#I promise I am doing better now being an adult is awesome

[bowtiepastabitch]

On Religious Trauma

I grew up in a high control religion, and on a fundamental level, I can see myself in both Crowley and Aziraphale, ESPECIALLY at the end of season two. Let me explain. (TW for religious abuse)

Within the church I grew up in, there was a very strong expectation that you build your identity exclusively within your religion; that you see Christ as the only source of good in yourself. It's one of the things that made coming to terms with my queerness and transness so intensely complicated. I had built my entire self image on being a good perfect Christian. Even after being forced from the closet at 16, I clung desperately to that identity because it was all I'd had my entire childhood. Even in the face of direct abuse pulled straight from that belief, I still couldn't let go of the only 'good' I'd ever seen in myself. I thought I could change my dad's mind if I could just prove that I was a good Christian and prove that the Bible didn't justify his hate. He didn't listen.

It took another year and a half for me to separate myself completely from Christianity. I'd been questioning my faith since 14 and it was an enormous source of guilt and shame, so letting go of that was a long healing process. The people I grew up with now go to religious unis and volunteer at the summer camps we went to as kids. It's surreal every time it comes up on my insta, and I feel like I'm the one who escaped, who saw through the sham to what was really going on. More than that, I know in my heart that my family (father aside) are also victims in their own right. I grew up watching my mother struggle, and I watch my younger sisters grow up wrestling with these same ideas. Perhaps even more strongly, having watched my fall from grace. But I can't DO anything, because I can see the fear in my mom's eyes when I reminder her why I'm not comfortable going to church with her; she was raised, just as I was, in desperate fear of seeing the damnation of those you love. She's terrified of being responsible for my eternal torture in hell. So we don't talk about it at all, because it hurts both of us.

I remember the overwhelming pressure to evangelize and convert, even as a literal child, because it was our responsibility to save them from hell. Aziraphale isn't CHOOSING angel Crowley over the one in front of him. He still hopes he can save the one person he loves more than anything in the universe. I've been there. It fucking hurts. But now I'm here, and that hurts too. Because I can see the people I love looking at me the same way and I have to say no.

Aziraphale never had a choice. Even in the face of cruelty, he sees heaven as the good in himself. It's the only identity he has. And he's scared out of his mind.

[cutesharkstudios]

Owl House Group Chat 2

(Hexsquad) 11:07 Willow has entered

Willow: I AM SO SORRY I'M LATE! THAT TOOK WAY LONGER THAN I THOUGHT!

Willow: Hello?

Amity has entered

Amity: Hey Willow. No worries

Willow: Yes worries! I promised I would be off at 10 and lost track of time

Amity: It's cool, this is suppossed to be a casual thing.

Willow: Ok. Side note, what did y'all do when I was gone?

Amity: Scroll up.

Willow: Oh my

Amity: I AM GETTING HER OTTER PLUSHIES YOU SICK MINDED INDIVIDUAL!!!!!!

Willow: Ok, ok

Hunter has entered

Hunter: Hi Willow

Willow: Hi Honey

Hunter: 0//0

Amity: Cute

Willow: HUNTER I MEAN! SPELLCHECK! SORRY!

Hunter: I like that name.

Willow: Really?

Hunter: I think it's cute, like you

Willow: 0//0

Amity: oh my

Willow: Yeah I deserve that

Darius has entered

Darius: My Hunter senses were tingling

Amity: Uncle Darius?!?!

Willow: Uncle?

Amity: He babysat me a ton as a kid. He and dad claimed they hated each other, but they didn't, and he helped dad take care of me.

Darius: Speaking of him, I need some advice.

Amity: Sure

Darius: Could we do this in a seperate chat with you, me, and the twins? I'll hext you the link

Amity: sure, see ya guys

Hunter: have fun

Willow: bye

(DariusAndBlightKids)

Darius: Amity will check in soon

Amity: Hey

Ed: Hi Amity

Em: Hey Ams

Amity: So what's going on?

Ed: Darius needs our help with something wonder what

Darius: And this doesn't leave this chat, ok?

Amity: 100%

Ed: got it

Darius: Em?

Em: Sorry, had to turn off the oven for dinner. Your secret is our secret

Amity: What ya making?

Em: Centaur roast and carrots

Amity: Thanks

Darius: Okay here it goes

Darius: I want to propose to Alador

Amity: WHAT

Ed: Really?

Em: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Darius: I've drawn up the plan and will send them soon.

Amity: OMG, Darius, this is awesome.

Darius: Thanks Amity, I hope it goes well. We've really grown over the 4 years of dating, and I hope I can be a good parental figure to you and the twins

Em: You really mean it?

Darius: Yeah, I've always wanted to be a dad, and now I have the opportunity. I hope I do well.

Amity: Well you can't do any worse than you-know-who

Darius: Thanks for the support, though she didn't set a high bar

Em: She set the bar at all?

Darius: Touche

Ed: And hopefully we will be good kids. I know we're adults, so it's probably not what you imagined being a dad would be like, but we promise to be good.

Em: And we'll continue to be good siblings as well. Side note, Amity?

Amity: Yes?

Em: Now that we are at a slower time in our lives, I want to ask, are we good?

Amity: Yes, why do ask?

Ed: Well, we teased you a lot in our youth. We never meant any harm, but we realise we may have been, as much as I hate to admit it, mean to you.

Em: That was never our intention, and we're sorry if we crossed any lines

Amity: Well, the only real line crossed was with the diary and Luz. But given how much of a jerk I was back then, I kind of had it coming.

Darius: I'm just as guilty. I crossed my share of lines in my past that Alador only told me about AFTER we started dating. Oof, not my finest moments

Em: Well what happened happened. We can't change the past, but we can make a better future.

Darius: Anyways, here's the plan…….

(MEANWHILE)

Room Created: OldWitches

11:13

Raine has entered Eda has entered Lilith has entered

Eda: Today's the day! Today's the day! Today's the day! Today's the day! Today's the day! Today's the day!

Lilith: Whoa, sister, calm down, what's the occasion?

Eda: After so long of trying to get an appointment, Raine's getting their sigil removing treatment!

Lilith: Awesome. I had mine yesterday, and I gave my sigil a certain gesture before it went away.

Eda: That's my sister. So, Rainestorm, what new magic do you want to try first?

Raine: You're not going to belive this but, of all types, illusions

Eda: I take it you saw that article I sent of Goops moping the floor with Adrian?

Raine: Yep, I had no idea you could tell when someone was hiding behind and illusion. We laughed at Adrian all dang afternoon post incedent.

Lilith: I would have paid SO many snails to see that

Raine: I got the whole thing on my scroll. And backed it up on three of my personal devices.

Eda: Whatever happened to him and the other defect coven leaders?

Lilith: Trying to find them, but so far no activity.

Raine: They should be dormant for now, but the hunt is still on.

Eda: Check out this news article I found. [link]

Raine: What is it?

Lilith: It better not be one of THOSE websites again.

Eda: You'll see

4:20

Raine: EDA!

Eda: Yes?

Raine: Why did you not tell me about this wonderful thing called fanfiction? I don't even know who wrote this but, God, they have excellent potential.

Lilith: I think I know who wrote it

Raine: Who is the author?

Lilith: If you scroll all the way up, you'll see the author is AzuraFanOtter, take a wild witch guess who that is

Raine: Well no wonder Luz is getting A's in her writing classes, this is wonderful

Eda: And fitting 20 characters in one scene while giving them all ample screen time is tricky, but she made it work.

Lilith: Maybe she should write her own book. The money made from that could benefit her greatly in the future.

Eda: Indeed, though she'll probably be fine when she marries Boots, cause all the Blights are LOADED.

Lilith: Now now, keep in mind, there is a change things don't work out for them. It's not like they were made with the other in mind.

Eda: …

Raine: …

Eda: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Raine: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lilith: What? I'm serious.

Raine: We know, but I'll eat griffon feathers if they don't work out.

Eda: OH SHOOT! RAINE! THE TIME!

RAINE: GAH! MY TREATMENT'S IN 10! THE NEXT TIME SLOT IS A WEEK FROM NOW SO I GOTTA GO!

Raine has left

Lilith: Well, I promised Darius I'd help with a "surprise" for Alador.

Eda: Cool, have fun.

Lilith: Thank you for not making an innappropriate joke for that.

Eda: Yeah, sorry about last week's prank, didn't think it go over as bad as it did.

Lilith: No no, I should have just taken the joke.

Eda has left

Lilith has left

[hb-writes]

Suits Writing Prompt List (S1E1 - S1E5)

With Suits now available on Netflix, I've been re-watching so here's a list of lines from the show to use as prompts for your writing (for any fandom).

"You just have to formally ask. Then, after that, why don't you formally ask Santa Claus to bring you a pony because I'm not leaving [them]."

"Truth is, I do it for the children."

"That's why I love you...you get me."

"Look, I'm just trying to ditch the cops, okay? I don't care if you let me in or not."

"What? I like to read."

"Good. You've hit on me. We can get it out of the way that I am not interested."

"You know what nobody likes? Nobody likes a showoff."

"You put your interests above mine and I'm just putting mine back up next to yours."

"I'd explain it to you, but then I'd have to care about you."

"Marry me?" "Took care of that, too. We've been married for the last seven years."

"For the record, I am not selfish everywhere."

"I failed...to not be awesome."

"I'm glad to see staying up all night doesn't make you act like a complete idiot."

"I'm not an idiot. Don't treat me like one."

"Promise me now that the only way you'll leave is if they rip you out."

"Tell me what happened right now...I'm the guy you tell."

"I don't know if I'm ready to forgive you or not, but I do know we're even."

"Maybe it's time I started trusting somebody else."

"Would you admit it? You care about me."

"I wouldn't move your things into Wayne Manor just yet."

"That’s the adult table in there and you haven’t earned the privilege yet."

"You keep talking and I’m going to start billing you. And my time runs $1,000 an hour."

"I know I just posed that as a question, but I really didn't mean it that way."

"If you're gonna screw me, I guess it's only fair that you call me by name.

"You smell papery."

"Your face is red. It looks like you've been in the sun."

"Look at me...look at me."

"We talked about this, right? Barging into my office..."

"He put a gun to your head and made you smoke pot."

"Do we need to have a conversation about how you keep interrupting me?"

“He’s just a kid. Are you trying to steal his soul before he hits puberty?”

“I’m emotionally attached to me.”

“I’m not the topic of this conversation.”

“Get it through your head. First impressions last.”

“That kid is an anchor. You need to cut him loose.”

“Gloating’s fine. You just have to not suck at it.”

“Wow. Have you ever considered writing for Hallmark?”

“I’d be happy to tell you if you put that wrench down.”

“You trying to look like me?”

“That’s one thing you definitely get…how to ruin it.”

"Who doesn't like me?"

"Who's picking on you now?"

"We had a deal that you were going to stay out of it."

"Mm...you need me to class you up a bit."

"Sorry I didn't have the courage to tell you then."

"We're married. It's a long story."

"Emotion is fine but you better have some cold hard facts to back it up."

"I'm just here to watch. I love spectator sports."

"How am I doing for my first time?"

"Tell me that wasn't worth missing your lunch hour for."

“You don’t know the lyrics, do you?”

“So what is this a new cologne or just a hint of jealousy?”

“I didn’t know who else to call.”

“You’re the one person I knew would show up.”

“Why the rush now? You’ve already wasted 10 minutes of my life.”

“If she asks any questions just nod your head and look pretty.”

“Please don’t make me set fire to your desk.”

“You don’t send a puppy to clean up its own mess.”

“You are so beautiful when you’re forceful.”

“I don’t appreciate limitations being placed on my beauty.”

“I’m not some token you win at a fair.”

“Where are we?” “Uh…I think we’re in Hoboken.”

“I refuse to answer that on the grounds that I don’t want to.”

“He is an anchor dragging you down. Get rid of him.”

“Just because you think I’m blowing something off doesn’t mean I am.”

“What color was the light?”

“Don’t say anything. I’ve got a reputation to maintain.”

“Tell me what the hell’s going on.”

[edwinspaynes]

promised myself i was going to do this high for humor value and to be edgy. and now that i am high, i will be doing it. thank you to @thevagabondexpress and @imabitchforjemcarstairs for telling me to go for it.

WHAT I THINK OF EACH BETTER IN BLACK COUPLE, IN THE ORDER THEY APPEARED ON THE ROSTER.

Wessa -> EXCITEMENT LEVEL 9/10. i always want to see more of these two and am curious about what they may do in paris. i'm picky with wessa content and very finicky with it, but i am currently cautiously optimistic about liking the story. if i do i think i will be a bit more satisfied with wessa's canon storyline/content as i want to see them in an established relationship. i'm so interested in what the little crystal ball/snowglobe on the cover means and kinda hope they get into some magical mayhem.

Clace -> EXCITEMENT LEVEL 7.5/10. I like Clace and they give me nostalgic feelings, so it will be fun to catch up with them. They're not, like, an all-time favorite ship, but I like them together and am curious what theyre like as an adult couple.

Arianna -> EXCITEMENT LEVEL 9/10. I'll admit that this ship is one i have some complicated feelings about, but i like them a lot anyway. they're one of the most interesting/compelling dynamics in the TSC canon to me even if i don't think they're thomastairherondaisy-like soulmates. i think that this story is a good choice because their story feels unfinished, and to properly conclude their storyline we need to see them have some conversations and make some compromises. i'm really rooting for them and am excited to see how their relationship works/changes.

