#I live for this kind of nonsense lol

[nehswritesstuffs]

fly little seagull, that rock can be home - Part 2

With the rate at which I’m finishing these chapters, I highly doubt I’m going to get the next one done before *checks notes* mid-April at the earliest, so I’m sorry in advance. Good news I guess is that I recently also passed 41k overall and I am regretting my decisions lol

Chapter 1 [FFN/AO3]

With a backwater island located, a father and daughter adjust to their new life. [10,387 words; AU where Law tries to lead the quiet life Cora-san always wanted for him]

Business was slow.

It was not that there was a lack of need for a medical professional in Hinba or on Diura as a whole. As a matter of fact, it was clear that there was an intense need for one. It was simply that—aside from the handful of new patients he did see who were mostly around his age—the residents weren’t entirely trusting of the man who simply wandered in from parts unknown and it was becoming a problem.

“They’ll come around,” Svana said as she measured Law’s fingers. She was bored and decided that he needed gloves, so therefore was going to knit some that fit his curiously long hands. He had tried to turn her down, but before he could even get a word out Nauja had been gifted mittens of her own for when the snows began to fly, the girl now wearing them happily around the house as the adults stuck to the front sitting room.

“I’m more used like a novel pharmacy than anything,” he groused. “How do you get them to listen to you?”

“I delivered over half the island’s population and haven’t lost a mother yet,” she shrugged. “They’re a prickly bunch—we tend to be so here in the South.”

“I knew this place felt like home,” he scoffed. She finished writing measurements and took some yarn and needles from her basket. “I’ve worked with guys from the South Blue before—I was well aware of what I was getting into.”

“Of course,” she agreed idly. Law wasn’t entirely certain he enjoyed the fact the island’s elderly midwife had attached herself to the clinic so readily. Boredom, perhaps? Wanting to make certain that the prior doctor’s spirit was not being trampled? If he didn’t know better, he would have guessed that there had been something between Svana and the old doctor, though that would have put such an age gap between them that he didn’t want to think of the logistics…

Just then, one of the small children who tended to run around nearby came barreling in through the front door, making Law jump in surprise; how in the hell were kids fucking with his Observational Haki? The child, however, looked out of breath, as though he had run the entire way from the school to there.

“Now what is this about?” Svana asked, barely even reacting to the boy’s sudden presence.

“There’s ships in the harbor!” the boy squeaked. “Traders!”

“Which ones?” she asked. The boy pondered for a moment as he took off his backpack.

“Books and stuff, but also house things!” He took a small box from his bag and shoved it in Law’s hands. “Miss Lanna at the shop told me to give this to you!”

“I never ordered anything… what is it…?”

“Mark-over,” the boy scoffed, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Some people use it when the traders are in town because of the sailors’ marks they got! She said you probably don’t have some for your hands. I guess it’s the stuff you have to mix…? But she said you could get some that matches your hands better if you talk to her.”

“Then I shall have to thank Miss Lanna next time I see her,” he nodded. The boy grinned, clearly proud of himself. “Now run along; I should put some of this on if I’m going to see what the traders brought.”

“Yes, sir!” The boy then zoomed out of the house as quickly as he entered it, leaving the two adults to exchange tired looks.

“Do you need me to show you?” Svana asked, gesturing to the makeup box.

“I’m a man of many talents,” he deadpanned. He stood and brought the box with him to the large infirmary, where he was able to mix the tint into the makeup with the help of the room’s strong lights until it was so close to his skin tone that he almost couldn’t tell the difference. Law thought of Cora-san as he began to brush the stuff over his hands and forearms, remembering the man’s routine that he had though of as silly at the time.

“Remember Law, you don’t need to pile it on too thick. Just enough to conceal will do.”

Fuck… it had seemed like so long ago… was it really that long? Cora-san had taught him a lot when they were running together, hadn’t he? Sometimes there was nothing to do but watch him. He would shave, put on makeup, fix his hair… usually right before they tried another hospital that he eventually would burn down. He didn’t think the medical networks they visited had fully recovered until just a year or so before he took the Polar Tang into the Grand Line…

A few spritzes of sealant and the job was complete. Law stared at his hands and arms, marveling at how different they looked without the ink being visible. He stared in the mirror as he fastened his shirt up to the second-to-topmost button, fingers trembling as he did so. Each done button made the man staring back at him more a ghost than anything, his father finally before him when he was done. Neither of his parents had tattoos that he had known of, and it reminded him partly of why he had gotten them to begin with—to stave off his brain going back to those days.

It was inevitable now; he planned on growing older than his father ever had the chance to be, and the man was certain to stare back at him from time to time for his troubles. How old would his parents be if they lived this long…? How much older than Cora-san had they been…? What would they think of him off in the middle of nowhere, playing pretend—

“Vaor! Vaor! Vaor!” His morbid thoughts took a back seat as he heard Nauja come looking for him, with her nearly throwing the door open with how excited she was. “Svana-ya said traders are here!” She stopped and stared at his hands and forearms, her head tilting to the side. “Where’d your tattoos go?”

“I covered them—can’t trust traders. Their reach is too long.”

“Since when do you know makeup?”

“You’ve seen photos of Cora-jiisan; the man made sure I can apply eyeliner in the dark.”

“Can you teach me how to do that?”

“Maybe when you’re a little older and we know your hand’s steady,” he offered. “Now come on; let’s go see what got brought into port.”

Nauja made her way to the front door while Law got his wallet from his office and left the clinic, Svana having already gone back to her own house. The pair went down to the docks and watched some of the merchants unload their ship with some of the other villagers. Law glanced over at one of the men standing there—a teacher from the school, if he recalled correctly, who looked to be about his age.

“How do we see what they got?” he asked.

“We have a couple empty spots where they set up shop—in the middle of summer, there’s often stalls,” the other man replied. He gestured down the main road, where someone was opening the shutters of what was likely a storefront. “You’re the new doctor, I take it?”

“Yeah. Tr—er…” He pretended to cough. “Sorry. Doctor Corasson Law. My daughter Nauja is the one that only shows up three times a week for morning sessions and twice for afternoons.”

“You’re good to make her go at all—her social skills have been improving the most from what I can tell. That you’d have to ask her main teacher; I just take her if there’s a coverage issue. I’m Seasbur Daisuke; Nauja’ll be in my class full-time in a couple years.”

“Thank you for looking after her.” He bowed his head slightly, Daisuke mirroring his movement. “She can be a little much.”

“Ah, she’s just a kid.”

“Yeah, but she’s my kid, so I know how much of a handful she can be.” He watched as the sailors continued to load boxes onto the cart. “What do they have, anyhow?”

“Stuff we can’t make here, mostly,” Daisuke explained. “Primarily manufactured goods, but there are some specialty imports and some different foods.” He paused for a moment, clearly mulling something over, before continuing. “Say, since I got you here and there’s still a while before they’re ready for business, my coworkers and I were wondering if we could talk to you about something.”

“Did Nauja—?”

“No, she’s fine. It has nothing to do with her, but figure might as well talk now while the kids are all distracted.” He motioned towards where the schoolhouse sat. Children were trickling out the front door, most of them bouncing and excited for what the traders possibly had for them as they headed towards the wharf.

Well, there was no time like the present, he guessed.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Law knuckled his left ear and stared at the small group in front of him. “You want me to teach what…?”

“Health class,” Jacks—the headmaster—repeated awkwardly. Both secretaries and all three teachers were there as well, each of them with a hopeful expression.

“You do realize that I don’t even know if the people on this island trust me yet to be their primary care physician, let alone teach their children anything related to the Human body.”

“Oh wait, that’s right, you also lived on the Grand Line—do you know anything about Fishfolk and Minks? To be thorough?”

Law pinched the bridge of his nose and pursed his lips for a moment, gathering himself. “I know my daughter just started and is on the young end, but what all do you teach here?”

“A bit of everything,” Rikki—one of the teachers—offered. “Reading, writing, math, geography, what we can of social studies, science, and history…”

“…and we add in things that would be useful for living on this island specifically,” another teacher—Dia—added. “This means often going outside the classroom for introductions to agriculture, animal husbandry, sailing, fishing, how to barter with merchants, placement with potential apprenticeships or further education off the island…”

“Wait: you can teach them about how sheep fuck but not about Humans?”

“It’d be nice if we didn’t have to teach them about Humans fucking,” Daisuke admitted. “I mean, you can also go over with them stuff about good hygiene and what to do when you’re sick and all that, but you’re an actual doctor… I think things might hit different coming from you.”

Whatever headache was going to result from this conversation was going to be troublesome.

“So… you want me to write a Health curriculum for ages six to sixteen purely because I am a doctor? Despite the fact I’m still a stranger? Don’t you ever have Svana-ya come in and talk to them or something…?”

“She does, but… my wife said that you trained for a while in Drum Kingdom before its downfall and then Water 7 after that—you’re much more qualified to talk about nitty-gritty medical matters.” Law stared at Jacks, unsure what in that to broach first. “My wife, Dervla, she’s the village leader. You know… the one that told you to set up shop in the old clinic.”

“Between talking to her and Svana, we’ve gotten an idea of the kind of person you are,” Daisuke added. Law exhaled heavily and was thankful that it was at least this and not, say, the entire village ganging up on him at once; he was right to suspect Svana as a possible font of information about him, though Dervla was a surprise. “We’re willing to give you a go, if you’re interested.”

“Might stave off some awkward conversations later,” Dia shrugged. “I’ve got the teenagers and the amount of things I’ve heard of getting stuck in places…”

“Alright, alright… fuck…” Law sighed. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly; this was a rare sort of opportunity to get in the good graces of the island’s inhabitants, and the sooner he could win their trust, the sooner he could blend into the background. “This would solve more problems than you’re telling me, I take it?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” Jacks admitted. “Sometimes we draw straws and it’s still not enough.”

Law regretted his words before he even said them. “Then I guess I can put together something…”

The collective sigh amongst the staff was telling.

“Seas, thank you,” Jacks breathed. He shook Law’s hand with an unexpected force that wriggled the younger man’s arm and through into his body. “How long do you need to prepare the course?”

“I… uh…”

“Does three weeks sound good?”

“It…”

“Excellent—we’ll set up something for you to show us what you’ve come up with in the meantime!” Jacks seemed to be absolutely set on not giving Law a choice in the matter. “Alright, then we’ll see you towards the end of the month.”

What the actual fuck had he just gotten himself into?

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

“Vaor, can I ask a question about before here?”

It was a few days later and Law glanced up from the coursework he was compiling to see Nauja was standing awkwardly in the doorway to his office in the clinic. He reached out with his Observation Haki—cutting down on his Devil Fruit was going to be a priority—and felt no one, prompting him to put the publication down. “What is it, famke? Is it about the crew?”

“Umm…” She looked down at her hands. “I just had a thought: why do you have things from Flevance? I thought they were dangerous.”

Oh.

“They were, but I was able to fix that,” he replied. Law beckoned his daughter over and she entered the office, climbing up into his lap. She was getting big for that, he realized, and wondered when it would need to stop entirely. “One of the first things we did when we got the Polar Tang was go to Flevance and look around at all the damage. We took some things I didn’t mind ruining and experimented to see if we could divorce the Amber Lead from things that had been treated with it. After that, I was able to take things from my home and made them safe for people to touch and carry so that I’d always have a bit of the good memories with me.”

“So… that’s why you have Oma and Opa’s rings?”

“Yeah.” He felt the weight of the twin loops sitting against his chest on their chain a little more prominently, glad for their presence. “It’s how I got a lot of things, actually.” Pausing, he wondered if he should continue, then thought he might as well. “Would you like to see?”

“Oooh! Yes please!” Nauja’s face brightened at the prospect, so Law opened a Room—damn it, he had to stop that—and replaced the medical journal with a boot-box he had brought with him from the Polar Tang, one with a cobbler’s stamp from a shop on the White City’s high street. It was one of the few things from the ship he’d taken that could not be shoved in a pack, along with a box of miscellaneous books and things, as well as the small chest from Nauja’s original home in Water 7. “Oh! This box!”

“Do you remember this?” She nodded as he lifted the lid and took out the envelopes of photographs, exposing the rest of the contents scattered across the bottom. “We couldn’t bring anything too hefty with us, being in a submarine and all, but we were able to reclaim some things like jewelry and other small items.”

“Oooh, like these!” Nauja marveled, taking a pair of wire-frame eyeglasses out. She held them up to her face and then wobbled—the lens’ strength was a surprise. “Opa had bad eyes.”

“Heh, yeah, and so far I’ve got Oma’s sight, so we’re keeping our fingers crossed,” Law explained. “This was the bell Tante Lami and I used when we were sick, and these are my parents’ name tags for their doctor’s coats at the hospital—it was easier some days to grab a spare from the hospital linen closet if theirs hadn’t made it through the wash—and this…”

“…what about this…?” She pulled a lumpy envelope out and frowned. “It’s heavier than the others.”

“That’s because it’s full of that jewelry I was talking about,” he said. He let her pour the contents out onto the desktop, only to see that it was a jumbled, tangled mess. “Maybe when you’re a bit older we can go through it. I don’t know what you’d like or not.”

“It’s a mess.”

“That’s what it does when someone doesn’t keep it all separated properly.” He then had an idea. “If you want, you can get them all apart, and then I can get you a box for it.”

“That’d be nice.” She poked at the lump, where a teardrop pendant sat shimmering in the light. “So you went with Penguin-ya and Shachi-ya and Bepo-ya to get these?”

“We left Bepo-ya on the ship as a control subject, but yeah, we did,” he confirmed. “The chemistry set we’d stolen before heading over came in handy.”

“I wish I could have seen Flevance in person,” Nauja said quietly, “you know, without the danger.”

“I know, my little seagull; I wish that too.” He pressed a kiss to her hair as he gave her a one-armed hug. “So much of it was white and pastels, even in nature, at such an amount that we should have seen Amber Lead coming earlier.” Letting his eyes go out of focus, Law’s memories slipped back nearly two decades and he swallowed hard. Had it really been that long…? Was his sister’s smile that old? His mother’s gentle voice? His father’s strong hands? The sisters’ guidance? Eventually, he felt Nauja’s hand wipe at his face—when did he start crying? “Thank you.”

“For what…?”

“Being here. Listening. Accepting. It means more than you realize.”

…and honestly? He knew it was more than he realized as well, but he wasn’t about to get into that. They instead began to untangle the knot in front of them, working right until the next patient came in through the front door.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

The morning chill settled over Hinba in a low mist as Nauja grabbed her Sora backpack and ran out the kitchen door into the pre-dawn air. She couldn’t figure out why it was this cold and no one was acting like it was unusual, but was glad that it seemed like it was supposed to be normal. She watched the sun creep over the ridge as she made her way to school, where it was clear she was one of the first ones there.

“Good morning, Miss Rikki!” she grinned as she ran into her classroom. None of the other students in her grades cluster had arrived yet, which was honestly fine by her. The woman at the head desk glanced up and smiled.

“My… aren’t you here early?” Miss Rikki chuckled.

“I wanted to know if I could use the lightbox!” Nauja said. “Vaor’s still using ours and won’t give it up.”

“Is that so?” The teacher went over to where the lightbox desk was and switched it on. “What sort of things are you learning about now?”

“The digestive system,” Nauja replied happily. She dug into her backpack and pulled out a looseleaf snail photo of exposed bowels from an injured Marine and placed it on the lightbox surface along with a piece of tracing paper over it. “Isn’t it cool?! I’m not learning everything about it yet, but I am learning about when some things go wrong, and I’m gonna draw a bunch of pictures of it!”

“That’s… lovely…” Miss Rikki grimaced. She watched as Nauja began tracing; no wonder the lightbox was in use at the girl’s house. “…and you’re… allowed to do this…? Encouraged…?”

“Oh, yes! It’s the only way I’m gonna be good at drawing them for real one day! At least to start!”

“Who in the hell did Jacks and Dervla contract,” Miss Rikki muttered. He then coughed, pretending to clear her throat, before addressing Nauja again. “What else do you have to draw?”

“Different kinds of bodies and body parts, but also everything else,” Nauja explained, not looking up from her work. “I can’t bring the naked-parts pictures, because we don’t know how people are here about naked stuff even if we are doctors, and I really shouldn’t have this here, but it’s cool, isn’t it?”

“It’s… not my favorite, but it’s good to see you so excited about your work, Nauja,” Miss Rikki said, forcing a smile. She did not even notice that some of the other students had made their way into the classroom until it was too late, with some of them crowding around the lightbox.

“Whoa, that’s cool!” Nauja looked over her shoulder and saw that a small handful of her classmates were now staring at what she was tracing. “Where’d you get that?!”

“One of the books I have to read for doctor stuff!” Nauja beamed. “It’s someone’s bowels exposed from a severe lass-er-ae-shun!”

“…a what…?”

“Their guts spilled out of a sword wound!”

The small children all oohed and aahed at the gory photo and in-process drawing while their teacher tried to not cry—she really had her work cut out for her with this one.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

It was early in the morning as Law woke up to the feeling of something cold burrowing its way under his blankets. He groaned and rolled over, seeing that Nauja and Professor Nanuk had joined him in the bed, the girl attempting to cuddle in close as she could to stave off the chill.

“Could you have waited half an hour more?” he groaned.

“’S cold…” she whined.

“Seas help me if I ever try to bring you to my Home Blue.” He adjusted the blankets so she was nearly completely covered, and him only up to his neck as he held her close. “It’s cold there like you wouldn’t believe.”

“I thought southern places in the Blues were supposed to be warm!”

“Not this far south; here we’re about the same distance from the Equator as Flevance was in the North,” he murmured. It had admittedly been a while since he was this consistently cold thanks to the Grand Line’s… peculiar weather patterns, not to mention the heat involved in the Polar Tang’s mechanics that made it a hotbox on the best of days. “You’re used to living in a ship that gets really warm.”

“I miss the others,” she replied sleepily. “I miss the Tang.”

“I know you do, kiddo.” He stroked her hair as he lowly hummed a few bars of something he thought he remembered from childhood. “They’re all really proud of you.”

“Yeah…?”

“Yeah.”

Law laid like that for about forty-five minutes—he didn’t want to risk oversleeping though he sure as hell wasn’t getting up yet—before carefully removing himself from the bed and leaving Nauja nestled in the warm blankets. He glanced out the window and chuckled to himself before getting dressed—it was going to be an interesting day.

Sure enough, Nauja was shuffling into the kitchen by the time he was whisking some eggs, a blanket still pulled tightly around her. “My birthday’s next month—it should be hot outside.”

“Too bad,” her father replied. “Say… what’s the weather look like?” She sat down on her chair and groaned. “Nauja… what’s it look like outside?” He watched as she slid off the chair and went to the window, her forehead softly hitting the glass pane before she actually bothered to look outside… and gasped.

“Wait… it snows here?!” She spun around to look at him, eyes wide.

“Why wouldn’t it snow here; we’re closer to the South Pole than we are to the Equator,” he chuckled. He saw how Nauja was almost vibrating in excitement and remembered something. “You weren’t this excited when we visited winter islands in the Grand Line.”

“Yeah, well, those always have snow and this place doesn’t!” she reasoned. “Do you think it’ll snow on my birthday?!”

“It might,” he said. “If you grew up in my homeland, it would be around the warmest day of the year.”

“…because we’re on opposite ends of the Blues, right?!” Good; she was awake enough to begin thinking critically again.

“That’s right,” he replied. “Now grab what you want in your omelette out of the fridge before I pour the eggs.”

“Oh! Yes, Vaor!” Nauja happily went into the fridge and found some leftover bacon, a cheese block, and some leeks and mushrooms that looked like they were about to wilt. “These, please!”

“Good, now go get dressed properly and maybe you can play in the snow a bit before heading off to school,” he said. She then remembered she was still in her pajamas! Nauja ran back to her room, returning when she was warmly dressed and ready to play. She was almost out the door when Law pulled her back in and stuck her on the chair—breakfast first. The entire omelette was downed in almost record time before she ran out and jumped directly into a snowbank. By the time Law went outside to join her, she was already red-faced and soaked to her skin—smiling brightly in the brief morning twilight—and he knew he wouldn’t trade it for anything.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

“Hey, do you want to come play with us?”

Nauja glanced up from the book she was just about to pack away, seeing two of her classmates, Carina and Magne, standing there hopefully. Miss Rikki looked like she was still handling other students as everyone packed up to go home.

“I can’t; I’ve got chores.”

“You can do them when you get back,” Carina said.

“Yeah, it’s nothing super-urgent, is it?” Magne asked.

“Well, no…” She slipped the book into her Sora backpack. “I have to sweep up the downstairs including the clinic, feed the Den-Den, and it’s my turn to change the linens in the infirmary and sanitize the medical instruments…”

“Wait, you have to do what?!” Magne marveled. Carina’s mouth dropped open in surprise as well.

“Sanitize medical instruments…? It involves boiling them and…”

“No, the Den-Den!” Carina interrupted. “I didn’t know you had a transponder snail!”

“We have it for emergencies,” Nauja replied. “Don’t people have them for emergencies…?”

