#I mean yeah it sucks to become a dragon I suppose but that has nothing to do with hyrule nor the emotional core of the plot

[rawliverandgoronspice]

So let me get this straight. TOTK!Rauru had repeatedly requested that the Gerudo join the ‘protective embrace’ of his kingdom, to serve him. Protection from whom? The monster clans? If anything, the Gerudo seem at the peak of their power! They have some measure of control over the molduga, the fiercest of the desert’s monsters. It’s also established elsewhere that the Secret Stones merely amplify one’s existing power—that one would catapult Ganon to near-unstoppable heights speaks of his already formidable might. With him at the helm, the Gerudo were ready and willing to invade Hyrule. Until Rauru demonstrated a superweapon that quite literally vaporized any notion of a military assault—a superweapon that Rauru (and his cohort) brazenly wears. Ganon is entreating a party wearing nuclear launch codes around their necks! And those aren’t even the only Secret Stones in Rauru’s possession, later handing those out as he sees fit to the Sages. Of course, the narrative portrays Rauru as someone who would never abuse that kind of power—he’s a Good King. But that’s a terrifying Sword of Damocles.

Yep. Pretty much.

Also I'd like to point out that apparently, Rauru's "sin", and what passes off as his character arc (so far, I haven't finished the whole game yet), is that he was too confident that he'd keep Ganondorf under control as a vassal? Like, okay what were the options otherwise? What should he have done that he didn't do? Like in OoT/TP beforehand: was Rauru supposed to simply imprison the king of a foreign nation just because he didn't pass the vibe check --or worse, kill him off? And then what happens to the gerudo? I feel like we've gone down this road before, and it didn't lead anywhere pretty...

This is what I mean about the poor character writing in this game: I think Rauru is supposed to be the emotional core of the story, and he might be the only one with an "arc" so far, but his flaw/regret is... a whole bunch of nothing? Unless you think he should have commited genocide to protect his kingdom from evil, according to the game that refuses to examine his actions/power, there's nothing he should have done differently besides... not having his wife be murdered? That's not a character arc, that's just an unfortunate event you participated in unwillingly!! To make a comparaison that is worth being brought up: the king of Hyrule in BotW worked much better in that regard, because he is indeed partially responsible for the fall of his kingdom through the pressure he inflicted upon his daughter and the prideful belief that he could control a force of nature (Calamity Ganon being treated as such in that game) through technology; both of these attitudes costing him everything, condemning his daughter to a century-long fight and said technology ruling the lands through terror in his stead. As a ghost, he haunts the wreckage waiting for the hero to wake up to try and finally correct his mistakes through Link.

I think they kind of wanted to do that again in TotK, but it extremely doesn't land in my opinion because Rauru has no flaw --beyond, apparently, not being bigoted enough?

[sunflowerandstrawberryspice]

Before we begin as always: This is all for fun and is not meant to be taken to seriously everyone please be nice or at least civil. Okay? Awesome read on!

Alrighty I'm feeling a little irritated after a not so lovely comment on one of my fics (that has literally NOTHING to do with Jay) about how I don't often write about him if at all. Now I just kinda ignored the comment cause this was the same person who said I couldn't I took what they said with a grain of salt so yeahhhhhh (like seriously I had to mention that cause it's just such a weird thing to say since Ninjago has said multiple times that Zane is just as human as the others so???)

But anyways I want to start by saying yeah that's true I don't write about Jay very often, in fact I have never written a fic centered around him BUT I will never go out of my way to vilify him outside of the actions he takes IN CANNON because I try to stay in character when writing unless it's an AU that might shift their personalities a bit but not by much. But this brings me to an issue I've come across more than once and it sort of bothers me and its: the erasure of Jay's more negative qualities.

Now I'm not saying that Jay is an irredeemable villain here I'm just saying that he has said/done things that aren't good that a lot of people seem very keen on just ignoring or in some cases outright denying, and I get it it sucks when our favorite characters are flawed trust me my favorite character is GARMADON so I have plenty of experience in liking characters with flaws lol. BUT just because we like them doesn't mean they don't HAVE those flaws.

Like Jay (since he's who we're suppose to be focusing on rn) is kind of an ass multiple times especially early in the series. Now I hate the love triangle because it fucked up literally all people involved and I found it super annoying but I think Jay was painted in a particularly bad light. For example Jay straight up attacking Cole even though Cole had ZERO clue about the whole perfect match thing, like imagine if out of no where your best friend ATTACKED YOU saying you were trying to "steal" (I hate that phrase btw so dumb cause Nya's a person) the person they liked? Probably would feel really crummy.

Now I do understand that Jay probably has some form of anxiety but that doesn't mitigate the fact throughout the series Jay has a tendency to get freaked out and then lose his temper, in more recent seasons it's happened less frequently which I'm going to chose to interpret as him growing up but is likely just because in later season the writing tends to muddy the waters on most characters (we don't even talk about crystalized because it doesn't exist, like seriously Lloyd talks about Harumi in Dragons Rising like Crystalized never happened which I'm a big fan of) but yeah. I've never been a huge Jay fan myself but his cannon character is interesting and I'd understand why people would like him since again he's not an irredeemable monster he's a person.

But yeah, I love Ninjago and I love being a part of the fandom but I don't love how sometimes people overlook the charcters negative traits and that really bothers me since more than one of the characters go through arcs (some more subtle than others) to become better people. Like I also think people underplay Nya's anger issues, Kai's can be as well but to a lesser extent SOMETIMES, which is unfortunate because that's part of their arcs of growing into new more mature people. All of the characters have their problems it's what makes them interesting to follow, I'm a huge fan of Garmadon and he is EXTREMLY flawed but that's what makes him an interesting character especially since he's trying to be better (again lol).

In conclusion I love over analyzing this Lego show cause even if its shit sometimes the characters it created are super fun to play with much like actual Legos! I don't hate any characters (except for Nadakahn and The Mechanic fuck those two they're creepy as shit) I love getting to talk about them and am totally open for conversations about them because as you can tell from this post I am a natural born yapper and I love to hear other peoples thoughts/views so feel free to say something as long as you're willing to keep it civil!

I hope y'all have a great day/night PEACE OUT!

[autumnbrambleagain]

Earlier Elder Scrolls titles: So yeah the tsaesci were gold-scaled snake naga vampire immortals

Later Elder Scrolls: Actually those were just translation errors mostly! Tsaesci just look like Japanese people

like i appreciate doing the "oh historical accounts exaggerated things in metaphor and people took it seriously" but consider this instead, Todd Howard,

when choosing between a "snake-bodied immortal gold-scaled vampire samurai", and "Japanese people but they're a different species called asian" you picked not only the shitty out-dated racist version,

but you picked the BORING one

on TES lore forums back in the early 00s i used to hang out with the old developers of the games and they had a saying "that's boring and therefore wrong" and it's stuck with me in world design and storytelling ever since

i love morrowind, and it's the only game of its kind that lets me either spend all day playing Animal Crossing and decorating my house OR going on walking simulator adventures OR having intense battles with complex magic systems,

but god honestly so much of it is kidna outta date

i don't mean "oooooh euuuurrr it has plantation slavery in it you can't depict bad things in a game" honestly like no i think morrowind is a pretty good for its time examination of colonialism it's a very colonialism problems the game on purpose it's engaging it's fun

it has lore with rape and stuff in it because yeah it's engaging in the long myth history of the world and there's weird shit in mythology that's fun, modern fantasy stopped engaging with the history of myth and started it over and now it's only in dialogue with the past 30 years of dungeons and dragons and that's boring as FUCK,

but like my standards have improved. morrowind basic bitch too often. morrowind does "this is the species called 'black people'" and that's where it goes "uhhhhhhhhhh." because like holy shit all the cool redguard lore, most of that was added in afterwards and in TR and shit like ooooh buddy

there's so much potential in the sidelore and fans have added fun shit like sloads (giant necromancy slugs with living airships like hell yeah okay that's neat) and the 20 khajiiti forms and TR is supposed ot make the telvanni weird again so like hell yeah but

god so much of morrowind deep down really is just part of the ES tradition of "this species of people are Africans. this species of people are Romans. this species of people are the Japanese." and while it's not as bad as in Oblivion so much of morrowind feels its age where parts are phoned in, where parts are taken for granted, where, like

you know when you're writing you can fall into the trap of writing in stock phrases? so that everything you write is just something someone else said already, cut up and put together? it was a dark and stormy night but like for real using nothing but preconstructed phrases like legos? no real thought or effort put into how you're making the words go?

like that but for a setting is morrowind

gimme a fantasy setting where no one's a human. i don't mean furries i mean make it fucking WEIRD. since when did fantasy stop being weird?

it's become a hollow game of telephone an echo chamber in the literal sense of ideas disintegrating over time and becoming cheap mimicries of mimicries

stop doing "oh look we have elves but we gave them a TWIST" stop fucking putting elves in it entirely

tolkein invented elves off of several fae myths and then everyone went "well fantasy has to have elves for sure"

gimme weirdass rankin bass shit

the message of the movie fucking sUCKS but look at this adventuring party from flight of dragons

two dragons, a knight, a robin hood, a little gnome asshole, and a talking daddy wolf? okay now we're STARTING to get somewhere.

stop giving me "this is a mysterious fantasy race from a mysterious fantasy world... they're called... the Byzantine Empire! they have an emperor and--" stop giving me "the mysterious and haughty elves... but in this setting... they use TECHNOLOGY instead of MAGIC--" no fuck off

fantasy, and human history, extends beyond the release of ADnD

and it can go further in the other direction, too, we can move past it. we can move past "this species is a metaphor for this real life culture, with three unique things added in. no, we aren't doing it to like, do commentary on something in real life we just think Nords are fun SKYRIM BELONGS TO THE NORDS wait oops we released this just before the rise of white nationalism woops"

was it an interesting commentary on the rise of white ethnonationalism? was it even a realistic or engaging look at it? n. no. no not really the actual conflict of the Altmer trying to crush Talos because they want to revert things to the Dawn Era and Talos is decidedly shezzarine i mean you fucking visit sovngarde and see SHOR'S FUCKING THRONE and no one comments on how you're visiting akatosh's dead split personality's house while trying to defeat his """"son""" (alduin should have just been kept as fucking akatosh why did you make him his evil son why did you make it so dragons retroactively haven't been seen in eras THE EMPIRE HAD DRAGONS IN THE TIME OF MORROWIND WHAT THE FUCK you could have had the big hero at the end of oblivion (akatosh) be the bad guy of skyrim and you BABIED OUT OF IT FUCK YOU TODD HOWARD FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU YOU'RE BORING

elder scrolls literally has a species called the bretons, my dude those are LITERALLY JUST IRL FRENCH PEOPLE AND YOU ARE DOING NOTHING WITH IT

EMIL PAGLIARULO I WILL KNIFE FIGHT YOU IN THE STREETS LET'S GO

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Super 120

“Beep beep buweeeeep!”

“Lord Mosco says that this crappy robot gestalt is just like how Caulfila and Kale combined together to fight Goku, and therefore this episode is mathematically just as cool as the Kefla fight.”

“Oh, why are these people booing?!  Don’t they appreciate the way I push my glasses up my nose in every scene?!   It’s as if Universe 3 were somehow ‘hella mid’, but that simply can’t be accurate!”

So the field is really thinning out now.  Universe 7 has six fighters: Goku, Vegeta, Gohan, 17, 18, and Frieza.  With the most active fighters, they are currently in the lead.

Universe 11 has done absolutely nothing for the past nine episodes.  They remain at three fighters: Jiren, Dyspo, and Top.  Despite having the fewest fighters, they remain the team with the greatest advantage in power, thanks to Jiren. 

Meanwhile, Universe 3 is somehow still in this thing with five... ahem... fighters: Dr. Paparoni, Biarra, Koitsukai, Borareta, and Pancéa.  They all look like trash.

I’m not convinced that Paparoni even is a fighter, since we never see him fight.  the implication here is that he built/upgraded several of his teammates, and he’s only on the team so he can directly supervise them on the stage.  That’s stupid, since the other teams can receive instructions directly from their respective gods, like when Belmod and Helles telepathically contacted their guys, or when Champa and Beerus scream at theirs.

So Paparoni chooses this moment to make his big play, and sicks his four robot warriors on the U7 team.  I guess this is sensible for two reasons.

First, U11 has made it clear that they plan to sit out the rest of this tournament and clean out whoever’s left standing to win it all.  They won’t interfere, so U3 has a clear shot at U7. 

Technically, U3 doesn’t need to beat U11 at all, since they have more fighters.  All they need to do is eliminate some of U7′s team, take the lead, and then run down the clock.  So despite Jiren’s fearsome power, Universe 7 still has the target on their back.  

And actually, when I put it that way, this makes U11′s stand-around-and-wait strategy seem smarter than I gave it credit for.  The less active they are, the more obvious it becomes for the competition to attack each other. 

There’s just one problem with that, and it’s that attacking Universe 7 is a really tall order.  Everyone’s been trying to take them out since this thing started, and no one’s gotten very far.  Paparoni sics Biarra on 17 and 18, and they just... defeat him.  I mean, it takes a little while, but the fight’s incredibly simply.  Biarra’s whole thing is his defense, but 17 and 18 have unlimited stamina, so they just keep attacking until they wear him down.  Biarra was expecting them to tire out first, but it never happens.  So they throw him out. 

Meanwhile... ugh, these things look like shit.  Also I’m pretty sure they weren’t this big before.  Anyway, Koitsukai, Borareta, and Pancéa attack Goku, Vegeta, and Gohan.  But Gohan insists on fighting all of them by himself, so that Goku and Vegeta can be fresh for the endgame.  Also, these three dopes suck, so I feel like Gohan should be able to handle them on his own.

They do all this computery shit where they analyze their opponents’ moves or whatever, but it doesn’t matter, because they look incredibly stupid.  Universe 3 is supposed to be the high-tech robot cyborg universe, so why are all of their guys so crappy looking?  They should have a T-800 endoskeleton in this thing. 

This is like the Sigma Force from GT.  Oh, I just made myself sad.

Goku’s like “That’s my boy!” Awww.  Well, that’s one cool thing about this episode.

Anyway, once 17 and 18 eliminate Biarra, the U3 gods order Paparoni to execute “Plan X”.  Goodness, what could this secret technique possibly be?

Yeah, all three robots combine to form a bigger, worse-looking robot.  I saw this coming a long time ago, when that one robot looked like a platform with big legs, and the other one looked like a toroso with teeny limbs.  The only thing that surprised me was how the combined form has arms sticking out of the sides of its head.  It just looks so damn stupid.  It really is the Sigma Force all over again.

So Goku and Vegeta jump in to help, and they keep “Koicéareta” busy while Gohan charges a Kamehameha to take it down.  Then they corner Paparoni and demand his surrender.  The one saving grace here is Vegeta’s smug little grin after they win. 

But Paparoni refuses to give up, and he activates his ultimate ultimate technique!  Hint: It also sucks.

Wow, Dr. Paparoni did not have the cure I was thinking of.  I guess I need a second opinion from... Dr. Love.

Wait, Universe 3 should have had the evil KISS robots from “Phantom of the Park”.  Those guys were badass.

[ultramagicalternate]

ULTRAMagic Prelude Chapter 30

Previous | First | Interlude

Master Post

“Still bothered by Leif having to reincarnate, Blood?” Dragoslava asked as she ate her sundae.

“Yeah… it still bites.”

“Well hey, don’t worry about it too much. I know how you feel. At least he’s going out on his own terms.”

Blood-Wraith looked over to the others, seeing Leif and Deimos happily recounting their past. “I suppose you’re right, sister.”

Dragoslava glanced across from her, noticing Ekaterina was slow to eat her food. “Eka, don’t tell me you're bummed out too…”

“Oh, what? Me? Um, no… uh… I… I just didn’t expect to be here like this.”

“Foresight is something you should work on,” Vexation pointed out. “Nothing is set in stone, therefore one must be ready to deal with whatever life puts before them. We could have died or we could have had a change of heart had we won. Another aspect of this is how you deal with these issues. Actions mean everything…”

“Vex, were you one of my people? Because that sounds like something my dad or the king would say” Dragoslava cut in.

“I couldn’t say. My memories are incredibly hazy…”

Vlastimir had been sitting next to Ekaterina, the four unaware he had been listening in. “Hey, Ekaterina?”

She was startled. “Vlastimir! Don’t do that!”

He laughed. “Can we go out on a date when we get back?”

“Excuse me? Why?” Ekaterina received no response, just a patient silence. “Um, sure?”

“Thank you very much! You’ll have to bare with me though, as I’m a bit off my rocker, ha!”

Ekaterina then looked over to Vexation, who was giving her a look that reiterated his previous point. “Right, right… Very well, Vlastimir. I do expect a fancy dinner… and for you to tell me about yourself.”

This Made Vlastimir smile and be super giddy. “Will do, will do, will absolutely do!”

It turned out that the others had also been listening in and were giggling and chuckling. This led to Ekaterina turning red with embarrassment. Aside from that, the rest of the feast went well. Near the end, Leif was becoming more luminous, signaling it was time for him to get going. The Unspeaker got up from his chair and began making the final preparations. The skies were cleared, the wind was settled, and the city was made neat and tidy. Everything was ready to go for The Dragon of Old.

Leif looked at the stars, then to the group. “Blood-Wraith, Dragoslava, Desislav, Tusk, Vlastimir? It has truly been an amazing journey with you all. Deimos and I can’t even begin to thank you enough for all the help that you have given us” he stated with pride.

“Each of you have gone above and beyond in assisting us,” Deimos added. “Make no mistake about it, your deeds will be remembered for all of eternity.” 

“I wish you didn’t have to go, Leif,” Blood-Wraith stated. “It feels like we just met you. Will we ever see you again?”

“I have no doubt about it. Goodbyes aren’t forever after all.”

“It sucks you won’t be able to show up for Kresimira’s wedding…” Dragoslava pointed out.

“I know. Don’t worry, I’ll find a way regardless.”

“I have to agree with Blood,” said Desislav. “It really does feel like time just flew right past us.”

Tusk nodded. “Agreed. And Leif? It is an honor to witness your return to The Ennead.”

“No matter what happens, I will never forget any of you…” At this point Leif was glowing brilliantly as the group felt tears beginning to well up in their eyes. “I guess it’s finally time. Goodbye, everyone. May we meet again someday…”

Leif took off into the sky, shining intensely amongst the stars. What looked like stardust emanated from him as he flew away. Refusing to leave his friend alone in his final moments, Blood-Wraith turned into Golden Dragon and soared after him. He also wanted to make sure nothing went wrong. This made Leif shed a tear as he saw this. The two dragons traveled a great distance until Leif vanished in a spectacular flash of light. He had finally left the Cosmos.

So many things rushed through the old dragon’s head as he traversed a sea of light and warmth. Were the others going to be alright without him? Would Deimos need any help in the future? Was the Iron City going to be safe? The anxiety was incredible until something had finally calmed him. A giant, glowing being embraced him with open arms, which allowed a tranquility to quell Leif’s fears. He was finally home. Some time passed afterwards where he rested until one day when things had gone inexplicably dark. This was followed by a blinding light and the sounds of familiar voices. He laughed, happy beyond words.

Upon returning to the others, Blood-Wraith cried in his sister’s arms. Losing a friend like that was overwhelming for him. Eventually he calmed down, with the others reassuring him everything was going to be alright. That is not to say they were all not sad themselves. The departure was sorrowful, yet beautiful. At the end of the day they were happy to see that Leif was finally at peace. Knowing that made it easier for all of them to move on.

“Alright, let’s go home…” Blood-Wraith conceded with one last sniffle. “How do we get home?”

The Unspeaker clapped “Ah-ha! Normally I’d send you back to The Iron City, free of charge. Alas, someone is making their way to the Basalt Monolith Forest, a certain duke of yours…” he elaborated.

Dragoslava felt her happiness come back in full force. “Oh my! Blood! Dad came looking for us!” She exclaimed as she swung her brother around. “THAT MEANS BACK HOME IS SAFE, HAHA!”

“Wait, I get to meet dad?”

“Yes yes yes, that too!”

Desislav got a little nervous. “Oh boy, I hope I’m ready for this…”

“Don’t worry, big guy. I’m sure he’ll like you” Dragoslava replied.

Deimos cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention. “Everybody? Unfortunately I have some loose ends to tie up, so I won’t be heading back just yet. Plus I need to spend some time with my son. I promise that I won’t be long and that I’ll check in whenever I can.”

Tusk smiled. “Well don’t stay away for too long. I’m sure dad wants to meet you and… I FORGOT TO ASK WHERE MOM IS!” Everyone laughed.

“Don’t worry, I’ll go get her,” Blood-Wraith assured him. “Is she at the Magician’s Labyrinth like my mom is?” he inquired.

“Yeah. Are you sure you want to…?”

“Awesome! I just may need to get ready first…”

“Thank you, Blood-Wraith.”

The Unspeaker looked at his watch. “Well just look at the time: Best not keep his grace waiting…” He opened a portal that led to the entrance of the forest. Once all the farewells were said, the group entered the portal and left The Dark Grand Desert.

Deimos took a deep breath and let out a sigh of relief. “My goodness, that was something else… and I still have work to do afterwards…”

“Ain’t no rest for the wicked, right Deimos?” The Screaming God asked.

“Pretty much. I’m also concerned about Blood-Wraith, truth be told.”

