#I kinda want to like. put some specific fandoms on a different blog too

[oliveish]

Trudging along no matter how much tries to take me down.

Hello im Vesper/Specter or Liv and you can use whatever you think suits me.

Xenofiction and Warriors cats side blog is @anhingaheart

[wifegideonnav]

I'm new to Tumblr. How do Tumblr users usually engage with each other?

well first of all welcome haha. the main ways to engage with people are:

liking and reblogging. platforms like instagram and tiktok run on likes and an algorithm, but on tumblr, people almost exclusively use their dashboard and turn off suggested content, so they’re only seeing what people actually reblog onto their dash. that’s why people on this site are so adamant about reblogs, because likes basically do nothing. i saw someone say once that anything you would like on a different social media, you should reblog on here, and i totally agree. and don’t worry about how old a post is, or about reblogging something you’ve previously reblogged. there are posts from 2014 that i regularly see on my dash a decade later, so literally don’t feel awkward, it’s 100% normal to engage with old posts.

tags. there are three main ways tags are used: labeling original content so people find it in searches, internal organization systems when reblogging or posting (for instance, many people have a tag for their original posts, and will tag reblogs by fandom or character or whatever - important note that reblogs do not show up in search results), and to make sotto voce comments on a post. it’s normal for people to make jokes, add their own commentary, ramble about something semi relevant, or say something to op in the tags on posts they reblog.

reblog additions. every time you reblog, you have the chance to add something to the post, which unlike tags will be retained when someone reblogs from you. a good rule of thumb is to comment instead of tagging when it’s something you actually want other people to engage with, as opposed to tags where you’re just kind of expressing yourself lol. don’t be surprised however if you see people’s tags getting screenshotted and added to a reblog. if this happens because the screenshotter likes what the tag writer said, it’s jokingly referred to as “passing peer review.” (and of course people screenshot tags to criticize or mock them as well.) essentially, tags are like being at a big group dinner and saying something to the person next to you as an aside, and then sometimes that person goes “hey everyone listen to this”

post comments. there’s also an option on every post (unless op has turned it off) for people to comment on the post itself, not on a specific reblog. mostly this is useful for talking to people on personal posts or posts with reblogs turned off. on a bigger post, just reblog it and put your thoughts in an addition or tag.

asks. seems like you figured this one out! lmao. asks are used for a wide variety of things, but essentially it can either be a prompt for someone to make a post or a way of having an interaction/conversation with someone without dming them.

dms. these work like dms everywhere else, except the functionality is limited and it kinda sucks.

games. there are also many varieties of games that people play with each other, ranging from ask games (things like “rec me some music” or a post with prompts and people send you some from that list), tag games (typically there are questions you answer then you tag other people to fill them out for themselves) handwriting tags, follow chains, giveaways, name/url playlists, and more. with the addition of polls, brackets have gotten popular too (eg the tumblr sexyman bracket). there also used to be a lot of in-character ask blogs, where a user would set up a blog and roleplay as a specific character that people could send questions to (there still are some but way fewer and way less popular than there used to be)

to be honest i feel like i have to put “discourse” and “drama” on this list too. people on this site loveeee having the most insane arguments of all time and then everyone else memes the hell out of it. google “sonic for real justice” for an example lmao. (of course there’s also very unfunny political and fandom discourse that goes on as well. i would advise you to avoid discourse blogs as a general rule regardless of whether you agree with their position or not)

tagging people. you can also @ people in posts you think they’d like or if you feel like they have relevant input. typically this is something you would do either to people you’ve spoken to before, or a big blog with an established persona and rapport with their followers (eg if you follow a blog about snakes and you see a random post with snake info that seems wrong but you’re not sure, so you tag them to ask for their expertise).

and this isn’t a specific “mode” of communication but it’s also a thing to “interpret” (for lack of a better word) other people’s posts. for instance, people drawing a photo from the original post (i cant find it but there was a post going around recently where op posted an aesthetic photo of an egg cooking and then several people painted it), or people trying/recreating something a post was about (example). it was also a thing for a minute there where people would rewrite funny exchanges as shakespearean dialogue

those are all the ways i can think of, although im sure i’ve missed some (if other people think of any pls add on!). good luck, and i hope you’re able to meet some cool people!

[loquarocoeur]

Hey lovely! I’m back w another anon, at this point I’ll put an emoji so you know it’s the same person saying hi bc I’m not sending this on my blog name but ashshsjsh.

The asks and your responses on the spanking shit have me wanting to send this ask that I’ve been thinking about, but like. After the end of ‘pushing buttons’ I rlly enjoyed the bit where charles was almost insecure, and max responded the way he did so beautifully about how he loves charles the most bc he’s charles and what about it him he finds so loving and hot and how he was mentioning Charles’s pleasure too and that just. Really made me want to have a fic perhaps on the doms pleasure a bit. Not entirely but if you’d want to I’d love for you to get into charles head and thoughts a bit. It’s hard to explain what I mean because I’m being vague bc I’m embarrassed enough typing this as is lmfao but I hope you kinda get what I mean here? How you were talking about charles headspace in the other ask and everything I just got very Inchrested

I just love this verse and the way you write and maybe I die everytime I see another blog post of yours about some smutty shit! Maybe!

- 🦢 (I’ll make myself the swan emoji anon bc why the fuck not. Hi it’s me I sent the asks like max speaking Italian for maybe one line perfectly and made the suggestion about the ‘monza fic having the hotel tifosi chanting. Idk I just wanted to lyk it was me ahahshsjjs)

Okay hi, hello, I'm here with my thoughts now and absolutely YES, prepare for an essay:

Like idk, I've been meaning and trying to get into Charles' head a bit more since forever, but it is just quite hard nailing him down, he's just a very complex character nowadays with that duality between his 'dom persona' I guess and then absolute golden retriever, head over heels, bend over backwards, and jump when Max says jump sweetheart he is outside of that headspace

It's just there's just so many things from Charles' perspective to think of, you know, specifically talking about sex scenes now:

Like, okay, first of all, he's just a man, Max barely needs to take off his shirt. Like he's absolutely insatiable, he goes insane for a glimpse of Max's stomach, the only time he won't even try to start anything in the shower is if he got an orgasm five minutes ago, so obviously there's the aspect that he just thinks Max is fucking hot, just looking at Max does it for him, and also men are men, it feels good getting their dicks wet I guess

But then there's also obviously the thing that we don't talk about enough in fandom and that's that doms like being dominant just as much as subs like being submissive

And you know it's hard to nail it down and elucidate it, because we don't have enough examples for it, because (and this is also totally fine of course) fandom is just usually very focused on the perspective of more submissive people for probably many reasons which we won't get into rn, but the point is like you have to make this shit up as you go, there's not a script and an easy how-to like there is for writing submissive perspectives because we've all read thousands of those of course

Because like obviously Max technically has as much if not more control over the situation as Charles does with safewords and all, but Charles obviously LIKES being or feeling in control

There's kind of this underlying societal belief that we often get where it's just perceived as inherently bad when someone wants or likes to be in control or in a position of power, which is why I feel we hear the dom perspective waaay less than the sub one, because ironically, the doms are too shy to speak up I guess lol

But you know Charles obviously likes that he can tell Max what to do and he does it, he likes how Max, just as a person, is quite dominant in the way he behaves, he's not a follower, when someone says sit down Max asks why, and he's no different with Charles when they're just them and there's no dom/subness going on, but he likes how when they're in that space and Charles says sit down Max sits the fuck down

And then I think the thing I always emphasized most is how Charles just gets off on seeing Max feel good, like he gets off on making Max feel so good he loses all function, and that comes back to Charles having just as much of a praise kink as Max, but he doesn't need Max to tell him he's doing good, he needs to see it

And then it's just how do I fit all this in and consolidate it with the way that of course, Charles is far from quiet or reserved during sex, he won't shut up actually, but there's these times when, from Max's perspective, you have no idea what's going on in his head, because he has this talent for just turning his face blank

And don't think I as the author somehow know any more than you do when it comes to Max's perspective like guys idk either, I was just there

But yes, I do hope to elaborate on it a bit more in the future🥰❤️❤️❤️

[apatchworkstar]

Hi! This is the second part of the first tarot spread within MeMe, specifically cards 6 through to 8 (likely of three, though you know how big these things can get; especially when it’s a deep dive!). You may be asking “This isn’t the person who posted the first couple of posts, why are you doing this?” and well. @gunsli-01​/ @archivalofsins​ and I figured it might be a fun idea to alternate which blog each part of the tarot readings are on! The prior posts to be put up on her blog, then some on mine. That being said, this is mostly her words, with the occasional interjection from me.

I hope that you enjoy what is here, and a thanks in advance!

Previous posts:

Here

Here

Here

6/Below Subconscious: Ten of Wands Reversed

Wands in Mikoto’s tarot deck is represented by baseball bats. A different type of wand where, with just a wave of your arms, whatever problem you face will magically be replaced with a new, easier to solve problem. That is, if you’re good at disposing of a body of course. Something one of the Mikotos seems to be pretty decent at. So, hooray!

At a point the fandom is really going to have to discuss Mikoto and Amane comparing metal bludgeoning weapons like bats and metal pipes to wands

(Star here! A branch off point to the above is the fact that baseball and the idea of magical girl groups can be paralleled with the way of living both Mikoto and Amane have. To be more specific, the idea that they are expected to gain victory/success all the time + the idea of being a smaller part in a larger ‘team’ that has to run like a well-oiled machine to function properly and the pressure that comes with it.

Mikoto’s struggles can be compared to baseball in the sense that he’s consistently expected to put in as much physical and mental effort to secure the main goal of the group. This is to the point of putting these pressures on himself and observing other people’s behaviors with that in mind. A prime example of this is when he tells Fuuta that his behavior is attention-seeking:

Mikoto: Hey, it’s kinda a bother having you be so angry and tense all the time. You should stop trying get everyone to pay attention to you. You’re a uni student, right? You can’t act like that once you start working properly.

Futa: Huh!? Shut up. Not like I care what you say. Even though we’re in this shitty situation, you’re just chatting away, it’s stupid. Aren’t you the one who’s acting out of place here? ……also the fact you give everyone nicknames is just gross.

Mikoto: *sigh* It’s more stupid to be taking this all so seriously. I mean, it’s definitely just a reality TV program. There’s no way a real prison exists that’s this lax. Also, I don’t give nicknames to everyone. I don’t give them to young kids like Amane, or to the hard-to-approach types like Shidou-san. I mean, I’m not giving you one, right?

Futa: ……oi, which group are you trying to say I am?

He goes by the ideals that in a more adult based world {i.e. within a working force as opposed to an educational setting} not only are you meant to carry your own weight, but you’re also supposed to make things go as smoothly as you can for others and make sure your effort doesn’t go to waste. This is something he is called out for by Yuno when she asks about if it’s tiring to smile so much:

Yuno: Hey, Mikoto-san. Don’t you get tired being so conscious of others all the time? I mean, you’re free to do what you want though.

Mikoto: Eh…… Aha, what are you talking about? I’m not being conscious or anything. It’s normal to make sure to get along with everyone, right? I mean, when you put it like that, aren’t you the same, Yun-chan? You’re always smiling and getting on with everyone too.

Yuno: I don’t smile unless I actually want to. But with you, when you’re talking with other people it’s more like you only smile deliberately. So I kept thinking, don’t your cheeks get tired?

Ah, is this just what happens when you become a working adult? ……you see people like that sometimes.

Mikoto: Haha, you don’t mince your words do you.…….that was never my intention, but now that you mention it, yeah, I guess I do. This might’ve been since I started my job too…… But like, if I was rude to everyone I met, all my efforts would come to nothing, right?

A character example of what I mean, at least with baseball, is Yamamoto Takeshi from Katekyou Hitman Reborn! Specifically, his introduction. For those of you who don’t know, in the manga Yamamoto is introduced as a mainstay character when he picks the protagonist to be on his team for P.E.. After they lose, he helps the protagonist and ends up asking him for advice. As it turns out, he’s worried about holding his team back because it seems no matter how much he tries, his skill at baseball is diminishing. The protagonist suggests putting in more effort and he agrees, saying that he’ll stay behind to do practice more. The next day, he’s at the top of the roof wanting to jump because in overexerting himself, he broke his arm. This, in terms of the team he’s in, makes him an immediate detriment as opposed to where he was before. At least then, he was still able to play, even if there was a feeling of stagnation.

Amane’s is more comparable to the ideals and moral standards that magical girls are stereotypically held to. This can be paralleled to how the members of her cult hold her to a certain standard and level of belief even if she {at least initially} didn’t subscribe to those beliefs herself.)

Now, it’s the ten of wands. How much can the card vary outside of the baseball bats? Well, that’s the trickiest part about the wand cards. The depiction of wands varies greatly based on what tarot decks an individual uses. However, the wands are generally represented with a stick of some kind. The thing that changes the most is the position the wands are shown in, just as we see here with Mikoto’s variant.

The ten of wands is usually portrayed by a person carrying a large bundle of sticks in their arms, being noticeably burdened by it as they head towards a town. How the wands are carried and what they are made of tend to vary. However, they tend to be carried by a person.

This is noticeably not the case in Mikoto’s version where the wands are holding themselves up.

They almost resemble a mock bridge or passage. I wish I had something to connect this back to, but at this time I don’t. I can’t really grasp what would make Mikoto or the staff design this card this way.

(Star here again! And I’m just jumping in real quick to posit a guess; it looks like those gates at level crossings.

A level crossing is where a railway crosses a road or right of way on the level; that means without the use of a tunnel or bridge. This includes footpaths, bridleways and cycle ways.

The gates are there to prevent people going over it when a train is incoming. And where does at least part of his crime take place~?)

The sixth card in a Celtic spread is meant to represent the subconscious state of the asker. The Ten of Wands usually represents that the asker has completed a trial of sorts or is getting out of a period of struggle, the querent reaching success afterwards. Even though that may sound all well and good, this newfound success comes with new responsibilities. As such, the Ten of Wands also alludes to the querent facing new challenges and becoming the go to problem solver in relationships.

However, since it’s in reverse the meaning changes completely. It warns the asker that they are becoming burdened or constricted by things that are not a necessity within their life. Advising that they find the matters that won’t bring them any happiness, even if they were resolved successfully and drop them completely. If it doesn’t add value to the querent’s life, then it needs to go. Once gotten rid of, the querent will have sobriety of thought and move forwards in a more accurate way.

Now, Mikoto’s conscious and subconscious are completely out of whack, right? Not surprising, one’s outward appearance rarely perfectly reflects their inner self. Yet, the dissonance between these two states is concerning.

