#I read the book over a year ago and its soooo good

[its-hai-time]

hello Nimona people

[pupcuck]

ASKING FOR IT !

ft. og4 leon s. kennedy x fem!reader

tags. p in v, smut, cheating (not on reader), ooc leon sorry, he’s mean, negging, misogyny, reference to past rape/non-con, unresolved trauma, suicidal thoughts duhhh, he calls reader ugly a lot, leon subs for his gf but doms reader, non-con to consensual sex, manipulation, some .. uh waterboarding? he dunks your head in water, opioid addiction but it’s minor LMFAOO

note. haii… um feedback whether it’s good or bad appreciated really forced myself to write this so im like ack. hating everything i write but! ignore typos :3 it’s not as fleshed out as i wanted .. soooo it reads pretty jolty but yah 😭 and the smut is like not. IDK I’m ugh not into it just couldn’t bring myself to extend stuff that I really wanted to develop n he’s ooc. BUT!! again ignore typos or I’ll cry n feedback/constructive criticism appreciated <3

Leon has a girlfriend. He can never hold down a girl, his ability to scare women away is preternatural, so it’s a big deal. And she’s fucking hot. Not like model hot, but pornstar hot. She’s got tits so firm they might as well be bulletproof. Bottle blonde with eyes that swallow up her whole face. Her stomach doesn’t crease when she sits. It’s the type of beauty that takes its form in slashes of red lace and nylon. Not many women are out of his league, but she is.

They have hot sex like attractive people tend to do, and it goes something along the lines of this.

He goes:

Is that dick good, baby? You like it? Right there, baby?

And she goes:

Fuck, yes, baby! Harder, deeper— Oh, right there!

And then she doesn’t cum.

So there’s that, but he’s working on it.

Leon doesn’t take well to tips on how to fuck. Reading advice columns in the Men’s Health magazine leaves a funny taste in his mouth. It might be the blood from the castrated image of his masculinity. Who knows.

He struggles with that sort of thing. A nice face does nothing for a man who doesn’t actually like anything about himself. Leon’s still that wimpy self-hating loser he was all those years ago. In all fairness to God, there are a few added tweaks here and there. Some bug fixes. Now he’s drunk and shallow too! Misanthropic when he’s at his very best.

As a kid, mom told Leon to be a nice boy so he was a nice boy. Not because he was ever a particularly nice boy, but for her sake. So instead of acting out he would go and crush ants beneath his thumb in the front yard because there is this mean part of Leon that splinters inside of him like cooked bones.

Life to Leon is being fucked into apologising for being alive so it’s no wonder he’s still harbouring the insecurities of a boy he isn't.

When he was eighteen it was by ugly old men who abhorred him for being the embodiment of whatever it was they were hiding from their wives. His legs looked nice thrown over a pair of big shoulders. They were so thin back then, model-type shit. All of those men mildly resembled his dad, but that’s something he wouldn’t quite like to crack down on yet. Leon’s being open enough as it is.

When he was twenty-one it was his headache of a first girlfriend. It was the bullet wound in his shoulder. When he was twenty-two it was being passed around boot camp like a dirty needle. When he was twenty-seven it was Luis who was nothing and everything in between. It was a picture book princess like Ashley. The scar on his shoulder. Stigmata. Glory Be. Whatever.

(And Jack, it was always Jack. Pale all over like a healed scar.)

What Leon is trying to get across, he’s not quite sure. Maybe that he's nice in theory and the reality is he’s a self-confessed charlatan of niceness. Or that he can’t fuck. He can’t fuck because he is deeply traumatised. Yeah. Maybe that’s what he’s trying to say. It’s an excuse, sure, doesn’t make it the truth though. Leon can’t fuck ‘cause he’s useless at most things that don’t include guns. He can’t fuck ‘cause he was unattractive as a teenager and that solidified the way he feels about himself now.

Leon’s got one thing going for him - he fingers her pussy till his fingers prune. Eats her out till he gets lockjaw.

“Oh, you’re so good at that,” she says, kissing his slicked-up lips.

Then her eyes flit to his hard dick and she gives him that strange half-smile. One that seems to say: Not with that. His dick. Obviously.

His shit is big enough, it’s long enough— It’s enough. And it’s pretty. Could put a bow on to make it real cute. Could manufacture a dildo inspired by it. So Leon cannot for the life of him wrap his head around her problem. It’s not his dicks fault her pussy is fucking broken. Her broken pussy doesn’t get to make his dick sad. Doesn’t get to lay devastating blows on his gone-with-the-wind ego.

Another thing is, her sister is an ugly bitch. That upsets Leon and his dick in tow. You’re a student, taking a break for some reason Leon has not bothered to fathom. He couldn’t care less. Go do it someplace else. In this house, you’re nothing more than a cockblock. Leon could forgive you for being a cockblock if you weren’t ugly. Or vice versa.

It would be okay if Leon wasn’t stuck at home with you for hours at a time. Work fucked up his back, so he’s staying here in his girlfriend’s apartment eating her food, running her taps, fucking her badly and shitting on her sister.

You’re sat on the other end of the table with a soggy bowl of cereal while he nurses a juice box like a real man. What do ugly little things like you think about anyway?

When Leon was ugly he thought about forcing his dick into the cute girl next door between his more regular thoughts of what to eat for dinner and whether he stocked up on toilet paper or not.

When he was ugly, his day was made simply by a pretty girl looking in his general direction. So Leon makes sure to look in yours. Y’know, to fuel your perverted wet dreams. Your rape fantasies. What freaks think about when they’re near hot guys. Well, it’s strange actually. You tend to totally ignore him. When the two of you make brief eye contact, you don’t flounder or duck or bow your head like you’re shy— You just move on with your life. That bothers him. Leon’s hot now. He’s not the type of man you just brush over like that. He’s the type you gawk at in broad daylight, he’s the sort of guy you see in soft porn magazines.

“Good morning,” his girlfriend greets, “have a good sleep, sweetie?” She bumps your hip when you stand up to hug her.

She’s wearing stockings today. Oh, he loves stockings. He loves pencil skirts. He loves— He loves office wear. He wants to be put over her lap and spanked raw perhaps.

“Yeah, it’d be nice if your boyfriend stopped moaning like a girl though.” It’s said into her ear, but Leon hears it.

“I’m going now, honey,” his girlfriend tells him.

Like a good boy, Leon stands to bid her goodbye. Her blouse is sheer, shows off her black bra and he eyes it with distaste.

“What’s wrong, Leon?”

He doesn’t speak. Just glares at her perfect set of tits like a baby weaned off milk.

“I can’t take them off,” she snorts.

Leon wishes she could. Hang ‘em up in the closet and pop them back on when it’s time to play. Tits are for the bedroom. Otherwise, they’re too much of a distraction. Instead, he settles on slipping his hand up her skirt to check if she’s wearing panties. (There’s no panty line showing through her pencil skirt and that’s always a bad sign.) She shoos him away.

So Leon leans in for a kiss, and she says, “Nuh-uh, honey, you’ll ruin my makeup.” Then she gives in ‘cause Leon can be kinda cute when he tries hard enough. “Just one, okay?”

“Yeah.” Leon nods. Her kisses are analgesic. Which is unfortunate considering he has an opioid addiction. Almost an addiction.

“One,” she counts, Leon kisses her again, “two, three, four.”

She’s teasing him now.

“Okay, well, keep an eye on her, Leon.”

“I’m not twelve,” you say, exiting the kitchen to spare yourself the sight of him groping your older sister.

Yeah, and Leon’s not a bang nanny.

He wipes the red from his lips, takes his juice box from the table where you’re no longer and decides jerking off in the shower will make him feel better. Leon does. He finishes. Watches his seed wash down the drain and wonders if that was wasteful. A short intermission is taken, then he jerks off in front of her full-body mirror. His biceps flex and his abs tighten, and he looks fucking good.

Why isn’t she cumming? What’s wrong with her? Is she getting too old? Is menopause hitting already? She’s only thirty-something. It can’t be that, and she asked Leon to pick up tampons last week— Unless they were for you.

Nobody in this house tells Leon anything. Another shower is what he needs. No, he needs a smoke. Leon doesn’t smoke. He does the next best thing, rests idly against the railings of her balcony, observing the ballet of D.C. life. Man, he could throw himself over right now. Splat against the asphalt and that would be it. It’d all be over. Hauling his weight over would be no problem. Catastrophizing to pass the time. Men used to do this for a living in Ancient Greece. What happened to philosophising? Leon could be a philosopher, all they did was spout nonsense and he is good at that. Not at fucking, however.

Beer. Yeah. Beer. That’s what he needs. Leon ransacks the fridge to no avail. Health-conscious living is the reason for misery, he believes. See, very insightful, modern-day Socrates right here. Lean proteins, vegan substitutes, low-fat yoghurt— It’s so girly it makes him sick.

“She’s still on a health kick,” you say from behind him, “I thought it was a New Years thing, but she’s still, like, super into it.”

Why are you talking to him? Leon blinks at you owlishly. “Right,” he says.

You give him a funny look, turning back to the counter to use the coffee machine. Don’t you want him? You’re not shy. Why aren’t you shy? Shouldn’t you be shy? Ugly Leon was mute around girls whether they were short, fat, ugly or pretty. Shit, he is clucking for a beer.

“There's Chardonnay under the sink.” Well, that’s unhelpful.

“Yeah, I don’t- I don’t drink that.” He would like to finish his sentence off with ‘girly shit’ but you seem like the type to find that offensive.

“Figured.” The coffee machine whirs. A lobotomised silence ensues. “Good talk.”

You’re so ugly you’re asking for it. Perfect subject for the ‘I can’t make my girlfriend cum, is her pussy broken?’ experiment. Ugly girls don’t count as a fuck, right? Not when they’re sent to the very back of your mind after said fuck. He wonders how many girls counted the uglier him as an official lay.

You’re on your tummy reading a book. The Beautiful and Damned. Leon had no idea they wrote a book about him. The door creaking exposes his creeping against his will.

“Do you need something?” you ask without batting an eye.

The swell of your ass is nice. “Uh, yeah, I do.”

Rolling over and sitting up to face him, you tilt your head to the side. “Go on.”

“I want to have sex with you.” Woah. Okay. That’s a genie he can’t put back in the bottle. Fuck, why does he do this stupid shit? Leon should just kill himself. All roads lead to suicide. Every sign points towards suicide and he is still holding on for dear life.