The three began walking. The Unspeaker had a hunch he knew what was up. “It’s the ULTRAMagic Guild, isn’t it? Ultimatum has entered the Unlight after all.”

“Indeed. I have no fear in regards to Dunja and Milosh. Their plans have failed and Englehart will deal with them in due time. It’s Darkmage Valerie I’m worried about…”

“What about Morrigan Devilfay and Eliza-Rex?” The Screaming God added.

“Eloise, son. Her name is Eloise at the moment” The Unspeaker clarified.

Deimos groaned. “Them too… Will Blood be able to deal with all of that?”

“I wouldn’t worry, Deimos. He proved incredibly resilient against Vlad. Plus he’ll have the guild by his side” The Unspeaker replied. Despite his knowledge, even he was not fully sure. Still, he spoke with confidence in his voice. “I’m surprised we haven’t mentioned Vlad IV…”

“...Uh-huh, yeah. I was just about to bring that up. What were you thinking?” Deimos glared at The Unspeaker who remained silent.

“What’s… what’s the matter?” The Screaming God asked.

“Scream, let me clue you in on a small little detail: Vlastimir wasn’t supposed to be here. Hell, he wasn’t even supposed to be in The Unlight in the first place, let alone exist. He was a complete and utter anomaly I had to plan and work around. Funny how his birth is tied to my actions…”

The Unspeaker thought about what he was going to say next. “I suppose it’s best that I don't mention his ties to a certain Primordial…”

“OH BOY, DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT MESS!” Deimos rubbed his temples. “Why does The Nightmare of Old have to be so chaotic? Who thought legion Primordials were a good idea?”

The Screaming God was confused. “Wait, didn’t mom say they all reincarnated… aside from the outliers?”

“It appears one of them was reborn, no thanks to that troublemaking Monolith of Old. I’ll just have to deal with it as it pops up. I’m not too worried, just concerned for the ramifications” Deimos explained. “Don’t worry, Scream: This shouldn’t have any serious effect on the Cosmos… I hope.”

“So what do you plan to do about the ULTRAMagic Guild?” The Unspeaker inquired, wanting to shift the conversation back to where they had started.

“Honestly? I’ll join them when the time comes and provide as much help and guidance as I can. What else can I do?”

“Well there you go. And honestly I think you’ll get along well with them…”

Deimos gave The Unspeaker another look. “Jeez, what are you? My dad?”

“Ha, no. Just trying my best to look at the bright side…” He checked his watch. “By the way, I do believe your son is waiting for you.”

“Yup, time to get moving…”

“Good luck to you, Deimos” The Screaming God concluded. “I hope everything goes well for you” 

“Thanks, kid. Well, here goes nothing.” Deimos opened his own portal and stepped out onto Darkness. He certainly had a lot of work ahead of him. Thankfully he would have his son by his side to keep him company.

To be continued… 

Next: Interlude

ULTRAMagic Alternate © 2022 William Ford II (ChaoticTempleKnight)

[dontbipanicjonsa]

Did Kit suddenly lose his ability to heart-eye or is Pol!Jon actually a thing.

I'm late to the fandom but I just finished S7 and I'm having thoughts.

I'm a reader of the books, and I hadn't watched the show till now because... I suck at watching shows with hour long episodes and more than three seasons.

What made me decide to watch it was the Pol!Jon discourse I found on the Internet.

I know enough about the show to understand how unlikely and out of character this theory would seem to show watchers. At the same time, I fully believe that book!Jon would be fully capable of something like this. But also, even though I do ship Jonsa in the books, I can't deny that Jonerys is.....a big deal. Everyone expects it to happen. It's a highly anticipated pairing and....I just couldn't honestly believe Pol!Jon because it is just so against the general expectation.

So I decided to watch the show. And now I've finished season 7 and I am astounded.

Let me preface this by saying that I went into S7 already disliking Jonerys (sue me) but I still fully expected to have some serious doubts about the validity of Jonsa. I fully expected to be at least somewhat convinced of Jonerys. Even hating the idea of Jon and Danaerys together, I still expected more.

There are a number of things I would like to note here.

First, Jonerys is a romance that is told, not shown. Davos talks about Jon watching Dany's "good heart" (hehe) to tell us Jon is attracted to Dany. But then Jon immediately dismisses it- and not in a way that looks like he's deflecting. He's not only dismissing it, he's dismissive of it. His mind is not in the conversation, it is beyond the Wall.

Similarly, Tyrion says (not in those words), "yeah right, and Jon only looks at you longingly coz he wants a military alliance with you". Not sure what I'm supposed to think about that....? First, Jon doesn't look at Dany longingly at all???? Not once. Second, is this line supposed to suggest that Jon is looking at her longingly for a reason that is not desperately wanting a military alliance....? Because we already know that that's exactly what he does want. Wtf do I make of this statement?????

There are other examples, but the point remains. People keep talking about Jon and Dany being into each other, and that is what is supposed to convince us that they are into each other (well yea Dany is) but Jon gives no indication of looking at her longingly, of falling in love with her, of being intrigued by her even. He's a brick wall.

Alright, I'll concede one (1) scene where I saw legitimate attraction on his face for a second- that is the cave scene. Even there tho, it's hard to tell if he's just watching her reaction carefully or if he wants to bang her.

On the other hand, Dany shows that she is into him. Even so, when I say she's into him, I mean she's attracted to him and intrigued by him. I cannot believe she loves him.

Next, I think it's interesting that in the episode before (or was it the same episode?) Jon bends the knee, we have a number of people (Tormund, Beric) talk about stuff like- kings not bending the knee leading to people dying, knowing what's important (the fight against the dead), being the shield that guards the realm of men blah blah I don't remember the exact words. Then he sees the WW and the Army of the Dead (again) and sees a dragon die. And then, the first opportunity he gets, he bends the knee. I want to point out here that the scenes really emphasise on Jon's thinking face after every conversation he has during their little gay party beyond the Wall. They focus on the look on his face again while he's watching the Army. Multiple times. And there's clearly something going on in his head, gears are turning.

One other scene that struck me is the scene where Jon and Dany are saying goodbye to each other (the Eastwatch episode). In the same episode (if I remember correctly) Jon calls them strangers, and then the goodbye scene comes and Dany says to Jon's little morbid joke, "I've grown used to him". Him being Jon. Two things to note here-

One, Jon considers them strangers but Dany has gotten "used to him". Maybe it's nothing, or maybe it's an indication of how the two of them are absolutely not on the same page (about anything).

Second, Jon's face after she says that. It shuts down. Like a door slamming. And then he says that "wish you good fortune in the wars to come" line, which has ZERO romance, or longing, but a whole lot of bad precedent (does that make sense?). Ouch. The thought that occured to me here is that Dany is being somewhat obvious about her feelings, and maybe, just maybe Jon has picked up on it. And that is why he reacts the way he does.

I wasn't sure so I compared the scene with the Jonsa forehead kiss scene in S6, and Jon's expressions after that kiss.

My logic was this- I assume that either Jon has become aware of Dany's feelings in the Eastwatch goodbye scene, or his own feelings for her. One of these assumptions is true. Which one?

If Jon has feelings for Sansa, then his confusion/awareness/discomfort regarding that are seen in that forehead kiss scene. So if Jon has become aware of his feelings for Dany, let's see how these two scenes compare?

My dudes. There is no comparison. Go watch it.

I watched both scenes with sound off, and the difference is insane. Jon looks at Sansa's lips. There's a moment's pause that's full of tension, and then his face shuts in a way, but it's a bit confused, a bit thoughtful.

Jon does not look at Dany's lips. He does not look confused, or thoughtful. This is not a romance.

Side observation- speaking of showing and telling, it's funny how we're shown Jon looking at Sansa's wolf bits, and told that Jon looks at Dany's good heart. Yes I'm talking about boobs but wolf bits and good heart is funnier. We literally see Jon look at the wolf bits twice, talk about it himself, in a completely unnecessary conversation...as opposed to being entirely dismissive of the good heart, even when someone else brings it up.

Back to the main point, one last thing I'd like to talk about is the scene where Jon actually bends the knee (not really). First, there are still no heart-eyes. Definitely not from Jon. Second, it's funny how Jon uses the exact hand-grabbing move that Sansa used on him last season, when she was trying to convince him to do something he didn't particularly wanna do (like he's now trying to do with Dany). This means that

1) he learnt that move from Sansa. He knows how effective it is XD

2) if the Jonerys hand-grab is romance, it stands to reason that the Jonsa hand-grab is romance too. I mean both the grabs are suspiciously similar.

Then, even after Dany "promises" that she'll help the North fight the WW, Jon still bends the knee. I felt both an odd sense of urgency coming from him, and an understandable hesitation. Or maybe that's just me.

Now suddenly, he becomes complimentary of her. But there's something weird about his compliments. They are completely generic. "They'll see you for what you are" and in the later episode, "you're not like the others". Wtf does that MEAN ??

Here's the thing...Jon could have paid Dany a way more specific, genuine sounding compliment after bending the knee (complete with heart eyes). I mean she did just fly over the Wall to rescue him and his men. He could have said more, something meaningful, but he didn't. He bent the knee like a house on fire (that doesn't make sense but you get what I mean I hope) and paid generic compliments. Then he pretended to sleep until she left and then sighed very loudly.

??? Romance??? WHERE????

Then the dragon pit. Heart-eyes still missing.

Then the sex scene. What do I say? Lol.

No really. There are no heart eyes even during the sex scene. Honestly, idk what that face was. Not in love for sure.

Another side note- Arya and Sansa have talks while standing in the same place where the forehead kiss scene happened (wtf do you call that place again, the bridge.??) But no heart eyes. No lingering looks. There is no incestuous gay love between them, I can say for sure. All it does is prop up the odd incestuous vibes of the Jon Sansa scene in that same place.

ANOTHER side note- goddamn but does Sansa talk about Jon a lot.

Edit: I'm sure most of this stuff has already been discussed in other metas. My purpose here is only to put down my first thoughts after watching the season.

[theres-an-impulstor-among-us]

Hi there!

I finally have an idea for the sequel to the angst! By the way, it really did help. Less strong emotions :D

Anyways, idea. Woot woot-

Wels, as a kind of revenge for the death of Hels, wants to save some other helsmits from the world that is Hels. Because it sucks there. He ends up secluding himself from the server to try this. When somebody goes to check on him, they find an obsidian portal frame with a firey red portal contained within. Queue Wels and another Helsmit conveniently coming through, and Wels having to quickly explain before the Hermit tells X-

this is a long boi!!! lol

first part here

...

This is it. This is the moment Wels has been waiting for. After weeks of hiding out in his house, doing experiment after experiment, he’s finally managed to create a portal directly to Helscraft. Now he can finally start on his mission.

He steps through the portal and finds himself facing a bridge across a gigantic ravine with lava at the bottom. On the other side is a mountain made of netherrack and magma blocks, some of which are on fire.

Shivering, he crosses the bridge slowly, one step at a time, keeping a wary eye out for any helsmits around. There doesn’t seem to be any.

Until he steps off the bridge, glances up, and happens to spot a familiar person sitting in a “tree” made of soul sand and bone blocks. Familiar except red eyes, red streaks in his hair, a much shorter stature, and black-and-magenta dragon-like wings.

“Hi,” he says cautiously.

“Helsknight…?” The person narrows their eyes. “Why do you look different?”

“I’m not Helsknight, I’m his hermit counterpart.”

The helsmit blinks in surprise. “Welsknight? What are you doing here in Helscraft?”

“Are you Grian’s helsmit?” asks Wels, avoiding the question.

“...surely you can tell,” the helsmit scoffs. “Yeah, I’m Xelqua, Grian’s helsmit. Why’re you here? Where’s Helsknight?”

Again, Wels tries to avoid the question. “Were you… close to Helsknight?”

“Not really.” Xelqua again narrows his eyes. “What do you mean by that? Where IS he?”

“He’s…” Wels hesitates and bows his head. “I’m really sorry, but he… he passed away.”

He hears a sharp intake of breath from Xelqua.

“I’m sorry,” he says uselessly.

“Why are you here?”

Wels looks back up at Xelqua. “What?”

“WHY ARE YOU HERE?” demands Xelqua loudly. “What, is it not enough that we exist here in this HELLISH place?! You wanna come here and take it over too?! Drive us out AGAIN?!”

“I- No!” Wels hurriedly shakes his head. “No no no! I came here to invite you back to Hermitcraft.”

A flash of shock flickers over Xelqua’s face. “Why the hell would you do that?”

“Because Helsknight wanted all of you to be free. He sacrificed himself for me, so I’m carrying on his dream.” Wels offers his hand to the helsmit. “Xelqua, come with me to Hermitcraft. I can get you a better life there.”

“Wow.” Xelqua appears not to know how to react to this unexpected offer. “What do you get in return?”

“Nothing.”

Xelqua rolls his eyes. “SURE.”

“No, really,” Wels insists. “I want to help you, all of you. I’m not asking for anything in return. I just want you guys to have a better life.”

Xelqua regards Wels with a half-suspicious look. “Why me, of all the helsmits?”

“I want to save all of you at some point. You seem like a good place to start.”

The helsmit doesn’t appear to have a response to this.

“Please, Xelqua,” says Wels softly. “Give me a chance.”

Xelqua is silent for a while as he processes this in his head. Finally, he says, “Okay. I won’t turn down a chance to go to Hermitcraft.”

Wels can’t help an excited smile. “Great! You won’t regret it.”

When Xelqua hops down from the “tree”, Wels is surprised to discover that the helsmit is only just half his height. The height of a child, despite looking almost exactly like Grian.

“Okay, come this way,” he says.

He leads Xelqua back down the bridge and over to the portal. “Will you be able to come through?” he asks.

“I dunno, you’re the brainiac hermit,” Xelqua responds. “Will I die if I go through?”

“Not inherently, but…”

Xelqua shrugs. “Whatever. Death is better than another day in Helscraft anyway. YOLO.”

Wels blinks as Xelqua steps through the portal. Did he just say… YOLO?!

He hurriedly follows Xelqua. As soon as he steps foot in his house on the other side, however, he sees Xelqua frozen on the platform. When he steps forward, he sees why.

One of his friends is standing at the bottom of the staircase, staring at him in shock and horror.

Wels blinks, his heart starting to pound. “...J-Jevin. Hi. You’re in my house.”

“Of course I’m in your dang house, Wels!” snaps Jevin. “You haven’t been seen on the server for WEEKS! And now you come out of a demonic nether portal with a DEMON?!”

Wels quickly pushes Xelqua behind him. “He’s not a demon, Jev. His name is Xelqua. He’s Grian’s helsmit.”

Jevin’s eyes widen and he steps back.

Wels sees his friend’s muscles bunching. “Jev, no…!”

Jevin takes another step back.

“JEV.”

“Somehow a demon would have been BETTER!” yells Jevin, before taking off running.

Wels sprints after him. He’s a lot faster than Jevin so he’s able to tackle his friend to the ground at the top of the stairs.

“Jev, wait!” Wels grunts, trying to hold his squirming friend down. “Hear me out!”

“Are you INSANE?!” Jevin shrieks back. “WHY would you bring a helsmit here?!”

As Wels is about to respond, a dry voice comes from behind them. “Now I know why you said you wanted to avoid this guy, Wels.”

Wels twists his head upwards to find Xelqua standing over them, arms folded. “I didn’t say-.”

“The hell’s that supposed to mean?” demands Jevin, disentangling himself from Wels.

The hint of a smirk is visible on Xelqua’s face. “He said you were pretty close-minded and quick to jump to conclusions.”

“I never said-!”

Wels is cut off as Jevin jumps to his feet and jabs his finger at Xelqua. “You shut your mouth. You’re not even supposed to be here!”

“I’m not the one judging someone I just met based on their nature of birth, Slime Face,” retorts Xelqua.

“If you call me that again, I’m gonna ram my fist in your eye,” Jevin growls.

Xelqua lifts his chin challengingly. “Go for it. I’m not afraid to fight an old man.”

As Jevin moves suddenly, Wels gets between them and holds his friend back. “Okay, STOP it! Both of you! Jev, be the bigger person here.”

“I AM the bigger person!” Jevin snaps back. “Literally!”

“Wow, a short joke,” Xelqua says expressionlessly. “Original. You proud of that one, Slime Face? You feel funny? Clever?”

Jevin’s hands curl into fists. “Wels, you better explain yourself before I punt this obnoxious kid straight into the goddamn sun.”

“Your stupid slimey foot would go right through me,” Xelqua responds immediately.

“Right, that’s it.”

Wels has to strain against Jevin to stop his friend from physically attacking Xelqua. “JEVIN. STOP.”

“Explain yourself, then!”

Wels quickly draws Jevin aside into the next room. “Look.” He takes a deep breath. “I spent months befriending my helsmit, learning about how he dreamt of freeing his siblings from their torturous existence, only for him to die before even being able to start on his dream. Helsmits aren’t inherently evil, Jev. Helsknight grew as a person right in front of me. With the right environment and people surrounding them, they can become good.”

He pauses, his gaze dropping to the floor. “Even if I can only change one helsmit’s life for the better then maybe Helsknight’s death didn’t have to be meaningless.”

Jevin gazes back at him, an odd expression on his face.

“Just…” Wels sighs quietly. “Please don’t tell Xisuma until I’m ready. If he finds out about this before Xelqua makes any noticeable improvements, he’ll have him thrown back to Helscraft and all this will be for nothing. Helsknight’s dream can’t die like that. I can’t… I can’t lose him all over again.”

A short pause follows his words.

Finally, Jevin unfolds his arms and says, “Okay. How can I help?”

“By not treating me like a stupid kid,” comes Xelqua’s voice.

Jevin turns to find the helsmit poking his head through the doorway. “Wasn’t talking to you, Parrot Boy.”

“I’m not a parrot,” Xelqua says. “I’m a dragon.”

“Sure.”

Scowling, Xelqua extends his jet black and magenta wings. “My wings are dragon wings.”

“Whatever you say, Parrot Boy.”

Xelqua glares at him and doesn’t respond.

Jevin raises an eyebrow. “Nicknames hurt, huh?”

“Jev,” sighs Wels. “You’re the adult here.”

“Why AM I the adult here?” Jevin demands. “If he’s Grian’s helsmit, why is he still a kid?”

Xelqua stomps his foot. “I’m not a kid!”

Ignoring him, Wels replies, “Helsmits are only born once a person becomes a hermit. Grian’s only been a hermit for a few years, so Xelqua hasn’t had a chance to grow up yet.”

“Hey, I’m PERFECTLY grown up!” snaps Xelqua. “I already know how to kill things without spilling much blood and how to steal stuff from a chest from right under someone’s nose.”

Wels and Jevin exchange a slightly concerned look.

“But you never had a normal childhood?” asks Jevin.

“I’M NOT A CHILD!” yells Xelqua angrily.

Jevin persists: “Have you ever even seen grass?”

Xelqua scowls. “...what’s grass?”

“Okay…” Jevin pauses for a moment. “Come up this way.”

As he goes to the door, Wels starts to speak: “Jev-.”

“I’ll be careful,” says Jevin reassuringly. “Come on, kid.”

Clearly deciding not to argue anymore, Xelqua follows Jevin out of the house. As soon as he gets outside, he glances up and immediately jumps almost a foot in the air. “What is that?!”

Jevin quickly identifies where he’s looking. “The sun.”

“That’s not the sun,” scoffs Xelqua.

“It is.”

Xelqua shields his eyes from the sunlight and squints up at the sky. “But it’s not hurting my skin.”

“It will if you stay out in it too long.” Jevin pauses. “Why, what’s your sun like?”

“Volatile,” Xelqua responds. “If it’s in a bad mood, it’ll set you on fire as soon as you step out in it. Which is almost every day.”

Jevin blinks. “Your sun is sentient?”

“Trust me, that’s not the weirdest thing that’s sentient in Helscraft.”

“Do I wanna ask?”

“Nope.” Xelqua lowers his hand. “So what’s this grass thing you mentioned?”

Jevin gestures at the ground. “What you’re standing on.”

“Really? This is grass?” Xelqua hops up and down on it a few times. “I thought it’d be a bit more interesting.”

“Lie down on it.”

Xelqua shoots him a suspicious look. “Why?”

“Just do it.”

After a moment, Xelqua lies down flat on the grass. “Okay, now what?”

“Look up at the sky,” Jevin responds. “See those clouds?”

Xelqua frowns up at the sky. “The grey things?”

“Yeah. Do you have clouds?”

“Not like those. Ours are spikey and red and rain lava.”

“Oh jeez…” Jevin shivers. “Well, these ones won’t hurt you. Just watch them for a while.”

“Okay…”

The two fall silent. Jevin watches the clouds himself for a while, before turning back to Xelqua, whose expression is almost completely blank. “So?”

“Weirdly, this is nice,” admits Xelqua. “It’s a bizarre concept to not be afraid of every single thing around me.” As if on cue, a few raindrops start to fall from the sky. Xelqua hops up as the rain gets heavier and dives between Jevin’s feet, clutching Jevin’s leg tightly. “WHAT IS THIS?!” he shrieks.

“It’s just rain!” Jevin reassures him, gently stroking his wings. “Don’t worry, it’s just rain. Just water. It won’t hurt you.”

After a moment, Xelqua sticks out his hand and lets some raindrops fall on it. When it doesn’t hurt him, he carefully emerges from his shelter and hovers just above the ground, closing his eyes against the rain falling on his face. A smile appears on his face and he shoots upwards, his beating wings scattering raindrops everywhere.

