#I stg I fucking hate my body so much

[thisperfectmonsoon]

it’s raining and I’m in the middle of two flare ups 🥲

[vorareromantic]

being autistic -> 🫠

vent in tags

[thecapricunt1616]

Strawberry - (c.b. one-shot)

𝓢𝓷𝓲𝓹𝓹𝓮𝓽 (𝓶𝓸𝓻𝓮 𝓑𝓣𝓒): He took his arm back, pushing you back into the bed, your cheek flush against the mattress. “Lost that fuckin privilege since you can’t keep y’teeth in y’mouth. Wanna act like an animal you’ll get fucked like an animal sweetheart” he spread your cheeks, one of them stinging from his rough assault on it as he continued to pound you, watching as your cunt gushed around him in awe. 

♡ One-shot Inspo: Strawberries Attract success, good fortune, and favorable circumstances. Served as a love food. Leaves are carried for luck. ♡ Summary: Carmy fucks you nearly to heaven from the back, enjoy! Inspired by the filthy wonderful beautiful perfect inspiring big juicy brained @carmenberzattosgf <3 love u mami ♡ W/C: 1,616 ;) ♡ Posted Date: 06/05/2024 ♡ A/N:  HELLO!!! To the folks that have asks rotting away in my inbox I stg they're getting written- but that task is made near impossible when my little filthy olive martini @carmenberzattosgf posts something SO good that it takes up my entire brain and I have to write something inspired by it. Please by god go read this my pussy was screaming by the end like - I think she woke up the neighbors. Anywhore, enjoy this filthy-mouthed Carmen, no D words to be found here folks so for those of you who hate it you're in luck! And to those that will miss it...you'll see Carmy is still daddy af. ENJOY my friends xoxo ♡ Warnings for BTC: Smut smut , fem!reader, Black!Reader friendly (pics are pure vibes), unprotected sex, swearing, fluffy aftercare, domestic bliss

♡ 𝐌𝐲 𝐋𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐬 ♡ ➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡ ➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞-𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐚𝐠𝐞 ♡ ➵ 𝘊𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 / 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘵 ♡ ➵ 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 ♡

Deep. 

So, so fucking deep. You could hardly even think. 

Short squeak-like moans were leaving your lips with each snap of Carmys hips. The headboard was only lightly tapping the wall thanks to the stoppers he’d with quickness got on Amazon and by the grace of god and 24 hour delivery they had came a day after the first time his neighbor came by and slammed on the door, telling you both to ‘shut the fuck up or get a hotel’ 

You could barely register the light tap on the wall and the squeak of the mattress because Carmy would not. shut. up. 

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ. Pussy has me in a vice baby you like this, mm? Feels so good f’you, huh? Yeah I can fuckin tell- god y’sound so pretty”  he rambled on. When he fucked you from behind, he usually got really chatty. You weren’t sure if it was because he got bored since he couldn’t watch you with his big blue owl-like eyes, or if his confidence was just boosted because you weren’t watching him while he spoke so less anxiety - but you loved it.

“Yes- yes- Carmy- shit - oh fuck” you whimper as he hauled you up by your upper arms, wrapping his strong bicep around your neck, messily kissing your sweat-sticky neck and groaning into your skin as your core squeezed around him hard causing a wet schlick-schlick-schlick to fill the room

“Yeah? Yeah baby? Say it again tell me how much you fuckin love it hmm? That you love when I fill this pussy up. You love it when I make sure you can feel me t’morrow huh?” He squeezed your neck with his muscular arm and dear god were you glad he couldn’t see your face because you lost all control, practically shaking as he held you up, his cock so deep inside that his tip was giving your cervix a gentle little kiss with each thrust. 

“I’m fucking cumming” you manage out, holding his arm and squeezing tight, head falling back and body going slack against him. He used his other hand to press right above your mound, the added pleasure causing tears to seep from your eyes down your neck. 

“Look at you pretty girl takin me so well- so fuckin well. Jus’ a little longer huh? Wan’me to fill you up still baby?” He said hotly in your ear, taking your diamond earring he had bought you from Tiffany’s last week that was adorning your lobe and sucking on it gently, nose gently nudging the side of your face. 

“So- so good so good” you echo him, not even thinking with your head anymore. When you opened your eyes your vision was hazy with tears, in your peripheral you could see the edges of blonde curls. 

“Yeah?” He chuckled a bit, going harder as he chased his own high “so fuckin good f’me. That’s why I take care’you so good mm princess?” He loosened up is grip on your throat lightly and held your shoulder, sweetly kissing your cheek. Your mouth dropped in pleasure, practically drooling at how good he was making you feel. 

“Y-yes. Yes. God Carmy- god I fuckin love you” you mewled. You weren’t sure what came over you exactly, but you turned your face, giving his bicep a chaste kiss before biting down. Not hard enough to break skin, but hard enough to bruise. He hissed In pain, before taking his hand from your stomach and cupping your cheek, fucking up into you with a near punishing pace. 

“Jesus - fuck - how the fuck m’I supposed to explain that at work tomorrow? Mm? I tell em my girl can’t keep her mouth shut er’ to ‘erself?” He teased, smacking down on your ass with his palm, hard enough for there to be a pretty red mark in the shape of his hand - and hard enough for you to yelp, releasing the bit of muscle you’d held hostage. 

He took his arm back, pushing you back into the bed, your cheek flush against the mattress. “Lost that fuckin privilege since you can’t keep y’teeth in y’mouth. Wanna act like an animal you’ll get fucked like an animal sweetheart” he spread your cheeks, one of them stinging from his rough assault on it as he continued to pound you, watching as your cunt gushed around him in awe. 

You whimper, back arching more for him and your next orgasm riding the tails of the last. “Close” you said, voice raw and horse and utterly fucked out. 

“Me too, Angel- shit- gonna fuckin fill you up, stuff this pretty pussy with my cum huh?” He essentially laid over you, thrusts that were more like firm rolling of his hips at this point getting sloppier and the feeling of his weight firmly pushing you into the bed was making you dizzy in the best way. You felt his chain brush your back, the feeling was like ice on your damp sweat slicked skin. 

His breathing had become more of a quick, hot pants. His back was starting to hurt, his shoulder killed from bearing both your weights for so long - but he was fully blissed out. He was also frankly quite impressed with himself, in this position he usually couldn’t last even 10 minutes, but you two were teetering on half an hour now. 

This was thanks to his new little trick he had taught himself, whenever he got too close he thought about his boss from NOMA screaming in his face about never amounting to anything, and it backed him right off that ledge. Worked like a charm really. 

“Please - please fill me up bear” you whined out, and with a grunt he buried himself to the hilt, your hips flush with his as he stilled and shot rope after rope of milky white cum inside of you painting your walls with him. He sighed in relief, pulling out and patting your ass gently before plopping down next to you on his back to catch his breath. 

“Fuck y’so amazing baby. I wasn’t too hard, was i? Y’good?” He rubbed your back gently. You were too exhausted for much else, so you just throw him a thumbs up causing him to chuckle. “Alright so water f’you. And Cream f’this poor poor little ass of yours” he rubbed the tender skin carefully and got up, heading to the bathroom first. 

You stretched out, feeling the proof of his love leaking down your thighs as you laid there for a moment before getting up when you heard the toilet flush. You padded to the bathroom and nudge the door open to see him washing his hands. Your eyes found the deep red bruise on his arm, it would probably be purple by the end of tomorrow. 

“I sorry” you said sweetly and gently kiss over the mark. “You’re just so yummy I wanted a bite” you said and he flicked the remaining water off his hands before shutting off the faucet and grabbing the hand towel 

“Mmm thought you didn’t like Italian” he teased, heading out to the kitchen to fill your Stanley cup with fresh ice water. 

“You’re right I don’t like it I love it. Especially when it’s a sexy Italian with a thick cock” you chide as you made a neat little square of toilet paper to wipe with and you heard him laugh to himself 

“She’s back! That’s my mouthy princess, was afraid I lost you back there babe you got all quiet on me” he teased causing you to giggle to yourself as you flush and stood to wash your hands - legs still feeling a bit like jelly beneath you. 

“It’s hard to talk when you’re rearranging my insides” you head back to bed and lay on your belly, crossing your ankles. He came back, bearing gifts of course. He comes over to the bed and drops off the cooling lotion that he kept in the fridge for you and gently nudged you with the cup. You looked over, sitting up slightly and taking a sip. 

“Ooo-“ you said when you realized he was holding a plate 

“Mmhmm. Always you and y’sweet snacks after we fuck, open” he said. You opened your mouth obediently and he placed half of a chocolate strawberry on your tongue after taking a bite out of it, making the perfect mouthful for you. You hummed, resting your cheek on your forearm as you chew and your eyes fluttering shut. 

“Love you pretty” he smooched your forehead, setting the plate on your shared nightstand and started to massage the cold lotion into your skin. “You did really good f’me t’night.” He added and kissed your shoulder blade as he continued to squeeze and kneed tender flesh. 

“So good I can get a present?” You asked sweetly and he chuckled, rubbing over your hips as well that were sore from being spread wide for so long and you groaned a bit, arching into his touch 

“I think I’m spoiling you rotten lately, you got a new phone yesterday and you’re already ready f’another good girl gift, huh?” He went over to your dresser since he was all done rubbing you down and grabbed a pair of your comfiest panties and came back over, carefully slipping them up to your thighs before you lift your hips for him and he pulled them up the rest of the way, placing a gentle kiss on your mound “it’s you  who deserves the present” he said, before going to grab his own boxers so he wasn’t helicoptering it in front of your plate of strawberries. 

You giggled, rolling your eyes.  “I love you, dork.”

[yourgentlegirlfriend]

death island leon headcannons with his s/o??

HI babies, I’ve been trying to like keep up with requests and such and i stg i have had so much writing inspiration that i start writing to many things at once.

Here are some DI!Leon s/o headcanons!!

DISCLAIMER!! this is 18+ ONLY, please do not interact with my blog if you are underaged or don’t have age indicator in your bio!! thank you!!

DI!Leon x GN reader

not spell checked i’m sorry 💔

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- He is DEFINITELY sleepy all the time. Finally getting to see him after work always gets you so excited, rambling on about something you saw at the store today and when you turn the corner, you see him slouched on the couch, his head tilted back and mouth slightly open STILL in his work clothes.

- Before he crashed the bike, he actually really did love it. You’d open the garage to the door to see him inside, focused as all hell on god knows what

“You touch that bike more than you touch me”

you’d joke, hand on your hip as you leaned against the door frame. Leon would just look over at you, rolling his eyes playfully before finally coming back inside with you.

- Likes to act like he isn’t aging, though he is in absolutely perfect shape he often forgets he needs to take medication after his missions or his body will be sore. So when you walk into the room, your hand holding up the small pill bottle with his name on it

“Wasn’t given to you for no reason.”

“I’m fine.”

He would protest, going to sit up trying to hide the groan from the stretching in his lower back.

- He loves you more than anything. He makes that very clear when the two of you go basically anywhere. Anything you laid your eyes on in the store would be yours, anything you touched.

Your fingers rubbing at the petal of a flower, Leon’s eyebrows raising as he reaches over you and shoves the potted plant into the cart. And even when you argue he isn’t here for it at all.

- He’s not a very physically affectionate man, he hates PDA almost 50% of the time but sometimes when the two of you start your way into a crowd his fingers slyly wrap around your waist or grab at your hand.

