#I hope it's Bezos's ex

[homicidalbrunette]

This is some heart eyes right here

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

"pushing what the right-wing press are angrily describing as “extreme left-wing causes.”"

The only kind of causes I believe in donating money to :D

“Bezos’ wife is using the profits he made through capitalism to [fund] the rope that will hang capitalism,” complained one furious right-winger,

That's a complaint?

Because every word of that sounds AWESOME to me :D

“These things that she’s donating money to – whether it’s transgender ideas, helping illegals, prisoner rights, climate change – they’re all trying to transform our system away from capitalism,” he added.

I mean I certainly hope so since capitalism is a garbage system and is one of the reasons why America is currently such a garbage country

[moremaybank]

THIS LOVE — j.m

pairing actor!jj maybank x actress!reader

chapter summary jj faces the possibility of his scandal going public. then, he ends up reconnecting with you after five years. what happens when the two of you end up as costars for your upcoming romantic comedy?

warnings mentions of a sex tape, mentions of domestic abuse (jj and luke), language, violence, sexual content/eventual smut, anxiety. ex best friends to lovers, fake dating. this will be updated as the story develops. [2.2k]

author's note just a little post of the first chapter to build the hype! hope you enjoy and decide to continue reading ♡︎ also special s/o to @mvybanks and @jjsbank444 for beta reading and quelling my nerves <3

recommended listening second chances by kiana ledé ft. 6lack

this love — the complete playlist ;; the masterlist ;; the tag list

❝ CHAPTER ONE ❞

JJ

Threesomes are fun. Foursomes, however, are a blast. 

At least, JJ Maybank seems to think so. 

“You have three different women threatening to release your sex tape. It’s not a good look for you, JJ.”

Well, he does when they don’t include a secretly-filmed sex tape and three fame-thirsty girls trying to ruin his career for a quick cash grab. 

“It’s not like they’re three separate tapes. We were all together when it was made,” JJ smirks. 

Josh, his manager, lets out an exasperated sigh. “That doesn’t make things any better, and it does nothing to help our circumstances. You need to clean up your act and you need to start doing it now, Maybank, or you’re going to lose everything.”

JJ rolls his eyes for what feels like the millionth time in the fifteen minutes that this meeting has been going on. It’s bullshit, really. He’s one of the hottest actors in Hollywood right now. He’s youthful, dashingly handsome, and loaded. The world is his freakin’ oyster, and he deserves to have some fun.

“You’re supposed to keep up your whole approachable, goofy, boy-next-door image intact, and having a ménage à…quatre, is not the way to do it.” my publicist, Andrea, chimes in. “If you aren’t careful, you’re going to lose your entire fanbase. You’re one of the most universally-liked celebrities in the business, right now. If this gets out, you’re going to have to kiss your crystal clear reputation goodbye.”

“So, let’s just pay ‘em the hush money. What do I care?” JJ says, taking his cap off and running a hand through his unruly strands.

“And you’re fine with forking over ten million dollars? Just like that?” Andrea scowls. “What if they take the money and still decide to release the tape? Or demand more?”

“Then we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, Andrea. Now, are we done here? I’m supposed to meet my co-star for my new movie in an hour and I’d really like to get in another — how did you put it? Ah, yes. Ménage á quatre — before I go.”

Josh runs a hand over his face, “Do you care about anything anymore?” 

JJ ignores his statement, putting his hat back on and sitting up in his chair. “Can I leave?”

He can tell that Josh wants to scold him or make some witty remark in return, but he bites his tongue. 

“Go. And, please, for the love of all things holy, do not screw this up.” 

If JJ had a penny for every time he’s heard that, he’d be richer than Jeff fucking Bezos.

-

Y/N

“And last but not least, this is your dressing room. You’ll have your own trailer, but this is more for when we’re actually on set and in between takes.”

You grin as you look around the luxurious room. There’s a huge vanity in front of you, as well as some plush couches, and you don’t fail to notice the large mini-fridge in the corner of the room or the flat-screen TV plastered onto the wall. There’s a window as well, letting in the California sunshine you’ve come to love and appreciate beyond your beliefs.

“Wow, this is…amazing. I can’t thank you guys enough for this opportunity. I’m so grateful, I hope you know that.”

“Don’t be silly, Y/N. You’re the very reason we wanted to do this project in the first place. If anything, we’re the lucky ones,” Derek, the director states with a grin. “So, you ready to meet your co-star, or what?”

“Yeah! I mean, I’m nervous, but, beyond excited.”

Derek leads you back into the hallway, and you make your way to one of the offices. 

“I think you’ll love him. Word is, he comes from the Outer Banks just like you. Who knows, you’ve probably met him in passing.”

Wait…what? He’s from OBX? No. No way. He couldn’t possibly mean—

“Y/N Y/L/N, meet the esteemed JJ Maybank,” Derek states, his proud smile growing sizeably larger than you thought possible. 

It doesn’t matter how excited he is, though. All you can focus on is your heart beating out of your chest and the ringing in your ears. You see Derek’s lips moving but you can’t hear a thing. Your eyes are caught on the blonde in front of you, and all you can think about is how painful it is to look into those oceanic eyes after five years.

It’s equally as painful as it was the last time you saw him. If not, more.

“Uh— Y/N, I…it’s— it’s been a while,” JJ stutters out. 

It’s all too much. Seeing him here, in front of you. His eyes locked on yours, his hand reaching out to touch you but retracting once he notices the fear in your gaze. Your eyes flit over to Derek, whose face has a more than confused look painted over his features. 

“Excuse me, Derek, I— I need to get out of here.” 

You speed into the restroom, locking the door behind you and setting your hands on the counter. Your chest tightens, and your breathing speeds up. She shudders, trying to shake it out as the room starts to feel like it’s closing in on you.

“You’re okay. You’re okay. You can do this. Don’t let him get to you,” you say, staring at yourself in the mirror. “It’s just…it’s just JJ.”

You feel the tears start to well in your eyes and you watch as they overtake their boundaries and roll down your flushed cheeks. You’re quick to wipe them away, though, refusing to admit defeat. 

“Stop,” you tell yourself. “It’s been five years. You’re better than this.”

You aren’t sure if the words are true to your heart, because all you can think about is how the boy you loved from the ages seven to eighteen — the one who betrayed you and shattered you into a million pieces — is now your co-star for the romantic comedy you’ve just been cast in.

What could possibly go wrong?

A lot, you think. A lot could go wrong. 

JJ

JJ watches as you make your way back into Derek’s office, shooting him a convincing smile.

“My apologies, Derek. Girl troubles,” you say. 

JJ still knows you well enough to see that you’re hoping Derek will believe your bullshit excuse. 

“Oh, uh, no worries at all, Y/N. I completely understand. I’ve got three daughters at home,” he speaks, trying to assure you that everything is fine. He places this hand on JJ’s shoulder, squeezing slightly. “JJ, here, was just telling me how the two of you have known each other since you were in elementary school. It must be quite the hell of a reunion, huh?”

You plaster a fake grin onto your lips, “One hell of a reunion, indeed.”

JJ refuses to look at you, his ex-best friend, and vice-versa. Truthfully, he’s terrified to catch your eye again. He’s not sure if he’ll be able to form a coherent sentence if he does. 

“Well, I’ve got some stuff to take care of, so I’ll leave you two to catch up.”

Derek exits his office, and you and JJ are left in complete and utter silence.

God, JJ missed you so much. He’d seen you making headlines just as you always said you would, but he was always quick to click away, deciding not to dwell on everything he’d lost. But this, now, seeing you right in front of him as gorgeous as ever…it made the walls he’d worked so hard to put up begin to crack. 

Then again, you’d always had that effect on him. 

