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mewtwo24 · 8 months

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MAWS - An Allegory for Autism, too?

God like…there have been so many amazing posts about maws right now, and I don’t want to detract from any of them because I absolutely agree with how powerful an allegory the show is in regards to being an immigrant/alien.

But at the same time I just. I have been literally losing my mind at how autistic Clark feels. And at this point I can’t tell if I’m seeing things that aren’t there or he really is just so god damn ‘tism it makes his experiences of being othered two- and triplefold.

Like. Okay. He keeps acting on what he thinks is just or morally right in the moment, but sometimes struggles to see the social signals (or bigger picture) that might indicate somebody is deceiving him. If he does realize he’s being deceived, he does the right thing anyway even if it’s to his detriment--because he can’t accept looking away from a problem he might have resolved. Helping someone, no matter how difficult or unreasonable.

Okay.

When he’s trying to protect himself from Lois. He tells the truth in the most evasive way humanly possible, and because he thinks she’ll find him dashing from saving people he comes off as dissembling. He is convinced that he has charmed her to no end with his alter ego since he’s Such A Super Cool Strong Normal Guy as Superman, and that she couldn’t possibly be suspicious any longer because he told the truth. Lois wants to throttle him for lying. He has no idea as to why that is--and is openly surprised that she’s upset.

This is not even touching the fact that he lived for YEARS with Jimmy and literally destroyed stuff in front of him by accident, and never once thought Jimmy knew some shit was going on with him. Jimmy, being subtle and considerate, didn’t snitch because he was a homie. Clark does not notice in the slightest. ‘IT COULD HAVE BEEN THE SCREWS’ ASS.

This also not touching on the “How did you know you were bulletproof?” “I didn’t. I just knew you weren’t.” Despite pervasive signs that his powers weren’t operating as they should in that area. Despite knowing Lois was still upset with him and may not forgive him, could hurt him with what she knew.

Okay.

I'm going to put the rest under a cut because I never go on short tangents:

In a lot of New Age illegitimate medicine and psychological constructs, autistics are often conceptualized as people with ‘special powers’ or religious enlightenment in accordance with some manifestations of their disability. Clark’s superspeed and strength and heat vision can EASILY be seen as an extension of that. However, what I really want to talk about is the latest episode’s super hearing.

Most autistics have sensory issues, both with textures but also with hearing. A very common surprise for undiagnosed individuals, for example, is that they use music and headphones to stim in a more socially acceptable way. Particularly loud noises or constant loud chatter can cause distress otherwise, and having constant meltdowns/catatonia reactions isn’t feasible for survival.

Of all his powers that might be a weakness I think it is a fascinating--and honestly, deliberate--choice that speaks volumes (please pardon the pun). Because that’s the horrible thing about having sensory overload with your hearing; you don’t always have a choice as to what you’re subjected to. Ear-piercing alarms can flare at any moment, people can play what they consider harmless pranks, or day to day fighting to focus can make every sound feel like nails on a chalkboard from the overstimulation.

While Clark is able to distinguish voices if he knows what to look for, lack of sleep and rest tremendously weaken his ability to focus. I noticed that as the episode wore on, there was a distinct and exponential progression. At first, when he overdid it and didn’t sleep for a day or so, he still managed to operate without hurting himself or risking others. But as he kept pushing himself without rest to answer every cry for help, he grew progressively and sharply overwhelmed. He quickly became overstimulated by the mounting flurry of oncoming stimuli (e.g. the truck about to hit someone, dodging people around him, the relentless super hearing flooding in) and began to react in ways that were careless and random.

Though his powers appear supernatural and inexhaustible, we are forced to face the fact that he still possesses hard limits. Even if autistics seem more capable than NTs at points, there is a reason “high-functioning” became an obsolete terminology with which to differentiate people on the spectrum ‘who seemed to be above average’. Because just as we see Clark forcing himself to exert his superpowers until his body collapses to prove he is good, autistics also push themselves to be useful/helpful/amenable/inobtrusive in order to be accepted as something not other/monstrous.

(Please note, by the way, towards the end of the newest episode--his power comes out in a flash of blue, overpowering light as the last of his strength begins to wane. A surefire sign that he was truly at the end of his endurance before he’s knocked unconscious.)

The fact that Clark starts to learn how to listen in for people so fast, but also doesn’t think to tune them out (if he can) adds even more to the first point too. Because he can’t turn it off in full, it means he has no way to ignore people who are hurting no matter how small--and for him that places the cognitive burden of making a choice. And he can’t choose not to help people.

Okay.

Clark’s incipient refusal to discover more about himself, the sheer overwhelmed look he had as a child--but also as an adult--at the prospect of having to rewrite and re-evaluate everything he thought he knew about himself. There is no excitement, no positive anticipation. When he chooses to face it, it’s because he perceives a kind of responsibility to better understand/control his powers to help more people. And it’s because his friends support him that he ever finds the will to do it. He has no desire to acknowledge or define his otherness head-on. (Once again, he can only act with courage on behalf of others and/or to ultimately win their acceptance.)

GOD. AND. AND how he tells Lois how much she made him “come out of his shell” and forced him to face the world, to stop living in his formerly simple bubble. How autistics instinctively hate breaks in routine and the unknown and the horrible ordeal of change, especially if they have trauma linked to it. But he was trying because yeah, as people we need new and varying stimuli to be happy and healthy. To be alive is to change, whether one likes it or not.

How part of the reason Lois is so dear to him is because she makes him feel capable and safe when he has to face the truth of his difference and change. (THIS IN THE CONTEXT OF THE LATEST EPISODE. “CLARK, JUST TRY TO BE NORMAL”. I’M EATING MY SHIRT. THE ENDLESS OSCILLATION BETWEEN HIS DESPERATION TO BE NORMAL BUT ALSO STRIVE FOR MORE, AND HOW LOIS ANSWERS BOTH THOSE WARRING CALLS WITHIN HIM JUST BY BEING HERSELF.)

SCREAMS.

Okay.

The most recent episode being a direct result of Lois and Jimmy’s acceptance of his alter ego Superman. Because of course Superman is the preferred variation of himself. Everyone loves Superman. Everyone finds him cool and heroic and dazzling. Jimmy gets social media acclaim that he enjoys from it. Lois has a Cool Guy Boyfriend, and she told him outright she thinks he’s amazing in the last episode when he complained about being weird.

Why go back to being Clark? Under the unending burden of his new super hearing, he seems to be so drowned in voices that he forgets a very important one: Lois. She loved him as Clark long before Superman existed, the lumbering gentle giant who always treated people with dignity and respect was more than enough for her to fall in love. And that’s why it’s so poignant, but also so unbelievably devastating when she asks him to be normal in the newest episode.

Because what she was trying to say was “Please stop overexerting yourself, you’re hurting yourself. This is only going to end badly if you don’t rest and think about how you want to move forward. You’re enough as you are. You’re enough as Clark Kent.” She was trying to tell him that Superman isn’t all that matters, that Superman is a person with feelings and needs and vulnerabilities, just like anyone else.

What makes this miscommunication so powerful to me is that it’s clear Clark’s ability to differentiate has become confused ever since Lois and Jimmy accepted him. How much of him is Clark, how much of him is Superman? Before, when he had decided Superman was too much for him to handle and something that needed to stay hidden, he knew how to behave day to day. But now that the aforementioned operating precept has been dismantled by their acceptance, what is his blueprint now? To be freed of his chains, but to be too afraid to leave the cage--he becomes so openly and rapidly lost. It was easier when he didn’t have to choose or think about it.

Okay.

Like. I can see how it could be construed as a result of his inexperience, right? He’s never met intergalactic beings, so how would he know? He only just unlocked his powers as Superman, so of course he’s clumsy about it. He wasn’t a born fighter or a trained one, so of course he’s going to be a little green when he’s in combat.

But that’s the thing for me. It’s not that he doesn’t always have the time to re-evaluate, or strategize, or notice he’s being deceived. He just has such an unwavering sensibility, this one-track sense of “I am strong. So I must protect. And to do that I need to act.” And a lot of times this is as far as his thinking goes. And if that isn’t the most autistic shit imaginable, I’m really not sure what is.

The overshot clumsiness of his movements and occasional awkwardness, how he’s learned to smooth that over by being helpful to people or meek to be accepted. Like. I swear to god this show is going to kill me.

So much of the reason he tanked so badly in this episode was because he was using a broken coping mechanism to its absolute extreme. And instead of listening to his bodily and mental signals that he could no longer sustain helping every single person in the world, he just forces himself to push through. He’s so desperate to prove he’s a good person and belong, he doesn’t notice that it’s literally destroying him from the inside.

The mask that is Superman, and the unmasking that is the mindful and imperfect Clark Kent. That everyone adores Superman and wants him to fulfill their every need, no matter what it costs him to be that person. The fact that the moment they learn he’s an alien or see the raw extent of his power (pushed to unsustainable limits in desperation) he becomes a horrible, inhuman threat and a monster. The fact that it’s his friends and his family who see him unmasked as Clark and love him just as he is, that they care little for what Superman can give them because Clark is already enough. That they love Clark precisely BECAUSE he is somebody with weaknesses and flaws and imperfections, that adore his quirks and endearing fumbling.

The horrific reality that the more he leans into his masking out of desperation to be accepted, the more he estranges and incites violent rejection in the people around him. Even if he wants to do the right thing, he is so staunchly and too openly opposed to the malice of others that they hold grudges from the stark, exposing contrast. How choosing to be Superman can endanger and estrange the people who love Clark, isolating him even further. And yet when he is unmasked and acts like himself, he is hardly ever taken seriously or people take advantage of his meekness/willingness to help.

The first episode. When he just keeps chanting ‘be normal be normal be normal’ and the more pressure he puts on himself, the more he hyperfixates and the less his actions align with his intentions. The way he can never do both and can only manage to sustain one at a time. The core conflict that’s ever present; the desire to be ordinary under the reality that you are extraordinary, with the agonizing knowledge that you never had the choice to live under so much difference and scrutiny.

The never-ending autistic battle of being socially acceptable to the detriment of your greatest virtues: your passion and your honesty. To be left feeling empty and drained despite your success, no closer to self-satisfaction or feelings of human camaraderie. The reality of being always forced to choose between one bad option and a worse one, that the only choice you have is what you’re willing to sacrifice. That people will toy with your vulnerabilities no matter how desperately you try to conceal them, how your weaknesses will be a game or a spectacle to the rest of the world.

How one has to wonder to what degree the Superman witnessed in Lois’ memory capsule was pushed to the very brink. Or the pointed lack of context: what brought him to such extremes, what could inspire so much indifference to the pain of others? How, while it is frightening, he is a person just like anyone else--who possesses the potential for raw good and raw bad. Why is it that everyone so easily believes that his potential will be negative? Why is it so difficult to have faith in someone who is trying so hard to be good?

The irony of Clark’s predicament, that the sincere fulfillment he feels upon helping others is precisely what inspires fear in those who insist on their comparative self-serving normality.

“What’s your angle!? What’s in it for you?” “Trust me, kids. Nobody puts on that big a show of being good. Unless they’re hiding something…All he wants is to pull cats out of trees? Yeah, I’m not buying it.” “He’s not normal like you and me….If he really wanted to hurt us, what could we do about it?...Just him having a bad day could spell the end for us…Well, not all of us share your faith.” “You want to be number one? You don’t get there by writing fluff. You go for blood. That’s something Perry never understood. Do you?”

The unbearable but inevitable fact that being autistic is a perpetual experience of loss. If you are not selfish or egocentric like the rest of the world, you are naive and weak. If you exhibit an ounce of self-centered desire or emotion, you are something that must be eradicated for the greater good. No amount of good that you accomplish can ever balance the scales of what has been lost or spent to sustain you, because at the end of the day your life is considered one without value. It is irrelevant that entire military regimes have collectively decimated and endangered thousands for their so-called “results”, because you as a sole actor are so much easier to blame and trample.

The enduring fact, especially in a culture so absorbed in easy answers and harsh binaries, that the human mind does not care for the struggle of truth.

Anyway if you need me I’ll be clawing at the walls thanks

#my adventures with superman #maws #i just haven't been able to stop thinking about this #its like the newest episode made it impossible to question any longer #i hope this made sense to someone???? other than me #is it obvious that this weeks episode made me cry a little haha #stares into the distance So Normally #the way experiencing maws clark kent can be something so personal...

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hyperfixatedfandomer · 1 year

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12am incoherent Spider rant incoming:

The fact that a huge portion of Spider fans sympathise with him because they had similar family experiences in life is low-key making me feel kinda weird about people who hate him. Like let us recap the events real quick-

Like why do you hate a kid who did more to keep the Na’vi safe than Jake through the entire movie? “They’re after us” ok? This is not just about you dumbass it’s a whole-ass war, the RDA will still want to find the rest of your tribe because they want to ERADICATE your people 😐 the fact that it took him MONTHS to realise that running will not save anyone is 😬 (though I can get behind it bc family and all)

How is it that a goddamn 16 year old was the one who carried the good guy team??? 😐😐😐 he saved tribes from getting murdered, like literally, Tonowari said that no one had died, WONDER WHY???? DO Y’ALL THINK QUARITCH WAS NICE OUTTA NOWHERE???

And then he sunk a ship. HE SUNK A SHIP BY HIMSELF????

AND THEN HE INDIRECTLY SAVED KIRIS AND JAKE’S LIFE????

“He backstabbed them” I know you’re not blaming him for it when Neytiri exists 🧍 bestie outright REFUSED to help a literal child and didn’t bat an eye when he got captured. I can get behind her putting a knife to his throat in a rush of emotion but to very clearly ABANDON him? Fuck off. If her active decision to leave him behind didn’t turn into the reef Na’vi’s literal saving grace I’d be hating on her so actively.