- VERY overprotective, he’s so afraid of losing you but he would never admit it ever. When he found out about how you and your ex broke up he swore if he ever saw them, they were dead. He doesn’t mean it though, he knows that when he gets frustrated or anything around you, you get worried about him.

- Bed time is always the same every night, you always fall asleep first that’s just how you are. He sneaks in beside you, his nose resting against the back of your head as he pulls you into him, instant relief washing over him when you push yourself back into him.

NSFW WARNING

- Everytime he returns from a mission you know what it means. He comes home so frustrated that not everything works out his way, so he takes out all his frustrations on you.

Soft groans leaving his lips as his strong hands leave red finger print indents in your waist, your breath heavy as he fucks you into the soft mattress.

- He likes to pretend he’s “normal” but you can feel his steady rhythm suddenly stutter when you let out a whimper of his name.

- Aftercare with him is perfect, his fingers playing with your hair as the two of you just stare at the ceiling. It’s perfect till he says something corny like

“So the weather today”

And he thinks it’s so funny, but you just burst out laughing, his arms squeezing you as a smile spreads across his face.

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I hope you guys are doing great, for all of my readers starting a new college semester GOOD LUCK. You’re gonna do great! I love you all :))

For a limited time i’m doing paid requests and will write anything from ocs to different fandoms for any price, my job cut my hours and i’m SO behind on bills. :) click here if interested!!

[velvrei]

caught

pairing : sub!hawk moskowitz x reader

summary : you catch hawk in an interesting position and decide to help him out

warnings : nsfw, sub!hawk, oral (m receiving), masturbation, throat fucking, praise kink, begging

The house was empty. Well that's how it seemed, when you walked inside and kicked your shoes off. You through your coat onto the couch. Hawk hadn't been answering your texts.

Y/N: hey babeeee

10 minutes later...

Y/N: are you okay

Y/N: did i do something?

20 minutes later...

Y/N: pigeon? eli? hello?!?

2 minutes later...

Y/N: i'm coming over i stg if this is some kind of sick joke i will actually kill you

You texted Hawk that last message five minutes ago, that five minutes you spent rushing over to his house just to see that the front door was slightly open. Was he okay? He never intentionally left the door open or unlocked. You pushed the front door shut.

It calmed you a little when you noticed the television playing a random episode of Victorious, and the microwave read end meaning he was here.

"Eli?!"

No answer.

You called again, no answer. But if he was here, why was there no answer? You silently hoped for the best, noticing his bedroom door slightly open at the end of the hallway.

You always tried to give Eli his privacy, but the second you heard a faint moan leave his pretty mouth, you shuttered. That rule instantly became the least of your worries. Your curiosity got the best of you as you peeled through the open slit.

You almost came at the sight of Eli, both AirPods in, one hand wrapped around his dick, pumping, slowly improving his pace just as you did. His head thrown back onto his headboard while his skin glowed with sweat, his cheeks pink. You covered your mouth, holding in your gasp as his lips parted and he let out a low, sexy groan. "Oh, god, Y/N."

His muscles tightened with each stroke, you watched his thighs tremble slightly as your mind started to imagine mischievous scenarios.

You gulped, refraining from distracting him but it just became too hard. Your heat was basically dripping, and to make it worse, his moans were increasing, fast, you could tell he was close. Whenever he was close to releasing he would choke over his own moans, and he would repeat your name over and over, as he was doing just now.

You quickly decided to reveal yourself at the worst time, knowing how much it would effect him.

"Eli!" You yelled loudly, startling your man as he ripped both AirPods out and threw his phone across his bed. He covered himself, embarrassed.

His breathing was heavy as he just stared. Poor boy looked like a deer in headlights. "Y-Y/N! What are you doing here?" He stuttered, struggling to catch his breath.

"I'm sorry, my love, I didn't mean to startle you," You spoke, slowly but sensually walking over to him. "You weren't answering my texts, so I came to check up on you, but clearly, you're more than okay." You chimed with a cheeky grin and a tiny laugh.

He looked down, and you grabbed his chin, so he looked up at you, "I'm not laughing at you, baby, you looked like you were really enjoying yourself and I just want to join in on the fun. But you really worried me when you weren't answering my texts, I thought I did something. Maybe give your girl a warning next time."

He sighed with relief, "I will, I'm sorry, baby." He still looked startled, his eyes widened when you stopped at his bed, wrapped one leg around his waist so you straddled his body. "I could tell you were close though," He gulped, You thighs moved against his, the slight sensation made him throw his head back against the headboard.

"Please, Y/N. Help me out, please. I- I started thinking about you and I couldn't help myself," He grabbed his phone, unlocking it, awkwardly turning his phone to show you. "So I started looking at your Instagram photos, an- and- god, baby, you're just so gorgeous."

He clicked on one of the photos of you in a skimpy bikini, "You look so good in that swimsuit, baby. I hate saying things like this cause I feel like an asshole but your tits look so good, oh my god," He rambled, groaning and throwing his head back once again.

You smiled, your nails lightly grazing along his dick, he trembled, "Holy fuck, please!" His eyes squeezed shut. You decided to save him from torture. You winked up at him before running your tongue along his dick, before taking him fully into your mouth. His mouth dropped open, a loud sultry groan fell out.

"Baby, baby, please." He whimpered when your lips left him and began pressing soft kisses onto his balls. "Please what?" You smiled, stroking him as you pressed a gentle kiss to his tip, your left hand cupping his balls.

He whined, "Suck me, please, baby." His words made you throb, as you wrapped your lips around him. You swirled your tongue a couple times, he let out another moan and you smirked at the sexy sound. He mumbled a bunch of gibberish then repeatedly whispered your name. You remembered how close he was just from his hand, so you knew he wouldn't last long with your mouth.

His hand grabbed the back of your head, and instead of holding your hair back, he thrusted into your mouth, repeatedly. "Yes, baby, take my cock, fuck," He moaned, apparently he was feeling more dominant before he orgasmed, but you weren't complaining. He moaned over and over, his sounds only egging you on as you pumped the part your mouth couldn't take yet.

The sound of your face being fucked turned him on to the max, the sight of your lips around him and your eyes practically begging him to release sent him over the edge. You bobbed your head through his orgasm, his hot ropes of cum shot down your throat. The room was silent beside the sound of Eli's breath above you.

"Thank you, baby, I needed that." He said, his eyelids heavy as he smiled down at you, still catching his breath. "I am very tired, but I promise I will return the favor." He winked, then laid his head on your chest, and fell asleep.

[stardustedseas]

rafayel idea that's been bouncing around my head since this morning, tried to make this as gn as possible but i apologize if it comes off as more afab :'3 and since this is just me throwing ideas into the void, its a little chaotic and all over the place, i started adderall and am just getting back into writing after Years so im a little rusty, just used to yapping to my friends in text. i hope that if anyone reads this they enjoy!

-longish 18+ nsfw under cut-

imagine it's a while after you become his body guard, you have a routine that you're used to and your body can just work on autopilot, and while that's all fine and dandy, very helpful even, it can really fuck you up if your schedule is disrupted... imagine for whatever reason a day that you would normally meet up with him at his place is canceled ahead of time. eventually, you just kinda forget about the change, not looking at your schedule very in depth because you don't think there's anything different.

when you wake up on your own without your alarm, you obvi think you have a little bit longer to sleep but panic when you see its past when you should have been up and getting ready to head to rafs, thank god your bodys internal clock still works! you ofc rush to his place as fast as you can, not even thinking to check your callander or text him yet, and pray that you get there before he starts his theatrics that you forgot about him and hate him and are gonna leave him to die and 800 years has passed and oh look jelly fish are walking around and

when you get there youre a little thrown off at how quiet it is, raf isnt in his studio like normal or in the kitchen hunting for some food, you dont hear the sound of his tub either, is he still sleeping as well? if it werent for the fact you need to make him do something, maybe theres a meeting or a painting that needs finished asap, you would have left him alone and taken the chance to just relax. you love him so much yes but lord can he be a little much, especially in the mornings

after some calling his name and looking around, you come to his bedroom, not even bothering to knock and just fling the door open, getting ready to shout his name again and wake his lazy ass up but are quickly caught off guard at what you find- rafayel, all spread out in his bed, naked as the day he was born and desperately stroking his dick while holding the sweater you forgot there the day earlier to his nose, deeply breathing in your scent

idk about yall but if i saw that instead of him sleeping id probs just evaporate right there

hhdggeggrhrhr i know he would look absolutely ethereal all layed out on his bed like that, surrounded by the soft sheets and blankets, body actually shining like a gem from the early morning sunlight coming through his windows and hitting the slight sheen of sweat on him, a faint flush all over his cheeks and chest, his hair a mess from sleep and moving around, face all contorted in pleasure <3 whew

AND HE WOULD SOUND SO PRETTY i mean have you HEARD the sounds he makes in game... him full on moaning is probs better than angels singing i stg and i just know he would have the prettiest cock i just know it

hhhh his hips bucking up into his hand and his abs tensing, the most beautiful sounds youve ever heard are pouring out of his mouth instead of his normal yapping(i just know he moans and whines) the noise slightly muffled by the fabric over his face... but then he moans your name?? bye im on my knees

LMAO he would make the funniest yelp/scream when he sees you, both of you obviously embarrassed and caught off guard by the situation. hed probs frantically try to cover up, yelling and call you a pervert as if he wasnt just jacking off while huffing your shirt

OR if you are also a degenerate like me and believe raf has a scent kink (we've all seen The Card right) he could be using your panties you forgot there after changing clothes the day before, whimpering and whining at your scent, unable to get enough while his pretty eyes roll back... god i need to see that man all pathetic and debauched

this can go one of two ways imo- either you leave and try to pretend it didnt happen before the tension eventually bubbles over and yall confess your feelings later on, orrrrr you can offer to help him, he did look like he could use a hand after all :(

if you chose to stay and offer yourself to him, he might think youre teasing him and get huffy at first, but quickly calm down and let his favorite bodyguard help <3

gooodddd not to be feral but i need that clown fishes dick in me NOW

i personally don't think he would have had many s/os or one night stands, he did wait for you for 800 years after all, but he probs at least somewhat knows what he's doing. id like to think that means he's also very sensitive tho, even in game our touches make him all flustered, so he may not last long the first couple times you two are together, especially if he was already touching himself beforehand. he just can't help it :( his beautiful bride/groom/partner- his soulmate- is finally back with him and touching him so sweetly, ofc hes gonna cum soon so dont laugh or tease! you probably would too, mx. bodyguard!!!

this is more a general hc but hes a switch for sure, hes a bratty dude, not even in just a sexual way, so hes gonna be a little shit no matter if youre on top or he is (hes a brat bottom and still bratty service top to me okay) ive noticed a lot of ppl seem to like,,,, almost infantalize him? like make him not know anything about sex, never serious? and need babying. like, while yeah hes a silly, dramatic babygirl of a man, he is also very old and has his serious moments when he wants/needs to. i cant not see him being goofy during sex but to him, this is also a very intimate and intense thing, he loves you so so much and he needs you to know that, to show you it

that out of the way, back to the fantasy. could you imagine how he would look at you as you come into his room, slowly taking off your coat and equipment, kneeling on the bed to crawl fowards and stradle his hips... hes t h r o b b i n g

god the first kiss with him would be so <3 the need and love and lust and longing and affection and so many other emotions just all pouring into your lips on his, hed sit up to kiss you better, holding you close, not wanting to let you go now that he finally has you again. you guys know that scene where you smooch and theres a string of saliva between you? yeah <3 i need to feel his dick twitch under me so bad while we kiss, yall

he would absolutely complain that its unfair hes naked but youre still mostly clothed, 'subtly' begging for you to take them off or let him do it. he thinks you're the most breathtaking thing hes ever seen, better than any other person, scenery or art ever made, he could stare at you for hours if you let him.

