#I just do not understand the mentality that life is over when you experience loss | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

harmoonix · 1 year

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Intense Astro Observations

~ Your comfort room ~

~ It's never easy to walk away ~

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Pluto - Moon aspects can feel the pain in different ways based on the way they experience the pain, if is anger they can act feel a lot of pain, if is sadness they can have a depressive mood etc..

Sun - Moon harsh aspects could've experienced in a war between their parents, it was always something happening and always ended up hurt, these things make them stronger but with the heart on thorns

Mars - Moon aspects are getting annoyed very fast and aswell they do get angry fast, their emotions can be very powerful and tend to have a hot temper (some natives with this aspect can experience anger issues)

Chiron in the 1st house or aspecting ascendant can make the native to experience different types of healing during their life time, emotional, physical and mental, you need to learn how to heal them when you feel them

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Cause I knew that that was

The last time i see you

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Mars - Chiron aspects are another indicator of someone who can experience anger issues or someone who can get violent fast, sometimes they don't understand how they react like this because of their feelings

Chiron - Neptune aspects can actually suffer of having nightmares or insomnia, especially if Neptune or Chiron are in the 6th or 12th house, the native can often have vivid dreams and experience nightmares and tend to stay late in the night

Juno in the 12th house or aspecting Neptune can often get signs in their dreams about their lovers, sometimes these can come as daydreaming for some natives

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Sometimes I wake up by the door

That heart you caught must be waiting for you

Even now, when we're already over

I can't help myself from looking for you

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Venus, Mercury, Saturn or Moon in the 11th house are the people who have loyal friendships/friends, for Saturn in this house the friends can appear in your life later or after you learn a lessons about friendships

8th house placements can experience grief or loss of someone in very sad and harsh ways, they can be broken mentally and emotionally disconnected from everything, in these situations their souls and hearts have a healing episode trying to heal

Pluto - Asc aspects and Lilith - ascendant aspects can often get blamed or accused for things they never did, and experience this "They started first, they did it first" kind of thing, people blaming you and you did nothing, makes you feel bad and hurt, your mentally strong babes 🙏🏼❤️

Is very hard to make someone to feel loved when they were hurt and couldn't feel nothing for a lot of times, that's what Pluto - Sun and Pluto - Saturn aspects can experience

Venus - Moon/Venus Pluto aspects are having this "I don't want anyone else just you", these natives love so much and can feel so much love towards their partners while Venus and Saturn aspects have this "You're the one for me" energy, because it can be very fated for them to met

Moon - Saturn aspects have indeed a very sensbile soul, they experience anxiety, panic attacks and a lot of phobias from very young ages and carry this "Fighter/Warrior" title on their head, they can get hurt easily and when karma comes back for those who hurt them it's unforgivable

South Node harsly aspecting Saturn/Moon can often have this "I always wanted to feel loved but my heart is empty" this aspect usually means problems with their family and the native was not loved properly

"I love but you i can't let you go" is someone with Lilith - Moon aspects can experience, they get attached very fast and become posesive of the person they attached to

"Learn what love means and then fight trying to make it work" is what Saturn - Venus/Saturn in the 7th, 8th and 5th houses and Saturn - Moon/Sun aspects can experience

"Love can be unpredictable, and it can hit when you don't expect it at all but it comes with a price" is what Uranus - Venus/Venus - Pluto and Venus - Mars aspects can experience

Neptune - Ascendant aspects and Neptune - Sun aspects can often experience flashbacks from their past and it can happen very often, talking with someone about a thing and then your mind goes back to something you experienced in the past

Chiron - Moon aspects can actually have a very hard time to get over bad feelings or bad moments that happen in their life, and it can happen for them to be very hard on themselves

Chiron in the 12th house could have a wound that implies their spiritual beliefs or their subconscious can be hurt, let's say that they could've had a very hard past life and some memories from that certain past life would come in dreams in this life (Chiron in the 12th house is such an interesting thing to have in a birth chart and can represent so many things I would need a whole post to talk about this placement i love it)

Chiron - Asteroid Nessus 7066 aspects can indicate having a hard time to heal from abuse/trauma/bad things happening in your life but aswell as having an "re-birth" after something traumatic can happen on your life

Vesta (4) in harsh aspects with Venus/Moon are the meaning of "No matter how kind you are, you can still get hurt". They usually are very kind people but it can happen for them to be so hurt

Juno (3) in harsh aspects with Ceres (1) shows that you need some amount of nurturing and love in relationships and the same can happen for your spouse they can be the type of people who got hurt pretty often and need this nurturing,love, support etc..I feel like people with these aspects love harder/different and can happen to need a lot of physical touch/love

🥀 Hello dear people 🤩, How have you beeeen? Sorry for not being so active it seems that some countries get holiday way faster than others 😭 anyway it is so warm outside it literally kills me because i don't really like this much warm (I prefer cold seasons more😭). I hope everyone stays safe because the climate change is no joke at all, please make sure to drink enough water or something cold to keep your body in a good state with such a warm climate 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

🌩️ About my post this is an interesting topic for me because usually there are good sides of astrology but of course there are gonna be some darker sides aswell 🌩️ If you have placements from this post that doesn't mean you are having bad placements it just means your placements can be more intense than others which is perfectly fine 🫶🏼🌩️

🩵 Much love and good energy for everyone reading my post, have an wonderful day angels🩵

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dancermk · 9 months

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HELLO MY FELLOW TRAVELERS!

I, like many viewers, have been completely entranced by Hawk and Tim’s love story in Fellow Travelers. As a mature queer person, this show has been very emotional, and I am deeply invested. (I WILL riot if Tim doesn’t get to die in Hawk’s arms, and know that he is, and has always been, loved by Hawk.) But I digress.

Something that I have been fascinated by are the differing opinions that have surfaced about the characters, especially Hawk. I’m not looking for any arguments here, everyone is entitled to their opinion, and this is simply mine. To me, Hawk falls hard and fast for Tim. He breaks all his own rules for Tim - they topple over like a house of cards.

When we are introduced to Hawk, he’s cold and heartless with the men he hooks up with - they are nothing more than a body to fulfil his sexual needs and desires. He doesn’t do repeats and he doesn’t bring them home. But Tim, he instantly begins returning to, gets him a job, then allows him into his own apartment, etc. When Tim pushes back, Hawk relents further, letting him in emotionally, sharing parts of his past, crossing lines by introducing him to others in his circle, and so on.

Hawk is a traumatised man, carrying guilt and anger and shame, and a bucket load of fear! Yes, he has some internalised homophobia, but interestingly, he’s also extremely righteous about his homosexuality -and I don’t believe he thinks being gay is wrong in any way. (His response to his father is indicative of this).

I can personally say that I’ve never thought it was wrong to be queer, yet I spent much of my life hiding who I was and feeling shame. It’s an odd thing! Perhaps it is that the shame forms purely from what is outside of us, while what is inside of us can love another person of the same sex, knowing it is right and pure. Perhaps these contradictions between self and society are what causes so much pain and conflict?

But back to Hawk. Hawk is undoubtedly most affected by his teenage first love experience. A love that he fucked up through his own fears (fear for many men is unacceptable and a sign of weakness), and now carries the burden of believing he is responsible for their death. Hawk doesn’t allow himself to love again, until Tim. And we see many times throughout the show how much Hawk fears losing Tim. And in the end he’ll have to face that fear. I think that, in part, not attempting to have a life with Tim, is also fuelled by his fear of fucking it up and losing Tim - so it’s easier to just not attempt it! In episode 7, when he loses his son, part of that spiral is Hawk recognising that he can’t really prevent loss, and he wasted his life trying to be something he’s not - still losing his child and Tim along with it.

But Hawk is a survivor! And no one has the right to hate or judge him for it. I don’t think some young people truly understand what it feels like to live in a world where who you love can put you in jail, and destroy your life. I grew up in the 70s/80s and my experiences were bad enough, but I try so very hard to think about what it was like before that! When being queer was a crime and a mental illness! That’s pure terror! And for Hawk, he chose to survive the best way he knew how, and he wasn’t able to change because that’s fucking hard when all you’ve known is living in constant ‘fight or flight,’ and when have chronic trauma and experience collective trauma.

I think in episode 8 we’ll finally get to see Hawk grow - I certainly hope so - because he deserves to be free. Our beautiful Skippy has been free for some time, and while we mourn for the cruelty of a world that would take such a truly decent man, I am glad he got to live freely. Being closeted is the worst kind of suffering- a compartmentalised and fragmented existence where you are never truly whole, and therefore can never be the best version of yourself.

Before I go, I just wanted to also talk about being in a closeted relationship-which I experienced in my youth. I think that Hawk and Tim’s intense and toxic and exquisitely beautiful relationship, in part, arises from this. Because two closeted people in love live their relationship in secret, in a bubble, only in certain rooms, with none of the outside world reflected back at them. It becomes the two of you against the world. It’s so insular. Hawk and Tim literally live their 1950s relationship within two rooms - their apartments. All their memories are held within those walls. And it only belongs to them. They know each in ways that no other living soul does. It’s all-consuming and often unhealthy, but also stupidly romantic.

Anyway, sorry for this long winded post that no one will read and is likely full of grammatical errors because I’m tired! This atheist is praying we get everything we need from episode 8! Acceptance, forgiveness, understanding resolution, healing and a whole lot of love! ❤️

Cheers queers! 🏳️‍🌈

PS Matt and Johnny are exquisite on and off screen and I am so thankful to them for bringing these characters and this story into our lives!

#fellow travelers #hawk and tim #hawkins fuller #tim laughlin #hawk and skippy #matt bomer #jonathan bailey #lgbtqia #queer media

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yannaryartside · 4 months

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Carmy has been a victim of gaslight his whole life

gifs by @robertacolndrez

So, the definition of gaslight, according to this site, is:

"Psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one's emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator."

According to Forbes Health, this are some of the things you experience when you are being constantly gaslighted.

Anxiety

Depression

Disorientation

Lowered self-esteem

Post-traumatic stress disorder

A hyperbolized fear of danger, known as hypervigilance

I want to zoom off that last one; remember when Carmy told in the group sharing session that he had to remember himself that the world was not falling? That he had to remember himself to breathe?

If we take "Fishes" as a basis to understand the family dynamics as they grow up (and I think we should), then we can get a pretty good idea of how much Carmy's feelings and thoughts were discredited growing up.

When he speaks up about how much shit they are giving him about his profession, Donna and Mickey attack him in the group to make them say "I love you," basically telling him that it doesn't matter that they make him feel like shit; Carmy is supposed to love them no matter what. I assume this is the answer he got every time he spoke up about boundaries being crossed, or maybe he was just so intimidated by his much larger and loud older brother or his aggressive mother. We can get traces of this trauma every time he gets insulted to his face in the show; it was so bad that it was Pete of all people who had to defend him (it is very telling that is Pete because to everyone else, insulting Carmy and him having to just take it seem to be a normal occurrence, Donna made it that way). It was the only way to keep the peace and the family functioning. Clining to the love he could take in the "good moments."

Here are some ways the most important people of his life had gaslight Carmy:

Donna seems to have a preference for Mickey over Carmy, a preference he is aware of but never understands why. Donna will throw "forks" of random aggression at Carmen, and he can never fight back. As a child, he was forced to think there was something wrong with him because that is the way a kid's mind works.

