#I mean I did play with them but they were my sister's lol not mine

[repurposedmeatlocker]

I might get hate for this but I really don’t gaf about the new Barbie movie coming out.

[tunaababee]

we will be everything we say - a feysand friends-to-lovers AU 💖

masterlist // fic playlist // read on AO3 // overall rating: e // wc this chapter: 2.3k // updates Mondays (aest)

Feyre Archeron has been best friends with Rhysand Sterling ever since she moved onto the same street when they were kids - the two became absolutely joined at the hip, with nothing able to come between them.

As they get older, life gets more complicated and things get harder. Not everything comes as naturally as it once did. People change, things happen, friends... drift.

But after drifting apart, maybe life can push them back together again, in time.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

welcome to my very first feysand longfic! this fic is planned to be eight chapters long. while the fic is rated e overall as smut will eventually happen (spoilers i guess lol), this chapter is as clean as it gets haha.

i hope you all like it! as always, big props to my beta reader @climbthemountain2020 who is forever and always my favourite cheerleader!!!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Chapter 1: five and six

The sunlight beat down warmly against the soft, plasticky material that covered the entire expanse of the playground. Kids yelling and chatting, scraping knees, throwing balls and playing with toys. Parents murmuring and chuckling amongst themselves, reading books or watching intently. It was a beautiful day for a Sunday in the town of Prythian and it seemed that nobody was going to let it go to waste. The flowers and shrubs that surrounded the edges of the playground were on full display, spring in full bloom around them.

Little Feyre Archeron had mixed feelings about these days. She did love them sometimes, sure - the sun was very nice against her skin, and the flowers around them were very beautiful. The bright and sunny day did make the colours of the playground look bright and enticing... But at the same time, she very much preferred to fill in her colouring book to her heart’s content inside. Feyre didn’t have to worry about losing her favourite crayon colours or pencils in there, nor did she have to share them with anybody but her sisters if they were at home. Nesta and Elain didn’t even really use them that much - it worked out great! However, Feyre did love any excuse for her father to take her and her sisters out for the day, especially when it meant ice cream afterwards. So she sat at a picnic table, a fierce intensity in her little frown, as she tried to make the prettiest Princess Ariel anybody in this playground had ever seen. Elain was busy playing shop with Nesta underneath one of the play structures, Nesta making sure that nobody was trying to cut her younger sister an unfair deal or push her around while their dad kept Nesta in check about being too mean to any of the other kids.

Feyre barely paid attention to her sisters, let alone any of the other kids on the playground. She was going to create a masterpiece.

That is, until, a slight shadow was cast along the bottom of her colouring page, shading Ariel’s feet and preventing Feyre from seeing it properly.

“Hey!” She grumbled, turning around before meeting the gaze of a little boy with a mess of black, slightly curly hair atop his head and deep blue eyes. He was slightly taller, slightly older, but not by much. “Your shadow is getting in the way of my Ariel picture.”

“Oh. Sorry.” He stared down at his feet a little, shuffling to the side and out of the way of Feyre’s colouring book. “Um. Can I sit here too?”

“If you want. But you can’t colour in on this page, this one’s mine! My sister Nesta already coloured another page of mine and it was very rude.” Feyre huffed slightly at the memory before returning attention to her page.

“That’s okay.” He shuffled onto the bench, sitting right up next to her and watching intently with a little amazement in his eyes. “Wow, you’re really good at colouring. It’s all in the lines and everything!”

Feyre couldn’t help but feel a large sense of pride swell in her chest at that - nobody ever paid attention to how much care she put into her colouring in. It was her favourite thing to do, and she wanted to draw pictures just as pretty as the ones she would colour in when she got older. She gave the boy a big, toothy grin.

“Thank you! I’m almost done, I just need to finish her shoes. You can colour the next one with me if you want. You just need to be careful with the crayons, they’re my special ones.” She looked back down at her page with the same intensity as before, but with a little more excitement about her as she scrambled to finish the picture so she could partake in the next with her new buddy.

“I will, I promise! My name is Rhysand, but I like to be called Rhys. I’m six!” He held his little hand out with enthusiasm, his skin a warm golden brown and a face full of hope. “Maybe we can be friends!”

Feyre paused a moment, taking care to place her colouring implements delicately on the page before taking his hand and shaking it up and down furiously. Just like all the serious grown-ups do, right? “My name’s Feyre, I’m five so I’m nearly as big as you. I’d really like to be friends with you - I haven’t been here very long, so I don’t know anybody else yet. My mommy and daddy said we had to come here for daddy’s work.”

She let go of his hand to put the last touches on Ariel’s shoes, taking a triumphant look at it before turning the page. A stark black and white depiction of Aladdin and Princess Jasmine - him in his normal outfit and Jasmine in her princess outfit, of course. Rhys let out a little gasp of excitement, searching excitedly through Feyre’s crayons before pulling out a purple one. “Oh, Aladdin is my favourite! He looks just like me!”

“Aladdin is pretty cool. I think Jasmine’s clothes are sooooo pretty, and she even gets to have a pet tiger! She’s really brave.”

They both set to colouring in, Feyre taking her time and trying her best to impress her new friend even further with her awesome colouring skills. Rhys wasn’t as great at staying in the lines as her, but that was okay. They were having fun together, and Feyre felt a little less alone than she had when they had first arrived at the park. She loved Elain and Nesta, but they always stuck together and it could make her feel a little left out. But Rhys? Rhys was her friend. She hoped they could stick together just like her sisters did, too.

The two chattered away incessantly as they coloured, even moving to do their own little drawings all around Aladdin and Jasmine and trying to make a silly story out of the whole thing. Rhys said that he knew a lot of kids, but not many of them really talked to or played with him very much. His dad was really busy, but his mom always did her best to make him feel special. They went out together a lot, and it was always the favourite part of his day. Feyre told him how her sisters were 7 and 8 years old and they always thought she was a bit too little to play a lot of their games with her, which was SO unfair because she’s a big kid too! She talked of how her dad liked to treat them to ice cream after their park adventures, and how her mom never, ever really liked taking them and always seemed to be a bit cranky, but that was okay. We can’t be happy all the time - she knew that from when she couldn’t get her drawings to look just like how she wanted them to or when her and her sisters were playing Barbies and it wasn’t going how Feyre thought it should. Why can’t her Barbie have cool superpowers AND live in the dreamhouse?

It definitely made Feyre feel more than justified when Rhys wholeheartedly agreed with her.

Soon enough though, the peak sunlight of the day had started to wane a little, beginning to hide behind the few clouds that decided to rear their heads in the sky. Her dad began to walk over to her, Nesta and Elain holding each of his hands. Nesta, unsurprisingly, looked a bit cross while Elain was jumping for joy.

“Feyre, honey, it’s time for us to go so we can get some ice cream. Come on, pack up your book and your crayons so we can take them home.”

Feyre pouted furiously at her father, bottom lip getting slightly wobbly as she crossed her arms.

“But I don’t wanna go yet! I wanna stay with my friend!”

“Your friend might have to go home soon, too. We should let him get back to his parents.” Her father looked exhausted, already tired of this fight and wanting to simply take them back into their regular routine.

“I don’t wanna! He won’t have anyone else to play with!”

“Feyre, honey-”

“Rhys? Rhys, baby, where’d you go?” A woman with hair as pitch black as Rhysand’s came walking over with a smile across her face as her son waved at her from the other side of the park. There was no way this could be anybody but his mother, and she seemed so kind and warm in her demeanour right from the start.

“Mama! I made a new friend! This is Feyre!” He went bounding over to her without a second thought, babbling excitedly to her about everything they had talked about earlier. His mother had kneeled down to be eye level with him, before turning her gaze on Feyre with that same warm smile.

“Really? Well, it’s lovely to meet you Feyre.”

“...N-Nice to meet you.” She was a little shy around grown-ups she didn’t know, but if it was Rhys’ mother, Feyre could will herself to be brave. Feyre’s dad waved at Rhys’ mother, reaching a hand out to make introductions.

“Hey there. I’m Gerald, Feyre’s dad.”

“Rebecca, I’m Rhysand’s mom. Nice to meet you.”

Feyre’s dad gave her a polite, if not slightly strained, smile before trying to urge Feyre to come with him despite his full hands and her open defiance.

“Come on Feyre, if you don’t use your listening ears, we won’t get any ice cream.”

“But can’t Rhys come? He’s my friend! He should get ice cream too!” Feyre pointed at her friend with a stubbornness that ran through the Archeron women that wouldn’t be diluted, even in childhood. Rebecca couldn’t help but look at Feyre with a softness in her eyes, glad that her son was finally starting to make friends.

“We don’t get to choose that for him, baby. Come on-”

“Oh, I think we might have some time to go for ice cream. What do you think, Rhys?” She grabbed Rhys’ hand as he pumped a little fist in the air, Feyre beaming at him before she took that free hand with gusto.

Feyre’s dad mouthed a ‘thank you’ at Rebecca, her giving a wave in a universal indication of ‘no problem’. The group of six took up the entirety of the pathway, the two parents hanging back a little bit to chat whilst the four rambunctious kids led the way. Rhys led the charge, knowing the way to the ice cream parlour like the back of his hand while he and Feyre swung their hands together between them. The two avoided cracks in the pavement, nearly falling over each other several times, but the air was filled with laughter and probably the most talking Feyre had ever done since they had moved to Prythian in the first place. After a few careful reminders not to cross the road without their adults, to look both ways and to not be silly as they crossed the few stretches of road that laid between them and the ice cream parlour, they arrived at their destination. The minute they were inside, Feyre practically pressed her face against the glass of the service counter to look at all the flavours they had.

“What flavour are you gonna get?” Rhys mumbled to her, staring with just as much want and hunger in his eyes at the gallons of ice cream before them.

“Choc mint. That one’s my favourite. What about you?”

“Choc mint is okay, but I like boysenberry the most. It even has all the cool swirlies in it!” He pointed excitedly through the glass, Feyre making a small face.

“Mm. That’s a good choice. It’s really pretty.” Feyre pulled away from the glass to lightly tap at her father’s arm, relaying her order as Rhys did the same with his mom before they all sat down at the biggest booth they had available.

“Since you two walked to the ice cream parlour with us, are you just parked here or do you live nearby?” Gerald asked Rebecca, the kids too busy waiting impatiently for their orders to be delivered to their table to pay attention to what they were talking about.

“We’re not too far from here, just a block or two over on Orion Avenue.”

“Ah, same street as us then.” Feyre’s ears perked up at that.

“Oh, you’re the ones who moved into number 31 then? We’re a few doors down at 25.” Rebecca mussed up Rhys’ hair with a grin, pressing a kiss to the top of his head as the two ever-excitable children looked at each other.

“You’re at number 31! That means we’re almost neighbours! We can play all the time!”

“I can show you all my cool toys!”

“I can show you all my toys too! This is so awesome! Mama, can I go play at Feyre’s one day?” Rhys’ little face was full of wonder as he looked up at his mother, practically pleading with her.

“One day, yeah! But her parents have to say yes, too. I think after we have our ice cream we’ve all had enough adventure for one day, though.”

As if she had spoken it into existence, the heaped cups of ice cream were placed in front of everyone and they didn’t hesitate to dig in.

After ice cream, the group proceeded to walk home together in the reddened rays of a setting sun on a beautiful afternoon, the two fast friends holding hands the whole way home. Before they had to go their separate ways though, Feyre and Rhys shared a tight hug.

“You’re my best friend now, so we have to play together all the time, okay?” Feyre whispered to him, like it was a secret just for the two of them.

“Okay! I’ll see you later, Feyre!”

Rhys and Feyre waved at each other before walking into their homes, not knowing that in that moment they’d found a soft place to land in one another for years to come.

[pimento-playing-hopscotch]

Seven Sentence Sunday

Thank you for the tag, @honeybee-taskforce @welcometololaland 💝

(Yes I'm aware this is more of a so much more than seven sentences Sunday but I couldn't decide where to cut this lol)

cw; blood

This is from the next chapter of my TK and Sophie fic -

2011 -

“Don’t listen to him,” Sophie said as soon as their dad was out of earshot. “It’s so not a big deal”.

TK fiddled with his ear anxiously. “It’s a hell of a thing to do for the jackass who stole your money and ruined your birthday, Soph”.

“You didn’t ruin my birthday,” his sister shrugged. “When we were on the roof, you woke up. If you hadn’t… well, that would have ruined it”.

“Still”. TK sighed, sidestepping that entirely in favor of saving his self-loathing for later. “I don’t want you to get in trouble on my behalf. I love you for doing that,” he added. “But… you getting into trouble isn’t going to get me out of trouble. And it won’t get me home any faster”.

“I know that, stupid,” Sophie rolled her eyes, keeping to herself the not-so-itsy-bitsy part of her that did hope if she reclaimed her spot as the Bad Child, then they would let TK come home early. “But I can’t listen to people say shit about you that isn’t true”.

“They’re gonna say it anyway,” TK told her. “I was hearing it when I was still there. And I don’t want your hands to look like that because of me,” he said as he looked at her heavily bandaged knuckles.

“These?” Sophie snorted as she looked down at her hand. “I don’t even need these. They’re just cause Dad overreacted”.

“Not true, first of all,” Owen said as he rejoined them.  “Second of all, this happened when your sister was in class”.

“Daddy, you think you’re making too big a thing of this?” Sophie asked. “I mean, you were young once. Probably. At some point”.

“I don’t think it’s possible to make too big a thing of this, Sophie Soph,” Owen replied. “And I did things as a kid. But they weren’t mash-your-knuckles-on-someone-else’s-until-they-bleed… things”.

“Bloody knuckles?” TK guessed. “Soph, you were playing bloody knuckles in class?”

“How do you know what that is, TK?” Owen asked.

TK nibbled on his lip. “I may have… dabbled in it once or twice after school”.

“Told you it wasn’t just me”. Sophie preened. “Besides, it’s Ms. Christensen’s own stupid fault. She said she wasn’t going to put all the stupid kids in one group anymore when we worked on vocab words, because we don’t get anything done”.

“You aren’t stupid, Soph,” TK and Owen said in stereo.

“But she put me and Carter in the same group anyway,” Sophie continued, undeterred. “And Micah and Spencer were writing out definitions and Carter asked if I wanted to play bloody knuckles, what was I supposed to say?”

“I really think a simple no would have been good,” Owen answered.

“Did you win?” TK asked.

“TK!” Owen admonished.

“I did”. His sister happily nodded. He flinched first. And his knuckles started bleeding way before mine did”.

“Soph, I think that’s a game where there are no winners,” Owen told her.  

No pressure tagging - I tag @sznofthesticks @anewkindofme @carlos-in-glasses @kiankiwi

@lemonlyman-dotcom @heartstringsduet @actualalligator @chaotictarlos

@liminalmemories21 @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @literateowl @terramous

@nancygillianmvp @chicgeekgirl89 @firstprince-history-huh @reyestrandd

@paperstorm @bonheur-cafe @carlos-tk @herefortarlos

@alrightbuckaroo @snowviolettwhite @the-flaming-nightmare @lochnesswriter

@fallout-mars @vineofroses @theghostofashton @goodways

@eclectic-sassycoweyes @ladytessa74 @lightningboltreader @freneticfloetry

@jesuisici33 @mikibwrites @doublel27 @basilsunrise

@rmd-writes @celeritas2997 @safeaswrites @decafdino

@thebumblecee @sugdenlovesdingle @birdclowns @welcomehometk

@tellmegoodbye @mooshkat @tailoredshirt @thisbuildinghasfeelings and anyone else who wants to do it - open tag 🫶

[callsign-relic]

wow!! thank you for writing such a comprehensive response- i love hearing other peoples opinions about things, it's always fascinating to see what people pick up from the same piece of media!!

i agree with a TON of your points, even if they didnt detract from my personal enjoyment of the movie shfjdbdj (i. genuinely could not stop talking for about 4 hours after watching it ;-;)

i especially agree about the fast pacing and the way B and Elita didn't do much in the story; the same can be said for a lot of the other non-main characters, which is somewhat understandable because the movie is framed as being focused on Orion and D-16's relationship and the destruction of, but still!! As a Jazz and Soundwave enjoyer I was. both delighted and dying. I want to see more of the High Guard/Decepticons! What little we saw of them was... compelling, but I would have LOVED if they dug into that more. The reveal of the High Guard sorta came out of nowhere for me (especially the fact that they ALSO saw Sentinel's betrayal???????)

Like you said, if this were a show it would have given more time for emotions (and concepts!) to feel more impactful and- with what they did with the characterisation in the short amount of screentime each character had?? I WANT THAT SHOW. I want to know MORE about the world and the characters!!!!! Also Shockwave was a whiny little bitch in this and I love him.

I actually think that D-16's turn to anger and violence was pretty well foreshadowed and played out nicely in terms of seeing how his views got turned around, but I also EXTREMELY agree that his constant anger gave the climax less of a punch. Again: pacing TuT!!!

I'm actually planning to watch the movie again, but for the opposite reason LMAO. I feel like I got TOO hyped and now I want to go back and dissect the movie now I'm calmer 😂 Evidently I am. still pretty excited, considering the length of this ask which im cutting off now because you can't put a readmore on these oh my god AHHH

- init

Ahhh ofc! It means a lot that you wanted to hear my thoughts!!!

Omg the brainrot hit you hard HAHAHA. My sister and I were talking about the movie the entire way home!!

I agree about this tbh! The movie was indeed focused on Orion and D’s relationship, so it makes sense that that was the main focal point. I just wish the other characters had a little more time to shine since they were there anyway you know? And about the High Guard, right!!! They came out of literally nowhere HAHA. Literally jumped out and kidnapped the main crew. We needed to learn more about them to truly understand their impact and role! Oh and little sidenote, the fact that D choked Starscream so hard his voice box started glitching was such a good detail.

And YES right! Honestly feel like this should have been a show. Of course that would’ve meant slightly lower quality animation and score and everything, but from what we saw from the movie the writing could’ve saved it from that. I really just wish we had more time to get to know the story more in full.

Yeah, pacing!! And actually I do agree with you there, we do see his dedication to Sentinel well beforehand, I do agree that the buildup and foreshadowing was great. It was just— his anger felt like a punch in the face. On its own, would be great. But the fist never pulled away from my face, and kinda just. Stayed there smushing my face. And they’re like “does it hurt??” By the end and im like “yeah I mean you punched me in the face ofc it’s gonna hurt. But you could’ve pulled back, gained more momentum, and punched me again”.

Hopefully that metaphor makes sense LOL

And YEAHH REWATCH!! And pls be assured I don’t mind the lengths of your asks at all! I love hearing your thoughts and really appreciate that you want to hear mine! It’s a fun discussion :D

[im-notbean]

Punz x Soccerplayer! Male!Reader

Summary; Your cousin Karl Jacobs invites you to be his plus one at twitch con, let's just say your day got better after you lost your game.

TW; Use of real names, reader had ADHD, reader is tall, Dream get's bullied a lot, reader is V E R Y flirtatious, swearing, kissing (lol), kinda gets ✨spicy✨ at the end, harassment, homophobia, let me know if theirs more!

THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION- I don't want my work posted anywhere but where it is at.

Key;

Y/F/N; Your favorite number

Y/N; Your Name

Y/L/N; Your last name

Y/H/C; Your hair color

Y/H/L; Your hair length

Y/E/C; Your eye color

Y/T/N; Your team name

NO matter how much you told your cousin Karl that you wouldn't be able to be their on time, he somehow got you to go to Twitchcon. So of course he told his friends who never even herd of you before, which is very unnatural you played forward. They would recognize you based on looks rather than name.

So that's how you ended up losing your game by 1 goal, which pissed you and your coach off, you were team captain and one of your best team leaders, and players for that matter. Being in the top 5 teams, ranked 3 currently, means that all of you teammates cared about the sport to go professional. But today, you guys played like shit to say the least.

Currently you were getting swarmed by fan girls who tried to get you to notice them, you signed a boy's jersey who got his sister or friend to back off that had your number on it, Y/F/N, honestly you liked people like that. Rather than the player they care about the game, and have favorites obviously, but still.

You called your cousin after you got in your Uber, you and him liked these calls it always cheered you up. Maybe it was because you both had ADHD or had similar taste or that you were close in age. Honestly you guys didn't know, you and Karl has always just clicked.

"Karl." "Yes Y/N?" "Help." "Why?" "We lost, and played like shit." "It can't be that bad-" "We lost to the 6th ranked team Karl Jacobs. It's bad." "Oh...well shit then- CLAY SHUT THE FUCK UP IT'S MY MALE COUSIN." "One. WHO THE FUCK. NAMES THEIR CHILD CLAY! Two. Who's Clay?" "Ask his parents, he's a friend of mine Y/N" "Tell him he is named after a minecraft block." "CLAY! HE SAYS YOUR NAMED AFTER A MINECRAFT BLOCK! YEAH? WHAT YOU GONNA DO THEIR 6'4!!" "I am 6'5 actually." "I MENT 6'5!!" "Put Harden Clay on the phone" "Nicknames so soon...make him laugh and then call him a tea kettle." "Understood."

You heard rustling from the other end of your phone, you arrived ar your hotel and took your bag out going into your room on the 6th floor. Putting your phone on speaker as a new voice was put on the phone.

"KARL WHAT THE FUCK." "Danm Hardened Clay don't dish my cousin like that. Very rude ya' know." "Hold up. You single?" "Yes. But I don't wanna date someone who is named 'Clay'" "Just call me Dream." "Ok looking you up now. I get to do more burring if you're faceless that's nice." "Blurring? Do you not like you're face or something?" "Yep. Sheesh I forgot about how much I work out...dang these abbs don't lie." "Ok...I wanna see now." "Put it on facetime Nimrod" "Geez ok. ACK KARL WHAT THE HELL!" "Tell my cousin he needs to chill out" "Karl...your cousin wants you to chill out. Geez fine yeah I won't tell anyone." "So...you want to see my abbs or not man?" "Yeah- Sorry zoned out, ADHD" "I feel you man...not in that way of course-" "You just made it weird, oh well I'mma pull up facetime now."