“Miss Dervla, yeah, but not a lot of people have them,” Carina said. Mange nodded.

“I don’t think I’ve even seen one.”

“Then maybe if you come over, I can do my chores after we have some fun and you can see the Den-Den!”

“That sounds cool!” Mange grinned. The three children packed the rest of their things and ran out of the schoolhouse, heading down the street towards the clinic. They barreled into the kitchen, kicked off their shoes, and dropped their stuff on the floor, with Nauja poking her head into the corridor.

“Vaor! Back from school! I’ve got friends over!”

“As long as you get your work done,” Vaor replied unseen. It sounded like he was in the consultation room.

“Okay!”

Nauja then grabbed some lettuce from the fridge and led Carina and Magne up the back steps, to the smallest bedroom, which was kept as the private combination-office-and-library. Amongst the dozens of books and papers and the pair of desks, a terrarium sat on its own table with lush greenery and a low-powered heat lamp, a snail shell sitting on a rock.

“Whoa… so that’s a transponder snail…?” Carina marveled. “Why’s it hiding?”

“It does that when it’s sleeping because it’s not hooked up to anything right now,” Nauja explained. She broke the lettuce into tiny pieces and placed it in front of the snail. When it didn’t move, she lightly scratched the shell with her fingernail. “Hey, wake up. It’s food time.”

The snail didn’t move.

“Are you sure there’s one in there?” Magne asked.

“Yeah, I’ve fed it before. Sometimes you gotta…” She picked up the shell and shook it slightly…

Only to scream as the dead snail schlupped out of the shell and plopped onto the terrarium floor.

All three children screamed, in fact, as they ran out of the office and down the stairs. While Carina and Magne decided to grab their stuff and leave, Nauja went straight to the consultation room, where Vaor had one of the fishermen, Lars-ya, up on the examination bench as he looked in his ear.

“Do you have to keep barging in on appointments?” Vaor said through grit teeth. “This is unprofessional.”

“Vaor! Vaor! It’s a disaster! The Den-Den died!”

Vaor’s face scrunched in confusion. “What do you mean ‘the Den-Den died’? We’ve still got another ten years on that thing at the very least.”

“I picked it up and it just slid out of the shell and went plop on the rock!” she whimpered.

“Fuck,” Vaor cursed under his breath. He then looked at his patient with an expression that showed he wanted to scream. “Do you know if your wife can order transponder snails through her store?”

“Lanna can get her hands on a lot of things, but she can’t work miracles,” Lars-ya shrugged. “You can try to catch a snail, but even if you have the tech it doesn’t mean it’ll work.”

“Great,” Vaor sighed. “Just… don’t worry, famke. I’ll clean it up later.”

“…but I was supposed to feed it! I must not have in time…!”

“They just do that sometimes, like people; it’s nothing to worry about. Now let me finish here with Lars-ya, alright?”

“…but… but…!”

“Just go,” he insisted, trying to not sound cross. Nauja then ran up to her room and hid under her blankets, sobbing hysterically as she allowed the severity of the situation weigh on her. She had not seen more than five transponder snails since leaving the Polar Tang, which meant that they had needed to keep that one alive! What were they going to do?! She cried so much that she almost vomited, absolutely sick to her stomach as she curled around Professor Nanuk, trembling.

The little girl did not know how much time passed before she heard her door open and felt the mattress shift with new weight. She peeked out from her blankets to see Vaor sitting there with a mug of tea waiting for her, which she took and held under her face.

“It’s all gone now,” he said, scratching her scalp. “I already got rid of it.”

“Am…” she sniffled, “…am I in trouble…?”

“Not at all,” Vaor replied. “What I said in front of Lars-ya was the truth: these things happen. I’ll figure out how to replace it later, alright?”

She nodded.

“Alright. Now drink your tea and come downstairs for chores when you’re ready. How does fish and rice sound for dinner?”

A grunt.

“Bring your mug down when you’re done,” Vaor said. He then kissed her hair and left, allowing her time to calm down on her own. It took a while of her breathing in the hot steam from the mug before she was steady enough to drink—the thought of anyone from the Polar Tang trying to call them was sharp in her mind as she tried to tell herself that if Vaor said it was okay, then it was okay.

If Vaor said he was going to fix it, then he was going to fix it. Everything was fine. Nothing to worry about, right…? Right.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

“What do you mean it can’t be done?!” Law gaped. He was standing in the general store the following day, the proprietor at least attempting to seem empathetic from behind the counter. “I need a snail to keep in contact with everyone from where we used to live! This is essential.”

“That’s all well and good, but properly-raised transponder snails are a rarity to come by in these waters,” Lanna replied calmly. “They’re often restricted to the super-wealthy and the emergency networks local leadership builds.”

“So what you’re saying is that the only person on the island who has a Den-Den Mushi is Dervla, and that’s only because she’s in charge?”

“Yeah. It’ll go to whomever succeeds her once she retires.”

“You barely get newspapers, it’s difficult to get books, and now you’re telling me that transponder snails are hard to come by?”

“You know how much of a hassle it is to get to this island,” she reminded him. “It impacts literally everything and everyone going in or out.” She watched as Law covered his face with his hands and took a deep breath—at least he was actively trying to not be a dick about it. “I know you’re probably used to more things being readily available from your time in Water 7, but this is the South Blue… not just that, but Diura… we used to sail three days to see a doctor between his yearly rounds before you showed up.”

“That’s inhumane.”

“That’s the trade-off we get for not being bothered,” Lanna shrugged. “Is there anything else you were looking for today? Maybe that’ll help.”

Law took a steadying breath—yeah, it was best to change subjects. “Do you know who is the best person to ask about woodcrafts?” She raised an eyebrow and he took a piece of paper from his pocket and showed it to her. “I want to know if anyone can copy this pattern.” The woman studied the paper curiously, taking in the intricate design of flowers, leaves, and grasses that had clearly been copied from a book.

“This Lvneelish?”

“No, but close enough,” Law replied. “It’s from a book on the North Blue that Dr. Ghar-Spartel had. My daughter mentioned she likes it, and I was wondering if I could get something like this on a jewelry box.”

“That is a good question; a lot of us are good with carving, but this is delicate work.” It was then that the chimes on the door rang and someone else walked in—a woman looking miserable in her last months of pregnancy. “Ah, Marla, just the woman I want to see.”

“Daisuke will not pass your daughter in geography if she keeps doodling in class and not turning in homework,” Marla groaned as though they’d had that precise conversation before. Lanna shook her head.

“It’s for the Doc.” She gestured towards Law with a jerk of her head. “Your dad still do woodcarving jobs on the side?”

“Last I checked.” Marla was passed the paper and she narrowed her eyes at it. “This is definitely a Northern design, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Law admitted, almost sheepish. “I haven’t properly met your father yet—do you think he can carve something like that on a small box?”

“We’re on break at the shipyard; let me get what I came here for and you can ask him yourself.”

“Her dad’s the best this side of the current,” Lanna smirked. “How about I just keep an eye out and an ear open for the other thing we talked about, hm?”

“Argued about what she can and can’t get, eh?” Marla wondered, a near-consoling tone to her voice. Law shrugged as she received a package and almost jumped out of his skin when she linked arms with him. “Come on—time’s wasting if you want this to be a secret. This is a secret for your daughter, right?”

“Uhh…”

The grin that crept across Marla’s face was nearly predatory, he decided, as he was forcefully dragged from the store. Hopefully it was going to be as pain-free as possible… though… his hopes were not exactly high.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

It was well after lunch when Law stepped into the schoolhouse, glad that the building was kept warmer than most. An entire week’s worth of new snow and it felt as though it was refusing to let up, which was great to only children and people who didn’t have to leave their own warm places. He left his hat on as he shed his bag and coat, putting them up on a visitors’ peg near the door as his thoughts were lost in the lessons he was going to teach that day. The oldest group had sexual consent, the little ones had hand-washing, and the middle group was—seas help him—getting into why bathing was important…

“So good to see you, Dr. Law,” purred a voice. He nearly jumped out of his skin, only to see that it was the younger of the secretaries, hidden by her desk’s position in regards to the door. Taking off his hat, he put his mittens in it before hanging it too on a peg.

“Same, Janka-ya,” he replied tersely. He honestly had few bits of leftover patience for niceties that particular day, but he was willing to perform if it kept him from being hounded with questions. Get in, teach the day’s lessons, then leave; that’s all he really wanted to do. “Are classes on time today?”

“They seem to be,” she replied. “I don’t think any are behind, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“A little,” he admitted. Law went over to the radiator and held his hands close to it, glad for the device’s intense warmth. “I want to get the oldest kids’ lesson done before they get sent off to their jobs.”

“Surely you don’t have to get to that immediately,” Janka frowned. Wait, no, that was more of a pout, wasn’t it? “You can wait here with me until Dia is ready with her group.”

“Don’t bother me, Janka-ya���I’ve got a lot I need to think about to keep the kids on their toes,” he replied. Which was true; he had only taught a handful of sessions thus far and the schoolchildren’s capacity for curiosity knew little bounds. His hands finally warmed up and he turned, only to see that Janka was now standing right next to him. How…? “What?”

“You cold?” she asked. What were her eyelashes doing? Was there something in her eyes…?

“If you haven’t noticed, it’s snowing outside,” he replied. “Usually that accompanies cold weather; I’m fine now.”

“Pity. I could help you warm up in the future. Maybe… if you come a little earlier…?”

“I have patients that need attending and a curriculum to keep on top of; I don’t have extra time.”

“You sure a curriculum is the only thing you need to keep on top of?” she asked. He tried to move and she blocked his way. “Maybe… you need something to be on top of you?”

Janka winked and suddenly everything clicked into place in Law’s brain—oh, fuck, she was flirting with him! He then noticed how he was essentially trapped between the wall, the heater, and the secretary who was sizing him up with very specific intent. Swallowing hard, he pressed himself against the wall, trying to stay as far from her as possible.

“That is very inappropriate, Janka-ya,” he replied shakily. “This is not the place for that.”

“Then maybe I can warm you up at my place…?” A grin crept across her face that made his chest feel tight and his stomach awful. “Your place…?”

Law’s brain felt as though it was shutting down. Seas, when was the last time someone propositioned him like this? Propositioned him at all?! It was before he had his homicidal aloof loner reputation as one of the most notorious Supernovas, that was for certain, and he absolutely hated how helpless he felt as he was cornered. Couldn’t use his Devil Fruit without questions, had no access to Conqueror’s Haki, he was afraid to even touch her…

“Dr. Law…? Are you, uh…?” Law looked towards an open door that had a small handful of teenagers gathered around it, staring at the scene as though they walked in on something private.

“Ah, class is in session! Excellent!” He slid along the wall until he was out of Janka’s grasp and grabbed his bag on the way in, not allowing himself a second to breathe until he was in the classroom with the door shut.

“You haven’t seen her with some of the traders, have you?” Dia, the teacher, groaned in exasperation. Law shook his head silently, the man still a bit in shock at the interaction. “I’ll talk to her.”

“Thanks,” Law squeaked. He then took a deep breath to calm himself and looked at the students. “Alright class, today we’re going to be talking about why what Miss Janka did was not okay. Everyone to your seats.”

At least he was able to do that.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Despite the nights beginning to grow longer, Law understood how fortunate he was that there had been extra rooms in the clinic’s living areas as soon as the air grew a chill. The clinic was likely built to accommodate two or three families so medical staff had no problem living on-site. What it meant for him, however, was that there was plenty of extra room to move about in the cold months, allowing for a room meant specifically for training.

“Right here, famke,” he said, bringing her through the motion of stabbing a practice dummy. Her knife was in one shaky hand, grip backward so the flat of the blade could rest along her forearm when not being embedded in someone’s torso. She frowned at it, not enjoying the movement.

“It’s hard to hold,” Nauja pouted. “Why can’t I hold it like normal?”

“You won’t always be able to grab it like normal,” he reasoned. “Sometimes you will have to grab it weird and not have time to adjust the grip.”

“Like when?”

“Like when you have to take the knife from someone’s sheath and bury it in their side.” Law then placed his hand over Nauja’s and pressed the tip of the knife against the dummy’s side. “Now, what will this hit?”

“The… ninth and tenth ribs,” she replied, brow furrowed as she thought. She then adjusted the knife. “This way will go between them and hit the left kidney and part of the stomach. The other side is the right kidney and the gall bladder.”

“Good, good.” He then let her adjust her grip and placed the knife tip back against the dummy’s side. “Thrusting up here hits what?”

“The spleen.”

“…and maybe…?”

“Maybe a… lung…?”

“Good.” Law then saw that Nauja was frowning as she stared at the knife in her hand. He could tell something was bothering her. “What is it?”

“I know this is in case someone tries to hurt me, but…” She crinkled her nose. “Aren’t we doctors? This feels a lot like how to kill.”

“Not at all,” he assured. “You need to know where things are in the body if you’re going to draw them, or treat them medically, or fight off someone without hitting a vital organ. That takes a lot of practice.”

“…but why would I need to know how to fight here?”

“You never can be too prepared.” Law pressed a kiss into her hair and let out a low chuckle. “Alright, now show me again where to stab to get under the sternum again.”

Nauja wrinkled her nose and placed the blade accordingly.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

It was finally Nauja’s birthday. Although it was still winter, the weather had warmed just enough to turn everything slightly slushier. Heavy, wet snow fell the entire day, encouraging Law to make the prudent decision to stay inside. At least Nauja herself didn’t mind, as she enjoyed days where she stayed in and was allowed to study alongside Law. He surprised her with umeboshi onigiri for lunch and Flevench-style pea soup for dinner, afterwards bringing the celebration into the front sitting room where a fire was already warming the hearth from “business hours”. Flexing his Devil Fruit for the first time that week, he shambled three wrapped packages onto the table next to the cake, which made his daughter gasp.

“Really?!” she marveled. He nodded silently, allowing her to pull the nearest package towards her and open it up: an art and drafting set filled with pens and pencils—regular and in colors—as well as a couple sketchbooks and some varied straight-edges, measuring utensils, and other miscellanea. “Wow! That’s so cool! Thanks!”

“Don’t thank me just yet; open the rest of them,” he chuckled. She pulled another package towards her and tore the paper off—a wooden box, decorated with an elaborate pattern that had been carved into the lid and sides.

“What is it?” she asked, tilting her head. She opened it carefully to find that it was lined with a blue velvet and had many different internal sections.

“It’s a jewelry box,” he explained. “Macksson Jan made it. We can put the things from the envelope in there to keep it nice.”

“…oh. Okay.”

Law watched as Nauja stared at the intricately-carved box, running her fingers lightly over the design. She sucked in a sniffle as tears began to well in her eyes. “Famke…?”

“Law-san… I don’t know what I did to deserve this,” she said quietly. She sniffled again and hiccuped before wiping tears away with the heel of her palm. “I’m just some kid Bepo-ya found…”

“Where did this come from?” he wondered aloud. His hand found the top of her head, where he began to scratch lightly at her scalp. She struggled to not cry and it made his heart feel both heavy and dangerously fragile. “I thought we’ve been through this.”

“I know… but…” She sniffled loudly, trying to suck up some snot back into her nose. “It’s hard…”

Ah. Something was making her rethink things, whether it was a difficult time adjusting, or maybe something someone said, or possibly even her own mind beginning to play tricks on her. She was a bit young for it, but then again… he had been when that first started himself. Children generally suffered from moods as they grew emotionally and she was being subject to one. The only thing now was how to get her out of it…

…and maybe… maybe it was good to have all the cards on the table. His daughter deserved that much, after all.

“Nauja?” He gently turned her face towards him and brushed away more tears. “Can I tell you something? Something I don’t know if I ever said out loud in words before?”

“Not… not even to my uncles?”

“No one on the Polar Tang knows this.”

The girl sat there and digested those words. Something no one else knew? No one at all? She placed the jewelry box down on the cushion next to Professor Nanuk and adjusted so that she was sitting cross-legged on the couch.

Please.

“When I was your age,” he began, each word measured and deliberate, “before I met Cora-san, before we knew Amber Lead was killing us, I went to church. My parents took your Tante Lami and I there once a week, most weeks, the last time being about a month before… before I lost them.”

“Church…?” She tilted her head curiously. “What’s that?”

“It’s a place for religion… for faith… for spirituality… for the part of us that can’t be mended with bandages and stitches and medicine… when done right, a church is a place where people can find peace, understand things in different ways, be a loving community, and be inspired to do good, if not there then elsewhere in their lives. It can augment mental and emotional therapy for some people and help keep them even-keeled between sessions. Again, when done right, it has the ability to be highly valuable.”

“Was it… not done right…?”

“I think it tried, which is the best most churches can do.” Law took a deep breath as he thought back to hardwood pews and soft candlelight; he could almost smell the sweet and heady mulberry incense and hear the bells and organ pipes in the rafters. “The church in Flevance would do things like talk about salvation—unconditional freedom and forgiveness in this life and the next—which wasn’t something I really understood. When you grow up privileged in a place where even the poor are wealthy by other countries’ standards, such a thing is a difficult concept to grasp, especially as a child. I was more concerned with other stuff… more irritated with other stuff…”

“Like what…?”

“‘Everything happens for a reason’,” he said, the words flowing over his tongue for the first time in so, so long. “The church ran the schools for younger students in Flevance and it was something the religious sisters and brothers we had as teachers said. Often. I didn’t believe it then and not for a long, long time after.”

“Why…? Were they mean?”

“They could have been, in another time or place, but no they were very nice. They loved all of us children the same whether we went to church or not, whether we believed what they said or not, and said that if we were to ever think of anything preached to us as true, it was that. We had to find our own way to make sense of it, but they encouraged us to take that phrase to heart.”

“So… everything…?” Nauja puzzled over that for a moment. “I thought things happen because people do or don’t do things.”

“You are correct, but it’s something they said to make us feel better here, to help make sense of things in here.” He tapped the middle of her chest with two fingers, then her forehead. “I thought they meant stuff like when Tante Lami got into my room and tore it apart in play, or when my parents had a patient who passed away unexpectedly, or when a classmate would break a bone after slipping on ice. That wasn’t it at all.”

“What was it?”

“It was preparing us, in case one of us would not find salvation with the others,” Law admitted quietly, his voice cracking slightly. “It doesn’t mean what happens is always right, or good, or that you will ever understand why; it’s hopefully something that clicks into place later on so that the past doesn’t weigh the better parts of you down. By thinking about it, you can move forward and not let ghosts haunt you.”

Nauja looked away, her gaze towards the art set on the table yet far-off and distant. Her father waited for her to say something, yet she did not.

“If I had not been the only one to live,” he continued, “then I would have never lost my faith in the good in the world. My rage would have never led me to Doflamingo or to my Devil Fruit. Amber Lead would have killed me if bullets and fire didn’t. I would have never had to relearn what was good with Cora-jiisan or the crew, I would have never gone on the journey I did, and I certainly would have never agreed to stop at the island we met on.” He watched as she drew up her legs and hugged her knees in an effort to become smaller. “I would have never known that you needed me like I needed Cora-jiisan, and I would have never realized that what he wanted was not for me to go headlong into a suicidal revenge mission, but to pass on the love he gave me.” Holding her gently by the shoulders, he waited until she looked back at him to continue. “I don’t know what forces brought us together if any did at all, but what I do know is that you are my reason, Trafalgar D. Water Lawsdottir Nauja. It doesn’t have to make sense to you just as much as it needs to make sense to me.”

Errant tears were now streaming down both their faces—too much more and things would become ugly.

“You lived,” he stated. “That’s what you did to deserve to inherit love. I lived, and that’s all I needed as well. If more people knew that, then maybe I could take you home to my family, or you might know first-hand how much of a klutz Cora-jiisan was. If more people understood… then the world might be different.”

“If there was a church here, would you take me?” she asked, voice barely above a whisper.

“I…” he swallowed hard, “I don’t know.”

“Would you… go by yourself…?”

“I don’t know.”

“Did Oma and Opa and Tante Lami and Cora-jiisan find it? Salvation?”

“I like to think they did.” He leaned down and kissed the top of her head, where he lingered for a moment as he drew strength from her presence. “We’re here for a reason, famke, and so far, being your father and seeing you celebrate birthdays is enough for me. Now come on; open your last present.”

Nodding quietly, Nauja took the third parcel from the table and dragged it into her lap. She slid her fingers under an opening in the paper and stopped.

“I’m the only one in school who was adopted outside their blood-family,” she admitted. “A couple kids live with grandparents, and one girl lives with her aunt and uncle, but there’s no one else like us.”

“…and that too is for a reason.” He gently rubbed her back. “Come on. Open it.”

Nauja carefully tore at the paper and revealed a small stack of books that she quickly looked through: the newest Sora volume, a volume of reference poses, a collection of Northern folktales, and a book on unique localized architecture. She opened the last book and saw in the index not only a section on her father’s hometown, but hers as well. She stared at a photo of a canal full of gondolas and yagara bulls and sniffled.

“…as long as you need me, and longer still,” he murmured. She looked at him with watery eyes and he ruffled her hair. “So, what do you think?”