Even after all these years, he was still a complete wreck over you. You held his heart in the palm of your hand and he wasn’t even sure if you knew it.

Your scent was still etched into his mind, still buzzing deep within his senses and his memory. You smelled of the saltwater beaches of the Outer Banks. The notes of coconut from the shampoo he’d recognized still lingering in the tresses of your hair. The sweet hints of vanilla that clutched to your skin are prominent as ever. The combination sounds like a lot, and it was, but not in the overpowering way one would assume. They blended into one heavenly and unique fragrance. 

She smelled like her, he thought. She smelled like home. 

To be honest, JJ wasn’t sure whether or not this was a reminder he wanted to welcome with open arms, but either way, here it was. Here you were. After the way he’d hurt you and destroyed your relationship forever. 

After he lost himself. 

Funnily enough, you’d always had a way of popping up whenever he needed and longed for you. He never even had to speak a single word. You just always knew. And you might not have guessed it now, but he needed you more than he ever had before.

JJ scratches his brow with his index finger. “So, um…how have you been?” 

“Don’t. Just…don’t.”

“Y/N, please,” he pleads. He almost wants to get down on his knees and beg. You can’t even look at him, and that hurts more than he could ever put into words.

“No. I don’t wanna hear it. I’m fine with being professional while we film this movie, but I’m not getting into this with you. I’m not getting into any of it.”

JJ remains silent, choosing to nod because he’s not totally sure he can find his voice. 

As much as he hated to let the thought in, you were a walking reminder of every bad decision he’d made since he left the island and never looked back. He looked at you, and he saw two things. The first being the crinkling of your bright eyes when you smiled. The melodic laugh he could pull from your lips at a moment’s notice. Your hair blowing in the wind as you stuck your head out the window of John B’s Twinkie. And the second being the look of despise and pain on your face as you confronted him. The mascara-stained tears flowing down your heated cheeks. The way you walked away from him and deliberately chose not to look back and steal a second glance at him. 

How was he expected to act all suave and cool when you were right there in front of him, actively choosing not to even look in his direction?

Truth is, he doesn’t think he can. 

-

JJ glances at his phone once he leaves the production office still shaken by the day’s events. 

2 Missed FaceTime Calls from John B

JJ swipes to the right and watches as his phone rings, awaiting his best friend’s answer while he plops down on the steps in front of the building. The line rings for a few moments before he hears shuffling through the speaker, followed by John B’s face appearing on his screen.

“Hey, man. how was your meeting? Your new costar as hot as we imagined?”

JJ tears his eyes away from the camera, his lip sinking between his teeth. His complexion pales, and John B picks up on it. 

“Jeez. You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Because I have,” JJ deadpans. He’s still reeling from your presence, and it shows.

“Huh?”

“It’s Y/N…my costar is Y/N.”

“Ooh, yikes,” John B responds. “Did she nut-punch you?”

“It’s not funny.” 

JJ tugs his cap off as he always does when he’s stressed, and his fingers card through his hair. He tugs lightly at the strands as he tries to alleviate the tension building up in his head. 

“She couldn’t even look at me, John B. Her eyes were on me for all of five seconds before she made an excuse to go to the bathroom. Then, when she came back, she looked at everything but me. She barely even let me speak to her.”

“Well, to be fair, you guys didn’t exactly leave things on the best of terms.”

“Yeah, JB. I know. Thanks for the reminder, as if I didn’t fucking know that already.”

“All right, look. Did you fuck up majorly? Yeah. But the love the two of you had…it ran deep. It doesn’t just disappear without a trace, especially if things are this heated after five years. I think you can get her to forgive you.” 

JJ scoffs, “Yeah? And how do you suppose I do that?”

John B gives him a knowing look through the screen. 

“You have to tell her the truth, JJ.”

“Funny.”

“J,” John B mildly scolds. “The reason she hates you right now is because you weren’t honest with her. The JJ she knew before that night never would’ve treated her the way you did. Buck up. Tell her.”

The call disconnects, and JJ is left staring at his screen with a tense jaw. He knew John B was right. He was always right. But how on earth was he expected to muster up the courage and tell you the truth about that night? He doubted — no. He knew it’d be impossible to convince you to hear him out. 

Then again, he also knew he had to try. Because he couldn’t stand to be around you nearly every single day for the next few months, knowing that you wouldn’t spit on him if he was on fire.

jj tag list: @pankowperfection @oncasette @taintedxkisses @maybankslover @goldenroutledge @penny4yourthoughts @bmo-bri @hemogloban @princessbetsy123-blog @slytherhoes @maybank-archives @whoisdrewstarkey @aliyahsomerhalder @dreamingwithrafe @vigilanteshitposting @poppet05 @adoreyouusugar @f4ll-for-you @slytheringirlthatkillpeople @tell-me-when-ur-ready @bbycowboi @jjmaybankisbae @enhypens-hoe @pankhoeforlife @cecesrings @wildflwrdarlin @loverofdrewstarkey @earth2starkey @angelofcigs @topper-thornton @em0-b0ysworld @koalalafications @aerangi @cantstoptherecs @bloody-mf-bsc @maybanksbabe @sarah5462 @slut4drudy @lvvrgrl @dancinglikeaballerina @somerandos-world @shahanaazsoumah @peachpitlover @pinkpantheris @julesmendoza890 @emmalandry @blueicequeen19 @madelynie

[marzipanandminutiae]

I have to thank you for something kind of strange. A coworker (who was rude and caused problems and didn't care) left our job a couple of weeks ago. I just heard what her new job is and immediately went "hey WAIT A MINUTE, why do I know that name???". Realised I read it on your blog, rediscovered it, and had a fit. It's Amway. I hope it doesn't ruin her or anyone THROUGH her. Thank you for blogging about it/your ex-roomate and making people aware of what it is so we know to stay away from it. :)

Oh your poor ex-coworker. She sounds terrible, but nobody deserves that (except maybe Jeff Bezos). Stay well clear, anon- happy I could help!

[surveillance-0011]

Mux HCs if that's alright with you

Yeas ofc!

Mux

she/her

Bi. Thinks this and putting her pronouns in her bio absolves that she is a billionaire CEO.

Basically the yass queen slay girl boss girl dinner girl math im just a girl version of some sick fusion of Elon and Bezos.

Nice nails. Big on nail art

Probably has the same sort of rabid army of fans that elon has but it's guys who think they have a chance and like. space techbro esque women.

Sometimes plays with her employees like dolls and plays out little scenarios

Canonically Annoying About Ayn Rand.

Avid reader. Her bookshelves are probably full of crummy self help books and Colleen Hoover-esque shlock.

Keeps plants. Keeps killing them.

Has probably killed half her exes but that's ok ig yass girl slaaaaayyy literalllyyyyy

Individualist and a huuuuge believer in the "pull yourselves up by your bootstraps no I'm not aware that this phrase was coined to be an impossible feat and that it's meant to be sarcastic" school of thought

Will grill her employees for even considering calling in sick but on the rare occasion she gets the sniffles she CANNOT fucking take it she will act like she is dying

Will kill an employee if they have AirPods in. I wonder if anyone will get this reference.

She will, however, also force her employees to dance on MikMok.

Honestly muxxalon hq might as well be a prison.

The parasites are a separate species that have a more symbiotic relationship with Mux's, though it's more like her species is so huge that a horde of the damn things is more like waterweight than anything. She can send them out to eat and in return they will protect her and help do her bidding. And it just so happens Mux's bidding is working themselves to death under space capitalism

And there's plenty of her species they just spread out through the planets and galaxies because one is enough to drain the resources of one area. This is also partially why Muxxalon moves around so much, so that resources in one place aren't exhausted

I hope you can still sleep peacefully knowing there's a thousand megalomaniac play dough blobs out there full of parasitic worms ready to start their own companies and timeshares. as for me, this will prove difficult.