Shielding his eyes from the rain, Jevin laughs as he watches Xelqua shoot up through the clouds and dive back down several times. It’s like watching a foal discover how to run for the first time.

“How’s it going out here?” asks Wels, emerging from the building. Immediately, he lifts his arms to shield his head from the rain. “Oh! It doesn’t rain often on this server.”

Jevin continues to gaze up at Xelqua far above him. “...Wels?”

“Yeah?”

“This kid really needs a better life.”

Wels nods. “He does. They all do. This is what Helsknight wanted: for the helsmits to have the same opportunities as us. The same expansive resource-rich world to explore, not the barren hellscape they’re forced to live in year after year. To be able to live and grow without worrying about being robbed or hurt or attacked or murdered by the world and people around them. They have so much potential that’s not being realised because they’re stuck in literal hell. I won’t rest until they’re all as free as Helsknight almost was.”

After a brief pause, he glances over at Jevin and finds his friend smiling at him. He chuckles. “What’s that look for?”

“I’ve never seen you this passionate before,” says Jevin softly. “It’s nice.”

“It IS nice,” Wels agrees. “I haven’t had a cause like this to fight for in a long time.”

Jevin pats his friend on the shoulder. “If you ever need help with Xelqua, lemme know.”

Wels glances at him in surprise. “You want to help with Xelqua?”

“Yeah, I really do.”

“Why?”

As Jevin starts to respond, Xelqua suddenly lands on the ground in front of them, soaking wet. “What are you two nattering about?” he demands. “Come fly up here with me!”

“We can’t fly when it’s raining this heavily, Xelqua,” responds Wels. “It’s too wet for our elytras to work properly.”

“Oh.” Xelqua rolls his eyes. “You guys are lame.”

Wels raises an eyebrow back. “Mhm.”

As Xelqua takes off again, Jevin says, “To answer your question Wels, I want to help because I can tell Xelqua has the potential to be a good kid. He’s got some problems I wanna help iron out.”

“Wow, I…” Wels smiles gratefully. “I’d love the help. Thank you.”

At that moment, Xelqua reappears through the rain and holds out a shovel to the two. “I stole this from a chest in that guy’s house over there,” he says proudly. “He didn’t see me.”

“That’d be Beef’s house,” Wels sighs.

As Wels reaches for the shovel, Xelqua sharply steps back, hugging the shovel protectively.

Wels shakes his head. “You don’t have to steal things here, Xelqua. We’ll help you get your own stuff.”

“Oh…” Xelqua reluctantly relinquishes his prize to Wels.

“Thank you,” says Wels gently. “Do you want your own shovel?”

After a moment, Xelqua nods.

Wels smiles, feeling strong paternal instincts towards the kid.

“Okay, let’s get you a shovel.”

[aerltarg]

Maybe this is a stupid question, buuuuut:

I just can't imagine a world that Rhaegar comes back from the Trident, wins the war and becomes king. No, I'm not a anti Rhaegar, matter of fact I like him very much, I'm just can imagine how would Lya, little Jon, this whole affair, would settle in the capital. The norm that fics (at least those I read) tend to follow is to make Rhaegar:

1. A douche, paranoid and destiny-obessed king.

2. Completely incompetent, aloof monarch, that deep down has a heart of gold, but can't really be understood.

I mean, isn't he supposed to be a scholar since he was a kid? What's are your thoughts about it?

oh, yeah, i can totally understand this! it's is the whole point in canon actually, "the wrong man came back from the trident". you would expect a hero win against his antagonist and have a happy ending w his lady love but it doesn't happen. instead the subversion happens to them with rhaegar being killed by robert who becomes obviously a shitty king and lyanna dying after him. they were never supposed to have happy ending, they were created as tragic and doomed and dead from the beginning for the whole plot to start, jon to have his parentage mystery and dany to take the passed baton as the last dragon, prophesied savoir and the heir who has to carry entire house on her back now.

as for the realistic rhaegar wins aus that's the difficult question. tbh we just don't know enough abt their situation, plans and wishes. you see, e.g. in agot we can be right in ned's head and see his motivations, what he was thinking abt, what he was planning, what he was hoping to do. but if his story was told the way rhaegar's was i bet he would have his own crowd of haters and ~intellectuals~ jumping out every two seconds w their "hot takes" how actually all hints abt what rlly happened (ned being a good man w his own sense of honour, justice and experiences affecting him and the deal w cersei's children) doesn't matter and he was an ambitious prick, planned to grasp the power by being joffrey's regent and make his daughter sansa queen. (you can actually insert there any bullshit and still don't reach the level of stupidity of such "hot takes" this fandom loves so much lmao). also he would be blamed to the hell and beyond for being too stupid and not foreseeing the future and actions of other ppl bc ofc after everything happened it's so easy to say what was so obvious to notice. also they would say that the deaths of his men and horrible fates of his kids are 100% his fault and even straight up say he killed them lmao. i can rant abt it for hours so yeah. this is a situation w too many unknown variables bc it depends too much on actions of too many characters we don't know enough abt. the only thing it's possible to tell for sure is the fact that there couldn't be any perfect solutions since things got too complicated at this point.

such fics as you've mentioned tho are just a part of this dumb fanon where rhaegar is "too prophecy obsessed"/"incapable of love"/shrodinger's rhaegar both smart and stupid at the same time/whatever/all of this combined lmfao. the man was notably intelligent from the early age as you've absolutely rightly mentioned, his guesses abt himself being tptwp have nothing to do w egocentrism as some parts of the fandom would want us all to believe unless he wouldn't be so reasonable abt it and later on, after so many years, wouldn't have changed his mind and thought his son could be tptwp.

and literally fuck all antis that think you shouldn't consider prophecies that hold real power in this fantasy world lol. you know, aegon the conqueror was said to be motivated (or at least partly) to unify westeros by the prophecy and still got the treatment of perfect/maximum close to perfect figure of a leader everyone should look up to from the narrative and grrm. prophecy obsessed much, huh? i don't even talk abt all these parallels between him and rhaegar grrm put there not for bitches to ignore them completely! and i will never get tired of reminding that dismissing prophecies is UNWISE for targaryens of all people. the house whose story is built on the dream of young daenys and her father aenar that listened to her despite common sense (or what local "anti magic"/"anti prophecies" clowns consider to be common sense). targs would be as dead as the rest of dragonlords if not for daenys the dreamer. who else in the world has as many reasons to take prophecies seriously as them?

yet antis out there act as if rhaegar is one dimensional weirdo whose every character trait is abt mf ~prophecy obsession~. like how can they miss one of the main points so badly?? the game of thrones distracts ppl from the real danger beyond the wall, yk, the one rhaegar was aware of and meant to deal with. there wouldn't be such a problem if he became king and had as many years of head start before ice zombies apocalypse as ignorant bobby b did. rhaegar had to die just for westeros to sink in shit and our main heroes to save everyone to make this story more epic LMAO

so yeah, too many ppl portray rhaegar as this one dimensional robotic creature without any knowledge of what feelings are idk even for what reason. it seems these ppl can't read for real bc rhaegar was not only intelligent af as well as dutiful ("it seems i must be a warrior" but "he loved his harp more than his lance") but also. ugh emotional?? my boy had constant emo sessions w brooding at ruins of summerhall, sleeping out there beneath the stars all alone and writing songs that made all women cry. does it sound as someone who "isn't capable of love" lol? folks act as if he was completely heartless from the day he was born (bc he didnt play w other kids ig??) but in reality their emotional range is less than the one of a spoon in comparison to rhaegar's lol. i'm not even gonna address the horrible attitude of demonizing him for his implied depression, vile clowns never listen to themselves when they talk abt targaryens and their "madness".

tldr; these fics are mostly lame af and suck at characterization if they're making rhaegar like that lol. anyway his character isn't abt being a good or a bad king, it's abt being a would-be-king for characters in books and readers in reality to sigh over his tragic aura and pretty aesthetic abt how it could've been. however, grrm clearly doesn't write rhaegar as evil or incapable as some parts of the fandom would want to try to persuade others. realistically speaking in the scenario where he wins there couldn't be any perfect decisions but it's a territory of speculations on thin air and lit nothing more since canon doesn't provide us with enough information to rlly theorize anything instead of building biased headcanons some ppl call "analysis".

but remember what barristan said about rhaegar while practically watching him all his life, from a literal baby to the man grown:

“I know little of Rhaegar. Only the tales Viserys told, and he was a little boy when our brother died. What was he truly like?”

The old man considered a moment. “Able. That above all. Determined, deliberate, dutiful, single-minded.” (ASOS, Daenerys I)

“Prince Rhaegar’s prowess was unquestioned, but he seldom entered the lists. He never loved the song of swords the way that Robert did, or Jaime Lannister. It was something he had to do, a task the world had set him. He did it well, for he did everything well. That was his nature. But he took no joy in it. Men said that he loved his harp much better than his lance.” (ASOS, Daenerys IV)

[batarangsoundsdumb]

yet another ask dump yeehaw!

do you ever think that jay's mother was one of those bitch who believes in horoscope and tarots and things like that and so he believes in these things too, or it is just me projecting?

sheila haywood took one look at jason's birthchart said 'nah this won't do' and left.

Wait, but what happens when the justice league does find out that Bruce and John fucked? Lmao it sounds like it would be hilarious, really, I don’t want a justice league that doesn’t make fun of Bruce for like his entire life.

barry runs out of the meeting immediately and comes back with an entire sti testing kit. diana fully seriously wants bruce to get tested while bruce is sitting there like 'come on guys, you're being ridiculous, i already checked twice'

john is standing in the corner clearly offended while bruce is just like 'don't even say anything, constantine, you fucked a shark'

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

on the one hand, good for him, on the other hand, bro, how do you still have a secret identity when your superhero name is just your last name,,,,

Your fic on ao3 was GOLD PLEASE CONTINUE I loved Dinah's cameo btw ( @purple-vixen

thanks so much! i already continued but this ask is like 10 years old because i'm a notorious procrastinator (also yes! i love dinah so much aahhhhhhhhhhhh)

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

bruce internally: holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit bruce externally: get out of my city, alien

AHHH ur multimedia fic is the only thing that brings me happiness anymore continue it forever pls

uhh thanks, but can't continue it forever because my attention span is that of a toddler on crack on a good day and i can't function without at least 10 things going on at the same time and music in the background

Oi, so I'm getting into dc and watching batman the animated series, and they use fruitcake a lot. Which I thought was very funny and wanted to share w you - Denilla

wait like fruitcake (food) or fruitcake (derogatory) ?

young justice 🤝 teen titans slut shaming batman

tim drake and dick grayson to their respective teams 'you guys stop it, that's my dad'

Happyhoganon: If an eighty year old Batman had fought crime in Gotham City for decades and the only threats to him and the city lately are a wheel chair bounded Penguin, your usual purse snatchers and a few con artists popping up every now and then, how well could the Dark Knight do in maintaining the peace in Gotham despite him being just somewhat fit to do that as an elderly man (which says A LOT given how old he is)

uhh he'll probably do what my grandpa does and that is ruthlessly prank them until they die of shame.

in the death in the family interactive movie there's an ending where Jason is tasked with raising Damian and he decides he's gonna raise Damian to take down the waynes and al ghuls which uh maybe isn't great BUT the idea of Jason raising Damian... PRICELESS. CHAOTIC. I just need more people to know about this :)

yes i saw that wow holy shit but jason would accidentally drop damian on his head one (1) hour in and jason just yeets him into the lazarus pit.

Headcanon: The Penguin has a really hard time fighting any of the Robins because of his avian obsession means there's always a small part of his mind that's like "Birb. Child. Protect" ( @subspacecadet )

as soon as dick becomes nightwing the penguin is like 'you know what, fuck this dude' and shoots at him.

Y'all talking about King Shark dating Constantine, let's not forget about John literally hooking up with Satan

listen there's a clear difference between monsterfucker and satanfucker in that king shark is literally a shark and satan still looks like a normal dude

Does everyone in Gotham think Batman is a teen dad?

everyone in gotham thinks batman has been around since gotham was founded, but they do think that bruce wayne is actually a teen father and dick grayson's biological dad.

why. why would you do that fancast when you know it will only hurt people

what? i loved my fancast it was really well done. i did it with good representation in mind and i really managed that with alfred pennyworth being ✨italian✨

Seeing james charles a jason gave me psychic damage how dare you i need to wash my eyes

well that's a you problem isn't it?

do you think dick grayson thirst tweets about nightwing just to annoy his family/cause problems on purpose in general?

he thinks nightwing is hot, next question.

holy jiminy cricket batman, its as cold as the good lords ass crack in here!!

i- what? this is why i don't fuck with english expressions it's way too goddamn weird

Brooooooo, your teen dad!Bruce au is soooo good. I've got brainrot.

Honestly if you ever write anymore, I'd read that shit twice. Sign me the fuck up. Good stuff, Good Stuff.

uh yeah i'm thinking about writing a fic, but i have exams coming up and i don't wanna fail because that would suck. but after i'll certainly be writing more tho

your teen dad AU is so great! bruce acting like a big brother for all of like a week before he's telling everyone about his son. what if in the AU dick meets the JL because they need to rescue him? maybe he's in trouble/kidnapped at a gala and bruce starts calling for JL. clark finds him and has to fly with dick to bring him home - that's how dick and clark meet and superman becomes dick's fave hero. he goes around the manor thinking he can fly with a red blanket draped around him like a cape.

actually- if you want a young dad! bruce fic with like that kinda stuff(just with damian) go check uhh- in for a penny by cdelphiki. it's really good and bruce is like 24/25-ish. (and dick's there!!!)

This account has solely convinced me that Tim is a trash goblin ( @hamilcat-and-magic-turtle )

because he is. that boy has slept in dumpsters on multiple occasions even if he is the son of a billionaire.

Okay but when you said victory dance I did think of the whole justice league defeating the big bad and then they all start flossing

well that's exactly what hal jordan does and that's why batman uses a gun now. no but the victory dance in my opinion is like the 'we're all in this together' dance from high school musical.

The horrors in Invincible s1 was nothing compared to the comics, I cant wait for s2

oh well okay, i mean i personally react to horror and violence by laughing awkwardly so i can't wait to be called a monster for accidentally laughing at a mass murder.

I'm currently watching Batman: The Brave and The Bold and- Bruce is just talking about Oliver like he's an old love (@nightwings-kid)

okay im going to watch that lmao that's totally and completely in character for him tho.

The invincible comic is like super gratuitous with its violence so much so I'm shocked the show was able to adapt it in a faithful way! Anyway had the show been live action it absolutely wouldn't have the same impact as it does as an animated show and I'm so glad so many people agree with me on that

also because a live action casting would've been like uhh amanda stenberg for amber, the dude- the guy from the supernatural but with a mustache for omni-man, and scarlet johanssen for debbie grayson

Debbie grayson is a milf, yes. You're welcome for the invincible propoganda, now you can questions your life. Bruce def seems like the perfect father next to Omni-man. Like they really took a rip off justice league and I was like well, now I'm attached even tho I was like hah I know who they're supposed to be. And then bam- death gore death gore gore gore sad Mark grayson just had to have daddy issues. Why does every character have daddy issues. I'm sick of the attacks

because daddy issues make a person arguably funnier, that's why i'm not even remotely funny (haha good dad flex). i liked that it was dark contextually, but not in the colouring, bc i hate when it's like 'uh yeah graphic murder and now a shot so dark you have to sit in a dark room and squint at the screen to faintly see the characters. (like dcau ugh)

About the Wayne insurance, for a moment I thought you would put the video with moans over the waves.

i mean- i could've done that, but rick rolling seemed more family friendly.

Its the first time in forever that im surpise rickrolled, i usually expect it. Congratulations (i really should know better this is tumblr)

i get rickrolled so often but i actually like the song so i dont really give a fuck

Actually, my information about Damian and John's kids is outdated because it was revealed that the old men telling the kids stories about the Supersons were actually Jon and Damian the whole time. I was blinded by my thirst for Grandpa!Bruce Wayne but I was wrong... I liked my version better, tbh (@artemisa97)

fair enough. but i'd honestly like to see damian and jon getting together, just because it's a really fun dynamic and their friendship was really cute when they were kids. (also idk maybe it would be nice to have one (1) main batfam/superfam character that's not cishet)

How am i JUST finding your blog skdskfkd you're so fucking funny and ur takes are hot

i thought u were calling me hot :( but youre not :( crime detected (but lmao thanks)

So I have depression and I swear that your memes are one of the few things that have made me laugh so thank you 💛🥺 (@katekanebadass)

aw you're welcome, and i hope you're doing okay!

The metropolis memes are so funny, I love them 💀😌

i think metropolis is also so fucking funny it deserves more attention imagine having your entire police force being upstaged by an alien from kansas and his kids

as an american i feel your complete lack of knowledge of us geography is just so sexy (platonic) ❤️

thanks so much (i also don't know any other geography, i'm not kidding, like you can tell me you're from hungary and it will just blank, there will be nothing that comes to mind)

In the DC universe they don't say "Can't have shit in Detroit" they say "Can't have shit in Gotham"

this just reminds me of that guy whose porch got stolen like the steps to his door, and i'm thinking of people living in gotham and waking up without a front door and going "can't have shit in gotham"

honestly all i know about chicago is the bean, so. what would gotham's famous sculpture be?

gigantic gargoyle statue in front of one of the police precincts because a villain thought it was a smart way to keep the police inside, but it's too heavy to move.

why tf do people go on about how batman "works alone" or how he's the "lone wolf" when he like 38290202 members in his family

bc people think it's cool that a grown man in his 30s has no friends or family instead of calling it what it is (sad)

Bruce is gotham's sugar daddy

why would say something so controversial yet so brave.

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

dick: gerard way are you in position, gerard way are you in position

tim: for the last fucking time, my codename is 'totally not count olaf' this week, abbafan 3000

dick: shut up my codename isn't 'abbafan 3000'

dick: it's 'abbafan number 1' and you know it

I have a feeling Tim drake is ur favourite batfamily member but okay u don't have favs if u say so ok

i mean he is, i won't deny it. but i love each and every one of the batfam just the same, i just have a weak spot for short dumbass nerds, because i'm a short dumbass nerd.

Omg i fuckin love boy meets world too fam shsjkfk

bro boy meets world was the shit!!! it was just fire and awesome and so fucking great like bro. it was so good im not even going to be accepting criticism

you know I find the whole "joker completes batman" thing a bit disgusting considering the horrendous stuff the batfamily went through because of the joker and let's not get started on the "joker has a point" thing like yeah he's this cool complex villain but he's absolutely batshit crazy

like yes! i get what you mean the joker just fucking sucks man he doesn't do shit for batman's character or the batfam he's literally just annoying as fuck. like the joker has a point' shit is so stupid. i will accept 'magneto was right' because he fucking was and i think he didn't do anything wrong, but joker? he's just like that. he's not even cool and complex he's just a weirdo with a bleach kink at this point.

ALSO YOUR RACISM POST- SO TRUE BESTIE

thanks bestie, i'm glad you agree.

in today's essay of why I think cass should become batman- I was thinking Tim would probably be the most efficient batman in many ways but I also think he wouldn't want to be batman tbh none of the batfamily members would want to be batman because they're trying to outgrow him but cass is the one who wants to represent the symbol that is batman

absofuckinglutely i will say it again and again that cass represents the batsymbol more than anyone in the batfam, in batgirl (2000) she literally didn't care about anything else than bruce's oath to not kill, she thought the batsymbol was more important than anything in gotham. she's just an excellent character because her motivation to not kill is not 'i'm scared i can't come back from it' or 'well my dad says no murder so i'll go along with it' but that she's killed somebody as a young child and she never wants to kill a human ever again and that's so fucking beautiful for a new batman like yes.

need more cass, duke and tim inclusion in gothamite memes

yes yes, a tall order of cass, duke and tim coming up in 1-14 business days

oldest to youngest batfam members cus I'm confused as shit

okay order of being taken in: dick, jason, tim, cass, damian, duke order of age: alfred, bruce, dick, cass, jason, tim, duke, damian (though cass and jason are around the same age general consensus is that cass is a little older)

I'm so confused Steph is a redhead?? like how was it that hard to get this right? the source material is literally right there and free

cw is jared, 19

do you receive anon hate? if so, how do you deal with it

uh no, i'm not remotely popular enough to get anon hate and i also don't say a lot of things that would attract anon hate, but i do send anon hate to @the-real-peter-parker because he forgot about the specialists from winx club

Wait how many languages do you speak??

uhh- 5 if you include latin, but that's a dead language and i'm really bad at it. but english, my native language, german, and french also, tho german and french not fluently.

You can mix aguaepanela with aguardiente 😈 and is tasty

okay but now i'm curious if the liquor deserves the 😈 emoji or if that's a you problem. but i googled it and it looks like something you'd take one sip of and then not remember the rest of your evening.

[maxwell-grant]

OK, I know this will probably be painful, and I may be a bad mutual for asking but...would you be willing to identify what, in your opinion are the bottom five worst Shadow adaptations, and give a detailed breakdown of why they were so lousy?

Oh christ, okay. I don't think you're gonna get as much of a detailed breakdown for these compared to some of the others, because I take more issue with adaptations that do have good qualities but also big or deep problems to talk about.

