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misscammiedawn · 1 month

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Time Loops and Dissociation

CW: suicidal ideation, glitchy unreality, overt depictions of self-harm, parental abandonment

This essay contains full game spoilers for In Stars and Time.

You wake up to your alarm at the same time every day. The same view greets you from your window. Same sheets. Same outfits in your closet to get dressed in. Same choice of drinks in your kitchen to put in the same choice of cups. Same 24 hours but a different day. What better way to capture the existential horror of disconnecting from the world than to simply take away the words "but a different day" and make it the same 24 hours.

Time Loop fiction likes to capture the monotony of being caught in a rut. For some stories, like Groundhog Day, the rut could be that of not working on one’s self and accepting the eternal trappings of a never ending moment and not seeking change. For others, like Palm Springs, it is the conflict within a romantic relationship between one partner wishing to grow and find new experience while another wishes to remain in the safety of the known. Others still, like All You Need Is Kill, the conflict is a matter of maintaining one's optimism and drive in a hopeless fight against an antagonistic force that will crush their spirit upon the weight of eternity.

The constants in this genre are the forces of change and stagnation. Exit can be accomplished via self-improvement, it can be accomplished by having the bravery to risk leaving safety, it can be accomplished by killing every last time looping alien until you’re the only one left. But the allegories are always there. Tomorrow can only be attained by growing beyond Today. Change doesn’t happen in a day and as those stuck in a time loop know… a day can be an impossibly long time. And what does a person do during that impossibly long time? Repeating the same acts over and over again, where people become predictable and all the complexity of life has been stripped down until there’s nothing but cold empty and predictable monotony? You dissociate.

Dissociating is the experience of detaching from reality. Dissociation encompasses the feeling of daydreaming or being intensely focused, as well as the distressing experience of being disconnected from reality. In this state, consciousness, identity, memory, and perception are no longer naturally integrated. Dissociation often occurs as a result of stress or trauma, and it may be indicative of a dissociative disorder or other mental health condition.(*)

Every time loop story inevitably includes a segment where the pain of going around and around becomes simply too much to handle and the audience must witness the protagonist's mental health decline in real time. It is the moment in the story when they no longer feel able to connect with other humans, when they disconnect and just succumb to the weight of the eternity that they are trapped within. For most the idea of being stuck in a rut is a horrific thing. People are a social species. We seek connection and we seek change. We actively want to grow. But this is not true for everyone. Some are so scared and scarred by the world that they dare not ruin the safety that they have managed to find. Narrowing one's world down to avoid conflict and danger is a common feature in Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, particularly in those with a tendency to freeze in the face of their emotional triggers.

The flight-freeze type avoids potential relationship-retraumatization with an obsessivecompulsive/dissociative “two-step.” Step one is working to complete exhaustion. Step two is collapsing into extreme “veging out”, and waiting until [their] energy reaccumulates enough to relaunch into step one. The price for this type of no-longer-necessary safety is a severely narrowed existence. - (Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving - Pete Walker)

And that is the heart of any time loop. Safety at the price of a narrow existence.

For this essay I want to talk about a piece of media that masterfully manages the time loop dilemma while managing to depict a remarkably strong representation of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Today I want to talk about In Stars and Time. Because if I'm gonna highlight a time loop story for my essays on dissociative disorders then I'm going to do the one which has a "Press X to dissociate" mechanic.

In Stars and Time is an RPG Maker game in the stylings of Earthbound and Final Fantasy. The star of the play game is Siffrin (he/they), a silly little one who tells light-hearted puns and has their tongue stuck out in a :3 cat face smile.

As the thief type of the party he leads the group through dungeons to deactivate traps and find keys he can sometimes be bad at his job. They have managed to help the team get to the final dungeon and take on The King who has managed to freeze most of the nation of Vaugarde in time. Their adventuring friends are Mirabelle (she/her), the housemaiden; Isabeau (he/him), the fighter; Odile (she/her), the researcher; and Bonnie (they/them), the kid. Siffrin finds themselves trapped within a time loop. Reliving the same 2 day period as the party make their approach to The King and must defeat him to release Vaugarde from being eternally frozen in time. The game speaks frankly and kindly on many topics beyond mental health and trauma. Among the many rare and beautiful things it organically depicts it has an asexual and an aromantic discussing society's pressure to enter relationships and perform intimate acts, a trans masc discussing the destructive and yet necessary process of transitioning and two expats discussing how difficult it is to integrate their cultural roots (or lack thereof) with the values and expectations of the dominant culture of their new environment. Keep that last one in your back pocket for now. It'll be important for later. This is the last chance to check the game out unspoiled and so if anything I have said intrigues enough then please buy the game (Steam - Switch - Playstation 4 - Playstation 5 - GOG - Itch.io) and enjoy it. The game is about 20 hours at a casual pace (WR speedrun is 2.5 hours) and it has much in the way of hidden conversations and content that can help a person stick around and dig deep to find all the content in the game (but watch out). Go with my blessing and check DoesTheDogDie for content warnings if needed. For those who have played or want to read on into spoiler territory, then please forgive my long-windedness. I've too much time on my hands and have not cultivated the skills or talent to present this as a video for passive enjoyment. Let's begin. The game is split into 6 acts so in the interests of not bombarding with information. Shall we follow suit?

Act 1 - The Stage

The curtain rises and the play begins. Act 1 makes up the first loop from Siffrin's perspective. If not for the time loops then this would be a very short adventure. Siffrin wakes up from a nap in a field as they will every single loop from now on. They are in the final town before the enemy stronghold, one final day to rest and gather their strength and resolve to save the country. The group's leader, Mirabelle, has decided to have a sleepover. One final day, one final dungeon, one final fight... and then it's all over. The world will finally be saved. It'll all be over... Siffrin spends the day speaking to their friends, making a wish on the local Favor Tree to spend time with an ally after the adventure and then it's on to the adventure. Isabeau has something he wants to tell Siffrin but decides it can wait until they have saved the world. Entering the house and moving through the first few rooms all seems to be going well. The party of friends beat their first few enemies and Siffrin is sent to check for traps in a corridor leading into the main areas of the house. He checks and checks and checks and doesn't find anything so...

The trap is activated by feeling safe.

For clarity I wish to say much of the analysis and discussion is our personal read of the plot. Before writing this essay we reached out to insertdisc5 to ask about how they approached depicting mental illness in the game and they responded that it was not a matter of research as she was worried about checking off boxes rather than depicting authentic experience. Which makes it all the more impressive that the game was able to depict so many aspects of Complex PTSD so seamlessly. From Walker's book the primary symptoms of CPTSD are:

Emotional Flashbacks Tyrannical Inner &/or Outer Critic Toxic Shame Self-Abandonment Social anxiety Abject feelings of loneliness and abandonment Fragile Self-esteem Attachment disorder Developmental Arrests Relationship difficulties Radical mood vacillations Dissociation via distracting activities or mental processes Hair-triggered fight/flight response Oversensitivity to stressful situations Suicidal Ideation

Over the course of the game Siffrin displays many, if not all of these. One of the core conflicts of the game is Siffrin's feelings of loneliness and abandonment as well as their inner critic and toxic shame.

Another common trait of those with C-PTSD not referenced in the above list is a sensitive startle reflex. It is mentioned in the same book at a later point, however:

A startle response is the sudden full body-flinching that survivors experience at loud noises or unanticipated physical contact. This is usually a somatic flashback to previous abuses.

I bring this all up now because Siffrin's first death. The cause of the first loop. HIS FIRST FAILURE. Was because he let his guard down. He felt safe for even a moment. This is not a reading or something which can be brought up for debate. On floor two of the house there is a book that explains the traps and speaks of the boulder that landed on Siffrin's head earlier:

Throughout the entire adventure Siffrin will have the toxic and universe validated belief that if they ever drop their guard, even for a single moment they may die. This belief will only get worse as they progress, unfortunately. For those with Complex PTSD they walk through life in a state of hyper-vigilance. Never quite feeling safe. Siffrin died the moment he let his guard down. [Dawn here. This is turning out to be the longest Media, Myself and I article by a wide margin. For the sake of not destroying everyone's timelines I'll put the rest of the game under a readmore. I would so very much love it if you did click on, though.]

Act 2 - The Performance

The curtain rises and the play begins. Again. Much of Act 2 is spent trying to get to The King and defeat him. Mistakes such as forgetting a key on an earlier floor or taking a wrong path will cause Siffrin to need to loop back. All the while inwardly berating themselves for their carelessness, knowing that in a world without the time loops they would have been trapped and unable to challenge The King at all. We are also introduced to Loop, a star who watches over Siffrin during his journey. Loop is in the time loop with Siffrin and can follow his progress, offer advice and comment on everything. Loop is a little disaffected and likes to play things silly and coy and can be a little mean at times. But they say they're here to help Siffrin. As the adventuring friends climb to the final boss we get to see Siffrin's rapport with the party. Siffrin likes to stay on the sidelines and listen in to other people having animated conversation. Everyone is nervous to touch him having universally come to an understanding that Siffrin does not like to be touched. They make fun of Siffrin's poor memory (another common trait of those with dissociative disorders that we will talk about more in time) and they treat one another warmly. However during a bit of banter in a snack break...

(source: ISAT Script Project) Note that Siffrin internalizes the comment "we're not friends." instantly. From this point of the game until a latter moment all times that Siffrin's monologue refers to his party the word "friends" is replaced with "allies". They are so sensitive to abandonment and rejection that the they simply accept Odile's words, not even aimed at Siffrin themselves and internalizes them deep enough that the HUD of the game itself changes to accommodate this belief. It was mentioned at the start that Siffrin is a silly traveler who enjoys puns and makes light of most situations. In battles the game uses a Rock, Paper, Scissors weapon triangle and all of Siffrin's attack names are puns. In the profile menu he sticks his tongue out. His battle image is a playfully confident smirk.

During the game we always have access to Siffrin's inner monologue and can tell how they interpret the world around them but they seldom ever voice their opinions. This allows us to see how often they are convincingly laughing on the outside while hurting on the inside. Siffrin, unable and unwilling to approach their shame and self-loathing and terrified of becoming a burden to their friends allies will deflect whenever he sense that they are hurting.

A person (or dissociative part) may avoid being aware of inner experiences such as feelings or thoughts that might evoke shame. Thus, he or she is not aware of the experience of shame, typically does not acknowledge the negative experience of self, engages in denial, and attempts to distract self and others away from the painful feeling. For example, a person who felt ashamed in therapy might start making jokes or flippantly comment that the session is boring or useless, or he or she might try to change the subject entirely or even switch to another part that has a different agenda. The experience becomes neutral or positive; shame may be disowned or denied, or overridden with joy or excitement in distracting activities (joking around, talking about something else). There is little to no awareness of shame or one’s shameful actions, faults, or characteristics. The motivation is to minimize the conscious experience of shame or to prove that one does not feel shame. - (Coping With Trauma Related Dissociation - Suzette Boon, Kathy Steele, Onno van der Hart)

The other key thing we have come to learn about how others perceive Siffrin is their memory issues. Memory issues are a constant part of dissociative disorders with a lack of childhood memories being a key feature in Complex Dissociative Disorders such as Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder and Dissociative Identity Disorder. If I am being honest about my motivations for writing this essay, while playing it I keyed in on the lack of memories early and assumed it to be an allegory for such trauma. Even made a Tumblr post stating this. On the top floor of the house of change in a secret room and only during Act 2 there is a bit of dialogue where Siffrin speaks about their childhood.

This was the moment we knew we needed to write about this game. What is missing from the text above is that when Siffrin stammers on their words there is a time loop effect. The first one in the game that is activated by something other than a death or the natural end of the loop. Siffrin edits out this conversation so that not even he can remember it.

Amnesia goes far beyond normal forgetfulness. It involves serious memory problems that are not caused by illness or extreme fatigue, by alcohol or other mind-altering substances, or normal forgetting. Amnesia falls on a continuum. People with a dissociative disorder may recall some aspects of an event but not other essential parts of it. In some cases all memory for certain events is unavailable for conscious recall. Some people with a dissociative disorder describe their memory as being like “Swiss cheese holes,” “foggy,” or “full of black holes.” They may suspect that something happened, or may have even been told by others that something happened to them, but have no personal recollection of events and often feel afraid to think about them. People may have amnesia for longer periods of time during which normal life events took place, for example, a person may report being unable to remember anything from the fifth grade, or from ages 9–12. - (Coping With Trauma Related Dissociation - Suzette Boon, Kathy Steele, Onno van der Hart)

Instinctive use of time travel to edit out parts of a conversation that a perspective character does not wish to accept or confront is a fantastic allegory for how dissociative symptoms manifest. When a person or dissociative part stumbles too close to a severe trauma trigger. To speak from personal experience it is a moment where in a conversation a question comes up and the answer feels wrong in your mouth. Like you just lied. But you know you didn't intend to lie... so of course you interrogate the piece of information and the wall of confusion that hits can make a person feel truly powerless. Like you're not even certain of what you are saying anymore and a mixture of shame and fear flood in and tell you to stop talking, stop lying, stop exaggerating, stop speaking, stop, stop, STOP. Poor Siffrin shouldn't have their memory made fun of. But... his friends allies don't know. Do they? How could they? Siffrin doesn't speak up and when he does it tends to be a showy performance of being light hearted and silly so no one can see how hurt he is. Because if he does try to be honest... well. You saw what happened when they tried to open up. Through hard work and persistence the allies loop enough times to gain the knowledge and strength to win against The King. The King's first attack will force the allies to see a vision of the future and without a special magic shield will kill them in a single strike. Siffrin stays determined and prepares his allies. Helps them become stronger. Helps them win. The world is saved. Everyone in Vaugarde is released from the time freezing spell... But something's wrong... Siffrin is given a chance to talk to everyone as they all happily speak about what they'll do now that the country is saved but no matter what happens. Isabeau attempts to confess the thing that he wished to tell Siffrin if they won but is interrupted before he can get the words out, much to Siffrin's annoyance. The world is safe. All is well. It shall return to normal soon enough... only thing to do is speak with the head housemaiden and accept the praise and thanks for all the hard effort in saving Vaugarde... Then world starts to fall apart and... The second act comes to an abrupt close.

Act 3 - Family and Culture

The curtain rises and the play begins continues. The loop begins with Siffrin back at the start, even though the day was saved. Simply killing The King must not be enough. There must be a reason that the loops are continuing, even after Vaugarde is saved. The only way to understand is to find out more about why The King is able to freeze the country in time and if it has anything to do with why Siffrin can loop back. Speaking with Loop, Siffrin recognizes that as long as there are ideas and leads to explore then giving up is not going to happen. Loop seems reluctant to encourage Siffrin to continue, in fact Loop seems doesn't appear surprised by the time loop continuing at all. Loop is an interesting character and deserves an article unto themselves. We should focus on Siffrin right now.

