#I love seeing the less amount of wraps on his wrist every week

[bengals-ix]

Joe at practice earlier this week🤍

[scribble-dribble-writes]

When the night calls

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Pairing: Miguel o'hara x female reader

Word count: 1800

Warnings: none

Content: hehe angst, love sick soft Miguel 🥹😌

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When the moon rises, so does your alternate life. The one you’ve kept hidden, the one that could cause damage and let people know of your weakness. Being a superhero meant having no loose ends, strings that you could get caught by, so in a life that was deemed for you to be lonely in, you had found a way out of it.

You evaded the street scanners and cameras as you scaled the building, your fingers itching to get to a specific balcony. The lights were out, it looked like no one was there but that was all part of the illusion. To distract and keep wandering eyes at bay.

Your feet touched the cold floor of the veranda and swiftly moved towards the sliding door to see if it was open. It was a sign, if it was locked, he wasn’t home. And if it slid open like now, it meant he was waiting for you. A web of secrecy. You both preferred it this way, away from all the attention, atleast you did. But with how busy he was with keeping watch over the multiverse, these rendezvous got a lot less frequent.

Sure, you saw him around HQ or worked on a couple missions together but it never amounted to how he let you see him during these nights. His tenderness and whispers, the sound of his bare feet padding across to the bedroom, his time in the kitchen as he made dinner with his headphones on utterly lost in his own world. Nothing could be more precious.

The moment you entered the premise, you felt your wrist get caught in the hold of his arms. You didn’t protest as he led you in deeper, away from the dark and into the candlelit room. You knew you were late and during these days, he didn’t like to be left alone. You were feeling his touch for the first time in weeks, you would pass by in corridors without as much a glance or a faint trace of your fingers. So to feel his warmth sink into your bones felt intoxicating.

Having concluded you were in a safe space, he spun you around to face him, his eyes taking in every glimpse of you, his fingers shooting up to the edge of your mask to softly remove it, he was tired of all these layers of security you had established within this relationship.

His gaze finding yours in the dim light and the thirst in it meant he wanted more. He pulled you close as mumbled in Spanish, frustrated he couldn't get enough of you, to pull down the zipper of your suit, removing it from your body as though he was allergic to latex. To then wrap his arms around you as if that was the only covering allowed, when your skin was free from being trapped and free for his hands to roam about. You rested your head on his chest, his white tank top smelling fresh with the scent of his cologne mixed with laundry detergent.

The mundane and ordinary seemed more exotic and addicting than this little stunt you both were pulling off.

“You’ve grown impatient.”, you hummed.

“No more games to play?”, you chuckled to which he grumbled.

“You’re the one playing games, I’m  clear as to what I want.”, he spoke into your ear.

You pursed your lips, his fingers digging into your hips telling you in gestures how he didn’t want to be fed scraps of attention.

“You were the one who suggested this… this setup.”, you pushed away from him to catch his gaze. His arms not letting you go out his hold.

“And now when I want it to end, you keep it going.”, his eyes narrowed down on you, the candle light giving him a golden glow.

“porqué es eso?”, he leaned closer, his lips almost on yours. But you tilted your head, causing his lips to land on your cheek.

What should have been a fun night was already turning into an argument.

“Because…”, you couldn’t meet his worrying gaze, his tender eyes had a way of undoing your heart.

“If we stop this, then what are we?”, you bit back what you wanted to say and instead asked him a question in return.

He was thinking through his answer, you could tell by the way his brows furrowed but when he met your gaze, he didn’t give you an answer either.

“Exactly.”, you got out of his hold because he let you go.

Picking up your suit that laid on the floor, you made your way towards the bathroom. A warm shower felt better than continuing this conversation. But to your surprise he trailed behind you, his large frame blocking the doorway as he leaned on it.

“We’re friends, Miguel. This is all there is to offer.”, you said looking into the mirror as you tied your hair up.

“We’re more than that, amor.”, he said with certainty.

“Don’t tell me you’ve gone and fallen in love with me.”, you laughed but he didn’t.

“And what if I have?”, he asked which made you pause as you reached for the face wash.

Your throat ran dry, all your worst fears were coming true, this setup with him worked well because deep down you both had lost your families. You lost your fiance to a freak accident much like how he had lost his home.

So this deep rooted fear never left your system, that if you began to enjoy your life, it would be ripped away from you.

“What do you want me to say to that?”, you shook it off, continuing to set up for your shower.

“I want you to tell me why you keep fighting this?”, he held a towel out for you and with every small gesture it was beginning to get difficult.

Difficult to lie to him, difficult to not confess that you loved him. But, his honey glazed eyes were on you, the fear, the anxiety, losing him would be..

You didn’t want to finish that thought because even thinking about it would lead to another heartbreak, one you weren’t strong enough to survive.

You couldn’t answer him either, you turned away taking the towel and pulled the shower curtain to a close. Maybe if you turn on the water, you could cry in peace, without leaving evidence. But it was clear that nothing was going to stop him, he peeled away the screen to join you as he got out of his clothes.

His eyes softening seeing your hurt expression, his hands slipping onto your waist again to pull you close, that his constant need to touch was somehow to reassure himself that he had hope to save this relationship, resting his head on yours the water cascaded over you both in an attempt to wash away all the distress.

“What are you so scared off?”, he placed a kiss on your forehead.

“How aren’t you afraid?”, you sobbed, his calm voice working it's way into your soul.

“We’ve both loved and lost it all.”, you wrapped your arms around him, like he was the anchor to your storm.

“How are you so sure about this?”, you questioned him, his hand traced up the curve of your waist reassuring you of his presence. That he was here no matter how heavy your grief was.

“Because its you.”, he said confidently and you braced yourself to look up at him, his eyes warm and sure.

“You’re worth the risk, mi vida.”, he wiped the water droplets on your cheeks but only you knew that he had seen the invisible tears.

Here in his arms, here in the myrrh of his words, it felt safe and secure. That this was truly possible, loving each other and living to see where it went, to hold onto him forever.

“But you don’t seem to miss me as much as I miss you.”, he confided in you, the thoughts that he had held back had now come up to the surface.

“You don’t answer my calls, you don’t let me in.”, he continued, communicating his hurt, hurt that you had caused and now you couldn’t hold back either. You placed your hand on his jaw and watched him lean into it.

“Now I can’t sleep, I can’t work, you’re always on my mind. Making me constantly worry about finding us a cure.”, you see the pain in his eyes and you were angry with yourself. Your actions had caused you to withhold the love he craved, the love he deserved, from him.

As you traced your thumb over the edge of his lips, you felt your heart break. It was inevitable, that he was so strong having survived through the worst and then here you were, given the privilege of being held by him only to let your fears to wreck it.

“So do your worst and tell me the truth.”, he turned serious and you could feel it, that if you didn’t fight for this, you were going to lose it. You were going to lose him.

“Dime que no me amas.”, he demanded but the way he held you by your shoulders and stared into your eyes, he was begging you for an answer.

Your lips parted, he was convinced you didn’t love him when you were fighting your past to let yourself to embrace a future with him. So you stayed quiet, his eyes glimmering with the faintest hope.

“I’m growing tired of this distance you maintain, querida.”, he pushed away the strand of hair that followed the flow of water to get stuck over your forehead.

“So go easy on me and tell me you don’t feel the same.”, he pleaded again, his voice turning soft, losing the authority he had when he was in HQ.

You couldn’t run from this anymore. The other truth was, you wanted this, the easy ordinary moments he cultivated with such ease, showing you that he was capable of loving you. Where you didn’t have to question his admiration or demand his affection. He gave it freely, so it was time you did as well.

“If I say I do feel the same?”, you asked and finally observed the stress melt away from his features. He sighed with relief to slowly place his forehead on yours.

“What happens next?”, you asked quietly, like you wanted to know the start of the next chapter having finally put an end to the hold your past had on you, to look ahead. To dream again.

“I would then ask you, if you would like to marry me.”, he spoke the words that seemed to reassure you that you could in fact expect the best in the years ahead.

“Here in the shower?”, you laughed as the sound of the rushing water and the haze from the steam that encircled you made it all the more magical, right here in the ordinary.

“Well when you lose a universe, you don’t exactly wait around to lose the next one.”, his eyes were alive, his smile reaching the corners of his face. Hinting to the fact that he didn’t want to lose you. His new universe, the one full of his hopes and dreams.

“So will you?”, his question hung in the air between you. His hair dripping wet over his eyes. You smiled, pushing them away to hold his gaze. You didn’t want to run anymore.

“Yes.”, you whispered and as though he wanted to seal his forever right this instant, he kissed you gently, grateful that you had granted him his only desire.

A chance to start again.

[palmofafreezinghand]

oh bill, i love you so...

Billy Black and Sarah Wilde get engaged. on ao3 here.

1984. 

La Push, Washington. 

The trip had been shit, the entire last three months of fishing had been shit. Not a single catch was worth the amount he spent on diesel. This time Billy would be lucky to get two hundred bucks for a week worth of work. He was halfway to Mexico — off the recommendation of Harry Clearwater who had caught enough bluefin to pay his rent for the rest of the year — when the engine started to click…again. Last time that had cost him almost a grand in parts and almost a month in a dry dock. 

At this point he would be better off sinking the thing, taking the insurance payout, and working at the gas station for the rest of his life. He had missed last month’s insurance payment. It was between that and the slip fee. There went another one of his plans. 

The boat pulled into its slip, the clicking louder and louder, like a time bomb, until he cut the engine. Then it was hauntingly silent. 

Anxious to get to shore before the entire thing exploded, Sarah wouldn’t get his life insurance anymore, he tied the knots quickly, looser than he should have. Maybe he’d get lucky and it would drift out to sea, he’d have no other option than to work at the quick fill or maybe he’d get a job at the bait shop telling hobbyists what lure to use when he couldn’t manage to catch anything himself. 

He threw the nearly empty cooler onto the dock, a week of exhaustion meant the cooler flew right over the dock and into the harbor, his spoils spilling into the sea. The gulls which had followed him in from a mile out, anxious to get spoiled bait descended on the gourmet feast. He cursed under his breath, watching two pelicans fight over a halibut larger than both of them combined. He threw his laundry bag onto the dock, which landed perfectly dry, because of course it did. 

After he locked the boat up, although there was nothing to steal he didn’t need to find a sea lion in his bed, he jumped onto the dock himself. He landed wrong, not in the water, but his ankle rolled under him. Another expletive as he analyzed the sprained ankle. 

He needed a drink. He needed a stiff drink. Hell, he’d take the bottle. 

Sarah hated alcohol, so he rarely drank, but she wasn’t here. She was almost four hours away, ignoring his proposal. 

When she got the almost full ride to the University of Washington there was no question she had to take it. She had offered to stay, to go to Pensiula instead, they would be able to see each other more often. He wouldn’t hear it. At that point, they had been dating for almost five years. They had started as two dumb middle schoolers who didn’t know a thing about love and then in the blink of an eye his grandmother was giving him the family ring and Mr. Wilde was asking when he was going to get serious. 

He let her go without asking, he figured it would be easier that way, and it was until it wasn’t. 

She had less than a year left, it might as well have been a death sentence for him. They hadn’t seen each other in months. 

He couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment he decided to send her the ring, instead of waiting until they saw each other next. All he knew was two weeks ago he had driven down to the post office in Forks, wrapped the ring box in three dollars worth of bubble wrap, stuffed the package in a far too expensive cardboard box, tucked a simple note inside, and paid for overnight shipping for the first and only time in his life. 

He waited by the harbormaster’s phone for three days, waiting for an answer to a question he had asked in a hundred unspoken ways. His boat bore her name, a deteriorating friendship bracelet that had never left his wrist since she had made it many summers ago, he spent every Saturday evening eating dinner with her family. It was a question he had waited to ask until he couldn’t anymore. 

It was a question she had yet to answer. They had spoken on the phone twice since he sent the ring. On the first call, she hadn’t gotten the box yet, on the second call she had just picked up her mail but had yet to open the box but she promised she would as soon as she could. 

They hadn’t spoken since. She had left a voicemail that she had gotten full credit on all her finals and she was excited to finally have a weekend off, she was doing something he didn’t quite catch with her friends. No mention of the ring. 

He slung his laundry bag over his shoulder and fished his cooler out of the empty slip next door. A gull lunged at his hand, a half-eaten mackerel still hanging out of its mouth. He averted the attack and started to wheel his cooler down the gangway. 

Someone in the parking lot was blaring their radio, some kids who should have been in school. He was barely twenty. Two years removed from being one of those rowdy teenagers ditching last period to linger around the harbor and he was already a cynic. They had warned him the sea would turn him cold, would take everything he ever loved until it swallowed him too, but he hadn’t listened. 

A car horn honked. He didn’t look up. The kid probably bumped it, clamoring into the backseat doing something they shouldn’t. Billy had found himself in that situation before. Never in broad daylight, he’d been smarter than that. Well, Sarah had been smarter than that. 

The horn blared again, longer much more intentionally this time. 

“William Black Junior!” His head shot up. No one used his full name…except one person. 

Sarah Wilde was leaning against the hood of her car, doors open, radio blaring. Much too far away for his liking. 

“What are yo-” 

“Listen to the song,” she shouted across the harbor. 

He stopped, dropping the cooler by his feet. It was an old song, he’d heard it before, years ago, probably on one of his mother’s cleaning records. He didn’t know the song well enough to understand why Sarah had shown up unannounced simply to play him the song. 

“ I was on your side Bill when you were losin'

When you were losin’”  

He was certainly losin’ at the moment. He opened his mouth to speak again, and Sarah simply held out her hand to quiet him. 

‘I'd never scheme or lie Bill there's been no fooling

There's been no fooling

But kisses and love won't carry me.’

Sarah was now holding a small box in her hand. Was it the same box he had spent a small fortune shipping to her? No. It couldn’t — 

“'Til you marry me, Bill

I love you so I always will.” 

Waves were crashing against the jetty behind him, threatening to drown out the song. 

She opened the lid of his grandmother’s ring box, picked out the small heirloom ring, and slipped it on her left ring finger. The whole time singing along to the woman on the radio lamenting about her own Bill. 

“Yes?” Billy stammered. 

“You thought I’d say no?” She yelled over the gulls and radio. 

“It took you two weeks to respond!” He shouted back. 

“You sent me a ring in the mail. Who does that?” 

“How else was I supposed to get it to you?” 

“Just kiss her already!” An old man shouted from the dock across the way.

Sarah laughed, leaning into her car to turn down the radio as the song ended. Billy smiled to himself, picking up his empty cooler and full laundry bag and starting down the creaky gangway. 

The short walk felt like a marathon. 

He unlocked the harbor gate and was promptly greeted by arms latching around his neck. He dropped his cooler again but caught something, someone, much better. 

The two broke the kiss when they were interrupted by cheering. From the docks, the nosy fishermen who had pestered him about settling down clapped, he could hear a few jokes about the big mistake Sarah had just made. He was too happy to care. From the small fish and chip stand by the shore came a roar of applause, from some of their best friends: Harry Clearwater, the head cook of said fish and chip shop, Sue Uley, and Billy’s best friend since third grade, Charlie Swan, who had been the first person Sarah called and the only person’s blessing she asked or cared for.  

“You reek,” Sarah smiled, hands clutched on the lapels of Billy’s jacket. 

“That’s me?” Billy asked, feigning innocence. He smelled like a bait box. 

She laughed, a laugh he had missed more than land. 

“You’re not quitting school,” he said, thumb brushing over her hand, settling atop the diamond. 

“Can you stop worrying for one minute?” She grinned, leaning closer for another kiss. He happily obliged. 

“Hey,” Harry shouted. “I have world-famous fish fry in here, come on!” 

Billy looked up. 

“It’s on the house,” Harry laughed. 

“Alright then,” Billy smiled, slinging his arm around Sarah’s shoulders as they made their way across the parking lot. 

They ate dinner happy as could be, and for the first time in his life, without a worry in the world.

----

2000. 

Somewhere in the Olympic Peninsula, Washington. 

The Clearwaters had the children for the night. Sue had insisted he needed a night to himself. The last thing he wanted was to be alone. But, the one thing he wanted more than anything a month after he had received the call which stopped his heart was to break down. He refused to do this in front of anyone, let alone his children and so he found himself driving down the 101 at three in the morning. 

That’s how he found himself driving down the 101 at three in the morning, sobbing. He had refused to get in a car for a week after the accident. But La Push was too small. Every single inch a reminder of her. Every street one she had been on. Every person, someone she had known, who looked at him with pity. 

He needed out. He drove all the way to Astoria, without truly realizing it. He needed to make it back before school drop-off. He was in Quinualt, less than an hour from hom– the house, when the song came on the radio. 

The truck swerved off the road and into the ditch as The 5th Dimension sang, ‘ I look at you and see the passion eyes of May .’ 

At some point, he managed to get out of the truck, hike down to the roadside phone, and call Charlie Swan. It was blurry. 

An hour later a police cruiser, lights on, came to a screeching halt on the side of the highway. 

It took Harry and Charlie till sunrise to pull the truck out of the ditch. Billy sat on the side of the road as they worked, working through a six-pack of Ballantines Charlie had brought. His first drink in fourteen years. 

Charlie drove him home, without a question, Harry following in the now dented truck. They made it home in time for Billy to walk his kids to school when nothing else Billy Black was a man of his word.

[questioned-quetzalcoatl]

Take My Breath Away

Rating: K

Pairing: New Zealand/Tonga

Characters: New Zealand, Tonga

Variation: Canon

Summary: New Zealand insists he invites Tonga over to his place for New Years again so he can show off his firework display, to which they more or less reluctantly agree too. 

AN: I missed a Christmas fic this year so I’m making up for it with some fluffy Zeaonga for New Years because gah I’m in love with them all over again. I can’t help it. I miss/love them so much qwq. Hope u enjoy it !! Happy New Years everyone <3

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“Why do you insist on dragging me to these kinds of events?” 

It’d seemed they’d been questioning his motivites the whole way up there, following the personification of New Zealand as the other dragged a 2 liter Cooling bin behind him like it was nothing. Though Kainga could be less surprised, that man had unfathomable amounts of strength in him, reasoning with the fact that James thought with pure muscle and his fists rather than his actual head. Kainga was certain even if he did use what little he had in his head, they’d all be completely doomed.

Still, that thing probably weighed at least a ton with the beers and snacks stashed inside it like a hoard. 

“Cuz I love a good fireworks display, and got the best in the pacific!”

“I severely doubt that.” Kainga raised an eyebrow at him, making James roll his eyes amidst the darkness. The only light softly peeking over the top of the grassy hill, flickers of different colors and shades that made the shadows of the grass dance and flicker. The sign of life on the other side. A city aglow with bright lights that came into view, blinding them with the contrast of the darker hill, Kainga’s hands gently lifting up in front of their face to block some of it out. Even making them feel a little dizzy, until James laughed.

“Well quit yer complainin’, Kai-boob, we’re here!”

“I-I wasn’t complaining!” Kainga protested, unraveling the picnic mat stashed under their arm when James had more or less crashed the Cooling Bin to the ground. Their face scrunched up a little at what sounded like glass breaking inside of it, “If that’s the sound of my beer smashing in there Mr New Zealand I swear to god that I’ll use bin to hide chunks of your body-”

The silence and the quiver from James sent Kainga into loud snorts of laughter as if that threat actually had some impact on the Kiwi, perhaps just the mental image of it all. 

“You’ll have a job gettin’ every piece of me in there-”

“Relax honey,” They cut James off as they sat beside him, leaning over to give him a soft kiss to his lips. “I was just joking. I’ll peg you instead~”

“EXCUSE ME?!”

Kainga laughed, choking on their own air that inhaled into their lungs as the paler James’s face got. Resting their head under his hairy chin, followed by a snicker of pure enlightenment at his reaction to the sheer thought of it. “I mean the offer is there, if you do it I’ll wear nothing more but your rugby jersey for the rest of the week.”

James stalled a bit on the offer. Chewing the inside of his cheeks as if James ‘-can-not-be-topped’  Hunter was considering the thought rather deeply until he spoke out. “Let’s just see if that beer is smashed or not, yeah?”

Wrapped in an old and worn blanket that had seen better days, Kainga sat in a soft silence stretched for an eternity or two, as they watched the bustling city below him. People walking about, the sound of happy drunks to be heard wherever you went. The stars bright and twinkling with kindness and wonder, mysteries that had him up all night trying to figure them out. Memories, faded like that of an old sepia photograph, rushed through them all at once. 

For once, just in that moment. He felt himself slowly falling back in love with New Zealand.

The gentle kisses he’d place on their cheek, just so he could watch them flush a pastel pink and whaft his face away with flicks of their wrist. Only for James to bring them in closer to him, his heart and all the love he had to give to the Tongan he was cuddled up with. The way he’d gently brush against them, hooking a finger and pushing their scarf down to reveal their neck and kiss further down his lover. Not caring how much they shifted or squirmed when he did so.

When they looked up at him, James could yell to the moon. Their gaze, eyes full of mirth and love, tender and precious. The kind of look you saw in someone when you knew they were truly, irrefutably in love. The kind of look that hinted towards stories untold and as mysterious as the stars up above.

Just like that, James’s breath was gone. 

Swept away like dew on the morning grass against the breeze of the callings of mid-afternoon. No other on this earth could make him act the way he does when the Tongan looks at him like that. No other on this earth could make him feel as nervous around them, even when he went to go get the cheapy five dollar champagne for the both of them, that look they gave him. He took a photograph in his mind, stuck it up on his board of memories. 

Kainga continued to watch as people walked about, some racing with a bottle or two of beer or wine, others walking with friends and singing, terribly in their drunken state but no doubt having the time of their lives. Couples walking back and laughing together. Families going to the park just in the nick of time to watch the fireworks display in a few minutes. Up here, they felt on top of the world.

Behind them, the sound of gentle and quiet footsteps padding up along the grass towards them resounded. Before a flute of champagne appeared, held between large calloused, scarred fingers. Kainga turned to regard the owner of the hand, finding a man who’d returned that same look they gave him not too long ago, coupled with a dopey and tender smile spread across his face

“Aren’t you cold?” They asked, accepting the drink and taking a sip. 

“A lil, the cold bugs me more than anything. If only I had a lil Tongan lover to take me in their arms and hold and kiss me until I’m all warm and cozy~”

Kainga rolled their eyes again before moving over on the picnic blanket and opening out their arms for him with a soft; “Come here you big baby.”

The two of them sat there, sipping five dollar cheap champagne that was in one hand, the rest of their limbs tangled together in a loving embrace to try and stay warm. This time it was Kainga’s turn to start kissing all over James’s face, occasionally getting pricked by the hairs of his stubble and ‘beard’ as James called it, though it was more dark peach fuzz than anything else. And it didn’t taste good at all.

Minutes tickled by and the gusts of wind brought them together even closer, Kainga shivered under the blanket and shuffled closer to try and absorb more of the kiwis' warmth. As much as they could at least. They couldn’t tell you when the two of them were under his blanket, leaning against each other as they watched the stars up above. By the time it had happened, Kainga had finished his Champaign and James was about half way there.

“Did you enjoy that huh?” James chuckled as Kainga swirled the remaining champaign foam at the bottom of their glass with a thoughtful hum.

“Maybe” Kainga decided to reply, averting their eyes away and looking away to hide the blush across their face and the smile blooming on their lips. “Would have preferred tea, to be honest.”

“Is this you subtly asking to make you tea?”

“No.” Kainga parroted a smile at him. “This is me telling you to.”

A snicker left the Tongans lips as James seemed confused, surprised above all. “Where on earth am I going to make you tea? Kai we’re on top of a hill!?” “I’m aware, what happened to you ‘having your ways’ hm? You never seem to have a way whenever I want anything from you-”

James leaned in, his forehead resting on Kainga’s head with a kiss placed to his cheek once more. A goofy punch-drunk love kind of smile lighting up his face with the warmth of a thousand suns.

“Oh really?”

“Mhmmm~”

James chuckled softly, the sound like warm honey on Kainga’s skin. Making them shiver slightly just at the feel of it. James’s breath tickled their ear, only then did they realize that the older man beside them was leaning in for a kiss. That sly fox and his tricks.

The result was a flick to the nose and a chortle from the other whom he’d tried to snog on New Years night.

“Are ya laughin’ at me?”

“Noooo….” 

James’s smile broadened as he tried to kiss Kainga for a second time, his stubbornness and impatience at Kainga’s constant refusal of a kiss caused James to shove them down onto the mat. Kainga now below James in a heavy fluster. Kainga moved away, side-eyeing the man before giving him a glare that could rival the sun. Whatever reaction the kiwi was hoping to get, didn’t occur as James struggled to keep himself from laughing. The feeling bubbling up inside of him like the champagne they drank.

In no time, Kainga’s face was as red as the sweater they were wearing. Lost for breath as their heart tried to tattoo itself on the back of their ribs. Once James had stopped putting up a pout with them, whining pathetically at the lack of any lip to lip contact, Kainga had regained their breath, they wrapped their arms around James’s broad shoulders and muffled the yelp escaping the kiwis lips as he was pulled down back onto the mat for a long and heavy chaste kiss. Though the status of that soon changed, with James’s hands, as rough as the mountains on his lands, slipped up Kainga’s thigh. Causing them to pull away with a gasp. The streets down below with the drunks singing the night away and the families watching the stars and counting down for the fireworks over Auckland city.

