#I think I could even survive Ed going his own way at the end of the show to find happiness

[blue-b-bro]

Being a steddyhands truther and seeing one side of the triangle break up (it happens every few days/weeks):

[hairmetal666]

Steddie Notes BONUS PART

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7)

Eddie wakes up to an empty bed. He’s a little surprised, honestly, since he had his heart set on first anniversary morning sex. Though, based on the smells wafting through their apartment, Steve’s making breakfast, which is an acceptable alternative (plus, if he has it his way, they aren’t leaving the bed again today).

The digital alarm clock on his bedside table is obscured by a Composition Book he doesn’t remember bringing to bed. He reaches for it before his brain registers the red ink dragon sketched on the cover. His hands tremble as he flips it open, but the first few pages are written in his own scrawl. Steve’s handwriting doesn’t appear until 10 pages in and Eddie’s heart stutters at the sight.

March 28, 1986

God, Eddie, I’m so sorry. So, so fucking sorry. I can’t— I’m sorry. I should have been there, I should’ve protected you, I should’ve kept you safe. 

You wouldn’t be part of this if it weren’t for me. Robin and Dustin keep telling me that's not true, that Chrissy was already cursed but. Robin is here because of me. Erica-fucking Sinclair is here because of me. And now you. And you’re dying. And it’s my fault. 

I don’t even know what I’m doing right now, but I can’t just sit and wait, I’d lose my mind. Anyway. You left this notebook in my trunk, and I hope you don’t mind that I’m using it. 

I don’t think I’ve ever been this terrified in my life, Eds.

Please don’t die on me. I can’t live in this world without you. 

March 29, 1986

Hey Eds

You made it through the night. I can’t fucking believe it. I ripped Robin’s shirt when the doctor came in to tell us that you were out of surgery and stable, and then he dropped the bomb that your chance of surviving the night was 40%. Forty-fucking-percent. I guess you beat the odds, babylove.

I’m with Uncle Wayne at your bedside. He threw a fit to make sure I could be here whenever I wanted, and that everyone could visit.

You’ve missed some wild shit, Munson, you’re going to be so mad when you wake up. 

Come back to me, sweet boy. I can’t take this.

March 30, 1986

Made it through a second night, babe. 

I hope you wake up soon. 

Miss you like crazy. 

I keep looking at you in this hospital bed, and you look so fucking small. I hate it. You’re the loudest voice in the room. You don’t just take up space, you demand it. It’s killing me that I haven’t heard your voice in days. And my brain, it keeps filling in things you would say, and I wait for you to speak up, but of course you don’t. It’s a kick to the balls every single time. 

The thing is. 

The thing is that I need you to wake up, Eddie. You can’t leave me. I made up my mind a long time ago, we’re spending our lives together. And it can’t fucking end now. It can’t end because of this. 

And I need you to open your goddamn beautiful eyes so I can tell you how much I love you. You don’t get to go before you hear me say it, do you understand?

I love you. You’re it for me. I’ve never wanted a forever as much as I want one with you. So, you have to wake up, yeah? You have to wake up so we can grow up, have a family, have a life together. 

Promise you won’t leave me, Eds.

March 31, 1986

You woke up, you motherfucker. The doctors kicked me out to look you over and I cried so hard in the bathroom that Robin made El break down the door with her powers. 

Thank you for coming back. I won’t ever let you go again.

April 7, 1987

I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m giving this to you, babylove. It’s been a year. Look how far we’ve come. 

✏️✏️✏️✏️

September 18, 2015

It’s way too fucking early for Eddie to even be awake and he has the day off. Steve asked him to take vacation months ago, didn’t say why, and now that fucker has the audacity to not even be in the house. And like, sure, they’ve been together for close to thirty years, and Eddie knows that Steve goes for a run at the ass crack of dawn.

Still pisses him off, though. 

Eddie huffs down to the kitchen to get coffee started, doing a double take when he sees a familiar black Composition Book with red dragon on the cover. 

He walks towards it slowly because this has been framed on the wall since their first anniversary, way back in ’87, and Steve isn’t home.

Eddie opens it, re-reads the panicked, lovesick notes Steve wrote in the hospital, doesn't bother to fight back the tears. He gets to the last letter and the paper is stiff and wrinkled, like it took water damage. Eddie flips the page, grief already pumping through his veins.

What he sees instead is college-ruled notebook paper, glued in place. It reads:

“I fucking hate this class.”

“Tell me about it.”

“trig. You?”

“Algebra 2 :(” 

A sound escapes his mouth, something between a laugh and a sob.

“Hey man, I'm pretty sure I fucked things up with us, and I owe you an apology. I've always known who you were, but you had no idea I was me...”

“Anyone ever tell you you’re kind of beautiful, Munson?”

“Watch. The. Movie. This is the last time we get high first if this is how you behave.”

 “What are you gonna win me at the fair, Harrington?” 

 “If you’re nice to me, probably something cute.” 

“Eddie…I think I really like you

You’re my favorite person in the entire world

Some days you’re the only thing I can think about

I want to wake up in bed with you everyday

I can’t stop thinking about what it would be like to kiss you

Do you like me? Yes or No”

“What are you doing about Hellfire?”

“Huh?”

“If the game is Friday. Lucas can’t do both.”

“He made his choice.”

“You ever been in love?”

No, but I think I’m falling”

“I love you, Eddie”

All the sketches of the sailor boy and the rockstar are there, even the one Eddie stuck to the poster in his room, though how Steve managed to get that is anyone’s guess.

There are pictures too, Eddie and Max still recuperating in the hospital; Corroded Coffin performing at the Hideout; them holding the keys to the bar, Steve shirtless and hammering something while Eddie looks on, with the increasingly popular bands Eddie booked to play their must-see Friday night slots; Steve on his first day of college and one of him jumping into Eddie’s arms in his graduation gown, mortar board slipping off his head; In the hospital cradling their twin girls with Max giving a weary thumbs-up between them. Shot after shot of their family, their life, their dreams coming true. A scrapbook of their lives together, big moments and small; good and bad. 

Eddie’s crying freely as he flips through the rest of the book, still fucking astounded that Steve is the love of his life, that they’re making a forever together.

Eddie flips to the last page. Stops dead. 

In Steve’s looped handwriting, unchanged since high school, it says:

“Eddie, 

         Will you marry me?”

“What the fuck?” He yelps, standing up fast enough that his chair crashes to the floor. 

He turns and Steve— his reason for being, the man that brought him back from the dead—Steve Harrington, is down on one knee, something silver glinting in his outstretched hand.

“Eddie,” he says, his voice a wreck. “Marry me?” 

Eddie crashes to his knees, shoving at Steve’s shoulder. “You’re such an idiot.”

Steve laughs. “Is that a yes?”

Eddie laughs too, but it quickly morphs into a sob, “Of course it’s a yes, Steve. Of course.”

Hands trembling, Steve slips the ring onto Eddie’s hand. It’s a thin silver band with skeletal hands contorted into an infinity symbol. 

They fall into a kiss that rips the breath from Eddie’s lungs, but then that’s nothing new. When they finally pull apart Eddie asks, “why today?”

Steve blushes and grabs at the back of his neck. “Thirty-one years ago, I walked into Mundy’s class and found a note on the window ledge.” 

“What the fuck.” Eddie’s mouth drops, his heart stuttering. This man.

“Once I figured out you leaving that note was going to be one of the most important moments of my life? I made sure to never forget.”

“Baby.” Eddie pulls Steve in for another kiss. “I can’t wait to marry you.”

Steve tugs at Eddie’s hand. “C’mon.”

“Where we going?” 

“The girls will be here in a couple hours, and I have some things I want to do to you before they’re home.”

“The GIRLS?” Eddie shrieks. “How the hell long have you been planning this? Did they KNOW?”

“Since the end of June,” Steve answers without missing a beat. “And of course they know. Everyone knows. I asked Wayne for his blessing.” 

Eddie can’t speak, his heart crashing in his chest as he, once again, thanks whatever entity made it possible for him to have this.

“I’ve been in love with you for over half my life, Eds. I wanted to do this right. You deserve it. We deserve it.” 

He pulls Steve into his arms, kissing him hard enough that their teeth clack, but neither of them care.

✏️✏️✏️✏️

When they come home from dinner, as Steve reaches in his pocket for his keys to let the entire family in the house to celebrate their engagement, he finds a gum wrapper tucked in with the metal. He unfolds it, the words within unfurling in his heart, his soul.

"Thank you for giving me forever, sweetheart."

Edited: check out the full version on ao3!

This is officially the end! I hope you enjoyed this little (long) bonus part. Thanks for reading! 💜💜💜

@gaysonthefloor @little-gae-shit @ineffablecolors @mojowitchcraft @hiscrimsonangel @thegingerrapunzel @adelicioustragedy @mackdaddyofheimlichcountyy @im-sam-fucking-winchester @rainydays35 @gobbledy-gluk-gluk @gay-stranger-things @sherilitchi @gezell-igg @leather-and-freckles @bornonthesavage @ramyayaya @awkwardgravity1 @chaoticvictorianspirit @thosemessyvibes @beeing-stuupid @silentiumdelirium @freyaforestafay @thatbitchgayasf @sapphirecobalt-1 @sahh-dude @adorkfromnewyork @ollie-in-gray @extralegobrick @snapshotmaestro

@fandomgenderz @nuttychaosface @thatcottagewitch @idoquitelikebread @shinekocreator @savveth @mackfrfr0 @yourebuckingkiddingme @steddieassheg0es @gamerdano @thebig-smoke @questionablequeeries @zerokrox-blog @thegingervulcann @charlies-candid-corner@perpetual-trashcan @sleepy-rainedrop @marvelous-musicals @hoffmannwrites @fromapayphone @courtjestermunson@juicinmyjams @daydreaming-mood @aceflavouredyougurt @emly03 @pille1983 @darcyshandflex @anteaterballs @adankrivervalleynearyou @didntwant2come @kittsu-makes-glass @alienace

@somewhereatdawn @5pac3g1r7 @thequeervibes @paperbackribs @bitchysunflowerr @knitsforthetrail @wrenisflying @plasticcrotches @demoniccorvid @em9515 @savory-babby @loverliner @aceacebaby42

@trainchomp @anaibis

[avelera]

OFMD really said, "Pursue the things you love, not the things you fear."

I'm still turning this idea over in my head like a microwave but I'm thinking about Stede's line to (the picture of) Ed, "I'm afraid that your life is better without me."

From @blackbbonnet's gifset here.

Whew, what a doozy of a line!

And what a curious line!

Because the reason Stede left Ed at the end of Season 1 was in the hopes that it would improve Ed's life if he took off.

Despite the fact that Ed chose to be with Stede. Despite the fact Ed was content with folding socks if he was by Stede's side. Despite kissing him and declaring, by somewhat obliquely, that a life anywhere was fine as long as Stede was there, Stede just couldn't hear it over the sound of the Badmintons and his own trauma in his ears telling him he destroyed beautiful things, like his family, and Ed.

Ok, so what does this have to do with my thesis above?

Stede failed, he messed up, because he saw his worst fear of Ed being happy without him and decided that the painful thing was the right thing. That the voices in his head telling him he was worthless were correct. That it was better to listen to those voices, and to make his greatest fear a reality.

