#I keep saying this but I've never cried over killing characters before this is so fucking surreal

[blossom-hwa]

guys I'm crying real tears over this story I'm so fucked

[firefirefruit]

Steel in Her Veins, Chapter: Thirty-Five

Read On: AO3 | Table of Contents | Next Chapter

Characters: Fem!Reader x Roronoa Zoro

writer's notes: hi guys! i know, super late post. i've been super busy with things so it's been hard to juggle everything right now! but i'm still here - very much alive and still writing. i hope you enjoy this next chapter :p as always, would love to read your comments on this one!

Chapter Thirty-Five: A Surly Monster

A pair of long, large obsidian nails curve around the ship with an ear-shattering creak. Impatiently, the dragon snarls out, its dark wings tensely billowing outwards like a sparkling parachute, increasingly building its strong momentum to lift off.

Law stumbles out of the boys' quarters—if you can even call it that anymore, what with the Hearts pirates having to bunk beds with the Strawhats in an incredibly undersized room—his bare feet slapping against the wooden deck in alarm.

"What," he seethes, whilst the little nightcap on the top of his head trembles against the dragon's slapping wind, "the fuck have you gotten into now!?"

Zoro turns, eyebrow raised, and when his eyes land on the Surgeon of Death donning a dress robe that billows out dramatically in front of him—and not to mention that ridiculous little hat—he instantly shouts out in laughter.

Law's piercing eyes slink onto the swordsman. "You got something to say, asshole?"

Zoro keeps barking out like an animal out of control, which makes Raya snap her head around and gape at him as if she's never met this man before. Zoro shakes his head, a tear glistening in his eye. "Nice outfit, princess."

Law's face burns, his jaw tensing into a boulder of stone. "I'm going to kill you, you piece of—"

In a startling and teetering tilt to the ship, the dragon bellows out thunderously, its snout producing smoke that threatens to spill into fire. It retracts its claws—only one remaining hooked on the side of the Sunny—as its wet eyes tilt downwards to the two men who begin flailing off the ship. 

Silence them, or I shall do it myself, the dragon grumbles hotly. 

Raya shivers as she hears the voice in her skull again – deep, shattering and quite…. unsurprisingly, ill-tempered. She tilts her head back up at the heavy-shouldered force, and without even thinking of her own hot temper, she narrows her eyes back at him. 

Quit talking through me, Raya bites out, ignoring the distant cries of the two men hanging onto the ship by a rotten, stray rope. You have no right to invade my mind like this.

The dragon bristles, blasting air from its snout. I am not your enemy, Human.

"Room!" Law forcefully cries out, his inked fingers stretching out, his feet flapping against nothing but air. "Sha—"

But before Law utters that one life-saving word, his hand, with no doing of his own, slams right into his face.

Control their tempers, the dragon repeats, his large eyeballs gleaming at Law, or I'll do more than place his hand in his mouth. 

"Ugh, fuck!" Raya hisses, her knuckles turning white over the wooden railing. "Fine! Just hold the ship up properly!"

The dragon huffs out a cloud of smoke in response to Raya's demand, but it complies, adjusting its grip on the ship to stabilise it. Law and Zoro, now dangling precariously from the rope, exchange glares before scrambling back onto the deck.

Raya clenches her fists, still seething with frustration at the intrusion into her mind. "You better keep your end of the bargain," she warns the dragon, her voice laced with venom.

Deal with your companions, and I shall refrain from further interference.

With a heavy sigh, Raya turns her attention to Law and Zoro; standing sheepishly on the deck, they try to regain their composure through manly coughs and throat clearing. 

Raya raises a finger at them. "You two," she begins, her voice tight with irritation, "need to get your shit together. I'm in the middle of figuring out what these bloody beasts want with me, and you're both itching for a stupid fight."

Law bristles and takes an accusatory step forward. "But he's the one who started—"

"Boohoo, now go kiss and make up," Raya snaps. She sighs and takes a moment to compose herself, softly leaning her hips against the wooden rail. "Look, these dragons have some sort of business with me. The only reason you guys are here right now with me - and not stranded in Gods knows where - is because— Oh, for fuck's sake, Roronoa, put your swords away."

"We're heading to their den, aren't we?" Zoro mutters. "We gotta be prepared."

"If you don't slide those swords back into their pretty little sheathes, I will eviscerate them again," Raya calmly says, narrowing her eyes. "And this time, Roronoa, I won't fix them."

Silence. 

Law silently gives Zoro a curious side-eye, waiting with Raya for his next move.

The shink! of steel brushing against leather slides in slow, reluctant, movements, following with a tight snap, as the swords burrow themselves securely into their respective homes. 

Raya smirks, sarcastically pouting back at Zoro's grumpy frown. "Good talk."

She looks over to the portholes behind Zoro and Law, realising that Nami, Usopp and Bepo's bewildered faces are staring out from the safety of their sleeping quarters. Raya sighs, stretching her fingers out by her sides. "Alright, let's go and fill the others in."

☆

 

"THIS IS SOOOOOO COOOOL!" Luffy yells, his voice echoing off into the depths of the cavern. 

"Shut up, Luffy! Don't wake them up," Usopp quickly hisses as his legs shakingly clamber down the ship's ladder. 

"But they're already awake?" Bepo mentions, staring wide-eyed at a colossal dragon that flies past their eyes.

"Shut up," Usopp panickily repeats, slamming his eyes shut as he feels the heavy breath of the dragon hit his face. "You're lying. You're lying. I can't see anything."

"I mean, I guess I won't be needing a lighter anymore." Sanji grins, reaching his cigarette out to a random sprout of fire that dances across the surface of a rock. "It's not too bad, Usopp. You could be the Strawhat's dessert, if you wanted to," he taunts with an evil grin plastered on his face.

Usopp pales. “Des… Dessert?” 

"Hold on..." Brook looks around, his jaw dropping. "Where did Luffy go?"

"Don't worry," Robin smiles, waving her hand. "Franky's babysitting."

"This…This is incredible," Raya dazedly mutters to herself, entranced by the vast expanse of rock and fire.

The cavern is enormous – fit to house five hundred dragons, to be exact. It's so big that Raya can see a few dragons soar through as little specks of shimmering colour. 

As Raya steps into the stomach-dropping view, her senses are immediately overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of its grandeur. The cavern stretches before her like the yawning mouth of some ancient titan, its walls jagged and imposing, veined with veins of glimmering minerals that catch the flickering light from the fiery pits below.

Above, the ceiling disappears into darkness, lost to the depths of the earth, while below, the floor is a chaotic mosaic of molten rock and glowing embers, casting an eerie orange glow that dances across the cavern walls. The air is thick with the acrid scent of sulphur, punctuated by the occasional roar of a passing dragon and the crackling of flames.

Clusters of stalactites hang like icicles from the ceiling, their tips glistening with droplets of molten rock that drip into the fiery chasms below. Columns of stone rise up from the depths, their surfaces scarred and pitted from centuries of exposure to the elements.

But what truly captures Raya's attention are the dragons themselves. Massive beasts of every size and colour, their scales gleaming like jewels in the dim light, their wings spanning the length of several ships as they soar effortlessly through the cavern. Some lounge lazily on rocky outcrops, their eyes gleaming with a predatory intelligence, while others dart through the air with lightning speed, their forms blurred by the heat haze rising from the molten rock below.

Human, the familiar voice rumbles out, spinning Raya's head back into reality. Look at me, Human.

Suddenly, the colossal obsidian dragon reappears again, making Chopper and Brook screech out in surprise. It hovers in front of Raya with a slightly tilted head, almost as if he's offering some sort of respect. His wet eyes lock onto hers, his wings flapping in rhythmic movements, and silence fills Raya's ears as if a melody is playing that she is forbidden to listen to. 

Raya holds her breath, feeling the warmth of his snout blow her hair backwards. She doesn't respond to his telepathic intrusion; she only stares.

The black dragon breathes out again, an odd similarity to a tired, human sigh.

Get on my back, he says. We have much to discuss.

[waterdeep-weavemoss]

@dreamingofthewild you wanted me to do the 'give me a character' thing with Astarion. Thank you 💜 I'm putting how I feel at the end. mentions of abuse/trauma. so.

All the people I ship romantically with this character - Let's see... Wyll and Shadowheart. Wyll because canonically they have a huge crush on each other and it would also be so incredibly funny for sweet upstanding pride of the gate Wyll to be with him when Astarion lives for causing chaos. Shadowheart because I think they could really help each other. Astarion would help her with her memory issues and confronting her past actions and how it's not her fault, and she'd help him understand that he's worth more than his body. I think also that both of them could learn gentle loving touch when both of them have been forced to torture and kill.

My non-romantic OTP for this character - Karlach. I almost put her in the romantic option but she desperately wants intimacy including sex and Astarion would rather not have so much, and I really think if they were in a relationship he'd just want to please her and would struggle to say no. Not because she would pressure him in any way just because he would want to fulfill her needs as well. And also Gale. I've said before, they're so similar. I couldn't ship them romantically because I feel like they'd just make each other worse. Both of them are so ambitious and want to be safe but they are looking in the wrong places for it and I think they'd drag each other down the dark path.

My unpopular opinion about this character - He doesn't woobify himself so we shouldn't either. He says he would've killed you, if you'd met at a different time. And he's right. It takes months for him to grow into a person who looks out for others. I suppose it's also unpopular to say I loathe ascended Astarion, and that includes batstarion and all of that. It's not cute. What he represents is disgusting and it is so clear to me as an abuse survivor who was abused BY another survivor that the Ascendant is a hollow caricature of the man Astarion is. It's not 'keeping him low' to have him remain a spawn. It's allowing him to keep his humanity and sweetness and build on it to become a better person for himself and others. The Ascendant is a wreck. He's more broken after the ritual than he ever was before it.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon - I think we all wish he could be cured but I wish he could also just settle somewhere? Like have a home base that he and Tav (or Durge) adventure from. Maybe outside of Baldur's Gate. Maybe in Waterdeep.

How I feel about this character - I have many, many complex feelings about Astarion. I staked him in my first playthrough because his mean streak really got my back up and annoyed me. On my next playthrough I gave him a chance this time and it felt so incredibly rewarding to get 'ah, my favourite travelling companion' in act 2. It felt like making friends with a mean cat. And then we got to Cazador. Cazador, who was so close to my own pathetic, power hungry, posturing abuser that it took my breath away a little bit. Cazador who like my own abuser would lock Astarion away because he couldn't have freedom. Who said they were family even as he hurt him. Even as he moulded him into someone else from who he had been. Someone Astarion- and I- could never go back to. Someone to mourn, when it was all over. His death is still my favourite thing in this game. I always itch for the Cazador fight as soon as I get to act 3. Seeing Astarion stab him repeatedly? Yeah. I wish I could too. But when he fell to his knees and scream sobbed... yeah. I've been there. My god I cried with him. And I was so proud of him, too. Realising he could be better than what he made him. Yeah. Then I romanced him, and was floored by how this mean, dismissive, manipulative man softens into someone not only gentle but sweet. Someone who wants desperately to love but doesn't know how, but will try, for this one person. The way he understands exactly what's happening if you enter into the pact with Haarlep, and tells Tav he's sorry, he's been there, it's not their fault and they shouldn't have to just put up with it and not to suffer alone. The way he is the ONLY person to truly understand Durge and urges them to be better if they're resisting. He was not the person I thought would be telling me, the player, what I needed to hear, and every time I just felt cracked open. That we aren't shackled to our pasts. That sometimes you never get the apology you deserve and you need to be okay with that for your own sake. That the person you are now is what counts, but you must confront the person you were and lay them to rest. He is so ride or die for the player character if you put in the time and effort for him that it just blows my mind. The minute Tav or Durge is threatened he's in his feral little crouch ready to fight for them, because they fought for him, too. That got a little out of hand. But I love Astarion so much. His story gave me the courage to start setting my own hard boundaries and as a result I broke off a five year friendship that was making my hair fall out from stress, and a few months later quit my PhD because it was ruining not only my wellbeing but also my love of writing and reading. And now I'm doing so much better. And the catalyst was Astarion's story. So yeah. I don't care if people hate him. He quite honestly changed my life. 'You're not alone in this. None of us are.'

[herrscherrofyatta]

Trouble on set

Pairing: Tomo x F!reader

cw: brief spoilers for the Sumeru quests, a sprinkle of Kazuha x reader here and there, pining, fluff, contains future spoilers for the everlasting series, slight angst? harassment towards the reader towards the end

summary: after filming the second to last part of sumeru's chapter, you and your co stars sit down and chat about the recent events

a/n: for the modern au event

Tears are spilling from Scaramouche's eyes as he looks at your tired e/c eyes that look up at him with nothing but love for him as your lips part slightly.

"...I love you Kuni."

You say and with that, your eyes close. Taking your last breath as Scaramouche sat there, staring as tears continued to fall, "....Y/n?"

He calls out, shaking you gently, "no.... don't—don't do this to me too. Please.... don't leave me!" He grits his teeth, pulling out the gnosis and pressing it into your chest just as you did before but your body no longer accepts it.

After several attempts, he throws the item to the side, cradling your body in his arms as he sobs, burying in face in your neck as your head hangs back. His body shakes as his cries grow louder.

"...i—i love you too." He knew his words meant nothing if you couldn't hear them, you always showered him with affection like a real sister for decades and the one time he finally returned it, it was too late.

"And cut. You two did well, I don't think we need to redo this scene."

A voice is heard as Scaramouche looks up as his face is still wet with tears and you open your eyes, wincing at the bright light above you two.

"Get cleaned up and have a break." Scaramouche helps you up, as you give him a smile.

"Good job." You tell him as he nods, still in character as you two walk off the set and immediately your friend come over to you two.

"You two did so well! Everyone was tearing up." Nahida says and some of your co-workers nod at her words.

"I'll see you two later." Scaramouche raises a hand at you two before working off, wiping his face and you and Nahida walk back to where the rest of your friends are.

"I think this is my favorite scene." You smile at this, "that's what you said during the fight scene between me and Tomo."

She giggles, "this one tops it, that scene is my second favorite."

You sigh at this, remembering how the filming for that was a bit difficult but it's done.

"You did a great job back there." Aether says as you two arrive in the break room where everyone else who was a part of this season.

"Thanks, me and Scara practiced to nail it in one go. To think we'll be done with this season but you still have like 5 more to go." You laugh as Aether sighs.

"yeah. Oh, did you get your script for the interlude?" Shaking your head, "no, I remember Hoyoverse saying that they would give us a break for a week or so. I'll probably get it soon though but I doubt I'll get any more scenes, they killed off my character."

The blonde shrugs his shoulders, handing you a cup of coffee, "you never know. Maybe they'll keep you around because of your great acting skills and maybe because of the whole romance with your character and Tomo's too, I have a feeling like it's not quite done."

Nahida sits down, going over her script as you and Aether continue talking.

