#I mean. I’ll probably finish it someday …. maybe

[therizinotfuckingthere]

…. i realize this has been sitting in my drafts for.. months!!! i meant to post this shortly after i posted the heretic painting i did oh fuck haha!!!

Link to the original post :]

[art]

Creator Spotlight: @mimimar

Hi! I’m Michelle (Mimimar), an illustrator born and raised in Venezuela, currently based in Italy. I enjoy making colorful illustrations that reflect the things I love: fairy tales, fantasy, tenderness and queer (especially sapphic) stories. Occasionally, I also make paper dolls, comics and animatics. I have a lot of interest in book illustration and I’m currently developing my own stories that I hope to share as an author-illustrator someday!

Check out our interview with Michelle below!

Did you originally have a background in art? If not, how did you start?

I always enjoyed drawing when I was a kid, but it only became a hobby that I did almost every day when I was around 11. At first I only used traditional mediums, but I decided to make a serious effort to learn how to draw digitally when I was 15, and once I got the hang of it I never stopped!

I didn’t go to art school so all of my learning was done through studying the tutorials and resources that other artists generously share on the internet and lots of practice / trial and error.

How do you want to evolve as a creator?

I want to do many things but what I want to do the most right now is work on books! I want to make art for other authors’ stories and also my own stories as an author-illustrator. I want to grow as a storyteller and create art and stories that will really resonate with people emotionally. I’m always striving to improve my skills as well.

I also really love dolls, so working on doll box art or as a doll designer is something I would love to do someday. I actually have been designing paper dolls on my Patreon for the past few months, it’s been a fun project that is still ongoing right now!

What is one habit you find yourself doing a lot as an artist?

Probably using a lot of purple! It’s my favorite color so I find myself using it a lot. If I can find a way to sneak a little bit of purple into an illustration or a character design then I will.

Congratulations on finishing your Ivy Comic! Did the outcome turn out like how you expected or were there some unexpected bumps along the way?

Thank you! It’s a project that I worked on very slowly in between other art because I wanted to really take my time with every spread and make each of them a fully detailed illustration. I thumbnailed the full comic before starting but I kept changing the sketch for the final spread until the very end! Overall I’m really proud of the end result. I sprinkled a lot of hidden details in every page that I hope some of the readers will notice. For example: the meanings of the flowers in each page represent what the characters are feeling in that moment, and the colors of their wardrobe become gradually lighter as the story progresses to represent their emotions, as well as the changing of seasons.

We’ve noticed that you have created some amazing cover art for TGCF. Is there another series you would like to do something similar with? 

That was another passion project that took some time to complete. Initially, I didn’t intend for them to be specifically covers, it was just a series of illustrations based on the 5 books/main arcs of TGCF. But since they were well-received and I had people telling me they wish they could use them as covers for their books, I decided to rework them into dust jackets for the english translation of TGCF!

I haven’t thought of any other specific series but I love doing cover art so maybe I’ll do something similar again in the future!

What’s your favorite part of your style? Why?

I’ve heard from other people that there’s a delicate quality to my art, this is something that I like a lot! I like pretty things, fairytales and vibrant colors. I think all of these things probably reflect in the art I make as well.

If there is one thing you want your audience to remember about your work, what would it be?

I hope that they remember how it made them feel. Feelings and colors are the two things I give priority to in my work. Most of the time I like depicting tenderness, softness and emotional intimacy. If that could reach the viewer and stay with them it would make me very happy. 

I make a lot of art with queer (mainly sapphic) themes because they’re the kind of stories I personally like and want to see more of, so whenever people tell me that my art has helped them in their journey to discover and accept themselves, or that they see themselves and their partner in my art, it is always extremely meaningful to me. When art that I made to give myself comfort can provide comfort for others, no matter how small, it reminds me once again that despite any hardships art is genuinely worth pursuing.

Who on Tumblr inspires you and why?

So many artists! To name a few:  I love @sakizo’s amazing eye for fashion and detail,  @paneeps’ gorgeous style and striking colors,  the sweetness of @bevsi’s art,  @vickisigh’s pretty colors and concepts,  @idledee’s warm and heartfelt art,  @littlestpersimmon’s dreamy wonderful art,  and @loish has been an inspiration for as long as I can remember.

Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing, Michelle! Be sure to check out their Tumblr blog over at @mimimar.

[heartsforseo]

Monster trio x fem! reader

Summary: Reader has period cramps and monster trio tries to comfort them. request=open requested: <yes> <no> wc: 895 ft: monster trio warning: talks about cramp

You woke up, groaning in pain and clutching your stomach. Five more days and it’ll be over, and in your opinion, the second days were always the worst.

And so, you had made up your mind and decided to hang around your bed until the day ends, maybe even get some sleep to ease up the pain.

Luffy was upset. He woke up early in the morning and caught a huge fish with Ussop and Chopper.

Obviously, he wanted to show it to you, but you never came out. The first time the door had opened he was already climbing up the stairs, but his face had met the door instead, and right behind it was Nami in her signature bra and pants.

The second time the door opened, he was standing right next to it. He let out a small snort and quickly tackled the person that came out. But, he was met with a hand smooshing his face away and the person stood up. Oh, it was Robin.

“Why hasn’t Y/n come out yet Robin? The fish is in the aquarium already!” Luffy whined.

“Maybe you should check up on her, Luffy. Make sure to not make a mess though, Nami will be mad.” The archeologist replied.

Luffy’s face contorted into a cheeky grin and left the area. He went inside the girl’s room and there he saw you; curled up like a cocoon, your hands clutching on your stomach and your head nestled on your legs.

“Y/n!” Luffy said cheerfully. “I have so many things to tell you! So basically I caught this HUGE fish and—Y/n?”

Luffy looked at you, your body slightly shaking and you bit the bottom of your lips.

“H-hey, should I call Chopper or something..?” Luffy muttered, shaking your body relentlessly.

You touched the poor man’s hand and he finally stopped. “Don’t worry Luffy, it’s nothing serious. It’ll go away eventually.”

“What do you mean by that? Aren’t you in pain?”

You chuckled, “Yes I am, but it is a different type of pain. I’ll explain it to you someday, but for now—I just want to stay with you.”

“So you ARE in pain. Why didn’t you tell me?” Luffy asked, completely ignoring the other words you had said.

You sighed and sat up, still clutching your stomach, “Fine, I’ll explain it to you.”

“Do you get it now?”

“Not really. But that’s unfair. I don’t want you suffering for a week every month! Hmm…I know now! I'll ask Sanji to get you your favorite food!"

With that said, Luffy left the room and came back, "Here, I got you your favorite food, Y/n! Though I ate the other four..." 

"Thank you, Luffy. How about you tell me what happened with the fish? You never finished did you?"

Luffy sat on your bed and flashed a big smile, ready to tell you what happened while you were away.

You had promised Zoro that you were going to train with him. You may be in pain, but you're a man of your word.

You went up to the crow's nest and saw the swordman meditating. Waiting for you, you presume.

"That's ten over two. Have you been slacking off?"

"Of course not!" you tried defending yourself, "I'm just not feeling it today…"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. You were holding your stomach after all." The swordman replied, not failing to notice your grip on your stomach.

Zoro walked away and sat down where you first saw him, "Attack me when you're feeling better. I'd want to fight you at your best."

Not one to accept snarky remarks, you picked up the sword beside you and stood up. You charged at the green-haired man, and your vision turned upside down.

"Stupid woman," the man muttered.

He puts his hands out and catches your falling figure, "I'm not gonna let you go until you tell me what's wrong."

"…Just some cramps," you finally let out.

Zoro sighed and let go of you, "You should've told me. No wonder why you weren't in shape."

"Hey!"

Zoro sat and pulled you to him, "You're probably cold, right? Well, I'll be with you, so don't whine no more."

That sleep was a breeze. First, you were being cuddled by Zoro in a quiet room, and second, you were being cuddled by Zoro in a quiet room. The only time you guys were woken up was by Sanji fuming outside the window.

"I don't wanna get up," you muttered to yourself.

If it weren't for the sound of knocking, you probably wouldn't get up.

You open the door and see Sanji with a tray of your favorite food and some heating pad.

"S-sanji, what are you doing here…?"

"Can I not see my lover anymore? Go get dressed up, and I'll clean your bed."

You let out a little smile and took a shower. You could hear a few shuffling outside here and there. After a few minutes, you stepped out of the bathroom and saw your side of the room neatly cleaned.

Sanji was waiting patiently, sitting at the bedside.

"Are you ok, my love? Can you walk?" He asked.

"Yes, of course, Sanji," you replied

"Do you want to stay in your room or leave? I'd like to stay by your side."

"I'd like to stay here…with you, Sanji. I'm happy that you are my lover."

"No, I'm glad that you said yes that day."

DAMN THAT GOT CHEESY T__T AND UH... I HOPE YALL ENJOYED IT. I RAN OUT OF IDEAS FOR SANJI ND ZORO SO IT GOT SHORTER. NO FAVORITISM HERE YALL. ALSO IF SOMEONE GETS THE REFERENCE I'D BE SET FOR LIFEEEE

[girlwitheconverse]

STRAWBERRIES

╰┈➤ KEEGAN P. RUSS

Pairing: Keegan x singlemom!reader

Genre: fluff

Story type: one shot

Word count: 2k

TW: unexpected pregnancy

masterlist

You take a sip of your iced coffee, well deserved you must say, as you look around the coffee shop finally relaxing after a stressing day.

Then you remember that it’s still 10 in the morning and that your work break ends in ten minutes.

The life of a single mother of a toddler of four isn’t easy by any means but you wouldn’t change it for the world, you love Ellie, your daughter, too much to even think of a life without her. You remember all the emotion you felt the day you discovered you were pregnant: shock, fear, and excitement; in this precise order. Ellie’s father probably stopped at shock, because the day after you told him you were pregnant you received a break-up message and he ghosted you.

He disappeared. Completely. Even moved out of his apartment.

Your parents? Like the religious people they are…They kicked you out of the house because you had a kid outside marriage! How outrageous of you.

“Sorry? Is this seat free?” a deep voice makes you come back with your mind on earth, you look at the man and damn is he handsome. Black hair, blue eyes, athletic…Definitely your type. Before answering you look around: the place is almost empty and there are plenty of free tables. Is he…Does he like me? Is the first explanation that comes to your mind but you can’t be sure of it: maybe he just doesn’t like to sit alone.

You nod with a polite smile “Yes.”

The mysterious handsome man sits in front of you and places his cappuccino on the table. The air between you two is awkward so you decide to say something.

Because standing up and leaving seems mean.

But before you can say anything he speaks, “My name is Keegan.”

You blink a few times, then smile “I’m Y/n”

He’s definitely trying to flirt with me.

“I’m not usually one to flirt like this so forgive me if I'm straightforward but that's just how I am.” He says, leaving you shocked. “But…I think you’re beautiful”

You notice his ears getting red and smile at the cuteness. “Thank you, Keegan.”

When was the last time a man flirted with you? You can’t even remember. Every time you go out you have Ellie glued to the hip and that makes most men run away. You’d be lying if you said you didn't like the attention.

“Would you…like to go on a date with me?” He asks as he looks into your eyes, he is indeed very straightforward.

“I…” You try to buy yourself time by taking the last sip of your coffee, should I say yes? He’s totally my type…But what if he drops me as soon as I tell him I have a daughter? Maybe I should just see how the date goes and then decide how to procede. Yes. Definitely that. “Why not?” you say with a smile.

He smiles too and Oh God, his smile is so pretty you feel like you’ve already fallen in love. He hands you his phone to put your number in it, you do so and then stand up.

“I need to go back to work, it was a pleasure meeting you, Keegan…I’ll wait for your text then.” You smile at him and walk outside the cafe, already calling your best friend.

“Girl, I need you to babysit Ellie someday…I don’t know when but I’m going on a date with this super handsome guy and-” before you can finish talking your best friend screams.

“Going out with a guy? An handsome one? You? Damn I’ll babysit Ellie anytime! You go get that D while me and your daughter have a tea party while we talk shit about Cinderella, never liked that bitch anyway.” You laugh and can’t help but feel grateful for having her as best friend.

A week later

“Do I look cute?” You ask as you show your best friend your outfit “it’s a picnic date, I wanted to stay on theme”

“You really went for the slutty sundress, uh” she says with a smirk, your eyes shoot wide and you look down at Ellie, hoping she didn't hear the swearword.

“Mommy pretty!” She says as she hugs your legs, you pick her up and kiss her round cheek, chuckling as you need to clean your lipstick off her cheek.

“Mommy loves you.” you say before placing her on the ground, “Mommy is going out with a friend okay? I’ll see you later.”

The doorbell rings and you hold back a scream of excitement before picking your purse and walking outside, making sure that Keegan couldn't see Ellie from the door.

“H-hi.” You stutter as you see his outfit, a white t-shirt and brown pants, he’s holding a picnic basket, nothing spectacular but he looks so handsome. His bicep is so big.

He smiles and you notice him looking at you from head to toe, “Hi…Let’s go, I know you can’t wait to see my secret spot.” He says with a chuckle and you two start walking side by side. You and him have been texting each other for the past week and you discovered that he’s in the military, it now makes sense why he has such perfect physique, you also told him about your job as a banker.

As you walk, you chat about anything and everything, from your favorite books to the most embarrassing moments of your childhood. Keegan is easy to talk to, and his warm laughter puts you at ease. You can't help but wonder what he would be like with Ellie, but you quickly shake off the thought, reminding yourself that it's too early to think about that.

The spots he brings you to is a beautiful park with green grass and flowers, “it’s beautiful!” You say as you look around while he puts a blanket over the grass.

“Next time I’m taking you to the beach.” He says as you both sit down on the blanket.

“I love the beach!” You say excited, it’s been so long since you felt like this…Like a woman and not only a mother. “And I love sushi too…” You say as he takes the food out of the basket.

“Yeah, you already told me that a few times by message.” He says with a chuckle, remembering how you spent more than twenty messages talking about sushi.

“It was my worst craving when I was-” You stop before you can say too much, you still haven't told him about Ellie “When I was sick a few months ago, but the doctor said I couldn't eat any.”

He shakes his head and hands you a pair of chopsticks, “Oh, I almost forgot” he says as he picks from the basket a bottle of white wine and two glasses.

“The wine too?” You say shocked but with a smile on your face.

“Of course.” Keegan puts some wine in a glass and hands it to you, “to this date.”

“Hoping that this will be the first of many.” You add before you take a sip of the wine.

You two spend an hour eating and chatting before you lay down on the blanket with a sigh and a smile “I’m so full!”

“Even for these?” Keegan asks as he takes out of the basket strawberries that have been dipped in chocolate.

“I’m never full for these” you say with a chuckle.

“Say ah…” He says as he picks a strawberry and places it near your mouth, you blush but let him feed you the strawberry.

The sweet taste of chocolate and strawberry floods your mouth, followed by the warmth of Keegan's gaze. You blush profusely, your heart pounding in your chest as he chuckles, his eyes sparkling with amusement.

You sit up and pick a strawberry, “say ah…” you say as you feed him the strawberry, he laughs but lets you feed him. “ops, you’ve got chocolate here” you say before kissing his lips. He’s frozen at first and you think you’ve gone too far, but then he places his hand on the back of your head and deepens the kiss.

The kiss is a heady, intoxicating rush that seems to consume every part of you, spiraling through you and leaving you breathless, your senses filled to the brim. The world narrows down to just the two of you, and for that moment, nothing else matters. As you reluctantly pull away, still caught in the lingering haze of the kiss, you can't help the bubbling laughter that escapes your lips. Keegan, ever so stoic, stands there looking utterly bemused, that stunned expression on his face worth a thousand words.

"That was... unexpected," he murmurs, his voice a low, husky whisper that sends a thrill running down your spine. There's a hint of a smile playing on his lips, a soft, almost shy admission that echoes your own feelings.

A month and a half later

You’re panicking as you text to Keegan, cancelling the date (one of the many you two had in the past month and half) last minute because your best friend just told you she has a fever and can’t babysit Ellie. Is also too late to call a a babysitter, so you don’t have any other choice if not to stay at home with Ellie…Ellie, whom you still haven't told anything to Keegan.

I’m getting deployed tomorrow after lunch, we won’t see each other for two month after that…You really can’t come?

I’m sorry but my stomach hurts so much, I just got my period :(

Then I’m coming at your place with some chocolate ice cream and chips

You really don’t have to

Too bad I'm already in my car.

You sigh you look at the text and sit on the couch, damn him and his perfect personality. Maybe it’s the universe telling you to stop hiding the truth from him, to stop ignoring the elephant in the room.

“Mommy look!” Ellie says as she shows you the drawing she just made: some yellow on top of the paper and then blue on the bottom, “It’s sea!” With that you realize that you were holding the drawing upside down.