I've argued that the narrative morality of OFMD, the actions that give you plot armor and allow you to save the day, are when characters pursue what they love.

This is in contrast to many other adult-aimed works of fiction that say we should do things out of duty. We should do things that are painful but necessary. OFMD said, "Fuck that noise."

Because Stede left Ed out of a sense of duty. And he fucked over every single person in his life by doing so, including Mary and his kids, though he was able to fix that eventually specifically by resolving to return to his own happiness so that they could have theirs.

But then we've got this quote above! This quote saying that Stede is afraid Ed's life is better. Fascinating! Absolutely fascinating! Because that means the thing Stede was ready to self-sacrifice for at the end of the Season 1 was the thing he feared most: a life for Ed that was better without Stede in it.

I suppose there's no better definition of duty, huh? Then the resolve to do something that will be personally painful to us for some higher goal. And again, OFMD said fuck that noise, pursue your happiness, and do so proudly.

But there's an extention to this too, the more I thought about it. The show literally even said that even for matters of survival, the better motivation is joy not fear or duty.

Think of the storm in S1 ep. 4. While trying to think of a way for everyone to survive because it's his duty as a captain, Ed is distracted, disinterested. Izzy's frustration with him mounts. The tension rises. His heart is really not in it, we know Ed's actively suicidal...

And the plan Ed comes up with fails.

It was born out of duty as a captain and it failed because he messed up the dates.

But what plan succeeds? The plan born out of joy. The Ed that works with Stede to become a lighthouse is acting out of an active, joyful desire to live, he chooses life out of the joy of being with Stede, of partnering with Stede.

The you flash forward to the scene where Ed is drowning in his Purgatory fever dream and the simple motions of struggling to stay alive are not enough. The duty of staying alive is not enough. The thing that actually works is when the choice he makes to live is joyful, it's a positive choice to go towards the light and be with Stede. Stede, embodied as a beautiful gold fish of a merman.

And just to be clear, I don't at all think that OFMD is saying, "If you don't have a joyful reason to move forward, just give up." Not at all.

What I think it's saying is, pursuing your happiness will succeed. Even when it's scary. Even when it means confronting fears. Even when it's hard. Duty alone isn't enough to live on. It's not enough to motivate us when things are hard. It has diminishing returns. Pick and pursue what gives you joy, choose a shining target to move towards, and you'll not only be true to yourself, but good things will come out of it. Just like Ed finding Stede, and Stede finding Ed, because they pursued what made them happiest in life.

[emptymasks]

so.. i sure feel like i invested a lot into a show just for them to not care in the end. and this isn't a 'wah they killed of my fave character so show bad'.

the pacing felt weird, right? i wonder if they wanted 10 episodes but the network only gave them 8? or maybe they just didn't know how to end the show. maybe they're scared they won't get a season 3 and so rushed the end of season 2?

but to build up izzy, to have him talk about belonging to something... only to have him die without anyone telling him they love him. yeah ed said they're family but like. the whole thing felt so sudden, from him being the one with richard to getting shot to dying and then to suddenly haha the silly guitar music is playing guys its funny joke time. like. ed was upset as izzy was dying but then it seemed at his burial that no one really cared. it would have been more impactful if his death had been the final scene of the season.

but wouldn't it have been much better to show izzy finding a family? to have him captain the revenge? to contrast with season 1 and how the crew hated him when he was in charge. to end season 2, end the show, with him captaining the crew and having their respect and their love?

because it really didn't feel like he died for the crew, for his family. because he push someone else out of the way to save them he just got outsmarted by richard (since when is izzy that stupid or not strong enough to hold onto a man?) and got shot. like idk you could have had him die protecting ed or stede or the crew. how on earth could izzy not hold onto a man who's physically weaker than him and how the hell did he let someone else grab his fucking gun. or wait im re-watching it looks like richard just.. grabbed a gun out of his own coat.. i.. did no one search this man and take his weapons off him.. what the fuck.. no im sorry there's no excuse that doesn't make sense for no one to have taken his weapons away that just seems like bad writing.

if you were going to kill him off he deserved a better death.

but he deserved a better ending than this. what's the point of him having this arc of finally caring about people if he dies and it seems no one really cared other than ed and fang?

omg i just read as i'm writing this that jenkins does have a plan for a season 3. okay so now it's only acceptable if con wanted to leave the show so they had to kill off izzy but they still should have done it better. have him fending off the english so the crew can escape. have him taking a bullet for ed. something that means something. omg.

and ed and stede... i don't feel like they're ready for this yet. the only way they should be living together is the end of the show. not the end of a season. they literally only just got back together they need time to grow together.

you really said its a show about people finding love and happiness and then killed off the queer disabled character who got to die while telling his abuser that he loved him. the ending feels like the show saying 'actually not everyone deserved love, if you were an izzy fan you were right to get hate' like. he deserved to be loved by the crew, to be told that they cared. but he didn't get that.

also um?? the crew dont love ed. he literally only just finished torturing them, some of them have ptsd and trauma from what he did to them, and even if they want to forgive him they certainly do not love him yet. they cared much more about you izzy than they did about ed.

and then to have him shot in the left side, the place that ed showed in season 1 was a 'safe place' to get injured i. what.

where the fuck was roach? just watching? not trying to help? does he either not care or not think it's worth trying to save him??

IM SORRY BUTTONS CAN TRANSFORM INTO A BIRD, AUNTIE CAN SURVIVE AN EXPLOSION, JACKIE AND SWEDE ARE IMMUNE TO POISON, BUT IZZY GETTING SHOT IN HIS LEFT SIDE UH OH THAT'S DEATH SORRY.

i love the crew, i love zheng. i like stede and ed's romance but they're never the reason i watched the show. but i found izzy's arc the most meaningful to me. and i. i really don't think i'm going to watch a season 3 if there is one. not just because izzy's not there, but that last episode just felt like they don't care or don't know how to write anymore in a way that i enjoy at least.

to see someone like izzy (who's backstory i thought we would get, at least who the ring belongs too that he wears around his neck but no okay) he disliked because he has to be, he doesn't know how to be soft and be loved or how to love others. to show that a person who has been hurt so much and built themself so hard and buried their real self so far below.. to see that person be able to find themself again, to love others, to let themself be loved, to others see who they are. that meant so much.

so much for this being a happy queer show. for a lot of people he felt like this representation of an older queer man who's just coming out of the closet, exploring himself, there's not another character like that. the disability representation with him this season i've seen has meant a lot of people. his arc isn't the same as any others and a lot of people have found something very personal to connect to in that and i think they have a right to be upset.

to say it makes sense for him to be killed off for the narrative because ed needed to let him go... sounds cruel? izzy is a person, he's not a narrative object to make ed feel better about himself. to have ed abuse izzy, physically abuse him, and then izzy's arc ending with him apologising as if it was his fault (yes he encouraged blackbeard, but please let's not victim blame, let's take male victims of abuse seriously) and saying he still loved ed i just..

to say it makes sense narratively for him to get killed off for other reasons i don't fully disagree, but i think it was too soon, and i think at least it should have been in a way that made sense like him protecting the crew, not allowing richard to STILL HAVE HIS GUN ON HIM DID NO ONE CONFISCATE HIS WEAPONS?? or did he take izzy's gun in which case HOW how would izzy allow richard to take his gun. he's smart and a capable fighter what is this.

i saw someone else say izzy's death had no meaning and no consequence. and they're right. the crew moved on straight away and forgot about him (apart from fang, shout out to fang), and seemed like they didn't care. they aren't seeking revenge. they aren't angry. so it's for.. ed and stede to get together? izzy deserves more than that. and they could have still gotten together anyway... if it's for ed to move on then fuck that. an abuser doesn't get to move on from the abuse he caused because his victim fucking died.

i'd been looking forward to this episode all week after i really terrible week and well. should have known nothing this week was going to plan.

[scarrletmoon]

i cant wait until i fully make sense so izzy thoughts below the cut

it's just SO REFRESHING to know that i -- and others in the same boat (ha) -- actually got izzy. got that he's the antagonist, that he's there to cling to the old guard as ed tries to escape it, that he's the representation of toxic masculinity and white supremacy and self-hating queer people

the thing that made him interesting was that he held so tightly onto one version of piracy (and masculinity) even as the world changed around him. he thought he knew what he wanted. he thought that if he could steer the ship -- steer blackbeard -- back to a bygone era, that would fix everything. izzy is every conservative who thinks that the world is falling apart bc we've lost sight of tradition. izzy is the person who doesn't realize that their hard-headedness is what's causing them misery. izzy is every person so afraid of change that they think their ultimate mission is to go back to what once was. izzy is doing this for YOUR own good

except the show doesn't think that way. at every turn, this show says "there's more than one way to be a man". it says "people can change if they want to". it says "there are people out there who want to forgive you, if you stop hardening your heart". it says "you've built this wall that you think is protecting you, but it's actually the reason why you feel unloveable"

izzy had to change in order to reach that point. he's so stubborn that he had to fall especially hard to even be receptive to it. i don't think he was always kind deep down -- i think he had to be broken down to almost nothing, until his old crutches literally broke beneath him, before he could accept that the world isn't a cruel, selfish place, or that he needs to be cruel and selfish to survive in it

and as he changes, he no longer functions as the antagonist. as ricky says, he got "boring". he's served his purpose. and unlike ed, that's not terrifying to him, because he knows it's true. serving his purpose doesn't mean he has nothing left to live for. it means that when he's finally on his deathbed, he's the old man who had a full life of regret and sadness but also love and joy, and he's finally happy. he finally likes who he is. and it's like his entire life was leading up to a moment where he realizes his true mission was to find love. he's found it, so unlike ed who had to shove himself off the ledge, he lets go by himself. he's not screaming and begging for death like he was in episode 2. he knows that he's leaving behind a man who doesn't need him, but who he loves, and who he knows loves him. and that love isn't possessive and cruel anymore.

i think there's a way the story could've ended without izzy dying, but i think it's very symbolic that in his last moments, he finally accepts who ed wants to be. he was the last one clinging to blackbeard, and he had to let that go for the story to continue. djenks has literally said izzy is the mentor who has to die in act 2 so the protagonist can actually grow into what they need to be.

and i know there are a lot of people who relate to izzy, and i know they don't want to hear it from me, and that's why they lash out at me. they think i've never done this introspection myself, that i've made excuses for my favourite characters (i read this as projection). and i'm hoping that some of them DO that introspection and realize what the show is ACTUALLY trying to tell them; not that you deserve to die for being who you are because fuck, by the time izzy dies, he's NOTHING like what he was. what the show is ACTUALLY trying to tell you is that even if your past is full of cruelty, even if you've hurt others, even if you feel like the world is against you, you can still change. you can become someone you actually like, and who others also like, without losing the parts of you that feel like YOU. YOU can realize all of that before you're on your deathbed finally apologizing for all the shit you did. i'm not saying that everyone else is better than you bc they might have reached that conclusion already. but i AM saying that maybe it might make you happier to be a little vulnerable and a little more accepting of things and people who you thought were against you

i imagine there's a trove of izzy fans who're going to leave the fandom now and do their own insular thing. and i'm not going to pretend that i'm going to miss the people -- regardless of which side of fandom they're on -- who have been shitty to me and others. but if even ONE person realizes that maybe they got izzy wrong? that's good. i'd like that

