#I really love Ch 2 of Zero though

[oddinary4bts]

Chasing Cars | ch 2 (jjk)

☆summary: when your brother goes to study on a semester abroad, your life collides with his best friend Jeon Jungkook, who's coincidentally your roommate. Will you survive the collision, or will you crumble into dust?

☆pairings: brother's best friend!Jungkook x younger sister!female reader, Hoseok x female!reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, this chapter contains mature content)

☆genre: forbidden love?au, college!au, slice of life!au, smut, angst (as usual a lot of it), fluff

☆warnings: mentions of The Incident, Jungkook is a menace. curses, mentions of a character getting cheated on, alcohol, mentions of ghosting, explicit content: sex toy (vibrator), they do it in a public space (an empty lab), degradation, sir, thigh grinding, dom!Hobi, he's a bit of a dick, pussy slapping, breast/nipple play, jerking off, praise, fingering, ass slapping, protected sex, anal fingering, mentions of mouth fucking, masturbation (female and male), OC has some dirty little fantasies about her older brother's best friend, squirting, she overhears Jungkook watching porn

☆word count: 10.2k

☆a/n: new week new chapter!! enjoy reading everyone <3 thank you to @moonleeai and @jessikahathaway for beta-ing, you guys are the best <3

☆series masterpost

☆add yourself to the taglist here!

☆☆☆☆☆

If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol

☆☆☆☆☆

Sunday, January 20th 

You wake up with a start, heart beating out of your chest. It takes you a moment to collect yourself until you realize that you were actually woken up by a sound. It takes you a moment longer before you understand that the sound is Jungkook cursing.

You frown, glancing towards his wall in the hopes that he’ll shut up, and it’s almost like he hears you: he dwindles into silence after a few seconds, and you’re stuck wondering why he was cursing like that in the first place. You don’t think you’ll have the answer anytime soon, so you lie back down – when did you even sit up?

You shut your eyes, though it seems sleep will evade you again. Indeed, your focus is zeroed in on the sounds coming from Jungkook’s room, probably of him getting ready for work. It also makes you realize that you really do need to go to the bathroom, so you decide to head there before actually going back to sleep.

You get out of the bathroom in time with Jungkook getting out of his room, and he stops in the doorway, eyes widening as he watches you across the living room. You’re only wearing an oversized sweater, and you don’t miss the way his gaze dips to your legs once before returning to your face.

Only then does he break into a smirk, leaning against the door as he folds his arms on his chest. “Long night?” he asks teasingly.

You know you’ve flushed red when he chuckles darkly. “Not really, no,” you choke out.

“You’re cute when you blush, peach,” he jokes, glancing towards your room. “He’s still in there?”

You don’t know if it’s because of the way your face falls, but Jungkook’s smirk dies down, concern moving on his features instead. You hate it, so you quickly say, “He left last night, you didn’t hear?”

His tongue plays with his piercing for a moment. “Not gonna lie, I put earbuds in the moment I started hearing you guys.”

Your blush deepens, and you’d facepalm if the gesture in and of itself wasn’t so embarrassing. Instead, you look away from him, glancing at the front door as you replay Hoseok leaving in your mind. “Sorry,” you apologize.

You don’t even know what for. Your goal was to make Jungkook uncomfortable, so why do you feel like shit now that he’s talking to you about it?

“It’s fine,” he says, pushing up from the door frame as he walks towards the kitchen. “Though I didn’t think you were like that, peach.”

You furrow your brows, and you can’t help but follow him into the kitchen. “What do you mean?”

He’s got his head in the fridge, and he straightens, holding a protein shake in his hands. He takes a sip of it, eyes finding yours, before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he kicks the fridge door shut. 

“Paper-thin walls, remember?”

You purse your lips, cocking your head to the side. “Thought you said you put earbuds on?”

His tongue pokes his cheek, and he looks away from you, chuckling in disbelief. When he remains silent, you spy his ear turning pink, and you hold in a smirk.

“I did,” he says. “A little too late.”

“Are you saying you listened to us?” you let out, gasping in fake outrage.

“Peach.” His doe eyes slide back to you, and they pierce right into your soul as your gazes connect. “I know you’ve been listening to me. If you were just trying to make me jealous, you can say so.”

Your mouth falls open, and every word in the dictionary flies out the window as you just stare at him, embarrassment slowly creeping in. Very slowly, its fingers licking up your spine until they’re clutching your heart.

“Why would I want to make you jealous?” you ask, voice suddenly far less confident and a lot smaller.

He takes another sip. “You tell me.”

You don’t know what to tell him. All that you know is that you wish last night never happened, and you wish Jungkook would stop looking at you. He looks effortlessly good, even so early in the morning, and really, it’s unfair.

Unfair that you’re stuck living with him for months without Taehyung being here.

When he understands that you’re not going to say anything else, Jungkook shrugs, glancing at the time on his phone. He meets your startled gaze again, before saying, “I have to head to work.” He pauses, tongue playing with his piercing and then continues, “If you don’t want me having sex here, it’d be fair if you didn’t have it either.”

You nod once, and when he walks towards you, you quickly step out of the way. It makes him laugh and he stops right in front of you, head tilted down. His hair isn’t styled back this morning, and it falls in his eyes, hiding their innocence from you.

Because, for some reason, you’ve always thought he has innocent eyes. You know better than to think his soul is innocent, though.

“Unless you’d like me to keep doing it?” he asks, voice low and husky. It makes your spine tingle, especially as he adds, “You sure sounded like you liked it last time.”

So he was aware of the Incident. You flush furiously crimson, and you refuse to meet his gaze. But when one of his fingers touches your chin ever so lightly to make you tilt your head back, you’re too weak to resist. 

“Don’t be embarrassed, peach,” he purrs. “I was pretty turned on myself last night.”

Your lips part as your gaze meets his, and you don’t miss the way his eyes dart to your mouth once.

“I won’t do it again,” you say, voice shaking a little.

It clearly isn’t what Jungkook wanted you to say because he frowns, taking a step away from you. If he’s aware that he’s got your heart racing in your chest, he doesn’t let it show.

“Noted,” he answers curtly, and he walks out of the kitchen without saying anything else.

You don’t move, a trembling hand going over your chest as if it’ll calm down the beats of your heart. Evidently, it doesn’t do anything, and you listen to Jungkook as he puts a coat on, before going out the door.

You think you weren’t breathing until the front door shuts behind him, and even then, you’re not sure you’re breathing at all. It takes everything in you to be able to walk back to your room, and you sit on your bed, eyes darting to your phone.

The screen is lit up, and you quickly grab it to see you received a couple of texts while you were sleeping, and another one just now. That last one is from Hoseok, and you immediately open the notification to see what he sent.

[9:02 am] Hobi: hey, sorry for last night. I feel like a dick for leaving like that.. any chance I can make it up to u today?

You purse your lips, right as relief washes through you. Because no matter how much you agree with the fact that you two shouldn’t do feelings, his leaving so quickly made you feel used. It’s also a good distraction from what just happened with Jungkook, which you reckon you need.

[9:04 am] You: no worries I get it. What do u wanna do

You turn off your phone, grabbing your clothes to take a quick shower. Mostly because you don’t want to text him too quickly, but also because you haven’t showered since before the party yesterday, and you usually always shower before going to bed. 

You comb your hair when you get out of the shower, wrapping it in a clean towel before heading back to your room. Even then, you don’t touch your phone, instead busying yourself with putting your dirty clothes away in a hamper. You plop down on your bed, thoughts going back to the conversation with Jungkook, and you feel a coil tightening at the bottom of your stomach.

Because you’re only now realizing that he was hitting on you. He was clearly hitting on you, in his own sick and twisted way. And the worst part is, just thinking about it makes you feel turned on…

You can’t wait for Taehyung to be back from his semester abroad.

Thursday, January 24th

Your biochemistry class is boring. Nabi is dozing off next to you, and you took a couple of pictures already that you shared in the group chat you now have. 

Indeed, you ended up hanging out with Hoseok, Namjoon, Yoongi, Nabi and Ria on Sunday morning, getting brunch together, and for convenience Hoseok created a group chat.

It’s been lively since then, with everyone sending their share of memes and funny pictures. Except Yoongi – Yoongi seems like he’s a ghost in the conversation, except for the laughing reacts that he’s put on some of the memes. The picture of Nabi quickly gains you a lot of laughing emojis, and Namjoon sends,

[11:24 am] Joonie: Yah she should pay attention if she wants good grades!

You laugh-react to Namjoon’s message but don’t say anything, though you know that Nabi is going to have to talk about it for the next fifty days. You then try to focus on the class, watching the minutes go by on the clock by the door more than anything. You’re struggling to stay awake, eyes heavy with sleep, but you manage to make it through the end of class without fully falling asleep. When the professor finally dismisses the class, you shake Nabi awake, laughing as you notice she’s drooled on the desk.

“Gosh,” you say, pointing at it. “Who were you dreaming of?”

Nabi blinks, a little confused, but her cheeks still turn red. “No one.”

You gather your things as you get up, throwing her a no-bullshit look. She ignores you, shrugging her shoulders like the little angel that she is, and then you make your way to the cafeteria, Nabi in tow. You meet with Ria, who’s finished her classes for the day – you’re unlucky, you still have another one in the afternoon. You sit together, chatting about everything and nothing, the conversation slowly inching towards Namjoon. You’re not surprised, and you tune it out as you work on a lab report.

“Hobi!” Ria yells happily, motioning at someone.

As much as you and Hoseok decided to be friends, you still feel a little awkward as he makes his way towards you, sitting next to Nabi across from you. “How are you girls doing?” he asks, but his eyes linger on you.

“Fantastic,” Nabi answers. “Though, not looking forward to the genetics class this afternoon.”

“Come on.” Hoseok laughs, shaking his head. “That’s the easiest class of the first year.”

“Still boring,” Nabi counters. “I don’t know how I’ll stay awake.”

“Bitch,” you let out, chuckling. “You were sleeping all morning.”

She shrugs her shoulders innocently, like she had in the class a moment ago. “Didn’t sleep last night.”

Hoseok looks down at the table, a knowing look painting his features, and Ria narrows her gaze at Nabi. 

“Why?” she asks. “You left the library before Y/n and I did.”

Nabi purses her lips, cheeks tinting pink. Hoseok still sports the knowing smirk, and you furrow your brows.

Did something happen between them? 

“I just couldn’t sleep,” Nabi answers carefully.

At that, Hoseok snorts, finally looking towards her. “I know someone else that couldn’t sleep last night.”

Now, Nabi turns crimson. 

“Did something happen between you guys?” you blurt.

Hoseok looks startled, and Nabi bursts out laughing. “What the fuck?” she says.

“Namjoon was speaking to someone on the phone all night.”

Hoseok’s input has your eyes widen, quite at the same time as Ria replies, “His girlfriend, I presume?”

It is disapproving, and awkwardness fills the space between you all. Nabi’s eyes drop to the table, ashamed. “I mean… he was just helping with some homework.”

Ria scoffs. “So that’s what you do when I’m not at the dorm?”

Indeed, Ria ended up coming over to your place, mostly because she didn’t want you to walk home alone so late after your trip to the library. She slept in Taehyung’s bed and went home right when you woke up to shower and change before her class.

“It was nothing!” Nabi insists. “Just talking.”

Ria rolls her eyes, before getting up and grabbing her stuff. “Whatever.”

She storms away, and you look at her disappearing form, gaze wide, before looking back at Nabi and Hoseok. Hoseok looks like he wishes to disappear through the floor, and Nabi is rubbing a hand on her forehead.

You know exactly what happened. Ria was cheated on in her last relationship, and needless to say, it’s fucked her up a little.

“Just talking?” you repeat.

Nabi meets your gaze, clearly looking for salvation. “I promise, nothing happened.”

Hoseok clears his throat, and both of you look towards him. “Namjoon and his girlfriend broke up last weekend.”

Nabi looks far more surprised than you, if that’s possible. Clearly, Namjoon didn’t tell her.

“They did?”

Hoseok nods, sparing you a glance before he continues, “It’s been a long time coming. They’ve been long distance for over a year, and… yeah.”

“Oh,” Nabi voices. Her eyes drop to the table, where her half-eaten salad is still waiting for her. “I should find Ria and tell her.”

She nods once as if she needs to convince herself, and then she quickly puts her stuff away. It dawns on you that you’re soon going to be left alone with Hoseok, and you try to meet Nabi’s gaze, try to find an excuse as to why you should go with her. But you reckon she and Ria probably need to speak about it without you, for the sake of their friendship.

Nabi waves goodbye when she’s done picking up her stuff, and then she’s walking away, following in Ria’s previous footsteps until she’s out of the cafeteria.

There’s a moment of awkward silence, and you focus on your laptop screen as if it’s going to help, but it offers no salvation. Especially not as Hoseok is looking at you over the screen, eyes going a little dark as his features turn somber. 

You gulp before meeting his gaze. “What’s up?”

He wets his lips, glancing at the seats vacated by your friends. “Sorry about that.”

“Oh,” you let out. “It’s okay, it’s whatever.”

He nods once, and as your attention returns to your computer, he fishes a sandwich out of his tote bag. He starts eating, and you fear the heavy silence is going to make you crazy, especially as you can feel his eyes on you while you type away.

“Everything okay?” you ask, refusing to meet his gaze.

“Want to skip genetics?” he answers, voice lower than you expected it to be.

For a reason unknown, it has your insides turning white hot. 

“I shouldn’t.”

He chuckles, shrugging his shoulders. “Suit yourself.”

You entirely thought he was going to argue, so you can’t help but furrow your brows as you meet his gaze. “What?”

He sits back, tilting his head to the side as he surveys you. As he remains silent, you feel yourself heating up even more. The danger in his eyes is enticing, and you reckon you probably have enough time before class to find a quiet place around campus.

“The class is in forty-five minutes,” you innocently say.

Hoseok grins. “Plenty of time, don’t you think?”

“I haven’t eaten,” you admit, pursing your lips.

“If you sit at the back of the class, no one will care if you eat.”

You know he’s right. And mostly, you know he doesn’t even need to convince you. You’ve been hot and bothered since last Saturday, as you’ve been too scared to use your vibrator again after you realized Jungkook heard you.

So when Hoseok admits he’s got the keys to one of the labs, you don’t hesitate before putting your computer away, following him as he leads the way.

“I’ve never…” you start, and then you laugh awkwardly.

By the time Hoseok says, “You’ve never what?”, you’re out of the cafeteria.

“Never done anything on campus.”

He winks at you. “Glad to know I’ll be the first.”

It makes you roll your eyes as a smile tugs at the corners of your lips, but you don’t say anything as he guides you to the elevator. Another student is already waiting in front of it, and she grins at Hoseok as he stops next to her.

“Hoba!” she lets out. “I thought you had the day off today.”

He loosely hugs her before replying. “Yeah, had to come to hand an essay to Professor Evans.”

The girl glances at you. You barely recognize her, though you’re pretty sure you’ve seen her at some parties. She greets you, and you offer her a smile before she turns to Hoseok and they strike up a conversation about said essay.

She’s someone from his class, apparently, and they chat for the whole elevator ride until she exits to head wherever it is that she is going. It leaves you alone with Hoseok, and it takes all of one second before the air fills with tension again, especially as his hand brushes yours.

“Sorry about that,” he apologizes, voice low. 

You wet your lips, meeting his dark gaze. “No worries,” you reply.

He nods, and to your surprise, he pushes a strand of your hair behind your ear. It makes you freeze in place, as his fingers linger on your cheek. His gaze drops to your lips, and if it wasn’t for the elevator dinging, the doors sliding open, you’re convinced he would have kissed you then and there.

Instead, his hand falls to the side, and he struts out of the elevator. You quickly follow him before the doors have time to close, and it takes about another minute before you finally reach the lab.

Hoseok glances around, making sure the hallway is empty before he unlocks the door. He pushes it open for you to walk in, and you enter the cool darkness, eyes sighing in relief.

Indeed, for some reason, you’ve always found the neon lights of the hallway to be too aggressive for your eyes. 

The lab is dark, the only light being the one from behind the closed blinds. The door doesn’t have a window, and Hoseok closes it behind him, quickly locking it again. You scan your surroundings – there’s an area with white coats to your left, and to your right there are empty shelves where you imagine students leave their bags when they have a class in this lab. You drop your stuff there, before turning towards Hoseok again.

“Aren’t there cameras in here?” you ask.

He walks towards you, towering over you as he puts his tote bag next to your stuff. “The one that is supposed to film the white coats is dead,” he informs you. 

You gulp as one of his long fingers finds your chin. He tilts your head back, before leaning in to press his lips against yours once. He barely kisses you, lips ghosting on your jaw before he aims for your neck. You tilt your head to the side, breath hitching in your throat, but he stills next to your ear.

“How do you know?” you ask breathlessly.

You think you can hear the smirk in his voice when he replies, “Seokjin got in trouble once right here. Someone saw him and his girlfriend come in, but they couldn’t see anything on the cameras so they let him go.”

He lightly tugs at your earlobe. “They haven’t changed the camera since then?”

“No,” Hoseok says, slightly shaking his head. “Or if they have, whoever is behind the security desk has had a couple of shows through the months.”

You let out a breathy sound as he sucks a spot underneath your ear. “Are you saying you’ve fucked some girls here?”

“Maybe?” He pauses to leave a trail of wet kisses down your neck, down to the collar of your shirt. “Is that a problem?”

Not at all. In truth, you don’t give a shit if he’s been with other people. You would assume he was – he’s an attractive man after all. If you were into him for more than just sex, maybe you’d be insulted, but right now, all you can think about is that he’s about to fuck you senseless.

“No,” you finally reply.

His teeth pull at your shirt, and then he straightens. “Come.”

You let him grab your hand, and he pulls you to where the white coats are. He pushes you into a corner, glancing behind him. You can see the camera over his shoulder, and you can only hope that it is indeed dead, because he pushes his knee between your legs as he faces you again.

“You’re such a slut,” he says against your lips. Your eyes close from the sudden proximity, and you await his next words as your insides burn. “Wanting me to fuck you here, where anyone could come in.”

You’d tell him he’s the slut, considering he’s the one that brought you here, but all you can do is grab at his shoulders when he sucks on your lower lip. You moan as his knee pushes further between your legs, thigh pressing against your pussy, and you instinctively grind, looking for some friction on your clit.

Hoseok chuckles darkly, and he straightens again.

“So fucking desperate.” He tuts, shaking his head in disapproval. “Should I punish you some more?”

Your mouth is parted as you breathe in and out quickly, eyes a little round. “Why?”

