#I really need to read them again because I get fonder and fonder of that world as I get older (and have finally been to TO)

[daisyachain]

Scott Pilgrim’s great lesbians (loves) are Kim, Envy and Ramona. A little edgy, snarky, ultimately kind, career-oriented, have it together professionally but sloppy personally, concerned with their reputation but that reputation is of being unapproachable and unassailable. They’re people who have ambitions beyond their lot. Envy wants a real career and not a hobby, Kim wants Sex Bob-Omb (and her in it) not to be a joke, Ramona’s string of exes are various attempts to build an identity and a role. Scott likes to be carried along and what he needs to learn is how to slipstream behind the women he cares about and push them forward instead of being a drag. What I’m saying is that Wallace is Scott’s type and that Scott is absolutely not Wallace’s.

[roosterforme]

Always Ever Only You Part 10 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: Does absence make the heart grow fonder or more frustrated? You and Bradley aren't quite sure where you stand with each other, and you're both apprehensive about how it will feel to open up communication again. And while it's hard for you to stop blaming yourself, Bradley is becoming aware of all the ways he hasn't done enough.

Warnings: Angst, swearing

Length: 5400 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader

This was written to accompany my series Is It Working For You? along with a bunch of my one-shots and other series, but it can be read on its own! Check my masterlist for the reading order. Always Ever Only You masterlist. Gorgeous banner by @mak-32

Bradley picked at his dinner for the third night in a row. He sat between Nat and Bob, and both of them clearly knew something was wrong. But Bradley hadn't been able to talk about it. What was he supposed to say, anyway? Admit that he had been acting like sex with his wife was a chore? Tell them that he had made you cry the night you got promoted? Disclose that you had slept on the bathroom floor to get away from him? Announce he was that asshole who got his sperm tested without telling you?

As if that wasn't enough, Bradley could still hear the hurt in your voice when you yelled at him about the test results in the kitchen at home. The memory of it caused him a physical pain in his chest. It was an ache that he knew would be there until you spoke to him again. If you spoke to him again. 

"Pass the salt?" Bob asked softly, and Bradley did it automatically and without any emotion. It wasn't Bob's fault that things went down so badly at home. And it wasn't Nat's fault either. But he could barely look at them or talk to them, and he knew he was going to need to start. Because whatever this mission brought, all of them would be doomed with Bradley in this kind of headspace. 

He cleared his throat and said, "This meatloaf is pretty good."

"It's okay," Nat replied. "Nothing's as good as what your wife makes. Think you can talk her into another dinner party when we get home?"

He could only grunt in response before he had to cover his eyes with one hand. 

"Hey," Nat whispered, wrapping her arm around his shoulders. "You're kind of scaring us, Soul Sister. Wanna talk about it?"

He shook his head. "Not in the middle of the mess hall, but thanks, Nat."

"Maybe later? We can sit in the lounge and eat all the candy I brought."

Bradley had to close his eyes against the pain he felt over being an inadequate husband. But he loved his best friend, and he knew he'd probably feel better if he confided in her. "I'll think about it."

Just when he started poking at his dinner again, three young aviators sat down on the other side the table, the biggest one directly across from Bradley. "Hey, old timers," he said in an annoying accent that immediately reminded him of Jake. So these must be the young recruits out of Lemoore. The hotshots that all the admirals were talking about. Bradley just wanted to poke at his food and think about his wife. He didn't really feel like babysitting right now. 

"Hi," Bob responded cheerily, and the three of them laughed. Bradley wanted to tell Bob not to engage with them, but it was too late. The big one, who introduced himself as Slayer, was subtly making fun of Bob's glasses, and Bradley's nerves were already too frayed. 

"Hey, Nat, how about we hang out in the lounge now," he said as he stood with his mostly uneaten tray of dinner. Bradley was exhausted, all he wanted was to be able to fix things with you, and training was starting early tomorrow morning. And he needed to get away from these morons as soon as possible. 

Nat and Bob stood, and followed him to get rid of their trash and trays. "I didn't think you'd actually take me up on my offer so soon. Usually you need a full week to stew in your feelings before you say anything."

Bradley rolled his eyes. "I didn't like the way Slayer was talking to Bob. You know he was making fun of you right? He literally said he'd never fly with a WSO in glasses," he said. 

"Oh. Yeah. I know," Bob replied in an even tone. "Doesn't much matter. I don't have to fly with him. I get to fly with Phoenix. And I always pass my eye exams."

Bradley was in a constant state of inner panic right now. He didn't understand how his two friends could be as calm as they were. Nat was listing off all the candy she had brought with her while Bob nodded placidly and told her that Starbursts were his guilty pleasure. Meanwhile Bradley couldn't decide if he wanted to cry or jump into the ocean. When he thought about you back at home in the craftsman with Tramp, it was hard for him to breathe. You were forgiving, patient and caring, but he wasn't so sure he deserved any of those things from you right now. 

The three of them stopped by Nat's bunk to get some of the candy, but after Bob snagged a few Starbursts, he turned away from the lounge.

"You're not coming?" Nat asked. 

"Nah," Bob replied as he unwrapped a candy. "I'll turn in early. Good night."

Bradley just shook his head. Even though he'd be up all night, typing up email drafts to you on his phone without any wi-fi, at least Bob didn't snore. So he could be miserable in his bed with some peace and quiet. 

"Come on," Nat told him, wrapping her smaller hand around the crook of his elbow and guiding him down the dim, gray corridor toward the lounge. "You'll feel better after we talk."

"I don't know," he replied, swallowing past the pain he felt. When he got into the lounge, he flopped down on his back on the narrow couch, leaving a tiny bit of room for Nat to sit next to his head. "I fucked up."

"I'm assuming by just how fucking miserable you look that something happened with your wife?" She opened a package of Twizzlers and handed him a few strands. 

"We were trying to have a baby," he said softly as he spun the silicone ring around on his finger. It felt weird. It looked weird. He didn't really like it. He missed his gold band that he left at home with you. But this one would be safer; that's why he ordered it with all of his deployment supplies from Amazon. And if anything happened to him, you'd at least have his wedding ring. 

"Yeah," Nat replied, shoving some gummy worms into her mouth. "I know. You already told me that. You're glued to your wife most of the time anyway. If you have a baby, you'll be insufferable." 

"I don't know if she'll let me touch her again let alone have sex."

She paused with more worms in her hand and looked down at him. "Bradshaw, what the hell did you do?"

He rubbed his hand over his face and took a deep breath. "I think I put too much pressure on her. On both of us. We've been trying for five cycles, and I know when her period is due and when she's ovulating...and I realize how bad that sounds when I say it out loud. Because yeah...I kept talking about it nonstop at home. I ruined her fucking promotion night, Nat."

"Oh," she whispered. "You made her feel like she only serves one purpose for you."

"Fuck," he moaned, covering his eyes with his bicep, his Baby Girl paper airplane tattoo pressed to his face. Nat was completely right. In one short sentence, she put all of his wild, rambling thoughts into perspective for him. That was exactly what he had been doing. And when he thought he was being helpful, all he was really doing was reminding you of what wasn't happening. "Nat, I had my sperm tested, and I didn't tell her. She found the paperwork with the results."

She gasped, and he immediately felt a million times worse. He had disappointed his wife, and now his best friend was disgusted with him on your behalf. "Why?" she demanded, tossing the candy bags aside and tugging on him until he was sitting up. "Why didn't you tell her?"

"Fuck, Nat. I thought it would be helpful information to have, you know? If there was something wrong with me, then we could talk to a doctor right away."

"There's nothing wrong with you, is there?" she asked in a monotone voice.

"No," he replied softly, looking at the floor. "And then I didn't want to tell her about it. But she saw the paper, and she blamed herself for everything. Which I somehow knew was exactly what was going to happen. And I should have just fucking told her I was thinking about getting the testing done!"

When he turned to look at his best friend, her eyes looked sad, and her lips were set in a frown. "Oh, Rooster. You're such an idiot."

"I know that!" he snapped back. "I don't need you to say it!"

"Yes, you do," she replied calmly. "You need me to say it. You should have come to me with this weeks ago. Next time you have a dumbass thought, like how you're going to jerk off into a cup and not tell your wife about it, you come talk to me. We'll sort it out."

"I don't know how to fix this. We could barely even look at each other when I left." He closed his eyes and added, "And now I'm here, and she's there."

"What's more important to you? Having a child or loving your wife?"

Whether or not Nat really needed to hear what his answer to that question was, the words made him so physically sick, he had to stand up and walk around the room. "If she's not happy, then nothing else matters," he managed around the tightness in his throat. "It's not worth it. Nothing else is worth it if she's not happy with me."

"Then I think you need to start with that and work from there," Nat told him, standing and wrapping him in a hug.

------------------------------

You skipped work on Monday. You didn't call in. You didn't tell anyone. You just didn't go. You just stayed in bed most of the day with Bradley's wedding ring and a sinking feeling in your heart. Your parents called you on Monday night, probably to see how you were doing without Bradley at home, but you couldn't answer their call. And you weren't honestly sure if things were better or worse without him here. All you knew was you didn't want to go back to work, because you couldn't stop crying. 

But on Tuesday morning, you felt more angry than sad, and that seemed to be the motivation you needed to take a shower. You vigorously scrubbed at your Rooster tattoo until the skin felt fresh and raw. Then you dressed in your uniform and headed out. You hadn't eaten anything since before Bradley left, but it didn't matter. 

You couldn't even decide if you wanted to talk to him or not. He could call you tomorrow, or it could be weeks before you heard from him. But you kept your phone on you just like you always did when he was away. The sickening feeling of what if washed over you. What if something happened, and they needed to reach you. What if Bradley was injured again. What if you never got a chance to talk to him again.

As you made your way to your lab, you already had tears in your eyes. By shutting each other out, you and your husband had only made things worse. You had to stop thinking about him. He probably wasn't even thinking about you at all. His goodbye speech was echoing in your mind, and you could just picture his ring on your nightstand. 

"Fuck," you croaked as you sat down in your usual seat. You thought you were alone, but then you heard Cat's voice behind you.

"Something wrong?"

"No," you muttered, wiping at your eyes. "I'm fine." You didn't even bother to turn and face her, but a second later, she was pulling her chair closer to you than she normally sat. Great. "I told you I was fine."

"Yeah," she replied casually. "And I heard you. But you're terrible at lying. You're too nice to be able to pull it off. Where were you yesterday?"

You stared straight ahead and took a few deep breaths. You weren't feeling particularly nice these days, and you weren't too fond of the way Cat had been treating Jake. Your heart rate was up. The desire to hurt someone, to make them feel miserable like you did, was pulsing through your body. 

"You know what, Cat?" you asked, turning in your seat to face her. You got to watch her neutral expression melt away as you said, "Maybe we should cut the shit."

"What are you talking about?" she asked, very subtly moving away from you. That should have been you cue to cool yourself down, but you just couldn't. 

"I'm talking about the way you're treating Jake like he's trash. Did you make out with him in secret again yesterday? Turn him down for another date?"

"I can't go out with him," she snapped back. "I can't have him around Jeremiah. He's exactly like what I left behind in Maryland."

"You like him!" you nearly shouted. 

"Of course I do," she replied, dark eyes flashing. "But not seriously. He'd be a terrible fit for me now. He's a womanizer. I know he's your friend, but why can't you see that?"

"He wants to change! And he'd probably just adore Jeremiah!" you insisted with narrowed eyes. "For some unknown reason, he really likes you, even though you and your Uncle Hondo are putting him through the fucking ringer!"

Your fists were clenched, and it felt so good to be upset about something other than your relationship with Bradley. But you watched Cat's expression turn to panic. 

"You know about Hondo?" she asked softly. 

You laughed darkly. "Are you referring to the fact that he's your uncle? Or that he's been giving Jake extra push ups and laps around the hangars as extra punishments for weeks now?"

Her lips parted, and she looked like she was going to be sick. "He saw us. He must have."

"Yeah, no shit. I saw you, too, remember? You're not doing a very good job of hiding the fact that you think Jake is good enough for you to lead him on physically but not good enough to have dinner with him."

"Uncle Bernie is trying to scare Jake away. Because Jake is exactly like Chris, and he doesn't want me to get hurt again. I didn't know-" she started, but you cut her off. 

"Well now you do. And if you truly don't give a flying fuck about Jake, then let him rot out there on the tarmac, doing a million extra push ups every day instead of eating lunch. But if you care about him even a little bit, please stop leading him on. Just tell him you're not going to date him once and for all, and tell Hondo to knock it off!"

Cat turned toward her computer and went silent for the rest of the morning. Which was fine with you. There was a lot to catch up on since you skipped work yesterday. There was no point in going to lunch since Bradley was gone. And if you did go, you'd just end up arguing with Jake. So instead you pretended to do some work while you thought about how many things needed to change between you and Bradley until you made yourself nauseous. 

------------------------------------------

"Before we get started today, I'd like to just take a moment to point out that our fresh recruits from Lemoore have been doing an excellent job both in the air and in the classroom," Admiral Dean announced to the room full of aviators. Bradley rolled his eyes as Slayer and his buddies sat up a little straighter. "You're really earning the spotlight," he told them before continuing with some of the mission details. 

Admiral Dean had been showing favoritism to the group from Lemoore all week, and Bradley cringed knowing he had seven more weeks of this to go. He didn't want to be here. His mind kept wandering back to San Diego. Back to you. 

After a week away, he didn't even know where you and he stood. He felt numb. Desensitized. Almost like nothing could hurt him or fix him except you. Were you sleeping and eating well? Were you worried about him? Was there any way you could forgive him for the way he'd behaved and the things he'd said? Did you even want to?

