#I think it’s bc so many people irl have made me feel shitty about my illness

[crybaby-bkg]

why do I always get so embarrassed when I think about writing for a chronically ill reader omfg

and for the longest time, I never liked reading fics where the reader was said to do explicit things that I can’t, or have to measure first, or consult with my doctor about it beforehand. but now? I love being able to step out of my body, be able to smoke, drink white liquor with no carbs in my belly, eat a midnight snack without too much thought about it. but I also just want to write about things I can’t do, and still being loved all the while.

[cannot-copia]

just applied for the job i had during college and honestly it feels bad man

everyone I know is actually accomplishing things with their life, buying property, getting promotions, getting their masters etc

fuck, even my cousin who is several years younger than me and has very little to no college (aka doesn’t have student loan debt) just got a management position at a fortune 100 company and is now making more than 60k

And where am I now?

Couldn’t do my job at the big company I was supposed to work at, where I had insurance and got paid enough to actually pay for things

all I do now is feeding horses and basically just putting them in different places 4 hours a day 6 days a week for less than what I made ever since I started working and living off that and what’s left of what I had accumulated in my 401k at my old job (that im gonna have to pay thousands of taxes on for taking it out too early im sure) and therefore fucking myself over for the future- everyone always says start young well I did and I’m too fucking useless to function without wanting to remove my skin apparently so I fucked that up

And yeah it was just an online application so I don’t know how likely it is they’ll even respond and hire me again but I feel like I am going backwards

I did what everybody always insisted I had to do

i went to college

i got a “real” (office) job

i got more than 25k student loan debt I have not been able to make even a dent in

and what do i have to show for it? even worse mental illness? A piece of paper that said i went to college? Crippling fear of answering a phone? an extreme hate for the way I look now?

and now im (at least attempting) to go back to where I was before all that bc that’s the only place i can think of will hire me, to a job I did not enjoy whatsoever, where I am going to have to explain to the high schoolers that would be working closing shift that I will have to do after the morning job like yeah i left here 3 years ago for a competitive job that paid twice as much at one of the (apparently voted) best employers in the city that everyone wants to work for but I threw it all away bc im a useless fucking idiot and now I’m back here working fast food watching all these people who will go to school and get the jobs they want and not fuck it up and actually be successful and move on with their lives

it just,,, it doesn’t feel good

i feel like I’ll never get anywhere so what’s even the point

[sayitwityachest]

y'all i hate looking the way i do sm eheheh l

[totally-not-here-for-the-smut]

How do you feel about Asrian? And Nadia x Lucio?

Well well, this blog was born for the main purpose of smut so it's not like I'll leave out some juicy juicy occasions for it. Asrian has a lot of drama potential (bc YES, their relationship is fucking mental, but hey, tragedy is the mother of all the good stories) and the Nadia x Lucio got me thinking about Vesuvian geopolitics because I couldn't wrap my head around their marriage. (Please mind that I didn't finish nadia and Lucio's route, I might change my mind about it).

Eventually, my HC is that Nadia herself arranged the marriage with Lucio for some political reasons. This is not weird, since Vesuvia seems to have a big economic power, and given how many people of different ethnicities are there it's probably in a strategic point, like in a geographic crossroads. Basically, it's vital to control it's place. Our countess realized that the ruler, Lucio, was an idiot so made her best to ensure that such an important point was under control. Yeah yeah, I know it's mentioned on the story that she was drunk when she accepted the proposal, but I feel like the whole thing was some kind of plot of hers to convince Lucio that it was his own idea. Or, at least, I like my version, and since this is my playgroud I'll believe it :D

About the Asrian, I think that wether it's liked or not it's important to recognise how harmful such a situation is. They're bot desperate and strained to their limit when they meet, and end up together in the crazy hope to soothe their pain. Julian is clearly looking for some real intimacy, or for a way to replace MC's love (it's implied that the two were close before MC's death) and Asra would do anything to run away from their pain (this is a common pattern for Asra), even though he clearly is torn by it and takes it out on Julian (why? Jealousy? Disruptive behaviour? Generic hate for the world?).

They get entangled in a messy hate/need situation they both use as a unhealthy coping mechanism. Eventually, it ruins their friendship, to the point that Asra doesn't move a finger to defend Julian when Nadia thinks he's a murderer.

I like the idea of them rebuilding a better relationship, maybe even a romantic one, after the good endings. I'm a sucker for redemption arcs and for seeing fictional people throw sweat and tears and blood into an apparent lost cause. I think that it has some symbolic beauty.

When all it's said and done, all this dynamics make for a wonderful tragic story... but for a shitty situation irl. Soooo yeah, it's all fun and games here, but I've been through stuff like that and it's boring and frustating. Precious years of my life and sanity of my mind I'll never get back. So Asrian is like horror movies, war novels, dark stories and greek tragedies. Lovely to read and write, but in reality they sucks and are to be avoided at all costs. Since there's lots of younger people here, I think it's worth to remember it sometimes.

[plainemmanem]

ugh pls cause ur so right

greasy steve is so grody and i just know I’d have the hots for him irl

euuuuu im imagining him absolute dragging some girl along who has a mindset of “I can fix him” and he can see it from a mile away. He lets her think she’s getting away with it, letting her fuss over his clothes and buy him different shampoos and conditioners and gets closer and closer to her until she finally lets him hit and BOOM her ass is ghosted

She thought she’d be different from all his other hoes 🤭 sorry girl

He’s 100% a pump and dump. His “walk of shame” after leaving a girls apartment is barely different from his “I woke up ten minutes ago” walk to Taco Bell for his morning baja blast because he’s always greasy and rumpled despite where he was or where he’s going.

He’s got major chin acne. That’s not even important I just like. Feel it in my Heart.

He’s such a perv too? Some girl at a party shows interest and if she’s wearing a skirt he’s unashamed in sticking a hand between her thighs and fingering her, no matter if they’ve made it to a private room. Multiple times (countless tbh) he’s fingered a girl in an open hallway, pressing kisses down her neck as she whined his name and pawed at his hand, squealing abt people seeing them

(He’s got a thing for it tho. Total exhibitionist and voyeur. Like 1000% gets off on being watched or watching others. His “my eyes only” on snap is entirely just him fucking other girls. It’s ridiculous.)

He’s the type of guy to have an apartment with a mattress on the floor, a ps4, a tv, and a plastic lounge chair. His fridge has ketchup, mustard, hot dogs, and beer. He has one plate and one fork. He is NASTY. But somehow manages to be the hottest guy around and gets so many girls all the time he’s irresistible because despite the GRIME he’s charismatic and flirty and sweeps ladies off their feet like a pro

And I want him 😐 I NEED him

did you even think about the effect this would have on me before sending it in. did you even CONSIDER it. kay i’m not sleeping tonight ig

the BAJA BLAST OH- i also see him having his morning cigarette and diet coke as he scrolls through tinder out on his little studio balcony in those fucking flannel pajama pants and a grey sleep shirt that hugs his biceps and no socks on.......

he can cook (barely) but he NEVER gets food for his apartment because he never has people over for dinner (he always goes out or when he brings girls home theyre not exactly staying for dinner) so he only gets like bread and butter and cheese for a grilled cheese or peanut butter and jelly or he always just gets takeout or pizza or something if hes not going out to a bar that night.