“Have you learned your lesson last weekend?”

You gulp, nodding once.

“Have you?”

“Yes.”

He cocks an eyebrow, clearly waiting for more.

“Yes, sir.”

He smirks, stealing a sudden heated kiss on your lips. You moan as his hands grab at your hips, forcing you to grind on his thigh again. Your fingers dig into his shoulders, pulling him closer, and you feel yourself go weak in the knees as he keeps you going.

“Wait,” you breathe after a moment of you fucking his thigh. He pulls away from where he buried his face in your neck, questions in his eyes. “It hurts with the fabric…” you trail off as he once again cocks an eyebrow. 

“And? You think you’ve been good enough for me to take off your clothes?”

“Hobi,” you whine, and he smirks before kissing you again. 

He removes his leg from between yours, hands staying on your hips. Yours move from his shoulders to the back of his neck so you can pull him closer, and he pushes you against the wall. He grunts in the kiss when you suck on his tongue, and his fingers find a home over your clothes, right against your pussy. He slaps it, hard, and you moan when his other hand sneaks under your shirt, cupping your breast through your bra.

“What do you want?” he asks.

“Please fuck me.”

He chuckles, nodding his head. “Oh, I’ll fuck you good. You won’t be able to walk to your class after.”

That only turns you on even more, and you think you’re melted lava now, burning bright red as you bubble away under Hoseok’s heated touch. Getting tired of the fabric of your bra, he pushes it up, until your breasts are free and he’s able to pinch your nipple, hard.

You moan, and he pushes his tongue in your mouth, finding yours as he laps at you.

You’re soaking your panties. At this point, you’re convinced you’re also soaking through your pants, but you can’t bring yourself to care. Hoseok has always been able to make you do whatever it is that he wants, and you don’t think it’ll ever change. Last weekend was proof enough of that.

“Take off your pants,” he commands as he steps back. 

Your arms fall aimlessly to your side, but you’re quick to comply, unbuttoning your pants as Hoseok busies himself with his belt. He’s quicker than you, hands steadier than yours, and he’s freed his cock from his pants before you have time to push your pants down your legs. He strokes himself under your watchful gaze, head cocked to the side.

“I’m so fucking hard for you,” he comments, and he sounds a little surprised.

As if he didn’t expect the little action between you two to have been enough for him to get there. You reckon you aren’t surprised, especially not as you feel how wet you are once your pants and underwear are off. 

The cool air of the lab makes you shiver, but Hoseok barely gives you time to realize it before he pushes a hand between your legs, collecting your juices at your entrance before bringing his fingers to your mouth.

“Taste yourself.”

You obey, and you wrap your lips around his two digits, tongue flicking at the pads. He’s still stroking his dick and, as much as you want to look down, you’re a prisoner of his gaze. All you can do is suck his fingers, hollowing your cheeks as you swirl your tongue around them.

“Good girl,” he says once he’s retrieved his fingers from your mouth.

He lets go of his dick as he searches through his pocket for his wallet. He takes it out, finding a condom. He rips the package as your hand wraps around the tip of his cock, thumb smearing the precum all around the head. He hisses but lets you do it, especially as you start stroking him, trying to copy his previous motions. 

You jerk him off for a moment, and he pushes your shirt up enough so that he’s able to wrap his lips around your nipple, sucking hard. It’s your turn to hiss, though his tongue soothes the sting as he swirls it around your nipple before he moves to your other breast.

You rest your head against the wall, trying to focus on jerking him off, but when he dips two fingers in you, arching them to rub at the sweet spot inside of you, you grip him tight.

“Fuck,” he curses as he pulls away, and his fingers leave you empty. They move to retrieve the condom from the package, and he’s quick to roll it on his dick. “Turn around,” he orders.

You bite at your lip, nodding once before you do so. He grabs your hips and pulls them back before he pushes on your upper back until you’re bent, one arm resting against a shelf you find under the white coats.

Hoseok teases your entrance with his fingers again before slipping them in. He finger-fucks you for a while, adding scissoring motions to spread you wide open as you pant from the ministrations. You know he’s getting you ready for his cock, even though you reckon it’s useless.

Indeed, you’re soaked, the perspective of fucking in a public space having made you hornier than you usually are. Indeed, you think you’re already close, especially as he pushes in and out quickly, fingers rubbing you expertly.

You clench around him, and he smacks your ass with one hand. “You like that?”

“Fuck me,” you whine again, begging more than anything.

“Yes, baby,” he says as he massages your ass. “I’m going to fuck you good.”

His fingers leave you empty, and he holds your hips as he aligns himself with your entrance. His cock rubs against your clit, making you see stars before he finally pushes in. He stops with just the tip in, landing another hard slap to your ass.

The sting makes you move back, and you impale yourself on him until his dick reaches deep inside of you, splitting you wide open. He grunts, fingers digging into the supple skin of your hip, and you moan as he hits the bottom of your pussy.

“Fuck,” he curses. “You want to fuck yourself on me, mmh?”

You don’t reply, instead moving forward before pushing back again. He groans again, but then he holds you in place. When you understand that he wants you to stop, you still, glancing at him. He meets your gaze as one of his hands moves to his mouth, and he spits on his fingers.

You grab the side of the shelf hard, knuckles turning white, as he spreads your ass cheeks open, and he smears his spit on your asshole. 

He’s still holding your gaze, and as you say nothing, he pushes his thumb in your ass. It hurts a little, and your eyes flutter shut as you focus on the feeling. 

“Safe word?”

You shake your head no, and Hoseok doesn’t need more to start pounding into you, so hard you can’t help the loud moan that falls from your lips. You clench your walls around him, hard, and he takes that as a cue to bring his other hand to your clit. He rubs it with a consistent rhythm that’s making your legs tremble, though he’s pressing a little too hard. You know he’ll get you oversensitive in no time, so you pinch one of your nipples, focusing on that pain to remain afloat.

That’s where your orgasm finds you, a little under a minute later. Crashing against you, you moan a broken sound that probably would have been his name, and the waves of your orgasm wash over you as he keeps fucking you, fingers never faltering on your clit. 

As soon as you’re down from the high, you pull his hand away from your clit. “Too sensitive,” you mutter.

He slaps your ass but says nothing as he increases the pace of his thrusts, chasing his own orgasm. It hits him as you clench your walls around him voluntarily, and he grunts loudly as he comes, dick twitching deep inside of you.

For a moment, all that fills the air is the sound of your ragged breaths, and it takes you both a while before you’re back in your bodies, coming down from the high of sex. Hoseok pulls out of you, both his dick and his thumb, and he discards the condom, tying it tightly. You put your clothes back on, shakily, as you’re still reeling from the oversensitivity. You run your hands through your hair, making sure it’s not too much of a mess before facing him.

“Damn,” you say once you’re both standing straight, gaze meeting.

Hoseok laughs. “Yeah.”

“Now I have a class to run to.”

He nods. “You do. You think you’ll be okay?”

The way he says it is cocky, and for some reason, it makes you want him again. He must have noticed, because he smirks, tilting his head to the side.

“I’ll be fine,” you say. “We should…”

“Hang out again?” he supplies as you fall silent.

You nod once. “Sometime this weekend?”

He thinks about it for a time before shaking his head no. “I’m going to visit my parents this weekend so…” he trails off.

“Oh,” you let out, shrugging your shoulders. “Just… text me?”

“In the group chat or…” he teases, and you push him as you roll your eyes. It makes him laugh, yet he still pulls you in, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “Yes, I’ll text you.”

You move out of his embrace, a little embarrassed. “Good.”

He smiles, gently, and it’s so far from what he was just a moment ago, pounding into you, that you think you get whiplash.

Jeong Hoseok has a duality you don’t think you’ll ever understand. And really, it leaves you confused all through your genetics class. Nabi never shows up, which you actually are glad for. Because you’re pretty sure she would have taken one look at you and known you’ve just fucked, and you don’t think you’d be ready to deal with the questioning.

You’ve barely told them about what happened between you and Hoseok last weekend. You don’t see yourself admitting that you’re sleeping with him again. You’re just content with enjoying the friend group, and you don’t want to make things awkward for everyone else. So you’ve been keeping it to yourself, and perhaps that’s why you’ve been feeling so confused.

As you sit in the library later, trying to finish your lab report, you spy Jungkook shelving some books. He doesn’t see you or pretends he hasn’t seen you, and that, most of all, makes you realize one thing.

Hoseok isn’t the one that’s been confusing you at all. It’s been Jungkook, and what he said on Sunday morning, that’s been plaguing your every moment.

No wonder you haven’t said anything to your friends.

Wednesday, February 6th 

You hate midterms. They stress you out, obviously, but also the irregular hours make it hard for you to sleep at night, and even harder to follow in your classes. It’s no wonder you end up skipping your afternoon class, heading home to take a well-deserved nap before you study more. Nabi promised to send her notes, considering you’ve sent her the notes of that genetics class she missed a few weeks ago.

It’s a good deal, and you sleep like a rock the moment you get home, face hidden in your pillow. The only downside of taking a nap is, you always feel worse when you wake up. It takes a while for you to shake the grogginess away, so when you wake up around 3:45 pm, you know you’re not going to be able to study right away. Instead, you head to the kitchen, reheating some leftover noodles you find in the fridge. 

You’re halfway through your bowl when your phone rings, startling you. You glance at the screen – it’s Taehyung, on a Facetime call at that. Your heart leaps in your chest; you haven’t talked to him since he left, a month ago, except for some texting here and there to make sure that everything was okay.

You pick up the call, and it takes a few seconds before it connects, and your brother’s dumb face appears on the screen. He looks as if he’s lying in bed, or on a couch perhaps. He smiles as soon as he sees you, and you wish you could hug him through the screen.

“Hey!” he says. “How’s America going?”

“It’s cold,” you complain. “Not as great as Paris I assume.”

Taehyung laughs. “Paris is a dream, honestly. You’d love it here.”

“Duh.” You smile wide, slightly shaking your head. “I still can’t believe you just get to spend a whole semester over there.”

“You can if you want to! I’m sure your major also allows it.”

As much as it’d be fun, you don’t think Paris would be your destination. There are a couple of other places in the world that are higher up on your list, though you don’t know if you’d want to study in those places. You’re afraid it’d take the magic away, as you’ve always been too focused on your studies.

Taehyung has never been like this, so you know he’s been enjoying his time over there. And he has – he visited the Louvres last weekend, and he’s eaten so many croissants he’s convinced he’s going to get a French accent soon.

At that, you laugh, before telling him about your time here. Omitting Hoseok, obviously, but mostly omitting how Jungkook has been not so subtly flirting with you. To be fair, you’re pretty sure he was flirting with you before Taehyung left, but he’s been far bolder now. You know the blame is partly on you – after the Incident, and the revelation that he knows about it, you can see why a guy like Jungkook would be attracted.

He told you himself that he was turned on when you were with Hoseok, didn’t he?

“Hello,” Taehyung says. “Are you even listening to me?”

You shake out of your thoughts, apologizing. “Midterms have been fucking with me.”

“Oof,” Taehyung lets out. “I’m lucky my grades here don’t count in my GPA.” He winces, glancing away from the screen before resuming his attention on you. “I think I’m going to tank one of the classes.”

“RIP.” 

Before you or your brother have time to say anything else, the front door unlocks. Your eyes snap to it from where you’re sitting on the couch, and Jungkook comes into view, hair ruffled by the wind outside. He catches sight of you, offering you a corner smile that makes you want to roll your eyes as your gaze settles back on your brother.

“Is Jungkook home?” Taehyung asks, loud enough for the mentioned man to look your way. 

“Tae!” he lets out enthusiastically, and he kicks his boots off to make his way to your side. 

You want to disappear when he sits next to you, close enough for his thigh to press against yours. He’s still clad in his coat, and you cringe at how cold it is as he leans even closer, his face appearing on your phone. “How’s Paris been going?”

“Bro, it’s fucking sick,” Taehyung answers. “They know how to party here.”

Jungkook smirks. “Any good fucks?”

Your head snaps towards Jungkook. “Bruh, why would you ask him that?”

Taehyung laughs, ignoring you. “I’ve been seeing this girl,” he admits. “Haven’t fucked yet but I’d say it’s coming.”

You wince, nose scrunching up in disgust. “Come on, I don’t want to hear about your sex life, Tae.”

“You’re a big girl now, get used to it,” Jungkook jokes.

You glare at him again, and when your eyes move back to Taehyung’s face, he’s got his brows furrowed. You don’t know why, and the expression melts to be replaced by his usual impassive mask, the one you know he uses when he’s trying to not let his emotions show on his face.

“Well, I’ve been dating her, I’m pretty sure I can tell you I’ve been going on dates?” he says, and it sounds like a question.

You narrow your eyes at him. “Kim Taehyung, why are you starting to date someone in Paris? You’re not going to do long distance.”

“She’s from our college too, chill,” he answers, rolling his eyes at you. “She’s in the exchange program.”

That gains your interest, and a smile moves on your lips. “Oh?”

“Oh?” Taehyung echoes.

“Who is she?”

He offers you a secretive smile. “Not telling before things are official.”

Taking you by surprise, Jungkook grabs your phone out of your hands. The sudden contact of his fingers on yours feels electrifying, even though it lasts just a fraction of a second before it’s gone.

“Hey!” you burst out.

“I’m sure you can tell your best friend,” Jungkook says, holding your phone out of your reach, filming his face.

“Jungkook, give me my phone!”

You can hear Taehyung laughing on his side of the line as Jungkook looks at you. “Nah.”

You sit back on the couch, folding your arms on your chest. You clench your jaw, annoyance moving through you, but you don’t say anything else as Taehyung insists that he’d rather wait before telling you. Jungkook, resolute, asks the question again, and you elbow him in the ribs.

“Ow!” he lets out. “What the fuck was that for?”

You roll your eyes. “Give me my phone.” He looks up at the ceiling in annoyance, before handing you the device. “Thank you,” you say sarcastically.

“Just wanted to get you your answer,” he replies, shrugging his shoulders. “But never mind.”

At that he gets up, sauntering away while taking off his coat. You watch him go, far too confused, but Taehyung doesn’t let you think about it for too long. Instead, he says he’s got to go, but that he’s glad you two talked. You tell him to be safe, and then you hang up.

The sudden silence in the living room makes you glance towards the kitchen as you hear Jungkook rummaging in the refrigerator. It takes all but five seconds for him to yell, “Hey, are you eating my noodles?”

Your gaze widens as it falls on the noodles you’ve been eating, forgotten on the coffee table. You were convinced they were yours earlier, but now that Jungkook’s said it…

You jump out of your seat, grabbing them as you head to the kitchen. “Are they yours? I was convinced they were mine.”

He seems pissed, but when you hand him the bowl, he cocks an eyebrow. “You’ve eaten half of them.”

“There’s still plenty left!” you point out. “I’m sorry.”

“Peach,” he says, smirking. “It’s okay, I’ll eat something else.”

The nickname makes your cheeks burn. “No, really, take them.”

He hesitates for a few seconds more before shrugging his shoulders and grabbing the half-eaten bowl. “Thanks.”

You don’t reply, not knowing what to say as he moves back to the living room. Still hungry, you grab some grapes from the fridge before heading to your room, figuring you should study now. You get comfortable at your desk, studying for your next midterm. It goes well for a few hours, but when the sun has long since set, you hear Jungkook opening the front door, greeting someone.

For a moment, you’re afraid he’s invited a girl over, but it turns out to be Jimin. You relax in your chair, continuing to study, eyes growing heavy with every sentence that you read. Luckily enough, you don’t have a morning class tomorrow, having the week off before the midterm to “study”. So you push through, knowing that it doesn’t matter if you go to bed late tonight.

You can’t focus on your laptop anymore when you hear Jungkook cursing at Jimin from the living room. It’s loud, and you only then realize that the TV is on, and they’re clearly playing some game. Just like that, what was left of your concentration flies out of the window, and you get up to go see what they are up to.

Turns out that they are playing Mario Kart, and from the looks of it, Jungkook is losing. He’s leaning towards the TV, elbows resting on his knees as he concentrates, and Jimin has a shit-eating grin on his lips. The latter’s eyes flicker to you for half a second before he resumes his attention on the television.

“Hey,” he greets you, adding your name at the end. “Want to play?”

You move closer so you can see the screen, and you watch as they drive the rainbow road. “I’m supposed to be studying.”

Jungkook curses loudly, and you watch his character fall from the road. You laugh, right as Jimin finishes the race.

“JK, you suck,” Jimin teases.

Jungkook is pouting next to him, half in concentration and half in annoyance, and he looks stupidly cute like this. You hate it, so you resume your attention on the screen to watch him finish in eleventh place, right in front of Princess Peach.

“Fuck off,” Jungkook drawls, and his gaze slides to where you’re standing. It seems he thinks you are salvation because his gaze lights up. He says your name enthusiastically, adding, “My second favourite Kim sibling!”

You purse your lips, furrowing your brows. “Fuck off,” you tell him.

“Can you please go get some beer from the fridge, since you’re standing?” he adds, begs, ignoring you. 

He offers you his best impression of puppy eyes, and you want to hate him because, damn, he’s good. Too good, and you shake your head in disapproval, though you still turn around and walk over to the kitchen. You fish two beers out of the fridge and thinking better of it, you grab a third one for yourself. You head back to the living room then, handing the cans to the guys.

“Thank you,” Jimin says, but all Jungkook does is wink at you, a smirk playing on his lips.

It makes something warm blossom in your chest, and as he glances down at your naked legs, the feeling soon trickles down to your core. Indeed, you’re only wearing a pair of pajama shorts, and luckily enough, you’ve been shaving your legs religiously now that you’ve been sleeping with Hoseok again.

Your cheeks flush, and you try to figure out where to sit. Jimin is leaning against the armrest, back propped up against a pillow, and Jungkook is in the middle of the couch, next to the L-shaped part. It only leaves you with the option of sitting next to him, and you clench your jaw, though you still make it to his side.

You sit as far from him as you can, grabbing the blanket you always leave on the back of the couch to hide your legs, lest Jungkook’s gaze burns your skin more.

“You wanna play?” Jungkook asks.

You shake your head no. “Just taking a break from studying.”

“With a beer?”

He sounds disapproving, so you glance at him. “Yeah?”

He snorts, but he doesn’t say anything else as Jimin starts another race. You watch them play, cheering for Jimin even though Jungkook is winning. Jimin, ecstatic, keeps drifting into the wall, but he manages to get a blue shell on the last turn, which he immediately launches at Jungkook.

Jungkook curses loudly again as you giggle with Jimin, watching his character – Wario – spinning on the screen. He still manages to finish the race fourth, with Jimin right behind him. 