Outwardly, Mikoto is attempting to be amicable but according to this card, on some subconscious level, he knows that doing such a thing isn’t beneficial to him. Not just emotionally, but in any actual way. It brings no value to his life to behave in this fashion but he’s consciously pushing forward with it anyway and continuing to bite his tongue. When really, he should just let it out and be done with it.

“You don’t have to keep it in and hide it away.”

7/Advice or Your Influence: King of Cups Reversed

The King of Cups in Mikoto’s tarot deck is represented by several cups scattered behind the word King.

In some tarot decks the King of Cups has been depicted with fair hair, warm blue eyes and covered in blue armor with orange wings with what has been said to be their personal symbol, the peacock, adorning their crown while riding a horse. The cup they hold either having a crab inside of it or adorning the vessel in reference to the Astrological sign Cancer. It’s horse, implied to be graceful and steady, able to prance across the waters without ever disturbing the fish jumping about its hooves. The background of the card being violet, a mix of red and blue. This is meant to depict a combination or union between the elements Water and Fire.

As impressive as that sounds and how much I would love to see Mikoto depicted like that, either one of them to be honest… Nowadays, the King of Cups is more commonly depicted by a King sitting on their throne, wearing a fish amulet and surrounded by water on all sides. Sound familiar-?

(Since Gunsli brought up how Mikoto mirrors the King of Cups, I feel this is the perfect time to go into how Mikoto and Muu both have associations with royalty but in different manners. Mikoto is associated with royalty in the sense that he’s a “King of the People”. In other words, the type of royalty that works for the people. Their power comes from how liked they are within the general populace. On one hand, having this type of power means that they’d be generally well liked but on the other, it means their capacity to keep said power is far less stable than other types of leadership. Since it’s dependent on how the larger populace favours them, it means the less they are liked, the less influence they have to throw around. The line that best showcases this idea in conjunction with this reading of the king of cups is this one:

All those ridiculous accusations / Hurting it, holding it down, it doesn't change anything, does it

However, Muu’s association with royalty is more akin to the concept of “Divine Right”, as shown blatantly with this line:

I told you I’m queen, and it’s always the same/ God gave me everything, everything is as I wish

For those who don’t know, divine right in terms of royalty is the idea that the person in power was pre-ordained to rule by god, and thus chosen and shaped in their image. It’s considered that those chosen by such a rule have no need to answer to any form of democracy or the regular populace since their status has already been ‘chosen’ by a higher power. Instead, they can only be judged by the ‘god’ that considered them worthy of power to begin with and those who act against them are considered sacrilegious:

Don’t you think it’s wonderful to control them with my gentle sting/ If you want to betray from jealousy/ You know what’s gonna happen ON YOU

Despite this, she tries to come off as a “King of the People” in After Pain, highlighting the lack of esteem she has in everyone’s eyes now, and how that has made her feel as though her influence lacks power because no one wants her around anymore.

If I was gone, If I had just disappeared/ I overheard, I found out/ How much I’m not needed

My sorry spells must be wearing off/ But I guess some of it is my fault/ Maybe it’s ok as it is/ I want to feel “alive”, is it ok if I breathe?/ Tell me

If you’re going to make me the villain/ It’s ok to ignore me/ If it’s endurance, I’m used to it./ It’s just having another taste of it

This makes the snippet that we got of Mikoto’s next song fairly interesting. After all…

I should have saved you, but why are you crying?/ Rely on me, praise me with your song, I am your savior

...What is a god, but a savior to the masses?)

In the background of the card to the left, fish can be seen jumping about. On the right side, there is a ship sailing the waters. The fish in the background and the amulet the King of Cups wears is meant to represent their creativity and spirit. Both of which is implied to be sustained by the water surrounding them.

The boat and fish within the background is meant to represent the balance between the emotional and material realms. This depiction is meant to illustrate that the King of Cups has a handle of things and the querent has learned not to suppress their emotions or impulses instead recognizing and dealing with them in a controlled balanced manner.

I bet a lot of people started to understand why it’s reversed now. Also, modernly the King of Cups tends to be more associated with the Astrological sign Scorpio. The water sign generally depicted as being fiery.

The King of Cups is known as The Lord of The Waves and Water, The King of Undines and Nymphs, and The Fire of Water. It is the most active and aggressive out of all the royal tarot cards to be associated with water. For some time, Water has been used to represent the subconscious of the human mind, and The King of Cups is no exception. It is said to represent the creative spark of humanity that ignites and gives birth to unconscious images. In a way, representing the imagination or, if one wishes to think of it from a more negative perspective, intrusive thoughts.

When in the Upright position the King of Cups represents the querent’s abilities to restrain their emotions. Showing that they are in full control of their feelings and impulses and the relationship between their feelings and reasoning is balanced and fair. However, as we all know, the King of Cups appears here in its reversed form. It’s much darker and complicated evil for- nah, I’m sorry, I’ll stop blowing things out of proportion. I’m just happy to be getting back to this after the whole Mu situation.

It's not that bad. Ha, ha, it’s worse… Now I left something out about the King of Cups upright meaning. It’s not just about having a reign on both one’s feelings and logical reasoning. It is also connected to understanding or being aware of oneself. Sure, one can usually objectively believe that what they’ve done or how they’ve done it may be irrational but knowing for certain why they responded that way can be a murky endeavor. One can also emotionally discern when logic does not serve their emotional health/security or when their personal feelings aren’t being considered due to the logic being used.

Being able to actively take into account one’s emotions and then apply logic to them takes a level of personal understanding and recognition that Mikoto has admitted to lacking already. If one doesn’t have that type of emotional understanding of themselves, they are more likely to invalidate their emotions or if they have too much of an understanding of themselves invalidate logic. This is why the balance that The King of Cups alludes to is so important.

Because if it’s broken, one state of thinking will be valued over the other which will ultimately lead to dysfunction of some kind.

Now when you reverse The King of Cups- The King already said to be the most aggressive of the royal water cards residing in the tarot- you get one hell of a tyrant. It’s time to get aggressive.

People not listening? Time to make them listen through emotional manipulation. Get volatile. Huh, members of the court are saying the king seems moody. Don’t fret about that. They’re wrong; what do they know? They came asking, seeking council, right? If they don’t like the answer they received, doesn’t that mean they weren’t truly seeking an answer to begin with, just validation of their beliefs? At that point they shouldn’t have even asked! How dare they waste the King’s time.

Aren’t people who come begging for guidance and then complain about the advice given the literal worst? The trash of society, actually. The King is being nice by just listening and they still want more. Greedy ass, self-absorbed, peasants; don’t they see the King is swamped already? When are they going to listen to King, huh?!

In fact, they’ve got a lot of nerve even questioning the King! What is this, a coup?!

So, we’re in a bit of dangerous territory now. The King of Cups is all out of sorts. The balance they had before has completely deteriorated. They’ve lost their ability to handle any situation with compassion and wisdom, having difficulties when it comes to dealing with everyone seeking their help. They may appear kind and understanding to some and cold and dismissive to others.

They may now be using all their communicative talents and emotional knowledge in questionable ways. Manipulating the people around them and their circumstances to create their ideal situation.

Depending on the reading, this could be the querent themselves or represent someone else within their life. However, this is the seventh card in a Celtic Tarot spread and this is one of the cards that remains consistent between the two spreads.

It can either be representative of advice for the querent or the querent’s own influence. Now I wouldn’t blame anyone for believing Your Influence means how Mikoto impacted his circumstance but it’s not that. It’s his influence on himself.

To be more specific, this card can be read to represent how the querent views themselves and how that is affecting the situation overall. Before going into that heavy topic, let’s talk about the card from an advice standpoint.

First, let’s take the interpretation from the angle that the King of Cups isn’t referring to Mikoto himself but someone else within his life.

If that is the case, then The King of Cups could be advising Mikoto to be careful because someone within his life isn’t acting in good faith. Instead, someone is manipulating his situation to suit their own means. So, even if he isn’t yet aware of how this is being done or by who, he should be diligent and question any favors being asked of him or even any spontaneous favors being done for him.

In every situation he should be pondering things like, “Is this too good to be true?”, “How does this help me?”, “How does it help them?”, “Why would they want to do something like this?” etc. In order to avoid possibly being taken advantage of. It also implies that the person in his life that has become this way was not always like that. They usually had a grasp of their emotions and responded to things calmly. However, lately they have become manipulative and emotionally controlling.

They are seeking vengeance and vindication, an impulse they’d usually be able to control. All for the aim of administering punishment.

This card stays the same throughout the spreads because Mikoto’s situation hasn’t changed; only the person or system administering punishment has. Mikoto possibly went from one form of punishment directly to another. Something that could be supported by the repeated use of this line,

“I won’t forgive you if this is happening to me even though I’m right.”

“So, I will NEVER forgive you if this is happening to me even though I’m right.”

The only line both Mikoto’s seem to agree on and sing being one that implies they’re being disproportionately or wrongfully punished is definitely something that the tarot highlights more. Especially given how this card stays consistent throughout both spreads, but the meaning changes greatly based on the last card in the second spread being Death, a sign of new beginnings and chances.

Even though there is a chance of him being incorrectly punished, there is also a high chance that he’ll be able to get a second chance and start fresh. Which is literally what voting in Milgram is about.

So, while I personally believe this is the correct interpretation. As always, we’re going to go through every possible option.

This card could also be representative of Mikoto. In that case, it would be advising him that his perspective has become too skewed in one direction. He’s no longer thinking of the consequences of his actions or how they may affect others. Anger and the idea of getting revenge is restricting his judgement. Even though following through on this impulse would feel great or vindicating in the short term, it won’t go well in the long run.

It advises him to try to regain balance between his logic and emotions again. When it comes to careers, a focus of Mikoto’s, this card can also allude to continuing to work somewhere even though it is no longer fulfilling. It’s basically another sign that he needs to introspect and take stock of his emotions before acting in any way. Similarly to what the Five of Swords advised.

Now, the last and most interesting of the interpretations one can draw from this card in the Celtic Spread is this being how Mikoto views himself and how it impacts his situation.

By that logic, that would mean Mikoto thinks he’s a rather terrible and demanding person. This would also explain the gap between his conscious and subconscious as depicted by the cards drawn.

His Conscious card alluding to the fact that he’s attempting to remain amicable while his Subconscious one suggests he knows that behaving this way is unbeneficial. These two states of being begin to make some sense if we consider this card as representing his feelings towards himself. If he already believes he’s being demanding or too much, he wouldn’t really start asking for more or complaining about his situation. More than likely, he'd lean into being more amicable and useful just to feel like he’s not being troublesome and, in some way, justify being where he’s managed to get.

This would create a cycle of overworking to prove his own worth then feeling taken advantage of as a result. Ultimately, feeling like a worse or more demanding person because if he didn’t want to do these things he could’ve just said no, he could’ve just stopped. That was always an option and logically he has no one but himself to blame for not taking it. However, the imbalance between his emotional state removes saying “No” from the table entirely.

Let’s go back to the Queen of Swords. Yeah, remember how the Queen of Swords basically suggested Mikoto had an issue but was incapable of conveying it? This card gives us a clearer understanding of what that issue is. In fact, this card may be the last piece to discern what the conflict was.

From all the information we have on Mikoto- The new job, the tarot cards, the lyrics in MeMe; they all point to one thing. Mikoto was accepted to what should have been his dream job. His goal all along, a respectable job at a highly renowned company. It’s everything he’d been working towards but he was never working towards getting that job while taking himself fully into consideration. He didn’t want this job. He was just acting logically while ignoring his feelings on the matter.

In the Portal Timeline Post from 20/07/15 during a conversation with Amane; Mikoto says this when asked if he feels studying is enjoyable,

“Not at all! It’s just a means to an end. I only did the bare minimum needed to get into a good company. Even when it came to enrolling into college I sought out an arts university with low subject requirements. Then from there I studied curation and- Uh, you probably wouldn’t know what any of those terms are yet, huh? Hmm, since your way of speaking is so mature, I sometimes forget I need to explain myself properly instead of assuming you’d just know.”*

After being assured by Amane that if there’s anything she wants more clarity on she’ll just look into it herself and asked if he’s good at drawing he responds,

“No, not really… Of course I could do the bare minimum needed to pass the entrance exam though. Even though it’s considered an arts university, there’s still subjects where one wouldn’t need to draw at all. I’m the sort of person that likes to keep things efficient if I can. So, I worked backwards. First I looked into what sort of occupation I wanted to go into then chose subjects related to that occupation to study like direction and management~ …Ah, wait I’m doing it again…”*

*The translation here has been altered by me to add more clarity the direct translation can be found here.

How does this show that Mikoto wasn’t taking into account his personal feelings when it came to pursuing his occupation? He never really says or shows enthusiasm towards the occupation he chose. He doesn’t really particularly believe he’s good at art. His focus when discussing studying wasn’t enjoyment of the process but instead a focus on a particular outcome. That outcome being employment.

Mikoto’s main focus throughout his school life wasn’t finding anything he enjoyed doing but finding the most secure path to stable employment.

This sort of mentality is commonly found in individuals who grew up in households that underwent financial stress or were impoverished. A more recent and extreme example of this mentality has been Kobeni from Chainsaw Man. However, I’m not suggesting Mikoto’s case is that extreme in the slightest.

Kobeni is forced to work life endangering and degrading jobs and send all her money back to her family to support her other siblings. Her situation is extreme and clear fiscal abuse. However, Mikoto isn’t as far off from Kobeni as one would believe.

Did you know that children raised in poverty tend to become adults with an inclination towards more extravagant items? They spend more than their peers who were more well off than them once reaching adulthood. This is due to a lot of factors. However, to put it simply once they get a job of their own and have fiscal security and control some will play catch up trying to experience all the things they didn’t get to growing up.

Like going on trips to amusement parks, buying video game consoles, expensive phones, clothing. They could even begin to enjoy shopping as a hobby even favoring expensive/luxury items that they may have had very little access to while younger like bubble tea, horse-meat sashimi. All things Mikoto admits to liking in his interrogation.

Q.18 What are your favorite foods?

Mikoto: Horse-meat sashimi, pasta and bubble tea.

Q.07 What are your hobbies?

Mikoto: shopping / darts / photography / cycling

Many children who grow up in poverty aren’t afforded the same emotional luxuries as their wealthier counterparts. This includes individuals that are not only rich but the middle class as well. Living outside of poverty allows many people to have hope in their futures and the belief that they have more than one option.

This leads to the next issue with growing up in poverty. People’s parents expect them to do better than they did. At times, even seeing their children not as children but a means to get themselves out of poverty. There’s this pressure, intended or not, to do well and not cause problems. Because the child usually sees how their parents struggle financially and either wish to avoid making them worry or avoid turning out like them.