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Universities secretly sold their students to online casinos

End-stage capitalism’s defining characteristic is making money rather than making things. Think of how Jack Welch destroyed GE by transforming it from a manufacturing company to a financial engineering shop:

https://the.ink/p/like-capitalism-itself-business-journalism

Hospitals are invoice-generating factories with a sideline in medicine. The electronic health record only incidentally records your health. Its primary purpose is to record your billing-codes:

https://www.beckershospitalreview.com/ehrs/physicians-spending-nearly-2-hours-a-day-on-ehr-tasks-outside-work.html

And universities? Ugh. Most universities now have more administrators than faculty:

https://www.jamesgmartin.center/2022/08/administrative-bloat-harms-teaching-and-learning/

Much of that “administration” comes down to begging alums for money to funnel into vast endowments, but heaven forfend those endowments would be used to cover payroll and other essentials, even in a pandemic emergency:

https://www.forbes.com/sites/reneemorad/2020/04/21/harvard-under-fire-for-accepting-nearly-9-million-in-coronavirus-relief-funds/

Nor are endowment funds available to pay the education workers who actually teach students, but can’t afford the rent, food, or family:

https://www.capradio.org/articles/2022/11/14/nearly-50000-university-of-california-graduate-student-employees-launch-open-ended-strike/

The point of the endowment is to increase the size of the endowment — not to improve educational outcomes or research. That’s why Harvard is “A hedge fund that has a university”:

https://www.wsj.com/articles/a-hedge-fund-that-has-a-university-1510615228

This is the overwhelming logic of capital: capital exists to increase capital, and the underlying mechanism for that increase is irrelevant. This was the reasoning behind the surreal bid to sell the .ORG nonprofit registry to a secretive hedge-fund.

The point of the .ORG registry is to host domain records for nonprofits; incidentally, this throws off some extra money that is turned into grants for public interest projects. The board decided to sell off .ORG so it could make more of these grants, despite the fact that this would compromise the mission of hosting .ORG domain records:

https://www.eff.org/press/releases/org-domain-registry-sale-ethos-capital-rejected-stunning-victory-public-interest

Likewise, this was the reasoning of the Mountain Equipment Co-Op board when they decided to sell off the member-owned co-op (“the most trusted brand in Canada”) to a US private equity fund without consulting the members:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/09/16/spike-lee-joint/#casse-le-mec

The expand-capital-at-all-costs mindset is a virulent species of brain worms. It’s the basis for surreal movements like effective altruism, which encourages people who want to do good for the world to sell out to the most toxic industries on Earth, amass gigantic fortunes, and then, upon their death, donate them to causes that in some way remediate the harms they themselves wreaked:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earning_to_give

In his new book Survival of the Richest, Douglas Rushkoff calls this “The Mindset” — “I need to make vast amounts of money, no matter what the consequences, or I will not be able to afford to insulate myself from the consequences of how I made all that money”:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/09/13/collapse-porn/#collapse-porn

Once you let people with The Mindset anywhere near your institution, they will take it over and turn it into a paperclip-maximizing killing machine, one that abandons and then betrays its mission to increase its profits, eventually killing its host. Anything that can’t go on forever will eventually stop:

https://doctorow.medium.com/anything-that-cant-go-on-forever-will-eventually-stop-110ba9711133

That’s what’s happened to higher ed. It’s not just the payroll full of starving adjuncts, facilities workers, etc. It’s not just the way that universities join forces with textbook monopolists to gouge their students:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/10/07/markets-in-everything/#textbook-abuses

Beyond academics having to rely on food-stamps, students going into lifetime debt to enrich predatory textbook monopolies, and the other horrors of financialized higher ed, there’s the special evil of college sports.

Like all finance-bro motivated reasoning, college sports are sold as a way to do well by doing good: “Look! We’re giving poor people a chance at a great education based on their physical prowess, and we’re racking up tons of money for the university!”

But — like all finance schemes — college sports is a self-licking ice-cream cone that destroys the lives of the people who generate value for it, even as it devours its host institution from within.

Did you know that until very recently, college athletes weren’t allowed to make a penny from their labor?

https://www.scotusblog.com/2021/06/in-unanimous-ruling-court-agrees-with-athletes-that-ncaa-violated-antitrust-laws/

Did you know that those same athletes experience lifelong brain injuries?

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2791303

Did you know that college sports are a cesspit of long-term, officially tolerated sexual abuse?

https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2021/nov/30/ohio-state-michigan-doctors-sexual-abuse-college-football

Did you know that the highest paid public employee in many states is a football coach at a state college?

https://www.profootballnetwork.com/highest-paid-college-football-coaches-2022/

Did you know that college coaches conspired with the rich parents to steal sport-related admission slots from poor kids and give them to mediocre winners of the orifice-lottery?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Varsity_Blues_scandal

In many universities — whether public or private — the sports program effectively runs the show. Take the University of New Hampshire: back in 2016, a university librarian named Robert Morin left his life’s savings to the school after 50 years of service. Morin lived frugally for that half century and amassed a personal fortune of $4m.

He believed so deeply in the university’s mission that he turned it all over to the school without any restrictions. Talk about earning to give! The university blew Morin’s gift on a new jumbotron for their sports stadium:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/09/16/university-to-buy-1-million-football-scoreboard-with-thrifty-librarians-money-outraging-critics/

The people who see universities as inconvenient adjuncts to exploitative sports teams know that there are still rivals within higher ed who think the point of the school is to educate students.

That’s why the universities that arranged to allow sports gambling websites to target the young people in their care did so in secret.

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/11/20/business/caesars-sports-betting-universities-colleges.html?unlocked_article_code=AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACEIPuonUktbfqYhlSVUZAybfQMMmqBCdnr_EybEnj2XlaTONTixe1KEfDpSc-kHCILdlZsU-xS-aWN5MK_okQ_h2w-BSJAptVwys6NOiqagyHh8U-8i1T39kmNXER6w5-jvnKWDmIe5ymOTn-hvbbzH1XKzbg2lxIVpvvZY2d12t3yMDwKmVFfVnmYUrhYdXDZ54TT8KZiWY7bK_W1glZoLwPlyL4RI2WupZRTnQgdWfjrsCew5TAl7FJ2httSd-sJgPfYNKY9usakIoa8H8gr4OCmd3LYvPBpQ5RILck70Coqf9dPDE9RFVhqXegnp2EK4F

Writing for the New York Times, Anna Betts, Andrew Little, Elizabeth Sander, Alexandra Tremayne-Pengelly and Walt Bogdanich reveal the extraordinary corruption and depravity of college administrators who colluded with sports book companies to bring gambling to campus.

Implicated in the scandal are such top schools as Michigan State, U Colorado Bolder, Louisiana State, Syracuse and Texas Christian Univeristy (mission: “to educate individuals to think and act as ethical leaders and responsible citizens”).

On the casino side, the major player is Caesar’s, which is only fitting — Caesar’s was driven to bankruptcy by private equity who managed to financialize a casino into ruin:

https://www.ft.com/content/a0ed27c6-a2d4-11e7-b797-b61809486fe2

Caesar’s offered universities millions of dollars for the right to directly sports betting to students. The MSU deal, brokered by university officials Paul Schager and Alan Haller, was worth $8.4m. That is to say, Caesar’s was asking the university to help it drain at least $8.4m from students’ bank accounts in order to turn a profit.

Louisiana State U did a similar deal with Caesar’s, and then embarked on a direct marketing campaign to sell sports gambling to students who were too young to legally place a bet.

LSU says this was a mistake. Cody Worsham, a university official who holds two offices — associate athletic director and chief brand officer (!!) — said that Caesar’s and LSU “share a commitment to responsible, age-appropriate marketing.”

Meanwhile, U Colorado Boulder struck a deal where it earned a $30 bounty every time a student went from non-gambler to gambler — in other words, Boulder didn’t make money by advertising gambling to students — it made money only if its students started gambling.

These student gambling programs are designed to keep children betting even if they lose money, with teaser offers that refund some losses if students keep placing bets.

This is obviously unsavory stuff. That’s why the architects of these programs went to enormous lengths to keep it secret. The state schools involved funneled their deals through private marketing agencies that were shielded from FOIA requests, specifically to prevent the public from learning how public universities were conducting their affairs.

As MSU executive associate athletic director Paul Schager put it: “With the multimedia rights holder, public institutions like Michigan State no longer have to disclose all those sponsorship deals. This helps with the sponsors being able to spend what they feel is appropriate without having the public or employees or stockholders question that investment.”

The deals themselves are far-reaching. As part of MSU’s Caesar’s deal, tailgate parties before big games would be “Caesarized,” with the casino providing ad-copy for the live announcers to read to attendees. As a figleaf, $25,000 of the millions that MSU received from Caesar’s was earmarked for gambling addiction education.

The deals weren’t just kept secret from the public — they were also hidden from top university oversight. At UC Bolder, the Board of Regents was informed of the deal mere hours before it was announced to the public.

These deals have only been running for a couple months and it’s too soon to chart the long-term harms they’ll create in the student body. But, the Times* notes, there is an one harm that surfaced almost immediately: student athletes are now subject to vicious abuse by their fellow students, who lose money they can’t afford when their peers lose a game.

[Image ID: A gaudy casino floor. In the foreground is a figure in college graduation robes giving a double thumbs-up. His head is a grinning skull with a mortarboard.]

[dream-this-nightmare-over]

Joe Cole imagine

This one is for @shelundeadxxxx (i see you bestie), and @fckyeahjoecole (wake up bestie wherever you are, its been 5 years since we heard from you yet your posts are curing my new obsession), and @moonlit-void-to-the-far-unknown cause you are hoe for this man just like me.

You can find more of my imagines in my book Imagines on wattpad.

Hope you enjoy as much as I enjoyed getting lost in this daydream and eventually sitting down to write it.

Text came on 21st of July out of nowhere when y/n already thought it will be another cold summer.

'You me 9pm screening'

Joe never forgot his friend and deal they made on one of Ed's dinner parties or was it on some other occasion they gravitated almost always toward each other naturally pulled through people who's attention never brought peace like that of a friend in mischief. They would find each other and leave the crowd or stick to each other making rounds settling in corner with champagne and micro cupcakes making up what they taste like cause trends all seem to be tasteless left to one's interpretation, making fun of pumpered faces who only knew to call them out for being themselves.

They were going to see Oppenheimer together, on opening day. It was pinky promise sealed with smiles that even from shadows put candlelight to shame.

They meet outside, under glow of newly installed Barbenheimer titles at entrance, when heat died down a bit, and dusk rushed to its paintbrushes coloring hastily sky in purples and blues, overneeded relief in scenery. 'Hey you!' Joe excitedly greets coming toward y/n. As she was watching him come closer, mental image appeared and it grew bigger until he was in his full John attire walking John walk spreading his arms sassy and coy, feisty edges softened to gentleness and consideration irl. Perhaps this is why its so easy to fall for actors: they can be anybody they can play into any role we think of in our heads, its easy to imagine them following another script, no one knows who they really are, a mold for imaginative minds, perhaps even they don't recognize the reflection without all the makeup and pretence, it's easier to look at world through anyone's eyes but your own. They share their significant handshake, he doesn't part but pulls her in quick hug and they fall in easy chatter of laughs and jokes. It was hard to believe y/n will see any of the movie cause his eyes held her whole world and attention and thoughts captive. No imagination could compete with real thing. Drown me in you, for i am sinner.