he is such a manipulator like the type to shower a girl in compliments and take her out on a date and schmooze her and then she'll stay the night at his place and then he'll pull the "oh shit, i'm so sorry, but i forgot i have a meeting this morning at work:( so im gonna have to kick you out :( ill call you though" and he'll completely ghost her for the next month until she gets the hint. someone will ask him the next day "oh how rebecca?" and he's like "who???" and theyre like "steve. the girl you brought back to your place last night????" and he has NO recollection of her . hes like "what was she wearing????" bc hes gross

i feel he has this one particular shitty ex from like high school that hes so toxic with like she will call him and fight with him on the phone over nothing or he'll get really drunk one night and call her and tell her how much he misses her and how he fucked up to bad breaking up with her and then she'll come over and theyll sleep together and in the morning he's such an asshole to her and they get into this huge blowup before having hate sex and he kicks her out.. just to call her again like week later when he's bored

he LOVES doing shit in public because hes crazy. like youll be at a mixer or something (and first of all, hes way too underdressed, but he still looks so hot like how) and he'll pull you over into a quite hallway and start mauling your neck and whispering little compliments to you and youre melting in his arms because is so .... hot... and then youre making out for a few minutes and his hand starts creeping his hand up your inner thigh and youre like "steve- wha-" and he just kisses you so hard to shut you up and hes sinking his fingers into you and whispering against your neck "hey hey relax you need this, itll be so quick" and youre just gripping onto him as he keeps moaning into your ear and fingering you in the OPEN HALLWAY and he makes you cum SO fast and then hes dragging you to the bathroom to fuck you properly with a hand clamped over your mouth and he doesnt even take his pants off all the way, theyre just around his ankles hngggggh

and he watches the GRIMIEST porn too and hes definitely had a threesome before and he LOVES telling the story to friends because hes an asshole and YET, AND YET, he still gets so much play because hes so hot and confident in the filthiest way possible. he quite literally goes home with a new girl every night. hes sick and hes twisted and i wanna put him in my mouth

[josephtrohman]

your cat dog person analogy is soooo true

sorry to go off rn but those m cr fans are just soooo bitter for no fucking reason. they think their morals have to align with their music tastes and find any sort of way to find any sort of dirt on other bands they don’t enjoy. example i constantly see callout posts for band guys that usually overlap with similar fans and music with m cr. look i know band guys can suck and obviously they shouldn’t be praised like saints, but these out of nowhere callouts for band dudes i see are always from m cr accounts. are you actually wanting to call out shitty behavior or do you just want points for being high and moral because youre the fan of the most unproblematic feminist anti capitalist band who’s never done anything wrong?

they always pick and choose on who’s worthy enough to even be liked on some level of m cr example i remember seeing posts about how the savior m cr were the only ones there for paramore 😫🥹 they are just so cool like that!! no other bands were there for paramore 😞

they act like they are the underdogs and how nobody understands them, but i constantly see several thousand notes about how cool the band is on my dash every so often

they will always call other bands cringe or saying they never understood the assignment with their newer stuff or how they were just never on their level of punk rock in the first place. i seen people say m cr has always made consistently good music unlike those other bands who are pop sell outs but bitch your band hasn’t put anything new out in a decade how tf do u know 💀

sorry to go off, but god damn it’s just music, stop, whatever happened to the emo trinity, you all use to love that, what happened

thank you bestie!!!! NEVER be sorry for going off i am always here for it!!! especially when it’s well thought out like this. cuz a lot of my opinions UNFORTUNATELY boil down to “mcr fans annoying” (OBVIOUSLY not including my moderate mcrtuals!!!). im putting the rest of my response under the cut cuz i also popped off but a tldr is: u are the best and i love u.

i absolutely agree with everything you had to say here tho…like why do these people act this way. like babes your guys are embarrassing sometimes too or whatever. we all saw frank having an overpriced garage sale of his trash or whatever recently. not really anti-capitalistic to me sounds like!! that’s crazy about the thing you said about paramore tho cuz it’s like. what does that even mean to be a saviour of paramore????? as if they need saving?????? that doesn’t sit right with me for SURE to imply that 😡

sooooo real about the underdogs comment cuz like. i think that mcr feels like the most popular of the “emo trinity” of times past. it’s not like i know this for a fact but i don’t know anyone else irl that is into fob that i HAVENT specifically got them into them!!! whereas i feel like i have so many friends who are into mcr but had never listened to fob until i sent them my playlists. and also another piece of info that backs it up is i’ve gone to 4 emo nights in the last year, and the reception of when they play the black parade vs like…sugar we’re going down is like a BIG difference. except for maybe the specific fob edition, the crowd i would say is duller during sugar like 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄. also like i think you can tell by the dynamics on tumblr too, i feel like there’s like 20 fob girlies and every other bitch is an mcr fan here. we’re outnumbered like CRAZY. and the amount of times i’ve seen people be like “if mcr ain’t your fave from the emo trinity = 🚩” but people NEVER say that about fob. i think i had another example but lost my train of thought bc people are talking around me LMFAO

ALSO THAT SECOND LAST PARAGRAPH LMFAOOOO GET THEIR ASS!!!!!! literally it’s not that deep, it’s music, i get spicy bc i’m frustrated with fob being treated this way from people fob fans are allegedly supposed to be “making out with” or whatever. like i know i’m insane about my four men but they are like INSAAANE about their four men and it’s not in a cute way. as i always say, mcr and fob as bands respect each other and i GUARANTEE the mcr guys wouldn’t want fob to be treated the way these crusty ass mcr mainies treat them. god.

this was rambly, i have no idea if any of this was smart or good, but my main takeaway is to say THANK YOU FOR THIS!!!!!!! and i always appreciate the support ofc bc i’m worried i’m going to be eaten alive by the mcr fans bc they have a history of eviscerating us.

[calliettes-posts]

okay so contrary to what many fans feel like (even me for the longest time), i'm actually starting to feel quite okay with the door thing being dragged out. solely bc we are watching teenagers in real time. It was anaïs' first ever crime and she was stuck between two of the people she loves most. i wouldn't have known what to do either at that age. I honestly feel like it's really realistic that she walked around with it for that long. okay granted, im still pissed at some of the writing choices, bc they made Bobbie loose all of her well roundedness as a character and im still pissed af they added that SA storyline. and the fact that it's again the black girl that has to take everyone into consideration. like pls how much shit did they throw on her this season? (maybe bv we called ada's season a snoozefest?? idk?) but i'm really feeling okay with everyting. between a&b too. They've reconciled and honestly there's still a lot they have to figure out, but i'm fine with that being something we'll see snippets of in the next season. i'm trying to channel my inner 16 yo. If i would have gone through the same shit they've encountered i wouldn't be where they are. they are actually willing to listen and grow!! we've seen this in bobbie and their friends! i'm actually so done with the narrative that everyone is shitty to anaïs. they're only just starting to navigate their way into adulthood. they've been noticing shit! shit man i was a depressed fuck going out with fake ID's and at one point i fell in love with a girl while still dating another. but still hella insecure and i was pretty bad at making friends irl so i spent most of my time on here. my life was freaking messy too. as a viewer it's easy to want shit resolved or see progression sooner bc it's more entertaining to watch. but i feel like they've done a great job taking in consideration we are watching them in real time. (if we forget how shitty the wtfock team is with their social media, i'm begging again, hire one of us pls). idk i'm just really happy to see this kind of representation in an original season. let's not forget we all loved sobbe, zoenne and like in other countries the other remakes bc it was tried and tested!! Imo wtfock had really redeemed itself after ada's season and they've taken notes from druck and skam france. good notes. end of rant.