Think about Sherry. Sherry won’t care, kids hit sixteen and don’t give a fuck about much, he reasons with the voice in his head. How about Claire? Oh, she’ll think good fucking riddance. Redfield? No way. You are truly out of options, Kennedy.

“I’m sorry?”

Oh, god no, Leon’s the one that should be sorry. “You heard me.” The apology comes out incredibly wrong. “I’m helping you out.”

“Helping me out with what? I’m sorry, Leon, I didn’t… I didn’t think I— I don’t know what made you think I wanted this from you, but I don’t like you—“

You don’t like him? Why not? He’d like a list of reasons with a page-long explanation. What’s not to like? The hair. It’s the hair. Blond is too girly. That’s what it is.

“—I mean, you’re with my sister, did you really think I would say yes? I’m sorry, I’m just a little confused, where is this coming from? Gosh, I really… I don’t know what to say.”

“I’m helping you out,” Leon repeats, using his hands to gesture at your face, at your body. “No one else is gonna do it.” This apology has gone way out of bounds. A simple sorry would have sufficed.

“What..?” Something doleful crosses your face, then it twists unpleasantly. “You think I want to have sex with you… ‘cause I’m not cute? Like, you think I’m…”

Ugly, yes. He does. Only a little. Can you turn over? He wants to make you cum. “You’re a virgin, yeah?”

“Oh my god, there’s, like, something wrong with you!” You stand to your full height in a pitiful attempt to appear frightening. That face is enough to scare a man away already. “Get out— And I am so telling her when she gets back home, I told her I didn’t like you, I told her and now you just-“

Leon grabs you by the jaw, squeezes you so tight it clicks. “Okay, sweetheart, here’s how this is going to go,” he starts, taking both your wrists in a single hand, “we’re going to start over, and you’re going to be a good little girl and apologise to me like you really mean it.”

“Apologise for what?” It comes out muffled through your forced pout so he chooses to ignore you.

“I don’t know what you fuckin’ said.” Leon should just end it here, he should let go of you and check into the nearest asylum. He’s hot. Leon is box blond. He’s tall enough to dwarf most girls. His face is nice. His body is nicer. So he doesn’t know what his problem is. Once pinned down, you shrink away from him, expression so sour your skin looks ready to melt off your skull.

And then he fucks you till you stop screaming. He leaves you in a withered heap, heads back to his room to take a well-deserved nap, hides his face in the pillows. They smell like her. He should think about killing himself some more. That gun looks awfully shiny. Nth time could be the charm.

She gets home in the evening, drops her bag on the floor to alert him of her entrance.

“I missed you.” Leon noses at her neck.

“You were sleeping.” She ruffles his hair like he’s a child.

“I still missed you.”

“Even when you’re sleeping?”

In the least creepy way possible, he wants to wear her skin as a suit, and she thinks his body doesn’t yearn for her at every sleeping second?

“The most when I’m sleeping, have bad dreams without you,” Leon mumbles groggily.

“How cute,” she muses, “good day?”

“Great day.” Leon nods. “Real productive.”

“Oh yeah? What’d you get up to?” A singular red nail strokes along his spine.

“Thought about you,” he answers, leaving out the part where he spent half of his time jerking off. Oh, and the part where he fucked her sister into submission. He raped you. He did. Leon doesn’t like that word. Far too harsh.

“Now, don’t push it, mister.” When she smiles there’s a lack of wrinkles— Not even smile lines, it’s artificial almost.

Leon’s good at pushing buttons. He should get paid for it. “It’s true, if you said jump I’d ask how high.”

“You’re so funny, Leon.” She kisses his head and laughs all prim and proper.

“Serious, babe, I’m super partial to jumping,” he says to hear her laugh again. He’s more partial to suicide. It’s great. A one-way ticket off of God’s green inferno. Who would he even be without suicide ideation?

“Alright, but I’d like you all in one piece.” She kisses his cheek. “No jumping, okay, honey?” She kisses his neck and his collarbones and his Adam’s apple and he’s unable to breathe.

“Okay,” Leon says. He gets it now. She’s mommying him. Maybe this is what Leon needs. To play house. A daddy to fuck his throat and a mommy to sit on his dick and tell him that he’s a good boy and he’s needed and he won’t have to think if he has a mommy and daddy to do that for him.

Can he backtrack on the rape thing? Trust Leon to take a good thing and ruin it in the worst way possible. If he kissed you he could’ve wormed his way out of it. Told her it was the medication he’s on, that he had a mental breakdown, a midlife crisis.

At dinner, your silence slips under the radar like cumstains on motel bedsheets. You pick at your food, and when Leon’s knee brushes yours under the table, you excuse yourself. Sometimes he thinks that he is a bad person, this can be backed up by many things. Violating you might outweigh saving the world.

In bed, he thinks about changing, about calling his therapist in the morning, he might take a leap off that balcony, cleaning up his act sounds terribly hard. Leon does this all with his head tucked into the hollow of his girlfriend’s neck. The thinking has killed his boner and now he can’t get it up. So he pretends to fall asleep. It’s an unconvincing performance ‘cause the moment she swipes a hand over his ass he lets out a disgruntled noise. Leon clenches so quickly his stomach caves in.

“You don’t like that, honey?”

He shakes his head, overgrown bangs falling in his eyes. Leon has a nice ass. It’s no wonder she wants to touch it, leg presses have done him wonders, but still, it’s off-limits. She can’t sweet talk her way into this anytime soon.

“Why, Leon?” She’s cupping his ass like he’s a girl. Leon’s not a girl. “You’d look so cute.”

“No,” he whines, and it sounds kind of sexy. He gets it. He can see the appeal.

“I think you just need some encouragement, baby.” She’s taking him apart like a gun. Folding him like laundry. Milks his prostate so well he sleeps like a baby. Not even a shadow of an orgasm to be seen from her side.

She leaves early the next morning and he’s left alone to ruminate. What he finds out today is that you’re pretty diligent at sucking dick when forced.

Leon thinks he would like to break you in a way that only he can fix.

He pushes your head down on his dick till your lips are stretched so far they split at the corners, you gag wetly each time the fat tip knocks the back of your throat, heavy balls slapping against your chin.

“Aww, look at you,” Leon coos, “little girl taking big things.”

Fat tears well in your eyes, a faint tremor betrays your effort to hold them back, a single blink and they roll down your cheeks like dewdrops. It might be the dick lodged in your throat, pulsing under your tongue— Yeah, no, it’s his dick in your mouth. That’s why you're upset. No other reason for it. Leon finds you a little ungrateful. A lot of women would pay for this, to drain his balls. Hell, your sister loves to do it.

“One at a time, sweetheart,” he says as he guides you to his balls, “can’t have you choking, can we?” You look up at him blankly. Leon thought he was funny and that’s all that matters. “Go on, spit on ‘em, get me nice and wet.” The drool pooling beneath your tongue drizzles his balls in clear strings, his drippy tip bumps the bridge of your nose, rests comfy on your brow ridge.

You’re struggling real bad. He’ll take it as a compliment. The thing is, you refuse to just lick them, pulling off each ball with a wet pop! and a dry cough. Leon starts to zone out so he shoves you off and quite pathetically, you fall flat on your back.

“You didn’t shave,” Leon notes in distaste, he was going to do you a favour too.

“No— Not for you.” You squirm like a fish on the docks when he hovers over you.

“Not for me, right.”

“Anyone but you.”

“You're not gonna do it for anyone, sweetheart, know why?” Leon clicks his tongue when you dodge his kiss, twisting your neck to keep a distance.

“Why?”

“No one else wants you,” he states, “you’re lucky that I want you.”

“Well, that’s not true.” You’re stubborn amongst all your other undesirable traits.

Leon scoffs. “What, so you ever had a boyfriend?” He runs his index finger along your slit. Bone dry. Serious? He assumes you’re still sore from yesterday.

“That’s none of your fucking business.”

“Don’t get mad at me, honey, I’m just helping you out.” Leon spits on your pussy, then on his thick cock for good measure, jerks his shaft and presses a thumb to his tip to guide it into you. Your lips fold inwards around him as he breaches your tiny hole. There’s too much resistance for it to be a smooth sailing journey, and you’re new to cock, cunt pushing him out as your body tenses. “I’m being nice to you, so you should say thank you.”

“Oh, god,” you mutter, brows knit in what might be pain or pleasure.

“Yeah, that’s what you’re calling me now?” The look you give him is priceless, small hands settling on his chest as you push at him weakly. “No, baby, you don’t get to do that.” Leon bottoms out, he rolls his hips forward to grind the head of his dick into your cervix, the fleshly opening moulds to his tip and you cry out. He can never tell if you’re enjoying it.

Leon sticks his fingers in your mouth to coat them in spit, you retch and he rubs figure eights on your clit, only then does your cunt loosen up its hold on him. It’s a quick process, the quicker he rubs you raw, the wetter you get, biting down on your tongue to keep quiet, but low groans slip past your cracked lips.

“Oh, there we go, baby, that’s it,” Leon coos, his cock slicked up by your wet pussy, sliding in and out with ease. His hips snap forward, forcing himself deeper into your messy little pussy, so wet you’re dripping down his balls, wetness stuck to your inner thighs.

“Fuck— I can’t, I can’t do it, ‘s too big,” you whimper, a hand slipping between your bodies to lay on your stomach. What you don’t understand is that he is big, yeah, but your pussy just needs to be broken in. Like a new pair of shoes.

“You’re doing it, baby,” Leon says, ‘cause you are doing it. You’re taking it. Body going rigid with each brutal thrust into your sopping wet hole. Whether you can take it or not isn’t for you to decide anyway. “I’m going to stuff your little pussy full,” he tells you.

“No,” you choke out, scratching at his chest, nails too blunt to do any sort of damage. Thank fuck. His girlfriend would go nuts.

It’s a satisfying victory, he covers your mouth to concentrate all his energy into this creampie, fills you to the brim, seed thick enough to stick to your insides. The original aim of his ‘experiment’ is forgotten, Leon doesn’t care if you cum or cry or pass out on his dick.

“I’m tellin’ her when she comes home.” Your threat is weak. He feared the consequences of yesterday, but you said nothing.