“Thank you, Vaor. I love them.” She then glanced over at the cake that was still sitting on the table and began to fidget. “Can we…?”

“We can,”  he replied. Nauja breathed a sigh of relied—something to solidly change the subject, and not only that, it was whole cake all to the two of them! It was perfect.

As they ate their cake, Law sat on the couch with a book of his own, while Nauja knelt in front of the table as she began to test her new drafting supplies and reference materials. He glanced over once in a while to see that she was paying close attention to the particular way that elevated canals worked. Had she lived next to one? He couldn’t remember…

Eventually, Law left Nauja in the sitting room as he went to put together some tea for her and pour a couple fingers of a gifted whisky for himself. Was he technically on-call? Yes, but if he couldn’t drink the stuff during a special occasion on a full stomach, when could he? He brought the teapot, their Sora mugs, and the whisky back on a tray, watching her nose wrinkle at the sight of his drink.

“That’s stinky,” she scowled.

“Your opa drank it, as did both of my opas,” he shrugged, sitting down to lean back into the couch. “I don’t expect you to like it—you didn’t even like that sip of beer Ikkaku-ya gave you.”

“Don’t remind me,” she cringed, pouring herself some tea. They took more cake to have with their drinks, both quiet as they continued their dessert in peace.

When he was nearly done with both cake and whisky, an odd feeling settled over Law. It was as though a weight shifted on his shoulders—not quite lifted and yet eased in a way. Two years prior, he would have not been able to predict that this was ever in his future. Seas, he wouldn’t’ve been able to predict it when he first saw Nauja, the girl nearly half-feral and malnourished from neglect, that she would be the entire reason behind his retirement. Now, after everything, she knew more about him than even Bepo. She understood him and his motivations in a way no one else did, even if it hadn’t all set in yet, and there was something… oddly reassuring about it.

Eventually, all children were likely to hit their limits and Nauja was no exception. He chuckled inwardly as her head bobbed in exhaustion, her fight to stay awake nearly valiant in a way.

“You can go to bed if you want,” he said. She shook her head.

“I wanna stay up,” she whined. Nauja abandoned her books and crawled up onto the sofa and cuddled into Law’s side. He let his arm drape around her and she hummed in happiness—the sharpness of the whisky, the smokiness of the fire, the fragrance of the tea, the sweetness of the leftover cake, the electricity and rumbles of the oncoming change in the storm, the warmth of each other and the flames… it was going to be a birthday she would never forget, and neither would he.

Eventually, the storm began to roll in and Law began to drift off himself. He imagined the smell of the fire as Cora-san’s cigarettes, as the fireplace in his parents’ house, as something warm and comforting beyond his daughter… a reality where some things went a little more his way…

Just before he was nearly asleep, a thudding pounding rocked the door, jolting both father and daughter awake. Law went to the door to open it, only for Daisuke to come in, supporting his wife Marla with one arm draped across his shoulders. While both were windwhipped and drenched from the heavy snowfall, she was clearly in pain, which set off alarm bells in Law’s mind.

“You have to help,” Daisuke said between heavy breaths. “She’s gone into labor.”

“Wait… where’s Svana-ya?”

“She’s seeing to her brother’s younger granddaughter,” Marla said. She took a deep breath as her hand went to her stomach. “This one wasn’t supposed to come until next month.”

“…but obstetrics isn’t exactly my field of expertise…”

“I don’t think this baby cares,” Daisuke replied as Law began to support Marla from her other side. He caught sight of Nauja peering at them from the couch and he blanched. “What about…?”

“Hey, famke, remember the illustrations about childbirth in our textbooks?”

“Yeah…?”

“Well get ready, because you’re going to help in-person.” Law led Marla and Daisuke back to the operating theater and helped sit the woman down before beginning to grab things off of shelves and out of cupboards. “Get Marla-ya one of the spare gowns; I don’t want her in those soaked clothes.”

“Yes, Vaor!” Nauja chirped. She scurried back out of the theater and down towards the linen cupboard, giving the adults precious seconds to themselves.

“When was the last time you helped deliver a kid?” Daisuke asked. Law shook his head.

“I can in theory, but it wasn’t part of my clinicals.” Which was the truth, but the ins and outs of his unorthodox medical training wasn’t something that really mattered at that moment.

“Not even for your own daughter’s birth?” Marla wondered as she peeled off her soaked jumper.

“Lot of reasons, long story, but we’re not going to talk about that now.” Nauja then returned with a fresh patient gown, which she shoved in Marla’s hands. “Alright, now get the lights and wash your hands really good.”

“Yes, sir!”

Daisuke shot Law one final incredulous look before Marla caught their attention again as a contraction caused her to hiss in pain. They left her side only to scrub in best they could, because there wasn’t long before the woman began full-on cussing.

What followed next was one of the most stressful hours of Law’s life. He was never going to admit that he’d only ever glanced at obstetrics in passing, with Penguin and Shachi’s giggling immaturity having been the most those texts had gotten use until he went over the topic with Nauja all those months ago. It made him glad he had, as both of them were thrown into the terrifying and messy situation headlong, for at least they were both somewhat (if poorly) prepared. Eventually, a baby cried its first cry and was nestled in his mother’s arms, Marla so relieved and exhausted she could barely speak.

“Storm,” she breathed. “I think that’s his name.”

“Not after your dad?” Daisuke smirked.

“No—his arrival was something to weather, like what’s going on outside.” She raised her eyes towards Law and Nauja, who were both beginning to crash as they cleaned up on waning adrenaline. “We’re doing fine; you two should go rest.”

“Marla-ya, I…”

“I’m a mom now and that means I can boss people around,” she joked. “In all seriousness, you look like you’re going to fall over.”

“We’re okay,” Nauja insisted. She rubbed at her eyes, the late hour getting to her. “We can stay up…”

“I’ll get you if we need anything, how about that?” Daisuke offered. Nauja nodded at that with a tiny squeak, while Law exhaled heavily. Fine—he had them there.

“We’ll be in the waiting room if you need us,” he said. Law then ushered Nauja out so that the new family could have some privacy, the pair finding their way back to the front sitting room. The fire in the hearth was nearly out, so he put a couple more logs on and made sure the flames caught before sitting down a bit too hard on the couch.

“Vaor…?” Nauja whispered as she joined him, cuddling in close.

“Hmm…?”

“We’re here because someone needed to help Storm be born, right? Is that the reason?”

“Maybe.” He smiled hazily at her and let out a chuckle low in his throat. “Slaap goed.”

“Sleep well,” she echoed, curling back up into his side. He wrapped his arm around her and they stayed like that until Daisuke woke them five hours later with food ready in the kitchen.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

A/N: I don’t know how many of you all realize how Catholic-coded Law is and when I say Catholic-coded I mean after a happy upbringing there was an awful event that made him lose his faith and question everything he’d known, only to slowly get back to accepting what he was brought up in and where he is currently, even if a lot of what he sees at-large makes him uncomfortable and by no means has erased the fury he once felt. My circumstances were (obviously) not the same, but a lot of the emotional journey that Law goes through via Flevance and Amber Lead really strikes a chord with me due to applicability with my own faith journey and that’s part of why I adore his character so much.

Also, just as a disclaimer, once I wrote Visiting Home [FFN/AO3], my brain went and decided that something similar probably happened in canon, so to me it’s my emotional support fanon, and by emotional support I mean crying happens a lot.

[luxaofhesperides]

Ghostlights cuddling for comfort, but also they're oblivious idiots who are pining over each other but thinks its unrequited

“Ugh,” Duke says, dropping down onto the bench besides Danny.

Danny nudges him with his shoulder. “Rough night?”

“Slept for like an hour,” Duke mutters, “This sucks. My head’s going to burst like balloon and my eyes are about to fall out.”

“Yikes. You know, you could have just canceled for today. I wouldn’t have minded.”

Duke sighs and presses the heel of his palms against his eyes. “Maybe, but I would have minded. We barely see each other anymore, man. I’ve missed you.”

“Oh.” Danny bites his lip, trying and failing to stop from smiling. Something soft in his chest glows at the words, a growing spark of happiness in knowing that for this, at least, the feeling is requited. It’s nice to hear that he was missed, and it would be even nicer if Duke wasn’t in pain, pushing himself just because he didn’t want to cancel. Carefully, Danny reaches for him and pulls his hands away from his face. “Here,” he says, “Let me.”

His hands are always cold. Most of him is cold, really — side effect of having an ice core. Sam told him once that his hands were better than an ice pack, and he’s hoping she’s right or this is going to be weird. 

Danny gently presses his fingers against Duke’s temples, his hands cradling Duke’s face. Duke is tense for a few seconds, then abruptly relaxes, leaning into Danny’s hands. 

“Is this helping?” he asks, voice hushed to keep from aggravating Duke’s migraine.

“Mhm. Yeah, it feels great. Thanks, Danny.”

Duke goes completely limp, leaning against Danny. They sit there for a minute in silence, the rest of the world feeling far away. As nice as it is to just exist together, he knows what Duke needs most right now is quiet and stillness. Gotham is very much not that, and every honking car that passes by makes Duke wince, trying to turn away from the road even more.

“Hey, let’s head back to my place. It’s close by, and a lot quieter than out here.”

“Are you sure? I know we planned to go to the arcade today…”

“The arcade can wait. You’re more important.”

Duke blinks open his eyes and looks at Danny with something soft in his gaze. Being so close together, barely any space between them, with Duke looking at him like that makes Danny’s cheeks flush red, unable to think anything but please kiss me.

Which is never going to happen. Duke is his friend, and just his friend, no matter how much Danny wishes they could be something more. It’s a pipe dream, something so impossible it’s almost laughable. 

Duke likes being friends with normal human Danny. He doesn’t want to imagine how he would react if he found out about Danny being half ghost, assuming this imaginary reveal happens without Danny being hunted down and cut open by GIW agents. 

He’s still in hiding, always waiting for the worst as he stays in the apartment his friends (living and dead) had set up for him. The building is for ghosts so it technically doesn’t exists, which means it’s the safest place for Danny while he’s actively being hunted by the US government. 

He can’t be honest with Duke. Can’t be as close to him as he wants to be. Duke deserves more than to be dragged into Danny’s problems and put in danger.

Even so, Danny can’t help but want him around, pushing his luck each time they hang out.

“Come on,” Danny urges, standing up. He pulls his hands away and Duke’s brow immediately furrows, his pain returning. “It’s only a few streets away.”

Duke sighs, then visibly braces himself before he stands up. Danny tucks himself into Duke’s side, taking as much of his weight as he can as he walks them down the street. It’s times like these that he wishes he could reveal his powers safely and just fly them to his apartment. But even without the GIW gunning for his head, showing off powers in Gotham is a sure fire way to get a target painted on his back.

“Almost there,” he says as they turn a corner. 

His apartment doesn’t have a fixed address. It doesn’t have a fixed location at all, drifting around, but it likes this street the most, so this is where it usually is. Danny takes them halfway down the street, then turns into an alley, following his ghost sense. 

Where there’s usually a dead end is instead a building, looking as if it’s always been tucked away in this alley. Danny keeps a tight grip on Duke as they climb the front steps, silently asking for the building to let him stay while he’s with Danny. The door opens easily, which is as good as an agreement, and they’re inside without anything going wrong. The small entrance lobby is empty, with an area for packages filled with clearly magical artifacts carelessly wrapped in bubble wrap. 

Danny drags them past that quickly, hoping Duke doesn’t notice, and calls the elevator down. It arrives silently, the doors opening to let another tenant out. Carefully, Danny positions himself in front of Duke, making sure he doesn’t see how the tenant, who nods at Danny, has a still bleeding wound in his stomach that has him nearly split in half. 

“Alright,” he says, ushering Duke into the elevator, “Just a little ride up and then you can lay down.” He hits the button for the fourth floor and they ride up in silence, Duke dropping his head down to onto Danny’s shoulder again, wrapping his arms around his waist as he stands behind Danny. He’s glad Duke can’t see his face; there’s no doubt that he’s blushing like crazy and if that doesn’t give away his feelings, he doesn’t know what will.

Thankfully the elevator ride isn’t long. If Danny had to go for more than a minute with Duke breathing softly against his neck, his warm hands on his stomach, Danny would have collapsed into a pile of flustered goo.

He opens the door to his apartment and kicks his shoes off. Duke follows in suit, still plastered onto Danny’s back, refusing to let go. 

“Come on,” Danny says, leading him to the couch, “Sit down and I’ll grad you some water and painkillers.”

Duke nods against his shoulder, then slowly detaches himself from Danny and makes his way to the couch. He drops onto it gracelessly, pressing his face into a cushion. 

Danny winces. He must be feeling really bad. He knows how bad migraines can be with sleep deprivation, having suffered through high school with only a few hours of sleep at night, if he got to sleep at all. Frankly, it’s a testament to Duke’s strength that he lasted the entire walk to Danny’s apartment without complaint. 

He returns to the living room with a full glass of water and a bottle of Advil, setting them on the coffee table to crouch next to the couch and place a cold hand on Duke’s cheek. “Hey,” he says softly when Duke turns to look at him, “Is Advil alright? It’s all I had.”

“Yeah, that’s fine. Thanks, Danny.”

Duke sits up and shakes out three pills, then washes them down with water. He drains the rest of the cup quickly, then falls back against the couch with his eyes squeezed shut.

“Is there anything else I can do to make you feel better?”

Duke immediately reaches a hand out for him.

“Um?”

“Sit next to me. I feel better when I’m next to you.”

“Oh! Alright. Bet you’re only saying that because my hands are cold.”

“You caught me,” Duke laughs, pulling Danny onto the couch. He goes easily, tucking his legs beneath himself, and places his hands on Duke’s temples again. “Man, I owe you my life.”

“I don’t think my cold hands are worth quite that much.”

Duke hums, but doesn’t say anything else, so Danny settles in and focuses on keeping his hands a little colder than normal. 

The apartment is quiet. No sound from outside can reach them, one of the few ways the building looks after its tenants. Danny and Duke fall against each other, at ease with each other. There’s no need to fill in the silence, and with Duke’s eyes closed, Danny doesn’t have to carefully shove down his feelings and act normal. He indulges in the warmth of Duke’s body pressed against his, a hand on his knee and an arm around his waist. 

He keeps his hands as steady as possible as he looks over Duke, adoring all the little details he can see; a small scar on his chin, the fullness of his lips, the way his hair falls into his face now that it’s long enough to keep in braids.

“I can practically hear you thinking,” Duke murmurs, “What’s on your mind?”

You’re cute, he thinks, I feel safe with you. I want to kiss you. I wish I could be brave enough to be honest.

I wish I was brave. I wish I was brave. I wish I was brave.

“Nothing,” he says. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah. I might fall asleep though.”

“That’s fine. You know I would never say no to a nap.”

“Come here, then,” Duke says, and before Danny can do anything, Duke gets a stronger grip on his waist and pulls Danny down on top of him as he falls back towards the arm rest and gets his legs on the couch.

“Duke!”

Duke laughs underneath him, and Danny can feel it roll through him. Okay! This is definitely something he’s going to think about… forever. Wow, he can feel Duke’s abs tense up as he laughs, and has he always been ripped? Unfair. Also unfairly hot. 

“Is this alright?” Duke asks, voice soft and quiet. There’s a hesitancy around his words that Danny doesn’t like hearing, and he brings his hands down to sweep his thumbs soothingly over Duke’s cheeks.

“Of course it is, man. I’d never refuse cuddles.”

“Okay. I’m gonna pass out now. Wake me in an hour?”

Danny moves his hands back up to his temples and says, “Sure. Get some rest, Duke. You really need it.”

He feels Duke relax beneath him, breaths slowing down as he begins to fall asleep. It’s peaceful and quiet and Duke is warm in a way Danny never can be with his ice core. He doesn’t mean to fall asleep, but curled up on the couch with Duke in the safety of an apartment that only barely exists has him drifting off in no time at all.

. . .

(Duke wakes up before Danny. Their legs are tangled together and Duke has moved during his sleep, turning so Danny is held tightly to his chest, his back to the cushions, while Duke is balancing very carefully at the edge of the couch. 

It’s been hours, and he should be heading home soon, but he stays as he is, enjoying this quiet moment for as long as he can have it. Danny is in his arms, safe and content with him, his head no longer hurts beyond a residual ache he can easily ignore, and he can admire how pretty Danny is without being worried about Danny catching his lingering stares. 

These moments are precious to him, rare as they are, and he wants nothing more than to kiss Danny once he’s awake and let his feelings be known.

But the Signal has lots of dangerous people after him, and Gnomon has started causing problems in Gotham again. So he’ll bite his tongue and keep his less platonic feelings buried under lock and key until it’s safe enough for Danny to be around him more often.

And when that time comes, he can only hope that Danny will feel the same way.

That’s all far away from the stillness of Danny’s apartment. All that matters is that he has Danny in his arms. Everything else can wait. 

For now, this is more than enough.)

[californiaquail]

was hanging out with someone today and she was talking about how she would shoot the hawks and eagles if they went after her indoor/outdoor cat and i had to struggle to keep a straight face. there is an EASY fucking solution to this problem that doesn't involve killing federally protected wildlife OR your poor damn cat. who got in a fight last night and left fur all over the place.

[icewindandboringhorror]

Lineup of all of the characters that appear long enough to need a visual representation of them in the game lol

[littlespoonevan]

ngl I personally find it incredibly weird how many people on the internet are so staunchly against syd and carmy falling in love because ‘there aren’t enough male/female friendships on tv’ when there are characters with less chemistry and less potential than them that’ve been shoved together and shipped over and over for literal decades

[demenior]

Now that we're officially 2 chapters in and hitting The Meat of the problems in Howled, I have to restrain myself from babbling in circles abt the character analysis-es I've been doing on/using for Fjord, Jester and Eadwulf bc it has been a LOT of "I know [they] would not fucking say that but what are the exact circumstances that i can put them in to make them fucking say that" and especially in relation to tossing this grenade into FJ's rock solid relationship

And also I'm so happy bc like everyone in the comments is picking up on the fact of "oh no if Fjord would just be honest about his fears this would be fine, except there's NO way he would be honest in this situation bc of who he is". My heart is so warm rn.

[arolesbianism]

Guys why is rain world so good (<- rewatched some scenes and teared up on all of them)

[shadowbannedthehedgehog]

i feel like the most affirming avoid ppl ur bad for thm thing is accidentally coming across stories of how bad coping mechs spread between friends even worse s/o esp w/ teenagers like thankfully? none of my behaviours was ever influenced by anyone irl nor the internet and i would really love to return the favour n not be anyone's reason for fucking up their life oof

[claire-starsword]

[xxsabitoxx]

Pale Blue [Part One]

Geto Suguru x AFAB Pregnant Reader

READ PART TWO HERE

Warnings: THIS FIC IS CANON COMPLIANT, if you are not caught up on Jujutsu Kaisen's manga, or at the very least if you have not seen "gojo's past" you WILL be spoiled. This story contains darker themes, heavier topics, pregnancy and all the lovely details of it, and lastly explicit sexual content. Read at your own risk!

A/N: Here it is!! Part One!! This fic is super self indulgent for me and I'm very excited for y'all to read it. The idea literally came to me in a dream like a month ago and I woke up and immediately started writing. It's been a long ass time since I've written a plot heavy fic, and it's been well over a year since I've actively planned a multiple part story and gone through with it. So, this fic is kinda like... my baby lol.

Word Count: 19k | Playlist

September 2007

Your mouth felt like chalk, hands trembling ever so slightly as you set the small wand on the countertop in your bathroom. You couldn't think straight, but that unfortunately wasn’t anything new, it had been that way for the last three weeks. Ever since he left, you had felt like your head was stuck in a fishbowl. People eyeing you with pity at the world you had been dropped into, their whispers muffled into incoherent nonsense as you walked by. Satoru was no better off, but he could at least tug his emotions off of his sleeves and place them in his heart where nobody could see them, except for you. At least you would be able to see them if he didn’t shut you out. 

Not that you had been any kinder, you had withdrawn too. 

The only one who seemed alright was Shoko, her reaction to Suguru’s deflection was nothing out of character. Not many things could shock her to her core, even something as absurd as what Suguru had done couldn’t wipe the gentle smile from her face when she saw him again. You envied her for that level of composure. You envied her for getting to see him again, just as you envied Satoru. For some reason, the man evaded you as if you were the plague. Or perhaps it looked like you were merely chasing after a ghost, a figment of your imagination. You kind of wished that it was true, that Geto Suguru had been someone you conjured up in your mind. 

But he wasn’t, he was a real, breathing human who had taken over one hundred lives…. Including his parents. The thought made your mouth taste like metal, everytime you zoned out too long and thought too hard, you’d bite your inner cheek until it bled. Three weeks later you still felt like you were moving on autopilot, the only thing that could pull you out of it would be his gentle embrace. You blinked a bit, the metallic taste coating your tongue as you unclench your jaw and look in the mirror. You hardly recognize yourself, for a moment  you think you look just like him, and it's enough to steal the little air you had in your lungs. 

