#I was traumatized by my French teacher in high school

[lacependragon]

In fall of 2006, when I was starting seventh grade, my parents were in the midst of a divorce, my father was in the worst mental health state since I was a toddler, and my paternal grandfather, whom I wasn't close to, was dying. And I was separated, for two years, from my best friend in the whole world.

But the main thing I remember about these months is going to school one day, forgetting my homework, and then having the entire class and the teacher openly mock me, belittle me, and humiliate me for forgetting my homework and looking up while I tried to remember what I did with it.

And the teacher started it.

"It's not on the ceiling Lace" said the teacher. And they all echoed it.

And that was. The start. The start of probably the worst two years of school in my life.

And I just always think about that teacher. The one who spent an entire morning making fun of me until the entire class joined in. And who kept doing it. She'd read my work out loud to criticize it and mock it. She'd deny me the bathroom pass. She'd laugh at my stuttering. She encouraged other teachers to get in on it.

Until the french teacher would literally take my papers from me at the end of class just to see what I'd been "goofing off on". Right out of my arms. And of course when I wrote "I hate french" in tiny letters on the paper, she took that too and gave me detention.

Why did my middle school teachers suck so much? Why did they want to hurt me?

Why? Why did she do it? Why did all of them do it? Why did the whole class join in? Why did none of the adults believe me? Why did no one care about what I was going through? Why did everyone just want to keep hurting me?

And why did it go on until I left fucking high school?!

I think that's the last time I liked school.

On the bright side, it did give me the bad attitude and snarl I need to have a go at nasty people older than me. But I don't think that's necessarily something I needed to be traumatized to learn.

[maxwellsuperbien]

Art school and mental health.

I think I decided to really become an artist in 2014. At the time, I was in high-school and the idea of trying to enter an art school came from seeing how little practice was in the art curriculum at a french university.

Not knowing anything better I submitted an embarrassing portfolio consisting of things I saw in the videos of people wanting to go in the

𝓒𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓪𝓷 𝓘𝓷𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓽𝓾𝓽𝓮 𝓸𝓯 𝓐𝓻𝓽𝓼

My portfolio neither had the quality to enter what I now know as an animation school and clearly wasn't focusing on concepts enough to go into the kind of school we have in France. I was motivated but my parents aren't artist, I didn't know any art student and my art professor pushed going to a university.

Instead I went into a preparation school that helped me understand what type of art school they are, what they wanted and how different from one another the teachings there can be. After that I tried 3 different schools and got 2 to accept me.

While I had nothing against the 3rd one at the time, knowing I fucked up during the entrance exam, learning how pretentious the professors were and how they treated not only my classmates but the students as well, pissed me of.

I wasn't mad they refused me because I already had the privilege of choice with the 2 schools I wanted. I was mad because despite not liking this particular classmate, they treated her condescendingly and mocked her in a very stressful situation.

She instead went to another school, less prestigious sure, but at least more adapted to what she did and wanted. I'm glad for her but that moment marked me and gave an idea of how little art school were concerned for the mental health of their students.

Nobody comes out, at least in France, of an art school intact, some people are traumatized, some left with severe burn out, some became the professor's black sheep (for good or bad reasons). I went there, excited to meet so many people, met the one person that was super manipulative, got social anxiety and never got any real friends.

Sure, I learned a lot of things about art, techniques, others and myself. However, I also learned that despite my best attempts at socializing, I felt unfulfilled, frustrated and developed a depression. I cried each birthday I had from my situation, had suicidal ideations, didn't quite understand what happened to me.

I felt like I never did enough for people and my professors made me feel like it. I got my diploma with the jury telling me I could have developed my ideas deeper and should step out of my comfort zone.

How do you step out of your comfort zone when it's the only thing making you survive and feel safer ?

You don't. You're mentally ill and you need something to cling unto while experiencing traumatic events.

I was isolated but each time I talked about it, people who told me they would make steps didn't or were too busy working on things of their own.

Trust me, I don't want to repel anyone from entering art school.

Be careful about who you meet and who's competitive mind is full of negative self-value. Inform yourself on where other students live and get near them, try to not be isolated or isolating yourself (if you can).

Your work might be amazing but if people only value you because of it, it's not right. You're a whole person, your feelings matter and friendships are VERY important to your art school experience.

I think what made me not quit, was mostly from the mindset I grew up with and the solidarity the class showed towards shitty things professors did to us. We legit scared the teachers because we would NOT shut up about how wrong and immature they could be.

I became aware of many things during these 3 years. Like my needs, gender identity, social issues... My experience was intense and honestly ? I don't recommend being me.

I don't speak for everyone there, I'm sure many got more positives than negatives but while I'm on friendly terms with my old classmates, I've never really been friends with them either.

ANYWAYS. Here's a picture of a scorpion-fly from this april :)

[lheautontimoroumenos]

cops + govt are absolutely bastards and i wish the one who killed nahel would get more than whats (probably) going to be given to him, and i support the riots going on for justice and to bring this issue to the forefront. but honestly how hard is it to not attack schools and places where people live? there were families in danger with the car on fire releasing fumes into the building. little kids aren't going to be able to go to school or will have to have counseling to understand whats going on

hi anon! I'm glad you're asking this and I'll try to be careful and kind in my answer. If my tone comes off kind of angry I apologize, I just meant to avoid this kind of reaction with my post.

I'm gonna try to answer this in two big parts where it seems we disagree : first the "how hard is it not to attack schools" side of the problem.

Then I'll go more widely on the questioned necessity of destruction and its nature.

(also I apologize if not everything is clear, the French to English brain on this topic is kinda weird, I'm open to more asks if you want something more precise).

Alright, PART UNO, Why Burn Down Schools

Okay, so absolutely no offense, but I'm gonna guess you were a good or at least okay student and therefore had a good relationship to school. I'm also gonna assume you didn't go to school in the banlieue or in establishments on the REP/ZEP list (Network or Zone of Priority Education), this classification is done based on the IPS or Social Position Indicator. Etablishments in REP in Paris today are around 90; the one I went to as a kid around 74; in Nanterre, where Nahel was killed, high schools are around 90 and middle schools between 80 and 90. By comparison Henri IV and Louis Le Grand, two very prestigious high school in downtown Paris have an IPS of around 140. The point being that in those spaces, even if you personally do well as a student, most of your peers have a very different relationship to the institution that is "school".

It has been widely accepted since Bourdieu's Les Héritiers (1964) that school is a machine that reproduces and legitimizes inequalities. We know children of workers, little employees, and people working low wage jobs do worse in school than children of teachers, or state workers, or people working high paying jobs, or that have already done high level studies. We also know these kids get to school at the same time but with a different baggage, and that the baggage from relatively rich (in economic or cultural capital) kids coming from relatively rich families is favored over the baggage from kids from poor families. That is because the first one belongs to what Bourdieu calls "legitimate culture", which is not legitimate in and of itself but legitimized by the dominant class to keep itself where it is. I'm not gonna talk about Les Héritiers the whole time, but in addition to the class difference and struggle in legitimate culture is a struggle especially present in banlieues of foreign culture being considered illegitimate.

The point is not that poor kids or kids of color are bad at school and that's just how it is, but that school as an institution is already a violence to them. It is traumatizing, built to make them fail, all the while telling them it's their fault because school is fair and based on merit. But it's not, because it values things and abilities as if all students start off from the same point (which is false) and make them believe the run was fair (which is false as well). Sometimes the blame is on the teachers, but most often it is the institution that inherently fails them and lowers their self-esteem. (Also, fun fact, I think it was a study done by IPSOS that showed that if they had the same grade, let's say an average of 9/20, in CE1, kids of workers were more likely to be made to redo their year, whereas rich kids would go to the next level anyway).

So you're right, it's easy to think that you shouldn't burn down a school when your rapport to it is: "what a great place, even if it pisses me off sometimes, I learn things and I can see my friends and have fun, burning it down would not help". But when school is a) a violence to you, and b) a lot of the time already breaking down because regardless of what they say on TV the State does not allocate enough resources to banlieues, well it's easier to burn it to the ground (this way maybe they'll actually rebuild it and be careful about abestos/amiante).

That doesn't mean it's good or right or forgivable and therefore forgiven (that's to your own discretion), but what it is, is understandable. These kids are fighting against a whole system, the police, its support by the State, and more widely the State itself and its shitty handling of banlieues and their inhabitants.

Okay, PART DOS, Is Violence Necessary, If So Which Kind

I'm gonna assume and hope you're not one of the people jerking off to theoretical revolution and praising the black block but getting scared when things actually get serious.