You’ve been drinking your beer fast, and after the next race, Jimin manages to convince you to play. You choose Princess Peach, obviously, right as Jimin moves away to go to the bathroom.

“Really, Princess Peach?” Jungkook teases, a smirk adorning his lips. “You’re trash with her.”

“The character you choose changes nothing,” you say, glaring at him. “Let me be.”

“Right,” he says, laughing. He leans back into the couch, taking a sip from his beer. “You did earn your nickname after all.”

“Please.” You roll your eyes, before meeting his gaze. “You know I hate that nickname.”

“Hence why I’ll keep using it, peach.”

You punch him in the shoulder, clearly not hard enough to hurt. As a matter of fact, it hurts your hand more than it probably hurts him as your fist collides with his hard shoulder muscles, and you grit your teeth as you sit back in your spot.

“You’re annoying.”

He grins at you, a toothy grin that makes you want to punch him again, in the face this time. “You love it,” he teases.

Before you can say no, Jimin walks out of the bathroom, and the moment is over. You go back to playing, and you end up on a winning streak, which earns you a lot of curses from Jungkook. Right when you’re about to go for a fourth race, Jungkook claiming that this one is going to be his race, Jimin receives a call. 

“It’s Sera,” he says as an explanation, and he walks away to take the call in the kitchen, away from you and Jungkook.

Jungkook immediately turns towards you. “Have you been practicing? You were trash last time we played.”

You snort. “I have better things to do with my free time than to practice playing Mario Kart.”

He cocks an eyebrow at you before shaking his head. “Whatever, I’ll beat you in this race.”

“Good luck with that,” you tease. “Didn’t you finish last in the last one?”

To your surprise, he leans towards you. He’s close enough for you to feel his breath fanning on your face, and you hold yours as he offers you a smirk and a cocked eyebrow.

“At least I finished.”

You don’t know what he’s referring to, so you offer him a quizzical look. “What?”

He chuckles, and one of his hands pats your thigh over the blanket. It still burns, and you gulp.

“Pretty sure that guy you’ve been fucking hasn’t made you finish.”

You flush crimson. “Why the fuck would you think that?”

You hope he can’t hear the furious beats of your heart because you’re pretty sure you’re about to go into cardiac arrest.

“Heard you sucking his dick, and then you tell me he left. He didn’t take care of you, did he?”

The way Jungkook is looking at you right now makes you feel new. Seen. As if no one’s ever looked at you that way before.

“I deserved it,” you reply, throat dry. You try swallowing, but it only makes you gulp again.

“Come on, peach. What did you do to deserve that?”

He’s even closer now. Eyes dropping to your lips as you tentatively wet them, and you feel yourself leaning back. Mostly because you think you’re going to explode if you don’t move.

Jeon Jungkook is dangerous for your sanity.

“Ghosted him,” you admit.

That takes Jungkook by surprise. He starts laughing, shaking his head. “You, ghosting someone?”

Luckily enough, as he laughed he sat back in his spot, and you breathe easier with the renewed distance between you.

“Yeah?”

Jungkook chuckles again. “For some reason, I thought you were a hopeless romantic.”

“Why?”

He shrugs, and you both glance towards the kitchen from which Jimin emerges. Jungkook never answers your question as Jimin announces that he’s going to play one last race before he’ll have to leave, and you’re forced to let the conversation go as he starts the race.

This time around, you can’t focus. You keep falling off the track, hands clammy as your mind replays the conversation with Jungkook. As it reminds you of just how Jeon Jungkook’s gaze was burning on you a moment ago, and you drive into a wall on the second turn.

“Fuck,” you curse.

“Distracted?” Jungkook asks, and the smirk tells you enough for you to understand what just happened.

He was trying to distract you. You fume, focusing on the screen with new vigour as you try to pass Jungkook. He notices your intent, but when he laughs, you once again run into a wall, slowing you down enough that you fall back to the tenth position.

When Jungkook passes the finish line first, he cheers loudly, winking your way. You glare at him, and Jimin laughs at the two of you, though he says nothing. You wonder if he’s heard part of your conversation with Jungkook – if he has, you reckon your brother is going to give you shit for it soon. You can only hope that he hasn’t, because as much as you love Taehyung, you don’t want him to be an overbearing asshole.

Jimin leaves, wishing you and Jungkook a good night before disappearing into the soft snowfall outside. You don’t move from the couch, and when Jungkook heads to the kitchen, you put your controller down, stretching as you yawn.

To your surprise, Jungkook comes back with another beer for each of you. 

“What are you doing?” you ask.

“Don’t you still want to play?” he says as he sits next to you, and electricity courses through your blood as you notice he’s closer now.

“Not really,” you admit, yet you still accept the beer that he hands you.

“Mind if I play something else, then?”

You shrug your shoulders. “Nah, go on. I’ll just drink this and go to bed.”

“Tired of me?” he teases, smirking.

You roll your eyes, but don’t reply to that.

 “What made you think that I’m a hopeless romantic?” you ask after a few seconds, going back to your previous conversation.

He plays with his piercing, eyes sparkling with mischief. “Have you seen your brother? It wasn’t far-fetched to think you’d be like him.”

He’s not wrong. Taehyung is a romantic, through and through. It’s one of the reasons why he loves Paris so much – the city of love, where he’s himself finding love at the moment, it seems. He’s been that way for as long as you can remember, only having dated a girl once in his life all through high school, splitting because she decided to go to an Ivy League college on the other side of the country.

“Right,” you say.

Jungkook switches games to Smash, not saying anything else. It seems the conversation is over, and you watch him play a match as you sip your beer, slower than the other one. It makes you realize that you don’t usually hang out with Jungkook, and you reckon you have nothing to tell him. 

There’s usually always a buffer between the two of you, be it Taehyung or Jimin.

“How have your midterms been going?” he asks all of a sudden, right as you watch his character being thrown out of the screen.

“Huh,” you let out. “It’s been okay,” you admit. “Just stressful, and a lot of studying.”

He glances at your beer. “Sorry for interrupting your studying tonight.”

“Nah, all good,” you reassure him. “I needed a break. I pulled an all-nighter last night.”

He throws you a disapproving look that makes you shrug your shoulders as if to say ‘it’s whatever’. He doesn’t say anything though, waiting until his match ends to speak again.

“You shouldn’t pull all-nighters, they’re bad for your health.”

“It’s fine,” you insist. “I had a midterm this morning, didn’t really have a choice.”

He pulls at his piercing, nodding once. “Fair enough. What are you doing still up though?”

Right on cue, you yawn again. “I’m going to head to bed soon,” you admit. “But I took a nap this afternoon and I always struggle with sleeping after.”

“Pretty sure you’ve got a little friend that can help you with that.”

Your mouth falls open in surprise, but Jungkook’s attention is focused on the screen as another match begins.

“Excuse me?”

“Unless you just use your fingers?” he teases. “How do you touch yourself, peach?”

“Jungkook, shut the fuck up,” you warn.

Though his words have arousal build up inside of you, and you clench your thighs together instinctively.

“Just do whatever you did the other night,” he says, and you know he’s referring to the Incident. “You’ll sleep well after.”

You shake your head in disbelief. “You’re so crass.”

“Yet you’re still sitting next to me.”

You watch his profile, and your eyes fall to the ink on his arm. His forearm flexes as he uses the controller, and you force yourself to look at the screen.

“I’m just finishing my beer.”

He glances at you once, and you think you could drown in the darkness in his eyes. His gaze is gone too fast for you to do just that, but you still feel your pulse racing.

“Relax, peach,” he tells you, voice suddenly husky. It has the opposite effect of making you relax, and you wet your lips as he continues, “Masturbating is only human. You shouldn’t be ashamed of it.”

“Still don’t think I should be discussing that with you,” you say after a few seconds of electric current swimming in your blood.

He chuckles manly. “Fair enough. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

In truth, he did quite the opposite, but you don’t have it in you to tell him. You don’t want to tell him, don’t want to encourage his behaviour when it feels like danger in its purest form.

“All good,” you say, and you’re aware you sound breathless. As a matter of fact, you are breathless, and you know Jungkook heard it too. Know that the look he throws you is filled with lust, sinfully so, and you know you need to leave this room.

He’s your brother’s best friend, after all.

“I’m…” you trail off. He nods once to encourage you to continue, gaze still burning on you even though that means he’s losing his game. “I’m going to go to bed now.”

He glances at your beer. “You’re done with that?”

He’s a little shit. He’s a little shit, and he clearly knows it.

“I’ll finish it in my room.”

His tongue darts out to play with his piercing as his big doe eyes narrow. “Alright. Good night, peach.”

You nod once, and you get up from the couch. The blanket falls from your legs, and you’re all too aware of how he’s looking at you like he’s about to devour you.

“Good night.”

And then you flee, core heated up and heart beating out of your chest. You’re convinced you can feel his gaze boring a hole between your shoulder blades, but you don’t turn around to confirm. You refuse to turn around to confirm, lest you’re never going to be able to make it to your room.

You hate this. Hate that he’s got you hot and bothered too much for you to be able to settle in bed comfortably. Hate that you find yourself seeking your vibrator in your night table.

You only sigh in relief when you’ve got it pressed against your clit through your underwear. And you’ve soaked through your panties already. They’re sticky against you, but you can’t bring yourself to move them to the side. Not for a while, not until you’ve hidden your face in your bed cover to muffle your sounds, if you make any.

No, it takes you a moment before you finally decide to push them to the side, and the direct contact on your clit has you arching your back, stars swimming in the periphery of your vision. You think about Jungkook. Remember the sounds that he makes while he fucks, remember the words that he’s told you.

You remember his big eyes, filled with sudden lust for you. You imagine him murmuring his dangerous words right in your ear, lips moving against you, and the thought of him pushing his dick in you is enough to send you over the edge, vision flashing with white light for so long that you think you’ve gone blind. And then you push the vibrator inside of you, not surprised when it slides right in with how wet you are.

You’re aware of the squelching sounds it makes, but you can’t bring yourself to care. All you can do is imagine being impaled on Jungkook’s dick instead, imagine his inked hand wrapping around your neck as he pounds into you.

In your fantasies, he fucks you even better than Hoseok does. He fucks you into ecstasy, fucks you until you’re high with it, and you go dumb. Until all that’s left is his dick, and it’s no surprise when you muffle a loud moan in the bed cover as you squirt, your juices covering the hand you’re fucking yourself with.

And still, you can’t stop. You turn on your side, hide your face in your pillow as tears swim in your gaze with the intensity of your pleasure. You imagine Jungkook on his side of the wall, imagine him stroking his cock, listening to you choking on Hoseok’s dick, remember him admitting to being turned on by it…

Your other hand moves between your legs, finds your sensitive clit and starts rubbing insistent circles on it, right as another knot starts forming in your lower stomach. You move the vibrator inside of you faster, time your motions with the circles on your clit, and soon enough, a new orgasm finds you, slams into you so hard you think you’ll lose your mind.

Only then are you able to stop, turning off your vibrator and putting it down on the bed next to you, hands shaking slightly. You don’t move for a long time as you swim in the aftereffect of your pleasure, and it takes you a while to decide to go clean up. Clearly, you need a cold shower, but first, you chug what was left of the beer, needing to numb your mind so you can’t be embarrassed by what just happened.

You put your pajama shorts back on, grab a clean pair of underwear and then stop next to the door. You listen to the sounds outside of your room, but it seems Jungkook’s not gaming anymore. So you hesitantly open the door, and when you find the apartment completely dark, you sigh in relief.

You tiptoe towards the bathroom, slowing down in front of Jungkook’s door. There’s a faint red light under his door, coming from the LED lights you know he’s hung in his room, and you wonder what he’s doing in there.

Through the door, you hear some faint feminine moaning and instinctively bite your lips. You only realize you’ve stopped in front of his door when you hear him curse lowly, and then the moaning is interrupted. He’s watching porn. You’re painfully aware that he’s watching porn, jerking off just on the other side of his closed door.

You reckon you will really need the cold shower after all.

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[fiveraccoonsinatrenchcoat]

Quiet My Fears (With The Touch Of Your Hand) Ch. 2

Steve Harrington x f!reader

Description: You have this amazing talent of knocking the wind right out of Steve's chest with words alone.

Warnings: pregnant!reader, mentions of being sick (among other scarier pregnancy symptoms), language

Word Count: 3614

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Rain slammed against the window panes of the Harrington house like bullets. The cold seeped through the walls and ate straight through Steve’s pajamas, and the cup of coffee in his hands was doing little to remedy it. There was zero hint of sun in the sky, it seemed like there would be none all day, and Steve was really regretting coming out from under his covers. 

Steve had only slept in his own house three times over the past two weeks; he’d made quite the home for himself on your couch, living out of a backpack of clothes he’d stuck in the corner of your living room. You had asked him not to leave you alone, and what kind of man would he be if he had said no to that? He probably wouldn’t even have been able to, anyway.

He didn’t know if he would be allowed to sleep in your bed with you, and he had been too afraid to ask. 

While his father never really bothered to care where his son was, and his mother trusted him enough to let him do his own thing most of the time, he was still expected to show his face at home every once in a while. He’d been stuck with the closing shift last night (even though it was outside of his availability, so thanks for that, Keith), and he knew you’d be fast asleep by the time he made it back to your apartment. You’d called the store after you got home at the much more reasonable hour of six thirty. ‘I think I can live with being alone for tonight’ you’d told him. ‘I’ve got a paper to write, anyway.’ 

Fuck, Steve really needed a better job. Preferably one that paid him more and wasn’t open until eleven p.m. on a Thursday night. 

You worked a big girl job at the Roane County Historical Society museum. You were just a secretary, but you had a salary, insurance, and all that other grown up stuff. Nine to five, four days a week, and they helped with your college tuition, too. Come May, you’d have a History degree and a teaching certification, and word on the street said Hawkins Middle was about to have a need for a  new History teacher. Unlike him, you had the perfect five year plan laid out right in front of you. 

Y’know, as long as Steve hadn’t ruined it for you. 

By the time he woke up on Friday, his father was long gone. It was nearing one in the afternoon, and the big empty house felt extra big and extra empty today. Steve glanced out the window as he poured a second cup of coffee and saw the rain collecting in the bottom of the long-since drained pool in his backyard. A handful of stray leaves sat mixed with the rainwater, some stuck in a brown mass on the bottom, some floating lazily atop the puddle. 

He was startled out of his trance by his mother’s voice and nearly dropped his full mug.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” she said as she walked into the kitchen, heels clicking along the tiles. “Or, good afternoon, rather.”

Meredith Harrington was the opposite of her husband in more ways than anyone could count. She actually enjoyed spending time with her child, for one, but there had never been an angry bone in her body. She wasn’t immune to frustration, or worry, but it was never unfounded. Yet still, for every wild flame of rage that shot from her husband's mouth, she counteracted with calmness. Or, more accurately, quiet, fearful resignation. Her husband never put his hands on her or their son, but Steve could always tell that she had spent her whole marriage walking on eggshells, waiting for the terrifying moment that he did, as if it was a simple inevitability. 

Steve loved his mom, but fuck, he wished she would just stand up for herself for once.

“God, Mom, you scared me,” Steve responded, leaning against the counter. 

“I do live here, too, y’know,” she poked back with a smile. “When did you get so jumpy?”

If she ever found out the real answer to that question, she would probably never let her son out of her sight ever again.

“Haven’t seen much of you these last couple weeks,” his mother observed. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” he insisted. “Yeah, I’m alright.”

“Are you sure?” she asked. She put the pocketbook she was holding down on the marble countertop of the island and crossed the room to lean against it, opposite her son. “I can tell, there’s far too much going on in that big head of your’s.”

Steve snorted at the well meaning insult. 

“It’s nothing mom, I promise.”

“Come on now, you know I don’t buy that,” his mother asked with arms crossed. “Talk to me, kid.” 

“I-I don’t know.” Steve was absolutely, in no way, ready to talk about any of what was going through his head, especially to his mom. ‘You might be a grandma come September’ wasn’t really something he could just drop in the middle of casual conversation.

“Is it a girl, maybe?”

Steve’s quiet was proof enough that his mother was, at least partially, right. She gave her son a knowing smile.

“Tell me it’s not Nancy again, right?” she asked. Meredith was generally a pretty forgiving woman, but Nancy had really broken her son’s heart. So, while she would always show nothing but kindness to the eldest of the Wheeler children, she didn’t have to like her. 

“Oh, no. Definitely not,” Steve assured. “That ship sailed a long, long time ago.” 

“Good,” she replied. “Will I ever get to meet this mystery girl?”

Steve just shrugged, deciding it best to omit the fact that the “mystery girl” had lived across the street for eighteen years and swam in their pool every summer for a decade.

“You should invite her over for dinner some time,” his mother said. She leaned forward and pulled a piece of errant lint off of Steve’s shoulder with perfectly manicured nails. “I’ll roast a chicken. It’ll be nice.”

“She doesn’t eat chicken.”

“She doesn’t eat chicken?” she parroted back. “What kind of person doesn’t eat chicken?”

“She’s a vegetarian, mom,” he explained. 

“Ah,” his mom accepted. “Then I’ll make that broccoli cheddar casserole you like. You know, the one I make during Lent every year? Think she’d like that?”

“Yeah, I think she would.” Steve was trying his best to hide his smile, though he wasn’t doing it all that well.

“Alrighty.” She patted her son’s shoulder as she walked past him and gathered her purse. “Well, I have to go run some errands. You’re more than welcome to join me if you’d like.”

“No, thanks.”

“Right. You’re much too cool to tag along with mom to the grocery store. How could I have forgotten?”

“No! No, it’s not that, I-”

“I’m joking, Steve,” she assured with a smile. “Make sure that cup ends up in the dishwasher, okay? Not just in the sink.” 

“Dishwasher. Got it.”

“I love you! Don’t get into any trouble while I’m gone!”

With that, the heavy front door shut and Steve was plunged into the silence of deserted suburbia. 

You were at work, he had the day off with no plans, and the idea of being at all productive sounded absolutely exhausting. He finished his coffee in two big gulps and decided the best way to spend the day would be to crawl right back into bed and wallow in his feelings.

Steve had, very much on purpose, kept most of his thoughts about your current situation to himself. Partially because every time you two did start talking about it, you ended up a slushy pile of tears in his arms. The other reason, though, the bigger reason, was that he was terrified that you would put all of your own wants and wishes to the side and do whatever he wanted you to. The concept of you having a baby you didn’t want just to appease him made him sick to his stomach.