In one incredibly brave moment during movie, Joe looked over at his friend, in darkness he can let go of his shyness social restraints loose it's okay to give air to your feelings and appreciate the moment indulge in secret admiration he will mask with smile when caught; from blue shadows playing on her face thought arose flickered into wonder what would cillian think of them together, if maybe he had it already figured out, he wondered if it's possible to love without flexing about it, if anything can survive without going through ordeal of condemnation, and he was pained to conclude this friendship is too sacred for world to touch it with their critical prejudicial opinions. But then she smiled at him quizzically and he knew he thinks too much. Love finds a way. It curves like river changes environment reshapes the world until it finds its freedom.

Neither wished for night to end. It was too late to chase one masterpiece with another, so they decided to meet tomorrow at same time to see Barbie.

They walked from cinema aimlessly wandering through town, hoping they never run out of pathways that lead to merging point from where no goodbye needs to be said again.

He held her hand never letting go laughing as she laughed at stars, pulled her back and spun her around in the middle of street under street lamp, slow danced night away, until sudden rain sent them running opera reaching its crescendo. They stood under his jacket he kept overhead covered stage them main characters , everything is funny if company is non judgemental, pitter-patter matching musical of hearts clock ticking midnight, y/n was lost in haze from when he put his arm around her in the dark and kept it there through breaks and credits as she showed him reaction memes that were already pouring Internet and they compared their experience with 'same. Omg so true. He killed it. Omg yes that part was something else'

She stayed the night, on his couch. He left the door open so they never feel too far away, he didn't want to keep walls when around her, he was tired of feeling forced separation from what he wants, forced pretence forced silencing of hapiness found.

On brink of slipping away, he realised he didn't kiss her. There will come time for that. Right words aren't born yet. But it's all in the making.

They went to show love for their friend Cillian but it was all masterly planned and excuted excuse to show love for each other.

In the morning, they checked the earliest showtime for barbie and went cause they were too excited to wait and there was no real reason to, since yesterday turned into tomorrow, friends turned to I never want you to go, time was theirs to make or break but they were way ahead of doubt it can't catch them now. Joe only smirked when y/n pulled bright shade of pink lipstick form her bag and offered it to him with innocent mischief written in her eye, he smirked cause her knew he will love her for the rest of the time they have together. He wouldnt check even if he had chance. Destiny can't be manipulated, so what's the point of knowing the outcome, you can't enjoy the ride if you only worry about the the end. End comes whether we try to fight the current or go with the flow. So why not relax and enjoy?

It was y/n's couch from then on.

[sunshinereddie]

ok so i just saw this art from @gloomy-prince and it made me think of a little hc!! all credit to then, so go show their art some love!!!

after the incident with bowers, as anon said, beverly immediately gets to work on trying to patch him up (bev pierced her own ears several times as a teenager, she’s sure this can’t be that much different….) but as she does so eddie won’t stop nagging her about sterilizing the needle, getting him out of this dirty bathroom and into a clean space, ranting to her about the possibility of infection and tetanus.

but then, when richie returns to the hotel and finds out what happened, he starts to panic. he hasn’t even been back in derry for 24 hours, and already so many bad things have happened that have made him want to start running. and now, on top of all of that, eddie got hurt, and richie wasn’t even there for him. hell, richie only just remembered a few hours earlier that he’s still in love with eddie after all these years, and now seeing eddie with a bleeding face, it’s all too much.

richie begins bombarding eddie, asking if he’s okay, asking what happened, trying to look at the injury to make sure his friends aren’t lying to him when they say eddie’s okay, and trying his very best not to cry because the sight of eddie in pain just breaks his heart. but then, eddie says, “i know you’re worried, rich, but it’s okay- i got beverly to sterilize the needle before she stitched me up, and bill’s bringing some antibacterial cream on his way back. these bandages are kind of old, but at least we were able to cover it up, that way it can stay clean even in this dirty place. plus, i’m all up to date on my tetanus shot, so i’ll be okay. i should pick up some antibiotics though, just in case…”

and all richie can do is… smile. because of course that’s what eddie is worried about. while richie is panicking about the fact that eddie just barely survived attempted murder and is worrying about how eddie is hurt, of course all eddie is focusing on is cleaning the needle to stitch him up and whether or not he’ll get tetanus. it’s all just so… eddie. and of course, despite everything that happened to him, eddie is the one trying to make richie feel better. richie couldn’t remember a lot from his childhood, but he did remember… that eddie was always there for him when he needed it.

richie throws an arm around eddie’s shoulders, giving him a comforting pat on the arm. “sure, eds, we’ll get you all of that,” he said, interrupting eddie’s rant about whether he should buy antibiotic pills or ointment. “but what i wanna know, is how’d bev stitch you up like that without any anaesthesia? i still remember the way you squealed when i snapped your arm back into place when we were kids.”

eddie huffed, his cheek not covered by a bandage flushing pink. “yeah, because i was twelve and that was a broken bone. besides, this didn’t even hurt that much.”

at that, ben stifled a laugh. “oh yeah?” he said. “my left hand begs to differ. i think you were holding on so tight you cut off circulation.”

eddie tossed a roll of bandages at ben to shut him up, but he was laughing along with the rest of them. richie slowly removed his arm from around eddie, but he didn’t take his eyes away from him. eddie was laughing, but richie could tell that the action was hurting his cheek.

they had a terrifying day ahead of them. all the night before, richie had only been able to think of the worst-case scenario, convincing himself that that was how this whole thing was going to end. but now, as he looked at eddie’s bandaged cheek and the hopeful smile on his face, richie made a promise to himself. he promised himself that he wouldn’t let anything else hurt eddie while they were here. they were going kill IT, and finally end this nightmare once and for all.

richie just hoped they would be able to pull it off.

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

can we talk about how the dialogue in episodes 3 and 4 and the way that we see Izzy and Blackbeard interact in episode 3 implies that Ed doesn’t really get out much and relies on Izzy to filter most of his interactions with other people and Izzy manipulates that to his advantage just all the fuckin time. Like I might be misreading this but they don’t really show us Blackbeard interacting with Fang and Ivan ever really, despite the fact that they’ve presumably been sailing together for some time. And Ed sorta vibing telling ghost stories is the most open and available they’ve ever seen him, despite Ed being pretty open and available generally even when Stede’s not around which makes me think that until Ed and Izzy started fighting, Ed was letting Izzy do a lot of his social interacting for him. And we only see him do this for one episode (episode 3) and in that Episode, Izzy manipulates the way that Ed is perceiving the situation at every possible opportunity. By failing to tell Stede who his boss is so that he’ll get Stede to say something stupid that he can bring back to Ed and by telling Ed unequivocally that Stede knew who he was despite this. He also lies about his own behavior and Ed seems to just take his word for it. He says “I’ve massaged this crew when they were worried about your judgement” but the only time we see him responding to a crew member worried about Ed’s judgement is when Fang asks why they have to follow Stede and Izzy’s response is “How should I know, the man’s half insane. No one asked you to fucking think” which is exactly the opposite of what he says he’s doing.

Ed also seems to think that he needs Izzy. When Izzy tries to leave at the end of episode 4 Ed says all the things he knows will make him stay. At the beginning of Episode 7 Ed is ready to leave the revenge, and I think it’s because Izzy is no longer around. Episode 9 the first thing he does, even after Izzy’s betrayal, when he gets back on the revenge, is save Izzy and reinstate him as first mate. Even after the move with Calico Jack, even after selling him out to the British and then using him as a bargaining chip (Izzy didn’t buy Ed’s freedom in exchange for Stede, he bought Ed. Ed was turned over into the custody of captain Hands by the British which I do think is probably an important distinction) After all of that, Ed still puts Izzy in a position where he can control how the crew sees Ed, how Ed sees what’s going on on the ship, and who Ed talks to.

All of this of course culminates in Izzy being able to completely flip Ed’s emotional state in just one conversation. He basically breaks Ed’s spirit when Ed was honestly doing so well recovering from one of the most intense heartbreaks of his life. Every time Izzy hurls his verbal abuse at Ed, Ed either compartmentalizes and distances himself (”That’s Blackbeard, I’m Stede, remember?”) or he is violently reactive (”Chose you’re next words wisely, dog”) It’s fight or flight, and no one else has that reaction to Izzy’s verbal abuse. Lucius doesn’t give a fuck, Stede matches his energy. Like Izzy’s not a scary character, everyone but Ed treats him like an angry chihuahua when being insulted by him and yet he put’s Ed into survival mode with a word.

I also think it bares mentioning that as soon as Izzy looses his control over Ed he responds by doing something that could kill Ed (i.e. selling him out to the Brits.) He’s going to get back control by any means necessary.

I think what I’m saying is that Izzy is Ed’s abuser, and a lot of people just didn’t notice that because Ed has power over Izzy in that Ed is the captain and Izzy is the first mate, and because the show depicts Ed enacting physical violence on Izzy (i.e. punching him, choking him, and feeding him his own toe). Traditionally when you see an abuser and their victim in media the victim doesn’t enact violence unless it’s in the context of getting rid of the abuser for good and freeing themself, but Ed does it in the context of succumbing to the abuse, which I find fascinating. This show is really good at depicting complicated and messy relationships, and I think Ed and Izzy might be one of the most complicated and messy that there is. It depicts an abuse that isn’t a helpless woman and a domineering man and it flew over some people’s heads but I can’t think of another reason for Ed to behave the way he does around Izzy. And once you see it you feel dumb for not seeing it because Izzy really pulls out all the stops short of hitting him. He gaslights Ed, he manipulates Ed, he isolates Ed from his community, he yells at him, he threatens him, he forces Ed to walk a tightrope and if Ed doesn’t stick exactly to Izzy’s expectations of him he actively tries to do Ed harm. And It’s effective, even when Ed should kick Izzy to the curb he doesn’t because he’s fully convinced he can’t live without Izzy.

[lgbtqasacrew]

Can I request an OFMD post-S2 AU Steddyhands fanfic where Izzy survived Ricky's bullet but it is uncertain for a while if he is going to make it or not and Stede and Ed are practically glued to his side, refusing to leave him in case he... neither of them dares to even think that word?

Summary: Izzy survives the gunshot wound but ends up unconscious, whilst Ed and Stede stay by his bedside they realise that they might both be in love the man.

Relationships: established Stede x Ed, Pre-steddyhands

Word count: 1.7k+

Warnings: Descriptions of injury, hand wavey pirate medical care, mentions of violence

Ed gently lowers Izzy onto the deck, it hits him, how close they are to the place where he almost died. Almost being the word he clings onto, because Izzy isn’t going anywhere either. He holds the man close as he drifts in and out of consciousness. “Stay with me Iz, you’ve gotta stay with me” tears rolling down his cheek.

