#I just wish my brain was just better at braining in general | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tiddie-taylor · 7 months

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I wish my brain was better at learning and understanding things

#I just wish my brain was just better at braining in general #but it just can't and it makes me feel stupid and hopeless :(#why does it have to be so hard #eh whatever it is what it is I guess #txt

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rolandapostatize · 2 months

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cannot get over how theodore 7th time loop is written actually. 13 year old's suicidal tendencies resolved by having polite conversation with the person he loves most and whom he was doing all that for, and who has never before in his life clearly communicated with him at all, and who due to his own emotional immaturity decided that the best way to protect his desperate younger brother is to never talk to him and act as terrifying as possible around him. one unwell child eliminating another unwell child's problems, that he was contributing to, in a single conversation

like i cant get over how quickly the conflict was introduced and resolved.

#v*ncent n*ghtray is crying in my brain as i write this #not to say that that was his exact situation he just lives in my brain so that subplot reminded me of him #i just wish 7th time loop was more fucked up and better written. like arnold is gonna commit patricide in a few years #youd think thered be some atmospheric tension regarding the complete absence of his father in the plot (when we know hes right there in the #same palace)#im just imagining a version of it thats more fucked up and better written and also with less generic alternate-europe worldbuilding #generally when i fing myself wishing a story was more fucked up i do stop to consider that maybe thats my fault and im expecting it to be #something it isnt. and that fair on its own #however the writing IS bad - disregarding my own preferences #and i suppose its just that when im thinking of how it could be better my preferences affect my ideas #however if i WAS well written - just not to my tastes - my brain would not be complaining about it #also the economics in this show are so nothing. like again no effort put in. i struggle with understanding money related concepts #all the time but even i can see that

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front-facing-pokemon · 9 months

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#WOOOOAAHHH THEY'RE TRANSPARENT!! I THOUGHT REGIICE WAS BLUE BUT LIKE #i guess it makes sense that they're actually transparent! 'cuz! they're made of ice! i kinda wish they were blue here since that's like #more iconic and i feel like they'd be more recognizable if they were transparent but i guess this ALSO looks cool #and no‚ the stuff in there is not‚ like. its brain or whatever. it's just FULLY transparent and you can see through to my desktop wallpaper #and that's what's showing through its head. which is like cool but i'm worried makes this guy a little bit less visually distinct #actually yeah it kinda does LEMME redo this one but with a blank background and see if it looks any better #yyyeeeeaaahh okay this helps a bit. more visual clarity. i'll replace it with the one where you Can't see my desktop wallpaper #i might leave that version under the cut actually. but i'd have to add some text to the post which i generally don't like doing. just to #explain what it is. cuz not everyone is gonna read these tags #i'll just. leave it the way it is. in two weeks i'll just hope i remember what wallpaper i had applied when i took the original image #cuz i have it set to change every night through a set list of images that i update whenever i find a new image i like that's roughly #the resolution of my monitor. i dunno if anyone else does this #most irrelevant tags ever #regice #thanks for the catch on the spelling nidoskull

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desperatepleasures · 5 months

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ok bedroom is unfucked enough to be liveable so imma call that a W and quit while I'm ahead-ish

#gonna take a shower soon then make dinner then see about the other shit on my to do list if i have the energy #gods there's so much in my life in general to unfuck. but it's ok I'm not in imminent danger and nor are my pets #like it's frustrating that i don't have a functioning brain or body but also it's literally Fine #my cat is on my lap and purring #i have a less-disastrous room (even if there's a mystery tack somewhere on the floor)#(but i took a tack from something smaller so i was able to finally hang up that stupid map)#i love my room so much and i love my life i just wish i could function better #no id

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opens-up-4-nobody · 5 months