"Oh! Speaking of Tomo, I promised him and Kazuha that the three of us would watch this part of the season when it aired."

The director didn't call you and scaramouche to redo the scene so you were free till the next filming.

A month later, you were recovering from an incident during filming, nothing too serious but it hurt like hell and your phone rings so you stand up to answer it, careful not to hurt your wrist.

"Hello?"

"Y/n! Hello, are you still up to watch the new episode tonight?" It was Kazuha, you smile at this, you two have been in many films together and are very close friends.

"Tonight? What day is it....." You look at your calendar and your eyes widen, "oh my god, I forgot about today, I've been so busy but yes I'm still down. Is Tomo coming as well?"

Tomo, another one of your friends and you two met through Kazuha, who also happened to be acting as your character's love interest in Genshin Impact.

"Yeah, he'll be arriving earlier than me at your place."

And just like Kazuha said, the blonde did ring your door bell two hours later and you let him. Making sure he was comfortable on the couch, you prepared some drinks, placing the tray on the small coffee table and handing him a drink. Your eyes take a good look at the blonde, noticing that he still hasn't cut his long hair since it was still in it's ponytail.

"You didn't cut it," you finally say.

"Well, you said you liked it long." He says before taking a sip, "plus, I think I'll still be acting for Hoyoverse and I have a feeling you will too." He smiles at you and you could feel the heat grow on your face at this, turning away from him as you walk out the living room.

"Oh really?"

He hums, "keeping you for a couple more episodes would give them more benefits.....so can you tell what happens?"

Rolling your eyes, you scoff, "be patient, I'm sure it'll be a ride for you."

He sits up in surprise, "wait! Don't tell me they killed you off?!"

"pfft—" you cover your laugh at this, "no—they would never!" You say sarcastically, not wanting to spoil it for him and so two hours later, Kazuha walked in to find you two in a heated conversation about your characters.

"No but like, we still need to film the festival they first met at! They can't just leave it like that between them!" Tomo says as you chuckle before taking a sip of your water, "we'll be letting the shippers down."

Chuckles at this, you say, "with you as their leader, I'm sure you'll all manage just fine." Tomo gives you an unimpressed look.

"Well, it's not our decision plus I think they'll be alright. I mean, have you read some of the fanfiction they write? Sometimes I think it's better than the official story and that says a lot." You point as Kazuha stands at the doorway, seems like neither of you noticed him quite yet.

"Yeah that's good and all but—"

"But if our characters keep going, Hoyoverse was bound to—"

"No! Listen! Remember their other series, the one you were a part of a couple years back, Honkai Impact—"

You laugh at this, remembering the role you played, "doesn't mean they're gonna let our characters live happily ever after, Tomo, remember that they're on the opposite side. A Harbinger and a wandering samurai who's an orphan."

He sighs in frustration, "still, I hope they give them the happy ending they deserve at least."

Shrugging your shoulders at this, you look away from the man in front of you and look to the side, "how long have you been standing?"

Tomo spits out his drink, looking at him, "dude, stop creeping around like that!"

Kazuha laughs at this, "you two sure do act like a married couple, talking about your favorite characters."

You roll your eyes at this, "everyone says that about us, lots of traffic?"

Kazuha hums, "yes and looks like I arrived on time." You and Tomo look at the time in sync, seeing that there was a few minutes for the episode to air.

The three of you go to the living room, getting comfortable on the couch and turning on the TV. Making sure none of your schedules were packed for the next day, it was like a tradition to sit and binge watch all the new episodes on the day one comes out.

"They better not leave us on a cliffhanger again." Tomo comments as you play the episode released today, Kazuha leans back as you put your knees up to your chest, face snuggling into a pillow and Tomo stares at the screen in anticipation.

The episode starts off where the last had ended, your hand brushes against Kazuha, making you glance at him and he looks at you.

He sees you shake your head slightly and he gets what you're hinting at so he glances over to the blonde whose eyes are glued to the screen.

"He'll be alright." He whispers, giving you a smile as you look at him a bit worried, brows furrow. "I gave it my best for my last scene....I just hope he won't be too disappointed." You whisper back, he reaches up to push a strand of hair behind your ear before gently flickering your forehead.

"You did great."

"We haven't even gotten to that scene —"

"But you're acting so well," he gestures to the screen as you look at it, watching as you appear from thin air in front of Nahida, catching the dendro archon by surprise.

"No way she managed to rip out the gnosis from the archon!? Signora style too!" Tomo yells, you and Kazuha brink at this before letting out a quiet laugh.

"Yeah, he'll be alright." You smile at Kazuha and you two go back to watching.

Let's say the night ended with Tomo being in shock, staring at the screen as the credits played out with vocal singing in Latin, one heard in the fight, now more clearly meant to represent your character's emotions.

"...I'll get the guests room ready." You say, going up the stairs, leaving the two men by themselves. The next morning, you were making breakfast when Kazuha woke up, saying he wanted to help.

Tomo slept in a little late and only woke up from hearing your laughter from downstairs and going down to go see what was making you laugh that hard, he freezes up at the sight of Kazuha and you close together in front of the stove, backs turned to him.

He watches a little while before retreating back to his room, sighing, it was no secret that he was head over heels for you, every single one your friends knew and it was completely obvious too.

He had met you on set, he was new to the crew when he first saw you in person, talking with a smile to the guy that plays Scaramouche, the way you two interact he would have mistaken you as a couple. But he had heard that Scaramouche was like a brother to you, known each other since childhood but Kazuha....he had heard so much from him. Highschool friends to be exact.

He wouldn't be surprised if the white haired male had feelings for you, hell, anyone would and he wouldn't see a chance to be with you since you were constantly surrounded by amazing, better people than him.

Standing in the middle of the room, gripping his fists, he was nothing but a guy who got lucky enough to get a big role while you were someone with experience, talent and big celebrities chasing after you.

why would you bat an eye at his feelings?

A knock at the door snaps him out of his thoughts, "Tomo, are you up? Breakfast is ready." Your voice is muffled as he sighs before answering.

"Oh, I'm starving!" He exclaims, opening the door as you look up at him, staring at him for a moment before looking away.

"We should hurry or Kazuha is going to eat everything." You say, joking, walking away before Tomo grabs a hold of your hand, making you turn around, confused.

"Tomo? What's wrong?"

He stares, hesitating before letting you go. "No, it's nothing. Sorry."

You two stand there before Kazuha's voice calls out, making you two go downstairs.

—

" Actress Y/n L/n who plays an important character in Season 3 of the hit series 'Genshin Impact' is confirmed to be dating Actor Kaedehara Kazuha who also is a part of the same series. The two have been seen together on a date, holding hands at a famous cafe— "

Tomo's heart drops at this, dropping his phone and it makes a loud noise that makes a few people give him weird looks. Picking it up, he checks the pictures taken and can't believe it.

It was you two in the picture, it didn't seem to be photoshopped and—

"What are you looking at?" He jumps at the sounds of your voice beside him, his phone slipping from his hands as you catch it, raising a brow at the news.

"...." You don't say anything, simply staring at the screen before calling out to Kazuha. "Hey Kazu."

"Yes?"

His head pops out from a corner, munching on a cookie, "when did we start dating?" Kazuha takes a bite of his food before shrugging his shoulders.

"I dunno, you tell me."

Waving at him to come over, he does, and you show him, he doesn't look fazed.

"This again?" He asks as you sigh, "I'm afraid so." You two look at Tomo who was quiet this whole time.

".....did you fall for this?" He shakes his head.

Kazuha begins to explain everything, the context of the photo, saying it was taken when you and him snuck out to get something to eat during break. "Look, we're in our costumes and the reason why Kazuha was holding my hand was because the heels I wore were too hard to walk in properly."

Tomo mentally sighs at this, relieved, "also we're the main leads for this romance series so there's that." He freezes up as you hand him back his phone.

Neither of you notice prying eyes watching from a distance.

The day goes on, a couple retakes on scenes here and there when it was time for lunch, you and your friends decide to eat together inside so you quickly went to your trailer to get your food.

The heels you wore made a sound with each step you took, "excuse me," an eerie voice came from behind you, making you tense up and glance back to see a man who you didn't recognize.

"are you lost? I can bring security to accompany you to the exit." You stopped walking, not wanting to show this man where your trailer was in case he tried to come back later.

"No...no, I'm not lost. In fact, I already found what I'm looking for." He says in a creepy way, his face was red with sweat the longer he stared at you.

"What do you—?!" Your eyes widened as he grabbed a hold of your wrist, pulling you towards him as you struggled against his hold.

"Let go of me!" You shout, but his grip on your wrist that was still recovering from an acting incident, tightens as you wince and he sees this as an opportunity to wrap his other arm around your waist.

"You're finally mine—"

—

Tomo looks at the time, it's been a few minutes since you left to get your lunch and Kazuha seems to notice this too. Standing up, he and Tomo begin to head to find you at your trailer but to their surprise, an unfamiliar man had you in his grasp as you struggled against him. Quickly running over, Kazuha calls for security, you continue to push the man off as he leans in to try to kiss you.

"Let me go!?" You raise your knee and hit him where the sun doesn't sun as his grip on your falters and Tomo quickly pulls you behind him, he could feel your hands grip his shirt with fear.

"You bitch!" The man says, glaring up at him. "You'll pay!"

Tomo glares at him, "you have to get through me first."

Kazuha rushes over with a couple security guards, "and before you can get to him, you need to get through security." He says as the buff, talk men pick up the creep who kept trying to tell you things.

"None of you understand! Me and her are destined together! We're going to get married and have children—"

You pull back tomo who is trying so hard not to punch this guy who was creeping you out.

"None of you will get in the way of our true love!"

The security guards roll their eyes at this as you see Tomo turn to you and you give him a confused look before he leans in, pressing his lips to yours.

"What the hell!? Let go of my precious Y/n! We're supposed to be together —"

Your face is red as Tomo pulls away, "together my ass, we've been dating for a long time so she's mine." He flips him off as the man gets dragged off, still saying things.

The blonde sighs, as Kazuha goes to your side, looking around for any injuries and he notices that your hands are shaking slightly.

Being harassed was nothing to you but someone getting that close to you as new, he's been there to see and luckily to protect you but to think someone sneaked in to look especially for you was terrifying.

"Thank you," you finally say, "if you hadn't.....I couldn't imagine what that man would've done." Tomo frowns, placing a hand in your back.

"You did all the work, hitting him in the balls." He smiles when a smile cracks in your face at this. Your face heats up as he wraps his arm around your shoulder as he leads you inside while Kazuha goes to talk with security.

"...sorry for not asking." You glance up to see how red his cheeks were before looking down, flustered as he was.

"...it's not like we haven't kissed before...on set." You mumble, "..I kinda liked it." Stuttering in your words, you refuse to look up at Tomo, afraid of his reaction.

He coughs, "...me too, every single one." If your face couldn't heat up even more at his confession, it did.

Nahida looks up from her book to see you two walk in, speechless to see you two holding hands with flustered faces but smiles to herself.

It was about time you two figured out your feelings.

Tomo: So whose idea was it to show that scene to parallel Ei and Makoto's?

You: well....you see—

Masterlist

[jessbeinme15s-notebook]

Once in a lifetime, twice.

Ft. Toji Fushiguro and daughter reader.

Warnings : spoilers for Shibuya arc, italics are seriously abused, major character death, reminiscence?

Author's note: this contains a named reader, with an established biological sex and age. Those have significance to the story, so please feel free to think this is oc stuff too.

did I write this despite having loads of notes to finish updating? Yes. Did I write this instead of finishing my almost finished draft? Yes. I had to get it out of my system, so I may have projected a teeny bit. (narrator voice: she lied. The whole thing is mixed with things she has actually experienced before and her longing for things that will never happened agai- *gets shot*) Also. TUMBLR COMPLETELY WIPED OUT MY DRAFT. I WAS WRITING ON HERE AND IT RELOADS BY ITSELF WITHOUT ME DOING SHIT SO I LOST A DRAFT I WORKED ON FOR ONE HOUR AND HAD TO REWRITE AND TYPE WITH ADJUSTMENTS AGAIN. This whole fix is all I've been working on from four in the morning and it's 8:45 right now. FML fr

PS: I've added scenes and lined from the manga with slight alterations (not to the lines themselves). They do not, however, change the plot of the overall story of jjk as a whole or the arc itself.

PPS: do you know the amount of math I had to do? That's saying something because I'm shit at math and I've worked hard on this.

2006

name: keisuke fushiguro

Age: 15

"Dad. is that you?"

"Hmm? Do I know you?" The man turned around, looking at you quizzically.

....."oh. I'm sorry, I confused you for someone I know". You barely manage to keep the lump in your throat under control. "my bad"

's'fine'. ....what's your name?" "Keisuke." "unusual for a girl" "Yeah, I get that a lot" you looked up at him, smiling a little more genuinely this time. Okay, the tears were starting to form. "It was nice meeting you Mr. Fushiguro, I've got to go now." "yeah, me too." You turned around, ready to walk away from that place and hopefully never return to this area by any kind of luck. ....."take care, kid." you turned back around, nodding before you flash him one last smile.

One last smile, huh.

"take care"?? What was going on with him? the 'Toji Zenin', known for not giving a damn about putting an end to the man who handsomely paid him just last week telling some random teenager (probably got lost) who confused him with his father, telling her to "take care?" ...whatever, she was just a kid, after all. Sighing, he checked his targets coordinates and continued on his mission.

'that was sloppier than usual, but the money was still good' he thought to himself.

That kids face flashed through his mind again. 'That's the fifth time today.' Seriously, what was wrong with him? Was it their hair? Was it the eyes, which were the same green as his?

Shit.

Shit.

that was Keisuke? his Keisuke?

the Keisuke who painted his nails and put his hair in pigtails right before an emergency mission but he didn't have time to fix his appearance so he went like that? the Keisuke who cried so loudly when he "got knocked over" by a "deadly punch" and rubbed snot all over his shirt, sobbing she "didn't mean to kill you papa pleaaaase wake up" ? the Keisuke who was a "criminal" because she "rode" the bike and was even "intrergated by the p'lice" for her "crimes" (he got pulled over and lectured for letting her stand on the fuel tank. not that anything would actually ever harm her in his sight, of course. but the police wouldn't listen). the Keisuke who got sick after eating ice cream in the winters (it was cold outside but OBVIOUSLY you wouldn't listen and begged Toji to let you have ice cream and how could he ever say no when you looked at him like that? he got scolded so harshly for it too, making him cry (mamaguro said "are you crazy? ice cream in winter? couldn't you have at least tried to convince her to eat something warmer? but nooooo. of course you bought her ice cream *smack*) and even got hit! that Keisuke?

"...Toji. Keisuke is a male name. The baby's female." "Exactly. Imagine if I call out the name "Keisuke" and that old fart turns around to find an adorable little girl instead! I think that's funn-" "WHY'D YOU HIT ME!?" "DON'T CURSE IN FRONT OF THE BABY."