Stede goes into full panic mode, running around the ship collecting anything that could help. He’s almost scared to return to the deck, scared of what he might find, what if Izzy - no, he’s going to be fine. He has to be fine, he’s one of the strongest men Stede has ever met.

He runs back to the deck, just in case time is running out. Ed is still holding him, Izzy’s eyes are closed and he dreads the worst. “Is he?”

Ed shakes his head “He’s still breathing, just” relief floods over him.

Stede tosses the medical supplies to the side and crouches down beside the two men. He takes Izzy’s hand in his, it feels so cold.

“Ok, you both need to move now” Roach tells them. “I can’t help him with you in the way” he adds when they don’t move.

“Come on love” Stede reluctantly releases Izzy’s hand to take Ed’s instead.

Neither man moves far, huddled together as they watch Roach do everything he can. They barely notice the rest of the crew who are crowded around behind them, too caught up in their own distress.

Ed’s squeezing Stede’s hand so hard it hurts but he can’t even find it in himself to mind, in fact it’s quite nice to have the distraction. Izzy looks so pale laid out on the deck, it breaks his heart. They were finally starting to build a friendship, or what Stede had hoped was becoming a friendship, he was becoming quite fond of the man.

Eventually Roach manages to stem the bleeding before he wraps the bandages. It’s all he can do, now it’s just a waiting game. Ed carries him carefully to the captain’s cabin, gently lowering him onto the bed, wanting him to have the most comfortable bed for his recovery.

Stede leaves the deck with a promise to the crew that he will keep them updated, before he closes the door to the cabin behind him. Leaving the three of them alone, he hovers by the door, too scared to see Izzy like that again. It takes all his courage to finally approach the bed.

Ed has pulled up a chair next to the bed, he looks so dejected it breaks Stede’s heart all over again. It suddenly hits him, the similarity of the situation he’d found himself in only days ago. The way he’d sat next to Ed’s bedside when he thought the man to be dead. How he thought he’d never see Ed again, and now history was repeating itself. Why had it taken Izzy getting shot to make him realise how much care he has for the man.

He tries to keep his tears silent, not wanting to add to Ed’s distress, but he can’t help the sob that tears through his throat. Izzy lying there so still, he should be walking around with his unicorn leg tapping against the floor, teasing him about curses or how bad he is swinging on a rope.

Ed’s head immediately snaps up in Stede’s direction, the man just stood there, tears streaming down his face. He rushes over to him, embracing the blonde in his arms. “Shh, it’s okay, love. He’s going to be okay”

He holds Stede until the sobs subside, gently reassuring the man as he rubs soothing circles into his back. Eventually Stede pulls away, wiping the remaining tears out of his eyes with the back of his hand. “I’m sorry, Ed. I’m being selfish, Izzy needs you right now”

“Hey, none of that okay? I love you, if you’re upset then I want to comfort you, just like you’re comforting me. C’mon, love” guiding Stede back to the bed where he climbs in between Izzy and the windows. Ed takes his seat in the chair by the bed, immediately taking Izzy’s hand again whilst Stede takes the other.

Ed’s fingers trace over the callouses on Izzy’s skin, every one a reminder of his years of work and dedication, most of which were right by Ed’s side. Two twenty somethings fighting side by side, dreaming of bigger, better. Now look at them, one almost dead and one back from the dead. How their relationship had gotten muddled over the years, friends, companions in some way, first mate and captain. Both holding some sort of love for the other but never being able to define or voice it. But he can now, too little too late, he thinks. His love for Izzy is big and real and so different to the way he loves Stede but not any less important or beautiful.

“This is all my fault” Ed whispers

Stede can’t quite believe what he’s hearing. “What?”

“I took his fuckin’ leg Stede, and Ricky used that against him, and now he might-“ he couldn’t even finish that sentence. The time of the Kraken is still such a blur to Ed but he has flashes of memory, pushing Izzy against a wall, taking his toes, shooting him in the leg. They’ll haunt him forever, even more so if Izzy doesn’t make it. He hates how they could never communicate right, always using the other in some way or another, now he may never get to fix that.

“Ed no, what happened with Izzy’s leg was a terrible incident, but he forgave you. He wouldn’t want you blaming yourself. Anyway if anyone’s to blame, it’s me”

“Stede-“

“It was all my idea, even when it was pointed out to me that this was a suicide mission I still insisted it went ahead” He’d thought it such a great idea, dangerous, but if executed well he’d felt it could really work. Got too caught up in the theatrics and the fancy outfits, but had he seriously considered the risk it could put his crew in. Yes they’re pirates, but he’s their captain, a captain should protect their crew, Should protect the ones they love.

“Yeah but we chose to go along with it, it was a good idea Stede, we knew the risks. If I’m not allowed to blame myself. you’re not allowed to either, okay?”

“Fine” Stede relents. Both men still feeling guilty on the inside, but they needed to concentrate on Izzy right now.

A day goes by, Izzy still unconscious, neither man has left his side. Only eating or drinking when Roach brings them something whilst he checks on Izzy. The only sleep either of them have is when they pass out with exhaustion, they couldn’t bear it if anything happened whilst they were asleep.

Sometimes they talk, sometimes they just stare at Izzy, willing him to wake up, it never works. Stede’s mind drifts to the first time they’d met, they’d been so bitchy to each other, but he realises now that he’d kinda enjoyed it. Since he’s returned that bitchiness has still been there but it felt different, almost friendly, almost like two lovers. Because he does, doesn’t he, he’s somehow fallen in love with Izzy Hands and that thought thrills and scares him in equal measures.

Another day passes much the same, Ed’s notices a shift in Stede, maybe he’s noticed that Ed’s feelings for Izzy aren’t just platonic. He’s going to have to do that talking things through thing he isn’t he. “Stede?”

“Yes love?”

“There’s something I need to tell you but it doesn’t change how I feel about you, okay?”

“That’s quite ominous darling, I guess you better tell me”

“I think I’m in love with Izzy, actually I know I am, for the first time in my life it’s finally obvious. But I also love you so so much, and I don’t know what to do”

“I think I do too”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I know he doesn’t like me like that, but I really do”

“What now?”

“I don’t know” Stede admits “but we’ll work it out and I want you to know, I would never stop the two of you from being together”

By the third day they’re both totally exhausted and confused, all these newly realised feelings making the whole situation even more complicated.

“Do you think he’s in the gravy basket?” Ed asks at some point, remembering his own time there.

Stede smiles slightly for the first time since the accident, remembering Ed’s story of MerStede. “I think he might be, do you think he’ll see merpeople too?”

Ed laughs “I think that was more my thing, but if he is there, I hope he sees whatever he needs to bring him back”

Izzy is in fact in the gravy basket. If you had asked past Izzy what he thought he’d see if he ever went to the gravy basket, well firstly he would’ve told you that such a thing didn’t exist. But if it did exist, he’d say he’d see Blackbeard asking him to come back and fight with him, as first mate Israel Hands but also as his partner. But that’s not what present Izzy needs to see, he doesn’t need Blackbeard, he needs Edward, his Eddie. But even more surprising, he needs to see Bonnet - Stede, he needs to see the two men he loves most in this world. It only took him almost dying to realise that, whilst he always knew he had love for Edward, it’s a massive shock that he also feels the same way about Stede, or maybe it’s not so surprising after all. Maybe it had always meant to be that way, there’s only one way to find out.

They’re both taken out of their thoughts by a sharp intake of breath, looking down to see Izzy with his eyes wide open. “Eddie” he rasps

“I’m here Iz, I’m here” immediately grabbing his hand

Stede tries to not feel upset, of course he’d want Ed, they’ve known each other for years, they’re in love. but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. “Stede?” He’s almost so lost in his self pity that he doesn’t register that Izzy’s not only asking for him, but that’s he’s called him Stede”

He takes Izzy’s other hand in his “I’m here Izzy”

[izzysillyhandsy]

Izzy has love for Ed. Ed has love for Izzy.

Ed loved Izzy as best he could. Izzy loved Ed as best he could.

And it wasn't only not good enough, in the end it was actively bad, a destructive, unhealthy, co-dependent love for both of them.

But!

We don't know when and how it started (Izzy's "all my life" implies a very long time) and what happened between them in the years and years they spent together. We don't know if there were good, happy times once. Or at least content and/or exciting ones. What we do know is how important Ed is to Izzy, and vice versa. They built their whole lives around each other.

Yes, their relationship was (at least in the end, maybe always) damaging to both of them, to put it lightly. But I think they didn't know it could be any other way and painfully held onto each other 'cause this is as good as it gets - at least we don't fuck each other over. At least this one person will never leave me. If we go down, we go down fighting side by side. And if we live another day, there's this one person I can trust to help me survive.

And then Stede comes along. And shows both of them this radical new concept - a soft and sweet kind of love, affection, enjoying each other's company in a light, sunny way. Just having fun, nothing life-and-death about it! Two people immediately getting each other, talking, laughing, being comfortable. Ed immediately falls for it and is the happiest he's ever been. For Izzy it takes a while, and it has to trickle down and be filtered through the crew for him to accept it (also his armour had to be cracked by the Kraken to make even that possible).

For Ed (and also, to an extent, for Izzy) this is the first time in their life they got a taste of a healthy relationship - it can also be like this?

This is only the start of it of course. Love unfortunately isn't that easy. But Ed will get there with Stede, and Izzy will get there (and faster than any of us thought judging by his character development in the first 3 episodes alone).

But...

Edward Teach and Israel Hands, old married couple, best friends, mentor and pupil?, captain and first mate, maybe (ex-)lovers, probably not, their worst enemies, the perfect team, two very troubled men, taking each other down to the brink of death. Obviously theirs wasn't a healthy relationship! But that doesn't mean that their love for each other is worth less and shouldn't have happened. It also doesn't mean that the way forward is to stop that love (as if that was so easy).

This show is all about learning to love in a healthy, mature, non-destructive way - be it romantic love, friendship, the love of (found) family or (most importantly) self-love.

I'm absolutely certain both Eddie and Iz will get there in the end, not us-two-against-the world, not as a romantic couple. But each in their own way and, hopefully, still remaining loosely bound to each other by mutal hard earned respect and love. That's all I hope for for them <3.

[anangelwhodidntfall]

Polly: Eddie Munson

Stranger Things Masterlist 

word count: 700

Request:  Reader and eddie have been friends for years but are now dating and after making out in eddies room reader explains that she can't go any further than that because something happened in her past and she can't make herself do that even though she does love eddie. Reader is upset and insecure thinking that he might get weirded out and leave her. Eddie is obviously really nice about it and reassures her that he knows she loves him and he loves her and he doesn't care if she doesn't ever want to sleep with him because he'll still love her and be loyal to her regardless.

A/N: This request hit a little too close to home for me, made me think of this song

You and Eddie had been friends for as long as you could remember which was surprised you considering he was a year older than you and you for certain that he would ditch you once he got to high school but once you started he welcomed you back with open arms and was excited that you two were able to spend more time together. Well around your sophomore year something traumatic happened to you while you were visiting family in California making you never want to be around another man again Eddie knew something was up and you came back more jumpy and guarded but he never pressured you to tell him figuring you would tell him when you were ready and even now as you two were dating he still let you tell him on your own terms.  