They went off, an explosion of colors lighting up the sky. Blooming like sky flowers that glittered and cried out.

James leaned up and out of the kiss, out of breath with a healthy blush dusting his cheeks. He looked down towards Kainga with that same look his father wore whenever he spoke of his mother, with warmth like that of a fire and mirth for the love of his life.

“Happy New Years.” He whispered, leaning in to kiss Kainga once more. Both of their breaths swept back and combined into one once again.

They couldn’t help themself as they fell irrefutably in love with James all over again in that moment.

[dreamescapeswriting]

Stray Kids Reaction | Uses Your Insecurities Against You [Request]

`A/N: The anon is right by the way you’re all beautiful in every way possible, including the anon that requested this. I love you all! Stunning, beautiful peopl all of you! ~ M

CHAN: Insecurity: Clingy

Chan rubbed the bridge of his nose as he stared at the screen in front of him trying to grab some ideas from the air, he had been suffering with writer's block and it was starting to get to him. Normally if he was suffering with it he would call you over, you were his constant muse but this week he wanted nothing more than to be left alone. He was stressed from being put under pressure from his managers to finished a certain amount of songs, as well as making sure he and the rest of the boys were staying on top of their practice. Everything was just piling up on top of him and he didn't need you around to add to the pile, as much as he loved you being there he just needed some peace and quiet which he soon realised wasn't going to happen,

"Jisung told me you were feeling shitty so I bought your favourite snacks," Your voice that was normally heavenly to Chan only made him cringe as he realised you were here. 

"Hey babe, do you mind coming back later? I really need to get this done," He turned around on his chair to face you, trying to get you to leave quickly before things went south but you stood your ground, placing the small basket of food down onto the coffee table. 

"I also got your favourite hot drink, I figured you could use a pick me up." You began explaining everything that was in the basket but it only annoyed him more as you listed everything, ignoring his request for you to leave.

"We can sit on the sofa and eat while you relax for a while-"

"Fuck! Have you always been this clingy or is it just as of late?" Your heart sunk as you stared at Chan who was red in the face, it was now that you took in his dishevelled appearance it looked like he'd slept less than usual and he was clearly beating himself up over something so you let the comment pass. 

"I was just- I wanted to make sure you were okay," Your voice cracked as you tried to get over the comment, moving closer to Chan who simply rolled away from you on the chair and shook his head at you. 

"I want you to leave. You're so fucking clingy! I can't do anything without you being right there on top of me, it's exhausting having a partner who doesn't know what space is!" He was yelling loudly enough that the staff outside his studio had stopped speaking to hear what was happening in the office but you felt like you shrunk in size as he yelled at you so without another word you left him there. Chan knew how insecure you were about being considered clingy, your exes had all said the same thing to you so when you began dating Chan you told him about it, not wanting to have the same problem. You never thought, in a million years, that he of all people would use it against you.

(X)

Later that night there was a knock on your apartment door, thinking it was just the food you'd ordered for yourself you got up to answer it to see Chan standing there holding the basket of food with a giant smile on his face. 

"What do you want?" You asked plainly as you stared behind him, hoping your pizza would arrive so you could take it and shut the door. 

"To tell you how sorry I am," You scoffed rolling your eyes at him, 

"You know exactly how insecure about that I am and you still-" You began sobbing as you thought back on what he said, all he did was wrap his arms around you tightly. Pulling you into a hug, his hugs were the answers to all of your problems, no matter what you were going through as long as he hugged you everything else seemed to be insignificant to you.

"You know how insecure I am about that," You managed to say through sniffles as he kissed the top of your head, rubbing your lower back as he repeated how sorry he was to you. 

"Things with work have been stressful...I just- You weren't listening and I needed you out of there." He knew it was never going to make up for what he had unintentionally said to you but he was going, to be honest with you from the start and tell you what happened. 

"I'll make it up to you if you let me." He whispered as he continued to hold you in his arms, kissing your cheeks as you nodded. 

"Start by paying for my pizza," You sniffled, wiping your eyes when you saw the delivery man walking over in your direction, 

"Anything for you," Chan whispered, handing you the basket so he could get out the cash.

MINHO: Insecurity: Not having Friends (One of my many insecurities lol)

As soon as Minho heard your voice from the hall he rolled his head against the floor of the dance studio, 

"I thought it was just us today," Hyunjin said to Minho, confused as to why you were in the building when it was supposed to be a private practice between him and the boys this afternoon.

"It is," Minho grumbled as he glanced over at the glass panel on the door, you were stood talking with Nayeon so he wrecked his brain at some kind of excuse to get you to leave without being so mean about it. The boys were all stressed out, Kingdom was getting harder with every week so they were having to step up their game, every second of practice alone was important to them. With you there, they weren't able to get anything done. 

"Hey Babe, guys! I got you all some lunch and I figured we could hang out this afternoon?" You glanced over all of their faces and the boys turned to look at Minho for help, none of them wanted to be the ones to send you home but it needed to be done. It was probably best it came from your boyfriend rather than the boys who were just friends of yours, 

"Don't you have plans with any of your friends?" Seungmin tried to come across as friendly, hoping you would somehow get the hint that they wanted you to leave but Minho laughed loudly at the comment. 

"Y/n doesn't have friends, that's why they're always clinging onto us," The room seemed to fall into silence, all that could be heard was the air-conditioner and your rapid breathing as Minho used your number one insecurity against you in front of everybody knowing full well that it hurt you more than anything else he could have said to you. 

"Y/n!" Minho yelled out as you backed out of the room without another word to him, the other boys looking shocked at him as he called you to come back to him. 

"Give them some space...Y/n will just want some time to cool off," Chan said as he placed his hand on Minho's arm wanting him to calm down before he spoke to you but Minho couldn't concentrate on anything else but the look on your face as he said that to you. 

(X)

Minho stared at you from across your apartment as you waited for him to say something, he'd let himself in with his key but you weren't speaking. He'd been sitting on the sofa for an hour without either of you talking, he was just as stubborn as you were about things but he knew he was in the wrong this time. 

"Why did you say it?" That was all you wanted to know, why he'd felt the need to use one of the biggest things you were insecure about in front of everyone, laughing about it as if it was something funny when it wasn't. 

"I just- I need you out of there, I've been stressed and I know that will never be a suitable excuse but I was." You rolled your eyes at him, sitting down on the opposite sofa to him as you listened to what he was saying, 

"You could have told me, I would have left...I know how much stress you're all under for Kingdom," You whispered as you looked down at your hands, wondering if he really found it funny that you didn't have many of your own friends, you were new to Korea it wasn't as if you weren't trying. 

"What I said was out of order, nothing I can do or say will make up for it but I'm hoping you'll let me try...I never meant it, you know that." You knew deep down he hadn't meant it but you didn't want to forgive him so easily and seem so weak,

"Fine but...I want to be alone tonight, I just want some space." You whispered as you glanced up at him, he nodded and walked over to you giving you a kiss on your forehead. 

"Call me when you're ready to speak, I'm sorry." He whispered before you kissed him again, letting him go out of the door. 

CHANGBIN: Insecurity: School/College work

it out on one When Changbin walked into the dorms that night and heard you laughing loudly with the guys he frowned, you were supposed to be at home studying for your exams that were coming up not here with his friends. 

"Y/n? I thought you had an exam tomorrow." He said plainly as he walked into the room, you stopped laughing as you glanced over at him and nodded your head. 

"I do, I was just coming over for a break and I ran into Jisung," You looked over at Jisung who was still red in the face from laughing, Changbin grew with jealously as he watched the two of you giggling while trying not to laugh.

"This is why you keep failing the exams," He mumbled not thinking you could hear him as he walked into the kitchen but you heard him and your face fell, 

"What?" Your voice cracked as you waited for him to repeat what he had just said to you, nothing but the sound of the tap dripping could be heard. 

"Nothing." He grumbled, Jisung attempted to slowly leave the room without being noticed but you took his wrist in your hand, 

"What did he say Jisung?" Changbin stared at the younger member with a look that said he would kill him if he said anything. 

"I wasn't listening," It was clearly a lie but you let him go before grabbing your stuff, 

"That's great, you know. You confide in your boyfriend that one of your insecurities is that you failed an exam and he uses it against you," You said snarkily as you began heading towards the door of the dorms, wanting nothing more than to go home and be left alone but Changbin followed you out. 

"I didn't mean it, I was just-"

"You were just what?! Stressed? So, what? You thought. 'I know let me just take it out on my partner, who's already having a rough enough time without their boyfriend being rude about it'" You yelled before leaving the dorms, making sure to slam the door so he knew you didn't want him to follow you back home.

(X)

A week had passed since your little yelling match with Changbin, he'd been doing everything he could to say sorry, sending flowers, chocolates and teddies to your apartment to try and make up for everything he had done. Then there were the calls, voicemails and texts telling you how sorry he was for what he had said to you, that he hadn't meant it. You finally gave up on ignoring him when you realised you were both just stressed and it didn't mean you had to take it out on one another. 

"I'm sorry," You said in unison as you opened the door to your apartment to see him standing there with a bunch of flowers in his hands, 

"No, I'm sorry." You said in unison again before laughing with one another, Changbin put the flowers down on your kitchen side before bringing you into a hug and kissing the top of your head. 

"I promise that it won't happen again, I've been stressed at work and that's one of the worst excuses in the world but I'm really sorry-" He was cut off when you kissed him softly, telling him that it was fine, you'd been stressed out as well and you shouldn't have ignored him for as long as you had done. 

"How did your exam go?" He whispered as he pulled you into a tight hug, 

"I passed." You laughed softly, kissing his chest as he told you his plans for congratulating you. 

HYUNJIN: Insecurity: Not Being Good enough for him

You ran your hands down the outfit you were wearing for the award show the boys had invited you to go along with them to and you sighed, you looked great but you thought back on what everyone else was going to be wearing. All of those people around Hyunjin who were going to gain his attention within seconds, 

"You ready to go? Whoa," He whispered as he walked into your shared room to find you in the most stunning outfit he'd ever seen you in, he walked over and kissed you softly. 

"Looking good babe," He complimented but your heart dropped, "good" wasn't what you wanted, you wanted to look great. So great that he wouldn't be able to take his eyes off you all night, 

"I need to change, it's not right." You mumbled, heading into the wardrobe to try and find something that would meet your standards that you had set in your head. 

"You don't have to, you look good." You ignored him as you pulled out different options up to your body trying to find the best one, 

"I don't want to look good, I want to look great." You whispered not thinking he could hear you but he watched you from the door shaking his head, 

"You always look great, it doesn't matter what you wear," You looked over at him and shook your head this time, 

"But they're going to be people, that will look better...You will look at them and want to be with them instead." He rolled his eyes at you, leaving the wardrobe to go and wait for you outside not wanting to listen to this over and over again. 

"You always think that I'm going to leave you for someone else, why? You're all I want." He was getting tired of telling you this and you never believe him, it was like a broken record. 

"Maybe I should spend my time looking for someone who would be good for me, someone who wouldn't spend so much time getting ready," He snapped not meaning it, he was stressed from work and the award show but you came out of the wardrobe in sweats. 

"What are you doing?"

"Well, I'm not going. Spend the night finding someone that can be good enough for you," You remarked before looking yourself in the en-suite, ignoring him as he banged on the door for you to come out.

(X)  

Hyunjin walked into the room later that night to find you curled up in bed with his shirt on, he crawled in behind you and kissed your shoulder softly. 

"You know I didn't mean it right, you're perfect for me...Sometimes you're too good for me." He whispered as you pretended to be asleep, 

"I know you're not asleep because you're not doing that little snorting thing you do when you're sleeping," You began making the snorting noise as he laughed softly, kissing your cheeks and turning you around to face him,

"There is no one in the world I want, I only want you for the rest of my life," He admitted as he kissed your lips over and over again, telling you he was going to remind you every day how good you were until you began to believe and listen to him.

JISUNG: Insecurity: Don’t earn as much as him

It was no secret that you didn't earn as much as your boyfriend Jisung did but that was because he was famous and you just happened to serve in a restaurant and work in a bookstore in the week. 

"We're all going to split the bill," Jisung announced as he looked at the waiter who had asked had you and the boys wanted to pay for your meal that night, you looked at the receipt nervously thinking about how you were going to pay for it. 53000 won wasn't exactly the cheapest meal in the world, you figured you would all pay for the food you had ordered for yourselves which was why you'd gone for the cheapest items on the menu. 

"Well, Changbin is the birthday boy, we shouldn't make him pay. Let's split between the eight of us," Felix said as he bought out his wallet, you began to grow with anxiety as you realised you weren't going to have enough to cover it. 

"Here, mine and Y/n's half," You stared at the wad of cash that he placed down and then up at him as he smiled at you, kissing your lips. 

"I got you, baby, I know you don't have a lot so I figured this was my treat." Your mouth fell open as he said that in front of everyone and the boys awkwardly looked away from you, doing anything they could to not pay attention to you. 

"I can pay for my own meals," You whispered not wanting to make a scene in such a fancy place but Jisung didn't see a problem with him putting money down for the two of you. 

"I know you don't earn as much as me, it's no big deal it's just money." A hiss sounded from Changbin as he realised Jisung was saying the wrong thing right now so all you did was get up, 

"Well, this person who doesn't earn as much as you is leaving to catch a cab. Don't worry Jisung, I can afford it." You snapped, moving out of the restaurant leaving Jisung shocked as he watched after you, not seeing the problem in him offering to pay for your food. 

"Dude...Bringing up that they earn less than you? Harsh," Changbin whispered as he patted Jisung on the back before getting up to leave. 

(X)

Watching him from across the room you waited for Jisung to say something, he'd come to your apartment begging you to let him inside so you did. 

"What is it? Come to mock me some more for my jobs?" He sighed as he stepped closer to you, only for you to back up against the wall not wanting him to touch you right now. 

"You know I never meant it like that, I just...I thought I was doing a good thing." You shook your head as you rubbed your arms, 

"Doing a good thing would be if you didn't announce to everyone on our table that I make less than you," You mumbled as you thought back on the boys all staring at you, it felt as if you'd shrunk in size with the way they all stared at you.

"Babe please, I didn't mean to I thought I was doing a nice thing." You shook your head rubbing your temples as the headache you'd gotten increased, 

"Whatever Jisung, just...lock the door on your way out," You turned away from him only for him to take you by the hand and pull you close. 

"You know I would never do something that spiteful to you on purpose, I was stressed, it slipped out, I didn't mean to use it against you." You could tell by the look in his eyes how sorry he was and the thought of curling up beside him to fall asleep was too good to resist right now so you gently kissed his lips. 

"Next time we eat, I'm paying." You mumbled, dragging him  into the bedroom to get some well-earnt sleep.

FELIX: Insecurity: Emotionless/Cold hearted

According to everyone around you, you were that cold and heartless person that everyone tended to steer away from which was why it was so hard for you to believe someone like Felix, who was the living embodiment of sunshine, would want to date someone like you. 

"All I'm saying is, you could have been a little bit nicer." He mumbled as you stood in the dorms, Jisung had been crying about a fight he'd had with Chan earlier that day and you told him to grow up about it. 

"All I said was that he needed to grow up," You were confused as to why he was so angry over something so small, Jisung hadn't seemed that upset over it and it was him you were talking to. 

"You're so fucking emotionless! He was crying Y/n and you told him to grow up!" You felt your body slump as the words left his mouth, you could take that from everyone around you but not him, not Felix. Felix was the one that made all of your insecurities melt away, the one you felt happy with but now he'd just thrown that back in your face and it looked as though he hadn't even noticed. 

"How do you do it? How do you get away with being so cold to everyone around you, he was clearly hurt and needed our help and you fucking made it worse." You looked over at the dorm bathrooms wondering if you could make a run for it while he was ranting with his back to you so you did. Shutting the door as you slid down it, crying into your knees as you remembered the way Felix looked at you as if you were a monster. It wasn't that you were emotionless or cold to everyone, there were just some feelings you didn't understand. 

"Y/n! I'm sorry!" He banged on the door as soon as he realised where you were, trying to get you to come out as he heard you sniffling from the other side of it. 

"Please, I didn't mean any of it Y/n, you know that." You continued to cry into your knees, wanting nothing more than for him to leave and go into his room so you could sneak out and go home but he sat there on the other side of the door and waited. 

(X)

You finally emerged an hour later when Chan knocked on the door telling you he needed to use the bathroom, Felix was waiting for you with open arms but you attempted to move away from him, failing as he hugged you from behind. 

"I'm sorry, I was just stressed and overwhelmed with work, I shouldn't have taken it out on you," He whispered as he kissed your shoulder, watching you as you kept your eyes forward on Jisung who was talking to Chan about that day.

"You were right though, he did need to grow up...I shouldn't have said what I said to you and I am really sorry Y/n." You knew that no matter what Felix was going to keep saying sorry until you forgave him, 

"You're right there, I am-" He kissed your lips softly before you could tell him you agreed with yourself being emotionless, 

"I don't want to hear that, it's not true...Remember when I broke my ankle and you were there taking care of me," You nodded and he continued to list off everything you had done for him, the boys and all of your friends when they were sick or injured. 

"I don't want to hear that again," He kissed your nose and you nodded before kissing him softly to stop him from saying sorry again.

SEUNGMIN: Insecurity: Not successful like other people your age

Your eyes glanced over the wedding invitation sitting on your coffee table, yet another one of your friends were getting married and you were happy for them. You would always be happy for someone who was doing well in their life but everyone you knew seemed to be getting married, having babies, getting their dream carers all the while you seemed to be stuck in the same place moving nowhere in your life. 

"Why the long face?" Seungmin asked as he brought over your plate of food, the two of you were having your date night at your place tonight since the boys were all at the dorms and you wanted some alone time together.

"Nothing, I'm just wondering what to get my friend for her wedding," You said as you nodded over at the invitation, Seungmin nodded along with you and without thinking about it first, 

"Doesn't it make you feel bad that they're all so successful and you're just still in your small apartment," He didn't mean for it to come out the way it did, he'd been so stressed all week over something he needed to ask you that it came out a little too harsh. You dropped the fork onto your plate as you looked at him, wondering if he was joking or if he was serious but he looked at you confused. 

"What?"

"Well, I mean, they're all married, starting families, having these large homes and you're still in this crummy apartment." You couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth, especially from Seungmin of all people, your boyfriend. The person that was supposed to be supportive and loving to you no matter what, it felt as though he was turning your back on you. 

"Crummy?" Your voice broke as he continued to eat, watching the TV as though he didn't notice what he had said was hurting you so badly, you got up without another word, placed your plate down and rushed to the bathroom. 

(X)

When you didn't come out after an hour Seungmin was beginning to worry, he knocked on the door when he heard sniffling coming from inside. 

"Babe? Everything okay?" You wiped your eyes as you hummed in response, reaching to the toilet to flush it before lying to him, claiming you were sick and he needed to go before he caught it.

"You were fine earlier," He mumbled confused as to where this sudden sickness had come from, he opened the door to find you leaning against the bathtub wiping your eyes. 

"Babe! What's wrong?" You scoffed at him, moving away as he tried to reach out and comfort you, 

"What's wrong?! Me and my crummy apartment!" You yelled as you moved away from him and went into the living room, 

"Baby, I didn't-"

"Didn't mean it? Because clearly, you did! Do you find it funny?" He reached out for you but you stepped away once again not wanting him to be near you right now,

"Let's just laugh at Y/n and the fact that they still live in a 'crummy' apartment, not married, not having kids and alone!" He realized as soon as you began crying again that his words had hurt you unintentionally, he hadn't meant it the way they'd come out.

"I didn't mean it like that, I've been stressed this week trying to-"

"So you took it out on me? When have we ever done that?" He shook his head, finally gabbing your hands as he made you look up at him, 

"I've been stressing myself out trying to ask you to move in with me, I-I found a house we could live in and I- I didn't know how to ask you and I thought that dropping hints would be a good way." You stared at him with your brows pressed together, 

"You thought telling me my apartment was crummy...was a hint?" He laughed awkwardly as he realised how stupid it seemed but you started laughing softly along with him somehow seeing the funny side of it as you shook your head. 

"Kim Seungmin, you are the most strangest, perfect boyfriend in the world." You whispered kissing him softly, 

"Yes, I'll move in with you."

JEONGIN: Insecurity: Worried He doesn’t Love you

"You were flirting with her," You scoffed as you stood in one of the empty conference rooms that were in the JYP building, Jeongin rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration listening to what you were claiming he was doing.

"I was talking to her, she's like a younger sister to me." He explained you'd walked into the building to find him standing extremely close to Lia from itzy and it sent jealousy running through your veins. It wasn't as if you didn't trust Jeongin, you just found it incredibly difficult to see him with someone like Lia and not be attracted to her,

"You're just always too jealous to see what's in front of you! Why would I flirt with her when I'm with you?" You stared at him as he called you jealous, you looked down at your hands and not knowing what to say to him. 

"You're always so worried that I don't love you! Do you know how tiring it is to have to remind you all the time?" You felt a pang in your heart as he yelled at you, people turning to look through the glass door as they heard the youngest member yelling. 

"Well if it's so tiring why do you keep doing it?!" You yelled back only for him to shake his head and shrug his shoulders, 

"I don't know," Your heart, felt as though it had fallen onto the floor and crashed into a million tiny pieces right in front of him and it was as though he didn't care to notice. 

"You don't know? So...Why don't we just break up?" Your voice was quieter, hoping he would realise you were upset about this and that he would tell you he didn't mean it but he nodded his head, 

"Fine." Your breath caught in your throat as he stormed out of the room leaving you alone to try and gather up everything that had just happened in the room while he seemed to go off as though nothing had happened. 

(X)

When Jeongin walked into the dorms later that night the last thing he expected to find was you packing everything up into a bag with tears gushing down your cheeks. 

"Sorry, I thought I would be done before you got back," You sniffled, wiping your eyes and side-stepping out of the room telling him you would come back for the rest of your stuff when he wasn't at home.

"What are you talking about? Why are you taking your stuff?" You ignored him as you struggled to take the key to the dorms off your keys, dropping them all onto the floor and crying as you saw him bending down for them. 

"We broke up. Remember? You didn't want the hassle of telling me you loved me so we broke up," You couldn't bring yourself to look at him but he tilted your head up to look at him and shook his head, 

"I was just mad, I didn't mean it Y/n...I would never break up with you over that, I've just been stressed and then the whole jealousy thing came out and I just...I'm really sorry," He whispered leaning forward to kiss your lips softly, repeating over and over how much he loved you in every way possible, kissing you all over your face as he pulled you back into his dorm room so you could unpack your bag. 

Tagline: @taestannie​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @sw33tnight​ @acciocriativity​ @mwitsmejk​ @minholuvs​

[sodasback]

Let Go

Reposting Let Go from my deleted accounts. Minor edits made.

JJ Maybank x Reader

Just SMUT. Real filthy smut.

Warnings: Very explicit sexual content. Cursing. All consensual. 18+

JJ got a gig cleaning pools on Figure 8 for the summer. And your family had a pool. Ergo, JJ was at your house every couple weeks cleaning your pool.

Of course, you knew JJ Maybank. He was the gorgeous bad boy Pogue every girl swooned over. And JJ Maybank knew you too. You were the Kook man-eater, currently on the arm of none other than Rafe Cameron. And sure you and Rafe had a good time together and you loved how possessive he was over you, but you both knew deep down your relationship was all about status. You were the ultimate young power couple of Figure 8.  

You and JJ, on the other hand, despised each other. …but like many have said, there’s a thin line between love and hate. And the truth was: you and JJ hated each other because you wanted what the other seemed to have.

You wanted to be free. Free of the obligation and the standards and the suffocating expectations. And JJ wanted to feel secure and cared for. Fuck, he just wanted to know where his next meal was coming from and what roof he was gonna sleep under without getting yelled at.

Right now, JJ was standing shirtless and sweaty with perfectly messy wet hair as he used the net to get crap out of the pool at your house while you were coming home from a day of waxing, tanning, manicures and pedicures.

You saw JJ and decided your day just hadn’t had enough excitement in it yet.

“Hey pool boy” You called to him with the perfect amount of flirtation and snobbery. JJ looked up at you. 

“You missed a spot.” You said, pointing to the leaves that were in the pool near you. He walked over to you with his usual cocky, Kook-hating attitude.

“Yeah, so did whoever sprayed that fake tan on you.” He retorted back, gesturing to a blotchy spot on your hip exposed by your cropped tank top.

You looked down at it, “Fuck!” you cursed, causing JJ to laugh as he scooped the leaves out of the pool.

“Shit, money can buy you everything, can’t it Y/L/N?” JJ asked casually, “Fake hair, fake tan, fake nails. Is anything about you real?” He asked looking down at your bare cleavage pushing up through your top.

“There’s only one way for you to find out.” Your was voice dripping in sex and JJ looked at you in shock, not expecting your answer as his lips parted slightly, exactly the reaction you wanted.

“...too bad I don’t date stoner surf bums though.” You shrugged.

And JJ regained the composure he lost for a second as he leaned the net against the wall and turned back to face you.

“Yeah, you prefer psychotic, spoiled coke addicts, right?” He narrowed his eyes down at you and you glared at him.

“He doesn’t do that shit anymore.” You stated definitively, referring to Rafe’s drug habit.

JJ snorted and nodded at you, “Yeah, whatever helps you sleep at night princess. …But I did literally just see him doing lines and drinking cocktails when I was cleaning the Cameron’s pool today.”