Mickey lied to him about why he cast him out and hid his addiction. Ignored Carmy's calls and then acted like Carmy (who was alone in a different city and in a very mentally aggressive industry) was making a big deal about it. Carmy wanted support, and Mickey (probably the only real parent figure he ever had) was making him feel shit about it.

gifs by @thoughtfulchaos773

When he confronted it about it, Carmy couldn't even look his brother in the face; that is how much deep down Carmy was intimidated by him. Mickey also never gave him a final answer about their dream restaurant. With time, the breach between the brothers got so big that the only call he ever received about Mickey was to inform him of his death.

gifs by @espumado

Richie, Mickey, and others started to tell him about who he should date. It seems like they still intend to make decisions for him on that front. (Fuck Fak and Richie). They knew Carmys had a crush on Claire at some point and were weaponizing his emotions; Mickey probably did it to compensate for how much of a shy brother he had been. It is possible they ver wanted Claire for themselves.

And then, you have Claire, that absolute promisse of uncomplicated love and affection. She doesn't necessarily gaslight Carmy, but she definitely has infantilized him in a couple of instances. Aka, this post.

That kind of game from Claire, suggesting to somebody else what they should think or say, is not acceptable either. When a person does that, they are aware they are doing it; it doesn't matter if they think it is harmless or not. Toxic behavior and ignoring boundaries don't stop being toxic because you have love/affection for the other person.

The fact that a victim of gaslight like Carmy is accepting this treatment, a person who had to go with what people wanted from him his whole life, feeling he had to adapt to receive love, because otherwise there was something wrong with him (Donna), makes it all worse. Carmy has associated (subconsciously) accepting insulting scenarios as part of a relationship with a loved one. With Claire, he accepts being infantilized and guided into saying the things she wants him to say. Yikes all around. I am not saying Claire is or would abuse Carmy, but this dynamic's undertone is not pretty.

I hate to end this on a shipper note, but for me, this all goes back to Sydney. Since the beginning, Syd is the only person who has established clear intentions with him and followed through with them. She does it when she says she wants something or will do something. Why does this "best friend" woman seem to have a less toxic approach to their relationship than his own girlfriend? That shit cannot be unintentional. Camy and Syd established in s2 that they could argue while recognizing their responsibility for the argument. No antagonizing, no lies, no manipulation.

#the bear meta #THERAPY IS URGENT #this man could not recognize a healthy relationship if it punched in his face #the bear #sydcarmy #carmy berzatto #sydney adamu #carmy x sydney #carmen berzatto #the bear fx #carmy the bear #sydney x carmy #anti claire bear #carmen bearzatto

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yuurivoice · 3 months

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Do you have any sort of dislike toward autistic people?

No??????

This is a wild question, but I'll bite.

I interact with multiple autistic people in my day to day life, and that expands beyond my inner circle of friends and into the broader community as well. As an ADHD haver, we're sorta rubbing elbows here and I wonder what would have turned up had I been tested for autism myself. We spoke about it during my screening and it came up as a "huh, maybe" but we didn't pursue it and it didn't get diagnosed.

In the course of my eight years of doing this whole YuuriVoice thing, I have dealt with a wide variety of internet strangers. Unfortunately this includes people who are purposefully rude, entitled, or some flavor of shitty and I have taken a firm stance when certain attitudes and language smacks me in the face. It has saved me a lot of grief from jerks.

Even more unfortunate is that sometimes there are autistic folks who for no fault of their own might come off that way when dealing with me anonymously, when I have no clue who a person is, what their intentions are, or what tone they are trying to take. So they end up getting bonked when they didn't need to be, and I wouldn't have bonked them in the first place had I known.

As it turns out, when someone is a random anonymous message in a sea of hundreds, I cannot actually decipher who is who or what is what. In any interaction I have had with someone I am familiar with and have even a slight understanding or inkling that they may be autistic, it's a whole different story because I can use my understanding and experience to manage my own expectations and comprehension of the interaction we are having.

It is sort of a strange phenomena because it's not like there's been some sort of sudden spike in autism amongst my audience, that's not how that works. They've been here the whole time. If I had to hypothesize, the latest batch of young adults who've found me might have folks who have not had the same experiences online that us older folks have had that sorta trained us differently. Not to sound like a boomer, but I think most millennials dealing with a variety of cosmic mental gacha rewards could probably attest to this. So we might have a lot of people having new types of interactions in new spaces.

I think on my end, I need to start assuming the best of people's intentions instead of the worst. I had to be hard in the early years, and there were genuinely people who would behave in ways that would bug the shit outta me and it had to be called out and dealt with in the light so people understood the expectation. It could also turn off people, and that was a loss I was willing to accept if it meant people didn't treat me like a content machine to be bent to their will and poked with sticks if their favorite blorbo didn't want to have a damn pet...for example. I swear to you, that exact interaction could happen with someone neurotypical who just wanted to kick my shins and give me a hard time because they didn't like the way I was writing my character. We've seen it happen plenty over the years, I've lived it, it's a thing.

So no, I have no issue with autistic folks. I cannot immediately diagnose someone based of the flavor of their text and assume the nature of their intentions. Through years of being an online person, I've been conditioned to be on the lookout for certain flags and unfortunately there are times where a completely innocent person ends up bumping into a guardrail.

Much like how I cannot control how people react and behave, I would caution against expecting me to not also react and behave in my own ways. I'm a person who struggles with my own shit too, and have had to manage it and purposefully adapt to my situation.

My little comfort characters I cooked up for my own delight ended up getting popular, and at any given moment they're loved, hated, slandered, adored, hyperfixated upon, not good enough, the best thing ever, absolute abominations, or just ALMOST okay but I didn't do it exactly how they would have done it. It's obviously a wonderful thing, that's the dream, people give a fuck about my work! But the downside is, that shit has my head in a blender constantly and is why I try to step back from wading into the deeper waters of the community, because I'm managing my own shit and trying not to make it everyone else's problem.

When things land in my inbox, anonymously, it's a big ol soup of everyone who could at any point be either my biggest hater, biggest fan, or just a troll who wants to piss in my cheerios.

So again, I will endeavor to try and assume the best intentions instead of the worst, and when in doubt I can just...STFU and not respond. It's that easy, so I should probably keep that in mind.

Hopefully that helps explain some of what's up in that regard, and certainly if anyone has felt like they've burdened me or been a nuisance, they should know that I understand and immediately recatagorize that interaction in my brain. So for example, the Finn Pet thing, I responded by stating that I was uncomfortable and understood and accepted that they did not have ill intentions. I'm not going to pretend I liked the question or the tone, but I respect that it was not coming from a place of trying to give me a hard time and I don't hold it against them. I like to think that is how moments of unintentional friction should be handled among adults. Apologies do not suddenly make things okay or undo your discomfort, but there is an understanding of the intent and an acceptance. I don't want to infantalize people, if I said "awww it's okay you're not dumb here let me indulge your headcanon" that not only sends the wrong message about how to respond to people who self depricate in response to negative reactions, but...no, I'm not just going to double back and treat the question differently.

Alright, I gave this a whole lotta energy and genuine care. I hope it is taken as such and we're all square.

#that was a whole lotta yapping but i hope i was clear

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championashley · 9 months

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Alright. I said I would write this and I’m gonna stay true to my word.

I’ve been seeing a lot of takes since The Giggle has come out questioning the potency of 14’s ending. People have been citing multiple different times during the reboot era where the Doctor has “settled down” somewhere, from Darillium, the university in S10, to even Trenzalore. However, I think all of these comparisons are apples to oranges, completely missing the details of each instance and how The Giggle’s ending rebukes all of them.

So, because I cannot leave an inaccurate take alone, I’m going through every single one of these instances and explain why 14’s ending is different from them, in chronological order.

I’m gonna start with a weird one: S7EP4, The Power of Three. Because it provides a good example of all the things we’re going to be talking about.

Prior to this episode, long time fans already had a good idea that the Doctor…does not do well in monotonous environments, a truth that is consistent across multiple incarnations.

“I don’t do families.”

“Street corner, two in the morning, getting a taxi home. I’ve never had a life like that.”

“Here you are, Living a life, day after day. The one adventure I could never have.”

“Christmas dinner.” “I don’t do that sort of thing.”

“Oh god I had a terrible nightmare about you two!” [Talking about Amy and Rory having a normal life in Leadworth]

The entirety of The Lodger

“There’s a bigger, scarier adventure waiting for you in there.”

The Power of Three, spells this truth out in bold, montage style marker pen. The Doctor “needs to be busy”. Why, as Amy later asks?

Personally I think this answer varies slightly between regenerations, based on experiences and losses each face goes through. 9 couldn’t imagine a life of peace coming out of a war, a war that he had a major hand in. 10 continues that idea, with the added baggage of losing Rose. 11’s reasoning is a bit subtler: he says to Amy that he is running to things before they go, as if he now understands how short beautiful things last. He’s going from one thing to the next in avoidance of staying to watch things die.

“And what’s the alternative? Me standing over your grave?”

This doesn’t change by the end of the episode. The Doctor explicitly tells the Ponds that he’s only staying to watch the cubes, and once the threat is gone, he’s already out the door. He only stops because of a potential threat, an idea we will return to in the next example. He even accepts the idea of Amy and Rory wanting to stay behind: “things to do. Worlds to save. Swings to swing on. Look, I know. You both have lives here. beautiful, messy lives. That is what makes you so fabulously human. You don’t want to give them up. I understand.” The Doctor is saying, ‘I know you have lives here, and that I can’t always be a part of that. And that’s ok.’

This episode in my opinion is a perfect microcosm of The Doctor regarding this topic, spelling out explicitly why The Doctor can't ever settle down. The Doctor needs to have something to run to because they don't feel secure enough in any place to not allow their altruism outweigh their need to process their trauma. The only thing that could motivate the Doctor to stop, even just for a second, is the promise that their friend(s) will be there too. The next example is the worst-case scenario of this issue.

Trenzalore is an interesting case. When I first heard of it being counted, I immediately shut it down, because Trenzalore was a literal war zone (wars are obviously not a good place for mental health time). But in doing research, there is actually way more baggage contained in this period making it unsuitable for this argument than just that fact.

Trenzalore was set up to be the Doctor’s final resting place, where they would truly die. It wasn’t the first time a death prophecy had surrounded the Time Lord, and once again, just as with The End of Time, the thing that kills them is, what Davros would later call The Doctor's “greatest indulgence”: compassion. Tasha Leem warns 11 that she will burn the planet upon the possibility of the Time Lords returning, a warning the Doctor takes extremely seriously.

“This planet is protected.”

“Christmas has a new sheriff.”

For 300 years, 11 stayed true to his word. He fought long and hard, for the townspeople and his own. He was celebrated and was loved. But Clara returning with the TARDIS revealed how he really felt about all of it.

“Everyone gets stuck somewhere eventually.”

“But you didn’t have your TARDIS.” “Well, that made it easier to stay.”

There’s an unspoken sentiment in these words, echoing 11's philosophy in Power of Three: the Doctor will always want to leave, in this case, to understandably avoid his prophesied death. But he doesn’t, because “Every life I save is a victory”. Their compulsion to help, their innate capacity to help those in need. So often it’s been their greatest strength, but here it’s framed as destructive selflessness. 11 has become so wholly committed to helping others before himself that he’s willing to accept his own death.

Clara correctly calls this out: “What about your life? Just for once, After all this time, have you not earned the right to think about that?” The Doctor didn’t stay on Trenzalore for himself, he stayed for everyone besides himself. It’s only because Clara gave the Time Lords a proper verbal smackdown that the Doctor managed to survive. Had they not intervened, The Doctor would've suffered and died, once again to protect them, despite already saving them from annihilation in the previous episode, Day of The Doctor. Trenzalore wasn't The Doctor stopping, it was a century-long effort to keep satiating the bottomless survivor's guilt they still carried from The Time War.