You had never thought you'd experience a heartbreak as severe as this one, and you especially didn’t think it would be dealt to you by Suguru. Though you saw all of the signs, the hundreds if not thousands he put out and never let you touch. No, his cries for help were always directed at Satoru. The white haired man never seemed to catch them, and if he did, he never said a thing. Suguru had refused to acknowledge his issues when he was with you, no matter how many times you tried to sit him down and get it out. He’d change the subject and move on. 

He’d sweet-talk you, making you forget why you had been so concerned in the first place because there, for a fleeting moment, was the boy you had fallen in love with two years prior. He’d fill your mind with nothing but good things, pretty noises, good feelings. Not stopping until his name was all you could utter, not stopping until you fell asleep in his arms, content and sedated. He was a master at avoidance, trying so hard to keep things perfect just for you. You were beginning to hate him for it, but even the idea of hating him made bile burn your throat. 

You were left in emotional turmoil, love mixing with hate mixing with rage and depression. No matter how many times the word hate flashed through your mind, it was never truly directed at Suguru. Rather the jujutsu world, the things they had forced upon him, the pressure he had been made to feel. You especially felt that bubbling hate for a certain man by the name of Fushiguro Toji, who caused this whole spiral. He was long gone now, Satoru had effectively put the man down and he would not be getting back up. Though it killed you to no end that he got the easy way out. You almost wished that Satoru had kept the man alive. 

You couldn’t stomach it as your back pressed into the cold wall of your bathroom, arms folded over your chest as you stared at nothing in particular. Eyes refusing to focus on anything of importance but making a point to avoid the developing test on the counter. 

Suguru had left you a note, shortly after his final conversation with Satoru. You had returned to your dorm to see it on your bed and you recognized his handwriting before you even read your name on the envelope. You could still feel your hands trembling as you ripped the paper, flinching as it cut your skin, crumbling as tears dripped down your cheeks. You read it three times before finally comprehending the words, the paper littered with tear drops and your blood. Every word was written with care, you could hear his voice as your eyes passed over each sentence, see his face before you as if he was speaking. 

It was an apology, his resolve and a goodbye all in one. Leaving you more empty than you had felt before. Still, it sat on your nightstand, you couldn’t throw it away. As if his sweaters weren’t still hanging in your closet, like the blanket he got you wasn’t still sitting on your bed. You held onto that letter like it was the last thing you had of him. Mourning him as if he had died, like he wasn’t still alive and breathing and walking around within the very city you were in now. You almost thought it would be easier if he had died. At least you’d feel some sort of closure, knowing he’s not coming back. But this, this was a form of torture for you. 

To know that you could bump into him at a restaurant, or even pass him on a busy street. He wasn’t gone, if anything he was doing better than he ever was. Leaving you, Satoru, Shoko, and everyone else behind to pick up the shattered pieces. Still, you couldn’t hate him for that. No amount of anger would mend the torn pieces of your broken heart. You were fairly certain nothing would, the only cure was the one man you could no longer call your own. You’d spend the rest of your life with your heart ripped wide, an empty void filling the space. 

You inhaled deeply, pushing off the bathroom wall and taking a hesitant step towards the counter. The test was upside down, you couldn’t see the small little window that would show you the results, for a moment you wanted to pick it up and throw it in the trash without even looking. There was nothing stopping you from doing so either, but you held back anyways. The only reason you were taking a pregnancy test in the first place was because your period was two weeks late. You could easily chalk it up to stress, but at the same time you knew all too well that you and Suguru often went without protection. Idiot. 

Somehow, despite his inner battles, Suguru’s sex drive never slowed down. Maybe it was the craving for physical touch or maybe sex was a great way for him to forget about his issues for a while. Regardless, you had always been eager to oblige, even if it meant falling into his traps and luring your attention away from the real issue at hand. You had no idea how long it had been and if the damn thing was positive you were sure it would show up by now. So you picked it up and flipped it over in your hand, tired eyes scanning it. Your forehead creased for a moment, eyes squinting in frustration because you couldn’t tell if there was a second line or not. 

If it’s positive, it's too early to tell. Your grip tightens around the small plastic test, anger flooding your heart as you chuck it in the trash can with such force it rattles as it hits the wall. Once again you are left with uncertainty. It seemed nobody could give you a straight answer anymore. Truth be told, you weren’t sure what you wanted that test to say. The thought of being pregnant with his child would have elated you two months ago. Now the thought made your insides twist and turn, for a moment you thought you were going to puke again. At the very same time, the idea of the test being negative felt like a rug being pulled out from under you. 

As if you didn’t know that feeling well enough. 

In a twisted way, you thought that being pregnant would bring him back to you. As if it would erase every heinous crime he had committed and bring the man you loved back into your arms. You were foolish, but not foolish enough to really believe in those daydreams. You hauled yourself out of your bathroom and back into your dorm room, falling into your disheveled bed with a soft thump. His t-shirt was hanging loosely on your body, it still smells faintly of him. It’s the only shirt of his that you’d been wearing, too afraid to lose his scent on the others. 

It was still early enough for you to sleep for a few more hours before Shoko was knocking on your door and hauling you into the world. You hated it, but she assured you that you’d thank her for it in a couple months. You doubted it, and for some reason you felt like she did too. 

Your sleep was dreamless, it had been since Suguru left you. You weren’t quite sure if you were thankful for that or not. Suguru was still the last thing you thought about before falling asleep and the first thing you thought of when you woke up. His absence consumed your every thought, impossible to ignore, unable to forget. There had been a few tough nights where you dragged yourself down the hall towards Satoru’s room. The man was usually still up, sitting on his bed with a book in hand that you could tell he wasn’t reading. Just an attempt at distraction. 

He welcomes you without a word, scooting over a bit so you could sit beside him, head on his shoulder as he tosses the book to the floor. You remain like that until you fall asleep, no words spoken but nothing needed to be verbalized to understand you were both mourning the loss of a man who wasn’t even dead. In an odd way, you felt as if you were mourning Satoru as well. His smile, his jokes, the way his eyes seemed to sparkle, all of those things had dwindled. To his credit, he was managing to pull himself back together, at least better than you had been. 

A harsh knock at your door signaled that Shoko was there. You hadn’t even realized that you fell asleep, but you felt even more groggy than you had a couple hours prior. “I’m up.” It’s hoarse and unconvincing but you hear Shoko utter a small “ok”. You know she’s still there, she always waits for you to get dressed and emerge from your room yourself. If you make her wait any longer than fifteen minutes she's usually barging in herself to pull you from your bed. Your body aches as you sit up, stumbling across the room to the bathroom because you need to pee yet again. 

The air almost feels stale as you get your routine done in the bathroom, the test is still sitting in the small can beside your sink. It’s presence is heavy, to the point you question if you should take it out with you despite only having a couple tissues accompanying it. You decided against it when she knocked again. “Just getting dressed.” You mumbled softly, listening for her small “Hmph.” At least letting you know she heard you. Your uniform still felt foreign on your skin, it had for the last three weeks but you tried to ignore it. “About time.” Shoko smiled as you emerged, Satoru beside her. “Oh? You’re both here?” Your tone was questioning but not mad. 

“Yeah, Yaga said we should take the day to be normal or something like that.” Satoru drawled, circular glasses sliding down his nose as he rolled his eyes. “Us? Normal?” You snorted, pulling your door shut as Shoko began walking down the hallway. “He just doesn’t know what to do with us at the moment.” Satoru offered in a low tone, Shoko would scold him for speaking like that, especially to you. The thing is, he wasn’t saying anything that you hadn’t already thought of yourself. “I don’t know what to do with us either.” You could assume Yaga was being vigilant, the guilt of not seeing what was happening with Suguru was weighing on him too. 

The flick of Shoko’s lighter was heard as you stepped into the morning air, laughter bubbling in your chest as you looked at her. “It was killing you, wasn’t it.” Yaga had been cracking down on her bad habit, trying to limit her by saying no smoking in the dorms. “Just a little.” She teased back, inhaling deeply before blowing the gray smoke past her lips. “Shoko, gimme one.” Your eyebrow cocked as Satoru stuck his hand out. Her eyes met you for a moment before begrudgingly handing the lighter and pack to him. “New habit?” You commented softly, watching as he stuck a cylinder between his lips and held his hand up to block the flame from the wind. 

Satoru shrugged, inhaling a bit before blowing out, moving to hand the pack to you. You hesitated, the test in your dorm trash can still lingering in the back of your mind. “I’m good.” You took them anyway, handing them to Shoko. Neither of them said anything but they shared a knowing glance, they couldn’t be mad at you for trying to quit a bad habit. “So where are we going?” You didn’t like the prolonged silence as the two of them puffed away. “I didn’t think you’d want to go anywhere, but if you want we can go get breakfast.” Shoko’s eyes flickered over both you and Satoru, as if she was looking at two temperamental children. 

“Breakfast sounds good.” Satoru offered, shoving one hand in his pocket while the other plucked the cig from his lips. “It does.” You added softly, stomach turning at the very thought of food but you couldn’t let them know that. You had lost your appetite shortly after he left, but you still forced yourself to eat at least one substantial meal a day. The nausea that had settled in your gut most days usually deterred you from anything else but plain rice and maybe some soup. Still, it was food and the only thing you could keep down at that. “Alright, I’ll call for a driver and we can go get something to eat.” Shoko pulled out her phone, clicking on a number she saved. 

“You’ve been eating, right?” You jumped a little, eyes sliding over to Satoru. His tone was low, just low enough for only you to hear. “Yeah, I’ve been eating… you?” He looked the same, tall and lean with broad shoulders. Satoru nodded, pushing his glasses up to sit on the bridge of his nose. “The car will be at the gates for us in five minutes so let's get going.” Shoko started walking, like always you and Satoru followed behind her like ducklings. Satoru’s question still lingered in your mind, his ability to read your thoughts nearly rivaled Suguru. 

You had to wonder just how much those six eyes of his could see. 

The three of you clamored into the car, Satoru taking the passenger seat while you and Shoko took the back. You had no idea where you were going, not even when Shoko gave an address to the driver. It was somewhere in the city, you knew that much, but you trusted her judgment and prayed they would have something plain for your stomach. None of you spoke as the car barreled forward, your eyes glued to the surroundings zipping past you, as if you’d catch him walking down the street on a busy morning. You knew you’d always be looking for him, everywhere you went, your eyes would search for him. 

You tore your eyes from the window, glancing at Satoru in the passenger seat. You couldn’t see his eyes, but his head was turned towards the window. If you had to guess, he was doing the very same thing. Looking for someone who would never appear. Unless you were Shoko of course, you still felt your throat tighten at the thought. You knew Suguru had chosen to reveal himself to her for a couple reasons. One being that she wasn’t nearly strong enough to take him down single handedly. The other being her easy going nature, he knew there would be little to no conflict or questions to answer with her. If roles were reversed, you’d do the same. 

“Hello?” You blinked, looking at Shoko with parted lips. “You okay?” her head tilted, brown eyes lingering over your features. “I… yeah.” You swallowed, the car was still moving so you didn’t space out for that long. “What are you in the mood to eat?” She repeated the question she had asked seconds prior while you were clearly on another plane of existence. “Something plain.” You offered lamely, hands clasping together in your lap. “Plain?” Satoru questioned, eyes shifting to look at you through the rearview mirror. “My stomach has been sensitive. Plain foods are all I can really get down right now.” You shrunk into the seat. 

Shoko hummed, eyes observing you intently now. You could almost hear her silently listing all of your physical symptoms, noting in her head the various things that could cause them. Most could be answered with heartbreak, but that didn’t typically make you sensitive to certain foods. Shoko and Satoru knew of Suguru's relationship with you. They knew you were serious about each other, that you often slept in the other’s dorm depending on the day. They knew you went on dates and bought each other gifts. They knew you had long since confessed your love to one another and were not strangers to holding hands when you thought nobody was looking. 

It didn’t take a genius to figure out that the two of you slept together as well. 

~

“Quiet.” You sunk your teeth into the side of your cheek, struggling to stifle your noises as Suguru’s fingers curled inside of your tight heat. “You don’t want them to hear us, right?” he cooed again, lips ghosting the shell of your ear as he pressed you harder into the empty desk, nearly pushing it into the wall of the classroom with the ferocity of his hunger. 

You shook your head, not trusting your voice in that moment to make any coherent sounds. Your nails dug into his bicep, legs splayed hazardously over the sides of the desk as you used your free hand to brace yourself. Two fingers continued to plunge in and out of you, curling perfectly and sucking the air from your lungs as he found that one particular spot. 

Suguru watched in fascination, dark eyes glazed over as they flickered between his hand and your face. Each draw back revealed the slick shine of your arousal on his digits, each push forward was accompanied by a squelch. It made his throat tight, arousal making him feel hot all over as he continued to fuck you with his fingers. 

“Sugu…” You choked, face warming considerably as you realized how desperate you sounded. “Hmm?” a gentle hum, his fingers burying deep and massaging your walls until your thighs twitched. “I need you.” Your head fell back, hand leaving his bicep to slap over your mouth in an attempt to silence the cry that left you. “You…need me?” 

Those words were jarring to him, as if a chain of firecrackers had been ignited under his skin. You nodded, helpless and at his mercy as you prayed Satoru and Shoko wouldn’t wander off to figure out where the two of you had gone. You couldn’t quite comprehend what happened next, the sudden retreat of his fingers left you feeling empty, clearing your foggy mind for a second. 

They were quickly replaced with something else, something wet and soft. Your eyes widened considerably when you looked down to see Suguru on his knees, hands gripping the plush of your thighs with his face buried between. He would have given you more if it weren't for his damn pants, he was too impatient to struggle with the high waisted fashion choices he made. 

You couldn’t think again, mind immediately fogging over as you focused solely on Suguru’s head between your legs. The flat of his tongue licking up your folds before delving further, bumping your clit with his nose and earning a strangled noise from you. You bit down on your fist now, not hard enough to draw blood but enough to silence yourself for a bit. 

Suguru didn’t mind, if anything he wanted them to hear you. He wanted to see the shocked look on Satoru’s face when he realized what was happening. He couldn’t lie, this whole rendezvous had started because of an offhand comment Satoru made. One about how he was likely better at pleasing women than Suguru. You knew that's why you were in here too, you felt like you needed to thank Satoru for pushing Suguru to this point, whether that was his intention or not. 

Heat continued to build in your gut, if you could trust yourself to stay balanced you would have let go of the desk and buried your hand in his hair. You wanted to tug the silky black locks from the confines of the bun he always kept them in, watch them cascade around his handsome face and turn messy because of your fingers. Then again, that may make it a little too obvious to your two awaiting friends. “Sugu…” 

You gasped, hand flying from your mouth to grab the desk as you nearly lost your balance. Suguru had started to stand, knocking you back as his arms wrapped around your lower half in a bear hug. Suguru was standing at his full height now, your knees bent over his shoulders while only your mid-back and shoulders pressed into the desk. You could have melted into a puddle the moment his eyes met yours, his mouth still pressed firmly to your cunt. 

“Suguru…” You choked again, hands moving to grip the sides of the desk for some kind of grounding. You could feel him smirk, eyes burning into yours as his tongue lavished you. It was all too much, too lewd, too risky. Your orgasm was building faster than you anticipated, the tingling arousal shooting down your spine and making your legs tense as he teased you. You came with a choked cry of his name, eyes squeezing shut as you rode out your orgasm. 

~

“We’re here.” You blinked, eyes scanning your surroundings as Satoru got out of the car. “Are you sure you’re okay? We can get the food to go and head back to campus.” Shoko’s words were out of concern but her tone was still relaxed. “I’m alright, I could use some time in a busy space.” You lied, the quiet of your dorm room had never sounded so inviting. “Thank you.” You muttered softly to the driver, his small smile told you he was well aware of what was going on. Satoru was already by the front door of the cafe, putting out the butt of his cigarette on a nearby trash can before dropping it in. Shoko did the same, following after you as you entered. 

Satoru’s looks tended to come in handy, his glasses sliding down his nose to show the startling blue of his eyes was all that was needed to get the three of you a seat and bypass the wait. “At least you’re good for something.” You teased him, watching him roll his eyes before smiling. “It’s my duty to get the two of you quick service and good food, even if I have to whore myself out.” For some reason, that had laughter bubbling in your chest, the genuine kind. “Such a noble sacrifice.” You laughed, the menu in your hand shaking as your shoulders bounced. You were too distracted to see the way Satoru’s shoulders seemed to sag in relief as he watched you, for a moment it was like nothing had changed.

If it weren't for the gaping, empty space in the booth beside him, he would have been convinced. 

“What are you going to get, Shoko?” She was the only one actively looking over the menu. “I’m not sure yet, but they do have some options that would be easy on your stomach.” You weren’t sure why but it made your heart ache just a bit, she had been more concerned over your meal than her own. At the very same time, it made you feel small, like you were a bit of a nuisance for having stomach issues… or whatever they were… in the first place. “Oh, alright.” You focused on the menu, aware of their eyes on you as you tried to find something small but appealing. You settled on tamagoyaki and asked for it to be made on the salty side rather than sweet. 

Shoko went for a traditional meal as well while Satoru ventured into their “western” cuisine. His choice sounded so sweet that the thought of it made your teeth hurt. “I don’t know how you do it, Satoru.” you sipped your tea slowly, letting the hot liquid slide down your throat and settle in your stomach. He only shrugged, smiling softly “I’ve yet to find something too sweet for me to handle.” Normally he would have added something flirty but he decided against it. Despite knowing you and Suguru were a couple, it never stopped Satoru’s flirtatious comments. It only bothered Suguru a little bit but he knew his best friend would never cross that kind of line. 

“You may go into cardiac arrest before you meet your match, Satoru.” Shoko snorted, sipping her coffee as she took in the surroundings of the busy cafe. For a moment, you wondered if she was doing what you and Satoru had been subconsciously doing for the last three weeks. “I keep waiting for him to appear.” Your tone was just barely above a whisper, as if even bringing up his existence would cause the world to implode around you. “Me too.” Shoko spoke softly, eyes still looking anywhere but the two of you. Satoru kept quiet, face unusually somber as he sipped his coffee. “I think I’ll eventually go insane.” 

You tried to sound lighthearted but the crack in your voice gave the opposite effect. 

Satoru’s eyes flickered up at that, making your shoulders shrink into the booth. You had quickly come to learn that both of your friends were treating you like fragile porcelain. Though you partially felt the same when talking to them, especially Satoru. Despite the frequent and long nights with each other, little to no words were ever spoken. “I’m fine.” You tried, voice a little stronger than before. “We can talk about these things without falling apart.” It sounded like you were trying to convince yourself more than them. Before anyone could speak, the waiter was walking over with your food, effectively stopping any further discussion. 

“Satoru…” You choked as the waiter walked away, eyes focused on the sugary, gooey concoction on the plate before him. “That’s your ticket to the ER.” Shoko was gawking at it too, a bite of food already halfway to her mouth. Satoru, on the other hand, looked like a kid on christmas morning, glasses sliding down his nose with a smile on his face. Your stomach grumbled as he cut into the pancakes, the feeling making you jump just a bit. You actually felt hungry, mouth watering as you looked down at your own plate and moved to take a bite. 

Silence fell over the table as you all ate, within minutes half of your food was gone and you were quietly wishing you had ordered something a little bigger.

“You need a napkin.” You laughed softly, handing Satoru your spare napkin so he could wipe the syrup off of his cheek. “Thanks.” For some reason you couldn't help but think he looked like a little kid. For another reason you couldn’t quite explain, it made sadness sink into your shoulders. He should be here with the three of you, eating and laughing and bringing you the comfort you always looked for in him. Your hands shook as you moved to eat more, not willing to let the surge of emotion get rid of the appetite you rarely had nowadays. 

As you finished your plate, you felt the bubbling wave of nausea build in your stomach. You inhaled slowly, trying to find a way to ease your worries and keep your food down. “Are you okay? You look a little green.” Shoko eyed you with concern, not even a second later Satoru was signaling the waiter for the check. “Y-yeah… told you my stomach was sensitive. That’s the most I've eaten at once in the last three weeks.” You couldn’t stand the embarrassment of making a scene or wasting money on the food you had just consumed. “I’ll be back.” You slipped out of the booth, your friend’s concerned eyes zeroing in on you as you disappeared for the bathroom. 

Luckily for you the bathroom was empty, the fluorescent lights making you flinch as you stumbled to the sink and turned the water on cold. You leaned over it, hands and wrists submerged under the running stream, chest heaving with the effort to remain calm. You were desperate to keep the food down, so desperate you could feel sweat forming on your temple as you tried to focus on anything but the nausea. Suguru’s face flashed through your mind and for a moment you were convinced your knees would give out from under you. 

~

“I told you to take it easy.” He huffs softly, fingers running through your hair as he rakes it away from your face. Carefully, he’s looping one of his elastics around your hair to keep it in place. Your head is still buried in the toilet, you had just finished throwing up for the third time in the last hour. “Are you still with me?” His hand is on your back now, rubbing slow but deliberate circles. Feebly you give him a thumbs up, throat burning from the sting of alcohol coming back up. 