Their first order of business is to attempt the Golden End exit route. It worked for Bill Murray, why not in this situation? Simply work out a way to make everyone have a perfect loop. Saving the world isn't enough. Siffrin can solve everyone's problems. Here we learn that Bonnie, the kid, harbors a deep well of shame for allowing Siffrin to be blinded in an eye while protecting them earlier in the adventure, before the loops. Siffrin, true to their dissociative nature, did not even remember the event. Siffrin also spends quality time with the adults in the party. Always hoping Isabeau would be brave enough to confess this loop. On this journey up the house of change the team are closer and more caring. No one makes fun of Siffrin for bumping into the counter. Siffrin discovers that the other party members have noticed his breathing exercises. Very helpful for those with dissociative disorders, by the way. They ground the body and allow one to ease somatic symptoms by soothing the nervous system and preventing activated sensations worsening symptoms. As they get closer to The King the warm and familial banter continues with Odile using the word 'friend' out loud. A guarded Siffrin allows themselves to confront Odile on saying that they were not friends (something she did not even say this "Golden" loop) and through an awkward but kind conversation she confesses she, a Too Old For This lady cannot feel comfortable calling a group of people with a pre-teen "friends" but she can perhaps call them "Family" The menu updates. Siffrin's Allies are now Sif's Family Members. This remains true in all the menus no matter what happens in any loop. But in this moment, there is a golden ending. There is joy. Though Isabeau is unwilling to discuss his confession when Sif is feeling vulnerable. They need to have a Feely-Feels talk. Sif hates the idea of a Feely-Feels talk. Yet, even still... In this moment Sif is loved.

Many people with Complex PTSD have attachment wounds from their family of origin. The concept of a found family is common among survivors, particularly in those who choose to go Non-Contact with the family of origin. Others, like Sif, have lost their family to tragedy and simply have no roots to return to. The role of a chosen family is vital in the healing journey. Survivors can become aggressively attached to those who they view as chosen family and are often activated by the concept of another loss. The wounds of losing one family enough to have massive impact on how the survivor handles relationships going forward. It is why unstable relationships is listed as a symptom of CPTSD and why there is such a big overlap of CPTSD and BPD diagnosis.

There’s no way around the fact that on the journey to finding your chosen family, you will get hurt. People you thought would be there for you will abandon you, people will decide they no longer have the emotional capacity to hold space for you, and… people who made promises to be by your side will betray those promises. That’s not anyone’s fault. It’s just life. Not everyone belongs on our journeys, but… when you find the right people, don’t let go of them. Nurture the relationships, reciprocate the support, and above all, respect the myriad of ways that people can and will show up for you. - (The Role of ‘Chosen Family' in Trauma Recovery - Monika Sudakov)

Sif is desperately attached to the Family Members that they travel with. In many ways the only reason they can endure the time loops is to protect them. Any time there is a prompt which threatens these relationships Sif's monologue insists that they will not abandon the script that ensures their safety and happiness. Yet despite all this power of love and Family, the loops continue. Which is fine. Golden Ending was a long shot anyway. Clearly it has to be related to The King and it's power to stop time. It seems to know the mysterious art of Time Craft. Talking to The King will help. The answers are still attainable and now Sif has a Family. To get the information required to learn about Time Craft and The King one must interact with as many books and items in the house of change as possible. In doing so we learn more about Sif and their history. By this point in the story the concept of croissants has come up a number of times for the party. In the opening town Sif has the option of buying one from a bakery and gives an uncharacteristic scowl. When they are spotted in the house Sif tends to duck out of conversations, not caring to listen to people talk about the pastry he loathes so desperately. He jokes about it and obfuscates but Sif hates croissants. With a burning passion. There is literally a food that can kill him in the game (he is allergic to pineapple and can die on a banana plantain peel) but his ire always turns towards croissants. Croissants are an emotional trigger for Sif. They harbored such a deep hatred of croissants that when, in Act 4, he is pressured to tell everyone what he wished for at the start of the game he says that they wished for croissants to disappear forever. Sif's reactivated trauma is related to croissants. Up until now he had been living his life blissfully unaware of his dissociated experiences and yet a croissant cracked the amnesia barriers that kept him safe and now each time he sees them they cannot help but be reminded of "The Incident". By examining the Silver coin in their inventory a number of times one can see "The Incident", a moment that happened days before the plot began which informs Sif's entire emotional state throughout the game...

(source: ISAT Script Project) Note the time skip at the tail end of that sequence. Sif was thinking too heavily about the trauma again and skipped time to avoid thinking about it. Dissociative barriers. He literally cannot think about it. The universe won't let him. Sif's home isn't there anymore. In the canon of the game where reality can be rewritten on the whim of a wish, the country that Sif comes from was wiped off of the map and all knowledge and memory of it has been erased, even from those who lived there. Sif's trauma is that he lost his home. His family. Everything and everyone that he ever knew. Through traveling with his family members he has gained a slither of the emotion, comfort, connection and safety that he lost and in being reminded of all that he lost so close to the end of their journey he was reminded he can and will lose it all again and the thought is too terrifying to process. This is the core conflict in Sif's heart for the entire game. The more they interact with memories of the destruction of his homeland the more keenly aware he becomes of the fact that the quest will end and his family will go their separate ways and abandon him. They have no home to return to when this is all done. CPTSD is not currently recognized by the DSM-5. An official diagnostic description can only be found within the ICD-11. On the ICD-11 page for Complex-PTSD there is a specific segment for "Culture Related Features" that reads:

Cultural variation exists in the expression of symptoms of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. For example, somatic or dissociative symptoms may be more prominent in certain groups attributable to cultural interpretations of the psychological, physiological, and spiritual etiology of these symptoms and of high levels of arousal.

Given the severe, prolonged, or recurrent nature of the traumatic events that precipitate Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, collective suffering and the destruction of social bonds, networks and communities may present as a focal concern or as important related features of the disorder.

For migrant communities, especially refugees or asylum seekers, Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder may be exacerbated by acculturative stressors and the social environment in the host country. - (ICD-11 for Mortality and Morbidity Statistics)

We do not learn much of Sif's culture of origin but we know that they were in tune with The Universe, that they had spiritual aspects that allowed them to use Wish Craft and follow when fate leads. Act 3 is an info gathering quest on The King's motivations and we discover that King and Sif both hail from the same country and have lost all their social bonds, networks and communities and cannot even recreate the specifics of their culture. It has literally been erased. No culprit is ever named for this atrocity but from Act 3 onwards Sif mourns this lack of roots and via the power of the magic that prevents anyone from remembering the country they cannot mention this tragedy to anyone. Though Odile is able to infer it. Odile is also an immigrant to Vaugarde, her mother was from Vaugarde and her father from Ka Bue. Her mother abandoned her and Odile's quest in Vaugarde is to find parts of her history within the foreign land and fill in the parts of her soul that she feels are incomplete from the lack of her mother's presence and history in her life. In Act 3 the two bond over it as part of Odile's "friendquest", in Act 4 and beyond Sif's inner monologue seethes with bitterness and envy for Odile having connections. The initial connection of them both being foreigners in an accepting land caves to the pain of loss that consumes Siffrin whole.

(source: ISAT Script Project) What's worse is that some of the things that the family members joke at Sif about for being too forgetful to know the words "Kiln" "Pottery Wheel" or "Stuffed Animal" (though they do remember on some loops) become less about silly forgetful Sif letting incidental information slide out of their dissociative mind. It becomes making fun of a person speaking a second language and not having complete mastery over it. By Act 5 Sif has no patience for the playful jabs because they happen every single loop and they hurt. Minimizing is a lot harder in a time loop. Every small moment of tiny pain repeats again and again. Every time Sif bumps their hip on a counter the party laugh at him. Well... except for the time he screamed at them for it... or the time he collapsed into a defeated pile on the floor on the verge of tears. Heaven help me if bumping into a counter hasn't been the last straw to break my facade when the weight is too much to carry. Poor Sif... As Sif learns more about Time Craft and the country that both he and The King come from, Sif starts to gain an understanding of The King's motivations. After losing one country he couldn't bear to risk losing another home. Vaugarde was so kind to him and took him in and he wants it to remain perfect and safe forever. Frozen in time like a photograph. Now that Sif has come to recognize how important his Family Members are to him, they understand. To have people you love and consider Family is so important and the idea of losing that is simply unspeakable. It is a fate worse than the time loops. By now Sif has done the Golden Ending a time or two...

He understands why The King would do this. The final loop of Act 3 allows Sif to attempt to convince The King not to fight. The pair have attempted to bond over their roots, they have tried to force The Universe to allow them to speak the name of their nation (but it refused to be said) and now Sif wants to try and use understanding. The King agrees. He stops the fight. Asks Sif to come to his side and... Then he freezes the Family Members in time. He understands now that Sif is using Wish Craft to fight him and he cannot win on traditional terms so he decides to carve it into Sif's memory, a reminder of what happens if he continues defying The King's will. He picks up poor little pre-teen BonBon... and FORCES SIFFRIN TO WATCH AS HE CRU-

Act 4 - Shame Spiral

The curtain rises. The play begins continues. And Sif is not okay. They witnessed the game break the well established rule that the kid was not able to be hurt. Even in runs where you lose to The King Bonnie always gets away. The Family will always go out of their way to ensure The Kid survives. It's happened so many times by now one doesn't even think to question it... And the player had to watch. There is no avoiding that event. Sif will lower their guard to speak with The King and offer compassion and trust to someone they thought of as a kindred spirit and no sooner had they laid down their arms for a moment they were punished for it. Brutally. It's the rock again. Feel safe, even for a moment, and it comes crashing down to crush with full weight... only this time it's not the Sif taking the hit. Sif can take all the hits in the world. It was BONNIE. Someone else was crushed because Sif trusted. From this moment on Sif's intrusive thoughts become louder and meaner. Look above at the conversation with Odile about her roots and notice the changes between Act 3's inner monologue and Act 4's. By this point in the story Sif is losing track of how many loops they have gone through. Unless you keep your Memory of Self equipped you will find that any time you loop forwards or backwards the loop counter will jump up by leaps. Sif is so numb to the cycle by now that they're just dissociating through iterations of the time loop. Other times he 'blacks out' bits of time include sleeping at the clocktower. We learn that he never ever sleeps at the tower. He just blacks out and comes to at the house ready for the next run. All Sif can remember is what the player sees. But stuff does happen besides that which we see. It's not just the amount of time that Sif has been in the loops that is causing this degradation of mental health, though. It's the continuous activation taking a toll. When a person is continiously hyperaroused they become disaffected, chronically dissociated and begin experiencing somatic symptoms. Headache, stomach ache, exhaustion with no ability to sleep, hunger without ability to eat. At this point of the story Sif is constantly hungry and is not sleeping at all. The primary cause for this is the attachment trauma being continuously triggered. Where in early acts it was a matter of worry over losing his new family while being reminded constantly of losing his old one, now he is reminded of allowing his family to die because of his actions. The shame spiral claims him and his emotions become wild, even if he is not able to express them outwardly. This level of emotional sensitivity is a primary symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder. The similarities between CPTSD and BPD are enough that much of the discussion around the potential for including CPTSD in the next revision of the DSM centers around whether it should replace or be combined with BPD. The Foundation for CPTSD writes on the topic:

At one-time, complex post-traumatic stress disorder was proposed as an alternate form of borderline personality disorder because of the shared link to severe childhood trauma. The jury is still out to recognize CPTSD as a diagnosis in the DSM, but it is believed that the symptoms and causes of BPD and CPTSD overlap substantially, but it is not warranted to replace one diagnosis with the other or conceptualize CPTSD as a subtype of BPD. Borderline personality disorder and complex post-traumatic stress disorder are commonly found together, with between 25% and 60% of people living with BPD also having CPTSD. Complex post-traumatic stress disorder is listed in the 11th edition of the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11), and this has spurred research differentiating the two disorders. Evidence suggests that CPTSD and BPD may represent a continuum of the stress response, and both seem to have a component of dissociation involved. The most significant difference between the two diagnoses is when they form. CPTSD typically forms in early childhood, while BPD forms during early adolescence. Having both CPTSD and BPD makes life difficult, to say the least. - (CPTSD Foundation)

BPD is a personality disorder categorized by attachment wounds. Part of the diagnostic criteria includes "Frantic efforts to avoid abandonment, whether it is accurate or not, by family and friends" It is safe to say Sif feels this way about their family. They lost their entire home, their history, their family of origin. They cannot conceive of losing the family that they have gained. The concept is simply too painful for them to consider and so emotional and dissociative barriers force away anything which could potentially bring the topic of losing them to mind. Heaven knows we can understand the impulse... But since being directly responsible for failing the promise they made to protect Bonnie this is no longer a matter of fear of the unknown, it is shame in having failed to keep a promise to protect. This shame grows and cripples Sif's emotional regulation, leaving them prone to volatile outbursts of their repressed rage. Either forcing it inwards on the self or outwards on others.

When you feel chronic shame, you believe that no amount of punishment or corrective actions would be sufficient, and you are unable to forgive yourself or have any empathy for the terrible suffering shame brings to you. It is as though chronically ashamed people have received a life sentence of shame with no hope of parole, even when they are unsure of exactly why they are bad. In fact, some people will say there is no particular reason they are bad and unworthy: The mere fact that they exist and take up space on the earth is shameful enough. They believe they are not worthy of living and do not deserve anything good. In such cases, shame is an emotion of hiding: The last thing an ashamed person wants is to be open, vulnerable, and seen by others. Thus, it is an emotion that often is not addressed sufficiently in therapy, even though it is a major impediment to healing. - (Coping With Trauma Related Dissociation - Suzette Boon, Kathy Steele, Onno van der Hart)

Act 4 is about learning the origins of the Wish Craft that rewrites the universe and allows for Sif to use Time Craft. We learn that any time they are upset they will instinctively rewrite history to prevent the things that they fear from coming to pass. This includes moments when their anger gets away from them and they lash out at their family. Some optional scenes include forcing Isabeau into a kiss or screaming at Odile when she knows too much and tries to help Siffrin. Any time these outbursts happen time rewinds and only Siffrin is left with the knowledge that they happen, deepening the growing well of shame. All the while Sif feels more hollow in the interactions he has with his Family. In forcing them to be their best selves via the "Friendquest" events every loop he starts feeling like he is manipulating them. Where he felt loved the first few times he now accuses himself of forcing them to love him.

To the degree that our caretakers attack or abandon us for showing vulnerability, to that degree do we later avoid the authentic self-expression that is fundamental to intimacy. The outer critic forms to remind us that everyone else is surely as dangerous as our original caretakers. Subliminal memories of being scorned for seeking our parents’ support then short-circuit our inclinations to share our troubles and ask for help. Even worse, retaliation fantasies can plague us for hours and days on the occasions when we do show our vulnerabilities. I once experienced this after being very honest and vulnerable in a job interview with a committee of eight. Over the next three insomnia-plagued nights, my outer critic ran non-stop films featuring my interviewers’ contempt about everything I had said, and disgust about all that I had left out. Even after they subsequently and enthusiastically hired me, the outer critic plagued me with “imposter syndrome” fantasies of eventually being exposed as incompetent in the new job. - (Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving - Pete Walker)

It doesn't matter. Sif tries everything. Learns all the things that they can learn. Explores all the hidden areas of the house of change. Nothing matters. It's hopeless.

And with each loop The King's attack shows Sif a vision of the future. What do they see? Endless looping or... does Sif see the future beyond the loops? After the party return to their various homes? Act 4 ends with The Head Housemaiden, the only one who could have potentially held answers telling Sif outright that there was no escape... Before the loop begins anew.