Darillium is yet another case of looking like a time the Doctor settled down somewhere on the surface. But the details don’t match that conclusion. The entire thesis of 12 and River’s final conversation was about the fleeting nature of their situation.

“Times end, River, because they have to. Because there’s no such thing as happily ever after. It’s just a lie we tell ourselves because the truth is so hard.”

The Doctor says this, cries at hearing the Singing Towers, despite already knowing they have 24 years in a night. Because he knows it can’t last. There’s already a deadline on their moment of peace before it’s begun. Eventually River must go to The Library.

The final quote of the episode punctuates this: “And they lived happily ever after.” Fading away until “happily” remains. Because they didn’t have their “ever after” and they didn’t “live”, because a person can’t entirely experience life to the fullest with a clock hanging over their head.

While they got their moment of happiness, it was only a moment. 24 years is just a blink of an eye for a Time Lord, and sure enough, we see by the end of “The Return of Doctor Mysterio”, the next chronological episode, 12 is ready to leap back into the fray. Still the same overall Doctor he was before.

The University is an extension of this. We find out that the only reason he has stayed is to guard Missy in the vault. When 12 tries to mindwipe Bill (an eerie parallel to both Donna and Clara), he directly says: “I have no choice, I’m in disguise. I have promises to keep.” Just like with Trenzalore, The Doctor’s altruism has trapped him somewhere he doesn’t actually want to be. The second he hesitates, he immediately runs after Bill, inviting her into the TARDIS and sneaks off to the universe behind Nardole’s back.

So, now that we’ve gone through each past instance, what’s the connection? What’s the key issue(s) that prevented the Doctor from permanently stopping in any of these cases?

The (fear of) loss of their friends, and the Doctor’s own self-loathing. Either out of fear of the march of time, or the chains that their altruistic nature binds them to, The Doctor always runs away from the picket fence life.

Now, let’s look at 14 and how this ending departs from all other examples.

Wild Blue Yonder and The Giggle more prominently explains 14’s origins as a coping mechanism. The reason why 10’s face came back was to retreat to an incarnation that didn’t invoke the loss of The Ponds, Clara, and Bill. The second destruction of Gallifrey and the reveal of The Timeless Child. The Doctor’s avoidance of their trauma has now been made physical, just like how mental stress can often manifest as physical changes or ailments.

“We stand here now, on the edge of creation, a creation that I devastated, so yes I keep running, of course I keep running!! How am I supposed to look back on that?!”

Already this is a departure from the instances we’ve discussed, because by the very nature of having 10’s face again, it’s forcing the Doctor to ask why.

“It’s like I'm trying to tell myself something. Like I’m trying to make a point.”

But 14 chooses not to answer it, because answering it means accepting the truth: it’s too much. The trauma can’t be avoided anymore, because The Doctor would always be reminded of what they’re trying to avoid by looking in a reflection. 14 telling Shirley, “I don’t know who I am anymore.” Then asking Donna, “what am I? What am I now?” It’s not because he’s been given a blank slate and doesn’t know what to do with it, like other regeneration stories. In trying to run away again, to bury the trauma and pain, The Doctor has made it more visible than ever, and doesn’t know what to do with that.

Ironically, the Toymaker causing the bi-generation was the greatest gift he could’ve given the Doctor, because 15 was exactly who 14 needed to see. He’s happy, energetic, full of life and wonder, but also empathetic, understanding and open. He’s the only other person in the entire universe who The Doctor will listen to (well, one person, we’ll get to the other later), because he knows all of the trauma they went through, and yet, made it through ok.

“But you’re fine.”

“I’m fine, because you fix yourself.”

15 is leading by example, their own ‘ghost of Christmas future’ but positive. 14 now has an ideal self to strive towards, a face born from love and empathy. 14 doesn’t have to ground herself out of moral obligation, 15 will now protect the universe.

But that leaves one question: why Donna? Out of all of the people to settle down with, why her? That’s easy: because she gets it.

Donna, out of all of the companions the Doctor traveled with, understood the soul behind the legend, because she recognized someone fundamentally similar to herself. One of Donna’s signature character flaws is her horrendously low self esteem: “I’m nothing special.” no one ever listened to her (thanks Sylvia, for at least cleaning up your act later), so she covered up the silence with noise. She held onto whatever indisputable moments of genius she had to drown out the cacophony of voices shutting her up. Wild Blue Yonder explained this perfectly: Donna believes she is both brilliant and stupid at the same time.

She lives in two contradictory self images at once, and so does The Doctor. The genius and the idiot. The universe’s most fascinating person, and the person who would easily throw away their life for the betterment of others. She’s seen their blinding arrogance/rage (the Racnoss, Jenny) and their crippling self doubt/loneliness, and always met both with empathy and kindness.

“Doctor! You can stop now!”

“Cause sometimes I think you need someone to stop you.”

“It won’t stay like that. She’ll help you. We both will.”

“Is ‘alright’ special Time Lord code for ‘really not alright’ at all?” “Why?” “Cause I’m alright too.”

Donna shouldered the burden of destroying Pompeii, she silently hugged 10 after coming back from Midnight. All because she knew what all of that would feel like in her own life. She didn’t need to know the history of The Doctor and Davros, because she saw her best friend afraid and knew he would want comfort, because she would too.

Even if Dalek Caan manipulated the timelines to get Donna to him, That friendship was completely real to both of them. We saw what Donna was like without the Doctor in Forest of the Dead and Turn Left, and she always felt some level of unhappiness. 15 years removed from them and she still felt as if something was missing. In every future/reality, she always wanted them there. Same for the Doctor too. Within only a few episodes of losing her, 10 started to fall into becoming the “time lord victorious”. 12 looks the way he does because of Donna’s plea to adhere to his name, and save people. Even before 14 came into existence, the Doctor was willing to tell other people how important she was to them, on account of River recognizing Donna by her name: “you’re Donna, Donna Noble.”

Donna didn’t just travel with the Doctor and she wasn’t just friends with them. She completely understood them, their soulmate. Two halves of a greater whole, The DoctorDonna. 14 stayed because there was a more stable incarnation to take his place, and because his best friend would be there alongside him, helping and supporting him through and through. The Doctor stayed because, for the first time in their life, they felt safe. In where they would be staying, and what they would be leaving behind.

That's why 15 doubling the TARDIS was so significant. In giving 14 her own TARDIS, 15 is allowing his younger self to have what they always removed from the equation: free will. The Doctor can still go anywhere they want, which makes them even more motivated to stay and fix themself. 14 can feel safe staying with Donna, Wilf, Mel, Rose, Shaun, and Sylvia because the option to travel is still there.

And the truly amazing part of all of this is that the TARDIS knew it from the beginning. Was it a coincidence that very soon after 13 regenerated into 14, the TARDIS landed close to where Donna and Rose would be shopping?

“You didn’t always take me where I wanted to go.” “No, but I always took you where you needed to go.”

The TARDIS brought the Doctor home, and this time, they stayed. Because it was a place where they wanted and needed to be.

#doctor who #doctor who spoilers #fourteenth doctor #donna noble #dw meta #dw spoilers #doctor who meta #meta writing

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quitealotofsodapop · 9 months

Note

(resending this cuz it seems like some of my asks got deleted)

thank you for posting this ver of the ask, and thanks for the extra responses!

[Macaque having the mega-regret when he finds out all those years later about the Stone Egg, feeling like a dad who wasn't around for their (ex)partner and unborn baby and barely having enough time to adjust when baby arrives.]

considering he just finds out about the baby mere weeks before their born, and only actually starts the path to reconciliation the day before if not the day Wukong goes into labor depending on how long it is between the final battle ending and the campsite scene, he really didn't have a lot of time to get used to the idea of possibly being a dad (not even knowing if he wanted to rebuild his relationship with Wukong until he was un-possessed) until their was already a baby in his arms, but he is forever grateful he made the decision to stay.

that being said, I feel like with him feeling like he missed a lot causes Wukong to have to reassure him often that what really matters is that he's here now, and that as long as he makes the effort to be apart of Yuebei's life now Wukong wouldn't have it any other way. I think Macaque (even if a little wistfully) loves to listen to Wukong telling old pregnancy stories of funny or fond moments he missed. he probably likes hearing stories of bad moments too, so he gets a more full understanding of Wukong's pregnancy experience.

[likely responding to the Samadhi fire like it would consumable dao like; "Hey, can I eat that- OOO NO SPICY!!!").]

Yuebei trying to eat the Samadhi fire is absolutely hilarious, so is Yuebei describing a world ending fire that can tear apart the fabric of reality "spicy" in baby terms. as a baby she tries to chew on Red Son hair "because the spiciness has gone down."

[Wukong's mental health was not good after the ritual]

Wukong def doesn't leave Ao Lie's side for weeks after the ritual to make sure he's okay (I like to think that the fourth ring wasn't a problem at first, but as time passed symptoms started cropping up and then they started getting worse and worse). When the affects of the ring start becoming noticeable and then beginning to worsen Wukong only becomes more distraught. he tries everything to help Ao Lie, but he just keeps getting worse, Wukong apologies at least 200 times everytime they see each other, Ao Lie never blames him for anything. Wukong is there when he dies, Wukong's mental health obviously takes an even worse turn.

[Wukong risked his own baby for them, and the couple don't learn this until centuries later.]

they are both all the more grateful when they finally learn, especially PIF who understands that putting his own baby at risk for hers must have been a difficult decision, so he also has more respect from her because of that. they also chastise him for putting his own baby at risk.

but imagine how they (and Ne Zha) would feel upon learning the reason he slipped was his baby reacting badly to the fire, considering losing control and slipping was something he got a lot of flack for because of the danger it posed.

[Spider Queen turns, only to see Guanyin/Kuan Yin glaring her down like the vengeful goddess she is.]

Spider Queen is losing her mind because of her loss, she turns her attention on her own minions for a moment, they don't react at all because they are used to her temper. all of a sudden, they do start shrinking back and acting scared, Spider Queen's yelling falters as a shadow falls over her. she turns, looks up, and finds herself being stared down by a very angry Guanyin.

SQ gets her ass handed to her.

LBD stays hidden until Guanyin leaves, ot wanting to risk being seen by the vengeful goddess and risk their wrath. SQ trusts her a little more than in og canon because when LBD comes out of hiding she also brings a healing item of some kind to heal SQ from injuries sustained from her beat down from Guanyin.

[Instead of the infamous "OH WUKONG!" while flying overhead at the end of S2, Macaque instead announces hos presence to MK specifically.]

so blatantly ignoring Wukong's presence while the bone demon is practically hovering over his shoulder would be too obvious. he fixes this by only seeming to attack when MK starts trying to talk about him. MK's got Wukong alone on the deck of the airship about to tell him about the shadowplay? "ooooo MK!". Wukong and MK meet up while trying to escape the east sea palace and MK once again tries to warn Wukong about the shadowplay incident? I don't think so. MK: *running out of the east palace* Monkey King, there you are! are you ok? SWK: I'm good bud MK: good, I know I didn't get to explain earlier about Macaque but he- MK: *Macaque's staff skims his hair and embeds itself in the wall behind him* MK: STOP INTERRUPTING ME! MK: *a shadow clone comes out of nowhere to punch him, causing both MK and wukong to scramble* MK: on second thought, maybe I'll just stop talking.