Herondaisy -> EXCITEMENT LEVEL 1000/10. i mean, it's herondaisy. Did you really expect anything less? i'm pumped because i want to see them domestically after they acknowledge that they're married and in love. there's going to be a 2nd wedding rune scene, which is awesome and im hyped, but i also think we're probably gonna get some honeymoon adventure content of both of them and i am even MORE excited for that. i like how cordelia is running and james is reachng after her on the cover like "i love my wife she's so adventurous but come baaack. wait for meee." and YES??? good god. this one is going to be so good. and im so curious what the pomegranates are??? yeah??? i think something about being invincible because of persian myth. maybe it's because they're soulmates. an unstoppable duo. i'm gushing lol @angeldaisies @hanelizabeth. i need to stop but this will definitely happen again when i get to the thomastair story.

Sebastian and SQ -> EXCITEMENT LEVEL 8.5/10. okay i KNOW this one's controversial, and i get why one might be upset if their favourite ship did not make the cut. but like. okay. i am SO excited for this story. this is going to be DARK. this is going to be TWISTY. this is going to be the dark horse of the bunch, fundamentally fucked up and horrifying. doomed by the narrative. i'm so excited that this story is there because it's going to be so tonally unique. i think cassie wanted to write something truly fucked up, i think she has the talent to pull it off perfectly, and i am fucking pumped.

Jemma -> EXCITEMENT LEVEL 2/10 for the setting. it'll be cool seeing another institute while they're on their travel year. but otherwise i'm not vibing. i expected it fully though so it's fine, this is the only one in the set i'm considering a throwaway for me that i will for sure dislike. But that's okay! because next up is...

Thomastair -> EXCITEMENT LEVEL 1000/10. guys. look. these are the people whose love i am myself in love with. these are the people that make me believe in hope, and healing, and the power of getting better together and doing better. and we havent seen them in a lot of established relationship, so im glad to do so here. AND IN A ROMCOM. YES. and we're definitely getting content of them playing with zachary. which is like, a dream come true for me since a) i adore that kind of story, and b) zachary is such an important part of alastairs arc. i also think they're going to babysit him and everything that can go wrong will. he's lost! he's rolling away! ahhh! oh it's going to be great. like the herondaisy story this is definitely going to be beloved by me. there's no way to make me not like it. this is going to be one of my comfort stories for the rest of my life, i can tell. like nbs or cls or eet or the herondaisy story or the matthew novella. the thomastair story goes into this special and exclusive category. but yea im gushing again because they're soulmates and i love them <333

Kierarktina -> EXCITEMENT LEVEL 6/10. Yes, i am not really a kierarktina fan, but hear me out. I find their relationship interesting, and they have a lot of things that really don't work. but I think a story where they begin to unpack these differences would be astounding. Also sue me i'm interested in the horse on the cover, much like Ken in the barbie movie.

Sizzy -> EXCITEMENT LEVEL 7.5/10. another ship that while not an all-time favourite is nostalgic and beloved by me. and we've barely seen them at all since TMI, so it will be great to know what they're up to.

Lukelyn -> EXCITEMENT LEVEL 6.5/10. do i care about this couple? no. i don't dislike them, but i'm meh on them. BUT i LOVE the circle, and it said that it took place in the past. we might get another circle story! But also... i want to see Ragnor and think he might appear here??

THANK YOU!

[dangermousie]

All the interesting cdramas rumored to come out before the end of the year

I have seen all these rumored. This being c-ent, they can all air or none, but I hope at least some of them make it.

Back from the Brink - rumored for Q4 for this year. I loved every adaptation of this author’s novels and the plot sounds amazing. Plus, very fond of Zhou Ye, so pls.

Chong Zi - Journey of Flower for the new decade. Jeremy Tsui is hot, I adore Yang Chaoye however unpopular that opinion is, and the angsty shizunfucker set up is up my alley. It’s got its license but most of the rumors I’ve seen say early next year so probably not this year alas.

Da Ming Under the Microscope - got its license, rumored for 2022, all hail the one interesting non-romance costume drama on this list!

Divine Destiny - Angelababy plays a stone. Yes, yes, I can make the same jokes. The trailer is kinda cheesy and cheap-looking but I have an unaccountable fondness for both Baby and her leading man Ma Tianyu, who should be more popular than he is, so here is hoping.

Forbidden Love - all sorts of rumors are saying beginning of November, they got their license and have been releasing some promos, so I think this has a decent chance. It would also make sense to release it ASAP to take advantage of Dylan’s newfound red hot status but I am not a studio boss so what do I know?

Legend of Anle - got its license, released a trailer and is rumored for end of year. I’d say decent chance, but then some dramas have that same trifecta of things and we are still waiting for them so...but please?

The Longest Promise - bwahahaha Xiao Zhan dramas always take an eternity to air. It was rumored to be a summer drama and now we are in October and it still doesn’t have a license. I wouldn’t hold my breath. Also, I am amused how it and Chong Zi are both story AND poster twins.

Love When the Stars Fall - I still remember when it was listed as one of the summer dramas so I am vvvvvv. skeptical especially if rumors of them wanting a TV license is true. Trailer is so so but I am very fond of Chen Xing Xu who deserves better dramas.

New Life Begins - got its license, released a trailer blah blah has all the hallmarks of being released soon, too bad I hated the trailer so. Also, what is the chicken fixation?

Romance of a Twin Flower - I’ve seen that rumor and I wish I hadn’t because everything I’ve seen of this drama makes it a pastel abomination turning my favorite non-danmei - smart and dark and very much adult - web novel into a cheap, dumb piece of trash. I am much more interested in the other DYX drama - Love You Seven Times - but no rumors for that.

Song of the Moon - I still remember when it was rumored for January 2022. Now it’s being rumored again, though this time it definitely has a license. We shall see.

Till the End of the Moon - just got its license, rumored for December. PLEASEEEEEE! It’s my most anticipated on this list.

Warm on a Cold Night - that poster and the plot both give me hives and LYT alternates between awesome dramas and terrible ones - but here is hoping. It just got its license.

ETA: I take it back about that poster. After pulling a poster after poster of identical couple poses, this looks downright refreshing.

BONUS AKA DRAMAS I AM NOT INTERESTED IN

She and Her Perfect Husband and Lighter and Princess are both rumored for October 28. The former looks like brain dead fluff and the latter the same with added bonus of leading lady still only possessing one emotion on her face - like smelling something rotten - same as in Fall in Love.

I’ve also seen rumors of Bright Future, but much as I like Hu Ge, I don’t do communist propaganda, having imbibed enough of it during my childhood to last a lifetime.

[anonniemousefics]

Dear Nonnie!

Being in my thirties, I am constantly tired, depressed, overworked and running on coffee and a strong desire to live another day because in the end of it I can finally go to sleep (to be woken a few too many times by a wee baby). Which is probably how all adults live. All that being said, my head is full of ideas, characters, scenes from the books and stupid shit like that. I am bot a writer, I actually love to paint. How do I find time and enough will to do something about that instead of just lie there on the bed at my free moments? How fanfic writers find the time to write all that awesome staff?

Please share advice and wisdom,

Your anonymous admirer, still alive.

PS. That scene in the prison cell in Fjorda between separated Inej and Kaz was hot as hell. Loved it. As all your others fics, obviously.

Dear Still Alive,

I love you! I AM you! Well, except for one key difference, which is that my baby is not so wee anymore. He’s in school now, which is a game-changer, trust me. Getting enough sleep at night just isn’t a thing I have to stress about anymore – and someday, that will be you again, too. It’s true! I know people like to tease parents and say, like, “Haha you’ll never sleep again,” but I promise they’re full of shit! You will have long, luxurious sleeps again, and when you do, I think you’ll find you have the capacity to do so much more than you are able to now.

So, first thing’s first: cut yourself some slack and give yourself some love. You should rest when you need to rest. The fact that you want to lie in bed today is not failure or poor time management. It’s very possible that you’re lying there on the bed because you NEED to lie there on the bed. You’re doing so much already!! The urge to lie down is a very real physical response to the super chaotic world we have to navigate, made all the more exhausting when you have small children, and it’s just as deserving of attention as hunger or thirst or any other physical need.

In fact, you’re not just allowed to rest, you’re encouraged to rest – that’s actually a vital part of the creative process! I have exactly zero ideas when I’m pushing myself and anxious and stressing myself out. Literally all of my ideas waltz in when I’m having a long shower, or I’m driving somewhere and I’ve got nothing better to do with my mind, or I’m trying to grab another fifteen minutes of shut-eye before the alarm goes off. None of the magic happens when I’m spread thin and I’m forcing myself to cram in 30 minutes of writing because I told myself I had to or I’ll never make it as a writer (which, believe me, I’ve tried this route and it’s nothing but pain and suffering all the way down. 0/10 stars, would not recommend).

So, here’s the switch I made for myself to help me to start to create again, and maybe you’ll find it useful, too. But be warned: it’s not a quick fix, and it’s actually taken a couple years of therapy to get here. Anyway, it’s this: I made a conscious decision to stop guilting myself and instead to trust myself. When I want to use my free time to rest, I rest. When I want to use my free time to read a bunch of fic or just scroll through Instagram reels, that’s what I do. I trust that my body’s giving me that urge for a reason, just like it does with hunger or thirst, and I try to pay attention to when it stops feeling like rest or fun. Because none of those things are inherently bad, you know? Do them. Enjoy them. We need them. Don’t guilt yourself over them – just try to notice when your brain makes the switch to “that’s enough.”

And then, after I did this for a while, something started to happen. As my nervous system got used to having its needs met – and I’m talking not just the basic ones like food and shelter, but like rest and connection and freedom from shame etc. – then I started to have more energy. I started to need less time to lie down. I started to have ideas again, and I started to want to do something with them, and not just in like a wistful “I hope to do this someday” kind of way, but in like a “This is what I’m going to do now and here’s when I will do it” kind of way. And it started little! It started so little, I cannot stress this enough! If the inspiration hits you to sketch a little scene on a napkin, that is still art!!! You are still an artist, and you practiced art in that moment, and you practiced it joyfully and authentically and you should celebrate that!!! Even, and maybe especially, if it doesn’t look exactly the way you pictured it in your mind (because chances are it never will). And then do it again!!! It’s like a muscle, and it will grow a little stronger every time you do.

And then here’s the other amazing thing that will happen, if you start practice art this way – just like how after you’ve stuck with a workout plan for awhile, you start to feel more energized after a good workout, the same thing start to happen when you’re able to create art authentically, joyfully, and without guilt. It becomes a form of self-care. And I can’t speak for all fanfic writers, but this is entirely why I do it. I work in moments to do it (a thing which is a hell of a lot easier to do now that my kid is in school), because when I do, I actually have more energy now, having gone through this growth process. A lot of the time (not all of the time, but a lot of the time) I actually feel more like myself than I would have if I’d spent time doing something else. It becomes its own reward – but before that can happen, it has to be treated like a reward, you feel me? And that means no guilt when you don’t have time or energy for it and lots of grace for yourself when you make mistakes and it doesn’t look the way you wanted it to.

So, I wish I could offer you like the perfect time management spreadsheet or like access to the secret nanny-swap service we all use (I wish), but, for better or for worse, it’s been my experience that the time and the will to do creative stuff comes with rest and a lot of self love and acceptance. And a kid that sleeps through the night. Sorry about that part. That part just comes with time.

Wishing you lots of coffee and peaceful nights.

Much love,

Nonnie

P.S. - I may or may not be working on a sequel to that one. (I am. It’s just taking awhile.)

[radikylie]

Journal entry 5 million years later

Wow. It’s been well over a year and a half since I posted anything super personal and probably close to two years since being active on here. It has been a rollercoaster. In November 2021, I accepted a job at a university in the state where my love lived. After my graduate assistantship ended in 2020, it took me a year and a half to find a full-time job because of Covid. I applied to nearly 100 jobs and only heard back from maybe 10% of those jobs. And then I had exactly 3 and a half weeks to move my entire life across the country and move into an apartment with my then long-distance girlfriend when I was offered a job at a mid-size university.

Sometimes my life still doesn’t feel real. I’ve been so happy to be with my Emily and our quirky little sweet cat, but navigating life as an adult in this clown world has been extremely hard. I still can’t believe I live in fucking North Dakota. Our first two winters here have been the most brutal I have ever experienced. Boy, I thought I had SAD when I lived on the east coast but it sure is worse here. We hate living in a red state, but at least we live in the biggest city that is the most progressive.

My job as an admission counselor has been rewarding, difficult, draining, fun, and now mixed with frustration and disappointment. Our education system is a complete dumpster fire. Our incoming students and current students are having mental health crises every fucking day. It tears me apart sometimes to think that I am promising students a future I can’t guarantee with how the world is right now and where it’s going. In a week of traveling, I can drive over a thousand miles and spend over 30 hours in a car. There are high expectations and pressure to bring in first-year students because they are the true cash cows and there’s been a national decrease in enrollment across all institutions. The people I work with have been genuinely great people and are the best parts of the job sometimes. But the pay is absolute shit, and that coupled with rising greedflation and my outrageous private student loan debt feels like it’s crushing me. I don’t know how much longer I can take.

I recently applied for another job within my office that pays 10k more, and I know deserve something insanely better, but it would have been a good transition point and actually allow me to save money to move, and to get an EdTech job that is remote. I was denied this new job, the other candidate had “years of direct marketing experience” where I didn’t, but I had almost 2 years of experience in my office. I’ve shown them consistently that I have strong project management skills and organization for handling all of the texting/calling campaigns we do for students which was another part of this new job. It was handling all of the communications for print/emails (project management) and the job description didn’t even place a strong emphasis on design or marketing. But that’s what they went for in the other candidate. A white man. He wore a fucking flannel to the interview. If he didn’t have an awesome portfolio to present and he doesn’t bring the “wow” factor to this job, I’m going to be even more pissed.

And you know what also makes me mad. Last year around this time, we were actively hiring for another admission counselor position, and I was on that search committee. We were down to two choices, someone with 14 years of experience, and another person who interviewed so strongly but only had previous tour guide experience in terms of higher ed experience. We asked our supervisor if we could choose the person with less experience and she said that she would support that. We offered the position to the person with less experience but they eventually declined because the salary was so low (which we did advertise the salary??). So for this position I wanted, why would they not elevate another person in their office who has worked so fucking hard and has gone above and beyond for this position, and knows this office and best practices. So why does years of direct of experience matter now?