You sighed, the face came up on the screen with a smile. His brown fluffy hair with his emerald eyes and a slight stubble on his chin. Oh yeah, did we mention that you are a flaming homosexual? Because you are. Anyway, you turned the camera the other way towards the mirror you had in the hotel room. You turned on the light, giving Dream a better look at your abbs.

"Damnnn...how often do you work out?" "Every day, except game days." "Game days? Karl what do you mean...he's who?" "Your dumb as fuck." "What? How?" "Google Y/T/N forward Y/F/N." "Okay...Oh fuck I am dumb...how did I not realize you were Y/N Y/L/N." "Because your really fucking dumb." "Karl asked if your going to Twitch con, says your his plus one." "Yeah I am, your smart in this shit. What do I wear?" "Probably a tee-shirt and pants" "Great advice. Give my cousin his phone back." "Why?" "Because I need to know where to tell my uber to go for this...place?" "The event?" "Yup."

༺ T I M E S K I P ༻

You stepped out off the Uber and located Karl and some of his other friends. You toward over most of them except for one, Ranboo. You didn't know him that well, but you two instantly became best friends. You also met Dream, who you very often bullied through out the night. But out of everyone you met, their was one person who you fell head over heals for. Punz. You asked Sapnap about him.

"Hey Sap." "Yeah, what's up Y/N?" "Who exactly is that?" "That's Luke, also known as Punz." "He's kinda...cute"

You were sober with a cup of alcohol in your hand. You sipped at your cup absentmindedly as you looked at Punz face immediately becoming dusted with red. He was talking to Dream and obviously you had to bully him some more. You started walking over to him and slaped Dream in the back of the head.

"Someone who is as dumb as you should not be talking to most pretty boy in the room, Dream." "Oh...WAIT WHAT?" "You heard me idiot. Your amount of dumbness will rub off on him. He's to pretty to be dumb." "I'm right here-" "I'm saving you. Trust me." "Damn, hey I'll take it." "Punz really?!" "What? According to him I am the most pretty boy in the room, and who wouldn't take that as a compliment." "Your outnumbered Dream~" "Ugh, Y/N you don't even know Punz." "I know his name and that he's hot. That's all I need to know really." "That's gay." "I am gay though-" "What the fuck." "Dream. I have been flirting with Punz the entire time. I made it plainly obvious that I was gay." "I am really am that dumb." "Yeah yeah, shoo bitch." "Fine. Nice chating with you Punz."

Dream started to walk away from you two and you swung your arm around Punz's shoulders and started laughing. Punz was also trying to not laugh but he obviously was failing. You moved your arm off Punz and the two off you started talking and drinking more and more, this went on for an hour or so. You both were drunk by this point and decided to go to Punz's room, since it was closer, obviously. Once you two drunkenly walked into Punz's room you started talking again, but this time it was much more... heated. And I mean much much more heated.

"No no no, 'cause *hic* I've had girls like grope my *hic* ass before. And I'm s-standing their, all sweaty and shit 'cause I just like finshed a game *hic* and I'm all like I guess were doing this now and my teammates *hic* they know I'm gay and stuff and they just *hic* push me along as I move away the girls hand from my ass. But she gripped it even tighter and now this bitch's nails are diggin into my skin so *hic* my teammate gets security and she now has a retraining order." "Damn, *hic* that mudt suck balls for her." "Eh I guess, but I didn't really give a fuck *hic* as long as she's away from me and shit." "Hm, has anyone told you that you're really fuck'n hot." "Why you wanna know eh? *Hic* You think I'm hot shit innit." "I do." "Wanna make out." "I'm down" "...m'kay"

You moved so you were in top of Punz, you looked for any sign of discomfort to which you saw none. You tipped Punz's head up and slowly moved your lips to his and you kissed Punz. Punz threw his hands around your neck and pulled you closer to him and you grabbed his waist and set him on you lap, Punz groaned into the kiss and started tugging at your shirt trying to rip it off you. You broke the kiss to say something to Punz.

"Want- my shirt off?" "Please." "Pull it off yourself." "Wha-" "You heard me bitch. You wanna see me with my shirt off take it off yourself." "Uh- okay..."

Puns started to undo the buttons on your shirt and wasn't getting very far, his hands were sweaty and shaking. He managed to get the first button before you got fed up from waiting and placed your hands up his hoodie tracing his nipples. Punz's breath hitched at the contact and groaned again placing his head in the crook of your neck.

"Hurry the fuck up." "I'm t-trying- fuck don't do that *groans* t-to give me a minute." "Good boys don't keep me waiting, your a good boy eh?" "Y-Yeah." "Then Hurry." "Yes- *moans* s-sir." "Oh~ call me that more often" "Y-yes sir"

༺ T H E N E X T D A Y ༻

You woke up in Punz's hotel room with just your boxers on and while cuddling Punz, his neck and chest was littered with with hickies and he only had on shorts and boxers. Your head was pounding, how much exactly did you have to drink last night...oh whatever. You moved to get out of the bed but an arn was thrown around your waist stopping you from doing so.

"Don't leave....warm." "Luke, Darling I need to go." "Whyyyyy." "Because I gotta go home." "But why." "Because my teammates will be wondering why it's taking me so long to get ready." You reached for your phone, thank god your powered it off before you left. "I say fuck them." "Like how I did to you last night?" "More harder than yeah." "Are you wanting me to go again?" "Nah, I'm fine just...stay please." "I'm only going to LA, I should be fine Luke." "Fineee." "Just give me your number." "Alright it's xxx-xxx-xxx" "Thanks."

You quickly texted your teammates that you weren't at your hotel and were Ubering over. They all swarmed your door went you finally got their and stared at your collar bone and neck. You finally said that yes you did have a hook up and yes you knew the person and yes you did have their number, they finally left you alone. You quickly changed and packed you bags and brushed your teeth. And you meet up with your team downstairs. You would be riding with one of the least accepting of your sexuality. Zach. This motherfucker was big on regularly tormenting ypu with "It was Addam and EVE. Not Addam and STEVE." Thanks for being an asshole I guess. You and Zach places your bags in the trunk of the car and got in the backseat and Zach sat down next to you. You decided to ignore him until he said something about Punz.

"Y'know I bet whoever that fuck you hooked up was ugly. Probably fat as hell." "Dude what the fuck. You don't even know them, don't make accusations you can't prove." "Then who you texting eh?" "Your dad. So I can fuck him 'cause we all know he definitely ain't straight." "My dad is 100% a heterosexual." "How do you know?" "Cause he's with my mom." "But whatif he's bisexual? Or pansexual? Or Omisexual-" "Don't go spreading false information about people! Especially people you don't know." "But that's what you to me, it's only fair innit." "Fuck you." "Nice talking to you to."

You arrived at the airport and met up with some of your closer teammates, your phone dinged in your pocket so you picked it up and it came up with an unknown number that said...

xxx-xxx-xxxx

-Missing you already :(

You- Luke??

-ye

You- alr

You- miss ya too darling

-its actually so boring here ://

You- damn tf u want me to do 🧍

-idk

SAVED CONTACT AS "Luke🩷"

Luke🩷- Y/N respond to meeeeee

You- i was adding u as a contact chill your tits-

Luke🩷- what is it :D

You- *Sent an Screenshot*

Luke🩷- 🤭

You- im about to board da plane

Luke🩷- noooo dont leave meeee

You- I bought the damn plane wifi on the way here, what makes u think im not gonna do it on the way back :|

Luke🩷- dunno

Luke🩷- im just dumb like dat

You- ur not dumb luke

You- u can suck a cock pretty good 😉

Luke🩷- thats gay

You- no really?

Luke🩷- 🥲

You- please dont cry- im sowry :((

Luke🩷- Y/N wtf

Luke🩷- "sowry"

You- i feel attacked rn

You- alr i actually gott go

Luke🩷- damn talk to u soon babe

Luke🩷- luv ya ❤️

You- love you to darling ❤️

-------------------------------------------------------

AGHHFJSHSBAB IM DONE IVE BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOR MONTHS JESUS CHRIST 😭😭😭😭

yall want a part 2 (cuz i do lol)

[nattinatalia]

Clay Harlow x Reader Instagram AU

Surprise to my Clay girlies 🤪🤭 I did this one for y’all 🫶🏻

Liked by cozane, nemoachida, jackharlow, and 6,677,356 others

claybornharlow I love her 🤭😍🤪

View all 1,200 comments

yourusername CLAYBORN!!!!

yourusername No, no & no

yourusername Why would you do me like this 😢😭

claybornharlow My baby’s so pretty that’s why

yourusername Oh don’t you sweet talk me mister! Just watch, payback is a bitch and she called.

jackharlow 💀💀💀

bestie1 Lmaooo ohhhh she’s going to beat you up.

bestie2 omgggg hahahahaa little baby 🤭

bestie2 & ummm you better hide little brother, I may or may not have invited her over for dinner.

claybornharlow 😱 IM NOT GOING THEN

jackharlow mom said you better be here or else.

druski2funnny Damn pulled the mom card

Liked by claybornharlow, urbanwyatt, bestie2, and 7,677,345 others

yourusername The pic I send him, the one he sends me. See if I were a mean girlfriend, I would’ve posted all the embarrassing ones I’ve taken of him, but since I’m such a wonderful loving girlfriend, I’ll save them for when he really pisses me off 🤭🤭🤭

View all 1,300 comments

urbanwyatt Should’ve posted them if you ask me

claybornharlow good thing she didn’t ask you then

yourusername Baby leave Urby alone, he’s right I should’ve posted them.

urbanwyatt 🤪🤪🤪🙊🙊🙊

claybornharlow @ bestie1 come get your annoying man

bestie1 LMAAO more like I’ll cum for my man 🤪

urbanwyatt 😋😋😋

yourusername GO AWAY. BE NASTY UNDER YOUR PICTURES 💀

@ claybornharlow added to his story

@ yourusername added to her story

•

Liked you jackharlow, bestie2, urbanwyatt, and 8,567,345 others

claybornharlow 😍😍😍 my babyyy

View all 1,600 comments

jackharlow You’re just asking for it at this point 💀

yourusername He really is 🙄

bestie1 Why you doing her like this? 😭😭

claybornharlow I’m not doing anything wrong other than showing off my girlfriend 😍

yourusername 🤨 I’m going to remember this!!!!!! All those videos and pictures I have of you from our recent trip.

claybornharlow baby noooo pls

yourusername Or the video Urban and I took after you met Fergie !!!

urbanwyatt Ohhh ohhh I forgot about that one lmaooooo let’s post it

claybornharlow NO PLEASE DONT

jackharlow Wait what happened

bestie1 Is it the one where he says he thinks he came or shit in his pants after meeting her?

yourusername 🙈 🙊

claybornharlow NO

urbanwyatt  definitely that

bestie2 LMAAAOOOO SEND IT

claybornharlow @ bestie2 you’re my sister in law you’re supposed to be on my side, why are you asking for the video? I’m telling my brother on you

jackharlow She’s asking for me lol I want to see it too

yourusername I’ll send it in the group chat

claybornharlow BABYYYYY 🥺

yourusername suck my toes or something because there’s no way out of me not sending that video to everyone 😈

jackharlow 🤮 ight I’m out

bestie2 lmao same ✌🏼

bestie1 💀 🦶🏼

claybornharlow 👀 come here then

yourusername Ew, I was joking 🙃

Liked by urbanwyatt, jackharlow, cozane, nemoachida, bestie1, and 7,667,355 others

yourusername It’s international boyfriends Day 🥺 & I wanted to show off mines. I would’ve posted all the embarrassing ones but I’m playing nice. Ilyyyyy babyyyy, thank you for bumping into me and laying my ass out, it’s been such an amazing journey.

View all 1,900 comments

claybornharlow Well now I feel bad for posting those other pictures of you

yourusername You better 😏 lol jk

claybornharlow I love you baby 🥺😘

yourusername Ilyyyyy

jackharlow 💜

bestie2 no babies anytime soon though pls

jackharlow I second this ⬆️

claybornharlow Na your kids are enough for us to be safe lmao

jackharlow HEEEYYYY NOW 😟

yourusername 😬 he said it not me

bestie1 Caption is too cute - yes even the part where he knocked you off your feet.

yourusername 😭😭😭😭

claybornharlow You guys do know it was an accident right? Like I didn’t push her on purpose 😞

urbanwyatt na you tackled her down

claybornharlow lmao no I didn’t

druski2funnny damn you pushed her and she’s in love with you

yourusername LMAAO STOPPP. It really was an accident though.

claybornharlow @ druski2funnny GO STIR THE POT ELSEWHERE!!!!

druski2funnny Now you know damn well I stir the pot with everyone. You’re not safe from it. Get used to it

yourusername 😂😂😂😂 🫡🤝🏼

claybornharlow that’s your pay back huh babe? Having him be annoying and instigating

yourusername Idk what you’re talking about 😇😊

druski2funnny 😈😈😈😈

TAG LIST

@heavyhitterheaux 💕

@harlowsbby 💕

@arination99 💕

@cmalass 💕

@jackharloww 💕

@minkookie95 💕

@deannaard 💕

[wanderingpages]

‧͙⁺˚･༓☾Gentle Sins AU☽༓･˚⁺‧͙

“Are you going to help me take my clothes off too?” I meant it to sound teasing – I wanted to show him I could play his game too – but I was breathless, I was buzzing with anticipation.

“You know it wouldn’t end there, Jude,” he gave me a wry look. “It's a shame,” he rose and ruffled my hair, “It's a shame you’re my sister,” he murmured, needlessly reminding me. “Because that was some damn fine pussy, baby.”

TFOTA // All Human // AU : Jude and Cardan do things step-siblings shouldn't do.

Trigger Warnings: Crude language, Allusions to Drugs/Alcohol, Debauching Catholicism/Religious Metaphors, Taboo Sex.

@headcannonxgalore, for being super open minded and cheering me on lol

Jude's POV

I invited my roommate, Vivienne, to come with me to the party. She’s as old as Cardan but her leap year turned to three years instead, so she’s a freshman just like me.

“You got invited? How?” she gasps. Still, she waits for no response, already sorting through her clothes. She rakes her fingers through her short blonde hair as she pulls out different outfits, holding them against her tall lanky figure, then squinting an eye and holding it out to me. My breasts would spill out of anything she owns, so I let her know I do actually own clothes sexy enough to attend a party. 

Vivian shrugs, and sits on the floor cross legged. “I mean, would it really be that bad to show some tits here and there?”

I stick my tongue out at her, and show her the slinky dress that I have, in a sage green that makes my eyes look more hazel than they actually are. It looks like a two-piece, like a thick bandeau and a high waisted body con skirt, but it’s connected together at one side. “I used to sneak out of the house pretty late,” I reveal to her. “Sneakers though – had to climb up to my roof to get back into my bedroom.” We share a look, Vivienne, pulls her lips between her teeth, and we last all but two seconds before we both burst into laughter picturing my ascent to my window. Madoc was a strict father in places it counted, I guess. Usually, he’d be okay with what I did as long as my grades were better than average, but he always drew the line at curfew.

“Well, you can’t wear those runners,” she points to the old and decrepit looking pair of Adidas I used for track. I guess I liked it enough in high school to pursue it here, too. It only counted as one credit despite the pain I put my body through more than three times a week, but it was the only thing that I could do without Cardan ruining it somehow. When I’m running, I’m focusing on breathing and not dying. My thoughts are far away from my stepbrother kissing me. “Here,” Vivienne says, crawling towards her bed braced against the wall opposite mine. She pulls out very pristine looking white Air Force 1s and gives them to me. I'm surprised she trusts me enough with them but I take them gratefully. “Of course, only if I get to wear that gold necklace you got last week.” I think it’s a fair trade. I'm putting on mascara when she brings up the topic again, “You never did tell me how you got an invite.”

“My…brother,” I test the word out. It’s so foreign, it tastes rancid in my mouth. When I say it again, in front of the lookout guy at the door of the frat house, he gives me a once over, albeit more slowly than I think it should have been, pausing by the curve of my hips and practically salivating by my breasts. 

“Cardan Greenbriar?” He asks, for the umpteenth time within a minute. He has a baseball cap on and when he takes it off to fix his copper red curls, he adds on, “Your brother?” he leans against the rail of the steps we’re all currently standing on. I'm two steps below him, as if his build wasn’t imposing enough, he’s much taller than he should be at the moment.

To the side of us,Vivienne tilts her head, a confused expression etched onto her face. I was hoping she wouldn’t question it – and she hadn't when I told her earlier. “I guess, I did think Cardan was an only child.”

“My stepbrother,” I grit out. Cardan had told me to give them his name, but apparently, I’m not the only one who claims to know him. Maybe this had been his form of torture. Let me embarrass myself in front of his friends and roommates. He’ll laugh about it later, with them. “That girl? Never met her.” I let out a sigh, and maybe the lookout takes pity on me, because he smiles all foxlike and places an arm over my shoulder. I hate how it feels, more than when Cardan does it, except, I don’t really think I ever minded when Cardan’s done it.

“Alright sweet thing,” this guy tells me and I want to punt kick him in the balls for it. I reach for Vivienne, grabbing her hand when he seems to be leading me inside. It’s a lot brighter than I expected a frat party to be but the massive amounts of people in here makes up for it. Red solo cups everywhere I look, and scattered around are empty Jell-o shot containers, too. It smells like beer and weed, though I know the athletes here take their bodies very seriously, so when this guy still holding me under his arm, pauses our gait to take a hit from someone, I know he’s not one of them. The music is more bass than anything else, I can hardly hear myself think, but maybe that’s not a bad thing tonight. “Can I get you a drink?” my new companion asks me.

“I’m driving,” I lie. Vivienne and I walked here. Like hell I'm trusting anything from his hands.

He looks towards my roommate, same question in his raised brow. She opens the bag that hangs across her shoulder and shows him a bedazzled flask. “Already on a buzz,” she also lies. She hasn’t pulled that thing out all night. I’m sure it’s empty.

“I’m Locke, by the way,” he tells us, no he tells me. I try to shake his arm off but he’s like iron resting on my shoulders. He turns us towards an arching passageway, the living room, I guess, and I spot Cardan, on the couch. His chin is resting on the shoulder of the girl in his lap. She has pretty hair that seems to shift from blue to green depending on the lighting. She’s all limbs and legs, amber colored skin and a model-like stature – not at all like Taryn who was the last person I’d seen Cardan with. He glances towards us and Locke says, “Little miss, here, says she’s your sister?”

Someone snorts, “That’s a new one.” I frown and start to feel embarrassed. My fingers flex nervously, so I wring them together, aware when his dark eyes follow the movement. He’s going to dismiss me, the thought occurs. He’s going to bully me like he said only he was allowed to.

He tilts his head and I don’t know if it tickles her or if she’s laughing at my expense when the blue haired girl begins to giggle. She has a cropped top on, and I only notice because the entirety of Cardan’s hand span across her stomach, the edge of his pointer finger is teasing at the hem of the shirt. I can’t look away from that hand, thinking about it around his mother’s bridesmaid’s neck, maybe around Taryn’s neck too, my neck and every other girl I’ve seen him with. I take a deep breath and it feels like everyone notices; everyone can tell I want that hand on my hips, everyone can tell I’m imagining him holding on to me, at my mercy, while my hand wraps around his neck. I want him to say my name, “Jude,” like a prayer, begging – for what? Me to stop or keep going? I blink when I realize he had said my name. Just more drawled out, like my little cousin, Oak, likes to do. “Juuuuude.”

“Yeah,” Cardan continues, high or drunk, but not sober. He gives me a look that makes me think I had played my cards wrong in calling him my brother tonight. Still, how would the other option have looked with his current position? He’s already confused me enough as it was; I didn’t want to add other people into the mix. “My baby sister,” he coos in jest, making me feel uneasy. “Come here,” he tells me, and despite myself, I gladly pull away from under Locke and tug Vivienne with me. I rub at my skin where it still feels like there’s a weight over me. Cardan holds out a hand and without thinking I take it. He pulls me down next to him, keeping his other hand steady on the girl. I almost topple but manage to turn at the right moment, so my butt lands on the seat. Vivienne had let go of my hand. I’m caught off guard when she decides to walk past me, patting my shoulder while she calls out, “Heather? Is that you?”

“You’re just in time for a game,” Cardan teases me, resting his cheek on the girl’s shoulder now so he can look at me. He squeezes my fingers and I wiggle them free of his grasp. He takes me in, never quite seeing me like this. At the wedding it was all soft makeup and tied up hair. Today, there’s glitter on my eyelids, sharp wings accentuating the shape of my eyes, a gold glimmer on my cheeks that catches in the light, and lips so red that he holds his gaze there for a moment too long. The girl tilts her head to look at me, too, to give me a much quicker perusal than Locke had done at the door.

Her eyes narrow. “You don’t look alike,” she comments.

“Do we have to, Nicasia?” is the non-answer Cardan gives instead of letting me tell them we aren’t related. He waves his hand in dismissal, and someone decides on the game we’re playing. It’s a drinking game, but my driving excuse still upholds, so the gamemaster passes me a bottle of water instead. I’m so aware of Cardan’s eyes on us as our fingers brush. I ignore him and look up instead, catching mirth in pretty hazel eyes only partially obscured by sandy blonde hair. He’s lean and tall and I think he’s aware how handsome he is too.

“Thanks,” I tell him, smiling, because I think he’s cute and I don’t feel the weight of the world in the pit of my stomach when he smiles back.