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#my therapist teaching me a mindfulness technique: so what do u think?#me: this is like how vulcans deal with their emotions. they recognize them and set them side. acknowledge and accept #also i need to send these thoughts away on icebergs in the ocean instead of on clouds in the sky #its the exact opposite of what u were saying but i think abt the terror so god damn much its infected me down to the bone #literally anything she tells me i gotta b like: how can i either relate this to media or fold this into a metaphor?#bc i guess thats just how my brain works idk.#ugh. saw the psychologist and psychiatrist today and now theyre perscribing me ab1lify #hope it works. i dont have the perspiration in hands yet. i wish my brain would just b Normal #but i feel generally better than i did last week already #they think im sensitive to medication. either my body or my mind. ie. i freak myself out and my body reacts #so i convince myself im having a reaction. they haven't said that but im sure theyre thinking it bc im also thinking it lol #cant pin me down. my mind is too slippery #things i did not think would happen to me: a bip0lar diagnosis and prescription for anti psychotics #unrelated

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thecherrygod · 3 months

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#my posts #you know how this usually goes #i make an amount of tags so that if you read this its bc you've clicked and its not bc i am just posting it like whatever lmao #... unsure if i should even post it tho but what else do i do just leave it in my brain? idk maybe its the same maybe its better #maybe its worse? .... why have i been feeling kind of like this and at this kind of intensity for like about 2 weeks or more #2 weeks is how long ive been properly aware so i think its more but like. man.#like maybe its been like a month and i just havent been keeping track of time bc january is way too long to even try lmao #. but. idk. i just wish i could be kinda.. stable. like i cant feel good lmao #like it truly doesn't matter nothing is good enough in general #what i do isnt good enough #what goes on around me doesnt help trying to ignore the constant.. dread?#and like all things considered i should be doing good currently #or at least not this bad #but here i am constantly trying to not let myself feel too bad until im alone bc man.#so... yeah it just doesnt feel like anything is truly worth it not me as a person nor the things i do nor the things i experience lmao #also lately ive been just feeling more..... disconnected to others... like i dont understand them and they dont understand me #but like.. more than usual #and i guess its me? that it's kind of a me problem #idk I'm just tired. i need to sleep. i want to let face down on some sort of big water body or do something that will make my life worse #or they i will regret lmao #i. wont do any of those #also when i mean face down in some sort of bldy of water or whatever i dont necessarily mean like die #not against it but its not the only option #just lay there and float..... also not against it #i just want something that i cant have i guess bc im not sure what it is #like i just know what i want is to not constantly feel like this but idk how lmao #... u would sleep if i can bc man also I'm so tired #.... adding tags its a bit worse than I assumed lmao im also thinking about wether i deserve stuff or not lmao #like it got windy and cooler and i was like 'a blanket by my legs would be nice' only to be like 'no you don't deserve that ' like ah yeah #its kinda worse than i thought lmao

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kittyandco · 9 months

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i've been replaying kh 3 (despite not having finished it because when it released life just threw 1239893849 things at me and the horrors haven't ceased) and i'm in arendelle. almost halfway through. i want to play it. but out of spite i don't want to finish it. but i also want to fight my husband

(rambling in tags)

#i can't be too mad tho because kh means everything to me and i'm just so happy arendelle was even included at all ;w; my 2 favorite things #my personal qualms aside it could have objectively been better; it rehashes frozen too much EVEN FOR ME #i LOVEEEE sköll tho. even tho that's all we get for hans (he's a non-presence and i WISH i knew why) i LOVE HIM HE'S REALLY COOL AND EPIC #but i'm seriously disheartened by disney's deliberate attempts to act like he never existed. it was funny @ first but now i'm just sad 😭#idc if y'all think he's lame i think some other popular disney charas are lame LMAO and i could go off abt it but i won't #the music is immaculate in that world tho of course. esp in that battle + the labyrinth #i also miss the days where disney was more of a presence in kh in general; esp the villains; and the 2 were more integrated #i've been rotating sköll in my brain because i'm cooking up an AU 😋#meows

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dan-crimes · 10 months

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I love writers I love when they ramble on abt characters and their motivations, their core values and the reasons why they react to things in certain ways and having character interactions work off of each other due to their differing ways of viewing the world and in general I just love character analysis