I cried for like the whole day. People in my office were rooting for me to have this job. The woman who previously had this job, she came from my position before that and didn’t even have a master’s. I cried because I felt trapped in this job, mainly due to capitalism. I cried because I felt so betrayed and underestimated. My direct supervisor was the chair for the search committee, and I know she doesn’t want to lose me as a counselor. Our director told me that my supervisor “adores” me, and that I consistently come up in their conversations about how I do great work and I get shit done. My director said she was excited that I applied and hoped they chose me, so I went into my final interview feeling very confident because she had already met the other two candidates before me.

When my supervisor called me to tell me the news (she was a at a conference), she started out saying that she appreciated me so much and that the other candidate would let them go in another direction that they didn’t even know they could go. I couldn’t speak. My voice cracked and I said thank you for letting me know and we ended the conversation. She followed up with a message on Microsoft Teams saying she appreciated me again and would like to help me build my skills to get me a job in EdTech, which is what I ultimately want. And I wonder if this response is because I low-key indicated to my director (because she flat out asked me) if I would leave if I didn’t get this job and I said yes. I don’t think my supervisor realizes how immediate I want (more like need) to leave.

I went home early crying after spending the entire week, waiting for the call, with extreme brain pain (psychophysiological disorder) symptoms and upset stomach to where I couldn’t eat because I was so stressed. Essentially, my nervous system thinks I’m in “danger” when thinking about travel season so it sends me unpleasant physical symptoms, like nerve pain in my face and muscle aches and nausea to where it gets debilitating at times. And travel season is both Fall and Spring. This past spring, I had to drive on icy back roads to rural parts of ND where my phone service does not work at times and once my tire starting leaking because it had a screw in it. I had a lowkey panic attack because I didn’t know what to do and needed to go to small town (population of 207) to get it patched. I was raped on a back road in a car with a man I thought I could trust when I was 20 so being out in the middle of nowhere gives me so much fucking anxiety. I’m stressed at the thought of college fairs starting in less than 2 months.

Stressed because I can’t do this fucking job anymore. The thought of being in this job for another travel season, like 6 weeks or more on and off of traveling start mid-September through November. And what’s worse is that we get “reimbursed” for our meals that we are out on the road but because North Dakota is North Dakota, I only get reimbursed up to $35 dollars a day meanwhile my coworkers traveling within MN can get up to $70 per day. So, when I travel, I have to be as frugal as possible and still lose money because I only get $6.50 for breakfast (unless I’m at a hotel and they have breakfast), 10.50 for lunch, and 17.50 for dinner. It was fine when I first started out but because of greedflation, it’s so much harder.

My student loan payments are like $700 dollars a month, and even though I have three fucking degrees, I’m stuck at an entry level pay despite having an MS degree. The pay across campus is abysmal. The pay for people with advance degrees is absolute shit. They advertised a mental health counselor position here which required a master’s or above and a license in counseling or social work for 43k. Like WHAT. That is what was offered to me when I started. I can’t save money long-term to get out of this fucking state, and we can’t even pay to go on a mini-vacation for a weekend trip. I had to tell my best friend from high school that I couldn’t go to her very fancy wedding on Cape Cod because there’s no way I can even save for myself. And I don’t think she will ever understand what its like to financially struggle and it feels like she lowkey resents me for it, and it makes me feel alone knowing she could never understand since both her and her husband come from a family with money. I worry she thinks I am just dumb as hell and not responsible with money but I can’t save for fucking anything. 

And my god, it could be so much worse. I know this, and am grateful for what we do have but it feels like we have very little to look forward to, and we pretty much can only spend what we need and not for things we want long-term. My family was exactly middle-class and moved into upper-middle class by the time I was in late high school, so it’s brought me more perspective. We are what they call “new poor” - we are one unexpected medical bill/car repair bill away from financial insecurity. I never had to worry about things like this before, I grew up blessed, and I know this. I try to give what I can when I can to my community and family and friends in need.

I tried to pick up a second job at really, really cool brewery but the shifts are so long (6-8 hours) and I sprained my knee on the job which led to my entire back seizing up two days before my birthday a few months ago. The worst birthday I’ve ever experienced. When my back spasmed, I couldn’t walk for three days. I cried the entire time almost. The first day it happened I screamed in pain with every little movement, like so much so Emily worried the cops would be called. Emily had to do everything for me – help me shower, eat, go the bathroom and she cared for me so well. I am so blessed and lucky to have her. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. I had to go back to physical therapy and that was expensive also because health insurance is a fucking scam. It took me about a month to get to 60% okay.

I couldn’t work at the brewery for months and the money from there was so good because it’s an insanely huge operation so now I’m back in the same position now, and don’t know if I can physically keep up with the work. They work their employees so hard, not in a bad way necessarily, it’s just the nature of it because it’s in the top 10 breweries on untapped or whatever. I don’t think I can physically handle more than one or two shifts a month, but I’m afraid to work a whole shift again.

My health is not great. My desk job already has me gaining weight paired with PCOS that feels like it’s out of control, and my body hurts from sitting all day. My face is constantly breaking out from hormonal acne, I’m sure it’s been from all the stress I’ve been under too, but also because everything in this fucking world is harmful to us in one way or another. I’m not at the highest weight I’ve ever been but close to 20 pounds extra since I moved here. Its just so hard to find time and energy to workout because I have so little of both. Especially when I’m traveling, and it’s harder because the cheapest food when I’m out on the road is fast food so there’s not a lot of options to be healthy, especially in fucking ND. I think the only healthy/salad bowl kind of place is in the city we are in and the capital of ND and that’s it lol and its also more expensive. Driving for hours and hours is so exhausting. So. my mental health and self-image have been suffering from all of that too.  

But it feels like we are stuck in this city that is filled with terrible drivers and roads, and these brutal winters. The winters wouldn’t be so bad if the city actually maintained the roads better but every other week it feels like we are risking our lives to go to fucking work. I’ve had to drive through blizzards when I’ve never had any winter driving experience before. I’ve had an entire panic attack/mental breakdown on the interstate here that was completely iced over for 75 miles and I needed to get to the other side of the state for a fucking career fair for work. There were cars in ditches, and another fucking blizzard on the way after receiving well over a foot of snow in some parts of ND. If we weren’t visiting Em’s parents in the same town, and if she didn’t take over and drive on the icy parts for me, we would have never made it. I would have been paralyzed in fear at a truck stop without her, and she really showed up for me that day.

Spring and Fall both lasted maybe 3 weeks before it was either hot or cold season which seems to be all that ND has. Spring used to be my favorite season, but here the flowers don’t bloom until late May and its just mud and rain. Its depressing as hell. At least the summers have been mild in comparison to the disgustingly humid summers MD/VA have. When we do get a few really humid/hot days everyone complains so much and its funny to me because that’s basically any day in the summer on the east coast. It wouldn’t be so bad if our apartment ac unit actually fucking cooled our apartment below 72 degrees on a consistent basis. When its extremely hot and humid here, our apartment has gone up to 79 degrees if we do any sort of cooking or baking. It takes days to cool down, even with extra fans.

The city we live in does have a cool community and lots awesome local businesses. That’s been a saving grace. They do a lot of farmer’s markets, vintage markets, community/mutual aid events. If the world ever completely collapsed (which I feel is inevitable), I would feel pretty safe here and secure knowing the community is full of genuine and resourceful people. It’s a very safe and cheap city to live in because nobody wants to live in these winters. But we have no real friends here. We have our work friends who are just that, and it’s incredibly disappointing. We are both introverts but crave deeper connections with others, even if its only a few. One of the hardest lessons I have ever had to learn, and still learning, are that friends are like the seasons – they come and go.

I miss my family. I miss those summer days where I would wake up late, and my brother’s family would come over to swim. The dogs would be playing, and my niece and nephew being silly. My dad would grill and my mom would make a bunch of sides and we’d eat outside on the deck together. No plans except to go play a silly little video game by myself or with some people later that night after going for a walk or a run in my neighborhood in the woods. I miss sitting out in my driveway under the stars and trees with a good playlist, smoking a bowl, and reading about aliens. I miss my niece and nephew coming over every Tuesday and the house being so crazy with them but never a dull moment. I didn’t think I would miss that so much. My brothers can be assholes (my older brother more so), but it was nice when we were all getting along.

My relationship with my parents has gotten better as I’ve gotten older but they still can’t give me the emotional support that I need. Emily’s mom has been more emotionally supportive. My parents never ask me how I’m doing, just what I’m doing. I wish they would come visit me but I don’t think they ever will. They wouldn’t even fly me or Emily out for Christmas even though they have more than enough money to do so. They’ve been going on 10-day vacations in Jamaica at fucking Sandals, and doing weekend trips all over the east coast. But seeing me is not enough of a reason to fly here. 

They keep telling me how much they miss me and want me to move back but then don’t do anything to help me do that. They said they would help us move if I got a job on the east coast but don’t care that I’m drowning in student debt.  They disappoint me still and it feels like I have to grieve my relationship with them of what I need versus what they give me. It’s been that way my entire life. I know that they will never apologize for the things that they did while growing up. It’s a sad thing to come to terms with.

Another thing I have had to come to terms with is my purpose in this world, I guess. When I was 18, I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I knew I wanted to help people in some capacity. When I was 21, I had this grandiose idea and plans for how I could do that and save the world. When I was 24, I wanted to be a recreational therapist and create a holistic community center. When I was 25, I had started a master’s degree in Higher Education because I wanted to be a graduate assistant to a unique women’s college program within my university, which I worked hard to desperately create a safe space for young women, but the university didn’t give an actual shit about it. I didn’t think I would end up in higher education but here I am.

This is not where I expected myself to be at all, but I really did enjoy working with my students. So, I stayed in it. I finished my degree. And now I feel “stuck” in an education system that is very much a fucking dumpster fire. I’m feeling burnt out, I guess. It’s wrecking my mental and physical health. My nervous system is on high alert all the time, I think. I feel like I can never get enough time to actually rest and recover.

I’ve also had to re-evaluate my “purpose”. I’m an extremely spiritual person and have very much moved away from New Age completely but very interested in paganism or Mother Earth spirituality. I used to think that I had to have this grandiose purpose to change the world, but I recognize that the most important change comes from the self and extending that out to your community. Small acts of kindness can go a long way and encourage others to do the same, creating a chain reaction. But where exactly does that leave me?

Part of me wants to go to another university because of the “prestige” around it, but every institution has its own problems and is still within America’s education system that is a fucking shit show. I’m so concerned about how others see me sometimes, especially in professional sense. I felt like I was a late bloomer in all things because it took me 6 years to get my bachelor’s, but I also had a complete thyroidectomy after struggling with severe symptoms from it, and then being raped 3 months after the surgery. I was academically suspended for a year after my surgery and SA because my GPA was so low. There are so many people from that period of time who wrote me off as a dumb stoner and had no idea I was abusing weed because of trauma. Even my ex-girlfriend and her friends just thought I was a dumb stoner.

So, I guess I feel the need to “prove” that I am more than what they assumed me to be. I thought that I needed to be so career-driven to change the world and I am starting to understand that having that mindset is not a healthy way to live and will lead to self-destruction and burnout. I never thought I would hate my current job as much as I do. And I’m realizing that I don’t necessarily hate the work, but rather the expectations and circumstances surrounding it. I could stick out this job longer if I was paid more but it feels like I am running out of time to find something different before travel season starts again.

I’ve essentially quiet quit at this point. I feel like I have to detach myself from everyone because it hurts that I’m going to have to leave some of the people in my office, and I would go to bat for them at any time. I’ll be doing just above the bare minimum, and will not be volunteering as often to do extra things any more. A coworker of mine just got placed into her dream job and I’m so excited for her, but her leaving also gives us more work to cover. Another reason why I need to leave. And if I can leave before travel season, I feel a little guilty leaving during an important peak time, but they put me in this position. 

I can’t do it. I won’t if I don’t have to. And if September comes, and I am still searching for a job, I will do the college fairs with the goal of leaving before October. They could have given me the other position and I would have grown into it, and worked extremely hard to exceed their expectations and they could have arranged to have a new admission counselor in my position by the time college fair season started. But they made their choice. I need to make mine now.

But now I feel like I have to redefine what work means to me. Fuck the system. I can make my own path. I can change the world without a grandiose career. Its okay to just show up to work and then live your life. And so, I hope that my next job is in EdTech (and remote) that can give me financial freedom and security because that’s what it really all comes down to. I want a “lazy girl” job. A job that I feel good about and is not as emotionally/physically demanding so that I have the money to help others and do what I want. I just want to live a comfortable life, and one where I am not always worrying about money.

So, in order to get that, I think I need to release all of this. It’s been holding me back. I deserve a job that pays me well, and lets me live the life I want. A job that lets me help my friends and families, and give back to my community. I don’t have to bear the burden of being in a career that is glorified for how much you give and destroy yourself for it. I can’t imagine what k-12 teachers feel every day.

I think the next piece is letting go. Doing a trust fall for Mother Goddess to catch me and deliver me to my next opportunity. Trusting that the perfect job is on its way to me, and I won’t miss out on something that is for me. I deserve a job that gives me a better work-life balance. That I don’t feel like I am killing myself to survive. I have the money to live how I want, and all of the time and energy I have for other things is abundant.

I get so caught up worrying about making the right or wrong choice, or missing out on a job posting. I get caught up thinking that I’m not quite enough – I don’t have quite enough experience or direct experience or the right degrees. I get caught up with thinking about the cost of living in other states and what I can’t do or where we can’t move to. What if I’m meant to focus on the good, and all of the possibilities and different lives of Kylie. The possible exciting adventures in store for me.