His parents only got married because his mom ended up pregnant at nineteen, and having a baby out of wedlock in 1967 was a social sin of the highest order. So they planned a wedding in two weeks time (a small family affair, exclusively to save face and avoid the questions that arise with courthouse ceremonies), and moved into a big, fancy house so that everyone knew the Harringtons were a normal, run-of-the-mill, perfect American family. His father loved to point out all of the things he didn’t get to do all because Steve came along and got in the way, and his mother. . . 

She loved him. He knew that. He also knew that she had to pack up her life to play house with a man she was always a little bit afraid of, all because of him. His father always resented him for it, but his mom never did. At the very least, she never told him she did. 

The thought of doing to you what his father did to his mom absolutely fucking terrified him, but ‘terrified’ had been his baseline state of being pretty much constantly over the past two weeks.

Steve was no stranger to fear. He’d had extensive experience with the feeling; that sharp heaviness that settled itself behind his ribs and sucked every drop of oxygen out of his lungs. When it came at him hard and fast, that was when he could handle it best. This was not that. This fear was slow and achy, all-encompassing. It sealed itself onto his bones, like some sort of emotional slime. Like a fungus.

And, honestly, most of that fear was for you, not him. The worst thing that could happen to him was that he could end up being a shitty father, and while he would hate that more than pretty much anything in the entire world, it did sort of pale in comparison to your worst case scenario. You could die.

Yeah, maybe he was being a little bit dramatic, but you still could. It wasn’t all that far outside of the realm of possibility. You were already horribly sick, you had been for the past few weeks, and while you had been taking the constant nausea and incessant dizzy spells like a fuckin’ champ, it wasn’t like a positive attitude would be able to save you if you started hemorrhaging. 

Steve really hoped, for your sake, that you had yet to go down this train of thought, but he knew you most likely had. As terrified for you as he was, he understood that you were probably feeling all of it tenfold.

And yet, behind all of that, he was having a very difficult time squashing that tiny inkling of reckless hope that had been planted in the back of his head. He was still a 21 year old dick-head who had zero business taking care of a baby, and he definitely wasn’t allowed to be excited about it. For, like, a million different reasons.

Eventually, he fell back into a heavy-limbed sleep, but was woken up however many hours later by the shrill ring of the phone. A bleary eyed glance at the clock on his bedside table told him it was just passed six o’clock. His mother should be back by now, right? He let it ring.

 A moment passed, and it rang once more. He debated for a moment if he even had the right to answer it anymore, but he begrudgingly pulled himself out of bed and picked it up anyway.

“Harrington Residence,” he grumbled, hoping whoever was on the other side could tell how frustrated he was to be awake. 

“Steve?” Your voice came through the line. It was strained, and he heard you trying your best to disguise the sobs coming from your throat. “It’s me.”

“Hey, woah, what’s going on? What happened?” he questioned, any annoyance gone. 

“Are you able to come pick me up?” you stuttered out between sniffles. “I’m at work. I-I have a flat tire.”

“Yeah, yeah. Of course I can,” he said.  

“Okay.”

“I’m on my way, alright? Five minutes, tops,” he told you. He had the earpiece of the phone tucked between his cheek and shoulder, and the cord was stretched as far as it could go to reach into his bedroom as he haphazardly swapped his flannel pajama bottoms for a pair of jeans.

“Thank you.” Another sob.

“You don’t have to thank me,” he insisted. “Hang tight, I’ll be right there.”

The rain had slowed back to a dismal drizzle that splashed into the puddles stretched across Steve’s driveway. The drive to the museum was usually short, but the evening rush (as if the barely-there Hawkins traffic could ever be called that) slowed him down just enough for it to be annoying. The museum had officially closed an hour ago, though stray patrons and evening administrative duties usually kept you back after hours. 

Steve saw you shivering underneath the awning that hung over the front doors, comparable to a lost kitten stuck in a thunderstorm. The shoulders of your sweater were soaked through, and as Steve pulled into the parking lot and stopped his car, he could see the angry black rivers of runny mascara that dribbled down your face. 

“What the hell are you doing waiting for me out here in the rain?” Steve asked as he jogged up to where you were standing. He removed his jacket and wrapped it around your shoulders. “Why aren’t you inside? It’s freezing.”

“That creepy research assistant is in there and I hate being in the same room as him when there’s nobody else around,” you choked out, syllables broken up by wracking sobs. 

“Alec?” Steve asked, and you nodded. He pulled you tightly against him before adding, “I’ll fuckin’ kill him.”

“Please don’t do that,” you squeaked. 

“Let’s change your tire, huh?” Steve said, though he made no move to let you go. “Do you have the spare?”

“That-” your words were cut off by a pitiful sniffle. “That is the spare.”

“Of course it is,” Steve sighed, though he most certainly should not have, because it just spurred on more crying from you. “Hey, it’s alright. I can take you home and we can get a new tire on it in the morning, okay?”

“I just had a really bad day,” you wept into his shoulder.

“I know, baby. It’s okay.”

“I spilled the hottest tea in the universe all over my legs,” you croaked. Steve winced at the image. 

“I’m sorry,” he said into the top of your head.

“And since it was so hot, I accidentally said ‘motherfucker’ in front of a tour group that consisted exclusively of second graders!” you added. Steve would have laughed at that if you weren’t so wildly upset. “And Creepy Alec was being creepy all day long-”

“My offer still stands.”

“And then I came out here and my fucking tire was fucking flat!” you exclaimed, punctuated by another bout of wailing, the kind that made your whole body shake and your voice stutter. Steve took it the best he could, petting the back of your head and holding you tight, wishing he could go into your brain and dig all of the bad bits out. 

“Let me get you home, and we can get you into some dry clothes and deal with your car in the morning, okay?”

“Okay,” you whimpered. 

Steve let you go, but when he went to pull you along to his car so the pair of you could leave, you stayed planted right where you were. You lifted your watery eyes to meet his, and he gazed at you from where he stood.

“Steve?” you quietly asked him. 

“Yeah?” Steve responded. A silence fell between the two of you, though the lazy rain and evening downtown traffic poked holes through it.

“I wanna keep the baby.”

You had this amazing talent of knocking the wind right out of his chest with only words alone.

“That-” came out of fucking nowhere, holy shit!, he didn’t add. “Really?”

“Yeah,” you muttered over a wobbly lip.

Steve was paralyzed. The soles of his shoes had been superglued to the pavement and his arms had been turned to stone. It was somehow both exactly what he did and did not want to hear all at the same time, because deep down in his gut he knew he wanted that too, but there was a laundry list of reasons why it was a bad idea, why it was irresponsible, why it was maybe everything he ever wanted, and- 

“Steve, if you don’t want to do this, that's okay, but I need you to tell me. Now.” Your voice, shaky and full of fear and yet so, so determined, pulled him up and away from his thoughts once again. 

“I do!” he exclaimed, maybe with a bit too much fervor. He regained his ability to move and closed the gap between the two of you in one wide step. “I do.”

You stood silent with your glassy eyes staring bullets into his. 

“Look, I’m gonna start talking, and I don’t know if I’m going to be able to stop, so if it gets to be too much, just shut me up, okay?” Steve said. He brought his hands up to grace your shoulders.

“What?” you questioned, confusion laced throughout your miserable expression.

Steve had spent the last three and a half years doing everything he could to drown out the sounds of his feelings for you, and Robin was right. It was destroying his brain. 

“I’m really, really in love with you,” he said. “And I have been for a really, really long time. Since way before this, fuck, since before Starcourt, and I’m so fucking sorry for not having the guts to say it until now. I’m the universe’s biggest coward for that-”

“You are not a coward!”

“-And I know you deserve better, but for some reason that still eludes me, you’ve stuck with me through all the bullshit, anyway. You could’ve run away whenever you wanted to, you could’ve gone with your parents when they left, but you didn’t, and that has to mean something, right?”

“Steve,” you wept.

“I promise, there is nothing in this world that I want more than to do this with you, alright? Not a single fucking thing,” he assured you. “I meant what I said. Holding your hand the whole time.”

Steve took your trembling hand into his own, fingers fitting together like lock and key. 

“If you’ll have me,” he added.

Your lips wobbled, you let out another shattered sob, and you kissed him like it was the only thing keeping you alive. Like you would drop dead right on the spot if not for his lips on yours. Steve kissed back, because he knew he would drop dead if he didn’t, and now he had tears to match your own.

“I’m really, really in love with you, too,” you blubbered after the pair of you pulled apart. You had a hand on either side of his face, fingers ghosting over the junction of his jawline and neck, and Steve had his wrapped delicately around each wrist.

“You really wanna do this?” Steve asked you. “You really mean it? You’re not just saying it?”

“I really mean it,” you said definitively. You were still very much crying, though you were infinitely less miserable than you had been five minutes ago. The pair of you stayed swaying in each other's arms, protecting each other from the cold.

“Good, because I really mean it, too,” he responded. 

The thick, foggy haze of emotion was beginning to dwindle, and despite the warm bubble of affection the two of you had created, you were still standing out in the rain. And Steve was pretty sure he could see Creepy Alec spying on them through one of the second story windows.

“Let’s go home. I’ll make you dinner,” Steve murmured to you, and you nodded in agreement. 

Steve drove you both back to your apartment and made a feast of plain scrambled eggs and buttered toast, because it was all your stomach could really handle right now. Turns out, he very much was allowed to sleep in your bed with you, and after he’d finished doing the dishes in the sink, he joined you under the pile of blankets that adorned your mattress. Your cat curled itself up at the end of the bed as you drew yourself into his side. He didn’t remember you being this cuddly, but it was a change he was more than happy to welcome.

After a few minutes, when he’d thought you had fallen asleep, your voice pierced through the quiet of your bedroom.

“You’re gonna be someone's dad,” you muttered into his pajamas. Fuck. He was, wasn’t he?

“You’re gonna be someone’s mom,” he shot back.

“Weird,” you responded. “I think you’ll be really good at it.”

“You think so?”

“Mhm. Definitely.”

And of course Steve was still fucking terrified. Terrified of the monsters, and of his dad, and of all the different ways this could go south, but he had you tucked up against his chest, and he was gonna be someone’s dad, and he couldn’t really bring himself to care about any of the scary stuff. In this moment, for the first time in as long as Steve could really remember, the underlying current of fear that ran along his thoughts was finally overpowered by just how much he fucking adored you.

Tiny Little Taglist: @sheisjoeschateau @hazydespair @damon-loves-pie @pariahsparadise @anislabonis-love @e0509 @alexa4040 @starsforviolet @jennaaaaaaaaaaaa @plk-18 @hoesbloated

[stephdrawsjohnlock]

SH – :More Every Minute: (FTH #3 for @totallysilvergirl) Procreate on iPad Pro

 [...] In Ch. 4 [of my fic Both Sides Now], John unexpectedly announces that after the night they’ve spent TOGETHER together, he has to break up with Mary. Sherlock didn’t see that coming, didn’t dare to hope for it, and flings himself to his knees and embraces John around the waist (John’s sitting in a hotel armchair). They’ve both still got their dyed hair etc. and are wearing white hotel bathrobes.

FINALLY, at zero hour with 2 days to spare, here's pic three of three for my @fandomtrumpshate pieces for 2023! The AMAZING @totallysilvergirl gave me a selection of scenes I could try to draw from their BEAUTIFUL fanfic, Both Sides Now, Of course I chose the HARDEST one to draw because I SUCK at background elements, but I was determined to give them something that would do their story some justice, because it is VERY sweet (the other options probably would have been easier to draw, but this scene specifically made me melt) and I love it!

So yes, this is John and Sherlock, after spending a night together... they're undercover hence why their hairs are different colours, and in the story John has brown contacts as well, but I really wanted to MAKE this John, so decided he took them out LOL (I genuinely don't remember if Silver wrote that he took them out, but they didn't mind I made this creative choice).

As I mentioned, I have a hard time with scenery and such, so I lately try to do things a bit more complex for other people so I can get comfy with doing it. Silver seemed to really like the piece though, despite my reservations about it, so I'm happy that they're happy.

AND I am shocked I got this done on time... I was SO nitpicky with the colours on this one, so I am glad I got it done within deadline of December 31, LOL.

Title is from this beautiful line in the scene being depicted:

John’s moral compass isn’t blind, no, it’s as pragmatic as it is honourable, and Sherlock loves him more every minute, more than he knew he could love anyone, even John.

Everyone please go give Silver's fic Both Sides Now a read, it's really lovely and can be done in one sitting!! It's just a bit over 14K w. <3

Thank you everyone for letting me draw your scenes for you, and I hope you guys like my final art piece being posted for 2023 <3

🖼 I’M ON INSTAGRAM at stephdrawsfanart 🎨 @stephratte is my Primary Fanart Blog! Art © to S.G.M. Ratté. Do not repost or sell.

(Tags below cut, dm to be added/removed)

@totallysilvergirl

@queerbeess

@ayryn-art

@antisocial-otaku

@havetardiswilltimetravel

@yorkiepug

@tea-and-gingernuts

@quantum-sparrow

@chinike

@chained-to-the-mirror

@almosttomorocco

@loveismyrevolution

[ngmn2002]

Ch 106: Random thoughts part 2

part 1

Really… he meant it when he said come play with me, huh? ~

And so, the game started! How fun!!! The dash she made with how she looked had me laughing hard. Love her expressions and words next, SAME GOES FOR TSU. He looks really silly... then cool! His face when counted zero… oh boy… he is enjoying himself too much. ♡ Just perfect!

Nene with Tsu!~ 1- ^^ 2- ^^ 3- ....

I did make a joke before saying Nene might end up running at full speed from Tsu... but this thing is way better!

Haha, how fun.

And… how adorable & funny he looks while he is searching for her… aww….

BOO! AHAHAHA. Love it. all of it. him chasing after her… OMG… too funny… lovely… cute… adorable… ahhh!!!

"I've got you N-ene-chan" WHY? WHY?! WHY was he cut of before finishing it, huh?! you don't know for how long I've been waiting for it to happen!!! Ahhh!!! Feel my happiness when he finally didn't refer to her with "that girl"!! ugh!!!

This thing has to be my favorite!!! AhAHaAHA lol, it reminds me of the time Amane hit his head with Akane's while chasing Mirai. Tsukasa… ah… I'm laughing too hard. It's all too funny. Though his state after the hit is better than Amane's. He seems to be not in pain at all. reminds me of that little moment between 4 yo Tsu and Kou in the red house as well. Alsooo.. wow. what a move you made, Nene-chan! Seems your training to be a perfect twister have paid off! ahh... the whole scene is so funny.

He is really holding back a lot, I believe he can catch her any time he wants so easily, hmm... he wants to go easy on Nene-chan and just have fun, huh?~

...and so, the chase kept on going. Too fun, hilarious and funny. So enjoyable.

Hmm...!!! Leave it to Tsu to make things so much fun.♡ it feels like this is his specialty. ~

XD

I wonder too… why? is there anything… causing him to be like that? And aww… sweet girl.

She is too lovely and too trusting… well…

wow! Is that what's meant by the rumor??? So this thing will take your time… I see… though… the place should be the boundary… not the clock, and not the time left... it seems its steals your own time until you're left with nothing and gone?

Good to see middle school Nene-chan again!!! Too cute and lovely!!!

♡

Yeah, that's the same guy.

How cool. ~ yeah, it looks like my wishes are coming true? I wished to see Tsu this way again, Tsukasa and Nene having fun FUN, dealing with a yorishiro together, Tsukasa making a face... cool.

And wow… love how this boy changes… from cheerful, playful, carefree… to being deadly serious and focused in like… a split moment. even while fighting he kept on going back and forth between these things! A thing to admire about him. Again, love it when he is explaining things!

AWWW!!! THIS! THISSSS!!! Guess who won the game of tag at the end??? ~ ^^ Now.... Oooh!!! little Nene-chan!!! ♡ wanna hold her!!! don't cry dear!!! she was into hamsters since she was so little how adorable!!! gotta love Tsukasa's surprised face upon finding her, same goes for his face when she is crying, and how he is covering his ears, haha. See, Nene-chan? you carried your plan just right. lol how he held her at the end!!! oooh!!!

Another wish of mine that came true... I did say before I wonder if Tsukasa would be making a face like Akane's in here... it's not really the same... but a bit similar.

Haha.

spot the difference. I wonder how Hanako would react to know not only the 2 left him behind… but also went to play tag. fear he would cry harder to find he was double betrayed.

AWWWW...

Uh... soooo... researcher T went through things like these?

Now I respect researcher T more than I ever did before. Thanks for all your hard work, dear researcher.

Hmm...

So now, you too… Tsu… need to bring the researcher T inside of you out!

Yes, good boy.~ Would love to see you taking care of her like T once did. That's going be really interesting. Looking forward to see it. ♡ He has a good record of taking care of other so far I think. Amane, Mit 2.0, and now Nene-chan!

So, yeah. a really nice and funny chapter. I enjoyed it a lot! looking forward to see ch 107!!!

*********

Would like to keep this thing as just funny and not go into any serious stuff like I always do. This chapter is made for me to juuuust have fun and enjoy seeing my little 2 cuties doing the same. ♡ ~ I'm so so so so happy to get this chapter. I wanted to see Tsukasa and Nene this way for so long!!!

My little dream came true with a game of tag. Unbelievable amount of beauty lies in simplicity. ♡ ~ How pleasant!!!!

Though, I will mention a little thing briefly, I expected Tsukasa at some point might take Nene-chan to No.1's boundary and have her destroy the yorishiro. I was right in there. didn't expect he would turn things into a little game of tag, though. This boy… always unpredictable, always so lovely.

still a bit sad Nene still keeps her guard up around him... but maybe this thing happening now might turn to be a push for them into the right direction! I'm all up for it! ~

[makeste]

BnHA Episode 122, a.k.a. NOBUHIKO YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN

THEY CAN'T KEEP LETTING HIM GET AWAY WITH IT!

oh my god.

so first off, let's just get the one big major criticism out of the way: this episode was definitely not up to the same high quality standards as the first third of this season. and hey, I get it! you're doing 24 episodes in all, you're on a time crunch, and you've only got so many animators to go around. and the quality of some of these earlier season 6 eps (118 and 119 especially) was seriously some of the best this series has ever had. by contrast, chapters 284 and 285, while still easily ranking among my favorite chapters of all time, definitely do not go as hard with the visuals as some of the other War arc chapters (that very last 285 page being the one standout exception).

anyway so yeah, it was still a slight disappointment, but I'm fine with it. it does mean Deku vs Kacchan 2 will still retain its crown as my all time fave, but the real meat of this episode was never going to be about the flashy visuals -- it's all about that sweet, sweet character development.

two more very minor criticisms before I get to the OMG nonstop gushing part of this post! one, they did cut out this scene from ch 282 where Tomura originally had TWO quirk-be-gone bullets in his possession and Kacchan actually destroyed the second one.

