#I love having things sitting in my queue for an entire year

[rithmeres]

genuinely these panels are going to make me ugly cry

[jamesunderwater]

Only if you have time (maybe i'm nr 5 ;-)

“ if anybody were to kiss me, i would want that person to be you. “ for jily please

ahhhhhhhh this is NOT what i thought was gonna come out of this prompt when i first read it, but i hope you enjoy nonetheless. it's my first trans james potter fic <3 (btw, 10 points to the first person who gets the glaring reference ;p)

Jily: “if anybody were to kiss me, i would want that person to be you.”

When they were eleven, James and Lily almost kissed. Back when James was Jamie, and lived in the girls’ dorms, and didn’t understand that the way he liked girls was not in a ‘I want to be just like you! I want to be your friend so badly!’ way, but in a ‘I want to give you flowers and tell you how pretty you are so I can watch you blush and tuck your hair behind your ear’ kind of way – in a ‘can I be your boyfriend’ kind of way, even though he was supposed to be the one wanting a boyfriend, not being one.

They were eleven and all the first year Gryffindor girls had agreed to pull an all-nighter. Everyone was talking about first kisses, first boyfriends, first periods – all the things James hated thinking about. But Lily had noticed his discomfort, because she always noticed, and scooted close to him to quietly ask if he was alright. And James had wished everyone else was asleep or gone entirely, because he loved sitting close to Lily like this, loved when it was just the two of them – just like every young girl always feels with her friends.  

They weren’t alone, though, and next thing he knew Matilda was yelling out, “Ooh, Jamie, if you’re so nervous about your first kiss, you could always practice with Lily…” His cheeks burned at the thought, but he’d turned to see Lily’s reaction before deciding his own. 

She’d wrinkled her pink nose. “Jamie? Jamie doesn’t want to kiss me!”

Okay, right – of course he didn’t want to kiss her. They were friends! They were two girls! He couldn’t want to kiss her. He didn’t want to, not one bit. “Yeah, I definitely wouldn’t want to kiss you,” he’d said, copying her tone of alarm. 

Evidently, though, while he wasn’t supposed to want to kiss Lily, he also shouldn’t not want to kiss Lily – because she scoffed, and Matilda cackled, and several other girls gasped. When he looked more closely, James saw that Lily’s cheeks had turned bright red. “Well, I didn’t realize I was such a horrible option,” she’d glared, earning more snickers from around the room. James’ heart sank into his stomach and through the floor, his mouth opening and closing until his own cheeks were burning, and he gave up.

From that moment on, nothing was the same with Lily again. Not after he came out as a lesbian, then trans, eventually moving to the boys’ dorm as he started his social transition to James, the boy. Not when he started physically transitioning, eventually dating straight girls as a straight boy. Not when Lily came out as bisexual, one of the only people in all of Hogwarts to bravely claim that identity. 

And still he thought of her, of course, every time he bought a girl flowers, every time someone tucked their hair behind their ear, every time he had a first kiss. A fleeting wish, accompanied by a wondering: if he’d just been born a boy, would they have had a chance? If he’d not had to fight and claw his way to being an average, arrogant teenage boy, but simply been one by right, would he have taken the opportunity when it presented itself? An all-nighter shared between the fifth year boys and girls of Gryffindor, perhaps; a game of truth or dare or spin-the-bottle; someone laughing as they teased, Oi, James, if you want to practice kissing so bad, why don’t you kiss Lily right now? And Lily, shocked, saying quickly, No, no, James doesn’t want to kiss me, trust me.

Would he then, in that world, have had the nerve to say, ‘Well, if anybody were to kiss me, I’d want that person to be you’?

----

send me prompts! (though note that I currently have 7 in the queue)

[not-poignant]

For the behind the scenes asks 20, 21 & 26 about A Stain That Won't Dissolve please!! <slightly obsessed w it rn

Ahhh - so I have 21 in the queue, it's coming! The TL;DR for that one is 'I didn't expect so many people to apologise for the way the town behaves towards Alex, and it's like watching abuse apologism and self-defense of inaction around familial abuse in real time, which is a weird phenomenon that happens sometimes when you write trauma narratives.'

20. What is something you wish more people noticed about this fic?

Hmm.

I don't know if it's something I wish for, so much as something that I think people don't notice as much and I think it would be interesting if they did.

Things like... it's a shame more people don't realise that the reason Alex isn't a 'good communicator' is because no one in that town is except for maybe Dr Harvey. Even Haley, who is getting better, is a people pleaser who undercut herself and her skills all her life. People can't learn what isn't around them to learn. So when I get comments like 'I wish Alex would just open up to these people in the town' I can't help but always think: 'Why would he based on how the town has treated him for a solid 25 years.'

For me, connecting these dots naturally flows together, but I've had 10 years of practice writing trauma recovery, and 43 years of practice experiencing many different kinds of abuse and many different flavours of trauma recovery and I think, actually, I now have a weird skillset in this area that other folks don't have, or don't even know exist. So it's not something I 'wish' they noticed because firstly it would likely mean more readers who are victims, but secondly, I also appreciate having this be something more subtle, and it's not like I'm upset or angry when people say that Alex is the poor communicator because like, he is. He's a symptom of the entire town.

So it's like, it's normal for people to notice what's right in front of them (Alex not communicating well and then thinking his problems would be solved if he just talked about stuff, because there's this presumption that everyone wants to listen if he'd just...talk), that's actually the fun part of writing? I love the comments people leave so much, and I learn a ton, and I love the insights folks share. I'm sure people are noticing a lot of stuff like this and just not saying so. Especially folks who have lived these situations and just can't be fucked talking about it in comments because life's hard. (And it's also possible to notice that and still be mad or frustrated that Alex doesn't communicate more).

I don't think there's really anything else though. I think that's partly because I'm not... uhhh, sitting there going 'PLEASE NOTICE THIS' because the gift of writing serials for the most part is pivoting when people aren't noticing something subtle, and thinking 'this might be me not meeting the reader where they are, I can step it up in the next chapter.' So, I feel like I flow towards pushing the things I want people to notice or gravitate towards, and as a result, they almost always do.

And with the stuff they don't, there's usually extremely understandable life-experienced-based reasons for that!

...This response is really long x.x

26. Wild Card! I'll tell you a fun fact about this fic!

I have actually always imagined Alex and Sebastian making out together. I imagined it even before I wrote The Wind that Cuts the Night, but Alex/Sebastian fics existed, I didn't like them (no shade to those authors, but I clearly wanted a very specific crunchy kind of angsty toppy Sebastian fic and very understandably no one was writing my fantasies they were writing their own lmao), and I thought Elliott/Alex would be faster to write. (It was).

That's actually one of the reasons I make it clear that Sebastian is gay and topping the farmer in The Wind that Cuts the Night! And also why I felt it was important for Alex to know that. Even back then, I couldn't resist just a little tiny glimmer of some kind of chemistry, even if it was just friendship chemistry.

I find Sebastian really annoying as a spouse. He's one of my favourite NPCs to romance, and my least favourite to marry of the ones I marry. The storyline of Martingale divorcing him is based off me daydreaming about doing that (I can't because it's mean) in one of my farms. I found him cold and detached compared to many other NPC spouses, and too work-focused. So the premise of an older Sebastian recovering from being divorced for these exact flaws was extremely appealing and vindicating to me. Most people don't feel the same way about in-game Sebastian as I do, but I'm like 'you have so much potential and then oh no.' It turned out Martingale felt that way too, and eventually did something about it.

And that gave me a really flawed Sebastian to work with and that's been awesome.

I did always imagine him as being a dominant/top/sadist though. It's actually really hard for me to imagine him as anything else.

I don't think this fact is fun but it is a fact! Sebastian is a character I love but he's also literally 'I can improve him' and this fic is me doing that lol

~

From this meme!

[voxofthevoid]

I usually post these ~12 hours earlier, buuuut I queue these on Tuesday, usually, and this time, I lost track of the days/dates. That happens a lot, to be fair.

This fic is now a baby novel: 53k and counting. I only have 2.5 chapters left to write, at least.

Onto Time Travel Fuck-It Wednesday #6! Have some Nanami.

“Nanami,” Satoru greets cheerfully. “Where is he? You didn’t lose my Yuuji, did you?”

“He’s at the school with your first-years,” comes the clipped answer. Nanami opens the door wider with visible reluctance. “Come inside. We need to talk.”

Satoru whistles softly. “Sounds like I’m in trouble.”

Nanami doesn’t dignify that with an answer, turning on his heels and marching deeper into his apartment. Satoru follows, closing the door behind him, and isn’t particularly surprised to find a bottle of some liquor and a half-full glass on the coffee table. Nanami’s sitting in one corner of the couch, his hunched body and the tension thrumming in it reminding Satoru of how he found Yuuji after he introduced him to Megumi and Nobara.

That night ended very pleasantly, but Satoru doesn’t have high hopes for this conversation.

He takes the recliner opposite the couch, sinking into the plush upholstery. Nanami has the air of a man who’s considering his words. He’s dressed casually, in a long-sleeved t-shirt and sweatpants, but there’s nothing easy or comfortable about his posture or demeanor.

Sure enough—

“What exactly is your relationship with Itadori-kun?”

Satoru can’t help smiling. “You never change, Nanami.”

“Answer the question.” A split-second of hesitation, followed by— “Please.”

“You already know what Yuuji is to me. You wouldn’t bother with this little…interrogation otherwise,” Satoru points out.

He can hear Nanami grind his teeth. “You’re wrong.”

“Oh?”

“I know what you mean to Itadori-kun. I know nothing of your feelings.”

Satoru hums. “I think I should be offended.”

“Gojou-san.”

Satoru holds his arms up in a faux-conciliatory gesture. “Fine, fine. Yuuji is…” There’s a lot Satoru could say: special, beautiful, brave, damned. The list goes on, and each one is as true as the others. But in the end, it comes down to— “He’s mine.”

Nanami briefly, furiously screws his eyes shut. Satoru isn’t entirely unsympathetic, but then, what was Nanami really expecting? He should know by now not to ask questions he doesn’t want the answer to, especially if he knows them already.

Nanami says, “You’re going to kill him.”

Satoru doesn’t waver; he doesn’t allow it. “I am.”

“He knows.”

“He does.”