“You’re not telling her, you like me too much,” Leon decides, “I know you do, baby.”

“I don’t like you at all.” Your bottom lip trembles, fists balled up by your sides. The contempt only turns him on.

“No, but I think you know I’m right, don’t you?” No one else wants you, and you know that. Leon knows you know that. He’s the only one that is ever going to fuck you.

“Right about what? You’re a fucking psycho— I could get you locked up, I should get you locked up.”

“You should, so what're you waiting for?” If you did report him, Leon would just kill himself, going to prison sounds like a bore. “I think, sweetheart, that secretly, you really like it when I rape you.”

And your silence proves him right.

That report never comes. Duh. You love his dick. You like being roughed up. You know you’re deserving of it. Jesus Christ, Leon needs to call his shrink. Honestly, being around you is hard. It’s like his guilty conscience has developed a human body, shambling around the apartment in the shape of a malformed ghost girl, reminding him of the shit he’s said and done to you. You’re spinning in his necrosed brain like one of those music box ballerinas.

“Leon, be a doll and do me up,” his girlfriend is facing away from him, the smooth skin of her back and shoulders bared to him.

Leon only hears the ‘do me’ part, kissing the nape of her neck, reaching round to grab at her fat tits. “I love you…”

“I love you too, baby, but what do you think you’re doing?”

Leon makes a motion with his fingers, she sees it in the mirror.

“What is that, sign language?”

“No, I want to finger you.”

“Oh, well, that’s lovely, baby, but it’s not the time for that. I asked you to zip me up, Leon.” He zips her up while wondering how she can be so unaffected by him being so stupid.

“Hey, are you ready to go?” You knock on the door, you keep hiding your face from him today. His girlfriend said it’s ‘cause you have makeup on. Apparently that changes things. It’s sort of cute. Like, are you shy? You should be shy.

“Oh, no one likes cliffhangers, honey,” she says, forcing you to swap out some open-toe sandals for a pair of her heels. “Okay, Leon, I’ve left your dinner in the fridge, yes?”

Yes, mommy. “Yeah, babe.”

“And there’s snacks in the cupboard now, oh, and don’t use the tap water, it tastes strange so I stocked up— Leon, will you stop doing that with your jaw?”

Sorry, mommy. “Sorry, babe.”

“He’s totally fucking gurning,” you inform her in a way that screams playground snitch. He’ll choke you out for that.

“Gurning, what’s that?” His girlfriend asks cluelessly. This bitch is in her early thirties, Leon has no idea why she acts fifty. Whatever, it’s hot, he gets a girl with all the traits of an older lady without the sagging.

“Like, y’know, ‘cause he’s on meds.” What a little shit. Is this you getting back at him? Some petty fucking act of revenge? Getting his medication taken away from him by his health freak girlfriend?

“Medication? I didn’t know about this, Leon.” She looks at him like he’s killed her mother. Or raped her sister. If only she knew.

“Yeah, for my back, my back hurts, babe— Th-That’s why I’m on leave. My back hurts.” What a compelling act. Totally not a dude that’s two minutes away from injecting black tar heroin.

“Who prescribed them, a doctor or a vet?” You cock your head to the side. Fine. You fucking got him.

“Same thing.” Leon shrugs.

She makes him empty the bedside desk of pills. “Leon, good boys don’t do this. We don’t take drugs in this household, let me take them off your hands.”

“They’re- Babe, they’re not drugs, they’re for my back— I hurt my back.” Granted, his back stopped aching a few days back, he’s just taking advantage of the break. Also, he’s not a child.

“Your back, honey, I know it hurts.” She waves him off. “We can fix it, huh? I can book you in for acupuncture or cupping— Oh, what about a chiropractor?”

“Fine,” Leon says, voice cracking, watching in devastation as she takes his pills in a black garbage bag.

“Bye, Leon, see you later, honey.” She blows him a kiss and he catches it. He has to catch it.

“Yeah, bye, Leon!” You wave at him, looking happier than you have in days.

The door opens an hour later and Leon takes his hand out of his pants. You stand in front of him with red eyes and messy makeup. Leon, being the gentleman he is, takes you into his arms and rubs your back to soothe you as he tells you, more than a little cruel, I fucking told you so.

At least now you know that some guys aren’t as nice as Leon. Some men will spit in your face without considering how tight your pussy is, they won’t even think about how good your tits look in that push-up bra. See? That’s what the real world is like.

The bath fills as he bends you over the sofa. You’re prettier from behind, dress hiked up, soaked panties around your ankles. His hand smooths down the front of your stomach to cup your puffy cunt, prodding at your swollen clit. You shaved. Funny. Thought you were going to get a dick that wasn’t his.

Leon kneels, he spreads your ass cheeks to lick into your pussy from behind, tongue lapping up the beads of arousal that dribble down the seam of your cunt like sticky honey. He laps at your hole and you arch your back to push into him, his tongue fucking your pussy so well, sloppy sounds fill his ears.

“Been wanting to do this,” Leon says into your cunt, tongue making its way back up the centrefold of your fat pussy, he blows spit bubbles on your clit and then he nips at it until you cry out, startled by the jolt of pain. His dick kicks in his sweats. You taste good to make up for that face of yours.

You cream in his mouth so sweetly, toes curling against the wooden floor. Leon wipes his mouth on his forearm, then he wraps it around your neck, pulling your body flush to his. In his chest, his heart flutters when you press a delicate kiss to his bicep. He feels it and you can’t unfeel that.

“I’m sorry, Leon,” you get out through shaky moans as he sandwiches his shaft between your chubby pussy lips, bumping the tip into your clit as his hips move back and forth. “I’m sorry… Didn’t know-“

“It’s okay, baby.” He kisses behind your ear. “It’s alright ‘cause you know now, huh?”

“Yeah,” you agree tearfully, tilting your head so it rests on his broad chest, he gives your pout some wet kisses.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, hm, baby?” Leon nudges you with his nose.

Your idea of cleaning up might be far from what Leon’s is. He doesn’t think you were expecting something so extreme. But it’s for thinking you’re worth something— For thinking that anyone else would do as little as touch you. It’s to wash off that pitiful attempt at makeup.

He bends you in half over the tub. Your tits hang low enough to be squashed against the edge painfully as Leon dunks your head into lukewarm water. Holy shit. Tomorrow will be the day he overdoses. Why is he doing this?

A strangled noise passes your lips as he lets up, and you re-emerge, Leon wipes a hand over your face to rid you of the streaky mascara and sticky gloss.

“There we go, sweetheart, nice and clean.” He presses the tip into your leaking cunt, it catches on your hole, and you flail, water spilling over the edge, surface tension broken as it ripples.

Honest to god, Leon hasn’t fucked a pussy tighter than yours, and when he holds you beneath the surface? Man, you might deglove his dick. He works his cock into you, and when he’s balls deep in your sloppy cunt, Leon allows you to lift your head to which you pant and gasp and cough. All the shit a drowning person does when they’re tossed a lifesaver.

Your body sags, hanging limp with only Leon to hold you up as he roughly fucks in and out of your poor hole, heavy balls slapping against your skin.

“I love you, Leon,” you tell him, rubbing at your stinging nose with your fist, pussy tightening when he pinches your throbbing clit.

“Aw, do you, baby? You love me?” Leon laughs, the mean smile on his face hidden in your shoulder, “That’s so cute.” He rocks back and forth, shallow thrusts that are more for him than they are for you, rabbiting his dick into your squelching pussy until his balls pulse and his shaft twitches inside of you. “Real— Real fuckin’ cute,” he grits out as he buries himself to the hilt, shooting his load in your willing little pussy.

“I think so,” you whimper, thighs trembling as the knot in your stomach snaps and you coat his cock in your slick. Hey, his dick isn't a problem then.

Leon thinks about calling his shrink. The bad shit he does won’t fix itself like he wants. “Clean up,” he tells you, looking at the wet ground. The soaked rug. Your face.

“What… Leon, where are you going?” You use your palms to mop the excess water from your face. “Seriously, Leon? I just… I told you that…”

He has things to do - Leon’s going to call his shrink and very promptly throw himself over the balcony when she doesn’t answer his call.

[avengersobsession]

Soooo…I just read The Goblin Emperor, if you were wondering what the influx of fanart reblogs was. It was SO GOOD. Truly, I don’t think I’ve devoured and loved a book like that since His Majesty’s Dragon, and that was 17 years ago. It was one of those “I cannot put this down” and “stop reading so fast because it will be OVER nooooooo” books, I had to pace myself so I could balance that. The prose is rich and gorgeous; I am always going on about how many first person books, particularly those with a young protagonist, are robbed of the rich language that can be had when using a third-person view, in which the narrator can be its own wry/wondrous/perceptive/etc. commentator. In this case the third-person view is a tight one on the protagonist, whose language is already meaty, but the once-removed (and delightfully sympathetic) observation still makes for an elevated experience.

Without spoilers, it isn’t just the likability of the protagonist or the beautiful world building and naming conventions, it’s the wonderfully slow pace. Right away you want to know every new moment that awaits this character to see how he experiences and negotiates it, without skipping over anything. At the quarter mark in this very grand-scope book, I think something like only 4 days have elapsed, and you still WANT to see every minute.

I’m grieving that it’s done! I’m going to have to reread it right away, especially because I just discovered the two books that followed it are NOT part of a conventional trilogy, as I’d expected, but are set in the same universe. (I’ll read them, of course, but that was the most distressing disappointment.) There’s still so much about this character to tell; I’m aching for more.

[kurisus]

So you love noragami we all love it any reading recs of things like it? Or that you just like?

YES!!!!!

So I have to preface this by saying there's nothing quite like Noragami. And there is nothing wrong with rereading Noragami over and over. But I still have a lot of recs that give Vibes or in general make me Feel Emotions, so here's a non-exhaustive list.

Anime/Manga:

Fruits Basket by Natsuki Takaya. I've been saying for years that Fruits Basket is Noragami if it was a shoujo. It deals with the same cycles of abuse and an outsider who tries to break them with pure compassion that Noragami does, although it's much more of a drama than a fantasy. Just watch it and think of Yato as the Zodiac cat. I rest my case.