Act 5 - Curtains

[Hello there. It's me, Dawn. I'm pausing the essay and dropping the cute little play structure to reiterate the Content Warnings from the start of the post. During Act 5 there are options to commit self-harm that a player may stumble across unintentionally. During previous acts one has to work exceptionally hard and against the game and characters within it to unlock a means of self-harm and it is unambiguously seen as a bad thing. In Act 5 there are no external forces to comment on Siffrin's actions.] The curtain rises. No point in wasting time. Get the actors. Make them strong. Beat the king. Do it right this time. Unfortunately our star has lost all of the mental fortitude they had. They were so strong for so long but there is only so much a person can take before they let the anger win. It is all too common for people with significant trauma to harbor resentment and anger in their soul. It sometimes remains repressed under layers of emotion numbing dissociation, it sometimes turns inwards into self-destructive acts and viewpoints and it sometimes turns outwards into explosive acts of physical or emotional violence. But it's there... lurking within the injustice of all the pain a person has felt.

When you have experienced a trauma, anger often becomes the central emotion that you feel. Angry thoughts about revenge may consume you. According to Enright and Fitzgibbons (2000), your anger is more destructive if you focus it on another person or people; it is intense, even in the short term; it leads to a learned pattern of annoyance, irritation, or frustration with others who are not the source of your anger; it is extremely passive; it is extremely hostile; or it is developmentally appropriate for someone much younger than your actual age (e.g., you act like a two-year-old and have a temper tantrum). - (The PTSD Workbook Mary Beth Williams)

and so... with the 5th act of our play about to begin, the star wakes in a familiar meadow for what may be the hundredth time... and they simply cannot take it anymore.

The actor on stage has reached Rock Bottom and likely unlocked the skill Rock Bottom to go with it, though they are beyond the silly puns now. Rock, Paper, Scissors, Breathe or Heal. Just get to The King. Just kill it. One. Last. Time. The GIF above starts with the line "YOU WANT YOUR FAMILY BACK!!! NOT THE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS THAT HAVE TAKEN THEIR PLACE!!!" Up until now we have only spoken about dissociation in terms of zoning out or blocking out memory. I now want to talk about Derealization and Depersonalization. DPDR has been a subject of other Media, Myself and I essays, most notably our discussion on Night in the Woods. To be brief about it for this essay Depersonalization is a detatchment from one's sense of self and Derealization is a detatchment from reality. Our star has become so disillusioned with the endless looping that they no longer view their surroundings as real. The people in their life are just actors in a play that they are directing. Everyone says their lines. Even the star must say their lines. But there's still some stage direction. Some purpose that our hero must fulfill. They know that there is a chance if they can just kill the king without Mirabelle landing the final shot. Then. Maybe... In their disaffected state and unable to convincingly perform their lines in the play, our star manages to upset everyone else on stage causing them to doubt if it would be safe and productive to continue traveling with such a horrible disgusting unreliable stupid person. This causes the final act to be a solo performance. One final walk through the house without friends allies family actors to help. At the clocktower the other actors talk about our star and are uncertain if they can trust them any longer. Our star reacts by rejecting them entirely and going it alone. There is a concept in BPD called Splitting in which a person devalues or exaggerates the value of an individual in their compromised emotional state. It can cost a person relationships if they act out of these temporary emotions. At the start of Act 5 the actor manages to scream at the kid for getting in danger, calls the fighter a coward and mocks the researcher for her mother abandoning her. The individual, so desperate to shield their wounded heart, pushes the people they love away because their proximity is too close to their open wounds and they push away to maintain space. This is particularly true in those who struggle to create healthy emotional boundaries. This game is such a god damned call out at times. As the actor climbs the house everything is broken. The universe itself is trying to maintain the reality of two wishes that it needs to make a reality. "Save Vaugarde" and the one the main character wished for in Act 1. Do you remember what it was? The Universe cannot allow Siffrin to remain with their Family Members if they run off alone and reject them. The Universe simply cannot accomodate such a reality. Everything is falling apart. What proceeds is the ISAT equivalent of a Genocide Run in Undertale. Everything is broken and wrong. Rooms are breaking the collision boundaries of a video game, textures are cut wrong, doors lead to the wrong location, time is looping without rhyme or reason. And the menu is blunt. You cannot change your equipment, now stuck with Memory of Emptiness with the description (Nothing comes to mind, hahahahaha!) Some rooms contain hallucinations that make our star feel more abandoned and empty and mournful of their situation. In rooms where they would normally receive a modicum of physical comfort brushing against the other actors there is nothing now.

(Aaaaaaah…) (You rub your arms once, twice, thrice.) (Your throat tightens) (You feel like you're floating in your own body.) (If only someone would touch you to make sure you're real! Someone, anyone!)

This is an example of extreme depersonalization. Also the garden has a table with 4 healthy plants and 1 dying plant to the side. Our star notices it and it acts as a visual indicator of the barriers between the director and their actors. Some of the other rooms on the Act 5 climb depict overt self-harm...

It can be understood as a substitute action for more adaptive coping that attempts to deal with a variety of overwhelming problems, many involving too much feeling (for example, loneliness, abandonment, panic, inner conflicts, traumatic memories) or too little feeling (numbness, depersonalization, emptiness, feeling dead). Self-harm is thus often related to the need for regulation skills, that is, finding ways to modulate and tolerate unbearable inner experiences, such as painful emotions, or traumatic memories (Gratz & Walsh, 2009; Miller, 1994). Some people harm themselves in secret and carefully hide the inflicted wounds from others. Other people harm their bodies in places that are visible to people around them. (Coping With Trauma Related Dissociation - Suzette Boon, Kathy Steele, Onno van der Hart)

The shame only increases upon doing these optional (but distressingly unprovoked) actions. Honestly, if I had one criticism of the game and its depiction of mental health it is that there is no way to know that looking at the cupboard with the eye patch conversation would cause a self-destructive action. As someone with extreme sensitivity to depictions of suicide and self-harm I felt that having no agency or warning over that (I had no reason to assume this would happen. Any other form of self-harm requires selecting a menu option. This one jumps out at a player unexpected) was... unfair. It is noted in monologue that breathing exercises no longer work by this point of the narrative and due to not being at the clocktower our star is proceeding with no food and no sleep. Their already bottomed out mental and emotional state is in sore need of external intervention. Something the actor both desires and rejects in equal measure. Upon finding and fighting The King our hero is frozen in time and locked in a dream. Placed face to face with their worst fears and worries of how their actors Family would perceive them.

(source: ISAT Script Project)

After the screen stops being blurry and the player wipes the wet spots off of their Nintendo Switch. The fear of being perceived. The fear of being seen as manipulative. Being seen as insincere. Being seen as lazy or too afraid to change. Callous. Aimless. Manipulative. So many survivors have these negative scripts and inner critics. Caught in their cycles. Their own little loops. But there's still hope. Family. The chance to be vulnerable. The game concludes with Sif's Family saving him from The King. But even though The King's spell is broken and the people of Vaugarde are unfrozen the sky has a giant red crack in it. Sif's wish is still tearing the world apart. Realizing that when the quest is over everyone will go home Sif has their temper tantrum, becoming the final boss in which every move is a choice to either lash out at the party or lash out at themselves. A boss mechanic version of the final embers of a violent extinction burst. That is to say a person who does not have control over their ability to maintain a sustained behavior will lash out and attempt to assert control in order to prevent losing the conditioned routine.

An extinction burst is characterized by a temporary increase in the frequency, intensity, or duration of behavior being extinguished through operant conditioning. This phenomenon occurs when the reinforcement for a previously learned behavior is removed, leading to an initial escalation of the behavior before it decreases and eventually ceases. While not all instances of extinction involve such bursts, they are observed in some cases, particularly during the treatment of problematic behaviors. Extinction bursts can complicate the treatment of behavioral disorders, as they may temporarily increase undesired behaviors like aggression or self-injury, making it challenging to assess the effectiveness of interventions. (*)

In this case Sif is lashing out because he has no way of preventing his Family from going back to their lives. It's a destructive and unhealthy mechanism. The fight ends with everyone refusing to let Sif run away or hide anymore. He is forced to admit that his wish was to stay with everyone. That he didn't want the family to go away. He opens himself up to the vulnerability of being seen of being understood and yes, even potentially rejected. The Family agree to travel together at least long enough to get Bonnie back to their sister. But there are no guarantees what happens beyond there. There is love. There is acceptance. There is honesty. There are no more time loops. Maybe now, finally... there can be change. Growth. Tomorrow.

In time loop fiction everything eventually loses meaning. There are no permanent consequences, no external pressures, nothing inherent to strive for, no meaning but what the protagonist(s) give themselves. The option to just accept things and remain is always there as Andy Samberg's character in Palm Springs does. The option to never stop trying to escape is there for those like Keiji in All You Need Is Kill.

The brilliance of In Stars and Time is that there are two wishes that are influencing the universe. The wish of the people to save Vaugarde from being frozen in time and Siffrin's wish to remain with his family. Change and Stagnation. That's what it always comes down to in these time loop stories and the conflict in this game is that those two forces are playing against one another. The only outcome was to give up on one or the other. As we'll learn in Act 6 there is no reality where Siffrin gets to stay with all 4 party members. They will have to separate at some point. Accepting change is accepting that things can and will and do end and life will go on and you have to be okay with it. Many of our essays have focused on representation that includes a healing journey from Ange Ushiromiya accepting the circumstances of her tragic past to Elliot Alderson's 4 season long representation of trauma therapy for dissociative clients. I think the thing I love about In Stars and Time is that it's the long and arduous process of a chronically traumatized individual asking for help. It's the first step on the healing journey. Acceptance. Siffrin spent the entire game in denial and rejection, making jokes and pushing things aside. Our long and hard journey was just getting to the point where they were able to recognize and admit it. And I really hope that Sif and their family members will be okay. I wished on my leaf for Sif to see Ka Bue with Odile. I hope they get to go. But as insertdisc5 says when asking any questions about what happens next "it's your turn" -

Stars that was a long one. Thank you for sticking with me if you read the whole thing. We like to write these essays as a matter of helping our study on dissociation (we, ourselves, are a DID patient and reading and comprehending this material is essential to our recovery and treatment) and providing a little insight to bits of media that are positive examples of what we go through. If you enjoyed always feel free to leave an ask or leave some silly tags. I never care if I get a flop post as writing is its own reward but the encouragement is good for my ego <3

Special thanks to @insertdisc5 for answering when I reached out for comment on the writing of this essay. The reply was helpful and encouraged us to take our time and write this with extra care. (In Stars and Time can be found on Steam, Itch, GOG, Nintendo Store and Playstation Store. The Prologue Game can be found on Steam and the Start Again comic on insertdisc5’s website) Media, Myself and I is a series of Tumblr Essays for positive depictions of dissociative disorders. Other essays include: A History of Murder Alters Discworld and Plurality Incidental, intentional and accidental representation Gender, Dissociation and Clinical Stigma in The Third Person Recontextualized Memories in Umineko Derealization in Night in the Woods and Metal Gear Solid The Dangers of Hypnotic Personality Play in Penlight System Origins in The Incredible Hulk Relationships with Systems in The Incredible Hulk The Healing Journey in Mr. Robot

...wait... what happened to Act 6?

I did say Loop deserved their own essay, didn't I?

#dawn posting #say the line siffrin #media myself and I #watch me post my trauma in public #cptsd #bpd #let's do the time loop again #in stars and time #siffrin #odile #isabeau #bonnie #mirabelle #isat #isat spoilers #time loop

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crimson-rain-smoked-flower · 2 years

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I’m not trying to attack you, but do you know that proshipper means someone who supports and romanticizes pedophilia, incest, and abuse? Your reblog on that post seems to read that you think antis just hate on people for having ships they don’t like. But it’s completely different than that. Just looking on the proshipper side of Tumblr and the internet and you can see people happily shipping children and adults and making nsfw content of such things.

i appreciate that you're not being outright hostile, but i have to say, that on its own put you above basically every anti i've interacted with.

i understand where antis are coming from, i really do. there are a lot of things on the internet that make me deeply uncomfortable, including the minor/adult ships that you mention. i don't want to anything to do with those kinds of ships and i would be happiest if i never saw them again. which is why i'm proship.

nine times out of ten, if i see that kind of ship brought up on my dash, it's because i was following an anti without realizing it, and they brought it up unprompted and untagged, to talk about how bad it is that they exist. they are the ones putting that kind of content in front of my face and making it harder to avoid.

the thing about people who ship those ships is that they're generally very aware that not everyone wants to see that kind of content, and so they tag it. they make sideblogs to talk about it. they don't go out of their way to shove it in people's faces. that means i, and everyone else who doesn't like it, can avoid it.

what antis want is for it to not exist at all. they want the tags to be purged and blocked, and for anyone who uses those tags to have their accounts deleted. and sure, that might get rid of some of it, but do you know what would happen to the rest? it would stop being tagged. people who don't want to see it wouldn't have the tools to avoid it. this isn't just a hypothetical, that's what's happened any time a fan space has tried to do that.

that's not even getting into the rabbit hole of what should be banned and what shouldn't. obviously any content that depicts real children or real life abuse shouldn't exist and shouldn't be allowed to be posted, but basically any platform that people use already enforces those policies, and there's not much of a slippery slope to go down there. if it involves real living breathing people being abused, it's bad. end of discussion.

but the same can't be said for fiction. ask ten antis for a specific list of all the content that should be banned, and you'll get ten different answers. what about kink? what about roleplay? what about horror and murder and anything that involves fictional characters being graphically tortured? what about people using art to process terrible things that have happened to them? what about art that uses dark themes as a horror element? if you just want to ban anything questionable to anyone, that's the line of thinking that gets any mention of lgbt existence banned. and again, this isn't just a hypothetical, this has happened before, and that's generally where it leads.

i know, from personal experience, that antis do, in fact, send harassment to people just for shipping things they don't like. i've gotten accused of absolutely vile shit for shipping two fictional characters who were both consenting adults. i've seen ship wars turn into moral battlegrounds, over ships that an average person wouldn't bat an eye at.

the thing about "romanticization" is a whole other can of worms. the anti logic goes like this: if someone sees something (even if it's very obviously fictional) in a positive light enough times, they will start thinking it's okay in real life, and go on to hurt real people. the problem with that is that it's just. blatantly untrue.

if it were true every horror movie fan would be a serial killer, every person that studies dark media would be an unhinged psychopath, and everyone who is into ddlg would be a pedophile. but they're not. they just aren't. people have directed movies just as fucked up as the darkest shit on ao3, and are still capable of being normal human beings who know right from wrong in real life.

even if someone is that impressionable, scrubbing away the existence of every piece of questionable content isn't going to solve their problem, because they're still going to be vulnerable to con men, scams, and cultists. the only thing that would actually materially help someone like that is developing their own morals and critical thinking.

children are also more impressionable, and there's a lot of content that's not suitable for them, but that doesn't mean that content shouldn't exist. it just means that they should stick to spaces designed for them (which most social media sites, tumblr included, are not) or, if they're old enough to be responsible for their experience online, they, or a trusted adult in their lives, should block and filter out things that they aren't comfortable with.

which is what everyone on the internet should be doing. it's what i do, and it's made the internet a much more pleasant place to be. and it's why i sometimes worry for antis mental health, especially teenagers, because they're being told it's right and moral to seek out content that makes them uncomfortable and to engage with the people making it. and that's just. really bad. it's not good for the creators that they're harassing obviously, but it's also really bad for them! it's not healthy to seek out things that make you feel bad, and it's a terrible internet safety lesson to teach minors that it's okay for them to seek out and engage with people making adult content.

individual harassment and crusading is never going to succeed at removing dark content from the internet. it just isn't. at best you might get a small percentage of people who create that content to stop sharing it, at worst you're just going to make people stop tagging it, and either way, you're exposing yourself to things that make you feel bad, when you don't have to.

if you want to materially change the type of content you see, you can. the block button is your friend, use it liberally. same with content filtering and tag blocking.