Its reminiscent to how I felt when I couldn’t find a job after my graduate assistantship. I was stressing over every little thing. And then I finally just surrendered. That’s what it felt like after my huge disappointment with Bryn Mawr College and they decided not to hire me but not long after that I was offered my current job. And how I felt after running into my ex at a grocery store and having a panic attack and obsessing over how I’m going to meet my love and what I do or don’t do that could lead me to missing that connection. I eventually had to acknowledge and say that I surrender to the wonderful mystery that is the Universe. About two weeks of recognizing my need to let go of control, I met my Emily.

The catalyst this time is not getting this position within my office. It was a devastating disappointment. I’m still trying to reconcile that. But it has also opened me up to the fact that I do deserve something insanely better - better pay, better benefits, better work-life balance. I know my worth. And while I feel betrayed that I wasn’t picked for this position, I don’t need to punish myself or the people in my office for it. I do still feel a hint of resentment towards my supervisor, but she’ll understand the choice she made when I get offered my next job.

At first, I wanted to sulk. I wanted to quiet quit as loudly as possible. But now I see that I need to cherish my time with everyone. I want them to miss having me. I want to leave the office on good terms. But I want people to know that they lost my loyalty as well. I want people to think that they wish I was still there because of all the light and humor I brought. So. I will not be jumping at every opportunity to volunteer extra time and energy towards things. I will not be half-assing this job completely, but I will not be going above and beyond as often anymore either.

I am still incredibly sad and frustrated at this disappointment, but I see it was necessary and its time for me to move on, as scary as it seems. I will miss these people so much. So now I need to let go. Trust fall. Mother Goddess, A-team, I trust that the perfect job will find its way to me and will bring about the most exciting and best chapters of my life. Thank you for this.

[copperbora]

Moar Dog Breed Research!🐶

So, after some advice from friends, I have readjusted my obsessive list of suitable dog breeds which should work for me. This list will have several more metrics than my previous list, plus it is much shorter, but the basic rules are:

- The dog breed must be at least 30 lbs as an adult and therefore classed as a medium sized breed. This is because as a backcountry hiker, I need them to be at least theoretically capable of defending themselves from a coyote (Canis latrans,) as unfortunately coyotes (which weigh 30-60 lbs depending on region, age, sex as well as other metrics,) tend to be understandably opportunistic and they seem to believe that small breed dogs have the potential for great tastiness.

- They must have at least a medium length coat, because hazards exist out on the trail. A good coat will help protect the dog from sharp twigs, burrs and inclement weather. It gets cold at night in the mountains!

- They also must be at least somewhat heat tolerant because July-August temperatures where I live range between 30-40 Celsius, and 50 degrees Celsius happened in 2021.

- It'd be nice if they could carry their own poop in a backpack.

- They have to have an off-switch because I do not hike every day; I am an artist and writer. Hiking is a weekend activity so I need them to be okay with shorter walks during the week and playtime.

- It must be cuddly.

- I don't mind shedding but I want a breed that's easier to groom.

- Absolutely NO brachycephalic breeds.

- There can't be any danger of them eating my cats.

I will rate the breeds by best, good and maybe.

Best

🐶Silken Windhound

Pros: A nearly perfect size (20-55 lbs,) good coat, good temperature adaptability, big enough to carry a lil' backpack, won't be too expensive to feed, doesn't eat cats, they love to run and they are fun to watch! They also aren't too big, so if I have to I can carry one out of the backcountry. Easy to groom. Couch potatoes in the house. Some can prick up their ears and they are generally quiet. Awesome agility, ideal hiker, especially with their tendancy to want to stick closer to their human than other sighthounds.

Cons: Being a slightly rarer breed they probably cost at least $3 K. Also, most Canadian breeders are in Ontario, but at least there are some in Canada, right? (I live in British Columbia.)

Biggest Pro: Difficult to choose from their great attributes!

Biggest Con: Probably expensive. Also they wouldn't be able to carry much of their own gear.

_____

Good

🐶Cardigan Welsh Corgi

Pros: Great weather resistant coat, good size at 25-38 lbs with great agility which might allow them the upper paw in a confrontation with a coyote, great with cats, prick ears, good a daily walk and some play/training, can tolerate hot weather just fine but likes cooler days a bit better (rather like me actually.) Great 1st time dog breed! Also I have experience with them and unlike their cousins the Pembroke Welsh Corgis, they always have tails and their legs are slightly longer. Breeders exist locally!

Cons: Due to status as a teckel breed (abnormally short legs to long back ratio,) I probably shouldn't put a backpack on one unless it is very lightweight. Can be a teensy bit barky and they have poor endurance.

Biggest Pro: They're definitely my speed according to my real life experience with them.

Biggest Con: Although cardis have better backs than other teckel breeds (notably the dachshund,) their short legs makes them poor candidates for hiking dogs. While they could certainly handle a short day hike, there is little hope for them as an backcountry expedition buddy.

Even Bigger Pro: I'm friends/workmates with a local breeder who has promised to flatout GIVE me one and I sm good friends with the sire dog Whisky.

_____

Maybe

Nothing here right now!

_____

Disqualified

🐶Borzoi

Pros: Good coat, decent temperature adaptability, can definitely carry their own poop in a backpack plus more, doesn't generally eat cats; like their descendant breed the windhound, they're really fun to watch run and they're house spuds. No solo coyote in their right mind would ever mess with one. Canadian breeders exist! Generally a quiet breed with great agility and strength.

Cons: There's still a chance of a borzoi killing my cats. They're big at 55-105 lbs but I could pick a pup from parents at the lighter end of their size range. Being bigger they will have a larger food bill. There are less borzoi breeders in Canada than for other breeds on my list, including, surprisingly, the windhound.

Biggest Pro: Can definitely carry their own gear (which I love,) and with their size not only can this breed defend itself from a coyote, they would also offer an excellent hug!

Biggest Con: They're big, and therefore eat more. Their size means that they can get life threatening bloat and if that happens, or they get a bad injury, I would have trouble evacuating them from the backcountry. Unknown to me whether preventative stomach tacking is a thing.

_____

I'm not ready for a dog yet but whichever breed eventually steals my heart, I will always keep it leashed when hiking (regardless I will train it in recall.) I'm open to mutts but I need to be able to meet my dog's parents and have access to their health records. In any case I think I have narrowed my list down nicely, however, if there's a breed that you believe that I should research, please make me aware of it!

Edited February 22nd 2023.

Early concept art of my coyote character Sedge considering a beaver for his supper. He's perched on a log which the beaver is swimming under and Sedge is about to be splashed in the face by its tail.

[hjellacott]

If I can teach teenagers anything about maturity, it goes back to the old "Don't let the Muggles get you down".

I've finally reached an age where I truly can't give a flying fuck about anyone whose sole purpose in life is to fill the world with negativity. People who are their happiest insulting others, people who waste their precious time on this Earth going online and harassing and bullying?? I'm simply sad for them. And I don't let them get to me at all.

I've got a good life. I've accomplished several of my wildest dreams and I keep making more. I am loved. Yeah some days feel lonely, some are sad or stressful, sure, we're all humans, but I keep reminding myself of all the awesome things I've done and keep doing, and the incredible friendships I get to enjoy, and family that treasures me, and I know that overall, I am just so, so lucky. I'm having too much fun living and enjoying my own precious time to let anyone try to spoil it. And I don't want to waste a second bringing anyone down. Insults and shit-stirring are a poor way to use the little time I've been given on this lovely planet. And you don't accomplish shit by being rude and just an ugly person. You do so with light, and light only.

So to any of you out there who's struggling with bullying or harassment, or who easily gets affected by other's verbal violence, I'll tell you the same I tell my teenage friends: laugh, and the first thing you need to learn to laugh with is yourself.

Like literally yesterday the first time I went sledging in my life, first try and I nearly broke my neck. I lost control of the sledge and rolled down a hard path and some teenage boys next to me were laughing and making comments (can't even remember what they said exactly lol) But I saw all felt OK (if sore) and I was alive, I thought of what a thrill of excitement and fun it had been, and how ridiculous it must have looked from the top, and I began just laughing. I grabbed my sledge and began climbing the hill back up to my friends (in this case, they were teens whose parents are my buddies and I'd promised to take them sledging and be "the responsible adult") and shouted at them like "THAT WAS AWESOME!" And then they were also laughing. I realised they'd been terrified, because now it was their turn next and these are young girls who get easily intimidated, who thought that they'd hurt themselves if I had, and that these teenage boys would mess with them if they didn't do a perfect job. So I reassured them. They saw that even a fall that looks so bad is nothing but a little bruise or two and a good laugh, and that what some boys have to say doesn't matter. I think that made it easier and better for them when their turn came. We laughed and had a blast and yes we all kissed the floor at some point but so what? Our bodies are made to experience life. So long as nothing breaks, you're fine!

So yeah go out and enjoy life and sod it to anyone who wants to bring you down.

[casspurrjoybellbittner]

Wreckless - People Can't Drive

*Warning Adult Content*

Finnegan

I'm not sure where the weekend went, honestly.

Why do those two days always fly by and Wednesdays seem to last about a month?

That's okay, today is Thursday so I am over the hump.

Another weekend is approaching and Emmett doesn't have to work Saturday.

The plan is to go over and visit Tristan again which sounds great.

Hopefully we can do a bunch of house hunting too.

I found two that look good but I'm not getting my hopes up until I see them in person.

I stopped by and bought muffins and offer one to Megan when I walk in.

"You're a lifesaver Mr... Finnegan. Sorry."

"Hey, points for trying. Did we hear back from Marianne?"

She's going to be my new head of accounting.

Hopefully.

"Not yet but I just got in. I'll skim your emails."

"Thank you."

I got a new bookshelf for my office and have been filling it up this week.

I have a cool metal puzzle that you have to unlock, an antique fire truck because that makes it seem more adult and most importantly two cool baskets that hold actual toys.

My favorite new one is a small bouncy ball that I can toss around and catch.

It's fun when I'm stuck on the phone although rather distracting.

I almost hit poor Megan in the head the other day when she opened the door but I've been more careful since then.

Even better than my ball is my new lunchbox.

It's not new, it's probably from the 80's or 90's but it's a metal batman lunchbox with a thermos.

Emmy packs my lunch every evening, just something light, so that I have no excuse to go hungry.

I can literally munch while I'm at my desk.

He mentioned making chicken salad with the leftovers from dinner last night and I'm looking forward to it.

Getting my lunchbox was my second favorite thing on Saturday.

My first favorite thing was Saturday night.

Damn if he didn't work me over.

My intercom beeps and Megan says the email from Marianne is flagged and ready to read.

Awesome.

I open it and it's a yes.

I finally, finally have a new head of accounting and let me tell you, I desperately need one.

Yesterday, two of the three DoD bids I submitted got returned due to technicalities that I do not understand.

Marianne can not start soon enough.

I'm hoping for Monday.

My cell-phone rings and it's Tristan.

Not a great time to talk about this weekend.

"Hey."

"Finnegan? Are you alone?"

Why would he ask that?

Other than for phone sex of course and we've never done that and certainly aren't about to start now.

"Yes but I'm dressed, you silly boy. What's up?"

"Finnegan... he's okay. I promise he's okay."

Wait, what? Who? "Emmett?" 

Who else would he call me about?

"Yeah. He wrecked his car or well there was an accident. They took him to the hospital."

I am already standing up and grabbing my bag.

"Which one?"

"Union but he's okay, he called Peter and told him he'd be late and he can't be that hurt if he called and said that, right? So don't panic."

I don't panic, ever, I just flip into 'get shit done' mode.

"I'm not. Thanks, I'll call you later."

Okay, I need Megan.

"Reschedule today."

"Yes Mister... Wait. What about your ten o'clock appointment?"

Shit. SHIT. I glance at my watch.

"I'll be back."

That's almost two hours from now.

I'll go to the hospital, check on Emmett and be back in plenty of time.

I decide to call while I'm in the elevator.

If he says he's being discharged and going to work, there's no reason for me to go over there.

No answer.

I leave him a voicemail to call me and head out.

I have to google the hospital and get directions and it doesn't take me long to get there but it takes another twenty minutes to find the stupid parking garage and then to get into the right wing of the hospital.

It's like one tiny hospital has eaten fourteen others and they've formed the hospital centipede.

I have to go through security.

Really?

Who comes to hospitals when they don't have to?

After what feels like an eternity I find a desk and someone who knows where Emmett is.

It's nowhere near here but after getting lost twice and passing the cafeteria about five times, I find him.

His head is wrapped in gauze, the whole left side looks like something out of a movie.He's squinting but makes a lame attempt at smiling at me.

"Darling," he croaks.

"Dear Lord. Are you okay?"

I send up a quick prayer and make the sign of the cross.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm tough. Just my head but that's empty anyway. Do you have any water?"

I don't but I will get some for him.

Yes I will.

"Be right back."

I find the cafeteria before the nurses station and buy a bottle from the vending machine.

"Sure you're allowed to have this?" I ask.

"Think so, they're just doing x-rays or something. Stupid, I'm fine."

"Or your spleen could be ruptured and you could be dying. Let them run the damn tests, Emmett."

"You sound like me and your check up."

He's right but I choose to ignore that part.

"What happened?"

"Nothing, people can't drive. Hit the passenger side and my head hit the window. Sure I'll be hurting tomorrow but I just wanna go the hell home."

At least he's given up on going back to work.

"You're taking the day off, and tomorrow too, please? Want me to call Peter?"

He's thinking about it, actually considering trying to work.

I have NO patience for this and I can't even smack him if he makes this difficult.

"Yeah, go ahead. Thanks."

"Emmett? I have a meeting, I'm sorry. I..."

"Go, Finnegan."

"I will be back right after, okay? I'll take you home. Meet me in the cafeteria if they discharge you."