Dark, angry eyes skewer Satoru. “How do you justify this?”

“You’ll have to be more precise, Nanami.” Satoru smiles. Nanami gaze drops to it, and his whole face draws up tight. “What am I meant to justify? The killing? You already know why. I told you first thing. The loving? Are you saying I should’ve rejected him?”

“Yes. Obviously, you—”

“And then what?” Satoru cuts in, and he finds he can’t quite keep up that smile anymore. “Let him die a broken-hearted virgin? Why would I do that when I can give him what he wants instead?”

Nanami seems on the verge of rising from the couch and leaping at Satoru. He never will, of course. He’s one of the most controlled people Satoru has ever known. But it says something that Nanami’s tempted, and the fact that it shows is telling in its own way.

All this after two measly weeks—Yuuji really is something else.

“Don’t you dare pretend this was for his sake.” Nanami’s voice is even, but there’s an edge to the words that carve up the air between them. “You’ve never been anything but selfish, but this is downright cruel.”

“Ouch,” Satoru intones. “Tell me what you really feel.”

Nanami ignores him. “You can’t be so idiotic as to think it’s better for Itadori-kun to be killed by a lover.”

“Have you asked him? No, I know you haven’t. You should. The answer might surprise you.”

“I’ll do no such thing,” Nanami snaps. “That’s not a question any child should have to answer. And you—”

Satoru tilts his head to the side, watching Nanami’s mouth flatter into an even thinner line. “Go on.”

Nanami’s silent for the longest time. It’s not anything as wise as hesitance. His eyes are burning, and there’s a red tint to his ears and cheeks that has nothing to do with the half-drained glass of alcohol on the table. Nanami’s filters might be lower than usual or ideal, but he’s not lacking clarity.

There’s the fleeting thought that maybe Satoru should have answered some of his calls, just to let him get it out of his system in increments, all from a safe distance. Yuuji would have expertly handled Nanami in the aftermath, he’s sure. He might even have scolded Satoru, which is always delightfully novel.

But Satoru’s finding it hard to summon any real regret. He doesn’t want to antagonize Nanami. He understands where he’s coming from. He’s even glad, albeit in a distant way he can’t really feel at the moment, that Nanami’s already grown to care so much for Yuuji. He knows it’ll make Yuuji happy.

Still, something grates.

“Do you not care?” Nanami finally asks, so softly that Satoru’s skin prickles in alarm. “Or did killing your last lover rob you of whatever humanity you had left?”

Satoru laughs.

Mouth open, head thrown back, loud and unfettered.

He laughs until his eyes burn and throat aches, and he knows, the full might of the Six Eyes trained on Nanami despite the laughter racking his body, that it’s not the reaction Nanami expected. His expression is caught halfway between anger and surprise, and the end result is strangely comical. That doesn’t help Satoru calm down any.

It’s not funny, of course.

You don’t wield jujutsu to protect anything. You only use it for self-satisfaction.

None of this is funny.

By the time his laughter tapers off, the tension in the room is thick enough to cut with a knife.

“And you call me cruel,” Satoru says, still a little breathless. “Sometimes, Nanami, I think I can’t forgive you after all.”

To his credit, Nanami recovers quickly. “I don’t need your forgiveness.”

“I will anyway,” Satoru says, head still tipped back. He forces his eyes to focus on the blue-grey ceiling instead of Nanami. “Not for your sake. Not even for mine. But we didn’t survive this long to fight now. Yuuji would be sad.”

A strangled sound escapes Nanami. “Gojou—”

The front door bangs open.

“Nanamin,” crows a familiar voice. “I’m home!”

“Shit,” Nanami curses softly.

Satoru stays put, but his attention is a different matter, fixating on Yuuji’s presence with a fervor that burns him from blood to bone. It takes only seconds for him to enter the living room, and Satoru knows the exact moment Yuuji spots him.

His whole body sings.

“Satoru,” Yuuji gasps, distilled delight. “You’re back!”

Satoru raises his head, the smile on his mouth as helpless as it’s real. “Surprise. Did you miss me?”

[sheliesshattered]

We had a fabulous time visiting Batuu yesterday! Our outfits were comfortable and functional and well suited to what turned out to be a relatively cold and cloudy day in southern California. Disney cast members definitely seemed to interact with us more because we made the effort to dress up, and we got some lovely compliments from other guests, too. We were even gifted some BSO credit coins by random strangers who liked our outfits!

It was Jack's first visit to Batuu, and while I did get to spend a little bit of time there with my mom in October, this was my first opportunity to really explore the entire area, browse through the shops, and sample all the food and drinks available. It was at least as cool as my first impression of it back in October, and Jack was impressed and delighted by all of it. We spent a good portion of the day just admiring all the details and world-building and excellent sets.

Jack has requested no photos, but I did manage to snag this pic of him blocking the camera like a victim of the paparazzi, lol.

But look at those pleats! Both Jack and I are so pleased with how they turned out. Several of the Resistance jackets on display in the Rise of the Resistance queue had similar pleat details, and it was fun to look at them up close.

Over this last weekend and all the way up to late Monday night, I was able to add a few last details to our outfits. I finally adjusted the chain length of my dangley earrings and glued the leather cording wraps to the back of my kyber crystal necklace so that it wouldn't slip out. While I had the glue out, I figured I'd take a stab at making some spat-type things to cover the lacings of my tall Doc Marten boots. I was completely winging it from start to finish, but I'm really happy with how they turned out!

The spats are made from some left over suede I've had in my stash for literally more than 20 years now -- it's been used for an Aragorn vest for Jack, a couple of bags for me, and the inner layers of the big wedge shaped piece on my Oswin belt. And I still have some left over! Maybe I'll make myself a belt pouch to match these spats at some point in the future.

The narrow end of each spat tucks under the laces closest to the toe of my boot, and theoretically secures to itself with a hook and eye, though I found the hook didn't really hold from that angle, and really wasn't necessary anyway. The straps then velcro around the back of my leg, at the lowest point of the bend of my ankle, and right at the top of the boot, so that the strap sits just above the top edge of the boot in the back, which helps keep it from slipping down.

To make these I really just draped scrap suede on my boot while wearing it, started cutting it to the shape I thought might make sense, then copied that over for a second spat. I measured how much I would need for the straps and how much of an overlap I wanted for the velcro, then cut out all those pieces and glued them together using E6000 -- which works wonderful for adhering velcro to suede and suede to suede, but is a bit more iffy with the metal hooks and eyes (one eye popped off when I was taking off the spat at the end of the night, but since it wasn't staying hooked anyway, I'm not fussed).

Despite being such a quick off-the-cuff project, the spats worked out great, and added that last little bit to my outfit by covering the laces of my boots. They're visible in the third photo, the full-length shot in front of the door (and in the video below), and I think they add an understated bit of texture difference in all the black-on-black there, in addition to obscuring the modern look of the boots a bit.

Besides those detail bits for me, I also made a pair of little pockets for Jack's jacket, to hold 'code cylinders'. It's a tiny detail that really makes the jacket look that much more Star Wars-y, and the cylinders themselves are empty and their tops unscrew, so the space can actually be functional, too. (Currently they're filled with gum!)

And at Jack's request, I threw together a quick insert for the zipper section on his collar that used to hold the hood before we removed it. The hood was making the collar too puffy, but without it the collar didn't have enough body to stand up on its own.

I took some measurements, then cut a piece of cotton duck canvas (that I had originally bought to cover the zippers on my Moment vest, before I changed gears and made the Batuu vest instead) to the right length and about three times the height of the interior of the hood section. I did a simple zigzag tri-fold on the height, ironed it flat, and marked some guide lines perpendicular to the length. Then it was just a simple process of quilting the three layers together by machine sewing in short vertical rows ~1cm apart.

The quilting gave the canvas even more stiffness, and after that point it absolutely did not want to fold or droop along the short vertical axis. I slipped it into the former hood pocket (after snipping one corner to fit around the snap I hadn't accounted for), zipped it closed, and gave the whole collar area a quick pressing. It's removable if we ever need to, completely washable, and keeps the collar standing upright without looking too stiff. Jack was very happy with the result.

With our outfits finally done, we headed into the park around mid-morning, with a plan to stay late. I wasn't quite sure what to expect with Batuu Bounding at Disneyland (which is notoriously a bit more hit-and-miss than Batuu East, in Florida), but we got through security without incident and through the rest of the park without anyone commenting on our outfits. We saw someone else wearing the same leather-look leggings as me, and a guy wearing similar jacket and pants to Jack (but without the pleating), which made us feel like we didn't look too weird, by general Disneyland standards.

Once we were in Batuu, though, our bounding definitely got noticed more. A couple of fellow guests complemented our outfits (including the kind strangers who gave us the coins!), and cast members seemed way more interested in interacting with us in-character. I got to bring up a bit about the history I'd made up for Samæni Ray -- which led to one cast member later referring to me and Jack as "my friends from Denon!" All of the prep and character design made it a lot easier to think on my feet in those little improv interactions.

One cast member in particular kept finding us throughout the day, just suddenly appearing out of nowhere it felt like, and kept trying to sell us a speederbike that totally wasn't a broken down lemon.

Later in the day, he kind of sold us out to Kylo Ren and a pair of stormtroopers (but like, in a fun way, lol) which led to an intense interaction with Kylo Ren right up in both my face and Jack's. Kylo Ren is tall, and the voice and the mask and the body language was all perfect up close. There was a bit of nervous laughter on our part, but we kept our cool and convinced Ren that that since we'd only just arrived on Batuu from Denon, we couldn't possibly know anything about any Resistance activity in Black Spire Outpost.

We were way too in the moment to get any photos, but because we were dressed up and Kylo Ren was so much up in our faces, we did draw a bit of a crowd, so for all I know other people may have taken pictures or videos of the event, lol. My family has a saying about 'look hard' rather than take photos, and it was definitely that for us.

Overall the whole day was wonderful, and we ended up spending nearly 12 hours in Batuu without leaving once. I got to pilot the Falcon multiple times (though I can't really say I've gotten any better at it, lol), and got to try out gunner and engineer, too. We managed to ride Rise of the Resistance both during the day and again after dark, explore every part of Black Spire Outpost in detail, learn to play Sabacc with a cast member, have drinks at Oga's, and eat a bunch of really tasty, really well-presented food.

