#I’d eat stuffed grape leaves all fucking day

[resetmypatientviolence]

Back in Michigan for the holidays.

1) There is no better food than middle eastern food (this is Lebanese) in Metro Detroit. Fucking fire. I could eat like this every damn day and I’m grateful there’s such a rich Arabic culture in this area of the states. (MN has some fire places too but this is out of the world)

2) One half of presents bought for the Michigan folk. Half of these are for a baby and his new mom, a toddler, and a small child. The adults were second.

3) Half of the nights I get the basement and the others??? Idk. It’s what happens with five adults & two adults in the house at once.

Glad that I’ll get a 2nd Christmas in Minnesota to wrap up this year. 🥰

[study-coffee-chicago]

Seasons of Med: Season 2 and Seasons of PD: Season 4: Necessities, Love, & Care (A Halstead Brothers + Halstead Sister! Imagine)

Your age: 15

Jay's age: 29

Will's age: 31

You were currently sitting at the library, trying to figure out how you'd get food for dinner. It was January and you had run out of your Christmas money two weeks ago and you had burned through your money from helping with kettle corn at the beginning of December. Right now you were SOL: Shit outta luck.

Your mind wandered back to the last day you had helped working the kettle corn stand when it was a dreary late October day.

"We have kettle corn, caramel corn, cheddar, Chicago style, and a few other flavors," you explained to a customer. She picked up a medium bag of caramel corn. "That one?"

"Yes, dear. Me and my husband love this stuff," the old lady said.

"I'm sure. It's really good! It'll be six dollars." She pulled out a five and two ones. "I'll be right back with your change."

"Oh, no, keep the change, dear. Thank you for the popcorn."

"You're welcome. Have a nice day."

"Y/N," Emma said to you. "Can you grab me a lemonade from the cooler?"

"Just one?"

"Yup, just one."

You grabbed it from the cooler and were about to pass it to her when you saw who her customers were: Jay and Erin.

"Y/N?" Jay asked. "What are you doing here?"

"Working," you answered quickly. "Little bit of extra money never hurt anybody. The real question is, what are you doing here? I know Erin hates being outside when the weather is crappy."

"It's because he's annoying when he whines and begs to do something, so I figured it was just best to give in," Erin answered.

Jay rolled his eyes. "God, I can't win with either of you. Why do you always gang up on me?"

"Because, Halstead, us girls gotta stick together," Erin laughed.

"Okay, okay, fine. Y/N, what popcorn should I get?"

"First of all, it's kettle corn," you corrected. "And, I suggest the cheddar. Or, if you want a combination of both salty and sweet, then get the Chicago style. It's cheddar and caramel."

"Me and Erin like sweet, but I know you. You like cheddar. And you'll pick out the cheddar pieces when you're at my apartment, so I'll get the Chicago style."

"Or," Erin started as she picked up a large bag of caramel and a large bag of cheddar, "We could get this big bag of caramel, and then you could have this bag at your apartment for Y/N. That way the flavors aren't touching."

"Erin Lindsay and not liking her food touching. Fine, we'll take what Erin suggested and one lemonade."

"One or two straw holes?" Emma asked, picking up the lid-punching tool.

"One's fine," Jay answered.

"They swap enough spit as it is," you whispered to Emma, causing her to laugh.

"What'd she say?" Jay asked.

"I can't tell you. It's a secret."

He huffed. "Fine. Keeping secrets from your big brother? That's cold Y/N, that's cold."

"So you're saying you never kept secrets from Will?" Erin asked.

"I have the right to remain silent."

"Exactly," Erin said. "How much does he owe you?"

"Excuse me? I didn't know I'd be the one paying for all of this."

"You were the one who dragged me outside, so yes, you are paying, Halstead. Now, get your card ready."

Jay rolled his eyes and pulled out his wallet. "How much?"

You did the math in your head. "$23."

"Emma, can you check her math?" Jay asked and you rolled your eyes in his lack of faith in you.

"$10 for the cheddar and $8 for the caramel makes $18...plus $5 for the lemonade...yup $23."

You handed him the card reader. "And now it's just going to ask you a few questions," you told him after his card went through.

Without allowing him to read it all the way through, Erin hit the tip and no receipt buttons. "Hey!" Jay exclaimed.

"Don't blame me! You were the one who wanted me to come out here!" She turned to you and took the bag of kettle corn as Jay picked up the 32 oz lemonade. "Thanks, Y/N!"

"No problem! Just make sure he doesn't buy any more paintings of motorcycles!"

Man, how you wished you could work that job right now because it was only for a few hours on the weekends. But, it was winter now, so there were no street fairs, farmers markets, or festivals going on. Because of this, your money had run out. You'd have to do what you'd have to get yourself some food, even if it would leave you with a guilty conscience.

With that in mind, you got up and left the library.

***

"Pop's been complaining of chest pain and refuses to go to the hospital," Jay told his older brother as he walked through the front door and into the living room.

"Of course he did," Will grumbled. Then, he turned to his father. "This won't take long. Unless it's bad. Then you'll have to come with me and actually go to the hospital this time."

"You can't force me to do anything," he argued as he watched his oldest son open up his medical bag.

"Just let him do his job. He knows what he's doing," Jay agreed with Will. Then, he remembered something. "Where's Y/N?"

"At school."

"At school? At 5 pm?" Jay asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Sometimes she stays after school and does homework. She's always home before it gets too late so I don't ask."

It's not like Jay and Will could have known this, though. Yes, you would talk and they're obviously there for you because they're your brothers, but your dad's parenting skills--or lack thereof--hadn't ever come up. You'd get together with your brothers once a week, but it was usually at one of your brothers' places. They rarely came inside your and your dad's place.

"All units, we have reports of a robbery at 3020 East Main Street. Assistance requested," Jay's radio stated.

Jay looked to Will, silently asking if it was okay for him to take it. "I've got it from here."

"Thanks, man," Jay said, clapping Will on the back and leaving the house.

He drove to the small corner market that had made the call. It was only a block away from where you and your dad lived, but despite it usually being somewhat slow, today it was even slower. There was only one car parked in the lot, so Jay was confused as to who would even rob this place.

He put on his vest and walked into the store. "Got a call about a robbery," he said to the store manager as he entered.

"Yes, right over here."

He led Jay over to where a girl was sitting on a stool, tears rolling down her face. She held a box of pasta, a loaf of bread, and a small jar of peanut butter. Her coat was unzipped, revealing the tampons and pads she had stuffed inside her coat after she had ripped open the box.