It was a good thing he already had these mission parameters memorized; two teams would be working in tandem to eliminate a communications tower and a newly constructed military base. He knew it by heart, and now all he could think about was what he wanted to tell you if you accepted a call from him. He'd been talking to Nat all week, and it was clear to Bradley now that you should be his top priority. Not a baby, not having sex to try to get pregnant. Just you. 

But there was so much he wanted to say to you, and he was afraid he was going to stumble over his words and just make things worse. It could be another week or two before he was allowed access to an iPad anyway. He'd put his name in to try to get chosen for an early FaceTime slot, but there were no guarantees. 

"Bradshaw, Trace, Floyd," barked Admiral Dean. "Get out to your aircrafts to run some practice formations. And try to keep up with the rest."

"Yes, sir," Bradley managed to say with a perfect salute when really all we wanted to do was flip this guy the bird and then hijack an iPad for the rest of the day. 

"You look so distracted," Nat whispered as they exited the classroom. 

"I just need to talk to her," he replied softly. "If I can just have a real conversation with her and tell her how I feel, I think I'll be able to focus."

She nodded. "I know. I already told you that if I get selected first, you can trade time slots with me."

He just nodded, because the tightness in his throat made him more than a little nervous for how he was about to perform in the air for Admiral Dean and the other officers. Once they were all out on deck, the sun was way too hot, and Bradley could feel the sweat trickling down his back. He handed his helmet to Nat for a second so he could remove his silicone ring and wipe the sweat from his hand. 

"Whoa, wait. Are you two old timers married to each other?" asked Slayer's large and annoying buddy. From the font emblazoned across his helmet, his call sign was Charmer. Oh, the irony.

"No, dumbass," Nat replied coolly. "Flying together would be disallowed according to the misconduct handbook."

Charmer looked confused by her words, and Bradley wanted to laugh. But now Slayer was referring to Bob as "four eyes" which made him want to punch something.

"How can I guarantee that you can see correctly in the air?" Slayer asked him. "I shouldn't even have to fly with you at all."

"Oh," Bob said with a good natured chuckle. "My corrective lenses make it possible for me to see just perfectly. I passed my eye exams last month."

But Slayer just snickered. "The only thing worse than flying with a guy who can't see is flying with a woman." 

Bradley was about to take his helmet back from Nat when he felt his hands curl into fists. Suddenly it seemed like he had nothing to lose by leveling these assholes. 

"You need to learn some fucking manners and put some respect on her name," Bradley growled closing in on Slayer.

But the other man didn't back down at all. "I'm sure Phoenix here can't fly for shit, but at least she's alright to look at. I'll bet your wife is a dog, old man."

That was it. Bradley was actually going to be dishonorably discharged from the navy for fistfighting another officer. But just as Bob managed to kind of wedge his arms between their bodies, Admiral Dean started calling for everyone to get in their aircrafts. 

"Woof woof," Slayer called with a laugh as he strutted away. He sounded like a fucking child. He essentially was a fucking child. But Bradley still had to fight the desire to pound his face in.

"You need to relax," Nat hissed. "Dean already has it out for us, and you'll just make it worse."

"I know," Bradley growled, putting his helmet on. "But he insulted both of you."

"Bob and I are used to it, Rooster. You need to tuck your feelings way down deep inside until later tonight. I'll get out more candy and can you lay on the couch in the lounge and mope. But now is not the time!"

His friend was absolutely right. He needed to chill. So Bradley tried to clear his mind of all extraneous material, keeping only the mission details and his perfect wife at the forefront.

----------------------------

On Saturday evening, you managed to call your parents back. They sounded concerned when you lied and told them that you had a migraine and you were going to try to catch up on sleep for the rest of the weekend. You tried to engage in conversation for a few minutes more, but as soon as your mom mentioned future grandkids, you had to end the call. 

The throbbing pain in your heart just wouldn't go away. You missed Bradley. It hurt to breathe as you curled up in bed wearing your husband's UVA shirt with Tramp next to you. 

Jake kept texting you constantly, trying to see where you were. He tried calling a few times today, but you were ignoring him pretty successfully. Maybe you could just take some melatonin and pass out until tomorrow afternoon. 

As you climbed out of bed to dig around in your nightstand, a thought occurred to you. Had Bradley left you anything this time? You'd been too consumed by your wayward thoughts to even register that maybe there was something in here for you. When you opened the drawer, you sank all the way down onto your knees on the floor. 

There was a pretty, professionally bound album with one of your wedding photos on the cover. You and Bradley on the beach. He was looking at you like he couldn't believe you were real, and his fingers were resting gently on the side of your neck. 

You had to squeeze your eyes closed against the tears, because you could remember that moment perfectly. You could almost feel the weight of his hands on your body and hear his voice. When you reached into the drawer to remove the album, a tiny paper airplane that was tucked in the corner fell out of it.

Thanks for the memories, Baby Girl.

You couldn't stop crying. There were photos from when you were dating and the day he bought the craftsman. There were photos of Tramp and some from the Hard Deck. There was one of you at the beach just before a crashing wave soaked you through your clothing. There were some with your parents and some at Goose and Carole's gravesite. And he had chosen the most beautiful wedding and honeymoon photos as well. Everything was in order, and they were all perfect. And each one had a handwritten sentence or two underneath.

I can't believe how beautiful you are.

How did I get this lucky?

Let's stay together forever. That's all I want.

You are my perfect wife.

You were laying flat on the floor, staring at the ceiling with tears leaking from your eyes when you heard your doorbell ring. "Fuck," you gasped as you sobbed. Tramp launched himself off the bed and ran through the living room barking up a storm. 

They would go away. Whoever it was would just leave when nobody opened the door. But then the pounding started. "Angel! It's me! I see your car in the driveway."

You didn't want to talk to Jake right now. You didn't want to talk to anyone right now. You just wanted to look at the album of photos from your husband and wonder what he meant by Thanks for the memories, Baby Girl.

"I brought my spare key from Rooster, and I'm about to use it," he called through the door. Even Tramp's barks had turned to a pathetic whimper by this point, so you just got yourself up off the floor. 

You almost made it to the door by the time Jake was opening it. And then he took one look at you, softly closed it behind him, and wrapped his arms around you. 

"Oh, Angel," he crooned as you sobbed and shook against him. "What the hell happened?"

"Everything," you cried, burying your face in his shirt. "I don't know."

Carefully and very slowly, he guided you toward the couch as he told you that it would all be okay. But you didn't believe him. And when he suggested you sit down while he got you something to drink, you shook your head.

"Okay," he whispered, keeping his arms tight around you, holding you in the middle of the living room. You had no idea how long it took until you were able to stand on your own again, but when you finally pulled your face away from his shoulder and met his eyes, he looked very concerned. 

You just sniffed and wiped at your tears as he kissed your forehead. "You ready to tell me what's wrong?" he asked, and you just shrugged in response. You knew that as soon as you started talking, you'd be sobbing again. "You ready for some tea and a snack?"

This time you nodded and plopped down onto the couch with Tramp at your feet. You could hear Jake opening and closing the kitchen cupboards, looking for mugs and tea bags. But it felt nice to have someone in your house with you, so you curled up against the throw pillow and took some deep breaths. When he set down some cheese and crackers next to a mug of hot tea, you realized you hadn't eaten all day. Your stomach growled with hunger, and then you thought you might be sick. 

He sat next to you and blew on his own mug of tea. "Figured you hadn't eaten dinner," he mused, petting Tramp on the head. 

"I haven't eaten all day," you whispered, reaching for your own mug. 

Jake gave you an appraising look. "I think it's time to tell me what's wrong."

You tried to sip your tea, but it was too hot. "You already know I can't seem to get pregnant," you said with an awkward shrug. "It's the only thing Bradley wants, and I can't get it right."

"Angel. That's not the only thing he wants," Jake insisted, but your eyes were blurry with tears again. 

"Just because he'd never admit to it doesn't mean it's not true," you whispered.

"He'd never admit to it, because it's not true. Jesus, do you hear yourself? Trying to talk in circles to reach an incorrect conclusion?" he asked, shaking his head. "Bradley would walk through fire for you. He would tame a lion, or defy the laws of physics or some shit."

You snorted in spite of yourself. But then you admitted to Jake that Bradley had gotten his sperm tested behind your back. And you told him the things he had said recently that made you cry yourself to sleep.

"He's just stupid," Jake insisted. "Doesn't mean he loves you less because you're not pregnant. Yet. Just give it a few more months. And it sounds like you both want the exact same thing, and you both want to find a way to blame yourself so the other one can be let off the hook."

"Huh." You hadn't really thought about it that way. The self blame crept in every day for you. But maybe that was part of the reason why Bradley gave a sperm sample. Blaming yourself was easier than blaming the person you loved. 

Then Jake asked, "Did you skip lunch all week? I saved you a seat every day. I saw Maria, and I asked if you'd been eating with her." 

You looked at him and knew you couldn't lie. "I haven't really had an appetite since Bradley left."

"Have you been avoiding the dining hall because of me?" 

Maybe you had been a little bit. You didn't want to go down there knowing you wouldn't see Bradley, not with the way you left things. But you felt like things with Jake were a little off kilter too. "I don't know. Maybe."

He sat in silence for a minute before reaching for the plate of cheese and crackers and holding it out to you. With a sigh you took some of the food and started to nibble on it. 

"What's going on with you and Cat?"

"Nothing."

You rolled your eyes and bit into the cracker. "I've heard that before."

He lounged back against the couch and stared at the ceiling. "I really like her. There's something about the way she looks and her smile and her voice. I don't know. But she told me a few days ago to just stop asking her out. So I did. And I've barely seen her since."

You felt like maybe this was your fault. You also felt like maybe this is what Jake actually needed. "Is Hondo still riding you?"

"Nah," Jake sighed before he drank more of his tea. "He backed off. Kind of miss it though. Make me feel like I was getting somewhere, you know?" he asked with a tiny smirk. "It's hard to get under that man's skin. But I guess making out with his niece will do the trick."

You laughed, and then you realized you had eaten most of the cheese and crackers. And then you finished your tea while Jake took Tramp out for a little walk for you. 

Once he was gone, you texted Maria and Cam about potentially going to brunch tomorrow morning. Then you sat in bed and took your time with the photo book from Bradley. Every page made you smile or feel like crying because you missed him. 

When you tried to put his wedding band on your thumb, it was still too big. So you unclasped the chain holding the charms he gave you, and you added it there. Then you took your melatonin and went to sleep.

----------------------------

Bradley was in line for dinner on Monday after a day of being roasted by Admiral Dean when he heard his name. "Bradshaw." He turned to see a man heading his way. "There's a free slot with an iPad if you want it."

"Now?" he asked, tossing his tray down and stepping out of line. 

"Yes. Your name was at the top of the list."

"Okay," he said, heart racing as he headed for the room onboard the aircraft carrier where he could finally talk to you. He was nervous. There were a million things he wanted to say, and he wished he had written them down. But it didn't matter. He was going to get to see your face. He could finally tell you the truth about how he had been feeling and how he was going to make things up to you. And he'd beg you to be honest with him, too. 

"Thanks," he muttered as he took the offered iPad and found an empty seat. He could hear other officers talking and laughing with their loved ones, and he smiled as he entered your phone number. The first thing out of his mouth was going to be how much he loved you. The second thing was going to be that the two of you would figure everything out when you were together again.

But Bradley counted each time your phone rang unanswered. Three... Four... Five.

You always answered when he called. Every single time. You answered when you were at work. You answered in the middle of the night. You answered when you were taking Tramp for a walk. 

Six... Seven.

And then the line went dead. You had ignored his call. 

-------------------------------

He bought that ring weeks ago. And I don't even know when he managed to sneak the gift into the drawer. And I don't know how they can fix this. Thanks to @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls

PART 11

@hotch-meeeeeuppppp

@swthxrry

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@solacestyles

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@throwinsauce

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@emptyloverofmine

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@avada-kedavra-bitch-187

@katiebby04

@marantha

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@little-wiseone

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@o-the-o-grim-o-reaper-o

@hecate-steps-on-me

@xoxabs88xox

[jazziwritesthings]

Letters - Lee Know

The is purely fictional.

Pairing: Lee Know x Reader

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: None I think? Friends to lovers

A/N: Part 2 maybe? Idk

********

Arriving back to the dorms after being on tour felt amazing. Minho couldn’t wait to finally sleep in his own bed again. But before he could do anything he knew he had to see you. It seemed they were right when they said that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Sure you texted and video called as much as you could but between the timezones and your job it wasn’t often and for Minho, it wasn’t enough. He still hasn’t admitted it, but he was head over heels for you. So before he did he sent you a text asking you to come to the dorms. He tossed his phone onto his bed and walked to the bathroom to grab a shower. 

By the time he came out of the bathroom you were laying on his bed. Looking up as you had heard the door open you saw a shirtless Minho standing there looking exhausted. There was no warning before you were getting up and wrapping your arms around his waist. He didn’t say anything as he wrapped his arms around her back and laid his cheek against the crown of your head. 

“I missed you.” You muttered with your head resting on his chest. 

“What’s in the box?” He asked, slowly detangling his arms from you. 

“ Oh yeah!” Quickly letting go and turning to grab the box you handed it to him. He quirked his eyebrow at you, giving you a questioning look. 

“It’s cheesy but I wrote you a letter everyday that you were gone.” 

He reached into the box and pulled out one of the folded pieces of paper and began to open it.

“No!” You startled him with a yell. Shaking your head, you took the paper from him and put it back in the box, “ You can’t read them in front of me.” 

He nodded his head, “ Why?” 