#as someone who loves humans and human behaviours and figuring out why people react to things the ways that they do #uhhh I'm actually surprisingly really bad @ writing characters with those same traits 😅#unless it is smth I can connect to on some sort of level like a few of my characters have issues that I specifically relate to #thereforee I can understand the ways they act in certain circumstances #BUT when it comes to characters that are like almost entirely outside of my wavelength it's pretty hard for me to understand how they work #and it's pretty basic habits and behaviours I just fuckin lack them in general #like the concept of clinginess or abandoment issues or wanting to stay around people who treat you badly or jealousy or missing people #also love like I understand my type of love but my type of love isn't typical from what I've seen from others #even some of my own past issues like dealing with trauma have kinda been lost on me especially bcuz I'm the type to ignore stuff #like I just ignored it til it came back to bite me in the ass and had to just kinda struggle with it and go completely numb #until I got tired of feeling that way and pulled myself outta it step by step and my various negative ways of thinking elude me #since I just gradually built myself up and rearranged my brain so that all negative thinking eventually turns into dust #whether be positive or purely neutral until I'm able to handle it better #REGARDLESS I try to get a sense of what these other traits are like and how exactly they work for people but it is VERY difficult for me #bcuz the stuff is just such an alien emotion to me like people get REALLY emotional about things that simply aren't a problem for me #and I wish I could understand why and what goes on in the brain that causes that but my brain just doesn't work that way #SOOO me trying to make characters of typical issues I see people having DOESN'T really work when I have no idea what's going on #like IN GENERAL my characters need to have more emotion behind them but the emotions I need them to have are #like I said before. something I totally lack ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ so I have no idea how to do it #I mean I think I need like a check list I need to make a list of traits my characters have in general cuz I never write anything down #it'd be easier to figure it out if I had words to go along with it and then I could figure out the behaviours behind those words #plus I need to draw my characters cuz I'm very much a visual person I can't get as good of a feel without some visuals along with it

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boygirlctommy · 6 months

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i made 2 new ocs and i love them but one of them is going to die and im upset about it

#my post #local man attempts to write a tragedy for the first time. wish him luck #its about a person whos disconnected from others and just. generally apathetic. survives and keeps to themself and thats about it #and then they meet another person. and they choose to let themself get attached. and its wonderful and exciting and fulfilling in a way thi #person hasnt felt in years. but like i said.. the other person is going to die.#and the person blocks it off turns it off pushes it down at first. but that just leaves a sinking feeling in the persons stomach every time #they look at the other. so they choose to feel it. they choose to feel the grief and the love at least until its time for them to part #and when they do. the person only considers pushing it down again. i mean its reflex at this point. but they let themself feel it and they #let themself cry and they let themself breakdown #and like. even though it hurts it hurts so much.. its better than not feeling it. and just the years of all of it of all the not feeling #comes out. and they head back home alone again #but this time. they think they might get themself a pet. and maybe theyll even talk to people when they go into town #the end #augh #i have no idea why my brain decided i was gonna make this. i dont know where the hell this came from #just went 'oo i want an oc whos learning how to care for others again' and oops! dead people!

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frecklystars · 5 months

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Hi frecklydork!! I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you- I just got out of a convo w/ a therapist where I realized I was in a really bad relationship and she mentioned I was displaying PTSD like symptoms. I just wanted you to know that theres someone out there who's super super super DUPER proud of you and all the work you've put into managing your PTSD- Feeling constant overwhelming anxiety helped me understand a little of what you must be going through, I can't imagine how stressful your day to day life is and I'm feeling overwhelmed rn! I hope you can take some comfort in this

Goodnight! Or Good day, or good morning whenever you get this!

Hi sweetheart. I'm so sorry to hear that you have gone through a relationship so devastating that it left this much of an impact on you. My heart goes out to you, it's not fun, to say the least, it is a really horrible time and it's especially difficult (in my opinion) when it's repetitive actions from someone you trusted... it's like an extra layer of betrayal on top of everything else. I'm so sorry. I know how badly that hurts.

