procrastination-pro

[beazt]

that last post was important n I didn’t wanna derail it so I’m making my own post

but I went thru those galleries of the boobs (including multiple pages of galleries in the first link) and was getting kinda… distressed/bummed that my share of boob characteristics were not. on there anywhere

then stumbled across a gynecomastia gallery, and like, I see several cis men with that who have breasts very similar to mine, and almost all of them are closer in general to looking like mine than the ones on the afab boob gallery

fun lil intersex moment I guess???? (I’m sure there are cis perisex women who have similar experience bc the human body can be so diverse but also I imagine this is related to my intersexness in my case)

[aylabyu]

this idea was pretty random lmao it popped up when I saw the numbers 333 👽

ANYWAY HERE WE GO

Random Genshin Men x F!Reader (NSFW)

7

"ven-venti! wait, why are we doing... 'this' here?! n-no♡"

"why are you so shy? it's not like it's your first time," he nuzzled your neck while pounding you on the rails of the tavern.

your upper body dangling — in doggy position — and holding for dear life on the wooden, fragile rails while your lover rubs your clit continuously.

"venti-"

you swore you could have crushed the rails when he slapped your red ass.

"what did i tell you a while ago?"

"c-call you master! ah, ahng! master!!"

"that's right, my windblume. come, shout for your master. don't worry, everyone's too occupied drinking," he thrusted harder and harder 'til your and his release are dripping on the floor, "... maybe."

you're crying at this point, thanks to his dick, so you didn't hear his last word. a small stature could hide something so dangerous. though he is an archon, maybe he can make some... parts of him much larger? ♡

"fuck, fuck me, master! fuck me, ah!♡"

"i will, i fucking will. i'll fuck you until you can never function ever again. haah, hah. give me seven more orgasms, windblume. what count are we on now?"

"unh, u-um, sixty-one? ah!" he shoved two fingers down your throat.

"wrong, it's sixty-two since you didn't come in the past minute. looks like we have to go back to zero~♡"

6

"you naughty girl, having sex with venti thinking that no one can hear the both of you. that was so wrong baby, yet very hot too. don't you agree?"

with pistoning hips to your sloppy pussy, your mind can't form a coherent reply nor even process what kaeya is saying to you.

"you can't go on anymore? we're just starting though?"

in a missionary position, he grabbed your hair and forced you to look at him.

"come on baby, are you truly fucked dumb? either way, you'll still give me another orgasm, right?"

feeling the sweet pain in your scalp, you replied, "y-yes, i'll give you a-another- ah! ahn, uhn, mhm!♡"

seemingly not satisfied with your words, he set your legs up on his shoulders and started thrusting harder and faster.

"ugh, ugh- baby, you're clamping real tight- ah!♡"

crashing his lips unto yours, he released his hot load to your convulsing walls. the both of you continued to battle with your tounges when he pulled away as his cum started flowing out.

"d'you know how i knew that you were going at it with venti?"

he smirked when he felt your sudden clench to his slowly hardening dick.

"were we really that loud?" you sheepily asked.

"nuh-uh, i was standing below you two's position. drinking happily and merrily when i suddenly saw something slip into my drink."

he leaned close to your ear and continued, "it was your cum, you came so much that your fluids seeped into the wooden floors and dripped to the lower level."

along his wet licks to your ear, you just had a mini orgasm when you heard what he said.

"i still drank my beverage, of course. couldn't let a tasty addition go to waste, can't i? so i just left my drink in that same spot for a while until there was a noticeable increase in volume."

you were caught off guard when he started thrusting again. while loud moans and your saliva came out of you, kaeya continued, "it was such a big change in volume that someone asked me if i was pouring more to my drink! can you guess who that was?"

unable to form a reply or thought once more, you just let your tongue come out and moan to his doings on your poor body.

"well, you'll figure it out sooner or later. we still have six hours to go 'til daybreak, baby. six hours to go 'til i pass you off to that dear someone♡"

5

"m-master diluc! ah, please wait- ahn!♡"

your words were swallowed down when diluc shoved you back down on the table you were lying on, nude, while pinching your nipples.

"did you have fun with him? well, seeing as how you're naked in my tavern — out in public no less — i do think you had an enjoyable night. do you know i had to close the tavern early so they won't hear your whorish sounds?"

he rubbed, groped, and then bit your chest as if it was his adversary, making you think of nothing but addicting pleasure. his gloves added more stimulation, making you closer to the orgasm you crave.

"though, seeing as how you moved from venti to kaeya in one night, you truly might have wanted to be seen and heard by everyone," he leaned in close to you, his clothed body rubbing against your unclothed body, "be fucked by everyone in all of your holes, hm?"

you came right there and then.

"master... diluc, haah, hah. p-please..."

you grabbed his hands that stopped moving when he noticed your orgasm, and moved them yourself instead. you felt shame with your actions — you were basically masturbating, even if it was with just your nipples, using a nobleman's hand! but you didn't care, you were far too gone in the haze of ecstasy.

"'please' what? would you rather be stimulated with your chest than your cave down here?" he grabbed your hands and pinned them up your head.

"...b.."

"hm?"

"b-both! both, master diluc!"

though your words were garbled and not coherent enough, diluc understood you. he raised an eyebrow at you, making you instantly redden even more.

"no shame with your desires, darling. it's just, you're already used by two men," you shuddered, "how about you clean yourself for a bit and we'll continue talking."

he straightened his back and let you go, turning his back on you which made you think he was about to leave you. (of course he wouldn't, why would he let others take his prey?) so, you did a rational thing and shouted.

"i-i need your help then!"

diluc looked back and saw you prop yourself up on the wet table, separating your legs until you can't anymore.

"need, need your hand, master diluc! can you help me clean my... p-pussy?"

you bit your lips in embarrassment, shivering, but continued on. you set your folds apart while looking up at him with glistening eyes.

"my, i knew you were a slut but not to this extent," you almost came, "very well, i can see the progress firsthand in this way."

he took off his gloves using his mouth, and pushed you on the table once more. he cushioned your head with his hand, while the other shoved two fingers in your pussy.

"mhm, ah! agh, ahn!♡"

"come in five. your wetness can perhaps aid in pushing out all these cum," his words were of removing the cum in your pussy so he can fill it up with his, but he kept on shoving his fingers up to the hilt where you think he was pushing the cum further up than down.

"minutes? okay-"

"five minutes? i meant seconds, darling."

A/N: ...yoooo so it should be yk, 7 up to 1 but I got lazy so maybe I'll continue it if I felt like it.......... I ALSO DID NOT MEANT FOR VENTI'S TO BE MUCH SHORTER THAN THE OTHER TWO, I'm a sucker for porn w plot,, (with so many dicks coming out of darling's pussy was also in reference to so many words by the end of the fic LMAO)

[tansyuduri]

WIP Word Game:

rules: you will be given a word. share one sentence/excerpt from your wip(s) that start with each letter of that word. I was tagged by @kadenemrys And will be using a prompt I got for merlin and badthigns happen bingo from @orliththedragon that will also cover some whumptober prompts and be a likley SECOND whumptober fic if I finish it in time.

T:

The chance of peace and an end to people dying was too important. Arthur would risk his life to help his people and Merlin would follow him to pretect him with everything he had. 

“Make sure everyone knows about this offer.” Merlin began “It was the only assurance he could think of.  “All the other kingdoms" 

“So If cenred breaks supposed peace talks  by springing the trap, whatever it is, everyone will know him for what he is. His word would never be trusted again.” Arthur agreed.

“That won’t stop him” Morgana insisted.  “He might be desperate enough to do it anyway. We need to be smart about this.”

Arthur continued to pace. “Merlin comes with me because he will anyways even if I try to stop him.” Arthur paused to shoot Merlin a slightly exasperated look

Merlin agreed with this “Pretty much yes, Also lets not forget I might have to save your royal ass.”

Arthur snorted “Ah yes thank you for reminding me. Also here I was hopping NOT to reveal to Cenred all you can do”

“You made me court wizard.” Merlin’s mouth twitched in a wry line “What did you expect him to think? That I can only do a few spells?”

“First of all Merlin” Arthur lifted a finger “There is a difference bwteeen being court wizard and your level of power, we both know it.

Merlin opened his mouth to reply but Gwen spoke first breaking up the argument.

“About being smart about this. What if morgana follows the party but is not actually with you. Make sure the knights know and anyone else you bring. If the worst happens. Or as unlikely as it is something Merlin cannot face alone, Morgana will be your secret weapon.”

A.

Arthur slowly became aware of a hand on the uninjured side of his face. Then Beautiful Night blue eyes wide with frantic worry staring down at him as soft lips moved quickly. Arthur could not make out what they were saying. But he smiled up at what he could make out of Merlin’s face above his.

He felt himself pulled into merlin’s arms. The warmth of merlin felt good against the pain in his body. Arthur was not sure where he was but he knew Merlin was holding him. Merlin holding him was important. Because merlin was important. And it made Arthur feel good. In fact he would say that.