Shaking your head you moved the box to the floor as you made yourself comfortable in his bed, “ Because some of it is corny and I don’t want you to make fun of me to my face.” 

He let out a laugh as he pulled on a t-shirt, “ I would never do such a thing.” He turned off the light as you reached for his pillow and threw it at him, missing completely, “ Bullshit!” 

The night was spent talking and cuddling before you both fell into a deep sleep.

His sleep was disturbed as he heard voices. “He doesn't like skinship really, but when it comes to her, he doesn’t care.” 

“Shh. You’ll wake them.”

Minho groaned before he whispered, “ You already have, what do you want?”

He opened his eyes to see Seungmin and Jeongin standing in his doorway. 

“Are you possessed or something?” 

He let out a breathy laugh while shaking his head, “ I wish it was that simple. She uh, she wrote me a letter every day I was gone.” He looked up to gauge the younger members' expressions. Both were unreadable. Minho took in a breath and checked you over to make sure you were still sound asleep, “ I’m so in love with her that I don’t know what to do.” He looked over at the kids as Seungmin said, “ Finally. It’s about time you realized that. Now are you gonna tell her or continue to suffer?” The face he gave the younger members told them that they needed to leave so they did, quietly closing the door behind them. 

You began to stir awake. “ Good morning.” He said as you stretched your limbs before settling back against the pillow, “ It’s nice that your voice is the first thing I heard today.” Shooting him a tired smile. You saw the deep shade of red taking its place on his neck and his ears before he tried to hide under the blanket. 

“ Are you- Are you hiding under the blanket because you’re blushing?” You asked as you tried to pull the blanket from his face. “ No. Nope. Totally not blushing.” He was quick with his movements and got up and left the room in a matter of seconds, leaving you alone on his bed laughing loudly at your flustered friend. 

Finally leaving his room you walked into the living area and saw Seugnmin on the couch. You made your way over to him and wrapped your arms around his shoulders, “ What's up Seungminnie?” He placed his hand on your arm before forcing you to let him go as he pulled you on to the couch. You let out a bit of a yell as you tumbled forwards, over the back of the couch, landing ungracefully next to Seungmin. The thudding of footsteps could be heard before Minho was in the living area, looking panicked. “What happened?” Once he saw you were okay he sort of relaxed. “ Oh you know, Seungmin just tried to kill me.”

“I did not!” 

“You did too! Pulling me over the couch!”

“You landed on the couch, you're fine.” 

This bickering kept going back and forth. You’d known Minho since elementary school and since Seungmin was his first friend at JYP he automatically became your friend too, resulting in a sibling-like relationship. As far as you were concerned Seugnmin was your little brother.

After hours and hours of conversation, food and games it was getting late, “ I should really get home guys, I have work in the morning.” You stated as you slowly got up from the couch and walked to the door. “ I’ll walk you!” 

You and Minho began the walk in comfortable silence. A few blocks from the dorms Minho spotted the convenience store you both frequent, “ Hey.” He nudged you and nodded his head towards the shop, silently asking. You looked up and met his eyes, your own sparkling, “You thinking what I'm thinking?” He nodded his head and both spoke at the same time,

 “ Ice Cream.” 

After getting your ice creams you began to walk again, only making it to the bench in front of your building. You watched as he sat down and patted the space next to him. You sat down next to him and gave him a questioning look. 

“ I have something I really need to say. So I need you to be quiet for a bit, okay?” 

Nodding your head you reached for his hand as this topic seemed to have him nervous. 

“ I know this is going to change everything but I can’t keep it to myself anymore. If you don’t want to see me or speak to me or be my friend anymore I will understand, okay? But I fell in love with you, and I'm sorry but I can’t do shit about it.” 

He pulled his hands from yours as he stood with his back to you, not able to look you in the eyes as you broke his heart. You stood and gently grabbed his hand in yours again,

 “I’ve loved you since you threw that rock at me in 1st grade.”

He whipped around to look at you, checking your face for any sign of a lie. When he didn’t see anything other than love and adoration in your eyes he quickly closed the space between you. Tenderly cupping your face in his hands he closed the gap between your lips. Kissing you so sweetly and softly. 

He gently broke the connection between your lips pulling his head back a bit, “Wait, don’t pull away, not yet.” He let out a soft chuckle at your whine. You slowly opened your eyes and they met his sparkling brown ones as he rested his forehead on yours. 

“Well, isn’t this interesting.” He spoke softly, only for your ears. You let out a laugh as you pulled away a bit, “I will actually hit you Minho.” You warned. He smiled as he gently connected your lips again, “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of this.” 

[memo-blogs]

Here With Me (part I)

Pairing: Spawn Astarion x female (Durge*) Tav *not relevant in this segment/will come apparent later in the story

Tags: angst, fluff, foreplay

Summary: Months after the end of the game (SPOILERS, ye be warned) Tav gets bothered by Astarion's absent looks in bed and it results in NO SEX, heck >:( Just when things were getting amazing!

A/N: This is a three-parter series where things are oof before they get nice and spicy. I hope someone wants to read something so I feel like sharing the rest… Ps. waiting on my AO3 account, who knew you had to queue for one for like 2 weeks!? If and when I get one, there is spicier than Tumblr allows fanart inspired by this fic available, huhu. Hope you like! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They returned home, walking hand in hand down the now familiar forest path to the small opening in the woods that revealed their cozy two-story home in the woods. Tav glanced to her side to her partner Astarion, and smiled. He caught her looking, and smiled back. They were returning from an exhilarating night of trying to teach the vampire spawn in the Underdark to navigate their new normal. There had been peril, confusion, unpleasant surprises – all the things they had grown so accustomed to tackle and turn into success together. Tav recalled how, despite starting with snark and frustration at one of the spawn Gur kids losing control of her hunger and lunging at an innocent deep gnome as a result… Astarion had controlled himself. How gently he knelt to the Gur’s level, and let the child know he felt the same hunger, and gave her guidance. In the end, she had hugged Astarion, who enjoyed it more than he let on. It was remarkable how he managed to make controlling their impulses more into a fun game rather than an addiction they’d have to combat for the rest of their undead lives. As they opened the door to their abode, Tav thought back to the months spent with Astarion after defeating the Netherbrain – how little by little, he was less spiteful, less vengeful… and more relaxed and happy. Astarion had become forgiving. He had become kind and caring, in his own way. He was still vain and could not for the life of him stop that sarcastic little tongue of his – but his actions showed he cared about the new life he had built with Tav. He cared about, at the very least, not making things worse when he ventured out into the world. Which was saying a lot, for a vampire. Exhausted, they shed their armours. “Tsk”, Tav tutted as she lovingly tucked one of Astarion’s beautiful locks behind his ear. “Today’s escapades have left you absolutely filthy.” Astarion turned around and began to walk towards their washroom, stretching like a cat as he glanced over his shoulder back at Tav. “Well,” he said with a grin. “I suppose we’ll need to do something about that, darling.” They bathed together and Tav allowed herself to be lost in how much she had come to love this silly man before her. Every day, he seemed more beautiful than the last, and every which way she thought of the person he was, she grew fonder of him. Once clean and dried off, he led them down to their basement bedroom, knowing full well what Tav wanted. She kissed him hungrily and he answered expertly as always. Tav was quickly getting lost in Astarion and all they were sharing, and it was one of the best feelings in the world. Astarion gently pushed her to lie down, and she obliged. Panting, she felt Astarion gently parting her legs, and she opened her eyes to look at what was coming next – only to have her heart sink. There it was again. That thousand yard stare of his. She barely even noticed how masterfully he was caressing her legs and in between to bring her pleasure. She couldn’t really even feel it. Not anymore. The moment was ruined because he wasn’t… present. “Stop”, Tav whispered. 

Astarion looked up, almost as if in a daze. “What?” Tav pulled her legs close to herself, hugging her own knees. She shook her head. “I can’t do this anymore, Astarion.” She looked at him, her face full of sorrow.

“I – what happened? Did I do something wrong?” He looked so scared. Confused. Astarion didn’t understand – he knew he was good, he had done this so many times to her, and countless others. So why was Tav crying?

“I just...” Tav came to sit next to Astarion, and held his hand. Gave it an affirming squeeze. The look he gave her was bewildered. For a while, they sat there awkwardly in silence, holding hands. Finally, Tav let out a shaky sigh.

“Astarion. What am I to you?”

“I’ve told you – you’re the first person I truly care for.”

Tav turned to look at Astarion. “So why -” she took a calming breath of air before finishing her sentence, “why do you have sex with me as if I’m one of your victims?”

“What?”

Tav got up and walked around their room in circles. She waved her hands around as she spoke. “Every time, save maybe the one time by your grave, when you and I are intimate, you’re miles away. You’re not here. You shut down emotionally and just… put your heart and soul somewhere else.” Tav stopped pacing and faced Astarion. “Am I someone you need to forget?”

“Of course not!” Astarion looked like a deer in headlights.

Tav pressed on. “Then why do you perform like this is a duty where you try to be as little a part of it as you can?”

Astarion was beginning to panic, and he wasn’t sure why. “I don’t – you’ve been happy with it so far, haven’t you? What’s changed?” He found safety in being annoyed. “Why is this a problem now?” He spat out.

He was ready to fight. To argue. To even woo her over with his skills and give her what her body obviously craved to make this irritating conversation go away – but he was not ready for how he saw Tav deflate in front of him, and weep silently. With each tear she shed, the anger he was using to hide behind was fading. He was so lost, and afraid. They were silent for a while again, both too afraid to utter the next thing, in case it was the one thing that would sunder them.

“What’s changed?” Tav echoed silently. She quietly walked back to Astarion, and caressed his cheek. She let her hand wander through his white hair, down his neck and to his shoulder. She softly pulled him into a hug. “I love you more than I love myself” she whispered in his ear. She pulled away to look at him again. “And I cannot bear the thought of making you please me. I am not your maker. I am not your owner – I had hoped I was your equal. Your lover”, she finished with a sad smile.

Astarion stammered. “Y-you are!”

“Then where do you go, when we make love? Why do you go, and leave me here alone?”

He wanted to deny it. He wanted to never have this talk. It was too difficult – he just wanted to forget, and enjoy himself. Everything had been so wonderful, so why did she have to bring this up? Why couldn’t this stay buried, like so much of his past? He found himself breathing hard, like he was about to either take a swing at Tav, or run off. Yet she still stood in front of him, waiting. What could he say? What did she want to hear? While rare, Astarion found himself at a loss for words. He couldn’t make out what he felt, he felt too many things – anger, fear, he felt vulnerable, weak… exposed. He settled on making an irritated noise and to look away from Tav. It was all he could muster.

“I love you”, Tav repeated. “And I can’t do this when it feels like you’re still letting yourself be used.” She put on a robe and walked towards the door, stealing one last tearful glance at her vampire companion. “It hurts us both when you do.” And with that, she left.

[critter-genfic-events]

This week, we have seven hilarious prank fics recced! Read along for some hi-jinks and mischief! Check them out under the cut, and as ever, comment or kudos if you like them!

What Goes Up by krakens (2311,General) Warnings: None Pairings: background Vax/Gilmore

Pike suggests playing a prank on Vax. Grog suggests putting a cow in his room.

Reccer says: A perfect Vox Machina messing around fic

Open All the Windows by hufflepirate (4563,General) Warnings: None Pairings: Jester & the Traveler

Even as Jester grows older, sometimes that first spell is still the best spell. It always means the Traveler is there. It always means she isn't really alone.

Reccer says: I liked it

Distance makes the heart grow fonder by Multifandom_damnation (2805,General) Warnings: None Pairings: The Clay Siblings

Caduceus is gone just as fast as he arrived, and he leaves his siblings behind to bicker amongst themselves and think about everything he's been through in the ten years that they've been away.

Reccer says: I love the sibling dynamics and the outsider view of what Caduceus would have been through without his siblings.

Spell JAMmer by xtinethepirate (1496,General) Warnings: Pairings: Background Shadowgast, Essek & Verin Thelyss

Essek relates a story from his past. Jester gets ideas. Verin is stuck with cleaning duty.

Reccer says: A fun callback to the random Verin and Essek story Matt told on a charity stream, with added Jessties

Untitled Fearne Game by Deramin (200,General) Warnings: minor animal ruffling Pairings:

It’s a lovely morning at the pond, and you are a horrible fey.

Reccer says: It's extremely short (200 words) but perfect for what it needs to be

The Wrong Side of the Bed by Samuraiko (467,Teen) Warnings: None Pairings:

Just because Orym's the healthy and well-adjusted one doesn't mean he can't cut loose and have some fun every now and again... especially with a little help from Ashton. (takes place just before the departure to the Heartmoor)

Reccer says: I liked it

garden crimes by quinn_of_aebradore (233,General) Warnings: None Pairings: Essek & Yasha

Yasha engages in some mischief while she and Essek are gardening together.

Reccer says: It's short, sweet, and wonderfully silly!

This is one of our weekly communally-generated gen rec lists. Every week we announce a new theme and allow anyone to submit a fic recommendation. Please note that the summary and content notes are provided by the reccer, and may be different than what the author has provided. Please assume good intentions all around. <3

And hey, anyone includes you!

Next week, we'll be featuring fics focused on Ashton!

Then, it'll be Hair Care, Pre-Campaign, and Crashing A Party!

Any fics coming to mind?  Well, then use this form to submit!

If you're looking for some more, check out some fics written in the critter genfic bingo tag, or the older rec lists! Or you can request your own card and join in on the fun!