“Oh my! It’s so pretty! This definitely goes on the fridge” you say as you stand up to put her drawing on the fridge, next to your favorite drawing she made: the one with the two of you.

“Yay! Mommy likes it!” She says as she jumps up and down happily, you pick her up and kiss her cheek.

“Listen, Ellie, mommy’s friend is coming here and you need to be a good girl okay?”

“Auntie?” she immediately thinks of your best friend.

“No, not Auntie, another friend.” As soon as you say those words the doorbell rings.

You place Ellie down and walk towards the door, when you see Keegan standing outside with his hands full of snacks your heart breaks because of all the lies you told him but now is the moment of the truth. Will he run away? Will he get mad? You couldn't really blame him if he did so, not after all the lies.

You smile, “Thank you, really but…I need to tell you something…”

“What’s wrong?” He asks worried, but before you can speak a little voice behind you speaks and a little head pokes out the door.

“Mommy friend came?” Ellie asks as she looks up at Keegan with her big eyes. The man looks at you confused and you give him an awkward smile.

“I think it’s better if you come in.” You say as you let him in, Keegan enters and places the snack on the coffe table in front of the couch in the living room.

You place your hands on Ellie’s shoulder and take a deep breath, “Keegan, this is Ellie…My daughter”

To say that he’s shocked is an understatement, he stutters for the first time since you have started dating him, “w-what?”

“I shouldn’t have hidden this from you and i’m so sorry for my stupid actions I was just…afraid I guess at the thought of losing you.” You admit and Ellie looks up at you with a confused expression, you don’t want her to think that you don’t love her.

“You thought I’d leave you because you have a daughter?” He says even more shocked than before.

“That’s what most men do when I tell them.”

“I am not the type to do something like that, I love you and the fact that you have a daughter? Just makes me love you more” your heart flutters as he drops the l-word and your cheek flush red.

“You love me?” you ask with wide eyes.

“Damn if I do!”

“I love you too…And I was so scared of losing you, I’m so sorry…” You say with a smile, he smiles back and then crunches down to Ellie’s height, smiling at her.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Keegan, mommy’s…friend” Keegan says with a smile as he holds out his hand towards Ellie.

“Hi I’m Ellie” Your daughter says as she puts her small hands in his, shaking it clumsily.

It was such a sweet moment and you were almost tearing up when, “Are you my daddy?” Ellie suddenly says. You choke on your own saliva and Keegan laughs, shaking his head.

“No…Not yet at least” Keegan says as he smiles up at you.

“Watch Mulan with me?” Ellie changes subject immediately, very much toddler like, and pulls Keegan towards the couch. You can’t help but laugh as you look at the two of them playing together, feeling like you just found the missing piece of your puzzle, which is now perfect.

Ugh, this probably sucks and I’m sorry but I recently got back to writing and I’m trying to stay consistent to it :(

If you liked the story don’t forget to like, reblog and maybe even leave a comment :)

And remember, my inbox is always open for requests! even anonymous ones (emoji anon too!)

[sugarpea12345]

Remember My Name (Short story inspired by Saintobio)

Hello! This is a little thing I wrote inspired by @saintobio's work. This is directly inspired by they're sincerely yours and sincerely not .

To read and understand this, you must be caught up with sincerely not 's latest chapter (Chapter 8). I would consider this an AU, as I don't know what will happen in the next story. @saintobio 's is heart wrenching, so I had to write my own mini happy ending. Once they update, this whole thing probably won't make much sense lol.

I have received permission from @saintobio to post this

Again, this is directly inspired by @saintobio's work: Sincerely Yours and Sincerely Not.

Word count: 11.8 k

trigger warning: mentions of suicide, mentions of self harm, mentions of cheating, curse words used, angst

_____________________________________________________________

It had been a year since the coparenting arrangement. 

Via emails and business calls, you would arrange weekly pick up times. It was strictly professional. The way you wanted it. Right?

Wrong

You knew that you were being selfish. Maybe you always were. Everyone was right. Sera, Eula, Getou, Satoru’s mom, and Satoru. You were a black hole. You pulled people into your problems and destroyed them. You spent so much of your life fighting to be half the woman your mom was. And you could never be. You knew this now

“Mama!”

Bending down, you opened your arms. Hugging him tightly, you thanked the chauffeur for picking him up from school.

“Hi baby! How’s my little star?”

“Good! School finished early?” It was a statement, but you knew he was asking. Why did you take him out of school early? You really didn’t know. This whole day had felt strange. The air felt heavier. Your fingers felt numb. Something was going to happen and you didn’t want to be alone for it.

“What? My star prefers to be with teachers than with me? You’re making mommy sad!” You playfully nuzzled your head against his cheek and dramatically pouted. 

“I’ll never let you go to school again! Ha HA HA” You laughed evilly as you stood up and spun him

“Nooo!” He screamed between laughing.

After a good second of smiles and laughter, you finally set him down.

“Baby, I took you out of school because I wanted to spend time with you. Mommy is being selfish, so I won’t do this again. School is very important, ok?”

“Hmm… but mommy isn’t selfish. She’s a good mommy!”

You almost burst out in tears. He was too young to see how awful you were. His innocence and love for you blinded him. He would someday see you for the monster you are.

Allowing silence to fill the room, you stared into his eyes. God, those eyes. Your whole world could be found in them. Ruffling his hair, you grabbed the nearby scarf and wrapped it around him. Like any kid he grumbled at the added layers.

“Let’s go get ice cream and have fun today. Ok, baby?”

“Ice Cream! I love ice cream! My friend always, they always like laugh at me but not like mean laughing. But they say it’s so weird to eat ice cream when its winter. They think it’s funny. I think it’s funny too! Is snow different from ice cream? Because there’s like all this ice cream on the floor because it’s all snow. I just grab some sometimes and it doesn’t taste the same!”

As he got older, he has gotten a lot more talkative. He spoke incoherently and in run on sentences, but you understood him, nonetheless. You listened attentively when he would spend 30 minutes telling you about a funny thing his friend said. You listened when he would explain his entire school day the entire dinner. You listened the whole time.

“Yes baby, ice cream is yummy! I’m glad you and your friends laugh a lot. And no baby, snow is not the same as ice cream. Snow is made from the water on the earther getting colder, becoming clouds, and falling down. Remember I was teaching you about the water cycle? Ice cream is made from milk!”

At the mention of the water cycle, Sachiro excitedly launched into another spiel. He talked about the cycle, reexplaining it to you. He talked about how his teacher says he’s smart and how he got a toy. He talked about how his friends always ask him for help. He talked all the way to the ice cream parlor. As soon as you two ordered your ice cream, you settled down. Listening to him talk about his dreams. You always set your phone on Do Not Disturb whenever you are with him. He loved attention. If for one second you were to look away, he would immediately deflate. He was a carbon copy of his father. Sometimes you contemplated getting rid of your phone for this reason.

You spent the rest of the day chasing him through the park: pretending to be a dragon he fought, teaching him how to do cartwheels, looking for bugs. You took as many pictures as you could. Filming his smile, his voice, his eyes. 

The day came to an end, and you carried him on your back to the apartment you were staying in. 

After showering him and singing him a song, you finally took your phone off of DND.

Immediately, you were bombarded with millions of messages from everyone. 20 missed calls from Gen. 11 from Ian. 6 from your dad. 120+ text messages in total. 1 from Gojo.

Was everything ok? Please don’t let something be bad. Please. Please everyone be safe.  You heart beat increased. You were immediately transported to when you received news of Satoru’s accident. When the world learned about you running out of your wedding. When Satoru’s affair came out to the world. When you first got the calls of your mother’s sickness...

No. I can’t be selfish right now. If something happened, I have to be strong. Swallowing your fears, you opened the message you thought was the most important right now

Satoru: I’m sorry

No no no. He can’t do this again. He can’t! No please God no… You were almost about to call him, when you received another message from Gen. She was incessantly messaging you. Accidentally clicking on it, you read her last message

Gen: Please answer. Are you ok?

Now you were confused. Why was she asking if you were ok? You weren’t the victim. Doing some simple sleuthing, you looked at all the previous messages. Your eyes widened. You heart stopped. Tears filled your eyes. Looking over at Sachi, you took in a shaky breath. You had to be strong. Or at least strong enough to leave the room before you broke down. You had to do this for him. Stop being selfish Y/N

Shakily you walked out of his room. Looking back to make sure he was asleep; you closed the door gently. Before falling to your knees and letting all the tears fall. They pooled in the floor. You made sure to be quiet, but you were inconsolable. You hugged yourself tightly. You were being selfish right now. You knew that. But you were alone, and it was dark. It was ok to be selfish right now. Your heart was racing as you consoled yourself.

After half an hour of crying on the floor. You took a deep breath in and stood up. You went to the bathroom and stared at yourself.

“You need to stop being such a selfish monster, Y/N. You can’t keep ruining people. You can’t always be the victim. You need to make amends for everything you’ve done.”

You started your nightly ritual. Tears would occasionally mix in with cleanser or the water, but you didn’t stop. You had to be normal. You had to be happy. You owed everyone that. Sometimes it felt like you were caged behind your smile. Your joy had become a prison: a way to pay off all the bad things you’ve done.

Settling in bed, you grabbed your phone and responded to almost everyone. Finally, you reached Satoru’s message. 

Y/N: No worries! Congratulations! I expect an invitation lol :)

Satoru proposed to Akemi.

(Flash back to a year ago)

After that New York trip, you hated everyone. You hated your dad for pushing you into this marriage. You hated Getou for helping Satoru cheat on you during your marriage, but not understand why you wouldn’t want a baby with Satoru. You hated Satoru’s mom for projecting her self-loathing onto you. You hated your mom for dying. 

Above all else, you hated Satoru for what he did to you. He blamed you for a marriage he agreed to. He gaslit you into staying, knowing your selfless nature would do anything for his forgiveness. Even if that meant being a wife to a man in love. You hated him for taking you to the Bora Bora trip. You hated him for choosing your only friend to date. You hated that you had to go through months of emotional neglect and abuse for him to be kind. Just for Akemi to get it immediately. You hated that he became a better person only after using you. You hated him. You HATED him.

A spiteful part of your heart almost laughed. You were right! All the reasons he loved you, he found in her. You saw all the pictures he had of her. You saw the way he would caress her fingers. You saw him waiting for her. He never loved you! You were just convenient. And that’s why he loved her! Because she was convenient. Had you never sent her to meet him, they wouldn’t have fallen in love. If anything, he would be dating the nurse! Gojo Satoru doesn’t love. He just clings on to what’s closest. 

You spent a month marinating in these thoughts. In the week where you didn’t have Sachiro, you wouldn’t leave the office. You had begun sleeping there. You lost weight. Your face was pale. You were a walking corpse. You got assistants to pick up and drop off Sachiro. You never spoke to Satoru. 

This was to be your life now. After spending three days in the basement of the office creating, cutting, and sowing, Nobara finally convinced you to leave.

“Seriously Y/N, this is the 4th time I’ve had to get you gauze instead of bandages. I know you’re hurt, and I know you’re trying to distract yourself. But this is getting dangerous. Not only for you but for the clothes! We can’t sell anything if it has your blood all over it!” She tried to joke at the end

 As you finished wrapping the gauze around your forearm, you pitifully looked at her. She was so young and innovative. Despite being an intern, you had already set aside a permanent spot in the company for her. Stop burdening her with your problems.

Blinking away your sorrowful expression, you laughed. “Guess I gotta wrap myself in gauze and bandages before getting to work right?”

“Or you could just take a break. Jeez, I never thought workaholic millionaires existed.”

Ruffling her head as you walked towards her. “Thank you for waiting for me. You really didn’t have to. I promise, I won’t take advantage of your kindness. Go ahead and go home, I’ll lock up.”

Stunned, she took a second to respond. Your eyes were different right now. They were vulnerable and sad, but they were so kind at the same time.

“It’s no problem! Really! Thank you Y/N. Let’s work hard together.” Bowing, she made her way out of the store. Maybe you were going to get better?

After cleaning up, you placed the small stuffed bear you were working on in your small bag. Locking the store behind you, you headed towards your apartment. You had made the choice to move out. You were so filled with anger all the time. It would kill you if you were to accidentally lash out against the people you treasured. It was a tough conversation, but you needed space. 

As you walked, you decided last minute to head into a craft store. You needed a simple heart locket. Then you could gift the toy to your son.

With only one mission and energy drinks fueling you, you almost didn’t notice them. It wasn’t until you heard your son’s gleeful laughter did you perk up. Peering through the aisles, you saw him. No, you saw them. They both held your son’s hands as they looked at the toys. Letting go only when he would rush over to the loudest or brightest thing. Finally, he settled on a small plush. It had no lights and didn’t make any noise. They encouraged him to get something more expensive. Something flashier. But he didn’t. He wanted the light pink bunny. 

“It makes me think of mama!”

You saw Satoru and Akemi falter. It seemed that even the mention of your name silenced them. Your heart was beating so loud, you were sure they could hear it too. Leaning down Satoru ruffled his head. 

“Aren’t you a sweet little munchkin! Oh, but look at this!” 

You heart almost stopped. You saw Satoru redirect Satchiro’s attention to a cooler, bigger toy. As any kid would, he dropped the stuffed bunny and ran towards the huge toy. Gojo and Akemi exchanged relieved expressions. After purchasing the toy, they headed out. 

Walking into the aisle, you picked the bunny up. Holding it, you inspected its simplicity. Looking at the face, you realized why the bunny reminded him of you. The bunny had little tear dops in its eyes. Rushing to the cashier, you bought the bunny and the heart locket. It appears that you rushed too fast, as by the time you exited the store, they were still there. 

Sachiro, the spoiled child he was, was throwing a tantrum at having to be put in the car seat. As if he could detect your presence, Satoru immediately looked up. He saw you holding the bunny toy. His eyes filled with guilt and embarrassment. He knew that you were going to be upset. Of course you were. You were always angry at something. Nonetheless, he called you over. You were still the mother of his child.

After seeing the domestic moment in the store, you wanted to go up to them and give them a piece of your mind. You wanted to yell at them at the very least. But no, you walked over to them. Refusing to look up. 

At the mention of your name Sachiro perked up. Although he was already strapped into the seat, he did his best to peek out of the car door.

“Hi Y/N”. the tension was palpable. Choosing to ignore him, you approached Sachiro.

“Hi my little star! How are you? Did you have fun today?”

“Hi mommy! I missed you! Wanna go home! We did a lot of stuff-hmm mommy what are you holding?”

Remembering you were holding the bunny, you quickly hid it behind you back. “Just work stuff baby. I’m happy to hear you had fun! Mommy has to go, but I’ll see you this Sunday, ok baby?”

Giving him a big kiss, you did your best to hug him and said goodbye. 

Without looking up, you thanked Gojo and Akemi and began walking away. As soon as you got home, you set the plush down and pulled out your own. They both looked so ugly in your bandaged hands. Gently setting down the plush bunny, you tightly held onto the bear’s neck. Slowly, the pressure increased, and you were chocking the bear as tears streamed down your face. It was so ugly. This ugly bear in your ugly hands in your ugly home. Everything was so ugly. 

A beep from your phone broke you from this trance. It was from Satoru. 

Satoru: Hey

Satoru: Just wanted to let you know that we meant no harm in not getting him the bunny.

Then why? Why not get him that stupid toy! Sachiro is my kid! I am his mom! If he wanted that toy, then you should have gotten it! You almost wrote everything you thought. But no- no you were wrong. Sachiro wasn’t yours. Satoru had every right to get his son whatever he wanted. You kept Sachiro away from him for three years. You were the bad guy. 

Trembling you came to the realization. Rushing to the bathroom, you stripped yourself of all the clothes and the bandages. You looked at yourself in the mirror. You almost barfed. You were a monster. You were disgusting. Disfigured. Non-human.

Is this how Satoru felt?

The worst part of you were your eyes. They were so dead. Did you always look like this? How could anyone even stand to look at you? You were vile.

You had change. You spiraled into an abyss of anger and resentment. You lost yourself. Where was the sweet girl you once were. Growing a backbone didn’t mean you had to change. After a quick shower filled with tears, you got dressed and headed into the spare room. You spent the rest of the night making a light blue bunny. Unlike the store bought one, this one was smiling. It was happy. Sowing the heart locket onto the chest, you put in a small image of you and Sachiro. 

You had to be better. You had to be kind.

Grabbing the phone, you replied.

Y/N: Thank you for reaching out, but really, I didn’t mind! 

Y/N: Good night!

The next day, you didn’t go to work. Instead, you were at a café, waiting for someone to show up. You felt awful, but you knew this was the best thing to do. You had to be kind. Even if that meant being a villain. If being evil is the price you pay, then you will gladly pay it. Even more people would hate you. Everyone would. But you knew what you were doing was good. You had to be good. 