That's actually a very interesting take, I haven't thought about it this way tbh. I think my biggest problem was that they added dramatic plots and dragged them out, just to resolve them in 1 minute clips, like why was there so much build up just for it not to matter in the end? And with the door plot, my biggest issue was that we saw the same conversation over and over again, but tbf, like you said, it kind of makes sense for Anais to act this way, i just wish theyd put more emphasis on her dilemma, if that makes sense, and if we had more social media, maybe I would've felt differently Also I felt like they put too much importance on Hanne and Bobbie instead of Anais, the actual main, because we had lots of plot lunes for her established in the first season, just to abandon in the 2nd half, and quickly resolve them last minute, and let's not even talk about the sa plot, that was so unnecessary

Tbh, I also think Anais season is way better than Adas, especially the first half of the season, it was more entertaining to watch, and the plotlines were all connected with eachother

[singingninja4]

very long and kind of emotional word vomit post under the cut

tl;dr - I love BCS and this fandom community and I'm really not ready to say goodbye to the story and the characters

I shared a post earlier saying that a piece of media has never affected me as much as better call saul. last night I wept. I felt sick to my stomach, and my heart ached so much I couldn’t sleep. I’ve been hyperfixated on shows and movies before, but I’ve never had such a strong visceral reaction. in some of my other fandoms, I’ve cried—uncontrollably sobbed even—when a favorite character died or something else tragic occurred. like when tony stark died in endgame I ugly cried during the last 30 mins of the movie. I spent 10 years loving that character but then when I left the theater, I was able to go about my day. I was a little down for a few hours, and I certainly continued to grieve the character, but I was functional.

I’ve been contemplating all day why this show, better call saul, has ingrained itself into my being more so than any other show. one reason may be the amount of time I’ve spent with this universe and these characters. I didn’t watch brba from the very beginning—I started while season 3 was airing—but I’ve been with this universe for 12 years!! but I’ve been with other fandoms for just as long if not longer. another reason is definitely the quality of the show. across the board, with acting, writing, directing, music, cinematography, sound, costumes, literally every department is at the top of their game producing some of the best quality television to ever exist. no one is doing it like gilligould and co. NO ONE. but that’s not the only reason. I’ve watched other shows and movies that are of similar quality. Avatar the Last Airbender is and probably will forever be one of the greatest animated shows to ever air imo and for a lot of the same reasons. and yeah, atla holds a special place in my heart and I cry every time I watch certain scenes, but I don’t feel debilitating physical pain from it.

but after reflecting on it all day, what sets BCS apart from all of my other hyperfixations is the timing of it all. as I said, I’ve been a devout fan of the brba universe since around 2010, but my hyperfixation hit a whole new level in march 2020 when the pandemic hit and the first lockdown occurred. this was a very dark time in my life, as I know it was for many others. suddenly being totally isolated, scared about our health and our future, and for those of us in the usa, the fear and anger about our political landscape was traumatizing. I turned to tv and other media to fill some of the voids in my life, bcs and brba being the main shows I turned to for comfort. tbh I think that bcs being there for me during such a traumatizing and lonely time just stitched the characters even deeper into my heart.

another thing that sets it apart, is that this is the first time I have ever made friends through fandom/online spaces. I’ve been on tumblr for about 11-12 years, but until spring of 2020, I never really interacted with other people in fandom spaces. I was always a little detached, simply reblogging things I liked. as I’m sure we all were during the beginning of the pandemic, I was in desperate need of social interaction, and so I started to branch out a little bit in online fandom spaces like tumblr and ao3. then in november 2020 my family and I came down with severe covid. like my mom had to be hospitalized (she’s fine now) and I should have been but wasn’t because of my age and the number of beds in the hospital. during this time a lot of my irl “friends” showed their true colors. even though they knew we were sick hardly any of my friends checked in on me and my family. fortunately, we had other people besides my shitty “friends” to rely on to take care of us. anyway, I lost a lot of friends during that time, and so I dove even deeper into cultivating my friendships online as well as the few irl friends who stuck by my side.

I’ve made some fantastic friends over the last 2 years in the bcs fandom. some of y’all know me better in some ways than several of my irl friends.  the bonding that I have shared with y’all as we waited for season 6—the watch parties on tutturu (aka hyperbeam), the unhinged blogging, discord server inside jokes, fic writing and reading, song covers, voice chats, memeing and so many more interactions both about BCS and outside of it—all of these experiences continued to weave the bcs universe, its characters, and this fandom community into my soul.

last night’s episode was the end of an era, the beginning of the end. and the break-up between kim and jimmy, though inevitable, was devastating. I am utterly heart broken and am having trouble rising up out of how depressed I am about it. I never anticipated that I would be so emotionally invested in these wonderful characters that I would feel physically ill at the thought of their separation. I love this show so so much and it has gotten me through some very dark times, and I feel absolutely sick thinking about it ending. but I’ve realized it’s because I associate these characters and story that I love so much with all the wonderful people I’ve met here. y'all truly helped me through those dark times as well.

I am really not ready to say goodbye to this story and these characters. and I know it’s a silly thought, but I also think that the episode subconsciously triggered a fear that when the show ends, so will the lovely community I’ve made over the last 2 years (I’ve got some abandonment issues, but I won’t go into that here). I really hope that is not the case, and I’m going to try my damnedest to keep in touch with y’all even if the fandom dies down because this community truly means so much to me. 

anyway, I don’t really know where I was going with this…I don't think I articulated anything very well and I’m just kind of rambling at this point 😅 but I really just needed to write down my thoughts to process all these feelings I’ve been having all day. and also just wanted to tell y’all how much this fandom means to me 💖

edit:

thought I should clarify that even though I'm devastated by their break up, I'm anxious and excited for journey these characters are going to take us on in the final few episodes...even if I'm not ready for it to end yet 💖

[blackbird-brewster]

hi! random thoughts u never asked for time. i feel like… SO violently connected to emily prentiss it’s crazy. do u ever have like so many feelings for a character u have to get them out bc same last night i literally got my journal out and wrote a like 2 page character study of her. idk what it is but i just……. i feel like we r the same idek. her trauamatized past made me be like damn girl… same! idek if this is coherent but i just think she’s neat and i personally often forget how far she’s come in all aspects since she came on the show. so seeing her so accomplished and cool and sexy on s16 is just so fucking cool to me, idk!!! she makes me so happy.

-tjj :)

I 100% understand this in my soul. So here's a bit about my history with this Exact Thing.

When I first got into the CM fandom on tumblr in 2014 (I'd been watching the show since the beginning but only started finding other CM people on here in 2014), I was going through the period of my life that I refer to as The Dark Ages. My mental health was at an all-time low, I was in and out of hospital, it was a Bad Time. My life was falling apart around me and tumblr/CM/writing fic became my coping mechanism. During that period, I also 'imprinted' (for lack of a better word?) on Emily and I remember spending most of my therapy sessions talking about Emily Prentiss and how in love with her I was. Like I didn't even care about dating irl bc I was madly in love with this fictional woman and I knew no one irl would ever be as amazing as Emily, so what was the point? Yanno? I have SO SO SO much writing about Emily's background and character studies and headcanons and obviously SO much fic. So I TOTALLY understand what you're saying!! I felt really sort of embarrassed about it at the time? I knew it sounded absurd to say I was quite literally in love with a fictional character (in a romantic way). It would take many more years until I was diagnosed as Autistic. And now I am like 'Oh that was Big Autism Hours' and I am no longer ashamed of how much I am romantically in love with Emily/JJ/Tara. (Also prior to my current partner, I usually had partners who'd say me being attracted to fictional women was like some type of 'cheating' soooooo that made me feel like shit and it turns out I'm autistic and those ex's were all just really SHITTY people and that should have been a red flag, but I digress) The point is: FUCK YES!!!! BE IN LOVE WITH EMILY!!! SHES AMAZING!!! I LOVE THAT FOR YOU!!!!!

[lovedeathalice]

all you gotta do bae is block them. don’t respond to them cuz it only adds gas to the fire. whether you use it as a coping mechanism or not, it’s nobody’s fucking business in the first place. they’re acting like eren yeager is an actual person but he’s not. He as well as ALL fanfics are made up. you’re doing the most you can by adding warnings, tagging the fic and adding a ‘keep reading’ tab with it. It’s not your fault that they choose to ignore warnings. It’s there for a reason.