For example, I can't include Garth Ennis's Shadow in this list because the comic has a lot of strong points to it, despite a deeply, deeply detestable take on The Shadow's character, where as the rest of the Dynamite run doesn't reach neither the lows or highs of his run. Likewise, Andy Helfer's run has a couple or a couple dozen moments every issue that make me want to tear something to shreds in frustration, but it's also at many points a really good comic with great art and some occasionally very inspired writing. Really, I'd just be repeating myself talking about what I hate in those.

But, fine, let's list some of the others.

I think I'm just gonna have to get the elephant in the room out of the way here, and address that I won't be including Si Spurrier's 2017 Dynamite mini in this list, and I think at least some of you might be angry it's not Number 1 by default. I'm doing this because I intend to one day really revisit it, think about it and it's reception and what it was trying to do, and talk about it on it's own, now that it's been 5 years and everyone has moved on and we can maybe talk about it without kneejerk hatred driving everyone nuts (your mileage may vary on how warranted it was).

I'm also not going to be talking about James Patterson's new novel, because I haven't read it. It seems to be considered a forgettable potboiler by mainstream critics and a resounding failure by everyone who likes the character whether they've read the book or not, and frankly I don't have it in me to learn what the fuzz was about anytime soon, I got my hands way too full as is.

And I won't be including the Batman x Shadow crossovers here, because again, they do have a lot of virtues that put them far ahead of some of the really worst Shadow media, and I've talked enough about how badly I think they mangled The Shadow, which is really the big problem I have with them (well, that and Tim Sale blatantly copying a Michael Kaluta cover, that was really shitty). I don't really hate them anymore, I just get tired and frustrated thinking about parts of them, I said my piece as is. Really, my frustration over this comic is what inspired me to start writing about The Shadow here, so I guess in a way I do owe it at least that much.

5: Archie Comics's Shadow

I think some of you might be wondering why this isn't ranked higher, but to be honest, I don't actually harbor any hatred towards this. I mean, I have to include it, but I find it kinda silly that some people even today actually care about the existence of this comic enough to hate it.

For fans back then? Oh yeah, obviously, but this dropped to such instantaneous backlash that it never really got to live past 6 issues. Really, everything wrong about it can be understood immediately from the covers, and I've actually read the comic in it's entirety to see if there was anything worth taking. I found only a couple of things of note but, no, this really is just a painfully mediocre superhero comic that happens to have a couple of Shadow names in it. If anything, it gets too much credit.

The actual contents of what it is are never going to justify it's reputation, but the existence of it and the disproportionate response to it is the funniest and most enduring legacy it could ever ask for. This whole comic is The Shadow's version of Spongebob's embarassing Christmas photo.

4: David Liss's The Shadow Now

This is another "The Shadow as an immortal in modern times" comic and I think you may have noticed the pattern with those by now. I may revisit this eventually and I do have some moments from it saved for reference, but overall: It sucks, and it doesn't even suck in a way that lets me talk much about it, it's a diet version of Chaykin's Shadow. If Archie's Shadow is a generic mediocre superhero comic wearing The Shadow's name, this is a generic crime story playing beats from movie. The Shadow is an asshole and not even a grandiose or sinister one, he just feels like a sleazy douche in a costume. The art is a 50/50 coin toss between appropriately moody and "Google images with a filter on them", I don't remember anything about the plot other than Khan had a bomb again and he had a daughter, and there were new versions of the agents and the Harry stand-in turned evil and Lamont shacked up with Margo's descendant which, uh, no. I don't really hate this but I really have nothing nice to say about this comic other than Colton Worley's art is nice sometimes. I can't really muster anything else to say here.

3: Invisible Avenger

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZZZZ...

...uuh, wha-

Yeah, I remember nothing about this one other than it's painfully boring and nothing about it, nothing at all, works in the slightest and I drift off to sleep even now trying to give this a rewatch. To be honest pretty much every other Shadow serial not starred by Victor Jory sucks and I don't really have anything to say about them, this one is just the worst of the lot. I dearly wish there was a good Shadow tv series but, if it was going to be like this pilot? Good riddance.

2: Harlan Ellison's The New York Review of Bird

This isn't really a Shadow story as much as it's a Harlan Ellison story that happens to feature The Shadow, but man am I glad that Ellison's "Dragon Shadows" was canned, because holy shit what a goddamn nightmare Harlan Ellison writing The Shadow for real could have been, going purely by the one time he ever touched the character. New York Review of Bird is a purely farcical parody story that wears real, real thin even before "Uncle Kent" shows up, and we get to see in it what is by far the most detestable and irredeemable take on The Shadow ever put on print, and not even in a critique or deconstructive way or anything that could be remotely worth discussing.

I don't hold any particular affection for Harlan Ellison and his writing (despite liking some of it) and I've come to notice the major red flag that is finding someone who looks up to Harlan Ellison in any capacity as a person, and this story in particular really feels like Ellison aggressively trying to channel his jackass tendencies through every line, just him being nasty because he built a personal brand on being nasty. The only reason this isn't Number One is because it's a very short story that saw zero influence or reputation, and thus it only exists as a brief mention in The Shadow wiki, and a brief mention is all it really calls for.

1: Howard Chaykin's Blood & Judgment

I'm guessing most of you already knew this one was in the top spot before I started writing.

I would actually rather not write a big piece on Blood & Judgment, because I think (or at least I hope) it's influence on The Shadow has waned a lot over the years and I would prefer to draw it the least amount of attention possible, but if I HAVE to talk about this, I guess I'd rather just vomit this out of my circuits now instead of giving it it's own post.

I would prefer to use a less unpleasant image on my blog, but if I'm going to talk about this comic, there's no image to better convey it than this drawing of macho asshole Cranston holding a sexualized mannequin at gunpoint. By leaps and bounds, Blood & Judgment is the most misogynistic Shadow story I've ever read. It's ironic that Chaykin justified the rampant misogyny he gave The Shadow with the idea that this is just a man from the 30s would act like, when he admits in the same breath that he never even touched the stories, and he wrote a story more sexist and demeaning to it's female characters than anything, literally anything, written in the Shadow pulps. It's almost impressive even.

I'll paste some segments from Randy Raynaldo's review

In Flagg, he intended to present his own point of view on American society while keeping his work tongue in cheek and acessible. But this vision dimmed, and Flagg had become a vehicle by which Chaykin could play out fetishes and portray gratuitous and stylish violence.

In The Shadow, stripped of the political and social veneer which was supposed to make Flagg unique, Chaykin's sensibilities and excesses become disturbingly apparent. For all of his liberal posturing, Chaykin's work demonstrates zero difference from the same kind of mentality exploited and made popular by similarly violent popular culture icons like Dirty Harry and Death Wish.

More than half a dozen individuals are indiscriminately and violently murdered in the first issue. Although the victims are characters who played major roles in the myth of The Shadow, we feel little sympathy for them, even for those of us who knew these characters at the outset. Who dies is unimportant, it's how they die that is the fascination.

Chaykin uses sexual decadence as a means by which to establish villains, and undercuts this device by making the protagonists as promiscuous as the villains. For all of Chaykin's seemingly liberal leanings, he demonstrates very little sensitivity in his portrayal of women.

Because everything works on rules of three, this comic also follows the pattern with other works mentioned here, as this isn't Howard Chaykin writing The Shadow: it's The Shadow reimagined as a Howard Chaykin character. He looks and acts exactly like Reuben Flagg and the typical macho protagonist of Chaykin's other works, he's a cynical sleaze with an entirely new origin who half-assedly dons a garb to machine gun people, and I already wrote a separate piece on why the machineguns are kind of emblematic of everything wrong with this take.

I understand that Chaykin has, or used to have, a big following of sorts, and I've tried to wrap my head around this for years, but I genuinely still don't get why Shadow fans stomach this comic unless they happen to be Chaykin fans first and foremost, I really don't. Everything, fucking everything Shadow fans hate about modern depictions of the character can be traced right back to this. The parts that stuck and changed the character for the worse, like him being defined as an immortal, bloodthirsty warmonger who got all his skills and powers from a magic city in Tibet, or Lamont Cranston being a coward who fears and hates the Shadow, or his agents being expendable slaves, stuff that has been ingrained into the mythos through this and the Alec Baldwin movie and other comics, to the point that people now think of it as the norm, that it's the baseline of what The Shadow is, and I hate it, I genuinely fucking hate it,

I hate it so much that it's a big part of the reason why I created this blog and why I want so badly to get to write The Shadow, because I plainly couldn't stand not having ways to tell people that this is all wrong, that this is actively shooting down the character's odds for success, and that they are missing out on something really great, because the well has been tainted with garbage that won't go away and everytime I read the words Shambala in a Shadow comic, even an otherwise good or great one, I get just a wee bit cross.

The only semi-redeeming aspects I can think of for this comic is one or two cool moments, like when The Shadow hijacks a concert using his Devil's Whisper or when he tames dogs with a stare. Just breadcrumbs of "not garbage" amidst an ocean of anything but. I hate that talking about why I hate this comic in-length can almost feel like I'm still enticing people to check it out of curiosity, but if you wanna do that, fine, just know this: The worst part of Blood & Judgment, even if you don't care at all about what it did to The Shadow, is that it's boring.

It is a deeply boring comic. If you like Howard Chaykin to begin with, you'll probably like this okay (although even Chaykin fans told me that this is his weakest work and that even he seems to agree). If you don't, I plain don't see what you could get out of this.

The comic itself is just nothing. It's the comic book equivalent of a pre-schooler trying to get a reaction by swearing. It has nothing whatsoever other than half-assed attempts at shock value. The plot isn't there, the ideas are stale, the dialogue is needlessly oblique and comprised entirely of unfinished sentences, interrupted conversations and one-liners without build-up. The characters are all unlikable and uninteresting stooges with no personality, or joyless cartoons. There's no heart or emotion or logic, and it isn't even funny enough to succeed as just an outrageous exercise in 80s excess. There's nothing in here.

I get "why" it was popular enough at the time, a rising star creator penning a modern revival of an old character based on controversy that pissed off the old fans, it's an old story that still gets repeated today. But manufactured controversy is not a replacement for storytelling and it rarely ever exists to benefit the people who actually want to enjoy the stories, it only benefits those for the crude benefit of those who want to sell you something out of the controversy.

I guess they got their money's worth back then.

------------------------------------------------

Phew, okay, I did it, I finally vomited out a piece on Blood & Judgment and some others, allright, let's put this piece of negativity behind us now.

[baepsaesbae]

Ethereal Encounters

Pairing— Angel!Seokjin x Demon!reader  

Genre— Smut +18, comedy, light pining, supernatural au, angel au, demon au, time traveling (this was inspired by Good Omens by Neil Gaiman)

Warnings— oral (m and f receiving), explicit unprotected sex, death (but not really important), somewhat religious talk bc well they’re an angel and demon??

Word Count— ~6.3k

Summary— Since the early beginnings of mankind, you have been tasked with overseeing them and ensuring chaos befalls them. However, you meet an angel who has been tasked with the same duties, only obviously he’s supposed to ensure their wellbeing. How will you deal with him?

A/N— Happy Halloween everyone! This fic is part of @bangtanshadowfamily’s project Moonlight Manor. I had a blast writing this, please let me know what you guys think! Thank you so much to @dee-ehn for making such an angelic banner. 

The story of Cain and Abel in the biblical Book of Genesis is well known by many throughout countless generations. The basic rundown is that Cain became jealous of Abel and murdered him. Tragic. However, what isn’t well known is that divine powers were involved. This was where it all started between you and him.

“How dare he. You’re the oldest son. You should have God’s favor,” you whispered into Cain’s ear.

As a high order demon, you were tasked with creating calamities for the stupid creatures that God loved oh so very much. What better way to ensure mankind would be doomed than introducing murder. Even better, the murder of ones own brother. Yes, your plan was ingenious.

“You need to gut him. Gut him like you would the animals you eat. God would have no choice but to cherish you instead,” you continued.

You started to feel the hatred swell within Cain. He sprang to his feet and grabbed his hunting knife. He marched out to the field where his brother was and struck him down. You watched all this transpire with a grin of satisfaction painted across your face.

“Oh no. It appears I’m too late,” you heard a disappointed voice behind you.

Whipping around quickly, you turn to see a defeated looking angel. He was quite handsome. He was tall, had broad shoulders, and lips that formed the perfect pout. You despised him the moment you laid eyes on him. Of course, he’s in a corporeal vessel. His true form would be too much for any mortal to see, and they would combust on the spot. Your corporeal vessel was that of a woman. You figured it would make swindling humans easier later on.

“Who the hell are you?” you snarled.

“Me? Oh, I’m the angel Seokjin. I was sent by the higher ups to oversee the progression of mankind. I was told to make sure they weren’t led astray,” the angel rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“Interesting. I was sent by my higher ups to make sure that mankind would be led astray,” you muse, “It seems that we have quite the conflict of interests.”

“It would appear so,” the angel had his eyebrows furrowed in thought.

“Well Jin--”

“That’s not my name. It’s Seokjin--”

“I don’t care. That’s too long.”

“Too long? It’s two syllables!”

“Who has that kind of time, Jin? Not me. Anywho, my work here is done. Since this place is under both of our jurisdictions, maybe I’ll see you around sometime,” you gave the angel a wink before vanishing from the scene.

That was your first of many encounters with the angel Seokjin.

                                                        200 CE

The crowd roared with fervor as the gladiators fought to the death. You were one of the happy spectators watching a man get pummeled to death with the butt of a sword. As the man’s skull was caving in, you heard someone sigh beside you.

“There’s no need to be that cruel. He should cut off the poor fellow’s head and just end it already,” you heard a man say.

“That wouldn’t please this crowd at all. They’re all here because they want to see a spectacle. Chopping someone’s head off at the beginning of the fight would be sooo boring,” you turn to the disgruntled man, “I mean, you gotta pay to watch so--oh my god it’s you.”

The angel beside you was just as radiant as on the first day you met him. Even dressed in Roman apparel, you could tell there was something otherworldly about him. The angel returned the same shock as his eyes grew wide when they landed on you.

“You! You’re the one who started the downfall of man!” he accused.

“Well actually it was the snake that tempted Eve. I wish I could take credit for that. What have you been up to? Jin right?” you greet him as if he were an old friend, slinging your arm around him.

“Wrong. My name is Seokjin. I’ve been overseeing mankind. As I was instructed to,” Seokjin answered while trying to wiggle out of your grasp, “But it seems like no matter what I do, humans always resort to violence. You must be very good at your job.”

“They’re all shitbags like that. It makes my job so easy! I don’t even have to lift a finger,” you brag.

“There are some humans who have nothing but love and compassion for other living creatures--”

“Gross,” you interject.

“--so my faith in humanity is not lost. I think I’ve begun to realize why Father is so fond of them,” Seokjin rations.

“What’s your reasoning?” you inquire.

“Humans like to resort to violence quite often, like you said. But they also like to love and cherish those important to them. I think the free will that they have makes them remarkable,” Seokjin is lost in his own thoughts.

“An angel who has his own opinions? Dangerous territory buddy,” you laugh.

“Oh? Why is that dangerous?” Seokjin’s face contorted in confusion.

“Nevermind. Forget what I said. See ya around, Jin,” you’re about to disappear before Jin called out to you.

“Wait! You know my name, but I don’t know yours. That hasn’t been sitting well with me for the past couple centuries,” Seokjin shyly confessed.

“Aw, you’ve been thinking of me for centuries? What a sweetheart. I’m ___, Mother of Murder, Enslaver of Mankind, and Tamer of Dragons,” you bow.

“Tamer of Dragons? I’ve never seen one,” Seokjin tilted his head.

“Probably because they’re not real and I was messing with you. The other titles are real though. I’m kind of a bigshot downstairs. That’s why they keep me up here. See ya around, angel,” you vanish out of sight.

“___. She doesn’t really seem like the demons I’ve been told about,” Seokjin pondered.

You had a couple more run ins with the angel Seokjin, but unfortunately they were all in passing. The two of you would catch a fleeting glimpse of the other before one of you would vanish. Your time on Earth was starting to bore you. Up until you decided to wreck some havoc.

                                                       1350 CE

The black plague, also known as the Black Death, was sweeping across Europe. It had already taken millions of lives, and still had more to go. This catastrophic pandemic was beyond devastating. And you couldn’t be happier. Cart after cart rolled through towns and villages, each one filled with the bodies of the deceased or nearly deceased. The screams of those in agony was music to your ears. You skipped cheerfully along the streets. You couldn’t be more pleased with yourself. After all, the Black Death was your brainchild.

“___!” you stop in your tracks.

“Jin? Jin! How lovely to see you,” you greet him with a warm smile. You started to grow fond of him through the years. His curiosity and sincerity always amused you.

“It’s Seokjin, not Jin. I’m honestly quite worried,” Seokjin sighed.

“About? The humans?” you peer up at him.

“Yes. This plague has gotten out of hand. Sure, humans get sick and die all the time. They’re frightfully delicate. But this? Millions upon millions dead? This must be the work of some...some sort of demon!” Seokjin exclaims before calming himself, “I apologize for my outburst. This whole situation is just too worrisome.”

“You’re right. You must be a sleuth or something,” you say nonchalantly.

“What? Right about what?” Seokjin’s eyes widen.

“This IS the work of a demon. Me! This is all my doing! Pretty impressive no?” the horrified look on Seokjin’s face encouraged you to continue, “So get this. I was bored outta my mind one day, right? Then I started thinking about all the organisms on this planet. From tall to small. Then I realized that bugs are completely on the bottom of the food chain. Very unfair, wouldn’t you say?”

“I suppose so, but God intended--”

“Sure sure whatever. I took it upon myself to give bugs a little advantage. Specifically, fleas. I experimented for a bit then settled on giving some of them the ability to infect their prey! Truth be told, I had no idea that the rats they sucked on would become feral. I just thought they’d get sick and die a horrible death or something. Who would’ve thought they’d go around biting humans? Am I the best or am I the best?” you wiggled your eyebrows at Seokjin, who was still staring at you with horror.

“You caused all of this, ___? And it was all an accident?” Seokjin was trying to process what you told him.

“Yeah basically. All because I wanted to make the playing field a little more fair for fleas,” you nodded.

“That’s funny,” Seokjin said curtly.

“Oh yeah? What amuses you so, my angel?” you ask playfully.

“You wanted to help fleas. Fleas. Some would say it was an act of compassion,” Seokjin grins.

“What? No! No, I was just bored. I thought it would be something I could occupy myself with. Don’t look too deep into it, Jin,” you turn away, in hopes of hiding your flushed cheeks.

“Sure sure. Whatever you say, ___. At least you’re probably getting high praises in Hell,” he pats your head fondly.

“Shut up, angel,” you say before vanishing. You couldn’t take the embarrassment any longer. Compassion? From you? No way in Heaven. And what was that? Jin patting your head like you’re some sort of friends? Even though he was growing on you like a tumor, you hadn’t considered him a friend before. Well. Maybe you had. You just didn’t want to admit it. Life can get pretty lonely on Earth for an immortal being. At least you guys have that in common.

In an attempt to befriend Seokjin, you searched for him. Up until now, it has always been him sneaking up on you. You found him in a small village that had just about been completely wiped out by the Black Death.

“Hey angel,” you pipe up, causing him to jump.

“Ah! ___! Hello, you scared me. What can I do for you?” Seokjin smiled, his cheeks bunching up like fresh bread.

“I was wondering if you’d like to get a bite to eat? We can sneak into the nearest Royal family’s kitchen and find something good?” you ask, looking at the ground.

“Eat? We don’t have to do that though,” the angel’s signature confused face took hold.

“Yes I know that. But we’re on Earth now and until the end of time. Or until we get called back. Might as well indulge in Earthly pleasures right?” you try to reason. Your pride would be hurt if he declined.

“Indulge? Isn’t that sinful?” Seokjin said apprehensively.

“I didn’t realize a loaf of bread was sinful. I’ll be right back, just gotta drag yeast into Hell,” you mock. To your surprise, Seokjin laughed. As corny as it is, his laugh sounded like a mixture of bells and a choir of angels. It was truly euphoric.

“To be quite honest, food is one of my favorite things on Earth. I’m fond of desserts in particular. Hearing you suggest eating made me reconsider if it’s a sin or not. But you’re right. A bite of food won’t hurt anyone!” Seokjin concluded gleefully.

That was the start to the tradition of eating together after every encounter.

                                                        1943 CE

Although technically mortal enemies, you both enjoyed the companionship now and again. Hearing about each other’s lives never got boring. Seokjin himself was somewhat of an enigma to you. He was childlike in the sense that he was curious about everything, and loved learning about new things. He was also simultaneously serious about everything. Any time he tried to make a joke, it was always lost on you. You soon learned to fake a laugh for him because...because you kind of liked the way his eyes lit up when he was pleased with himself. He always found you entertaining. He admired your confidence. You were the epitome of devious, but even so, Seokjin believed that there was some good in you. You in turn believed there must be some bad in him. At least enough that allowed him to continuously hangout with a demon.

You sat alone in a German cafe, gazing out the window on a gloomy day. You listened intently to the conversation behind you. Nazi soldiers were discussing the satisfying feeling that accompanied terrorizing those who didn’t belong in Hitler’s utopia. You scoffed as you bit into your streusel coffee cake.

“Mind if I sit here?” a familiar voice asked.

“Jin, my darling angel friend, of course you can sit there. I wouldn’t dare let anyone else sit with me,” you smile mischievously.

“It’s Seokjin. Not Jin. Why must we go over this every time?” Seokjin sighed.