Somehow, as the game progressed, I had moved closer to Cardan, because I don’t remember his thighs touching mine before. Nicasia had moved to sit on the floor, between Cardan’s legs, opting to rest her cheek on him this time. I take a few sips here and there but it’s when someone says, “Never have I ever kissed someone in this room,” do I hesitate. I don’t know anyone here but Cardan, and they all know that. Cardan leans back, shifting to brace slightly on the arm of the couch. He takes a big gulp, and people laugh at that. It doesn’t seem like it, but I know he’s waiting for me.

I take a sip of the water, a foreboding feeling passing over me, thinking back at the reception. We did a little more than kissing that night. His fingers traced over parts of me even the sun hadn’t yet touched. Thunder had masked cries I couldn’t hold back and lightning had made him look like a luminous god. I cross my legs, embarrassed and something more.

“Wait…” Locke is the only one who’s realized something. I can see gears turning in his head. “Jude, who do you know here – besides your brother.” He says the word like a taunt. Even Nicasia twists her head to look at me with inquisitive eyes.

I’m so startled that I hardly move. I force my limbs to relax and my stature to resume a normal state, and then, I think I’ve found a way out. “Vivienne,” I smile and nod my head to the girl everyone’s seen me walk in with. She is technically in the room, though standing near a mantle talking to someone named Liliver who I know from a class or two. My roommate whips her head at me when she hears her name. My eyes widen at her, trying to convey my situation silently. Not missing a beat, she kisses her fingers then blows it my way before returning to her conversation. Next to me, Cardan is chuckling silently.

It’s around an hour later when I feel like I’m aimlessly wandering around the house. I lost Vivienne, I lost Cardan, and I even lost Locke. The lights have been dimmed sometime earlier, and green and red strobe lights scatter around like neon stars. The music has gotten better, the crowd more relaxed and talkative. I talk with a few faces I recognize until I feel tired.

I take a seat on the staircase, resting my elbows on the steps above me. I lean back, staring up at the ceiling, counting the shifting lights until my eyes cross. I feel someone take a seat next to me and I lazily turn my head to my new acquaintance. It’s the gamemaster – Ghost, as others had called him. He smiles and it impresses the butterflies within me. It's pleasant, I think again, not unnerving like it is with Cardan. “Can I sit?” I raise my brows, as if to tell him he’s already sitting and his lip twitches. “Right. I’m Ghost, by the way.”

He holds his hand out. “Jude,” I tell him, shaking his hand with a laugh.

“Trust me, everyone knows.” My confusion must be evident because he explains, “You’re Greenbriar’s sister.”

“Stepsister,” I breathe out from my cheeks, annoyed that everyone leaves that part out.

He nods his head, “Sure. Can I get you a drink?” This time, I say yes and wait for him to leave and come back with a red cup. I take a sip, and it's so sweet, I can’t even taste the alcohol. A very dangerous drink to have at a frat party. But I drink it a few more times. We chat idly about classes and plans after the semester. I’m not too sure if he’s actually listening to anything I’m saying, but it’s fine , because his words are just a soft buzz in my ears.

I lean closer to him, touching our shoulders. Then, I ask what I think he wants to hear. “Do you want to come upstairs with me?” he smiles, grabbing my cup and placing it on the banister. He gets up first and takes hold of my hands. I find myself giggling, even when he kisses me in the hallway. I can’t help but laugh into his lips, can’t help it when he nips at my neck, then kisses at the sting, and then he’s shutting me up when he squeezes at the pointed tips of my breasts through the cotton of my shirt. My bra is all  lace, so I feel everything he does to me through the thin fabric. It’s different from that night with Cardan, and the way he touched me. He was doing everything in his power back then, to hurt me so deliciously. Ghost is teasing and soft, but so efficient. Still, when heat pools between my legs, I can’t help but wonder if it’s because of who I’m thinking about or if it’s because Ghost knows how to work my body better than I was expecting.

“Ah,” I breathe, holding on to his neck. His hand squeezes my breasts, lips skimming over mine, sharing my breath, my lust, my feverish desire for more. He kisses me again, tongue delving into my mouth, caressing mine, swallowing my moans. We stumble into an open room, and he walks me backwards. I’m unsure if the door is locked behind us but I don’t quite care much. We trip and fall, and he’s on top of me, hand holding the back of my head but otherwise indifferent, unbothered, licking and biting me down my chin, my neck, my shoulder. He pushes at the top of my dress, guiding my bra up as well. My breasts feel relief when he licks and squeezes them.

“Ghost!” my knees hike up and he settles between my legs, bunching my skirt up. My back arches, and my eyes roll. I twist my head, my hand holding on to his tresses, holding him down when he sucks on my nipple. I cry out when his teeth sink into me, and when my eyes shoot open, I say “Oh fuck!” Ghost is unaware of my turmoil, unaware that I see my stepbrother is upright in a bed, sitting crossway, leaning against the wall. The little light casting into the room from the window, shows me he’s not alone. Nicasia is kneeling on the bed beside him, her lips encasing his hard cock. My mouth parts ready to tell Ghost, but nothing escapes me except for another guttural moan. Cardan shifts and leans back on his elbow, still having a perfect view of me, but now giving Nicasia space to twist her head to look at me, too. The blue haired girl gives me a wink as she licks from the base all the way up. Her hand around him strokes slowly and her tongue flicks against the tip. His hand is between her legs, up her skirt from behind, no doubt fingering her with the way his wrist moves.

“Ahh,” I cry out again when I unconsciously move my hip upward, my throbbing clit making contact with Ghost’s pelvis. My stomach tightens and feels almost unbearable.

Ghost lifts his head and I could cry at the loss of contact. “Don’t stop,” I beg in a breath, “Please…please…” he smiles lazily at me, reaching up for a kiss as his hand moves between my thighs and over my panties. “Don’t stop,” I repeat in a daze, to Ghost, to Nicasia, to Cardan – I don’t know.

Ghost’s breath is by my ears, and he whispers, “Sweet little Jude.” His finger works harder and faster until he delves into the cotton and slowly bathes my pussy in my own wetness. “Do you want them to watch,” he asks me and I grip him tightly when a finger enters me. How long had he known, I wonder, that we weren’t alone in this room. “Do you want your brother to watch me taste your come?” His soft words are for just him and I. I hear Cardan groan, hear Nicasia whimper. My cheeks flare red – annoyed, horny.

“Yes…” I whimper when he removes his finger and licks it. I want him to know, want Cardan to know, since the last time we’ve kissed, I’ve learned a thing or two.

“Say ‘please,’ Jude, and make it as sweet as your tight little cunt.” I’m practically convulsing beneath him.

“Please, Ghost,” I manage, breath catching, “Pretty please,” I mumble. I hear deep breathing, I don’t know who it’s from, but it's seeping into my skin, short-circuiting my brain.

Ghost tilts my head to the side, towards Cardan and Nicasia. “Are you watching?” he whispers. I am. I watch her throat him deep, watch him push her skirt all the way up, watch as he grabs her ass tightly, then gives it rough smack. My body jumps on contact. Ghost tugs my underwear down, lifts a leg then the other, then discards it somewhere behind him.

“Christ,” Cardan mutters. His hand is on Nicasia’s head, holding her hair back, guiding her bobbing head up and down. His eyes are lidded but I know he’s watching me. He grins when I scream, when my knees lift and only the tips of my toes touch the ground, when Ghost has his tongue lapping at my flesh. He loops an arm around my thigh, pressing me down by a hip. His other hand reaches down, beyond me and into his jeans. He must have got them undone because I feel him starting to pump himself.  His nose touches my clit, rubbing against it painfully softly. My knees shake and it hurts to breathe. He licks me like there’s a prize inside of me, tongue probing into me, the rough pad increasing the friction everywhere he mouths. He eats me out like how he kisses me. Deep and tantalizing.

“Ah – ah! Cardan!” I hear Nicasia scream. I hear how wet she is, how fast he’s fingering her. She’s making these whimpering noises and I feel it right where Ghost is sucking on me, teasing my clit between his teeth. My stomach clenches, I think I’m so close that my vision starts to shake. Gray spots dance across my eyes. I grip Ghost’s hair, lifting my hips to grind myself onto his tongue. He chuckles at my enthusiasm and the vibrations are what tip me over the edge. He pulls away and my legs clamp shut, body turning to the side as if to hold all the shutters in. I cry out, at how intense my orgasm is, how it overtakes my entire body.

My chest is heaving by the time it’s all over, and I turn to my back, shaking and spent. I watch through tired eyes as Ghost strokes his dick, thumbing the head almost harshly. He hisses and breathes deep.

“Open your mouth,” It’s Cardan who says it. To me. Nicasia is laying on his lap now, face covered in his come. I was so taken with my own orgasm, I missed his.

I open my mouth slowly, like he asked, and turn back to Ghost like an invitation. He moves until his knees bracket my chest and I hold on to his thighs, just to feel if he’s real, because for just a split second, it felt like a hazy dream. I lift up on my elbows, sticking my tongue out for him. He strokes faster, shooting his come into my mouth. I don’t swallow, I let it sit in my mouth until the spurts slow into a trickle, then I take him between my lips and suck at the rest of it. His hand flies to my hair, tight against my scalp, “Fuck, Jude,” he moans, going lax.

“Such a good girl,” I hear Nicasia whisper.

←Prev Part ∞ Next Part →

Masterlist

Gentle Sins Masterlist

[cherrygorilla]

Ethan's Basic Info

Name: Ethan Dombrowski

Ok, I both did and didn't struggle with coming up with potential faceclaims for Ethan. I had no idea where to even start with looking for faceclaims for him for specific decades - I just don't think that I have that broad of a knowledge of actors lol. So, instead, I've split it into actors who I think capture more of how I imagine his physical appearance to be (Heath Ledger & Johnny Depp - both mostly for the hair, let's be real haha), and actors who I think could really capture the lovably chaotic vibe he brings to the table (Matthew Lillard & Milo Manheim). Unconventional - but then again, so is he, so I think it works lmao.

Nicknames: As much as he loves to dish nicknames out to other people, he's never really been given one himself. I mean, his parents didn't even think to give him a middle name - expecting them to be creative enough to come up with a nickname was a bit of a stretch. He would get called his surname in school quite a bit (mostly if he was getting in trouble), but other than that he usually just gets 'Ethan'. If anything, I think his abundance of nicknames for others is just making up for the lack of his own. I like to think he's just waiting for the right person to come along and drop one on him though hehe.

Age: 20

Date of Birth: 4th of April (which is very helpful for him, because 4.4.44 is a ridiculously easy birthday for his pea-sized brain to remember)

Zodiac: Aries

Birthstone: Diamond

Nationality: American and Polish

Sexuality: He doesn't care about labels - he'll sleep with anyone that breathes in his direction...within reason lmao

Birthplace: A rusty trailer home in Tallahassee, Florida

Current Residence: A slightly less rusty trailer home in St Petersburg, Florida

Occupation: Production Assistant and Sound Engineer in the TV & film industry, and the entertainment coordinator for a local bar. He's also (according to Mick) a professional idiot.

Talents/Skills: Playing the guitar, flipping beer mats, putting together flat-pack furniture (because he's the monkey they apparently wrote the instructions for - Miles' words, not mine), doing god-awful impressions, giving inanimate objects personalities, and, despite his deep-rooted clumsiness, he's pretty good on a skateboard.

Birth Order: Youngest of two

Siblings: His older sister, Billie (27)

Parents: Dominik Alfred Dombrowski (deceased) & Nadia Ruth Dombrowski

New Family: Hendrix, his rescue dog, and the closest thing he thinks he'll ever get to a stable family unit. He says he's a black lab for ease, but he only looks like a black lab if you squint and tilt your head; in reality, he's a mutt that the rescue shelter couldn't even pin down to any particular breed - that's part of what made Ethan so drawn to him though: they're both as misunderstood in the world as each other. In terms of human family though, his aunt (Janis) and uncle (Ford) took him in after everything went to shit with his parents - and although he doesn't see much of them anymore, it's comforting to know that he does have some sort of a real support system to count on if he were to need it.

Signature:

Height: 5' 7'' (so many of the actors I picked as his faceclaims are tall, so I tried to make it work for a while, but I just couldn't - he's just got such chaotic little-shit/confident short-king energy in my mind lmao)

Eye Colour: Brown

Hair Colour: Brown

Glasses or contact lenses: He probably needs glasses, but he doesn't care enough to go get an eye test

Distinguishing features: Dimples, a burn scar on his right thumb from messing around with a lighter, a scar on his left wrist he usually hides with a bunch of bracelets/wrist bands, and a lot of really dumb tattoos.

Mannerisms: He's always fidgeting - like always. It doesn't matter if it's with a paper straw wrapper, the end of one of his many wristbands, or the piece of skin next to his nail - he'll even bounce his leg if it comes down to it; he just always needs to be moving in some capacity. He's pretty intense with holding eye contact in conversations too (despite them being half-closed 90% of the time) - and the concept of personal space is totally lost on him.

Health: Mild insomnia and depression. His drug habits also aren't the healthiest, but it's not like he's gonna go to get himself checked out; what he doesn't know can't hurt him.

Hobbies: Playing the guitar (what he spends the majority of his free time doing), walking Hendrix, making terrible decisions, dragging Miles into those terrible decisions (either to join in, or get him out of trouble), napping anywhere and everywhere, collecting cool lighters, smoking weed, getting spontaneous tattoos, thrifting bizarre items of clothing, eating Mexican food, and losing himself in an album for 45 minutes. and annoying the shit out of Mick

Greatest flaw (in their opinion): Probably his lack of drive. Whilst how laidback and carefree he is about life can be a great thing most of the time, it does make him feel kind of empty sometimes not having a goal to reach, or some kind of direction he wants to take his life in. Yeah, it makes life a lot less stressful just living it day to day - not having any responsibilities, or commitments to obsess over - but without any sense of ambition it can start to feel a little…pointless, I guess. 

Best quality (in their opinion): His ability to find the fun in any situation. He was dealt a pretty shitty hand in life, but he's never let it get him down. Sure, he may not always cope with it in the healthiest way, but he is coping - thriving, in fact. He floats through life without a care in the world, and will happily toss a pool noodle to anyone that needs one so they can join him. He's optimistic, and authentic, and downright stupid sometimes, but it's those qualities that help people see the bright side in hopeless situations; he draws the fun to the surface, and helps you focus on the simple joys life has to offer, without letting the weight of your troubles drag you down.

Biggest fear: Clowns are his big one - and always the answer if anyone asks. But if he's being totally honest (which is almost never when it comes to serious stuff like this), then it's ending up like his parents. He has a handful of fond memories of his family growing up - his older sister probably has more since she was around for more of the good years - but his unplanned arrival stretched the family's already tight budget razor thin, and it didn't take long for things to go to shit as a result. His dad never had a particularly strong resolve (something he's paranoid about having inherited), and so when things got hard, his already established relationship with drugs became less casual, and more heavily reliant. When the tamer stuff didn't cut it anymore, he turned to the harder stuff, and when the harder stuff stopped helping him feel better - he stopped feeling anything at all. Ethan's mom took her husband's accidental overdose hard, but she found being a single mother even harder. And whilst Ethan knew she was struggling, he's still struggling to forgive her for shutting down on her kids in the way she did. Yeah, fine, lose your job and sleep on the couch all day, ignore your children for days on end - whatever you needed to do to get by - but go out to get your latest fix and go down for 15 years for manslaughter? …That's asking a lot. Like it was mentioned earlier, with his parents out of the picture, his aunt and uncle took him and his sister in, and whilst they might not be the greatest role models themselves in terms of addictive vices, they at least showed him how to open his mind in a safe, supervised environment. Yes, numbing his brain to keep out the bad thoughts is an unhealthy coping mechanism, but it's also beautifully freeing - and there's a lot of fun to be had if you know what's safe and what kind of high you're looking for (which, thanks to his aunt's guidance, he always does). He has a great set of friends keeping him on the straight and narrow now, and his lawyer sister clearly turned her equally shitty hand in life around, but that nagging paranoia about screwing his life up like his old folks did still haunts his thoughts in the wee hours of the morning when he can't get his brain to fall asleep… But that's way too deep and depressing, so he'll stick with clowns - or Miles telling him he's found a new best friend 😢

Hogwarts House: Gryffindor (it was between that or Hufflepuff, but I think he's too recklesss and overbearing to be a Hufflepuff haha)

Favourite Ice Cream Flavour: Cookies 'n Cream

Favourite Colour: Green - but he can be very easily swayed; he thinks they're all fun

Favourite Number: 420 babyyyyy 😎🍃🔥💨🤪💯

Favourite Movie: Wayne's World or the live action Scooby Doo - but his Wet Side Story universe pick would be A Bucket of Blood

Favourite Songs: Ok, this is a really tough category for him, because he has a very deep appreciation for a very broad spectrum of music genres. But, a (slightly) narrowed down list would probably look something like: Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, Creep by Radiohead, Enter Sandman by Metallica, Hotel California by the Eagles, Vienna by Billy Joel, Does Your Mother Know by ABBA, Happy Together by The Turtles, Life Is A Highway by Rascal Flatts, Fight For Your Right by the Beastie Boys, The Muppet Show theme song & Hurricane by Bridgit Mendler

A place they want to visit: Niagara Falls - purely because he wants a souvenir t-shirt

[aggravatedanarchy]

Fav childhood memory? (Idk if I've asked you this generally yet)

I don't think you have, no? Not that I recall anyway, so if you did, prepare for a completely different answer potentially lol

Honestly I kinda have to sit here and really think for this one. That's A Little Sad, perhaps. Hm. (Mostly because I'm taking Childhood be mean like ages 3?-13ish, but also just for a lack of them- either generally or on account of my inability to actively recall things. Or just outright not remembering them because Memory Issues.)

While I'm sitting here struggling to recall something more specific, I will say I generally enjoyed getting to go to fairs and things with my family (usually my grandparents, but I think I remember going with my dad and my mom- separately- once or twice) when I was younger. We used to go to this one annual autumn one regularly, and always more towards the night- I loved the lights and general vibe, even if I wasn't super big into most of the rides. I enjoyed getting to do bumper cars with my sister, or seeing the city from the top of the ferris wheel. There was one year that my sister talked me into going on a rollercoaster- it was fun! But she was terrified next to me the whole while, and it wasn't like I understood that you couldn't really flag down the attendants to stop the ride and let her off, you know? So I had been trying to do that the whole while, to no avail, naturally.

In a similar vein to the fair, we used to go regularly to this thing they do in New Orleans- Christmas Under the Oaks? I think they renamed it a couple years back to be more inclusive of other winter holidays, but my grandparents (mom's side) are Stubborn in their age, so I have no idea what it was renamed to. I really enjoyed getting to do that as well- still would, really. I never got to go on the train; that's something I would've liked, I think. It's not in the time frame I've set for myself, but one year when we went there was a machine set up that you could go in to experience "hurricane force winds" and me, my sister, and one of our mutual friends all piled in there to see if we could handle it. I was chill the entire time- actually quite enjoyed myself- but they ended up screaming a fair bit, if memory serves. It was pretty fun- people outside the tube were watching me just stand there stone faced with arms crossed while they clung onto me.

Hm...

I really am having a hard time recalling something specific, wow.

I can't remember it well, but I know I had a Warrior Cats themed birthday party once that my grandmother on my dad's side went all out for- she like, printed out pictures of fanart she found and made magnets and stuff for me, and we had games that we played. She didn't really understand what the series was about, so it was mostly just kind of generally cat themed, but it was nice. She went and bought like cat collars with bells for all the gift bags and I actually wore mine for a while- I kinda wonder where my stuff from that went... Probably lost it to a flood, somewhere down the line- or just generally moving around like I used to back then.

I might not really remember it, but I know I must've had fun. I remember being thankful, watching her prepare for it, that someone would go through that kind of effort for me.