The smile. The upturn of the eyes that so resembled hers. That little scar on left hands pinky from when you pretended your fingers were "veggie sticks" and were about to chop the lot into pieces. he saw it when you had lifted you hand to tuck your hair back into place. "Mr. Fushiguro". he never remembered telling her his own name.

why did he remember all this now?

his mouth felt salty. his face was..... wet?

quickly wiping his tears off, he decided he needed a smoke. not that it did anything to his body of course, but he seriously felt he should.

2006

name: keisuke fushiguro

name meaning: "save". toji chose this name as mamaguro and his (yet to be born) daughter saved him from who he was and made him a better person.

age: 27, 1890 born.

age difference between her and megumi : 12

status: alive.

technique: shadow manipulation. they can control shadows, and create them, similar to the ten shadows technique. exept this technique allows the user to create shikigami rather than summon them. there is no exorcism ritual as seen with the ten shadows technique.

ex 1: the user makes a shikigami of a human, using their own self (or another person) as a producer of the shadow. this shikigami, depending on the level of cursed energy input, can talk and maintain intellectual conversation equal to that of the original, but can never exeed the original's own capability. think of it as shadow cloning, in this particular example.

ex 2: the user makes a shikigami of an object or animal. depending on the level of cursed enery input, the cursed object can carry messages, but not communicate. it stays in function until exorcised or put to rest by the user. this technique is newly formed, and could be considered a variant of the ten shadows technique.

2006, Tokyo jujutsu high

Chp 67

"Going for a quick buck doesn't suit you. I'm counting on you, sorcerer killer."

"Oh, right... How's Megumi doing?"

"..who's that again?"

Chp 70

"Do I ....know you from somewhere?"

"Don't sweat it. I'm not one to remember some dude's name either."

Chp 73

"Oh, I remember now."

"Megumi. The name means blessings. And I'm the one that gave it to him."

Chp 75

Unease.

"I don't wanna work for free" I'd usually just say that and run away. But the person in front of me was a user of the infinity jujutsu, who probably became the strongest sorcerer in our generation.

I wanted to deny it. To go against it. Against the Zeni'n clan that declined me, against the apex of the jujutsu world.

In order to reaffirm my identity, I warped my usual self.

I had already lost at that point.

I thought I had discarded that pride...

I had decided not to respect myself or anyone else. I thought I had chosen to live like that...

"Do you have any last words?"

"nah."

“Keisuke. Meaning save.”

Keisuke. You'll forgive me for not being around anymore, Won't you? I know I haven't since mom died and I left you all alone that night. That must've been so scary. I'm sorry sweetheart. I'm so, so sorry. You're a big girl now, and I'm very proud of you. Always have been. I hope you'll forgive me. You have a little brother. Remember? Try to meet him, if you can.

"....in two or three years, my kid will get sold to the Zen'in clan. Do whatever you want."

2018, shibuya.

Chp 98

"Satoru Gojo still isn't around. it's not a problem. You go down and keep killing sorcerers."

"...? Grandchild?"

"Hey, old hag. Who the hell do you think you're givin' orders to?"

"What's going on...? I only summoned the body's information!!"

My rule is never to summon the soul's information to avoid this exact worst-case scenario!!

"Oh, gotcha."

"I'm not exactly sure what's going on, but my body's special. I'd say this guys soul lost to my body."

"Kill sorcerers, huh? I guess that includes you!"

Chp 113

"So, about my kid.." "he's definitely got potential."

"If his cursed technique manifests when he's five or six... handing him over to you guys won't be problem. But that depends on the money, of course. I'll be expecting eight with an inherited technique. Seven without it."

...take care of Megumi, okay? That place is useless for someone like me. But for him.. for someone with potential... it'll be a little better.

I don't care...

I don't care anymore.

First Keisuke, now Megumi? Man, the gods really did hate him. In a twisted way, he was grateful. So very grateful. To see both his son and daughter, growing up and being strong young people. He cursed and thanked whatever shitty god was watching his shitshow of a life, made better by three people. One of whom he met the last time before he died, the other now.

"Hey. What's your name?"

"...? Fushiguro..."

"...not Zen'in, huh? Good for you."

An: was this a product of my impulsiveness? Yes. Do I even know where I went with this? No. But like I said I'm trying to cope w smth and this helped me so here ya go.

Extra note for Keisuke of you're interested is here.

[bylertruther]

It's that time again! Tell me about some of your favorite blogs, why they are your favorite, and tag them to fill the dashboard with positivity and love!

a selection of some of my faves in no particular order, of course 💌

@heroesbyler — my wife, my dearest, and my mike. one of my first friends in this fandom and someone that i trust so much i'd give her my social security number if she asked. stav is super intelligent (in so many ways), kind, funny, thoughtful, brave, and observant. her analyses punch me in the tit and kill me dead. she speaks clearly and with conviction. she stays true to her beliefs and doesn't say or do things just to appease the masses, which is, for whatever reason, a rarity in this fandom. a lovely person inside and out, really and truly—her kindness and empathy blows me away, and makes my heart feel all fuzzy. my mom's a big fan based on what i've told her dfjdshb. a great blog to follow if you want to take a deeper look at the characters on our screens, not just will and mike, and how all of the themes, messages, and journeys in this show reinforce each other. also if you like to laugh. :')

@miwism — mal is the most creative person i've had the honor of meeting in this fandom. super kind, super funny, and super inventive. one of the very few people that have managed to make me laugh out loud—and not just once, but repeatedly. so many posts that i'll randomly remember months later and bust out into giggles over. best fics, best art, best posts, best ideas, and best additions to your posts, too. seriously, mal, i've secretly wondered if you've ever done improv before because your ability to take an idea and expand on it is just that great. i love them, i want to hug them, and if they asked me to drop everything on a thursday to go to publix with them, i would. idec if it'd take me hours to get there, i Would and it'd be worth it. 💚

@wiseatom — just thinking about her fics makes me tear up on the spot. i've cried after reading her work multiple times, even on rereads, because a) they were so good that i felt devastated that it was over, and b) i would never experience that magical First Time Reading feeling again. thea's just overall talented out the fucking wazoo—like, it's actually insane. she's a talented writer, a talented artist, a true creative, so eloquent, so charming, and such a delight. i could never meet her irl and keep my composure because i would just be on my fan behavior without a way to turn it off. she'd try to talk to me and i'd just be staring at her dreamily like this: 😍🥹😊🥰💕.

@sayyourprayers — if nobody got me, i know they got me. 🫂 even when i think i'm being sneaky, they still know exactly what i'm talking about, which i am choosing to believe is a part of our superior warriors bond as well as them being very smart, and not just me being as easy to read as a toddler book. they're very funny and very straightforward. no bullshit whatsoever. i always read their tags and replies, and find them to be really insightful and witty. they're another individual that has their own beliefs and interpretations and doesn't change them based on what's currently popular or not. i like that, because i personally hate when shit starts sounding like an echo chamber. overall, i just really love their blog! i always, always tune in to see what they have to say and i find myself smiling whenever i see them in my notes.

@googoogagaeyes — doozy's another real one. she describes herself in her intro post as a lover and a hater and i couldn't agree more (in the best way possible, of course). i think she has a very text-focused and holistic way of tackling the show: she talks about the good, the bad, and the neutral, which i find to be refreshing and desperately needed. i always read everything she writes, whether it's in the tags or in the post itself, and either learn something, laugh, or, as is usually the case, do both. speaking of which, her analyses are always to the point and written in such a way that the reader feels respected. she doesn't drone on or fluff it up, which i appreciate. super eloquent, intelligent, and funny. very much a necessary follow if you enjoy this show and excellent commentary tbh.

@alastyearonearth — alfreddddd ✋🥺 (<- me putting my hand on the screen like the wives of soldiers at war do in dramatic movies)....... oh, alfred. if there's anyone i'm normal about, it's him 👍 (lies) (biggest lie i've ever told in my life actually) (my pants are currently on fire right now) (🚒🧯👨‍🚒 <- they're here to put me out). i feel like my feelings for him and his blog can be summed up by the fact that when i realized we both went on vacation at around the same time, i was ecstatic because that meant i wouldn't miss his posts. bdfhjbsdkj. he's one of the biggest brains and most generally knowledgeable people here, and it rocks my world every time he says anything. he has an appreciation for canon and the real people whose stories are represented within it that this fandom sorely, and ironically, lacks. also, while i'm on my fan behavior right now, allow me to admit that i would go through his blog sometimes for months before i finally put on my big kid pants and followed him. i'm very much not beating the parasocial allegations and tbh i think it's understandable bc Hello !!!! look at him!!!! (gesticulates wildly in his and his posts' direction). 10/10 would ruin my sleep schedule for him, submit myself to the torture of a 24hr flight for him, go on a museum marathon together, and slather myself in superglue right before hugging him so that we're stuck together forever afterward. necessary follow for anyone that likes to not get pissed off when they log on and enjoys canon, esp will. alfred please can we hang out please alfred whenever you're free please if you'd like to hang out can we please hang out when you are free ple—

@motherthroat — you know that andrew garfield "(you didn't know me at thirteen) i really wish i had" quote? it applies here, because i so wish i'd met him last summer. liking canon will, mike, and byler used to be so lonely and frustrating, but now it isn't anymore and that's largely because of him. if you haven't caught on by now, i like following people that are very frank, and mori's no different. he's not afraid to be bold either. i love his art, his AUs, and his takes. he's funny, treats you the way you treat him, and has a great eye for aesthetics. well. a great eye in general, i think. not to get #deep (or repetitive), but i think he sees more than he lets on, and it really comes out in his art, his headcanons, his interpretations, and the way that he speaks to people. he remembers things and really ponders them. there's a kind of carefulness there that i admire as someone with as much grace as a bull in a china shop. just a cool cat, really.

@cosmobrain00 — MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAX! (screamed the same way that will screamed for mike on halloween night). they're literally so talented that it's not even funny anymore. like, their writing is next level and the fact that we can read it for free (wtf!!!!) feels like a crime. their art is so pleasing to look at and i love their style so much. their thoughts on this show and these characters are superb, too. so passionate, so kind, and so loving—and it shows in everything they do. it's always a good time whenever they decide to share their two cents and spit some divine wisdom on us plebs, so i definitely recommend everyone check them and their content out!

@drangues — arush is literally [starts snarling and hissing and snapping and howling at the moon and other cuteness aggression-related things]. sorry, i meant to say he's so bhjfbkdsjhfbdks grrrrrrrr bark bark bark awooooooooo. just unbelievable. unreal. the blueprint. he's my cousin and my friend and my son and my stinkie squishie and also my greatest enemy and bully (he's only consented to two of these, but they're still true). seriously... arush is SO funny. his headcanons are wonderful and #real, his artwork is insanely good and creative and colorful, he's so sweet and silly, and thoughtful and merciful, too. just !!!!!! squishing his face in all ways except physical right now. if you're not following arush drangues then you deserve to get sent straight to the scorpion pit, i feel.

@givehimthemedicine — effortlessly hilarious, kind, bright, and oh so talented in a variety of ways, both creatively and intellectually. and they have the nerve to make it look easy!! like wtf!!! they're also the most likely to drop the most insane observations ever and act like they didn't just change the trajectory of your life forever. pure insanity, i say. they're my favorite blog outside of the byIer bubble and their el's first haunted house post is easily in my top three and i still giggle over it.

@mikeandwillel — when sandy speaks, i listen and take notes. simple as that. a true mike understander and knower. she's posted wonderful analyses on many topics, all of which are super concise, text-based, and show a thorough understanding of storytelling. i love hearing her thoughts on this show and her interpretation of things. i'm especially excited to see what she thinks once we start getting s5 crumbs! oh, and she also posts great edits! :D

@aemiron-main — if loving em is wrong, then i don't wanna be right. if it becomes illegal tomorrow, then call me el because my ass is going to jail asap. he's one of the kindest, funniest, most genuine people on this website. he's always open to discuss things, look at them from a different angle, and share his knowledge. i can't even say that he treats people the way they treat him, because he treats them a lot better. if anything, he's extremely merciful and forgiving lol. he has a wealth of knowledge on a multitude of subjects, an extremely keen eye, and seemingly endless creativity / an open mind. literally a modern day sherlock, but much cooler. also very resilient and tough. and an outstanding artist, too! (what can't he do, sheeeesh!). he's written analyses on what feels like everything about the show at this point, so i'd definitely recommend going through those if you haven't already.

[eclipsecrowned]

objectivism before autism. sources before vibes. logic before character shilling.

i don't think i can abide those rules but let's try.

so first off on a grand scale, nothing he has done is any worse than our heroes? there's this soldier who is the pawn of a malignant figure of power killing indiscriminately out of a misplaced sense of moral superiority. am i talking about bl*ckthorn era d*linar, or canon era m0ash? both are running around carving down opposition and serving a force of evil riding on a campaign of helping 'his' people. everyone loses, but especially the soldier loses his personhood. the only difference is how pre-war rank defines each man's narrative to me -- d*linar is upholding a system that in turn benefits him, m0ash is a deeply, humanly flawed desire to tear down those same power structures. they can parallel, b-money just won't let them.

my second point is basically the thesis statement of the series: no one is beyond help. people choose every day to be better. healing is a journey. we already see my man having the sort of deep conscience-grappling trauma that defines d*linar and k*ladin, especially after the tower. we see him holding back where he can go absolutely unhinged otherwise, despite his clear apathy. there's still a part of the man within the machine, and i think that's pivotal. people can make choices. people can stop, can reach out, can say 'never again.' we see it over and over again in the series. accountability paving the way to a brighter future.

also, loving others seems to be a large requisite to this, probably highlighting how important support is to those trying to be better irl. d*linar cries because his son cannot hate him, despite the horrific things he's done and how he's hated that boy in turn. k*ladin has his love for his men, and the true desire to protect those around him. m0ash is mostly unchained, but he's still got that link to his former captain, and sweet jesus, his response to what happened to t*ft -- point is, i think it can play out without feeling totally out of left field 'no m0ash-kun is good guy now and wants to defend konohathiru with narudin-kun.'

there's also something to how he responded to r*narin dealing psychic damage with 'and here's what you could have been if you had fully baked a single idea in your life.' i keep coming back to it. there's something brewing there.

as for how i think it will happen... listen, i make the m0ashsuke jokes all the time, ask my discord buddies, but i don't think this ends with him welcomed back into the fold. it'd be cheap somehow but would not surprise me if the author did go the route of 'no he's cool with the system now and is going to come back and be a good guy,' because he's so opposed to the system of his society that he turned kingslayer. i am a firm proponent of 'shit is going to get worse at the duel.' i also think this will be his redemption.

one idea i've floated is that it's going to come down to m0ash, the fleeing masses, and a man making a choice. maybe it's no longer about tearing down those in power, maybe these are innocent darkeyes like his family. maybe this is everything he didn't want when he started dreaming of making a stand. maybe he registers there is no better system waiting. so he does his part to strike against the other side as hard as he did against the kh0lin. one last dance. he might go down a folk hero, the former br*dgeman who stood up for his people against the encroaching dark. he doesn't go down having apologized or with the chance to see where this goes, but he dies having at least made his own decision and not being anyone's pawn, and in that becomes a complicated figure rather than a strictly villainous one.

i also like the somewhat fringe theory of 'new 0athpact' and that our r*diant protags are going to be a man short to hold 0dium back for the next 15 years -- and m0ash digs his blade into the ground before them. accountability. he killed a her*ld. he'll make up for this, and make a choice for himself. he's spited one corrupt leader, and he's happy to do it again. take him with them. he doesn't beg forgiveness or admit he was wrong -- he just balances the scale he tipped into chaos.

i don't know if this is what i will get, admittedly. personally, i think m0ash has some points, and stand by if he had a bit better sense/patience, if he was able to more critically parse his intent in getting revenge, he'd be a menace to the kh0lin as the sort of revolutionary the people sorely need. i just don't know that the author agrees with me. doubtless of m0ash does get one last stand or similar, he'll go in k*l's arms apologizing for all that he's done, bleeding and begging k*l to help their people. do what he couldn't -- what he was too blind to see.

but honestly i want an unrepentant but wiser m0ash making his own way, to whatever end, instead of constantly caught in the gears of machines far older than he is. if he has to apologize, have it be to people he hurt, not systems he's lashing out at -- hey prince sorry for the lifelong trauma of witnessing your father's death, hey man that i love i'm sorry i drove you to literal breaking point despite knowing better, etc, etc.