Another note, nobody is glorifying rape. If you read a non con fanfic and think “hmm, well if it’s like this scenario, I would let it slide” then you should either seek therapy or you’re not old enough to be reading about topics like this. To know that some people think that we think rape is okay is absolutely absurd. We obviously know the fucking difference and would never want that to happen to us irl nor would we wish it upon anyone. And the fact that people are wishing it or implying it is truly appalling.

If dark content bothers you, filter out the tags and block those creators so you NEVER have to come across dark content. We won’t get offended, if you’re uncomfortable with it, it’s all good. I also don’t understand why people are getting mad that we’re calling it dark fanfics? What, do you want us to call it “Eren fluff” or some stupid shit like that?

Point is, nobody is gonna stop writing what they want just because you don’t like it. It may be helping someone mentally. If you were SA and therapy worked for u, congradu-fucking-lations but everyone is different. Tumblr as well as AO3 have nothing in the guidelines that say writing dark content isn’t allowed. Especially cuz Eren’s a fucking anime character lolzz.

Sorry for the long message, it’s just so infuriating to see the entitlement of some people. I hope you’re doing okay and don’t let this get to your head. Just block em and they’ll have nothing to bitch about. You can also block an anonymous sender so their ask never reach you.

Love ya, sweet❣️

Tw: SA & rape mention below the cut, & long ass rant

YES YES, EXACTLY EVERY SINGLE THING YOU SAID HERE!!!!!!

I always ignore them best I can, but at that point i literally just lashed out because saying i WANT to be SA'd??? Like are you fucking serious???

I see SO many ppl, aka antis, in every single fandom treating SA as some kind of right & requirement to write noncon & it's insane.

It's a fantasy. As simple as that. It's common, and I sure as hell DON'T want it to happen to me IRL, at ALL. So getting occasional hate wishing that on me is just so mind boggling & disgusting. Like how u gonna get mad at me for what I write then proceed to be a shit human being in the next sentence🤦🏻‍♀️

At the end of the day, this is all FICTION!! Eren Jaeger is not a real man. He's fake. He won't jump out the screen & say "Hey guys I'm uncomfy with being in dark fics😢"💀 LMFAO

And exactly, I literally tag everything, put warnings, and put everything below the cut! I do my part, so do yours by avoiding my fics if you dislike them!!

Being uncomfortable with what I write is understandable, but when you harass me over it, it definitely isn't.

Plus people who write dark content do not always need therapy. Fanfics for me are an outlet. It's as simple as that.

And please don't be sorry for the long message! THANK YOU for sending it!! It really helps me and makes me feel better after getting shitty hate🥺💞 Thank you sm for sending this in, it means so much to me💞

Also i need to know how to block anons?!??! Bc holy shit that would solve all my tumblr problems

[donttakeitsopersonal]

Seeing internet drama like… match up or I suppose mirror the subplot of a webcomic I’m reading is so so fascinating. I mean it’s like drama that we’ve seen a bazillion times if you’ve spent enough time in the right circles but idk seeing it playing out too with real people got me thinking again.

Waffles under cut

Ima keep it vague even tho im an absolute nobody, knowing my luck, this will breach containment and then my unorthodox new ways of thinking will ruffle feathers haha but yeah.

Essentially the comic is about the aftermath of a murder and how people are living their lives after that. One of the accomplices is free and living their life and they’re also online. People find out and bully them, someone even suggested deleting their accounts and going offline for a while, but they don’t want to. One thing that is brought up with it is everyone keeps telling them they got to take accountability, which is true. But that’s got me asking well what does that look like? Like it can really look a lot of different ways but watching irl drama play out it makes me wonder if anything will ever be good enough for people. Like I’ve even seen this same scenario play out many times and there’s usually always a vocal group who just want the guilty party to be forever guilty. Is it good enough for them to take accountability, apologize, and rectify their behavior? (I’m talking low stakes drama here not like heinous abuse lol) it just really feels like if you ever make a tiny misstep online that’s your cross to bear forever. I feel like it’s very reductive and doesn’t allow the person to grow and change, which, isn’t that what we want? For people to grow and change and better themselves? Like idk man at this point in time if you can’t show me examples of someone doing XYZ shitty thing within the last year, like yknow something recent, I really couldn’t give a flying sideways fuck. If someone said “hey I did XYZ at this time and that was fucked and shitty and I’ve worked to change myself” and they haven’t done XYZ and did work to change themself, then idk man you sound incredibly immature and like you gotta mind your own business. Like it’s perfectly fine to be like “I don’t like this person they’re icky to me” that’s fucking fine you don’t need a good reason to not like people they can just give you general ick, water and oil don’t mix and you won’t like everyone you meet. You don’t have to be a bully tho 🙄🙄

OMG lemme waffle about other silly drama I saw that’s just like oh myfuckingod you do not need to and also hey wait a minute. So this one car influencer who is a very mean girl that’s also mean to other women while trying to present as a ✨Girl’s Girl✨™️ has had this, I shit yall not, YEARS beef with this other gal. So two face (that’s what ima call her lol) years ago, like BC(before covid) times TF was doing modeling and mechanic work, wow femme model on car soooo original /s 🙃so at this point in time she was actually a ✨Girl’s Girl✨™️, or at least pretended like it well enough lol, and was friends with some other blue collar girlies. She said she’d help them start their own OFs if they wanted and one took her up on that offer. Idk what happened exactly but TF started accusing said girl that she was copying her and taking her business. And like this was all so funny to me because like this just gave me DeviantArt sparkledog furry drama circa. 2007, like legit “yOu CaNt PaInT yOuR cAr PuRpLe!!11 YoU cOpIeD!!!!2!11!” Like bro this is straight up “you copied my design because you also have stripes on your tail” like day one internet shit, get with it girl. But also this is funny too because I seen her at that time basically copy someone else’s video like cmon. So anyways that basically made their friendship implode on itself and she has since then had a vengeance on this poor girl lol so here’s the nutty part, TF will constantly say “this girl is always copying everything I do, I saw her doing XYZ” which like is kinda inconspicuous when you hear it but then it’s like wait, you say you do not like this person, you try and avoid them, so on and w/e so it’s like wait,,, HOW do you know that??🤨unless you’re checking out her page and following what she does 👀 sussy. And like the other gal she’s cool and nice, we’ll call her GG, but I NEVER see her saying SHIT about TF unless TF did something like get her page flagged or something, which I feel is normal. And like mind yall this has been going on for over the span of years. So being an outside spectator to this all I seriously think TF is projecting onto GG, at least with the “oooh you stalking my page waaah” like girl idk you the only one posting videos about someone else 👀and also I feel like TF feels like I wanna say attacked but not really, maybe more like GG makes TF feel inadequate? But like I feel like seeing GG’s journey it’s what TF have strived for, like GG was a dealer mechanic, and now has her own shop with her mans and their friend. Like TF has only ever worked at like quick lube places and I think very very briefly at a custom shop or something. Like a month or less. And while I can say TF can perform the work, she is not what I would consider a high level mechanic. Like you just realistically have not seen that many cars, you’re not going to see the normal stuff that comes into places you’re not going to have that experience. Yeah working on your own stuff gives you skills a dealer or shop won’t but there’s far more you’ll learn in a shop, and I feel like deep down she knows that and feels threatened by it. Cause like girl why the hell else would you be paying so close attention to this game that you’d clown on her miscarrying like brruuuuuhhhhh you did not have tooooooooo 🥴🥴🥴that VIDEO could’ve stayed in the drafts😶 the fact she made a video too is big YIKES. But wow yeah it’s nutty asf, reality is stranger than fiction

