#I quit my last job after a big ole situation with the new manager

[just-a-cinnamon-bun]

I just got a new job and I’m relieved by how much I like it so far.

[anika-ann]

A Cup of Truth (S.R)

Type: One-shot, a bit of coffee shop AU

Pairing: Steve Rogers x fem!reader    Word Count: 3000

Summary: Your favourite pretty blond comes in every day to get a cup of good ol’ joe. You flirt on occasion; mostly you, because your suit of armour – which people boringly call an apron – and his smiles give you confidence.

When the band of dumb goons picks your damn workplace to attack, your confidence flies out of the window. Well. Good thing that the resident Avenger heroes save the day including the one in his all-American star-spangled glory.

Prompt: “You can’t mask that ass. I’d know it anywhere.” (Bold in the text)

Warnings: hostage situation, violence, non-consensual drug use/injected, hospitals, slightly crack-ish humour (?) and some fluff

A/N: For marvelcapsicle’s challenge. Thank you for letting me participate, darling, may you gain more and more sweet followers in the future ♥

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Here’s a thing: Steve Rogers had a lot of fight in him. Before or after injected with the serum, no matter his shirt size, no matter if he could swing his fists effectively or not, he would punch bullies in their face.

When it came to people close to his heart, that rule amplified tenfold. No one touched the people he cared for. And while he would not necessarily call all of them friends, he would go rabid should any harm come their way.

To be fair, the list of ‘his people’ who were still alive wasn’t long; he could almost count them on the fingers of one hand. Tony. Natasha. Clint. Thor. Bruce. Probably Fury. Really, his circle was a bit monotonous, people who could protect themselves just fine at most times, but simultaneously with high-risk job of being the first defence line for the world’s greatest threats.

And then there was you.

You, with your inviting smile whenever he appeared at your counter at the café he had discovered during his endless walks.

You, handing him a drink different to his usual ‘boring’ cup of joe once a week, because that was the deal you had offered and Steve, caught in his curiosity about today’s world and your adorable challenging expression, agreed.

You, with your pretty eyes, irises twinkling at his attempts at flirting, no matter how awkward and out-of-time they sounded, graciously returning the favour… if he was reading the situation right.

You, always grinning wide when discovering a doodle he had left on his napkin, taking it with you back to the counter.

You, blissfully unaware of his double life, genuine in your demeanour, dealing with plain old Steve Rogers, and perfectly safe; at least as safe as one could be on Manhattan.

You in a headlock, as five rogue SHIELD agents decided to crash into the café you worked at of all the damn places, choosing it with deadly precision and nearly driving the poor Captain America into a cardiac arrest.

Not that you had any idea your life mattered to the proclaimed Star-Spangled Man more than anyone else’s. You were the exception to the rule; you were the precious outsider Steve caught feelings for, the one that was not supposed to learn about his other persona for at least a while longer and sure as hell was not supposed to get herself in a mess like this one.

Steve stood frozen as Natasha had two men at gunpoint, Clint fighting another, the last one having been already knocked down by Steve himself. The only injured people were the few customers, scarce at the hour, and the employees; some bruises and insignificant bleeding wounds between all of them.

The worst problem still remained; Perez had his arm around your neck, visibly squeezing your windpipe at least partly if the colour of your face – one stained in tears and Steve could kill at the moment, kill with no remorse – was anything to go by.

He gripped his shield tighter, staring the man down with his jaw clenched and his heart beating its way out of his chest, the syringe at your carotid scaring him more than the reduced airflow to your lungs.

“It’s over, Perez! Let her- let the woman go,” Steve howled, knees slightly bend in posture allowing him to spring forward at any second, to throw his weapon, to punch the living daylight of the bastard that not only betrayed SHIELD, but put his hands on you.

Big, big mistake. He really shouldn’t have done that.

“I like her exactly where she is, Cap,” Perez snarled, a wicked smile on his bloody lips, only his eyes giving away a fraction of his fear. “Move and she gets a ticket straight to hell.”

Perez was outnumbered and he knew it; even if he managed to escape, they would find him easily with Tony Stark’s system of surveillance. Yet, he tightened his grip and with you involuntarily acting like a human shield for him, he started backing away, gaze flickering between the three present Avengers.

Natasha’s right arm twitched as if she wanted to shoot him on spot – but she didn’t want to risk leaving the other two without the threat of immediate death for even a second.

And then several things happened at once; Clint knocked his opponent down with the construction of his bow; Perez who saw it lost his nerve and swiftly slammed the needle into your neck, piercing your skin easily, as easily as Steve’s panicked shout ripped from his throat.

The next second, an arrow was sticking from Perez’ shoulder as he jerked back with a cry of pain and Clint put another arrow through his hand, adding one to his thigh for a good measure. Two gunshots sounded in the background, Natasha’s aim as unmistakable as ever.

Perez fell to the ground with a scream, not even reaching for the gun in his holster before Steve was there to knock him out with a brutal hit straight to his face with his vibranium shield. The crack sounding at the impact was like music to Steve’s ears, the blood spurting from Perez’ nose a pleasant visual.

Yet, it didn’t feel half as satisfactory as Steve hoped as you had stumbled and toppled over your own feet. He barely managed to slow down your fall, gloved palm shooting up under the spot between your shoulder blades, his other hand holding your shoulder. He supported your enfeebled weight as you practically lied over the unconscious man.

Steve didn’t bother paying attention to his surroundings, knowing that the noise around him was Romanoff and Barton apprehending the remaining thugs. Instead, his gaze scanned you head to toe, focusing on your face and neck when he couldn’t find any other injury.

You were pale, eyes misted, unfocused, skin worryingly cold to his touch.

“Hey-- hey! Can you hear me?” Steve demanded urgently, lightly patting your cheek.

At that, your pupils zeroed on him, wide with disbelief, and to his immense shock, a lazy smile spread on your lips.

“Steve?” you breathed out his name and blood crystalized in his veins, his heart, already panicking, speeding up. How did you know his name? Perhaps the drug, the whatever liquid in the syringe was taking effect and you were turning delirious? Shit, they needed a doctor-- “You’re the pretty blond. Steve. My flirty Steve… my hero. Everyone’s hero.”

Steve’s horror escalated with each word. Good news: you were still breathing and apparently quite lucid, even if your speech was more of a mumble. Bad news: his secret identity just blew up.

Luckily, he considered the good news much more important; and lucid he would like to keep you, so he shot Natasha and Clint a meaningful glare, wordlessly asking them to call help. He wasn’t sure whether it registered because both of the spies were staring at him wide-eyed as the woman in his arms just outed him like the café’s regular… one that flirted with her, no less.

Steve cleared his throat, focusing on his mission – to keep you talking. There was no much point in denying it, was it?

“Eh... yeah, it’s me. How-how did you know? I wear a mask-“

“Muscly… real muscly… and that ass,” you muttered and Steve nearly choked on his spit, certain that he just turned red all over, including the area you pointed out.

Wait, did that mean that you had been checking him out?

So not important right now.

“Oh, uhm- how are you feeling? We have to-“

“You can’t mask that ass. I’d know it anywhere,” you continued babbling as if you hadn’t heard him and Steve gulped, feeling his teammates, who still hadn’t called a doctor, what the actual hell- watching you with interest. ”…could bounce a penny off it… no, that ain’t right, a quarter off of it, that’s it… Dream of it sometimes… biting-“

Clint coughed loudly to cover his laughter, finally springing into action after that uncomfortable remark that gave Steve quite a visual he wasn’t sure how he felt about just yet.

“Alright, as amusing as this is, we should get her some medical attention…”

Steve only took his eyes off of you for a moment, shooting Barton a look that screamed ‘You think?!’

“I want to touch it… please lemme touch it—just once,” you pleaded quietly, swaying even in your practically horizontal position, straining your neck to catch a glimpse of the object of your interest. “The best I’ve even seen-“

“I think it’s ethanol she got injected with…” Natasha announced, sniffing the syringe with disgust in her voice. “High concentration.”

And Steve felt like he just got hit by Thor’s hammer… in his head. Seriously?

“…alcohol?” he asked, dumbstruck and utterly relieved, the heavy weight in his stomach lifting a bit. “You think she’s merely… drunk?”

“Well, alcohol straight to the bloodstream is seriously nasty on its own, S-“

“Alcohol nasty, yesss. And this really hurts,” your voice interrupted Natasha and Steve’s heart clenched uncomfortably when the surprised grimace appeared on your face, your eyes indeed clouding in pain, looking up at him, doe-eyed, so vulnerable and trusting.

“Hey, no sad Steeb! Your eyes pretty too. Little pictures you draw… so suuuper cute. I like your hair. You came in the day, wind blew, so messy-- like bed hair, wanna try top that-- I betcha I can do better-“

“Sounds drunk enough to you?” Natasha hummed casually and Steve didn’t even have to look at her to know she was smirking, while he was both fretting over your state and blushing to the roots of his hair because of your blunt compliments and unfiltered fantasies.

You turned your head slowly to Nat as she spoke, a crooked grin curling up your lips. “Hey, you’re pretty too-“

Much to Steve’s annoyance, the Russian spy had the audacity to chuckle and wink at you.

“Why thank you-“

“But prefer blonds,” you babbled again, lowering your voice conspiratorially. “He’s real nice. His biceps are like… huge. Bigger than my head-- ow, my head… spi-spinning- I think-? Whoa— oh… “

Steve called out your name in panic as you went limp in his arms, your body pliant, folding like a house of cards.

“I like her,” Clint noted as he jogged to Steve’s side, kneeling to take your pulse on the unharmed carotid with a furrow to his brows. “The medics are on their way, she’ll hold on until then.”

Steve sighed in relief when Clint nodded in affirmation again, feeling your heart still beating.

Steve’s grip on your tightened, hand sliding behind your head to cradle it gently rather than letting it dangle in such unnatural angle. He manoeuvred it so your cheek rested against his chest, his newly free hand sneaking under your knees so he could lift you with ease as he stood up.

“Nice, Rogers. Keep going like this, squads with weights, and you’ll keep that exceptional ass of yours in shape,” Natasha teased him, but when he turned to glare at her, she gave him a soft smile and beckoned towards your nearly motionless body. “She’ll be okay. Let’s go get her some help.”

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Your head was pounding. The right side of your neck was itchy as hell and felt extremely stiff. The beeping sounding in your ears was a thing from nightmares, echoing in your aching skull.

You felt like shit and honestly, you could cry when you tried to open your eyes and the sharp light hit them, making you swiftly close them again.

A realization slowly crept at you that there was a presence of an intrusive smell too, making you want to puke— or was that just the brutal hangover? Because you felt unbelievably hungover on top of everything. The world seemed to be spinning even behind your closed eyelids and you couldn’t but groan, deciding to only curse the universe mentally since your throat resembled a Sahara Desert.

“Oh, hey gorgeous,” a female voice greeted you from your left and you snapped your eyes open with a startle, staring with shock at the beautiful redhead sitting by your bedside.

For few long seconds, you wondered if you died and went to heaven, because there was a non-descript angelic-like creature watching over you.  You quickly brushed that thought aside, because there was no way Heaven looked like a hospital room and provided you with such shitty sensations attacking your poor body.

So you asked the only logical question, ignoring the dryness of your mouth which soon cause you to cough.

“…who are you?”

A plastic cup with a heavenly cold liquid landed in front of you, the straw sticking from it directed to your lips as the stunning woman frowned discontentedly.

“Oh, you don’t remember?” she asked, seemingly hurt. “My heart is breaking! You told me I was pretty.”

You blinked slowly, finally adjusting to the light, finally able to talk without pain (that much pain, that was) and your head started pounding some more, embarrassment filling every fibre of your being.

What the- oh god, you had really got drunk, hadn’t you, and now you had a total blackout on what you had been up to in your questionable state.

“Eeeer… I did? I mean, you are… but-“

“But you prefer blonds, yeah, I know,” the mysterious woman finished your sentence to her liking and your eyes went wide. How did she- and who was she again, sitting in your hospital room like that? Had you really got so smashed that you didn’t remember her when you should have? When had you met? Shit, your mind was so foggy… “And you think Steve’s a bit prettier. And his ass is the best you’ve ever seen, so I get it…”

“The hell?!” you squealed in utter horror, sitting up straight as the words registered, a flash of blue, red and white flickering in the back of your mind, followed by a sharp stung in your temples. A nauseatingly strong pain resembling an intense cramp – only like ten times worse – shot up your neck as you moved so quickly, ripping a startled yelp from your throat.

A hazy image of the café you worked at blended into a picture Steve’s beautiful eyes – did this woman know your regular, your handsome flirty blond regular? –, sensation of gentle hands cradling your jaw, a sting in your neck—

“You need to be careful with how much you move. Your neck took quite a hit, they had to perform a surgery on you, you got a transfusion. They worried about your brain too. They’ve been monitoring you for four days now and this is the first time you’re awake,” your stranger explained patiently, voice full of compassion.

Your hand involuntarily rose to massage the incriminated place, still unsure of what the woman was talking about, the images in your brain confusing the hell out of you. You still had no idea who she was, but her face was starting to feel a bit familiar – you assumed that whatever had happened, she had been there too, possibly helping you.

And there was something in her green eyes, cautious yet somewhat calming, making it easy to trust her for some inexplicable reason.

“Steve’s gonna be pissed at me for missing it,” she added and grinned. “I made him leave to take care of himself before he could actually start taking roots in here. He’s been worried too. A lot.”

The amount of question marks in your head just doubled, but at the same time, your heart fluttered. Steve had visited you? Often, apparently? That was really, really sweet of him. The thought of him guarding you – and didn’t he have a physique of a bodyguard, once mentioning he was in private security when asked –, brought a dreamy smile to your face.

Perhaps it wasn’t only about flirting for him either…?

“Keep looking so lovestruck and I might forgive him that he hasn’t mention you before. Though I guess I can’t blame him, wanting to keep— anyway. I’m Natasha. Nice to meet you,” she extended her hand towards you at last and you automatically accepted it, telling her your name in return.

Even though that was probably beside the point seeing as she had been found at your bedside in a hospital.

“Hi, Natasha. Nice to meet you too… I think.”

The redhead burst out into a quiet laughter at your hesitance. “Fair enough. After Steve comes back and explains what exactly happened – because it’s not quite my place to tell you –, call me back for the good details. It’s fun to make him blush.”

Despite just only having met this woman, you decided that you kinda liked her and nodded in acceptance of her offer. Steve might be sweet – perhaps even sweet on you it seemed – but some harmless teasing could never hurt. Not when it apparently had something to do with his glorious ass.

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Here’s a thing: Steve Rogers had a lot of fight in him. Before injected with the serum or after, no matter his shirt size, no matter if he could swing his fists effectively or not, he would fight for what mattered.

His teammates and friends certainly fell into the category. The somewhat relationship he had been trying to build with you was right there with them, definitely worth fighting for.

So, after revealing his identity – an action which become inevitable at that point, really – he had a delicate confession to make and a bold question to ask in an almost shy voice. He still asked it, because he would be damned if he gave up on you.

You said yes, your confession about certain harboured feelings matching his.

You said yes, you would like to go out with him very much, because you liked him too.

And no, it wasn’t just because he owned the best backside you had ever seen. Steve Rogers was, according to you, quite memorable and worth fighting for in general too.

(Steve, over time, might have developed a bit of a love-hate relationship with the fact you were getting along with Natasha so well. It was good news and bad news at the same time, seeing as it often resulted in the two of you teaming up against him. Once again, the good news won him over… because he simply loved how easily you fit into his world and how surprisingly well he fit into yours.)

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S.R. masterlist

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Thank you for reading :-*

It’s once a again a bit different from my usual writing; it’s short (like wtf me? short?) and it’s with a quote that is hard to do justice to... so I hope you liked it at leats a bit. Feedback always appreciated :-*

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #231: Up From the Depths!

May, 1983

So back to where we were before a detour in Annualsylvania.

Time for Roger Stern’s first issue where he can do his own thing and not have to tie up someone else’s story. Although he did a really good job tying up someone else’s story so I’m hype to see his other ideas.

And the cover is. Uh. Thor, She-Hulk, and Captain Marvel trying to beat up a tree? Yeah, take that, the Lorax.

More seriously, its just good that cover artists have gotten the note about her outfit.

We start this story when some uh swamp thing looking things march out of Chesapeake Bay just before dawn.

“They are not men... not yet.”

Huh.

The narration informs us that in addition to not being men... not yet, these figures don’t even have bones.

Then one of the things just squishes through a chain link fence.

Ah, the ol’ T2 maneuver. Good show.

The things sneak up on a hilariously yellow-suited SHIELD agent, hold him down and knock him out.

One of the things turns into the guy they just grabbed.

Whoever: “No help is needed, Agent Farber. Farber... yes, that’s your name... my name now. The master was right. Farber’s surface memories are mine.”

Then New Farber sets off on Farber’s patrol route.

What a perplexing happening.

Several hours later, now for something completely different.

The Avengers, plus former members Vision, Scarlet Witch, Wonder Man, and Beast have gathered together at Meadowglen Memorial Gardens to... well...

Vision: “We have gathered here this day to pay our final respects to a former ally... a friend who gave her life trying to end the threat of Ultron. The robot Jocasta was never officially an Avenger. In truth, we barely knew her. What joys she held, what pain she felt, we can but guess. That is our failure... that is our loss. Now, we can only remember her gallantry, and mourn.”

=(

She was too beautiful for this world.

Also, I know you already did the mea culpa on it, Vizh, but you personally barely knew her because you blew her off whenever she tried to socialize with you.

And the Avengers barely knew her because they constantly forgot that she was there.

Yeah, you admitted its your failure but I really want to make it clear what a big failure it was. You goons.

So what happened? Well, in Marvel Two-in-One #92-93... Jocasta pays a visit to the Fantastic Four and complains that the Avengers used and discarded her (which is half right but she actually ran away before they could reveal they wanted her to officially stay on as a substitute Avenger because they didn’t bother to mention it to her ahead of time).

She started living in alleys because society didn’t accept her. But she started having malfunctions that caused her a lot of pain so she came to seek Mr. Fantastic’s aid.

Overnight, Jocasta starts having nightmares about Ultron.

The following morning, Insurance Worker Aaron Stack meets with the Thing and decides to follow him around when Thing mentions he has to go deal with a lady robot. Because Aaron Stack.

Jocasta goes to the factory where Ultron was trapped in adamantium and frees him because Ultron hid a program in her brain to compel her to resurrect him. He tries to make her his bride again and she’s like ‘ew no’ again.

The Thing and Aaron Stack show up and Thing ends up mind controlled by Ultron who uses him to attack Aaron Stack.

Aaron Stack manages to get away with Jocasta. While repairing his Battle Damage, Aaron asks Jocasta why she doesn’t just call in the Avengers and she basically goes ‘i had a very dramatic exit and i’m not ruining it.’

The two robots go and confront Ultron again. Jocasta winds up wrestling with Ultron over a power cannon and it goes off blasting them both but specifically blasting Jocasta in half and not blasting Ultron in half.

Aaron Stack manages to defeat Ultron by reaching down his throat and ripping out his power supply.

... It feels like Aaron Stack does that kind of thing a lot.

Anyway, that’s how Jocasta died. And that’s why I’m sad.

The various Avengers and former Avengers all have their own thoughts during the heads bowed moment of silence.

Cap is just thinking about how many people he’s known have fallen in battle. Captain Marvel and She-Hulk feel the loss despite never meeting Jocasta. Thor wonders whether there might be room in Valhalla for her, despite being a robot. Hawkeye manages not to say anything disrespectful at all “for once.” Wasp is feeling like she lost a sister she’d never known. Really should have spent time with her. Granted, Jocasta felt weird about hanging out with you. Wonder Man thinks about the time that he died because everything reminds that guy of the fact that he died once. Beast feels like he’s been to too many funerals lately. Huh, did all the Defenders die already? And Vision is an inscrutable bastard even to the narration. Rude.

When the Avengers and co break up into smaller groups for chit chat, Beast asks Cap where the heck Iron Man is?

Cap(tain America, ‘natch) can only say that they left word for him about the service but that something must have come up.

Where the heck is Iron Man? His absence has been a plot point for several issues now.

LATER at 10 o’clock, Nick Fury, director of SHIELD, is in a helicopter with President Ronald Reagan on their way to inspect a SHIELD base where the agents are hilariously yellow-suited.

But when they get out of the helicopter, all the agents point their guns at the president.

Aw hey! And here I thought SHIELD sucked!

Okay, okay, okay. Its probably a gooey swamp plot, for some reason.

Also, Nick swears. I’m telling.

Five minutes later, at Avengers Mansion, the Avengers assemble for their regular meeting.

Except Iron Man hasn’t shown up.

As he hasn’t shown up for many meetings.

Cap wants to wait a couple more minutes because he’s just suuuuuure that he’ll be here any minute.

Poor, Cap.

Because right when Jan is going to start the meeting, they get a call on the priority phone.

Its Iron Man!

Wasp: “Iron Man! We’ve been trying to contact you for weeks! Where have you been?!? What happened? Are you all right?”

Iron Man: “Huh? Oh, yeah... I’m fine. But there’s been a lot of hassles here lately... at Stark International, I mean. The boss... Mr. Stark’s been going through a lot of changes, and he’ll be needing my help on more of a full-time basis for the time being. What I’m trying to say is... I have to quit the Avengers.”

This causes no small amount of consternation.

Cap even grabs the phone from Jan and tells Iron Man that they need him and that if there’s anything wrong, the Avengers can help.

Iron Man just says hey you guys are pros you can get along without me bye.

And then he hangs up as Thor is asking for his turn to talk.

Geez, what a weird call from Iron Man!

So whats the deal?

Here’s the deal.

Remember how Tony wasn’t looking so great last time he showed up in the book? Was kind of manic and unshaven?

Over in the Iron Man book, Obadiah Stane has been gaslighting Tony. Leaving bottles of whiskey out for him. Getting Indries Moomji to seduce Tony and then dump him. Hypnotizing a bunch of businessmen at a meeting to shout gibberish at Tony for some reason.

Presumably on top of all the nonsense going on in Avengers like the stress over what happened to Hank and with Jan, Tony falls off the wagon and starts drinking again.

He gets so drunk he starts flying around in the Iron Man armor, smashing every liquor billboard, which is funny if alarming. Deep in the bottle, Tony reveals to Rhodey that he’s Iron Man and then passes out.

Rhodey puts on the Iron Man armor and fights the villain de jour. Afterward, Tony refuses to take the armor back and leaves it in Rhodey’s care before going off to go be drunk some more.

So now Rhodey is Iron Man. Pretty exciting news for fans of Rhodey! It also means we’re getting closer to Secret Wars because Rhodey was the Iron Man in that story.

But, alas, for Tony Stark fans. Especially after having his identity revealed to Cap and Wasp, opening up a whole new dynamic among the Avengers.

Rhodey quits the Avengers because he doesn’t feel comfortable pretending to be the same Iron Man among them and doesn’t feel that he should reveal that the man inside the armor changed out of respect for Tony’s secrets.

Sooo. Yeah. Iron Man is off the team. Geez.

Stunned by this but doing her job as chairwoman, Wasp announces that the first order of business for their meeting is to fill the vacancy in the roster.

Who will it beeeeeeeeee?? -remembers the Starfox tease from last issue- Oh god no.

Meanwhile over at scene change, a scene changes.

10:15 AM, back to the SHIELD base.

Hilariously orange-suited Jasper Sitwell clasps his hands like a villain and announces that he’s holding the president ransom for...

ONE BILLION DOLLARS

President Reagan: “A billion dollars!! Good lord, man! Be reasonable! The federal budget can’t take that much added strain!”

They’ve already spent so much on the Iran-Contra affair.

Wait... -checks wikipedia- Oh okay, yeah it started in 1981 so this dig is historically justified.

Nick Fury, despite all the guns pointed at Reagan, decides to tackle Sitwell. All while thinking that base commandering this base was just too much pressure for poor Sitwell and clearly he snapped under the strain.

But then Sitwell grabs Fury mid-leap and slams him into the wall.

Nick Fury: “You... you’re not Sitwell!”

Not Sitwell: “No, but I’m a very good double, aren’t I? My men have replaced every single agent on this base! Now, are you ready to notify the proper authorities?”

So seconds later, Fury makes a broadcast to the White House situation room.

Nick Fury: “I... have some bad news, Pete. The boss an’ me are prisoners here.”

BUT! The person who got the message realizes that Bad News Pete is actually Agent Gyrich’s codename.

Which cracks me up.

And since Agent Gyrich is SOMEHOW still the Avengers liaison, despite the fact that they all hate him and refuse to deal with him in person, this is a code from Fury to call the Avengers.

So Henry Peter Gyrich calls the Avengers and tells them what’s going on and before you know it, the Quinjet is flying out of the mansion.

Apparently the launch bay is in the third floor now because the wall just swings open and the Quinjet flies out.

Neat.

On the flight over, Cap, She-Hulk, Thor, and Wasp try to strategize.

Try. Because they know where all the artillery emplacements are but without knowing where the President is being held, they don’t dare make a move.

Hey, Avengers, maybe you don’t have to be bad enough dudes to rescue the president from swamp monsters?