Slowly as he was held in merlin’s arms things came back. He was aware they were in their cell again. He remembered the beating… or some of it. 

“Arthur! You’re eyes are clearing! Arthur can you hear me!?”

Arthur groaned, with increased awareness came pain. Oh his head. “I… can hear you.” Arthur stumbled over the words the first time  then spoke more clearly “I can hear you. I’m alright.” 

Merlin shook his head “You’ve always had a very unique definition of alright”

“I’m not the only one.” Arthur retorted staring up at the man he loved.  “Who was it that kept sneaking into the forrest the moment they could get out of bed like an idiot? Oh right! Merlin that was you!”

Despite Merlin's look of exasperation a slight relived smile formed on his face.  “Well If you are well enough to insult me you can also tell me what happened. Besides the obvious.”

“Cenred wanted me to get on my knees and beg forgiveness. I refused. I will never bow to that coward!”

L:

-Let alone a person. How does it feel to be so weak that you have to result to being a childlike bully to feel good?”

Arthur swore internally and grabbed Merlin's shoulder pulling him back. Merlin agitating Cenred was not surprising but after what he has said last night Arthur had hopped for a bit more restraint. Then he realized Merlin might be doing this on purpuse in some sort of stupid self sacrificial attempt to make Cenred focus on him.  But this was Merlin he couldnt be sure he could just be saying whatever he felt like. 

Cenred leered at them. His tone was not angry… more almost joyful “You really are remarkably annoying. I will be entertained shutting you up.”

Arthur stepped forward again to be ready to fight when the cell door opened.

“Arthur!” Merlin’s word of warning and then coughing caught his attention. He turned only for orange gass to hit his face coming out of a vent above them. Immediately his eyes started to water. He began to cough. Arthur dived grabbing Merlin and talkling to the ground amongst flailing limbs. Arthur covered him with his own body. Pure instinct drove to try to protect. It would not be enough. That was Arthur's last coherent though before he fell into darkness.

E.

Emotional words were always so hard. “People aren’t just worth what they can do… People are worth who they are…” The words were vague but they were the best Arthur could manage. He knew self doubt like an old friend and he refused to let Merlin go though it like he did. Merlin was always there building him up when he needed it. Arthur would do the same for Merlin.

Merlin watched him blinking back tears “Thank you.” His voice was rough with emotion. Arthur let go of his face breathing hard. “Well I… I have to do something when you're being an idiot.” he told Merlin dismissively before following with a quiet. “I love you.”

@shana-rosee @catsconflictscopicsandchamomile @mudtwist @oakfiddle @poisonedfate @sexy-sapphic-sorcerer @katherynefromphilly No pressure!

[beesinspades]

I'm 3 months and 2 weeks on T now and I'm sooooo happy with it :D the first two months and then some were SLOW, so much so if it wasn't for one thing and the (temporary) side effects of the hormonal mess, I would've thought it wasn't working lol

but over the past month I've started really seeing changes!!

my voice started dropping, I can hear a difference with my voice pre-t!

I'm already growing facial hair on my neck and chin. at this rate I'll hopefully be one of the lucky ones with something decent before the end of my first year on T hehe

my belly is getting hairier

I think my face shape has started to change but that's harder to tell

so yeah I'm really happy because so far I'm getting nice changes and I haven't been plagued with being hungry, hot and horny. no mood changes either or anything. I don't feel any different from before T besides feeling more confident in my appearance. and I still have some palpitations when I lie down to go to bed in the evening and still in bed in the morning but I saw a cardiologist with echography and EKG and I'm good so it's likely the hormones. it was much worse before my third shot when we increased the dose.

also I don't know if it's related but before T I would get really nauseous (at the base of the neck rather than the stomach, idk how to explain it) at least once every three weeks or so, most of the time when I woke up in the morning and then it went away once I got up and went about my day. a week or so after I started T it got worse as in it started happening more frequently, at night too, and sometimes lasted throughout the day. then towards the end of the sixth week, before my third shot, it got so bad for like five days I thought I was gonna die hahaha but same as the palpitations improving, we did the third shot at full dose instead of half and the nausea disappeared. I haven't had a single instance of it since. so?¿?¿??? (both these things were already there before but probably made worse by a medication I started taking a little after going on T though. I stopped taking it as well)

anyways, I did two shots by myself so far, the first one went perfectly well and the second one I felt like passing out but it was likely because I did it in the morning right out of my hot shower sjdkln I lied down for 20 minutes and then felt fine again.

also I got the results of my check-up blood test yesterday and my T levels have very nicely increased (I'm at like 55) and everything else is normal :3

I'm a liiittle anxious because "oh my god what if I'm doing a mistake" but I'm really looking forward to the next few months!!!

but also WELP because besides my sister my family doesn't know. my mother hasn't called me in a month so odds that she'll notice something next time she calls me are not nonexistent and it's Not going to go well and I'm wholly unprepared for that conversation

next week I'm having lunch with my godmother whom I last saw on the day I started T, so that should be interesting too....she's always been supportive and nonjudgmental (to my face at least hahaha) but also given that she believes in the woke agenda I have no idea if HRT is going too far for her. wait and see :')

as for my dad, I'm frankly starting to wonder if he's just pretending not to have noticed anything. the voice I can get because he talks to me everyday so without a direct comparison it's not impossible that he hasn't noticed. but the facial hair??? I have way more than before and it's surprising he hasn't commented on it. anyway. either way the moment my mother knows he's probably gonna be made aware too.

anyway. excitement but also Fear

[ariaachillesaphrodisia]

Life After Life: A DC Vs. Vampires Fanfiction

A story in which Tim Drake does not die... well... sort of...

Warnings for: Major character death, Mentions of blood, violence, gore, and death, Manipulation, Memory Loss, and Biting (Vampire Bites) - THIS STORY CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR DC VS. VAMPIRES ISSUES #1-6

It hurts to breathe.

It hurts to think.

It hurts to be.

Tim Drake knows all of these things, and yet he does them anyways because his body wills him to. His body forces him to. His eyes open, and he squints them shut, hissing at the new brightness that fills his field of vision. Cautiously and slowly, he opens them again, allowing him time to adjust to the light. He is staring at the ground, face down, and turned slightly to the side. He tries to think of how he got to this position, but he can’t remember. His mind is fuzzy and trying to recall the memories only causes his brain to pound in a throbbing pain like the worst migraine Tim has ever experienced. He abandons the idea of trying to recall what happened and instead decides to search for clues.

He stands up on legs that feel like jelly, and every inch of his body cries out as he moves. He is so tired, he notices. Every part of him is exhausted. As though he has been resting for an eternity and has now been forced to awaken. There are parts of him which beg him to go back to his previous slumber, but these parts are ignored. Tim will not rest. He cannot. He has to figure out what happened.

Tim sees that he is in what looks like it could be a warehouse. There are boxes and huge tin cans everywhere. It is a wreck. He sees boating supplies. Oars, wooden row boats, and rope. He wonders why he is in this place…

And then Tim sees a pile of ashes on the ground… and red stains around it.

Tim’s eyes widen as he looks around the room in horror, now seeing the dark red stains that cover so much of the room. He looks down at the area where he had woken up and sees even more blood. Sees so… so much blood. Panic fills him, and his hands begin to search for wounds, cuts, scrapes, anything to explain the blood that had pooled around where he had woken up. But he finds nothing. No injuries that would explain that level of blood loss… in fact… no injuries at all. The only thing he notices is that the collar of his cape and suit are sticky and covered in a cold, dark red liquid he knows to be blood. But it cannot be his. He isn’t injured… so… whose blood is it?

As he gazed upon the pool of blood around where he had been laying, he noticed a trail of blood coming from outside. He stumbled towards the back exit, and slowly made his way through the back door. Perhaps whoever had… whoever’s blood was in the warehouse had come outside to try and escape… whatever had happened out there? What had happened? Tim still couldn’t remember anything, and it still hurt to try to recall it. Now though… it wasn’t only the headache. Every time he tried to wrack his brain to remember what happened, his heart would start pounding in his chest and his breathing would rapidly increase. His hands would shake, his legs would quiver, and tears would blur his vision. He could feel his flight or fight response starting to kick in too.

“Panic response. Trauma response.” Tim thought to himself. “Maybe that’s why I can’t remember anything. My brain is trying to protect me… but from what?”

The view outside explained why there had been boats and boating supplies inside the warehouse. Tim was standing on what looked to be a dock. Ahead of him was ocean as far as the eye could see. He looked at the ground and saw discarded arrows all around him. He frowned at this.

“Those… they kind of look like Green Arrow’s ones…” he thought. “What had Arrow been doing here?” Had they all been fighting someone? It would explain all the blood… and the arrows… but who had they been fighting? Maybe a magic user. Maybe that is why Tim couldn’t remember anything. Maybe it wasn’t his panic response, or at least not only that, but maybe someone had wiped his memories? Tim forced himself to try and think back to the last few weeks but came up with nothing but a few fragments. He remembered the whole “Bat Family” meeting up but couldn’t remember what they’d been talking about. He remembered Alfred serving them drinks and remembered feeling it was odd that they were all in the same place together. It wasn’t exactly something that happened often. He remembered… feeling happy. He felt happy when he thought about those moments. Everyone smiling. Everyone together… but why had they gotten together? That he couldn’t recall.