My response is kind of long so I'm gonna put it under a readmore for ya:

I am so touched that you thought of me, and even more touched that you took the time out of your day to tell me that you thought of me. I hope you don't mind it took me a few days to finally crack open my inbox. I reread this a few times because it really warmed my heart. Thank you for being proud of me. I'm so proud of you, too. I'm so happy you've (I'm assuming, hoping, praying) gotten out of the relationship, or in the very least I'm reassured that you've realized how unhealthy the relationship was for you and you can take the steps to overcome and heal from it now. It's SO HARD getting out of relationships, but nobody else can do it for you, it's always you who has to take those steps, and I'm so proud of you for pushing yourself to take those steps!!!! I know it isn't easy!!!!! I think one of the loneliest feelings in the world is knowing that you're in an unhealthy friendship/relationship with someone and you can literally feel this person draining your energy and making you feel hopeless and worthless and numb. I have never felt more empty than when I was trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship/friendship. It's awful. Getting out of that kind of situation is so difficult, so I am so damn proud of you for recognizing that you deserve better!!! Because you do!!! You deserve the whole world and I'm sorry somebody didn't give you the respect you deserved. It's not your fault. Nothing you went through is your fault at all, and I'll say that as many times as you want to hear it.

I completely hear you on the stress side of things -- thank you for empathizing with me. My God, isn't it the fucking worst? The constant stress?? I PROMISE YOU IT GETS BETTER, I PROMISE I PROMISE I PROMISE!!!!!!!!!! I am finally at a point where my anxiety is not killing me 24/7. It took a hot fuckin minute to get here, but I am at a point now where my anxiety will only eat at me for a chunk of my day instead of my whole day. Getting into the Barbie movie literally saved my life. But, like... it's literally a stress disorder, an anxiety disorder. That feeling of it literally EATING at you every single second that you're awake, and even giving you nightmares when you're asleep -- jesus!!! it's so much!!! it's!!! A LOT and it's intense and it's like you never get any peace. BUT I PROMISE IT GETS BETTER!!!!! 😭😭💙💙💙 IT GETS BETTER ANON I SWEAR TO YOU. I AM HOLDING YOUR HAND THROUGH THIS WHOLE THING!!!!!

One day you will wake up and the person who traumatized you, the events that traumatized you, will NOT be the very first thing popping into your head. One day you'll be able to sit down and eat a sandwich and think to yourself "oh I just went 20 whole seconds without thinking about it". One day you'll be tying your shoe and thinking "oh I think i just went five whole minutes without thinking about it!" slowly, gradually, you will have healed so much, you will look back and think "oh. I'm... so much better than I was."

I actually had this revelation a few weeks ago, I sat down making comics, and then I thought to myself... "...oh... I don't think I thought about my abuser... at all... when a trigger was right in front of my face... for a solid two minutes." I saw a gifset where Margot Robbie was wearing an article of clothing that normally triggers me into a panic attack, but I just kept looking at Margot and thinking "hehehe that's my Barbie!!! <3" and then i realized the trigger was right in front of my face but I was so focused on being gay asf I didn't even realize the trigger was there. And then when I noticed it, my body was like "oh. time to panic" but I managed to push away those feelings and say "nope. nope. that's Barbie. and Barbie is safe. and everything is ok!!!" And two minutes of handling a certain trigger may not seem like a long time, at first... but when you're constantly overwhelmed every single second of every single day... two minutes looks like a blessing. and one day you won't even have to count the minutes anymore. you'll just exist and the misery will only be momentary.

But aside from triggers, now, just in general, I am at a point where I can go hours without remembering my abuser or the events that gave me literally DOZENS of triggers in the first place. Flashbacks are rare, when they used to be constant. I'm not as jittery as I used to be, I'm not as... uh, feeling like I'm going out of my mind, I don't know how else to phrase it, but the anxiety that ptsd gives you literally makes you feel like you're losing your sense of self, and I promise you that feeling goes away with time. I promise you it gets better. I didn't have a support system during my time of need, so my healing process is taking much longer than it would have, so I am hopeful that your healing process is actually going much speedier than mine, even if our circumstances may not be exactly the same ofc but just hearing that you have a therapist helping you out with this is absolutely wonderful. Therapy is so important, paired with self care.