But since that’s not an option, the Avengers decide to wait until they hear from their advance scout.

Also, She-Hulk and Hawkeye are still bickering despite coming to a new understanding of each other recently. Peace was never an option?

So who is the advance scout? Captain Marvel, of course!

This is pretty rad, actually.

She can just turn to x-rays and invisibly zoom through the base going through all the walls she likes.

 Like, yeah, once its known that Captain Marvel is on the Avengers, I bet you can expect villain liars to suddenly start having radiation and energy detectors because of this precise sort of thing, but its neat that this is one of the things Captain Marvel brings to the table.

While zooming around, Captain Marvel also finds a sealed chamber full of gas where all the real SHIELD agents are conked out.

And the most heavily guarded room where she finds Nick Fury and a snoozing president.

Moments later, Captain Marvel nyooms back to the Quinjet as it passes Wilmington, Delaware to deliver her report.

Hawkeye: “Whew! She flew there, searched the place, and got back here before we’d flown much more’n a hundred miles! That’s some kinda fast!”

Drinking some respect Monica juice, Hawkeye?

Captain Marvel reports that Fury and the president are being held in the base commander’s quarters, behind a six inch steel door and four armed men and that the real SHIELD agents are all unconscious in a chamber on the other side of the complex.

This information is enough for Cap(tain America) to start formulating a strategy.

But meanwhile, in a submarine in the bottom of the bay. Its a mysterious figure in a silly outfit who is the one who is behind the doppleganging swamp men.

He receives a report from Simuloid-One aka Not Sitwell who reports that the ultimatum was delivered to the White House and that if they don’t receive a reply in an hour, the president will be killed.

Mysterious Mastermind: “Excellent! If the ransom is delivered, I will have riches enough to work miracles! And if not -- America will be placed in a state of chaos which I will easily turn to my advantage! Either way, I win!”

Simuloid-One agrees that things couldn’t look brighter.

-ominous thunder-

Hee.

Thor is great for irony.

Outside the SHIELD base, Thor stands atop the Quinjet, looking not at all to scale, and destroys radar towers and gun emplacements.

Good thing Tony is missing so he doesn’t have to pay for any of this later.

Actually, is this going to wind up being much cheaper than paying the one billion ransom?

Because when the Quinjet lands, She-Hulk just tears open the ground at Cap’s insistence to reveal the central underground corridor. That’s gonna cost a pretty penny.

Thor stays above ground to finish beating up people and also tanks (although he’s already knocked out half of the fake SHIELD agents on the surface) and the rest of the Avengers slip into the base.

The Avengers split up per Cap’s strategy. She-Hulk and Cap go one direction, Hawkeye and Wasp in the other.

No sooner than they split the party, Cap and She-Hulk are bogged down in a group of the fake SHIELD agents in hilarious yellow suits.

Cap: “Heads up, She-Hulk -- we have company!”

She-Hulk: “Like I said before, no problem! I just wish we weren’t in such a hurry -- so I could take the time to enjoy this more! This is the best workout I’ve had in weeks!”

She-Hulk is fun.

Over with Team Wasp and also Hawkeye, Hawkeye holds off a different gang of swampmenfakeagents as Wasp slips out through a vent to get reinforcements.

Meanwhile, on Team Monica, Monica shows up where Nick Fury is taking off his belt and Reagan is taking a nap. Her part in Cap’s plan is to help Fury guard the president.

Meanwhile but back in New York, a rocket lands at Avengers Mansion.

Since the Avengers have a security at least good enough to detect that, an alarm goes off and Jarvis runs outside with a frying pan to bludgeon whoever it is.

Good hustle, Jarvis.

But its Starfox.

Hit him anyway, Jarvis.

Starfox: “I beg your pardon. I suppose I should have radioed ahead, but I wanted to surprise my old comrades. You must be Jarvis... Thor spoke of you. I am Eros of Titan. Perhaps you’ve heard of me?”

Jarvis: “Eros? Why... yes. You were allied with the Avengers against Thanos!”

Starfox: “Ah, I thought my fame might have preceded me. Are the Avengers about?”

Jarvis: “I... I’m afraid not, sir. They’re engaged in a most important mission.”

Starfox: “Really? Where?”

Jarvis: “I’m not at liberty to discuss -- !”

Starfox: “Oh, come on! You can tell me!”

Jarvis: “W-well...”

Starfox! You’d better not be using your space charisma on Jarvis! He is an angel!

Back at the plot in Maryland, Thor, Cap(tain America), She-Hulk- and Hawkeye have somehow managed to end up broadly in the same place fighting the combined two groups of fake agents.

And considering its the Avengers hitting them, they’re not going down.

She-Hulk is hitting them and they keep getting up for more!

That’s alarming and impressive.

But... Hawkeye shoots a blast arrow too close to some of the fake agents and one of them loses an arm.

But this isn’t the modern age. That’d be too graphic.

Its only wood.

Its described as brittle wood but again: they were taking hits from She-Hulk.

And based on one of the wood agents getting stuck in a loop, Captain America decides that they’re not only not men, they’re also not even sentient.

I don’t know that matches with what we’ve seen from these simuloids in terms of holding conversation and apparently having personalities. But I guess its only virtual.

But now that the Avengers know their enemies aren’t human and aren’t people, they don’t have to hold back.

They just sort of. Start dismantling the wood men and breaking them to bits so they can’t get back up.

If it weren’t wood, it would be pretty brutal!

Back at the submarine and the secret mastermind, the secret mastermind isn’t pleased that the Avengers are overrunning the base when there’s only six of them and nearly a thousand wood men.

Not Sitwell: “The odds would seem to be in our favor by your calculations, master, but their power is such that -- !”

Secret Mastermind: “Silence! Do not speak to the Plant-Man of power! Mine was the genius that gave the semblance of life to unthinking plant tissue! There can be no greater power than that! Avengers or no Avengers, I will not be thwarted!”

He tells Not Sitwell to dispatch all other simuloids and for Not Sitwell to see to the president and Nick Fury himself.

And since Plant-Man is fairly fed up being made to look the fool by people like the Avengers, he’s not going to take the loss gracefully. And he has a special weapon to crush all opposition and he’s gonna use it!

So! Plantman!

A Mega Man robot master?

No, no. Its Samuel Smithers. Also that wood man we saw in jail last issue. But that was clearly a decoy. How sneaky.

Plantman was originally a Human Torch villain who was a botanist who invented a ray gun that controls and animates plant life.

Much like every other Human Torch Strange Tales villain, I can’t take this man too seriously. He was a grown man who devoted his life trying to bully a teenager.

Also, he joined Nebulon’s cult for a while. So. Even less respect.

His costume also doesn’t scream ‘i control plants.’ He just looks like a doofus.

Anyway, in section C, Hawkeye and Wasp have found the chamber where the real agents of SHIELD are being kept sedated. Wasp finds the air circulation controls and vents the gas.

She sends Hawkeye to go back up Cap and sees to the rousing agents herself.

First things first, she tells them to get undressed.

Dammit, Jan! Time and place!

Jokes aside, I feel like this is a shirts vs skins thing.

What with all the identical people in yellow suits and face obscuring helmets and goggles.

In section B, Not Sitwell is following Plantman’s orders. He takes the elevator from the base communications center to the CO’s office.

Which opens right in front of the CO’s office for some reason.

That just seems like its asking for trouble. Like the CO falling down an open elevator shaft because the elevator just opens right in the floor!

Who designed this base!

What happens if you take the elevator up right when someone is leaving the office and they trod on your head! This is why elevators aren’t located in the middle of the floor!

Anyway, Not Sitwell tells the door guards to cover him while he eliminates the prisoners.

Inside the CO office, Nick Fury has finished taking off his belt.

So much undressing in this issue!

Okay, but seriously. Apparently, just in case of a situation exactly like this where he’s disarmed, Nick wears a belt that he can convert into a slingshot. Including an explosive pellet that could blow down a steel door.

That’s thinking ahead!

To a weird degree. Hopefully its a stable explosive and won’t go off in case anyone ever kicks him in the dick.

Anyway, he never ever gets a chance to use it because Cap(tain America) and She-Hulk beat up the guards and Not Sitwell and came in to help rescue Fury and the president. And they give him Not Sitwell’s gun so there’s no reason for Nick to ever use his belt explosive.

It be like that sometimes.

Then there’s a K-BAM that shakes the base so Cap(tain America) sends Cap(tain Marvel) and She(-Hulk) to investigate while he stays with Fury to protect the president.

Meanwhile, the president the Reagan wakes up from his nap. This isn’t important but this is the characterization the comic is going with. Sleepy Reagan.

Captain Marvel zooms off at literal light speed with She-Hulk telling her not to hog all of the action.

But then She-Hulk finds Hawkeye who has been pinned under some collapsed ceiling after that K-BAM. She(-Hulk) helps him out but his leg has been broken.

Then a bunch of shirtless people run in to She-Hulk’s alarm.

But its okay! Its the people Jan had get shirtless! And it was, probably, for shirt vs skins reasons!

Wasp tells She-Hulk that they’ve cleared out most of the fake agents and that they’ll keep an eye on Hawkeye, so She-Hulk should find out whats going on topside.

She-Hulk: “Holee -- ! What the devil is that?!”

Turns out that whats going on topside iiiiiiiiis

A giant-sized man-thing?

No, no. But definitely some kind of large... swamp... thing.

It apparently stomped out of the bay, according to a bolt of electricity. Who is Captain Marvel. Who also reports that the giant-sized swamp thing is pretty resistant to electricity.

Which makes sense. Vegetation isn’t a great conductor, is it?

She-Hulk: “The only thing a monster that big understands is strength!”

Then she runs at it Leeroy Jenkins style and gets stomped.

So thaaaaaaaat explains that cover. Good to know, good to know.

She-Hulk is strong enough to start lifting the foot off of her and Thor makes it even easier by smashing the monster in the leg, making ti topple to the ground.

Then Captain Marvel basically turns into a laser and bounces all over the monster, carving bits off.

Problem: This thing works under Sorcerer’s Apprentice rules.

Every piece chopped off becomes an angry tree man.

Those are some angry Ents.

Which unfortunately puts the Avengers right back where they started vis having a small army of angry wood men they have to beat up.

... Son of a damn is the giant-sized swamp thing an asteroids monster? You beat him into smaller monsters and have to beat those into monsters too small to be a threat anymore?

Dammit, Plantman!

She-Hulk points out the obvious that Captain Marvel can just set all the wood men on fire.

Which she does. She just starts emitting infrared radiation until a miniature, ambulatory forest fire starts.

Plantman: “This can’t be! They’re destroying my mightiest creation! What next?”

What next is that a rocket hits the giant-sized swamp thing in the face, destroying it.

Annnnd out pops Starfox.

Trading one problem for another.

Ha ha.

Ok, maybe he’s not actually so bad. We’ll see.

With the giant-sized swamp thing destroyed, Plantman flees the scene in his submarine. Luckily smart enough to not have shown his face so the Avengers don’t know he was involved.

Order is restored to the base and all the agents put their shirts back on, presumably to Jan’s chagrin.

President Reagan is grandfatherly or whatever and instead of complaining about this laughably massive security breach, just raises SHIELD’s budget so they can plug this swamp slime hole in their security.

And I’m surrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre SHIELD will never have massive security breaches everrrrrrrrrrrrrr again.

Then again, he slept through most of the story so I’m sure he has no idea what happened.

And apparently Captain Marvel was moved from trainee to full, active Avenger at some point between issues.

Everyone pats her back and tells her that she did a good job, which she did do.

Starfox slides into the conversation and also adds his congratulations, slightly flirtily.

Captain Marvel is like holy shit an alien. What are you doing on Earth?

Starfox: “Why, I should think it’s obvious! I’ve come to join the Avengers!”

Everyone: “WHAT?!”

Hawkeye: -facepalm- Oh, no!

Womp, womp!

Heh. I’m amused that the Avengers have a similar reaction to me about this guy showing up to join the team.

So as Stern’s first issue not completing someone else’s story? Very good job, Stern. This was fun.

The characters were used effectively. The plot was fresh. Hawkeye’s leg got broken.

You’re doing a really good job!

Follow @essential-avengers​ because together we can make fun of Starfox much more effectively. Also like and reblog to let me do I’m doing a good job.

[leam1983]

It’s the end of the work week and, well...

I’m having thoughts on labor culture.

My father was born in 1958. He lived as the son of an absent father of five children who had no ability to truthfully express his love and care, and who instead chose to bury himself in work as a means to display his commitment. My paternal grandfather made and sold mattressees and died quite young of a cancer strain that today would’ve seemed benign. He was described as a hard worker, either up to his neck in his business or wanting just a scant few hours per day to himself. It made an aloof lover out of him and a distant father - who still loved his wife and children to bits but who felt emotionally castrated in a sense, as were men of the era.

The family consensus is that his work killed him.

My father is now 65 and survived a bout of Non-Hodgkinian Lymphoma. The oncologist and anyone with half a brain agreed that stress was the culprit. Early on, Dad had the family as an excuse for his tendency to overwork. He had to provide for us, after all, and garnish my mother’s meagre savings. All she has is her government-issued pension plan, while my father does have his own pension as a retiree of the City of Montreal’s Real-Estate Appraisal service. Considering, he felt obligated to pull a heavier load to bring in more, so they’d have better investment opportunities. Later on, he kept working out of a sense of fealty and attachment to his division, breaking out of retirement during the pandemic to join the work-from-home team. He wanted to help techs and city officials find ways to bring more of the traditionally snail-mail-based parts of the system online so the city’s Land Management service wouldn’t be paralyzed by COVID-19. What was supposed to be a single month turned into four, which turned into twelve.

By the end, they were begging him to stay on the team and to pull longer hours. We’re talking twenty hours per day, in some particularly grueling stretches. That means being logged in by breakfast and scarfing bagels down with Urban Design techs on Zoom instead of your own family, or having supper with your boss because she needs a play-by-play of the situation to stave off her executive anxiety.

Long story short, I didn’t see Dad much during the first wave. His reasoning was that he’d eventually stop, pool all this cash, and chuck it into his and Mom’s Registered Retirement Savings Account - with maybe an extra two thou or so in case the country reopened enough for their postponed trip to Cuba to take place.

Guess what? His zona flared up and he ended up with odd, shingly bumps along his scalp which to this day the local dermatologist grimaces at and tentatively has us dab with cortisone cream.

Mom, though? She’s a retired and registered nurse with a self-negating streak and a chronic propensity to undervalue her own physical ailments. Someone who quite literally understands the pain of busted hips on a clinical level because she was trained in Gerontology - and also someone who refuses to schedule an appointment with her GP and who inexplicably self-medicates with white wine.

As for me, I’m a 37 year-old man with a paycheck I consider massive with its meagre six bucks above the minimum-wage threshold - someone who chose to shack in with his folks until the current crisis ends and who therefore has a history of a single, willingly terminated apartment lease that originally began in the Planned Housing market. The apartment I want is basically a Barbie doll house for adults, a gleaming fantasy I’ll never have enough capital to touch unless I feel like trying my hand with criminal applications of my skills. The apartment I can get right now is a shithole, and I have the audacity to think I deserve a shithole that at least wasn’t someone’s former cockroach den.

Now here’s the kicker: I value my sanity and my health. I know my mental stamina levels and I know from experience that after working seven-point-five hours per day with the occasionally shorter Friday, I’ve found my limit. I could invest more if I worked more, yes, and I’m already in a better position than my parents, retirement-wise. I’ll never be rich, but I’m already set to be comfortable, provided I don’t spend my golden years trying to make it as an unsponsored TechTuber or anything else that’s equally ludicrous.

Where that’s a problem is in the toxicity this is generating. See, I have the gall to slide my daily schedule later so I can start at an hour that fits my biological clock and ends at an hour where I’m at my most creative. That means the folks saw me spending my pandemic mornings on Animal Crossing while Dad was trying to wrangle Excel spreadsheets for non-tech-savvy fellow Boomers while preventing the dog from eating his meeting notes. That means they guzzled vinho verde like it was Kool-Aid after seven while I made sure to find more concrete means to distance myself from work - ideally ones that didn’t involve functional alcoholism.

Naturally, what was bound to happen, happened: Dad soon spent his evenings calling me shiftless or ��unwilling to commit”, while I was stuck watching him miss all the cues his stressed-out body were sending him. We already had Trump’s last desperate months and a global plague to handle, I really didn’t want my work to turn into more of a nuisance than it already is. I already love the people I work for and hate what I do (repeating the family cycle, it seems), but I’ve at least decided to give myself ample Me time every single day. 

I’ve paired that with smaller, if consistent portfolio investments, along with a few new habits I wanted to get into to stay saner. Dad pulls crosswords or plays competitive chess in the wee hours, while I usually lay down to meditate around midnight and fall asleep by 1 AM at the latest. I’m half-expecting my father to pull a Tyler Durden and to sneer at me, at some point. “Self-care is masturbation,” he’d probably say.

Looking at classifieds for rentals, it’s obvious that the entire system is predicated on abuse. Work yourself down to the therapist’s office, right down to the fucking bone, and you just might earn a half-decent retirement because nobody’s taught you to invest incrementally. Nope, Society seems to say, you’re supposed to buy, buy and buy some more, until you realize you have ten years left to start from scratch!

I remember Dad’s face on my eighteenth birthday. “Why would you want a Disability Care Savings Account, Brain? You just turned into a legal adult by Canadian standards - you’re in no rush, right?”

I told him the real gift I wanted for my birthday, that day, was a ride to the family’s Financial Investments counsel. I pulled up the PDFs I’d printed out and filled and brought them over. From then on, if I dropped a penny in my nest-egg, Ottawa would drop another one. If my share grew, so did the government’s. In the twenty-odd years since, it’s expanded exponentially.

Dad thought I’d done this to have a big cushion by the time I’d retire. Mom thought I’d done this in case my disability worsened and I started requiring equipment or physical assistance. Honestly, my dumb, if slightly prescient eighteen year-old self figured I’d rather spend my time reading or playing video games than working. I knew I’d need something to help cushion my admittedly low career-related ambitions. I might throw several thousands at a new computer every seven to eight years, but that’s because I’ve saved them up for just as long, little by little. I have no vices beyond what sillicon offers and what you’d find in the pages of a book and don’t exactly need a big ‘ol, stonkin’ humidor stuffed with conoisseur stogies.

I have a shoebox with a poked-out Ziploc bag and a sponge, with a handful of joints and a few Santa Anas I got off of a buyer’s pool from work. Five of us occasional chair-bar goons pooled cash together on Cigar Chief and cushioned prices with a single, shared and massive order. I’m nowhere near rich, but assuming the housing market can catch its breath eventually, I’ll be able to live modestly - with one or two markers of occasional luxury I’ll have chosen.

I have a shittier job than my father has had and I’ve chosen to be happier than him. It’s just sad that the usual response elevates overwork as the supposedly one, true way to leave a mark in society.

No, Dad. I don’t want to die while my own cells eat me alive, I want to die blazed out of my fucking mind, happy because I’ll have had time to enjoy my friends’ company and to finally make some sense out of Kerouac’s Subterraneans or to figure out what the fuck is going on in Joyce’s Illiad. I’ll die crusty as shit and fulfilled as a Pop Culture jockey, because I’ll have either finished Persona 5: Golden in my lifetime or I’ll have watched the entirety of the MCU’s output before Disney finally manages to kill their golden goose.

I want to die decades from now, feeling like I at least owned my choices and didn’t spend my time tethered to someone else’s professional expectations of me.

[deathsmallcaps]

July’s Story

My fifteenth Win A Commission contest is Crystal the Wise! If you would like to see my version, and see all my drawings together, please

There once was a gentleman who had quite a daughter. Whatever her teachers gave her to learn, she gobbled up. Foreign languages, geography, so—all were unspeakably easy for her. And mathematics! She could add up columns of figures far better than her father’s accountants could. Before long, she could have taken their place.

When Crystal (for so she was called) grew a bit older, the neighboring children came over to ask her to explain the problems their tutors had set. Soon everyone came to learn from her. In time, word of this reached the king. He wrote to the young woman, saying, “My son is nearly grown, but my daughter has trouble with her lessons, and needs a teacher who could make her understand. Will you come and stay with us for a few months?”

Crystal was delighted to do so. When she arrived at the palace, the king, queen, and princess greeted her warmly. The prince, however, sulked like a little child. He had offered to tutor the princess himself, but the king had said, “You’re too impatient. I have found someone else who can do a better job than you can.”

Over the next few weeks, the prince sat in the back of the classroom and contradicted Crystal whenever she spoke. His interruptions grew more and more frequent. Still, Crystal continued to teach, because she liked the little princess and wanted her to do well. Tired of being ignored, the prince stood up one day and said, “This isn’t how I learned it. Everything you’re teaching my sister is wrong.” Crystal walked right up and slapped him! After that, the prince kept away from her lessons.

When the time came for Crystal to leave, the prince went to his parents.

“I’m grateful for all Crystal taught me, and after all, she’s the cleverest woman in the kingdom. May I have your permission to marry her?” The king and queen eagerly agreed, and Crystal also accepted, figuring it was a good marriage. She hadn’t realized she was worth more. 

After the wedding, the prince took his bride to a secluded cottage deep in the forest. As she was changing into her nightclothes, he came in and said, “Well, Crystal, are you ready to apologize for slapping me?”

“Apologize? I was right to slap you! And I’ll do it again if you keep on about it.” Crystal didn’t enjoy violence but knew when to defend herself.

“Is that so?” the prince snarled. He and a couple servants dragged her down to the cellar, where he thrust her through a trapdoor, into a little cell under the floorboards. There was a bed and a table and almost nothing else. In the morning, he asked her if she’d changed her mind, but she said no. Every day he came down and demanded she repent. Every day she refused, despite knowing her chances of survival were diminishing rapidly in such a dangerous situation. She had tried to run away when he first grabbed her, but even her considerable talents were no match against ten armed men. 

Crystal grew weary of her imprisonment, but there was no way she would apologize. One day, she noticed a corner of her cell was blowing air, due to a spider’s web flying into her face. She blessed the spider for alerting her, tand investigated the hole. There, she discovered a rushing underground stream. She dug a hole big enough to squeeze through, and managed to swim all the way to her father’s house.

Her father was appalled to find out how she’d been treated. “I’ll see the king immediately.”

“Oh, no, don’t,” Crystal said. “Just dig a tunnel into my cell and bring me some decent food, and of course, my books. The prince only lowers bread and water.” And Crystal swam back to her cell with the prince none the wiser.

At last, he grew tired of her refusals and called down, “I’m going to Paris to enjoy myself. I’ll have a servant feed you while I’m having fun.”

“Go ahead,” she called back cheerfully. 

As soon as the prince had left, Crystal bribed the servant to stop lowering bread and water, telling him to lie to the prince should he come back. She ran to her father and, with plenty of money from him, hurried to Paris, formulating a brilliant plan to ruin him forever with her father. There she disguised herself as a girl named ‘Marie’ and bought a house next to her husband’s. 

She then forged a letter to the prince’s parents, explaining that ’Crystal’ had died en route to Paris, and that he was going to mourn for a while. Somewhere in the back of her head, she knew this was a dangerous course of action, and very unhealthy emotionally. But she was SO angry.

Then, each day, she drove out in her carriage behind four white horses. Her gown was thick with embroidery, and her fan was trimmed with delicate lace, and she adopted a beautiful Parisian accent. When the prince saw her, he was dazzled by her beauty, though he didn’t recognize her in Parisian fashions. He began courting her, and wedded ‘Marie’ inside a month, never mentioning, of course, that he had another wife back home. Nor did he notice her glittering intellect, and thought her a dumb but lovely creature.  Nine months later, she gave birth to twins, a girl and a boy. Since Crystal had learned a bit, she made the prince sign a contract, vowing the children would be his heirs. He signed it, thinking it would be invalid, for she had drawn it up herself and he thought her stupid. He was mistaken. 

Three years passed. Then the prince told her he had been summoned home, but didn’t tell her it was for a new marriage. He didn’t know that this third bride had been set up by Crystal’s father. Feeling bored with his (supposedly) new and beautiful wife, he agreed to return home and decided to leave Crystal and his children behind. 

Returning home, the prince hurried to the cottage but discovered the cell empty. The servant told him Crystal had died of loneliness, so the prince thought he was in the clear. 

His family got him all set up for the wedding, disallowing him to meet his match, claiming superstition. When the day finally came, he said the vows, and everyone cheered. He raised her veil, and saw Crystal grinning triumphantly back at him. His children toddled out from the audience, and he knew he was in trouble.

Stunned to see his triply-wed wife, the prince knelt down before the court and begged her forgiveness. But it turned out, she didn’t have to forgive him. 

Her father produced the contract proclaiming the children as the prince’s heirs and a written account of what had passed by Crystal verified by many sources, including the servant who was supposed to feed her. Disgusted by their son, the King and Queen banished him and stripped him of his personal land, money and title, immediately giving them to Crystal. She and her family promptly lived happily ever after. 

My Notes

Now, you may not have noticed, but this story? Extremely messed up. I mean, this woman is degraded and goes on the biggest revenge plot I’ve ever seen a female character do in a fairy tale. She even has revenge babies! They are going to have a pretty messed up childhood. 