"Y/N?" Jay asked in disbelief. "What are you doing? What were you even thinking?"

"I- I'm sorry," you sniffled.

Then he turned to the store manager. "You called the cops on a fifteen-year-old girl for grabbing what looks to me like necessities?"

"I've let her go the past two times when she needed things, but today she didn't have the money, so I couldn't let it slide."

Jay threw $30 in the man's hand. "There. Now it's all paid for." He turned to you and took the loaf of bread. "C'mon."

You followed him out of the store, waiting to be yelled at as you entered his truck, but it didn't come. He pinched the bridge of his nose as he handed you the bread. "Why? Why did you do this?"

"There- There's barely any food in the house. I was just hungry."

Jay looked you up and down. He hadn't been really looking for changes in weight like he told Natalie he would do six months ago. He kept it up for a few months and then winter came around and it was hard to tell because of bulky jackets and sweaters. But, now that he actually looked at your face and hands in an investigative manner, it was clear as day: You had lost even more weight.

"And the other stuff?" he asked.

"Dad won't buy them for me. Says that they're too expensive and to just use something else. He said that if he had had a son he wouldn't have to worry about it, like it's my fault. Usually, I take some from school, but I ran out and I needed them."

"And the food?" Jay asked as he started driving back to his childhood home.

"I get breakfast and lunch at school, but I have to eat dinner at home. And on weekends I just skip meals and eat breakfast and dinner."

"What? What about Dad?"

"He gets takeout or he goes to the bar and isn't home until late."

Jay sighed as he pulled into the driveway. "Go pack a bag, kid. You're staying at my place until further notice."

"Really? I thought you guys forgot about me?"

"We could never forget about you. It's just, work has been busy for both of us. So, sorry if these last few times we've all been together for dinner have seemed a little rushed. Now, go inside and grab your stuff while I have a chat with Will and Dad."

"Dad, Will," Jay said after you had run upstairs and they were sitting on the couch. "I need to talk to you. In the kitchen."

"Really, Jay. Why can't it be here?" your dad grumbled. "First he--" He pointed to Will. "Wants to take me to the hospital because he said I have a valve issue and now I can't even have a conversation with my sons while sitting down?"

"Just get up, dammit!"

The three entered the kitchen and sat down, but Jay stayed standing. "Jay, what's going on?" Will asked.

Instead of answering his older brother, Jay just opened the fridge. There was a half drank gallon of milk, a jar of grape jelly, and a can of pasta sauce, along with other condiments, and a lone egg sat on a shelf. "This? This is what you expect your daughter to eat? I caught her stealing from a store just so she could get food and tampons!"

"Well, I'm not gonna pay for it."

"Excuse you?" Will exclaimed, eyebrows raised in surprise. "What do you mean you're not paying for it? She's your daughter, isn't she? Then you have a legal responsibility to feed her, make sure she has shelter, clothes, and goes to school!"

"She can go get a job."

"She is fucking fifteen!" Jay yelled. "She doesn't need to be worrying about where her next meal is coming from! She's supposed to be worrying about getting a good grade on a math test or if that boy likes her or not, but not that!"

"She needs to learn to grow up someday. And she won't if you boys baby her like you always do whenever you see her."

"Baby her?" Will yelled, disgusted. "She's a kid. She needs to be babied sometimes. She needs fucking food and a nice home to come home to, not whatever the hell you think this is."

"It hasn't been a home since your mother died."

"Yeah, we gathered that," Jay scoffed. "But you don't have to take it out on her."

"Jay," your small voice said from the doorway into the kitchen. All three men looked over to you, your backpack on your back, a duffle bag slung over your shoulder, and your favorite blanket wadded up in your hands so that you could carry it without it dragging on the ground.

"Ready to go?" Jay asked, his voice immediately softening.

"Uh, yeah," you answered, unsure of how your dad would react.

"What do you mean ready to go?" Pat Halstead asked, standing up from where he had been previously sitting at the table. "She's not going anywhere!"

Will rushed over to you, placing a hand on your shoulder while Jay stalked over to be face to face with your dad. "She is coming with me until further notice. You're lucky I don't arrest your ass for child neglect!"

"You wouldn't do that to your own father!"

Jay pulled the cuffs out of his back pocket. "Oh yeah? Try me."

He sat back down and Jay turned to you. "Here, let me take that." You handed him your duffle bag and followed him and Will outside.

"Jay, I gotta go. I gotta get Dad to Med to get the valve fixed. And, I said one hour out of the hospital tops and it's been two."

Jay closed the truck door once you were safely inside with all your stuff. "Good luck trying to get Dad to go the hospital," he scoffed. "Get going. Don't give Goodwin another reason to fire your stupid ass."

"I'll call an ambulance if I have to." Then, Will smacked Jay upside the head.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"You know what it was for. And, I'm your older brother, it's my job."

"I'm your older brother, it's my job," Jay mocked. "But, in all seriousness, do me a favor and make sure Y/N's all caught up on her immune- immune--"

"Immunizations?" Will laughed.

"Yeah, those."

"I'll do that. And if she's not, I'll give them to her tonight when I come over to your place after my shift is done...which will be in like two hours...depending on how much of a pain in the ass he is to get in the hospital."

Jay nodded, and then got in the truck, both of you making your way to his place.

"I'm gonna go take a shower," Jay said after you had put your stuff down by the couch. "You have homework?"

"Yeah," you looked down, not wanting to even try and struggle through your homework...or have Jay sign the slip that said that you failed your last test.

Jay smiled. "I'll help you with it when I'm out of the shower, okay, kid?"

"How'd you know--"

"That is the universal facial expression of I need help, but I don't know how to ask for it. I'll be ten minutes tops."

And so, you tried to struggle through your homework for ten minutes. But, you ended up working and reworking the stupid algebra problem. Why did math need letters anyway?

"Okay, I'm back," Jay said as he pulled a chair out to sit next to you. "What are you workin' on?"

"Can you sign this first?" you asked, sliding the yellow paper over to him along with the pen. You hoped he'd just sign it blind, but as you saw his eyes skimming the page, you knew that wouldn't happen.

"Did you try your best?" he asked as he slid the piece of paper back to you after signing it.

"What? Yeah, of course, I did."

"Okay, then we'll figure something out. Now, how about we eat some dinner? I've got pizza in the freezer. That okay?"

"That's great," you answered.