I'm so proud of you anon. I'm so sorry you're going through this and ahhh sorry I'm scatterbrained, it's been a long day and my brain cells are on fire, but!!! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU and I LOVE YOU and IT'S GONNA BE OKAY!!!! IT'S GONNA GET BETTER!!!!!! That feeling of constant anxiety 24/7 is an absolute bitch, but it gets better!!! It gets better!!!! I'll say it a million times, it gets better!!!! And I'm here for you the whole way okay? Please feel free to message me anytime. Ilusm I'm sending you so many hugs and I will be keeping you in my thoughts. 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

#thank you for taking the time to empathize with me holy shit #i feel like a lot of ppl dont rly. understand ptsd. unless if they have it. which is normal ofc #or just trauma in general. which is fine! u cant fully understand smth til u go thru it #so when you mentioned the CONSTANT anxiety i was just nodding my head while reading #24/7 your brain is making you remember things you wish you could forget and it aint fun #tips: journal your thoughts everyday to reduce nightmares #bc it helps your brain process things while its awake #so it wont process AS much when youre asleep. that way you get BETTER sleep #more tips: sleeping is so good for u. drinking water is so good for ur Scared Brain #EXERCISING!!!! going for walks in the sunlight helps you with vitamin D + tiring u out faster #so u can sleep easier. bc again. oh my god the sleep is so important.#and sleep is the thing i struggle with the most i only get 3 or 4 hours every night #being social helps so much. im going out with friends at LEAST once a week #and scheduling hangouts with online friends once a week as well. or voice calling #i know it hurts so fucking bad right now but i promise it gets better #i am holding your hand the entire time ok you're not alone. im here for you.#anonymous #asks #ptsd #keepsake

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toastsnaffler · 8 months

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its actually nuts how missing a single vaccination has shaped my entire fucking life. like not only would I not be deaf if I had gotten it on time but I probs wouldn't have adhd either 🫣

#like yeah I have a family history of adhd but im pretty sure the current model suggests u can be genetically *predisposed* but the actual-#development of adhd is thought to be closely linked to environmental 'triggers' like childhood stress or head injuries lol #or in my case brain trauma. fun fact: a suspected 62% of kids who survive hib meningitis later develop adhd symptoms #vs. 5% incidence in the general population.....#when I first heard that I was still in denial bc i thought of adhd as a 'natural' condition like ur just born that way #so if meningitis survivors displayed symptoms that didnt mean they were ACTUALLY adhd. except literally all adhd is-#is a collection of symptoms its not some tangible 'switch' thats flipped in some ppl and not others. maybe thats a rly obvious statement-#but I found it kinda hard to get my head around. i guess just bc of how a lot of psychology is viewed by the public innit #anyway being deaf + nd kinda fucking sucks yall better be jabbing ur babies with every vaccination possible or im coming for ur knees #its funny bc it sounds like im saying watch out !! vaccination may PREVENT neurodivergence NOT cause it !!#*andrew wakefield voice* u wouldnt want a child with autism #but thats not what i meaaaannn obvs ur kid not getting xyz disease that could kill them is the number 1 most important thing #its so cringe actually bc hib b incidence has been down to abt 2 in every 100 000 babies since the vax was introduced in 1985 #so I was one of like. probably less than 10 babies to get it in the fucking country and they misdiagnosed me a bunch of times #bc it was so uncommon + I had some rarer symptoms plus the only way to actually CHECK is to test spinal fluid which is a faff #if theyd realised earlier then i also wouldnt be deaf bc it wouldnt have been as severe. just a series of unfortunate events i guess #anyway. immunology is so fascinating i wish id focused on it more in my degree tbh #over and OUT #.diaries

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simonstamenovic · 1 year

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genuinely very very happy about maya still Do Not get me wrong. I simply wish... the world was better and less cruel. and that I was not complicit in that cruelty. and that honorspren in shadesmar werent such hypocrites.