Why did I choose Crystal the Wise? Well, for three reasons. 

One, I heard it on, you guessed it, the Myths and Legends podcast. I really liked his rendition, but I did NOT want to type the whole thing out (I did that with a different story of his that I’m going to give to a different little cousin). I found this version online. And this all happens in the story! Crystal is just that machiavellian, and I applaud her! I kind of wish she didn’t feel like she had to continue having relations with her abuser, or to change herself so completely, but she really hit him with the ol’ one-two, and I like it when people can dole out justice like that. Hopefully she had someone to talk to afterwards? Also its pretty problematic the King and Queen did not realize how much of a little creep they raised to be their heir. 

Two, I realized I hadn’t done a story from South America yet! I realize its definitely a more modern story, with less ties to the Native people of Chile (btw the royal family of Chile isn’t a real thing), but I really liked it. 

Three, I was looking up the Aymara people of Chile for unrelated reasons when I realized I would love to draw the women! I don’t know what the textile industry over there is like, but it must be pretty entrenched in the culture, because they have so many pretty patterns and colors in their everyday wear! Combined with the bowler hats (legend has it that a shipment of bowler hats made it to Chile just when they went out of style, so the haberdashers marketed them to women!) with all the lovely flowers added on, I was excited! So I wanted to draw an Aymara girl. 

Now that I’ve explained that, I’d like to explain my drawings. They weren’t as full of background as some of my other drawings, but trust me, I put a lot of effort into them! I had a kabillion reference pictures.

The title is not based off of any movie logo I’ve seen, for once. Rather, it is based a bit off of the ACDC logo. I was working one day, when someone with that logo on his shirt came up to the register. I was inspired! So I quickly sketched out a sort of geometric, sort of lightning-bolt-esque title in between customers. And I liked it!

The second picture, the slap, was a difficult one for me. It combined an unusual perspective, unusual clothing, and unusual face shapes for me. As you’ve seen with my art, and maybe with your own art, it is often very easy to have a character face you and not interact with another object or person, You can’t really have that happen with a slap. 

This story is supposed to be set in the early 1700s, when Paris was very in vogue. But as I really wanted to draw a modern Aymara woman, I did play little fast and loose with the fashion. There isn’t too many reference pictures for old Chilean fashion. I had to reach a little. Which led me to using a more European style of dress for the Prince. And this is the only time you get to see *Crystal dress in a way that is normal and comfortable to her. This is an important ‘theme’ of the story - sorry to go all English class on you!

*Just remembered that Crystal is not a very Spanish-sounding name. I’ve never found the story outside, even when I try to look it up in Spanish, so some part of me is worried that someone made it up and pretended it was Chilean. Please let me know if you find anything. 

Their faces are different than what I’ve drawn before. As you can see on the prince’s face, he has serious acne. I’m not trying to demonize acne, but I decided that he’s one of those boys who hates getting clean and despite literally everyone telling him so, will not stop touching his face and causing acne. I went through a stubborn phase like that. But I also wanted to show how young and already so privileged the guy is. I really wanted to make him annoying. Crystal also has a bit of acne, to show her youth, but what really makes her face different than my usual fare is the fact she has a mole, never gets to smile of joy in my illustrations, and she is plump. I have a tendency to draw skinny characters I’m trying to get rid of as an artist -  I want to be able to draw everyone, anyone. And i think she turned out quite pretty!

Third picture, the cave, was again sort of a challenge. I wasn’t sure at the beginning how to place Crystal so you could sort of see the hole that leads into her room, while also showing her climbing down and the underground waterways she is going to enter. And as you’ve might’ve seen before, when I draw caves and rocks, all I think of is really ‘geometry’ but in the way the guy in this meme thinks of aliens (look up history channel aliens if you don’t know).

But I guess I did it? As for Crystal, you can tell she’s uncomfortable, she’s skinnier in an unhealthy way and colder than before, her hair isn’t in the customary braids but in a crappy bun to keep it off her face, and her dress is in tatters. Not a happy camper, and understandably so.

Last picture, Crystal’s wedding dress, was sort of hard in a different way, again! I decided early on I wanted to base her dress off of Elizabeth’s wedding dress from Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest. But I had to draw that while Crystal was holding her two kids on her hips, and smirking. I think I managed it, though. I think it’s interesting to note that the look epitomizes the kind of person she had to emulate while tricking the prince; a meek, european-mimicking little wifey. Totally different than the person she really is, the person she is illustrated to be in the first picture. 

Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed that! Another problematic story will be the one for next month! Thanks for reading!

@boopboopboopbadoop​

[fluffyplushiez]

★BYF/DNI★

Behold, the new generation of the Secret Monster Intelligence League of Equestria, or more of, there most recent and highly ranked members.

From left to right:

Moonshine: daughter of a quite literal god Discord and the profoundly named astrologist Moondancer, Moonshine is a powerhouse, and one of if not the most threatening agent to deal with. She can stand in her normal form on her hind legs at a whopping 12+ feet, has the talons of a raven and dragon, and claws of a lion, as well as two magical horns that can be used as a battering ram if need be, and that’s not even mentioning her magic. Those who’ve managed to see her unfathomable magical abilities, and manage to be on her good side to be able to live and tell the tale, say that she can quite literal conjure anything she wants if she puts her mind to it, and that her only real limits are multiple magical things at once (kinda hard to conjure a hurricane and lava plume at once). She also possesses mind control, ranging from controlling others actions to leaving them in a hallucinogenic nightmare created by herself. Though extremely magically gifted at birth, she does have a lot to thank towards her father for teaching how to hone her abilities, particularly in her first years as an agent, she had many issues with not being such a loose cannon with her powers, and occasionally this happens now, although more rare. She is able to be injured in combat, but it’s been found so far that her body, whether it be due to her magic or her species, that wounds only last a couple of hours, if not minutes depending on the wounds severity. Needless to say, Moonshine is S.M.I.L.E’s biggest powerhouse, but she is only needed in the most dire of situations, given her ability to be a loose cannon, and often get civilians involved when in contact with these monsters (whether intentionally or unintentionally), and that she’s more interested in the fights with these beasts itself then the hunting down of them. Moonshine joined due to her want to help others with her extreme magical abilities, that and the monster battling sounded badass. Moonshine mostly deals with otherworldly monsters/non sentient beings, ranging from octopus aliens coming to mind control all of equestria citizens, to a giant hamster with the power to open wormholes with its eyes.

Green Tea: daughter of the element of kindness Fluttershy, and the town hippy and stoner Treehugger, nobody expected her to rise up in the ranks so quickly, or to even join due to her upbringing, but her vampire genes proved them wrong. Green tea’s species is the result of a spell gone wrong on her mother years ago involving the mane six, and her mother ended up with what’s called (in recent times) the vampire's curse. Although this curse has been heard of for millennia, it hasn’t been seen in recent years, and not just due to its rarity, but due to the dwindling down of cases of those with said curse passing it on to others via bites, as well as the curse stopped being passed down the gene pool in certain families. Green tea and her mother didn’t get so lucky however, and green tea was born as a vampire bat pony, giant teeth and everything. This curse does have its perks to combat its issues however, ranging from hypnosis abilities, giant fangs, extreme speed and flight, as well as amazing abilities to hunt due to their heightened hearing and smell abilities. Although best avoidable, green tea can infect other ponies/monsters via her fangs, but luckily she can mostly just use them as a threat (or just use moonshine as the attacker, to prevent spread of her curse). Green tea is seen as the best hunter of the three, and her only downfall/weakness seems to be nights of a full moon, where her vampirism can quite literally over take her, and cause her to attack innocent people, if not her own teammates. Green Tea joined alongside Moonshine, but for more personal reasons. After attacking a family friend in her vampirism state, she vowed to never hurt anyone again, but after some long talks, moonshine convinced her that she could use this power for good. “If you’re gonna turn into some crazy vampire badass who can maim people, why not do it on some monsters?”. Green tea mostly deals with Equestrian monsters, ranging from bugbears to hydras, but she has been known and seen helping moonshine with otherworldly entities and threats.

Shell Scavenger: daughter of the element of laughter Pinkie Pie, and the princess of seaquestria Skystar, Scavenge is the part of the espionage/classic spy type of S.m.i.l.e. Despite her loving and caring nature, she is not a force to be reckoned with. Skills ranging from espionage, infiltration, professional torture, treasure and monster hunting skills of all the like, Shell Scavenger is the most intelligent of this trio, and is often the one to crack down and break dead cases wide open. Scavenger has many combat skills as well as her practical ones, with talons filed to cut manes in half, and the agility and combat skills of evading enemies, you don’t want to end up in a fight with her, especially if you live. She’s not one to give up on cases easily, and will often do whatever it takes in torture sessions to get the truth out about prisoners. Scavenge joined after being recruited by Bon-Bon in her hometown, when Scavenge was in her teens. Bon-Bon came to find that Scavenge was quite the mystery solver and treasure hunter, ranging from finding a little girls dolly that they left in sugar cube corner by accident, to revealing Filthy Riches massive money laundering scheme (whether she revealed this and it being true was major luck or her being a mastermind at the age of 15 is still unknown to Ponyville). Despite all of her more disturbing sides, she’s genuinely just a chill gal who loves surfing on the beach, and teaching others how to bake. Scavenging is her special talent (pinkie sense gave pinkie a good name) and thinks of her job as one big scavenging game (the torturing included scarily enough) Scavenge often deals with more personal matters in S.M.I.L.E, despite solving if not damn near leading cases with otherworldly/giant monsters. Scavenger’s job ranges from assassination threats on royalty, to controlling the underground illegal drug rings, and her current and her most troubling case currently involves such. Design updates/notes: Moonshine: She was too goddamn orange for me, she's now got blue wings now, as well as markings (including her Moondancer's signature moon eye pattern) Green Tea: I have no idea why the hell I decided to lighten up her mane, it's now back to it's dark green color. Shell Scavenger (Formally Surprise Pie): Big ole character update. She's now a seapony/hippogriff, and she's got a lot more blue in her too. She's got Pinkie Pie's vitiligo, Skystar's freckles,  and has bright pink eyes now too. If you wanna see their true tone colors CHARACTERS: Moonshine, Green Tea, Shell Scavenger

RELATED MLP:FIM © HASBRO Moonshine, Green Tea, Shell Scavenger, Art © Punkpride

★Like my art? Consider supporting me on Patreon for as low as $1!★

★ SITES ★

[mobius-prime]

222. Sonic the Hedgehog #154

Songoose (Part 2 of 2)

Writer: Karl Bollers Pencils: Ron Lim Colors: Jason Jensen

Today's issue is a bit bittersweet. While Karl Bollers hasn't always been the most popular writer, and I've definitely had my fair share of problems with certain aspects of his writing, it's hard to deny the heavy impact he had on the world of the comic. And this just so happens to be his last issue as a writer! That's right, though we've seen various writers come and go, this is the first time we're truly saying goodbye to a head writer. (You might be wondering about Michael Gallagher given his increasingly infrequent involvement with the series, but fear not, he's still got a few more future issues left in 'im.) Apparently he actually had quite a few plans for the storyline and characters post-StH#134, which was a while ago, but for one reason or another these never came to fruition, and never even had a chance to be salvaged for future issues by other writers due to his leaving the comic. So let's dedicate this issue to ol' Karl and the hard work he put into this comic, and appreciate what he brought to the table over the years. Onward!

It's the night of Mina's second concert, and the various Freedom Fighters are positioned at strategic points around and behind the stage and crowd to guard the venue from any more assassination attempts. Mina is pleased with Sonic's involvement in her protection detail, but Ash is considerably less so, and asks to speak to Mina privately before her performance. Sonic initially tries to refuse to leave her side given his duty to her, but when Ash gets in his face about it Mina steps in and tells Sonic she'll be okay to have a quick chat. Sonic reluctantly leaves the dressing room, and Ash confronts Mina about her decision to go through with tonight's concert, as he really feels it's too dangerous. She reiterates her feeling of security with Sonic around, and Ash's feelings of jealousy finally spill out as he details Sonic's perceived failings, including how he (totally unintentionally mind you) broke her heart a year ago by kissing Sally in front of her. He paradoxically refuses to "forgive" Sonic for… not dating Mina, I guess? Which you'd think he'd be pleased about considering that's the only reason he ever got to date her, but she stands firm against his tirade.

Really bad timing on this, Ash. Honestly, though, as abrasive and jealous as Ash can be, he's not wrong at all about his accusations, and in my opinion has every right to feel slighted and upset. He really does seem like a guy who's flawed yet genuinely likable - I mean, put yourself in his shoes (assuming you're not down for open relationships) and tell me you wouldn't feel the exact same way upon seeing your girlfriend routinely eyeing up another guy. Plus, he isn't flaky - notice that despite breaking up with Mina, he explicitly states his intentions to remain as her band manager. A lesser person might have left their ex high and dry out of spite, but despite their disagreement he's still completely ready and willing to help her organize everything she needs to remain a pop star. Careful, Mina, you better remember "Aly's" advice to you from a few issues ago before you let this guy slip through your fingers…

Outside the room, Sonic gets a call from Sally looking for an update, and when he lets slip that he let her stay in her dressing room alone Sally scolds him for not sticking to her like glue, ordering him back into the room to check on her. When he enters he's surprised to see her sitting alone with a sad expression, asking her what's bothering her. You'd think he'd have some clue of what was wrong considering he would have just seen Ash angrily stomping right through the very door he was guarding, but Mina just says she doesn't know how to explain, which Sonic quietly agrees with the sentiment of. She's able to collect herself for her performance, though, and begins by singing another song that definitely feels inspired by her crush on Sonic. However, Eggman's plan to kill her is still moving ahead, and he sends out Heavy and Bomb (well, Bombs, there's a lot of them) to infiltrate the concert crowd once the concert is well underway.

Sonic immediately grabs Mina and pulls her away from the edge of the stage while the rest of the Freedom Fighters rush in to battle the Bombs, something which I find funnier than it should be considering they're, well, bombs, and the best plan for dealing with bombs on legs would usually be to run the hell away from them before they blow up. Nevertheless, they seem to be holding their own by throwing or smacking the Bombs away before they explode, though Ash finds an excuse in the situation to insist once more than Sonic leave so he can protect Mina on his own, even somewhat spitefully pointing out that Mina was fine without Sonic for an entire year before now. Sonic initially refuses, but when Heavy himself arrives, crashing down onto the stage to target Mina directly, Sonic concedes and tells Ash to take her somewhere safe while he fights the robot one on one. At first Sonic teases and trash talks as normal, but when Heavy gives him more trouble than he bargained for he concocts a plan to drill into the earth and bait Heavy into following him, then drill straight into the nearby lake from below. This washes them both out into the open waters, disabling Heavy in the process. I'm not sure exactly how this plan even works, considering we've seen in previous issues that Heavy is waterproof - I mean, did Eggman take out that feature when he rebuilt him? - but either way, it does work, though Sonic falls unconscious once he gets washed out. Man, between his first battle against M in StH#132 and his easy escape from a watery grave in Anti-Mobius just a few issues ago, it really seems like later comic issues like to play fast and loose with the whole "he can't swim" character trait. Sometimes he can detangle himself from tight rope bonds and swim to safety without a problem, and other times he blacks out within scant seconds of touching water, and you never know which one you're gonna get till the plot calls for it. Of course, he's fine after waking up on shore, having been rescued by Bunnie, and the Freedom Fighters tell him that as far as they can tell they disabled or destroyed every Bomb in the area, meaning Mina is safe once more. With the threat ended, Sonic and Mina say goodbye to each other for the night, with Sonic making Mina promise they'll go out for chili dogs sometime soon. However, this wouldn't be a story if something didn't go wrong…

I like to think that this isn't even a case of the Freedom Fighters randomly missing a Bomb, rather being part of Eggman's plan - send in the big, obvious cavalry first to be fought and predictably defeated, then send in one last little Bomb to finish the job once everyone's guard is down. The explosion alerts everyone outside the backstage area, and they rush in to find Mina sobbing over Ash's body. Don't worry, though - when they rush him to the hospital Dr. Quack is able to get him in a stable condition, meaning that though he has a long slow recovery ahead he'll ultimately be fine. Sonic escorts a distraught Mina into Ash's room, where she admits her true feelings to his sleeping form.

I'm surprised that Sonic genuinely seems a little disappointed at their reconciliation, but then again, he and Mina were clearly shown to have some chemistry even before the time skip, though Sonic was obviously drawn more to Sally. It seems that with he and Sally currently being on the outs, and Mina having split from Ash, he had actually considered taking the chance with her - I mean, they did agree to a chili dog date after all - but now that's obviously not happening. Well, maybe the chili dog date is, but not Sonic and Mina becoming an item. What I'm trying to say is, this page has just sunk your Sonic/Mina ship. Fortunately, with this second failure Eggman has decided that trying to kill Mina is too hard and not worth his time, so she should be safe for now. He still finds himself lamenting the loss of his robotic body, however (something that you'd think should be child's play for him to fix considering previously roboticizing himself is literally part of his backstory), finding his current organic body too breakable. The use of that word suddenly makes him pause, having just come up with a new idea… but Karl certainly won't be the one writing about it, as with that final line of dialogue, he's officially completed his time as head writer for the Archie Sonic comics! Sayonara, Karl Bollers - though there were certainly some rough patches, on the whole I enjoyed your work on the comic, and we'll miss ya!

More Than Meets the Eye

Writer/Pencils: Ken Penders Colors: Josh Ray

…though remember, we are still dealing with Penders for a few more issues yet. Since the mission into Megaopolis a couple issues ago, Rotor, Uncle Chuck, Tommy, Tails, and Snively (plus apparently Fiona, for some reason) have all been hard at work studying and trying to understand the nanites. They try blasting them with a ton of electricity, but when that elicits no response from the nanites Tommy worriedly thinks Snively killed them with the zap, though Snively corrects him that biologically speaking, they're not really "alive," nor is anything that Eggman makes. While you may be technically correct from a scientific standpoint, Snively, I think Nicole might have a thing or two to say about your assertion that machines can't be alive…

Well! It seems Tommy was also unconvinced by Snively's words, and his tear splashing down into the nanite goo triggers some kind of reaction, prompting them to rapidly spread out and reach tendrils of themselves towards him. He's understandably a little freaked out and retreats into his shell, but the nanites don't hurt him as they make contact with the shell - in fact, the sensation is ticklish and causes him to start giggling uncontrollably, which must make for a very weird sight as Uncle Chuck reenters the room to investigate the noise. Tommy assures him that he's all right - and then from out of nowhere, his shell sprouts a pair of goddamn wings, because why the hell not?

I initially took issue with this concept due to it being established canon that the nanites can only absorb and reshape non-living matter, whereas turtle shells are definitely living matter, being full of nerve endings and basically being formed from repurposed bone matter from the turtle's ribs and pelvis. However, the above dialogue seems to indicate that they were able to fuse with Tommy's shell anyway by connecting straight into his nervous system. I would guess that after Sonic introduced the nanites to the concept of organic and synthetic coexistence a couple issues ago, they were just waiting for the chance to "study" an organic specimen in their own weird way, and Tommy just happened to end up as their test subject.  Chuck and Tommy call everyone else in, where he notes that the nanites seem to react to his thoughts without said thoughts actually controlling the nanites directly. He demonstrates this by thinking vaguely that he wants to go somewhere, prompting a pair of jetpack engines to sprout from his shell and ignite, carrying him straight out of the lab and into the sky above Knothole. The others watch with an odd mixture of bemusement and amusement as the nanites fly Tommy's body in a pattern, using contrails to write "We're just going for a test drive" in the air. Well Tommy, looks like you have a really cool and unique new ability! It'd certainly be interesting to be fused with self-replicating nanomachines that react to your thoughts and wishes by morphing themselves in ways to grant those wishes, especially when they seem to actively like their host.

[seyaryminamoto]

A decade in review

So... I figured I’d join the corny crowd of people who are talking about their growth and achievements this decade. Looking back can actually help a lot when you lose sight of where you’re standing or where you’re going, soooo...

I started this decade halfway through writing an original story that I didn’t take all that seriously at the time. I was in ninth grade, so sure, I was young... and yet, as some people might know, I was clawing my way out of the worst depression I’ve ever faced. If you guys thought you’d seen my low points... yeah, no, I’ve never again hit a low point as badly as I did back then. Yet even though difficult things happened through the rest of the decade, I learned enough lessons from that early, terrible and distressing time (which happened at the end of the previous decade, to be precise, which is why it’s honestly not worth going into right now) that I managed to stay afloat, even if not easily, upon each new opportunity where depressions knocked on my door up to date.

Now, beyond my mental health, I was still in music school at the start of 2010, and I was certainly no longer as enthusiastic about it as I had been when I first enrolled. I didn’t realize at the time that my calling was something else entirely... and the more I wrote that story I mentioned above, the more I leaned away from one branch of art and towards another.

I think I got my first graphic tablet either in 2009 or 2010, at one of my birthdays. My sister dropped the pen on the first day, the tip broke and I flew into the worst of rages :’D she was so apologetic about it, I don’t think I’d ever seen her quite so remorseful, which was why I toned down eventually and cut her slack, did my best not to bring it up again... anyways, I learned to draw with that thing despite the malfunctioning pen, and the first artworks I did weren’t exactly brilliant... here’s one of them, one of the few I actually finished :’D

... Safe to say, I’ve learned a lot since those days, right? :’D

(also, if anyone wonders, that artwork features the main characters of that original story I mentioned, the original file is dated for April 2010, so indeed, a file from early on in the decade :’D)

Slowly, but surely, my life started to revolve more and more around writing and reading/watching stories of all sorts. I’d spend hours and hours every day watching anime (yep, my weaboo phase in full swing!), I’d devour most books that fell into my hands, and I even ended up volunteering at a library (does it really count as volunteering if the government forces you to volunteer or else you can’t graduate from high school...? Hmmmmmm...). I actually chose that library because most other options were basically to play babysitter for either kids or senior citizens, and I sure didn’t think I was equipped to deal with either thing. A library, though, meant I’d work with books most of all, and I was pretty sure I’d be more useful at that job.

Cue the irony that, because I was apparently so helpful, they decided to give me more important duties, such as DESK DUTY, because the other volunteers weren’t as trustworthy as me, and bye-bye to working directly with books. Haha. Sad.

But that temporary, sort-of job at that library definitely changed my outlook on my future, even if it felt like such a fortuitous thing, something I was forced to do rather than choosing to do it of my own volition.

For all my life I’d felt a ton of pressure because my family is always more science-oriented than any other I’ve ever met. So I had to excel at school because that was expected of me (all my siblings had, so I couldn’t lag behind them, I’d been disgustingly competitive with my siblings for too long to reason with it yet), and I actually was decent at science subjects. I blindly thought that science was the only possible path for me in life. I was seriously planning on going into engineering because I more or less enjoyed chemistry... but every time I thought about what it meant to finish a major in engineering of any sort, I always ended up asking myself one question: would I have time to write in that sort of career?

The mere thought of office work, lab work, which were guaranteeed to be the best thing I could aspire to once I finished college for engineering, sounded like a morbid funeral march to me. I honestly found myself thinking that’d be a waste of my life. And that’s not to say anyone who actually spends their life that way is wasting theirs, but I KNEW it wasn’t my calling.

One day, while at that library, I realized what my actual calling was: I wanted that life. I wanted to work with books, whether making them or writing them or selling them or just about anything to do with the business. A mix of my crazy storytelling passion with that particular job experience brought me to the conclusion that I needed to forsake my family’s big ole’ scientific legacy and to make my own choices. My three siblings could easily enough carry forward that “legacy”, I could do my thing instead.

I think that decision, which took more courage than I thought I had, was probably one of the best I’ve made in my entire life. Telling my mother I’d go into literature was NOT easy and I literally had to make the equivalent of a sales pitch for her to agree to it, investigating all I could about the career, researching as much as possible to show her there WERE career possibilities I could pursue if I chose this major, until she finally relented. And that success meant I was off to a whole new world of crazy once I graduated from high school.

Which I did indeed, in 2012. I wouldn’t start college until 2013 because my major’s first semester wouldn’t start until March, so I had a nice long break because the school year, in my country, ends in July. I had been exhausted of studying at the time, so the break was absolutely welcome. 

In the early stages of that time period, I actually finished that big ole’ original story of mine, and I couldn’t have been prouder of myself for it, even if I was sure I’d never show it to anyone. I was embarrassed of it, to a fault, because there was a lot of ridiculousness in it, the plot was all over the place despite following the storytelling beats I’d learned through the many anime I’d watched, and eventually it evolved into something completely different from what it started out as. I sometimes allowed myself to imagine what it would be like to write a big story that I could share with people and hopefully get more than a handful of readers for... Still, I tucked my original story away safely, because even if it was embarrassing, I was proud of what I’d learned with it. So I went on with a new original story, one I was DEAD SURE I’d be a better writer for, and that I would be much more successful with.

My sister visited us during that summer, and she showed me, my other sister and my mom, a certain TV series that she had very much enjoyed despite we had never thought much of it back when it was airing. 