[livelaughlovesubs]

so you know how people say dreams have meaning?? My dream last night was basically there was me and this kid who I think was mine and I was teaching her basic stuff when she got taken away and put in this 1900s mental asylum?? and there were all these brain tests and stuff there when all of the sudden she got possessed but like 65 percent possessed. I mean she was still there, but she didn’t know she was possessed exactly and just saw things (btw whoever I’m talking about I’m in their POV like I see what they see and feel what they feel it’s weird) and so we cut out for a minute of the asylum and then now I’m back in my body and I’m at my grandparents house (??) and we are eating pasta, I think it was bow tie, when my grandpa yawns and opens his mouth, and continues eating. after like 5 minutes though, he goes over to the garbage can and vomits the pasta out while speaking in this weird ass language and then he stops and looks at my grandma before going: “did you hear that?!” before vomiting forcefully again (I felt all of this btw I could feel myself force vomiting) and then me maybe realizes that he also just got possessed sort of. Cut back to the asylum and my kid has grown up a bit (looks like she’s 14 maybe) and then it’s release day when they gather 4-10 kids and ask them a question that determines if they can leave. my kid may have gotten picked idrk when all the kids are making Christmas decorations and stuff while other are playing baseball in these small room things (idfk) when all the other kids and staff leave besides my kid and one staff member who looks a lot like my sister and it’s this whole thing when that staff member is trying to kill my kid bcs she knows she’s possessed or something and then it cuts off again and it’s a jack in the box drive through (💀💀) and it’s me, my sister, and my dad and we get stuff before driving home when my sister asks: “so how was preschool? did you see Liam there? (Liam was this one kid who’s an older brother of my sisters friend and I barely remember him) and then I say “no, we went to different preschools” and then I woke up help 😭😭

-🫧

The way I gasped when I saw this lol I read the first sentence and thought you were going to explain to me how dreams work, but anyway, why were they all possessed? Nobody knows. Why is your brain showing you these images? We also don’t know 👍

That’s oddly detailed though, like you even know what exactly they were eating

[aroaceofthesea]

Anyways a bit of a recap of my life these last few weeks bc its crazy how much stuff ive done what do you mean its only the 14th of july it feels like summer should be ending soon and ive been very inactive on here:

Starting with sant joan lol (aka 24th of june) some friends came over and we hadnt really seen each other in a couple years (like yes but not really really like it was always super awkward but it was super cool this time😋😋)

Then the next day when they left one of my best friends came home too :) he was at the town next to mine and we spent the afternoon together :)

Then we did diving classes with my mom and also some family friends im now an open water diver that was pretty random ngl

Then after like. 2 days. chilling with just my mom (my sister was like 100% of the day every day with some friends that were around) some friends from a summer camp i did last year came over😋😋

They spent like 4 days i loved every day ngl we played cards a lot we went to the beach we did so many things how did we have time to play mao so much thats crazy lol (also so many crazy rules @ ppl that i know irl i have so many great rules to add when we play again weve gotta do iit)

When they left it was sad :( but i had no time to mope bc i had exactly 15 minutes at home so i kust took a shower and then went with another friend to canet rock (catalan music festival) it was super coool :) had the opportunity to see oques grasses live again♠️🪿 (though they didnt play bancals😭😭 one of my fave songs ever)(they have too many epic songs to play them all they need an extra hour at least ngl) anyways it was crazy loved almost all of it (not miki nuñez why did they put that guy in there) and yeah it was super cool

Then i went home arrived at like 9:15 am and proceeded to sleep almost 25h until 10 am the next day im told i missed a sushi lunch with family friends :(

The next day some friends were like who avalon :) so ofc i was like meee (usually during summer im not in the city but i was that say so ofc i was like i gotta go) (just so you gt an idea i couldnt talk like at all like half my sentences were whispered bc i had lost my voice at the festival and that game is like. you gotta talk or why are you playing lol) anyways luckily they guy i had gone with to the festival was also there and also couldnt talk so at least i wasnt alone😅😅

Then i was going back home and on the way home i met one of my only remaining childhood friends lol she went with me to elementary school (or idk what you call it until 6th grade whatever) and plays the trumpet with me and we spend a lot of the summer together and it was nice to see her she had also gone to that festival (its a very very popular festival and ppl my age could go basically for free so a lot of ppl went) and also had no voice lol but it was nice to see her

Then with my parents we went and had a pizza :)

Then i spent the week in barcelona (were talking about this week already) and tuesday a friend came over bc hes from outside but had a play in barcelona like every night that week (he plays the trombone hes reaaally good) so we spent the mornings together and then the afternoons he went there (i wish i could go they were playing with fucking dagoll dagom (catalan company that made famous musicals in catalan like mar i cel and they are closing the company this year😢😢) like hoow i wanna go😭😭)

Then friday i went to my summer home and there were my mom and also that friends brother and father lol so anyway weve spent the weekend together and it was rlly fun

And also like i was looking for cool concerts around here this summer bc festa major concerts are just 🔝🔝 you get to see your fave groups for free and like even if they are pretty popular when it isnt in a big town or a very well connected one maybe you have 100 or 200 ppl to very known bands like its crazy anyway i was checking (using the very efficient method of looking where each concert of each group was and putting it on google maps) and i was getting kinda depressed bc there werent any of the bands i like most and then i was like ok whatever lets check buhos AND THERE WAS ONE YESTERDAY (THE DAY I WAS LOOKING) AT LIKE 20 MINS so obviously we went and like even though i was basically alone (bc the guy i was with is like 14 and he knew some friends that were also close and went too so he spent most of the time with them and i didnt have any friends close) it was a buhos concert so obviously it was super cool also rlly cool bc they are like one of the only bands i like that didnt play at the festival from last week so rlly cool that ive gone to concerts of all my fave bands in just a week i love this (also i was like. 3 meters away from where the tahirt they threw fell😭😭 i wanted a buhos supporter tshirt thats sad)

OH ALSO yesterday too we went to the beach and we played volleyball with random ppl and it had been a whilr since we did that bc they usually see my sister who is very good and they are intimidated but my sister wasnt there so ppl kept coming and asking us to play (we have a net which is like telling ppl pls comee if youre less than like 7 or 8 ppl) and it was rlly fun (even though that one guy was very very annoying but the rest were rlly nice lol)

So yeah now you know basically everything about my life the last 3 weeks

[tarnishedxknight]

{out of dalmasca} (Continued from this post.)

Mantis-mun asked me about my writing process! Answers to question below the cut. =)

How did you pick names for your characters?

I don't have a single way of naming my characters, and in fact, it has happened in many different ways over the years, depending on who the characters are, their culture, and/or what roles they play in the story. And sometimes it's just me pulling things out of thin air or making associations that have nothing to do with the character at all, haha. I'll pick some examples that are all very different to give you an idea. I actually have a lot to say about this, so... I'm so sorry, haha.

Channe started "life" as a D&D character, actually, and then grew into the overall queen/matron character of one of my most developed fictional worlds. Simultaneously running D&D games in her world while also writing the main book and short stories helped me to develop so many aspects of it simultaneously, but I digress. Back when I made her in 2005, I was trying to put together this game for my friends and was sitting with my computer watching a movie while I worked out the details. And... Channe was the name of one of the characters in the movie I was watching. It was actually her nickname, short for Charlotte Anne. At the time I was like, whatever, I need a placeholder for now and then I'll change it later. So I used Channe for her as I was writing... and by the time I'd written everything up about her... it stuck. That was the name she wanted and she wouldn't let me change it, haha.

As I developed Channe's race over the years (she's High Elven but then also half an original race of mine called the Ulaeri) and their language along with it (I made a dictionary, grammar rules, etc.), they had certain naming conventions that helped me to pick names for the characters. For example, twins often have repeating letters in their names. Channe is a twin, and her sister's name was Sienne. I had another set of Ulaeri twins named Miennan and Arienne. Repeating letters and the -enne or -ienne ending were very common for naming Ulaeri twins as it was derived from the word di'ienne meaning "doubled." Of course all of this is straight out of nothing, I made it all up, heh, but in developing their language, naming conventions came along with that.

Another convention for the Ulaeri is that they don't use "the second" or "junior" for naming people after their parents, but instead they say "son of" or "daughter of." For example, Channe's adopted daughter's name was Riemn'alan. Her biological mother's name was Riemn, which means "treasure," and 'alan means "daughter of," so her name means "daughter of treasure." So once I'd worked out the language, names like that were easy to figure out and ascribe meaning to.

Other instances in which I named a character for something that had nothing to do with them was actually Aryx, heh. Back in the day... like... early 2000s... I was randomly surfing the 'net and came across a cosplay or something someone did of a mage from something, I have no idea what. The guy looked so cool that I actually saved the photo because I felt inspired by it. When I went to save it, it was named only with "Aryx.jpg." I didn't know if that was the guy's name, the character he was going for, or something else, but I remember just thinking the name was really cool and I wanted to use it for something. Five books into the series Aryx is in, I created him and he just kindof was like... you know that name you liked years ago? It's mine. XD It was just this strange moment of... that's what I'd been waiting to use it for. *shrugs* Weird process, I know, lol.

Another way of naming my characters is trying to capture the energy of that character. So... Jix. He's a very tiny but energetic little dude, so I wanted something short, staccato-sounding, with a punch but also kindof light and cute. Jix just sort of happened out of me wanting that sort of name for him. Out of that then came naming conventions for leaflings, which I decided were that they were always either very short, like Jix, or very phonetically repetitive, like his sister, Ki-mi. I think I had another one named Kee-chee at some point too. I haven't made that many leaflings, honestly.

And then sometimes I choose outright words for names if the character has importance and is named by other characters to reflect that importance. For example, in the series Aryx is in, I had Raven, son of the god of corruption, the Vulture. He was a demigod, half human. Then there was Ascension, daughter of the two gods of light, the Dove and the Stag. She was entirely divine but made a common angel on earth, so her name was chosen by them in a sort of bittersweet affection. And then I named another character Zephyr, but he's a bit messier to explain what he even is, heh. I also in one of my standalone novels had a girl named Dove because she was "Ashen," which was a condition that caused someone's skin to be pure white, their eyes to be stone gray, and their hair to be either white or gray for the whole of their lives. So her parents named her that after the idea of a white Dove, something white, pure, and gentle.

Sometimes I will choose names that match a certain written aesthetic, for example... one of my standalone novels has very distinct regions in it, much like Game of Thrones. Each region had its own terrain, culture, religion, beliefs, etc. but also naming conventions. Some sounded softer and had more vowels as French, Spanish, or Italian names might have, but then others were harsher sounding with more consonants like German or some Eastern European languages, so one could almost tell where a character was from by the type of name they had because it was part of the local culture to choose those sorts of names.

And then... there are the names... that come straight out of my a$$. XD Ones that I just... literally... what the hell even is this, I'm making shit up as I go, decide upon. Example... also from Aryx's series... I made up the names Ison and Elandrian for one of my characters who was born as a human named Ison in ancient history, and then his soul was permitted reincarnation as Elandrian, a common angel and son of Ascenion that I mentioned above. His names don't mean anything, really, but the sound of them do capture the different phases of his life, at least the feel of them for me. They were literally me just playing with letters and coming up with something that seemed to match the character, but it was purely just... what felt right.

How do you disappear behind your characters?

I... don't know? Like... I'm not entirely convinced that I do, or that I always do. I'm not saying you're wrong, and I'm not trying to be modest or anything, but I know that has been something that I've really struggled with over the years, making sure my characters were not all the same. That they didn't act, sound, or look the same. That was actually a criticism that I received on that first book that I self-published, was that the characters all had the same way of acting and approaching things, and that they seemed very one-dimensional. Yes that did crush my soul, btw, haha, but I did feel like there was some merit to it. So... maybe I've gotten a little better over the years, but this is something I've struggled with.

It probably isn't as obvious on here with me rping as opposed to creating my own OCs. I mean I do have some OCs on here, but still. With canon characters, I have canon and I have the actors/actresses to draw upon. And that's HUGE for me. So a lot of the ways I stay in character or make sure that yes, these are things they would do or say, is to imagine the actor/actress saying the lines. Or to imagine them doing what I'm writing and thinking to myself... does this seem legit? Could I picture them doing this or hear them saying this? If I can't, it gets deleted. I do have concerns sometimes when I draw too much from the FCs. For example, making sure Basch is coming out like Basch and not like C.hris H.emsworth, lol... or making sure that all the L.uke G.oss muses I have seem distinct despite that many of them have his same affect when he's putting on an American accent, or his same mannerisms. So there are things that I watch for to make sure that I don't overstep and start writing OOC things.

And really, this comes from two things: 1) my perfectionism at emulating a character properly, and 2) my respect for the original creator and/or the actor's/actress' portrayal. This is not my character, so I can't write it how I want to. I can add nuance, detail, I can extrapolate from canon, I can even maybe change canon if there's something I really hate... but the main core of the character and the portrayal is not and should not be mine. I'm acting when I write, in a sense. I'm taking up the role and playing a part. That's really how I view it. So I'm not creating this character, I'm roleplaying them, and I very much am aware of that and stick to that when I decide what they say and do.

I also write what I want to read. I get very frustrated when fanfics or whatever have characters that are completely OOC. They say and do things the character never would in a million years, the writer is inserting themselves, their wants and desires, their motivations, etc. into the character and it's so obvious. I really... don't like that. And it's fine if you do want to write like that or read that kind of content, but it's just not for me. I want... more of the original character, heh. I want more content of what was already there, a continuance, a sequel, a prequel, something. For me to have that feel when I read something, the portrayal has to be spot on. It has to seem realistic and true to the original canon character. That's what I love to read, so that's what I choose to write.

As far as HOW I do it... I really have no idea. I just... really draw from FCs and really um... Well I do live with the character for a decent amount of time before I endeavor to write them. That sounded weird, haha. I don't mean live in the same house, lol, I mean live with, ruminate, mull, get inside their heads, has out their hopes, dreams, motivations, and most importantly... why am I writing them? Did they die too soon? Was their portrayal lacking? As you said with Mantis, is the character kindof a black box where we just don't know very much about them at all, or they're very quiet secretive? Did I want better for them? For me, it can't just be that I like them, or even love them. I have to have a purpose in mind for them when I write, and that helps drive the kinds of threads I write them in and the types of events I put them in. For example, I wanted better for Basch, so a lot of his threads are him working through trauma, reconciling with Noah, finding love, becoming a father, and really finding happiness and purpose beyond the wrongs he punishes himself for or simply being a soldier. So I always have that in mind when I write him.

For muses like Noah, Luther, Pietro, Vision... there was so much left undone, unsaid. So much potential gone. They died too soon, heh. So for them it's just... giving them more airtime, as it were, and time to explore more of their lives than they were permitted to have in canon. And then for someone like Nuada, I'm right there with you on the idea of fleshing out the muse, filling in the blanks, and telling more of their story that we never knew, they didn't reveal, or was never seen in canon. That's absolutely my reason for writing him along with potentially seeing his mind changed. That's a big thing for Noah as well. He and Nuada both have some very strong views that they hold to out of anger and pain that they're very stubborn about, but that ultimately they have to have shattered in order to grow as people. They need to emotionally mature a bit, to let in knowledge and ideas that conflict with their own, and to allow themselves to be educated... in order to be at peace and grow as people.

So yeah, I think it's... my goals for my muses that help drive me, but then also my own perfectionism to "correctly" and respectfully portray characters that are not my own, as well as a desire to write what I would love to read myself. All of that together helps me to disappear and the muses to really shine.

Do you use music, maybe you listen to songs that remind you of them?

Usually if I'm working on a WIP or writing a certain character or group of characters from a fandom, I will have certain songs that I associate with OCs or events, or with muses, and listening to those song can help put me in the mood to write them. I don't always have songs for everybody, and some characters have one of two while others have six or seven, but very often if I've written the character for any decent length of time, I'll have some kind of music that I associate with them.

Some, like Nuada, whom I've been writing for many years, have an extensive list of songs that I associate with them. I put some of them at the end of his bio over on my mumu. And then for some characters, I make a separate post for songs I associate with them, like I did for Basch, Ashe, and Noah here. I should actually add to that, its out of date, haha.

Once I start writing, though, the music has to go off. I'm very focused on music, so if it's on, I'll pay attention to it instead of writing, heh. So I use it to kindof get me in the mood, inside someone's head, or to help feel immersed in the world/fandom, but then I turn it off and start to write.

Do you use visual stuff as well, like aesthetics?

So I'm not sure whether you mean my own or the muses', but I'll try to answer both. A character's aesthetic is important to me and it's something I write about a lot. I will mention their clothes, their hair, the color of their eyes, or even just they way they move and carry themselves, little gestures and mannerisms. To me it helps convey their emotions and the feel of them as people, but it also creates an image in the reader's mind. I'm a very visual person. If I can't see a scene in my head, I can't write it. I get very confused if I can't track where everyone is standing, how did this person get here, why is he now wearing a jacket when before he wasn't even wearing a shirt, haha. Things like that take me out of the moment and cause me to not know what the write next. So for myself and anyone reading what I'm writing, I want to create a sense of the character as well as evoke visuals in minds as to what is happening in the story.

For my own aesthetic... this is a little embarrassing, but sometimes I do things to kindof feel connected to a character or to get myself in that mindset of, okay, today I'm writing these people. For example, tonight I'm writing FFXII people (or I should be, hahaha... I will after this and I will tomorrow too), so I'm wearing Ashe's wedding ring right now. I have a replica of it in sterling silver, which is my metal of choice for any jewelry I wear or make, and I'm wearing it on my left ring finger, stacked with a little ring that simply says "writer." I bought the "writer" ring for myself when I was really struggling with not being able to write books anymore. I thought I was losing my identity as a writer. So in teaching myself that writing is writing no matter what, that rping is real writing, that I'm still a writer, I bought myself that little ring as a reminder to myself that I'll never stop writing. =)

I had a little tradition of sorts that whenever I finished a major novel or big enough short story, that I would buy myself a ring to commemorate it. Rings are kindof my thing, heh. I wear a lot of them every day. So... for example, talking about those two books in my "writer's process" post, some of the major characters are magical healers, and some of the main themes are family, healing, and processing trauma. So when I finished the first book, I bought myself a "healing hands" ring. This is a pic from the original Etsy listing:

I'm wearing that ring right now too, because I've been thinking a lot about those books. But after my mom's death and maybe because the first book was one of her favorites, I came to associate the ring with her as well. She was a healer too, a nurse, and her hugs could take away any pain. I think of that now when I look at the ring. So sometimes I do wear things that put my mind in the right place to write certain characters or feel a certain way when writing.

What do you think readers like and dislike the most?

Oh gosh, that's impossible to answer, hahaha. There are so many different types of readers out there who read for all different reasons and who have all different interests and things they want to read. But hmm... I think as far as writing original works, readers want something that's different, new, surprising, unexpected... but also that makes them feel and that they can relate to. Complex characters, immersive worlds, situations that get them thinking and feeling.

For rping, I think they want more of their favorite characters, and they want to see them in situations they didn't get to see in canon. They want the "what-ifs" and the "almosts" and the "if they had only just made a different decision here" choices. Rping is fanfiction writing in real time, like you are watching writers going back and forth and creating the story right in front of you. I think there are a lot of readers who really enjoy not only the stories but that process of two writers coming together and playing off each other's efforts to create something together.

What readers (or viewers, for that matter, with movies) DON'T want... is to be lied to, treated like they're five or as if they don't remember things, or to have their favorite characters do things that are completely OOC as to go against everything they believe in. So... they want plot twists, not retconning. They want development of the story, not things inserted after the fact that were never mentioned before. They want shocking or unexpected character growth......... not Steve Rogers suddenly deciding to go back in time and overwriting his first love's entire life to get what he wanted.

Like... I think things like that make readers feel cheated, deceived, lied to, or otherwise just... not good. Not happy. Uncomfortable. Angry. Upset. What writers have to understand, be they of the printed/electronic word or the writers behind movies and TV shows, is that their readers/viewers aren't stupid. They pay attention. They understand the characters as well as you do. So don't cheat them. Don't do things purely for shock value or to quickly/easily wrap something up instead of putting the work it, or avoiding confrontation because it's messy and complex. Readers/viewers hate things like that, I think. I know I do. So be genuine with them. Stay true to your characters and plot.

What was the easiest and the hardest part of the process before the book was published?

The easiest part was writing the book, heh. Honestly. It flowed out of me, I enjoyed it, it was fun. The first draft was just so much fun, and even editing after the fact was fun because it was like polishing a stone. All the rough edges were shaped, cracks and holes filled in, it felt so good.

The hardest part... was polishing it to the point of it being in a publishable form. That was drudgery, it took forever, and it was hard. I was publishing in eBook format, so you have to have all your text in a certain format. Character and line spacing, page numbering, margins, font type and size, file type that you save it in, etc. So I had this book that I wrote freeform and then had to go back after the fact and reformat almost every word to fit the publisher's specifications. It just sucked the fun and life out of writing, heh. And then making all the necessary files, choosing a cover, designing it, creating it, submitting everything... and then they bounce it back with errors, so you have to fix it again, it was just..... a huge wtf.

Also just going through and really getting down to the nitty-gritty of... did I use proper grammar literally everywhere? Did I spell everything correctly? Going over it with a fine-toothed comb again and again to make sure everything is perfect. That was really hard and honestly terrible.

AND THEN I STILL MISSED ONE, AFTER ALL THAT. *epic headdesk* There's a typo in the last paragraph of the first book and the publisher wouldn't let me just... fix it. They were like oh, you'd have to unpublish the book completely, fix it, then re-publish it as a whole different book. I was like... um, why? I just need to fix one word. They were like well you can't do that because it changes the spacing and page numbers. I was like... IT'S IN THE LAST PARAGRAPH OF THE BOOK ON A PAGE THAT ISN'T EVEN FULL. IT LITERALLY WOULD CHANGE NOTHING. But nope. So. If you read the book online, the last paragraph has Tannor saying the WRONG NAME for someone. I literally. Wrote the wrong name. That's why I didn't catch it because it wasn't really a typo, it was the entire wrong name. So it sounds like he's... weirdly ogling his best friend's wife. In the last paragraph of the whole book. So that's what the readers are left with. One person even wrote that in their review like... isn't it supposed to be this? I died inside when this happened, I was so embarrassed, haha. After all that editing and proofing work... I still screwed up. Argh, heh.

[punkscowardschampions]

Sylke final & Slaggie & Sick Kids

Sylvie: [me like hmm, how are we cockblocking y’all, might have your parents drive past you and see you running with your school bag on a weekend no less, like, hello? and thus you gotta go with them because you’re clearly up to something suspect lol, so give her longer than it would take her to show up clearly and no response/no show]

Jake: What happened to you?

Sylvie: I’m sorry, my damn parents saw me

Jake: What did you say?

Sylvie: I’m not saying anything, I am mortified at their attempts to be nice about all this

Jake: Should I come over and talk to them?