#outgoing transmission #adolin post #the desire to have everything be good forever and be told by some almighty being that #actually you didnt mske anything mistakes and did the best you can and were good vs like #how... not hollow. but. that is also not true i messed up so very much and do have to wonder if my existence was Not worth it #disregarding the fact that... well. it is a story someone wrote and yes obviously I needed to be there.#but. as a person? mmh. craving not necessarily reassurance but Being Sure i didn't make awful decisions to make things worse. and i simply #cannot know that. not at the moment and potentially not with any certainty ever #which is no different from anyone elses life really. but there is a certain agony to it #i dont know. i love kal. i dont have many memories yet of. well. but #id like to think he loves me. coming face to face with that however is... well why would he?#he is. well i feel anything i say wouldnt really encapsulate it to be honest i could worship that man and i mean that so sincerely #he... would not like it. but it isnt...... well hes a better man than me but not because i think hes flawless or anything #just. he tries so very hard. i didnt even have it in me to not murder someone despite how risky it was #for the best. and i wish id done it sooner still. but i do also think it says a good deal about my character in general #sorry again about this i hope everyone is well.#it is too bright out now honestly which is kind of funny. half comforting. half annoying. a small part... some other thing. weird i suppose #brain is. mm. partially shadesmar. partially... something else. stormy. near kal. tense but not necessarily in a danger way.#but something... stuck a bit maybe. not sure if it is a natural thing or more a. spren parent trap situation. for lack of any better terms.#cute and mildly obnoxious... hm. something to consider.

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ajaegerpilot · 1 year

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truly it is so funny that i'm like :// wish i was attracted to people more often :// and then the moment i'm attracted to someone i'm like ouch ow ow ow

#but i STILL wish i was attracted to people more often because then it would mean less presumably You Know >_>#although i just got dinner with a friend and she's like the exact opposite to me and gets feelings really easily and says its not easier #okay. so maybe it ISNT but at LEAST YOUR ODDS ARE BETTER (although she's also struggling in these tinder streets soo :// maybe not????)#it's just rough in general. you know. to desire.#misha speaks #i'm going to be in another province for nearly a month so hopefully the fans in my brain can cool down so that my cpu doesnt overheat #otherwise i'm going to have to resort to CBT.#i can't believe i accidentally signed up to get my feelings hurt?????? truly the human condition.#btw i'm going to be in toronto for the next 3 weeks on my first solo trip screaammm

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07170 · 2 years

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i dont want to embarrass myself by venting on here but.

#gah i hate weed addiction i hate it i hate beibg predisposed to addiction i hate that sibce i cant smoke my brain tells me drink #which makes my brain tell me smoke because its better than alcoholism and i cant be the third generation of alcoholic. i cant #weed #alcohol #i miss my ex i wish i could just relapse and smoke and use weed like a normal human being -_-

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imwritesometimes · 2 years

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having a real 'hmmmm I haven't thought about this scene before falling asleep enough to write it perfectly yet' kinda night....

#i write sometimes #I'm still having some wild focus and concentration issues as of late #and that in turn is making my sleep issues really fuckin bad man #can't turn my brain OFF at night but I can't get it to FOCUS on like 'just create blorbo situations!'#it's just like a pinball machine lighting up dung ding ding from one wild thought to the next it's unbearable #and I so wish I could get this all back under control 😞#not just for writing purposes but cause like it just sucks in general like quality of life like it's all the time all day #and the not being able to sleep is just killing me on every level #rambling but ughhh I wanna work on the fic but I feel like these last 2 scenes need more time to marinate for lack of a better term lol #keeping postive though! I am enjoying working on it I luv Them! I'm happy to be writing again if it's slow going rn!

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farawayfromdryland · 2 years

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i think just about everyone said it would be hard, i just didn't have any reference for it yet

#my brain has the really amazing fantastic 100% awesome ability to start me on a fear/sad/dread spiral for no toher reason than i've been #happy most of the day like don't trust it! don't trust it! doom is also an option #like yeah sure but also not relevant and I was FINE #it's like i was experiencing good emotions. generally good vibe and so i become hyper aware that that feeling can't last forever #which is fine there's a whole spectrum and a half of emotional experiences i don't want to be stuck in one forever #but my brain preemptively goes okay here's the worst case scenario for everything good right now turning bad and also feel every bad emotio #n at once right now thanks #god i just. i wish id done so much differently a long time ago and i wish there had been people in my life who were better #at helping me but also just better #which i know #i KNOW is pointless to dwell on but i feel as though if i dont' face the grief head on i just fall into delusion #good and bad #and stay get more lost #i don't know don't reblog or whatever

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