I’d seen a couple of episodes back in the day, but none had quite impressed me. The first episode I saw had made the show appear like some sort of lame “villain of the week” show, and the second one (I probably only caught the second half of this one) had such mixed values and morals that I was completely appalled by it and decided it wasn’t my thing. Then I, uh, also watched the final minutes of the final episode and it seemed so very melodramatic for the SCARRED GUY to ask SOME IMPRISONED GUY where his mother was, only for the show not to address the answer at all and cut to a pair of kids kissing on a balcony.

Sooooo... my very unimpressed self had decided ATLA wasn’t my thing because of The Great Divide, the Southern Raiders and the last three minutes of Sozin’s Comet: Avatar Aang :’) I’m funny that way.

This time around, watching it from scratch, I was slightly more interested in it because the first few episodes DID look like there was a coherent plot that was going somewhere. So even though my mom and other sister didn’t keep watching (at the time), I decided to watch it by myself because well, why not?

... Cut to seven years later and here I am, still neck-deep in this particular, dark corner of that specific show’s fandom. September of 2012 was when the Seyary you all know came into existence (?)

I won’t lie and say my experience in this fandom hasn’t been a damn rollercoaster in its own right. I certainly started off with WAY more enthusiasm than I have now, just look at my Author’s Notes from my first stories or Gladiator’s first chapters and read my hyped notes for yourselves :’D I definitely was caught by the magic of the Avatarverse, the characters, so much about ATLA seemed to exude potential and, after being disappointed by the popular anime of the time (*cough* SAO *cough*), ATLA (and later LOK Book 1) were a breath of fresh air for my weaboo brain that was sick and tired of some really annoying tropes anime seemed to be throwing at me left right and center (I’M SO DONE WITH THE IMOUTO FETISH TO THIS DAY, I CATEGORICALLY REFUSE TO WATCH OR READ ANY DAMN STORY WITH ANYTHING FEATURING THAT GROSS AND FUCKED-UP CONCEPT).

So I enjoyed ATLA a lot, and then LOK Book 1 (I virtually watched all of that in one day and had REALLY HIGH HOPES for the next seasons. Heh. I’ll leave that as that). And like everyone who gets hyped about fandoms, I decided I needed to look up more stuff about it! Art, fics, you name it! And while I really enjoyed LOK back then, I had thought Korra’s story would unfold in a cool way in future seasons, since all four of them (I think) had been confirmed by the time I joined the fandom... whereas I was dissatisfied and in dire need of fix-it situations for my favorite ATLA character.

I started off looking for general Azula fics. Then, as usual, I started testing ships for her. There were some ships I never saw the point to, and I shall not name them, there were some ships I saw partial potential to but I wasn’t exactly thrilled about them, so again I shall not name them...

And then one day I was scouring DeviantArt and came across the gem you all know about, which I’ve gushed over for all these seven years as the entire reason I converted to this particular ship.

Secret Kiss by Saniika can be credited, 100%, for planting the seed of Sokkla in my head. I didn’t understand it right away, why lie, but I was definitely intrigued. All other Azula ships I’d found were shipped for obvious reasons, easy enough to pinpoint even if none was all that satisfactory for me... so I was confused by this one, absolutely. Why would someone ship this ship? Why would they ship it so hard as to commission such quality artwork about them? The same commissioner’s name popped up in pretty much every single epic artwork about these two at the time, and I was completely blown away by that. To be so dedicated to a ship, to make all those artworks about a huge story about them that I couldn’t seem to find in FF.net at the time...

Cue the surprise when I actually ended up befriending said commissioner barely a few months later, and she’s hands down one of the best friends I’ve ever had :’)

Still, no need to head into that particular territory right now xD I was curious about the pairing, but I was also wary. I looked for fics, none really seemed to tell canon-compliant stories about how they could have gotten together post-ATLA... at least, not while they were still young. I looked at a few stories but nothing really hit home yet.

Back in these days, I used to go to... gosh, the cringe of just saying so, to FACEBOOK for fandom purposes of all kinds. Yeah, I know Facebook communities aren’t necessarily terrible, but I sure as fuck ended up in all the wrong ones :’) so... heh. I befriended someone who had an Avatar page, and while in conversation with him, the subject of LOK’s Pro-Bending came up. We talked about how much fun it would be for ATLA’s benders to play it. And so, a few weeks later, on a bus ride back home after meeting some high school friends, I allowed the idea to blossom further. And suddenly I was 100% caught up in it, deciding I’d have to feature Azula somehow, and I decided to try my luck at doing that by making her Sokka’s girlfriend :’D his inexplicable girlfriend, at the moment. All of it, just for shits and giggles. Because why not!

So I wrote that story, both because of that momentary bout of inspiration and because my second big original story was falling apart on me due to world-building reasons. Do NOT ever talk to me about Celtic calendars. If you do, I will block you into infinity (?). So yeah! A writer’s block caused by Celtic calendars resulted in my decision to calm down by writing something else for a change.

I had little hopes to finish Origins of Pro-Bending, simply because I didn’t write fics. Whenever I had tried to write any around those years, it had NOT gone well. I had always fallen apart after a couple of chapters, failed to keep up the momentum, fumbled the story as a whole in the end. So I decided to take this easy, and I posted it to FF.net despite not being sure I was ready for that: I hadn’t written a story in English in AGES, and you do NOT want to know what was the story in English I’d written before this. You do not. If you even ask, I WILL BLOCK YOU EVEN MORE THAN I DID WITH THE CALENDAR! *heavy breathing*

Okay, so... back to the topic, I honestly didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t really expect much, because I figured not a lot of people would really care for anything I posted. But then... that view counter started to shift. The numbers kept going up, and the more chapters I posted, the more it did. The reviews also poured in, slowly at this point, and then in a certain chapter there were NO REVIEWS AT ALL. Which I considered a fail. I honestly thought it meant my story was a flop, a failure, and I should just STOP because NO ONE CARED.

... Have I ever been accused of being overly dramatic? If not, it’s only because I hide it relatively well... sometimes :’)

But I said “it’s okay, I’ll finish it. My friend wants to read it after all, and I’ll just write it so he can see it to the end. I’ll finish uploading on FF.net even if no one cares anymore, because maybe someone someday will want to read it, even if no one does now”.

... Overly dramatic Seyary then finished her story and halfway there came up with the idea for a NEW ONE! The PREQUEL! The story of how Sokka and Azula fell in love! All by listening to The Reason. And as much as I had thought I wouldn’t keep writing fics after OoPB, that idea was too powerful to ignore. So when OoPB picked up reviews and views all over again and ended with what I considered was a BANG, I said “THIS SHOW’S NOT GONNA STOP HERE!” and I went and wrote the Reason next, obsessively, literally pushing through the entire, near 100K story, in A MONTH. I honestly wrote every day. I’d NEVER done something like that :’) Granted, I was pretty constant with OoPB, but it was shorter and I wasn’t quite as psyched about it as I was with The Reason.

Honestly, The Reason is where I REALLY fell for Sokkla, for everything that it was, for everything that it could be. I had felt its potential since OoPB, and I had concluded Sokka could make Azula smile like next to no one else could... that is, if anyone else could at all. But the whole spectrum of it, the storytelling potential, the development of both characters... I hadn’t understood it yet. And by the time I did, with The Reason... wow, there really was no turning back.

So I ended up writing that, and then I wrote Break In and How They All Reacted. And in between I made a few AMVs that Viacom NICELY tore down and are no longer available for you guys. Sorry ‘bout that. I did what I could.

The thing that was getting to me most, though, (and, why lie, feeding my ego a bit too much) was looking at FF.net’s data spreadsheets, available only for each user: it wasn’t so much the number of readers, which did overwhelm me on its own right anyhow... it was the places they came from. The fact that I could see, according to this data, that people in South Africa were opening my story, in Romania, in New Zealand, in Singapore... I had allowed myself, very briefly, to imagine I would one day publish books and that they might not be complete fails, but I NEVER expected anything I wrote to be read by people who lived halfway across the world, who had entireliy different cultures from my own, who had no idea who I was but wanted to find something to read and had decided to click on my story, amongst all the many possibilities. That particular function of FF.net is probably my favorite on that site, like I said not because of the numbers but because of the places. Even if your readers aren’t outspoken or they don’t even bother favoriting, following or reviewing... they still count in ways they don’t imagine. They may just look like one more number on FF.net’s spreadsheets, but when that number is connected to a location it feels much more real, I think. As an author, that means that’s one more person, somewhere in the world, who decided to give my story a chance.

On a day of February, 2013, one such person left a review I really enjoyed and that I thanked him for profusely. In his response, he brought up that he had been watching documentaries about the Roman Empire and he had thought about an AU for ATLA where maybe Sokka was captured by the Fire Nation and turned into a gladiator, only to become Azula’s sponsored fighter later on, a fighter she’d want to sponsor merely to stave off boredom. He was bringing it up to me because he didn’t want to write it himself, and he thought maybe I would be interested in trying my hand at it since I seemed so passionate about Sokka and Azula.

At first I only thanked him for the idea, said I wanted to focus on my canon-based stories instead and I was sooooo not interested in AUs at the time...

Ahahahaha.

AHAHAHAHA.

Joke was on me the whole time.

As I’ve mentioned, I went to bed one day, about a month later, and my brain exploded with the possibilities of this story. I told this guy, he was thrilled. I told my closest fandom friends at the time, they were STOKED. One of them told me to get off my ass and start writing that ASAP. Which... I followed through with. Immediately.

It feels a bit strange to think I’ve been writing the same story for nearly 7 years now, with next to no breaks, with such persistence I barely can recognize my early 2010′s self from that. Nope, no worldbuilding nonsense stopped me here: I FIGURED THINGS OUT. I worked through it all. And then I figured it out some more.

Back when I was first scouting the fandom’s fanfiction archives (in FF.net in particular, seeing as I didn’t even have an AO3 account at the time), I remember looking at the biggest, top reviewed stories and wondering how it would feel to be the author of one of those. Most those stories had gotten started either early in the show’s run, or just earlier that same decade... nothing I did was bound to pick up that much steam, I thought, especially when I was writing about what was, by all means, a rarepair that I posted about on Tumblr to like... 8 notes per post. At best.

The first time someone sent me an ask to let me know Gladiator had made it into the first page of top reviewed fics I nearly fell over myself in shock. Admittedly, I’ve gotten used to the feeling by now... but at the time I could barely believe I’d come THAT far without really expecting or meaning to.

I’ve really dealt with a lot of nonsense alongside with the story, ups and downs, highs and lows, nasty situations just as blissful ones... people making art for my story was certainly an incredible highlight. That, as well, is something I did NOT think would ever happen to me. Unlike the top-reviewed page thing, it’s actually impossible to get used to art about your fic xD it’s always amazing.

And I’ve met people from all around the world, made friends far and wide, reached heights I didn’t think I would. I’ve said I’m much more jaded these days, it’s true enough, but that doesn’t mean I’ve lost sight of what this story means in the long run. Gladiator truly is the best story I’ve ever written, in just about every regard. Is it perfect? Have I made nothing but right decisions with it? Nah. But that doesn’t mean I’m not absolutely proud of it for what it is, for all the work I’ve poured into it, for every moment spent building that story into what it is and for how far I’ve come thanks to it.

Everything else in the decade really feels like a blur because of Gladiator, but I’ll say that I’ve as good as finished college by now (while writing Gladiator :’D), I have written all my thesis and am stuck waiting endlessly for my supervisor to goddamn answer me already to say whether I’m ready to go forward with the presentation yet and GRADUATE! But until then I’m stuck waiting on that, even if my college career is pretty much over.

As for my work experience... heh. I had two of those this decade. One... writing clickbait articles. Wow, was that shitty. I hated every second of it. I was pretty sure I was killing people by doing that, because some people are indeed gullible enough to believe the shit I was forced to write. And the pay? It was SHIT. So, as soon as I had a good excuse, I kicked that particular door shut and got out of that mess immediately. And then I got my TV station job too... which started great, and ended up being another shitty disaster. While it had some really wonderful highlights, I made friends with this senior, wonderful video editor who was endearing beyond belief, I learned a ton of things I wouldn’t have learned otherwise (like having the patience to put up with an iMac from 2009 in 2018, to name one thing!), but I also had to endure REALLY dreadful management that led me to even wonder how the damn network was even on-air half the time. The experience in that network taught me a lot about what to expect in work environments, and to NEVER trust the tried, boring and true “this place feels like a family!” claim. Half the time it’s like they don’t realize families are usually complicated, full of unpleasant power-based relationships, secrets, resentment and problems of all sorts. So sure, the workplace might be like a family. Definitely not like a GOOD family, though.

And speaking of families... I’ve developed new appreciation for mine over these years, just as I’ve grown enough to see the cracks everywhere, the problems, even all the way to realizing even an allegedly dream-like family like my own can absolutely be torn apart by miscommunication, pride, stubbornness and refusal of members to acknowledge their wrongdoings. I’ve done my best by my family despite that’s not saying much, I’m indeed a lazy butt who spends way too much time on a computer writing crazy stories rather than working around the house... but I think I’ve never felt more loved and appreciated by my parents as I have in recent times, especially this year. We’ve talked more, opened up more, they’ve even told me the story of how they fell in love (the growth of their relationship all documented through PHOTO ALBUMS!!), they’ve leaned on me in hard times and I think we’re tighter than ever.

On the downside... my grandfather died during this decade too. To this day the loss stings, even though by all means we weren’t the type of super-close grandfather and granddaughter who spend every waking moment together. But the thing is... we were so different, with so little in common, and yet that man loved me so genuinely, so unconditionally I could barely understand it. What had I ever done to be so important to him, beyond being his youngest granddaughter? I always had thought he would feel closer to other of his grandchildren, those who had more things in common with him, and yet when my grandmother died he wanted me to sit with him on the car on our way to the funeral, and just holding my hand seemed to help him gain strength to face what was coming. 

In his final moments he hardly recognized anyone, not even my dad, his son. He kept talking about his childhood home, as though he had returned to his youth and forgotten where and when he was, losing all connection with time and space. But when my dad told him I was there, visiting him... he smiled. And he called me the nickname he always used for me. To the last moment, he knew who I was. I mattered, even if I didn’t know why. When they told me he had passed away I cried, and I cried some more, and to this day I feel like crying for it still, sometimes. I will never, EVER doubt my grandfather truly loved me, and I’ll always carry that with me, no matter where the world goes. I’ve lucked out with this family, but I’d never known unconditional love like the one he always showed me. He was a special man, and losing him certainly was one of the saddest moments in this decade.

Aaalright, so, on a less emotional note... I’ve certainly improved a fuckload with my art, which you all must imagine after the glimpse at one of my earliest artworks up there. That I’ve gone from that to this...

speaks for itself, I hope :’) It’s supposed to be same characters, this one was finished earlier this month. I didn’t post it until now because I frankly didn’t expect anyone would understand what it was or care for it much x’D but it seemed the right opportunity to post it now, especially when talking about art growth.

In any case, I may still have a ton of anxiety to this day, and I definitely am not as confident in many areas as I was when the decade began, I realized I honestly don’t have all the answers and I always have to be ready to learn new things from people, no matter who it is. There’s some regards in which I haven’t progressed enough in, why lie... but I’m hoping the next decade will bring meaningful changes in that department, such as my plans to leave the country, which should come to fruition by next year around March, if all things go according to keikaku (I’ll surely have to return after 6 months, but it’s better than nothing at least). And of course, I do hope I’ll continue to grow as a writer, that all this experience with Gladiator will mean I’ll be 100% ready to write any future original stories I want to (and that I’ll be able to rewrite that specific story and move beyond the slump I fell into because of the DAMN CELTIC CALENDAR!!).

Also, just in case I didn’t get it across in other posts where I mentioned it, I revisited that old original story last year, and despite the messes and mistakes and ridiculousness of it... I love it more now than I ever did before. I’m really proud of it. I know most people cringe at everything they wrote when they were younger... I honestly can’t do anything but look back in pride. My starting point was the best one it could possibly have been.

Now, what’s my resolution for the next decade?

Finishing Gladiator

Yeah, there’s probably going to be other stuff I’ll want to do too. But for now, that shall be the priority. It won’t take just a year, it probably won’t take two... but I will absolutely see this big, chaotic baby to the last moment, and I will savor and suffer and cry and rejoice every step of the way. There is much left I want to achieve, many new objectives to conquer, and I’m going towards them with as open a mind as I can muster. May this 2020, and the years that follow, mark a new starting point that I’ll look back on with pride, just as I can do the same with where I started off in 2010.

Happy New Year to all of you who read this really long post, and I really hope you have a great year and decade, and starting point of your own, in 2020.

[hadleyfxster]

( DUA LIPA. DEMIFEMALE. SHE/THEY. TWENTY-FIVE. ) Hey, is that HADLEY FOSTER? I heard they’ve been in Salem for TWO YEARS and they’re working as a NURSE. Last I spoke to ‘em they were pretty +SAGACIOUS, but I hear they can be -DEFIANT too. I wonder if they’ve got anything to do with this. ( cal, 23, they/them, est. )

henlo, i am cal and this is my babe hadley. below you’ll find a whole shpeal about them. pls excuse how messy it is, i tend to word vomit when i write!! if ya’ll are interested in plotting pls lmk as i would love to establish some fun connections. i even added some potential ones at the very bottom ~ 

name: hadley mickey foster nickname(s): hads, haddie, mickey job: nurse age: twenty-five gender: demigirl pronouns: she/they sexuality: bisexual / biromantic birthday: april 2nd zodiac: aries personality type: the entertainer | esfp

label: the reveller - a person who is enjoying themselves in a lively and noisy way.

brazen ( adj ) : bold without shame astute ( adj ) : having or showing an ability to accurately assess situations or people and turn this to one's advantage sagacious ( adj ) : having or showing keen mental discernment and good judgment; shrewd. tactless ( adj ) : having or showing a lack of adroitness and sensitivity in dealing with others or with difficult issues. defiant ( adj ) : showing defiance.

then

growing up, hadley didn’t want to be a nurse. no, they wanted to be a police officer and fight the bad guys, just like their father. he was their hero, protecting their mother and them as well as their city. they understood his lack of presence at home was because of his job- they got that. so they often hid their disappointment at missed school events, birthday parties, and good night hugs.

being primarily raised by their mother, hads did their best to keep out of her way. unfortunately, they’d always been a bit on the wild side and trouble would always follow no matter where they went. between climbing things they shouldn’t have, a few boken bones, and getting in trouble at school for speaking out and starting fights in the name of justic, they weren’t a bad kid - just a difficult one. 

at one point, age eleven, they’d broken their leg and was stuck in the house one summer for months on end. this left them with little to do and led them into the great hobby that is art. haddie got so caught up in creating things and, subsequently, ruined so much clothing due to pain and pastels. it was amazing to them that they hadn’t gotten attached to art before this but it certainly resulted in a bit of an obsession. they circled between studying artists paintings and work and creating their own during the months they weren’t able to participate in any of their other extracurricular activities.

haddie’s childhood was pretty good, all in all. their family we well-off financially, their mother, despite them being unruly, loved them endlessly and thier father remained a hero in their eyes. they had some vacations together here and there. hads participated in a handful of different sports ( dance, soccer, swimming ) and kept their hobby of art. 

( murder tw, racism tw ) of course, things were bound to change and it burst their bubble, waking them from their daydream world like a bucket of ice water. their dad having a gun never really bothered them. he’d taught them the danger of it, as well as how to shoot one, and the never really considered the consequences of it. they learned about it on the news. fourteen year old hads had made it a habit to watch cnn to make sure to keep up to date on what was happening in their city of chicago. the video of their father shooting an unarmed black man ( no, boy, he couldn’t be much older than they were ) burned itself into their mind. the subsequent grief of his family weighed heavily on their shoulders as they remained glued to the television. the time it took for the trial against their father and the suspension to wrap up was too short for them to digest it all. he barely got away with a slap on the wrist and that family lost someone important- the whole city did. hadley had to stand by their father during the whole time, their mother’s hands holding them in place, her nails digging into their shoulder to keep them from retreating or reacting. the whole ordeal changed them. this was the point when their entire future path changed and their love for their father, and the police force, crumpled to ashes. 

( alcoholism tw, abuse tw ) the rest of their high school career saw them deeply troubled. they chose to test out of a few grades, jumping ahead in determination to reach their new goal. their mother, struggling with the torn relationship between child and spouse, did her best to support them with this decision. they’d come to appreciate her attempts later on but in the moment they were too stuck in their head. they had a goal and they needed to reach it as soon as they could. they dropped all their extra-curricular activities, stopped creating art, and focused fully on studying. when they weren’t studying, they would break into their parents stash of alcohol and drink their self into a tizzy. their parents didn’t really recognize the signs of their trouble child, too caught up in their own problems and work. it wasn’t until their father caught them with a bottle of rum one evening, curled up on their couch, that things seemed to come to light. he attempted to berate them, scold them, and ground them. his fury was huge but hads easily over powered him. their screaming match drew the attention of their mother, who couldn’t do anything to calm either. the fight came to a head that resulted in their father lashing out physically at them. his ring nicked their cheek, cutting a line along their cheekbone that would later result in a scar. the quiet that had settled over the room after that could be cut with a knife and hadley was the first to break it. the ‘get out’ they had spit out, voice already hoarse from the yelling previously, was strong and unmoving. the expression on their father’s face was twisted, as though he couldn’t believe the child that used to worship him could turn into what was on the ground before them. he left. their mother immediately collapsed, a sobbing mess that they couldn’t try to collect in the moment because their fear finally settled in. fear of a man they realized they never really knew. 

the aftermath was, surprisingly, unexciting. their father returned the next morning and acted as if nothing happened. he seemed to clean up some of his act, however, they were hardly fooled. their mother, though, she seemed to sink into an easy acceptance that things could be fixed- that her spouse would fix them. haddie knew better. there was no going back. ever since that faithful day in front of the t.v., there would be no reconciliation between them. with their mother’s approval, they started university as soon as possible, graduating two years early and finally getting out.

now

8 years later along with another early graduation on their part, hadley settled into a job as a nurse in salem, mass. their time in universty and subsequently med. school changed them quite a bit from how they were in their early and late teens. the freedom away from their parents allowed them to fully settle into their skin and the ease that came with it brightened them up immensely. they seemed to regress to their carefree and energetic nature they held as a child, picking up art again as well as a sport ( kickboxing ). the trauma and toil of their past buried close to their heart as they began their career in the hospital. 

mickey wears their heart on their sleeve and it didn’t take long for them to find love in salem. the two were together for a solid seven months before they ultimately fell apart and hads heart was torn apart. the horror of this particular break up caused some previous issues to emerge in them and they decided to swear off romantic relationships all together. 

they talk to their mother once a week and have yet to talk to their father. 

they’re not at all a fan of authority figures, especially police, and are defiant when faced with them.

they’re a bit of an odd personality to work in the hospital, but they seem to fit in surprisingly well. their character tends to be seen as refreshing and, though they lack tact, they make up for it with their enthusiasm and optimism. 

hadley has a big ol’ cat, a mainecoon, named baloo that they are allergic too but love with all their heart. they found him on the streets and couldn’t find him an owner so they decided to keep him even if they have to take allergy meds all the time and maybe wake up somewhat dying cause baloo decided to flop on their face.

their room is part sleeping space part art studio. they have a bunch of posters of famous paintings as well as some of their own on the walls and there’s definitely a ton of paint stains on the light hardwood floors. 

they’re a bit of a partier and tend to induldge in wine nights on the occasion. they definitely have a lot more control over their drinking then when they were younger and have come to manage their self fairly well. sure, they can sometimes get into trouble ( most of the time without intending too ) but they reached their goal of working in medicine and aren’t about to risk their job over anything. 

they love to give platonic kisses and hold hands and hugs. if you allow them to, they will hang over their friends with great enthusiasm. 

big fan of petnames and using them with everyone. 

wanted

ex-partner : it didn’t end well, in fact, they’re the reason hadley has sworn off any and all romantic relationships. the two don’t talk- mostly because hads refuses to even acknowledge their existence less her more fight-y side emerges.

housemate(s) : haddie has never really wanted to live by herself. she loves people and is really into skinship. somehow, someway she either roped them into living with her or they accepted her ad or she accepted their ad but now they’re housemates and hads couldn’t be happier to come home to a lived in house.

mega crush : even though she’s sworn off romantic relationships, her heart just can’t seem to stop itself from speeding up every time she’s around this individual. she’s doing a pretty good job of being in denial but it’s not the easiest thing to hide seeing as her face is an open book.

best friend : literal ride or die, she’ll do anything for them and vice versa. 

friends with benefits : 

patient : someone hads has had the misfortune of taking care of while on the job, can develop from there 

patient #2 : someone mickey here has, for whatever reason, ended up stitching/fixing up when not at the hospital. due to whatever situation she came to their aid and helped them out ( perhaps more than once ? )

bar buddies : someone haddie always runs into at the bar but has yet to push to be friends or anything further. the two have a pretty steady history of just making small talk together.

skinship buddies : they both love to hang off one another and get along swimmingly. sometimes they’re mistaken as being in a romantic relationship but things are strictly platonic- they just love to be close to one another

[darkballsofsight]

Can't close the stable door after the horse has bolted

Redglare 02/05/2019

So there you stood, the two of you side by side outside of the entrance to the massive precinct and law housing. The construction on it managed to finish in a timeline manner despite all the crisis and setbacks. It was a marvelous sight, and it was the place you lovingly called home.