[ethereal-engene]

just like spring snow | youngjae

pairing: bf!eric x gn!reader

genre: fluff, angst, and slice of life // warnings: mentions of food, dealing with sadness and longing, and depression (not super in depth for the most part) & not really proof-read

summary: A story of coping with Eric’s hiatus and the aftermath. // word count: ~3.5k

note: I know he’s been back for a little while now but wanted to commemorate it in writing because I became a deobi while he was on hiatus and am super happy he’s back! 

They say that distance makes the grow fonder and you agree but that doesn’t mean that the distance doesn’t make you miss them.

You understood why Eric was taking a hiatus and actually helped him decide on it. With everything that happens in the industry, you know it’s not easy to deal with given the myriad of challenges. It made you quite proud that he was doing this.

Of course, you didn’t want him to leave but you knew he’d be back and that it was for the best. He spent a lot of time with you and the members before he officially left for the states. Seeing him off, he cried a lot and told you that he’d still keep in touch. Along with his iconic line of “Always remember Eric loves you” all of the while him saying it with tears streaming down his face.

Wiping them away with your free hand as the other was holding his hand. “I love you too, my love. Don’t forget to text me when you land and don’t worry about me too much. Take care, my lucky clover.” You give him one last tight hug and kiss.

Honestly, you were trying your best not to cry as hard as him. Eric being who he is, noticed that and wanted to stay just so he could give you more comfort. He feels bad but you know if he told you, you’d smack him. Because you don’t want to be the reason why he holds back on getting the much deserved break.

You both know if he stays then it wouldn’t really be the hiatus and break that he worked to set up with the company. So when you two hear an announcement from the speakers about how this is the last call for his flight, you pull away.

Eric kisses you once more but waving goodbye. Once again, the tears from his face start to fall. You wave goodbye and walk away. Knowing that if you turn around, you won’t go back. People would assume that you two were breaking up given all of the crying. Quite the contrary though, yours and his relationship is strong.

This was simply another test of the time and strength of your relationship. And besides you and him both know the real reason behind his hiatus. There’s no bullshit reason as to why he’s doing it.

Anyhow, you had to have one of the other members pick you up from the airport. They tried their best to console you and you appreciate them for it. Jacob, Kevin and Sangyeon were most notably the ones who helped you the most during this moment.

When they dropped you off at your apartment, just as you had given Eric a tight hug, they gave you one just as tight too. If they could, they’d spent the rest of today with you but they had their schedules. Obviously you weren’t going to keep them from that so you told them you’d text them if you needed anything.

Besides you weren’t a stranger to the whole busy schedule they had to follow. Waving them goodbye & thanking them again, you went into your apartment. It felt emptier without Eric’s things taking up tiny spaces.

Taking a deep breath to remind yourself of why this was happening again to ground yourself. Repeating the words “He’s not leaving me, this break is to help him get better.”

In an attempt to soothe these feelings, you decided to clean. But it was quite hard to do so when Eric basically did that before he left so you went to work on your assignments. Unfortunately, even the departure of your love couldn’t stop time for you to work on school.

With time passing by, you and Eric still kept in touch. Whether it was through FaceTimes or text messages. It was always fun to catch up and see what he’s been up to. As well for him to see what you’re doing and the other members.

It can be challenging with the time difference but you two make it work. If you’re lucky enough, you two will video call as you’re working on assignments and him doing his own things. Kind of strange but you’ll take any time you can get to spend with him, even if it’s virtual.

Every so often, when you think about how he’s not currently with you. The tears flow freely down your face. Almost like a never ending stream. Hugging your pillow and wishing it was Eric. Waking up to an empty bed is really when it hurts.

After always being woken up by a kiss from him, you long for the moment; it's no longer a dream but a reality instead. How can a bed feel so cold without the presence of him? It’s like it doesn’t matter how many blankets or layers you have, the breeze will find a way to greet you.

There were some days where you didn’t want to leave the bed or do anything. Hoping that sleeping would take the pain away. When you didn’t respond to text messages coming from everyone, they got worried. As one would.

Eric would send small messages to you when this happens. He knows that you’ll be okay but it definitely hurts him too. Making a mental to shower you in his love and affection when his hiatus is over. In the meantime, may this period of time where you two are apart allow you to still grow with each other.

You just forgot how to live without Eric and it sucked ass. To be in love and a relationship shouldn’t mean you lose total sense of who you are and the life you lived before them. It took a while for you to get back on your feet.

Starting off small by rebuilding your daily routine. Things like setting up what time you’d go in for work, start and finish homework, attend class, and eat your meals. In due time, your mind was occupied with the present and sometimes inevitably floating to Eric.

Wanting to know what he was up to or sharing stories about your day to him. However in the back of your head, you knew that if he wanted to tell you something he would. Eric would not hold back on anything to you. All is good though because you may or may not have been writing in a journal to keep track of all the little and big things you want to tell him. If not a journal then a letter.

It helped you cope with him being away. Making you feel like you’d one day just mail all of these to him as if y’all are two long lost lovers or something. You would be lying if you didn’t think about sending these to him but for some reason, you felt like it was better for him to just have them when he came back. Plus you didn’t want to pay to stamp all of them or didn’t want to flood his mailbox with these.

Another way you worked through this period of time was with the boyz.

Whoever had an off day in the boyz would offer to spend the day with you. Going with places for Chanhee to take pictures. Going to their dorms to play games with Juyeon or watching movies with Sunwoo, Younghoon, Jaehyun and Changmin. And last but not least going to their studio to watch them practice and record for their upcoming songs.

It was super fun to see the creative process behind them building a song. Especially with Jacob and Sunwoo. Seriously super talented and lovely songwriters. If you weren’t spending time with them, you were on campus studying & being a student.

You met up with old friends who attended the same college as you too. Taking the time to build more meaningful relationships with them and sharing stories about your struggles with classes. It felt nice to be able to talk to them about “normal” things.

Lastly, you were also working so that took up a good chunk of your week to focus on. The number of stories that accumulate just from one day at work is crazy. Ranging from horrible customers to hearing juicy stories about the town to playing along with little kids. This would have to be the final piece in cementing back the normalcy you had again.

God, it felt so liberating. Of course, you still missed him but with everything going on, it was easy for it to slip out of your mind. A gentle reminder that with and without Eric, you’re still your own person with dreams and goals.

With the time passing by, and before you knew it. You received the text that you were waiting for this entire time. The text read: “I hope you haven’t been missing me too much but I’ll be home soon. Can’t wait to finally see you again. I love you!!”

It took everything in you not to scream. You re-read it multiple times before calling him. Just to confirm and hear his voice again. “Are you being serious right now?”

“Babe, why would I lie about that?? Don’t worry, I promise it’s real and in fact the announcement should be going to the fans soon. God, I can’t wait to hug and kiss you again.” If it were possible to hear the joy coming from him, you were hearing and feeling it full force.

You couldn’t help but silently sob into your phone. Almost forgetting he was still on the phone with you, he started to bombard you with questions. Traces of worry laced in his tone. Asking if you’re okay or need something.

You responded in between sniffles and wiping your nose. “Y… yeah I am my lucky clover. I just can’t believe you’re finally coming back. Please let me know when your flight is and I’ll be there. I love you too!”

Eric almost forgot how much he hated hearing you cry. Wanting nothing more than to fly right away so that you wouldn’t be alone anymore. Alas he left you with more comforting words and texted you his flight information.

It was actually a lot closer than you were expecting. Setting a little countdown and you carried on with your day but carrying bits of more happiness than before. Everything about that day and forward seemed to go by faster and smoother than before. It gave you more strength to get through these last couple days.

When your phone went off to remind you that the countdown was over, it awoke you. Not the worst way to wake up but we all know the best way was with Eric next to you. So you got up and made your bed.

Today seemed to shine brighter today. As if the universe knew that Eric was coming back. After a while, you got a call from Kevin that they were here and ready to go!

Having already dressed up and all, you bid goodbye to this apartment. Telling them that soon it wouldn’t feel as empty anymore but also thanking it for keeping you safe during this time. You got into the car and chatted about anything with them all until y’all arrived. They totally didn’t place a bet on who was going to cry today.

When you guys arrived, it was almost hard not to get lost with the normal traffic at an airport coupled with reporters/paparazzi awaiting his arrival. Not even being able to see anything, it dampened your mood a bit. However after getting through all of the cameras and waiting, seeing him again made it all better.

Also Younghoon definitely cried but everyone knew that it would happen. To be fair, you cried as well and Eric. After reaching a more private space, you had run so fast into his arms and as one can only imagine he spun you. Both of you held eye contact until crying into each other’s shoulders. Eric had whispered so many I love yous and thank you for waiting. Shaking your head to reassure him that it was fine.

“I’m just glad you’re back, my lucky clover. I love you too and if you ask me it was worth the wait.” You whispered back and leaned your head against his forehead. So his and your eyes could meet. Maybe a couple minutes passed and you two hear fake coughs. “You know, Eric we’re here too.”

And right then and there laughter comes out of everyone. “How could I ever forget my oh so handsome and caring hyungs?” A playfully annoyed tone coming from Eric along with a roll of his eyes. All the while, his arms opened up so that they could hug him. You slowly back away because you’ve seen them run at full force and let’s not lie here, it’s kind of scary. They don't just hug him but almost tackle him to the ground.

You’re laughing as it happens and helping them get back up with the help of their manager(s). 

“Welcome back, our energetic maknae! It really hasn’t been the same without you here and we love you.” Sangyeon welcomes him. All of them go around giving him a hug and maybe even a noogie. When they’re done, Eric returns to your side and slightly unaware of just how much they messed up his hair, you take a selfie/selca together. Only then does he notice it and leaves out a groan as you laugh. Eventually you help fix his hair and you all head back to the dorms to celebrate.

Sitting with him reminds me of when you two started going out. Both of you were quite shy and it may have taken the members giving y’all encouragement to be more comfortable with each near them. Besides they were fucking tired of hearing Eric talk about how he was scared that his members would get annoyed at you two for doing anything with public display of affection. They told him that it was fine just don’t overdo it or anything inappropriate. Ever since then, you two slowly got used to it.

You two were so young then but nothing about your love for each other has changed. Even anything, your love for each other got stronger especially after reuniting. The day was spent talking and enjoying everyone’s company. At the end, as they dropped you two off at your apartment it felt a bit odd. Walking up the stairs holding each other’s hand and the other carrying a luggage, it really did remind you of the first time you ever brought him to your place. It took a lot of convincing to the members and the company that nothing would happen to him.

Welcoming him in you, you let him know that you were going to shower and probably head to bed. Eric nodded and was putting back the things of his that used to belong there. He was taking in the view as if he didn’t know what it looked like before. Seeing his trinkets be placed, it helped the place feel more like home. After he was done putting them in their respective places, he was taking his sweet time observing the photos of you two together.

He was entranced by them so much that he didn’t hear you come out of the shower. For some reason, you didn’t want to disturb his peace so you let him indulge in it. Besides, you had done exactly what he was doing when he was gone. Looking at the pieces of your memories together and remembering that moment. When he’s done, he feels your eyes on him. Looking at each other with smiles growing.

If love was in the form of a person then it was Eric for you. Both of you couldn’t imagine a life without each other, much less a future too. For him, his future was with you. Walking over to you, he wrapped his arms around you. Peppering you with kisses and pretending to slow dance in your living room. “Thank you again for waiting for me. I know it was hard but I’m proud of us for surviving it. I can’t promise that I won’t hurt you again but I will promise that I’ll always return to you.” A promise sealed with your pinky fingers interlocking and a kiss to the lips.

“Don’t thank me for doing the bare minimum. I could and would wait however long it took for you to feel your best and better. It might have hurt but it’s not like I didn’t know what I agreed to when I told you to go for it.” You detached his hands from you and held them to move to the couch before continuing.

“You left in the spring and returned with the snow. I truly believe that these eight months apart proved that our love can withstand whatever comes our way. Thank yourself for being strong enough to admit that you needed a break. You know that everyone can’t do that but you did and I’ll always be proud of you for that.”

Eric really thought he had cried it all out today but hearing your sweet words attested to that statement. Just as you were wiping his tears when he left, you were doing the same now. A sense of relief washed over you when you realized how similar it was. Because now he was back and better. Rubbing his back and whispering sweet nothings helped soothe his pain.

One of the things that you will always love Eric for is not holding back on his emotions. During their concerts and fancons, he was known for also crying his heart out with Younghoon. He was comfortable enough to let it out. In a world where men who get called mean names for simply being in touch with their feelings and expressing them, it was a shock to you. Over time, you learned to appreciate that quality of him.

Giving him a forehead before playing the song spring snow by the boyz. While this song is a fan-song, the lyrics are very touching and a message you’d like Eric to receive. Some of the lines for reference:

At the end of the cold winter, it’s you who’s waiting for me

Everything changed after meeting you. The time when it was cold, as if it was decided, towards me. You approach with a warm smile and embrace me

I’m always grateful for you who came to me

Even if the moment of you and me passes by. Even in those lonely moments It’s fine now as it’s no longer cold

As he calmed down, you gave him a glass of water. You had one more thing for him before this day came to an end. Finding the letters or journal for him, you handed it to him. “It’s all of the things I wanted to tell you when you were gone. You can read them all another day but please shower. So we can sleep, I am beat from today.”

Eric laughed before wrapping you up in another long hug. “Yeah yeah I will. Thank you, my love. I love you again. I feel like I have to make up for the time I was away and I’ll read these with all the love in my heart.” He got up first and held out his hand for you to take it. Placing your hand in his, he kissed it and made his way to the bathroom.

While he was in the shower, he kept thinking about you and all of the things he wanted to do with you now that he’s back. There weren’t enough words to fully capture how he felt. All he knew was that he loved you and you loved him back. Knowing that gave him enough strength to carry on.