[caroldantops]

hey! im quite new here and i have seen a lot of talk about readers interactions and i was wondering what is the best way to support my favorite writers (like you) because i think i have been doing this wrong and i really want to support writers who do this<3 ps. sorry if that was confusing, english isnt my first language

not confusing at all babes! you're 100% clear.

also can i just say, i very much appreciate you asking this. i would much rather more people speak up and be like "hey, we dont know the best way to support our favorite writers so how can we?" other than just. Not Knowing and Not Doing Anything.

so, im going to speak from my own personal experience but also what ive seen many of my mutuals/writers i follow talk about. this might get a little long but i wanna answer as thoroughly as i can because people should know!

im putting it under a read more because it got hella long, but please i encourage everyone who reads fics but don't interact to read and consider these things.

fellow writers i encourage you to reblog and add any other commentary you think is helpful!

before anything else (this is absolutely not directed at you, anon, you're perfect), i just want to get this out of the way. never come to a writer's blog and get angry with them for complaining about lack of engagement. like jesus christ. writers are putting hours of work on tumblr for you for free. the least we ask is for comments and reblogs. that's it. if you go and act shitty towards writers who ask for more engagement, yet still follow and wait for the next fic, like what are you even doing bro. just stop.

anyway. now let's get to the actual question!

basically all writers on tumblr will agree, reblogs are vital. and i feel like that gets said a lot but maybe people dont actually understand how impactful it is so lemme give an example.

so let's say hypothetically i have 100 followers. that is 100 potential people who see a fic that i post (i say potential because timezones exist so you might not see it as it's posted)

and let's say one of my followers (Person A) reblogs it, and they have 50 followers. that's 50 more people that can read the fic.

and let's say Person B followers Person A and they also reblog it to their 50 followers.

with only two people reblogging a fic, that's already doubling the number of people who have read the fic.

now imagine Person C followers Person A and reblogs the fic, and Person C has like, 1,000 followers. that's so much more exposure for the writer.

and that's only from two followers of the writer. so imagine if all 100 that read the fic reblogged it? the numbers skyrocket at an exponential rate.

plus, more people reading means that the writer could get more people follow them. so they get a more consistent audience.

likes, on the other hand, do not guarantee this exposure. i would say that most people don't have their likes public on tumblr. and also, even if they do, i know that I'm not about to scroll through people's likes rather than scrolling thru their blogs. likes up the notes, and that's about it. of course i understand liking a fic so you can come back to it later, i do that all the time. but if I've liked a fic, i always reblog it once I've read it.

now, say you're reading hardcore smut that you might not want on your main blog for whatever reason, so that's why you don't reblog a fic. look, i get it. sometimes irl people follow your blog, or sometimes you just don't want people to know what you're getting up to. but that's why i made a sideblog specifically for fics.

this entire blog BEGAN as a way for me to reblog fics i liked. and then it grew and grew and grew into all this. not saying that you have to start writing if you do that of course, but i guarantee, i'd rather see a small sideblog blog with like 3 followers reblog my fic than a blog just like the fic and leave. because that's still 3 more people who will see my fic and possibly read it and reblog it. 3 is better than none.

comments. reblogs are important, but comments are really what keep writers writing. they inspire us with new ideas, help figure out what it is that people enjoy from us, help us improve our writing, and most importantly, they make us feel good. and like writing and posting is worth it.

now, i know that sometimes it can feel awkward reblogging with a comment directly on the post. i even usually don't do that unless it's with a friend. but here are some alternatives/tips!

send an ask or DM! if you're really intimidated, sending an anonymous message is by far the easiest way to bypass that awkwardness.

write in the tags!! i cannot express this enough. comment in the tags. ramble about the fic. just put three tags worth of screaming. literally ANY comments in the tags are my favorite thing. i promise you that writers will scroll thru like basically every tag.

also, if they post it on both tumblr and ao3, don't feel weird about giving a little comment on both! i do that all the time. you can even be like 'hey i read this on tumblr first but wanted to say again how much i enjoyed it' and that is like, heart burstingly nice to hear.

also, if you're having trouble coming up with something to say, my like top commenting tip as both a writer and a reader is point out something specific that you like about the fic. when i comment on a fic (this is moreso when i comment on ao3 bc my comments are always longer there) i try to point out a particular line i like. literally if you just copy and paste it and go 'wow i really really like this line especially' that is the number one way to a writer's heart. seriously. it's the simplest thing, but it makes SUCH an impact.

however, if your comments are only asking for more fics, then that's not a comment, that's a request (which not all writers take).

saying something like 'hey i loved this fic a lot! if you have more in store for this in the future, i'd be really excited to read it!' is a million times better than 'will you do a part 2'. i know they don't sound that different, but i promise you that the tone makes a big difference.

(i honestly have more thoughts about good ways to get over commenting fear/know what exactly to comment that doesn't feel generic, so if people would like me to make another post about it i'd do it.)

and last but not least, if the writer has a way to donate, like a ko-fi, that always is so appreciated. of course, take care of yourself first, but if you have a few bucks and wanna show some support to your faves, that's a great way to help :)

oh! also, if the writer ever reblogs those little ask game things, just send them something! engagement outside of writing is also so much appreciated.

i think that's about everything i can think of! i hope this is helpful and that my explanations weren't confusing (if i need to clarify anything let me know). and again, thank you so much for asking! even doing that shows that you're a reader who cares, and that means the world ❤

[blackberry-gingham]

ooh, def Toad!!🐸

Bless you 😭😭😭 also tagging @samatedeansbroccoli since she asked for the same character 😩

Favorite thing:

Probably his severe underdog status tbh. I am not joking when I say that literally no one genuinely likes this man or even gives him the time of day in the Marvel universe.

Which is just amplified when we consider that he's actually extremely powerful, assuming we take his toad powers to their logical and scientific conclusions and all

Least favorite thing:

Dnsjskskak the way that his creators can't settle on one design for him and so he constantly swings between "ok looking at best" to "literally the most hideous, uncanny thing you've ever seen in your life" 😭

Favorite line:

At the tail end of his run in the wolverine X-Men school comic, as he's being exiled for helping Paige do her nefarious stuff and the others are like "was it worth it" or whatever and he says

"All I did, I did for love"

Like..... Bro. Ouchie.

Especially when you consider that Toad's idea of love is kind of warped in that he is just soooo easy to take advantage of. Like, he's a willing dependent in a codependency relationship. He'll do literally anything you ask... Just as long as you at least pretend to give even a fraction of a fuck about him.

So all that to say, that while he may feel his actions are justified bc "he did it for the woman he loves" and all... That's really not even the case tbh, bc he never seemed to be truly loved by her in the first place.

But also in the invasive species mission in contest of champions during the little dialogue transmission, ronin is like "time to die, frog man" or whatever and toad is like "hey fuck you, that guys not like me, he's just a guy in a suit"

AND HES FUCKING RIGHT LMAOOOOO

Idk, not super profound or anything, but genuinely made me laugh so it deserves a spot

brOTP:

Oof, once again, Toad is another guy who doesn't really have friends lol. I'd say him and Spiderman tbh.

Two dudes who are losers irl, but also super smart and all that. They can commiserate over their girl troubles, I'm sure

OTP:

Me again, lmao. I will give him true love 😌🤲🏻

nOTP:

Probably like.... Magneto or something. Ugh, that's so foul. Just the concept hurts to type 😭

Random HC:

I'm trying to think of something I haven't said already lmao

Uuuuuh, he basically starts to fall apart once he hits middle age tbh, lol. He just wants to retire and live a normal life with his s/o after like... 43. Eating bugs starts to give him really bad heartburn and he really hates to crouch down and do that toad hop thing he's known for.

Age and dad bod weight come together for pretty shitty back pain afterwards if he does it for too long.