“You didn’t eat much today and then you went and got shit-faced with Shoko.” Suguru stated the obvious, trying not to scold you because he knew you weren’t doing good right now. “I don’t think you have anything else to puke up, do you want some water?” You lifted your head now, reaching for toilet paper to wipe your mouth. “Water sounds good.” Your voice was weaker than Suguru had expected it to sound, his heart aching a bit as he sat beside you on the bathroom floor. 

“I’ll be right back, okay? Just yell if you get scared and I’ll be by your side before you know it.” You nodded, thanking him softly as he got up and disappeared out of your bathroom. You were only seventeen at the time, acting far older than you were and thinking you could get away with it. Now, you are facing the consequences of being naive. Typical for someone your age. Suguru had returned in under two minutes, handing you a glass of room temperature water. “It’ll be easier on your stomach at this temperature.” He chuckled as you grimaced. 

He moved to grab a washcloth from your cabinet, turning the sink water on cold. “And this…” he wrung it out twice before turning off the water “will help focus your attention on something other than the nausea.” He placed the cloth on the back of your neck, watching your shoulders sag in relief as something finally cooled your clammy skin. “Thanks, Sugu.” 

~

“Sugu… I’m scared.” Your voice was barely audible, tears burning your eyes as you squeezed them shut. Somehow it was working, your pain outshining the nausea as you tried to stop yourself from sobbing in the middle of the restroom. A year had passed since that moment in time, you were only eighteen now and yet you felt as if you had grown a decade. Yet, you were reduced to a scared and crying child because of nausea. Get it together. You forced yourself to straighten, hands slightly numb under the current of cold water. 

You forced yourself to make eye contact with your reflection, observing how stark the dark circles were under your eyes. Shoko had been right, you did look a bit green, but it was fading steadily as everything subsided. You let your hands sit under the water for a minute longer before bending over the sink and splashing some on your face. The door to the restroom opened as you straightened again, Shoko was looking at you with worry. “Did you get sick?” you shook your head, turning the water off and reaching for the paper towels. 

“Managed to fight it off… for now.” 

“Satoru paid already, there is a convenient store a couple shops down. We can get you some nausea meds and a barf bag for the ride back… just in case.” You nodded, smiling a bit. “That would probably be a good idea.” you followed her out of the bathroom and through the restaurant, Satoru was standing on the sidewalk with a new cigarette between his lips. “Damn, you really did develop a new habit.” He only shrugged, inhaling deeply before blowing more out. “I’ll get over it at some point.” Knowing him and his will-power, he probably would. 

“I’ll call for the driver, Satoru take her to the convenient store and I’ll catch up.” Satoru nodded, saluting her with a quick “yes ma’am” before grabbing your hand and dragging you along. You didn’t speak until Shoko was out of earshot. “Do you think it’s going to get better?” You appreciated the weight of his hand in yours, though you were certain he could feel how clammy it was. “I think it’ll get more bearable with time.” not better, but tolerable. The thought had your chest feeling heavy as you stepped inside of the small store. 

“Nausea meds and barf bags.” Satoru chuckled, reading the signs above each aisle until he spotted one that seemed like a good start. “You’ll have to see a doctor if this doesn’t ease up… how long has it been going on anyways?” You shuffled behind him, arms crossing due to him letting them go a moment prior. “Shortly after he left, after I found the letter.” Only Satoru knew about the letter that had been left behind. How Suguru managed to get back onto campus and leave it in your dorm was beyond him. You had even let him read it, breaking his heart again. 

“Shoko!” Satoru called, noticing her walk down the aisle before you could even turn your head. “I’m not good with this stuff, what should we get?” Satoru had already grabbed a box of blue cylindrical barf bags for you but the actual meds were basically foreign to him. “I’ll handle it from here, Satoru. You can wait in the car, he should be upfront by now.” Satoru’s brows furrowed, so did yours, but the look in Shoko’s eyes had him shrugging and handing the box to you. “Alright then, I’ll see ya out there.” 

He whistled as he strolled by, your eyes narrowing on Shoko. “What’s this about?” you watched her shuffle through the shelves, picking up one and reading the box before setting it down and moving onto the next. “I don’t know what you mean.” She commented offhandedly, plucking another box and reading it before sighing. “This one should work.” She turned, handing it to you while motioning you to follow her down the aisle. You read it over, nothing out of the ordinary so you truly couldn’t figure out what made this one different from the others. 

You stopped short when Shoko did, eyes scanning the aisle and feeling your stomach drop. “Shoko–” You sighed, she was standing in front of the pregnancy tests. “Listen, I know it’s probably the last thing you want to even think about but I think you should take one.” She was grabbing a box of the cheap tests, the same test that was still residing in the trash can of your bathroom. “Shoko, it's not necessary.” You couldn't bring yourself to tell her you already took one, for some reason you couldn’t tell her it was negative either. 

“I’ll buy them, and you’ll keep them. If this nausea doesn’t subside in like two weeks, I’m forcing you to take them.” You felt your face burning, clutching the nausea meds tightly in your hands as you looked away from her. “Fine.” You sighed, head tilted at her shoes as you followed her up front to the register. Everything was placed neatly in a brown bag so nobody could see the contents. Once in the car, you popped open the barf bags just to keep one ready in the event your nausea returned full force. “I figured you would forget this.” 

You looked up to see Satoru handing you a bottle of water, your lips parting in surprise. “You know me well, Satoru. I did forget.” you took it from him, grabbing the box of nausea meds and ripping them open. You took them and sighed, gulping down water when you realized how thirsty you had been. “If we have nothing else to do today, I think I’ll take a nap.” You were aching for your bed, more tired now than you had been after any missions. “Alright but we’ll wake you up for dinner if we don’t hear from you.” Shoko smiled, cracking the window to light a cig. 

“It’s not even 11am yet.” you snorted. “Yeah but you can sleep like the dead when you really need it, if we don’t wake you, you’ll sleep straight through till tomorrow.” You opened your mouth to deny it, about to use your frequent bathroom breaks as an excuse but stopped yourself. Saying that would only confirm the very thing Shoko was suspicious of. “Alright, fine, whatever.” You resigned with a playful huff, arms crossing as you turned to look out the window. Luckily for you, you managed to make it through the ride without needing to use the bag. 

“I’ll see you later.” You called after them, waving as you headed for the dorms. They both waved back, finding shade under a tree to enjoy more of the sunny morning. You felt your shoulders sagging with each step, your social battery diminished far faster now that Suguru wasn’t always by your side. You had almost grown a bit too dependent on him, thinking he would be a constant in your life. You inhaled shakily, the brown bag crumbling between your fingers as your emotions bubbled to the surface yet again. You couldn't seem to get yourself to your dorm fast enough, hot tears slipping down your cheeks as you shoved the key in the lock. 

It came in heavy waves, making you feel weak as you could only succumb to the sadness festering in your chest. You dropped the bag by the door, kicking off your shoes and shouldering off your uniform jacket. Moving on autopilot, you drew your curtains shut and took off the rest of your clothing, sliding his shirt over your head until you were enveloped in his scent. You were gasping for air by the time your body hit the mattress, curling in on yourself as you sobbed. “I miss you.” You hiccuped, rubbing your eyes as if it would stop the tears. 

God dammit, Suguru, why did you have to do this?

You buried your head in your pillow, trying to drown out your own feelings before sadness turned to anger and you ripped your whole room apart because of it. 

~

“Stop wiggling so much.” His voice sounded like gravel, rumbling the back of your head as he spoke. “Can’t help it.” You retorted, trying your best to settle into a comfortable position. Suguru had you wrapped in a bear hug, his favorite form of affection, especially since he knew you couldn’t get out of his grasp. His arms were covered in thick muscles, something you initially didn't expect because his uniform and choice of baggy clothing typically hid them.

 You could use all your strength and his grip wouldn’t falter.  

“Why not?” he mumbled again, if you had to guess, his eyes were closed as he spoke. “Cause it’s warm, Sugu.” you were both laying on top of the covers, little to no clothing on because of the heat and the broken air conditioning that the school was still trying to fix. Nothing but an old fan swiveling side to side to create some sort of relief. Still, Suguru couldn’t sleep unless you were pressed flush to him, warm or not. “It’s not that bad.” 

“Oh it absolutely is.” you immediately countered, turning your head back to try and look at him. “It could be way worse.” he tried again, fingers thrumming against your side. “Yeah, it could, but it could also be better. Like if you let me go for example.” You wiggled a bit, trying to create space before he pulled you tightly to him again. “Nice try, it’s not happening.” You groaned, going limp in his arms as he began to laugh. “I could totally make it worse for you.” He added softly, lips ghosting your ear. Despite the heat, you shivered. 

“The weirdest things turn you on, Sugu.” 

“Hey, it’s not nice to call yourself weird.” 

You slapped his arm, earning another rumble of laughter as he moved to hover over you. “C’mon, if I make you sweat, it’ll make the breeze from the fan feel colder.” You rolled your eyes, studying his features as he looked down at you, hair framing his face and ghosting yours. “That’s counterproductive, you know.” Your hands were running up his biceps anyway, moving to wrap around his neck and pull him close to you. “Maybe it is, but you can’t say I’m wrong.” 

His head was lowering, giving into your pull with no hesitation. “You’re right, I can’t say you’re wrong. But… I want to.” You smile, pulling him further until your lips melt together. He was radiating warmth, his teeth grazing your bottom lip to ask for entrance. Your lips parted, hands snaking up into his hair and tugging at the strands until he groaned. Suguru braced himself on one hand, making the mattress dip just by your head. The rest of his weight was settled on his knees, caging your hips in so you truly couldn’t get away from him. Not that you wanted too now. 

You felt small beneath him, his bare skin radiating warmth as he used his free hand to push your shirt up. You could ignore the heat for the time being, more focused on the steady beating from between your thighs. “Sugu…” You parted with a gasp, watching him lean up and pull you with him, allowing him to drag your shirt over your head and toss it to the floor before pushing you down again. His lips didn’t return to yours, instead they moved to your neck, kissing along your pulse point until you were whining. “Quiet, baby, don’t forget we’re in my room.” 

Satoru was asleep next door, that realization set in like ice water being dumped over your head. “Suguru.” You choked as his head dipped lower, licking along your collarbone before moving to one of your breasts. He wasn’t going to answer you, and you knew that for a fact by the way his lips curled into a smirk against your skin. “You’re evil.” You gasped, hand fisting his hair tightly as he scraped his teeth along your breast, nipping at the soft skin. Your other hand found its home on his shoulder, nails scratching lightly as his muscles flexed under your grasp. 

You sunk your teeth into your cheek when his lips wrapped around your perked nipple, arousal making it pebble slightly as he sucked. Suguru’s tongue lavished your skin, flicking the bud until your back was arching into his touch. It wasn’t nearly enough, your breath coming out in short pants as you tried to pry him off and focus on your other breast. “These would look so pretty if they were full of milk.” You choked, eyes wide as he looked up at you through his lashes. “Don’t you think?” You couldn’t breathe for a moment, stunned into silence by his comment. 

“C’mon baby, don’t act so shocked.” He cooed softly, the tip of his tongue trailing up your sternum. He didn’t stop until he reached your lips, kissing them softly before dipping his head again. His hand toyed with the breast he had just teased endlessly, brown eyes observing the rate of your breathing before lowering onto your other breast. He repeated the same motions, nipping and sucking the senstive skin until you were squirming from the wetness between your legs.

“You haven't answered me, sweetheart.”

“B-because I don’t know how to answer that, Sugu.” You knew exactly what he was implying, but you couldn’t form a coherent response for him. “You just have to tell me if you agree, it’s pretty simple.” He chuckled, pushing himself up to look down at you. Your hands fell to your sides, his neck just out of your reach. “Just think about it, pretty girl.” You watched him, completely entranced as he pulled his briefs down and his erection sprang free. “Because I’ve been thinking about it a lot.” 

“You have?” You sat up a bit, fingers shakily pulling off your own underwear to save time. “I have.” He confirmed, cheeks turning a shade of red that you could see even in the moonlight. His hand slid along his length, spreading the precum drooling from his tip while his boxers rested at his mid-thigh. “Take those off, Sugu.” You smiled a bit, reaching for the waistband and pulling them taut before letting them snap back against his thigh. “So demanding.” He snorted, letting himself go to push the material off, tossing it to the floor just as you had done with your underwear. 

“So are you, demanding an answer for something so…so…” you couldn’t find the right words, not when his eyes were on you, devouring you whole. “…so what? How does it make you feel?” He redirected, pumping himself leisurely as your thighs fell open for him, still supporting yourself on your elbows as you waited. “How does what make me feel?” A stupid question but you were still reeling from the initial statement. Suguru laughed, hand still gliding over his length as he sat on his knees.

“How does it feel knowing I think about getting you pregnant… all the fucking time.” You couldn’t deny the thought made you feel hot, hotter than you felt from the heat and arousal mixing. Like molten lava was running its way through your bloodstream. “F-feels fucking…” you squirmed a bit, legs moving to close involuntarily until his hand shot out and stopped them. “Go on, pretty girl. Tell me.” You sat up, glaring at him with warm cheeks. “How about you fuck me. Then, maybe, I’ll tell you how I feel about your little fantasies.” Suguru groaned, head falling forward for a moment. 

“Sounds like a good deal to me.” He moved forward, pressing you back into the mattress as he pulled your thighs towards him. Your lips found his neck, sucking on it harshly as he ran the dull head of his cock between your slick folds. You let him move you however he pleased, your legs being pushed almost painfully to your chest as he pressed into you. You gasped in unison, his cock stretching you open easily despite no prep. “Shit…” his head fell forward again, nearly bumping yours as he bottomed out, no space left between the two of you. 

Suguru stayed in place, eyes shut as he focused on the way your walls fluttered and squeezed around him, unable to stay still. Your nails dug into his scalp, pulling a groan from his lips as you tried to relax but couldn’t. He was big, bigger than any fling or partner you had in the past. No matter how easily your cunt accepted him, it still stung for the first few seconds. You had grown to love the deep ache, the weight of him inside you, the way his tip would brush your cervix depending on the position. Like now, with your legs pressed so tightly to your body. 

“Can I move?” his voice was soft, eyes peering into your own once he gained his composure. “Y-yeah.” You breathed out, the feeling of his hands on your skin still sent shockwaves of arousal through you. Especially when his grip tightened, bracing himself on you as he drew his hips back half way before rolling into you again. You moaned, eyes squeezing shut as Suguru found his rhythm, hips meeting yours with a soft slap. “D-Don’t forget Satoru is…” You wailed softly, pleasure building quickly as he moved. “I know…” 

But the smirk on his face told you he no longer cared, he’d gladly listen to his white-haired best friend bitch and moan in the morning about being woken up by you. Suguru’s rhythm only sped up, hips angling perfectly to brush along that one particular spot as he thrust into you, cock head brushing your cervix every few thrusts until your vision was blurring. The pleasure ebbing through your body was more than enough to block out how uncomfortable your current position was. 

A wet squelch started to emit between your legs, loud enough to be heard over the drone of the fan as Suguru pounded into you. “So…” he started, voice strained as sweat dripped down his temple. “... can you tell me how it makes you feel now?” You blinked, awestruck that he was still hooked on getting an answer from you. “S-suguru…” you whined, head falling further into the pillows. “I’m not letting it go…ha… Tell me how it makes you feel.” he ground out, hips slowing just a bit. When you didn’t speak, he pressed more of his weight into you so one hand could break free. 

You moaned, loud and unrestrained as his fingers ghosted across your swollen clit, the sudden contact making you see stars. “Tell me how it makes you feel.” he repeated, watching your face go slack as his fingers and hips worked in tandem. “Makes me hot…” You admitted with a heavy breath, eyes struggling to focus on him. “I want you to do it, Sugu… fuck me till I’m pregnant.” The look on his face had you shrinking further into the mattress, an almost animalistic look taking over his eyes as he stopped moving all together. “Say it again.” 

“I want you to fuck me ‘til I’m pregnant, Suguru.”  

~

You woke up in a sweat, gasping for air as you stumbled out of bed and barreled to the bathroom. You couldn’t stop the nausea this time, knees hitting the tile floor with bruising force as you heaved into the toilet. You hadn’t even remembered falling asleep, but your dream was enough to send you into a death spiral. Tears burned your eyes as the little bit of breakfast you hadn’t digested came back up. Luckily for you, you had slept long enough that your food from this morning wasn’t a total loss. Nothing more than bile was left as you finally calmed down. 

You reached for toilet paper, wiping your tears and blowing your nose until you could at least breath without difficulty. Aching, you got up, flushing the toilet and washing your hands and face. You had no idea what time it was but you assumed it wasn’t late enough for dinner if Shoko never came to wake you up. At least that’s what you thought as you stumbled back into your dorm room slightly sweaty. That’s odd… The sun had begun to set just beyond your window, your eyes flickering to your alarm clock. 7:23pm stared back at you in big red numbers. 

I slept for over eight hours? You looked for your phone, seeing the missed text from Shoko. 

Shoko: I decided against waking you up, I figured you could use the sleep. Just text me when you’re awake and I can bring you dinner

You were partially grateful for her decision, your face still warm as your dream lingered in your mind. Dreaming of the past, how cliche. You sighed, sitting on the edge of your bed. You had woken up so suddenly, adrenaline blocking out the sleepiness at first. Now, your body seemed to thrum with a dull ache, the headrush coming back around to kick you while you were down. You reached over to turn on the small lap residing on your nightstand, eyes squinting for a moment as you adjusted. Your eyes focused on the brown bag from earlier, the one you discarded on your floor after coming back. 

You knew there was water in there still, so you got up and grabbed it, looking at the bag contents in disdain. You emptied it on your desk, nausea meds, barf bags and the box of pregnancy tests. You studied then as you gulped down some of the water, easing the burn in your throat. The pregnancy tests Shoko had insisted on were identical to the one you took this morning. Weirdly enough you wished she had grabbed the more expensive digital ones. That way you wouldn't have to strain yourself trying to figure out if a second line was present or not. 

“Fuck it.” you sighed, dropping the now empty water bottle in the small barrel you kept beside your desk. You still had one more test in the box from this morning, you’d take another one just because of the memories lingering on your mind. Your face felt warm as you recalled that particular night from a few months back. Suguru had been pretty adamant after that, fucking you raw and in ernest with every intention of knocking you up. You, stupidly, let him because you love him and loved the idea of having a family with him. “Idiot.” 

You scolded yourself again, ripping the foil wrapper and tossing it in your trash with the now empty box. You went through the same process as you did that morning, peeing into a cup and dipping the absorbent end into it for ten seconds before capping it and discarding the rest of the contents. You forced yourself to leave the bathroom this time, convinced it would make time go by faster. The text Shoko had sent was still left unanswered, you couldn’t even bring yourself to feel hungry at that moment in time. 

You’d text her in a little while though, or else she’d likely come breaking your door down thinking you had run away. Just then, your phone vibrated with the ringtone you had set for Satoru. You grabbed it, flipping it open to see what he had to say. On the screen there was a message from him, asking if you wanted to hang out on the rooftop to watch the stars later on. You smiled a bit, it was rare for Satoru to ask things so formally. You clicked out a message, telling him yes and that you could use some fresh air. 

It took him no time at all to send a happy emoticon, one that had you rolling your eyes as you typed back that you’d meet him at his dorm when you were ready. You backed out of the chat, eyes lingering on a particular contact, your message to him was naturally left unanswered. You had given up texting Suguru’s number when the messages no longer got delivered. You figured he’d discard his phone, throw away any direct contact he had with the three of you. You snapped your phone shut a moment later, you’d text Shoko after you got dressed.

Opening your closet was still proving to be a bit difficult, especially as your fingers trailed over the material of the clothing Suguru had kept in your room. They smelt like the laundry detergent he used as well as his cologne, it took your breath away for a moment. You forced yourself away, grabbing some comfortable clothes that were actually yours before shutting the door. You didn’t think you’d ever be able to discard his clothing, despite knowing he wasn’t coming back to you. 

You pulled his shirt over your head, grabbing your own and replacing it. You pulled on a pair of shorts after, rubbing your face with your hands as you looked at your appearance in the mirror. No amount of sleep seemed to help the dark circles under your eyes or the sickly look to your complexion. You could only hope Satoru was right, with time it would become more manageable. You glanced at your alarm clock, 7:48pm stared back at you now. The sky outside your window had turned indigo, the sun minutes away from being completely out of sight. The summer was coming to an end, filling your chest with melancholy.

You couldn’t stand being alone in that moment, grabbing your phone and shoving it in your pocket as you made a beeline for your door. You made your way down the hall, remembering as you passed Shoko’s dorm that you needed to text her. Stopping in your tracks, you figured it would just be easier to see her in person. “Shoko?” you called, fingers tapping the door softly because she hated when people knocked too loud. “Coming.” You heard her rustling around her room before the door opened, a half smoked cigarette hanging from her lips. 

“Thought Yaga told you no smoking inside.”  

“What he doesn’t know won’t kill him, and my window is open.” 