Tim continued following the blood trail, ensuring that he did not step on any of it or risk tampering with the evidence. Not that it would have mattered too much, he thought. The tides from the seas had already pushed around the blood, and it looked like the winds hadn’t helped either. The dock was soaked with water, and Tim wondered whether it was all from the water or whether it had rained some time while he was out. He supposed it didn’t really matter. The water had already mixed with the blood and had done its damage. He only hoped that there was enough left that if required, it could be used for testing or evidence. He was sure Bruce would have something that could separate the stuff they needed from the water. Bruce always had something up his sleeve. He was just like that.

Tim walked along, his body feeling a little bit better now. It no longer hurt to move, and even breathing was easier now. Thinking didn’t hurt anymore unless he tried to remember things. The stickiness of his suit was still uncomfortable, but he did his best to ignore it. Instead, he focused on following the blood trail and trying to solve what exactly had happened here. What exactly had happened to him.

He tried to imagine all the things that possibly could have happened. Maybe one of Arrow’s enemies had tried to attack him, and he had called Tim for help. Maybe one of Batman’s enemies had found Tim and Arrow had come to help. Maybe there was a break-in at the warehouse place, and both had gone to investigate. Maybe the bad guy had knocked Tim out and then ran, only Arrow shot at him, injured him, and that was where the blood trail was from. It… seemed like a lot of blood… but adrenaline did weird things to the brain. Even if you were bleeding profusely, you still might continue running just because you don’t notice how bad it is. Adrenaline, Tim knew, could even impact how your perceived pain, so maybe the bad guy was so high on adrenaline that he didn’t stop even after getting hit with the arrow? Maybe the enemy was a metahuman? Maybe they healed really fast, so they weren’t worried about the blood loss? Or maybe there was way less blood than Tim thought, and it was just the water that made it look like there was so much blood? Any of these things were possible, Tim reasoned. Whatever it was, he was sure that he could figure it out. He was Tim Drake. He was prepared for anything…

At least that was what he thought before he saw the source of the blood.

There was indeed an arrow sticking out of the body of the person who had been shot, only it wasn’t in the leg or the arm. It was a shot through the chest. A fatal shot, Tim knew. Blood stained the person’s dark black shirt and had dribbled down onto his beige pants, staining them as well. Blood was crusted around the person’s nose and mouth, and there was a considerable amount of it on the person’s neck too. The person’s eyes were open, and they were glossed over and hazy. A clear indication that they had been dead for quite some time. Their arms, which were covered to the elbow with red gloves, were lying by their side.

Tim Drake had seen many dead bodies before. He lived in Gotham, after all. Not only that, but he had experienced a lot of death in his life personally, and even more tragedy. So, the sight of the body itself, as disturbing as a dead body was (and no matter how many he saw… it was always very, very disturbing) that wasn’t what bothered him. It wasn’t what brought tears to his eyes. Wasn’t what caused him to fall to the floor and let out a scream he was sure rang out throughout Gotham. It wasn’t what made him start shaking the body on the floor violently, as though that would bring the figure back to life. It wasn’t what made him cling to the body with an iron-tight grasp, as though he were afraid that should he let go… the figure may vanish from him forever. No…

What caused that was the sight of a red bat symbol on the man’s black t-shirt… and the red hoodie lying on the ground a little bit away from the figure…

No… not the figure…

Jason.

Jason Todd.

His brother…

Was lying dead on the ground before him.

Tim couldn’t hear the sobs and screams that he was letting out as he shook Jason’s lifeless corpse. He couldn’t feel the tears which poured down his face like cascading waterfalls, nor could he feel his nails digging into Jason’s cold flesh. His throat was raw, and his eyes burned, but he felt neither of these things. All he felt at that moment was disbelief, sorrow, heartbreak, and grief.

“This is a trick. This is just some stupid trick,” Tim told himself. “Jason is just playing a dumb prank on me. He is going to walk out of some alleyway or corner or building and laugh at me for falling for this. He is going to look at me with that stupid dumb look on his face and tell me that I’m such a crybaby, or so gullible, or that I’m a poor excuse for a Robin. He will call me “Replacement” and make fun of me, and I will punch him in his dumb stupid face, and everything will be fine,” Tim angrily thought. “Or maybe it is a test? A cruel test. Maybe Bruce is testing me to see how I would react to something like… like… losing a loved one. He is testing me to see how I’d react in a crisis. That’s it. Yeah…” he tried to reason with himself. “Just Jason playing a prank or Bruce testing me. That’s all. Everything is fine. This is just a really cruel trick, and Jason is fine, and everyone is fine,” he repeated. “We will all go home to Wayne Manor, and they will make me my favorite meal to make up for this HORRIBLE, SICK trick and I’ll be mad at them but forgive them eventually. And Barbara will check in with me and make sure I’m ok. And Damian will… probably scold me for falling for it but do that thing where he makes some comment to show he is actually sorry that all this happened. And Cass will check in on me too and give the others a hard time about what they did. Not nearly as much as Dick though. He will give them so much hell for it. Scold them and tell them off for scaring me like that. He won’t let them get away with this. He never does. Dick is going to…”

As Tim, still clutching the body of his brother, thought this, memories flooded his brain. It was as though a gate had opened in his mind, allowing him access to the parts of his past that he could not open before. And the more Tim remembered… the more he wished that gate had stayed closed.

He remembered meeting with the Bat Family and remembered they had met during the day. They were all there, and Bruce had told them about a new threat. Had told them that he needed their help because this new threat was popping up all over and that a situation had even taken place at the Justice League’s headquarters. He remembered Bruce made them take a series of tests to ensure they were not secretly part of this new threat because it was the sort of threat where you never know who you can trust. Tim’s least favorite type of threat.

But they’d all passed with flying colors, and the suspicion was off. Then they started working to protect the world. It wasn’t much different than the regular Robin activities… aside from the fact that Bruce had said they were allowed to kill those who were afflicted. Said they were no longer human… and sure… Tim could definitely see why he said that especially when in the middle of a battle where his life was on the line and hungry teeth were aiming for him… but still. Bruce had always had a very strict “No Kill” rule. Something most of the family was happy to uphold, to the best of Tim’s knowledge anyhow. Tim was the same, more or less. Sure, he might not have the same strict moral code against killing as Bruce, but he still refrained from doing it. He was a Robin, after all. Whether that be under the mantle of Robin or Red Robin, he was still a symbol people looked up to. And he wanted to be that. Wanted to be someone people could look up to. Someone they could trust. Someone his family could trust. So, while his personal morals might not be as strict as Bruce’s, they certainly weren’t as relaxed as Jason’s or Damian’s.

But this dilemma was something that Tim did eventually overcome. Quicker than he felt comfortable admitting to himself. The fact that his enemies were gunning to kill him and showed no signs of mercy did make it a little easier to swallow though, as did the fact that the rest of the Bat Family was going through the same thing. There wasn’t any fear of them judging Tim or rejecting him for what he was having to do, because they were all having to do the same thing. And it meant that he could lean on them for support too. He lost track of the times that he had gone to Barbara or Dick about it, venting to them about the guilt and remorse that was eating him up inside. And they’d always listened with open minds and open hearts, and it had made Tim feel a bit better about things.

The memories flashed forward in time. They were all in a warehouse. The warehouse Tim had awoken in. Cass, Alfred, Damian, Bruce, and Dick were all there. Barbara was the only one unaccounted for. Tim remembered starting to block off the entrance points. Remembered telling Damian something about controlling the flow of the fight. Then they had shown up. Diana Price and Hal Jordan. Wonder Woman and Green Lantern. There had been a stand-off… and then a fight. Wonder Woman and Green Lantern had been part of the afflicted. They were there to try and get the Bat Family to join them… and if they couldn’t do that, then they were there to kill them. Tim remembered fighting them. His friends. His father’s friends. Then he remembered a bright light in the room and remember Diana yelling at Hal to turn the light off. Hal had gotten the upper hand until Alfred had snuck up on him and cut his arm off. And then Green Arrow – Oliver Queen – had killed Green Lantern. Tim thought back to the pile of ashes and winced. Hal had been a good man, he thought. So many of them had been good people…

The next thing Tim remembered was Bruce getting a call. He told them it had been from Barbara. Told them that she had told him that she thought she knew where the Joker was. They… they’d been searching for the Joker and had thought he had been behind everything. Bruce told them that she had gotten some sort of lead and that she was heading back to them. His voice had been his same monotone calm as always when he told them that but… Tim remembered the look on his face when he had been on the call with Barbara. Remembered the troubled expression upon it when he glanced over to himself, Dick, Damian, Cass, and Alfred. It had only been there for a second, and to the untrained eye, it would have been easy enough to miss but… but this was the Bat Family, and they were very well trained. Tim especially, whose detective skills had always been sharp. But they hadn’t had time to question him about it because before Bruce could even finish telling them that Barbara was heading back…

Dick had stuck his hand through Bruce’s chest.