YOU THOUGHT WE WOULDN'T REMEMBER, BONES. BUT WE DID. so for everyone who is giving Kacchan his well-earned love, praise, and admiration today, don't forget to also give him props for saving Aizawa's other leg, or whichever other appendage this doubtless would have hit. my boy out here lowkey saving his sensei from being ReDestro'd.

and then one final nitpicky little quibble, which is that the anime subtitlers declined to use the "Catch-A-Kacchan" translation, despite it being the single cleverest translation of all time, and by far Caleb Cook's biggest and most important contribution to the BnHA canon. alas, twas not meant to be. BUT ANYWAY NOW ON TO THE GUSHING.

okay so first off, we all know that Aizawa is an absolute badass and the most metal motherfucker in this entire series, and that Shouto has by this point all but perfected the art of swooping in to save the day at pivotal moments, and that the U.A. kids all need ALL OF THE THERAPY GODDAMMIT, and that Deku is a COMPLETE LUNATIC who thinks that HAVING FUNCTIONAL ARMS IS OVERRATED ANYWAYS. yes and yes and yes and yes. and if you wish, you can read all about my thoughts on these things and more, here and here and here and here.

but you already know what I actually came here to talk about today.

first of all, YOU GUYS. the music. THIS FUCKING MUSIC, THOUGH. they used the exact same OST track that was used for the "why was I the one who ended All Might?" speech all the way back in DvK2. THIS IS OFFICIALLY THE "TIME FOR NOBUHIKO TO FLEX HIS VOICE ACTING CHOPS" MUSIC. A TRADITION HAS BEEN BORN.

anyway so if anyone needs me I'll just be sitting here playing this scene on repeat until the end of time. no big deal though. I can quit at any time. not like I'm obsessed with it or anything. I definitely love this scene and this character a perfectly normal amount.

All Might talking about how Katsuki understood from the get-go about how OFA was a secret that could put other people at great risk really hits hard in hindsight. especially when you realize that Katsuki really did know right from the start, and he willingly accepted that risk with no hesitation, and he absolutely did suffer consequences for it (it was his knowledge of OFA that led to him following Deku and subsequently getting involved in this battle). and I don't doubt that he has absolutely zero regrets.

okay but can we seriously just talk for a sec about the way Kacchan's anxiety is practically boiling over when he starts to ask All Might about the Fourth's cause of death?? I feel like this is one thing that kind of got overlooked at the time in the manga because we were so completely distracted by EVERY SINGLE OTHER DAMN THING IN THAT CHAPTER lol. but hearing it again here, you feel how worried he actually is about Deku, and idk why but it all of a sudden just hit me so damn hard.

"I'm worried about him. you are, too." because that truly is what this whole conversation is really about. or at least that's the driving force behind it. behind this whole episode, in fact. it's simple, when you get right down to it: Kacchan is afraid that Deku is going to die. it's literally been the biggest fear on his mind ever since Deku unlocked SIXQUIRKS. right from the start, his mind was immediately going to the worst case scenarios. he immediately deduced that OFA might have a deeper connection to AFO than any of them realized (shoutout to Kacchan for being the original "Deku is a horcrux" truther lol. ONE DAY HORIKOSHI WILL FINALLY REVEAL THE TRUTH AND PROVE US RIGHT). he instantly zeroed in on the sobering fact that all of the previous OFA users died young. and as he reveals here, he took particular notice of the fact that All Might seems to be hiding something about OFA IV's death, and he is goddamn PRESSED about it.

and I absolutely LOVE the way that Nobu voiced this part of the conversation. when he starts to question All Might, his breathing starts to pick up a little, and his voice starts to get louder, and the words start to spill out faster and faster almost like he's in a rush to get it all out, and his voice starts to crack just a little, and he goes from not looking at All Might to hesitantly, almost fearfully glancing at him from the side, and then finally turning to face him head on with his eyes all wary and his teeth gritted like he's bracing himself for the very worst (because he is).

and then he finally just asks him, "was it because you realized something?" and then he takes in this achingly hesitant little breath before finishing with, "...about One for All?" and just. the whole scene is just SO well done. like, he's seriously so fucking scared about this, though. but at the same time he just needs to know, and just. oh my god. and Nobuhiko manages to emote all of this so clearly, and that is such a difficult line to walk when you're dealing with a character like Katsuki who's always so hesitant to show his vulnerability. he has to portray these two separate layers of Bakugou at the same time -- the part of him that is trying his hardest to be nonchalant and matter-of-fact in order to hide his fears and emotions; while at the same time also portraying said emotions which are clearly seeping through anyway, regardless of his efforts.

anyway so yeah. I could talk about this for eighty years and never get sick of it honestly but let's move on.

let me tell you guys, I've been bracing myself for this scene for two full years, and it still kicked my ass. THIS SCENE HAD NO REGARD FOR HUMAN LIFE. literally RIGHT IN the feels. direct hit.

"he's always been that way." no, but guys. the regret when he says that. the way he states it with such simplicity and clarity. almost profound. this is just a truth of the world. this is just how Deku is. this is something that took him so long to understand, but now that he does, he can't fathom how he was never able to see it before. and then that ever-so-slight bitterness that creeps into his voice as he goes on to describe how he fucked it all up. ;_;

and then last but not least!!

"ijimeta." one word, in Japanese. it all comes down to that. and his voice gets so quiet. this whole last part of his speech is so quiet and so soft. but when he says this very last part, his voice wavers perfectly on that last word, and it just. sounds so resigned, somehow, but also just... almost faltering, for just a moment. you can hear the regret as clear as day, but you also hear the fear once again as he finally reveals this fact -- literally his biggest shame; the worst thing that he's ever done -- to All Might. his hero. just, damn.

anyway. so needless to say, despite my expectations being SKY HIGH, this scene absolutely met all of them and blew me away. as expected from the best fucking voice actor in Japan, according to me, a single lone person, whose subjective opinion is absolutely definitely not biased in any possible way.

back to the action! and Nobu getting to do his very best Deku impression lol.

can you believe this kid. one single nerdy analysis speech was all it took for him to start emitting such powerful Main Character Energy that even Endeavor got taken in and was just automatically following orders lol.

awesome choice of music here while Deku and Tomura continued to battle and Bakugou laid out his plan. you know it's good when they still manage to make you feel the tension even though this is basically just a generic action scene, and you additionally already know exactly what's going to happen.

I have no idea why, but that part with Deku's "Kacchan... my 'Deku' means 'you can do it!'" speech juxtaposed against the image of him going all out against Tomura with such fierce determination hit me like 100x harder than it did in the manga. I was NOT expecting that to be as powerful as it was. damn near gave me chills.

literally the only time I've ever been on board with the whole "FUCK YEAH, I'LL JUST BREAK ALL MY BONES AT YOU!!" deal lol. it literally makes no goddamn sense but this scene is just so raw.

THEN WE YEET THE ENDEAVOR!!!!

SO ON-BRAND. NO DEKU-INSPIRED PLAN IS EVER TRULY COMPLETE WITHOUT A GOOD YEETING.

and then the next few moments are some of the most legitimately unsettling of the entire series, as we have Tomura screaming at the top of his lungs while being burnt to cinders (and I mean, I love Tomura dearly, but I get it; he literally just Thanos'd tens of thousands of innocent people), followed by AFO's creepy fucking ghost hand reaching out all "LEND ME YOUR BODY~~~" which is a scene that absolutely NO ONE ASKED FOR but okay.

but then right afterwards though! when AFO finally did take over, and you hear that "TV shutting down" sound effect all of a sudden? and then the next few scenes with all the BKDK flashbacks are also weirdly TV-themed? I could not for the life of me figure this out at first, but now I'm actually thinking it could be a reference to the chapter 306 color page?

OR MAYBE NOT? I actually have no idea. anyway though it may have been random af but it worked for me, what can I say.

AND THEN THE MOMENT OF TRUTH AT LONG LAST.

THIS ACTUALLY IS SO PRETTY THOUGH?? LIKE I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT COLOR COMBINATION AT ALL?

AND IT HAPPENS SO QUICKLY!!!!??? YOU BARELY EVEN HAVE TIME TO BLINK?!?!!

oh. my. god.

THE WAY THE MUSIC SUDDENLY GOT QUIET. THE WAY HIS NARRATING VOICE CAME ON AND, PRAISE EVERYTHING, IT REALLY WAS DEEPER. THAT REALLY WAS THE ADULT HIM. SAME AS DEKU. MY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS ARE SO FUCKING MUCH RIGHT NOW.

AND THEN THE FLASHBACKS!! THE SCENES OF THEM IN MIDDLE SCHOOL!! AND GROUND ZERO!! AND THEN CUTTING TO THE TWO OF THEM AS LITTLE BABIES, AND THE TV SCREEN ALL OF A SUDDEN SWITCHING TO COLOR??? AND THE HANDS??? THE REACHING?!?!

AND THEN?!?!?!

"HEY MAKESTE, IF WE GO AHEAD AND ACTUALLY MAKE THE VOLUME 29 COVER CANON, WILL YOU FINALLY FORGIVE US FOR ALL OF THE HALF-BAKED PAINFULLY OOC FILLER EPISODES AND OVAS?" WELL, STUDIO BONES, YOU DRIVE A HARD BARGAIN, BUT HOW CAN I POSSIBLY REFUSE.

AND THEN THEY FULL ON MURDERED ME!!!!!

that's right bitches. DREAD IT. RUN FROM IT. THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT ARRIVES ALL THE SAME.

holy shit. and then THE END CREDITS oh my freaking heart. words can't even describe.

Studio Bones out here not resting until they've succeeded in making EVERY SINGLE PERSON feel the MAXIMUM AMOUNT OF SADNESS THAT A HUMAN BEING CAN SUSTAIN. their callousness truly knows no bounds.

anyway so there we have it! part one of the spectacular season 6 Bakugou Katsuki Redemption Saga. I laughed, I cried, I cried, I cried, I cried a little bit more, and then I cried a little bit more after that. final verdict: yeah, it was pretty good.

[chthonicgodling]

okay!

an Elysium Drama Update!

ahem that is, another textual Elysium drama update, in my hopes and dreams I want to draw things SO MANY THINGS but I have many things to draw first and i have zero energy lately so. TEXT POST disclaimer this did get very very long what a shockerrr but woo

recap: here. Crucial to read that first! (and its linked predecessor!) *our timeline is all fucky wucky right now: Elysium time has been like. a day. two days.

Tory and Maci divided and conquered through the palace to try to scope out if Loki was like, hiding in another room. he is not—oh my god he is not. he’s really gone. Elysium Loki-pregnancy number 3 officially 3 for 3 on cryptically panic vanishing.

cat was kind of let out of the bag as mentioned in my last informal update when Tory stumbled upon Vali, Nari, Eisa, and Einmyria and accidentally told them about the baby. (not who the other parent was!) AND NOW, here’s what’s happened since, ending with where we are right now which is a genuinely unexpected and pending hilarious twist of events! READ ON✨✨

So, aforementioned four Lokikids went off to convene another Sibling Meeting with Rane about newfound baby info and Loki’s REAL disappearance while Tory went off to find Maci. did we find him?!?! no, says Tory very quietly. Maci’s whole face falls she’s now in tears. (“…He really left…?”) okay.,, well. NOW what do they do?????

Tory mentions that some of the kids know what’s going on now and that they were calling a meeting together; maybe they could pop in and see if the kids had any ideas on how to find Loki so they could all work together. okay great plan! Only problem: this is a TOP SECRET meeting.

….Problem quickly solved by ambushing Libby (worst liar of the litter) in the hallway.

Unfortunately when Libby returns from asking Rane if they can join, Rane’s apparent answer was not even a no, it was an ABSOLUTELY NOT. too fucking bad though— Tory and Maci follow Libby and crash the meeting.

it is here that Maci and Tory — and we, the eagerly watching distressed audience — now discover some things about the LokiKid clan:

1: hilariously, Rane is in charge as self appointed leader. - she is 11 years old yes. ruling with an iron fist. No one questions this, not even much older and bigger brothers Fen & Jör, who are present through this meeting as looming figures OVER HER SHOULDER backing her up. Rane is holding court.

2: less hilariously and actually very upsettingly - this may be the worst possible moment to discover, in a crisis, how apparently most of Loki’s kids seem to FUCKING HATE TORY AND MACI. oops! uh-oh! Especially Rane and Vali, glaring the most predominantly.

After a tense stand off with Rane (finally with Tory desperately threatening to pull rank on her to let them attend this meeting; Rane’s response, dryly: “Don’t bother. Your titles carry no weight amongst the children of Loki. We only humor you to be polite.”) Eisa and Einmyria convince Rane to let THEIR parents stick around, also helped along by Tory finally telling them that the new baby on the way was sired by him.

…mass shock. Oh so MACI drove him out?!??! QUICK reassurance that no no no she’s on his side now she’s just as devastated that he’s gone— no one’s really even buying this and tensions grow.

Because well, the kids want him back but THEY know the drill. Loki leaves when he has babies. He’ll send for THEM eventually, privately, but he’s not to be disturbed - certainly not for Tory and Maci, eeeugh. Rane (and Vali) are the most coldly vicious about this but lmfao all of them are kindave in agreement, at least no one’s correcting them. They go back and forth, Tory trying to explain in increasing frustration - the baby is Too big and Loki is weakened. Loki’s a fucking idiot and running from his problems and is not in a good mental space. They love him they need him he has to come home. He just has to.

But Rane, and on behalf of her siblings in a United front, is having none of it- YOU KNOW WHAT some choice canon convo snippets and oh my god I desperately want to draw this REMEMBER RANE’S 11 AND WEARING A FUCKING TOP HAT - btwwww Rane’s ALWAYS been like this, in my brain. this is her very first opportunity to shine! ahem,

Rane: “How arrogant it is to presume he’s better off with you, of all people, than caring for himself.”

Tory:  “Is he better off without us?”

Rane: “Well. My father’s judgement of his own circumstances is absolute. Seeing as he’s no longer here, you tell me.”

[…]

Vali: “Well, here we are. He always has reasons for fleeing as well.”

Maci: “Your father’s an anxious self-destructive wreck, who we love and care about. His judgements and reasons historically suck, and he needs to come back home.”

Rane: “You especially have no business seeking his return. You’re an enemy of my family. And now you’ve driven him away.”

melting melting melting AHHHHHHH

this back and forth goes on and on until finally LIBBY interrupts, watching this whole thing timidly as newest Lokikid, adjusting to the dynamic;

what happens, says Libby, if we don’t find him and bring him home?

well, worst case scenario, says Tory, is injury to the child; to Loki himself; or both. Maci points out that he could end up losing his powers and stuck somewhere where no one can get him, as he had lost his powers during pregnancies before (Rane herself even.) suddenly the gravity of this all hits home when Nari points out that their pantheon can die - Loki could DIE. childbirth is an injurious death. Suddenly, it’s not a matter of what Loki would want (they know what Loki would want, to be left alone) but what’s BEST for his well-being (bringing him HOME). Reluctantly…,,, the tune changes. Vali is the last onboard, but Rane’s word is absolute (lmao).

…Fen also admits he was going to look for Loki anyway regardless of this meetings outcome.

So! How to find him? Finally, the kids share with Tory all of Loki’s usual hiding places. Across realms, though with a baby he’s probably too weak to do this. Often in the upper world, cloaking houses in disguise and blending into Midgard. And finally, in the POCKET VOIDS of the Underworld……..

IMPORTANT INTERLUDE! Now, the pocket voids are an Elysium canon thing. When Loki magically fused with the Underworld long ago, the aftershocks of the magical turnover created many little spaces and gaps “between” physical spaces of the Underworld. They’re almost impossible to find, shifting and infinite, private and discreet. …unsettling and empty. Kind of a collection of “backrooms” of the Underworld, liminal spaces that no one but Loki, as accidental creator, can get into. Only Loki knows how to thoroughly navigate them.

The existence of the pocket voids was discovered when Thanatos escaped back in 2013, I promise I’m going somewhere with that thought. as this was a series of areas that Thanatos was able to escape to. well how was Thanatos able to get into those himself?? I’ll get to that. :3

For now, back to the present — so, Rane assigns her siblings to look for Loki. Vali and Nari are adept at haunting the upper world and could potentially find him up there; Fenris and Jör can travel between realms; the other kids can spread across Elysium, the Underworld - finally as for those pocket voids- still hold that thought! Anyway!

The meeting disperses with Rane refusing to give Tory and Maci an assignment to look for Loki. oh you’ve done MORE than enough, she sneers. Just wait around for him, if you really must. ….ummmm Firstly never forget that Tory’s got JUST as much as a temper as Maci does - it’s just.,, downplayed due to how much time he spends next to Maci, who is worse fgkfkf. But here now, Tory, angry and upset, demands to know exactly what he’s even done?! This isn’t fair!

Rane responds,

“What have you done? You’ve driven our parent away from here - the harder you cling, the further he runs. Not with any of us - but we know him better than you do. And though he may come and go, as through the births of myself and many of my siblings, the child you’ve given him could properly kill him, and now he’ll have to be dragged back against his wishes. Furthermore, you’ve inserted yourself into a private gathering of which you’re not welcome.

We will handle this. Your involvement is no longer needed beyond what you’ve already begun.”

Tory snaps back,

“He consented to having the child. Everything I’ve done was performed with Loki’s permission, gathered beforehand to avoid this situation, but he ran anyway.”

and Rane, coldly,

“That’s your fault for believing him, then.”

so.

S… so.

Both of them fuming and… hurting and trembling,, Tory takes Maci’s hand and retreats with her. They make it as far as their bedroom before Maci bursts into tears (“Holy fuck, that was horrible”), oscillating between raging at how that had gone, the fact that Loki really fucking left; to devastation, over the helplessness they feel and the fact that Loki really left.

Tory makes it as far as Maci choking out that she doesn’t know what happened “he was happy! I thought he was happy.” before Tory is also quietly in tears (and blaming himself! probably because Rane told him this was his fault!)

and so Maci and Tory spent the evening clinging to each other, ANXIOUS about Loki’s wellbeing, furious that he’s gone, and above all, utterly, utterly, heartbroken.

so…. currently.

🥲

Let’s lighten the mood - Return to those pocket voids.

There is actually one other person besides Loki who can get into those - NOT Thanatos; in fact.,

the ONE other person who can access the voids is CHAL.