You're saying you wish they would be capable of keeping the riots to actual figures of police violence, I guess, or at least try not to harm innocents or do too much collateral damage (thinking about libraries, etc. I hope you can understand how schools also stand as violence to the rioters now).

My gut reaction is to say that's just not possible. If you really want the revolution and the change that comes with it (not just repealing the 2017 law), you have to be prepared to make sacrifices and for collateral damage (again, not saying it's good or right, or that you should thrive for it, just that it's virtually impossible to do without it).

I know some people have been saying they should go to actual places of power, go shake Darmanin out of his fascist bubble, but I also think people don't realize what this means. In the banlieues, they are in known and mostly friendly territory, which makes it easy for them to use the "be water" strategy (scatter when cops arrive). They know these streets and where to run, where to climb, where to hide. If they were to go to downtown Paris? they wouldn't have any of these advantages, plus they would be faced with the anti-riot plan built into the very architecture of the city streets (Haussman and Napoleon III I hate you). Just like the Parisians demonstrated against the pension reform in Paris, the place they know, the banlieusards are doing the same in the banlieues.

Now endangering kids is not the way to go, there we agree. The point of disagreement is that you think the rioters are going to be the ones making victims whereas I think the cops will, and already have (see the guy killed in Marseille by a flash ball impact, or the one from Mont-Saint-Martin in a coma).

(If you want to read something about the price of revolution, I'd recommend Les Justes by Camus, it's pretty short and you can come to different conclusions when you're done.)

You wrote "people need to have consideration for other kids in France". That sounds a tad condescending to me but I don't think you meant it that way. The problem is that they are not considered by other kids in France! as was showed in 2005 and as is showed today by the reactions on social media. You are asking the oppressed to make the first act of love here, and in a way you're right, Paulo Freire would say that next to violence, a revolution is only successful if it contains radical love, and that cannot come from the oppressor, but it is also a hard thing to ask of people. Especially when they know they will be ignored if they don't shake the political landscape a little.

I think you would enjoy reading Paulo Freire's Pedagogy of the Oppressed, it's not too long and it's very interesting regarding this topic.

Now I'd be careful with how you talk about the kids needing to "control themselves" because it sounds condescending here as well (though again I don't think that is how you mean it) and can be understood quite badly. I think what you may be alluding to however is the crowd effect that the riots can have. Once you start, breaking things with your friends, it does feel good, you release energy, you laugh, it's a good time really. The risk is to take the euphoria too far and not realize what you're doing, which of course happens but is really magnified by the media and is actually pretty marginal in the actual riots. But you're right that being in a group makes you forget about yourself (see: demonstrations, sport fans, etc.) and the rioters are not exempt from that.

I think, if anything, what one could fault the rioters for is that they are alienating themselves sometimes from their own communities. That is really going the same as in 2005 I feel like, with some worried moms, or people who agreed at the beginning but think it's lasting too long now. The problem is that politically, the people saying they will stop the riots are the National Rally (fascists) and at a smaller scale Rebirth (Macron's party, right wing). But Macron won't be able to run again next time (we wouldn't want him to) and I doubt his party is gonna hold without him. That leaves us with the fascist RN. So the kids could be building up to their own destruction.

(It is still important to say that even if the RN is elected next time, it will NOT be the rioters fault but the fault of the people who voted for a fascist party to lead the country.)

I don't think I have anything left to say right now, if you have other questions/need precision my ask box is open!

If you want to read more about school as a very imperfect institution I would recommend reading stuff from François Bégaudeau, Entre les murs (it's fiction inspired by his reality as a teacher, there was also a movie), he also mentions it regularly in talks that you van find on YouTube. I'll recommend again Paulo Freire's The Pedagogy of the Oppressed because it really is an amazing book.

P.S. I wrote this with less than 5 hours of sleep so I might be repeating myself and/or forgetting things

[hello-eeveev]

tagged by @quinn-of-aebradore (and I was tagged in a very similar thing by @spottedenchants a bit ago but didn’t get around to it before this, so I hope you don’t mind me combining them!) thank you :D

Last song I listened to: “Sometime We’ll Understand” from the Lamb of God Easter oratorio by Rob Gardner. With the season and driving by a bunch of churches with Easter signs, I got real nostalgic for Easter music because there are so many great pieces. And Lamb of God holds a lot of memories for me because my dad was the lead cellist for the local production for several years, and I even got to take part one year. And it is just soooo musically tasty and I was just filled with energy listening to it yesterday. The CHOIR, the SOLOISTS, the SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA!!! If you remember me expressing my love for French horns a few weeks ago, Lamb of God played no small part in establishing this opinion. If you don’t mind Christian hymns, I highly recommend checking it out, and all of Rob Gardner’s work because he is truly one of the goats.

Last book I read: I’ve kinda started and stopped a few books recently, not for any particular reason just… idk. So instead I’m gonna plug a fic I’ve been keeping up with that published its final chapter last night: Judgement & Justice! It is such a fascinating and engaging work that explores the details of legally condemning Ikithon, the ways that the law can fail anyone, how even doing something you believe is right can be incredibly traumatizing. As one of the tags says, “the mundane horrors of the criminal justice system”. So good. I highly recommend.

Last film I watched: ummmm, yesterday I saw like 30 minutes of Wish after the school field trip bc the teacher was so kind and said, “nope. interpreters are out of commission. we’re watching a movie.” The music didn’t appeal to me too much, which sucks bc I LOVE Ariana DeBose’s voice. But I will say that the special effect art was sick and some of the character designs are cute!

Last TV series: uhhhh idk I watch a lot of YouTube. Drawfee, Zelda randomizers, that kinda stuff. and critrole obv lol :)

Last thing I googled: “peafowl”. I love birds and will infodump about them and I wanted to show my coworker how different peahens are to peacocks, and most people have no idea they’re called anything but peacocks.

Last thing I ate: ritz crackers and nutella. It’s a combination I wouldn’t have put together of my own accord, but in eighth grade, my friend brought some into history class and convinced me to try it and I’ve been sold ever since.

Sweet, savory, or spicy: Yes. However, savory and spicy go well together, but sweet doesn’t go with either. I have a massive sweet tooth and my mom raised me to have high standards for desserts, so when I have sweets, I want them to be to my taste. I like spicy food and I have a decent spice tolerance. It used to be higher but either adulthood or my anxiety meds reduced it rip :’(

Amount of sleep: ummmm about 6 hours? I should probably be getting more, but unfortunately sleep is boring.

Currently reading: The Thief by Megan Whalen Turner. I’m about halfway through, and it’s pretty enjoyable, but I hear it’s got a good twist later on so I’m excited.

currently obsessed with: you know it’s shadowgast lol. but more specifically I’m still in my How to Rest brainrot. I have a break next week, so I want to get the chapter 6 director’s commentary done and start working on the coda fic bc hnnngggghgg soft wizards.

I’m also obsessed with my cat. She’s turning 6 on Sunday and she’s been so snuggly lately! Look at her!!!

I always feel so awkward about tagging bc I never know who’s already been tagged, so if you want to do this, you are fully allowed to say that I tagged you 💕

[pennyroks77]

IMDOINGTHEASKGAMEYOUREQUESTEDHEREWEGOOO

Penelope:

- I feel like she might be European or generally from a foreign country (maybe french or something) but at this point she's been on the internet so long that she's basically fluent

So when she tells people she's not actually English literally nobody believes her because she's just that g o o d

- If she loses her news reporter hat she will cry (guaranteed)

- She loves matpat lore videos considering she's quite nosy I thought that would be so perfect for her-

- Also she's double jointed

just because

Valerie:

- ok first off

ace omniromantic

that's- that's it that the headcano-

- She watches a lot of old discontinued kids shows like the mister men show

- Speaking of which she kins Little Miss Naughty

- the reason why? She may seem shy and sweet on the outside but if someone pisses her off she would go out of her way to either diss the heck outta them or just straight up make their existence the world's worst

she is a savage, traumatized lil abomination and we all love her a lot

DJ:

- weezer fan. enough said.

- also I'm pretty sure he's autistic

- and when you said that he can't function without music you meant that literally

like every time he takes off his headphones to stop listening to music he basically dies (well he doesn't die, he just kinda enters a music-less shutdown state)

- aphantasia. if you don't know what that means I don't have much time to explain it so google it. learn new stuff. it's good for you.

Fruitbat/Zenith:

- adhd. he's really hyperactive.

- like really hyperactive

- do not give him sugar at all costs. do not.