You two had been in his room making out to Prince when you felt the cold contrast of his rings on your skin slowly slide under your shirt and you so badly wanted to let him continue and go further but all it was doing was bringing up traumatic memories from that night when you were assaulted on the way home.

"Baby....baby... I need to stop." You said on the verge of tears which Eddie noticed immediately and pulled away.

"I'm sorry if I got carried away and made you uncomfortable." He said making your heartbreak.

"No....No! It's not you Eds I promise.....It's just that something happened to me." You said quietly as he reached for your hand.

"Baby you don't have to tell me if you are not ready to." He said softly.

"No, I want to...I kept it quiet from you for almost two years now. Um in sophomore year when I went to see my cousins in California... I was assaulted....sexually...while walking back to my cousins' house that's why I ended up coming back early and that's why I was so jumpy because I was so scared that every man apart from you was going to hurt me and even now two years later I still can't allow a man no matter how much I trust him to go further than making out." You said as the tears slide down your face.

Eddie had known something had happened to you when you came back but he never imagined that it was something like that...but it makes sense now and he hated that you had to go through that alone or experience it at all. While Eddie was processing what you told him, you were worried that he was going to leave you like so many of your other dates had done before when you stopped them at making out.

"I understand if you want to leave or don't want to be with me anymore." You said making Eddie snap his head up towards you.

"Not getting rid of me that easy sweetheart. First off I want to say thank you for sharing that with me and also to say how strong you are for going through that and still surviving. I also want you to know that I love you for you and not your body so that means if we never sleep together then I will still love you the same way and will always be by your side no matter what." He said cupping your face.

"You mean that?" You asked him searching his eyes for any hint of lying.

"With my whole soul, I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember and I'm not going to let some prick take that away from me, because I love you and I know you love me as well and that's all we need. The sex is just a bonus." He said making you smile.

"I love you Eddie." You said placing a kiss on his lips.

"I love you more sweetheart." He said placing a bunch of kisses all over your face and making you giggle before placing one on your lips.

[waitineedaname]

thought I should collect my vague fma/mp100 thoughts here to make it easier to have them all in one place !

basic plot/character stuff

ed and al are both talented young psychics who got their powers when they were pretty young. ed got his powers around the time their dad (a CRAZY powerful psychic) left, and al got his shortly after their mom died :(

they thought they could use their powers to bring their mom back as a spirit, but it went. very bad. instead, an evil spirit took advantage of them and started fucking Eating Their Life Forces. al freaked out and astral projected out of panic, but his entire body was consumed so now he's. stuck like that. ed managed to exorcise the spirit, but not until after his arm and leg are devoured too

their motivation is to get rid of evil spirits that take advantage of people and hurt them like this, which is what takes them to roy mustang's door

roy mustang is a fake psychic pretending to have pyrokinesis (he just has a flamethrower behind his desk) because I think that's funny. he's running an exorcism business like spirits and such, except he has a larger crew -- mostly his friends he can call up to do odd jobs for him, like fixing the leaky pipes that make noises that make people think their house is haunted or whatever. he's also the only exorcism business that's willing to hire a teenager, so that's how the elrics end up working for him

in addition to mustang's crew of non-psychics, he also has hughes, who is tragically a ghost. there is definitely some tragic back story here that I'm still working on hashing out, but they've kind of come to terms about it now. he still haunts his family, who know he's there, and he agrees to help out mustang with Actual Spirit Issues when the elrics are unavailable

the elrics' quest to deal with manipulative evil spirits leads them to encounter the sins, who are all very powerful evil spirits. one of the first ones they deal with is greed, who they mostly exorcise, but he manages to just barely survive, dimple style. he's looking for ways to bring himself back up to full power

enter: ling yao, recently awakened psychic who is also looking for ways to become more powerful. he keeps over-exerting his psychic powers and exhausting himself, which is how the elrics come across him mostly unconscious. he's very excited to meet another esper, but he makes the mistake of asking why al doesn't possess ed, since he knows that can enhance someone's psychic powers. the elrics are both Very Sensitive about that kind of topic and tell him to fuck Right Off

bad idea, because then he goes and finds a spirit of his own. both he and greed approach their mutually beneficial consensual possession situation for self-serving reasons. both of them look at each other and think "yeah I can definitely manipulate this guy into making me more powerful" [fast forward a couple months to when they've become Extremely attached to each other] oopsies

lan fan is a telepath. ling did not know this, so he tried to act soooo normal about being possessed around her. that didn't work for long, jackass! she got so fucking angry with him when she heard a literal devil on his shoulder, and even though ling stopped her from destroying greed, that evil spirit is on THIN ICE.

scar's family was killed in a psychic terrorist incident (think kimblee if he was part of claw). he's one of those really late bloomer espers -- it wasn't until this traumatic event that his psychic powers awoke, and he hates them because of the link to the event. now he's on his vengeance based quest, going after psychics that abuse their powers

things I'm still working out the details for

mustang was involved in some high profile fuck-up. kind of like separation arc reigen except uhhh people Died. hughes was likely one of those people. no one has enough proof to outright prove he did it, but he is definitely linked to the event, especially because he was a pretty public psychic figure at the time. in reality, it was the fault of the sins, but it's harder to find evidence when it was evil spirits doing it

olivier + the rest of briggs are an anti-psychic terrorism government agency (kinda like joseph) and initially scar is one of their targets, but they end up recruiting him bc they have a common goal

eventually scar starts working at spirits and such (olivier's assignment so he can keep an eye on mustang) but he fucking hates it. oh my god I cannot emphasize how much he hates it. imagine reigen serizawa and mob at spirits and such except none of them can stand each other. that's mustang, scar, and ed having to work together.

mei is also a psychic! she kind of latches onto both scar and alphonse (separately) because she needs some help killing someone. they have very different reactions to this.

the someone she's trying to kill is father, a super powerful psychic who's been orchestrating much of the psychic terrorism, as well as directing the sins. he's like if toichiro had a specialty for spirit wrangling like matsuo

miscellaneous au details

ed and al's auras (and al's spirit form) are mostly gold, ed's leaning more coppery and al's more of a green-gold. ed's kind of has the look of fire crackling around him. ling's aura is a blend of red and purple and has a kind of watercolor/bruise look. it's more vibrant and has more purple when greed is possessing him. mei's is mostly pink with some red.

mob psycho spirits range from completely abstract to mostly humanoid and frequently have multiple forms in between. hughes looks mostly humanoid most of the time, but can go simplified and silly when gushing about his family. al has a more powerful form that looks like the full suit of armor but he doesn't like using it very often, so most of the time he's a long blob that's just kind of armor shaped (like when the armor is simplified for silly moments). greed at full power looked like the ultimate shield, after being weakened he looks more like a dimple-like blob that resembles the face in ling's mindscape. when possessing ling and both of them are using their powers, ling gets lines on his face like on the ultimate shield (like dimple's cheek spots!)

other spirits: pride looks how you'd expect. horrible shadow spirit. envy bodysnatches a lot. wrath has been possessing a politician for Literal Decades. it's no good. I'm not sure about the other sins

people's feelings on possession range from the elrics (Fuck No), to hughes and mustang (if necessary to get a job done), to greedling (they like it like this actually)

the rockbells aren't psychics but they live kinda adjacent to the psychic world bc theyre family friends with the elrics + hohenheim, so they know more than most about psychic powers

[oddsconvert]

Shattered #6 - Waking Nightmare

Previous / Masterlist / Next

CW: Whumpee thinks Caretaker is new Whumper, Vampire Caretaker, Reference to vampire whumper/previous abuse/captivity, Bloodbag Whumpee, Recovery/Rescue, Fear of death, Denial, Paranoia, conditioned whumpe (I think!), Drugs/Medication, Loss of speech, hypnosis/mind control

Taglist: @octopus-reactivated @whatwasmyprevioususername  @ramadiiiisme  @darkthingshappen  @whumpsday  @thecyrulik  @t0rture-me  @redwhump  @keep-beach-city-werid  @snowstuffscuff  @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump  @wolfeyedwitch  @interdimensional-chaos  @no-terms-and-conditions-apply  @whump-blog  @leyswhumpdump @not-a-space-alien  @onlybadendings  @darlingwhump @sparrowsage  @flynnswhumpprompts @whumpcereal @wolves-and-winters @ashh-ed @idkmansomeusername @whuarri @33-sdtr-45 @pigeonwhumps @canislycaon24 @the-whumpers-grimm @endlesscyclezz @predacon-skydrift @morning-star-whump (please let me know if I've missed you or if you'd like to be added!)

-

Pain. 

That was the only thing Declan understood when his thoughts sprung back to life, wading through the empty, cloudy abyss of his mind. Nothing else seemed to make any sense in that moment.

How…can I feel that?

He shouldn’t know that he’s in excruciating pain, he shouldn’t be able to think or even feel. It… it just wasn’t possible. 

It’s been so long; like eternities have passed, lifetimes lived since he was last able to hear the sound of his own voice reverberate deep in his own mind. It didn’t even sound like his own anymore, it sounded so strange and so far away. But it was coming back to him slowly, and that voice was so scared.

Feeling. Declan thought he’d miss it; he remembers how terrified he felt the day when all the sensation began to drain from his body, when his consciousness started floating away from reach and he knew he was slipping under, to never wake. All the kicking and screaming, the desperate fighting to stay in control and to survive, it all fell short in the end. He was always fighting a losing battle, doomed from the very second he first locked eyes with the vampire in his own home.

Although, it’d also be a downright lie to say there wasn’t a sense of relief when he felt the persuasion finally win, taking over and stealing his last bout of strength. There’d be no more fear, blissfully unaware of the horrors being inflicted upon him, of the things his body was forced to do and yet helpless to resist.

But he couldn’t bring himself to miss feeling; not when it was like this. Agony ripping its way through every fibre of his being. Feeling so drained and weak, in this moment he could just let go and give in - allow himself to fall back under the sweet lull of unconsciousness and leave it up to fate’s decision of whether to pull him back. Afterall there can be nothing good awaiting him when he wakes. There never is.

Declan knows that’s the wrong decision, and so he fights against himself to sluggishly force open his eyes. Thick eyelashes flutter across his vision as he rapidly blinks away from the sudden onslaught of blinding light.

A thick haze covers his eyes but he knows one thing for certain and the thought sends waves of  crashing panic through his already fatigued body. 

He’s not down in Vince’s basement. The chafing shackle that’s normally clamped to his ankle, rubbing the skin red, raw and bloody isn’t there, although the tender ache still lingers. There’s warmth for once, violent shivers don't trickle down his skin - in fact, he can feel a comforting pressure weigh on top of him and if he wasn’t so used to deprivation and cruelty, he could swear that he remembers… and he recognises it as the sensation of a blanket. 

All that doesn’t distract from how broken beyond belief, and how mangled his body feels. A weak groaning cry slips out and he shuffles in discomfort, but all his muscles feel like a mixture of lead and fire. Even his sore throat seems to close up after the miniscule noise it’s able to make. 

Minutes pass, and the nauseating wave of vision seems to settle slightly, his eyes dart around the strange bedroom he finds himself in. This isn’t even Vince’s house let alone the basement. Where the fuck is he?! Where has Vince taken him?! His breath quickens into hyperventilations, fogging up the weird domed mask strapped to his face. With slow, pained movements, he rips it off and hurls it towards the ground. 

