#I was also trying to debate if I should make this post mature or not but everyone's seen the meme before so yeah–

[sxilor-1010]

It's late, I should be asleep, but instead have a crappy meme I made with one of my recent self ships.

[starbylers]

After spending some time listening and re-listening and thinking a lot, I think I finally have my head wrapped around all these songs. This post is an exploration of what they could tell us about Mike’s story, and also a sort of theory I noticed once I saw the full picture. This playlist is—in my opinion—the story we’ve been theorising for the past two years reflected in 12 songs. That might sound hyperbolic but it’s simply what I heard and interpreted, and wanted to share because I enjoyed writing it. I hope this is an interesting read!

If you didn’t see my last post about why I do believe this is Finn’s Mike/ST playlist despite the somewhat ambiguous title you can read that here. It’s totally okay if you disagree but I’m not interested in debating it, and this analysis is coming from a perspective of assuming we've guessed correctly that the playlist relates to ST (obviously we can't 1000% verify that, but for the purposes of this post that’s my stance).

I’m going to focus on themes and overall meanings in the songs because in my opinion that’s where any connections are going to lie, rather than specific lines holding anything important (aside from a few which I’ll highlight) because I feel like that’s closest to how Finn would’ve thought while making it. Basically a macro level representation of Mike and what he goes through next season, something that would help a person get into the headspace of a character. Oh and my larger point is about the playlist as a whole, which will come together at the end :)

➠ Track 1 | Ballad of the Texas King

The first song is an anomaly in that I think it’s meant to set the tone more than anything else. These explain better than I could hope to:

"Itʼs a murder ballad, and as is common in murder ballads, deals with promise and innocence being snuffed out.” [link]

"Clarke sings of a chance encounter with an ominous figure that feels akin to selling your soul at the crossroads" [link]

Hey kid come along, something is wrong, I believe you now / All this to say only one way that this can go / Come with us for a ride / Don’t it feel like hell? Boy let me tell you, that’s where you are

• • •

A nice little coincidence, Finn himself is quoted as saying season 5 is a “crossroads”. I can see this song being an allusion to inevitable big choices with life-altering consequences next season, and also more mature themes being tackled within Mike’s story. I mean he’s stepping back into his role as leader, and now they’re older that will come with a lot more weight and responsibility in situations where the fate of the world is likely hanging in the balance. Not to mention how his personal struggles will be tied up in that, it’s probable that a slightly darker, more self-reflective—and transformative—tone is waiting for us in regards to season 5 Mike.

➠ Track 2 | What You're Doing

A simple song about a turbulent relationship where one person is unhappy because their partner is messing them around, and they're pleading with them to stop.

Look what you’re doing, I'm feeling blue and lonely / You got me running and there's no fun in it / Please stop your lying, you've got me crying, girl

The partner is the one holding control in the situation, while they feel at the mercy of their partner’s careless choices. The mood here is one of helplessness and desperation while still remaining open-hearted, hoping they’ll change.

I've been waiting here for you wondering what you're gonna do / If you should need a love that's true it’s me / Why should it be so much to ask of you what you're doing to me?

• • •

This is heavily M!Ieven coded. What do we know about their dynamic? Mike is always the one chasing El (trying to “win her back” in s3, terrified of her not needing him in s4, stressing about her being in danger all the time). El is consistently seeking autonomy (choosing to learn about her identity over pursuing romance with him in s2, choosing to break up with him in s3, choosing to leave him behind in s4, and I’m willing to bet she’s the one who removes herself from his storyline in s5). We know their separation will happen early season, and naturally things between them must be unstable leading up to this. El being the one to pull away while Mike stresses over it checks out considering these past patterns, and also the end of s4 with her already closing herself off while Mike appears at a loss.

➠ Track 3 | After The Earthquake

A song reminiscing on a relationship and the failure and death of it, with a sense of lingering nostalgia and unwillingness to let it go. It’s set to the backdrop of a metaphorical car crash.

It wasn't built to last / If you wake up you’ll remember the awful things I said / Looking back to the vibrant days / Those days I'd never let you fall apart but things fade / Why would I ever fall in love again when every detail’s over the guard rail? / Velvet curtains drawn, flowers at your feet / Say you’ll climb your way out of your wake now / Are you awake now?

• • •

In simpler terms…this is a break up song. The longing tone makes sense to me for M!Ieven because I’ve long suspected the initial split between them is not going to be super clean cut (this should make more sense later). Mike and El were together for a long time for their age, and have a lot of intense shared memories. El was also his first and only experience of relationships; it’s going to be difficult to detach. It being the right decision to end something doesn’t mean it’s easy or simple. Even if Mike is gay and didn’t truly like her romantically, he still loved her and in my opinion that distinction isn’t something he’s going to have figured out and made peace with the second it ends.

➠ Track 4 | Promises I've Made

Very straightforward and repetitive, and follows on seamlessly from the last song: this is about having trouble moving on from someone who’s left your life.

Ever since you have gone the days don't seem so bright and I wish I could forget you but I can’t / I have promised myself I wouldn't dream of you but I find that awful hard sometimes to do

• • •

Based on what I’ve seen people might fight me on this, but to me it’s M!Ieven coded mainly because of its positioning in the playlist (directly after a struggling relationship song + break up song) but also because it is technically about an ex love. Could we say it doesn’t need to be interpreted that specifically? Yes. I suppose it could be Byler coded too but personally...the way I would interpret it is as Mike moping over whatever happened with El. There’s not any intense emotional pining going on; if you listen it has a very laid back, chill sort of mood and is honestly very upbeat. There’s no deep heartbreak. It’s just about missing someone. Plus it sort of perfectly closes out the process we see over the last two songs of being unhappy with someone, to breaking up and grieving, to the typical post-break up struggle of navigating this hole in your life and naturally missing what once filled it. This is a whole sub-arc for Mike.

➠ Track 5 | Angst In My Pants

We’ve reached the gay section! This song is about trying to fit yourself into an acceptable—aspirational, even—life but never feeling content, and continuously trying to squash this troubling Feeling, the titular phrase: angst in (your) pants. Some people think it’s a reference to literal physical arousal but others including me think that in context it’s intended more as a metaphor for sexual frustration/dissatisfaction.

I hope it doesn't show, it'll go away / It's just a passing phase / When you’re all alone, you and your head / When you think you’ve made it disappear it comes again, hello, I’m here and I’ve got angst in my pants

The queer subtext here is very clear, I don’t think I even have to explain (check out the cover art too lol). The song closes with a realisation/acceptance that no, this “phase” won't ever go away i.e. it’s just who you are.

Give it a hundred years, it won't go away

I also thought one of the opening verse lines was an interesting segue from the last few songs:

But when you’re all alone and nothing bites you’d wish you stayed at home with someone nice

• • •

Angst In My Pants may aswell be titled Forced Conformity the thematic parallels to ST are that blatant. Another point for team Mike Wheeler actually is connected to the main themes of the show like all his other friends, and no it’s not because he’s somehow oppressed for being a nerd. Also rather than being about feelings for another person the song is about personal struggle with sexuality which excites me to think about in relation to Mike because we’ve been saying he needs to explore his own identity outside of being a love interest.

➠ Track 6 | The Better Side

A very sweet, slow, slightly melancholy song. I’ll be honest I cannot decipher more than 2/3 of the lyrics but here are the most meaningful ones of those I could:

I know you cry and I’m trying to keep you by my warmth

You’re never gonna see my eyes, you’re coloring all the skies you want to / I tried staying alive, keep my head on the better side when you’re far away

You’re on the better side you’re always the better one for me

You’re all that I need, I’m not gonna miss you anymore

My understanding is it’s about pining over someone who is a “better” choice, whatever that means in this context. Deciding you want someone, someone who you don’t currently have, someone who is maybe distracted, distant or physically absent? But vowing to change that because you recognise that you need them.

• • •

This directly follows the Gay Thoughts song, and precedes the Gay Thoughts song 2.0 so I feel safe interpreting it as Byler coded and about how it’s Mike’s turn to pine. (Also because “better” implies that there’s a “worse” i.e. this is a situation where you’re differentiating between two things i.e. in Mike’s case, Will vs El). I can envision Mike and Will getting moments together away from whatever chaos is surely going on, having the space to connect more where Mike starts becoming conscious of his feelings, realising slowly that Will is the “better” one for him. And as the song also suggests, perhaps Will has pulled away from him in the beginning. I think this is possible because the torment Will's likely going to endure from Vecna could understandably cause him to push Mike away, fearing his safety or him finding out how Will feels, and also I just don’t think he’ll be able to stand the pain of being M!Ieven’s couple’s counsellor for much longer without cracking. But I think Mike “it’ll be easier if we’re a team” Wheeler would make it his mission to fix any rift between them, the final line literally being I’m not gonna miss you anymore.

➠ Track 7 | Don't Ask Me To Explain

As far as I can tell, this song is about being afraid to face queer feelings for another person who is also hiding this about themselves, and being conflicted about whether to confess because you're not sure how they feel.

How will I ever know you enough to love you if you're hiding who you are? / How am I supposed to let it show when I don't even know? / Don’t move on without me, who will be watching my body when I sleep? / I don't want to be the one who's coming out first, I'd really like to but I'm just too shy

The end is an admission of…something. I’m not sure whether to interpret it as wishful thinking over this queer relationship you believe you can’t have, or as an offhand comment about forcing yourself to love someone you can’t because of your sexuality. Interesting either way:

It’s so easy to lie to myself and pretend that I could love you but I can't

I did do some research and the alleged true explanation of this song is it’s from one queer friend to another (man to woman, I assume both closeted, maybe a failed romance?) but I could only find one uncited source for that and everywhere else seems to agree with my interpretation so it seems when listening to the song that’s the story people hear. (Plus either way the song is about being queer. Undeniably so).

• • •

It’s not Byler coded we’re way past that, it literally just…is them. It does seem to suggest a level of internal conflict in Mike regarding coming out that I can’t say I expected (yes I have no doubts about canon Byler but I’m also a pessimist by nature—that should tell you how obvious their endgame is though lmao—so I assumed the Duffers would go wrong somewhere). I always thought he would be almost consciously clueless about himself until he finds out Will loves him, and the focus be more on him liking Will back rather than him liking boys (and obviously wasn’t a fan of that), but the prospect of Mike actually being aware and grappling with his sexuality is what we’ve been praying for and builds on the more low-level thrum of sexual confusion in Angst In My Pants. Oh and the song also could suggest Mike suspecting that Will likes him/is queer too before anyone confesses.

➠ Track 8 | What Do You Want Me To Do?

Another straightforward one. It’s quite angsty, a big contrast to the more sad feelings about a relationship from the earlier songs. This is about someone who left you for someone else/someone who walked out on you, who decides they want you back.

You walked out took your chance, turned your back on our romance / You said the change would do you good / But then the bubble burst your dream, turned into a nightmare scream / You came crawling to me your knees, and you were asking me to love you please

The main message of the repetitive chorus is basically: you want me to need you, but that’s not real love. You’re just using me to feel better about yourself.

What do you want me to do? Say that I need you more? Is that what real lovers do? Or only what you use me for?

• • •

I mean isn’t that last part how we’ve always described M!Ieven’s dynamic—all about aligning with the other’s needs whether for safety, validation or feeling ‘normal’, rather than genuine romance? I don’t think there’s any chance at all of El leaving Mike for someone else lol, as I said I don’t think we need to interpret these songs super specifically. But it does make me wonder: could we possibly see a moment of regression for El at some point in the season, after they separate? The focus here in my opinion is frustration at someone trying to re-enter your life when you know they don’t truly love you. Reflecting on their dynamic I talked about with earlier songs and their history in the show (El walking away, Mike scared to lose her), is it possible the break up could leave Mike struggling initially then he progressively understands why it was the right choice (especially after spending time with Will), meanwhile for El it’s the opposite—she’s more sure about breaking up but something happens later on that shakes her belief in herself. Her having one last hurdle to overcome in her dependency on Mike to finally break that pattern of hindering her growth by retreating to him could make sense. And based on this song…Mike would not be receptive to being El’s safety net. Growth for both of them.

➠ Track 9 | Substitute

Again, very angsty compared to earlier. It’s about a relationship characterised by false perceptions (focused on class), and those being what is holding it together. One partner is pretending to be something they’re not, cosplaying as someone else, and the other is also being dishonest/fake.

You think we look really good together / My fine looking suit is really made out of sack / The simple things you see are all complicated / Substitute your lies for fact / I see right through your plastic mac

The relationship breaks down because of this and their partner doesn’t truly want to fix things, and ultimately trades up.

Those crocodile tears are what you cry / It’s a genuine problem, you won’t try to work it out at all, you just pass it by / Substitute me for him / Substitute my coke for gin

Essentially: your partner not knowing the real you because you’re putting on a facade—the facade being the version of you they really like, the thing that was making you compatible—leads the relationship to fail. The literal title suggests neither of them as they are are what the other truly wants or needs.

• • •

Obviously this does not directly parallel M!leven in terms of the topic of the lying but in terms of the themes and core relationship issues…yeah. To me this could be about point Mike has reached after gradually coming to realisations about the nature of their relationship after it’s over, like I mentioned before. I can envision a mid-late season confrontation (or something less aggressive sounding lol) between them, pairing perfectly with the topic of the previous song. El scared trying to fall back on Mike and he’s like…no, we don’t work, I can’t be that for you anymore and this is why: betraying who he is (nerd) to impress her, trying so hard to play the “boyfriend” role (yet they never successfully emotionally connect), if he’s gay then there’s also the facade of straightness, etc. I think it would show a lot of emotional maturity from him honestly, and I really need him to have a strong grasp on what went wrong with El for them to have a shot at forming a healthy friendship, and also to psychologically process all that stuff before getting involved with Will.

➠ Track 10 | The Rebel Kind

A short song about life being tough when you don’t have much (this one is class-focused too), but still craving the freedom that comes from not following societal rules and pressures for how to do life “right”, and instead living on your own terms. Basically the struggle is worth not having to conform. The first verse sums it up pretty well:

They call us the rebel kind but they don’t understand the things a man must do to prove that he’s a man / It’s not easy but I don’t mind, I just wanna run with the rebel kind

• • •

Again, obviously the specific topic is not relevant to ST but the thematic parallels blew my mind, I mean the entire show is about people being outcasts and learning to find strength in that, and the final season is going to majorly drive that point. We know this from the fact that Will “being different” Byers is the one who’s arc is said to tie up the whole show. Now in regards to Mike…if this doesn’t scream forced conformity and deciding to reject it for your own happiness I don’t know what does. It perfectly captures the thematic end point of his arc next season (and not just his but probably the entire party’s in one way or another). Also the toxic masculinity reference in that one line applies heavily to Mike with his history of trying so hard to do what he thinks he supposed to do in going from boy to man i.e. We’re not kids anymore. Did you think we were never gonna get girlfriends?

➠ Track 11 | Block Rockin’ Beats

Another one I think is mainly to set a tone; no real lyrics just beats. In my opinion it comes after The Rebel Kind for a reason. Somehow it just makes sense, it’s got this really loud, frenzied, unrestrained energy to it.

➠ Track 12 | Just What I Needed

We end off with a love (or desire?) song. It’s interesting because it’s quite aggressive sonically but at the same time it talks about being with someone in a simple uncomplicated way:

I don’t mind you coming here and wasting all my time / I don’t mind you hanging out and talking in your sleep

…but it’s also very intense how you feel with them.

Cause when you’re standing oh so near I kinda lose my mind

There’s a repeated line that stuck in my head. It’s obviously written about a female subject, but there is such a rejection of the feminine going on:

It’s not the perfume that you wear, it’s not the ribbons in your hair

It’s saying those feminine attributes are not why this person is attractive—and yeah logically that means the subject must have those things, but as I’ve said I don’t think these songs need to be interpreted on such a specific level. The point being made is about a deeper connection. The line is just intriguing to me from the perspective of Mike being into boys, I mean he could’ve picked literally any other romance song.