[star4daisy]

Wife on her duty as a perfect wife i'm!

For the asking game, babe. Give me what i need... 3, 4, 14, 17, 19, 30, 35, and 43 (even tho i already know the answer).

Lov u sfm🖤

omg it was a joke luv <3

3. Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

I'm the worst person to answer this I have no process sometimes I plan everything out and then write based on that and actually do what I planned, most times the characters take life and change everything and I keep trying to go back to the original plan and sometimes can still fit some things, usually not lol when I have time I just go with the flow and then if I'm interrupted I have to write down what I want to happen next otherwise I will not remember when I open the docs again, on the good days I write without actually thinking about it so I don't remember it well just feels like my fingers can't type fast enough lol very automatic

4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

(I think I've answered this before in a better way) everywhere, things come to me at the most random times, usually when I'm daydreaming before falling asleep, sometimes by other books, tv shows or music but mostly it just feels like I spent six years of my life repressing my creative side so I could do physics and calculus so now that I'm letting it loose it's running wild lol

14. how do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

I don't write emotional scenes, I can't do emotional or vulnerable therefore neither can my characters which is why I mostly write from Barty/Evan's pov lol it's a different type of emotional I guess I have a dificulty in making my characters say I love you, I just cringe so badly. I don't feel what they feel at all lol and the only personal experience would be from emotions like anger

17. What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

inspiration never lacks the problem is the lack of time, but when things aren't flowing I stop and go watch something, read or go to the gym until my mojo comes back

19. What is the most-used tag on your ao3?

Morally Ambiguous Characters and Graphic Depictions of Violence

30. Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished?

sometimes I just post the draft lol I cannot re-read things before posting so the first few people reading are definetly getting screwed over sorry, but then I feel the pressure of having people seeing all my mistakes and it forces me to go polish it

35. What is one essential thing to remember when writing a villain?

question what are his motives and why did he chose that path and maybe not make him one-dimensional like his whole purpose isn't just to go against the hero, make him compelling, make us believe in why he chose that path make us understand him and feel sorry for his motivations, I always like that lol

43. Do you take a sadistic joy in whumping your characters, or are you more the "If you hurt them I would kill everyone and then myself" kind of person?

Definetely the first, I'm very disattached to death, I have cried in very few fics and it's not when people die lol sometimes living is more painful so I never expect people to say they cried and when they do I'm always in shock

thx <3 I thought this was gonna be harder lol but maybe I just didn't answer as I should lol

[scribe-of-stories]

15 Questions 15 Mutuals

Rules: Answer the questions as yourself or as an OC of your choice

The always friend shaped @vicstmichael tagged me, and you can read her lovely post here.

I'm going to be answering for both myself and Lexical's oldest OC, Samuel. (I'll be responding like this) meanwhile Sam like this.

The lightest of tags towards: @sunset-a-story @squarebracket-trick @valanke @pure-solomon @captain-kraken annnnd I know it says to tag 15 people but I've got other tag games so I'm going to save some mutual. Alternatively if 10 more individuals could do this so I don't become cursed that'd be grand.

1. Are you named after anyone?

I think I was named after one of my grandfathers, who was named after some biblical character. Someone who broke pillars? Or was that another guy? (To shorten a long story: Sam predates Lexical and is technically two older characters mixed together. One was an unplayed FATE character named Smith of Masks, who was a spooky manakin looking monster that was also a journalist. It wrote under the pen name "Sam Smith" as a loose reference to it's acronym [SoM] and the generic last name Smith [which was also already part of its name]. The other was a short story I wrote over on Reddit, but that has little to do with the name.)

(Meanwhile I was named after a Frenchman in space. Or two books of the bible. I claim the former, but my religious [secretly trekkie] parents claim the later.)

2. When was the last time you cried?

I don't know, not like I keep track of these things. Probably the last time I had a bone broken. (It was when Ashley gave him his birthday gift).

(Last night I was meditating and talking to myself and we felt emotional. It was a good cry.)

3. Do you have kids?

Biologically no, but there is a worryingly growing group of young and wyrd individuals that I keep either saving or having over for dinner. I, uh, well they know what they mean to me. I think.

(Nope, not yet at least. That said I had been working in some form of child care most of my career life.)

4. Do you use sarcasm?

I would Never do such a thing. Words have power after all, imagine if I didn't mean what I say. (See: Umbra wyrdling)

(All the time, though usually for me it walks the fine line between sarcasms and lying/gaslighting as a bit. I never let it go too far though, and only do it over un-important topics.)

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

How many limbs they have. Jokes aside, how they are presenting themselves: they way they walk, talk, stand, etc. Got worse/more noticeable recently.

(Usually their hair. I'm slightly face blind and find myself relying on the hair/dress of people I only slightly know to recognize them.)

6. What's your eye color?

It changes, but I think I was born with blue eyes? Can't exactly remember.

(Very Brown.)

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings any day of the week. Love me some sappy romance where everyone's just content at the end. Besides I see enough horror in my work life, don't want to bring that shit home. Hell it usually doesn't have trouble finding my house anyways.

(Both? Both is good. If I had to choose horror since I see that as being capable of exploring things a lot of fiction can't, but I wouldn't want everything I consume to end with "then everyone was bound to super hell for eternity".)

8. Any special talents?

Surviving things that should have killed me. My more magically inclined friends have taken to referring to me as a "Community College Wizard" so I guess I've got that going for me too.

(I've been told I'm a divergent thinker, so I think that's special. Also I'm fairly good at most video/board games. Might be linked, idk?)

9. Where were you born?

Dalas, Texas. Don't intend on going back any time soon though.

(South Carolina, though I moved to Kentucky before I started being old enough to remember things.)

10. What are your hobbies?

Reading. I've got this lovely pile of shitty novels I collect that I'm slowly working through. No rhyme or reason to what's in them, just slowly bought them on discount from local book stores. Romance is my favorite genre.

(Games, I love games. TTRPGs, video games, tabletop/board games. Anything with a rule system that I can learn and play with in unique ways. I'm usually drawn to things that are turn based, but the video game I have easily put the most time into would be Warframe. Also, uh, writing.)

11. Have you any pets?

I've got a half dozen Wyrdlings I have to babysit and at least 2 minor thought entities living in my house. Yes I consider all of them effectively Pets.

(Not currently, but I used to have a turtle named Ruto.)

12. What sports do you play/have played?

Used to place baseball back when I was a kid, but that fell off when I graduated.

(Back when I was a child my parents had me try nearly every form of sports there was. None of them stuck, and I never joined a school related team.)

13. How tall are you?

It changes, or at least I suspect it does. Around 5'8 last I checked but I swear I'm getting shorter.

(5'10)

14. Favorite subject in school?

Took a semester of forensics back in high school. It was taught by a couch who was just reading a chapter ahead of the class, but the topic was fascinating.

(Psychology/Philosophy in that order. I didn't properly start learning either till I was in college. Got some regrets that I didn't take more than 1 philosophy course; even more upset that I only ever took 1 writing course.)

15. Dream job?

What I'm doing now: private investigating. Though in a perfect world I'd deal with a few less monsters on a daily basis. I guess it's more interesting then just spying on people from inside a car. Some days I miss not knowing about the Wyrd; but other days balance it out.

(Still trying to figure that out. Ended my career as a behavioral therapist a while ago [moral/stress issues] and kinda now figuring out what I actually want to do. Would have said being a Therapist a while ago but I'm not sure.)

[cowboyhorsegirl]

my eyes spy a character opinion ask game, so you know what im here to do.

i want the opinions™ on the emh!avengers 👀

(or just tony, and 2 other characters of your choice if the avengers is too many characters.)

thank you so muchhhhhh for the ask! :D

i started trying to answer this by narrowing down which 3 characters to put up on the bingo board and you can clearly see how well that went jfkdsljfdfk

Tony Stark

EMH!Tony characterization AND character design is so fucking *clenches fist* just!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know i've talked about EMH!Tony specifically at length before but unfortunately the words simply aren't coming to me right now to describe how much i like him (I like him so, so much). One thing I will say is that I miss the way his nose looked in the first episode before they finished yassifying his character design. He still looks great after they change it, but S1E1 "Iron Man Is Born!" Tony is my desi king and i adore him <3

Steve Rogers

I love EMH!Steve so much, I feel like of the multiversal Steve's, this Steve is much more self-assured, specifically in the period of time immediately after he is found in the ice by the Avengers. His character design took some getting used to, but honestly by the end of S1, he had fully won me over to the point where I no longer feared for the structural integrity of his top-heavy weight distribution and actually liked how Shaped he is.

This Steve is a bastard who's first name is Malicious and last name is Compliance, and we love him for it. I adored how you could see him actively loosening up around the other Avengers as he spent more and more time with them. The difference between Steve just out of the ice and Steve at the end of S1 is so palpable and it's incredibly satisfying to see him come into himself more as he adjusts to the future and to his team.

My only complaint is while i was enthralled by the [REDACTED] story arc, I'm still very salty about the fact that Steve is basically MIA for like. half a season :/ which considering the whole show only lasted two seasons is upsetting :(

Janet Van Dyne

I actually managed to pull together some coherent thoughts about Jan here, but the long and short of it is that I love her I'd marry her I'd die for her I'd kill for her she's a bestie she's my ride or die she's so high maintenance she's got terrible taste in men she's got incredible taste in women she keeps tissues in her purse but she never cries in public.

Her character design.... literally what is there to say? Perfection, perfection, perfection, *chef's kiss*, absolutely not a single note because she is flawless.

I also have a very soft spot for scenes in which her teammates protect her from huge explosions while she's Wasp-sized <3 <3 They all care about her so much and she's so fierce and competent but it's also so lovely to see her teammates having her back when she needs it :')

Bruce Banner

Honestly EMH!Bruce Banner is my favorite iteration of Bruce Banner/Hulk that I've seen yet. I really really really really appreciate how, even though Hulk has comedic moments, his character is not reduced to comic relief. And I loved how the show portrayed Hulk's and Bruce's relationship with each other, the way they're both distinct personalities who are both good people that ultimately want the same things (acceptance, the chance to do & be good in the world) while also being caught in this struggle to balance power and control between them that sometimes catches them at odds with each other. Extremely compelling stuff.

I love both of their character designs separately. I also love how both of them interact with other people, namely Clint. EMH S1 especially is rife with bruceclint fodder if you're interested in that ship!

Dr. Doom

Oh my god, what's NOT to love about EMH!VVD???? Truly, EMH is Victor Von Doom's world and we're all just living in it. He has such a commanding presence in the (sadly few) scenes that he's in, and I love how whatever the Avengers/Fantastic Four are doing is always incidental to what he's got planned. Like, yeah, he gets that they're trying to stop him but he truly could not care less about it and that's so hot of him.

My headcanon is that every single character in EMH has a daddy kink for Dr. Doom and NO i am not projecting and if i were what of it? Mind your business.

Hank Pym

Now Hank... Hank is a tough one. I don't think it's any secret that I despise him, and for all of S1 and most of S2 that was very true. The problem with Hank is that politically, I fuck with him the hardest, but unfortunately for him I do not watch animated children's TV shows from the early 2010s to get my politics validated. And unfortunately for ME, EMH made the character who has the best politics also the most annoying motherfucker in the series. *spits*

But the thing is, Hank makes a very intense about-turn in characterization somewhere in the middle of S2. Basically, what happens is that at the beginning of EMH, Hank is Ant-Man, some time in late S1/early S2 (I can't really remember whoops!), Hank stops being Ant-Man and it's all very angsty of him, and then the big characterization change happens when Hank is revealed to have created a new superhero persona by the name of Yellowjacket.

All of this mostly makes sense in canon, but even so it's kind of jarring, which is almost 100% due to the fact that the creators of the show knew they only had like 3/4ths of a season left to tie up all the loose plot threads as best they could. Because of this, the show ended before I could really see how New-And-Improved Hank deals with a lot of the personal, interpersonal, and professional conflicts that plagued him during S1, which would have been really fun to see and to judge if he really had changed as much as it seemed like he had. It's all very interesting. IDK how I feel about it.

I also want to say that, even though I (mostly) can't stand Hank and I desperately love Jan, Jan and Hank together is a terrible, terrible couple and it's not all Hank's fault either. Hank doesn't trust Jan's autonomy and capabilities in the field. Jan doesn't respect Hank's scientific endeavors and professional passions. Both of them fundamentally disagree on the roles and responsibilities of superheroes in society. It's a mess. I like to believe that if the show hadn't been cancelled, there would have been an arc of Tony and Jan dating each other in order to make both of their real romantic interests jealous, which would have at least made all this back and forth worth it, but alas. Alas...

[atanx]

Just finished Yakuza 3 so here's some of my thoughts:

BEAUTIFUL EYES

Richardson and Kiryu talking at each other in different languages was so funny to me. Like they don't understand each other yet stubbornly keep talking as if they did XD

RIKIYA DYING WAS SO UNNECESSARY FOR THE PLOT WHYY like Kiryu has GOT to get rid of his stupid habit of leaving defeated enemies to their devices around various lethal objects (especially guns). Because they always, ALWAYS get back up. I'm not saying he should kill them. But like secure them in SOME way. Start carrying around some rope or something. I'm not ashamed to admit that I cried.