All together it was an excellent, excellent birthday. And we're already talking about when we might want to go back again.

[vampyrenn]

Stitches and Swimming (Steve Harrington x F!Plus! Reader)

♡ 𝕸𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙 ♡

♡ 𝕽𝖊𝖖𝖚𝖊𝖘𝖙 𝕽𝖚𝖑𝖊𝖘 ♡

♡ 𝕽𝖊𝖆𝖉 𝕻𝖆𝖗𝖙 𝕺𝖓𝖊 𝕳𝖊𝖗𝖊! ♡

↠ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕒𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕣: Steve Harrington x Reader ⌈Stranger Things⌋

↠𝕊𝕦𝕞𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕪: When You and Steve reconnect, you realize you have a lot to learn about each other.

↠𝕎𝕠𝕣𝕕 ℂ𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥: 7.1K

↠𝕎𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤: No Spoilers, No Y/N. Plus Size Reader. Canon typical injury/gore, black market doctoring, suggestive dialogue, heavy mentions of weight issues.

↠𝔸/ℕ: 3rd times the charm (hopefully…) I’m pretty sure fics won’t show up in my tags when I Queue them (sucks bc I queue them for before I get off work hah) but oh well! Sorry sincerely for spamming, I appreciate the love it got while it was up!!! but plz enjoy haha ^^;; FEEDBACK IS APPRECIATED, THANK YOU!!

»»————-　♡　————-««

Needle & Thread

In the weeks since your first date with Steve Harrington, you realized there were a lot of things you didn’t know about him. The innocent crush you’d had on him in freshman year hadn’t ever gotten past the ‘staring longingly’ phase, and now that you were seeing him regularly, you were learning all of the little things you had wanted to know back then. You’d made a list in your head of the ones you expected the least, and found yourself adding to it pretty often.

One, Steve was a certified lifeguard.

You’d been on your third date, headed home for the evening when he pointed to the public swimming pool, empty in the dark, and like he couldn’t possibly contain himself, exclaimed “Did you know I’m a lifeguard?”

“Yeah?” you had been dozing, lazily staring out the window and listening to the tape he was playing, but his excitement stirred you, and you played along, sitting up and glancing at the pool as you drove past like somehow you’d be able to see him on the guard tower.

“Since 1983, baby. Certified and everything.” He was immensely proud of that fact, if the huge grin on his face was anything to go by, and you couldn’t help but laugh. The idea of Steve taking so much pride in something so small was absolutely adorable.

“Was it for the bikinis or the mouth to mouth resuscitation?” He looked away from the road just for a second to glance at you, his silhouette lit blue by the dashboard, his proud smile turning smug.

“Both. Hey, you wanna come swim in my pool later?” He was only half-joking, and you both knew it, but you rolled your eyes at him anyway, sinking into your seat with a low groan.

“That’s your master plan? Hope I drown in your pool?”

“Almost drown, Sweetheart. I’m gonna save you, obviously.”

“My hero.” he laughed at your monotone, grabbing your hand and messily interlocking your fingers.

“You can count on it.”

Two, He was an amazing babysitter.

You’d been half right when you’d assumed that Dustin, the teenager he was constantly driving around and hanging out with was probably his best friend. The other half that you hadn’t expected was the entire group of smart-ass 13 year olds that Steve led around like a mother hen, Dustin included. You hadn’t even directly met them yet, but their effect on Steve was immediately noticeable.

It was sweet, seeing how much he cared while trying so hard to pretend he didn’t; driving them around, keeping them safe and watching out for them. You told him as much one afternoon over the phone, after he dejectedly told you he and their party-really, it was more like they just needed adult supervision- already had plans after his shift, and he wouldn’t be able to see you.

“You should apply for Dad of the Year, Harrington. I think you’ve got a real shot.”

He snorted derisively. “If not now, I’ve got a hell of a lot of practice for later, right?” his voice dropped an octave, softer now. “I’m sorry. You know I’d cancel, but…”

“No way.” You dismissed him immediately, “Someone has to look out for those kids, right? I’m glad it’s you. Just do me a favor and get them home safe, and you too. Okay?”

“Yeah…Course. You know I will.” You didn’t comment on how his throat sounded closed with emotion, his tone sounding a million miles away, and neither did he. You didn’t know what to say.

And finally, Three. There was something going on in Hawkins, and Steve was involved.

You were finding that one out now, after a late night phone call from Steve had you speeding to his house, lugging your entire sewing kit into your passenger seat. He hadn’t given you too many details and you hadn’t asked, more focused on how broken and tired his voice sounded, and his terrifying questions.

“Sewing is exactly like stitches, right? For wounds?”

“Yeah, I guess…Steve, what’s going on?”

“Can you do me a really big favor, sweetheart?”

That was what led you here, slipping into the Harringtons backyard where Steve told you he would be. Steam was rising off of the heated pool, but he wasn’t in it, the water still and glass-like. You approached slowly, your kit hitting against your leg with every step, anxiety rising, and then you finally saw him.

Steve was sprawled on a pool lounge, eyes closed in picturesque relaxation, though he was covered in dirt and dried blood. There were makeshift bandages around his torso and arms, and the large, dried red stains knocked the air out of you. The lights illuminating the patio made him look pale and corpse-like as you kneeled next to him on the concrete, bearing the sting of hard pebbles in your knees to look up at him. You took one of his hands and he squeezed, telling you he knew you were there, letting you brush your lips feather-light over his split knuckles. He hissed, and the sound snapped a thread supporting your composure.

“Oh, Stevie…” it was more a whimper than anything, your eyes already blurring with unshed tears, and he responded instantly, your heartbroken voice spurring him to action again. He sat up and swung his legs over the lounge with great effort, and you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding when you could see his eyes again, tired but alert, alive. A tear slipped from the corner of your eye, and he leaned in close, reaching for you.

You let him help haul you onto the lounge next to him, wiping your face clumsily with his dirty hands before tracing his fingers down your neck, your shoulders, slow and gentle. You sniffled.

“Hey. Hey, it’s okay.” Steve soothed his palms up and down your arms. “You should see the other guy.” He smiled, blood staining his teeth, and your stomach churned.

“How can you even joke right now?” You breathed, sadness and worry permeating through every word, and he closed his eyes again, smile dropping.

“Baby…” it was the first time he’d ever called you that in a serious way, but you were too upset to even notice, suddenly angry and desperate and hurt even as you fought to stay calm for him. Your tone betrayed at least some of it when you spoke, and his hands dropped from your shoulders.

“What happened, Steve?” His entire face twisted the moment you asked, eyes squeezing shut tighter and brows furrowing. He looked beautiful even now, if you ignored the harsh lights of the pool; caked in dirt and blood you weren’t sure was all his, his sweaty face tipped up to the stars. It tore your heart, leaving a raw edge.

“Not tonight. Please.” The desperation in his voice melted all of your righteous anger out of you.. “I…I can’t do this tonight. I promise you, soon, I’ll tell you everything. But not now.” His voice broke, and he dragged his hands through his hair, grabbing fistfuls.

Any other time, you would have pushed the issue; Instead, you breathed in deeply through your nose and leaned down, grabbing your sewing kit and setting it on your knees. Steve needed your support, and whatever the hell was going on, you’d give it to him, and anything else he wanted.

“We don’t have any way to knock you out.” you said softly, and you could feel him relax next to you as you dropped the subject. You bit back the acid in your throat.

Not tonight.

“S’okay. I can take it.” he shrugged, glancing to the patio doors behind you. “Let’s go to the kitchen. Cleaner in there.” you nodded, getting off the lounge and offering your hand to Steve. He took it, stumbling slightly as he stood, and your heart seized in worry. You took his arm in your own and helped him inside.

You’d never been to the Harringtons. King Steve’s wild parties weren’t really your scene, and you hadn’t been dating long enough that you’d felt comfortable just hanging out in his house. It was huge and nice, and you eyed the perfectly white countertops with trepidation as you laid out your supplies, Steve laying back on the kitchen island like a makeshift stretcher.

“Are your parents gonna, like, kill you if we get blood everywhere? Maybe we should go to the bathroom.” He wrinkled his nose in distaste and shook his head.

“We’ll clean up, they’re gone so damn much they’ll never notice. And there’s nowhere to lay down in the bathroom. Now patch me up, Doc.” he crossed his arms behind his head, closing his eyes and relaxing again while you got to work cutting the blood soaked wraps off and using a wet cloth to wipe away all the grime you could see. The kitchen was dead silent except for yours and Steve’s breathing, the sound of you scrubbing the cloth into his skin. The more dirt and caked blood you washed away, the more he looked like your Steve, although bone-tired and a little cut up, and you calmed.

He would be okay. You’ll make sure.

When he was as clean as he was going to get, you had him sit up for a second to take off the mud splattered vest he was wearing, tossing it somewhere behind you. You soaked a cotton ball with antiseptic, grabbing it with tweezers before turning back to him, settling between his thighs for a moment. He watched you carefully, studying your expression as you put your free hand on his knee, patting it.

“Lay down.” He didn’t argue, though you could tell he had something on his mind, just stretched out on the island again, groaning softly, and you assessed the real damage.

The gashes you assumed he wanted you to sew up were on his arms and torso, just where the largest amounts of blood had soaked into the bandages. The one on his arm was a relief; you knew you could superglue the cut back together, no sutures needed, and it would heal perfectly. The gashes on his torso were deep and ugly, like some animal had bitten chunks out of his hip, and you knew instantly they’d have to be stitched. They looked better clean, but they were still steadily oozing blood with no sign of stopping. The sight made you a little sick, but you just shook your head lightly and started cleaning the skin around the wounds. Occasionally, Steve would suck in a breath through his teeth, or grunt in discomfort, and you’d stop to coo and run your thumbs gently over his sides, desperate to ease his pain.

“Okay. I think we’re ready.” you took a deep breath, and Steve opened his eyes to watch you wash your hands and pull a box of latex gloves out of your sewing kit, putting on two pairs. His eyes went wide when you pulled the needle and nylon thread out of the bowl you’d been using to soak them in peroxide for the last 20 minutes, figuring that was about as sterile as it was going to get.

Jesus, I hope he doesn’t get an infection and die. I should have just dragged him to the hospital.