#oops this got really long #cd.ask #proship #disk horse #tw pedophila mention #uhhh what to tag #tw shipping discourse #this doesn't even get into the antis that i've seen proudly professing that they care more about fictional characters than real people #because i don't know how to explain to someone that real humans matter more than cartoon characters #or how to avoid content on platforms other than tumblr bc frankly thats a lot of the reason i don't use them #i don't trust an algorithm #also im turning anon off after posting this so if you want to send me hate you cant be a coward about it #also be prepared to get blocked and ignored #the only reason i answered this person is bc they weren't being hostile

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saytrrose · 1 month

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A post that Freakshow Au + Sm-Baby Fans NEED TO HEAR. READ IT.

—————

I cannot stand the people on tumblr in Mushys comments accusing her of so many horrible things. People have been stating that Mushy has been drawing “non-con” and supporting “abuse”. I will not go into too much detail on how it is affecting her and why but it is incredibly overwhelming for her, and she is not comfortable posting for the time being- and you people are making it hard for her to enjoy it anymore.

Mushy is portraying the au and characters how they would canonly work and that does not make her a bad person. The large amount of people trying to say that she has been drawing non-con of the late absolutely SICKENS me. You clearly do not have any understanding for that terminology and should not be throwing it around. Maybe if people paid attention to the au, the lore and how they are characterized you would come to the conclusion that NO ONE WANTS TO BE IN THE FREAKSHOW AU.

If you need a reminder of the definition, The TADC Freakshow Au is an Au where a horrible virus infects the Ai and twists their reality into a horror mindscape. THIS IS NOT CAINE OR ABLES FAULT. Caine and Able ARE AI. They are corrupted by the virus unwillingly and what Able puts Pomni through in the Able-Owned Pomni Au is yes, considered psychological abuse. HOWEVER why in gods name would you assume she supports that shit? Do you people just assume whenever someone draws a death scene they support murder?? or when someone depicts a scene of an animal getting hurt in a fanfic or movie that director/writer supports animal abuse?? Does that seriously go through your head?

EVERYONE in the Freakshow au in under some sort of psychological abuse- HELL in the original show they are. Like did you even watch it? And back to Freakshow, it’s a HORROR AU. People are killed left and right and no one seems to have a problem with that hm? THIS IS FICTION. PEOPLE NEED TO LEARN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FICTION AND REALITY BECAUSE WHEN YOU DO NOT DO SO YOU HURT PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE. Not the people producing fictional content, YOU.

People are quite literally, harassing Mushy right now and it is heartbreaking to see my friend experience this. If you do not like certain content that Mushy creates, BLOCK her or BLOCK her tags. People asking for her to tag her art with “abuse” makes her highly uncomfortable. If you do not like this, simply take responsibility for your own viewing and stop interacting.

People need to stop assuming that Mushy is also not trying to find comfort in drawing certain topics. You people need to stop assuming that Mushy lives some sort of cheery happy go lucky life. She experiences a lot, she is going through A LOT right now and you people dog piling these accusations onto her is not only just disrespectful as a person in general, but as her follower. It is truly just disappointing to see just how rude people can be when they are supposed to be your biggest supporters.

A tag MIGHT be arranged, something as simple as “Able-Owned Au” and if this is done then block it. It is that easy. It is so so easy and simple to take initiative for yourself and what you see and how you feel about it by limiting it on your own end than going out of your way to make someone feel horrible about themselves.

Mushys blog is HER blog. She can draw whatever she would like to and if anyone has an issue with this you can very kindly, FUCK OFF. The block button exists, use it. The block tags method exists, use it.

Stop harassing creators.

#tadc #the amazing digital circus #tadc freakshow #tadc freakshow au #tadc au

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tarot-by-e11e · 3 months

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PAC: "What do you need to let go of?" (call-out from your guides)

"Once we rid ourselves of the shackles of our own self-imposed limitations, we will be able to soar higher and further than the birds in the sky." - said by me

(reminder: this is for entertainment purposes only. Only take what resonates) Choose with mic will lovingly call you out~

Pile 1:

Pile 1: 8 of Coins, Judgement, 7 of Cups, 3 of Cups

Right off the bat, the first phrase I heard was, “unrealistic high standards”. Oomph. *nervously looking away*

Pile 1, by any chance, are you known as the “resident heartbreaker” in your community because of the trail of broken hearts you leave behind? It’s great to have standards but you need also to remember that nobody’s perfect, not even you dear pile 1. There’s this journal prompt(?) I’ve encountered before about listing down all the characteristics you want in your ideal partner, then sitting down and reflecting if your ideal would wish to have a partner like you. It’s such a humbling yet eye-opening journal prompt TBH. Don’t expect the best if you won’t show up as the best version of yourself. Like… if you want the best, you have to be the best version of yourself as well.

What you also need to let go of Pile 1 is your hyper-self-awareness. Granted that it’s great knowing what your strengths and weaknesses are but there is such a thing as too much. I heard, “A healthy balance is key” in your case. Sorry for the call out Pile 1 but from the second card as well, your perfectionistic tendencies are slowly making themselves known. You might have these “all-or-nothing” tendencies, like a “black-or-white” mindset sometimes. It seems you have high standards for others and yourself, so you tend to intellectualize your feelings instead of feeling them. Again, apologies for the call-out Pile 1.

The last card feels like a desperation for external validation. Like, you feel you always need someone to impress or win over to feel like you’re good enough. There’s this unworthiness wound that needs to be addressed. Also, chronic people-pleasing tendencies to the point of immediate self-sacrificial tendencies. Pile 1, you need to learn to let go of this unhealthy thirst for external validation. Because the moment you lose your “audience”, you feel lost and listless. You need to remember that you are worthy of love, happiness, and success in life because you exist.

Pile 2:

Pile 2: 2 of Cups, Tower, 10 of Swords, Strength

I’m saying sorry in advance Pile 2 but the first thing I heard was, “You need to learn to be happy alone.” Pile 2 either is the type that can’t stand being single or is a hopeless romantic that has more fictional crushes than actual human relationships. (Apologies to all the romance genre bookworms all over the world). This pile falls under those two categories~

So for the serial daters, it seems that you need to take a bit of a break/pause and assess what do you want in a partner, your non-negotiables and negotiables. You are asked to don’t say to every person that asks you out. Also heard that, don’t date just because you’re bored, lonely, or have a lot of time to spare. Basically, you are called to only get into a relationship for the right reasons.

Now for the hopeless romantic who prefers fictional men to real men, I understand that you might have heard stories or had experiences that made you always choose the bear every single time. Those horror stories are an unfortunate reality for people into men. But I can’t, in my good conscience as having nephews, say that all men are despicable human beings. Granted, not all men but still they’re men. So… what I’m saying here is, that your fictional boyfriends would want you to actually experience happiness through real human interactions too. So yup, keep your guard up to those who wear their red flags with pride, but do try to give a chance to good men out there.

What you also need to let go of Pile 2 is your destructive coping mechanisms whenever you feel triggered by your traumas. Yes, I’m sorry to have it break it to you. You kinda felt this would eventually be mentioned, right? You are aware of your own destructive tendencies when triggered. You are aware that you unintentionally hurt your loved ones whenever they trigger you. And you also know you want to stop hurting people in the process. If therapy is expensive, try searching for somatic exercises and eft tapping. You don’t always have to swallow a pill to get better at managing your anger issues and self-sabotaging tendencies. You just have to give yourself a safe space to be able to honor and validate your feelings/pain/trauma. Treat yourself as gentle and compassionate as possible, like you would a child who’s just learning how to walk and talk.

Lastly, you are called to let go of your arrogance. I’m really sorry for the call-out Pile 2 but the cards have spoken. It’s great to know within yourself that you can walk your talk but you might have the tendency to bulldoze anyone that crosses your path. This might even cause an issue with authority figures. There’s a fine line between arrogance and confidence that you need to learn to master. It’ll help with the harmonious dynamics between you and your coworkers.

Pile 3:

Pile 3: 10 of Wands, 6 of Coins, Queen of Coins, Wheel of Fortune

Pile 3 feels like my burnt-out workaholic pile from the get-go. Being burdened by too much on your plate. Pile 3 might actually tend to take on other people’s problems. I understand you want to help out but you need to understand that you have limits too. You are asked to let go of the burdens that aren’t actually yours to begin with. You’re also asked to reprioritize your needs and responsibilities first before even considering helping someone else with their problems. I kept hearing, “You can’t pour out of an empty cup.”

Why does it feel like Pile 3 is my overly giving and generous pile? Sweetheart, please… I get how you want to help others out and give whenever you can. Just don’t forget to keep some for yourself, okay? I’m not asking you to stop being generous. I’m asking you to discern who genuinely needs your generosity and who is abusing your kind and loving heart. Unfortunately, not everyone deserves you and your generous heart.

Pile 3, your pile really has me crying and whimpering, “Please stop letting people walk all over you.” No wonder y’all are burnt out, you are the most loving, generous, and nurturing souls in the world to the point of being easy prey for abusive, manipulative narcissists. I’m begging you Pile 3, discernment and boundaries. You’re so nurturing and caring to the point of ignoring someone’s red flags. So… you have to actually learn how to have healthy boundaries and practice discernment. Don’t entertain the idea/potential of a person and see them for who they really are.

The last card feels like you need to let go of being too much of a “going with the flow” to the point of not taking charge of your own life, Pile 3. I understand you’re adaptable and know how to roll with the punches, but it also feels like a drifter with no roots. Always letting yourself be carried wherever the wind blows, can be interpreted as letting people dictate how you should live your life. It seems that pile 3 tends to take a passive approach to living your life. I understand that people who are of authority claim they want what’s best for you, but that’s what’s best based on THEIR values and preferences, not YOURS. So… please Pile 3, take the time to figure out what do you actually want to do with your life, in your own way. You are not just someone’s child, not just someone’s sibling/parent, not just someone’s friend/classmate/coworker. You are your own person, with a heart that feels and a mind that can think for themselves.

Pile 4:

Pile 4: 2 of Coins, 6 of Swords, Knight of Swords, Chariot

The first card of Pile 4 feels like you need to let go of only prioritizing your needs while disregarding your desires. It’s great to know how to be practical and resourceful, but you tend to only focus on nurturing the physical and basic needs, you tend to forget your emotional needs too. You tend to forget that you can let yourself enjoy your life while you work hard to provide for yourself and your family. I’m hearing, “self-care” is something you need to prioritize. Don’t just say, “Oh, I can just enjoy the fruits of my labor later” then realize your knees can’t even be stable enough to carry your body to your bathroom. The last I heard from the first card was “Go on a vacation and treat yourself while your body is still able to live and move with ease.”

The next thing you need to let go of is your cut-off game, specifically your tendency to ghost people. It seems that Pile 4 is quite quick to cut people out of your lives without notice. It seems that pile 4 also tends to cut someone out of their life on impulse. Like, no explanation, no notice, no last goodbye. This is giving “ghosting” vibes. It’s like, the person you cut off didn’t even do anything wrong, yet pile 4 while just going ghost without a valid reason. Like, pile 4 may go ghost whenever someone is getting a bit too close to your heart and you tend to run before they even get a chance to offer any friendship/commitment. Pile 4, are you a commitment phobe?

Pile 4, what you need to let go of is your impatience. Not just towards others, but also towards yourself. The littlest inconveniences make you lose your cool quicker than a mic drop. Not everyone is capable of keeping up with your demands and requests, not even you. So please, learn to be more understanding and patient with yourself and other people. I understand that you want to just go-go-go, but you need to know that you shouldn’t bulldoze your way through life. Learn to pace yourself by taking the time to smell the roses. There’s nothing wrong about going after what you want to get done, but you just need to remember that you don’t always do everything perfectly in the first try. You too make mistakes. You too need time to learn from your mistakes and become a better version of yourself. So please, show yourself and others the same compassion and patience you wished someone would give you.

Finally, the last thing pile 4 needs to let go of is “being controlling”. I’m really sorry for this call-out Pile 4 but you must have heard this from someone else before. Just because you know what’s best and know how to do it best, it doesn’t mean you should always take the reins and just control everything and everyone to bend into your will. Your way isn’t the only way to do things. You might be surprised that there are other ways to go about a task with minimal damage and effort. So please, let go of the concept that you have to always take charge and always be the leader.

Thank you for trying out my PAC reading. Feel free to give me a feedback on how your pile resonates with you.

#pick a card #divination #tarot cards #tarot #pick a photo #pac reading #pac tarot #pick a pile #pick a picture #tarot reading #tarotcommunity #tarotblr

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inbarfink · 2 years

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The deaths of all the Finch kids are really so unbearably tragic. It really speaks to the quality of the writing and storytelling in ‘What Remains’. They’re written as so vivid and human and real, but also so many of them died so young. They were children, it’s so much harder for me to do the whole ‘well, let’s appreciate the life they did have’ thing when the majority of them didn’t even have a chance to become the people they could have become. And yet the image of who they could’ve been if they survived is so vivid in my mind.

Edith had that line about how she always imagined Molly as a girl she could be good friends with. Obviously if she didn’t die back in 1947 they wouldn’t really be at the same age group, but she’d be one hell of a Cool Aunt. I can only imagine her Weird Girl tendencies would’ve only grown stronger and stronger with age. Considering her fascination with animals, maybe she would’ve gone to study Zoology or Biology when she grew older? And since she was dissecting a sea star just before her canon death…

Sadly, I’m not sure if Barbara would’ve been able to resurrect her acting career. But there’s some subtle hints in her room that in reality she was more willing to move past it compared to her fictionalized version in that horror comic (which can’t be easy when you live in a room your dad themed entirely around your child-star years THANKS SVEN). That ‘horror convention’ seems to be an invention of the comic, Barbara’s actual room has a flier for a ‘Witch’s Ball’ at Orcas Island High School and a dress ready for it.

Barbara Finch didn’t actually spend her last day on earth hopelessly trying to revive her dead career, she was hoping to have a fun Halloween party like a regular teenager. Maybe the fact that it was hosted by the Orcas Island High School Drama Club implies she still had an interest in acting and theatre. Maybe she could’ve ended up as a classically trained actress with the child-stardom as just a fun quirk of her past? Or maybe she just wanted to take part in the Witches Ball because she likes Spooky Things? And she could have found her way back into the Horror Scene in a different way, like being a writer or costume designer or something?

Maybe Calvin could’ve become an Astronaut like he always wanted? But I think Calvin might’ve been more enthralled with the fantasy of science fiction than the reality of space travel. I’m thinking a lot about how Sam described Clavin in Gregory’s memoriam as ‘lost in his imagination’. Maybe he could’ve become a science fiction writer or something?