I needed someone to feed / I needed someone to bleed / I guess you’re just what I needed

The message here is basically: I was craving the rawest form of connection/intimacy with another human being (that doesn’t have to necessarily mean sexual it’s just those visceral words feed, bleed in comparison to perfume and ribbons which sound very fluffy lol)…and now I’ve found you and it’s exactly what I was looking for.

• • •

With all the themes through the songs of rejecting fake relationships and conformity, and accepting and exploring queerness…Will Byers is obviously going to be the thing Mike needed. I’ve been saying (and so have many) but Byler isn’t happening till the end. Also the playlist finishing with this song is telling in my opinion. Aside from the Castle Byers Classics link, the title itself implies searching for something which is now found, a journey being over. I say this for the purposes of pushing my agenda about this playlist painting a narrative. Hear me out:

Personally……that’s not accidental. It just isn’t. Even if my more specific interpretations aren’t correct, I just cannot believe that this wasn’t curated to draw a particular picture. I believe in coincidences and if the playlist had been titled as it was with a bunch of random unconnected irrelevant songs I’d be the first person to file it under that. But the title and the inclusion of a song from Will’s official playlist and these specific songs in this specific order? Yeah it’s about s5 Mike and I cannot wait to see him! If you made it this far thanks for reading <3

[popponn]

a cushion, two continents away. [isagi yoichi x reader]

note: i wrote this in one sitting out of need. a loving yoichi is a warm thought and while this isn't how i imagined the 'first fit of madness in a while' would go, please do know it is one. yoichi is considerate, but yoichi likes affection. that's the thought. warning: none, isagi is full of love and wants to be clingy, post canon pro player au, reader's gender unspecified.

“Please motivate me,” you say to the screen. Isagi tries his best not to ask why you are burying your face in your hands instead of greeting him with a smile. His hunch tells him you might cry if he does that. “Please motivate me, or I might cry.”

Isagi really tries his best not to follow his instinct to ask are you okay there and then. With a smile he hopes doesn’t come out as an exact grimace, he laughs and makes a silent note to order you your favorite drink online later. Paying mind to his sleeping teammates, he whispers, “I don’t know what’s happening here, but hang in there, okay?”

As if being cued by his voice, you finally peek at his face. Even with only part of your face unhidden by your palms, Isagi notices that you are making a face at something—which is probably whatever your workload is now and the fact that he is two continents away from you.

“Why are you away?” you ask, a mix of pout and annoyance haunting your voice, “I want to work while sitting in your lap. I want a back hug. I want a hug. I want you here.”

“Please don’t turn me into a cushion,” Isagi says, even though the two of you know that he will do it happily and readily. Complete with his head on your shoulder, peering at your laptop. Probably, also while sharing warm drinks with you.

Good—Isagi holds back a groan. Now he wants to go home too.

Which shouldn’t be impossible. The match is done, Bachira and Rin are asleep so they can’t snitch, maybe if he runs to the airport now—

“I’m going to sound like a hypocrite. And also this is painful for me to say,” you interrupt his train of thought with a mock of a strict expression, “but please don’t.”

Isagi chews the inside of his cheek, “…but. It’s—”

“I’m not listening to you,” you cut off, despite obviously trying to hold back a smile. But, as quick as that pretty expression of yours comes, Isagi doesn’t get much time to admire it. You soon turn away to somewhere off-screen, facing what seems to be your work with a sigh. “…now, I think I have to go.”

Looking at you and hearing the imminent farewell, Isagi wants to make you stay more than anything. Having a simple celebration between you and him, even through a video call, after a win sounds like heaven. But of course, unfortunately, he is mature enough to know asking that from you is impossible for now.

But, Isagi is self-aware. He is egoistic and stubborn when he wants something. So, he asks, “Can we stay on call? I will be good.”

“…be good, huh?” you parrot his wording. A light chuckle comes out just barely from you.

“You know what I mean,” Isagi shifts on his bed. Lying on his side while hugging his pillow to his body, pretending it’s you. He buries his face into the plush cotton. God—he really wishes this pillow was you now.

Never once did his eyes leave you. He watches as you stay silent, considering for a moment. Then, finally, after a few wordless moments, you finally glance back to him, “…you know I can’t deny that puppy look, right?”

“Stop calling it puppy look,” Isagi denies. He knows he is wearing the expression you often call ‘pouting’.

To that, you finally laugh out loud. For a moment you truly look like there is no burden on you and Isagi considers going on with the pointless debate if he could keep that good look on you forever. Sadly, he knows you should work the moment you fully turn your face to the side. The clicking sounds of keyboards and mouse clicks replace your voice.

“Sure, sure, I will,” you say. Isagi merely hums as he looks at you.

He really should be a good boyfriend and pretend he is your sitting cushion right now.

[theragethatisdesire]

much ado about nothing chapter 6 - plug!eren x reader - 18+!!!

DISCLAIMER: this post contains MATURE CONTENT that is intended only for those over 18. minors and ageless blogs, please do not read below the cut.

ummmmm HIII so sorry i know i still owe you guys a million drabbles and i haven't been posting as much but this chapter is just chock-full of drama and i'm so excited to share it bc hehehe it's a rollercoaster. also we should def stop listening to sasha. sneaky posting; have fun babies!!!! i cannot WAIT to hear your thoughts

specific cws: alcohol use, violence (like fist-fighting level not insane), mentions of drugs, swearing, incredibly awkward tension lol

-

“The course of true love never did run smooth.” A Midsummer Night’s Dream by William Shakespeare (Act I, Scene 1)

You’ve done a lot of partying in your days, but you never thought a hangover could float over your shoulders for damn near two weeks. Then again, maybe that rancid taste in your mouth is regret instead of the practical gallons of liquor you’d guzzled that night.

Historia tells you to delete the evidence, have a glass of wine with your friends, focus on your studies, put meaning back into the happy distractions that make up life. Sasha tells you to suck it up, download Tinder, do something other than wallow in your bed with nothing on but the fairy lights along your ceiling. Ymir tells you men aren’t worth embarrassing yourself for, maybe start swinging the other way, that she knows a few very pretty single ladies.

You meet all of their advice with a slow nod, sometimes a chuckle, put your head down, and go about your business, letting the shame follow you around like a little rain cloud from building to building around campus. Even your students have noticed something’s making you tick; Falco and Gabi left a package of Crumbl cookies in your office the other day, and for the first time, Zofia has begun to raise her hand in class. It’s heartwarming, really, but it doesn’t solve your problem.

Problems would be the better term for it. To start, there was your royal fuck-up with Eren. You had over-indulged and gotten a little too flirty to be “friends”, sure, it happens, but something had snapped in you when you saw Eren with that leggy blonde hanging all over him at the club.

Breeze. Even wearing naught but a skirt and some thin tights with the early winter wind whipping around your legs, just the thought of her name makes your blood boil. She was perfect, all bouncy and easygoing and cool, hippie clothes. To be fair, she was the one with the true claim on Eren; you had dug your own grave, far too confident in your ability to be just friends with someone so…so Eren.

Your friendship had been growing closer and closer by the passing day before that night, texting at nearly every minute of the day and spending time together wherever you could fit it in your full schedule. You had made plans to bake Christmas cookies together, even despite Eren’s protests that Christmas was a “capitalistic hellhole of a holiday season”, had acted out your favorite Shakespeare scenes in your pajamas, much to Eren’s amusement, and had made a habit of staying up late into the night watching and rewatching your favorite animes, heatedly debating characters. It had been butterfly-inducing, dizzying, perfect. Until you had indulged in one too many shots and humiliated yourself, that is.

Seeing Breeze all over Eren had made you realize the severity of your mistake trying to keep Eren in your life, realize the warm feeling blooming in your chest every time he grinned at you, all teeth and his little chin dimple, was decidedly much more than a platonic appreciation for a new friend. It turned out that you’d been right from the start; you weren’t his type, and to make matters worse, his actual taste in women had been thrust in your face unexpectedly.

When you had awoken the next morning, debating on whether to fall back asleep immediately or dash to the toilet, Historia had greeted you with a sorry smile, a cup of coffee, and a quiet word of advice to look through your phone. Knowing your drunken self, you pulled up your phone calls first, wanting to make sure you hadn’t accidentally Facetimed your mom to tell her how much fun you were having or something cringe-worthy of the sort. But no, of course it had to be much worse than that.

There was a phone call– to Eren. Your call log had recorded a one minute and thirty-six second phone call between you and Eren, one you obviously didn’t remember making.

“Please tell me you were with me when I called Eren,” you groan, so naive, “did I completely embarrass myself?”

Historia blushes. “Well, he didn’t answer, if it’s any consolation–”

“Oh, thank god–”

“But that didn’t exactly stop you,” Historia fiddles with the edge of her t-shirt, “you left him a voicemail.”

Even through your throbbing headache, you shoot right up out of bed at that. “What?! What did I say?”

“I don’t know,” Historia moans woefully, putting her hands over her face, “I’m sorry, I tried to stop you, but you ran off as soon as you started talking. By the time I caught up to you, you were already hanging up.”

“So, there’s a voicemail from drunk me on Eren’s phone, and neither of us have any idea what it says?”

“Correct.”

“My life fucking sucks.”

“It’s about to get a whole lot worse,” Historia says, throwing your sheets back and snuggling beside you in the bed, burrowing her face in your shoulder, “check your texts.”

And oh, had it gotten worse. Your drunken, foolish text sat in your outbox, unanswered, unread, and inexcusable. Six months later and you were right back where you started, begging a ghost of a man to explain why he couldn’t love you.

> hi luke, i’m sorta ficked up, but i misz you. why did yoi never call me???? you owe me at leasttg that. a fcking explanation,. 

Storming through campus, coat tucked around your shoulders against the biting chill, you wince at the memory. You haven’t deleted the unanswered text yet, keeping it stale in your phone as a reminder of what happens when you get too attached to people you know aren’t good for you.

You thought you’d be more heartbroken over the text to Luke and its lack of an answer, but surprisingly, you’re not. It’s Eren haunting your thoughts, Luke’s just the placeholder for all of your anger at this point. Eren isn’t to blame for all of this, you are, and that’s why you can’t bring yourself to face him, can’t bring yourself to answer any of the hesitant texts he’s sent you since that god-awful night.

You’re not in college anymore, you have to keep reminding yourself. You’re twenty-four, and you’d like to think you’re past the phase of your life where you’re handing your heart out to anyone that passes like it’s a Costco sample. You aren’t even sure if you want Luke anymore at this point, if you could even speak to him if you bumped into him these days. He had, admittedly, treated you like dirt, wrenched your heart out from your chest and left it on the sidewalk to collect dust. At least you can hate him, hate what he did to you, hate that you’re stuck on him like a broken record skipping to the same chorus every few weeks.

You can’t hate Eren, though. You can be disappointed in him for entertaining his terrible ex-girlfriend, not aloud of course because he hadn’t actually mentioned her to you himself, but you can do it internally. Even that isn’t enough to make you feel better; not only had he not trusted you, not felt safe or comfortable enough with you to share the skeletons in his closet, but he was likely zooming full-speed down a dead-end street, the way Sasha tells the story. Your heart aches for him out of a painful mixture of pining and fervent concern.

Your only solution so far has been to dive headfirst into your coursework and your students; it hasn’t done much to distract you, but with finals on the horizon, it’s not the worst method of coping you’ve come up with in your days.

Your newly invigorated dedication to your work and your courses are the cause of you dragging yourself across campus to 104, desperate for caffeine and practically a corpse after two weeks of near-constant self-shaming keeping you up at night.

The smell of the coffee shop, earthy and warm, hits you almost as hard as the blasting heat inside, and you practically slouch upon entering, the weight of the cozy atmosphere cocooning you like a warm blanket. If there’s one place that will always feel like a hug, it’s 104 Beans, your coffee shop of choice (and obligation, considering the small size of your campus) for the last six years.

Pieck, your favorite barista, greets you in her typical dreamy manner. “Hi love, same as usual?”

“Hey Pieck,” you greet her with a weary smile. As you dig around in your bag for your wallet, the extent of your exhaustion versus the amount of work you have left to do surfaces in your brain. “Actually…no, not my usual. Can I get a quad shot Americano?”

Pieck pauses where she’s scribbling onto a paper cup with a Sharpie, eyes flitting back up to you in disbelief. “A quad shot Americano?”

“A quad shot Americano.”

“Jesus,” Pieck sighs, eyes wide, “work’s that rough, huh? Black coffee not going to cut it?”

“The shakes will be worth it,” you confirm, swiping your card through the machine.

“Can I please make it a cappuccino then? You’re going to need something creamy to get all that espresso down,” Pieck looks back up at you, eyes pleading.

“Fine,” you sigh, “but–”

“Almond milk, I know,” Pieck winks at you, sliding your cup down the assembly line of baristas working amongst the hissing of the espresso machine and the pleasant, folky music floating from the speakers. “We’re a little busy, so give me five and I’ll bring it over to you.”

You smile gratefully and collect your things, turning to scout out what’s hopefully a quiet table in the corner, when a pair of arms tossed around your shoulders stops you. The familiar scent of fruity perfume tickles your nose, and you slump against the tight grip in relief.

“You made it out of the house!” Sasha’s eyes glow with pride, as if you’d just run a marathon.

“It’s not like I’m a hermit,” you roll your eyes, “I have class five days a week.”

“You don’t go anywhere besides class or your house though, so you still get participation points,” Sasha grins, shaking your shoulders, “how are you feeling?”

“Well…”

Sasha’s expression crumples. “Still that bad, huh?”

“The Luke thing was pathetic of me, but honestly, it’s not haunting me as much as I thought it would,” you admit, pausing for a moment to allow Sasha to grab her coffee from the barista when her name is called, “the one thing that’s really sticking with me is the Eren issue.”

“Like, the voicemail? Or Breeze?”

“Both. I would give anything to know what that voicemail said, but whatever was going on between us aside, I just hope he’s okay, y’know? With Breeze back in the picture and everything.”

Sasha bites into her bottom lip and glances around the coffee shop, checking every face at every table. You know that face; she’s hiding something.

“What?”

“What?” Sasha cocks her head innocently. You nearly smack her.

“You’re not telling me something.”

“Uh…okay, yeah, I’m not, but I’m not sure if I should. I mean, you’re actually out of the house–”

“I leave my house plenty!”

“You know what I mean,” Sasha scoffs, “it’s just…if you’re feeling better, I don’t want to throw you back into the deep end.”

You have no words for that, absolutely despising the way that she is completely correct. Whatever information lies behind Sasha’s bitten lip could either make you feel a hundred times better or a hundred times worse, and you’re stuck debating on whether you should gamble or not when Sasha makes the decision for you.

 “Fine, you wore me down,” she sighs.

“I didn’t even say anything,” you point out, raising an eyebrow.

“You don’t have to,” Sasha says, annoyed, “you have this, like, fucking puppy dog look. Makes me sick. Get your coffee, I’ll find a table, and we can talk.”

Like clockwork, the moment Sasha steps away, Pieck grabs your attention and hands your coffee over along with an extra hot cup half-full of steamed almond milk. You look at her questioningly, and she merely shrugs.

“That’s a lot of espresso. I know you’re in, like, your depressed writer phase right now, but I figured a little extra milk would come in handy.”

“You’re the best,” you smile at her affectionately, thinking absentmindedly that you should invite her out to Scout’s sometime. Before she can respond, Pieck’s gaze lands on something just over your shoulder. You can smell him even before you turn around, musky cologne and a little hint of weed. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

“Hey Pieck. Usual?” His throaty timbre cuts through the thick air, sharp as a knife. Pieck nods politely and gets to work on his coffee, forgoing a trip to the cash register. That tracks; Pieck’s hooded eyes are bloodshot more often than not.