“He saved his homocidal dad after he promised to murder his family” first of all the Sullys NEVER adopted him and it’s made abundantly clear. You sound like a gaslighter when you use that rhetoric. 😐📸

And secondly — HELL YEAH HE DID???? I would too if I was him and so would you and so would we all because Miles is the first grown up who GAVE A SHIT. MILES GENUINELY CARED. “It’s morally wrong” NO CAP 😀😀😀 NO ONE SAYS IT WAS RIGHT BUT THE KID HAD A SPLIT SECOND TO MAKE A DECISION AND HE CHOSE NOT TO BE A MURDERER.

You know what else is morally wrong tbw? Neglecting a child for 16 years.

“B-but they had no obligation to take care of a human kid—” cry me a fucking river 😐 what they want or not doesn’t fucking matter when we are talking about the mental health of an actual living breathing being. They ALL (the scientists, the Sullys and even the mf McKoskers or whatever the hell their last name is) were morally obligated to give that kid the best they could to ensure that he wouldn’t turn out like his father BECAUSE THEY’RE ADULTS.

The fact that their collective neglect DIDN’T blow up in their face is a pure miracle. Thant kid had every right to turn evil and burn the village that rejected him to feel it’s warmth but he DID NOT. In fact he is so goddamn kind and compassionate that he sees good even in a piece of shit monster like Quaritch.

It’s mind-blowing when we consider the lack of parental love and guidance throughout his life.

☝️ THIS is the kid you’re hating on???? Bc it’s starting to look suspiciously toxic 👀💅

Pay my boy some respect. He was a literal hero and y’all act like the Omatekaya, ignoring whatever good he might do and then point fingers at him when he does something morally questionable LIKE ITS NOT JAKES FAULT??? LIKE THE REST OF THE ADULTS ARE NOT AT FAULT TOO??

Neglect makes people vulnerable. Vulnerable enough for an asshole to swoop in and manipulate them and it is only thanks to Spider’s unyielding loyalty and heart that neither Ardmore, nor Miles had pulled anything out of him in MONTHS of captivity. They had NO idea where Jake or Omatekaya were until Norm fucked it all up with his trackable ship.

Listen I love all the blorbos, but the parents dug their own grave so to speak. You fumble the bag repeatedly and then get surprised when it flies into your face? 🤨

Anyway, I’m out. Might delete this later idk.

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phoeebsbuffay · 7 months

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Imagine you are Hayden Christensen's closest friend from college and you help him going through his divorce. Will friendship be enough for either of you? Based on the request made by @calzone-d ...

Warnings: *long post*, drama, explicit smut, fluffy endings.

Recommendations: "Summertime Sadness", "Ride", by Lana Del Rey; “Scared to be Lonely” by Dua Lipa; “Here with me”, by the Killers; “Always” by Gavin James.

***

How it started...

You were 19 years old when you finally got the chance to study cinema at Y/C's university. An old dream you had, to be able to transmit onscreen all your ideas. Your family encouraged you to pursuit the academy of arts in order to become an actress, but you thought yourself too introspective to act.

Well, here you were when you met him. The one who was destined to remain a principal figure in your life over the years. Taking acting classes--well, you did need to study it anyway--you bumped into Hayden Christensen.

"Excuse me", he said to you, a little out of breath.."Is this the acting class with Miss H/N? I fear I am slightly late..."

You remembered finding his blue eyes the handsomest pair of eyes you ever came across with: they were intense, secretive, but friendly too, somewhat emotional. You were instantly captivated.

"Yes, it is. And you are not in the slightest late, young man, but /very/ late indeed. Come in, take your seat, I'll have you updated..."

He gives you a long gaze, relieved for being saved from a bigger trouble—and you can tell he is a freshman like you.

“My name is Y/N”, you side smirk at him.

“Nice to meet you, Y/N. I am Hayden.”

You both shake hands. Something ignites within, but you think it’s because he has such a good aura…

“You are such a great actress!”, he is telling you, so many months later. “Quit with the production, you are better than me in decorating the lines.”

You grimace, which makes him laugh. The sound of his laughter is so comforting, like this call to your home.

“I don’t like this acting thing”, you dismiss his compliments nonchalantly. Today, you are in a cafeteria, celebrating the end of another semester. One more to go and you will be ready to keep up with your lives, though you and Hayden had vowed to each other never to be apart. “I feel more comfortable behind the cameras. By the way, I just had this idea!”

And then you lean to him, ready to shake him by his shoulders. He nearly chokes with his coke—but then laughing as always because your impulsiveness often brings him to laughters.

“For the love of God, woman. Do you want to see me dead before the time?”

You side smirk, silently apologizing with your puppy eyes. Hayden smiles back, before encouraging with what you had to say with only a nod. As you do, he seems to suddenly notice how nice your hair looks this day.

“I just had the greatest idea ever! I could film your audition and send to George Lucas. The Star Wars director is looking for someone of our age to portray young Anakin Skywalker. You know, before he becomes Darth Vader, of course.”

Hayden is taken aback by what you tell him. You can see the mix of sentiments that rises behind his blue eyes: insecurity, suspicious before reasoning to excitement.

“What? Are you for real, Y/N? How come did you hear about it? I mean…”

You tell him how your internship led you to it. This is how the fun begins, how both of you in fact begin your career.

You are there in every moment of his life: when Hayden has to conciliate his last semester with the filming of “Episode II: Attack of the Clones”, when he tells you that he and his on-screen romantic pair are having a thing.

He is also present at your graduation, the moment when you begin to transit to adulthood. What about it when you get yourself drunk for the very first time?

He is there too.

“I hate the taste of alcohol”, you grumble, unsure how come you are at his couch. “It aches my stomach, makes me sick.”

Hayden chuckles at how all of a suddenly you turn into these kind of discoveries after spending five years in college doing nothing but well behaving. However, due to such a strong bond you two share, he takes care of you.

“This is the moment where I tell you something you told me once: better to put out than to swallow all in.”

You raise your face, eyes twinkling with amusement.

“Did you just hear yourself?!”

“Wasn’t that what you told me?”

“No!”, you laugh hard at his remark. “Oh my God, H!”

He chuckles after you.

“Well, it did make you laugh, didn’t it?”

***

• The subtle changes…

You are single again. Your ex dumped you. Coincidently, Hayden is single as well. He’s also been going through a difficult phase in his life after all the critics coming from the fans of “Star Wars”. “Episode III” of the franchise didn’t go that well and even though it’s been a year since it’s release, he’s still affected by it.

“We’ve been through so much together”, Hayden tells you one day. “We should definitely do something new for a change.”

“I agree”, you sigh. Currently unemployed, you haven’t been yourself lately either. “Any thoughts?”

“A good journey would do us well. Let us go to Scotland”, so he says, excited. “Come on, Y/N. I’ll let you drive!”

You chuckle at his old tendency to be so reckless. And you do so because you can’t refuse him anything. A bad omen you clearly ignore, of course.

“Very well. When should we do this trip?”

But why’d you bother to ask when you know the answer? Hayden smiles warmly at him.

Oh that damn smile…

“Tomorrow. I’ve already bought the tickets and booked the hotel.”

You scoff at him, offended.

“What? Why? Are you taking me for granted, Christensen? For the love of God…”

Just like that he lifts you up and throws you over his shoulder, smiling as you scream out of surprise. As he puts you down, Hayden messes with your hair, delighted when seeing he’s the reason of your amusement.

And he realizes this is a nice view to contemplate: the sight of your smile, the sound of your laughters, the joy that sparks in your eyes… Seeing you like this makes him genuinely smile in his turn and forget about his bad phase.

But he doesn’t realize that this may mean something else. Or perhaps he doesn’t want to. It’s been years now since you and him became the closest of the friends, so what if all of this is just the result of genuine admiration from one friend to the other?

Regardless, he’s going to take you with him to Scotland. And so you go with him… It is wild to consider how you are usually all straight, not doing nothing that goes out the line all the whilst Hayden is more prompted to take chances and live the present quite intently.

On that fact you blame him being very aries all the whilst you, as taurus lady, prefer to know where you are going. However, he makes life so interesting that even you, as already observed, cannot deny him anything.

So here you are now at Edinburgh.

“I love everything that is medieval”, you tell him excitedly with a spark in your eyes that makes Hayden smile. He does like when you speak passionately about the things you are interested. “I cannot believe I took so long to come here!”

“Yeah, me neither!”

It is a good time to be alive, both of you agree. The landscape is seductive, peaceful, traits much sought after such a bad period you both went through. People too are kind, albeit reserved, but very pleasant.

Those days are being built in your memory as something great to be remembered, but perhaps there is just more that neither seem too attentive…

“Lady, one bedroom with two beds”, asks Hayden, when you got to London eventually because he, of course, is a man who plans very little—much to your distress, the woman who likes everything settled.

But this is not any hotel, but a fanciful one. The said lady looks at him pitifully.

“Mr Christensen, my apologies, but there is only a suite with one bed.”

You two blush, but Hayden somehow doesn’t mind it. This is when you realize you not only don’t mind it but you also want it…badly. Perhaps that’s why you sabotage it.

“You know what? Let’s make it for another day. Come now, Hayden. Thank you”, you blurt out, pushing him outside.

“What the hell was that?”, he frowns at you. “Y/N, what’s wrong with sharing a bed? Do you honestly think anything would happen or what?”

He doesn’t realize his words hurt you, but in truth there is more than his subtle frustration at your refusal allows him to admit. There is an unspoken rising desire between you.

And of course you have to ruin everything.

“I just… please don’t be upset! It’s because I cannot afford it and…” and you tell him the other reason for it, which appeases his anger and is more palpable than you’d care to admit: you are expecting an interview.

Hayden softens, naturally, but you know he’s changed. You hate it because you know why. There are so many things that suddenly rise in your throat but they die choked.

Somehow Hayden knows it too. But he chickens away. He hugs you instead, not willing to lose his best friend.

“I’m sorry for being such an impulsive jackass. But we did have a great time, didn’t we?”

Oh but if only you knew what waits for you back to US…

***

• The marriage

Here you are, dressed in yellow, standing as a maid in honor for the bride and groom. Your heart breaks because you realize a little too late that you are in love with your best friend.

Worse is: had you accepted to share one bed with Hayden in London, everything would be different. Yeah, you may not have gotten that job as a producer of that movie, but Hayden wouldn’t meet Rachel Bilson.

Nonetheless, here you are. Celebrating their vows, wondering if you could be there for a moment, what would be like if you were her.

��Hey, Y/Nickname!”, Hayden exclaims after the ceremony is over. He is wearing his gorgeous smile and dressed in fanciful robes, which all highlights his handsomeness. But you have learned to bury everything deep inside your heart. A secret that you’d take to your grave.

“I can’t believe you are married, Hay!”, you giggle when you greet him with a tight embrace. “I’m so happy for you! Oh my God, look how grown up you are!”

He laughs quietly.

“I know right? Who’d ever thought? The idea of marriage was hardly ever entertained for me”, so he says.

“Oh right! As I told Rachel once, I do have recollections of your drunkenness state and all that came between”, you laugh too, remembering the first time he had a hangover.

“What a time to be alive”, says Hayden in his typical good mood.

As you speak, you do seem to come to terms that if he is happy, so are you. You are at peace with it at long last. Hayden, on his turn, for a time seems to have suspected that you harbored feelings for him. But he always ignored it for the sake of your friendship. Now seeing how genuinely happy you are for him, certainly he believes it was all a thing of his head.

But why does he have a bittersweet taste of it?

“Could you introduce me to that man over there?” You nudge his sides, pointing to a handsome man that is not very far from Rachel herself.

Hayden raises an eyebrow.

“Really, now, Y/N?”

“You don’t expect me to be a nun, do you?”

He chuckles.

“Well I don’t want to see you get hurt, is all…”

Quite unwillingly, though, he leads the way. And maybe the night will not end that bad for you, after all.

***

•The divorce and the consequences…

In fact, looking back now it was really a great job pushing Hayden to introduce the guy to you because he ended up becoming your boyfriend.

This new relationship of yours, however, changed the dynamics of your friendship with Hayden for some time—but maybe it was all because he was living a different life now, becoming a father in the process.

A few years rolled upon, though, when everything started to fall apart—for you and Hayden. You found out that your new relationship was damaged because you and your boyfriend were scared to be lonely. A crisis developed to fights, to exchange of words that only broke hearts.

In the meantime, Hayden realized how long he missed his best friend. His own marriage started to fall apart, but the more it broke down, the more he needed you again.

Was it a selfish wish to have you by his side? Such questionings never reached you out due to his pride, that masked his hurt. Perhaps he was only scared to be lonely too. He could deal with it himself.

Nonetheless, destiny—the same destiny that pushed one from the other—is about to bring you two together again. One call and your night would be different.

You are single now, ready to go out that night with your girlfriends when suddenly a phone call startles you. It’s Hayden. Your heart races: he hasn’t been the one to call, and hasn’t done so for a long while.

“Hey, H. How are you? Haven’t heard of you for some time. Is everything ok?”, you ask, concerned.

There is a pause that accelerates your heart. You know he is not well. Before he answers, you immediately add:

“I’ll be in your home in a few minutes.”

“I’ll give you the new address. I’m not living with Rachel anymore: we got divorced.”

You are stunned upon those words. Now your silence leaves Hayden uncomfortable. He breaks it by saying:

“Y/Nickname? Are you there?”

“Yes, honey, I am. I’m so sorry, Hay. Please stay there… I’ll be on my way.”

He chuckles.

“Where else would I go to?”

In a matter of minutes, after requesting an Uber, you, dressed the way you are, arrive to his new home. Hayden side smirks when seeing you, though how he eyes you up and down makes you blush lightly.

“Wow, Y/N. Looking hot, aren’t you?”, he laughs when seeing the pink painting your cheeks, hugging you tight when receiving you. “Please tell me I didn’t ruin your night.”