Walter didn’t technically die young, but he still certainly lost most of his years to the Curse. Like, a big thing about the tragedy of Walter to me is realizing his original childhood bedroom was themed after “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea” and trains.

Lil’ Walter did have an interest in adventure and travel, before his fears took it all away from him. If it wasn’t for the Curse, Walter could’ve actually something with it. Maybe he could’ve traveled around a bit and written about his experiences.

Lewis would’ve probably gone into game design. It’s not just how his fantasies manifest to us the players, but you can actually find books about game design and coding in his room. It seems that the problem was that his crappy job and his depression took away any opportunity he might have had to actually pursue this idea. Maybe if Milton never left, these three Finch siblings could’ve combined their creative skills together to make like, a very cool artsy game.

Speaking of which… man, Edith’s death stings the most because we got to know her far better than anyone else. And it’s not even the fact that she never got to share her all of her thoughts and creativity with the wider world that makes me the saddest. Getting to the end of the game and hearing just how much she was looking forwards to be with her son - even with all the hardships of being a teen mom, she was really looking forwards to it. To meet him, to share her stories with him. But instead, that worn old diary is the only connection between them...

And that’s like… part of what’s so great about WRoEF’s use of its own format. Like, the faux-interactive linearity of the Narrative Exploration/‘Walking Simulator’ is so perfect for selling this tragedy. The way each Death Flashback only moves forwards based on the actions of the Player, but it always moves on the same unchanging doomed path - really highlights both how stupidly preventable so many of these deaths feel and really make the Player wish there was a way to change them. After all, all they need is for Calvin to not swing so hard, for Gregory’s faucet to not turn back on, for Walter to not stand directly on those train tracks and everything would’ve been fine. But at the same time it’s so, so clear to the Player that this is an impossible wish. There is no other way these sequences can go - these deaths have already been written. The most you can you is linger, all you can do is delay the inevitable.

But it hurts.

#what remains of edith finch #edith finch #wroef #molly finch #barbara finch #calvin finch #walter finch #lewis finch

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evvyyypeters-fics · 1 month

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Intro/ Rules!!!

Hey! Welcome to my blog!

Just a disclaimer that I did have another blog, but that one got deleted on accident because I’m a silly goose so most of my posts in the start are reuploads from that account! (Boosts on reuploads are appreciated if you're seeing this at a recent time.)

Please follow my main account if you want to. Where I post my more personal, opinionated and laid back content.

This account is for my writing. I mainly write fics based around Evan Peters, but I will (rarely) post some more original content or even dip into different fandoms or familiar characters.

My requests are always open unless stated otherwise! Please feel free to send me your ideas and I will try and get to them as quickly as possible! Please make sure to read the rules (below) before sending a request!

Rules for sending a request

(Warning! I am still a student and I also get burnt out really easily, so please expect a week long MINIMUM before recieving your fic request. I will try my hardest to get to all requests, and ASAP, but I will not make promises to anyone. Even mutuals. Please keep in mind my mental health and work schedule, thank you.)

Dos:

Any character portrayed by Evan Peters or Evan himself (Disclaimer: All fics pertaining to Evan himself are NOT accurate depictions of the real-life counterpart/ his character. I will have a warning on those fics that they should only be seen as a fictional/ dramatic/ idealistic version of him and is not meant to substitute as real information or depiction of him.)

Any character from AHS (American Horror Story)

Other fandoms I’m in: MOE (Mare of Easttown), Umbrella Academy, Challengers, OBX, RE (Resident Evil), Pedro Pascal (drool), Heathers, My Life With the Walter Boys (might add more in the future. This isn’t guaranteed, but if you’re interested in me writing for any of these please suggest them to me.)

Smut, fluff, angst, whatever

I’m not picky, anything is fine with me unless it crosses my boundaries (below)

Don’ts (ick):

Scat and vomit fetishes. Absolutely not. Hard no. Not sorry.

Any sort of r4pe or 4ssault/ non-con. I might delve into dub-con but there will still be a basis of consent (like a previous discussion or understanding).

Any sort of incest. That includes step-cest. Absolutely not.

Illegal age gaps or hard age gaps and ageplay. This includes an 18 year old/ barely legal with anyone over 24. My age gaps will always be 20+ if it includes someone the age of 30 or over. I will also not do any sort of ddlg or “littles”. It’s not my forte and I especially won’t do it if you sexualize it.

On the topic of age, all characters (including reader) will be 18+ when it comes to smut or sexual-related fics. I will try to add this warning when it is crucial to specific characters, but please know that all characters that you request smut of that are originally minors WILL be aged up and that will be depicted inside the fic. There is no exceptions to this rule.

MLM, (T)MLM, (T)FLM, etc. are a no for me. As AFAB I only know how to write for the cis-fem experience and while I love my gays and theys, I just don’t feel comfortable in my ability to do gay or trans/ trans-gay relationships justice. I also don’t feel that it’s my place to write for them. On this note, most of my fics will be reader x male character related but that does not mean that I won't write F4F just because that's in my comfort zone and I understand that experience better.

Too specific of reader details. This also goes into what I said above, but I will no write for race or body type specific readers. I am a cis-white averagely sized woman and while I’m a hard ally, I genuinely just don’t believe I can accurately depict those experiences or people so I will always try and keep the reader as blank as possible so that anyone who reads my fics can be in that character’s shoes.

Tangent: Sadly, I don’t write lots of GN fics just because as a writer I DO insert myself into the story because visualization is how I write. So often the reader will be fem and may have more euro-centric features, typically unintentional. If you have a problem with that, I recommend you find another writer to consume/ create your fic ideas or make your own. (Please do, we need more writers in the EP fandom. This is tough work, truly.)

Now that we’re past the hard stuff, here’s some information about me! (Some may have been clarified before, but here’s a clearer run-down.)

Basic Information about me:

You can call me Evie or Evvy!

I go by she/her and they/them

I’m cis-fem and bisexual!

Some of my hobbies:

Writing (obviously)

Reading (duh)

Drawing (check out my main account for some fanart)

Collecting Bear Paraphernalia (figures, mugs, plushies, t-shirts, etc.)

Collecting vintage

Fashion

Some of my favorite musical artists!:

Lana Del Rey

Ethel Cain

Mazzy Star

Boa

The Smiths

Lesley Gore

Queen

Skeeter Davis

Lady Gaga

Deftones

Morrissey

Chappel Roan

Akira Yamaoka (underrated producer IMO)

Many others I will spare you to not list, including VOCALOID artists under this part

My favorite movies/ shows!:

AHS (uhm)

MOE

The Days 2004

Anything by Tim Burton and Jim Henson

My Life With the Walter Boys (cringe I know, but Noah Lalonde is so hot ok pls spare me)

Pearl, Maxxxine, etc

Anything by Sofia Coppola (queen)

The Breakfast Club

Pretty in Pink

Sixteen Candles

Alice in Wonderland (you know which one)

My favorite books:

The Virgin Suicides

Girl, Interrupted

Cuckoo Song

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo series

Nana

Honestly anything by Ai Yazawa

Anything by Clamp

The Stranger

Lolita

My favorite games:

Silent Hill

Resident Evil

American McGees Alice in Wonderland

Siren series

Sims4

Animal Crossing

Anything by Puppet Combo and 616 Games

Hatsune Miku Project Diva and Mirari

My favorite Celebrities:

Evan Peters (no comment.)

Taissa Farmiga

Lily Rabe

Pedro Pascal

Noah Lalonde

Christian Slater

Emma Watson

Lana Del Rey

Lady Gaga

Chappel Roan

Aurora

Things I hate (despise):

Emma Roberts

Julia Roberts

The Roberts

Tumblr creeps

Creeps in general

Bigots

Emma Roberts

Halsey

Incest

Did I mention Emma Roberts?

Emma Snoberts

Thank you so much for reading this yap session of information! Please boost my posts if you’re willing and able, it really helps with reach and gives me motivation to keep writing! I love seeing all of your reactions to my work!

If you wish to contact me, whether about your requests or just to become friends/ mutuals and just chat, please feel free! My door is always open to anyone who wants to have a friendly discussion, or if you want to know more about me!

Masterlist to be added...

Main Account if you didn't see it

Tagging to boost/ mooties/ ahs fans (mainly users I can remember rn cuz my spirit animal is literally Dory from Finding Nemo istg):

@fear-is-truth @jazz-berry @irl-violetharmon @taintandviolent @evanpeterswifeyyy @lemoniiiiiii @t8-ak47

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ancha-aus · 2 months

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With the big news regarding UTMV I want to take a moment to say something.

Fandom is suposed to be a place where you have fun. It is playing wiht fictional characters like they are dolls.

It is fine. It is harmless.

People may not agree with your views/headcanons/or ships and that is fine. As long as everyone is nice to each other and remain chill.

Remember. We are playing with dolls. The dolls don't have any feelings and what you like in art/fiction does not reflect in real life. (because if it did a LOT of action/horror/thriller movies would be forbidden. remember that.)

Now. What to do if someone is mean?

You get anon hate?

Turn off anons. Just turn it off.

"but OP! How will others interact then?"

They make an account. Look. It is NOT your resposibility to cater to others or to make content for them. Fandom is a community. We have fun together. We relax together. We interact and talk together. We aren't making content. we are trying to have fun together!

As soon as someone is being rude/mean/entitled? You report them. After that? You block them and keep yourself safe.

Don't. Feed. The. Troll.

Don't. Feed. The. Hater.

They WANT attention. Nothing you say will get through to them. They will see it as winning because you gave them attention and that is all they want.

It isn't rude to block someone. It is how you keep your online enviroment happy and hate free. It is one of the ways to protect yourself online.

Report the trolls and haters and then Block the Trolls and Haters.

Don't interact with them directly.

Interact with the people who see the fandom for what it is.

A place where we enjoy making things that make us happy and are happy to interact. Let people make what they make and let people play with the dolls they way they like. Keep in mind no character has true feelings and so they can not be hurt. Mind your tags and mind your own space.

It is your own responsibility to keep your fandom experience nice.

Don't engage with tags you don't like but don't spread hate. You can always block tags and put a filter to not see them.

Don't interact with haters or trolls and just block those.

Don't expect others to always agree with what you think or your headcanons. Everyone has a different view on the characters and that is fine.

Stay safe. Be nice. Have fun.

Don't feed the trolls or haters.

#utmv #utdr #Can't believe i need to bring back the old lesson from early internet and fandom #Don't feed the troll #don't feed the hater.#They just want attention #Nothing is better then deleting a long hate message because guess what?#that troll/hater? Is WAITING for you to reply. refreshing the page waiting to see how they got under your skin and hurt you.#Don't give them the satisfaction.#Delete the message (do screenshot to safe as proof if you want to report them)#block the hater/troll #if it is anon turn off anon.#and move on with having fun.#Don't let them ruin the fandom space #Fandom has been around for a long time and EVERY fandom has haters.#Also for those who say how you treat characters reflects on how you treat real people. as if you never messed around with barbie dolls.#Also you would not survive the danny phantom fandom. Just saying. Dissection is the start prompt there lmao #Learn to behave and treat the fandom for what it is. a community of people who love content.

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kaesaaurelia · 10 days

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Some Hero Forge designs for my 3rd Life space colonists AU!

Martyn is the ship's doctor -- a generalist with a lot of emergency experience in situations that you don't get much on populated planets. He's coolheaded in a crisis and good at putting people at their ease even if he's got to use sharp things on them. As long as they like hearing stupid jokes while they're bleeding out, anyway.

Grian is the ship's doctor in that this is one of those science fiction universes where FTL travel is achieved via a pilot controlling the ship through direct neural interface, so the line between the pilot and the ship can get very blurry. It's Grian's job to fix issues that might arise with the interface and with the pilot's neurology, and to protect the pilot's life at all costs.

Scar's the pilot. He's very, very good, but to be successful at this kind of thing you have to be able to put up with your brain giving you sensations that say THIS IS GOING TO HURT THE WHOLE TIME YOU'RE DYING and just lean into them, or you might miss your mark and come out of hyperspace in the middle of a sun. He can be pretty accident-prone planetside, because at this point he's used to ignoring his instinctive sense of self-preservation, and to moving absurdly fast in a low- to no-gravity environment.

Ren's a weird one, because for most of the 3rd Life ensemble I could figure out some kind of specific job they'd be doing as space colonists either aboard ship or when they finally got to the alien planet, but "starts a small business in magic, crowns himself king, and then asks to be ritually slaughtered for the sake of protecting his kingdom" is a real stumper when it comes to career counseling. So I decided to go with what would be the funniest rather than what made the most sense, which is that he's Martyn's house-husband and a relatively popular fantasy author who can't figure out how to finish the last book of his doorstopper fantasy trilogy. Martyn WAS considering dropping all space travel longer than a week or so in order to spend more time at home, but Ren was like "I don't think I can finish this book help" and now he and Martyn are moving to another solar system indefinitely. Who among us has not started something they could not finish and wished to just quietly vacate the planet over it?

(Don't let the cozy domesticity fool you, I will still be putting them through The Horrors™️; these fools are still doomed by the narrative. Space wants nothing more or less than to kill you and reduce your remains to a fine particulate.)

#kaesa op #3rd life #treebark #scarian #martyn inthelittlewood #grian #goodtimeswithscar #rendog #mcyt #life series #hero forge #to be fair I am a wuss so in my head there's probably a way for them to still win #the issue is whether they can pull together and find peace for each other rather than trying to take it for themselves #trafficshipping #this place is a message

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socialjusticeinamerica · 5 months

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*Spoilers in the linked article.*

I caught an early screening last night. It wasn’t well attended. The film is more like a Blumhouse horror movie on steroids than anything you may have conceived ahead of time. It is very dark, gritty, and oppressive. It reminds me of of seeing Platoon and leaving the theater tired as if I had been in the battle.

The film doesn’t really play off of current politics but rather fictional plot lines so as not to offend the current right and left wings in America. Despite this it is an intensely realistic war film and edge of your seat thriller. The main characters are war correspondents and their personal detachment from the frightening scenes of violence, near indifference in some scenes, becomes a subplot.

Civil War depicts the chaos, fear, violence, deprivation, depravity, and sheer terror one can only experience by having been in a war zone. Nick Offerman, as the President, is only in a few brief scenes and though the film stays away from real life connections his character is in his “third term” and has disbanded the FBI. Clearly this is Trumpian but subtle enough to fly over the heads of MAGAts. Rogue militia men, not much different than we see in Red States, armed with AR-15’s are present throughout the film and generate tension and sheer terror at some points. The acts of graphically realistic barbarity are hard to process.

The film is a cautionary tale of an America plunged into an utterly chaotic and brutal Civil War where no prisoners are taken, literally on the screen. There are no good guys or bad guys and very little context or background is given. The closing photo on screen during the end credits speaks volumes. This is not just what is highly likely to happen if the right-wing doesn’t get their way but what the cost will be to society. Chaos, disruption, breakdown in the supply chain, the resulting lack of food and fuel, breakdown of the power grid, collapse of law and order, domestic terrorism, anarchy, devaluation of currency, humanitarian crises, destruction of infrastructure, and a constant state of fear.

