#I think too much about a fictional man's mental health and not enough about my own

[druidonity2]

I looked at my fanart of War Crimes with Anduin holding himself dying with Chromie, and I decided I wanted to draw more Anduin trauma with dragons...(wip)

[formyloveoflove]

Carmen Berzatto and the Very, Very Bad Work Environment

There is enough space to empathize with Carmen and hold him accountable for his actions. He’s trying very hard to change, but that doesn’t mean he’s not hurting people in the process.

“Hurt people hurt people,” isn’t that how the phrase goes? I don’t think he’s a monster. I do think because of his trauma, he’s tunnel-visioned on the worst parts of himself. And in doing so, he’s isolating himself.

It’s not the “If it’s not perfect, it doesn’t go out.” It’s the condescending tone, the dramatic performance of slamming it in the trash. It’s the anger that’s associated with it. You can still have this ideology without being mean or hurtful about it.

Carmen is stuck in “I’m going to smoke this motherfucker” mode. He views everyone in his staff as competition, and has a tendency to discredit or diminish their capabilities. He demands perfection on a BOH staff of three (?) that only has 1/3 of fine dining experience who have to produce a new menu every day for a failing restaurant. That’s all these different stressors coming into play. That’s

a new arena and standard for Tina, Richie, Marcus, Gary, etc.

with menu changes every day, there’s no comfort to fall into. There’s no rhythm. There’s no way to prepare.

they’re understaffed, so there’s no one coming to save you. sometimes, your calls for “hands” go unanswered. You have to juggle two, three, four things that you just learned to cook. Something’s going to get fucked up, and sent back. And Carmen’s going to yell at you about it. Also, if you want to take a mental health day, it could jeopardizes everything

in the midst of all of this, Richie and Carmen are screaming everyday. They have at least one physical altercation. If you don’t think constantly hearing two people argue all the time is damaging, then ask anybody who grew up in a dysfunctional household. Me, for example.

then the bitter realization that doing all of this is not making them money. My good man Ebra is though (and thank god he got some help bc he was threading water, too)

The Bear is a hostile work environment. Full stop. There’s constant aggression and ridiculing. Once, I worked in a hostile work environment for six months, and it caused me panic attacks, nightmares, and extreme bouts of depression. I cried coming to and from work because i wanted to leave, but I loved the kids that i worked with and i had no other options available. In those situations, “You’re trapped,” no pun intended (well, maybe a little pun intended).

And the consequences of a hostile work environment:

higher rates of stress, anxiety, burnout, depression, and other mental health issues in employees

decreased productivity

high turnover rates - we’re both told about this about the BOH staff and shown the FOH staff. Try counting how many of the wait staff stay in between debriefings

erosion of trust and morale

The course that Carmy’s set sail for is leading him straight to disaster.

There’s a reason we’re shown Carmen’s experience in other successful and starred kitchens that have welcoming environments. There’s a reason why we see Chef Terry shutdown Carmen’s aggression towards Luca. There’s a reason why we get “I think about you too much” and “I don’t think about you at all.” There’s a reason why we get “This place could be different than any other places we’ve been at.”

Now, I don’t think comparing the consequences of Carmy’s actions on those around him to those of Donna’s or NYC Head Chef’s on him is right. Everything happens on a spectrum, and I’m just not for creating hierarchies for people’s hurt in real life, so I try not to do in fictional cases either.

Carmen’s trying to work through some shit, so I’ll give credit where credit is due. I’ll give gold stars to anyone out there, trying to unlearn some negative habits and make themselves better. I’m doing it now, and that shits hard. However, I won’t be giving Carmen a cookie because he didn’t tell his staff to kill themselves like his old boss.

Carmen has to “change the chemistry.” He has to acknowledge that he, himself, is capable of change. And it can’t be because Syd said so. It would be hard for him, but I would love for him to look around and see what he’s done to his own staff and change. Not just want to change but actually change. With his double-guessing to both Syd and Ebra, it might not take him long to get there.

Mikey’s gone. His old chef doesn’t care.

There’s no one else to spite. Carmen has so much anger, resentment, and fear, but he, also, has his moments of happiness and laughter and courage. He, also, has so much love to give.

It’s very hard seeing a character that you love and can relate to become cold and distant and mean to other characters that you love and relate to. But we got another season, so I want to stick around for it.

[ca-suffit]

what are your thoughts on lestat/gabrielle bc parent-child incest is always abuse yet sometimes it feels like fans treat that r/s and akashastat as jokes, maybe bc they can’t recognise female abusers or bc they don’t understand abusers (i.e. lestat) can be and often are victims of abuse themselves.

I already know this is gonna be a rly long reply bcuz there's a lot to talk about to answer this.

gonna put it under a cut for what the topics are. don't click if u don't want to read about incest and abuse obviously.

first, as I've said in other asks here and there, fandom does have a lot of problems with criticizing at least white women in fiction bcuz it's too much of a mirror held up to what fandom spaces are usually made up of to begin with. this is also why darker topics become jokes. it's all a way to create distance for engagement, whether the distance is not to look at urself or maybe ur own trauma (it's usually both here). I've seen a lot of this in the book side of the fandom over the years. it's also why lots of stuff is focused on surface level words ("it's gothic fiction," "they're all monsters") instead of any in depth exploration.

secondly, not to sound like a shitty book person, but incest *is* a major part of gothic fiction. the intention *is* to be repulsive, horrifying, and taboo. ppl should obviously take care to avoid topics that u find overwhelming and might harm ur mental health, but otherwise this *is* part of the genre.

lestat and gabrielle also....don't rly get that much into it tbh. the fandom makes it sound like more than it is. idk if the show is gonna make it more but I doubt it. although there was a dig about it in the trial script that I never saw anyone mention btw

"if u want to kill ur lover, or fuck ur mother, it'll have to wait."

I personally find the shifting power dynamics between human life and vampire life to be rly interesting. I don't think it's something the books explored enough tbh. bcuz lestat and gabrielle are the only vampires who came from being a human parent and child to the child then becoming the vampire parent to his own fledgling vampire mother.

it's clear in their human life that their parent / child boundaries are fucked and tbh that's the worst part for me. especially bcuz the fandom doesn't want to explore that bcuz ppl don't like to criticize gabrielle, as mentioned above. her life is awful so ppl give her a pass a lot. but she starts off as the human parent and she's a p bad parent in a lot of ways tbh (cuz she never wanted to be one).

anyway. I always saw the vampiric era incest as a metaphor for their broken relationship otherwise. like I said before, the fandom makes it sound worse than what even happens too. they never fuck each other. at most they kiss and think or say things that are inappropriate about each other's bodies and their feelings towards it, but modern day stories have had a lot more brutal depictions of incestual relationships between mothers and sons tbh. not saying that to downplay it or say "get over it" or w/e but just to touch on that, cuz it does get weirdly annoying here about it sometimes. ppl act tough about their love of "gothic fiction" all day for other topics in the books that are rly more graphic than this, then act like this is the one thing that goes too far? It's fucking weird, although I have theories about why that happens too.