At that memory, everything inside Tim snapped and he shot to the warehouse like a bullet. The world around him blurred by as he ran, and the wind felt cold and sharp against his face. The tears which were flowing down once again did not help with this. His lungs screamed at him to slow down. To rest. But he couldn’t. Just like before, he had to know. He had to know if it was real. And all along the way to the warehouse, even as he crashed through the slightly ajar door, he prayed it wasn’t. Pleaded for it not to be. The logical part of his brain knew it was, but the emotional side could not believe it.

“Mind control. Or telepathy. That is possible still. It could still be that. This all could be that. Some supervillain messing with my head. That is it,” he tried to convince himself, but that nagging logical part of him was not fooled. The bubbling horror and dread inside of him at the memory of… what happened to Bruce… that didn’t come from just mind control. That came from something real. The pain of watching someone you love die. That is what it came from. He knew that… but he couldn’t admit it to himself. Not until he saw the proof. Because until then, he could tell himself that no matter how convinced he was logically that it was real, there was a chance it wasn’t. Because until then, he could tell himself that there was still a chance that Bruce was alive. Because until then… he didn’t have to face the truth that he knew was real. Because until then… he could hope.

But all those hopes were crushed when Tim re-entered the building to see a corpse lying on the ground of the warehouse. A corpse dressed in a black and grey costume with a cape and long, jet-black ears that resembled that of a bat. For the second time that day, Tim fell to the ground and let out a howling shriek. His head went into his hands and nausea filled him. There was his proof. Lying on the ground with a giant hole in his chest. Cold as ice. Long dead. His father… long dead.

His brother… long dead.

He… he was long dead too, wasn’t he?

He remembered that. Remembered them all being horrified at the fact that Dick had killed their father. At the fact that he had been behind all of this. At the fact that he was their enemy. Not an enemy, even. The enemy. The leader of the new threat. The Vampire King. Damian had rushed to Bruce, but Cass, Jason and he had gone to fight Dick. They thought they could take him. Three against one. All trained by Batman himself. They thought they would win…

They were wrong.

He beat them easy. No matter how hard they fought, they didn’t get any closer to beating him. He broke Cass’ arm like it was a brittle twig. Tossed her to the side like she weighed nothing. Tim had tried to get him from behind, and it worked partially. He had managed to get a hit in, kicking Dick right in the back. But then, as Tim was swinging by, Dick had stuck his arm out and it had caught Tim under the jaw, sending him sprawling onto the floor. His teeth had stabbed into his tongue, cutting part of it off in the process. Blood spewed out from his mouth, both from the injury to his tongue and the sheer impact of Dick’s counterattack. Dick had punched Tim hard while he was down and then had grabbed him by his cape, forcing him up. He had been explaining to Tim how he had fooled them all. How he’d used Starfire’s blood to pass the tests before… said he could do everything they could do…

And then he had stomped hard on Tim’s head.

The blood had been Tim’s all along. There had been so much of it… but Tim supposed that was what happened when you got your head crushed in like a watermelon. It explained the headache. Explained why he couldn’t remember. His guess about the trauma had been weirdly right… only… he didn’t realize it was trauma in connection to his own death. Nor had he realized that the memory loss stemmed from the fact that his brains had been splattered all over the floor, along with his skull, eyes, and everything else found in a human head. As this thought came to Tim’s mind, so did a very, very pressing question:

If Dick had squished his head like a water balloon… how was he standing here now?

Tim’s eyes fell upon the trail of blood that he had followed earlier, and he froze. His heart began to beat rapidly once again, and he shook his head over and over again.

“No. No. No. No. No. No. It can’t be…” he thought. It couldn’t be. There was no way. So much water had mixed with that blood. There… there was barely enough of it to even count as blood now. It was so watered down. So contaminated. There was no way…

Except vampires, Tim knew, healed fast. And Jason would have been only partly turned. Jason’s heart would still have been beating. Still have been pumping. His human body would be desperately trying to replace the blood he was losing, and his vampire body would be desperately trying to repair his heart. It wouldn’t have saved him though. He had lost too much blood for that. But… but if the arrow hadn’t hit one of the main chambers of the heart… then it was possible Jason could have died from blood loss rather than the injury sustained to his heart. This meant that… that his body would have been pumping more blood than he would originally have been losing if he was only human. His vampire body would be working overtime to try and turn him before his death, meaning it would be forcing the heart to pump even more blood… meaning…

Meaning the blood may not have been as diluted as Tim thought.

And the blood mixed with Tim’s blood…

Tim knew it was possible for one to survive a traumatic brain injury. If the right parts of the brain were still functioning… then it was possible. He also knew that the body was able to survive for a certain amount of time after such injuries. He was sure his injury would have been very, very severe… but was it possible that he could have… was it possible that the blood could have mixed in time? There was nothing wrong with the rest of his body. So… was it possible that he had… that the blood had contaminated his… somehow… against all odds… saving his life?

Tim didn’t want it to be true. Didn’t want any of this to be true. But deep down he knew it was the only thing that made sense. He was still himself. No anger, at least not enough to make him suspect the Lazarus Pit. He couldn’t think of anything else that could have brought him back from such a state… and return him to… well… better than he was even before the Dick-cident. It… it had to be that. He hated it with every fiber of his being but… it was the only thing that made sense to him. It had to be…

The sound of slow, mocking applause filled the room, and Tim whipped around to see a figure walking out of one of the darkest corners of the warehouse. He recognized the blue and black suit easily and grimaced.

“Well done, Baby Bird. Well done,” the figure – Dick… no… Nightwing – called to him. “Gotta say… I’m actually impressed. Normally I would have expected you to figure that out much sooner than you did but… I cut you some slack considering the whole…” he began, gesturing to his head and then making a squishing movement before continuing on, “But despite your little… setback… you figured it out in pretty good time. Superspeed does help for cutting down the time between frantic stops to the places where your loved ones died though, doesn’t it?” Nightwing teased, earning a snarl from Tim. Superspeed? Had… had he been moving faster than normal? Tim wasn’t sure what scared him more: the fact that he had superspeed or the fact that he hadn’t noticed it.

“What do you want?” he snapped at Nightwing, who threw up his hands defensively.

“No need to get so aggressive, Baby Bird. I understand why you might feel that you need to be, but relax, would you? I’m here to make you an offer,” Nightwing explained, and Tim took a step back.

“I want nothing from you except for maybe your death!” Tim screamed at him, and Nightwing rolled his eyes.

“I swear, everyone in this family is so overdramatic,” he muttered, and Tim gawked at this.

“Says Mr. Drama King Nightwing himself!” he shot back, and Nightwing… actually laughed at this. It sounded so much like Dick’s laugh. Kind. Soft. Sweet. Like Dick had been… like Tim’s big brother had been… but the man standing in front of him was not his brother. Dick was dead, Tim told himself, and no matter how much this man looked like him and sounded like him, it wasn’t him.

“Alright, you have a point there. But really, Tim. There is no need for all this hostility. I came here to… offer a redo. I want you to join me, Baby Bird. I want you to become part of the family. The new family,” Nightwing offered, walking towards Tim. Tim stepped back until he was back into a corner, and even then, kept a defiant look on his face. “I want my little brother back, Timmy. I… I was rash and I made a mistake. And I’m sorry for that, Tim. I really, really am,” he said, and he sounded so sincere… and maybe he was, but it hardly mattered now, “But you are here now. You – no, we – have a second chance. So please, Tim, just say you will join me,” Nightwing asked again, and Tim wasted no time giving his answer: a wad of spit on Nightwing’s shoe.

“That clear enough for you?” he growled, and Nightwing sighed. He turned around and started heading towards the door.

“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Us Bats were always so stubborn,” he pouted. “No matter though. You will learn to love me again one day, Tim. One day, you will call me your brother once again, and we will be family. You will see. But for now…” Nightwing said before pausing to snap his fingers. And Tim felt himself moving towards Nightwing, his body completely out of his control. His eyes were wide, and he tried to fight it, but his efforts were pointless. He walked until he was at Nightwing’s side, and the Vampire King smiled at him. It was Dick’s smile… and it shattered Tim’s heart into a thousand pieces. Tim began to sob, and Nightwing pulled him into a tight hug. Tim wanted to push him away. Wanted to force him back. But he could do nothing but lean into the hug as Nightwing began to whisper into his ear, “I’m sorry, Baby Bird. I wish I didn’t have to do this. To you or Jason. But I knew… I knew what our family was like, and I couldn’t risk you betraying me so… so I had Diana use a special type of bite. My blood mixed with hers when he drank… it was a long shot but… it seems to have worked. See Tim… this bite… it will make sure you never betray me,” he explained, “But don’t worry, Tim. It won’t be like this forever. One day you will learn to trust me without needing my… persuasion. And then I will be able to trust you too, and we can be brothers just like before. Doesn’t that sound nice, Timmy?” he asked, and he moved back, smiling that same sweet, kind, Dick smile. And Tim found himself smiling back, even though the tears were still freely flowing down his face. And then he felt his lips moving on their own, the words being torn from his throat. Words that made him feel sick to hear, and yet which he was powerless to stop as they escaped from his quivering lips:

“Whatever you say, big brother.”