You felt disappointed, hurt and angry at this news. Because 1. Rafe canceled plans with you today to do “something important” for his dad and 2. You also knew Rafe wouldn’t usually drink and get high by himself, so you were pretty sure JJ was leaving part of the story out. 3. Rafe promised he wasn’t using coke anymore.

“You know he’s an asshole, right?” JJ asked, wanting you to admit you were a better person than your reputation made you out to be.

You were quiet as you internally acknowledged that JJ was right.

Without an answer from you, he sighed, “But I guess… superficial Kook princess like you will tolerate just about anything to make mommy and daddy happy with that Cameron last name.” He shrugged.

You smirked at this, “You almost sound a little jealous, Maybank.”

JJ scoffed, but you continued taking a step towards him as he held his ground. “I mean, I may not be some desperate tourist or some grungy surfer chick, but I know you think I’m hot.”

JJ broke eye contact with you and shook his head, opening his mouth to object but you took another step towards him and you could hear his breathing falter slightly as he looked back at you. So now you were ready to lie and say the thing you needed to say to get what you and JJ both desperately desired.

“And I know you wanna fuck me.” You said dangerously, taking another step so you and JJ’s bodies were almost touching, running a finger down JJ’s bare abs, making him shiver before you looked up at him, “But you’re scared. You’re scared that you wouldn’t live up to Rafe Cameron because you’re just a dirty, little Pogue from The Cut and-”

“Shut the fuck up.” JJ commanded through gritted teeth as he grabbed your hips and pushed you roughly against the wall of the pool house. You gasped and your eyes widened.

You and JJ both knew you said what you said to get to this point: You looking up at JJ with a little fear in your eyes as your heart raced and your core clenched. And JJ looking down at you like a wolf trapping his prey as he pressed your body firmly into the wall behind you with a harsh grip on your hips. He stepped in closer to you, pressing his body into your’s to keep you in place as he lifted one hand to grip your chin and smush your cheeks a little bit.

“You run that little mouth of your’s so much and no one ever puts you in your fucking place.”

You let the shock of JJ actually making this move leave as quickly as it came and you pushed back against JJ’s chest with your hands and tried to push his arm away from your face, not wanting to give in so easily. But JJ wrestled with your squirming body and grabbed both your wrists and pinned them on either side of your head. You huffed in frustration.

This caused you both to smile at each other, knowing this is what you wanted. But just in case, JJ loosened his grip on your wrists ever so slightly and looked in your eyes seriously for a second, “Hey, you want this right? Say ‘red’ if you actually wanna stop, yeah?” He asked. You looked in his eyes and nodded.

“Like how far do you want me to take this?” He checked one more time.

“Anything JJ” You told him. And he still looked unsure. “I’ll say ‘red’ if I want you to stop, promise.” And he searched your face for a second, then nodded at you sweetly before he smirked going right back “into character.”

His grip on your wrists tightened as he moved them further above your head so he could hold both of them with one hand and move his other hand to squeeze your chin and cheeks again.

“I know you’ve wanted this for a long time. I see the way you look at me. You think I don’t, but I know you open your window whenever I’m here cleaning the pool, so you can catch a glimpse of me. Or even when you’re with your douche boyfriend and see me on the street. You think I don’t see the double take you do?” He said and you tried to turn your head away from him, but he firmly turned your chin so you’d look at him again. JJ moved his grip to your jaw so you could talk.

“If you noticed all that, that means you were looking at me too. At the beach, you stare at me in my bikini. And I saw you at Boneyard parties watching me dance with my friends.” You told him.

JJ just narrowed his eyes at you, knowing he had gotten caught too. You slipped one of your wrists free and grabbed JJ’s wrist to move his hand from your jaw. But he overpowered you and pinned your arm to your side.

“So if you’ve wanted this for such a long time, why are you still fighting it? Are you this much of a fucking brat for Cameron?” JJ asked, still looking in your eyes before he moved next to your head to whisper in your ear.

You closed your eyes feeling his hot breath hit your ear as he continued, “I think it’s because, unlike me, we both know, he doesn’t give a fuck if he makes you feel good.”

JJ pressed a small kiss just below your ear and then nibbling and sucking on your earlobe causing you to let out the smallest whimper you couldn’t hold back.

“You know I’m gonna make you feel better than he ever has, but you can’t admit that, even to yourself, so you’re gonna resist me as much as you can so you can feel like you aren’t betraying him and being a shitty girlfriend for letting a pogue, none the less, be the one to make you so wet.”

JJ continued, sucking on your neck just a little and speaking again, “And you get to run the show wherever you go and even if you won’t say it, you crave for someone to take control from you and put you in your place. For once, in your god-damned spoiled princess life, you want someone to not let you be in charge.” He finished as he pressed his body against your’s before checking your expression.

You chest was heaving up and down as you breathed heavily being way more turned on having JJ Maybank pin you against a wall than you cared to admit. You glared at him with a furrow in your brow. Then you surged forward. JJ released your wrists and you grabbed a fistful of his hair with one hand and gripped his shoulder with the other as your lips crashed on his. JJ’s hand immediately went to the back of your upper thigh as he hitched one of your legs onto his hip. His other hand was squeezing your torso; his thumb sneaking underneath your bra and skimming the underside of your boob in the most aggravatingly teasing way possible.

Your mouths were already open, tongues wrestling each other, teeth hitting in the process. You jumped up and wrapped your other leg around JJ’s waist as he squeezed your legging-covered thighs.

After the initial surge of adrenaline, you both slowed down a little. You tugged at the roots of JJ’s hair and he groaned a little before biting your bottom lip and pulling away from you slightly, giving your thighs a hard squeeze at the same time.

When JJ released your lower lip, you pulled away from him, “Pool house.” Was all you said before your lips started moving against each other again and JJ walked through the door of the pool house, into the guest bedroom.

He kicked the door shut behind him as he nudged your head to the side to start leaving hot, wet open-mouth kisses along your jaw and down your neck causing you to moan as he let your legs slide down his waist so you were standing again.

His hands gripped your hips as he kept working on your neck while he walked you backwards towards the bed. He gave you no space as you fell back onto the bed and he continued to crawl over you, now taking his time to suck your neck as he propped himself up with arm near your shoulder. The other hand massaging your hip.

“Maybank, no hickeys. …Rafe.” You said. And really you said it for both your sakes, knowing if Rafe found out who you cheated on him with, it wouldn’t be good for either of you, but worse for JJ for sure.

“I really don’t give a fuck.” JJ said as he continued leaving more hickeys along your neck just to spite Rafe even more.

“Take your top off.” JJ commanded.

You rolled your eyes and took your tank top off before JJ’s hand flew to your throat holding it with only slight pressure. “Don’t roll your eyes at me.”  He said calmly and almost teasingly, which only made it that much more intimidating. He knew he was really pushing your limits of being told what to do.

So after the breath hitched in your throat, you just stared at him defiantly in a stand off. JJ raised his eyebrows expecting an answer from you, but you stayed silent, rubbing your lips together firmly, contemplating your next move so JJ snaked his fingers in your hair and slowly but firmly pulled, cranking your neck to the side and eliciting a sigh full of pleasure and pain to escape your now open mouth. “Fine.” You spat out.

JJ let out a dark chuckle. “You’re such a fucking brat. But you love this don’t you?” He asked before dipping a finger in your bra cup and pulling it down so your breasts were exposed to him.

He took a moment to admire them as he squeezed one before going down and swirling his tongue around your other nipple and biting at it lightly. He looked up at you, “You like to push back because you want me to show you how much stronger I am than you. You love being dominated, huh?”

You took a deep breath as JJ put his mouth on your boob and sucked a harsh hickey there, while his hand started playing with the waist line of your leggings teasing you. “You love feeling helpless underneath me?”

He snuck his fingers underneath your leggings and your lace thong but didn’t move further yet, “Answer me.”

And with the anticipation of JJ finally touching you where you need him, the answer easily fell from your lips “Yes” you breathed out.

“Good girl” JJ praised as he ran his fingers through your folds. You let out a pained breath at finally being touched but JJ also saw the way your mouth twitched like you were going to object and then stopped.

JJ chuckled. “You don’t usually like being called a good girl. But you wanna be my good girl, don’t you?” He asked gently stroking your clit, causing you to close your eyes and open your mouth.

Then, JJ abruptly plunged a finger into you, “Don’t you?” He asked more sternly this time.

“Fuck! Yes.” You answered.

“That’s what I thought. Let’s see how much of a good girl you can be. Take off your leggings and your bra and get on your knees.” JJ said as he quickly pulled his fingers from you. And stood up from the bed.

You sat up on the bed and gaped at him as he smiled at you evilly. He knew he was really pushing your limits, but he also knew it was only turning both of you on even more.

“Seriously JJ?!” You asked getting mad about all the teasing.

When you didn’t immediately get up and follow JJ’s orders, he came over and put his hand under your chin as he pulled your lower lip down with his thumb, “Don’t make me tell you twice, sweetheart.” You narrowed your eyes at him, but grabbed his wrist as his thumb released your lip, to pull yourself up from the bed.

JJ took a step back as you stripped down to just your thong. You smiled, catching him indulging himself drinking in your naked body.

“Knees” he reminded you. And before you could even do it, JJ said, “Don’t even think about rolling your eyes.” You gathered all your strength to not be bratty back with a deep breath as you got on your knees in front of JJ.

As much as you had a love-hate relationship with the way JJ was teasing you, being in this position, on your knees in front of him, only made your panties that much more drenched. Your hands wasted no time going to his swim trunks and pulling them down releasing his cock as it slapped up against his stomach. Your mouth was practically watering.

JJ ran a hand through your hair, “Is my good girl desperate to have me in her mouth?”

“Are you gonna keep making me answer questions this whole time or are you gonna let me suck your dick?” You asked bluntly.

JJ smiled, but harshly pulled your hair eliciting a whiny “ow” from you.

“For once, you need to work for everything you get and you need to be the one not in charge Y/N. And then I’ll make you feel better than any guy ever has. But you have to be good.”

“What if I’m not?” you asked innocently, tilting your head to the side.

JJ smiled, “Then there’s just gonna be more pain with your pleasure.” He said simply and then added, “But I’m learning you’d probably like that too. You’re dirtier than I thought. You like being a little slut, huh?”

You contemplated. Wondering if you should give in to JJ or keep resisting.

You looked up at him and nodded, “Mhmm”

He smiled down at you knowing he had won a little. He pumped his cock a few times. “You want my cock in your mouth?”

“Yes, JJ” you breathed out.

“Tell me how much you want it. Work for it.”

You gathered more strength and finally decided to fully submit to JJ’s whole power dynamic.

“JJ please, I want your cock down my throat.” You said, placing your hand below his, around his cock.

“Put your mouth on it baby.” He encouraged. And you licked your lips before running your tongue along the underside of it. JJ took a sharp inhale and gathered your hair in a ponytail as you wrapped your lips around him and swirled your tongue around the head. You took more of him in your mouth sucking as your hand pumped the rest.

“Fuck Y/N.” JJ groaned and threw his head back. Your head bobbed up and down on his length as saliva started to drip down your chin just a little. Each time you went down, you took a tiny bit more of him into your mouth. One hand now running your nails along his thigh.

Finally, you took all of JJ in your mouth and his cock hit the back of your throat causing you to gag. “Fuck” JJ cursed again. He let you be in control for a few moments longer before he couldn’t help but thrust into your mouth.

“Ahh you’re such a good little slut for me Y/N. You take my cock so well.” He told you as he hit the back of throat repeatedly. “Touch yourself baby. Is choking on my cock making you wet?”

You slid your fingers through your painfully throbbing cunt and opened your eyes to look up at JJ and nodded. JJ pulled out of your mouth completely letting you breathe. “You want more baby?” He asked and you nodded your head eagerly.

“I want you to cum down my throat, J” you said. JJ bit his lip and looked at you painfully, having so many places in mind where he wanted to cum. “Fuck” He cursed again as you took him back in your mouth.

“Put your hands behind your back, pretty girl.” He said and you immediately obeyed as he fucked your face. A few more thrusts and JJ was cumming down your throat and you continued bobbing your head up and down on his cock working him through it while you swallowed. JJ pulled his cock from your mouth with a string of saliva connecting the two as you caught your breath. JJ’s body was flooded with a rush of oxytocin motivating him to lift you from the ground and onto the bed.

“Fuck, so good for me baby.” He said, wiping the saliva and cum from the corner of your mouth his thumb and then peppering kisses along your jaw and neck.

You ran your hand through his hair and pulled him away from you for a second so you could kiss his mouth. JJ and you kissed sensually as he held some of his body weight off you and then he started kissing his way down to your stomach.

He left one more gentle kiss just above the waistline of your thong before he put his arms under each of your thighs and pulled you to the edge of the bed while he got on his knees on the ground. He sucked red marks that would surely be turning purple on your inner thighs as he ran his finger underneath the side of your thong multiple times.

“JJ stop teasing and do something already.” You whined.

JJ chuckled, “Someone’s desperate” he teased as he pulled your panties down your legs. 

“Spread your legs for me” He commanded as he wrapped an arm around each of your thighs again and took a long look at your dripping cunt like he was looking at a piece of cake. “Ahh your pretty little pussy is so wet, Y/N. Who are you this wet for?”

“You, JJ.” You sighed out feeling his warm breath hit your core and dying for some physical contact.

“That’s right baby” He praised smugly before giving your clit a gentle kiss and then kitten licks that quickly turned to sucking on your clit.

You immediately threw your head back and closed your eyes at the pleasure. JJ was truly an expert at eating pussy. After giving your clit attention he moved down and fucked your cunt with his tongue causing your legs to clench around him and your hips to move. JJ untangled his arm from under your thigh, and grabbed one of your hands as he laid his forearm across your lower stomach to keep you still. You moved your other hand into his hair, tugging at it and making him moan into you. He then sunk 2 fingers into you and pumped in and out; curling them in just the right way while sucking on your clit again.

You moaned loudly as your legs began to quiver. “Fuck JJ!”

“You’re close pretty girl. Let go. Cum for me.” He told you and you let the rubber band snap and the waves of your orgasm rush over you. You tried to close your legs but JJ kept them open working you through it and lapping up every drop of your cum he could before you pushed his head away gently. JJ stood up and pulled you up to a sitting position on the side of the bed after you caught your breath.

JJ held his fingers dripping in your cum in front of your mouth. You obediently opened your mouth and sucked on his fingers, tongue swirling around them. “Such a good little whore for me.” You leaned forward, loving the way JJ talked to you and he noticed.

He pulled his fingers from you mouth and held your chin tilted up at him. “God, you’re so much kinkier than I thought. You like being called names, huh?”

You nodded and then looked away and blushed. “I like when you call me names. I don’t know why- I-”

“No. Don’t be embarrassed. It’s fucking hot. I love that you wanna be called my little cockslut. That for once you don’t need to be this perfect Kook. You can be a dirty little slut for me.” He said pecking your cheek and rubbing his thumb across your chin. 

Then, he paused for a second like he was hesitant about something but then he said, “Open your mouth for me and stick out your tongue.” He commanded as he pulled down your chin with his thumb.

You did as you were told and stuck out your tongue. JJ bent down a little and spit in your mouth. “Fucking swallow.” He ordered lowly. And you swallowed it greedily, feeling your pussy throbbing again. JJ noticed your legs rubbing together and he grew hard again at the sight of you being turned on from him spitting in your mouth.

“Fuck” JJ cursed to himself for the umpteenth time. Then, he was caught off guard as you pulled him onto the bed and crawled on top of him.

“JJ, I need you inside me.” You told him as you straddled him and pinned his wrists to the bed.

JJ looked at you amused, “Oh you think you’re gonna be on top for this?” JJ asked incredulously. 

You smiled at him. “Yup” you said, as you released one of his wrists so you could line him up with your entrance. But before you could, JJ easily flipped the two of you over and pinned your arms down.

“JJ!” You protested in frustration and tried to sit up or flip over again, but JJ just kissed you hard into the mattress. Then he sunk into you, pulling away from the kiss at the same time to hear your moan as you felt him fill you up.

“Shit y/n/n.” JJ hissed, “You’re so tight, baby.” He laced his fingers through your’s, “Ready?” He asked. You nodded your head. And JJ started to rock his hips slowly into you.

“Faster, J” You told him and he just smirked at you causing you to furrow your brow in confusion.

“Beg for it.” He stated.

“JJ” You warned sternly and you wrapped your legs around his waist to try and get leverage to flip you both over so you could control the pace but it was no use.

“Nice try. ..Tell me I’m better than Rafe and I’ll give you what you want.” He said smugly. You immediately rolled your eyes and JJ stopped completely.

“Wrong move princess. Get on your elbows and knees, ass up.” he commanded darkly as he pulled out of you. You whined at the empty feeling. “I’m not telling you again.” JJ said.

“Relax” You grumbled as you got on your elbows and knees and JJ immediately landed a hard slap to your ass.

“Ow! Fuck J!” You yelled at him. JJ spotted a scarf hanging off the headboard and grabbed it.

“Sit up on your knees. Give me your hands” He said tying your hands together with the scarf.

“Really JJ?” You asked.

“You know, I wonder how hard I need to go to fuck that attitude out of you” JJ wondered out loud as he turned to grab something else.

“Maybe if you actually fucked me hard, you could find ou-” You couldn’t finish what you were saying because JJ had stuffed your drenched lace thong in your mouth making you even more turned on and frustrated at the same time. 

JJ pushed you down onto you elbows and then propped your ass up further in the air. “There” he said satisfied landing another slap to your other ass cheek causing a muffled squeak to come from you.

“You’ve been such a bratty little slut for me. I don’t think you deserve to get fucked. But I can’t resist your tight little cunt.” JJ said sinking into you from behind. “Fuck Y/N” he groaned stretching you out again and then slamming into you hard. He continued thrusting into you and then felt your walls clench a little. “Don’t you dare cum, pretty girl.”

“Please JJ” You whined around your thong. JJ reached around and pulled your panties from you mouth. “What was that sweetheart?”

“Please JJ.”

“Please what?”

“Please let me cum. I’ll do anything.” You begged as he continued thrusting into you.

“Tell me I’m better than Rafe.” He spat out.

“Yes, JJ you’re better than Rafe. Fuck!”

“Are you mine or his?” He asked.

“I’m your’s JJ. I’m a filthy little slut for you. Please!” You whimpered.

“Cum all over my cock, baby.” He told you. Your orgasm hit you hard and JJ fucked you through it and then he kept going and reached a hand around to play with your clit. You whimpered from the overstimulation.

“Fuck J, stop, too much.” You whined. And tried to move his hand away. He used his other hand to pull you up by your hair so your back was flush against his chest. “Fucking take it.” He said through gritted teeth as a second orgasm built. “Cum with me one more time. Be my filthy little cockslut baby.”

You moaned loudly as JJ bit into your shoulder and you both reached your climax again. JJ thrusted slowly as you came down from your highs. He slowly pulled out of you and gently laid you both down. He pulled the comforter over you both as you turned to face him and nuzzled into his neck. He wrapped his arms around you as you both laid together naked and completely blissed out.

“You okay? Was that okay? Did we go too far?” JJ asked with his chin on the top of your head. You leaned back a little so he could see your face.

“That was fucking hot Maybank.”  You said and pecked his lips before snuggling back into him. He let out a relieved chuckle and pecked the top of your head.

As you laid there in JJ’s arms, you felt …free. You reached a hand around to comb through JJ’s hair at the back of his head as you rubbed your thumb back and forth his skin where your hand was on his back. And JJ felt …secure and taken care of.

It turned out that you could give each other what the other one so desperately needed.

[mercy-burning]

To Be Near

Part of Mercy’s 1k Celebration: A collection of Spencer Reid x Reader requests to celebrate 1,000 followers.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader

Summary: It’s Spencer and Reader’s first night together since he got out of prison.

Category: FLUFF/SMUT (18+), and a ‘lil bit of angst in there too (it’s mostly just kinda sad tbh)

Warnings: Mild language, Smut (oral sex- female receiving, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie, dirty talk)

Word Count: 4.9k

Full Requests:

+ “...ahhh okay what about like a fluff&smut about seeing spencer after he got out of prison? like he’s all soft and “i wanna make love to you” ???” — @shatteredlovesick 

+ “...First, congratulations on 1k! absolutely loved you “I’ve Got You” fic and was wondering if you could make something similar that has fluffy smut.” — @onesstop 

MASTERLIST | 1K MASTERLIST

***

Usually you loved the cold. Feeling the cool breeze on your face and cuddling up with blankets and cardigans and sweaters was just about the most comforting feeling in the world.

But no amount of blankets and cardigans and sweaters could have shaken the devastating chill that settled in your bones when Spencer was gone. And wearing his clothes only strengthened the loneliness that plagued you. It was a blaring reminder that he was spending his days actually behind bars and not with you, cuddled on the couch like you'd done a million times over. Like he should have been.

Sure enough, about a week went by and you barely saw him. The first time you'd seen him since he was released from prison was brief, right before he had to go back to work to get his mom back and safe to him. You held him close, breathing in as much of him as you could before he would be ripped away from you again, making sure he knew just how much you loved him and cared for him.

And what added salt to injury was the fact that even after he was released, he was incredibly busy. It seemed like bad thing after bad thing just kept happening, like a domino effect of evil that left you feeling colder. Because now you were plain scared. And alone.

Penelope was kind enough to text you with updates, and even though Spencer might have been physically okay, you knew that all of this stress and constant danger was probably eating away at him from the inside.

Eventually he'd called to let you know that everything was okay again, he and his mom on their way to a motel to recuperate in for a little while. Hearing his weary voice, broken and completely drenched in exhaustion was the only thing that kept you from begging him to come home to you— As much as you desperately needed him, wanted to comfort him, you knew that he needed time alone with his mom. So yet again, you'd told him how much you loved him and held on to the way he said it back, his soft voice humming low in your heart long after he hung up.

He texted you occasionally, little updates to let you know he was okay. And he rarely ever texted at all. Whenever he did it made your heart sing, seeing his naively adorable attempts at using emoticons coupled together with declarations of love or sometimes even stupid little jokes designed to put a smile on your face. You liked to imagine he sent them so he could picture your laugh in his mind, ringing out softly and sweetly as he read back your usual Lol, I love you, silly goose, or something along those lines.

When you finally did see him face-to-face again, it was days later. He briefly mentioned over text that his team was in trouble, but that it would be taken care of and that his mom was safe somewhere. Again your stomach twisted with nerves, hoping and praying that he would come back to you safely. It was always a possibility with his job that something bad would happen, as you've unfortunately witnessed a few times over, but the so-called comfort in knowing that truth didn't help ease your anxieties at all. Maybe they had once upon a time, but after the last few months, and even the last few days, you weren't sure you'd ever know true comfort until Spencer was safely in your arms for eternity.

He'd texted to say he was on his way over in the early morning, and your heart skipped several beats. And in attempt to make yourself look less disheveled and sleep-deprived, you put on a clean pair of clothes—sweats and a tank top with one of Spencer's cardigans—and brushed your hair. To make it all feel a little more real, you splashed cool water on your face and rubbed at your eyes to wake yourself up a bit.

You were patiently sitting on the couch, two warm cups of tea laid out in front of you on the low table when there was a knock on your door, followed by a soft, "It's me," ad you were to the door in an instant.

As always, the sight of him drove you half wild. He looked exhausted, his hair particularly messy and his clothing hung loosely around him. His eyes softened when he saw you, like he was finally in the one place he truly wanted to be, like he was home, and the sight of his bottom lip wobbling every so slightly was enough to have you pull him inside by the shirt and into your arms.

The bag slung over his shoulder dropped with a heavy thud to the ground, and both of his arms snuck to the back of your waist as you leaned up on your tip-toes and squeezed yourself into his body. Your arms clung to his neck, and the big sigh of relief that you felt leave his body utterly wrecked you.

The door to your apartment remained wide open as you stood there in the doorway and hugged each other, silently reuniting in a way that conveyed exhaustion and relief and comfort. There was a tinge of sadness there, too, and you knew it most likely stemmed from the self-deprecation you'd come to know Spencer was prone to. After all he'd been through in the past few months, you knew in your gut that feeling would most likely be very strong in his heart.

So you did your best to quell it, shoving your face further into his neck and running your hands through his hair as he squeezed you tight. Your heart pulled apart at the seams at the way he shook against you, low, shaky breaths that you knew to be cries expelling from his system at last. Deep down it was obvious that he hadn't taken the time to let it all out... Now that he was there with you, safe and out of harm's way, he had the freedom to let go in any way he chose, any way that would be easiest without any judgement or shame.

With you, Spencer was well and truly safe.

"I've got you," you breathed into his neck, your fingers gently massaging the back of his head. "I love you.

He tried to say it back, but when his throat willed to finally make a sound, all that came out was a choked sob.

You held him tighter and let him cry against you, his body going half-limp in your arms.

***

By the time Spencer had finished crying enough for you to move inside, drink your tea in silence, take a well-needed and soothing shower together, and get into bed, it was only noon. He was snuggled into your side, his head resting on your chest as you combed through his damp curls with your fingers. His own fingers drew mindless patterns over the expanse of your stomach, his whole hand shoved up under your shirt and basking in the warmth you provided.

"I don't know about you, but I'm getting kinda hungry," you mumbled loud enough for him to hear. You'd been in silence for so long now, it almost felt too loud, even though you barely used your voice at all.