Q.16 What’s your relationship like with your parents?

Mikoto: My parents are divorced. I get along well with my mother though, she’s the one who raised me. I don’t want to make her worry.

This could end up making a person continually feel the need to validate their worth through material objects and accolades.

Q.08 What’s the most rewarding part of your current job?

Mikoto: I mean, it’s the top advertising agency in the industry? Anyone would be proud to be a part of it. I put a lot of work in just to get here, too.

Because these accolades and expensive purchases serve to show their peers that they’re not helplessly unrefined, they’re not broke, they are a fully grown self-sustainable adult. They can afford to eat an expensive dish or two and of course they’re fashionable. That’s just to be expected. I mean, come on they aren’t that helpless or unpopular. It’s only natural that they can do this much.

Ever heard the saying a poor man acts rich but a rich man acts poor? Or as the bible put it; One man pretends to be rich but has nothing; another pretends to be poor but has great wealth? It’s this concept, personified.

To appear on the same level as one’s peers one will flaunt wealth they don’t have. Some African Americans even refer to this as keeping up with the Jones’.

Isn’t it odd that Mikoto seems to have such expensive taste but lives in a minimalistic apartment with a record player on the cheaper side and throughout his MV we see him wearing the same outfit each day? Despite many of the others within Milgram, outside of Mu who’s in uniform for the most part, changing clothes multiple times. Even Futa is shown to have a closet of clothes in his MV. We see Mikoto wearing the same outfit outside and evening wear throughout all of MeMe.

Though maybe we’ll see him in some other clothes during Double.

The only things within his apartment are what appears to be a fold out couch, a single or “Double” sized bed, a desk off in the corner given the chair, and his television and the stand it’s on which is literally not a stand but a table.

It’s the other table we see within his mental space at the beginning of MeMe.

If he works from home, then the most expensive thing in his home would be his apple computer that we see on the desk he’s resting on in Undercover.

If that is, in fact, located within an office at his company and not within his home the most expensive thing that he owns is his television.

Now that I think about it, aren’t some of Mikoto’s hobbies strange, like maybe the way he gets to work?

To continue to put up an appearance of affluence, many people will sacrifice certain modern luxuries. You know, like biking instead of taking the train to work. In Japan, depending on the district, the train costs money. Money that Mikoto may not be able to afford.

Just like with buses in the states. Some people may find a one-time expense like buying a bike more beneficial and financially efficient in the long term than paying the fare each day or getting a car, which is expensive by itself and requires one to constantly pay for gas. Considering all this, it is likely that Mikoto grew up in a not so financially stable situation.

This would, of course, cause him to have more anxieties around losing his job and falling back into poverty as a result than being wrongfully arrested for murder. Did you know poor people are falsely imprisoned for crimes all the time? Just from being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The wrong place usually being the neighborhoods they live in.

This could easily tie into what Mikoto says when he says Es and Milgram are mistaken. He proposes that they “Um, they got the wrong person. I can’t imagine they’d know the details of what we look like. They mistook me for someone else in terms of gender or clothing style. Something along those lines.”

Mikoto comes out the gate saying he was wrongfully profiled and is now undergoing a false arrest. Which, at least when concerning US law is completely true. Everyone being in Milgram would be considered a false arrest. Technically, they don’t have enough probable cause to arrest any of them, let alone incarcerate them for long stretches of time. Mikoto and Amane seem to be the ones who notice this the fastest. They also don’t share this information with the class.

Kazui assumes Milgram is tied to an organization of some sort- possibly military related- and is afraid to see who’s pulling the strings. His assumption leans towards the concept of higher governmental powers being associated with Milgram. Kotoko’s volition to align herself with the system showcases that her and Kazui may be a bit more delusional than Mikoto or Amane. The fact that Kazui and Kotoko hold Milgram in high regard is indicative of their own self-aggrandizing natures.

Mikoto and Amane, two people who seem to have been humbled by life, know for certain that the system doesn’t care enough about them to intervene here. Amane, from the situation with her family’s cult, and Mikoto from literally just being alive, at all. Jackalope says Mikoto is like mass-produced goods in the version of Es’ voice drama translation that I’ve seen. The closest thing to that in American English and what I took it to mean was that Mikoto was a dime a dozen.

Kazui and Kotoko both think since this facility caught them then it must be strong. It has to be tied to something important, meaning it can either give them the power or the punishment they’re seeking. “Why would they or their individual actions matter to a facility such as that?” Is a question that never once occurs to them while thinking over what Milgram may or may not be. The both of them willfully fail to grasp what Es has been saying, that Milgram is Milgram and is disconnected from the law that they know.

There are so many people out there like Mikoto that we’d just refer to them as society at that point. Yet, that makes him easily replaceable; he’s not exceptional or one in a million. He’s not special and Jackalope asserts this immediately. It doesn’t matter how many talents Mikoto has or how hard he works. In every system, he’s just an office worker, the smallest cog in the world’s biggest machine where you’re either hated by people unluckier than you (the unemployed) or belittled and harassed by those above you (management, CEOs, rich people).

Because far be it for an office worker to complain about workload or long hours. Did they forget how replaceable they are? They should be happy companies don’t have a machine do all their work to save on costs of labor. The company’s money puts food on their table and keeps their utilities on. So, be happy because it could just as easily find someone more grateful to sit in that chair you’ve grown so used to. The company works you like a dog, feeds you scraps, and if you whine or cause trouble takes you out back to put you down.

That’s just how business works. Then on top of that, he has these kids asking him why he’s such a sellout/kiss ass. Going I only smile when I want to smile. Well good for you. Then at the notion that behaving in this way may be necessary for survival for some adults just going being an adult is tough, huh? Not for everyone.

Not for most of the people in Milgram actually. It wouldn’t even be difficult for Futa to get a job out of college given that his father could give him a recommendation. He could even buff up his resume by doing some work for his older sister as well if necessary. Mu’s family is rich and Yuno’s family is well off, given she admits to living not just with her mom and brother but both of her grandparents as well. That’s at least five people under one roof and she still has her own separate bedroom as seen in Umbilical.

Kazui has been discrete about showing his home life and I kind of doubt the flat we see in Half is where he lives. Yet, even if it is, he’s living in a more affluent complex than Mikoto. He’s in a high-rise with a balcony. His first trial song implies he goes to see stage plays and he wears expensive suits while on stage. Kazui is good, he’s doing fine. That’s not even going into how difficult it is to retire in most countries now but he’s just sitting on his ass at home before he winds up in Milgram to his own admission at 39 years old.

Q.15 What time do you go to sleep and wake up?

Kazui: Since I’m not working, I’m able to do whatever I feel like. I just sleep when I feel tired, and I usually wake up in the morning sometime.

There are people in their seventies still working in Japan. He's not even that fucking old, how does he have this much free time?! What the fuck did he do for a living to retire before fifty?! The fact that he studied multiple forms of martial arts speaks for how well off he was. Since training in those costs money and he trained in three forms of them. His family is probably also rich and that’s the reason he’d be a disappointment to them.

If they put all this money into his upbringing and he’s just a playboy, yeah, I’d be disappointed too. Even worse, he could be at home with a bunch of free time because his family ran a company and he’s now inherited their wealth. He said they considered him an embarrassment, not that they disowned him! Hell, if they consider him such an embarrassment and they’re established in any way they could just as easily be sending him money, so he stays out of trouble or at least doesn’t bring trouble to them.

Despite saying his family considers him an embarrassment he goes on to say his family structure is only him now. Which is vague because they can’t find you an embarrassment if they aren’t around anymore. A lot of Kazui’s answers conflict with each other. Though in this case, family could be referring to two different types, like the family that raised him and then the family he created himself. He also mentions his friend multiple times.

Saying that he has a childhood friend he looks up to and respects. Yet when asked, “Who do you want to see right now?” he answers, “They won’t see me anymore.” It’s implied later from question 17 that Kazui’s friend isn’t the one that won’t see him anymore since he answers, “Relax and go trawling. The childhood friend I mentioned before has a boat.”

I don’t know why anyone who knows someone won’t see them anymore would make plans with them if the world was ending.

Though let’s save all of Kazui’s inconsistencies for later. Basically, everyone else in Milgram is here like good thing we’re all middle class with big homes that have multiple rooms, being given allowances by our parents, or just still living with them. That or they are expressly rich in some cases. Oh, or they’re doctors, going to law school, or an old man that went to a sports university who openly states he has nothing but free time now anyway.

If I was there and wasn’t trying to be nice or understanding, I would want to kill everyone in that prison outside Amane. These well-off bastards really did just kill people because they were fucking bored or offended. Then some have the audacity to go why not just speak/behave honestly? Hm, maybe because saying what one really feels can get them fired and there’s a very small divider between unemployment and homelessness.

This dude is in Milgram like ha, ha funny joke guys if I don’t get to work soon though I will end up homeless- I’ll have to move back in with my mother at best, showing her that I’m a failure as a son and person who couldn’t hack it as an adult or at worst, live on the street. Ha, ha if I lose my job, you better take responsibility warden. Every hour this dude spends in Milgram is an hour he is not getting paid. It's been two years; his shit is probably on the street or was taken by his landlord if it was worth enough.

Even though the everyone is dead theory would be the most boring resolution to this debacle, I hope it’s true because he definitely has nowhere to go back to at this point. I was recently joking about Mikoto’s landlord being Mu’s dad. He’s probably already exported all Mikoto’s furniture.

Now, in 2022 the homeless population in Japan was rounded off to be 0%. This is because the homeless population in Japan currently sits at a little over three thousand people. This is far less than other countries but the 0% here does not mean no homeless individuals exist. This drop in homelessness was related to the pandemic. In response to Covid-19 cybercafes in Japan were shutdown. This was a bit of an issue since most of the homeless there used these cafes for shelter.

In order to fix this issue, they allowed homeless people to take residence in empty hotels and began working on reforms to fight against homelessness. Which is great news, but Mikoto wouldn’t know that. So, his concern is very much still valid. If he believes he didn’t kill anyone and this mistake will all be sorted out of course it makes more sense for him to concern himself with what may happen after.

Viewing it that way, it is reasonable for this to be his biggest concern. Because he can’t live here forever, and he has responsibilities as he keeps saying; HE’S A WORKING ADULT!

Unlike everyone else within Milgram. Kazui has no job, Shidou has job security and is considered an essential worker outside of Milgram, and EVERYONE ELSE IS NOT A WORKING ADULT! Even counting Yuno for the work she does- She’s more financially well off than Mikoto and still living with her family. It would be nice for people to grasp what it means to have your entire life and fiscal safety banking on who likes you or how well you perform. Along with the amount of mental stress that can put a person under.

This ties into the first interpretation of the King of Cups as well. Where we went over why this card possibly remains the same throughout both readings, “This card stays the same because throughout the spreads Mikoto’s situation hasn’t changed only the person or system administering punishment has.”

In the end Mikoto has still moved from one situation where he had no control over his life or feelings to another.

Before Mikoto is brought into Milgram, he’s just a 23-year-old office employee that lives alone in a small apartment. He has no one to financially depend on but himself. Unlike other characters. He either doesn’t have this support because he doesn’t want to make his family worry and hasn’t asked, or his family doesn’t have it like that anyway and wouldn’t be able to help. He didn’t live his life this way because of low self-esteem or a lack of faith in himself.

It was a meticulously planned out response for the sole purpose of avoiding poverty. He literally could not afford to dream.

Okay, okay Gunsli but is poverty in Japan really that similar to that in other countries? Well according to Japan Today, The Nippon Foundation, and The Borgen Project; yes. Yes, it is.

An article on The Borgen Project website titled “10 Facts about Poverty in Japan” from July 12 of 2020 states,

“1. Less than one percent of Japan is homeless. As of 2018, Japan has a population of 126.5 million people. According to the latest Ministry of Health, Labor, and Welfare statistics, Japan’s current homelessness figure stands below 5,000. This is a steady decline from nearly 26,000 people without homes in 2003. While this appears to be a remarkable feat of social reform, the truth is that the Japanese government commits millions of dollars every year to ensure homelessness remains low. The goal is to ensure that the Japanese economy appears strong. In reality, poverty in Japan is increasing. The dozens of government reforms Japan enacts each year are extremely costly and are approaching unsustainability.”

This is the same percentage we highlighted in the previous statement regarding homelessness. That information came from Tomorrow City in an article titled “HOMELESSNESS IN JAPAN: THE COUNTRY WITH THE SMALLEST PERCENTAGE OF HOMELESS PEOPLE” published on December 13, 2022. The Borgen article goes on to state,

“2. Japan is “the most equal major society” in terms of wealth distribution. According to the Statista Research Department, a total of 92% of the Japanese population has anywhere from $10,000 to $1 million in either assets or wealth. On paper, these figures appear to demonstrate an extremely healthy economy; however, they hide the fact that poverty in Japan is well over 16%. The notion that 92% of Japanese citizens fall into some category of “wealthy” may be misleading, serving as a straw-man statistic booster.

“3. A rising percentage of individuals in Japan are poverty-stricken. Japan has seen a huge and sudden rise in poverty and poor economic conditions, especially since 2012. According to The Guardian, 3.5 million Japanese children live in poverty-stricken homes. Since 1991, poverty has increased as a systemic problem for Japan, reaching 16.3% this past year. This figure could continue to rise dramatically as the working population decreases.”

And

“5. Japan pours a ton of resources into battling unemployment. Poverty in Japan entered an unprecedented era of severity after a major drop in workforce members in 1991. Before 1991, unemployment hovered just below 2% for decades, then rose drastically to nearly 6% by 2002. In fact, this singular event nearly toppled Japan as a world economic leader. Today, Japan has returned to a nearly 2% unemployment rate, although the country has had to pour a huge amount of financial resources in order to accomplish this stabilization. The country still has not fully recovered.”

The Nippon Foundation Article titled “Addressing Child Poverty” that briefly goes over research results from December 2015 that analyzed how childhood poverty negatively impacted Japan overall states,

“Japan’s rate of child poverty is above the OECD average. Overall, the rate has been rising since the 1980’s, and today one in seven children lives in poverty.​ The child poverty rate shows the percentage of children under the age of 18 who live in relative poverty. Relative poverty is defined as having income of less than one-half the national median disposable income, which for a household of one parent and one child means a monthly income (including public assistance) of 140,000 yen or less. Children raised in these households are at an extreme disadvantage in terms of medical care, meals, schooling, and prospects for higher education, and there is a clear trend of these children being unable to escape from poverty in the future.”