back to the point tho. they're kind of a "failure" mother and son in life, so that's how I tend to read why this happens in the first place. lestat wants a mother and gabrielle wants to be a man (she directly tells him at a point "u are the man in me").

this is from TVL, before he leaves for paris (when they're both still human)

"I tried to take her in my arms. She stiffened at first but then I felt her weaken and she melted against me, and she gave herself over so completely to me in that moment that I think I understood why she had always been so restrained. She cried, which I'd never heard her do. And I loved this moment for all its pain. I was ashamed of loving it, but I wouldn't let her go. I held her tightly, and maybe kissed her for all the times she'd never let me do it. We seemed for the moment like two parts of the same thing."

after he makes her a vampire, they're kissing each other a lot in that first night. lestat saved his mother from dying and created his first vampire, which he wasn't sure he could do, and she isn't sick anymore and has more freedom than she knows what to do with. she's no longer his human "mother" either. he mentions a lot in these moments that there's no hesitance when they kiss each other like there was before. bcuz they're both happier in their individual issues and this is how they can express that as vampires now. he feeds her blood from his mouth later on in their first night and it comes across like more of a nurturing action than something weird and sexual.

so there's obviously incestual themes present but, to me anyway, this always felt a lot more sad than anything. like they don't know how else to meet each other's needs so they do this as vampires to act out a type of intimacy that otherwise they don't rly have still?

but ya. lestat did not become who he is from nothing. both his parents were abusive in different ways and akasha abuses him too. he constantly has vampirism forced on him against his will and tries his best to ignore how it makes him feel, especially about his own body. he has a lot of trauma attached to how he looks too and it's a whole thing. gabrielle and magnus tap into that in ways too.

fandoms don't rly like to look at cycles of abuse bcuz it's easier to say someone is just "bad" than to feel like maybe ur a bad person too if u sympathize with them. that's why ppl here are working hard to usually make any of these characters either the abused or abuser, depending on which side they relate to the most. it's almost always a combination of both in everyone tho.

[deepestuniversallove]

Hey I literally logged in just to give you support. Don't listen to these idiots telling you that you're gross for loving Mewtwo.

Because if loving Mewtwo is gross then the entire monster-fucking community should also be shamed but they aren't hmmmmmm I wonder why.

The degenerates in this fandom are perfectly fine with Ash fucking Latias, and men fucking Gardevoir, Vaporeon, or whatever slutty monster girl bitch of the week, but nooo you self shipping with Mewtwo is apparently cONcERnING or whatever.

(I love how no one calls the Hatsune Miku guy names lol, do I smell double standards? )

But this doesn't surprise me because the Pokemon community is full of hypocrites and these are the same no - life losers who shit their pants because Ash isn't in the anime anymore, their parents truly failed in raising them.

Lord knows I faced enough trouble for loving Steven and that too, from an Eevee fucker.

Monika, sweetie you are doing nothing wrong, your love for Mewtwo is so innocent, sweet and pure. I think it's beautiful how helped you with depression and escape your narcissistic mother.

People on this site love to preach mental health support but the very minute you do something different yet harmless suddenly it's

"OH NO YOU DARE TO LOVE A "FICTIONAL CHARACTER"

Keep on giving them rectal bleeding and draw more of you and Mewtwo ;) I love to see it.

AHH thank you so much for this message!! 🥹 That is so sweet of you!

Yeah, I dunno why it has always been like this. Even 10 or even 20 years ago, I often got messages chastising me for selfshipping with Mewtwo, calling it "nasty" and "degenerate", when really, i am not doing it to specifically be a degenerate, but because I honestly love Mewtwo. In his story, he too had to fight against a narcissistic "parent" (Giovanni), just like I had to against my own. How can it be seen as a crime to want to believe? Or has it been wrong to say "Mewtwo, please teach me to be brave like you" in my mind during the hard times, especially back when I was a lonely child?

Haha, I doubt anyone could ever shame the monster fucker community out of what they are doing. Or the furry community for that matter. 🤣

There always seems to be some sort of underlying misogyny happening. Women are expected to get an IRL husband/boyfriend to serve as soon as possible, so seeing a woman openly rather selfship with a fictional character is threatening to them, because how dare a woman not be in the kitchen and make sandwiches for a man? How dare a woman prefer to be single when there is a "male crisis of loneliness" happening?

Then again, I don't think I owe society anything. Where was society when I was abused? Where was the help or the community when I needed them most? I was left to my own devices. When a fictional character like Mewtwo brings someone like me more hope than any IRL human, that's how I know we failed as a society. Even sicker is that other more destructive forms of coping mechanisms are more encouraged. Somehow selfshipping is seen as more evil by the "moral police" than dying from a drug overdose on the streets or having alcoholism.

Anyone who ever complains to me about "ruining Mewtwo" or whatever - no, you aren't "concerned", you are just using that word to camouflage that what you really want is control over me and what I put out there. And i can tell you it is futile. I haven't survived so far just for some snotty brats to tell me what i can or cannot do in MY online space. Don't like what I post? Tough titties, use the block button. No one is forcing you to look at my "cringe". My cringy stuff brings me joy and makes me happy, and I feel I deserve some happiness in this shitty world of ours. You do too, so just..go and have some fun yourself. Don't waste your only life on policing others.

So yeah, you are right, dagdasgoddess. I will keep giving people "rectal bleeding". 🤣 No one can stop me from loving Mewtwo, my guardian angel that even visits me in my dreams at night, and loves me even when I absolutely despise myself. He will always be a bastion of love for me, a symbol that life is worth living regardless of hardships.

[herejusttosufferalong]

I don’t think anything happened between luke and nic bc they are too comfortable with each other and they really adore each other. I would assume if anything did happen there would be some tension between them, and not in a good way.

I think nic is really good at flirting (she herself said so) and warm & touchy person in general. You can tell she loves him and really cares for him. Being the witty marketing queen and great actor, she just played into all those things and it wasn’t really hard for her because again, she already loves luke as a person and flirty in general. Most of the times she was genuine with her actions but every now and then I could tell she did things on purpose because she was very aware that polin fans had been dissecting their actions and make something of every little piece. Like for instance that fluff picking/hair stroking thing was one of those rare occasions she gave herself away, at least for me. You can see her face is kinda teasing and shy even before she reaches his forehead. She definitely knew what she was doing and unlike other times she couldn’t keep it in and broke her character. But apart from those rare moments she did an excellent job, so much so everybody thought they were together (including myself lol).

Luke on the other hand, isn’t that great at pretending I think, and not that witty. He is an amazing actor don’t get me wrong but when outside of the set I think he is mostly being himself (or a mixed version of himself with colin on a subconscious level). I think most of the times he was clueless and acted instinctive rather than playing into their bond and putting a PR stunt. You could see sometimes he does something but in just a second regrets and takes it back. Like trying to sit closer to nic, putting his arm behind nic while they are sitting but taking it back immediately, or him saying he could be ken to nic but realizing what he’s saying and stopping mid sentence.