“Excuse me,” you mutter, trying to sneak around him, but Eren’s quicker than you, side-stepping to cut you off.

“Hey stranger,” he smiles down at you, but it’s tense, nervous, “trying to run off on me?”

“Didn’t even realize that was you, sorry,” you lie, offering him a thin smile in return. You spot Sasha gaping at you across the cafe, waving her arms wildly and mouthing What the fuck?. You can’t help but feel similarly.

“It’s been awhile, how are you?”

“M’fine, just really busy with school.” God, you hate this, this awkward small talk barely parsing its way through the jungle of things left unsaid between you two. “You?”

“Fine,” Eren looks around awkwardly, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Good,” you speak directly into your coffee, unable to stomach the emerald green peering down at you.

“You know,” Eren’s words come out quite like he can’t believe he’s saying them, “I kinda thought you were avoiding me.”

“Did you?” Your voice is caught in your throat, coming out in a pathetic squeak. Has he heard the voicemail? The startling turn the conversation’s taken must be visible all over your face, because Sasha’s flailing arms beckoning you over to the table grow more urgent.

“You haven’t texted me back, haven’t seen you in a couple weeks,” Eren’s incredibly focused on his shoes, kicking one Vans sneaker idly back and forth on the floor and making a squeaking sound, “so yeah, sort of.”

“I’m busy,” you deadpan, praying to any god you can remember the name of that you’ll just disintegrate right where you stand. Eren meets your eyes again, smirks disbelievingly.

“You said that.”

Something in his tone annoys you, something about his insinuation that he knows you’re blatantly lying, that he’s teasing you over your embarrassment, ignites a little flame in your chest. You scowl at him.

“I mean, you must be pretty busy too.”

“Why’s that?”

“Breeze just got back into town, didn’t she?” No going back now. Eren’s face blanches for a moment, features growing pale, but he manages to school his face back into that nonchalant pout that you want to slap right off his face.

“Historia told you?” He doesn’t sound surprised; in face, he sounds almost expectant, like he knew you’d find out at some point. It stakes the embers burning in your chest.

“She’s my best friend, so yeah.” This feels like an argument. It shouldn’t be an argument, but your clipped tone is pushing it in that direction. You’ve spent the last two weeks reminding yourself that you have no claim on Eren, no reason to be hurt or upset, but here you are, feeling that familiar rush of anger coursing through your veins.

“I mean, we haven’t been hanging out or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Who said I was worried?”

Eren’s eyebrows knit together, a little frown playing at his mouth. “I don’t know, I mean–”

“Look, Sasha’s waiting for me,” you point over Eren’s shoulder to the little two-top table, where Sasha has stilled within the blink of an eye, shooting Eren an innocent smile and a little wave. “I’d love to catch up, but maybe another time.”

“It was good seeing you.” Eren looks confused, albeit, a little bit hurt, and you hate it. Why is that so much worse, even worse than the sight of him with Breeze hanging off of his arm? His little pout puts a needle through your ballooning anger, and you deflate, sighing.

“I’ll see you around, I’m sure.”

“Yeah,” Eren takes his coffee from Pieck and ambles towards the door, sparing you one last glance over his shoulder. Unwilling to hold his eyes any longer, you scurry to your table, just having realized that Pieck forgot to put a coffee sleeve around your cup and that it’s been burning your hand for the last several minutes.

“Ow! Shit!” You practically crash land across from Sasha, dropping your cups in synchronicity and shaking your red palms around in the air to cool them down.

“What was that?” Sasha hisses, leaning across the table so viciously that your drinks nearly topple over.

“He just showed up!”

“You didn’t have to talk to him.”

“I didn’t try to. He just, like, materialized behind me and started talking. What was I supposed to do? Run away?”

“Little shit,” Sasha swears, glaring at the door as if her anger can shoot through it like a laser beam, cut Eren down where he’s surely almost a block down the street by now, “what did he say?”

“He asked if I’ve been avoiding him," you say, twirling your wooden coffee stirrer through your drink idly and trying to look as if your heart’s not still beating at what’s sure to be a dangerous rate.

“Well, haven’t you?”

“Yeah, but I wasn’t about to tell him that. He got all smug about it,” you scoff, the replayed scene of Eren’s self-assured smirk wiping off of his face bringing you a little bit of petty satisfaction, “until I brought up Breeze.”

Sasha’s eyes grow wide, and she looks around the coffee shop again, as if Eren or Breeze might come popping out of one of the large potted plants in the corners. “That’s actually what I wanted to tell you. What did he say about it?”

“What did you hear?” You narrow your eyes at her, and she narrows hers back.

“You first.”

“He didn’t say much, just looked really surprised that I brought her up. Said they haven’t been hanging out.”

“That’s bullshit,” Sasha snorts, rolling her eyes. Something in your chest that had begun to glimmer, something akin to hope, feels like it just got a bucket of ice-water poured over it. You cock your head, furrow your brows.

“How would you know?”

“Because Hitch and I grabbed some coffee–”

“Hitch? I thought that was a–”

“Okay, don’t crucify me, I know,” Sasha holds her hands up defensively, “it was supposed to be a one night stand, but…I don’t know. She’s cool.”

“Cool?” Even through your desperation for anything Eren-related after a two week drought, you smile knowingly at her. Sasha’s not hard to read, especially when her face goes bright red from chin to forehead.

“Yes,” she hisses, “cool. Anyway, we came by a few days ago, and Eren was here. With Breeze.”

“I mean, I expected as much.”

You’re lying, you’re so lying. The only consolation you’ve had over the last two weeks that you’re not a complete moron is the hope that maybe, just maybe, Eren’s just as forlorn as you, laying around and wishing his phone would buzz with your name on it, wishing you’d pop up at his door with a bag of popcorn ready for movie night. Instead, your worst suspicions have been confirmed, and not only is Eren very much involved with Breeze again, but he had lied straight to your face about it. Ouch.

“They weren’t like, holding hands or anything. Honestly, it looked like they were fighting.”

“Well, what did Hitch say about it?” You don’t even know if you want to know, but with your brain short-circuiting inside your skull, your mouth has free reign to seek out information that will be about as soothing as lemon juice on a papercut.

“Eren won’t talk to any of them about her,” Sasha burns her tongue on her coffee and sucks in a sharp breath, “not even Armin, apparently. She said he’s been moody lately.”

“Wonder why,” you mumble, mulling all of this new information over in your head. Breeze is bad for him, makes him crazy, you already know that. But you didn’t think it would start this soon– you feel like if anything, he should be ecstatic that his long-lost love has finally come back to him. And he can stop trying to replace her, your brain adds helpfully, only doubling the watery ache swelling in your chest.

“Who cares?” Sasha rips open a granola bar, biting into it and continuing to speak with her mouth full. “That’s why you’ve got to stop avoiding him.”

“Huh? That seems like the opposite–”

“No,” Sasha cuts you off, an air of authority in her normally chipper voice, “you’re not going to cower in the corner just because Eren’s back with his shitty ex girlfriend–”

“It’s not just because of Breeze,” you correct her, “it’s because of that voicemail. I have no idea what I said. There’s a lot that’s contributing to my self-induced isolation, trust me.”

“Regardless,” Sasha mouths around another bite of her granola bar, “the only thing that will make you feel better is being around him.”

“That sounds a little contradictory–”

“Trust me,” Sasha interrupts you again, “the best way to make a guy come around is to be up in his face, flaunting how hot and single you are, and to not give him an ounce of your attention. It’s a tried and true method, I promise.”

It turns out that you are a beacon for those with bad ideas, evidently, because later that night, you’ve ended up at Scout’s, cuddled up against the bar with Sasha despite Historia’s fervent protests. If Historia shows up later, just to “check in” (read: see what’s come of Sasha’s terrible plan), you won’t be surprised. She’s prone to being the mom friend and the harbinger of gossip, but she hasn’t shown face quite yet. It’s just you, Sasha, and a handful of regulars, sipping unreasonably cold beers and trying to act as if the early December chill hasn’t rattled you to your bones.

“This is a stupid idea,” you murmur against the lip of your bottle, trying not to seem as unnerved as you are, even after an hour of waiting and sipping. Sasha scoffs beside you, picking through your near-empty basket of peanut shells in search of a full pod.

“It’s not. He’ll be here.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you dragged me out. It only took a week for me to start missing this place,” you run a thoughtful hand along the varnished wooden bartop, “but I’m just still not sure about this whole seeing-Eren-on-purpose thing.”

Before Sasha can answer, the door swings open to reveal the man in question: Eren, accompanied by Armin and Connie, as always, and sporting his standard uniform. Black hoodie, slouchy khaki pants that are tightened around the ankles, and his beat-up Vans.

You nearly sigh into your drink at how delicious he looks, only stopping when the little voice in your head reminds you that the voicemail you’d left him exists. Friends– no, strangers now? The concept of labeling your bizarre, gray-areas-only relationship with Eren brings a chuckle up your throat, one that spills onto the bar.

You can feel him watching you, but to your simultaneous surprise and disappointment, he gives you space, sidling up to the bar a few seats down from where you and Sasha are occupying a couple of bar stools. When Connie throws up a cheerful hand in greeting to you, you tentatively wave back, only for Armin to grab Connie’s attention and turn him toward the bar.

“Ha!” Sasha says triumphantly, looking at you with her eyes glowing like you’re supposed to have reached a revelation of some sort. “See?”

“Did you plot this with Connie?” You narrow your eyes in suspicion.

“No, I’m just a genius, that’s all.”

“I feel like your theory is being proven wrong, not right. He’s not even sitting near us.”

“Because you have the upper hand!” Sasha grins.

“The upper hand?”

“Yeah, he’s giving you some space so you can make the first move, get what you want out of him.”

“And what do I want out of him?” You nearly growl in your frustration, feeling silly sitting exactly four barstools down from Eren with him running through your mind as if he isn’t close enough to just hop up and hug. It’s a genuine question more than a rhetorical one; you’re not even sure what you expect out of him anymore. Another fuck? A fancy date night? A lifetime worth of radio silence, as if Eren isn’t the person you’ve connected better with than nearly anyone else in your romantic history?

Sasha’s brows furrow. “Don’t you know?”

“No! That’s what I was trying to tell you!”

“Oh,” Sasha frowns, rubs her chin, “we should have figured that part out before we came, I guess.”

“Sasha!” You whisper-hiss, ever mindful of what you’re sure to be prying ears only a few feet away. “So you have no plan?”

Sasha stumbles, stutters, and eventually, flushes bright red with a shrug. “Okay, fine, I have no plan. But at least it’s something to break up your routine of laying in bed eating chips and moping around the library.”

“You’re such a bitch.” You roll your eyes, but you don’t mean it, not really. Regardless of how things stand, at the very least you can sneak little glances at Eren, take in how good he looks– no, you correct yourself firmly. You hopped off that train of your own accord, and you’re better for it.

With some verbal manhandling, you goad Sasha into a lull of small talk, classes, anything that comes to mind. A pair of eyes finds you, not the emerald that keeps you up at night, but a pair of hazel old-and-new eyes draw to you, and you can feel the scratch of an unwelcome gaze on your skin.

“Floch’s here,” you state the obvious, sipping your drink and giving no physical indication that you’ve noticed him, staring straight ahead as you mutter to Sasha.

“Christ, this was not a good idea,” Sasha groans, face-palming.

“Wow, I sure wish that someone had suggested this was a bad idea, wouldn’t that have been nice?”

“Shut up,” Sasha says, peeking warily over her shoulder, “I think that’s Hitch in the corner, too.”

You frown, confused at the hunched, anxious change in her posture. “Why are you being weird? Go say hey.”

“I’m not abandoning you!”

“Oh, shut it. Why are you really being weird?”

“I, uh…” Sasha twirls her beer around on the counter, blushing, “I haven’t texted her back in like, four or five days.”

“Sasha! You like her, I can tell. What’s gotten into you?”

“It was supposed to be a one-night thing,” Sasha moans, letting her face fall dramatically into her hands, “and then it was movie nights and coffee and just…way beyond casual hooking up. I like her, but…I don’t know! I panicked.”

You chew on her admission for a second, selfishly comparing Sasha’s situation to your own. Was that what you were doing with Eren? No, surely not, but was that what he was doing with you? You knew he had loved Breeze, that she had wrecked him, but maybe…just maybe some small part of you wants to hope that he’s moved on, that the coffee shop sighting was a fluke.

You shoo Sasha in Hitch’s direction, demanding she run over to apologize and make nice with Hitch, partially to save Sasha’s first shot at a real relationship in years and partially because you want to stew alone with your thoughts. Before you can get too deep into your black hole of what ifs, a familiar presence is sliding into Sasha’s seat, grinning lewdly.

You sigh; it was only a matter of time before he sought you out.

“What do you want, Forster?”

“Last name only? Ouch,” Floch places a hand over his heart, drumming the fingers of his other hand on the countertop. You recognize his demeanor immediately: pupils blown wide, buzzing to the brim with nervous energy. Floch’s always dabbled in party drugs, part of why you could only stand to be around him in small doses back when you were hooking up.

“Are you coked out right now?” Mindful of Levi’s hovering presence behind the bar, you keep your voice to a low hiss.

“So you can’t call me by my first name, but you can ask such personal questions? Jesus, you really are full of it, aren’t you?”

“Floch,” you nearly groan in frustration, “I thought I made it perfectly clear the last time I saw you that I’m not interested.”

“Why are you being so mean to me, hm?” Floch snakes a hand around your shoulders, jostling you until your face is mere inches from his. You’re more than aware of a pair of green eyes nearly boring a hole in your forehead, and you feel a pang of regret that you sent Sasha away so quickly, remembering far too late that Hitch’s table doesn’t offer a great view of where you’re seated at the bar.

“I’m not being mean,” you try to push at him, but he’s locked around you, “I’m just not interested.”

“Stop being such a bitch, Jesus Christ,” Floch finally lets you shove him away from you, but he’s far from done, “when did you get so stuck up, huh?”

“Floch. Keep your voice down, and walk away.” You try to warn him; Floch may be a pain in your ass, but you’d like to believe that he’s not a bad guy, deep down. You’re too late, however. 

Eren’s materialized between you and Floch before you can blink, before you can even get another word out. His sudden presence forces you out of your barstool, stepping around him to get a better read on what the hell he thinks he’s doing. Eren seems not to notice you trying to insert yourself between him and Floch, and the look on his face makes you step back momentarily.

He looks terrifying. Eren’s nostrils are flaring, eyes blown wide and jaw clenched tight. He’s taking full advantage of his height, glaring down at Floch with such menace that if looks could kill, Floch would already be laid out on the floor.

“Get the fuck out of here, dude. She said no.”

“What are you, her little guard dog?” Floch, infamous for never knowing what’s best for him, scoffs at Eren’s incredibly intimidating posture.

“Maybe I am,” Eren sneers, “I’m damn sure not going to sit there and let you speak to her like that.”

“Who’s this loser?” Connie’s to your right now, gesturing to Floch. You don’t miss the telltale clenching of Eren’s hands by his side, and it hits your dizzied mind what’s going on. Eren’s going to end up swinging if you don’t interfere, and Connie’s there for backup. 

“Floch, please.” You reach a feeble hand up to Floch’s chest, trying to gently push him in the other direction.

In the blink of an eye, Floch’s grabbing you by the wrist hard enough to solicit a yelp from your lips, throwing your arm away from him with a look of disgust.

“Oh, so now you want to touch me, bitch?”

No sooner has Floch’s hand released your arm than Connie’s got his arms wrapped around you, yanking you out of the crossfire. Amidst a series of gasps, Eren grabs Floch around the back of the neck, pins him face-first to the bar. 