"I'd ask you to make your mac and cheese, but I don't want to leave the bed... I don't want to leave you."

You laughed a little, his head slightly bobbing at the motion. "I can order some Thai if you want. It won't be here for another half hour maybe, and we can stay in bed a little while longer."

"Okay."

You reached over to your bedside table, grabbing your phone and placing an order for delivery from your favorite Thai place. Just the thought of the food, saying the words out loud and feeling Spencer mutter soft Mmms into your skin at the thought of food made your stomach growl. You honestly weren't sure how long it'd been since you ate anything substantial, and Spencer was probably in the same boat.

Just as you promised, the both of you laid in bed for around thirty-five minutes before the food got there. He grumbled as you got up to answer the door, but you promised him you wouldn't be long and that after eating, you could stay in bed as long as you wanted to.

And that's what you did. You tried your hardest not to scarf everything down, not truly realizing just how hungry you were until the food was right in front of you, smelling as delicious as ever and ready to be consumed.

Spencer sat across from you at the table, though it was obvious in the way he kept looking up at you that all he wanted was to be touching you, to be enveloped in your warmth again. Your heart ached for him as you set your fork down and scooped more of the food onto it. Hoping to somewhat satiate his need to be near you, you reached your leg out under the table, dragging your bare foot over his calf. He smiled softly at you, his entire body seeming to relax again at your touch.

For the next ten minutes you ate in comfortable silence, your foot gently sliding up ad down his lower leg.

And when you were both finally done, he clung to you as you navigated the kitchen, throwing out garbage, putting dishes in the sink, and boxing up leftovers. His arms wrapped around your stomach as he stood behind you, his head resting on your shoulder and his hair tickling your cheek.

At one point you brought one of your hands up to brush his cheek, and your head careened to the side to give him a small kiss on the corner of the mouth. His hands slipped under your shirt then, fingers spreading and engulfing the surface area of your lower stomach. Their gentleness and warmth made you sigh as you slumped back against him, using your hand to cup his cheek as best as you could.

"I missed you so much, baby," you whispered, your thumb lightly stroking his bottom lip. Your wrist was cramping a little from the angle, but you didn't care.

Spencer leaned into your palm and kissed it gently, mumbling, "I missed you, too, sweetheart."

The relief and comfort that seeped out of his words made your heart swell, so much so that you couldn't stand it any longer. You turned around and hugged him again, your arms wrapping around his neck as his pressed firmly to your lower back. You squeezed him tight, peppering tiny kisses along his neck and shoulder blade. Eventually your kisses shifted along his jaw, then his cheek, and then you pressed the gentlest of kisses to his lips before moving to the other side and continuing your adventure along the other side of his neck.

He always loved when you kissed him like that, softly praising every inch of his skin through gentle lips and whispered I love yous in between.

You pulled back for a moment, smiling softly at him as your fingers interlocked behind his head, just at the nape of his neck.

"I... I don't know what I did to deserve you," he said with a slight crack in his voice. "I constantly put you through danger and worry, a—and somehow you still... still manage to make me feel like I deserve your love."

Your throat tightened, threatening to spill choked sobs. But you swallowed and pushed through, one of your hands sliding down over his neck and up to his cheek again. "Spencer, ever since I met you, all you've done is shower me with unconditional love and understanding. You... You teach me new things and you have this natural habit of making me feel like the only woman in the world. Every day, you show me how much you care about other people, and at the end of the day, that's all that matters. It's... The bad days are hard, sure, but when I see your face for the first time in days, sometimes weeks? God... Spencer, there's nothing that compares to that feeling."

You were teary-eyed now, and Spencer was full-on silently crying, tears streaming down his cheeks, and you wiped them all away as you spoke to him.

"So yes, of course you deserve my love... You deserve every ounce of love the world has to offer."

You leaned up and kissed him then, tasting the faint saltiness of tears combined with the food you'd just eaten. If it meant seeing him smile, making him feel comfort and love, you would have kissed away all his tears.

And you were going to, moving to pepper more kisses along his cheeks where the water had fallen, but he brought his hands to your face and kissed you deeper, his body sinking into yours and daring you to never leave him.

You wouldn't, as long as you lived.

You stood higher on your tip-toes and clung to his neck as he kissed you, lips sliding over yours perfectly. And though everything about the way he kissed you was a declaration of love and gratitude for your affections and undying support, you'd have be lying if you said your belly didn't pool with a low-burning heat, reminiscent of a pot of boiling water. His hands on your face, the way his thumbs brushed over your cheek and his tongue barely probed your lips open, all of it was more than enough to make you dizzy.

Eventually he moved to kiss your jaw, goosebumps forming over your skin as he whispered against you. "I love you so much, Y/N..." His lips pressed to your neck. "So..." Your jawline. "...damn..." Under your ear. "...much..."

You couldn't help the choked whimper that fell from your lips as he gently nibbled on your earlobe, right before he spoke again. His hands slid down over your arms and interlocked themselves with yours, his breath hot next to your ear. "Let me show you... Please..." He started kissing your neck again, just as one of his hands migrated to the hem of your shirt, slipping under the fabric and tracing featherlight lines into your side. You whined again as he mumbled against your neck.

"Let me make love to you..."

Those six simple words were more than enough to push you off the edge, unable to take any more of this low-boiling heat in your stomach. You hummed low in your throat as your hands grabbed his wrists and placed them at your hips, daring them to firmly grip you— And they did. Spencer's lips dragged up your neck before finding your lips once more, and the whine that escaped you was nothing if not desperate.

He continued kissing you all the way back to your bedroom. Once your legs it the end of the bed, you buckled and sat down, too weak in the knees to stay upright any longer. He wasn't rough with you in the slightest, his lips still passionate but oh so slow and intoxicating, like sweet, thick honey. That alone made your limbs weak and your heartbeat as quick and loud as a drum roll. His hands roamed carefully over your body, up and under your shirt, over your arms, every so lightly between your thighs as he slipped between them to lay you down.

And once you were leaned all the way back, he brought his hands to your face, caressing your cheek the same way you'd caressed his.

He pulled back, looking into your eyes with his, their golden color almost completely swallowed by his pupils. His breath fanned gently over your mouth, and you smiled, resting one of your hands atop his on your cheek. You leaned into his touch and wrapped your legs around his waist, drawing him near and hoping you could stay with him forever.

"I love you," you whispered.

He leaned down and kissed you again, mumbling, "I love you," into your mouth as he did so. His lips migrated down your skin again, pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses all over. "I missed you... Missed your warmth..."

He shifted down your body then, his kisses starting up again at your stomach where your shirt had ridden up. When his tongue licked a thin stripe across your lower stomach, you whimpered and trembled underneath him, feeling wetness already dampening your panties. He laughed against your skin, pressing another kiss to your stomach. "Missed all your little whimpers..." He slid downwards, trailing his fingers along the waistband of your pants before slowly tugging them down, his lips following the trail through each new centimeter of exposed skin. "...and how squirmy you get when I touch you like this..."

Your pants were off quicker than you thought, but he left your underwear on as he kissed up your legs, starting at your ankle and slowly making his way up to your thighs. Your hands fisted the sheets when his breath blew out over the crease of your thigh, eliciting another desperate whine from your throat. And though it was hard to hear over the blood rushing in your ears, thrumming nearly as loudly as your heart, you were still able to hear Spencer's low laugh at your reaction, a sound that made you even wetter.

"I missed teasing you like this," he continued, running his middle finger over your opening through the thin panties you had on. You squirmed again, hips jolting at his touch— a touch you hadn't felt in months. You were utterly wrecked, and he barely even did anything to you, a fact he picked up on pretty quickly.

"You missed it, too, haven't you, sweetheart? Hmm?" His finger pressed harder into you, no doubt feeling how wet, how warm and ready for him you were. "My poor, pretty girl, haven't been touched in months. It must have been so lonely..." Though his words were teasing, a means to get you hot and bothered, there was also an underlying tone of truth to them— of this aching pity and sadness and regret... His words were apologetic as much as they were teasing, and everything all at once was making you ache for him more.

"Y—Yes, baby," you choked out as best as you could, opening your eyes to see how thoroughly wrecked he was. "Fuck, I missed you so much... No... No one touches me li—ike you do."

"I'm so sorry for leaving you all alone, baby," he whispers, kissing your thighs once more before moving to where you were already craving his full attention. "Let me make it up to you..."

He replaced his finger with his tongue, warm and wet as it firmly pressed over your clothed cunt. A loud sigh escaped you as he kept it pressed there, ever so slightly curling the tip of it to reach further inside you. He pulled back after a few moments, pressing kiss after kiss all around the seams of your underwear until he reached your center again. He tugged the fabric down until it was off, kissing up your leg again.

"I can't wait to get reacquainted..." His lips moved softly against the skin on your inner thighs, moving closer to where you ached for him with every passing second. And then his face was right there, millimeters away from it when he spoke, his lips ever so lightly dancing over the slick flesh. "...with this pretty little pussy."

When his tongue darted out, you shattered beneath him immediately. It was only the tiniest of touches, the very tip of his tongue coming in contact just below your clit, and still it was enough to ruin you. Among the many lonely nights you'd had over the course of the last few months, you were met with dreams of this exact moment, Spencer's head between your legs as he unraveled you, and it always left you feeling even more lonely when you woke up.

But this was no dream. He was really there, in front of you, making up for lost time. And that's what made you lose control.

He kitten-licked your clit through your first orgasm of the night, and as you came down, you couldn't help but feel embarrassed at how quickly it took for you to fall apart.

"Oh, sweetheart... That was so damn beautiful." He brought his tongue out to lick through your folds again, humming lowly in he back of his throat. You watched him intently, trying not to shake, and noticed his eyes roll into the back of his head with a flutter as he delved further into you. The sight, accompanied by his tongue now plunging itself into you, made you cry out, your head hitting the bed and your hands clenching the sheets even harder.

He reacquainted himself with your pussy just fine, spending almost an hour alone exploring every way to make you come as if he'd never done it before. Each time you came down, he'd pull away and start off slow again, gently probing his fingers inside of you while his tongue massaged your clit every which way. It was like pure velvet, each stroke of his tongue and each curl of his fingers inside of you causing you to crash and burn over and over again. In between your high-pitched moans and cries, Spencer would occasionally mumble words of praise against your skin, a particular favorite of yours being the, "Perfect fucking cunt, princess..." right before gently sucking at your clit.

By the time he was finished, your three slow-building orgasms and the one quick one under his belt, his hair was absolutely wild as he looked up at you. He moved up your body, the wetness on his face glistening in the sunlight that poured through the bedroom window, and the hungry look in his eyes dissolved into absolute adoration and wonder as he took in your appearance.

Your mouth was partway open, your middle finger tucked between your teeth as you recovered from your highs. Sweat glittered over your brow and your chest heaved deeply, a smile forming on your lips when he bit his bottom lip and studied you.

"You sure you're okay to keep going?" he asked you gently, using a thumb to brush over your cheek.

The deep rasp in his voice after having been... occupied for the past hour sent a wave of pleasure coursing through your veins. So you nodded, removing your finger from your mouth and bringing his face down to meet yours in a deep, loving kiss that had you both weak in the knees.

You slid up to the head of the bed, your legs resting wide open as Spencer removed himself of his clothes. You rid your shirt as well, the two of you never losing eye contact as you bared yourselves to each other for the first time in months. The air between you two was utterly electric, all this time apart coming to an end at last. Your bodies practically buzzed with the nearness, your veins going numb each time he brushed up against you as he settled out of his clothes and in between your legs.

When he leaned forward, the head of his cock gliding up through your folds to ready himself, you sighed out, reaching up to grab his face with both of your hands. Your fingers gently brushed away stray strands of hair from his eyes, and you smiled, hoping to convey to him just how much you truly loved him. Sure enough, his eyes softened once again under your gaze, and mostly, almost entirely gone was the insecurity and sorrow that had plagued them.

"I love you, Spencer," you told him, bringing his face down so your noses were touching. You brushed your nose against his and then pressed a gentle kiss to it, right as he started to push into you. You captured each others' shaky, relieved sighs as he bottomed out, holding himself deep inside you and pulling your legs up to wrap around his arms. Your tongue licked up into his mouth as you whined, already so relieved to have him in your arms (and quite frankly your pussy) once again.

He started to move ever so slowly, never fully retreating all the way before pressing his hips back into yours, and the groan that left his throat as he felt you clamping around him wrecked you all all over again. "So tight and warm," he mused softly against your lips, accepting and returning every kiss you gave him as he continued a slow, searing pace inside of you. "I've missed you so much, pretty girl... Dreamt... about you almost every night..."

"Me, too," you admitted, softly moaning out at the burning between your legs. "Missed... feeling you inside me. You always... Ohhh... always f—fill me up so g—good." Pressure was already building between your hips again, threatening to pop like a balloon at any given moment. But you wanted to hold on, to revel in this moment as long as you could.

Your hands grazed over his shoulders, lightly digging your nails into the skin as he drove into you a little harder. His pace was still tantalizingly slow, though the force with which he showed you how much he loved you, accented with a sharp, loud slap of skin each time, more than made up for it.

It didn't help that you could hear how wet you were with each movement, how aroused he made you and how loved he made you feel. It was something he obviously knew, but being able to hear it, every wet and delicious sound that came from your body as he made love to you like that, praised him better than any words could possibly dream.

Still, he asked you anyway, a means of dirty talk if nothing else. "You hear that, princess? You hear how good I make you feel?"

You buried your face into his neck, incoherently moaning and grumbling out curses as he shifted his hips and angled himself deeper inside you. Your legs were burning from being bent and wrapped around his arms, but somehow that burn only added to the pressure building in your belly. You couldn't help clenching around him, an action which made him groan into your neck.

"Go ahead and come for me, pretty girl," he stuttered out. "I... I know you have to. Let go for me... Give me all you got..."

His words, strained and raspy, coupled with hot kisses to your neck certainly helped you get there, but you wanted more. "But I want you to come with me," you whimpered out, clutching onto his shoulders. "I wanna... be... together again."

To help him out, you clenched around him over and over, giving him a tighter space to work with, and a guttural groan escaped him as his hips started to stutter. "Together..." is all he could coherently get out.

As soon as the word left his lips, you both shattered, trembling and sparking to life with pleasure. He spilled over inside of you, white hot and thick. It was a feeling you missed dearly, the dreams of it never able to fully satiate your need for him. In turn your walls fluttered around him and you whined into his shoulder, bringing your hands up to grip his hair as his cock twitched inside of you and gave you everything he had to offer. You clung to the feeling as long as you could, rolling your hips up to keep it all in and ride out your high to the fullest extent.

In fact, you were pretty sure that even by the end, when he'd slumped over on top of you and loosened your legs, you were still orgasming, a low burn settling in your stomach as you kept clenching around him, almost like you were trying to drink him up into you like a milkshake through straw.

"B—Baby, I'm gonna... come again if you keep that up," Spencer stuttered, his hands combing through your hair now as his lips pressed into your neck.

You only hummed in response, wrapping your legs around his waist and hooking your ankles over his ass. You kept contracting slowly around him, rolling your hips upwards, even as his warm cum started to spill out of you. Soon enough, he was doing it again, filling you up with warmth and love, his mouth open and hot on the skin of your neck as he did so, muttering your name over and over.

Eventually you loosened your hold on him, every muscle in your body relaxing and falling to the bed with a low tingle of numbness. With Spencer kissing softly over your neck and up to your mouth, you were the most content you'd been in months.

You must have stayed in bed for hours, even though he tried to tell you that you should probably clean up. You only grumbled in response, holding him tighter to you and burying your face into his neck. Still, he laid there, rubbing your head and clinging to you anyways, finally glad to be home.

And even though you were technically home, it never really felt that way when he was gone— To be home was to be near him. And you never wanted to leave his side again, even though realistically you knew you'd need to be separated eventually.

But for now, you could be near him like he was never going to leave, reveling in the warmth and comfort that his arms provided.

And with you he could do the same.

***

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[xlbrh]

Genshin Impact - First Kiss Scenarios

notes : okay okay this is a super cute request!! also thankyou so much for the love and support - i hope that you enjoy!!

gosh uni is starting again for me next week so updates may not be as frequent, but ill try my best to keep on top of them!

Genshin Masterlist

warnings : none

format : bulleted, headcanons, scenarios, fluff

pairings : diluc x gn! reader, xiao x gn! reader, albedo x gn! reader

word count : 1581

everything under the cut-

Diluc:

our sweetheart darknight hero

he’s not against affection, but he’s definitely a more private person

he would prefer most things to be kept to just you two, behind closed doors

that doesn’t mean certain nosy people *cough venti and kaeya cough* would refrain from asking him all the ins and outs of his personal life

one time kaeya would be asking away as usual, and that’s when he’d notice

‘damn, we haven’t kissed yet, huh?’

he would be sO CLUELESS up till then i swear

chances are he’d act on it a night after you both leave the angel’s share, as he accompanies you home

thankfully this one particular night there are no threats that would take his mind off of you

After checking up on business at the Angel’s Share and leaving the rest of the night to Charles, Diluc offers you a hand as he guides you away from the boisterous shouting and singing. His hand would fully envelop yours, providing a small sense of warmth in the otherwise rather chilly night. Thanks to it being rather late at night, the streets of Mondstadt remain somewhat barren, aside from the occasional drunk man stumbling around or the meowing of some of the neighbourhood cats you sometimes hear.

“Ah! Well, here we are then,”

You’d both arrived at the doorstep to your house, briefly releasing Diluc’s hand so that you could find your keys in your pockets.

“Are these what you’re looking for, love?”

You turned around to see your keys twirling around Diluc’s finger – the look in his eyes is one of amusement as a small smirk appears on his lips.

“Next time, be careful where you put them. Leaving on the bar top probably isn’t the best idea.”

A light blush crosses your face in embarrassment as you look away, Diluc moving around you to unlock your front door himself. Before you go to step inside he grabbed your wrist, his grip firm but soft. One hand worked it’s way up to your chin, tilting it so that your eyes would connect with one another. Diluc stared into your eyes for a moment before glancing down to your lips, where his gaze momentarily lingered.

“…May I?” Although his voice was deeper, it didn’t hold the usual strength – a subtle display of vulnerability in front of you. Moonlight shone down onto his pale face, displaying the sheer redness that lay across his cheeks.

“Of course..”

In an instant he connected his lips with your own, a little more forcefully than he probably would have liked, but by no means were you complaining. One of his hands held the back of your head to guide you delicately into the kiss, the other choosing to settle on your hip. Your own arms made their way to wrap around his neck, playing with his hair that fell down his back.  

He pulled away with a small smile on his face, one hand cupping your face while his thumb stroked against your cheek.

“Well, are you going to invite me inside or shall we stay out here, hmm?”

Xiao:

it would take xiao a very long time to properly warm up to any type of physical affection

but kiSSING???

this poor man gets embarrassed just thinking about it

to be honest it would take a while for it to cross his mind

one day he’d just be looking out at liyue and see a young couple share a short and sweet kiss

and then it would register – wait, i haven’t done that yet

he would have to psyche himself up for it big time, it wouldn’t be something just out of nowhere

most likely he would invite you to meet him privately – maybe a cliff top or the wangshu balcony where you find him mostly

it would be nighttime, with the stars lighting up the midnight sky

“You should have seen me fighting the hilichurls earlier! There was one that was exceptionally tough and…”

Xiao drowned out your voice from beside him in his own thoughts. He had asked you how your day had gone as a means of distraction while he tried to compose and prepare himself for what he had planned.

“-and then some treasure hoarders showed up out of nowhere and-!”

“Hey, (Y/N), can you close your eyes for a second?”

He cut you off mid sentence, unable to keep himself waiting any longer. You turned to him with a hint of confusion evident in your eyes before replying.  

“Ummm, okay then..? What’s going on, Xiao?”

He ignored the question as you did as he asked. Xiao’s nerves were rising through the roof as he approached you and turned you around to face him properly, his hands lingering on your arms gently. Slowly, they worked their way up to your shoulders, with one resting lightly on your next. At this point you began to get flustered yourself – it wasn’t like Xiao to initiate this sort of contact.  

“H-Hey.. what are you doing..?”

Both of his hands trailed up to cup your cheeks, tilting your head so that if your eyes were open, they would be staring directly into his. A light blush had adorned your face, not that the same couldn’t be said for his face. Xiao took a deep breath before leaning forward and connecting his lips with yours. With this you let out a small gasp – was this really happening right now? His touch was gentle, almost hesitant, and it didn’t take long before you melted into the kiss. One of his hands left your face, allowing for his arm to wrap gently around your waist while your own hands rested atop his chest, clutching at his shirt.

After a short while you both pulled away, equally nervous about what had just occurred. Xiao allowed his forehead to rest against your own, before finally speaking.

“You really don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

Albedo:

hmm hmm now this one is interesting

he’s probably slightly more comfortable with affection than xiao is

but that by no means makes him less flustered about it

although most people think he would probably think about this for a while before actually going ahead with it

i like to think this would be something quite spontaneous for him

sure, he’d probably do a little bit of, ahem, ‘research’ about it

he’d for sure ask either lisa and kaeya for some advice - don’t question me

but all in all it wouldn’t be something he necessarily plans out

chances are it would happen when you’re assisting him with his research in his office

he would have asked you to do a couple small jobs before him – with you both waiting to observe the results of his latest experiment

You opened the door to Albedo’s office, a large stack of books balanced between your arms. He had asked you to see if Lisa had any books related to his current experiment. You didn’t really have any idea what alchemical nonsense he was up to now, but if it made him happy then you were more than willing to help out every so often.

His gaze moved up from the vial in his hand to your form, a small smile formed on his face as he placed the vial down in a stand and strode over to you to help.

“Welcome back (Y/N). Judging from this amount of books, I imagine you managed to find what I was looking for?”

He took the books out of your arms with ease, your back finally relieved of the excess weight you’d been carrying.

“Mhmm, they should all be here. It took me a while to find them all, but I got there in the end,”

Albedo placed the books atop his desk, turning round to face you after you’d followed him over. With him being so observant, he noticed the slight tremors coursing through your arms, clearly from the strain of his task for you. Despite that you had the brightest smile on, the usual peaceful aura surrounding you that he loved to relish in.

“You know you can tell me when things are a bit too much to do at once.. right?”

His voice held concern that you’d only heard on a few occasions, although you tried your best not to worry him. Out of embarrassment you turned away, your face burning to the point where it could put a pyro vision to shame. A light laugh resonated from his direction – usually you’d laugh along with him but this time it just made you all the more flustered. So much so you didn’t notice a hand of his reaching up to the top of your head, patting it affectionately.

“Nonetheless I’m always grateful for what you do, so thank you,”

The hand on your head moved down to your cheek as he took a step forward and turned your head so that you were facing him, capturing your lips with his own. The surprise of the moment caused you to take a step back, your body hitting the desk he previously placed the books on to. When you came to your senses you found yourself melting into the kiss, one hand resting on his chest while the other lay on the desk, intertwined with his other hand.

The moment didn’t last for too long before he pulled away, placing a final kiss onto your forehead.

“Now.. let’s get back to work, shall we?”

[qjhughes]

pearls

Pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

Genre: pure smut

Word Count: 3.7k

Summary: There’s something about Harry’s pearls that just get you going.

Warning(s): a fascination for harry’s pearls, oral (f receiving), slight degradation, he smacks her thigh one (1) time, unprotected sex (don’t be a fool, wrap your tool!!! (or make sure he wraps his!!!!), choking, breeding kink, aftercare

A/N: this is literally just smut!!!!!! reader’s discretion is advised!!!! read at your own risk!!!! anyway, i went completely in for this one please don’t come at me for my love of the pearls, okay????? it’s almost worse than the love for the rings!!! actually, who am i kidding?? it’s definitely worse than the love for the rings!!!!! the necklace is just so hot and it rests on his pretty little clavicle so fucking nicely like oh my god someone save me i cannot breathe!!!!! anyway!!!!! without further ado, here’s just a whole lot of filth!!!

also thank u to @glowunderthemoon​ for the visual and the ideas!!! also thank u to @strawberryystyles​, @sweetheartharry​, @soullikestyles​, @lookupandseethestars​, and @mindofharry​ for screaming about this with me <3 thank you guys for the ideas and the hype and for just being the way you are i love u guys or whatever

Masterlist | Request | Come Talk!! | Patreon

Reblog the fics that you like please & thank u!

*

Y/N’s been needy for Harry since he walked through the door. He came into their house in black designer dress pants and an extremely expensive white button up shirt that all but made her drool. She was sitting on the couch as she watched him kick off his shiny black boots and shrug off the jacket that matched his pants. 

All of these things made her want him, but what really set her off was the delicate string of pearls that were perched so perfectly atop his clavicle. He’s been wearing them for weeks and there’s something about them that make her arousal pool in her underwear faster than anything else.

She hasn’t told him this, of course. She doesn’t really think that he’d understand her fascination with a piece of jewelry, so she just went about her search for satisfaction like she normally would.

Harry, however, had different plans. Sure, she hadn’t told him about the infatuation that she had grown to have with his pearls, but he had easily found out. He could tell by the way that her eyes got a little bigger and she gulped every time that he would run his finger across the beads and pull just a bit when he was stressed. He noticed the way that her thighs would clench when he took the necklace into his mouth and how, just once, she let out a gasp when he let it fall from his mouth and there was a thin string of spit connecting his lips to the beads. That’s really when he knew, because she hid her face and tried to push it off even though he could see the way that she was rubbing her thighs together. 