“I think the nickname puts us on friendlier terms,” you devour what’s left of your cake, “Oh sorry, did you want some of that?”

“Should an angel and a demon be on friendly terms? And no thank you. Actually, I brought you a little surprise,” Seokjin makes a small decadent box appear from thin air, “These are your favorites, if I recall correctly.”

Your eyes grew wide as you received the box, “Is this…? JIN!!! I haven’t had these in ages!” you cheer gleefully as you open the top.

A familiar sight of perfectly baked macarons laid gracefully within. All your favorite flavors were there: coffee, chocolate, lemon, and other delectable flavors. You breathe in the sweet scent of the goods before choosing your first target. You sway happily as you take the first bite.

“Gift giving is definitely something that friends do,” you say with your mouth still full, “Would you like some?” you offer the other half of the coffee macaron.

“Then I suppose we are friends, ___. I’m happy I ran into you. There’s actually something I wanted to talk to you about,” Jin takes the other half of the macaron, “World War I was atrocious enough. But now all of this World War II business is even more despicable. I was wondering if you had an idea about when this will end. It has been breaking my heart to see all of this horror unfold.”

“So the macarons were a peace offering for information?” your eyes narrowed, chocolate macaron in hand.

“I was in the little French village that made your favorites and thought it would be nice to bring you some. Talking about World War II was actually an afterthought,” Seokjin said. That made you chuckle. Jin was being honest; he’s incapable of lying. If he ever tried, it would never work on you because he was god awful at it.

“I’ll believe you for now, angel. To be honest, the humans did this themselves. I was sightseeing in Mongolia when Germany invaded Poland. I knew that Hitler guy was no good-- I specialize in that-- but he’s damn near as evil as a certified demon. I can’t take credit for any of this. I like creating chaos. It’s what I do. But I find this highly organized genocide distasteful,” you admit.

“A demon finding genocide distasteful? Amusing. See? There must be some goodness left in you. I guess you don’t know when this will end then?” Seokjin asks.

“Not a clue. And don’t you ever say that I have goodness. That’s bullshit. I’m the baddest of the bad. Don’t forget that,” you sneer.

“There’s no need to get hostile, my friend. I should get going. I’ve been trying to help the victims in any way that I can. Needless to say, it has been very busy for the past few years. This was a nice little break. It’s always a pleasure to see you,” Seokjin smiles and bows respectfully before disappearing out of sight.

“The pleasure is all mine, my darling angel,” you say quietly to the empty space before you.  

                                                     Present Day

“That girl over there looks rather ravishing, doesn’t she? It’s a shame that she’s here instead of your girlfriend. Unless…,” you pour thoughts of infidelity in a random guy’s mind.

You sensed that he was nervous the entire night, and after observing him for a bit, you finally realized why. This man was out clubbing with his friends in celebration of someone’s birthday. His girlfriend isn’t one for going out (or having any sort of fun, from what you can gather in his mind) and he’s been eyeing this one gal the entire night. He was on the fence about whether or not to make a move. Luckily for him, you were in the vicinity that night. The alcohol pumping through his veins made him even more susceptible to your persuasions. You only spoke those few words to him before he made his way over to the girl, who immediately proceeded to grind on him.

“Infidelity huh?” a familiar voice said.

“It’s the easiest sin for men to commit. Women are too tempting for those who can’t control their lust. And by that, I mean probably 99% of all male humans,” you shrug, “It’s my duty to lead humans astray, remember?”

“Of course, how could I forget?,” Seokjin chuckled, “It’s amusing to me that the one who caused the Black Death is now sitting in a dingy nightclub telling intoxicated men to cheat on their significant other.”

“Would you rather me tell him to murder her? Would that please you, Jin?” you raise an eyebrow threateningly.

“Oh dear heavens, no. Please don’t do that. But if you were to do that, I can always intervene and protect the poor girl. And please. It’s Seokjin, not Jin,” the angel pouted. You loved his pout, it made his supple lips look even more delectable. Wait. What are you thinking?  

The two of you sat in a booth inside the dimly lit nightclub. After ordering multiple rounds of drinks, Seokjin finally felt loose enough to strike up a conversation. You had been too lost in your thoughts regarding how you felt about your angelic companion to talk.

“How have you been, ___?” Seokjin asked.

“Same as ever. Chillin out, traveling, creating mischief wherever I go. My favorite thing to do nowadays is to fuck up cell phone receptions in really popular areas. The animosity goes through the roof!” you explain.

“Sounds...exciting,” Seokjin takes another sip.

“What about you, angel cakes?” you gaze at him fondly.

“My flower shop has been coming along beautifully! I mean, I want to keep all of the flowers for myself but I guess part of running a business is selling your goods. You should come by and see it. I even have some nightshade. I thought of you when I acquired it,” Seokjin smiled.

“Stop, you’ll make me blush. I’ll come and visit your shop soon,” you finish your drink, “It kinda sucks though,”

“The drink? We can order another--”

“Not that. I’m living the best life I could possibly ask for. The world is literally my playground. But I’m kinda bored. I’ve plunged from the Mother of Murder to inciting infidelity just for the drama. I feel like I’m burnt out,” you pout, sinking into the booth.

“Maybe finding a hobby could help? I like plants, so now I collect and sometimes sell them. What do you like? Come to think of it, I don’t think I really know much about you at all,” Seokjin realizes.

“I’m hurt. We’ve been friends for what? About 6000 years?” you dramatically grasped your chest.

“Friends? You consider me a friend?”

“Are we not?” you retorted.

“I suppose we are. What an unlikely friendship. And one that our bosses will never know about,” Seokjin grins, “Can I ask you something? As a friend?”

“Sure thing. Jin, my best friend in the whole wide world, what do you want?” you bat your eyes at him.

“How did you fall from Grace?”

Hearing the question sobered you up immediately. You never thought Jin would care about you enough to ask such a personal inquiry. It’s akin to asking someone ‘hey, what’s the most traumatic thing that ever happened to you?’ out of the blue. You were staring at your empty cup when Jin spoke up.

“I’m sorry if I crossed a line. I’ve just been so curious--”

“It’s fine. I was just shocked that you wanted to know me on a more personal level,” you laugh nervously.

“Why wouldn’t I? We’re friends,” Seokjin said seriously.

You take a deep breath before answering, “I was curious. Just like you. I didn’t understand why God was so obsessed with the stupid little humans. They were so vile, so vulgar. Even if they knew right from wrong, they sometimes willingly chose what was wrong. I was confounded. Apparently asking questions is the same as undermining His authority. They thought I was going to grow my own free will. An angel who can think for themselves is a threat. And so, down I went. It was a pretty long fall actually. The landing was pretty unpleasant,” you try to lighten up the story.

“I’m sorry, ___,” Jin took a hold of your hands, “At least you still have the wings of an angel.”

“Yeah but they’re all black and tattered now. Yours are still beautiful and pristine.”

“I think your wings are beautiful too,” Seokjin said softly. You realized he was still holding your hands. You slowly retreat from his grasp. You don’t know how to handle the praise coming from the angel.

“Thanks, my darling angel. Anyway. This place is getting kinda boring. You wanna get dessert?” you suggest.

“You know me so well!” Seokjin agreed.

You found yourselves in a nearby gelato shop. You treat yourself to a coffee gelato, while Jin got chocolate gelato. The pair of you opt to sit outside and soak in the city life.

“I thought you didn’t like chocolate? I remember you turning your nose up to the best chocolate I’ve had in my life when we were in Switzerland,” you noticed his chocolate gelato.

“I like the chocolate flavor, but I don’t like chocolate,” Jin said casually, “I love strawberries, but I don’t like strawberry flavored things.”

“You’re so strange,” you let out a laugh. Jin laughed with you, his stoic image started to fade away. Afterward, you both sat comfortably in silence. Being in each other’s company was satisfying. It helped ease the loneliness that you refused to admit you had. Pondering your loneliness alongside your friend had your thoughts drifting to an interesting concept.

“Do you remember that time we decided to indulge in Earthly pleasures for the first time all those years ago? That decision was probably the best I’ve ever made. I love food,” you break the silence.

“I do remember that. I think I’m obliged to say that doing the Lord’s work was the best decision I’ve ever made. But I guess I didn’t really have a choice,” his voice trailed off, “Besides that, eating food with you was probably my best decision too,” Jin smiled, revealing his bread cheeks.

“What if we indulge in a different Earthly pleasure tonight?” you suggest calmly, licking at your gelato.

“Other than food? What do you mean?” Seokjin’s eyes widened with curiosity.

“Haven’t you wondered why lust is such a strong motivating factor for humans?”

“I believe they reproduce for the survival of their species--”

“That’s not what I mean, you silly little angel. I’ve heard from several succubi that they really enjoy sex and--”

“Lust is a sin, ___. It’s literally one of the seven deadly sins,” Seokjin interrupted sternly.

“I said that humans are driven by lust. If we hypothetically partake in this, it would be for research reasons only. Wouldn’t you be of better service to mankind if you could understand them better?” you reason.

Frankly, you don’t give a damn about mankind. Never have and never will. The thought of getting intimate with the angel Seokjin has sparked an excitement in you that you hadn’t felt in ages. Persuasion is your forte, and you’re sure as hell gonna do your best to win him over. Seokjin was silent as he pondered over your proposal. His face was unreadable.

“I’ll admit I have been curious about it. I don’t understand why humans crave it so much,” Seokjin admitted. A smile slowly formed on your face.

“Does that mean you’ll indulge with me? Just as you did when we ate together all those moons ago?” you take his hands in yours.

“Fine, ___. I’ll indulge with you. But purely for research purposes,” Seokjin said firmly.

This city had been your dwelling place for the past couple of years so you had your own place. You giddily led the angel to your apartment. You had been waiting for this moment for what felt like an eternity. Seduction wasn’t part of your job, so you never partook in such activities. It was mischief alone that was your specialty.

When you finally arrived at your apartment, you instructed Jin to wait outside for a couple of minutes while you tidied up the place. With a snap of your fingers, your humble abode was free of any trash and not a speck of dust was to be found. After wondering about what would help set “the mood”, you decided on lighting candles. You figured the dim lighting would help create a sensual atmosphere. The final touch was slipping into promiscuous black lingerie. You had a complete set: stockings, garter, corset, and a bra. You twirled in front of a mirror and was satisfied with the look. You felt like the epitome of a seductress. You made your way to the front door and swung it open, striking a seductive pose. You nearly burst out into a fit of laughter when you saw Jin’s eyes wide with shock and mouth agape.

“You...you look...nice,” Jin stuttered.

“Come on in, my darling angel,” you waved a single finger at him.

Seokjin timidly stepped inside. You took his hand and led him to your bedroom; the walkway was lined with candles. You closed the bedroom door behind Jin as you heard him gulp nervously.

“You scared, Jin?” you teased. Jin couldn’t make eye contact with you. You could barely see his faint blush in the dim lighting.

“No. Maybe a bit nervous. I thought we would just get down to it,” Jin let out an annoyed sigh before finally making eye contact, “And it’s Seokjin. Not Jin.”

“Go straight to fucking? Without foreplay? Aw you really are such a little angel, aren’t you? You sweet sweet vanilla baby boy,” with each word you crept closer to him, eventually wrapping your arms around his neck. He smelled like a mixture of warm honey and wildflowers. His scent was intoxicating. You couldn’t resist any longer as you planted a gentle kiss on his neck, causing him to groan lightly.

“Oh? You like that?” you whispered sweetly.

“I never realized our corporeal bodies were so sensitive,” Jin replied quietly.

“You’re still so tense, angel,” you observed as you massaged his broad shoulders, “I can help you unwind. Part of the fun of sex is indulging in the pleasure, so I’ve heard,” you say as you guide Jin to the bed.

“Let’s make some things clear,” you say as you straddle Jin, “Firstly, you can touch me. I don’t wanna be doing all the work. Secondly, don’t be afraid to act on any urges. I can assure you I can handle whatever you wanna do. Lastly, do you trust me?” you ask. Jin blinked blankly.

“Generally, I’m pretty sure a demon is never to be trusted. But since it’s you, I guess I’ll make an exception. I trust you, ___,” Jin said sincerely.

“I’m touched,” you smile, “Now take off your shirt and pants,” you demand, climbing off of him. Jin complied. Left in only his underwear, he sat on the bed awaiting your next instructions. You soaked in the sight of him. He was fit; his physique had your mouth watering.

“Perfect,” you say, seductively crawling back on top of him.

You lock eyes as you straddle his hips. You lean in slowly, eyes wandering to his plush lips. Jin does the same, leaning towards you ever so slightly. Your lips met gently. After relishing the tender moment, you kiss him more intensely. To your surprise, Jin met you with the same intensity. His hands started to wander as well. Starting with a firm grip on your ass, his hands traveled slowly up to your breasts.

“I don’t think I can fully appreciate you with all this on,” Jin breathed heavily after he broke from the kiss.

“What a cheeky angel. Be patient, love,” you notice a change in Jin’s eyes. There was an intense gaze of lust pouring from his dark brown eyes. It turned you on.

You laid him down and whispered, “Now the fun can begin.”

A blindfold manifested out of thin air and into your hand. Jin looked at the object curiously. He didn’t protest when you wrapped it over his eyes. You smiled at the fact that he truly did trust you.

You kissed him again. You couldn’t get enough of his velvety soft lips. You dared to slip your tongue in his mouth delicately. Seokjin pulled you closer to him as he reciprocated with more aggression. His boldness caused you to let out a small moan.

“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” Seokjin stopped immediately after he heard you. His genuine concern caused you to chuckle.

“I don’t think you’re capable of hurting me, sweet boy. Keep doing what you’re doing,” you say before going back for another kiss.

You reluctantly pull away from Jin’s sweet lips, gently placing wet kisses down his neck and along his chest. You kitten lick one of his nipples as you pinch and twist the other. Jin seemed to enjoy this as his breathing became uneven and he let out tiny moans.

You travel further down to position yourself between his thighs. His erection was obstructed by his underwear. You tug it off, allowing it to free itself. The length was impressive, and his girth was just as satisfying.

You slowly started pumping your hand along his shaft. As soon as you held him, Jin shuddered. You were amused by how sensitive he was. You gave his tip a few kitten licks as you hand was still slowly dragging along his cock. This caused Jin to shift underneath you, and his soft moans were getting louder. You stopped teasing him as you took his entire length in your mouth. Being a divine being gave you small perks such as not having a gag reflex. You sloppily bobbed your head up and down his cock, listening to his sweet groans of pleasure. Hands soon grip your hair, and now Jin was guiding your rhythm.

“Ahh ___... I think I’m gonna...my body feels weird,” Jin muttered between groans.

Without warning, Jin released his load into your mouth. You were surprised by the sudden outburst and pulled away too late. What didn’t land in your mouth splattered all over your chest.

“Huh. So angels can ejaculate. Wild,” you say, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand, “You don’t taste half bad, angel. But you did get my lingerie messy,” you tsked.

“I think I’m starting to understand why humans enjoy this so much. Sorry about your clothes, I guess you have to take them off now,” Jin proposed.

“I suppose you’re right,” you chuckle. With a snap of your fingers, the lingerie magically vanishes.

“I wanna feel what you felt,” you whined.

“Do you want me to fuck you now?” Jin asked.

“What else would you do?” you teased.

“You could sit on my face and I can reciprocate the oral sex,” Jin offered.

His straightforward way of talking never ceased to amaze you. It was no surprise that he would talk this way even in the bedroom. You grinned as you positioned your thighs on each side of his head.

“You sure about this?” you ask.

“Sit on my face, ___,” Jin said impatiently.

You slowly lowered yourself onto Jin’s face. You carefully made sure you that the lips lined up. You rested your intimate part gently on Jin’s lips. You shuddered with delight as he licked a long gentle strip along your pussy. Jin began to explore you with his tongue.

“You’re still too far away,” he grunts as he places his hands on your hips and roughly pulls you closely to him.

His nose was buried in your pussy at this point. He darted his tongue in and out of you, causing you to gasp. He brought his hand around to play with a nub located above your opening. Somehow, he figured out that this little nub was extremely sensitive, as you nearly doubled over when he applied pressure on it. You could faintly hear a low chuckle under you as the pressure on your clit increased. Jin’s thumb ferociously played with your clit as his tongue flicked inside you. Your legs began to shake and your moans got louder and more drawn out.

“Jin! Fuck that feels amazing. Don’t stop. My body is starting to feel weird too,” you cry out.

Soon enough, a wave of euphoria coursed throughout your body as you released your juices all over his face. You fell beside him, chest heaving.

“How was that?” Jin asked, licking around his mouth, “You don’t taste too bad yourself, Mother of Murder.”

“You flatter me, angel. You didn’t correct me when I said Jin!” you observed, taking off his blindfold.

“I actually thought it was pleasant. Hearing you moan out my nickname like that spurred me on for some reason,” Jin sighed.

“Oh so you like when I moan out your name? You’re such a naughty angel,” you jokingly admonish, “We still haven’t gotten to the finale yet.”

“Do you want me to fuck you now?” Jin asked.

“Yes, my darling angel. I want you to fuck me now,” you say curtly, “How do you want to take my virginity?” you bat your eyes innocently at him, spreading your legs out.

“Like this would be fine. I think I’d enjoy seeing your face,” Jin leaned down for a passionate kiss, complete with tasteful tongue usage.  

Breaking the kiss, he aligned himself with your entrance. He gazed at you tenderly before you nodded at him, signaling for him to proceed. He slowly slipped inside, and you relished every inch of him. The new sensation of the stretch was a bit painful at first, but it soon was replaced with a foreign bliss. You let out a low moan when he finally bottomed out. Eyes fixated on each other, Jin wordlessly began to thrust in and out of you. The bliss was enjoyable, but you craved more. Jin was going too slowly for your taste (even though it was an impressive pace already by human standards).

“Faster. Harder. Fuck me harder, Jin,” you pleaded, biting your lip hard enough to draw blood.

Jin complied, now thrusting with more force at a faster rate. Jin was having a hard time controlling himself, as his grunts started to mix with your moans. You clawed at his back, leaving red streaks across it. Jin suddenly hoisted one of your legs over his shoulder, allowing him to plunge deeper. You let out a high pitched squeal at the sudden switch up. You began to feel a familiar tingle in your lower region.

“Jin, I’m close,” you panted.

“Me too, my darling demon. Let’s finish together, shall we?” Jin replied, sweat dripping from his brow.

It only took a couple more thrusts before you both reached your limits. You felt Jin’s hot cum fill you up as he let out a final groan. You could barely hear him over your own lewd cry as your orgasm hit you hard. As your juices mixed, Jin collapsed on top of you. You wrapped your arms around him and held him tenderly against your chest. You laid together in silence for a while with synchronized breathing before Jin broke the silence.

“Do you think I’ll fall from Grace now? I indulged in the sin of lust. I don’t think the guys upstairs will understand that it was for research purposes,” Jin sounded worried.

“Do you regret it?” you asked quietly.

“Oddly enough, no. It was fun. I’m just worried because I’ve been an angel since the beginning of time. I don’t know how I’ll be anything else,” Jin admitted.

“Have your superiors ever checked up on you since they plopped you onto Earth?”

“Only once, close to the beginning. I never realized that they never check up on me. Does this mean they won’t find out?” Jin’s voice started to pick up.

“I won’t tell your superiors if you don’t tell mine! Although, I don’t think mine would care that much,” you laugh, hugging Jin closer to you.

“Deal. Wow, I really just made a deal with a devil huh?” Jin laughed at his own joke. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes and kiss him on the forehead.

“You know...we don’t have to part ways just yet. Stay the night. Let’s snuggle together and pretend we’re humans in love,” you whisper to him.

“Sure, I’ll stay the night. You don’t have to be human to know what love is, you know?” Jin crept up to kiss you gently.

“Shut up, angel. No more mushy talk. Just cuddle me and so I can fall asleep faster,” you snapped.

You switch positions so that you could nuzzle yourself into Jin’s chest. You both fell asleep in each other’s embrace, in each other’s arms and wings. You’ve never felt more at peace than this moment, in which you and Jin were entangled in each other’s wings. Neither of you noticed it, but your wings got a little lighter that night. Neither of your noticed, but Jin’s wings got a little darker that night.

Published October 31, 2020. No editing, copying, translating, or reposting allowed. All Rights Reserved © 2020 Baepsaesbae.

[undertalethingems]

Bark at the Moon Chapter 18: Another Truth

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Rating, Setting: Gen, Pre-canon

Chapter Warnings: None

Chapter Summary: Undyne suggests visiting Asgore to see if he can recall anything about the brothers’ past--but they need Alphys’ insight, and she’s late to the meeting...

"I apologize for failing my duties, sir," Undyne said, voice amplified by her helmet. She stood stiffly at attention, braced for whatever Asgore would say next. He was kind, and her mentor, but she'd abandoned her responsibilities. "I put a personal matter before my oath to protect all monster kind, and I accept whatever punishment you deem appropriate."

Asgore furrowed his brows, perplexed. "This is about the 'beast' incident, right? The rogue monster that turned out to be your friends?"

"Yes. I spent some time afterwards to search for them, to exclusion of all my other work."

Asgore sat back in his throne, stroking his beard. "You still had the rest of the guard on duty, correct? And you found them in the end... So, it all worked out, didn't it?"

Undyne sighed. "Sir... you really are a big softy."