“Jaeger!” Levi barks sharply, darting over to the scene of the commotion.

“Is that what gets you off, huh?” Eren’s nearly nose-to-nose with Floch, whose busted lip is twisted in a grimace and dribbling little bits of blood onto the varnished bartop. “Calling women bitches when they don’t want your little dick?”

“Let him go, Eren,” Armin tries to intervene, having already dashed over from his barstool. You want to back him up, but you’re frozen where you’re pinned to Connie’s chest, trembling in his arms. You know Eren’s a little rough-and-tumble, but this, seeing it in real life, is much more terrifying than you could have imagined.

“What the hell? Are you okay?” You can hear Sasha’s voice from beside you, close enough to touch but distant in comparison to where your vision is zeroed in on Eren’s grip on the back of Floch’s neck.

“Answer me!” Eren rears Floch back a few inches and slams him against the bar again. Floch curses under his breath, wriggles fruitlessly under Eren’s weight.

“Get the fuck off me, Jaeger!”

“You fucking wish,” Eren hisses, tightening his grip further, “now apologize to my girl before you make me do something I’ll regret.”

“Eren,” you find your voice again, shaking out of Connie’s grip. You fist your hands into Eren’s hoodie sleeves, tugging hard enough to get his attention. “He’s not worth it. Let him go.”

“Listen to her, Jaeger,” Levi’s already-deep voice is stained with warning.

When you pull at his sleeve a little harder, Eren turns to you, eyes still blown wide and teeth bared. It startles you, but you hold firm, setting your own jaw and shaking your head.

“Let. Him. Go. Now, Eren.” You’re not sure how you’ve managed to muster up the conviction in your voice, but you’re grateful for it, as it seems to shake Eren back into himself. Eren slowly releases Floch and in the same easy motion, he guides you behind him with one long, strong arm.

“You,” Levi points accusingly at Floch, “out.”

Floch’s jaw drops. “I didn’t even–”

“Out.” Levi’s tone leaves no room for argument, and Floch seems to understand at least that. He turns his glare back to you and Eren, scowling deeply.

“The next time I see you, Jaeger, it’s fucking over.”

“Get lost before you make me fucking embarrass you,” Eren says, voice dripping with venom. Floch shakes his head, lets his gaze land on you. A chilling smile breaks over his features.

“Next time, sweetheart.”

“Get the fuck out of here already, bro,” Connie snaps, pointing towards the exit. Floch takes his leave, sauntering towards the door with all the confidence of someone who hadn’t just been pinned against the countertop. A heavy, staticky silence falls over the bar.

“If I see you fighting in here again, it’s over.” Levi’s cold eyes fall on Eren, who nods curtly in understanding. Eren brushes his hands through his hair, rests a hand on the bun at the back of his head. Something strange is coursing through your body; something that tastes like anger, burns like heartbreak, falls bitter on your tongue like envy.

“Are you okay?” Sasha appears at your side again, wrapping an arm around your waist. “Floch’s such a psycho, I’m not even surprised he picked a fight.”

You nod numbly, eyes never leaving Eren. He finally looks back down at you, none of the heat having left his eyes.

“What the fuck was that?” It takes you a moment to realize that it’s you speaking, you throwing those words up the inches from your mouth to Eren’s. Eren’s face contorts into a frown.

“What do you mean? He was bothering you, wasn’t he?”

“So you try to fight him?” You seethe. Maybe it is anger, this bizarre, foreign emotion tingling at the tips of your fingers. No, that’s not quite it, you’re not angry you’re just…confused. Hurt that Eren’s frolicking around with Breeze, doing whatever he pleases, and yet, he’s jumping into bar fights to save you from the tangible evidence of your past.

“What do you expect me to do when someone talks to you like that?” Eren hisses back, eyes narrowed.

Sasha’s backed away from the two of you now; you’re aware of your friends staring at you, noses scrunched as they try to figure out exactly what’s happening now. You wish you had an answer to give them, but all you can muster is this heartache shooting out of your mouth in the form of daggers.

“I don’t need you,” you spit, “I don’t need your protection.”

“It didn’t exactly look like you had that handled,” Eren scoffs, rolling his eyes.

“Oh, and what are you? My knight in shining fucking armor? Don’t you have other damsels in distress waiting for you?” It’s too far, you know that as soon as the words leave your mouth, but the liquid courage Sasha had insisted upon is making your tongue sharper than you’d anticipated.

Eren rears back from where he’s hunched to meet you on your level, nostrils flaring again. Before you can utter another word, he’s got an arm thrown around your shoulders none-too-gently, practically dragging your stumbling feet towards the exit.

“Outside.”

[hazbinhazbinhazbinreblog]

HELLOOOOOO

I have been semi stalking and poking my head into this account a lot since I adore fanfic anons content. And I would like to propose my own little AU and maybe fanfics for a later date (keyword, maybe since I may also post these onto my ao3) BUT LE CONSIDER:

Based semi on the AU from user AppleParty on Twitter, mainly just one idea, the one where Alastor is Lucifer’s personal guard, the rest is my own.

Basic gist: Alastor makes a deal with Lucifer. Lucifer grants Alastor all the power he desires, but Alastor has to vow to protect Charlie with his life and try and help parent her as Lucifer knows he is not in the right mental state to do so anymore. So Alastor ends up vanishing for 7+ years to help raise and protect the Princess of Hell, while also having a budding friendship with Lucifer (So Hell's Greatest Dad turns from dad off to a tongue and cheek teasing match).

Everything is fine and dandy, some of the same plot points from the pilot happen instead with the inclusion of Alastor. Vaggie and Alastor also have a more mutual respect but not friends yet relationship. The interview goes horribly wrong and Vaggie has to hold Alastor back from ripping Katie Killjoy’s head off. The scene in the limo is more tense as Angel is avoiding the piss off guard dog that is the radio demon now. Alastor tries to cheer Charlie up by cashing in some favors by calling up Nifty and Husk, probably in this AU, Husk is still not an overlord as Alastor owns his soul still, but Husk has more power and having to raise Charlie probably has matured Alastor more so him and Husk are more on even ground and Alastor looks at Husk as more as an advice giver when he needs it. Nifty is just Nifty. The two agree to work at the hotel as they are doing Alastor a favor and they believe in Charlie’s dream. Alastor is up for debate as he may only be doing this because he has to since he is her personal guard or he actually believes in it. The only thing he will say on the matter is he finds it entertaining and he can’t wait to see the chaos start.

All things are going good, they plan on celebrating and everything until a knock comes to the door. Alastor excuses himself, shooing off Vaggie to tell her she should be with her girlfriend, he will handle the matters. He goes to answer the door, being speaking in a manner tone until he opens his eyes and is greeted to

Vox

BECAUSE YEAH SPOILER ALERT THIS IS A STATICRADIO AU HAHAHAH

Alastor’s smile drops and he hisses in anger and slams the door shut in Vox’s face, not even giving the Overlord a chance to speak as he storms back into the lobby. Cue Charlie having to rush over and mediate everything and bring Vox in, who saw the interview on TV and wants to sponsor the hotel. Because well, hey it would be good money and it would be funny to see Charlie try and redeem sinners. But everyone can TELL there is tension between him and Alastor, like the scary kind of tension when you have no clue if person a is gonna lunge and rip out person b’s throat. But you know its there since they have a history together.

Cue all the hijinks that ensue as Alastor and Vox have to try and repair their relationship while also helping Charlie out with her dream. Also more chaos than normal since Alastor probably accompanies Charlie to more places than in canon.

But that is all hehe. Am gonna give myself a sign off so people know who I am soo

-⚔️aka “Hotel’s Radio Guard AU” (work in title au name) Anon!

I love your energy my friend, on this blog we appreciate fanfic anon, spamming, and all kinds of AUs

The beginning of this is similar to dadstaticradio au (except lucifer instead of lilith ofc) but there is no issue I take with that bc I love it

Also referring to Alastor as guard dog and "Niffty is just Niffty" made me laugh, if you ever do post on Ao3 pls tag me in it or sent a link in asks and I'll share it on your behalf

[wilcze-kudly]

I really want to see your post about how Katara is forcefully matured by the fandom, please!

Ok, while I wasn't ready to make that post in earnest, and frankly never might be, here's some of my cursory thoughts on the topic. I'd gladly talk about it in detail more but also ✨️fear✨️

So, let's get the obvious out of the way. Katara is a 14 year old. A child, barely a teen. In fact, the entirety of the gaang is made up of children.

Now, I haven't been fully active in the atla fandom in quite some time, mostly lurking on the peripheries, because the fandom is a shitshow. One of the reasons being the fact that most fans cannot, for the life of them handle the Gaang's inherent childishness.

This isn't just a Katara problem. Other than her, Aang suffers the most for the egregious crime of being a 12 year old survivor of a genocide. Suki is, of course, mainly ignored. The interpretations of Toph can vary wildly, from her being horrifically matured to being dissmissed as a chaotic, rude child. Zuko and Sokka's immature moments are looked at more permissively, being an angsty boi™️ and a goofy goober respectively.

I do find it odd that Aang doesn't get the "boys will be boys" pass, but ok, we'll blame it on him being... bald? a nice boy? not concerned with his own masculinity?

As for Katara, her maturity is treated like... a given. She's the mom of the group, the proverbial love interest, the feminist icon, the badass fighter, the trailblazer filled with feminine rage. The trophy wife to Aang, the (Lore Olympus style) Persephone to Zuko's Hades.

And true, she is, or at least can be, a lot of these things.

However she is, first and foremost, a child. This fact is presented to us on a silver platter in the first episode, when her and Aang are penguin sledding.

Katara : I haven't done this since I was a kid!

Aang: You still are a kid!

Katara is a child forced to mature. Her circumstances forced her to try to fill her mother's place and to fight for those who couldn't do so themselves. The fandom brands her as a mom friend. Sees her purely as an icon of empowerment. Or worse, degrades her character to being a love interest.

(im talking about both sides of the kataang/zutara debate. I have my biases, but I'm sure there are kataangers who treat her like this as well. I simply have encountered very few of them.)

Her story, while yes, has many themes of female empowerment is in huge part, a tragedy. The tragedy of a young girl forced to grow up much too soon.

Sadly, this is rarely spoken about. It's not spoken about directly and therefore a lot of the fandom doesn't see this. (Or simply doesn't want to see it)

This is not to say that Katara's more mature aspects should be dismissed or buried. She displays a lot of maturity for her age, to the point of being able to go toe to toe both intellectually and physically with the (admittedly usually incompetent) adults of the show. Additionally, she evolves as a character through the durtation of the show.

But a huge chunk of her maturity being forced and therefore unhealthy is a key aspect of her character.

I think what upsets me the most is that while the critiquing the idea of Katara being treated as the mom of the group in fanon is becoming more and more common, the treatment of her as something akin to a YA protagonist is on the rise.

Both these interpretations are so insulting to the character of Katara, what is wrong with you people?

I'm currently rewatching atla with a focus on Katara as a character (while also trying to give zutara a chance I am doing my best guys) and her childishness is an integral part of her. It's sad to see her treated as an adult by the fandom. And honestly unsettling, especially with how much of like a child she acts.

I wanna finish my rewatch before I give my full ramble on the topic. I also wanna look more into the many different opinions people in the atla fandom have on Katara's treatment by the show. Though even trying to skim the surfce was like injecting lemon juice directly into my tear ducts. Also I really, really don't wanna get sent death threats again.

I want to give the topic of Katara my full attention. However I don't think I'll ever make this post, actually. The atla fandom is a rabid horrid pack of creatures and I'm not sure if I wanna engage with all that.The post would probably bash a lot of things considered key arguments for Zutara, since, looking at Zutara through a child's doesn't exactly scream 'romance' and do I really want that on my blog?

Katara's role as a child isn't valued as much as her role as a woman and I just don't want to deal with people calling me mean names for talking about a little girl being traumatised.

I'd be glad to have a discussion but I made this blog mainly to have fun and enjoy a piece of media I like. I met some truly amazing people whom I can have really great discussions with, even if we don't agree. I don't want to jeopardise that by being a pretentious dick on a soapbox.

Call this and the last few posts I made on Katara me testing the waters.

[steviewashere]

Master of Puppets (I'm Pulling Your Strings)

Rating: Mature (For Various Themes) CW: This whole fic is about Eddie drug dealing, Talks about Drugs, Implied/Referenced Drug Overdose, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use Tags: Post-Canon, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Arguing, Making Up, Dialogue Heavy, Worried Steve Harrington, Steve Harrington is a Sweetheart, Eddie Munson is a Sweetheart, Established Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson, Doing Questionable Things For The People You Love, Eddie Munson Deals Drugs So That He and Wayne Can Keep a Roof Over Their Heads (It's Not Uncommon)

Based on actual things I've heard from people I've known over the years, all of whom live in poverty and do this as a means to survive. Also, this debate I keep seeing online about how it's "OOC" for Eddie, a character living in poverty, to be selling hard drugs. As if he didn't almost sell ket to Chrissy? As if he didn't perform a song about drugs while in the Upside Down? Anyway. He definitely sells, and he most definitely has tried drugs before. That's all I'll say on that. Title from "Master of Puppets" by Metallica.

💵——————💵 He fists the handle of his lunchbox tighter. It’s not the same one as before spring break, but it was the cheapest one he could find. Some dinky red one that showed up in a thrift store; dented and chipped, squeaking on the hinges, but just enough room for what he actually needed it for. And he needs to go now to use it, but Steve’s throwing a tantrum over this—or at least, that’s what it feels like.

“I just”—Steve’s voice cracks, hands flailing in front of him. He’ll break one of Wayne’s mugs if he isn’t careful, Eddie thinks sourly.—“I don’t understand!” he crows, “why aren’t you stopping with this shit? Especially after Chrissy?”

“That’s a low blow,” Eddie rumbles.

Instead of apologizing, though, Steve rolls his eyes, puts his hands on his hips, and scoffs. “I’m right, though. You know that I’m right.”

Eddie huffs. “Okay, fine,” he snipes. “Fine, let’s say you’re right. Which, sure, you are a little bit. I should stop, especially after what happened to…But I don’t think you get it. I really don’t think you get it, despite me explaining it to you already!”

And he has, is the thing. Steve’s picked fights over this arrangement Eddie’s had with Rick countless times before. He’ll be making dinner and Eddie will say, “I have to go…got some business.” And Steve’ll huff, throw down whatever utensil he’s using, scowl as Eddie is walking out the door—doesn’t matter which place, it could be the new trailer or Steve’s new-ish apartment, he’s walking out. He’ll go distant for a couple hours afterwards, not wanting to touch, not wanting to talk. Which hurts, Eddie can admit. He knows Steve is trying to make a point, but if he could stop making it so direct and sharp, that would be great.

He squeezes his hand tighter again, the metal handle creaking with his strength. Blinks. Steve shifts in front of him, one foot in front. Hands still on his hips, like he’s scolding Eddie—maybe that’s really what he’s doing, now that he notices, like Eddie is some misbehaving child. He rolls his eyes at the realization.

“Explain it to me again,” Steve finally chuffs.

Eddie blows out a long, unrelenting breath. Sits back down in one of the breakfast nook dining chairs, knowing there’s no way to get around Steve to the door. Even if there’s a second door out to the porch, walking away is a big no-no in their relationship. So he sighs again, settling back in his seat. “It’s because”—he starts slowly—“I need to make end’s meet. Wayne and I need this money, Steve.”

“Why not just get a job?” Steve asks—for the thousandth time, mind you. “And…And I’m sure Wayne makes enough at the plant! You don’t need to do this dangerous thing, you don’t need to”—

“I do!” Eddie shouts, jaw closing tight, molars grinding together. Finally, after what seems like eons in this argument, Steve is startled into complete silence. His hands fall away from his hips. His eyes widen. He even takes a step back. Eddie hates that he did that, but a part of him recognizes that it was deserved. Quiet as a mouse, “I do, Steve. I do need to do this. Wayne doesn’t make enough at the plant, I don’t know why you assume that shit. But he doesn’t. He makes like…a few bucks over minimum wage, which sure as hell isn’t a lot—I’m sure you know that, with Family Video and all—it’s less than what he made before spring break. Can’t get myself a job, Steve. Nobody wants to associate themselves with a Munson.”