With him in the shower, you started to get cozy with the bed and told yourself to not sleep until he was out. Unfortunately, the tiredness got to you first before he did. So when he came out ready to spend the last few moments left in the day, he was greeted with you sleeping. He couldn’t blame you. Today was an emotional rollercoaster. 

Before he slept with you, he wrote a letter to you. In case that he had to leave in the morning for his schedule. Oh and of course he gave you a forehead kiss, wished that you slept well, and to have sweet dreams.

The season of Spring usually is the season of hope, blossoming of flowers, and the warmth returning but this year it brought the opposite. On the flip side, the season of Winter usually is the season of sadness, heartbreak, and the loss of warmth but this year it brought the opposite. 

The Spring Snow will always follow each other to give what the other season was missing. Like Spring Snow, you and Eric complete each other in ways people don’t understand because they are not you and him.

wow ash the boyz debut fic :)) 

I hope you enjoyed this and if you did please interact with it by reblogging it (preferably with tags and what you liked about it or what you didn’t like), sending in an ask or dm to me, or even leaving a comment in the notes section. I appreciate you and hope you remember to take care

signing off with love to eric,

- ash

[redemptionbaby]

Hi there, I just binged your blog and it has restored my nutrition levels. If you want I would love to read about what Arthur would think/feel/do if his crush / s/o was not in the gang and he could only get away to see them once a week? (I'm not sure if he'd be wanting to keep his 2 lives separate for a while for some reason??) I'm wondering what he'd be like lovesick, cuz I'm definitely missin that cowboah </3 :') many thanks

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Arthur is not that interesting. At least, that’s what he thinks. He’s an open book— and he’s not the type to keep liaisons…. Until he met you. And suddenly he’s riding off to god knows where, as usual, but with a telltale smile on his face that makes people curious.

He feels conflicted, of course. He loves you. He knows the gang isn’t a safe place— and you’re too sweet to fit in with a bunch of thieves and murderers like them…. He thinks it’s a miracle that you see anything in him. That— and with the increasing instability of it all, Micah whispering in Dutch’s ear, the way it’s becoming clearer and clearer that these violent delights are going to have violent ends. He doesn’t think the gang is a safe place to be.

Then again, he remembers the last time he left people he was connected to— left them to fend for themselves while he went and played Robin Hood. He had to bury them.

As things escalate within the gang, he also worried about his attachment to you becoming known, and it calling his loyalty into question. He could give less of a damn if Dutch thinks his allegiances lie elsewhere— but he doesn’t want you in the middle of it. He’s afraid of the lengths to which Dutch will go to keep Arthur close.

Back in the day, when he really thought they were all good people, when he thought the gang was the best thing in the world and a force of charity to those who needed it, he would’ve tried to get you in just as soon as you’d shared your first kiss. But the years have washed away the rosy tint on his vision.

A part of him is guilty. Is he just using you for a refuge? A place to go when things finally go past the point of no return? Are you a contingency plan for him?

But part of what keeps him coming back is how you melt those worries away. When he’s with you, he can’t bring himself to think of all his troubles. He’s consumed by you and all your radiance. You sit under a tree on breezy spring afternoons with his head in your lap while you read a book aloud to him.

In truth, having you to go to….. having a sort of home— that’s one of the few things that’s still keeping him going.

And he never comes back to camp empty handed. He doesn’t want anyone sniffing after him…. Suspicious of where he’s gone. So he always comes back with money, loot, fresh game, a lead….. anything to keep up his image of the Van Der Linde workhorse.

He might tell a few precious and trusted friends about you. The ones who still remember true love and the life that exists beyond their traveling bubble of crime and self righteousness. Sadie, for example. She remembers love. Not just survival and blind loyalty.

And in the world where there are happy endings, he shows up bloodied and beaten at your doorstep one fateful evening— his ties severed. Arthur Morgan died on a mountain, and a new man has emerged, ready to live his life for love and quiet solitude. And despite his aches and stinging wounds— he feels better than he has in a long time. Because he’s in your arms, and for the first time, he won’t have to leave them.

[libertyreads]

Book Review #8 of 2024--

The Exiled Fleet by J.S. Dewes. Rating: 3.25 stars.

Read from February 4th to 6th.

Man, can books stop getting printed with such absolutely TINY font? I ended up checking the ebook out from my local library to read this one because I was getting a headache from reading the small print. I know publishers want to save money by using fewer pages per book or whatever, but I'm getting older and my eyes cannot take the abuse. It doesn't help that I read two different books back to back that had such small font. Complaint over.

As some might know, I've been missing The Expanse a lot over the past several months. So, when a booktuber recommended this series I jumped on it so fast. I've been craving some Sci-Fi in my life. And I did enjoy book number one in this series. I read it last month and rated it 3.75 stars. This one doesn't live up to that first one for a couple of reasons. 1) It uses a lot of the same tricks or conveniences from the first book to make everything work out for our main characters. 2) When we weren't running into the same tricks over and over, we were running up against problem after problem for what felt like no reason. There's a specific moment in the book that I'm thinking of where they have to travel pretty far in order to get something to help with their task...but then they don't get it...and technically don't need it? Which felt weird. I know this was probably only there to move a certain aspect of the plot forward but it felt so clunky.

And maybe I need to put some of the blame on myself for not giving this book a fair enough shot. It isn't fair for me to want the first series from an author to live up to my love for The Expanse series. I heard someone say a while back that we need to meet books where they are in order to give them a fair chance and I think that's what I really should have done with this series as a whole.

Don't get me wrong though, there are aspects of this world that I love. Adequin Rake and Cavalon Mercer are such a wonderful set of characters. These are the two point of view characters we get throughout the novel and they're so absolutely different but there's something about their personalities that really make them play off each other really well. The side characters are also really great and deserving of so much love. There's also such a great moment in this one where Adequin, who has been away from any real society outside of the crews of the ships out at The Divide for over 5 years at this point, ends up on a station with a lot of civilians wondering around and we see her having to reign in her feelings about being around other humans she's not in charge of. And we get a moment like this again when she ends up planetside for the first time in that long and she has a weird sort of culture shock. Those moments really made me feel something about her and her life since arriving at The Divide. It was so good.

I do plan on reading the next book when it comes out at the end of the year. Maybe a little time away from these characters, this plot, these settings will make the heart grow fonder. And hopefully I can meet that book where it is when it does come out.

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 85

Morning came all too soon, neither had slept a wink, their frantic lovemaking lasted until an hour ago, both of them not wanting their time together to end, “I don’t want to let you go” he pushed a tired kiss on the top of her head “it feels like we’re at crossroads again, I’ve only just found you again” his warm breath whispering against her head sent chills down her spine, I don’t want you to leave and I don’t want to leave this bed, I don’t want to leave you. Just jump on that plane to Australia with him and forget about your family, but he actually sealed her fate “but I understand you need to sort this out with your family and you know what they say ‘longing makes the heart grow fonder’ even though I don’t know if that is even possible” his lips curled into a sad smile, he so didn’t want to get up but her plane was leaving in a few hours. “Join me in the shower?” he growled letting go of her and sat up to push himself off the bed, why did he suddenly feel like he was 100 years old? Easy, because she kept him young. “Why don’t you go get a hot shower started, I’ll be right there” she pushed a kiss on his shoulders and grabbed her phone, 10 missed calls, all from Arno..hopefully they changed their mind, I don’t want to go..but I have to..get this sorted, the sooner I can leave this behind me, the sooner I can be with Jared again. Their bodies connected once again under the hot water with every last bit of passion they had in them, both of them not knowing when the next time would be, the only thing they knew was that it was gonna take a while and neither of them was one bit happy about that.//One last kiss and one final bear hug leaving her perfume to still dance in his nose and the firm promise to call him when she had landed, before the big steel bird had taken her away from him, he had never seen her so nervous and desperate, how would he even get through the days without her when he couldn’t even get through hours? His own phone bleeped him out of his train of thought, duty called, but he couldn’t care less. The only name on his mind was hers.

New York was cold and dreary, getting into the waiting cab, a whiff of his perfume drifted up to her, god I miss you Jared, why did I ever think this would be a good idea?

From: HCDeRobiano

To: BJLCubbins

Subject: back in the concrete jungle

Hello lover,

I miss you, more than I could ever say, this all seems so pointless without you. What am I even doing here?

Yours forever (if you let me)

Harper

Jared was finishing up packing his last bag when he felt the faint buzz of an e-mail, please let this be her..yes it was, his fingers stumbled over the screen

From: BJLCubbins

To: HCDeRobiano

Subject: Re:back in the concrete jungle

Hello sweetie,

So glad you made it safe back to the Big Apple, you’re there so you can get things resolved and leave this all behind as quickly as possible, so we can finally leave all this behind us.

I haven’t even left and the thought of being on that long flight to the other side of the world without you is unbearable, but let’s hold on to the idea that in a few days, you and I will be together again, doing what we do best, (we’ve been doing it all night, so I’m sure you’ve not forgotten about that)

Let me know how it went asap?

You’re on my mind always! I love and miss you too!

Your lover par excellence

J.

She got out of the cab and stopped in her tracks to read his e-mail, clutching the phone to her heart, she took a deep breath looking up at the hospital in front of her, here went absolutely nothing.

”Everything is loaded up, we can go now if you’re ready” the guy who came to pick him up said, “yeah, I’m ready” he closed the door behind him, all day he had been waiting for a call, a mail, anything, but nothing, every one of his calls had rolled to voicemail and it sure didn’t put his mind at ease, this was not like her, she always kept her promises and she had looked so desperate this morning. “We really need to go now” the driver’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts, “yeah yeah, I know” he walked to the car, not able to keep his eyes off his phone when he shuffled into the backseat. For fuck’s sakes, why don’t you pickup?? It’s not switched off or has a flat battery, I’m sick of all this calling, hasn’t it come to your mind that I’m starting to get worries and I’m just about to board a plane? All annoyed he ended another attempt to call her. “Jay, come on” Shannon gestured at him to hurry up, he was trying to delay getting on that plane, “yeah, yeah one more call” he waved at him to get onto the plane already, Arno, great idea, he was gonna call Arno, 2 minutes later he was ready to throw his phone on the tarmac, why did everyone have phones when they just ignored every call or mail or text??? “Jared?” now it was Shayla’s voice who urged him to hurry up. “Alright, alright” he rolled his eyes and accepted his fate of being locked up in a massive plane high up there for almost an entire day without any news from her, maybe she would send him a mail, at least something to look forward to.

”Ciao Papa” she stuttered as she walked inside the room and saw her father sitting up in his bed, he looked like a new man, nothing like when she last saw him here attached to all sorts of tubes, was he alone here? Suddenly she was roughed pushed inside the room from behind, causing her to stumble forward while her mother pushed past her without a word or even a glance. “Come stai, Papa? You look so much better” just ignore all the aggressive stares, break the ice, Harper, just suck it up. “Harper Coco” hearing her father say her full name sent a shiver down her spine and not in a good way, he had always used her full name before he went in predator modus when she was a child. Coming here had obviously been a mistake, and where was Arno?, she really didn’t want to beat about the bush, she had Jared to go back to, would he be getting ready now for Australia? “do I look better? Well I certainly don’t feel much better, knowing it was you who put me here in the first place, but I guess you always had your heart on hurting your mother and me, didn’t you?” his voice was ice and so were his eyes that drilled into hers.

“Will anything I say even matter? In my experience it has always been the other way round when you two knocked me around the house almost every day..” she spat back and he didn’t even flinch “Anyway, Arno said you wanted to talk to me? I’m here now, so talk”.  It was her father’s almost devilish grin that shook her to the core “Arno just did what we asked him to do..” he paused for effect “Let’s be honest here, you tried to kill us, Harper, plain and simple, and that ‘s not just an opinion, no, myself and the entire family are convinced that these..vile pieces of…” he hesitated, intense disgust scribbled over his face “mockery that you waisted paint on were an attempt to humiliate, even desecrating the importance and standing of one of the most ancient and most powerful aristocratic names of Italy that is the House of De Robiano d’Arcy”. Before she could even form a word, his voice thundered over her “ever since you were a child, you were demonic, always bullying, hurting your siblings, your parents..and now you thought you would serve the final blow and almost had me killed”. What??? What the fuck was he saying? “WHAT?? Are you fucking kidding me? I’m the bully??? I tried to kill you??? YOU!...YOU were the one who singled me out of all your children and beat me, kicked me until I was black and blue and had to be rushed to the hospital..what????” big tears of frustration and helplessness against this vicious and slanderous attack started to roll down her face while he single-handedly erased and re-wrote the pages of her haunted childhood and youth that had been packed with physical abuse.

”Your outburst is another fine example of your psychopathic nature, you need professional help, girl..it just goes to show that your mother and I were right to cut you off of your financial support and to take away your title..you were never one of us and neither did you ever want to be, and if an attempted murder is your way of paying us back for everything we have done for you emotionally and financially, then I see no other way of disowning you completely”. A door opened behind her and a few sharp dressed men walked in “Miss Harper Coco De Robiano d’Arcy? As attorney of Mr. and Mrs. De Robiano d’Arcy, I hereby request to sign this document that will officially take away the aristocratic title that your name provides, neither shall you receive any financial support by requesters present here, subsequently you will also be written out of the requesters testament and will, neither will you be able to contest this decision. Should you seek contact with any member of the family mentioned hereabove, for any reason, a summon to court will follow” He put the document on the table and pointed out where she needed to sign, completely overwhelmed  and distraught by this ordeal, she put the pen to paper and scribbled her name, soon as she put down the pen again, he handed her a copy of the document. “This is your copy, and this..” another document was handed over to her “is a summons to court for abuse and neglect. I must emphasise that this summons will be under scrutiny of the court and should any info show up in the media or elsewhere, you will be charged with intentional disclosure”.