So, when Y/N strolls into their room and comes up to Harry, giving him her signature pouty look, with her bottom lip jutting out slightly and her eyes wide, almost innocent, he gives in easier than she thought he would, but that’s simply because he wants to test out what exactly his pearls do to her.

He grabs the back of her head firmly and pulls her closer to him the second that she whispers to him, telling him that she wants him. He presses his lips to hers hungrily as soon as she’s close enough for him to do so. She immediately kisses him back with just as much fervor, loving the way that his mouth molds with hers just like they were made to be kissing each other. He pushes her back onto the bed as he swipes his tongue over her bottom lip, and she quickly opens up for him, letting him dip his tongue into her mouth to dance with her own. 

As her back hits the bed, he maneuvers one of his thighs to slot between hers and he applies the slightest bit of pressure when he feels the warmth of her heat seep through the layers of fabric that are keeping them from each other.

Harry pulls away from her mouth to catch his breath and smiles at the way she looks so fucked out already. “Look at you, puppy,” he teases. “Already look so gone and I haven’t even touched you yet.” 

She whines and leans up slightly in an attempt to kiss him again, but he wants something different. He leans down and begins peppering kisses along her jaw before traveling down and leaving open mouthed kisses to her neck. He stops briefly on her sweet spot, sucking and nipping at the skin until he knows that there will be a bruise for her to tend to in the morning. 

She tries to control her breathing as she feels his lips dance across her skin, and she almost succeeds until the cool surface of his pearls fall onto her skin. A shiver runs down her spine as the beads trail everywhere that he goes. 

He pauses his ministrations, teasing his fingers under the hem of her shirt as he looks up at her. When she nods her permission, he slips it over her head and haphazardly tosses it somewhere in the room. He looks down at her, tracing the skin that he just uncovered and licking his lips like he’s seeing the best thing in the world. And to him, he is. 

He then resumes his descent down her body, making sure to lick at every inch of skin that he can reach. He stops his trail as he reaches her breasts, which are bare due to the fact that she had foregone a bra today, which Harry personally thinks is one of the best ideas she’s ever had, taking one into his hand to squeeze just as harshly as he knows that gets her going, but doesn’t hurt her. He immediately takes the nipple of one into his mouth and licks circles around the peak as he pinches and rolls the other between his fingers. He’s always been one to pay equal amounts of attention to both, so he repeats his actions on the opposite breast before kissing down her belly. 

She arches her back slightly when he nips at the skin of her hip and the pearls fall directly against the part of her that needs him the most.

Looking up at her, he murmurs, “Can I take these off, doll?” He messes with the band of her sweatpants and panties, and he begins sliding them down her legs the moment that she lets out a breathy “please.”

Once they’re off, he throws them just as he did with her shirt and shimmies down until he’s able to press teasing kisses to her calves. He knows that he’s being slightly mean by not giving into what she wants, but he wants to let the chilly pearls slide across her heated skin to get her even more worked up before he gives into what he knows she’s aching for. So he leaves sloppy open mouthed kisses from her calf up to the soft skin of her thigh and then repeats on the opposite leg. By the time he’s at the top of her second leg, she’s squirming. 

“Daddy, please, wanna feel you.” Y/N begs, lifting her head from the mattress to meet his gaze. “Please.”

And really, how can he say no to his girl begging him to touch her? There’s no way that he possibly can, so he spreads her legs further, wrapping his arms around her thighs to keep them open for him. 

“Yeah, you wanna feel me, puppy? Wanna feel Daddy’s tongue against your pretty little pussy?” he teases as he leans down to lick a long stripe through her folds. She immediately arches her back, whining at the feeling of his tongue against her cunt. He smirks against your heat as you reach down and thread your hands in his hair, tugging when he circles his tongue around her clit before taking it in his mouth and sucking.

Breathy moans of his name fall from her mouth like a prayer and he traces patterns against her sensitive bundle of nerves. He pulls away from her and her hips immediately raise to meet his mouth once again. 

He brings his palm down on her thigh quickly, smacking the skin just hard enough to get her to plant her hips back to the soft surface of the mattress. “You know better, puppy. You take what I give you, nothing more,” he chides, caressing the skin that was tingling lightly from his slap. “Are you already feeling that good? Does my tongue make you feel so good that it’s the only thing you can think about?” He shakes his head. “Such a dumb puppy, yeah?” He chuckles when she whines. “Don’t worry, baby, it’s okay, because you’re my dumb puppy, right?”

She immediately nods. “Yes, Daddy, I’m your dumb puppy.” She knows that he wants to hear her say it exactly as he did, so she does. It’s a bit embarrassing, but when a bright smile bleeds across his face and he buries his face back in her cunt, licking into her until her thighs are shaking around his head. She can feel the heat in her lower stomach start to spread throughout her body. She’s right there and just before she opens her mouth to ask him if she can cum, he pulls away. She holds back her whine, knowing that it’ll just get her in trouble, but she’s not sure how well she fends off the pout from cementing itself to her face.

If she’s bad at hiding it, though, he doesn’t say anything. He just stands from the bed and begins unbuttoning his shirt so he can have even less fabric between the two of them. While he’s busying himself with that, she slinks off the bed to sit on her knees in front of him. He looks down at her, eyes slightly wide as he takes her in. The sight of her eager below him makes him throb in his pants, and there’s almost nothing more that he wants than to use her pretty little throat to get off, but he’d much rather see her suck on something else. Preferably while he fucks into her so that he can see her eyes roll into the back of her head as she tries to keep her mouth closed.

So, when she reaches forward for the zipper of his pants, he grabs her wrists to stop her. “Not this time, puppy.” She pouts at his words and he moves one hand to caress her cheek. “I know how much you love having things in your mouth. Greedy little puppy always has to have something to suck on.” He chuckles darkly when she whines low in her throat. “I’ve seen you starin’ at my pearls lately, baby, why don’t you put those in your mouth instead?”

Her nod is subconscious, her head bobbing before the words have even fully registered in her brain. The only thing she really heard was ‘pearls’ and her mouth immediately watered. 

She watches as he pops the button on his pants before dragging his zipper down. He lets his hands fall to his sides once he’s done. “Finish undressing me, puppy. You wouldn’t want to make me do all the work, would you?” he drawls, smirking down at her.

She reaches up and dips her fingers below the band of his pants and boxers before tugging them down his thighs. His cock springs free of the restraints and smacks against his stomach. The head is leaking precum, almost like it’s weeping to be touched. She yearns to smear her lips across the drippy tip but she knows he’ll be mad if she does, especially since he told her that he didn’t want her mouth around his dick this time. So instead, she leans forward to sponge kisses along his thighs as she pushes the clothing down to his ankles. After a few moments, she backs away to let him kick the pesky fabric off. 

Once he’s completely bare, she lets her gaze meet his again. She takes in the way that he looks so powerful standing above her, like he controls everything in the room. And really, at this point in time, he does.

“Stand up,” he commands. She listens without a second thought, pushing herself to her feet to stand in front of him. He takes a good look at her before placing his hand on the back of her neck and pulling her forward so that he can smear their lips together. He fits her bottom lip between his two as he walks them backwards to the bed. Getting lost in the taste of her on his tongue, he lets them both fall onto the bed again. When she moans into his mouth, he pulls away to allow them to catch their breath. 

He backs away from her, coming to rest on his knees in front of where she’s sprawled out on the bed. She looks up at him with lust filled, wanting eyes as he wraps his hand around the base of his cock and gives himself a few languid strokes. His thumb swipes across his tip to gather his precum and slick it down his shaft. Her eyes train on his tip, the skin flushed a bright red. There’s already more precum leaking from the slit as he continues stroking himself. After a few moments, he bucks into his hand and she whines, spreading her legs for him.

“You want me inside, baby? Wanna feel daddy in your tummy?” he teases, continuing to stroke his cock as his eyes roam over her body. She nods and he chuckles, shaking his head. “Beg for it, then. Show me just how greedy my pretty little puppy can be.”

She opens her mouth before closing it again, she can’t just beg him for that! “If you don’t want to, I can always get myself off,” he warns and her mouth immediately opens again.

“No, no, please,” she whines. “Don’t want you to get yourself off.” She pouts.

“Then do as I said,” he groans, rolling his head back as hips buck into his hands once again, “and beg.”

“Fuck me, please, wanna feel you,” she begs. “Feel so empty without you, wanna feel full. Daddy, please.” 

Harry gives into her begs, coming back over to her. He rests his hands on either side of her head, framing her in. He leans down, connecting their lips. It’s messy, all gnashing teeth and fighting tongues, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. She takes his bottom lip between her teeth and tugs slightly, causing him to groan into her mouth. He lowers himself onto his forearms so that he can take one hand down to his cock. Wrapping his hand around the base, he drags the tip through Y/N’s folds, causing her to let out a shuddering breath. 

The head bumps against her clit, making her arch her back slightly to increase her pleasure. One stern look from him has her pressing back down into the mattress, though. He smirks down at her as she obeys him with nothing more to go off of but a glare.

He leans down slightly, pressing a gentle kiss to her nose. “Tell me if you’re uncomfortable at any time, yeah? Just because I’m more on the harsh side tonight doesn’t mean I care about your comfort any less,” he reassures, looking deep into her eyes.

“I will, promise,” she murmurs, reaching up to grab onto his pearls loosely before tugging, causing him to fall close enough to her face so that she can ghost her lips against his. “Now, fuck me, daddy. Wanna feel you for days.”

He groans, pushing his cock into her dripping pussy as he breathes out puffs of air against her mouth. Once he’s buried to the hilt, he chuckles at her, smirking darkly. “You like my pearls so much that you just can’t keep your greedy little hands off of them, yeah?” he taunts before pulling out until only the tip of his cock is still inside of her. He thrusts back in harshly, making her cry out in pleasure.

He sets a steady pace as he moves his face down to her throat, leaving sloppy kisses along her pulse. When he meets her sweet spot, causing her to let out a whimpery moan. He bites down on the skin there, letting his tongue meet the skin afterwards to soothe the skin. His hips stutter for just a moment when she squeezes around him. “Fuck, puppy you’re so tight for me, so fucking tight,” he pants into her neck. “Every single time we do this—fuck—you take me in so fucking snug, so right. God it’s like you were fucking made for me.”

She brings her hands to the side of his neck in an attempt to bring his mouth to hers. She grasps on to the string of pearls that are bouncing against his collar bone with every sharp thrust. He gives in to her whines and places a quick peck to satiate her need before leaning up and grasping her hips, positioning his own in a way that makes him hit even deeper. She cries out as his cock hits that spot inside of her that makes her a whimpery, whiny mess.

He smirks when her head falls back in bliss and her mouth forms an ‘o’. Gripping onto her hips so hard that she’s sure she’ll have grape sized bruises tomorrow. Honestly though, as she wraps her legs around his waist, pulling him closer to her, she can’t bring herself to care about the marks.

He reaches down to rub circles on her clit, sending jolts of electricity shooting up her spine. She cries out, getting completely lost in the feeling of him fucking into her while toying with her bundle of nerves. 

After a few moments, he moves his free hand to her throat, wrapping his hand around her neck as she meets his eyes. He tightly, enough to restrict her breathing. His fingers squeeze against the sides of her neck, making the blood rush through her. The feeling is amazing, each thrust pairing with his grip on her throat pushing her closer and closer to the edge.

“D-daddy,” she rasps, bringing her hands up to wrap around his wrist. “Can—can I cum?” she begs, voice raspy due to his hand being pressed directly against her windpipe. 

“You wanna cum for me puppy?” She nods, desperately whining. “Then do it, soak my cock for me, baby. Show me just how good my cock feels inside your pussy.” 

She lets go, the bubble in her lower stomach popping as the euphoric feeling of her orgasm washes through her body. Every fiber of her being feels like it’s on fire as she squeezes around his cock, reaching up to bring his face closer to hers. He groans into her mouth, letting his mouth sloppily mold with hers as she whines, pulsing around his dick as she rides out her orgasm.

He continues rubbing against her clit as he ruts into her, helping her milk her high for everything it’s worth. Once it becomes too much, she pushes his hand away from her clit and peers up at him with a pout on her face.

“Will you cum inside me, daddy?” she begs, grabbing his shoulders and crossing her ankles behind his back to keep him close. “Please? Wanna feel full.”

“Yeah?” he breathes as she buries her hands in his sweaty curls. “Want daddy to fill you up? Fuck, you wanna feel me here?” he asks as he places his hand on her lower stomach and presses down lightly.

She nods, whining a repeated string of “yes” as he thrusts into her one, two, three more times before burying himself as far as he can and dropping his head to her neck, groaning as he releases inside of her, thick ropes of his cum painting her walls white. She whimpers at the feeling, loving the way that she feels so full of him. 

He sponges kisses to her pulse as they catch their breaths. “I love you so fucking much,” he breathes into her neck. 

“I love you, too,” she reciprocates.

He basks in the feeling of her snug around him for just a second longer before he gently pulls out. Both of them hiss at the loss of contact, but Harry’s quickly turns to a groan as he watches his cum drip from her. 

“You’re so messy, puppy,” he teases before leaving the room to retrieve a washcloth from the bathroom. While he’s gone, she lets herself relax on the bed as the exhaustion washes over her. 

“Don’t fall asleep on me yet, baby,” he coos as he saunters back in with a warm rag. “Gotta clean you up before we go take a bath.”

He gently runs the cloth over her thighs before gently wiping through her folds. She hisses when he runs over her sensitive clit, and he automatically apologizes before pressing a light kiss to her thigh.

Standing back up, he takes his hand in hers and tugs her from the bed. 

“Come on, baby, I know I fucked you so good that your legs are sore, but I need you to walk to the bathroom with me,” he taunts as she rolls her eyes. “On a serious note, though,” he begins as they’re walking towards the bathroom, “I’m glad you like my pearls so much.”

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah, can’t wait to have you suck on them while I fuck you again,” he states nonchalantly as he leans over to turn on the water. When he looks over his shoulder and smirks, her breath hitches as she thinks about all the ways he’s going to absolutely ravage her later. 

*

[once-upon-a-oneshot]

Game Over

Based On: “When You Sleep” by Mary Lambert

Summary: Frat!Harry only wants you when he’s drunk, and you’ve finally had enough

Warnings: swearing

Word Count: 1.8K

Here I was for the third time this week pulling up to a frat party in the middle of the night. I didn’t want to be here, but, just like all the other times he had too much to drink, he needed me. Usually it takes a great amount of pushing past drunk underaged college kids to find him at these things. But this time, as soon as I reached the yard of the house, dimly lit by an array of neon party lights, I spotted a mop of curly brown hair, hunched over a bush.

“Yo! Harry dude! I thought we agreed no more puking in our bushes?!” Some frat guy was yelling at him from the porch. Harry’s only response was to flip the guy off and grin while using the bush to hold him up. “Finally! Your baby sitter’s here” The guy half-joked noticing my arrival.

Harry turned around to face me a little too fast, and he stumbled forward nearly falling. I tried my best to support him but there was no chance. I by no means would consider myself “small” or “petite”, but compared to Harry’s 6-foot, broad shouldered stature, he was too large.

“Hey! What’re ya doing hur?” Harry drunkenly slurred semi-regaining his balance.

“Haz, you called me, remember?” Normally I would’ve been embarrassed calling him anything but his name. But I’ve done this enough times to know, in the morning, he won’t remember any of the words exchanged tonight.

It took nearly an hour to get Harry back to my dorm room. Our new personal best. It’s not that I live far from the frat house, it’s more the process of getting Harry here. The trip usually goes something like, helping Harry stumble to the car, pulling over at every traffic light so Harry can throw up, finally making it to his apartment (which is past my own apartment), Harry begging me to help him to his front door, Harry realizing he “forgot” his keys, Harry asking if he can just crash at my place instead, me driving Harry back to my apartment, helping Harry stumble into my dorm.

It took about the third time of this routine being repeated for me to realize the coincidence of Harry forgetting his keys every time he went out, got shit faced, and called me to come pick him up, wasn’t so much a coincidence. And even though it was the same thing every time, I never skipped the step of driving to his apartment, because I knew it meant he’d have to verbally ask me if he could stay with me. And in some sick way, I got off to hearing his lips form those words. It was something so small, but something that meant so much to me. And he knew that. Drunk or not. I knew what the morning would bring, but for the night, I’d listen to Harry’s slow, peaceful breathing as he slept.

The next morning, I woke up to the sound of Harry attempting to tip-toe around, collecting his things before I’d wake up. And just like every other morning, I lay perfectly still, letting silent tears hit the pillow, while I listen to the boy I love try to pretend he was never here.

LATER ON CAMPUS

“Hey (Y/N), what did I miss in class today?” I swiveled around in the library chair to face the person who was speaking to me.

Before even facing him, I recognized the voice as a kid from my Biology class, who also happened to be from my hometown. We weren’t necessarily friends, but we engaged in small talk every once in a while. Although I knew who it was before I turned around, I didn’t expect Harry to be standing there with him.

“Oh, uh, not too much.” I focused as hard as I could on my classmate to keep from looking over at Harry. I could feel his eyes burning into me, but I was too embarrassed to look at him. “I can send them to you if you want.”

“Sick! Can you email them to me right now, so I can print them right quick?” I wanted badly to make up some excuse for why I just had to leave and send the notes later, so I could get far far away from Harry. But when I opened my mouth, “Sure” is all that came out.

The guy sat at the computer across from me, and Harry sat down next to him. I fixed my eyes on the computer screen and tried to steady my shaky hands enough to hurriedly send the notes. All the while Harry continued to stare.

As soon as the notes were sent, I logged off the computer and packed up my things. In order to get out of the library I had to pass Harry and the guy, and it was just my luck that the guy had gotten up to go print. As I passed Harry, he grabbed my wrist stopping me. I finally looked into his green eyes, but he didn’t say anything, he just continued to stare like he had already been doing.

“What?” I asked getting uncomfortable with the intensity he was looking at me with. He just shrugged in response.

Once Harry noticed his friend walking back to the computer, he quickly released my wrist, and turned around, as if nothing had ever happened.

Things have been this way with Harry since I met him. Since the day I became his. He knew I had a crush on him, and it gave him some sort of ego trip. Even though he knew I already wanted him, he wanted to make sure it would stay that way. So, whenever he felt like I wasn’t paying him enough attention, or he thought my yearning for him was slipping away, he’d throw me a bone to keep me begging. Initially I made the mistake of thinking this meant that by some chance, he wanted me the same way, but he proved time and time again (through his actions and his words), this wasn’t the case.

And after months of taking whatever treatment Harry would give me. I finally snapped. It happened one night at a party. I was drinking, and I didn’t know he’d be there. I spent the night avoiding him. I was afraid of what drunk me may say or do once I got around him. When he entered a room, suddenly I had somewhere else to be. When he needed another drink from the kitchen, suddenly I wasn’t thirsty anymore. When he wanted to join on the beer pong table, suddenly I was bored of the game. And Harry noticed.

I was on the second floor of the house on my own, exhausted from dodging Harry all night. I leaned my back against the wall of the hall after the stairs reminded me just how buzzed I really was. I guess Harry spotted me heading up stairs because I heard footsteps on the stairs, before he appeared at the top of them. Without saying anything, Harry glanced over his shoulder, before walking and standing directly in front of me. He put an arm up on either side of my head, trapping me between him and the wall.

“I didn’t know you were gonna be here.” he said too casually for our position. “Are you mad at me or something?” This took me by surprise.

“What?”

“You’ve been ignoring me all night.” Again, his tone was way too casual for the things he was saying. But honestly, that’s always how Harry played it.

“You mean living my life? Enjoying the party? Not worshiping the ground you walk on?” Harry’s only response was a smirk. That’s when I started getting angry. “Look I’m too drunk to even be having this conversation with you right now Haz, so can we ju-“

“What’d you just call me?” Harry questioned raising an eyebrow at me. I froze. I was so drunk and emotional that I had accidentally let it slip. But upon processing the look on Harry’s face as something almost resembling distain, my embarrassment turned to pure anger.

“What do you want from me Harry?!” anger was thick in my voice as I pushed him backwards further from me.

“What are you talki-“

“No. Don’t you dare do that! Don’t act like you’re clueless. Like-like you haven’t been playing games with me since we met!” He said nothing. Instead he just stood staring at me. An emotionless expression painted across that beautiful face.

I wanted to stay angry. I wanted the fire burning inside of me to push me to finally walking away from this toxic man. But seeing that there was truly nothing there, the anger fizzled out to simple exhaustion.

“Look, we both know you know how I feel about you. And we both know you don’t feel the same way. But you play with my head. You flirt with me just long enough to wrap me around your finger. And then silence. Just like I never existed. That is until your hold on me starts unraveling again. It’s just some big twisted game for you. It’s like when you can’t have my attention, you suddenly want it.”

“It’s no-“

“I’m not done. For once in the history of whatever the fuck this thing with us is, it’s my turn to talk, and your turn to just listen. And I want you to listen good, because this is the only time I’m ever going to say.” I waited for some sign from Harry to let me know he was really paying attention.

He nodded so I continued.

“I can’t keep being a pawn in your torturous game Harry. It’s not fair to me. You’re breaking me apart and you don’t even care. The thing that hurts the most Harry,” I fought the tears for as long as I could, but the alcohol made it nearly impossible “is the fact that I know I could make you so happy. I would do everything in my power to give you the world. Hell, I basically already do. But you’re so blinded by “not wanting to be with me” that you don’t even realize how good I am for you. How good I am to you. If you stop telling yourself you’re not allowed to love me, I guarantee I’d make you fall. But if that’s not what you want. If you really, truly don’t even want to give me a chance, I’m done. I’ll have to walk away before you finish draining what little of me, I have left. And if that’s what it comes to, I’m begging you, please just let me go. No more games.”

Harry just stood and, like he so often did, stared. Blank. I felt like I was frozen in that moment and all the air had been sucked from the room. Unfortunately, I could feel myself began to sober up as I stood in anticipation of Harry’s response. I wished like hell I was still drunk, because maybe it would’ve hurt less when Harry finally spoke.

“I’m sorry,” he began backing away back towards the stairs. “I’ll leave you alone.” And with that he spun on his heels and trotted back down to the party.

[bubblegumfanfictions]

Falling in Love again.

Fandom- Bleach

Ships- Kisuke Urahara x Reader

Warnings- Some language, Implied Sexual Assault, Past sexual Assault.

Summary- Imagine a tally mark appearing on your skin every time you fall in love. When your tally mark is Red then it's onesided, Black then the love is returned. If it is scarred then your love ended traumatically.

You have a scarred tally mark and a red tally mark, the red one being for Kisuke Urahara.

Word Count- 3,928

You led in bed staring down at your wrist where a single red tally mark decorated your skin. In this world, a tally mark showed your love. People who fell in love easily were littered with marks, whereas the people who were only in love with one person would have one. If the mark is red it's unrequited, if it was Black then the person you love returns your feelings.

Your singular red mark was for Kisuke Urahara, a friend of your friends. You went to his shop with your friends whenever they needed something from him seeing as that seemed to be your only excuse to see him. You didn't want to come across as weird for visiting on your own. Especially when you have no real powers like the others.

Annoyingly you had one other mark on your arm, a scarred tally mark, one from your ex. In this world a scarred tally would mean that your love for them ended very abruptly and traumatically. No one knew about that tally, you were very good at keeping it hidden, whether it was with a well placed bracelet or a long sleeved shirt.

Rolling onto your side you let out a huff. It hurts, it shouldn't but it does. Knowing that the one man you love doesn't feel the same way. You barely get to see him since your friends don't visit that often. But you'll take whatever time you can with him even if you don't get to talk.

Well, only time will tell.

---

"Y/N!!!" A fist slammed against the door multiple times as Ichigo's voice yelled your name. "C'mon man! We've gotta get to Hat 'n' Clogs!" Sleepily, you raised your head taking a glance out of your open window.

"Wh-what for?" The early morning rasp in your voice made it a note or so deeper than it actually was. You stretched out and hopped out of bed throwing on the nearest clothing you had, which happened to be a (f/c) long knit sweater, a pair of black leggings and some brown boots.

"Y/N! We haven't got all day, move your ass!" You shook your head and ran out of the house not brushing your hair, figuring you could comb it down with your fingers on the way there.

By the time you got there you realised there was no point fixing your hair until you got inside in the first place. It was so windy outside that your hair just kept blowing around which made it worse than before. "Hey, come in guys." You froze for a moment as heat rushed to your face, you brushed a small amount of hair over your face, hoping he didn't notice it.

Quickly yet quietly you walked into the shop following behind Ichigo whilst you brushed down your hair. Kisuke stopped you briefly "You missed a spot." and with nimble hands, he began to flatten down your hair. "There, done." He gave you his signature grin, placing a hand onto the small of your back leading you to the rest.

Once Kisuke leads you to your friends he then gets down to business. “So, I am assuming you guys are here for the training grounds, right?” The ginger he questioned nods his head. You didn’t have any special abilities at all, but your friends knew you were great moral support and a generally good person so they let you in on their secret.

Most of the time you find days like this one quite boring, sure you’d get to see Kisuke but you usually have nothing to do. On some days you would help Tessai, Jinta and Ururu with their work or well, in Jinta and Ururu’s case, you would do their work for them.