Not that they really did before, he thinks bitterly. His dad, Al, really did a number. Really made himself a spectacle in Hawkins’ police department. Made himself a home within a maximum security prison. But he’s not willing to explain this all again to Steve—they’ve had this conversation what feels like years ago, but was surely only a few months.

He continues, shaking with an undercurrent of both anger and a sour sadness. “I have to do this, Steve,” he speaks quieter than before, “I know it’s dangerous. Somebody could come up with a knife or a gun or beat me black and blue, I’d barely know what’s happening. I’m a runner, sure, but I ain’t a fighter. And…I know what I do. The shit that I supply to Hawkins? This is the kind of shit that gets people killed. The kind of shit people make money for.

“Nothing about what I do is ethical. I get that. I know, in fact. My job relies completely on people’s desires and none of those desires are healthy or good or safe. Hell, I should know, it’s what got me the job in the first place.” And, well, he hasn’t said that out loud before.

Steve must realize that because he’s coming closer, sitting across. Trying to reach his hands out, but backtracking almost immediately. Like Eddie’s something untouchable now, something feral. Like he might bite the hand. Yet Steve still speaks to him, brokenly, too quiet, “What? What do you mean?” A devastation Eddie never wanted to know.

He levels Steve with a stare. God, he really doesn’t want to explain this. “Steve,” he breathes. “I…You think I’d sell a bad supply?” Eddie asks rhetorically. Still, Steve tries to open his mouth to answer, but Eddie stops him with a palm out, letting it slither back to the tabletop. His other hand fiddles with the squeaking handle of his lunchbox. Speaking low again, he admits, “I was going to do ket with Chrissy the night she came over.” He remembers the way he was going to dim the lights even more, how he was going to let her pick a movie, how he was going to hold her hand just in case. “I was going to sit on my uncle’s sofa, while he was out working, making good and honest money. And I was going to show her how to use it. Was gonna sit right there”—and he points at the middle seat of the floral sofa—“and have her on my right. Was going to get a minimal high and sit with her until she came down from her own.”

Across from him, Steve swallows hard. But his head is turned towards the couch, when Eddie looks back. His hands are fisted tight in front of him. Settled heavy on the table. He doesn’t blink, doesn’t speak. Just keeps staring at that spot. Like maybe he’s seeing just what Eddie was going to do. Like maybe he’s taking in the reality of this awful livelihood. Like maybe he’s understanding, even if the tightness of his jaw wants to stop learning.

When Steve still doesn’t look his way, Eddie admits in a murmur, “I do some kind of drug with all my first timers, whatever they want. When Tommy came over for weed for one of your parties? I smoked with him. Wanted to make sure he knew what he was doing. Wanted to make sure he’d be able to show all of you guys. Wanted to make sure he wasn’t gonna get sick on me. And I did the same with…I’ve done cocaine with Billy Hargrove. Any time somebody wants something from me, when they’re a first time client, I sit with them. It’s the one time that rivalries go out the window.”

Steve finally looks back to him at that. An unreadable expression on his face. Somewhere between aching and awful understanding, but there’s still a question in him, yet he doesn’t speak.

“Wish I could stop doing this as my job. But for now, this is what I do. Not all of it is easy. Have to be lucrative, quiet. Sometimes people get pissed at my prices and threaten to sell me out to the cops, as if they aren’t doing something illegal, too. And, yes,  I do get weapons pointed at me from time to time, robbed then and there. I’ve seen one person overdose, which was horrific in its own way—called an ambulance and everything. I’ve seen people waste away right in front of me.

“And I”—he sighs a grievance. Long and suffering. Rubs his fingers at his temples, the inevitable headache that will burn him alive from this.—“I’ve been guilty for a good portion of my life, Steve. It’s my fault that a lot of people end up the way they do, maybe not entirely, I can see the defiance in your eyes. But I do play a part. And…I try my best to avoid them after some time, but that’s not always my call. Sometimes Rick agrees with me. Sometimes he pushes me back out there to get a specific person’s money—especially if their family is a high earner.

“Chrissy probably would’ve been a returning customer. Just like Tommy and Billy were. Like Jason was at one point. I hate that. I hate knowing that I’m supplying them. I hate that I know what it’s like to be in their shoes, returning and returning and returning. It’s why I denied the heavy painkillers back in the hospital. It’s why I refuse to let you have more than weed in my supply, even if all you want is something to make you knock-out. It’s why I do my best to sell as infrequent as possible.

“But business calls, sweetheart. I’ve got a debt to Rick. Groceries need to be bought. The power needs to stay on. And especially, I’m not going to let Wayne down. If something happens to me, it’s one less mouth to feed.” With that final statement, he stands up from his seat. Walks around the table with his lunchbox and gets as far as his hand on the knob before Steve is tugging on him. He whirls back around with a bitter retort on his tongue, but is stopped in his tracks by Steve’s impossibly wider eyes and an incessancy to his expression. He raises his eyebrows in silent question.

“Let me come with you,” Steve rushes out.

“Steve, no, that’s”—

“Just to make sure you’re safe, that’s all. I don’t want to see Wayne mourning again, please. I don’t want to mourn—I won’t…I promise I won’t intervene unless something gets serious. I promise.”

Eddie stands idle, contemplating. His chest is caving in. “I don’t want to drag you into my mess. I don’t want you to get hurt. You can’t even be there all the time,” is what he settles on.

However, Steve just takes that in stride. “I know, but I can be there today. I was probably going to go home and wait for you to call me afterwards. It’s just the one deal…right?”

“Yeah,” he answers quietly. Tries not to think of Steve at home biting at his fingernails, gnawing down to the bone until he gets that phone call. Like he’s imagined Wayne doing from time to time. But he fails, because of course he does. He’ll always fail to say no to Steve’s eyes; those pleading, loudly expressive ones of his. “If you come with, you have to wait in the car. Only come to the picnic table if I’m not back in fifteen minutes. It’s just a weed deal, shouldn’t be anything more than that. But I don’t want them to spot you. You hold priority over the money, always.”

Steve gets up from his seat. He holds steady and firm to Eddie’s arm. A murmur from his chest, “I wish you didn’t have to do this. But…I promise I’ll be better about it.”

“I…I know you will,” he whispers, “and I know this isn’t easy for you, either. I’m sorry.”

Against Eddie’s shoulder, Steve lays his cheek. Squishing it up his face, squinting his left eye. “Maybe one of these days we’ll go and find ourselves something better? And I'm sorry, too...I just get so worried, Eds. I love you too much, y’know.”

Eddie squishes his own cheek atop Steve’s head. “I love you,” he breathes into Steve’s hair. His free hand reaches over and holds Steve’s closest one. Squeezes once. “We’ll talk about it later, though, okay? For now, I just need to do this. I’ll even let you pick the music in the car, how’s that?”

“All I want is for you to not go somewhere that I can’t follow or find you in. But sure, I’ll put in a Queen tape. See how long it takes until you get sick of my singing voice.”

“Never, sweetheart. Never.” And he’s not quite sure which part of Steve’s statement he’s saying that to. He knows he won’t go far, though. Not with Steve tailing after him.

💵——————💵

[donna-rinascimentale]

hiya! hope you doing well.

would you elaborate on the interpretation you were talking about in your Labyrinth post tags? what you said was really interesting and I never thought about it that way! 👀

also, hope you had fun watching! ✨✨✨

certainly.

i’d always been subscribed to the interpretation that the labyrinth is a metaphor for navigating coming of age, that the end of sarah’s hero’s journey is a means of balancing adult maturity with never losing a child’s sense of wonder and imagination. the fandom has thought up tons of explanations for where jareth falls in this scenario. is he a tangible antagonist, actively trying to get sarah to slip back into her old childish ways? a metaphor for adulthood, all that sarah is and isn’t ready for?

i think he’s all sarah’s creation. so does jim henson.

“He represents a lot of things that are a part of Sarah's world, what she's trying to figure out and what she's going through. … [Jareth] has no reality except what Sarah gives him, which she can constantly change.”

sarah seems to be very genre-savvy. she reads lines from a play titled the labyrinth, and she recognizes the puzzle of the two guards and implies she’s practiced it before in case she’d happen to encounter it. here, the labyrinth is a product of sarah’s fantasy, by which she navigates her adolescence and her parents’ divorce and her perceived lack of autonomy in a manner typical of a seasoned fantasy reader.

sarah is well aware that every fantasy hero needs a villain. the likeness she gives hers is that of her mother’s costar—as the former mrs. williams is a stage actress, shown in the photo on sarah’s vanity of her posing with a fellow actor who looks just like this jareth. sarah made jareth, made him as beautiful and dangerous as she believed he should be.

sarah made jareth.

to jareth, god is a sixteen-year-old girl.

imagine god, calling you by name, crowning you a king and giving you beauty and power. you were quite literally born for this. all you know is this role, building yourself and your kingdom just the way god wishes it.

then, god turns herself away from you.

you may feel betrayed. hollow, like you’ve been stripped of everything that makes you you. “you made me this way,” you might say.

Everything! Everything that you wanted, I have done. You ask the child to be taken, I took him. You cowered before me, I was frightening. I have reordered time, I have turned the world upside down, and I have done it all for you.

“i was playing the role you put me in. what was i made for, if not you?

i can’t live within you.”

Just fear me, love me, do as I say

“let me play the role of villain, the role you made me to fill.”

and I would be your slave.

“your will be done.”

god is a sixteen-year-old girl who hasn’t yet figured out the way she wants to be worshipped. it’s a heavy burden, trying to satisfy someone who doesn’t know what she wants.

but there is hope for jareth.

fandom rarely debates on how to interpret the barn owl at the beginning of the film. we’re pretty much in consensus that it’s a manifestation of jareth, but that’s never given much thought.

when sarah asserts her power and escapes the labyrinth, jareth has once again taken the form of the owl. in the final scene, when sarah celebrates with her friends from the labyrinth, reconciling her love of fantasy with her maturity and self-growth, jareth flies away, smaller and smaller until he’s gone. here we turn to the age-old metaphor of flight as freedom.

in moving away from escapism and becoming an active participant in her own life, sarah has freed jareth from the role of villain. none of the friends in her room are human. be reminded again that jareth bears the likeness of a man present (at least tangentially) in sarah’s real life, who would likely feel disheartened knowing he’s blamed for something beyond his control.

because sarah has no more need for a jareth, there is no more jareth. and that’s arguably best for both of them.

(p.s.: i go to the theater tomorrow! i have a sarah-esque outfit put together and everything. thanks for wishing me well & know tomorrow can’t come soon enough for me… this film has been among my favorites for many many many years and each watch makes me find more to love. best cult i’ve ever joined)

[hanna-kin]

Simon and the two balls

There seems to be a small debate on whether or not Simon wanted to make Wille jealous or not and I'm team hell yeah, he definitely did. I think it's very very obvious.

Before I continue I just want to make it very clear that I back him up on hundred percent both in his jealousy and with his other mistakes this season. I understand him completely and I think it was refreshing that he was allowed to be human.

He had just been through hell and more and Wille was a huge part of the reason why he was feeling like he did. Of course he was hurting because of Wille and wanted to hurt him back. It's not a mature response but a very natural reaction, human reaction. More importantly his jealousy was important for the story to like for instance @grizviser has pointed out in several posts. He also needed to still have feelings for Wille or there would be no reason to root for them and no reason to want them back together. Had it been only Wille chasing after Simon and watching Simon happily move on it would have been a very imbalanced relationship. And boring. And pointless.

But now back to the two balls, the dodge ball and the masquerade ball.

First we have the dodgeball scene that takes place almost right after Simon learnt about Felice and Wille.

So of course he's hurt and angry about it. Because it's making him feel alot of things.

And he does let Wille know pretty loud and clear by throwing that ball as hard as he possibly can.

And the challenging look afterwards as Wille awkwardly moves to the side with a small "yikes" written on his face.

I think Wille got it pretty clearly. Simon made his point clear.

If this isn't a look that screams pissed, I don't know what is. He was so hurt and angry at Wille for kissing Felice, because he doesn't want Wille with other people. He wants Wille to fight for him. He doesn't want Wille to let go because he can't let go. Because he still loves Wille.

And if that doesn't convince you, the scene afterwards definitely should. He waa very clear about his feelings about Wille and Felice.

He didn’t expect Wille to call him out on his behaviour about being angry about Felice when he himself was with Marcus. It definitely made him defensive.

He once again tries to provoke Wille with his listing of every reason why Marcus is a good choice for him, a better choice. To me it felt like it was an attempt to get Wille to fight for him harder again. But maybe it was also a way to try to convince himself.

And then thinfs got a little heated and it feels like he wanted Wille to hurt but when he ended up doing it, it made him feel terrible afterwards, because he's not a shitty person and he didn't like seeing Wille hurt.

And then we have the masquerade ball.

Simon, of course, arrives with Marcus. And from the get go we see him look for Wille in the crowd.

In my opinion it feels like maybe he was giving it another try to see if he could provoke something out of Wille again.

He wanted Wille to see him there with Marcus, hence why he keeps looking around for him to make sure Wille can see him.

He drags Marcus to the dancefloor and when he notices Wille he tries to make Marcus to dance even more with him so Wille can see him being intimate and moving on, likely hoping it will spark something in Wille.

Little does he know Wille has already given up and made himself ready to let Simon go forever.

Little does he know Wille cried as he made himself ready because he had given up and thought Simon was happier without him.

He wanted Wille to be jealous but he didn't want Wille to stop fighting for him.

And so when Wille walked up to them and silently gave them his blessing, Simkneas confused. He didn't expect Wille to take the highroad like that and he definitely didn't expect Wille to let him go.

Even if Wille did what he thought Simon wanted him to do Simon went pretty much:

Nope

He doesn't want Wille do be okay with him and Marcus. He doesn’t want Wille to say he isn't in love with him anymore. He doesn't want Wille to me cordial and nice to Marcus. He doesn't want Wille do give Marcus a compliment.

So it fruatrates and scares him.

So of course he chases after Wille, leaving Marcus right there.

I always smile a little at his "I'm just trying to move on"

He's so frustrated because it's not fair that Wille is letting him without a fight. It's not fair that Wille is so okay with it. So he has to justify it to Wille and to himself.

I'm just trying to move on

Yes, Simon, he knows and he's trying to let you. Even if it kills him.

The only problem is that he doesn't want to move on. And his whole plan to make Wille jealous just backfires. Instead of it having the affect he wished for he almost loses Wille forever because Wille is just tired of fighting when it feels like Simon doesn't want to.

So he's ready to let go. But Simon is not.

Thankfully it ends in probably the prettiest ans most vulnerable scene of of the entire show.

[persmo]

Let's talk about: Fakeclaimers and Internet, pt.2

So... This is a part 2 of our previous post about fakeclaimers and internet, so if you want to read the previous part you can, but you don't need it to understand this one

We already said that fakecalimers are just wild, they want to target systems and mock/troll them, that's not surprise

But something that I have seen that makes me question if the systems online really understand how internet works is because the reaction that they have with them, and it always confuse me

As I previously said, I was very angry about fakeclaimers, I was in that whole thing of why the're wrong because they target us and some sys friends in the past, and we evolved just to ignore them and get out of those spaces, and that made us realize how dumb is fakeclaiming at certain level

All the bases for the fakeclaming regarding OSDDID systems are just bullshit, that you have many alters, that you don't have enough alters, that you can talk about trauma, that you can't talk about trauma, that you know your system and alters, that you don't know your system and alters. Fakeclaimers just want to fakeclaime everything without knowing about the information about systems, they're just haters

Try to reason with one is useless, you're just gonna horribly frustrate yourself, you're not going anywhere and you're giving the fakecalimers the attention they want

You can't win in a debate or talk with a fakeclaimer cause they don't fucking care about you nor your arguments, they just wanna hate on you

So why give them what they want? Just ignore and block them

They're just a random in the internet, they don't know more about you than yourself, they're not a professional in mental health and expert in OSDDID, and if they are, they didn't studied your case close enough and with a good amount of time to know if your faking or not; they just can't know something like that by just looking through your post, videos, profile, etc.