You smiled, “I’m hanging out with Satoru on the roof if you wanna join us.” Shoko exhaled, puffing just a bit of smoke in your direction. “I’d love to but I spent the whole afternoon with him ‘cause you were sleeping.” You sighed, rubbing the back of your neck “my bad.” but Shoko was waving you off. “Don’t apologize, you need sleep… I’ll trust Satoru to feed you if you’re hungry.” She smiled as you rolled your eyes “Alright alright, enjoy the rest of your bad habit and I’ll take Satoru duty.” The look in Shoko’s eyes made your smile falter for just a moment. 

They looked oddly wistful, but it vanished just as quickly as your smile faltered. “Aye aye captain.” Shoko started to shut the door as you turned to leave, watching you go for just a moment before shutting it completely. “Satoru.” You drawled, banging on his door so you could be heard over the music he was playing. “Oi, keep it down!” the door swung open a moment later, a cheeky grin on his face as he looked at you. “Ready to go?” He looked cozy in an oversized black hoodie and sweats, sunglasses resting on top of his head. 

“Sure am.” you returned his smile, the ache in your chest easing just a bit. It was more bearable when you had someone who understood the pain you felt deeper than surface level. You watched him turn, shutting off his music and the lights before stepping into the hallway. “Are we going to take the normal way or are you going to test out your blue?” Satoru’s eyes seemed to sparkle as you suggested he use his curse technique. “If you insist on blue…” You couldn’t even make a sound as his arm wrapped around your waist, hauling you off of your feet. 

In the blink of an eye, you were exposed to the cooling night air. “Damn.” You laughed as he set you down, shuffling over to the small lock box you kept up here with spare blankets and, as Shoko claimed, “necessities”...Which were just two cartons of emergency cigarettes. “Didn’t disorient you, right?” Satoru was standing on the edge, observing the glow of the city in the distance. “Not even a little, you’ve improved a lot, Satoru.” your back was turned to him, so you missed the way his eyes widened slightly, cheeks turning pink. 

“Thanks” 

You turned back to him, blankets in hand. “So…” You walked over to where he was standing, taking a seat just before the edge and letting your legs dangle off. “...So?” Satoru looked down at you, watching you settle. “Why did you want to come up here… I’d love to gaze at the stars but it’s not like we’ll actually see any with all the light pollution.” Satoru sighed, dropping down to squat beside you. “I guess I just wanted your company… ya know since you’re probably the only other person that understands this.” his tone was awkward, it wasn’t often that you were sentimental… or serious for that matter… with each other. 

“Your welcome to have my company any time, Satoru. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have you.” It was so heartfelt it made you feel strange. “Sorry.” You added, a bit meeker than before when he stiffened a bit. “Don’t be sorry, just not used to being so… serious with you.”  He sat fully now, shoulder brushing yours as a silent invitation for you to rest your head. You did, just as you always had, watching the lights of the city a few miles away. “It’s strange, isn’t it?” You spoke in a gentle tone, hoping he knew what you meant. 

“It is. Knowing he’s there, that he’s okay… while we’re sitting here sulking like idiots.” There was a small bite to his tone as he finished, one that quickly left when he exhaled. “It pisses me off.” It made you upset too, anger bubbling in the back of your mind like a pot of boiling water that was going to overflow at any second. “It pisses me off too, because I truly can’t understand it. I’ve killed myself over the last three weeks trying to understand, to make sense of it. I can’t and I don’t think I ever will. But it’s not my place to reason with it, you know?” 

Satoru was silent, waiting for you to continue. “It’s not my life, it’s his. I tried for months to get it out of him, I tried so goddamn hard to get him to open up and he never did. Always redirecting, always avoiding.” You sounded defeated by the end, blinking away the tears that blurred your vision so you could regain composure. “Why didn’t you come to me?” Satoru questioned softly, letting your words sink in like an anchor. 

“He gave you so many signs, Satoru. If you couldn’t see them, it wasn’t my place to assist.” 

Satoru felt like that should have made him angry, but it didn’t. Mostly because you were right, it had been obvious from the start but he had naively pushed them to the side, pretending it wasn’t true. He was just as much at fault, if anything he was willing to shoulder all of the blame. Because at least you tried. He couldn’t say the same, and he knew that far too well. “Suguru made up his mind the moment he entered that village. There is no stopping a man who is set in their resolve. You said it yourself, Satoru. He looked healthier, happier, content.” 

Satoru took in a shaky breath, leaning into you just as you leaned into him. “I just don’t get why he needed to kill his parents.” Your eyes closed, that was the thought weighing heaviest on your mind. “He needed to prove to himself that he was doing the right thing. That nobody, not even his parents, were an exception to his newfound ideology.” It killed you to say it, especially since you had met his parents last winter break. They were kind, at least his mother was. His father was a bit colder but there was still an undeniable love for his son. They had welcomed you so openly, they were proud of the son they had raised. 

Now they were gone, nobody but Suguru was to blame. 

“In a fucked up way, I don’t care that he killed those people.” The words felt bitter on your tongue, but his letter flashed through your mind and for a moment you understood him. Those two little girls, beaten and caged, scared and facing death for things they never did. Hell, had you gone on the mission with him, you may have encouraged his choices. That realization felt weird as it settled in your gut. “I… I don’t really care either.” Satoru admitted softly, thinking back over the last year, thinking about Amanai. He had been seconds away from doing the same thing. 

But Suguru had been his voice of reason, stopping him with a simple command. It should have been obvious then, that Suguru’s life was completely altered from that moment forward. “It was so obvious.” He hissed softly, head falling forward just a bit as anger squeezed his heart. “There is nothing we can do now, Satoru. Nothing we can do will reverse the damage that has been done.” You wished you could believe your own words, part of you wanted to catch a train into the city and barrel into that religious group he took over. 

You weren’t even sure what you’d do if you did. Hit him, yell at him? Crumple into his arms like the sucker you were. Maybe a mix of all three, no, it would definitely be a mix of all three. You couldn’t help but wonder how he would react if he saw you again. He made it clear in his letter that he loved you, he still loved you, he would always love you. If you made the choice to leave, would he welcome you in with open arms. Or was he resenting you already for not doing so sooner. Was he waiting for you? Or was it nothing more than sweet-talk. 

“You’re not breathing.” Satoru muttered softly, tilting his head just a bit to look down at you. “Oh…” You inhaled deeply, laughing a bit  as you exhaled “got lost in thought.” You felt Satoru relax again, head resting against yours. “I get it.” You fell into a comfortable silence, watching as the sky steadily turned from a deep blue to pitch black. There, if you squint hard enough, you could make out a couple of sparkling stars. 

You knew if you asked, Satoru could probably whisk you somewhere far away. Somewhere clear so you could actually see the stars with no obstructions. 

Yet you were too comfortable, too warm. 

Sitting where you were now was more than enough for the time being. That feeling of content actually took the air from your lungs for a moment, blinking steadily as you took in your surroundings. There was a fleeting moment where your heart felt light, that aching heaviness that had been plaguing it for the last three weeks wasn’t present. You wondered quietly if Satoru felt it too. Given the way his body seemed completely relaxed into yours, you assumed he did. 

~

You were stumbling down the hall like a drunkard. Your mind felt numb as you moved, head tilted down and expression blank. If anyone were to cross your path at that given moment, they probably would have been unsettled by the sight of you. A zombie moving on autopilot, your brain moving so quickly that it had reduced everything to a quiet, droning buzz. 

Murder. 112 people. His parents too. He’s gone. He snapped. He’s a murderer. Suguru is gone. 

Nothing made sense, not a single bit of the information you had received made any sense. The fact that Suguru wasn’t answering your frequent texts wasn't making sense. The fact that you had woken up to an empty bed wasn’t making sense. The fact that people were telling you Suguru, your Suguru, had taken over a hundred lives in the span of one night wasn’t making any fucking sense. 

Your knees nearly gave out the moment your hand met the wood of your door, pushing it open so quickly it slammed into the wall with a loud thud before coming back at you. Not that you cared, at that moment you could be set on fire and you wouldn’t blink an eye. 

You stood in the middle of your dorm room, eyes scanning the room as if it were something foreign. Nothing was making sense, not even your bed looked like your own. It was the pressure cracking down on you already, sinking its claws into your shoulders and forcing you to your knees as the weight of your new reality hit you like a freight train. You couldn’t even bring yourself to cry in that moment, too shell shocked over the report Yaga had read to you and Satoru. 

Satoru. 

You had stumbled away shortly after the report was finished, barely registering the way he had started to yell. You hadn’t looked back, but it wasn’t like either of them tried to stop you. Despite having just stumbled away from him, you found yourself moving to leave and find him again. At least you would have if your knees didn’t give out on you. You gasped, more out of surprise than pain as your legs made contact with the wooden floor. You sat there for a moment, arms feeling equally as weak as you pushed yourself into a sitting position. 

You felt your chest tighten, every breath felt strangled as you tried to inhale. A cold sweat seemed to cover your skin, fingers shaking slightly as you pushed your hair from your face. You couldn’t move, completely paralyzed by shock. It felt like your heart was shattering, every shaky inhale deepening the wound. Still, your tears would not come. Not even as black spots began to obstruct your vision, chest heaving as you began to hyperventilate. 

Despite your body vibrating in distress, you felt a nearly silent calm. Like someone had flicked off the switch and stole your ability to hear.

Nothing and everything all at once. 

~

“Hey? Y/N wake up…” You jumped a bit, hand coming up to touch the wetness on your cheeks. “You were crying in your sleep.” Satoru muttered softly, hand smoothing over your hair as he cradled you. “I-I was?” You didn’t even realize the change in position or the change in scenery. You were no longer sitting by the roof’s edge, instead you were sitting in Satoru’s lap, his arms holding you tightly as he looked at you with worry. 

“You were.” he confirmed, letting you go just as you woke up fully. “Sorry for worrying you, I was just thinking about him… it’s so strange. I’ve been having such intense dreams of the past… I've had dreamless sleep for the last three weeks… so why now?” Satoru sighed, watching you get up to stand and stretch your limbs. “I don’t know. I’ve been having odd dreams about him but I don’t really remember how most of them go by the time I wake up.”

“It’s the universe’s way of torturing us… as if we haven’t been tortured enough. Wait, how long have I been asleep?” The temperature had dropped significantly, the moon was shining high in the sky now. “About an hour or so, I was actually going to bring you back inside but you started to cry and… well here we are now.” Satoru got up, stretching dramatically as you sighed. “You’d think after sleeping for eight hours I wouldn't be tired.” 

You walked to the edge of the roof again, feet pressing firmly to the ledge as you looked down. “Being depressed will suck the soul out of you.” For some reason you couldn’t help but laugh. “You seem pretty wide awake, Satoru.” He joined you on the ledge, pushing you a bit to the side. Your training gave you quick reflexes so you didn’t flinch when he did it. “Oh please, you know I’m right.” You glanced at him, laughing softly. 

“You are, but so am I. We can be depressed morons together.” His voice was dripping with sarcasm, earning another laugh as you punched his shoulder. “Touche, Gojo” 

“Yuck, never call me that again.” His face had morphed into a scowl as you used his last name. He never liked hearing you call him anything other than Satoru. “Fine.” you crossed your arms over your chest, inhaling the cool air. “I think I’m gonna go shower and maybe make something small for dinner… Just so Shoko doesn’t string the two of us up on a lamppost.” Satoru nodded, watching you step off the ledge and move about the roof to put the blankets away. 

“I’ll accompany you.” he jumped down, trailing behind you as you moved to open the door that would bring you downstairs. “In the shower? I’m flattered but–” the way his eyes rolled were enough to stop you mid-sentence. “Joking, Satoru.” he sighed out an “I know” closing the distance to haul you up. “Using the stairs is boring.” Within the blink of an eye, you were back inside and standing in front of your dorm room. 

“Text me when you’re done showering and we can go get food.” 

You nodded, one of the perks of attending school in Tokyo was the fact that the city never slept. You could go find a place to eat at three in the morning and they’d still serve you hot food. Your body sagged against the door of your dorm after shutting it. Flicking on the lights lit the room in a warm, golden glow. For the last three years you considered your room a sanctuary, it was your happy place after a long day of training. Now, it feels oddly cold. 

You walked over to your dresser, pulling the top drawer open to grab a fresh pair of underwear and pajamas for after. You tossed them on your bed, reaching down for your bottom drawer to grab a particular towel you liked. It didn’t take you long to put your hair up, not in the mood to wash it just yet, and head to the bathroom. You squinted a bit as the nearly white fluorescent lights filled the room, if you had your way you’d change them to something softer. 

It took all of five seconds for your world to come crashing down around you again, eyes zeroing in on the pregnancy test sitting on your counter. I fucking forgot about it…

You set your towel down on the counter, holding your breath as you took the step and reached for the test. You gave yourself no time to prepare, eyes scanning the results once before it hit you like a ton of bricks. You dropped it, letting it clatter on the porcelain counter as a jagged sob ruptured from your chest. Your hand came up to cover your mouth, the other resting on your chest, your heart thumping so wildly you were certain it would burst. 

There, on the test, were two lines. It was positive. 

You nearly fell forward, dropping down to the trash can beside your sink and rummaging through it without hesitation. Your fingers wrapped around the plastic test from this morning, yanking it up and looking at the results again. There, on the initial test from that morning, were two lines. You didn’t drop it this time, eyes staring at the results as if they’d change. Positive, this whole time it had been positive. You just hadn’t let the first test develop long enough. 

“When… How…” You uttered softly, the logical part of your brain screaming at you to be realistic for a second rather than acting so surprised. The irrational side of your brain was still reeling from the revelation. As if Suguru hadn’t been adamant in trying to knock you up for months. “You fucking bastard… you get your way and leave me with the aftermath.” You were struggling, there was no way you’d be able to pinpoint when it happened until you found out how far along you were. For some reason, that was what made reality really set in. 

Hot tears streaked your face, sobbing so harshly that it felt like your lungs would collapse on you. You moved in a blur, legs carrying you out of your dorm and down the hall until you were pushing open Satoru’s door. “Woah there, sounds like someone’s hun…” He looked up, the teasing tone in his voice dropping immediately when he saw the tears streaming down your face. “What the fuck happened? Are you hurt?” Satoru crossed the room in two long strides, hands cupping your face as your lips wobbled. 

You couldn’t get the words out, crying harder as he ran his hands over you searching for some type of wound. “C’mon, what happened?” His tone had more of a bite to it than he intended but you were causing panic to seep through his veins. You couldn’t breathe, legs nearly buckling under the weight of your reality. Satoru seemed to catch this, hands shooting out to support you as he brought both of you to the floor. “Y/N, please.” he urged you, throat feeling tight. 

You shook your head, still sobbing as you raised your hand meekly, the positive pregnancy test out in the open for him to see. Blue eyes widened significantly when he saw it, he didn’t even need to see the two lines to understand why you were so hysterical. “Oh…oh.” he swallowed, hand shakily taking the test from your hand to look at it. “Oh fuck.” it was just barely above a whisper, arm holding you just a little tighter as you cried into his chest. 

At least part of you was aware of the possibility, Satoru on the other hand felt completely blindsided. “You two didn’t use protection?” He uttered softly, rocking you slightly without thinking as your cries continued, you couldn’t think at that moment, unable to calm yourself down. You managed to shake your head in response, unable to feel embarrassed as you admitted to not using condoms when with Suguru. “Fuck… did you ever use protection with him?” 

He knew the answer, of course he fucking knew the answer. Suguru was utterly obsessed with you, so in love it was nearly nauseating. You shook your head again, confirming that you’d never once used protection with him. “Hey… c’mon…” he started softly when your body shook with the force of your cries but you were no longer making any sounds. He wanted to say it would be alright but he wasn’t sure if it would be. 

That answer relied on you. 

He couldn’t expect you to be alright, you had your heart broken three weeks prior by the man who often talked about proposing to you as soon as you all graduated. If those were the kind of conversations Suguru was having with him, he couldn’t imagine the conversations Suguru had been having with you. Well, that was a bit of a lie. Considering your reaction to the test results, it seemed this was a long sought after goal. Your cries were from heartbreak, not fear. 

~

“I’ve been looking at rings.” Satoru glanced up, noodles dangling half way from his lips. “Hah?” He watched Suguru grimace a bit, some broth splattering as Satoru questioned him. “I’ve been looking at rings for Y/N.” Suguru stated again, a little more cautiously now, watching Satoru slurp the rest of the noodles into his mouth. “Suguru, we haven’t even entered our third year.” 

“I know, but…” he shrugged, unable to formulate the right way to say it. “...But? You’re not even eighteen yet, neither is she.” It wasn’t that Satoru didn’t think it was okay, he just figured you were both way too young to even fathom those things. “I don’t intend on proposing to her until we’ve graduated. Listen I know it seems fast but…” Suguru's hands fidgeted with his utensils for a moment, eyes avoiding Satoru until he was ready.

“I love her, Satoru. I didn’t even think it was possible to love someone as much as I love her.” 

Satoru blinked, a bit taken back by such a bold declaration over a bowl of cheap ramen. “I’m not doubting that you love her, Suguru. I just think it’s a bit crazy to think about these things so young.” Suguru sighed, watching Satoru with weary eyes as he moved to eat more noodles. 

“We’re sourcers, Satoru. A long life isn’t guaranteed.” 

~

“Breathe, please. You’re going to pass out.” Satoru’s hand was slapping your back as you coughed, the tears had finally begun to slow but you still weren’t able to form a coherent sentence. “Please…” he tried again, watching you try your best to take a deep breath. It was followed by another, this time it wasn’t superficial. After a couple more, you were able to rub the tears from your eyes and look at him without blurry vision. 

“S-satoru I’m so so-sorry.” you hiccuped, your throat feeling raw from your crying. “You have nothing to apologize for, stop feeling like you have to apologize for everything you do.” he let you go a bit, motioning for you to get up with him and sit on his bed rather than the floor. He watched you crawl under his covers, curling up against his pillows, sniffling softly. Despite the weight of the conversation you were about to have, Satoru couldn’t help but chuckle. 

He crawled onto his bed as well, sitting beside you but above the covers. “So… I guess the best place to start is… how did this happen. By that I mean, was it intentional?” You sighed, toying with the end of his pillow case as you spoke. “Suguru had been trying to get me pregnant for months now.” You felt warmth flood your cheeks, it felt awkward admitting something like that. “I knew the bastard had a breeding kink.” Satoru said it more to himself than you, but that didn’t stop the shrill yell of his name as you slapped his arm. 

“I’m being honest! He just seemed like the type.” Satoru shrugged, holding back laughter as you rolled your eyes and settled back into sulking. “I shouldn’t be so blindsided by this, but it’s fucking ironic that he got what he wanted after he fucking left me… us.” you corrected softly, feeling selfish for being so focused on yourself when Satoru was hurting too. “The universe knows how to play cruel jokes, I’ve thought that my whole life. But, that’s beside the point. We can’t sit here and sulk over it, we need to talk about what to do next.” 

You looked up at Satoru, eyes red from crying. It hurt his heart, you looked like a kicked puppy. In that moment he realized how heavily he relied on Suguru, because even now he found himself itching to grab his phone and call him for advice. What was worse, you were now looking to him for help, when really he was just as scared as you. “The next logical step is I need to find a doctor who can run a blood test and confirm the store bought tests are accurate. After that, they need to tell me how far along I am so I can pinpoint when this happened.”

Satoru nodded, you’d both have to fill in Shoko in the morning, she’d be able to help with all the medical bits. “I… I know this seems a bit invasive so please don’t take offense… but are you going to keep it?” Satoru fidgeted a bit, eyes watching as you seemed to zone out and think. Your initial answer was yes, of course, but were you really capable of raising a baby on your own? Then again, you didn’t think you could stomach giving them away for adoption, and you certainly didn’t want to get rid of them. Not after you chased this goal for months, regardless of the way things were right now. “Yeah, as terrifying as it is, I want this baby, Satoru.” 

“Okay, so we got two of the biggest things out of the way. Now, the hardest…” you huffed as he trailed off, you weren’t entirely sure you were ready to answer the next question. “What do we do about Suguru, that’s what you’re going to say, right?” It was Satoru’s turn to huff now, nodding as he looked away from you to stare at his hands.

“He… he needs to know.” 

“No the fuck he doesn’t.” 

You both stared at each other, completely scandalized by the other’s response. “Satoru… He needs to know… he…he’s the fucking dad? How am I supposed to jus–” Satoru shook his head, hands coming up to rub his face before letting them fall back to his lap. “Suguru is a fucking criminal now, he murdered people. Hundreds of people I should fucking remind you and you just want to waltz back into his fucking life and tell him that shit?” You sat up now, eyes burning holes into his skull as you waited for him to at least look at you. “Do you hear yourself?” 

You were seething, that same anger you held for Suguru leaving was now bubbling at Satoru for uttering his name like it was pure filth. Satoru stiffened, eyes turning to glare at you. But, every ounce of anger seemed to drain from his body when he saw nothing but hurt glowing in your tired and puffy eyes. “I fucking get it, Satoru. I know what Suguru did but fuck, how am I supposed to just get over him? How am I supposed to carry his child for nine months and push it out of my body just to raise it on my fucking own and never tell him? He’s the one that wanted this in the first place!” Tears glossed your eyes over, hands shaking as they fisted in his sheets.