Big on grenades. Was considering Muxxalon brand glitter bombs but alas they never got developed 💔

Out of touch with the working class

Overcomplicated starbucks order. Orders overcomplicated cocktails. Hyperspecific, arbitrary instructions on any possible food service imaginable. And god forbid you get it wrong...

I will once again mention I am playing with the idea of her having dated Giblets. It's like if you took all of Elon and Grimes's traits and shuffled them around between the two with a bit of Besos sprinkled onto Mux for good measure. And if one was a huge bag of unfortunate looking organs and the other was a neurotic little worm. of course. They would be so hilariously dysfunctional.

Would. Would Krimothy be like. Their X AE A-XII? With his Bugsnax sounding sort of name? If he’s their kid and not Giblets x some other worm thang? Does Krimothy just have some half sibling named something like Oobleck Delta Kappa Theta the Twost? The possibilities are endless and increasingly distressing!!!

Going 2 be honest in my mind her concept design(?) and the Mux we got are two different unrelated people. They’re just so different 2 me

Beta!Mux/Scrapped green chick was a weapons dealer-expert-mechanic something for the G3 and left pre-Gatlus invasion for reasons unknown.

Judges HARD when it comes to zodiacs. I just realized how fucked up space zodiacs are because every galaxy solar system etc has different constellations… do you think there’s zodiac conversion charts…

Beefing hard w/ Gurgula on the down low. Mux threw a fit about tracking chips or 5G or something in the translator microbes and she felt so attacked by his reasonable response that his packages have all come late, been lost, or boobytrapped ever since. He is trying his damndest to stop using/buying from Muxxalon but there's such a fucking monopoly on space postage. Every time it's not a brand owned by Muxxalon or something she somehow gets word of it and makes it a mission that he just. doesn't fucking get what he ordered on time.

Needless to say he was ecstatic when the BH got her ass. He is pretty sure that the company won't be crumbling any time soon but hopefully the new CEO is a bit more reasonable. Right?

Right?

Please, God. Let something good happen for once.

[craigawalt]

Meet your (Chinese) Facebook censors

By 

Sohrab Ahmari

Published Oct. 20, 2020

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Meta Oversight Board members have blasted Israel over Gaza: ‘Most criminal army in history’

China is one of the most censorious societies on Earth. So what better place for ­Facebook to recruit social media censors?

There are at least half a dozen “Chinese nationals who are working on censorship,” a former Facebook insider told me last week. “So at some point, they [Facebook bosses] thought, ‘Hey, we’re going to get them H-1B visas so they can do this work.’ ”

The insider shared an internal directory of the team that does much of this work. It’s called Hate-Speech Engineering (George Orwell, call your office), and most of its members are based at Facebook’s offices in Seattle. Many have Ph.D.s, and their work is extremely complex, involving machine learning — teaching “computers how to learn and act without being explicitly programmed,” as the techy website DeepAI.org puts it.

When it comes to censorship on social media, that means “teaching” the Facebook code so certain content ends up at the top of your newsfeed, a feat that earns the firm’s software wizards discretionary bonuses, per the ex-insider. It also means making sure other content “shows up dead-last.”

Like, say, a New York Post report on the Biden dynasty’s dealings with Chinese companies.

00:08

04:19

To illustrate the mechanics, the insider took me as his typical Facebook user: “They take what Sohrab sees, and then they throw the newsfeed list into a machine-learning algorithm and neural networks that determine the ranking of the items.”

Facebook engineers test hundreds of different iterations of the rankings to shape an optimal outcome — and root out what bosses call “borderline content.”

It all makes for perhaps the most chillingly sophisticated censorship mechanism in human history. “What they don’t do is ban a specific pro-Trump hashtag,” says the ex-insider. Instead, “content that is a little too conservative, they will down-rank. You can’t tell it’s censored.”

I won’t share the names of the Facebook employees in question. The point isn’t to spotlight individuals, but to show how foreign nationals from a state that still bans Facebook have their hands on the levers of social media censorship here in America.

The Hate-Speech Engineering team’s staff includes a research scientist based at the Seattle office who earned his master’s degree in computer engineering from the Chinese Academy of Sciences in Beijing, according to his LinkedIn profile.

see also

Facebook workers ‘ashamed’ by tech giant’s censorship of Post’s Hunter Files reporting

Another member of the team, a software engineer for machine learning based in Seattle, earned his bachelor’s and master’s degrees in computer science from Jilin University in northeast China. Still another, an engineering manager, earned his bachelor’s in computer science at Nanjing University in eastern China.

Another software engineer previously worked for the Communist-backed conglomerate Huawei, as well as the Beijing National Railway & Design Institute of Signal and Communication. I reached out to all six employees; two replied to confirm that they are Chinese nationals but refused to comment further; the rest didn’t reply.

Plenty of Big Tech firms, of course, recruit their foreign specialists from China, India and elsewhere, and many of these workers hope to resettle in the United States permanently and share the American Dream.

But some may not, and the trouble is that the society they might return to ­already deploys one of the most comprehensive and fine-tuned intellectual control mechanisms on its own population. What’s to stop Facebook’s Chinese engineers from delivering their Facebook expertise to Xi Jinping? Globalists thought that engaging with China would make that country more open; I fear it’s making us more restrictive.

A Facebook spokesperson denied that these employees influence broader policies. “We are a stronger company because our employees come from all over the world. Our standards and policies are public, including about our third-party fact-checking program, and designed to apply equally to content across the political spectrum. With over 35,000 people working on safety and security issues at Facebook, the insinuation that these employees have an outsized influence on our broader policies or technology is absurd.”

Yet, as Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.) put it in an email to me, these revelations are yet “another indication that Big Tech is no longer deserving” of statutory protections that render it immune to a publisher’s liabilities. Big Tech critic Sen. Josh Hawley (R-Mo.), meanwhile, said “this is all the more reason for the Senate to demand that Mark Zuckerberg — under oath and before the election — give an account of what Facebook has been up to.”

Sohrab Ahmari is The Post’s op-ed editor. This is his second column based on conversations with a Facebook insider.

[literatemisfit]

Cheers to @aprocrastinatorsparadise for tagging me in this Top 4 Albums (or alternatively Top 4 Songs) that I've been listening to recently and why they have meant something to me.

Still Got Legs - Chameleon Circut

My full-on DT/Doctor Who fandom plunge that has resulted from self-soothing during the pandemic by returning to a happier time in my life has been really healing and bringing me lots of joy. Actually, DT is almost my only source of pure, no-holding-back joy, I have laughed and smiled (and fangirled) more after watching his dumb little face than I have in the rest of 2020-2023. This album brings me back to that place of fandom and belonging to something when I'm away from home or commuting to and back from work. I think the album is genius and hits exactly the right place between DW fandom and DW universe. Doctor Who's themes on morality, compassion, and non-violence make me feel seen as someone who wants to do good and help others. It also makes me want to see the good in the world when it's become hard to see. Chameleon Circut gives me the same feels as some of the DW episodes and in the same way, their songs (especially Regenerate Me, Travelling Man, Teenage Rebel, The Big Bang Two, and The Sound of Drums) have come to belong to me as much as the episodes and their themes have come to belong to me.