"So, what do you think? It's breathtaking, isn't it? Our offices and housing are all here in this massive building." You look up at him with you hands on your hips.

Darkleer 02/05/2019

It sure was a building. A nice one, yeah, nicer than most trolls on Alternia might have. Not exactly better than what you used to have, at times when you still had a hive. Not that you should really care about looks. You don't. You've housed in a tiny hut for the last couple of years- You notice her eyes are still on you. ..Uh, she's.. expecting you to say something, right. Praise it, even? "Ah. Yes. It's nice."

Terrible. You did a terrible job, Darkleer.

This is already awfully tedious and you regret ever coming. Hng.

Redglare 02/06/2019

You give him a nudge and jerk your head in the direction of the door, making your way in and leading him to follow.

"Oh come on! Think of all the space you'll have to tinker!" You flash him a grin.

Darkleer 02/06/2019

"Uh. Sure." You follow obediently. It just slowly dawns on you that you may be expected to move into here too? Oh. Hm.

Redglare 02/06/2019

You prop your cane in the crook of your elbow to free up a hand to open the double doors. You outstretch your arms in a grand fashion and beam.

"Welcome! This is-"

And out the corner of your eye you spy... The Queen's maidens.

Darkleer 02/06/2019

You realize too late that you could have should have helped her with the door, especially with her cane. Well, matter, you can easily reach over her and hold the door open, ready to follow whenever she enters.

Your senses immediately pick up on a few presences though. Quite a few. Not sure if you'd like to engage....

Redglare 02/06/2019

You feel the door being propped open for you and redistribute your weight to your cane once more. You're too stubborn to ever ask for a hand but it's appreciated regardless. You realize now, however, that you forgot to mention the queen had these handmaidens.

"Hello, ladies! We have a new man on the force, but you don't have to fuss over him just yet. I'll give him the tour and call for you if we need help with his luggage." You send them away with an appreciative smile, fearing that their presence would bring him additional stress too early. However, it was probably best he was introduced to them with you in his presence rather than being startled by them later.

Darkleer 02/06/2019

"A-ah, thank you, I won't... be needing help. I can handle the luggage. No need to bother anyone with it..." You greet them with a few hesitant nods, just enough to not have to look up to them. One hand moves to push up the shades covering up the cameras that make your eyes. No need to freak out any residents of this place this soon already.

Redglare 02/06/2019

"Sorry, I probably should have warned we were going to be greeted by them. I just got so used to their presence." With a final wave to them, you continued walking through what was formerly a very grand hotel and what was now the lobby for the precinct and your homes. You wonder on where to begin, and remember that yes, he is carrying his luggage around.

"Did you want to drop off your belongings before we get started? You're welcome to pick any room from any of the floors that has not yet been taken. I still haven't picked one myself, haven't been around much to do so even though my stuff has been sitting in storage..."

Darkleer 02/06/2019

"I can just leave them here if they bother you." You wouldn't mind carrying them around for as long as you need to. The weight means little to you.

"I don't need much in my accomodations in terms of uh, appliances or comfort. Just space. Maybe if you have something like an unused garage... Or basement.. that would do."

Redglare 02/06/2019

You give him a puzzled look for his comment. Bothering you? Goodness, no. You weren't the one that was carrying them.

"It's up to you, they're your bags. As for the space you need..." You give it some thought and realize all you had seen in the building when scouting for a potential room were the residential wards and the kitchen.

"We could do a bit of exploring during the tour to figure that out, because I have no idea. Perhaps I can give Her Majesty a call and see what we can figure out for you."

Darkleer 02/08/2019

"I will hold onto them... for now. Until I find a good place to put them down. They would only be in the way here." You don't mind the prospect of exploring the place. Actually, you'd much rather do that for a whole day than having to consult anyone else around here but ah. That's not up to you. Guess you'll do the thing that normal people do and... talk with people.

"That would certainly make things easier." As long as she handled the call.

The thought of encountering Her Majesty runs a shiver down your spine. From all you've heard so far, the Prospitian queen seems friendly enough. But your last experience with directly serving under a ruler's order has been, well, subpar.

Redglare 02/10/2019

You nod your head and continue your walk, trying to decide what wing to start in first. This building was... a lot bigger than you remembered. "Of course I'll make the call, but you've got to meet her eventually you know."

You look behind and smile at him, a taunting grin that he had seen many times before, but it quickly melted into a warmer smile.

"She's absolutely wonderful. I feel such a sense of calm in her presence. Oh, you. I am so glad to have you here. Can you imagine how strange it feels to be, well, how many sweeps old are we now?" You ramble on in your excitement as you pick a hallway to lead him down. It took you a bit to remember but you think the kitchen is this way. It shouldn't be too busy at this time, you managed to time the tour when most have already had their breakfast and clocked into work. You also think it a good time to bring up what you and Pembrooke had spoken about just last night. "Something to help you get settled, I've got a potential job for you."

Darkleer 02/10/2019

"Too many.." you just reply.

You didn't exactly keep track of your age, especially recently. But you could easily figure out the exact number if you bothered. But what you have learned by now is that no creature should be allowed to last this long, for the sake of everyone else and themselves.

You quietly follow, carefully taking in any detail you can spot. If you're expected to reside here from now on, you should know your way around this place.

A job already? Well, you're not going to complain. Having something to keep you busy would be nice. You're just a bit surprised and possibly overwhelmed at how fast everything seems to happen. "What do you have in mind?"

Redglare 02/12/2019

"Too many indeed, but I'm finally feeling as if I'm doing something worthwhile with the rest of my sweeps. Not that what I tried before my disappearance wasn't but... Look you know what I mean." You give off a chuckle as you continue down the halls. You point out to him and explain each room of importance as you pass. Some were for meetings, some were offices. Some were gathering halls and eateries, and of course, the kitchen.

"Well, when I ducked out last night, I meant with Pembrooke to discuss all that happened since my absence. The force has got a bunch of tech from the enemy lines, which is great timing for your arrival. Is it within your skillset to track down what hands it's all been in and who produced it?"

Darkleer 02/13/2019

"Hm. I will.. have to see the tech. I work well with marechines, but to be honest, it is neigh impossible to keep up with all facets of programming and manufacturing that a single species can come up with. Let alone two or three..."

Ah. She hopefully didn't put all her hopes into you for this, did she? Hh.. You can do a lot of heavy duty and... build machines for heavy duty. You're also good at following leads, but it turns out the world develops far too quick for an old horse like you to keep up.

"I-I will take a look. It may be a very simple and obvious case. And if it's not, I will learn what is necessary.."

You hate to disappoint her, but it may already be far too late for that. Breaking news, you're not that great.

Skylla 02/13/2019

Yer name's Skylla Koriga and you've just changed out of yer uniform after a good day of woofbeast trainin'. Also patrol duty which wasn't all that great, but hey least nothing bad happened this time round.

You were planning on taking a small walk 'round the city; it sure is a big ol' city after all; and thus are in the hallway when ya spy Madam Redglare with....

Wait that ain't a Zahhak. Least ain't one ya know ya reckon.

Darkleer 02/14/2019

Well, your horns and size should definitely betray you as a Zahhak.

You spot her quickly. A future co-worker, probably. A bronzeblood, is she? By far not a small or frail looking one, but smaller than you regardless - and a lowblood. You're aware that blood castes are supposed to matter little in this city and you've long tried to leave the expectations and prejudices pounded into you by centuries of imperialistic indoctrination behind (emphasis on tried). But you can't assume that automatically means she is fine with your presence.

You hunch over a little, more or less consciously making yourself smaller, and turn your otherwise motionless face away.

"Good marening.."

Feferi 02/14/2019

You're name is Feferi Piexes and you are trotting down the hall from the other direction with a spring in your step. you spot Chief Redglare and suddenly feel more anxious. No doubt the inspector reported your folly with the with whole Eidan situation to her and it worries you that you are on thin ice with her. "Oh! H-hi Chief. Welcome home," you say with a bit of a worried smile. "ah and hello, sir," you greet the large Zahhak looking man with her. Wait, is he a Zahhak? Those horns are well, tall but very similar.

Darkleer 02/14/2019

Another guest arrives. Which isn't quite correct. You're the guest and this is their home.

You hear her approach right away, but you only turn around when she actually speaks up - and immediately freeze. A seadweller, and a fuchsia one on top. Such a young one, too.

A- and in a servicing position? She called Redglare 'chief'. Hh, that. Is going to take a while to wrap your mind around.

"Hhhell. O. Good mare- mer-  ..rning."

Your eyes would go wide if you still had any. Unfortunately, your voice still betrays you. God, what a first impression.

Redglare 02/14/2019

Disappointed? You were nothing of the sort. You instead give a hearty laugh and nod your head at him. "I understand. Or rather, I don't! Which is why I thought to ask you. Just a simple look into it is more than enough for your first task, might be a good way for you to get to know who we're up against."

You were about to open your mouth to say something else but you were greeted by two of your officers. You worry their presence may overwhelm Darkleer, but now was a better time than any to get them aquainted in a relaxed fashion.

You give a way to the first troll that approached the two of you. "Hey there, officer. Apologies I didn't let you know right away I made it back, I know I still owe you lunch."

You turn and bow your head to Feferi, wondering if she was harbouring any fears for bumping into you. Her stammering gave it away. You simply wave and offer a warm greeting in return. "Hello, officer. Thank you, it's good to be back."

"These are two of the officers assigned to the precinct." You offer to Darkleer, looking at him to check for any signs of discomfort.

Skylla 02/15/2019

The need to defend yourself-- physically or verbally-- from the older bluebood is real strong in ya, but then he falters upon seeing Feferi, who also shows up and you take that moment t' reign in yer emotions. It ain't fair of ya t' assume this blueblood will be like those from home. Ya gotta take that chance right??

So you relax yer stance and give him, Fef and Chief a real pleasant smile. "Howdy Chief! Ya ain't gotta worry ' bout none o' that now!"

"And always nice t' meet a new lawfolk Sir! Officer Skylla Koriga at yer service!~"

You wonder how he's related to the Zahhaks if at all; same hatch cluster??

Feferi 02/15/2019

The fact that she's smiling at you and everything sort of only makes you more nervous. You nod to her then offer a hand to the newcomer, "Nice to meet you. I'm Officer Ferferi Piexes."

Darkleer 02/15/2019

Redglare knows you well enough to discover some signs of mild discomfort in you, which means your actual levels of discomfort are through the roof.

You just barely resist the urge to kneel before the young heiress. (Does she even qualify as such *more importantly does even want that do you even have any right to question any of that-)

Judging from the interaction with Redglare, a handshake seems to be the appropriate reaction. While your thoughts arw racing, you manage to make yourself take her hand, soft and careful to not risk hurting her, but  somewhat incredibly stiff.

(It doesn't help that the Empress you served under would have gladly seen you licking her boots how could anyone possibly be expect you how to properly handle his situation and oh god did she say Peixes just like--)

"It's. A pleasure. I'm the Ex- Expatriate. Darkleer. Zahhak."

Feferi 02/15/2019

Expatriate? That is an odd title for someone to give themself but you aren't going to judge or make assumptions without hearing his story. A story you are in fact, absolutely curious about. "I look forward to working with you Mr. Zahhak!" you say cheerfully, trying to be something of your regular self in spite of your worry that the chief is going to reconfirm the inspector's admonishments and worse.

Skylla 02/16/2019

Expatriate? Ain't that meaning he be living outside his native land?? Hey just cause ya sound like a country bumpkin it don't mean ya don't know what them big words means! You reckon that he meant t' say a different title; but it ain't the time t' bother the blueblood 'bout it.

"Any relation t' them other Zahhaks we gots here Mr. Darkleer Sir?"

Darkleer 02/16/2019

Indeed, there is a different title. Once your whole pride and life, it feels even more shameful to wear than the one denoting you as the traitor and coward you ultimately are.

"I have... been told about them. I have yet to meet them." You cannot confirm or deny any relation to either of them, but considering the name and blood and apparent similarity. Well uh. It's an obvious case.

Skylla 02/16/2019

Hey to be fair to ya, it's only when ya got t' Midnight City that ya been seeing trolls of similar blood n type; it ain't common at all back on Alternia considerin' that ya don't got what the humans calls "siblings." And the blueblood before ya is loads of sweeps older for sure; it's not that obvious t' you.

"Well reckon they'd be mighty interested t' meet ya! Hope it goes well then Sir."

Redglare 02/16/2019

You watch with pride as the interactions between the three go swimmingly, hoping that his exposure to both a lowblooded troll and the highest of royalty in the same breath would have him come to realize how different things were in Midnight City. Castes of blood were almost inconsequential here, it was only irony that you, as a teal blood, found yourself in a roll similar to that which you once held.

"It's a good thing we all bumped into each other. I wasn't so sure how to surprise you all with his presence, but finding him was the cause of my being away. He's a good friend of mine, and I'm happy to have him on the force." You say with a beaming grin to your two officers. Yes, you had mentioned his descendants to him, and although you agree in their potential interest in meeting their ancestor, he still seemed apprehensive about their meeting.

You saw the signs of discomfort welling up in your dear friend, but hoped that this informal welcome would wash them away. He was difficult to read at times, and you worry that his self loathing was likely to remain as it had all these sweeps. But in due time you knew it in your heart that he'd come to love it here and dedicate himself to the force.

You look back to them after reaching to give him a gentle pat on the arm. "You two off duty now? I was trying to think of where else to bring him on our little tour. Still don't know my own way around here, so I'm doing a bit of discovery myself." You figure it best to set aside work business for now, the stress of the upcoming war must be on everyone's minds and you figure a bit of lighthearted banter and conversation would do everyone, including the ever-nervous Darkleer, some good.

Feferi 02/17/2019

"Oh yeah I am at the moment. My shift was earlier today," you say. "But if there's anything you need I'm happy to help."

Skylla 02/17/2019

"Same; was gonna go walk 'round town but reckon there's still loads of places t' check out right here." Come t' think of it, has the Chief moved in yet? You're sure she's got a home but ya haven't actually seen her round.... then again, she is the Chief so she probably real busy. Like PI!

"Well, we gots the weights n exercise room, as well as the rooftop areas n whatnot!" You suggest helpfully. "What places have ya both already been t'?"

Darkleer 02/18/2019

Oh, you're realizing how different things are here. You've most likely already noticed by observing some people out on the street on the way here. But this? Cultural shock would be an understatement.

Redglare's pat on your arm is not enough to actually calm you down by far, but manages to startle you out of yet another anxious-ridden train of thought. Ah. They're tagging along. Joy.

"Nowhere, really, besides the hallway.." Not to put Redglare on blast. You're just stating the facts. "We were on the way to the kitchen." The exercise room actually sounds tempting, but you'll probably get to that one sooner or later.

Feferi 02/19/2019

"There's also a pool. But I guess at this time of year I'm the only one who likes the water even when it's indoors," you say. On one hand more people hanging out at the pool with you would be great but at the same time, it was kinda nice that you mostly had it to yourself.

Redglare 02/19/2019

"That would be my fault, the direction less wandering." You laugh at Darkleer's throwing you under the bus, but don't take it to heart. You considered it an accidental light jest more than anything.

"A room for excercising and a pool, eh? We really do have everything here. More like luxury resort than a precinct, but I'm not complaining. Suppose I can show off the kitchen first, and then let either of you show us to where you'd like?" You motion for the two officers to continue along with you and Darkleer, thinking the invitation was only polite.

Skylla 02/20/2019

"I'm rather partial to the rooftops really." You admit a bit sheepishly. "Once the warm weather rolls on in, reckon me 'n the Inspector are gonna go abouts plantin' a rooftop garden. There's certainly the space for it! Though the gym is also pretty neat too." Gotta keep on workin' t' keep in shape after all! And also ya can't swim. Sorry Fef!

You're proud t' say you only hesitate a little before taggin' along. It still feels real weird t' be doin' this with highbloods that aren't tryin' t' kill ya.

Darkleer 02/20/2019

"I doubt the pool would be suitable for me.. though it is wonderfoal that such options are provided." You follow along towards the kitchen. In passing you glance briefly at the young Peixes, then at the lowblood, which.. is probably not the right term to refer to her as here, and you feel the rising sensation of wanting to make yourself even smaller.

"Gardens on the roof.. I did not think that is feasible, but that is a creative and efficient use of space."

Redglare 02/20/2019

Redglare's eyebrow raised at the mention of the rooftop garden. It sounded like something out of a movie. You've probably only tended to one plant in your life, and even that you were lucky it survived, but it sounded like something you wanted to be a part of.

The irony of this strange spectrum of trolls parading the hallway still hadn't left you, and you all held positions that would have never worked in Alternian standards, maybe save for yours.

"We have the space for all of it, I think it's great we've made a community out of the different branches of the force." You all managed to make it to where the kitchen was located, and point it out. "Y'know, I've been to this part. But I hadn't stepped foot in the dining room yet."

Feferi 02/20/2019

"Wow I didn't know about the garden. Not surprised though. Her majesty seemed to cover everything when she got this place for the force," you smile. "I'll bet she'd got a library or somefin else unexpected somewhale in this hotel."

Horuss 02/20/2019

You are one Horuss Zahhak and you are currently loitering within the kitchen of the dorms, of which you are neigh a permanent resident but you accepted the offer of a secondary accommodation for when it was too unreasonstable or you were simple unstable to return to your own stable, a good arrangement, certainly there was quite a bit of value to the idea.

Anyways you hoof just finished a particularly eventful shift and are taking the time to relax and unwind and get yourself something to eat, manely a salad of mixed vegetables and a few pieces of fruit afterwards. It is very difficolt to miss the collection of trolls making their hay into the room you currently inhabit so you do neigh.

You recognize two of them by introduction, one by reputation and choose to be wilfully in denial about the identity of the last and the far too numerous similarities between himself and you and Equius detailing a definitive possibility, certainty even, to his identity. Lovely. You nod to the group, "Greetings," then take a bite of a piece of tomato, technically a fruit but still allowed within the classification of what is acceptstable for salad.

Darkleer 02/21/2019

The mention of 'her highness' puts you at unease once more. You have yet to meet her, but your experiences people in power, especially of the female variant, have been franky abyssmal. But. She wasn't Her Imperial Condescension, and the people around here spoke of her with admiration, so... maybe she was quite alright.

You quietly follow, occupied by your thoughts and worries, until your group reaches the kitchen. You immediately recognize him, of course. Mostly because it has been pointed out to you more than once that your very descendants are abou, else you might have been inclined to deny his existance as much as he does. You've already been dreading the day you meet them, but you absolutely weren't prepared for that to be today.

You freeze up just outside the door as your everything revolts at the mere thought of making even another step forward and having to confront your very own legacy.

Redglare 02/22/2019

Ah! The timing of this couldn't be more awkward. Another new officer you had yet to meet to get to know, and of course he's one of the Zahhak's you had mentioned to Darkleer. You've heard great things about his work so far, and while you're happy to finally meet with him, you fear it might be too soon for your dearest friend.

Did he just bite into a tomato?

"Hey there, officer. You must be Horuss. My apologies for not having met with you yet, I'm Chief Redglare." Your assumption was most likely correct from the matching horns. You notice that while Darkleer fought through his anxiety to greet the other two you had caught up with, he had yet to manage even a hello at the troll before them. You give him a tiny nudge with your elbow.

Feferi 02/22/2019

"Oh hi Horuss!" you greet him warmly. Looking around you remember you need to go pick up some food your lusus wants. "I've got to go, but I'll see you all later. Nice you meet you!" you tell the newest Zahhak before waving to all and heading off.

Horuss 02/22/2019

A singular ear flicks backwards before returning to a mare neutral position in a quick motion as you notice the... other Zahhak freeze utterly and completely. Neigh too impressive for an initial face-to-face reaction, neigh too impressive insteed. Your attention shifts away decisively as Redglare's words request your attention.

"Insteed, Horuss Zahhak, pleasure to meet you Chief." Your words to Redglare are ones with a polite, respectfoal difference as befitting to speaking with a superior. "There is neigh need for apology for being occupied with other duties."

"A pleasant hay to you Feferi," you offer the seadweller as she makes her departure of the group.

Skylla 02/23/2019

Aw well shit. Now yer on yer own with two much older and far higher trolls. Least Horuss is here though ya reckon he don't look all that pleased t' be seeing the Expatriate. It ain't none of yer business though so ya ain't gonna bring it up.

Instead ya give Horuss a wave in greeting. "Howdy Partner! How ya been??"

Horuss 02/24/2019

"I hoof been well enough, Miss Koriga, thank you for the inquiry," words accompanied by a nod in her direction. "I trust the hays hoof been treating you kindly in return?"

Darkleer 02/26/2019

It is indeed to much for Redglare's dearest friend. Horuss' noteable refusal to ackowledge you was both a relief and a painful sting into the exact fear that almost kept you from coming in the first place. Maybe he just didn't recognize who you are, which honestly would probably be the best for all involved. Or if he chooses to ignore you, well, so be it.

The little elbow nudge manages to snap you out of your paralysis, though possibly in opposite effect than she intended. While your descendant is distracted with the bronze-blood you turn at Redglare. "I, uh. Will wait elsewhere. Excuse me."

Redglare 03/04/2019

You're dismayed at this turn of events. Perhaps you set your expectations too high, perhaps you didn't know your officers as well as you thought. You also curse yourself for having this idea in your head about someone you had not yet met. Maybe Horuss was just as shocked to see his ancestor yet lives as Darkleer was surprised to hear about his descendents? Still, you feel guilty that the first meeting did not go pleasantly.

You look up to get a reading on Darkleer's face and manage a small smile and concern in your voice. "We could leave them to catch up and continue on our tour if you'd like. I'm sure Skylla could catch up later to us later to show off what she wanted."

Darkleer 03/04/2019

Yet again you're a coward. In a situation where much less is at stake, admittedly. But a a coward still. And what a disappointment you must be to the young Zahhak - if not yet, then definitely now.

Fortunately, at least Redglare is merciful on you and your pathetic plight. "That.. would be favorable, yes" you nod, eyes strongly fixated on the Chief so you don't have to see Horuss' reaction.

Horuss 03/04/2019

You are neigh disappointed by the turn of events, to be disappointed you would hoof needed to hoof high hopes of some kind and your expectation about this particular for-mare improbability had been completely neigh-existent. You are neigh too surprised to see him connect the Zahhak name with coward once mare though, it is, something you know how to deal with.

You do  neigh allow yourself a STRONG outwards reaction, you are going to keep your polite and professional difference to the situation at hoof and allow him the retreat he wishes.

Redglare 03/06/2019

You offer an understanding smile and nod your head. With a hushed tone, "I can come up with something for our departure."

You hold up your hand to both officers and betray non of your internal emotions. Instead, you appear as your usual excitable and tired self when you call out to them. "We're gonna let the two of you catch up and keep going with our exploration! We've got a lot of ground to cover on Darkleer's first day. It was good to see you officers, I'll make sure to get better aquainted with you both."

Skylla 03/07/2019

"So far so good Partner!~" Ya chuckle, forgettin' for a moment that there's two Ancestors in the same space as yerself n Horuss. Though ya gotta admit, he be actin' real polite-like; like way more than normal.

Then yer Chief speaks up and yer reminded real quick 'bout the situation yer in. Ya wouldn't mind chatting up Horuss but ya don't wanna bug him neither. And yet ya reckon ya ain't quite ready t' be on yer own with two much older highbloods.

" Ah... is that right?? Well if Partner here don't mind a bit o' company...?"

March 12, 2019

Horuss Last Tuesday at 12:07 PM

Ah, that truly confirms it for you. Darkleer, you know that name near better than your own. Hmmm, seems you were right to hoof long discarded any want you previously had to gain... whatever the Empire had wanted you to in regards to him. You nod at the Chief's words focusing on Skylla and completely dismissing the two elder trolls, allowing your ancestor his retreat. "I do neigh mind the company Miss Koriga."

Darkleer Last Tuesday at 5:52 PM

Ah. Hh. She mentioned your name. Well, it wasn't much but of a secret, but now he knows for sure. Hn.

"Thank you." You step back a little, then anxiously wait for Redglare to join you and guide you around.

[casnovakisded]

I’m back.

03/03/18 | 04:14am

So... life’s a bit shitty at the moment, and I just remembered that Tumblr exists.

I don’t really talk to anyone anymore and I think it would be good for me to vent to you guys. I had a meeting with a super sweet manager at work today and it gave me a little bit of hope. We touched on talking to people and just venting and how that can help, so i’m going to give it a go. Honestly, I think going through work to try and rebuild my mental health is my only viable option at the moment, which kind of sucks because I can’t often mentally deal with being at work right now. I’m getting ahead of myself - more on that later.

So, to those who may be reading this that don’t know me (If anyone’s reading this), i’ve been juggling anxiety, depression, (undiagnosed) bipolar, eating disorders and (undiagnosed) schizophrenia since I was around 14 (I’m 20, nearly 21 now), and i’ve only just started to try and get help.

