#I literally almost cried in front of my boss and her | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

astr0disiac · 12 days

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ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 9: ꜱʜᴏᴡ ᴍᴇ ʜᴏᴡ

☆ꜱʏɴᴏᴘꜱɪꜱ:

Tiana feels as though she deserves the suffering she's endured over the past five years after the tragic loss of her husband, Naveen. But Nanami wants to prove that she is capable of giving and receiving love again.

But even the sweetest of kisses can't heal the sourest of wounds.

An office-work romance like no other, filled with love, loss, and betrayal from those Tiana thought she could trust the most.

☆ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 12,809

☆ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: implied/referenced suicide [mild], implied/referenced self-harm [mild], implied/referenced miscarriage, angst, slow burn

☆ᴍʏ ꜱɪɴᴄᴇʀᴇꜱᴛ ᴀᴘᴏʟᴏɢɪᴇꜱ ꜰᴏʀ ᴀɴʏ ᴍɪꜱꜱᴘᴇʟʟɪɴɢꜱ ᴏʀ ɢʀᴀᴍᴍᴀᴛɪᴄᴀʟ ᴇʀʀᴏʀꜱ☆

“So it is with a heavy heart that I must bid you all farewell.”

The office space erupts into a flurry of cries and whines, questions and concerns. Tiana stands amidst the murmuring people, questions bubbling from her colleagues throats.

Well, the proper word now would be subordinates.

Even though no one dared to eye her in the face, she could feel everyone’s eyes flitting to her every few seconds to make sure they were seeing things correctly. Tiana was now the new admin, and the person who barely nestled into the admin position they received during the gala was bumped up to the managerial position. They looked absolutely mortified at the notion of being thrust into a higher position without proper training.

“But-” Someone’s voice rang behind Tiana, but she was too nervous to turn around. Instead she took a long swallow, unable to look to those around her in truth.

“But why are you leaving now? We’ve barely settled into the new year!”

Someone hollers a brisk “yeah”, and Tiana almost jumps out of her skin. Tiana’s lips flatten into a thin line as she looks upon Misha, who somehow wore a mask of delight and pride as if her whole life hadn’t been snatched from under her feet. Misha tilted her head with a smile, eyes squinting closed.

“Well, I applied for the position a while back because my opportunities would increase tremendously if I continued my work internationally.” Misha’s voice sounded calm, but Tiana could sense that this answer had been well rehearsed. “It could have been better timing, but I don’t want to miss this chance...”

Misha pauses, tonguing the inside of her cheek. Tiana could see her mind reeling, her mouth fighting to speak the truth. But she took a hard swallow before looking up confidently.

“This chance to live my dream.”

The answer may not have been the most satisfying, but it definitely touched a few of the softer hearts.

Of course this was a lie carefully weaved between Tiana and Misha so that it could bear back the weight of the truth.

Tiana knew that her out of the blue promotion was nothing less than compensation. When the board summoned her once more for a meeting, Nanami the CEO explained in great detail the arrangements being made. While Tiana held her tongue in front of company, Kento the [redacted] received quite an earful once they were alone. Tiana threw quite a fit about how it was unfair, how she was unfit, and how nonsensical this had become. Nanami couldn’t give her any sort of justification besides this simply being business, and it pissed Tiana off even more.

“You knew I would hate this.” She frowned, eyes tearing into him. Nanami couldn’t deny her accusations, so he bowed his head with a slight nod.

“I did.”

“And yet you still-”

“This wasn’t my sole decision to make, Tiana…” Nanami felt his chest squeeze as he tried to defend himself.

“Aren’t you literally the boss?” Tiana raised a brow, shaking her head as her face tightened. “Kento, I can’t do this…”

“You have to.” Nanami matched her somber expression. “We can’t go back on it now. Why didn’t you say anything in front of everyone else?”

“I didn’t want to seem ungrateful!” Tiana’s voice pitched. “Why didn’t you warn me beforehand? Or refuse in my stead?”

Nanami felt something bitter dance on his palette.

I knew you’d fight me on it.

Tiana takes a deep breath, blowing air from her rounded lips at a low whistle.

“Ken…” Her voice lowered a decibel. “I’m sorry, but this is too much. I even get a house?”

“It more or less comes with the proposal…” Nanami mutters, picking at a loose thread on her couch.

“Nanami.” The sternness returns. “I’m taking someone's dream job. Someone who actually wants to do this for a living. I can’t-”

She stops, pursing her lips in frustration. How could she say this without hurting his feelings? Without him being offended?

“You gave me the power to choose.” Tiana chews on the inside of her cheek. “This isn’t much of a choice.”

This felt permanent. No, it was permanent, no longer a short term internship. Tiana was scaling up a ladder she had no intention of climbing, and at a rate she deemed unrighteous. This is one of the many reasons why pursuing a romantic relationship with this man seemed to make her hair stand on end.

Yet Nanami was still able to uphold his fair and just persona by categorizing this misstep as just business. But going forward, he and Tiana would never be just business again, even if he tried to justify the way he held onto her so tightly.

A pang ran through Tiana’s heart, and she grimaced.

“Nanami…” Her head tilts downward, unable to look at him. “I don’t think this-”

“I’m sorry.” Nanami felt fatigue sweep through him, anticipating Tiana’s next words as he immediately gripped her hands into his. “I’m sorry, I am. Really.” His eyes searched for hers. “Please…just don’t…”

He sounded so pathetic, like a beggar on the chilly winter streets of Shibuya, and Tiana’s heart swayed like a nimble branch in the wind.

She knew there would be ramifications. She knew that there would be complications.

But deep down, she also acknowledged that it would all be worth it. It would amount to something. Throwing in the towel now would undoubtedly tear her apart.

“Ken…” Tiana’s voice sung in an endearing tone that made Nanami melt on the inside. “We’re going to have to be more careful with decisions like this.” She tilted her head. “You’re going to have to be more careful when I’m not around. If something were to slip, your ethics would be questioned. It would immediately be labeled as a conflict of interest, and it would jeopardize your image.”

And I don't want it ruined because of me.

Even though her chastisements were spoken in such an airy tone, Nanami could sense her disappointment in each syllable. All he could do was nod and listen intently.

“No more special favors. Or treatments that may be interpreted as special favors. Treat me like everyone else.” Tiana squeezed his hands as reassurance that she wasn’t angry anymore. A bit cross if she were being completely honest, but she had a feeling he didn’t mean for this arrangement to be interpreted this way. She knew the company would do anything to save face, she just didn’t want Nanami to forget who they were when they were apart.

She was a bit torn. She wanted Nanami to care for her in his own way, that’s where she screwed up before. But even still, there were limitations and boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed. This was one of them.

Everyone else, Nanami thought.

“Okay.” He spoke wistfully. He knew what he had done was questionable, or rather what he hadn’t done. Not once did he refuse the proposal when Shoko and the other’s brought it up as an option. He didn’t want to. And even though he can sit here and deny his influence, he was still complicit.

He needed to find his focus again. He needed to locate his logical side that was somehow swept away in a flurry of admiration. Yearning.

Dare he say, even love.

“And your honesty.” Tiana spoke quickly. She didn’t know why, but she felt like she was the only one bare here, while both of them were fully clothed. “I don’t want a career boost. I just want your honesty. Can you do that for me?”

Because it’s the only thing I can return in full right now.

Tiana doesn’t know why, but she swears Nanami’s face seems to reshape, but it’s only for a moment. His eyelids blink a bit too rapidly, and a muscle in his jaw ticks for a moment as he opens his mouth to speak, but his words are stalled. His brows lowered slightly, the sharpness in his face much more prominent for only a second, so quick that Tiana told herself that she had simply imagined the sudden shift in his face. But his hands told it all as they intertwined with her; she could feel the pace of his heart quicken in the palms of his hands, and his grip grew more tense. Tiana pursed her lips as she tried to wane off the knot forming in her stomach, deducing it to her irritation to the conversation at hand. She wanted those emotions dispersed immediately. If only he would say-

“Okay.” He said, his lips flattening. But he said nothing more after that.

And Tiana would forever wish that he had, the knot pulling taut in her abdomen, juxtaposed to the usual warmth that he brought.

It was a simple answer, straightforward to the point where it need not be questioned. But that’s not what she had wanted him to say.

That’s not what she expected to hear.

“Tiana.”

Her head snaps up back to the present, the swarm of people around her watching carefully at the interaction. She blinks as Misha makes a beckoning motion to her. Taking a hard swallow, she steps forward, joining Misha’s side as if the two couldn’t bear to be apart.

“So I expect each and everyone one of you to treat Tiana as you would treat me.” She gives a scoff under her breath. “I actually advise that you treat her even better.”

Tiana’s neck strains.

“Because the climb to the top is a hard one.” She turns her head to Tiana, but Tiana can only shift her eyes to her instead of her full body. “The pressure she must feel right now is immeasurable.”

“And it only gets heavier from here.”

Tiana tried to keep a blank stare as Misha extended her hand to shake. They clasped palms, and Tiana never felt so repulsed in her life. Her body recoiled each time their hands moved up and down at an irregular rhythm. When Tiana finally made eye contact, Misha’s eyes reflected a dark abyss, yet a tiny glint could be seen on the corners of her lips. As if she knew something that Tiana didn’t.

“So, good luck.”

“That’s what she said?” Nanami’s brows furrowed as Tiana recalled Misha’s going-away party a few days later. Tiana had been so busy playing catch up with her new position that she hadn’t seen Nanami in almost a week. Nanami had been preoccupied as well, getting Tiana’s arrangements in order, but luckily for them they needed to be in each other’s presence for the next step in her promotion: home shopping.

Not exactly how Nanami had imagined it would happen.

“I know she didn’t mean it. But the way she said it…” Tiana shuddered slightly, that same foreboding feeling creeping up on her as they walked the streets of Sendai.

“Well, you don’t have to worry about her anymore.” Nanami tried to reassure her, but Tiana threw him one of her infamous looks that said “really?”.

“Really?” Tiana said flatly as she looked up at him, and Nanami chuckled gently.

“I guarantee it.” He says.

Tiana pursed her lips, turning her nose upward as they continued to walk.

“I guess you’re right.” She harrumphs. “Because now I have to worry about finding a house.”

Nanami can only return a cheeky smile, a roll of sweat rolling down his back though it was still chilly outside.

“I know, I know. I’m sorry.”

They walk in silence for a moment, Tiana’s steps a light click in her boots as Nanami’s have a solid thud. Tiana sighs, leaning into Nanami, their sides bumping into each other as her head rests on his shoulder for a moment.

“I’m just…happy I finally get to spend time with you.”

Nanami’s breath halts, the white mist that was steadily streaming from his mouth coming to an abrupt stop. But it was only for a moment. Relishing her sudden affection, he removes a gloved hand from his coat pocket, and instead reaches into Tiana’s pocket. Because of how close they were walking and the wideness of their coats, no one from the outside would ever be able to know how Nanami’s fingers delightfully found refuge in her grasp, or how gently his clothed thumb ran across her bare flesh. How deeply he sighed to allow the tension to roll through his body.

When Nanami’s breath tickled the tips of Tiana’s ear, scorching it, she suddenly realized where she was and who she was. As quick as a bullet, she straightened herself out, the back of her head butting into Nanami’s chin so hard that his neck was thrown backwards.

“Ah!” She grips the back of her head, looking up at him with throbbing vision. “I’m sorry, are you okay?”

Nanami’s eyes are closed, his free hand rubbing his panging chin, but he’s laughing. A hearty laugh, one that fills the emptiest of souls with the same coziness as a burning hearth.

Blush swells into Tiana’s cheeks.

“I’m fine, I’m fine.” Nanami says, looking at Tiana’s embarrassed expression. Brows knitted in frustration and her thick lips pursed hard to hide her smile. Eyes wide and jittery, flitting across Nanami’s face as if to check to see if she smacked him anywhere else.

Yet through all that, not once did either of them let go.

Tiana found herself in predicaments like that more often as time progressed with Nanami.

She’d find herself initiating affection, yet short-circuiting whenever he returned the favor. And while she tried to blame Nanami every time something went awry, she soon realized that she was the clingiest out of the both of them, and would give Nanami a brief cold shoulder to punish him instead of facing the facts.

And not once did Nanami get upset. All he could do was laugh.

One night, when the two decided to watch a movie, Tiana leaned her body against his, letting her head rest on his shoulder in comfort. Things were fine, Tiana becoming more and more immersed in the story playing on her screen, until she felt his arm snake around her shoulders, pulling her closer. Tiana immediately tensed, sucking in her cheeks as her skin grew hot to the touch. She couldn’t understand why she felt so flustered, why it felt as if an engine were roaring in her body as his finger rhythmically padded against her skin. It felt like she couldn’t breathe. She could think, she couldn’t seem to focus on the movie anymore as the pixels blurred across the screen, and God she was parched. What she really needed was some-

“Water.” She practically yelled, causing Nanami to jolt.

“Water?” He repeats looking down at her.

“Water. I need it.” She said sitting up abruptly as Nanami’s arm limply fell back to his lap. “I’m kind of thirsty, are you thirsty?”

Nanami raised a brow, the corner of his lips threatening to curl upward. He picks up the remote to pause the film.

“I-I guess I’m a little thirs-”

“God, Kento!” Tiana exasperated, shooting up from the couch cushions and padding to her kitchen. “Did you even drink any water today? Gosh…”

Her voice trailed off as she fumbled and fumed around the kitchen, heat creeping up her neck.

Why was she blushing so much? Over physical contact that wasn’t necessarily anything to wow over? She was acting as if he were about to kiss her.

Kiss?

Tiana inelegantly drops the plastic cup on the tile of the kitchen, the sound echoing throughout her apartment louder than it should.

“Uh, Tiana?” Nanami calls cautiously, then she hears the shift of cushions.

“Nope, nope!” She calls back frantically, and Nanami halts his movements. “No, I’m okay, I got it! Stay…right there!” She laughs nervously, scooping the rolling cup off the ground.

Tiana tosses the soiled cup into the sink, muttering to herself as she grabs another one from her cabinet.

Damn it, she thought. Come on, Tiana.

After grabbing two cups of water, she nervously places them on her table, Nanami immediately grabbing the drink and taking a few quick sips. What Tiana doesn’t notice is him hiding his smile behind the dishware.

With Nanami leaning on the armrest on one side of the couch, Tiana sits crisscrossed in the middle, hugging a pillow to herself.

Even though the distance between them wasn’t incredibly far, Tiana was definitely further away than before. And she had undoubtedly acted strange.

I wonder if he noticed, Tiana thought, eyeing Nanami quickly.

Nanami’s face was stone cold as he glared at the TV trying to withhold his laughter, unbeknownst to Tiana of course.

Yep, her eyes snapped back to the television as her left hand dug into the pillow she was using as a shield. He definitely noticed.

Is he mad?

Tiana sighed in defeat, using her right hand to push herself further into the cushions. After a moment of eyeballing the TV without properly consuming the images being projected into her brain, she felt Nanami’s pinky finger latch onto her own, like a gentle hook sinking into her heart. She looks at Nanami, his face sincere as the colors of the television flashed across his features, his grin soft. No words needed to be spoken for Tiana to understand.

Small steps, she thought as she hugged her pillow tighter to hide her flushed cheeks. Small steps.

Her belly button felt as if it were being yanked into her abdomen as she bit the inside of her cheek to hide her impending smile.

Or during lunch, while the two found solace in a secluded booth towards the back of the restaurant drooling over their food after a long morning in the office. Tiana went with something a bit more light because she had to go back in: a simple dumpling soup that steamed white with a broth that glistened liquid gold. But Nanami, who had the wonderful privilege of getting off early, ordered a hefty serving of wagyu, decorated with beautifully verdant vegetables and a pile of fragrant rice. Tiana’s eyes glittered with stars as she eyed his hands that cut into the meat so meticulously, and used a fork to shove the cubed beef into his mouth with a satisfied sigh. Tiana eyed the muscles in his face, the way his jaw flexed as he chewed in bliss.

“That…” Tiana felt her own jaw ache from how slack it hung on her face from Nanami selling the food’s taste so well, “looks so good…”

“I told you to order what you wanted.” Nanami hums as he takes another bite.

“I know, I know, but…” She pouted a bit, eying her soup. Suddenly, it didn’t seem as appetizing. It looked inferior.

“Just…one bite…” She leans forward, inching closer to his plate.

Nanami looks at her with feigned indignation.

“A little one!” She defends.

“Tiana…”

“Kento!” She practically whines. “Please, just one…” Her brown eyes enlarge into a pleading look, and Nanami has to look elsewhere.

“Oh, come on, don’t give me that look…” Nanami chuckles as a rosy shade pricks the apple of his cheeks. It was already difficult for him to say no to her.

She continues to stare him down with those large, deer-like eyes until he finally caves with a sigh, slicing a piece of the meat with the shake of his head.

“You always do this.” He yields, and Tiana’s face brightens, her feet tapping on the ground in a merry rhythm. But when she picks up her fork to take a piece, she’s met with the slice of beef already in front of her face, hanging off the end of Nanami’s fork.

“Er-” Tiana paused, eyes flitting from the food to the coy man sitting across from her.

“What?” He jests, the utensil hanging lazily in his hand as he props his elbow on the table and his chin into the palm of his hand. “You don’t want it anymore?”

His voice was tantalizing, almost luring her to eat. Her body flushed with embarrassment as he sat there like this was like any other normal interaction they’ve ever had.