It then goes on to state that these children in poverty are technically costing the government more money and hurting the overall economy so it should be fixed. Which well they’ve got the spirit I guess- Anyway, JapanToday published an article on June 12, 2022 titled “Poverty in Japan Spreading and Deepening” that stated,

“TOKYO- Working 12 hours a day six days a week, Tohoku taxi driver “Junpei Noda” (a pseudonym) earned 280,000 yen a month. He didn’t know how well off he was.

It’s barely a living wage, but living with his parents he got by all right. But at 45 he’d had enough of his parents. One day, “on an impulse,” he left, went to Tokyo, flung himself into the arms of fate – which received him coldly. Six months later COVID-19 struck, dashing the hopes of this casual laborer who thought he’d found a haven of sorts working part-time at a ramen restaurant.

Poverty in Japan is spreading and deepening, says Spa (May 24-31). The pandemic was bad enough. Now there’s Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, with the worldwide economic havoc it’s wreaking. The poor get poorer, the near-poor go under, and indigence becomes a hole that almost anyone, given a bad move or a bad break – or a pandemic, or a war – can fall into – tomorrow if not today, next month if not this.”

Going on to state,

“Single mothers, pensioners and the precariously employed are especially vulnerable. “Yumi Iikura,” 48, raises two teenage daughters on her earnings as a nursing home caregiver. Sometimes working 15-hour shifts through the night until 9 a.m., she barely covers household expenses of 200,000 yen a month. Soaring gas prices are the latest jolt. A car might seem a dispensable luxury, but isn’t. Distance from her workplace is the price she pays for affordable rent. The 50-km commute was a tolerable nuisance. Now it’s a financial catastrophe.”

So, yes, poverty is a problem and tends to be one in most countries regardless of how affluent they look from the outside.

If Mikoto’s family didn’t have money, how was he ever going to go to an expensive college? Was he supposed to get a baseball scholarship? Ever consider he tried that and that’s why he says this,

Q.02 Have you ever played baseball?

Mikoto: I was really big on it when I was in high school. Though I wasn’t particularly good at it or anything. Even now if I’m feeling pent up from work, I still sometimes practice swinging.

An article published on September 23, 2021 by Asia Options titled “Unlocking Sports Opportunities in Japan” states,

“Many universities will offer their students, who have achieved a high level of athletic achievement, financial support through the awarding of scholarships. Scholarships for high performing athletes provide financial aid ranging from 50,000 to 100,000 yen for individual athletes and scholarships organised for university sports teams.”

Could it be he picked up baseball in high school not because he liked it but because it could possibly lead to a scholarship? Yet, it didn’t, so now he considers himself not very good at it. Because if he were good at it then he would’ve gotten a scholarship, right?

So, it’s not difficult to imagine him internalizing not being good enough if this is an avenue he pursued.

Sport Universities are briefly touched on in one of Kazui’s statements. On 20/06/07 when Amane asks Kazui to help her study he says,

Kazui: Hm? Haha, asking yet another question that’s hard to answer. I mean, I did graduate from university, so I’d say I’m reasonably…… ah, but it was just a sports university so maybe not…… I’m not especially confident.

Hm, I wonder if Kazui the six-foot wall was able to get a sports scholarship- Nah, sports scholarships and height have no proven correlation. This is sarcasm there is a correlation. Height is something that is generally valued when it comes to sports.

So, when committing the murders using the bat may not be Mikoto tarnishing something he loved but using one failure to take care of another. Really illustrating that, “My life, it wasn’t meant to be this way” line.

Baseball failed, his back up failed, everything was falling apart and no matter how he planned nothing seemed to work out as it should. No matter how amicable he tried to be, how flexible or helpful he attempted to come off as things kept going wrong. So, why not take out two of his frustrations at once?

“If I’m feeling pent up from work I still sometimes practice swinging.”

Something I find the most telling is Mikoto never lists Drawing or Baseball as a hobby even though he does them both. Instead, he chooses Cycling, Photography, Darts, and Shopping. Hobbies are something an individual usually does for fun because they like those things. These are the things he blatantly tells us he finds fun.

Even going as far to pick a completely different form of visual art and another sport. Supporting the idea that baseball and drawing may have just been another means to an end.

Wait- but Gunsli, Mikoto went to college, he graduated; if he was really poor, he wouldn’t have been able to go at all, right? Mikoto states to Amane,

“Even when it came to enrolling into college I sought out an arts university with low subject requirements.”

If the requirements to enroll were low than chances are Mikoto went to one Japan’s public colleges. Which would explain why when questioned about his drawing abilities he stated,

“No, not really… Of course, I could do the bare minimum needed to pass the entrance exam though. Even though it’s considered an arts university, there’s still subjects where one wouldn’t need to draw at all.”

It isn’t weird for Mikoto to have taken an entrance exam for a public college either since public colleges within Japan can still have entrance exams.

This is Mikoto’s issue, it’s not one singular thing, it’s his entire life. Just like he said in his first trial line,

“My life, it wasn’t supposed to be this way.”

This is also why he can’t complain because in a way he recognizes he did it to himself.

“If I could end, if I could stop how long would this dream go on?”

“If I could break it, if I could change- Can I do it? I wonder from when I started to give up. If I could lose it, if I could choose- Is this selfish? This isn’t too much is it?”

8/Outside Influences: 5 of Wands Reversed

In Mikoto’s tarot deck, the five of wands is represented by baseball bats in front of a red and blue moon. Keeping consistent with the format shown in the Ten of Wands. Throughout the tarot deck we see several interpretations of the moon. The Red Moon on the Devil and fool card, the Blue and Yellow moon seen on the Magician, the red and blue moon seen throughout most card iterations, the Yellow with a tinge of red moon on the five of swords, and the bluish black moon shown on the fool card.

Now, we’re going to go back to the King of Cups and Hangman cards for a moment. The Hangman was covered in the first set of five for this spread reading. Both of which are impressively long, but even if one was to read it to completion, it’s been a minute between posts. So, I doubt that information would be at the top of anyone’s mind at this point. We did go over these three colors before though. Yellow, Red, and Blue.

These are three colors prominently associated with the hangman card. I stated this in part one.

“The hangman is also associated with the motif colors of both of the Kayanos seen in MeMe. Red and Blue. It is also associated with yellow. In versions of the card the Hangman is depicted with golden blonde hair, yellow shoes, red pants and a blue shirt. The red is meant to represent the passion of humanity and the human form while the blue represents calm and reflective emotions. The yellow on the Hangman’s personage is meant to represent his intellect.”

Now since this is the first card of the spread, I had no way of knowing how important that minor detail would become. I’m not a walking encyclopedia of tarot knowledge. Nor do I have MeMe memorized from front to back. However, these colors begin to appear more integral the more the spread and the song are investigated. Particularly when it comes to the moons displayed with Mikoto’s design and the two’s association with them.

From this angle, we can discern which card is representative of what person. This is alluded to in MeMe when Mikoto sees his double through the mirror and the eyes on the tarot cards. Now if we consider the eyes on the cards to represent societal pressures and being observed by forces outside oneself. Something that is showcased more during trial 2. Particularly with the use of eyes in Backdraft, though all of the Milgram trial songs have eye imagery or imagery alluding to being watched throughout them.

Amane watching her music video near the end of Magic, Kazui being both a performer and audience member in Half, Shidou through the looks of his patients’ relatives, Yuno through the eyes of the plush rabbit in Tear Drop and the balloons in Umbilical.

I’ll cut to explain this one for a bit, because it can come off as vague or subjective. Firstly, yes, I do mean the balloons. The balloons shown throughout Umbilical represent Yuno’s relationship with society. One that seems to be of a give and take nature at a glance. Though when looked into, more alludes to a one-sided control since Yuno is the one shown to be blowing up and releasing these balloons.

This fits with the information we received from her second voice drama in regards to her being in these relationships for money and with the line we see in Tear Drop “The wanted wanting the wanter. The overlap, isn’t that some sort of perfection?” There’s a relationship in the Milgram novel quite similar to the one Yuno is describing here.

The prisoner by the name of Close discussed in the novel gets into a romantic relationship with the person harassing their close friend. Also, unimportant side note, really shady morality going on with that novel can’t believe the protagonist was voted innocent despite everything that happened being unmistakably her fault. Worst experiment ever, Jackalope was right, that thing was boring. However, the relationship between this guy and Close is one of service like the one Yuno’s statement implies.

They’re together because one has something the other wants. Close is only able to be with them because she is shown to be a threat capable of putting a stop to their desires. He realizes that Close likes him, probably because the one person she’s downright stated telling about it told him, if you know then you know.

The novel tries to cheekily cover up who told him this information by just saying I heard from someone but Close literally discusses in great detail who she talks to about this guy regularly. Even stating she may be talking about him to this person to an annoying degree. Regardless of who he overheard discussing it and when, he knows about her little crush and is willing to use it as a means of creating a scenario where they both win.

He offers to date her as long as she doesn’t report what he’s been doing to the teachers. Which she agrees to; she is not a victim in this situation and goes on to help him with his harassment of this other student. Just saying, she could have said no and been grossed out by his stalker behavior; instead she chose to use the upper hand she had for her own benefit then like foisted all the blame on this guy. Something multiple characters throughout the book do despite those same people having multiple opportunities to stop him before it got to that point.

Like, incredibly fucked up that they sat back, complacent in not stopping trouble from happening and then just claim victimhood once it does. Milgram book really had me fucked up, I was annoyed. However, in this case it’s helpful. At least when deciphering this line, “The wanted wanting the wanter.”

The wanted wanting the wanter. This means that whoever Yuno was interested in wanted her but only in one aspect like in the circumstances with Close. This is alluded to in Umbilical with the lines at the end, “Are we over? Please don’t answer. What do you want to do? Please tell me.”

Now at this point, I’m pretty much certain Yuno was partaking in pregnancy entrapment or at least attempting to. It’s been heavily alluded to if not all but stated Yuno on top of being an escort/rental girlfriend may have been partaking in sex work. I don’t know how it is where anyone else lives but where I live if a sex worker gets pregnant by one of their clients that’s a bit of an issue.

Especially since it’s usually not just assumed but at points expressly stated that they should be or will be using contraceptive. Such as the pill, that one thing they can literally put in a persons arm to stop them from getting pregnant, or female/male condoms. Yes, there are female condoms though having a male wear one is usually viewed as easier. They work similarly to tampons as in yeah it’s going in there but know what isn’t sperm.

The reason why these things are usually heavily considered is because a lot of patrons/customers of sex workers are married; at times even having multiple children or households already. So, avoiding kids is well incredibly important to not turn into a homewrecker. Yuno says the person most like her is Kazui someone known for hiding his feelings and being too cowardly to act on them, to his own admission.

Yuno laments about not being capable of being the sort of girl the one she likes is interested in. In Umbilical after she says she finally found it being a pregnancy and she goes into saying I messed up I found out she can be heard laughing and giggling to herself behind those lines. She’s pretending to be upset with the news that she’s pregnant because if it wasn’t an accident on her part and she is a sex worker than that makes it sexual assault.

Something that could easily ruin her reputation when it comes to doing that sort of work and stop her from getting money. Since that’s something generally frowned upon everywhere even when a person isn’t paying to have sex with someone else. She probably even used being 18 as an excuse for her error. Despite people familiar with Milgram knowing Yuno is a lot of things but uninformed isn’t one of them.

She quickly calls out adults like Mikoto, Kazui, and Kotoko. Recognizing quite quickly that Kotoko’s actions in the long run won’t change anything. Yet she states doing something out in the open like that won’t change anything, not that behaving in that way won’t lead to change. No, she basically goes showing your full ass like that, what an ignorant thing to do now everyone knows how you really are and will be wary. So, manipulating things discretely seems to be what Yuno does more so. She’s one to spring a pregnancy on a man and ask what do you want to do now. Despite the answer being rather obvious if she was a sex worker.

Like um not to be harsh, but I paid you for a service under the assumption that you were using contraceptive, possibly because you said you were. This is like if I paid someone to do house renovations and they got injured doing them; it’s like I thought you were going to take necessary precautions because you’re a professional, that’s why I hired you. What do you mean what am I going to do about this? Pay your medical bills, you fucked yourself up on your own equipment. They would have me fucked up, this is a job; the fucking sex work is work.

That means just as much as the worker can be exploited so can the customer. Especially if they have family and are secretly patrons to a specific worker cause that can be used as blackmail material for more money. Everyone is like Yuno got an abortion that’s her murder but do you know how fucked up it is she got pregnant to begin with if she’s a sex worker? Like has no one thought of the implications there.

What crazy adult that possibly has a family and is paying for sex is gonna be like, “No I really want to have this in the most unsafe way possible contraceptive be damned I want to ruin my life tonight. I want my kids to know I’m trash of the worst caliber and I’m gonna make sure the kids you have with me know too. I’m not loyal. I can’t pull nobody with just my personality so my money has to speak real loudly.” Then he just spends several minutes crying after like a bitch which is why in Tear Drop she’s like “Just smile.” So much.

I’m getting distracted talking about Yuno again. However, in Umbilical we see multiple balloons of different colors outside of Yuno’s. That seem to represent her clients. Presents highlighted with inverted colors also appear on the staircase. Those probably signify or are gifts the men Yuno has done this to have given her. Here are the shots that show balloons outside of Yuno’s.

The balloons also appear near the different versions of Yuno we see throughout Umbilical and Tear Drop. Possibly trying to show us which presentation of Yuno her clients favored or the ones associated with that outfit choice. The red and yellow balloons appear next to both Yuno in her school uniform and how we see her dressed in the car during Tear Drop. Alluding to more than one client knowing about both.

So, that’s super fun. Given people have been assuming that each Yuno represent separate clients. Instead of, well, the other option of her dressing to suit particular clients tastes and more than one person being able to enjoy her presenting a certain way. So, like with Mikoto here, all the characters have something alluding to the appearance they put on in front of others and how they actually feel during their songs.

Some prisoners are just blunter than others. Unlike Shidou and Yuno using balloons, gifts, and flowers. Given all of this, it wouldn’t be a stretch to speculate the moon could represent their own gaze. Since the balloons in Umbilical and the other versions of Yuno in Tear Drop can be used to represent both her and her clients, there isn’t much reason for the same logic to not be applicable here.

Jackalope claims in the second trial commencement notice that Milgram cannot restrain the other Mikoto unless he is out. However, we see Mikoto observe the other one in MeMe through the mirror then very promptly just forget about it because dissociative amnesia is bitch like that. The moon would be a good way to represent which one is currently out and who is just spectating or in the background. Ha, get it because it’s literally a part of the background of the cards.