As soon as he walked in, you knew that he knew. His furrowed brow and tight jaw made it obvious that he was upset. And he had every right to be. Any anger and hate he harbored for you, you would accept.

“Toji, here’s your coffee. I’m so incredibly sorry for calling you at the last minute. I appreciate the time you took out of your day to meet with me”

He didn’t even sit down. He didn’t take the coffee.

Its now or never. Getting on your knees, you placed your hands on the floor and bowed. Your forehead was almost touching the floor. 

“Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for being a shoulder to lean on. Thank you for letting me join your family. Thank you for everything Toji. And I am so sorry for not giving you an ounce of it back. I am a selfish monster. I took everything you gave me and more. I was never a good fiancé. I wasn’t even a good friend. I took advantage of your loneliness. I will never forget the time we had together. But I ask you to forget about me. You deserve a more honest person. A person who can give you everything you deserve and more.”

People were looking and many taking pictures. Noticing this, he grabbed you by your arm, and headed out of the café. His grip was strong; it was sure to leave a bruise in your forearm, he nearly threw you into the passenger side of the car, slamming the door. He walked over to his side and began driving. The car was silent. You took refuge in it. You knew what he was going to ask. And you had to lie. You had to make him hate you. 

Soon enough, he parked in a desolate park. He refused to look at you. You didn’t want to look at him either, but you did. You had to. 

After minutes of harrowing silence, he finally spoke in a low voice

“Did you sleep with him?”

You knew he was going to ask this. A tear slid down your cheek. Your hands had begun to bleed as you kept them in closed fists.

“Yes”

He still didn’t look at you.

“Bullshit. You forget that I can see through your lies. I know why you’re doing this. You love him. You never stopped. Even after all the shit he put you through you still want him. Why now? Three years and I wasn’t enough for you. I defend you; I support you... all for what? For you to run back to your abuser. Every time I think your mine, you disrespect me. You humiliate me. You’re doing to me what that fucker did to you.”

“…Yes. I am. That’s why you have to leave me Toji. I can’t stand my reflection. I am so selfish-”

“Shut up. Don’t play the ‘pity me’ card. God, you really are something. The forever victim.”

You stayed quiet. In a perfect world, you would defend yourself. You would tell him that you aren’t trying to be the victim. You never were! You see that now. 

“You’re right.”

“All those fucking articles were right about you. I spent so much time, so much energy telling you they were lies. Turns out strangers know you better than I do. You are a two-timing bitch. You are selfish. You’re insatiable. Why couldn’t I have been enough for you. How the hell was I competing with the man who never loved you? And losing! You deserve nothing, you know that… You never left that room, did you?”

“W-what room?”

“That hospital room. Sure, you’re older now. You’ve been to a million places. But mentally? Mentally, you’re still in that hospital room. There is no cure for your loneliness. Face it Y/N, the problem has and always will be you. If you want to die next to your mom, be my guest. But you need to leave that room Y/N. If not for you, for your kid.”

He stayed quiet. It was your turn to speak. He didn’t want to hear you, but his patient nature told him to give you a chance. Not to defend yourself. But rather explain yourself.

“You’re right Toji. I think that’s why I always look for you. You always have the wisest things to say. And I know that. I’ve let the world pass me by. I have a void in my heart and its rotted me from the inside out. I’ll spend my entire life working for your forgiveness. And my lifetime might not be enough for that. You are everything to me. And that’s why I can’t let myself continue to poison you. I’ve changed you for the worst.”

You two sat in silence. You could hear his uneven breath. Reaching out you put hand on his shoulder. For the first time he turned to look at you. And there he saw it. Your eyes. 

Red and puffy with tears, your face for once didn’t look as haunted as usual. There was always this air of anger around you. Your shoulders were always tense. Eyebrows always furrowed. Not now. You looked younger. Instead of the anger that had clouded your eyes, he could finally see his reflection.

You didn’t look happy per se, but you looked aware. He looked at the hand on his shoulder. Even after everything he said, you were comforting him? This was the old you. The selfless to a fault Y/N. He couldn’t tell if this was a good or bad thing. 

He then noticed the mark on your forearm, already purple. In the shape of his hands. Reaching out he gently caressed the bruises, guilt settling in the pit of his stomach. You grabbed his hand and brought it to your lips. 

“Don’t worry about it. I love you Toji. Please, forget me.”

When the news broke out that you had ended your relationship, Ian did his best to remove a lot of the posts. It was hard since there were so many shots of you on the floor begging for forgiveness. If you didn’t look guilty then, now you did. Why else would you be apologizing? But you didn’t mind. Instead, you focused on removing any article that spoke badly on Toji. Especially after some pictures of you and that hand-print bruise were published. 

Fortunately, your brand had already been established. And while the coverage halted some planned promotions and runways, by the end of the month everything was normal again.

You changed your phone to a flip phone. You did your best to text Satoru about pick up times. Most often he wouldn’t respond. Instead, you would have to call Miwa. On the rare occasion that he did, you would spend the rest of the day crying. You cried so much. You couldn’t help but remember that way they both held Sachiro’s hands. The domestic life you would never provide for him. 

Often you would contemplate if you should have accepted him. Did you really love him? Or was it just easier to love him? You couldn’t trust yourself. Your mind was in ruins. You had no one. Since your change in attitude, people have become nicer to you. But you weren’t happy. And you stopped letting people get close. You even began to push away Gen and Ian. Monthly, you would meet with your dad and that was it.

Was life good? No, but it was better. You would be content if life stayed like this. But now, a year after your failed marriage, Satoru was going to prepare his own.

(Present time)

The day after receiving that message, it was published everywhere. It was the only thing articles were talking about. With the mentions of Satoru’s new marriage, you were put into the spotlight again.

The paparazzi swarmed you. Leaving your house had become difficult. They harassed you. Pushing you while demanding you answer questions. You smiled. You thanked them for their time. You would bid them farewell. It was too dangerous that you could no longer pick your son up. Not that you minded. You didn’t want to see how happy they were. Not until you were done healing at least.

You spent the weekend doing everything Sachiro wanted. Breakfast in bed? Of course. Quick trip to the local festival? Duh. Building a fort? Obviously. 

By the time Sunday night came he was so tired. All he asked was that you sing to him before his dad picked him up. Now you sat with Sachiro’s head on your lap. Normally, a bodyguard would meet you at your door and take your son downstairs as to not garner attention. 

As soon as the knock came, you gently laid his head on couch. Slowly you opened the door, expecting to see the normal guard.

“Thank- oh. Good evening, Satoru. Are you here to pick up Sachiro?”

He looked past you and saw Sachiro sleeping. Letting himself in, he sat on the couch and petted Sachi’s head. After moments of silence, he finally spoke up. 

“Yes, but I also came because I need to talk to you.”

Solemnly, you nodded. “I actually have something to say as well. I was planning to email it later, but if you’re here then we should discuss. Would you like anything?”

Satoru couldn’t help but stare at you. Just a year ago, he had buried the old you. It was his fault he knew that. If you were mean and angry, it was because he made you that way. The damage was irreparable. But here he saw her again. Or at least a glimpse of her. 

Even though he didn’t respond, you still handed him a water bottle.

“Did you want to go first?” 

“Um, yes. I just... I just wanted to apologize for not letting you know. I was planning on calling you, but I got distracted. I’m sorry you had to learn that way.”

“Silly. We all flub up sometimes. I would have appreciated knowing so that I could explain it to Sachiro. Thank you for apologizing.”

Even though you were smiling, he could tell you were sad. Your eyes were distant. It was like you had detached yourself from everyone. Somehow, he already missed that angry Y/N. At least he knew what you were thinking. Now, it felt like when you two had gotten married. How you smiled every time he yelled at you. He expected you would say the “I don’t care what you do with your life” speech and spitefully kick him out. He could sleep well knowing you hated him. But seeing your smile, it felt like he was cheating again. No. No, you asked for him to forget you. This is good. You’re getting better. But is returning to your selfless self better? That’s when you suffered the most. That’s what changed you. 

You didn’t give him much time to think as you started to speak. 

“Satoru, can I ask you for a favor?”

He knew what you were going to say. This nice act can’t last forever. This was the angry Y/N he knew. 

“Can you take care of Sachiro for a couple of months? I know it’s a lot, but I have some... business to take care of. I would take him with me, but I don’t want to separate you from him anymore than I already have.”

Oh? 

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll take care of him. I can’t believe you had to ask. He’s my son, of course I will take care of him.”

His tone had changed. He had gotten angry at the mention of the three years. You didn’t react. You just thanked him.

Gojo enjoyed his week with Sachiro and Akemi. It felt like they had a family. This is what he wanted. Sure, you were Sachiro’s real mom, but Akemi was also kind of like a mom. He noticed how well the two got along. He sought comfort in her and laughed with her. Yes. This is good. 

Yet, he couldn’t help but think about you. 

Every time Sachiro offered the first bite of his food to him. Every time Sachiro defended the annoying people at the mall. Every time Sachiro smiled, Satoru saw you. Yes, Sachiro looked exactly like him, but everything about him was you. It was all you.

His heart almost broke when he saw Sachiro singing to his stuffed animals. 

“Hey munchkin. BedTIME!” He joyfully grabbed Sachiro and swung him around the room. Instead of laughing, Sachiro began to pout. 

“No playing at bedtime dada. No”

“Oh, my bad Sachi.” He was a replica of you. 

Satoru sat on the bed as Sachiro headed to the bathroom, pulled out his step stool and began cleaning his face. After finishing his regiment, he waddled back into the room and settled himself into bed. 

“Is dada going to read me a story?”

“Can I sing to you instead munchkin?”

“Hmmm… no thank you dada.”

“Aww you’re a meanie! Um, but actually I need to talk to you about something serious.”

“Mhmm”

“You like Akemi, right? Dada likes her a lot. But it’s very important that you like her.”

“Yesh! Akemi is nice!”

He knew that this was wrong, but he had to ask. “Do you ever think Akemi could be like momma?”

Immediately tears sprouted from the boy’s eyes. He started frantically grabbing and throwing some of his toys. 

“NO! Mommy is Mommy! No one else is mommy! I hate Akemi! I hate her! I want mommy! Mommy!!”

Sachiro was screeching. Gojo was thankful that Akemi was in another room. She really did love Sachiro, and it would have broken her heart to hear him say that.

He held Sachiro close, trying to console him. “Shhh, baby. Daddy didn’t mean that ok? No one will replace mommy. Mommy is all yours.” Sachiro cried until his tears tired him out. No, I can’t tell him. Not today. Maybe Y/N should tell him instead. Sorry Y/N. I’m using your selflessness again. 

Soon enough the week ended, and he passed him back to you. Instead of showing up in person, as he did last time, he sent the bodyguards to take him. He was being cowardly, he knew. But he couldn’t risk Sachiro hating him. It’s your fault their relationship is so weak. It should only be right that it’s your job to explain everything to Sachiro. Right?

Satoru: Hey, I tried to tell him about me and Akemi. He didn’t respond very well. Could you explain it to him?

You almost rolled your eyes at the message. You were being punished. You knew that. But you responded with a simple ‘Ok’ anyway. 

Switch offs happened at night to make sure that each parent spent the majority of the day with Sachiro. You and Sachiro headed to the bathroom and completed your nightly routine all while dancing and occasionally teasing each other. This is what you lived for. Yes, you were lonely all the time. But you weren’t lonely with him. He was your reason to exist. It was going to hurt you being away from him for so long. But this would be good for everyone. This would be your last act of selflessness. This would atone for every bad thing you did.  

By the time you cleaned up all the splashed water, Sachiro was already in bed ready for his song. Instead, you sat on the floor. 

“Hey star boy, I need to talk to you. It’s going to be serious, ok?”

As soon as you finished the sentence, he burst into tears. Hugging you close he shook his head in a no motion.

“NO! I hate her! I hate her! She’s not mommy! Mommy is mommy! Mommy is my star and I’m her star! Not Akemi!”

Confused you held him tight. You cooed and brushed his snow-white hair back. “No Akemi won’t replace me baby.”

He pulled away to look up at you. “Daddy asked me! He asked me if Akemi could be mommy! I said no!”

You sighed dejectedly. This is why it didn’t go well. Your son was naturally altruistic. He would have understood and accepted had Gojo explained everything normally. But it seems that Gojo had made a selfish request. Why is it always my job to clear up Satoru’s name? Why can he be selfish and be the victim, but I can’t? No! No, I can’t think that! I’ve been selfish my whole life! Satoru is a victim. This will all be solved soon…

“My star, he didn’t mean it that way. Listen to me Sachiro. Me and you are a family, right? Me and you were also part of Toji’s family. Sometimes, when you love someone, you can add them to your family. Mommy messed up with Toji, and I’m no longer part of their family. But Satoru has someone he loves. Is it ok for her to join our family?”

You had dumped a lot of information on him. It took a second to process everything. 

“So, we aren’t family with Toji?”

“I’m not baby. But you will always be, ok. That’s how love works. They love you a lot.”

“Are you and daddy family?”

“Yes, we are. You make us a family.”

“But does mommy love daddy?”

You were stumped. This is probably why Satoru didn’t want this conversation. So, you answered honestly.

“Yes, mommy loves daddy.”

“Then why does daddy love Akemi?”

“Love is strange, baby. Sometimes you love people more. And he loves Akemi more. Is that ok?”

He took a second to think

“I guess…”

“Thank you for being so selfless Sachiro.” You stopped to think. “But if you’re ever not okay, then you have to tell someone, ok? Its ok to be selfish too.” You were just projecting, but you knew it was important for him to hear that too.

“Ok?”

“Speaking of being selfish… Mommy is going away for a couple of months.” As expected, he started bawling. He started kicking and throwing. He was loud. He was angry. He was betrayed

“NO! NO! Mommy can’t go! Mommy can’t leave me! She can’t! I’ll be a good boy I promise! I’ll eat every veggie! I won’t cry anymore! Mommy can’t leave!! It’s Akemi’s fault! Her fault! That’s why mommy cries so much! Its daddy too! Mommy never cried!”

You started crying too. All those times you thought you hid your tears he saw. He saw everything. This was the worst-case scenario. You had to leave. You couldn’t let him see you like that anymore. You had to leave that hospital room. Toji was right.

You held onto him. Even when he began to hit you. Even when he rubbed his snot over you. You waited until he calmed down, Silent tears were streaming down his face.

“Can we go back to New York mommy? I hate it here. Daddy is mean to mommy. Mommy cries all the time. Mommy is lonely and sad while Daddy is happy. It’s not ok.”

You wiped his tears away. 

“Sachiro, don’t say that. Mommy is paying the price for being bad. Daddy deserves to be happy. He loves you so so much. Please forget everything bad, Sachiro. Daddy wasn’t mean to me. If he was, I wouldn’t let you stay with him, right? Mommy isn’t lonely. She has you. Mommy will never be sad as long as Sachiro is here. You’re like my superhero! Mommy is struggling and she needs to fix some stuff so she can be a better mommy for you ok, baby? None of this is your fault. I have to go, but I promise you, this will be better for you and for me. I promise with my whole heart. The second I get everything sorted out, I’ll pick you up. This hurts me too, baby. But I need to be a better mommy for you. None of this if your fault. Don’t you ever think that. Hey, to help my little star, I have present for you.”

You stood up and presented him with a white, sleek box. It had beautiful light blue ribbon on it. He held it but refused to open it. 

“I even got myself a present so we could match!”

You pulled out your own white box. Seeing that you both had a present, he was more willing to open his. It was a phone. You had a matching one. You really didn’t want another phone, as you were content with the flip phone you already had. It made ignoring all the evil things people said about you a lot easier to manage. 

“When mommy’s gone, we can call each other all the time. I’ll respond to every text. I’ll answer every phone call. I promise. I won’t be gone for long. But I’ll text you so much you’ll wish I was.”

This garnered a small giggle from him. 

“Don’t worry baby, we have the rest of the week. We’ll do everything you want.”

He nodded glumly. He wasn’t too happy, but he felt a lot better knowing he could reach out to you. 

You slept with him. Holding him close, you did your best to treasure these moments.

When Sunday night finally came, you asked Satoru to pick him up personally. This was a big change, even if it was temporary. You wanted Sachiro to be as relaxed as possible. You and him sat on the couch. You had packed a bunch of his valuables and even some pictures so that he wouldn’t feel so lonely.  He was again on your lap, fighting to stay awake as you ran your fingers through his hair.

The serene moment was disrupted by the loud knocks coming from the door. Expecting to see Satoru you opened the door, only to see Akemi there. You did your best to keep your smile. It wasn’t that you hated her. No, she was your friend at one point to. But an evil part of you knew you could never forgive her. Not for dating Satoru, but for choosing him over your friendship. You told her everything, but because she never experienced it, she could ignore it. That is selfish.  As if you can critique others for being selfish. 