The one who can know if you're faking is you and your psychologist/psychiatrist, not some random user on the internet, so why get mad about it? They can never know, so stop getting mad about it, if they choose to fakeclaime you is because they saw in you an easy target and it's a you thing to give them the reason or not about being an easy target

Also I think is dumb how systems online get mad or drive crazy when they get fakeclaimed in internet, it's the internet, everyone will hate and attack on everyone

When you make yourself a public system in the internet you should know and be aware that you will eventually get fakeclaimed

So yeah, it's dumb and effortless to be mad or something like that when the internet act like the internet. I'm not saying that if you feel bad for that you're a loser or dumb or something like that, just that you need to be aware that being fakeclaimed is a possibility and you should be mentally prepare for that, if you can't stand being fakeclaimed you shouldn't be a public system online

Cause yeah, even us that we did this post get mad or angry when people fakeclaimed us, but then we calm ourselves knowing that strangers have power on us only if we gave it to them, and we won't

If a fakeclaiming affected you is totally valid, you can take a rest, quit socials, bloq and react however you like, just be aware that when you decided being publicly a system you signed for the whole package, fakeclaiming including, and it's your responsibility to act and react mature enough with the topic without minimizing your emotions and feelings

Sorry if I sounded rude or something, but I needed to take this out of my body, this and the first part, if you want to comment, ask or discuss about the topic I'm completely open in comments and DM. Remember to take care, and don't pay attention to those trolls

[enchantedlandcoffee]

Hey guys, this is my first fic rec post ever but I am going to try and do this every month to celebrate the amazing creators in this fandom. This months will include some of the fics I've read since the start of the year (unfortunately can't include them all because of how many there are).

Wild Love by purpledaisy (130k) -

Explicit - Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson (Fake Dating AU - kinda)

"Good," Julia says, clearly pleased to have them both uncomfortable and unable to look at each other. "Now, I only have one more question before you can go. What are you planning to do when this experiment ruins your friendship?"

"We said we'd stay friends no matter what," Harry says smoothly, his chin lifting in defense.

"That was our one thing going into it," Louis agrees. "Stay friends no matter what."

Julia raises a perfectly manicured brow, "That's all fine and good. But I hope you realise your emotions aren't going to realize this is an experiment in the end. If one of you falls for the other and finds out those feelings are not reciprocated, you're not going to be able to laugh it off as a social experiment. I'm not saying you shouldn't do this, I'm just hoping you've considered all the possible outcomes."

-

AU: Two best friends try to date each other for forty days. It's supposed to be fun until emotions make it complicated.

Behind closed doors by bluegreenish @greenblueish (10k)

Explicit - Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson (Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Friends with Benefits to Lovers)

"You should ask that whoever he's currently fucking."

Liam’s eyes grow wide.

“No.” His tone is unbelieving, just like Louis’ would’ve been if you had told him what turn today would take.

“Yes.”

“How do you know?”

Louis’ room mate’s eyes barely leave him as he tries to untie his shoes without looking.

“Went to his dorm earlier, found a sock on his door handle. He’s such an arsehole.”

or, the one where omega Louis finds a sock on alpha Harry's door handle that causes a big misunderstanding but is also the beginning of something new.

Never Thought I'd Be Missing the Heat by larry_hiatus @larry-hiatus(5k)

Explicit - Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson (Harry misses Louis AU)

Harry has always hated cigarettes, but when that’s the only piece of Louis that he has left after their breakup, he ends up chain smoking while touching himself to try and get that taste of Louis back.

You Can Hear It In The Silence by Imogenlee @imogenleefic(234k)

Explicit - Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson (Roommates AU, Idiots in Love)

When Harry Styles received acceptance into a post-grad degree, he knew he could no longer afford his flat leaving him with three options:

1) Moving back into student halls. 2) Becoming homeless. 3) Moving in with his best (and only) friend, Niall, and three of Niall's other friends. He ended up choosing the third option. But it was a close race. Shame one of his new housemates reminded him why he only has one friend. If Louis Tomlinson had to choose one thing couldn't stand, it would be pretentious tossers, having grown up around enough of them. If he had to choose something he couldn't live without, it would be his friends. So he was proper thrilled to move in with his best mates and a couple of other lads. That was until he discovered one of them was the archetype for a pretentious tosser.

In the interest of seeing out the twelve-month lease without killing each other, they both try (debatable) to get along despite believing they were opposite in almost every conceivable way, each having the communication skills of a cucumber, and secrets that had no business be kept secret.

Will Love Be There by lululawrence @lululawrence (13k)

Mature - Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson (Fake/Pretend Relationship AU)

Louis didn’t care who he had to pay or how much, but he was pretty sure he would give his entire life’s savings and a year’s salary if it meant that whatever was causing someone’s fucking phone to ring would stop.

The person calling must have gone to voicemail, because it stopped ringing and vibrating, but it started up again almost immediately.

“Make it stop,” Louis whined. He lifted his head enough to pull the pillow out from beneath it and smothered his head to dull the sound. “Oh shit, I think I’m gonna puke.”

“Just be sure to get out of bed first, please,” a deep, gravelly voice said from right beside Louis.

“Holy fucking shit!” Louis cried in surprise as he shot up in bed.

Or the one where Louis attends a Steve Aoki concert and accidentally ends up with a husband.

Devil in my brain, whispering my name by lunarheslwt @lunarheslwt (9k)

Explicit - Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson (Angel/Demon AU)

“Tell me, angel, are you curious? To know what it’s like, to be touched…” Louis tapped his lip lightly, “here?” A short, harsh breath fanned across his finger. “Or,” Louis drawled, bringing their hips together with a sharp pull, making Harry gasp once again, louder, “here?” “Louis…” “Or maybe even,” Louis skimmed a taunting hand past the curve of his clothed arse, merely grazing, “here?” Harry shuddered viscerally. “Please.” “So polite, so proper,” Louis mocked, “will you let me taint you just a little, hmm? Let me show you how good it feels to give in to temptation?”

Or, Louis, a demon, shows Harry, an angel, just how good it can feel to give in to temptation and sin.

Wed'n Walk (Or, We Went to Amsterdam Together) by HelloLovers13 @hellolovers13 (11k)

Explicit - Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson (Fake Marriage, Friends to Lovers)

When Harry had first started planning his honeymoon to Amsterdam, he had not envisioned ending up there with his best friend.

Or getting fake-married to him for 24 hours.

Station 28 by justahappycloud @justahappycloud (10k)

General Audiences - Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson (Enemies to Friends to Lovers)

Some people meet by accident. Two unassuming worlds that weren't supposed to even graze each other clash, and in an unexpected twist of destiny, they fuse into one. It's destructive. It's life changing. It's, unequivocally, a complete and utter mess. Darling, you are my favourite accident by far.

stars are just burning rocks in space by Red___PANdaa @red-pandaaa (21k)

Mature - Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson (Strangers to Lovers)

He was fully prepared to end their short encounter there, leaving the boy to go back to the party and his life, probably already forgetting about Harry in the morning.

“Hey, this probably sounds really weird, but do you wanna get out of here?” Blue Eyes asked, finally letting go of Harry’s arm.

Harry narrowed his eyes slightly. “Doing what?”

The boy’s eyes sparkled as he answered, “go on an adventure!”

OR

Where Harry and Louis meet at a party and spend the night together.

Teach me how to love by perfectdagger (sincerlyste) @perfectdagger (70k)

Explicit - Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson (Strangers to Lovers, Friends to Lovers)

Louis can’t believe he’s third wheeling, again, so he scans the bar trying to find something better to do.

And as he does, he recognizes a face.

That face looks angry, almost fuming and Louis takes a gulp from his beer and looks to the other side, pretending he didn’t even see the bloke, pretending he has no clue who that person coming over his way is.

“You’ve told everyone and their mother that I’m a bad fucker?!”

That’s how Harry greets him.

Smooth.

Not really.

The one in which Harry is bad at sex and Louis spreads it all over town and to make up for it, decides to help him with no agenda of getting anything from it, but in the end, he ends up getting more than he bargained for.

[hyperfixingfr]

CW for the whole torra situation 🥴 last post.

LAST POST ON THIS because some of you actually believed it when Torra flipped their shit and tried to twist everything around like a five year old who got caught taking from the cookie jar

- I did not directly call Torra a pedophile and if I somehow did I apologize. I used the word "pedophilia" to describe the creepy age gap. That is NOT calling them a pedo. That is calling the PAIRING pedophilic in nature. For someone who claims they don't want their words twisted, you sure do it a lot to other people!

- I didn't even WANT it to escalate it to a call out post/warning to the fandom. A matter of fact, I tried to avoid that by commenting on the original post questioning some things that I could've explained further had they not decided it would be completely appropriate and mature to make a whole passive aggressive POST (now deleted and rather incorrectly) dissecting my comment instead of debating it calmly with me. Every person in this fandom who has EVER had an interaction with me where I question their thoughts knows I'm never trying to work against you if it's clear you wish to learn and be educated as to how what you said made some people feel, or how it may of come off. They responded to me in a very immature way that showed they didn't want to have the debate - and the call out post went up for the vast majority of the fandom who obviously want to avoid such content.

- I never implied they were shipping the two as minors. I have tried VERY hard to acknowledge in these posts and make it clear that I know exactly what they're saying and them being "far into adulthood" doesn't change the immoral factors. "BuT tHe LaW sAyS-" the law banned abortion. I don't think you should base your morals off the law.

- Torra tried to backtrack on the whole shipping thing by claiming it was, "just a proposed dynamic" and "not even a ship" or something along those lines. Considering this is still on their profile (with underlined text to call out their lie for those who might have trouble finding it) it's really bold to try and come back like that.

Even if you don't directly ship them, obviously you proposed the idea in a positive light. THAT'S what people are mad at you for. And it shows right here that you proposed the idea to be "cute". Also while admitting you knew the gap was 4 years (possibly 5-6 if you count the gaps within lore knowledge because we can't ever know for sure unless given official information that proves it wrong!)

- Torra is 31. That is DOUBLE MY AGE. I really think it should say a lot that they've decided to blow this whole thing out of proportion since the very beginning despite me really only wanting to educate about why the romantic pairing is still immoral. The vast majority of people obviously agree with me on it, and I've even changed the opinions of two people who originally sided with Torra after explaining why it was immoral. Torra is handling this poorly, to say the least. I mean... Directly tagging my user in a post that goes absolutely HAM on me trying to back down on things and twist the situation (which didn't NEED to be a situation!) is so incredibly immature I can't even believe they would have such guts for it. I'm sorry for calling you out on something the entire fandom is uncomfortable with for moral reasons but YOU decided to hand me a passive aggressive "I stay right where I stand" response. Warning the fandom about the "dynamic proposal" you had in the tags knowing that the entire active fandom would feel uncomfortable or even TRIGGERED if they saw your post shouldn't sound crazy or bad to any normal person lol.

- some of you are gonna be peeved at me for this one but I am NOT mad at Torra (for the most part... As long as those death threats I've gotten weren't supported by them) and I'm actually hoping they get their act together and just... Own up to it. I literally wouldn't care if they just got up and said, "okay, I've educated myself and I no longer support the pairing". As much as I would have preferred they'd have done that from the start, it's not like people can't fix themselves later on. I doubt they'll wanna because they seem very grounded with their idea but I've got hope for it.

Thanks for those who've sent me best wishes since I have gotten nasty messages over it. And on that note... I hope to god none of you sent any of the sort to Torra. I get they're being immature but holy shit, there's nothing more immature than SENDING NASTY MESSAGES 😭 sit your ass down. You can write the messages onto a crusty piece of paper and burn it when you're done if you really have to. Do not send it to them or their supporters. EVER. Thanks

[summerwritesfics]

🌎Love I’d Never Hurt You

Pairing: Shang Tsung/Kuai Liang Length: 5261 Words Rating: Mature Warnings: Serial Killer/Detective AU, Detective!Kuai Liang, Serial Killer!Shang Tsung, Detective!Bi-Han, Murder, Graphic Description of Corpses, Stalking, Death Threats, Minor Character Death, Gun Violence, Obsession, Obsessive Behaviour, Possessive Behaviour, Blood And Gore, Bombs (Except Not Really), Pinned Down, Abduction (Sorta I guess lmao even Kuai doesn’t know for sure if that’s what’s happening to him), NSFK (Not Safe For Kuai), Shang Tsung Is Very Creepy (Honestly he came out way creepier than I was intending)

Meanwhile In Another Universe Masterlist

Notes: NGL I debated posting this or not, but honestly don’t think it’s any darker than some other stuff I’ve posted so 🤷🏻 Like upon re-reading Shang Tsung did come out way creepier than I originally intended, but I mean… he’s a serial killer so it kinda works. Also tfw you dislike the police irl but love crime fiction. :’( I think the truly shocking thing about this fic is that I wrote a detective fic without Detective Hanzo Hasashi making an appearance, like tf. Title is from “The Horror Of Our Love” by Ludo.

Kuai was almost thankful to be called out of the office.

Granted, he was going to investigate a suspected homicide, and that should not have been something he was eager to attend. He felt even worse that such a thing was definitely a welcome distraction from whatever the hell was going on with Bi-Han right now.

The case Bi-Han was currently working on had seemed to consume his very being. Every waking hour was spent obsessing over a mysterious serial killer. The murders were almost clinical, like whoever was committing the acts was performing experimental medical procedures. Things like organ transplants, but twisted, like trying to move the heart to where the stomach should be and vice versa. There were usually drugs in the victim's system that didn’t correlate to any known drug used in medicine. It was very strange and so far there had been very few clues to attach even a solid suspect or two to the case.

And Bi-Han was completely losing his mind over it.

“Brother, maybe you should take a break,” Kuai had tried to gently suggest. He’d flinched at the murderous glare Bi-Han had shot his way. “Clearing your mind may help you look at this at a different angle, and you do have other cases you haven’t even touched since-“ 

“I don’t give a shit about the other cases,” Bi-Han hissed, slamming his hands on his desk. “I care about this case, and catching this fucking bastard!” 

“But Brother-“ 

“No!” Bi-han swept his hands across his desk, sending everything on it flying off onto the floor in a loud clatter. If anyone else in the station heard it, they didn’t come to intervene. “This case is the only one that matters. And if you can’t understand why, then you can get the fuck out of my office.” 

“Bi-Han-“ 

“Get the fuck out!” 

Kuai realised he was fighting a losing battle, and left the office with his head hung low. 

It was after that he had been requested to go and attend the site of the suspected homicide, and he’d practically jumped at the chance. Honestly anything to get away from his brother for a little while. He hoped maybe when he was done and returned to the office, Bi-Han would have calmed down a bit, realised Kuai was right and they could go out for dinner or something. Kuai was kind of craving sushi at this point, and quite frankly big brother owed him a big apology for the way he treated him.

He spotted a police car pulled up outside an abandoned warehouse. This was his destination, however, it was strange that neither of the attending officers were outside waiting for him. He hit the breaks and parked up, before quickly jumping out. This area was extremely cut off from the rest of the city. Combined with the eerie silence he was starting to get a bad feeling about this.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his radio, clicking the button, “This is Detective Kuai Liang Song, currently on case 759. Could I request some back up? The initial police presence has not come to brief me, and I am currently in a very isolated spot. I believe it would be unwise of me to enter the building alone.”