[corbietalons]

Hey I’m back and a lot has happened! Anyway, I have a new blog but please DM/ask me for the url. I’m sorry to say right now it’s mostly Warhammer 40k in general/Necrons specifically.

Quick rundown of major life events that happened in the last 5 years for everyone who only knows me on here:

1. I finally stopped running from the trans thoughts I’ve expended a ridiculous amount of effort fighting since ~2009. I use they/he and I’m out everywhere but work. I want to apologize for every shitty trans/enbyphobic thing I’ve ever said; it came from a place of deep denial and self-loathing.

2. Related to why I’m finally out: I had a preventive hysterectomy last year. One of the actually valid reasons I had for not medically transitioning was my major genetic susceptibility to uterine cancer. T doesn’t increase the risk much in normal people, but taking it before would have been asking for turbocancer.

3. Through an absurdly unlikely series of events, I went from what looked like a hopeless rock bottom to landing a steady job and two subsequent promotions. I now make about my parents’ combined income when I was a kid, adjusted for inflation. (However, I’m looking elsewhere due to offshoring concerns. If your place is hiring a technical/content writer/manager with low-level management experience, hit me up!)

4. Said job allowed me to buy a nice little house just outside Austin. I’ll hopefully never have to deal with the bullshit of renting again, something I never imagined could happen as of even two years ago.

5. My cat, William, died a few months after my last post here and Mr. Butts followed him two years later. I have since acquired a Chihuahua/Dachshund mix for convoluted reasons, but the short explanation is she adopted me as an emotional support human a couple years ago. I now no longer hate little dogs. I also just got a 4-month-old kitten. They’re both excellent creatures.

6. Between life finally giving me some major wins and continued therapy, I am in an excellent place mentally. Not spending a majority of my waking hours consumed by rage is a welcome new experience.

7. The D&D stuff I was working on in 2018 came out and was pretty well-received (here and here). WotC also contracted me to write a mediocre Adventurers League module that I’m less proud of (but made some nice dosh).

I think that catches everything up. See you around!

[shalvis]

Lrb it’s closer to 7 than 6,,,

I started on the last day of February! I have like three facial hairs that feel thick like beard hair is supposed to that I keep pulling out bc it’s a nervous habit, but the other hair along my jaw and in the mustache area is longer than it was. My voice has dropped a little but I think I still seem like a cis woman to onlookers.

The rest of it has just been anger issues and sweating and crying a lot more and getting ocd (I had it the whole time but it’s rlly noticeable now) and acne and wanting to nut a lot.

I have my 6 month bloodwork in a few days and I’m so nervous that my levels will be shit or I’ll mention breakthrough bleeding and they’ll want me to switch to injections when needles make me pass out,

I’m also rlly worried about things like cholesterol and blood pressure. I know t increases those and I’m a fat guy, my dad and his brothers don’t seem to have blood and heart issues. I can’t rlly trust it but I had blood work in 2021 and I was told that my cholesterol and triglycerides are higher than they should be and I wasn’t on t yet, but it was the same place that wrongly told me I’m prediabetic when I am not. And the same place that prescribed me medication that they shouldn’t have bc it could have made me lose weight. I am hoping to bring this up when I get my blood drawn again that I’m like. Worried about these things.

I’m autistic and have horrible limitations on what foods I can eat without feeling sick and the rules have gotten even stricter in the last few years I basically can’t eat meat at all anymore and I’m having a hard time getting a balanced diet. I had an eating disorder in high school so I already have a bad relationship with diet advice or nutrition guidelines because I have next to no interest in losing weight but I feel like anyone I ask (doctors anyway) will try to put me on a weight loss thing.

I’m also really just. Afraid. That I’m putting my t on wrong or my body isn’t absorbing it right bc I don’t feel like I’m changing anymore. I have been jobless for ten days and that’s felt way longer so there’s a chance that time just isn’t flowing right for me anymore since I lost my structure in life.

And I’m having a lot of emotions about various life events outside of transitioning and it’s isolated me a lot and I really need to reach out more and have more active friendships. Like friendships where I talk to them frequently and call/stream/whatever to spend time with them and not just. Stare at their name on discord and be afraid to message bc we haven’t talked in 6 months.

I don’t know why I’m posting this all but I guess it’s bc I’m anxious. Maybe I’ll look at this in therapy and have an actual productive meeting.

[markerofthemidnight]

sorry for the late ask abt my abno concept, i was gonna send images but i forgot you cant send links over anon asks .. T-01-13 ; "Small Nurse" -> "Saccharine" it looks like a light pink stuffed animal with no arms, and fluffy bunny ears which have white insides. it has a nurse cap with a pink heart that's the same color as its torso, and it has a zipper on it's torso too it looks like a bunny to be more approachable, its more like a costume honestly its main goal is to help people! it's seen the violence in the world, so it wants to make people happy by making them see everything as candy, which makes them see gore as candy too the basic concept rlly is that it's a "nurse" that can be assigned to give ur agents candy pills it gives the pills by opening the zipper and reaching out to hand them over those pills can slightly boost their stats, however if used over 3 times on the same agent, said nugget will go into a crazed state (similar to what signing machine does), and start 2 kill ur other ones. it likes repression and attachment work, which will probably tie into their story once i finalize everything here also sorry for it not being that organized btw idk how to put my thoughts together that well...

wake up babe the company drug dealer was just extracted

Jokes aside, I really like this concept! Saccharine is a very good girl :)

For my two cents on how this would work: Its risk classification is about… what, HE? If it can be assigned specifically to give your agents pills, maybe that’s a unique work called “Medicate”, probably replacing Instinct!

The pills themselves increase every stat except Justice. After cracking open one of their coworkers like a piñata, Addicted employees cannibalise them to recover HP.

Her EGO is called something like Sugar Rush, Substance Abuse, Prescription, Lovesick, or hell, just Saccharine, like Laetitia and her gear. Whatever you think is the most thematically appropriate.

It’s not exactly the best HE gear out there, but still worth the PE-boxes, and there’s plenty of it to go around (the max for the Suit is 3, the Weapon’s max is 2, and only the weapon has a stat requirement: a measly Level 3 Temperance).

Her Gift is a nurse hat that applies bonuses to Temperance and Fortitude, and her Suit is a doctor’s uniform with great defence against Red (because it defends against physical threats, which illnesses would technically count as).

The Weapon is a Black club: specifically, a pinkish-purple piñata bat (to once again pull piñata symbolism with the Agents) with medical needles sticking out from it for some extra “you really do not want to be hit by this”.

Sorry, I went a bit too hard on this. Hope you enjoyed anyways!

[raayllum]

like i have not spent ages thinking about how far i can push rayllum to be borderline unhealthy while also giving them room to walk back from the brink and still have a healthy relationship with each other to Not be excited the show is exploring the exact same thing - Could you please explain the above with regards to your fic? Like maybe some scenarios we can expect? Especially around the whole unhealthy relationship traits :) Love messy relationships in stories :)

re: this post

So one of my favourite things about TDP is that they emphasize, time and time again, that you can deeply love someone and they can deeply love you, and yet that doesn't mean 1) the relationship can't be or cannot become unhealthy and 2) that genuine love can be precisely what destroys the relationship / the people in it anyway. Ex: Harrow and Viren's entire decades long fuckery, Rayla and Runaan (re: he loved her too much to see she wasn't fit to be an assassin), Harrow's love for Sarai being so warped he does something she would never want or approve of to assuage his own rage and grief/guilt (and Viren pushing Harrow to take revenge for similar reasons), even Callum and Claudia to a degree, etc. Even the healthiest of relationships have periods or patterns of unhealthiness and in a series all about breaking harmful cycles, it’s particularly apt, tragic, and interesting

I always figured we saw the beginnings of this in TTM / that Rayla's tendency to go off on her own (and self-sacrifice) was going to be, in many ways, their biggest hurdle to face. Callum also has self destructive tendencies when it comes to magical desperation (2x04 and 2x07) but he also has self-preservation and optimism, even as he verges closer to where Rayla stands in S4.

Basically: the fundamental misunderstanding of TTM, in which Rayla chooses Callum by leaving, and Callum views her as choosing the mission over him by staying away, is undeniably tragic with both of them being right and both of them being wrong, and we see that follow through into S4 (Callum asking Rayla to kill him and thinking it's something she would viably do in the first place). This relationship between love as transformation (positive change), salvation (life), and destruction (death) and the razor's edge between all of them is something I've thought a lot about within Rayllum's bond in general, since it's also a big theme in the show that we come back to time and time again, and theirs is the relationship it probably manifests in the most every season:

Will this thing help me or hurt me? Will it save me or kill me?