You slap his shoulder playfully, eyes rolling at his drama.

“Don’t say bullshit to me, Christensen. I just wish I knew it properly before. I hope you don’t mind me looking like this.”

“You have always been a distraction to my eyes”, he teases you, pleased to see nothing has really changed between the two of you. “We need some wine, it’s not really a warming night, I suppose.”

As you look into his new apartment, he promptly gets the best wine to serve you. Without your knowledge, Hayden’s eyes follow your moves: noticing your y/c hair is now on your shoulders, how vivid your eyes are, remaining as observing and curious as before.

He cannot help admiring you physically too: though this is a cold night and you are dressed accordingly, when you drop your black coat on his coach, he sees your warming blouse shows some skin.

Indeed, Y/N, looking as hot and beautiful as always. Such is his thought.

He never really told you but Rachel was jealous of you. According to her, she could see you harbored feelings for him and part of her feared Hayden would correspond. Nonsense, he’d tell her.

But now, was she really so wrong? Yet, another and more important question he asks himself is: how could have he let go of you? Not only about matters of sentimentalism, but you’ve been an important piece of his life.

Seeing you back hurts his heart because he now sees the stupidity in letting go of you. He wishes he could have asked you to wait for him, to never let go of you. But this is such a state of complex selfishness that he quiets his internal riot and puts a smile on his lips when bringing the two of you the best wine he has, aware you prefer the sweet ones.

“I was admiring your new apartment”, you tell him, smiling in thanks as he passes you a full glass. “Whoa, looks like we are having a full drinking night, aren’t we? Christensen, I am not that young anymore. Not sure I am prepared to have a full hangover again.”

Hayden cracks loud and the sound of his laughters makes your heart skip a beat. Nothing feels different, you think, pleased.

“I’m bringing us something to eat, silly head. Besides I’ve always taken care of you, right?”

“That is true”, you agree. “But what are we having to eat today?”

“Always hungry, eh?”, he teases you.

You shrug playfully before saying:

“What can I do? I am a Taurus, you know it!”

He rolls his eyes, laughing loud again at your remarks—and that sound has always made your heart race, hasn’t it?

“Not with that astrology nonsense again!”

You slap his arm playfully before joining him in chuckles.

“Always with that astrology nonsense, silly.”

It is not until pizza is brought to you that the serious conversation is finally there.

“So what happened, Hayden?”, you ask him softly.

He sighs heavily, avoiding your gaze. He is silent, but you are patient, giving some time, for which he appreciates it.

“How often do we fall for the idea our minds make of the person?”, says he, sounding frustrated. “Not rarely we come to romantic ideas of marriage that break before the crude reality, you know? It’s not just about being different, Y/N, it’s… the commitment, I suppose, in making everything right. Turns out we had very different ideas of making it right.”

“I’m sorry, Hay. I really am”, you speak gently, taking his hand to yours, realizing how broken he is makes your heart sensitive to his pain.

He appreciates it, but when feeling your skin against him, Hayden is remembered the days before he met Rachel. The way he made you smile, the jokes that brought him to laughters. How easily it was to be around you, how you softened him. He, who was never a sentimental man, hugged you more times than he realized.

But Hayden sweeps away such memories.

“I am too. But I am fine now”, he shrugs. “I mean, not entirely recovered, but better than being broken.”

“Take your time, it’s the best you can do. How long has it been going on?”

Hayden hesitates but says:

“Six months.”

Your eyes go wide and your voice comes louder than expected:

“YOU HAVE GONE THROUGH A DIVORCE SIX MONTHS AGO?”

At least he has the decency to blush.

“Hayden! How could you keep me in secret for such a long time?!”

You’d remove his hand but Hayden doesn’t let you to. Pulling you to his side, he says, almost in a tone of desperation:

“I thought I could handle this by myself”, he explains. “I really didn’t want to bother you…”

Perhaps it’s the wine, but your tongue runs loose with words that have long been choked in your throat.

“And what am I to you? A second option, a plan B that didn’t work out? You’ve kicked me out of your life, Hayden. You’ve never called me to ask me if I was doing ok!”

He gives you a painful look that makes you regret instantly of what you said. You’d think he let go of you and a fight would come—this happened once when both of you were drunk, though by then you were both silly and immature.

“I’ve got a war in my mind for a long while”, he exclaims, holding your wrist and he pulls you even closer to him. “I was fucking stupid, I screwed it, I know. But never would I kick you out of my heart, Y/N! And I… I’m sorry I was fucking blinded by my pain. But only because I feared to hurt you.”

You await for his burst to end, very familiar with his intensity—but when his blue eyes search for yours, your soul is denuded.

Oh fuck.

“I stepped away because he was a douchebag”, he proceeds. “You deserved better than such a man, Y/N. I’ve heard of his doings but I couldn’t reach you out when… when I was in the mid of a crisis myself.”

“You’ve always been too shut in yourself to let others in”, you sigh. “But what relation is there with the fact I was in a relationship?”

“You deserved better”, he says with greeted teeth, holding your face with his hands, both of you barely noticing how your bodies have been dancing dangerously close to each other. “You are still slow after all this time?”

You are shocked, perplexed by his words. You freeze. Hayden smiles slowly at your reaction.

“I feel it everywhere, nothing scares me anymore. I won’t let you go. Now now, not ever. Fuck, I married the wrong person. Heaven has always been my favourite place on Earth when I was with you.”

“You have always been the best”, you mumble incoherently.

Just like that your lips clash against his. In between fervent kisses, where he pulls you to his lap, no reason is admitted. Not anymore.

“I’ve missed you, Y/Nickname”, he groans against your lips. “Like the sun misses the moon.”

“Always the romantic”, you chew his bottom lip as your hands run over his hair, pulling it gently. “Don’t want your memories anymore. Fuck, Christensen, you took so long.”

“This is not a game, I swear”, he breaks the kiss to pursuit your skin, his tongue already on your neck as his hands hold your hips, making you feel his rigid pants.

“Oh Lord. My worst sin is to never be able to refuse you anything”, you hate how wine makes you speak your mind.

Raising his head to watch you intently, he messes with your hair before holding your chin, drawing you closer to him.

Oh that intensity that involves one to the other!

“Then make me a sinner too for giving you all that you deserve.”

You crawl over him, you know you do, when your tongue pursuits his, one pairs the other rhythmically, perfectly. And then he lies you there on the couch, hands already working to remove your pants.

His eyes are set on yours like that of a hunter about to capture his prey. He knows you are on fire and that he is the gasoline. You lean partly to remove his shirt, hands all over him. You gasp when feeling his muscles under your touch and you want more, but…

“Patience, Y/Nickname”, his voice is husky and domineering when laying you down again.

“Yes, Master”, you giggle softly, in such a state that makes you both smile to the other.

And just like that his hands find way to your thighs, gently parting before inserting one right there in your feminine parts, not really taking away your panties for such.

“Oh, God!” You moan sensually, enjoying his eyes on you as he works wonderfully on you. “This is better than I thought!”

“Is it?”, he groans softly in your ear. “How long have you been thinking about it, dear one?”

“For a long while! God knows how much…”, another moan breaks you, earning him a smirk. “Hayden…”

“Yeah?”

“I fucked him thinking about you”, you admit.

His eyes dart, his body shakes lightly with desire. Slowly moving on top of you, his moves increase intently, watching you with desire.

“Damned be you for never speaking your thoughts to me”, he lifts your blouse gently but you help him removing it. As he starts to kiss your neck down to your chest, your legs begin to get heavy at his tenderness. “You should have spoken it to me…”

“Never had I the courage to do so”, you moan, enjoying having his hand over your neck lightly as he bites down your bra, slowly removing it with his mouth.

“For you should. It would have spared us some time. I fucked her thinking of you too”, he admits it drunkly before burying his lips to your nipple, much to your delight.

Hayden ruins you and it’s better than you could have thought. You want him to yourself, to make him unspeakable things but it’s difficult to do or say anything when his lips are so occupied with each nipple, twirling his tongue around it, sucking and biting it.

The sounds in his living room go louder each time. You are brought to heaven, and only then you take control of yourself again.

“Hayden…”, you barely speak when he finishes with you.

You both are a puddle of mess when you, nude, sit over his lap. You share a drunk look, one filled with the darkest desires for so long muffled, now brought to light.

“Yes, babe?” He kisses your shoulders, groaning as you rub yourself against his hardness. “Will you forgive me for such a behavior?”

His words are barely heard when his head is thrown back because your skillful hands find way to his pants and remove it so soon.

You glance at his manhood, impressed by how it is when it’s this hard under your touch.

“You don’t deserve forgiveness”, you giggle softly as you start rubbing it, enjoying to feel the drip of it. “You should be punished.”

He holds back a gasp at your words. Now eyeing you, interested in your upcoming moves. And when you slide to your knees…

“Babe…”

“Yeah?”

One glance. Unspoken words fill the air. And you take with his mouth at long last, not stopping until you have it all down your throat.

“For God’s sake!”, he gasps. “I can’t wait any longer to have you with me!”

All gentleness is left aside when he helps you settle on his lips and he slides inside you. To feel him throbbing like this, going so hard in you makes you arch your back.

“This feels so good!”

His hands move down your back as his lips pursuit your skin, licking and taking every bit of you—though he does know how much you enjoy when he takes his time around your nipples, which he does graciously.

But it’s not until his eyes meet yours, sealing your lips as much as you seal your bodies together, that all is at long last truly consumed….

***

• Nowadays

In a sober state, everything is better appreciated. Hayden watches as you gleefully prepare breakfast. There is nothing but genuinely love in his eyes.

What had started as an explosion of sentiments for so long kept in secret has now flown to what should have always been: a genuine relationship. From friends to lovers. From lovers to something better.

He smiles, not now missing the lateness of his realization that you have always been the love of his life. He stands and moves to behind you, holding you close and smelling your scent as you prepare him some eggs.

“What? I’ve been sensing your eyes over me”, you giggle like a little girl. “Don’t get me weak again, Christensen. This is so not you.”

He turns you at him and holds your face between his hands.

“I love you, Y/Nickname.”

Hayden smiles wide when seeing a blush painting your cheeks. And he beams when you tell him the same.

“I love you too, H. Though I fear I love you more.”

“That is not true”, he protests in between laughters.

But before you fall into that old cliche you and him enjoy in secret intimacy, breakfast is ready. As you two enjoy that morning moment, it doesn’t strike as how many years have passed before you two achieved it at long last.

“I have news to tell”, says Hayden with a bright smile on his lips.

You rest your chin over your hands and say:

“Well? Tell me at once.”

He appreciates all the love that comes from you. The way you look at him, how genuinely you listen and help him in every moment, how kind you always are, how sincere you speak your heart out. So many virtues and even your flaws he appreciates.

There is so much love between the lines and out of them too.

“I was asked to play Anakin Skywalker again.”

And how fantastic you are as his soon to be wife when you jump in his arms excited with his news.

“That is awesome, my darling! I’m so happy for you!”

“A better start than I could have thought”, he admits, pulling you to sit on his lap.

“You deserve it all”, you brush your lips against his. “I love you, my heart.”

“I love you, my soul”, he whispers back.

And this is the ending you deserve.

***

•Epilogue…

When you show up dressed in red—from your full lips to your body—Hayden feels something rise in his chest.

“My God, you look gorgeous, Y/N…”, so he says mischievously when you show up after leaving him waiting for 30 minutes. “It was worth the time…”

You giggle, blushing lightly after all this time. Your hair is loose wavily, put on side as you wear the necklace and earrings Hayden gifted you in your birthday.

“Don’t be silly. Have they arrived yet?”

The occasion is to celebrate Hayden and Ewan’s series “Kenobi”. Hayden’s aforementioned friend said he was going to pick them up in a limo so they’d go all together.

“They are about to… which leaves us a few minutes”, he places right behind you, holding your waist tightly.

“Hayden… It took me some time to get properly dressed. Besides, I…” you get lost at your words when he starts kissing your neck and his hands move up and down your back.

“What are you trying to say?”

Hayden smirks, enjoying the effect he has over you. It’s been some good years since you got together, but even now he manages to get you speechless.

“I…”

Your mind goes blank when he turns you to the mirror and see the naughty look that rests in those blue eyes. His hands move to your breasts, playing with your nipples before slowly exposing them.

“Hayden… they are….” You moan softly, struggling to keep your composure.

He turns you now against the wall of your bathroom, mouth dropping to your full chest all the whilst his hands move to your thighs.

“Hmm”, he sings softly, humming against your skin. “Hot as hell, wife.”

You try not to fall from your heels.

“Hayden!” You cry out when his fingers find all the way to you.

“You get your man on knees every single time. Getting me overzealous, uh?”, he smirks when going to his knees. “All wet for me, honey? Let me taste you thus…”

You are almost ruined as he does so, his tongue in you the way you want him to. You forget yourself, forget the reason why this expensive gown you bought three months ago was quite difficult to dress—precisely why you’d want to tell him by the end of the night.

You forget your state, you forget you should be checking time before your friends arrive. There is nothing to remember as he fucks you with his tongue deliciously until you are about to come undone…

Just like that he lifts your thighs and before you complain, he slides his manhood within, fucking you slowly and pleasantly.

“Oh God!” You scream but he has to quiet your sounds, especially because… the bell is rang.

“That was quick”, he manages to say breathlessly as he rushes to keep himself recomposed.

You giggle, suddenly shy as you do the same.

“Indeed…”

Hayden finds you adorable and peppers kisses around your face.

“They can wait a little. I thought you wanted to say something… you know, before…”

You two share a giggle and he smiles when you bury your face in his shoulder.

“I… I am pregnant, H.”