Jay got the pizza in the oven while you went and changed into your pajamas. You decided it was in your best interest to have Will help you with your math homework.

***

"Ah! The man of the hour!" Jay exclaimed as he pulled out the pizza and Will entered the house.

You immediately noticed the red bag he was carrying over his shoulder and the two king-sized Twix bars.

"Why do you have your medical bag?" you asked.

"How did you know this was my medical bag?"

"I'm not stupid, Will."

"Okay, so you're all caught up on your shots, but I need to do a blood draw because I need to see if you're deficient in any vitamins and minerals. Have you been eating enough fruits and veggies?" he asked.

"Probably not as much as I should," you admitted. "They're too expensive unless I get the canned kind and I don't like those unless it's canned peaches. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Short Stack. None of this is your fault. You hear me? None of it. I just need to take the blood and then get it sent to the lab to see if you need to get any specific pills to get your vitamin and mineral levels up."

"Okay. Does it hurt?" you asked. You knew what a shot felt like, but you'd never had your blood drawn before, so you didn't know what it felt like to have a needle in your arm for a long time, taking blood. You knew what it felt like to have an IV in from when you passed out at the movie theater, but you didn't know if this needle would be the same size or bigger.

"You just feel a slight pinch at the beginning."

"Like getting a shot?"

"Like getting a shot," he confirmed.

"Hey, I was thinking," Jay started as he reappeared from the kitchen area, "what if we have celery and carrots with ranch for dinner, too? You know, like when we eat chicken wings at restaurants and they bring you some veggies, except we'll have ours with pizza."

"Okay," you agreed. "I like ranch."

"So does everyone in the midwest," Will joked.

"What's the medical bag for?" Jay asked. "She needs shots? And, what's with the Twix bars?"

"No, I'm drawing her blood to see if she's deficient in anything. And, there's one Twix bar for her and one for you because we all know how you feel about needles, Jay."

Jay rolled his eyes. "We doing this before we eat?"

"Yes. And, I need you to answer some questions for me, Y/N. These are strictly doctor protocol questions, okay? You don't need to be embarrassed about any of the answers."

You nodded.

"Okay," Will started, "When did you last eat? Just need to write it down for fasting glucose levels."

"Um, lunch at school, so around noon."

"So, six-hour fast," Will scribbled down on a piece of paper. "Next one, are you sexually active?"

"Will!"

"It's just standard protocol, just in case I need to test for STDs."

"No, I am not. Next question."

"Okay, last one: When was your last period?"

"You've got to be kidding me. I'm not pregnant, I haven't had sex!"

Will chuckled. "It's not for that. Sometimes when people are deficient in vitamins and minerals, they can lose their period for months at a time, signaling that their body isn't healthy. The medical term is amenorrhea." But, what he wanted to say was that when girls are underweight, this can also happen. And, from seeing how baggy your sweatshirt and jeans were on you, he assumed that you'd lost ten pounds since last going to the doctor when you passed out in the movie theater parking lot, making your weight loss a grand total of 25 pounds, which would qualify you as being underweight.

"Oh. I started today."

"Okay, good to know. Any changes in length or heaviness of menstruation?"

"I swear, I'd rather have Natalie or April be asking me these questions," you grumbled. "But, yes, it's a lot lighter and it went from me having my periods for five days to two days. Can we please stop talking about this now?"

"Yeah, we're all done. Sorry about that, but it's protocol."

"Says the guy who's drawing my blood at Jay's apartment instead of in a hospital, where it should be done."

"Hey, I've worked in much worse conditions than this in Sudan. How much water did you drink today?"

"A lot."

"Okay, good." Will started to unzip his medical bag. He passed a Twix bar to Jay. "Here, eat this and focus on it so you don't focus on the needles and then freak out."

Jay rolled his eyes, but took the candy bar and unwrapped it.

"Do I get one?" you asked.

"Once I draw your blood, yes, the other one is for you. Now, right or left arm?"

You held out your left arm and Will moved to the other side of you so he had a better angle. He sanitized his hands and then snapped on a pair of gloves.

"So, what do you do?" you asked. "I've never had my blood drawn before."

"I just tie off your arm so that I can get the veins to show a bit better, wipe down the spot with an antiseptic wipe, stick the needle in, and then wait for the vial to fill up."

"That's it?"

"That's it. Can you make a fist with your left hand for me?"

You did as Will told you and then he tied a band around your bicep and started touching the inside of your elbow, trying to get some veins to show. He furrowed his eyebrows and moved down your arm, rubbing your forearm and then going back up to the crook of your elbow and gently pressing there.

"What's wrong?" you asked.

"You just have really small veins is all. I could take the blood from the big vein in your forearm, but I don't really want to do that one since it's so big. Can you squeeze your fist tighter for me?" You did as he said while he kept pressing on the crook of your elbow. "There we go. Got one. Now, turn and look at Jay while I get the needle ready."

You looked at Jay and tried not to laugh. "You okay?"

"Me? I should be asking you that," he replied. "You're the one who's about to get stabbed with a needle."

"It's just that you got some sweat on your forehead. You look nervous."

"They're needles. They're tiny little sharp metal objects and if one breaks off--"

"Jay, respectfully," Will started, cutting off his brother, "shut the hell up, so you don't scare my patient. You might just want to look away instead of watching me. Then you might feel fine." Then, he turned back to you. "Okay, Y/N, keep looking at Jay. Close your eyes if you want to. You're going to feel a small pinch."

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. Then, you squeezed your eyes shut tightly and grit your teeth, trying not to yell out as the needle pierced your skin.

"Hard part's done," Will said. You nodded, still keeping your eyes closed.

"That was not a small pinch," you retorted about a minute later.

"Sorry."

You opened your eyes and watched as the blood flowed from your vein into the small tube that was hooked up to the needle.

"I thought you hated blood," Jay pointed out. "And here you are, watching the entire process."

"I'm fine when it's my blood if it's not a huge, deep cut," you explained. "It's other people's blood I don't like."

"Well, that takes any job in the medical field off your career choices," Will said.

You sat there for a few more minutes, waiting for the vial to fill up. Will pressed on your arm, close to the needle, to see if more would come out. "This vein is really small," he said.

You watched as the blood coming into the tube started becoming slower and slower, in what looked to be bubbles.

"Just a little more," Will muttered.

You started taking deeper breaths as you felt sweat start to bead on your forehead.

"Okay, let's see how much this gave me." He pressed his thumb above where the needle was and you turned back to Jay as he removed the needle.