And all these make me think that luke was more genuine in the sense that displaying nonplatonic affection. And sometimes I could sense he was nervous, probably both bc of his anxiety and the fear of giving himself away in terms of being into nic. I think he tried to stay reserved whereas nic was just being her extrovert PR queen self.

But I don’t think luke has faced his feelings for nic at all. That’s why probably he even finds it frustrating that people think they are in love. I kinda get the feeling that he is in denial. I don’t think what he and A has a situationship, he probably cares about her but not enough. I don’t think he is a bad man at all, I think he is considered, carefull, emotionally intelligent and overall a good person. But not mature enough maybe?

These are all mere speculations and product of my delusions of course :D But after months of staying in this delulu train, watching every interview countless times, being totally consumed by them this is my final conclusion. I hope luke faces his feelings, nic develops the same feelings towards him and they get together. And I hope my mental health gets better and I stop being consumed by celebs or fictional characters 😭😭😭

A lot of great points

I don’t fully agree but it’s an interesting take.

[limpfisted]

Realizing I have mental health problems bc I keep going im not doing enough for the rpc/the wyll warriors and its like beloved its a tumblr rp blog for a fictional character it is rlly not that serious

This is not a job or an obligation we are all really having fun and its not a competition which character gets the most fanart or fanfic or whatever. My writing is both too niche and too specific to be wyll for every blog in the rpc. And yet the guilt persists

Sometime i feel genuine guilt about blocking people or not posting enough or saying no to rp or whatever and it's just like whyyyyy am I doing this why do I think I am some wyll representative im just some dude on the internet who knows a lot of facts about a fictional character I like bc I have too much time on my hands

Idk man lmao

[unnuevosoltransformalarealidad]

I Wasn't Enough

Pic from Pinterest | Dividers from @firefly-graphics

Summary: Jensen receives a letter that turns his world upside down. Pairing:Jensen Ackles x Female Reader Prompts: #10 "I was broken from a young age" from @smellingofpoetry Challenge and #41 "The voice in my head really needs some help" from @negans-lucille-tblr Challenge Squares: Quote D from @supernatural-jackles' Tell Me A Story Bingo // Warnings: Allusion to SH, anxiety, asking for help, implied mental health illness and treatment Word Count: 1.1k

A/N: This is overdue for both challenges, I'm sorry I didn't post it earlier but life and writer's block got in the way. Thanks to @fictional-affairs for giving me their opinion on this, I truly appreciate it.

“If you are reading this, it means that I did my best but it wasn’t enough.”

That’s how her letter started. I thought the worst had happened and I just wanted to run to her, but I needed to know more. The letter wasn’t long but I knew she did it from the bottom of her heart.

“I’m sorry. I never meant for this to happen, but I couldn’t do it anymore. Everything became too much and I just couldn’t handle it anymore.”

With each line I read, my heart ached because of her. I knew she was hurting; I knew she was in pain, but I never did anything to help her. She always said she had it in control and I believed her, but I guess I was wrong.

Every few lines I had to stop reading and clean my eyes, my vision was blurry because of the tears. 

“You know, I’ve always thought I was broken from a young age, but you always helped me to understand that I was forced to believe that. You helped me know that I never had the support system I really needed.

You always believed in me and I failed you.”

She kept saying how much of a burden she felt, how she had failed me, and how she struggled but couldn’t keep fighting. 

I was there for her, whenever she needed me, and I always checked on her. I was sure she knew I was going to be her support system, and still, she felt like she had failed me when in reality, it was my fault. 

“I decided to make this decision because the voice in my head really needs some help. I didn’t know what else to do. Everything became too much and she took control of me. I tried my best to fight her but I couldn’t; I had to give up.”

This was the first clue she gave me, someone was bothering her. Was it a friend? A relative? Someone I didn’t know?

I needed to find out who she was and have a talk with her. I needed to know what happened.

“Thank you for always being there for me. I’m very thankful to have found you. I love you Jay” 

She ended the letter but I didn’t have any answers. The only thing I knew was that someone was bothering her and I couldn’t do anything to help her. Why did she never say anything?

There wasn't much that could tell me something else other than what I was already thinking.

That's when I noticed. The personal card over my table, it must have fallen when I opened the letter. It had a phone number written by hand, without hesitation I grabbed my phone and dialed the number hoping to finally find some answers.

“Hello, I’m calling on behalf of Y/N Y/L/N,” I said when the call was picked up. “We were expecting your call Mr. Ackles. If you are okay, we would like to meet you to talk about Miss Y/L/N’s case,” I released a breath I didn’t know I was holding and agreed. I needed to know what had happened to her. I finished the call feeling uneasy. I don't know what to expect, they gave me an address and an appointment to meet someone that's taking care of Y/N's case. What case? What happened to her?

I drove to the address the place had told me and waited. Uncertain feelings because I didn't know what to expect. My anxiety was very high.

I was taken into a room and asked to wait there. 

A few minutes later, a man walks in holding a folder. We shake hands and ask me to sit on one of the chairs.

I learnt that this person, Dr. Carol Balmes, was Y/N’s therapist and was responsible for her case. I’ve also learnt that Y/N admitted herself after a bad episode which I would’ve liked to be informed either by Y/N or the therapist.

“I know you’re thinking about why we didn’t call you when she came as she listed you as her emergency contact; but we wanted to assess her situation first. We needed to know how serious it was”

I kept nodding at what the doctor was telling me.

“Given it was four in the morning when she came, we opted to wait for an appropriate time to make the call if it was necessary. The following morning, she was feeling a bit better, but didn’t want to make the call yet, so we respected her decision.”

“So, I’m here today because she wanted me to come?” I asked trying to understand the situation and the doctor nodded

At least I know she’s alive and well I thought

“If it’s okay with you, I would like you to see Y/N first and then talk about her situation and treatment” The doctor suggests and I nod

The doctor leaves the room and comes back with Y/N some minutes later. She looks well, she's lost some weight and she has dark circles under her eyes, but she looks fine, and I’m glad to see it. I smile at her when she makes eye contact with me.

I know she’s nervous and anxious for the whole situation, but I hope she knows I’m not mad at her at all, if I have to be mad at someone is myself, for not noticing before it got too bad.

“I’ll leave you two a few minutes and then I’ll be back” Doctor Balmes says before leaving the room.

The first thing I do once we are alone is hugging her tightly, as if I was afraid to lose her. Then, I kiss her forehead. 

“I’m sorry,” she starts speaking, still hugging each other, “it wasn’t supposed to end this way” she admits and I tightened my embrace.

“Honey, you don’t have anything to apologize for. I’m the one who should be doing it instead.” I reply 

We moved to the couch that was in the room and we talked for a bit until doctor Balmes came back. I'm glad to know that Y/N is doing so much better than when she first arrived, and I promised her that I was going to be there every step of the way.