Damn, Mine, babygirl, you are so beyond fucked up you need therapy BAD

Poor Daigo like imagine getting shot, being in a coma and you wake up on a rooftop in fucking december, toes freezing off, falling off of a hospital bed and immediately being greeted with the sight of several gun wielding assholes. You shoot them, still confused about what's going on (why tf is your father-figure of sorts there? Why is the dude u wished was ir boyfriend there? WHY ARE THEY SHIRTLESS AND BLOODY). Then ur crush starts spouting cryptic shit, the dude you shot somehow still has fight in him and to save you, your crush charges at him, getting shot multiple times and then tells you that he doesnt deserve to live before throwing himself off the roof. You've been awake for three minutes.

Also Haruka slapping Mine was EPIC. She should have kept going, kicked Mine in the shin, bitten his arm etc all feral foaming-at-the-mouth chihuahua mode

Also Mine feeling good about himself for having slapped a teen back. A grown ass adult. Like damn dude has issues

I'm stilk very upset about Rikiya. Like one moment I would run away from him in the Kamurocho streets and giggle with a warm feeling in my chest when he'd scream "ANIKII!!" and then the next he fell victim to this stupid gimmick of defeated opponents not being taken care of properly

I honestly feel like that gimmick is so overdone at this point

I think I did something wrong during the final boss battle because Mine was constantly going into this Jojo's bizarre adventure pose and regenerating health AND I had to do like the exact same QTE cutscene like four times even though I never failed it (besides the first time)

RIGHT I ALMOST FORGOT my steam screenshot folder is prob like 90% just various Majima facial expressions because I enjoyed them so much. Reminds me of that post going like "while older character models are kinda eh Majima's crowfeet in them slap!" and I really agree. I'm playing the games chronologically and when I got to YK2 something about Majima just looked extremely off but I couldn't put my finger on it. I think that's it tho they ironed him out and took away his wrinkles :(. Like obvs the model is still good it was just a weird change that I'm not sure why they implemented it. Anyway the Y3 Majima expressions are fucking precious especially the grins

Also pink truck scene probably best scene in the game it was so cute the way Majima was worried that he accidentally ran over Kiryu <3

I took way too long to finish this game because the old graphics are kind of jarring especially considering I played Judgement and Lost Judgement at the same time, but it was still a pretty good game. (another contributing factor was that for some reason the game doesn't allow me to do anything else on my PC besides access the taskbar while I'm playing it so taking short breaks is harder. The game literally does not allow for any apps to show up on screen) I'd really like a YK3 I think that would be epic especially to get an updated Rikiya model (I think there's an updated Mine model in Ishin? Idk anyway just more modern graphics would be really cool)

I can continue with Y4 now, which I'm really excited for because I've hears quite a bit of stuff about Akiyama and Saejima and this will be like the first proper contact with them and their storylines. I've actually started Y4 already and Akiyama has major cat energy to me

[devildom-drabbles]

I have come with Angst, because I have listened to “two birds on a wire” way too much. So what if Mc came into Devildom with a younger sibling that loved mc more than anything/anyone parents included. Like how do you think Belphie would react to finding out that the human they just killed had a younger sibling that viewed them as the world.

Oof. This concept really hurt to think about, but it's also very interesting. I do think that Belphegor's thoughts after killing MC would be quite different if their sibling was present, so I've got a mini story to properly answer your request. Enjoy! =)

Story - Everything

Main Characters: Belphegor, MC and their sibling Other Characters: The demon brothers

Word Count: 959

Warnings: Angst; mentions of blood and death

Note: SC = sibling character/the sibling’s name

Belphegor stood at the foot of the steps in the entrance hall, staring down at his work with a satisfied grin. He was finally free from the attic thanks to the naive human who laid before him, broken and bleeding after their fall down the stairs, but his hatred for humanity was what brought MC to this pitiful state. But it wouldn’t end here, Belphegor decided. Now that he was out, the rest of humankind would suffer a similar fate by his hands for what their existence had done to Lilith.

Within seconds, the rest of the demon brothers had rushed onto the scene upon having heard the commotion. They gazed between Belphegor and MC’s body in shock, with Mammon being the only one amongst them to hurry over to MC to cradle them in his arms and desperately try to keep them awake. Belphegor watched his brothers’ different reactions as they struggled to figure out what was going on and if they could save MC. All these concerned expressions over a mere human? MC couldn’t have truly become that important to his brothers in the short time they knew them, right? Why would a human as foolish as them be important to anyone?

Suddenly, from behind the clustered brothers, another body squeezed through to the front. Their meek voice cut into the chaotic scene, capturing everyone’s attention. “MC…?”

Another human? Belphegor didn’t know about them, since MC never mentioned it and always came alone when they spoke with him in the attic.

“SC…” some of the brothers muttered worriedly. Everyone outside of the attic knew about the younger sibling of MC who had managed to appear with them when they were summoned into the Devildom. They refused to leave MC’s side even when Diavolo offered to send them back to the human world, so they had joined the exchange program as well and stayed with MC and the demon brothers in HoL. Although they never made pacts with the brothers like MC did, they still had become like family to all of them.

The brothers stood aside as SC cautiously stepped toward their older sibling’s bloody figure, their own body trembling uncontrollably. They collapsed onto their hands and knees once they were next to MC. Their vision was blurred with tears as they looked for signs that MC was still alive. Everyone in the room stayed silent, allowing SC to have their moment with the person they cherished most.

MC’s eyes weakly looked over their sibling. They wanted to reach their hand up to wipe SC’s tears and say something reassuring, but they didn’t have the strength. Their mind was becoming increasingly hazy, and it was becoming harder for them to stay conscious. When SC grabbed their hand to check for a pulse, the best MC could do was gently wrap their fingers around SC’s grip.

That’s when SC let out their pained sobs. “Don’t go, MC!! Stay with me, please!! Don’t die!! Don’t die!! Please!!” Their screaming only grew worse as MC’s grip loosened.

No one dared say anything or get any closer. They already knew what was going to happen, and there was nothing they could do about it. SC’s cries echoed through the house even after MC had gone completely limp.

Meanwhile, Belphegor was studying this new human as they cried over MC’s corpse. There were only supposed to be two human exchange students in the Devildom: Solomon and MC. Where had this human come from? Who were they, and why were they so attached to MC? It wasn’t long before he began to notice similarities between theirs and MC’s appearance.

Could they be…?

Before he could speak, SC suddenly stood up and directed their gaze at him, their eyes full of hate. The demon brothers recognized this type of grief-stricken expression SC displayed, having seen it in each other long ago, especially from the youngest brother. Realizing what was going to happen next, it was Beelzebub who immediately ran over to hold the human back from lunging at Belphegor.

“Why?! Why did you kill MC?!” SC wailed at Belphegor, kicking and clawing frantically in the air like a ferocious restrained animal. “What did they ever do to you?! MC was nothing but kind! They only ever wanted to help! They were so wonderful! They-- They were--”

SC squeezed at the material on Beelzebub’s jacket sleeves. They sucked in a sharp breath and resumed through gritted teeth, “They were my sibling. They were my family.”

Belphegor’s eyes widened with shock at this confirming piece of information. SC’s words and rage resonated with him, reminding him of the many outbursts he had involving Lilith. Beelzebub had held him back those times as well, and he gradually began to visualize himself in SC’s place.

“They were everything to me,” SC declared, “and you took them away like they were nothing.”

The youngest demon brother felt like he couldn’t breathe. He unconsciously moved backward and lost his balance when his heel collided with the bottom step. He had accomplished the first step of his mission, having gotten revenge on just one human for what the existence of their race had done to Lilith. He was proud before, but now…

Why?

Why did he suddenly feel the same as he did when he watched Lilith plummet to her death in the Great Celestial War? This choice he had made was supposed to make him feel better. However, in the face of this heartbroken human who had lost someone as dear and innocent to them as Lilith was to him, he no longer viewed himself as an avenger for his precious sister. In reality, he was no different than those in the Celestial Realm who had sentenced her to death.

[linkspooky]

Hey there, thanks so much for sharing your "Todorokis and Shimuras" meta post! What do you think will happen going forward with the Todorokis? I was thinking they're heading for a reconciliation with Touya but I'm not sure how that's possible because they still haven't really "seen" him.

It's interesting to say his family still hasn't really "Seen Him" especially since lately, despite his family agreeing to search for him, he's nowhere to be found. Even when they remember him, they always see a distorted image. It's almost as if they're still not looking at the "real" Dabi, whatever that might entail.

Before I start I'd like to clarify this is my personal interpretation, and I read Dabi differently from a lot of common fandom sentiments in two regards.

1) I've never seen Dabi just going back to the Todoroki family, and like going to live with them as the ideal ending of Dabi's plotline. Just because the Todoroki family dynamic never included Toya, to begin with. That is essentially the problem, Toya was always the family problem, he's still seen as the problem. I know that Dabi coming back would be good for the Todoroki family dynamic because it's impossible to heal when one of the family members is straight-up dead and nobody can talk about what happened to him, but would it be good for Dabi?

For me, Dabi's plotline is he's fixated on the idea that if his quirk was strong enough, he still thinks that he would have gotten his father's attention. Not only does his family around him still treat him like he's the problem for reacting the way he did to being outright ignored his whole life, but Dabi himself has internalized that he is also the reason. That's why he plays the villain to his father's hero, that's why he suggests he's going to burn in hell and there's no pathway forward for him. For Dabi, he will always be the problem, because of what he was born as, and there's no fixing that. Yet, still, he tries to fix it and earn the attention of his family, even now when his motivations have shifted from trying to be the hero his father wanted to be, to trying to be the villain to the whole family. Insanity is trying to do the same thing over and over again expecting a different result, and Dabi's particular insanity is that he thinks if he keeps rebelling he'll eventually get the thing he wants from his family around him, and he just won't.

Generally, characters don't get what they want. They call this a want/need conflict. Toya thought if his father had just come to Sekoto Peak that day, things would have been fixed between him and his father but they wouldn't have because it's oversimplifying a big family problem. Toya thinks if he had just trained his quirk to be strong enough his father would have acknowledged him and he would have gotten what he wanted, but that wouldn't have solved the problem in the first place that Enji only ever had a kid because he wanted to train up a hero not because he wanted to love that child.

For me, the plotline makes more sense if Dabi doesn't get what he wants because I don't think the family after like ten years of not talking about him, just finally giving Toya attention would fix anything. Not only is it too little too late, but the writing with the Todoroki family doesn't seem to be going in that direction. Toya is still the family problem, to everyone except maybe Shoto. None of them even seem particularly saddened by Dabi's suffering, just the loss of who Toya was, except for Shoto who cried after realizing he was Toya immediately.

That's interesting because it's actually a conflict. It's not something so simple as hugging it out. What Dabi needs, first and foremost, more than daddy's love is to be able to see himself as an individual. Dabi burns himself because he doesn't feel his own feelings, he kills people because those are endeavor's flames, the central issue with Dabi which makes him so lovably (to me) unfixable in the first place, is that his family's treatment of him has robbed him of all identity.

This is also the central problem with Shoto. Shoto cannot be a person, he cannot be a victim because he's too busy trying to be what everyone around him wants him to be, he's his father's heir, he's his mother's savior, he's his family hero. Shoto despite being the youngest takes all this on, and Dabi being his foil shows him this is bad behavior because trying to live up to the expectations of everyone around you, not being allowed to just be a child, is inherently destructive to your identity. Shoto will not solve his own problems by being a hero, the same way Dabi cannot solve his problems by being a villain.

Besides, I've always thought that found family trumps biological family. Toya obviously needs some sort of recognition from his family to move past the hurt inflicted on him, and he deserves to be saved by Shoto but insisting he has to go back to the biological family that ignored him this whole time... I still don't understand why that's entirely necessary for his character.

2) I always saw the league as being Dabi's savior, and his place to return to.

If there is a consistent flaw to Dabi's behavior so far that would give him a character arc (besides the whole murdering people) is his continual refusal of the league's dynamic. Once again, the fact that it's not so simple as just Dabi being fixed by going back to his family, or finding a new family. They key word with Dabi's character is damaged, he's so damaged that there is right in front of him a group of people who would accept him exactly for who he is. The league shows him the unconditional love and acceptance that he needed when he was younger.

It's the league who checks if Dabi's burns are okay. It's the league that saves him. It's the league that offers him trust. Dabi basically never plays along to the group dynamic, and Compress, Toga, they still treat him like a team member. Dabi says fuck you I don't care about your backstory to his face, and Shigaraki still allows Dabi to go off on his own and use the Noumus for his own desire. Toga, the most self-absorbed of the league is concerned when Dabi is pushing himself, Compress who states he believes that they're just selfish, egotistical villains who gathered by accident tells Dabi to be careful with how he uses his powers when Toga yelled in her face "I don't care what happens to Toga" after she left, he was still considered worthy of being saved by Compress afterward. Twice was unrelentingly friendly to Dabi no matter what he said. Dabi has a family, a place he can belong to, but he just doesn't play along.

This behavior isn't Dabi just being tsundere or hiding his feelings. When he says he's just using the league, it's not entirely a lie, because that's probably how he sees it, that's what he's trying to convince himself it is. For the simple reason that Dabi is so damaged as an individual, he cannot accept the unconditional love the league offers, he cannot accept their trust. He has to view it as him using them because the way he was raised in his family these things just don't click to them.

Not only is it a flaw, but it's also a flaw that has consequences. If Dabi had simply told Twice that he was only using Hawks, and not to trust him, Hawks and Twice never would have gotten close in the first place. Dabi is not at fault for Twice's death as Hawks' killed him, but also it's a plot consequence for Dabi's central flaw which is to refuse the truth of everyone around him and play manipulative mastermind. If he had simply trusted Twice enough to tell him about his agenda, it all could have been avoided, but it's too late. Dabi did not kill Twice, but he also cannot save him, because he's still lying to himself about what he wants.

So like I said, what Dabi needs is not what he wants. What he needs is to become an individual, outside of the revenge he wants against Endeavor. There are people who already see him as an individual but Dabi as he is cannot accept that. Instead, he keeps trying the thing which does not work, playing mastermind on his own and refusing the league, even when that thing has been shown to have disastrous consequences, Twice's death.

So a lot of people theorize that at some point Dabi will reach a breakthrough with the league, and that has been my ideal theory for a while too. Especially since the league has fallen to pieces, and the only ones left are Spinner, a possessed Shigaraki, and Dabi. If Spinner is the savior of the league as I theorized, then right now Shigaraki, and Dabi are the ones most in need of saving as they are still letting their abusive fathers dictate everything they do (Shigaraki literally in this case). The ideal next step in both of their arcs is coming to terms with themselves as individuals, outside of their father's influence.

Okay, that was a long rant but to TLDR just for the next step of my analysis:

1) I don't think Dabi is just going to go back to the Todoroki family after this is all over. 2) I think Dabi's real place of belonging is with the league as they are shown to be the only ones who already accept him for who he is, but Dabi also needs to change his behavior towards the league and go through a character arc first.