Sylvie: And tell them what? We were going to leave the country

Jake: I don’t know, enough truth they’re satisfied with it without outing our entire plan

Sylvie: It’s okay, I’m just not going to make it, that’s the not okay part but I looked too suspicious, whatever I’m not saying

Jake: I didn’t buy the tickets yet, we’ll try again another time

Sylvie: I’m really sorry

Sylvie: I’m mad, again

Jake: It’s not your fault, it was my meeting spot, I should’ve picked somewhere else, nearer the airport and away from everyone we know

Sylvie: We’ll get it right next time

Jake: Lesson learned, it’ll go without a hitch

Sylvie: I feel like this was my fault

Jake: It wasn’t, and I swear I don’t blame you

Sylvie: As long as you don’t, I’ll get over the rest

Jake: We’ll plan better, make sure nothing can stop us

Sylvie: They can’t keep treating me like I’m a normal kid when we’ve found out I’m not

Jake: They haven’t caught up to us, they’re still coming from a place of wanting you to be and everything to be like it was

Sylvie: I don’t know how to deal with them being so far behind, everyone, it’s driving me insane

Jake: We won’t let it hold us back

Jake: I’ll come ‘round later, bring everything you were most looking forward to about Paris with me

Sylvie: I don’t deserve you

Sylvie: but my family absolutely doesn’t deserve [the food and drink y’all discussed] so they’re not invited

Jake: If they get a song written about them right now it’s probably not one I’ll play for them either

Sylvie: 😏

Sylvie: It would blow their minds, I think, hearing how you think of me

Jake: It blows mine how you are

Sylvie: I will have to get better at being deceptive though, note to self

Jake: You can practise by sneaking me in

Sylvie: Come on, I’m pretty good at that already

Jake: Pretty good meant we had to stop at [wherever they got to in fucking all over the house before we said they got caught/thought they were]

Sylvie: And that was your fault, I remember vividly

Jake: I don’t think so, I remember you [vividly just relive her being loud and feral, we know the vibes]

Sylvie: Yes and that was entirely down to you

Jake: [blame her back by being like I did that because you did xyz feral thing to me beforehand, we’re just having a lovely time remembering to cheer y’all since Paris was thwarted, and we love a loop to get stuck in] 

Sylvie: [do it back, obvs, like and I only did that because you were- pop off girls]

Jake: [shamelessly keep that going until y’all are literally at the start and there’s nowhere to go and nothing left to relive, we know what y’all are like]

Sylvie: You should stay

Jake: There’s no reason not to, at home everyone’s mad at me

Sylvie: Are you waiting for them to catch up too or trying to make it right?

Jake: I don’t know what to do

Sylvie: No, it’s trickier than my situation

Jake: Some of my friends are [somewhere in town he can get to from where he was], I guess I’ll hang out until my sister’s ready to pick me up, and I’ll talk to her then, but I’m running out of shit to say

Sylvie: She’ll process this break up eventually, it’s a bit rich that she’s taking more time than China herself but you know

Jake: Apparently she doesn’t like who I’m turning into, whatever that means

Sylvie: Literally, what does that mean…

Jake: Maybe she’ll calm down when we go to school, I know my mother will, she thinks that’ll solve everything

Sylvie: We can let them think that, until we leave

Sylvie: if it gets everyone off your back

Jake: When are your parents sending you back, is it still [however many days she has left of the week off she was taking for Sam gate]?

Sylvie: Yeah

Sylvie: I’ll be there for you Monday, I know it’s going to be awkward

Jake: I can’t decide if reaching out and talking to China before would make things better or worse than having to sit in [whatever lesson you have with her first] and just see her

Sylvie: I think it’ll just be as bad as it’s going to be, whatever you say or do

Sylvie: so, flip a coin almost, you know?

Jake: Yeah

Sylvie: What would you say, do you know?

Jake: Fuck you, that’s what I wanna say, but there’s no point to it

Sylvie: You’re allowed

Sylvie: sometimes people need to hear it, what they’ve done, it would allow her to level her own shit at you too

Jake: I don’t know where to start, I can’t believe she’s been with him this whole time

Sylvie: Just because you deserve a why, you may not get one, but you can try

Jake: Even less about my life makes sense if she’s not who I thought she was and it’s mixed up enough, I don’t want to hear that I was wrong

Sylvie: Yeah, I get that

Jake: I’ll ask my friends, the ones who really know her, what they think and hope they aren’t telling me what they assume I wanna hear

Sylvie: I’ll let you go so you can talk to them properly

Jake: Let me know when you’re cool to sneak me into yours

Jake: [the time that your poor sister is free to chauffeur your ass around, cos clearly any time from then, being the vibe]

Sylvie: ‘Course

Sylvie: what do you want me to do, if she talks to me?

Jake: What do you want to do?

Sylvie: Depends what she says, I suppose

Jake: I won’t force you to give my chain back if you don’t behave every second you’re wearing it, I’m not a monster

Sylvie: No, you’re not

Sylvie: and I certainly don’t intend on being perfect

Jake: It looks too good on you not to let you keep wearing it

Sylvie: I’ll only wear it Monday if you want me to

Jake: I do, and my jacket, it’ll make us both feel better about having to be at school

Sylvie: I’m going to have to give you something to remember me by in [the lessons y’all don’t have together]

Jake: You’ve got [a countdown to the time he said earlier about getting picked up] to think of your something

Sylvie: Narrowing down what you’d look good in is impossible but I’m on it

Jake: I don’t mind trying things on for you, if that’ll help

Sylvie: Here he goes, being motivational again

Jake: Being the boyfriend you deserve is important to me

Sylvie: I hate sharing you with the world, especially [the school]

Sylvie: staying in bed is always going to be the better idea

Jake: [the teacher who stopped him when he was trying to check on her the first ever time] isn’t guarding all your classes

Jake: tell me you miss me and I’ll show up

Sylvie: How wasn’t that years ago?

Sylvie: it feels like it

Jake: It explains feeling older than all my friends now I’m here

Sylvie: I feel like everyone's got infinitely more annoying since this all went down

Sylvie: How do I interact with people that aren’t you, again?

Jake: When I work it out, you’ll be first to know

Sylvie: I’m proud of you, even if I want nothing more than to monopolise your time and thoughts 

Jake: It’s really hard, but I do want you to be proud of me

Sylvie: I want to tell my parents I’m your girlfriend just so I get to say the word to someone

Jake: Tell them, you are

Sylvie: They’d be irresponsible parents if they didn’t let you stay ‘round more then, have to keep an eye

Jake: We’ll probably have to keep your bedroom door halfway open

Sylvie: That’s okay, there’s a lot that we can do only halfway visible

Jake: Loads of things

Sylvie: We’ve done more entirely exposed

Jake: You’re really good at being motivational

Sylvie: It was my turn

Sylvie: and I’m in my room so I’m thinking about when you’ll be here too

Jake: I’m thinking I should be there already

Sylvie: I miss you like crazy

Jake: The only thing keeping me vaguely sane’s that they all want to talk about you

Sylvie: Do I want to know?

Jake: It’s cool, I swear, they loved the song

Jake: I mean, they’d be dumb not to, it’s my best

Sylvie: It was perfect

Sylvie: a hard act to follow, I don’t think anyone paid attention to… whoever went on stage after you

Jake: You’re a perfect muse, I’ve never been this inspired before

Jake: I wrote half a song on the way to meet them

Sylvie: You won’t show them before me, will you

Jake: It’s for you

Sylvie: I’m for you, I don’t care what anyone says

Jake: You should be sat with me listening to what they say, it sucks you’re not

Sylvie: On Monday, I’ll be good and be social, I wanna get to know your friends better than I do

Jake: Let’s have everyone over, your friends and mine

Jake: [a day/time when your poor mother is clearly working late and won’t know about this cool kid party, it’s giving literally monday after school tbh like they need it after going back because such is the level they don’t want to and obvs he wants to get to know her friends too]

Sylvie: That’s a brilliant idea, bring everyone to us

Sylvie: everyone will be satisfied we’re trying but we can still go off to a dark corner whenever we need 

Jake: Do you want to go shopping tomorrow? I feel bad you didn’t get to before [the cool kid event]

Sylvie: With you? Obviously

Jake: Cool

Sylvie: I’ll try on anything you pick out, as a treat for tolerating the rest I also do

Jake: Anything?

Sylvie: Yes, Jake

Jake: Deal

Sylvie: Now you better concentrate on what’s being said about me

Jake: And you better find something for me to remember you by on Monday

Sylvie: I’ve already thought of what I’ll give you

Jake: Tell your parents about me instead then

Sylvie: Right this second?

Jake: While I’m concentrating, at least

Sylvie: Okay, that is fair

Sylvie: how do I make it less blatant I’ve been touching myself thinking about you?

Jake: Take a shower you can touch yourself as much as you like in, but you come out looking like nothing happened, it’s what I’d do

Sylvie: but you can’t, I’ll stop being mean and I won’t tell you anything else about my shower

Jake: That’s meaner

Sylvie: You can tell your friends I’m teasing you if you have to

Sylvie: [send him a picture of you about to get in the shower that shows you’re just wearing this chain without being a nude]

Jake: I have to tell my friends I’ve got somewhere else to be

Jake: they’ll understand, what you’ve just sent me is an album cover

Sylvie: You’ve got work to do

Jake: Not without my muse

Sylvie: I want to make art with you

Jake: I’ll make art of you

Jake: and all over you

Sylvie: I don’t want the shower to wash it away, record it

Sylvie: you only cum in me, it feels too good

Jake: The shower can’t wash away everything

Sylvie: Everyone at the gig knew, it’s so obvious

Jake: [a picture of his lovebites, as if he’s not with his friends rn, excuse him everyone]

Sylvie: Mine

Jake: Yours

Sylvie: [sending him an insta post where the thigh lovebites are peeping casually]

Jake: Mine

Sylvie: Yours

Jake: Say you miss me so I can leave

Sylvie: [voice note say it]

Jake: Stay in the shower, your parents’ll let me in

Sylvie: You’re such a nice boy, of course they will

Jake: The nicest

Sylvie: they’ll send you upstairs like I’m not waiting for you with my legs spread

Jake: They like me almost as much as you do

Sylvie: Then they’ll let me go on birth control so you can keep fucking me raw in their house

Jake: You’re not on it

Sylvie: I got the morning after pill, my auntie went for me, it’s cool

Jake: I didn’t even think, obviously you’re not, why would you be?

Sylvie: I wanna be, I’ve got it under control, you don’t need to think about it

Jake: I don’t want it to fuck you up, my sister says it does

Sylvie: There’s different kinds, right, I’ll find one that works

Jake: I’d take it for us if that was a thing but nobody has figured that out yet

Sylvie: I know, you’re sweet

Jake: It’s my responsibility too, I know that, but I’ve never needed to take any before

Sylvie: Don’t, it’s boring, I don’t want us to change

Jake: Your parents will sort it, like you said

Sylvie: An injection, a pill, whatever it is, it’s nothing to keep doing what we want

Jake: What’s some more boring medical shit, yeah? We’re already dealing with it, appointments, pills and whatever else doctors decide we need

Sylvie: Exactly

Sylvie: it’s nothing compared to the shit we’re on, whatever horror stories people have

Jake: I’m sorry I forgot though, that wasn’t cool of me

Sylvie: Debatable

Jake: You know what I mean, I care what happens to you, I should’ve thought about it

Sylvie: Thanks

Sylvie: I don’t really know what else to say

Jake: I don’t wanna embarrass you by turning this into a whole thing, wouldn’t be cool either

Sylvie: You aren’t

Sylvie: it’s way too late for me to have shame around you anyway, yeah

Jake: I just really do care about you

Sylvie: I care about you too, I’m not looking to make your life more messy

Jake: I know you wouldn’t

Sylvie: We want the same things

Jake: Yeah, we’ve got the same dreams

Sylvie: Who’d have guessed

Jake: And I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone

Sylvie: That’s mutual, if that wasn’t obvious

Jake: To everyone, while I was playing your song for you and anywhere else we’ve been or are going to go

Sylvie: We can’t help it

Jake: Since our first time I haven’t been able to

Sylvie: I’m not going to apologise for wanting to be around you, if anyone expects it, they’ll have to keep waiting

Jake: My friends maybe do for how abruptly I walked off, but they can wait too, I need you not them

Sylvie: I’ll consider sending a blanket sorry for that but only after I’ve seen you

Jake: Monday’ll fix it

Sylvie: I better invite my cousin too, if we’re talking of fixes

Jake: You can stay mad at her if you want, I’m the pacifist

Sylvie: She’s judging me but she won’t say it, I don’t know how to get past that, like with your sister and you, there isn’t a solution

Jake: Reach out but don’t get too in your head about how it goes, if she’s that judgmental she’s not coming to mine anyway

Sylvie: Maybe she won’t want to, who knows

Sylvie: I’ll reach out, like you said

Jake: My sister takes things out on me that aren’t about me, or are, but it’s not the thing she’s yelling about at the time

Jake: your cousin could be doing that

Sylvie: She just doesn’t agree with cheating

Sylvie: unless China is doing it, I guess, then it’s fine

Jake: Neither did I

Sylvie: As if we set out to do that

Jake: I’ll try and give her a better impression of me, if she does come Monday

Sylvie: It is what it is, you’re not going anywhere until we are, she can get used to it

Jake: I can get her to like me

Sylvie: Can you?

Jake: Yeah

Sylvie: I’m not taking up the challenge

Jake: All you have to do is believe in me

Sylvie: I mean your sister is never going to like me

Jake: It isn’t your fault that she’s stopped liking me

Sylvie: A little bit though

Jake: It happened when I got the diagnosis not when we got together, you didn’t get a chance

Sylvie: She probably feels like she didn’t protect you

Sylvie: irrational though that is

Jake: Totally irrational and totally accurate

Sylvie: She’s got to blame you for how mad and dumb this all makes her feel

Sylvie: at least you see it, you don’t have to hold it against her when she finally gets with it

Jake: I might let her visit us in Paris when she does

Sylvie: Be tourists for a weekend

Jake: It’d be cool

Sylvie: Yeah

Sylvie: We’ll plan properly, make sure we get there

Jake: We don’t have to rush, I freaked out a bit but I’m okay now

Sylvie: Warranted, all things considered

Jake: You’ve been the coolest again today

Sylvie: A bad habit, I guess

Jake: I don’t know how I’ll ever get used to being supported the way you do

Sylvie: You went to [the class she wasn’t in the day of the Sam drama], before anything

Sylvie: I’m only returning the favour

Jake: It’s like, for all my mother and sister’s feminist leanings, my role is still toxically masculine

Jake: I’m meant to be strong for everyone, however I feel

Sylvie: Who wants to be a burden? No one

Sylvie: but you can’t be to me

Jake: With you’s the only time I’m not stressed out

Sylvie: Me too

Sylvie: I barely think about it, the shit I spend the rest of my time thinking about

Jake: Yeah, that’s it exactly

Jake: it basically goes away

Sylvie: You’re the cure

Jake: I’m yours and you’re mine

Sylvie: You’re mine and I’m yours

Jake: [me like show up please sir before you say anything more extra, I love that you blatantly got a bus or something despite what you said to China about them being a waste of money cos worth it to you now and I also love that you’re shamelessly gonna get in this shower with her, no fucks given]

Sylvie: [just y’all living your best lives once again, can only be so sad about your Paris thwarting for so long]

Jake: [soz not soz Tomeena who are in because they let him in and had a nice lil convo with him before he ran up the stairs lol, maybe her brother too who defs also could be, at least your hater sister isn’t because she has her close friend group and is either out with them or at one of their houses rn, y’all are welcome]

Sylvie: Do you want to come over Jake’s on Monday after school? [then list who is going to be there, giving mutual friends, obvs not just like everyone lol]

Maggie: I’ll be there, ‘course

Sylvie: Cool

Sylvie: Are we good then? 

Maggie: Are we? I’m in the wrong, do you seriously forgive us?

Sylvie: I guess I’ve been talking about nothing but him, you weren’t wrong about that

Maggie: You weren’t with your read of me, or the nerve wouldn’t have been touched that made us fly off

Sylvie: I’m not praying for her downfall

Maggie: I know

Sylvie: It just makes me think you think I actively intended to ‘steal her man’ or whatever when I didn’t even like him and you know that

Maggie: I didn’t mean to come down that heavy on her side, I’m happy for you, and you can’t steal nobody, whoever goes is after going, like

Maggie: honest, it wasn’t about you or Jacob Cohen, I was troubling myself over [the lad she fancied who did not show up to this cool kid event hence her calling him a saint and a good boy before lol] and his bother for a curfew, even though he didn’t make no promises to us and I had my mates there who are, any day, better craic, so’s the fucked priorities you called out are showing themselves there

Maggie: then something else, bigger, I’ve been busying myself with I’ve not told you of and what you said about all the hero shite had me doubting if I’m doing it for the decent reasons I reckoned or you’re right

Sylvie: What’s the bigger something?

Maggie: I’ve been visiting my nanny more than the weekly go with my daddy since [whenever Sylvie nearly died]

Maggie: she’d for sure not piss on me if I was on fire, on a good day she thinks I’m [one of Johnny’s sisters] and on the rest she’s not to know us from one of the girls who works with her

Sylvie: Why do you think you’re doing it, going to see her, like?

Maggie: Maybe I’m that arsehole and it’s to make myself feel better, but when I took myself it was cos we don’t none of us know how long we’ve got, do we? She might not be here tomorrow or I might not and we’re the only visitors she gets, for what, an hour or the half of?

Sylvie: I think it would make most people feel worse, that’s usually what I hear so

Sylvie: by default, it sounds like you’re doing it for the right reasons

Maggie: All to say, I’m sorry I acted up how I did

Sylvie: Well, if I’d known any of this, I would have chosen my words more carefully too so

Sylvie: let’s call it even

Maggie: Nobody does, in fairness

Sylvie: Not your parents?

Maggie: Not how often I’ve gone

Sylvie: They may worry about your sanity

Sylvie: God knows mine act like everything I do is some coded cry for help now 

Maggie: Right

Maggie: but at least yours’ll be buzzing the boy’s the sort he is

Sylvie: Sounds like [her crush boy] is even 😇

Sylvie: If you can convince him to leave his house every once in a while 

Maggie: I can’t with a lad like that, I swear, he’s to look at us how Jake looked at you up on that stage or he’s not to at all

Sylvie: I had a feeling you’d say that

Sylvie: but I get it, you can’t settle, it doesn’t work

Maggie: How’s [crush boy] to run away with or put a baby in us if he’s too set on minding his ma and her word’s final? Nah

Sylvie: You’ll have to find yourself a boy like your da

Sylvie: Boys are terrified of babies until they’re like 30, normal ones

Maggie: I’d get myself down the site but there’s no telling which I’m related to

Sylvie: Um, all of them? That’s how it’s done, is it not

Maggie: True enough 😏

Sylvie: Not that our family is living all that differently sometimes 🤮

Maggie: We’re the start, someone has to be

Sylvie: I bet our parents said the same 

Sylvie: and to be fair, one thing right there, well done 

Maggie: Give ‘em that 👏

Sylvie: The bar is in hell 🤪

Maggie: You’ve found heaven though, everybody in a room together Monday giving you and JC your chances to sneak off

Sylvie: I do have to beat the homewrecker allegations with his friends 

Sylvie: but I don’t think that means I have to play hostess all night, nah 

Maggie: Loads of his friends are a hang away from keys in a bowl, amount of swapping I’ve heard they do between themselves

Sylvie: 😷🙃 I’m good

Maggie: Me too, like

Sylvie: Are there any you think are cute though?

Maggie: [drop those peeps because you’re 12, of course there are, tis your boy crazy era]

Sylvie: Then you’re so welcome

Sylvie: I’ll give you a suitable introduction

Maggie: Oh will you now?

Maggie: I can intro myself, you know

Sylvie: You have an in, why not take it?

Maggie: Yeah, my outfit’ll do the chatting, as always

Sylvie: What’s the plan?

Maggie: I’ve to think, which of them lads am I dressing for?