[quillsinkwell]

Sneak Peek of Chapter 12 of BTC!

A necessary conversation and epiphany that has been delayed for too long.

(Henry's point of view)

Life was relatively going well at the safehouse.

Allison was growing fonder of them every day, and although Tom seemed the same, Allison swore the same was true for him.

Norman seemed to recall more of his human self, from small moments at the studio, to details about his family and past that no one else knew.

Porter and Bendy were helping Audrey train her powers so that way she could get stronger, and it seemed to be going well.

And Bendy was growing more comfortable talking to the other people in the safehouse, even it was just short phrases.

There was one concern that plagued Henry's mind.

Sammy.

He didn't speak often after what Tom had said about his 'flock', and more often than not simply laid on the cot, facing the wall.

It worried Henry, to say the least.

He had hope that Sammy was getting better, that he was recovering from all that Joey had done to him, but Tom's statement seemed to have sent him back into spiralling into his own mind.

Damn it, Tom! Why couldn't you have just been a jackass to only me like you've done all the previous cycles?!

He knew there wasn't a point to asking that question. He already knew the answer.

Tom had plenty of reason to be a jackass, especially considering who was in his safehouse, but that didn't change the fact that it pissed Henry off.

Henry. What is the matter.

AH! Uh, nothing, it's nothing, Henry thought back to Bendy, having gotten semi-used to the demon's telepathy.

Henry. Do not lie to me. I can sense your unease and fear.

It's really nothing, bud, besides I don't wanna put this on you.

...You let me confide my deepest, darkest secrets and dread within you, it is only fair that I return the favor.

Well, he had a point. And Henry would be lying if he said he didn't wanna talk about this with someone.

Alright, you got me. It's Sammy.

What about him? Is he causing you pain?

NO! No, it's the opposite. I'm worried about him. He hasn't talked to any of us since Tom gave him the news.

Why do you care?

Because he's my friend. I care about him and I want to help him recover from all of this like I do with you.

I see, I see.

Thanks for letting me talk about it, bud.

It is no problem.

Henry fiddled with his hands.

He had to figure out a way to fix this.

•••

(Bendy's point of view)

Bendy really didn't want to do this.

He stood at the wall separating him, Audrey, and Porter from the others.

It wasn't too late to back out. He could just go back to sleep with the others.

Bendy wasn't especially fond of Sammy. He found him extremely irritating.

On a good day, he was useful for doing something Bendy wanted.

On a bad day, he was a pest Bendy found use in solely as a target to unleash his rage upon.

He truly didn't understand why Henry cared about Sammy Lawrence. He was irritating, clinging, and creepy.

But, Henry was a saint, and in a past life he was friends with Sammy, so it wasn't too surprising that he chose to befriend him again.

And Bendy was a core part of Sammy's disheveled mind, so he was probably also a core part of undoing his insanity.

Still didn't change the fact he didn't want to do this.

He used his abilities to melt his way through to the wall to get to the cell that Sammy was in.

Come on, Bendy. Do it for Henry.

•••

(Sammy's point of view)

Sammy.

Sammy's slumber was interrupted by a sudden call into his unconscious.

A very familiar call.

He turned to the opposite side of the wall to see the Ink Demon (albeit in his tiny form) staring at him..

He immediately bolted to sit up straight and properly face the Lord.

Sammy. We need to talk.

Sammy gulped.

So this is how I die.

####################################

Thank you to @preciouslittletoonette for your lovely comments, thank you to all of my lovely readers for liking and reading the fic, and I hope you have a nice whatever time it is in your timezones!

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

SO. SEVERAL POINTS TO MAKE. So many severals that I’m gonna make this a read more.

S Rank for Majima Everywhere, was gonna go to the ‘final showdown’ (which can’t actually be final cause I KNOW I can get to Triple S Rank, right? but whatever) but we’re not ready for it to end, so me and bestie were like “okay we’ll save it for later, for now let’s do more plot” because we have no side missions to find.

Yall won’t fuckin believe this. By doing more plot, we managed to get to the bit where Majima himself texts us to warn us about some guys who are after us (look, this makes me emotional okay? Nishida didn’t email or call, no, Majima got a fucking phone and personally messaged Kiryu telling him he was worried for him. I just....I need a minute okay). And I immediately go OH NO because then it’s the fuckin bit where he helps us kick ex-Dojima family ass (very beautifully btw) AND IS SHOT INTO THE FUCKING SEA.

AND KIRYU.

DOES.

NOTHING.

I was laughing, I’ll admit, because it’s so funny for Kiryu to see Majima get fucking shot and just be like “he’ll be fine lol”, but I am actually really annoyed by it, and more importantly, so are bestie and bae. (Bear in mind, bae hasn’t really understood why I love Majima but he’s grown fonder of him, probably from doing all the Majima Everywhere stuff in quick succession).

For me, it’s the fact that Kiryu straight up says he doesn't have time, Kazama is a priority rn. Okay, ignoring the fact that I’ve been playing a bug tiddy card game and racing plastic fast cars and hanging out with hostesses instead of the Actual Plot so God knows why he’s got a problem with prioritising anything other than that, it honestly makes me so sad how Majima just...isn’t a priority for Kiryu.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love Kiryu, I don’t hate him (bae currently does), but Majima is so clearly fucking obsessed with him and cares about him, and Kiryu just...doesn’t get it?? I’m kinda joking when I call them boyfriends but I’m also not. Mad as he is, Majima cares about Kiryu and everything he’s done has been for his own sake. He’s always got his eye on him, always trying to help him get his strength and skill back, trying to hang out and play games with him for God’s sake, and Kiryu gives him nothing. 

I think to him, Majima is....a fact. He’s the Mad Dog of Shimano, he’s everywhere, no matter what he’ll be there to barge his way into a fight or a game or whatever Kiryu’s up to. He doesn’t have to worry about him, the man’s unstoppable and unhinged, no matter what, he will be fine. But, even if that were true....I feel like he should still care. What would Kiryu do if one day, Majima wasn’t there? If the guy he rolls his eyes at and considers a nuisance, but a consistent nuisance, suddenly wasn’t there? Was truly out of commission, truly hurt? What then? Would he care? What would it take for Kiryu to see that Majima is mortal, that he’s human?

He keeps giving us glimpses behind the mask, let’s it slip for just a moment here and there, and Kiryu just goes ‘damn Majima-san is so weird, you never know what he’s thinking’ WELL MAYBE IF YOU TRIED TO LEARN TO READ HIM KIRYU YOU’D KNOW!!!!

Again, I knew this happens, but bae and bestie didn’t, and they’re genuinely really upset at Kiryu for it. They even assumed he drove the truck into Shangri-La because he was pissed at Kiryu but to their surprise, no!!! He doesn’t even bring it up!!! He just wants to fight Kiryu cause that’s what he’s into, and he calls him amazing before passing out. They’re mad at Kiryu on Majima’s behalf which I find very funny but I’m also vindicated because yes, they too are starting to see Majima as Boyfriend Material.

I will reiterate, I DO NOT HATE KIRYU. I just really really love Majima and I’m sad he doesn’t get shown even a fraction of that love by anyone in this game. Poor baby :(

[alyjojo]

Love Reading 💐- June 2023 - Leo

Singles:

Overall energy: The Hermit

How you will meet: The Fool

How they will treat you: Queen of Wands & The Moon

Long-term Potential: 6 Swords & Ace of Cups

Oracle: Keep calm and fucking breathe.

You’re obsessed with this person. It’s something that’s going to hit you out of left field, you never saw them coming, and The Fool can be anything spontaneous, unexpected, surprising, like being hit by lightning. Uranus energy, which rules Aquarius, and I think every single one of their cards is out here, they definitely have that placement somewhere in their top 3. This whole vibe is like…meeting someone on a bus. You never saw them coming, neither one really gets a chance to do anything, but your eyes meet and the earth shakes a little and you’re left like…wtf just happened? There is never much if any talking, like you don’t even know this person, nor they you. They make it clear they’re attracted, or they find you attractive, that’s what’s over here driving you CRAZY. They’re probably with someone else, but with The Hermit, you may not know that, or their name, or anything about them except you just want to spend forever with them so…chop chop manifest wtf 😆 The Hierophant could show them as married, or committed, this was like a fleeting moment that made both of you feel good, attractive, seeing some other possibilities of life and just boosting your confidence. Meant to be shows it was supposed to happen, for both of you, but we don’t know their wife just yours. You needed a zinger, zap, lightning bolt ⚡️ to remind you what you’ve got going on. Feel confident! But long term, no this isn’t the one, I don’t even see you hearing from them or seeing them again. They probably don’t even usually take that bus or something. You just need a boost 💖

Messages -

Their side:

- Rebel Without A Cause

- Meant To Be

Your side:

- There’s no one else for me.

- I see you everywhere!

Signs you may be dealing with:

Aquarius 💯 Pisces, Aries & Virgo

Couples:

Overall energy: The Wheel of Fortune

Current: Page of Swords

Challenge: 6 Swords

How they feel about you: 7 Cups & King of Cups

How you feel about them: Ace of Cups

Outcome: 7 Pentacles

Distance has made the heart grow fonder in this connection. You’ve been separated, you’re probably the one that’s left in the first place, because you have regrets about hurting this person now. Wheel of Fortune shows karma, destiny, you were supposed to be apart so that you could reunite later on, for some this is Twin Flame, doesn’t have to be necessarily but it is a karmic soul tie of some kind regardless. Currently, you’re both speaking the truth about everything that’s happened between you in the past, in order to gain closure and hopefully start again, with Judgement here. The challenge could literally be distance, all three cards here show actual distance between you, not just emotionally. You could be unable to be together, due to work, finances, whatever the case may be. I do get a “later” vibe, not this month, but it could become a reality later on.

They feel like you jumped into a relationship with someone else…but kept your options open, still up in their DM’s or something. Your messages confirm regrets and missing them. Your feelings for them are that you love them and are conflicted about whether you can start again because of the hurt that’s been caused in this relationship, showing you understand how they feel about all of this. Really good vibes honestly. The outcome for June is waiting for this wish to come true, because there’s nothing you can do, but wait. I get a hopeful vibe though.

Messages -

Their side:

- I am entranced by you 😵‍💫

- I don’t want anyone else

Your side:

- I miss you

- I wish I knew then what I know now

Oracles -

One word: Meditate 🧘🏻‍♀️

Their side: Prayer is very powerful, but your life can be a living prayer.

Your side: Don’t let your feelings be hurt by someone who doesn’t have the soul to judge you.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Scorpio, Aquarius, Cancer, Virgo, Aries & Pisces

[blackberryblueberry]

interlude: limerence, celibacy, depression

I read over a couple of past entries and felt bitter. Particularly the entries with H, where I can see him being shitty and disrespectful and manipulative, even provocatively so, and I'd maintain a thoughtful equanimity. In hindsight, I always wish I were more reactive, more angry. He treated me like he was superior to me. At least, I was able to forget about him quickly. It was much harder to forget A, who I saw a few times socially when I returned to Brooklyn, with the hope that I could create a friendship with him. (He told me early on that he wasn't sure if I'd liked him early on, and I asked him why he thought I kept dating him. He replied, "Because you wanted a friend?")

First, I saw him at an art show where he introduced me to a number of his friends. Outside the gallery I caught one of those friends tying their bandana onto his head; as soon as A saw me step outside, he hurriedly pulled the bandana off, fumbling with the knot. The friend--a really young thing, just out of college--bent down and hugged her knees. It was strange, and maybe I hoped it didn't mean what I thought it meant. After the show we all went to dinner and karaoke, and I smoked outside with another one of A's friends who told me that she'd met A on Tinder. "We're friends," she said, and then added, "I think." Inside, the young thing and A sat close together, legs touching. A couple people at the show were taking a car back to Brooklyn, and I signaled I'd like to ride home with them. I think A heard me; shortly after, he and the young thing left together. As they walked out the door my heart sank to the ground. I hadn't known these feelings were lurking in me. I probably should have: I had been thinking about A constantly. While I was traveling, I read his writing and looked at his childhood photos; I grew fonder of him even though I was trying to forget him.

Through the summer A texted me sporadically. The texts announced that he was very busy and cooped up. At no point did he say he wanted to see me, and he would ignore my invitations to see shows or films. A few times I asked if we could talk, and he'd delay. We never talked. Still, every few weeks, he texted to check in on me, to announce again that he was busy and cooped up. If I asked him what he was working on he'd answer, "Things I'd like to forget."

I was engulfed in sexual desire for A that I couldn't bear to admit to anyone. A few times I imagined, what if I just asked him for sex? What if I really got across to him that I didn't need anything from him, that I was willing to make myself as inconvenient as possible, if only he'd sleep with me? Even to get a no would be a relief. I didn't do it. To some extent I didn't want to appear desperate, although true desperation overcomes the need for appearances. It's that with even ten seconds of reflection it was clear that my desperation was far from just sexual. It was physical and emotional and social and intellectual; it was all-encompassing. Of course I wanted more from him, but I was trying to settle for less, and to lie about these terms would mean that I further wouldn't be able to manage rejection of these terms.

I described my romantically disappointing situation to a straight guy friend (a fuckboy), who told me, "They're maintenance texts. He's keeping you as an option." It was embarrassing to know that this was true and yet suffer on account of it. Every time I responded to one of A's texts, even if my response was trivial, I'd become wracked with anxiety, imagining the texts being judged or dismissed. (And I imagine they were; but confusingly, he kept me on the hook.) It didn't feel safe to say anything. All of my fantasies of us transmuting our fleeting fling into a generative and unique friendship were not coming true. Some nights I would visit the reddit page for limerence, and take comfort in others' descriptions of their their painfully intense feelings of unrequited yearning.