TAG LIST is OPEN (DM or Link in Navigation Post)

Everything Tag List @iguessweallcrazyithinktho | @mrspeacem1nusone | @thevelvetseries | @caplanbuckybarnes | @vivalaluciforever | @maliburenee | @alexxavicry | @foxyjwls007 | @thoughts-and-funnies |

Jensen Ackles Tag List @wonderfulworldofwinchester | @nancymcl | @leigh70 | @akshi8278 | @sexyvixen7 | @larrem88 | @lyarr24 | @manawhaat |

[afniel]

Hi there's really vague (but kinda heavy?) Third Novel stuff under the cut, so don't spoil yourself if you don't want to know anything. Because there's a liiiiittle something something in there plus some art.

Man I'm like. Writing on chapter 2(?) of I Can't Believe It's Not A Trilogy (ICBINAT...world's worst working title) and this story is gonna need such a ridiculously huge content warning for suicidal ideation, way more than the first two, and the second has more than the first, so you know this one has got it bad.

And yet this is just kinda Where X Is At Right Now at the start of it, for Reasons (that I can't say further shit about until Outcome Unpredictable is all online, lol). I have a chapter and a half of, I dunno where or when it fits, just kinda disconnected noodling, and they were hard to write in the kind of way that's warning me that I don't really know what I'm doing with a character, just kinda slapping events together without much emotional weight to any of them or any real direction.

Then I kinda had a few revelations in a row, realized I was trying to lean way too hard on X to Just Be Better Already Dammit, and he was just coming out flat because he's not better already, dammit. Reploid Grandpa is 100% a fucked-up old veteran who's barely out of the hell he came from so yeah, he makes huge strides in his mental health, but he started at the bottom of a really deep hole. That's not a quick climb! It takes real life people decades to escape that hole, and they usually didn't go through it for 80+ years without a break. He's just gonna be down there, even if he's a lot higher than he started. (IRL veteran suicide rates are absolutely dismal too, and yeah, X's mental state very much reflects this at the point that I'm writing.)

Once again all I can actually do is write down the words as they happen and trying too hard to steer it myself only makes it stop working. Am I ever going to stop writing about this old man's mental health struggles? Uhh. Well, I've tried to stop twice, if that tells you anything. I swear he does get a happy ending and keep recovering. Well, maybe not that much physically, because Protagonist Who Stays Disabled And Isn't Magically Fixed is still a primary goal, here, and the story agrees with me on that, but even given that he could stand to be more comfortable even if he's not magically fixed. I dunno why this is where it's going but I think it's just my extreme commitment to What If This Stupid Video Game Plot Was Realistic Though. It's definitely realistic now! Maybe sometimes a little too much, but honestly, that's what makes it work, I think. It would never stick the landing if I stopped short of 100% painful sincerity, even if it's hard to look at sometimes. Feeling a bit like you're being invited to see and feel vulnerabilities that maybe aren't entirely your business when you're reading fiction is the secret sauce, if you ask me.

(At this rate I'm gonna have to update the author's notes at the end of Outcome Unpredictable because I'm making myself a goddamn liar. I straight up say I have no intent of writing a third one, but here I am, evidently doing that before the author's notes even hit the internet.)

I'm not gonna explain shit past that at the moment, so just feel free to conjecture amongst yourselves at the one thing I've kinda drawn in the ICBINAT era. This is about a year and a half from OU and 2 years from FtC, for the record. It is a truth universally acknowledged that if you leave an AU running unattended for long enough, even the canon characters will eventually turn into OCs.

(Also that if my coloring style gets any more rim light I'm going to be in Sonic Adventure style coloring territory...which would fuck severely, actually.)

[bosskie]

Molluck Pixel Thing 2

Man, drawing this was yet another ride... I just felt like that I really gotta learn to draw in a more realistic way (= photorealism) in order to make my art look better. So, I wanted to try out drawing a realistic pixel portrait about Molluck. I had to adjust and edit this so many times that it almost triggered a mental breakdown... Just started to feel like I should quit art, hating myself for loving Molluck, just felt like hating my own creations, that I shouldn't even be a part of this community... That feeling made me cry, just felt so awful... Once, my mind made me unable to think about Molluck for a day, made him leave my mind... I just don't wish my mind to take him away from me, it would make me feel so empty...

I feel unsure about this but this has less flaws than the previous pixel Molluck thing, so I guess that it's time to change avatar too, even I feel like this doesn't look good as an avatar... I just keep feeling like there is always something wrong in my art but I'm not skilled enough to fix those flaws... Man, why must Molluck be so hard to draw... Been drawing for almost 3 years only this Gluk and still feel like I don't know how to draw him... Frankly, it depresses me but I'm trying not to give up even it comes to my mind almost every day. It felt like the only thing that made me stop me hating myself for loving Molluck was how much I do love him and how it would make him feel bad... Sometimes, I just think that why he would even love me or more like how he would start loving me since love needs no reasons... I haven't said this clearly but yes, I self-ship myself with Molluck and I wanna keep that stuff to myself, just like my NSFW Molluck stuff. I do have my own story for my self-ship, though I'm not totally sure about it, mostly just because I'm not sure how Molluck would have started to love me... It's just so difficult to see myself as someone to love, just anything lovable in me... But despite of this, thru him I'm able to have some self-love, tell myself that all the awful things I think about myself ain't true, that I shouldn't end this all...

I know that I should say that I'm sorry for having severe mental health issues but I still feel sorry... I just don't wanna pretend and Molluck just relates so closely to my mental health... It feels like I don't really feel like doing anything with my life but creating all this Molluck stuff is a pleasant way to waste/spend my time. I don't want any pity, just hope that my existence here doesn't ruin things, that I'm open about this long ass hell I'm going thru inside my head every single day... I'm just so tired... Feel like caring about things less and less...

I don't know how to end this post... This Gluk is just so important to me... It's interesting that our brains don't seem to care about if the one we love is 'real' or fictional. It's just not easy to find words for my thoughts but it just feels like my life would lost the last sense it makes to me if my mind took Molluck away from me... Also, sometimes, I just feel like everyone could draw Molluck better than me, just every single person in this world... I know, my ill mind can make me feel like irrational things are the truth, even I know that it's not the truth, but those lies still feel so real... But this feeling is just one of those reasons why I feel like quiting doing art, feeling like I could be easily replaced, nothing I draw is special, there is just no reasons to continue doing bad 'art' since I cannot draw in reality... I don't even really feel like calling myself an artist but a creator... But despite of these feelings, I still continue creating stuff since I just wanna create stuff, no matter how bad my stuff looks. I also just need more Molluck content... Frankly, I can admit that I'm kinda addicted to some of my Molluck content... Um, I guess that I can admit that all animations I have done about Molluck, both in 2D and in 3D (minus my Molluck game sprites), are NSFW content... I have been thinking about doing animations that I can also show but well, at least I have learned to get better in 3D animations, like I just found out camera stuff in Blender! I recently also felt like hating myself for spending so much effort on those animations... I just cannot help myself that all I want is that Gluk, my ill mind must just accept it.