At least that I'll be able to find.

"I'll get a taxi..."

"No. Please? I'll be back soon. I promise."

"Okay, Darling. If that's what you want."

I squeeze his hand.

"It is. I love you, Emmett."

He just smiles and I can tell this short conversation has been hard on him.

"I'll be back soon."

[s-omething]

hi, franci. i know you liked when dad called you that, but we go by jax now. belive me, baby, it fits us better, but im here today to care for you, so its franci as you liked. i cant sleep again and tonight i caught myself remebering everything. when i say everything, its everything. im remebering when you were around 2 or 3 and dad caught a spider with his hands and showed you for the first time how things might not hurt you if youre gentle enough. you know, he fell in love with bees when you got older, those bees that used to sting you all the time at grandpa’s,  he taught you the same thing again, bees are awesome and you just have to stay calm and be gentle. i remember telletubies, bbb late night with mom, i remember when you lost a cd you liked and mom showed you how it was really not in the cd box anymore, cause you didnt believe her. i remember that rainbow you really wanted to see but you were not allowed outside, im sorry for that, you did get to see a lot of cool rainbows after it, i promise. baby, i remember you were sad that mom liked that boy she was taking care of more than you, or maybe she was just nicer to him, im not sure, but i know it did hurt a lot and you told her, i dont understand why she thought it was funny, i dont know why she said you could leave if you were jealous, she still tells that story as a joke, its never really funny. i remember how tiny your school backpack was, cause you could not fit much into it when you said to her you were leaving. i hope you know you were really small, she did not believe you would leave, okay? maybe thats why she find it funny. i want you to know that if i was her, and i wish i was, and i wish i was there to take care of you and make sure you didnt feel like you needed to leave, i would tell you that i didnt want you to go anywhere, that i love you and i do like you very much, youre very funny and smart and special for me, no one can replace you in my heart, okay? i wish you would never leave, but i will be with you if someday you decide to go. playing with you is fun, teaching you about the world is wonderful, i love hearing what you have to say. spending time with you is not a burden, baby. i remember playing outside with the other kids were scary, even if your brother was there and he was having fun, i understand kids are loud and sometimes they are mean too, i could go with you, i could hold your hand and make sure you have fun while feeling safe, so you dont have to stay in and watch tv all day. its okay to cry if you regret that you didnt go outside, but you can always try again tomorrow. im proud of you for that day you did go outside, and you did have fun. yes, most girls will be more nice to you than the boys usually are. i kept remembering that time you found a horoscope word for your sign and you misunderstood it. thats why i started remembering everything actually. because i know that word has been weighting you down since then, it still does today, im sorry. you grew up, im you, im an adult now, being lonely still haunts me. i am loved, i have people i love, you are loved. i like to remind myself that, so i dont get lost like you did back then. i remember crying before sleep because of that stupid word for a long time, i remember the night you couldnt stand rolling that word around your mind anymore so you carefully went into your parents room to tell them you were scared. i remember dad explaining the word and i remember you were still scared. baby, youre not alone. you wont be alone. im here, i will be here waiting for you to grow and i will not let you feel alone. its so strange to look at my hands and understand they were once so small and unsure. i guess i carried the feeling with me, but disconnected it from myself in a way. baby, i want to talk about things i know you will not be ready to hear and understand, and you shouldnt be, and im sorry you still have to deal with it without being ready, okay? i know its scary, it feels wrong and you dont know why, i know you dont have the words to try and explain it. you do not have to. its not your fault. i wish i was there to stop it, i wish i was there to protect you and give you the words for whenever you needed them. im here now, but its too late. im dealing with it, sometimes i cant stop my mind from running those things around all day long when its too quiet. but im here, we survived and we did talk, we did find the words and at some point we did understood. baby, im sorry you felt more scared than angry, you are allowed to be angry. your body is still yours, you are not pregnant and you are not dirty, i promise. if something feels wrong, run away. if you cant move, try to scream, okay? you can just scream for help, you can scream “no”, anything. you can scream, you dont need to behave and you dont need to be quiet. being quiet is not as good as everyone keeps saying it is.  when everyone was getting sick, you were scared the world would end and you were scared of dying, i remember cleary, one night you couldnt breathe and you were thinking how you would tell mom without bothering her because dad was not home and you didnt know what else to do. i remember being in the car, i remember the doctor calmed you down with a joke about pigs. he was right, you can calm down, youre alive, but i know he didnt tell you why you couldnt breathe. baby, you were just scared, okay? your fear was just too big, thats why your brain forgot how to breathe. when you feel like that, you have to teach your brain how to breathe again, in and out, slowly, you will feel better soon. drink some water too. i remember dad was home when you came back. he was watching avatar and you drank tea with him, right? im thankful to you for enjoying those moments. im glad he was there to calm you down a bit more. baby, i know youre still scared about the world ending, i know youre worried about all the trash, polution and all those animals being extinct, i know it keeps you up at night like that night you couldnt breathe and like those nights with that word stuck in your head, you should tell dad about how you feel, he will clear your mind and even it all those big things dont go away, i promise understanding better will make they stop being so loud at night.  i know mom says mean things about you sometimes, she is wrong, okay? i know you believe her, but she is lying, she is not really angry at you. she is angry at herself and its not your fault, she should not let it out on you. youre just a little kid and its not fair. please, remember this. you dont need to change, you dont need to fix her, she will not listen and its okay. its not your responsability to try to fix those things, just dont believe her. i know with time you learned to be more quiet, i know you erased yourself a bit just so she would not see you so much, you should not be quiet for her shouting, you are not those bad things she says, you are good, you are smart and strong and you do behave very well, even when you shouldnt. i love you, i trust you, im proud of you, you are very kind.  i remember some scary things that i still dont know how to talk about, i hope you can forgive me for that. i want you to know i forgive you about all the silly and bad things i remember you did too, i want you to remember something, okay? youre a kid. it okay to be angry. its okay to make mistakes. i forgive you. its okay to to things that are not allowed sometimes, i am an adult now and i want you to know that breaking the rules they gave you is not as bad as you feel it is, you do not have to carry all that guilt around, i promise those things are veeeery silly.  by the way, you do not have to hang out with those girls, they are mean to you and mom should not be telling you who you have to hang out with if you dont really like them. if they are mean, they are not friends. you will have kind friends who like you for who you are, i promise. yes, you deserve people who like you, and you should not stay quiet when someone is mean to you, but i know its scary, its okay if you dont know how to react and i know getting into fights would be scary too.  i remember pretty well, you look in the mirror sometimes and youre terrified of people realizing youre not a “real girl”, right? theres nothing wrong with you. theres nothing wrong with your body, its changing now and it will change more later, you dont have to worry about being a girl or a boy or neither. youre beautiful, nothing will change that. people are not looking at you and wondering anything, people dont really care. yes, men on the streets are weird and scary sometimes, stay away from them, okay? they do not define you, they should not be looking at you at all, changing how you dress does not define their behavior, they are just disgusting because they are.  thats as far as we go as little kids, i wish i walked all those steps beside you, baby. im sorry i could not, turns out you still have to grow for me to be able to tell you all this. and you will, you will grow and you will learn things and find yourself and things will keep changing, you dont have to be scared, you will be okay. dont let them be mean to you. dont let them make you feel stupid or dumb. you are bright, its okay to learn things in a different way and understand the world in a different view, its okay to feel things a little bit too much, just dont let those feelings swallow you. youre bigger than them, they just look big because its their shadow youre looking at. i love you, baby, im here. 

[anne-i-write]

moriarty the patriot headcannons pt. 1

| requested by anon: Can you write about all male characters in moriarty has a same look of their  children and hpw many children they want? |

william x reader; louis x reader; albert x reader; sebastian x reader; fred x reader

word count: 2397

pt. 2: 221b boys

a/n: I DONT KNOW WHY I DIDNT WRITE THIS EARLIER IM SO SORRY THIS REQUEST HAS LITERALLY BEEN IN MY INBOX FOR SO LONG I AM SO SORRY I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS

william: 487 words

with his whole plan to clean the world of the filthy nobles, william never really stopped to think about having children

well, until he met you

you both were in town one day and he saw you fondly watching a child speak with her mother

“i think two children would be nice”

“i didn’t even ask”

“i know, but the look you gave that mother was telling enough”

n e ways he is a simp and he did eventually give you what you wanted

fast forward a few years, you have two children: a boy and a girl

and they look exactly like their father

like,, it lowkey pains you how much they physically take after their father

you wanted to be like “oh they have your personality, but they look just like me!”

no

granted, your son took after you in an emotional sense but your daughter was a daddy’s girl through and through

like she looks like him, she acts like him, speaks like him, she even EATS like him

ok but the men w your children

fred is a freaking sweetheart ok

like he’ll watch over the kids when no one has the time and they love him too so they’ll help out in the garden which you are SO thankful for

tbh they only like uncle albert bc he brings them lil trinkets from when he gets back from london LMAO

louis doesn’t show it, but he absolutely adores your children and makes extra snacks for them at tea time

you caught onto this at one point bc for some REASON your kids would not stop bouncing off of the walls before bed and they told you uncle louis gave them chocolate

and sebastian loves messing w your kids bc,,, sebastian

but he accidentally made your son cry ONCE and he was at the mercy of every adult in the moriarty estate including the boy’s younger sister

needless to say, he watched his actions and words around your children after that

now, william

i’m just gonna say this straight out: most of the men never really thought about having kids (save john and albert)

but when you finally had kids, william had a different outlook on life

like fr,, this man works overtime now trying to get rid of the filth that is called nobles

he doesn’t want his kids to be raised in a world where just because you have more money than another means you get to look down on them

you still instill in them those good morals ofc

he also tries to be very present in their lives since he and his brother were raised as orphans

when he was younger, he didn’t mind it all much

but now that he had this small family and a brighter future, he did everything in his power to make sure they’re happy and grow up in a cleaner and kinder world

louis: 320 words

it took you a week to get him to at LEAST humor you

“if you could, how many kids do you want?”

“none”

like, this guy is so dedicated to his brother and his cause it is a WONDER you somehow wormed your way into his heart

but you did and honestly, the brothers are actually very happy that you’re with them

william especially

louis rarely emotes but when you came into their lives, you got louis pissed at one point and everyone was like,,,, wtf?? he has emotions???

anyways, his answer is one kid LMAO

and when you get that one kid, he looks just like louis

yall already KNOW that he’s ready to die for that child as soon as louis holds him in his arms

the only kid sebastian wouldnt even try to mess with

he can deal with william’s albert’s or fred’s kids but louis lowkey intimidates him so he’s as nice as he can be

that being said, louis teaches his kid how to properly handle stuff around the house

you want to cry bc ur son is just so??? the little kid just loves helping out no matter how small the task and he’s just so cute it hurts

even sebastian’s kinda like,, “aight he’s the only kid i will tolerate”

louis grew up with only his brothers so he also wants to give his son a shot at a normal family

is actually aware at how he thinks he’s indispensable for william’s cause and he doesn’t want his son to end up like him

he also teaches his son some badass fighting moves

oh and louis smiles a lot more too

cried bc his son saw the scar he got on his cheek, rubbed some dirt on his lil face and said “i have daddy’s cool scar now”

all in all his son is the best thing to happen to all of you

albert: 505 words

same as louis in the fact that it takes him a week to answer

“you know you haven’t even answered my question”

“i’m sorry, what did you say?”

“how many kids do you want?”

genuinely takes time to ponder that question

he hadn’t thought of that since his family adopted william and louis

but with you?

“i think two darling girls who take after their mother is enough for me”

pls he’d be so sweet 🥺🥺🥺

you two end up having a girl and a boy, who look just like their father

and tbh, you’re not even mad

you love them so much so when albert comes back north, the three of you are ecstatic

the happiness was short lived for albert tho

he found his son spending time with william and there’s nothing bad right????

“where’s your sister?”

“she’s with mr. moran”

his heart DROPPED

out of all the people in the manor

HIM

he sees the two running around the garden

it all happened as soon as albert’s daughter went up to sebastian and said “you’re very pretty! you’re my knight now!”

he decided to “adopt” the little girl and now he’s lowkey whipped

you found albert staring at sebastian playing with his daughter and updated him about everything going on

“but him??”

“he’s just a big softie for her let it go”

isn’t really surprised when he finds out they can fight a little

actually glad that they can hold their own, God forbid anything happens to them

otherwise mi6 has to deal w family matters lmao

“albert, she only tripped”

“you shouldve seen the fear in her eyes as she fell”

“IT WAS A STRAY COBBLESTONE”

would raise hell if anyone even THOUGHT ill of his kids

william and louis are the doting uncles

william more so than louis bc your kids have never seen louis smile

now they’re on a mission to make uncle louis smile

louis was on child duty one day and they managed to slip away

omyGOD he was stressed but also,, extremely worried

so when he found them he had the most genuine smile on his face

your daughter was like (・∀・)

she loves uncle louis

ofc your son adores his dad like,,, who else wouldn't feel awesome at the age of 10 if you found out your dad was a high ranking general

feels superior to sebastian bc of his dad

lmao this 4’5 kid thinks he can rule sebastian for some odd reason

the house is always dirty bc him and sebastian always prank each other

your daughter is trying to catch a butterfly but she can’t so fred helps

instantly loves fred

“is that what heartbreak is”

“i guess that’s what happens when you try to get close to my kids colonel”

albert is kind of afraid of turning into his dad but he has you and everyone else to remind him that: no you are not your father, you are so much better than him

loves your family with his entire being

sebastian: 844 words

“i see you looking at those kids and the answer is none”

lmao you’ll get so pouty around him bc you want kids dammit

that and he spoils you to no end so that's why you’re pouty lol

“fine we’ll only do one kid and bc one kid is all i can tolerate”

bruh

this man gives you three in four years LMFAO

two boys a year apart and a girl in the fourth year

you wanted to smack sebastian

when the two boys grew up, it was obvious they were already taking after their father in the physical sense

it was terrifying

they genuinely look like mini sebastians and you know everyone in the manor is afraid that you two birthed satan

and the satan was your eldest one

he’s just a feral sebastian moran in a tiny body

your second son, god bless him, looked just like his father but with fred’s temperament

and see, you were fine with your sons looking like their father

it was FINE right

you prayed to God that your third child would have at least some physical resemblance to you

your daughter was birthed, she grew up

and you cried

“HOW DO THEY ALL LOOK LIKE YOU”

“i’ve got some strong genetics, baby”

you sulk for a lil bit

but you accept it anyway because you love your goddamn kids

thankfully, your second and youngest child are both soft spoken and it's only your husband and his tiny clone bringing hell to earth

smacking sebastian bc all of your children suddenly started swearing up a storm at each other

“WHYD YOU HIT ME”

“YOURE THE ONLY ONE WHO SWEARS AROUND THE KIDS”

finally sitting down and trying to convince them to stop swearing

“father does it!”