Unpopular opinion:

Well, there's not really many people to pitch against for me to even have a truly "unpopular opinion" tbh 😂😂😅

But I guess I'd say Todd kind of annoys me tbh. I think it's his diction style more than anything tho, so 😭 That, and it's like... I get why he's more of a popular choice in fanfictions, but also.... Idk. What about the og tho 😭😭

Song I associate:

Probably listen up by Oasis off of the very excellent The Masterplan album. One bc I just associate Liam Gallagher and his voice and image so hard with Mort, but also the mood is right and the lyrics are accurate.

That and the titular song off that same album. The Masterplan, the song, is sung by Noel, Liam's brother, but idk. I really love his voice for like.... Adult Toad.

The first is more about making up your mind to be your own man, even if it means you have to go at life on your own.

The second has a lot more to unpack tbh lmao, but basically it ties into the idea that "the plan for life is that there is no plan" and while that may sound scary, and sure it can be... But we should also realize the potential it has in that good things can happen too, even when we don't expect them.

Favorite picture:

Lmao am I wrong to post one of my drawings 😭

I'd say I'm caught between this panel of the comic, bc like.... W I D E. Plus, canon dad bod confirmed lmao

And this scene from days of future past just bc I literally died like LMAO. Even in an alternate universe, this man is forced into a crummy job. That, and the fact that a man who's poisonous enough to take out literally anyone in an actual fucking heartbeat...

Is cooking FOOD and with no gloves or anything. Like.... This is such an absolutely God tier FDA violation 😭😭

[thedeviljudges]

Do you think Yohan always planned to fake his death and join Elijah in Switzerland, or did he originally intend to really die with the rest of the 'villains'? Part of me thinks that would fit with his pre-Gaon conception of himself, as a monster, not deserving of love, not necessarily seeing a role for himself in Elijah's life beyond getting revenge for her/Isaac, and financing an opportunity to help her recovery. Or do you think regardless of that, he'd still never plan to leave her on her own?

i didn't mean to put off this ask for so long. i was busy, but i also wanted to wrap my thoughts around this before i tried answering. not bc i didn't have an answer to begin with but yohan and death is a subject i'd like to approach, but i'm not entirely sure how i'd like to make the analysis of it, and i'm not sure i ever will.

so that leaves me to answer it here in the best way i can because point blank: i do believe yohan intended to die by the end. i do think he had two plans in place since the beginning (dying or not dying and helping elijah), but of course, until that final moment, he wasn't ever going to know the truth. that end scene of him blowing up the court was a 50/50 shot. he had a plan to make it out, but it wasn't a guarantee.

but lets also back up a bit because before we get to that point, i think it's necessary to point out that the reason yohan gets away and does all of the shit that he does is because he knows that he might not make it out alive. it's why he's reckless. it's why he bends the law the way that he does. yohan's actions prove, over and over again, that he does not care for himself. he does not care to live except to protect elijah. there are so many small moments of this. we call yohan unhinged out of fun, but i think there is truth in it because i've mentioned this casually before (and part of my words above in terms of not necessarily knowing how to approach this just yet) is that yohan is almost...... suicidal himself.

he's reckless. he's said that he does not care about the actual law. his goal has always been getting revenge for his brother, especially for his niece who grew up without her parents. yohan never truly cared about the bigger picture until gaon came along. if we leave out gaon and think of the plot as such, yohan would've been able to prevail much quicker, i'd say. he had a plan and was going to follow through with it no matter what, regardless of the ending. and he knew going into it that there was a chance he wouldn't make it out alive.

which is why i think he partially also allowed elijah to blame him for her parent's death because if she hates him, it will be so much easier for her to forget him. she won't mourn him or miss him. she will be able to move on with her life and live it any which way she wants. but because yohan doesn't really understand kids, let alone elijah, what he fails to realize is that elijah doesn't actually hate her uncle. she's looking to get rid of all of the pent up hurt and frustration bc she never had an outlet to let all of that out. yohan fails to see that elijah cares for him and would miss him, to a degree, if he died.

so now, if we think of the plot with gaon, it twists everything on its head bc gaon has no need to be there within yohan's plans. yohan doesn't need gaon to do anything bc everything was already planned from the beginning. if anything, gaon came in and crashed some things, leaving yohan to pick up those pieces and continue pushing forward. biggest case in point, gaon's stubbornness and his arguments against yohan with the law and what he's doing.

see, gaon eventually comes to realize yohan's reasonings for doing what he's doing for his brother, but i feel like gaon thinks that even if that is part of yohan's plan involves revenge, how much does he think yohan is also doing this for the greater good and wanting to fix society? we know that yohan has no intention of that, but does gaon? and so no wonder gaon protests because if he thinks yohan is trying to fix a broken system (plus get revenge all in the same plot), no wonder gaon continues fighting yohan - he's under the belief that yohan is trying to make things better. but he's NOT.

which circles back to the idea that yohan had every intention of either making it out alive or dying. gaon opened his eyes that yes, maybe things could possibly be good. gaon made yohan question a lot of things along the way, especially his own humanness and realizing that he is worth something and not the monster he let himself believe he was, and what others told him he was. that wasn't part of the plan either, which is why it made it so much harder for yohan to go through with bombing the court because yohan's at a conflicting place of finally understanding gaon's hope but knowing that he only ever had revenge as an intent.

yohan's plan is derailed a bit by gaon being hope and introducing concepts yohan has lived without for so long. before then, yohan lived isolated with one clear goal in mind until gaon showed him he had a reason to live. i also said in another post that while gaon stopped yohan because he didn't want to see yohan going down a path he couldn't come back from, it was already too late at that point. yohan had already set his path long before gaon came into the picture and nothing he said or done would've changed that. but it DID given yohan more perspective and more heart, possibly being at peace even more so with dying knowing elijah would have gaon.

but instances within the show - of course, his two fake deaths. him steering gaon and himself off the road on the middle of the highway. him chasing after the minister's son. yohan asking soohyun to save gaon despite him literally bleeding out.

yohan does not care for himself. he does not care whether he lives or dies, as long as his plan is completed. we can talk til we're blue in the face about how yohan was wrong manipulating the law like he did and various other things, but the reason why? is because he did not care. and it wasn't because of him being a sociopath by any means. it was because he numbed his emotions, lied to himself, and used his love for his brother and elijah to propel him to a desired end with the possibility of his death involved. and quite frankly, that speaks volumes about who he is and just how much he actually cares, how much he actually has emotions.

yohan, to love his niece so much he decided to manipulate the law, to serve his own agenda and purposes for an outcome that wouldn't actually give them that much peace, but would at least position the country in a way they could grow and give elijah a life where she wouldn't have to grow up into that kind of destruction. this is why yohan "leaves" gaon behind and why gaon is the hope of the show because in going along with his plans, yohan realized that if gaon wasn't going to follow him through til the end, if he was going to do everything in his power to stop yohan, then the biggest apology yohan could give gaon was the world - the entire judicial system to make things right, to do better. that was yohan's gift to gaon and his apology because yohan had no intention of making it better. but maybe gaon could with him gone.

i've seen a few comments about how if yohan was someone in irl, we'd all steer clear of him, well, there's a lot of characters out there like that, but i wouldn't stay away from him for the reasons everyone typically lists (like the choking and manipulation) because they think he's that way just bc. yohan's actions mimic those of someone who simply doesn't care because they're depressed and not because they're psychotic. there is a DIFFERENCE. like yes, are some of his actions shitty? and his gaon right to mistrust the things he does sometimes, also yes.

but understand that there is a difference in people's behaviors depending on the underlying mental health issues involved. i don't fully believe yohan had any intent to hurt elijah or gaon maliciously. it's part of yohan being oblivious and not recognizing his own actions mixed with the entirety of his plans to be followed through til the very end. we've seen how oblivious yohan can be (the classroom bird story is a classic example; they all thought he was the devil when in reality, this kid only hurt the bird because it was scaring the girl he sat next to. logically, that mean eliminating the threat. he didn't purposefully kill the bird and enjoy it. it was a practical response within his own personal world).