I guess this will become our new norm, Tiana thought as she leaned in to take a bite from the large slice. The beef practically melted on her tongue as she bit into it, her mouth erupting with flavor as she chewed on the tender piece of meat. Having left a bit still on the fork, Nanami pops the rest between his teeth, twirling the fork on his bottom lip briefly while eying Tiana. He had such a content look on his face, yet his eyes seemed to slice through her. She felt as if she had been struck by lightning. And instead of showing her embarrassment further, she shifted quietly in her seat, hiding her face in the palm of her hand as she looked out towards the restaurant, eyebrows pulled tight as if she were upset.

“How’d it taste?” His voice was like silk tied around Tiana’s heart, and each work he spoke tightened the muscle.

“It was fine.” She harrumphs, frowning to keep herself from melting into a puddle. And there it was, that tug in her stomach that she kept swatting away. Nanami chuckled.

Or that early Saturday morning when the two were out shopping for groceries for their respective households, splitting off momentarily because Tiana forgot to grab an item right before they entered the checkout line. Tiana didn’t consider herself to be short, she was a clear cut 5’8 woman that cleared the average height for both America and Japan respectively. But there were moments when her wingspan betrayed her, and top shelf items would still be a bit out of reach if they weren’t placed dangerously on the edge.

Normally she would ask for an attendee, but she didn’t have time to look for someone, Nanami was one person away from being at the front. She would just have to do it herself, quickly and carefully.

So she stood on her toes, balancing on the tips of her tennis shoes as her fingernails graced the product she needed, scooting it over millimeter by millimeter to the edge of the shelf where she could grasp the box. Her nails scraped at the box, a scratching sound erupting from the cardboard as she poked her tongue out in focus.

“Come on…” She muttered, using the pads of her fingers now to knock the box toward her.

“I got you.”

She suddenly feels a palm rest on her lower back, Nanami’s body lengthening above her as he grabs it with one swoop.

“Oh-” Tiana voices her surprise as Nanami hand’s her the box. She grabs it with both hands, looking at him with a smile as she leans into him. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” He says, slightly pressing into her lower back with a light pressure. With that, Tiana becomes hyper-aware of their points of contact. How his leg was positioned behind hers, causing her to feel his knee prodding her body. The way her butt pressed into his hip, narrowly missing the front of his body by a centimeters. How her shoulder rested on his chest, a steady rhythm coming from it, compared to hers which was threatening to erupt from her chest.

And that damned tug that seemed to pull her closer to him.

Her face grows sour, eyes squinted and eyebrows slanted as she hip bumps him gently, turning her nose upwards as she walks back to the line.

“You better not have lost our place in line…” She murmurs, the tips of her ears and her cheeks tingling. Nanami just laughs, trailing behind her.

“No ma’am, I didn’t.”

Tiana grips the box instead of whacking it into her fuming face.

Tiana sits on her couch, reliving all of these moments she just couldn’t cope with. It’s not that she didn’t like it, she loved these little interactions. She just couldn’t understand why she reacted this way instead of reveling in his affection. It was so infuriating that she couldn’t just be normal, so she grabbed a pillow from her couch, flinging herself onto the cushions as she biked her feet in the air. She screamed silently into her pillow, flailing about to relieve her inhibitions.

Today, she thought. Today I’ll be normal. I won’t be weird.

Her door clicks open, and she jolts as Nanami stands there with a raised brow.

“I kept calling your phone?” He said, his voice a bit concerned. “You still need more time?”

“No, no…” Tiana blushes, fixing her discarded throw pillows and then smoothing her hair which definitely looked wild from rolling around. She thanks the Lord above that he hadn’t come in a few seconds prior. “I’m ready, I just…”

“Needed a moment?” Nanami’s smile shines in his eyes, and Tiana releases a breath she hadn’t realized that she had been holding. How could this man be callous of her calmness and timidity at the same time.

“Yeah…I’m good now.” She smiles.

As they walk down the stairs of the apartments, Nanami notices that he’s still standing there. The groundskeeper. In the exact same spot he had been when Nanami pulled up 5 minutes ago. Lids low as he leaned against the wall of the opposing complex, eying the two carefully, just as he had been every time Nanami had come around to Tiana’s. He was always hanging around, and at first, Nanami thought nothing of it considering it’s his job. But it was always coincidentally around Tiana’s place, and it made Nanami uneasy. Tiana didn’t seem to notice anything, so Nanami tried his best to let it go, he didn’t want to overreact. So instead of causing a scene, Nanami helped Tiana into her passenger seat, and continued to glare the man down as he slid into the driver’s side.

“He’s strange…” Nanami muttered as he started his car. Tiana looked to him, then followed his gaze to the burly man a couple yards away from them.

“Who? Zenin?” Tiana asked.

Nanami frowned at the realization that his comment that was meant to be stored in his head, had now been broadcasted. “No…” He lied.

“Hm…” Tiana gave a knowing smile as she looked out the window.

“What?” Nanami asked. Tiana turns to him with a shine in her eyes.

“You’re strange.”

The last few days of February had crept up on the duo, and Tiana had finally agreed to view a few houses to move into during the summer. The agreement was that she would move out by the summer so the new slew of interns would be able to move in. Gojo also said that it wouldn’t look good for an admin to live amongst her subordinates.

Tiana wasn’t sure what agitated her more, looking for a brand new place to start from scratch again or the thin air around her that seemed much colder than usual, so she chose the latter, hugging herself as her and Nanami walked back to his car after viewing a home that differed from her usual taste so much it gave her a headache.

“Ken,” Her teeth chattered, “Isn’t your place close by? It’s colder than I thought it would be, and I’m slowly losing my patience.” She tried not to let the intonation of her voice change.

His face softens as he shuffles his jacket off, easing it over her shoulders with ease, but Tiana was too cold to act coy or throw a fit as she usually would.

“Yeah, yeah.” Nanami said softly, opening the passenger door. As he shut it, Tiana exhaled in relief, the tension leaving her temples as she wiggled into her seat. He immediately sets the heat on blasts as he settles in. “Do you want me to pick up something, or…?”

“That soup you made when I was sick that one time.” Tiana fidgeted with his coat for a moment before gazing at him. “Can we make that tonight?”

Nanami doesn’t know why, but the way she says “we” causes him to melt.

“Yes, we can.”

As they drive to Nanami’s home, Tiana recounts that early New Year’s morning as she was riding along these same streets, except her surroundings were a lot clearer because it was still daylight out and she wasn’t drunk. She noticed how they passed a few places that they previously looked at that day, and Tiana began to put the pieces together.

“Nanami…” Her voice is laced with admonishment, as she turns to Nanami.

“Hm?” He responds innocently.

“Have you only been showing me places near your house on purpose?”

Nanami hums a tune to deflect Tiana’s question, and she scoffs.

“I can’t believe you.” She mutters, but there’s a bit of humor in her voice. “Well, actually I can.”

“I’m just now realizing,” Nanami changes the subject jokingly, but still in truth. “You’ve never been to my house.”

“Yet you’ve slept over at mine multiple times.” Tiana jests. “What am I, a hussy?”

“Oh-” Nanami is taken aback by the observation, and the sound that escapes his mouth initiates Tiana’s bout of laughter.

“I kid.” Tiana says, poking his shoulder. After regaining composure, she really thinks about his comment, and who Nanami is. You can tell a lot about a person in two scenarios, one being their homelife. She couldn’t help but wonder how a man like him lives. His preferred style, the cleanliness of his space; she would be unlocking a new level of Nanami Kento.

“I have wondered about your living style and what-not.” She admits.

“Aw, you wonder about me?” Nanami sings in a sardonic tone. Tiana gives him her infamous glare, which causes him to chuckle lowly in return.

“There’s nothing necessarily interesting, I can promise you that.” He says, running a hand through his hair.

“Hmmm…” Tiana’s sighs with a purr, thumbing her lip as her mind reels.

“I’m sure I can find something.”

They pull into his curved driveway, Tiana getting a full view of his house. It looked like a modern, two story home, taller than it was wide with a slanted roof and wooden pillars. The house was two shades of gray with wide glass windows, and was spaced away from the neighboring homes. Cleanly trimmed shrubs lined the walkway, and in the corner of the wide, front yard was a thick cherry blossom tree that was still bare. It was so quaint, yet pristine, and everything was sharp and placed with a strict sense of organization, and Tiana giggled.

“What?” Nanami asks as they walk to the front door.

“Nothing.” Tiana says, waving away his question.

Nanami eyed her suspiciously, but took out a bronze key and opened the door with ease.

“Excuse me.” Nanami mumbles as he enters, walking onto the hardwood floors at the entrance. Tiana is slammed with a scent of cedarwood, her eyebrows jolting slightly, because the smell no longer seemed like its own entity. It strictly reminded her of Nanami, it was Nanami. Tiana follows behind him, watching him slide his shoes off, and she imitates him quickly. Nanami takes their shoes and places them by the front door, and Tiana stares at them for a moment; her ankle boots paired next to his long sneakers. She smiles to herself momentarily.

“You comin’?” Nanami calls to her as he trails into his home. Tiana snaps out of her trance, and walks into his home. Her curiosity would finally be abated.

She wondered how he decorated his living room, or maybe even his kitchen. The color scheme of the walls, whether one was an accent. The type of lighting he used. She wondered how it compared to her own taste.

But when Nanami flipped the hospital lights on, she twisted her lips.

Everything was gray.

The walls? Gray. The furniture? Gray. The counters of his kitchen? Granite. The only other color was the accents of black; picture frames, nobs, handles, and some floating shelves that had books with spines that were…gray.

Maybe her expectations were a bit high.

Mama would say something about needing a woman’s touch, Tiana thought. The gray was fine, but maybe some plants to spruce up the place and make it feel less like an office and more like a home? Or maybe…

Tiana shakes her head. What was she thinking right now?

“Find anything worth your interest?” Nanami asked. He sounded nervous. Tiana wondered if she’d let her judgmental expression show.

“It’s…gray.” Tiana says, trying to sound as nice as possible. Come on, Tia. This isn’t your house, she thought.

Nanami blushed. “What an astute observation.” He removed his scarf, tossing it on the couch, feeling a bit bashful. Was his living space really that boring? He had never been so self-conscious about it before. Compared to Tiana’s lively space filled with warmth, his home felt like a freezer.

“I-It’s nice!” Tiana said, walking across the dark floors, taking his coat and placing it next to the discarded scarf. “How long have you been here?” Tiana quickly changed the subject.

“This has been my family’s home since I was a child.” Nanami takes the bait, walking to his kitchen. “I inherited it.”

“Oh, so it’s always looked like this?” Tiana attempts to compliment, but Nanami’s lips purse slightly, his cheeks still pink.

“I renovated it.”

“Oh!” Tiana balls her fists. Jesus, what was wrong with her today? Can’t reciprocate his feelings, and now she’s judging his style. She just kept putting her own foot in her mouth. “Oh, there’s nothing wrong with having a minimalistic style.”

Nanami looks around his home momentarily. “I guess our styles do differ a lot.” He admits. “It’s not the most homely place, but a roof is all I need.”

Tiana chuckles. Mr. Logic can’t help it.

“It just needs a pop of color.” She says. “When you get off of work, you don’t want to come to work.”

Nanami rubs the back of his neck. “I did get a penthouse with the promotion. It is closer to my new office, and both are a ways out…”

“Then let’s switch it up!” Tiana says excitedly, the decor expert in her unveiling. “We can make your penthouse your office space, and spruce this place up a bit! We’re already searching for stuff for me, we can find some things for you as well. My treat!”

A small smile etches on Nanami lips. “You don’t have to-”

“I want to.” Tiana says immediately, placing a hand on Nanami’s shoulder. “Let me return the favor.”

Nanami feels his heart twinge a bit. Was Tiana only doing this out of a sense of debt? Even so, he couldn’t say no to her eager face.

“Okay, fine. We’ll look together.” He caves, and the smile that spread across her face washed away any feelings of affliction.

“I have a few dishes to wash. I know how much you hate cleaning in a dirty kitchen, so feel free to look around.” Nanami says, rolling up his sleeves as he marches to his metallic sink.

“Damn straight!” Tiana says, sliding out of the kitchen with her socks. Nanami chuckles, finding it adorable that Tiana seemed to be enjoying her exploration.

Tiana growing up was labeled as a nosy child, a little girl who was always in the midst of grown folks conversations. But even now after being given permission to snoop, she tried to keep it in check. She was still a lady after all, and this was her partner’s home. She didn’t want to intrude on his privacy too much, even though he didn’t give her any limitations on where she was and wasn’t allowed to travel to. It was odd, yet refreshing how open Nanami was.

Almost too open.

Tiana started on the ground floor, passing the living room since she had already seen that, and instead becoming fascinated with his shelf of plaques and awards that he had earned over the years, including the one he just received this past Christmas.

She passes the kitchen momentarily, Nanami watching her with bright eyes as she looks out to the large backyard, a pond lined with beautiful stones in the middle of it. It was absolutely serene.

She found the laundry room, which had a pile of clothes waiting patiently on the ironing board. This was probably as messy as his home would get.

As she walked to the stairs, she passed a room that seemed to glow gold compared to the cold white lights in the living room, the light streaming out of a slightly ajar door. She caught a whiff of incense, and it tickled her nose. She hesitated, tiptoeing closer. She didn’t know why, but something told her not to disturb that place, so she trotted up the stairs after a moment.

Upstairs was his bedroom, Tiana peaking in momentarily with flushed cheeks. It had the same gray color scheme, and his wide bed was crisply made. Only two pillows decorated his headboard. There were two night stands, an alarm clock and lamp decorating the left one which Tiana assumed was the side he predominantly slept on.

I sleep on the right, Tiana noted before closing the door with a soft click.

Next was an office space with a large desktop and a weighted gray chair. The top of the desk was stacked high with folders, and there were a few more on the floor. Tiana also noted that this was the only room with carpet so far.

Finally she came upon an empty room, which she assumed was a guest room, which had a wide window that overlooked the backyard. The room was bare, nothing but a ceiling fan for decoration and a few boxes. Tiana couldn’t help but wonder if Nanami ever had any guest, or any family to be his guest.

After her adolescent curiosity had its fill, she barreled back down the stairs as Nanami was drying the last dish.

“Found what you were looking for?” Nanami laughed as he reached into his fridge, grabbing a few ingredients.

“The pile of laundry sure adds…character.” Tiana teases, washing her hands in the sink, and Nanami laughs. After a moment of silence, Tiana asks the question that had been gnawing in the back of her mind since she had seen it.

“I didn’t go in there because it seemed private,” She begins, turning the sink off. “But what’s that side room downstairs?”

Nanami pauses for a second, and Tiana takes note of his hesitation, before he shakes it off and closes the fridge.

He decides to feign ignorance.

“The laundry room?” He says.

Tiana picks up on his wavering, and begins to backtrack.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to…” Her voice falters. “I promise, I didn’t look-”

“It's a shrine.” Nanami speaks so quickly that Tiana barely catches it.

“A shrine?” Tiana repeats, unsure.

“For the deceased.” His response is quiet, and it sucks the warmth the two had produced out of the room.

Tiana freezes, blinking hard. All she can manage is a quiet,

“Oh.”

She begins rinsing the vegetables that Nanami placed on the counter to busy her hands and her mind.

Nanami watches her from the corner of his eye as he fills a pot with water. He lets the sound of the crackling gas on the stover fill the silence, a light blue flame flickering under the pot. He then sighs deeply, the wind being pulled from the back of his chest. It almost resembles defeat. He should have expected her to ask. He would just have to alter a few things.

“It’s to pay respects, an act of commemoration and honor.” He says with a roll of his shoulders to absolve some tension.

“Mm.” Tiana responds, her lips pursed slightly. “Then shouldn’t I?”

“You don’t have to, really.” Nanami says a bit too quickly.

“I know…” Tiana says. “But I feel like I should. No, I want to.” She quickly changed her sentence. I want to be a part of your life.

Tiana and Nanami have a silent battle of wills, an intense stare shared between the two that crackles some emotions that neither wanted to confront. But Nanami was used to losing when it came to her.

“The room’s a little messy, though.” Nanami says, standing hip to hip with the bronze woman, his face as soft as his voice. “I’ll straighten it up after dinner, and you can do so before you leave.”

Tiana’s eyebrows twinge.

He doesn’t want me to stay?

No, she thought. It’s my first time here. I don’t want to seem like I'm going too fast.

So Tiana brushes her thoughts off with a joke, hoping Nanami couldn’t sense her disappointment.

“If it’s anything like your living room, I’m sure I’ll manage.”

The two whisk around the kitchen in a strange harmony, as if Tiana had lived there before, chatting about this and that. The two danced around the topics of family because it was still a bit sensitive, instead talking about Tiana’s big move.

“You can’t be too mad at me anymore.” Nanami says, stirring at his soup as they sit at the dining room table. “There has to be a bit of excitement, right?”

Tiana hums, her nose doing a slight scrunch as she thinks on his words. What did she feel?

“Excitement is one word, I guess.” She chuckles. “But I’m more nervous than anything. It’s a pretty big deal.”

“Mhm.” Nanami listened with intent.

“It kind of sucks that I’m so far from the office.” Tiana sighs, thinking about her long walks to and from the building that ended up being a great stress relief to vent. Also, a good bit of time with Nanami. “But I’m not too worried.”

“Oh?” Nanami raises a brow. “Well, how do you plan on commuting to work?”