There was a moment of silence, before a voice on the other end replied with “Sorry Detective, the majority of officers are attending a major incident on the other side of the city at this time. It could be hours before we can get someone to your location.”

“Major incident? How come I was not informed of this?” Usually something like that would have been alerted to all emergency services.

“I can’t say I know, the alert was sent out on all police radios.”

“Is there absolutely no one free?” He tried, slowly walking towards the door of the warehouse. He peered inside, but could see nothing.

“No, unfortunately all units are busy.” Dammit. Just his luck. It still seemed strange though, usually even when there was a major incident, a few officers were kept back to deal with smaller emergencies.

He looked around, the trees and foliage surrounding the warehouse were thick, so much so he couldn’t even see the city. He could, however, make out thick plumes of smoke just above the trees. It did look like it was quite a distance from where he was. At least it seemed the incident was somewhat real, although he wasn’t completely convinced this wasn’t someone hijacking the line to prank him.

“So, what do you recommend? That I stand down until I can receive back up?” He wasn’t completely defenceless. He had a gun, but he still felt it’d be preferable to have others who could raise the alarm depending on what he found inside.

“Are you sure the team already there just hasn't heard you turn up?” The voice asked. “Maybe you should go inside and look for them?”

“I-“ That was wrong. That advice was all wrong. No one at control would ever suggest he go in there alone. That bad feeling was getting worse. “I see. I will keep you informed of my progress.”

He slipped his radio back onto his belt, but stepped away from the entrance to the warehouse. As he did, he slipped his phone out of his pocket, only to curse when he found he had no signal here.

Instead of dwelling on that, he made his way over to the police car. Now he was looking, he could see the tires had all been slashed. Shit, I was right to be on high alert. He reached for the door handle, surprised to find the car unlocked. Another bad sign. He climbed into the driver's seat, hoping maybe to use that radio instead. Only he could see the cable to it had been cut.

“Shit.”

The sound of gunshots rang out and he instinctively ducked behind the dashboard. It went on for several seconds, before coming to a halt. He stayed hidden for as long as he could, before gingerly sticking his head out. Whoever had been shooting didn’t start again, and Kuai realised the police car seemed to be completely unscathed. That’s when he looked over to his own car.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” He scrambled out the police car, walking over to his own. It was littered with bullet holes, most specifically in his tires. The shots weren’t trying to kill him, just take away any method of escape he had aside from on foot.

“I recommend you come inside now, Detective,” the radio suddenly sparked into life again. “I would advise against running. I’d really rather not harm you, if possible, but I will shoot your legs if you force me to.”

Kuai plucked the radio from his belt, turning to glare at the warehouse. He couldn’t even see where this person could be.

“Who the fuck are you?” He growled eyes darting around the building hoping he’d spot a shadow or something.

“You’re going to have to come inside if you really want to know,” the voice chuckled, “then we can be introduced properly.” Kuai didn’t dare move, not until he figured out how to proceed. “I’d suggest you don’t keep me waiting, Detective. Like I said, I would really rather not hurt you.”

Kuai didn’t exactly know what choice he had at this point. He slipped his radio back onto his belt, replacing it with his gun instead. He swallowed, taking a deep breath before slowly pushing forward towards the warehouse’s entrance.

Inside was dark and dingy, and every shadow on the wall had Kuai jumping at the slightest movement and sound, even when it was something he had caused. As he entered what looked like it had once been the main storage area, he couldn’t help but think how empty it looked. That meant the two humanoid figures sitting on chairs stood out a mile.

This is a trap. It was so obvious, and yet Kuai, for reasons he couldn’t fathom, still went towards them. He held the gun up. It was clearly the two officers who’d come in before him, but they looked lifeless. He hoped to god they were just unconscious.

“Hello?” He chanced, but got no reply. “Can you hear me?”

Still no reply. Even so, he pushed on, rounding to stand in front of the officers.

Only to find their guts spilling out of their abdomens and onto the floor.

He wretched, stumbling backwards, desperately turning his face to look away from the sight in front of him. It was never easy to find dead bodies, especially in such a brutalised state as this. The officers weren’t people he was particularly close to, but they were still people he’d worked with on a nearly daily basis.

“Ah, hello there Detective.”

Kuai spun on the spot from where the voice had come from. It was the same one that had been on the radio. Standing behind him, was a man with long hair wearing a suit and his hands behind his back. Kuai didn’t take much notice of any further details though, as he aimed his gun at the stranger.

“Now, Kuai Liang, is there really any need for that?” The man asked, laughing slightly as he did and tilting his head. “And after I put in all this effort to get you here.”

“What?” That made it sound like this had all been deliberate. A coordinated effort to get Kuai, specifically, here. But Kuai had never seen this man before, and he didn’t have any current cases that felt like they fit these methods. “Who the hell are you?”

“My name is Shang Tsung,” the man replied, taking a few steps forward but pausing when Kuai straightened his aim slightly. “I am the one your dear elder brother is looking for.”

“You…” He didn’t finish the sentence, letting what had been said sink in instead. This man was claiming to be the serial killer of Bi-Han’s case. But… Who would just admit that? Especially to a detective? Kuai tried to steady his hands, realising they had started to shake. “If that is true, then you’ll be coming with me.”

Shang Tsung chuckled, finally moving his hands from behind his back. Revealing he was holding something. Kuai prepared to shoot, until he realised it wasn’t a gun. It was a strange silver cylinder. Kuai’s eyes flicked between the item and Shang Tsung, looking for an explanation.

“Please. Put the gun down, Kuai Liang.” Shang Tsung held up the cylinder as if to let Kuai get a good look at it. “This is a trigger to a bomb that is set up inside your brothers office.” Kuai’s mouth went dry as his eyes widened. “Put the gun down, and I won’t have to press it.”

“You’re bluffing,” Kuai hissed, squeezing the trigger of his gun. Really he wasn’t as good a shot as his brother, and wasn’t entirely sure he could shoot before Shang Tsung could press the button.

“Is that really something you're willing to risk?” That was unfair. If there really was a bomb in Bi-Han’s office, then it wouldn’t just take out his brother, but a lot of other people who had nothing to do with this case and even those with nothing to do with the police. And Kuai had no way to warn anyone.

Reluctantly, he took his finger away from the trigger, slowly bending over to put the gun on the floor.

“Kick it away,” Shang Tsung ordered, and as much as he didn’t want to, Kuai did as he was told. The gun went skidding across the floor, far out of his reach. Shang Tsung was positively glowing at this turn of events. “Good boy.”

Kuai stayed stock-still, even as Shang Tsung began to approach him. He wasn’t even sure he was actually breathing, all he could feel was his heart beating so hard in his chest it felt like it was trying to break through his ribcage. He blinked and then he found himself looking directly into the other man's eyes. Looking to his side, he saw Shang Tsung was still holding the trigger, thumb dancing over the button.

“Don’t,” Kuai begged in a whisper, feeling sick at the twisted grin that came over Shang Tsung’s face. He pressed his finger down on the button. “No!”

Jerking into action, he grabbed Shang Tsung’s wrist with one hand, the other practically wrestling the trigger from his hand. Despite it having already been pushed, it felt the only thing he could do at this point.

Except… 

When he took hold of it, he realised that despite how it looked, the trigger wasn’t metal. It was plastic. He could also feel that it was hollow inside. The more he looked at it, the more he realised it looked like some sort of fidget toy. His gaze slowly trailed up to Shang Tsung, who looked far too pleased with himself.

“It seems you were correct,” he gleefully exclaimed, “I was bluffing after all.”

The hairs on the back of Kuai’s neck stood on end. He attempted to dive forward, towards where his gun still lay on the floor, but Shang Tsung quickly grabbed him. In one swift motion, Kuai felt something knock into the back of his legs, causing him to fall backwards. Thankfully, he managed to avoid slamming his head on the floor, but then he felt a pressure on his abdomen as Shang Tsung got on top of him, pinning him down. He threw a fist, only for Shang Tsung to easily catch his wrists, and push them above his head. The floor next to him was wet, liquid soaking into his shirt, and as the metallic smell hit him, Kuai came to the horrific realisation he was lying in the officer's blood.

“Stop struggling,” Shang Tsung softly whispered, making sure he gripped both of Kuai’s wrists with one hand, while the other trailed along Kuai’s jawline. “I already said, I do not want to hurt you.”

“That’d be a lot more believable if I wasn’t lying next to the corpses of my colleagues,” Kuai hissed, squirming slightly and hoping he could knock Shang Tsung off him. Unfortunately that did not happen, and Kuai was slowly beginning to run out of steam with which to struggle.

“They were just meaningless fodder, Kuai Liang.” It was sick how someone could talk so callously about human life. “Not like you.” Kuai finally stopped trying to fight. He’d just end up wearing himself out. His head fell back slightly, and Shang Tsung lent forward, making sure he was still in Kuai’s field of view. “There we go, that’s better, isn’t it?”

“What do you want?” Kuai sobbed, trying so desperately to keep his composure. “Why are you doing this?”

“I need to talk with you, and I figured a written invite would go unanswered.” Shang Tsung’s fingers still gently laced Kuai’s face. A softness that directly clashed with the otherwise brutality of the man's actions. “I’ve been watching you for some time now.”

“What?” Kuai’s stomach twisted, his gaze fixed on Shang Tsung’s face. He looked so indifferent, like he didn’t realise or care how much that statement terrified Kuai Liang.

“Well, it started with me watching your brother, he is the detective on my case, after all, it would be stupid of me to not keep an eye on what he’s doing.” Shang Tsung’s hand reached behind Kuai’s head, undoing the tie that kept his hair up in a bun. “But I couldn’t help but find myself captivated by you.” His fingers ran through Kuai’s hair, causing Kuai to shudder under him. “My interest in him is professional. My interest in you is personal.”

“Please.” Kuai had no idea where this was going, he had no idea what he was pleading for. He just knew that he wasn’t sure he was going to make it out of this situation alive.

“Unfortunately, my fascination with the pair of you hasn’t gone unnoticed by my higher ups.” Shang Tsung kept playing with Kuai’s hair, sighing wistfully to himself as he did. “They believe my obsession with you both is impacting my work.”

“Your work?” Kuai questioned, finally noticing the quiver in his own voice. “Are you an assassin?”

Shang Tsung burst out laughing, “oh no, my dear, not an assassin. I’m a scientist. Everything I do is in the pursuit of science.”

Killing people for science? It sounded so fucking bizarre to Kuai. Then again, it would explain the strangeness of the deaths, the almost experimental nature of them. His victims were his guinea pigs.

“Regardless, they are not happy with the way my attention has been diverted.” He finally let Kuai’s hair fall between his fingers, watching in fascination. “They have decided it would be in their best interests to eliminate you both. That’s why I lured you here today. I wish to save you and your brother from their wrath, Kuai Liang.”

“Why should I believe you?” Kuai asked, flinching slightly when Shang Tsung’s fingertips once more trailed his face, specifically following the edges of the scar that ran across his eye. “You haven’t exactly given me much reason to trust your word.”

“I understand your hesitation.” To Kuai’s surprise, Shang Tsung actually released his wrists. As Shang Tsung pulled back, still sitting on Kuai’s lower abdomen, Kuai used his now free arms to prop himself up slightly. Shang Tsung’s hand disappeared into his pocket, and Kuai flinched slightly, expecting a weapon of some kind. Instead he pulled out a phone. “Here is a video of them discussing their plans to bring about your demise.”

Shang Tsung twisted the phone so Kuai could see the screen. The image looked like it was from the security camera of an office somewhere. There were three men standing inside, including Shang Tsung himself. A finger tapped the screen, and the video began to play.

“You are getting far too attached to those detectives, Shang Tsung,” one of the men said, the largest actually, towering above the others. “Your little obsession is getting in the way of your work.” He began to pace back and forth. “The elder one, I understand why you would keep an eye on, but the younger one is irrelevant to your work.”

“My surveillance on Kuai Liang is purely for personal reasons,” the Shang Tsung on the video replied. It looked like he was about to open his mouth to add something but the large man snapped back.

“I do not want to hear about your fucked up wet dreams about that brat,” the man spat, slamming his fist down on a nearby desk. “You are spending too much time on them, if you do not start to produce more results for me, I may be forced to take drastic action.” The man tilted his head. “Do you understand?”

“Clear as day,” Shang Tsung replied, bowing at the man slightly. The man just pointed to the door, and Shang Tsung sauntered out.

“You know he’s not going to stop, right?” The other man chimed up as soon as Shang Tsung was out of earshot.

“I am fully aware.” The tall man walked around the desk taking a seat. “Reiko, I have a job for you.”

“Am I to assume you wish me to make a visit to the dear detectives?” Reiko asked, and even on the zoomed out footage, Kuai could see the sadistic grin at the mere idea.

“The only way Shang Tsung is going to learn where his priorities should be is by taking away the things that distract him.” The man lent forward on the desk, linking his fingers in front of him. “As the younger one is clearly his favourite, make sure to do something extra special with him. Just to make the point clear.”

“I could decapitate him and present his preserved head as a birthday gift.” Both men burst out into laughter at that, but Kuai couldn’t help the high pitched whine that came from the back of his throat.

The video ended there, with Shang Tsung replacing the phone back into his pocket. Once more, his hand reached over to Kuai’s face to cradle it.

“You see.” He stroked Kuai’s face, and Kuai hated that he almost lent into it. “I just want to keep you and your brother safe.”

“Why?” Kuai asked, changing his position slightly, his arms starting to ache slightly from the weight of keeping himself up. “I mean. I understand why you want to save me, you have some… weird crush on me. But why Bi-Han? He’s trying to catch and stop you, wouldn’t it be more advantageous for him to be out of the picture?”

“Hm, well I’m a little hurt you think my crush on you is weird.” Shang Tsung pouted, his other hand now slowly caressing Kuai’s side. “But to answer your question, I rather enjoy the chase.” He gave a sloppy smile. “Killing really isn’t fun when there isn’t someone on your tail trying to stop you.”

So he enjoys the thrill, go figure. Shang Tsung could claim his kills were in the name of science all he liked, but at the end of the day, he was like anyone else who killed people for their own sick enjoyment. Kuai wasn’t sure if he should feel honoured or disturbed that he was apparently worthy of being more than just an experiment.

“So why lure me here and not Bi-Han?” Really, how the fuck Kuai got involved in any of this was questionable. Bi-Han had requested Kuai’s assistance a few times, but he had very little to do with the case. “If you’ve really been watching us, you’d know Bi-Han will do anything to catch you. If you’d have called him here, he’d have come running.”

“Oh, I’m very aware of that. The problem is, as you said, he would do anything to catch me.” Shang Tsung sighed and rolled his eyes. “He’d have shot me the second I attempted the bomb trick on him, let alone giving me a chance to explain my intentions.” He looked Kuai up and down. “From my observations however, he does at least seem to listen to you most of the time. It seemed most logical to get you on my side first and then attempt to contact your brother.”

Well. He supposed that was true. Kuai had lost count of how many times he was called away from something he was working on to go and try to calm Bi-Han down when his temper got the best of him. It was a joke around the station that Kuai Liang was Bi-Han’s morality pet, the only thing preventing him from becoming a serial killer himself. Kuai didn’t find that joke particularly funny however, given how uncomfortably close to the truth it was.

“So… What exactly do you suggest?” He was cautious to do anything with this man, but at the very least, it seemed Shang Tsung was genuine in his word that he did not wish to harm Kuai. Given the situation, he could have easily killed Kuai if he really wanted to by now.

“Call your brother, ask him to meet us at another location…” Shang Tsung trailed off as his eyes drifted over to the corpses beside them. “Somewhere other than here, anyway. I think we should let someone else clean this mess up.”