i feel like i'm missing parts of this discussion, which is why i said this was a difficult topic for me to approach just to get all of my thoughts about it out there. and long story short to answer your question: i think yohan intended to die (just like he had a plan in case went to jail, for example). that possibility couldn't have been ruled out. but i think he had the plan to escape with elijah so that she could get better. either way, whatever happened happened, even if he died. elijah would be taken care of regardless.

gaon throws a wrench in his plans just a little bit, makes him realize his emotional capacities but gaon's not enough to stop yohan from seeing his plans out until the very end, even if that means losing gaon, too, because even if gaon has shown yohan that he is worthy of love and family and affection, it is not enough to forgive everything he's done, and he needs to make right what was wrong. yohan's death in that courtroom, if it had happened, wouldn't be the thing everyone needed to forgive him for his actions but it would be a start in eliminating himself as part of the problem.

another thing to keep in mind, is that we know yohan is not a sociopath, even if that's what everyone wanted us to believe. everyone thought he made sunah jump out the window, but what he was actually doing was protecting isaac and his mother's necklace. sunah made the choice all on her own, set up yohan and framed him despite yohan reaching out time and time again. isaac didn't even understand what had happened and focused on the fact that this girl jumped because of yohan without listening to the truth of it. yohan has always been shown to be fiercely loyal to the people he loves. he's never directly done anything bad (at least as a kid) unless he was provoked.

what people need to understand about yohan as a character is INTENTIONS. and i hope i'm making myself clear on this. everyone thinks he's born a devil, but that has never been the case. yohan's actions just come from a place from blind revenge. if he never needed to get revenge in the first place, if isaac was alive and well, would yohan make these same decisions? would he still be this kind of person who needed to use these methods to work around the law? i don't think so.

i think i remember getting an ask awhile back about whether yohan would eventually turn into who he is now had isaac lived because we see him livid and upset during that flashback to one of his earlier court cases (where we find he's ripping the paper with the pen) and whether or not isaac's death just fast forwarded the process. i don't feel like trying to go dig that post out, and i can't remember what i said on it either, but i feel yohan would have his family as a moral compass to keep him in line, and he wouldn't have succumbed to his present-day tactics. i think he could've worked his way up into the system and made real change. i think his heart could've been there all long, but again, was derailed by isaac's death and of course, plans changed.

this was a mouthful, and i hope what i'm saying makes sense because you can probably see what i mean about how difficult it is trying to organize my thoughts about this subject. but i am under the full belief that yohan had every intention of dying at the end or even before that. i think he's a depressed individual who learned to slowly open back up with gaon's help, but gaon is no doctor and no amount of his kindness would help someone that depressed either. it helped, certainly. but yohan saw himself as a monster/devil until the very end, and was more than willing to kill himself to make gaon and elijah's life so much easier. as penance. as justice. as love.

[assortedpuzzlepieces]

Ok, I’m about to go off on a GIANT rant about a specific issue I have with John Winchester & how the show intentionally & canonically portrays him as an ableist, homophobic asshole through his portrayal by JDM, so buckle up.

For the record, this is something I’ve always believed, but after listening to podcast episodes from @otrsupernatural & Carrying Wayward, one super clear example of why has just snapped into place & I feel compelled to share it.

So I want to start by noting a couple things that stand out. First & foremost, I think JDM is an incredible actor & I think he brings his A game with his portrayal of John. John Winchester is undeniably an asshole, & yet JDM balances that so well against the idea of loving parent, to not only make the character more realistic, but also to give real authenticity & depth to the trauma his children experienced at his hands & answer why they act the way they do in regards to him as their parent.

John is someone who, on the surface, appears to be a loving and concerned father, who makes mistakes, but does so because he’s in shitty circumstances & doesn’t have a lot of options or has his own trauma to battle that limits the choices he believes he has.

However, the show also gives us other content that proves there is more to John than that caring but broken man from as early as S1 & into the beginning of S2, & this content screams the truth of his ableism & homophobia, & gives some really strong evidence as to why these are two of the primary struggles of his children through the end of the series.

To explain, we 1st have to look at characters from earlier in S1. In 1x10, Asylum, we are introduced to Dr. Ellicott. He is shown to be someone who is canonically ableist to people with MHI. He sees them as less human, he does unethical experiments on them, he tortures them, just, lots of gross stuff there. On top of that, we see him as a ghost using what appears to be electrical shocks to Sam & Dean to possess & harm them, which resembles electroshock. There are also strong echoes of conversion therapy in this episode.

After this, we have 1x12, Faith, where Sue Ann is using dark magic to attack & murder people she hates, which specifically includes a woman who was pro choice & a gay man. This not only shows that she was homophobic, but that she condemned sexual freedom & bodily autonomy for women as well, which is in relation to homophobia, as well as deeply rooted in misogyny.

So essentially, we are shown a doctor who tries to force people to be less mentally ill or queer by “curing” them, & then a woman who took it a step further & murdered them to “cleanse” the town. We are given two different, but very interwoven ways with which society has tried to get rid of queers & disabled people, & it’s not subtext, it’s literally stated.

Now, in the show, both Dr. Ellicott & Sue Ann are the villains, & while the show demonstrates their ableism & homophobia, it also clearly condemns them for those actions. They are both dead/gone by the end of the episode & their actions are shown as evil. This is SO important, especially for a show that has failed in other episodes to truly state what exactly is the problematic action in the episode (looking at you, Bugs & Route 666).

That said, if Dr. Ellicott & Sue Ann are villains, then we must also extrapolate that ableism & homophobia are intentionally being written as evil in the show, so other characters who demonstrate these actions are also bad. (Yes, I know I’m being super redundant right now, but I just want to be really damn clear on this to demonstrate why I believe John’s characterization is intentional).

Now, in 1x21, John finally “learns” about Sam’s psychic abilities, & I say that in quotes bc there’s reason to believe he knew about it already from Missouri & was just in denial until confronted with the evidence, at which point he has a very strong reaction. As Ali pointed out, it’s interesting that he has such a strong negative reaction, as he clearly doesn’t have an issue with Missouri as a psychic, & yet he’s upset about Sam being one. He demonstrates the mindset of “othering” people outside of his family, which is a common treatment of both people w/ MHI & queer people - the mentality that “those people” are fine in general, but “not my son/daughter/family/me”.

So here in that episode, we are already getting an attitude from him that clearly parallels ableism & homophobia, & that is on top of other comments he made that are clearly rooted in misogyny, like his “that’s my man” to Dean in the flashback in Something Wicked This Way Comes (1x18).

THEN - the final nail in the coffin is the “secret” he tells Dean before he dies in 2x1; that Dean needs to either save Sam or stop him. By now it’s crystal clear he views Sam as something “other”, something not fully human, & his response? It’s literally “cure or cleanse”. Either make him “normal” or get rid of him.

To repeat, John LITERALLY uses ableist & homophobic language & tactics towards him son because he is different, & also tries to force Dean to do the same, passing on that legacy, by trying to erase anything about Sam thats not his personal definition of “normal”, all out of FEAR of who his son is & what he might do.

And the show CONDEMNS this behavior from the very beginning, even before we ever see him act this way!! They make it clear that ableism & homophobia are BAD, show John act that way, & then condemn him AGAIN when Dean tells Sam & it is made clear to the audience that what John asked of him was wrong.

Like… holy fuck. There is literally no way I can watch this & not believe that his characterization was not 100% intentional with him being set up as a bad person & his actions as condemnable. It’s just not narratively possible. John Winchester was intentionally written to be an asshole & we are supposed to see him as one, & any love we see from him is only meant to validate the complicated feelings Sam & Dean have towards him, not undermine the knowledge that he is a bad person. It’s literally in the text.