He hugs you closer. What a night, what a life with you is. Hayden Christensen could not have been any happier…

#star wars #star wars imagine #imagine star wars #Hayden Christensen #Anakin Skywalker #darth vader #Hayden Christensen smut #hayden christensen x y/n #Hayden Christensen x female reader

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nateriverswife · 1 year

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one thing I hate, and when I say I hate, I mean that I despise with all my fucking being, is that Ohba glossed over some important events that should've affected the characters in a much more meaningful way. you mean to tell me that L died, the greatest detective in the world, the person they spent 307 days with, almost day and night together, and the only one who showed actual sadness is Soichiro? and that's it? not even a tear from Matsuda? I don't believe it. Matsuda would cry if a bug died. There's no way he was only scared for his life, to the point that he was willing not to continue the case. I just don't believe it. Even Aizawa. He would not cry, but he would show how fucking pissed he is that Kira killed L. They were too calm. Too fucking calm. Soichiro was actually distraught by that, and the others were like, "oh well lol now what do we do, please, Light, save us". shut the hell up. the task force's reactions at L's death were so fucking weird, so fucking shallow, so fucking fake, so fucking uncharacteristic. Aizawa would not just fucking accept that. He pointed out that Rem disappeared when Watari and L died and didn't look into that? it was literally in front of him. he just needed to think: "how do shinigami kill? death note. why did she disappear? what was that sand? could that be shinigami's ashes? we do cremate people, so... but shouldn't it have been there a fire? but if she died, where's her death note? could that just disappear? or did someone take it? who could take it? I mean, I am sure the task force did not... we were all together, but... wait, didn't Light run off without anyone? And he was the one to call us over there...". It was literally there. and he waited 6 fucking years to consider Light kind of suspicious. you are making them dumb on purpose at this point, 'cause that would've literally taken a bit of creativity and some skills they already should posses because they are fucking police officers. and the fact that they let fucking suspect number #1 put his hands on L's computer??? are you okay in the head?? that's like the first rule of any investigation. don't give the suspect unrestricted access to the evidence you have against him or, in this case, all L's work about the kira case. and they did it. they fucking did it. no matter what, no matter how much time passed, he was still a fucking suspect and misa was quite confirmed to be the second kira, so goddamn, just ask yourself some fucking questions. stop acting like passive terminals, you dumb fucks, and do something. you learn to connect dots in kindergarten, do you need me to send you back there?

#this went from my rant about how i think their reactions at L's death were written badly #to 'i am willing to beat them all cuz they are so fucking stupid'#really quicky #except soichiro #let this poor man grieve #death note #l lawliet #light yagami #soichiro yagami #shuichi aizawa #touta matsuda #I added something else in a reblog if you are interested lol

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bookofmirth · 3 months

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what do you think about ppl saying that the cauldron is corrupt means that maybe the elucien bond is indeed “fake” and that the trove trope links Azriel with Elain and that would be their plot

It's honestly funny that people are acting like they gained new information that somehow changes anything about mating bonds. All we really got in hofas is further confirmation that sjm is going to give everyone and their dog a mating bond, that it never goes away, and that mating bond = endgame. All of which we knew.

Setting aside the fact that that would supposedly be their plot - despite all of the actual world-threatening info they learned in hofas - let's talk about the cauldron.

We already knew that the Cauldron had been "corrupted". In acomaf, the Bone Carver tells Rhys and Feyre this:

“Long ago, before the High Fae, before man, there was a Cauldron … They say all the magic was contained inside it, that the world was born in it. But it fell into the wrong hands. And great and horrible things were done with it. Things were forged with it. Such wicked things that the Cauldron was eventually stolen back at great cost.

So this is not news. Why are they just now deciding that it means something?

Speaking of this reason, since Rhys knew in acomaf that the Cauldron was corrupted, and if every mating bond could be suspect because of that, then it stands to reason that none of them would be so hyped about mating bonds. Every character would be much more suspicious if they got one, and you know that Tamlin would be looking to delegitimize Feyre and Rhys's. But they aren't acting on that assumption, that the Cauldron is giving them something that is corrupt. If Rhys didn't know this info before talking to the Bone Carver, then he would have looked into it, knowing that Feyre was supposedly his mate. However, learning this info did nothing to keep Rhys from thinking that his bond was every bit as valid as he'd thought it was before. Feyre didn't warn either of her sisters, "hey, your bonds might be fake"??? If that information was supposed to be have implications for mating bonds, we haven't seen a single character act on that. For years in book time, and through a few mating bonds.

2. If the Cauldron were randomly making mating bonds, then we'd have to consider a few things, namely that it puts the validity of every single mating bond in acotar into question. Are we really going to go out here and say that chapter 54 of acomaf is meaningless? That Nesta and Cassian may as well cancel that mating ceremony because what's the point?

3. We don't know where mating bonds come from. Rhys, who knows more about the world besides anyone other than Amren, doesn't know where they come from. Rhys says maybe the Mother, maybe the Cauldron, but the fact is that the mating bond comes from SJM because she decides that when a couple is going to be endgame, she makes them mates.

4. If a person had used the cauldron to create a fake elucien mating bond, then... who? Why would they do that? They've been mates for 2+ years in book time and literally nothing has come of it? No one gives a fuck that Elain and Lucien are mates.

5. Mating bonds are from birth. It has been stated multiple times. It didn't happen because Elain went into the cauldron. It gets stronger when the sisters are Made and come across the wall, but it existed before that.

6. SJM has told us exactly what happens when a mating bond is rejected. In fact, from HOFAS, when Hunt was talking to Baxian about Danika:

“It was a potential minefield, to bring up his dead mate. To lose a mate was to lose half of your soul; to live without them was torture.”

From acomaf:

you were in love with another male, and had destroyed yourself to save him, and that … that I didn’t care. If you were going to die, I was going to die with you.

From acofas:

I still saw that moment, in my sleeping and waking dreams. How his face had looked, how his chest had not risen, how the bond between us had shredded into ribbons. I still felt it, that hollowness in my chest where the bond had been, where he had been. Even now, with that bond again flowing between us like a river of star-flecked night, the echo of its vanishing lingered. Drew me from sleep; drew me from a conversation, a painting, a meal.

7. She has also talked about mating bonds in the highest praise; here are some examples.

Mating bonds = endgame in sjm world. She creates them because she wants that couple to be together. It's really that simple.

#antielriel #elucien #ask #anon #hofas #hofas spoilers #spoilers #mating bond

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herehavesomeheadcanons · 1 year

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hi! could you write cute relationship headcanons with ferid bathory? tyy!

Inside me are two wolves: one of them wants to stick to canon, and the other wants to fulfill requests to the letter. I am the mediator in their bloody battle as I try to find out how the actual fuck to write sweet fluff about a psycho vampire who murders orphans for fun and threatens to molest children. You guys just love to make me think, don't you?

Tw: Suggestive content. Listen, Ferid is Ferid.

Fluff with Ferid Bathory~

Same as usual, snatched the images off Pinterest.

🤍♦️ Well, for starters he is always clinging to you. He seems to always need to be touching you at every second. Doesn't matter what you're doing, he's gonna wrap his arms around you, drape himself over you, and kiss every inch of exposed skin. He especially loves to distract you from doing any projects or work you're trying to finish.

🤍♦️ Ferid is nothing if not playful. That being said, his version of 'play' might be a little different from yours. It's really him just trying his absolute best to get on your nerves and get you to react. He'll chase you around with a spider dangling from his fingertips to get a good reaction out of you. He also enjoys fun games such as tag, hide-and-seek, and play-wrestling. He knows he's going to win easily, but it's fun to see just how long he can keep the game going. Literally every game is cat and mouse for him. I think you know who's who.

🤍♦️ The best way to get him to be somewhat more soft with you is to make him actually love you. How do you do that? The answer is much more simple than you realize: beg for his attention. That's right, you heard me. Ferid has this desperate, subconscious need to feel wanted. That's why he has such a strong begging kink. Letting him know that you like his attention and want more fills that empty hole inside him, and he gets addicted quickly. He might not realize it at first, but eventually he'll come to the conclusion that he cannot live without you, and he will act accordingly.

🤍♦️ He will spoil you even more than he already does. Your life will very suddenly get a whole lot better, and it might make you a little suspicious at first. This is Ferid trying to impress you. He's basically making the statement that he can provide for you much better than anyone else can, so clearly he's the best and you should stay with him. Sure, he could just keep you hostage like he's basically already doing, but he's smarter than that. He knows that if you actually want to stay with him, then that decreases the chances of someone trying to 'save' you from him. He wants you to choose him over potential freedom.

🤍♦️ He will become even more possessive of you, and PDA will increase dramatically. He needs to let everyone know who you belong to. If he feels like someone is getting a little bit too close to you, he might stage a scenario where they 'accidentally' catch you two having a bit of fun (poor Mika has been the victim of this several times, because he feels sorry for you and keeps trying to talk to you). He simply cannot risk someone taking you away from him, and will do whatever it takes to keep you by his side.

🤍♦️ He will begin to take an active interest in pleasing you, both in the bedroom and out of it. And suddenly, he cares about giving you aftercare. Again, this is him saying that he's the best partner for you. Surely no other human could please you the way he can! He isn't wrong, of course. This bastard is extremely clever and observant, and a very quick learner. He knows what you like. (He'll also get a lot more needy, so watch out for that.)

🤍♦️ He will, in fact, attempt to join in any activities you enjoy. He'll watch TV with you, play games, learn how to sing, dance, paint, literally anything just to spend as much time as possible with you. He might never figure out why, but you are the one thing he'll never get bored of and he NEEDS your attention. Just give it to him, it's not like you can avoid him.

🤍♦️ Soft cuddles will become a thing. He loves to hold you and kiss you, and it makes his heart melt when you relax into his arms. It makes him feel so loved when you show him that you trust him and are comfortable enough to let your guard down around him, and he is shamelessly addicted to the feeling. And if you decide to turn the tables and spoil him with affection? You're going to be stuck with him forever.

🤍♦️ He will stay in bed with you all night, every night, even though he doesn't sleep. The fact that you are comfortable enough with him to fall asleep in his arms, even when he hasn't thoroughly exhausted you, has him almost in tears. He'll wake you up in the morning by covering your face in kisses!

🤍♦️ Ferid is capable of being a fantastic romantic partner, but it takes a special kind of person to be able to draw it out of him, and then to be able to handle how needy he gets when you finally do manage it. But chances are, if you're the kind of person that would willingly beg for his attention, you're the kind of person that can handle it!

#owari no seraph x reader #seraph of the end x reader #ferid bathory #ferid bathory x reader #ons ferid x reader #ons ferid

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everythingthatsgoingon · 2 months

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I was just thinking that given that Lila/Cerise is going to be a/the main antagonist in the future, it's a good thing that the Miraculous team now seem to have Félix on their side (and in their friend group too I suppose) as he might be the only one who will be able to see through her future's alias lies.

I mean, sure Marinette saw through her the first time, but not only was her jealousy over Adrien a major factor, she also knew for a fact that Lila didn't know Ladybug.

Similarly, Adrien, being Chat Noir, could find it suspect that Ladybug would be friend with a civilan, let alone one who talked about it so freely. What's more, while he might be a bit naive at times, his fame has him used to liars up to a point.

The rest of their friends though all seem pretty willing to trust her. I guess the only odd-one-out is Luka who I believe never interacted with her.

If she goes with more subtle lies, the way I seem to remember she did with Kagami, not lies about extraordinary achievements or famous acquaintances, but lies or implicit suggestions about interpersonal relationships, I'm not sure any if the Miraculous holders will see through it.

Félix might be the only exception in my eyes. While he seems to be somewhat sheltered, like Adrien and Kagami, and thus not the best when it comes to social cues and conventions, he is the most wary, the one most used to fend for himself. He is naturally suspicious where Adrien would give people the benefit of the doubt. I'm not sure if his Miraculous might give him an additional advantage (make him some kind of empath), but that's also something to keep in mind. His own acting skill might be, to our knowledge, limited to imitating his cousin, but his skills as a magician might help him catch Lila/Cerise red-handed at some point. And he has shown an ability to come up with ambitious plans and to achieve his goals through a variety of means that only Lila/Cerise can rival with so far.

The rest of them are just too "innocent".

Though Luka could also be a candidate, due to his "empath" music skills.

For both of them though, there is the question of how much interaction they might actually have with Lila/Cerise as they have been rather secondary characters so far. And the show seems to stubbornly only focus on Marinette/Ladybug, and Adrien/Chat Noir to a lesser extent. The start of a new villain arc would be a great time to change the dynamic, but I'm not very optimistic regarding the probability of this actually happening (this is a kids' show with a vested (economic) interest to keep focusing on the friendly heroine and her cool & gentlemanly sidekick, rather than the deeper, somewhat ambivalent secondary characters).

In the end I wouldn't be surprised if they have Marinette being the one to see through her because of Lila/Cerise's animosity towards her and Ladybug. Possibly with Adrien/Chat Noir being taken advantage of, with the true circumstances of his father's death being kept from him by Ladybug, and Lila/Cerise telling him the truth or something close to it, plus not having "been there to save his father" and him still being just "one of the (Miraculous) team" getting to him.

If they are going to stick to Marinette and Adrien instead of giving a bigger role to secondary characters, let's hope they at least make it somewhat interesting by having Marinette completely falling for the "new girl's" friendly attitude and Adrien being the suspicious one.

But yeah, fingers crossed for more Félix screen time (he's definitely the most interesting character so far, toeing the line between "good and bad") and him being key to "defeating" Lila/Cerise. And in general to more "mature" storylines than what we've had so far. And/or more realistic ones.

#Ml #Miraculous #Miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug season 5 #Miraculous ladybug season 6 #marinette dupain cheng #Ladybug #adrien agreste #chat noir #félix fathom #félix graham de vanily #Argos #luka couffaine #viperion #kagami tsurugi #lila rossi #cerise bianca

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mushigima · 1 year

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Ghost headcanons because I love me a mysterious masked man

König headcanons can be found here.