When your friends finish training and all head home Kisuke typically gives you something for your time. At first he would give you the equivalent of minimum wage for the amount of work you do but recently (due to finding out your love for (favourite collectable)) he would end up getting you those instead.

The boys and Orihime go down into the training room, leaving you upstairs in the shop with Kisuke. “So, um… Is there anything you need me to do today?” you asked in your typically meek voice. Being with Kisuke made you so nervous you could barely talk, so being able to say that was a blessing.

Kisuke tilted his hat back with his thumb as he thought about things you could do around the shop. “Not that I can think of, for once Jinta and Ururu did the work I assigned for them.” You fake gasped at his comment. They finished their work… Early?

“No way, Jinta and Ururu finished their work? Damn that never happens.” Kisuke laughed at your comment and squeezed your shoulder. Yeah, when you did hang out with Kisuke alone you did have a lot of fun, but you still don’t like to intrude if you don’t have a reason to.

“Tell me about it.”

“Well what am I meant to do then?!” You dramatically waved your arms in the air in exasperation. When you did so Kisuke caught sight of the two tally marks and promptly grabbed your wrist.

“A Scar and a Red tally mark. I’m sure those are both fun stories.” He lightly massaged the scarred tally on your wrist making you flinch. He looked up at you in concern, dropping your arm. “Sorry.”

“It is fine, I’m just- No one has ever seen that before, as you can imagine I’m not particularly keen on anyone seeing that one..” You explain, rubbing the scar to try and ease some of the emotional turmoil.

“Does anyone know? Ichigo? Orihime? Chad?” He listed off some of your friends and to each one you shook your head. No one knew this, and you were planning on keeping it a secret from everyone, not even Kisuke was meant to know. “Would you mind telling me?” You shook your head once more. You didn’t even want to remember the scar, much less the asshole who caused it.

Kisuke rubbed your shoulder, trying to soothe your pain with a small smile on his face. "It's fine, you don't have to talk about it. But if you ever need to, I'll be happy to listen." Tears start to pool in your eyes, you've never spoken about it to anyone outside of your family, maybe it would be good. But not now.

You gave Kisuke a tight hug, the tears in your eyes spilling out. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." You kept repeating over and over into his chest. Kisuke was shocked at first but wrapped his arms around you, rubbing his fingertips up and down your spine to calm you down, his cheek pressed into your hair.

Both of you stayed that way for a while until you finally calmed down, letting go of the tall, green clad man. "I'm sorry about that- I should probably head home." You scrubbed at your eyes with the sleeve of your jumper with an appreciative smile on your face.

"Hey, it is fine." Kisuke messed up your hair with one of his hands. "It is nothing to worry about, just know that I am here if you need to talk. Just because you don't have powers doesn't mean you can't come here whenever you want to." He cups your face in his hands with a grin "YOU are an absolute pleasure to have here, okay?" You nodded your head, still too upset to really speak properly. "Good."

Kisuke walks you to the door once you calmed down enough and saw you out. "Hope to see you here soon, Y/N." You nodded your head.

"That will probably be when they come here again." You smiled at him, waving your hand as you walked home.

------- Timeskip to a week later. -------

You walk home from the shops as you keep looking down at the shopping list, making sure that you have everything. Your mother had asked you to go down because she forgot some ingredients she needed. It was getting a little dark and it was kind of scary being by yourself, but at the same time you did enjoy the peace and quiet.

"Ohhh, Look who it is." Your face paled, you knew that voice anywhere, he was the reason for the scar. "Why do you look so scared, don't you remember the fun we had together?" You bit your lower lip harshly, weighing out your options. Urahara's shop wasn't that far away so you could make a break for it, but you knew he was a fast runner.

With a groan you made your choice and dashed to the shop. "Oi! Get back here you stupid cunt!" Of course, you could hear the sound of heavy footfalls hitting the asphalt behind you, this was inevitable. But if you got close enough to the shop you knew that you'd be able to at least get someone's attention, whether it was Jinta, Ururu, Kisuke or Tessai.

"Oh, Y/n I knew you enjoyed our time together, you remembered how much I enjoyed the struggle. Although you were so much more compliant when you slept." You stopped dead in your tracks, you hated him, you hated thinking about him... About the things he has done and the fact that you loved him once. He laughed at your stop, you were almost right outside of the shop by this point, but that didn't matter.

"Do you finally agree with me Y/n? Do you finally see that it is all you're good for?" You were trembling by this point, not from fear, oh no; from pure hatred. You dropped the bag you were holding in your dominant hand and with a quick turn you put all of your anger into your movements and punched him in the face, knocking him to the floor.

Your body, however, was still shaking. You wanted to hurt him, you wanted to hurt him bad. How was it fair that he got out of the relationship with nothing yet you with a heart full of anxiety and fear. You readied yourself to hit him again with the fist that already had blood on it since you broke his nose when you heard a voice call out to you.

"Y/n? Y/n? Are you okay?" Your head turned towards the store, and stood in the doorway was none other than Kisuke Urahara. You didn't even look down at him. You sprinted as fast as you could to Kisuke, pushing him inside of the building before sliding the door shut.

You led your back against the door as you slid down it, landing yourself on the floor. Your eyes were wide, frightened- Kisuke has never seen you with that expression, you looked terrified. Knowing something was up, he locked the store up and left the room, coming back with a warm cup of tea, sitting next to you.

He handed you the cup and spoke with a quiet voice, trying not to scare you. "What was all that about? Are you okay?" You shook your head, keeping your face directed towards the cup in your hands, which were still trembling. "Did you want to talk about it once you're calmed down?" You nodded your head, Kisuke was silent for a few seconds, as if contemplating whether or not he should say anything. "Did you want a hug?" You nodded again.

Kisuke wasted no time wrapping his left arm around you to pull you into his side, he used his thumb to rub little circles into your side as his head rested on top of yours. "It'll be okay, Y/n. You'll be okay, just breathe. Whatever happened won't happen anymore, you're safe here." He kept whispering to you.

Eventually, you finished the drink he made you and hugged him back. His face was now completely in your hair as he kissed the top of your head. "Are you feeling any better?"

"Y-yeah, thank you..." You stuttered out, tired from what had just occurred.

"Good, if you want I can run you a bath and get you some fresh clothes. You can stay the night if you don't feel safe to head back, okay?" You nodded your head, but then you remembered your mother. As if reading your thoughts, Kisuke spoke up again. "I'll phone your mum while you're in the bath and fill her in, how does that sound?"

"That sounds good, thank you Kisuke." He rubbed your head and stood up, offering you his hand.

After your bath you had calmed down considerably, no longer shaking and being able to speak. Kisuke left some of his clothes folded up in the bathroom for you to change into (which you did). You sat on Kisuke's bed cross legged, trying to comprehend what happened today when there was a knock at the door. "Come in."

Kisuke walks into the room with your phone in his hand. "So I spoke to your mother, she said you could stay here for the night and that I should walk you home at some point tomorrow, or whenever depending on how long you want to stay." He sits next to you and continues. "She also told me who that guy was. Nothing about what happened, she just said that he is the scum of the earth."

You laughed "Yeah, that sounds about right. Due to what happened I don't ever call him my ex. Whenever anyone mentions him we just call him twat." Of course, Kisuke was very confused as to what happened but he already asked a few times so he didn't want to push it, but the look on his face told you everything. "I'll tell you what happened."

"You don't have to." He protested quickly, not knowing if it would upset you to talk about it.

"It is fine, I just have one condition. This is a very touchy subject for me so I was wondering if you could um--- how do I put this?" Kisuke chuckled, knowing what you meant, sitting back with you on his bed, pulling you into his side, much like when you were against the door.

"Take your time."

You took a deep breath and began. "He was my first boyfriend, if I can call him that. He was controlling, manipulative and abusive in more ways than one. He didn't let me talk about any guys, if I played a game wrong he would stop me from playing it. If he was horny I'd have to do something about it and so on... Well anyway, it got to the point where I-- I didn't want to do anything like that. He said he was fine with it... But-" Your breathing got heavier the further into explaining, tears began to form and fall from your eyes. You hated remembering this, but you were hoping that maybe this would be good in the long run.

"Hey, look at me." You hear Kisuke say gently as he turns your face to him. "I know it may not mean or do much but you're safe here, nothing is going to happen to you, I'll look after you, okay? There is no need to worry while you're here, but I do understand why you are." He rubs your head affectionately, hugging you tighter. "Like I said, take your time."

You relished in that hug and composed yourself before continuing. "He said he was fine with it, but one night I woke up and his hand was somewhere it shouldn't have been and his other hand was--- y-yeah. He was with me for a while after that since I was too scared to break up with him. Then I met someone I really liked who was so nice to me, and I realised that I didn't want to be stuck with someone like him."

Kisuke made a noise of understanding. "So that is the red mark then, it is hard to believe that someone would be so thankful for a red mark."

"Yeah, I know. But I really am, and I'm thankful for the help from him too." You smiled, running your finger delicately along the red tally mark.

"Doesn't the red tally mark hurt though? That the person who saved you from that twat doesn't feel the same?" He asked, and yeah it was painful.

"Yeah, it is really painful. But I always think to myself I would rather have this red tally mark and be friends with him than have none at all and still be with twat. Anything is better than that even if it is not reciprocated love." You shrugged your shoulders trying to come across as nonchalant when all you wanted to do was tell Kisuke that the mark was him, but you decided against it. You let out a yawn that caught Kisuke's attention.

"I should probably let you sleep then." He gets up from his spot and you huddle under the covers. Kisuke grins at the sight, fixing the blankets over you and kissing your forehead. "Today has been a rough day so if you need anything just shout, okay? Even if you think it is dumb." Despite everything that happened you slept well that night.

----Time skip 3 days----

"Y/n! Let's go! Hat n Clogs is waiting!" Ichigo yelled up to your window, pulling you from your sleep. You rush to get dressed, throwing a jumper on with leggings like before and you ran from the house.

You opened the door and outside waiting for you was Ichigo and the gang. "Well? Come on!" With that you all went back to Kisuke's shop. Over the 3 days you and Kisuke got closer, he'd constantly phone your mother to check up on you. (since he phoned your mum before and not you so he knew her number) It bugged her so much that she gave you Kisuke's number so she wouldn't be bothered anymore, which was sweet.

Everyone walked into the shop and greeted Kisuke. "Ah, Y/n!" He wrapped his arm around your shoulder playfully, a smile playing across his lips. "Everything okay?" You could see his eyes from the angle so you knew what he meant and you smiled back at him.

"Yeah, I'm okay." He let go of you and began talking to the others about Gigai upgrades. As you tidied around the shop you heard the bell chime indicating someone had come in, you looked up and that someone was twat. Your eyes went wide as you dropped the broom you were holding, alerting the others.

Kisuke's carefree smile and attitude completely dropped when he saw who was there. He grabbed your shoulders, pushing you towards your friends, they noticed something was up there and they stood in front of you. "Get out." He shakes his head, walking around the store as he was being stared at by everyone. "I said get out."

Twat laughed, "I'm a customer here, you can't tell me to get out, I want to buy something." Kisuke got closer to Twat, who was starting to clearly become intimidated by your friends.

"I have the right to refuse people. Customers are typically human, and sadly you don't qualify for one of those, so get the fuck out of my shop." With each sentence Kisuke got closer to him until eventually he got so intimidated and fled. Kisuke locked the shop door and ran over to you, avoiding the strange looks from the others.

"Are you okay?" You appear to be in a state of shock, you feel like you can barely move or speak, you just stood there, trembling. Kisuke continues to ignore the others as he wraps his arms around you, holding you close. "I am going to tell them if that is alright, just make any sound for a yes, okay?" He heard a small sound come from you so he begins to explain to your friends what happened.

-------

By the end of the explanation you came back to reality, since you weren't paying attention to anything other than Kisuke's arms around you, you were able to pull through pretty quick. Your friends all looked really mad at him for everything he did and thanked Kisuke profusely for helping you out through this. After a while, the others finally leave, giving you a hug and giving you a word of advice, they even offered to teach you how to fight which you decided to take up.

You sat with Kisuke in his room as you usually do after something like that happens. You were talking about nothing in particular when Kisuke stopped you. "Um- Y/n, that person- they return your feelings." You laughed

"No they don't, the proof is in the pu---" You lift your sleeve to show the proof when you noticed that he was right. The telly mark was Black now. You stare at the mark in utter shock. "I- What?" Your eyebrows furrowed together. "That is impossible, why would he like me?" Kisuke smiles at you, messing up your hair like he normally does.

"Probably because you're a fantastic p-" He stops dead in his tracks when he stops a completely new mark on his arm, the arm that was totally clean, in all of his years of living he has never fallen in love. You look up and wonder why he went quiet when you notice him staring at his arm, he must have realised who that tally mark is for. "That-" He gestures towards your mark. "That is for me, isn't it?"

You flush, you never thought you'd end up in a situation like this one. "Y-yeah it is." You bite your lip in worry, you knew he liked you as well, I mean you could literally see it, but that doesn't mean that he would want to be with you. Kisuke smiled softly at you as he ran his fingers through your hair.

"I always thought you were pretty, and I knew that I would absolutely fall for you, I could feel it. So I'm honestly glad it is returned. But um- We don't have to be in a relationship yet if you don't think you're ready for one." Kisuke was the sweetest and that is why, without a doubt in your mind, you knew that you were ready.

"I am ready, I've wanted to be with you for a long time now, I love you Kisuke." You blushed heavily. You think those words often enough but you didn't think you'd ever say them out loud to him.

"Since we have that sorted- can I kiss you?" Kisuke asked, his thumb running across your jaw, your skin tingling from his touch.

"Yeah, you can." His thumb moved, holding on lightly to your chin to pull you close. You were a hair's width away from kissing but he stayed there for a few moments with a look in his eyes that said 'You can still back off if you want to' but you didn't. He took your stillness as an invitation to continue and planted a soft kiss to your lips, his hands moved to cup your cheeks while your own remove his hat so they could rest in his hair. After a few moments of his soft kiss Kisuke pulled back, only to kiss you one more time.

"I love you too, Y/n. I'll make sure nothing bad will ever happen to you again."

[captainstiddies]

Little One ; Lawyer! Levi Ackerman x Fem!Reader

a/n: this is my first time in like years posting smut so be gentle lol, but massive thank you to @illumisbundles for being my test dummy and helping with the title and everything love u!!

universe: modern, lawyer! Levi

pairing: Levi Ackerman x fem!reader

warnings: SMUT MINORS DON'T INTERACT LIKE AT ALL, jealous!Levi, edging, dacryphilia, slight overstim, daddy kink, dom!Levi

Levi was always incredibly formal, always a firm handshake and a cordial nod at these types of events. He always had a firm hand on your back leading you through the crowds of people at the annual gala. He was already so stand-offish on the day to day but having to be surrounded by every single one of his rich clients whose only problem was picking which summer home to visit this year was headache-inducing. Having you by his side, however, made it so much more manageable. The way you could navigate any conversation with a graceful smile while always finding a quick way out, made these events much more pleasing for the lawyer.

He tapped your back twice signalling silently that he was going to get a refill on drinks and you nodded pressing a kiss against his temple as he walked towards the bar. Leaving you standing at a small table by yourself, it wasn't long until one of his interns had approached you sparking up a lively conversation. At first, it wasn't a big deal you learned his name was Eren Yaeger and it was his first gala and he at first just seemed nervous until you could tell he started leaning in a little closer, complimenting your 'form'. And when you met eyes with your boyfriend across the room you could see him seething.

Even with how logical Levi was he couldn't help how jealous he became whenever he saw someone flirting with you. Especially when they were almost a good foot taller than him and still taller than you in your heels. He stalked back towards you and by the time Eren even noticed you weren't interested Levi was beside you again this time his hand was gripping your waist, bunching the fabric of your dress. "Yaeger, don't you have better things to do than annoy her?" His stern voice could've made Eren shit in his pants if he hadn't rented the tux, so he almost ran away from the table.

Turning towards Levi you went to speak but instead, you were met with that look in his eyes that already had heat pooling between your legs. "Downstairs, get the car I'll be down in five minutes." With that, he kisses your cheek walking to Erwin to make some excuse that you both have to leave, and without a second thought, you gather your coat and clutch and head towards the elevator.

Your crossed legs bounced as you waited in the backseat of the car, the driver simply smoking as he leant against the wall. You on the other hand couldn't seem to relax knowing exactly what punishment you were going to be given. When the driver swung open his door you jolted upright and less than a second later Levi slid into the seat beside you adjusting his jacket and tapping on the divider signalling to the chauffer to leave. For most of the ride Levi's silent, his hand placed firmly on your thigh squeezing just enough to remind you what you were in for when you got home.

The minute Levi let you into your condo he pulled you into a searing kiss, his hands gripping your hair before he pushes you against the wall. "Levi..." His glare silences you before you can continue before picking you up by your thighs, instinctively causing your legs to wrap around his waist. Levi's lips attach to the soft skin of your neck, sucking and biting harshly intent on leaving marks in his wake. He carried you to your bedroom before letting you fall onto the sheets and Levi had to admit he loved seeing you like this, dress up over your hips, lipstick smudged across your mouth, your heaving chest showcasing the already developing array of reds and purples marks along your neck.

His hands came to run along the skin of your thighs as he sighed. "Oh angel, do you know how much Yaeger truly angers me? He acts like everything belongs to him, and you played right into that didn't ya?" His eyebrow cocked as he looked down at you but all you could focus on was the feeling of his index finger ghosting over your clothed pussy. "Answer me." His command is followed by a swift slap to the outside of your thigh, watching as the skin jiggled. "No! No, I swear Daddy." He tsked at your pathetic plea before finally rubbing against your clit through your panties eliciting a moan to fall from your lips. "Little one, don't lie, I know exactly what you did, you showed him just how low cut that dress was, you let him think he could have you but no. You're mine." Pushing your panties to the side he slid his fingers into your already slick core, curling against the spongey spot inside of you. Setting an intense pace he leaned over you.

"Say it, don't make me ask twice angel." Levi's hot breath against your ear sent a shiver down your spine. "I'm yours, all yours, please I'm all yours-Please." You begged a hand going to his shoulder to steady yourself as the heel of his hand hit against your clit eliciting a lewd moan to leave your lips. Levi snickered as he lowered to his knees. "Use your words little one." He knew you like the back of his hand he knew from the minute he entered the car he knew he had you all riled up the way each time he squeezed your thigh a little harder and you would jump. Now even with his fingers knuckle deep inside you he could read you like a book the way you rolled your hips at each curl of his fingers or the shiver and whine that came from him blowing cool air against your skin.

"I want your mouth, hnn Daddy please i-I'll be good I promise." Your voice hitched as he pulled his fingers from inside you, a whine leaving you as Levi hooked his fingers into the band of your panties pulling them down and throwing them over his shoulder the smirk never left his lips nor did his eyes ever leave yours as he lowered his mouth to your now soaked pussy. He blew cold air against your clit causing you to jolt and whine out for him a hand going to his hair before Levi grabbed your wrist. "Hands above your head angel, one-touch and you won't cum for the rest of the fucking week." You did what you were told and when he was satisfied he sucked your clit into his mouth causing a loud moan to leave your lips gripping tightly at the sheets above your head, back arching as he continued his assault on your clit.

Levi slid his fingers back into your aching core curling up against your g-spot. You were getting close and he could tell from the way you clenched around his fingers at each thrust and from how desperately you were clinging onto the sheets trying to be his good girl."'M so close daddy- Fuck! So close so fucking close, please!" Sadly, your cries fell on deaf ears as you felt the knot tighten in your stomach until Levi pulled away completely. "Bad girls don't get to cum."

Levi continued his attack on your pussy bring you to the edge over and over again until you were crying for him to just fuck you. You were a blubbering mess when he finally rose from his knees, from where he was standing he towered over you, was able to look over your naked form. The dress had been discarded almost ten minutes ago your body was twitching and shaking from the sheer amount of times your orgasm had been ruined. Levi wiped your slick from his chin as he watched you pant. Your eyes glazed over with tears as he undid his belt and pulled his pants and boxers off. Levi slowly worked his hand along his cock, precum already slowly spilling from the swollen tip. Grabbing you from beneath your knees he pushed your legs against your chest, exposing your spasming pussy to him.

He pushed himself into your tight walls, a low groan came from his chest as he bottomed out. "Still so fucking tight angel, so fucking perfect." He started his pace slow and deep rolling his hips against yours every time, hitting your cervix with each roll. It didn't take long for that knot to tighten again inside you, Levi's lips met yours in a bruising kiss, you could still taste yourself on his tongue causing an almost pornographic moan to leave you. The second his free hand came to your clit rubbing hard and fast circles your hands flew to his shoulders. "Please, oh god! Please 'm gonna cum!" This time however he didn't pull away instead he moved his lips to your shoulder biting against the soft skin. A scream ripped through you as the white-hot of your orgasm moved through your body.

Watching you come undone just drove Levi crazy, his thrusts turned erratic as he came closer and closer to his own edge his fingers never stopping as he made you jolt from the overstimulation "No, no daddy, I can't." Your cries were masked by the absolutely lewd sounds coming from your pussy as Levi pistoned into you. "You've been begging to-fuck cum for an hour angel, Jesus Christ can't take another one?" his head fell forward resting his forehead against yours as he pressed further against your legs with his chest his free hand came to your neck squeezing it as he watched you cry from pleasure, the orgasm almost catching you by surprise. You clawed at his back as wave after wave of pleasure washed over you.

Levi snapped his hips into you one more time as he let out a low groan quickly followed by thick hot spurts of cum. Pulling out he watched as a mixture of yours and his cum dripped from your fluttering and gaping hole. He was tempted to finger it back into you, maybe if you got pregnant no one would ever act as if you were free to be picked up like a common whore. His eyes scanned up your body and landed on your tear-streaked face. "Little one, look at me... c'mon open those pretty eyes." He cupped your cheek, thumb brushing against the damp skin of your cheekbone. Slowly you opened your eyes a hand coming to rest on his. "There's my pretty girl." He cooed softly as he kissed your forehead. Standing up he went to the ensuite damping a towel for your face and another to clean you up. Pulling on a clean pair of boxers he sat beside you running the cool cloth against your skin cleaning you as best he could until your shower in the morning.

Once you were situated under the covers he pulled you into his side, pressing soft kisses along your hairline, rubbing gentle circles along your spine. "You were so good for me little one, I love you so much don't forget it ever, please." His voice was soft as he whispered against your skin. Sleepily you nodded, your body was still sore and would probably be tenfold in the morning. "Levi...I love you too, 'm not gonna leave you for some stupid intern, you know that right?" It was his turn to nod, reaching over to turn off the table lamp. "I know angel, sleep now. You need to rest."

[strawberryspence]

when death knocks on your door

Angst/Fluff [18+] | Spencer Reid x FEM! BAU! Reader

Summary: Some trauma tears people apart, while some brings people together. SSA Doctor Spencer Reid and SSA Doctor Y/N Y/L/N is brought together by the death of SSA Emily Prentiss.

Word Count: 3,13k 

Warnings: based on the Ian Doyle/Emily Prentiss character arc so some spoilers for s6-s7. talks about death (a lot of it), mention of drug use, allusions to depression, attempted suicide (nothing graphic), mention of cancer & car crash, a few curse words, description of smut, its very vague (one part only), mentions of therapy, HAPPY ENDING (i am not a monster)

Writer's Note: Hello! A bit of a heavier topic on today's fic! I picked apart the whole Emily arc and this is written basically in the reader's perspective. I love writing angst but I can never end it with sad endings. So I hope you enjoy this, I am very proud of how it turned out! 💛

GIF is made by yours truly. Its surprisingly hard to find "purple shirt + sweater vest spencer reid" gifs.

Death.

Death.

Death comes in different shapes and forms.

For Spencer, he has seen it up close with Haley and Hotch, but never with someone in his family or close group of friends. He sees death in the form of abandonment, in ways when people leave him and a part of him goes with them.

For you, you were familiar with death. Death looms over you. You’re father dying when you were younger and then you’re mother in your teens. 

Death comes when your father was killed in a car accident involving a drunk driver. It was fast, in a blink, death sweeps him and takes him. All her father’s life and dreams gone in a second, with a crash.

Death comes when your mother was diagnosed with cancer. Cancer, the fucking bitch, takes her time. It was slow, like it was enjoying the pain. It takes and it takes till its taken everything and the last thing it has taken is your mother.

And death comes when it takes Emily Prentiss. This was your best friend, partner in crime and roommate. Her death wasn’t fast, it wasn’t slow, its painstakingly in the middle while you try to get her blood off your hands while sobbing in the SUV as Derek drives way past the legal speed to get to the hospital.

In her death, you find yourself being swallowed by something that you were not. Something bigger, something you can’t describe. The team sees this weeks after she has been buried. You were the same person, and you were a different person, all at once.

One night, when death was about to knock on your door as you hold a knife to your wrist, ready to meet Death, ready to tell him off, it is then when chance knocks on your apartment door.

Spencer is at your door, a sobbing mess with three bottles of dilaudid clenched in his hands. He stumbles in your new apartment avoiding the piles of boxes unopened. You just moved, not being able to sleep in the apartment you and Emily shared.

“I am sorry. I-I am sorry, Y/N. I didn’t know where to go. JJ was... busy and I am so close... so close.” Your heart softens at how desperate he looks, Spencer doesn’t know how strong he is to you, being able to ask for help when you were just about to end it all.