- he WILL cause a sugar rush-fueled rampage and nearly destroy the entire city. the chaos trio learnt that the hard way.

- also he has Korean heritage. Not sure why but he reminds me of a kpop idol for some reason.

- he's phenomenal at not throwing up after going on rollercoasters

- he's the therapist friend of his group

- basically what I'm saying is that he's both extremely hyper and extremely chill at the same time

I think that's everyone! Let me know if I'm missing someone or you wanna hear more!

Penelope doesn't really know her heritage. she's adopted and her dad moves around a lot looking for work (he is a high school english teacher/counselor) but most likely american.

she will def cry if she loses her hat XD

I can totally see her being double-jointed... I never thought of that but it's canon now

yeah Valerie is aroace

all the discontinued kids' shows (same here lol)

DJ likes pretty much all music so he could like weezer. I just don't know them very well

yeah he's autistic

looked up aphantasia and he's actually the opposite I think

or both somehow? like he'd probably have really vivid dreams but not be able to draw people from memory (I'll have to ask my cousin for confirmation)

don't give Zenith sugar. you are correct that is a very bad idea.

his Korean heritage is canon and I actually designed him with a kpop idol in mind so good job

oh he 100% likes rollercoasters

I love your headcanons :D

[godisaknife]

Why don’t you like French people? Confused

it started as a joke with one of my best friends when we were in high school. every time we had history class we'd shit on France's decisions and failures, for fun. then i was traumatized by my high school French teacher who outed me (im queer) to the entire school, which led to my mother almost finding out about it (she'd disown me if she knew i was queer) and just a lot of bad time. then i had very bad personal trauma with a very close ex friend of mine. i even went to visit them in France and i had the absolute worst time and suffered greatly, ended up being traumatized. also i happened to have a bunch of French friends throughout the years and they all ended up as assholes. so im trying to stay away from French people. it all started as a joke and ended up in trauma djsjdjsjdm

[warningsine]

Police have arrested a 16-year-old pupil after a teacher was stabbed to death at a secondary school in south-west France.

The attack at the Saint-Thomas-d’Aquin, a Catholic private school in Saint-Jean-de-Luz, near Bayonne, happened in a classroom when a teenager allegedly pulled a knife from his bag at about 10am on Wednesday and stabbed the 52-year-old woman once.

French media reported the pupil left the classroom after the attack and went to a neighbouring class, where he told the teacher what had happened and handed over the knife.

The woman was declared dead by the emergency services.

An investigation has been opened for alleged premeditated murder.

The French education minister, Pap Ndiaye, visited the school, which has about 1,100 pupils aged 11 – to 18, on Wednesday afternoon.

Afterwards, Ndiaye said there was nothing about the teenage suspect or the school to suggest the attack could have been prevented. “It appears that this tragedy could not have been foreseen,” Ndiaye told journalists. He said the school was known for its “calm, scholarly climate”. He announced one minute’s silence would be held in all schools on Thursday.

The public prosecutor Jérôme Bourrier confirmed the pupil had been seen by a doctor and deemed well enough to remain in custody and questioned. He said the 16-year-old was being held at Bayonne police station.

“An investigation for assassination, that is to say murder with premeditation, has been opened,” Bourrier said after visiting the school. He said the attack on the teacher on Wednesday was not thought to be linked to terrorism. Bourrier said he would give further details on Thursday after police had spoken to the teenage suspect.

The killing came more than two years after the history and geography teacher Samuel Paty, 47, was decapitated outside his secondary school in a Paris suburb in October 2020 after showing a caricature of the prophet Muhammad to his pupils.

Le Monde reported that police were concerned about the accused boy’s mental health, suggesting he may have “psychiatric problems”.

The pupil, who had no criminal record, was reported to be a high-achieving student, having received a “mention très bien” – the highest commendation – in the national Brevet exam last year.

The government spokesperson, Olivier Véran, sent a message of support to the school. “I can’t imagine how traumatic this is,” he said.

Michel, a former pupil at the school, told BFMTV: “Not a lot of things happen at that school. I was there for seven years; it’s a difficult and upsetting moment. My thoughts are with the teacher and her family and all the students who saw what happened.”

Neither the teacher, who had worked at the school since 1997, nor the pupil has been named. A spokesperson for the local education authority described the victim as an “experienced and excellent teacher … who was known to school inspectors and who shone in her subject”.

[searenbound]

Weeeeell, I think Izuocha is a wholesome and adorable ship. In my lil imagined version of the manga ua is a university and I have a list of things I’ve established in my head, but here’s one;

UA has an campus psychologists that have their own backstories and families. One is Dr. Rebecca Flowers who is originally from Canada but is ethnically Japanese, Israeli Jewish, French, and Inuit. Her quirk is called Bloom, it allows her to grow flowers from her skin that releases potent pheromones that causes the feelings of those who inhale it to bubble to the surface that they will get a literal allergic reaction if they don’t reveal and let out said feelings. Certain flowers will bring out certain emotional reactions so she had to learn that meanings behind all flowers. Her flowers can’t create feelings out of nothing though, and if she overuses her quirk she gets bad allergies and if she underuses her quirk she gets mood swings because of the various pheromones in her blood. Her baseline personality is very chill and soft spoken but she is quite literally capable of murder but isn’t quick to anger. She’s patient and both flighty and observant, she can always tell if someone is upset and has a soothing Mother Nature esque personality. She does have a secret rebellious side that she developed in her high school years and may or may not work at a bdsm club at night on weekends. She was close with Midnight despite not exactly approving of her professional conduct. She makes tea for her coworkers and sometimes is their therapist. While she is the most qualified and professional out of the entire UA staff she may or may not be getting it on with her coworkers (excluding Nezu). She has a knack for being on everyone’s good side and only dislikes one man, Nezu, because she hates the way he runs the school and traumatizes all the students and expects her to “fix” them just to do it again while not even respecting her as professional because of his skewed perceptions of psychology and mental health.

Once again the way you balance and round your ocs is immaculate. I can see the students thinking she’s just a kind motherly person and all the teachers having to bite their tongues not to say anything they might skew that perception because it’s not wrong, just not the complete scope of things

[shinydixon]

i always hc her as an english teacher bc she sounds like one of those teachers who try and humiliate her students💀

I only had nice English teachers so I don't know 😭😭😭 do you all had a traumatic experience with English teachers? My worst enemy was my French teacher in high school (French was a 2nd language compulsory class in my high school )

[petite-madame]

Dear Mr. Madame, Hi, I am a High School student and I am inspired by your artwork! My art teacher is having us reach out to a current artist to ask questions about developing our art! If you have time, I have a couple of questions for you. 1- What inspires you to take different Marvel characters and put them into different settings, timelines, and costumes? 2- When you do create art, what materials do you use? Is all your art digital or do you use markers, paint, pencils, etc...? Thank you!

Hi, I am a High School student

Hi, High School Student 😁

I am inspired by your artwork!

Thank you so much for seeing me as an inspiration and for choosing me for asking your questions. 💖

Dear Mr. Madame

It's "Mrs Madame" (not that it's important but as what you are asking me is part of a school work, it's better being precise 😳). Also, I'm French, English is not my native language, so feel free to fix any grammar/spelling mistake in my answers if you need to, no problem. I know how my "Frenglish" can be traumatizing sometimes 🙃

1- What inspires you to take different Marvel characters and put them into different settings, timelines, and costumes?

This is quite a difficult question even if it seems simple. 😶 I would say that I love taking the characters I love and make them "jump" out of their usual environment ( = from canon) in order to re-imagine their story to my tastes. It's a bit like in the show What if: what if the Avengers where characters from an Heroic Fantasy story ? What if the Avengers had a restaurant and were in charge of the menu ? What if the Avengers pose for Couture brands ? I find the process of reinterpreting canon very interesting.

If you talk more precisely about one my latest series, The Order of the Avengers, I could add that being French played a part somehow: it's in my culture, it's what is surrounding me, so it's normal I'm going to be sensitive to European medieval environments. For instance, I live about 30-40 minutes from the Cluny Museum - National Museum of the Middle Ages (Musée de Cluny - Musée national du Moyen Âge), the place where you can find The Lady and The Unicorn tapestries.