You welcome both of them. Sachiro already stood up, holding the blanket closely. He refused to look at his dad or Akemi. His eyes were already brimming with tears.

Bending down to his level, you caress his face. “It’s ok to cry, my star. But before you do, I have a gift for you.”

Reaching behind the couch, you presented him the light blue bunny you had made. His eyes widened and he squealed in joy Running to hug it he struggled opening the locket. One he did, he looked at you with the biggest smile on his face. He ran and hugged your knees. 

“Whenever you miss mommy, give that bunny a big hug, and I’ll feel it. Have fun with Daddy. You must be a good boy. Call me whenever you want, but I promise to call you every day. Mommy just needs to get some work done and then everything will be back to normal ok?”

After a couple minutes of holding each other, he finally walked over to where Satoru was. He raised his hands asking to be picked up. 

“Thank you, Satoru. Thank you, Akemi. I trust you two will take wonderful care of him.” You bowed at a 90-degree angle. 

“If you don’t mind me asking, why are you leaving?” You hadn’t spoken to Akemi in a while. For a couple months, she stayed employed with you. Yet, after your official break up with Toji, she immediately resigned. You always wondered if she thought you did it because of Satoru. 

Smiling gently you respond, “I’m sorry, I can’t say. It’s nothing crazy, I promise! I just need some time.”

“It’s not because of…”

“Goodness no! I know I haven’t been the most supportive. I’ve been downright awful. I hope both of you forgive me for how I acted. It was selfish and attention seeking. I don’t expect any special invitation, but please know that I support this relationship. I’m glad you two found each other. Truly”

Satoru almost flinched at the words you used. The guilt of you actually believing all the nasty things he said to you weighed heavy on him. He almost regretted bringing Akemi here. If she wasn’t, he would have consoled you. Even if it only would have been a hand on your shoulder. 

The worst part about hearing you subscribe to all his insults was seeing the honesty behind it. You did think you were a terrible person.

Before either of them could say anything, you started ushering them out. 

“You guys must head out now! Sachiro still needs his night routine. He has school tomorrow, and he’s already stayed up so late. If you guys feel like he’s too tired, I don’t mind if he doesn’t go. It’s your call. Thank you both for everything!”

You nearly pushed them out of the apartment. As soon as that door closed, you broke down. This was going to be one of the hardest things you’ve done. But you had to do it. 

Nearly two months have passed. Satoru relished every second he had with his son. He has never felt more like a family than he did now. Everything was perfect. 

If it weren’t for the bunny he carried everywhere. Or the fact that Sachiro couldn’t do anything without having to send his mom a text. Sending a sleepy blurry selfie was more important than getting dressed. He would facetime you every night before going to sleep. There were times where he even ignored Satoru in lieu of sending you a selfie with a filter on top of it.

Satoru heard and saw more of you now, than he did in the last year. 

Even Akemi was getting a little frustrated. 

Yet, Satoru wasn’t just frustrated. He felt guilty. Your presence at the house had become so abundant, that he would often stay in Sachiro’s room just to hear you sing. He did his best to mind his business, but in the cases where he saw the silly selfie you would send back. It would plague his mind for the rest of the day. 

From the few glimpses he got, he could tell that something was changing. You weren’t in the office, or in any modern building it seemed. You were a lot livelier. You were happier?

How could a mom be happier away from her child? He would nearly scoff out loud at the thought. Maybe this was your way of giving him full custody? No there was no way. 

The next day, after sending Sachiro to school, he headed to the office. It was a usual day. He was glad he was able to save the company. He really was going to lose all this over you? No. He loved you. And you didn’t love him. But Akemi did. And his workers needed him.

As he continued working, suddenly Miwa and Nanami both presented themselves. Miwa was always easy to read. She was skittish and nervous. Nanami, on the other hand, was harder to read, but he could tell he was a little unsure as well.  “Nanami! Miwa! What bring you in here? I reviewed my schedule already. Is there something I missed?”

Miwa cracked first. “Um... Mr. Gojo, have you been in contact with Ms. Y/N recently?”

“She calls Sachiro nearly every day. Did something happen?”

“Well, have you been in contact in the last hour?”

“Miwa may you please get to the point?”

Nervously, she looked up at Nanami. Sighing and pushing his glasses up, he handed Satoru the iPad. “None of this means anything. And if something did happen, it is not your responsibility. It’s just rather strange.”

Gojo looked over the screen. In big bold letters there it was:

Y/N STEPS DOWN FROM HEARTS COMPANY. 

Y/N SELLS OVER A MILLION IN STOCKS

HEARTES INTRODUCES NEW CEO AND CREATIVE DESIGNER

Y/N RESIGNS FROM COMPANY

Y/N’S APARTMENT UP FOR SALE?!

Gojo looked at the headlines frantically. He knew what all this was implying. Yet, he needed verification. He couldn’t fathom the thought that you would have… No there’s no way. You have Sachiro. You wouldn’t do this.

“Um... what exactly does this have to do with me Nanami?”

“It means nothing. It seems that Y/N has done some irrational choices that garnered some attention from the media. That’s all this is. Unfortunately, you know how convoluted your history is with her. Some people might assume that since she’s acting out in such an illogical and hysterical manner, that she may be going through a manic episode. A manic episode that may precede…” Nanami couldn’t finish the sentence. 

His heart was beating. No, there’s no way you could be gone. No. No. You made a promise! You promised to return for Sachiro. Right Sachiro. That’s why Gojo is feeling so bothered and anxious. He’s worried for the mother of his child, that’s all. 

“I think… I think I’ll head home. If she has been in contact with anyone, it would be my son. Thank you for letting me know.”

As he made his way to the car, he couldn’t help but speed. He needed to make sure you were ok... for the sake of Sachiro.

On the way, he received a phone call from Akemi. Normally, he would have pulled over and answered her. But not today. He drove, breaking most speed laws all the way home. He barely turned his car off as he rushed the door. Yet, as he got to the door, he found a box. It was for Sachiro Gojo. Without hesitation, he looked at the sender’s address in the corner and typed it in. It was a two-hour drive, but he didn’t care. This box didn’t prove anything. You must have sent it days ago. If you had planned to do this all at once that meant only one thing. You were planning to commit. There was no other option. With only this one mission fueling him, he unknowingly kept ignoring Akemi’s calls

After an hour and a half of driving, Gojo started to notice his surroundings. This was an older city. There were multiple shrines and elders. There were very few cars. A lot of cats.  This was weird. He continued following the GPS. He passed the city and made his way up the mountainous region. By 5 pm. He had reached an isolated house on top of the hills. The land was relatively flat once he got up there. There was an impressive house. It looked new. The house wasn’t a mansion, but it was still large. The lights in what he assumed the kitchen were on. Hesitantly, he knocked.

Soon enough someone opened the door. No, not someone, you did

There stood you. You looked younger, happier, kinder. Unlike last time, your happiness didn’t feel like a mask. It felt genuine. He couldn’t marinate in his confusion as you grabbed his hand and pulled him in. 

“Hi Gojo! I’m shocked to see you here! Come in! Let me get you a lemonade. It must have been a long drive.”

You sat him down on your couch. He couldn’t help but think about that mansion. The one where you were supposed to start and raise a family. This one was a lot cozier, with the architecture of it being rounder in a way. It felt like a cottage despite its massive size. There were a lot of plants. On the walls were framed pictures. Mostly of Sachiro. A lot were ones he’s never seen. There were a lot of selfies of you two. And hidden between all of them was that Disneyland photo. It was when he had amnesia. When he thought you were cheating. Before he knew of all your lies. That instantly ruined his mood. 

Placing a coaster, you set his drink down. He couldn’t help but notice that the coasters were made with images of Sachiro’s drawings. 

“The lemonade is rather tart since the lemons are homegrown. So, I went ahead and added a bit of sugar. But here’s some more if you like. I don’t know if you still have the same sweet tooth. So, if I put too much sugar, let me know! I’ll get you another cup!” You set down a jar with sugar. You were so talkative. The last time you spoke this much with him was when you were kids. 

He didn’t move. Noticing his discomfort, you kept talking. “I was going to call you tomorrow. But I’m glad to see you. Did you come alone?”

“Y/N, I thought you committed suicide.”

You deflated slightly. Somberly you looked around the room. With a gentle smile, you looked at him. It was like you had puppy dog eyes. He could get lost in them. It had been a year since he was attracted to you, but he couldn’t help but want to lean closer to you. To breathe your air. He stopped himself in time

“It all happened kinda fast right? I was hoping that by doing it all at once, it would be like ripping the band aid off, y’know? People are bound to talk, so instead of doing it slowly and reigniting interest in my life every couple of weeks, I thought it would be easier if I just made one big splash and let the water settle from there.”

It felt like he was in a different dimension. You spoke so casually to him. It almost felt like he was the weird one. In disbelief, he stayed quiet.

Taking a deep breath, you continued. “Honestly, I did plan to. To commit suicide, I mean.  So, I guess you weren’t completely wrong.”

He stared at you. How you casually admitted to your suicidal ideations.

“What? You can’t be the only one to be suicidal right?” You joked, hoping to ease the tension. It did the exact opposite. 

“Y/N I need you to fucking explain everything. No jokes”

Your gaze hardened. “Gojo, you do not disrespect me in my house. I have welcomed you because you are my child’s father, but I will forbid you from coming here again if you speak to me like that again.”

He remained silent but nodded. It was weird. You definitely had grown a backbone since he last saw you in your apartment. Just a couple months ago, you looked like the submissive, docile, doormat you once were. But now? Now you confident and strong without sacrificing your trusting and selfless nature. You were a perfect blend of your youth and your experience. 

“This is my way of asking for forgiveness. From everyone. I’ve done a lot of awful things. Since that New York trip, I became vindictive. I became evil. I didn’t know why. How could I be jealous that the man I encouraged to move on moved on? I was changing Satoru. I had thought that being mean and cold was a way to protect myself. But in reality, I had gotten worse. I couldn’t stand my reflection. Then, I saw you Akemi and my star at the store. You remember right? With the pink bunny? You all looked so happy. It was the life Sachiro deserved. I went home and saw myself. Really saw myself. I couldn’t recognize who that person in the mirror was. Since then, I was determined to seek forgiveness from everyone I wronged. My first thought was to kill myself. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t do that to my star. Even now, I find myself fantasizing about just jumping off that cliff… I even planted flowers there so whenever Sachiro visited, he would feel safe. But I can’t. That’s why I have all these photos and drawings of him. If I keep thinking of him, I’ll never have time to contemplate killing myself.”

Gojo couldn’t stop his eyes from watering. He almost reached out to grab your hands. He closed his hands harshly, forcing himself not to move. “But Y/N... you didn’t do anything wrong. I mean, you have done wrong. But we all have. You shouldn’t have to punish yourself for existing.”

Always and empath, you leaned forward and placed a cute octopus squishy in his hands. He quietly accepted it, showing the indents his nails made on palm “You don’t want to accidentally cut yourself. I learned that a little too late.” You laughed gently as you showed him your own palm. There were small scars in the shape of your nails. 

Holding the squishy in one hand, he used the other hand to inspect your hand. They were different. It was obvious that you still took care of your hands: soft, supple, perfect nail beds, trimmed nails. But upon further inspection, he could see multiple scars littering your fingers. His gaze drifted upwards to your forearm. There he saw some bigger scars. Some still scabbing. He could feel his own scar throb at the memory of the pain. Gojo couldn’t stop himself as some tears fell out. He couldn’t stop himself from tracing their outline.

“Why- why would you do this? You were alone the whole time? Then why? Y/N I don’t understand you? You were going to…”

He was interrupted by your melodious laughter. You pulled your hand away. “You’re too sweet Gojo. No. No these aren’t what you think they are. It’s just some office mistakes. I jumped into my work to fill that void of loneliness. But you know, it’s pretty dangerous to be handling sharp rotary cutters when you haven’t slept for days.” 

Grabbing his hand, you pulled him up. “Let’s go for a walk!”

Leading him to the back door, her couldn’t help but stare at your interlinked hands. The tips of his ears turned pink. He felt so young right now. No. No I can’t think like that. 

The back yard was like a Ghibli fantasy forest. It had plenty of lush green plants and flowers growing everywhere. In a corner there was a cute gazebo with two easels ready. One noticibly smaller than the other. There were plenty of trees a reasonable distance from the house. They provided a nice area of shade. Some grew peaches, others grew limes.  A stone path led to another corner where a sand pit was already set up. The entire perimeter was protected with a gorgeous white fence. Tall enough that Sachiro wouldn’t be possible to scale it. There was one exit. You headed there still holding Gojo’s hand. Typing in a security code, the door opened, and you headed into the forest. After a 5-minute walk, the forest cleared and presented a cliff side. Undoubtedly it was gorgeous. The ocean was beautiful. Flowers and clovers surrounded the area. 

He didn’t realize how much time had passed until he saw that the sun was setting. You let go of his hand and sat down, resting your head on your knees. You always had that curious habit of returning to a fetal position. Settling next to you, he couldn’t stop himself from looking at you. You looked ethereal. With the sun in your face, the wind in your hair. There was a gentle smile playing on your lips as you stared at the ocean. 

“Gojo…”

He couldn’t help but squish the little octopus. He didn’t know why it hurt him to hear you call him only by his last name.

“I disagree with what you said earlier. I should be punished for my existence. I’ve done nothing good. Born into a life of luxury, and I still managed to want more… When Toji broke up with me, he told me something very valuable. He told me that I was stuck in my mother’s hospital room. That I never left. And he’s right. Ever since my mom died, I became a walking corpse. I cursed myself with eternal loneliness. And yet, I so wanted to fight that loneliness. So when my father mentioned the marriage, I was ecstatic. Although we haven’t spoken in years and you refused to answer any messages I sent, my loneliness convinced me that you wanted it. I mean technically you did, but you didn’t really want it. I wonder, if I had never accepted that proposal, would you still be with Sera? Would any of this happened?”

The wind filled in for Gojo’s silence.

“My selfishness blinded me. I so badly wanted to be loved that I ignored any sign of resistance. Even when you told me that I would never compare to her, I wanted you to change for me. How pretentious. Had I just given up, then maybe you wouldn’t have thought that you loved me. When you couldn’t vanquish my loneliness, I searched for it in Toji. I abused his friendship just so that I wouldn’t be alone. When I figured out the real reason you married me, the reason you bought that house, the betrayal. That almost killed me Gojo. Imagine that. Even at my lowest I couldn’t stop seeking attention. I put myself over you, as usual. I lied and kept you from your child. I shouldn’t have been so selfish. It was okay that you didn’t love me. As long as you loved our child. But no selfish Y/N strikes again. Then, even though I knew I wasn’t ready, I still accepted when Toji proposed. I’m a monster. Just a year ago, I almost lost it. I was becoming unrecognizable Gojo. I couldn’t look at you and Akemi without getting angry. How was it fair, that I had to go through months of humiliation, which in hindsight, I did deserve, just for her to get the perfect boyfriend. I cried for months before you even held me. The first time we had sex, I had to beg you to kiss me. I hated her and I hated you. But that’s not your fault. Nor is it her’s. It’s mine. If I wasn’t so selfish and I didn’t think you loved me then none of this would have happened. I ruined so many lives because I couldn’t see past myself. If I didn’t use people to fill this abyss I have in my heart, I wouldn’t have caused you to almost commit suicide. I wouldn’t have taken Sera’s boyfriend from her. I wouldn’t have wasted Toji’s time. I wouldn’t have hurt your mom. None of this would have happened. I should have stayed in that hospital room. I should have asked them to bury me with her.”

You were crying now. Your hands shaky as they gripped tighter. You were curling in on yourself, wanting to disappear. 

“If I hadn’t been so awful, Sachiro wouldn’t have seen me cry so much.”

Gojo’s heart broke. All those lies. All those insults. You believed them. No. No you weren’t selfish. You were the opposite. You always put other above yourself, even if it hurt you. Of course, you’ve committed your share of sins, but never maliciously. You were too trusting, too eager to please. And to think he didn’t love you? That nearly shattered him. He may have moved on, but the love he had for you was real. Even though he may have forgotten how to love you: even though he may have abused you: even though he didn’t deserve to love you, he has never stopped loving you since you were young. 

He reached out a hand to soothe your back as you hiccupped through your gentle tears. You had a special charm that made everything you did look beautiful. But he paused seeing how stunning you were despite the tears on your face. He almost kissed you. But he didn’t. Not because he held himself back, but because he saw your eyes. 

As you stared into the ocean, your eyes changed from their vulnerable and kind state to a detached, disconnected gaze. Almost like you were hypnotized by the sea. The waves calling you. It was the same gaze he had when he was suicidal. 