“That looks like a fishing line.” He said nervously, and you laughed despite yourself.

“It’s stronger, nylon. I think it’s close to what doctors use…” you trailed off, frowning, “this is really gonna hurt, Steve.” it would have hurt if you’d had all the right tools but no anesthesia, if you had actually been a doctor, even, but this was a total back alley operation here; you’d be lying if you said you weren’t worried about making everything worse.

“I know. I trust you.” His words were weak with emotion, but they hit you hard. “I swear I trust you.” He wasn’t just talking about the stitches anymore, opening his mouth with a rush of air, but you shushed him, putting a finger over his lips to stop him before he started. You’d promised him tonight, away from questions and answers, and you’d meant it.

He’s gonna have a hard enough time as is.

“I know you do.” you said firmly. He fully slumped against the table at your reassurance, shutting his eyes against the lights and the present.

You threaded the needle.

–

It was early morning by the time you finished.

Steve wasn’t dead, which felt like a rousing success considering you’d just played surgeon on his kitchen counter, but after he was already hurt, you’d pushed him to his absolute limit. Taking the slippery gloves off and washing his blood off of your wrists made you retch into the sink, his moans and screams ringing in your ears. He’d passed out a few times, and you’d cried at least once out of guilt, but it was over.

You turned to face him, pale, soaked in sweat and shaking. You’d brought heavy duty pain meds from your own house, something you’d gotten prescribed for a bad injury months ago; now you were both just waiting for them to kick in. your stomach knotted with regret as he groaned softly, and you reached out, gently threading your fingers through his hair, brushing it away from his damp forehead.

“M’sorry.” you said softly, voice cracking, “You did so good. I’m so sorry.”

He gritted his teeth, shaking his head imperceptibly. “No, you…” he huffed, like he didn’t have enough air to speak, “you…did good. Thank you…Sorry.” you leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead, pulling back and continuing to smooth his hair away from his face. It didn’t take much longer for the meds to kick in, and you waited until he was pretty out of it to get him up. You knew it would be painful, and you hoped he’d be tired and loose enough that it wouldn’t hurt so much to get to the couch.

There’s no way in hell he’s getting upstairs.

It took longer than you expected, he was heavy and breaks for him to catch his breath or moan in pain were frequent, but eventually he was settled under a thick blanket and sleeping like the dead. As tempted as you were to join him, you got to business wiping his blood off of the counters and floors, disinfecting everything you could and tossing what you couldn’t. You threw the denim vest into the washer, and the kitchen gleamed, no imprint left behind of the screaming man on the counters.

Your eyes burned from crying and exhaustion, but you forced yourself to go outside and wipe down the pool lounge you’d found him on, like scrubbing the blood off of anything he touched would make it all a horrible, confusing dream.

You didn’t sleep until the entire downstairs smelled like bleach. Steve didn’t stir at all the entire time, so you curled up on the loveseat opposite him, watching him and the sunrise with bleary eyes until you couldn’t keep them open anymore.

–

You woke up only a few hours later, suddenly too nervous to sleep. Steve still hadn’t moved, so you felt safe leaving long enough to go get groceries; you’d checked his fridge while you were cleaning, took one look at the number of frozen meals and leftover takeout, and decided you’d have to cook some real food for him when he woke up.

You sort of felt like a stalker, sneaking into his house from the backyard with a bunch of bags but the huge, empty house creeped you out, and you hoped cooking would fill some of the empty space. Imagining Steve here all the time, alone, made your chest ache.

He slept into the late evening, and you decided to just start on dinner; if he didn’t wake up, you could eat and save him the rest. As soon as you finished cooking, pulling out tupperware to put his portion into, you heard his soft voice drifting from the living room, calling your name. You flipped the burners and ran out of the kitchen.

His eyes were still closed, but his face was pinched, and he was clearly awake. He looked almost normal again, no longer paper-white and trembling in pain. You breathed out softly. “Hi, Stevie.”

“Hi, Angel.” He smiled briefly, but you could hear the strain in his voice, and he still didn’t open his eyes. Anxiously, you wondered if he was worse than before.

“How are you feeling? Need more meds?” He nodded, and you moved to the coffee table, grabbing the pills and bottle of water you’d set there. You pressed a tablet into his hand, and helped him drink down some water, tucking stray hairs behind his ears once he finished. He shifted slightly, letting out a groan, but looking far more relaxed.

“You're pretty good at this. Ever thought about being a nurse?”

“Steve, I’m pretty sure I almost killed you last night. Are you high?”

“No. Well, the pain meds…” he finally opened his eyes, meeting yours above him and giving you a goofy grin. The swelling on his face was already going down, but he was still puffy and bruised. He raised his eyebrows at you, and you rewarded him with a small smile.

“You’re so pretty.” You told him honestly, still running your fingers through his hair. He breathed a laugh through his nose, wincing in pain a second later.

“Wow, you sure know how to treat a guy who just got his ass kicked. Bet I look dead.” He sounded sarcastic, but you could see the warmth in his face. You shook your head, cupping his jaw tenderly in your palms.

“Nope. Just as gorgeous as ever.” He took in a sharp breath, closing his eyes as you kissed him fleetingly on his nose, his jaw, any bruise you could find that didn’t seem too sore, until he tilted his chin at just the right angle and caught your lips with his own. It was chaste, just a quick, sweet peck before he was pulling away with a satisfied grin that made an unexpected heat flare in your stomach. It was the first time he’d kissed you, and it wasn’t great; his lips were chapped, and he tasted like morning breath and the faint memory of blood, but it was Steve, so you chased him, kissing him again before finally pulling away and straightening up. The comfortable silence broke when his stomach growled. You grinned.

“Made you dinner, with real food. I’ll get you a plate.”

“God, you’re my dream girl.” you bit the inside of your cheek and turned your face away, waving off his compliments.

“I’m trying to feel less guilty about stabbing you with a needle.”

“I asked you to.”

“I know. And you owe me. So,” you trailed the tip of your index finger along his jaw, booping his nose and watching the dreamy smile spread slowly over his face while he stared up at you, “I bring you food, and you explain everything. Deal?”

“Deal.”

Measuring Tape

When you took the stitches out two weeks later, Steve told you he had a surprise for you.

You were a little worried, considering everything he had just ‘surprised’ you with recently; kids with superpowers and weird creatures from hell, Russian spies, shit man. It was insane, but you believed him; and you didn’t want anything to do with any super cool new lizard Dustin found.

He promised it had nothing to do with the Upside Down, so you agreed, and that Saturday he drove you up to Lovers Lake. Before you could make fun of him for trying to show you the make out spot he’d ‘invented’ himself as a surprise, he pulled a picnic blanket, a basket, and a small bouquet out of the trunk. You gasped, and you could already see him anticipating your reaction, eyebrows raised and expectant.

“For me?”

“No, for The Queen.” Smiling wide, you surged forward, taking the basket in one arm and the flowers in the other, stretching to kiss his cheek while he wrapped an arm around your waist, leaning down slightly to make it easier.

“You’re such a dork, Harrington.”

“In that case, I’ll just take this back.” He moved to take the basket from you, and you clutched it to your chest protectively, glaring at him and ripping yourself from his arm.

“No! Can’t back out now; I wanna have a picnic, and you said I can always have what I want.” You batted your eyelashes at him innocently, and he choked, face turning red.

“You’re gonna be the death of me, Sweetheart.” Looking down at the flowers in your hand and the man in front of you, you couldn’t help but disagree.

I think it’s the other way round.

—

Steve was a romantic, but he wasn’t a planner. Once you were both settled underneath a large tree, close enough to enjoy the sounds of the lake but hidden deep enough in the trees, you took it upon yourself to unpack the lunch Steve had brought, pulling out a six pack of beer and two sandwiches. You turned to him, one of your hands still in the basket, digging around for anything else.

“Quite the spread you got here.” You laughed, and he scooted closer, joining in. He put his hand into the basket, brushing yours for a second before grabbing two small plastic containers.

“You missed something.” He set them both on the blanket, eyeing you proudly and grabbing a beer. “There we go. Meal fit for a king.”

“Applesauce.” you didn’t have to say anything more.

“Okay, so I’m not the best at this stuff. Sue me.” He didn’t even seem the least bit embarrassed, nudging his knee with yours and taking a swig out of his bottle. Rolling your eyes, you kept searching the bottom of the basket before turning to Steve in confusion.

“Did you pack spoons?” The blank stare he gave you was enough of an answer, and you burst into giggles again, watching as he frustratedly put them away. “S’okay Steve, at least we have sandwiches and beer.”

“The most important food groups.” nodding sagely, he handed you a bottle and clinked it against his own lightly.

“Cheers. To not dying?”

Steve hooked an arm around your waist, pulling you closer until you were side by side on the blanket, squishing together. Your mind went haywire, suddenly all too aware of how big you were and just how much of you touched him. How much his fingers sank into your sides. “To my amazing, beautiful personal nurse.”

But you were a million miles away and frozen ridgid next to him, suddenly shattered. Sometimes it was so easy to forget, especially with Steve, but then one tiny thing would take you back, spiraling into a web of shame and self-loathing. The static cleared for a second when he cupped your face, his concerned eyes swimming to the surface of your mind.

“Sweetheart?”

He wasn’t smiling anymore, his lips pursed in worry, scanning your face for a clue. You forced yourself to speak, lead in your chest.

“Do you really think I’m pretty?” You meant it to come out teasingly, but it wasn’t anything more than a choked whisper, and you watched Steve’s expression as his heart broke. It made you feel worse. It melted into determination a second later, and before you could stop him he was gripping one of your thighs and dragging you into his lap while you squealed.

“Steve!” You gasped, and he grinned cheekily, adjusting himself before diving in for a kiss. It was messy and quick, the sudden rush of cold air leaving you light-headed when he pulled back a few inches, pressing his forehead to yours.

“I think…” He hummed, squeezing your thighs before running his palms roughly up your sides, tracing the curves of your torso clumsily in his hurry, “that you’re the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on.” your breath caught, and tears welled up in your eyes even as you shoved him away slightly.

“That’s such a line.”

“Just the truth, honey. Call it like I see it.” Honey. Oh, that was new. The domesticity of it felt good, and already your doubts were receding, just a little. Steve kissed you again, just a soft peck at the corner of your lips before he whispered, “Come swim with me?”