First discovered by Chal when she was on the run from Ker long long long ago, Chal has always been able to break into, reside in, and teleport through the pocket voids of the Underworld (and had brought her father there during his prison break Shh oops). It’s where Chal was finally discovered and “captured” when they brought her to the Elysium house. Though she hadn’t known it until very recently, it turns out that Chal’s realm of Reincarnation - a slipping of shades across the thin life and death veil - has granted her unprecedented access to slipping across the thin veils of the spaces of the Underworld itself. Though she can’t NAVIGATE them like Loki, she’s always been able to get into them, and is the only person besides Loki himself who can.

Now here we are back during that meeting where, all potential Loki hiding spots are covered except for this one; the biggest, and the one Loki is probably most likely to actually be in.

Libby volunteers Chal to look!

(chal, notably NOT present during this meeting)

here lmao actually, another canon snip:

Libby: “Chal knows how to get into Loki’s pocket voids, maybe I can look with her.”

Rane:  “Ugh, no. Your horrid rude sister isn’t going to do any favors in courting Father back.”

Einmyria:  “Hey, that’s our sister too! …Agreed, though.”

Tory:  “Maybe if she took Bel with her as a buffer?”

Libby:  “Sure, he’s slightly better.”

Slightly lmao 💀And so here in current canon!!! in a truly shocking turn of events!! of ALL FUCKING PEOPLE, Chal and Bel are currently looking for Loki through the voids!!

will they find him?!?! will they convince him to come back?!?! IS THIS THE MOST INSANE LEFTFIELD TWO MESSENGERS TO SEND AFTER LOKI??????? I can’t believe this but it is SO good! currently:

Chal: “…Loki used to— Loki was a fucking, supervillain. Isn’t Loki fucking dangerous? Is this dangerous? Is he going crazy in a fit of fucking rage? What if we have to fight him? I, I can’t win against him in a fight. I don’t even know if I know how to fight anymore and I can’t do magic.”

Bel: “He hasn’t been overtly malicious in a long while.”

Chal: “Maybe he turned overtly malicious while he was running away. Maybe he’s gonna be in a real overtly malicious fucking mood about me and you trying to talk to him.”

COOL! GOOD LUCK YOU TWO! YOU’RE VERY COMPETENT!! oh my gods!!

some very welcome brevity from Maci and Tory sobbing in each others arms around the gap in the bed where Loki was though. again I do want to draw any of this but!! IN NO TIME SOON SOOOOOO

HEY SORRY I DID SAY this was ALLLLL AN excuse for ANGST….. PHEW!!!!

and so if you made it to the end!!!! first of all jfc gbless ily. second of all: STAY TUNED!’ updates of course to follow!!! maybe art one fucking day too fgfkfkgkkgkgk

[starlightandetherealshadows]

Hello! Feel free to ignore this, but I wanted to give my two cents about the MC's initial personality while playing. Now, this may be blunt, but at first, I was incredibly disappointed. Usually, I tend to play stoic/quiet MCs who don't lash or speak out, and it seemed to be quite the opposite to the distrusting and stoic mc in the game. However, I was thinking extremely hard about this, and I actually get why the MC was so outspoken, especially when V literally pointed a gun at them. Stoic and stubborn MC, from what I saw in the prologue, could easily be more nonchalant *before* the alien invasion, but that, obviously, changed. When C found them and brought them to the hideout, I didn't take into account that MC was in a vulnerable position, and I only focused on the part that MC hadn't interacted with another person in years. So, yeah, of course, MC may be overwhelmed, but their not gonna let people (V *cough*) walk all over them. I guess the thing was that I was so used to stoic MCs in IFs just standing on the sidelines and observing, but that is obviously not that kind of IF. The thing that had gotten to me the most, however, was the second-hand embarrassment of MC actually talking back to V after he blatantly insults them because I could never😭 I guess what I am trying to say is that even though I was seriously taken aback, none of the characters (including MC) are not gonna be 2-dimensional (as you have stated multiple times), and it has definitely grown on me, even if the MC was a little more of a fire-cracker than I expected. I am really looking forward to seeing where you take this story, and I will absolutely be eating it up because even if I might have to be tossing my phone across the room occasionally (bc my second-hand embarrassment is so easily triggered😭😭), I cannot get enough of your writing and characters!! I hope this made sense because I was just rambling about my take on if you are willing to make the MC a little more stoic or have some mute choices, which I am not against, but at the end of the day, I will still be reading the fuck out of Memento Mori! Have a good day/night!!! MWAH💋

Hi sunshine!

I appreciate your super-thorough analysis of both MC's personality and also your initial/developing reaction to it!

Just wanna offer some perspective on why I'm writing MC the way I am (you've already nailed a lot of the points but this is gonna be a succinct explanation from my head hehe)

MC is ultimately a fully fledged character in Memento Mori. While writing, I have about six different MC's in my head, each with distinct personalities, motives, and reactions to events. As I'm writing Ch. 2 in particular, I'm using these characters to influence the choices available and the stat checks necessary for certain actions. MC was never going to be a self insert. I love a good self insert sometimes, but it doesn't work with this if!

What makes characters feel realistic and multi-dimensional to me is their ability to break out of their different archetypes. We all know the ones like The Mean Girl or the Shy Kid or the Comic Relief. We can use your Stoic!MC example. Do we as humans act the same exact way every single day with every single event and interaction? No, we don't. Because we are complex, muli-faceted individuals that can have conflicting thought and actions, or opinions. What makes a character feel flat is when they are only given like 3 personality traits and stick to those regardless of what happens around them in the story.

So in Memento Mori, your Stoic!MC will have moments where they're outspoken and opinionated. The Charming!MC will lose their cool and lash out rather than smooth talk. The Friendly!MC will snap at someone without thinking. We aren't perfect, neither is MC, and I think that adds dimension to what can easily be a very blank slate kind of character. This isn't exclusive to MC, either! Veronica/Vincent will be nice to you sometimes for seemingly no reason. Zero will have moments where he is not okay and rejects your comfort when he reads it as pity. Cecelia/Chase will not always be the bouncy comic relief that uses humor to make everyone smile.

To add insult to MC's injury, like you mentioned in your ask, they are suffering from extreme amounts of PTSD and trauma. They have lost everyone and everything, they're a young adult living in complete isolation for two years. They're starving, they're injured, they hate themselves and being alive. It's going to take them a while to feel like themselves. In the span of one day, they've been nearly killed by a monster, then they're covered in blood guts and sweat when they meet C, then C brings them to meet 6 other people (including two aliens) and now they're going on this extensive journey with complete strangers, while that very morning they were contemplating ending it all. it's a lot.

By the time MC meets V, they are already at their limit of dealing with bullshit so V pointing a gun at them was never going to fly. V insulting them was a no-go either. Now, in the future, MC can ignore V more often because they'll be less on edge than when they were all first introduced. Once they have time to process, then they can react what is most familiar and comfortable for them. It will take time.

I laughed when you called MC a firecracker! I'd say they're more...unpredictable as a character when they're under high stress. As time goes on, they'll adjust and mellow out in some ways, but right now? MC has had ENOUGH with feeling like shit all the time.

I'm really glad you were a bit embarrassed by MC talking back to V because that was my goal AHDSEWLKMFRLK it's supposed to feel a bit uncomfortable. It's MC trying to clap back on someone when they have lost most of their social skills. It made ME cringe while writing it. Like oof MC, just ignore them???!!!

I'll definitely be adding some more options to be a bit more stoic or selectively mute in chapter 2, and as for chapter 1, I think more options to stay silent while talking to Cecelia/Chase or when they're speaking with Delphine/V could be good too. I'll see how it flows!

You'll see at the beginning of Ch.2 that MC already feels a tiny bit better. Nothing much but at least they aren't alone anymore, and they have a hot shower and some real food. So small wins for MC!

I think that's all I wanted to say for now!!! Thank you again for your message, my friend!!! I'm glad you're liking my writing and my characters, it does mean a lot to have your support!! <3

[bonesandthebees]

Okay so I just got hit with covid for the first time and I am ILL(TM) so there’s a high chance none of this is coherent, BUT I am a firm believer that you should always write for you. Which means that if you want to put the /tntduo tag on Rose, you should just do it because ultimately the people who don’t want to read that can either get over it or go read something else. Write the story you want to write and would want to read and the right audience will find it. (This is me begging you to say Fuck it we Ball.)

Also, I ran as soon as I saw there was a new summary, but I had zero time to scream about it and then I got sick, but now I’m going to scream about it anyway. I do think the snippet is a lot better than the first summary and now that we are slightly further in the story you can already reveal why Tommy is there. What gets me more is the description itself.

Assassinations?!? Like that was kinda a given, but having the confirmation has me excited. But more importantly THE IMPLICATION THAT THE CHOICE IS IN WILBUR’S HANDS? The implication that he has the power to control who will be chosen. Like either because Sam might outright ask him, or because he’s pulling the strings, it it would say Phil then, so that kinda also implies that Phil will still take whatever choice Wilbur makes. And yes I know it says guided by his father, but still.

And then the kicker [Wilbur must choose between loyalty, love, and power.] or in order: Niki, Quackity, and Tommy. Niki being loyalty is obvious, they are childhood best friends, but that loyalty is already wavering. Quackity being love is why we need that damn tag (I am LOOKING again). And Tommy is power because he’s the easiest to take advatange of, which means that if Wilbur plays his cards right, he could turn Tommy into his puppet king. (He could be that unspoken, most powerful man in the country, himself). But I kinda already sent an ask about that.

(1/2)

-🎄

OH NO I’m so sorry spruce!! I’ve been a little sick the past few days but it’s not Covid I think it’s just a cold that won’t go away. I’m sorry for you though I hope you’re getting plenty of fluids and rest

Also you and Eli are both firmly in the camp of fuck it we ball so I think I will end up putting the tag on the fic because it really does lend an interesting layer of complexity to their characters relationship

Yesss I liked the new snippet for the summary a lot more, I wanted to use a snippet from ch 2 for the summary back when I first was publishing rose but the problem was I hadn’t written ch 2 yet lol. But yeah of course a royal political drama was going to involve assassinations, who do you think I am? :) /lh

Wilbur and Phil are both going to have a lot of influence over who gets picked, you’ll see. And I’m glad you figured out the three traits and who they line up with so fast. Eli wrote that whole bit (really anything past the snippet was actually from Eli bc I’m so bad at writing summaries) and I was like THATS SO GOOD when they sent it to me.

But yea, the three options. Loyalty, love, or power. Because Tommy will give him so much power. It’s a matter of putting ambition above everything else.

[tuiyla]

btw, do you already dislike Xander? I'm kinda hoping you're going to start writing rants about how much he sucks lmao, but tbf his worst moments are yet to come. I also hope you'll end up hating another male character that most people love, much to my chagrin.

Alright! No more letting this ask sit. Anon, I hope you're around and doing well because we're finally gonna talk about Xander Harris.

I wanted to answer this at different points during my Buffy journey and now, towards the end of season 5, I have to say that... Xander's fine. I totally get where your hope comes from, my notorious Finn posts and all and though I'll get into aspects of Xander I dislike in a moment, I'm afraid I can't be the manhater you need on this occasion. From what I've seen though he's not that well-loved? In my limited experience anyway. So the Finn Hudson effect doesn't apply in that sense, either.

Where I would be frustrated with Xander in similar ways I am about Finn's ch is that sometimes he is framed in an annoying way. He never gets even just called out for lying to Buffy at the end of season 2 or acting like a major asshole in 3x02. All the Scoobies are coming at Buffy there, sure, but none with such vehemence and in such a self-righteous way. Self-righteous hypocrites really piss me off. Had I answered this at the start of season 3 I probably would have been much harsher on Xander than I'm gonna be now. His Angel hatred was so irrational and not worthy of an "I told you so" upon Angelus' turn and it's irritating how entitled he is to Buffy's decisions. Not to mention, I don't care if him sulking about Buffy's rejection is realistic teen boy behaviour, it's tedious and embarrassing. She made it clear that she was not interested and Xander was such an ass about it. His crush on Buffy was a pain to get through and frankly, I don't think Xander deserved either of the girls he's been with since. Cordelia most definitely not and I think Anya deserves better, too, because she's genuinely devoted whereas it really feels like Xander's with her just because it's convenient for him.

His latest really, really annoying moment was his Riley speech to Buffy but honestly I'm just so glad Riley's gone so I'm gonna swiftly move past that. Whatever, Xander tried helping Buffy and luckily she was too late to act on his advice. What stupid advice, anyway, as if Riley was one in a million. Hon, he was literally the 999,999 in a million.

And I said I wouldn't go hard on the guy, huh? Lmao well that was pretty much the list of my grievances. In general? Xander's... fine. He's not gonna be my favourite Scooby in any scenario, no way, but I think since mid-season 3 he's been a lot more tolerable and even enjoyable on occasion. He does feel sort of useless at times but that's acknowledged and a part of his journey so I appreciate that. I don't fully buy into him being the Heart of the group as that position is something that I hold precious, see Katara in ATLA. And no way Xander can even touch what someone like Katara represents within her group dynamic. But I also see that being the Heart is mostly about courage here, loyalty, and as much as he makes mistakes I gotta give Xander that.

Even in that interpretation I struggle with the guy because a) he does have these icky sexist moments that are just not funny and they're meant to be and b) he's not... that full of heart. I just think pettiness gets in the way too often and, compared to someone like Willow's flaws his are more annoying and in general, more. He's not quite the Nice Guy syndrome because he is general a genuinely good friend to Buffy and the others but I wish he wasn't such a teen boy. Or, if he was, cause ya know they unfortunately do exist, that he was framed just a little more critically. I get that that's too much to ask of Whedon's late 90s feminism but it would make Xander an easier character to vibe with. I mean, I'm guessing there must be a reason I had zero idea about his existence prior to watching the show but had a vague idea of most other Scoobies. I knew so many things about Willow and was aware of chs like Oz, Cordy and Tara, but I was half-expecting Xander to only last a season or two. Because surely, if he was there for the whole show I would have heard people talk about him already.

So, yeah, it might not sound like it because I more so talked about the negatives than positives but I don't hate Xander by any means. He's not frustrating enough to be loathed or ranted about but he's also not nearly engaging enough to be on the level of the other Scoobies. He has his moments, though, and more often than not I find myself enjoying Xander-centric episodes. Soooo... is that anything? I hope I don't disappoint but now that I'm at the end of season 5 maybe you can share more about your Xander thoughts, I'd be happy to listen.

[jolinaprincess]

INTRODUCTION

Hello everyone and to the people that is following me and thank you for following me. I know it's slow going but I was going to put ch.2 up but it seemed like it needed alot of work from the people I asked help from. So, starting backward instead of forward... here is the introduction of the story please like and comment. DON'T OWN THE PHOTOS AND BTS

Yn (codename Bella when doing jobs for that monster) :  20 year's old, a fighter with a kind heart still, unwanted child, sold to a monster/ devil Mr. Melgar at 15 yrs old when presented as an Omega. Trained in Assassinations, Combat, Weaponry, Seduction, and Acting. Will kill anyone in a heartbeat whoever hurts her made up family. 

Friends: BTS at childhood but left when she was 7yrs old.  During the time she was at the monster's base she made friends with a girl named Jolina, both sons of Mr. Melgar and also with Mr. Melgar's sons' group of friends. Mates: BTS

BTS: Alpha's, mid to late 20's, own's legit restaurants, nightclub's, etc., sometimes works with the government even though they are Mafia Kings, was born into the mafia world and was trained since their early teens. was searching for Yn for a few years until they met their best childhood friend Janet (aka Yn's stand in), they know that Janet isn't really Yn just acting dumb until Yn show's up and have the long-awaited talk, Made South Korea a safe haven for Omega's, and Beta's. Childhood friends of Yn and her mates also.

Mr. Melgar/Monster/Mr. Devil: age late 40's Power-hungry two-faced guy, has legal and illegal businesses/dealings, has wife and twin boys, Cold hearted person but loved his wife and kids once upon a time before money and power went to his head. Bought Jolina when was 15 yrs old., Doesn't get his hands dirty by letting his girls/boys do the dirty work for him. A person who really hates it when he doesn't get what he wants.   

Yuki Melgar & Zero Melgar: Mr.Melgar twin boys Alpha's, born 30mins. before his brother, they are 29 years old and nine years apart from Yn., Yuki is Tsundere  while Zero is more Tsundere. They want their father dead for killing their mother and her family. They are both trained on taking over their Father's Legal and Illegal businesses. Closer to Yn than to Jolina since Yn is the baby of the group. Friends with their father allies son's all of them wanting a better life without Mr. Melgar and their friend's fathers in it.

Jolina/Yn's partner: A Omega 29 years old one year apart from the twins and eight years apart from Yn, She was bought when she was really young doesn't remember much about her life before being bought. She was taught everything there was to know about getting the job done, was brainwashed into being a cold killing machine loyal to Mr. Melgar until meeting Yn. When she met Yn it was in one of the girls rooms in the Melgar mansion and saw Yn curled into herself on the bed crying and decided to train Yn in everything she knows to survive in this type of world. 

Janet (a.k.a Yn's stand in): A 20yrs old Omega. She has an uncanny similarity to Yn as in body and looks, she was in trouble with one of the local gang's when Yn and Jolina found her and helped her out. Yn realized that they uncannily look like twins except with different parents which is odd but not unheard of. Since at that time with Yn being 17 almost 18 years old, she asked Janet to watch over her childhood friends Bts so that they could stop searching for her and just to live life. So, after months of teaching Janet self-defense, and how to act like Yn somewhat since it's been a long time since they last saw each other, Yn and Jolina dropped off Janet in the airport heading for South Korea. Once at South Korea airport, she called for a taxi then told the driver to take her to one of the BTS's businesses and the rest is history. She doesn't know that BTS knows that she is not the real Yn but was playing dumb. 