I began to feel that my circumstances were not only romantic in nature but also technological. The hell that I lived in--A's ability to project enticing images, to keep a version of himself alive in my thoughts and heart without needing to reveal anything or sacrifice any of his time--was critically assisted by texting and social media; and here I was medicating my anguish on the internet as well. I felt scared. I was living in a world without physics or chemistry; the slightest touch could have outsized effects on my psychic wellness, and my enormous inner drive could be effortlessly dodged by their object. And yet it bore a resemblance to the rest of my life; one where my desires were kept secret and my outward displays were either punished or misheard. I couldn't escape the feeling that I'd been rejected for not being queer or artistic enough for A, who moved on to wooing more visibly queer femmes and more successful artists and scholars. I had always felt that my hyper-sensitivity, my emotional reactivity, and my sense of isolation from the rest of the world was what made me an artist and a queer (or what made me claim these terms from the social realm as my own). I had never been to translate any of these characteristics into externally recognized sexual or artistic achievement.

Eventually, after a few weeks where A was texting more frequently than usual (but still avoided spending time with me in person), I told him I was feeling awful and that I needed to talk to him, face-to-face. I've logged that conversation here. I got the "no" that I was searching for. It didn't bring me total relief; the pain reverberated for many more months, over the course of a long winter in which the world bore witness to genocide and A and his circle of anarchist and activist artists and filmmakers organized visible responses (cultural boycotts, art builds, exhibition withdrawals) and I felt helpless and isolated and atomic and useless, with no organizing base. It became even more important to me that my life have purpose and meaning, and yet none of my previous constructions of meaning and purpose made sense to me anymore. The ways in which we made meaning, and gave people purpose, had been totally discredited. But I tried to show up in these spaces, and meet people, thinking that the answer lay in the social realm, and with other people.

[first13]

[ cooking ] - sender and receiver prepare a meal or some sort of baked good together {From Steve!}

Her glasses are propped appropriately on her nose as Margaret reads from the recipe book on the stand. She's in the zone as she measures out the proper amounts of each ingredient to make things easier later. Perhaps it was all of her teachings as a young woman, the thirties offered homemaking lessons to women in that time and while her parents could have afforded to send her, a young girl to get a man's formal education, she still valued the fact that she had learned to keep a home.

She did think Steve appreciated that side of her too. The more maternal caregiver side, it reflected as some kind of feminine weakness when it came to other men in her workplace back at the SSR. There she was either ill-equipped because of her anatomy or too much of a tomboy for the boys to keep up with.

Well, she did grow up with a brother. It was inevitable really. She used their underestimations of her against them. It's how she got so good at espionage.

"Stevie darling," It's sung slightly as it comes out and she points to a particular bowl, "I need strong arms to knead that dough, it's pretty tough." It's not often that she uses the damsel in distress trope, but she does know that he likes a task, some kind of duty and she wanted him to notice just how much she enjoyed watching him at work. Battlefield or kitchen. It did help that he looked like an adonis. Then again, she thought that even before he took the serum.

Her summer dress swooshes as she spins from one end of the kitchen to the other, pre-heating the oven, prepping pans and pots and stopping briefly just to watch those said arms at work, each flex of his bicep, how defined he was...

What? They were trying this thing. She was allowed to look unashamedly behind closed doors. He had 70 years, she hadn't been away for so long but distance made the heart grow fonder right?

She does make quick work of busying herself the moment she notices he was about to turn to look at her. "We gotta roll that out in a little bit and add butter between each fold to get it all flaky." She says quickly. The last thing she wants to do is lay it on too thick. She wasn't a common whore now. Thought time travel and confined spaces were starting to make her feel like one.

Peggy climbs on the countertop to reach the taller cupboard to grab some more ingredients, "Who would have thought? Captain America, Artist, Avenger, Personal chef" She snorted.

[kghr-8125]

New chapter and new tears to cry

Once again I will be writing down some thoughts and rambles about the lastest chapter so if you haven't read it yet feel free to scroll past this or read the chapter first if your Interested in stuff i wanna say

First of all im starting off by saying how just much of an idiot both of them are.They are dumbass friends to dumbass lovers and where would they be without Niibashi.Everyone say your thank you and love and adore Niibashi for everything he's done.

Hirano getting up way more earlier than usual to buy Kagiura some chocolates has got me feeling a sort of way.When your someone who's bad at waking up early in the morning but you wake up even earlier to do this for someone that is love,whether Hirano's feelings are purely platonic or not that is still a sweet gesture to show you care about someone.

It was so precious seeing how Kagiura reacted to knowing he was the only one who got chocolates in return from Hirano it made him so happy.

Its actually would be interesting to see Kagiura trying to do things on his own now but I hope it won't cause angst or if it does then it won't be too much.Im also really interested in how its gonna affect Hirano since Kagiura doing this would affect the normal routine they usually have.Hirano has gotten use to doing all sorts of things for Kagiura so how would he react if one day he suddenly can't do so anymore and I wonder if Kagiura would tell him the reason why he's doing it in the first place or not.

Another thing im hoping for is that he won't start being way too independent since Hirano taking care of him has been a huge part of their relationship and also was the reason Kagiura fell for him in the first place.Im all for Kagiura trying to be on the same level as Hirano so he actually gets seen as a potential romantic partner for Hirano and not just a little brother(or son) he wants to take care of but again only if it means that this time Hirano can see him in a new light and that if Kagiura starts being more reliable then maybe Hirano can start leaning on him when he needs to.

Kagiura being more independent can actually open up a door for the possibility of seeing Mr self reliant Hirano Taiga be the one getting taken care of this time.Not only does it make the whole "I just want to take care of him that's all" invalid because he's the one receiving care,it also would create a difference between Kagiura and all the other people in Hirano's life(aside from his parents I think) because as far as im aware no one else is actually trying to go out of their way to take care of Hirano since he can handle himself pretty well.

Its true Hanzawa does worry about him but what I think is the difference between him and Kagiura is that Hanzawa has the responsibility not only as a friend and classmate to Hirano but as a dorm head too but for Kagiura,between him and Hirano he's still the younger one out of both of them, he still is Hirano's kouhai and its Hirano who's suppose to take care of him not the other way around.Another thing is that I think Kagiura would be the same as Hirano in way where they would both go through great lengths just to take care of or do things for each other.

I also see some people talking about how they think Kagiura pulling a bit away could create a distance between both of them making Hirano miss the way he use to takes care of Kagiura and this might make him realize his feelings but while I do wanna see Hirano missing their usual thing and as appealing is the whole "distance makes the heart grow fonder" I would prefer seeing Hirano gaining more awareness that's cause by Kagiura being more dependable to him.I want it less of them having this distance cause by it and more of Kagiura being able to take care of Hirano in return.Which also reminds me of Hirano saying how its bad manners to always received and never give,especially since this chapter I think it properly hit Kagiura in the face that Hirano does a whole lot for him.

I put my whole trust in Sensei because of how things are going so far and I know whatever directions she decides to take will still make the story amazing but I really do hope that Hirano and Kagiura drifting a bit apart will not happen or at least not yet because they just settled their whole argument and things are ok again.It would be cruel to give them more issues just right after their fight and come on we're still 16 chapters in and we've been through 2 waves of depression already,we need some time before another one hits us.

[unwantedtomost]

it had been months — sebastian stan

sebastian stan x fem!reader

word count: 4,401 words

summery: it had been nine months since you and your first real long term boyfriend broke up. but as they say, time makes the heart grow fonder ... and it also made the lust build up.

warnings: angst, smut, thigh riding, cheating, kind of a breeding kink at the end, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it)

a/n: i have never actually posted a whole thing on here before, so i hope this goes well. i know my writing can improve, but it’s pretty good i would say. enjoy!

It had been months since you had broken up with your long-term boyfriend. Your first long-term boyfriend you had since you arrived to the Hollywood scene. Nine months, to be exact. The same amount of time it would have been to carry a child. A hypothetical child. The same hypothetical child that ruined your relationship in the first place.

“You don’t want kids?” Sebastian questioned as soon as you entered the shared apartment. The topic of children came up at dinner with your shared friends. You, offhandedly said: “God, no,” with a laugh, not giving it a second thought. Not till now.

“Not really,” you said as you unzipped your heeled boots. “I never really have, not since I was younger.”

“Never?” He asked, heart starting to beat heavier.

You looked up to him, concerned when you saw his face. It was the same face he had on every time you guys got in a face, mixed with disappointment, maybe even hurt. You smiled, trying to lighten the situation.

“Maybe not never,” you said, putting your shoes away. “But not at least for ten years, maybe even longer. I mean, I am only twenty-two. I would like a good life without children before bringing them into the mix.”

Your warm smile and calm demeanor did nothing to elevate the tension, something inside you saying it did the exact opposite. He looked serious and upset, a combination you never saw much.

“In ten years I’ll be almost fifty,” Sebastian states.

“So? Guys never really stop shooting out good rounds. All my parts will still be intact by that time too.”

“That’s not the point.”

“Then what is it?” You were confused. Why was he acting like this?

“I shouldn’t be old enough to be the kid’s grandfather.”

Anger started to bubble up as well. This tone that he had made you pissed off. He was talking like you were stupid like you didn’t get what he was saying. The brassiness you had in general not helping your temper.

“Maybe you should have thought about that before you started dating someone sixteen years younger than you,” you shot back.

Then the yelling started. Something that could have been a deep, meaningful conversation (one that frankly should have been had way before this point) turned into a full-blown fight. You both started going in at each other, picking at old scabs that you knew would hurt. That was the point, after all, you just wanted to hurt each other. Because you were mad and upset, you guessed, but by the end of it, you weren’t even sure.

The fighting ended two hours later, you sat, slumped on the couch, huffing. You tried to catch your breath from all the yelling. Your throat was hoarse, your cheeks sticky from dried tears.

“It seems like we’re not gonna work out then,” you said, numb.

“Seems so.”

And you left that night, grabbing nothing but your phone before making your way to your closest friend’s house.

After that, you cried for two months straight. You really thought that Sebastian was endgame. That you would be together forever. That you would be happy. Ever since you caught sight of him at your first audition, you felt that he was the one. Then the universe laughed maniacally as it showed you just how fucking wrong you were.

In the past nine months, you had seen him approximately sixteen times, most being in passing, a few being at parties, and one time being at a coffee shop that you both loved. You started to frequent it less after the breakup, too scared to bump into him. Little did you know, he was doing the same thing. The day you two saw each other was both of your first times in three months.

It was all stupid small talk until it wavered, forced laughs and fake smiles fading as the reality of the situation simmered in.

“Look, y/n—”

“Don’t,” you interrupted. You knew what he was going to say, and you didn’t want to hear it. You simply couldn’t. “It was nice seeing you again, Sebastian. I hope you have a good life.” You took a few steps before turning back around for a moment. He looked at you like he was expecting you to run into his arms and make everything go back to normal. “And I really hope you meet a girl that can give you what you need.”

He tried to reach out to you, but you wouldn’t let him. You simply walked away and left him, alone. That was the last time you had spoken to him.

It was five months after the breakup until you let your friends talk you into going out again. And that night you had run into none other than the Timothee Chalamet. Numbers were exchanged then the next thing you knew, you were naked in his hotel room. After that, you went through a bit of a “hoe stage.” Every two weeks you were on a cover of TMZ, E!, or any other celebrity gossip magazine that existed with a “possible new thing.” The people ranged from Tom Holland to Madison Beer, and no one knew what was true or not. After the first few batches came out, you stopped giving a shit. You were allowed to rebound with whomever or however you wanted to, and you were taking full advantage of that.

You were so busy juggling so many people that you hadn’t even thought about Sebastian. Not till right now. Your eyes catch his from across the ballroom that you’re currently in. Your pulse quickens rapidly, you feel like you might even faint. If it wasn’t for Timothee’s hand on your waist, you were sure you would have collapsed on the spot. You watched as Sebastian’s jaw clenched just like it did whenever you did something he disapproved of. Just like it did every time he gave into himself and read one of those stupid gossip sights and saw you all over whatever arm candy you had chosen for the week.

“I’ll be right back, okay babe?” Timothee said, kissing you on the cheek. He waited for you to nod before making his way to one of his friends.

You don’t know what to do and those beautiful blue eyes you fell in love with all that time ago refuse to leave yours. You feel like you want to cry, or scream, or throw up, but you know that you shouldn’t actually do any of those things. You’d draw attention and you don’t want any more people talking about you.

Luckily, one of your best friends, Elizabeth, pulls you into a tight hug and brings you back to earth. Her body feels warm and it makes you feel safe, the smell of her strawberry shampoo bringing you comfort.

“I know,” she said before you spoke. “I saw. Are you okay? I’ll leave with you right now if you want to.”

It takes you a minute to process everything, and even though you’re running everything through your mind, nothing really sinks in.

“I’ll be fine,” you say with conviction, though you don’t know if it’s true at all. “Leaving wouldn’t accomplish anything.” You stop talking for a minute before smiling at Elizabeth. “Now, let’s go give the people what they want and take some pictures together.”

It had been two hours and the event was finally coming to a close. No more than forty-five minutes and the place would be cleared out. With that knowledge, you went to go take advantage of the free bar stocked up with expensive liquor. After schmoozing with people you did not even want to interact with, you deserve it.

“Two shots of tequila and a rum and coke, please,” you say to the rather cute bartender, shoulders slumping.