Tiana titters with discomfort, her teeth flashing but her brows narrowed in distress. “Isn’t it obvious? That company bus you mentioned a while back, I’ll just take that since it will be easier. I don’t really understand the station or the regular bus routes yet…” She trails off in thought, and Nanami frowns.

“The company bus only goes to the family compounds. You’d have to travel there to catch it.” Nanami states plainly.

“Ah.” Tiana’s voice squeaks a bit, as her mind reels to another solution. “Then, maybe the company bikes? It’ll take a while, though.”

Nanami shakes his head. “They are secluded to those areas as well.”

Now, Tiana’s the one frowning.

“Um…” She laughs nervously, breathless as she tries to come up with ideas but falls short. Except for one, but it would be too much of a bother.

“What if…” She stirred at her soup that was definitely growing cold. “What if you…took me? If it’s not too much…”

“I can take you when I’m on this side of town, but-” Nanami tongues his cheek, the conversation growing tense as Tiana’s face grows more and more mortified. “But my new office is almost an hour out.”

Tiana scoffs, dropping her spoon with a loud clatter, droplets of stock landing on the table. “Did you actually change offices for us to work?”

Nanami gives a slight chuckle to lighten the mood. “No, no, it came with the job. I’ll be around, but unfortunately, not as much.”

Tiana scrunches her face. “Isn’t that why you kept looking for places close to you? So you could be around? So I could be around?”

“Well, sort of…” Nanami reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a sage colored key with a skeletal design. He places it gently on the table, and slides it to Tiana. Tiana stares at it for a second, then back up to him.

“What’s that?” She asks bluntly.

“A key to my place.” Nanami exhales a cloud of nerves that he hoped Tiana couldn’t sense. “It’s only fair; I could get into your place, now you can get into mine.”

Before Nanami could finish his statement, Tiana gives a dry scoff, still a bit irritated that her current problem at hand had yet to be solved.

“Wow, thanks.” She says, a bit sarcastically as she trailed her fingertips on the intricate designs and swirls.

Nanami purses her lips and breathes through his nose. “Well, that interaction went a lot better in my head.”

“I’m sorry, I sound so ungrateful.” Tiana huffs, placing a hand on her forehead. “Thank you, really. I just- I need to figure out how to get to work. I may just have to learn the subway routes, or just take a cab.”

“Not the worst option, but learning the subway won’t happen overnight.” Nanami says. “Cabs can get a bit pricey, so you’ll need to put it in your new budget if that’s what you want to go with. But you don’t know what idiot could be behind the wheel.”

Tiana lets in a sharp inhale, her face downcast as an answer stares her in the face that she doesn’t want to see. Nanami tilts his head to Tiana in a sympathetic way, and it almost gouges out her stomach despite how soft he looks.

“Tiana-”

“No.” She cuts him off immediately, but he leans toward her more.

“Tiana…”

“No!” She says again, with a laugh deprived of anything humorous.

Nanami purses his lips, but keeps his voice calm. “Tiana.”

“No.” She’s still quick to shut him down. She doesn’t want to hear it. “No, I know what you’re going to say and I can’t, no.”

“Tiana.” He coaxes her, his hand sliding across the table to take hers. “You might just have to-”

“I can’t and I won’t.” She shakes her head aggressively, her breathing picking up slightly as she snatched her hand away.

“But why.” His voice almost begs for an explanation, an explanation that Tiana was terrified to share. Terrified that it would change how she looked in his eyes. She didn’t want to see the light leave his irises once she said it, she didn’t want to feel his warmth recede once she confessed such a sin. She knew it was coming, but it was so soon. Were they really doing this right now? “Why? What happened to him had nothing to do with you-”

“I was the idiot behind the wheel.”

Her voice sliced through the air, the tension yanking something out of the both of them as it threatened to erupt between the two. But, seeing the regret dancing on Nanami’s lips, Tiana reeled herself back in. She didn’t want to argue, the first time had been so unpleasant she thought a part of her died. She didn’t want either of them to leave angry. She slowed her breathing as best she could, wiping at her face before the tears were able to spur.

“So it has everything to do with me.”

Of course. Of fucking course that’s why. It wasn’t just the fact that Naveen had passed during an accident. She had experienced it. Caused it, even. The guilt of sitting in the driver’s side and causing the love of her life’s demise, undergoing the physical and mental trauma of the accident, the pain. A survivor’s ballad.

Nanami felt dumb. He felt like a total ass. He had gone too far this time, pushed her too hard. She should have been able to come to him about this on her own terms, but he ended up forcing it out of her as he always did. He swore he had her best interest at heart, though he never seemed to do what was best for her heart. He always seemed to be responsible for demolishing it instead of repairing it, the exact opposite of what he meant to do. But who cared what his intentions were when this was the outcome?

“I’m sorry.” He quickly apologies. “I shouldn’t have-”

“Nanami.” His apology almost goes unheard as Tiana deflects his words. “It’s one thing to regain trust in my heart. But trusting my body again?” Tiana’s hand clutches her shirt as if to tame her own flesh. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

Nanami feels his own heart twist, but instead of palming at the muscle, he grips Tiana’s hand into his, his own immediate reaction catching him off guard as well as her. But he realizes that he can help her. He could aid her in relinquishing her fear.

He could atone.

“That’s it.” He says as if he had made a discovery.

“W-” Tiana stutters, her face switching from agony to confusion. “What’s it?”

“You don’t know. It’s not that you can’t.” He reassures her, thumbing her fingers to calm her. He can almost count the beats of her rapid pulse. “That’s why I’m here. So you can know. So we can figure it out together. So that you may move forward.”

Move forward even if it’s without me, he thinks.

“What do you think about driving lessons?” Nanami asks, pulling her hands closer to his body as he leans in intently. Tiana’s eyes widened with bewilderment.

“Driving lessons?” She parrots.

“Yeah.” Nanami nods his head. “I said I would help you solve things, didn’t I?”

Tiana’s head drops, unable to look Nanami in the eye. His honesty burned more intensely than the sun. “I don’t know, Nanami. That’s a lot to ask of you.”

“You don’t have to ask me.” He says with resolve. “I want to.”

Tiana sinks in her chair, a weight of exhaustion being placed onto her. It felt like she spent more energy than she should have, yet there Nanami was ready to hold her up. And she appreciated him so much at that moment.

She leans forward, placing her forehead on their conjoined hands as she sighs heavily, her eyes closed. She said she would move forward. Maybe it was time to take another step.

“I’ll…sleep on it.”

Nanami exhales, pressing his forehead to hers, the pressure providing comfort to them both. For a moment, Nanami wished he knew what Tiana was thinking. That he would be able to read her mind because of a simple touch of their foreheads, but that’s not how it worked. He would just have to continue communicating with her.

“Come on.” He nudges her slightly before pulling away. “I’ll take you home.”

“Mm…” Is all Tiana can manage. But she lamented letting him go.

Tiana goes back to the living room, grabbing Nanami’s coat, and throwing it back over her shoulders. The sun had begun to set, and it would no doubt be cold out. But she also found herself wanting to be surrounded by him for some reason. The smell of cedarwood comforted her.

As she walked past the kitchen, the glowing light from that side room caught her eye once more, and she wiped her eyes.

“I still need to…” Her voice gets caught in her throat, but Nanami hears her as he silently stands behind her.

Tiana didn’t know why, but she felt the sudden urge to say hello to an old friend.

Nanami nods, returning the sentiment. He goes into the room, closing the door slightly with a low “Give me a moment.”

Tiana hears a bit of shuffling outside the room, followed by a swift apology. He then opens the door, the golden light flooding into the hall and basking her in a strange warmth. The room is small, and the wooden planks glistened an amber brown. Just above eye level was something like a large cabinet, photos of the deceased in black frames and mantles with Japanese characters inscribed into the wood. Little trinkets that hung on the cabinet doors, the incense she smelled early. It reminded Tiana of an altar.

Tiana swallowed hard, nervous on how she should carry herself, and wondering if her presence alluded to anything respectful. She looks at Nanami, who has his hands shoved deep in his pockets. When she takes note of a slip of paper sticking out that wasn’t there before, he shoves his hands in deeper. She rolls her shoulders, adjusting her stance back to the shrine. She takes a slight step closer, examining the photos.

“Are they your parents?” Tiana asks gently, motioning to a photo with a blonde man and a brown haired woman with the same facial structure as Nanami.

Nanami’s jaw tightens. “Yes.” He answers. “They passed when I was around ten. I lived with my grandparents until I was 17, which is when my full inheritance kicked in. It’s when I finally secured this house.”

Tiana hums, staring at the photo. There was something about the man that looked familiar, but she couldn’t put her finger on it at the moment. Not only that, she couldn’t help but wonder why his grandparents weren’t present on the altar. Maybe that’s who was in his pockets. If they were the ones that raised him, it was obviously a subject to heavy to discuss right now.

“Well, I know where you got your blonde from.” She reaches up to ruffle his hair, and pink tinges his cheeks. “And your…face.”

She redacted the word “handsome”.

She turns away from the sheepish man, back to the shrine that showed another stranger.

“Who’s that?”

The boy in the photo looked to be about a teen. Dark hair in a fraying bowl cut, and dark brown eyes that shined with his wide smile. He sprouted some sort of school uniform.

“That.” Nanami’s voice seems to tighten. “Was someone I lost before I could fully figure it out. Haibara.”

Tiana swears she had heard him say that before, but Nanami doesn’t clarify past that, so she doesn’t push him. The air had something sentimental about it, filled with a type of grief she was all too familiar with. She didn’t want either of them to succumb to these overwhelming emotions, so she took another hard swallow.

“What should I do?” Tiana asks gently, not sure how to proceed.

“I’ve never been a religious person.” Nanami sighs. “The one thing everyone who has ever lived has in common is that we will all eventually meet our end. Death doesn’t play favorites when it comes to that, and he can’t be cheated. He doesn’t favor a specific denomination, so it’s shed along with the flesh. We can’t hold onto either in death.”

Nanami hopes that Tiana will find consolation in his words. He prays that they aren’t taken harshly. But these thoughts are what saved him after losing those he was close to time and time again.

“Just pray the way you would in faith.” Nanami bows his head as his eyes shut. “Or simply talk. I’m sure they’ll listen. Not much else they can do.”

Tiana gives an airy laugh through her nose before bowing her head. Those words seemed to strum a specific chord within her that was way too nostalgic to ignore. She searched for something that sounded politically correct, or even poetic, but it seemed forced and dishonest. So she spoke from the heart, matching the rhythmic tune echoing from her soul.

“Um…it’s nice to finally meet those who Nanami holds dear.” She tries to lessen the stiffness in her voice, and Nanami’s head shoots up to look at her. “He has been taking good care of me, and I hope to return his kindness.” She pauses for a second.

“And much more.”

As the two slip their shoes on, Tiana catches a glimpse of Nanami’s face, which he deliberately hides in his scarf.

“You didn’t have to say it out loud.” His voice trembles to mirror the bashfulness clear on his face. Tiana feels herself imitating his emotions, but refuses to back down.

“But it’s the truth.” She states, as strong as an oak. “I mean it.”

Nanami drove the car steadily down the road, soft snores coming from Tiana, who sat curled over with his coat draped over her. Her body steadily rises and falls in a leisurely rhythm, a slight fog coating on the window everytime she exhales. Nanami hums in satisfaction, rubbing his mouth. Every now and then, his eyes would dart to the woman next to him, checking on her while simultaneously taking her in. The way her lips were parted slightly, her eyebrows straining every once and a while due to whatever imagery was flashing behind her lids.

Such a beautiful image that he could live in forever. But even the most beautiful things deteriorate over time.

“What am I going to do with you?” He mutters with a slight prick in his heart, and the photos in his pocket seemed to burn through the fabric and onto his flesh. His guilt was becoming immeasurable.

He pulls into the apartment lot, and his phone chimes. He opens his phone to see a message from Charlotte.

We need to talk.

Nanami exhales, tossing his head back onto his seat. His Adam's apple bobs as he swallows a thick wad, turning over to look at Tiana.

“When you find out…what are you going to do with me?”

Tiana feels a gentle shake on her shoulder, becoming aware that the vehicle had halted its movements. She shuffles to sit up, Nanami’s jacket sliding down her body. As she turns her head, she finds herself almost nose to nose with Nanami. In her half-asleep state, all she can do is blink owlishly, Nanami’s face is just as surprised.

“What?” Tiana groggily breaks the silence, her voice strained. “Is there drool on my face?”

Nanami’s face softens, a low laugh rumbling through his chest. He lets a hand come up to Tiana’s face, thumbing the apple of her cheeks that had marks of sleep. Tiana felt warmth spread through her face paired with that slight tug in her stomach, but even in soft moments such as this, she noticed something hiding behind his eyes. As if there were another face hidden behind his skin. In her state of delirium, Tiana found herself pointing it out.

“You’re so weird.” She whispers.

Nanami lets an airy laugh pass through his nose, almost as if it hurts.

“I thought I was soft.” He matches the decibel of her voice, his eyes flitting to her lips before meeting her gaze again.

“You can be both.” She says. “Softly weird. Weirdly soft. Still working on it.”

Is he gonna kiss me? Right now?

Tiana’s thoughts whirled in her head, her body going rigid as she waited for him to move, but he didn’t. He didn’t dare inch closer, and Tiana was somehow grateful and scorned.

So to salvage her own pride, she pulled away with a somber laugh. She wanted to, the pull between the two was almost palatable. But she just couldn’t bring herself to do it yet. To close that gap.

“It’s getting late.” Tiana said, opening her door without waiting for Nanami as she usually would. She shuts the door a bit abrasively, leaving Nanami to his devices. His thoughts. His iniquities.

Pulling himself together, he joins her, walking her up the stairs as she rambles on.

“I really enjoyed spending time with you today. It’s been a while since we’ve spent an entire day together.” Tiana prattled on as they climbed the stairs two at a time. She talked to distract Nanami from her hesitation, while Nanami listened intently to cover up the weight of his burdens. “We have to do it again soon, so don’t get too busy. I’ll make sure to clear up my schedule anytime, so make sure you make time for me, okay?”

He doesn’t answer, and Tiana’s temples pulse.

“Okay, Nanami?” She looks up at him to make sure he was paying attention, and there's a manner of longing around him.

“Always.” He says.

Tiana nods, the night stalling to end as the two stand on her doorstep. What should she do now? Hug him goodbye? It just seemed too anticlimactic. But anything more would be…

“Well…” Tiana mutters, swatting that tug away. “I…guess this is goodnight.”

Nanami rocked on the balls of his feet momentarily, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Goodnight, Tiana.”

Tiana closes the door, pressing her back against the solid wood, her eyes squeezed shut. Sometimes, she wished that Nanami would take the reigns when it came to moments like this. When she froze, or hesitated, or thought way too much to have a good time. All she can do is sigh, her mind traveling back to the way Nanami held her. His fingers trailing delicately across her face with suppressed assertion. The way his lips looked in the light of the moon, and how she was so close to him that her face reflected in his brown eyes. The gentle whisper of his breath, stealing hers away every time she exhaled, in its place a soul ablaze. All she could do is rub her palms across her face, kneading her fingers into her skin.

“So much for being normal.” She muttered.

“Tia…” Charlotte’s voice turns into softened butter as she listens to Tiana’s plights over the phone. “It’s only you and him in this relationship. You don’t have to impress him, or prove anything to him. What’s important is that you go at your own pace, and that you are comfortable.”

“I know, I know…” Tiana placed her balled fist onto her forehead. “I know, I just. I can’t stop…”

Charlotte gave a knowing smile on the other line. “What? Thinking about him?”

Even though Charlotte couldn’t see her, she knew that Tiana’s face bloomed with color by the intonation of her voice.

“This is stupid.” She finally said.

“No, this is just how feelings develop.” Charlotte rebuttals. “That’s dating.”

Tiana runs her tongue across her teeth, the word resonating within her. Dating.

“You know,” She starts, “Naveen and I didn’t have a lot of this. This…waiting around. The hesitation. He always took charge.” Tiana chuckles at the memories flooding through her brain, but pain wasn't attached to it this time around. “He didn’t do anything against my will of course, but he was all I had. My first…everything.”

Tiana sinks into her couch, wrapping her free arm around her stomach as a guard.

“We moved so fast. Maybe if we took our time…”

Things would be different, Tiana thought. I wouldn’t be hurting so much right now. I wouldn’t be alone.

I wouldn’t have lost him.

I wouldn’t have foun d him.

“Well, don’t think too hard about it right now.” Charlotte tries to pick up the somber mood. “Don’t want you down and out before your date.”

The color returned to Tiana’s cheeks. “It’s not a date!” She defended. “He’s just helping me regain courage behind the wheel, s’all.”

“Uh huh.” Charlotte said.

“Enough about me.” Tiana fanned the air, changing the subject quickly. “What about you? How’s work at the boutique? You haven’t mentioned it lately.”

Charlotte’s throat locked for a moment, and she felt a sharp pain roll through her stomach. Gritting her teeth, she forces a lie out of her pink lips.

“Oh, nothing much.” Charlotte messaged her stomach, kneading the guilt away. “I, uh…took some time off to help daddy.”

“Oh no.” Tiana’s voice ripples with concern as she sits up. “Is he alright?”

“You know daddy, he’s getting up there in age and doesn’t know how to slow down.” Charlotte sprinkled a bit of truth into her story. “I’m just making sure he relaxes properly.”