Fight or flight kicks in and he's picking flight. Not a chance is he sticking around and playing ‘good little blood-bag’ this time. It's a miracle that he's awake and alert again, he'd be a fool not to use it to his advantage to run.

Once Declan’s eyes land on the myriad of needles injected into him, connected to numerous IV stands, monitors beeping by his bedside - he freaks. There’s no stopping the falling of petrified tears that stream down as he begins ripping at all the tubes, snatching them out from his hand and arms. He doesn’t want to know what Vince is pumping into his veins, something to keep him weak and subdued, something to kill him? It’s probably something to make him taste nicer, he imagines. That's the sort of sick shit his captor would pull.

But one yank of the needles is a pull too hard, and one of the IV stands topples to the ground with a mighty thud. Declan’s life flashes before his eyes, letting out a shuddery fear-filled cry.

There’s not a chance in hell that whoever is here with him in this house didn’t hear the bang. Vince was probably storming his way up the stairs now to compel and force him out the bed and whip seven shades of hell into him. Vince can’t do that to him, he’s too weak, way too fragile. 

It’s a race against the clock, Declan has to push past all the hurt and get out of his new prison as soon as possible. Whilst he’s not restrained, whilst he’s not under persuasion, and whilst it’s still daylight. It’s the perfect once in a lifetime opportunity - he can escape.

Declan’s head rumbles with a tremendous thunderclap headache striking against his skull, a deafening screech rings against his ears. He slams his palms over the side of ear and lets out a weak screech whilst the room spins around him - he just wants it to stop.

After casting one more panicked glance around, he freezes in place when the creak of the door comes to his ears. Someone is entering the room, his heart thuds to a stop in his chest. When his eyes connect with the harrowing crimson one’s that glimmer with excitement. 

He wishes he’d never come back to life.

It’s not Vince standing in the doorway. It’s a vampire, it’s fang-filled overjoyed smile beams at him but it’s a stranger. 

A blood-curdling sound of a hoarse, howling scream ripples through the room, wailing in unbridled fear, frantically scrambling back up the bed despite his body protesting in agony.

So many questions spin around in his mind. Who is holding him captive? Where the hell is Vince? Did Vince…give him away?

He never thought he’d say this but he wants Vince, he needs him. He’s familiarity.  The creature begins to stalk towards him but Declan lets out a horrified gasp and folds over under the blankets and burrows his forehead deep into the mattress, screeching into the fabric. He can’t look. This cannot be real, please don’t let it be real.

He can’t do this. Another vampire? A-Another master? Maybe he did something bad, misbehaved and Vince got rid of him. He’d tried so hard to be good, he didn’t want to go through this all over again.

August takes gentle steps forward, shaking the elated smile from his face. He doesn’t mean to spook the boy. It’s just… he can’t believe he’s actually awake - aware. It’s a miracle, they actually did it.

“Declan, please. I won’t hurt-”

August can’t even finish his sentence before another petrified sob roars out at the mere sound of his voice, Declan’s fists weakly clench the bed sheet, bundled material in his palm, his entire body is shaking like a leaf. He curls his legs up, in and towards his chest, a perfect balled shape of terror. Declan keeps his eyes screwed shut, praying that when he re-opens them he’ll wake up and be back in the basement, on his filthy mattress. Hopping from one nightmare to the next but at least he was familiar with his old nightmare, it was his normal. He knew the monster lurking with it, he didn’t know this monster stood before him. Nor did he want to.

There’s no forcing this, August knows he risks only traumatising the poor thing if he pushes this any further. It’s like a stake to the heart knowing how much he’s fought for Declan to be awake, here and now and yet in this moment, he’s the one thing that terrifies the boy the most. 

“Hey, hey! Listen, it’s okay! I’ll go…I’m going to leave now, okay? But I’m going to send my friend Lucas in here to talk to you…he’s a human”.

Declan doesn’t show any sign that he’s even heard the vampire's soft words of reassurance, he’s too lost in the hysteric choking sobs and vicious trembling to even hear the light patter of feet exit the room, and another set re-enter. 

When Lucas comes in, Declan hasn’t moved an inch, he’s still hidden under the covers and softly crying to himself. This isn’t how it was supposed to go, he was supposed to be happy and feel safe. Lucas had never seen such fear in his life, the boy looks like he’ll die of shock at any moment.

“Hey, Declan. There’s no reason to be frightened. No-one’s going to hurt you.”

Declan won’t uncoil from his ball but his crying does seem to settle down, he begins listening intently. No-one will hurt him because they don’t need to, they can just force him to do whatever they want. He won’t fall for their lies. 

“August; the vampire who came in here before, he really won’t hurt you, you know? If it weren’t for him, you wouldn’t be here today, you’d be six feet under”. Declan whimpers and recoils at that statement, tears silently tracking down his cheeks. He felt like he’d slow danced with death and lived to tell the tale. He hated feeling so exhausted and weak, that’s how he always felt whenever Vince fed from him.

He won’t thank his captors for saving him for their own purposes. If anything that was cruel of them.

“He only wants to help you. You’ve been through hell and back. He’s been nursing you back to health, helping you recover and sitting by your bedside every waking moment. Please would you give him the chance? Hear him out? He can explain everything”.

Declan’s head pops up from over the blanket, eyes full of suspicion and terror. He performs a weak nod and buries his head back under. 

Lucas tries to figure out a way to comfort him, to give him an out if he gets spooked.

“Hey. Do you reckon you’ve got another scream in you?”

Declan’s eyes grow wide, his fingers clench the blanket and he shuffles back, huffing panicked breaths.

“Oh shit, no. That was poor wording, I’m sorry- What I mean is… if it gets too much, if he scares you or does anything you don’t like; scream. Like you did before. I’ll come immediately and drag him out, okay? Do you think you can do that?” Lucas wants to hit himself, he can tell he just triggered Declan and set off horrific memories.

Declan sits and ponders for a moment. As though he’s cautious as to whether to trust but also calculating whether he can even  manage another scream. He surrenders, weakly nodding in agreement. 

“Deal. If you scream, he goes - no questions asked. He will never hurt you - he won’t do a single thing you don’t want, he just wants to help”, Lucas beams a warm smile before leaving and seeing the vampire back in once again.

Declan thought he’d be ready to see the creature walk back in, but it still shakes him to the core. The breaths pause in his lungs and he freezes in place, cowering behind the blanket. But August doesn’t approach him this time, and doesn't come anywhere near the bed. He perches midway on the floor, sits crossed-legged and leaves a good amount of distance between them.

“Is here okay?”.

Declan peeks over the blanket, giving a short, timid nod of his head and he weakly perches himself up on the bed as much as he can, grimacing and whimpering with every slight movement.

“I thought I’d give you a bit of a rundown on what’s happened; your situation”. 

Declan swallows the lump of nerves with a gulp. He knows what's coming, he knows he’s about to be told that he now belongs to this bloodsucker and he’s entirely at his mercy. Must be at his beck and call. He’s been through this before.

“Vince-” 

“V-Vin..ce-” Declan’s face pales, as he cuts August off with his croaking words…his first words. They’re raspy and it burns with every letter. He hasn’t used his voice in so long, his vocal chords are shot - he can’t even talk. August can see the nauseating panic at the mention of his tormentor's name.

August stands, walking over to a dresser by the window and rummaging through the drawers and pulling out a notebook and pen. He takes it over towards Declan, not oblivious to the way he tenses and tries to shimmy away but he holds out the items for the human to take.

“Can you read and write?”.

Declan nearly bursts into tears again at the question. He feels so pathetic and useless, he used to be so bright, educated, a whole life laid out before him. He could go somewhere in life and make something of himself. Now he was just a prisoner, tossed between vampire owners. Suffering and unable to even string together a few words. There’s no way to even beg for mercy or for his freedom.

But he can’t even express all those woes. So he shallowly nods and accepts the handbook with trembling hands when August hands it over.

He wants the old Declan back. The person he was before he was taken. He misses him so much, and he knows who he is now is worlds apart from the Declan before. But there’s no way to go back, undo all the damage. He knows all he can do is push forward with this new, broken version.

“If you ever want to talk, ask for anything or ask a question then just write it on there, okay?” August’s voice is so softly spoken, but he can tell it’s doing nothing in the way of calming him down.

Declan sniffles, wiping at his nose and begins flicking through all the empty pages of the notebook and nodding again. It’s so obvious that Declan wants to speak, ask a million questions but it just hurts too much to only let out rasping breaths of words.

“What if I help you? With your voice? We can work on vocal exercises and language therapies, try and rework those synapses that have probably been fried, hey? We’ll get you talking again, I promise.”

Declan bites his lips, and pops the cap off the pen beginning to scribble into the notebook. The first thing he writes:

Where is Vince?

“Not here. Far away. Never getting near you again, never hurting you again. To put it simply; you’re free, Declan”.

His lip quivers, tears filling up in his eyes but he’s so confused and so conflicted that he doesn’t know what to believe.

“F…F-ree?”, the word seems so foreign and heavy, weighing a ton as it rolls off his tongue. He wants to scramble all the letters up and shove them back in his mouth, knowing it’d be stupid to let himself fall into the trap - the false lure of safety. Those beady red eyes staring at him are a reminder that he can’t trust a word the vile monster says. It’s all just a sick mind game to make him compliant.

“You’re not a prisoner within my household. Your only purpose within my home is to recover and heal. That’s all I ask of you. Vince sold you to me, in fact, he probably assumes you’re dead by now. He will not come looking”.

Wait… Vince sold him? 

What had he done? Wasn’t he good enough? Maybe he stopped tasting nice, and August bought him cheap for the nasty tasting blood. His new master. Oh god, this must all be a trick, Vince is in on it or even given him away for training or a test! 

His new master is teaching him how to be a better bloodbag. But Vince will come back for him, he knows that deep in his heart. The vampire had told him he’d always find him no matter where he was. 

“I’m a doctor, some call it veterinarian..."

Because they think of you as animals - he daren't add on to that.

"I saw the advertisement and I - I couldn’t just let you go to some ravenous vampire to drain you dead. I bought you so I could save you”.

Of course, it all makes sense now. Declan must have fallen ill, his blood must have tasted awful. His master has sent him away to patch him up so he’ll taste delicious when he next feeds. He knew there was something coming, he knew there was a catch and this place couldn’t be trusted. He sees through the delusion.

It doesn’t matter what words come out of August’s mouth now, Declan won’t hear a word of it. His mind is set in that his new master is manipulating him, it’s all a lie. 

-

Thankfully, August had left Declan for the remainder of the day, said to get some rest and wrap his head around his rescue. He had very nearly let out a wheezing scoff at that but fought to bite it back, to avoid punishment.

He had tried to get some sleep but all he could do was cocoon himself in the blankets and stare lost at the walls, feeling so numb and tired. He couldn’t mediate the best approach in his mind; he knew he had to be good to avoid more pain but at the same time he was terrified out of his wits. He just wanted to go home.

Lucas broke him out of his spiralling train of thoughts when he barged through the bedroom door with a tray of food, making Declan jump with a panicked yelp. 