Then, he got the blood into the vial. "Bad news," he started, "I might need to take more. Let's see how much extra there is." He put the extra into another, smaller vial. "Yeah, this one clotted too, so bad news, we need more."

You nodded and closed your eyes, feeling your face get hot and starting to feel lightheaded. You pinched the bridge of your nose, willing this uncomfortable feeling to go away.

"You doing okay?" Will asked.

"Yeah," you answered.

"Okay, I'm gonna do your right arm this time." You held your right arm out to him. "Make a fist for me." You did as he told you and he tied the blue band around your bicep.

But, you were getting even dizzier. "Actually, can I get some water? I feel dizzy."

"Course," Will said. "Jay, can you get her some water and juice if you have any?"

"Apple juice good?"

"That's fine," you answered.

Will untied the band from your bicep. "We're just going to wait a few minutes until you feel less dizzy before I take more blood, okay?"

You nodded and took the water from Jay when he came back.

"Let's have the juice after I finish," Will suggested after a few minutes had passed and you finished the water. "Feeling better, Short Stack?"

"Yeah, let's get this over with." Your forehead was still a bit sweaty, but you were a lot less dizzy.

Will repeated the same process as the last arm and it went a lot faster. Turns out he picked a bit bigger vein in the crook of your elbow of this arm than he did the other one.

"And, we're done," Will said as he capped the vial.

He handed you the juice. "Thanks," you said. "That was not fun."

"I bet. At least you didn't pass out. I've had a few patients do that when I went through my clinicals. That's why normally when someone gets their blood drawn, they sit in this chair where something is flipped down in front of them so they don't fall out of the chair just in case they pass out."

"Jay, do you pass out?" you asked.

He scoffed. "No. I don't even get dizzy. My body doesn't react like that."

"He just breaks out into a sweat whenever he sees needles," Will whispered, loud enough for Jay to hear.

"Hey! I heard that! Take one more jab at me and you won't be getting any pizza, Will. I mean it!"

Will held his hands up in a mock surrender while you finished up your juice. Then, Will started to pack up his medical stuff and Jay brought the pizza and veggies and ranch out, along with plates of course.

You ate your pizza while Will helped you with your math homework. Once you finished two slices of pizza and some celery and ranch, you said that you were done.

"You sure?" Jay asked. "You can have as much as you want."

"I'm good. Gotta save some for tomorrow." Your eyes widened as you realized what you had just said. "I'm gonna go take a shower. It's been a long day."

"Okay, clean towels are in the cabinet in the bathroom where they always are," Jay said, trying not to react to what you had just said even though he knew exactly what you were doing.

You were rationing food.

"Fuck," Jay said as he put his head in his hands when he knew you were in the bathroom and out of earshot.

"What? What did she mean by gotta save some for tomorrow?" Will asked.

"She's rationing it. I used to do it in Afghanistan. Save some of my MRE and put it in my pack to eat the next day if I was on a long trek and we knew we wouldn't get back to base. It would be cold and usually disgusting, but I'd choke it down because it was calories and I needed fuel to be sharp in case we came in contact with combatants."

"Poor kid. At least we had Mom."

Jay nodded. "What happened with Dad at the hospital?"

"Had to have a mitral valve replacement because his wasn't working properly. Told him over and over to get his checked regularly, but he didn't because he's stubborn. He went for the non-surgical option first, but then there were complications, so Rhodes performed surgery. He's fine."

"That's good... I guess." Jay glanced around and he saw your duffle bag sitting outside the bathroom door. You had grabbed your clothes to bring them into the bathroom and left your open duffle bag by the door.

Jay stood up and started walking towards it.

"What are you doing?" Will hissed.

"I need to see if she's got anything else in there that will help prove neglect. I'm assuming it needs to be proved...I only know criminal court cases, don't know much about family court cases."

"What do you mean family court? You're going to fight Dad to be able to take care of her?"

"Yeah, I'll fight to be her legal guardian. Unless you want to do it. My loan went through for a new apartment, which has two bedrooms, so I figured I might be better suited."

"Go ahead. You'd probably have a better chance anyway because you were around more when I was in New York."

Jay nodded and started to dig around your duffle bag. He chuckled and pulled out your Build-A-Bear. "She still sleeps with Beary," he said as he held up the stuffed bear. "Probably doesn't change his clothes anymore because she's too old for that, but he's in pajamas."

"Remember that military uniform you got for her bear? Mom said she barely took Beary out of that because she missed you so much."

"Yeah, and if she wouldn't have dropped him at the airport, I might not have met Mouse."

The two fell into a comfortable silence as he continued to dig through your bag. He got to a big zip-lock bag full of pieces of fabric that were stained light reds and browns.

"Will, c'mere," Jay said, waving him over. Will squatted down next to Jay. "You know what this is?"

Will sighed. "Unfortunately, yes. I saw a lot of this when I worked in Sudan."

"Well, what is it?"

"So, when girls don't have access or money to buy feminine hygiene products, they'll use scraps of fabric and wash them. Looks to me like she cut up some, um, she cut up some underwear and then used them as make-shift pads. If they aren't taken care of properly, she could end up with an infection. And, if she tried to use them as tampons instead of pads, it could lead to TSS, which stands for Toxic Shock Syndrome."

"We're gonna have to talk to her about this now, aren't we?"

"Unfortunately, yeah. She's not gonna be happy you dug through her stuff, so I'll let you explain why you were going through it. And, if she used them as tampons, I want her to get a pelvic exam, just to make sure she didn't get any infections. Much more likely to get an infection from tampons than pads."

Jay nodded. He hated having the current conversation and knew he was going to hate the next one even more, but he knew he had to do these things if he wanted to petition the court for legal guardianship.

Jay picked up your duffle bag and brought it to the living room and he set the zip-lock bag full of pieces of fabric on top.

"I can't believe we missed this," Will said. "I mean, we're both trained in how to spot abuse and we couldn't even spot it in our little sister."

"There weren't outright signs," Jay said. "No bruising, limping, cuts, burns, nothing like that. And, it's winter, it's easy to hide the weight loss. But, I still agree with you. If we would've spotted it earlier, we could've gotten her out of there."

"I'm pretty sure she's officially underweight now."

Jay ran a hand through his hair and then stood back up. "I'm gonna go put clean sheets on my bed. I'll let Y/N take it tonight so that we can keep talking out here when she goes to sleep."

"Good idea."