[Wukong gets the drop on him cus it's such a paradoxial offer. If he agrees, his baby will be a lonely little cub in the world like he was + he'll lose all his found family and the world at large. If he refuses, LBD might just decide to aim for the Egg directly, taking away something Wukong has been incubating/nuturing for centuries away from him and using the energy accumilated within to fuel her mech.] + [LBD does not think about feeding Wukong in this timeframe ofc, since in her mind he's an immortal self-sustaining puppet now. It's ultimately what leads to her demise...]

the thought of losing the found family he's managed to gain after spending so long alone makes him falter, he pushed everyone away for centuries until now and he's just started relearning what it's like to have his loved ones around again, he doesn't want to lose them now.

but on the other hand the thought of LBD targeting his egg and using their dao to fuel her mech makes him feel physically sick. he can't afford to lose his egg, not after this long. he'd never recover.

funny, how it ends up being LBD who gets consumed by the egg. how the tables have turned.

as concerning as the egg consuming her initially was, Wukong can't help but smirk and call it hubris.

[You know when the Mayor gets un-possessed by LBD? Think that, but the soul energy is getting eaten like a string of noodles and slurped into Wukong's body.]

that is terrifying, I'm gonna have to draw that now. (as of you seeing this, the drawing has already been submitted)

[The Egg needed Wukong to gain a couple few more family members before it could "hatch" into Baby. XD]

egg was like "troop is here? mate is here now? food is sufficient? now these are prime birth conditions!" *sends Wukong into labor*

[Mac's crying cus he's finally coming to terms with why Wukong hurt him all those years ago + he's meeting his former mate's little cub who looks like him!! He makes a sound akin to a dying squeaky toy when he's asked how he thinks of little Yuebei.]

seeing Yuebei look like him and the joy that brings him and Wukong both is def one of the things that makes it finally click. he so easily could have lost this by his own hand, he could've cost Wukong this. in that moment he not only gets over the whole dying thing completely in an instant, he almost feels glad that Wukong did whatever he had to to ensure little Yuebei's safety, even if it was Macaque himself Wukong had to keep her safe from.

Wukong def thinks Macaque's "dying squeaky toy" reaction to being asked about what he thinks of Yuebei is adorable.

[DBK holds it together until he has Yuebei in his palm. Smaller than even Red Son was as a baby. DBK does one deep breath... and quickly has to pass the baby to PIF cus his eyes have turned into waterfalls. She's so small!!] + [... but holding Yuebei is the first time in a long time she makes a joyful snotty sob. The baby monkey is confused by the bodhisattva's reaction, and tries kissing her tears away. This only makes her honorary aunt/grandmother cry even harder with pride and joy.] + [+Not to mention how hard MK cries when Wukong introduces him to Yuebei as "your honorary big brother". Mei has hundreds of timelapsed photos of MK as his face contorts into an ugly cry as he holds Yuebei for the first time.]

Wukong and Macaque as DBK's sworn brothers def joke that they always knew he was a big softy.

Wukong is laughing at Yuebei trying to kiss Guanyin's tears away whilst also giving Guanyin a big hug.

MK loves that he's being referred to as the big brother, even if only honorary. Mei def has hundreds of photos of everyone's reactions.

[He reminds himself to say sorry to Wukong for not checking if the Buddha's punishment was Stone Monkey friendly. Wukong and Mac laugh him off cus the Gold Star of Venus is currently having his beard nearly yanked off by the playful newborn cub.]

all in all, Gold Star is very happy that it all worked out for them in the end. they are too.

[Azure: "What do you think little cub? Am I not a fine Emperor and guardian? Do you think your mother will warm to being at my side?" Yuebei, hungry, frustrated, and bored: *glares and makes a distinctly "Macaque"-sound as her ears glow* The Brotherhood: "..." Peng: "She must be hard to impress. As any princess ought to be." Azure: *feels a little better* :'3 Yellowtusk the Wise, internally: "I'm telling Guanyin. I am not going to be held responsible for what nonsense Azure gets up to regarding Wukong and the infant."]

it would be even worse considering Yuebei likely has Azure as a "bad voice", so him talking about her Baba would not make her feel any better, even if she can't actually understand what is being said.

Yellowtusk looks at Azure talking about having Wukong at his side at last with an infant (that he was being neglectful of) that so very clearly belonged to Macaque, with Macaque and Wukong seeming to be on good terms these days if Macaque's anger at Azure for imprisoning Wukong in the scroll was anything to off of, and start seeing just how possessive and obsessive Azure really was and just goes "oh, you are a terrible person, actually" and decides that his brothers aren't actually the people he wants to associate himself with.

[If Azure still had a tail, Yuebei would have taken it as a chew toy long before the MKrew (love that name) got there. And Wukong would have let her keep it as a trophy.]

they'd have it like, preserved or something so they could keep letting her use it as a chew toy. if not that then they would have hung it only the mantle place where they've also been keeping LBD's skull for the time being.

Referencing this Slow Boiled Au post.

[considering he just finds out about the baby mere weeks before their born, and only actually starts the path to reconciliation the day before if not the day Wukong goes into labor depending on how long it is between the final battle ending and the campsite scene, he really didn't have a lot of time to get used to the idea of possibly being a dad (not even knowing if he wanted to rebuild his relationship with Wukong until he was un-possessed) until their was already a baby in his arms, but he is forever grateful he made the decision to stay.]

Once Mac learned that Wukong got possessed trying to take down LBD, the shadow monkey almost 99% decided that he wasn't going to lose his King to that bony biotch. And depeneding on how messy the Samadhi Fire ritual goes, the last thing Wukong says to Macaque is along the lines of "You ruined everything!", and Macaque doesn't want those to be the last words he hears his King say...

And ofc the protective Stone Monkey instincts kick in once he sees; 1: His pregnant mate being forced to fight, 2: LBD tossing her human-cub host aside like trash, 3: The kids almost dying trying to control the Samadhi Fire etc...

And soon Macaque started to remember how much him and Wukong discussed Having a family once the war on heaven was over, and how much they both wanted to be parents...

And soon there's a newborn monkey in his arms, and Macaque can't stop smiling and crying at the same time. He's so excited and overjoyed and scared that he isn't sure how to feel.

[that being said, I feel like with him feeling like he missed a lot causes Wukong to have to reassure him often that what really matters is that he's here now, and that as long as he makes the effort to be apart of Yuebei's life now Wukong wouldn't have it any other way. I think Macaque (even if a little wistfully) loves to listen to Wukong telling old pregnancy stories of funny or fond moments he missed. he probably likes hearing stories of bad moments too, so he gets a more full understanding of Wukong's pregnancy experience.]

Macaque says something like: "Sorry I wasn't here for alot of it.", and Wukong just replies like "Eh. You got plenty of time to make it up."

Macaque often asks Wukong "how it was" to be carrying the Stone Egg. especially for so long, and he's always glad to hear Wukong's rambling stories about his odd symptoms ("You couldn't eat peaches?! How did you survive?") and the tales of the many gods and demons that shrunk away nervously when they discovered his condition. Macaque is still shocked that Wukong managed to keep the Egg a secret from PIF and DBK (and most of Heaven) for so long too - and might give him the stinkeye for risking himself and the baby during the Samadhi Fire ritual.

Its also around the time Macaque really has it sink in that; "Oh sh-t. I attacked the Monk and fought Wukong when he was pregnant. No wonder he killed me." He isn't sure how to build himself up to discussing this fact with Wukong yet, but he'll get there.

[Yuebei describing a world ending fire that can tear apart the fabric of reality "spicy" in baby terms. as a baby she tries to chew on Red Son hair "because the spiciness has gone down."]

Red Son holds Yuebei for the first time (after a lot of encouragement from his parents and MK), and the first thing the baby does is tug Red's hair from his ponytail and try chewing it. Red's hair is ruined with baby monkey drool by the time someone gets Yuebei off of him.

Wukong, snorts out a laugh at the sight: "She must like hot food. She tried eating the Samadhi Fire the first time around." Nezha: "She what?!" Wukong: "Oh yeah... didn't tell you that part yet." Nezha, angry flames flaring up: "You mean to tell me that you were "with Stone Egg" during the ritual to separate the Samadhi Fire!? She could have suffered the same fate as Ao Lie!" Wukong, guilt-ridden: "Yeah. Don't remind me. She kicked me non-stop for days afterwards." Yuebei: *tries grabbing Nezha's skates to test the "spicyness"*

Red makes sure to keep his hair covered the next time he sees the cub.

[Wukong def doesn't leave Ao Lie's side for weeks after the ritual to make sure he's okay (I like to think that the fourth ring wasn't a problem at first, but as time passed symptoms started cropping up and then they started getting worse and worse).] + [Wukong apologies at least 200 times everytime they see each other, Ao Lie never blames him for anything. Wukong is there when he dies, Wukong's mental health obviously takes an even worse turn.]

Even being a dragon that could handle flame magic, Ao Lie was ultimately just *one* dragon. One that rarely used his fire magic at all save for the time he acted out at his father pre-Journey. He practiced great self-control in making sure that the Ring he held within didn't start a blaze that spread outwards to hurt his friends.

But in supressing his symptoms, Ao Lie inadvertently hid how much pain he was in from his dearest friends. Wukong knew something was wrong immediately when the infamous White Horse Dragon no longer had the strength nor will to carry even one of his pilgrim brothers. The weakness, the pain, the burning in his joints; it was all to obvious how hard the dragon tried to hide it.

Wukong cries for months after Ao Lie leaves them/passes away. And the dragon's last words to assure his friend that he never blamed him for the accident, nor his baby. Ao Lie was just sad that he'd never be able to meet the cub in this lifetime. He just wants Wukong to stop being so hard on himself for it. If only the dragon he tell him that in person.

[they are both all the more grateful when they finally learn, especially PIF who understands that putting his own baby at risk for hers must have been a difficult decision, so he also has more respect from her because of that. they also chastise him for putting his own baby at risk. but imagine how they (and Ne Zha) would feel upon learning the reason he slipped was his baby reacting badly to the fire, considering losing control and slipping was something he got a lot of flack for because of the danger it posed.]

OH the second PIF hears that Wukong put himself at risk of the Samadhi Fire whilst pregnant - she's flying straight over to shout how "stupid and reckless it is!". But she soon calms down and pulls him into a soft hug, whispering with a single tear (out of range of the kids); "Thank you for saving my baby. Now allow me to protect yours." Wukong was confused but very touched that the Princess recognised the risk he took in helping lil Red Son all those years ago. She knows it was a tough call to make.

When the lotus prince overhears that Sun Wukong has been pregnant "since at least the Journey", he just crumbles at the realisation that Wukong was in fact pregnant during the ritual. Nezha blames himself for not recognising that Wukong was carrying at the time, and even more so how he blamed him for "screwing up!" the ritual whilst distracted. He now realises that the baby was likely reacting to the sudden surge of fire magic and Wukong was in great pain. He def makes an awkward apology once they run into eachother at the start of S3. He refuses to let Wukong get into danger or exert himself tho - Nezha's a momma's boy at heart after all.

[Spider Queen's yelling falters as a shadow falls over her. she turns, looks up, and finds herself being stared down by a very angry Guanyin. SQ gets her ass handed to her.]

Spider Queen hears the sounds of a thousand knuckles cracking and realises that she's looking at the person who might as well be the Monkey King's Mama. SQ ain't even mad by the end of it. She would have done the same (she'd def the kinda mom to beat up her kids' bullies).

I love the imagery of the rest of the Spider Gang just... watching it unfold. They only need a single glare from Guanyin to not step in. LBD is hiding far away atm cus she knows the goddess would recognise her magic at a glance. Or recognise her host as being a possessed little girl and reverse-kidnap her for an exorcism.