He’s talking like I had involvement in that. He glanced down, the one side of his suit was practically stained red from the blood that had seeped through it.

“I don’t have any signal here,” Kuai quietly informed him, hoping to god Shang Tsung wouldn’t get mad that he’d tried to call for help before coming in here.

“Well, we’ll be leaving this location anyway. You can just ring as soon as your signal returns.” Right. Kuai’s gut twisted, he should have realised that he would not be leaving this place alone. 

Finally however, Shang Tsung stood up and off him, and Kuai rolled onto his side, having not realised how uncomfortable it had been. Shang Tsung walked over to where Kuai’s gun lay discarded on the floor, bending over to pick it up.

“I hope you don’t mind if I keep hold of this, rather than returning it to you,” Shang Tsung said as he slipped the gun into his pocket. “Not that I don’t trust you or anything darling, but I think I’ve had my fill of seeing you pointing a gun at my face for one day.”

Kuai didn’t reply to that. What could he even say? He’d have much preferred to have the gun, even if he didn’t really intend to use it on Shang Tsung.

Thankfully Shang Tsung took his silence as agreement, as he walked over and held his hand out. Kuai reached for it, feeling the other man haul him to his feet. He stumbled slightly, not realising how dizzy the adrenaline had made him. He was surprised when Shang Tsung snaked an arm around his waist and let him lean his weight against him.

It also seemed this position allowed Shang Tsung the benefit of leading Kuai exactly where he wanted them to go. It wasn’t long before they were going through a backdoor in the warehouse. Back outside, Kuai saw another car parked behind the building, having been hidden from sight when he’d pulled in. Dammit, I should have looked around the outside more thoroughly. 

Disappointment in himself aside, Shang Tsung unlocked the doors, opening one and guiding Kuai to sit down in the front passenger seat. The door slammed behind him, and Kuai looked up in time to see Shang Tsung make his way around the front. Seconds later he was getting in the driver's seat, and starting the ignition.

“Keep an eye on your signal,” he instructed as he began to back out into the pathway. “As soon as you get some, tell me, and I’ll pull over.”

Kuai nodded, reaching into his pocket and keeping an intent eye on his phone. Really, focusing on that was at least grounding. If he didn’t, he had a feeling he’d be zoning out from how mentally exhausted he felt. Was he being abducted right now? He’d gone pretty willingly, yet at the same time somewhat by force. What was even happening to him right now?

He looked up briefly to find they were just joining the main road again. Glancing down he saw his signal go from nothing up to 3 bars. Typical. 

“I have signal.”

Shang Tsung made an affirmative sound, pulling the car up on the side of the road.

“There are some abandoned storage units on the other side of town, down by the river, ask him to meet us there alone by 6pm.” Shang Tsung turned on his seat as if to keep a close eye on what Kuai was doing. “Feel free to mention me, I’m sure it’ll get his attention.” Kuai sighed, because yes, that would get Bi-Han’s attention. “Oh, and put it on speaker. I want to hear his reaction.”

Kuai just sighed, pulling up Bi-Han’s contact info, hitting both the buttons to call and for it to be on speaker phone. The phone rang out. Come on Bi-Han, please answer. 

The phone clicked to life and Bi-Han’s voice called out clear as day, “what?”

“We need to talk,” Kuai started, staring straight ahead so he didn’t have to acknowledge the way Shang Tsung watched him.

“We’ve been over this. I am not giving up on this case,” Bi-Han growled on the other side. Kuai closed his eyes and grimaced. He couldn’t believe his brother was still holding onto that.

“It’s the case we need to talk about. I have a lead for you,” he said quickly, hoping it’d stop his brother going on another tirade.

There was a moment of silence, before Bi-Han questioned “what kind of lead?”

“Someone who wants to talk to you,” Kuai replied. He didn’t want to outright say he was in a car with a serial killer. Bi-Han would go completely off the rails if he did.

“What? Like a witness?” Bi-Han sounded so confused and Kuai knew that he had to tell him.

Kuai finally looked across at Shang Tsung, expression as smug as ever. But there was something else there now, a strange possessiveness in his dark eyes. Kuai had the feeling that even when everything was over, that Shang Tsung wasn’t going to just let him walk away from all this. As if to emphasise the point, Shang Tsung reached his hand forward again, wiping away a tear rolling down Kuai’s cheek, and then tucking a strand of Kuai’s hair behind his ear.

“I found your killer,” Kuai whispered, hating how wrecked his voice sounded.

“Kuai Liang,” Bi-han growled, the alarm clear in his voice. “Kuai Liang, where are you right now?”

“He hasn’t hurt me,” Kuai assured him, although was that true? Kuai ached in various places and he was sure there were some bruises forming on various parts of his body from the struggle.

“Where are you?” Bi-Han asked again, and Kuai could hear him shuffling in the background, no doubt grabbing his coat and anything else he’d need to come to Kuai’s rescue.

“He wants to meet you,” Kuai continued, once again resisting the urge to lean into Shang Tsung’s hand as he stroked him. “There’s some abandoned storage units down by the river. He wants you there by 6pm, but don’t bring anyone else.”

“Can he hear me right now?” Bi-Han was breathing heavily, and all Kuai could do was make an affirmative sound. “Listen here, you son of a bitch, if you so much as lay a finger on my brother-“

“He’s already told you that I have not hurt him,” Shang Tsung interrupted, eyes never leaving Kuai, giving an enamoured sigh as he continued to gently pat him. Kuai finally gave in, nuzzling into the hand. “I’m trying to save both of you, it’d be counter productive for me to harm either of you.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Kuai heard someone in the background asking Bi-Han what he was doing, but given there was no reply it seemed Bi-Han was laser focused on getting to the storage units.

“I’ll explain everything when we meet,” Shang Tsung calmly replied. “Like I said, I have not hurt your brother, and I would rather not if I can avoid it. Just focus on getting to the location.”

“I’m okay Bi-Han,” Kuai reaffirmed, although he’d probably sound a little more convincing if he didn’t have tears in his eyes. “We’ll explain everything when we meet you.” He smiled slightly at the phone, adding a quick “I love you.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I love you too.” Bi-Han sounded miserable, but in the background Kuai could hear the sound of an engine starting. “I’ll be there, just, stay safe.”

“You too.”

And with that Bi-Han put the phone down.

Before Kuai could do anything, Shang Tsung snatched the phone from Kuai’s hand. He opened his door, carelessly throwing the phone out, before slamming it shut again. If Kuai was to guess, it was to avoid him getting anyone else involved.

“Now,” Shang Tsung sighed, reaching to turn the key, “let’s go meet big brother, shall we?”

Kuai lent back in the seat, closing his eyes and hoping to god that this was all just a bad dream.

[terraliensvent]

i was mistaken

anons i come to you today with an apology, my previous post seems to be based on a metric fuckton of lies and misinfo

to start, im gonna link this post, which goes over the origin of this whole issue

im also gonna go ahead and be done with censoring red, since the cat's kinda out of the bag on their edentity and its necessary for proper proof. Red = legion in all screencaps

so after my post was dropped, Red was also making their own somewhat callout on TH. i dont know if it's been deleted since frankly I don't care to find it. anyways

my post and Red's callout were both dropped like bombs in terra server, there was a lot of arguing and zaga actually gave a screen recorded video of DMs they had on instagram with Red. this was pretty damning, and lots of people came back to Red to try and figure out what really happened, seeing as Red had presented the situation as:

they were banned unfairly and out of nowhere

they had no clue who could have made the complaint

the only person who could have made it was zaga, who had issues with them based on a debate months ago and they since hadnt really interacted with them

well this turned out to be a whole crock of bullshit!

first, red showed a screencap that their last interaction with zaga was actually a week ago as opposed to being a “months old issue that is getting dragged back up” (link)

then, Red sent these screenshots that completely changed the narrative. we went from "this guy i had an argument with a few months ago is trying to get me banned everywhere" now to "i was saying crazy shit about this guy and now theyre reasonably upset with me"

here's the full gallery of proof against Red, courtesy of zaga

and here's a discussion a few people had with zaga relating to it, gives some good context and really wraps the whole thing up

as a small afterword i want to apologize for playing a part in the spread of misinfo, hopefully this post is proper retribution for that (i do consider myself more of a reporter above all else) additionally, while it's clear now who is in the wrong/right here, there are still critiques to be made on the handling of the situation on the part of terraliens staff. The caginess with any sort of proof makes it difficult for someone to truly know what they're even being banned for, and what accusations they're defending against. the argument could be made that if proper context from staff was given, this situation wouldn't have even unfolded, but of course hindsight is 20/20. in the future it might be better to give better context or evidence to the banned person so they know what they're supposed to be proving incorrect, as opposed to saying "someone said you're harassing them, prove you didn't."

As for the others who played a part in spreading my post, I don't mean to speak for them, however it does seem like many are regretful after now seeing the full picture. since the argument was made that both sides should be heard, it was a pretty big oversight to not look for the OTHER other side in this; i think most are painfully aware of that now.

in conclusion:

do not harass anyone here. im gonna give all parties the benefit of the doubt and say that:

Legion is a misinformed, immature kid who really handled this like shit, and its probably best that theyre banned and blocked by zaga all things considered (this isnt a reason to like, pray on their downfall though. just ignore them at worst, sure they fucked up here but it seems they really just need to become more mature and learn more about best practices when interacting and dear god do not shit talk people like that)

Zaga was telling the truth about this situation. have whatever opinions you want to have about isopups or them outside of this, but there is no denying that legion presented a false situation and zaga was in fact being continually messaged and had rumors spread about them from legion

the outsiders/orbiters of the situation were given a false injustice and ran with it. personally i cant say i blame them a ton for wanting to spread the word about what seemed to be YET ANOTHER terra staff oversight, because so many people just want to bury their heads in the sand about every issue that goes on here. additionally, upon learning that the situation was severely different from how it was originally presented, many turned around and began critiquing legion for the shit they did.

i think thats about enough coverage of this, im gonna refrain from posting asks i get about the situation trying to paint a different picture since honestly it doesnt seem like it needs much more dissection. lets not beat a dead horse.

[k-rising]

Chenle's birth chart analysis

DISCLAIMER: This is just a part of the analysis of the idol's natal chart, which wants to show a deeper perspective on the idols life. This analysis is carried out thanks to the data that appears on the birth chart. The point of this post is to entertain. [This idol hasn’t confirmed his birth time, so I used the standard 12pm time to calculate his natal chart].

!!: since we don't know chenle's birth time, we have no idea if he's a scorpio or sagittarius sun. when this happens, we should analyse his sun with the traits of both signs.

this little man is passionate, intuitive and loyal. he can be considered as cold when you first meet him, but once he opens his heart you'll be able to see how protective chenle is with the people he loves. chenle is also very funny and curious, and tries to spread his positivity to the world. even though he's quite sociable, he considers few people as his true friends.

having sun square uranus can mean that he can have a love-hate relationship with his own personality, more specifically with his weird side. having this aspect means that he possesses an electrifying personality which can make others either hate him or love him... that's why it can be hard for him to open up easily.

chenle has his moon in the sign of aquarius, which makes him a stubborn person with a strong ego. he's emotionally distant, since he feels uncomfortable when expressing his emotions. this dude tends to rationalize his feelings and prefers dealing with his problems by himself. plus, he's emotionally mature with both his moon and mars making a trine with saturn and tries to be as objective as possible.

he also has the sign of aquarius as his mars sign, which makes him a rebellious, ambitious, independent and creative person. chenle needs a job where he can express his thoughts through art and being a singer was a very well made decision. however, I think that he will have more than one job, tho... I don't see him just as a singer... he would probably like having his own podcast or youtube channel where he can chat with his fans or something like that.

this placement also makes chenle a very argumentative and emotionally impulsive person. he probably gets mad easily and doesn't have a lot of patience.

chenle is very proud of his ideas with his sun conjunct mercury and sometimes he can be seen as a know-it-all.

he has both mercury and venus in scorpio, which means that he's good at keeping secrets, specially his own ones. when there's a debate, chenle will try to win it at all cost. this dude is smart and critical af. he likes to get to the heart of things, no matter the consequences.

when he has a crush, chenle is very observant and likes knowing the smallest details of that person. however, he doesn't like to reveal much about himself. this man is very daring once he decides that he wants to have something serious with someone. chenle wants to have a relationship that transforms him in some way. he wants to feel comfortable and safe with that special person. if you ever make him upset or do him dirty, it will be hard for him to forgive you right away.

even though he wants all of those things I mentioned earlier, chenle doesn't know what he really wants in a relationship; there's a clash here between his needs and his wants. I feel that he does love in an intense way and does get a little jealous from time to time, but he also wants to have some time on his own. chenle doesn't like clingy people, he prioritizes independency. I also feel that, since he's not good at expressing his feelings, that also plays against him. he's likely to have many experiences with many people to finally know what he really wants.

‧͙⁺˚･༓☾　𝑇ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑘 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑠𝑜 𝑚𝑢𝑐ℎ 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔! 　☽༓･˚⁺‧͙

[charbon-et-eau]

I recently discovered your account through Pixvi. I'm afraid to ask this question, but here goes. I hope not taken the wrong way. I genuinely like your ship art. I gotta wonder how old Brendan is, like, based on your headcanon wise? Forgive me. It's dumb to ask. (If that's the case, I tend to do the same with another Pokemon ship.) If you don't feel comfortable saying it, I completely understand. If you don't want to respond on post, I completely understand; I simply can on DM. Post a chocolate cake picture to let me know.

I've actually already answered this here. I like to hc him as an older teen. I try to reflect that in my art, but I tend to draw Brendan really cute, which probably makes him look younger to most people.

This should go without saying, but I am very much against adults trying to date 16 year olds in real life. However, in fiction, it's fair game. If fictional age gaps involving a teenager make you uncomfortable, that's valid. You're welcome to ignore my headcanons or unfollow/block me.

I just think it's an interesting dynamic to explore in fiction. And I'm actually feeling a bit chatty rn, so for anyone who's interested, I'm gonna expand a little bit on why I find this dynamic interesting under the cut.

For starters, I was a teenager once, and I definitely fantasized about how cool it would be to date someone older. Surely I wasn't the only teenager with fantasies like that, right? Of course, even as a teenager, I knew not to try to make that fantasy a reality.

I was a pretty smart and mature kid, but maybe a little too much. I matured way faster than I probably should have, and as a result, I was always very careful and never took any risks or did any of the stupid things that people usually associate with teens. I was safe (aka boring). I think sometimes I feel like I missed out on the true teenage experience by being too safe. And while that's probably for the best, it's nice to be able to still explore those scenarios through fiction by putting Brendan (or any other fictional character) in Situations.

The other main reason I like making Brendan a teen and sticking him in a relationship with an older man is because it kinda just makes sense given the setting of the source material. In the Pokemon world, it's perfectly normal for kids and teens to leave home and go on potentially dangerous adventures across the region. They can also become gym leaders and champions. I think it makes sense to imagine that kids in the Pokemon world are treated with a lot more respect and agency than in our reality. So it makes sense that the general population in the Pokemon world wouldn't really see any issues with young trainers getting into relationships with older ones. If these young trainers can command a team of up to six incredibly powerful magical creatures in battle, then why would it be weird for them to make out with an older cooltrainer behind the pokemart?

Whether or not this is a good or a bad thing is debatable. My point is that it's interesting to think about what the societal norms surrounding relationships with age gaps would look like in this setting. Also, I think it's funny to imagine Brendan's mom internally cheering "FUCK YEAH!" when she finds out that Brendan is dating the richest man in Hoenn instead of some loser collector or hex maniac that he found on a random route.

I could probably ramble about this more, but I think I've run out of steam for now. Anon, I'm so sorry for rambling, you didn't ask for any of this lol. But thank you for the ask!