Okay, so now that all of that is clarified we return to answering your actual question. How is Dabi and the Todoroki family conflict going to be resolved if it still seems like none of them are looking at Dabi? I can't predict the future but I can try to analyze the writing we have for Dabi so far.

Dabi is clearly the scapegoat for his family, but there's also a lot of Jungian symbolism with his character, being the shadow of Endeavor's "light", the embodiment of the permanent harm that Endeavor has done that he can't be forgiven for. So let's look to Jung for the answer of what Dabi's current conflict with his family is, and with that, I bring up the idea of the ID monster, or the Jungian shadow.

Lurking behind our thin, rational facade is an impulsive demon. A demon that takes control of us, acts without thinking, and serves its own purposes regardless of the impact to our ultimate well-being. That demon is your id.

The ID Monster / The Jungian Shadow is a monster created by exactly what the protagonists are repressing. The more the protagonists repress their feelings, the more they refuse to look at it, the stronger the ID Monster grows.

What is Enji's first gut reaction upon waking up to the news that Toya is still alive as Dabi? Not that his son he had been searching for for years is back, and in need of help, but rather that he has unleashed a monster upon the world, a villain.

Even the way he remembers Dabi, looks like a monster, and this happens every time Dabi has panel time after this chapter. Whenever someone talks about him, we don't see his whole face, we see a distorted image, drawn to look especially monstrous. This reveals not only is Enji seeing the full picture of who Toya is, but also his initial gut instinct response is really telling the truth about Enji's priorities that he's been lying to himself about. His first reaction isn't "I need to help my son" but rather "I can't be a hero anymore after this."

The ID MONSTER confronts you with the truth that you refuse to acknowledge, and the more you refuse to look at it, the stronger the ID Monster grows. I know a lot of people were unsatisfied with the Toya flashback chapters, especially since they were from another person's perspective and not Toya himself, but let's assume this is done on purpose rather than just writing it off as 'bad writing'. Horikoshi probably has a goal in mind with all of his writing decisions, even if you don't agree with them so the best thing to do is try to look at that goal and speculate on it.

We know why Enji can't accept Dabi, his writing gets kind of ehhh, sometimes but his flaws as a human being are pretty consistent. Throughout the entire flashback chapter we are shown he prioritizes being a hero over his family, he only had a family in the first place to continue his legacy as a hero, when he's given a second chance he picks being a hero and going after AFO solo rather than focusing on Dabi. However, the rest of Toya's family actually had connections to him as an individual, Fuyumi was concerned about his burns, Natsuo was the one who always comforted him, Shoto was seperated from his sibligns and wanted to have a sibling connection with all of them. Why isn't the rest of the family happy that Toya is still alive, why do they continue to treat him like Dabi, a mosnter in need of stopping, and not Toya who is still suffering all on his own? I think it's because of the exact nature of the broadcast, what Toya confronts them is with the unvarnished truth.

They were never a family to begin with. Rei never wanted to marry Endeavor, she was simply living up to her family's expectations. She was okay with Fuyumi and Toya this is canonically stated fact, but she didn't want to keep having more children after that. Enji's motication for having children was never to have a family, but to produce an heir with two quirks.

The Todoroki household as a whole is an incredibly repressed place. The fact of the matter is in many ways they just weren't a family for years. They clearly wanted to be one. Rei wanted to be a good mother to Shoto and tried to protect him. Fuyumi tried to pick up the slack when her mother was gone. Being a family is what they want, but also their method of going about it is usually to just ignore the extremely fucked up elements of their family situation.

I don't think the entire family is responsible for what happened to Toya. However, I do think in a thematic sense the whole family does play into this dynamic where they all kind of ignore everything fucked up about their household and try to keep silent about it, except for Natsuo.

Rei was a good mother to one of her children, for awhile, and it seems like not only did Natsuo and Fuyumi grow up ignored by their father, there's an implication they never really connected with their mother.

This is what Toya directly confronts Rei with. That they aren't really a family, and words really won't fix that. They were never a family to begin with because Enji's priorities was always to birth a son with this perfect quirk. He states the truth that his mother might never have wanted to have him, and he doesn't even know why he was born, and Rei when confronted with that choice sees him as especially monstrous. Rei chooses to repress and look away from the choose, the ID MONSTER grows worse.

We know the reason why Rei is incredibly distant from her own children, she sees Endeavor inside of them, and is fraid of them because they remind her of her primary abuser. Rei went along with this idea of having a family with Endavor, prompted to her by her parents, trying to satisfy both parties, and then continued to play along as the situation in the house got worse and worse. Rei isn't at fault for being abused in any sense of the words, but also her unwillingness to confront the actual problem in the house (endeavor) despite the fact she clearly knows the truth and the choice to fear her own children instead, to see them as anything like Endeavor, to fear Toya like she fears Endeavor and thus shrink away from him, that's still a character flaw.

The Rei and Nao parallels are pretty clear. I think it should be outlined that both of them did love their children and wanted to be good mothers, but ultimately couldn't be. Their actions can't save their children. Rei is in an extremely complex situation that we can't make black and white judgements from, but all Toya sees of Rei's situation, is that his mother won't look at him, that nobody in his family really wanted him. It was the same as when Kotaro beat Tenko in front of everybody and in the moment nobody had the courage to stop him. It doesn't matter if there's a reason why everyone was too afraid to confront Kotaro, all that matters to Tenko is that he's being beaten.

TAll that matters to Toya was that he was being neglected and that his problems weren't being addressed, and that's all that should matter because Toya is the child and not the adult in the situation.

I mean this is the metaphor I've always used for the situation, but letting Toya burn on that cliff that night simply because Enji couldn't walk up there and talk to his son, how is that different from say letting him starve to death?

Toya burns because neither parent wanted to take responsibility as parents, and the other children were too young to do anything. There are reasons Rei had trouble doing so and she's less guilty than Endeavor, but that doesn't change the fact that Toya burned to death.

What if it had been simply a matter of both parents forgetting to feed him, and Toya, as a child, was basically unable to feed himself and starved to death? In that case, the cause and effect of Toya's neglectful parenting become much more clear.

Is it as simple as going back to a happy family dynamic, when that dynamic never existed in the first place? When Rei and Endeavor so clearly failed as parents (to varying degrees Endeavor much much worse than Rei) considering one of their children died from neglect and their failure to provide? Toya's absence pretty clearly is meant to prevent this, Natsuo withholds forgiveness because of what happened to Toya which no one else seems to want to talk about. Toya's death is clearly described as the breaking point from the family, where any hopes of them somehow being able to recover their family dynamic kind of stopped and things only got worse from there.

It's interesting also how Toya and Tenko are complete opposites in their family dynamic. Tenko killed the rest of his family, Toya was the only one in his family who died, but his death pretty clearly shattered the idea of family togetherness. Toya's family survives him but twenty years later they haven't been able to recover from the wounds. Tenko's never forgiven his family or himself for what happened in the Shimura household, and he still carries their hands with him. He still hallucinates his father trying to beat him with his hand, and he still hallucinates his entire family trying to tell him who he is.

My point is I do think there is an underlying theme being set up that what is done to Toya is lasting and permanent, and also that Toya's family tendency is to simply look away from those wounds and play happy family, and try to forgive and move on in the name of that. Not only that, but that's a strategy that does not work.

The more you ignore the Id Monster, the more it rampages. As much as it looks like Endeavor has already been forgiven, there is a building plotline idea that there are things that should not be forgiven, and should not be ignored in order to continue playing happy family.

The idea that there are things Endeavor has to take responsibility for, rather than being forgiven for. Natsuo pretty much carries the torch on this front. If Shoto's willingness to forgive his father is a kindness, than Natsuo not forgiving his father, because he still wants to remember what happened to Toya and he thinks it isn't something they should just move on from, is also a kindness.

Toya always remembers the way he treated from his family, because that's his reality. He doesn't have the option of simply trying to forget and move on. He has to face the truth, because it's literally, burns on his face. When no one else wants to face that truth, in a thematic sense, Toya becomes the ID MONSTER, the more his family refuses to look at him, the more extremes he's pushed to in order to get them to see.

Unlike the Shimuras who are just dead, the Todorokis have the chance to do something about this situation, but I've always seen the best result not to reconcile and just be a happy family again, but to actively challenge and break the cycle of abuse. They have a second chance to help the family member most in need of help. If someone had sided with Tenko, over Kotaro, then Tenko's explosion would have never happened in the first place. Now, the Todorokis are given a chance to stop the cycle of abuse and realize that the victim this time is Toya, and the abuser is and always has been Endeavor, but that means an actual confrontation has to take place.

A confrontation with the truth. If we view it as this way, that the abusive family dynamic of the Todorokis is still in place, that Endeavor is forgiven because he has the power in the household, that Dabi is villainized for the same reason that Tenko is, because recognizing his victimhood would mean confronting the actual abuser, then that would mean the cycle needs to be stopped.

Like, how the villains are going to be saved is still up in the air, but I think the manga has done a good job so far of portraying the cycle of abuse getting worse and worse. When Toya hears his father telling him they need to look at him at the conference,he decides he's going to try even harder to hurt him now.

Toya is still ignored, his attempts to get his family's attention is pushed to further extremes. The cycle was not broken, and therefore it continues. Besides arguing the morality of saving the villains I think the manga does a much better job of showing it's simply not practical, every attempt to simply put a stop to Shigaraki without humanizing him or recognizing his victimhood simply makes him worse. Same with Dabi and the Todoroki family dynamic, the more they refuse to see him, the greater lengths he'll go to. If a giant broadcast exposing his flaws wasn't neough, and his direct attempts to kill Shoto and Endeavor didn't work, then imagine what he'll do next. From a simple practical standpoint, trying to do the thing that didn't work the first time, again, won't work the second time.

The definition of insanity is trying to do the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. SImply trying to stop Dabi, without seeing him as Toya, will just make Dabi more and more insane.

So returning to my original question and yours, how can they resolve the conflict if they refuse to look at Dabi. The answer is, they can't. Considering how Dabi is literally nowhere to be found, and his family still only sees him as monstrously as possible when he appears on panel, let's assume this is deliberate. Dabi cannot be found, because they aren't looking for him, not really.

This also makes sense in conjunction with the rest of the heroes actions. Jeanist even says "He's transformed completely into Dabi." Like he suffers from some sort of split personality disorder. Like there's nothing left of Toya inside of him. It's because they only see him as Dabi, the villain, they can't possibly conceive of the obvious motivations Dabi has behind his actions even though he literally spelled them out for them on national television.

They talk about him like Dabi is a completely separate being split down the middle, unlike us as the audience who can still see that Dabi still calls is family by the names he used to when they were children, that he still longs for their attention.

Now this is something that Shoto can learn from Deku, that villains in fact can be saved, or still remain victims. Deku already made the leap that no matter what Shigaraki has done, even if it's unforgivable, Shimura Tenko still resides inside of him, he's still a crying child. Shoto calls Toya "Toya-nii, and "Toya" and is the only one who has stopped entirely from referring to him as Dabi, but also I believe his use of "Stop" instead of "Save" means he hasn't quite made the leap yet. It's a character conflict, it's something he can learn from others. I don't think Shoto sees himself as enough of an individual, because he's too focused on being a hero because that is what he was raised to be, that he can actually, realize that what he wants is his brother back, or vocalize that realization.

Shoto is not the hero of the family, but a character with flaws, who is split down the middle between his desire to be a hero, and his desire to have a family, including a big brother he never really got to connect to. Not only does Shoto represent something that Toya never had which is the attention of both parents, Toya reflects something that Shoto never had which is the chance to be a normal child, with connections to both of his siblings, that Shoto never ever had until both siblings were already grown up. The abusive family dynamic is something that both of them equally on opposite extreme ends, and that probably is the reason why Shoto is motivated to save Toya, because he identifies with him, not because he's the hero of his family.

Shoto tries to see him, and he identifies with him, but both Shoto and Uraraka haven't made the jump that they could actually save their villain foils. So we have the family members who do not see him, the family members who try to see him, the other heroes who just completely ignore him, and I think this is where the league comes in.

As I've said before the only ones who have ever expressed any kind of semblance of concern that Dabi literally burns himself alive, is the league. It's true they only know him as Dabi, but even only knowing half of his identity they've shown more concern for him than any biological family member besides Shoto who expressed that even if Dabi kills him, he'll burn up in the flames too.

Shoto's contribution is just as important of course, but there is already people who were willing to accept Dabi when he was just plain Dabi, before they knew anything about him. Dabi has one family that sees him, but they don't know the full picture of who he is because one he won't tell them, and two he carries too much damage from his time as Toya. He has another family that knows everything about his past, but still doesn't see him. Dabi can live as himself among the league of villains damaged and all and be accepted, however, the love he was missing from the Todorokis is still obviously important to him as he still calls them by their names so he's in need of resolution on that front.

That's why I've always thought the answer wasn't so simple as Shoto saving Dabi, because one this entire plotline has been building the idea that one person saving everyone on their own is wrong, and two it neglects everything Dabi has built up with the league. Dabi has refused to play family with the league so far and that's a character conflict built up with his character in need of resolution. Which is why I think what really would save Dabi is not the Todoroki family coming together to save him, but the league cooperating with Shoto to some extent.

Just as I think for Shigaraki, Deku's willingness to recognize him as a victim in need of saving is going to play a part in saving him, I think ultimately the league will play a much bigger role. Dabi was Toya, but it's not all he is anymore, he's become Dabi and lived half of his life as Dabi, and I think he will continue to live on with both halves of himself recognized into a full individual rather than returning to his family, and returning to who he was before. The most important thing is Dabi learn to live with the trauma, and the heroes can show him that he can live, he can be saved, but they can't do the second part for him. It's not a matter of dragging Toya kicking and screaming back to the Todoroki family, but rather making him see himself as his own person, and realize what he wants to do next from there.

It also fits my idea that I don't think the league is going to be reintegrated into hero society, at the end, or even become heroes. I think they will simply be able to live on and hopefully live on with each other. Just like the heroes can create someone like Dabi through their neglect, the villains can save someone like Dabi by accepting him, and inspiring him to grow.

[redphlox]

Tenko's tears; Touya's wounded inner child

As I've mentioned before, crying serves various purposes, two of which include emotional regulation and forming social connections. Tears signal "I'm sad and I need help" and usually elicit concern from others. But, for Touya and Tenko, tears didn't fulfill these needs. When Tenko cried, the adults around him tried to distract him from his pain or change how he responded to his abuse instead of defending him or confronting his father Kotaro. They meant well, but in the end it didn't help Tenko and he felt alone. No one validated his pain; he was seen, but he wasn't helped. The same thing happened to Touya, who was seen crying, and crying, and crying, but his parents refused to acknowledge the root cause of his pain because it would mean facing their own mistakes. His tears, his cries for help, never got him the help he needed and never made him feel better.