A few minutes later, Jay was back on the couch next to Will and you walked out of the bathroom, wearing a baggy t-shirt and some sweatpants that you had to keep pulling up because they were too big on you now, and a pair of fuzzy socks. You were cold all the time now and wanted your hoodie out of your duffle and wanted to put your dirty clothes in there, but when you looked down to the spot where you thought you had put it, it wasn't there.

"Guys?" you asked. "Have you seen my bag?"

You walked over to the kitchen table where your blanket was sitting on the chairs and wrapped that around yourself instead.

You furrowed your eyebrows as you saw your brothers on the couch, your duffle bag in front of them on the floor, and on top, your bag of ripped-up, old underwear that you used as pads when you didn't have any.

"You went through my stuff?" you asked, starting to become angry.

"Y/N," Jay started, "I know you're mad and it was me who went through it and not Will, so don't be mad at him, be mad at me. But, I went through it to see if anything was in there that could help me get you out of dad's house. Permanently."

"You- You want to have custody of me?" you asked.

A small smile appeared on Jay's lips and he nodded. "It wouldn't be considered custody because I'm not your biological parent, it would be considered guardianship, but yes, I want you to stay with me. And, my loan went through for a new apartment, so you'd have your own room and everything."

"Okay."

Jay looked at Will, not wanting to be the one to start this conversation. And, he figured Will would be the best one to start it because he was a doctor.

"Y/N, we need to ask you about these." Will motioned to the zip-lock bag on top of your stuff.

You sat in the loveseat across from them and looked down at your feet.

"It's okay, you're not in trouble," Will continued. "We just want to know how you used them in case you need to get a pelvic exam to check for infections in that area."

Your lip began to tremble as tears started to roll down your cheeks. "I used them as pads," you said quietly. "Dad wouldn't buy me any and I stopped getting them from school because I thought they'd suspect something was wrong if I- if I kept taking them."

"One more question," Will said softly. "I just need to know in case we need to take you in for this. I know you said you used them as pads, but did you ever try and use them as tampons?"

"No. I only used them as pads," you whispered. "I was scared to use them as tampons." You looked up at your brothers, who both had tears in their eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," you rushed. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner I was just--" You let out a wail and Jay got up and knelt in front of you.

"Hey, hey, none of this is your fault. Do you hear me? Absolutely none of this is on you. It's all on Dad. Every single bit of it. You are not the one to blame."

You launched yourself into his arms, crying out every emotion you had felt these past few months: anger, frustration, fear, sadness, it was all coming out now.

And, Jay just held you and let you cry it out because that was what your guys' mom used to do for him. And, he knew it worked.

Twenty minutes later, your wails were just quiet whimpers and you pushed yourself back up onto the loveseat, where Will had moved to the spot next to you. He wrapped an arm around you and you leaned into him, craving the comfort that had been denied to you for so long.

"You still have that Twix bar?" you asked.

"All that crying made you hungry, didn't it, Short Stack?" Will asked as Jay got up to retrieve the candy bar from the table.

You nodded.

"Thank you," you said when Jay handed you the Twix bar. You unwrapped it and broke it into the two sticks. "You guys want any?" They both shook their heads: they knew you needed to get as many calories in you as possible.

Jay sighed, he might as well get this hard conversation over with you tonight as well. "Y/N, you can eat as much as you want. I won't say anything about you eating too much, okay?"

You looked up from your candy bar. "You won't call me a burden because I'm eating your food? Like Dad did?"

"He said that?" Will asked, giving Jay a look that read when I see him next, I can't be held accountable for my actions.

"Yeah. One time there were some leftovers he had gotten from a bar and I was so hungry and it was the middle of the night, so I took them out and heated them up. The microwave timer must've woken him up because he came out just as I was about to start eating and then he yelled at me for eating his food and called me a burden."

"Well, we don't think that. Neither Will nor me think that," Jay told you. "And you can eat as much as you want."

You yawned as you crumpled up your Twix wrapper.

"Tired?" Will asked.

"Yeah," you mumbled.

"It's been a long day," Jay said. "You can take my bed."

"Jay, it's your apartment, I can't--"

"Y/N, this isn't up for discussion. I already put clean sheets on the bed for you."

"Is- Is there a fan in your room? I can't sleep without white noise."

"There is. You want me and Will to tuck you in?"

"I'm too old for that." You stood up and Will did, too. "Jay, can you hand me Beary? He should be in my duffle."

"Here you go, kid."

You took your bear and held him loosely in your arm. Then, you enveloped Jay in a hug and did the same for Will.

"I love you guys."

"We love you, too," Will said.

"Now get to sleep. You've still got school in the morning. I'll be here when you wake up."

"Dad sometimes wouldn't be home when I woke up for school. He'd be at a friend's house sleeping off a hangover from the night before or just sleeping."

Jay furrowed his eyebrows. "Doesn't he have to work?"

"He does work, but only a few days a week. The other days, he stays out really late and then comes home either drunk or hungover."

"I see," Jay stated. "Well I won't be doing that, I can promise you that."

"I know. You aren't like Dad. Neither of you are." You yawned again. "I'm going to bed, goodnight."

A few minutes later, you were out like a light and Will was still at Jay's apartment.

"So, Abby called me the other day," Will started. "She's looking for you. Says she's in town for a few days and wants to meet up."

"Oh yeah? She say why?" Jay asked, wondering why his ex-wife--who was the result of a blackout drunk wedding in Vegas, a thing that lasted only 24 hours tops--was in Chicago and was looking for him of all people.

"She said you two are still married."

Jay threw his head back against the couch and closed his eyes. "You have got to be fucking kidding me."

***

"Morning," Jay said as he stood at the stove flipping some eggs. "Sleep good?"

"I slept really good. Didn't even hear you wake up."

"Fan did the trick then?"

You nodded and grabbed a mug from the cupboard and went to start pouring yourself a cup of coffee.

"Nuh-uh," Jay chirped, putting his hand on the handle of the coffee pot as well.

"Why not? I drank it at Dad's."

Jay raised an eyebrow. "You drank coffee at Dad's?"

"Yeah, on the weekends sometimes that would be my breakfast because it curbs my appetite and there wasn't a lot to eat."

Jay sighed. "Well, you'll have enough to eat here, I can promise you that. And, coffee stunts your growth."

"Jay," you groaned. "I haven't grown since sixth grade."

"Okay, well, then you don't want to become dependent on it at such an early age, then. Come talk to me when you're a legal adult or in college."

"Fine." You let go of the coffee pot and put the mug back in the cupboard.