to me, none of the LaDS boys would care much about looks and beauty standards, not even your gender. i know the ppl who made the game are homophobic and its obviously very woman centered,but these guys would not take gender/sex into consideration when it comes to a partner. it doesn't matter how skinny or fat you are either, how tall or hairy, how many scars or stretch marks or moles you have, you will always be beautiful/handsome to them, your body is attractive and who you are as a person makes you even more appealing

sorry got a little sappy there lmfao where was i

right, after he gets you naked as well, he would want to worship you. yeah, you offered to help HIM but raf is a man of art, he cant just have the masterpiece that is you on his lap and not want to touch and admire. if you want to just pleasure him first, he would argue but eventually let you do whatever, his body is yours just as much as yours is his after all

please, slowly touch all of his body, make him relax back and just,,, touch him. his skin is mostly perfect (lucky bastard) but he does have some light hair and a few moles and scars (like the one on his chest <3) pls kiss them, praise him and tell him how attractive he is. he knows hes a very good looking guy, but ik he is a sucker for praise and would love to hear you say it. tell him how much you care for him, how even if you havnt known him long (that you remember), your heart still belongs to him. he could cum just from hearing it combined with your soft touches

god i wanna kiss all over his body so bad, touch him, feel how soft his skin is and trace his lean muscles, nip at the few pudgier spots on him, and just absolutely worship him like the sea god he is. hes sensitive all over but ik his chest is especially receptive to you. i just KNOW he wouldnt be able to stop himself from whining when you touch his nipples, run your thumbs over them, gently pinch them between your fingers, leave kisses and lave your tongue all over and suck at the tender flesh and he will be moaning and twitching under you in no time, demanding begging for more

i wanna leave hickeys all over his body too, his soft skin would look gorgeous painted with the bruises. he would say something like right now you are the true artist and his body is your canvas,so do whatever you want, make him your masterpiece. i think his fave spots to get hickies would be where he can clearly see them, he would get a little flustered if others could spot them too but he would also like how they all know hes taken. cough healsothinkshelookshotashellwiththemandhesright cough, he loves when you leave them on his neck and chest, put one right over his heart and hes about to swoon stg, i also think he would have sensitive inner thighs so he also enjoys when you put some there.

the first time you touch his cock he about nuts on the spot, white knuckling the sheets. it won't take much for him to finish, but i think he would have a quick refractory period and the urge to go multiple rounds, horny ass, so its okay. i hc him as being longer than he is thick, nothing crazy but def enough to reach all your deepest spots and choke you when hes in your mouth. god i just know he has the prettiest dick, its pale at the base like the rest of his skin but gets pinker near the tip, uncut, a slight curve and has a couple of faint veins that make him gasp when you touch them. the more turned on he is/the closer to cumming, the deeper shade his tip gets, very leaky too imo. i dont think he would have a lot of hair down there, for one the rest of his body doesnt but also hes a merman, underwater creatures dont tend to have a lot of hair, and even if he did he would absolutely keep it well trimmed,not completely shaven but short and neat. yes the carpet matches the drapes

okay sorry i keep getting side tracked i cannot shut up about him

after you have your fill with the rest of his body and reach the main course, pls gently kiss his tip first and he will die happy. since its your first time together, you start off slow and easy, just lightly stroking him while kissing and licking all over his shaft and suck on his tip. hes def already close and his sounds are clear indicators, as well as his hand gently petting your hair. he would tell you what he likes/doesnt like, if he wants you to keep doing something ect but otherwise he just lets you do whatever you want. please dont get mad if he bucks his hips up and accidently chokes you tho, he doesnt mean to but you just feel so good </3

like i said, he probs wont last long, he might try to pull you off, embarrassed hes close already but if you insist it's okay, its actually flattering, he will let you continue and tell you when hes about to cum incase you dont want it in your mouth. if you let him finish in your mouth and swallow, though? lord have mercy he just ascended. i dont think he would taste bad at all, he has a good diet and exercise so its not unpleasant. if you lick any remaining cum off his dick or your lips/hand, he may need cpr tho so be warned

that being said, theres a good chance he will just cum unexpectedly without being able to warn you, especially if you deep throat him, youre so hot and wet around him that he cant help it, he really does love how warm you are. when he orgasms, he def is louder and will chant your name, gripping onto any part of you he can whether its your hair, shoulders or hand, he just needs to be touching you. be careful that he doesnt gag you btw, he sometimes loses control of his body and fucks up into your mouth, he will apologize and make sure youre okay afterwards tho

please hold him while he comes down, pet his hair and praise him, he will be ready for round two soon. speaking of, he will want to make you feel good so bad too, if you dont want to go all the way just yet, he would gladly just give you oral as well. i just know he would be so good with his mouth and fingers, he is an artists and never shuts up after all, plus he learns quick. he will roll you over so hes on top after he catches his breath, necklace brushing your chest as he kisses you again, enjoying the taste of his cum and your unique flavor. if you let him, he will absolutely return the favor ten fold, his lips and hands will touch every centimeter of your body, the sweetest things youve ever heard murmured agaisnt your skin.

it also doesnt matter how big your chest is, he absolutely has his mouth all over it and is groping anything he can. i like to think he would have a slight oral fixation when it comes to sex and could spend hours just sucking your nipples until theyre too sore to continue. he says it helps him relax lmao (he may have a mommy kink but thats for later speculation)

hes gonna love to bite at and knead any and all rolls/curves you have. he just loves how soft and squishy you feel under him (you become his own personal stress toy later on btw you are now a stress ball) hes addicted to touching you already. if you are insecure about anything, he will absolutely shower it in even more love, waxing poetically about how beautiful you are so dont say stupid things about yourself

if you dont have much body fat and are more muscly/boney, he will love to trace them just the same, being able to feel so much of your body, even the parts inside of you, makes him feel some kind of way.

god help you both when he reaches your groin, he will become addicted to your taste and smell so fast. he will probs start off trying to tease you by just kissing around where you need him most, sucking little hickies here and there and lightly brushing your sex but he is also impatient and quickly moves on from that lmao once he gets his mouth on you its all over, i feel like he would be the type to hump the bed and moan as if hes getting the pleasure while giving you oral too, your sounds, taste, smell, touch, all combine to turn him on again. please tug his hair lightly, i dont think he likes a lot of pain but if you grip a little he will happen to moan louder against you. also PLEASE use him for your pleasure, press him closer and grind into his face all you want, he can take it, cover his face in your wetness or fuck his mouth, he is in heaven rn

his tongue and fingers should be illegal ngl they are dangerous weapons, he will have you cumming in no time at all. even if you didnt give him oral he would still want to do it to you, he loves seeing you feel good so much, he will probs need to paint after you make love because he feels so inspired.

he will absolutely turn from teasing to begging, pleading you to cum in his mouth, he needs to taste it so bad. if you have amab anatomy he wouldnt want you finishing on his face, only in his mouth simply because he feels like it would be a waste and be better off in his belly <3 he also just doesnt like the mess, butttt he can be persuaded, if you really want to or you say something like you wanna paint his face with streaks of white like the prettiest picture he will fold in two seconds flat.

if youre afab he will love it if you squirt, if you cant or just dont this first time he wont be upset, but if you do? he is trying to catch as much in his mouth as he can and milks you for all youve got, you will have to pull his fingers away and make him stop before he accidentally overstimulates you lmao

fuck he would look so hot after too, his face all covered in your cum and his spit, eyes hazey from arousal and love, panting slightly and his hair all over the place from where your hands were in it. pls help him clean up, if you wipe his face and push his hair back from his eyes he will melt, leaning into your touch and kissing your hand, ironically, hes like a big cat, especially after sex.

if you want to go all the way and do penetrative sex he will be so down and already has the lube and condoms ready, but if you arent ready or are okay with just that one round he is happy too, content with just snuggling you in bed. dont expect to leave anytime soon tho, he is a leech and WONT let you go, convincing him to let you use the bathroom is an actual battle. he is the clingiest, cuddliest mf ever, it doesnt matter what position youre in, as long as hes close to you hes happy. i do think he would like being the little spoon more tho, he loves being big spoon because you feel nice in his arms and he feels like hes protecting you but he just loves being held a tiny bit more. its like you are the one protecting him and dont want to leave him, its comforting

if you do want to continue tho... dont have any plans for the rest of the day, period. between making love and cuddling after, youre not going anywhere.

like i said, hes a switch for sure, so hes good with whatever you wanna do. wanna ride him? perfect. want him to fuck you? also perfect. want him to ride you? yee haw baby. want to fuck him under you? hes ready. be warned tho, if you do the penetrating or ride him, he will be whiner and more bratty, making more demands and back talk 🙄 someone please fuck this man stupid he needs to be humbled yall /aff

if he does the penetrating/is on top, he will be more gentle and a little more serious, wanting to make sure you feel the best you can. he wont stop being silly ofc but he wont be as much of a shit head, especially if its your first time with anyone, not just him. he would prefer missionary this way too(or mormal cowgirl if hes riding you) so he can hold you close and see your face, he loves watching how you react to anything he does. he also has a big thing for eye contact, he wants to press his forhead against yours and gaze into your eyes, it feels so intimate and wholesome despite what youre doing.

he will absolutely get upset if you try holding back your sounds, bro is about to throw a temper tantrum stg /lh, he thinks you sound amazing and he likes knowing you enjoy what hes doing. if youre just naturally quiet he will understand but be a bit bummed, pls talk to him and tell him how good hes making you feel and what hes doing right :) he will perk back up quick. i think he would probs press his nose unto your neck and hair a lot ngl, your scent is so lovely and being so close to you makes his heart vibrate lmao also pls hold his hand during

he would love to be the one to stimulate your clit/dick to help you cum but if you prefer to do it yourself thats okay too, he might be a little whiney but still happily touch other parts of your body instead, just wanting to make you feel good

again, i dont think he would last overly long but he would make sure you get off too, even if it means he gives you oral again or just pushes through his sensitivity, you Will cum. if you take longer to finish, its okay, he wont be upset or leave you hanging, absolutely determined you orgasm. lmfao he gets more locked in to make you cum than when he paints.

when he gets close, hes gonna cling to you again, holding you as tightly against him as possible and his thrusts will become shallower, more humping you than full on strokes yk. fyi when he does finish, hes gonna imagine he doesnt have the condom on and that hes filling you up, i know in my heart that he has a thing for creampies (maybe even breeding later on but thats not for rn), seeing your combined cum drip from your still twitching hole makes him want to go again. its the same if youre penetrating him, he wants to feel your hot spend inside of him. when you do follow suit and cant help but moan his name, hes gonna get the most love sick look on his face and probs groan too

after you both finish and relax into eachothers arms, hes gonna ask if this was serious for you, if you meant what you said about Liking him, if this means you two will start exclusively dating now... he wants to make sure youre on the same page, to him, this wasnt just helping eachother get off, it was making love and showing eachother how you feel, he really hopes that its the same for you...when you say yes, he tries not to show it but hes about to start giggling and kicking his feet lmao he pulls you somehow tighter to him, almost wanting to crawl into your skin so you can never leave him again, kissing your breath away

p.s. pls bully him about huffing your clothes earlier, especially if its your underwear lmfao do not let him live this down, call him your pervy dog

all in all i need to fuck rafayel, specifically after i walk in on him jerkin off, and then cuddle him

[sarahnotjmaas]

Here it is, my chaotic note taking as I experienced Queen of Shadows 4.5/5⭐️

I do not trust Arobynn. Why does this woman keep working with this man.