Anyway, reinterpreting characters, blending universes that should never have collided (The Avengers and European Medieval/Heroic Fantasy lore, The Avengers and baseball, etc...) is not only interesting, it's also a lot of fun and it also makes you, as an illustrator, push your limits and go out of your comfort zone. It stimulates your creativity and it gives you the possibility to mix several of your passions in one projects: the Avengers and food, the Avengers and Heroic fantasy, the Avengers and...whatever will inspire you this month. 😁Not to mention that drawing the Iron Man suit, Bucky's arm or Captain America's shield is already complicated but when you work on alternative universes, it makes you study so many different things/items/textures that's it's very rewarding in the end.

2- When you do create art, what materials do you use? Is all your art digital or do you use markers, paint, pencils, etc...?

What I draw is 95% digital art. I'm saying "95%" because sometimes, rarely, I go back to traditional art as you can see it here and here. I use digital art much more because, for me, it's more convenient: I can bring my iPad everywhere, I don't have to bring a sketchbook and my pencil in my bag, I don't have stacks of papers with sketches all over the house like 5-6 years ago. When I need to sketch, I just open Procreate and that's it.

To answer your question more precisely, I use Photoshop CS6 and a Xp-pen 15.6” tablet. I work on a computer running on Windows 10. I also have an iPad Pro (the one on which I use Procreate). When it comes to my old artworks, I also used Painter 12 but I don’t have the app on my new computer anymore and Procreate does the job very well so I really don’t need Painter 12 anymore.

As far as traditional artworks are concerned, I use mainly Copic markers and Prismacolor pencils as you can see it here.

I hope I answered your questions and that you'll have a good mark. Good luck to you!

[ryansjane]

How many languages do you speak. French, English, and Thai? Any other surprises? I’m so impressed by your language skills! I want to learn Thai, but I’m a bit intimidated.

awww, thank you! so technically those are the three languages I speak, but I can understand lebanese pretty well since I'm half lebanese. wish I could speak it though bc I'd like to be able to communicate fully with my family, so that's definitely something I'm planning to do once I get really fluent in thai! I also learned italian for 5 years in school as well lol, though I don't remember anything bc I was traumatized by a really horrible teacher who graded me 6/20 for three years... I literally got 16/20 at the bac which is the high school validation diploma in france. so yeah, I've genuinely forgotten everything as soon as I left high school, but I'd like to get back into italian eventually bc it's a really beautiful language! but rn I'm really putting all of my efforts into learning thai bc it's difficult enough as it is lol :') if you wanna learn thai, I really encourage you to! it's really a game-changer bc not only is there a LOT of content that comes unsubbed, but learning the basics of thai is actually pretty easy & that's something that will always be helpful if you travel to thailand! I'd say go for it, bc despite the struggles it definitely is worth it <3

xxx

[fruityyamenrunner]

I talked to someone this morning who gave me something to thing about with the They Don't Want You To Know Linguistics issue.

They grew up in the country, in a place where it was still not a given that someone you meet is literate (80% literacy rate), and to them, at school, it was made quite clear that learning to read and speak the literary standard language is a choice and if you do not make it then life will probably not go so well for you. Literacy, in other words, is a frightfully recent thing -- load bearing but fragile.

This was part of a conversation where they remarked how important a bit of social improvement universal literacy was, and how little this is considered. I responded that I think it is considered a lot by teachers. But when I thought about what my impression of teachers considering it might be, I took their point.

Specifically, I think this casts some light on why They Don't Want You To Know Linguistics. They, frankly, are afraid that You Can Barely Learn to Read, and believe the only way they can get you to even be able to read, because it is the only way that has worked so far, is to make it a matter of morals and national social stratification.

I don't like this, but it tracks the online-reactionary graph of society where d/dt is high at the beginning of the 20th century (it's safest to talk about derivatives rather than absolute values), goes sharply down at the Great War (briefly negative even), starts to struggle around the Second World War (involving a lot of traumatic ups and downs) and then shortly after the war, d/dt settles down into being either 0 or negative. Whether it's turned positive in recent years depends on whether you Trust The Plan.

This matches the pattern I have observed where pedagogues seem to have been very optimistic about language learning up until shortly after the War (see eg that French book I posted about a couple of weeks ago, and Saunt Burgess coming out of the War full of enthusiasm) and then their confidence collapsed, quite suddenly. I think the nadir was reached in the 70s and 80s when the teaching profession consciously turned their back on phonetics (branded as "phonics") and a little despairingly decided the best they could do was to teach people to pretend to read to keep the metrics high and the factories going until the environmental crisis killed all the surplus population with nuclear bombs

i note that this does not bode well for prospects of education in the present day and near future, so maybe the schools have an accurate sense of their own capacity and ability to educate people about linguistics

[imgoingtocrash]

my teen angst bullshit has a body count

by @imgoingtocrash for @hailxhydra

Rating: T

Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Avengers Team

Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Ned Leeds, Flash Thompson, Jim Morita, Hydra Agents

Summary:

“Correcting people all the time, sucking up attention with the whole goody two-shoes act. I’m saying you’re a teacher’s pet, loser. And one day, everyone’s going to see it for the act that it is, and when they do—”

Peter’s hearing blanks out.

Pet.

It echoes.

Two years ago, Peter Parker escaped Hydra's control and was taken in by the Avengers. Traumatized from the experience but healing, Peter's starting to get a hang of this whole normal teenager thing. However, when Flash brings up a happily forgotten trigger from his past, Tony comes to give comfort and remind Peter that he's worth more to his loved ones than Hydra could have ever dreamed of.

Read on AO3

My fic for @friendly-neighborhood-exchange! Hopefully you enjoy it @hailxhydra!!!

Full fic under the cut as requested by the exchange:

“—But I’m asking if it’s a good movie.”

“I’m telling you, it was either picking Selena for the third time or Rio, which is a stupid animated movie about birds.” Ned shakes his head dramatically. “Everybody else will fall asleep, and if everybody falls asleep, then Misses Rodriguez will give us a pop quiz instead of letting us have a movie day.”

“But I like animated movies. We like them. We watched A Bug’s Life like last week!”

“Because you hadn’t seen it before! Your film under-education is criminal, and if I don’t help you fix it, who will?!”

Ned has a point. Being kidnapped and raised by Hydra after the age of six really limits a person’s entertainment consumption, as he’s learned more than ever now that he’s surrounded by other teenagers who grew up with movies and tv shows to watch at their fingertips.

“I mean, Steve does have a list…” Peter points out weakly.

Steve keeps it in his little notebook along with other things he doesn’t understand the references to yet. He tried to encourage Peter to start something like that in the beginning, but Peter’s never really considered himself a list person. He just sort of soaks up the world now, like a curious sponge. Sometimes it means he has to Google things he doesn’t really understand the meaning of, but it also means a lot of movie nights with both the other Avengers and Ned, which is actually sort of a bonus.

Ned stops them in the hall. “Yeah, but are they cool movies or are they movies for old people and war veterans who haven’t been alive for the last 100 years?”

“...You know that I don’t really know the difference.”

Ned gives a sad shake of his head. “You’re lucky you liked Star Wars, bro. Otherwise we’d be in a very different place right now, like, friendship-wise.”

“You still didn’t answer the question.”

Peter got to pick the movie for their classes’ Cinco de Mayo party. Peter’s not sure what either movie has to do with the Mexican Army’s historical defeat of the French, but he only picked Selena because Ned suggested it. Maybe he should be regretting that choice, if the other option was harmless little Spanish birds.

“You know, Parker, I have a question,” comes a very annoyingly musical voice from behind them.

Peter just barely resists to roll his eyes. Every time with this kid. Not that Peter is any less of a kid than Flash Thompson, technically, but he definitely feels more mature.

Ned, also more mature than some of their other classmates, completely ignores Flash.

“You’ll be humming the disco medleys for weeks, I promise.”

“Wait, wait, disco? I thought you said this was supposed to take place in the 80s and 90s?”

“Music endures, dude.”

“Hey, el idiots, I’m talking to you!” Flash interrupts again.

“That’s not even how you—” Peter starts to correct, only to realize he’s stepped directly in it when Ned groans.

Flash laughs obnoxiously to himself. “Just can’t help yourself, can you, Penis?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Peter grumbles. It doesn’t really matter what he says now. Flash has the attention that he wanted, which means he won’t bug off until the bell rings and until he has the last laugh. And that always happens, because he’s really the only one entertained by all of the poking and prodding at Peter.

Peter breathes in, steeling himself. He’s survived worse. So much worse. Bullies with electric prongs and steel cages and control over every other aspect of his life. This is just high school. Normal kids survive it all the time, even when there are bullies and bad test grades and cliquey subcultures. This is just one privileged asshole who thinks Peter’s an easy target.