“In the lake?” you fully pulled away, staring at him incredulously. He was dead serious, if his face was anything to go by.

“I mean, we’re here…”

“I didn’t bring a suit.” his honeyed eyes sparkled with mirth and heat, hands still roaming your soft sides while he spoke.

“That’s funny, me neither. I’m sure we could find a really good way around that.” He was eyeing the gauzy white dress you were wearing like he was already imagining it slung over a tree branch.

“I’m pretty sure skinny dipping has an implied meaning…” he stopped his hands cold on your thighs, frowning, and you bit your lip, embarrassed that you had let such a petty comment through; Steve had never made you feel unwanted, far from it, but you couldn’t stop yourself.

“It means skin, and I’d love to see a lot more of yours.” his fingers played with the hem of your dress, dragging against the flesh just underneath, teasing and light. Breath catching and stomach flipping, you chewed on your bottom lip, Steve watching with rapt attention, brown eyes half-lidded and adoring. “C’mon, gorgeous. 10 minutes.”

Steve made it hard to feel self-conscious around him, especially when he was all over you like this, begging for a glimpse under your clothes. But still you shook your head, a smile starting to crack your somber face. He saw it, his own 100 watts bright as he realized it was working.

“I don’t wanna swim naked, Steve. Like, in general. What if someone came up here?” You defended, and he pulled you even closer in his lap, starting to press kisses all over your face.

“They’d get to see the hottest babe in the world having fun?” You laughed again, resistance flooding out of you as he held you even tighter. You were stomach to stomach now, something that probably would have given you heart palpitations in high school, but you took a deep breath and brought your arms around his neck. “Anyone would be lucky to even catch a glimpse, ‘n I get your pretty body all to myself? Feels like I won the jackpot. I’m not joking.”

“I know you’re not.”

When you nuzzled closer, Steve knew he’d won in his own way, even if you didn’t end up going swimming. That didn’t mean he had to stop trying to bribe you, though. He mouthed at your jaw, moving up quickly to nibble on your earlobe, with one finger hooked into the puff sleeve of your dress, dragging it tantalizingly slowly down your shoulder. His lips traced a path from your throat to the skin he’d exposed, and you sighed softly, threading your fingers through his hair and closing your eyes.

“Stevie…”

“Mm, little busy here baby.” His indulgent words were muffled against your skin and you giggled, squirming underneath him. You felt him laugh more than you heard it, pressed so close the deep vibrations of his chest echoed in yours. “You know, I’d have to stop if-”

“Shut up. I’m not going swimming with you.” groaning, he dug his teeth into your shoulder playfully, ripping a sudden gasp from you, eyes fluttering open in shock; Steve whipped his head up to lock gazes with you, an almost predatory grin splitting his face open.

“You like that?” murmuring heatedly, his hands trailed up and down your plush sides, occasionally moving low enough to grab handfuls of your thighs and leaving fire in their wake. How he expected you to respond with his hands all over you, mouth on your throat, you had no idea. Your brain was mush, senses both overwhelmed and desperate for more. Before you could even string two words together his mouth was on yours, more commanding this time, teeth and tongue and desperate breathing; While he had you distracted with his attention, he’d rucked your dress up to the tops of your thighs, lovingly tracing the stretch marks on the back of them.

Steve broke the kiss far earlier than you would have wanted, a little out of breath but still clearly on a mission, and you whined, wrapping your arms a little tighter around his neck to keep him close. With his eyes still closed and forehead now resting on your shoulder, he said, “So is that still a no on the skinny dipping, or…”

“You know, Lovers Lake is probably so gross. Imagine how many condoms and used needles are in there.” you wrinkled your nose, mood totally ruined; Steve seemed to agree.

“Wow, that’s sexy. You’re really getting me going here.” he pulled your dress back down your thighs neatly, though that didn’t stop him from immediately shoving his hands under the hem again, like he just couldn’t resist touching the skin underneath.

“You’re welcome.” He huffed against your skin, but you could feel his smile as he pressed a final open-mouthed kiss to your collar, tilting his head back a little to stare at you.

“What?”

He shook his head slowly, dark brown eyes never leaving your face, doe-eyed and soft. You stared back, studying the way his soft lashes framed his eyes, the beauty marks scattered all over his tanned skin, a thatch of dark chest hair peeking out from his unbuttoned polo; The green light dappling through the leaves scattered over his face casting him in a gold and emerald glow. Steve, totally oblivious to his effect on you, leaned towards you, tilting his head and looking at you through his thick lashes, wisps of hair falling forward and into his eyes.

“What are you thinking?” he asked, voice heavy. He was clearly waiting for a cue, a go ahead to kiss you again; you initiated instead, moving against him like you were trying to taste every bit of him before clumsily moving off his lap. He nearly growled in complaint, a rumble of displeasure coming from deep in his chest as he grasped at your hips, and you laughed into his mouth before breaking the searing kiss and standing up, legs shaky. He joined you a second after, steadying hand on your back as you wobbled; you shot him a grateful smile.

That every shitty guy I dealt with has been worth it.

“I’m thinking that you have a pool, and I have a bikini.” You said suggestively, and the hand on the small of your back moved to wrap around your side.

Astonished, Steve asked, “You do? Why didn’t I know this?”

“Why would you know? No one does.” Except for Claire, who had forced you to buy the damn thing at the mall, insisting that you might need it someday. Add that to the list of things you should thank her for, and would if she wasn’t always so smug about it.

“But I would have wanted to see. C’mon, we’re burning daylight, I wanna get a good view!” You laughed, Steve hustling to the car with the basket in one hand and the picnic blanket in the other. His hand didn’t leave your thigh once the entire drive home.

Made With Love

“I have a present for you.”

Steve was just showing up at your house for movie night, barely starting to take his shoes off in the entrance when you blurted it, unable to contain the excitement any longer. You’d been working on it in secret for months; since your third date, if you were honest, and finally you’d finished it the day before he was coming over.

“That’s a pretty good hello.” without missing a beat, he stepped forward and wrapped you up in a bear hug, and you instantly relaxed into him like you were always meant to be there. You crushed your face into his chest and inhaled the scent of his cologne, a hint of his sweat underneath melding with it into a smell that was uniquely him.

‘Hi.”

“Hey, Honey.” You felt him kiss the crown of your head before he pulled back a little, taking your face in his hands and pulling you away from his chest to brush his lips over yours. He gave you his typical winning smirk. “You got me a gift?”

“Correction, I made you a gift.” his hold on your jaw tightened almost imperceptibly, and his mischievous face broke open with affection and uncertainty.

“You didn’t have to.” he whispered, like he was surprised that you’d even considered doing more than the bare minimum for him; you wondered how often he got gifts from anyone at all.

Dating him, you realized that Steve hadn’t ever had someone to do things just because they cared about him, or wanted to see him smile; there were tiny strings attached to every kind of love Steve had known, except for Dustin and the other kids, and even then it wasn’t the same. They adored him, even if they didn’t want to admit it, but he was the mentor, the giver, and it both touched and saddened you that Steve gave them something he’d never had himself, from his parents or anyone else.

You were determined to give that to him, in whatever ways you could, so you just smiled and said, sweet as you could, “I wanted to.”

“Fuck. You know I-” he cut himself off quickly, turning red, “-thank you. Really, it means a lot.” His voice was hoarse like he was already fighting off tears and you nodded so you didn’t push him, kissing his cheek and returning to the bags he’d stepped in with while he stood frozen in the archway.

“So, what movies did you bring?”

It took 10 minutes and a lot of whining from him, but you made sure everything was set up for movie night before you brought the gift to Steve, no matter how eager he was. You’d wanted it to be casual; there was no anniversary or anything important going on, you’d just wanted to do something nice for him and you didn’t want him to feel like it was a big deal.

The point seemed moot when you passed him the white gift box and he was practically vibrating off the couch with barely contained excitement. Within seconds he tore off the lid and threw it aside, shushing you when you snickered at him.

Being able to watch his face shift as he realized what was in the box, like clouds breaking in the sky to reveal the sun, was more than enough payment for all of the work you’d put in for this moment.

“You’re serious?” he looked from the box back to you, then back to the box before pulling out the contents and holding it up to see it fully. You’d thought about making him a scarf, so he didn’t have to lie about needing one anymore, but you’d wanted to give him something he’d actually wear; plus, you had a promise to keep.

“I told you you’d be wearing one of my jackets one day, babe.” you reminded him, grin splitting your face open while he twisted it all around, looking at it from every angle, mouth gaping open in shock. It was a relatively simple looking windbreaker, navy and white and fitted to his measurements; you’d had to steal quite a few jackets until you’d gotten the fit you needed, but it was clearly worth it when Steve was staring at it like you’d handed him a fallen star. You’d even taken the time to sew in your own label to really make it yours, as well as his.

“You made this? For me?” You couldn’t identify the emotion in his voice, tight and strained, but you nodded, placing a kiss on his cheek; he didn’t look away for a second, putting the coat down in his lap and running his hands over the sleeves, like he couldn’t quite believe it was real.

“Just for you.” You confirmed, and he took one hand off of the jacket to pull you in by the waist, still without looking. You snuggled into his side, adding, “Made with love.” without thinking. Steve finally turned to look at you, eyes shiny with tears, clutching the jacket in his fist; your breath caught, and you instinctively reached up to cradle his jaw, tracing lines between his beauty marks with your fingers. He took a deep, shuddery breath and closed his eyes.

“Made with love, huh? You love me?” Despite his cocky phrasing, Steve’s voice shook slightly with fear, like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop, and you instantly knew why; Nancy and Steve were on good terms now, but you’d heard enough to piece together a few of the ways they’d hurt each other. He’d never told you much about the breakup, but you knew she was drunk, and angry, and said some things that had stayed with him ever since, no matter how badly you tried to wash it away.

“Of course I do.” You responded like there was never any doubt at all, and there wasn’t; You knew the moment you’d spoken it was true, it had been since your first date, draping you in a jacket he brought just for you, pulling you close at your door without any motives and promising he’d always give you what you wanted. He hadn’t broken that promise yet, and you doubted he ever would. You swiped your thumb under his eye, catching a single stray tear, and he gave you a sheepish grin.