This would serve to explain why the moon in The Fool card is so odd. Though it has edges of Mikoto’s light blue it also has darkened out spots that could very well symbolize him not being entirely aware or able to observe. Either because he blocked it out or other factors have caused him to not be able to see or remember it. Meaning the double would be out and in control at this time. The same moon on the Hangman can also be seen the beneath the hooves of the horse on the death card.

However, that means when it comes to The Devil card the one fronting would be Mikoto. Basically, all cards with a red moon in the background would be indicating the double is taking the backseat and the blue one would be indicating Mikoto is taking the backseat. Then what about the Yellow moon does this mean there’s a third Mikoto confirmed? One, dual personality representation is hard to come by, two they have really leaned into the whole Double thing, three we literally just went over how the things used to represent the prisoners in their mind can also be used to represent societies view of them.

Another prime example of that being the graffiti in Backdraft-

Perfectly illustrating how ones self-image can be impacted and warped by external factors. Something Mikoto’s tarot spread alludes to a lot. Now am I against the system idea? No. I’m just stating that certain forms of dissociative identity disorder are represented more than others and for the time being I’m enjoying having the other be represented as well. That and sadly I can’t find a way to stretch it so that more than two of them being around would make sense with the information provided and I’m not going to cherry pick in order to do so.

If anyone else can find facts that align with that, good.

No, in fact I believe it means the exact opposite. The first time the yellow moon is displayed in the tarot cards it is within The Hangman card where we see multiple eyes peering in at the bottom. The only time the moon is fully Yellow is when both Mikoto’s colors are taking a bit of a backseat. This is shown within the Five of swords, Ace of Cups, King of Cups, Queen of Cups, The Magician, The Devil, and for brevity any card depicting a Blue or red moon with bits of yellow.

As we went over during the Hangman depiction, Yellow is representative of intellect. Intellect is usually used to navigate tricky situations throughout life while taking into consideration usually not just the most efficient course but the most emotionally satisfying one for the participant. So, the yellow in the cards could represent this form of planning that Mikoto has shown off and alluded to having throughout trial one.

Further nailing this point home; in Mikoto’s shirt iteration of the card the moon behind the Hangman’s head is fully red with hints of yellow around the edges

Given all of this, it seems to be yet another aspect of society that is heavily impacting how the Mikoto’s view themselves and behave. This is why during its first and most prominent appearance within the deck it is accompanied by eyes and put directly behind an art figure that in the card version appears to be all yellow or at least much lighter than the one shown on the shirt as well. The shirt that has this design also lacks the red and darkish blue sky shown to be surrounding the moon in the card version.

This would mean that in the cards we see the red and blue moon they would be working together, both would be cognizant of what is going on, or both of their mindsets is impacting the situation. This is the same with cards that prominently display both of their colors. So basically, if it has all three of these colors all three are impacting their circumstances, two of those two things are impacting the matter, and so on. The cards with red and blue moons within MeMe are The Ten of Wands, and The Five of Wands.  

It seems as though the moon in tarot deck is being used as one big eye. This could mean in cards where it is not present, none of these factors are being heavily affected by someone’s view but if those colors are present the people associated with it are being affected by that card. Such as cards like The Queen of Swords.

Now onto what this means- The Five of Wands finds itself within the outside influences position of this celtic spread. Fittingly for the discussion we just had this card embodies the outside world and how it is impacting the querent’s situation. This is another reason we went through explaining all that with the colors and how yellow may represent society and Mikoto’s attempts to navigate around or within that.

So, what does the Five of Wands mean in that context simply put let’s go over the five of wands shall we-

Context I am still recovering from a mostly all-day outing of seeing the Barbie movie- So, bear with me. Because I want to do this in a bit of unique way. This is because the five of wands is a rather unique card. As such even though it’s reversed I want to go over both meanings. So, we all fully understand the dichotomy of this card and its severity.

The Five of Wands is usually depicted in a few ways. The traditional depiction is several people brandishing five large sticks the wands haphazardly fighting with each other. It can also be interpreted as these people carrying the sticks somewhere as their sticks clash with each other and they all do their own thing. Portraying a clear lack of cohesion and conflict within the group regardless of how one interprets it. The extent of the conflict can range from jovial competitiveness to ones of a more serious nature.

Then there is the modern depiction where there are usually five wands portrayed on the card one being held in the hand of an individual or no one holding them at all. Because this is a Five card there is bound to be conflict. Just like with The Five of Swords, Five of Pentacles, and the Five of Cups. All of which deal with a conflict whether they be emotional or environmental.

However, those cards aren’t conflicts forwards and backwards. The Five of Wands no matter how you turn it is conflict without end. This is why its traditional name is The Lord of Strife. Upright or Reversed you are suffering. There is no Yes for the Five of Wands if you get this in a yes or no tarot. If it is upright it is a maybe, it is a well try it. It is the fuck around and find out of tarot cards.

Now the Five of Wands embodies the necessity of conflict. Not all conflict ends poorly, people are bound to clash with each other and through these disagreements one can within reason foster community, understanding of the individual within the whole, and move forward from it better than where they started from. This is why forwards or backwards the conflict is there, it has not been resolved and it may never be. Because on top of telling the person receiving the reading fucking try it bucko but when you get bucked don’t come saying oh to me- Reversed it is a stark warning to pull back the conflict is over and you are reaching a point in whatever relationship you are in where beyond that you will do irreparable harm. This will cause a permanent break and you should cut your losses and get yourself in check.

The querent is being told to decide whether they want to die on this hill, if they want this relationship to die on this hill, if they’re willing to kill someone over this. If all the answers to those questions are no you wipe your hands of it and move on if you’re Mikoto, well…it’s time to brandish the wand.

Because there’s a real easy way to make your problems disappear and it’s just like magic. Just of a different kind. It’s the magic of you tried the wrong one today, I am ready to die on this hill actually, I have nothing to lose, and I will take you down with me. I am fine with mutual destruction if you met yours first. You think this card is going to fucking stop me?! I’ve been given several very clear warnings before this. In this same spread!

This card wants to fuck around, you want to fuck around well guess what we about to find out together and I’m about to find out how the ground looks with you in it.

Upright, the card highlights that there may be a conflict in the asker’s life. This conflict may already exist or be brewing beneath the surface just about to bubble over. It can allude to competition in areas that the querent is not used to such as work or school. In this new environment the asker may interact with people that have the same talents who will stir up feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, envy, and greed leading to internal conflicts.

In this situation the upright Five of Wands recommends that the person asking accepts these new forms of competition as a way of bettering themselves and to let go of any malice they hold towards these new people in their life.

The Five of Wands also suggests that there may be communication problems within a team due to a situation in which everyone wants to be heard but no one is really listening to anyone else. This may lead to miscommunications, animosity forming within the team, and no one being heard overall. Ultimately causing tension and anger to accumulate until the breaking point.

Upright the Five of Wands suggest for the person asking to mediate. Get the group to talk about their misgivings and possible insecurities to hopefully resolve them. Now, I bet a good deal of people are starting to get why this is reversed from the other cards in Mikoto’s spread. Firstly, we know that he’s possibly been having trouble communicating from The Queen of Swords and he’s not feeling generous with his communication skills not really wanting to use them for the benefit of whatever group he’s in as seen through The King of Cups.

So, we’ve hit the breaking point already, whatever conflict has arisen is already a dead end which leads us to the Five of Wands reversed-

Wait, don’t go leaving now! The Five of Wands reversed mixed with the past card being the Wheel of Fortune reversed gives us a clearer idea of what occurred here. Back when we were interpreting the past card the Wheel of Fortune reversed we said it could represent that the querent has been having tough times but they may be passing soon. Because it reminds everyone that all things in life will pass, regardless of if they are good or bad.

However, a tarot spread is not just it’s parts but the sum of them. Since the Five of Wands is here and expressly states that the conflict could be brewing below the surface or already occurred that gives more context to the Wheel of Fortune. Telling us that the conflict implied through the Five of Wands and the difficulties that the Wheel of Fortune was more than likely referring to in Mikoto’s past are the same thing and at the point of this reading it has yet to be resolved.

In fact, according to the Five of Wands, instead of resolving the issue Mikoto is doing his best to circumvent it. The Five of Wands in reverse alludes to the querent avoiding all conflict by exiting the situation as quickly as they possibly can, which at times is good but can lead to a lot of animosity and frustration building up internally not only for the other people involved but on the side of the querent as well.

While everyone else involved might be happy and unaware of the issue, the querent could be stewing all on their own with these misgivings and irritations or everyone involved could be as equally miserable. However, considering at least one of his coworkers were willing to meet him after hours at an underpass and didn’t seem too much like man fuck this guy about it- The animosity does not seem shared.

Since the issue has yet to be addressed in a satisfactory way to the them, this is leading to them internalizing their anger which will lead to more problems down the line. There are only so many times that someone can avoid something, hold their tongue, and push down their anger before they end up blowing up at just the wrong time.

Also, behaving in this way doesn’t necessarily stop the behavior that is causing the conflict to cease. It warns that as much as the querent has been avoiding the conflict that they will ultimately have to address it soon. There are many times in life where walking away is an option. Many people are conflict avoidant. The Five of Wands shows up strictly to go now is not the time to be that; stop walking be here, be present, and have this conflict like an adult.

Because avoiding conflict and being amicable one hundred percent of the time is not being a proper adult. Have the conflict set your boundaries because if you don’t it’s going to get worse. Just because a person believes that them saying something for their own benefit will suddenly make them the problem since everyone else is happy doesn’t mean staying quiet is a good thing. Because staying quiet isn’t going to change the fact that they themselves aren’t doing well and no one will know that unless they say something.

However, it becomes incredibly more complicated because what Mikoto was going through was work related. Meaning his feelings frankly don’t matter because that’s just how work environments are. Hence the emphasis on being a “working” adult. So, can a person really stop being amicable if the option is be that or unemployed?

Now we are EIGHT cards deep NINETY-FIVE PAGES into this word document counting everything outside of the tarot! This is in MS Reference Sans Serif font eleven first line indented single line spacing and includes pictures. These pictures are taking up some of these pages so don’t go thinking I’ve done a lot.

However, if you’ve read this far or didn’t want to read this far let’s give a quick rundown before the end. Because this is already long and I don’t know if it will all fit in one post.

So, let’s run this down real quick.

What have we learned from the tarot so far? Mikoto’s life sucks, he was possibly financially unstable most of his life and he saw acquiring steady employment as a way of avoiding financial hardship. So, even if his company was exploitative out the gate, chances are he wouldn’t really have the wherewithal to quit. During this I even joked with another person who likes the series about how funny it would be if Mu’s dad was Mikoto’s landlord.

I discussed why it would be difficult for Mikoto to just leave his job previously when highlighting the tarot before, but this adds to that difficulty while showcasing the environmental factors that would lead Mikoto to making the decisions he did and viewing himself the way he does. This also serves to reckon with the fact that he went undiagnosed for so long. It’s not only that Dissociative Identity Disorder is difficult to diagnose, there’s also the financial factors around pursuing diagnosis and mental health treatment in any country.

Things like that take multiple sessions with a therapist to even break into. Something that, if not covered by one’s insurance provider, could cost hundreds of dollars for just one hour. Mikoto is 23 when he’s incarcerated in Milgram, this leaves him right in the vague generational area between 1995-2002 a contentious period when it comes to generational labels because no one can decide if those years of time count as Millennial or Gen Z or the secret third thing, Generation Katniss. Making that span of time a lost and vague generation with no real classification.

However, one thing people can agree on, is different years during that stretch of time are associated with more than one generation. Now, why is this stretch of time being a generation in and of itself important? Well, it's very telling. It’s a point in time in which we did have internet but it was in it’s early stages. We also had mental health services on paper but not everyone had them. In fact, everyone still doesn’t have them. Multiple disorders go undiagnosed in children of certain races and income. It’s such a common thing for the system to fail certain types of children that they call it slipping through the cracks where I am.

People are generally less inclined to care about screwing you over, neglecting, or downright overlooking you if you grow up under a certain income level or as a certain type of person. The medical educational system isn’t built for everyone and people go overlooked all the time. It’s very common and it’s usually somehow the person who slipped through the cracks job to climb back out of it. This means Mikoto doesn’t lack faith in himself because he’s naturally not confident or solely due to his home life.

There are multiple environmental factors that can impact a person’s confidence in their abilities. People are not only the byproduct of their parents but the environment they are raised in. We are all walking long form equations and every instance in our lives is just another piece of the formula. When you only focus on the part in the round brackets you miss the rest of the problem. It’s easy to think you aren’t good at anything when your environment tells you aren’t.

When you can’t get scholarships, barely get into a college with low entry requirements, or just manage to get the job you were aiming for after who knows how many attempts. It’s easy to feel ones life wasn’t meant to be this way when you plan, and plan, and plan but no matter how well you plan. How far in advance you prepare. Fuck, even if you work backwards with your end goal in mind. Your legs keep moving, your mind keeps planning, thinking this time, this is when we’ll reach the end point, this is when I’ll have finally done it.

Then the goal moves and it moves and it moves. The tasks keep piling up you seem to be moving you feel the forward momentum this situation isn’t like the last because you’re better off than where you started and the goal feels right there. IT FEELS CLOSER THAN IT EVER HAS. It is right there. It’s not a dream, a delusion, fool’s gold shining in the water it is right there. The way out something to hope for as long as you’re willing to do whatever it takes to keep going forwards because you don’t want to fail right?! You already know what failing looks like; do you want to go back to that?

It's not even like you’re asking for much. Don’t want to be rich, just well off enough to be comfortable to do freelance. Dictate your own schedule maybe do something you want to do for once instead constantly be in survival mode, because the moment you screw up that’s it. You’re poor and on the streets; are you gonna ask your mom for help move back in with her when you probably know what her finances are like already? If you work harder, you can succeed even beneath a system that’s designed for you to fail.

That’s Amane and Mikoto’s problem. They both believed there was a way out of their situations; if they just did what was asked of them, eventually they’ll treat me better, my abilities will be recognized. It’ll work out as long as I try harder. If in Magic Amane is in the process of trying, in MeMe Mikoto is at the outcome of his efforts. Yet, both their efforts led to the same conclusion; swinging a wand down as they try make their problems disappear.

Now since this has gotten long enough, in the next one we’ll be discussing the rest of the first reading and going into the conclusions. I would appreciate hearing feedback and opinions on this if anyone reads it.  Secondarily, there’s a lot I have written about Mikoto separately already but I’m focused on doing this in order. It’s been fun seeing some of the thoughts I had typed down come to fruition in tiny ways throughout trial two.