LBD only comes out to heal SQ's injuries from the Divine butt-whooping once Quanyin has left. And although SQ kinda trusts the demon a little more, she's far more hesistant to step on the Monkey King's toes than before if his Mama's gonna respond. SQ is a lot more scheming for the rest of S2.

[so blatantly ignoring Wukong's presence while the bone demon is practically hovering over his shoulder would be too obvious. he fixes this by only seeming to attack when MK starts trying to talk about him.]

I can almost imagine Macaque's demeanor becoming especially cold towards the crew, particularly MK. He can't risk Wukong knowing that MK told Macaque about not only the baby, but also how Wukong was pregnant during the Journey. He just wants to grab the Kid, give him to LBD, fufill his contract, and maybe make up for it later when this all blows over.

Macaque from MK's perspective during S3;

But by ignoring Wukong and focusing solely on MK, he still draws Wukong's attention. His sunlight isn't a dumb monkey. He knows what Macaque ignoring somebody looks like (thinking back to the Brotherhood days when Macaque would pretend not to hear Peng's criticisms). And he's still protective over "his cub" whenever MK dodges a shadow attack.

Eventually it comes to a head when they meet just after Lantern City. Macaque is clearly in pain from an icy curse, and isn't saying anything to him. He's aknowledging Nezha sure, but it's like he's pretending Wukong doesn't even exist right now - even as he leaves the King untouched by the powers lended to him by LBD.

Wukong, shouting: "Why are you doing this!? Don't you know that Lady Bone Demon will kill everyone if she gets her hands on the Fire!? Macaque: *silently tries to fly past Wukong towards the ritual sight* Wukong, flying infront of him: "STOP! You've been like this, this whole road trip! Are you possessed? Or are you too much of a coward to look me in the eye!?" (*a small one-sided mid-air fight happens as Wukong beats the everloving crap out of Macaque, slamming him into the rocks below*) Wukong, crying: "C'mon! JUST TALK TO ME!!!" Macaque, sad frown as the ice spreads: "I don't... want to make you choose again." Wukong: "What!? That makes no sense!" Macaque: *goes silent again. Escapes Wukong's hold via shadow portal and books towards the ritual altar*

Odds are Macaque doesn't even force Tang to do the ritual, the ice on his body having spread so much that he can barely whisper "Do it." before the scholar catches on the severity of the situation. Wouldn't be surprised if the shadow monkey stayed with the group afterwards as a "my bad" once the curse was lifted.

Wukong only realises after he confronts LBD and gets her ultimatium what Macaque meant by "choose again"...

[the thought of losing the found family he's managed to gain after spending so long alone makes him falter, he pushed everyone away for centuries until now and he's just started relearning what it's like to have his loved ones around again, he doesn't want to lose them now. but on the other hand the thought of LBD targeting his egg and using their dao to fuel her mech makes him feel physically sick. he can't afford to lose his egg, not after this long. he'd never recover. funny, how it ends up being LBD who gets consumed by the egg. how the tables have turned. as concerning as the egg consuming her initially was, Wukong can't help but smirk and call it hubris.]

In the question of his new family vs his Egg; Wukong would always be left stalling. Wukong def sees LBD'a hubris as her downfall, but admits that she really threw him for a loop when she made the offer. He especially laughs at the fact that the Egg consumed LBD almost in the same fashion it tried absorbing the Samadhi Fire so many years ago - guess his baby found the ancient demoness "less spicy".

BTW I love the art you did for this scene!! Stone Egg had enough of LBD's nonsense and was Hangry, and Bama had spoken some sense into Baba, and now Nom NOM NOMNOM.

[egg was like "troop is here? mate is here now? food is sufficient? now these are prime birth conditions!" *sends Wukong into labor*]

Be post-battle Wukong thinking all his aches and pains are just from his injuries/possession, and not from his baby sending him into extended labor. >:3

Stone Egg knows when the Time is Right. And the troop is all here so... being born time.

[seeing Yuebei look like him and the joy that brings him and Wukong both is def one of the things that makes it finally click. he so easily could have lost this by his own hand, he could've cost Wukong this. in that moment he not only gets over the whole dying thing completely in an instant, he almost feels glad that Wukong did whatever he had to to ensure little Yuebei's safety, even if it was Macaque himself Wukong had to keep her safe from. Wukong def thinks Macaque's "dying squeaky toy" reaction to being asked about what he thinks of Yuebei is adorable.]

Oh gosh Macaque realising that the baby looking like him brings Wukong joy too would make him cry even harder. He almost cost his mate everything by risking the world over his own debt to the Bone demon. Mac would gladly have died all over again if it kept the baby safe.

Wukong, petting Yuebei's big fluffy *glowing* ears: "So cute. What do you think, Plums?" Macaque: *blubbering, dying squeaky toy sound* Wukong, laughing softly: "Me too." *kisses Yuebei's face* Yuebei: *grumpy sleepy coo*

Its a very sappy moment between the pair.

[Wukong and Macaque as DBK's sworn brothers def joke that they always knew he was a big softy. Wukong is laughing at Yuebei trying to kiss Guanyin's tears away whilst also giving Guanyin a big hug. MK loves that he's being referred to as the big brother, even if only honorary. Mei def has hundreds of photos of everyone's reactions.]

PIF isn't far behind her husband either. The tiny precious thing in her arms nearly died in a bid to save her own baby. She plants a big kiss on Yuebei's forehead, forgetting that her lipstick stains. Her husband chuckles, still teary-eyed, at his wife's embarassment at planting a big kiss mark on the baby's head.

Guanyin is at Wukong's bedside, still crying at how beautiful and healthy the long-awaited baby is. And Yuebei is just "why you crying? lemme do the thing everyone did to me when I was crying" and tries planting big wet kisses below Guanyin's eyes. Wukong is just beaming with how sweet the sight is.

MK is having unknown instinctual urge to curl up with Yuebei (his honorary sister) next to the other monkeys. Pigsy laughs that MK did the same with his fave plushie for years.

[it would be even worse considering Yuebei likely has Azure as a "bad voice", so him talking about her Baba would not make her feel any better, even if she can't actually understand what is being said.]

Yuebei has very vague memories of Bad Sounds, like the three Brotherhood hurting her Baba a long time ago. The birdy (Peng, who captured Wukong in the Yin-Yang vase that nearly killed him) gets the fastest response of anger - which only proves to the trio that Macaque is the baby's other parent.

Peng: "Hmph. With these ears, we don't need any guesses on who the other-" Yuebei: *screeches like a banshee when Peng comes closer!* >:O! The Brotherhood: "..." Peng, amused smile: "Though, she's certainly braver than he was." Yuebei: *most intimidating hiss she can muster* Azure, thinking it's like a kitten spitting: "Aww."

Also, Mac is def the kinda guy to use exaggerated versions of the Brotherhood's voices when narrating villain characters in Yuebei's books. The little raspberry noises (or "Boos" as Mac likens them to) she makes at the voices encourages him even further.

With the Brotherhood, Yuebei keeps hearing them talking about her Baba and Bama, and the rest of her troop, but its all in tones that sound super negative and she *hates* it. She just wants her parents!

[Yellowtusk looks at Azure talking about having Wukong at his side at last with an infant (that he was being neglectful of) that so very clearly belonged to Macaque, with Macaque and Wukong seeming to be on good terms these days if Macaque's anger at Azure for imprisoning Wukong in the scroll was anything to off of, and start seeing just how possessive and obsessive Azure really was and just goes "oh, you are a terrible person, actually" and decides that his brothers aren't actually the people he wants to associate himself with.]

By this point Azure is also corrupted by the Emperor's power, so a lot of what he's saying is a mix of geniune yearning, and maddened desire. In the old days, Azure would at least keep these thoughts hidden and focus on the bigger picture. Now he's spiralling down a Caligulan rabbit-hole with Wukong's increasingly-distressed infant in his grasp.

Yellowtusk immediately catches on that this Azure Lion is not the man he called brother anymore. He makes the quick decision to alert someone outside the Celestial Realm for assistance, even if it compromises their successful coup. And considering Yellowtusk is the only one with the sense to feed and bathe the hostage infant, he's not surprised when she turns on Azure and Peng specifically.

[they'd have it like, preserved or something so they could keep letting her use it as a chew toy. if not that then they would have hung it only the mantle place where they've also been keeping LBD's skull for the time being.]

Oh they would have. Wukong def would preserve Azure's tail like a dog's chew toy if Yuebei wanted to keep it. But I think Azure canonically doesn't have a tail - it's not in his design, though in Jttw its's described as "long as a broom". If it were I def see Yuebei throwing Azure around by it like plush toy.

Some of Peng's feathers are stolen too (Yuebei had a mouthful of them) and Macaque and Sandy turned the feathers into a cat toy. Mo and Yuebei both adore it.

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unrvlybutch · 6 months

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I believe this to be especially true for TIFs, but I think a large part of thinking transitioning would save my life was due to a deep misunderstanding of what the trans community actually is.

The media portrayal is dissonant to the reality of how rife with depravity and sex-cultism it actually is. The preconceived idea going in is different than what you're going to see once you step foot into trans spaces..Mostly of course due to the TiM autogynophillic side of the equation, but also due to the high concentration of comorbid mental conditions that are frequently displayed and discussed within these circles.

There is a strong emotional aspect that many young women can connect to, that feeling of "you mean I can escape this?" And not having to face sex based oppression is something that resonated with me, the new unwanted male attention, the standards of what it means to become a woman, the performance we're expected not only to conform to but to enjoy. Seeing your friends who were boys change and become distant to you, like strangers. The change is isolating, jarring, and introduces prospects that children weren't made to comprehend. Add a crazy new mix of hormones and preteen angst into the equation and it's a perfect storm.

Trans ideology is such a dangerous thing to discover and the community will never be a safe place for children. It is harmful and self destructive by nature, it inhibits the path of true personal growth in development and masquerades as exactly what it is destructive towards.

I wish I had never learned about the vague concept of "transness." I believe dysphoria is real, I still experience it -- but it does not mean I am male, I am not trapped in my body, I do not have a male soul. I don't feel like a woman because there's no feeling associated with being your biological sex. You just are, it just is.

What I don't understand is how Dysphoria moved away from being a mental illness when it requires destructive, experimental surgeries, hormones, etc. to just get to the baseline of feeling contented in oneself.

But I understand also from firsthand that it is a beast that is never satisfied, I felt but a moment of peace when I got on testosterone and then all the worries about a mastectomy came into mind, but even if I got that...My body would still be so noticeably female...moving onto the next worry, body masculinization surgery -- is that even a thing? I hoped it was..and phalloplasty, and furthermore...but even then, it stands only as a barely passable approximation of what I wanted for myself. And the cost? Impossible.

The dream of transition is not, on a biological scientific and social scale, enough to satisfy dysphoria

I see my dysphoria now as something that exists parasitically alongside myself, it lives in the same space in my mind as my anorexia did -- both of those two things are something I fear I will never be free from in thought, but I strive everyday to put them away in order to live a healthy life. The difference in my treatment between those two mental illnesses was drastic. One landed me several times inpatient against my will, one was coddled and affirmed by every therapist I've ever had. I do not have to make the discernment of which one that was. They did not give me appetite suppressants for my anorexia, they did not give me weight loss surgery, they did not say that being emaciated and ill was really just who I was always meant to be. But, both impact my quality of life equally. Both have lead me to self destruct, self hate, ruminate on my insecurities and become obsessive over the parts of myself that I really could not change.