I know that this can be odd but I cannot help this... This is my situation, this is what I love.

[megnificent-reads]

A Court of Wings and Ruin - Christ alive/5 ☆

Warning - this review is 1.2k words, and 98% negative. If you love SJM and the ACOTAR series, love that for you /gen. However, for your own mental health, I genuinely would not recommend you read this. For everyone else, and those who hate-read, Let's begin!

~~~

Okay, so I actually rated this 2 stars on Goodreads because I didn’t hate it the whole time but, I’m mad about it so it gets a special rating. ♡

I honestly lament when I was excited to read this book. Being what I refer to as a Lucien Lover (nuanced), I enjoyed a good bit of the beginning of this book. That’s not to say I wholeheartedly enjoyed every word of the first 100 pages of this book. 

So we start with Feyre in the throes of rage, becoming a master manipulator. Now, before I put just a minute or two of thought into it, I loved it. I love a girl tearing shit apart and using intellegence as a form of strength. However… 

Anybody think she was doing a little too much…?

Like, okay, Tamlin fucked up. Big time. I will admit justice is needed! Love when women take back power! But not only dismantling his entire country but turning everyone against him for things that he actually did not do? Crazy! He sucks! But people still live in that country. We still need order! His life is ruined now and I don’t necessarily think all that was necessary. 

Tamlin sidebar: “my father and my father’s father did the Tithe, so I’m going to do it.” Didn’t you acknowledge two books ago that your father sucks absolute ass? What fucking sense does that make? How in the first book was he the Perfect Moral Man that now can’t see the very evident immorality in the shit you’re doing. Anywhoozers. 

So, Feyre has her cool girl moments and returns to the Night Court. In book one, I was bored out of my mind until we arrived in Rhys-land. (Good one). This time, it was like the moment we arrived here the magic was lost. I was no longer excited to read. And honestly, I think the big issue was actually our beloved bat-boy, Rhysand.

I don’t know her personally, so this is not an attack on her character, but I’m starting to feel like SJM writes Rhysand based off of her fantasy version of what a man is like. Dominating, but soft and loving. Perfectly moral. Capable of evil, deplorable things, but too loving of people and their dreams to be that way. I’m going to be referring to it as PMS (Perfect Man Syndrome). 

Many of her men (sorry, males) are unfortunate PMS victims, but Rhysand is by far the worst. I wish I had underlined it when I was reading so I could cite it, but there’s just something about his actions. He is PMSing so hard that he doesn’t develop at all. He was old enough to be grown during the faerie-UK version of the Amercian Civil War where of course he was anti-slavery the entire time despite being raised by people who appeared to be violent racists. Good for our educated king. He also, of course, runs a sanctuary for abused women. 

Of course, I’m not saying that being anti-slavery and supporting abused women is bad. I love it. But like… be real with me here. I know that this is fictional. It’s not real. We can be happy here. But can I have some dimension, please? This man is the personality version of Flat Stanley. We had two conflicts between them since they got together and both were resolved by Rhys nearly getting on his knees and saying everything is his fault and he’s so sorry. The first conflict was just her thinking she stepped out of her Womenly Line and him not even knowing there was an issue. 

He’s just so. Fucking. Boring. 

Moving on. ♡.

Let’s talk about what makes me so goddamn angry about this book. I’ve seen complaints about SJM where other people are saying that other people call her books feminist literature. I personally have never heard anybody say that, but if I did, I don’t know if I would be able to control the rant that would ensue.  

I’m willing to have a civilized conversation, but I don’t remember Feyre actually doing anything. Yes, SJM puts her women in positions of power. Do they use said power? Maybe once or twice. 

Amren is an ex-god with powers above any character we’ve met so far. We see it used I think once. The rest of the time is spent talking about her power and her holding down the fort at Velaris while everyone else is off to war. 

Morrigan - also very powerful (described only). I remember her power being “truth” and never elaborating on that. She is a known soldier, that doesn’t fight. 

During the two huge battles, Feyre, Nesta, and Morrigan are on the ground while Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel are in the air fighting. After the first battle, Feyre is seen tending to her beloved mate’s wounds, Nesta is fetching water for Cassian, and Morrigan is getting mad at Nesta for wanting to fuck Cassian. So strong of all of them. 

Azriel is there doing… nothing. Which he has a habit of doing. Speaking of habits, SJM will create characters that I like because I’m excited to see how they will grow and develop. 

She then proceeds to do nothing with them.

I know more books are coming, as they will with SJM until the end of time, but it’s starting to drag. I love Elain. Well, I love what Elain could be. She’s a seemingly fragile, docile character. With her Seer powers, I was excited to see her notice the world around her sucks and develop into somone capable of holding their own. Instead, she uses her powers to relay some cryptic messages that no one heeds or even tries to, then she “snaps out of it” and can’t really do anything else. 

Azriel has a tragic backstory and seemingly a big story to tell. God, I wish I could ever fucking hear it. 

This is getting exceptionally long, but I remembered I had a list of things I wanted from ACOWAR and didn’t receive, so I’ll pick one more thing off. 

The Ouroboros. Out of all symbols, the Ouroboros is my favorite. Cycles and inevitability and all that. We spend a good chunk of this book leading up to Feyre retrieving this. It drives everyone mad. Only the strongest can look in it and survive. I was so excited to see what she saw! What the battle with herself would be like! How does she overcome it?

I guess we’ll never know.

She ended up seeing… herself? I guess she wasn’t previously aware of her flaws and then simply accepted them. Would love to have seen it!

And to finally end this review, I think the Ouroboros is a good symbol of every issue I have with this book. There’s so much build up and excitement that ultimately leads nearly no explanation. It’s like there’s ideas and concepts but then no idea how to execute them.

I won’t be reading ACOFAS or ACOSF or anything else. I already didn’t want to, then I found out about the pregnancy thing and. Yeah. I think I’m good off that.

[spewagepipe]

Plumbing the Depths: Ben Milton rates his subscribers' hot takes

My experience is that Ben Milton is among the "oftener right". I don't have much to add about his ideas in this video, but I have a lot to say about the hot takes themselves.

My responses are long enough that it seems better to me to publish them one at a time, so here is just the first hot take:

The 5e community has a toxic problem where it offloads all of the system's problems on DMs. The game isn't too easy, it's just the DM's fault for not being creative enough with combat encounters! Darkvision isn't OP, you just need to build your encounters around its very narrow limitations! Want your characters to think outside the box and not spam abilities? Design situations specifically tailored to that!

I want to take a brief aside to talk about terms like "toxic", which get thrown around an awful lot in ways that I don't think are accurate or helpful. If the community is mocking and berating these struggling DMs, then yes, that merits the term – but if that's really a common occurrence, then I must admit that I'm ignorant of it. What I do often see is advice that is framed in a dismissive, "If I were in [situation X], I would simply [solution Y]" sort of way. That's obviously unhelpful, but it's not really hazardous to anyone's psychological health.