His mouth opened before closing again, eyes looking away from you because he knew he'd never be able to try and talk sense into you when you looked at him like that. “And what if the child is unable to see curses?” he sounded defeated. “What then, Y/N? What if you give birth to this baby and they lack the ability to see them? That baby would be the very thing Suguru hates.” You froze, it felt like someone had poured ice water down the back of your neck. “If he didn’t spare his own parents, he won’t spare his own child.” Satoru swallowed, looking like he wanted to say so much more but didn’t. He let the words hang there, heavy and dark. 

The silence stretched on between the two of you, mostly because you knew he was right. Just because both parents had the ability to see into the curse world and use curse energy, it didn’t guarantee that their offspring would also carry the same blessing. You blinked, hand subconsciously moving to rest over your stomach, as if it would do anything to protect them. “Suguru he… he wouldn’t…” Your words were weak and at that moment Satoru couldn’t bring himself to really fight with you. “But he would, y/n that’s the fucking issue, he would.” his voice was breaking, unsure if he should say what he wanted to say next. 

“Then what am I going to do?” You were going to dissolve, tears burning your eyes again as the harsh reality began to sink in. “Let me help you, let me help you raise the baby. I can easily provide for the two of you.” He turned to look at you now, eyes burning with such intensity it stole the air from your lungs. “What?” you hadn’t meant for it to sound offended, you were shocked to say the least, but still the hurt that flashed through his features made you feel the urge to reach out and hug him. “Satoru I didn’t mean for it to come out so harsh…” You moved forward, arms wrapping tightly around his neck and hugging him. 

It took a second but his arms came up to wrap around your middle, holding you tightly. “It’s okay, it was a bold statement to make so suddenly.” he soothed you when really you felt that you  should be the one soothing him. “No it’s fine, really it just caught me by surprise and…” you hugged him a little tighter, burying your face in his neck. For a moment you nearly stiffened, that was something you usually did to seek comfort from Suguru. In that moment, you couldn’t bring yourself to pull away, finding comfort in Satoru’s reassuring embrace. “You don’t have to answer me tonight.” He hushed you, hand coming up to smooth your hair as he kept you close. “I doubt you have an appetite now, how about we just sleep?” 

“I still need to shower.” You pulled away, laughing softly when you remembered what you had been in the process of doing before your world flipped. “Okay, then go and shower but please come back to me when you’re done.” His tone was quiet, something in it held no room for you to disagree. So, you let go of him reluctantly, nodding as you crawled over him to stand. “Again, you don’t have to answer me tonight, or tomorrow, or even next week. But please, think about what I said.” He stayed on his bed, watching you shakily grab the pregnancy test before heading for his door. “I will, Satoru. Keep my spot warm.” you smiled at him over your shoulder, heart still heavy as you disappeared through the open door. 

The hot water on your skin wasn’t enough to wash away the dread growing in your chest. You found your hands absentmindedly running along your abdomen, still finding it hard to believe something was there, something that would grow into a living breathing human in a few months time. A mix of you and Suguru, how strange. This wasn’t how you imagined it would happen, nor were these the feelings you expected to experience when the time came. If anything, it made you more upset. You should be happy, you should be fucking estatic. You should be basking in the euphoric state of knowing you’d be having a child with the man you adored. 

Instead, you had sobbed in the arms of his best friend, completely hysterical. And the man you loved had no idea you were even pregnant, that the very thing he wanted had been achieved and he wouldn’t even get to know. At least not yet. You had taken Satoru’s words into consideration, of course you did. But in the back of your mind, you knew there was no way you’d be able to go on with your life without ever telling Suguru. He would know, he would know of his child, you were already set on that. You twisted the knob, the water turning off a second later as you got out and dried yourself off a bit before wrapping the towel around you. 

Your body was aching from the events of the last few hours. Returning to Satoru’s room and sleeping in his warm bed sounded like heaven to you. Sleeping next to someone again felt like heaven to you. You had to wonder what Suguru would think if he knew you were sharing his best friend’s bed – albeit nothing sexual was occuring between the two of you. And even then, Suguru had broken up with you in that letter, you were technically no longer his. The thought made you feel sick as you reached for the clothing you had laid on your bed. You pulled the shorts on first, reaching for the oversized shirt second, trying to ignore the nausea building in your gut. 

You moved around your room without thinking, flicking the lights off before heading out the door and back down the hall. Satoru had changed into his own pajamas, hair damp from the shower he must have taken while you went to take yours. He only had his bedside lamp on, the pace beside him vacant and waiting for you. “Are you sure you don’t want food?” he questioned softly as you shut the door behind you. “I’ll eat a good breakfast if my morning sickness allows.” Those words felt foreign, referring to your nausea as morning sickness felt so bizarre. “Alright but if you wake up in the middle of the night starving don’t hesitate to wake me up.”

You laughed softly, huffing out an “okay” as you crawled over him and under the covers once more. Satoru pulled the blankets up over both of you before reaching over and flicking off the light. “Goodnight.” he spoke softly, settling into his bed as you rolled onto your side to get comfortable. “Night, Satoru.” You whispered back, eyes already feeling heavy, the comfort his bed offered was no match for the gnawing reality you were facing. For now, you were thankful for it. 

~

“Think fast!” You laughed, hurtling one of the poles directly in Satoru’s direction. He turned, using infinity to block it just before it hit his face. “Nice! Your reflexes are getting faster.” You picked up another weapon, Suguru was watching you intently, an easy smile on his face. “Sugu!” You called, aiming to throw another pole. “Think fast.” you repeated, arm going back before using every ounce of strength to beeline it straight at him. Suguru smiled, summoning a curse easily to deflect it. “Not bad.” you winked, watching him roll his eyes as the curse disappeared.

“Y’all are gross.” Satoru drawled, pushing his glasses up his nose. “We didn’t even say anything?” Suguru countered, stepping out of the shade and into the sun. “You don’t need to say anything, the tension is almost unbearable.” Shoko chimed, twirling her lighter around her fingers as she watched the three of you. This time you couldn’t help but laugh, letting Suguru close the distance and wrap an arm around your waist. “See, gross!” Satoru sighed dramatically as you kissed Suguru’s cheek. “It’s called being in love, something you wouldn’t get, Satoru.” You stuck your tongue out at him, laughing as he rolled his eyes. 

“Well if you’re gonna be all gross and lovey with one another, go do it in private.” 

“Okay.” 

You and Suguru spoke in unison, a shrill laugh leaving you as he bent down and hauled you up and over his shoulder. Naturally Shoko faked a gagging noise, watching as he carried you away with a smile. “They’re so gross.” Satoru commented again, eyes following the two of you until you were completely out of sight. Though, he couldn't deny the small smile tugging at his lips. 

“Suguru.” you slapped his back lightly, he was still carrying you over his shoulder even after entering the dorm buildings. “Hmm?” he paid you no mind as he climbed the stairs, his end destination would be your dorm room… more specifically your bed. “You can put me down now.” You knew he wouldn’t, so you opted for running your hands along his back, feeling his steps falter for a moment before composing himself. “I’ll put you down when I’m good and ready.” 

You rolled your eyes, playfully swatting at his ass. “Alright, that's it. You’re getting punished.” His words were very matter-of-fact, so much so that you couldn’t help but burst out laughing. “Okay dad.” Suguru didn’t miss a beat, stalking down the hallway towards your dorm room. “Yeah, I’m trying to become one so it would help me out if you cooperated.” You made a strangled noise, it had been three weeks since Suguru admitted to wanting to get you pregnant. Needless to say, he wasn’t giving up any time soon. 

“You just want a reason to fuck me.” You tried to counter, jumping a bit as he pushed into your dorm room and kicked the door closed behind him. “I don’t need a reason to fuck you, baby.” You couldn't describe the noise you made, whiplash taking over as he tossed you onto your bed. “I guess that’s true…” You pushed up on your elbows, watching him pull his white shirt up and over his head, knocking his hair out of his bun in the process. “You’ll be good for me right?” He was dropping to his knees before you, a gentle plea of his name leaving your lips.

“Atta girl.” he murmured, warm fingers hooking in the waistband of your shorts and pulling them down. You watched him with parted lips, watching the way his eyes observed you. “Already wet? How fucking filthy.” his hands splayed along your thighs, pushing them wide open so he could really look at you. “Just because I picked you up? Or maybe it was from wrapping my arms around your waist?” He teased, pulling one hand from your thigh to spread your cunt open instead. “Tell me, pretty girl… what has you so worked up already?” 

“All of it.” You’re breathless as you look at him, no shame in your eyes as you admit how badly you want him. Suguru smiled, fingers keeping you spread as he watched the arousal pool at your entrance. “All of it, hmm? I make you that horny?” His tone was light but the look in his eyes was anything but. You could feel him devouring you whole. “Yeah, you fucking do.” You tried to keep your hips still, praying he’d do something other than watch you grow wetter by the second. “Tell me something, would you?” he pulled his eyes away to meet yours. 

“Anything.” You comment softly, waiting to hear what he had to say. Suguru smiled, fighting the urge to reach up and tuck some of your hair behind your ear. “Tell me what you want me to do to you.” His voice was barely a whisper, pupils blown wide as he looked at you. You audibly groan, face feeling warm as your head falls back. “Eat me out, Suguru.” You drawl, no longer embarrassed by the things he makes you say. “As you wish.” He couldn’t even tease you for such an honest answer. Suguru’s head dipped lower, tongue licking up your inner thighs, teeth grazing the skin eagerly. 

“Sugu…” You whined out, his lips growing closer to your aching cunt. “... can I suck you off after?” 

Suguru’s whole body jolted as you uttered those words, mouth moving to lick and suck along your folds as his honest answer. You took that as a yes. You couldn’t help but squirm as his hands began kneading the flesh of your thighs, all the while his tongue was lapping at your cunt. Each movement sent electricity up your spine, one hand shakily reaching out to hold his head as his lips wrapped around your pulsating clit. “Oh fuck… Suguru…” you were embarrassed by how quickly he had learned to make you cum, the pressure already building in your gut. 

He didn’t slow, rather he slipped two fingers into your slick entrance and scissored them in time with his sucking. He loved to put on a show for you, going as far as to slurp your juices just so he could hear you cry out. You couldn’t think straight when his tongue was wiggling against your clit, stopping every few seconds to suck until your back arched. Suguru continued this until he felt your fingers tighten in his hair, pulling harsh as your moans turned into breathy gasps. He pulled away with a slick pop, smiling deviously as your head shot up to glare at him. “Suguru!” You wailed, letting go of his hair angrily. 

“Not yet, I don’t want you coming yet.”  

“No fucking fair!” you whined, head falling back against the mattress in defeat. “So selfish.” Suguru laughed as he pushed himself off the floor, now making a show of pulling the rest of his clothing off. “There goes your chances at getting head.” you chided, watching as that shit eating grin remained on his lips. “You think this is funny!” you whined again, the echoes of your denied orgasm making you close your thighs to try and alleviate the pressure. Suguru watched you, cock throbbing as he kicked his pants off the rest of the way and tossed them to the side. 

“I do think it’s funny, mostly because you look so cute when you’re so worked up.” his hands wrapped around himself, pumping languidly as you spread your thighs again, eager for more. Suguru smirked, always defiant until his cock was out. “Nah baby, I don’t think you deserve this right now.” he continued to stroke himself, head falling back just a bit as his own aching arousal was finally being relieved. “Sugu…” you choked out in a hushed whisper, mouth watering as he let out a breathy sigh, fingers toying with the sensitive tip. You were regretting your earlier statement. 

“Sugu…” you spoke softly, watching him lift one leg to plant his foot on the mattress, hand still gliding along his shaft as his jaw slackened. He ignored you, continuing to get himself off. He was waiting for you to do something, that realization had you pushing yourself up, pulling your shirt up and over your head and tossing it to the ground. You pulled your legs off the side of the bed, maneuvering yourself until you sat on your knees before him. “Let me suck you off.” breathless, hands folded neatly on your lap as you waited for his response. 

Suguru smiled at you, watching the mattress move as your hips squirmed. “I thought you said the chances of me getting head were gone.” he teased, hand massaging just before the head of his cock, making his own voice falter as he spoke to you. “I never said that.” which was kind of true, you didn’t say those exact words. Suguru cocked an eyebrow, unable to maintain his stern demeanor as your tongue moved to wet your lips, eyes completely focused on his fist. “Please, your hand is so boring Suguru, especially when you could have my mouth.” you tried again, eyes sliding up his torso, admiring the dips and plains of his muscles. 

“When you put it like that, it’s hard to say no.” he murmured softly, letting his cock go. You scooted closer, until your knees were nearly off the edge of the mattress. “Thank you.” You whispered softly, watching his face flush a shade of pink, eyes quickly looking away from you to try and regain some sort of composure. The first touch was always enough to make him weak in the knees, your tongue gliding gently over his weeping tip before lowering to the underside of his shaft. He met your eyes, face still flushed as you looked at him with such adoration. All the while your mouth was doing sinful things to him, your duality was enough to induce whiplash. 

His fingers came up to rake through your hair, guiding you as your jaw slackened, head moving to engulf him in the wet heat your mouth had to offer. “Oh fuck…” Suguru choked when you didn’t stop moving, throat constricting as your nose brushed the unruly mess of black hair at his base. You held yourself there, drool dripping down your chin as your cheeks hollowed. Slowly you dragged yourself back, watching the shiny coat of saliva covering his shaft in your wake. You repeated those motions, finding a comfortable place to bob your head at, his length heavy on your tongue. “So good for me… fuck you’re so good for me… I don’t know what I did to deserve you…” 

You merely hummed, ignoring the slow but steady ache building in your jaw as your hand moved along his shaft. You could tell he was starting to really feel it, his cock twitching every few motions, head tilted back as his eyes fluttered shut. You had to admit you were impressed he managed to stay on his feet. Most times, when Suguru dared to eat you out while you were standing, you were nearly a dead weight in his grasp by the end. The only thing keeping you up was the wall he stuffed you against and his shoulders because he tossed your legs over them. You stopped when you felt him twitching violently, jaw clenched tight as his head shot forward to look down at you.

“Gonna make me cum, pretty girl.” He choked out, hands cupping your cheeks to guide you as you moved your head again. Your hands shot out, holding his thighs tightly as you let him use your head how he pleased, guiding you to a pace that made your eyes water before he stilled all together. You forced yourself to relax as Suguru spilled down your throat, letting you greedily swallow all of it before pulling off of him with a lewd pop. “Fuck…” he nearly fell into the bed, dick still hard as he crawled onto the matress with you. “How about we do this…” he sounded breathless, laying on his side and guiding you to do the same. You knew what he wanted, swollen lips parting as you sighed, settling with your back just barely touching his front. 

You let Suguru grab one leg, lifting it up slowly to create enough space for himself. “Lazy boy…” You teased over your shoulder, letting his arm hook under your neck, large hand resting on your chest. “Maybe I am, but you fucking love it.” You couldn’t complain, not when he was angling his hips and pressing the weeping tip of his cock at your entrance. He pressed into you, adjusting both of your bodies until he found a comfortable position to properly rut his hips into you. All you could do is let him, whining loudly as he split you open, stuffing you full. “How’s that, hmm? Does it feel good?” Suguru whispered against your ear, panting as your walls constricted around him and tried to push him out at the very same time. “F-feels so good…so good…” You whined loudly. 

Suguru didn’t give you a verbal response after that, instead focusing all of his attention on finding a good rhythm to fuck you too. You couldn’t stop the noises that spilled past your lips, each drag of his cock in and out of your heat was enough to make your vision blurry. It took everything in you to at least keep your head up, tilted downwards to watch where he disappeared and reappeared between your legs.  “Suguru…” a breathless plea, one that turned into a steady mantra as all you could think about was him and what he was doing to you. Had you not been so overwhelmed you would have heard his quiet grunts of praise each time your bodies connected. 

Suguru watched a shaky hand slide down your front, in your whimpering daze you managed to slip two fingers down there to rub sloppy circles on your clit. “Gonna cum, aren’t ya?” Suguru gasped, his cock twitching violently as your cunt suctioned to him, nearly making his thrusts falter. “Y-yeah…” you managed to get out, no longer having the strength to keep your head up. You let it fall, resting snuggly in the crook of the arm he was using to support you. “Then come for me, pretty girl. I wanna feel you come all over my cock… then maybe I’ll fill you up, yeah? You’d love that…” you responded with a loud whine, walls fluttering around his length each time he pushed it back in. 

“There we go, come for me.” He encouraged again, warm breath ghosting the shell of your ear and earning a shiver in response. You could feel it, the aching build of a damn that was on the verge of breaking, every breath you made was nothing but a labored pant. Your heart was beating erratically, just as you were about to fall over the edge, Suguru gasped. You couldn’t help but gasp with him, his release pumping into you, hot and sticky. “F-fuck sorry…” he grounded out, his own orgasm sneaking up on him and completely catching you by surprise. Not that it mattered to you, that strained and embarrassed apology was all you needed before you felt yourself coming as well. 

You both essentially collapsed, Suguru holding you tightly as he angled himself to remain inside of you, to keep his cum inside of you. “You okay?” he mumbled softly, hand lazily reaching for the one you had used to rub your clit and bring it to your lips. You whined as he popped the shiny fingers in his mouth, cleaning them with his tongue. “Yeah, I'm good…great really.” You chuckled, eyelids feeling heavy as he hummed. “Good.” he mumbled softly, pulling your fingers from his mouth to kiss them gingerly. “You know I love you, right?” Suguru’s voice was tender, so tender it nearly pulled the air out of your lungs. “Yeah, of course I know that Sugu… you know I love you too, right?” 

“I know.” was all he said in reply, you had to wonder why he was suddenly so sentimental. Suguru was typically softer with you after sex, aftercare was one of his specialties. But something about his tone felt different, something about his question felt like there was more meaning behind it. You had been noticing the bags under his eyes for the last few weeks, but every time you asked he always brushed you off. “Is everything okay?” you tried to turn your head to look back at him, but the angle he had you in proved to make movement difficult. “Mmhmm, just want to make sure you’re okay.” but he hadn’t  been that rough with you. “Yeah, I’m okay… but you haven’t answered me.” He stopped kissing your hand, setting it down gently as he moved to kiss your shoulder. 

“I haven’t?” 

“I asked you if you were okay.”

“Well, I did answer you. I said yes.” he didn’t sound offended, more or less he sounded amused. “Mmhmm isn’t a yes, Suguru.” You, on the other hand, sounded a little less enthused. “I’m okay, baby. Is that better.” you couldn’t see it but you could hear the smile on his lips. “Yeah, that’s better.” But for some reason, you couldn’t shake the worry clinging to your heart. 

~

“Hey… hey…” you woke with a gasp, eyes wet as you tried to remember where you were. “You okay? You started crying in your sleep again.” A worried but groggy voice was speaking to you, one that was familiar but your brain couldn’t seem to catch up. “Y/N? It’s me, it’s Satoru.” There it was, you nearly fell back into the pillow with relief as he spoke. “Shit I’m sorry… I was dreaming and it just… fuck it felt so real. I couldn’t remember where I was…” you wiped your eyes, slowly adjusting to the dark room again. “It’s okay… you’ve been dreaming a lot.” Satoru sighed, he remembered you saying that your nights had been pretty dreamless for the last three weeks so why was that changing now? 

“I know… it just started happening too. Maybe it's because of the baby.”

Your hand lowered to your stomach, palm resting flatley against it. You still couldn’t process the fact that there was something in there, something that was growing, a mix of you and him. “Can pregnancy make you dream more?” Satoru chuckled, blue eyes shifting to read his alarm clock. It was just past four in the morning. You had slept pretty well until a few minutes ago. He had been watching you, woken up by your body growing restless. He woke you up the moment he heard you start to sniffle. “I dunno, maybe.” you sighed, eyes feeling heavy again. “Sorry for waking you, Toru.” You didn’t hear the way his breath hitched, your yawn effectively shutting it all out. 

You hadn’t called him by that nickname in weeks, he hadn’t really realized how much he missed it. “Don’t apologize, I told you to stop that.” Not stern, just tired, he wanted you to go back to normal but he knew that was impossible. Things would never go back to how they were. “Oh, yeah… I guess you have told me that.” You chuckle, turning on your side to face him in the dark. “I won’t apologize for forgetting this time, okay?” You grinned, eyes closing and unaware that he was able to see it in the dark. “Okay.” He sighed, a grin creeping up his own face as he let his eyes shut again. Hopefully you’d sleep through to his alarm at 8:30am, you had a busy day ahead. 