“After seeing you at the store, I realized that I needed to atone for my sins. I needed to seek forgiveness. That night was actually the night I realized I needed to commit suicide. Not to ease my own pain, no that’s a selfish reason. I wanted to commit suicide so that everyone’s bad thoughts, everyone’s problems, and every bad thing I did could die with me. If everyone took turns spitting on my grave, I wouldn’t mind. As long as I was no longer causing problems, it would have been worth it. I spent the whole night making a new stuffed animal for him. I cut myself a lot by accident, but I didn’t mind. That was going to be his last gift. My existence is a mistake. Me dying would be a gift to the world.”

“And?”

“And I clearly decided not to. I owe my life to Sachiro. As long as he needs me, I will live for him. I want to die, Gojo. I want to give everyone the life they had before they met me. I want everyone to be happy again. But I can’t. Because I have my little star. I’m evil Gojo. I’m a black hole. I pull people in, only to destroy them. I’m afraid one day I might do that to him too.”

You turned to look at him, tears streaming down your face. 

“It kills me to know that one day I’ll hurt him too. But he loves me so much. He fills the void in my heart. I’m not lonely when I’m with him and I know its selfish, but the way he looks at me... The way he looks at me almost makes me think I’m a good person.”

Gojo continued staring at you. He couldn’t take his eyes off of you. Hearing you talk about yourself this way hurt him immensely. It almost felt like he was drowning. No, you didn’t get better. None of your problems were solved. You just learned to live with them. 

You leaned close to Gojo. The honesty in your eyes almost scared him. “Gojo, if you ever notice that Sachiro is suffering being with me, I need you to tell me. The second I start poisoning him, I’ll kill myself.”

The conviction behind your words paralyzed him. You two sat there for a minute. He didn’t know what to say. He knew what this felt like. He knew the exact emotions you were drowning in. But he couldn’t help but think that you were a lot worse. You have begun to hate your entire existence. You had no one. The amount of self-hate you had was shocking. 

After a couple minutes of silence, you wiped your tears away. Standing up you offered your hand to him. 

Looking at you now, it felt like he was in an alternate dimension. One where he confessed when he was younger. One where he never met Sera. One when he got on a knee and properly proposed. And he almost believed it. Just as he reached to grab your hand, he finally noticed how his phone was ringing. Looking down he saw Akemi’s number. He looked at you apologetically. You smiled kindly and continued to offer your hand. As his bigger hand enveloped yours, he imagined pulling you in close and kissing you in the sunset. Just like the romance novels you loved. As soon as he stood up, though, you released his hand. Walking past him you headed back to you house. 

You were giving him privacy. He was at crossroads; stay here and answer the phone or chase after you. All those times he didn’t. Maybe he should this time. No. He’s going to get married. He’s made his choice. And like usual, he didn’t chase after you. 

He spent some time with Akemi on the phone. He explained the entire situation to her. He omitted everything you told him, though. That was for him only. He calmed her down and promised he would be home by the end of the night.

Walking back to your house, he smelled the pasta you used to love so much. You only ever cooked it for him once. He saw you humming as you stirred the pasta with the sauce. 

“Y/N, I’m going to head out now. Akemi is worried. You should call your family too. They’re probably worried too.”

You turned to him. You looked like a picture-perfect housewife with the apron you had on. You hummed in agreement. 

“They already know, but thank you for the suggestion. It was nice seeing you. Would you like some food to take for the trip?”

He should say no. There’s no way to explain leaving work to spend the whole day with your ex-wife to your fiancé. Much less if he brought food with him. 

“Sure.”

You packed it into some cute tupperware. It had little duckies on the lids. He just realized how much you changed financially as well. Besides the large house, one would never assume you came from wealth. There was very little name brand stuff. A lot of the decorations were local. 

Noticing his curious gaze as you handed the Tupperware to him, you giggled.

“If we see each other again, feel free to ask any questions. We’ve both changed a lot. I hope next time you talk a bit more. I kinda hogged the whole conversation today huh?”

You walked him to the door and waved him goodbye. 

He spent the next two hours just re-living that time. Already he missed being in your house. He could already imagine you, him, and Sachiro painting outside or going to the local city for festivals. Despite all the heartbreaking things you told him, all the awful things you thought of yourself, you managed to make a sanctuary. It was always in your nature to find the silver lining in every circumstance. You obviously needed a therapist. But a selfish part of him was glad that he was your confidante. As far as he was concerned, only he knew of how you felt, where you lived, why you did what you did. It was like you were still his.

As soon as he recognized these thoughts, he pulled over. There is no way he can think like that. No that would be unfair to Akemi. He’s already hurt you so much. He pushed you to the point of trauma. He changed you. Even now, the scars of hos he treated you were present. Everything you thought was because he had told you it at one point. No. He couldn’t do all that to Akemi either. 

Grabbing the cute Tupperware with the pasta, he almost threw it out. 

Instead, he took a second to look at it. It was two big ducks and little baby one. You had used a ribbon to tie some utensils on the top. Everything your hands made had some care and love imbued into it. Opening it, he aggressively ate it all. It was delicious, as expected. While he ate, he started crying. Why? Why did seeing you like that hurt him so much? Why did he use Akemi’s name instead of calling her his fiancé? Why didn’t he hold you as you cried? Why do you use his last name? Why?

He drove home that night. He kissed Akemi before she could even greet him. She immediately melted into the kiss, even if she was still peeved at being ghosted the whole day. He playfully pleaded for her to forgive him. He smiled. He laughed. But for some reason her couldn’t look her in the eyes like he used to. A part of him wished it was you he was holding. 

He went to Sachiro’s room. It was messier than usual. He noticed a bunch of crocheted toys he had never seen before. I guess that’s what was in the box. He reached his son, and he stopped to stare at him. Sachiro was holding two things as he slept. The bunny, per usual, but also a note. In big letters Gojo could make out Momma’s Ready! Sachiro was still learning to read, so you hadn’t written much. Still, just seeing those two letters had excited Sachiro so much that he slept with it. On his little tummy laid the phone. Close to dead, Gojo picked it up to charge it. There he saw that Sachiro had been listening to a video you recorded of yourself singing to him. Oh right. Since you had spent the whole evening with Gojo, you couldn’t call Sachiro. 

For a reason Gojo couldn’t explain, he sent the video to his own phone. He plugged the phone in and walked out of the room. 

Akemi had already headed to their own room. Before Gojo could, he had to organize some stuff.

“Hello, I know its late. I’m just letting you know not to pick up Sachiro tomorrow. I’ll handle the drop off.”

Gojo had to see you. Just for answers. He just wanted you to explain yourself. That’s all

At least that’s what he told himself. But when he slept that night, he dreamt of living in that house with you. He dreamt of cooking breakfast for Sachiro and you. He dreamt of a world where you were his. 

[harlowcomehome]

Paparazzi and house keys:

Series link!

The entire dinner Jack was very obviously distracted, and becoming more and more clumsy. His hands trembled as he soaked up the wine glass he had spilled on the cloth table.

“I’m sorry” he spoke softly to the waiter as he soaked up the spilled mess, the waiter smiled handing him another cloth napkin before leaving.

You rubbed the small of his back as he was hunched over the table.

“It’s going to be okay baby” You whispered as he sat down beside you.

Urban overheard you, having wondered what was going on with the two of you for the entire dinner.

“Bathroom?” Jack suggested, wanting you to follow him to speak in private, feeling Neelam's gaze on the both of you.

You took his hand as you both excused yourselves, you walked hand in hand quickly to a private area.

Neither of you had realized that Urban followed behind you, hiding out of view. The both of you had been acting off all night and he knew something was up.

“We don’t have to do this now, if you’re not ready I understand that. You have more to lose.”

“I’m ready. I’m just worried about you, this isn’t going to be easy.” The color started to come back in his complexion.

“I know that.” You swallowed, truthfully you knew that the outcome of this wasn’t even going to be a fraction of what you imagined it to be, and you were way in over your head.

“Is Layla going to call TMZ or something? Who is going to leak these pictures?” Jack whispered but there was no use, his best friend heard everything.

Urban's eyes shot wide open at that sentence, emerging from the wall beside you.

“Damn! You two aren’t sneaky at all!” He laughed, earning a gasp from both you and Jack.

“Look I know you guys want the world to know you’re together and I’m all for it but we ALL have to play this a lot smarter” Urban looked over to where Neelam was sat at the table.

“Would you take the pictures? Maybe you can leak them? So we have control over it?” You were babbling, honestly just nervous that Urban overheard everything.

Urban nodded, “I’ll do whatever you guys want me to do. But I think you two should think this over, timing isn’t great right now.”

Jack was silent, his mind racing knowing that Urban was right. He had been thinking of his eagerness the entire time and not the logistics of it all.

“You know they’ll probably find out where you work? Where you live? What Layla does for a living, I mean everything.”

“Who?”

“Well…”Jack hesitated to respond, “the fans.”

You and Jack had discussed this topic many times, laying in bed at night, legs intertwined, his retainer in. On all your lazy nights together, you knew that someday things would change and you had put a lot of thought into it.

“Our lease ends in two months. Layla and I can move into an apartment in a gated community, we’ve already been discussing it.”

Jack was quiet, there was something he wanted to ask you privately.

“Let’s finish dinner before Nee comes over here” Urban warned and both you and Jack agreed.

Neelam was skeptical and curious about what was going on but didn’t press the subject.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

When you got back to the hotel you started to pack your things, your mind was racing, and the adrenaline still hadn’t worn off.

“Baby, can we talk about something?” Jack was sitting on the bed, watching you from a distance.

He was serious, something that didn’t happen all that often when you were together. You knew he had a lot to say by his demeanor.

“Sure? What’s up?” You played it cool, however, inside you were losing it. You sat by him on the bed.

“I wanted to wait until our anniversary to have this conversation but I feel like it makes more sense to do it now.” A nervous laugh escaped him.

You realized that you and Jack had almost been together a full year, a smile spreading across your face immediately.

“What if we” he paused, “moved in together when your lease was up?”

“All four of us?” You weren’t sure what he meant entirely.

“I was thinking, just us two.”

You had lived with Layla for a couple of years now, she had been the only person you’d ever lived with. You knew that eventually the both of you would have to come to terms with that changing someday but you hadn’t anticipated it so soon.

Jack saw your expression, noticing your silence and taking it as a rejection.

“You know what?” He scoffed, his feelings hurt and his ego bruised. “It’s fine, just forget that I said anything.”

“You’re dramatic” you giggled, your hand pushing against his chest playfully.

He looked up at you, cracking a big smile.

You always knew how to defuse him.

“Yes! Of course” You leaned in for a kiss.

He pulled back to get a better look at your face, “yes, what? Y/N I think I just need to hear it.”

He was beyond excited, you could tell by his silly tone.

“Yes! Let’s move in!”

You uncontrollably giggled as you both rolled around in the hotel bed, covering one another in kisses.

[sluttywonwoo]

okay drunk as hell changkyun deciding not to go home but to go to you and as soon as you open the front door he is going to town with the best head of your life because the topic of weddings was brought up and all he could do was think about YOU

“kyun?”

the man on your doorstep smiles hazily at you. he’s leaning against the wall, not because he’s trying to look cool, you realize, but because he needs to for support.

“what are you doing here?”

he shrugs. “i was in the area. thought i’d drop by.”

“are you drunk?”

“maybe.”

“how’d you get here?” you ask, craning your neck to see if there was a car outside waiting for him.

“i walked.”

“what?”

“i walked.”

“you- how far?”

he shrugs again. “like i said, i was in the area.”

he doesn’t know how far he walked. you think to yourself. it’s a miracle he made it here without getting lost. or maybe he really had been close by.

“are you going to let me in?”

“oh.”

you sidestep to allow changkyun to pass you. he steps through the doorway into the foyer and leans down to slip off his shoes, promptly making his way to the kitchen to wash his hands afterwards.

“you could’ve texted,” you call after him, crossing your arms over your chest as you follow him through your house.

“why, so you could tell your other boyfriend to get lost before i got here?”

you roll your eyes. “yes, that’s exactly why.”

he gives you an apologetic smile over the half-wall that divides the kitchen from the dining nook. “i’m sorry. i’ll call you next time.”

“not that i’m not happy to see you,” you add, suddenly feeling guilty about your less than enthusiastic welcome. “i just wasn’t expecting to.”

changkyun crosses the room and wraps his arms around your waist.

“i know how you get, baby. you like things a certain way. you like knowing what to expect. i’m sorry for not giving you a head’s up. i wasn’t thinking about it.”

“that’s because you’re drunk,” you say, pushing a finger to his chest. “in the middle of the day, no less.”

“it was for a program.”

“a program? like a show?”

“yeah, have you ever watched lee youngji’s show?”

“you were on it?!”

“we just finished taping it.”

“i love that show! we watched hoshi’s episode together, remember?”

“baby, can i go down on you?”

you pull yourself from your boyfriend’s grasp to stare at him, at a loss for words.

“please?” he adds, as if that’s what was missing from what he’d said.

“what- where is this coming from?”

“do i need a reason to want to eat you out?”

well, no. changkyun was kind of addicted to your pussy anyway so it wasn’t out of character for him to ask—

“i mean, it just came out of nowhere,” you explain. “one second we’re talking about youngji’s show, the next you’re asking to shove your tongue up my cunt.”

changkyun whimpers at the mental image that produces in his mind and pulls you close again.

“we were just talking about weddings and wedding presents while we filmed and it made me think about you.”

“we’re not married.”

“but i want to be!”

“changkyun, you better not be proposing to me right now.”

“i’m not,” he assures you. “even though i do want to marry you. someday. it’s just, weddings always make me think of you. you know, they make me wonder what our wedding will be like.”

“you just love love,” you sigh, brushing his bangs out of his eyes. “and we’ve been to so many weddings lately. it seems like all our friends are getting married. that’s probably where you’re getting the association between me and weddings from. us celebrating love together.”

“that, and we always have the best sex at the hotel afterwards.”

“kyun!”

“what? we do!”

“you’re really only thinking with your dick right now, aren’t you?”

he cocks his head to the side and shrugs. “what can i say, you bring it out in me.”

“no, i don’t. the whiskey does.”

“let’s agree to say it’s a little bit of both.”

you roll your eyes.

“you never answered my question,” changkyun reminds you.

“what?”

“can i go down on you?”

you sigh and take changkyun by the hand, leading him to the living room. you hear him let out a giddy giggle from being you as he follows and you can’t help but smile to yourself.

“on your knees,” you instruct, planting yourself on the couch in front of the spot you chose for him.

you expect him to obey eagerly but he pouts as he sinks down onto the rug, pursing his lips into a frown.

you sigh. “what is it?”

“wanted you to sit on my face,” he mumbles.

“well how was i supposed to know that? you should’ve specified.”

“i’m specifying now,” he whines.

“jesus, how much did you drink?”

“it doesn’t matter.”

“maybe you should sober up a little first.”

changkyun’s eyes widen. “please don’t make me wait any longer, baby. i need it so bad. need to taste you, make you feel good.”

you groan and pinch the bridge of your nose. really, your boyfriend begging to eat you out shouldn’t stress you out as much as it is.

“fine,” you secede, “but you have to do it on your knees. i’ll consider sitting on your face when you’re not so tipsy.”

“but why?”

“knowing you, you’ll forget to breathe. or if you do remember to breathe but i’m suffocating you, you’ll be too stubborn to tap out before you make me cum. you’d literally rather die trying than give up.”

your boyfriend purses his lips. “you might have a point.”

“you know i do,” you scoff, nudging him with your knee. “now, take what i’m offering you or nothing at all.”

“yes, ma’am.”

[mountymase]

serendipity - two

all of these daydreams come back to me at night

pairing: fem!reader x mason mount

summary: you don’t know his name, he doesn’t know yours - along with many other things you don’t know about each other… but every night, you’re both there, meeting in different scenarios in each other’s dreams, hoping that someday your dreams will come true.

author: SURPRISE MF!!!!!!! LOL! this is what happens when I don’t feel pressured: I write. and I write some good stuff! DONT FORGET TO LEAVE YOUR FEEDBACK!!!!

warnings: series will contain fluff, angst, language and smut. italic parts are for the dreams!

word count: 2.672k

Moving to London wasn’t the hardest part, but adjusting to a whole new work environment was certainly a difficult task but not because the people there were bad — their dynamic was surely different, but everyone was so friendly that you never missed the Danish office. Not for one moment. So when you received text messages from your former colleagues and they tagged you on their Insta stories, you felt bad for not missing your days there.

Between adapting to your new life, having April and Archie around daily, and finishing decorating your new flat, you hardly had the time to miss anything from your old life.

Except him.

He wasn’t there anymore, in your dreams. Your nights were as dark as ever — it felt like there was a void and they were meaningless. Probably like every night should be, but not since he appeared to turn your sleep into more than getting enough rest for the next day. The consequence of this was you sleeping poorly and feeling tired all the time because he wasn't there to make you feel safe, and your best friend just assumed it was because you missed (your now ex-boyfriend) Henrik.