But whether or not it is "toxic", the phenomenon being described in the take here is both real and commonplace. Among my pals, I coined the phrase "cherchez le maître du jeu" to describe this trend. In old noir fiction, detectives would "cherchez la femme" (transl. "look for the woman"). Somehow, every dead man was either killed by a woman, killed by that woman's associates, killed by that woman's rival lover, or whatever – the specifics didn't matter, but somehow "the woman" was always the cause, no matter how ridiculous (and misogynistic) that assumption might be.

In the same fashion, it seems like no matter what the problem is with someone's RPG experience, the D&D community always asks "what was the GM's mistake?" and then proceeds to engage in whatever mental gymnastics are necessary to somehow attribute the problem to GM error.

There is some truth to the idea that some GMs can sometimes work within any given set of rules in order to achieve some arbitrary creative goals – but if the system is at odds with those goals, then the GM will find that it's a struggle to accomplish. Much of the output of the D&D-advice cottage industry amounts to exactly this: helping GMs figure out how to fit the "square peg" of their stated creative goals into the "round hole" that is the D&D system.

The easiest solution, in almost all cases, is to change the system itself with either a house rule, home-brewed subsystem, a new set of special procedures, or by swapping to a different game altogether. Once your system is in harmony with your creative agenda, these problems just evaporate and the game begins to effortlessly behave as desired. This idea – that changing your system is the chief way to fix the problems with your game – is going to be a common theme here on Plumbing the Depths.

[lacependragon]

Once again consumed by the unending annoyance and rage at people caring more about a pair of fictional women kissing (badly animated, at that, it's so fucking stiff) over the treatment of real-life people who are actually, really suffering. Who have been harmed and abused. Who continue to struggle.

Oh, and if it's not the fictional women, it's the bird man.

Like. You'd rather support a sexist, ableist, racist, transphobic, cunty organization and throw them your money eagerly and willingly, while pretending they aren't horrible, to continue being this horrible, all over a pair of fictional women kissing than support trans and queer creators.

When canon is created by a bunch of prejudiced chucklefucks you take the canon FROM THEM and make your OWN while arguing that they need to PAY THEIR FUCKING WORKERS.

Go read your fucking fanfiction! God knows none of you write it. Or else you wouldn't whine so hard about creators taking too long.

"But all shows are like that."

I don't care. I don't buy Spiderverse merch. I don't buy RWBY merch. And I certainly don't beg for a shitty organization to greenlight another season of a show made by shitty people just so I can watch them abuse and belittle and fire everyone ELSE on their crew who ISN'T a fucking freelancer or contract worker.

Write a fucking fanfiction and stop acting like a show who keeps firing EVERYONE WHO CARES ABOUT IT is actually good enough to "justify" (no such thing) the massive harm and hatred of queer and trans people within the workspace, the livelihoods destroyed, and the careers forever tossed aside.

There is no CRWBY.

The writing is shit.

And more importantly: real people are getting hurt.

Write a fucking fanfiction. Stop using the fucking V10 hashtag. And remember that real world people are suffering and that if you condone this suffering, you are shitty.

Writing fic and drawing fanart is great! But seriously you chucklefucks drop the fucking tag.

No show, especially one that is:

fatphobic (only villainous or perverted characters are fat)

colourist & racist (all dark skinned characters are villainous or die, with the exception of fucking EMERALD and Oscar, but we have Hazel, Arthur, and Sienna to start)

ableist (no one is allowed to go without prosthetics, scars exist only for vibes, disability is never given a nuanced discussion, demonization of mental illness, not to mention the entirety of Ruby's storyline in V9)

queerphobic (toxic masculinity is everywhere, Ren's basically the only guy allowed to be remotely feminine, the obnoxious lack of queer men on screen due to RT's well-documented homophobia)

or sexist (yeah you'd think it wouldn't be, but when you consider the amount of V9 that is focused on Jaune at the detriment of focusing on the TITULAR CHARACTER'S MENTAL HEALTH, and considering this isn't the first time, I'm calling it)

...should have this much of a stranglehold on people's lives! It's not fucking worth it!

I love RWBY. I have loved RWBY since the Red Trailer. Those four girls mean a lot to me. I also acknowledge that it is full of fucking flaws that I work very hard to overcome and rewrite in my fanfics.

So, do like me:

Write a fucking fanfiction.

It's better than the show's actual writing, these days, anyway. And this doesn't hurt real life people who RT continues to harm just because, I dunno, they fucking can?

Anyway I'm disappointed in people. You can want V10 without using the hashtag. You can want V10 while speaking up about how people are mistreated and you don't want it to continue. You can want V10 and be happy to wait.

But if you prioritize the tenth season of a fictional web show over fixing the problems within the company, both specifically and as a whole, that are destroying people's lives, then you're just a loser.

Just a fucking internet loser.

[alienssstufff]

If you get the time and inclination pls do share with us your beef with the existing zombie apocalypse genre, I have my own feelings about it (I think it overshadows other types of fictional apocalypses a bit too much in most ppl's heads) but I'd love hearing someone else's take on it (and also how you would improve the genre if you like :3 )

oh ABSOLUTELY it does! One way its probably the easiest type of apocalypses to write abt just cuz there’s already so many and such an established I guess wwww scenario and tropes to it (?) In consequence bc of how ‘easy’ it is, it becomes so damn samey and the zombie apocalypse genre (and apocalypses genres as a whole) gets such bad rep for that reason. [The rest atp is me ranting abt zombie apocalypses specifically those are the ones I have beef with]

When I ask ppl why they don’t like apocalyptic stories most answers is just the amount of carnage that’s in them it’s horrible— to put it better: unnecessary violence in an already terrible world is what they think abt. When people think of apocalypse stories they think of the movies made in Hollywood. Muscular, American white man whos good at everything who kicks ass and saves the world singlehandedly. And the rep for zombie-driven games aren’t any better either… Not saying that stories of kicking ass taking names are ALL bad but most of it is very surface level reasoning as to why . That being said I wish there was more focus on mental health in zombie stories, realisations that the world ended and they’ll never go back to how it was before, instances of the struggles of learning how to adapt to this new way of living. There’s many topics that could be discussed and so many themes that haven’t been fully developed (or done poorly) in zombie apocalypses but seldom media’s deliver u_u

I think the zombie stories that stand out to me the most are the ones that revolve around normal people. There’s an vid essay somewhere that talks abt the success of Train to Busan as a movie, it’s still just as action packed as the ones above but it’s also rly freaking emotional as the characters and cultural themes they represent can hit p close to home for the target demographic. Also I cannot recommend enough Gakkou Gurashi (School Live)! It’s almost never talked about solely cuz of Episode 1 and even now I’m trying to be as vague as I can Please watch that anime/manga you will not regret it.

And finally worldbuilding always a sucker for worldbuilding I need more of it. Not how to stop it but more of How The Hell we fucked up that badly to ended up in this situation. Give me zombie stories of patient 0s, pov scientists fumbling in the lab etc I want THAT. I freaking love the worldbuilding in The Last of Us , such a unique way in designing zombies inspirations from real life (I believe funghi that controls dead ants). That freaking hospital part in TLOU2 will always have a lasting impression on me the environmental storytelling of the flooded hospital and the whole backstory of how the Rat King came to be an amalgamation of all the victims of Seattle’s Patient 0 zone forced to fuse because of the such claustrophobic and wet conditions of the basement OHMYFUCKINGVGG its so well thought out.