“Thank you.” he murmured, pulling you closer to his side and inclining his chin to meet your mouth with his own; He tasted like chapstick-probably one he stole from you-and you could feel a flicker of fire in your stomach when he parted your lips with his tongue, gentle but insistent, running his hands through your hair and delicately over your arms and back like he was reveling in it. He pulled you onto him suddenly, swinging one of your legs over his so you could straddle his lap without breaking the kiss, the jacket crushed between you both as you pressed together, desperate to be as close as possible.

When you finally pulled yourself away, turning your head quickly so he couldn’t chase your lips, Steve whined. He looked amazing, lips red and slightly shiny with spit, parted just a bit so he could gasp for air, hair mussed from your hands, eyes wide and bright and so obviously in love it made you ache, toes curling in your socks. His eyelids fluttered for a second, like he was getting his bearings, and then he was smiling dopily at you, hugging you against his chest and pressing heated kisses along your jaw and down the curve of your throat, humming against you.

“Fuck. Love you so much, pretty girl. Just been waiting to hear you say it, you wouldn’t believe how long I waited. Worth every second.” he babbled against your skin adoringly, his teeth gently scraping your neck and tickling you; you giggled, pressing your face into his shoulder out of embarrassment, letting him trail his hands up your back soothingly. “Don’t get all embarrassed, I’m trying to be cute here.”

“You are being cute, that’s why I’m embarrassed!”

He laughed, shaking his head slightly. The mood shifted from playful to serious in the silence, and he started again. “Seriously, thank you. It’s-I… no one has ever done something like this for me.” He admitted, and you pulled away to look at him again- his eyes were downcast, staring into his lap where the jacket was crumpled between your stomachs. You scooted back a little and pulled it out from between you two, laying it neatly on the couch cushion next to you. He watched you silently before continuing, “I know I say that a lot, but it’s true, yknow?”

“I know.” You didn’t elaborate, and neither did he.

“I really do love you.” He clarified, and your chest swelled with pride; you had no idea what you’d done to deserve Steve, but you thanked whatever cosmic fate pushed him into your store for this moment, looking down at his honey-sweet smile while he professed his love on your parents couch. “We should elope.”

“Give me time to make the dress, okay?” you teased, and he leaned up to meet you again, laughing against your lips, starting to smile so big you couldn’t keep kissing him. You both settled again, resting your head on his shoulder while he traced patterns down your curves. “I love you too, Stevie.” you sighed, voice thick with emotion, and he pressed his cheek against your head, curling inwards so you could press yourself even close against him- you did, greedily.

“I know.” He repeated, voice was firm and solid, no trace left of the doubt from before, and you pressed a kiss to his collarbone in response.

“Good.” you followed his eyes back to the jacket next to you both, and you smiled a little. “You really like it?”

“I love it, baby.” He grabbed it, quickly throwing it over his shoulders and settling his hands on your hips, relaxing back into the couch. “How’s it look? As good as you dreamed?”

“Even better. I’m gonna have to start filling your wardrobe.” He visibly perked up at the idea and you giggled, brushing the tip of your nose against his and giving him another quick, sloppy kiss before clumsily climbing off of his lap to start the movie despite his protests.

You returned, settling yourself back into his lap without even thinking, and he sighed happily, resting his chin on your shoulder and wrapping his arms around you. You’d never thought you’d be comfortable enough with someone to be this close, but Steve made it so easy; it was shocking how wanted he made you feel with just a few touches.

Without looking away from the screen you reached back and rested your hand on his cheek, running your thumb over the apple of it and murmuring “Thank you, Stevie.” You knew you didn’t have to say what for; Steve always knew when it came to you.

“Nothing to be thankful for,” He breathed into your ear, kissing the skin just behind it. You felt his smirk, and then he mumbled “So are you gonna make me that scarf, or…?”

[kingkatsuki]

This game is so cute! Can I participate? I'd want to marry Kirishima in some tacky chapel in Las Vegas 😂

Kirishima had been thinking about how he would propose to the love of his life since he was a kid, dreaming up the most elaborate schemes and ideas that would end in an extremely extravagant ceremony with all your friends and family there— so of course when he proposes to you it’s a big deal. The entire Bakusquad behind him to help as he takes you to the location of your first date- flowers, food, champagne— everything to make it special. Down on one knee as his friends cheer from their hiding places as you say yes. Even Bakugou is smiling as he watches his teary eyed best friend get up to kiss you- the kiss salty from the tears falling down his cheeks.

Of course you both start planning your wedding and Kirishima immediately starts going into details about venues, catering, flowers— everything. It’s going to be the biggest Pro-Hero wedding for years, and no expense spared for you. Because you deserve the best. But one day you’re sitting in the kitchen with Kirishima, watching him dance to a song on your playlist as he pulls some leftover pizza from the microwave and turns to you with a smile on his face and the words just slip from your mouth, “we should get married.” And Kirishima tells you that you are getting married as he holds up your finger. But you’re just like “I meant now.” So queue Kirishima texting your best friend and his as you pick last minute flights. Bakugou swearing down the phone at him as you meet at the airport. The wedding the most random, out of this world experience as you buy your dress on the way to the chapel, Bakugou filming the entire thing on his iPhone as you giggle at the altar with Kirishima, who is upset when it isn’t an Elvis impersonator marrying you, just a random officiant😂 and then you’re driving to one of the casinos. Kirishima buying a bottle of champagne for you as you upload a picture of your wedding to social media. The internet blowing up that Red Riot is off the market just like that and now the media is annoyed they didn’t get access to your special day. Just having the best holiday with your closest friends and having Kirishima introduce you to everyone in the casino as “my wife.”

[oneiricazalea]

Been feeling deeply negative and hopeless with a lot of self-neglect and suicidal ideation since November. Life goes on though, and I don't really want to end a calendar year dooming and glooming entirely; despite everything, I have a little hope for next year, and there is so much i really do want to accomplish. I'm also reminded that it's okay to live for the little things... S o, trying to think of things that were good this year and/or that I accomplished, even if small 🫡

In Hobbies

I learned that my keyboard still works after years of sitting in my closet, so I'm gradually getting back into learning how to play and how to read music sheets. This alongside having bought a kalimba on a whim, and generally being glad that although it's been very slow, I haven't given up just because I'm not immediately good at either. My hope is to feel like I've learned enough to justify getting a guitar to learn with next year.

We most definitely aren't hitting our November-made goal of finishing two books by the end of the year, but my best friend and I did begin reading, and that's the important part. It has been fun trying to get back into reading than just thinking about reading and bemoaning how I haven't really tried since school, and I'm hoping after the four books we got together, I can finally get through The Eye of the World!

Likewise started reading fanfiction again. So many authors I've looked at are so skilled and generally amazing, and I'm reminded of how nice it is to just turn the brain off and read about the same characters in different scenarios again and again, with a different flavor each time from the unique writing styles that are out there. Thinking of starting a sideblog where I can comfortably reblog and cry in the tags about my favorite pieces and series /thinking

My brain still short-circuits when I try to crochet and count my stitches, but I started. Again. Grandma bought a bag containing a bunch of little... sample-sized? yarn for me to play with, so I'm going to do my best to learn it properly this time...! Apparently it's good to have a hobby dealing with one's hands, and drawing is too categorized as 'work' in my head to be good for de-stressing I think, so I'm going to hope for the best with this-

My friend and I finally finished the second 'arc' of our roleplay story- after this story has been rebooted long before we could ever hit that point in the past, it's finally done, and we've come out of it with a lot of new characters we love! I'm excited to move onto the next one, as extremely dramatic as it's going to be from the jump lmfao

In Drawing & Work

My decade-old computer is going to be tentatively retired soon, shortly into the new year. I worked hard to afford the newcomer, a funky little mini PC with 8 more gigs of RAM than i am used to working with, and my dear 2010-something PC has earned a rest. Looking forward to something that will hopefully be able to handle my timelapse recordings and letting me get back into editing together videos...!

^ A little more financial responsibility this year than in all the others to get to that goal. I've actually been really good at saving and not impulsively buying things when sad lately.

My work ethic has been better this year, and the old commission queue has been cut down by a lot. It could always be better, but this is a start and it's been a steadier climb than before. I think the waitlist will finally be cleared in the first quarter of 2024.

I've been more adventurous this latter half of the year with YCHs and background work. It's not always successful, but it has to start somewhere. I think I've been a little better at not feeling so immediately down by a lack of feedback there and on other art pieces too, to a degree.

This year did continue the trend of drawing less even for personal enjoyment... but the things i did manage, I think, were more experimental too. I'm ending this year off feeling ambitious for certain projects in 2024, including getting more into making pixel page dolls and trying to make an OC animatic. I've never really done either, but I'm eager.

For design work, I got to do the weapon design for a vtubing friend; the character + weapon design for their friend, and that design was adapted into a vtuber model by one of my favorite artists! Currently now doing another, related design. I also got to do the Genshin verse clothing design for my best friend's OC. It's been a fun year of designing character things in general, after feeling so iffy on my designing capabilities. I like to think I'm improving.

For personal designs, I'm pulling my teeth with finally solidifying the 37+ characters that need to be finalized for story and splash art type things, but I am still fond of a few of this year's OC works! Sarvazad, even if a lot of elements were adapted from Dottore's design to make them kinda match-y; Seijaku's most recent design cleaning, even if it will be updated again soon; and Sirin finally has an outfit that is a step in the right direction I think—to be edited still, because it is not quite the degree of "character is a dying mage but also uses daggers" that i want, but this is closer than she's been in the last decade.

Gradually getting more comfortable in Clip Studio Paint... I still do all my shading in Sai, but at least for sketching, lining, flats and final adjustments, Clip has been good. I like Perfect Pencil and HiBiSoft. For funsies, my favorite brushes are under categories named after the Harbingers/commedia dell'arte.

Trying to learn how to animate little things. It's unfinished, but there was a fun instance with the Red Flags meme, and now trying to learn Procreate Dreams.

In Games

In January, I finally really got into Genshin Impact after only tentatively trying it now and then since its release, and that's been the hyperfixation of the year for sure. I love what lore I understand; the music is everything to me. Polumnia Omnia and everything from Vortex of Legends are still my favorite tracks. A little AU roleplay was done, and although an OCs-getting-isekai'd-into-Teyvat never took off from planning, it was very fun to imagine different scenes and dynamics playing out!