-> a very literal man. A lot of people around him might think he’s a mystery but they’re just blinded by the mask - if you actually interact with him on a daily basis you’ll quickly find out that he’s very straightforward and transparent at and off work.

-> also starting off strong with the fact that I believe he’s generally not a jealous person, not even in a relationship. I do think he has his insecurities and he def gets in his sappy moods once in a while but generally knows that yearning for things he has no influence on is very contra productive. Tries his best to always stay in the moment and to not get into his head too much (because he usually does).

-> But on the other hand I can see him being a tat…possessive... Being possessive doesn’t translate into him being very emotionally reactive about it tho. Makes sure that his fears of losing what’s ‘his’ stay fears and realizes them as purely imagined. Again, I think he knows very well that he’s an avoidant person. However, if he gets insecure and therefore struggles with possessiveness, it starts with a flicker and then a spark: usually hes good at catching it. It won’t start a fire within him. But if it does he’s getting into his head, being suspicious. Will translate into on and off behavior or him being more closed off at worst.

-> 100% clenches his jaws at night. Ghost is a certified neurotic, change my mind. Integrates specific rituals to sort out his mind in his routine if it’s possible (are all of these so called rituals healthy?? Not so much but as long as it keeps the thoughts into place he’s fine with it). Has tried out certain fidget toys like those small fidget cubes and has kept them near his bedside table or in his pockets from once in a while.

-> This one is a bit goofy but I can see him being the type to snore so loud the whole house will wake up when he’s drunk and passes out.

-> Also the type to push his body beyond belief and proves the hypothesis that under adrenaline humans are more capable of what we think of. Will rase the bar constantly and earns a lot of admiration for his dedication.

-> Actually really enjoys reading. Mystery, thriller, but also folklore and philosophy books. Could also listen to a few ‘work and grind’ podcasts or audiobooks when he feels his mental health and stress levels are kicking lmao but generally finds comfort in the dark and mysterious. Definitely has studied stoicism at one point in his life but knows that his temper gets the best of him.

-> Listens to ambience music and rain sounds, also uses them to help him fall asleep when insomnia is hitting hard.

-> If he ever catches genuine interest for something its becoming a niche/special interest he’ll be very particular about. Really enjoys learning and doing research until having a good grasp of the topic/skill. This might also be due to him being just a liiiiittle bit competitive.

-> That being said if he’s not doing his job he’s actually the curious type but is just very good at not acting out on impulses. If he feels save he would roam around a store for a while and look at every object, but the military (and life to an extent too) kinda excorcised the ‘child-like’ qualities out of him. If you’re lucky you see them possess this 6’4 man once in a while and he’ll be gone, lost in his thoughts thinking about this and that, observing nick-nacks like a crow that found a shiny silver spoon lol.

-> Deep, deep down is veeeery sentimental. Has no pictures in his apartment except for a box with a few pics of the boys and him underneath his bed. Reminds him of things he deems as important. Would keep one special item of yours at his place that he keeps looking at once in a while.

-> Don’t look at me but I believe this man has a wide knowledge of birds. Is very fond of them. A nerd and not ashamed of it (but no one really knows, except for soap maybe). Used to spend his time watching birds as a child, still enjoys looking at them when he’s out on a mission and has a bit of free time. Is actually comforted by their presence. He’s equally amused by their funny nature, impressed by their intelligence and also very emo about the fact that he was jealous of their ability to be free and go wherever when he was younger.

-> He’s a silent learner. Learns by observing. Especially people. He could notice that you might have some sort underlying communication issue that affects your dynamic and weeks later he comes back from the shadows and is actually tending towards your needs. Things just run smoother now and you wonder why. Will absolutely not change character and personality for you or bend himself in every direction to please someone, but is quiet aware of his own short comings. He also likes to solve problems before things escalate. He might also be a liiittle bit of a control freak.

-> That being said he is very stubborn if he wants to change and work on himself or not. If he’s comfortable sitting in his own misery because it hasn’t negatively effected his life so far why should he? His red flag is thinking that having intimate connections with people can exist without him getting changed by them in the slightest. Commitmophobe tendencies are triggered by the consequences of genuine intimacy.

-> he’s either a Capricorn, Sagittarius or Scorpio change my mind!!!!! (you can’t)

-> Yes, he is indeed a cuddly person!!! I will die on this hill, it only really shows when time and place is appropriate and he will be subtle about it but will start mewling when you hold him and stroke his back gently, intertwine your fingers and make sure to lock your legs around his!!!! Loves becoming a human pretzel with you when he has time to relax fully, but especially when you’re about to go to bed. He’s also a big fan of you laying on top of him, will start holding you or caressing you right away. He does it all the time, absentminded. Reads a book? One hand is in your hair, combing softly through it. You’re waiting in line at the grocery store?? At first you didn’t notice but his hand found yours and now his thumb is tracing circles on your hand. Def very subtle in public but enough to let you taste his sweet affection once in a while.

-> This one is one of my favs but he’s a dude that’s not getting embarrassed. Not only because most things are simply normal but because he doesn’t care. He has to make sure none of his team mates die at work you think he cares about dirty kitchen dishes?????? A pimple?????? A burp or fart?????? You must be joking if you’d think he’d waste his time thinking about these meaningless things when existential dread is all that fills up his mind.

-> Enjoys playing card games. It takes him a while to get warm but he is keen on winning. But almost always looses in the last round coming out second. Enjoys the fact that it’s a team activity the most.

#will i start writing for cod???? maybe #cod #cod headcanons #ghost headcanons #Simon Ghost Riley #Simon Ghost Riley headcanons #ghost x reader #cod x reader #cod modern warfare #cod ghost #cod modern warfare ii #call of duty headcanons #call of duty #cod imagines #ghost imagines

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safety-writes-noms · 2 months

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Ok, so firstly, I absolutely LOVE the dynamic between Callisto and Oliver. Just, Oliver trusting his big bro so much, and Callisto caring and protecting his little bro is just *mwa*.

Second (the actual question, lol), does Callisto ever figure out that he wasn't gonna hurt Oliver when he nomed him? And if he does, does it come up again? Like - does Oliver get in more trouble, and Callistos just like - "agh gotta save my baby bro!!" Nom.

Just overall, any info about them you're willing to give me I would absolutely die for. I love them and their dynamic so fricking much, and the fact that its platonic, tbh just makes it better. So many people focus on the romance part of vore, that I just get so excited when I see something like this!! So so lovely!!!

YES!! While i do think that the romance part of vore is pretty cool i find that there’s not a whole bunch of platonic stuff out there either.

While cal is dealing with the existential dread of knowing the full extent of his inhumanness, he’s also trying to figure out why there’s an increased number of reported attacks. theyre dismissed as bear attacks, crazy accidents, etc, and he’s getting suspicious as to why they’re all getting written off so quickly.

Also, despite promising oliver that he’ll stay, cal still keeps his distance because his instincts start acting up around oli and he has no idea what to make of them. He’s terrified of himself and what he could possibly do to his family.

Ethel comes up with family counseling, which is basically just one on one Cal and Oliver. It’s horribly awkward and it feels weird for both of them because they used to be super close and now neither know what to say.

it takes a while and they try to mend their relationship although there's setbacks and some misunderstandings that need to be cleared up. Callisto also is reluctantly convinced to delve deeper into his not so human parts of himself if only to find out if he's genuinely a threat to his loved ones.

surprise surprise, he manages to find out that 1. he doesn't really want to murder his little brother or his family (yay!) and 2. now that his brain has finally caught up with the rest of his biological instincts, he's slightly more open to exploring the rest of what he can do. slightly. he's not overly enthusiastic but its a start, at least.

meanwhile Oliver is struggling with nightmares and though he knows that Cal really wasn't trying to kill him (he was informed immediately after Cal figured it out) its kinds hard to get rid of the fear. it's weird for him since he desperately wants his brother to stay and he wants to spend time with him like he used to, he just can't get over it and it's so frustrating. he's struggling and while he is getting better slowly, it's still impacting him. his trust has been shaken though. on bad days he can't take being in enclosed, dark spaces and he hates the warmth of his blankets twisted around him at night.

(I got sidetracked sorry :v)

in the future, Cal will become secure enough with his identity to accept the fact that he gets weird urges every now and then and they're not the murderous sort. Oliver gets frustrated with his slow improvement and just decides to confront his fears head on, hoping that it'll just solve the problem all together and just asks Cal to nom him.

Cal is incredibly hesistant, but agrees nonetheless since Oliver says it'll help him. plus his instincts are going nuts in his head and while he has the will to ignore them, he can't deny how content he'd be with finally satisfying them. it goes okay, but a definite improvement from last time and Oliver manages to overcome some of his more irrational fears. still some setbacks but overall, not the worst. they're still improving :)

#extreme cuddling #sfw vore #sw answers asks #Callisto and Oliver #nonsexual vore

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blushedarmybunny · 1 year

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Butterfly Effect || Jeon Jungkook x fem Reader

♡ Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x fem reader

♡ Word count: 10.2k

♡ Genre: Angst (m), different timelines travel, fluff.

♡ summary:

There is Yn who thought that she had her shit together until there’s a dead body in her boyfriend’s basement.

Everything crumbled in a second, but wait…ummm Why she is back when she met Jungkook a year before this happened? Is time travel a real thing?

Oh so we are changing strategies now: let’s be a total b.i.t.c.h, that way Jungkook the serial killer would be as far as possible from yn, right?

Or maybe is this her chance to save the victim before Jungkook can commit that terrible crime?

Yn did not expect to drag herself into the infinite possible timelines that the fabric of the universe has, in between her adventure she might change more lives than her own.

♡ a/n: I’m working hard on part 2 to deliver as soon as possible, the plot is set I just have to write them down, I really hope you enjoy this 2 part story as much I did, for 2023 I have so many projects I can’t wait for you to read them! ilysm💗 also I don’t recommend minors to read this story since it contains adult themes.

read part 2 here

A dead corpse of a young woman laid on the cold floor, the whole room was freezing in fact, so much that Yn hair was blowing around thanks to the strong AC in front of her.

And she froze in the spot, all her blood went to her feet, she felt her heart skipping a few beats while a second after her heartbeats went painfully fast.

All her weight suddenly was too much for her legs that started shaking.

The woman looked young enough to be her age, her throat sliced open the blood pool besides her was no longer bright red, it looked dark enough to be almost brown.

The blueish and purple marks in her arms indicated struggle.

But it was her eyes more than the open wound what would give Yn nightmares for the rest of her life.

Her eyes had this dead stare that made the gore scene even more grim, whoever this woman was she was murdered looking straight to her killer’s eyes while he sliced her throat.

Yn felt like she was going to throw up suddenly, she wasn’t supposed to be here, she just fond this secret door and the curiosity got the best of her.

She was now in front of a crime scene.

Yn’s senses came all at once, her survival instinct screaming at her to get out as soon as possible. So she fought with her nausea and shaking body and made her way out.

She started to think all sorts of things, the questions flood her head like a hurricane.

How long she stood there? Does she look too shock? Could she pretend good enough that she did not find a corpse?

She made her way back blinking and trying to act like she saw nothing, her life depended on it, because as long as she stayed there, she was in as much in danger as the dead woman in the secret room.

“Sweetheart? What is taking you so long?” the voice of her boyfriend Jungkook on the living room made an echo through her entire body.

She had to answer, otherwise it would be too suspicious.

She took a breath and prepare herself hoping her mouth can make a sound

“Coming!” she said with a shaky voice. She did not mean to come out shaky but she couldn’t help it.

Will he notice? Will he come after her too?

The risk was too high, her instinct palpitating in her chest telling her that she must find an escape route.

The kitchen door is fairly near, she could try and sneak herself to the kitchen and scape.

So, she did, soon at the kitchen door she heard him said:

“Yn, baby?” Jungkook’s voice was too near, she needed to go out now.

Yn was running as fast as she could through the streets, people staring at the crazy foreigner. She knew there was a police station nearby, it was the only way!

When she enters the police station she is gasping for air, everyone turned to her concerned.

Everything hits her at that moment so she crumbles, sobbing uncontrollably as the words struggle to come out. She tries to explains herself the better that the tears and sobbing let her, but sentences don’t make quite sense, only the words are the things that can be understood.

Girl. Murder. Basement. Blood. Help.

And in the middle of the tragedy, the door slams open and an equally out of air Jungkook arrives to the scene. He ran the same distance as you but he recovered quite fast without a drop of sweat.

“I’m so sorry, it’s my fault, sir” Jungkook said bowing to the cop, the police man looked at him and then at the exalted foreigner and directed himself to Jungkook.

“What happened?” the police officer asked. Yn felt the need to calm herself down so she can be taken seriously.

“It’s him, officer, he is the killer!” you exclaimed, making both look at you, Jungkook’s eyes were like never before, it was like he had a demon inside very contrasting as the usual sweet and considerate boyfriend that he was.

“I’m deeply sorry, she is sick” Jungkook said to the officer “She didn’t take her medicine in the morning, sir” and then out of his pocket he took out some pills, your eyes widen while you connected the dots. “She has to take 2 of these, otherwise she will start getting violent, sir” he severed putting a concerned façade.

“Liar, you are a liar!” you screamed at him, a few tears running down your face.

“Call an ambulance now” the officer instructed to the secretary. You shook your head.

“Please arrest him, he is a killer!” you exclaimed but by the way he looked at you, you knew that he did not believe you, that you were crazy.

“She needs her pills, sir” Jungkook insisted to the officer.

“Don’t go fucking near me, do you hear me?! Don’t you dare to come closer, sick fuck” you spitted at him, the officer put himself between you two.