"You can have juice though." The toast in the toaster popped up and Jay placed the toast on a plate and then put a slice of cheese on each piece and then an egg on top. He also put a small bowl of strawberries next to it. "I'm gonna go get dressed while you eat. And then, once you're ready, I'll take you to school."

"Okay, thanks, Jay."

"You're welcome, kiddo."

You rolled your eyes at the nickname and then went to the fridge to get the apple juice. When you opened the fridge, you saw a brown paper bag with your name on it. Curiosity got the best of you, so you took it out and looked at the contents while you ate your breakfast.

Inside was a ham and Colby jack cheese sandwich with lettuce, pickles, mustard, and mayonnaise, an apple, a coconut-flavored Greek yogurt, celery with peanut butter, and a chocolate chip granola bar. There were also two dollars at the bottom of the bag paperclipped together with a sticky note stuck to the top.

For chocolate milk. ~Jay was what the note read.

Tears sprung to your eyes as you continued to eat your breakfast. You don't remember the last time you brought a lunch to school; you'd always get your lunch for free at school. When you got the paper from school about the free/reduced lunch because teachers noticed you didn't have much to eat, you waited until your dad was hungover and it was early in the morning, and handed him a pen and he signed the paper blindly. And, that's how you got lunch and breakfast at school without any cost to you or your dad.

"Hey, I can just brush my teeth at the kitchen sink if you want the bathroom--" He cut himself off when he saw the tears in your eyes. "What's wrong?"

"You- You made me lunch?" you asked as you turned to face him.

He smiled. "Of course I did. I know how bad cafeteria food can be. And, if it tastes good, it's usually not very good for you."

"Thank you," you said as you wiped a tear away that had rolled down your cheek.

"Aww, hey, don't cry, don't cry. It's okay. You're safe now. You don't need to worry about where your next meal will come from. And, I'm going to petition a judge for legal guardianship in a few days. I just have to have a few conversations with some lawyers."

"Does this mean you have to move? I don't want to kick you out of your apartment."

Jay dismissed that with a wave. "I already put in a loan application for a new apartment. Two bedrooms. Really nice."

"Can you tell me about it? While I finish eating my strawberries."

Jay nodded and sat down in the chair across from you. "It's a two-bedroom, washer, dryer. But, I know you don't care about those things. There's underground parking. It's got a gym, a whole club level, with like a coffee lounge, and all this other stuff."

"That sounds really nice."

"Yeah, it is a pretty nice building. Coffee lounge would be perfect for you to get your homework done if you don't feel like staying in the apartment."

"I thought you said I couldn't drink coffee?" you asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I meant the caffeine in the coffee. Decaf coffee and lattes and tea lattes, that's a different story. I'm sure they have pastries there, too."

"Never pegged you for a coffee snob," you joked.

"You learn a lot about coffee and about a person when you have to get your entire unit coffee. I'll let you in on a little secret: Ruzek's coffee order is the most complicated."

"Really?"

"Really. Now, go finish getting ready. Don't want you being late for school."

***

"Hey, Er, can you meet me at the diner we usually go to?" Jay asked his girlfriend over the phone after he had dropped you off at school.

"Yeah, no problem. Give me fifteen minutes. We haven't caught a case yet, but we should keep our radios on just in case. Everything okay?"

"It's a long story. I'll explain everything in person, okay?"

"Okay," Erin answered skeptically. "I'll see you in a few."

Fifteen minutes later on the dot, Erin walked into the little diner and spotted Jay sitting in the corner booth.

"Alright, what's going on?" she asked after she had ordered her food and some coffee. "You sounded really stressed on the phone."

Jay sighed. "I'm going to fight for legal guardianship of Y/N."

"What? Why? What happened?" Erin asked as she widened her eyes.

"Our dad, he uh, he hasn't really been the greatest. Not keeping food in the house, calling her a burden when she tries to eat some of his food, not buying her products for you know...girl stuff. She's probably lost like 25 pounds since the end of last school year. And, I know that doesn't sound like a lot with the amount of time that's passed, but she's underweight. Will drew some of her blood last night to see if she's deficient in some vitamins or minerals."

"My God."

"Yeah, so, I know we were going to move into your place together, but I need another bedroom and my loan went through at that place I told you about, so I'm going to put an offer in there. You could always move in with me if you want, but I don't know if it would be a good idea for that to happen right away. I just want to get Y/N healthy again. I'm sorry."

"Jay, I get it. She's family. Do you know how you're going to go about this? Did you talk to Voight about taking any time off to sort this out?"

"Not yet. But, I think I'm going to call Antonio and see if he can help me out with getting a meeting with ASA Stone. I know he works criminal cases, but he's gotta know some stuff about family court cases. So, I figured he might be able to help me with this whole process."

"Good idea. If you need any help, just say the word and I'll be there."

Jay smiled. "Thanks, Er." He didn't want to have the conversation he was about to have, but he knew he had to tell her. "There's uh, there's one more thing I need to tell you."

"Okay, what is it?"

"About eight years ago, I was married."

"Excuse me, what? You were married and you didn't tell me?"

Jay knew this was a bad idea...which was why he hadn't wanted to tell Erin, but now that he wasn't officially divorced for whatever reason, he knew needed to tell her. "Just let me explain."

"Yes, please do," Erin sneered.

"Her name's Abby. She ran Cultural Support during my last tour in Kandahar. About a year after I came home, I saw her at a funeral in Vegas. Was... was a guy in our unit, he had redeployed, and, um, he didn't... Um, I was, like, blacking out most nights, and we were both pretty shook up. And, um, we got married." He chuckled at the thought of his twenty-one-year-old self thinking that marriage was a good idea. "It was, like, a 24-hour thing, it was a total joke, and it is long over."

Erin just stared at him, as he waited to be chewed out by her. "Jay, you married this girl. And you never told me, and you were never gonna tell me," was all she said.

"I know. And, I'm sorry. But, I'm meeting up with her in a few days to sign the documents that I thought I'd signed because she's getting married and we need to make the divorce official...even though, in my mind, it's been official for eight years.

"Er, please don't hate me, but with everything going on, with me trying to get guardianship of Y/N and me finding out that I'm somehow still married--"

"You want us to take a break?" Erin asked, finishing his sentence for him.

Jay nodded. "I'm sorry. I just don't think I can juggle a relationship with all this other stuff. And, it's not fair to you."

Erin swallowed. "Well, just tell me if you need any help with Y/N. I'll always be there for you. Relationship or partnership, I'll always have your six."