“Ya sure you ain't stressing him out more?” Tiana laughs, but Charlotte doesn’t join in. Instead, she chews on the skin around her nail, gnawing at her flesh until she tastes a bit of metal.

“How’s your promotion coming along?” Charlotte's voice is muffled behind her teeth, deterring the conversation.

“Oh!” Tiana seems to brighten. “So much better than before. I’m also in charge of scouting interns for the next quarter and building my teams based on their resume submissions. It’s crazy how I was in their position almost a year ago.” Tiana said dreamily. But one thing that stuck out was how early these resumes seemed to flood in compared to how late she sent her and got the job.

Everything up until now must have purely been luck.

“I’m respected and more or less brown nosed every time I walk into a room, but all in all, it reminds me of…” She pauses, her eyes fogging over as she sinks into visages of cutlery, the sounds of a full dining room, and the scent of spices. “Of being in the kitchen. Except my apron is replaced with pencil skirts.” She giggles. “And even though it’s not my preferred career path, it feels like I’m getting my bearings, you know?”

Charlotte swallowed hard.

“Tia…” She mutters, her finger throbbing to the bet of her heart.. “I’m glad everything is going well with you. You seem…brighter.”

Which is why I can’t tell you.

“T-Thank you.” Tiana blushed. Is it really that obvious?

Tiana’s phone buzzes in her hand, and her heartbeat triples when she reads a text from Nanami saying that he was outside.

“Oh, girl I have to go!” Tiana’s voice perks up as she scrambles off the couch. “I’ll tell you how it went, okay, gottagobye-!”

And the line dies.

Charlotte grips the phone and places it onto her bathroom counter as she looks at the state of her body in the mirror. Her limbs had swollen, and her neck had gained a bit of girth. If Tiana were to see her now, she’d think Charlotte overdid it with the processed sweets while she was gone. But the most obvious reason was her swollen stomach that seemed to pull her forward; the size of an inflated basketball but holding the weight of a growing child and her immeasurable guilt.

“Three months.” She whispered, dabbing at her eyes.

“Just three more months.”

When Tiana stepped outside, she noticed how the car Nanami was driving in wasn’t his car, nor was it a standard vehicle you would find in the States. Because the steering wheel seemed to be on the right side of the car.

“What, didn’t trust me enough to drive yours?” Tiana joked as Nanami stepped out of the car, but in all honesty she was trembling with nerves.

“On the contrary.” Nanami said, folding his arms. “Because of your…” He pauses, being sure to be as careful as possible. “Past experiences, I feel like this would be the least traumatic for you.”

Tiana stares at him, utterly dumbfounded.

“So you think because the driver’s side is switched that I won’t keel over due to panic behind the wheel.”

Nanami’s brows furrowed as he stared at Tiana, who’s lids are low with her two-toned lips slightly agape.

“Yes?” He replies nervously.

Tiana lets out a sigh, and at first, Nanami immediately goes to explain himself; how he wanted to make sure she was comfortable, how he was trying to keep the situation as light as possible because of the morbid circumstances. But when she looks up with the corner of her lips upturned despite her knitted brows, he realizes it was out of humor. She was just nervous.

“Oh, Kento.” Tiana says, rubbing her face. “Alright, let’s get this over with.”

“We’ll start easy, just sitting in the driver’s side first. We’ll go to my place so it’s just you and me.” He spoke softly to her as if not to startle her.

Despite her anxieties, her heart still pounded behind her ribs.

“Okay.”

Nanami’s driving bootcamp was a task to behold, more so on her mental health than anything even with how gentle he spoke. Everyday for a little over two weeks, Tiana found herself in quite the conundrum.

On one hand, she was battling head on with her fear of simply being behind the wheel. Nanami started slowly, asking her to sit in the driver’s seat and hold the steering wheel. The first few times, Tiana’s hands jolted back from the leather as if it had scorched her. And once she was able to grip the wheel, images would blur pass so fast it made her sick. Stormy skies with clouds bleeding across the horizon. The sensation of being folded and bent at awkward angles, her joints twinging. The smell of blood and swamp water. The feeling of something being excavated out of her. The sensation of everything she loved slipping from her fingers.

But Nanami would hold her hands and simply tell her to breathe.

And this is where the confusion started.

Because when his hands graced over her, massaging her fingers to ease them off the wheel, her pain dulled immensely. When he spoke to her with direct eye contact, mumbling soft praises and words of affirmation, she could feel that empty hole within her be filled once more. It was more than just butterflies. It was like being hurled into space, straight towards the sun.

And when Tiana finally managed to press the gas gently without shuttling the car forward out of fear, he held her in his arms as she celebrated.

“Oh my god.” Tiana said in disbelief. It may have been an inch, but it felt like a mile. She slung the seatbelt off, jumping out of the car and Nanami followed. She paced around the vehicle, overwhelmed with her progress. She couldn't believe it. “I did it! Nanami, I did it- oof!”

He had engulfed her in a scoping embrace, twirling her around with a loud laugh.

“You did!” He sounded so overjoyed, and Tiana’s eye pricked with water as she got choked up. “I’m so proud of you! You did so well. I knew you could do it.”

When was the last time she heard someone lift her up like this? Both verbally or physically?

And she cried. She fell to her knees, sobbing into Nanami's chest as he held her tightly. She didn’t cry for the life that she had lost, nor was a single tear shed for Naveen for once. She cried for herself finally getting that sense of relief she had been praying for so long for.

She cried because for the first time in years, she could finally visualize a future for herself.

It felt good being held.

It felt even greater being loved.

But nothing could be grander than actively feeling growth.

So when she finally took her first drive around an empty parking garage, she almost cursed herself because she felt as if she had tumbled backwards once more, as if her previous growth meant shit and was nothing more than a fluke. She felt herself grow agitated, to the point where tears would well in frustration.

She’d shut her eyes every now and then, but the once dark skies that plagued her vision were replaced with the visage of Nanami’s smile. Her grip around the wheel would tense everytime Nanami’s fingers traced over her body to correct her posture of hand placement. And when he spoke in that rich tone, low and sentimental, she’d slam on the breaks so hard causing both of them to headbutt the dashboard or compartment box respectively.

“Are you still nervous?” Nanami said, rubbing his forehead, looking at Tiana in concern. But she couldn’t bring herself to face him, instead reaching out of the driver’s window to adjust her side view mirror to hide the heat creeping up her neck.

“No…” She muttered, fiddling with the mirror. “It’s something else.”

That damn tug that just wouldn’t seem to loosen. It kept pulling her closer and closer to him, no matter how much she ignored it or tried to wave it away. It was there, glaring her in the face and she just couldn't face it head on. She began to build up a resentment with herself, because dammit, why couldn't she just let things flow as they should? Why was she actively holding herself back?

Why was she afraid to be swallowed whole by this feeling?

So she tried to let it consume her, bit by bit. Allowing herself to relax in his touch instead of fighting its hold on her. Initiating romantic gestures without feeling shy to show her affection. And Nanami enjoyed every second of it. He loved when Tiana would hold her gaze with his so long that he would be the one to look away first. He was enamored when Tiana would use her hands to intricately trace the angles of his face, sometimes dancing around his lips painstakingly. His heart would thrash every time she uttered his name like a soft praise.

He fawned over every aspect of her, falling for her daily as the sun did for the moon.

The middle of March arrives, the snow beginning to melt along with Tiana’s exterior. Her driving isn’t perfect, and her attempts at remaining cool when receiving affection wasn’t always consistent, but she attempted nonetheless. Hugs grew longer as the patience between the two seemed to grow shorter, both trying to find out who would make the first move. The standard was set, but both were weary of how the other would react. Nanami hesitated in fear of pushing Tiana too far, and Tiana stalled in fear that she would push them too fast. This area here was comfortable, it was soft, but it seemed to avoid what would truly make them both vulnerable. They were teetering on an edge, one touch away from falling further into each other’s hearts. And while their actions were blatant, there was still something that needed to be said to be a confirmation. Something to be heard that would solidify the ground they stood on.

Slowly, the car rides became longer and longer, neither wanting their time together to end while also being fixated on shedding a new layer of Tiana’s fears everyday. Tiana pushed herself to bask in Nanami's presence, and Nanami selfishly allowed her to. Around the block turned into down the street. Then down the road and around the corner. Finally, working her way up to the main roads, but only when they weren't as busy.

Nanami’s methods weren’t an end all be all, he still suggested she seek help from others outside of him to completely heal her traumas. Nanami simply helped her be able to get where she needed to go, or wanted to go.

“It’s going to start warming up soon…” Tiana muttered, leaning on Nanami’s kitchen counter after her morning drive. They tried to squeeze in as much time before their shifts, a ploy to ride to work together if they were in the same building that day.

“I still wanted to see the snow monsters. We…never got to go back.” Tiana almost retracted her statement, remembering how well the trip went last time. She wondered if Nanami still mulled over it, or if he tried to forget about it all together.

Nanami, standing across from her, sipping a mug of coffee simply shrugged.

“Let’s go now, then.” He simply says, and Tiana does a double take.

“What?” She asks.

“Let’s go.” He says, putting the mug down onto the counter Tiana was leaning on, growing close. But Tiana didn’t shrink away. She tilted her head up, looking at him quizzically.

“Now?” She asks a bit too loudly, her brows almost touching her hairline. “You mean, right now?”

“Why not?” Nanami asks, his face growing a bit smug. “You have sick time, and I’m the boss.”

Tiana folds her arms as she chastises him. “Oh, ha-ha.” She titters, pushing past him and walking to the living room. Nanami follows with a chuckle.

“I’m serious.” He clasps his hand into hers and spins her around. His fingers squeeze as he looks deeply into her eyes, his face unwavering. “Come on. Let’s go. Right now.”

Tiana almost agrees immediately, but where’s the logic in that?

What was the logic in this?

This handsome man was up to something.

“What about clothes?” She rightfully asks, but Nanami refuses to back down.

“We can get everything we need when we get there.” He says.

“Mmm…” Tiana’s brows sink into her face as she squints. He seemed so eager, and Tiana would be lying if she said she wasn’t. The glint in his eyes mimicked the one in her own. But there was something about it that made her suspicious.

“Then we’re taking the bus again?” Tiana tilted her head. “We’ll need to leave now if we want to make it.”

And there it was, that mischievous smile that always told Tiana that this man was up to no good. The foxlike squint of his eyes, always calculating and observing things Tiana couldn’t see. He took his free hand, gently escorting some hair behind Tiana’s ear as if to make sure she hears him properly as he speaks with the smuggest smile.

“You'll be getting us there.”

ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ | ɴᴇxᴛ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ | ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴀʜᴇᴀᴅ | ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ʟɪꜱᴛ

#tianami #tiana x nanami #fanfic #anime #manga #writing #ao3 fanfic #jujutsu kaisen #misty #crack fic

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anoradraws · 2 years

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Z-Move with a Price (Part 3)

My first attempt at a P.O.V short story; hope you enjoy!

Summary: ‘While a battle you were forced to engage in pursues, your Z-Move attempt has mysteriously backfired... and now you have to pay for the consequences.’

⚠️WARNING:⚠️ Explicit language, mild violence and gore, slight sexual preferences. Read at your own caution.

Guzma drags you with him to the Pokémon Center in downtown Iki Town, where Team Skull admin Plumeria and nearly the entirety of the grunts waited patiently for your arrival and Guzma’s. Once you both arrived, Guzma tells a couple of the grunts to keep guard outside the clinic while he keeps his grip tightly onto your left wrist as he drags you with him inside the building with Plumeria and about two more grunts following behind, and the rest of the team either followed you all in or assist in the guard.

At the front desk, Nurse Joy and her Blissey became shocked at the arrival of Team Skull, but especially at the arrival of Guzma himself. She didn’t know if Team Skull were preparing to raid the Pokémon Center, cause some random ruckus to annoy the staffers, or...

Guzma approaches the nervous nurse, but held a more concerned look on his face as he explains the more important situation to her.

“Please nurse, I need your help in healing my Pokémon, Golisopod!” He requested with a steady but worrisome tone in his voice.

Befuddled by the gentle request coming from a gangster boss, Nurse Joy tries to recollect her thoughts back into reality as she replies. “Eh, are you sure? I-I mean, what seems to be the problem?”

Guzma pulls out Golisopod’s pokeball once more and releases his prized pocket monster for the nurse to see for herself. The nurse looks over at the large isopod creature and see the bloodied brutality that appears before her, shocking her to the point where she feels her life flashing before her eyes.

“Sweet Arceus, what did you do?!?” She cried just as she pressed the emergency button on her desk, summoning a few staff members to prepare a gurney, some IV, and other medical attention to get Guzma’s Golisopod ready for treatment.

“What happened to this poor Pokémon?!” Nurse Joy asked once more with a continued look of fear on her face.

Guzma pulls your arm up in midair and pulls you closer to his side as he remarks. “Why don’t you ask her instead? She’s the one responsible for this mess!”

Nurse Joy just looks at you with slight confusion but still held that terrified concern for Golisopod and asks. “Is this true? What did you do?”

You chuckled as you try to lighten the mood a bit with a corny reply. “Heh... funny story...”

Guzma squeezes your wrist tighter in his bear hand, annoyed by your reply of how this current situation is funny.

“GA-AAH-- B-But not as funny as you might think!” You winced by Guzma’s crushing your wrist, almost hearing a piece of bone break through the skin, but then you continued as you submit to your actions. “(Sigh) In all seriousness... yes, I did this to Golisopod... it’s true, it’s my fault.”

Nurse Joy couldn’t believe it, coming from even an assistant to Professor Kukui, but it was indeed true; you did something horrific which caused the move to result in the current yet gruesome plight which poor Golisopod now suffers from. You continued to explain what happened while staffers begin to cart the injured Pokémon through the large doors that lead to the surgery room.

“I don’t even know how it happened though; all I know is I-I was about to win the battle but then, once I powered up my Z-Move I-it was like-- I-I lost control or, I don’t know, something else made the move take a setback and then there was this explosion, fire, brimstone, and worst of all it took a serious hit-- literally-- on Golisopod, and... (sigh) well... here we are.”

It wasn’t quite the best explanation you had recollected, but it was enough for Nurse Joy to feel a little more sympathy for what Golisopod had gone through, and understood what became of Golisopod’s injuries.

Momentarily she makes another statement. “Well, I suppose with the conditions Golisopod is going through, it might actually take some time for it to fully recover, but...”

You swallow your tongue as you feel a bad sense of what the nurse might say next.

“Especially in this critical condition, there may be a chance... he won’t make it.”

The nurse’s last comment made Guzma squeeze your wrist even tighter, even making you feel uncomfortable by Nurse Joy’s bad news at this point as you yell in your head ‘Ohpleasedon’tsaythatpleasedon’tsaythatpleasedon’tsaythat!’. Then the nurse explains once more.

“However, we’ll be checking in and keeping you up to date on how your Golisopod is doing; for now I’ll see to it that Golisopod is prepared for further evaluation before we get started on his surgery.” Afterwards, the nurse returns to the desk and gets back to work with her Blissey partner assisting her.

While the conversations between you and Nurse Joy may have been over, it still didn’t fully convince Guzma as he was still transfixed on the thought that as the nurse quoted awhile ago, that Golisopod may not make it; which suddenly enrages him more and starts to tighten your wrist in his hand, and then furiously drags you to a dark corner of the hallway at the right hand side of the Center’s front desk.

You were then nearly lifted up against the wall by Guzma, looking straight into his eyes as you were almost at the core of your fear by what he was going to do next. You try to calm him down while trying to defend for your life.

“Guzma, wait; I don’t think the nurse really meant what she said-- she’s only doing her job! Please, please, wait!!!”

With wrath in his expression, Guzma lifts a fully prepared fist as he was actually about to take a true beating to you!

You try your fullest to calm him, but the fear in your voice just fuels Guzma’s anger more. “NO! WAIT! PLEASE, PLEASE DON’T DO THIS; I’M SORRY, I’M TRULY SORRY, I’LL BE FOREVER SORRY BY THIS, I SWEAR!!!”

Within seconds Guzma readies to strike until you cried once more. “PLEASEPLEASEI’LLDOANYTHING!!!ANYTHINGYOUWANT!!!--

“I’LLDOANYTHINGFORYOU!!!!!!”

You close your eyes for the incoming punch you feel would eventually leave you 15 to 20 stitches and several bruises, but as your life flashed before your eyes you instead hear a different sound:

CREACKK!!!

A ringing in your ear where the sound comes from emerges but only for a few solid seconds while your eyes still close from seeing the impact of Guzma’s fist. In fact, you physically feel no hit at all; nothing has made even a dent on your pretty nose or other parts of your face. You slowly but easily open your eyes, despite feeling pale as a ghost, and you look to see Guzma’s fist set within inches off the side of your head, smashed into a now cracked wall you are continuously pinned against, and seeing a small hint of blood coming from Guzma’s knuckles from where he had punched just moments ago.

Guzma lowers his now bloodied fist to his waist, but keeps you pinned up against the wall as you breath profusely from the fear of being beaten by the Team Skull leader. Then Guzma stares deep into your eyes as something new starts swimming in his head. Was it something you said that stopped him from punching you? Something even you are now starting to regret despite it stopped him from harming you?

Finally, Guzma cracks half a grin as he repeats the frightened words you shouted a moment ago. “You’ll do anything for me, huh?”

You stuttered while trying to recover from the fear of being punched by a giant pissed off gorilla that is Guzma. “... W-Well, um... I-I mean...”