Overall my frustrations with apocalypses is just - the amount of untouched potential and themes that SHOULD be addressed but aren’t - to get creative with it. And even without mention of the worldbuilding stories of the average joe like u and I trying to do smth as ‘simple’ as going to the store but there are mental and physical struggles along the way would be fine too - u don’t need to fly a jet and shoot a rocket launcher to make things interesting. Relatability and/or creativity is what I wish.

[this was so fun to think abt anon if u have things u wanna share feel free to shoot another ask I’m all ears!]

[notsocheezy]

Brain Curd #15

Brain Curds are lightly edited flash fiction, posted daily and usually written with the intention of being terrible… in an endearing way. Thank you all so much for reading, liking, reblogging, and enjoying these Brain Curds. The feedback has been so nice to receive, and writing these every day has boosted my mood and mental health substantially, to the point that I think I'm finally ready to share with you a highly requested excerpt from It Goes Up.

As many of you know, but I shall explain here, It Goes Up was a short story of over 3400 words which I conceived of and wrote in one single day in an act of mania and desperation. It was based on a dream I'd had the night before that I couldn't get out of my head, so I put it on paper instead. I could scarcely eat or drink the entire day as I worked on it, wasting away. I nearly collapsed into bed when it was finished.

The next day, having gotten myself at least some amount of sleep, I was horrified to read what I had committed to page. It was one of the most disgusting, life-ruining things my mind has ever been accosted with (and that is truly saying something). But I read it to one of my best friends anyway, and she agreed - this story was cursed, and if I unleashed it upon the world, I would be forever branded by its scarlet letter and its image would be burned into the minds of whoever was unfortunate enough to read it.

I remain disturbed by It Goes Up. I do not look at it. I try not to think about it. No physical copy exists and I hold the only keys to the digital representation, buried away in my files. You will never read it - not in its complete form, anyway - until I am long dead and buried. And even then, you should not. But I can see no major harm in showing you just a small tidbit. Perhaps to prove to you that it really exists. To prove to myself that I did not just imagine the fever dream that was creating it.

Tread carefully as you continue reading below.

Off-balance from the weight of shopping bags in her hands and the thirty dollar stilettos on her feet, Charlie hobbled over to the elevator. She’d parked her car in the garage below, and this was the most convenient way to return to it. She set down her bags at the door, just about to press the call button when the foot of a simple-looking cane pressed it for her.

“Good afternoon, my dear,” said the smiling man wielding it. He had striking blue eyes, curly graying hair, and a trim goatee to match it. He wore a plain looking button-up shirt (the top button undone) and a pair of unusually nice tailored mauve slacks. “May I ask - what brought you to the mall today?”

Charlie wasn’t used to people striking up conversation for no reason - in fact, it made her downright uncomfortable on the odd occasions it did happen. But something about him seemed familiar and safe all of a sudden, like he was a grandfatherly presence who had in some way or another been in her life always.

“I just like to come here and shop, mostly.”

“Mostly?” He asked, as if it were a leading question.

“I mean…” Charlie was a bit thrown off, but ignored it. “I really just came to find some new clothes. That’s all. I picked up some lunch while I was here, too.” She tapped the smallest of her three paper bags with her foot.

“My, my…” He seemed worried. “Did something happen to your old clothes?”

“Well, no…” she replied, confused. “It just feels good to buy things.”

“Ah,” he smirked, and gave a knowing wink. “Say no more. That is as good a reason as any, in my book.”

She smiled at him, but she wasn’t quite sure what to think about the man.

The elevator arrived with a ding-ding, and the doors opened. He gestured into the elevator cabin, inviting Charlie to go in first. She picked up her three bags and stepped inside, with the man following.

[canary0]

May 24 - Dracula 2023

Content Warning: mental health treatment, mental hospitals, schizophrenia

Dr. Seward's notes - recorded via phone audio

Reduced appetite, sleep disruptions, and loss of interest in things that I enjoyed before. As a clinician, I know I really shouldn’t try to apply diagnoses to myself – we all observe ourselves with our own self-perception and internal narrative. Still, I can’t think to call this anything but depression over my rejection earlier. Not unusual, so I already know the best distraction for me is work until it passes. Fortunately, my appointment schedule is usually very full – finding enough qualified psychiatrists for the hospital has been a challenge. Probably not a good time to dwell on that.

I have a particular interest in one of my patients with whom I had an appointment today. His situation is unusual, so I’m doing my best to understand him as well as I can. His form of delusion is fairly uncommon, more well documented in the past than now.

I’m realizing that I may have been too intense about it – more interested in putting together a case study that helping him reach a point of being able to live a normal life. Normally I focus on the latter, and I’d avoid keeping them in a steady state like the mouth of hell itself. Omnia Romæ venalia sunt - “Hell has its price,” after all.

But with him having gone untreated as long as he has, it’s also very important to understand how exactly his delusion works and what his specific situation is to develop a medication and treatment plan. So, let me take down what I know at the current time (with permission):

R. M. Renfield, age 59. He’s very outgoing and active, generally with a positive, or at least excitable mindset. He’s very strong, inclined to physical activity. He’s prone to unpredictable periods of depression which tend to end in getting a very fixed idea about something. He takes particularly to causes, it seems like, and is difficult to deter once he decides one is indeed a cause. He went untreated and was cared for privately since his 20s before he was brought in after injuring the pet of someone he knew. He hasn’t had any visitors since he arrived. Lack of connections may make his treatment more difficult. His only serious physical issue at the moment is high blood pressure, which is common for men of his age, so we’re at least going to get him started on amlodipine while we figure out the rest. I’ll speak with the psychopharmacologist, but his age makes me a little concerned about using antipsychotics. We may start one at a low dose and see how he responds. As far as therapy goes, observation hasn’t revealed much in terms of stronger or weaker moments in his delusions, so we may end up having to work within that framework to improve quality of life for now.

Quincey Morris to Arthur Holmwood

Via SMS

Quincey: We’ve told stories by the fire, dressed each other’s wounds, and made toasts on the shores of Titicaca. I think it’s time for more of the former and latter, don’t you think? My campfire has a spot for you, and I happen to know a certain lady is busy with a dinner party tomorrow night, so she’ll be otherwise occupied.

Arthur: Naturally. Count me in every time. Is anyone else coming?

Quincey: Our friend from that time in Korea, Jack Seward. It’s time to drown our sorrows as we toast to the good fortune of the happiest man in the world.

Arthur: You’re not wrong about that.

Quincey: Of course I’m not! And you’ve earned it, along with the best heard in the world.

Arthur: I’ll be sure to be there. Besides, I have some news you’ll both want to here.

Quincey: Excellent! See you then.