Inside - Bo Burnham

In the same vein as a pandemic response, this album has made me feel so seen as someone who is feeling betrayed by the world and its corruption in the face of a very real and very scary global crisis. He's right, how do we joke around and have fun in this world where billionaires are richer than they have ever been and no normal person can afford housing? I like that Bo Burnham attacks Bezos by name and "the pedophilic corporate elite" because it helps me feel like Someone is doing Something about all this. It feels good, it feels like revenge, it feels like fighting for what's good in the world. His album also keeps me on my toes as an aspiring ally to poc and reminds me how flawed and performative I (and we all) can be. But also, songs like Look Who's Inside Again make me feel seen as a loner and socially-inept human who began the pandemic wondering why I never decided to go out and explore the world while I had the chance. But now in 2023, I'm making promises to myself to do just that.

The Prince of Egypt - Soundtrack

Y'all can skip this one if you have religious/catholic icks and I don't blame you. I've realized in recent years that while I am an atheist and despise organized (especially Christian) religions, there was always this feeling like nostalgia around going to church and catholic themes, as an ex-catholic. And I've recently found the words to explain what it is: while I do not experience catholicism religiously (anymore), I do still experience it culturally and nostalgically when I remember my deceased grandparents and my childhood which at times revolved around those rituals. Like my interests around greek mythology and world history, I have developed a fascination around catholicism and their egregious past of in-fighting with other christian sects which let's be honest believe almost exactly the same fucking thing. Or fighting with other religious groups that believe in a god in a different way. And it leads to murder every time! Murder! It's wild. But this album and movie hit me in the right nostalgic places where those beliefs lead to hoping for and believing in a better future and a loving community: and love is what wins in the end. It's just a story, a myth, but it should make you feel loved and looked after, that's it.

The Irish Rovers - Greatest Hits

Okay a bit of a left turn. As a French Canadian with no UK/Irish/Scottish ties (that we know of), folk music from Ireland and Scotland make me feel a) closer to DT and his past and sense of self, but also b) closer to this lovely feeling of community and a raw emotional past. They talk about serious themes, big feelings, poke fun at themselves, and always have the most upbeat and catchiest music and all that together gives off a real vulnerability and realness that I think is hard to find in most media. They are so wholly themselves, with flaws and an easygoingness that is so refreshing and so centered around one very specific geographical place that it feels like visiting them just by listening to them. I feel transported there when actually I'm just on the bus or doing chores. And somehow, their less progressive lyrics make me feel even more attached because they are not hiding their past (or present?) or pushing for pleasing an audience. It's real because it's flawed and it's real because it's from a place of truth.

Well that was fun and healing! I will tag @expelliarmus and @davidtennan-t if you guys would like to participate 🌈

[rainsmediaradio]

Joyner Lucas & Future - Blackout Lyrics

Joyner Lucas & Future - Blackout Lyrics Part I Verse: Joyner Lucas Yeah, I can't hide my pain no more (Joyner), this shit gon' make me lash out (Lash out) I ain't playing games no more, I really might just blackout (Blackout) She can't feel her legs no more, I blew her fucking back out (Back out) Run up on me, bitch, on God, I'll blow your fucking back out (Brr, back out) Where I'm from, this shit go down, a lot of niggas crash out (Crash out) I just seen my cousin cop some work up out the crack house (Crack house) He ain't got nothing to lose, he might just bring the mask out (Mask out) He gon' take your Visa too, I hope your credit card don't max out (Brr, max out) Watch me take some bricks and soap and turn it to a bankroll (Yeah) Used to wanna get rich like Hov, until I met Jeff Bezos (Bezos) Billionaire invitеs, that's the shit that you can't pay for (Yeah, yeah) Lеvelled up and made some pesos, now your bitch wanna give me besos (Ayy, ayy, ayy, ayy, besos) Mwah, first to do it, bitch, I'm Draco (Draco) If you want that drama, you gon' get just what you paid for (Grrah, grrah, grrah, paid for) 'Fore I got a check, I went and bought my mom a Range Rover (Woah) Wasn't new, but it was paid for, I said "One day, we'll be straight though" (Straight though) Part II Intro: Joyner Lucas & Future One day, I'ma change everything, I swear Toxic Verse 1: Future Like a kilo dropped inside the pot, my niggas spinning, ayy (Spinning) I just heard a hater just got shot, now I'm grinning, ayy (Grinning) I just took more dope, that's just gon' keep me out my feelings (Feelings) If I wasn't rapping, I'd be trapping, making millions (Millions) I ain't worried 'bout nothing, I got more money than my ex (Ex, ayy) I don't have to call, bitches pulling up off my texts (Texts, ayy) First day, I bought her that AP, 'cause she wet (Wet, ayy) I done spent so much money on bitches, I forget (Get, ayy) One of one, spill, you can't find this in a store (Store, ayy) Heard that was your wifey, I turned her to my whore (Whore) Let me be your sponsor, you a baddie, you can get endorsed (Endorsed) New Chanel, you know damn well it make girls get moist (Moist, super) Whipped up in a Maybach and I came back in a Royce (Super) I'ma pop my shit, drop a brick and I'm popping (Freebandz) Shorty can't complain, bitch, the whole world toxic (Toxic) She belong to the streets, bitch, go and fuck on everybody Verse 2: Joyner Lucas I got coke plugs, I got bass plugs, and I think I'm Pablo (Brr, think I'm Pablo) If this rap shit never worked out, then I'd be El Chapo (Brr, be El Chapo) Got a stash spot for the cash drops and a blacked-out Tahoe (For the blacked-out Tahoe) Put a ten of cash in a duffel bag, shit, back to Cabo (For real) If my phone ring and I'm busy, I'ma just straight ignore it (Okay) If you ain't calling 'bout money, then that shit ain't important (Okay) I used to want me a good girl, but they way too boring (Yeah, woah) Baby, we can fuck, but you can't stay till morning (Morning) And if I wasn't rapping, I'd be trapping, making Ms (Ms) Twenty SUVs, you'd never know which one I'm in (Skrrt) Travel 'cross the country, selling drugs to all your friends (Woah) And if I lose it all, then I'd just do it all again I still got big connects, I could hit the rec' from a bag of foam (From a bag of foam, bah, bah) If a nigga ever fall off, then I'll be Al Capone (Be Al Capone, ayy, ayy, ayy) Couple bad bitches in the kitchen, naked, they counting Os (Counting Os) I got niggas crossing the border for me, who down to go? (Ayy, oh, oh, oh) I need to know Read the full article

[mat2468xk]

MrBeast:

Welcome to your final test, I'm MrBeast.

We can scrap the 'S' cuz I've never missed a beat!

You had to cut from honey under threat of a gun blast;

When I had a cut from Honey, that's another check that I'm gonna cash!

You're coming last, Number 1 is Jimmy; only dub you have is horribly written.

You're accomplished 'cuz you fought the opposition and became the best,

But the consequences that you've got to live with

Is you paved their deaths all to pay your debt, I applaud you Gi-Hun!

In the diss game, you won't get rich.

I'm like your momma: I'm dead sick!

Then check the gaming channel, millions of children watch it.

How'd you win all that Won, kid, but not custody of one kid?

Did ya think you'd get her back with that lighter you bought her?

You're playing tug-o-war with your ex, but the rope is your daughter (Ooh!)

So stupid, Sang-woo showed you the light; you didn't go to SNU, that's right.

If the task was last to get backstabbed by a pal, you wouldn't make it through the night!

When I feast I don't need a suit and tie, wrapping with gold like the food I try!

Utter a word then you will die, save those subs for PewDiePie! Seong Gi-hun:

So this is the next test they'll make us fight in for survival?

But instead of a kiddie game, we'll be playing this manchild? (Hmm?)

Your career's fragile like glass, I will smash it if you push me.

Made your fortune from subscribers, now give them their fucking cookies!

You've done all this good, you fed lives in need right 'till they get by each time,

Gave islands, sweet rides, let high trees thrive, set headlines being nice when you spread vibes.