“Back off boy, let the doctors take care of this” the officer insisted, you notice the irritated expression in Jungkook’s face.

“Then I’ll wait right here, sir, I can’t leave her by herself” he seated nearby.

Soon the ambulance arrived and the paramedics were all over you, you repeated over and over that you were not sick that you refuse to go anywhere, but they took your arm and forcefully sedated you, the last thing you saw was Jungkook’s getting inside the ambulance.

You woke up feeling groggy and disoriented, a voice calling your name, a voice that you did not recognize.

“Yn-ssi, can you hear me?” as you opened your eyes you looked at your surroundings, it was a hospital, and the man calling your name was the doctor.

“Can you hear me, Yn-ssi?” He asked again, you could only nod with your head. ”Good, I’m Dr. Choi Hyunsuk, you must feel drowsy and soon you will have a strong head ache, but don’t worry we gave you some medic-“ he stopped himself when heard an alarm going off.

“Code 331, Code 331, overdose in emergency room, calling all doctors”

Someone was dying somewhere, so the doctor quickly went to attend the emergency.

you could sense that Jungkook was near and you did not want to stay a second longer but your head ache was making everything worse.

You felt even more drowsy and slow and questioned when the supposed medicine would take effect on you, then suddenly Jungkook made his way to your side, in horror but unable to move or speak you watch closely how Jungkook’s hand put away the hair off your face, his hand soft but cold, his expression look like usual Jungkook, your sweet boy, but now that image was shattered, the scene turned into a horror movie. You started to sweat you mind was everywhere and you simply could not do anything about it.

He put your shoes on, as he made you stand, you were like a zombie following his instructions, and then he took you out of the hospital without anybody’s suspicion.

He called a taxi and put you inside. When the vehicle started moving you started to feel ten times worse, your chest starting to ache, your consciousness starting to slip.

Jungkook turn to you with a confuse look in his eyes, and then everything felt like it was in slow motion.

You blinked a few times, feeling in great peace, while you felt less and less pain and could only feel like you were safe, completely unaware of your surroundings. The hysterical sobs of Jungkook while he pulls you close to his chest, the neurotic screams of the taxi driver doing a risky turn to hospital at great speed, no, you were no aware of all of that, you can only feel good and safe, and soon the irresistible urge of closing your eyes, in a blink of a moment you blissfully disappeared from reality.

…..

And then you woke up.

You woke up in an empty classroom.

The noon hot sunrays showered your face with some warm, a few drops of sweat running down from your temples. You slowly got up and scanned the whole room with your eyes. It was just your collage, and this was the classroom that is always empty so you sneak yourself in sometimes and took naps.

But what you were doing there? The last moments of your memory were blurry but you did vividly remember those whole traumatic events. The corpse, the police station, the hospital…Jungkook.

yn could feel herself dying, that sole memory made her gasp.

If she is not dead how the hell she ended up in this classroom?

Yn got up and walk out of the room going straight to the bathroom to refresh her sweaty face.

Then yn saw herself in the mirror and felt confused immediately.

Why her hair was light brown? She did not bleach her hair in a year. For what is worth, she looked exactly like a year ago, the clothes, the hair style, everything.

She had to sit on the floor since her legs no longer support her when she finally realized what was going on.

Maybe she has gone back in time!

She almost torn her cellphone to pieces taking it out of the purse and looking for the date.

Oh.my.god.

It can certainly sound impossible, it can actually be impossible and she is just hallucinating all of this, but then why everything feels so real?

Is the universe giving her another chance to live? To make better decisions? A year ago she did not met Jungkook yet, is that a signal?

She felt her mind running a thousand miles per hour trying to find logical explanation of what happened to her actually. But eventually she stopped and just accepted the fact that she is just a lucky bitch and an error or a 1 in the millionth possibility happened to her.

Lesson learned! Watch out for killers! Live your live to the fullest! all that jazz.

Yn got up and started doing a happy dance.

Life is amazing, isn’t it?

She felt going for an ice cream as soon as possible, with double, no, triple sprinkles and a goddamn cheesecake on the side!

Yn walked through the halls like nobody could stopped her, she was smiling like an idiot and feeling the excitement bubbling up in her system.

She made her way out of the classroom building and walked through the campus, the summer days made everything better, the weather was amazing. Soon she found herself in the dining hall and bought her well-deserved ice cream.

While she ate her ice cream, she stopped herself in the middle of the campus, she saw a squirrel.

Was she so distracted and busy that she did not notice before the cute squirrels in the trees? Yn felt the need to appreciate the little things in life, so she closed her eyes for a second to hear the birds sing. Oh what a beautiful melody!

But then someone passing by hit her shoulder making her open her eyes immediately and drop her ice cream. Her ice cream was on the ground rapidly melting in the hot summer day she looked at the guilty pair of shoes and as soon as she looked at his face, she felt taken aback.

The worried lost puppy eyes of Jeon Jungkook started at her.

“I’m so sorry” he said fast and bowed, there he was right before you, who would have thought what he was capable off? He looked helpless now but life has given you another chance and you would not fall for it again!

So have to stay as far as you could from Jeon Jungkook if you want a happy and long life.

If that means you have to be a bitch so, be it.

“Better watch where you fucking walk” you told him in a cold tone composing yourself and starting to walk, for a millisecond you saw that expression that he made when he was hurt, but now you could not care any less.

“I..i can buy another ice cream, please let me!” he said walking slightly behind you, why he was following you?

You turned slightly to watch his helpless act once again, you rolled your eyes and said: “Why don’t you piss off already!” you turned and walk away this time he did not followed you. Thank god.

yn was never like this but her survival instinct was far stronger than her politeness.

yn had lived a year in advance, isn’t that wonderful?

She can ace her exams, avoid stupid mistakes, say yes to meeting her mom’s new boyfriend that turns out to be rich!

The possibilities are incredible! The only thing she has to do now is sit and watch, so that’s what is going to do.

……….

A couple days later as walks to her class, in the distance she can’t fail to notice Jungkook walking besides someone, when yn finally recognize the person beside him she has to cover her mouth at the shock.

Jungkook was talking with the girl from the basement.

Her heart dropped knowing what will be the destiny of the girl.

She looked so lively and bubbly, in yn’s mind she contrasted that with her dead corpse, and she almost wanted to throw up.

As soon as they came too close, yn hide behind a nearby building, the guilt started to build up in her chest, she had a second chance but the other girl doesn’t? one thing is for sure, if she doesn’t stop her from associating with Jungkook the girl will be dead.

She has to warn her too!

Maybe the universe sent her here with a mission, she has to save the girl’s life.

Though still terrified yn promised herself to be brave and make the best choice with her second chance in life.

First, she has found out who she is.

That same night after hours of looking around in social media she found her: Min Hajoon.

She did not have too much photos or anything that could help yn to figure out how she was going to approach and make Hajoon trust her.

Yn look at the only photo of Jungkook and Hajoon had together, they were with other people in a restaurant smiling at the camera. That doesn’t give Yn too much clues on how close they actually are.

Suddenly her phone showed her a KakaoTalk notification, the number was not registered but she remembered that it was Jungkook’s.

Xx: Hello, I’m sorry to bother you, I’m Jeon Jungkook. I don’t know if you remember me but I accidentally made you drop your ice cream on the campus.

You scrunched your features and wondered if you should just ignore his texts, but maybe you can take this opportunity to really make him understand that he has to leave you alone once and for all.

You: Oh yes, I do remember you unfortunately, wasn’t I clear when I told you to fuck off?

You: are you retarded or something? lol

Jungkook: I just wanted to clarify that it was just an accident, that’s all.

Jungkook: Wow where is all this aggressivity coming from?

Jungkook: I’m sorry? Like I can buy another ice cream if you are so upset

You: gosh you are so annoying

You: understand this: leave me the fuck alone

Jungkook: is this a foreigner thing?

Yn raised an eyebrow

You: the fuck do you mean by that?

Jungkook: I just don’t understand why are you being so rude with me over an ice cream, doesn’t make any sense

You: because it’s not the fucking ice cream, it’s you, you annoy the hell out of me.

You: and since you clearly don’t understand, I will just simply block you so I don’t have to talk to you ever again

Yn pressed a few buttons and block Jungkook’s number, she had to be extra shitty so he could be put off by her attitude, that’s the only way he can stay away from her.

But the universe really is ironic and seems to like playing with yn in their own way, when the next day Yn enters 20 minutes early to the classroom as it was her routine with this particular class and minutes later a well-dressed and good smelling Jungkook walk towards her, making her flinch instantly, he was holding two iced coffees, when he got to you he put one on your side, and before you could open your mouth to protest he bowed at you.

You almost gasped.

“I’m sorry, Yn-ssi, if I ever offend you, it was not my intention, I hope we can get along well from now on” Jungkook said after bowing and with a firm tone, his big dark eyes staring at yours.

Panic filled your veins, you did not expect or imagined this to happen. How he wasn’t put off by your words? Your attitude? And the most important question: how to react to this confrontation? Like you would look like a crazy bitch if you still hold a grudge, the ice cream was a too weak of a excuse to keep treating him badly, maybe you should go after another strategy, maybe politely rejecting him would work best.

“How do you know my name?” you questioned neutral, which was a real concern for you. You did not recall any circumstance where your name was mention. He lowered his gaze and then said:

“I found your social media, so i…”

“That’s incredibly creepy” you interrupted him, you said it as if you didn’t do the same to find Hajoon, he seemed a little affected by that statement, his eyes started looking other places.

“I didn’t mean to be creepy, I just…”

“And by the way I don’t drink coffee” you interrupted again putting away the coffee from you, he was startled and seemed nervous at your coldness, what else can go wrong? He thought, everything he did you took it the wrong way.

“I did not know that, I’m sorry, maybe I can buy you something else that you might like?” he said again trying to get to yn, but the girl had the same indecipherable expression.

“What about this, Jungkook: we just stop addressing each other existence and that’s it” you said with a monotonous voice his eyes expanded “I can’t be more clear than that” you ended.

He seemed conflicted as he looked at you.

“I just don’t understand, what I did to you that hate me so much!?” he exclaimed frustrated, in that moment some students entered the classroom and looked your way, Jungkook took the coffees and left without saying a word or looking back, you relaxed in your seat, it was hard to be tough with the boy you used to call your boyfriend because he showed you how sweet and considered he can be, it was hard to hurt him but it was the only way you can save yourself.

After class Yn needed to pee, so she quickly went to the washroom, when she came out of the toilet there wasn’t anyone there, except one person: Min Hajoon. The door was locked too, yn felt strange, what was happening?

Hajoon got closer to Yn, but as soon as Yn tries to speak she is silenced by the dry sound of Hajoon palm sweeping her cheek with a quick movement, the burning sensation that came immediately after made Yn put her hand on the reddened area.

“Pay attention to me, whore, stay away from my boyfriend, I’m not afraid to smack your ugly face if you keep getting involved in my relationship with Jungkook, you got it?” Hajoon said with a restless face, she was actually scary, a very different image from the pitiful murder victim that Yn remembered, the memory actually brought tears to her eyes.

“Are you crying?, how pathetic” Hajoon remarked cruelly, you looked at her and spoke sincerely. Her opportunity to warn Hajoon was right there.

“Please you don’t know who you are involved with” you said to her trying to control your tears.

“What did you say, bitch?” she spitted grabbing your hair you squealed out of pain.

“Jungkook is dangerous, Hajoon, he can hurt you, please believe me” you said fighting with the tears and the pain. “He is faking, trying to get close with you, he is capable of very horrible things!” you threw yourself to the ground, trying to beg her to listen “ please you have to believe me, Hajoon, promise me that you would get away from him!”

Hajoon was too overwhelmed to speak properly, why this girl was saying all this to her? Who is that girl? Why seems that the girl knows something that she doesn’t?

“You are truly crazy” Hajoon mumbled before storming out of the washroom. Yn stayed there a few minutes more trying to calm down and hoping Hajoon is spook enough to stay away from Jungkook.

…..

Things only got worse when the next day she was cited at the student administration office. She never had to go there ever before as she was an excellent student and never got in trouble with a professor. So, she was very confused when president of the student administration and counseling Park Chanyeol explained to Yn with a rehearsed polite smile:

“We normally never have situations like these, especially with foreigner students, like ever” Chanyeol said “So I assumed that it must be a misunderstanding of some sort, we try our best to keep things positive around here” he remarked looking at your still confused face, he handed you a document “Like I’m sure it must be extra hard for you studying here in Korea, I have cousins studying abroad and they always tell me it’s not easy” he kept talking in fast speed, you still trying to catch up what he was saying and nodding every few seconds. “Maybe you did offend someone? But like, I’m sure it was totally unintentional, like a complete mistake, you seem like a really nice girl” he kept saying without giving you any chance to reply “do you have a boyfriend by the way?” he asked but before you could reply he started talking again “Don’t think I’m flirting with you, like I’m just asking casually you know?” Chanyeol added giving you a look “I actually have a girlfriend myself, her name it’s Minjun, I was asking if you had a partner so maybe you could go out with us, you know, like a couple date or something?” he laughed shortly before he finally shut up.

“Um… excuse me, what am I here for?” you asked him lost at his ocean of words he just said earlier, he blinked a few times before smiling again and pointing the document at your hands that you completely forgot about in the middle of his speech.

“A student came earlier and put a complain on you, but you know as I mention it’s more likely that it was misunder…” Chanyeol started to say before he was interrupted by you.

“Who was it?” you asked him reading quickly the document “This is not a simple complain this is for bullying and harassment!” you exclaimed shocked.

“Jeon Jungkook, I’m afraid” Chanyeol said, you wanted to rip the document apart as soon as you heard his name “But as I said, I don’t actually belief that we have a case here”

“A case?” you asked raising an eyebrow.