“You don’t know how relieving it is to bring this up to you! Beats the syringe, for sure!” Lucas elates as he slams the steaming food down onto his lap. Declan pulls a befuddled face.

“Aah, don’t worry about it-” Lucas brushes the comment off.

Declan ignores his food and immediately reaches for his notebook, quickly scribbling and holding it up towards him.

Are you his prisoner?

Lucas sits in deep thought for a moment. There’s no point confusing the already petrified boy, delving into the pair's friendship and history. He flashes a consoling smile.

“No. Just a friend”.

Declan’s eyes light up with hope. Like all the stars have aligned and the gods are finally granting him what was his dying wish. He rips the page free and crumples it in his fist, throwing it to the side of the bed, urgently writing his new message.

Please help me escape

Lucas’ heart breaks into a million pieces. He’s still not getting it, he won’t listen to them.

“Declan, I - you’re not a prisoner… there’s nothing to escape from. Nothing to be scared of. He’s helping you, you’re very sick.” 

The flicker of hope in his eyes is vacuumed from his soul, leaving only the cold realisation and fear. Declan doesn’t listen, he cries, frantically shaking his head. He circles the word ‘please’ over and over until the page becomes awash with black spirals and squiggles, the paper ripping apart under the pressure of the pen and Lucas puts a hand on top of Declan’s to stop him, hushing his growing sobs.

“You’re safe here. I swear to you. No-one will ever hurt you, you’ll never have to do anything you don’t want to do ever again.”

“H- H..ome…” Declan cries out desperately.

“I know, bud… I know. You will go home, I promise. But in good time. You need to heal.”

“Nnnn!”

Declan tries to climb out of the bed, throwing the covers off of him and sending the plate of food flying and smashing to the ground. His muscles fail him, he crumples weightlessly to the floor. August rushes into the room at the sound of the thud, speeding over to help Lucas lift him back into the bed by his arms but they have to do so against a weakling thrashing Declan, who’s growing hysterical and inconsolable. Screaming and groaning in protest.

He thinks he’s going to be punished. The vampire just caught him trying to leave, trying to escape. He’s going to be compelled to remain paralysed in the bed and then he’ll be helpless and unable to leave. They’re keeping him weak so he can’t fight back. But if his new master feeds on him whilst he’s so fragile, he’ll kill him. 

Whilst August drags Declan into bed, Declan manages to slip out and crumbles to his knees on the floor and crooks his head to the side, trying to trap the rocketing sobs. He silently prays that August will only take a little bit to tide him by. The fear clouds his every thought and he doesn’t want to do this but he knows it's what the bloodsucker wants from him.

He feels so pathetic - so useless, and weak - he can't even beg or make requests to August.

Just don't take too much, sir.

Please be gentle.

Don’t kill me, I beg.

“Declan, no! I - I don’t want that from you, stop that!”, August clamoured in horror, the boy either in confusion or from terror, was offering to be fed from. He hadn’t listened to a word either of them had said, or rather he had listened, and he couldn’t bring himself to believe and trust his rescuers.

Declan lets out a gut-wrenching wail. There’s something seriously wrong with him. Vince has sold him, and his new master doesn’t even want to feed from him. 

So useless and so broken.

This is the end of the line.

-

[felixcloud6288]

Fullmetal Alchemist Chapter 103

I was wondering where Black Hayate was.

If you think about it, Roy got off pretty easy compared to everyone else who ever opened the portal. It only took Roy's ability to see, it didn't even take his eyes. Meanwhile, Pride's body is falling apart and he's lost almost all of his powers.

My head-canon about Truth is it is semi-omniscient. It's similar to the concept of the Monad in ancient Greek Philosophy. It is a being the represents the totality of all things. Truth is One, All, the World, the Universe, and You. So it should be aware of everything happening and know how things will conclude.

Father called the Truth an "Arbiter of Order" who "puts men in their place", but Truth is just a little thing in a flask that stole power to get where it is.

So I think the Truth wasn't really punishing Roy. It's really setting up Father to suffer his own punishment. And to do that, Truth took the barest minimum from Roy to make him a usable piece in Father's plan.

But at the same time it wants Roy, who has previously been blind with rage and blind to the feelings of those around him, to learn a lesson to be a better person.

Ed and Al made these platforms to set up an air-to-ground attack.

For Ed, the most effective way to set up a fast-moving dive attack is to build up height by jumping off his slanted platforms which will help him keep his momentum.

For Al, he's too big and heavy to do something like that. So he just builds steps and runs along them to gain height. He can just let his weight and gravity provide the force of his dive.

Wrath likely knows he won't live to the end of the day. At this point, he's fulfilled all his necessary obligations to Father. King Bradley has fallen in battle. He is free to do what he wants. And he wants to go out fighting a grand fight.

Wrath has no ideals. Everything in his life has been driven by someone else's design. But in a fight to the death, no divide or ideals matter. Everyone fighting to the death is just trying to survive. Perhaps that's why he's so excited to have this fight.

Until a few months ago, Scar also had no ideals to himself. He had abandoned his name, his religion, and everything he valued so he could live a life bent on revenge.

But now he lives to bring about change in Amestris. And he chose to embrace the culmination in his brother's research as part of that ideal.

I mentioned I'd talk about Scar's tattoos way back in chapter 16, and this is probably the best time to give my thoughts on it.

The two tattoos together have "TERRA", "AER", "IGNIS", and "AQUA" written across them. So the tattoos use the four elements of earth, air, fire, and water.

The twin snakes are likely representative of the Caduceus, the staff that Hermes carried. The staff would later be the basis for the symbol for Mercury which represents the spirit.

The staff itself is associated with trade and commerce, which ideally is an reciprocal exchange.

In modern days, the Caduceus is sometimes mistaken for the Rod of Asclepius which depicts a single snake wrapping around a rod (And might be partial inspiration for the symbol Ed, Al, and Izumi have on them). The Rod of Asclepius represents medicine.

But moving on, I think the most interesting part of the tattoo is how the left and right arms are inversions of each other. The left arm is entirely in white while the right is black. And the patterns are upside down from each other as well.

And since there's a sort of arrow pattern along them, it makes me envision a flow concept. Scar's alchemy uses Xingese Purification Arts which channel energy from the pulse of the earth. So I imagine the two arms combined are supposed to channel that energy through the user. Maybe it's something like energy flows out of the right arm to induce destruction and then that energy flows back into the left arm to induce creation. And since Scar only had the right arm, he could add energy to break things apart, but couldn't channel it back to create.

One thing that's especially interesting is Scar's Alchemy doesn't use a circle. Every Alchemist either has a tool with a circle or has a circle tattooed to their hands, but Scar does neither. I was thinking at one point that maybe the act of channeling between both arms might act as the circle, but Scar could use destruction Alchemy without the right arm while Ed has to clap his hands to perform it.

It seems like Scar's brother figured out some entirely new way to perform Alchemy.

And one little pointless note. Scar's tattoos have the letters A, V, E, and H under TERRA, AER, IGNIS, and AQUA respectively. I have no idea what, if anything, they mean. The only thing that popped to mind was those are letters for 4 of the 20 essential amino acids needed to build proteins, but that seems far too separate from everything.

back

[proxis-shattered-expectations]

Since you did the horseman, alright to ask on how Ulthane, Samael, Lilith and an angel charater of your choice would feel to the Nephillim reader? Please.

Oof, quite a bit of conflicting views and beliefs there. Never wrote about these guys before so lemme see what I got

Ulthane

. The Old one has surely been around since the first creation of the Nephilim race, probably present during the war for Eden as well.

. And so to see a young Nephilim survivor centuries after the fact, oh boy.

. Nothing can really surprise this maker, but after being around Humanity, I'm sure he even he is open to the possibility.

. Nonetheless, still quite surprised to come across one that isn't the Horsemen.

. Mind you beside his tussle with War, Ulthane never really had any bones to pick with the Horseman in general. In fact he was more than willing to help Fury so long as she helped him. He was quite welcoming in fact.

. If the Nephilim is not aggressive or shows any intent to do harm, I'd like to think Ulthane would take the same stance as he did when first meeting Fury.

. Except maybe a little less confrontational and would want to show that he means them no harm. He can only imagine what the Survivor had to go through just to be there, and so being antagonistic would do more harm then good.

. Besides, he seems to have a soft spot for wee young ones. Guaranteed he would try to help them if they gave him the chance.

Samael

. While he had no direct involvement with the creation of the Nephilim, you bet he is quite invested in seeing what Lilith's experiments would end up evolving to.

. More than likely to see if he could possibly use them as a pawn in his schemes. He was more than willing to recruit Strife and War during Genesis, just to unveil what Lucifer's plans were. And had no qualms with manipulating War so that he could get his power back during his imprisonment.

. While he has no love for the Angel/Demon Abominations, nor for The Horseman initially acting as the charred councils enforcers, even he can respect the potential that is there.

. Encountering a young Nephilim Survivor would be quite amusing to him. So amusing that he would not consider them a threat, they're young and thus pose no danger to his plans.

. So long as the young Nephilim keeps it that way, Samael would leave them alone, unless they prove themselves to be useful, then might take a chance and try to sway them to his side. Better to be safe than sorry after all.

. Samael has lived long enough to know which ones to keep as enemies, and to keep as potential allies if the need arises. He's a demon not a fool. Always one step ahead for the most part, as long as they don't try to play Hero.

Lilith

. Everybody knows how desperate Lilith was to try and get Death to resurrect the Nephilim, and that Lucifer personally tasked her with manipulating behind the scenes to make it happen. Her failure was met with an excruciating punishment.

. The sheer possibility of another Nephilim surviving that isn't within the fold of the Charred Council is something Lilith would immediately pounce on.

. No matter if the young Survivor holds any animosity towards her or not, she would 100% turn the charm up too 1,000 just to make sure they are on her side.

. The only advice is that no matter the affiliation of the Survivor, proceed with caution. Lilith would do just about anything to secure one of her creations (Bi-product or pure Nephilim)

. An initial first meeting would include all the Temptations and false Promises she can muster. Treating them like her own child to try and get their guard down. Promising them whatever their innermost desire so to keep their invested interest. Perhaps even swearing to help get revenge on those that had wronged them.

. All manipulation of course, but like I said, Lilith is the conniving temptress that will do anything to achieve her master's bidding.

(Angel of my Choosing)

Azrael

. He most certainly has been there during the war for Eden, and first hand witnessed the execution of the Nephilim race.

. And so to come across a young Nephilim Survivor would make even this Angel shocked.

. The only Nephilim he has had any tense alliances with are the Horsemen, the very ones who carried out the act. And so the Angel is understandably wary of where they came from or how they even survived. Probably would think it's a trap from Lilith.

. But upon closer inspection, might tone it down a bit.

. Azrael is not the type of angel to condemn beings based on the sins of the other members, and quite frankly is one of the more forgiving and understanding.

. In all honesty Azrael is the best angel to ever first come across as a survivor of a war faring race. At least is the more amicable of Heaven's inhabitants.

. Is more than likely to hear them out, and offer an olive branch to show hospitality and build an alliance not based on fear or the misunderstanding of ones origin. They cannot help being the mix of angel and demon, and so Azrael would not persecute them.

Thanks for the ask!