Teens hype it and then buy MrBeast line, so you make ten times what you leave guys,

Only ever "moving" when you're in set sight of a keen child, like an anti-red light green light!

Don't talk about loyalty, you don't get any!

You're like "I Spent At Least Ten Thousand Dollars Renting People Out To Pretend To Be Friends With Me"!

I wondered why VIPs had to hide their face behind plastic,

Now that I see this bastard, I get what the point of the mask is! MrBeast:

I just replaced all of Gi-Hun's surviving friends with Legos!

Uhm, Jimmy… there aren't any Legos.

(Vine boom sound effect) (Hahahahahahaha!)

For a 'critique on greed', it seems ironic,

Your show sold out like it's stock from shopmrbeast.com, bitch! Seong Gi-hun:

(Yuh!) You spent 24 hours in a bunker, another 24 inside of a fake prison,

And over 50 hours in a coffin; could you do us all a big solid and stay in it?

Spending a minute with the Jeff Bezos for daycare kiddies is a challenge that I couldn't be paid to be in.

You can't make good lines, I won't stay within them; like Jake the Viking, I'm straight up leaving! MrBeast:

Let's hope that you didn't bet all of your money on winning this fight now,

Cuz a lot like your job, if that happened, you're likely to die in my fire and strike out.

Join Team Seas and clean that garbage past you deem so awful!

You lost everything to a pensioner who lost his fucking marbles! Front Man:

I make the calls in this torture-ridden place,

You only got balls in an Orbeez giveaway.

It's a real manhunt, you don't got the courage to beat me,

Go hide in your nerdy Dream streams.

We've got more beef than your burger meat, Beast.

Plotting more seeds in your girl than Team Trees!

Pictured a world where equality rules,

That's not just a pic you can fly to the moon.

Got no firepower against my roster,

Don't you "identify" as an attack helicopter?

You said hi to your brother with a brand new channel,

I said bye to my brother with a mag of ammo!

So go cry to your momma in an ad to pack dough!

You'd ditch your morals to put your hand on Lambos!

Can't handle the truth: if you run out of money, you run out of your personality too.

Out of 100% of your viewers, nobody watches your channel for you!

[tyrantisterror]

Dear Jeff Bezos: A Pitch for Marvelous Mrs Maisel

Hello Jeff Bezos.  I am a fan of your television show, The Marvelous Mrs Maisel, which concerns the exploits of a woman trying to be a comedian in a time period of America’s history where the public display of genuine human emotion was outlawed by Republicans.  However, though I am a fan of this product, I have grown concerned about an element that has lingered in it for the past few seasons, and indeed, the duration of its entire run, despite it obviously being past the point of use.

I speak, of course, of the titular Mrs. Maisel’s piece of shit ex-husband, Joel.  He is a loathsome character whose purpose as the antagonist of the first season was well and truly fulfilled, but has stuck around ever since with the same amount of screen time and weight despite the plot of the story as a whole no longer needing him.  Each season is burdened with Joel arcs, where we see Joel try to do things and fail because of his own abundant shortcomings, and worse, where you tease the possibility that Mrs. Maisel may forgive and remarry him, despite him being a loathsome piece of shit.

I therefore propose an arc for you to consider having in your show.  Joel is only entertaining and interesting when he is suffering, as we the audience can experience the catharsis of him experiencing his well-earned failure and being forced to wallow in his hideous shittiness.  Let’s embrace that next season with an arc I call

JOEL FALLS DOWN A WELL

We begin our season’s Joel arc with Joel wandering in the woods alone, having told no one why or where he’s going.  Maybe he’s looking for lost pirate treasure, or maybe he watched an episode of Lassie and grew concerned for the wellfare of children playing alone in the woods, in one of those vain humanizing moments you keep inexplicably giving this piece of shit as though we’ll ever change our opinion on him.  Regardless, as he’s wandering, he falls down an old, forgotten well, breaking both of his legs and becoming quite thoroughly trapped.  No one is around for miles, so though he is screaming quite a bit in both fear and agony from his broken legs, help does not arrive.

Every subsequent episode of the season has a five minute long Joel check-in scene, where we witness Joel suffering a new humiliating degradation in agonizing real time detail.  In one episode, he would try repeatedly to climb up the well, eventually slipping and falling down with each attempt, damaging his legs more and wailing in pain for a while before trying in vain again.  In another, he, now desperately hungry after days of being trapped, chases a rat in the well in hopes of eating it, only for the clever rodent to run rings around him while he weeps and moans in pain.  Perhaps one episode could show his broken legs get a gangrenous infection in gruesome detail.  One should just be him crying, broken and increasingly filthy after nights trapped in the well.

The final episode of the season would not show Joel at all.  Instead we’d get a  five minute long shot of the top of the well, where vultures and carrion crows are perched.  Every now and then one of them dives inside, only to fly back out a few seconds later licking its chops and looking a good deal fuller.

I believe this would bring Joel’s ongoing arc to an even more satisfying conclusion than the ending he should have gotten, when Mrs. Maisel definitively broke it off with him in season 1, and would go a long way to apologize for wasting my precious time with the previous season’s tedious and grating Joel arcs.  I look forward to you adding this arc to the show.

P.S. please stop eating the young of your warehouse workers.  I don’t think it’s necessary for good business.

[emiko-matsui]

hello this is my official list of what i think every member of the bau would work with if they wouldn't work at the bau like if that wasn't a reality you get me

——

Jason Gideon: look i know this is technically canon but i truly do think he would be an author and would guest lecture a bit in his later years and like sure he could still write true crime books but also just regular crime novels i think this old man would just like to write

Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: i think she would work inside of the media, not in front of the camera necessarily but as a communicator or similarly inside of the media and the news. however i think there's a possibility of a divergence of path for her, i think its possible she could end up in a hostage situation due to her job in a similar situation like in neon terror and would start working out as a coping mechanism and like genuinely would pick up a (extra?) job as a personal trainer at her gym

Derek Morgan: firefighter. that's it i don't know what to say other than that, derek would 500% be a firefighter. there's nothing else. now that i think about it derek should've been a firefighter from the beginning fuck the bau this is his true calling don't even @ me

Elle Greenaway: similarly to JJ i think elle would work inside of the media but as an investigative journalist. well i think she would start out as a regular journalist but become an investigative journalist after a while because her drive would be too big you get me. also niche but i think that when she was a teen she was like briefly a singer like you know robin from how i met your mother but she would've made angry girl music

Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: genuinely don't think this punk could stay away from the government so i think he would still work a fancy government job just not inside of the bau, maybe not even the fbi but i so think he'd still be in government. now what i have no idea because i know nothing about the government especially the american government seeing as im not even remotely american

David "Dave" Rossi: now i don't even know if this fucking counts but you know those really fancy shops that are like made of dark smelling wood and is called something extravagant with a cursive gold font and they sell like cigar or wine or herbal products or like mustache wax or whatever the fuck you know the places im talking about. i think rossi would work there and be that old man at the counter who will come up and talk to you and you have no idea if he just works there and is really invested in this stuff or if he owns the place or just a really weird costumer but then he's the one you pay too so you assume it's his but the moment you step out of the store you've forgotten his face and you never want to go back there but you always think about it once a month or something. if you don't know what kinda place im talking about consider yourself lucky

Penelope Garcia: if the bau wasn't even a prospect here there's no question that penelope would still be a hacker illegally and make most of her money from there but i also think that she would work in a small second hand shop with lots of old trinkets and clothes and stuff just because she genuinely thinks it's fun to work there and also the old woman who owns the shop lets her be on the computer when there's no costumers in the store. i just think she would sit there in her cupcake dress next to a ceramic old cat from the 1930s talking to bernice about her grandson while hacking jeff bezos on her computer