~END OF PART ONE~

Thank you for reading! I hope you look forward to part 2 <3333

Likes, comments and reblogs are always appreciated ;3

[pomefioredove]

hi!! could you pls do headcanons for the housewardens (+jamil) with a reader that stims? like if they get nervous or excited they do flappy hands! Gn reader, and the characters are crushing on reader but they’re not dating yet please! Thank you :>

:) of course! I stim so I get it LOL

summary: reader who stims! type of post: headcanons characters: riddle, leona, azul, jamil, kalim, vil, idia, malleus additional info: romantic or platonic for most, reader is gender neutral, reader is not specified to be yuu

Riddle already has a high "nonsense tolerance" when it comes to you

if you were anyone else, he would get overstimulated so fast

but, it's you

and he likes you

and he puts a lot more effort into making you comfortable around him than he would ever admit

so, by all means! fidget, stim, hum, he likes all of you

and if anyone else has a problem with it, they can go through him, first

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

if you can live with a little teasing, Leona can live with your stims

kidding

...kind of

he would never admit it to himself, but the way you get excited is kinda endearing to him

(major cuteness aggression)

so he just can't help teasing you a tiny bit for it

lovingly, of course

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Azul has an eye for detail and a love of figuring people out

and admiring observing you is one of his favorite pastimes!

he might need the information later

for... reasons.

he finds your mannerisms... interesting. your nervous ticks are so different from the other student's

then Floyd suggests you're obviously stimming; it just looks different "'cause you're on land and stuff,"

it makes sense (though he doesn't have to be so smug about it)

mystery solved

but Azul keeps staring at you, anyway. for... reasons.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

unsurprisingly, Kalim loves it

if he doesn't stim already, he might just start

it's a good way to let off some energy when he's overexcited, or calm him when he's nervous

(which happens more often than you'd think)

he would be baffled by the idea that people find it annoying

or weird, or childish

if he felt like someone was staring, or about to say something to you, he'd start stimming with you

power in numbers, right?

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

surprisingly (or unsurprisingly?) Jamil doesn't really... care

at this point, he's dealt with everything

a nuclear bomb could go off and he probably wouldn't even react

that's a slow tuesday for him

it's only during the metaphorical nuclear fallout

(when he has that migraine he always gets)

that he'll ask you for quiet and space

and that's the very most he'll say about it

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Vil isn't ignorant

he's not going to punish you for something that you find helpful

...and Rook has his little quirks, too

besides, there's nothing you could do that he wouldn't find endearing

what he will do, however, is help you manage

to your comfort, of course

there's a drawer full of stim toys in the Pomefiore lounge probably

and if not, Rook probably has a doohickey or two that can keep your hands occupied during quiet/important/etc occasions

otherwise, you're free to do whatever

I'm gonna be so real tbh I see Pomefiore as a very disability-friendly dorm and I'll die on that hill

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Idia! the freak himself

(affectionate)

nah, he doesn't care

he probably has a ton of his own stims he's already super embarrassed about

so he's definitely not going to say anything to you

if anything, it makes him feel better about himself

it's cute when you do it

he starts 3D printing you toys he think you'll like, most that he designed himself

so, he does care, but... in a good way!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

LMAO okay. wait

between Lilia, Silver, and Sebek, there's no way Malleus would see stimming as anything but normal

Lilia probably starts crawling on the walls like a spider when he's excited

so hand-flapping is like aw... cute! :) to Malleus

he would, will, and has stared down anyone who makes a face or a nasty comment about it

so you can be sure that no one will ever say anything mean to you about it!

like, ever again

[eyivibyemi]

✧ I won’t really write descriptions for these, but see original post tags for explanation/commentary on the song snippet ✧

[vampiricgf]

Musings of a Fool in Love

leon kennedy x reader

wc: 1k+

warnings: none, sfw, just a sweet moment of both seriously and not seriously discussing marriage, thinking about what it means to exist in perpetuity with another person

I wanted to do something sweet especially after all the angst ive been inflicting on everyone <3 so here's a lil thing inspired by the old love songs I was listening to this morning. (i also didn't have a specific iteration of him in mind for this so it can be interpreted with whichever one you want) if there's mistakes I simply pretend i do not see lol

Soft chords of music fill the apartment, the last dregs of daylight washing you both in hues of honey gold and peach tinged pink, catching in his softly focused blue eyes like those novelty crystals that sit on their tiny, LED powered pedestals refracting the manmade light an infinite number of times. 

“What are you thinking about?” He asks, the hand lightly holding yours giving a gentle squeeze while the other remains restfully perched on your hip as you bodies move slowly with the melody. 

You don’t speak immediately, relishing in how he looks at this moment and contemplating dodging the question. It’s silly, nonsensical but just serious enough that it could shatter this dreamlike moment, leaving it as insubstantial as the last twinges of a dream that cling to the mind like a mist. But you decide against subterfuge, willing to risk cracking the tranquility apart. 

“I was thinking about what it would be like to get married.”

There’s no dramatic pause, he doesn’t bring your combined motion to a halt; that doesn’t stop his expression from changing although not into what you expected. Leon gives you a soft smile, hesitant, but seemingly chooses to indulge your line of thought.

“What about getting married?” His tone is hushed, like you’re two children whispering secrets and it makes you giggly, nervousness bubbling in your throat like a bird flapping it’s wings against it’s cage. 

“Just… What it would be like.” You shrug, shyness wrapping around your body like spectral hands. The wine you’d indulge in at dinner encouraging heat the spread lazily beneath your skin.

“What do you think it would be like?”

You could hold his gaze forever, you think. Maybe forever does exist that way: two people who live in one anothers faces, and you think again of those childhood crystals with their dazzling displays of endless light frozen inside. 

“Hm, something like this, I think.” 

“No specifics?” He teases you, extending the hand that holds yours to make room for you to lightly spin, laughing a little bit louder now. 

“You’d hate them,” You say through more glittering peels of laughter.

“Mm, try me.”

“I’m picturing something like a courthouse, nothing as imposing as a cathedral or a big church.”

“How romantic,” He gives you a faux roll of his eyes, still smiling. 

“Do you want a cathedral, a church?” You ask, genuinely curious now. 

“It doesn’t really matter to me, I guess all that would matter is that you’re there.”

“Now who’s the sappy romantic?” It’s your turn to tease him and he takes it in stride, drawing you in and placing a wet, exaggerated kiss on your cheek that makes you dissolve into yet more unbridled giggles. 

“And what else?” He encourages, the hand on your hip traveling to rest comfortably, solidly against your lower back. 

You pretend to eye him critically before continuing. “I could wear some gaudy dress shaped like a puff pastery.”

That makes him laugh, a full body, bone deep laugh, the kind that makes satisfaction ooze through your own form, warm and sticky as maple syrup and you can’t help but resume your own silvery laughter. The sounds of your mingled gasps for air against the rush of joy mixes with the song, a unique sound that is wholly, unequivocally yours. 

“You’d be the most beautiful puff pastry.”

And despite the absurdity of that sentence you can’t help the swell of adoration in your chest, can’t help but press kiss after kiss against his lips until you’ve both stopped moving, his eyes roaming your face in soft attentiveness as your fingertips brush against his jaw and the sound of music is drowned out by your mingled breaths. 

He brings your hand to his lips, leaving a trail of kisses so chaste, so sweet they make your teeth ache as he makes his way from your knuckles to your inner wrist. His breath fanning across your skin grips you in a sudden lightheadedness and your heart pounds so hard you think there’s no way he can’t also hear its reckless rhythm. 

“If I asked you right now, would you say yes?” 

And all is quiet. Gone is the overpowering sound of your heart, the soft twinkle of music, the sound of breath leaving body. The question hangs frozen, suspended in the air between you two like a single perfect, encapsulated snowflake. 

“I would always say yes to you,’’ Your voice breaks, just the tiniest fraction of a crack and he huffs out another low breath of laughter, pressing your wrist to his lips with more firmness, more intensity present than before. Slowly he lowers your arm, holding your hand once more and resting his forehead against yours, searching for something in your wide eyed gaze. 

The quiet that descends on you doesn’t do so as a threat, not with speed nor discomforting awkwardness. It’s the quiet of two lovers, content to rest in the moment with one another before moving to the next. 

“There’s no rush,” You whisper, your voice a tender, furtive thing not unlike a newly hatched little bird hesitantly peeking into the sunlight for the first time. 

And your words bleed out around the tiny little living room, like dye dropped into water, spreading and curling into even the farthest corners of your apartment as your eyes close and you tuck your neck against his chest, neither of you moving and it’s wholly possible that you could stay that way for an eternity, ivy growing thick and wild as it winds around your legs, drips down your fingertips, takes the place of your hair. 

Maybe eternity only exists in the fleetest, most foolish of moments. 

“You’re right. And it would be disappointing, getting proposed to with no ring.”

“You could give me one of those candy ones,” you say without moving from his chest and you feel more than hear the light chuckle it earns you.

“We’ve gotta work on your taste.”

“Are you saying I have bad taste?”

“I mean, look at your choice of man.”

At that you laugh again and the motion of your bodies resumes along with the music, in the lamplight glow of evening now, that perfect glimpse of eternity resting in the cradle of your memory. 

[icewindandboringhorror]

Hrmm... put together a roommates quiz finally after years of thinking it would be an interesting idea lol.. Though obviously not meant to be taken super seriously, I just like thinking about this aspect of personality compatibility. Like yeah, maybe you could get along with someone just chatting with them, but living together is such a different thing. .. curiouse...

[justmeinadaze]

Created a Monster (Steddie X Kas Y/N)

Every time I hear this song this idea pops into my head but it's not what I'm used to writing per say. I wanted you guys to read like a preview and tell me if this is something you'd want more of or a one shot. Or whatever lol Just some feed back :) It's been sitting in my WIP forever but I can't stop thinking about it.

Warning: Steddie X Kas Fem Reader, mentions of grief and how much the boys miss her, I twisted some things from the show obviously. Instead of Eddie fighting, Y/N does. I also read up a bit on Kas so took some lore there. Not really expanded on in this preview but...

Word Count: 1956

Eddie and Steve stare at your gravestone as the preacher continues to spout some nonsense about young souls being angels on Earth and being called back home. No one understood what they were going through not even their friends they had fought with. You were their everything and now… you were gone. 

Steve and Robin sat in the cafeteria of the hospital picking at their food as they waited for Eddie to join them. For the past four months they had been visiting Max while continuing to be moral support for Lucas. Neither boy would let on how jealous they actually were of the former Hellfire member. At least he could still hold his girlfriend’s hand…see her face…kiss her cheek.

“The doctor’s said she’s showing improvement.”, Robin mused as she took a bite of bland rice in front of her. 

“That’s good. She’s a good kid who’s been through too much. She deserves to have a full life.”

His friend nods in understanding, scanning Steve over before reaching for his hand. 

“This is a stupid question but how are you doing?”

“I’m, um, I’m surviving. Eddie’s trying to keep it together for the guys but we’re both kind of floundering.”, he chuckles as he places his fork down and leans back. “I miss her laugh. Every time Munson would tell a joke, she would close her eyes and scrunch her nose… so cute.”

“Yeah, she was.”, his friend softly murmured. “She loved you two more than anything. Y/N would talk about you both nonstop to an annoying degree.”

When Robin playfully rolls her eyes, they both laugh almost uncontrollably until his gradually shift into sobs. Rising to her feet, she wraps her arms around his shoulders and in turn he does the same, his fingers digging almost painfully into her back. 

“I miss her so much.”

***

When both boys finally made it back home, Eddie silently flopped down on the couch as he grabbed the remote and turned on the tv. Since your passing, the metalhead had moved into the living room since their apartment only had one bedroom. Without you between them they saw no point in sharing anymore. Steve never said anything to contradict but he wished his friend had stayed. Even though they were never intimate in the dynamic, he would have rather shared a bed with his friend than be alone. It was just more of a reminder that you were gone. 

“Another group of men were found dead today outside of their homes, stabbed through the chest, and with nothing stolen or motive perceived from Hawkins PD. We reached out to reinstated Chief Hopper for comment but at this time none was given.”

“Something we should be worried about you think?”, Steve asked as he came up behind his friend to watch the tv.

“I mean, as long as they aren’t blaming me, I’d say no.”

“It doesn’t seem like Vecna either. No broken bones or eyes caved in—” Rising to his feet, Eddie hastily turned off the tv and reached for his jacket. “Eddie—”

“I agree. No Vecna. I’m, um, I’m going to go for a walk.”

“Is this how it’s always going to be?! Are we just going to be awkward around each other now? She wouldn’t have wanted that, Ed.”

A smooth, sarcastic laugh escaped the metalhead’s lips as he turned to face his friend. 

“Yeah? Well, I wanted her here and she’s fucking dead. We both don’t get what we want.”

“So, you’re just going to sully her memory like that?”

“Oh, fuck you, Harrington! She’s the one that ran off even though I told her not to move. She’s the one that decided to fight instead of listening to you and not being a hero. She’s the one who DIED IN MY FUCKING ARMS!” As his voice cracked, he paused to collect himself. “Y/N’s gone. She doesn’t get a say anymore.”

With that he turned on his heels and slammed the door. 

“He’s always been really hot headed hasn’t he?”, the vision of you giggles as you kick your feet against the counter. 

Steve never told anyone for fear of coming off as insane but this is how he processed you no longer being around; he pretended you weren’t gone.

“Yeah, just like you.”

“Excuse me! I was stubborn but not ‘hot headed’, jerk.”

His head hung at the word “was” as his bottom lip began to tremble. Jumping off the counter, you slide over till you were just inches from his side. Even though you weren’t really there, he swore he could smell you.

“Steve, baby, look at me. He’ll be ok… you both will.”

Shaking his head, he wiped the tears that had begun to fall but when he moved his hands away the image of you disappeared. 

“I love you, honey. I miss you so much.”

############

Eddie pulled his hood over his head as he powerwalked in what he thought was no particular direction. Even after being exonerated people still scowled and hurled insults his way. The ones that hurt him the most were the ones about you. 

Because they couldn’t bring your body back, it was assumed you had died with everyone else. Your family still held on to hope but in the worst way. You parents used to love him and Steve, treating them both like family but after Chrissy’s death everything shifted. They told you to stay away from him and in turn you told them to fuck off. 

Anytime they saw Eddie, they begged him to tell them where you were or where your body was so they could properly grieve. He ignored them as best he could but it killed him because he knew the truth. That’s something he and Nancy could connect on. Every time she told him about her experiences with Barb it comforted him to an extent. He hoped one day he could give them peace like her friend’s parents got. 

Stumbling over his feet, the metalhead finally took note of his surroundings realizing he had walked to Hawkins Cemetery. Sighing heavily, he gave in and let his feet continue to lead him till he was in front of your plot. 

“Y/N Y/L/N. 1986. Loving Friend, Daughter, and Girlfriend.” 

“Fucking basic shit. You were way more than that.”, he grumbled as he took a seat facing your stone. 

“I’m angry with you; so fucking angry. I told you to go up the rope but you insisted I go so I could catch you like Steve had. I should have known better. How could you do that? How could you leave us like that?!”

“I didn’t do it by choice.”, the vision of you replied in a sad but calm tone as you sat on top of your own stone. Eddie’s jaw tightened as he looked in the opposite direction. “Still ignoring me?”

“You’re not real.”

“True…but it helps Steve. At least that’s what you hope after hearing him talk out loud to me the other night. He really hates being alone, you know? He wants to talk to you but—”

“I can’t talk about you with people. Not yet.”

“Ok, then don’t talk about me. Maybe talk about D&D or Steve’s day. Anything else. Eddie, just because I’m gone doesn’t mean you two stop being friends.”

“Don’t preach to me, babe. I don’t want to hear it.”

“What do you want to hear?”

“Nothing. That’s all I ever fucking hear now. I don’t hear your stories about work or your family. I don’t hear you laughing at my jokes or your sarcasm when you’re making fun of Steve for his lack of movie knowledge. I don’t hear your fucking breath in the middle of the night when you’re sleeping or see you bite your lip when you’re thinking about something complicated. I don’t feel your fingers in my hair when I’m lying on the floor listening to music or your lips against mine. Why, Y/N? Because you’re fucking DEAD!”

The vision of you watched with sympathetic eyes as his shoulders shook and he sobbed in his hands. After a few minutes, he wiped his nose on his sleeve, finding you sitting cross legged in front of him with your knees inches from his own. 

“I don’t know how to live without you, sweetheart.”

“Eddie… I never loved anyone on this planet as much as I loved you and Steve. If it meant keeping you both safe…I would die again.”

“It was our job to protect you.”

“And you did such an amazing job.”

Shaking his head, he glanced towards a tree in the distance before turning your way to find you gone. 

“I love you, baby.”

################

Steve’s eyes snap open at the sound of glass breaking before quickly grabbing his bat and slowly stalking to the kitchen. 

“Jesus Christ!”

“I just go by Eddie but…” They both exasperatedly laughed as the other boy lowered his weapon. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you or anything. I just left the cemetery and I didn’t realize it was so fucking late.”

“Did, um, were you going to see her?”

He could have responded sarcastically but your words lingered in his mind. 

“Yeah… I just needed to hash some things out with her.”

“I know how you feel. Sometimes I get really angry at her to but then I get confused because I don’t know what to do with that.”

“Yeah.”, Eddie laughs as well. “Fuck, this sucks.”

As his friend nodded, a shadow on the wall caught the former jocks attention. It looked like a figure but that can’t be right because they were on the fourth floor of their complex. Just as he began to glance to find out what it was, their window shattered causing both men to fall to the ground and cover their heads. 

Steve recovered first, swiftly grabbing his bat and blocking the weapon that begun to swing down towards the metalhead. To his surprise it did stop it but as soon as he pushed the figure back, the bat cut cleanly in half. It took him a few seconds to realize the stranger in front of him was wielding a sword causing him to duck out of the way as the person continued swinging it at him. 

While trying to find something to defend himself with, he heard Eddie call his name and turned just in time to see him slide another sword his way. 

“Isn’t this fake?!”

“Please! We’re nerds! Do you think Y/N and I would buy anything fake!?”

Just as Steve unsheathed the weapon, it clinked loudly against the strangers. Both beings went toe to toe with the pretty boy surprising even himself. He got too cocky, however, lowering his guard just enough for the figure to punch his chest knocking the wind out of him as he fell to the floor. 

The armor the figure was wearing loudly tapped against each other as they stepped forwards and pointed their weapon at Steve’s throat. With wide eyes, he watched as the person took off their helmet and casually tossed it to the ground as their hair fell around their face.

“Y/N?”

The boy whined as you tilted the sharp weapon up towards his chin causing him to stretch his face out of the way. 

“My master sends his regards.”, you hiss as you step back and raise your sword. 

Before you can do anything, something hard collides with your head and you faint to the ground.

“Ok, I’m not dreaming right? Or hallucinating?”, Eddie asked as he reached for Steve’s hand to help him off the ground. 

“No, dude. At least I don’t think so…”

[ohnoitstbskyen]

So: for LoL, which storyline is your favorite? And if you were to decide, what direction would you take it?

I mean, my favourite story set in any League of Legends thing by far is Arcane, but I suspect that's not quite what you mean.

Second to that is Ashe and Sejuani, specifically as their relationship is told in the Ashe: Warmother comic. It's a comic about the ways in which their relationships with their mothers shape them into the people they become - both of them consciously rejecting their mothers' legacies, and yet both of them utterly reflective of them.

Like, Ashe's mother Grena is this unflinching visionary, utterly possessed by a dream of ancient legacies, who is at once incredibly powerful and willing to sacrifice any number of lives for her vision, but also vulnerable, flawed and terrified of what her leadership will do both to her tribe and to her daughter.

And you see those qualities emerge in Ashe as she determines to become the protector of the weak in the Freljord, the champion of the Hearthbound and the vulnerable. She inherits Grena's steel-edged will and dedication to a vision of the future, even as she tries over and over again to reject her mother's obsession with ancient glories and mystical names.

Sejuani on the other hand is raised by... well, by a bitter, abusive drunk who sees her as nothing but a signifier of her own regrets and failures, and who projects all her own insecurities and weaknesses onto her child.

And Sejuani grows up both resentfully rejecting all the insecurity and pain her mother has been beating into her, but also inherits her mother's brutality and willingness to see the human beings under her command as disposable objects whose worth is measured in utility.

They are two reflections, two shadows of their mothers, and of the relationship they had to them, sisters by mutual choice and love, who are brought into conflict because their traumas have shaped them in irreconcilably different ways.

It is ENORMOUSLY compelling as a narrative about siblings, and as a framing device for the conflict in the Freljord - especially with Lissandra spooking around in the background as a universal mother-figure for the region, who in turn has her own traumas about being alienated from her sisters in ways that are similar to how Ashe and Sejuani were split apart.

The Freljord sometimes runs the risk of devolving into pop culture viking stereotypes and high fantasy pagan god nonsense (/affectionate, I love Ornn so much), but Ashe and Sejuani and their estrangement, especially as presented in Warmother, brings the thematic core of the region back down to some extremely fundamental questions about how to survive in an abusive environment - whether it be a harsh winter, or a broken family.

Warmother is a fantastic comic, everyone should read it (the art by Nina Vakueva absolutely fucks, and the approach to character design is strong as hell), and it breaks my heart that Riot's management couldn't keep their shit together with Marvel for long enough for it to get any kind of a sequel.