Fullmetal Alchemist (Fullmetal Alchemist) by Hiromu Arakawa. Chances are you've read or seen this already but it's objectively a masterpiece by any standard you care to use. Whether you like shounen fights, deeply emotional interpersonal relationships, political dramas about war and revolution, fantasy based on Greek myth, or anything else, FMA balances them all perfectly (another thing it has in common with Noragami). I love it so much.

Code Geass. This may seem like a wildcard pick but I rewatched Code Geass a few years ago and realized there are a lot of shared elements (like, Suzaku and Kazuma are the same guy). I may be delusional but it's hands down one of the most insane anime I've ever seen, in a good way. Like how FMA and Noragami balance a bunch of genres, Code Geass is a mecha action anime, a school slice of life, a political drama, and a Shakespearean tragedy all at the same time.

Chainsaw Man by Tatsuki Fujimoto. Again this may be one you're familiar with, but after I caught up on Part 1 of the manga I was so deeply wounded I had to start thinking about Noragami again (which is a worse idea). Chainsaw Man is much more of a Shounen™ than Noragami is, and I still maintain that the saddest parts of Chainsaw Man are like happier Noragami chapters, but it's a very good story and one that also has a lonely, cast-out protagonist who craves human affection but has no idea how to get it (and when he does, it's ripped away from him).

Durarara by Ryohgo Narita. In the anime adaptation, pretty much the entire voice cast is shared between it and Noragami (in the Japanese dub). It is a very weird story about a lot of weird people who are competing to be The Most Normal Person In Ikebukuro, a task which they all fail at spectacularly. It doesn't have much in common with Noragami aside from the voice cast but I love it so I recommend giving it a watch (or reading the light novels if you're feeling adventurous).

Link Click. This is a donghua (Chinese anime) about time travel and it steadily drives me more insane the longer I think about it. The three main characters have such lovely relationships with each other and the emotions go OUCH every time. It's a little harder to pinpoint the connection with Noragami here, but it is a story about the things people will do for love. The writing is crazy good especially considering it's not based on a novel or comic; I haven't seen an anime-original with writing this good since Code Geass.

Not a specific anime but the other week I thought about, what if Yuki Kajiura had been the composer for Noragami? Her style suits its aesthetic so well so now whenever I watch something she wrote for, I yearn.

Books:

The Locked Tomb by Tamsyn Muir. If you've looked at my blog at all in the last 2 years you'll know I am very sane over this book series. I actually made a Venn diagram comparing it to Noragami a while back, but the gist of it is that they deal with a lot of similar themes such as love, death, and the curse of immortality. It also has soooo many messy and complicated relationships and twists that leave your jaw on the floor. You can also use the worldbuilding to put your blorbos into and it's very fun for giving yourself Thoughts. For example I've done it both ways by putting the Noragami characters into the TLT universe and the TLT characters into the Noragami universe. Both are very painful.

Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint by Sing-shong. I'm not done reading this yet (about 2/3 through), but the further I get the more I realize it's about all kinds of love, the same way Noragami is. The narrator forms a "party" of people in the apocalypse, and they go through life-or-death scenarios together, and the way they grow to love and care for each other is so natural and feels so earned whenever it pays off. If you want romantic relationships, queerplatonic relationships, parent/child relationships, or any other type of relationship, ORV has it. There is also a webtoon adaptation but I'm reading the novel because it's completed; the webtoon will take many more years to get there.

Miscellaneous:

The Adventure Zone: Balance. This is a DND real-play podcast and it doesn't really have anything in common with Noragami but, like Noragami, it made me feel every possible human emotion, so I recommend it. It has a slow start but it grows into something so beautiful and creative and by the end of it I was sobbing in my car. Listen to it if you can, or at least listen to the music (it gets music later on and all of it is soooo good).

Okami. This is a video game heavily inspired by Legend of Zelda and much like Noragami it's a retelling of Japanese mythology, so the storyline will def have some familiar elements. I recommend playing it for yourself (it's available on Steam for PC and pretty much every other platform you can name), but a playthrough would be good too. It's nearly 20 years old and has withstood the test of time because the creators decided to make it look like a classic Japanese painting come to life, and the gameplay involves drawing, so it's very artsy and fun (although the controls are really weird).

Thanks for the ask! Hopefully you found something new, and I'll be sure to share if I find anything new to add to this list because I am always on the prowl for Noragami-adjacent things ❤

[jeanmoreaux]

top 9 books

tagged forever ago by @doctorsrose & @rosesau (🫶🫶🫶)

tagging: @lvnchs | @permanentreverie | @tolerateit | @speaknowtv | @henwilsons | @newtmsa | @greenribon | @brimay | @hollyfhumberstone | @tbosas | @alinastarkovz (ofc no pressure <3 would love to hear about your fav books in whatever way you wanna share and if you don't then that's okay too!)

rules: list your top 9 books obviously. like the people before me and probably most people who did this i cheated and put series or several books by the same author as one thing bc rules are made for breaking <3 this is very much both an 'off the top of my head' as well as a 'laboured over this for hours' kind of list that's heavily biased to the present moment.

(1.) all for the game by nora sakavic; i don't even know what to say about this. either you read it and Get why this is on my list or you Don't. and if you haven't read it this is not a recommendation btw. this is just me saying these books did irreparable damage to my developing teenage brain. hit me like no other series probably ever will again because i read this at the Right Time while being the exact right amount of Insane. and just like seed mentioned in her list if you want to know Me and Understand Me then you need to know this series. i am sure there are traces of it in my dna by now.

(2.) the raven cycle by maggie stiefvater; same goes for this one tbh. if you want to know Me and Understand Me then you need to know this series. another instance of Right Time and Right Me. these books burrowed themselves deep into my bones and became a part of my dna. they shaped soo much of my taste in prose, storytelling techniques, tropes, and dynamics. this story and these characters took me apart and put me back together again but rearranged some essential parts inside of me. much like with aftg, i came out of this series irreversibly changed and drenched in blood final girl style.

(3.) frankenstein by mary shelley; a beautifully written story with soooo much room for whatever literary lens you want to apply to it. i know i answered an ask once where i talked about my love for this book in detail but i can't find it. but i found this rant on frankenstein and the creature. i think a lot of my love for this story comes from the fact that i had the chance to work closely with the text several times. but also it's just a heart-wrenching tale about how we define humanity and how love is essential nourishment for the soul. it reminds me of that one quote from the good place: "people improve when they get external love and support. how can we hold it against them when they don’t?" because frankenstein basically answers the question what happens when someone gives you a life you didn't ask for and then opts out of any (emotional) responsibility and leaves you desolate and utterly forsaken.

(4.) the green bone saga by fonda lee; an epic family saga i still think about A Lot. kinda succession without logan but make it fantasy mafia. sibling relationships are a big part of this story too. which if you know me. big fan of that. it's also a series that grows in scope (world building wise) and keeps adding complexity So Naturally it's impressive. amazing storytelling craft at work fr. definitely an underhyped series in my opinion.

(5.) the sword of kaigen by m.l. wang; another fantasy story focusing on family dynamics but also functioning as a character study. it's a self-published work and it shows in the BEST way. there's just something about it that makes me insane one a storytelling level because it breaks so many conventions and you either hate that or love that but no matter your opinion on it i think it's undeniable that this book has some of the best character work written in recent years. i desperately need to reread.

(6.) on earth we’re briefly gorgeous by ocean vuong; another book that fucked me up with its beautiful prose and incredibly gut-wrenching emotional honesty. it really feels like you're reading about someone ripping out the most vulnerable and messed up and complex parts of their soul and laying them bare for you to see expecting nothing but acknowledgement in return. and while my own lived experience is nothing close to ocean vuong's the emotional core of this book rings so true. also i just have to say it again. the prose fucks severely.

(7.) the grisha trilogy & the six of crows duology by leigh bardugo; another (two) series i read in my teens that shaped my taste to a drastic degree. the crows are just forever ingrained in my brain. alina's story will forever fuck me up. you all know. you all understand. w're not getting into it. i think the fact that tgt is so misunderstood and undervalued just makes me love it more. because if you get it. damn. devastating. if you don't. so sorry for you because you're missing out.

(8.) the song of achilles & circe by madeline miller; tbh both of these retellings did something to my brain. you all know these i don't have to elaborate. it's very typical queer of me to fawn over anything to do with greek mythology and retellings but. these two just HIT different. also, the prose? makes me a little insane.

(9.) giovanni’s room by james baldwin; this book has some of the most insane prose i have ever read. baldwin's grasp on language is uncanny fr. every other sentence packs a punch in one way or another. he manages to capture some aspects of the queer (specifically the bi) experience in a way that felt so familiar to me and put words to so many of my internal experiences. it's about the self and identity and being lost and refusing to let yourself be found. it's also about human connections and how you'll wither when you deny yourself to open up to the people closest to you. it's about so many things without being about one think in particular. like all the other books on this list, love and belonging are at the core of it, but in a very distorted way. i don't think you can really understand unless you've read it. it's So Good.

honorable mentions; emma by jane austen (cunty women RULE), wuthering heights by emily brontë (severely fucked up in the most entertaining way. that's how you write drama.) east of eden by john steinbeck (cain and abel shit and deranged women? sign me up), these violent delights by micah nemerever (be gay do crime in the most mentally ill way possible), if we were villains (love it when characters haunt a narrative. also definitely a book about the gay sex that is not happening), women in love by d.h. lawrence (still currently making my way through this one but it's so deliciously messed up and queer i am almost certain it will leave a permanent mark)

[wtfuckevenknows]

Top 9 Books

thanks for the tag and the crisis @liminalmemories21... I'm cheating because of course I am 🙈

Y'all knew there would be pictures, right?! I do live my life in pictures (theres a reason I studied photography) after all 🤷🏻‍♀️

Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston

Obviously....

2. A Good Girl's Guide to Murder by Holly Jackson

I've read the whole trilogy but this is by far my favorite (isn't the first one always the best?). Every now and then I need a break from all the romance and then I'll pick up a ya thriller or whatever and this was the perfect quarantine read tbh.

3. Me Before You by Jojo Moyes

Used to be my favorite book until rwrb came along. Also didn't hate the movie...

4. P.S. I Love You by Cecelia Ahern

Unlike here, where the movie kinda ruined the book for me. Read it like 5 times, bawled my eyes out every time and haven't read it since I watched the movie (which also means I've never read it in English). It's on my list actually, to get over the trauma and to finally read it in its original version.