"Well, I can hardly lose my best captain!" Asgore said with a smile. "Your dedication is something to aspire to--I hate to think what may have happened had you given up on your friends, and I'm sure they're happier for it as well. You did the right thing."

"Thank you, your majesty," Undyne replied, bowing her head. "Um, with that out of the way... I was wondering if I could ask you something."

"Oh? What is it?"

"Well..." Undyne started, then glanced around the room before stepping forward and continuing in a lower voice. "It turns out... the brothers are beasts because of something an old Royal Scientist did. We've--Alphys and I--have been wondering if there's anything you'd know about it."

Asgore blinked, then dipped his head as he thought. "No, I... I don't recall anything of the sort. Perhaps, if I met them, it would jog some memories."

Undyne grinned. "I think we can arrange that. Any particular time?"

Asgore thought. "Well, I am not up to much today... Perhaps after your patrol?"

"That should be fine. I think Alphys will want to come too, if that's alright."

"Of course! If she's helping with this conundrum, I think it's all the better," Asgore agreed. "If it's decided, then I shall see you later!"

"Yes sir, I'll let everyone know. And... thank you."

"Of course, captain. I'd have done the same thing."

Undyne nodded, then saluted before marching from the throne room. She should have known Asgore was too forgiving to hold her search-and-rescue stint against her. She'd been working harder than ever, trying to make up for her shortcoming--even sorting through old paperwork she usually got someone else to do. But... if it made no difference to Asgore, maybe she could lighten up on the extra patrols and have time for her friends again. With Sans and Papyrus not needing her help anymore, it'd been a few weeks since she'd seen them--and the last time she'd talked to Alphys had been during one of her shifts, and she'd had to cut her off. It sucked, and she was looking forward to having a social life again. The moment her patrol was over for the day, she pulled out her phone.

"Alphys, hey! Listen, I know it's short notice, but the king wants to meet with us--you, me, and the bros to discuss what's up with them."

"Uhhh what, y-you mean, like right now? H-how short-notice is this?" Alphys stammered on the other end, and Undyne regretted putting her on the spot.

"Er, yeah. I mean, I'm sure Asgore wouldn't mind waiting a bit--I have to tell the brothers too, and then we all gotta head to the castle... so, maybe in half an hour?"

"I was about to--w-well, I guess I don't have to do that now--um, so should I bring the files on what we know so far?"

"That might be a good idea. Asgore said he doesn't remember anything about it," Undyne replied. "Which is odd, but I guess so is everything else about this."

"Y-yeah... okay, let me get some things together, and I'll meet you guys there!"

"Great! I know we'll get to the bottom of this--alright, see you soon!"

Undyne hung up, then dialed a different number. "Hi Papyrus! Are you guys busy?"

"Undyne! An excellent choice in calling me--what can I help you with?" he replied, and she chuckled.

"Actually, I think we're gonna be helping you--Asgore wants to see you guys, and figure out if he can remember anything about... uh, what happened to you. He's ready to see us now, so head on up to the castle--Alphys is coming too, and we're all gonna meet there in about twenty minutes."

"Wowie! King Fluffybuns himself! Alright, I'll wrangle Sans and see you guys there!"

"Okay, see you in a bit."

With her calls made, Undyne set off for home to get out of her armor, then for New Home. ...Wow, Asgore was really bad at names. But, it didn't matter--he was a great leader otherwise, and he was going to help them figure out how the mess with the skeleton brothers had ever started. She marched toward the castle purposefully, wondering what they might discuss. The castle soon loomed overhead, and she grinned as she saw the brothers waiting just outside.

"Hey guys! Looks like you made good time."

"It's hard not to when your brother decides he's done enough walking for the day," Papyrus replied with a huff, glaring down at his brother, who chuckled.

"listen, i've had enough action for a lifetime bro. think i'm gonna slack off even more."

"Sans! That! Is almost a fair point, but I think even you know you can become too lazy! So I won't allow it!"

"fine, fine. think of it as me saving my energy for important stuff then."

Papyrus snorted, then turned back to Undyne. "Well, the main thing is that we're all here. Right?"

Undyne glanced around--she hadn't spotted Alphys. "I think so--Alphys must have gone inside already. Shall we?"

"We shall!" Papyrus declared, leading the way in.

Asgore was waiting for them in his throne room, perking up from tending flowers when they entered. "Ah, howdy everyone! I was just finishing up a little gardening. I hope you're all well--once Doctor Alphys arrives, we'll get started."

Undyne frowned. "She's not here yet?"

Asgore pursed his lips as he shook his head. "No, I assumed you'd all be arriving together. She's not with you?"

"No..." Undyne trailed, "but, maybe she's just running a little late. It was pretty short notice, and she said she had to get some stuff together..."

"Well, let's wait for her then. I don't believe there's any rush," Asgore said, turning back to the flowers, picking off dead stems and sprinkling water as he puttered along. "Let me know if you would like tea. It would not take long to make at all, and I always find it comforting when discussing... serious matters."

"That is an excellent idea," Papyrus replied, glancing to his brother. "It would be lovely to sit and tell this tale around the fireplace while we all drink flavored leaf water together!"

Undyne noticed that neither of the brothers--but particularly Sans--had stepped far into the throne room. Sans looked tense, and Papyrus was casting concerned glances... Oh. Golden flowers...

"Yeah, I could go for some too," she agreed, and Asgore smiled and set his watering can down.

"Wonderful! Go sit anywhere you like, I'll start the water boiling."

The trio headed back through the hall up to Asgore's home while he brought up the rear. Undyne picked a spot at the table, and the brothers followed her lead as best they could--most chairs weren't exactly made to accommodate dragon-horse-lizard things. But they managed to get settled, and Undyne noted they looked more relaxed now that they weren't surrounded by flowers. Only a few more minutes passed, and Asgore carried out a small tray with the steaming kettle and five dainty teacups. He gave one to each of them, leaving the fifth empty.

"I do hope Alphys arrives soon," he said, finally taking his seat. "It has been a little while since I spoke to her... But she seems to be very busy with her experiments, and I do not want to impose."

"Yeah... I'll text her and see what's up," Undyne said, pulling out her phone and sending a brief message, then sipped her tea. Asgore was always really good at getting it to just the right temperature.

"So," Asgore began, "are you boys... doing alright? I do not know the full story yet, but, Undyne told me a little... It sounds very frightening to go through something like that."

"We're doing much better now!" Papyrus replied brightly, perking up. "It was scary at first just because we didn't know what to do... and while we still don't know what to do, we're not afraid of people hunting us down anymore!"

Asgore blinked. "Er, yes, that's good to hear. I'll do my best to help you. How are things in Snowdin? I do not get out there very often."

Papyrus happily began filling him in; after listening for a while, Sans turned to her.

"nothing from alph yet?"

"No... that's weird, she's usually pretty quick. It's like her phone is glued to her hand some days," Undyne joked. "She hates phone calls, but, maybe I should try that next. Hold on."

She dialed, and listened to it ring--it picked up. "Hey, Alphys! I--"

The call dropped. Or had been hung up. Either way, it had cut off without a word, and Undyne frowned before dialing again. This time it rang and rang until finally going to voicemail, and Undyne left a message. "Hey Alphys! We're all waiting for you at Asgore's place--is everything okay? Call me back soon."

"We will give her a little more time," Asgore said, refreshing everyone's tea. "Perhaps something came up."

So they waited. Sans dozed off with his head resting on the table while Papyrus and Asgore got into a discussion about puzzle history; Undyne found herself checking her phone every few minutes, but the result was always the same: no new messages. An hour after their meeting was supposed to begin, she stood.

"I'm going to check on her."

"Do you believe something's wrong?" Asgore questioned, looking worried, and Undyne grimaced.

"She's never taken this long to reply to a message... Even if she just got distracted, I wanna check up on her."

"Very well. Brothers, you can stay here if you like..."

Papyrus rose as well. "I'll go too! Between the two of us, we're sure to find her!"

"ok bro. i'll stay here. as long as asgore doesn't mind me monopolizing the spot in front of the fire."

"Oh, I don't mind. I was going to do a little tidying, if that's alright."

"guess it's settled."

"Okay. See you guys later then," Undyne said, then headed for the door with Papyrus in tow. She broke into a jog, heading for the elevator that would take them right to the Core's upper entrance,  and they'd reach the lab from there. Papyrus kept pace easily, and occasionally sniffed the ground to see if Alphys had come this way--but he'd found nothing yet.

They made it to the lab, with neither incident nor finding Alphys--it was like she hadn't left at all. Undyne exchanged a look with Papyrus, then stepped forward. The door slid open, and she cautiously entered. The lights were still on...

"Alphys? Hello? It's me and Papyrus, we came to check up on you... Uh, 'me' being Undyne of course..."

Only her own voice echoed. Undyne frowned, and headed further in. Papyrus put his nose to work, sweeping along the floor to find the freshest trail, which led him to the door marked with a bathroom sign.

"She's, in there," he said, stopping just short of it.

"The bathroom...?"

His tail twitched. "It's. There's one down there, yes."

"Down... Papyrus? I know you said you were... born here, but... what are you talking about?"

He stared at the door. "This floor is just the nice part of the lab. There's a lot more floors down below. She must be on. One of those."

She noted how stiff he looked, and grunted. "Well, we have to find her. If she got in trouble somehow... Well, I'd want someone to come looking for me. I know you don't like it here, but... I won't let anything happen to you either. Come on."

She stepped forward again, but the door didn't open this time. She tried again, waved at it, but nothing happened. It was locked. Well, that wasn't about to stop her--she took a few paces back, then leapt at the door from a running start, landing a flying kick directly in the center. The metal buckled and folded back under her assault, revealing a short hallway leading to an elevator. She landed on her feet, and turned to see a very startled Papyrus looking back at her.

"...I'll fix it later. Let's go find Alphys."

He took a deep breath, then followed her into the elevator. "Maybe she'll keep it as a testament to your frightening muscles, Undyne."

Undyne snorted. "Maybe. Now, which floor do you think we should try first? Start from the top and work our way down?'

"If she's in trouble like you think, that could take too long! Let's see..." Papyrus stepped closer to the control panel and narrowed his eyes. "A-ha! ... I have no way of knowing either."

"You could probably smell her though, right? We just need to find which floor has the strongest scent," Undyne suggested, and he perked up.

"Of course! Down we go!" He pressed the first button--but nothing happened. "Hmm. That wasn't as timely as I hoped."

He tried again, then the next one, and the next--but got the same result.

"Do any of these work?!" Undyne groused, and ran her hand down the side of the panel Papyrus hadn't tried. The elevator shuddered--and finally moved. "Hey! I got it!"

"Good job! Hopefully that's the only floor of this horrible place we'll have to check!"

Undyne gave a bittersweet smile. "Yeah."

The elevator finally slowed to a stop and the door slid open. They stepped out into a dimly lit hall, and Papyrus sniffed.

"Huh. I don't think this floor looks familiar, actually. The good news is, Alphys is definitely here. But..."

"But what?" Undyne asked warily.

"I can smell... Oh, it's probably just the smell of science! Come on, she must be close!"

Undyne watched him bound ahead, noting he looked tense again. He probably just didn't like being down here, but... She summoned a spear just in case, and followed the sound of his footsteps as they clicked on the tile floor. It was eerie in these halls... nothing like the bright, airy lab she knew. Did Alphys really work in a place like this? It didn't seem like her.

But maybe it was like they guy she'd replaced.

She quickened her pace to jog beside Papyrus as he did the sleuthing, and they swept through the darkened passages together. They passed a heavy blast door, and through a room full of beds; Undyne wondered at them--Alphys was always talking about robotics and computers, and didn't have assistants... But Papyrus skirted them, heading for the next doorway.

They were traversing a long straight hallway when a fluid, pale gray mass burst from the floor. Papyrus screeched, backpedaling straight into Undyne and knocking the wind out of her as she tumbled to the floor. She struggled to get up--then realized Papyrus was now standing over her protectively even as he rattled with fear. He hissed, a deep threatening sound Undyne had never heard from him, and the strange mass quivered--but didn't move. Papyrus planted his feet and inhaled, light gathering in his jaws before firing a beam of magic straight into the thing's center--and then it split into three.

Or was it in three places at once?

Undyne scrambled up, panting as she tried to get a read on her opponents. They were unlike any monster she'd ever seen, a slimy heap of tendrils and faces and--a glowing eyelight met her gaze, and she suddenly realized there was a pit in her stomach. Actually, this thing looked too familiar now--

It made a horrible electronic screech, and Papyrus yelped. He fired another beam, and Undyne snapped out of her horror. However horrible she thought this thing was, it was even more distressing to her friend. She readied her spear, selected the same entity Papyrus had attacked--and yelled.

Its health bar was broken.

Whatever damage Papyrus had dealt had only increased this thing's vitality--it had broken the readout. They couldn't hurt it. If they couldn't figure out how to spare it, it could...

"Papyrus! I know this is weird coming from me, but, we can't fight these things!"

It was the entities' turn. They attacked together--or perhaps only one of them did--filling the bounds of the board with strange smiling faces. Undyne did her best to dodge them, only to look over and see Papyrus curled up, unmoving, and quaking with fear. Not good. As soon as it was their turn again--he fled the battle. Undyne looked from him to the other, grit her teeth, and followed suit.

"Papyrus!"

She came to a crossroads, and decided to keep going straight, hoping it was what Papyrus had done and that he hadn't slipped. Something about whatever that thing was had made him react instinctively--she'd never known him to lose control in battle like that. Bringing him along was starting to seem like a really bad idea.

"Papyrus?" she called again, slowing down as she entered another room. The walls were lined with fans, which circulated fresh air in. But that wasn't what caught her eye--a pair of orange lights shone at her from the end of the hall, and below the hum of the fans, she could hear bones rattling. Papyrus was curled up at the far wall, and he whimpered as she slowly approached.

"Hey punk, I'm here. I won't let that thing touch you again. C'mere."

She knelt, and was nearly knocked over as he barreled into her. She adjusted her footing to support him better, and she waited until his shivering had calmed down to speak again.

"Do... Can you explain anything about what that was?"

He shuddered again, and opened his jaws to speak; at first, only a dry rasp came out, but he cleared his throat and tried again. "I... it..."

"It's okay, take your time."

He panted, then shut his eyes and took a few deep breaths. "They.. Th-they were... I could have been that."

Undyne flinched. "What?!"

"I could smell it--bone, but wrong--all wrong. Th-their voice--their voices--almost, a-almost..."

She rubbed his back, and he shuddered again.

"I--I'm sorry I panicked, Undyne. I know you expect better of me. They just brought back... bad memories."

"Hey, shh, it's fine. Those things freaked me out too. We came down here to find Alphys, not fight... that. Are you sure she's past... where those things were?"

He heaved a tremulous sigh. "The scent trail was really strong..."

"I was afraid of that..." Undyne said, then her expression hardened. "If they hurt her, I'll... Stay here. I'll go on ahead."

"I... N-no, I should come with. I was just surprised earlier, it's fine!" Papyrus said, standing.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea..."

"If it's too much, I'll just run away again. It's fine! Alphys needs us!!"

Undyne sighed. "Okay. Stay close."

They left the ventilation room behind, with Undyne leading this time. Spear at the ready, she walked slowly, watching for signs of movement and ears straining for the slightest sound. They passed the junction and kept going--it wouldn't be long before they arrived at the spot they'd been attacked at again.

It was so quiet she almost didn't catch it--but far ahead, there was a shuffling sound. She held out her arm, and they stopped to listen. It kept coming--a steady, quiet slap-slap on the tile far ahead. Footsteps... Undyne inhaled, and relaxed as it dawned on her.

"Alphys?"

"A-ah... Undyne..." Her voice sounded weak, and Undyne let her spear dissolve as she ran forward.

"Are you okay?! Are you hurt?! Papyrus and I ran into this crazy--thing, and it--"

"Amalgamate," Alphys interrupted. "You met an amalgamate."

"Wh..."

"Follow me... there's... There's some people you should meet..."

Alphys began shuffling back the way she came, and Undyne and Papyrus exchanged looks. She seemed... downtrodden. Undyne frowned, and followed her down the hall, still on edge should the amalgamate return. The hallway finally opened into another room, and Undyne heard Papyrus stumble to a stop behind her--she couldn't blame him, considering there was a huge machine hanging in the middle of the room, its red outer shell shaped... not too differently from his own skull. It gave Undyne that pit in her stomach again, but Alphys had slipped into a small side room.

"Papyrus, come on. This one's a machine, it can't hurt you."

"... Smells like... more bad memories," he uttered, shivering as he scratched at a spot on his arm. But she put her hand on his shoulder, and they headed into the side room together.

Alphys was surrounded by the white shifting beings. Undyne yelled, summoning an array of spears--but Alphys had leapt, balancing on the back of a couch with arms raised. At least, she balanced briefly--not built for acrobatics, her tail wasn't enough to counterbalance her outstretched arms, and she pitched forward with a squeak. Undyne dispelled her spears and lunged, catching the little lizard just in time.

"Alphys, what the hell is going on?! What--what are these?!"

"I-it's the amalgamates, th-they're friendly! Don't worry!" Alphys quickly explained, and Undyne set her down.

"One of them attacked us--"

"It's not here," Papyrus spoke up, and she turned to him before scanning the room. There was a vaguely dog-shaped mass, a heap of teeth and muscles, a spindly birdlike thing, and what looked like a snowdrake at first but... did it have... vegetoids for eyes? Undyne grimaced. But Papyrus was right--the creature that had attacked them wasn't here.

"O-oh, you must have met the memoryheads," Alphys explained. "th-they come and go a lot... I'm sure they didn't mean to hurt you."

"They scared Papyrus," Undyne replied. "Why are you here? What's going on?"

Alphys shrank, claws fidgeting as she cast her eyes to the ground. "I... I... I don't think I should help..."

"Why not? You're a great scientist--"

"She made us like this." "She made us like this." "She made us like this." "She made us like this." "She made us like this." "She made us like this." "She made us like this." "She made us like this." "She made us like this." "She made us like this." "She made us like this." "She made us like this."

Undyne flinched at the cacophony of voices--the toothy creature had spoken. Alphys looked like she wanted to disappear. The thin bird spoke next, three voices at once.

"She tried her best"

"She wanted to help."

"Ribbit..."

"Sno... wy..." the snowdrake said weakly in the corner.

"I'm... I'm sorry. I... I didn't want anyone to find out about this--what happened here," Alphys continued. "I made a horrible mistake, and ruined these people's lives, and lied--lied to you, to everyone... so... You should just. Forget about me..."

"What?!" Undyne uttered; she was still trying to sort out just what had happened down here, and she was no good at emotional stuff. But she'd have to try--she hated the look on Alphys' face. It was the same one she'd worn just before they'd first met. She sighed, and relaxed. "Look Alphys, I don't know what's going on here, but, I don't care--I'm just glad you're okay! We were worried something horrible had happened to you!"

Alphys looked up blearily. "Really?"

"Yes! You're our friend!" Papyrus spoke up cheerfully, and Alphys managed a weak smile.

"W-well... If you hear what I did... you won't want to be."

Undyne dropped to her knees and cupped Alphys cheeks in her hands. "Alphys. You're SMART, you're PASSIONATE, you've figured stuff out in hours what I never could in a million years. No matter what you did, I'm GLAD you're here, working to help monsters even if you don't always know what's gonna work. We'll figure out what to do--together."

"You mean it?" Alphys said, somewhat muffled and clearly turning pink under Undyne's hands.

"Of COURSE I do! That's what we're gonna do for the bros, right? You think this only applies to them?"

"W-well... I-I... didn't think... I..." She trailed, then placed her hands over Undyne's. "Th-thank you, Undyne. I'm... I'm really, really glad you guys came here. Other wise, I might have... W-well. I wouldn't have helped anyone that way. I came down here because I thought I'd made up my mind to do the right thing, but... I started thinking about it and... couldn't... couldn't bear the thought of losing... losing your friendship. But..."

She sniffled, but shut her eyes, focused. "After Sans and Papyrus told us what happened to them, I knew I needed to come clean about the amalgamates if I wasn't going to be a huge hypocrite. I... I have to tell Asgore that the experiment failed. I have to... I have to let these guys go home to their families. I've been so afraid of the consequences, but... I don't want to be like the Royal Scientist who came before me."

"You can't! You're not a skeleton!" Papyrus offered helpfully, and Alphys snorted.

"N-no, that's true. But I mean, like him in the 'bad scientist' way. I kept what had happened a secret from everyone..."

"Hey, I'm just proud you're willing to own up to your mistakes," Undyne said, pulling her into a hug. "I'm sure everyone will understand... once you explain it."

"Y-yeah... I... I wanted to do that when we met up with Asgore tonight, but, it was such short notice... I chickened out."

"Well, lucky for you we're here to un-chicken you," Papyrus said, seeming much perkier now. "You know old King Fluffy, he's a softy about everything! And, I'm sure all your melty friends will be happy to return home--I know the feeling and everyone will be so happy to see them again!"

Alphys smiled, a bit more genuine now. "I-I think, as long as you guys are there, I can explain everything. But... o-okay. H-hold on a sec."

She drew back, and turned to the amalgamates. "O-kay guys... As you all just heard... I'm finally going to tell the king what happened, and then, your families. I think you should wait here just a little longer, but, you'll... you go home soon. Th... Thank you for... for waiting so long. I hope you can forgive me. But it's time this was over."

The snowdrake shuffled from the corner, leaving a trail of sludge. "S..... no.... wy....?"