I was forced to go to the doctors when I was younger by my mum when I opened up to her about harming. She told me that I was to stop, and if I didn’t, ‘they’ would come and take me away and lock me in a room until I was ‘better’. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame my mum at all for saying that. She panicked, and as far as i’m aware she’s never suffered with any mental health issues, so I don’t imagine there’s too much of an understanding there. She was trying to scare me out of it, but it just made me feel like I couldn’t talk about it. It kind of became a grey area that we just didn’t really discuss so I just got on with it and mostly just learned how to be secretive. 

From that point on i’ve always told everyone of importance that i’m fine, because that’s better than being locked in a room until i’m better, y’know? Don’t get me wrong, I knew then and I know now that that’s not going to happen, and that I just need help, but I can’t say it doesn’t make me feel anxious every time I go to the doctors. It’s a feeling I don’t quite understand, but then again, I don’t really understand any of my feelings. Woo. 

So from the beginning... 

I started harming when I was around 14. I don’t really know why I did it - probably a mixture of being bored, sad and exposed to a lot of triggering material. Like I mentioned earlier, I opened up to my mum about it because we had a super good relationship, and I felt like I was lying to her in some way by not telling her that i’d done it. What was said was said, and that was that. I was made to go to a doctor’s appointment at 7.30am the next morning (Which was actually before the practice even opened so I think that was just a bit overboard tbh). I couldn’t understand a word of what the doctor was saying (that wasn’t meant in any kind of negative racial way, I just simply couldn’t understand what he was saying because of his heavy accent), I could just tell from his tone of voice that he was being patronising as fuck. By the end of the super drawn out and generally painful doctors appointment, I was referred to CAMHS. So off I went to this appointment with this top dog guy at CAMHS (We’d recently had a fair amount of young suicides in our area so they were pretty onit). It was an odd session. My mum was there and she was obviously going off on one about how terrible it was and how I had to stop, and then this doctor guy is trying to convince her to not take away my blades because at the end of the day, i’m only going to find something bigger and sharper.. oh it got interesting. I sat silent more or less the whole way through, but I smiled and I nodded and I said I felt fine when I needed to.

After this appointment, the doctor concluded that I had symptoms of anxiety and depression due to previous emotional trauma and that I could totally be fixed with counselling sessions from my school counsellor. I played along and I remember speaking to the woman once. Again - I smiled, and I nodded and I said I felt fine when I needed to. 

I didn’t go again. 

Having anxiety, depression and being bipolar all at the same time is just fucking exhausting. 

First of all: depression. My depression makes me feel lazy, and menial tasks just seem like an awful lot of effort. I showered yesterday, for the first time in around a week and a half. My house hasn’t been cleaned in a loooong time. Talking? That’s becoming an effort (which is really annoying because my job requires me to talk to people all day. I’m still brushing my teeth every day though, so that’s good. 

Anxiety. This makes me feel like nobody cares, that i’m a burden to everybody, everyone would be better off without me, people would prefer it if I wasn’t there, people are talking about me, people are making fun of me, people are looking at me and judging me. Anxiety also makes me bite my nails, a lot. I don’t even know how I bite my nails so far down, but it sometimes gets to the point where I just don’t have a nail at all - like literally at all. Anxiety also makes me feel nauseous, and sometimes it feels like the world is literally going to end. If you’ve ever had a near death experience and felt the sense of impending doom, that’s probably the best thing I can relate it to. 

Lastly, bipolar. Oh the joys. So i’ve not been diagnosed with bipolar (As i’ve said, i’ve not really pursued help for my issues up until now), but one moment I will be on the highest high, nothing can defeat me, and i’m totally ready to face the world and whatever it wants to throw at me, and then the next moment everything’s gone grey and dull and the light at the end of my tunnel is actually a train that’s plummeting towards me, and I don’t want to move out of it’s way. 

So. Fucking. Exhausting. 

As you can imagine, having all of these all at once is just a big ol’ mess. It’s so draining (both mentally and physically), and it’s just proper difficult to try and balance all of the conflicting emotions.

Now imagine all of that, with an added voice in your head. Again, I’m not diagnosed with schizophrenia. It’s not something that was effecting me when I was younger, but it’s not something that i’ve managed to talk to anyone about yet either. There are very few people that do know this about me. It brings me back to my earlier point - if there’s one thing that’s going to get me locked in a room until i’m better, it’s hearing voices in my head that aren’t real - surely. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all the time - It’s mostly when i’m tired. I don’t even know if it’s schizophrenia, but what I do know is that when i’m in a bad way and i’ve had little sleep, I can hear a voice clear as day in my head. Mostly it just repeats things, usually what i’m thinking, usually not very nice things. It’s almost like your own inner voice, but it’s loud, as if i’m listening to it through headphones. It’s funny actually, i’m as good as deaf in my left ear, but I swear to god I can hear that voice in surround sound. I’ve been tired quite a lot lately, so y’know, that kind of sucks.

Eating disorders are just shit. There’s no other way to describe them. Whether you: restrict yourself, purge, fast, over eat, binge, or like myself, just don’t eat until someone forces you to, it’s all just really shit. It’s a mixture of an addiction, and extreme emotion. It’s a mixture of wanting to be as pretty and as perfect as you can be, and feeling like this is the only way you can make yourself worth something, whilst also feeling like you have to keep going, you owe it to yourself, you feel like you have no control if you slip up and eat. Obviously i’m aware that not eating is not healthy. I know that. You need to eat to stay alive and you can’t expect your body to function correctly if you don’t look after it, I know. I only have myself to blame for the fact that i’m dizzy all the time, and I always need to wee because the only thing I ever consume is tea, and that every time I stand up everything goes black for a short while - like when you get head rush from standing up to quick. As much as I know that all of this can just be solved by eating, what’s to say that’s going to be the better alternative? When I start putting on a fuck ton of weight because I feel too depressed and fed up to actually exercise and I inevitably start taking that out on myself, what position does that leave me in? I’d rather be sad and skinny than sad and fat. I guess my point is that eating disorders suck - they manipulate the way you see yourself and convince you that you’re never going to be good enough, for anyone. 

I’ve always hated the way I look. I lost all of my hair (head, eyebrows, most of my eyelashes) when I was around 13 and this opened a whole new world to me. A whole world of bullies, unnecessary comments, staring, and laughing. My school made the situation a million times worse. Apparently it was too much of a distraction for me to sit in class with my bald head on show, so I was forced to wear a wig through school. I was given £500 from the school to spend on wigs, so I bought 2 of the exact same style. 

They were horrible.

Wigs are uncomfortable. They’re hot and itchy, and they’re basically a massive flashy sign that says ‘bully me’ - great when you’re in a room full of other 13/14 year old kids that simply do not give a fuck about how you feel or how their comments may affect you.

Recent events over the last, let’s say, 4 years of my life have really fucked me up. I think i’m going to write a post for each event in the hopes that maybe writing down what happened will help me process it and eventually get over it, but I quite simply can not be bothered to do that right now after typing this essay.

In the last 4/5 months, i’ve been actively trying to work on my mental health through my GP/seeking help through work and friends. Well what a task it has been. 

Originally, I was advised by a manager at work to go to my GP. I can’t quite remember whether I went to my GP or to the EAP line (Employee Assistance Programme - provided through work) first, but either way that was 4/5 months ago, and i’m still awaiting some kind of solution or action plan. I just feel defeated most of the time. It seems that every avenue I go down just gets blocked off - every turn is just a dead end and I can’t for the life of me figure it out. When I went to the doctors, they told me I had a ‘mood disorder’ and an ‘eating disorder’. I was signed off work for 2 weeks, and then instructed to make another appointment to go back to the GP (the first date they could see me was around 4 weeks after my return date to work from being signed off, so that was super good). When I went back to the GP, I was referred to IAPT (Improving Access to Psychological Therapies) and SYEDA (South Yorkshire Eating Disorder Association). I was given a date, a time, and a name of a person that would be calling me from IAPT, and I was instructed to self refer myself to SYEDA. I was also given a fit note stating that amended/shorter hours could be beneficial. The date came for the IAPT phone call, but the phone never rang. I tried to chase them up, but apparently they weren’t allowed to discuss the account with me because it was booked through my GP. When I tried to get through to my GP, their line was just constantly engaged. When I had a look into SYEDA, the first thing that popped up in a banner across the top of the page was a message saying “Our waiting list is currently closed to all new referrals other than those referring from Barnsley”. 

Well i’m not from Barnsley so that’s really great, thank you.

I went back to the doctors to let them know of my super successes with IAPT and SYEDA. To my surprise, apparently it was my fault that I had ‘missed my appointment’ with IAPT, even though I never actually received the call. All they could say about SYEDA was, ‘oh’.

When I finally had an assessment with IAPT, they said I had scored too high on their risk assessment and that someone would be in contact super quickly to talk to me about what we can do next, but i’m still awaiting that phone call. 

I don’t even know how many phone calls and doctors appointments i’ve had. I just want someone to help. I feel absolutely drained and I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m just sat waiting. I’m not living because all I can focus on is trying to get through the day without breaking down into a big emotional mess.

I’m not actively suicidal all of the time, it’s more like.. if I was being held at gun point, I’d probably piss him/her off on purpose. Or, if a car was speeding towards me and I could probably jump out of the way in time, I think i’d just let it hit me. 

I don’t know.

I’m lost.

I don’t really know what i’m doing on a day-to-day basis, and i’m currently just scraping by.

I guess i’ll keep you updated.

[thisdaynews]

Garth Crooks' team of the week: Pulisic, Perez, Maguire, Vardy, Mane

New Post has been published on https://thebiafrastar.com/garth-crooks-team-of-the-week-pulisic-perez-maguire-vardy-mane/

Garth Crooks' team of the week: Pulisic, Perez, Maguire, Vardy, Mane

It is the first time I have included three players who have scored a hat-trick in my team of the week.

The goals started to flow on Friday night when Leicester thrashed Southampton 9-0, before Chelsea beat Burnley 4-2 and Brighton won 3-2 against Everton on Saturday.

Manchester City kept the pressure on Liverpool with a win over Aston Villa but the Reds responded with a big victory over Tottenham on Sunday.

Here’s my team of the week �� have a read and select your own below.

Goalkeeper – Ederson (Manchester City)

Ederson:Two great first-half saves by Ederson from John McGinn and Douglas Luiz during the same phase of play against Aston Villa kept Manchester City alive. There is no doubt about it, City have issues in defence and it has taken Ederson in goal these past few weeks to pull them out of some very difficult situations. However, the Brazilian is not only capable of keeping clean sheets when it matters but spotting when the opposition is vulnerable. His long-ball delivery for Jesus to flick on for Raheem Sterling to ram home made a mockery of the notion that City over-indulge and cannot play a direct game. This is the best goalkeeper in the Premier League on current form.

Did you know?Since the start of the 2017-18 campaign, Ederson has kept more clean sheets than any other goalkeeper in the Premier League (41).

Defenders – Trent Alexander-Arnold (Liverpool), Harry Maguire (Manchester United), Jamaal Lascelles (Newcastle)

Alexander-Arnold: Trent Alexander-Arnold’s pass on the run for Sadio Mane in the first half was out of this world. There are very few full-backs who have such an acute appreciation of the sort of pass a striker needs but Alexander-Arnold is certainly one of them. More importantly he has the ability to provide the pass. Quite apart from anything else he is back to his best after what I thought was a shaky start to the season for such an accomplished youngster. As for Spurs, when are they going to learn that Serge Aurier, as good a player as he can be on occasions, cannot be trusted? He is rash and unreliable.

Did you know?Alexander-Arnold has provided 14 assists in the Premier League since the start of last season – the joint-most by any defender alongside team-mate Andy Robertson.

Maguire: Since the arrival of Harry Maguire in the back four at Old Trafford there has been a calm in defence. This was no better illustrated than against Liverpool at home and again away at Norwich where VAR did its best to disrupt, confuse and irritate just about everyone. While his team-mates were being awarded penalties and missing them, Maguire remained composed and played the game with a quiet authority. He may have cost £80m but I’m beginning to think he is worth it in the current climate. He might even save Ole Gunnar Solskjaer’s job.

Did you know?Maguire has won 39 aerial duels in the Premier League this season – 15 more than the Manchester United player with the next most (Victor Lindelof, 24).

Lascelles: After a poor start to the season Newcastle responded to some very sharp criticism. Their performance away at Spurs was probably the catalyst to their resurgence. Leadership has been the key both on and off the pitch. Jamaal Lascelles has been quite brilliant in that department for Newcastle. He takes responsibility in defence and is not afraid to attack in the opponent’s box. Wolves, on the other hand, looked the better side in the second half but Newcastle held the fort and with 10 men. Newcastle displayed plenty of bottle.

Did you know?Lascelles has made more clearances (48) and more headed clearances (23) than any other Newcastle player in the Premier League this term.

Midfielders – Christian Pulisic (Chelsea), Mateo Kovacic (Chelsea), Ilkay Gundogan (Manchester City), Scott McTominay (Manchester United)

Pulisic: I said last week that Frank Lampard’s ability to bring on the youngsters at Stamford Bridge was starting to make an impact and I never even included Christian Pulisic. The scream of delight after the United States international scored his first Premier League goal for the club told only part of the story. When he arrived at the club I thought “what’s the game coming to; we’re now spending £58m for an American!” This hat-trick against Burnley is starting to suggest that this was money well spent. As for Lampard, how many more of these impressive youngsters does he have waiting in the background ready to explode onto the scene?

Did you know?Pulisic became Chelsea’s youngest hat-trick scorer in Premier League history (21y 38d), while he also became the first player to net a ‘perfect’ league hat-trick for the Blues since Didier Drogba against Wigan in May 2010.

Kovacic: I normally don’t care for statistics – they are for statisticians – but when I saw the pass rate for Mateo Kovacic and Jorginho against Burnley I suddenly paid attention. The performance of Kovacic in particular has been a revelation since the departure of Maurizio Sarri and the arrival of Lampard. The way he used the ball to cut Burnley to shreds was cruel at times. It’s hardly surprising Chelsea fans are enjoying their football so much these days. They have developed a generation of players desperate to play for a manager who, along with his players, are going places.

Did you know?Kovacic has completed more dribbles than any other Chelsea player in the Premier League under Frank Lampard (22).

Gundogan: If it’s not David Silva, Kevin de Bruyne or Raheem Sterling dominating the headlines, Man City still have players who can turn a game on a sixpence. This time it was Ilkay Gundogan who ran the show against Aston Villa. The Germany international is often perceived as the junior partner in comparison to the players previously mentioned. Nevertheless, Pep Guardiola may well find himself relying on Gundogan’s services as he tries to get City to their first elusive Champions League final while still trying to retain the title.

Did you know?Gundogan has completed 318 passes in the opposition half in the Premier League this season – the only Manchester City player with more is Rodrigo (343).

McTominay: I’ve watched this lad a lot in recent weeks and couldn’t work out why Solskjaer keeps playing him. He runs about a lot and is certainly not afraid to put his foot it – but a Manchester United player? Against Liverpool he was excellent and after his performance against Norwich he finds himself in my TOTW. He’s also bright enough not to get involved in taking penalties for Manchester United. I think I might have misjudged him.

Did you know?McTominay’s opener was Manchester United’s 2,000th goal in the Premier League, with the Red Devils being the first team in competition history to reach this tally.

Forwards – Ayoze Perez (Leicester), Sadio Mane (Liverpool), Jamie Vardy (Leicester)

Perez: There have been players who have scored great goals, even had great games, and missed out on being in my TOTW because other players have had a greater impact on a match. However, what I will always acknowledge is when a player scores a hat-trick in a Premier League fixture. Ayoze Perez has scored two in his career against Southampton, the latest inflicting the most telling destruction of a football team I have seen in years. Would Leicester have had such a devastating effect on the Saints had VAR not interfered in proceedings? I think not. Read more about what I have to say on this affair in the Crooks of the Matter below.

Did you know?Leicester’s Perez became the first player to score a hat-trick in back-to-back Premier League appearances against a single opponent since Luis Suarez against Norwich City in September 2012.

Mane: Two seasons ago it was Mo Salah who was carrying Liverpool. Last season it was Virgil van Dijk who had a massive influence on the success of the team. This season it’s Sadio Mane who is carrying Liverpool on his shoulders. His speed, power and strength have been a feature of Liverpool’s play this season and without the Senegal international, life at the top would be considerably less comfortable. It was Mane who caused mayhem in Tottenham’s ranks the entire match and the reason they lost. With a little help from Serge Aurier, of course.

Did you know?Mane has scored more goals in Premier League home games than any other player in the competition in 2019 (15 at Anfield).

Vardy: There is a ruthlessness to Jamie Vardy’s finishing that sometimes makes you have to look away. Vardy started his scoring tirade when Southampton were 4-0 down. He completed his hat-trick to make it 9-0 with the last kick of the game. The delight on Vardy’s face was as if he had just scored the winning goal in the final seconds of a cup final. Is it any wonder Brendan Rodgers is looking so pleased with himself when he has a striker in his team with that kind of attitude. It’s hardly surprising Vardy is so unpopular with opposition supporters.

Did you know?Vardy has scored 18 goals in the Premier League since 3 March (Brendan Rodgers’ first game) – the most of any player in the competition in this period.

Now it’s your turn

You’ve seen my selections this season. But who would you go for?

Crooks of the Matter

I thought at the time the sending-off Ryan Bertrand was a harsh decision but when I discovered Mike ‘clever clogs’ Dean was behind VAR in the Southampton versus Leicester fixture I wasn’t surprised.

Anyone who has played football at any level, and especially in the conditions both teams had to contend with, would have made allowances for the players.

If Dean has played the game (and I rather suspect he has) then he should know what defenders have to cope with and therefore I can only assume that he wasn’t a very good player.

There wasn’t one pundit in the BBC Match of the Day studio or anyone on the pitch at St Mary’s who would have sent Bertrand off for the challenge on Perez. And why? Because they recognised and understood the conditions.

Quite apart from destroying what would have been a perfectly good contest for the viewing public, he’s instigated huge embarrassment to the club, its players and put a manager’s career on skid row – all on a whim. You would also be very wrong to compare Newcastle’s Sean Longstaff’s dismissal against Wolves to Bertrand’s. Longstaff was reckless.

The long-held tradition in football that the referee’s decision is final is no longer the case. Andre Marriner gave Leicester the advantage by letting play run on and they took it. To punish the Saints further with the ultimate sanction and a sending-off, as opposed to a booking, was double jeopardy and, in my view, not in the spirit of the game.

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[gadgetsrevv]

Who should replace Ole Gunnar Solskjaer at Man Utd? Short list assessed – Big Debate | Football | Sport

Manchester United chief Ed Woodward may be looking for a new manager in the coming weeks as pressure builds on Ole Gunnar Solskjaer.

United have had their worst start to a season in 30 years and Solskjaer’s reign is in jeopardy.

They face Liverpool after the international break and then Norwich with the Norwegian’s fate set to be decided after those two games.

But who could be next in the hot seat? And should Ed Woodward even be trusted to make the decision – Express Sport debate the options.

Matthew Dunn

There is only one answer – Mauricio Pochettino. His star may have tarnished slightly in recent weeks, but if you want the fortunes of your club rebuilding, he is the man to do it.

Tottenham had wasted their Gareth Bale windfall and were looking like perennial outsiders in the race for the top four. The strides he has made in five years are remarkable, having improved the fortunes of Southampton and Espanyol before that.

When he arrived at White Hart Lane in 2014, he was given a five-year plan. That is the sort of long-sightedness Manchester United need… with the right man in charge.

Showing loyalty to Ole Gunnar Solskjaer – a man without any sort of managerial pedigree – is not a strategy, it is a calamity.

Man Utd next boss: Who could replace Ole Gunnar Solskjaer at Manchester United? (Image: GETTY)

Man Utd next boss: Mauricio Pochettino is a candidate for the Manchester United job (Image: EPA)

Adam Powers

More alarming than the lack of trophies and frivolity in the transfer market during the post-Sir Alex Ferguson era is the absence of entertainment. Under David Moyes, Louis van Gaal and Jose Mourinho (for the most part), the football has been painstakingly boring.

And Ole Gunnar Solskjaer’s is right up there with the nadir of Van Gaal’s bizarre reign.

Mauricio Pochettino may not even win a league title at United should he join, but he would undoubtedly make United competitive and entertaining.

His work at Tottenham is a credit to the type of coach he is, one who improves players, one who promotes talents from the youth academy, and one who is renowned for his man-management skills. United should have pursued him last season – they cannot afford to miss out again this term.

Man Utd next boss: Ole Gunnar Solskjaer could leave Manchester United (Image: GETTY)

Jim Holden

The obvious first choice for Manchester United as their next manager is Mauricio Pochettino.

His work at Tottenham has been outstanding, taking them to a Champions League final in a season of zero transfer spending was an immense achievement. 

Tempting him away from Spurs right now may prove to be a formidable problem however 

The experienced high class manager definitely available is Max Allegri, five times a Serie A winner with Juventus and also a Champions League finalist. 

Otherwise? Carlo Ancelotti knows English football well and is the only manager to beat Liverpool this season at his current club Napoli while Diego Simeone would be a strong man leader to shake up the scene. That would be a high risk option though. 

Man Utd next boss: Max Allegri is a contender to replace Ole Gunnar Solskjaer (Image: GETTY)

Jack Otway

Manchester United have tried just about every kind of manager in the years since Sir Alex Ferguson left.

There was David Moyes, deemed a safe pair of hands. He lasted 10 months.

Then it was maverick supremo Louis van Gaal, who was considered the trophy-laden manager they needed. He lasted two years.

Then in came Jose Mourinho, who won trophies but never won round the United board. He lasted two-and-a-half years.

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer deserved the job when he was given it but if the Red Devils fail to get a win from upcoming games against Liverpool and Norwich, then the sack beckons.

Mauricio Pochettino and Massimiliano Allegri are both good managers with good CVs.

But if United want to go for the next big thing then Julian Nagelsmann may be the way to go.

Young managers often find it tough. Just ask Andre Villas-Boas, who was sacked from Chelsea ahead of time.

But Nagelsmann is an astute coach, one learning more with every game. At United, he could be the ticket back to the top.

Next Man Utd boss: Julian Nagelsmann has been linked with the job this week (Image: GETTY)

Konstantinos Lianos

Manchester United are now only two points away from the relegation zone in the Premier League and Ole Gunnar Solskjaer hasn’t convinced he knows how to get the team back on track.

It is a very difficult situation but Solskjaer needs to take full advantage of the international break and turn things around immediately. 

The Norwegian coach’s ability can’t and shouldn’t be underestimated but this is pretty much his last chance of saving himself.

Changing managers isn’t simple especially in the middle of the season because then you will get a coach who will have to work with players he doesn’t know without having done any pre-season preparations.

If it all comes down to this then I think the Red Devils should do everything in their power to get Massimiliano Allegri.

Allegri is free and appears keen to return from his hiatus following his departure from Juventus.

The Italian’s quality is undeniable having won six Serie A titles, one of which was with the then decaying AC Milan, as well as four Coppa Italia trophies.

The 52-year-old has also made it to two Champions League finals and has proven capable of dealing with big personalities like Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Andrea Pirlo, Carlos Tevez as well as United star Paul Pogba.

Many will want Mauricio Pochettino to take over but I expect Tottenham to make such a move extremely hard and United have no time to waste.

If Solskjaer leaves and Ed Woodward hires a new manager then the fans need to understand that any immediate improvement is quite unlikely as this is a team with no beginning, middle or end in its game.

Next Man Utd boss: Ed Woodward has a big call to make (Image: GETTY)

Bruce Archer

Manchester United should have appointed Mauricio Pochettino in the summer. He wanted to leave Tottenham, and Ole Gunnar Solskjaer should have been on his way following a relatively decent caretaker spell.

But with United offering Solskjaer the permanent job in March they got themselves stuck. The fast start helped Solskjaer, but their form dropped off a cliff after that – they still haven’t won away since the game at PSG – and makes the quick appointment seem ridiculous.

But if you remember back to just before he was appointed all the former United players-turned pundits were raging at the club for not having made the decision. Rio Ferdinand and Gary Neville the loudest advocates. But look where we are now.

Solskjaer is not cut out for this job and needs to be taken out of the firing line, but the truth is Ed Woodward is not cut out for making the decisions on football matters, and his delaying in appointing a director of football or sporting director has cost the club more time and money and set them back further.

Now they need a double appointment – get the director sorted before Christmas and appoint the ideal long-term candidate after that. That person is still probably Pochettino – although his own turmoil at Tottenham could see his gloss start to fade – Max Allegri is another option, while Brendan Rodgers is still an outsider but every week his profile seems to improve.

They need a manager on the right trajectory this time rather than one on his way down – like Jose Mourinho was – and that might be the current fear with Pochettino, who has no silverware – still the current of success at United – to his name.

Rodgers is back on the up at Leicester while Allegri worked wonders at Juventus. If it was my decision I’d get Allegri locked in before the end of the international break. Rodgers could even be sounded out as a potential one for after him.

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[marvelandponder]

Never Underestimate the Quiet Ones

I think it’s safe to say Flutterbold has officially completed a major character arc. In fact:

Good job, Flutters! We’re all proud of how far you’ve come.