“Wow. So they look identical, but they might kill you or they might save you,” Callum said.

“Exactly. Just like me…” Rayla smiled.

It's a level of symbolic and interpersonal intensity I just can't get enough, as well as the inherent risk in it: Callum, reckless, driven, relentless, barreling towards what might be his own destruction because he just can't resist. Rayla, more cautious and more aware, so scared of pulling others down with her and cognizant that she'll go down with the ship (Callum's ship) to the very end. This was all present to me and one of my favourite ideas to explore pre-S4's release, so I think it's very unsurprising that the "I need you to kill me" scene from 4x07 ended up being my favourite scene in the season, because it's thematically richer than beyond anything I ever dreamed of going in.

"Desperate Measures," now firmly canon divergent, focuses on Rayla going undercover in a Xadian dark mage guild when Callum stumbles across her and gets entwined in the lie, as he refuses to just leave her there. The emotional toll of the increasingly unethical and awful things they have to do, the anger and hurt and love they still hold for one another that they can't reveal to anyone else, and their increasing resentment towards one another (Rayla is trying to spare him, Callum is trying to keep her safe at expense to himself) understandably pushes them to their limits and makes them resort to, well, some desperate measures in order to keep the other person Safe, if deeply unhappy.

This includes having to 1) downplay their connection and history together, omitting massive chunks of it, 2) going along on some dark magic hunts and both participating in ingredient collection, 3) increasingly losing a sense of self, etc. Again, all things we see little peeks of in S4, in terms of Rayla being far more jaded, both of them being pretty lost without the other, not talking about their relationship as much because of everything going on, being frustrated and hurt but refusing to / being unable to walk away from each other or let go.

However, one of my favourite things about pushing an otherwise healthy relationship to that extreme is keeping it together enough that it can be healthy again, and what that journey would look like. So it's a pretty bleak fic, I think, but not devoid of hope and affection - just a lot of anguish, too.

Overall I think this line sums up the analysis and the fic quite well:

“I can’t!” Callum burst, his chest heaving. “I can’t stop caring—I don’t fucking hate you―that’s the problem!”

When you love someone so much they destroy you, just a little (or a lot)? Yeah

[cuiizhu]

Helios Rising Heroes - Rise on GoldenXXSection

Note:

This entire event story is an April Fools AU. None of its contents are within Helios's canon, but it does reflect the plotline of Main Story CH14 - First Storm and is best appreciated after reading said chapter. Go read it if you haven't yet, it's very good.

Chapter 1:

Akira: HELL YEAH! The Genius Idol, Ootori Akira’s back at it! Gonna work at Voltage Max again today! 

Dino: Good morning, Akira-kun. You’re as lively as ever~ perfect marks♪

Akira: Hehe♪ Ain’t that right~

Asch: Oi, greet people properly. 

Akira: Haah? I just did, and happily too! 

Asch: That wasn’t a greeting. It was just a big monologue. 

Akira: …Shit, don’t say things that ruin the mood. Even you don’t greet us all the time either.  

Asch: Aah??? Don’t fuck with me, shithead. 

Gast: Now now. Why don’t we turn the voltage down a notch instead of maxing it within the first minute of arriving at work, both of you? 

Akira: Gast! Don’t steal MY Voltage Max! 

Gast: It’s not stealing…. And anyways, where’d you get the idea that Asch isn’t greeting us? 

Gast: He’s more thorough than any of us, you usually just don’t see it. 

Akira: Eeh….? 

Asch: In the first place, you’re always arriving later than me. Know your place. 

Akira: Guh…..

Asch: For a rookie to do it this often…Do you want to learn this lesson the painful way? 

Akira: The hell, you wanna go? 

Gast: Oi, quit it…. Asch too, don’t let it get to ya. 

Asch: Hmph. 

Dino: Let’s just calm down you guys. Look, here’s the piping hot pizza that just arrived~

Akira: You ordered pizza again!? Everytime I come here, this agency’s always got pizza. 

Asch: It’s not the agency’s fault, it’s this guy’s. This pizzahead bitch never gets tired of ordering it day in and day out. 

Dino: I’ll never get tired of it! One pizza per day! Then I’ll be happy, and everyone will be happy! 

Dino: Definitely, love and peace…..☆

Gast: Ahaha, there it is. Dino’s inscrutable motto. 

Asch: Tsk, who’s ever heard of an idol that eats nothing but pizza everyday. …..How have you not gained weight? 

Dino: I won’t gain weight. In fact, it’s full of benefits for health and beauty! See? If you eat pizza, it’ll be love and peace …..☆

Asch: Stop shitting around…. speak like a normal person.

 

Akira: Dino’s supposed to be our leader, right? At first glance, he seems normal, but I don’t really understand…. 

Akira: Hm? Gast, whatchu lookin’ at? 

Gast: Our fanclub site. Subscribers seem to be on the rise.

Akira: Oh!? What’s that feel like !?

Gast: Take a look…our followers on social media are steadily increasing, and results from searchin’ your own name feels pretty great. 

Gast: For a while there were some rumors of member disagreements that’d pop up, but that’s calmed down since. 

Dino: Ahaha, there it is~. I think everyone’s realized Asch’s lone wolf persona.

Asch: Aah? This ain’t a persona.  

Dino: Is that so? Well, even so, it just means they’ve accepted who you are as a person, I’m glad ♪

Asch: ……Tch….

Akira: Ah! By the way, there was talk of using our song in a commercial right? Any updates on that?

Gast: Aah that, huh. That kinda talk…

Dino: That huh~ It’s a shame but it seems that’s a dead end. Apparently they picked another song last minute. 

Akira: Seriously!? Man, and I was so looking forward to it…..

Dino: There there…these sorts of things happen all the time, so don’t get too down in the dumps. There’ll be plenty of other chances soon enough. 

Asch: ….Plenty my ass? 

Asch: We’ve been like this since before the rookie’s arrival. We’re not at a level where these offers come handed to us on a silver platter. 

Dino: You think so? Between the conditions and power balance within the agency, so on and so forth—I think it depends a lot on those kinds of circumstances…..

Dino: But I think first priority should go to whether we fit what they’re looking for. 

Dino: “This is what I wanted! This is exactly what I was looking for!” —till we get those kinds of feedback, let’s keep giving our all♪

Asch: Tsk, if only the industry were so simple—

Akira: You mean, till you’re the strongest idol! Leave it to me, I’ll shut everyone up! 

Dino: Akira-kun…..!

Akira: Let’s aim to have the most fans in Japan, no, in the WORLD! Voltage Max!!!

Asch: Turn it down….

Masterlist || Next

[system-of-a-feather]

(CW: Vent, CSA, grooming, blind trust / faith / following, physical abuse mention)

Honestly, some talk about our oldest sister, but I find it very very fucking satisfying to see how poorly her relationship with the rest of the family tanked the moment I realized the damage she did to us and refused to serve her anymore. Among many other things - much more nefarious and fucked up - she raised us to be her personal attack dog and to blindly defend her regardless and I kid you not, growing up - when she was there, when she WASNT there, when she was miles away and not doing herself any services - I spoke for and adovcated for and kept secrets for her to keep her image in our family clean, to counter the THREE times she had been disowned by our parents, to make sure our parents kept an open door for her. She did nothing to keep in good graces with the family other than sometimes playing nice with them but deadass told me the only reason she came to any of the parties was to be with me.

Which cute, wonderful and all, but the bitch fucking wanted that support from our family and its been like what? Two years or so? Since we cut ties with her? Stopped reporting our life to her every two weeks? Stopped keeping secrets of shit she did and said to keep her image clean? Stopped coming up with reasons and excuses for her behavior?

And what now? Our parents, who are the ever "good parents" tolerate her - barely and disgruntled? My middle sister acknowledges her as a right wing Amazon-working transphobic and possibly homophobic republican when my sister is MORE radical left in a number of areas than we are and what? She's now avoiding me and the family for holidays which makes our middle sister - who has BPD - take that as a massive slight and worsens that relationship? Increases the distance between her and the parents?

Good man. Good, stay away.

You aren't welcome here and I'm so fucking glad shes not coming that I was not even sardonic when my mom told me she actually decided to double back and just not come again.

Honestly, I don't have to wish her ill because honestly, she makes her own life horrible and ruins her relationships without me anyways and its been a never ending sense of schadenfreude to watch her ruin her own shit.

I also will say, I don't think I am over the sheer level of disrespect and realization as to how little respect and value she held to me when after YEARS and YEARS of fighting our family (both physically and verbally) for her, after being a blind loyal fucking dog to her for years, after being OK with all the garbage she exposed us to, handed us off to, and hurt us - she decided that she drew the line at me *checks notes* saying I need space for one holiday because *check notes* her husband who is / was ten years older than me when I was a minor was sending me *checks notes* a shit ton of pornography games when *checks notes* I was already a known grooming / CSA survivor that *checks notes* she at least enable and possibly *checks notes* facilitated.