"Yes. Mrs. Snowdrake, you'll see your son soon," Alphys said, looking like she might cry. "You just--just wait a little longer, please."

"We'll watch some movies." "We'll watch some movies." "We'll watch some movies." "We'll watch some movies." "We'll watch some movies." "We'll watch some movies." "We'll watch some movies." "We'll watch some movies." "We'll watch some movies."

The doglike amalgamate wagged its excitement indicator.

"Have courage."

"Ribbit ribbit."

"You finally got it."

"Th-thanks guys. I... I'll be back soon, I promise" Alphys said, then turned to her friends. "Okay. Let's go."

The journey back upstairs was much less tense, and it wasn't long before they were finally in open air and on their way back to Asgore's castle. Undyne kept a reassuring hand on Alphys' shoulder, and she tried not to steal too many glances at her; she'd have to do this again when they were just... hanging out. Yeah. That'd be nice...

"So Alphys, if I have deduced things correctly, you created the amalgamates," Papyrus began, "on accident of course, but, I have to ask... where did you get skeletons!?"

"Wh-what?"

"Papyrus..."

"I'm just wondering, because, um, if there are other skeletons and my brother and I never knew about them... um..."

"O-oh, uh... no, I didn't have any skeletons in my test group," Alphys explained, scratching her head. "Why do you ask?"

"W-well, it's just, um... the amalgamate Undyne and I fought, was... skeletons... sort of..."

Alphys' brow furrowed. "Th... how's that possible?"

"I was hoping you knew." Papyrus said, grin tight. "It's not important! Let's meet back up with Sans and the king! They must be wondering where we are!"

Undyne watched him trot ahead, then spoke in a low voice. "It really freaked him out, enough that he slipped, just a little. When I met back up with him and we talked... he said it was something he could've become. That they smelled like bone, but... all wrong."

Alphys studied him as she thought. "I... I can't be sure, but if that's true... It's only a hypothesis, but, that means the memoryheads aren't from my experiments."

"They're from his."

"Y-yeah."

"Alphys... I'm really glad you want to help them. You're a good person, you know?"

She wilted a little. "I... I'm trying to take your word for it."

Undyne squeezed her shoulder, and they continued on. The guards at the castle gate saluted her as they entered, and then it was a matter of making it back to Asgore's house. The king welcomed them in, giving them each a hug as he explained how worried he'd been. Sans was not so concerned--he was blinking awake after napping in front of the fire all evening, and slowly shuffled to join everyone else at the table as they settled in.

Undyne sat next to Alphys, and squeezed her hand as she took a deep breath--and began explaining her experiment and how it had all gone wrong. Asgore listened, eyes wide--then glistening as he listened to her struggles, and Alphys found her other hand engulfed by his as he leaned across the table, moved to tears.

"Oh Doctor Alphys, I had no idea! You should have said something, oh--there there, it is alright,  we will get it all sorted out. I'm very glad everyone is alright, even if it didn't turn out like we'd hoped."

"S-so... you're not... mad that I failed? And lied about it for so long?" Alphys asked timidly, and he sat back with a heavy sigh.

"I do wish you'd told me how things were going, but... to be honest, I know how you feel. I do not want war or power, but... The people need hope, and I promised them freedom. I do not feel I can go back on my war declaration when that is what has given everyone something to work for. It is.. difficult to do the right thing... especially when so many people are counting on you."

Alphys blinked, rubbing at her own eyes. "Th... Thank you, Asgore. Everyone should be able to go back home... I can only hope their families will take it as well as you did."

Asgore smiled. "Alphys, though they may be changed, they did not Fall Down thanks to you. I think everyone should be very happy about that."

"Y-yeah. I guess... I guess I g-got too caught up in thinking about it as a failure, and not recognizing the small bit of good that came out of it," Alphys surmised, and Asgore patted her shoulder gently.

"That is how you keep moving forward, my dear. Speaking of moving forward... if that is the full story there... I think it's time we discussed the brothers' predicament. Here, I will make us fresh tea."

He got up, and Undyne squeezed Alphys in a side-hug.

"See? We told you it'd be okay."

"Y-yeah. I... Thanks again. For being there for me."

Undyne caught the looks the brothers exchanged with one another, but they said nothing so neither would she. "Of course, Alphys. Anytime."

Asgore returned with more tea, and spoke as he poured and passed a cup to everyone. "Now then, with a nice fresh cup, tell me this other story, about the beast of Snowdin and how it wasn't really a beast but two nice young men with a strange ability."

Between the four of them, they relayed the different parts of the story. Asgore tried to stay resolute, but on hearing how the brothers had separated, struggled with powerful instincts, and reunited, his eyes were glistening again. Once they got through explaining their origin, the dam had burst once more, and he dabbed at his eyes with a lavender kerchief. He managed to listen to the rest without openly sobbing, but had to take a few deep breaths to steady himself once they'd finished. He rose, and knelt. The brothers turned to face him, and he cupped their heads in his hands.

"Sans, Papyrus... I am so, so sorry that you both have suffered so much, seemingly from my orders to find some way to gain an advantage over the humans. I do not remember this former scientist, but had I known what he was doing--creating living things and using them as tools--I would not have allowed it. I hope you can forgive me."

"It's okay," Papyrus spoke up, raising his head from Asgore's palm to place a paw on it. "No one knew about it, even the people who worked for him."

"you shouldn't blame yourself for the actions of someone else who took advantage of your trust. it was their choice to do that, not yours. that said... maybe you should keep in better touch with your scientists going forward," Sans added, glancing over at Alphys, who nodded in agreement.

"I'll admit, science has never been my strong point..." Asgore replied, drawing back and scratching his beard in embarrassment. "I'm afraid it all just goes over my head, so, I've had to trust what my scientists say... Perhaps I am a fool..."

"In my opinion, it takes a special kind of jerk to do what Gaster did," Undyne spoke up. "Alphys didn't want anyone mad at her--she already had your permission for the experiment. Gaster... he took your orders and twisted them into meaning he could do whatever he wanted, and kept exactly what he was doing from you the whole time."

Asgore nodded gravely. "Indeed. I wish I could help you boys more, as you had hoped, but..."

"s'ok, it's good enough to know you wouldn't be down with the whole 'living weapon' thing."

"No... though war makes us do terrible things... creating life and treating it so callously is inexcusable. If there is anything I can do for you two, please let me know. Alphys, seeing as the Determination experiment is over... you have my permission to work on whatever project strikes you as most promising. If that is helping the brothers, that is quite alright."

"Th-thank you, sir."

"Fantastic! This will be Alphys' most important assignment yet, because the assignment is me!" Papyrus beamed, tail lashing with excitement. "And my brother too of course, but, he's not going to be joining the Royal Guard when all this is over."

"Hey, you still gotta get through me," Undyne laughed. "Let's work on getting you back to your old self, then we can talk about recruitment."

"Oh fine," Papyrus sighed. "But, it's still happening."

Asgore chuckled. "I'm sure. Well my friends, I do not know if it has been a pleasant evening, so to speak... but I'm very glad you came and told me all this. May we all be able to move forward more wisely, and you have luck with your efforts."

"I-I think I'm going to find out what I can from the old labs. There seem to be sections I've n-never seen... M-maybe I can salvage data from the old drives, and have some numbers to compare to the brother's current states--maybe even... maybe even figure out how Gaster was able to do this at all. A monster's body is tied to their soul, so for a monster to be able to change their body... A-anyway, I need data. S-so, that's where I'll start."

"I cannot begin to fathom what that entails, but... I can only trust that you know what to do," Asgore said, giving a small smile.

"W-well, I'll do my best to summarize the reports once I have something," Alphys said, and he patted her head.

"Alright my friends, it is getting late and I am afraid I must retire for the evening. Please take care, and let me know how it goes."

"You can count on us," Undyne said, saluting him, and the others nodded.

"Good. I will see you soon."

They finally left, and Alphys sighed with audible relief. "I was soooo worried you guys, oh my god. B-but! It worked out! I d-don't have to hide anything anymore! W-which means--! Undyne, I--"

"Yeah?"

Alphys trembled, slowly turning red again. "I--I--I have a new anime I wanna show you! We can, u-um, see it later, if you want."

"Cool! Does it have fighting in it this time?"

"U-uh, n-no, b-but--it has--a g-girl--who's good? At fighting?? B-but also... maybe... k-kissing..."

Undyne furrowed her brow. "Huh. Well, I'm sure it'll be great. We can watch that after I help you get the amalgamates home, okay?"

"O-oh, you... really want to help with that?"

"Sure! The guard knows where everyone lives, so we can help escort everyone. But, not tonight. I gotta agree with Asgore, it's pretty late."

"It's early if you don't sleep!" Papyrus offered.

"and if you do," Sans added, and Papyrus swatted at him--a move he dodged easily. "anyway, me and my bro are headed home. let us know when you wanna do science stuff, alph."

"O-of course! Like I said, I want to see what I can find out from the labs first, and I'll contact you when I have more information."

"A brilliant plan Dr. Alphys! We'll talk again soon, and finally find the solution to this most persistent of problematic happenstances. Goodnight!"

In a blink, they were gone.

Alphys shook her head. "Not gonna lie, I wanna look into how he does that t-too..."

Undyne snorted. "Guess you better add it to your project list. Here, I'll walk you to the lab."

"Oh... th-thank you."

They spent the rest of the walk back talking about anything that came to mind; anime, science,  a new song Undyne had been working on. It was a nice way to finish out the evening after a long day at work, and then feeling like something awful had happened to someone Undyne cared about so much. If only she could find the right words to say, finally write a letter that could express all the feelings she had for Alphys... but this was nice enough. It seemed like Alphys really liked hanging out with her, and even if she didn't feel the same way, Undyne was glad she knew her.

She was looking forward to seeing her more.

[ikkaku-of-heart]

Her Brother's Blood is on His Hands

(Originally written for @heart-pirates-week for Ikkaku’s day with the prompt “Family” but ended up being delayed until now. Inspired by discussions with @shambledsurgeon and @medicus-mortem)

Ikkaku awoke slowly, the persistent beeping of a heart monitor resembling that of a particularly slow but annoying alarm clock. She tried to sit up but a sharp pain in her side dissuaded her, so she was forced to remain on her back, looking around at the sterile walls of the infirmary. She was hooked up to an IV, there were several machines monitoring her vitals, and she could feel the pressure of tightly-wound bandages around her torso and arms.

“Welcome back to the land of the living,” Law said from the chair at her bedside, putting down the medical book he’d been reading. The circles under his eyes appeared darker than usual, but his grin was comforting and sure. “I was beginning to wonder if we’d have to resort to drastic measures to wake Sleeping Beauty.”

“Law?” she asked weakly, grimacing at how hoarse she sounded due to the dryness of her throat. “The fuck happened?”

“Gonna have to be more specific,” he stated as he carefully helped prop her up enough that she could safely drink some water. “Do you mean how did you end up here? Maybe the extent of your wounds? Or how about what, exactly, I did to the fucker who hurt you?”

Her eyes widened as she recalled what had happened. She’d been taking a walk with Jean Bart, venting about how much she hated that they were now government dogs because Law’d insisted on handing the Navy one hundred hearts. They’d run into a squad of Marines. Her brother’s squad, to be exact. Ushi had decided it was pointless trying to climb the Navy ranks the normal way, and thus had come up with the idea of sucking up to the Celestial Dragons. And what better way to do so than to return to Saint Rosward his wayward slave?

Heart clenching at the thought of her shipmate being handed back over to those bastards, she asked, “Is Jean—”

“He’s fine. Discharged yesterday,” Law promised, nodding towards the empty bed on the other side of the room. He picked up a chart, studying it as he continued, “Needed a lot of stitches for the lacerations across his back and arms, but nothing life-threatening.”

“Good,” she sighed in relief. He hadn’t been killed or taken. Jean Bart would continue to live as a free man for a while longer. He deserved that much.

“Was quite the sight, seeing him charging towards the ship, covered in blood, carrying you like a baby while you bled out from a stab wound,” he commented, voice even, though there was an unmistakable tightness in his jaw. “I’m just glad he managed to tell me who’d done this to you two before he passed out.”

White teeth sank into her bottom lip, guilt pulsing through her. That’s right. It hadn’t exactly been a victory. They’d managed to take down most of the Marines, but Ushi had managed to get behind her, and then there’d been excruciating pain as he’d driven a knife deep into her side…

“I’m sorry, Captain,” she whispered, black curls hiding her face as she hung her head in shame.

“The hell are you apologizing for?” he asked, gold eyes flicking up from the clipboard and narrowing in displeasure.

She wrung her hands, anxious and guilty. “Jean Bart got hurt because of my family baggage.”

“He got hurt because of an opportunistic asshole who decided that Jean being under the protection of a shichibukai didn’t matter,” he snapped. Pausing, he took a deep breath to compose himself. “The fact that said asshole came out of the same uterus as you is irrelevant.”

“We both know that’s not true,” she countered, refusing to look at him. “He targeted the Hearts because of me. He always has. And he wouldn’t have been able to go after Jean Bart if I’d let you kill him years ago. Or killed him myself. You deserve a subordinate with the stones to kill her own brother.”

Internally, she berated herself for that last part. None of this would be a problem if she’d just toughened up and put an end to that bastard. Why did she always seem to stop herself? Morality? Because she knew how heartbroken her parents would be? Because even years later, she was still scared of her childhood boogeyman?

Her thoughts were disturbed by the clipboard lightly smacking her on the head in reproach. It didn’t hurt, but Ikkaku rubbed her head anyway, frowning up at her captain. “You trying to knock me unconscious again?”

“If that’s what it takes to get you to stop talking bullshit,” he retorted. He glared at her for a moment before letting out a sigh, a tattooed hand falling heavily on her shoulder. “Ikkaku,” Law stated, tone brokering no argument, “what I deserve is a subordinate with the stones to stand up to a power-hungry bastard looking to sell her nakama to a bunch of delusional inbred freaks, which that’s exactly what I’ve got. And what you deserve is to not get stabbed in the spleen by your own blood.”

Well. It was hard to argue that logic. “I guess. But next time—”

“There won’t be a next time.”

“You don’t know that.”

The hand on her shoulder fell away to flip through the pages of her chart. “Ikkaku, you nearly bled out before you even got to the sub. You’re lucky Shachi and Penguin share your blood type and were basically tripping over themselves to donate. I had to replace your spleen and left kidney, and if that knife had gone in at a slightly different angle, he could have punctured your stomach or lung. In other words, this bastard nearly cost me my engineer. You’ve known me for goin’ on five years now; do you really think that once you were stable I just sat around twiddling my thumbs while I waited for you to wake up?”

Dark eyes widened in realization. “Did you kill him?”

“Would you be mad if I said I had?”

No. Not at him at least, but she still felt like she’d let him down by not being able to do it herself. “He shouldn’t have been your problem to solve.”

“You’re right. He shouldn’t have been a problem,” he replied harshly. Before Ikkaku could internally berate herself further, though, Law ran a hand through his hair in frustration, and there was a spark of guilt in his eyes. “No Marine should have even touched you guys. That’s supposed to be one of the fucking perks of being a shichibukai. I told you when I took this damn title that you be safe and look how that turned out.”

Yes, that had been a major argument between them, hadn’t it? For Ikkaku, not wanting to be affiliated with the World Government hadn’t just been a matter of pride or general hatred for the bastards who ran the world – she’d been afraid. Terrified that her brother would be waiting for her around every corner. That he’d find a way to get her alone, to finish the job he’d started when she was seven, to finally get her out of his hair. Law had promised she’d be safe, that he wouldn’t let him so much as breath near her. Eventually, she’d come to believe him, but things hadn’t gone to plan.

“You can’t blame yourself for Ushi not following the rules, Law,” she insisted. Yeah, she could have berated him for not listening to her, but in reality, Law’s logic had been sound; Ushi shouldn’t have dared to try anything. Ikkaku didn’t just have the Hearts protecting her anymore – the Navy itself had become another obstacle in his way. She should have been safe.

However, even she hadn’t fully considered why Ushi would go this far, but in hindsight, it made sense. Last she’d checked, he hadn’t been promoted in a while. Hadn’t advanced as quickly as he wanted or earned any accolades for heroism like everyone back home had been expecting. He was a commodore still – not even a rear-admiral, and his name didn’t strike fear into the hearts of pirates like Smoker’s did.

Because he’d been put on a pedestal, her brother had always gotten away with everything, which had only enforced his cruel and abusive nature. The whole island had believed that he’d become a famous Marine and boost their reputation, which was why they’d been willing to overlook the bruises that littered his sister’s arms, or the fact that she’d gone missing for three days while under his care.

If he’d come home a failure, everyone would have to finally admit he was nothing but a twisted, cruel bully. And instead of accepting the blame for enabling, they’d likely make him answer for his crimes.

But more than that, he’d be forced to accept that he was never that special to begin with, and she knew a man as arrogant as him wouldn’t be able to bear that.

Shaking her head, she almost felt pity for him. “Ushi was desperate, and desperate men are unpredictable as fuck. You couldn’t have known he’d be crazy enough to try to suck up to the Celestial Dragons.”

“Neither of us could have known, but I still could have protected you better,” Law retorted, crossing his arms. He still didn’t look fully convinced of his own absolution, but he declared quite plainly, “The fact is, brothers shouldn’t murder their younger siblings, or even try to.”

Well, not even Ikkaku could argue that.

But actions had consequences, and there was still a strong chance Law’s retaliation, justified or not, would bite him in the ass.

“Ushi might have been no one special, but the Navy’s not going to be happy about you killing one of their own,” she said, genuinely worried. Even if Ushi had been going against orders, shichibukai weren’t supposed to attack their Marine allies. What if they decided to strip Law of his new title? Sure, she hated that he was a government dog, but it was a vital part of his plan to take down Joker, and if that had been stripped away because he’d recklessly pursued revenge on her behalf…

The way he smirked at her belied that he didn’t share even a fraction of her concern. “The Navy’ll have a hell of a time pinning a murder on me when there’s no evidence. It’s unlikely he was ordered to attack you and Jean Bart, so there’s no paper trail. The man was obsessed with advancing up the ladder, so likely only a select few are even aware you’re related, thus no one knows of his unfortunate connection to the Heart Pirates. And unless they plan on gutting a bunch of Sea Kings and piecing together chunks of half-digested flesh, I doubt they’ll find enough of his body to even determine his cause of death.”

“You fed him to Sea Kings?”

“His remains, at least. As for how I killed him…well, I won’t bore you with the details.”

It was highly doubtful what he’d done could be described as boring, but Ikkaku decided not to press him. Knowing Law, it had been slow, painful, and had probably involved dissection. “You didn’t have to do all that for me, Captain.”

He dismissed her concerns with a casual wave of his hand. “Of course I did. You’re family. Besides, if I hadn’t, the rest of the crew would have gone after him themselves, and they wouldn’t have done as good a job covering their tracks. Or made him scream quite as loud. No offense to them, but conventional torture methods just can’t match the agony of having your heart slowly crushed to a pulp.”

Was she a bad person for not feeling sick at the thought of her oldest brother—her own blood—being subjected to the Surgeon of Death’s sadism? That instead of anger or disgust, she felt relieved? Sure, he was a massive piece of shit who deserved to die for everything he’d done to her, her other brothers, and who knows what else, but he was still family, wasn’t he?

No. The Hearts were family. Law was family. He was right – Ushi was blood, but he wasn’t her brother.

Law’s brow furrowed with concern and he reached forward, cupping her cheeks and wiping tears away with his thumbs. Ikkaku hadn’t even realized she was crying.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” he said, looking genuinely guilty. “I shouldn’t have overstepped like that. I should have at least waited until you were awake and asked—”

Though she was tired and weak and it took far more effort than she’d like, Ikkaku lifted her arm and flicked Law squarely in the forehead. He didn’t quite flinch back, but he did give her an annoyed grunt, but his brow did smooth out when he saw her bright smile.

“Thank you,” she said, cheeks streaked with tears but voice warm with love and affection and gratitude. It might take a while for her to fully accept that Ushi was no longer laying in wait at every Marine base, but for now, she could breath a little easier. The monster from her childhood had finally been vanquished.

Trafalgar Law might not have been a knight in shining armor, but he was something better. He was the big brother she’d always wished for.

Relieved that she wasn’t angry, Law gave her a tiny but sincere grin back. His engineer was alive, safe, and giving him that sunny smile that could light up a room. Well worth the blood on his hands, and quietly, he vowed to keep her, and the rest of his Hearts, safe from whatever hell might come their way.

They were a loyal bunch of fools, but they were his family. He’d set the world on fire before allowing anything to happen to them.

A hand adorned with the word DEATH retreated from Ikkaku’s cheek to ruffle her hair. “Don’t mention it.”

[tory-ben-hi-shelton]

my favourite quotes from seizure

That's what we call ourselves. Virals. It seems appropriate to have a group name after becoming a gang of genetic mutants. It's good for morale.

Observing Ben'a struggle, Hi scratched his chin. Glanced at me. Shrugged. Then he quietly slipped around Ben. And, without ceremony, kicked him in the ass. Hard.

Faster than thought, Ben grabbed Hi and wrapped him in a vicious bear hug. "Smart ass."

Hi sputtered, gasping for air. "Back off! I don't like you that way!"

Ben laughed.

Hi slogged back to the beach. "I let him win. He needs the self confidence."

"Right."

"Hey, I'm a giver."

"A saint."