Who is with Chaol?? SHE!?!?

I heard the fandom is full of Chaol haters and tbh I don’t get it. I’m only on the 5th book but not seeing it yet

Chaol is kinda dumb haha and super sensitive and 5 books in has yet to prove he can fight like at all. He killed Cain but it was a single strike and that was like his first kill. Ever.

SJM wouldn’t write another tragic love story right!? Cuz Chaol is in need of character building and Nesryn and him are already giving me Dorian and Sorscha vibes.

Listen in SJM books endgame relationships are slow burbs. They have chemistry to quickly

HE PAWNED THE RING???

Kaltain has a collar too!!

Dorian battling for his life with that demon 😭

Aelin, we’re officially calling her Aelin now, is wasting her time with Arobynn she is capable without he’s gonna double cross her I know it

Her showing up to the shadow markets was dope!

When is Manon gonna for something cool. She has an awesome dragon puppy Abraxos and she’s doing nothing. Low key I love Asterin and she clearly has her back so demoting her was a bitch move

This book has more action, I like it

Sneaking into the party as a dancer, nice.

The smoke, very Harry Potter! I could see this scene so vividly in my head

Chaol is being a jerk a little bit. He acts like the whole rebellion isn’t for Aelin. When you start holding your own then you can talk, Mr. I’ve only ever killed one person, otherwise stop bossing Aelin around……

Oh shit Elide is a witch. So she’s in with the witches meaning when she links back up with her childhood homies Aedion and Aelin they will be a steaming pile of shit in the kings bed! Hell yea

When does Rowan come back 😭oh okay

27 chapters lol

I read pine and snow and my heart fluttered

No she made a bath for him with all her fancy soaps!!! BECAUSE SHE YELLED AT SAM FOR USING THEM!!!!!!

Gavriel is Aedion’s father!?!???

Oh no poor Aedion, the blood oath was sworn to him but also…. Why can’t she have both she’s the queen she can make her own rules

THE NIGHTGOWN!!!!! She better get a fucking good night gown i stg!!

My boy Chaol is BITTER! Damn he fucked up in the second book and is gonna be bitter the rest of the series. He’s giving big soft boy energy. #NiceGuysFinishLast lol but I low key still want the best for him. He’s loyal to Dorian at the end of the day. Period. However if he’s trying to free Dorian doesn’t he think giving him full access to his powers might help him beat that demon in his body… just saying

Rowan’s and Aelin are literally dating

Going to Sam’s grave. Having Rowan go with her😭 I’m welling up it’s too much. I fucking hate Arobynn and it better be the sweetest death cuz I hate him so much

So I’m definitely not a fan of the witch maternity prison ward that’s happening. Everything about that is uncomfy and I need it to end immediately. Asterin seems to be the only sane one.

Rowan wearing the almost oil, power move!

No, not the room where she saw Sam’s mangled body😭HE PUT THE RING ON HER FINGER!!! Is she faking it??I knew it lol wait but why did he say don’t touch me like that 😭well good for Lysandra I guess

This book is an emotional rollercoaster

There is something SO sus about her Manons grandma. She bowed to the king!?!?!? What’s in the trailer?? What did Manon see??????

Hold up!!! The King is just another victim!?!? No fucking way!!!! That’s a twist I didn’t expect

ALL THOSE CENTURIES, I WAS JUST LOOKING FOR YOU fuck me up Rowan 😭

Slamming the door on Aedion’s face was a little rude but his timing is awful. Wait Lysandra and Aedion???? Love that, that’s fierce pair

Still not a Chaol hater and the trio of friendship between Aelin, Dorian and Chaol is so sweet. Is Chaol ever gonna find a woman he lives as much as Dorian lol CHAOL IS PARALYZED!?!? He broke his promise to Nesry cuz he can’t walk! I’m screaming “Let’s have an adventure,Nesryn Faliq” okay cute but am I alone in thinking Chaol needs someone meeker?? Like someone softer because I think nesryn is too much woman for him…….kinda (don’t come for me)

I never know what part of an SJM book will make me cry but making Lysandra a lady and having Evangeline be her heir got me actually tearing up!

Manon and Dorian. MANON AND DORIAN!!!!!!

Crying again cuz Rowan smells like Terrasen!

[tin-wufborf]

Teen Wolf Rewatch: Season 1, Episode 1—“Wolf Moon”

All right, party people, please prepare yourself for my morally grey and overly cynical rewatch of a show I both love and hate more than anything. Also, I’m a rambler and a ranter, so this is gonna be long, no doubt.

Also, fair warning, I am not a fan of Scott McCall, so if you’re a proud card-holding member of the Scott McCall Defense Squad (dumb name btw), I recommend that you keep on scrolling because you do not want to engage in discourse with me. I am a petty little bitch and absolutely will argue with you for the sake of arguing. Ya’ll get hilariously upset about people’s dislike of him, and it gives me great joy to see the absolutely pathetic length’s you’ll go to in order to protect this piece of shit ass character.

I know he can’t help it, but I could not stop staring at DOB’s stress herpes that appears intermittently throughout this episode. Like, you can almost track what order scenes were filmed in based on the size of the middle of his top lip. Poor baby was absolutely pressed on his first real acting gig, and his body was absolutely responding to it.

As someone who is from Northern California and has spent time in our wooded areas and forests, it is laughable to me how much these Georgia woods could not be mistaken for California forests in a police lineup. Like, I know they had to make do with what they had, but holy fuck, the foliage in these two states aren’t even fucking close, my dude.

I always love that Scott has a guitar in his room throughout the entirety of the show, but we never once find out whether or not this fool can actually play. Like, it’s literal set dressing, and it’s even more hilarious when you consider that Tyler Posey actually can and does play the guitar. They could have given Scott a cool little skill if they wanted, but they were like “eh, he does lacrosse, that’s enough character traits for Scott”.

Maybe Scott had a fucking asthma attack while looking for the body because he wouldn’t just shut the fuck up and stop complaining about the thing he wasn’t forced to do. Jesus christ, Scott, shut the fuck up. We get it. You don’t wanna be here. But then, like, why did you go?

I also love that they wanted us to believe that Scott was that severely asthmatic at the beginning, but they start the show by showing him putting on a pretty impressive pull-up show and having a pretty nice body before being bitten, like ???

I love the Sheriff shining a flashlight through the sparse trees in the woods like you can’t see everything out there. You could run blindfolded through these trees and not hit a single fucking thing because everything is so damn far apart.

On a related note to the point above, where the fuck did these deer just appear from?? They literally just come from some sort of liminal space that exists behind the trees. Is there a platform nine and three-quarters situation happening in the trees of Beacon Hills?

All of the dead bodies and crime scenes in this show are so clean, my god.

I would have beat the fucking freckles off of Jackson Whittemore for how he treats people, stg. Little fucking punk-ass rich could. Ugh.

I kind of vaguely recall that the reason BHHS is all about lacrosse is that Jeff Davis was trying way too hard to be different, but like…what fucking Northern California public high school is this meant to represent? I’m not saying that it doesn’t or can’t possibly exist, but I would say that the overwhelmingly popular sports in our area are still your basic ass football, baseball, and basketball. In these parts, that’s a rich kid sport. Some public schools have lacrosse teams, but they tend to be even less popular than soccer teams out this way.

So, I love Lydia (or, more so, I love what fans have postulated about her and built her up to be in fandom because she actually kinda sucks as a character with real dimension in the show), but like…she is the worst version of a popular hot chick ever. Lydia Martin is a straight-up bitch in the first season of this show. Like…what a shallow little cunty bitch.

Will continue in a reblog because apparently this has gone on too long and Tumblr likes to tell me what to do.

[superfluouskeys]

need to rant about 6.2 a bit lol sorry not sorry

I’m just like………..soooooo bored by the main plot unfortunately LOL.  And I don’t like Vrtra/Varshahn at all like I find his character extremely weird and annoying at all times.  I think mainly the whole child oc/little brother thing freaks me out LOL like wtf is that he is thousands of years old stop that.  But I was also very bored by his whole plotline in Endwalker and thought it was one of the weaker parts overall, so it might just not be to my taste.  I think it’s a pretty random reason to get them to the Thirteenth also lol but whatever it could work, ff14 isn’t good bc the plots are original it’s good bc of the execution of those concepts so I guess I’ll try to reserve judgment.

Y’shtola’s line delivery drives me insane, I feel this way about every character that va plays, idk what it is.  It’s so forced and unnatural to me and it ruins entire moments sometimes.  I also don’t think they know what to do with the character, like she has all the pieces of an interesting character and they just never DO anything.  Let something mildly interesting happen to Y’shtola for ONCE I stg.

I really like Zero, she has the makings of a very interesting character who is sort of outside the bounds of what they usually do esp with female characters.  BUT I think the way they dealt with residual questions about Zenos’s fate/motives was very ham-fisted and bad.  Ik a lot of people think Zenos is boring but I am not one of those ppl lol—I do like Zero and I’m not saying like Zenos should have been in her place in the story, but I think it just really reminded me how much potential Zenos had and how many really interesting and meaningful moments we could have had w his character even if he still didn’t survive Endwalker.  (I’ve heard rumors that EDW was supposed to be two expansions, which seems extremely likely with how rushed and messy a lot of it felt).

Also like look. Listen.  I try to be mindful of my personal biases but oh my GOD.  WHY wasn’t G’raha in this patch lol.  We went to the THIRTEENTH.  They played the got damn CRYSTAL TOWER RAID MUSIC MULTIPLE TIMES. Cid and Nero showed up and specifically said well haha I was at the Crystal Tower I had to see what this was all about!!!!!  also with the parallels to the situation in the first?????????  Where is the cat!!!!!!!!!  It was like almost comical that he wasn’t there or mentioned at all.  Ig he’s busy or wtf ever but who cares!!!!!  That cat man came here to have adventures not do paperwork!!!!!!!!!!!

This goes to disliking Varshahn but it’s also relevant here LOL because number ONE what the FUCK was that whole here is an adult body thing LOLLLLLLLLLLLL like WHAT that was so weird, but then it turns out that’s what??? just for battle???? and then he slips back into his child skin when he gets home????????  it’s so weird I hate it lol.  But also SCREAMING at how they had to make him a viable tank and force Y’shtola to pick up healing again (it says sorceress or w/e but she still has the conjurer icon LOL, choosing to believe she never equipped her job stone and does not intend to start now)—and I am just SAYING I know of a CAT MAN who is already an all rounder so you know we could have just asked him!!!!!!!!!

There were parts of the patch I really enjoyed—I liked the Thirteenth lore a lot, I LOVED barbariccia as evidenced by briefly going insane on here lol, I’m really hopeful that Zero will continue to have good content, and of course FFXIV music absolutely never fails to SEND ME into a higher plane of existence.