“I don’t,” you blurted, getting a hand squeeze and a confused frown in return as April placed her cup of coffee down. “I mean, I do. He’s important, but it was not the same.”

“Every relationship has its own rough path, love.”

You shook your head, letting her hand go. “It’s not a rough path when there’s a third person involved.”

April’s jaw dropped as a gasp escaped her lips. “He cheated?” She breathed, taking both hands to her chest, clearly shocked.

“God, no! Henrik would never!”

“You cheated on him?” Her voice reached a note higher than it was appropriate, making a few curious glances make your blood boil under your skin.

“Can you keep your fucking voice down, please?” You clenched your fists, long nails marking the skin of the palm of your hand. “You know better! I’m no cheater!”

“I’m sorry,” she shrugged, giving you an apologetic smile. “Who’s the third person, then?”

“I don’t know,” you sighed in frustration, rubbing your forehead with the tip of your fingers as the frown was back on April’s face.

“Are you high?”

“No, but you’ll probably ask that again once I tell you what’s been happening.”

For the next hour, sitting in a corner in that little café, between chocolate muffins and more cups of steamy coffee, you told April the whole truth about your dreams. She listened, smiling when you shared how you felt every time he held you in his arms. Not once did you feel like she was judging you, and you felt a bit foolish for not telling her sooner and getting it all out of your chest — she was your best friend and you always shared everything, no matter how pathetic it’d be. Letting it all out made you feel lighter, maybe even a bit less miserable since you stopped dreaming of him even if you felt like half of you was still missing.

Not knowing his name wasn’t a problem for the ever-creative April, who always tried to get something positive out of every situation. With both of you being massive Grey’s Anatomy fans, she decided you’d start calling him McDreamy from now on. It was a bit foolish but seeing how invested she was made your eyes quickly burn with tears you fought hard to stop.

“I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you, Apes,” you reached for her hand again, squeezing it softly.

“Don’t be silly. I’ll always be around, and it’s so wonderful seeing how in love you are…”

As hard as it was to admit, you did love him. A stranger, a man you had no idea who it was or if he was real — but that pair of brown eyes and the way the corners of his eyes wrinkled when he smiled, and that constellation of freckles sprinkled across his face… made you flutter.

“Funny you mention his brown eyes,” April said, making you frown this time but you remained in silence, waiting for her to continue. “You always dated men with blue or green eyes, but remember when we were fourteen and you convinced me to draw the man you’d like to marry someday?”

That was the moment you felt the whole place move too fast and everyone around you too slowly. Your hands and the back of your neck tingled, a knot formed on your throat and stomach and you felt the urge to vomit. Memories of a twelve-year-old you were all over your mind, so vivid that if you stretched your arms just a bit you’d be able to touch them and feel them. McDreamy wasn’t so unfamiliar to you, his face was familiar for a reason and the possibility of him being a fantasy made you panic.

If it wasn’t for a pair of strong arms holding you, your body would hit the floor so fast you’d end up hurt once your vision blurred and it all went black.

*****

Y/n.

That name was all Mason could think of for the past two months, besides all the frustrating situations he found himself in. Missing the woman of his dreams, Chelsea having a bad season and his contract negotiations going nowhere he wanted, Mason hoped he could just run away and start fresh. He made an effort to be rational, think of something that’d explain why you weren’t there anymore to bring the only comfort he had in the middle of his chaotic life. But nothing involving you could come with the word “rational”.

He missed you, deeply.

He missed the warmth of your skin and how soft it felt under his touch. Mason missed your smell, he missed your hair between his fingers and mostly, he missed how natural and loving you had been. How he never felt like this for anyone else in his life, and how he found it when he least expected it.

Loving you gave him purpose.

And now you were gone, vanished.

“Mase? Are you listening?” Carlotta, his stylist, waved one hand in the air and snapped her fingers, trying to get his attention as she drank down her latte.

“Yeah yeah, sorry… the Dior collab?” Mason sighed, pouring sparkling water into his almost empty glass.

“I’m supposed to go to their office on Thursday to pick some outfits for you. Would you like to come?”

The Nike + Dior collab was something major, and being invited to be part of it with a few other well-known and influential names got Mason pumped up at first, but it all disappeared once you faded from his life too. You never shared information that was too personal, scared of waking up for sharing more than you should and ending the little time you spent together, but Mason always silently shared his happiness with you whenever something good happened — he shared sadness and frustration too, and without asking anything, you’d soothe him either with your nails softly scratching his skin, making him both relax and get the most delicious chills running down his body, or with your smile. The sweetest smile he’s ever seen.

Mason chewed the inside of his cheeks, not wanting to disappoint Carlotta, but also not knowing how to say no. “Training on Thursdays is usually tough, maybe we could FaceTime?”

“Mase,” he didn’t move his eyes from his glass to look at his friend when she called him; Mason just let out a long, exhausted sigh, when Carlotta reached for his forearm and tried to comfort him with a soft squeeze. “I’m here whenever you feel like sharing what’s been happening.”

Mason nodded, offering her a side smile in return. “I know,” he muttered. “It’s good knowing I’m surrounded by people who care, I know I’ll figure things out soon.”

“That’s the spirit!” Carlotta waved her imaginary pompoms in the air, sharing a giggle with Mason. “FaceTime, then?”

“Sounds good. What kind of theme will this shoot have?”

Carlotta was ready to answer him when, a few tables away from them, a small group of people tried to help a woman. She groaned, trying to get a glimpse of what exactly was going on, but without any success. Mason leaned to his left, stretching his neck hoping he’d see something but there were so many people around the woman that all his eyes caught was an arm hanging in the air as a man walked her out of the café.

He spent another hour or so talking to Carlotta, mostly about this Nike + Dior campaign and the lavish party both brands would throw once all the photoshoots were wrapped, with his own being the last one of a series that were taken with other athletes.

A golden bracelet glistening on the floor when he was about to walk out of the café caught his attention, and it was like his soul left his body. Like there was no blood rushing through his veins, but at the same time he could feel it burning under his skin as his heart pounded against his chest — so hard it hurt, that Mason could swear he’d vomit it.

He’d seen it before. The golden vintage bracelet, with a poppy pendant that his fingers played with so many times before.

In his dreams.

*****

The familiar scent of orange blossom somewhat comforted you because it meant you were home, the dim sunset light forcing its way between the half-closed curtains brought some cosiness to your new and recently fully decorated bedroom. But it didn’t take long for anxiety to creep in again, forcing you to shut your eyes and do your best to focus on your breathing as you repeated the sequence that usually soothed your nerves.

Flashes of what happened before you blacked out filled your mind again, along with memories of a distant past when you were a 14-year-old and spent your afternoons at your best friend’s house, making plans for the future and daydreaming about your potential husbands – although you always made clear you’d marry last because your career would always be the main priority. April was the hopeless romantic in this duo, and not so surprisingly, she’d become a mum just five years later.

Three knocks on the door followed by the most adorable and fuzzy ginger hair showing up behind the door brought a side smile to your lips. Archie was the perfect combination of the sweetest, shy, and sassy child you’ve ever seen; the most precious gift April could’ve ever given to you when she asked you to be his godmother and you proudly accepted.

“You can come in,” you cooed, finally seeing his face. Green eyes sparkled with curiosity and worry, he carefully held a Spider-Man mug in both hands and took short steps toward the bed. “What do you have in there, munchkin?”

“It’s hot coco, mummy made it for you,” the six-year-old said, slowly stretching his arms to you. “I told her you’d feel better if it was in my Spider-Man mug.”

A loving smile spread across your lips, the sorrow in your heart being quickly replaced by the joy that Archis always brought into your life.

“You were right,” you said, carefully sipping the hot liquid. “But do you know what would make me feel even better?”

His eyes widened a bit when you leaned forward as you were about to share a secret. “Huh?”

“Cuddles with my favourite person in the world,” you patted the empty side of the bed, making Archie throw his head back and a cheerful laugh fill the bedroom. He jumped on the bed right after you placed his mug on your bedside table and quickly wrapped his arms around your body.

“Are you going to die?” Archie mumbled, hiding his face in your shirt. You frowned and, before you could say something, he continued: “I was at the Zoo with daddy and I overheard him on the phone with mummy, she said you fainted.”

“Archie, love…” You cupped his face with both hands, making your godson look at you – his teary green eyes blinked repeatedly, trying to push the tears away, as he sniffed. It was painfully adorable. “There’s nothing to worry about. I’ve been very tired lately, just working a lot and finishing decorating the apartment. And I’m feeling much better now that you’re here.”

“Do you promise, momster?” You giggled at the nickname he came up to you: a combination of mum and monster, something you called him quite often. According to Archie, you were too important to be called auntie, and godmother was too long.

“I promise, my little monster.”

It wasn’t long until April decided to check on you – she found a half-asleep Archie in your arms, mumbling how he couldn’t wait to take you to watch him play football so he could score a goal for you until he finally crashed and low snores fell from his parted lips. The constellation of freckles spread across his face was utterly adorable.

“So…” April started, sitting on your bed. “What the hell happened?”

“I had a flashback to our teen years after you mentioned the drawing.”

“But why?” She frowned.

“Because it’s him, Apes. The man I described to you when we were fourteen is the man I’ve been dreaming of, which makes me believe he’s just… someone I imagined.”

“He can’t be.”

“Apes, I know you’re a hopeless romantic but please,” an exhausted sigh parted your lips. “Be fucking reasonable.”

“I refuse myself, Y/n.” April shook her head, repeatedly, not wanting to believe it’s all been your subconscious trying to fill something, you just didn’t know what, because when he showed up for the first time you were in a happy relationship.

“You’re seriously not helping.”

“Would you describe him again? So I can draw him.”

A knot formed in your throat and it was a hard one to swallow. “I love you for doing this for me, but I won’t. I know it was just my mind playing tricks on me, and end of discussion.”

April pouted, and though you were deadly serious about not talking about it anymore, you knew her all too well. She wouldn’t let go, but she’d remain quiet for a while — you hoped to find something else for her to be distracted because it meant she’d focus on it and finally leave you alone.

You talked for a little while, mostly about Archie and how well he was doing at Chelsea FCAcademy. April had sent videos of him multiple times, but you’ve never attended an open training nor a game in person, it’s always been on FaceTime when you were free from work.

Not far from your new apartment, Mason found himself alone at home — tucked under a heavy blanket and a grey hoodie, body was lazily thrown on the dark L-shaped sofa with only the TV lighting up a living room that was too large for just one person. When he bought the house, Mason thought how incredible it’d be to have his family there as many times as he could and that someday he’d have his own family to fill the space. He hoped his own family would get so big he’d have to buy a new, larger house.

With the golden bracelet between his fingers, poppy pendant shining, Mason’s thoughts were everywhere. He remembered, clear as daylight, when you mentioned in one of the dreams that the bracelet belonged to your grandmother and that the pendant was a gift from your dad before he left and it was your favourite flower. It couldn’t be just a coincidence, especially because it was exactly the same bracelet, so he allowed himself to feel all the joy rushing through his veins, warming his heart, body, and soul.

You were real.

“I promise I’ll find you Y/n, whatever it takes.”

[jennamoran]

if you have I dunno 827492734 tabs open, what is in them?

TUMBLR: large numbers of them will be the tumblr dashboard. You were probably looking at something specific. Something you wanted to look at later. Too bad. They are the tumblr dashboard now.

TWITTER: maybe you are like me and you no longer feel morally comfortable posting to twitter. But did you feel that way 827492734 tabs ago? Even 127492734 tabs ago? I didn’t think so. However, you will notice that roughly half of the specific tweets are gone for reasons best left undiscovered.

GMAIL: gmail might remember what you were doing but probably not. These are just general gmail now.

FAN FIC YOU GOT BORED READING BUT NOT SO BORED AS TO ACTUALLY CLOSE THE TAB ON: oh no

GIFT IDEAS FROM PREVIOUS HOLIDAYS: how you flailed around. HOW you flailed around, year after year, desperately looking for things for all your friends who refuse to be like “you know what I love? cozies. Just get me a doorknob cozy or like an air cozy or a cat cozy or a bed cozy or a computer cozy or something, I’ll be delighted!” Most of the things you found were too expensive or too trashy to actually give them. It’s OK, though. You tried.

REFERENCE ART: why, yes, my open tabs did go back to when I was doing art for the Nobilis 3 remake, why do you ask?

WEBTOONS YOU REALLY DO PLAN TO READ SOMEDAY: it *looks* like it would be an appealing format, the stories aren’t necessarily bad, why do all the webtoons just kind of pile up in your old tabs anyway? It’s not like you turn your nose up at comics, you know.

TREASURE MAP: yeah, yeah, whatever, ^W

THANK YOU FOR ORDERING ME: if you let the page finish loading it might even tell you what it was that you ordered and give you a useful landmark in time! ... there is probably only like a 1% chance it will reorder a whatever it was you bought then. That’s not a big chance at all!

THE HIMMA DAGA ENGLISH-GOTHIC DICTIONARY: like me I am sure that probably like 1 in 20 of your old tabs are dedicated to the Himma Daga English-Gothic dictionary because of all the times one has to look up Gothic words in everyday life. It is the constant drumbeat of my day.

A PDF THAT YOU ALREADY DOWNLOADED: I should probably turn off the option that makes these download instead of loading in my browser

REQUESTS TO LOG INTO DROPBOX: these are probably actually dropbox links but what, like, I am going to log in to things? I am Jenna Moran things should log in to ME

1976 AMC HORNET SPORTABOUT WAGON: ambient 1976 AMC Hornet Sportabout Wagons were a big problem for me at one point while browsing if you know what I mean

IMPORTANT THINGS AND SITES TO REMEMBER: you have just switched from that tab to here and you have forgotten all of them already.

LISTS OF IMPORTANT THINGS AND SITES TO REMEMBER: oh, sure, that’s so much better

DECLUTTERING ADVICE: yeah, yeah, whatever, ^W

[goldenblu]

ok i know i said the sanji week day 6 fic was gonna be short but i’m 4k words in and only about halfway through so uhhhhhh i lied

on one hand: this means more future!sanji feels! on the other hand: the probability i finish this before march 2nd ends in my timezone is…unlikely. which i hate bc i really wanted to post it on his birthday hrrrrrrgh why do i do this to myself

(edit: fic has now been posted on AO3)

random excerpt from the fic:

Sanji was thirty when Ichiji appeared on his balcony one day without warning.

“The hell are you doing here?” Sanji asked suspiciously, tensing his leg.

Ichiji held up his hands placatingly. It was not a gesture that Sanji had ever seen from him before, and that was the only thing stopping him from kicking Ichiji out without waiting for an answer.

“I’m not trying to cause any trouble,” Ichiji said. He seemed to be doing his best to appear as non-threatening as possible. “I’m just here to speak with you.”

“Now?” Sanji asked. “After all this time? Why?”

Ichiji hesitated. “Can I come inside first?”

It was a request and not a demand, and that left Sanji wrong-footed enough that he agreed after only a moment’s hesitation. So he let Ichiji inside and then promptly had no idea what to do next. Ichiji looked so out of place in Sanji’s apartment, his raid suit clashing terribly with soft blue colors that Sanji favored. It was not a sight he had ever expected to see.

“I guess you can sit down,” Sanji allowed. “I’ll get you something to drink. Tea? Water?”

Never let it be said that he was rude to guests, even asshole not-brothers.

“Water is fine.” Ichiji sat down on the couch, almost looking awkward.

So Sanji brought over a cup of water and sat across from him, crossing his arms. Ichiji took the cup in his hands and looked down at it, brows knitting together, but didn’t move to drink it. When he continued to say nothing, Sanji snapped, impatient, “So?”

Ichiji startled slightly, like he’d somehow forgotten Sanji was there. “Things are different,” he said, finally taking a sip of his water. “In Germa, I mean.”

“I’m aware.” Sanji frowned at him. “Reiju told me that she’s been in charge and making changes.”

Ichiji nodded. “Things are different,” he said again. There was an edge to his tone now. Sanji couldn’t tell what it meant. “We’re different.”

Sanji paused. Ichiji didn’t specify who we referred to, but Sanji could make a guess. Because he couldn’t deny that Ichiji has been acting oddly this whole time. More uncertain, more vulnerable. More human.

Compared with the last time he saw Ichiji, back during the mess at Whole Cake Island, the difference was obvious, and he didn’t know how to feel about it.

“Okay,” Sanji decided, flipping his cigarette between his fingers. He focused on keeping his voice even, his expression neutral. “You’re different. And now you’re here.”

He did not ask how. He did not ask why.

Ichiji looked a little startled at his easy acceptance of that statement. “I…” He hesitated before lifting his gaze to look Sanji directly in the eyes. “I wanted to apologize to you. I’m sorry for everything that we…that I did to hurt you. It wasn’t right. I didn’t know that then, but I know that now.”