5. Off Campus Series by Elle Kennedy

It's hockey... Do I need to say more?! Some of the best book boyfriends are found in these books 💖

6. The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

I read this in my lunch breaks at work years and years ago and I bawled my eyes out so much that even the kids asked me if I was okay. 🤣 Haven't read it since but loved it very much!!!

7. hush hush by Becca Fitzpatrick

Once again and the first and best book of a trilogy. The only book of my fantasy phase that I would still read again today.

8. What If It's Us by Becky Albertalli & Adam Silvera

I loved the first one so much and I was sooooo disappointed by the beginning of the second one I still haven't finished it.

9. Rules for Being a Girl by Candace Bushnell and Katie Cotugno

Such a powerful book. Just read it. I yelled at everyone I knew to read it after I finished. 😂

There could be soooo many more books on this list 😩 I'll just leave you my Goodreads, where you can check out all my 5 Star books if you want to 🙃

Now (don't kill me Lim)...

Gossip Girl by Cecily von Ziegesar

Don't ask how many times I used to read them as a teenager...

Harry Potter

I know, believe me I know! But 7 year old me didn't know and has fond memories of her mom reading to her before bed, before she started reading it herself from Book 3, Book 5 came out while I was hospitalized and I read it in a day... (I own them in English but I've never read them in English 😬)

My three absolute favorite books as a kid/pre-teen:

Flight of the Albatross Der Gesang der Orcas Der Wunschplanet

Honorable mention to these three cook books because I love them very very very much and use them (or recipes from their websites) often!!!

I'm gonna shut up now 😂

No pressure tagging @heartstringsduet @strandnreyes @beautifulhigh @three-drink-amy :)))

[fleurfay]

Writeblr Intro (cuz i forgot about this)

AYUP everyone my name's Fleur, i'm a 19 years old woman, im cishet and painfully neurodivergent (AuDHD and MADD). Im also brazilian and christian so there's that! (Trilingual beast coming at ya!)

I've been a writer since who knows when, started to write fanfiction in the worst fandom i could've started (...the beatles), went to an amazing fandom -that turned out to not be that amazing but my writing and storytelling evolved exponentially so im grateful- to now being more focused in original works

I'm currently writing a book with my friend (@serenity-of-waffles)*, an original story all in portuguese - mother language inbound - and i might probably work in scripts for comics, animations and maybe games????? Let's see-

yeah im an artist too hehehe

Genres i enjoy reading/writing: Fantasy, Scifi, Romance, Thriller/Suspense, Horror, Slice of Life, Supernatural

Here comes the lists of things i like to see in a book and that i tend to write it in my own stuff:

FOUND FAMILY!

A good well written romance sometimes doesn't kill ^.^ (im a cliché beast, careful)

Tragic Backstory? Sign me in

NEURODIVERSITY

Supernatural ocurrences and creatures. Analog Horror, Psychological Horror as well

Super heroes? Yes

Mythological metaphores

I write for both Youth and Adult (im a sucker for children's books they can get so dark suddenly and is amazing)

Mystery elements yesyesyes a good suspense

Deep relationships

Consequences. I love consequences.

Historical plots and period inspired fiction

Super powers, creatures, magic, a whole well made worldbuilding (Tolkien wannabe)

SOOOO what am i looking for??

FRIENDS! People to rant about my silly stories and worlds!

More writers to follow and engage and and- ykwim

Current WIPS? hmmmmm

• A Flake of Rouse - A story (in brazilian-portuguese sorry fellas) about the idea of "what if the monarchy in Brazil never ended in 1889?". A narrative about folklorical creatures, fantasy and magic, inspirations on steampunk and art-deco, 19th/beginning of 20th century at its best, the pure juice of Brazilian culture and history. (Fun fact: I names this fictional era Isabelian Age, inspired by the Victorian Age-) A grand adventure following the native descendant girl called Aurora and her journey to save the country against evil forces and hidden enemies of the crown and the empire. • Eden Fables: The Inkweaver's Diary - (*NOT WRITING ALONE) So this one i won't give much detail, just know that me and my friends we're going absolutely insane over this book and the entire possible series and is our child, you're not fucking ready. The best fantasy book i ever written in my life TRUST ME. Blame Tolkien and C.S Lewis for inspiring us so much- (sorry for the vague synopsis muahahahah) A story of a boy displaced in time and space as he finds his heart and returns to his throne, finding a family along the way while dealing with the craziest adventures.

• MaxSeven - This one is my new story, a space opera retro-scifi with retro-cyberpunk and internet aesthetics elements. Very inspired by Star Wars, Akira, Dune, Evangelion, Pacific Rim, Megaman, etc Seven is an android forgotten on a dumpster, with a mysterious story lost long ago in his driver. Till one day a bratty engineer called Maxivo finds him and decides to fix him, an act that turns him into a target against the Order of Ômega. What will this friendship that's about to blossom create in this galaxy imbued in chaos? We might discover soon.

OOF DAMMT I SPOKE A LOT HUH SORRY IM A TALKER! Hope to find more writer friends along the way ^.^

[siriuslytproblem28]

time has come. i finished crimson rivers.

this is gonna be a long one, and i don't mind if I'm the only one who's getting to its end, I'm writing this for me.

the thing is, i started reading it not being able to conceive just how devastatingly beautiful it is, everything about it. i saw people on tiktok freaking out, and the fact that it's a thg AU really caught me off guard, I'm a huge fan of the books and the movies, ever since i was a child (about 9 years ago) and I'm fairly new with jegulus (i only read like half of choices and some other tiny fics) but i don't know how to explain just how this masterpiece got me tight on a chockehold.

but then, it came to me, in the last chapter.

It's about hope. yeah it's s about growth too but that only comes with hope. everything around this is hope. i get it now.

in a way, i feel like I've grown with it too. i surely hoped to. it's different than anything I've ever read. not only cause it merges some of my favorite characters, stories and scenarios, or because it's sad and angsty and I'm dramatic, or because everyone was reading. it was because of that as much as it wasn't.

usually when i read these things i wish for them to never end. i go at my own pace since they're usually finished for months or even years and i take my time, stretching it as far as it goes, binging when i feel like, and it becomes an experience, my experience, playing with time and spending every day with the characters until i wake up and go to sleep thinking about them and pray not to find spoilers on the internet. I'd strech and stretch cause I've never been good at goodbyes, always hate them, the reversible and the irrevocable, but this time... it's weird...

i could read anything by zar and LOVE it no matter how long, I'd drink the words until i choked and spit them out just in time to take another mouthful. I'd swallow some, too. like poison, like tea.

but it made sense that this had to come to an end. not cause it's set in over 3000 pages, i didn't realize it was long as i was reading it, as a long time fic reader, i guess i was just used to read and read endlessly, how it seemed at the time. but this, i understood, i could see it coming to an end and i was at peace with it, i got it, and i was even happy for it, not to get rid of it, I'll miss this forever and might reread it in a low point in my life to give me comfort (yeah i know loll but towards the end there's comfort ok?)

but it made me have a better relationship with endings and change in general.

I've been known to dwel. on people, on things, on the past, on stories, anything. i cling to things as long as there's a tip to grip and i struggle to let go. to make peace with endings. crimson rivers came at first like a continuation to my habits, fitting perfectly in the angsty, sad story I'm so passionate about. brutal, cruel and awful, destroying me internally, with things i would relate to and the things i wouldn't. as closer to its end as it came, it became the antithesis. i understand why it had to end, i even agree, of course I'd read 75 more chapters but i don't feel the need to as much as i don't feel the need to know every detail about reggie and James's wedding.

I'm usually atractted by unsaid things, whispered kisses, silent words hung above those who kept their mouth shut when they shouldn't have, when speaking up would gain them time, precious and non conforming time.

but in cr the unsaid is said in so many ways, it's sang and screamed and still i found crevices between the realm of real and inagined words to foster my own thoughts and interpretations on the characters, on the story itself. i found myself bookmarking soooo many scenes and wanting line after line engraved in my mind, tattooed in my bones.

it's the most beautiful story I've ever read and i realized in the last chapter that it's about hope. right during regulus' dream, when evan says "is it not good enough that it has been you?" referring to regulus projecting evan in his dreams to counseling him, while all evan ever said to him might just have been regulus saying to himself. and then i was like "oh".

it was always about hope for me. regulus hoping james would see him, notice him, regulus hoping his name wouldn't be called, james and reggie hoping sirius would survive, regulus hoping to have his brother back, james hoping sirius would overcome his addiction and his trauma after the arena, james hoping he could ever have a chance with reggie, sirius hoping to be close to regulus again, and much later, hope for their love, the three of them, sirius building a bookshelf because he hoped james and regulus would eventually make it, james giving reggie his flowers hoping to make his day better, Reggie getting the flowers hoping someday he would invite james in...

i saw myself in regulus so much, that for the first time it really hit me how much i kin him, and i saw myself in james too, which is new to me, but only in a sense of being absolutely in love with someone and thinking they would never want you back, except for me they won't. but to love with such devotion, such hunger, i feel that, it connected me with this james in such a strong way, as i too would take anything this person would give me, the good and the bad.

i don't wanna spent too much time on more technical things like the world building, narrative, politics etc because i think we can all agree that it was perfectly done, full of complexity when it needed. i wanna focus in what i felt.

i love wolfstar here, i think it's the most healthy I've ever seen them, despite everything they went through. and I'm not saying this as the type of person who doesn't like atyd wolfstar because they're "toxic", i love atyd exactly for being so realistic in a sense that they're both traumatized kids in the 70's. of course they don't deal with shit the way we would know how to deal a little better now. i just think that they journey it's so beautiful, and it's about hope to, hope to have 5 more minutes together, hope to see them the next day, and eventually, every year, taking all they could ever get even if it meant only seeing each other once a year. and they eneded up with everything they deserved. a home and a family to fill it up with. it just makes me soooo fucking emotional.