I don't know. These are just some thoughts I've been having.

#radical feminist safe #radical feminists do interact #terfblr #trans receipts #radblr #radical feminism #terfs do interact #peak trans #terfsafe #radfem #detrans #radical feminists do touch #terf

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incandescentflower · 3 months

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I want Wandee Goodday to be about mental health.

I've been thinking about Dee mentioning Yak's nightmares and possibly seeking help. I'm not really into Dee trying to force him with an agreement. That kind of stuff doesn't work - mental health treatment is something people choose for themselves. But lots of people take convincing. And we've already seen Dee use leverage to get Yak to take care of himself, so not so surprising that's how they brought it up.

But the conversation finally started to broach what has been missing for me - the story of their mutual losses at young ages and how that can very much impact their fundamental remaining relationships. That kind of loss can be so transformative in how a person relates in significant relationships. It can impact attachment to others, create a pathological fear of loss, increase the level of guilt people carry in their life and even impact their developmental mind set - many people get kind of stuck at certain developmental milestones if they experience trauma at young ages.

(I am saying this as someone who has been trained in cognitive-behavioral trauma therapy as a therapist, but it was quite a while ago and I'm by no means an expert. This is just generalizing. And it definitely doesn't happen to everyone. It just feels like the show might want us to think it is happening for both Dee and Yak.)

The show seems to use these facts about them as short hand for some of their behaviors and choices without doing the work to make it clear and I wish they would delve into them more. I'm worried they are not doing so for drama sake later, but that remains to be seen. It also could be that they are punching above their weight when it comes to their understanding of these issues (yes, pun intended).

This is the first time they are implying that Yak's trauma about his mother's death actually bleeds into other aspects of his life. But that connection is not clearly made. I would have found it interesting if they spent the time to draw a vivid line between Yak's loss of his mother and his fear of loss of Wandee. (as an aside, I would say that would also have helped if they solidified Yak's feelings for Dee earlier so we truly understand the intensity of them. the lack of Yak pov makes it hard to know if his feelings are strong enough to instigate this reaction)

It's also hard to draw this conclusion because Yak is the one who is more willing to react by throwing it away - his fear response seems to be to run. It looks like a "time to get out before I care too much" action with him not acknowledging he already has those feelings. And so then after he breaks it off he feels this intensity of the loss in the form of his jealous feelings about Ter - who is taking Dee away.

He seems to carry a lot of guilt about *something* having to do with his mom's death and equates disappointing Dee with disappointing his mother. But without those details, it leaves us to guess. It isn't clear that Yak is melting down here not just from losing Dee, but over triggering those feelings of loss over his mom again, and possibly the expectation that he will lose everyone.

But that would be the most compelling reason to me.

I think the same actually goes for Dee and his reactions to relationships. We've seen Dee have two trauma flashbacks without any explanation, but it's safe to assume he has his own baggage to deal with. Still, the show is unclear how much it impacts Dee's behavior. Since he has Plakao, a psychiatrist, as his friend it implies that if Dee was truly deeply struggling emotionally, we'd see Kao telling him ad nauseum to go to therapy, not telling him to just take the leap and confess to Yak.

Without Kao saying "Dee, this is more than just indecision"- it seems like the show is saying it isn't a behavior that needs professional help. But if you take it out of the way it is often played for humor, it sure seems like it to me.

If I had a friend who seemed to be struggling so hard with having feelings for someone and had so much fear of those feelings that it was making them a little miserable, and on top of that seemed to not be able to set firm boundaries with someone who had hurt them immensely, so much so that not letting go of that person was more important than how the other person treated them, you bet I'd think they should be talking to someone.

Kao is being played as the voice of reason, but he is very static right now. He's just kinda being the audience stand-in to say GAAAHHH stoppppp. But if I'd had the same conversation with a friend this many times, I'd start to ask - hey, why are you always doing this? why are you always making things complicated?? how is that serving you when you say it isn't?? That is the crux of therapy. Figuring that shit out. It feels like the show wants the character motivation without having to delve into it too seriously.

When Dee says to Yak maybe you should get some help - perhaps he should be putting on the oxygen mask first before he attempts to help anyone else.

And honestly, their mutual trauma being the reason they are having such a fucking hard time working this out would be so, so interesting to me.

I'm just not certain that is what the show wants us to think.

#wandee goodday #wandee goodday meta #I'm still gonna hope this is where they are going and they tighten it up #and not do a hard left into their parents' deaths are related plot #but if I had to bet well...

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queenshelby · 1 year

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Yes! Mr Murphy (Rewritten)

PART 40: BACKFLASH

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Lots of Angst, Age Gap, Teacher x Student, Pregnancy Loss, Infertility

PLEASE COMMENT AND ENGAGE!

Backflash - Cillian's & Kit's Pov

It was the evening before your impending trip to London when Kit arrived at Cillian's apartment. They were going to discuss Cillian's schedule for June and July but, when Kit arrived, he noticed that she seemed distressed and somewhat sad.

Sensing that something was wrong, Cillian decided to see whether Kit was feeling alright first before getting to the nitty gritty of his promotional activities.

He led towards the sofa and gave her a moment to compose herself. Once settled, he took a seat next to her, careful to retain his distance before, finally, he asked her what happened.

"You seem upset. Are you alright?" he queried, his brow furrowed with concern. His compassionate nature made it impossible for him to remain indifferent while observing Kit's obvious struggle.

Her eyes misted over towards him, and she confessed, "To be completely honest, yes, I am fine physically. It's just... my mental state is struggling a bit lately."

She hesitated slightly, gathering courage to share another aspect of her troubled soul with Cillian. And so, she explained further, "Remember my friend, Catherine?"

Cillian nodded in acknowledgment.

"Well, she passed away one year ago today, and... I...don't know. I have just thinking about it a lot lately," Kit stammered while Cillian saw the pain etched upon her features, and without consciously thinking about it, his hand instinctively reached out to hers in a comforting manner.

"I am sorry Kit. It must be hard dealing with that loss," Cillian offered sympathy, understanding the depth of pain she carried.

Kit felt grateful for Cillian's presence, appreciative of his unwavering support during these difficult times as he squeezed her hand.

"Thanks, Cillian," she murmured, brushing her thumb across his knuckle, finding solace in physical contact with him, seeking comfort beyond words and, whilst this situation was somewhat awkward now, Cillian did not think anything about it.

"You know we can discuss work another day and if you don't want to come to London tomorrow, I understand," he offered, his tone light-hearted yet considerate. He understood the gravity of the loss, its effects on one's psyche. He himself had dealt with immense tragedies in his personal life too - those experiences taught him well.

"No, I am going to be fine Cillian. Thank you," Kit reassured him earnestly. "Despite, I really am looking forward to the BAFTAs" she told her boss, hiding her true intentions from him, adding an extra layer of subterfuge to her plan.

"That makes at least one of us then," Cillian chuckled, trying to lighten the mood with humor.

"You really hate publicity events, don't you?" Kit laughed momentarily and, although Cillian knew that her question was rhetoric, he answered it.

"True, indeed!" he smiled while Kit took advantage of this momentary lapse of vigilance to change the subject onto more familiar grounds, knowing full well that this might be her chance.

"Do you remember when we met, at this publicity event in Paris. You were promoting Peaky Blinders and were totally out of depth with the interviewer's questions," Kit recalled while steering the conversation closer to the darker corners of their relationship.

Cillian winced slightly, recalling that interview vividly – he had found himself flustered, unable to find the right answers to some probing questions.

"The questions were pretty inappropriate, to be fair," he countered, his voice laced with faint irony.

"Oh, sure they were! But still, your charm got you through it and it also got you a new admirer, namely Kim McGhee!" Kit grinned playfully, flashing her pearl white teeth in a teasing manner.

"Kim McGhee is one of the interviewers tomorrow and she still has a massive crush on you!" she stated casually. This time, instead of simply replying, Cillian looked up sharply and fixed his intense, blue-colored eyes on Kit.

"And I will try to avoid her at all costs!" Cillian exclaimed half-joking.

"Smart, especially since you are bringing your girlfriend to the event," Kit continued, maintaining eye contact with him. Cillian's face turned serious as he realized where this line of conversation was heading.

"You really don't approve of her, do you?" Cillian observed warily, choosing his words carefully.

"Y/N? Not exactly. She seems lovely but, let's be frank, there's quite a gap in terms of age between you two," Kit responded diplomatically, tactfully pointing out the elephant in the room. She didn't wish to offend Cillian unnecessarily, nor stir up conflicts. Instead, she sought to create cracks within your bond, sowing seeds of doubt.

"Your agency is concerned about your image and your publicity team wonders about why you would you choose to date someone so much younger than you?" she ventured, attempting to undermine Cillian's decision to be with you.

Feeling slight annoyance creep in, Cillian tried his best to defend his choices. "Look, Kit, I appreciate your concerns, but I don't care about what the press has to say about me. I am entitled to be with whomever I want to be and, quite frankly, love isn't measured based on age," Cillian defended his choice passionately, refusing to allow anyone to dictate whom he could fall in love with.

"Yes, but what about your career?" Kit persisted, determined to plant seeds of doubt in Cillian's head. "The agency thinks that you should keep your relationship on the low-down until the end of the year so that the Oppenheimer promotion will not be impacted negatively". She paused briefly, giving Cillian enough space to process her argument before proceeding with greater force. "We shouldn't ignore how people perceive you," she urged persuasively, making certain points with deliberation, keen to influence his perspective.

Cillian grew increasingly frustrated, but couldn't shake the nagging doubts raised by Kit who, firmly, reached for his hands again.

"This is the most important year of your career, Cillian," she pleaded softly, hoping that he would recognize the importance of managing his image. "You owe it to yourself to secure your future," she reasoned calmly, her brown eyes piercing deeply into his own.

"Kit, I...," he began to say but his words were interrupted abruptly as Kit leaned toward him, pressing her lips against his, her fingers clasping his neck tightly. It wasn't entirely planned; neither was it completely spontaneous either. The air between them hung heavy as Cillian was caught by surprise.

Kit's actions were not what he had expected and, quickly, he pulled away from her, leaving no doubt about his stance.

"Kit, stop," he uttered sternly, drawing back from her. Her heart raced wildly, having taken a risk which she hadn't anticipated failing so rapidly.

"What happened between us a few months ago was a mistake and I don't want to repeat that mistake, ever again," Cillian clarified adamantly, setting clear boundaries regarding his unwillingness to get romantically involved with Kit. "Please respect that boundary," he added solemnly, his expression betraying both his resolve and his disappointment.

Stunned by his reaction, Kit stood up reluctantly, her cheeks burning red with embarrassment and humiliation.

"I am sorry. Today was tough and I am feeling overwhelmed," Kit apologized sincerely, recognizing her misstep. "It won't happen again," she reassured him.

"It better not because, if it does, we cannot work together anymore. I hope you understand that," Cillian replied coldly, turning his attention elsewhere to escape any lingering awkwardness.

"I understand and I probably should go. We can talk about your schedule on the plane tomorrow

since I'm traveling with you anyway," Kit suggested, averting her gaze and avoiding direct eye contact with Cillian, feeling the weight of guilt settling heavily upon her shoulders after crossing the boundaries she herself set earlier. With a heavy heart, she bid farewell to her employer, mentor, and long-desired lover, only to leave behind confusion, hurt, and desire imprinted on her once composed facade.

Meanwhile, Cillian sat alone in his living room, replaying the confrontational moments shared with Kit in his mind. He wondered whether allowing her to continue working with him may have been a grave error in judgment and, though he resisted her advances, the strain has mounted now, causing a considerable amount of stress within his usually peaceful life.