It was good to see Ben laugh again.

"Not nice," I joked. "You'll sour Jewish-Sewee relations."

"It's true, I take it back," Hi said. "Our people have a rich history of mutual respect. Long live the alliance!"

"Score one for your honker."

"Thanks, I think." I cocked my chin at Hi's substantial midsection. "Nice abs."

"Yeah, I work out twice a month. No exceptions. But stop hitting on me, it's embarrassing."

Then, almost as one, the boys looked at their screens. Directly at me.

Huh? I was the youngest. The only girl. Why was I in change? No matter. I was in totally agreement.

"You can't be serious." Shelton groaned, eyes returning to his laptop. "I'd nearly hacked Ben and Jerry's website when you called. We could've been eating free Chunky Monkey right now."

"This is a rip-off dude. Twenty pages, and I still don't know what these people do. But here's a JPEG OF A DIAMOND RING. VERY HELPFUL."

"We need some kind of plan," Hi said. "We can't allow ourselves to be split up. I don't want to be a freak alone. Been there, done that. I like having friends."

"Stop whining, hippie." Ben crossed to Hi and mussed his hair. "We'll figure something out. But no spazzing inside the bunker. I won't allow it."

"I have a cotillion event. Some yacht-club charity fundraiser thingy. Whitney is insisting and Kit took her side." Three wide smiles. "Oh shut up."

But now Ben was here. For some reason. "Fine by me." A wry smile crossed Tom Blue's lips. "But you don't have to ride with my boy if he's bothering you, Tory."

Ben scowled, reddened, but kept quiet.

"No, that'd be great!" I said quickly. "Thanks, Ben. Thanks anyway, Tom!" Ben cast off with more haste than usual. I could hear his father chuckling as as began to pull away.

It occurred to me that Ben was an attractive guy. Even when brooding. Hell, especially when brooding.

Wolf: Haha. Come over now. Grab Shelton if you can.

Green Lantern: Boo. I thought you were hitting on me.

Wolf: Nope. Still intimidated by your good looks.

Green Lantern: Understandable.

"Why does everything girlie smell so delightful?"

"Because we acknowledge the importance of basic hygiene. And periodically clean our bathrooms."

"Brilliant. I should write that down. After all, it takes a village."

"She's famous, really famous, because..." He stopped dead. "Wait."

I met his gaze levely. No point in being discreet now.

"No." Shelton shook his head. "You can't be serious. That's your plan?"

"What plan?" Hi asked.

"You have a better idea?" I crossed my arms. Defiant. And a little self conscious.

"But that's not even a real plan. It's a joke. Why not just chase rainbows looking for lucky charms?"

"What plan?" Hi repeated.

"I'm not claiming it's a slam dunk." I said.

"It's not even a full court shot," Shelton said. "Blindfolded. Underhand. With a bowling ball."

"We have to try something."

"WHAT. PLAN." Hi. Exasperated.

Ben walked in and popped the back of Hi's head.

"WHY. ARE. YOU. YELLING."

"Wonderful." Hi slid to the floor. "First ignored, then attacked. I need new friends. And a lawyer."

"I meet very few people your age who know of her."

"We're very advanced," Hi said earnestly. "I can even zip my own pants. Most times, anyway."

I glanced over my shoulder. Ben, Shelton, and Hi stood behind me, shoulder to shoulder. Scowling. A solid wall of opposition.

Deep breath.

"Guys..."

"Absolutely not!"

"Crazy woman!"

"I just got out if trouble!"

Okay. Bad start.

"Who sold you that box, anyway?" I asked.

"Piss off."

"Hey!" Ben shouted. "Watch your mouth."

Ben stepped towards the counter. Hi grabbed his arm as Shelton placed a restraining hand on his shoulder.

"Thanks, but Ben is picking me up."

"Ben." Jason shook his head. "I guess you're taking community service to heart," he quipped.

"Out of bounds," I warned. "Ben's a good friend."

"He's a prince. Enchanting. Tell him I miss him."

"Fine." Not a care in the world.

Hi leaned close to his screen. "What'd do you mean, 'fine'?"

"Don't come with me," I said. "I'll go by myself."

The boys all spoke at once.

"Don't be a drama queen." Hi.

"You can't go alone." Ben.

"Somebody has to watch your back." Shelton.

I grabbed Hi's shoulder. "Go! Do your thing."

"You're pretty casual with my life, you know."

"Go!"

"Let's see those elbows," Ben demanded. "You left a bloody streak in the shaft."

I let him inspect my wounds, glad he'd forgotten to be mad at me.

"Hi." Shelton panted. "I love you, man."

"Back at you." Hi spat globs of filth. "I'm going to kiss Ben now, in case some of you don't want to watch."

"I'll pass." Ben ruffled Hi's hair.

My head broke the surface. I took a giant breath.

"Tory!" Ben's face was inches from mine. "You okay?"

"Fine," I said. "Dandy. I bonked my head."

Ben looked at me oddly.

Hi shuffled over, grasped my hand, and deposited a sloppy kiss. "I'm in your debt milady."

"Tory!" Eyes popping. "What in God's name are you doing here?"

"You said you needed rescuing. I haven't slain any dragons yet, but the day is young."

"Humouring you means getting in the water." Hi grumbled. "It better be worth it."

Shelton slapped Hi's shoulder. "Seeing you in a wet tee is reward enough."

"Thanks, guys." Flat on his back, rubbing a shoulder. "Don't worry about me."

"Suck it up," said Shelton. "You dropped our fearless leader."

"Just hear me out!"

"I don't wanna!" Shelton whined. "You'll start talking, and pretty soon we'll all start nodding, and then the next thing you know, I'm hang gliding off the Effiel Tower at midnight chased my ninja vampires. No deal!"

Ben smacked the back of Shelton's head.

Once I got them listening, their curiosity always won out. It's what I loved best about them.

"I already counted them," Ben said. "Lose any, you'll be less a few fingers."

"That's twice you've insulted my honour, Blue. Pistols or swords?"

"Correction. That was your last warning. Test me again, and you'll limp for a very long time."

I caught the other Virals in the corner of my eye. "What?"

Ben was staring, jaw open. "Good Lord, Tory."

"Nice shooting, Scarface." Hi handed me Duncan's weapon. "Remind me to never owe you money. Who taught you to fire a gun?"

"Long story." I wasn't answering 'drunk grandfather' true or not.

"Tory, a father isn't suppose to fear his fourteen year old daughter. That being said, you terrify me."

"We need to thank my great-great-great pirate grandma."

Kit's eyebrows shot up. "Your what?"

"Nothing. Just kidding."

Maybe.

Kits generosity had benefitted the Virals as well. Though a shockingly long list of museums, landmarks, and wildlife organizations had banned us for life, we'd avoided criminal charges.

[365days365movies]

March 5, 2021: The Tale of the Princess Kaguya (2013) (Part Two)

Am I going to watch Kaguya-sama again after this?

It is a funny show, so I’m probably gonna watch a compilation or something. Anyway, where was I? OH RIGHT! The Tale of Princess Kaguya, Recap Part Two! This movie is beautiful so far, and I’m enjoying this adaptation of the classic story reinterpreted. Told the girlfriend about this, and she mentioned one of her favorite games: Okami.

It’s based quite heavily on Japanese mythology, and also has a similar aesthetic to this movie. Rumors persist that they’ll be rebooting this, so fingers crossed! Anyway, let’s get back to the movie! First part of the Recap is right here!

Recap (2/3)

After the dream/return to the palace, Hime seems to accept her fate as Princess Kaguya, and is no longer the rebellious and rambunctious kid she was before. And yes, I’ll be referring to her as Kaguya from now on...until the time is right. She studies (and suffers) in silence, clearly unhappy and depressed.

Miyatsuki either doesn’t understand it, or is completely ignorant of her suffering. He brings her a pet bird to keep, which she somewhat brushes off. However, she lets the bird go, as if wishing she could fly away with it.

But time once again passes, and Kaguya grows more beautiful, and the rumors of this beauty spread. People gather outside to palace to get a glimpse of her, and Miyatsuki has made sure to never show her face publicly. Her servant, Me no Warawa (Hynden Walch) is accosted outside of the palace, with a pile of messages and letters for her. She also brings cherry blossoms to the essentially captive Kaguya, for which she is thankful.

Words of her beauty and bamboo-based origins are also spread by Akita to a group of five suitors, all of whom are completely entranced. These five suitors are a classic part of the story, and are also represented in the recent anime based upon it (Kaguya-sama: Love is War). 

The five suitors LITERALLY race there, spurred on by Akita’s...really horny speech,not gonna lie, dude says that this (13-year old) girl got his “juices flowing”, real fuckin’ quote there. Guuuh. Anyway, Miyatsuki and Sagami are overjoyed, as marrying any of these dudes is a guarantee for a happy and prosperous life. But Kaguya...is honestly surprised that she’s supposed to be happy. FUCK, MAN.

She’s SUPER not interested in these guys, but they are ridiculously interested in her. She meets them in honor of her father, but not on her own behalf. They present their proposals to her, and I’ll introduce them in order! First up, Prince Kuramochi (Beau Bridges), an older man of great wealth who basically compares her to a jeweled tree branch on the mountain of Hourai. Cool? In the anime, he’s translated into the best character in the series, game and ramen lover Fujiwara Chika.

Second is Prince Ishidzukuri no Miko (James Marsden), who’s already completely fucked because James Marsden is voicing him, and he basically only plays characters destined to be cucked. Check out my recap of The Notebook for more on that. He pledges to worship her, and compares her to the Stone Begging Bowl of Buddha. In the anime, he’s translated into uptight rules-follower Miko Iino.

Ishidzukuri’s comparison is mocked by number three, Abe no Miushi, Lord Minister of the Right (Oliver Platt), a corpulent man that compares her to...a robe of fire-rat fur. You’re comparing her...to rat hair clothes? Um...wow, dude, that’s legit insulting. No wonder you don’t have a counterpart in the anime yet.

Suitor number four, Grand Counselor Ootomo no Miyuki (Daniel Dae Kim) agrees with me that that’s a SHITTY comparison, and instead compares her to the Five-Colored Jewel around a Dragon’s Neck. His counterpart in the anime is the main love interest, Miyuki Shirogane. Yeah, sort of rigged in his favor in the show. It’s based on it, not a true adaptation.

And lastly is the sullen Middle Counselor Isonokami no Maro (John Cho), who compares her to a cowry shell from a swallow’s nest, which ensures safety in childbirth. And his counterpart is the equally sullen and video-game loving Yu Ishigami, another one of the best characters in the series.

OK, enough about the anime, yeah? Sorry, I just...I just really like it. Anyway, the suitors’ comparisons give Kaguya an idea. She plays the koto for the men, which entrances them (and me, it’s a gorgeous sound), and she thanks them for the sentiment. However, for her hand in marriage, they will need to bring her each of the treasures they compared her to. After all, they compared her to rare treasures, meaning that she is also not easy to obtain. By doing this, they show that they are worthy of that treasure. NICE.

The men leave, noting that it was quite impossible to get these treasures, and that Kaguya is a rare jewel that no one will capture. Objectifying, but OK. When they leave, everybody around the castle leaves as well. Which, to be fair, was exactly what Hime wanted.

Sagami is PIIIIIIIIIIISED, and quits. Miyatsuki’s not exactly chuffed either. But Hime’s finally free, and goes out of the palace with her mother and Warawa to see the city and the cherry blossom trees. Good for her. ‘Bout time she had some fun and joy in her life.

It’s cut off VERY fast, however, when she encounters a family of commoners, who only recognize her as nobility and nothing further. Realizing how separate she now is from them as they bow to her, she breaks a little. And they leave to go back to the city. While getting back there, though, who should she run into but Sutemaru, who’s just stolen a chicken. She calls to him, and he stops and recognize her...but they leave and he’s caught. And Hime cries.

Time passes. Three years, to be specific, as they actually tell us this time. Hime’s still close to her mother, as they still garden together in the back. However, relationships with her father are less great. He comes in and tells her that the first suitor, Kuramochi, has come back with the jeweled branch after all this time. Hime can’t believe it.

Kuramochi comes in with the jeweled branch, which dazzles brilliantly. Kaguya asks how he found it. He weaves a dramatic tale of happening upon the mountain and the branch. As this takes place, though, a local craftsman comes by to collect his fee for...making the branch. And now that he’s made, the cheap-ass Prince takes the fuck off.

Next up is Abe, the rat skin guy, with fire-rat robe in hand. Kaguya calls his bluff, though, and tells him to drop that shit in the fire. If it’s real, then it won’t burn, and the two will marry forthwith. And that shit BURNS. Which sucks, because dude thought it was real, and spent literally ALL of his money on it.

Afterwards, in a conversation between Hime and Waraka, it’s revealed that Miyuki’s actually going to get the Dragon Pearl, and we see that in a gorgeous sequence. It doesn’t go well.

Meanwhile, Ishidzukuri drops by, having brought something for Kaguya. It’s not the bowl promised to her, but is instead a sweet little flower. He admits that he went searching for the bowl, filled with love for Kaguya. Instead, he found a treasure of nature, the flower, and was meant to represent his devotion and the depth of his feelings for her.

And that’s actually very sweet. But he’s James Marsden, so he’s FUCKED. But she definitely seems entranced by his offer to take her some place natural and beautiful and far away. Impassioned and full of love, he lifts open the blinds and sees...his wife. GODDAMN IT JAMES MARSDEN. The cuckee becomes the cucker.

Which sucks, because she actually did fall for him there for a second. We next hear of the Counselor, sent to fetch the cowry shell. However, he tragically dies in the attempt. This knowledge shatters Hime, who rips up her private garden in absolute sorrow. Her mom, who’s genuinely the best mom, tells her not to blame herself.

Meanwhile, as all of this is happening, Princess Kaguya has the ear of the Emperor, the Mikado (Dean Cain). He wishes for Kaguya to become one of his brides, and will make her father a member of the court. Miyatsuki, ever tone-deaf to his daughter’s desires, is thrilled. But Hime refuses, to which her father says that refusal of the Emperor’s wishes is impossible. And Hime says that she will do it to make her father happy, and then she’ll kill herself immediately after the wedding.

Um...fuck. I...I think I’m giving this one a Part Three. See you there!

[dzamie-oc]

Smaugust 13 - Lunar

Ember has a dream. It doesn't go well, so Luna steps in to help out and give the Dragon Lord something to think about. (1494 words)

Dragon Lord Ember was not having a good time. Quite the opposite, really. She had been invited to some pony friendship meeting by the pony Princesses, which was... tolerable. After all, Spike was usually near the purple one, and the others seemed to understand how soft they were compared to her. The blue one, especially. If she ever got pressured to make another friend, but this time a pony one, Ember was pretty sure she would go for the blue one. Sometimes, the Dragon Lord even thought the blue one must be part dragon, though of course that was ridiculous. But, suffice to say, the pony friendship meeting was the least of her problems.

Once she got there, they had informed her that the proper and official dress code for a pony friendship meeting was a big, fluffy dress, full of frills and lace and other things that caught on her claws, spines, and scales. The dragoness couldn't quite remember when or how she had put it on, but the important thing was that it was on her and that sucked. Absolutely miserable. She looked her best just after a lava bath, completely naked in her scales. No dragon went around with dresses or anything, unless it was made of gems to snack on later. Still, this friendship meeting was very important, so she had to deal with it.

But the worst part of it all was when they only served a single carrot. A half dozen visits to and from Spike had taught her that meat was a pipe dream, because ponies not only didn't eat meat, but they thought that somedragon else eating meat was like eating them. At the time, Ember had wondered if they ever thought that about daisies, since some of them were named Daisy, probably. But either way, Ember learned: ponies do not serve meat. What was truly atrocious, however, was that there wasn't a single gem to be found. Spike lived there! They should have known that gems were delicious, at least to dragons!

With a snort of smoke, Ember took the carrot. If nothing else, she could at least gnaw it into a more interesting shape. As she raised it up to her snout, though, the vegetable tumbled from her grip. Ember furrowed her brow and went to grab it, only to see that, instead of her beautiful, scaly hands, she now sported a pair of blue, furry hooves! In shock and terror, she fell back from her chair, watching as the rest of the pony friendship meeting smiled and laughed. They were all laughing. The purple one laughed. The blue one laughed. The white one laughed. The other one laughed. The dragons there, they laughed too, at seeing their Dragon Lord as a weak, soft pony, consigned to eating grass and frolicking and... braiding manes or whatever. She tried to command them as their ruler, but all that came out was a neigh, or maybe a whinny. Spike towered over her, now an adult dragon. "Ah, Ember," he rumbled, in his normal voice, way too high for a dragon his size, "you thought I was a pony in a dragon's body, but it looks like you're just a soft pony, yourself! Ha ha ha!" He opened his jaws and leaned in to pick up his dinner...

Suddenly, a blue blast of magic crashed into his head, sending him tumbling off of Canterlot mountain. Ember turned her head to see her savior; a dozen tails off, the blue princess stood strong, a wisp of smoke at the tip of her horn. She took flight, soaring over to the dragon-turned-pony, and offered Ember a hoof up. Ember took it, righting herself.

"You aren't laughing at me?" she asked the Princess.

"As far as nightmares go, this isn't even the funniest tonight," the dark blue pony said with a smile, "besides, laughing at their horror just makes ponies feel bad. And dragons, I would assume. Though, Ember, I am surprised to find your dream here. Are you visiting Equestria?"

Ember nodded. "Yeah, didn't you see that whole debacle the pony friendship meeting turned into? Or what it turned me into?"

The pony turned to look at the table. Around it were a quartet of stick ponies, roughly colored in, with signs hanging from their necks reading "the white one," "the purple one," "the blue one," and "another pony." She picked up "the blue one" in her magic, and in a flash of light, it read "Luna" instead. She shook her head. "I suppose this is one more thing my sister is springing on me, then. Thousands of years, and she still thinks it's fun to drop big diplomatic things on my head."

Ember looked up, above Luna's head. Luna blinked. "Metaphorically. Though there was that time with the folder of Seaquestria treaties..."

The dragoness shook her head. "Okay, wait, wait. There's two of you here, and you don't smell like a changeling, so that means..." She racked her brain to continue, but couldn't come up with anything. Maybe ponies reproduced by budding? That would explain why the purple one is smaller.

"That means you're dreaming, Princess Ember," Luna said. "As the Prin-"

"Dragon Lord Ember," Dragon Lord Ember corrected.

"Very well. You are dreaming, Dragon Lord Ember. It is my solemn duty to help ponies deal with their nightmares." The alicorn winked at her. "And, apparently, dragons."

"Okay, so what does all..." Ember gestured to the stick ponies, the table, the dragons frozen in time, "this mean?" She did a double-take, staring at her properly scaly hand. "Oh, good. Not a pony."

"Yes, not a pony," Luna agreed with a smile. "As for what it means, nightmares love to scare creatures. Are you scared of being a pony?"

The dragoness folded her arms, glaring at the presumptious princess. "I'm not scared of anything," she said, "if you ponies want to turn me into one of your non-confrontational, soft, fuzzy... ponies, you'll have to go through me, first!" She bristled, wings tensed as though Luna was going to charge her... then slumped forward. "Okay, a little. But not literally. The hooves would totally suck, though. I just don't want to lose what makes me a dragon just because of being 'friends' with ponies," Ember said with air quotes.

"So don't do that," Luna said simply. At Ember's critical stare, she continued, "if somepony isn't willing to accept that you're a dragon, they're not really trying to be friends with you, they're trying to be friends with who you could be if you were like them. You will become a little different, of course, but you won't lose yourself."

The Dragon Lord looked back at the pony friendship meeting table, and the carrot laying on it. "So, I can still be friends with Spike and not have to eat carrots," she concluded, "or braid manes or say things like 'let's fly to the castle.'"

Luna shook her head. "I am the sole reason there are moon pies at princess summits," she said with a smile, "you can absolutely stay out of all that 'pony stuff' if you really want to. We'll let you know what we can tolerate, and you can do the same."

"Huh. That's actually pretty good." Ember swished her tail back and forth, then looked up at Luna again. "No meat, though, right? I can't get a good steak?"

Luna laughed, shaking her head again. "No, not in Equestria. Twilight and Cadance would object, I think." She lit her horn, and a craggy, stone door inset with sapphires appeared in the air before her, which then swung open. "Now, I must help other creatures in need. However... before I go, is there anything you want me to mention to the castle chefs for the meeting? Opals, or quartzes?"

"Rubies," the dragoness answered quickly. "Amethysts if you can get 'em. Oh! And, Princess, uh... L- what is it... Luna? Princess Luna?"

"Rubies and amethysts, got it. Yes, Ember?" the princess said, head sticking out of the door.

"Thanks. You would be good to talk to more."

Luna smiled. "You too, Dragon Lord Ember. Have fun in your dream!" And with that, the door closed and vanished.

Ember watched it go, then walked up to the table again. The blue stick pony had been replaced by a much more real-looking Luna. "And just what does that mean?"

The dream Luna's mouth didn't move as it responded, instead quickkly jumping between having an open and closed mouth. "Dreams can do anything!"

The dragoness pondered this for a moment. The next moment, a twenty-pound, rare steak landed on the table. And then tiny diamonds peppered it. The Bloodstone Scepter appeared in her hands, and then a second one. Ember took a bite of the steak, not bothering to try to pick it up. It was delicious, and regrew immediately.

The Dragon Lord had an awful lot of fun in her dream.