Although, it doesn’t take me restating the title of this editorial to point out where that leaves us now: in character arc limbo. At least, until the next significant Fluttershy episode.

Or… do we already know?

I’m not sure that we could have a definitive answer until it, y’know, happens in the show (and I’ve been wrong with my guesses before). But, we do have some hints and ideas based on what we’ve seen of Fluttershy in the past few seasons.

So, why not celebrate how far Fluttershy has come by looking at the areas she could still develop? I’m a little backwards, huh?

Mentor Status Achieved 

This is a popular choice for characters in search of a new path.

After her gap year between school and work, Twilight took on a teacher role with Starlight, and we see the crusaders now providing guidance to any foal in need of cutie mark assistance (can’t force a cutie mark, my ass). 

In fact, all of the mane six/mane cast (Spike and CMC included) have become knowledgeable enough to give advice and help those in need through their problems. 

One character in particular Fluttershy has helped and can continue to guide in the future is Discord.

She’s been absolutely instrumental in his development thus far—from his reformation, to his backslide with Tirek and return to the good side, to his first Grand Galloping Gala, to making a few guy friends, to giving him the motivation to help save the day. She’s brought out the best in him without trying to necessarily change who he is as a person draqonequis.

It’s great to see Discord branch out and have other friendships and interactions (*psssssst*… DHX…. more time with Discord and Luna and Celestia please….), but Fluttershy manages to guide Discord to his best self, and because of it, has given Equestria its most powerful ally (so long as he has his magic).

So that’s a great external goal, but what about character traits and internal development? Creative thinkers on the writing staff can always find interesting lessons for the characters to learn, but do we know what sorts of lessons Flutters can learn now that she’s not so shy?

Breaking Bad Tropes

All of the mane 6′s characters are built off basic tropes. One of the things that initially interested many fans in the series was how they broke away from those tropes. Rarity wasn’t the predictably vain fashionista obsessed with clothes. She was a savvy, surprisingly street-smart business owner. Pinkie was far from just a random comedic relief or ditsy airhead. She had a surprisingly in-depth and often hilarious way of looking at things/knowledge of things (like the fourth wall), along with a huge, altruistic heart.

And Fluttershy became much more than just shy.

I’ve really admired how they’ve developed Fluttershy’s shyness, performance anxiety, and confidence issues in the past (link to that editorial here), but there are other avenues to her character. The things that helped break her away from her trope to begin with!

In particular, Fluttershy’s surprisingly explosive nature has made for a few good gags, but we could always dive into where this comes from (hopefully without retreading the bottling up your feelings thing we just explored with Starlight) and how that maybe isn’t the best way to handle a stressful, high-pressure situation.

There’s also an impulsive and overconfident side to Fluttershy that comes out when she sees someone in need of care. She straight up stole Philomena from Celestia when she thought she could nurse her back to health, and she bit off more than she could chew when she assumed she’d be good with kids the same way she’s good with animals.

New Fluttershy

And now that we’ve established that Fluttershy’s mostly comfortable and confident in who she is and what she wants now, I think we can build off that.

For example, Fluttershy changing for the better might actually create conflict. For example, even though Rainbow Dash can mostly be more thoughtful than she used to be, it also wasn’t that long ago that she sold Fluttershy into slavery.

We saw in 28 Pranks Later that Fluttershy can get fed up with Dash’s thoughtlessness, so now that Fluttershy won’t just let Dash walk all over her when Dash is in a Act now, Think later mode, it could bring up a conflict between them. A big one, if Fluttershy remembers all the times Dash has inadvertently done things like that. 

(For the record, I could see the ending of that episode being quite heartwarming, as Rainbow Dash learns to think before she acts, and Fluttershy remembers the heroic side of Dash that stood up for her, and perhaps learns not to bring up old mistakes, or that her friends need the same patience she had to give herself… but that they will learn to be better)

And if we wanted to build off of her development so far, I wouldn’t mind seeing how Fluttershy would deal with the ponies who bullied her as a kid now that she wouldn’t just dismiss her own feelings, or try to avoid a conflict. 

So, you do have to be a little more creative to avoid regressing her character or retreading old plots (in fact, The Simpsons has a person on staff whose entire job is making sure they don’t repeat plots), but I think if we’re going to continue with Fluttershy and the girls into season 8 and possibly even beyond, there are still places to go. 

Do we really know what’s next for Fluttershy? I can’t really say we do. But the beauty of this show is that it lets characters finish old arcs and begin new ones, with the understanding that you can demonstrate character growth without making a character perfect.

You’re perfectly imperfect, Fluttershy. If we’re following more of your adventures, and I hope we are, let’s keep it that way.

MLP content? Sure, I’ve got editorials like this one or episode reviews! Here’s the last three things I’ve done:

Rock-Solid Friendship, Fluttershy Leans In, and Forever Filly Review

Year of the Pony 

Header Image Wouldn’t Be Possible Without…

Fluttershy Vector by Vulthuryol00

Gotta love some good ol’ fashioned vectors, and if so, this is your guy!

I’d Never Get Used to Calling her Flutterbold…

[dustmetal]

Fic: This Is Not A Test of the Emergency Broadcast System

In which the long awaited awards ceremony comes to pass.

Author’s Notes: Thanks for readership, loyalty, kindness and making this a fun overall writing project to do. Hope you’ll stay with us in the future...for now Frank is going to be taking a long overdue hiatus from Tumblr.

Five of the seven occupants, all human got up from the corner table by the window at Grillby’s;  just a bunch of people out for a drink until last call. The significant lack of alcohol being poured down throats or food being ordered had apparently gone unnoticed by the bartender who made no move to tell them to order or leave and definitely unnoticed by those in the bar who were altering their state of consciousness. The two left at the table, one a hooded and hunched figure zipped up tight into a hoodie, the other a fire monster who could have been related to the attractive green-flame female monster, or at least the same species presently tending bar.

Pushing back her hood to reveal a terrible case of hat-head, Undyne jostled Grillby in the side. "Well that went well huh? We're gonna kick ass at the awards show tomorrow!" She slammed a fist on the tabletop to emphasize her point and let out the whooping battle cry she’d been holding back all night; allowing them to continue their meeting uninhibited with the stage manager and the hand-selected staff from their significantly expanded crew she’d be bringing to the awards show to work with the venue staff.

"Speaking of, you gonna ask the Que--er, Toriel?"

"I...no." Grillby shook his head.,."I'm going with Andraia instead, since we both need to be backstage early anyway.. It makes se--"

"Don't give me that nonsense! C'mon, dude, We can SO all see you like her, you git! You get all stupid and start to talk like you swallowed a bad anime tape with terrible subtitles."

"It's. Complicated...." he muttered, trailing off then adding as an afterthought  "...plus I don't think I'm her type."

The look of sheer frustration that crossed his face was something even his expression obscuring flames were unable to fully disguise.

“OH MY GOD!” Undyne’s reaction went from frustration to what was unmistakably a fangirl moment. “It’s a case of UNREQUITED LOVE! You can’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t THINK straight….although, um, you’d better fuckin’ well tomorrow at the show.”

Grillby let her have her moment, nodding a bit. It was actually somewhat not without a ring of truthfulness, he had rather obviously lost weight and was more tired than usual but well, his romantic life (nonexistent though it was) was only half the reason. Maybe not even half. Quarter. Eighth.

He was thinking about his life in musical terms now.

"So all this is over a lady, big brother?" Agni snapped the bolt lock on the door behind the last stragglers and ducked behind the bar to emerge with two leftover burgers for each of them. There was something that suddenly felt so terribly like deja-vu, yet not...no, more like an out-of-body experience about the situation, sitting here slouched and in his civvies, half preoccupied and half asleep in his seat, on the opposite side of the bar.

Agni hugged him around the shoulders though.

"Undyne is right. You should get a good night's rest. Big day for you tomorrow."

Grillby ate as ordered, grateful that Undyne did not know the extent of the situation; his feelings for not only Toriel but his feelings for...well, he supposed that in some way he was kind of grateful for Sans' ability to be constantly in trouble when left to his own devices, it had certainly given him an excuse for keeping him close by without having to confess anything about how he /felt/.

At the end of the day, Toriel, Sans...he wasn't sure which of them he was supposed to be feeling disappointed to be losing. Or, losing to.

Presently however, Sans being in some kind of relationship, whether or not it was with him or Toriel or someone he met off the street, should be the least of his worries. Come hell or high water, tomorrow there would be a decisive battle in the Subterranical versus Glamour Bomb rivalry. Regardless of who took home that trophy, it would change the course of the game. He knew a win was always the best outcome,  and he dropped off to sleep feeling restless and what sleep he did get peppered with unusual, undecipherable dreams that felt somewhat ominous... but it could have had something to do with eating so close to bed.

***

Grillby woke from his as-restful-as-it-was-going-to-get sleep to find that the butterfly vs snake fight club was currently using the pit of his stomach as their meeting place. He stood, groaning a little having (not for the first time since becoming a band manager) slept in his clothes and he swiftly swapped them out for another rare instance of a casual outfit. He resolved to grab a couple of biscuits on the way to the Tuxedo rental place (and forgot) as well as grabbing Undyne's dress (from the local anime cosplay shop which despite his misgivings actually seemed quite appropriate for a black tie event). He re-resolved to get some lunch on the way back (and didn't.).  

He finally arrived back at the bar tux firmly on and as ready as he would ever be to find the band waiting for him, his own father and sister in tow. . Agni gave him a hug and a kiss on the temple, his father, ever the stoic, shook his hand.

"Proud of you Junior." he said gruffly. "...and the rest of you too." he added, speaking to the group but Grillby knew the words were primarily for Sans and Papyrus. His father had allowed the Skeletons to grow up on their own terms but anyone who knew the elder Flame monster knew darn well he considered them as his own dust and magic.

He smiled genuinely,  the first thrill of pure excitement finding its way past his nerves.

"Thanks everyone. Let's go ah, get 'em."

“Geez NERD! You SUCK at these things. Look, this is how you get monsters fired up!”

There was a definite snort from Sans’ general direction, followed by a clack of bone on bone as Papyrus covered his mouth before he could get a word out.

“... We are going to go to that awards show and show ol' MTT HOW IT IS DONE!"

Papyrus  jumped up with enough energy for ten of them. "YEAH! YEAH! We're going to WIN! 'Cause we ARE THE GREATEST! METAL! BAND! OF! ALL! TIME!"

"S'right Bro."

"Yeah, even the internet says so." Jerry flashed around an advance poll he'd looked up on his phone that did indeed paint Subterranical as being a shoo-in for a number of awards. It was a rare moment of perfect unity for the entire band.

Grillby hated to jinx a good thing, but he had to admit things were definitely looking good.

***

Despite the fact that the snow had morphed itself into freezing rain and the driver had to pull the limo around the back of the pub to the loading dock so everyone could enter in relative dryness and safely,  there was still something profoundly special about getting into a limousine.

"Okay check this!" Undyne grinned and Grillby simply let her spring the cork on the expensive and totally not complimentary champagne and clapped along  when Papyrus impressively distance caught it, right from the opposite end of the elongated cab.

In what seemed no time at all, the Limo rolled up to the red carpet with a perfectly smooth stop and there was a click as an aide pulled the handle to, flooding the interior of the luxury car with a deluge of sound and noise. .

"Let's go, nerds." Undyne edged along the seat first, sliding from the vehicle in a practiced motion, the white silk of her empire-waisted dress fluttering dramatically as she stepped into the new world on the other side.

Grillby knew that by now his relegation to the penumbra distinctly adjacent to the spotlight was far more compromised than it once was, but he was finding himself surprised by the sheer amount of flashbulbs that turned his way.

A few yards away, Mettaton was surrounded by a cluster of reporters, allowing one of his stunning heel-clad legs to peep out from the slit of his strapless, silky dress, all in his signature glittering fuchsia of course

"Naturally, the real question is who is going to play me in the upcoming autobiographical movie: ‘The Mettaton Story’?" he was saying to one of the reporters.

"But of course I would normally consider playing myself, and with my talents, who could blame the directors for coming to me first, but it IS fashionable to have someone else play your part these days…

” He paused as if he expected the cluster of gathered individuals to chime in with a ‘how true’.

Some of them actually and LITERALLY did. Grillby had to remind himself that he was no longer anonymous and also that human perfumes and colognes were flammable just to keep from snorting.

“Besides,” he continued, and his gaze flickered unmistakably in the direction of the Subterranical party, "As my workload has increased so dramatically as of late, there are not even enough hours in the day for the band alone, am I right darlings?" He smiled winningly back at the flashing cameras.

With his own emotional response under control, he turned swiftly at to look at Undyne, but she didn’t seem to care. Either she had not heard the comment or had was exercising far more self control than he was giving her credit for.

"Miss Ó Maoilriain." Grillby’s attentions were brought back to the here and now as he had forgotten that his 'date' was herself a well-known figure in the musical community. “How does it feel to have your first post-retirement job be a Monster band?” one snotty-sounding member of the press sneered at her, eying Grillby with incredibly thinly veiled contempt.

""I was never in retirement." she said smoothly. "I just decided that after Ravenous ended a very successful career, I had the option open to work for the right band for me."

She very subtly steered the grateful fire monster away on that note and he began his headcount again.

Across the way, Papyrus was preening under the cameras, almost as easily as Mettaton, being asked dozens of questions by some gossip-rag about (unsurprisingly) his love life, mostly; what did people think of the rumours that he was dating Mettaton,? Or Undyne...or any number of human actors and actresses? What did he have to say to the gay and lesbian community?

The skeleton's apparent lack of any kind of sexual pursuit seemed to serve him well in this scenario; considering he seemed more flattered at being considered interesting enough to merit press coverage than considering the many rumours that had landed and answered quite similarly to each prospective 'suitor' inquiry with equal deference.

Satisfied that most of his band and he himself were doing very well, he turned his attention to the more problematic members of the group.

As it turned out, Papyrus already had Jerry well-to-hand, given that the first person he wound up chatting with after escaping his interrogation was pop idol Monique Mondale; the very same that Jerry had been bragging about his expectations to charm (the tight mini dress off of) all night long. Miss Mondale seemed to be far more interested in what Papyrus had to say however, but at least Jerry was getting something in by proxy - he assumed, at least enough to let him think he was.

That left him with the biggest  troublemaker of the lot who was presen...oh.no.

Where was Sans?

Grillby's practiced eye scanned the crowd, increasingly frantically when he couldn't immediately spot the frontman, but then nor could he see any kind of disturbance.

"Oh ho, ho... It is good to see you, young Grillbert!"

Grillby winced at his seldom-used and much-despised full name, then winced and staggered as the sudden powerful clap of paw-to-shoulder sent him stumbling a few paces forward, coming dangerously close to pitching him on his face.

“Hello Asgore, Sir.” He gasped, not needing to face the source of the voice to know that he was in the presence of the head of Under the Mountain Records, former King of All Monsters and his boss.

"And who is this charming young creature?" Asgore continued, pressing a kiss to Andraia's hand as gently as he had roughly ‘patted’ Grillby's back.

The Fire monster blushed a brilliant white, but thankfully not for the reason that Asgore imagined. Andraia was a lovely human and he definitely didn’t have a problem with either her company or the quality of her work with the band, but the fact that he was nursing a glaring and obvious (at least to those regularly around him) crush on his boss's ex-wife was...well…

He caught himself and stammered through the introductions, relaxing a bit when Asgore introduced his own human date - fiancee (or so they hoped if some bill allowing Monster and Humans to marry passed), even. It did make the circumstances a little bit easier to bear.

It also helped that Asgore's new beau was  clearly feeling about as uncomfortable with the massive party as he was.

"The crab cakes are excellent and you might want to get a few drinks,." she advised him with a small smile.

Asgore turned away to introduce himself to a young Japanese human with a spiky haircut and heavy eye-makeup who Grillby didn't recognize. Andraia snagged them some Gin and Tonics from a passing waiter, the aforementioned crab cakes from another (which were indeed damnably good) and introduced him to a professional looking blonde and a strung out redheaded human, both of whom were old friends of hers and veteran managers of various backstage areas. The trio fell into an easy conversation...for about five minutes, after which Andraia tugged on his sleeve.

"I think that's my cue."

She gestured towards  - and Grillby's heart sank, the approaching and unlikely duo of Sans and Alphys.

On a slightly more positive note, Alphys didn't appear to be sobbing or indeed exhibiting any other undue signs of distress. Sans too seemed remarkably quiet, even downright pleasant around her.

Grillby knew better than to look a gift horse in the mouth. Stranger things had happened. .

"I-I'm afraid I need to...we should really..."

"Right." . Andraia nodded and followed the lizard monster, evidently having interpreted the stuttering as intended.

Still somewhat unconvinced of Sans' apparent innocence, Grillby grabbed a  drink off a passing waiter that, from the smell of it probably contained enough alcohol to turn himself into an incendiary device of massive proportions if he wished it. Something of it must have shown on his face as Sans too managed to acquire one; incidentally despite the fact that the man had apparently long moved on from their location.

Deciding that actually drinking it might not be the worst idea he'd had all evening, Grillby knocked the thing back and despite the acrid alcohol smell, it turned out to be one of those drinks that was rather somewhat dangerous in nature, going down far easier than anticipated, but he did feel somewhat better for it and he turned back to Sans.

"Please tell me you were civil to her?"

"Hey I might have bugged her a little..."but you saw her, she ain't annoyed or anythin’."

Grillby turned the phrasing over in his head, fighting boozy inhibitors to suss out any hidden meaning in Sans' words

He decided however that Alphys reaction being fairly devoid of hysteria spoke for itself and he resolved to spend the rest of the night allowing the remainder of his surviving magical brain cells to ensuring the performance part of the evening went off without a hitch. Muffett was actually the first one they ran into, she seemed as impervious as ever to having arrive a touch late for the opening festivities suggesting business was clipping along as usual. She did in a more decidedly out of character turn however have a box for him and apparently one for Sans.

Inside was an intricate, strawberry-topped pastry in the shape of a boutonniere.

"Nice." Sans reply was muffled through the fact that he was already eating his, while Grillby was more enchanted; old habits died hard and this was aesthetically pleasing food if ever there was an example of it.

"This is...beautiful Muffett. Thank you."

"Oh it's not from me Dearie..." she winked three of her six eyes at him, and that made his stomach and his SOUL swoop in a dizzying way that he knew had very little to do with having consumed very potent alcohol.

"We're just heading to the green room." he informed her as though his thoughts were still right here and not off in bedroom land, choosing to pull his phone out and try to focus on anything about it in a vain attempt at mastering himself.

"Please pass along the message to Papyrus, Jerry and Undyne. they may not be checking their phones." . he added, steering Sans along by the shoulder blade so as to avoid getting strawberry or chocolate on his still-immaculate tux.

***

The most important category they'd been nominated for was after the midway point of the ceremonies, and fortunately after their performance, which was agreeable given that a loss would not be in the cards to tamper with their mindset for a good show.

This year the awards were being hosted by a woman stand-up he knew his father liked, She had very little to do with the music industry as a whole, but he'd been aware the last year's debacle of a host who could have given JERRY lessons as to how to offend every person in a earshot (namely by being in front of a world-reaching media platform,), so it seemed they weren’t pulling any punches. He could hear the MC introducing her to the stage, just as they arrived at their destination.

While the rest of the group checked out the backstage riders and started their pre-show rituals, Grillby paced around a small corner of the Green Room, thinking hard. As it turned out, the rest of the members of the band also had pastry corsages (though he was sure none but his and the Skeleton brothers’ had also included a strawberry rose), but at least the gesture being extended to all of them had helped put some of the more distracting notions out of his head for the time being.

"What do you MEAN you can't?"

And here they went.

Grillby spun to face Undyne and of all monsters Papyrus.

Nerves were getting to everyone he supposed.

"What's going on here?"

"Who told Papyrus he can't play a flaming guitar with his tongue!?"

"I-wh--"

Undyne ignored him. "WE TOTALLY PRACTICED IT?! IT'll BE BADASS!"

The fire monster went for the hail Mary. "...The fire-code people. For the building."

It worked, much to Papyrus’ relief, Undyne dropped it, but she could very clearly be heard to mutter under her breath something that sounded an awful like a variation on '...and yet they let you in'.

He sighed. He sat down. .He nibbled on his pastry corsage.

"Hey."

Grillby wasn't sure if if he'd not been looking where he had sat down or whether Sans had maneuvered himself in that tricky space manipulation way he always seemed to have, but one way or the other he found himself being tugged back against something soft and warm that was not so as a result of his own flames.

The fire monster let himself be ...cuddled, such as it was, falling a little bit limply against his new, squishy backrest. with a sigh that belied his true stress levels and (he hoped) just how well he'd been holding things together, up until now.

"Relax Gribblies, it's going to be a great show."

"Yeah. You're right."

Something sort of hard and almost-but-not-quite sharp scraped the outside of his wrist.

"Fricking...Sans, you bit me?"

He lifted his hand to his face to see the damage, and flames swirled back over the little divots in his magic.

He was tempted to stand up, especially since he could feel Sans laugh where his back was pressed against him

Instead he stayed down. He was comfortable and God knew how long that would last.

"Papyrus?"

"Nyeh?"

"Can you turn up the loud speaker a bit please?"

The skeleton who was not presently being a pillow nodded affably, setting down his guitar and in the next moment the sound of an entertained audience's appreciative chuckles filled the room.

Satisfied that there was no way he could totally drift off, despite being comfortable, (make that VERY comfortable, as Sans had decided to play with the wisps of flame that sprung like 'hair' from the top of his head) he decided there was nothing for it yet curling his long legs up under himself and simply waited for the first strains of Glamour Bomb's performance, the timing by which he had gauged their own pre-performance preparations to start in earnest, both in part because it would give them a good  amount of time to accommodate for any technical mishaps that might occur during checks, but also because they would not have to listen to and subsequently be riled up by MTT, his band or any of the rivalry they represented.  

Normally it might not have mattered as half the band were at the least professional if not strictly speaking 'chill' and the other half mercurial regardless of any outside influence, but he was unduly pleased in this case that the mercurial half seemed to be completely under an unprecedented wave of utter calm. One that he refused to allow to go to waste.

The deafening roar of applause and cheering was  shut off with a crackle and a click that barely cut through Grillby's drowsy state despite his personal insistence that he would not succumb to sleep.

"BROTHER!"

He lifted his eyes  to observe looming above them, expression an odd mixture of confusion, excitement and mild disgust.

Grillby snapped himself back to full consciousness and alertness excruciatingly slowly, up until he realized  that he had a skeleton still chewing on his wrist. that was tingling in a very odd way. He retracted his limb and attempted to rub some feeling back into it.

"IT IS TIME TO GO, NOW! WE CANNOT BE LATE!” Papyrus, who had likely never been tardy a day in his life was bouncing excitedly on the balls of his feet and looked more than a little wired. Grillby fervently hoped that his apparent nausea was in regards to his willingness to get Sans’ germs all over himself.

On to the first order of business. "Ah, Undyne. I need you to take a quick walk with me." he commanded.

The fish turned to him, the eyebrow above her good eye disappearing into her hairline. . "Sure, what's up?"

Grillby walked her away from the group, hoping she wouldn't balk at the idea. Normally he tried not to let his fidgeting show in his gait, but he had set this up without her knowledge and was  none too sure of what kind of reaction he'd get from it.

"I know you've ah, earned your stripes as our veteran band member." he said, going for a certain demureness he hoped would deflect any potential ire, but regardless of how she reacted this needed to be done. He ploughed on, coming to a halt a few yards away from a patient looking Korean man with a youthful face and carrying a complicated looking metal case.

Undyne's good eye flickered to him curiously and then back to Grillby. and with good reason. He wasn't the type to spring a huge event without warning normally and he had more than enough sense not to do anything that might potentially demoralize someone before a massive performance as well.  Still, he must have looked a great deal more dire he imagined and he attempted to soften his features as much as was instantly discernable by anyone who wasn't a fire elemental or....a member of his band he spent massive portions of every day with.

“This is Tae-Yong.  I know that Doctor Alphys looked at your arm earlier today, but  I would feel more comfortable if you got a second opinion."

Grillby braced internally.

Undyne hacked out a laugh. "Geez you are such a nerd. You're clenching your arse  so hard you might leave behind a diamond when you dust. Come on, even I know you're like a damn helicopter parent with a bullied kid over everything remotely relating to Mettaton.  I'm surprised you aren't insisting we be in one of those bullet proof Pope cases or something that humans use." she snorted. “Cripes, I hate to agree with the fatass---SANS." she drawled her correction and punctuated it with an eyeroll, "But if it'll keep you from having whatever the fire monster equivalent of an aneurysm is, I’ll totally let the little guy look at my arm. Yo kid, let's do this."

Grillby hovered while he watched Tae-Yong look at Undyne's proesthetic, but he was anxious to get back to the rest of the group.

Sans was one to talk about being uptight,. Even if it sounded like an oxymoron where the stout skeleton was concerned, it had taken the monster a very long time to start treating their human staff,  in spite of any definite trustworthiness and competency with any kind of  valid respect or at the very least to get through a day without getting bored and trying to prank them into enough annoyance to net them a cut practice session so as to knock off early.