Tags:

@sunbeamseas @saint-ackerman @oatmealisweird @naxxsstuff @amanda08319 @r-m-cidnah @elysiannook @cillshot @infireddabdab @tastycakee @harrysbestiee @lilybabe22 @adalynlowell @henrywintersdearestgirl @ietss @thatgirlthatreadswattpad @ryiamarie @axionn

@heidimoreton @nela-cutie @futurecorps3 @delishen @nosebleeds-247 @thirteenis-myluckynumber @gills-lounge @hjmalmed @lost-fantasy @tiredkitten @sidechrisporn @smallsoulunknown @charqing-qing @hopefulinlove @aporiasposts @shycrybaby @me-and-your-husband @hjmalmed @lacontroller1991 @galxydefender @aporiasposts

@galxydefender @hunnibearrr @saint-ackerman @lunyyx @gentlemonsterjennie1 @ihavealotoffandomssorry @nadloves @lost-fantasy @nolucesn@mcavoy-girl @hjmalmed @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @blushykiss @tatumrileyslover @teawithsatanx @orijanko @rhaenyra4ever @xcinnamonmalfoyx @budugu @nadloves @kmc1989 @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @forgottenpeakywriter

#cillian murphy #cillian murphy smut #cillian murphy x reader #cillian murphy imagine #cillian murphy x y/n #cillian murphy x you

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fairytalk · 1 year

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Team Natsu

Natsu dragneel-The team leader and optimistic character of the group. Fire user

good qualities- Natsu Always tries to defend his family when he believes something is unjustified. And often times is there to be the uplifting presence when the people around him loose hope. His admirable trait is that his strength stems from his loyalty to his family and friends.

bad qualities-He goes into situations recklessly without thinking them through first. He is hare-brained about his emotional feelings towards the people he has become closest to and refuses to acknowledge that he may have caused distress. He breaks personal boundaries with his teammate Lucy heartfilia by breaking into her house and touching her body inappropriately without her permission. He has little mental character growth from what we have seen of him from the beginning of the series.

Happy- charismatic counterpart to Natsu and the group. Exceed

good qualities- He is thoughtful and makes good decision a decent amount of the time. He’s aesthetically pleasing to look at. bad qualities- lets be honest he’s a talking flying cat so the most bad he has done is stole some fish or break into lucys apartment with Natsu. besides that I almost didn’t want to add him because he is nearly irrelevant to the development of the series and mostly there as a companion to Natsu.

Erza scarlet-The mother figure / strong physical character of the group. Requip mage

Good qualities- Erza can be a really wise character when talking about her experiences, weather it be with friends or even enemies. She is able to quickly recognize what her next plan of action is. She is open about her feelings on matters during tense situations. She’s always there to offer comfort or advice.

bad qualities- To confident in the power of friendship always pulling through. When she apologizes it’s either too genuine or not genuine enough. I.e when Miliana was upset with her for forgiving Jellal so easily, she didn’t really take any of that to heart and has had a hard time showing her authentic understanding that she did something wrong that has effected her relationship with both people. This sort of happens again during the avatar arc when she offers Gray the position to go undercover in a cult. She tells him not to tell juvia, not thinking that it would screw up her state of emotions. It indeed did and when it was all over she apologized in a half insensitive tone as if she wasn’t all that guilty and would do it again if given the chance. She forgave Jellal to quickly because even though he was mind controlled by Ultear, it doesn’t change all the horrible things he has done to her and her friends. Some character growth but she has blatant issues that are not resolved.

Lucy heartfilia - The book smart / persistent main character of the group. Celestial mage

good qualities- Relatively known for being friendly and forgiving. She doesn’t back down in extensive situations even when her life is on the line. She cares a lot for her celestial spirits and if you come to her with an issue, she is open to talk about it. She’s useful in problem solving even if it falls through a little bit the first time, she masters it pretty quickly afterwards. She’s got extensive knowledge in literature and calligraphy. Power wise she has grown immensely, mentally, she is a wip but she definitely isn’t the same person from the beginning of the series. bad qualities-Thinks to little of her abilities as a mage but then contradicts herself by flaunting her powers to her enemy. Is a bit like erza in that she is ignorant to feelings sometimes i.e she was upset that natsu had left her behind with just a note, but she mostly thought about her losses and didn’t take into account that he had also lost his dad. In turn his runaway quest caused her to isolate herself from the rest of the guild. Keeping track of them only through letters, which she eventually stopped sending because everyone was doing different things. But her insecurities because of the note must of kept her from joining the rest, otherwise she wouldn’t be in a lonesome grieving state. Not that what Natsu did was right but she was definitely blaming him for all of there shared issues. Not to mention when she saw Juvia in a similar depression state she didn’t reflect on it as being similar to her own. When in reality they were both left behind in a different context but shared the same grief. I didn’t appreciate that Lucy didn’t defend Juvia during this time. It was brought back to just her and her friendship with Gray (she slapped him but it wasn’t for juvia.) She never mentioned Juvia at all In that situation even after she had seen the state she was in and knew Juvia had been sick because of it. Why couldn’t she have told him off just like natsu?. Infact she got all blushy when he apologized, it felt selfish. (Further proving that Mashimas statement about writing female characters bad was certainly true. It should also imply male characters as well.)

Wendy marvel - The young healing mage/ younger sister of the group. Air user

Good qualities- Wendy is really useful in dire situations and easily makes amends with a few of her past enemies. She is empathetic and has gained quite a bit of character growth unlike many of the other characters in fairy tail. Once she was timid and felt not useful but now she has some confidence from her experience in battle. She still has a little bit of doubts but she gets back her confidence with a little help from her friends.

bad qualities-She doesn’t really have bad qualities. But in a future post I will talk about her being a child and Mashima really being incredibly gross about it. (Yes she’s over 500 years old but he presents her still as if she is much much younger.)

Carla- The attentive counterpart to Wendy.Exceed

good qualities- she takes up for Wendy that’s it that’s the good qualities.

bad qualities-Grumpy and rude for what. Actually I get it a little bit. But she’s right in that category next to happy.

Gray fullbuster - The quick learning visual expressionist of the group. Ice make mage.

good qualities- Has strong relationships with a lot of people I.e Lyon, Erza, plus team natsu. Reliable, if you ask him to do something, he will try his hardest to get it done. Stays ‘cool’ in most situations. I need help with filling out the rest of his good traits, he’s got to have more*** help.

bad qualities-Back to being reliable, it’s a half and half trait being one of his best qualities and one of his worst. You see when he gets to being obsessed with something he will not stop going after it. It started with Deliora or however tf you spell his name, Gray wanted to be great (Gray-t) enough to surpass him for killing his family and also to surpass Ur his former master. Ok so spoiler alert Deliora is dead and melts away along with the iced shell of UR. Gray’s upset and Deliora still continues to haunt his mind until recently where he is forgotten and is comforted by Ur in an illusion state and his father acting as Deliora to get over his fear. This obsession with something new is created when Silver(his father) tells him to go after the book of E.n.d . Turns out Grays thirst for vengeance never went away, and so with his new devil slaying powers from Silver Gray starts obsessing over finding this book that produced Deliora. Of course Gray becomes a bit of a douche bag in this process, he tries to kill Natsu because he finds out his best friend is attached to the book that caused all his suffering that Natsu knew diddle about. He fiddles with Juvia saying he’ll treat her better or that he’ll give her an answer and runs off to try to get better but really is just holding off on his answer. Much like Natsu he was written with musty traits like, sexually harassing Lucy by asking her for her underwear or commenting on her outfits or her underwear. Stalking Lucy to her home, breaking into her house in an undressed state, trying to spy on women in the hot spring, groping an alchemy of Juvia without consent, putting Juvia in his mouth in her state of undress, this list is unnecessarily long. Next to zero character growth because he hasn’t changed any of his behavior. Please get them all therapy especially Gray.

#fairy tail #ft100yq #team natsu #natsu dragneel #lucy heartfilia #gray fullbuster #erza scarlet #wendy marvell #jellal fernandes #juvia lockser #rambles

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idontbelievethehype · 3 months

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It will surprise no one to know that I am still fixated on Snap Back. Tyler started this band in a bad place. He's been pretty open about that. It's been through so many seasons of his life, but the lore, the story, the content, the imagery that propelled them to where they are comes directly from that bad place. I can't imagine how much of a struggle it must be to know that the parts of you that you worked so hard to control and eliminate for the sake of yourself and your family are directly tied to your success.

He "created this world to feel some control" and he will "destroy it" if he wants to. That always felt like a defiant tone to his own success and a warning to his fans. Almost as if to say I know that you're connected to this. I know that you feel ownership over it. But don't forget that it is still mine and I will kill it when I feel like it. Personally, I love that for him, and for us. I think that it's incredibly important for the creator to continue to hold jurisdiction over their own creation. Similarly, as a listener and consumer, we need to understand the limits of our influence.

It makes me think of Tyler's discomfort with the concept of "saving" fans. Something I completely understand. It's a level of responsibility that he did not ask for. Of course, most of us feel in some way saved by their music. Whether its feeling like you aren't alone, finding a community, or using the music as a jumping off point for your own creativity, it's been life altering for millions of people. That being said, the concept of saving someone with your art alludes to a failure in saving those who consumed that art and didn't make it. Or feeling as though you owe something to fans when you are simply not in the headspace to apply that care to others. It erodes an unspoken but important boundary. He is nowhere near the first person to express said discomfort and he wont be the last.

Imagine yourself, likely someone with your own mental health battles, putting in work to make it manageable. You have a family, friends, a beautiful home, financial security, but it isn't just better now. It's tamped down. It comes back sometimes in varying degrees of intensity. It's a daily rollercoaster, but it's still on the tracks. Through all of this, though, you know that you need to constantly revisit your crazy. It's literally your job. It you want to snap necks, you need to snap back.

Obviously, Tyler can be talking about anything. That's the beauty of art - you don't need to explain it. Every consumer has their own pocket projector that casts the light of their own experiences over the art that you created. Maybe to them it's about addiction, or loss, or depression, or mania. With each of those projections comes a small narrative that you didn't necessarily agree to and you arent even aware of as the artist. I'm constructing one right now. We all do it.

I constantly view Snap Back as a temporary surrender. He's aware of the messes he's created, the toxicity, the anxiety of following through with it, but in order to feed his pathological need to create, he needs to let go and be that guy again. Maybe he isnt depressed enough to step into traffic right now, maybe he isn't straight up mad at God, but he has enough in the tank to revisit those feelings. "It's a new adaptation."