That was something that Sanji had dreamed of hearing for the first eight years of his life. He’d so desperately wanted it, convincing himself that it could happen, that maybe someday his brothers would realize that they were hurting him, that they would care that they were hurting him. And then everything would be magically fixed, because that was how it worked in the fantasies of an eight-year-old, didn’t it?

He was not eight years old anymore. Nothing was magically fixed.

And maybe, despite everything, he and Ichiji were more alike than he thought, because the next thing that Ichiji said was, “I’m not expecting…forgiveness, or anything. I know that it’s thirty years too late. I know that it doesn’t change anything that happened.”

“It doesn’t,” Sanji agreed quietly.

“I really am sorry,” Ichiji said, just as quietly. “You don’t have to believe me. I just wanted to tell you I’m trying to be better.”

Sanji surveyed him, running his eyes up and down his form, and considered it. Ichiji sat hunched over, hands gripping his glass of water tightly. He wasn’t quite meeting Sanji’s eyes anymore, bracing himself for an answer.

Sanji realized what that edge in Ichiji’s voice was. It was guilt.

He sighed and put out his cigarette in the ashtray. Ichiji tensed, and then immediately wiped his expression blank.

“I know,” Sanji finally said. “I know you are.”

Ichiji jolted a bit, jaw dropping open with surprise. Sanji pretended he didn’t see it. Instead, he got up from his seat, gestured at the kitchen, and said, “Are you hungry? I’ll make dinner for us.”

“What?” Ichiji said, pushing his hair out of his eyes. “You’re not going to…?”

He did not seem to know how to finish that sentence.

“No,” Sanji said anyway. “You’re trying. That’s all I ask for.”

I didn’t deserve what you did to me, but none of you deserved what was done to you, either, he thought. So he asked, again, “Well? Are you hungry?”

Ichiji continued to look at him, stunned, before nodding, slow and a bit dazed.

“Good. I’ll make you the best meal you’ve ever had,” Sanji promised. Then, curious but not accusing, he asked, “How come you’re the only one here?”

“I’m just the first,” Ichiji corrected. Then a half-smile tentatively ghosted over his lips, like it wasn’t an expression he was used to. “Duty of the eldest, isn’t it?”

“If it wasn’t before,” Sanji said, “it is now.”

He smiled at his brother and went to start cooking.

[avida-heidia-5]

Thanks muchly for the tag, @kaossbells! That was quite a challenge! I had to think really long and hard about some of these questions. 😮‍💨🥰😘

20 Questions for Fic Writers

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

A measly 5. Yeeeeaaaah…I really need to post more stories more often! 😅 I’m more of an artist these days.

Luckily, I got infected by the writing bug this year thanks to my involvement in the F1 Big Bang fanfic event, so I hope that number will increase significantly this year. 🙏🏻

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 

18,354. Again, hoping for more.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mainly F1. I’m planning on writing more fandoms I have an interest in such as Merlin, Good Omens, Our Flag Means Death, and The Legend Of Zelda. Maaaaaybe some Depeche Mode in the near future as well… 🤔

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 

1) Miracles Happen at the Right Place at the Right Time (F1)

2) As Drunk As A Finnish Brown Bear (F1)

3) Deep Tenebrosity (Merlin)

4) For The Sake Of Nature (F1)

5) My Soul Begs For Your Return (F1)

Yep, that’s all of them! 😅

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! 🥰🥰🥰🥰

For comments in general, oftentimes, I read a fic that’s so god tier that I don’t have any or enough words to express myself. If that happens, I always make sure to leave a comment anyway - descriptive or not - that I hope would make an author’s day. 💖

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably Deep Tenebrosity. It’s a bit open-ended and left to interpretation though as it’s an alternative scene of an episode of Merlin I wasn’t satisfied with. I’m definitely thinking of including some more angst for future fics though. It’s my favourite kind of ending compared to happy ones. Not that I hate happy endings. I love them, don’t get me wrong, I just love sad and angsty endings more.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Miracles Happen. It’s definitely the happiest ending I’ve written so far. The rest of my fics have either normal endings or sad ones.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope! So far, at least.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

It’s not on AO3 (yet!), but I’m working on sneaking some smut into a few chapters of For The Sake Of Nature. 😏 It’s a long way yet though, so don’t get tooo excited. Shan’t spoil… 🤐

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I’ve never written a crossover before. However, I’m thinking of writing a Depeche Mode/IAMX crossover fic at some point. It’s still in the planning stages, so nothing concrete yet. I need to finish all my other WIPs I have stacked up in my hard drive first before I get too ahead of myself! 😵‍💫💫 You know how it is.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

I would really love to pitch an idea to fanfic websites to put a watermark or a copyright filter on your own fanfics, if it’s even possible. Maybe a certificate of authenticity of some kind? I would happily do that to every single one of my fics to prevent dirty thieves from stealing them. Please, make it happen!!!!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

No, as far as I’m aware.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 

No, but I would really love to someday. 🤩

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship? 

If it’s F1 RPF, it’s a toss-up between Simi and Martian. But seeing as we’ve just had Simi day, I’ll go for them. They are just the sweetest pairing. 🥰😘

If it’s any other fandom, that’s a bit harder! I’ll say Blackbonnet from the OFMD fandom for now.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

For The Sake Of Nature, definitely! It’s a veeeeeeeery slooooooooooooooow process. I’ll get it done eventually! Promise! 😬🙏🏻

16. What are your writing strengths? 

I love being adventurous in my vocab when it comes to writing. I’ve read so many books and consumed so many dictionaries when I was very young, so that might have something to do with it. You learn a lot from reading books. From knowing how to structure a sentence, to how dialogue is written and where they’re appropriate to use, to certain language and behavioural ticks from characters, to describing unique locations and objects. It’s very fascinating and they help massively with my writing.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? 

The only thing I struggle with is not so much about the writing side of things, but it’s all about time management. As in making a plan of posting fanfics on certain dates and times and never getting around to doing it because of my usually packed schedule.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? 

I’m lucky to have friends on Discord and Tumblr who speak in their native tongues to help me out if I ever get stuck. I don’t trust the internet, so I rely on them for language authenticity.

19. First fandom you wrote for? 

Merlin!

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? 

Urrrrmmm…I don’t really have one! Though having said that, I enjoyed writing dialogue for Kimi in As Drunk As A Finnish Brown Bear! You can write absolutely anything when you’re writing a drunk Finn! Easiest job in the world! 🤣🤣🤣

I tag @miss-malheur, @msmirrorball21, @formulaes5, @hungriestheidi, @wanderingblindly, and anyone who sees this and wants to participate. Please ignore if you’ve already done this or don’t want to do it, that’s completely fine. 😊

[imadeoutwithmikeywayonwarpedtour]

transcript for the marina toybina interview

if you haven’t seen it already, gerard’s costume designer for the us leg of the tour, marina toybina recently did an interview for the john campea show. i saw some people looking for a transcript and i didn’t see that someone already made one so i did one!

here’s the link, the interview starts around 22:06

transcript under cut :)

INT (Robert Meyer Burnett): Well, now you just finished working with My Chemical Romance, which is a band that I dig. Gerard Way, is also a comic book writer and artist, created the Umbrella Academy.

MARINA TOYBINA: Yeah. 

INT: So first of all: how did you get that job, because there’s a design, there’s a design—the look of that band and what they like to do and what they’re influenced by, they’re not just your typical rock band. So what was it like, how did you get that job? And you designed the whole tour, right?

M: Um, I collaborated with the lead singer, yes, with Gerard. Um, okay. Everything kind of has its place in time.

M: 15 years ago, 15-20 years ago, I was a huge fan. I am a rock girl at heart. Back then, a lot of their music was like, music to my soul. It got me through some of the harder times, a lot of my friends were musicians, and I-I never saw them live, never could afford tickets to their shows, but knew one day that in my heart, I’m like, there probably will be an opportunity one day. They were like my top five favourite bands and he was just already an artist I’ve always wanted to work with. And, this past summer when I was designing So You Think you Can Dance, I just happened to turn on their music—nope, let me rewind, I’m so sorry.

M: So a year ago, I was reading a release that they’re coming back together on tour and they’re playing LA on my birthday. And I look at my team and I was like, I’m gonna be at that show, we’re gonna go to the show, we’re all gonna go together and I just jokingly said I’m like, “I’ll probably dress them.”

M: And a lot of things in my career have happened to manifestation, like I’m a huge believer in that. And I think my intentions were so clear into the universe and I believed in it so much that that happened a year ago, and then this past summer, I was driving to work, I was listening to their music, and I just happened to text my agent and I’m like, you know I really wanna get back into music. It’s what I used to do, I used to do a lot of live performances, I used to do a lot of music videos. I need to feel that again. Even though I’m surrounded by music all the time, and I’m doing all these shows. But there’s some—there was a disconnect in my career where it’s like, I love live entertainment.

M: And she’s like “Who do you want, like are we going after pop stars?” And I’m like no, I’ve done all that. I want to go back to my roots, like I want Incubus or My Chemical Romance—

INT: Nice!

M: Red Hot Chili Peppers, I’m like, get me back to rock and roll. 

M: And she was like, “Well, they’re touring but, let’s just put it out there.” 

M: And then, within two weeks I get an email from her and be like “Hey, their managers want to meet with you, he wants to meet with you.” And one of the biggest things about their aesthetic is—probably one of my top 3 costume designers is Colleen Atwood, [and she] did their Black Parade album, and it was so incredible and I, back then, I was always a step behind. It’s like, they did the Black Parade, and then I met the photographer later, then I worked on a project with him. So it was always like, some better late than never I guess. And I’m like, I’m gonna work with him someday, I love her work, I’ve been told by many people we’re a lot alike, you know? And I’m like, why not.

M: And so, we get this email that he would like to take a meeting, see what we can do. And I never expected to do the tour. I just wanted to open this door of opportunity to just collaborate, maybe do one thing together.

M: And he just showed up in my studio, and it was just, an amazing artistic, like-

INT: Were you starstruck? I mean Gerard Way is like, one of your-

M: I was trying to hold it together! I mean, before they came in, I can’t tell you how much I paced. And usually there’s like, 15-20 people at my studio, and this was the time, the day that I was alone, you know. I didn’t know what to do. And of course, my expectations were just to do like, present myself, and see if I would be a good asset to them, or something, because I love their music. I love what he’s about, and it’s also like, it’s not just the frontman for me. I think he’s a brilliant artist.

M: So there were a lot of things, I just wanted our worlds to merge somehow. And within the first five minutes of a conversation, I’m like “Oh, I get his brain.”

M: And I told him my story, I told him that this is like, 20 years in the making, and probably sound like a crazy fan costume designer. We shared ideas, he kind of walked me through the concepts of things he wants to do on this particular tour. They haven’t started doing the US leg of the tour, I didn’t know if they had a designer, and he did mention Colleen was doing something for him. And I was like, okay, how can this-can this be a triangle? [laughs] Can I come in on the picture?

M: It was just a beautiful collaboration. It was like, a genuine artist to artist conversation. Like. “Let’s do something interesting.” He walked me through his concepts, his ideas. And I’m like. alright, let me come up with some creatives, see if we’re on the same page. Again, as much as I wanted to be like, “Hey, we’re doing this tomorrow.” I also felt like it’s important, now, in my career and possibly in his, to make sure the relationship is good, you know? Like this is the right artistic match to one another. And it worked.

M: From there it was just like, amazing fittings, amazing collaboration, and some iconic things that went viral.

INT: I love hearing this from you, because this is like, the joyous experience when, “Oh my God, I’ve dreamt of working with somebody.” And you finally get to do it. 

INT: But I want to take you back to that, because I’m curious. How would that process even begin?

M: Right.

INT: You’re working with somebody that, you already know their music, you already know his vibe. And Colleen Atwood, who I’ve interviewed on the show by the way, she’s incredible. Our interview, she was in the middle of the work day so it was a short interview. But, how does a collaboration like that work with somebody like Gerard Way? How do you guys start working together? How is that process?

M: It was just like, an initial conversation, you know? I introduced myself, my work. They already did some background, kind of checking out to see where I stand, what my aesthetic was like. And I felt like, in a place in my life right now, in my career, I was able to bring something new. And that’s where my confidence, I think, came from. At the same time, I didn’t want to change the artist that’s in front of me. I think that’s always so important when working with music. You’re dealing with a fanbase and a reputation, an aesthetic approach that’s far beyond any artistic reach of anybody coming in.

INT: Right.

M: So for me it was, you know. Having a conversation, understanding what characters he wanted to bring forward. This was a very playful tour. This wasn’t about dressing up the whole band. This was about him being in this world of iconic characters and, how can we bring this to life, and what can we do that’s very recognizable to his fans, at the same time, a little bit of a shock value, you know.

M: But at the same time, I wanted him to be him. And he was in this beautiful place in his life and career right now, where he felt great, felt confident, and I just wanted to uplift that. We went through the creative decks, went through the conversations, which characters we wanted to go with. These are the shows that he had, I knew which city we kind of wanted to play off, like where was the right time, like Halloween was right around the corner, what do we do. 

M: So it was like, very strategic conversations, but at the same time, room to play and be creative. So I had just gathered the top 10 characters that we had discussed, and kind of started doing my own thing, and keeping him and the music in mind, and had an amazing fitting.

M: And I’ve never worked with an artist that’s so clear. Not just like, directional and very precise and very distinct on his own style, but it was just even clear for me when we were doing fittings that this is somebody that knows his body. This is somebody who knows his aesthetic on stage. This is somebody that knows how they’re going to perform. It just made it so much easier for me to be able to fall into his world. And do the fittings to where: Is this going to come off, is this piece staying on, are we going to do options, you know, is the character going to evolve on stage, is the character going to come down on stage. All those conversations happen in our fittings and then I just packed it all up with distinct notes, and sent them off, and then kept checking in making sure everything was okay, and yeah.

INT: So would you, when you had a direction for the characters, were you doing sketches first?

M: No, not at all! This was something that I kind of felt like, needed to have the research? It wasn’t just about designing something on paper.

INT: Right, okay.

M: When he mentioned to me, “I want to be a vintage cheerleader.” I’m like, okay what era are we in? 50s, 60s, 70s, you know, 40s? And then he was like, “Find me something that’s within, possibly, this color scheme.”

INT: Okay.

M: And for me it was like, the image that went viral when he did wear the cheer uniform. It was probably like 10 different vintage stores that we went to. And I’m like, okay everything’s size zero, or like, what am I gonna do, you know? This stuff doesn’t exist anymore, if I get it from Etsy it’s not gonna come in on time. There was so much.

M: And it happened to be as we were leaving one of the stores I look on the sale rack. And I find this damaged, weird, like, vintage cheer dress that had no zipper, that had no hem, and I was like. I love this. 

M: I love this because I can reconstruct it, I can go and get the fabrics we need to still keep it original and authentic. And that’s how we start working. I build out a dress size, I had a mannequin his size at my studio. Put it on, we reshaped it, took the whole thing apart, reconstructed it to be his measurements, and still kept it authentic.

M: And after he wore it, the pattern I think for the actual thing was sold out.

INT: Wow.

M: His fans loved it so much that we were getting notifications that people actually found the original pattern of this 1940s uniform and were buying it out.

INT: That’s crazy!

M: Oh it’s amazing. I think, to me, it’s like that’s when things are just meant to be. Not only did my work translate into something beautiful on stage, but then he becomes this incredible persona on stage that then delivers the character and plays it off. We did that throughout every single look, every single look went like, became a fan favourite, or crazy yeah.

INT: in terms of time, what was the process when you first got the gig and then to the first show that was performed using your work? What was the time-frame?

M: I think I had about a month to get it all together.

INT: Wow, so that’s not much.

M: At the same time, I had another huge project in the works. So it was going back in forth, but. I could not tell you, like, I’ve had difficult projects in the past. And I’ve had difficult times with artists, you know, finding our own language, how to execute some things. This was so easy, that time didn’t matter to me.

M: It was such a great collaboration and so it flowed, like Bruce Lee would say, like water. It just made sense. No matter how difficult my other project was, or what was going on at the same time, it was like, the universe showing me: this is how it’s supposed to be. This is what’s inspiring me. 

M: And at the end of the day, the one thing I told Gerard, “You made me fall in love with music again. You came into my life as an artist that I’ve admired and wanted to work with for almost 20 years.” And there was a big part of my beginning, that just made me look back at this now and be like oh. That was that feeling that I had when I was 16, 20.

INT: Well that’s amazing. Congratulations on that. 

M: Thank you.

INT: What an exciting project! That you did so quickly.

M: Yeah, it was amazing.

[aurrorraaaa]

Cooking lesson!