(A/N: Although in the book Renfield was observed with schizophrenia from a normal age of onset, I suspect he must have avoided treatment for quite a while under modern care to be in his current state. I’m always hesitant to address severe mental health difficulties in my fiction, because I don’t want to give the impression that I think some ableist shit.

I’m going to be open here to that end and state that any depiction here is going to be informed by my own experience with depression with psychosis and having gone with it largely untreated for a long time. It no longer presents those symptoms for me, thankfully, but I’m empathetic to the experience of having them.

So while Renfield and his treatment is certainly a potentially spicy subject, I’m gonna do my best to present it and his treatment in the best way I can. Seward wasn’t depicted as incompetent for his time (as bad as the methods of his time were), so his modern treatment methods shouldn’t be incompetent. I consulted with a mental health professional about this entry so... hopefully it's okay.

Thank god for Quincey and Arthur also talking today. @_@)

[authoralexharvey]

INTERVIEW WITH A WRITEBLR — @l-writes-things

Who You Are:

L || Any pronouns

I'm 18, Filipino, stressed out psychology freshman, and I write stuff. And I do art too, but that's for a different story.

What You Write:

What genres do you write in? What age ranges do you write for?

Fantasy, horror, mystery, paranormal, poetry, thriller, and tragedy. Young adult, new adult, and adult.

What genre would you write in for the rest of your life, if you could? What about that genre appeals to you?

Oh man, it's probably dark slice-of-life. I always enjoyed showing the horrors of everyday life, and disecting complex emotions and topics about the world around us and what it means to be human. For the genre that appeals to me, that would be either tragedy or psychological horror. It's hard to explain why I love tragedy, though for psychological horror it's all about the mind games and the unexpected in that genre.

What genre/s will you not write unless you HAVE to? What about that genre turns you off?

I have a love-hate relationship with the romance and sci-fi genres. For one, I hate reading bad romance and hyper sci-fi works. However, I do enjoy writing romance and some urban and tragic sci-fi (The SCP Foundation is a great example, alongside "I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream" by Harlan Ellison)

Who is your target audience? Do you think anyone outside of that would get anything out of your works?

Young Adult to Adults are my potential target audience, since my work delves into heavy topics and themes about the world around us. I do hope that anyone outside of my target audience will get some sort of impact out of it, and hopefully make them see things in different perspectives.

What kind of themes do you tend to focus on? What kinds of tropes? What about them appeals to you?

It depends on which of my works you're referring to, but my works delve into (and not limited to) bullying, abuse, the cycle of violence, parental neglect, death, and mental health. I think throughout my work, the consistent trope in there is Found Family and Queer Platonic Relationships. There's always something about different people coming together and forming a tight knit family-like bond that's always appealing to me. It's nice, showing that platonic love is just as fulfilling as romantic love.

What are you currently working on? How long have you been working on it?

Interactive Fiction games! I have four of them, and I'm juggling to handle all of them. So much lore, that interconnects across their plots to each other (it hurts my brain). I've been working on my main one (Cheers to The Elites) since April 2022, and the I'm trying to work on my other three too.

Why do you write? What keeps you writing?

I just want to share my stories. That's all, really. Seeing people thoroughly enjoy my work and be excited for it, AND have people's perspective change because of it is what keeps me going. If I can change a single person's view on the world and see a different picture, then that's enough for me.

How long have you been writing? What do you think first drew you to it?

Been writing for a good while! I started when I was 10 from discovering Wattpad and exposure to fanfiction. I think 10 year old me wanted to make stories too, so they picked up the family iPad and started writing and posting their own work to Wattpad.

Where do you get your inspiration from? Is that how you got your inspiration for your current project? If not, where did the inspiration come from?

Media (anime, movies, cartoons, and books) give me inspiration on the more fantastical parts of my works, but ask me where I get inspiration for the realistic parts of my works, then that would be the people in my life and my own life experience.

What works of yours are you most proud of? Why?

I think it's all of them, seeing how there are people interested in learning more about my people and my characters. It brings a smile to my face knowing that.

Have you published anything? Do you want to?

I have, they're all in itch.io though under the same username L-writes-things. They're only demo of the prologue and a playable trailer as of now. Currently busy with college to write anything.

What part of the writing process most appeals to you? What part is least appealing?

Most appealing in the writing process? Planning and plotting. It helps you stay on track on where the story will go. For least appealing? Actually writing the plot down.

Your Thoughts on Writeblr:

How long have you been a writeblr? What inspired you to join the community?

I've been here for 10 months. I think what inspired me to join is seeing all the Interactive Fiction works on Tumblr, and seeing how accessible it is to make an Interactive Fiction made me want to join and try working on my own.

What is your favorite part about writeblr?

Just how helpful and open the community is. I honestly get more writing tips from writeblr than actual writing tutorials on YT or my own Creative Writing teacher back in College-Prep. 😂😂

How do you contribute to the writeblr community? Do you think you could be doing more?

I think it's just being in a growing subgenre of writeblr. Interactive Fiction is still writing, though in a different form, and I want to help that subgenre grow by continuing to be a member of it.

What kind of posts do you most like to make?

Just Lore and answering asks about the lore… I have too much lore in my folders, and I need to share them.

Finally, anywhere else online we may be able to find you?

Nope, just here. You can find my other blogs in the pinned post of my main one!

Questions For Fun:

Okay I gotta ask as a former Wattpad Kid myself: what Popular Fic on Wattpad was your favorite?

Oh man, it's been years since I read any Wattpad fics. Been on Ao3 as of late. I remember they were mostly fanfiction from different fandoms, but I'll tell you a Filipino one instead (and the only one I can remember the title of). It's The Five Bad Boys and Me. Romance fic of one girl and five different guys set in a highschool, and I sadly forgot who the author was. There were physical copies of the fic back in 2014~2016, and I'm not sure if they still are in circulation. From last I checked, the fic is still on Wattpad. Taglish language (Tagalog-English), if I remember.

What is your favorite SCP,,, creature? Phenomenon? What about it appeals to you?

You shouldn't have asked me what my favorite SCP is (joking). Though I love SCP-426 (aka "I am an ordinary toaster"). It's the SCP that introduced me to everything about SCP's and this genre of sci-fi horror, and I love toast. Bread's good stuff. Plus, I find it funny (and a bit morbid) that this SCP can choke you with just stuffing you with bread. Besides that, SCP-999! How can you NOT love the adorable, orange, slimey boi? A baby is what they are!

Any Interactive Fiction you've consumed that someone else made? Why?

Creatures Such as We by Lynnea Glasser. It's an Interactive Fiction that just stuck with me for a long while since I was 12. It's a story about the philosophy of death and loneliness, and I won't spoil the plot, but I highly recommend it. It's chill, it's fun, and you're on the moon dang it! It's also the Interactive Fiction that got me into the rabbit hole of this writing community, and I don't regret stumbling upon it in the appstore.