I know it’s a lot and, well, it’s not all about Mikoto but the prisoners all overlap with each other in interesting ways. I think the pairings shouldn’t be the only time prisoner comparisons are made. Especially since the characters themselves compare themselves to people outside of their pair. I think out of everyone the person Mikoto has the most in common with and works best as a foil to him is Amane. Which could be part of why he has difficulty in speaking with her. Other than that yeah I’ll try to finish the last two cards when I get the chance.

However, I have a lot of family stuff and I’ve been writing this mostly on my own.  It takes longer for me to process information so I do have to step back and actively do other things to fully process and better vocalize or even just figure out what it is I want to say. If I can do all this and I’ve seen all the creativity and consideration others in the fandom put into their ideas and theories.

I would encourage people write more stuff about their favorites and really take into the consideration how they not only work on their own but with the other prisoners. The conclusions you come to by doing that could just surprise you. Though you don’t gotta do it to this extent. Trust me, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t have to. I’m actually chained up in a basement by Star, the way Mahiru allegedly had her lover and she’s currently forcing me to write all these theories. Help….

(>:- p)

[actualbird]

Hi Zak!! This is a pretty random ask but i was just wondering if you have any tips for starting a fanfic/story? I just keep getting stuck on how to start one (I really love your work/blog 🙏 feeds my tot brain rot fr!!)

hi anon, im glad you like the stuff i make ;w; !!! and ohhh, sure i got tons of tips for that!.....so many that i actually wish i cld get u back here to ask what specifically about starting a story u'd want tips on but for now, i'll go for a general overview :D!!

cuz....to me (i.e. based on my writing process, which i'll be drawing heavily from for these tips), the act of Starting comes in three distinct steps, one after the other:

Idea Generation (what is the story gonna be about and how do i get ideas for that?)

Concept Organization/Outlining (how is the story going to be about this idea and how will i be executing it?)

Creation (GAH, HOW PUT WORDS ON PAGE!?!?!?)

so i'll give general tips for all three!!!

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Idea Generation Tips

(this is the step that i personally have the least trouble with because my brain makes 5 new ideas every day. it's kinda a curse now because it leads to me having too many wips and concepts and only 1% of them gets to the Creation period jhvjhVJKSHFVHJS BUT ANYHOO, TIPS-)

Check Out Prompt Lists (super fun and easy way to get an idea! theres tons of story and fic prompts out there that you can search up here on tumblr, some of them being lists of lines of dialog or lists of AUs or scenarios. even if you dont follow a prompt exactly, they can be great at kickstarting ur brain into thinking of something related that you Do wanna pursue)

Open/Ask For Prompt Requests (if ur brain doesnt have any ideas, u can ask around and see if anyone ELSE has ideas theyre alright with you writing! my tot fics "reviews for Time's Antiquities, South Stellis | Average Rating: 4.8 Stars" and "but little do we know, the stars welcome him with open arms" were both inspired by anon asks i got!! to those anons who sent those asks, i owe u my life....but yea, maybe other people can give ideas to you! or, again, give Something that can inspire another thing in ur brain to take shape)

Just Ramble With A Friend (SO MANY OF MY FIC IDEAS started because i was just goofing off and playing idea volleyball with fandom buddies in our DMs (shoutout to sam samsspambox, z lukevonhagen, and beck beckthebeetle for being the main culprits of this). like, what started out as a joke conversation eventually makes go "oh no wait i actually wanna see that as a fic" and then boom, Idea Has Been Acquired. but fr, talking with another person makes your brain create things u never thought about before. it's both tons of fun to chat with a buddy as a sounding board, and it yields awesome concepts for stories!)

For Fanfic Specifically, Think About What You Want To See In Canon But Hasn't Happened And You Want It So Bad It's Driving You NUTS (this can be anything from missing scenes you wish were expanded on, scenes you wish went a different way, character relationships you wish you could see more of in canon, go nuts! the fun thing with fanfic is that it's a fertile playground for all the what-ifs, and a lot of my fics' ideas were simply found because i thought "man i know tears of themis is never gonna show me deep found fam moments/artem ptsd consequences after main story 6.2/mariluke, so imma make it myself" JHVSJDHF. ideas are hard to make sometimes, but brains are so good at desiring things. and all those desires? those can also be Ideas for a fic!)

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Concept Organization/Outlining

(very much skippable if your writing style/personality is more receptive to free-wheeling!! im just the type of writer who always needs an outline to begin something. it helps me structure a raw idea with no shape into something clearer that i can envision a story for)

Outline A Rough Chain Of Events Chronologically (this can be as simple as three bullet points, what happens at the Start of the story, the Middle, and the End. or maybe you can go list down the portions of your fic according to the Freytag's Pyramid Plot Structure: Exposition, Inciting Incident, Rising Action, etc etc.)

Outline A Rough List Of Stuff You Just Want To Happen In The Fic (if your brain is like mine and isnt too great at chronological thinking, make a list of just all the plot points and events or even dialog exchanges u Want to see in the fic. you can organize it in the order u want later once uve put everything down)

Outline The Themes (moving away from plot, many stories are more focused on feelings or characterization or themes. so make a list of the Concepts you want to tackle. this is something i do for my fics that are more introspective, so i outline shit like "EVENT THAT MAKES LUKE INTERNALIZE SELF-LOATHING followed by EVENT THAT MAKES LUKE'S VIEW BE NOTICED BY ANOTHER CHARACTER")

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Creation

(the worst part of writing....is the writing JAVFJVSDKHFDJHJ but nah fr this is the part i have the hardest time with, so here are tips that help me kickstart the word engine)

You Dont Have To Start Writing The Fic From The Beginning Of Its Story, Start Writing Wherever (confession: a good 75% of my fics are ones where the first scene i actually wrote down was not the start. instead, i just wrote the scene i was most excited to write. and usually thats somewhere in the middle! i do this cuz it makes my brain happy, and a happy brain is much easier to pull words from than a sad brain. plus, when i see the scene I Like Best already written, it gives me motivation to do the rest of the fic because oh my god i want everybody to sEE THIS ONE DANG SCENE!!! start writing the fic at whatever point you want, in whatever order comes most naturally to you, is my point. you can fill the rest in later, but hey, starting to write where you Want has gotten you Started. now you just gotta finish, and finishing when you already have something down is much easier than starting from 0)

Set Tiny Wordcount Goals. And When I Say Tiny, I MEAN TINY!!! (writing is intimidating but if you set a goal of say, 100 words written for a wip per day, at the end of one week, you'll have 700 words. at the end of two, you'll have 1400 words. at the end of a month, 3000. small goals help since it makes you do Something, and that Something will inevitably compound, no matter what goal uve set. and let urself be proud of the goals uve achieved!!! writer brain gets happy when you tell it it's done a good job at reaching a wordcount goal, and like i said earlier, happy brain is much easier to work with than sad brain)

Give Yourself All The Time You Need (i know this sounds counterproductive but sometimes....the best thing you can do for the part of your brain that wants to start creating....is waiting til it's ready. dont pressure yourself, cuz brain will get sad. dont be too hard on yourself, cuz brain will get sad. start when you want to start in the way that works best with your brain and see where things go, but be patient with yourself. sometims Starting is actually the longest part of writing a story and thats fine. it will happen. trust)

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thats all the tips ive got! and of course, what will work for me wont always work for other people, so please feel free to take what you think applies to you and discard what doesnt resonate.

i hope some part of this can help! happy writing :D

[enobariasdistrict2]

clove for the ask game!!!!!!

send me a character and i'll tell you:

my first impression:

so she was kinda just some random villain at first actually lmao, when i was reading the books i wasn't really as compelled by her because she was just some weird knife girl that kept trying to kill katniss

my impression now:

thanks to isabelle fuhrman's incredible acting skills that made her like this sweet but sarcastic vicious person who's a little bit unhinged, i adore her so much! she's my favorite knife girl character and i stand by her no matter what like that's not a villain, that's my favorite mean knife bitch who i love so much

favorite thing about the character:

i feel like i could list so many things. i love how much violence she is in such a small package and how she goes after what she wants with an almost feral single minded determination, as well as the sweetly sarcastic attitude she perfected in her interview with caesar. also her obsession with knifes is fairly cool

least favorite thing about the character:

tbh i honestly don't really fault her for it and was never particularly aggravated by it but i can see how her making fun of the death of a 12 year old child was a little off putting

favorite line/scene:

wanna blow lover boy one last kiss?... now, we're gonna kill you. -- and also her line in the interview about how she was the best at knives and could kill caesar from across the stage, isabelle put so much into that.

favorite interaction that character has with another character (i don't think anyone will be surprised by my choice if they've spent even 5 seconds on my blog):

cato kneels beside clove, spear in hand, begging her to stay with him. in a moment, he will realize it's futile. she can't be saved.

a character that i wish this character would interact with more:

hmm, i know climmer and cloveniss are popular options for female friendships and i would love both those dynamics but i feel like clove would get along very well with d4 girl? and i just want to know d4 female tribute better as well but luckily that's what good fanfiction is for

another character from another fandom that reminds me of this character:

hope mikaelson from legacies, specifically in s4 when she was in her no humanity era

a headcanon about this character:

it might look like she was reaped and just had the training to be prepared for her name being drawn at random but based on the career culture of wanting strong worthy kids to represent them, i think d2 would be a lot more intentional about who they send in and would inform the escorts as well as the tributes in advance of which tribute would go in which year, so clove knew she had been assigned 74th like at least one or two years earlier. there's also a Reaping brawl where anyone pissed off about not being chosen can fight the volunteer to take his or her place and clove had to fight off 3 different girls just to claim her spot.

a song that reminds me of this character:

vicious by bohnes, eat your young by hozier, as well as young god and hurricane both of which were written by halsey

an unpopular opinion about this character:

i think it's widely agreed in the fandom that she's slightly tougher than cato and more willing to strike him down regardless of her emotional attachment to him, so idk that her winning in between them is an unpopular opinion. however i do think there's no way her and cato knew each other beforehand - which might certainly be an unpopular opinion to clato fandom - in the context of being childhood best friends, probably at most training partners, because i firmly believe their bond grew specifically in the games and it was there where they felt connected and began to care about each other a little too much. (i'm not trying to be a bitch i LOVE all of the clato pre-games best friends AUs on ao3 and eat them up, i just think that canonically they didn't have an established relationship especially because the districts must have large populations).

favorite picture:

it's hard to choose but i love this one (ignore cato in the background he doesn't matter as much as my best girl):

she looks so pretty and dolled up and put on a sweet persona for caesar/sponsors but she's also annoyed and bored in a deadly, beautiful way at the same time!!

[tallangrycockatiel]

Fic Writer Interview

Tagged by @sinni-ok-sessi!

How many works do you have on AO3? 12

What’s your total AO3 word count? 108,695, the vast majority of them being written in a single fic, last year

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

All that is mine to me, all that is yours to you,

Not alone, maybe lonely,

A Nice Cup of Tea,

Off-Script,

and John's Turn.

All of those are for Malevolent except for A Nice Cup Of Tea, which is Rusty Quill Gaming and also the first fic I ever published on AO3, so I kind of love that it's still up there. Not Alone and John's Turn are Malevolent/Venom crossover, but I don't think they get much interest from people who are into the massive fandom and not the tiny one, there.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I mostly don't, because I never know what to say and don't want to end up just spamming "thanks!" to everyone? Feels like it would just come across as awkward and insincere. I'll respond if someone asks me something, or if someone comments on something specific that I had Thoughts and Feelings about.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Let every knee be bent and every tongue confess, by a country mile. Everything else finishes somewhere between bittersweet and straight-up happy. That one's tagged as "emotional hurt no comfort".

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? I too write quite a bit about learning to live when you don't really want to, and the all-around happiest ending has to be All that is mine to me, all that is yours to you. A lot of the others don't have endings so much as leaving-off points - which is intentional! - but I comfort-read the last chapter of ATIM semi-regularly.

Do you write crossovers? Yeah, Bodysharers Anonymous, the not-marked-finished Malevolent/Venom crossover series. I have two other ideas to add to this. Maybe I'll even write them someday.

Oh yeah there's also the extremely cracky Sailor Moon/Ouran High School Host Club crossover I wrote nearly a decade ago, maybe I'll dig that up and publish it some day for laughs.

Have you ever received hate on a fic? I have had one person kinda sorta imply that they thought I was plagiarising, then walk it back.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yop. 99% of it is unbearably soft they're-in-love-your-honour kind of stuff, and the other 1% is, uh, tentacles.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? No - why would anyone do that, I write for teeny fandoms only.

Have you ever had a fic translated? No, again with the teeny fandoms I guess.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? No but I think that could be fun!

What’s your all-time favorite ship? My brain has been majority Arthur/John thoughts by volume for the last year or so; I can think of plenty of other characters that have consumed me this strongly in the past, but no other ships come to mind.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? Only Fear Me Not is probably never going to get finished, but I don't have the heart to mark it as abandoned.

What are your writing strengths? Character voices, and I think I'm pretty good at tension and pacing as well.

What are your writing weaknesses? I will use the same verb ten times per paragraph if I am not physically stopped, and they will all be held together by several hundred semicolons.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? I have done, for exactly one line in Choose Your Words where Albert Einstein swears in German, as part of a conversation about swearing in different languages. I'm not strong enough in any language other than English to do more than that, I think.

What was the first fandom you wrote for? Sailor Moon, it's somewhere way back on my tumblr blog but you know how that goes. Again, might put it up on AO3 someday.

What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to? My brain keeps sneakily suggesting that I write something for The Goblin Emperor series, because I do love a sad wet eldritch detective, but there is so much worldbuilding in those books and I'm scared. I also have wips for like five other fandoms that I might get around to one day.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? The more I think about this the more my answer changes, I love them all for different reasons, but All that is mine to me, all that is yours to you was The Achievement of my 2023 and I am so goddamn proud of it, and I hope I always will be.

tagging: @docholligay

[chevelleneech]

This people changing their opinions of members based on what others are saying is something we're seeing for yrs especially with jikook and jm. Last year i came across a blog who recently got into jikook because they watched jungkook's live "jimin-centric" like to be specific and they thought there might be something going on, they followed other jkk bloggers and i saw them saying this how they're new this that and boom months later i found this person in jkk tag saying what not about jm as how he deserves the "critisism" he gets from shippers because of his own Actions, called him bitch in another post and I'm like????? Cause they literally started as like jm fan and months later they're calling him names? And guess why was it like this? It was because they started following Tkkrs too and they started agreeing Tkkr's theories of how the company is hiding taekook and is pushing down jikook in ppl's throat etc. I was kinda shocked even tho it wasn't anything new but still. But to each their own. If you're willingly believing things that contradict reality because you got this angsty bl drama like fantasy then what can we do about it? Mind you all of that happened after Taennie's. Paris walk and yet they're willing to believe it's the company's plan then i wish they stay in that lane and get the biggest slap in a few years. It's not about jikook being real or anything but it's them believing jikook is just pushed by the company and what not.