Guzma lowers you back to the ground while he pulls out another pokeball from his pants pockets as he continued. “You’re right; you’re too pretty of a face to be beaten with my fists. Let’s make this a little more interesting though;”

Meanwhile, Plumeria, followed by about three grunts that followed behind, and your Bulbasaur each heard the loud commotion coming from you and Guzma and wanted to see what was going on as they hear Guzma continue talking to you.

“... You and me. A rematch. One on one this time.”

You swallowed some air as you hear Guzma’s conditions of the new battle you and Guzma will be pursuing in soon. “If you win, I’ll accept all your apologies and you can go on your way.” Then you asked despite you probably already know what the other hand will hold. “What about you if you win?”

Guzma smiles a little wider than even your Gengar would normally do, and he replies with a slight whisper to your ear. “... If I win?... Then you belong to me.”

You feel your soul nearly drop from your physical being after hearing those last five words. Why didn’t I just take the punch, you thought endlessly now, but listen at the same time as Guzma continued.

“If I win the battle, you’ll not only belong to me, but you’ll still stay with me even until Golisopod gets back on his feet-- if he does get better that is, which he’d better be for your sake. Until then, I’ll be thinking up every punishment for you to suffer, and something even bigger once Golisopod’s surgery is done. You got all that?”

With no other choice, and without any second thoughts, you agree to Guzma’s terms. “O-Okay, okay, I-I’ll battle you.”

Then Guzma turns his head and notices his second in command and his grunts listening in on the conversation, but he mostly notices your Bulbasaur who held a worrisome expression over the whole ordeal, and thought up another idea in his head as he told you once more.

“Bring your Bulbasaur into the rematch; I want to see how well he can actually fight like you always brag about.”

“Toothless?” You asked as you turn to Guzma’s direction and see your Bulbasaur alongside Plumeria and the grunts, all holding confused and worried looks of what you and Guzma were discussing. Then you momentarily agree as you didn’t want to piss off Guzma than he already is. “Alright, okay, Toothless can fight with me.”

At this moment Plumeria had already figured out what you and Guzma were talking about and she spoke up of the situation. “You guys are already talking up another battle between you two-- especially at a time like this?”

“Relax Plumes, we talked some negotiations and we’re gonna have a one on one rematch for it.” Guzma reassured with a smug expression while still gripping onto the collar of your hoodie shirt.

Plumeria shook her head, knowing Guzma may have a trick or two up his sleeve, and then she replied with a reassured look on her face towards you. “Alright, but this time I’ll be the referee in this match. Not because of being in Team Skull, but I want this to be a clean and fair fight this time.”

----------

Outside the Pokémon Center, you and Guzma were setting up for a rematch even though you personally feel this is going to come back and bite you in the ass; you brush up with your Bulbasaur-- Toothless-- to figure out some battle tactics against one of Guzma’s Pokémon even though he didn’t say what he was planning to use, and once you finally ready your Bulbasaur, you tell Plumeria to get the battle rolling.

“Alright; Team Skull Boss Guzma vs. Research Assistant (Y/N)-- REMATCH: One on One Battle!” Plumeria announced as a few spectators outside the Pokemon Center watch with interest. “Bring out your chosen Pokémon!”

You send Toothless out on the makeshift battlefield in the middle of the beachy street while Guzma sends out his second Pokémon of his personal bug team-- an Ariados, the long leg Pokémon.

Most of the crowd were cheering for you as you were publicly known as Kukui’s research assistant while you reside in Alola, all in hopes you would beat Team Skull’s Boss and show ‘em their place in society.

“Let’s go (Y/N)!” One spectator cheered. “You can do it!”

“Even an assistant to Professor Kukui is no match for Team Skull!” Another cheered.

One of the onlooker’s child suddenly notices something off about you. “Mommy, is the Pwofesas’ asisant supos to shake wike that?”

Something was definitely off about you; you’re actually just standing there, frozen but quivering in fear for some reason. You’re breathing heavily and sweating profusely; something was frightening you to the bone. Even your Toothless looks back at you and notices your shaking in fear, but then he looks back at his opponent, the Ariados, and at that moment your Toothless realized something--

-- You are deathly afraid of spiders-- specifically any Spider Pokémon-- even a common Dewpider sends you running up a tree like a scared Persian! And it’s a phobia you had completely forgotten about once you agreed to battle Guzma again. Any time a spider or spider-looking Pokémon is used against you, it is your Bulbasaur who is not only your starter Pokémon you formed a bond back in Kanto, but he’s also your emotional support Pokémon to calm you even from your greatest fears while you’re in battle; but now that Toothless is on the battlefield he can’t necessarily be right at your side to calm you.

Toothless panics in realization that he can’t follow his trainer’s commands while calming you at the same time. However, it was already too late when Plumeria signals to start the rematch. “BATTLE: BEGIN!”

Guzma smirks while he gives the first command to his Ariados. “Use Shadow Sneak!”

The Ariados quickly uses a ghost type move to make the first pounce on Toothless, while Toothless himself turns around and tries to snap you out of your phobia as he uses his vine whip to smack your face back to reality. Unfortunately, the Ariados manages to strike Toothless with his move, knocking Toothless to the side while you suddenly cower as you crouch yourself to avert your sights at the Ariados, not realizing your Toothless is in danger despite his own strength in surviving the first attack.

Guzma orders Shadow Sneak with his Ariados a couple more times in weakening your Toothless and finally finishes the battle in its entirety with Infestation, making Toothless push back in mid air and thrown right at you, knocking the both of you to the ground. You finally snap back to reality once your Bulbasaur smacks you in the head, but at what cost as you see Toothless knocked out of the ring, and you rush over to help him.

“Toothless! No! I-I’m so sorry!!!” You cried with deep regret of letting your phobia getting straight to you as you check Toothless’s condition as Toothless is now knocked out cold.

Plumeria checks over your shoulder to see Toothless out of the ring and out of consciousness from the battle, and announces the winner. “(Y/N)’s Bulbasaur is unable to battle, which means Team Skull Boss Guzma is the winner!”

As Plumeria announced the winner, you suddenly feel a deep chill in the air, a dark and foreboding appall, and a harrowing realization-- that you now belong to Guzma, the Team Skull leader and Boss.

While some of the spectators either left the scene or felt disappointed by your loss, Guzma calls back his Ariados and momentarily walks vigorously to his prize. He slightly slouches over your head as you were kneeling to the ground speechless by your loss and recovering your Bulbasaur with some health potions you packed in your backpack, and he chuckles in delight.

“A deal’s a deal princess... you’re mine now.”

You shiver at the thought of being anywhere near Guzma once you looked up slightly at him; then you take out an empty Master Ball and actually transferred your Bulbasaur back in for safekeeping. Then, without any hesitation, you try to run away from him-- again!

“Oh-ho no you don’t!” Guzma chuckled as he finally grabs you by the hood of your hoodie shirt, and then he lifts you by your waist and starts to drag you back into the Pokémon Center. While you struggled to get away, you also accused Guzma of purposely sending out the Ariados, knowing well of your arachnophobia.

"You son of a bitch-- bastard; you tricked me! You knew I'm scared of spider Pokémon, didn't you?!?"

"I tricked you?" Guzma laughed. "I only told you to battle with your Bulbasaur, I never told you what I was gonna battle with. Besides, we'll count this as your first part of your list of punishments."

"You motherf--!!!"

Momentarily, you and Guzma are back inside the Pokémon Center, when Nurse Joy shortly notices your return and approaches the two of you to ask something.

"Oh, I see you two have returned!" She said with a steady voice. "I have been meaning to ask you anyway; since your Golisopod will be under intensive care for the next few days, would you be considered to staying here as well?”

Guzma forms a mischievous grin at you as he replied. “Why yes, actually; in fact do you have something of a honeymoon suite?”

“WHAT?!?!” You cried before Guzma would cover your mouth from talking anymore, half of your mind hoping he’s just joking.

Even Nurse Joy gave a befuddled expression by Guzma’s request, but continued. “O-Oh? Eh, well, I mean-- of course, there is a special one-bed complex you may take residence in while your Pokémon recovers; would that be alright?”

Objectively, you lick Guzma’s hand to break free from his grasp; Guzma flinches by your disgusting gesture while he still grips together tightly to your arms and waist with one arm. while at the same time you cried. “I’d rather sleep in a dumpster than share a room with this egomaniac!!!”

Quickly, Guzma covers your mouth, and this time he ignores you trying to lick your way out of his clutches again, which in all honesty you really didn’t want to do again. Then Guzma agrees to Nurse Joy’s bedroom accommodation, while also speaking on your behalf.

“That’ll be perfect, and sorry about that; you know brides-- post-marital nerves, am I right?”

“MMPFF?!?!?!” What the fuck did he just say?!? you screamed internally.

Meanwhile, Plumeria and most of the Team Skull grunts continued to post guard duties almost all around the lobby and cornerstones of the building (both inside and outside of the Pokémon Center), and while they weren’t necessarily ‘taking over’ the Pokémon Center, it’s only because their Boss’s Pokémon is currently in critical condition and is undergoing evaluation so far. Plumeria, followed by a couple of grunts, couldn’t help but overhear some of the discussions going on between you, Guzma, and Nurse Joy; she approaches the three individuals as the exchange become anxious with you trying to piece together if Guzma’s just joking as part of your punishments with you frantically yelling and struggling to get away.

Shortly however, Nurse Joy hands Guzma an assigned key card for the bedroom suite she mentioned earlier. “Here is your room key; hope you two have a lovely... eh, honeymoon.”

“Honeymoon?” Plumeria chuckled as she already figured Guzma is up to his tricks again. “Didn’t think you guys would make up that fast, especially after everything that happened today.”

You finally shake Guzma’s hand away from your mouth as you explained. “BULLSHIT, and you KNOW it!!! He’s just using that as either an excuse to get a free room, or another one of his ‘punishments’ to get back at me!”

Guzma holds your arms and waist tightly with one hand while twirling the key card in his free hand, and at the same time he replied. “Well, getting the room was more of a bonus really since you and I are going to be staying here awhile anyway; and on top of that, you deserved this punishment baby.”

You groaned with an annoyed look on your face.

“Oh, before I forget,” Guzma pulls out his pokeball containing Ariados, then he reaches into your hoodie pocket and pull out your pokeball containing your Bulbasaur. He hands both injured Pokémon to Nurse Joy while he remarks with a sinister grin. “See if you can heal our Pokémon real quick and bring them up to our room when your done. (Y/N) and I had our battle earlier today, which kinda led to us getting... eloped.”

Your whole body shudders by the last word Guzma spoke, not to mention your stomach growls in queasiness.

Plumeria chuckles and shakes her head as she prepares to walk away when she spoke once more. “Well, I’ve got a few errands to run anyway, and it’s getting a bit late; I’ll leave some grunts to watch over the place and make sure they don’t do anything else stupid. This is the Pokémon Center after all. And hey, enjoy your ‘honeymoon’ ya lovebirds.”

Saying the last part of the sentence made the grunts that were following Plumeria respond with shock and awe in their eyes. Possibly, they don’t even realize this is all just one of Guzma’s elaborate schemes to mostly punish you.

“(Gasp) Boss is married now?!” Grunt F cried with his expression looking both bewildered and excited.

“Ooh! I love weddings! Congratulations, Boss and Boss-Queen!” Grunt J congratulated as she mysteriously pulls out a traditional bag of wedding rice and throws the little pieces over your head and Guzma’s in a celebratory fashion.

“Wait, where did you pull out that bag of rice--?” You asked but then decided to shut your mouth as you thought to yourself. What am I saying, this is Team Skull here; they’ll steal anything including a Bus Stop sign.

“Alright, beat it you two;” Guzma ordered. “It’s getting late like Plums said, and you should get back to being grunts and go guard the Pokémon Center.”

Shortly afterwards, Guzma finally carries you in a bridal fashion while gripping your arms and legs together so you wouldn’t struggle much to try escaping again, and he carries you to the assigned Center room complex.

#Pokémon #ANoraDraws #Pokémon Literature #Fan Fiction #AND Stories #Part 3 #Short Stories #POV #Pokémon Sun and Moon #Pokémon Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon #Team Skull #Guzma #Plumeria #Bulbasaur #Golisopod

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thatndginger · 1 month

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reminder that this is a personal blog and sometimes i wanna shout at the void about my feelings~

It's been a long time since I've had a mental break this bad. Like, the last time I remember having this many consecutive panic attacks was first time I dropped out of university after failing half my classes for the second semester in a row. That was... seven years ago? Six?

I've definitely had some real low points since then, but dropping out is the closest example I have of being completely burnt out and at the end of my rope. And while existing as I am right now fucking sucks and I want to crawl into a cave and wither away, it's also a very bright example of how much I've improved in how I react and cope with difficult mental health episodes.

Six years ago I would have burned bridges. Crying in front of my boss? Admitting I need help to her? I'd have literally rather completely nuked my life and risked not being able to pay rent. I would possibly even have moved to an entirely new state on short notice to avoid acknowledging that I was not okay. The only thing I cared about at that time was my dog and staying alive for her and her alone.

But now? Yeah, I cried in front of my boss. I fucking hate that I did that and I'm trying to deal with some deeply-ingrained guilt about making people worry about me and 'not pulling my weight' at work. But I'm still going in to work today and looking my boss in the face. We had a very honest discussion about what we need to do and how much I need to cut back. I'm trying to think of small, easy things to do to bring joy back into my life. I'm trying to be kind to myself and making sure I rest. I'm letting people worry about me. I haven't once thought of quitting my job, running away, or any other number of self-destructive things I've done in the past.

I still feel like shit. Thinking of leaving my apartment makes me start crying, thinking of going to work sets of my fight-or-flight response. I haven't been able to track time in any form in months, sleep has been a constant battle for weeks, my back and knee are in almost constant low-grade pain, and I've had more migraines in the past few months and I had in the last year. Add on top of that the guilt of cutting my hours back because it means I'm not contributing as much money to household finances, the guilt of not writing, and it's a real bad time in my head.

But I have a support system to help me now. And I know how to fight the shitty thoughts. It fucking sucks and I have a lot to work on with the guilt and anxiety, but for maybe the first time in my life it doesn't feel like an impossible challenge to do that. a hard one, but not impossible

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helenaheissner · 3 months

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Love During Robot Fighting Time: Chapter 26

Kate

“I have an idea,” I said to Nadine. We were in the garage part of Gaines’ facilities, and we had the place to ourselves. Nothing but us, my robot, and the smell of oil and grease. I wore a simple, practical outfit that day- a pair of jeans and a buttoned-up pink flannel. It was almost staggering how many pink articles of clothing I’d acquired in the past month, but I wasn’t exactly complaining. It just… Made me happy. A way to signal who I was, who I was becoming and who I’d always been. Yeah, it was a stereotype, but I didn’t care. It was what I liked, and there was nothing wrong with it.

Nadine put her camera down. “Run it by me.”

“Cheerleader.”

“Go on.”

“That could be my gimmick.”

“Intriguing. Whose cheerleader?”

“My own, I guess,” I said. “What do you think?”

“Would you dress like one?”

“That would be the idea,” I said. “I don’t think I would start until next year tho- by then, my boobs will have grown a bit, hopefully.” I gestured to them, or to the lack of them, and managed to accidentally tap my chest…

… At which point, there was a small sting, a little bite of soreness.

They were coming. The hormones were working.

I could have cried, but instead, I danced.

Faith’s lessons had been paying off, and I found myself flailing around my robot with a slightly greater degree of coordination than I normally would have. Nadine started snapping her digital camera. “Good. Good. Keep doing that.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, you might actually be able to pull this whole cheerleader angle off. I’d get a few more dance lessons first, though,” Nadine said.

“Okay, duly noted,” I said, giggling and brushing the hair out of my face. Really needed to do something about this. I’d scheduled a salon appointment for that day, though, so this would be less of an issue then.

Hopefully they’d be able to accomplish what I was asking them to do.

That was when Gaines stormed in, a hulking wall of muscle with a throbbing forehead vein and an utter dearth of chill. “Hi, ladies,” he grimaced. “How’s it going here?”

“Good,” I smiled.

His scowl deepened.

“Yes, boss?” Nadine asked. “Can I help you with something?”

“I’m only gonna ask this once: who’s idea was it have Ms. Calloway stand in front of a trans pride flag and post it on our social media with the caption ‘trans rights are human rights?’”

Nadine opened her mouth, but I cut her off. I couldn’t let her take the fall for me, not after she’d helped me so much. “It was my idea, sir.”

They both looked at me and blinked rapidly. “Was it, now?” Gaines asked. “Because I’ve lost a dozen members in the past week because they aren’t comfortable with our current direction.”

“That was always going to be a risk, sir,” I pointed out. “You knew what you were doing when you agreed to keep being my sponsor.”

Nadine looked ready to faint. I was pretty sure she’d stopped breathing. Couldn’t blame her- Gaines was fuming so hard he was sucking all the oxygen from the room. “I see. Well, I suppose that’s true. And I suppose it’s also my fault for not checking my own feed. But tell me- why should I keep sponsoring you if you’re going to keep doing something that will alienate potential clientele?”

I bunched my fists and clenched my jaw, but the anger flowed out of me just as soon as it came. I didn’t need it. There was only one thing I needed, and that was confidence in myself, in my abilities, in what I was doing and my ability to get it done. “Because I’m gonna win you a championship, Mr. Gaines.”

“Are you now?” Gaines said, cocking (I could hear Faith laughing from however many miles she was from here) one of his massive gray-brown eyebrows.