Ok, begin rant here:

Sadly about a third of the country wants this to happen and has not only been preparing for it but actually trying to provoke it. In the eighties and nineties we saw hopeless young marginalized people in rural join gangs and be willing to toss their lives away because their situation was near hopeless. They expected to die young and didn’t care if they did or what harm they caused along the way. They lacked educational opportunities or any meaningful employment. Now in the two thousands we see rural southern and western white youth with the same mindset. Red state Republican governance and corporate plundering has left them poorly educated with no chance at socio-economic advancement. The difference between the two groups being that the poor rural whites have been brainwashed into supporting their oppressors. Further they are armed with military assault rifles and own a plethora of combat tactical gear.

This stems in part from the unholy alliance of the NRA and the GOP (Republicans). However more to the point it stems from the desensitization that two decades of forever wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have caused. This was courtesy of grifter war criminals Bush/Cheney. Our streets are now flooded with hundreds of thousands of traumatized, disillusioned, and disgruntled veterans and their tales fascinate MAGAs to the point where they form militias. The Republicans, who vote against veterans aid consistently, have claimed the military and falsely profess admiration for it with empty lip service. Poor and poorly educated Republicans now worship the military like they are warriors on the Klingon home world. Nothing against active or retired military just the Republican pretenders. While Joe MAGA himself doesn’t serve, he feels the need to play pretend soldier and would in a heartbeat turn his life inside out and our nation inside out for a sense of belonging, ie the MAGA cult mentality. They want that post apocalyptic gun slinger world where they believe life is simple as long as you are carrying a gun. They have been conditioned not to think things through and see no other escape from a society that has become too complicated for them to navigate.

That’s the crux of my story, rural Republicans feel hopeless and have been radicalized by demagogues to the point they will wage war on the rest of the country. Republican politicians and their corporate/oligarch masters want to gorge themselves off of a civil war they believe they will win. See the movie Civil War and see what the ordinary MAGAt is hoping to do to the rest of us.

The movie, although brutal and not for the faint of heart, is a cautionary tale that we need to be aware of.

#Civil War movie #Alex garland director #dystopian near future political violence #political violence #civil war

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taranida · 3 months

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AWAN: the sad story of the best boy's life and death

We need to talk about AWAN. It baffles me that part of the community thinks that AWAN’s story somehow is not canon anymore. Well, it is. It is a failed attempt of escaping the Dark Place, yes, Alice and Alan might’ve seen each other only in her dream, but everything depicted there happened to the point we have a physical evidence for it.

So, let’s take a look at it and speculate what happened before, after and during. Because the story in AWAN is pretty straight forward, but many things are quite peculiar if taken together with other games. I will also explore the concept of the story and how it changes reality and touch up on the theory that I wanted to write, but postponed in the light of the Poison Pill Entertainment dropping the Night Springs DLC.

Alright, the most important part I want to talk about: Alan’s, let’s say, ascension level. Because, oh boy, AWAN’s Alan is the most confident, powerful and knowledgeable version of him we ever saw. The only other version that might fight for this place is Alan-on-the-phone (since as of now we have no idea from what point in the story the call was made). If we talking strictly about Alan as Alan, not Alan as Tom Seine — Alan Seine or Tom “665” Wake is a discussion for another time; I’m still brainstorming some parts of this mystery, although I will talk about him as well in the end.

We have several manuscripts in the game that point out that Alan mastered the Dark Place to a degree he never showed before or after. He also remembers and knows when he will forget:

He can peek into the real world, he can and tries to reach out, knowing what he’s doing, not unwillingly haunting Alice or forgetting that he had sent messages to Rose:

He also knows what the Dark Place is and how to survive there, obviously remembering his experience in the DLCs for the first game:

And what one needs to thrive in the Dark Place; how to shape his own fate. Most importantly, he knows what not to do. At least at this point (we all know it went straight into the window in AWII):

One of the most important parts here, Alan doesn’t need anyone to help him fight or sprinkle pages around (or deliver the OoPs), he does everything by himself and he realises, that he’s in control, he’s the creator:

In fact, Alan in AWAN is so powerful, he can and does get out of the Dark Place into an overlap, effectively creating the playground for himself and trapping Mr. Scratch within it:

Yes, yes, it’s written here as if Mr. Scratch set the trap, but let’s not forget when and by whom those manuscript pages were written. In the final loop we even have an in-game confirmation, that now loops are working in Alan’s favour and this is his way to make the story work: the hero must struggle. The whole story of AWAN was finished before Alan set foot into the overlap, he is the creator; all the struggles and set-backs of his are of his own doing. Because, as we well know by now, for Alan the scale must always balance, the story must be believable, everything must be perfect. And the thing is… it’s not perfect for the reality. There is no way the satellite will stay intact after re-entering the atmosphere. Surely not in the condition we see in the game; but Alan probably never bothered to learn about space — therefore this works. The whole story works because as a piece of fiction it is believable for its creator, Alan himself. He would have never believed that he will just jump out of the Dark Place and destroy Mr. Scratch in one flashy shot from his trusty revolver. As he himself puts it in one of the Writer in the Cabin TVs:

“I’ll be bound by the events of the story just as much as anyone else who’s been woven into it. The story must stay true for this to work. There have to be victims along the way, near escapes, cliffhangers. In a horror story it can’t be certain that the hero will succeed or even survive. He almost has to die.”

And he almost does. Or not almost? I strongly believe that in the end of each loop Alan is supposed to die before he’s hurled back in time: just like in the second game. Whenever the outcome is not in Alan’s favour he just loops, it’s not the first nor the last time he will abuse loops to his advantage. And, really, Mr. Scratch does what, according to the manuscript? Just sends Alan back? Why? How is it beneficial in any way? How is this twisted, cruel and unhinged serial killer so nice to just “send Alan back to the beginning of the maze”? He’s not Scratch from the second game, who has some obsessive feelings towards Alan, he’s a true monster, a sadist, one if the darkest beings, basking in violence; he even states his goal and desires pretty clearly: he wants Alan dead and to take his place. So why would he not kill Alan?

Because it was written. It’s not different drafts of the same story we’re going through in AWAN, like we do in AWII’s Initiation, it’s one complete story titled “Return” and it was finished before Alan woke up in Night Springs, every loop was accounted for, everything that happens is set in stone by the power of art and the Dark Place, we even have a manuscript, that confirms it. Before AWAN, while he was writing this story, Alan is not lost or confused, he’s not pushed around by beings in the Dark Place as it happens in the first and second games, he’s prepared and knows exactly what he’s doing with this Return. He does fail to, well, return, but he doesn’t fail in destroying the threat to him, Alice and Barry (literally all the friends Alan has) — something that matters more than escaping. He even manages to save everyone involved in his journey: Emma in the third loop finally survives till Alan leaves the Rest Stop and, as the dialog with Dr. Meadows explains, there is no more story after Alan is gone:

“You know, I just realized that I don’t have any memory of what happens after you leave. What does that mean?” “I don’t think it means anything. If everything goes well, you just keep going. I don’t show up here like this again. No more bad guys. Things go back to normal.”

That’s why Alan can “secure” Emma’s lights and be on his merry way: there will be no one to hurt her after he left. Bad things happen there only because of the story, even the bad things that happened before Alan got into the overlap happened only because of the story.

So, what happened outside the story? What was the truth Alan borrowed and not art becoming truth?

Well, let us talk about Mr. Scratch. I did mention part of what I want to discuss in my previous theory, but I will expand on everything here. Not gonna lie, I was so excited to finally talk about him and point some things out, that as I saw in the community were twisted to fit the narrative of Seine=Scratch, but the Night Springs DLC already confirmed that Tom “665” Seine is, in fact, Alan. I will put a warning nonetheless: I do not believe 665 and Mr. Scratch are the same being, but they might have the same role in the story, I will address some things that make them similar, but this is an in depth look at Mr. Scratch and not at 665. And keep in mind that all those things are manifesting in them, to my belief, for the exact same reason. For all those out there who want to believe that Mr. Scratch is alive, well and will be making a return (no pun intended), I’m with you; I love this twisted bastard, he’s my favourite antagonist, maybe in all the games I had a pleasure to know, he’s goofy and evil, and twisted, and cruel, and charming, and just the right amount of funny and scary, but I don’t believe that 665 is him; and I, sadly, fully believe that Mr. Scratch is completely unalive. If my assumptions will be disproven at some point — so be it, this is, after all, just a theory and theories can be wrong.

With this said, let’s start from the beginning. The beginning of Mr. Scratch, not the beginning of AWAN. Another thing that baffles me is how some people for some unclear for me reason believe that the Bright Presence created him. He didn’t. Why would he? The Bright Presence is quite indifferent to, well, everything, really. He’s also from a different side of the eternal conflict between light and dark, which makes it kinda ridiculous for him to create dark beings or even summon them. As far as we know he’d rather kill Mr. Scratch on the spot than grant him a way out of the Dark Place. So why did Mr. Scratch make an appearance in the first game? And why did the Bright Presence react to him so nonchalantly? For the latter, I would assume, the Bright Presence being a prick — is a reason good enough. Or, putting it properly, not caring about the world or anything, really, enough to act: he’s no human and what little humanity Thomas Zane’s body granted him seems to be tied to Barbara only; he’s not a being we can understand as he cannot really understand us. His whole involvement in Alan’s plight is unwilling, dictated by the story and the story had nothing about the “evil double”.

Why is Mr. Scratch there then? The argument might be made that this is just how the cookie crumbles. In Emil Hartman’s notes from Control’s AWE we learn this bit:

“But, now, like Tom before him, Wake has disappeared into Cauldron Lake. And this is where my work turns... hypothetical. Since he was lost to the Lake, Thomas Zane has been observed by various townspeople. This indicates to me that the individuals within the Lake are not entirely "gone". I anticipate Wake will similarly return one day.”

Could Thomas have his own Mr. Scratch? Is it the way the Dark Place claims artists, spitting out their double to somehow maintain balance? We have few artists who went into the lake, one way or another, but only two of them are known to make an appearance in the real world while being in the Dark Place: Thomas and Alan. Others — Alice, Tor and Odin (Balder?) — as of now don’t have a double or we are not aware of them. Might be because, like with Mr. Scratch, their doubles need more time to manifest properly; as Mr. Scratch himself told us, it takes time:

“At first, I was just an idea. But they kept telling all these stories about you. You already had that rep, and then you disappeared mysteriously… And then… stories about bad, crazy Alan Wake came true. And here I am! That’s the best part, isn’t it, when that happens? You can always count on Cauldron Lake.”

Tor and Odin went into the lake at the very end of AWII, they surely had no time to have their reputation acquire flesh; Alice… pinpointing when exactly Alice made her leap of faith is quite hard. It probably happened somewhere between May and September of 2023, judging by the dates on this e-mail:

In May Barry is yet to learn about Alice’s “death”: either he got the response from her or somewhere between this e-mail and the moment we see the PC he learnt about her “death”. With this “4 months ago” on the e-mail we can calculate, that the PC is stuck in September of 2023, which in and of itself might be the answer, yet I hesitate to take it as a fact; I will return to it. Nonetheless, four months might not be enough for the “idea” to become a full fleshed double, even if we will take the earliest possible date of the plunge, it could be even six months, which still might be not enough. Therefore, we have only Alan and Thomas being blessed with doubles as of now.

There is, however, another way to look at Thomas’ sightings. It might’ve been the Bright Presence itself making an appearance. We know that after the Last Dive both Presences, wearing the skins of Thomas and Barbara, surged up into our world. What happened while they were there we don’t know, but people seeing Thomas might’ve seen the Bright Presence. Yes, it kinda shines like a lamp and wears the diver suit when we see it in the first game, but who is to tell it was always like that? The Dark Presence for sure didn’t look as the old lady at the time, its body was only twenty-five years in 1970. In fact, the Dark Presence was surely looking like Barbara: Cynthia confirms it; Thomas himself was fooled for some time; The Poet and The Muse, too, notes only the darkness in Barbara’s eyes and the change of attire. The Bright Presence might’ve been the “double” people of Bright Falls mistook for Thomas.

This is not how the cookie crumbles then? Let’s run with it, I believe it to be more plausible that there is no exchange between the Dark Place and our world when someone is claimed. The person just goes missing as many Taken did every AWE. So why does Alan have a double? Well, in fact, we don’t really know, but there are few things, pointing that it’s Alan’s own doing.

Allow me to explain. In the second game we see how Alan refuses to let the idea of him having an evil double, who does all the horrendous things, he doesn’t want to take responsibility for, go. He always cries “Scratch”, whatever happens. Even when he shoots Noir-Casey in the alley in the second draft of Initiation, we see a quick flash of Scratch’s jumpscare, as if to say “it was not Alan, it was Scratch!”, when it obviously was Alan — he was in the driver seat firmly enough to hold control, he chose to let Scratch do his dirty work or he did it himself, making an excuse that Scratch took over for a moment. It’s a weak excuse, but this is Alan’s way to cope. We also have Alan’s idea of the balance and consequences: he might’ve not believed that his sacrifice will be enough to save Alice, so he added more just for a good measure — it was not written, as I believe that moment is completely based on dreaming in the Dark Place, but his little treacherous thought of “oh, what if I miscalculated and more must be paid?” could manifest into Mr. Scratch. It further strengthened by Mr. Scratch’s words “at first, I was just an idea”; whose idea he could’ve been if not Alan’s? And there is yet another, for me, the last nail in the coffin: Alan wrote the episode of Night Springs about the Champion of Light and the Herald of Darkness. He might’ve created Mr. Scratch long before the whole Bright Falls ordeal happened. His early works matter: we have AWAN based on his early work, Control based on his early work, the Bright Presence weirdly parallels with the character from Errand Boy story, and something that has nothing at all to do with the Dark Place — Alex Casey, who’s himself not entirely sure if the fiction affected his life or his life affected the fiction. Alan is a strong parautilitarian, after all, his powers might’ve always been connected to his writing (or him being the Master of Many Worlds always was the truth, that needed a vacation in the Dark Place to fully manifest). There is also a chance that he did it retroactively: time is just a point in the story after all and he needed Mr. Scratch for AWAN to happen, even if the attempt to escape was unsuccessful; not like at the time he knew it will turn out this way, and after AWAN, apparently, Alan lost huge chunk of his mastery over the Dark Place and, probably, memory.

I strongly believe, that Alan was the one to summon Mr. Scratch. And everything from here on will be said with this belief (but it doesn’t affect much). Now; we know that Mr. Scratch spent some time as an idea, echo, then he started to taunt Alan, leaving him no other choice than confrontation.

This part, I believe, is the truth: it’s in Mr. Scratch’s character, he loves to toy with his victims, it’s entirely possible that he, indeed, can travel from the Dark Place the our world effortlessly, and he has little understanding of the consequences to his actions or disregards them due to his power: he has an army of Taken by his side and, as he put it:

“I’m a little more resilient that those I’ve Taken.”