Even as adults, Dabi and Shigaraki weren't listened to because they didn't display socially acceptable feelings such as sorrow or regret, and they weren't dealing with their trauma in a socially acceptable way, like crying. Shigaraki told Endeavor, in front of Deku and Bakugo, that heroes only hurt their families, but it wasn't until Deku saw a glimpse of Tenko that Deku decided Shigaraki was worth saving because little Tenko’s tears humanized him and made him relatable.

While this is a turning point in the manga, the way it came about insinuates that certain unspoken conditions exist that need to be filled before victimhood can be validated or someone is deemed worthy of help. Not everyone is equal, and not everyone's pain will be good enough in hero society. This warrants the questions the League of Villains keep asking: who are heroes here to save? Who is it that needs saving? Where do you draw the line? Are villains not people too?

This new plot point of Deku being moved by Tenko’s tears also brings into light how isolating and demonizing it is for Dabi not being physically able to cry. He compensates for this – because remember, crying regulates your emotions, and if you can’t cry you turn to other coping mechanisms for self-soothing – by telling himself and others that he doesn’t care about anything or anyone. He copes with his emotions by smiling and grinning, by not getting too attached. He takes an offensive approach through keeping a distance from people by insulting them and being rude. However, his quirk’s link to his emotions betrays him and exposes his true feelings: his flames became hotter after Twice died and his flames turned white while confronting Endeavor. Dabi, despite everything, still cares and feels deeply.

So, how is Dabi supposed to be seen and understood and saved if he can’t prove that he has feelings if he can't cry? Why would he even want to cry, since crying never helped him? All Touya did from the age of four was cry for help, literally, and yet he was ignored and neglected. It wasn't Shigaraki's words that moved Deku, it was the unintended display of emotion through crying, which is something Dabi can't do even if he wanted because his tear ducts are burnt as a result of being so heartbroken over his father not showing up to Sekoto Peak. The irony is ugly and upsetting to witness – overwhelming feelings of abandonment and worthlessness almost killed Dabi ten years ago and now, when the story implies he desperately needs to cry to be seen, he can't, and therefore he's still alone and will continue to be alone.

But wait – he cries tears of blood, doesn’t he?

I think that if he’s caught in a vulnerable place, if the right people (Natsuo) meet him or if he is finally validated and seen and understood (Shouto), those tears of blood would come out and he’d finally be eligible (as gross as that sounds) for salvation, for understanding, for sympathy like Shigaraki. Feelings serve as evidence to society that villains are human too, and Dabi must first be considered a human. It seems that salvation, like the attention Touya received from his father, is conditional. Touya's wounded inner child and status as an abuse survivor will be the ticket to his redemption IF he can be vulnerable and express his pain physically to the younger generation of heroes, because talking about his past hasn't helped and won't help. Even now, as noted in 304, people still weren't sure why he became a villain even though he literally explained why in his pre-recorded broadcast. Dabi, or his inner child, has to show evidence he is still emotionally suffering because his words won't suffice for society or heroes. Honestly, this framing is personally distressing and frustrating because it pushes a bad victim vs good victim mentality, especially in light of Rei commenting that Shouto, who she burnt and forgave her nonetheless, is their family's hero.

Don't get me wrong. Shouto has done nothing wrong to warrant this suffering, and I think it's great that Deku is determined to save everyone within his reach. This makes sense as his role as protagonist. With that said, it's unsettling to me how drastically different he's reacting to Shigaraki compared to how he responded to Dabi by comparing him to Endeavor and implying Dabi is worse for not trying to be better. Before anyone jumps down my throat, I know Deku intervened because he was worried about Shouto, and that Deku is 16 and young. My point is that the narrative and the writing is setting up a problematic view of victims by having the main character nitpick who deserves to be saved based on this societal construct that people must first qualify or prove themselves. Shigaraki shouldn't have had to show his trauma receipts or be relatable for Deku to want to save him. Shigaraki didn’t even expose his inner child on purpose – Deku caught a glimpse of that without Shigaraki’s intention.

Let me say this another way. Imagine if you had to present yourself as sympathetic to a firefighter, an ambulance worker, or a doctor before receiving their help. It would be unprofessional and highly unethical for these professionals to turn you down because you don't fit the image of someone who needs help, someone who's not "sick" enough, whose house isn't burning hot enough, whose injuries aren't "bad" enough. So why do heroes, as a group of public servants, have these unwritten rules and preconceived notions about what a victim looks like? I understand that people are more likely to provide services if you're nice to them (you catch more flies with honey, etc) and that everyone has biases etc, but this isn't a core value of the helping professions or public servants. It's unethical to discriminate and assign varying levels of care based on how someone treats you or others around them. People in need are people in need, and that's that.

As of now, it seems like the manga is on route to support the League's complaints by supplying evidence that their disillusionment with society isn't unfounded - even Twice, who died crying at the hands of a hero part of the older generation, was not considered a person before he was considered a villain. But maybe if he had come across a hero from the younger generation, someone who recognized his tears as human despite his criminal record, he wouldn't have met the fate he did. It seems that the older generation of heroes don't take tears or emotions into account, which is why Tenko and Touya were shrugged off. But the younger generation will go out of their way to help anyone who needs help, but only if they prove themselves or make themselves sympathetic.

[sleeping-on-cracking-ice]

omg I love your work very much! You write really great and it's a pleasure to read you. I have a small request, if it's possible. I've never read this before so why write a one-shot (or series?) with a reader pregnant with chishiya ? (pleassse) With this news, it becomes extremely protective with the reader. Thank you so much !!

Yeah sure! Here you go! ❤

Trying My Best | Shuntaro Chishiya

{Alice In Borderland Masterlist}

{Main Masterlist}

Character(s): Chishiya (ft. Ann, OC)

Summary: You tell Chishiya that you’re pregnant and his change in behaviour from the news is hard not to notice

Warnings: accidental pregnancy, murder, swearing, graphic violence (guns), heavy angst, vomiting, panicking, blood

Word Count: 3.3k

*reader is female

Chishiya gif credit

“Chishiya, I think I’m pregnant.”

The statement hit the young man like a thousand knives. He stood up on the roof of the hotel, the moon reflecting off his glowing skin. You stared at his side profile, waiting for his reaction to the news, but he merely sighed and tucked a piece of his bleached hair behind his ears. “How do you know?”

“I’ve been throwing up a lot, without even feeling nauseated at first. It just suddenly hits and I have to run to the bathroom,” you began listing your symptoms to back your claim. “I also have been a lot more tired, going to bed super early and waking up super late. As well as my period hasn’t come yet, and it’s been a week since it was due.”

You still kept your eyes on Chishiya, trying to figure out how he was feeling. His emotions hardly ever come through his body language. He seemed too calm for your liking, but you couldn’t exactly tell because you weren’t able to see his eyes.

“It is mine?” he asked, turning to you with a serious expression. Your eyes widened in shock. “Whose else would it be Chishiya?” you exclaimed, shoving his shoulder in disbelief.

Chishiya smirked and looked away from you again. “Just making sure.”

“Do you want to keep it?”

The question took Chishiya off guard. “That’s not my choice to make,” he said.

“Yeah but if it were?” you pressed, sliding along the railing until your sides were touching. Chishiya went quiet for a few minutes, thinking about his answer. “I would hate to bring a baby into this world if I’m being totally honest,” he started. “But it’s not like we have a choice.”

You nodded and laid your head on his shoulder, feeling safe and sound against his warmth and scent. He laid his cheek on top of your head and sighed heavily.

“What are we going to do Chishiya? We’re too young to be parents, let alone in a world like this.” You felt your eyes start to water but tried your best to hold in your cries. You were terrified. Not only would you have to go through nine months of pregnancy, you would also have to play games in order to keep your visa valid.

“Hey,” you heard Chishiya say. “Don’t worry about it. We’ll push through this together. And I’ll make sure I’m here with you every step of the way.”

His words made you smile sadly, and droop your head down into your hands. You cried softly as Chishiya rubbed your back in a comforting manner.

It would be tough, impossible even. But the both of you had each other, and that’s all you needed to push through.

***********

Ever since that evening on the roof with Chishiya when you told him about the baby, he had acted strangely since.

He had lost his cocky and smug personality, being replaced by a cautious and anxious type of behaviour. You began to feel worried about him, because it was so out of character.

It didn’t go unnoticed by other members of The Beach either. Although you hadn’t told anyone else about the news (wanting to keep it between you and Chishiya), you found yourself being confronted by a lot of people asking if Chishiya was okay.

Ann mentioned that during a meeting he rushed out suddenly, not even stopping to say where he was going or why. You reassured her that he was fine, and that the stress of the games may have just started getting to his head a bit.

It was like you were suddenly dating a whole different person. There wasn’t a moment where he wasn’t by your side, always asking if you needed anything or that you were okay. He’d refuse to let you do the smallest of things, liking lifting heavy objects or even dancing in the crowd at night. There were times you would have to reason with him and remind him that you weren’t helpless, and you were basically only a few weeks pregnant, and he was acting like you were eight months. He always shrugged it off though and argued back that he just felt overwhelmed, so he wanted to try his best to be the best partner he could be during the stressful time.

But when push came to shove and you had to participate in games to renew your visa, Chishiya always insisted that he went with you. Even if you said no and tried to convince him that you would be fine, he refused to listen. You didn’t have a chance when trying to reason with his stubbornness.

*************

You had decided to participate in a game a few days earlier than when your visa would expire so you wouldn’t have the stress of having to rush to one on the night it expired. As well as you had been feeling okay for the past few hours and you didn’t want to lose the opportunity of clearing a game when you were at your best instead of being forced to play one on one of your worse days.

When you told Chishiya your plan, you ended up having a small argument. Chishiya thought it was unreasonable for you to put yourself in danger when it could be prevented, as well as he felt anxious due to you not being able to perform to the best of your ability because you were holding your child.

But after you both calmed down after realizing that arguing would get you nowhere, you both decided to go to the game that night, as long as Chishiya was able to come with you.

The game was simple enough. It was a six of clubs. Each player had to find an area of the building to stay put in no more than groups of three. You were able to move around these small areas, but once the game started and you were inside one, you were not permitted to leave your area. There were four seekers, each with a different animal mask on their heads. Each area in the building also represented one of the seeker’s animals. The goal was to kill the seeker that had the animal corresponding to your area. So the players would have to create a way to lure the seeker’s to their position, but if they lure the wrong one, they would have to hide until they left.

To clear the game, players would have to kill all four of the seekers. But if they failed to do so in the time limit, flames would emerge from the ground of all areas, killing all the remaining players.

In the registration room, Chishiya kept a firm grip on your arm, making you stay close to him. There were two tables, one holding the usual phones for the players, but the other was covered with a variety of hand-held weapons, scattered across the top of it.

Chishiya strolled over to the weapon table and scanned the dangerous objects. He reached to a moderately sized blade and felt it in his hand before turning to you and holding it out, wanting you to take it.

“Here, you have this one. If we happen to get separated and you come across one of the seekers, give them a short jab to the throat with this. I have my taser to defend me.”

“We won’t get separated, we have designated areas.”

Chishiya looked directly in your eyes and sighed, placing a hand on your head. “You know what I mean.”

You hung your head low. He was meaning if he was to die. “Don’t you dare die on me now Chishiya. If you do anything reckless, you bet your stupid ass I will make sure you survive this game just so I can kill you later.”

Chishiya chuckled at your threat, allowing you to see his shiny teeth in a smile. He knew that if there would be a point that you were in any kind of potential danger, he would throw himself in front of you. His life wasn’t worth as much as yours or his child’s, to him at least.

Around ten minutes later, you both sat in a dark room that had a large painting of a wedge-tailed eagle across one of the walls. You both already assumed that was the seeker you were trying to attract. You came up with the plan to wait a short while before starting to attract the eagle’s attention, because then other people may have already killed their seeker, making it less of a chance for a different animal to come find you.

You both sat in silence on the uncomfortable couch that had springs and stuffing pouring out of it. It was the only piece of furniture in the room, so there wasn’t really anywhere else to wait.

You groaned as a short stab of pain shot through your lower abdomen, making Chishiya snap his head to you and place a soft hand over your arm that held your stomach area. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

You waved your hand in front of you. “It’s fine, just a cramp.”

Chishiya sighed in relief and rubbed your back soothingly. You swore you could hear his heartbeat through his chest, thumping against his ribcage rapidly. He was terrified, but he sure knew how to hide it from you.

You both sat in silent together, your head leaning against Chishiya’s chest as he stroked your head softly, trying to keep your nerves down. “How are we going to keep this up Chishiya?” you asked out of the blue. Chishiya hummed in acknowledgement. “I don’t know, we’ll just take one step at a time.”

The situation was overwhelming for you. With the mix of the fear of dying, your stomach cramps, Chishiya’s comforting voice and the eerie atmosphere, you couldn’t help but feel tears of stress start developing in your eyes. Before you could even get the chance to wipe them away, a sudden sob erupted from your throat, making you cover your mouth and push your face further into Chishiya’s chest.

“Aw no, don’t cry,” Chishiya cooed, wrapping his arms around your torso and holding you close. “We’re going to be fine. Trust me,” Chishiya pulled back and held your teary face in his palms. “As long as I’m here, nothing’s going to hurt you.”

You smiled at his promise, leaning into his touch on your cheek, making his face glow slightly pink.

As you and Chishiya stayed huddled close together and spoke in whispered tones, you froze as you began to hear a small noise just outside the door of the room.

Chishiya didn’t seem to hear it, and he kept talking. “Shh!” you said, cutting him off. He frowned at you and followed your gaze to the large, grey door that stood opposite to your position on the couch.

Silence filled the air as you both tried hard to listen. The tension in the room was making you almost suffocate.

“I think there’s someone outside.” you stated, standing up from your position and slowly beginning to shuffle along the floor towards the door. But Chishiya rushed after you and pulled you back before your hand could touch the door handle.

“What are you doing?!” he whisper-yelled, turning you towards him by moving your shoulders. You blinked at him, confused. “What do you mean? We need to kill it!”

“But we don’t know if it’s the eagle or not. It’s better if we hide until we’re sure it’s the one we have to kill.”

“We haven’t got time! We have less than five minutes to finish the game, so the chance of the eagle being the only one left is quite likely.”

“You don’t know that. And we aren’t even sure whether they carry weapons or not. It’s too high of a risk, and I’m not letting you put yourself in danger like that, especially when you’re pregnant with our child.”

“For fucks sake Chishiya! I’m not defenseless!”

Your yells became louder and louder with each argumentative statement, which eventually gave away your position to the seeker that stood just outside the door.

Just as you were about to rip away from Chishiya’s grip on your shoulder when you heard the large door creak open. You both turned around abruptly at the sound and laid on your eyes on a tall figure with an eagle mask covering his face. In his hand he held a small machine gun, making Chishiya’s stomach drop at the sight of it.

“Y/N!”