Apparently, being her ride or die who blindly and faithfully believed anything she told us (even to the point of believing we had 2D vision and had special vision at age 14-16), APPARENTLY she wasn't sure if she would be able to still walk with me if I *checks notes* stated that I needed emotional space because I was processing CSA trauma and her husband - while not the main perpetrator - was enough of a part of that to the point it made me extremely uncomfortable.

I had literally made the decisions that I was aware she played a large role in that and made the decision that I was going to give her the benefit of the doubt, the benefit of my thousands of excuses and contexts that I used to get her out of shit with our parents, and say I would forgive her and that I understood despite her never ONCE apologizing. I was completely overlooking it and letting it fly for her role in it, all I needed was for ONE holiday that her creepy fucking weeb ass husband maybe DIDNT talk to me beyond basic pleasantries. And *that* was too much.

I'm honestly kind of thankful she drew that line (and then proceeded to DARVO and victim blame me) cause I really don't know if I could have ever taken the XIV part of my brain seriously about how much he hated her and how toxic she was because at the time, most of our system saw her as our only ally growing up.

XIV won that, and he was absolutely fucking right about her and well damn man, bless XIV being right.

But anyways, I had mentioned her in terms of Christmas and remembered its like the second anniversary of her completely being a total bitch about shit and TOTALLY dropping the ball on her blindly loyal attack dog and getting the fuck bit out of her.

Fucking angry bless hallelujah a fucking bitch ate shit.

Best thing she ever did was be such an idiot it made me realize she was a fucking toxic parasite that needed me far far far far far more than I need her.

Cause fuck her man. She can fucking sit in her castle of shit and cry about it as if she didn't build it herself.

[lavenderfeminist]

Hello. I have a question and I don’t know if you’ve talked about this before because I’m fairly new to your blog. I also haven’t heard other people talk about it either, but until pretty recently I wouldn’t really use social media so it’s possible people have talked about it and I just don’t know. I’m also curious as to what you have to say. Anyway I don’t know why I’m giving such a long introduction lmao it’s a simple question.

So, you know how gender isn’t real (in an innate biological way) and I’ve recently become quite critical of what it means to be trans if gender is not this innate thing. But something that I can’t wrap my head around is how when people transition, they discover that their sexuality is different. Like there will be lesbians who were like 100% certain of their homosexuality and then they transition and find that they are attracted to men. Sometimes they’ll even quit being attracted to women entirely. And they’ll say stuff like “testosterone makes you gay”. Before, I wouldn’t think too much of it, I would think about that episode in The L Word where Max is transitioning and realizing he likes men when he was a butch lesbian before and he says something along the lines of “it’s not about wether you’re attracted to men or women specifically, it’s about same-sex attraction” sort of stating that since he’s a man now he likes men because he’s same-sex attracted. But now that I’m thinking about how the concept of having a gender identity doesn’t make sense, there’s just male and female, and being same-sex attracted is liking one or the other forever, I’m confused. Does this mean that people like Max were bisexual after all? Does this mean that how you identify with your gender has some sort of impact on your attractions? What does that mean for people who wish for the abolition of gender? How does that explain former lesbians who now aren’t even attracted to women? I doubt they were straight all along. I have never been attracted to men (nor have I ever had the desire to transition), but if I went on T, would I magically start liking men? This is so confusing!!!

Anyway I said it was a simple question and then followed with a whole bunch lmao but thanks for reading anyway✨. No pressure to answer by the way, just curious on what you think.

I wrote my entire response to this and then tumblr deleted it 😭 Here we go again.

The first thing I want to point out is that male homosexuality and female homosexuality are two separate entities. Yes, I relate to and connect with gay men on a social level over our shared experience of homosexuality, but that doesn’t necessarily mean we’re homosexual through the same biological mechanisms. For example, there’s no female counterpart to the fraternal birth order effect. A man’s statistical likelihood of being homosexual increases with his number of older brothers, but there’s currently no recognized phenomenon where a woman’s likelihood of being homosexual is linked in any way to her number of older siblings or their sex. That’s because the hormone they believe is responsible for the fraternal birth order effect influences the development of attraction to males; in a woman, that’s not going to make her a lesbian. I personally believe there are unrecognized phenomena related to the development of lesbianism specifically, which obviously would not have the same effect in males. Of course, there are also some mechanisms that affect both sexes, such as the genes that might be responsible for high instances of both female and male homosexuals in certain families. I don’t think I’m homosexual only as a matter of genes, and that’s not concerning to me. There are no other instances of homosexuality in my family that I know of, so it makes sense to me that I developed this way through mechanisms beyond the genetic material I received from my parents. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t born this way.

Why am I saying all this? Well, because I think Max from The L Word is full of shit. First of all, Max is a character: a representation of a human being, not a human being who actually exists in the world. What that means is that Max was created by living breathing human beings, who have their own beliefs and biases towards homosexuality that are inevitably reflected in her character (hint hint). Second of all, cross-sex hormones…don’t change your sex. A female on testosterone is still female. So even if we believe there are some mechanisms which result in same-sex attraction (rather than male attraction or female attraction), they’re not going to change their presentation in one person, because humans can’t change sex. Max is materially bisexual; she was seemingly attracted to just women for a long time, and now seemingly just men. We’ve all heard of the “bi-cycle” before, where a bisexual person can experience attraction to just one sex for a stretch of time, and then just the other for a stretch of time. This is not uncommon among bisexuals, and that’s in cases where they’re not taking a cross-sex hormone that has the known effect of *drum roll* increasing your sex drive.

Once, when going for a walk with my (to my knowledge at that time, lesbian) ex girlfriend, she lightheartedly confessed to me that she “only fantasize[d] about men when [she was] really, really horny.” If you imagine that I was taken aback, you’d be correct. That is the farthest thing from my experience. Being turned on doesn’t make me more receptive to thoughts of men, it makes me more disgusted by any thought of them. I’m never more hot and bothered for women (and repulsed by men) than when I’m ovulating (which happens to be when women’s testosterone levels increase). It’s not a far-fetched idea to me that if you’re a bisexual woman with a much more significant attraction to women, testosterone is going make you pay more attention to your less-apparent attraction to men. And without getting controversial, if you’re the kind of person to dismiss your attraction to men and call yourself a lesbian, it’s utterly unsurprising to me that once you’re paying more attention to men you’re going to jump right over to calling yourself a gay man. That’s far more believable to me than that testosterone can literally turn a lesbian straight.

Conclusion? No, gender identity doesn’t influence sexuality. No, the abolition of gender does not mean the abolition of homosexuality. Yes, I consider people like Max bisexual. No, testosterone doesn’t turn lesbians straight; bisexuals exist, and they’re very comfortable claiming labels that don’t fit them even before adding in a regressive belief in gender identity.

[ashers-transition]

2 Months T Update (February 13, 2023)

If you're wondering if I'm ever going to post one of these on time, the answer is no. Anyway, here's my two months update!

Just like before, I will be skipping over anything that hasn't changed and only discussing the changes that I have noticed.

My other transition logs can be found here:

Pre T 1 Month

Please check my pinned post for more info about me and why I started this blog!

CWs: eye contact (in video), discussion of menstruation, discussion of appetite and disordered eating.

(If I’ve missed any content warnings that I should include, please let me know and I will add them in).

Facial Hair

Prior to starting T, I already some darker hairs around my upper lip. It's hard to tell for sure, but I believe I not have slightly more in that area. It's still not very noticeable, especially at a distance. Here are some comparisons, with the first image in the set being pre T and the second being now (2 months on T).

Menstrual Cycle

In my pre T post, I mention that I struggle with chronic pain, and that I get a flare whenever I get my period, with the first day being the worst. I started a new pain medication around three months ago that has lessened those flares enough for me to be functional during them.

For my second period on T, things started to change. This time around, I did not have any extra pain while on my period (at least, not enough for me to be able to tell in addition to my usual pain). That being said, I did have a much longer period than usual, with a much much lighter flow. It was light enough that I could go through a whole day without bleeding through a liner, but my period itself did last for three weeks. I talked to my doctor about this and she did say that this is something that can happen, so there isn't any need for concern.

I know having a month long period sucks, but considering my usual pain when I'm on my period, I honestly would rather have longer, lighter periods with no pain than more "normal" ones with pain.

Acne

I have once again noticed a slight increase in acne. It still is within the realm of a normal breakout for me, but I might try switching up my skin care routine if it gets much worse*. If anyone has any tips let me know, lol.

(*note: I fully believe that acne is a neutral feature and is not inherently bad. It only becomes an issue if it starts negatively affecting you; for example, if it becomes painful. I personally struggle with BFRBs, and acne can be a trigger for me).

Energy Levels, Pain, and POTS

I already struggle with fatigue quite a bit, but honestly this past month was more rough than usual. I think it might be related to being on my period for a full three weeks, but I ended up taking multiple naps most days and sleeping odd hours in general. This isn't completely unusual for me, but I haven't had it to that extent in a while.