And he is. Although we see him flinch at a very strong light hitting him from the window in one of the TV’s, he’s quite comfortable in the room with at least two lamps and holds up pretty well in the light of a huge movie projector (well, while it’s just a light); he can also disappear into thin air, in fact there is no “boss battle” with him, he never gives Alan even a chance to attack. For our average law enforcement, he’s invincible, FBC would be able to contain him, probably, with the cell that Scratch broke in the second game, but Mr. Scratch doesn’t know about FBC. As well as he doesn’t know about the extent of Alan’s powers. Therefore, he couldn’t care less about the feelings of the trapped writer whose face he stole. Or anyone’s feelings for that matter. His whole thing is — he enjoys the sufferings he brings. This manuscript, I believe is the truth as well:

But then the story comes in. Those manuscripts, I believe, is Alan expanding Mr. Scratch to fit him into the role of the Herald of Darkness:

Because what Herald of Darkness Mr. Scratch would make if he wouldn’t be, you know, heralding the darkness. If he was left to his own devices, he would just take over Alan’s life, corrupt it and keep killing other people. Tragic, of course, but not something that fits into the grandiose narrative of the episode of Night Springs where the stakes are much, much higher. For Alan to take the role of the Champion of Light, there must be something light needs a champion for. Basically, Alan makes it about light versus darkness, good versus evil, chaos versus order and raises the stakes for his plan to work. And, as always, the writing makes new truths: now Mr. Scratch is set to bring his pals into our world and if not for Alan, we all would be suffering under their rule of terror. As the narrator says:

“The fate of countless individuals hangs in the balance, threatened by the machinations of the herald of darkness.”

But everything there should be taken with a pinch of salt: Alan Is the most unreliable and most reliable narrator at the same time. Mr. Scratch might’ve been a minion of another being; or he might’ve been a Dark Presence as well as the one that wore Barbara’s face, free to act on his own and seizing the opportunity. Truth here is — we have no way of knowing what he is; Alan doesn’t know it, but Alan can make anyone into almost anything if he’s able to believe in it.

What about everything Mr. Scratch does, that we see in the game? Well, that’s already a part of the story. Alan wrote at least some of the TVs, as this manuscript hints:

It might, however, been based on the memories of what Mr. Scratch told Alan about his adventures in our world, or it was for the drama, it matters little: it is true to the character and the killings are in his nature.

What is totally not the truth borrowed — the day before Alan arrived, because Mr. Scratch’s actions serve as a bread-crumb road. The party leads to the dinner, the keys there — to the hotel, the murder in the hotel leads to the Observatory, threatened and scared Dr. Meadows and the signal lead to the Drive-In Theatre. Everything Mr. Scratch did before Alan made whatever town in Arizona into an overlap and called it Night Springs, was to make a map for Alan to follow. And the three women we encounter have all been in close contact with Mr. Scratch only to have a justification for them to remember the previous loop:

I will return to this, since this is the part where AWAN goes against the other games.

So, let’s finally talk about the iconic suit, ring and dance, shall we? Well, there is not much to say, really; all of those are Alan’s. Mr. Scratch even makes a point in one of the TVs about how much there is of Alan in him:

“I’m not just wearing your face, you know. It goes a lot deeper than that. There’s a lot of you in me. All the best parts. […] I’m just as real as you are. And I’m the improved version. No fears. No doubt. No weaknesses. No self-deception here. I don’t let anything drag me down. I know you like I know myself. I know it bothers you that I’m like this, that I use your name and crawl my way into your life. But I only do it because… I’m better at being you than you ever were!”

Let’s not get into “the best parts” and Mr. Scratch’s understanding of them, but the thing is — he is Alan in every way, just cranked up to 11 and a bit of a serial killer, with nothing to stop him from doing what he wants. Plus a little of group-think. The point is — the base is pure Alan minus all doubts, fears, self-deception and ability to reflect on the actions. Even the violent tendencies are from Alan — as we well know from his history of attacking paparazzi and having the “rep” in the first place. Mr. Scratch even inherited the affections from Alan. Maybe not to the full extent, but those feelings are so strong, even the nature of the dark entity couldn’t fully get rid of them. About Alice he says:

“She’s really beautiful, isn’t she, your wife? Well, our wife, really. Just my wife soon. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna treat her like the others. She’s special. If I wanted her dead, she would be. I’ve been around for a while, now. So talented. You haven’t seen her new work, of course. It takes my breath away. Really, she’s that good. Did you know that I’ve got a wedding ring too? We’re that similar.” “Everything else — doing my thing, getting a bit of quality time with Alice… that’s a little something for me.”

One of his goals, he can’t shut up about, is literally to be with Alice. And were he to do so, I wouldn’t be so sure he would kill her as he promises. With Alan being so fixated on keeping Alice safe, Mr. Scratch might’ve ended up on the same thing. Because there is so much Alan in him. So much, actually; even with all the whining about Barry, he admits to liking him as well:

“Aw, I actually kind of like the guy. He’s a plucky little butterball. He plays the clown, that’s a hard road to take.”

So, the ring is Alan’s, the suit is as well Alan’s:

Alan literally wears it in Alice’s movie. With all that we can assume that the dance is also Alan’s. Mr. Scratch doesn’t have his own moves, really; whatever he was before the end of the first game was almost lost. I would bet that the Taken he creates are also very much influenced by Alan’s psyche: his worst fears, his ideas, his experiences. The Splitter is Alan’s understanding that a Taken might be easily defeated with a light and some amount of bullets, but there’s strength in numbers; the Spectre is him being traumatised by the unkindness of raves; the Giant is explained to be borrowed from pulp fiction; the Grenadier is uno-reverse of the chapter from the first game where all Alan had is flashbangs and they worked miracles. Or, of course, our boy Mr. Scratch might have much better imagination, thanks to the connection to Alan; the Dark Presence, becoming Scratch, even managed to write a book because of the same reason. But whatever of these two explanations you like the best, all roads lead to Alan. Not to mention that the manuscripts explaining the diverse Taken were written before Alan even saw them.

I will finish this part on the sad note. Mr. Scratch is dead. He was unalived by Alice’s movie, literally spoiling the ending of the Final Draft. Alice’s love is the piece of the puzzle that Alan needs to destroy Mr. Scratch as well as Scratch. And in both cases it was written, even if Alan himself didn’t understand to full extent of how important Alice’s involvement is or that she was involved at all. Balance Slays the Demon is exactly what we have going on in both endings. But the death of Mr. Scratch is quite telling: he dies in a similar way to how the Taken of this “generation” die: we see the same circle of light on him, that we see every time we burn away the shield, then he dissipates in bright sparks. Much more bright sparks, of course, giving us the clue that he’s in fact, not the average Taken. He is a dark being, he’s not easy to kill even with light and love, he doesn’t just poofs into sparks, he fights till the very last moment. But, alas, in the end he is no more. And I don’t see the way for him to return, although I would love to see more of him.

There are more things about AWAN that I find interesting. The radio is one of them. Each loop we get a different show: first with Barry and the boys of OGoA, second is Eddie Rodman reflecting on how this is one of those nights, when he forgets how long it’s been, and turns into the narrator of Night Springs for a monologue, the last loop gives us a chance to hear the interview with Alice and Serena. The chronological order of the two interviews is given to use for free: Eddie says that he interviewed Barry and the boys before Alice and Serena. We also know that none of them might be in the studio with Eddie the same night Alan is looping: Serena is at the Drive-In theatre that night (and their interview was done at morning anyway) and Barry is in his room as the game starts with him sleeping and ends with him waking up. So, what’s the deal with all those shows then? Well, this has to do with the manuscript of Alan catching radio signals that can pierce the veil between worlds and him wanting to hear his two closest people. The only show that happens the same night is the one where Eddie is talking about how he feels he might’ve been in the studio forever and asks for calls. Therefore, we have the monologue with the Night Springs narrator’s voice there. Eddie was never in the close contact with the forces of the Dark Place, for him the night is just weird, but, you know, not extremely weird; we all have had nights and days like this, when they drag and drag and seem to never end. But for Alan in his loops the radio is a chance to hear how Barry and Alice are doing.

Speaking about Alice. We all know that this version of Return doesn’t work and Alan doesn’t get out of the Dark Place, no matter how he’s sure that he will (he claims that he will deny everything to Dr. Meadows if she were to make this experience public and encourages Serena to find him after all this is over so he could help her with the aftereffects of the close contact with Mr. Scratch), but we have a “movie date”. An overlap in the overlap. I would assume that Alice had a nice dream about Alan and Alan got his little moment of happiness with her. All this taking place before he was pulled back into the Dark Place. And I will talk about this as well later.

So, what about Emma, Rachel and Serena? I believe they remember. Obviously, Emma and Rachel are coping somehow: Emma got the confirmation that there are forces in this world we cannot understand, but she already believed in something like that anyway; Dr. Meadows is probably quite excitedly trying to solve that mystery. But Serena is in a peculiar situation: she saw her friend’s presumably dead husband. Nothing in AWII even hints that she shared this with Alice at the time. Alice herself learnt about the truth of what happened in Bright Falls only in 2017, after the haunting started and she visited the Oldest House. I assume that Serena never told Alice about what happened. I’m yet uncertain about the last recording of Alice’s, where we see the last photographs of hers, but if that happened in the real world, then there is no better candidate to edit all this into the video we see, than Serena. Because we have no newspapers about Alice’s death in the same place her husband died, which would blow up — they are both famous and both died the same way; even the FBI agents that head to Bright Falls are unaware of Alice’s fate. In the real world the circumstances of Alice’s “death” must be hidden: from the public eye and from the authorities as well. The only person that would understand that is Serena, who went through the loops of AWAN. Or this last video was created in the Dark Place and somewhere there, in the area of Cauldron Lake the lone camera still stands on the tripod. It also goes to the question of “when exactly Alice jumped”, since we see no indication that it’s known she’s dead and the PC is stuck in September, it might be that she arrived in Bright Falls not long before the beginning of the second game and everything that happens in Parliament Tower past the second draft of Initiation happens only in the Dark Place. Just food for thought.

Now, let’s talk about the story and the implications. Especially this manuscript:

This goes into direct contradiction with the first and the second game. Both are loops which Alan manages to forget, being in the closest contact with the powers that can shift reality — he’s literally the one doing the shifts. And there’s no such a thing as immunity to the story if the story demands it, even Anderson’s famous “immunity” is disproven in the second game in front of our eyes. I’ll talk about it in another theory. Yes, we have Cynthia, who remembers even in the second game that Thomas Zane was a poet, but she doesn’t remember the loops: none of them, actually: not from the first game nor from the second game. No one who’s in the story remembers the loops, yet they are the reality changed, and here we have Alan establishing that, securing himself three allies. Does that mean that this manuscript shaped reality in the way that from the moment of AWAN everyone, touched by the powers, will remember? Nope. The thing is: this Return is a finished story and everything in it, considering that it fails to end as Alan wanted it to end, stays in the story. Emma, Rachel and Serena will remember the events of AWAN, but rewrite reality in front of their eyes, they will have nothing to remember about the newest changes. Everything established in this Return works only in this Return; after the story ended with Mr. Scratch’s death, there is no Night Springs, Arizona anymore, there is no such a thing as “awareness of the changes” if the conditions are met, there are no giant spiders, no Taken, maybe even no more thinned reality, that might’ve been there in the first place only because of (Alan’s writing) visiting Old Gods of Asgard, Barry and Alice, whose presence can cause the thinning:

The story ended and the rules established for it to end ended with it. New rules are established in the second game and the story follows them, people who are in the story act accordingly and remember what the story needs them to remember.

That’s not to say that AWAN never happened at all. It did. We have this pretty thing Alice wears in the second game:

Which is certainly from AWAN:

It might even be her attempt to show Alan, before revealing her plunge into the lake, that she remembers, that she knows what really happened; the picture he needs to see. The deer balloon is a further hint and the “horror of caring” is a message too.

We have Writer’s Journey videos where Alan wears the outfit from AWAN, that he clads himself in for comfort. We don’t have Mr. Scratch in the second game, instead we have Scratch (in the loving memory, I insist). All in all, the AWAN story did happen, it just didn’t end as well as it was designed to: Alan didn’t escape.

In fact, it is my belief that everything got worse for Alan when he was slammed back into the Dark Place. He already wrote that getting out in the overlap will be hard, being dragged back, probably, was even worse. You see, in This House of Dreams that certainly takes place after AWAN judging by what he fill the shoebox with, Alan doesn’t do well at all. I have an explanation about which poems are whose — here. The sheer fact that Alan pretends to be Tom Zane screams of him going mad; not like it’s the first or the last time, but I believe, this was the point of desperation great enough for him to write something that might’ve caused 665 to be manifested. The whole theory on 665 is still in the works, but I think AWAN was the blow that started this. He gets back, crashed by the fail (yet another one or the first one), he goes crazy, writing poems and assuming the role of Tom Zane, who helped him in the first game, as a way to cope and then he writes something to summon him. But he doesn’t know that “Zane” he encountered is the Bright Presence. And here’s the deal with art in the Dark Place: when art goes against art, nothing good comes out of it. We can see it with the poster of a movie from 60’s that is based on a novel by a man who will not be born for a bit less than a decade. But the Dark Place accommodates and thus we have 665, an aspect of Alan, who is surely set to be his own man and get the hell out of the Dark Place no matter the cost. 665 is a sinister being and much more dangerous than Scratch and he, I believe, is about to fill the role of the late Mr. Scratch. The true evil double, who’s much more capable of stealing Alan’s life and identity, who’s already shown he can and is willing to manipulate Alan to achieve his goals, and who can pretend to be on Alan’s side.

And his beautiful face in his leather and lace Oh, can't you see the play he's staging?

#alan wake #alan wake 2 #alan wake game #alan wake ii #rcu theory #remedy connected universe #remedy entertainment #remedy games #alan wake's american nightmare #mr scratch #mr. scratch #alice wake #night springs #awan #tom seine #665 #thomas seine

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moldycigarette · 3 days

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alright so i know this isn’t like my normal posts but a lot of people on this platform struggle with writers block, including me, and i wanted to give some prompts that could help! you don’t have to use these and can adjust them however you’d like, these are just ideas!

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Fiction & Creative Writing

1. a character wakes up in a world where everyone communicates through music.

2. a mysterious book appears on your doorstep, but its contents change every time you read it.

3. write about a time traveler who is stuck in the past and can only communicate through dreams.

4. a detective who solves crimes using supernatural powers realizes they’ve met their match.

5. a ghost is trying to prevent the person who killed them from dying.

6. a famous artist is haunted by a subject they’ve painted who comes to life.

7. your character is the sole survivor of an apocalyptic event, but soon realizes they're not alone.

8. a town where no one is allowed to speak after sunset, and no one knows why.

9. an inventor creates a machine that allows them to experience alternate versions of their life.

10. a person discovers their reflection in the mirror has its own consciousness.

Fantasy

11. a magical library appears only at midnight to those who need it.

12. in a world where dragons are extinct, your character finds a dragon egg.

13. your character inherits a mysterious key with no lock and begins a quest to find out what it opens.

14. write about a warrior who is bound by a curse to protect the very thing they want to destroy.

15. a forest that grows whenever someone tells a lie.

16. your protagonist discovers they are the reincarnation of a legendary hero, but with none of the hero’s abilities.

17. an ancient prophecy foretells that your character will either save the world or destroy it.

18. write about a society where magic is powered by emotions.

19. a kingdom built on clouds is in danger of falling to the earth.

20. a witch casts a spell that backfires, turning her into a child and her familiar into her guardian.

Science Fiction

21. a spaceship is sent to explore a distant planet, but the crew starts aging in reverse.

22. an AI designed to assist humanity begins developing emotions.

23. humanity’s last hope for survival is a space station, but something—or someone—inside it doesn’t want them to survive.