In some way, Peter’s actually proud of that. No one has ever seen him as un-intimidating before. Even his Hydra captors knew that if they lost control of him as an asset, he could easily turn on them.

(Part of him always asks why he never did. If he wasn’t evil, if he wasn’t like them, then why didn’t he just fight back? But Sam says that’s just his mind trying to deal with trauma, and Peter is trying really, really hard to get better at ignoring those kinds of intrusive thoughts.)

Speaking of talking to himself, Flash snaps his fingers in Peter’s face to get his attention back.

“You’d think for such a genius, you’d be a lot quicker on the uptake.” Flash shakes his head like he’s disappointed.

“Please just get to the point already,” Ned begs, throwing his head back.

“Correcting people all the time, sucking up attention with the whole goody two-shoes act. I’m saying you’re a teacher’s pet, loser. And one day, everyone’s going to see it for the act that it is, and when they do—”

Peter’s hearing blanks out.

Pet.

It echoes.

C’mere, Pet.

Stay down, Pet!

He was property, he was an animal, he was a weapon, their weapon, he was a mutant and he deserved it, needed it, he was the Spider, a mongrel, nothing, he was nothing and no one and Hydra was the only home a no-good runt like the Spider would ever have and he should be grateful—Kneel, Pet, be a good boy and kneel for your masters—but he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t—

Foolish Pet, you wouldn’t survive out there.

You need us, Pet. You’ll always need us.

“Peter?”

He returns to the moment with one heaving breath, only to realize he can’t take in another.

His collar is too tight, they always put it on too tight and if he complains they hit him and if they hit him he bleeds and it gets on his clothes and he won’t get any more until his bath and he hates bath time because they water is cold and stings his skin and the soap is so harsh it burns his nostrils and they’re watching him he knows they’re watching because they never leave him alone because if they did he would try to escape, he would—

“Peter, what’s wrong, are you—?”

He did. He escaped and ran away but now they have him again and he can’t live like this, not when he knows about best friends and pizza and friendly ribbing and how warm he feels when Tony pulls Peter close on the couch and presses a kiss to his head and tells Peter that he’s proud. He can’t be here anymore, he has to go, he has to run.

“Peter, wait!”

Tony is, to say the least, nervous when he gets a call from Midtown Tech’s front office.

He trusts Peter by now. The kid has come a long, long way since he snuck onto the Avengers helicarrier during the chaos of a Hydra raid. Skinny as a rail, scared, brainwashed...abused.

The Spider.

Peter didn’t like being with Hydra since they were the ones that made him enhanced, but he sure as hell didn’t want to be locked in an enclosed space with a bunch of Avengers at the time either.

As was evident by the fight he put up until Steve knocked him out. Steve still feels bad about cold-clocking a kid when Peter jokingly brings it up now, but Tony’s never shamed Steve for the decision. It was that or some kind of drug injection with the way Peter fought back tooth and nail, confused and defensive. Practically feral, from the well-fitting clothing to his lack of speech.

It was all for the better, though, once they got him back to the compound.

Peter was a talkative kid once he let himself be. Funny, too. Almost normal, if you forgot the mutant spider genetics and years of torture from a bunch of descendant assholes that seemed to hate and resent the very thing they created.

That’s why Tony agreed to let Peter start school. Real, normal, human school just like every other teenager in America attended until they finished all twelve years of it.

Because he needed to be normal, sometimes. He needed movie nights, [other things], and most importantly, friends that were his own age rather than a bunch of adult superheroes that often acted like children.

But also because Peter wanted to go, and Tony had a really, really hard time denying anything that the kid wanted when he could so easily provide.

Peter had such a hard time wanting anything, in the beginning. What did Peter want to wear instead of the plain, grey, dirty sweatpants from Hydra? What did Peter want to eat now that he could have an adequate amount of calories for his enhanced, still growing body? What did he want to watch? Listen to?

All of these choices were suddenly available to Peter, but shaking years of being denied any kind of want, any kind of choice took a toll on him that took a lot of work to get through.

Peter had put in the work. Unsurprisingly well. He was smart—tactically from years of being trained for missions, academically from whatever education Hydra must have thrust upon him. Not so much socially, but they were doing better as Peter spent more time around people that actually cared about him and lobbed insults around to tease rather than to actually cause emotional harm.

But was that enough...training, of sorts, to be around a bunch of teenagers? Sure, Peter was technically also a teenager, but they’d found him at 14. Tony still looked at Peter and saw the wide-eyed little kid sitting in the corner of a containment cell, flinching every time Tony moved.

Two years later and a lot of growth physically and emotionally, but was it enough?

Tony was hesitant about it, wish-washing the entire summer with maybes and I’ll think about its until the deadline arrived and Tony had to actually make the call.

Peter had pleaded, citing an extensive, cheesy list of films that made him want the high school experience himself for some reason. He very genuinely enjoyed shopping for school supplies. He passed Midtown’s entrance exam with results that faked years progressing in homeschooling that Tony knew would have been true, if Peter had gotten the chance to grow up like he was supposed to.

So, Tony eventually said yes, knowing that one day this call might come and Tony would have to be prepared for whatever was on the other end of the line.

An “incident” of some kind. Whatever that meant. The secretary was entirely unclear, only insistent that Peter’s family should get down to the premises immediately to handle things.

That was Tony.

Part of Tony couldn’t fathom why Peter chose him out of everyone on the team to latch onto. Another part wasn’t exactly shocked. Trauma recognized trauma, after all, even if the context was entirely different.

Tony knew what it was like to be belittled. To be seen as something you weren’t. To be abused by someone you never really trusted in the first place.

He and Peter talked a lot in that little containment cell. Hours of Tony blabbering like he always did when he was uncomfortable and Peter just sitting and waiting, waiting, waiting for the strikes to start coming.

When he said his first words.

When he told Tony his name—not Spider, but Peter Parker, a little boy from Queens who lost his parents and his whole normal life in the same night, according to FRIDAY’s records.

When he touched Tony’s arm for the first time and got a smile instead of a reprimand.

He waited and Tony was patient and it was a rough road, but...Tony was kind of a parent, now. A parental figure, at least, among others of varying degrees of quality and influence on a scarred teenager.

He was Peter’s family, whether either of them was any good at it in a traditional way or not.

And also, you know. His money was paying Peter’s tuition. His time went into helping Peter study for the entrance exam. His name was technically on Peter’s manufactured birth certificate because he was the one forging it and it wasn’t like anyone else was offering when the subject came up.

And maybe, a little, because he cared about Peter. Loved him. Wanted to be what Peter needed, what he deserved, and what better way to do that than to write his name on a piece of paper that signified the job he sort of kind of wanted?

Tony slams the car door behind himself after pulling into Midtown’s parking lot, putting on his sunglasses for the brief trip into the early afternoon sun. He’s checking security cameras, exits, and also preparing a hefty sum of cash to go into Principal Jim Morita’s bank account as well as a handful of government officials, if that’s what it takes.

Again, not that Tony doesn’t trust Peter, it’s just...when you get this kind of call and your kid is a highly trained former assassin, you prepare exit strategies on multiple fronts.

It’s been two months and Peter has only made one friend at this place. The kids can’t all be angels like Peter proclaims Ned Leeds to be. If one of them touched Peter out of nowhere or said the wrong thing, maybe Peter lashed out. Maybe Peter forgot to hold his strength back like he’s been training to do. Maybe something was broken.

Maybe it’s something far worse.

Tony has to be ready for that. He has to be ready for whatever it takes to protect Peter.

At the very least, the police aren’t on site. That’s probably a good sign that they’re willing to leave this as an internal matter for now.

The unhelpful secretary of before leads Tony out of the office by the arm at a quick pace, not explaining the situation at all before they arrive at the scene. Whatever it is. Tony was definitely expecting more blood or yelling or...anything, really.

A small crowd stands outside of a door, marked by a golden plaque to be the janitor’s closet.

Leaning on the door itself with his arms resolutely crossed is a kid about Peter’s age. Short black hair, light brown skin, dressed so similarly to Peter that Tony’s starting to wonder if that’s where Peter’s new obsession with those geeky little t-shirts has come from.

“Mister Leeds—” An older Asian man pleads, dressed in a suit and standing up straight with all of the authority he can seem to muster against the stone wall that is the teen in front of him.

The kid shakes his head in response. So this is Ned, then.

“I’m sorry, sir, but I’m not moving. If he wants to stay in there to calm down, he should be allowed to stay in there.”

“I’m sure his parents—”

“He doesn’t even have—you don’t even know what he’s gone through!”

“And you do?”