"Go on." Undyne rolled her eyes. "I think I can take the little guy if it comes to it. Trained by Asgore instead of Juvie, remember? I’ll totally smoke the little nerd if he tries to boobytrap my arm.." She laughed at the expression on the poor technician's face, but Grillby was weighing his options and decided to go check on what sort of chaos might have developed with the rest of his band.

Chaos backstage was an omnipresent creature in general, and it was best to assume the worst.

Papyrus seemed to have been reassured that his tongue was heretofore safe from burning guitars, and was hovering by a young woman bent over an amp while he plucked his guitar, perhaps a touch nervously.  The amp in question belonged to Jerry and in any other instance the whole situation could have been seen as a bad case of White Knighting, but there was a common force against Jerry that transcended appropriate assumptions to make about gender roles and personal ability to stand up for oneself.

Speaking of nerves, the lumpy little spud was practicing, taking a cue from Papyrus he supposed. Muffett was having a reasonable discussion about her drum set and even Sans was about as serene as could be, dozing on his feet instead of rehearsing like the rest, but nor did that put him in anyone's immediate line of ire or anyone in his immediate line of interest.

"Yo, we're all done here. Got a clean bill of health - arm is virus and bug free." Undyne came up behind him, and he turned to watch her make  a fist with the prosthetic and pump it in a show of enthusiasm.

Grillby pulled out his mobile and made the transfer of funds to the young technician, shook his hand and bade him stay around the back monitors for the remainder of the show. Only awards recipients, managers and directly involved individuals had the prime seats and the back rows that could be purchased by the general public had been long sold out, but it hadn't taken much to allow an extra to join the behind-the-scenes hangers on.

Now all there was to do was wait and hope that the leadup did not belie the success of the final product.

The crackle from his cb radio  was a confirmation from Andraia that things were a go from her technician's perspective and he copied it, then pulled an unused amp just inside the audience's blind spot at the edge of the stage, took a seat and waited, hovering on the edge of it.

On stage, awards were being passed out for something; Grillby didn't recognize the recipients, he thought perhaps it might have been Spoken Word but even if he’d been interested this was too close to zero hour to pay the barest polite attention. They were in the final moments now; behind the set-covering curtain, Subterranical were taking marks, roadies were scrambling to complete their last chances to make sure nothing had slipped notice.

He caught Sans’ eye, in part because it was flashing gold-blue; but it was gone the moment they locked gazes.

“...Subterranical!” the MC walked off stage left to screaming and cheering and it was on.

Grillby tensed without realizing it.

The song was supposed to be the single - 'Fuck the War Machine'. Sans had no problem with censorship, personally finding  'bleeping' network sanctioned ‘offensive’ words amusing rather than anything else.

But this was not that song. Grillby’s SOUL clenched as it went through a wave of nervous emotions

Subterranical was definitely playing a new song. None of them had managed to disclose it; even Papyrus who was normally transparent as glass had managed to keep the secret.

There was no profanity in the song; and by the second verse, Grillby had stopped panicking enough to realize that it wasn't a prank.

He began listening to the song. It was good. Really good. Better than anything on the album.

Sans' lyrics were perhaps what put the the band as over the top popular as it was. Sans sang songs of war and murder and 'dark' things and that was to be expected of a Metal group and it probably lent some edge that they were Monsters which had evolved into something ‘unknown’ and ‘scary’ for humans. His true power lay in his odd...ability - ability really was the only word for it - to sound like a veteran of these things, even if Grillby knew personally that he was more or less the same age as him. They’d met as children. Not even Muffett - the eldest member of the band had anything on that kind of a scale as part of her lifespan. It would have been one thing if Sans were a researcher with a degree of accuracy and respect for a sensitive topic, but this wasn’t that either.

The long and the short of it was that Mettaton was a decent actor, but whatever talent he brought to his role as Monster Performer: Idol to Human and Monster alike, there was no match to Sans ability to exude something that suggested he’d been personally present for major events in their history.

However he managed it, it had only gotten stronger with time and it was in full force now. The audience was going predictably insane.

Grillby thumbed on the button of the walkie talkie, legitimately struggling to keep his voice low. "Wow. Got me."

Andraia flashed him a thumbs up from the sound booth and with that he let himself enjoy the moment.

The fire monster was very nearly doing a dance of joy.  He had sat down to counteract the emotional and physical turmoil of the long day exhausting his magic, but no one watching him could have known it and for himself being tired was the farthest thing from his mind. He was burning bright, white-hot and orange, gold flickering off him in such fervor that he had to sink further into the shadows, cheering along with the crowd, almost feeling as though he was louder than all of them.

Something cool blew past the back of his neck, fanning his flames and he whirled in shock and a thrill of embarrassment to see Toriel standing behind him, a bemused expression on her face and lips pursed from the teasing puff of air she'd sent at his neck.

"Why hello there ‘Mr. Grillby.’" she smiled.

He didn't bother to restrain himself, still too caught up in the moment to care much about some minor bashfulness and hugged her, unashamedly. "You were able to come!"

"Yes, Muffett made a small tweak to the green room rider." she was wearing her bakery uniform and was still a little floury.

"The gifts you sent were excellent." he added, adrenaline continuing to eclipse his usual low-key shyness. And he was still holding her hand. There it went.

He barely had the time to dwell on the situation as the band had made their way off stage and he was bowled over literally by a sea of bones, fur, scales and hair. The tar from Muffett's black lipstick managed to sear a lasting lipstick-kiss mark on his cheek and his air was being uncomfortably choked off but yet he couldn't think of a situation he'd rather be in. Papyrus hefted him and Undyne had a brief scuffle with him with him over which of them could supplex him better.

Across the way the crew along with Andraia were celebrating in an equal, though somewhat less limb-heavy tangle, which he found himself pause to watch.

“So take it y’aint too pissed off with the new song?” Someone said into his back.

“No.” The breathlessness of the reply had very little to do with the fact that Sans’ arms were locked rather fiercely around his waist.

He relaxed into the embrace until Papyrus ripped his brother away with a whoop.

Grillby went to extract Andraia to take them down to their seats for the remainder of the evening, after they were re-dressed and/or cleaned up into their party clothes once more.

Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Sans and Toriel, huddled close together.

He squashed down the invasive spike of envy (and the still-lingering question of who it was for), wanting to get out of there in a huff...kind of...but mastering the childish impulse and busying himself with getting back on track until ''Professional Grillby was back in control.

He found himself , along with the rest of the band being hurriedly ushered out after the music played to coax a long-winded -award recipient off the stage, and the group were soon being served Champagne in an aisle-adjacent table. Grillby didn't know if it was coincidence  or because they would be expected to be using that aisle soon, but he crossed his fiery fingers in the hopes of the latter.

As it turned out, Andraia won an award for Best Engineering on the Blue Album, which meant they were officially not walking away empty handed. Papyrus had been nominated for Best Metal Performance but lost gracefully to Metallica's latest tour (and he quite rightly felt there was no shame in that.)  Still, it would be good to receive something band-specific for their troubles and Grillby found himself fidgeting through Lil' Hal's  acceptance speech for best Hip Hop Artist more than he'd like to admit.

Monique Mondale was the presenter for the newly crafted Monster-produced album award and she had a short speech prepared on the importance of Asgore's significance in forming Under the Mountain records and how it was significant that this year there were enough Monster performers to create a category for awards.

Everyone knew including Punk Hamster himself that the race was between Glamour Bomb and Subterranical but the rodent-like creature waved at the cameras when they trained themselves on him.

Grillby tried to relax himself, but even using the big screen as a reference couldn't seem to unclench his muscles. Never had he been so grateful for his elemental nature - most anyone watching who wasn't familiar with a fire elemental would be able to read his body language for what it was.

Of course, his whole family would likely have something to say about it later.

Up on stage, Monique had come to the end of the ‘drawing out the suspense for extended viewing’ portion of her presentation and slid a manicured nail under the seal of the envelope. She bent near the microphone.

"And the winner of the award for Best new Monster artist is..."

She used the expectant pause to slide out the paper and bring it to eye level. "Subterranical!"

The declaration rang out to Grillby's ears las though it was screamed at decibel level. They’d won. There was no mistake about it.

Beside him, Undyne was impressively wrestling Jerry back into his seat with one arm on the pretense of a congratulatory hug and trying to maneuver Papyrus into getting up and making his way to the stage with her leg.

The tall skeleton walked to the stage, receiving a kiss on the cheek bone and a half-air hug from Monique and leaning down to the microphone even though it was hefted to its furthest height to read the brief speech.

“No, it IS fair, Mettaton...!”

In the chaos it took everyone a moment to realize that the voice that was speaking was not Papyrus'.

“...A-after...after what w-we did...we...di...didn't deserve to win."

Papyrus fell silent, realizing that he wasn’t being listened to and a horrified expression crossing his face as he finally processed just what was interrupting him. Even the curious buzzing that had started up had died down to near complete silence now, with the tv coverage crew having located the source of the unfamiliar, nervous soprano stutter.

"Y...You nearly killed Undyne." The cameras had zeroed in on Alphys, who was standing at her unimpressive full height over the seated and blank-looking Mettaton and twisting the bodice of her black polkadotted evening dress in her claws. If she was aware she was on television she either hadn't noticed or had moved beyond caring.

"A-and...and I kn--know it was a-an a-a-a-accident." her stuttering became more pronounced in her half-determined, half fearful bravado. "B-but...you---you made me lie and I don't want to lie and hide things Mettaton!I ...I hate it and Undyne deserves to win and we do not. A-and I...I-d-don’t care i-if you fire m-me! I q-quit!"

Sans folded his hands across his stomach peaceably. Undyne's face was now the one on camera but she seemed unusually calm.

At the end of the row, Grillby stood up.

He found himself walking down to the row of tables by the stage, . He saw the cameras follow his progress in his periphery vision. .

The entire room of elegantly dressed people was silent in the wake of Alphys’ pronouncement and (he acknowledged it as being) Sans retaliatory ‘prank’ . Grillby came to a halt at the end of the row in front of the duo, rooted to the spot and staring at the both of them. It was almost impossible to tell what he was thinking. That was generally the case as with no incredibly obvious facial ticks or features, but this was a whole different case.

Sans might have made a joke about ‘frozen’ and ‘irony’ but it was just so eerie.

Mettaton stood and finding himself almost immediately in Grillby’s face, took a careful step back, almost stumbling over his carefully crafted pink spile of a heel; an impressive feat for a robot with servos and motors designed to keep his balance level at all times.

Sans had sat up a little bit from his initial pleased ‘innocent observer’ slump but now was quite aware that what to come next was not good. Grillby had, it seemed, run totally out of his last vestiges of patience.

[Maybe this timeline had finally run its course.]

The fire monster reared up like a cobra - he was certainly tall but had always been thinner than even Papyrus (or so said Sans), In that moment however he seemed intimidatingly huge, his face, livid with blue-white flames looming down over Metaton’s .

“If you ever.” he began, voice dripping with bile “Come near my band again, I will find out EXACTLY how much heat it will take to melt magic-imbued metal.”

He plucked the award out of Papyrus’ fingers, turning to find him there; presumably to stop him but the elemental didn’t even miss a beat. The stunned guitarist didn’t make a move and he ascended the stairs, and very calmly placed it onto the podium. “We do not want this.” he informed the dumbstruck Idol hostess with quiet politeness, for all the world sounding as though he was returning a pair of trousers he’d discovered a stain on just out of the store.

He ushered himself off the end of the stage and as one the remainder of the Subterranical party stood. Somehow it seemed like the right thing to do. Grillby offered his hand to Andraia who barely hesitated to take it.

Internally he was delighted he had not found time to ask Toriel to be his date as he had initially planned. He swept her down the aisle before the confused and grateful looking security guards could react, stopping only at the auditorium doors to turn back.

Subterranical gazed back at him.

His eyes were kind now but his voice brooked no argument. “Let’s go home.”

***

The rest of the night passed in such a blur Grillby could have been intoxicated for all he remembered of it, though at least that would have been a better excuse. Much like being drunk the enormity of his actions at the ceremony hit him all at once once he had rubbed a decent amount of sleep from his eyes.

He had behaved foolishly, impulsively and childishly, so focussed on and distracted with his ridiculous (and nonexistent) love life he'd let his professional one slide into the proverbial ditch.

He dressed himself in a casual jumper and jeans and peered into the mirror. There would be a lot of work to do.

He had to start right away.

He was still livid.

Stepping out of his room, he predictably found the entirety of the band clustered around the dinette table as best they could, waiting for him and not even bothering to bicker about personal space.

Apparently somewhere in the last 12 hours or so, the table had acquired a new centerpiece - namely their award from the previous night.

Grillby had a pretty good idea where - or more accurately, by whose hand that had come from.

He tore his gaze from it and tried to spread it evenly among the rest of the group.

He took a deep breath and let it out, willing away some of his ire, even if he could feel his own flames licking as white as they had the previous night.

He opened his mouth. He was going to apologize, explain himself, ask forgiveness. Instead, he told them only two words.  "September 6."

That said, he turned and exited into the kitchen, letting the door click quietly behind him.

Subterranical looked at each other from across the cramped Banquette.

70 days, 22 Hours, 35 minutes and 8 seconds before the next album dropped….

End of Season 1

To Come in Season 2…:

Grillby lay back comfortably on the bed, catching a rare moment of comfort and uninterrupted rest in the the peace of his hotel room. He scraped the last bit of pasta off the admittedly well-made room service plate and got up to put it outside for collection by the staff, only to be greeted by Papyrus, one hand raised pre-knock.

***

"DARLINGS! We are here for our turn to use the soundstage!"

***

“‘Sup Pap?”

“What’s this?”

“Well that would be food Papyrus. That’s what you tend to find in a fridge.” she’d been somewhat quiet since the moment of Alphys painful confession, but even she couldn’t keep the sass out of her voice.

“I KNOW THAT.” the Skeleton put his hand on his hip bone and then and grabbed the door before it could swing back shut. “BUT ALL OF THIS TUPPERWARE!”

***

"Yes." he said rather stupidly.

"I am sorry, I asked if you preferred cinnamon or butterscotch."

“Still yes.”

[charlesjening]

Let’s Talk About How CPA Canada Totally F*cked Up Last Week’s CFE

Many years ago in another lifetime, I dated this total loser. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Adrienne, what the hell do your dubious dating choices have to do with accounting?” Bear with me, we’ll get there.

So, this loser. He was an adorable if grungy scamp with tattoos dotted across his body like scribbles on my middle school notebook covers and dirty blonde hair that managed to be both greasy and perfectly-coiffed at all times. Young me, not yet schooled in the fine art of red flags that subsequent years of dating would teach me, was weak to his charms despite the fact that he brought little to the table other than a killer smile and the occasional bottle of Remy, the latter of which impressed young me since I was too young then to buy my own and too lazy to stand outside of the liquor store waiting for some 30-year-old dorky sap to buy me one.

As I’m sure you can imagine by this point in the story, this guy came with more issues than National Geographic, not least of which being his attraction to substances — both licit and not. This generally wasn’t a problem as he was clever enough to weasel out of most predicaments his unfortunate choices got him into, and I clever enough to avoid him when he was on a bender. But every now and then, he’d find himself face-to-face with some cop who was sick of having to drag his drunk ass in every other week.

In one whiskey-and-who-knows-what-else-fueled incident I can recall, he called me from the drunk tank to inform me that A) I was a bitch for ditching him earlier in the evening, and B) he was in jail, possibly facing an actual charge for fighting or stealing or who the hell can remember, it doesn’t matter now. Given that I lacked both the bail money to get him out and the will to do a favor for someone who just called me a bitch, I let him sit there. A few short hours later, he was out. The time from arrest to his release couldn’t have been more than maybe three or four hours.

So why did I just tell this story? To put into perspective the fact that CPA Canada just treated the country’s future CPAs worse than police treated my loser ex-boyfriend who definitely deserved to be locked up for being an absolute waste of carbon.

Let’s get caught up on this, likely the worst professional examination debacle I think we’ve ever covered in our 10 years here on Going Concern. Because we’re a mostly American-based rag, I feel obligated to explain what the CFE (Common Final Examination) is and how it’s administered, if briefly. Unlike here in the good ole U. S. of A. where future CPAs can schedule exams with relative flexibility, Canadian accountants have to endure a three-day exam that is usually administered just once a year, though sometimes like next year they get lucky and have two chances. This year, the CFE started on Sept. 11 and, according to many reports, was already off to a bad start. But by Sept. 12, the shit had totally hit the fan.

9:15 in Vancouver on day 2 CFE. No one can load secure exam. from r/Accounting

On Monday, a tipster caught us up on the drama which we missed because A) we regrettably forget about our friends up north sometimes, and B) at least for me, I was too busy with Borderlands 3 to waste my time trolling r/accounting for something to write about last weekend and totally missed the complaining.

Hi there,

I am reporting on CPA Canada’s negligence in carrying out this year’s Common Final Examination (“CFE”) last week. This is a very important 3-day examination that prospective accountants must pass to obtain the professional licence to practice accounting in Canada.

There was a massive breach of integrity of the exam because of CPA Canada’s negligence to carry out their job properly. This resulted in many students (i.e. Edmonton location) where they were forced to sit inside the examination centre for 4 hours before the exam started. In other words, when the exam was supposed to start at 9AM, they started at 1PM. They were starved and asked to stay inside the examination centre.

Jesus, even my loser ex-boyfriend got a moldy bologna sandwich in the holding tank.

CPA Canada’s failure to administer the exam and treat candidates with the minimum of dignity while they waited to take what is quite possibly the most important test of their lives has been picked up by all sorts of media, including the Financial Post.

FP writes:

Another online poster, who spoke to the Financial Post on the condition that he would not be identified, described seeing people in Edmonton in emotional and physical distress on the second day of the exam, which was delayed for five hours, and which ultimately proceeded without access to a crucial digital handbook.

“Everyone was tired, exhausted and seemed in no shape to write” by the time the exam started, the poster said on Reddit, adding that a series of delays left the candidates in the examination room for about 12 hours and facing huge lineups for access to limited food and water.

“We study our butts off and stress for 8 weeks only to experience this?” the exam-writer wrote.

A statement we received from an anonymous collective consisting of Canadian Big 4 employees operating under the name Wayne Gretzky (LOL) details the CFE failures, disappointments, and plans to hold CPA Canada responsible. It also explains the situation far better than I can with far fewer tangents about greasy ex-boyfriends, so let’s check it out:

After a poorly administered examination took place last week, Chartered Professional Accountant (“CPA”) candidates across Canada are left to question the integrity and competency of their governing bodies. More than eight thousand CPA students wrote the annual Common Final Examination (“CFE”) from September 11, 2019 to September 13, 2019. The CFE is a three-day examination which requires students who have completed certain post-graduate programs to write four to five hours of simulated business cases each day, testing their competencies to be licensed as a CPA. The CFE is known to be one of the most challenging examinations to write—arguably on par with other professional examinations such as the bar exam for lawyers or qualification exam for doctors—with the majority of candidates sacrificing weeks of time off from work in order to prepare and perform at their best.

What students could not prepare for, however, was the myriad of unexpected technical and administrative issues during this year’s examination. These issues severely disrupted their ability to perform and compromised the validity of examination results. This is the first year that new examination software, called Surpass, was rolled out, and it appears that CPA Canada—the organization which governs the profession and administers the examination—had not adequately prepared themselves for the issues that would come along with this rollout.

This led a number of test centres across the country to delay the examination for up to five hours with limited access to food, drinks, and washrooms. It was likened to being held hostage, and those students ended up writing from 2PM to 7PM when they should have been writing from 9AM to 2PM. One student writes, “I came in that morning ready, […] but the fatigue from sitting and waiting for hours plus unnecessary stress resulted in what I believe to be a clear fail. I’m a good student, I studied like my life depended on it. In a normal exam condition, I’d have passed without any issue.”

In addition, some students were handicapped by being forced to write responses by hand as opposed to typing, with no access to reference material on their computers during the “open-book” examination. The examination was supposed to be written through the Surpass software, which saved typed responses and allowed students to view certain reference material, while locking down their computers from opening other applications. The software was ultimately used by only a fraction of students, and even so, these students faced slow response times and periodic glitches. There are also students falling in the last category of being told to write on Microsoft Word and access the internet for reference material, because the software did not work for the entire centre. To this point, one student wonders, “The test was going to be written at one point with three different groups having various resources […] How can you mark a test three different ways and make that fair?”

Not only are there issues in the fairness of marking, but students are convinced that examination results were also compromised due to the opportunities that opened up for cheating. A student from the West coast wrote, “Our start time was after when Eastern Canada [sic] would have finished their exam and there was no measure taken to ensure that there was no exam information leakage across the country.”

Indeed, some students from the Eastern time zones posted details about specific questions on social media despite having accepted a confidentiality agreement prior to the examination, and their posts benefitted users in the West who had unsupervised access to the internet during the delays.

The inappropriate handling of the situation by CPA Canada only made matters worse. Proctors appeared to not have been trained or communicated with properly because they made last-minute decisions and provided inconsistent instructions. One student recalls that “the staff in the room were very disorganized and clearly had no clue what to do.” To add on, another student expresses, “I’m mostly upset with the time it took to resolve the issues, and the lack of communication provided to the candidates.”

Social media sites such as Reddit were flooded with comments after each day, from students sharing their “disappointing”, “horrifying”, and “disastrous” experiences while expressing their thoughts surrounding the “lack of professionalism” by CPA Canada. The issues mentioned in this article make up only a small number of many more outlined by the accounts of hundreds of students. Even individuals who did not write the examination had something to say about the series of events: “As a mentor to a student, and a current CPA profession member, the way the CFE was handled and carried out this year was blatantly unacceptable. I’m ashamed of my profession for the way this was carried out. There is no excuse for this.”

The Surpass software mentioned in the statement was first used for last year’s exams and is supposed to offer “enhanced functionality and flexibility for examination writers and administrators.” It’s unclear at this point what part if any Surpass played in this debacle. That said, I’ve got a PDF of hundreds of candidate comments in front of me with countless complaints about the software, leading a reasonable person to assume it had a lot to do with last week’s drama. Since this is already running long and I know you guys, like me, have the attention span of a gnat, I’ll only share a choice few.

Surpass has been a nightmare. I wasn’t even able to upload my exam today. Day 1 they kept us for an extra hour after the exam due to technical difficulties with the software. We were advised not to use the cut function because it would freeze the software. The whole rollout of Surpass seems very poorly planned and basically exactly what they are teaching us not to do, as CPAs. I certainly expected better, considering the amount of money I paid to write the CFE.

And:

Surpass froze on me roughly 3 hours into the exam. A proctor took my computer and spent 30 minutes working on it without telling me what he was doing. I saw him with a back-up laptop and a USB key, so I assumed he was transferring my work, but when I asked him about it, he told me that the work I did was saved on the USB, and that I would have to finish the exam by hand.

And:

Please note that this is not the first time that there have been issues with the new software. I wrote my elective exam in December, 2018 and experienced the same issues (actually worse, because my computer crashed multiple times and I lost 20-30 minutes).

And my favorite comment of all:

As I said, the thing goes on for comment after comment. We’d be here all day and probably piss off our benevolent overlords at Accountingfly for all the server space we’d have to buy just to host every single complaint if I posted every single one. Let’s just say Surpass isn’t looking good at this point.

Like damn. As some of y’all know, I’m a day one Fallout 76 player and even Bethesda isn’t this bad when it comes to glitches, good Lord.

Oh hey, Mr Glitched Ghoul Guy

Of course CPA Canada was forced to make a statement, the entirety of which we’re including below because why not, this thing is already long as hell.

During the administration of the three-day Common Final Exam (CFE) there were technical delays resulting in a challenging exam writing experience for many students. We extend our sincere apologies to everyone who was affected as we know how much work goes into preparing and writing this important examination and how stressful it has been for our students.

In response to issues caused by technical problems with the CFE, CPA Canada is retaining a third-party expert to conduct an independent, comprehensive review. The mandate includes evaluating the integrity and reliability of the September 2019 examination process.

To inform our review, we are actively gathering information from students, proctors, and others to understand what happened and how it impacted the exam-writing experience. We are committed to maintaining the integrity of the profession and the Common Final Examination.

An independent board of examiners oversees the CFE evaluation process. Over many years, they have developed a robust system for taking into account extenuating circumstances that affect exam-writers. Given what occurred during this year’s exam, this CFE evaluation process will be supplemented by the third-party review.

We will proceed as quickly as possible, but our main priority is to provide the time necessary for a fair, accurate and equitable outcome.

At the same time, we are also immediately reviewing the technical issues that arose across the country and are working with our service providers to do everything possible to avoid a future reoccurrence.

We recognize what a difficult time this has been for many and we want to reassure exam-writers we have the people and processes in place to resolve the situation as quickly and effectively as possible.

Yeah, tell that to the poor bastards holed up in a gymnasium for hours on end last week.

This disaster comes just after CPA Canada released a likely multimillion-dollar advertising campaign on “The New Face” of Canada’s CPAs, making for an awkward discussion about CPA Canada’s priorities when they’re burning the future new faces this hard.

The post Let’s Talk About How CPA Canada Totally F*cked Up Last Week’s CFE appeared first on Going Concern.

republished from Going Concern