But overall I did find it really frustrating and a lot of it was not especially fun LOL.  I was considering waiting until 6.3 was out bc I kind of suspected I would feel this way and wanted a little more game to play BUT idk when 6.3 will be out and I might be back in school already by then so I decided to just give in.

Anyway, just needed to rant, as you were.

[sincelastsession]

I Love my partner but sometimes I'm like..."Why are men?" I'm sure they get frustrated with women too but jfc.

I only let people I'm comfortable drive.

My biggest fear is that what if I've picked the wrong driver when I'm falling asleep at the wheel? What if we wreck? What if we arrive safely.

It's hard to trust your lover. It's hard to be vulnerable.

He finds it hard to be vulnerable with me.

It breaks my fucking heart.

Because I don't get brave and share me at my most vulnerable with anyone.

I never feel like I have enough time to say what I want to say. I feel like time is coming for me.

He puts me in sub space. He put me there the other day and I was so stressed it took a while. But it's the biggest relief. It's a medicine I can't compare to anything. He helps. I feel safe and guarded and floating and held though he's very far away. I had no sub drop.

Today I'm having a drop and it's 3am where he is and I've managed them on my own but it SUCKS.

I have this constant fear that he will do something horrible to me but he's never done such things.

He has pissed me the fuck off more times than I can mention I stg how can he fuss about how he doesn't feel seen as a man a big man but I think the problem is he sees himself one but needs the approval of others which is just silly to me because I don't think he believes what he wants to hear from others.

He tells me things I think are pretty vulnerable but people are layered like onions and make you cry. I don't understand but I do. It's a curse. It's why I'm so fucking nice. Because I mask I mirror I see through the bullshit and it's so easy at this point to see a pov if I've got enough information.

But this isn't all about him. This is about all the hurt little boys and their fucking feelings, thier fee fees that get hurt so easily because patriarchy is a poisonous snake biting it's own tail that will not die and give balance to this godforsaken planet.

Maybe I'm a "cunt a bitch a man hater"

"Not all men" they say as the point flies over their heads.

I feel my feelings the best way I can. If I let them all out I feel that I'll be too much. Too much woman. Too much talking. Too much red nails and lipstick. Too much kicking and screaming. Off to the asylum where they'll tool around with what's left of me.

I simply wish I did not care. I want to be the wild animal that I am. I want someone to come along and tame me but not to put up for adoption later.

Why am I perfectly fine with things sometimes and other times I want to retch.

It's hard being in love. People who say it's easy are liars. It's easy to love yes, it's not easy to love though too. I don't know how to articulate that into a normal nor metaphorical explanation because love us the hardest thing to describe. If it had a truly fixed definition and there weren't a zillion forms of it then we'd have no art no literature no romanticism. Can you imagine?

But my body. My body is a cage. It is a flesh prison that remembers the score it holds everything and won't let go. And why won't it let go? Because there'd be nothing left. There was never ME MINE MY BODY. I FUCKING NEVER GOT CONTROL AND NOW I STIFLE SCREAMS AT NIGHT WISHING I COULD HUNT DOWN EVERY LAST MOTHERFUCKER WHO EVER HURT ME AND EAT THEM ALIVE DESTROY THEM LIKE THEY DESTROYED ME THEN MAYBE I COULD HAVE A SINGULAR MOMENT OF PEACE. MAYBE I COULD WALK ALONE AT NIGHT. MAYBE I COULD RELAX. God I hate it when people tell me to relax and breathe. It's so fucking hilarious and idiotic. How the fuck does a woman relax? Who are these lucky people who have never known a bad touch?

My body has never been my own. It's literally just a container and I'm so tired of being trapped in it. It was never mine. As soon as I gained sentience they gave me a name and a number and dressed me up like a doll. My mother loved dolls and dogs and sad pathetic shitty men and still does. She was abused and it shows and I can see her breaking and I have seen it going on for a long time. I can see that she's just a sexually assaulted kid filling her home with boxes of things she'll get to and guards and food so much food because she's diabetic and the world might end meanwhile she's letting an alcoholic con man literal cobbler wreck her relationship with me and my sister. She falls in love with words with friends scammers. She's lost money. Do you know how many times I've had to reverse image search and try to show her that the scammer isn't real? Do you know how much she still doesn't believe it's a person of color (which she's not fond of but won't admit)? "I'm coming to see you" "I'll save you" "we can build a big house and you can even put a house for Kim on the property"

Why do I get so many scam calls when I didn't before?

I get 20 a day. Thanks mom. And when she promised to go to therapy to give 30mins of her time or an hour to work on herself she only went twice and her therapist she obviously lied to and she lied to me and told me that the therapist didn't need to see her and everyone else must ne the problem. Now she says she'll go but it's a lie. She will never accept that these people aren't in love with her.

I know no one is in love with me. I know they care but they aren't in love.

She said it herself. No one wants to marry you. No one wants someone like you. No one wants a disabled woman.

And then this was confirmed. I have too many medical issues. How could he possibly learn all about each one in case of emergency? How could he stand me if it was more than some easy things?

Why the fuck do I need to be fixed? Why can't I be left alone? They gotta break me then put me back together. They gotta tell me all my faults and tell me it's my fault their fucking feelings are hurt when I have had ENOUGH. They don't see me as a whole They see me as broken. I WAS BORN BROKEN. I'm fucking Lillith. I'm the snake. I wasn't a good enough Eve.

Fuck them.

They do not water me but I will water a plant and shake it a bit to stimulate it's silly little natural environment while I go speak to my therapist about the GOD FUCKING AWFUL THINGS. Maybe one day I'll name them all.

I hate living with shame and regret. Fuck the Catholic church too. The epicenter of organized crime. In churches and wherever it can reach. Why did I have to tell my fucked up sins to men in fancy robes that cost enough to feed a family? Why did I have to repent?

"No virgin me for I have sinned I sold my soul for sex and gin go call a priest all meek and mild and tell him Mary's no longer child"

Whatever happened to Mary? What happened to the divine feminine that has been documented and erased?

I can't fucking stand when men complain when they face a challenge women do every day. Go fucking cry and jack off or something.

When they WHINE FOR SEX WHEN THEY PUSH TO GET WHAT IS NOT THEIRS. WHEN THEY THINK THEY OWN YOU.

My Dom only owns me when I say he can. I know how it works. I use my safeword. He respects it. He is so good with me at times. I don't like that he told me he was sad because he couldn't marry her. He proposed to me on my birthday one year. He didn't remember it the next day. He apologized. I can't hate him right now. I understand it. I know I'm not his primary. He told me so. He told me things would be different if I wanted to be. He told me he wished I'd find a primary to care for me here. He doesn't seem to have intentions to hurt me but he did I know he said it because he cares. I argued with him. He was angry I tried to date Justin who seemed to have problems with EVERYTHING I did and tried to make himself innocent. But Justin is a monogamous man who said he could handle me having a long distance partner. He said he wanted kitchen table. He demanded that I send a picture to my partner of him while I was taking pictures of animals at the zoo for myself, him, and Matt and fucking typing out what the ones I didn't know were. He fucking stood over me to try and read my messages at the goddamn zoo and also when I took a video of a band at a metal show. He asked if all 3 of us were on a date at the zoo. It took me a bit to see it all. Matt noticed it. He kept quiet for a bit I suppose to see if I was going to see it. Then he fussed at me for putting him in danger and all his loved ones etc because my life is filled with psychos he said and that was dangerous. "You protect me and I'll protect you and we don't need to say more about it" he told me he wasn't "Philly poly" what the fuck does that mean I thought about it. His ex, my friend is in Philly. She's got several partners and goes to orgies and does whatever she wants with all sorts of people. I know he hid going to a party she threw in October on my fucking birthday which he forgot because birthdays aren't important in his brain at this age I guess unless it's a party. He made an Instagram account that I'm blocked from seeing but she showed me the name. She convinced him to follow her nudes account. She's been telling me randomly that she misses him and misses his big dick and if I'm not a size queen then I won't enjoy it. What a cunt.

The fucked part is I understand ALLLLLL of this. I can put myself in thier places. I can see their baggage and bullshit. I can imagine how it all feels. The thing is if they'd just told me I wouldn't be bothered.

I rarely get jealous.

I am jealous that he wants to marry her (his primary). She's already married. I'm not though. I'd like to be married and have him as a nesting partner and live a peaceful life.

I have this painting that my grandmother painted and we both like it. It's a little town with a stream and a bridge. Ask me I'll show you. After my D/s session with him I was in sub space and asked him to meet me there in my sleep as he did aftercare and said he'd be on the bridge.

I have secrets I can never tell him. He's private as hell. He doesn't trust easy. I have fucked up and she knows. It would wreck everything. I hope she forgets. I hope she has so many partners and is so busy she has no time to think about him or me.

I have no desire to break things off with him. I'm nowhere near hitting a wall. We've spent time apart before but come back together like magnets.

I understand how weird and fucked it seems to others. I think I've looked at this from every angle. I don't care if people tell me it's unhealthy.

They don't get that I'm just as messed up if not worse.

But back to the real subject that I'm oscillating on.

I don't feel like my needs ever mattered in general to begin with. Since birth.

My voice didn't matter each time I was graped or assaulted. They just gave excuses.

It scares me that part of me is both a monster that's half my mother's dumbfuckassery and part my father's rage.

I don't know what to do.

I just want to go on a walk at night by myself.

I'd rather a bear walk up to me than a man.

I'd rather a bear attack me.

They'd believe that.

Fuck em. I'm so tired.

[calclaws]

more breaking down dont recommend reading lol

it really drives me crazy how often people mention therapy when it was a therapist who undid all the work id done for years and sent me spiraling. And im so angry because I cant help but wonder where id have been if she just treated me better or had even a glimmer of human sympathy. I told her all this vulnerable stuff about me and she just bullied and belittled me. The only good thing she did was say "of course that would be traumatic" when I told her about my medical trauma because I was always very ashamed of it and felt crazy and my parents told me i was crazy and they were mad that I reacted so badly i got them in trouble. but then that therapist retraumatized me by repeating what the act was over and over while i just froze. but that's not why i hate her. she said lots of fucked up shit to me. i cant remember which one sent me over the edge because i felt like i ejected from my body and i just did a bunch of things to escape but i was on autopilot. i feel like i just left my body idk it was bizarre. But I do remember she tried to argue with me about whether i was bi because i hadnt had sex (when a lot of what id talked to her about was how terrified i was of being disowned for being queer) and i said something corny about believing in soulmates and she LAUGHED at me and said you cant be serious and then went into this whole thing about how her ex was a narcissist. And she also rolled her eyes at me when i said we couldnt afford therapy more than every other week. I was a student and my parents were paying $100 a session for her!!!!

Anyway im trying therapy again bc i feel at this point i have nothing to lose. but i spent 2 hours writing intake forms and i feel so degraded and i stg they better only show this to the therapist if they are asking all this personal shit. i dont even know this woman and she knows all this. Im really scared bc i feel like if she belittles my trauma im gonna hurt myself. but i really liked her profile so im hoping. but im so scared im gonna say something that will get me locked up and then i will just be retraumatized and lose my job and health insurance. they threaten to report you if you talk about hurting yourself which is so frustrating because i pay you all this money and im not allowed to talk about feelings ive had since i was 10 years old. although i dont think i had depression then i jsut wanted to kill myself bc i was bullied so much and i was a sensitive little bitch. but anyway im actually kind of hopeful haha. against my better judgment i hope it works out but those intake forms triggered me so bad. and i keep feeling like no one loves or cares about me even though thats stupid like your bestie and your partner keep checking in on you you dumbass. but my brain is just so sick and part of me knows im acting insane.