I stood up straight, unclenched my fists, breathed in and out, and looked him square in the face. God, he was buff. He could crush me if he wanted to. Literally and metaphorically. But I knew people like him, how they thought, what they responded to: force. Strength. Grit. “Yes. And when I do, everyone will shut up. People will stop caring about whatever bias makes them not like me, and they’ll see a champion, plain and simple. And they’ll come to you to get the parts of a champion, to get their vehicle fixed up in a place where a champion built her robot.”

“Will they?”

“Yes. They will. People don’t care about you ‘represent’ if you’re winning. They only care that you’re winning. And I’m gonna win big this year. Sir.”

He squinted, pointed at me with his comically large index finger… And threw his head back and laughed. “Alright then, girly- if you say so. I like your gumption, I’ll give you that much. Here’s the arrangement, then- you bring me a championship trophy, and I’ll stick with you. I’ll even give you an increase on your stipend. But you come up even an inch short? You’re done. Find a new sponsor. Capiche?”

“Capiche,” I affirmed, extending a hand.

We shook, and I kept eye contact the entire time.

Finally, Gaines turned around. “Nadine?”

“Yes, boss?”

“Keep up the good work. Whatever you’ve done, you’ve done a fine job of it.”

“Uh… Thanks, sir,” Nadine said.

He was silent for the rest of his exit from the garage. A moment passed by before Nadine looked at me and said, “Are you crazy?!”

I shrugged. “I’ve been called worse.”

“That’s not reassuring.”

“I think I’ll be fine.”

“You don’t think you’re being in any way overconfident?”

“Oh, I’m being grossly overconfident,” I said. “But it was either that or lose my sponsor right before the tournament starts.”

“Fair enough. I just… I like working with you. You seem like a good person, and I don’t want to see you get cut loose.”

I smiled at her. “Thank you. I like working with you too. But, uh, one thing at a time, yeah?”

She smiled back. “Yeah. So, should we finish up this shoot?”

“Yes, please,” I said, throwing my hair back.

***

I stepped into the salon in Manhattan Beach, the peach and violet scents of shampoo and conditioner combining with gentle lights at the chairs and the warm hum of dryers. Seabreeze from the nearby ocean drifted in and cooled the place lovingly while offering its own calming aroma. A shapely Latina with dyed red hair wearing an orange knit-dress stepped forward over the black linoleum floor and said, “Hi! Are you Kate Calloway?”

“Yup! How’d you know?”

“I’m Ronda, your mother’s stylist. You look a lot like her.”

“Aw, thank you,” I said, trying very, very hard to maintain eye contact in spite of my own exhaustion. The encounter with Gaines had left me a lot more emotionally drained than I’d been expecting, but I wanted to be polite. Women came to salons and felt an overwhelming surge of sororal solidarity, so I wanted to feel that too. “Might be even more true after today.”

“Oh yeah, I got the picture you sent me,” Ronda said, guiding me into a chair with a wash bin behind it. “You sure you wanna go for it? You’ll have to come back tomorrow so we can finish it off, and it requires a ton of upkeep if you want to maintain it long term.”

“I know,” I said, sitting in the chair and leaning my head back into the basin. “And I want to go for it anyway.”

Ronda smiled at me with big, cherry-red painted lips. “Bold. You really are your mother’s daughter, aren’t you?”

“Hm. Well, I try to be.”

“Well then let’s get started,” Ronda said, turning on the faucet.

The warm water collided with my hair and scalp, and the stress and anxiety were immediately washed away. “Let’s.”

***

A day and a half later, after the sun had begun to set over the city of Angels, I rushed downstairs at the sound of our doorbell ringing. The long hem of my pastel pink, short-sleeved floral dress swayed around my freshly-shorn legs in a manner that made me giddy. A smile crept onto my perfectly painted face. I knew who was behind the door, and I couldn’t wait to see how they reacted to my new look.

I pulled the door open.

Zeke- in a black button-down tucked into his tight-fitting jeans, his hair messy and his stubble grown out into a slight but very sexy beard- and Faith- clad in casual white and blue sundress with a lovely little cleavage window parked up front- waited on the other side, and they both took one look at me and gasped.

It was exactly what I’d been hoping for. “Hi. What do you think?”

“You’re blonde,” Zeke said, eyes wide as saucers.

“Bleach blonde,” Faith said, blinking rapidly.

“Platinum blonde,” Zeke said, grinning appreciatively.

“Marilyn Monroe blonde,” Faith said, naked lust permeating her voice.

“Well, I was going more for Miranda Calloway blonde, but I’ll take it,” I smiled, playing with a loose strand of my platinum waves. “Do y’all like it?”

“I love it,” Zeke said instantly. “You look super hot. Not that you didn’t before, but-”

“This looks more like you,” Faith finished for him.

“Thank you,” I said, putting a hand over my chest, sending another shockwave through my tender breast bud. Ow. I’d have to get used to that.

“I just can’t believe you really went for it- that could have fried your hair!” Faith said.

“What’s life without a little risk?” I said, unable to keep my smile at bay. “Besides, I think it turned out well.”

“It did, it did, I just… God, you’re so cool,” Faith said, grabbing both my hands and pulling me close.

I blushed beat-red and gave her a peck on the lips. “No, you’re so cool.”

Faith gulped and scrunched her face in protest. “No, YOU’RE SO COOL-”

“This is very cute and all, but I can feel the cold air getting out of Kate’s place, so maybe we should head out,” Zeke chuckled.

“Sounds good,” I said. I turned back and shouted, “Mom! Dad! I’m heading out! I’ll be back late!”

“Have a nice time!” Mom called from upstairs.

And with that, and a kiss for both of my beloveds, we were off.

We drove all the way to Hollywood and found ourselves at a small bar with loud music playing. There weren’t too many patrons, so we had the dance floor to ourselves. And dance we did, with the display serving as my latest lesson. 2000s pop-punk music sounded all around us, and I let myself get lost in the sway of my hips and the feeling of Faith’s arms around me, of holding Zeke’s hands while he spun me around and dipped me, of slow dancing with all three of them.

I raised my phone up high when the three of us were all pressed together and said, “Smile!”

And they did, and I took the photo, and the memory was forever secured.

And then, shock of all shocks, I did something incredibly stupid: I posted it on social media. It seemed like a benign idea at the time. It really did.

***

The morning rush came into the shop like a flood the next day, an endless deluge of shoppers looking to get kitted out. I used the opportunity to work on my voice, to practice my gentler mannerisms and more gracious personality. The customers definitely noticed- I closed more sales that day than I had in ages. I got a few ‘sirs’, sure, but almost all of them apologized as soon as they said it, and the others did so after I corrected them.

All was going well, until the consequences of my reckless actions walked into the shop in the form of Olivia Root.

I did a double-take when I recognized her, clad in a dark red sundress that hugged her ample hips and equally ample bust, with hoop earrings dangling from her lobes, makeup immaculate, and natural hair long and bouncy. She was unaccompanied by her teammates, carrying only a canopy shoulder bag over her arm. She wandered around the shop, looking at different dresses, finally pulling a sleeveless turquoise number off of the rack and taking it into the changing room.

She stepped out, clad in the dress, looking even more stunning now than she had before. She walked up to me at the register, my parents both on the floor talking with other customers, leaving me alone with a woman I’d called out and challenged on live television.

Sometimes I look up at the sky and ask ‘Why, God? Why did you make me so fucking stupid?’

At least now I could call myself a dumb blonde in earnest.

“I’d like to buy this dress,” Olivia said, looking at me plainly.

“Good choice,” I said, looking down at the register. “It looks nice on you.”

“And I’d like to have a word with you,” Olivia said.

“Whatever about?”

“Faith.”

“I don’t think she would like that.”

“Then work.”

“Well, I’m currently at work. This is one of my jobs, believe it or not, and I’m on the clock. And I already took my break an hour ago,” I said, furiously punching the keys on the cash register.

“Then after you clock out,” Olivia said.

I shook my head, still not looking up as I ran her card through the swiper. “That’s not for another hour. And you’ve already bought something, so you’ll have to buy more stuff. Otherwise you’re loitering. Which is a misdemeanor, for which you can be fined-”

Olivia sighed, very slightly. “There’s a coffee shop down the road- I’ll hang out there. Meet me inside when you’re off work. And thank you for the dress- it’s honestly quite lovely.”

“My mother made it,” I said, handing her a receipt.

“Well she’s very talented, then,” Olivia said. She took the receipt, and she turned around and left.

I spent the next hour locked into tunnel vision, trying desperately to focus on my work, on the swelling tide of customers that came without end. As the rush died down, however, my impending meeting became an all-consuming presence in my mind. I stood behind the front desk, drumming my fingers on the wooden surface, actively having to think about not biting my pink-polished fingernails.

I pulled my phone loose from my purse on the floor and typed out a furious message to my partners during a free moment: “SOS Olivia came in and she’s demanding to talk to me!”

Faith was the first to reply: “WUT!”

“She’s waiting at a coffee shop down the street for me once my shift ends.”

“You’re not gonna go, are you?”

“IDK.”

“Don’t. Go.”

Zeke chimed in: “maybe she should go.”

Faith: “No, that’s a terrible idea. Olivia will eat her alive.”

I said: “I’m not scared of her, you know.”

“I’m not saying you should be, I just can’t imagine what she even wants to speak with you about,” Faith replied.

I said, “Work. And you.”

Faith: “... I don’t like that.”

Zeke: “I don’t either.”

I typed, “I’m not crazy about it myself. But I think I should at least try to apologize.”

“For what?” Zeke asked.

“Calling her out like I did.”

Zeke: “That was just you playing the heel. And you’ve changed.”

“I don’t think she’s aware of that, y’all.”

“... Dammit. Kate’s right,” Faith said.

“I am?”

“Yes, you are. Olivia and I used to complain about you all the time last year. Like an ouroboros of self-indulgent bitching.”

“I don’t know what to do with that statement,” I typed.

“... I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” I typed. “I’ve changed. And I’d like Olivia to see that.”

“... Text us the address?”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” I typed.

“I’m with Kate on this one,” Zeke replied. “Olivia might not accept Kate’s apology if we’re there. It might seem like we forced her to do it.”

“Good point,” Faith said. “Can we at least come over and wait on stand-by? And that way we can all hang out when you get back?”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” I said.

“Please stop texting at work, Kate,” Dad said as he walked by carrying two massive cardboard boxes under his arms.

I blanched and put the phone back in my purse. “Right. Sorry.”

The remaining fifteen minutes before I clocked out lived and died a slow, painful demise. Finally, it was over, and it was time to have a talk with my girlfriend’s ex.

“Where you heading?” Dad asked as I slung my purse over my shoulder.

“Gonna meet a… Colleague,” I said, my voice going flat and deep. I winced as I heard it. “Is it alright if Zeke and Faith come over in a little bit?”

“Hm? Yeah, that’s fine,” Dad said. “We’re probably just gonna do pizza tonight, honestly. I assume you want your PB&J?”

“Yes please,” I smiled. “Just be sure to get a different one, too. Faith isn’t crazy about the spice.”

“Duly noted- she can share a barbeque chicken pie with your mother,” Dad said. “Also, are you alright?”

“Hm? Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You just seem… A bit jittery today, Katie,” Dad said.

“I… Ask me that again later?” I said, standing in the front doorway.

“Okay,” Dad nodded. “Be safe.”

“I will be. Love you, Dad.”

“Love you too.”

He was right, though. There was something I’d been avoiding, something I hadn’t wanted to address but which I was becoming increasingly concerned would be an issue.

What would happen if I had to face Faith and Zeke in the battle box again?

As I walked down the street, the hot sun and cool seabreeze hitting me all at once, the question gnawed at my stomach lining. I loved being with both of them. And I liked being the person I was now: cute and blonde and happy and sweet and girly. I didn’t miss the guy I’d been: a posturing meathead who never shut up and had no concept of personal space or boundaries or any self-awareness whatsoever. And I didn’t think that having Faith and Zeke as my rivals last year had turned me into that person- I’d been that already, before we’d fought. But…

God, I didn’t want to backslide. I didn’t want to turn back into that guy. And now I was going to confront someone who had been at the epicenter of that guy’s last notable public appearance. Someone who thought I was still that person, who probably thought I was going to backslide at some point and hurt someone who she really cared about.

If I didn’t want to be Keith anymore, I had to prove it. To myself, first and foremost.

Breathing steady but heartbeat elevated, I moved forward. I had to do this. Had to do this. Had to prove it to Olivia. If I could prove it to her, I could finally prove it to myself.

I approached Hal’s Coffee Hut, a ramshackle building with a tile roof and brick walls on the corner of a busy intersection. Glass tables and wooden chairs sat gathered under umbrellas outside the establishment, while tinted windows kept the baking light from getting inside. I opened the door, which gave the ring of a bell as I stepped inside to the aromas of percolating coffee and fresh pastries inside a heavily air conditioned facility.

In a metal chair, at a wooden table, atop the black linoleum floor, nursing a glass of cold brew and a blueberry muffin, Olivia Root sat waiting for me.

She stared at me, blinking only occasionally as I walked up to the counter and ordered myself an iced Americano and a cinnamon roll. I maintained eye contact with her as I waited at the pick-up section for my drink, tearing sections off my pastry. Finally, a glass of cold coffee was thrust into my hand and I sauntered over to the table where she waited for me.

“You changed your hair,” she said.

“I did,” I said, running my hand through a loose section of it. I was still getting used to seeing light blonde locks running down my shoulders and chest when I looked down. But I liked it. I liked the new me. And I’d be damned I could be cowed or provoked into not being that person anymore. Had to do this. Had to prove myself. “I needed a change.”

“Been making a lotta changes lately.”

“I have,” I nodded.

“You and Faith looked awfully cozy in that picture you posted last night.”

“You follow me on Insta?”

“I follow all the competition,” she said. “Same goes for other platforms.”

“That’s certainly…”

“Certainly what?”

“Dedicated.”

“Was that what you were originally going to say?”

“Yes,” I said.

“Uh-huh.”

“Why do you care, exactly?” I said, trying to change the subject. Easy, Kate, don’t provoke her, and don’t get angry. You can do this. Just have a civilized conversation with someone who openly hates you. No problem.

“I care about Faith,” she said. “I don’t want her to get hurt. She told me about what happened, about you pressuring her into confessing to Zeke-”

“Pressure is a very strong word,” I said, monotone anger beginning to infect my voice.

“Sure it is,” she said. “I guess I just wanna know: what kind of game do you think you’re playing here, Calloway?”

“Uh… Competitive robot fighting?”

“Don’t get cute with me.”

“You think I’m cute?” I said, smirking, squinting, raising both eyebrows.

“Don’t do that,” she glared.

“What, be witty and charming?”

“Distract me. Avoid the topic. What kind of game are you playing with Faith and Zeke?”

“Um… There’s no game?” I said, barely understanding what I was being asked. “I’m just in a happy, committed relationship.”

“With which one?”

I flinched. Oh. Right. This wasn’t something we’d exactly gone public with. Because… We’d been afraid that… Something… Like this would… Would…

“You gonna answer the question? Or should I take your silence as an answer?”

“Both. I’m dating both. And they’re both dating me,” I said. “And they’re dating each other.”

Olivia raised an eyebrow. “You have got to be kidding me.”

“No, I’m being entirely sincere right now,” I said before taking a long sip of my coffee.

She stared at me, hands flat on the table. “Is this a fucking joke to you?”

“In what regard?”

“Them. Both of them. You seriously don’t see what this looks like?”

“I guarantee you that I don’t,” I rolled my eyes. Seriously, what was this jackass on about?

“You’re shitting me-”

“I don’t know if you’ve picked up on this, but I’ve historically struggled with a lack of self-awareness. So perhaps you’d be so terribly kind as to explain to my dumb blonde ass what the fuck you’re on about?” I said, frustrating starting to seep into my conscious mind.

“You’re playing with their hearts,” Olivia said. “Toying with them both in order to take down the competition from within.”

I blinked a single, sustained blink for something like fifteen seconds, my jaw dropped so far it might’ve dislocated. “Excuse you?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Calloway. You may have those two fooled, but you I see right through you.”

“You’re insane,” I glared. “You think I’m some kind of supervillain, when in reality I’m just an idiot who somehow lucked into a relationship with two amazing people.”

“God, you really buy your own bullshit, don’t you?” Olivia said.

“Because it’s not bullshit. It’s the truth. I like them both,” I said, bunching my fists together. She thought I was… She thought I was freaking honey-potting the competition! What the hell- who would do such a thing?!

“And the fact that this would make it harder for them to fight you again if it comes to that is just a bit of good luck?” Olivia said.

“No, it’s bad luck, because it’ll be just as hard for me,” I said, the anger beginning to rise, only to slam against the ceiling of my willpower. I wasn’t going to get angry, not at her, not in public. I just couldn’t believe she really thought I’d...

“I won’t let you hurt her more than you already have,” Olivia said.

“Funny, I could say the same thing about you,” I snapped, slamming my hand on the table. “Because you hurt her real badly. You ripped her heart out and tore it into a million fucking pieces. There are times where I still see her struggling to piece it back together. But Zeke and I care about her more than enough to help her with that.”

“Should’ve known you couldn’t get through this conversation without screaming,” Olivia said.

“I’m not screaming!” I said. Then I blinked again, and realized everyone was staring at me. Because I’d screamed. “I’m not… I’m not the monster you think I am, Olivia,” I said, forcing myself into a quieter volume. The anger began to dissolve, boiled away by the cold fire of my shame and dysphoria. I’m not that person anymore. I’m not.