I'm trying to close things here so this doesn't become like a huuuuge post, so i wanna state that I'm amazed at the character development throughout the fic, especial when it comes to their traumas and such. like, reggie coming from such deep denial towards his love for james, up to the point he thought he could kill him, to admiting his love eventually, to be willing to step in a crimson river to die a horrible death to save him, to admiting his love in his own ways, to propose without james even noticing HELPPP, to literally having the 4 kids he wanted ever since he was a kid. him being able to let evan go too, honoring barty with the forge, mending his relationship with Sirius omgg thatt

i love how the story isn't just about the couples, the romantic love, i adore family dynamics, and sirius and reggie here, omggg they made me cry soo fuckinh much... i find sibling relationships so interesting maybe cause i spent 13 years being an only child, and now i have a 6 year old half sister who doesn't live with me, so i don't get to see her daily and we have the age difference. so like, i know we won't have the same dynamic as siblings living together or closer in age, and honestly i sometimes get scared we won't be close, or that i don't know how to be a big sister cause i still haven't had too much experience at it. but i also feel this need of protection towards her, especially cause she lives with my dad, which is... not a good person to be around, to put it bluntly. and i want her to have me as someone she can trust, i want to help her having to endure my dad and i want her to grow up in a better, healthier way than i did. so yeah, i relate to sirius and Reggie's story here as much as i don't...

and sirius and james friendship>>>>>>>> I've been a sirius kinnie ever since i got into the marauders fandom in 2020, and i have a james in my life, so their bond is really special to me, quite the embodiment if sunshine

remus here as well>>>>>>>>

i know i focused mainly on sirius, reggie and james but honestly i could spent days writing only about those three so i really can't be mentioning everyone else, I'll just say that i don't think any fic made me fall in love with as much characters as this one, even those i didn't know or didn't have their image clear in my mind from canon/other fics.

to close things up, i love how the narrative circles around itself, in the last few chapters things comes full circle, like reggie thanking Sirius for volunteering for him, which was the very core of regulus anger and guilt, so it shows how much he's grown, also when he says to aberforth that "my brother's responsible for his actions as i am for mine" or something, so finally seeing that he isn't responsible for everything bad in sirius life; sirius learning to have a healthy relationship with sex and his desire, remus and lilly making their way back to each other, two hearts beating, one person, james fucking knife kink FINALLY my boy had his way, i found it sooo cute and funny that reggie was trying to "protect" him hiding the daggers LMAOOO, sirius building again, james releasing the horcrux hornet into nature again after so many years, THE FUCKING "YOU'RE HESITATING LOVE" 😫😫😫😫😫 i swear, i thought this fic would be the death of me but it might've just saved my life...

like all the metaphors, all the elements that appear throughout the story to bear meaning and to signify something important, it enriches it soo much, james' flowers, the tree, regulus climbing and growing, the blood and the crimson river, the knitted hat, the snow, the rain, the fire, the fireplace, the bookshelf, the moon, the stars, ughhhh i swear to gooooooooooodddddddd the worst and best parallel, aberforth and albus are what regulus and sirius might've turned into. i am devasted by this, so i won't comment on it. for now.

i think this is it. I'll be forever grateful to zar for writing this masterpiece that changed and saved my life, and consumed it, filling my mind ever since october, and for getting to finish now with everyone. i swear i wanna print and bind this just to have it phisically.

I'll be making a playlist for cr and listen to it every time i miss it ❤️ this was a beautiful jorney, but I'm at peace with it ending now. thank you, zar, i will proceed to rear every other fanfic you wrote and will write.

[brilla-brilla-estrellita]

15 Question, 15 People

Thanks for the tag @martsonmars ! I love this kind of stuff. But first…

Fifteen people??? Ok. I can do this. I tried to do a quick check to see if any of you have done it already, but I also didn’t try too hard: @ic3-que3n @onepintobean @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @thewholelemon @alexalexinii @palimpsessed @skeedelvee @youarenevertooold @agni-ashes @cutestkilla @iamamythologicalcreature @ileadacharmedlife @bookish-bogwitch @theimpossibledemon @whogaveyoupermission

1. Are you named after anyone?

Nope! My mom wanted a name that sounded good in both English and Spanish. She looked at a map for inspiration and saw the Sierra Madre Occidental range in Mexico and the Sierra Nevada range in California and went "aha!"

Sierra has never been a super popular name, at least not spelled my way, and she'd never heard it before, so it was perfect! Imagine her dismay when a few years later we discovered another Sierra, one year older, living a couple streets over in our tiny neighborhood. I also went to high school with one other Sierra. The mid-nineties was "Sierra's" time to shine, apparently.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday

3. Do you have kids?

Nope

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I’ve recently realized I don’t use it as often as I think I do, but I think it’s still pretty often.

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

I think it’s their expression, particularly if they are smiling or not. If they are, what kind of smile is it? Is it telling me they don’t want to be here/don’t want to be talking to me? If they aren’t, do they look upset/frustrated or just busy or distracted?

6. What’s your eye color?

I think I’ve settled on grey. It changes drastically depending on what I’m wearing. Sometimes I look and they’re super blue. Other times I’m like wow those are so obviously green. Most of the time I’m like “wtf is this color?” My mom used to say they were “blue, like the ocean,” but I think we need to specify that it’s the ocean during a storm. A little grey, a little green, a little blue. Depends on which ocean and which storm.

7. Scary movie or happy endings?

Happy endings! I like some scary movies, but really I’m all about a happy ending.

8. Any special talents?

Ummmmm…. Mr. Brilla says my special talent is dropping stuff I had a solid hold on a second ago.

9. Where were you born?

Texas

10. What are your hobbies?

I’m a hobby collector. I try stuff and drop them all the time. I lean toward crafty or creative hobbies, like embroidery and cross stitch, sewing, drawing, writing, painting minis. I also love to dance (social and ballroom— partner dances) and sing (by myself in the car/shower…), and read.

11. Do you have any pets?

A chihuahua mix (mostly chihuahua) named Dulce!

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

I played soccer for 2 seasons when I was 7 because I liked being on a team and wearing a uniform, but I hated practice and games and, you know, playing soccer. I also tried gymnastics for a day and cried. I’ve never been a sports kid.

I do social dancing now, which still ain’t competitive, but it could be, ya know?

13. How tall are you?

5’2”

14. Favorite subject at school?

(American) schools try really hard to make interesting stuff really boring and hard. I think my favorite was Spanish because I already knew quite a bit and already loved the language and was very good at it from the start. It was easy and I got to learn more about something I already loved.

If school were better, I would have loved more subjects because I love learning, in general. I find history and social studies and cultural studies all absolutely fascinating. I also find sciences really interesting, as well, but the classes were so rough in school that they were never a favorite subject. Math had its moments, too, but again… not always the greatest teachers or curriculum. I love reading and was very good at essays, so English/lit were ok, but the books were soooo hit or miss for me.

15. Dream job?

My dream job would be part-time teaching a high school Computer Science class (and would throw in Spanish I, too!) and part-time software engineer at some sort of “tech-for-good” company working in something worthwhile and/or cool.

[singbluesxlver]

I suddenly remembered this movie that I saw about two years ago called The Lost City, where Sandra Bullock is a famous writer who has this kind of romance adventure saga and somehow ends up being kidnapped in the middle of the jungle and the model that appears in the covers of her books playing the protagonist of them travels there to save her. or something like that. I don't remember much from the movie BUT one scene in particular came to my mind and I thought...why not make it ghostsoap?

please don't expect too much from this, english's not my first language but since i have a kind soul i´ll take the risk so that tumblr users who dont speak spanish can understand and enjoy (or not) the ghostsoap scenarios that i came up with 👍

soooo

So far Johnny had managed to escape from Graves (the psycho billionaire who had read all his books and decided it was a great idea to kidnap him) and as much as it pained him to admit it, he couldn't have done it without Simon's help. Now the two of them were lost in the middle of the jungle and neither knew more than the basics of survival.

He would have liked to keep looking for a way out but night began to fall and with it came a soft but constant cold breeze, so it would be better for them to choose a nice spot to spend the night and get some sleep.

Johnny was struggling to make a fire that would give them some light and warmth. After a couple more failed attempts, he pulled back and groaned in frustration.

“We need something more flammable, everything is so wet... What do you have in your backpack?” He asked Simon but began to rummage through it before receiving any response. He found a small bottle and read the label. “Eucalyptus and rosemary oil? I guess it can be useful…”

Johnny dumped the entire contents onto a couple of branches, which soon caught fire. 

“Wait, what are yo-” But it was too late for Simon to stop him.

“Look! I did it! I made fire!” He was very proud of his achievement, their hopes of surviving the night increased.

“Very impressive…”

“Right?”

Simon only responded with a subtle smile before turning away to remove his shirt. Johnny nearly choked on his own saliva at the sight in front of him. A few hours before, thanks to a silly accident, he had seen him completely naked, there was nothing he hadn't seen before, so he didn't understand the reason for his own reaction. He had been caught off guard, it was just that, he thought. But it didn't take long for him to notice something that snapped him out of his thoughts and alarmed him a little.

“Your back... Are you okay? it doesn't look good…” Simon's back was covered in a rash and it seemed to itch so much Johnny didn't understand how he wasn't tearing his skin off by now. 

“It's nothing... That's why i don't usually get into the water, my body reacts like this…” Simon replied, a little uncomfortable, turning around to look at him.

“Oh... Do you have anything for it, like some ointment or something?” 

“Yeah I do... Well, I did... It was in a little bottle…” He was staring at Johnny's hands holding the empty oil bottle.

“Oh... It was this... god, I'm sorry, Si.” He realized with embarrassment.

“'S okay”

No it wasn’t, and Johnny was going to make up for it. Quickly he went back to digging through the backpack to find a pack of face masks. He decided not to ask about it. “Wait, come here... I think we can do something with this.”

Simon looked confused but without saying anything he walked over and sat next to him.

“Turn your back on me” Johnny asked, being quickly obeyed. “This can be a bit cold…”

His suspicions were confirmed as soon as he felt a chill run down Simon's spine as he began to gently place one of the masks on his back. “Sorry.”

“Maybe this is how ‘Ghost’ should die.” Simon joked, referring to the protagonist of Johnny's books. “Horrible eczema outbreak... its so sexy.” 

Johnny laughed at that. “Oh I can make it work.”

“All right then, how would you write that? Delight me.”

He didnt hesitate to accept the challenge and rapidly began to put into words the scenario that Simon was proposing to him. “Hm... Warmed by the fragant fire…”

“Starting strong…”

“Soap's (Ghost’s love interest in his books) hands explored the... the contoured scenery of Ghost's body... Familiar terrain made new and exciting with every scarlet rim” Johnny's voice as he narrated the scene that they had just created together, was slow and soft, as were the movements that his hands made on Simon's back.