Sylvie: 🤘 or ✌️

Maggie: Something like that

Sylvie: I’m going shopping but Jake is taking me

Sylvie: you aren’t going to want to third wheel that

Maggie: Ah no, I’ll get dressed without showing my face in [the shops you know these cool kids are going]

Maggie: mammy’s wardrobe’ll have just the thing if mine don’t

Sylvie: No doubt

Maggie: I’m on it

Sylvie: I might have to lift my outfit from [this cool kid establishment]

Maggie: I could get yous a discount but it’s only the standard staff 20%

Sylvie: I’m trying to save up right now, that’s all

Maggie: Leave the tags on, I’ll take it back for you Tuesday

Maggie: unless you’re after keeping it for the memories of yours and Jake’s first couple hang 🥰

Sylvie: God, that sounds cringe 🤦‍♀️🥴

Maggie: Sure, but I would

Sylvie: I don’t know if this is who I am

Maggie: He’s your first, it’s alright to lose yourself a bit, under and over him

Sylvie: Maybe a bit but

Sylvie: It’d be pretty rich if I lost my personality, I can’t let that happen, don’t you let it happen either

Maggie: You’re not her and we’re not saying he has that effect on ALL the girls as a blanket statement, like

Sylvie: When I’m back at school, I’ll be forced to have thoughts that aren’t about him, that should work

Maggie: School hasn’t forced us to have one thought ever I didn’t already want to, good luck with that

Sylvie: Hmm, you’ve got a point

Maggie: Don’t let my shots fired put you off, thinking about him isn’t some great big sin, nor’s talking about the lad

Sylvie: Being dull is

Sylvie: we should hang one night, just us

Maggie: Okay

Sylvie: Just tell me when you wanna, you can come here, or I’ll trek

Maggie: How’s [a day that I won’t commit us to] for you? I’ll 🚲 to yours from [something you’re doing, cos you’re always doing things is the vibe]

Sylvie: Cool

Sylvie: I’ll get [something that is her favourite whether that’s food or renting a movie, whatever]

Maggie: And I’ll bring [one of her faves so it’s mutual]

Sylvie: ❤️

Maggie: 💞

Members List: 

gotspoons [Mod] (Rosie, 17, Chronic Fatigue)

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously [Mod] (Rich, 18, Multiple Sclerosis)

brainpain (Lauren, 19, TBI)

tigerbalm (Robyn, 15, Arthritis)

sonmychest (Kara, 13, Cystic Fibrosis) 

princemyshkin [New Member!] (Jake, 14, Epilepsy)

ihatemyguts [New Member!] (Sylvie, 14, Ulcerative Colitis) 

injectme [New Member!] (‘Denis’, ‘14’ = Margot, 12, ‘Diabetes Type 1’)

injectme: I’m new, I don’t know if the rules are I announce that and do some cringe intro, like at school, or what happens? 🙃

gotspoons: 😊 Welcome, welcome, always good to see a new face! 

gotspoons: and you are totally free to intro (or not) yourself however you see fit, there’s certainly no hard and fast rule there

injectme: Wait, I don’t have to show my face, do I? I thought this was anon

gotspoons: Some of the group has shared their real name but no, you’re free to be your username and whatever you choose to share with us

tigerbalm: OMG! There’s SO many new people atm! 👋 I’m Robyn but yeah, you don’t have to tell us, like Rosie said 😸  we’re glad you’re here, that’s all

gotspoons: 👋 Exactly, truly no pressure, we swear

gotspoons: How are you feeling today, what made you decide to sign up and on? 

injectme: I’ve been debating doing it for a while, going back and forth

injectme: the time feels right, my friends don’t understand what’s happening for me, and my family, the less said the better about them

gotspoons: There is a certain level of understanding that only people in the same boat can give, I think

gotspoons: I’d say that’s the ethos behind this group, even if we don’t all suffer the exact same symptoms, the experiences and feelings are often shared

tigerbalm: Agreed, my parents can be A LOT, they’re super strict & I don’t have friends anywhere else, but I’ve found them here 😻

sonmychest: Aw, Robs 💜💜💜

sonmychest: It’s real though, it’s cool to be able to come in here and know you’re not going to get one of two looks for whatever you have to say 🤨😬

injectme: I’ve been getting more than my fair share of those looks lately 🛸

sonmychest: People think they’re SO stealthy with it too, like

injectme: My sister isn’t with anything, she could pick a fight in an empty room

tigerbalm: I used to beg for a sister, but now idk, I’m not so sure tbh 😹

brainpain: I regularly feel like unaliving mine 🔪🔪  can’t lie

brainpain: + hiya new newbie

sonmychest: I’m so lucky mine is a they and not a nightmare, obvs, damn

sonmychest: Sister hate support group though, I approve

injectme: Oh, I’m a they too, that should’ve been in my intro

sonmychest: Cool, as long as you don’t mind how overwhelming she/her this group is

sonmychest: we have… is it like 2 active he/hims at last count guys?

injectme: I don’t, I’m still a she/her to most people

sonmychest: People you can’t be bothered having the convo with? Yeah, relatable

injectme: It’s a weird convo to have, sometimes I feel like a she, want to look like one 🎀 and everything, sometimes I feel the complete opposite

sonmychest: It’s all performative anyway, right? 

sonmychest: Why not choose, if that’s how you feel

injectme: But different mes on different days of the same week doesn’t help the 👽 or imposter syndrome in every room, if that’s even the term

sonmychest: Some people seem so sure

sonmychest: 🎀s all the way, all the time

tigerbalm: Sorry, that’s me 🎀

gotspoons: Guilty… 

brainpain: 🌈 but

brainpain: can relate if we move onto getting with girls

brainpain: still am 1 though ✌️

sonmychest: lol, this convos taken a hard left

brainpain: my bad 😝 there I go making everything queer again 

brainpain: none of yous breathe a word to my future husband (unless he’s into it)

sonmychest: That’s definitely giving #yesallmen

sonmychest: limited as my experience is

brainpain: you’ll summon him with a political # in my experience

brainpain: 🤞😍🤞

tigerbalm: Wow 🙀 you guys make me seem SO boring in comparison 

gotspoons: No one’s identity is any better than anyone else’s, you can be as proud of yourself, Robyn

tigerbalm: Thanks 😻 I’ll try

gotspoons: And no one here would want to invalidate you, I’m sure

tigerbalm: Everyone here’s the best, ILYSM all of you

brainpain: ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🤍

brainpain: couldn’t resist

sonmychest: allies deserve love too, babe 😽

injectme: I came in serious, should’ve been in my intro as well

sonmychest: soz newbie, we are capable, honestly

brainpain: I was about to come in aggy like speak for yourself Kara 💥👊

brainpain: but LOL nah we can

sonmychest: lmao post up 

sonmychest: Rich would deffo show to break it up

brainpain: if only 🥺

brainpain: out here living like a war wife

sonmychest: watch that horizon, so cute

brainpain: every 🚂 that’s every film or tv ref I’ve got

gotspoons: Oh, I love The Railway Children

brainpain: shout daddy at him he’ll come speeding to me

gotspoons: Please don’t taint the wholesome memories for me 

😫

brainpain: oops

ihatemyguts: This feels like you rubbed a lamp for a genie and a fairy godmother popped up in a cloud of smoke instead but lol

ihatemyguts: lurking has been amusing me in [a boring lesson you’re evidently in]

brainpain: story of my life

ihatemyguts: 💔

brainpain: + where have you been? lost your 🍒 newest newbie status it’s that long

ihatemyguts: That is devastating, like

ihatemyguts: already - points for not being a boy

ihatemyguts: my absence has been for fun, not health-related reasons though, don’t worry

tigerbalm: YAY! LOVE that for you

ihatemyguts: Thanks, the [cool kid event] was great, btw

ihatemyguts: What have yous been up to?

tigerbalm: OMG! You went 😸😻

tigerbalm: I have to know EVERYTHING, sorry guys… 

brainpain: we all wanna hear what was great about it 🍿

ihatemyguts: Sorry, I didn’t get there early or stay late, or I’d have way more fun stuff to tell you

ihatemyguts: but I did get to dance and this guy played a song about me

tigerbalm: 🙀🙀🙀!!

tigerbalm: idk what The Railway Children is btw (sorry!) but that’s like ALL the films & TV I do 😻😻 you’re literally in an irl K-Drama

ihatemyguts: It does feel a little like that

ihatemyguts: and things like that don’t happen to me all the time, btw, I’m not that interesting

tigerbalm: Is that boy your boyfriend now?

ihatemyguts: Yes

ihatemyguts: funny as a bit it would be to turn him down after that, there was no way I was committing 

tigerbalm: WOW

brainpain: take a deep breath or your finger off caps

sonmychest: 💨💨💨💨💨💨💨 I won’t be jealous of your lung capacity or anything

injectme: I’m jealous I didn’t get to watch [a band that was playing this cool kid event earlier or later, clearly doing more than one song, no offence Jake], their sets get better and better each time they play Dublin, wherever the venue

ihatemyguts: [linking an insta/socials somewhere that lowkey records entire sets even though you’re not meant to do that, sure people do] I bet they’ve got it

injectme: It’s not the same but beggars can’t be choosers fresh out of hospital

brainpain: been there felt that

brainpain: it’s sh*t* soz newbie

gotspoons: I do hope you’re feeling better after your treatment though?

injectme: They let me go

brainpain: Rich would sign in for a bed shortages rant

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I feel as though I must end your waiting

brainpain: finally

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I apologise, I was helping my brother with his Uni assignments

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: My ‘free’ time being anyone’s to monopolise as they choose

brainpain: brothers can be dikcs too good to know

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Undoubtedly the accusation would have him shocked and confused but yes

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Confirmed

tigerbalm: By me too

tigerbalm: that’s why I spend all my free time here, there’s way more girls

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I apologise again, Robyn

tigerbalm: not YOU Rich, boys like my brothers ONLY

brainpain: I’ll be on the floor if she calls you 1 of the girls

sonmychest: 💅🤪

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I’ll have you know I’ve been told numerous times that I have hair any girl would be envious of, so, perhaps I am better qualified than you presume

brainpain: pics or you’re a tease

brainpain: nervous newbie excluded there’s no time like the present for a mass face reveal

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I think that may be against the rules, Rosie?

brainpain: they can’t kick us all out

ihatemyguts: Mutiny lmao

brainpain: live a little it’s our flesh prisons not our bank deets

ihatemyguts: I’ve already been outed in the local community, like, makes no odds to me, honestly

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Rosie may be asleep currently…

brainpain: make the call babe

brainpain: you gonna boot me for this? 

brainpain: [and drop a pic of yourself like a rebel]

princemyshkin: If Lauren has to go then so do I

princemyshkin: [a pic of yourself because you love a cause so obvs you’d come in rn to do this]

sonmychest: 🤯 omg how long does it take to get your hair like that Lauren

brainpain: hours but what else am I doing

brainpain: + people watching my 🎮 stream are into it 🤑

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Well, as it’s done now, I’d say it is up to your/your parents if you are under 13 discretion

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: In the halcyon days when we received funding, this group would have been an in-person support group, so

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Anyone not comfortable, understand the ‘mass face reveal’ is not mandatory, however much enthusiasm it’s met with

brainpain: can’t resist me even when I break the rules 

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: They aren’t my rules, technically, I have slightly more authority and trust to uphold them but the admin/big bosses will undoubtedly decide… if they’re ever actually in here which I have my doubts about

brainpain: they’re yours to break

brainpain: your turn to stick it to the man 📸

sonmychest: Super subtle lol

brainpain: you too new boy’s put you all to shame as the only 1 standing up for me

sonmychest: Before you put us all to shame by being model attractive, casually, nbd

brainpain: @ him I’m hiding behind hair dye 🌈🦄

sonmychest: Well sure, I can imagine how often you’d get hit with the ‘but you don’t look sick’ new boy

princemyshkin: When I’m outed in the local community I’ll let you know

princemyshkin: And my name’s Jake, by the way, since us troublemakers are still here right now

ihatemyguts: [post your pic because direct callout to what you said like hey]

princemyshkin: There you are

sonmychest: FFS, no, I’m literally finding the nearest belltower 

tigerbalm: I don’t look like a model, but I’ll post my face if you do, Kara

tigerbalm: count of 3?

sonmychest: Okay, I’ll do it if you do, Robs, someone count us in, not that I’m being dramatic or anything

brainpain: 3

brainpain: 2

brainpain: 1

tigerbalm: Okay, UM… here goes

tigerbalm: [the shyest selfie of all time]

sonmychest: [also post yours, no need to cheat lol]

sonmychest: You look exactly as adorable as I would imagine, HOW 😸😻

tigerbalm: I thought you’d be ginger idk why 😸

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Without sounding like a creep, I hope, you’re all very pretty and have no need to be insecure about your appearances 

sonmychest: Thank you for the diplomatic dad answer, appreciate it for real

sonmychest: I WISH I could pull off ginger, I’d look so weird 

tigerbalm: I wanted to be BLONDE when I was little

tigerbalm: imagine 😹

injectme: If everyone else is doing it

injectme: [a pic that we know isn’t you but we’re pretending is, if only because this person clearly has an insulin pump visible]

sonmychest: It would be giving [some k-pop idol who’s got that platinum blonde asian thing going on]

tigerbalm: & I’m more of a [different k-pop girlie who’s more your vibe]

sonmychest: Wow, we’re all so cute, love that for us, guys

sonmychest: Rich (and Rosie, if you are lurking disapprovingly) you’re the only ones left to go

brainpain: he’s back on his keeping me waiting bs 😭

ihatemyguts: The hype is real, smart move

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I assure you, I’m not playing chess or being in any way tactical here

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I am somewhat of a luddite when it comes to the social side of social media, I don’t know if I have any recent pictures of myself

brainpain: 👶  pics are fine too FYI

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: The mental image it would create would be amusing, undoubtedly 

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: [but take a very boy who does not care and does not take selfies selfie of yourself now]

brainpain: f 💣

brainpain: if any of you kids need me don’t for a minute 👋

sonmychest: You did NOT lie about your hair, I cut mine off recently and now I’m so sad about it 😭😭

tigerbalm: I was debating it before my bday party BUT 🙀

tigerbalm: if it doesn’t suit me I’d have to photoshop my pre haircut head onto ALL the pictures

sonmychest: I think it would be chic, Robs

sonmychest: You can always fold half of your hair under and clip it in place, see if you vibe or not

tigerbalm: Amazing idea! BRB guys

sonmychest: Uh-oh, everyone is taking a minute now…

injectme: …

sonmychest: Did you share your name with your pic, newbie? I’ve forgotten in the excitement

injectme: No, I forgot too

injectme: I don’t ever go by it in full

sonmychest: What do you go by then

injectme: Nicknames

sonmychest: We can stick to your username then, if that’s what you want

injectme: I’ll think of a new one for here

injectme: if anybody has any ideas, all ears

sonmychest: I’ll ponder

injectme: Shuffle has spoken [and drop the song]

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Ah, excellent taste

brainpain: not their best

brainpain: no offence newbie

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Ms Harry’s French leaves something to be desired 

injectme: Yeah, but I couldn’t ask you to call me Atomic and keep a straight face

ihatemyguts: Maria is a better song but worse name, kinda, Catholic vibes pervading at least

tigerbalm: I never know ANY of the songs you guys mention

sonmychest: Have you started working on your bday playlist yet?

tigerbalm: Not yet

sonmychest: You better get going, girl

tigerbalm: I wish you guys could come but that HAS TO be against the rules, right? 😿

brainpain: I’ll come if you’re serious about the invite

brainpain: give a 💩

princemyshkin: Me too, if you want

tigerbalm: 🙀🙀🙀!!

sonmychest: It’s never made sense to me, anyway, why can’t we make friends, it’s what people do when they join any other group…

tigerbalm: OMG it would be the best bday EVER

sonmychest: You are so cute

brainpain: sweet 16 cos I’m there LMAO 🥳

brainpain: + Jake’s jawline

tigerbalm: He has a gf, Lauren, that’s like the first thing he said to us!

brainpain: + he’s a 👶 more importantly

brainpain: 👀🚫✋

princemyshkin: I’ll ask her if she minds me dancing with the birthday girl, I don’t think she will

sonmychest: Your parents will be cool with it, right?

tigerbalm: idk they’re never cool with anything

sonmychest: It’s YOUR party and YOUR birthday, you should have friends there

brainpain: I’ll go boring brunette if it helps

tigerbalm: I COULDN’T ask you to do that

sonmychest: 💔 left wounded 

brainpain: oops

brainpain: I can’t do ginger my b@tch sister would flip

brainpain: blonde so no one’s triggered

ihatemyguts: f me I guess 

brainpain: I didn’t say boring with it

ihatemyguts: jurys still out on if triggers are real anyhow 🤷‍♀️

princemyshkin: The word trigger is actually a bad one in itself for some of us

brainpain: he’s got jokes now 🧠🔫  welcome to the club

sonmychest: y’all are gonna scare the newbie off

injectme: I’m not squeamish

brainpain: then I’ve got a story for you

sonmychest: Oh, God…

brainpain: check your pms newest newbie 💌😘

injectme: Oh, yeah, okay, I spoke a bit soon

gotspoons: What’s going on? I just woke up to all these messages

brainpain: nothing 

gotspoons: 🤨 

gotspoons: I’m going to catch up myself then…

tigerbalm: You’re invited to my bday party, that’s something

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Ah, Rosie, let me PM you, save you some time

brainpain: I’ll say my goodbyes now 🧳🚪 slan everyone (add the accent in yourself I’m not doing all that)

ihatemyguts: 😬 Yikes

sonmychest: imma peace out too

brainpain: [drop your twitch deets so peeps can find you in case you aren’t allowed back lol, even though we know you will be]

gotspoons: [Private @ injectme]

gotspoons: I’m really sorry that this is your first impression of this group

gotspoons: and even more so that you were sent inappropriate material

gotspoons: Is there anything we can do/you wish to be done to remedy the situation?

injectme: It’s what happened to her, that’s what this place is for

gotspoons: Graphic content should never be directly sent to anyone, it’s far better we use our words to explain, in the group setting

gotspoons: It wasn’t appropriate to haze you like that

injectme: I’m here to get to know people not cause trouble for them

gotspoons: You’ve not caused any trouble, let me assure you

injectme: I don’t snitch, I’m not going to

gotspoons: No one is asking you to and it isn’t needed, Lauren made her intentions clear

injectme: I don’t think she had bad intentions

gotspoons: I am glad you’re okay

injectme: I am

gotspoons: If you’re sure there’s nothing I can do for you then I will mark this particular issue as resolved?

injectme: Yeah, I’m good

gotspoons: Brilliant, thank you for your cooperation on this

[britswriting]

Devotion (22)

Devotion Masterlist

Read on Wattpad

- Unedited - I've read through this so many times over the past month, that honestly if there is an error, I wouldn't notice it anyway lol

*Leighton's POV*

Gemma's fourth birthday went as well as a spoiled four year olds birthday could.

Colby and I woke G up with a pancake breakfast before we got ready to pick up Noel; having lunch with Logan, Cynthia, and Harper followed by us all playing at the park.

"You excited to have your first sleepover, bug?" Colby asked her as we drove back to our apartment, car full of excited toddlers.

"Yessss!" She squealed, making our ears bleed followed by an echo of toddler gibberish over how excited they were to play with all the Barbies and watch all of the Disney movies in one night, their words, not mine.

Colby joined in on their excitement, ramping Gemma up about all her new toys waiting for her at home, ready to be unwrapped and played with. I swear Colby was more excited to give her her gifts than she was to open them.

Gemma spent the night at her dad's to celebrate her birthday a few days ago, giving Colby and I ample time to go gift shopping for our now four year old; Gabe and I having worked out the whole birthday thing due to his school and work schedule.

The five of us got up to our apartment and the girls roped us into watching Tangled followed by Aladdin and finally Toy Story as they colored, played with new Barbies and Littlest Pet Shop toys, running all over our apartment screaming and laughing.

I was convinced we were never getting them to bed, that was until pizza came and we thankfully we had hit a food coma. I have never felt so grateful when all three of them were crashed out cold in Gemma's room, snuggled in all of the blankets I could find, more than I was as I very slowly, and as quietly as possible, left the bedroom door cracked open.

"First sleepover down" Colby huffed, plopping down on the couch as a breathy laugh escaped my lips, plopping down next to him. "I am ex-haust-ed" 

"You're one to talk! Try being pregnant and chasing toddlers around to get the pizza sauce and grease off their fingers! All walls almost had greasy toddler fingerprints on them"

"Hey! Try getting them all into pj's!" He countered, my quick "I helped!" ended us both in laughter, Colby pulling me into his chest, kissing my temple as we stared at the blank tv.

"I can't believe she's four. Feels like just yesterday I found out you were pregnant and Amber and I were rushing you to the hospital. She's growing up so fast" He said quietly, a hint of reminenacne in his tone. 

"And now we've got another little one on the way" I matched his tone, craning my neck to look up at him. "She still needs a name you know. And a home" I chuckled.

"You're dads coming with us to Minnesota, right? To go look at those houses?" Colby asked.

"That's the plan. We need to get it done before I can no longer fly"

"Working on it, baby. You know just as well as I that moving is a whole thing. Moving states is even more of a chaotic mess"

"Yeah but we've moving a family. It's a little different. Let me know when you book flights so I have time to check up on Lexi. I know she says she's been fine, but I mean.. are you ever really fine after an abortion? I'm sure there is all kinds of conflicting emotions. I just... I don't know, I want to be there for her. Do my sisterly duties" I expressed, guilt seeping out of my heart knowing how much time has already passed of me being a shitty sister.

"Did she ever tell Brennen?" He asked, chewing on his cheek.

"I don't think so, and honestly? I don't blame her. Granted, I'm not in that situation, but I mean.. it's kind of understandable why she wouldn't want to. Either way, it's her life, her choice. I'm going for moral support and to be a good sister. I'm trying to make up for loss time" I sighed.

I wouldn't say I had regrets in life because I somewhat believe in the butterfly effect, and how everything works out in the end like it's supposed to for you, but I do wish I could change the way I handled certain situations. 

My actions have made me lose a lot of people and make some pretty poor choices. If I were to regret something, I'd definitely regret acting out the way I did with Aaliyah, or the way I handled Lexi's situation; it has although taught me to be more patient, and really hear people out. I wish I would've guided Lexi more than lash out. Thankfully I was given time to do that. To correct my mistakes.

"Is she ever going to tell your family? Or is this some sisterly secret I'm in on that I shouldn't be?" He asked, eyeing me as if he can read my thoughts.

I shifted, shaking my head. "I don't know what she's doing, but she's over 18. Yes we're blood, but I've already done her wrong. It's not my place to out the abortion. Her life. Her choice. I have no right to tell our father like this is some tattle tale over a toy"

The day before our flight Gemma and I brought over food for Lexi, spending a couple hours with her as I made sure she was okay.

I walked into the unfamiliar 

Gemma, Colby, my dad and I all made the flight to Minnesota over Thanksgiving, spending the holiday with Uncle Garrett and Aunt Ginger.

"I can't believe you're thinking about moving back home" Aunt Ginger expressed, setting another christmas ornament on the tree as I sat on the couch and watched, snacking on Saltine Crackers like my life depended on it as nausea kept hitting me in waves.

Being only five months along and feeling this miserable felt like a joke. Every morning I wake up and already wish to go to bed the second my feet touch the floor.

"Feels right. I don't want to raise my children in California. It almost feels like a disservice to them" I laughed, my hands resting on my belly as I imagined two little girls growing up, playing in the snow and swimming in the lakes.

"They say your heart comes back where it's fondest" She eyed me over her shoulder, grinning.

"Is that so? I thought the saying was time apart makes the heart grow fonder or whatever" I snickered, watching her eyes light up.

"Maybe that's it! You're just missing your uncle and me and you need a good ole' cooking dance party!"

"You know what, maybe you're right" I laughed, "I just can't imagine staying in a place that holds so many unhappy memories; I feel bad though for taking Colby further away from his family. I mean, we're leaving behind his family in Arizona, my siblings in California.. I just... can you really stay in a place that holds all the worst moments of your life? Not to mention Gemma and her friends, and I know she'll make more friends... I just feel so goddamn guilty all the time. Like no matter what choice I make, I can't win. I'm going to be hurting someone in the end"

"What about the best? Having Gemma, meeting Colby, getting sober. Glass half empty, or glass half full, you know?"