“However badly I hurt her,” Olivia said, “It’s nothing compared to what you did. She used to rant about you for hours, about how annoying you were, how much you’d embarrassed us, how much we were all looking forward to ripping that smug fucking smirk off your face. She dreaded having to deal with you, and so did I, because just looking at you would ruin her day.”

I blinked again. A tear fell out, shattering on the table. Did I really… Did she really?

“And you’re crying, like the fragile little baby you are,” Olivia rolled her eyes and scoffed. “That’s really all it is with you: you’re a child, desperate for attention. So desperate for Faith’s attention that you harassed her into thinking she likes you after you stole Zeke from her. The fact that you think you can get away with this is sickening. The fact that you think you can flaunt this farce of a relationship in front of everyone is equally sickening. You disgust me, Keith Calloway.”

I stared at her, wide-eyed with shock, my deadname knocking the wind out of me.

“I bet you’re not even really trans,” Olivia said. “You just wanted the attention Faith was getting because of her transition. You’re an insult to trans people, just like you’re an insult to our sport. And if I have to kick your ass in the battle box to stop you from dragging Faith down with you, I will. But honestly, given who you’re up against this week, I probably won’t even need to. Gregson will put you in your place like the obnoxious little boy you are. I’ll see you at the arena, Keith. Have a nice day. And thanks again for the dress.”

Her words were like daggers, each sentence a stab wound. She got up and left me there, without even my rage for company. It was gone, out of reach- where was it? And why couldn’t I move or speak or do anything but count the tears that were falling from my eyes. It shouldn’t hurt this much.

It didn’t used to hurt this much.

I buried my face in my hands and wept, sitting there for what felt like hours. The emotional wounds festered and stung, and I hated how much I thought she was right. I was a travesty, an insult, a bad person, a fake trans girl. If she was wrong, I’d have been able to fight back, keep my anger, use it. Do something instead of cry. And cry. And cry. And cry.

“Um… Excuse me, Miss?” a slender black barista with dreadlocks tied back in a ponytail said to me while holding a slip of paper. “Your friend said that you would be paying for her food and drink?”

I looked up at him, sure I was in a state with my red eyes and horror show of makeup.

“You know what? It’s on the house,” he said, offering me a weak thumbs-up.

***

Eventually, I managed to force myself to my feet and hauled my stupid, disgusting, fake body back to the store. I lumbered into the back and stormed past my mother talking to Faith and Zeke in the hallway.

“Katie?” Faith asked, concern I’d done nothing to warrant plain to see on her perfect face. “What happened?”

“What did she do?” Zeke growled.

“Kate,” Mom started.

I stormed past them, silently, and went into my room and slammed the door and locked it.

I flopped onto my bed, my newly-blonde hair falling into my face. I didn’t deserve it. Didn’t deserve any of this. I rolled over and looked into the vanity mirror we’d brought into my room recently, and stared at myself. I was disgusting, a perversion, a degenerate travesty, an insult to trans women everywhere. I ought to just hack my hair off, wipe away the runny makeup, put back on the boy clothes I deserved to wear.

But the thought of that… It was like imagining bathing in sewer water. It made me feel like weeds were growing out of my skin. It made me feel like hiding away in some deep dark corner of unreality and never letting anyone see me again. I couldn’t go back to being Keith. I didn’t want to.

But what if I wasn’t really trans? What if I really was just a freak? What if I just wanted attention? What if I was just trying to take down the competition by playing some kind of cruel game?

“Kate?” Zeke and Faith both called from the other side of my door.

I laid there for a while, the room spinning as I slipped further and further away.

“Please open the door, Kate,” Mom said.

Mom. She and Dad… They believed me. They saw the best in me. And maybe they were biased because they were my parents, but… Maybe there was something to it.

I rolled off my bed and hobbled over to the door and pulled it open a crack. My partners and my parents both were all there, all slumped with concern like they were sharing my pain.

“Hi, guys,” I said weakly.

Mom started, “Katie, what’s going on-”

Faith yanked the door open and wrapped her arms around me. I gasped as she impacted, stunned that she was giving me surprise-hugs all of the sudden.

“I don’t… I don’t deserve this,” I said.

“Yes, you do,” Faith said, squeezing me tight.

“But I’m… I’m not really trans!” I moaned.

All four of them gaped at me. Finally, Faith said, “What the fuck did she say to you?!”

I explained why as Faith wiped the runny makeup off of my visage and applied moisturizer, then kept explaining as she and Zeke led me to the dining room. My parents had set aside a glass of water for me while my mom cooked spaghetti on the stovetop.

“And that’s what happened?” Zeke said, sitting on the couch with my dad. Dad was just angrily fiddling with his abacus, looking ready to pop a vein from sheer rage.

“Yeah,” I said, sitting at the kitchen table while Faith stroked my arm.

“Unbelievable,” Zeke said, fists balled.

“But she’s right, I’m an insult to-”

“No,” Faith said simply. “You’re not. Nobody fakes being trans, Kate. Nobody does that to get attention. That’s not a real thing. And even if they did, nobody would go as far as to start taking estrogen. Olivia only thinks that because she knows literally nothing about the topic.”

“Then why does it hurt so much! Why did her words-”

“You’re on estradiol and spiro, sweetie,” Faith said. “It’s like that.”

“It’s… That’s all?”

“Yeah. You’re gonna cry more. And more. And more and more and more. And you’re gonna find yourself becoming less aggressive. That’s normal. It’s just how the HRT works.”

“Oh,” I said quietly. “But what if-”

“Kate, if you were honey-potting us, you’ve been doing a terrible job at it,” Zeke said blandly. “Someone doing that would try to play Faith and I against each other, make us think we had to compete for you. You literally offered to get out of the way so Faith and I could be together at one point.”

“And I should still-”

“No, you shouldn’t,” Zeke said.

“You really shouldn’t,” Faith said.

“This is correct,” Dad said.

“Mm-hm,” Mom intoned.

“You… You really don’t think I’m… A bad person?”

“No,” they all said.

“You don’t think I’m an attention whore?”

A bit of incoherent murmuring came out of each of them as they all babbled at once, but eventually Faith’s voice rose over the others: “A little, yeah. But like… That’s not always a bad thing. And you’ve been doing a much better job keeping that in check lately.”

“... Did you and Olivia really used to rant about me for hours at a time?” I asked, barely squeaking out the words I feared the answer to.

“... Yes,” Faith said, breaking eye contact. “But I’m not proud of that. Yes, you were obnoxious, but I took it WAY too personally. It wasn’t okay. And Olivia and I fed into each other on that. Honestly, we fed into a lot of each other’s worst habits.”

“Oh yeah, big time,” Zeke said.

“You know, you could have tried to call us on it at the time,” Faith said flatly.

“Would you have listened?” Zeke said.

“... No, probably not,” Faith shrugged. “And Olivia definitely wouldn’t have.”

“Yeaahhhhh, that’s what I figured.”

“Look,” Faith said to me, “You can’t let her get to you.”

“I just don’t know what to do with all this,” I said, raking my hands through my hair. Oh, my hair. My beautiful blonde hair. I couldn’t believe I’d been considering hacking it off. “I’m glad I didn’t lose my temper. I’m glad the anger didn’t take over. But… Is this who I am now? I am gonna break down crying every time an insult hits close to home?”

“No,” Faith said with a reassuring smile. “The hormones are overwhelming you right now, but you will get used to them in time.”

“And it doesn’t have to be forever,” Mom said gently, pouring the cooked pasta into a drainer and stirring the marinara and sausage sauce with a wooden spoon. Guess she decided a home-cooked meal was what I needed. “There’s such a thing as feminine strength. You’re allowed to stand up for yourself. You just need to figure out how to do that in a way that feels right to you. In a way that feels right for the woman you’re becoming.”

I gulped, and I nodded. Zeke came over and sat opposite me, and I leaned into his strength. So tough and rugged. And I held Faith close, feeling her strength as well: her iron will and steadfast perseverance, her ability to keep going and always find a way.

“You’ll never be perfect,” Faith said. “But you are getting better. And it’s been amazing, watching you blossom.”

“Thank you,” I sniffed.

“You’re strong, Katie,” Zeke said. “And you’re brave. You just need to accept that. That’s the first step to being able to stick up for yourself. You’re worth it. And we care about you.”

“We all do,” Dad smiled.

“Amen,” Mom said as she served me a plate of pasta.

I felt myself starting to cry again, happy tears this time. I wanted to fight against it, hold it back like I used to. But…

But that wasn’t real strength. Hiding from how I felt, that wasn’t me. That wasn’t the kind of strength I wanted. I was someone who could be honest about how she felt. And who was strong enough to show it to people. And that was okay.

So I cried my happy tears while I ate my home cooked meal with the people who saw me for who I really was and who I was becoming. Who saw all that I’d been and all that I could be, and who wanted to be there with me as I moved forward.

And move forward I would.

***

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aisawvhel · 6 months

Text

03/21/24

hi !! today i went to my school to get my documents then after that i rested for a little-long-bit before starting the first day of my immersion. i waited 3 hrs i guess ? before i got inside the office bcs boss wasn’t there yet and thennnn, right after i got inside, he talked to me ab how will i do my immersion so i explained it to him (i pressurely explained myself, really) then i started at idk-what-time. it wasn’t really that hard, but the paperworks are 😐😐😐😐 left brain almost cried and my right brain was breaking down. i also got to meet mara and shawn (or shaun, idk) they’re my father’s bar waitresses and they are so beautiful !! i like dem both :3 also, the vocalist, she’s nice, i like her.

so i guess that’s it? i mean, i was tired yes but it was okay. at least i already started my immersion and i have an idea of what i am suppose to do for the next 9 days.

ps. i called my mom everytime i get homesick (our house are literally just in front of the office... so what ! i have separation anxiety)

first day of immersion, done !! 🪻🫀

— you matter ! love, isobel.

0 notes

the-girlwitheguitar · 6 months

Text

Short Lena Kara fic.

Coming Out?

Kara tries to come out to Lena with the DEOs final approval after much arguing. She had argued with them all separately; Alex only slightly caved if everyone else approved and she had argued against all of them together multiple times.

All their arguments against her telling Lena building up more and more each time and it was only once she'd burst into tears one day that they all caved. They all wanted to help her now, feeling the guilt seeing Kara’s anguish of keeping this secret and they'd ask to be there.

It wasn't how Kara had planned it, not that she had a great plan, but every time she'd imagined telling Lena it hadn't been with a room full of both of their friends.

But Kara needed to tell her. The sooner the better. So everyone had gone to Kara's in the end and Winn had arrived, a bag of party supplies in hand but hid them at Kara's insistence that it wouldn't be appropriate... And Kara is panicking. It's five minutes till Lena arrives (and she always arrives on time) when Kara pushes her glasses back up her face and promptly breaks them against her face. Everyone is standing round not knowing what to do when Winn on some sort of instinct of hiding her identity hands her his glasses and Kara cries holding them. "Sorry Kara" Winn says taking them back. Rubbing her shoulders. It's clear to everyone now looking at Kara holding her broken glasses looking to them as they stand there not knowing what to say what position they put her in with Lena. When Kara straightens out drying her eyes. "She's here".

Lena thinks she's walked into some sort of intervention. Kara stood in front of all their friends in a silent awkward room, till kara starts babbling about herself and the guys, kara throwing a pointed thumb behind her, talking about them admitting they should have let kara do this sooner.

Kara is rambling a mile a minute and Lena takes in everyone's pained faces, takes in the broken glasses and Kara's teary eyes wondering what on earth is happening because Kara isn't making much sense about keeping secrets and "all these times i wanted to tell you" Then Lena spots the bag of colourfull decorations and it seems to make sense.

She puts a hand on Kara's gathering her other hand and holding them. "Kara, it's okay." she says. Earnestly looking into her eyes. Then she looks to the others and her face changes "but you,all of you? I don't understand how you can discourage someone from being their true self for so long." Silence, the whole room looking guilty averting their gazes and Lena carries on. "Alex you should know how that feels? And what you thought just because I'm her boss I would discriminate against her? And here i thought you would have done your D.E.O. research." They look at her now quizzically "Didn't you see I came out publicly 7 years ago? I was literally the face of her and hers weekly for a whole month till my mother tried to bury it." More silence followed and Lena took it as an opportunity to keep talking or shut them up maybe if someone were to say anything. . "So shame on all of you for being a part of kara hiding herself as if being gay isn't hard enough. Come on Kara."

Lena turned hand still holding Kara's and grabbed her jacket, Kara grabbing hers. Throwing a small shrug to the room behind her as she turned to shut the door.

"That wasn't what that was about, was it." Lena said in the tense silence of the elevator. "No" Kara almost whispered.

"God I thought you all trusted me" Lena broke, half folded and hands to her face stopping the flooding of tears like a damn just broke and Kara wished she could take her hand back. "What do you mean?"

"I thought we all knew that I knew! They invited me into the DEO as some form of trust and we were all just pretending we “”didn't know””!" Lena's voice was harsh and hurt. And she looked to Kara for some input.

Kara took her in, her makeup still almost perfect if not for a small amount of eyeliner creating a perfect smudged wing and Kara went to wipe it away.

"So that stuff about you being gay?" Lena shot her a look that Kara would think was lethal if she wasnt Supergirl and cursed her mouth and brain for focusing on the wrong thing right now.

The elevator doors opened and Lena grabbed the hand that was frozen near Lena's face and dragged Kara out the elevator and started walking. Her heels clacking the pavement at an alarming rate and Kara felt like she was being taken to the principal's office.

"Where are we going?" Kara asked after what felt like an eternity of deafening silence in the busy city. Everyone too busy to notice except for the glimpse of one stranger passing them on the phone observing them as if in slow motion before they were turning city corners into a street Kara didn't recognise. They walked in more silence passing large windows with colorful drawings and a bell jingled as Kara found herself being towed inside.

Lena fixed her blazer letting go of Kara’s hand and Kara found themselves stood in the entrance of a bookshop. The person behind the till smiling as their eyes met them. "Hey Lena!” they said in an almost sing songy way. And Lena closed the open door to walk behind the till hugging the worker behind. They exchanged a few silent words Kara thought she shouldn't listen in on and she stood taking in the long bookshop. Plants, books, colours and hanging flags and a glow of a feeling that Kara didn't think existed in this city.

Lena came round walking by Kara and the person behind the till said "the coffee's just brewed" joyfully to Lena and smiling at Kara with an excitement that kara may have found worrying or suspicious if she wasn't overwhelmed with confusion. "Come with me" Lena said as she walked away and Kara realized she was still standing still taking everything in. She almost tripped on nothing springing into action after Lena.

They passed shelves and desks and kids drawing on a large table covered in paper, and Lena rounded a corner into a backroom with tea and coffee and comfortable chairs and a large decorative sign saying 'Reading Room'.

"Pick us a seat?" Lena said, pouring them both a drink at the back table, and Kara sat by a table with a chess board and magazines. Lena set them down a drink and made a move to the folders on the far end of the coffee station.

"I trusted you" Kara said picking up her mug, and Lena's movements paused her flicking through folders. "I know" she said looking at Kara before carrying on her search.

"There's a guy here, he likes to preserve any lgbt media" Lena said, unclipping a binder and pulling out a few magazines. There aren't many of these left after my mother went on a rampage burning every copy and threatening suppliers that she would do the same to their shops if they continued to release them.

She handed Kara three magazines of 'her and hers weekly' before flicking back through folders.

"Oh my God, you and Veronica?!" Kara gasped. Lena laughed "I didn't fight my mother over this after I found out what Veronica was doing" Lena sighed "we weren't together then it was just something we both did as friends when the magazine reached out to us both." Lena looked sad at the picture of her and Veronica posed in a date setting. "We both paid 'her and hers' a good amount of sorry money when her mom teamed with my mum on the same rampage removing everything offline." Lena put the magazine back flicking to a page in another magazine of her and a few others in a classic pride balloon display, and another page featuring Lena and a crew of people including the book-keeper Kara had just met painting the up and coming ‘national city bookshop’. Lena talked to her about this place how her mother hadn't known about this later release or manage to destroy it before Lena was able to preserve it hide it in the later pages and remove any mentions of her name being tied to the shop. Her last place of sanctity.

Then Lena pulled out a newer magazine "last years pride. When Supergirl flew a giant pride flag around the world" Lena said handing it to Kara, and then she pulled out her phone and pulled up a picture "and here's You, Alex, Maggie, and I that same night" Kara looked at the photo all of them in a bar, the giant pride flag pulled around them all Maggie on one end and Lena holding the other end Kara and Alex between them smiling ecstatically like it could have been another magazine photo cover. "I wasn't just celebrating Alex and Maggie that night, I was celebrating me" she paused "and the possibility of you"... "Kara, you gave me that flag not even an hour after landing."

Lena leaned over Kara in the chair they were sat in and pulled at the corner of the flag adorning the bookshops back wall behind them, revealing the sharpie hidden corner tucked behind a book stack inscribed 'Lena ♡ Kara'. "I've always known you trusted me, Supergirl."

If Kara hadn't already been a blubbering mess she was now, "I wanted to tell you then" Kara cried and Lena pulled her into a hug "and i wanted to tell you before.”

They spent the rest of the day Kara telling her of times she'd ached to tell her, and laughing about accidental moments she almost did. Lena reciting "I flew here on a bus".