That does suck, but I’m not sure it’s really comparable to what frustrates me about this situation with Frankie. A fan falling into the trap of shit talking another member is pretty standard fandom shit. It’s not even specific to BTS. People get into new things and have their own opinions, but then they meet a person they want to impress who feels differently, leading them to a group of people who think differently. So then they get swept up and change their whole opinion. Or they had those ideas buried deep to begin with, and chose to let them color their entire experience within the fandom.

For example, I know for a fact I have opinions about things the members say and do that, if I went looking for antis or toxic fans who share the same opinions, could turn me into an anti or toxic fan, so not because I’d be discussing those opinions. However, seeing as I’m aware of my opinions and also aware that I do enjoy the bulk of what is being shared with us from BTS, it’s easy to just let those opinions sit in the dark. Why? Because they’re not necessary to bring into the light, because then I’d have to defend myself and my opinions as being my own and not personal attacks against the members. So it’s better to interact with people who share my joy, than with people who will misconstrue my opinions as being full fledged agreement with their hatred.

Point is, I don’t think Frankie is in the middle of having his opinions changed, because he hadn’t formed any real opinions yet. What’s happening is that he unfortunately was given info he genuinely thinks is correct, so any opinions he’s about to form will be misguided. Meaning at some point, he’s going to have to unlearn what he currently thinks are facts of the situation, and I don’t have too much hope that he will. Mainly because he seems like a genuine dude who probably won’t put up with the back and forth for very long. If he does continue to react, it might be strictly their music and music related content, and nothing to do with their personalities. Which is sad, because they have great personalities and friendships with one another. Tkkrs just hate that, so in their eyes no one else is allowed to enjoy it.

[the-lavender-creator]

could I please have some more of my favorite pathetic wet cat- I mean Toralei? Preferably something angsty. I just want her to suffer. A lot. Preferably thunder angst. If you can’t tell by now I’m a whore for thunder angst. And proud of it. Anyway. I want angst. Like a gallon of it. Oooo let me think. Okay so remember when you wrote the thunder fic and there was a line where Clawdeen was all like ‘I don’t know who told you it was bad to be afraid. But they’re wrong’. Or something like that.

WELL TIME TO FIND OUT! So! I’m obviously gonna blame Raterina- Oop I mean Caterina (no I don’t. Im lying) anyway. Let’s say Raterina shows up to check on her daughters progress. Idk like a literal queen leader of the were society would. Make sure the school is up to her daughter’s standards and all.

Well you guessed it! Theirs another storm! Except this time Toralei can’t slink away to her room with Clawdeen. Cause her mom is here! And like. The boo crew is too. And the group hadn’t been like. Officially told Toralei is scare of thunder or anything. But like. They kinda just. Know from past experiences. (Like the origin fic) and just other times toralei has been on edge specifically during a storm. And they might make a comment about it whenever toraleis being especially mean, but they never like truly make fun of her for it. Cause that would be so unlike monster high.

Buuuuut Caterina notices Toralei’s clear discomfort with the storm and immediately berates her. Probably very loudly and meanly. Basically shaming the fear out of her. Probably some stupid high class talk about how rulers don’t fear sounds or what not. Emotional manipulating bullshit on how it’s weak and bad to feel. That stuff.

And like. Toralei was already on edge and now her moms berrating her for it. So she’s probably a good five seconds from crying. And the Boo crew has seen all of this and they all kinda unanimously think ‘Ok. We don’t really like toralei but we all agree we don’t like her mom much more’ so they all kinda burst into action. Half of them slide in to defend Toralei. The others secretly create some distraction. And then once Raterina is thoroughly distracted, that’s when Clawdeen slides in and slips away with Toralei unnoticed. Where they deal with the storm together. (Oh and Clawdeen of course has to stare very clearly that everything toraleis mom just said was utter bullshit and fear is not weak and Toralei is not a weak monster for feeling it).

Famn. That was long. So sorry about that. Did I mention I love thunder angst?

you of course don’t have to write this. I just thought it would be a fun new part of the Toradeen series (featuring the boo crew somewhat accepting toralei as their own and defending the fuck out of her)

Much love! Thanks for putting up with my rambly prompts! ❤️❤️❤️

This one was originally meant to apply to my Furious Fur and Calming Claws series, but I decided to do something a little different! (Also, please send future prompts to my writing blog @vwritesawholelothm!)

Many thanks to @hodgepodgeoffandoms for beta reading!

Fandom: Monster High (Cartoon 2022) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Toralei Stripe/Clawdeen Wolf, Minor Cleo de Nile/Frankie Stein Characters: Toralei Stripe, Clawdeen Wolf, Catarina Stripe, Frankie Stein, Lagoona Blue, Meowlody (Monster High), Purrsephone (Monster High), Cleo de Nile, Draculaura (Monster High), Headless Headmistress Bloodgood Additional Tags: Thunder and Lightning, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Catarina Stripe is a Bad Mother, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Childhood Memories, now that i think about it this is basically the plot of Descendants lmao, canon is a mere suggestion at best

Summary: The talisman owed to Catarina Stripe pops back up when Serena Wolf's daughter finds her way to Monster High. Like mother like daughter, Toralei takes it upon herself to snatch the pendant right under Clawdeen's nose, to present to her mother in a bid for love.

How fitting that her means of stealing involves inspiring a certain love, as well.

[nicely-done]

kinda thinking about stuff based on a sort of weird ask an artist I follow got

The ask was basically a “how come I can’t make a fandom around this new story you did” bc the artist is selling a sort of abstraction of their own experiences as a comic using what they enjoy

don’t think I gotta explain how rude that actually is, and I’m not writing this as a “oh I’m so much better” type thought

But having been on tumblr I had interacted within fandoms, but I don’t really recall any of them, it was mainly ask blogs, and I even created a few short lived ones bc it just wasn’t interesting for me (and one case where the only other person who knew about the obscure anime went and drew cp of one of the main characters so? I was gone. Can’t enjoy that anymore, really wish I could. But I have that image burned in my mind and when I confronted them they refused by the “technically an adult” excuse even though this was a character shown at different ages, weird how they wouldn’t use the adult version but they didn’t like me saying that.)

The only real “fandom” I’ve ever actually been concretely into is Pokémon, but after I grew up more I didn’t make original characters who were Pokémon, and while I tried to rp I didn’t understand how it worked, so I mostly made up stories for myself that were just things I wanted, where Pokémon was the vehicle and medium

I enjoy creating aus for things I like if it works? But I wouldn’t say I’m a fandom person. The way tumblr(the culture of a portion of the site) looks at fandom has always been strange to me, even as I hyperfixate. I kind of thought something was wrong with me…? Like was I consuming media wrong? I don’t ship often, or think too far into headcanons, I mainly take it apart and see what info is in the media. I may draw conclusions but often this is done by myself

Often I’ll sort of enjoy something, maybe even love it, have a phase and then move on- if I talk about it w others it’s via analyzing it or just being excited about it, seeking out fanart… (blocking ppl who are Annoying or doing a They Would Not Fucking Say That or a weird version of the character that is bastardized)

If I put it in statistical terms it’s like I interpolate data (information) instead of extrapolate… like I go between points of info instead of going too far outside of the story, maybe because I’ve only ever seen one exploration of the concept that actually worked- one random disco elysium fic that essentially made its own new case for Kim and harry. Some things were a lil clumsy, but they actually were very careful w balancing characterization, themes, and ideas to create something new that wasn’t alienating. It was nice to finally understand how people talk about good fanfics. But uh, I avoided fanfic bc they usually alienated me due to inconsistencies or focused on shipping or a specific idea that didn’t really mesh

Idk, I have stories I hold dear to me, but fandom ocs usually either sorta die off or are adapted to a regular oc. I can make the number of ships I enjoy on one hand… I just like stories

[theemporium]

Genuine question anon back again! I did mean specifically online, and on Tumblr. I refuse to discuss Twitter. That’s a whole different as toxic environment. I would like to note that I have been blocking anybody that has been too extreme or hostile with their opinions of their favs or opinions. As long as they are respectful idc. They can say whatever they want.

I’ve been a Formula One fan IRL for years, and I feel like this is a different kind of discourse. I’m just new to like the side of this sport specifically on Tumblr. This past season I’ve seen a fan wish that Max’s car would blow up with him in it, I’ve seen people make racist remarks about Lewis and Checo, I’ve seen Lance Stroll get outrageous amounts of hate for both being a paid driver, and not keeping up with his world champion teammate to the point where they wish he had just died in his Singapore crash. Ferrari fans coming after each other for the tension between Charles and Carlos. don’t get me started on the the Logan haters that just don’t like him because he’s American. Or the people that think that what the FII did to Susie Wolff had no root in misogyny whatsoever. I don’t get any of it. It’s a sport and a dangerous one at that. You can have your faves you can have your opinions that does not give you a pass to be a shitty human being. 

That’s just discussing the actual races themselves. I’ve even seen people get hostile over the fan fic they or their favs write. I saw somebody state that SMAU weren’t their favorite format, because they didn’t feel like they could get as attached to the plot, compared it to reading in the 1st person POV, and absolutely dog piled in the comments. even though the author had asked for peoples opinions. Did it seems like more and more of the fandom gets a while in a while or to the point where you don’t want to participate. I’d rather watch my races alone and just forced my friends to talk about it then have to put up with something like that. 

it is truly disgusting the things people say. wishing crashes and accidents in any sport (but especially one like this where lives have genuinely been lost) is just so vile and evil. i don't care what anyone says, if you wish death or something as traumatic as a life-changing crash, you are an evil human.

in terms of fandom, i have found myself kinda pulling away from the fandom itself and mostly just sticking to my own blog because a lot of the change in behaviour. even some blogs themselves and the things they write about real people (such as r*pe and assult) just makes me genuinely so uncomfortable and disgusted, it makes you just not understand how people can write things like that about real people.

but fans as well, it seems like people have no shame in just saying what they want these days and attacking people when you can literally just scroll away. i will never understand it, no matter what fandom it is.

honestly, babe, if just watching the races alone makes you the most comfortable and happy, then there is no shame in it! i would never judge you, it is so completely understandable🫶🏽

[rollercoasterwords]

ok look i have a lot of thoughts abt the way i see lesbians discussed in the marauders fandom BUT for tonight the thoughts that have been toppling like dominoes in my head are mostly centered around this idea of "representation" bc like. ok. scrolling back up here and putting a cut halfway through writing this bc it got long (of course. once again. i need to just accept that i am incapable of being concise at this point).

so i talked abt this a while back somewhere on my silly little tumblr blog and i'm gonna refrain from getting too deep into it rn but just generally just like overall i've noticed this like...specific tone in which people discuss wlw marauders fanfic as though writing about lesbian couples (as opposed to writing about gay couples) holds some sort of like...inherent moral worth? like people will say "ugh we need more lesbian fanfic!!" and like shout about how there is so little wlw fic because of sexism as though tweeting repeatedly about how you just wish there were more good lesbian fics but the only good fics out there are about men because of sexism is like...activism. which. ok. already talked about it NOT getting into it tonight just. the point i'm trying to make here is that i see this general attitude in the marauders fandom where people act like writing lesbian fanfiction is Inherently Morally Superior.

and like. usually when i see those takes i just kinda roll my eyes and move on, because like...i know the people spreading that rhetoric are well-intentioned, and at the end of the day it's fanfiction, it's not that serious, etc. etc. BUT i have sort of...started to notice that attitude bleeding over into some of the responses i've gotten to my writing, mainly from people who say stuff along the lines of, "thank you so much for providing lesbian/sapphic/wlw representation". and those responses have always sort of made me pause and scrunch my nose and go huh. like...you're....welcome? i guess?

and i wanna clarify here--i'm not, like, upset about people saying that to me, and in fact i'm grateful for the kind words, because i understand that the intention behind them is to say "your writing connected with me; i saw pieces of my own experience in your writing; thank you for sharing something that resonated with me in that way." y'know?

but representation. i'm stuck on the word "representation." and it always makes me pause because it's just like. i'm not netflix? y'know? like i didn't write my stories to...represent anyone? i'm just. a lesbian. writing about lesbians. and sometimes not writing about lesbians. y'know?

and the thing that clicked for me tonight about why i think this kind of response throws me off a little is that it's centering an audience. like...i kind of think that conversations about representation are inherently tied to a consumer economy, because they operate on the assumption that the art you're engaging with has been created for an audience--an audience that wants to see themselves in it, meaning there are standards for representation that you should expect and critique. and i think any time the purpose of art starts to orbit around an audience, it starts to sort of...become a product.

and that throws me off! because i'm not writing fanfiction for an audience. i'm not writing it for anyone, really, except myself. in fact, if i find myself thinking too much about my ~readers~, i purposely take a step back and force myself to re-evaluate what i'm writing and why i'm writing it. because for me, the value in writing fanfiction comes from just the simple joy of creating a story that i want to create, and then being able to read that story back to myself. and i only ever started posting on ao3 because i figured "might as well, maybe someone else'll get a kick out of this." and while i value the community that i've found through sharing my writing, that doesn't mean that i want an audience. i've talked about the difference between those two things a lot on this blog, so hopefully u guys get what i mean by that if you've been hanging around my blog for a minute.

anyway, i honestly think this is just like...a perfect example of the insidious ways in which fanfiction getting sucked further and further into a consumer economy alters the ways we engage with it, without even realizing. because like i said, i understand the intention behind the words "thank you for providing representation"--the intention is to say "i connected with this; thank you for sharing something where i could see myself." but if we're growing more and more used to only engaging with media and art through the framework of creator/audience, then we miss out on emphasizing that connection, and instead we end up thanking each other in a way that feels almost transactional, as though we've been provided a service. like...yeah. i've connected the dots. i think that's it.

anyway at the end of the day it's just like...it doesn't really make sense to me to act as though there is some moral obligation or necessity to call for specific types of representations in fanfiction. if there's a story you want to write, you can write it. that's what fanfiction is. but i think a lot of this rhetoric that sort of moralizes the act of Writing About Lesbians runs the risk of insidiously tying fanfiction into a consumer economy, simply because it's engaging with fanfiction as though it's like...content or a product, y'know? and that makes me wary. so. yeah. that's one of the things i've been Pondering tonight i suppose!