Spencer Reid: now it's time for spencer all over the place reid who i think would work at like one of those really prestige but still public libraries where like everyone is welcome but they have like locked rooms with super valuable books and stuff and he kinda does whatever there bc sometimes he gives tours talking about thr history of the building and stuff and sometimes you find him at the counter ready to guide you to the specific book you're looking for plus twenty other recommendations you should read if you like this book and sometimes you find him in a window reading and his coworkers politely ignore he's had his "break" for three hours now bc he guided 17 tours yesterday (only ten were scheduled) and they suspect he mightve slept here. plus in his spare time i think he would do some independent work to keep him stimulated with stuff but that's not a fully developed idea yet

Stephen Walker: this might be controversial but i think stephen would be a guidance counsellor at like a school and i don't know why but he has the vibe and i think he would be quite good at it. maybe he just gives me more official jawbone vibes from dimension 20

Emily Prentiss: i firmly believe this woman cannot hold down a job for her life. i think the bau and interpol were flukes in her reality because im quite certain emily would physically not be able to keep one job for longer than a year. if you mention a job she's probably done it. she's done everything from high positions in government to bagging groceries to leading seminars to breeding puppies. listen emily prentiss is a lesbian ex goth trust fund kid (like canonically yall). i think right now she's working with the lights for a theatre production and she's liking it and seems to have a knack for it

Tara Lewis: this one's out there but i think she would work as a principal at a university (do universities have principals?). but like the one who's in charge of a school but like advanced studies with like adults study after they've already studied if you know what i mean. idk i just think that's what she would be

Luke Alvez: hate to do this to luke but he would simply just be a cop. or like a detective (that's like a promotion for a cop in america right? bro my knowledge extends to brooklyn 99 and brooklyn 99 only). i hope this is because i feel like luke is the serious crime version of jake peralta and jake is the sitcom version of luke. anyway, cop

Matt Simmons: this is my magnum opus but bro i think he would be a podcaster. i think he would do a podcast with kristy. for everyone who follows my blog think justin and sydnee mcelroy but matt is sydnee. i think they would have a little podcast together. after his unit at the fbi (?) got got by linda barnes i think he would retire home and start doing podcasting full time with kristy. this is my hot take

Kate Callahan: because such a central part of kate's personality/backstory is that her sister died in 9/11 i think that kate would've been a nurse. specifically a nurse not a doctor and i don't think it's because a lack of competence or anything like that fuck u no i genuinely think kate wanted to be a nurse and chose to study to become that. her hours would still be crazy but maybe meg isn't as worried about her now

Ashley Seaver: i don't have a lot for seaver but i think she would work in local government more centralised like those guys from parks and rec and yes i realise ive made way too many references that some people might not understand but here we are. i think seaver would do whatever leslie does in parks and rec or something like that

Alex Blake: this is just a formality to have her on here because she's literally a linguistics professor in the show

[archesa]

sorry, slightly late with this, but!! since anwen definitely isn't hurting for money, she's willing to (and probably does) put a decent amount of it towards causes/projects she cares about (some related to her job as commander, maybe, and others not so much) :D @kerra-and-company (this sounds incredibly vague now that i'm actually typing it out asdfjlksadf, but...more space for you--and her--to elaborate, i suppose! :) )

Thanks a lot for the ask !! I’ve been thinking about this for a while, now, and considered whether and how Anwen’s fortune would endure the passage of time, till I found this article about how MacKensie Scott (Jeff Bezos’ ex wife) could not give her money to charity fast enough for it to decrease her networth. How money begets money and stuff... and while it was a kinda distressing insight on our capitalistic system, it gave ground to a bunch of headcanons about how Anwen’s fortune is virtually self-sustaining. It’s not inexhaustible, were she to make the wrong investments or gamble her deeds of properties or should, say, a huge dam be destroyed by a massive attack on Divinity’s Reach and drown part of Queensvale and its farms... But she’s basically in a very stable financial position. Now, enough background and time for Anwen’s answer to the question! ^^

"Our parents taught us that a noble's duty was to their vassals, and by extension, the people who need their patronage and protection. Faren and I have been patrons of many causes since we've entered society - the orphanage and the hospital foremost. But over the years, I've found more ways to put my fortune to good use. The Pact has been in dire need of money during its first years and the conjoint efforts of the three Orders through their most wealthy members were needed to form the fleet that defeated Zaithan."

A shadow veils her eyes a moment.

"After Maguuma—.... Our losses in Maguuma were unfathomable. Lives. Loyalties. The Pact needed to rebuild -- almost from scratch -- and... Trahearne and I needed to take our distances. My monetary contribution to the Priory -- to the Pact's efforts -- remained the same, but after our defeat in the jungle, many of our benefactors withdrew their support. My brother had his aircraft repaired and gifted it to the cause and our parents offered their permanent patronage — they even managed to convince some of their friends to aid as well. But the grandeur of the Pact would take years to restore."

She pauses, her eyes drifting to the open window through which the cascades of emerald leaves and flamboyant blooms wreathing Caer Aval blown by the sea wind cast their shadow and heady perfume over the small but cozy study.

“Our work here demanded a few efforts as well. To make the place hospitable, build the greenhouses, the lodgings for researchers and botanists in Siren's Landing, and restore existing forts and towers in accordance to Orrian architecture. I hope we'll get to see our efforts come to fruition before another cataclysm calls us back into battle..."

[whovianofthenight]

My plan for ridding the world of Jeff Bezos? I'm glad you asked.

We wait for Jeff to embark on his spaceflight journey in his personal rocket. We bribe the Amazon Mission Control staff with decent wages, sick leave, and vacation time. They agree to our terms, which is to simply ignore him. Just... let him float out there in space.

We tell the world we lost contact. We mourn his loss publicly. We forge his will to say he leaves everything to his ex wife. She spends the majority of it bettering the planet, solving world hunger and ending poverty and the like.

Amazon is revamped, becoming one of the best places to work. The workers are allowed to unionize. Wages are far above average. Maternity leave, vacation time, and sick days are more than ample. Amazon becomes a beacon of hope. They donate money to third world countries to build wells and cure diseases.

Meanwhile, JB has managed to get back to earth using a built in failsafe in the rocket. By now, his ex-wife has donated most of his fortune and sold all his property. The world is in shock. He makes international headlines. He attempts to regain control of his company.

And the entire worldwide corporation goes on strike until he quits.

He has no choice but to resign, having seen the error of his ways and the good that his ex-wife has done in his absence. The world no longer wants or needs him. He becomes a transient, living on the streets and asking for spare change.

One day, a homeless man he'd known for a while walks past him, now in nicer clothes and obviously much better off than before.

"What happened?" JB asks him.

The man smiles. "I got a job. A really good one. They didn't care that I was homeless. They didn't care that I didn't have a dollar to my name. They just wanted to help me get back on my feet. I have a place now, I have enough for food and clothes and even a bit left over for something special every now and then."

This sounds pretty good to JB. "Where is this place? Would they hire me?"

"Oh, sure. Amazon will hire just about anyone."

[madrabbitsociety]

Intentions + Money

I have been doing a lot of work on things through therapy and just personally, and one of the questions I keep coming back to is ‘what are my intentions’. A lot of self-help blogs and books and life-purpose-type articles push the narrative that you need to ‘find your why’. I don’t necessarily agree with that, and I definitely don’t agree with that for everyone, but it did lead me to want to ask other questions about myself. My Intentions seem more purposeful than a ‘why’. A ‘Why’ feels a lot like I’m leaving something up to God or Fate or All-powerful-Universe whereas an Intention is a decision I’ve made and the impact that I hope I will make with that decision. 