He grabbed your shoulders once again as you stood there in shock, not being able to move. Chishiya yelled as he pulled you roughly further into the room towards another small door that led to a closet. A few rounds of bullets shot around the room, illuminating the small space for a few short milliseconds and making the both of you develop a piercing ringing noise in your ears.

Chishiya pulled you against him as you struggled, pushing you against the wall with him in front of you, shielding you from the seeker. As he did so, he ripped the small closet door open beside you and shoved you inside, panicking and trying to get you to safety as soon as possible.

You fell to the floor of the closet, a small groan leaving your mouth as you hit the ground harshly. You were about to stand up again to push yourself out to help Chishiya, but he kicked you down before you had the chance. Your eyes landed on his, filled with frustration, but they softened as they saw the waterfalls cascading down his face.

“Please,” he choked out, putting the door behind him so the seeker can’t shoot him from the back. “For once in your life just listen to me and stay in here. Please don’t come out.”

That’s all he said before he stepped around the closet door and slammed it shut. The absolute fear and sadness on his face was burnt into your mind. You had never seen Chishiya hold such dreadful emotion on his features. It made you feel awfully guilty for picking a fight with him.

You finally came to your senses, the ringing in your ears faded and the gunshots just outside the door made your head spin. You sobbed and covered your ears with your hands, trying to block out the sounds. Your stomach churned and groaned, and you suddenly felt the urge to throw up.

You lunged forward from your sitting position on the floor and emptied the contents of your stomach on the tiled ground, coughing and gagging on the putrid smell and taste of it in your mouth.

“Fuck,” you mumbled out, rubbing your eyes to clear the tears dripping from them.

Something shifted in the pocket of your jeans, making you turn your head and place a hand over the object. Reaching in, you hissed as a sharp blade slightly cut your finger. You pulled it out gently and held it in front of you.

It was the blade Chishiya gave you at the start of the game.

“I can’t abandon him. My last words to him can’t be an argument,” you rasped out, putting a hand to your chest to recover your breathing. “I’m not going to let him die. He can’t escape being a father that easily.”

Slowly you lifted yourself up onto your feet, using the shelves in the closet as leverage. You shuffled towards the door, holding your blade out in front of you, ready to attack if you needed. You weren’t thinking straight, at that moment you didn’t even think about the fact that the seeker had a gun, all you could think about was Chishiya.

You slowly pressed down on the door handle, opening it carefully in case the seeker was still in the room. It was back to it’s darkness, making your heart drop lower.

You stepped out around the door. It was eerily quiet, making you become anxious. Something must have happened. It wouldn’t be this quiet if Chishiya and the seeker were still fighting.

A sudden wet feeling on your foot broke you from your thoughts and you glanced down to see a dark liquid seeping into your shoe. You leaned down to look at it more closely, noticing how a strong metallic smell filled your nostrils as you did so.

It was blood, but whose blood was it?

Your breathing began to quicken as you started panicking. It was a large puddle, there was no way Chishiya would survive if he got injured that badly.

“Chishiya!” you yelled out, hearing nothing but your own echo answering you. You held no care for being heard by the potentially still alive seeker at that moment. All you wanted was to find Chishiya.

“Chishiya, please!” You lifted your feet and rushed to the grey door where the seeker originally came from. It was slightly ajar and a light from the hallway outside was shining through into the room.

You pushed through the door, almost tripping over in the process. Further up the hall, two people laid on the ground. One was on their back with no movement while the other was leant up against the wall clutching their shoulder.

The injured one wore a white hoodie, making you immediately recognize them as your partner.

“Oh my god, Chishiya.” you whispered as you approached him, eyes locking on the large blood stain on his white hoodie. “Y/N, I told you to stay in the room,” he groaned out.

You placed a hand against his that held his wound, trying to keep pressure on it to lessen the bleeding. “I couldn’t. I wasn’t going to let you die that easy.”

He smiled up at you, a pained expression on his face as he hissed and whimpered at the pain of his wound. “They got me in the shoulder, but that was it.”

“You should be fine. If we get back to The Beach and get Ann to remove the bullet, it’ll heal fine.”

He knew you didn’t really know that. You were trying to reassure yourself that he would live. But either way, he wasn’t planning on dying on you anytime soon.

You looked away from him, glancing over at the figure lying on the ground motionless. The eagle mask was still lazily placed on their face. Chishiya probably didn’t want to remove it out of respect for the individual.

“How’d you kill them?” you asked, locking eyes with him once again.

“A few shocks around the ears to knock them out. But I didn’t take any sharp blades with me so I had to get creative,” he explained, nodding over towards a small slab of metal that laid a few metres away. “After a few hits with that to their head, they were gone.”

You cringed at the thought, but you appreciated Chishiya having the bravery to do that.

You felt a soft hand pressing itself against your stomach, rubbing the spot up and down. “Are they okay?”

A smile spread across your face. “I think so. They didn’t help much by making me throw up in the closet,” you laughed, making Chishiya grin.

“Causing mum trouble already.”

A happy tune being played from each of your pockets caught your attention.

“Game Clear. Congratulations.”

The reality suddenly hit you. You were alive and so was Chishiya. And although you would have to go through many more traumatic and harsh events such as the one you had just experienced, you would at least be there for each other, whether the outcome was bad or not.

“Come on. Let’s go home,” Chishiya groaned, using his good arm to push himself up. You helped him by lifting him by his shoulders.

You were alive today, and that’s all that mattered. You would worry about tomorrow when it comes round to it.

[poppinisperfection]

Peter Maximoff x Reader // Hello, Monica // WandaVision // Part 2

Part 1

Post Dark Phoenix X-Men & WandaVision fanfiction. FemReader and Peter Maximoff dating when he suddenly disappears.

Xavier returns and a plan is formed.

Word Count: 1892

Warnings: Emotional distress, mentions of violence, blood, gun wounds etc.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

(Y/n) sat by the screen, her vision blurring and bags forming under her eyes. The analog clock ticked with each second as Hank fiddled around with some tech, and the others sat on the floor half asleep. They had eventually contacted Xavier, and he promised to travel back to New York as fast as possible. That was hours ago, and now it was the middle of the night.

There was nothing they could do, even discussion led to nowhere; nothing about the situation made sense. Metal crashed on the floor, causing Scott to Jolt awake and Kurt to bamf in surprise as Professor McCoy gave a frustrated grunt at his clumsiness. The disturbance didn't phase (Y/n) though, as she read the line for the thousandth time,

"Please stand by."

She was somewhere between breaking into tears and punching every wall she saw. In short, (Y/n) was desperate. After hours of thinking, she finally allowed her eyes to close for longer than a short blink. Her mind was crashing around like a restless ocean, and she found herself drowning inside endless possibilities. But at the centre of it all was his face, his smile, his voice... him.

Suddenly the doors opened with a whoosh, and (Y/n) turned her attention towards whoever was entering the labs. A determined looking man wheeled in, locking with (Y/n)'s blood-shot eyes. An alabaster-haired, umber-skinned, and confident woman followed him; shooting a look of concern towards the group.

"Xavier-" Hank exclaimed with some relief at the Professor's appearance. The bald man gave a small hum in response, but he continued to near (Y/n) instead of making conversation. He placed a hand out and gave her a kind look.

"May I?" he crooned in his English accent, as the (h/c) lady nodded and placed her head forward. Closing his eyes and placing two fingers on her temple, and another on his own - Xavier began to see the whole story, without anyone saying a single word. After a few seconds, his pulled back and gave a sharp sigh.

"(Y/n), I am so sorry." the wise man's voice faltered after feeling the gut-wrenching fear that swept through her mind. The worried girl said nothing, but just tried to keep the strength on her face instead of breaking down into tears. "You've got a location?" Xavier turned to the beastly professor, trying to solve the mystery.

"Sort of- I mean, it's unbelievable Charles." he grabbed some pages and handed them to his colleague, "It's like he's traveled to another universe; I've only heard about theories of multiverses, but this- this is more evidence than anything I've ever read..." Hank rambled on, as even Charles Xavier- telepathic mastermind- look on in shock.

Before anyone could say anything, the old computer screen buzzed and the image shifted. (Y/n)'s tired eyes widened as she sat on the edge of her seat. Even Kurt teleported closer in an effort to not miss a second of the developing situation. A lead guitar began to play, and the opening credits rolled...

The group we're unsure if it was the same show, as it looked completely different in style. But their doubts were cleared when that same woman showed up, slamming the door using some sort of powers.

"She's a mutant..." (Y/n) mumbled, as the others looked on in confusion. The opening continued to play on as more characters were shown - most of which they had never seen before. Then finally, a speedy friend appeared.

"As himself?" Scott added, reading the credits. (Y/n) stared at the title and mentally recorded it.

"It's like they're a family." Kurt noticed as Peter integrated himself so naturally with them. The pair of young boys started to monologue about halloween.

"Halloween? This just gets more and more confusing." Scott rubbed his forehead in bewilderment. Ororo stood beside them, barely comprehending what she was watching. She had previously offered to look after the students while the situation was being investigated, and that lost time had undoubtedly caused her to miss a lot of information.

"So Pete's on TV?" Storm questioned in a baffled tone. The silver haired fellow lay on a couch as the twin boys discussed him, and they referred to him as their uncle. "Okay, somebody needs to expla-" she began, but was cut off as Xavier placed a finger to his temple and transferred the information she had missed. Ororo gave a soft gasp, but ultimately was relieved to be filled in. Since the professor had learned about the situation from (Y/n), some of the grief in her mind was passed to Storm; so the loyal mutant placed a caring hand on her friend's shoulder in comfort.

Xavier chatted behind the group of young mutants who watched the show play out.

"She suggested that maybe Kurt could go in, I told her-" Hank whispered to his friend.

"That would be dangerous..." Charles finished his thought, "But dangerous doesn't mean impossible." the telepath looked towards the blue teleporter who stared at the computer screen.

"You can't be serious, Charles." Hank furrowed his thick brows and stared in disbelief.

"Kurt, (Y/n)," the professor called out, catching the pair's attention,

"Come with me."

-------

The small group trailed down the metallic hallway and approached the familiar doors to Cerebro. (Y/n) looked back at the room they had left, still hearing the distant sounds from the broadcast. Her mind travelled to what she was missing; was Peter still okay?

The circular door released and slid open, and the group followed Xavier's lead towards the machine at the end of the walkway. Kurt's tail wrapped around his leg in fear, as he fiddled nervously with his hands. Placing the silver helmet over his head, Charles nodded for the intellectual beast to flip the switch. Immediately, the room lit up and images of people flashed around. A million conversations ran through the professor's mind, but he was only searching for one person.

"Turn it up." Xavier requested as his eyebrows knit together in concentration. Reluctantly, Hank did as he said. Soon the voices faded and a only a muffled conversation echoed through the large room. "The whole way, Hank." the british man added.

"Charles that's too mu-"

"Do it!" Xavier demanded his face contorting with the amplification. (Y/n) gave a soft gasp as the voice grew clearer.

"I think mom and dad would've loved it."

Peter's words reverberated, as tears formed in (Y/n)'s eyes. Despite Cerebro being on full power, the only thing that Xavier could access was the detached audio of the mind he was connected to.

"Where were you hiding these kids up til now? I assume they were sleeping peacefully in their beds."

"Can you speak to him Charles?" Hank asked.

"Something's... Something's not right... It's too powerful to see..." Xavier stuttered out, trying not to loose his connection. Peter's voice continued, as the group wondered to who and what he was talking about.

"I'm not some stranger and I'm not your husband, you can talk to me."

"There's something... dark... clouding his mind." the powerful telepath explained, "but he's still in there, somewhere." he added. The group began to notice a purple hue clouding the entire room. The clearer Peter's disembodied voice became, the more the mysterious smoke descended. Kurt and (Y/n) stood back slightly, scared of what it could mean.

"Don't sweat it sis, it's not like your dead husband can die twice."

The sentence rang through their ears, before the whole room erupted in a blast of ruby red energy. It was exactly like the force that 'Wanda' had used earlier. Energy passed through the mutants, as images of terror entered their minds. Fragments of memories flashed; glowing stones, broken families, and piles of ashes.

Xavier groaned with pain, but he kept the connection despite the immense power that surged through his mind. (Y/n) grasped her head and panted heavily. The image of a young man lying cold, bleeding through bullet wounds, on a pile of rubble haunted her. She didn't know who it was, but he seemed familiar for some reason - and her heart broke at the sight of his lifeless form.

"He's slipping... I- I can't hold on..." Xavier cried out through gritted teeth, "I can't latch onto anyone!" the room filled with a booming static noise as the bald man searched though all the available minds in that reality. Hank writhed on the floor, clutching his ears with the horrible sound. Soon he gained the strength to pull a hand up towards the switch and slowly tune down the settings. The din faded, and the only noise that could be heard was the heavy breathing from the group that tried to recover from the experience.

"I didn't tell you to turn it off." Xavier pulled off Cerebro's helmet and placed it harshly on its holder.

"It would've killed you." Hank rebutted, standing on his feet.

"There was something forming, a gap in the reality, I could feel it!" Charles placed a hand on his forehead in frustration, "It's like all the minds were under some sort of deep control - but I could sense other ones... ones that were free."

"But what can we do about it!?" the beastly Professor retaliated, annoyed at his colleague.

"If I can find the free minds, I can see where they are; exactly where they are." Xavier began to ramble, "Then I can show Kurt, and you can get there." (Y/n)'s eyes grew wide at his suggestion. Even though she had considered it earlier, she now began to doubt her logic. If it were just her, then she wouldn't hesitate to risk her life for Peter - but she couldn't ask Kurt to do it too.

"Professor, what if... What if it doesn't work?" (Y/n) piped up, looking to the powerful telepath with concern plastered all over her face.

"We can't risk more of our lives, Kurt you don't have to do this." Hank tried to assure the German mutant.

"Nein." he responded, "Peter is my friend, I vill not leave him in danger. I vill do it." Kurt nodded his head as he stood confident in his decision. Despite the hatred that Kurt Wagner had received his whole life; he was always the most selfless person in the room. (Y/n) shot him a weak smile, thankful for his kindness.

"This isn't just about Peter. Somebody brought him there. Somebody, or something, has a power that could change everything we think we know." McCoy warned, trying to convince the group of the dangerous situation.

"Which is why we need to know more." (Y/n) interjected.

"I will be able to communicate with you, as long as you don't go under this person's control." Xavier explained, deep in thought. Hank looked at the trio, and finally gave a deep sigh.

"There's no talking to you people." he shook his head, "I'm sure travelling across the multiverse will be a cinch." his tone dripped with sarcasm as Charles placed Cerebro back on his head.

"Have a little faith, Hank." Xavier joked stiffly as he flipped the switch to the machine. McCoy reluctantly turned the power knob and soon the static noise returned, causing a grimace to appear on everyone's faces. The noise flickered as Xavier passed through more empty minds, searching for one that would work. The sensory overload build up in a crescendo, until everything stopped to a halt.

"Hello, Monica."