Teaching Sukuna to cook was like teaching a phoenix to fold origami—chaotic, unpredictable, and occasionally prone to bursts into flames. Yet, you couldn't resist the temptation when one lazy afternoon, you found yourself with a curious and determined gleam in your eye and Sukuna lounging on the couch, looking far too amused by your sudden burst of determination.

"You're serious about this?" Sukuna raised an eyebrow, his crimson eyes twinkling with amusement.

"Absolutely," you replied with a grin, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the kitchen. "Every adult should know how to cook."

Sukuna chuckled as he followed you reluctantly. "And here I thought my reputation as the King of Curses would excuse me from doing day-to-day tasks."

You rolled your eyes playfully. "I can’t be spoiling you everyday!"

Once in the kitchen, you gathered ingredients for a simple dish—stir-fry noodles. Sukuna watched with curiosity as you explained each step, though you could see his attention wandering, likely thinking about the easiest way to summon a meal without lifting a finger, I mean honestly, he could do anything without lifting a finger.

"Pay attention," you scolded gently, nudging him with your elbow. "This will be useful someday."

He sighed dramatically. "Fine, fine. Show me again how you chopped those vegetables."

With careful patience, you guided Sukuna through the process, demonstrating knife techniques and stressing the importance of not turning the stove to inferno-level temperatures. Miraculously, the vegetables were chopped without incident, though Sukuna did manage to accidentally shred a few into pieces so small they practically disappeared…

Next came the cooking part. You showed Sukuna how to heat the pan, add oil, and toss in the vegetables. He mimicked your movements, adding a touch of elegance and a few unnecessary twirls that almost set his sleeves on fire.

"Just keep it simple kuna!” you advised, stifling a giggle.

Sukuna grumbled but focused, stirring the vegetables in the pan as they sizzled and filled the kitchen with delicious aromas. Encouraged by his progress, you moved on to the noodles, showing him how to boil them until tender.

As you drained the noodles, Sukuna turned his attention back to the pan of vegetables, adding soy sauce and other seasonings with a twist that would have made a master chef cringe. You held your breath, waiting for disaster to strike.

To your surprise and relief, Sukuna managed not to burn the dish to a crisp. In fact, when he plated the stir-fry noodles, they looked... edible.

"You did it baby!" you exclaimed, genuinely impressed.

Sukuna smirked proudly, crossing his arms. "Of course. I told you I'm a fast learner."

You chuckled, giving him a playful nudge. "Yeah, after only three near disasters."

He scoffed, but there was a hint of pride in his eyes. "I guess you're not such a bad teacher."

With a satisfied grin, you served the noodles onto plates and sat down together at the table. The first bite was surprisingly delicious—savory, perfectly seasoned, and not a hint of accidental curses mixed in.

"This is actually good," you admitted, genuinely impressed.

Sukuna smirked, leaning back in his chair. "I told you I could handle it."

As you both enjoyed the meal, the kitchen remained surprisingly unscracted, except for a minor incident involving a flying spatula and a near miss with a fierce flame that burnt the recipe book. Yet, even with all the chaos, you couldn't deny the satisfaction of witnessing Sukuna's accomplishment—and maybe, just maybe, you could take this to your advantage whenever your sick! He’d be your little maid!!

Part 2-ish here >.<

Sorry I haven’t posted guysss I’ve been busy BUTTTT I’ve also been working on some stories I have like 10 million drafts🤗🤗 I’ll probably finish some and post them later today :3

[the-fiction-witch]

Comfortable

Media The Queens Gambit

Character Benny Watts

Couple Benny X Reader

Rating Sweet af

Concept Moving in

I sighed as I dropped the last box of my things on the basement floor having carted the boxes down from the back of the beetle. We were moving in together and I was so so happy! After all this time Benny and I would finally be living together. I was a little worried, questioning mostly where all my stuff was going to go in his apartment but I'm sure we'll figure it out. 

"All done?" He asks finishing up brewing us a cup of coffee each, still in his shoes from the drive to pick up my stuff earlier his blue jeans, belt, his black t shirt and then his green button down half undone and the sleaves rolled to his elbows

"Yep now it's the unpacking step"

"Well we have plenty of time" he says handing over my coffee and sipping his own "and we'll get a pizza for dinner tonight okay?"

"sounds lovely benny" I smiled nuzzling on his shoulder

"Ummmm. I don't have to savor the cuddles anymore? You'll be here for cuddles all the time now"

"I will. Same bed. Same bath. Same space. You're sure I won't get in your way?"

'of course not. It's your space as much as it is mine. I've wanted you to move in for months" he reassured "I'll give you a hand unpacking make it all go a bit quicker"

"Your sure? I don't mind if you wanna play?"

"I'll help. I have ages to practice. Your only going to move in once" he says giving my lips a sweet kiss 

"Unless we move? Which I hope we do someday benny,"

"Of course we will but we'll be moving together" he Cooes 

"Your so cuddly and cute today" I smiled starting to work on my boxes and he he began to help out too 

"I'm not allowed to be excited about you moving in with me?"

"I know" I smiled giving his cheek a kiss as I took my mugs to the kitchen

"Ooohh mugs no more paper cups"

"No more paper cups"

"My life is going to be so improved you living here"

"I probably should have asked actually benny have you ever lived with a girl before?" 

"No."

"Really never?"

"No, grew up with my uncle. The only girls he had around stayed the night and no longer. Uhhhh Beth kinda lived here a while? I guess? But that's it"

"Just curious is all, I guess some things will be kinda new to you then"

"Like what? We've been dating for three years? I'm sure I've seen everything" 

"...... Maybe" I giggled knowing full well whenever I did stay here he did not! See me. Real me. Didn't happen. He saw relaxed like level 4 maybe five. Not like relaxed level ten twelve where I'm comfortable enough to eat pizza in my track team sweatshirt while handwashing my period panties. "You'll learn"

"I'm sure I will. Now I shall take my ladies pillow and settle it into its now permanent spot on my bed" he says taking my pillows towards the bedroom "ah- no our bed"

"Adorable benny, take my teddy too"

"Already got him buttercup"

"Thank you!" 

It was a slow process of pulling items out and finding places for them to now permanently live, some stuff was easy like my shampoo, my pillow my jacket as these had there usually places in Benny's apartment long before us moving in together, and some things like my clothes my towels my mugs where easy too as benny had made the space for my stuff. Other things took a little while longer to find places for and something's honestly were just hilarious.

"Uuuuuuuhhh…. Tubes?" Benny asks as he was unpacking the bathroom box for me I glanced over from where I had been sorting my books and saw him looking very perplexed holding the small paper tubes "where uhhh where do these go? And what are they?"

"Uuuuuuuhhh" I giggled

"They look like those little ice cream bars in the paper packets like choc ices"

"They are…. Lady things"

"Lady things?"

"Benny… there tampons"

"Oh? What are they for?"

"Periods."

"What do you mean for periods?"

"Okay you understand what a period is right benny?"

"Yeah it's a week out of the month you get really mad at me and just wanna be cuddled"

"They are what go up my lady place to soak all the blood up so I don't bleed everywhere"

"Ahhh!" He yelled dropping them 

"Relax there all packaged there clean and sanitary" I laughed

"They go up your…"

"Yep should think you'd understand things going up my lady place it's usually your erection" I giggled

"Is there a difference between the blue ribbon ones and the red ribbon ones?" He asks 

"Yes. What do you think it is?"

"Uuuughh? Are they coloured?"

"No"

"Textured?"

"No"

"...flavored?"

"Flavored?" I giggled 

"Strawberry? And blueberry?" He asks 

"Blue is regular, red is extra"

"... It changes size? It usually feels the same when I'm in it?"

"The amount of blood benny"

"Oohhhh that makes more sense. Where do they go?"

"Where do you think they go?" I smiled

".... Well you wake up on your period. And I assume you have to put one in so… bedroom? Maybe on your vanity? Like with your deodorant?"

"You know I'm not even mad that's not a bad guess benny. Bathroom please close to the toilet they should have a little wicker box they go in"

"Oohh I wasn't meant to take them out of that"

"No"

"I see. I will put them in the box and… box on top of the toilet?"

"Perfect" I smiled

"This seems like alot thought. How many do you get thought?" 

"Uhhh change every three hours for however many days I'm bleeding"

"Fuck! You Need a bigger box" 

"It's fine when I use some I buy more"

"Well when you need more put them on the list"

"I will" I giggled

"I have another question actually?"

,"Yes?"

"Why do you have so many towels? There's like six?"

"How many towels did you own?"

"Three. My towel, your towel, kitchen towel" 

"Hand towel, hair towel, bath towel, plus spares for laundry" 

"Oh? You need that many?”

“Yes I do.”

“If you say so buttercup” he shrugs 

“How about working on the bedroom box benny? Okay I’ll do the bathroom one in a sec”

“Okay” he nods starting on a different box “Hu? Uughhhhh y/n?”

“Yes benny?”

“Uuuummmmm…. Alien tool?” He asks showing one of my hair curling tools 

“Hair curler Benny”

“Oh? Okay” He nods “Ohh is this the like wavy one?”

“Yes it is”

“Ohh okay, makes sense I guess” He sughs moving on though the box “Ughhhh y/n?”

“Yes benny?” I giggled

“Battery something? It has like texture head things? Is it for like the kitchen tender the meats?”

“Thats a sex toy benny”

“Oooh!” he yelped dropping it 

“Its clean.”

“I know but still… sex toy. Okay. how does? Ohhh it goes on the clit?”

“Yes it does” i giggled 

“Cool” he shrugs “SO box under the bed”

“Yes please”

“Alright, Hu? A magic wand? That plugs into the wall? Is- is this s sex toy?” he asks moving on to the next item 

“That’s another hair curler benny”

“Ohh? Oohh you like loop it round I’m guessing”

“Yes”

“I see, Uuughhhh I’m going to guess…. Some type of sex toy? For a horrifying act?” he says holding an item that made me giggle 

“No, benny no” I laughed 

“What is it then?”

I got up took it from him grabbed one of my taller knee high boots from the porch and slipped the stretcher inside each boot “They keep my boots nice and stiff so they don’t flop over and get all creased”

“Ooohhh…”

“See”

“That does make sense” he nods “I do not understand women products”

“Sorry”

“Its fine buttercup I need to learn”

“I guess its just kinda embarrassing having to explain everything,”

“Sorry buttercup, but you don’t need to be embarrassed about telling me these things, from now on we’re going to live together I need to know all the lady products”

“I know … its just kinda weird maybe we should hold off for a while”

“y/n, this is a big step for both of us. We’ve both lived on our own for a long time. It's going to take some getting used to us actually living together. I'm sure the’ll be lots of embarrassment and weird explanations while we get comfortable with each other”

“I know but I’m kinda realizing I’m weird and kinda gross”

“Y/n were all weird and kinda gross, everyone does weird kinda strange stuff when there alone. You know what I did last night? As my last night before you move in with me?”

“No”

“I sat in my chair licking honey off my hand for like an hour”

“Really?”

“Yeah I didn’t want to dirty a dish so I poured it on my hand, let it semi harden and then licked it off. Like a bear. And I do that alot. Then! You know what I did, My nose itches and both my hands where sticky, so i tried to itch my nose with my toe. And It worked!” 

I couldn't stop my giggles

“See, weird, gross and very hard and embarrassing to explain. But I love you. Your my girlfriend and I want us to live together your the only person in the world who I’m happy to know that I eat honey off my hands. You're my buttercup you get to know everything, even the weird shit.”

“You mean it?”

“Course I do. I know we're not that comfortable together yet but we’ll get used to it as time goes on,” He cooes giving me a tight cuddle “Hey? We’re going to really experience each other from now on, I mean the showers in the living room we can’t hide anything from each other”

“True.”

“You're happy to move in then?”

“I am, very much. It’ll be nice to really ‘know’ each other.”

“It will” he cooes giving my lips a sweet kiss “I love you”

“I love you too” I smiled nuzzling into his chest 

“Come on lets get you unpacked so we can get pizza and eat in our underwear” 

“That sounds lovely” 

[sommerregenjuniluft]

20 asks for fic writers

thank u @plecotusauritus, @kaaaaaaarf, @pinkthekla & @kaleidoscopexsighs for tagging me🥹<3 ily all

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

four but we only talk about three of those😌🤘🏼

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

about 13.8k words (i have no idea where to look this up i typed it into my phone calculator lmao)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

on my ao3 marauders, in the Docs marauders, haikyuu, atla and on Wattp*d🤬 young royals & shera lol (i was like 15 years old ok)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

🤓 my number 1 though is Always Pushing her Luck with a stellar one hundret and ten because yall are some sluts for a good lesbian smut fic

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yes!! i love interacting with people on art no matter if it’s theirs or mine<3

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

hmm i think Teeth actually? not really angsty but maybe it kind of makes you go 😬😳 or WAIT maybe my very first jeg microfic thing, the Stag one yknow.. where James is dead😁

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

again, from my ao3 one’s probably Ribs but microfics probably just all the fluffy ones, i’m looking at the cookie baking one here esp, also Walk and Carry

8. Do you get hate on fics?

nope! but i was lowkey concerned for the new non-con fic jdkskd But so far so good hahah

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

why yes i do. mm mostly the unhinged kind in some way hdksks but ig the lesbian wolfstar one is very tender too<3

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

not crossovers per se but we love a good AU of another fandom universe, my marauders Maze Runner Au is very dear to me, we’ll see if she ever sees the light of the day

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge no

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nopesie

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no but! i will have to kick @pinkthekla cass and me in the ass to make it happen someday because the world deserves to see one james potter horny and humbled

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

this changes all the time honestly and they’re all very very close to each other but i’m gonna have to say iwaoi on top because their chemistry is just unmatched and something i hold so close to my heart, they just mean a lot of comfort to me! so thats prob why

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

hm, i mean i’m only 20 i have all the time in the world. but perhaps that one barty in a maids dress smut one shot? not sure i’ll come back to that one again but who knows!

16. What are your writing strengths?

i think i can do a dialogue quite good but it’s hard for me to get into a zone or scenario where it comes to that naturally, but whenever it does happen? i’m super happy and proud of the result (that’s why i like my hitmen jegulus microfic so much)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

probably that i’m not really good at creating a storyline/plot djskks that’s something that does Not come easily to me and probably one of the only reasons i havent really finished any of my big fics or even their first chapters. If i have a plan/ a prompt or something in general i can orientate myself off of it flows super easily (all the microfics and Ant Pile) but coming up with something of my own is very hard and i often feel kinda bad about it too :,))

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

would love to, i have some smol things planned for mira mi amor that i will probably go and bother @appreciatedmoron bea about as well as my two irl bsfs since they’re quite good at spanish but besides that i’d only really trust myself with german since thats my first language

19. First fandom you wrote for?

actually shera i think

20. Favorite fic you've written?

i really love Ant Pile atm but from my published one’s i couldnt really choose actually djsksk i really like the metaphors and visuals i came up with in Ribs though <3

np tagging: @rottin6, @maliceofminds, @strezzlecki aand idk anyone that sees this and hasn’t been tagged yet!! (i see yall liking these i Will bully u in the dms)

[dharmasharks]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💖

😘😘😘

Hi hi Tej and thank you for the inbox delight 💜💜

I'm in a weird writing headspace right now, which means it's probably the right time to reflect and be nice to myself. But it's haaaaard, wah. Well, here we go in no particular order:

You are here (cacw; canon-compliant)

20,000 words on why oh why Bucky hides from Steve, why Steve is such a big meanie to him all movie, and making them talk and hug about it. (Among other things.) I kind of wish I could replicate how it felt to write this one. I was just having a lot of fun with absolutely no plan, pressure, or expectations for myself.

Head in the sky (canon-divergent Cold War shrinkyclinks)

Everything on this list is self-indulgent but, whew, this really made (1) me happy. Featuring: a determined bossy Steve, a lost yet competent little soldier, and the both of them against a world, babey. Held together with a big helping of mutual protectiveness and devotion, naturally.

The more things change (WWII, post-bar scene)

I wrote this a while ago now, but there's something about the tightness of the story/plot that still makes me happy on rereads.

And you, you must’ve been looking for me (post-canon Brooklyn boys)

Maybe someday I’ll finish a long fic, but until then I’m much more confident in getting an idea across with as few words as I can get away with. There are not a lot of words in this one, but I like the ones I picked and they all work pretty hard, I think. Also I clearly need to put this on ao3 because it took forever to find what even is a tumblr blog.

Till there were no more wolves in the West (western + historical AU)

Speaking of longer fics I'd sure like to finish... What can I say, it's my most favorite of the bunch. Probably because it is so very specific to my interests in hyper-competent battle boyfriends, doomed promises, feeling unworthy of love (and being proven wrong), and also American myths and misremembered history. I first-drafted the epilogue last week and I'm feeling a little misty eyed about it.

Okay, that was way too much talking about myself, eek 🙈. But thank you lovely Tej, hope you have a fab weekend ahead of you 😘