We don’t all get to live our dreams. I wanted to be a famous actor, I wanted to be secure in a home, and I wanted to have published so many books by now. But, I have a hard time coming up with original concepts, I do not have a face for movies (until I get old, then I’ll probably be ‘that old person who was in a hundred things for five seconds at a time) and I’m in a very unsteady living situation. I’m in a job I can’t stand. But, I’ve come to this realization that, moving forward with careful consideration and intention, I can still shape this into something that hopefully I’ll enjoy. At least for the five more years we have before Jeff Bezos blows up the planet or we hurdle into the sun or whatever is going to happen. 

I have a lot of ‘Intentions’ that I use when creating the art that I choose to create. My Intention with my YouTube videos is to share my knowledge of sewing and crafting because I have a lot of it. At one point, I tried to monetize that by selling project tutorials and it made me miserable, but I’ve also been in so many situations in the last decade where I haven’t been able to buy patterns or buy fabric or buy something that I just decided I wanted to offer this information FREE to whoever wanted it. Would I like to be monetized on YouTube? Eh. I feel like that gives YouTube too much of a say over what I’m doing and what I make. I do have a Kofi, but honestly, I want people to see and like my videos. I am an actor. I enjoy the audience experience. And I want people to see the joy I have in making things and potentially be inspired to make things of their own. That is why I make videos.

The Intentions I had when I decided to get heavily into posting Fanfic last year were pretty depressing. I work in medical offices. I was sure I was going to die- I still have fears of catching COVID from one of our patients. But I am also fairly poor and between all the subscriptions, all the websites shipping things to homes, I just wanted to offer up free entertainment to try and cheer people up. I’m not conceited enough to think I made a huge difference to anyone’s life, but in my limited silverware drawer, it was the thing I had enough spoons to do. So there were my Intentions- give myself a purpose, give something entertaining that was free because I can empathize with not being able to purchase or subscribe or give tips, and to leave something of myself behind if anything happened during the pandemic. 

You don’t need to know all of my intentions, but you should probably know that this is coming from a lifetime of money dictating my art and my rebellion against that. I used to find joy in painting on jackets and jeans. The Dreaded Ex detested my style and bought me canvases, only to complain when I didn’t paint on the canvases and, after a little while, didn’t paint at all. That same Ex, the one that made me too nervous to enter book stores, would pressure me about reading ‘real books’ and get frustrated and upset when I read fanfiction. He would set his writer friend on me to give up writing fanfiction and write ‘things that were worth my time’ until I finally took a long hiatus from writing at all. But he had bought the canvases, he had purchased the books- the money gave him ownership of me and what I could and could not creatively do. There’s more nuance to the argument, and I’m not trying to make him sound like some Big Bad Monster, because I live with me, I know I’m pretty fucking horrible, but there were real moments of ‘but I bought you that so you should’. 

It’s why I didn’t enjoy art school. It was an entire two years of people trying to mold me into a Fine Artist when all I wanted to do was draw cartoons. So my talents could be marketable as a graphic designer or something useful to make money. Make money out of your art. 

I want to live in a world where the Fic that I write can be attached to my face. I want to be able to be proud of the fact that I wrote an homage to someone and I don’t want anything more than the comments and kudos from people that enjoy it. I don’t want to be nervous that I’m going to get C&D’d for being proud of something I wrote just because I don’t own the characters. I want to give my stuff away because I’m just so sick of being told what to do. In real life, I’m told I’m horrible over and over and over. I have a bad voice, I have a mean face, I have too many questions, I have too short of a temper - - I had a job tell me that I walked too hard. Two jobs, actually, have told me that I walk too hard. “Sounds like a herd of elephants”. And you have to shut up and take it because they pay you to be there, they pay you to smile and sound nice even when you don’t want to. 

So my intention is that my art needs to stay pretty free. That’s why I have a Kofi and not a Patreon- you can tip me if you want to, but I try really hard not to care about that. And I can promise, I will never utilize Post+ on Tumblr.

[janeyseymour]

here is your in to talk about headcannons! they can be about anyone :) also i hope you have a great day <333 your friend, ay

I had so many ideas. i’m sure i have more. but here’s what i could come up with for now for sweet janey because I LOVE JANEY 

She hardly ever fights with the other queens, but when she does, it’s bad. 

That being said, if any of them actually need to talk to her, she’ll put aside her own emotions to tend to them (ex: Jane putting aside her upset emotions with Kat in my “never enough” fic)

When she’s dealing with conflict, she up and runs away. Like straight up, she leaves for hours and comes back and she’s calm again (ex. “Never enough fic” and also the “fight or flight” fic)

Jane wishes that she was enough. She tries and tries and tries, but it’s just never enough in her eyes, even though the others promise her she is more than enough for her.

She’s quite an overthinker. Like, she’s definitely talked to herself in the mirror. She’s thought about the way she walks and if it’s too cocky or if she doesn’t walk in a straight line. She gets nervous eating around others, even though she shouldn’t be. She’s always very elegant about it.

She refuses to sit at the head of the table, even if she is the head mother of the household. Aragon sits there instead, Jane to her right, where it is easiest to get up and access the kitchen if needed.

When she eats, she covers her mouth with her hand even though she chews with her mouth closed.

She has severe imposter syndrome.

Her purse is always full of hand sanitizer, hand wipes, lotion, a pen (or sharpie), aspirin, cough drops, tissues, and gum.

She buys postcards from wherever she’s travelled to as memorabilia. She writes the month, year, and who she was there with. They sit in a binder in her room. She prefers her postcards to the shot glasses that Anna will always buy. (”Anna, why did you buy this shot glass?” “It has boobs, duh,” Cleves said with a smirk on her face.)

Even if she’s sick, she does her best to push through. This isn’t always for the best, but she does it anyway.

She’s horrified of throwing up. Once she got the stomach bug, and she genuinely thought she was going to die again. She wrote goodbye letters to her fellow queens just in case.

At first, it was a joke that she was Mum. Like, the queens (specifically Anne and Kat) would call her Mum, but then one night, Kat let it slip out in a non-joking tone, and Jane’s heart fluttered. 

Now, they all call her Mum, sometimes in a joking tone (“You ol’ Mum” -Catalina, “Okay Mum *joking eye roll*” -Cleves, “What the- Mum!” -Cathy) and sometimes in a serious tone (“I love you Mum” -Kat, “Uh, Mum? A little help here?” -Anne, after she got stuck in the washer)

She’s definitely still trying to grasp the idea of the internet, but once she has it figured out, she strictly uses it for buying things the queens might need, especially during the pandemic. When she gets emails asking about the quality of delivery and the product, she responds happily.

“What’s so wrong with Amazon?” *Cathy rants about Jeff Bezos* “Well, I can promise you you won't see me on that site ever again,” Jane huffs.

She sometimes has nightmares, but she does everything in her power not to let her family know she gets them. She didn’t have it the worst afterall. If it’s particularly bad though, the queens know about it, and that’s when they get worried.

In a way, helping others is like helping herself.

On off days, she’ll spiral into the quiet and reserved woman she once was. The others worry about her the most on those days.

She often collaborates meals with Aragon because she can cook a nice home cooked meal, but she definitely is always up for collaborating and going out of her comfort zone for the others.

She definitely has all the other queens fooled that she loves all of the trashy reality tv shows, but she doesn’t. She keeps it on because she knows Kat likes them, and if it means Kat will curl up with her, she’ll pretend.

When going out, she takes so many pictures. She keeps all of them- yes, even the ones where she accidentally took pictures of her feet because “Well Kat, maybe I just really liked the way the sidewalk looked there”.

She’s definitely been known to fall asleep mid-sentence. Like, she’s really known for this. And she doesn’t nap often, but when she does, she’s out for hours. Every time.