"I think I'll just always view California as the place that's ruined my life and maybe that sounds dramatic, but I can't help but view it so tainted"

"You guys gossiping about me?" A voice interrupted, my head turning to look behind me, Uncle Garrett walking through the kitchen into the living room with Dakota hot on his heels.

"Aren't we always?" Aunt Ginger grinned, standing up on the tips of her toes, attempting to hang an ornament. Uncle Garrett making his way to her, placing a kiss against her lips before taking the ornament out of her hand and placing it higher up on the tree.

"How you feeling, Leighton? Named that precious baby yet?" Uncle Garrett questioned, my body scooting forward on the couch so I could pet Dakota. "You're only going to be an incubator for so long" he teased, my jaw dropping as I laughed.

"An incubator?!" I repeated, Uncle Garrett chuckling. "You're lucky I love you" 

"The luckiest!" His eyes crinkled as his cheeks tightened.

"No we have not named the little one yet. I'm trying to make sure she has a home. Hoping we can find one on this trip. I'm nervous Dad and Gemma are going to be a pain in my ass; Colby would tell you I'm the picky one though"

"I personally think Garrett is a great name" He smirked, my brows raising as I nodded.

"Ah yes. I can't imagine how she'd ever get bullied in school if her name was Garrett" I teased.

"Are you talking naming my daughter without me?" Colby's loud, dramatic voice called from behind us, the sound of a patio door closing followed by screaming giggles and thumping paws hitting the tile.

"There's the newly found four year old!" Uncle Garrett swooped up the giggling toddler, Bentley still barking which made Dakota start to bark, enabling the chaos that surrounded me.

With the barking and the laughter and the loud talking over each other... it felt like home.

No stress, no worrying.. just laughter and smiles.

I could feel my heart swell as tears prickle my eyes, imagining this to be my life. 

Coming over whenever, hanging out with the family; my daughters laughing and running around with the rottweilers, my uncle cooking and singing obnoxiously as my aunt and cousins tried to somewhat keep us under control.

It all felt perfect. Like I had finally found the missing puzzle piece.

This was home.

That thought was only solidified as the six of us: Colby, Gemma, my dad, Uncle Garrett, Aunt Ginger and I, walked through what would be our final house tour of the day.

It was perfect.

"Why are you crying, Leighton?" Colby asked quietly, pulling me into his arms.

"We have to make an offer, Colby. This is it. This is our home. It just... Colby" my voice cracked as my vision blurred. "The room closest to the stairs? Imagine a beautiful nursery. Our daughter growing up in there. Gemma right across the hall; them fighting over the shared bathroom between them. The master bedroom at the end of the hall? The most amazing sex of our life could be help in there-" he laughs, "and the most comfy cuddles and our girls driving us wild. The beautiful backyard where they can go play with maybe a dog, or our family. The kitchen that's so fucking perfect.. this is it. It just feels right. Tell me you feel it too. Tell me this is the house" I begged, wiping under my eyes as I looking around the upstairs hallway, feeling like my future was rolling out on film right in front of me.

"This is our home. Let's make an offer tonight, alright? We'll fight for this one. The twinkle in your eye as you look around this house is the only thing that matters. I swear you were about to drool over the kitchen appliances" he laughed, pulling me into a kiss as I giggled, my cheeks warming up.

"Don't act like you weren't melting over that room that would become your office!" I pointed at him, loving the way he smiled, not saying a word.

Back at my Aunt and Uncle's house, we made an offer through our agent and tried to keep ourselves busy as we waited to hear something back.

"What about Riley Colette?" Melissa suggested, the entire family lounging in the living room as we tossed around baby name ideas. 

"It's cute for sure" I acknowledged, my hand moving back and forth over Dakotas side as she snuggled into my leg.

"Jessie Paige?"

"Brock? Jessie Brock? No" My head shook, hating the imagery of a girl with a cowgirl hat and some sort of yodel dialog line dancing around my home. 

"Johannah?" 

"Brock? No" I vetoed yet again.

I swear hundreds of names were listed and we were getting nowhere.

Colby and I laid in bed that night, still scrolling through different names, testing them out when silence fell between us, his soft voice finally breaking it.

"I found a name I really like, but it's kind of out there" 

"Shoot" 

"Lennon? L-e-n-n-o-n?" He spelt, my head wobbling side to side as I thought it over.

"Lennon Brock? It's not bad. It's not that strange" 

"Lennon Paige? Your family seemed to like Paige"

"Paige sounds weird with Brock, I veto it"

"Alright. Do you like Lennon? Should we test it out for a while or should we keep scrolling?" I asked, already scrolling through his phone again before I could respond.

"We can test it out" I nodded, leaning my head against his shoulder, my eyes closing.

"Really?"

My eyes opened, "Why do you sound surprised?"

"I thought you wouldn't like it" He shrugged, jostling my head slightly.

"Hey!" I winced, "Careful! I'm fragile, you know" I teased pinching his thigh.

"You are far from fragile" he cackled, his head hitting the headboard, my loud laughter drowning out his "Ow", unable to stifle it.

"Are you okay?" I asked through laughter, shifting so I was sitting upright, leaning forward slightly causing my head to have to turn further to see Colby who has happened to roll his eyes.

"I'm fine, not that you care" He teased, my own eyes rolling this time. 

"You know I care; just sometimes you have to laugh first" I grinned, giggling as he pulled me back into his chest. "Careful! I'm housing a child here!" I jokingly panicked, Colby's hand coming to cradle my side, pulling me closer to him so I didn't fall off the bed.

"And you look very beautiful doing it" He sweet talked.

"Shut up" I groaned, trying to pull away, only to be stopped and somehow moved onto Colby's lap.

"It's true. You look very beautiful pregnant. I've always told you that" 

"Not true. Everything is swollen, and everything hurts and your baby is murdering my ribs and my bladder and how did you do that? I weigh as much as an elephant and I know you've been slacking in the gym!" I whined, attempting to move off of my fiance, only to be held in place by his strong hands gripping my hips.

"You do not weight as much as an elephant" he smirked, both of us laughing at him not denying my gym comment.

"Alright well if you keep my crotch on your dick things will start to happen and we can't be doing that with my daughter asleep next to us in my Aunt and uncle's house"

"I thought pregnancy sex was your favorite kind of sex?" his thumbs hooked into the waistband of my sweatpants.

"Mhm" I moaned, falling forward a bit, scooting back slight on his crotch, Colby's face scrunching slightly as he moved under me, "But not when my daughter is asleep on the floor, snoring, might I add" 

"You don't think I'd actually initiate anything with her right there, do you?" His eyes clouded with concern, my head shaking.

"No, but I don't want to be soaked through my underwear and have to go to bed needy and desperate. So, I'm just gonna-" I carefully got off his legs, laying back down next to him, "and we are gonna pretend each other aren't right here so my you know what can calm down"

"You want to pretend I'm not here?" he asked, my head nodding as my eyes closed, only to feel his warm breath on my neck followed by warm lips.

"Colby, stop" I groaned.. or well.. moaned.

I do not feel like slathering makeup on my face any day, let alone to cover a hickey!

"I love you Leighton Rae" he murmured against my skin before backing off, my head falling back as I huffed.

"I hate you" I grumbled, Colby chuckling next to me. "I love you too, now leave me alone. Don't you have your own situation over there?"

"Feel and find out"

"Colby!" I whisper shrieked, extremely aware of my four year old not even ten feet away, the audiotrack of her snoring being a painful, yet sobering reminder of why I cannot do exactly what my vagina wishes I could.

"We can always go sneak off to the bathroom" He suggested.. or well, reminded. 

"With this pregnancy bump? No way. You know I need pillows to be comfy and I will murder you if you're the only one who gets a release" I grouched, Colby's chuckle against my skin making a shiver go down my spine as I snuggled closer into his warm chest.

"I'm excited to start our life together, Leighton. I hope they take our offer and we can finally start this whole moving process" He sighed, lacing our fingers together, his thumb rubbing against my knuckles, eventually landing on my anxiety ring, spinning it a few times. 

"I can't believe we're buying a house and I'm ready to start putting together our nursery. I really want to do this whole baby thing the right way" 

"You're having a home birth, I don't think you understand what the traditional right way is" he laughed, my eyes instinctively rolling as I snuggled closer to him when something dawned on me.

"Shit!" I hissed, "We need to find people here for that!" I quickly - well as quick as you can when you're five months pregnant - snatched my phone to go into research mode, Colby's hand grabbing my arm, pulling me back into him.

"One thing at a time, Leighton. We can do it tomorrow, just lay here with me, please" His soft words lulled me into his chest once again.

"You're offly clingy lately" I noted, inhaling his chest, my eyes closing as I felt his chest rise and fall under my touch.

"Just feeling grateful. I've been talking with Sam a lot lately and it's just reminding me how grateful I am to have you. To have Gemma. This baby. Is it a crime to want you close?" 

"Only if I can't breathe" I fake choked, gasping, Colby swatting my ass making me laugh before kissing him.

The next couple of days felt like we all could barely catch our breath as we awaited the conformation that the house was ours, along with researching nearby facilities for our at home birth. I knew in the end I wouldn't regret the choices, but in the current moment I couldn't help but feel like I was way in over my head as Colby and I searched high and low for our best options as well as calling backup hospitals in case of an emergency.

Who moves halfway across the country when you're due to give birth in four months - an at home birth at that, with a four year old? 

Psychotic people. That's who.

"Have you heard anything yet?" I asked Colby for what was probably the tenth time since we've awoken and it was only 3pm.

"No, Leighton"

"They said it would be a few days! It's been a few days! Do you think maybe other offers came in?" I worried, tugging a shirt over Gemma's head before letting her step into a pair of leggings, getting ready to go to the park.

"I don't know baby, we've just got to wait"

"I hate waiting" I huffed.

"Me too!" Gemma chimed in making me laugh.

"See, she gets it!" I pointed to Gemma, G grinning as she nodded.

"Yeah! I get it!" The peanut gallery communicated, a sassy grin on her face.

"I also hate waiting, so why don't we go to the park and bypass some of this waiting time" Colby reached for Gemma's hand, the two of them leaving me in their dust as they made their way outside.

I sat on the bench, listening to Gemma's screaming laughter as her and Colby played on the swings and then the slide, followed by monkey bars.

"Mommy! Come play with us!" Gemma squealed, running around in the sand before climbing up the playground stairs.

"Mommy's resting, G" Colby reminded her, a sigh leaving my lips.

"But I want to play with mommy!" Gemma whined, staring down at Colby from the playground landing.

"But G-" He started, my voice quickly interrupting.

"No, no. It's okay. We'll play" I confirmed, wincing slightly as I pushed up off my thighs.

Ignoring the ache in my back, the soreness of my feet and the shortness of breath, I plastered on a smile and walked the best I could over to my daughter.

"What do you want to do lovebug?"

"Come up and play!" She squealed, bouncing on her feet.

"You alright" Colby asked, eyeing my tight smile and head nod. "Leigh-"

"My daughters waiting"

I carefully climbed the stairs, Gemma's "Come on mommy!" was the only thing I was focusing on.

Fuck the back pain, the lack of deep breathing, and my puffy ankles. 

"Where to honey?" I huffed out.

"Slide! Coco, catch us!"

Oh god that's a long way down.

"Slide with me mommy!" Gemma demanded.

"Okay baby, one sec.." 

How the fuck am I gonna do this?

The ground was a long way down. Once I'm down, I'm not sure if I'm getting back up again.

"Come on, mommy! Come on!" Gemma rushed.

Slow and steady win the race...

I carefully eased myself to the ground, attempting to block out Gemma's persistent rushing. By the time my ass hit the slide, I felt both relief, and panic. Relief because I was sitting; panic because now I have to slide with a four year old and I can't even see my feet over my belly.

"Colby you better catch us! I can not afford to fall on my ass with this baby in my womb!" I warned, Gemma crawling over my thighs as best as she could, proving this whole sliding whilst pregnant thing to be difficult.

"Careful, G" I reminded her, not wanting her pressed to hard against my stomach. "Ready?" I cooed, wrapping my arms around her tummy, pressing a smooth to her cheek before sliding down the slide, Gemma's giggles being drowned out by my slight fear and panic of how quick we're going down the slide.

"Coco! Catch me!" She squealed, Colby crouching, arms wide, swooping Gemma up and setting her aside before stopping me and helping me up.

"You alright?" He checked in, my head nodding as my heart pounded. "What do you say to mommy, bug?" Colby asked, Gemma already climbing back up the playset. 

He sighed, a smile plastered onto my face as I went to go join her again.

"Hey, you don't need to chase her around" he reminded me, cupping my face between his hands.

"In a few months it won't just be her anymore. It's okay. I just need to be careful and go slow.."

"Leigh" Colby's warned, my back already turned towards him ready to meet my child back at the slide.

"Just make sure you catch us"

~

"Your baby is kicking my ass" I groaned, a heating pad on my back as my ankles had ice packs draped over them. "You were on the phone with Sam for a while out there, everything okay?" I checked in, having not heard from him nor Kat in a while.

"Yeah. He said they're moving back to California" Colby dropped his bombshell, nonchalantly scrolling through his phone. "We also are scheduling a filming trip at the end of December.."

"The end of December?" I questioned, my brow furrowed as I stared him down. Colby's head turned, catching my eyes as he nodded. "Like.. as in.. Christmas time?"

"After Christmas"

"When would you be back?" I questioned, nervous that I would be losing him for the holidays.

I thought about inviting Sam, Kat, Aaliyah — if she'd actually reply and meet up with me, and my siblings over for some sort of holiday party before we end up moving, but if Sam and Colby are out filming, there goes that idea. 

"I don't know Leighton, but we need to stockpile content before Lennon gets here" He said, my ears piquing in intrigue.

"Lennon?"

"We're trying them out, right?" Colby asked, eyeing me almost like he was waiting for me to punish him.

"Well what about Riley?" I half teased, still shell shocked out of him suddenly using Lennon.

"It just doesn't feel right" His head shook, turning away from me to look back at his phone.

I snickered, "What doesn't feel right? it's a popular name"

"Has that ever really been your style? Trend following?" 

"I'm dating you, aren't I? Mr. I Run paranormal side of youtube" I grinned.

He smirked, an eyebrow cocked before shaking his head, "I just mean, I can't see my daughter being named Riley"

"Lennon is just so out there though" I faux teased, chewing on my lip, expecting banter back only to sigh through my nose as he replied, grumbling, "No worse than what the Kardashians are naming their kids" my lips pursing as I caught the quick attitude change.

"I'm not vetoing it, Colby. I'm just saying we should keep our options open. There are millions of baby names. It's a big choice"

"I understand it's a big choice, but you're also due not that long from now" he expressed, my own brow furrowing.

Was he.. nervous? 

Typically I'm the one running around like a chicken with their head cut off freaking out over how soon my baby is going to be born, and how many things we have to get done.

Was it finally hitting him?

"I'm due in April" I reminded him.

"And before you know it, it'll be here" 

"It?" 

"Your due date"

"Oh! I thought you were calling our daughter and it" I cackled, Colby's eyes rolling. I quieted down, my shoulders dropping, wishing I could touch him but he was too far away from me, "Are you alright?" I worried.

"I'm fine" 

"Colby..."

"I have a lot to do Leighton. With the baby coming, the move, Gemma... us always being on and off and Sam breathing down my neck about.. about.. about our channel.. I just.. I just want to at least check one thing off! What's wrong with Lennon?" He asked again, shifting his whole body to face me on the couch.

"Nothing's wrong with it babe, I just think we should keep our options open"

His bobbed black and forth slowly, "Meaning you don't like it"

"I didn't say I didn't like it. I just said it was out there. It caught me by surprise when you said it so nonchalantly. I'm sorry if my reaction seemed negative. I just wasn't expecting you to so blanelty call her that"

"Why wouldn't I? That's what we're doing, right?"

"Well you haven't been too receptive to the idea" I murmured. 

"There's just a lot on my mind" He took a deep breath through his nose, leaning back against the armrest of the couch before straightening out again, glancing around the room before looking back at me. 

"So I've heard. The Move. The baby. Filming" My eyes rolled, "We're all stressed Colby, and god knows I like to complain about it, but at least I complain, or well, cry about it. You just stew in it until you practically shove me out of the way to go explode somewhere. Do you really like Lennon that much? Then let's try Lennon. It's not that I don't like it, or that I'm saying yes to just shut you up. It's just scary to me to name a baby. It's their name for at least 18 years, if not their entire life. It's scary to me to make such a big commitment so quickly" 

"You did it with Gemma" He grumbled, unlocking his phone again.

"Like hell I did" I snickered, "I had a million ideas for Gemma, but nothing felt right and by the time I chose Gemma, I still questioned if it was right. If my mom would've liked it. If it felt like a name my daughter would have. If you like Lennon, let's keep using it. See how it feels" 

"I like Lennon" He confirmed, his eyes locked on me; studying me.

"You like Lennon" I repeated, nodding, watching the way his brow pulled together.

"You say it like you disagree" his eyes narrowed.

"I'm not going to keep going in circles Colby. I said what I needed to say. Let me just sit on it, okay? Let me look at nursery decor with the name in mind, look at it in different fonts-"

"Different fonts?" he interrupted.

I nodded, "Different fonts. I just want to imagine the name in our life" A snicker threatened to slip out, but I shoved it far, far down like my life depended on it, trying to figure out what his deal was.

"Okay" He hummed.

"Okay?" I reconfirmed, struggling to read his expression.

"Okay" he reconfirmed, "Pull up the fonts"

"Fonts? Now? With you?" I faked appaul.

"Yes with me" He scooched closer to me, our thighs now touching as he leaned over me, grabbing my laptop.

"It's a personal matter" I tried, Colby turning on my laptop.

"Personal matter? I put a baby in you. That was a personal matter"

"And what a good personal matter it was" I reminisced, grinning when Colby's cheeks gained a red hue. "You remember it well, don't you?" I teased, missing our intimate moments together. 

"I remember a lot of our sexual altercations well"

"Altercations?" my jaw dropped.

Who calls sex an altercation? It's not like I trapped him into putting a baby into me!

"What fonts do you want" He distracted, scrolling through different ones, the name "Lennon" written out, sized up to be very in your face as he shuffled through fonts.

"How's this one?" He questioned, showing me "Lennon" in Caveat, followed by Georgia and then Dancing Script when I finally stopped him.

"Colby, I was just joking. We don't need to go through every single font." I eased, "Why do you like Lennon so much?" I pressed, having this inkling feeling that there were some reason he was pushing the topic so hard even though I've already stated we can keep trying it out.

"Does there need to be a reason?" he asked.

"Is there not a reason?"

"I don't know" Colby sighed, "You keep saying it has to feel right. That there is this.. what, connection? Or whatever. It just.. it feels right. Leighton, Lennon and Gemma. My girls"

I felt my heart swoon softly at the words "my girls", feeling pathetic as I stared at him with heart eyes. 

"L's huh?" I teased, "Sure G won't feel left out?"

"Then we better hussle this kid out and get another one in and give them a G name" He smirked.

"You want three kids? You want to deal with my pregnant ass a third time? Are you sure?"

"You're right. Maybe we should adopt, or do surrogacy"

~

I watched Colby pace on the patio, phone held up to his ear as I dipped another potato chip into my chive and onion sour cream.

Colby's been talking to Sam a lot lately, but instead of their casual catch ups, talking about work or figuring out their next hang out... it's been hushed voices, popping veins in his forehead and Colby acting a little too clingy afterwards. 

I knew he was hiding something; I just didn't know what.

Christmas surprise maybe? I know he likes his vacations, but what would that have to do with Sam? 

Crunching on another chip, I watched him pause, his back to me before his head fell back for a moment, then resuming the slight pacing.

"Mommy!" Gemma whined, a piece of paper clenched in her fist as she walked up to me.

"Hi sunshine, what do you need?" I smiled softly, turning around.

"I cwlor-"

"Color" I corrected, her brow furrowed.

"Cwlor"

"Color"

"THAT'S WHAT I SAID!" She yelled, shaking her paper at me.

"Hey, no yelling at mommy. I'm just trying to help, bug. What's wrong?"

"I cwlor on paper but..." She grumbled, shoving her paper in my face, "I get out da lines and.. and.. and.."

"Hey, breath baby" I coaxed.

"I messed up! And.. and.. and.. it was for.. for.. Coco! And I... I.. I do.. do bad job!" She began to cry, showing me the "messed up paper"

"Let me see, bug. I'm sure it's not messed up" 

She handed me her paper, and I looked at the precise coloring, different colors slightly out of line but it appears she tried her hardest.

Surely this would've caused a meltdown ages ago if she noticed the "imperfections"

"Where did you mess up baby? I don't see anything wrong. It looks beautiful bug" I complimented, Gemma frowning.

"I cwlor da puppies nose.. nose... rwed.. not.. not.. bwack and.. and.. and.. I try fix it! But.. but.."

"Hey, look at mommy" I carefully crouched, both of us eye level to each other, my hand clutching the countertop for dear life. "Inhale, exhale" I coaxed, "Mommy's not going anywhere. You don't need to rush" I wiped away a tear, my hand staying on her cheek, cradling her face, "It looks beautiful, my love. Coco will love it. Not every mistake is bad. It just makes it more unique. Coco loves unique things, Gem" 

"But.. but.. see!" I whined, 

"I'm sure, lovebug. Coco's on the phone but once he's done, I'm sure he'd love to see it. You did such a good job, sunshine. No more tears, okay?"

"Otay.."

"Okay" I chuckled, offering her a hug, Gemma walking into my arm, her arms wrapping around my neck.

"I love you Gemma Lorraine. You know what we could do in the meantime?" I asked, Gemma pulling away to look at me.

"What?"

"We could go find Papa and show him your beautiful artwork! How does that sound? We go find Papa and show him the puppy you worked hard on?" I asked, watching the light come back to her eyes.

"Yesssss!" She squealed, snatching the paper, "Come on, mommy!"