"And I'll always have yours."

Erin's phone buzzed on the table and she picked it up. "It's Voight. We caught a case."

Jay laid some bills on the table. "Then let's go."

***

"Got the results of Y/N's bloodwork back," Will told Jay over the phone while he had a quick break for lunch...even though it was four o'clock in the afternoon. But, that's the thing about the medical field: breaks are never regular.

"And? Any deficiencies?" Jay asked, walking into his bedroom as you were at the table doing homework and he didn't want to distract you.

"Yes, two actually. Iron and riboflavin. The low iron explains why her periods have become shorter and lighter, but that can also be attributed to how small she is now."

"How do we go about this then?"

"I'll send you a list of foods that have levels high iron and riboflavin. Oh, riboflavin's found in vitamin B by the way."

"Okay, care to tell me what iron and riboflavin do? I know iron helps with hemoglobin and red blood cells, but I have no idea what riboflavin does."

"You're right about iron. I'm shocked. Or, what do the kids say these days? I'm shook."

"I swear to God, please never use that phrase again. And, I know what iron does because I paid attention in high school nutrition class, thank you very much."

"If I remember correctly, I helped you with most of the homework in that class."

"Whatever, you helped me. Now, tell me about riboflavin."

"So, riboflavin just helps convert food into energy and is needed for healthy skin, hair, blood, and a healthy brain." Jay could hear a beeping in the background on Will's end. "Gotta go. I'll send you that list of foods right now, though."

"Thanks, man."

You looked up as Jay came back into the kitchen. "Everything okay?" you asked.

Jay pulled out a chair and sat across from you. "So, I just got off the phone with Will. He got the results from your bloodwork back."

"Is it bad? Am I dying?" You set your pencil down, bracing yourself for bad news.

"No," Jay chuckled, "you're not dying. You just don't have enough iron and riboflavin, which is a specific B vitamin. Will sent me a list of foods that have high levels of those in them. You up for some grocery shopping? We can also grab some multivitamins that have those in them, too, just to help your levels stabilize faster."

"Okay, we can go now. I'm due for a break."

***

"So, some foods that contain riboflavin include milk, eggs, cheese, yogurt, meats, green leafy vegetables, and riboflavin enriched grains and cereals," Jay read off his phone.

"I've had a lot of those today already," you pointed out. "Eggs and cheese with breakfast. I had that yogurt for a snack at school, and I had meat and cheese on my sandwich and I had chocolate milk with my lunch at school."

That was just standard, Jay thought. He wondered what you ate when you were at your Dad's. And, he knew that if he wanted to obtain guardianship of you, he'd need to know these things.

"What did you eat at Dad's?" Jay probed.

"I mean, I barely made it to school on time most mornings because I was trying to be quiet so I didn't wake Dad, which made me move slower when getting ready. So, I'd usually just grab a small thing of dry cereal when I got to school and eat it in my first class. I never checked to see if it was one of the enriched ones. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize. There's no way you could've known. Now, what did you usually have for lunch at school?"

"I always tried to get veggies with my lunch, but most of the veggies were the gross canned ones, like canned corn or green beans. I don't like those. Sometimes, they'd have little salads as a side and I'd get those. Sometimes they'd have yogurt parfaits and I'd get those. But, I'd usually go for the pre-made subs, because at least those would have veggies on them...even if it was just lettuce and pickles. I'd usually try to get an apple or banana as my side, too." You paused. "If I was getting meat and cheese from the sub and milk from my chocolate milk, then how am I deficient in this?"

"It's probably because the meat and cheese schools use is so heavily processed that there are little to no vitamins left in it," Jay answered.

"And you know this how?"

"As you get older, you acquire a lot of knowledge and one of those things is that the more processed a food is, the fewer vitamins and minerals are preserved...and I watch a lot of The Food that Built America on the History channel."

"Oh, okay. What foods are on that show?"

"Usually it's about fast food. One episode I watched last week was about ice cream and popsicles and how they came to be in America. Pretty interesting."

"Can we watch an episode tonight? That show sounds good."

"Of course." He paused in front of the fresh produce. "Take your pick. But, just make sure you get some leafy greens for the riboflavin and some fruit and other green veggies for iron."

You picked up a few things such as more apples, a bag of Clementines, bananas, spinach, carrots, and celery, and then, you shocked your brother as you picked up a bag of kale.

"Kale?" he asked. "Didn't know you liked it."

You shrugged. "I heard it tastes kind of like spinach. And, I saw a recipe on Pinterest for a salad that has kale, lemon juice, and dates. Is it okay if we try that?"

"You know, I think that would be the perfect side for dinner tonight. I'll add lemon juice and dates to the list."

"I didn't grab too many fruits and veggies, right?" you asked, not wanting to waste food or your brother's hard-earned money. "I- I can put some back if you want me to."

"Nope, it's all good. We can always freeze the bananas if they go bad for smoothies or banana bread. And, we can always turn the apples into apple sauce. Spinach and kale freeze well, too and you can't even taste them if we put them in smoothies."

"How do you know this stuff?" you asked.

"I used to watch Mom cook a lot when I was little. And, when I moved out on my own, she gave me a copy of a cookbook she always used. Said the recipes at the beginning of the book were simple enough that I wouldn't burn my apartment down."

You laughed at the thought of your mom scolding Jay if his apartment got ruined from his cooking. "Do you still have it?" you asked. "The cookbook, I mean."

"I do."

"Can we make something out of it tonight?"

"You know, I think that's a great idea." He pursed his lips. "How about Mom's chicken pot pie? I think I have some frozen peas and corn in the freezer and we can use the carrots we just grabbed in it, too."

"That sounds really good. Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me." Jay paused. He figured now would be as good a time as any to tell you. "Uh, do you remember the day that we got ice cream and went and played soccer with Ben when you were little? The night that Mom went into the hospital?"

You nodded, swallowing the lump in your throat at the memory of that day.

"Well, she told me to take care of you. There's no way I would break a promise to Mom."

"She said that?"

"Mhmm."

"It's like she knew something was going to happen."

"Mom was a smart lady. Will had to have gotten it from somewhere and he sure didn't get it from Dad."

You laughed. "Hey, you're smart, too. Just not sciency smart. You're more puzzle smart because you put the pieces together of who committed a crime." Jay laughed at your description of his job. "Oh, is the recipe for Mom's garlic mashed potatoes in that cookbook?"