“Well the protocol says…” Chanyeol starts saying “We must review the case in our next assembly and discuss the course of actions dictated in our regulation issued by the University”

“Don’t beat around the bush, what are you going to do with me if you find me guilty?” you said to him firm, he looked the other way trying to avoid confrontation.

“Guilty? Hey c’mon now! This is no criminal trial” he laughed nervously “Look why don’t you talk to Jungkook-ssi ? the misunderstanding can be clear up and it will be like we didn’t have this conversation at all!” Chanyeol insisted still avoiding to look at you.

“What could happen?” you asked again, this time Chanyeol look at you serious, no fake smile on sight, then he sighted.

“The school could expel you” he finally said but he quickly came back to his charismatic persona “Hey, don’t have that look on your face, that’s like the worst of the worst, okay? I’m just obligated to tell you the “penalty” “he said marking with his fingers “like by the book, yeah expulsion, but I’m super duper sure that that would not be your case, okay? Don’t be sad!” he exclaimed fixing his glasses “just talk to Jung…”

“Jungkook, okay, so my best option is to ask him to retire the complaint?” you ask annoyed already.

“Well I’m sure that would resolve this way more quickly, don’t you agree?” Chanyeol suggested, a few seconds later his phone ringed “Alrighty, I really need to take this call, so you can come over anytime if you need anything else, my number is on the back of document, okay?” he didn’t let you answer when he already picked up the call and left the room.

You closed your eyes and screamed internally trying to not lose it in public. How he dared? You were beyond mad at this point, it seemed like the more you tried to push Jungkook away, the circumstances pulled you together once again, it was so frustrating!

You pull your phone out of your purse and look for Jungkook’s number on the list of contacts and unblocked him , but before you could press his name you stopped yourself from calling him, no, this is exactly what he wanted you to do, plus you haven’t really bully him, he was the one harassing you! How he fucking dare?!

You stormed out of the office and started walking towards the dinning hall you needed a strong coffee to calm your nerves.

You sipped the black steaming liquid closing your eyes but a voice interrupted your calm.

“You said you didn’t like coffee” Jungkook’s voice made Yn open her eyes in alarm, once she saw him as handsome as ever, she rolled her eyes when she recognized her own thoughts, though Jungkook perceived that as another micro aggression.

“Whatever, what do you want?” you asked him annoyed, a head ache starting to appear.

“I though that maybe you wanted to talk to me” he suggested sitting right in front of you, both knowing what he was referring to.

“Yeah, you thought wrong” you said to him ruthless, Jungkook raised an eyebrow.

“You keep being stubborn I see” he said with this playful expression “You are risking being expel just to piss me off, that’s dedication” he smiled, that bunny smile that melt your heart so many times before.

“And what was that for? Bullying? Fucking harassment? Boy you have the nerve to accuse me of harassment, simply absurd, c’mon!” you spitted sipping your coffee that was sadly gotten cold, another thing that ruined your day.

“You are always swearing whenever we talk, you are so pretty to do that, you always catch me by surprise, you know?” Jungkook said still with the playful expression on his face, he wanted to tease you.

“Retire the complaint” you demanded; he left out a chuckle.

“No”

“Why?”

“You could ask that more nicely” He looked at you entertained, you wanted to scream at his face that he can fuck off but that would not be so helpful at your situation.

“Can you please, Jungkookie oppa, retire the complaint, that would make me so happy, pretty please?” you scoffed with a whiny tone and putting your hands together, he let out a nervous laugh, you made him nervous, that’s when you remembered that he secretly likes being call oppa and you also used to call him Jungkookie, which he melt in an instant when you did, though unintentional you ignited something in him, he tried to dissimulate the pink tone of his cheeks but you did notice.

“I hate to say no when you ask me like this, but I have to say no” he said after a few seconds.

“Then go away, you keep pestering me” you said annoyed “Whatever you want to blackmail me with, please save your time, I will simply say no”

“I don’t not want to see you expelled, Yn, I really don’t” he said “So I have a proposition for you, let’s know each other better and have a decent conversation, I’ll take you out to eat, we’ll talk, we’ll drink and know more about one another, you will know my true nature and see that even after our rough first encounter we are actually not that different, if after that you don’t want to talk to me again that’s fine” he ended looking directly at your eyes, you sighted.

“And you retire the complaint either way?” you asked him raising an eyebrow

“And I will retire the complaint, you have my word”

“I’ll think about it” you responded he wanted to protest but before he could speak you said “I’ll text you, okay?” you stood up from the table and left him there, Jungkook blinked a few times watching you leave the dining hall as fast as your feet let you.

……………….

You: Are you available? It’s Yn from earlier.

You texted Chanyeol the student administration president, he texted back in seconds

Chanyeol: not right now, maybe for dinner time?

Chanyeol: so much woooork, right?

You: works for me

Chanyeol: so I pick you up then?

Chanyeol: u like jajangmyeon?

You: you mean off campus?

You: yeah sure.

Chanyeol: yeah I go all the time

Chanyeol: great, pass me your direction and I see ya later 😉

While you both ate, at the restaurant he truly did not know when to stop talking, when Chanyeol was not slurping his noodles, he was serving you and him more soju or he was talking, he wasn’t worried about you replaying he was more than fine with the fact that you were there to listen all his crap.

“Okay, listen” you said interrupting him if you didn’t say what you came to say you would end up drunk and too sleepy to remember the purpose of this dinner “I wanted to talk with you because of the whole bullying accusation bullshit” Chanyeol nodded while filling his and your glass with more alcohol.

“To be honest I don’t even really know the guy, I had maybe two real interactions that lasted less than 5 minutes, that doesn’t disprove his accusations towards me?” you asked drinking the glass that Chanyeol served you, the alcohol already making effect on your body.

“Well it’s not that simple, you know, we have to follow the protocols” Chanyeol added drinking his.

“Fuck the protocols, doesn’t this type of shit make the school look bad? The less bullying accusations the better?” you replied trying to convince him, he shook his head smiling.

“That’s not how it works, honey” he said to you, you wanted to call him out for calling you honey, but you needed him on your side.

“You said that I was a good girl” good girl? why did you said that? Maybe you drank too much and started speaking nonsense, Chanyeol smiled at you.

“You are a good girl, honey, I know you are but I can’t just ignore a complaint, I’ll vouch for you in the assembly, okay?” Chanyeol said almost pouting, you wanted to roll your eyes, that won’t do.

“Why can’t you say to that idiot that the assembly already did all that and that I’m innocent? Will somebody really notice?” you suggested almost whining, how much it would take to convince this dude.

“That means making some documents up, I could get in trouble” Chanyeol pressured

“Oh c’mon, what else I can do, can you just do me a favor? I can’t reason with Jeon Jungkook he is totally psycho” you told him whining some more.

“What can you do to convince me? Maybe you could worth the trouble if you are persuasive enough” Chanyeol said suggestively and you suddenly encounter yourself into a corner.

Help.help.help

Hell you were able to do a lot of things to get yourself out of trouble, but you didn’t think sleeping with Chanyeol the president of the student administration, worth it.

Then as if the guardian angels existed, your phone ringed, unfortunately it was Jungkook.

“Look Chanyeol oppa, he is the one harassing me!” you whined to him trying to desperately convince him.

You accepted the call.

“Why are you calling me?” you tried to control yourself but your voice sounded drunk.

“Where are you? Are you drunk?” Jungkook asked on the other side, if you weren’t drunk enough you could say he was even worried.

“You know, you call me on a damn good time, I’m trying to fix this mess you brought me into” you say to him in a demanding way.

“What does that even mean? Listen Yn I will pick you up wherever you are, pass me your location” Jungkook said to you serious.

“It means I’m here with Chanyeol oppa, say hi oppa” you instructed Chanyeol that was laughing besides you drunk as well, he took the phone and said:

“You are so messed up dude, Yn is a very good girl, right?”

“Yeah” you said in the background

“How can you lie about her, dude? She is so pretty, aren’t you?” Chanyeol was chuckling between words and pass you the phone again.

“You heard him, he believes me so your damn blackmail did not work on me” you said to Jungkook in a defiant way you could hear him sighting loudly.

“You are so stupid, just let me pick you up, you are clearly intoxicated” Jungkook sounded disappointed.

“No, fuck off I can take care of myself” you said on the other line.

“At least let me call you a taxi, please” he begged but you hung up your phone.

When you ended the call, you saw the sleeping figure of Chanyeol reclined in the restaurant chair, you thank the heavens and called a taxi for the both of you, after leaving him, you went to bed at your own apartment trying to think of a new way to get out of the situation but it really seemed like there was no other way than accepting Jungkook’s deal.

…..

The next day defeated you had no option but to text Jungkook, he sent you lost of messages last night but you ignore them off course, with an uninterested charm you started typing:

You: let’s go out tonight, you know what I mean

He typed a response seconds after

Jungkook: Gosh I was considering visit you at your class, why you didn’t text me back?

You: I don’t really have to

Jungkook: I can’t believe you hang up the call

Jungkook: You shouldn’t drink if don’t know how to control yourself

You: I will let pass your last comment because I want to be nice today

You: so, are you free tonight or not?

Jungkook: alright

Jungkook: be ready at 8

You really did not want to make an effort, but after all you knew who Jungkook was and if you did not take it as serious as him, he will find a loophole to keep contact with you and did not want that.

You did not actually know what you want.

Since the crazy all over again situation happened to you, you haven’t really stopped for a second to really think what is going on, what is really happening.

Did the universe actually give you a second chance to make things right? It actually felt like your old life was a complete hallucination. You doubted every day if doing all this actually serves a purpose.

But if you had to summarize all your questions and doubts into one it would be: why?

Why Jungkook killed Hajoon in the first place?

Why didn’t you notice in your old life that he was capable of killing?

Why the Jungkook in this new life seems so uncapable of killing or doing harm?

Why you have to live all of this again?

It was a lot of questions that pile up in the back of your mind and didn’t leave you alone, you had avoided making any friends, you had avoided going out at all.

You felt alone.

That made you actually wonder if it was really a bad thing that the school expel you, that would be a valid reason to pack your things and go home and start all over again, but at least you would have your mom and friends.

If you remembered correctly Jungkook lost his mom when he was a kid, maybe that is one of the signals you did not pick up about him, he never talked about his father either which you did no press him any further assuming that they might had fought. He wasn’t close with his family but he did seem normal. He approached you like a gentleman, ask for your number and started dating you, he had friends, well one actually, but they looked like they appreciate each other a lot, then it doesn’t make any sense why he would become so violent. Maybe he is just capable of such violence.

You received his text which took you out of your thoughts.

Whoever Jungkook really was, you need to cut ties and if this was truly the last chance you had to close this chapter of your life then you would not fuck it up.

Soon enough you two where dining at this restaurant, he made sure to look good tonight. Jungkook was wearing all black but the tight pants with the loose button shirt made him look dressed up but casual at the same time, you did recognize the outfit though. He was wearing it on your first date when you two were together in your past life.

Mixed feeling made a knot on your chest, you maybe had to calm down a bit with anesthesia in form of a bottle.

You served yourself some soju but before you could ingest it Jungkook stopped you.

“Calm down a bit, they haven’t brought us the food yet”

“That is exactly what I’m trying to do” you said trying once again to drink the liquor but Jungkook soft hand did not let you, you sighted.

“Please, it’s not about getting drunk” he insisted.

“You are so boring” you said letting off the glass in the table. Jungkook look down for a second, you had hurt his feelings, in another life you would have apologized and kiss his pouty lips, but you have to be tough in this one.

“I still haven’t figuring you out yet” Jungkook said to you “You hating me for no reason, I don’t believe it for a second” he pointed out analyzing your features “Something inside me fights for still convince you, still not sure of what, but I can’t give up, isn’t that crazy?”

You look at him for the first time without an annoyed look on your face.

“You look so pretty tonight” he said serious “So pretty” he remarked.

“Hey only Chanyeol can call me that” you bring out that idiot to dissipate the atmosphere, he knew what he was doing after all it has worked in the past, and if keep doing that it might work again.

Jungkook annoyance was too obvious.

“How could you go out with him? He has a reputation, you know? Did he try something stupid with you?” Jungkook demanded, he looked mad, but no the normal mad that you were accustomed to, the shine of evil that you saw that day reflected in his dark pupils for a second before disappearing, that made you swallow some saliva.

“I was joking, he as drunk as I was, I left him home, he needed help to even walk, if someone was getting advantage, I could have been the one” you said remembering Chanyeol state, Jungkook opened his eyes at your statement.

“Yn…”

“But of course, I did not, besides Chanyeol it’s not my type at all” you teased.

“And what is your type?” Jungkook asked, his lips parted with a daring gaze.

“I will not tell you, but you aren’t either” and you were not lying Jungkook wasn’t your usual type but he had something about him, that drives you completely crazy.

“Besides you have a fucking girlfriend, don’t you?” you accuse him, his expression turned confused, before he could refute you the waitress came with your food, she left soon enough. “Mmm smells so good” you said looking at the tasty dishes before you.

“Where did you get the idea that I have a girlfriend?” Jungkook asked ignoring your attempt to change the subject “It’s that why you are so cold with me?”

“So you have the balls to hide your girlfriend from me? Men! They never change!” you exclaimed with a sarcastic tone and already digging in some meat. Jungkook on the other hand hasn’t even pick up his chopsticks, he shook his head laughing with irony and served himself some soju, after he drank the shot he scrunched up his features at the burning sensation in his throat.

“What did Hajoon say to you?” Jungkook asked finally eating some food, you served two shoots of soju Jungkook took one glass and both of you drank.

“Who is Hajoon?” you asked lying blatantly “I was testing you, but it turns out that you actually have a girlfriend, ha!” you remarked, Jungkook big dark eyes opened.

“I.. umm” Jungkook started to say.