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Friday, January 26th, 2024!

12:38am busted a nut and it felt great, awesome way to start the day lol. Also so glad I deleted the emails, I don't even remember what they said and soon they will be totally forgotten :) I already feel more at peace.

10:26am still feeling better, haven't heard from him day #2 (new record!) I want to get away from him he's toxic and doesn't know it/ believe me/ won't do anything about it. Just worry about me lol.

10:47am there's nothing wrong with doing things with your own company btw. Just be safe and you're literally fine ❤️

10:58am FUCK I jinxed myself what the hell 😂 retarded ass I told him I miss him (as a friend) and he said thanks that makes me feel better.... 😑 Glad you feel better bro (no shit I never did anything to you too make your feel bad RIP) literally what? I can't.

4:02pm had some lunch earlier and took a 3? Hr nap very needed, sleep is important!! And I only had like 4-5hrs last night so this makes sense!! I am a girl who needs lots of sleep especially when I am wanting to achieve my best mental health!! Do not feel guilty that you slept in the middle of the day you needed rest!! I love you ❤️

5:18pm laundry in the wash, trash taken out and I'm going to pick up BC RX. I love summer and warm weather but I have to be ok with sweating lol!

Pros >>> cons :) of going outside

11:15pm oops got drunk and watched too many relationship videos = bad. My heart hurts. I want him to feel pain. I fucking hate him and I want him to know (mmmmm maybe this is what I'm manifesting/ loa??) Fuck him fuck him fuck him I hope he gets fucking cheated on ong stupid prick narcissist. Fuck you you're no longer in my life fuck you and your small dick frfr.

I am a beautiful person, with a heart and soul that would NEVER do that shit to someone and that's why I know I'm fucking better. Someone with empathy, with half a brain, would not do that to another human being especially one they've known for years. I know I'm better, kinder, more loving, more respectful, more empathetic, more genuine and real AF, smarter with more emotional intelligence, more confident in myself not to need some half-ass bitch in my life, I'm going to get farther in life than he can even dream of, I get bitches on days I don't even shower bro, I have bitches hitting me up fucking constantly since you left and literally all their dicks have literally been bigger and fatter than yours and they've all been nicer more straight forward at least tbh 😂 bitch you are the bottom of the barrel and I'm the cream of the crop you could not pull me now with your little bitch ass bro wtf so fucking unconfident and with so much mental baggage and mommy and daddy issues the only flex you have is your physical body that's literally so sad and I will fucking stand on this shit, if you only pride yourself on physical appearance and ability but have nothing psychological or emotional or financial or support to provide,,, you're literally a walking dildo I'm sorry but literally please fix your fucking mental before you come at me!!!! I said what I said and I have felt this way for a while, kinda like a woman just being a fleshlight with no emotional or intellectual contribution to the relationship JFC I CAN'T it does go both ways for men and women.

Y'all are so immature and I am above you both I said what I said my confidence scares both of you coward bitches and I will get so much farther in life than the both of you combined x2 I stg because I know my mf worth and I know what and who will not take up my mf time and space. Y'all are so peabrained and act like fucking high schoolers, there's really no point in talking to y'all either bc of the stereo effect with y'all just tell each other what the other wants to hear, enabling the never ending shitty ass behavior with your insane mentally and morally wrong ways of justifying your actions. Nonsensical which is WHY it's so confusing to people who follow LOGICAL thinking..... That cognitive dissonance is the star of the shit show.

Fuck you and good riddance, can't wait for my birthday to know true fucking peace of mind. ❤️

[haunted-homes]

Not my usual content this The \/\/alking D3ad related <3

I just love Trans Man R1ck Gr1mes like.... i was talking about him earlier and i think it honestly fits his character so well like you could very very feasibly have an AU where there is NO change except R1ck is Trans. Like no one can tell me L0r1 wouldn't except him, she's very much the type to accept Trans people but still enforce Gender Roles on them 😭😭

And Sh4ne is blatantly Misogynistic, him being subtly transphobic in the way that like, your uncle or cousins would be is so real. Like yeah it sucks but its so unserious and unimportant that it's really easy to brush off and ignore.

Trans R1ck is fully binary but like he obviously doesn't care if you're not. The cis people around him don't understand it but it's all the same to him. He recognizes that he's just a Binary Man regardless of what his body looks like and he doesn't care about what anyone else does as long as it doesn't hurt anyone!

He'd have full phalo, that can be pumped to erection, and top surgery obviously.

He'd have Top Surgery BEFORE meeting L0r1 but only Phalo right before C4rl is born. C4rl is via Sperm Donor obviously, and in some versions it could be Sh4ne but absolutely fucking not i hate that 😭

Lor1 would go balls to the wall anyone who questioned her identity as a CisHet Woman but like, she can't EVEN that woman knows how to chew carpet better than Termites

Sh4ne is just. Ugh hes a whole story.

R1ck is the kinda guy to be upfront on their first date too but L0r1 is just like 'well... I did mess around in College...' "sounds fine to me ^-^ im still straight though" like obviously

They are canonically Highschool Sweethearts so this AU would change that i suppose but you could work into it not being the case BUT. I need you to consider Jock Stud Sh4ne and his awkward dyke best friend /pos

I go crazy for this i stg

(i posted this here because this community feels safer to me than anywhere else and i fear T\/\/D community would rip me a new one for this besties <3 - 🔪)

[somelazyassartist]

.

[honeybadgerwritings]

Being Brave is Hard

Pairing: Eddie Munson x fem!Reader

Requested: “can i request eddie munson comforting his s/o cause they are about to have surgery and have a phobia of hospitals and medical stuff.”

Warnings: Slightly graphic descriptions of panic attacks, vomit, pain, gore, medical procedures, and anesthetic sedation (needles).

A/N: HOLY SHIT GUYS this fic was supposed to be finished a little over a week ago, and I’m so sorry about the wait. I had to get emergency surgery to get my appendix removed, which is incredibly funny to me because of the contents of this fic. I stg I didn’t plan this, I either just cursed myself or predicted the future. Either way, it’s done and I’m still healing! Everyone enjoy!