“Well...kinda? No. But—but he’s obviously freaking out and everyone crowding around him is only going to make it worse!”

The adult rubs a hand across his forehead, stressing at a fold of wrinkles that settles there from the stress.

“Ned, I recognize you’re just trying to be a good friend, but this is a problem for—”

Tony clears his throat, catching the attention of both parties.

The older man sighs. “Oh, good. Thank you, Theresa, you can go on back to the office. We’ll take it from here.”

The secretary nods, brusquely turning around and heading off, leaving Tony there to be examined by both Ned and what must be the principal.

“Mister Stark, I’m glad you could come down, though I’m sorry it’s under these circumstances. I’m Principal Morita.”

“Obviously you know who I am,” Tony replies, shaking the man’s hand. “What did happen, exactly? Theresa was sparse on the details.”

“I told you, it’s Flash’s fault! He was being a dick and—” Ned shouts.

“Mister Leeds.” The principal interrupts, stern. “Another student apparently said something...unkind to Peter. He didn’t take it well and locked himself in the closet. I haven’t even been able to assess the situation properly yet. Normally I would start with asking Peter’s side of the story, but...”

He looks to the closet, where Ned still stands, defensive.

“The bouncer is a real stickler, got it,” Tony jokes, aiming a small smile at Ned. “Peter does seem to attract the protective type.”

“Oh,” Ned says, suddenly meeting Tony’s eyes and gaping like a fish. He seems to have finally realized exactly who he’s talking to. “Oh, wow. Mister Stark, it’s an honor. I’m a huge fan, like, so huge. Peter tells me to shut up about you at least three times a day. When he showed me a picture of you guys I was like, ‘Oh my god, your dad is Tony Stark!’ and he was like ‘Oh. Yeah, I guess you’d know who he is, huh?’ like he totally didn’t get how awesome it is that you’re Iron Man. And I know you’re only kind of his dad, but still—”

“It’s suddenly become very clear to me why you two are friends,” Tony responds, keeping his smile on.

It’s actually kind of sweet to see that Peter’s found someone to confide in, even if he’s seemingly left out the more traumatic elements. But he also knows that Peter can hear them through the door, and he wants to get to the kid as fast as possible instead of dawdling for time.

If Peter wants to see him, that is.

He does, doesn’t he? Tony has been there for everything, so far. Every breakdown when the choices became too much, when the world outside of Peter’s little cell and all of the things he did that he wishes he could forget attack him at night. He hasn’t gotten old enough to not want Tony around when he’s upset, right?

“Sorry, Mister Stark. Sorry,” Ned apologizes. “I’m just nervous and worried about Peter and—”

“I get it, kid. You’re good.” He gives a reassuring grasp to Ned’s shoulder. “But if you wouldn’t mind, I really need to see Peter now. You can ask him yourself, but I’m usually the exception to any rule about Peter wanting to be alone.”

“Right, yeah. I’ll just—”

Ned turns to open the door, but gives Morita a shifty look, like he doesn’t trust the man not to dive bomb in if given the chance.

“Peter—”

“Let him in,” replies Peter’s strained voice. He’s definitely been crying. Poor kid.

Ned pulls back and nods at Tony, stepping aside to let him through.

“You did a good job protecting him, Leeds. Thank you,” he says to the teen before stepping into the dimly lit closet and shutting the door behind him.

The room smells musty and over-powerful at the same time thanks to the potent combination of cleaners and the mop cart sitting so close together. Out of anywhere Peter could have picked, this probably isn’t the kindest to his sense of smell if it’s making Tony already scrunch his nose.

It’s lit by a single pull-chain light bulb, and in the shadows of it sits Peter, curled into himself and leaning against a rusty metal shelf filled with paper towels, cleaning equipment, and a few bottles of product that have to be expired.

“Hey, Pete.” Tony frowns at the cracked floor tile, but settles himself next to Peter anyway. His back catches some kind of spray bottle sitting on the shelf that digs uncomfortably into his back.

Peter sniffs, not looking up from the cradle of his arms. “Hey.”

Tony heaves a sigh, for the drama. “So, I hear you got your first bully.”

Peter shrugs. “Guess so.”

“That Ted kid is pretty nice. He’s a good friend.”

“Yeah. And his name is Ned.”

Tony stops beating around the bush. “What happened, Peter?”

“It was fine. It was good, you know? I got an A+ on my Spanish test, and Misses Rodriguez offered to let me choose the movie we were gonna watch for the Cinco de Mayo party as a reward. I didn’t even know any of the movies, but Ned said Selena was good because Jennifer Lopez is hot, so that’s what I picked. It was a good day, Tony!”

“...But?”

“But then Flash—”

“I meant to ask, is that his actual name? Like, legally?”

“No.”

“Oh thank god.”

“Flash said…he said I was a…” Peter’s hesitant to let it out.

“Pete, a lot of kids at this age are testing boundaries. They’re going to say a lot of stupid, insensitive, offensive—”

“He said I was a teacher’s pet.”

There’s a long minute of silence. Tony blinks curiously a few times. He doesn’t want to belittle what Peter’s feeling, but he also doesn’t understand why it’s caused him so much stress.

“I know, I know it’s—but they used to—” Peter swallows hard, probably only delaying another wave of tears. “Sometimes, before, they would call me…”

“Pet.”

Peter nods, starting to shake next to him on the floor, their arms lightly touching at just Tony saying the nickname.

“They liked it. I think it made them feel better about themselves if they acted like I wanted it. Like—like being locked in the cages or collared or—or being muzzled was good for me.”

“You need to learn a lesson, little pet. Be a good pet and eat your dinner. Stop your crying, pet. No more of your barking, pet.” Peter quotes with venom flinging from every syllable. “But I didn’t want that, Mister Stark! I promise! They gave me these powers and I didn’t want to be their pet and they made me—”

“Peter, I know. It’s not your fault. None of it is your fault, I know.”

Tony curls Peter into his side, rubbing his back consolingly.

“When Flash called me that I just—I felt the collar around my neck again and I couldn’t breathe though the muzzle and they kept kicking the cage even though it hurt my ears and I could never sleep in there because it was so small and—”

“Peter—�� Peter’s hyperventilating. He’s panicking, Tony realizes. Probably just like he did initially. A flashback that triggered him into having a panic attack.

“And I know that’s not what Flash meant but I was back there and I can’t—I can’t stop—”

Peter breaks into sobs, burying his face into Tony’s shirt and clutching on tight.

“Oh, Pete. It’s okay. You’re okay,” Tony soothes.

He presses a kiss to Peter’s hair, unsure when he became this tender. Probably the moment he realized this was the way he wanted someone to treat him in the midst of his worst, most vulnerable moments.

“Sometimes the bad memories come back unexpectedly, it’s alright.”

“But don’t wanna think about it anymore!” Peter cries childishly.

If it wouldn’t break Tony’s ribs, Peter would probably start banging at his chest in frustration.

“What if it gets bad and I don’t talk anymore and I can’t go to school like a normal kid and I lose everything and then you won’t want me anymore because I can’t get over this and stop being a stupid animal who needs its owners to—”

“Peter Parker, no. Absolutely not.”

Tony pushes Peter away so he can hold the boy’s face in his hands. So that he can fucking imbue into this kid how much he is loved and cherished and human.

“You’re not property, and you’re not an animal. What they did to you was wrong, and you know that now. I know that you do.”

Not just because Peter’s been to therapy since integrating with the Avengers, but also because he’s talked to all of him during his recovery from the horrors of his earlier childhood. About how his life felt before and how it feels better now. How he wouldn’t have left in the first place if he really wanted to be a part of Hydra like they raised him to want.

He’s not the child soldier they raised anymore. He’s so much more than they ever allowed him to be in that awful place.

He loosens his grip on Peter’s face only to bring him back again with an arm around his shoulder. Maybe if Peter feels him, touches him, the kid will remember all of the growth he’s made, the family he’s gained.

“Buddy, you are getting better. I know it. I’ve seen it. You know we’re all so proud of you and the progress you’ve made.”

Tony sighs. Part of him wants to sugarcoat it. That Peter has seen the worst of the world and now he’ll just be able to move on from it scott-free. It’s what he deserves, but Tony knows from experience that nothing in life is that sort of kind.

“That doesn’t mean you won’t have setbacks. I have had setbacks. Healing from the bad stuff is really, really hard, but it doesn’t make you anything that they said you were. You’re a wonderful, good kid who deserves everything he’s worked so hard for. And you’re going to get it because you have me and the team and your new best friend behind your back. You’re not alone, you’re not in a cage, you’re—you’re home, Pete. You understand?”