As soon as the two shot glasses were in front of you, you downed them. It burned like hell and you could only imagine the ungodly face you made. You tried to chase it with the rum and coke, but it didn’t help much. You heard a gruff voice beside you order something, one that was very familiar. When you heard a chuckle, you knew for sure who was right next to you. You froze again, that same dizzy, sick feeling coming back. You turned your head slowly to see those big blue eyes for the second time tonight, your heart surely beating loud enough that anyone in a mile radius could hear it.

“You look beautiful tonight, y/n,” Sebastian said, leaning against the bar, facing you.

“You do too,” you blurt out. Face turning red after you realized that you’re fucking stupid. “I mean, you look—shit. You look very nice, Seb—Sebastian.”

You’re so flustered and red, you want to simply sink into the floor. For a moment, you wonder why he isn’t acting the same way. It could be that he had already had some to drink or maybe he was just better at controlling his emotion. And the thought that makes dread flow through you is that maybe he is just over you.

“Are you going to an after-party?” He asks, sipping from his glass.

“I don’t think so,” you say. You were supposed to go to one with Timothee, where you were finally going to announce that you two had become official, but now you just want to go home. “Are you?”

“Probably not,” he said simply. “I’ll just have a few more of these back home and go to bed.”

“Drinking alone is no fun,” you say, hinting. You know what you are trying to get across but you don’t know why. It’s like your mouth was moving before your brain could understand what you were doing.

“It’s not ideal,” he said. “But I really don’t have a date to drink with, unlike you.” He pointed towards Timothee talking to a director you hastily met.

“He’s not my date,” you shot out. “I mean, he is, but we’re not like, dating.” Why the fuck are you talking!?!?

“It’s none of my business,” Sebastian said. He didn’t sound mean, he sounded like he was trying to comfort you.

“I know … but we’re not … if you were wondering.”

He chuckled, placing a hand on your elbow. “It was nice to see you again, y/n.”

He turned to start walking away but you called after him, making him turn back around. “Wait!” Once he was facing you, you felt like you were in a movie. “I could go for a drink.”

Sebastian smiled but his eyes dismissed you. “What are you doing, sugar?” He warned.

“I don’t know,” you said honestly. “But don’t shut me down.”

With a shared smile, he took your hand and you both left the party. On the car ride back to his apartment (that used to be your apartment), you thought briefly about how you would explain this to Timothee in the morning. Then you turned off your phone so you didn’t have to feel guilty if he decided to text you. Neither of you spoke much on the way. His hand never left its place on your thigh before you were finally there.

When he opened the door, you stumbled lightly into the apartment. Sebastian caught you by wrapping his arm around your waist. He lightly sat you down on the chair by the entrance (the same one you had sat at nine months ago). Once he had closed the door and put his things down, he came back to you to help slip off your heels.

“Are you already drunk?” He chuckled.

“No, just a wee bit tipsy.”

“Your ‘wee bit’ is usually a lotta bit.”

“Not this time, I really mean just a wee wee bit.” You suddenly burst out laughing at the fact you just said wee wee, giving away the fact that you are indeed close to being drunk.

“Maybe you don’t need anymore to drink,” Sebastian said.

“C’mon, Sebby, take that stick out of your ass,” you say, making him laugh. It makes you feel lighter like you weren’t fucking shit up again. Like you weren’t making a mistake you would regret in the morning. 

You watched as he made his way into the kitchen, pouring both of you a glass of red wine. Your favorite and most expensive red wine, the one that you had left at the apartment after the breakup. You wondered if it was the same bottle, or if he had done the same thing he was doing with you with another girl. When he came back, he handed you the glass which you placed down on the coffee table, realizing you were still in a designer white dress that you didn’t own.

“Shit,” you muttered after your realization.

“What is it?”

“This isn’t my dress.”

His eyes wandered down your figure as he thought. “You can take that off and I can hang it up for you. I’m sure there’s something here you can wear.”

You nodded before he was walking towards the bedroom, the one you once shared. You followed after him through the small hall. You looked around the room, noticing how boring it looked now. None of your decorations you had were up anymore, but the small mural you once painted in the middle of the night was still in full view. Did he think about you every time he saw it? If he did, why didn’t he just paint over it? 

Sebastian placed one of his shirts (that was your favorite one to wear) and a pair of shorts you had thought you lost on the bed.

“Well, you can get changed in here,” he stated before going for the door.

“Actually,” you called out, stopping him from leaving. “Can you unzip me please?”

He paused for a moment before nodding, slowly making his way back to you. The room went silent as he softly collected your hair and moved it to one side. Heat started to rise through your body at the close proximity he held. His hands grazed your shoulders momentarily before he steadily unzipped the expensive dress. You caught his eyes in the mirror in front of you, your cheeks immediately burning red. He finished unzipping the dress before helping you slide it off your arms. You had to cover your breasts with your arm since you hadn’t worn a bra. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen your body before, he knew his way around there better than you did, but not covering yourself just felt inappropriate. But, to be fair, the entire situation felt inappropriate. The dress fell to a pool around your feet, leaving you in nothing but a pair of lace black underwear, ones that Sebastian had bought for you one month before you broke up. You stepped out of the dress, eyes never leaving his. He bent down to pick it up, blue orbs never leaving your eyes.

“I’ll go lay this on the guest bed,” Sebastian said plainly before leaving the room and closing the door.

Your heart was beating out of your chest as you let your arm fall. Even though you hadn’t even had a conversation with Sebastian in six months, being in that moment felt more intimate than anytime you had sex with Timothee—or anyone, for that matter. You pulled on the worn-out gray tee shirt that vaguely had ‘Coca-Cola’ printed across it before going out to the living room where you found Sebastian sipping on his wine, now dress in an old tee and grey sweatpants.

The next hour felt like a blur, it was filled with giggles and stupid comments. By the end of it, the wine bottle was empty and you two were officially wine drunk. Now, you were slumped on the couch (the one that you picked out), leaning towards Sebastian, hand dancing along the cushion space between you two.

“Have you realized we never had a goodbye?” You ask, breaking the silence.

“What do you mean?” He asked, not wanting his guess to what you were talking about to be right.

“I mean, we had a fight and I left then we were done. There were no ‘this is for the best’ speeches or attempts at a goodbye kiss. One day there was an us and the next it was … nothing.” You looked up at him, an innocent yet quizzical look on your soft features.

“We don’t have to talk about this,” he said.

Not this shit again. “I know,” you said, “we don’t have to talk about anything. We’re not together anymore. We don’t even need to acknowledge each other’s existence anymore. But tonight, you did, and now we’re on your couch.”

“I don’t—” he started, but you wouldn’t let him finish.

“We don’t have to talk about it then. But, I do have another question. Did you ever fuck anyone here?” The words flowed out before you could think any longer, nothing but courage and alcohol running through your body.

“What?”

“It’s pretty self-explanatory, Sebastian. I just want to know if you ever fucked someone in my—our—this place.”

His eyes bore into yours as he spoke, voice sharp and clear. “No, y/n, I have never fucked anyone in this place. No one but you.”

That answer made you happy. This place, your place, was still pure. No random hookups had tramped through the place where you lived.

“Good,” you accidentally said out loud, making him upset.

“Why does it even matter? It’s not like you weren’t fucking those young things you were all over in public.” He started to get angry at the thought. “Who are you to question me about my sex life after you broke up with me then pranced around tabloid covers for months with different people each week?”

“Because this was our house, I just want to know it wasn’t tainted by blonde bitches with names you didn’t even remember in the fucking morning.”

“Sorry to disappoint, but you’re the only blonde bitch I’ve fucked.”

Suddenly, your hand was moving and your palm was connecting with his face. It shocked both of you, making you both freeze in place. It took ten seconds before Sebastian grabbed the wrist you hit him with, yanking it so you were closer to him. So close you could feel his breath on your face.

“Slap me again and see what fucking happens, I dare you,” he spit out.

Then your heart was in your ass as your stomach erupted with butterflies and your panties soaked with arousal.

It was almost like you lost all control over your body as you smashed your lips against his. Your hands went to the back of his neck, pulling him in closer and tugging at the hair there. The intentional scruff on his face was harsh against your smooth skin, but it only elevated your pleasure. Sebastian’s hands went around the sides of your neck, one kind of cupping your face while the other was closer to the back to pull you closer. You felt like you needed to get closer to him, get as close as possible. You needed every single inch of him over every single part of yourself. Your leg swung, straddling him.

Without thinking, you rutted yourself against his thigh, a guttural moan coming from your lips as you did. It’s not like you hadn’t been touched in a while, you just got fucked a few days ago, but you hadn’t experienced something as hot as this in so long. It was rushed and needed, you felt like you would die if he stopped. Your hips absent-mindedly grinded down against his thigh again.

“Fuck, ride my thigh baby,” he ordered. You listened, slipping into your old ways. You continued to rut against his thigh as you kissed. He knew you were getting close by the moans you were letting out into the kiss. He pulled away from your lips, watching as you were losing yourself. “I want you to cum for me, sugar.”

Your hips slowed as your mind raced a mile a minute. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of making you cum from just his thigh. What would that do to his already inflated ego? It sounded like bullshit to give into him.

“No,” you mumbled out, your hips threatening to halt their movement.

“No?” He repeated.

You sat there for a minute, silent as his eyes frantically studied your face to see what the point was. He wondered if you wanted to stop, he would understand completely, but he knew that wasn’t what it was by the way you keep clenching your thighs together. Sebastian smirked as he realized what was really happening. He grabbed your hips and started to push you down on his thigh. The problem was that you wanted to cum, but you didn’t want to cum for him. Too bad he was determined on it.

You moaned loudly as he started to drag your hips. You were inching so close, the fact that you didn’t want to give in to the feeling made it feel like it was only becoming stronger. Your hands grabbed his old t-shirt as you frantically moved your hips back and forth. Your nose scrunched and your eyes shut tight, your mouth letting out a whisper of “oh fuck”s on a loop.

“That’s it,” you heard Sebastian say even though his voice sounded like it was miles away. “Cum like a good girl.”

Suddenly, all the pressure that was building up deep within your tummy snapped and you were on cloud 9. Your heat pulsed as you road out your orgasm, Sebastian's hands helping you immensely. It took a good minute of pants as you caught your breath before you opened your eyes and came back to reality.

“You’re a fucking asshole,” you muttered to him when you finally made eye contact again.

“I know,” he smirked. “Now be a good girl, sugar, and take off your pants.”

You questioned arguing with him more, but you decided not to. You wanted him, you wanted him so fucking bad. You stood up and pulled down your shorts, doing a little spin so Sebastian could marvel at how wonderful you looked.

“As beautiful as those look on you, darling, they’d look better on the floor.”

You playfully rolled your eyes as you stripped out of the underwear as well, leaving you in nothing but an old grey t-shirt. You went back to your place on Sebastian’s lap, pulling him in for another passionate kiss. You felt like you were melting into him entirely as everything snapped back into place. Your hands roamed lower, palming him through his grey sweats. You smirked to yourself at the realization of how hard he was already and at the fact he wasn’t wearing boxers. He lifted his hips to help you pull down his pants. Just as you were getting ready to place his member in the place you wanted him the most, he halts your movement by grabbing your wrist.

“Shit, I don’t have a condom, y/n,” he warned. You frowned, upset that he had stopped you.

“I don’t care.”

“But you still have that IUD in, right?”

You grimaced because no, you did not. Your five years had run out two months ago and you hadn’t gotten around to making an appointment for a new one. You shook your head slowly side to side before he sighed. He went to pull you off of him but you stopped him by holding onto his shoulders

“I don’t care,” you repeated.

“Y/n, you know why can’t.”

“Why not?”

He looked at you in disbelief. “Besides the fact you could get pregnant?”

“I don’t care,” you said one more time. “I want you.”

He looked into your eyes, trying his best to decipher your intentions.

“Y/n …”

“Get me pregnant, Sebby,” you said, meaning it too. “I want you, I want your kids. Fuck, I want us back. I don’t care if that means kids and a white picket fence. I just want you.”

“Are you sure?”

In response, you slowly leaned down and your lips touched. It was nothing like the kisses you had shared preferably, it was slow and soft. He pulled you closer, finally letting you lower yourself down on him. You both let out loud moans as you sink down on his member.

It was like you had forgotten what making love felt like, probably because you did. In the past nine months since you had split, you hadn’t made love with anyone once. It was all just meaningless sex or hot fucking, but there was no love behind it. You didn’t love Timothee, you hadn’t loved any of your flings. Maybe it was because you never stopped loving Sebastian—you were almost sure it was because of that.

You moved up and down whilst Sebastian thrust up into you. The room was filled with moans, grunts, and praises from both ends. He started to kiss your neck as his thumb started to rub your clit. The multiple amounts of stimulation only brought you closer to your climax.

“I’m gonna, fuck—I’m close.”

“I know, babygirl,” he cooed. “Look at me.” You looked into his blue orbs, feeling your climax inching ever so closer. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, yes, yes,” you whined out as your hips moved faster. “Cum inside me, Sebastian. Get me—fuck, god—put a fucking baby in me.”

With your confirmation, he flipped you on your back, thrusting harder. The hand that wasn’t toying with your clit interlaced with yours. Your grip on each other squeezed harder as you neared your finishes. You wrapped your legs around him as his hips started to stutter.

“Cum with me, baby,” Sebastian groaned.

You finally let the coil that built inside of you snap with his permission. Moments later, he busted inside of you, making you both yell out. He collapsed on top of you, trying his best not to crush you under his weight. You both panted for minutes before you finally spoke up.

“I love you,” you said. He lifted his head, looking into his eyes. “I never stopped.

“Neither did I,” Sebastian said. “Did you mean it, you want to have kids?”

“I want to do anything if it means I can be with you. Anything.”