“your father’s stupid”

speaking of your daughter

she’s his little princess and no he will not take criticism

spoils her more than he spoils you

did she glance at a toy at a passing store?

he buys more toys than he should from said store

you have to physically hide some of his money bc there is only so much you can buy

and her older brothers are so caring you want to sob

if a person accidentally shoved her over bc she was tiny and they couldn’t see her

oh boy

get ready to restrain them like chihuahuas

“little sister will be protected at all costs”

since his second son is so different from him, sebastian actively makes time to talk about what the little boy is doing and what he’s getting from it

doesn’t want to be pushy and suffocating like his dad was so when his younger kid does want to be left alone to his devices, sebastian does so

but honestly loves that your second son is so literate

lddhsajdsfk what yall dont know is that they’re all in cahoots

kinda funny to see them all together bc they all take after their father so much it's like having three tiny sebastians go around town

anyways,,,, yall know the promised neverland right

you got ray, norman, and emma

granted one of them wasn’t as smart as ray but he definitely knew what stealth was

regular sibling rivalry was still a thing but if they could smell the pudding from the kitchen, they know they have to work together

sebastian caught his eldest smuggling biscuits into a small bag

he had half a mind to scold him

but then he ended up giving tips TO ALL HIS CHILDREN on how not to get caught next time—

bc of this they beg him to tell them some stories from afghanistan bc “there’s no way a man as old as dad knows this many stealth tactics”

louis is so fed up lmao

albert is in london most of the time so he just thanks the lord that he doesn’t have to deal w the propaganda that sebastian feeds his children about how “mr. albert is a bad man”

william is fine w it as long as they don’t trash the library

your younger ones love the library so they would cry at the thought of one of the books losing any of the pages

your second and your daughter are definitely the moriartys’ favorites

they don’t show it, but you just KNOW

your eldest could care less about that though

as long as you and his father still love him

and of course you both do

and fred is definitely your youngers favorite

they like to hang out in the garden

ok they still fight all the time though

just because your second child is soft spoken doesn't mean he’s afraid to throw hands

their sister likes to join in for the hell of it

but if someone wrongs any of the children

just because the younger ones are the moriartys’ favorite, doesn’t mean that they’re not gonna hunt someone down if they even think about trying to hurt the eldest too

yeah,,, good luck to them and their families

they got the entire moriarty estate coming after them

fred: 241 words

cmon yall are like,, young

but you did ask him bc you were curious if he thought about it

he wants one

and when yall do have the kid, you guys actually do have one kid and its a girl

since you both are young, you can immediately see a resemblance between her and her father

everyone who meets her would die for her

ABSOLUTE CUTIE

especially when she walks around the garden w her hand in her dad’s and he’s showing her all the plants and telling her how to take care of them

needless to say she grows up loving plants

any type of plant

the boys love giving her flowers or anything from bc she has the biggest smile every single time

no matter if it’s just a single rose or a rock

this was found out one time when sebastian gave her a rock bc everyone else had given her like,, two roses each

was afraid she was gonna cry

“thank you so much mr. moran! i will treasure this until i get old!”

she was like 4 at the time

and had the widest smile you’ve ever seen on her

guys u don’t understand she smiles a lot but this was like,, genuine happiness

but everyone was just,, i will destroy the world and myself if anything happens to her

fr it’s just sunshines and rainbows every single time she’s around

everyone just loves her ok

moriarty the patriot general taglist: @zoehanji

[itjazzbicch]

The Big Bang

Pairing: Hook x Fem Reader

Summary: Hook and the reader have been friends since high-school, making it together in pro wrestling and a part of Team Taz. The problems within Team Taz become too overwhelming for them, they try to ignore it and when Ricky explodes on the reader, Hook explodes on him…

Warnings: The reader gets shoved down, but that’s about it

Requested by: No one, but I hope you all enjoy! (This is my first time I’ve written for Hook, so I hope I did well!)

Word Count: 2224

Tag List: @demonqueen29 @jessiebean00 @new-zealand-chic @crowleysqueenofhell l @justamess44 @thatpanpal @hungmanhorsecarriage @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @linziland13 @xxx-jazz-xxx @writtingrose

I DO NOT OWN THIS GIF

“I’m not going to tell you guys again!” Taz yelled, coaching Ricky, Brian, and Hobbs, “We are a team! The best team and you all are gonna start acting like it!”

Being a member of Team Taz was killing me right now. The whole team was a ticking time bomb, except for Hook and I.

[You trying to get out of here? I can’t stand this rn] I texted to Hook who was sitting next to me.

He looked up at me with a small smile, texting back:

[I was going to ask you the same thing. Let’s get out of here]

I quickly looked to see Taz still lecturing the guys , none of them paying attention to us.

Exactly when they had their backs turned, we snuck out. Whenever we made it far down the hall, I let out a deep breath, huffing:

“I don’t know about you, but all their arguing is getting on my nerves.”

“Welcome to the club,” Hook sighed, “They are being so childish like just shut up and wrestle.”

“Yeah no kidding,” I murmured, walking slowly next to him, “Wanna go to the football field?”

“Yeah,” Hook smiled, “I’m down.”

Hook and I have been best friends for a long time, trained together and now, in AEW together.

We thought it would be awesome to be a part of the same team, but the only team there truly was, was Hook and myself.

When we made it to the football field, I went into the center and just laid in the grass.

“I just wish we could wrestle our own matches and get away from all the guys’s bullshit,” I groaned, looking up to see Hook standing next to me.

“Wanna wrestle?” Hook teased, “Then let’s wrestle.”

“A sparring match?” I smirked, sitting up.

“If that’s what you want to call it,” Hook murmured, looking away when he said, “More like a test for you. I’m obviously stronger.”

“Oh?” I chuckled, standing up, “You’re gonna get it now.

“Bring it on!” Hook encouraged, going into stance whenever I came at him with a lock up.

At first, it was a challenge to overpower him, but to gain the advantage, I stepped on his foot, then put him in a headlock, quickly doing a snap headlock take down, putting him in the grass.

“What was that about being stronger?” I teased, rubbing my knuckles against his hair, “Come on, Hook! Bring it on!”

At first, I thought he was crazy when he started laughing, but then he start tickling me!

“HEY!” I yelled out with laughter. I was trying to fight it off, but I couldn’t handle it for very long, I was way too ticklish.

“You cheater!” I screamed over his laughter, the tickling becoming too much.

I let go and ran away, but Hook jumped right up, chasing me.

“Come on! What about our match?!” He laughed, sprinting to catch up with me.

It didn’t take long till he caught up to me, both of us laughing when he wrapped his arms around my waist, reeling me in.

“Hook, stop please!” I laughed, trying to break his force, but he was too strong, tightening his grip.

“This is what you get for running away!” He laughed, somehow still tickling me.

I needed to get out of his grip and finally, I was able too. I was able to squeeze my arms down, slithering away, crawling backwards between his legs then jumping on his back, putting him in a sleeper hold.

“Time to go night night,” I chuckled, not really trying to put him to sleep.

We would play fight like this all the time, we met in high-school and our friendship never really changed. Hook was always the quiet type, but when we became friends, he opened up to me and we always had fun like we were little kids. It was only with me because of how strong our bond was, still play fighting now as young adults.

Like usual, Hook found a way to reverse. He used a lot of strength to swing me and I screamed because I almost fell off of him, but with one arm, he pulled me back up, swinging me around and holding me in both arms.

We were both out of breath, but smiling when our eyes met, staring into each other’s eyes deeply.

“Can we call it quits?” I huffed, still laughing a bit.

“When are you gonna grow up and stop being so ticklish?” He teased, tickling me one last time.

“What do you mean?” I scoffed, “You just can’t stop being ticklish!”

“Take a joke!” Hook groaned, but smiling, his voice a little deeper when he whispered, “I don’t mind. Your laugh is cute.”

“Is that why you tickle me so much?” I said nervously, feeling my cheeks heat up.

“Maybe,” He smiled, his tongue darting across his lower lip.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” I chuckled, about melting in his arms when I saw his head leaning towards mine a little.

I even let my eyes close, but we both jumped when we heard:

“WHAT ARE YOU TWO OUT HERE FOR??”

It was Taz. I forgot how loud he could yell and he about scared me half to death.

“We have to get out to the ring now! Come on!” Taz yelled louder and we just ran, following him.

When we finally made it to the stage, I wasn’t surprised. Ricky and Brian were fighting, AGAIN.

Ricky had the FTW title for some reason and at the same time, they were distracting Hobbs, which made him lose to Adam Page.

They didn’t even care about that. Brian was yelling in Ricky’s face, demanding he give him back the title. Then Hobbs came over and none of them would listen to Taz.

I had enough of this. I couldn’t stand it anymore. So, when Ricky’s hand swung back, the FTW title swinging along with it, I grabbed it.

They all stopped, staring at me and I stood in front of them all, pleading:

“Guys, this needs to stop! We’re a team and a good one when you guys aren’t bickering like children. Please, just stop! We are better than this. We really are!”

“Y/N is right,” Hobbs agreed, nodding his head.

It felt like a moment of peace between us, for the first time in what felt like forever.

Hobbs made me smile with that comment and now that everything was silent, I sighed, “Here, Brian. You’re the champ.”

Brian was smiling too, going to take his title whenever I began to hand it to him, but when I did, Ricky shoved me, knocking me to the ground.

I got slammed right into the titantron, hitting my head hard. I held my head quickly, looking up to see Ricky scared shitless because they were all ready to kill him.

“You son of a-“ Taz began to yell, but all I saw was Hook, knocking Ricky to the ground, throwing punches.

“Hook! Hook!” They all began yelling, Ricky yelling and clenching his injured neck.

“Hook! I said stop!” Taz yelled, but there was no stopping him.

I have never seen Hook so enraged like this before. Hobbs was the one able to contain Hook , turning him to Taz so he could say:

“Son, I don’t blame you for being angry. I know how you feel about her and I’m proud of you for whoopin his ass, but you need to stop.”

Finally, I snapped out of it, Brian kneeling in front of me asking, “Y/N, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I groaned, watching Hook.

His chest was heaving, his eyes animalistic and the moment Ricky picked up his head and looked at Hook, all hell broke lose again.

Hook must have had a crazy adrenaline rush in order to break free from Hobbs grip, going right back to Ricky and about punching his face in.

There was so much yelling and commotion, Hobbs and Brian now trying to hold Hook back, one of them had each of his arms. Hook was still fighting and that’s when I realized that I needed to do something.

Quickly, I jumped to my feet, running at Hook and hugging him.

“Hook,” I stressed, holding his face so he would look me in the eye, “I am just fine, okay? Please just stop. Ricky is not worth the energy.”

Finally, Hook settled down, but was still ready if Ricky even dared to stand up.

“Guys, let him go,” I asked politely, Brian and Hobbs listening.

As soon as they let go, Hook’s arms latched around me, one of his arms around my head, his hand rubbing right where I hit my head.

“You sure you’re alright, baby girl?” Taz asked, “You hit your head hard.”

“I’m fine,” I assured, “I promise.”

I laid my head on Hook’s chest, hearing how hard and fast it was pounding, that increasing when we both looked to see Ricky on his knees.

“We have to go,” I sighed, looking up at Hook, “We can go back to the football field, somewhere.”

Hook still had his eyes set on Ricky, but he quickly looked to me and nodded his head, but before we left, he gave Ricky a death stare, then he kissed my forehead.

“Let’s go,” Hook whispered to me, hearing all of the anger in his voice that deepened.

“Brian, take them to where ever they’re going,” Taz commanded, then pointing to Ricky, “And you?! Your ass is coming with me! Get the hell up!”

Brian came to our side, walking through the tunnel with us and once we were far away enough, Brian said:

“Good job out there, Hook. I enjoyed watching him get his ass kicked.”

His comment made me chuckle, it even made Hook smirk a little despite how angry he still was.

We began to go towards the football field and once it was in sight, I stopped walking, my eyes meeting with Brian’s.

“I don’t mean to be rude, but can Hook and I have some time alone?” I asked sweetly.

“You’re fine!” Brian smiled, “Take your time. I won’t be far if you need me.”

“Thanks, Brian,” I smiled back, “And thanks for walking us out here.”

Brian gave me a simple nod with a smile, then began to walk away. When I turned around, I saw Hook stepping on the football field, kicking at the grass.

I had to jog a little to catch up, but I caught up with him, his pace slowing down once he noticed I was behind him.

“Hook,” I sighed, taking a deep breath when he turned around, a blank expression was on his face, but I smiled, “Thank you.”

Hook looked at me as if he was surprised, curious as to why I was thanking him, at first is expression gave off the feeling that He was ready for a lecture.

“You’ve always had my back,” I smiled, “And I love you for it.”

When I said the word love, a bright smile he was trying to fight appeared but there was no fighting it.