Peter sniffs, a sign that he’s worked himself up again, but his weak nod into Tony’s chest tells him that some of them at least might be happier tears.

“Listen to me, Pete. And I mean really, truly listen.” He looks down at the snot-covered, tear-stained teenager practically in his lap. He does love Peter. He wouldn’t have gone this far for any other kid in the world.

“It doesn’t matter what happens—hitches, mishaps, a dumb teenage mistake. You’re our kid now, Peter. You’re never going back to Hydra. Never. Not with me around.”

He knows it means something to say it out loud rather than leaving it to be assumed. He doesn’t have as much of a problem admitting it as he thought he might.

“I’m never giving you up, or letting you go, or treating you like anything other than a person. Do you understand me? That is something you never, ever have to worry about. Not from me.”

Peter sobs against him. This time it feels a lot more like relief. A release in the safety of Tony’s arms that Peter hasn’t really allowed himself, even after two years of being free of Hydra.

Peter didn’t tell the team everything. He may never even tell Tony everything. But this is one more thing Peter doesn’t have to carry alone, and Tony is happy to help their kid navigate the horrors it's brought back into his improving life.

They sit there for another minute, Peter’s whimpers muffled in Tony’s dress shirt. He’s sure the principal and Peter’s friend are getting antsy. But all the same it gives Peter another chance to calm down, and this time he seems a lot lighter when he picks his head up to look at Tony.

“Feel better?”

Peter gives a sniffle, but accompanies it with a nod and bright, attentive eyes.

“Look, I think school’s a bust for the day. Let’s go home. Whatever you wanna do, just you and me. Nobody else needs to hear about this unless you want to tell them, okay?”

“And if you wanted, I guess…”

Peter tilts his head, expectant.

“We could...nah, it’s probably offensive, right?”

“What?” Peter insists. Tony tried to warn him, but Tony also can’t resist an idea once it pops into his head.

“I just thought, you know, if you wanted—if you thought it would help, we could get you a—“ He almost ruins it, but catches himself.  “An animal. Like a dog or something.”

Peter is silent. He bites at his lip, contemplative. Looks in the direction of a mop bucket in the corner.

“Is that bad? You don’t have to, I just thought it might make you associate that word with good things, but if not—“

Peter finally meets his eyes with a tentative grin on his face.

“What kind of dog?”

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

I would love for you to talk more indepth about the montage. To me it feels so off and weird. Almost like a parody? So many scenes in it are "funny" moments that just don't make sense in the context of an emotional overview of the road so far... (Like all the scenes where Dean is eating, Donna with donut dust on her face, Sam getting hit during the game show.) I don't know. Isn't the montage supposed to make me nostalgic, teary-eyed? This one definitely doesn't do it for me!

Here I am! Yes, I absolutely agree. The montage is Weird(TM). It’s kind of a tone rollercoaster. It’s very full of funny/silly moments, with some serious moments smacked in. And it definitely looks like... there’s something about it.

For an easier consultation I will reference the gifs I have made of the montage sequence here.

[Gif 1] It starts pretty much like I’d expect a Supernatural goodbye montage to start. The two brothers meeting for the first time in the pilot, a reminder of their childhood with John, their banter still from the pilot, a couple moments of them driving in the car in the first seasons, Dean saving Lucas in 1x03 which is the first Dean-heavy episode and also an extremely symbolic moment for Dean’s entire journey - just think at how Lucas as a mirror was still relevent during the “drowning” Michael possession arc. Everything feels normal so far. We’re starting from the beginning! Now--

[Gif 2] Interesting and weird choices start here. Them pretending to be high school teachers from After School Special 4x13 - actually a very iconic moment for the fandom, remember that post of Dean in shorts from that episode that you had to reblog when it came on your dash? (Actually I’m not sure if I ever reblogged it lol.) Dean celebrating getting young again from The Curious Case of Dean Winchester 5x07 (and Jensen showing off his agility). The two of them showing their FBI badges to Jesse Turner’s biological mother in 5x06. Dean mowing the lawn of Mary’s house in the Djinn dream and immediately after Jess and Sam kissing also in the Djinn dream, from What Is And What Should Never Be 2x20. Then Dean after killing the witch when he was under the memory loss spell, in Regarding Dean 12x11. Sam happy when they celebrate Christmas in A Very Supernatural Christmas 3x08. Them being “lucky” under the effect of the rabbit’s foot in Bad Day At Black Rock 3x03. Sam also happy in Baby 11x04.

Again the present, then the montage starts again with the water-related ghost from Red Sky At Morning 3x06, a Bela episode, and then Bela herself from her first episode, 3x03 again.

What do these moments have in common? Not all of them, but for many of them I’d say reality being manipulated. The Djinn dream, the rabbit foot, Dean’s aging, the Antichrist... and it’s not over yet. Also, them pretending to be teachers, agents etc - not “real”.

[Gif 3] The tone suddenly gets more serious and relevant to current events: Chuck in The Monster at the End of This Book 4x18 (eh). Death in Two Minutes to Midnight 5x21 (the first appearance of Death, while now we’ve had Billie’s last and a very short-lived new one), and then two major moments from Lazarus Rising - Dean emerging from the grave and finding the handprint on his shoulder. Crowley’s first episode, Abandon All Hope 5x10. Zachariah’s death in Point Of No Return 5x18. Anna from The Song Remains The Same 5x13, where she is the antagonist having been brainwashed successfully by heaven. Michael burning and Sam jumping in the cage with Michael in 5x22, then another moment from 4x01 (the brothers hugging after reuniting). A moment from The French Mistake 6x15 (reality fuckery again!). Sam in Frontierland 6x18.

[Gif 4] Reality fuckery continues with Becky marrying Sam in 7x08. Funnily enough, this is the peak of Becky’s obsessive behavior which she went to therapy for and grew away of - it definitely emphasizes how far Becky has come. Donna’s first appeance in 9x13. That iconic shot of Dean in Bloodlust 2x03 because he’s pretty. Charlie’s first appearance in 7x20 while she dances to Walking On Sunshine (relevant?), Kevin’s first appearance in 7x21 when he becomes a prophet (lots of firsts). Abaddon’s first appearance in As Time Goes By 8x12. Then there’s the first appearance of the bunker, in the next episode, a couple shots in fact. Then more 4x01, Ruby pretending to mistake Dean for the pizza man (eh). Then more present...

This section seems to be mostly “first appearances” - including Ruby’s s4 meatsuit, i.e. Genevieve’s first appearance.

[Gif 5] We suddenly jump to more recent events with Kelly and Jack in heaven in Byzanthium 4x08. Jack’s iconic hello from 4x16 Don’t Go In The Woods. Dean teaching Jack how to drive in 14x07 Unhuman Nature. But then we suddenly go from Jack things to something completely different on the surface: two consecutive moments from Changing Channels 5x08, including the iconic Nutcracker scene, and Sully from Just My Imagination. We are actually back to the previous theme: reality fuckery. Gabriel’s episode was about placing them in “television shows”, Sully, while real, is literally a child’s “imaginary friend”. And then... a moment from the cartoon part of Scoobynatural! It doesn’t get more reality fuckery than that. Oh, wait! Charlie and Dorothy going to Oz in 9x04. That’s a pretty strong contender. Dean being hit in the face by a fairy in 6x09 - also about a realm Dean briefly went to. And, in case we felt like we hadn’t gotten enough 4x01 yet, Pamela’s first appearance (her last, albeit a hallucination, was about the whole “How come you only want what you can't have?” thing).

[Gif 6] We continue again with a mixture of firsts and weird things. Ellen’s first appearance in 2x02, Dean and Cas in 4x18 (we saw Chuck from that episode earlier), Jody’s first appearance in 5x15 Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid. Rufus in 6x04 Weekend At Bobby’s (not his first but a good episode...), Garth in 9x12 Sharp Teeth (not his first but the first in which he is a werewolf and is married... relevant to recent lamp events??), Missouri in 1x09 (her first appearance).

Then Gabriel from 13x21 Beat The Devil (an episode where he plays a trick on Lucifer) and Rowena from the same scene (in fact a scene where they’re flirting).  Then Eileen coming back to life in 15x06 and smiling at Sam. Jo flirting with Dean in 2x02 - her first appearance, again. Funnily enough, she had been introduced as a love interest, but ended up being repurposed as a sisterly figure. Tempted to say it’s relevant in an ironic way. Mary in 14x11 Damaged Goods, when Dean has a goodbye mother-son moment with her. Amara in 11x09 Oh Brother Where Art Thou when she was looking for her brother. Then Lucifer in two different vessels (12x07 Rock Never Dies and 12x21, when Lucifer regains control over the vessel).