Played a lot of FFXIV with friends and my brothers off and on, finishing Shadowbringers I think this year and tentatively stepping into the beginning of Endwalker. I still need to continue EW, but I know I felt so much and could not stop thinking about the events of Shadowbringers, and just fawning over my WOLs Theia and Sif in general. Re-experiencing ARR in another playthrough has been fun despite the slower beginnings. I don't think Equilibrium will ever be replaced as my favorite music from the game, but... White Stone Black is spoilers for me, but super enjoyable; I didn't know anything about Don Quixote until then, so I can say I learned something from a lyric analysis. And I loooove Dalnodo's cover of Dedicated to Moonlight ♥

Finally in earnest started playing Monster Hunter World with my brothers and my best friend; many laughs, a lot of learning, and me gradually going even more nearsighted and misreading Radobaan's name had us renaming it to Radobean, affectionately just Bean. And then the new MH was announced, so that was a nice surprise-

Misc.

Socially, it feels like this has been both my most and least social year LOL;; I'm still extremely nervous about talking to people, but I'm trying not to be so harsh on myself in the moment. It feels like... it should be less "God I'm abysmal to talk to" and more "It's okay to be awkward. Just be honest and kind." I want to try reaching out to people more. Trying to find the ability to hold a conversation, but that hopefully just comes with practice.

I finally talked a little about what I would perhaps have at least wanted to do, if I had stuck school out. It turns out 'mortician' and 'embalmer' are in the same field but not the same—not really. Embalmers handle preparing the bodies. I don't know yet if that's what I want to do for sure, if I think it'll be worth the schooling and debt—and it feels supremely ambitious whenever I think of jobs that would require leaving the house after being a shut-in for so long—but I think at least talking about the future for once, when my caregiving work is over, instead of staying clammed up about it has helped somehow.

Before dropping out of high school, my room was also my classroom. I realized earlier this Fall that I actually still hate being in my room all these years later. I think, after a bit of cleaning and rearranging and downsizing on a lot of old belongings, I'm a little more willing to be in there besides just to sleep. Little by little, I think that space is becoming mine again.

There are probably other things, but I can't remember them at the moment—and this list ended up getting longer the more i wrote and remembered anyway. I struggled a lot this year, but I think I did more than I've given myself credit for 😌

I guess I can consider this my year wrapped? Something I can look forward to re-reading at the end of next year, and seeing if I progressed in some ways 🙏

[sufficientlylargen]

Turkish tea, chamomile, matcha

(From Tea Asks)

turkish tea: where have you travelled?

I've taken "normal" vacations to a few places - London, Paris, a small town I don't remember the name of but somewhere between Toulouse and Carcassonne, once to Nassau - but the majority of traveling I've done has either been for my own academic reasons (e.g. a conference in Hong Kong, going to Arecibo with an astronomy professor for whom I was writing software, a glee club tour of Brazil, a band trip to Costa Rica) or because my spouse was going to a conference and so I came along just to see a cool city (Honolulu, Cardiff, Krakow, Lausanne).

Also one year my spouse had conferences in Venice and Cardiff within a month of each other, and we convinced the entire engineering team of the tiny company I worked for to do a half-work, half-vacation retreat where we got airbnbs in Venice, then Munich, then Vienna over a three-week period, so that was a lot of fun (I loved Munich's entire-island-spanning science museum, and really should go back there again someday since the time we had wasn't enough to see all of it).

chamomile: comfort movie?

Hmmm. I don't know that I really have one? I mostly watch things if other people are watching them with me, and play video games if I'm just entertaining myself. But if I had to pick one, it would probably be one of A) The Road to El Dorado, B) Bringing Up Baby, or C) Star Wars: A New Hope.

matcha: favourite book?

I am very bad at picking favorites of anything, so here are a few:

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy will always hold a special place in my heart, it being a book that I memorized much of as a child. I suspect it was very influential in shaping my sense of humor.

This Is How You Lose The Time War, by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone, is probably the best book I've read in recent memory. I would describe it as a queer enemies-to-lovers story against the backdrop of a massive war fought across all of time and space between two incredibly technologically advanced civilizations. It's partly epistolary, and the writing is absolutely beautiful. And of course there's lots of time travel.

The entirety of Terry Pratchett's Discworld series.

The Murderbot Chronicles, by Martha Wells. One of my favorite protagonists.

I wrote the post up to this point and now any time I try to add more and save or queue the post it reverts to this state, sitting in my drafts, which is weird. I'm gonna try just posting it outright and see what happens

[mickmundy]

Hello dutchie! I've re-read your fics multiple times now and now I want to write my own! I have to ask: do you have any writing tips or advice about fanfic in general? I enjoy your pacing but I have no clue how you manage to update every week. Cheers!

OH MY GOD EEEEE ;___; IM SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT MY FRIEND!! AND HIII ^_^ that's so awesome im so proud of you!!! hmm idk if i'm really a great person to get advice from, this is just stuff that works for me personally and my hectic irl schedule so just take it with a grain of salt!! ;-; <3 BUT i will gladly talk about it HEHE!! i'll actually just make an entire post about my writing process at some point because making long posts forces me to reflect and i'm overdue for a Self Reflection on how i write so! if/when i do that i'll link it back on this post heh ^_^ BUT ANYWAY!

i have a few Personal Rules about posting/writing fic that i must never break... and this is...:

feel free to break up your (longer) fic into parts. this prevents SO much burnout and gives you time to breathe between writing! if you're in it for the long haul like me, it's easy to get overwhelmed and feel like you're on a Crunch, which is never good! :'(

so i don't technically write a new chapter every week and post it on friday; i've had malus, for example, complete for a few months now! and so now it just "posts on a queue" where i just upload the next chapter every week! so for example, if malus is 21 chapters, at 1 chapter a week, that gives me 21 weeks (about 5 months) to write my next fic. that's a lot of time!

always finish the fic before you post it. this seems super unrealistic At First but i love the "arc/seasons/parts" style of posting, especially if it's long fics. nobody's saying you have to finish a 293849283498234 chapter fic in one day LOL but if you find that you're overwhelmed at the idea of writing Long Fics, then don't write one! write shorter parts that Combine and Create a long fic! :-) see what i mean? this is also an effective way to show time passing in your fic instead of just "~*~ two years later ~*~"-type of disclaimers.

chapters shouldn't be more than like... 3 google doc pages and paragraphs should be broken up. i like keeping my fic chapters short-ish so that they're easily digestible and force readers to Linger on the parts that i want them to. giant walls of text can sometimes put Huge Moments in your fics at the risk of getting lost!

let yourself sit on it for at least 2 days before you post it. do not read your own fic during the "sitting on it" time. let yourself back away from it and invite your mind to think about other things!! i've caught a LOT of my own mistakes or inconsistencies this way!

much easier said than done, but try not to let yourself get wrapped up in "the numbers" of posting (views, kudos, etc). obviously our goal as creatives is to get our work seen, but please remember to value yourself and your art above the numbers game! ;-; it literally took me a year (as of january lol) of constantly promoting my fics on twt (and later on here once i made an acct) before i found all of the amazing readers i have now! ^u^ and i wouldn't trade them for the world. i'd happily take 10 readers who comment and talk to me like a person over 100 hits/kudos or whatever!

that being said, don't be afraid to promote your fics. i felt annoying and stupid promoing mine but i'm ultimately so glad i did

there are probably others but i think these are my biggest ones (other than delving into like. tf2-specific "guides" i have for myself but i won't bore you with those). as far as tips for outlining or planning, i just have a channel in my gf and i's server dedicated to my fic that i post random snippet's i've written and want to include, random one-word concepts, like literally any time my brain has a Fic Related Thought i slap it in there. i'm also a huge fan of Linear/Traditional outlining too and do that with my more Complicated/Larger concepts that i want to execute in my fics so that i can stay consistent! :-)

ILYYY BEST OF LUCK ON YOUR FIC WRITING ENDEAVORS MY FRIEND! ^u^

[hauntedpearl]

I posted 34,537 times in 2022

That's 10,976 more posts than 2021!

1,082 posts created (3%)

33,455 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@hauntedpearl

@casismybestfriend

@youcaneven

@ourflagmeanslgbtqia

@autisticandroids

I tagged 6,350 of my posts in 2022

#doe is talking again - 157 posts

#doe's inbox - 145 posts

#scream - 57 posts

#srb - 55 posts

#unreality - 55 posts

#jaane queue? - 54 posts

#oh my god - 53 posts

#destiel - 53 posts

#doe's reading beat sheet - 51 posts

#anyway - 49 posts

Longest Tag: 96 characters

#🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

i love black pete as a character because the representation when it comes to him is just soooooo good! he's got a speech impediment! he has a cleft palate! he's a shithead! he's gay! sometimes you wanna kill him and that's okay! he hates sewing! he whittled a wooden finger for his boyfriend!! he's in love! he dressed up in the drag of the rich french for a talent show!!! he contains multitudes!!!

1,388 notes - Posted April 15, 2022

#4

the thing that is so compelling about destiel to me, personally, is that yes it is about these big, sweeping moments that impact the entire universe and God's plans for his little ants and declarations of love that bend the will of the fates but also. it's in the way cas hooks his pinky around dean's when they sit next to each other. swap the food from each other's plates when they're eating out. the unconscious leaning of their bodies towards each other for no particular reason. in how cas can make dean laugh and dean can get cas to smile and sigh and slouch in a way that shouldn't be possible. they watch movies together. dean wants cas to know the songs he loves. cas doesn't quite understand it but he indulges dean so much anyway. he will say werepire because he knows how dean gets about these things. he will endure a history lesson on cowboys that he doesn't need. when dean cooks, he eats. dean hands him a beer, because that's how he knows to include him, and cas drinks it because dean handed it to him. these are all strange things, but they are also strange things love makes everyone do. it's the absolute mundanity of their love that gets to me. it's beautiful because it's not exactly special or unique but it is extraordinary. it's not something that people don't find in their lives. they do. they have. they will continue to. it's just so very human. and it defeated God.