#knock knock its me again with the long posts of nonsense #snap back #twenty øne piløts #tyler joseph

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sukifoof · 1 year

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I was thinking about Asriel as the Royal Scientist, and I remember in one post you said in the tags, how you considered drawing him as one for your Asriel survives AU, before saying you can't imagine him holding down any job without freaking out

Now, I'm not asking you to draw him anyway, I'll be fine either way. It is just important context cuz that's what gave me my personal thoughts right now about him, and I wanted to spread them because I think they're optimistic in the end, if cliché and generic (warning, I'm really bad at sympathizing with other people, so I might be just, completely wrong about what I say next)

I have little doubt Asriel would be very lost at first about what he is going to do with his life now that The Barrier is gone. Typical confusion after exiting a time loop, compounded by the years of untouched trauma and other mental health issues. Maybe spiralling further as he may consider himself a burden for all those problems he can't handle on his own

He would try resuming being The Prince, go back to what he thinks people want of him, but it's not going to work, he distrusts himself too much after everything he has done. When he inevitably fails, he hits a new low. But eventually, perhaps with Frisk's encouragement, he finds it in himself to open up about it, talk to other people, seek help

Alphys, who in a very real sense is his creator (slightly more metaphorical in this AU, but she's still the one who woke him up from his coma), and one of the few people who know how he works, might be one of the first people that Asriel speaks to about his problems, feeling that she'd understand. They talk to each other about the regrets that they have, bonding over similar troubles, and maybe shared interests (bonding as friends. Alphys is faithful to her wife, and Asriel is on the aspec, so it doesn't go further)

At some point one of them might just naturally suggest that Asriel help out around the lab, and while he's helping, and they're talking with each other, Alphys realizes just how much knowledge about all sorts of things Asriel has, and one day she offers that he become a full-time assistant at her lab. This freaks him out, and in the moment he rejects it and runs away, which both of them later despair over, in a sense of "oh god I was to hard on him/her, now I destroyed our friendship, I'm the worst, I can't do anything right"

But eventually they talk to each other about it (encouraged by their friends) and they realize that neither is harboring any resentment towards the other, and they make amends. Asriel starts out working with her part-time, and while it's initially very scary for him, and he probably has several other freakouts along the way, I think Alphys, being prone to freakouts herself, would be more than understanding. Eventually he becomes her full-time assistant after all

Hopefully combined with therapy which he really, really should receive, he eventually starts feeling good about himself again, even if it takes years to get there. And he realizes, yes, this is the job he wants to do. He can help people without actually having to be there, with a much more manageable amount of responsibility to handle. He's finally happy, as the Assistant Royal* Scientist (* although at this point it is possible that Asgore and Toriel would abdicate, seeing as their son won't take over from them, it might just be easier to end the monarchist government right then and there)

Of course, while Asriel is immortal, Alphys is not, and as the decades pass, she will get older, weaker, less able to do her job. The day when she resigns from her post to let the (physically) younger Asriel become the next Royal Scientist will be a difficult one for both of them, and even more so when she finally turns to dust, although I hope that by this point he would be better equipped to handle the loss of those close to him. It will still hurt, but I hope with new experiences and skills he's learned over the years, he'll be able to deal with that pain, or the pain when his parents or his other friends die, better than he did with the pain of Chara's death

Frankly, not being seen as royalty anymore, especially by the younger generations who won't remember monarchist rule, he might find life easier as he's no longer so isolated as he was as a prince, no longer has to reach the same standards as before

The trauma, and other pain that follows, they will never fully leave him, but he's got a quite literal eternity to learn how to live with them and not let them control his life. And if mortals can do it, then I think he too can, over the course of several years, or even decades, figure it out. I think, as fucked up as he is, at the end of this nightmare road there is happiness waiting for him, however long it takes him to get there. I just want him to be happy goddammit. And I think that a 30-or-40-something Asriel will be happy

Thanks you for listening to my TED talk, and have a magical day

HI IVE BEEN MEANING TO ANSWER THIS FOR SO LONG CUZ ITS SO GOOD AND IN CHARACTER!!! u are so right for this i LOVE this i dont have much to add on cuz ur points are all so good. asriel has so many issues and i think he would probably feel a Bit Better if he was able to put his knowledge to use to help people and it might help him come to terms with death a little better..... anyway they are siblings and they occasionally bother each other. extremely kind mayor who took over after papyrus and local freak scientist who is seemingly some kind of sludge <3 i may draw more of this when i get the chance cuz the idea of these middle aged freaks is so funny to me i love them dearly

#undertale #utdr #asriel #asriel dreemurr #flowey #frisk #livingprinceau #utdr analysis

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kerubimcrepin · 7 months

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Episode 43 - The Dream Mixer

Instead of opening windows, these guys open the front door.

Man, I sure hope this leads to nothing bad happening during the Wakfu OVA.

Joris has multiple of the same card. Probably not worth reading into, and just a way to not have to do too much work for some intern. I wonder what he was playing, though...

I do want to read into this, though, this doesn't really look like a playing card we've seen before in the series, — instead, looking more like tarot, especially with the way, in the second screenshot, it seems to have some writings on the top and the bottom, — its number and its name?

I want to preface this next section by saying it is very likely not the intention, for this to be Deep, or anything. It's just some cards that look the same. Unlike most times when I am reading into things with at least a bit of a solid proof that things are meant to be read into, here I am reading into things just for the fun of it:

This personally looks to me the most like The Tower tarot, and basically, here's what the internet has to say on the matter:

When The Tower card appears in a Tarot reading, expect the unexpected – massive change, upheaval, destruction and chaos. It may be a divorce, death of a loved one, financial failure, health problems, natural disaster, job loss or any event that shakes you to your core, affecting you spiritually, mentally and physically. There’s no escaping it. Change is here to tear things up, create chaos and destroy everything in its path (but trust me, it’s for your Highest Good). Just when you think you’re safe and comfortable, a Tower moment hits and throws you for a loop. A lightning bolt of clarity and insight cuts through the lies and illusions you have been telling yourself, and now the truth comes to light. Your world may come crashing down before you, in ways you could never have imagined as you realize that you have been building your life on unstable foundations – false assumptions, mistruths, illusions, blatant lies, and so on. Everything you thought to be true has turned on its head. You are now questioning what is real and what is not; what you can rely upon and what you cannot trust. This can be very confusing and disorienting, especially when your core belief systems are challenged. But over time, you will come to see that your original beliefs were built on a false understanding, and your new belief systems are more representative of reality. [...] After a Tower experience, you will grow stronger, wiser and more resilient as you develop a new perspective on life you did not even know existed. These moments are necessary for your spiritual growth and enlightenment, and truth and honesty will bring about a positive change, even if you experience pain and anxiety throughout the process.

Jesus fucking Christ. even while I'm spitballing, the things I am saying still make some amount of sense. Anyway, even though it is an accidental visual, I sure hope Joris being surrounded by The Tower looking ass cards isn't like, an omen of doom to come in like two years.

Haha.

This line is pretty interesting when you remember that one of Kerubim's whole insecurities was being too poor for her, but what follows is more interesting: in his dream, there is always an audience, made up of other Ecaflips.

Watching from the same fourth wall we do.

We had already discussed on this blog that Kerubim has always viewed his life as a performance to some invisible audience, due to his extremely low self-esteem: a performance of being a hero, a masculine man, a successful rich person, and more, — but now we can really confirm this, and see it for ourselves, instead of just making assumptions based on his behaviour.

I do wonder if the audience being ecaflips is just asset reusage, — or if it is him feeling especially judged by his own race?

Perhaps it is the need to live up to its standards. Or maybe, it is a memory of his isolation in the childhood, and the way everyone always watched him and laughed at his class clown antics, and how despite that, he didn't have any friends.

This episode is the other reason, — besides his reactions whenever she kisses his cheek, — why I think Kerubim has a bit of a crush on Simone. (One that he'll never act on or acknowledge, obviously. He's not Like That anymore.)

But he used to be like that. Just unabashedly and openly cheating on Lou.

This imaginary audience laughs at his jokes, laughs at his accidents, and laughs even at his most awful flirting.

Yes, he really was always playing an exaggerated version of himself, and imagining the world laughing at him, as if he were in a sitcom. That's... actually very sad.

Not even cheering him on? Just laughing?

Considering what I had already previously said about Joris, and just how anxious he is portrayed as being, — especially of something happening to Kerubim, — it's interesting that his whole dream is an endless race to prevent some catastrophe that is never explained, but one he is convinced will happen.

Yes, it is just a fun dream that's him being a hero, but there is something to be said about the cyclical, triumphless nature of it.

This entire shore is covered in items from the store, and might be either Kerubim's addition to the shared dreamscape, or a representation of the shared experiences of the three dreamers.

The storm reflects the fact that none of them can find what they're seeking, and the growing anxiety that comes with it.

Despite him flirting with other women, Lou's scorn, Lou's accusation that he'll never be good enough because he can't become a good person, is a big fear for him.

I think that Lou is both a memory, and a representation of Kerubim's thoughts on the way he used to be, — or at least that is the image that the positioning of old Kerubim behind Lou invokes in me.

He hates himself, or at least who he used to be. These words are both something he thinks about himself, and something he thinks Lou would say.

Keke... Can you find this sadidette again, and check her sources?

Because all the sites I check say lily represents growth of beautiful from bad conditions, and also reincarnation. Which totally doesn't remind me of another weird fucking green-white thing in this show.

I want to know more about its sex symbolism instead, cat man!

Anyway, French-speaking readers, — I implore your help in the next post I make: this episode has some reversed audio, during the reversed boat scene, and I'll post it for you to analyse. I had wondered what it said for ages.

This line suggests that consciousness is fluid within the dream, — which answers the question of "which Kerubim is real and which one is a dream construct" that I've had with a very likely "both are real, and represent his different qualities of his character."

This also suggests, that my assumption, that the dream Joris is having is based on his high levels of anxiety he has, is probably correct, — and seemingly affecting Simone's and Kerubim's mental states too.

Joris seems so much like his adult self in this scene, — or so it seems to me. Very pretty.

Also pretty poetic, considering most of his actions as an adult are still fueled by the desire to be Awesome, and his definition of Awesome hasn't changed since he was 7.

THE best flash frames of the whole series.

Screenshots alone don't do this scene justice, so here it is.

There is a lot to unpack here. This is the closest we get to insight into Kerubim's real feelings in the current time, instead of his memories of the past, bad or good.

The thing he loves the most about her is her hair. Which brings to mind the happiest time of young Kerubim's life and their relationship, after he left kitty psych ward.

The line of "I will never have the time to caress them all" can have many different meanings. But the most glaring one to me, is...

She will die before him, and he had, likely, always known that. It was something he could ignore when they were young, but as an old man, who knows what will happen after he dies (not true death, that's for sure, he is not like her), and as someone who has likely seen other people his age die, — the possibility that she might not even be alive due to how many years had passed, is haunting.

And the possibility that he wasted all these years he could have spent with her, the possibility that he might be wasting them even now, if she is alive, is just as bad.

And the saddest thing is that he can't even see the old woman she became. He can only remember her as she was back then.

Would he even recognize her on the street?

This scene begins with the same sad melody as the scene of him missing Lou, but descends into discordant horrific sounds, despite how... comedic it seems. The same way Kerubim's other stupid antics are.

Because consciousness is fluid in this dream, and because Simone was playing the role of Kerubim's audience, — I think Simone and Kerubim are both mad here, with Kerubim's feelings influencing Simone's words, the same way Joris's influenced her in the previous scenes.

Joris doesn't look very happy about this dream anymore. Yet another proof for my hypothesis of this being an anxiety dream, even if by the time he wakes up, he thinks it's a cool one.

Remember what I said during episodes 33 (Noffoub's Fountain) and 35 (the gobbal set) about Joris's anxiety and dislike of change?

Being forced to go to bed is anxiety inducing for Joris, — he knows that it just means that the adults want him out of the way, that they don't want to spend time with him, — and he hates it when the routine changes, because it makes everything unpredictable, with is horrible to his little single-child-with-an-elderly-parent-who-keeps-saying-he'll-die-soon brain.

Haha. Yeah... Anyway.

Like in english, the french word rêve might mean both the dreams one sees at night, and one's hopes and aspirations.

...I don't think he is talking about the first kind here.

#ep43 #ro liveblogs dofus #dofus #wakfu #krosmoz #kerubim crepin #joris jurgen

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