Then Metatron doing the find a wife make babies speech to Cas in 8x23! Relevant??? Dun dun dun. Then Ketch for some reason (the first episode where we see his face, 12x08 LOTUS).

[Gif 7] Then Jo/Anael in 13x13, another first appearance. (I cropped these horribly I should have cut them when the present happens lol.)

Sandwiched between two shots from the present, Dean Sam Mary and John having dinner together in 14x13 Lebanon.

Then we start again with Dean riding Larry in 12x11, Dean and Cas dressed as cowboys in 13x06 (mini pattern here...), Asmodeus with the archangel blade in 13x13 (insert meta about Asmodeus in Christian lore here), and the really intriguing “Intermission” shot from the play in 10x05.

[Gif 8] To continue a certain pattern we might be tempted to see, Dean eating piecake from 14x06 Optimism (an episode about a distorted version of romantic love), then Dean eating noodles from 10x13 Halt & Catch Fire (the ghost is a husband that passes on thanks to his wife). Dean after his dentistry session with Garth in 15x10. Meg from 6x10 Caged Heat (the episode with the pizza man porn). Dean and Sam investigating in 4x12 Criss Angel Is a Douchebag (an episode about growing old poorly). Crowley in 10x16 Paint It Black (that episode). Dean playing that game in 14x17 Game Night (the episode Cas calls for God, and when Mary dies - the one playing the game was God...). Sam and Dean getting out of the car in 13x05 when they visit the traumatized kid (peak mourning Dean episode...). Then we go into reality fuckery territory again with 14x15 Peace of Mind, Sam under the psychic’s control and Cas disgruntled about it.

[Gif 9] Mick Davies from 12x16 Ladies Drink Free, when he learnt a lesson about monsters. Dean geeking out about the Hatchet Man - so heavy with mirror significances - in 14x04 Mint Condition. Belphegor - Jack’s dark mirror - in 15x03 The Rupture, the break-up episode. Donna’s first episode again, this time Dean and she eating donuts. Dean, Sam and Mary hugging in 12x22 after the confrontation in Mary’s head. Kaia in 13x09 The Bad Place, when Jack uses her to find the way to where Mary is (Mary pattern?). Claire&co rescuing Jody and Donna in 13x10 Wayward Sisters. Dean in 1944 dresses as a sailor in 11x14 The Vessel. Baby nyooming in 15x11 The Gamblers...

Aaand more Changing Channels, the genital herpes ad. It’s almost like reality fuckery is a theme. Followed by Sam drinking the anti-cold concoction at Garth’s in 15x10 and the two of them outside the monster fighting pit in the same episode. Then Cas, Dean, Sam and Jack on a video call with Ketch in 14x09 The Spear when they talk about the egg to trap Michael.

[Gif 10] We stay in the same episode with the four of them heading to Michael. Then the four of them celebrating Jack’s return to life (after Cas’ deal with the Empty). More present, and then the iconic “we’ve got work to do” [trunk closes] moment from the pilot.

So: some of these moments seem like genuine moments you’ll want to put in a montage, but there’s a weird predominance of characters smiling and looking happy or goofy. It’s kind of... not exactly representative of the show as a whole, you know? There are moments that fit as, you know, iconic steps in the story, but surprisingly few, and many moments you’d expect to be in a “final” montage are blatantly not there. Several moments with, let’s put it like this, suspicious meta connotations. Moments that, well, we don’t know what happens in the finale yet, but smell like they might be relevant to future developments. (Metatron’s speech to newly human Cas anyone?)

What really strikes me is the amount of moments connected to reality being manipulated or distorted in some way. Lots of Changing Channels, fantasy elements of various kinds (the Djinn dream, Scoobynatural, Oz, the imaginary friend Becky’s wedding to Sam, the fairy, ...), them acquiring luck (s3) or losing it (s15), and so on. It’s almost like the sequence is telling us something...

Thoughts?

[cavilhenry]

i know this is not necessarily a universally relatable experience but there's really nothing like high school solidarity. for example i kept a record of how many times my pre-calculus teacher said a certain phrase and on the days i was absent people would fill me in so i could add to my tally. or that time my english class displayed some unparalleled teamwork to find our teacher's blog AND his 90s cover band shoutout to Mr. S you know who you are. or the genuinely inexplicable bond that comes from being traumatized by french class. idk i miss the little spontaneous things that come up when you spend every day with the same people for 4 years, especially the people you otherwise wouldn't really interact with. besides interactions with actual friends, everything has been really impersonal since then because you just don't get that kind of shit in college. anyway my 5 year graduation anniversary is in 2 months and i'm just feeling emo & missing my acquaintances 🥺

[sarsaparillia]

NEVER MIND I LIED I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS BECAUSE THE SUBVERSION OF THE OTOME GENRE THAT IS HATOFUL BOYFRIEND IS JUST SO FUCKING INTERESTING AND EVEN THOUGH I’VE PLAYED IT BEFORE I AM HAVING THOUGHTS IN THIS APARTMENT TONIGHT yes there are spoilers annie if u read this i will be Sad don’t ruin it for urself let the bird nonsense LIVE anyway:

so the thing is, you go into hatoful boyfriend expecting an otome. shit, sure, a weird otome, but there’re weird otome’s out there--- this wasn’t the first weird otome, and it definitely wasn’t the last i am looking at YOU, colonel sanders dating sim, do not think i have forgotten you, i will NEVER forget you, you haunt my waking nightmares and like, it is! it’s an otome! you date birds, but it’s still an otome!

so you play through the routes, and you laugh kind of high-pitched and manic because. yeah, it’s fucken weird. but it’s kind of fun! bright and colourful and also ridiculous, and the ridiculousness is actually kind of a draw. listen to me. the creepy doctor’s theme music is the dance of the sugarplum fairies, i could not make this shit up if i tried. and so you get to know the characters, and you’re having a great time! but then... suddenly... it’s not. suddenly it’s not an otome anymore.

suddenly it’s a horror story.

suddenly it’s a horror story about a pandemic. about, specifically, the aftermath of a pandemic.

and sure, the premise of H1N1 making birds grow giant brains is implausible on a lot of levels, but at least it’s original. i’ll give it points for panache and for balls, because an AAA studio could never, no i am not taking criticism at this time

and the thing is, if you’ve played all the routes--- this last one is a sudden, horrific bucket of cold water poured all over your head. because you know that something happened, to get the world where it is, but you don’t really know what. the MC is a bombastic, overly-friendly girl called hiyoko, and you get really, really fond of her! she’s straight-forward and loud and lives in a cave! what kind of nonsense, honestly! i love her! it’s made pretty clear that hiyoko is the only human at this school. the bird school. which is for birds.

and you go: you know what, whatever. i’m gonna roll with it.

but she dies violently, and then you get to be her best friend and company (a rock dove called ryouta; his boyfriend the haughty fantail dove sakuya; the boyfriend’s older brother yuuya who, for some inexplicable reason, constantly peppers his speech with bad french and who’s life goal is to fight evil whilst being sexy and suave, and that is a direct quote; and their teacher kazuaki, a deeply traumatized quail, among others. again. i COULD NOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP), and it is definitely not an otome, anymore. you are hiyoko’s best friend and you are going to solve her murder, so help you god!

so there’s this really neat flipside to the game as a whole, because now you’ve got a mystery on your hands, and a murder, and then the bodies start piling up. and you’re fucking INVESTED because you’ve played through all these routes and you NEED to know what happened because SO MUCH OF IT doesn’t make sense! there’s no reason behind it! you will cry about hiyoko! why the fuck are you crying about hiyoko, sara, oh my god!

but it does what mysteries so often struggle to do well: it keeps your attention.

and this doesn’t even cover it! i haven’t gone into two very separate political factions that are pulling the game back and forth over the fate of humanity. i haven’t gone into the reality-bending weirdness that is anghel. i haven’t gone into the ghost-bird. i haven’t gone into the fact that the sequel has a whole montage for magical girl pigeons and two abominations of nature who really like christmas. i haven’t even got into the fact that ryouta sometimes crossdresses! there’s just so much, okay! there is so so so much!

it’s not just an otome. it’s an experience. anyway, am i recommending bird school?

you’re absolutely fucking right i am, go play it

just so y’all know the last storyline is called Bad Boys Love like it’s a lot please