You take the bottles from him, setting it on the counter as you guide him to your couch. He clings to you as you both sit on the couch, crying and sobbing.

“Death is among us. Avoiding him is what makes us stronger." You whisper to him and he cries harder.

Something is so bitterly comforting when someone shares the same pain you are suffering. It hurts, but in a funny way, it hurts less when some shares it with you.

So you cling to Spencer as he does to you and you let it all go. You cry as much as he does as he holds you and as you hold him.

You both wake up the next day, with a full 8 hours of sleep, something you both have not had in weeks.

“Thank you.” Spencer whispers and you smile, stroking his hair, “Thank you.” You say it back at him.

You were sure that Emily is laughing at her grave. I had to die for you to finally make a move on your crush. You shake her voice off your head. Now is not the time for silly crushes.

It becomes a routine, finding comfort and safety in each others presence, Spencer almost lives in your apartment. His toothbrush sits on the cup besides yours in the bathroom counter, his clothes takes up half of your closet, his books scattered on the shelfs and his cups on the kitchen counter.

You tell yourself its platonic. Spencer tells himself its platonic. The team doesn’t say anything, only thankful that you were reverting back to your old self and Spencer is getting better.

You want more. It was hard to admit to yourself. But you wanted more with Spencer. Your little crush now growing into something bigger than yourself. You wanted futures full of him and what you have right now is not right. Shared trauma is not love.

Three months into the set up of him basically living in your apartment, you suggest therapy for both of you. You are a Doctor of Psychology and you know the percussions of what you’re doing.

Spencer is shocked but he understands. This was your territory, Spencer knows that this was the right thing to do so he agrees. You lay out all the options to Spencer, all the therapy and how both of you should change your routines more often.

It works. He stops sleeping on your bed every night (he still comes tho, just on the harder nights where he needs to hold you to remind himself that death has yet to take you).

You have breakfast together every morning, using it to comfort each other rather than sleeping together every night. It works.

The therapy helps you both as you both move on from Emily’s death. That is until seven months later.

-

Declan was missing. You’ve let the Emily case go but Derek has not, you know this and you let him. Every time you want to do something to help Derek catch Doyle, your doctorate that hangs above your couch stares back at you, like it was taunting you. You studied this, moving on was the better choice and you know it. No amount of killing Doyle would bring back Emily, no amount of it would make you feel better.

That is until Hotch gathers the team on the conference room.

“Everybody have a seat.” Hotch instructs. You all look at each other. Spencer looks at you as if asking if you knew what’s up but you only shake your head.

“Why?” Morgan asks, looking around.

“Seven months ago, I made a decision that affected this team. As you all know, Emily had lost a lot of blood after her fight with Doyle. But the doctors were able to stabilize her—“

“What?” You squeak out. Hotch holds his hands up, asking you to hear him out first.

“She was airlifted from Boston to Bethesda under a covert exfiltration. Her identity was strictly need-to-know and she stayed there until she was well enough to travel. She was reassigned to Paris where she was given several identities, none of which we had access to for her security.”

Spencer can see how your face pales. He reaches for your hand under the table and gives it a tight squeeze. You return the squeeze, finding comfort in his touch.

“She’s alive?” Penelope asks, tears now forming in her eyes.

“But... we buried her.” Spencer says, like its a fact. Like its the solid truth. Your hand clamps down harder on his.

“As I said, I take full responsibility for the decision. If anyone had any issues, they should be directed to me.” Hotch says and all you can do is look at him, not able to believe anything he is saying.

“Any issues? Yeah, I got issues!” Derek’s loud voice now looming over the room.

“Oh my god.” Penelope squeaks making the whole room turn around. You turn around and you see Emily walking to the room. Your hold unto Spencer tightens, as if checking if he is real, you want any sign that this is not a dream, that this is real.

“I am so sorry. I really am. Not a day went by that I didn’t want to...” Emily explains.

Death comes and it takes, and it takes, and it takes but never has Death give someone back to you.

Emily was standing in front of you. The woman whose blood stained your hands for days, the woman you buried, the woman who’s grave you cried on for god knows how long that Derek had to physically carry you away from her grave and here she was breathing and hugging the team.

She comes in front of you and you still haven’t let go of Spencer’s hand.

“Y/N?” She says, it comes as a whisper. A whisper, coming from the ghost that has been haunting you for months. She opens her arms for a hug and you let go of Spencer to hug her.

She was real, she was solid and she’s hugging you back. So why, in the mountain of emotions you are feeling, why is happiness in the bottom of the pit? Why is anger the one screaming in your heart?

You pull away, and she hugs Spencer but as soon as she lets go, Spencer captures your hands again. Emily sees this and smiles, but doesn’t say anything.

“There’s so much I want to tell you guys, and I will. I promise. But right now I really need to know what’s going on with Declan.” The team continued to discuss Declan and Spencer holds unto your hand like its his life line. You only break apart when the team has to work again.

He gives you one look as he separates away from you, “I got you.” He says, kissing your temple before leaving to go to the interrogation room.

That was enough to calm you down.

-

The team gets Declan back safely and after all the trials, you finally had a moment to breathe.

“Hey, you doing good?” Spencer asks. You nod. He looks good, he looks like home in a purple shirt and sweater vest.

“Do you want to go home?” He asks you. You want to shout but you’re my home! You nod and he takes your scarf from your desk and wraps it around you.

“Let’s go?” You smile at him as he wraps it around you. It felt so domestic, so familiar.

You walk together to the elevator, leaving the BAU and all the piles of emotions that you’ve been through this past few days. As you both stand in the silver tin box, you see your reflection with him standing beside you, his arm around your waist and your head on his shoulder.

You wanted to scream how much you love him. But the voice in your head screams back, he doesn’t love you! It’s shared trauma! You shake your head and Spencer sees this.

“You okay? How are you feeling?” You smile up at him, as he looks at you with all the worries that a person can hold for another one.

“Yes, I am good, Spence. How about you?” He smiles and kisses the top of your head. “I am good. I just need time to process some of the things that has happened.”

Spencer drives you both home. Spencer doesn’t take the word hate lightly but Spencer hates driving. He still drives tho, for you. Holding your hand while he drives with the other, while you were staring out of the window, just watching the places blur by.

Death waits on your door and when the right time comes, it will knock. When it does, you can’t turn it away or send it away. When it knocks, it sweeps you off your feet, leaving no time for goodbyes or regrets. Ironically, Spencer walks you to your door, opening it for you and even taking your scarf off for you.

Your heart almost grows twice its size and you can feel yourself bursting in its seams. You find yourself closing the door, as if trying to block Death away from him. He smiles at you and something bursts inside of you.

“I love you, Spence.”

He drops your keys on the bowl on your hallway and he smiles, teasingly. “I love you, too, Dr. Y/L/N.” You smile but you shake your head.

“No Spence, I love you. With my whole heart... I mean, of what’s left of it. W-we need to stop, if this is only a shared trauma for you. I can’t be that... because... I love you and I want futures with you. Any kind of it, as long as you are there, every morning with a cup of hot coffee for me. If that’s not possible, we need to stop. Because my heart...” You hold unto the edge of the table for strength.

“My heart... is not strong enough to lose you and love you at the same time.” Spencer stares at you, confused with a certain spark in his eyes.

“W-why are you saying this now?”

“Because death is at everyone’s door. Emily is lucky. But what if it takes me tonight, or tomorrow? I don’t want to die without telling you that I love you.” You say, bracing yourself for the impact of the rejection.

Spencer walks to you, holding your waist to steady you.

“I love you, more than anything in this world. I have love you even before Emily died. This isn’t shared trauma, it’s been love way before that. If it's anything, it made my love for you grow deeper. You... helped me heal. You pushed me to go to therapy. You made me stronger, Y/N.” Spencer holds your face and brings you into his arms and you clung unto him as he hugs you.

“I love you... I love you so much.” You whisper to him and he hugs you as close as humanly possible.

Spencer lets go of you but cups your face to lift it closer to his face. Spencer kisses you like it was the last time you can ever kiss him. It felt like a fever dream you once had. The fire of the kiss fills in the cracks in your heart, slowly but surely healing it all at once.

Life, the direct opposite of death, has always been hard to describe. Death was easy to describe for you but Life? it was a struggle. But with Spencer kissing you, as he holds your hand and your face, so tenderly like you were going to break, you finally realize what life is supposed to be. It felt good being alive, it felt good to be breathing.

You and Spencer sleep together for the first time that night. It is in one word, unbelievable. It was as if the universe has planned it all along to teach you what it felt to be alive, as he pushes himself inside you, whispering nothing but sweet praises and promises of futures together in your ear. You wake up, hours after making love, tangled with him and the bed sheets, with you in his arms.

“I love you.” You whisper to him, brushing through his hair as he sighs to your touch, snuggling more to the crook of your neck.

-

The morning comes in a breathe. Easy and fast. You wake up earlier than Spencer, untangling yourself from him to make him his daily morning coffee.

A knock comes and it almost makes you drop his mug. Looking up at the clock, it was only 7 in the morning. The thought disappears as another knock comes. You open the door and today life offers you Emily Prentiss.

“Hey, good morning.” She says with a smile, you give it back, still not used to seeing her, alive.

“Hey.” You smile looking at her as you let her enter.

“Pen said you had my boxes.” She looks around on the apartment. “Its not here. Its on the garage downstairs. Do you want it right now?” She nods. “Oh. Uhm, the team actually helped me move it there, its a little heavy...”

“Okay... I’ll get the team to help me later.” You nod but don’t say anything and the silence is so loud, it’s deafening.

“Can we talk?” Emily asks, in a gentle voice. Almost like she’s talking to a toddler. You shake your head. “We can, but not today... I need to process some things first and I need help with it. We can talk this weekend, after my therapy.”

“Therapy?” She repeats. You nod. “Therapy.” She bites down her lips, you know Emily enough to know that she feels bad about it.

“I know it’s not your fault, Em. I understand, but I just... need time. I... buried you. I cried on your grave and for months, I had to accept the fact that you were... dead.” Emily nods, opens her arms for a hug and you gladly accept it.

“I’ll give you as much time as you need. You are my bestfriend and I love you.” You nod and hug her tightly, reminding yourself that she was alive, and that was what’s important.

The hug was cut short when Spencer comes out of your bedroom half naked.

“Spencer?!” Emily almost screams as she pulls away from the hug.

“O-oh... I-I didn’t know you were here...” He says as he slowly backs up the door and picks up a shirt to wear.

“When did this happened!?” Emily is definitely losing her mind now.

“Uh... Last night?” You said, not exactly sure as to when it started. Emily’s mouth drops in surprise and Spencer can only smile at her offering her a cup. “Coffee?” Spencer says with a smile and a shrug that makes both you and Emily laugh.

Emily doesn’t stay long after that, opting to leave the two of you to spend some time together. Spencer and you end up in the couch, huddled together in a huge blanket you both knitted together with cups of coffee in hands.

“So... Are you officially moving in with me?” Spencer looks down at you. The steam of the coffee colouring your cheeks a bright pink colour.

“Do you want me to?” He asks, smiling at you. Spencer loves you, in ways he didn’t know he possibly can and he’d give you anything you want. You could ask for the stars and Spencer would build a rocket just to get a few to give to you (even if he knows it was impossible because, well, stars are made of gas.)

“I want you everywhere. You... are my home.” You say softly, as your hands caress his cheeks.

“Then, I am moving here, love.” He says as he kisses your forehead and you lean unto him as you wrap the blanket tighter around each other.

“I love you.” He says as you lay your head on his chest and he brings you closer to him. You smile and whisper it back. “I love you more.”

Most people say that time heals pain. It, truthfully, does not. Love does, love in the corniest way possible, mends your soul in ways that are not physically possible.

When Death knocks on your door it will be in different shapes and forms, but so will love and for you, love came in the shape and form of Spencer Reid.

-

[bittersweetmorality]

— chuuya boyfriend headcannons (sfw & nsfw)+ drabble

☾ genre: SFW and NSFW Headcannons (NSFW section is marked-- 18+)

☾ pairing: Nakahara Chuuya x GN!reader (reader is given the name ‘mommy’ in the drabble)

☾ warnings: none for the SFW– general smut for the NSFW ??

☾ w/c: 1,978 words

☾ a/n: hey lol :D as a certified chuuya fucker, i just had to.  i literally have like three other chuuya drafts that i’m currently working on.  hopefully they turn out like i want and i can post them bc :| the chuuya tag is starving.  anyway i hope i can populate it just a tad.  thanks for reading bugs !

— SFW 

lemme start off by saying that he will treat yo ass RIGHT.  ON MY MOMMA.

not to bring his trauma into this already but :| my man has major abandonment issues.  he will not do anything to jeopardize your relationship, and he honestly just values your happiness above anything else

you just know how much he cares about the fellow members of the mafia– even though they don’t requite the same amount of love that he gives them, he still loves them wholeheartedly

even dazai

little shit

his love language is definitely touch and gift-giving.  no i don’t accept criticism because i’m right

you’re telling me he wouldn’t absolutely spoil you with expensive gifts ?? mans is a mafia executive– he’s making hella bank, and he is spending it all on you

he’s also definitely a pretty clingy significant other, but good luck trying to get him to admit that :|

his life is… well… yaknow

there’s always a lot going on there..... he’s stresst

he wants nothing more than to just hold you in his arms after a long day-- especially if he just came back from a hard day at work

times like this are when he’s most clingy-- he feels like he almost lost you, and now he never wants to let you go

many, many times he’s fallen asleep like this; you’re basically suffocating in his grip as his eyelids flutter closed, either on the couch or your bed

but of course you’re not going to complain

and he’s so glad you don’t

he’s also the type to almost never explicitly say that he loves you at first, it’s simply not something that comes naturally to him

instead he indulges in his love languages profusely, and he just hopes you get the message

he’s also afraid that you’ll leave him if he says something like that, so for a long time he doesn’t :(

so when you come home to a bottle of expensive wine wrapped in an exquisite red ribbon, you know he just wants to tell you how much he loves you

eventually, of course he’s comfortable with you enough to say it, and it comes completely natural

and since he’s such a romantic, he says it every morning when you wake up, and before you go to bed without fail

he’s definitely the type to show you off too

like, as he’s having a conversation with someone, he’ll suddenly get really loud when talking about you so everyone within a three-mile radius can hear

“well, you see i would go out drinking with you tonight, but i actually have a date.  with my partner.  you know them, right?  here’s a picture i took of them a few days ago, just look a-”

also: biggest hype man

you could open a jar of jam and he’d be like “holy shit, you go babe”

nakahara chuuya kiss me rn challenge

anyway, basically he’ll love and support you no matter what

like truly you’re like a walking ray of sunshine to him

anyway !!!! DATES !!!!!!!

dates with chuuya are planned.  always.

like i SAID he’s a hopeless ROMANTIC MY GOD

he absolutely loves picking you up at your doorstep and taking you for a ride around town on his motorcycle

speaking of which, your arms wrapping around his middle and squeezing him tight as he drives the bike is literally his favorite thing in the world.  oh my god you’re going to make him melt

and i know for a fact your first kiss with him was after he dropped you off at your door when your first date was at its end

it was almost completely perfect honestly, except when your faces were just mere inches from one another, his hat bumped into your forehead and fell to the ground

baby was so embarrassed-- he went bright red and picked up his hat, basically shielding his face

he just wanted the date to be completely perfect– and it was!! until that happened

but obviously you just let out a light giggle and pulled him against you, and he quickly closed the gap between your lips

also, chuuya sleeps in

he sleeps a lot <33

that being said he loves lazy mornings

it’s well past 11, but you’re still laying in his arms– who is he to get up?? and disturb the peace??????

he will not.

also!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i can’t even emphasize this enough, but please comb your fingers through his hair

there’s a chance he might melt into a puddle on the spot and never recover but still

on the rare occasion where he’s the little spoon--

(which, speaking of which, @dazai-centric​ has a headcannon that chuuya always insists on being the big spoon no matter what, but on rare occasions he lets himself be wrapped up in your arms and THEY’RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.)

anyway, so on this rare occasion

where his head is basically buried in the junction between your shoulder and your neck, and you just rake your fingers through his hair softly

he dead.  dead as hell.

and ERRRRM.  kisses with him are just……… wow…………

naturally, he always wants to be the best at everything-- it’s just his personality

and kisses are no exception

he has to be the BEST

and he is

so, kisses are always so passionate and rough

okay hold on maybe this should go under the NSFW category 😐

ANYWAY!!!! 19472946/10 boyfriend

— NSFW

so rough sex is very common for y’all 😁

he likes to take his frustrations out from the day like this, and honestly you don’t complain

he definitely has a high sex drive so 😁

obviously you have an established safe-word and talk about everything before anything transpires because the LAST thing he wants is to hurt you in any way

but if you ask him to spank you he is definitely not gunna say no <3 chuuya said spanking kink

speaking of kinks

bondage xoxo

this goes both ways— he likes to tie your wrists to the headboard with rope and tie your legs down if you’re okay with it

for him, he likes his wrists cuffed to the bed

but he definitely doesn’t like all of his power stripped away by having him completely tied up

also he loves eye contact

that’s why missionary and mating press are his favorite positions <3

he likes to grab you by the jaw and make you look at him when he’s fucking you

“hey, hey, princess what did we say? if you want to cum, look me in the eyes when i fuck you, yeah?”

he loves praise and degradation equally

but if you’re degrading him don’t go too far :((

degrade slightly him while he’s on the bottom and he’s putty in your hands

now, if you praise him while he’s on top, get ready to not be able to walk for the next 3-5 business days because that’ll feed his ego a LOOOT

and he’ll just get lost in the moment because he loves you....... so much

he degrades you slightly, but only during foreplay

he calls you his little slut, or his whore

“aw, so wet for me and we’re barely getting started, doll.  such a little whore, aren’t you?”

when you actually get into it, it’s all praise from him

he wants you to know how important you are to him, how good you feel and just everything on his mind

he loses his filter in the moment awn god

“so fucking perfect, i only want you.  you’re mine.  god, you feel so fucking good.”

he loves to hear you too-- it really feeds his ego

but sometimes if he’s really had a rough day, he’ll make you gag on his finger or wrap his hand around your neck

he doesn’t squeeze too hard nor genuinely make you gag, he just likes the way your eyes are barely able to meet his because he’s making you feel so good

but ANYWAY pet names are a MUST with him

he calls you doll, sweetheart, princess, baby, dove, doll

basically every sweet name under the sun during sex

he likes you to call him sir 😁

this man has no shame when it comes to noise

like absolutely none

since he’s possessive, he wants people to know he’s fucking you, and how good he feels because of you

no one else can make him feel that way and he wants everyone to know

so he’s LOOOUUUDD,,,, especially in your ear

he likes leaning down and moaning in your ear, just to get a reaction out of you

he makes fun of you for it later on, and you have his full permission to smack that smug little smirk off his face

but the amount of times you had to stop mid-way because y’all got knocks on your door from your neighbours 😐 they’re so sick of y’all

on average, you have sex at least 4 times a week

that’s not including quickies tho

did i mention that chuuya loves quickies <3

especially when it’s in his office and he fucks you on his desk

and because he doesn’t care who hears him-- you bet your ass the entire Port Mafia has heard you

he likes to go down on you for quickies more than actual sex, and he will respectfully never decline a blowjob

because he’s a gentleman

anyway

sorry to any of y’all who have a breeding kink,,, but chuuya definitely does not

he’s so afraid of having kids

moving on

onto sub!chuuya

did somebody say SWITCH 🤨☝️

chuuya did <3

now for a long time he doesn’t really let his submissive side out because,,, it’s a really vulnerable part of him yaknow?

but after a while, and after he’s completely trusted you to take care of him like that

oh boy

bottom bitch <3

still loud as HELL

except it’s less of moaning and more of whining

he’s such a whiner

and a brat

mommy kink mommy kink mommy kink mommy kink mo

also i don’t really know how else to describe it but-- if you force him to look you in the eyes and use a stern tone

..........dead.  dead as hell.

now take this drabble as a tribute to sub!chuuya

“and why should i listen to you?  what are you gunna do?” chuuya furrowed his brows at you, as if he was challenging you.

“aw, baby,” you leaned down from your position of straddling him, caging his head between your arms.  “you still have so much to say even though your hands are handcuffed to the bed.  so bold, aren’t you?” you stroked his lower lip gently, and he whimpered lowly in response.

suddenly, you sat up, getting into a position to prepare to get up off of him completely, “but, you’re right.  what am i going to do?  i guess i’ll just leave you here for the rest of the night.  go-”

“WAIT!! NO- I-” he bit his lip to stop any more words from escaping him.

“’wait’?  is there something you wanna say, baby?” your legs trapped his once again.

“... please.”

he averted your gaze, and you reached down to grip his jaw sternly, moving his head to face you completely.

“please what?”

no answer.

“you know i can’t read your mind, baby.  you’re going to have to use your w-”

“please fuck me.” the words tumbled out of his mouth, almost too quickly to even be audible, still, your lips shifted into a gentle smile.

but you weren’t completely content with him yet.

“and what’s my name?”

“...mommy.”

“and you want mommy to fuck you, is that right?”

“...yes.  please...”

you planted a passionate kiss onto his lips, and upon breaking it, you shifted closer to his ear.

“well, i can’t say no since you asked so nicely, now can i?”

masterlist

[chyanxrene]

Sweetheart Part 2

♡ Sweetheart part 1 ♡

♡ Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Y/N

♡ Summary: Draco and Y/N were friend’s with benefits, now that Y/N was avoiding him, it was only a waiting game until he caught up with her.

♡ Warnings: Degradation, pure smut, male receiving

"Y/N have you found an outfit for the ball yet?" Her friend asked from next to her whilst she ate a slice of toast.

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows and then opened her eyes in realisation that she had forgotten the winter ball that was on Friday.

"Fuck, I forgot."

"We don't have time to go to Hogsmeade, you'll have to wear one of my dresses" her best friend smiled and continued eating.

Y/N nodded, spreading jam on her toast. She was trying to forget about her last encounter with Draco which had left him fuming. She was trying to avoid him, she wouldn't walk down the halls by herself— in case he caught her.

"Y/N" her friend drawled, Y/N followed her friends eye line.

"Why is he staring at you?" Her friend frowned, quickly diverting her gaze back towards Y/N.

Her eyes found his, he was mad, furious actually. His gaze was intense, he sat two tables away. Despite the large amount of students in the great hall, he was only looking at her.

His hand was tightly clenched around his fork, his knuckles whiter than his normal pale skin tone. Y/N felt uncomfortable from his staring— but she couldn't take her eyes off him.

She watched as Pansy Parkinson tapped his shoulder and whispered something in his ear. But Draco didn't flinch, he continued to stare at her in anger, watching her every movement.

Y/N gulped and excused herself from the great hall, she ran out into the corridor only to bump into someone and fall straight on her ass.

"Oh fuck."

"Shit— I'm sorry, here— let me help you up."

Y/N watched the large male hand in front of her, she hesitantly grabbed the hand. He pulled her up, maybe a little too hard as she crashed into his chest.

"Thanks Cormac."

"You're welcome Y/L/N."

There was an awkward silence between the two. Y/N knew him from a few classes but had never spoken to him like that. She knew he could be a player but that didn't alter is good looks.

"Say Y/N, you don't happen to have a date tomorrow yet? If you do that's fine but if not then perhaps I could take you."

Y/N chewed on her lip, a part of her didn't want to go with him as he was a ladies man, another part of her wanted to— as she didn't have a date yet. The ball was the last thing on her mind.

"I'm surprised you don't yet" she laughed.

Cormac chuckled and brushed his hand along her right arm. "Well, I wanted to go with you but I didn't have the balls to ask."

This was news to Y/N, she had never observed any interest from Cormac. She decided to bite the bullet and agree to going with him— besides she didn't want to look lonely.

"Sure, I'll go with you."

"Perfect!" He pulled her into a tight squeeze, she heard him take a deep inhale and then let out a sigh. He was weird— nether the less she now had a date, so she had to prepare.

Y/N said her goodbye to Cormac after an awkward hug and turned around to head to her dorm room. At the corner of her eye she caught a glimpse of Draco leaning against the entrance door to the great hall.

Her heart was racing, she didn't want to make eye contact with him. She hurried past him, the wind picked up his smell which travelled into her nostrils. Shivers ran down her spine, the smell of Draco was addictive but she had to be strong.

It was the day of the winter ball, Y/N didn't have much time to prepare an outfit so was left with two options, kindly offered by her friend.

"So, there's the red one with the slit— very Christmassy— also very seductive— the slit makes it easy if you want to— well you know what."

Y/N laughed at her friend's dirty mind and watched as she picked the other dress up.

"The black one is cute— it's what you would wear to your enemies funeral— just to show them up" she laughed.

Y/N thought carefully, the black was nice, slightly puffy at the bottom and long sleeves. The red was silk from head to toe, a slit running down the left leg, it was a straight dress— it would be a tight fit.

"The red."

Her friend clapped her hands excitedly and threw the dress over to her. Y/N went to get ready, she took a long hot shower. She done her hair in her favourite style and applied natural make up. She decided to go for a bold red lip, to match her dress.

"Fucking hell."

"Is it too much?" Y/N said worriedly, she looked down at her dress, ironing out the creases with her hands.

"If Cormac doesn't get you in his bed tonight, you'll definitely be in mine!"