“And it didn't uh... didnt turn him off?” There was a trace of melancholy in his tone.

“No... Because with every cardinal ridge, Soap discovered another letter in the language that only their bodies spoke” Johnny could feel Simon's body slowly beginning to relax.

“Hmm… You know what their bodies said?” 

It only took two seconds for Johnny to reply. “Take me, take me…” He said almost in a whisper .“How's that?” 

“It’s… It’s good” Simon muttered and began to turn around to face him.

“Your back, i mean, hows your back” Johnny chuckled nervously.

“Oh, no, yeah, i also meant my back” Simon responded awkwardly. Both of them cringed a little.

There was an awfully awkward silence before Johnny stood up. “okay... im gonna go rest a bit... you'll be okay?”

“yeah i'll be fine…” 

[phoenixrisesoncemore]

I started this over a year ago and then never posted it. Sorry, my brain has been on vacation.

Thank you for the tag @senadimell! (And sorry for taking so long!)

Hmmm, favorite comfort things. Let’s see...

comfort food: Mashed potatoes. Always and forever mashed potatoes. With meatloaf or salmon cakes, or Swiss steak, or chicken, or beef roast, or anything really, or just by themselves.

comfort clothes: Something soft and flowy. Nightgowns and easy summer dresses. I would absolutely be a mumu person if it were more socially acceptable. In practice more often cotton t-shirts and cotton shorts. Soft soft soft.

comfort item: Unfortunately, my iPhone. There’s an addiction I need to beat. More healthily: a sketch pad and pencil.

comfort character: Phoenix/Jean Grey (X-men), Rogue (X-men), Catwoman (the Michelle Pfeiffer Batman Returns iteration), Eilonwy (The Prydain Chronicles), The Eighth Doctor (Doctor Who—particularly EDA-verse), Nienna (The Silmarillion—I know she barely appears but the idea of her brings me comfort), Wei Wuxian (MDZS/CQL—new addition but I love him and I suspect he’s a permanent fixture in my brain now). KOS-MOS and Shion (Xenosaga).

comfort song: Oh gosh. “Cumulus” by Imogen Heap (I’ve had that on repeat for days while I laid in bed with migraine), “To the Ancient Land” (first track of the Shadow of the Colossus soundtrack), “Figlio Perduto” (Sarah Brightman, La Luna, the tale of the abduction of a young boy by elves set to Beethoven’s 7th, Second Movement—like, can it get any better?), “Glosoli” (Sarah Brightman), “2000 Years” (Billy Joel), “Still” (Alanis Morissette from the Dogma soundtrack), “Mercy (from the Prayer Cycle)” (Alanis), the entire The Phantom of the Opera (original London cast, please), “Phoenix Rises” (John Powell from the X-men: The Last Stand soundtrack), “Dancing Mad” (Distant Worlds II cover of track from Final Fantasy VI, Nobuo Uematsu), “The First and the Last” (Xenogears, Yasunori Mitsuda). Honestly, I could go on forever here.

comfort youtuber: You know I don’t spend that much time on YouTube, but I once sat down and watched the entirety of Cooking with Dog, a cooking channel where a Japanese woman referred to only as “chef”, under the “guidance” of her dog, Francis, prepares traditional Japanese (washoku) and Westernized Japanese (yoshoku) dishes. This was my first exposure to Japanese cooking (outside of visiting an American sushi restaurant) and I was fascinated by the careful preparation of ingredients, often involving many small, deliberate steps taken to ensure each ingredient is exemplified in its best self as a part of each dish. Like watching any kind of careful and practiced craft in action, it was mesmerizing and really quite soothing.

comfort video game: Soooo many. Xenogears, Final Fantasy IV, Final Fantasy VI, Final Fantasy VII, The Legend of Zelda: a Link to the Past, Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, Chrono Trigger.

comfort film: Moulin Rouge, Legend, The Lord of the Rings (all three), The Hunchback of Notre Dame (Disney), Arsenic and Old Lace, Bringing Up Baby, Shall We Dance, Sunset Boulevard, Withnail & I.

comfort show: Star Trek: TNG, The X-Files, X-men: The Animated Series (look, how else am I going to get a Phoenix/Dark Phoenix Saga adaptation that isn’t a horrible dissapointment?), The Untamed (newest addition to this list).

comfort stim: I don’t know if I truly stim or not. I used to do (and still occasionally do) a thing where I had to twitch my toes in a certain rhythm.

comfort activity: Sitting on my porch or in my garden, walking through nature, driving through hidden backwoods and down old winding country roads, holding my cat (or any cat, anywhere, at any time).

Is comfort book not a thing? I am going to add it: Lord of the Rings, House of Leaves, The Prydain Chronicles, Cosmos, The Singularity Is Near (Kurzweil), Doctor Who: The Infinity Doctors, Arcadia (yes, it’s a play but it’s a play that reads as good as it performs)

tagging (with no pressure—I can’t remember who all did this the last time it went around): @thearrogantemu , @silver-grasp , @odense , @warrioreowynofrohan , @if-he-catches-me-ill

[colbychu]

Thanks for the tag @jadore-andor - Honestly feels like a celebrity knows my name I'm freaking out lol

Favorite Color - honestly depends on the thing (cope out I know) but right now I'm feeling terra cotta and light almost pastel aquamarine blue. holy shit I sound like one of those moms that go to Arizona on vacation and suddenly love the desert and turquoise. dear lord

Currently Reading - The Master and the Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov. I joined a Pedra Pascal book club this year; this is the only book I could find at Half Priced Books. Very surreal. Feels like reading a Salvidor Dali painting. But if I'm being honest I'm almost entirely reading Stranger Things fics

Last Song - Candy Says by Velvet Underground because of an Eddie Munson fic I loved and now because my brain is a sieve can't remember who wrote it. Otherwise my go-to recently is Never Too Much by Luther Vandross it's too good. It might be my vecna song. NO, if I'm taking a page out of Joe Quinn's book, my vecna song is Upside Down by Diana Ross

Last Series - Finally finished Stranger Things S4 two days ago. I had the ending ruined for me by someone on July 1st and out of protest didn't watch it for a while and finally found the strength to finish. But I'm almost done with season one of Hacks on HBO and am surprised how much I've enjoyed it so far.

Last Movie - unfortunate it was that last Doctor Strange movie. The multiverse of madness or whatever the fuck it's called. I have a lot of thoughts about how bad this was and its lazy ass writing and storytelling but I won't bore anyone with those opinions now....as if anyone will read this lol

Sweet/Spicy/Savory - I'm definitely a spicy/savory person. I do love a dessert don't get me wrong, but I have no problem saying no to one if offered and it's something gross like those supermarket sugar cookies. Oddly enough, as a chef, I prefer to bake when I'm upset or stressed. Love the precision of baking over the unpredictability of general cooking.

Currently Working On - Not a writer, my ADHD will just not allow me to sit still long enough to do it and I'm always bouncing from one idea to another. I do sometimes dream of helping some of the wonderful and endlessly talented writers on here or AO3 either as a beta (imma be honest I think I know what this means, but I'm probably wrong lol) or just a sounding board for ideas.

SOOOO I think I've done this thing correctly. I've never done one of these tagging games before - always wanted to!

I tried reblogging it from the post I was originally tagged in and Tumblr wouldn't let me. IDK if that's a me problem or what but this new-fangled technology is just getting out of hand lol I'M OLD SUE ME! Again thanks so much to @jadore-andor for the tag, it really feels like an honor lol

To follow her lead I'll try to tag some other mutuals I'd love to know more about ( absolutely no pressure! ) : @generalfoolish @juletheghoul-main @eddiemslvt @little-saucepan @flamehairedwritings @stupidityemporium

[saltpepperbeard]

☕️the ballad of songbirds and snakes movie lol

bonnie i love you so much lol it's like you know EXACTLY WHAT I'M WILLING TO BE SALTY ABOUT. SO OKAY UHHHHHHHHHH

I think it's absolutely whack that they're turning this book into a movie for a few reasons:

The main reason being, the YA Dystopian Craze died even before Mockingjay Part 2 was released. From all the video essays I've watched discussing this very subject, I think it's safe to say it died somewhere around late 2014. There was just this insane influx of YA Dystopia all at once that it sort of burned general audiences out very very quickly.

Because, when you boil them all down, they're really all the same thing at their core. The beginnings are always the most interesting part, because that's where all the unique worldbuilding occurs. But once you get into the belly of the franchises, they're all the same thing: taking down the evil government. So when you get that over and over and OVER, it quickly becomes predictable.

Mockingjay Part 2 suffered from the death, what with grossing the lowest out of the franchise (and not even getting an official soundtrack lmao STILL salty about that one). But I suppose that's better than Divergent just straight up not getting their final movie period.

Soooo for them to drag all of this back out in 2023/2024? I don't know if they think a large break will be beneficial or what, but I can't imagine opinions have shifted too much.

Another reason is that I genuinely cannot see this movie being accessible for general audiences. Like, I can see it being a movie that people see out of curiosity maybe. Like "Oh, I recognize this franchise from years ago, let me go see what this is about." But I can't see it getting great acclaim like THG or Catching Fire did?

Along those lines, the book is just so?? Longwinded and also extraordinarily dark in places? So I don't know how a lot of it is going to translate onto a screen. If Hollywood was too chicken to show Katniss' burn scars, and Peeta's lost leg, and Katniss' mental decline at the end of Mockingjay, are they really going to show all the brutal deaths and what have you in this? I WOULD BE GENUINELY SURPRISED. Like, maybe they'll treat it differently because it's a standalone movie and not part of an uwu twilogy, but I would still be shocked at the tonal shift. And salty, of course lmao.

And finally, it's just wild to me because I hardly saw anyone talk about this book. There was hype surrounding it for like, a week around its release, but then it seemed to fall into the mainstream void very quickly. A lot of my olden days THG friends haven't even read it yet, nor do they plan to JSKDHSLK. And this video sums up the more common reactions I've seen, as well as a good chunk of my opinions towards the book as well jsldkjsldks.

I don't know if they're banking on nostalgia or curiosity or what for this, but I would genuinely be shocked if it did well across the board. I will say that I'm happy they cast a women of color to play Lucy? And the actor they cast for Snow looks pretty similar (not as similar as Cody Fern though smh lol that's still my fancast). Buuuuut idk man idk. Maybe I'll be entirely wrong lol who knows! From my current perspective though, it just seems like it's going to be a flash in the pan.