Gemma and I found my dad, Gemma happily showing her artwork, a pride to her tone now as she explained how long it took her. 

I heard the patio door slide open, turning to look over my shoulder as Colby stepped inside, softly closing the door behind him.

"Hey" I chimed, his head snapping to look at me.

"Hey" He replied bluntly, walking over to the kitchen island, opening the fridge.

Okay..

I walked over to him, taking a seat on the barstool across from him.

"Everything alright? You've been stressed after talking with Sam lately" I asked, "Something going on with work?" I guessed, attempting to pick his brain for any sort of clue of what was going on.

"Works fine" He replied, taking a drink from his glass.

"Communicate Colby. I can't read minds" 

"I don't want to talk about it" 

"Oh, great. So should I just sit around and wait for you to explode? Or are you just going to keep stuffing it until you decide to leave one day and go cliff drinking and land back in jail?" I hissed, keeping my tone low as I stared him down.

"That's not fair" He challenged, my brow raising in, ready to go head to head about this.

"How is it not fair? I'm asking you to share with me what's stressing you out.  I'm asking you to communicate. To let me be your shoulder to lean on, and you're telling me you don't want to talk about it? I get it, maybe you need space, you want to process things but dammit Colby! I'm not doing this again! You don't get space. You don't get to process. We do this shit together. I cannot lose you to drinking again. I've seen this movie one too many times and guess what? The ending fucking sucks. So suck it up and tell me what's wrong!" I whisper yelled.

His palms laid flat on the counter, his arms outstretched as he leaned forward, shoulders up towards his ears; staring at me. "I'm not leaving you to go drink. I just want to think. Okay? Can you let me do that? Can you let me think?" He asked, or well, belittled.

I Iicked my lips, my jaw clenching as I kept my eyes locked on him.

My own shoulders hunched forward, my hands pressed against the edge of the counter, "You do not talk to me like that. You do not disrespect me like that. You do not belittle your future wife, the mother of your child. You do not get to act like I'm a child when I'm the only one acting like an adult in this conversation; and fyi, Gemma wants to give you something and I'm only telling you this once. If you as much as think about talking to her the way you just did to me, I will personally buy your flight to Nevada—"

"Nevada?"

"Nevada. You can go back to Sam and leave me, and my daughters the fuck alone." I pushed myself off the stool, ready to walk away, my head looking over my shoulder as I said, "I'll give you space, but I expect you to tell me what's going on, or this isn't going to work Colby" before finally waddling towards the bathroom, desperately wanting to decompress.

I stripped out of my clothes in the bathroom, staring at my belly in the mirror.

There is life growing inside of me again, and if that wasn't crazy enough, it's Colby's.

That fact alone felt fake. How the hell did I go from wanting nothing to do with him, to carrying his child, not to mention having his ring on my finger being a physical reminder of our promising future together.

I stared at my protruding belly button, a shiver going down my spine; I'll never get used to that. 

I've always hated it. Hated the way it looked, the way it felt. It always gave me the heebie jeebies.

Staring at my perfectly imperfect bump, I couldn't help but have Colby's name suggestion swirling around in my head.

Mentally, I started to test it out;

Lennon.

Lennon

Lennon?

"Lennon" I whispered, my fingertips feather touching my skin, feather light touches skimming over my skin sending a shiver down my spine.

"Lennon" my voice got a little bit louder, not ready to commit to fully testing it out.

"Riley?" I murmured, my head tilting before I changed to view from the side. "Riley? Is that your name? Riley? My daughter Riley. Gemma and Riley. Riley's birthday. Riley's going to school. Riley's missed you Cole-" I froze, my tongue wetting my lower lip, my head shaking. "You're not Riley, are you baby girl? You've never been a Riley, or a Jessie"

My eyes prickled with tears as I faced the mirror again, staring at my belly.

My feather light touch dragged down, then over, spelling out Lennon against my skin, the tickling feeling making my body shake, followed by a baby kick; my face breaking out into a smile as I laughed, a tear rolling down my face.

"That's your name isn't it baby girl? Your daddy was right wasn't he. You're going to be such a daddy's girl aren't you. You and G are going to have him wrapped around your little fingers. Is that your name baby? Lennon? Did daddy name you munchkin?"

I started to cry harder, staring at my belly, imaging holding my beautiful baby girl, kissing her sweet little forehead, watching her cute little smile. The way her eyes opened and closed.

God I can't wait to see those beautiful eyes.

The way her nursery would look with Lennon written over the crib. 

Lennon Brock.

Lennon Paige Brock?

Lennon Colette Brock?

Lennon.... Lennon... Lennon what?

"What's your middle name sweet girl?" I asked softly, cradling my belly between my hands. "Daddy didn't give you a middle name"

"Lennon and Gemma, Gemma and Lennon. Gemma and Lennon Brock... Gemma Brock? Lennon Brock? Leighton..... Leighton.. Brock?" I struggled, chewing on my lower lip, sniffling the tears away. "Lennon... Fox? Lennon Fox..... Lennon Fox?"I tested out, my heart heavy with guilt at the thought of baby Brock not having Colby's last name.

Could I really walk away from him if it came down to it? I mean, I knew I needed to protect myself, and my girls, and that he has no right to take his shit out on us... but could I really leave him? Give his baby my name? Lose this ring yet again and fully cut our ties?

The thought of never seeing him felt wrong. Like saying goodbye to someone suddenly lost all too soon.

Sighing, I turned on the shower, letting it warm up before stepping in, sighing of relief as the warm water washed away my pain and tears.

There was something about hot water hitting your sore muscles that made me want to melt in this shower and stay here forever.

Eventually stepping out, I wrapped a towel around my body, grumbling as it didn't fit. I stared at my stomach, and part of my boobs that weren't covered. "You're killing me munchkin" I sighed, "I swear if my boobs are growing again.." I compared, jumping, my head quickly turning to my left at the sound of a knock. "I'm naked!" I called out, all of a sudden on edge, the fear of being walked in on - even if the door was locked - as I was naked becoming very real.

"Leighton? Babe? You alright? You've been in here a while.. I was hoping we could talk? I want to apologize for earlier" Colby's 

"I uh.. yeah I'm fine. I um.. I'll be in our room in a few. Let me get dressed please" I called out, scanning the room for clothes... shit. "Wait— Colby!" I called out, waiting, trying again when there was no reply. "COLBY?!" 

"What? Are you alright?" Colby's muffled voice asked, a thud being heard against the door.

"Yes! Sorry.. I just.. can you bring me clothes? Those black wide leg yoga pants — you know what I'm talking about right? With the belly band? In my suitcase? Can I have those please? And um.. like a flowy sleep shirt? — And underwear! I need underwear too!" I yelled, afraid of him having already walked away.

"One sec" he replied, leaving me alone, naked, barely covered in this bathroom, dependent on him to complete the task due to this damn towel not fitting around my boobs and bump.

I ran the towel through my dark hair, my eyes landing on my tattoos.

I smiled softly, bringing my hand up to Gemma's tattoo before letting my hand trace over the empty spot on my other collarbone.

Lennon? Riley? Jessie? Hannah? Colette? Paige?

I stared at the spot, imaging a mirrored tattoo of Gemma, but of this baby's name, losing track of time as my mind wondered about what that would look like.

"Leighton? Can I come in?" Colby asked, lightly knocking on the door.

I quickly held the towel over my body, opening the door, careful to not turn around, holding out my hand for the clothes, his eyes fell down to my open palm, slowly handing me the clothes, refusing protest as I shut the door.

He looked like a kicked puppy.

 I walked into our bedroom, dressed, crouching to dig through my suitcase for a hairbrush when the door shut.

"Hey" His soft voice started, taking a seat on the bed. "I'm sorry for how I talked to you earlier. I've just been stressed with work, and figuring things out with Sam. G showed me her picture. She did a good job" he rambled slightly, my brush getting caught in my hair, myself wincing as I brushed through the snarls. 

"She did do a good job" I agreed, nodding.

"I'm sorry" he repeated, silence falling between us, "Leighton" he sighed, a grumble to his tone gaining my attention. 

"What?"

"Why are you ignoring me?"

"I'm not ignoring you. I just have nothing to say. I thought you were the one that was supposed to be talking?"

"You're pissed" he observed alone, his tone flat.

My eyes rolled, tossing the hairbrush back into my suitcase.

"Why do you do this?" I sighed, turning around to face him.

"Do what?"

"Stop playing dumb. You know what you're doing. You're avoiding the situation. You said you wanted to talk, so talk! It's incredibly frustrating when you drag me in here with the intention of talking and then just staring at me like I'm the problem. I don't understand how your brain works! I'm trying so damn hard to communicate with you, and to have a better relationship with you — something you said you also wanted to do, and you just sit there letting the silence linger instead of talking to me like a damn adult"

"I wanted to apologize for how I talked to you. I'm not ready to discuss what's going on right now" he communicated, the look he was giving me told me that he thought he had cleared his name, when in fact he just made me circle it in permanent ink. 

"You not wanting to discuss it with me makes me feel mad. It makes me not want to stand here and talk with you. It makes me feel like you don't think I'm capable to comprehend, or to help you in this situation and that's extremely frustrating. I'm tired of crying, and I'm tired of yelling. I don't want to fight with you, Colby. I'm going to go hang out with Gemma and the dogs.. I need some time away from you for a little bit. You said you want to process whatever is going on, and I need time to think. If you hear about the house  offer, please let me know" I told him, grabbing a hair tie off the dresser before leaving the room.

It had begun to snow, dusting the ground in a crisp white which overexcited my toddler, wounding us out in the backyard trying to catch snowflakes on our tongues.

"I got one!" Gemma cheered, jumping up and down with her head back, tongue out as she tried to catch more.

"Good work lovebug! Are you excited to have snow? I know I've missed the snow"  

"YESSS! Getta build snowman like Fwozen!" She grinned up at me before running after Dakota, giggling with snow between her mittens.

I watched Gemma play in the snow, a warm gooey feeling in my chest as I listened to her laughter and the dogs barking as they played.

Everything about this trip has felt like hime.

"Leighton?" Colby's voice carried throughout the yard, his head poking out from the patio door.

"Yeah?"

"I got an email about the house"

I traded places with my dad, not wanting to leave my four year old unattended outside whilst I joined Colby in the kitchen.

"Good news?" I questioned, sliding the door shut behind me, toeing off my shoes.

"I haven't opened it yet. I saw the notification on my phone" 

We both sat down on the stool, Colby having already snatched my laptop from the couch.

With a quick log in to my email, my heart pounded in my chest as I held my breath, Colby clicking the email.

He groaned.

"What?"

"It says to call him" he huffed, grabbing his phone to dial our relator.

I listened to it ring and ring and ring before finally hearing "Hey,  Colby! Thank you for getting back to me in a timely manner" followed by a chuckle.

Colby cut to the chase, "Did we get the house?"

My heart dropped at his sighed, "The owners got back to me. They decided to go with the higher bidder. I'd say we could counter offer, but it's already a done deal. They informed the buyers about an hour ago that they were taking their deal" 

I felt like the rugged just got pulled out from under me. That warm fuzzy feeling in my chest was replaced with stone, crumbling into rubble right in front of me.

I saw Colby's lips moving, but I wasn't listening.

How couldn't we have gotten the house? We put a good offer in! More than they were asking for! 

The house.. it felt like our dream home. Like it was the one. How couldn't it be ours?  

Everything felt like it was falling into place.

I guess the saying is true; 

If it feels too good to be true, it probably is.

* * * * 

I struggled a lot with this chapter, not going to lie. To be honest, I struggled a lot with description of tone. My brain kept going blank at the descriptive words and it was giving me writer's block; I apologize if the lack of descriptive words made things feel more repetitive. I truly couldn't get it together lol

I posted a 1k word deleted scene from this chapter in the Extras book if you want to read it It's Colby attempting to tell Leighton, but I didn't want it to happen yet so I deleted it and posted it elsewhere.

I took an accidental hiatus. My mental health was rough :/ sorry for disappearing. I'm doing my best to get stuff done. It's just hard sometimes (:

I'm still having a hard time, but all I can think about is how I haven't updated in ages.. so I'm finishing this up with music blasting in my ears so I can decompress and focus and hopefully get this out. Well.. I guess if you're reading this, it happened lol - December 18th. This would've been out on the 10th.. but I got writers block on the ending..

Update, it didn't happen lmao - December 20th I finished writing this at exactly 12am lol

Written on: November 25th, December 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 10th, 20th 2023

Published on: December 21st 2023

Word Count: 8170

Part Twenty Three

[might-abandon-but-idk-yet]

Alienation- Prologue

/ ৹ \▫▫↜ °⁖  _◆_ ⁖ ° ↝▫▫/ ৹ \

                 ‘Aoi’

 / ৹ \▫▫↜ °⁖  _◆_ ⁖ ° ↝▫▫/ ৹ \

When I was little I lived with my parents. I would play in the park with my twin, we’d sometimes get ice-cream. It was fun, and I was happy.

When we were enrolled in elementary school, I was so excited I couldn’t sleep. I stayed up all night watching clips of my favourite hero; All might. I thought All might was the coolest, I still do. I dozed off soon after.

The next morning, when I woke up, I was in bed, my twin shaking me awake with a big grin on her face.

I remember her being so excited for our first day at school, and I was too. I remember when we got to school, our mum stopped us at the gates, she told me, that ‘as the big brother, I had to look after my sister.’ I was scared, if I’m to be honest. I didn’t know what to expect.

Kids can be pretty mean if you let them.

I don’t really remember much, but I do remember some kid that thought she was hot shit pointed at me and asked me why my skin was so splotchy. I was born with blue skin, and as I got older, my skin started turning a pink-purple-blue camo sort of pattern. I think I told her to shut up, or something along those lines because I remember being scolded by the teacher. I had never really paid it much thought, but I guess my skin was pretty weird, considering how many people picked on me because of it. Of course, other than that one time, my sister never found out, I made sure of it. A few months later, about a month before our 4th birthday, one of my bullies got his quirk, he could control water apparently. Everyone thought it was really cool.

That afternoon at lunch, whilst my sister and I were playing tag with our friends, the kid who got his quirk came up to me with some of his friends, he was saying something, sharing a smirk with one of his buddies, some of them laughing along with him. And before I knew it, he was on top of me, beating the living daylights out of me. His fists were ‘wet’ as that was the extent of his quirk right now. I remember my sister pulling the bully off of me, and someone running off to find a teacher, whilst I was sobbing into my sister’s embrace.

Things like that continued to happen, as everyone in class started to get their quirks. Except me. I remember my sister running into my room one day, a viscous liquid dripping from her hands as it landed on the wooden floors, the liquid sizzling whenever it made contact. She was so excited, showing it off to me with a proud smile on her face, an equally bright grin on my face. 

I remember it vividly that day, September 14th. The day everything went wrong. That kid with the water quirk? Yeah, it was him again. So as it turns out, he could also turn water into ice. And with his fists encased in ice, he clocked me square in the nose with a sickening crUNcH.

I remember my nose gushing, and the smell of burning, a thick, acrid stench, and as I looked down, I remember instead of seeing bright red blood, I saw a neon green, and my blood burning holes into my clothes and the ground. I don’t think he saw it though, because when I ran at him, tackling him to the ground, the same hand I had been using to cup my nose, I grabbed him, I grabbed his arm. And it fell to the floor, with the smell of burnt flesh hanging in the air like a heavy cloud.

What happened? I’m not sure. I don’t remember. I’ve been here for years. I don’t remember where I am. My name is Aoi. My name means ‘blue’, and I have a twin sister. Or ‘had’ a twin sister. I don’t know what happened. That's all I remember. It’s dark and I’m alone.

I think I did something bad.

It’s so gross in here, there's even a dead body in here with me. Oh. no, nevermind he’s alive. He smells like a bonfire.

END.

/ ৹ \▫▫↜ °⁖  _◆_ ⁖ ° ↝▫▫/ ৹ \

An old OC of mine. Lol, I love Aoi. First part?? U want a second part, lemme know. This is just a prologue lol.

[sk3tch404]

ÆÜGH UR MAKING ME MELT AHHHH- ILY TOO, like the SpongeBob to my Patrick in the most positive sense 💆‍♀️ also DAMN YOU TIME ZONES (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ tmw u wanna send ur asks at a reasonable time but the blog owner is only active when you have to got to sleep or during school hours- *sigh* at least there's the weekends. Go get that sleep brother(gender neutral) the sheer insanity of some of my lore are best digested after a full nights sleep

And honestly you can go nuts with the headcanons if you want, considering that I've got nothing except for the core personality traits developed anyways lol. Mans was a screeching Minecraft kid fr in his youth 😔 | Me @ Nonny: No bitches?

Main characters aside and back to the extras, because I think the ayato rip-off was part of the 3 characters we made during German period actually O_O whoops onto the character descriptions (not all too detailed because I'm at school and still need to find the actual character sheets at home and oof)

-So like, the Koreaboo was also like a vsco "girl" so to say (save da turtles!) and also an e-boy, I think there was a linkin park reference written somewhere next to his character like "CRAWLING IN MY SKIIIIIIIN" except it read crawling in my crawl because it was an inside joke between me and my friends. He wore a fuck ton of scrunchies around both of his arms and had AirPods, he also has a common Korean name, but it's written with a lot of éèêîõñåū if yknow what I mean, I think he was also a tsundere?

-the koreaboos boyfriend, uhhh he's Swedish, his name was like Björn or smth, we made a Cousin for him at some point, he was never finished, I think he vapes??

-Ayato rip-off, so like, he's an actual chill guy iirc (he was doing the finger gun pose in his sheet) he was a prince of a neighbouring kingdom in our story and marries,,,, the character I'm gonna present next I think. Not sure if we still made him a vampire or if we made him a werewolf just for funnsies 🤔 I'll check once I find the character sheets I guess, also he's a himbo with no braincells, I think his name was Eduard XXVII (it was a twilight reference, Edward -> Eduard)

-Princess #1 (insert world is mine reference) I think her name was smth along the lines of Trudy Lasagna and she was homeless. In the story I think she was crowned homeless Queen at the end. She has a sister whom I'm gonna present next. She has a purple patchwork dress and a burgerking crown, I forgot what her whole personality was, I think it was the stereotypical Disney Princess one??

-Princess #2, i think her name was Pisa Margreta (yes it's a Play on Pizza Margarita) and she was theeeee older(?) sister of Trudy. In the story I think she tried to poison Trudy, but was caught and I'm not sure if she just got exiled or actually sentenced to death but oh well. So like, the thing about her is, she was inspired by Cinderella, e x c e p t, she has a pumpkin head and spaghetti hair, her limbs are also made out of one wooden stick per limb, like she's the worst scarecrow ever. Actually, maybe she was cursed to look like that but idek anymore.

So the thought process for their names were "Ayo what if we gave them the worst possible names possible? Like, what's the ugliest old lady names we can give these princesses?" And then we slapped a pasta theme onto their names too lmao and the rest was history

-Ren'py anon

PATRICK AND SPONGEBOB THAT'S AWESOME JDNEIFHE

The timezone thing is sooooo sad! I wanna be able to answer you asks in a timely manner, but I also wanna catch some Z's-

Anyway, you know, that's crazy bc me and anon nonny played minecraft a lot as kids 😱😱😱 We have something in common!!!1!1!1

Jokes aside though, me and my sister did grow up going on creative mode and building houses out of the good shit like diamond, emerald, gold, and whatnot. They'd be like, as tall as the fucking empire state building, and then we would blow it up with dynamite after all that hard work.

So Koreaboo boy was a mix of vsco and e boy? Esco boy ig (Thank you Izzy from Total drama Action for your persona Escope <3)

He would be out with a million scrunchies on his wrists while having a middle part (He left his uneven bangs out and the rest is tied up) and a Thrasher shirt on with a stripped long sleeve under (Can't forget the hydroflask glued to his hand!) And I oop! Sksksk

"What are u looking at? You think my style is weird??? Well I don't care! At least I'm saving the turtles sksksksk!!!"

His Sweedish bf would either cuss me out in Sweedish and say FUCK YOU at the end for insulting his Koreaboo bf (AND IMMA DO IT AGAIN IDGAF)

Tbh I think they got together bc the Sweedish dude found it interesting how 'different' the Koreaboo boy was from general society and wanted to learn more about his style and 'koreanness'/his love for East Asian cultures (Probably just Japan and Korea tbh) God I hate them so much already.

Honestly, his style would look stupid as hell 😥

Homeless princess x Eduard vampire...

Sounds like if Wattpad and Fanfiction.net had a baby. Also, how does homeless crownings officiate?? And ay, that design is pretty solid if I do say so myself. Burger King crowns are the GOAT to any character design 😎 patchwork dresses can be cute too tf

Eduard sounds actually pretty nice. Instead of Ayato I was thinking of Valentine from Monster high bc I remembered Toralies and Clawdeens little sister and their debate on who's the better looking vampire.

"NO, obviously it's is Edweird~" - quoted from Toralie

Pasta Cinderella sister tries poisoning her other sister gone wrong 4k 1080p high quality HD

on blue ray never!

That design sounds scary just thinking about it 😭 Pumpkin head spaghetti hair but also a bad scarecrow? Man these streets be ratchet asf. Also, are they Italian? All this wordplay with pasta and pizza makes me go, "Yep that's Italian. Italian is when remarked worldwide foods." /hj

And you know, I start to love royal characters more when the have ridiculous names instead of actual ones. Ask Me For Directions Arnold from Genshin's summer event was SOOOO funny and lovable (He was a crow statue that had a crush on Mona and it was the cutest thing ever!)

When they have actual names, its boring and I don't wanna suck up to the monarchy so 😑

Thanks for giving me insight on all of you characters renpy anon! It was so fun analyzing their summaries and how they came to be! Lots of reading for literally just waking up, but it kept me busy and I thoroughly enjoyed doing so.