It would be almost two weeks later they would kiss in that same bookshop after a few more spilled secrets. And only one week after that they would tell their friends with a promise of no more secrets and many more apologies between them all.

0 notes

indeedaesies · 1 year

Text

4/4/23

Cultures in any working industries is stupid & ridiculous.

Everyone rushes & competes who can carry the boss’s balls the highest. Boss takes advantage of his position and literally behaves like the biggest asshole on this planet.

I just got FUCKED by the worst boss I’ve ever worked for and his work bitch, aka The Manager. They’re quite well known in the company as Clown 1 & Clown 2. All for an MC that I had received from a certified doctor as I was diagnosed with Influenza B, a contagious disease and somehow almost everyone in my timeline is getting it in Singapore now. New covid? I was still not well yet I wore my mask and dragged myself to work as I did not want my colleague to be on shift alone, KNOWING how that felt like. Only to be fucked as early as 0830 on a Sunday morning.

Could not wait till work ended? Oh that’s right - coming from “the boss” who works everyday where he comes in at 0800 and fuck any nurse who arrives later than him, has time for exercises in between consults, goes for a two hour break unbothered, goes of as early as 3 or sometimes earlier, complains and bitches when he has to do a procedure for the patients, find faults with nurses, beats the patients up, does surgery without sterilised gloves contaminating everything, sides with his entitled clients who lies to his nurses but comes up with bullshit stories for him and when nurses try to clarify and explain themselves, he takes it as talking back and will make your life hell.

Oh, & lets not forget the work bitch - comes in the latest among all the nurses, dont even bother helping anyone with any treatments in the morning, sits at the front every single shift and claim “as the manager I need eyes everywhere so being at the reception is where I need to be to know everything”, has no idea everyone at work hates her, make so much promises but delivers nothing, turn the nurses and doctors against one another, telling me “as the new manager you should not join in the bitching” but bitches the most, act like someone you can trust behind the boss’s back but immediately give a whole new charade in front of him, acts nothing like a leader, purely lazy, throws the phone to other nurses who are having their breaks when clearly she is supposed to be the one mending the phone as per a receptionist does, will literally talk shit non stop, extremely bias, bitched about a nurse and claiming she wants to terminate her just because this nurse’s mom is a kidney dialysis patient and needs to be sent for treatments, hits patients too, really not around as she is busy chain smoking her lungs out, also leaving work as soon as the boss goes home.

I swear to god, this company’s a J O K E. These two clowns tell clients their pets are safe with us. THEY ARENT, especially not with these two mother fuckers who really, I do not understand why the fuck are they in this industry. Patients are being left ALONE overnight but these two clowns will tell clients “there will always be a nurse to take care of your pet overnight”. NO, there IS NOT! Coming to 5 months, I have seen 4 patients DIE overnight as there was NO NURSE OR VET to take care of them. My heart breaks every single fucking day. I vowed never to work for a company that does this shit and fuck me I was just desperate and an idiot to think I could change this place for the better. These two mother fuckers are inhumane. I saw once the boss CHOKE a motherfucking corgi with the leash because he was fierce. I had it handled, I was already restraining the corgi and this piece of shit grabbed his leash and held him in the air. I had to yell to tell him to stop. That corgi was so afraid. I have seen this monster castrate a cat when the cat was not even down yet all because he was in a “hurry”. I cried and I prayed for the cat because I was useless, I was a nobody and that was all I could do, help the cat recover from such a traumatic experience.

I try my best every single day, to do what I do best and that is to save animal lives. Help them. Be their voice. Make them comfortable. Everything that happens in this clinic goes against everything I believed in.

On that unfateful morning, while getting yelled at by the two clowns, all that went through my head was what would happen if I were to snap? My boss told me “i paid you your full salary to do your job” and tell me clearly what the fuck have i been doing all these months then? Come in to work and open my fucking legs and sit on my ass all day? He told me “I cannot work with you anymore, you took more medical leave than I did through my career. Go find a company that will tolerate this and do not tell me I am unfair” That’s rich coming from someone who is so full of it? Like I wouldnt come to work every single day if I get to not work, pass my surgeries and procedures to my nurses and other vets, go for undisturbed breaks and leave before 4 everyday? And Ive been slogging for them and this was my very first long medical leave BECAUSE OF A VIRUS MIND YOU.

Then coming from the work bitch “You can kiss your manager post goodbye, there is no way I can handover this position to you, this is unacceptable” - well funny how this is coming from someone who is not even FIT to lead a team. Also, I have already mentally checked out the managerial post as I have bigger plans coming my way and that is to get the fuck out of this company ASAP.

All for a medical leave. They know it is illegal to terminate me as MOM will not allow it, so here they are making it unbearable for me.

Dont get me wrong, the other doctors and nurses are amazing. I am really close to them as I bothered to get to know them. I took the time to hear them. I try my best to be there for them or help them. I understood what they go through. No matter what happens outside work, I still come to work every time with a smile on my face and make it worthwhile for everyone. But these two pieces of shit - in it for other reasons. And I do not know, for the first time in my life, what to do next.

All I know is, they can try their very best to get me to quit on my own accord but too bad, I am a survivor. I have been through shits after shits to be who I am today. They want me gone, they’ll have to give me a payout. Funny how this bitch is telling me all these bullshits to put on a good show for him when she’s the one that confirmed me as a permanent staff on my second month and even increased my salary. All because of a medical leave that I was entitled too. Amazing right?

0 notes

editorandchief · 2 years

Note

Homelander saving a blind!fem!reader (she's not totally blind, she just see a very very very color blurred and she can't see peoples face at all) from being assaulted? And he just fell in love w her and well... Homelander is Homelander (or in other words, start an obssesion w her and stalks her)???

Sorry for my awful english, im trying haha :(((

Warning: none

Requested: yeppers, I love requests 🥰😍😘

Landing at the scene of the crime in progress Homelander lets go of Maeve once both her feet were secure on the ground Black Noir appeared next to him almost out of nowhere as A-Train came to a halt with him Starlight and the deep.

Vought thought it would be great promo for the newest 'Seven' movie if the team was seen working...well as a team.

"What's the situation?" Maeve asked walking up to the group of officers.

"Apparently one of the patients of this shrink is holding her hostage in there." One of the cops answered. "Her assistant called the cops after she heard yelling and a gun shot."

The assistant in question came rushing towards the supes, tears streaming down her face. "Oh my god you have to help her," She cried. "He has her in there and these pigs are just standing around."

"Hey!" One of the cops yelled. Maeve put her arm around the women and pulled her closer to the team while glaring that the police officer.

"Okay I'm gonna need you to tell us everything you know." Maeve smiled.

"My boss Dr. Y/N L/N one of her patents Greg...J-Juniper, I don't know exactly what's wrong with him but I've heard him a couple of time bitching about his wife leaving him or something." She explained a glare having taken over her tear stained face. "That son of bitch if he hurts her-."

"I'm sure Dr. L/N will be fine," Starlight steps in. "Is there anything else we should know?"

"She's blind," The assistant informed. "Well not all the way blind but she can't see thing well just 'moving blob of color' or at least that what she calls it."

"Alright ma'am thank you so much for all your help you have been so brave." Homelander steps in showing off his pearly whites.

He was beyond done with this whole situation, a hostage, a literal hostage not even hostages. This was the big mission that needed all "The Seven'? There couldn't have been an orphanage on fire or some shit."

He was going to be having a long talk with someone when he got back to Vought.

"Okay A-Train," Homelander called prompting the speedster to approach him, hands on his hips a charming smile on his face as onlookers snapped pics. "I'm gonna need you to use your speed and disarm the suspect."

"You got it boss." He replied with a small nod.

Lowering his voice Homelander placed a hand on his shoulder speaking through his fake smile. "And if you could do that without popping anyone like a fucking balloon that would be great." He finished with a small pat on his shoulder. "Noir and I will have your six." He said, once again raising his voice to reach the ears of the public.

The three supes entered the front lobby of the therapist office seeing movement behind the opaque double doors that lead into the office.

Alright lets get this over with," Homelander states once the doors connecting them to the outside world had finally slammed shut. "Noir bag 'em and tag 'em."

As instructed A-Train sped through the door of the office, running over and snatching the gun from the patients hand. not long after Noir was yanking the man down to the ground before tying his hand behind his back.

Still having a grip on Y/N when all this happened cause he to also be yanked to the ground.

Walking slowly over to the women Homelander looks down at her as she looks around the room while slowly attempting to stand on her feet.

"It's alright now ma'am," Homelander said causing her head to snap toward him. "We're gonna get you out of here." Placing his hand around her waist he moves to grab her legs only for her to step away upon feeling his hands touch the back of her knee.

"That won't be necessary ." She said with a small frown. "I may not be able to see that well I can walk."

"Of course you can." Homelander replied sending her a small smile only after realizing she probably couldn't see it.

Keeping his hand around her waist he guided her out the front door of the building Noir and A-Train following close behind Noir with the patent and A-Train holding the gun like some sort of trophy.

As soon as they stepped out the crowd burst into cheers, claps and snapping pictures.

"Y/N!" The assistant called out rushing forward. "Y/N, oh god are you okay? Are you hurt? Did that bitch hurt you?" She asked practically pulling her from out of Homelander's reach.

"I'm fine Jen," Y/N replied with a laugh as her assistant began twisting and turning her to check for injures. "Just a bit shaken up, I had no idea Greg was so far gone. There has to have been a stresser."

"No no don't make excuses for him." She scolded rolling her eyes locking eyes with the leader of the supe team. "Oh godness and you guys thank you so much, I don't know what I would have done if anything happened to her."

Homelander smiled at the show of gratitude from the women, especially while the camera's were rolling, he couldn't have wrote it better himself. "There's no need to thank us ma'am, just doing our job."

"No, Jen is right," Y/N replied turning towards his voice. "I'm so thankful for what you've done for me."

After that the crowd began throwing 'questions' and snapping pictures, although Y/N couldn't see the best she most defiantly saw the flashing lights.

'Y/N Was there anything else going on between you and the assailant?'

'How does it feel to have been saved by 'The Seven'.'

'Do you fear that the suspect will come after you again if released?'

"Wow this is alot." Y/N said to the Homelander still in his place next to her. "It has to get a bit overwhelming at some point."

"Well you know, I can't complain." He brushed it off.

"Of course you can." She replied. "It doesn't matter what people think of you, you have the right to feel how you feel."

Looking down at the young women Homelander didn't know what to say. No one had ever told him that he should/could feel his feelings, because most of the time whenever he felt his feeling people died, mostly he was told he needed to suck it up and put on a bright face for the camera, for the people, for the ratings.

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone." She assured. "It'll be our little secret."

"Ma'am." A voice called as a hand is laid on her shoulder taking her attention away from him, he didn't like that. "We'd just like to make sure everything is okay." Looking over to the person Homelander finds a paramedic.

"Oh I'm really fine." Y/N starts to protest only to be cut off.

"Nope, you're letting them take a look at you." 'Jen' the assistant insisted.

"Fine fine." She said holding her hands up in mock surrender. "Thank you again." She said before she was led away throw the crowd towards the ambulance.

*-*-*

On her way to work the next week Y/N was more exited than she ever had been, after spending the rest of the week listening to music and podcasts, returning to work seemed like a dream come true though that thought would probably change as soon as she got there.

Stopping abruptly Y/N took a few steps back as her body connected with another.

"I'm so sorry." She apologized to the blue blob that was standing in front of her.

"It's quite alright." The figure replied. "It's good to see you again Dr. L/N."

"Homelander?" Y/N asked tilting her head a bit.

"Guilty," The blonde supe replied. "I was just flying by and I happened to see you and thought I should check in to see how things were going." He lied.

The truth was Homelander had been watching her every spear moment he got, telling himself it was only to make sure she was safe, he watched her listen to her music and podcasts half the time wondering what her fascination with SCP files were the other half worried that she was going to bump into something, trip and crack her head open. He had to be there to make sure she was safe.

She could barely fucking see of course she couldn't take care of herself, despite watching her do just that Homelander had convinced himself that it was his job to take care of her that she wanted him to take care of her, she was just too prideful to ask seeing that it was her job to help people not ask for help.

"That's very kind of you," Y/N complemented. "I was actually just on my way to work."

"You're going back to work already?" Homelander asked with a frown. "Don't you think it's a bit too soon?"

"Not soon enough I was getting a bit stir-crazy stuck at home all day." She laughed. "Speaking of which I have an early appointment and I really have to get going." She said giving a small nod before heading off towards the office.

An appointment with another person who could be just as crazy as Greg, someone that could walk right in past that fucking airhead Jen and do god know what to her.

Watching her walk down the street Homelander could feel himself becoming more and more frustrated as he couldn't think of a way to keep her from going to the office, at least not today.

*-*-*

"Knock knock." Y/N heard as she sat her desk eating her lunch when she hear the door open.

"Homelander." She replied as he walked towards her desk.

"You've memorized my voice." He notes a smile stretching across his face.

"Yep, one of my mini talents." She joked. "what can I do for you?" She asked wondering what had prompted her second encounter with the supe.

"Is that all you're having for lunch?" He asked looking at the single skinless orange in her hand.

"Yeah I was too lazy to think of things to eat and Jen gave me this orange so..."

"Hmmm." Squinting his eyes not really liking her answer. "What a lovely office space you have here. If you don't mind me asking, Do you own it?"

"Oh no, this used to be an accounts office and after he retired he put the space up for rent." She answered placing a slice of orange in her mouth. "I've been renting it for about two years."

"An accountant?" Homelander pressed in hopes of getting the answer he was looking for.

"Yes, Mr. Kline." She smiles at the thought of the sweet old man. "Says once he has enough money he'd sell me the building and buy a nice little farm house for him and his wife, not really a fan of the big city anymore." She explained. A soft chime rang though the room before Y/N quickly reached for her phone and tapped the screen.

"Break times over." She sighed.

*-*-*

It took three weeks! Three fucking weeks to get that old bastard to sell the office space that he rented to Y/N to Vought for a more than generous amount.

Soon Jen would so up to the office only to find the locks have been changed, she'll try to call Mr. Kline to find out what's going on but his phone will have been disconnected. Y/N will show up and Jen will frantically read her the letter that was slid in between the crack of the door, informing them that it would be in their best interest to come to Vought Tower.

"Homelander Sir." The Vought employee entered the meeting room. "I was told to inform you when anyone came asking about the office space...someone came...about the office space." he stated nervously.

"Send them up."

Homelander watched as the two women entered the room cautiously arms looped together as if someone would try to pry them apart.

"Y/N." Homelander greeted cheerfully with a bright smile. "I'm go glad you could make it."

"I'm sorry I don't think I can say the same." She replied frowning in his direction. "You bought my office space and changed the locks? Why would you do that? Did I do something...something to make you upset with me?" She asked shaking her head slightly in disappointment.

"No no of course not," He denied. "Please have a seat and I will explain everything." Jen led Y/N over to the pair of seat closest to Homelander.

"I know I should have talked about this with you before but I just couldn't get it out of my head." Homelander started. "I didn't grow up in the city, in fact I grew up in a small farm house, and once you told me about Mr. Kline I just knew I had to help-."

"Wait, you bought Mr. Kline his farmhouse?" Jen interrupted causing Homelander to clench his jaw in anger.

"Yes....Jennifer, as I was saying." He answered. "And Mr. Kline signed over the deed to the office space as long as I promised that you would be treated right."

"So I still have an office." Y/N sighed finally able now to relax a bit.

"Absolutely, though there are going to be a few changed in your rental agreement." Homelander stated pushing over a manila folder which was taken by Jen as she began reading along with him. "I noticed that your hours are Monday-Friday 7am to 7pm, a bit long don't you think?" Homelander asked rhetorically.

"No actually I th-."

"Monday-Wednesday 8am to 5pm will be the updates office hours." He continued ignoring Y/N attempt to respond. "All past, present and future clients will go though a mandatory background check before their next session. At least two Vought security agents will be monitoring the building during the newly stated business hours. A balanced lunch shall be provided and must be eaten within the mandated lunch hour."

"I don't need an hour for lu-."

"Farther more any patent seen as hostile, agitated or aggressive will be treats as a threat by the above listed Vought security agents. Failure to comply with said rule and regulations may result consequence varying from reduction of business hours to eviction."

"Eviction!" Y/N raised her voice for the first time, in Homelander's experience. "Excuse me for saying but this is ridiculous! You cut my business hours by more than half, my clients expect a certain amount of privacy when coming in for there session, they also expect not to be treated like criminals if they get agitated because if you haven't noticed I practice therapy and I have absolutely no clue what our eating habit have anything to do with renting us this building."

"There are other building in New York you know?" Jen spoke up. "I'm sure we can find another office."

"Not for nearly as low as you are paying now." Homelander rebuttals, turning his attention back to Y/N placing a hand on her shoulder. "Look I'm not trying to be the bad buy, this building is now an affiliate of Vought and therefore has to be held to a certain standard, in the future I'm sure some alterations can be made to some of the minor stipulations."

"Minor." Y/N scoffs.

"Look everyone is a bit on edge right now, how about we give it a few hours and you can decide what you are comfortable with and we can talk about we can be changed." Homelander offered. "What do you say...tonight, I'll pick you up at around 8:00 and we can discuss over dinner?"

Taking a few moments to think Y/N nodded her head before answering. "Fine."

"Great." Homelander smiles. "I don't know about you but think this is the start to a beautiful relationship."

#the boys imagine #the boys #homelander x reader #homelander imagine #the boys x reader #masterlist

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