[cheshirette]

Happy New Year!

here's some of my thoughts of 2022 and what i want to do in 2023 ↓

2022

This year started off nice, I got to work on cool projects and I tried out so many new things. Unfortunately halfway through the year it went downhill and despite being hired for my first ever job, it sucked and I fell into depression.

Fuzee visited me at home for the first time ever, and he stayed with me for a few months. This was probably the best highlight of the year for me because I missed him for so long... I was seriously struggling mentally and just having him here with me has done wonders. I was determined to work hard so I can eventually move out and stay with him.

Living here at home isn't doing so well for me. I still live with my parents and I have a very controlling Mother. I've been purposely avoiding her so that I can be at ease, and I would put so much effort into locking myself up in my room or going out with friends. I hope I can finally get away from this next year.

Emotionally, I was doing really bad. October was super bad, and my friends were nice enough to help me get back on medication. I feel like ever since I went back to fix myself up, my long lost motivation came back and I've been drawing so much and it feels so good! I'm really happy I got to go back to this.

Lots of friendships crumbled this year, but I also befriended many people this year too. I'm still really sad about this separation and I continue to yearn for the old times where all my friends hung out together and nothing was wrong, but I have to leave those memories behind. I do miss them a lot but.. I dont know, I was left conflicted for so long.. I'm still grateful for all the friends I met this year.

I finally opened up design commissions as this was something that many friends encouraged me to do, and so many people were interested. I was worried it wouldnt go so well but I was surprised to see the demand!

I did a lot of new things and picked up old hobbies I've long abandoned due to depression. I bought lots of new books and read a lot of them and bought a new sketchbook from the farmer's market and decorated it with stickers I had lying around. feels weird how I got over my sticker anxiety but its soooo nice decorating things and it makes me feel so relaxed!

Commissions were super slow and I feel like it was hard for me to get around with my absence during my last job. I need to work harder.

I recently started getting back into drawing things with backgrounds so I hope I can keep this up.

I got more comfortable in streaming and didnt feel so anxious after having meds. I even hosted my first birthday even and I'm glad it was successful!

2023

This year I have a weird goal where I want to collect as manu stickers to the point that I can fill up a box. I like using stickers and tapes for decorating my sketchbook so I hope to collect more.

My biggest goal for this year is to move out of this house with Fuzee. I cant stand being in this toxic household and I havent felt safe in a long while. I plan on raising money so I can get out.

I want to make merch, stickers or small postcard prints sound nice

I want to make little comics on my ocs again like I did years ago, especially now that I feel like I can draw anything

I aim to explore doing Live2D stuff so I can do commissions for it in the future

I hope to get hired for some job position again. I wish I could get hired for character design 💦

I wanna do weekly(?) community drawing session with viewers and enhance my stream setup and hopefully upgrade my computer.

I wanna go on a trip next year somewhere, I think it would be nice to go to the mountains again.. 🏔️

I want to try and do silent vlogging. I got invested in it last year and I want to give it a try ✨

There's probably more but I'm just generally excited since it's bunny year 🐇 Thank you all for sticking around with me, I'll try my best this year!!!!

[leejihoonownsmyheart]

noooo i havent seen that anime yettt i think i will sjnskms👀

HELP NO I DID SAY ITS P FAR AWAY BY NORMAL STANDARDS I JUST LIKE TO THINK ABOUT MYSELF A LOT😭😭 i twin w beomgyu >.<

SPEAKING OF BEOMGYU i was listening to coming back for more like two days ago and all i could think of was OMG THIS IS SOOOO JEONGHAN AND YN i think i need help rip

math is sooooo so hard it makes me vomit like,,

ive been ignoring it for the past few days rip and thats got my mom so worried i feel so guilty,,,,, but also😭 i love math i cannot live without math i literally ignore every other subject in favour of practicing math all day every day (which is also super harmful-) BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THIS

and no i was talking about a series called once upon a broken heart the mmc is so unhinged and such a sadist most of my annotations of that series look like, 'pathetic jeonghan?' 'pathetic jeonghan would totally do this' ' THIS IS SOO PATHETIC JEONGHAN??'

!!!if youre into angst you should def read it the second book is going to rip you soul to shreds and im not even kidding i love it soo much

IRRELEVANT BUT theres a book releasing in like two days omg and im sooo excited bec 1) its the last part 2) its like a cannon crossover w another series which i used to be obsessed w by the same author i love crossovers i just love dimension travel (?) man

ARE YOU WATCHING PERCY JACKSONNN I LOVE IT SOO MUCHHH CANT BELIEVE S1 WILL BE OVER THIS WEEK?? the eps end before they even start eng shows are soo short its so annoying like?? eight eps?? 30 mins per ep??? thats hardly a quarter of a regular kdrama girlie be fr😭😭

help i havent really thought about it i dont think im not anal much?? 👀 (maybe a lot of sickly sweet fluff too) LET ME THINK ABOUT IT WILL GET BACK TO YOU !!

tbh ive been trying to find good joshua x jeonghan smut + fic but i never seem to be able to TT ive given up atp,, like its mostly non idol au and ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP TROPE (LIKE THATS SUCH A HUGE TURN OFF FOR ME FOR SOME REASON) like give me yearning give me pining give me savagery give me tears sigh

i woke up so pissed today because isnt it just so annoying when you think youre finally over your highschool crush and then she invades your dreams looking ridiculously hot smh like i PHYSICALLY felt my heart pound in my sleep ive been able to think only about her all day long its driving me crazy and this is tmi i think💀

OMG WHAT ABOUT 🎀 or 💥 or 💫 WHICHEVER YOU THINK SUITS ME BETTER YOU DECIDE !!!

also im almost 20 hehe youre only like four years older than me 👀

Tell me if you dooo watch it i’m actually super into it right now

BEOMGYU TWIN- I AM SOOBIN TWIN. WE SHOULD PUT TOGETHER A GROUP OF TXT BIRTHDAY TWINS AND JUST DO DANCE AND SONG COVERS OF ALL THEIR SONGS FOR ATTENTION AND LIKE MOVE INTO A HPUSE TOGETHER AND RECREATE ALL OF THEIR TIKTOKS AND MVS AND INSTAGRAM POSTS HOW FUNNY WOULD THAT BE

NO IT IS WHEN THAT SONG CAME OUT I WAS LIKE this is theirs. ITS SO THEM.

Learning very interesting things about you…. Math is hard… but loves math….

ILL CHECK OUT THAT BOOK SERIES IF I REMEMBER IT SOUNDS RIGHT UP MY ALLEY

HAVE YOU READ THAT BOOK THAT JUST RELEASED YET?! IS IT GOOD?! WORTH THE WAIT?!

I AM WATCHING PJO I FANT BELIEVE ITS ALREADY OVER?! I DO STILL HAVE THREE EPISODES TO WATCH THOUGH IM SO SCARED OF SPOILERS I CANT EVEN GET IN TIKTOK 😭

noted noted noted… prefer yearning…

THAT IS SO ANNOYING IM SO SORRY YOU WOKE UP TO THAT. Thinking that you moved on only to find out you DIDNT i would be so stressed… crushes are… stressful….

[televinita]

Library Triage! kinda?

I have soooo many library items checked out right now and I’m making progress on returning none of them; between working overtime and spending way more of my downtime than usual just incessantly watching the same clips on YouTube, I am not reading very much. But I can’t seem to let anything go. So this (even more than usual) is just me trying to make sense of everything so I don’t lose any items this time...

Part 1: DVDs

No Escape: I have watched this already (twice now in this checkout period, including the one with commentary!) so really I should be done with it, but I’m not. I want it close at hand. It’s too good.

The Hollow Crown: Complete Series: the gifs have been promising so we’re gonna have fun with this. Eventually. Right now my ability to handle it is taking one look at a still from any of them and immediately turning into a cartoon with eyes/heart ballooning out of my body, so I am not yet calm enough for that.

The Night Manager: I’m pretty sure this is actually the project I’m going to target next. I know what I gotta shield my eyes about but I also think I can manage the rest of it, and I’m finally interested in the larger story.

Thor 1-3 + The Avengers: for when I’m ready to continue my Loki journey.

(And yet, I’m still over here like, “I gotta go check out those other two movies I want to see. I gotta.”)

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Part 2: Books

After Perfect -  Maan Gabriel: 2 months ago, I pulled several titles off my Goodreads TBR that I thought I might like to try soon. And then...Hiddleston Spiral. Library is already down to 1 copy of this small-press 2021 release (they started with 3 or 4), and I’m genuinely afraid it’s gonna get weeded entirely very soon. But still, I think I’m too far off course now to be in the right mood for this particular romance, which is rare (age-appropriate student/creative writing professor, except the professor is the younger one), so I want to save it.

Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix (illustrated): I’ve decided not to reread this one yet, I’m just looking at the pictures, but even that I can’t commit to doing. I have been waiting more than a year for this release to get into my hands; I have to be ready to appreciate them. Block out an hour or so to observe/maybe reread select passages/jot notes on my faves.

The Hungry Place - Jessie Haas: a children’s pony book by an author I like that I really thought I would be more excited about/devour quickly, but instead I’m kind of blocked up about it. Like. There is some sadness here before the happy parts, IDK if I’m ready for it!

Just Gus - McCall Hoyle: speaking of children’s books, a cute one about a dog, companion novel to Stella. It really won’t take me more than 90 minutes to read. Why do I keep putting it off.  [edit: go me, I actually started this one in the brief interim between queuing this post and its appearance]

The Essex Serpent - Sarah Perry: still haven’t even opened it, but I WILL whether I fully read it or not.

(Meanwhile: those 20+ books I just bought and was kinda planning to read at least some of soon...) (p.s. I actually have my latest sale post written up! I just wanted to take photos)

+ 5 books I’ve technically read but don’t wanna give back because I love them and love paging through them

+ 3 Taylor Swift CDs -- Reputation for Getaway Car (I don’t think I’m ready to explore further yet, but I have as yet been too lazy to rip it); and Folklore and Lover to play in the car, the former’ cause I don’t own it and the latter ‘cause IDK where I put my copy and am frankly too lazy to look. :P