Y/N blushed, her friend wore the black dress which complimented her skin tone nicely. She paired it with a smoky eye and nude lipgloss, they both looked good.

"Come, let's go— I have a date with Blaise and Cormac will be waiting for you" her friend said pulling them out of their shared dorm room.

"You look— lovely" Cormac smiled, his eyes went straight to her chest and then to her exposed leg. Y/N scoffed and now began regretting coming with this boy.

She thanked him, shooting him a quick smile. His hand went around her waist, holding her tightly— maybe a little too tightly. Y/N sucked it up, she hoped that she could loose him in an hour and find her friend.

"Do you want a drink?" He asked, his eyes wandered glancing at other females.

Y/N stood on his toe quickly and then retracted her foot "oh my, I'm so sorry, I'm clumsy you see."

Cormac nodded, a hint of anger on his face as he examined his shoe to see if there was any scuff marks. Once he discovered there wasn't he smiled and then went to get drinks.

Y/N stood waiting for her date, she watched as her friend was being twirled around by Blaise. They looked cute together, she couldn't help but feel jealous as she wanted to be treated the same as her friend.

Cormac was taking a while, she glanced over and saw him speaking to his friends, they kept looking over to her and then smirking. Y/N was utterly repulsed— men she thought in her head.

The air suddenly shifted, it was heavier— stuffy, Y/N's breath was caught in her throat as she found it hard to breath properly.

Everyone else continued dancing, she was the only one that was feeling this, and that's when she felt his body behind her. He wasn't touching her, she could just feel him behind her.

She took in a deep breath, and licked her lips.

"You look— beautiful" Draco breathed from behind her.

He had never spoken to her like that outside of sex. Of course he had called her beautiful many times, only when she was sucking his dick, or riding him— oh gosh.

She felt herself grow wet as memories of her and Draco clustered her mind. She had to stand her ground, she can't let him win again.

"Thank you."

"Where's your date?" He said now standing next to her, he didn't look at her, he just faced forward watching everyone dance.

"Getting drinks."

"Mmm, which one is it again?"

"None of your business" Y/N spat.

He let out a short laugh, his eyes finally meeting hers. She turned her head quickly and faced the front again.

"Where's your date?"

"I don't have one."

"That's a shame."

"Is it? Or are you secretly happy about that?" He teased, Y/N's face grew hot, did he know about her crush on him? She thought deeply thinking if she gave away any hints.

Y/N cleared her throat "oh here he comes."

Cormac walked over with two glasses of punch. He eyed Draco and then handed the drink to Y/N.

"Malfoy, everything alright?" Cormac asked, drinking some of his drink.

He hummed, watching Cormac, he looked annoyed "I'm fine, you mind if I have your drink Y/N?"

She frowned at him and shook her head "no— it's mine, get your own."

I looked at Cormac who had a worried look on his face "yeah— yeah get your own Malfoy."

Draco slapped the drink out of her hands, sending shards of glass onto the dance floor. It was too loud for anyone to hear, so no one noticed, only a Hufflepuff who quickly collected the glass.

"Draco what the fuck."

"He put something in your drink" he growled now holding onto Cormac's shirt collar.

"I did not!" Cormac shouted.

"I watched you, you and your little friends had a game going on didn't you?"

Cormac shook his head.

"Who can fuck first? Right?" Draco shouted.

Y/N had heard enough and ran off, she felt embarrassed. She knew Cormac was an ass but she didn't expect that. She wasn't upset or crying, she just wanted to go back to her dorm room.

She felt more embarrassed at the fact that Draco came to her rescue, she should've figured it out herself. Now she was beginning to get annoyed at him.

She turned down a corridor, speeding to her dorm room. Heavy footsteps trailed behind her, she was finally going to be caught by Draco Malfoy.

He tugged on her wrist and pulled her back, she swung around. His other hand pushed her head towards his and he kissed her deeply. Entering his tongue in her mouth straight away.

Y/N let out a whimper and returned the kiss. Draco backed her against the wall, her back hitting the cold stone sharply.

He pulled back, his eyes were heavy which watched his heavy breath.

His finger was raised, he pointed it at Y/N and laughed.

"You— my sweetheart— have been driving me wild."

Y/N could only gulp, his hand slapped the wall next to her head.

"Do you enjoy playing games with me?"

Y/N shook her head quickly, Draco's other hand trailed down her thigh and went underneath her dress. Brushing her inner thighs slowly.

"Answer me!"

"I—I haven't played games."

"You have, you leave me with blue balls, I haven't been able to get rid of them for nearly a week now!"

"That—that's not my fault."

A smirk fell onto his face, his hand stopped moving.

"You're right— maybe it's mine."

Y/N nodded, her underwear now sticking to her wet pussy, his finger grew closer and closer to where she wanted him most. But he didn't touch her, he was teasing her, getting her back for what she'd done to him.

"You know what I want?" He smiled, his thumb brushing her bottom lip, he smudged her red lipstick slightly.

"I want you— to wrap those pretty red lips around my cock."

Y/N moaned at his words, she just couldn't do it, she couldn't let him leave her again when she had all these feelings for him.

Y/N bit her lip and thought to herself— I guess one more time wouldn't hurt, she convinced herself.

Draco searched Y/N's eyes for an answer, then he smirked when he realised she had come to a decision.

Draco looked around and unbuttoned his trousers, he pulled them down along with his boxers. His dick was hard, the head leaking with precum.

"You missed this sweetheart?" He asked wiping the precum off his tip with the pad of his thumb and then smearing it onto Y/N's lips.

Y/N nodded quickly, her tongue darting out to taste his arousal. Draco's hand wrapped around her throat, he pulled her into a hard kiss and then let her go.

"Make me cum" he whispered against her lips.

Y/N fell to her knees, she rubbed up her hand up and down his dick. His hips bucked forward as he felt her thumb brush across his sensitive tip.

Draco's hands tangled in her hair "show me how much you missed me."

He pushed her head forward, his eyes never leaving her. She ran her hand up and down again, stroking the prominent vein on the side, her mouth opened.

Draco guided his tip first into her mouth, Y/N's lips instantly wrapped around it, swirling her tongue to taste him.

"Fuck."

He pushed her head further, forcing her to take more of his thick cock. Her mouth widened, she struggled to take in everything, so what she couldn't she pumped with her hand.

She hollowed her mouth, sucking as hard as she could. Draco groaned at this and gripped her hair harder.

Y/N choked suddenly, feeling his tip hit the back of her throat. Her mouth filled with more saliva, she looked up at Draco, he smirked and pulled her off him.

Multiple strings of her spit were still attached to his his dick from her mouth. Her eyes were watery and her mascara was now running. Draco looked at her like she was an angel.

He traced his tip along her lips and then prodded them, forcing her to open her mouth.

Y/N sucked in a breath, she knew what was coming. She held onto Draco's thighs and he thrusted hard into her mouth. He done this many times until Y/N was sobbing. Her vision was blurry and her mouth was swollen.

"Fucking— love— your— filthy— mouth" he grunted each word. Spit was falling out of Y/N's mouth onto the floor, she looked up at Draco, his head was thrown back, his mouth was parted as he continued to fuck her mouth.

He suddenly pulled out of her mouth and grabbed her forearm. He dragged her up "lift up— your dress."

Y/N quickly wiped her mouth and lifted her dress, Draco looked around again, to see if there were any onlookers. Not that that would make a difference now.

Draco held both sides of her underwear and snapped them, a stinging sensation running through Y/N's body.

He lifted her up, her legs were over his arms as he used the wall to balance his hands on.

"Fuck— I missed you" he whispered, he lined his dick to her entrance and then pushed inside of her.

Y/N's head flew back, Draco let out a strained groan as he pulled out and pushed back in again.

"So tight— you make it hard for me to last long."

She couldn't speak, she was in a total state of bliss, her eyes were screwed shut as he thrusted in and out of her. She moaned his name feeling his cock fill her up sweetly.

Draco moved at a faster pace, the angle made his tip rub against her g spot repeatedly.

Y/N was whimpering, crying his name as she felt her orgasm approach fast.

"You're mine— aren't you?"

Draco thrusted harder, lifting her up slightly higher so he could push into her deeper.

"Fuck— tell me you're mine!"

Y/N's head fell forward, they looked into each others eyes and she nodded quickly.

"Say it— I wanna hear you say it."

"I'm yours Draco."

He slowed his pace, giving Y/N short, deep, thrusts. She was close now, his head leaned in and sucked onto her neck, leaving red and purple marks behind.

He then thrusted one final time hard, which sent them both over the edge. Y/N came moaning his name, Draco let out 5 curse words in one short sentence.

His forehead leaned on hers as he tried to catch his breath. His lips kissed her forehead as he finally let her down.

Y/N pulled down her dress as Draco pulled his boxers and trousers back up. It was silent, no words were spoken between them, both were still reeling from the amazing sex they had just had.

Draco's back was turned from Y/N's, she heard him zip up his trousers "I'm not sleeping with her."

"What?"

"Don't be stupid— you know who I'm talking about."

"Right, I didn't care if you did anyway-"

"You did."

He smiled and turned around, he strolled towards Y/N, he brushed a loose strand of hair out of her face, pushing it behind her ear.

Y/N's eyes were watering, she didn't want to cry in front of him, but all her emotions were coming at once and she couldn't handle them all. She sucked in her tears and remained calm.

"I—I don't want to do this anymore" Y/N whispered, her head faced her feet.

Draco placed a kiss on her cheek "good because neither do I."

Y/N looked at him, she was confused at what he meant by that.

"What does that mean?"

He let out a laugh and smiled "I want you to go back to your room, burn the list of rules and then come back to my room."

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows and then widened her eyes realising what he had just said.

"But—but Draco?"

Y/N was worried what everyone would think about her being with a Slytherin— let alone Draco Malfoy.

"I don't care anymore— now be a good girl and do as you're told."

"Right, okay."

Y/N went to walk off but he pulled her wrist, forcing her against his chest. His mouth found hers as he engulfed her into a wet kiss. Y/N pulled away before they got too carried away.

"See you soon— sweetheart."

[redfoxwritesstuff]

Of Dust and Ashes, Chapter 36

AN: Sorry for the delay. As I've said, I've got friends in both Russia and Ukraine, thus I've been a wee bit distracted. None of my Russian friends are for this war- one is still arrested for protesting and some of my Ukrainian friends are fighting. Glory to Ukraine- wish I could help..

Find my other work on the Masterlist- some angst, some fluff, some sexy smut for all flavors.

pairing: Clint x OFC Series rating: M Series warnings: adult themes, occasional smut, violence, mental health struggles- if it can be warned for, it’s probably in here at some point tbh Chapter warnings: implied smut, grief, drinking, misplaced anger and blame.

Kofi and Cashtag: $leeanneduyn (please never call me Leeanne- I hate my name)-

All donations and Kofi purchased and sent my way will go toward paying down my student loan debt. If every follower were to donate even just 75 cents each month, I could make my monthly payments when it resumes. I don’t expect nor hope for every follower to donate. But as the USA government won’t follow through on student loan forgiveness, I’m not above asking for help as this is a debt I was forced to take on by my abusive ex-husband. I wasn't able to pay much on my credit cards this week as gas prices have exploded and my husbands been our of work for a week ill.

Current balance as of 3/5/22: $45,612.83

Chapter 36: Hollow Anger

“And if I’m not?”

The words echoed in her head and heart. He was the one she counted on. It was him that she relied on. When the darkness of night was too much, when the sounds of screams and the bitter smell of smoke chased her to the realm of wakefulness, it was him she clung to.

It had been so long since Clint had shown the same weakness. So often, it seemed like she alone saw the ghosts of the house. She ignored them alone, assuming that she was the only one haunted.

Now, she could see what he had hid from her for so long. He was haunted just as much as she. How could she expect any less?

There was a reason she loved him and this was it. She loved him because he loved. He loved with all the strength he had. His love didn’t forget. His love didn’t replace. He didn’t need to replace the love for others with the love for her because he had an infinite amount of love.

But now, that love he couldn’t let go had left him sitting in the dark of what had once been the family home, hollow. Could she love him enough to fill that void, now that she saw it? She would try. She would try for as long as he would have her. She would try until he was tired of her. She would try until he sent her away. She would try until one of them died- preferably of old age.

“You can go back to bed.” The soft words drew her out of her thoughts.

“No.” She whispered and scooted the lamp to the far edge of the stair, making room for herself to sit close to him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” He said, knowing he should. “I can’t seem to put them to rest.”

“They where your kids.” She rested her head against his shoulder, wrapping her hand around his wrist lightly. “She was your wife.”

“Its not-” Words started and died in his throat. With a heavy sigh, he started again. “I’m not holding onto her. I’m not still-”

“I know. I believe you.” Reassuring words that she didn’t fully believe.

“I want to break it.” Clint said. It took her a moment to realize he was referring to the wooden shovel in his hands. “Snap it in half. Throw it in the fire. Burn it.”

“Okay.”

“But I can’t. I’ve been sitting here for fucking hours and I just- I can’t.”

“You don’t have to.” Dee whispers.

“I know you don’t feel… whatever here. At home?” His words slurred.

“I do.”

“Don’t lie.”

“Maybe at home isn’t exactly it. But I am home here. I feel at home here, with you, on the land and in the barn. But this house?”

“This damn house.”

“It’s not your fault. And for everything this house gives us, it’s worth it to me. You’re worth it to me.”

He let go of the shovel, letting it clatter to his feet, knocking the nearly empty bottle of whiskey over in the process. The sound of wood and glass clattering against the ground seemed far too loud in the dead of night.

Running his hands over his face and pushing his fingers back through his hair, he said “God, I’m being an idiot.”

Scooting closer to him, she rested her head on his knee, looking down at the date and names glaring up at her “You’re not. You’re hurting and that’s okay. For what it’s worth, I don’t think you should burn it.” Though in her heart, she wanted him to “Maybe take it upstairs and put it to bed. Maybe it’s time to stop going upstairs.”

“Maybe it’s time to leave the farm.” He whispered.

“Is that safe?” The idea terrified her and thrilled her.

“Safer than it was.” He signed, “Let’s go to bed. Sleep the whiskey off.”

She followed him, holding his hand as he left the shovel on the ground. She set the lamp on the dresser as he swung the door partially closed. They slipped into bed next to each other and he reached for her as soon as her body settled onto the mattress. His heart thumped under her fingertips and the smell of whiskey wafted down with each breath.

“Clint?”

“Hmm?”

“Don’t ever leave me?”

“Never.”

~~~~~<3

After that night, she never saw the shovel again. She stopped hearing the squeak of boards above her head as he moved in the upper floor. Time passed and the weather warmed slowly. The ghosts seemed to fade, ever present but lingering deeper in the shadows, easier to ignore.

With the last traces of snow melted and a bright spring day, Dee set to work opening windows and doors while Clint worked in the yard. Spring was firmly in the air and she felt at peace, for the most part.

She cleaned the main floor from top to bottom. She scrubbed counters, washed the morning’s dishes. She dusted, swept and mopped. When all was said and done, she was feeling good. She was feeling hopeful.

After there was nothing else, she went into the bedroom they shared. The sunlight was strong through the window. She folded the little blanket that she had carried to bed with her every night into a neat square and picked up the stuffed fox she clutched to her chest as she slept.

Sitting on the bed, she simply held these items for some time. Then she stood and made her way to the dresser. She’d cleaned it off earlier and had set out two candles. In between them, she set folded blanket and atop it, the fox.

“Looks cute.” She hadn’t heard him come in. As his arms wrapped around her waist, she leaned into him.

“I think it’s time.” She said and felt him nod softly,

“If you’re ready.”

She had opened her mouth to tell him that if he was moving on and healing, she needed to as well but instead, as a strange sound seemed to fill the house, she asked “What is that?”

“A quinjet.”

His hands dropped from around her and she expected him to tell her to stay inside. While he rushed out of the room, he said nothing. She followed him into the living room and watched as he grabbed his bow from where it hung by the door, slinging the quiver of arrows over his shoulder. She still expected him to tell her to stay where she lingered in the hall but even as his hand wrapped around the doorknob, he did not. Even as he walked out the door, he did not tell her to stay.

And so she didn’t, though she did hesitate for a few moments. She listened as the tone of the rumble of engines changed. As she passed through the doorway and onto the porch, the sound cut off. An eerie silence fell over the field as Clint made his way closer, bow gripped in his hand and back straight.

She kept her distance but followed just the same. He didn’t look back at her and she wondered if he knew she was there. Should she go back for her own bow? Or maybe a gun?

The rear of the jet began to lower. Clint adjusted his grip on the bow. She watched, feeling fear flood her along side curiosity.

The Avengers used quinjets frequently but it was hard not to ask what if. How could they know it wasn’t some random person out to get them. Clint was clearly not sure based on the grip on his bow alone. The urge to run back to the safety of the house hit her like a wave as the ramp that made up the back door hit the ground.

A woman, tall and lean stepped out and confidently walked down. Blonde and red rooted hair was ablaze in the morning sunlight. She was as beautiful as ever., though stress had aged her since she had last graced a press release. Clint stood at a distance, hand relaxing around the bow but not rushing to her.

“Natasha”

“Hey,” She said, friendly and warm. “How’s it been going? Tried calling you.”

“I lost my phone.”

“Lost it, right.” She didn’t sound convinced. “We- I could use your help.”

She looked tired. Her skin was paler than Dee had remembered seeing in photographs. Dark circles marred the skin under her eyes, telling of many sleepless nights without a word. Her shoulders were sagged slightly, as if she were carrying the weight of the world on them and yet tried to hide it.

“You don’t need my help.”

“Clint-” Natasha tried to protest.

“You didn’t need my help to kill Thanos. You had that under control just fine.” Dee reached out and her fingers grazed his shirt sleeve as he snapped at Natasha.

“It wasn’t like that-”

“It doesn’t matter what it was like. You did it and you’re cleaning up the mess he made of our world just fine too.”

“Clint?” Dee whispered. His hand reached behind him and squeezed hers but he otherwise did not redirect his attention.

“Who’s your friend?” A friendly change of subject could serve them well.

The question was quickly shot down before it had a chance to be more than a passing thought, “Someone who needs me. Beyond that- Not your business.”

“She can come if you’re worried about that.”

“I’m not, because I’m not going anywhere.” Clint snapped.

“I need help, Clint. I-”

“You have help. Plenty of it.”

“-can’t do it alone. We need help-”

“No.”

“-vetting people, trying to fill the ranks as best we can. We’re-”

“God, it’s like she’s not listening.” Though he didn't turn his attention away from Natasha, Dee know the statement was for her. She was not forgotten.

“Clint.” Natasha sighed, giving up on what she had been attempting to communicate.

“No. I’m not going to have any part of putting idiots and power hungry bullies in roles where they can hurt people. Enough people have been hurt. Nat, I’m tired. I lost everyone I had, let me have the farmhouse and the one person I managed to gain in all this.”

“You didn’t lose me.” Natasha offered, knowing it wasn’t enough. “And you won’t lose her.”

“And if the next Mayor of Fuckville decides he’s going to gather the women up and make them his playthings, the government is going to be on the ball and stop him before more than a few women get hurt? Ha! Nat, I’ve seen what happens when a monster takes a little bit of power and runs with it. You’re giving them they keys just to fill positions.”

“That’s why-”

“Why you want help.” Clint was on a roll. “Yeah, because putting the best shitty options in power is better than leaving a void. Have fun, Natasha. I’m done.”

Clint turned and after squeezing Dee’s hand, marched toward the farmhouse. “Leave.”

Dee stood, rooted in place. She was face to face with a second Avenger and much of her was numb to it. Deep down though, there was an ember of anger.

“You were there.” Dee whispered the statement before repeating it a second time, louder.

“Yes.” She answered carefully.

“You were heroes. You were supposed to keep us safe from things like that.”

“We’re human. Most of us, at least. We're not Gods.”

“You failed.” Dee’s voice was climbing now as she repeated the statement again and again before dropping deathly low. “You failed and my children are dead.”

“We did our best. We tried-”

“You failed. My kids- they burned to death on a bus because you failed. It’s your fault. All of you so called heroes.” Finally, she had a place to direct her rage. Months of anger, bottled inside.

“We couldn’t have known-”

“Planes dropped out of the sky. Cars and trucks and busses lost their drivers. Doctors disappeared in the middle of operations, of birthing babies! You gave us hope. You said you’d protect us and you failed.” Again, her voice was climbing and tears began to stream down her eyes. “You failed. You failed and we all payed.”

“I paid too.” Natasha tried to protest only to have that accusation of failure repeated over and over, cutting deeper each time. “I lost friends. I lost the only family-”

“And where where you when my children’s teachers shot a boy right in front of me to take his supplies? Where were you when men called themselves Kings? Where where you? Where where you?” She was screaming now, fingernails digging deep into the palms of her hands.

“Where where you when a baby was left in the snow to die? Where? Where?”

Warm arms wrapped around her. She was pulled into a firm chest. Comforting warmth. Strength. Permission to be weak.

She clung to him, fingers digging, bunching the shirt, and digging into his chest. The smell of him enveloped her. Her knees where weak. It only took a few ripping sobs to buckle them. It was his gentle strength that kept her standing.

How much did he hear? Did he hear? Did it matter? Did any of it matter?

“You need to leave, Natasha.” Clint’s voice was soft yet firm.

It was clear that Natasha wanted to ask questions. If she asked, he would answer. Laura was gone and while he hadn’t moved on, he could love another without betraying his love for his wife. Surely, that wasn't impossible for her to understand.

It had been long, painful months and the woman in his arms had brought him light. Natasha could understand how important it was to have light. To have kindness. To have love. To have something to look forward to. To have someone to look to the future with. If anyone could understand, she had to.

“Clint…” Natasha stepped closer.

“Go.” There was a hardness in his voice that he had never directed toward her before.

They where friends, best friends. Yet he was sending her away when she came asking for help. What else could she do?

“Okay.” Was all she said, though she hesitated as she watched the man she thought she knew better than anyone else in the world lead a woman who voiced every one of the terrible thoughts that haunted her in the black of the night. “Okay.”

~~~~~<3

She was hyperventilating. When did that start? She couldn’t remember. Clinging to him, she rode the waves of panic that so quickly filled the void left as her anger burned through all the strength she had.

His arm swept up her legs but she hardly noticed. Where was the woman? Natasha was Clint’s friend, she was important to him. Had she crossed a line? Would he be angry?

It didn’t seem like it. What it seemed like was that he was picking her and the life they made surrounded by the ghosts over his friend from before, over what remained of his life from before.

He was all she was aware of as he kicked the door shut behind them. The safety of the home relaxed her. The weight of his hand rubbing her back and thighs after he sat them on the couch did much to calm her. Directions to breath were lost in the waves of panic. Reminders of how to breath filtered, whispered over and over.

“I’m sorry.” She choked out, the word stuttered by her shaking breaths only to be hushed.

She sat that way for some time. How long, she couldn’t say. Long enough that Clint’s legs surely had gone numb but he didn’t usher her off. Slowly, she calmed. Perhaps she dozed at times. Eventually, she slipped off his lap and instead cuddled into his side.

“Better?” Clint whispered into the top of her head.

“You didn’t have to stay for me.”

“I didn’t.” She looked up at him, “I stayed because I can’t bring myself to knowingly put people who will hurt others in power.”

“Oh.” She felt silly for feeling disappointed. Part of her, a very selfish part, wanted him to say he stayed because of her. But that’s not what he said. Would he leave her behind if the mission had been something he wanted to help with?

“I would have taken you with, if I went.” He squeezed her shoulder and she wondered if she was that transparent or if he could simply read her mind. ���It’s you and me versus the world. Have been since the moment I found some crazy woman who twisted her ankle and her crazy dog facing off against the world all alone.”

“We were not crazy.” She protested, a laugh slipping from her as the reassurance washed over her.

“You’re right- Trust clearly was sane. You were the crazy one.”

She leaned back and laughed, full and hearty. That was it- everything was fixed between them once again. Clint laughed with her, his arm tightening around her waist as he leaned into her, keeping her close.

“Trust is pretty sane.” She managed between giggles.

“He’s the only one.” Clint answered, leaning down and capturing her lips in his.

Her arms wrapped around his neck as she pulled him close. His weight settled, pushing into the couch and bunching the old cushion. They connected in a way they hadn’t since the night that should have been his and his wife’s anniversary.

Nails raked through his hair, scratching lightly down his neck as his fingers gripped her waist, somehow working under the fabric of her shirt. Lips caressed her jaw then made their way down her neck. The scratch of stubble lingered as his hand inched higher.

This is what they needed. This is what she needed. “I need you.” He whispered into her neck and she did not doubt of his need.

She tugged and pulled at his shirt. Despite her best efforts, it bunched around his shoulders. Changing tactics, she let her fingers explore the familiar planes of his abdomen and chest before slipping around his back and taking in every twitch of muscle as he held himself over her.

Finally he sat up and she followed him, peppering his chest with light kisses as he removed his shirt only to be interrupted as he slipped her shirt up and over her head, discarding it to the side with his.

Large hands cupped her breasts through the fabric of her bra as she set to work on his buckle. Desire made her hands shake as she tore it free. Would she ever not want him this way?

He stood, slipping his pants and boxers both down in a smooth motion. Leaning over her, he unbuttoned her jeans and yanked them free from her legs. As he covered her newly naked body with his, neither paid any mind to the sound of the quinjet taking off from the field.

~~~~~<3

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