*Edit - Im adding a point here, since it’s been brought to my attention. John’s concern about Sam being infected with demon blood & possibly corrupted does not detract from the parallel being made between his actions & those of IRL people who are homophobic or ableist. In fact, this is another argument for that in interpretation, & here is why -

For literal thousands of years, mental illness has been viewed as demonic. People w/ MHI were thought to be possessed, evil incarnations, or even just sinfully corrupt & given to wickedness. People w/ physical disabilities were believed to be punished for moral failings, not faithful enough, etc, etc. Queer people were believed to be sexually deviant, witches, destroyers of families, etc.

These beliefs carry across many religions, but especially Christianity, & are present even today in some more extreme sects. And the people that believed these things? Well many of them were parents who “loved” their child & were trying to protect them from evil by purifying them. They too believed they had valid fears & good reasons to torture, maim, & even kill their children.

So to anyone who would argue “well it’s not the same because John had a good reason to be afraid of Sam” - shut the fuck up, because no, he didn’t.

Sam hadn’t hurt anyone. He wasn’t doing anything worth killing him over. He was a good kid who was hurt by someone outside his control & yet he only started doing anything that was truly wrong when he was pushed to it by circumstances that were again, beyond his control, & only then bc he was trying to do what was right!!

Anyone would do that, not just a kid w/ some demon blood powers. So let’s not act like he was inherently dangerous just BC he was different, bc guess what? That’s part of that mindset too. Sam was a good fucking person & John seeing him as less was John’s failing, not Sam’s.

[syubub]

BTS SOULMATES WORST HABIT/ QUALITY

Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes and only my interpretation of the cards. Do not take it as fact~

Anon, I love this very much!! Thank you for requesting it!

Seokjin

I got: 7 of wands rev., Take a fucking trip ( Go see some shit. Do some new things. Talk to people cooler than you.), Stop obsessing ( You are not the centre of the fucking universe)

So. This person tends to get overwhelmed easily and can be a bit of a workaholic at times.

This is someone who gets so so so focused their failures and faults and stuff that they kinda become blinded by that

I pulled a clarity and got 9 of swords.

This really is someone who spirals in anxiety when things aren't going well and likely snaps at the people around them.

Its absolutely unintended but when they get overwhelmed they kinda detatch from the world and they can only see as far as their nose.

Likely gets so in their head that they forget things about other people and it can come off as being very self-centered, cold, bitchy ect.

Yoongi

Lol

A lot of cards came out.

We have: 2 of cups, Drop the fucking ego. (Vulnerability is hot as fuck.), Ask a fucking expert. (Don't rely on your friends or the Internet. Listen to a damn professional.), Stop fucking whining. (No one wants to listen to that shit. Complaining makes you weak. You have the strength to change your world-so do it.), You need a good fucking cry. (Get the ugly cry on. Let that shit go. Your soul will thank you.)

They tend to romanticize life to the point that they think that something will come and change their life for them

But that isn't how shit works

They have mad issues with getting vulnerable and admitting that they are struggling or that they aren't happy where they are.

Emotionally constipated lol

Definitely has a hard time letting other people in bc of trust issues

They don't really outwardly emote often so it all builds up.

They think that independence means you can't look for guidance and thats bad

Very much ignoring the work they have to do to get to where they want to be but still pretending like they are getting closer to it

Ugh

They have a lot of shit to work out in the emotions department

They also seem to just have a general lack of grounding.

Hoseok

Oki

I got: 10 of swords rev., the tower, Stop talking. (Shut your mouth and listen.) Winning. (You got a good thing going. Don't ruin that shit.)

This is someone who can't keep their foot out their fucking mouth.

Dear god.

Its all good intentions but they say way more than they need too and it can ruin things for them.

They also can be too open.

They also resist change too much.

They fear self change.

They couldn't give a shit about external change but breaking old habits and old patterns is something they just don't like to do

So as a result they don't ever challenge their views internally.

This can leave them with a shaky foundation (putting off that tower moment) of old views and outdated information.

This can make them pretty damn judgmental at times.

They just need to let the tower moment happen and reasses all of their beliefs to figure out what they truly stand for and who they are, not just what has been forced in them (societal, parental. Even friends)

Also likely gullible

EMBRACE INNER CHANGE

Jesus, you're gonna give me a fuckin migraine

Its frustrating because THEY KNOW WHAT THEY HAVE TO DO BUT THEY JUST DON'T WANT TO

I feel bad for your guides, hobi's soulmate.

JUST DO IT

Namjoon

...

I got: Hanged man rev., 2 of swords, What the hell are you waiting for? Get that shit done. (If you were waiting for a sign-well, here it ucking is.), Don't believe every shitty thought you have. (Thoughts can be lying, sneaky bastards)

This is a procrastinator.

They tend to avoid things when they are faced with things that are unpleasant or even really good.

They are frustratingly doing nothing.

Big big big avoider.

STOP DOING THAT

Doesn't really want to do better.

They are content where they are for the simple reason that they don't want to experience discomfort by actively going after what they truly want in life

THIS DOESNT HELP ANYONE

They are also VERY passive when they are procrastinating

Jimin

Bring it.

We have: The magician, You are loved. (You are here for a reason. Don't fuck it up.), Have you eaten? (Your acting like a big ass baby. You need food in your belly. Either fucking taco.)

Well okay then.

I think this ties into jimins soulmate reading so I won't go too indepth about that part. You can read his soulmate reading here (x)

BUT

The thing that makes this their worst quality/ worst habit is because they have every tool and all of the want to help their situation but just don't?

And specifically another thing is that no matter how much someone tells this person that they love them, that they are important and that they matter, this person DOESN'T BELIEVE IT. The actively try to convince themselves otherwise.

Actively

On purpose

Because they don't know what else is a personality trait.

Again go read jimins soulmate read.

It's not that anyone blames them for this or anything but they actively reject help at times and get pissy about their situation.

You know what you need to do to fix your shit. Do it. Don't use it as your fucking personality.

You are more than that.

Dear god.

Theres a lot to say here.

Whatever situation it is, they are so stubborn and determined to do shit on their own and they have every resource but they are scared to lose a defining trait.

Ugh

I have a lot I want to say about this but I'll leave it here.

Taehyung

Oki oki

10 of wands, 2 of cups, you're giving too many fucks. (Give zero) and figure shit out on your own.

So this is someone how tends to overwork themselves.

They don't really know when to quit? They seem to be very determined but to their own detriment at times.

They also tend to carry the burden in any social relationship. People tend to use them?

They go along with it because they have a lot to offer and a lot to give and don't always have the boundaries to keep people from taking advantage of them.

They honestly just give too many fucks.

They value human connection so much that they will let themselves be a fucking doormat.

They feel very isolated even though they aren't (when I do the second soulmate read I think I'll have some more about this then)

Jungkook

Oki

We have: the tower, 7 of swords, eat your fucking vegetables. (Eat some shit made by mother nature), dont talk to anyone. Don't look at anyone. (You need some fucking time alone. And you know why)

First thing. I heard, "The diet of a child" and then "gamer girl" umm.

I have 2 things.

1. They take bad care of themselves when they go through a rough patch and the trend sneak away from everything (probably lie to get out of whatever obligations or do some sneaky shit) and eat fucking lunchables and kids cuisine microwave dinners with energy drinks exclusively

2. They tend to be ridiculously picky irl. Or just can't cook for shit so they only eat coffee pot Ramen.

Pull yourself together.

Their worst habit is withdrawing from everything when things get rough.

They don't take care of themselves and they drink Monster energy drinks like a scene kid from 2010.

That's gross.

Pls stop