Summary: Emergency surgery mixed with a girlfriend who has an intense fear of hospitals? Eddie is going to need all the help he can get.

~~~~~~~

All you had wanted was a nice, calm, and relaxing morning where you could wake up on your own, and feel perfectly well rested. Where you could snuggle into Eddie’s arms for another ten minutes while he rubbed your back and stroked your hair, whispering sweet nothings into your ear.

Maybe he’d hold you especially close because of how cold it is outside, and he’d want to keep you warm. Maybe he’d take pity on your tired self and let you sleep through first period of school, and the two of you could show up late. But luck was not on your side this morning.

Not at all.

“Baby c’monnn... you have to get up.”

You groan into your pillow in response as Eddie gently shakes your shoulder, lips resting against the shell of your ear. He had first woke you when he abruptly jumped out of bed, scaring the shit out of you. After that, he had maybe given you two minutes of peace while he got dressed before trying to get you out of bed. You were never really a morning person and he knew that, but this time something feels off.... you feel off.

Actually you feel like shit.

And the fact that he’s trying to peel you out of bed for school definitely isn’t helping. It doesn’t even make sense, Eddie hates school. So why the hell is he trying to drag your ass out of bed in such a hurry? You have no idea, and right now you don’t care. Your body feels like it weighs twice as much, your head is pounding, and your abdomen feels like it’s on fire.

“Eddie...” you whimper, trying to get him to take the hint. He only cooes at you, thinking you’re just exhausted, and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. You relish in the comforting touch, sinking back into your pillow as sleep begins to overcome you once more. Only for it to be ripped away immediately as the covers were pulled off you. You whine, instantly curling in on yourself as the cold air pricks at your skin.

“Nooooo...”

“Yesssss,” He mockingly whines back, “C’mon, get up. Breakfast will be ready in five.” He places a chaste kiss to your forehead before strolling out of the room, singing N.I.B. by Black Sabbath. You peel one of your eyes open to look at the clock on the wall. It read 7:15.

Too fucking early for this bullshit.

You sat up begrudgingly, blinking slowly before wiping the drool from the side of your mouth. Your bare legs are covered in goosebumps from the chilly October air that floods through the trailer vents. You slowly kick them over the side of the bed, feeling weighed down. You rest your head in your hands as the pain in your skull only grows with every movement. You couldn’t help but feel annoyance towards your boyfriend for the rude awakening he had given you.

You’re well aware that he’s not a mind reader, and probably couldn’t tell that you were not feeling well, but c’mon. Nobody wants to be woken up like that.

“Why the hell are you so excited about school you dipshit?” You whine, hoping he could hear you over his loud ass music.

“Hellfire tonight baby!” He calls back and you groan, remembering the end of his campaign was in fact tonight after school. You lift your head and stare into the mirror in front of you, taking in your reflection.

The dark Motley Crue tee of Eddie’s that you use as a sleep shirt matches the color of your eye bags, while the rest of you looks incredibly sickly. It was a startling sight to say the least. The ache in your abdomen resurfaces as you stand up, and you wince, stumbling your way through the door of his bedroom.

You‘re so confused as to why you feel like this. Last night you had fallen asleep with a slight stomach ache and now you think you’re dying. You can tell you have a fever just by how achey and sweaty you are, and your head feels like it’s spinning as you guide yourself to the bathroom using the walls.

You can hear Eddie dancing around in the kitchen as something sizzles on the stove. Normally you would laugh and make fun of him for his atrocious dance moves, but the smell of whatever the hell he has cooking goes straight to your gag reflex and you push your way inside the bathroom.

You find yourself on your knees in front of the toilet, dry heaving a few times before your dinner from the night before makes a reappearance. Tears spring to your eyes as the acid burns your throat, and you weakly call out for help the second you got the chance to breathe.

“Eddie...” you manage to choke out just in time before throwing up again. His voice begins to fade into earshot as he approaches the bathroom door.

“Uhhh baby? I sort of burnt the eggs so I think we’re just gonna have to stop at 7/11 on the way- holy shit.” He stops in his tracks, freezing as he takes in the sight before him. He only pauses for a few seconds though, before he’s quickly making his way towards you, multiple panicked “shits” and “fucks” leaving his mouth as he does so.

He carefully maneuvers his way behind you, pulling your hair from your face and holding it back. His other hand rubs up and down your arm soothingly as you retch into the toilet. You can’t help the whimpers that leave you as the pain in the right side of your stomach becomes excruciating.

“Easy sweetheart, I gotcha. Just let it all out.” You cough and hack for a few moments, and his hand moves from your arm to pressing firmly into your back, his thumb gently stroking up and down your spine, “Breathe baby, you gotta breathe.”

You try your best to do so as the contents of your stomach begin to run low, your puking coming to an end. You rest your head against the toilet seat, too tired and in pain to care about how gross it might be. You don’t even notice that Eddie had left your side until he returns, a cool wet rag and a glass of water in hand. He crouches down to your level and gently lifts your head, wiping off your face of any sweat before cleaning around your mouth. The back of his hand finds your forehead as he checks for a fever.

“Jesus Christ, you’re burning up.”

Worry dances over his features as he brings the cup of water up to your lips, allowing you to sip it. You swish it around at first, before spitting it in to the toilet and pulling the handle to flush the contents down. You drink some more after that, relishing in the relief it provides your throat. Eddie stays there with you, still supporting your head as he hums in an attempt to soothe you.

Unfortunately, as soon as he pulls the glass away from your lips you’re reminded of the sweltering burn in your stomach. You wrap your arms around yourself and lean back against the wall, gasping in pain.

“Hurts... Eddie it hurts.” You whimper pathetically, eyes pinching shut.

“What? What hurts!?” He asks in a panic, his eyes scanning over you. He watches as your hands press against the right side of your stomach in an attempt to ease the pain. His hands gently place themselves over yours and he asks,

“Right here?”

You nod frantically, pained groans and whimpers leaving you as he gently pulls your hands away. He slowly pulls your shirt up to reveal your stomach, examining to see what could be wrong. From the looks of it you’re not hurt at all, and he breathes a sigh of relief knowing you weren’t hiding any injuries from him. He places his hand against your stomach, gently pressing into your skin to feel if something is wrong. You hiss in pain and reach out instantly, gripping his arm in a silent plea for him to stop.

“Shit- I know sweetheart I know, I’m sorry.”

He continues to gently prod around until his fingers find themselves over a very swollen section of your abdomen. He sucks in a breath at that, pulling away as soon as you cry out in pain. He reaches up, cradling your cheek to comfort you as he thinks about what to do. Your eyes close and you feel dazed and tired, leaning into his touch. He needs to get you to a hospital, but he knows you well enough to realize that you’d rather lay here and die than do that.

This was going to be a challenge.

“Okay baby c’mon. Let’s get you up okay?” You don’t protest as he reaches under your arms to pull you up, helping you stand on your feet. He wraps an arm around you as he guides you back to the bedroom. He sits you down on the bed while he scrambles around.

You can’t really register much besides the pain at this point, but you are able to feel the soft mattress beneath you and you hum.

“I can sleep again?” You ask, hopeful, your words almost slurring together. Eddie can’t help but chuckle, shaking his head as he approaches you with a pair of sweatpants and his slippers. (The bunny ones he made you swear to never tell anyone about.) He places a kiss to your temple before kneeling down in front of you.

“No no no, no sleeping right now okay?” You pout at that, not even noticing as he maneuvers your legs into the sweatpants, pulling them under you and up over your bum. He slides the slippers onto your feet with ease, before tying your hair up as best as he could incase you had to throw up again.

He helps you stand once more, guiding you out to the van and buckling you in. He hops into the drivers seat, quickly peeling off towards Hawkins ER. The ride there is fairly easygoing. He holds your hand the entire time, stroking it with his thumb anytime you groan in pain, and making sure you stay awake.

As he pulls into the parking lot he realizes just how smoothly this went. Even though you’re clearly out of it, he‘d never expected to be able to get you here so easily. He puts the van in park, and you lift your head in confusion.

“Where are we?” You whine, peeking your head out the window for the first time. You look up at the giant sign by the parking lot entrance that reads ‘Hawkins Emergency Room,’ and your heart drops at the same time as Eddie’s.

So much for this being easy.

“Baby...” he starts, but you don’t let him finish.

“No no no. Eddie... please take me home. I-I can’t-” you’re cut off by your own cry of pain as you try to scramble as far away from him as possible, your abdomen burning like crazy. He slides over to you and grabs your wrists in an attempt to prevent you from hurting yourself further. You continue to fight against him, tears trickling down your cheeks as you yell at him to take you home.

You eventually end up pressed against him, your back meeting his front while his arms keep you encased. You’re pleading now, begging him to get you out of here while you cry and struggle in his arms. He can’t stop the tears from filling his eyes as he holds you close, unable to prevent the sheer terror you must be feeling.

“Sweetheart please-” his voice cracks and you let out a sob. He rests his chin on top of your head, delicately swaying the two of you back and forth, “I want to help you, but you gotta let me.” He holds you impossibly closer to him, kissing the top of your head as he tries to will the tears away.

“Pl-please don’t make me go in there,” you beg again, “I hate hospitals...I-I hate them Eds. I-I’m fine really...please.”

For a minute he contemplates it. He wonders if it’d be easier than having you cry in his arms while you beg him to take you home. But he knows that’s not an option; You’re obviously not okay, and this wasn’t just some sickness you might have caught. Eddie’s no doctor, but he can tell well enough that the swelling in your stomach couldn’t be anything good. He needs to get you in there, but first he’s gotta calm you down.

“Listen to me,” He starts sternly, “You’re not okay and you know that. You need a doctor, and we’re not not leaving until you see one.” You sniffle in response, still trembling in his arms, and his tone softens, his hands gently rubbing up and down your arms. “You’re in pain baby, and I can’t make it go away on my own.” Your lip wobbles and you whimper,

“I-I can’t Eddie please-” you’re cut off once again by a yelp of pain as you clutch your abdomen again. You turn, burying your face into his chest as you cry. You know he’s right but you don’t want to admit it; hospitals are terrifying to you, and they always had been. It’s where people go to die whether they know it or not, and you really didn’t want to be next. Eddie places his palm on the back of your head and he shushes you, continuing to rock the two of you back and forth.

“Yes you can, I know you can. Wanna know why?” You peek up at him, your puffy eyes filled with curiosity, “Cause I’ve seen you do a lot scarier things than going to the hospital.” You huff out a breath, sniffling again.

“I mean come on, you traveled interdimensionally and fought off monsters. All while trying to kill that Vecna creep to save the world.” You wipe your nose with your shirt as you slowly calm down.

“Being brave is hard. Besides, you did that too.”

He kisses your forehead, “Yeah but you did it better.” You smile and he continues, “Besides, if it weren’t for you I’d be bat food.” You shrug, feeling bashful.

“Oh! And remember last summer when you snuck into the Wallace’s trailer to steal your money back, and you outran their Rottweiler?” You can’t hold back your giggle, nodding against his chest. “That beast almost got you too.” You whack him, sitting up and rubbing your tears away.

“Bonnie is not a beast. She’s adorable, and she only chased me cause she likes me. If it was you running it would’ve been a different story. Your ass would’ve been a chew toy.” He gasps, reaching back to cover his butt in mock fear.

“Not this ass, it looks too good! Especially in these jeans.” You laugh at his antics until you gasp, your stomach flaring up. Eddie watches you carefully as you try your best to breathe, and he places a comforting hand on your back.

“Hey, you’re safe okay? I’m not gonna let anything happen to you. I promise.” He murmurs and you take a deep breath, looking back up at him with a smirk.

“You swear on Dustin’s mother?” He huffs out a laugh, shaking his head in disbelief.

“That’s a low blow.” You raise an eyebrow at him, awaiting his answer. “Okay yes. I swear on Henderson’s poor mother.”

You nod, letting out a breath.

“Alright...let’s get this over with then.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“I’m sorry, appenda-what?” Eddie asks, eyes filled with confusion.

“Appendicitis, it’s a condition where the appendix becomes inflamed and filled with pus— causing pain.” The doctor explains sliding on his rolling chair as he points towards the screen.

“Wh-what’s the appendix?” You squeak out nervously. Eddie’s hand rests on your shoulder, providing some comfort. When you and him had stumbled in, they immediately showed the two of you to a room and began to run some tests.

They initially wanted to do the tests in private, but after you had almost went into a full blown panic attack, the doctor and nurses agreed to let Eddie stay. They had given you some temporary pain killers and for a while that helped, but you were still shaking like a leaf in your hospital gown. It was obvious the staff was taking pity on you, but you didn’t want their pity.

You want to go home.

“The appendix is a narrow pouch that projects out from the colon. It really has no known purpose so removal of it would do little to no harm to you-”

“What do you mean removal?” You ask sharply, your tone immediately rising to a panic. The doctor pauses for a moment, as if trying to figure out the best way to tell you this.

“Well you see, appendicitis is considered a medical emergency because if it is left for too long it will eventually caused the appendix to burst or rupture.” You hold your breath, awaiting the dreaded words that were about to leave his mouth. You could feel Eddie bracing himself for your reaction as he slowly moved closer to you.

“A burst appendix is incredibly painful and life-threatening, which means it requires immediate surgery for removal and the cleaning of your abdominal cavity.”

In your mind you’re already gone. You’re sprinting down the hallway, trying to get as far away from that dreaded hospital room as you possibly could. Not once looking back. But here in the present? You’re frozen in place and completely filled to the brim with dread. Almost as if one more drop would cause everything to spill over. Your eyes were completely unfocused and your breathing was picking up rapidly.

“Woah woah woah hey...” Eddie starts, sitting on the edge of the bed next to you. The doctor immediately makes his way closer, placing his hand on your arm, but you aggressively flinch away towards Eddie. A cry leaves your lips and everyone in the room jumps at the sound of it. You’re scared, you’re so scared.

“Y/N it might be best if we-”

“Hey uh listen Doc,” Eddie cuts him off, “I know you’re all um medical professionals and shit but...you guys really freak her out man. I think she just needs some space.” The doctor’s eyebrows furrow.

“I understand that but it’s urgent that we perform the surgery-” you visibly flinch at the word, “before her situation becomes any worse.” Eddie huffs out a breath, his hand rubbing your back as he tries to figure out what to do. His eyes scan over your rigid form for a moment, registering just how terrified his poor girl must be feeling.

“Just... give me five minutes with her okay? Someone’s gotta calm her down and I know that won’t happen if any of you try to do it. Please.”

The man pauses for a few moments before eventually nodding, ushering the nurses out of the room before following them shortly after. As the door shuts behind them, Eddie scoots further onto the bed, situating himself in front of you, taking your face in his hands.

“Hey...can you hear me?”

You’re staring past him, eyes completely unfocused as your mouth moves, revealing the thoughts that are swirling around in your head, almost like a tornado.

“Oh god.... oh god I’m gonna die I gonna die- Eddie I don’t want to die oh god-” you gasp out, your thoughts and words completely jumbling together in a messy pile of fear. You’re trembling under his touch as his thumbs gently stroke your cheeks.

“No no no, you’re not gonna die- Hey!” He taps your left cheek lightly, trying to snap you out of whatever panicked daze you’re in, “Hey look at me.” Your eyes slowly but surely move to meet his, a look of recognition filling them. “Can you hear me?”

It takes you a second to fully register what he had said before you force a nod. He huffs a quick breath of relief before speaking again,

“Listen to me, you’re not gonna die. You’re gonna be just fine okay? I promise.” He moves closer to you, scooting forward in a gentle attempt to bring you into his arms, knowing that you could snap if he wasn’t careful. He pulls you snug against his front and you wrap your arms around him. You lean your head against his chest and take in his musky scent, listening to his heartbeat.

You can’t stop the tears from finally escaping your eyes as you wheeze the air from your lungs. Eddie can feel them soaking the front of his shirt and he’s quick to cradle your head with one hand while he rubs your back with the other. “I know. I know it’s scary baby, I’m right here.” he mutters, his voice like honey. His hand moves from your hair to your neck, holding it gently. It gives you a sense of feeling grounded, like you aren’t going to wither away from fear.

“There we go, deep breaths. Just follow me sweetheart.” There was the slight firm edge to Eddie's voice before he modeled a couple of deep breaths for you to follow along with. Your rapid breathing slowly begins to dissipate back into calm relaxed breaths as he holds you.

“God I’m so pathetic...” you huff out, sniffling. He squeezes the back of your neck ever so gently and you pull back to look at him. His hands find your face once again, thumbs wiping the tears from your cheeks.

“You’re anything but pathetic baby. It’s okay to be scared sometimes you know...” you shake your head in denial and his hands move to rest on your shoulders, “I mean it. Don’t sell yourself short sweetheart, and that’s coming from the guy who’s afraid of bats.”

You huff out a laugh, “You have a good reason to be afraid of them though-”

“And you have a good reason to be afraid of this place. Trust me, even I’m getting freaked out,” He visibly shudders, “Besides, that doctors receding hairline is pure nightmare fuel.”

You bury your face in his shoulder trying to stifle your bouts of laughter. You feel Eddie smile against your head as he places a chaste kiss into your hair. “You better hope you don’t lose your hair one day, or I’ll never stop telling you the same thing.”

“These precious locks?” He dramatically flips his hair over his shoulder, “They aren’t going anywhere. I don’t care how many hair growth products it takes, I refuse to go bald.” You continue to giggle into his shoulder, hoping that the doctor couldn’t hear your conversation through the door.

Just as that thought crosses your mind the door clicks open and the doctor makes his presence known through the clearing of his throat. He didn’t seem overly upset which was a good sign that Eddie’s comment had been kept between the two of you.

“Are we all set to get started? I can give the two of you a few more minutes if you would like?” Eddie pulls away and sits back on his heels as he takes your hands in his. He studies your face for a few seconds before titling his head back, gesturing to the doctor. He gives your hands a reassuring squeeze,

“What do you think sweetheart?” You close your eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before slowly nodding your head.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

Within about 30 minutes you had been moved to the surgery wing of the hospital, and everything was set up for you to be given the anesthetic to be put under. You were shaking like crazy but Eddie stayed with you the whole time. He was informed that he would be allowed to stay with you until you were officially sedated. Part of you wishes he could stay the whole time but that was just your anxiety talking, you knew neither of you would actually want him to stick around while you’re being cut into and operated on.

“You ready?” Eddie asks you, and you look at him nervously. His hand is squeezing yours lightly, trying his best to keep it steady and keep you grounded. You shake your head lightly. “Not really, but I kind of have to be at this point.”

He chuckles, reaching up to tuck a loose strand of hair that had fallen out from the hair net behind your ear. “That’s the spirit...I think?” You smile and shake your head at him. Just then another doctor comes up to your right side, gently taking your arm into her hands.

“Alright Y/N, I’m going to administer the anesthesia now. It should put you to sleep within roughly two to four minutes. You’ll be completely safe and in good hands the whole time, I’ll personally make sure of that. Are you ready?” Her words helped to slightly ease your panic and you nod slowly. She lifts the syringe to the small tube that had been inserted into the vein in your wrist, and you watch as she empties it out, letting it flow into your veins. You don’t feel any different at first, and it isn’t until you open your mouth to speak that you feel anything at all.

“Is it working?” You ask, your words slurring out with a giggle. Eddie smiles, reaching up to stroke your cheek and you hum and the feeling.

“I think so baby.”

A moment later you’re pouting, trying your hardest to keep your eyes open. But Eddie’s thumb on your cheek was very sleep inducing...oh and the drugs too. But mostly his thumb.

“I don’t wanna sleep.” You mumble grumpily, and Eddie raises an amused eyebrow at you, “Oh really? Why not?”

“M’ gonna miss you.” Your tired eyes finally begin to droop and his eyes soften at your words, the smile never leaving his lips. He can hear some of the nurses giggling at your response, and even a mumble of ‘They’re so adorable’ being whispered into the air. He leans down and places a gentle kiss on your forehead, letting his lips linger for a moment.

“Don’t fight the drugs on my account.” He jokes, and you huff out a tired laugh in response. He continues, “And no need to miss me sweetheart, go ahead and close your eyes. I‘ll still be here when you open them again.”

“Promise?” You mumble, on the verge of unconsciousness.

“I promise.” And that’s the last thing you hear before tumbling into a deep slumber.