“Shut up, I don’t want to hear it” you interrupted him “like I’m not even surprised”

“I want to be honest with you, Hajoon does want something with me, okay? But we were never nothing. She was never my girlfriend” Jungkook confessed eating another piece of meat.

You raised an eyebrow. Then why did you kill her? You wanted to ask but of course you didn’t say anything.

“This is a lame conversation” you said to him.

“It is” he agreed surprising you “And I don’t care about your efforts I will not give up my chance tonight I will make you like me”

“You have too much high expectations” you added stuffing your face with noodles.

“Don’t eat too much we have another stop after dinner” he said to you making you look at him surprised, he smiled at you and said “And just to let you know, if I had the privilege to date you, I would be exclusive of course”

You pretended not pay attention to the last sentence, in your mind wondering about where he wanted to take you.

The taxi left the two of you in a children park, people were having a pleasant time, there were almost not kids around, only couples or loners that were looking at the moon and the stars that evening. Then a weird sensation in your body made you almost flinch but Jungkook took it as if you were cold.

“Oh I’m sorry, Yn I don’t have my coat here” Jungkook said “Let me hold you closer” Jungkook pull you to his arms, you were having so much mixed feelings that you did not protest or resist his touch.

“Why did you brought me here, Jungkook?” you questioned, you could not see his face you could only hear his voice.

“This a kinda personal place for me, if we become close one day I’ll tell you the full story okay?” he said with an incredibly smooth voice, you did not responded and without saying a word you walked in silence admiring the flowers and the moonshine.

Then a statue caught your attention, a butterfly statue.

You remembered once when you were little, a park had a butterfly statue just like this one, but that was a weird day, a little boy lost his mom and he was scared, he did not let go of your hand.

……………………………….

The past.

The children’s squeals and the cracking sounds of the swings of the kid’s park filled the ambiance while the summer breeze blew Yn’s hair. the little girl was barely grasping her mother’s hand, everything was unnatural to her, even thought it was a children’s park and she was a little girl the fact that she was in this foreign country made the most simple things incredibly new and even scary.

Yn’s mom promise her that they would have so much fun in Korea while they were on holiday, just like their vacation in Thailand and Japan though she doesn’t remember much of those. Her mom made sure she could understand some of the language which she spoke fluently, but still it was too different from home that she did not dare to leave her mom side for too long.

So there she was, not being able to play with the other kids because it was scary, but she wanted to make her mom happy so for the first time in days she let go of her hand and went her way.

Walking through the park she stopped her tracks, she heard someone behind a bush, not a dangerous stranger rather it sounded like a kid was crying.

She went closer and found a little boy just like her, his big doe watery eyes stared at her immediately, a few tears running down his still red face.

“Don’t cry!” yn said in his language, she remembered she asked her mom what did it meant what the old ladies said to her when she was crying in the restaurant.

He looked at her again not sobbing anymore but unable to stop the tears, yn felt pity for him and wondered why he was in the park alone without his mom. Yn felt the need to help him, maybe her mom can call his or something.

“Come!” she ordered him with gesture of her hands, the boy still not said a word but he stood up without moving, without more vocabulary to instruct him, yn simply took his hand and pull him so he followed her.

The boy did grab her hand tightly and followed her, when they arrived to her mom, she looked at them with a smile that dropped as soon as she saw the red bloated eyes of the little boy.

“What’s wrong with your friend, sweetie?” she asked yn.

“I don’t know, I think he lost her mom but I don’t know how to ask him” yn said worried, her mom started to ask the little boy questions that she did not understand quite well, the boy did not let go of her hand.

“His name is Jungkook” her mother suddenly said to her “He doesn’t remember her mother’s phone number, why don’t you introduce yourself like I taught you” she suggested, the nerves attacked yn again but she had to be a big girl today.

“My name is yn” she said remembering how to introduce herself in Korean.

“I am Jeon Jungkook” he responded not crying anymore.

“Honey I am going to ask around to see if his mother is near, ok?” her mom said to her “Meanwhile why don’t you go play and buy ice cream, huh? that could make Jungkook less scared don’t you think?” her mom handed her some cash and put away some hairs of her face, yn nodded.

Her mom said something to Jungkook and then walked away, Jungkook pulled her hand and she followed him, then she playfully pushed him and then ran away, Jungkook got the hint and ran her way until he got to her and push her playfully making her laugh, now he ran as fast as he could but she got to him. They stopped when the saw an old lady with a cart, all the children were forming a line so yn assumed that she must be selling delicious ice cream.

Yn looked at Jungkook, he gave her a little smile. They both were sitting on the bench drinking yogurt, it turned out that the old lady was not selling ice cream, but the yogurt was tasty. The bench was just in front of this particular statue, the sculpture was of a butterfly spreading its wings, yn found it beautiful.

Yn put the change in her pockets put her keychain fell out, Jungkook grabbed it and extended to her, yn felt the need to gift her keychain to Jungkook, the poor boy lost his mom so he must be really sad.

She shook her head and made a gesture to him to keep it, Jungkook looked at her with a smile and hug her, she hugged him back then she took his hand and made their way back to her mom that was calling for them.

While they were walking towards her mom yn notice someone.

It was a woman, a weeping woman hidden behind a tree nearby. The way that she looked at them made the unaware little girl sense that something was up, but she said nothing to Jungkook or her mom, a minute past and she did not realize until a man suddenly grabbed Jungkook’s arm.

The man did not have a good aspect, he had this serious expression in his face, a 3 day beard, messy hair and he smelled like tobacco.

Jungkook smiled went away immediately, yn turned around looking for the woman hiding behind the tree but she was gone.

Her mom looked serious while talking to the man, he had a deep raspy voice, they seemed to say goodbye and the next second the man was pulling Jungkook away from yn, Jungkook held her hand tight for a few seconds until this man pull him away, then they walk out Jungkook looking at her at every chance he had.

“Is him his dad?” Yn asked her mom confused.

“Yes, he is Jungkook’s father” She also followed them with her sight until she could not see them anymore ”Are you hungry, sweetie? Let’s go grab lunch” her mother said to her taking her hand and leaving the park.

……………………………………………………………..

“This is crazy, but I think I’d been here before” you mentioned, Jungkook stopped walking as you said that. “I came here when I was a child”

“What?” Jungkook mumbled almost to himself.

“Yes, that’s the statue” you turned to take a better look of it but Jungkook’s arm did not let you go so you both turned. “Whoah so crazy like a deja vu” you exclaimed.

“I think a boy lost his mom that day, I did not know a word of Korean back then, but I tried my best to comfort him, I remember that it was in this very same park!” you were excited at the coincidence that you did no notice Jungkook’s watery eyes and how wiped away a few tears from his face, so you were surprised when he hugged you all of the sudden, you were kinda stiff at the beginning but soon enough you hugged him back.

“What if I tell you that I’m that boy, the boy that was so scared that hid behind the bush? That felt safe while holding that little girl hand?” Jungkook said while hugging you even tighter, you came to realization of him being the little boy that lost his mom that day.

“oh my god” you could only say, all this time seemed like destiny crossed your paths on purpose since you two were little till now. Your lives changed so much, you wondered sometimes what could have been of that lost boy, and now realizing that it was Jungkook all this time made you a little emotional.

You broke the hug to look at his eyes, they were shiny and, his lips curved into a smile.

“It is you” he said still smiling.

“Jungkook this is actually crazy” you manage to say “I don’t know what to say”

“We don’t have to say much” Jungkook replied putting his hands on your face and caressing your cheeks with his fingers.

“I wondered so many times about you” you confessed to him feeling the urge to close the distance.

“So did I” Jungkook said softly “I still have the keychain, but I’m always afraid to lose it so I keep it in my room”

“Really?” you asked almost in a whisper; he bitted his lips.

“Yn, I’m going to kiss you right now, I can’t hold back no more” he said before taking your lips into his, there was nothing aggressive about it, it was just neediness and passion, you hold his face between your hands deepening the kiss.

Jungkook hasn’t committed any crime yet.

You can guide him to be a better person and to get help for him if he needs it.

Maybe the universe message it’s that love wins at the end.

“Yn, I’m yours” Jungkook said between kisses. You melted at his words.

“I was such a bitch to you, I’m sorry” you said to Jungkook feeling the tears stinging your eyes.

“I forgive you” Jungkook murmuring giving you some pecks “I will always forgive you”

“Why don’t we celebrate?” you suggested to Jungkook “Is there a bar near here? I want to catch up with your life!”

“oh I don’t want to ruin the night, love” Jungkook said giving you one more kiss “my past is not something pleasant to talk about”

“it can’t be all bad, besides I want to know! Please” you pleaded with your eyes “And if you don’t want to tell me everything tonight then let just enjoy ourselves”

Jungkook smiled fondly

“Alright, I know a place”

You drank all night, kissing in-between, Jungkook did not say much about his past but he let you know that his mother passed away, but you already knew that. You told him about your life back home, how your mom was doing nowadays, that you felt a little lonely in Korea.

“You will never feel alone again, love” Jungkook mentioned kissing you again.

“What about you? You don’t seem to be close with the family you have left” you asked him, trying to get a little more information about his past.

He was taken back at your question, his whole demeanor turned anxious.

“Well it’s really not a nice story…” Jungkook said serious, you came closer to him and put your arm around his waist.

“It’s okay, I shouldn’t have asked” you replied trying to be tactful, Jungkook turned around to look at your eyes.

“…But I trust you enough” he sentenced “You remember that day when we were kids and I got lost? You know my father found me and I returned home with him” Jungkook told you holding his breath, you knew it was difficult topic and wondered why you even brought that up, maybe it was too soon to talk about it either way Jungkook continued “I actually ran away with my mom that day” he confessed and heavily exhaled “but he found me”

“That sounds like he wasn’t very good to you” you added passing your hands back and forth through his back in a soft motion.

“He was not” Jungkook simply said without giving much details “He was actually a monster”

“Oh my god” you exclaimed now feeling guilty, the woman behind the tree that day must has been Jungkook’s mom! And she arrived first but no one saw her except you. What could have been of Jungkook’s life? It was your fault, you felt the burning in eyes, tears wanting to come out but you hold them in to not worry Jungkook.

“And that day when he found me after running away he…” Jungkook had to stop himself for a moment “…took it on me” you closed your eyes recognizing how much Jungkook has suffered.

“But later when my mom came back home…He…” Jungkook made a disgusted gesture, he felt repulsed at the memories.

“Jungkook, we don’t have to talk about this if you are not comfortable” you reminded him with a gentle tone, he shook his head.

“Someone needs to know, I need some one to know” he exclaimed fully determined.

“To know what?” you asked him

“My mother did not just pass away, Yn” Jungkook confessed “That bastard kill her” you gasped loudly covering your mouth with your hand.

His father was a killer, so was Jungkook.

It was the cycle of violence bond to repeat itself.

Again in the hole without being able to escape.

Everything in Yn’s mind turned black and white. An animal survival instinct started again palpitating in her chest, fear infected her blood.

“Oh Jungkook” you could only whisper before pulling him for a hug trying to dissimulate your body shaking.

“He is not part of my life anymore, he doesn’t exist” he also said in a whisper “But I feel disgusted every time I have to pretend my mother just died and that he had nothing to do with it” the subtle rage in his tone chilled your bones

“It’s over, Jungkook, it’s over” you comforted him a few more seconds before pulling away from the hug.

Now you were stuck again, just when felt that you could give a second chance the change of events has led you right in the biggening.

Jungkook was doomed, you couldn’t explained but you just know it. And you would be doomed too if you stayed around too long.

Now it was time to make a new plan, no to gig yourself deeper in a highly codependent relationship.

You let another hour go by drowning yourself in more alcohol until you felt tipsy, then you turned to Jungkook with a tired expression:

“umm Jungkook I’m feeling a little sleepy right now” you told him yawning.

“it’s okay, let’s go to my house” Jungkook said, you could not mention this to him, but going to his house again was too soon, you needed to erase the memories of blood first.

You needed to decline but also be lowkey about it.

“isn’t a motel nearer?” you asked him

“A motel?” he asked you again.

It wasn’t ideal but you still could not let Jungkook suggest to take you home, so a motel it is.

“Yeah” you murmured “I just really want to sleep” emphasizing the last word, he nodded and took your hand guiding you.

You both left the bar, and maybe was the alcohol in your system but as soon as you realized you two were alone in a room.

The typical motel setting, nothing fancy, you were not able to catch much details the only thing that really caught your attention was the humid smell.

You did not think twice and went straight to the bed, Jungkook watching your every step, his expectations did not go to far as he saw you close your eyes and fell asleep not much later.

He shook his head smiling, and took off your heels. He did the same with his shoes and laid besides you closing his eyes and embracing Morpheus.

After a while Yn woke up, the moonshine reflecting in Jungkook features, he was so peaceful when he was asleep. In that moment Yn wished to erase the wicked memory of that look in his eyes when they were at the police station.

That was a completely different person, that was not this angelic being resting besides her.

Yn felt a painful sharp pain in her chest, feeling like she was saying a proper goodbye to the boy that she loved.

She needed to leave before the sun comes out and Jungkook starts being so lovely and more difficult to reject.

So yn looked out for her heels scattered across the room, and put them on without losing sight of Jungkook sleeping figure.

But as soon as Yn left the room, she encountered herself in the middle of a storm.

A man was holding a gun on the head of a weeping woman.

His eyes dark and shiny with no sense of any human qualities, very animalistic.

The woman with barely clothes on her body, face turned into a torrid mishmash of makeup, tears and blood.

Your own pulse started to accelerate.

there was no warning when the man just shot his gun.

The woman screamed in horror when she saw you lying on the ground in a puddle of blood.

You felt no pain.

The consciousness again slipping away from you.

The cold and the nothing carried you for a few instants until you did not remember your name anymore.

End of part 1

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