[popwasabi]

“The Other Guys” wants cops to go after the real criminals

Before director/writer Adam McKay pivoted into populist screed’s against capitalism and political corruption in films like “Vice” and “The Big Short” he was largely known as one of the many “dumb comedy” directors working in Hollywood.

In fact, with major productions such as “Anchorman,” “Talladega Nights,” and “Step Brothers” he could almost be billed as THE dumb comedy director or certainly THE Will Ferrell director at least.

(To a certain extent, THE John C. Reilly director too.)

Those movies are certainly divisive amongst some filmgoers, as you either fall into the “turn your brain off and laugh” category or the “this is pure nonsense” crowd. I’m somewhat in the middle on all of it but one McKay/Ferrell vehicle provided a bridge between the “dumb comedy” years and his more serious satires of American politics and that movie was 2010’s “The Other Guys.”

Billed as just another parody of buddy cop flicks, “The Other Guys” is a comedy that still holds up pretty well by today’s standards. Mark Wahlberg in many ways plays an unhinged caricature of every tough guy persona he has ever played in detective Hoitz and perhaps more brilliantly Ferrell, as detective Gamble, is allowed to be the straight man of the duo for change, finding humor in a more subdued performance. Together they form a kinetic duo that play hilariously well off each other in a film that is rarely dull from start to finish.

(Flawless logic here in the famous Tuna vs Lion debate)

“The Other Guys” takes some decent shots at the violent nature of cop culture from excessive police overreach in the film’s hilarious opening scene to cops’ shoot first ask questions later approach with detective Hoitz backstory involving shooting Dereck Jeter during game 7 of the World Series. In between more typical Ferrell comedy flare involving hot wives and ex-wives, hobo sexy orgies, and TLC references there’s a lot of pointed, tongue-in-cheek humor at the police that one can find great humor in.

It’s a descent satire of the cop movie and the culture around law enforcement on this alone but McKay’s real target isn’t the police so much as it is who the police aren’t going after.

(For the record, peacocks and cops, for that matter, don’t fly.)

2008 probably feels like eons ago to many of you at this point but it was the year I personally came of age. I had graduated high school, The Lakers were good again, “The Dark Knight” and “Iron Man” had just come out, I had hopes and dreams as I entered college at San Jose State and oh…the Great Recession had just started!

I’m not going to go into extreme detail here but our economy had it’s worse collapse since the Great Depression caused by the subprime mortgage crisis due to vast widespread failures in financial regulation, breakdowns in corporate governance, vast trading and over borrowing, housing bubbles bursting, and heads of businesses just vastly ill-equipped to handle their hubris in that moment.

Major businesses and banks were on the verge of collapsing and then at the last minute the US government passed a $700 billion, with a capital B, bailout to put them all back in the green.

Corporations like Bank of America, Citi Group, Morgan Stanley etc received between $10-$25 billion each for their struggles and were able to stay alive in the country’s ever worsening state. This was great, except 2.6 million average working-class people lost their jobs during this period, including my father.

By the way, a guy like Joseph Casano, an executive at AIG, got a $34 million bonus for helping lead companies such as his into the recession.

This is McKay’s real target in “The Other Guys.” The satirical cop humor is largely window dressing to draw audiences in to the theaters so that he can show all of them who the real criminals of this country are.

As the plot of the story starts to kick into full gear the more obvious culprits of a typical Hollywood cop movie are dismissed. Though Hoitz is convinced it’s more the usual cop movie style villains of “sex and drug traffickers” at first, Gamble slowly pieces together a plot of dastardly insider trading. What it ends up being is that the bad guy is really just a doofus hedge fund manager named David Ershon played comically by Steve Coogan who made one too many bad investments to bad people.

Ershon has put his people and the people he owes money to deeper into the red, not at all unlike the wealthy CEOs and bankers who messed up the country during the 2008 recession, and it has led him to take desperate action to get everyone’s money back. Ershon, of course, tries to get Hoitz and Gamble off his tale by bribing them in a variety of hilarious ways (one of the funnier sequences of the film) but eventually gets caught up with the SEC and those who prosecute white collar crime (who are unsurprisingly also in bed with the people he owes money to).

(Somehow, I don’t think this is far off from reality...)

Hoitz and Gamble continue on the case but find that taking on white collar crime is…complicated to say the least but most importantly ineffectual as detailed in this scene.

(Again, probably not far off from reality...)

The 2008 recession, wiped out millions of jobs, with rural parts of the country getting hit the hardest and in many ways still feeling the effects today. If you were a POC you were even more unlikely to not recover from the crash. Property values plummeted, student high education success rates dropped, opiod overdoses from “unemployment deaths” and many more awful things happened during this period of great economic distress.

And what happened to the folks largely responsible for causing this mess? They got a fat fucking payday and a dismissive finger wag largely by our own government.

“The Other Guys,” more or less, ends the same way. Despite putting away Ershon, the company he was swindling, who gambled their people’s money, was still bailed out by the US government. A real “happy ending” that is played as a dark, matter of fact, joke before the credits roll.

(Again, we laugh but how far off from reality is this really?...)

I graduated from college in 2013, tens of thousands in debt from student loans and trying to navigate a largely bereft job market where wages had largely not changed in as many years. In 2008 average rent cost about $850 a month, by 2013 it was $953, today in 2020 it’s $1,097. The average entry level salary (for a clerical/ office professional) between 2008 and 2018 went from $46,886 to $45,882 showing a decrease in value.

In 2008 the richest man in the world, Warren Buffet, was worth $64 billion. The richest man in 2020, Jeff Bezos, is worth $200 billion.

If the fact that Jeff Bezos is worth more than some countries on this planet doesn’t make you infuriated alone I don’t know what will.

Btw Buffet’s net worth increased as well to $79 billion himself, in case you think it’s “unfair” to compare him to Bezos.

Sometimes I think the reason people aren’t angrier about this worldwide is 1) a bunch of us think we are all one hard working day away from being filthy fucking rich ourselves, one of the many great lies of capitalism and 2) many of us don’t actually know just how big a BILLION dollars is, so here let me help you all out:

With COVID in 2020 we’re seeing it all happen again, just as it did in 2008. Record unemployment rates, small businesses closing, evictions skyrocketing because no one can pay rent and all we got for it was a $1,200 band-aid (assuming you did get yours). Meanwhile billionaire slugs like Bezos and Elon Musk saw their net worth rise sharply during this period, hell even the fucking Lakers got a $4.6 million dollar “small business” loan (though they did return it…only after getting caught…).

The highest sum of cash ever stolen from a bank was $18.1 million (equivalent to roughly $30.1 million now) in 1997. These are the people cops and other “loose cannons” in popular actions movies are usually running up against. If you think stealing $30.1 million is a lot of money worth sending the cops over then $700 billion of our own tax dollars given to people who ruined the lives of millions of Americans should make you fucking furious. The only real difference here is one was made legal by our own elected government.

Adam McKay’s “The Other Guys” may be on its surface just another “dumb comedy” that mostly satirizes cops, but its villains are very real and unfortunately as American as apple pie. Under capitalism our labor only continues to get devalued every year (even the skilled positions), while the richest 1% of the human race only get fatter with their wealth. Things are only getting more expensive and the working man is getting priced out of more and more daily luxuries and even essentials. This way of life is not sustainable, especially for our environment which these dragons continue to plunder, and eventually we will need to actually hold our overlords accountable for letting it get this far.

If we don’t, they will continue to steal every penny in our pocket and bleed us dry until the next disposable drone can fill our place. If law enforcement won’t take this on, sooner or later we might have to…

Remember, pimps don’t cry...