[pure-jeff-ward]

Ok, I have questions to make. I have been reading a few questions here by some anonymous lately, I would like your truest opinion. Why is it soo bad what other people posts in their IG account related to Jeff , is it some kind of a crime what they're doing there ? Have they done something bad, by tagging him in their posts, just because they feel inspired by editingtheir photos and mentioning him ? I'm just curious, I mean, it's something different to see, not everything the same as most people do, it gets kinda repetive. I don't know, but I think people should respect of what they do. Because for now, those people haven't disrespected Jeff nothing at all. If it would, he would have opened his mouth and said it to them, don't you think? And i believe the reason why Jeff has only selected posts in his tagging side, think... maybe it's because he get tons of tags about him and he just pick what he likes, that's it. Just giving my 2 cents here. Thank you, and you do have a wonderful blog, congrats. 😉

hi there anon, first of all I want to say thank you for your side of things related to this discussion we've been having about Jeff's instagram page and his tagged posts and the fan pages dedicated to him too. I've always been of the mindset that everyone should have a chance to voice their thoughts and feel safe enough to share their opinions over here; and I hope whoever chooses to reply to this post will be respectful of your ideas, because I do see your point in all of this.

And I do agree, nothing has been inappropriate or in any shape of form disrespectful either - trust me, I may not have gone to look myself, but I have heard of a loooot more.... *ahem* let's say... problematic things from different fandoms that happen on IG in regards to celebs getting tagged in certain pictures and posts, which definitely is not what's happening here at all! I don't believe that expressing one's creativity and sharing it with others and even tagging Jeff is a crime, we all have the freedom to make art and put it out in the world, photo-edits and otherwise, when they're mindful of his life and pictures that he shares with us. In fact, I do think that there's a wonderful sense of community that he could very well know about which shows him that he has so many fans who love him and adore him and celebrate his works - fandom is very important to actors and actresses and all other artists so everything you say lines up.

If anything, the "issue" - forgive me for wording it that way, it's the first thing I thought of - is seemingly with tagging Ashley in posts when her account has been made private; again, every person here has their own interpretation of whether it's good or bad, right or wrong, uncomfortable or not. Her profile used to be open to everyone and now that it's not, perhaps she did so in order to reclaim a sense of privacy; she isn't part of the celebrity world, she's the family member of someone who is and I would think in that sense, there could be no harm in tagging her when the posts are respectful and appropriate, but... I can understand why someone else would think the opposite.

In the end, I would say that my personal opinion is that the line between celebs and fans has been known to blur on occasion, not specifically with Jeff Ward mind you, this is a more generalized observation of fandom culture I've witnessed over the last decade or so - there's two sides to everything, we've got the fans who simply just want to meet their favorites at a convention, speak to them and tell them how their lives have been changed because of their impact through their work, get a photograph and/or autograph and share something that they've made. Or even just tag them on IG if they can't reach a physical appearance, because social media has made that connection possible.

On the other side though, there has been and will always be fans who sit behind a computer screen and sometimes a grey icon (not targeting anyone again, anonymous is an option on my blog to let you all have your privacy, so please don't misunderstand that I mean you or any of my anons here, I love getting asks, even if I don't know who they're from, it's actually fun to imagine and hope there's a dozen or more of you out there who talk to me!) and sometimes even off anon, they spout hateful comments and make remarks about people's looks and fashion style and whatnot.

So... as long as we're mindful of the boundaries between celebrities, their families, their friends and us fans, keep everything clean and respectable and appropriate and healthy then... I think we're good :)

I do appreciate hearing from you dear anon! I hope I covered everything you had questions about and if not, feel free to send a follow-up or ask me something else! apologies for this getting a bit long :p I am all for positive discussions and debates with everyone who follows me because it goes to show that we all care about Jeff in our own way and that's what unites us, differences and similarities alike!

[afallenprophet]

Hey, I'm new to Tumblr and I've got a few questions...

Just a few unspoken rule type of stuff that I wanna know about using Tumblr, and other such things. I've got anxiety/autism and talking with others is a little difficult for me, so I made this post with some of the questions I have. I probably have more questions about this than what I've put here, but if that's the case I can always make another post.

Anyways, on to the questions.

~~

What's the difference between reblogging and liking a post?

I've see on a few blogs/posts that they prefer reblogging to likes. Is there any specific reason as to why? Is it more a way of showing the blogger how much you enjoyed their post? I.e liking being you enjoyed it and reblogging being you loved it? Or is reblogging more of a way for you to share your opinion on the post, kind of like commenting but on you own blog?

And on the topic of blogs/posts at what point does liking/reblogging become too spammy? This is something I'm confused about on multiple platforms, but on Tiktok I understand it as the viewer liking a video without watching it through and it affecting said videos traction. Is spam liking on Tumblr similar?

~~

What are the rules for Old Posts?

This kinda has to do with the first question, but I felt I should put it as its own question

Does liking/reblogging old posts count as spam, and Is it ok to peruse a blog and like/reblog those posts as you see fit? Would I, theoretically, just be able to like/reblog as I wish, specifically for something like an art blog, or should I wait and like/reblog a certain amount a day?

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When should I follow a Tumblr?

I guess in a way this is a sort of followup question to the first two, and it's probably more of a personal choice kind of things but I'd like to know what parameters others use.

Anyways, at what point should I consider following a Tumblr blog? Currently I've followed blogs where I could learn stuff about writing and Fandoms (I.e how popular things and Fandoms can be bigoted towards minorities and women) and some art blogs for a Fandom I'm in currently. But I mean more for future reference, since (I think) I'm following some of those accounts on different platforms. I guess in a way this question ties into the spamming question, but does liking/reblogging posts without following count as spam, and to avoid spam liking/reblogging should I follow the Tumblr account?

Also, a side question to that one, should I make sure I check blogs i followed every so often, as a sort of respect thing and like/reblog whatever content on there I've enjoyed?

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What's an ask/suggestions box?

I understand that the blogger can reply to them with a post and usually it's used as a way to suggest/ask for certain content such as art of a specific pairing or a fic of some kind, but what would the purpose be? I mean more of what could I use it for? Or how would I set one up if I wanted to accept those? And are there certain rules I need to follow, besides basic will do's and won't do's?

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Commenting/replying to comments

Is commenting/replying to comments kind of required or is it more a personal preference? It probably should be something I should try to do although, like attempting to push my comfort zones. What kinds of things should I comment aswell?

I mean obviously it should be some kind of positive comment, but before, when I used to use Deviantart for art and such (honestly, from the little bit I've used Tumblr, Tumblr is a lot easier to use in a wierd way) i got use to just commenting basic ass "This is so good!" Or "this is amazing!" And well, that gets tiring as hell to comment, especially when it's your base comment and I'm sure it gets a bit discouraging when it's the only thing being commented.

I'm just not sure what other kinds of comments I can make, or replies. I guess commenting opinions would be something, or just little observations, but I'm not too unique in thoughts and such and what I have to say has been said usually quite a lot already. And I also think sometimes my opinions aren't worth sharing. Like they're too stupid or cringe in a way? Although, that could just be because I'm not use to interacting with others.

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Is asking that Minors DNI on all my posts, not just the explicit content posts, something that I can do?

I have nothing against minors, but I am 20yrs old and at times I can forget that minors are on social medias and such and that the people I am interacting with could potentially be a minor. And sometimes I can randomly blurt out fairly inappropriate things, especially things that shouldn't be said to or around minors.

And also, interacting with minors just seems like something I shouldn't be doing? Which makes sense as I am 20, and it also just doesn't seem right. I mean for a 20yr old to be interacting with a 15yr olds content. I mean, basic incouragements or criticisms are completely fine, but anything more kind of isn't?

This is probably more a personal opinion kind of thing than an actual problem. I really don't know why it seems wrong, but it does and I don't have the words to explain it either, but my question remains.

Maybe it's because on Tiktok it's common to come across a minor drawing suggestive/thirst content and there be full grown adults being adults in the comments. Although that might just be my current Fandom. I've also come across two different cosplay accounts on Tiktok that do thirsttraps for two different characters (from the same fandom) using a minor's comment for linking another kind of thirsttrap video. It was the very sexual kind of thirsttrap kind of content. It was kind of inking tbh.

I think I just want to make sure I don't accidently end up doing that too, I just don't want to be a creep, accidentally or on purpose. (Also, not saying that those two accounts did that on purpose, but it's still kinda icky)

Also, I'm aware that not all minors will listen to DNI's and all that, I just wanna make sure I can sort of limit interaction. I also have a bad habit of checking accounts that interact with any of my content. Idk why I do, but it's been a habit for a very long time and now that I am a old as I am, I don't think it's going away anytime soon.

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How many tags is too much for a post?

Is there any certain amount of tags I should put in posts? Should I focus more on using the popular tags to get my posts out a bit farther or use more? This ones probably also a personal preference kind of thing, but again parameters. I just wanna know what is the normal thing to do.

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Reading through this afterwards, I've realized this is pretty much just me asking how to do basic human things with others... welp that sucks ass lol.

[strangeswift]

I actually think it is important to be be 'controversial' sometimes because it clears your mind. I am speaking from personal experience. After reading same things over and over again in the tag and seeing the same takes, it blurs your mind and it is like you join a caddle. Then you kinda need to step back and think more clearly and reading other takes and readings help you to clear your mind. I've changed my mind on many things because of that and I believe I have a better understanding in things now than before. Like. I am not gonna get blindsided by what happens next on the show because I do not agree with most popular byler takes (that are reaches most of the time). I still read those things but I am open to different or 'controversial' takes and ideas that are not widely accepted by the bylers in the tag.

Hi anon!!!! Oop I went on a rant so hold on lemme put a read more. Warning I talk about byler doubt (just the concept of having doubts nothing specific about it) towards the end.

Okay anon I agree and this makes me feel good about posting opinions that go against the grain. So thank you for saying this, because I'll be real even though I am confident in my takes, sometimes voicing them comes with a level of anxiety. Here's the thing. The tag likes to act like there are certain things we know for sure are going to happen in S5 (byler endgame being the biggest thing obviously, but there are lots of other more specific things, byler related and not) and the truth is: We Don't Know Anything For Sure!! And I think it's wise to be prepared for the possibility that things work out differently than we are expecting. And this goes for fandom discourse as well not just theories like I think the tag is a bit of an echo chamber, like you said. It truly is easy to get sucked it. I've always been extremely skeptical, that's just how I am, and sometimes I forget that just.. not everyone is as skeptical as I am. Don't get me wrong, I have been sucked in before too. There have been instances where I held an opinion, then when I examined it further I realized it was just rooted in the fact that everyone else held that opinion, and I didn't actually agree with it. But generally I take anything and everything with several grains of salt, which is why like you said it's probably good for me to talk about my opinions when they differ from the norm, because it offers an alternative line of thinking. I do keep my mouth shut about most things because I like to be liked, but yk... I also. hmm do I wanna talk about this.. eh fuck it. I think the biggest thing that makes me "controversial" to some people, other than disagreeing with widely accepted theories, is that I have on several occasions voiced my Byler Doubt™️. And honestly there's a reason why I do sometimes talk about it. I realize that there's no point in dwelling on the possibility of byler not happening, it's depressing. And I would never put doubt in the tag or anything like that. But here's my thing. When I was a smaller blog and didn't have the platform I do now, NONE of the big blogs ever EVER expressed any level of doubt. The narrative was "having doubt is bad, endgame is obvious, if you don't find it obvious you are media illiterate, stuck in heteronormativity, or just plain stupid." And I vehemently disagree with that. Frankly? I find 100% confidence to be a little bit unrealistic, but I would never ever think someone is any less intelligent for having 100% confidence! But I digress. My point is, I suspect there are many people, like me, who have doubts and who feel very isolated. Having doubt is literally taboo, which is insane to me. It's cult vibes is what it is. Anyway. Now that I have a big enough platform that I more or less can kind of say what I want and not get blacklisted, I almost feel a responsibility to occasionally be like hey by the way, I have my doubts! Just so people know. Because it doesn't make you stupid. It makes you realistic. Okay rant over sorry <3

[lume-nosity]

never thought i’d ever make this post, but here we are. this is just an update since i haven’t been very active here (this blog specifically)

i’ve realized that i haven’t been writing anything for the course of 5+ months because i’m more focused on school, trying to adjust to young adulthood, and thinking about what other careers/hobbies i want to pursue in so it kinda drew me away from sitting down to write something. along with burnout, so that’s… yeah. sorry all.

the thing is i was really trying to get back into writing something but that’ll be once in a blue moon most likely. perhaps something not fandom related or something, but who knows? other than that i just wanted to say this for those who did follow me solely for my fics and such, so you’re free to unfollow if you fall along those lines.

as of late i haven’t been feeling like writing at all, and yet writing is the reason why i’m here via tumblr. but i’m probably going to be ia for the time being until i feel like writing again. (if that ever happens) though i’ll probably be lurking most of the time, so if you see me interact with your post or pop in your inbox then hello :3!! also mutuals if you want to get in contact with me in some way outside of tumblr you can ask for my disc or game users (via genshin, pjsk, hsr, roblox)

so what’s the takeaway? i think i need to step down from social media and not feel forced to post fics or anything. maybe that writing motivation i’ve been longing for will come back naturally, even if it takes a few months or even years. so i wouldn’t really say i’m “quitting” it’s more like a “half-vacation.” if you get what i mean. even when i say this, it’s most likely that i’m going to upload a shitpost or anything along those lines on my spam/main depending on how i feel at the moment, just saying.

if i were to really leave writing behind me, and for you guys to say that you get inspiration from me or you just enjoy my works, then thank you for giving me a chance to try to warm your hearts in the form of writing, as cheesy as that may sound. i’ve enjoyed doing it a lot! i really do. but now i need to slowly transition into adulthood and actually have that “adult” mindset. (s i g h)

so yeah! this is all i wanted to say for a long time. thanks for reading. i love each and every single one of you <3

also we’re keeping the lumine theme for some time because i’m too lazy to change it (and besides lume is very similar to lumine so it’s cool) and sorry that i haven’t been answering asks here omg

edit: sooo i decided to just leave my navigation as is just so if there’s anyone that wants to look at my old stuff via: writing, edits, etc. so they’re safe and they won’t get deleted, dw!

the only difference is that i won’t write as much or at all anymore. (burnout, boredom, thinking about what i’ll do after graduation, slowly transitioning to adulthood, etc..) i’ll try to be active on this blog more often, but it’s mostly for interactions and stuff along those lines.

also as for how active i’ll be, that’ll depend on the day/week. sometimes i’m free, sometimes i’m not, so it entirely depends. midterms/finals are when i’ll be ia no exceptions, but if i have absolutely no work/assignments then i could pop in here. if i feel as if i want to take a day or so off of tumblr then that’ll happen as well.

basically, i’m in and out, but i lurk often. that’s the best way i could put this in.

i’ll probably make a pinned for these things just so all of this is out there