1,483 notes - Posted August 2, 2022

#3

i love castiel supernatural so much because he's such a manipulative little shit like he figured out that if he did the face (🥺) and babygirlified himself to dean, he would get anything he wants and then he kept doing that for like four years and it kept working. like. at the end of s6 when he wants something from dean he's like 🥺 i always come when you call (has not come when called the entire year) 🥺 and i am your friend (literally lost focus and had a consensual workplace relationship) and dean's like 😠🙄😒😐😪 okay fine. LITERALLY PLAYS HIM LIKE A FIDDLE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1,508 notes - Posted October 4, 2022

#2

one of the most hilarious things on supernatural is how they try to convince us that dean knows how to talk to/interact with women. like in heaven can't wait, he's giving cas advice about the date with nora and i can't help but sit there laughing because dean is A LOSER!!!! YOU THINK HE KNOWS DATE ETIQUETTE?????

like literally his entire MO with women is he'll get drunk, look pretty and walk up to women who are also equally drunk and pretty. then he'll say the most ridiculous shit that the straight people on too hot to handle say to each other, and it only works because all parties involved are already on the same page wrt to where this is headed. like man has not been on one date in his entire adult life. i bet the only time he actually went on a date would've been, like, when he was with cassie and he probably did something so weird and insane that she was like omg i have to keep him he'll kill himself otherwise he's a weirdo.

and even the shit he tells cas is like. the most generic crap you hear on soap operas and sitcoms that doesn't actually help anyone so like I guess that insinuation isn't all that strong but it is still hilarious that they treat him as some kind of expert in this kind of interaction when he's probably the worst of them all.

1,659 notes - Posted January 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

ryan is actually the best ghost hunter in the world because he wants to find evidence so bad but every time there's even a shred of it he just hates it so fucking much he's like oh my GOD do you HAVE to be here can't this place be EMPTY like dude. you're so insane i love you.

8,290 notes - Posted September 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[solyankapal]

finally got to have a beautiful trip back to Prague with me wife which happened to coincide with our anniversary of the day she moved in with me EIGHT YEARS AGOOO

I wanna commemorate the trip and a nyeuw extra special anniversary so here’s my many cute pics and a mini bio comic in a lengthy blog post I have to apparently divide into multiple reblogs because there's an image limit in text posts now.....

so the day of our moving in together anniversary (7th of june which is also Prince’s and Tom Jones’ birthday lol) was two days before our leave to Prague and started out mega chaotic

we walked for ages in the heat struggling to find the PCR testing station I wanted us to get tested at to be sure for grandma, dm’s card machines weren’t working and caused a queue throughout the entire store, Rewe had zero of the products we needed and then we hastily cleaned some more before a new petsitter came over for a meet&greet

after the meeting (which went great) we saw the restaurant we wanted to pick something up from was closed so we ended up deciding eating out at a chinese place we haven’t been to in a while which has lots of outdoor seating and likely wouldn’t have been so full

we got nice seats and though people ended up sitting closer to us than I liked our second eating out at a restaurant since the pandemic started was BEAUUUUUTIFUL and delicious. szechuan chili and dried chili peppers upon szechuan chili and dried chili peppers with a lovely view over the Spree

Then the next day it was time to pick up our rental, make a grocery store trip to get gifts for my family and then pick up a bunch of paintings from our old neighbors who let us store a few when we couldn’t manage to take more in last year's move

At home we finished up packing, received our negative test results, I finalised and printed the instructions for our petsitter and the next day we were ready for our trip

A loving goodbye to the cats and we started out, we stopped at Burger King halfway and spotted this gem out in the parking lot:

Apart from trucks clogging up the left lane by overtaking and wasting other people’s fuel the ride was a breeze and pure driving time was only around three hours

Having arrived in Prague we got a lovely sunset to admire from my family’s apartment

We decided to go out to pick up takeout from a restaurant we often pick up from and yellow roses were blooming at the nearby roundabout

Back at the apartment the wifey was greeted by a large nub tailed cat

Food was madly delicious and my wife got to enjoy plzeňský beer from the tap again which you can takeaway at that restaurant

(tripe soup, šopský salát, smoked pork belly with horseradish, mustard and bread and pork steak marinated in herbs with roast potatoes)

Friday was a free chillout day before going to grandma's cottage the next day, only thing we did was get takeout for dinner again, this time at a restaurant down by the forest in front of the apartment which has this cute old gate next to it. We got chicken schnitzel with mash potato and beef tartare with topinky (fried bread slices you rub a garlic clove on before adding the tartare)

On Saturday it was time for our date with grandma, my aunt and two cousins <333

Potato dumplings with broiled cumin pork and sweet cumin cabbage and gravy was waiting for us and it was of course mind blowingly delicious

We stayed at grandma's summer cottage/Chata/Datscha all day and to follow in the next cut are the most beautiful pics from the entire trip because my grandma's garden is a magical wonderland

[a-polite-melody]

Well that post I just reblogged (there are probably other posts there now that my queue popped out but yeah) brought back a memory from when I was like… around 12 years old, I think?

I remember we were at some of her friends’ cottage, and those friends had… three kids I think? Important thing is that there were some either close to my age or older, and there was one who was 5ish.

I was sitting at the end of a couch with my back turned to the arm rest, and I was talking to my mom and someone else… anyway, not entirely important, mostly important that my back was to the arm rest and there was conversation going on. And without any warning, I have something jump onto me from behind making a bunch of noise. I turned around and reflexively put my hands up to block my face, and my fists clenched.

…and my mom tried to ground me for threatening to punch a 5 year old.

It took a while but I eventually did get her to listen to me and like… see my perspective of having been startled because I didn’t see or hear the 5 year old until I was jumped on, and that reflexes work faster than the brain can register, “oh hey, the thing that jumped on me isn’t a predator trying to eat me, it’s a small child trying to play.”

That was some actual bullshit. And very much indicative of how my mom treated me when other children were around. When a friend sleeping over had a night terror (I was… 7? 8?) which also woke me up in a completely terrified state, she spent a long time comforting my friend (my mom’s boyfriend was trying to calm me down), and when she finally came downstairs and saw me sobbing she gave me no comfort, and made some comment I don’t exactly remember except for remembering that it hurt and then I told her I felt like she didn’t love me, which had her sign me up with a psychiatrist (instead of realizing the problem there wasn’t with me, even if I did have mental health stuff going on, the problem here was her). She tried grounding me for doing something my (kind of) step sister had literally just done right before me and she’d laughed at.

She was just… so fucking focused on how other parents would judge her that she disregarded her own child. And I’m not sure she realized she was doing it. But I could feel it.

And that post I made that blew up about how scream-crying kids aren’t doing it to make their parents lives harder? I put in “lives harder” to make the post more general, but I initially wrote it with “look bad” because that’s a lot of how I feel my mom’s parenting of me ended up conveying—I was an embarrassment and making her look bad (and making me feel like that only added to whatever other big feelings I was having (which were probably from sensory overload because my autism wasn’t even recognized, much less accommodated for, in my childhood)).

[fizzingwizard]

Was curious how many of the Sims 4 bugs on this list I've encountered… it's a lot

Part One because I guess this is too many bugs even for tumblr hahaha

Jumpy Animations/Sims teleport - since a long time ago but worse now Routing/Sit down issue on several interactions - love to watch my sims wander around like ants looking for somewhere to sit with a chair right in front of them. especially love when I tell me sim to go play a game at the card table in the same room, and instead they go outside, walk around the entire house, come back in and then sit at the table. guess they just felt like a walk first lol Music from other modes Plays During Live Mode - yup and usually overlapping. fix with restart but it often happens in CAS where you lose all your stuff if you quit… Lag for menu to show up when clicking on objects - especially the fridge/oven!!!! Sims keep moving after paused Sims do DU homework under laptops - not just DU tho I get this for anything that can be done at a table, including eating, and sometimes it's not even a portable laptop but a computer Sim won't accept queued commands/ Sims don't do actions - this was supposedly "console" but as a non-console player I know it happens to the rest of us too. also to most of us Lots with manipulated terrain look realistic/strange in world view - idk if this is a bug, i think probably that's just how it appears. but it is weird Fishing Identification for active Sim with no fishing skill - I think this one has been around since base game. Sims 4 really wants everyone to love fishing. I'll be like. mourning the death of Sim Grandpa. And all of a sudden 6-year-old Sim Grandson will "identify the Perch!" Multiple daily calls for sim to switch careers - CONSTANTLY. EVEN WITH PHONE ON SILENT MODE! Excessive use of Cross Stitch Basket - yep. I get it the worst with cross stitch, but I find it annoying that other hobbies which cost money like knitting and painting are autonomous as well. Either there should be a "practice" object which is the default and is free or this stuff shouldn't be autonomous. Food too tbh… I have tried playing rags to riches before, and one reason I gave up was just this - it was so hard to keep control of finances because sims have no concept of saving pennies lol Railings Clipping Through Walls - hate this so ugly Multi-story columns misaligned Foundation becomes see-through Sim Gets Fear of the Dark After Being Cured - all the fears and wants sucked. they're boring, curing then is boring, they have little impact except just ruining your sims day, and YEAH, they come back after being cured!! best to turn it off just like neighborhood stories Constantly dirty surroundings moodlet from Pressure Cooker and Kettle - I'm not 100% sure I've got this one, I will check the next time I play. However I've had multiple issues with these objects: sims constantly cooking with them when their queue is empty, and constant fires originating with them. Lately my sims was complaining her kitchen was dirty but I could not find anything dirty. She's a Neat sim, but even after having her clean everything, and then going into build mode and moving stuff to look for plates that might have gotten stuck under objects and are hard to see, the room still registered as dirty. I'm thinking it was the pressure cooker or kettle, or maybe even pizza oven which she also has Upgraded beds give two contradictory moodlets - yup spend hours upgrading your bed and the sims like "what a bad sleep!" Sims on home lot don't take care of needs when active sims away - yeah two sims in my house recently almost starved bc of this NPCs take food ordered by active Sim - yup! again ruining my rages to riches haha No evolve option (ready to evolve) - yes and yes I've checked that the plants are in season. Also having major issues with other gardening things especially on community lots Very High Household Bills While On Vacation Campfire causes too many fires - really frustrating for me bc I use the campfire a lot. I absolutely love camping gameplay but between constant fires and thunderstorms where you're 100% guaranteed to get electrocuted (9_9) it really sucks