He took a few steps towards me and I thought he was going to say something, but his arm hooked around my hip, pulling me in and his lips crashed right into mine.

It was like the big bang theory blasted in my mind when I felt his lips against mine. A kaleidoscope of colors turning behind my eyes when I felt all the sweetness, a lot of built up emotion, like he had been waiting forever to do this.

My whole body broke out in goosebumps, all of those emotions rolling right off his lips onto mine and every bit of it was so strong.

I made sure I kissed him back with the same amount of passion, so much of it built up inside because there was no trying to hide the truth. The truth that I’ve been dreaming about this for years, happy that we finally gave in and crossed the barrier of friendship and turned into something more.

When my hand stroked his cheek, they were so warm, finding his jaw line and keeping it there, holding it a little tighter when our lips parted and we both gasped quietly.

Our lips were just an inch away, Hook titling his head up just a bit so he could look into my eyes. Slowly, I pushed the little part of his hair that was blocking the view of his eyes, his eyes glowing, brightening when he whispered:

“I wouldn’t have done what I did if I didn’t love you, Y/N.”

I couldn’t stop smiling when he kissed me again, whispering against my lips, “I love you.”

After one more kiss, he hugged me, keeping my head to his chest. I had never been happier in any other place like I was in his arms. Even after that huge fight, our night ended up being beautiful.

“You’ve always had my back,” Hook sighed, looking down at me, “And I will always have yours. You are my girl after all.”

Just when I thought I couldn’t smile any brighter, I did. My cheeks hot again and being raised by my smile, saying to Hook, “Wouldn’t want to have it any other way.”

[squishneedsahero]

Building Bonds

Awesomest of Them All 2.0

Part 3 of 13

Word Count: 1259

Batman x Batmom!Reader

You know what the bat family needs? Someone to pull them together and give them all the love they deserve. Who better to do that than you? An author rising to stardom in Gotham who catches the eye of a billionaire with your standoffish attitude at a huge social gathering. You are yourself and never pretend to be more or less than that. Plus you're the most stubborn person in the world, refusing to let good things go without reason.

This is a rewrite of my story Awesomest of Them All, I wanted to see how much I've improved over 3 years.

"You sure you want to take him with?" Bruce asks.

You look up from packing, "Yes Bruce, have you ever known me to not be sure of something?" You move out of your bedroom to sit on your couch next to Bruce.

He wraps his arms around your waist, "He can be quite the handful," as he speaks you lean against his chest.

"I know," you pause, "but we've been dating for over a year now, and I want to get to know Dick better."

Bruce sighs, "Alright, I'm going to head home and I'll let him know," he stands up and you do as well.

"I'll come pick him up tonight," you lead Bruce to the door of your apartment.

"I'll see you then," he leans in and kisses you before leaving.

"Hello Miss l/n," Alfred greets you at the door.

"Hi Alfred," you say shaking his hand because what else are you supposed to do when someone won't just call you y/n? As soon as you step inside you hear a shout.

"Y/n!" Dick exclaims running up to you and wrapping his arms around you in a hug.

"Hi Dick! Are you ready to go?"

"Almost," Dick releases you and goes to grab his bags.

When you stand up from hugging the boy you feel two arms wrap around your waist from behind you. "Hello you," You say turning around to face Bruce as he holds you tighter.

"Be safe," Bruce says before he kisses you and you kiss back, not as long as you'd like as you hear a gagging noise behind you.

You smirk and pull away from the kiss, "No promises, conventions can be quite dangerous," you release from the hug as you lay a hand dramatically across your forehead. You then turn to face Dick, "you ready now?"

"Yup!"

"Then let's go," You say going to help him carry his bags. You take the duffel bag from the eleven year old and throw it over your shoulder. "See You next week," you say kissing Bruce one last time.

"See ya," Dick says hugging Bruce then Alfred.

"Be good," Bruce says ruffling Dicks hair.

"Goodbye Master Dick," Alfred says hugging the boy back.

"Were driving?" Dick asks when he sees how packed your car is.

"Well I am, but yes we're driving," you reply to his question.

"Cool," Dick says, "we usually just fly to things, it's been a while since I've been on a road trip..." he trails off sounding slightly down.

"You get to be the D.j.," you say waving at the radio, trying to lighten the mood as you get what he's saying about the last time he'd been on a road trip, as it was probably last with his parents, the flying Graysons.

"Really?" Dick looks at the radio then back to you excitedly.

"Yup. We'll listen to whatever you want to," you say, smiling at him.

He turns on the radio and finds the aux cord and plugs it into his phone and hits shuffle. He's heard the weird music you listen too, a little bit of everything so he knows you won't judge his taste in music. He obviously still picks a playlist he thinks you'd approve of that is all Disney music since that's always a safe bet to play around adults when you're only 10.

The two of you bond during the long drive to Metropolis, singing along to all the classics such as Under the Sea and Hakuna Matata. The both of you share a joint hotel room for the night, Dick in his own room to be sure he's comfortable and knows he is free to have boundaries with you. The two of you go out to dinner at a fancy restaurant and bump into some reporter who apparently knows both Dick and Bruce relatively well.

The tall broad shouldered man introduces himself as Clark Kent and you introduce yourself just for Clark's girlfriend Lois to ask you for an interview while you're in town.

You're about to turn her down but Dick answers for you, saying he's sure you'd love too and he'd just go hang out with Clark for a while. It's a little odd but you go with it since Dick seems so excited about it. After talking for a while and setting up a time to meet they leave the restaurant to let you and Dick finish your dinner and desert before going back to the hotel.

The two of you walk into the convention center and Dick exclaims, "Woah! This is awesome!"

"Yeah, it is," you say following him where ever he went. You had let Dick pick the costumes so you were dressed as (Disney Princess) and him as (Quirky Sidekick), since today wasn't a day you had a panel for the third book of the series you were writing. "So, where to first?"

He shrugs, "I don't know," he keeps craning his neck to look around, "I've never been to one of these before."

You shake your head and tsk softly, "come on, I'll teach you how to enjoy a comicon kiddo," you gently take his hand and lead the way incognito over to the artists alley.

The main reason you gave Dick for being dressed up was so less people would recognize you since you really had blown up in popularity since releasing your first and second books and the third being released this year.

In the artists alley you both look at all the cool stickers and pins that they had made. You get lots of stuff since you could now afford to actually support the artists with more than a like and a follow.

As the two of you wander you come across someone who had drawn some merch for your series. Their art was amazing, catching the character's personalities perfectly. It's as you're talking with the artist about their different work that they suddenly recognize you as y/n l/n and not as just another fan.

You smile and laugh softly, this was the one reason you enjoyed being a public figure, so that you could make people's days in such a small way by just liking their art or smiling at them. Anyways, Dick is hungry so you hurry along since you know he won't complain as he's used to Bruce getting held up. Anyways you quickly get the artist's contact information and take a picture with them, letting them know they can share it that night once the con was over for the day.

After that you move on with Dick to find some junk food to eat and a couple panels to sit in on. Over all the two of you have an amazing week together, bonding over movies, music and food. You get interviewed by Lois who is just as confused as you are as to how Clark and Dick know each other. Then you have a fan panel yourself at the con, answering lots of fan's questions. Plus the fact that you finally found someone to be the official artist for your books.

With a week spent together you and Dick are closer than ever. The two of you hadn't been not close but without Bruce and Alfred not around to buffer your interactions you have closer to what you think a mother son relationship should be like. After that week spent together you head back home to Gotham, the two of you had had fun but it would be nice to get back to normal life once again.

[earthfire-75]

You Send Me Flying

Chapter Seven:

(Author’s notes: co-written with @nature-and-music, beta’d by @lady-jane-revisited. Based on The Dirt movie as I don’t yet own the book. Warnings: language and smut)

We headed down stairs and piled into her car, her driving and myself in the passenger seat with the other guys in the back. My fingers were itching to reach out for her, but I fought off the urge. No reason to give those idiots any more fuel. When we pulled into the place, I prepared myself for their antics, because where of all places does she take us? A sex shop.

They’re whooping and laughing in the back seat when they realize it and even she giggles a bit. “Alright, get it all out now. I expect you to act like adults when we get in there. Got it?” She was trying to be stern, but her unsuccessfully-stifled giggles weren’t helping. It was infectious and I cracked a smile as well.

“Good luck with that,” I commented as I got out of the car.

We went inside and she got the clerk to help us with the boots while she looked out for a few other things to pull the costumes together. It went surprisingly smoothly and we met her at the checkout where she pays for it all. I let the other guys go ahead of me, but I pulled her off to the side.

“Have you been paying for all this?”

“Yeah. I mean, Nikki put me in charge of costuming.”

I must have looked as furious as I felt, because she was suddenly standing up straighter and placed her hands on my cheeks with concern on her face. “Mick, what is it? What’s wrong?”

“You’ve been paying for everything out of your own pocket! I’m guessing without help?!”

“Wait…No. Mick, look at me. Nikki and I pooled some of our savings together. Tommy and Vince threw in some too and we opened a bank account for the band. We didn’t ask you, because you’re paying child support.”

My eyes shot to hers for a second before looking away again. I quietly replied, “They weren’t supposed to tell you about that.”

“Yeah, well they were supposed to tell you about the account. What are we going to do with our children, dad?”

Something stirred in me, hearing her call me that. It surprised me that I would react like that, but I pulled her flush against me, letting her feel how hard I was getting. “Screw the kids, say that again.”

“What? Dad?” She asks, sounding confused at first, but then her eyes lit up as the dots connected in her mind and she leaned her head a little to the side so her lips just grazed my ear. “Or would you prefer “Daddy?” She pulled back, looking up at me with innocent eyes and started to back away.

A low growl escaped me at the game she was playing and I managed to hook my fingers through her belt loops before she could turn around to escape. “Oh, no you don’t, Princess.” I tugged her back to me and she gasped when our hips met but there’s a loud honk from her car before I got the chance to kiss her. The trio of idiots were staring straight through the shop’s glass windows from outside at us.

“Get a room!” came their collective cheer.

“I’m gonna kill them.”

“No, you’re not.”

I grumbled under my breath and she shot me a look that told me it would be better for me if I didn’t. “Fine. I won’t.”

She put the bags in the trunk and we headed back to the apartment. The guys and I practiced some more while she locked herself in her unit again to tirelessly work on putting the costumes together. She came back up a little after lunch with her arms full of red and black pleather, one of the boot boxes and a small sewing kit. She handed the pleather material and boots to Nikki before shooing him off to go try it on.

***

Reader’s POV

Nikki took the pile from my arms so I could take the sewing kit. His face lit up, like a kid being given his first present on Christmas, and he ran off to his bedroom. I paced around the front room of the apartment waiting for the bassist to come out. I almost sighed in relief when he finally did with a serious look on his face.

“How does it fit?” I asked, sounding as nervous as I felt.

“Like a fuckin’ glove, man! This is awesome!” He enthused, now cracking a smile and turning for all to see the outfit, front and back before coming up to me and giving me a bear hug.

I laughed and returned the hug. “Are you sure it fits ok?

“Yes, stop worrying! I promise I love it!”

“Ok…if you’re sure. Do you want to keep it here, or do you want me to hold onto it?”

“It’s probably better if you hang on to the costumes. They might get ruined here.”

“Alright. Go change back.”

“Am I next, dude?” Tommy asked, practically bouncing on his feet.

“No. Yours is last because it’s the easiest.”

“Aww, man! Wait, shouldn’t Mick’s be the easiest? His is all black, dude!”

“It might be all black, but I had to sew a damn jacket! Sounds easy, right? It’s not.”

“Oh…damn, dude.”

I turned to the singer, “Vince you’re up.”

The man jumped up from his seat and happily grabbed the outfit, giving it a look-over before trying it on “Sweet!” He comes out looking just as excited as his fellow bassist, “This is so awesome! Check me out, man.”

“And it feels alright? It’s not too tight or too loose or anything?”

Vince was a little busy running his hands over the material at first, but then answered me nonetheless, “You kidding? It fits great. We’re gonna be so badass! The chicks are gonna love it!”

The rest of the gang could agree on that matter, giving each other high fives. I smiled and let him know that I could hold on to it all for them. I gulped as I gathered the next outfit for Mick, clearly seeing the rest of the guys lurking over him like a group of vultures. The guitarist kept his cool and said nothing, aside from a slight grunt as he got up from the couch. He gave me a quiet expression of thanks and headed over the bedroom once Vince returned with his clothing and placed it on the table. Some minutes passed while he was changing and though so far there were no complaints, l still wondered if he was alright, or if he needed any assistance. After seeing him in pain like that, I was getting a little worried.

“Hey I need a little help here,” Mick notified.

I made my way towards the room, ignoring Tommy’s repeated attempt to get under my skin by commenting not to take too long. I knocked on the door, “Mick, are you decent?”

“Yeah, come in, just shut the door.”

The man was nowhere to be found after I closed the door and looked around. However my heart started to slam against my ribcage when he stepped out of the bathroom wearing his full ensemble, a big smirk across his face. The black on black look was absolutely perfect on him. The pentagram headband, the studded boots with the intertwining chains, the belts across his chest, the pleather, and the collar. Jesus Christ. The pleather and collar were too much for me. Minus the make up, he was so close to looking the way he did in my dream, the sinister and demonic creature that put me over the makeup table and took me for a ride. I wanted him, no I wanted nothing more than to let him have me anywhere]: pressed against the wall, letting him roughly pull down my pants so that I could spread my legs and he could taste me. Then grab me by shoulders, hurl me onto the bed, and beg for him to fuck me until I couldn’t walk. Still, the costume would get ruined and of course we would never hear the end of it from the idiot patrol.

“This is really cool, you really outdid yourself with this,” he remarked, walking closer to me.