24. a society where everyone’s lifespan is determined at birth by an implanted chip.

25. your character discovers an alien artifact that changes their perception of reality.

26. a scientist creates a device that can predict the future, but only five minutes ahead.

27. the world’s oceans have disappeared, and underwater civilizations are revealed.

28. in the future, people can purchase memories and experiences—but at what cost?

29. a human and a robot must work together to survive on a hostile alien planet.

30. a colony on mars finds an ancient alien structure buried beneath the surface.

Romance

31. two rivals are forced to work together and uncover feelings neither expected.

32. your character accidentally texts a stranger and starts an unexpected relationship.

33. a love story set in a small town where everyone seems to know your character’s secrets.

34. two people from different timelines fall in love through letters that mysteriously appear.

35. your character is engaged but starts to question everything when they meet someone new.

36. write about a romance that blossoms during a road trip across the country.

37. your character returns to their hometown and reconnects with a childhood friend who has changed in unexpected ways.

38. a relationship between a human and a shapeshifter who struggles with their dual identity.

39. a character falls in love with someone from their dreams, only to meet them in real life.

40. your protagonist is a famous actor who falls for someone who has no idea who they are.

Horror

41. a family moves into a house where no one can leave after nightfall.

42. a seemingly ordinary object starts bringing terrible luck to everyone who touches it.

43. a town where no one remembers the year 1999, but your character discovers they lived there during that time.

44. your character is being watched by something in the shadows, but no one else can see it.

45. a child starts drawing pictures of places they’ve never been, but those places exist.

46. a group of friends find an old VHS tape, but every time they watch it, the events change.

47. your character wakes up in a hospital with no memory of how they got there and discovers they’re not alone.

48. a haunting occurs only when your character speaks a specific word they can’t remember saying.

49. write a story about a character who realizes they’ve been dead for years, but no one else knows.

50. a creepy doll your character threw away keeps reappearing in their home.

Historical Fiction

51. write about a soldier who returns home after a war to find their village completely changed.

52. a story set in ancient rome, where a slave and a senator form an unlikely alliance.

53. during the salem witch trials, a character must prove their innocence while hiding a dangerous secret.

54. set your story during the french revolution, with two characters on opposite sides of the conflict.

55. write about a young woman navigating life in the 1920s, struggling between traditional roles and modern aspirations.

56. your character is a spy during WWII, but their mission is compromised.

57. a historical figure falls in love with someone who wasn’t meant to exist in their time.

58. a doctor in the victorian era discovers a breakthrough that could change medicine forever, but at a high cost.

59. write a story set on the titanic, focusing on passengers from third class.

60. a knight and a scholar form an unlikely partnership to solve a mystery in medieval england.

Thriller & Mystery

61. your character receives a letter from a friend they thought had died years ago.

62. a private investigator uncovers a conspiracy that links seemingly unrelated crimes.

63. your protagonist’s sibling goes missing, but as they search, they uncover secrets about their family.

64. a heist goes wrong, and now your character is on the run from both the law and their partners.

65. write about a detective who must solve a crime, but they themselves are the prime suspect.

66. a series of disappearances in a small town are all connected by a single photograph.

67. your character is trapped in a game where their every move is being watched, but the rules are unclear.

68. a journalist uncovers evidence of a crime that happened decades ago, but someone wants to keep it buried.

69. a locked-room mystery where the murder weapon has vanished without a trace.

70. your character witnesses a crime but is unsure whether it was real or imagined.

Dystopian & Post-Apocalyptic

71. after the collapse of society, your character stumbles upon a group that claims they can rebuild the world.

72. in a future society, books are banned, and your character is part of the underground effort to preserve them.

73. your protagonist lives in a world where all forms of art are illegal, and they are secretly a painter.

74. a virus has wiped out most of humanity, and your character is immune—but they’re hiding that fact.

75. the government monitors everyone’s emotions through implants, but your character is beginning to feel something new.

76. in a world where water is the most valuable resource, your character uncovers a hidden freshwater spring.

77. a character is chosen to participate in a deadly competition, but they have no idea why they were selected.

78. the sky has turned permanently red, and no one knows why—but your character is determined to find out.

79. society is divided into castes based on intelligence, and your character is faking their way to the top.

80. in a future where memories can be bought and sold, your character is tasked with recovering a stolen one.

Literary Fiction

81. a character returns to their hometown for the first time in years and must confront their past.

82. your protagonist faces a moral dilemma that could change the course of their life.

83. write about a friendship that slowly unravels over the course of a year.

84. a character grapples with the realization that they are more like their parents than they ever wanted to admit.

85. a story about an ordinary day that takes an extraordinary turn.

86. your protagonist is an artist struggling with creative block, but an unexpected encounter changes everything.

87. a character is given a choice between two life-changing opportunities, but both have major consequences.

88. write about a family gathering where long-held secrets come to the surface.

89. a story about forgiveness, where a character must come to terms with a betrayal from the past.

90. your character navigates life in a big city while feeling completely disconnected from those around them.

Memoir & Personal Reflection

91. write about a time you felt completely out of your comfort zone.

92. describe a moment when you realized you were stronger than you thought.

93. what is a memory that you revisit often, and why does it stay with you?

94. reflect on a relationship that changed your life, for better or worse.

95. write about a place that holds special significance to you and why.

96. describe a moment when you had to make a difficult choice and what you learned from it.

97. write about an event in your childhood that shaped who you are today.

98. reflect on a time when you felt misunderstood and how it impacted you.

99. write about a dream you’ve had that you can’t seem to forget.

100. reflect on a moment of failure and what it taught you about resilience.

Romance x Mystery

1. a couple moves into a new home only to discover love letters hidden in the walls, all addressed to someone who lived there decades ago. they set out to uncover the fate of the mysterious lovers.

2. your character is a private investigator hired to follow someone’s spouse suspected of cheating. along the way, they start falling for the person they’re spying on—but discover something far more dangerous than infidelity.

3. two strangers meet on a train, both running from their pasts. they quickly fall for each other, but one of them is hiding a dangerous secret that could destroy their new connection.

4. a detective is assigned to protect a key witness, who turns out to be their ex. as they work together to solve the case, old feelings resurface, but so do the reasons they broke up.

5. your protagonist receives a love letter from a secret admirer—except it’s from someone they thought had died years ago. the search for answers leads them deeper into a web of lies and hidden passions.

6. a journalist meets a charming stranger while investigating a string of disappearances. as they grow closer, she begins to suspect the person she’s falling for may be involved in the case.

7. two former lovers reunite when a mutual friend goes missing. as they investigate, they discover that not only is their friend in danger, but someone is trying to keep them apart.

8. your character finds an old photograph of a couple at a flea market and becomes obsessed with finding out who they were. along the way, they meet someone who helps them uncover the mystery, sparking a romance.

9. a billionaire hires your character to solve the mystery of a missing family heirloom, and they quickly fall for the billionaire’s aloof but alluring sibling, who may know more about the theft than they’re letting on.

10. your protagonist is a novelist who starts receiving anonymous love letters that mimic the plot of their latest mystery book—except the events in the letters begin happening in real life.

11. two people inherit an old mansion, discovering a series of love letters that reveal a tragic romance tied to a long-unsolved crime. as they investigate, they find themselves falling for each other.

12. a couple's relationship is tested when one of them starts receiving cryptic, romantic messages from an unknown sender. the deeper they dig into the messages, the more dangerous the situation becomes.

13. your character's spouse disappears, leaving behind a single cryptic note and no trace. as they unravel the mystery, they uncover shocking secrets about the person they thought they knew—and question whether they should trust their love.

14. a woman finds a diary in a forgotten room of her partner's house, filled with entries that seem to predict the future—including their blossoming romance and an unsolved murder.

15. two rival art thieves fall in love while hunting for a legendary painting, but as they get closer to the truth, they discover one of them is keeping a dangerous secret.

16. a wedding is interrupted by the arrival of a mysterious stranger who claims to know the groom’s deepest secret. as the bride searches for the truth, she finds herself questioning the person she’s about to marry.

17. your character starts dating someone new, only to realize their new partner is connected to an unsolved crime from years ago. as they grow closer, they must decide whether to confront them or live with the suspicion.

18. a character receives an anonymous invitation to a masquerade ball, where they meet someone they feel an instant connection with. after the night ends, they’re left with only a cryptic clue to the person’s identity—and a growing sense of danger.

19. two amateur detectives fall for each other while solving a case, but the deeper they get into the mystery, the more they realize their pasts are dangerously intertwined.

20. your protagonist's ex goes missing, and as they investigate the disappearance, they begin receiving love letters and cryptic clues that suggest the ex may still be in love with them—or is leading them into a deadly trap.

21. an online dating match leads to a whirlwind romance, but when your protagonist tries to learn more about their new love interest, they realize the person’s entire identity might be a fabrication.

22. a librarian and a mysterious stranger team up to investigate an old family mystery involving forbidden love. as they unravel the clues, they find themselves drawn to each other, despite the growing danger.

23. a woman starts receiving flowers from a secret admirer, but each bouquet contains a puzzle piece that, when put together, reveals a decades-old mystery involving her own family.

24. two people reconnect at a high school reunion, but one of them is hiding their involvement in the disappearance of a mutual friend years ago. as old feelings resurface, so do dark secrets.

25. a detective falls in love with a suspect in a high-profile art theft. as they try to clear the suspect's name, they begin to question whether they’re being manipulated.

26. your character starts dating a brilliant scientist, only to discover that the scientist’s previous partner vanished under mysterious circumstances. the deeper they dig, the more dangerous their relationship becomes.

27. a couple’s honeymoon is interrupted when they find a hidden message in their hotel room, leading them to uncover a mystery involving a missing person.

28. your character falls for a charming stranger while on vacation, only to find out that the stranger is under investigation for a crime they may or may not have committed.

29. a letter from a long-lost love arrives, telling your character to meet them at a specific place. when they arrive, they find a murder scene and a trail of clues leading them to question everything about their past relationship.

30. your protagonist discovers their new partner is being stalked by someone who knows intimate details about their life. together, they must uncover the stalker’s identity before it's too late.

Romance x Science Fiction

1. after a nuclear apocalypse, two survivors meet while scavenging for supplies. they fall for each other, but one holds a secret that could jeopardize their relationship—and their survival.

2. a deadly virus wipes out most of humanity, and your character is immune. when they meet another immune survivor, they struggle between opening their heart and staying emotionally distant for survival’s sake.

3. a comet is heading towards earth, and society collapses in the face of the impending disaster. your protagonist falls in love with someone they meet in a survival bunker, but time is running out.

4. the world is overrun by zombies, and two people from rival survivor groups find themselves trapped together. as they fight to survive, their initial distrust turns into an unexpected romance.

5. an alien invasion destroys civilization, leaving two humans as the last survivors in a city. they rely on each other for survival, but the closer they get, the more they worry about what will happen if one of them doesn’t make it.

6. the sun is dying, and a scientist is working on a solution to save the world. as they work against the clock, they fall for their assistant, who is secretly planning to escape to a hidden underground colony.

7. after the collapse of technology, two people living in a primitive society discover old-world relics that hint at a more advanced way of life. as they journey to find answers, they grow closer, even as danger looms.

8. in a world where oxygen is scarce, two people fall in love while competing for a limited supply of clean air. they must decide whether to share their resources or save themselves at the expense of the other.

9. a solar flare wipes out all electronics, plunging the world into chaos. two strangers meet in the aftermath and fall for each other while trying to build a new life in a world without technology.

10. a giant earthquake destroys most cities, and a woman is trapped in a remote cabin with a stranger. as they rely on each other for survival, they discover a deep emotional connection.

11. a group of survivors hides from relentless storms that have devastated the earth. two people find solace in each other while living in an underground bunker, but when they run out of supplies, their bond is tested.

12. the earth is slowly freezing over and two people stranded in an arctic research station fall in love. they must choose whether to stay together in their isolated world or attempt the dangerous journey to warmer lands.

13. in a dystopian future where water is scarce, a water hunter and a desert nomad fall in love while on a dangerous quest to find the last freshwater source. their romance grows even as they realize they may not both survive the journey.

14. a plague wipes out most of the population, and two survivors from different backgrounds must navigate the ruins of civilization. as they work together to stay alive, they find love in the most unexpected circumstances.

15. humanity flees earth to live in space stations, and your character is separated from their partner. as they try to reunite, they must survive the dangers of space travel and the political intrigue aboard the stations.

16. the world is invaded by hostile robots, and two people from opposing resistance factions are forced to work together. they fall for each other despite the growing tension between their groups.

17. a mysterious fog covers the earth and people begin disappearing. two survivors fall in love while trying to unravel the mystery of the fog, knowing they could be taken at any moment.

18. a solar flare has caused mass blindness, and two sighted survivors meet while helping guide the blind to safety. as they fall in love, they must decide whether to reveal the truth about their abilities.

19. the seas have risen, and the last remnants of humanity live on floating cities. two engineers from rival factions fall in love while working on a project that could determine the future of their people.

20. after the apocalypse, a group of survivors rebuilds a small community, but food is running low. two members of the group fall in love, but their relationship is put to the test when one of them is chosen to leave on a dangerous supply mission.

21. a solar storm wipes out communication satellites, and a long-distance couple is separated. as the world descends into chaos, they struggle to reunite, facing dangers and new relationships along the way.

22. a mysterious virus kills anyone over the age of 30, and two young survivors fall in love in a world ruled by teenagers. as they grow older, they must come to terms with their inevitable fate.

23. after a global blackout, two people living in a fully automated city must learn how to survive without modern conveniences. their romance blossoms as they work together to find food, water, and a sense of purpose in the ruins.

24. a volcanic eruption covers the earth in ash, and a scientist and a firefighter trapped in a rescue bunker fall in love. as they wait for the skies to clear, they must decide whether to stay together or return to their previous lives.

25. in a world where the air is toxic, two survivors live in protective suits, communicating only through radios. as they fall in love without ever seeing each other’s faces, they must decide whether to risk exposure for a chance at real connection.

26. the oceans have dried up, and a sailor and a scientist searching for answers fall in love in a world of endless deserts. as they race to find a solution, they must confront the possibility that it may be too late.

27. a supervolcano has erupted, and two people living in different cities are connected through a ham radio. as they fall for each other over the airwaves, they must decide whether to risk their lives to meet in person.

28. a worldwide famine has left food scarce, and two strangers form a bond while scavenging in the wilderness. their romance blooms, but they must decide whether to keep their relationship or join larger, more dangerous groups for survival.

29. the stars begin to disappear, and two astronomers fall in love while trying to solve the mystery. as the universe itself seems to collapse, their relationship becomes their only anchor.

30. in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, two bounty hunters are after the same target. as they compete—and eventually team up—they fall for each other, even as their dangerous line of work threatens to tear them apart.

—————

i hope these helped! if you have specific genre suggestions just let me know in my inbox and i can give ideas!!

likes, comments, reposts, and submissions to my inbox are always appreciated.

☻ kenai

#writeblr #fanfic #ao3 #fic writing #we're past the point of conversation #concept design #crazy? i was crazy once #anons welcome #mwah <3 #i feel like im going insane #sonic the hedgehog #i don’t know why i put a sonic the hedgehog tag on this post but it felt fitting #writing #writers on tumblr #writers and poets #writerscommunity #ao3 writer #writblr

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