HOW SOULMATES/MATES WORK

SOULMATES ARE MATCHES TO THE SOUL AND YOUR FOREVER PARTNER. IT STARTED TO APPEAR 50 YEARS AGO WHEN PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD STARTED HAVING REALLY WEIRD SIGNS ON THEIR BODY. EVERYONE STARTED TO GET SICK SINCE THEY WERE WITH PEOPLE WHO WEREN'T THEIR SOULMATES.  A LOT OF PEOPLE DIED FOR BEING STUBBORN ON NOT FINDING THEIR SOULMATES AND STAY WITH THE PEOPLE THEY'VE CHOOSEN. IN ORDER FOR HUMANITY TO KEEP ON GOING  THE GOVERNMENT FORCED THE PEOPLE INTO FINDING THEIR SOULMATE OR OTHERWISE BE KILLED IN THE HANDS OF THE GOVERNMENT SINCE PEOPLE WAS STILL BEING STUBBORN THE GOVERNMENT ORDERED THEIR SCIENTISTS TO COME UP WITH A WAY TO KEEP HUMANITY GOING THAT'S WERE ALPHA,BETA,OMEGA COMES IN AND STARTED TO EXPERIMENT WITH THE ANIMAL DNA AND HUMAN DNA TO SEE IF THEY CAN BE STABLE TOGETHER. IT TOOK A FEW YEARS TO GET IT RIGHT BUT THEY FINALLY DID IT AND MADE IT INTO A ONE TIME PILL. ONCE THE GOVERNMENT ORDERED THE PEOPLE TO START TAKING THE PILL AFTER TAKING IT PEOPLE STARTED TO ACCEPT THEIR SOULMATES SLOWLY BUT SURELY. THAT WAS THEN NOW IT'S MORE ACCEPTED AND THE GOVERNMENT EASED UP ON IT DURING THE YEARS SINCE NOW THERE ARE DIFFERENT TYPES OF RELATIONSHIP: SOULMATE, UNIQUE SOULMATE, AND MATES. 

ALPHA: THE LEADER TYPE, DOMINANT PERSONALITY, THE MAIN ONES WHO OWNS BUSINESSES DOCTORS, THERE ARE ALPHA'S WHO ARE THE FOLLOWING TYPE BUT NOT IN THE BEDROOM. ALL ALPHA KNOW'S HIGHLY OF THEMSEVLES AROUND THE WORLD EXCEPT SOME STATES IN THE USA RECENTLY BUT SLOWLY MOVING TO OTHER STATES AND SOUTH KOREA. 

BETA: SECOND LEADER TYPE WHEN ALPHA IS NOT THERE OR HAS DONE SOMETHING WRONG IN THEIR EYES. MAKING SURE EVERYTHING IS RUNNING SMOOTHLY ANDTAKEN CARED OF. TREATED HORRIBLILY IN THE OTHER STATES THAT IS SLOWLY CHANGING AND AROUND THE WORLD EXCEPT STATES THAT ARE CHANGED AND SOUTH KOREA, THEY GET TO HAVE HIGHER PAYING JOB UNLESS THEY LOVE THE JOB THEIR DOING SO JUST A HIGHER PAY, BETTER HEALTH CARE AND PAID VACATION TIME. 

OMEGA: MAINLY TO TAKE CARE OF THE FAMILY AND USE FOR BREEDING. MOSTLY SEEN AS A BABY MAKER, TREATED AS LOWEST OF THE LOW THEY HAVE LOW PAYING JOBS AND SEEN AS TRASH. SOME STATES IN THE USA HAVE CHANGED THEIR LAWS AND VIEWS GIVING FREEDOM AND RIGHTS TO THEM IN OWN THEIR OWN STORE OR BUSINESSES. WHILE THE OTHER STATES ARE SLOWLY CHANGING THEIR LAWS NOT THEIR VIEW. IN SOUTH KOREA OMEGA HAS THEIR FREEDOM AND RIGHTS, THEY ARE SEEN AS EQUALS.  

UNIQUE SOULMATES ARE THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE WHICHEVER SIGN THAT WILL HELP YOU FIND YOUR SOULMATE OR SOULMATES OR DON'T HAVE SIGNS, BUT THE ADDED TO IT IS THAT IF YOUR SOULMATE IS AN OMEGA THE OMEGA HAS TO MAKE SURE YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH HER NOT BECAUSE OF THE SIGN BUT BY BEING HER TRUE SELF.   DO NOT REJECT A UNIQUE SOULBOND IT WILL KILL THE OMEGA SOULMATE. IF THE SOULMATE DOES NOT HAVE THE SIGN'S OR THE MARKS. THE PERSON HAS TO TOUCH THE PERSON IN ORDER TO MAKE IT CLICK. 

MATES ARE THE PEOPLE WHO IGNORE THEIR SOULMATE FOR THE PEOPLE THEY CHOOSE TO BE WITH. NOW THEY DON'T GET KILLED OFF BY THE GOVERNMENT SINCE HUMANITY IS THRIVING AGAIN SO THEY CAN STAY WITH THE PERSON THEY CHOOSEN TO BE WITH. WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE SOULMATES THAT GETS REJECTED? THEY CAN CHOOSE OR WAIT FOR A SECOND CHANCE SOULMATE TO COME.

[otakween]

Zero Men - Volume 1

Now that I've finished 0-Sen Hayato, this manga was next on the list, another oldie. At least this time it's by the Godfather of all manga, Osamu Tezuka. I think this is his first work I've ever read??? Apparently no one cares about it because there's very little English material on it. Oh well, the main character is cute!

Ch. 1

Omg I'm loving this so far! The art is so dynamic and cute and the dialogue is really colorful too. The protagonist Ricky is adorable ;w; I love his tail.

That was a pretty badass and hilarious opening with the two soldiers fighting a pointless war while also low key bonding over a baby they saved.

Ricky crying when his dad told him his tail was something to be ashamed of broke my damn heart! Glad the dad isn't fully evil though. Just misguided...

Kind of weird that the dad is like "I swear I'll find you a doctor!" Like dude...you've had many years to do that and it probably would have been easier when the kid was an infant.

Ch. 2

Obvious parental death is obvious. Ricky sure got over it quick lol.

So, so far we know that 0 men can survive extreme temperatures, are really fast learners, and have great agility. I think this is an Elfen Lied scenario where they're supposed to be "evolved humans." Making them squirrel like was kind of a weird choice but oh well.

The professor's design where he basically just has a cloud for a head reminds me of Dr. Uranus from Cyborg 009. Peak old dude character design lol.

Losing one dad and then instantly meeting your real dad is pretty wild. The emotional whiplash made it all feel kind of rushed and silly. It's nice that Ricky doesn't feel like a freak anymore tho. Kind of an ugly duckling story.

Ch. 3

Woah, suddenly the story gets very different. Forget the evil scientists, it's time for robot demons apparently! New bad guys are Enma (Buddhist God of Hell) and Satan. Fun for the whole family!

Enma kinda looks like one of the guards from Squid Game lol, simple but menacing

The scene where Enma and Satan make an entire lighthouse disappear and the keep jumps out to save his life was effectively frightening. I wonder if that guy will come back as a witness?

All of Tokyo is ripped apart and put back together in like an hour and everyone just shrugs it off!? I know Japanese people can be complacent, but not THAT complacent!

This chapter felt like an anti-communist message with every house being exactly the same but "something's missing." I googled it and apparently Tezuka was a communist, but only for a short time before he changed his tune, so it's still possible that's what he was going for.

Ch. 4

So apparently the professor is a good guy now (despite first impressions) as he teams up with Ricky to investigate Enma.

We learn that 0-men are closer biologically to squirrels than they are to humans...riiight. The adults definitely looked more squirrel-like at least.

Pretty savage of the professor to shoot up his friend with a gun to "check if he's human" (including a shot to the head!?) Reminds me of the original Stepford Wives when the MC stabs her friend in the crotch.

The way Tezuka draws the prime minister feels very Looney Tunes. He's very rubbery.

Ch. 5

This manga is very text heavy so the average chapter takes me a bit to get through. Luckily, the Japanese has been very easy so far! (Rare for an older manga...)

Ricky and the Professor escape the clutches of King Enma who was planning to kill them if they didn't reveal the whereabouts of the 0 men. They end up in the forest where Ricky finds his mom and dad again. They ask Ricky to return to their country with them but he turns them down because he's vowed to be an "ally of humanity."

I can see why King Enma wears a mask...he's pretty dweeby looking under there. I like his mad scientist hair though. The fact that his face is a little disfigured gives Darth Vader vibes.

Ch. 6

Ricky and the professor try to alert the public about King Enma's take over. People start to be swayed, but then Enma just kills anyone who tries to join the resistance, so they don't get very far. By the end of the chapter Ricky is captured again by another power hungry person after the 0 men. Gdi Ricky...

I know it's for plot convenience but Ricky's tail pops out so easily that you'd think they'd come up with a better strategy for hiding it than stuffing it into his pants by now.

Ch. 7

Ricky splits up from the professor and finds himself captive on a boat. His 0 men parents come to save the day (apparently this was like a 0 men slave ship) and they knock out their captors.

Ricky just did a dramatic goodbye to his parents in chapter 6 and now he's back with them again? Make up your mind, story!

I was proud that I was able to read the kanji 船長. The videos I've watched of Marine-Senchou (vtuber) helped me out with that one.

We end the chapter in the jungle of the Himalayas. Maybe we'll learn more about 0 man culture?

Ch. 8

Uhhh wtf!? Ricky's dad just dies in an avalanche and they're like "meh, whatever!" Seriously Ricky and his mom recovered from that way too quickly. He might not really be dead, but they believe he is!!

It was cool seeing how the 0 men have been evading humans by living in a place that's only reachable by their species. That felt believable. I bet their land is nicer than the weird place Ricky was living before anyways. No dictators (I hope lol)

Ch. 9

Lol my previous statement was immediately proven wrong in this chapter. Ricky basically went from living in 1984 to Brave New World. I quickly went from enjoying learning about 0 men culture to being like...oh...that's not good.

Kind of confusing that Ricky's mom would intentionally bring her son into this world if she knew how messed up it was? She even is like "here's our apartment where we'll live as a big happy family" but then Ricky learns that kids are separated from their parents super early in this world and sent to live in a children's village. Like...did she not think of that??

Why was chapter 9 like 3 times longer than chapter 8? Well, I've been enjoying the kanji reading challenge. This manga has no furigana...

Ch. 10

Man this story is cyclical. They escape, they get captured, they escape, they get captured. Tezuka also seems to have ditched who I thought was the main villain for now. Will this whole thing be episodic or will we get a real plot?

They come across some yeti in their travels who say "yeti yeti" like Pokémon lol. I wouldn't mind seeing them make friends with all the cryptids, but the visit was very short.

Ricky's mom asking him to shoot her tail off with a gun was pretty dark. It does seem like it would make their lives a lot easier to remove their tails (in hopefully a less painful way), but I guess it's the principle of it.

Dude at they end looked like a Cyborg 009 character with his giant buttons and fancy hair haha.

Ch. 11

And just like that we gain another random party member (and Ricky's mom gains her 2nd adopted son in like 2 chapters). Ricky and Pete bond over their daddy issues.

I was wrong, they did bring Enma back. He reveals that his new, Communist version of Tokyo was inspired by the 0 man way of living, so I guess that explains that.

Like I said, we're going in circles here. Now we're back to looking for the professor Ricky befriended in earlier chapters. After the gang finds a safe place to live, then what? Are they going to save the world from oppressive regimes? Is the goal to just be a normal, happy family?

Ch. 12

So apparently the professor they eventually find is some kind of fake (even though he passed Ricky's needle test). Can Tezuka decide if this dude is a good guy or a bad guy already!?

Kinda funny how when they found a safe place to hide out they're like "now let's confront the evil people!" Like...weren't you running to hide from the evil people? Well I guess heroes gotta hero.

Ch. 13

So now it's doomsday via Mt. Fuji erupting. Although the gang succeeded in destroying Satan's clone factory, they now need to worry about the fate of humanity.

The version of this that I got from Bookwalker is 4 volumes but MAL has it at 7 volumes, so this must be an omnibus. I wonder where the original volume 1 cut off?

That first volume was kind of all over the place. The plot progression didn't feel all that natural, but I think this was one of those stories that was supposed to be a one-off and then got expanded, so whatever. Let's see where things go in volume 2...

[that-wildwolf]

Edge of Yesterday post I promised to make

Look. Look. When you write a fanfic that's almost 150K words, you get obsessed. And if you're me, you get unhealthily obsessed.

Playlist with all the songs quoted in the fic:

Playlists I used while writing:

Deleted scenes: (the links don't work in the app, you have to open them through the browser on mobile)

�� Shepard with turian kids in Alba

👉 Alternative ending of chapter 29 — more focused on fixing the Charon Relay

👉 Shepard playing Russian roulette

Some general trivia I didn't know what else to do with:

👉 Shepard was originally going to remember much sooner; she got into an argument with Garrus that eventually culminated with something along the lines of "I can't make myself remember" "Neither can I make myself stop loving you". Realising she'd hurt him was enough to make her unlock, and she immediately apologised even though he didn't initially understand what had just happened. I changed it for a wide variety of reasons, but mostly because I did not see it as in-character for Garrus to tell her he loved her.

👉 Another discarded version included Shepard never fully getting her memories back. She would continue to have those flashbacks like in Act 2, but nothing beyond that, and she and Garrus would slowly build a new relationship on the foundations of what little she remembered. It would be implied at the end that she might regain all her memories one day, but that it's unlikely. I liked that version a lot but scrapped it because I really wanted to include the "I love you" scene, which could only exist in this version of the story.

👉 The following is an excerpt from chapter 34.

"You've done so much for them and it might feel like they don't appreciate that — and maybe they don't, maybe they never will."

This is a reference to Starry Starry Night by Don McLean.

👉 Shepard was humming Reignite in chapter 28.

👉 I'm not sure if everyone saw what I was doing with these, but at the beginning of some chapters in Act 1, there are small flashbacks to when Shepard was in a coma. This is a way to show that Garrus is still kind of living in the past, fixating on that he's still waiting for her. With time they get less and less common to show that he is slowly starting to connect to her in the present too instead of just living in the past. They're gone completely by the time Act 2 begins.

👉 In chapter 33, Victus says it's been almost three years since the war's ended despite the three year mark passing a few chapters earlier. This is because a year on Palaven is the same length as 14 months on Earth.

👉 There was originally supposed to be smut in this fic, but I deleted it because I didn't want to do something their relationship couldn't recover from. I also deleted a few scenes of what I believe is professionally called a "sad wank". I mean, it was three years. and he was bound to be sad and horny. Why didn't I write that in the end?

👉 In chapter 18, Shepard panics because she doesn't want Garrus to see her during one of her flashbacks. In truth, most of the flashbacks have been around him.

👉 Look I'm not usually that straightforward about symbolism in my writing but screw it. Tea is a metaphor for love, Coffee is a metaphor for friendship. The weather reflects the characters' emotions. This also goes for the changing of the seasons.

👉 Obviously Shepard's flashback in chapter 12 was because she remembered the ME3 Presidium date with Garrus, but actually every single one of her flashbacks is due to a situation that reminds her of something from the games. For example, the following is an excerpt from chapter 18:

She put a hand on his cheek. [...]Despite what she expected, Garrus didn't pull away from her touch — though neither did he move closer. He just stayed completely still, his eyes zeroed in on her as she slowly brushed her thumb along the rugged scars on his cheek.

Garrus flared his mandibles, his eyes shining.

"Shepard, I..."

The reason she's having a flashback here is because this reminded her of their goodbye at the end of ME3 :)

👉 The idea for Alba City was taken from one of my scrapped endings for this fic, where Shepard and Garrus are on the run from the law (don't even ask. 😅 It went in a wildly different direction.) and are hiding out inside a dead Reaper while Shepard recovers from blood loss after Garrus had to cut out a tracking device out of her body. I obviously got rid of most of that, but the idea of living inside a dead Reaper stuck with me.

👉 Some honourable mentions for songs I didn't manage to fit into the 36 chapters include... Well, a lot of things, but mostly My Immortal by Evanescence. Look at the lyrics. Fits too good.

👉 I replayed Mass Effect 3 twice as research for this fic. *shudder* the trauma

[amplexadversary]

Welp I just had a bizarre-ass dream about the infamous ending to a manga that almost definitely doesn’t exist.

I can sure name some stuff it reminded me of that probably made up components of this though. Not sure where the imagery came from though unless it was my absolute thirst for weather that did it.

Bulk of the work over all took place at this specialty school, which had this daily morning-evening commute via trains through some misty, unusually steep mountainous region. The trains were the fancy type that served meals and I’m hung up on this because a ton of the scenes featured food-porn type close-ups of everyone’s food, mostly but not all of it Japanese cuisine (the impression being like ehh ~85% nationalism plus a handful of the author’s favorite foods that weren’t from their home country? I guess?)

You had your typical frustratingly-passive female hero reminiscent of a whole bunch of 90′s manga and parts of Twilight (except this chick was super bubbly in an un-meyer-like fashion), a primary love-interest who from the start was that kind of obvious-endgame type of deal, and then a guy who shows up like a third (?) of the way through seemingly just to create a narrative love-triangle but was more akin to a younger-brother type figure to the protagonist who happened to get really tall and go through most of puberty since the protagonist last saw him.

Primary guy was kind of troubled and a big part of that was tied to the fact that he got his shit rocked by a bunch of undead before coming to this school, which had an odd effect on him where none of the weird-gothic-monster accommodations he needed matched up with a particular type of spooky gothic monster. Secondary guy had pretty standard symptoms of something I don’t remember, probably whatever the girl had (that unspoken fraternal symbolism was super noticeable, although both sets of parents were shown. Kind of reminds me of that one cousin from Jane Eyre tbh). Both love interests had an associated “rival” for the main girl’s affections too, the “secondary” guy’s being introduced very shortly after he was and the “primary” guy’s being introduced something like 5/6 of the way through.

Countdown to Failure State:

~ Again, 5/6th of the way through the chapters that actually got written: “Primary” rival introduced. “Secondary” guy makes hard turn into actual love-interest territory. A little later, Main girl swaps trains at a changeover point to have a meal and a serious talk with him. After this point, the translator’s notes start hinting at something being up with the author. Story goes on for a while like this.

4 chapters from the end: You know those goofy sort of non-canon skits that get collected in the end of the print volume of manga from about 1990 something to 2010 something? One of those shows up at the beginning of an actual chapter. Main girl and all her girl friends give something of a PSA about how this is where the manga stops being good. One of them is posed like Sailor V for some reason.

Things start getting more serious than before between main girl and “Primary” guy. Most of the cast prepares to head to a vacation home owned by Secondary guy’s parents.

3 ch from failure: Everyone is at the vacation house. Rivals 1 and 2 are getting along. Primary rival has expressed intent to pursue someone other than primary guy. Primary guy has ran off to the other side of the property to deal with a vague threat that was explained only to him. It’s kind of clear to the audience that this is some scheme to get him away from what’s about to happen, but there is Zero information hinting at who the hell is doing the scheming.