It finally hit me, “You didn’t really need any help did you?” I asked, closing in the gap by hooking my finger in the ring of his collar, biting my lip as I stared deeply into those sparkling blue eyes. That must have done something to him, his breathing becoming a little shaken, and his eyes widening when I whispered to him, “Daddy...”

His pupils were suddenly dilated, blackness engulfing the pale irises. The next thing I knew, Mick held me very close to his body, his hands grasping my back. I tried to keep my sighs quiet as he kissed my lips, however I couldn’t help but let a squeal slip out when he deliciously devoured my neck with his mouth. The heat from our bodies only increased when he pressed me against a wall, his kisses becoming hungrier by the second as my own hands tugged at his raven black locks.

“Mick, oh Mick...” I whispered.

However reality had reared its ugly head back into the frame when we heard banging from the other side, “Hey! Quit fucking around you two!” Tommy wailed. “Come on, that’s our room!”

Mick shouted back, “Fuck you, you fucking teenager! Open those legs, Princess. Daddy needs you-”

“No, no Mick. Please not now, it’s not a good time. Not with those three right outside the door.”

He was clearly frustrated but took his hands off of me, groaning ast he backed off. Still, I wanted him just as badly, so I thought of a different alternative as I clicked the door shut, lifted up my shirt, and pulled down my bra, “Mark me then, please Daddy.”

Without hesitation, Mick immediately held my breasts and pressed his lips to my skin. He was gentle at first, looking at me to see if I was enjoying the feeling of his mouth. I could feel the pulsations between my legs increasing as I whispered his name. I gasped when he took a nipple and suckled on it with ease, but I needed more from him. No sooner did I settle my hand onto the back of his head that he increased the speed of his sucking. His lips were wet, creating a very moistened sound that invaded my ears. He switched over to the other side and did the same, biting down a bit and moving his head back until my sensitive bud was released from his ivories. The sounds of Tommy’s knocking had completely drowned out as he pleasured me with his mouth and I moaned loudly. I couldn’t stop watching the way he pleased me, feeling my panties getting soaked, especially when I saw the fresh blemishes and crescent marks that were upon my chest. I was nearly there and so was he, yet he had to stop for both our sakes.

He gave each breast one gentle kiss and one little lick to my nipples, he leaned into my ear and growled, “You took that like a good girl, Princess. But Daddy doesn’t want to ruin all your hard work.”

I was in a trance as I responded back instinctively, “Thank you Daddy.”

@nature-and-music @lady-jane-revisited @mickmarstookmyheart @sophiazeppelinchick

[jerzwriter]

50 Shades of Ethan - A crossover spoof

Book: Open Heart/ The Nanny Affair / The Royal Romance

Pairing: Ethan x F!MC (Casey MacTavish) - but mostly a girls night

Summary: Former college roommates Gaby Dalton (TNA), Queen Riley (TRR) and Casey MacTavish (OH) each bring a friend to see the new release of 50 Shades of Grey. It is an enlightening experience, especially for Casey.

Category: Fluff; fun; one-shot; pure silliness.

Rating: Adult Content

Warnings: Mentions of adult situations; maybe language

Word Count: 1625

A/N: Big thank you to @txemrn who inspired me and a bigger thank you to David Gandy who inspired us. This is what is born of silly chats at 1:00 AM. I hope you enjoy it!

A/N2: I am participating in this week’s @wackydrabbles! The prompt can be found below in bold.

CHARACTERS BELONG TO PIXELBERRY STUDIOS

***Ring *** Ring ***

Casey sluggishly lifted her head off her pillow and glared at her alarm clock.

5:02 AM

She let out a pained sigh and closed her eyes. Maybe it will stop.

***Ring *** Ring ***

It wasn't stopping. So she rolled over to see who had the audacity to call at this ungodly hour.

Incoming: Gaby Dalton

“Gaby, this better involve a bodily injury. I just got off a long shift! What are you even doing up at 5:02 AM?”

“I’m going for my jog…”

Casey muttered curses under her breath.

“What?”

“I said you make me sick…but I still love you. Now, what is so important that needed to call me at this hour?”

“OK! So, they made a 50 Shades remake, and it’s being released next month!!!” Gaby squealed.

“That’s wonderful, Gaby, but why do I care….”

“You care because they cast David Gandy as the new Christian Grey.”

Wide awake, Casey jumped out of bed. “SHUT UP!”

“NO!”

“SHUT UP!”

“NO!”

“OMG, Gaby, this is huge - we need to celebrate!”

“Oh, I bet it will be huge…”

“Gaby!”

“OK, this requires a girl’s night…”

“Absofreakinglutely!”

“I’ll call Riley, maybe she can fly in.”

“That would be awesome!”

“Let’s each bring a friend…I’ll bring Jenny, of course.”

Casey groaned at the suggestion. “Gaby, really?”

“What’s wrong with Jenny? You like Jenny?”

“I love Jenny! But the girl doesn’t have a modicum of self-control! She’ll probably need Depends to make sure she doesn’t slip off her seat!”

“Hmmm. You’re not wrong but Depends, that’s so… Iw… I know, we’ll get her some latex. It's keeping with the theme.”

“Can’t argue with you there. Let’s do this in Boston. I mean, Riley married a prince; you’ve got your billionaire. I assume both of you have private jets at your disposal?"

“Oh, yes. Poor Casey! Your man is only one of the top doctors of his generation. Clearly, you're slumming."

“Uhm, he's only the best doctor of his generation until I surpass him!”

“That's the spirit!" Gaby laughed. "This is going to be great; I’m calling Riley – I’ll text you deets later!”

Giddy, Casey returned her phone to the nightstand and slipped back under the covers.

Ethan twisted in the sheets and rolled over to hold her close. “Who was that, and do I even want to know what you were discussing?”

“Gaby and, hmm, you may be mildly interested," Casey teased. "Do you still have that leather harness lying around?”

The day of the premier finally arrived, and the ladies are ready for the Gandyman! Gaby and Jenny were waiting in the posh, private theater when Casey and Sienna rushed in to greet them.

“OH MY GOD!" Gaby exclaimed as she pulled her friend into a tight hug. "It is SO good to see you!" When the others turned away, Gaby smiled at Casey and mouthed... “LATEX” while giving a thumbs up. Sending her friend into a fit of giggles.

“You’ve both met Sienna before."

Sienna nervously eyed the security team assembled at the door. “Yes, we have," she started. "But I’ve never met royalty before. I’m a bit scared do I have to…”

“Sienna, " Gaby interrupted. "She’s not royalty; she’s Riley! And I promise, she doesn’t bite.”

Casey tapped Gaby on the shoulder and pointed toward the door. "No, Riley doesn't bite... but she does.”

Gaby looked up to find Olivia Nevrakis dressed from head to toe in black studded leather, various weapons concealed in strategic spots.

“Uhm, Case," Sienna asked anxiously. "Were we supposed to cosplay for this?”

Hearing her, Riley burst into laughter. "Oh, no! This is just how she dresses. Hana wasn’t feeling well, so Olivia joined me instead.”

“Oh, thank God!” Sienna yelped. “Because I wouldn’t even know where to shop for something like that!”

Gaby crossed her arms and shot Casey a knowing smirk. "I'm sure someone would have helped you, Sienna."

“GABY!” She scolded, then winked. "OK, I would have helped her."

Jenny looked at her watch and squealed - a bit too enthusiastically. “OMG!!! The movie starts in five minutes! Bring me some Gandy Candy!”

“It'll be fine,” Gaby whispered to Casey, “I mean, you’re not sitting next to her. I am.”

As the ladies began to take their seats, a waiter approached them carrying an array of shots.

“Over here!” Sienna smiled. “I ordered these for us. I thought it would be a good way to start off the night!”

“It's perfect!" Jenny enthused. “I need to steady my nerves because…. DAVID GANDY!”

“You know Jenn, I get it," Casey agreed. "I couldn’t even bring myself to be mad at Gaby for waking me at 5:00 AM when she first heard the news!”

Riley picked a shot from the tray and raised her glass. “Well, to David Freaking Gandy!”

Everyone clinked their glasses together, giddy with excitement. Well, everyone except Oliva. She rolled her eyes and slumped into her seat. The others joined her and silence overtook the theater as the credits began to roll.

“Christian” finally appeared on screen... larger than life and resplendent in a perfectly tailored grey Armani suit. All the women (except Olivia) gasped. Then he removed his jacket... his tie... then began to slowly unbutton his shirt….

“Oh my, God…” Casey groaned as her fingers dug into the side of her seat.

“Uh, Case?”

“Yes, Si?”

“Doesn't he... remind you of anyone?”

“Yes!!" Casey exclaimed. "A god put on this Earth for us all to worship.”

“Uh, OK then….” Sienna said, averting her eyes from the screen.

“Sienna, what's wrong with you? Why are you looking away from that?!” Riley reprimanded.

“Uh, no reason... except he looks like… you know, never mind.”

On screen, a shirtless "Christian" sauntered into his playroom wearing nothing but skintight jeans that left little to the imagination and a broad smile…

“OK! Clean up on aisle 1! I cannot take anymore!!!” Jenny shrieked.

Sienna peeked over at Casey. "Are you OK? You look a little….”

“Not now, Si…" she scoled. "I'm having trouble breathing!"

“Olivia, are you enjoying this at all?” Riley asked.

“It's amusing," she replied with a dismissive wave of her hand. "But the equipment is... amateurish! It pales in comparison to what we have in our torture chambers in Lythikos. Though, I am texting our Tourism Minister right now; we should capitalize on this!”

“Hey, Jenn," Gaby stated. "Haven’t heard from you in a few, just making sure we don’t need to do CPR or anything….”

When there is no response, Gaby looked to find Jenn leaning over the side of her chair. “Jenn? Are you all right?"

Her friend lurched up, holding a bright blue personal misting fan. “Look, I knew it would be hot. I brought extras. Does anyone need one?”

A chorus of yesses ensued as each of the women... except Olivia... eagerly grabbed a fan.

The movie ended and everyone (except Olivia) was flustered.

“HOLY CRAP, that was so HOT!" Sienna exclaimed. "But, Casey, have you seen the resemblance by now?"

“Si, are you talking about an old patient or something? I'm really at a loss."

"You know, I hate each of you right now," Jenny interrupted. "You're all going home to a boyfriend or hubby tonight... and where do I put all this pent-up energy?"

“Well, we’re going to Donahue’s first,” Casey stated. "From what I understand, there will be a lineup of our finest residents waiting to greet the throngs of frustrated single women leaving this movie. You may do well for yourself!”

“OH. MY. GOD!!!! Is the.scalpel.jockey going to be there? I follow him on Picta, and he is SO FREAKING HOT. Or what about this guy," she asked, whipping out her phone. " I see he is a friend of yours….”

Gabby shook her head with a sigh. “Apparently, that fan didn’t nothing to cool her off, did it?"

_____________

“Oh, my God! This place is so cool!” Riley approved. “Next time we're in Boston, we have to bring our friends here. Drake and Maxwell would love it.”

Olivia shuddered on her barstool. “Yes, Drake would be in his element, but that’s not a selling point. As to Maxwell, he would be excited at an insurance seminar, so do you really want to use him as a barometer?”

“Is she always this scary?” Sienna whispered to Riley.

“No, she’s usually she's much worse.”

“So Case,” Gaby yelled, “Do we get to meet your amazing Dr. Boyfriend or whatever?”

“Gab! He is not my boy… oh, goddam! He is! But, he is on duty tonight, so I don’t know if we will get to see him….”

“Uh, Case…” Sienna said pointing to the door.

“Ethan?!” Casey yelled, excitedly waving him over.

Ethan rushed to her side, pulling her into a embrace, and placing a passionate kiss on her lips. Casey pulled back, a bit dazed, but grinning.

Gaby, Jenny, and Riley all gasped... their jaws slacked.

“I tried telling her,” Sienna shrugged.

“Baby, these are my old roommates. This is Gaby and her friend Jenny, and this is Riley and her friend Olivia….”

“Hello,” he said, extending his hand, but no one moved, all too busy staring. “Why are you all looking at me like that?”

Gaby jumped up and shook Ethan's hand feverishly.

“Uhm, no, no reason. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Davi, uhm, Ethan. We’ve heard so much about you.”

“Babe, why are you here?" Casey asked. "I thought you were working the ER tonight?”

Ethan squeezed the bridge of his nose. “I was, but they sent me home early. Insisted on it!”

“Why?”

“Well, this movie you saw, it’s causing major issues in emergency rooms all over Boston!”

Casey looked perplexed, “Uhm, how so?”

“Increased cases of hyperventilation, heart palpitations, I have no idea how but apparently a ton of slip and falls, then there are the reenactment injuries…”

“Oh my God,” Casey chuckled. "You’re kidding me! But if they’re so busy, why send you home?”

“They said I was making it worse.”

“What? How is that possible?”

Gaby rolled her eyes as she grabbed her phone to pull up a photo of David Gandy. Stepping on a bar stool, she held the photo directly over Ethan’s shoulder and said yelled. “Casey, LOOK!!”

Casey covered her mouth with a gasp. “Oh, my God!!!”

Sienna smugly sipped her drink. "Now do you see it?"

“Oh. My. GOD!!!” She repeated.

Riley tapped Sienna on the shoulder and whispered. “I think she sees it now…”

“Uhm, uh, OK guys… It’s been great seeing you…" Casey gushed. "Uh, let’s have breakfast before you leave tomorrow, but…uhm, Ethan and I... WE GOTTA GO!”

Ethan glanced at her, dumbfounded. “Casey, what are you…”

But Casey wasn't having hit. She grabbed his hand and gave him “the look.” “Baby… we have got to go … NOW!!!”

“It was nice meeting you….” Ethan hollered as Casey pulled him out of the bar.

When they reached the door, she turned to him with urgency and asked, “Hun, you DO still have that leather harness lying around, RIGHT?”

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