~~~~~~~~

Beeping is the first thing you hear as your body starts to wake up. Snoring is the second. The cold bite of the hospital air is the first thing you feel. A warm hand in yours is the second. And the bright white light emitting from the fluorescent bulbs is the first thing you see.

Eddie’s sleeping form is the second.

It takes you a few moments to even register where you are or what happened to you before everything slowly starts to flood back into your memory. You swallow, your throat feeling dry as your eyes attempt to get used to how bright the room is.

You look back at Eddie, admiring how cute he looks when he sleeps. His mouth is open too, his tongue barely poking out. He looks so peaceful.

Not for long.

“Psst. Eddie.” You whisper, trying to get his attention.

“Eddie, hey.” You say a little louder. He doesn’t even move. You roll your eyes and huff,

“HEY EDDIE!” You shout as best as you can, giggling as he startles awake, standing up, hands in the air as if he’s ready to karate chop someone. His panicked eyes scan the room before eventually landing on your amused form.

“You. Fucking. Brat.” He grits his teeth, sitting back down. “After everything I do for you? And you wanna play that game?” He grumbles, pouting.

“I just missed you. How long was I out doofus?” You giggle some more, teasing him.

He rolls his eyes at you, “Three hours, and you know, you were a lot nicer to me when you were on drugs.” Your eyebrows furrow for a moment, not recalling anything after the nurse had explained what was going to happen.

“Why, what did I say?” Now it’s Eddie’s turn to mess with you.

“You confessed your undying love to me, right before telling your doctor all about his receding hairline.” He lies, watching as your face drops in horror.

“I did not...” you try to deny, not recalling anything he was telling you, but he just smirks and nods. “Oh but you did sweetheart. And he did not seem impressed.” You groan, dropping your face in your hands, feeling completely mortified.

“Noooooo....” you whine, but he just laughs at you. You attempt to sit up more but you gasp in pain at the sharp sting emitting from your side.

“Hey, take it easy baby,” He scolds, gently pushing you to lay back down, “You just got out of surgery, you’re not gonna recover immediately.” You huff out a frustrated breath.

“How long am I supposed to stay here then?” You ask and he bites his lip, knowing you’re not going to like his answer. “Two days.” You throw your head back again, groaning again about how unfair this all is before your head shoots up once more.

“Wait, what about Hellfire? You can’t stay here, you have to go and finish the campaign! Especially when all the boys are so excited about it! It’s only five o’clock, you can still make it if you leave right now. Just take the van and come back afterwards, I can wait for you I promise. I’m sure this TV has something entertaining for me to watch while-” you’re cut off by his soft lips meeting yours. You squeal in surprise as his hands gently hold your face. He pulls away, forehead resting against yours,

“Calm that pretty little head of yours,” he chuckles, “I already called all of them and postponed it to next week.” Your eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“You...postponed hellfire? Eddie you never do that.” He leans back, smiling at you, “I’d do anything for my girl, besides, they’d all get crushed without you there.” You blush at that, burying your face in his chest.

“I’m sorry about today, I know I totally overreacted-”

“Don’t be sorry. You know I don’t mind taking care of you. I just don’t like seeing you so upset.” His fingers glide down the side of your neck, providing a small form of comfort.

“Well I can officially say that I’m slightly less afraid of hospitals now.” Eddie looks up at you hopefully, “Wait really?”

“No.” You laugh.

Just then the door clicks open and your doctor from earlier walks in, smiling at the two of you. He begins to explain what would be expected of you during your recovery process, and Eddie holds your hand the entire time.

He glances over to you, his eyes dancing over your features in complete adoration. He’s so happy that you’re okay and looking healthier. He didn’t know what he’d do with himself if you didn’t end up fine. And it’s not hard to notice just how relaxed you are. Whether you want to admit it or not, he knows you’re definitely more comfortable here than you were before, and he’s incredibly proud of you for that.

But he’s even more proud of himself when you begin to apologize to the doctor for your “comments” on his balding head. And if he not-so-proudly explains everything to the doctor and takes the blame after you fall asleep, he might just keep that to himself. Because nothing is more important to him than you.

[hangulandhallyu]

AoS Ep 20, Warning: SPOILERS!!!

JUSTICE FOR THE CROWN PRINCE. I will be so pissed off if they get that lazy with his character that ope, pretty girl is with the other guy so I'm going suddenly not be smart anymore and am going to be manipulated by this known evil guy to be the big baddie because I have a fragile ego and stuff. They better have been playing that up just for cliffhanger purposes or I STG!!!

*Screaming*

WHERE IS BUYEON!? There is no excuse for the lack of explanation as to why this character built up as this divine uber-powerful person and the reason Muldeok is different than other soul shifters... suddenly just isn't doing shit when her body KILLS HER OWN FATHER, FIGHTS HER SISTER, And then goes and kills UK, too, etc. I think it's a bit of BS plot armor to have this whole thing happen anyway, but to not even give us an excuse as to why Buyeon suddenly isn't helping is mega WTF.

*Sobbing*

Obviously Somin IS going to be in S2. At the very least the first ep, but I don't see how she won't be in a number of them. Lady Jin directing her angsty, vengeful daughter to bring back Buyeon('s body) home alive wasn't an accident, and was left completely open, so it's going to be a feature of S2's plot, vengeful Spring and a dark mode danggu (ㅠ_ㅠ) full of hate and a desire for revenge hunting her down. at the VERY least she'll still be looking for Buyeon's body in the first ep. The mom & Buyeon will have to have a closure goodbye scene before we say goodbye to Buyeon for good.

*scream-sobbing*

Jang Uk was looking fine AF coming back from the dead though??? like wtF SIR

That whole scene was pretty cool though ngl. The emerging badassedly from the fog was ::chef's kiss:: (He did look a bit confused tho and yeah bro same)

*drunked table flipping*

WHERE WAS THE GOTDAMN ICESTONE BEFORE THAT, EH?? LIKE MAYBE WHEN HE WAS DYING, OR WHEN NAKSU WAS TOUCHING HIM WHILE RUNNING WILD AND HE HAD THE ICE STONE INSIDE HIM, WHICH IS THE THING HE HAD WANTED THE WHOLE TIME TO STOP HER FROM GOING-FUCKING-WILD I CANT BELIEVE THEY DIDNT EVEN EXPLAIN WHY IT DIDN'T DO SHIT FOR EITHER OF THEM UNTIL FIRE TIME.

*soft, sad crying*

I am way too upset that my fictional friends are disappointed in and hateful towards mudeoki/naksu. I think their hatred of Naksu isn't realistic at this point, time would have faded some of it, and especially finding out she was someone they knew and liked and that someone they loved loved her... I really don't feel like this sudden "OH SHE MUST DIE IMMEDIATELY" was well written, and that is disappointing.

I want Jin Mu to die in such a horrible and painful way. Please make him suffer so much T_T

Yul left Naksu bc he was told to the first time, right? Kudos to the actor, I'm pretty sure I could see determination solidifying on his heartbroken face that he was NOT going to listen to his family and abandon her a second time. Not when she needs him the most. (Esp since at that point he does not know that Uk was like no thank u to being dead and burned.)

can we just have a group hug/cry rn? Someone pls bring a lot of booze. And/or chocolate. And tissues 😭😭😭😭