As for pain and POTS symptoms, I haven't noticed a difference. I did faint once, which is not common for me, but it was in a controlled environment (medical testing).

Appetite

I have noticed a bit more of an increase in my appetite. It isn't that big of a difference, but I am more consistently eating 3 meals a day, sometimes with snacking in between.

Voice

I'm starting to notice more of a difference in my voice. While still not too bad, my voice has been cracking more than usual lately. I'm unable to pretend-scream as easily as I was before (I get dramatic when playing video games), and I also am struggling more when singing in the car lol. That being said, no one has mentioned noticing a difference in my voice other than one of my partners, who I showed a direct comparison to my pre T voice.

[Video description: A waist high video of Asher talking to the camera. End video description.]

[Video transcript: "Hi, my name is Asher, and this is my voice 2 months on T."]

Other

In my last update I mentioned that I'm planning on switching to taking injections due to a reaction I had to the gel. I have not switched yet (gotta wait for insurance stuff), but I have started rotating the application area more than I had been previously and it has helped a bit. By my next update, I will be on injections.

[the-firebird69]

In the meantime we have more people running to the stashes and caches and it is speeding up because they're found out mostly Trump is there and Trump is sending more forces as we thought between the both it's around 4.5% and increasing steadily by the end of the day it'll probably be 5.5% in total and that's ridiculous we can't have that we were also in receipt of several threats from people we don't usually receive threats running threats from no we're getting them from Trump and he's threatening her son so we don't want to hear it anymore if you do it you're going to get killed you don't have any patience for your kind at all anyways you little s***. And we're going to start hitting them but that is a high percentage out of 11.5% and half of them that are there are gone so it's really 9.5% and it's true and it's going to go down it's a giant giant Purge of complete idiot.

-and he's telling Michael too earlier today is such a dick and is a p**** and stuff and he wants to set him up and he did and he was complaining a little but what he says is you have to be a management upper level management and you have to be our smoke screen and go between and most of the companies anything s*** real slowly and he says come on Mr handshake you can do better than that and he is and you guys are managing these facilities managing the companies getting the materials there and the product out online on time that we helped you set up a lot and it works the point of sale stuff the marketing research looking at the demographics and actual supply and demand and and you know you're keeping a lot of it balanced and it was going well and not to mention the day-to-day factory operations but it's going to be more than what John Lord does cuz you're not on the bottom and not many Max were there and they were pests and we're helping so it'll work pretty good there's a lot of companies that he wants to do there's a bad guy sometimes course both companies shutting down and he wants to know how long would it take to modify the process and what we say is we'll use the current process we think change of sugar out take away some of the preservatives that make you poop and when you modify the process just boiling longer and we can add to it when we get the construction company is going and he likes the answer this is a real one and that's what a manager does and he's going to get our son back he says it's how it works that was her son Michael 2 says back no it is not but I taught you that you suck worked a little. And our son says cookie got by forever holding his head was really couldn't think and the trumps that he couldn't think and they left him alone but really he couldn't think. It worked for a long time

... I'd like to thank our friend here for doing that to me cuz I can see that it kind of worked I'd like to do it to him but it's happening all the time for no good reason now I see why you're probably managing all these companies again and it's really where we want to be and we thought we'd be on the bottom but no but he's really listening has been saying it a little is realistic and we done some issues and problems but we can work them out it's with logistics and concerns about contamination and it's due to where facilities are and like five of the 10 Budweiser plans I've been contaminated with radiation and a defunct and our son says we don't have 30 years to wait for it to rot so we will get together and investigate and test them all with permanent preliminary investigations then you do more testing and you have shut down phase a demonstrate he's on my lunch the demolish it if necessary and he likes it and the answer is real and we're going to start meeting about these companies and that's on the list has true but the remaining five we can keep up with demand and reopen 10 in the outer areas and he says good baby and really it's a must cuz your people live on this stuff and he wants to start up the Clydesdale operation which is way to get people to hired interested as well as selling the beer and it says you do private events and we can do that then hiring events too this is imagine going to a job fair and having two Budweiser horse and buggy pull up and you can ride around the block and he said that's ridiculous and it'll be like a Brewers hiring and whiskey and vodka and beer and we can do this kind of thing in these centers and get people interested and he wants to do that and he'll have his people flow in so it's going to happen and this is a great ideas and he wants to be involved and you guys know how to do that. Hera can help him be on q and stuff and without her he'll ignore everything

And she thanks for you and she thinks me. It's true there's other companies so they're pretty big we're going to get back to it in a minute I feel we will

Thor Freya

Olympus

[yandere-daze]

I've got a kinda crack fic idea for the Enstars self-aware AU! What if the player had a bad habit of raging at the rhythm game? Sometimes getting so angry that they throw their phone across the room when they get a Bad, Miss, or mess up their perfect combo?

While the player's phone breaking isn't necessarily an end-of-the-world scenario, it's not ideal for the idols and Anzu to be separated from the player until they get a new phone. They've gotta do something before that happens! Some of the characters would probably try telling the player to calm down and that it's just a game, there's no need to get so upset! Others might try messing with the game's code, either enabling Accuracy or upgrading it far beyond the max level somehow. If it means making that the player is happy, then it's worth it, right? Even if it's cheating a bit.

nsdkfsfsl oof

I tend to be able to stay relatively calm when playing the game but I do definitely get disappointed or frustrated when I just barely don´t full combo a song. Flashbacks to that one time while doing the tour event where it was required to get a certain number of full combos and I was doing super well the entire time only for my fingers to decide to be too lazy to press the button for the spp? Like I saw the icons pass by the screen and for some reason I just didn´t tap it??? It was so strange but all I could think of the entire time was "why did I do that😭"

gn reader

tw yandere

The characters panicking when the player almost breaks their phone out of frustration

But you would certainly frighten the characters if you suddenly just threw your phone into a corner, they´re so scared that you might have accidentally broken your phone! What if that happened and you couldn´t play the game anymore and had to get a new phone?? They specifically chose you to be their darling, what if they can´t find you again if you get a new phone? What if you can´t recover your account and so you will have to start completely over and you won´t have all of the cards everyone worked so hard for? You wouldn´t be able to regain their event cards that you now would have obviously missed until the memorial coins are added and even then it would take a really long time to get enough of them to get an old event 5 star😭

They´re so scared for what´s about to happent that they absolutely would comment on it when you went back to your home screen, practically begging you to stay calm and telling you that you still did a great job in their eyes! There´s always next time, right? So please don´t get too upset!

Omg yes, some of the ones that tend to worry a lot or the ones that have abandonment issues like Nazuna, Mika or Ritsu might try to mess with the game´s system to increase the accuracy to make sure you won´t fail again.You probably won´t notice anyway, right? And if it means you´ll be happy and stay with them longer than anything is fine in their eyes

[kimabutch]

Time for another T update I think! It's been 37.5 weeks since I've started, which is 1.5 weeks longer than I was meaning to wait before another update, but work + life has been very very busy.

I thought my increased appetite had mostly levelled off, but then I started lifting again a couple weeks ago and fuck, it's genuinely difficult to consume enough food to feel full for any length of time, even when I try to add more protein to my meals. The other day I woke up, ate a full breakfast, went to the gym, immediately ate a club sandwich, worked for a couple of hours, and was still hungry by the time lunch came around. It's wild.

On the other hand, gains are coming much quicker, and basically immediately after I started going back to the gym, I've lost a fair bit of fat in my butt, which is an area that's always made me extremely dysphoric.

My vocal cords have definitely gone through their own growth spurt, and it hurt for a while — a couple weeks of persistent sore throat that made me afraid I'd gotten Covid, despite taking many tests. However, I think my voice is also deepening, or at the very least filling out more, so that it sounds more even in a low range?

My facial hair continues to creep in further up my cheeks, though it's still impossible for me to grow anything more than a neckbeard + moustache (and I could grow a moustache pre-T lol). On the other hand, I have solid sideburns and imo they're pretty hot. I need to shave every few days if I want to stay visibly clean-shaven (and every couple days if I want to not feel the hairs).

Menstruation, injection, & NSFW under the cut

My period came back for a few days earlier this week, which kinda sucked. I'm not sure what that was about, except maybe that there were a couple of shots in a row where some T leaked out from the injection site afterwards, so maybe I haven't been getting my full dose (I think I've resolved the leaking issue by pinching a smaller area of skin to inject into & letting it go before pressing down the plunger, plus keeping the needle in for a few seconds after the injection.) Anyways, the period only lasted 4 days and was an extremely low flow, so I'm hoping it was a fluke.

Soooo I had sex for the first time since starting T and uhhhhhh wow it's different in a very good way! Easily the most comfortable-in-my-body I've ever been while having sex. Good shit.

Anyways! I'm doing really well! As I said, super busy, but largely in a good way! Things have been also progressing a bit with top surgery stuff, and if/when I get a date for that, I'll probably create a new tag to document that.