Second to last chapter: Everyone else is in or nearby the pool. Secondary rival comes out wearing most of a mascot suit. She starts saying something, counting up on her right hand as she does so. Both she and the back of her hand are facing main girl. Starting with her pointer finger and ending with her little finger and then her thumb, she counts upward as part of what she’s talking about, 1, 3, 6, 9, 10. Each time she counts upward, main girl looks a little dazed, staring at her, and slowly starts too look excited, and then flushed and breathing heavily. No one else notices anything wrong with main girl until she collapses, and then everybody freaks out.

Final Chapter: Main girl is shown in some kind of dream-state. She’s floating in what appears to be a partially destroyed wooden building, and is still dazed and flushed. There is nothing else in the room with her, until she suddenly notices a presence.

Instead of showing what main girl saw, we cut to another room in the same dream-scape building, where primary and secondary rival are having a full-on fight scene. Both of them are furious, primary rival being all “how could you just sit back and let this happen she’s our friend” and secondary being all “well I couldn’t do anything, secondary guy doesn’t love me like that.”

When we cut back to main girl we find out that the figure she saw was secondary guy, who floats up to her, and they kind of land on a bed which is there now.

What follows is a scene that is pretty damn graphic for the genre, depicting stuff where it can be interpreted as kind of a fantasy deal if the writer/reader is emotionally repressed but if you’re not in the right mindset kiiiiiiinda comes across as assault. And the chapter ends with main girl clinging to secondary guy, with no further explanation to what the hell just happened.

The final print volume came with an addendum after this: There’s this bit from the translator about the English publication being an undertaking of love from the fandom, urging fans to “[not] let the ending spoil any feelings they have for [main girl/primary guy]” and “We still love [Manga Title] in 1998, despite how it ended″ This is like a 2-page spread. Turn the page and you find:

An explanation of what happened to the author. Starting from the point mentioned earlier, she had a huge falling out with her artist. There were quotes from multiple people saying she was not herself and that they were concerned etc, and it eventually came out that the author was on meth, and that that ending was the last chapter she had written before going to prison.

[rhosgobelbun]

A couple of samdean/wincest fics that I love love LOVED a lot. Most of them are sam-centered, enjoy ☺️

** = GOAT

Absolute Zero by pixymisa, selecasharp

Word count: 75k

Summary:

Heaven is closed, and after Sam's sacrifice, so is Hell. Crowley is missing, Abaddon is raising Hell on Earth, and Sam and Dean are lost, trapped in a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere, where Sam can’t wake up but also can’t die, and nothing Dean does can help. To find them, Castiel will do whatever it takes, including agreeing to become the vessel to the only angel willing to answer. And that's only the beginning...

Autumn Closing In by non_tiembo_mala**

Word count: 25k

Summary:

Dean didn’t dare to dream he’d walk away from Amara in one piece, and now that he has, he’s ready to call it quits where hunting is concerned. No more danger, no more saying goodbye to his brother. Just him and Sam settled down somewhere. Safe.

But when he returns to the bunker, things are not how he left them. Sam has been shot, and after Dean takes care of the people responsible, he and Cas are left to deal with the consequences. The bullet in Sam’s shoulder is enchanted, and the only way they can break the spell is using complicated, soul-powered magic that will have long lasting side-effects.

Amnesia by orphan_account

Word count: 20k

Summary:

On their way back from a particularly brutal hunt, Dean realizes that Sam has caught amnesia somewhere along the way. He doesn't remember who they are to each other, or what they do. So when he starts treating Dean like a really hot guy that's being incredibly sweet, Dean has two choices: He can try to tell his little brother the truth, or......

Touch by BruisedBloodyBroken

Word count: 142k

Summary:

Hunting is, what Dean Winchester does. And so, he ends up with his surrogate father in a small town called Croatoan, to investigate devious killings, which may or may not are connected to demons. Well, it turns out, it's definitely not a run-from-the-mill-monster they will be finghting this time ...

In the town's one and only diner, they meet Sam - Samuel Mills - who may, or may not is connected to the murders.

When Sam sees the two of them die in a forecasting, he takes desperate measures to save them ...

... and ends up on hell's and heaven's most-wanted-list.

(Sam got a little weird to me in ch 48 so I didn't finish it but!!! I loved such a big chunk that its still one of my favorites!!)

What It Takes by CrimzonChyld**

Word count: 101k

Summary:

What does it take to break you? What does it take to save you?

Takes place in Season 2, after John dies, before cold oaks.

Rape/Non-con, hurt/comfort

(heed the warning because it does go into graphic detail. Im reccing it because I really did like the characterization and samdeans relationship, if you're ok with non-con it's SO worth the read even though it's been incomplete for close to 10 years now)

All The Ways by TwoBoys2Love

Word count: 62k

Summary:

Sam and Dean Winchester grew up in an entirely different world. When the boys were very young their mother was killed by Creepers - or as we might know them, Zombies. Sam and Dean were raised on the road as killers and hunters. Then one day, when Sam admits he has an interest in meeting other people Dean must face the possibility of a future without his brother.

Secrets and the Scent of Jasmine by sijglind

Unrelated!wincest/underage

Word count: 25k

Summary:

Sam is eleven when Mary dies.

He's thirteen when he tries on one of her dresses for the first time.

And he's fifteen when Dean shows up to complicate his life.

'Well, hello there, gorgeous.' Dean smirks and gives Sam a shameless once-over, and Sam hopes he hasn't been staring too much, because that would just be awkward. But then he remembers that he just ran into the kitchen counter and barely avoided smacking his head into a cupboard doing so. It's a miracle he hasn't scared Dean away yet.

Change My Life Again by orphan_account

Word count: 115k

Summary:

Season 8. All Sam wants to do is take a tiny break for his brother's birthday, but a case that Dean refuses to pass up and a run-in with a cursed sword sends the Winchesters Quantum Leap-ing through other people's lives. Sam just wants to get back to their own bodies. Dean bets Sam Beckett had a much easier time of it.

(Everything I Do) I Do it For You by orphan_account**

Word count: 33k

Summary:

Struggling to find their feet, regain their equilibrium and reconnect following Sam's re-soulling and the subsequent rekindling of their "relationship", Sam and Dean decide taking on a simple case is the best way to ease themselves back into things.

So when the peers of a recently reported missing teenager start turning up dead under strange circumstances, they decide it's exactly the sort of case they need. Probably nothing more than a straight-forward salt n burn, right?

Only...

Only they're not the only hunters on the case. And the other hunter they meet... well, while Sam and Dean have no clue about him, he sure seems to know a whole lot about them...

Welcome home by Fallenky**

Word count: 12k

Summary:

Say what you will about Dean Winchester, he makes a strong first impression. The hunters of the bunker don't know what to make of the strange man and the even stranger relationship with his brother when Dean shows up after being possessed by Micahel.

New added fic: Lost & Found by LoveThemWinchesters**

!Samdean NOT Wincest!

Word count: 79k

Summary:

Just weeks ago, John Winchester was killed by the elusive yellow-eyed demon. Before smoking out of its meatsuit, the creature said some things to Dean, things that went against everything the young hunter has ever known. But all demons lie, right? Dean barely remembers its words as the devastation of losing his father consumes him.

Since the elder Winchester's death, Dean has been on a downward spiral. He continues to hunt—the only solid thing he has left in his life—but mixing booze with the job isn't one of the best choices he's ever made. The morning after a hunt-gone-wrong with a werewolf, he receives an unexpected letter. What he finds at the other end of it is about to prove that not all demons lie. – Alternate Universe // Dean is 26. Sam is 22.

*** THIS CAN BE READ AS A STANDALONE. ***

[koumine]

entertain me~ 😇😏🌶 [dom!Reader x sub!Simeon] [LMBYL update!] [OM!]

Chapter 2: how far are we to paradise

Fic: let me blur your lines

Fandom: Shall We Date?: Obey Me! Author: Koumine [AO3] [masterlist] Rating: E

Summary [ch 2]: You and Simeon take a day trip just outside of the Devildom Capitol, hiking into the plains of wild purple grass.

Content tags [ch 2]: dom!Reader x sub!Simeon, GN AFAB race neutral Reader, clothed sex, outdoor sex, lots of neck kissing, frottage, dirty talk, begging, angelic multiple orgasms, holding Simeon down, pet names, aftercare, worldbuilding.  MC’s genitalia is referred to as their cunt.

Excerpt [ch 2]: [rated E below the cut]

Simeon heaves a dramatic sigh.  "I'm bored,” he says again.  And he rolls over and sprawls across your lap, hands on your thighs and getting all up in your space, making your heart jolt unevenly in your chest.  “Entertain me!" he demands, with a bright eyed little grin. And oh.  There’s something the two of you could do together.   You keep your cool, even with your pulse ratcheting up with a racing eagerness, even as he leans in so close that you’d barely have to move to claim him with a kiss. "Entertain you, hmm?" you drawl. "Yes, didn't you hear me?" Simeon says, more than a little insolently.  He's really learning how to be a brat lately.  You love it. All you have to do, though, is tilt your head a little and give him a look, the one that says I know what you want, I know all your secrets, I know just how easy it is to make you scream.  I know exactly how deep your perversion goes, because I'm the one who taught it to you.

And his eyes go all wide and his breathing shallow and he flushes so hard you can almost feel the heat of it radiating off his cheeks.

You shut your book with a loud snap that makes him jump a little, and set it aside without looking away from him.  The way your smile morphs into a smirk is the only warning he gets, before you tackle him back onto the lush violet grass and just go for it, zero to one hundred in under three seconds, tilting his head way back with a hand on his cheek and your thumb pressed up under the point of his chin and your mouth attacking his throat with hot wet kisses and gentle scrapes of teeth and sucking invisible hickeys onto his tender brown skin.

He instantly gets hard — you feel it happen against you with the way you've straddled his hips — and he groans so loud and harsh as it happens that it scares off a nearby murder of devil-crows and you wonder if you might have just broken him a little.

You don't stop, though, because he holds onto you tight with gloved hands, and lets you press him down into the soft grass with your gentle weight on him, and lets you hold his head tilted back and drag down his collar to lay the hot touch of your mouth all over his vulnerable throat.

You won't stop until you've had your fill, for as long as he loves letting you take it, until his shaky overwhelmed moans and whimpers and the taste of his skin on your tongue stoke the fire inside you high enough to burn even you.

By the time you leave his throat tingling in the aftermath of your attentions and move on to his bare shoulders, he's panting like he can’t get enough and squirming under you.  He grabs your hips and starts rutting up eagerly against you, clothed cock against clothed cunt, and you give a pleased little hum of a chuckle and let him.

"Entertain you, hmm?" you say again, a smug murmur between presses of your mouth to the warm skin of his shoulders.  "Is this entertaining enough for you?"

Simeon gives a breathy little chuckle.  "Oh, I don't know," he says, breathlessly coy even as he can't seem to stop squirming and arching up towards your kisses, "you could perhaps entertain me a little more—"

So you smirk and start grinding down against him, hard and slow to really feel the length of his hard cock against your cunt through all the layers of fabric between you, really grind that delicious pressure and friction out of him that lights up everything between your legs and up into your lower belly with shimmering heat.  It sends him whimpering high and bucking unevenly up against your steady grind, like he can't control it, can't stop the motion of his own hips in the face of that heavy pleasure — sends him moaning breathless little exclamations of "Yes, yes yes, oh —"

---

read more -> [AO3] [masterlist]

[sylverstorms]

Cassandra x Maiden----Anonymity Ch. 9

Ch.1 Ch.2 Ch.3 Ch.4 Ch.5 Ch.6 Ch.7 Ch.8

'I’ll see you later', she said.

But 'later' never comes.

After the days that have passed, it doesn’t look like it will, either. Your schedule is changed to working the day shift, permanently. When you ask about the change, the Grand Chambermaid tells you it is a direct order from Lady Alcina.

A few months ago, you would consider it a gift from heaven. The morning shift is absolutely safe and maids trip over themselves in happiness to get it for however long. It means the daughters are asleep and the halls are quiet; that there is no danger of blood drawn over the slightest misstep.

But you are not happy. If anything, it feels like there is a thorn lodged in the back of your throat, hurting you from within.

Keep your head down. Do your job. Map every nook and cranny of the castle. You repeat the same words to yourself to give you a driving force, a sense of purpose… yet it is not escaping that your mind reels right back to.

It’s her.

It’s the way she would pop out of nowhere, going “rah!” just to get your blood pumping, then break into little giggles before gluing her body to yours, to bask in your warmth. The way she would fidget when she couldn’t keep still. Her quiet laughs when something genuinely amused her. Her cool touch. Her voice. Her breathy gasps and hooded eyes in the dark above you.

The time you despised Cassandra seems so distant now it may as well have been a different life. She is —perhaps always will be— many things you should detest. But she hasn’t been any of them around you for so long.

The initial cuts on you turned to scratches, then to simply the drag of her dark-painted nails over your skin. She stopped terrorizing the other maids. Her time in the dungeons below the castle diminished.

There were times when you were laying in bed together that you even considered the playful girl there with you had the potential be someone you could see yourself love.

From what you hear some of the maids whisper… that girl is no more.

At first, you don’t believe it. You don’t want to believe it.

Until you see one of the girls —Valia, if memory serves—downing one painkiller after the other and clutching at her bandaged chest during breakfast. And you make the mistake of asking what happened.

“This is all your fault!” she snaps and swings her hand to hit you, but you stop her and pin the limb down, rattling the table.

All eyes in the room shift to you.

“Calm yourself.” you warn her.

“She wasn’t like this before! What did you do to displease her and have her take it out on us, huh?!” she demands, tears in her eyes.

Then you understand. Cassandra did this to her.

As the older maids come to separate you, taking her away and trying to soothe her, you find your appetite is gone. You take your leave from the room and get to work an hour earlier than you’re supposed to.

It isn’t easy when every glance at a window reminds you of her scream, or when every flying insect that enters your peripheral brings forth the image of her body breaking apart from the cold.

-

-

You don’t notice how long you’ve been working for, until your surroundings are positively bathed in shadows. When you look out the nearest window, the sun is nowhere to be found in the sky.

Oh, no. You start to stress. You should have left ages ago.

Hurried steps take you through hallways you know the daughters don’t frequent as much. It is the long way around to your room, but distance is the least of your worries.

A familiar laugh from the other end of the corridor sends every attempt to calm your nerves right into the trash.

You are suddenly overcome with the urge to say her name, to see her, to make sure she’s alright so you can erase the image of her form crumbling from your mind.

But.

There is a reason Alcina had you working the day shift. And Cassandra would have come to see you if she wanted to. It’s not a pretty thought, but reality usually isn’t. You’ve come to terms with that from a very young age.

So you bite your tongue and keep walking, eyes fixed on the carpet. Part of you is relieved to hear Daniela’s giggle follow her sister’s voice. Cassandra can focus on her and pass you by like she does the decorations around –which, considering the past days, is probably all you were worth to her, anyway.

The distance between you gradually diminishes…

You’ve almost passed her by when Cassandra stops. At least you know her well enough to brace for it.

The next instant, nails are digging through the skin of your biceps and your back is pinned, hard, against the wall. You gasp but you’re too proud to cry out. You don’t want to give her the satisfaction.

“I thought mother had you working during the day.”

There’s ice in her voice as she says it, though her eyes have a strange look about them you’d almost describe as melancholy. You know how they light up at the prospect of hunting and killing. This isn’t it.

“Forgive me, Lady Cassandra. I lost track of time.” you reply back. An accusation you can't quite erase is adrift somewhere in your tone.

Her lips twist. She rips your shirt and opens bleeding cuts on your flesh with how harshly her nails pull out of you. The force shoves you sideways, into the faint alcove of a shut window.

Her hand comes to your nape and traps your head there. You can feel her entertain the idea to squeeze harder. Perhaps hurt you enough for everything that ever was between you to completely die. And still your body, the worst traitor of all, welcomes the feel of her breath by your ear when she leans in.

“How come you haven’t used it yet?” she asks. “You know our weakness now, Alexia.”

And she’s right, isn’t she.

How come you haven’t used it to escape? You know it’s below zero degrees outside. Certainly, you could make up an excuse to yourself about the winged monsters lurking around the castle or that you may not make it to the village with that much snow. But that’s all these are. Excuses.

“Come on, the window is right here.” Cassandra hisses and forces your hand to wrap around the handle. “Open it.”

From the corner of your eye, you see Daniela take tiny steps to the side, to avoid the blast of cold should you indeed decide you want them to feel what you feel. “Uhh… Cassandra…?” she says, quietly.

And suddenly you see red for reasons that have nothing to do with the sharp fucking sting on your arms. You can’t contain the anger that bursts out of you like lava from a volcano—

You jerk back with all your strength, actually managing to move her a step away.

“Maybe you get off on it but I sure as hell don’t hurt the people I care about!” Even when they don’t care back.

You’re certainly no stranger to the feeling.

Cassandra freezes up. Daniela’s eyes flit between the two of you like she’s debating calling out for either Bela or her mother for help, before the storm brewing in the air really fucks something up.

Cassandra’s hand shoots forward and closes, tight, around your throat. She presses close, close enough for you to feel the phantom caress of her mouth over yours as she speaks;

“If you don’t want to hurt me, make sure I don’t see you again. Because if bleeding you out is the only way I can be with you… I may take that deal.” Her fingers tremble on your jugular.

Then she’s gone, dragging her sister along with her. You can’t breathe any easier even without her cutting off your airway.

“…so…. does this mean I can have Alexia now?” Daniela’s voice faintly reaches your ears from down the corridor.

Cassandra only grabs her by the nape and pushes her into one of the rooms in response.

-

-

Crimson-red travels down your body along with the waterdrops and rolls around the drain in hypnotic swirls. The cuts on your arms would hurt if your heart wasn’t already in pieces.

But who is there but yourself to blame? You knew what you were getting into was no wise idea. You knew you were fucked when it stopped being about your survival. You knew. Yet you couldn’t stop yourself from wanting more with her.

And now every single one of your issues and insecurities rises up like a tsunami ready to sweep you with its force and crush you amidst the wreckage.

It seems to be an inescapable curse in your life that everyone you care for leaves you in shambles, one way or another.

It started with your father, when he abandoned you and your mother for a wealthy woman, never to return. Continued with her bringing you to this superstitious, shitty village and soon after leaving you due to an illness. The first girl you fell for fled one night without telling you a single thing. Only a half-assed letter was dropped behind for you.

And now Cassandra discards you, as well, like a broken toy she cannot stand to see yet stubbornly refuses to let go of. You are left bleeding inside and outside, feeling more and more like how she used to call you;

A plaything.

The word never quite bothered you, but now it makes something inside you boil.

Like everyone else, Cassandra has left.

So why should you be the one to stay?