"It is. Want those as a side along with the salad you mentioned?"

"Yes, please...if it's not a problem."

"They're super simple and quick to make." He scribbled on a piece of notebook paper that he had written down a few groceries on, like the salad ingredients you had mentioned. "Alright, potatoes, a rotisserie chicken, and pastry dough have all been added to the list."

***

"I'll be back later tonight, no later than midnight," Jay told you two days later on Sunday night. "I know it's not ideal because you have school in the morning, but try and get some sleep while I'm gone, okay?"

"I'm used to being home alone at night, Jay." You shrugged. "I'll be fine."

"I know, it's just that not something I want you to get used to. Feel free to eat anything you want, cook anything you want. As long as you don't burn down the house, I don't care what you make. Oh, and remember to take your multivitamin before bed."

You rolled your eyes. "I'm fifteen, not five. Now, get going. Don't want you to be late to meet that lawyer."

"Love you. I'll be back by midnight. Lock the door behind me."

"I will. Love you, too."

With that, Jay left his apartment to go meet with ASA Stone and you locked the door behind him as he told you.

***

"So, Antonio told me you have some custody questions," Peter Stone said once he closed the door of his office.

"That's right," Jay replied as he took a seat in front of Stone's desk and turned his phone completely off and Stone took a seat in his chair behind his desk.

"Didn't know you had a kid, Halstead."

"No, I don't actually," Jay chuckled. "I have a kid sister. Name's Y/N and she's fifteen."

"Okay, and why do you want guardianship then?"

"When me and Will, my older brother, were kids, our dad kinda checked out on parenting us when we hit our mid-teens. But, we had our mom around, so it was okay. I went over there the other day because my dad was having some heart issues and I called Will. When I was there, I got a call of a robbery and it was Y/N. She was stealing food from a corner store because our dad wasn't feeding her," Jay explained.

"I see. So, other than her word and her stealing food, do you have any proof of this?"

"I know I should've called DCFS before letting her stay with me, but I couldn't let her stay there a minute longer, Peter. She's lost like 25 pounds in the past six months and she's deficient in both iron and vitamin B."

"Okay, what we have to do is petition for guardianship in front of a judge. I can help you with the documents and I can even represent you at the hearing if you want."

"Wow, yeah, that'd be great. Thank you."

"Anything else you want to tell me about your dad? Any physical or emotional abuse?"

"Not technically, but there is something else." And then Jay launched into all the information you had told him two days ago.

"Okay. And, you know your dad could theoretically press kidnapping charges against you because you took his kid without his permission?"

"I do. But he was basically starving her. No jury would find me guilty."

"I'm not going to argue with you about that one because I agree with you."

"So, do you think I have a chance of getting guardianship over Y/N?"

"In theory, yes. But, most judges like to keep the child with their biological parents. But, seeing as Y/N's fifteen, she does get some say in who she stays with," Stone explained. "When we have a custody or guardianship battle, we use the child's best interest standard. This means that you must prove that you are capable of providing food, clothing, housing, medical care, and a stable home life for Y/N. There will be one or two home visits before appearing before a judge, just to let you know."

"I'm aware of that. And, I just put an offer in on a new apartment with two bedrooms this morning and they're pretty quick in responding, so I should know in the next few days whether or not I got it."

"That's a good start. And you are financially stable to raise her until she turns eighteen, so three more years?"

"I am."

"Alright, let's start on those documents then. Unless you have any more questions for me?"

"I do actually. I, uh, I just found out that I'm technically still married. Something about me not signing the divorce papers even though I specifically remember signing them? And, before you ask, me and this girl served together, we were both twenty-one, going through rough patches and it was a Vegas wedding eight years ago. Lasted no more than twenty-four hours."

"It's really good that you told me this because any good lawyer would find that out when you file for guardianship. It's possible that she didn't co-sign the divorce papers. If that's the reason, I can help you draw up new divorce papers right now."

"Really? You'd help me with that?"

"Of course. A friend of Antonio's is a friend of mine," Stone said as he started typing on his computer. "So, what you can do is you can file for a no-fault divorce."

"You're gonna have to be specific, Stone. I know a bit of criminal law because I've had to testify in criminal cases, but like I said, I don't know family or civil law," Jay said.

"What a no-fault divorce is, Jay, is that you don't have to prove that either of you did anything wrong to get a divorce. All you have to do is state that your marriage is unsalvageable and continue filing for divorce."

"That's it? What if she doesn't sign it?"

"The divorce papers will be served to, uh...what's this girl's name again?" Stone asked.

"Abby."

"Abby. The divorce papers will be served to Abby and she has twenty days to file her response with the court. If she doesn't, then the court rules it as an uncontested divorce and then you're officially divorced."

"Me and Abby are meeting up to talk about all this tonight. But, can we just fill out paperwork for this no-fault divorce just in case things don't go as planned? I just really need to get guardianship of Y/N. The least amount of problems, the better."

"Of course. And if everything goes well with her tonight, then just give me a call and I'll shred the documents."

"Alright, just tell me where to sign."

***

"Wilson is running through the showers wearing nothing but a Kevlar vest, right?" Jay reminisced on the good parts of his Ranger days with Abby at a bar around 8:30 that night after his meeting with Peter Stone.

"Well, the lieutenant said, all outdoor activities to be conducted in body armor." Jay laughed at Abby's rendition of their lieutenant's voice. "Do you remember, he had his girlfriend's name tattooed on his ass?"

Jay set his empty drink down on the bar. "Did he tell you that was his girlfriend? That was his dog's name," Jay laughed.

"That actually makes more sense," Abby said. "I could go for another one of these."

"I, um, I shouldn't."

"Gotta get back to the barracks?"

"No, I uh gotta get back to my little sister, actually. I'm looking after her at the moment. It's a long story. Do you have the papers?"

"I, uh, I don't have them."

"Abby."

"It's just, I never told you. Even that crazy day we got married, I never told you that I loved you, Jay. It didn't feel right. But, I loved you, Jay. I do love you."

Jay sighed. "Abby, you deserve everything good. I'm just not the guy that's gonna give that to you." He brushed her hair to the side and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

After putting some money on the bar to pay for the drinks and tip the bartender, he left the bar. Guess he was going to need these no-fault divorce documents, anyway.

He was almost to his car when he heard someone calling his name. And, it was a voice he knew all too well.

"Erin?" he shouted as she came closer. "What are you doing here?"

"Would it kill you to turn on your phone? You need to get to the district. Now."

"What? Why? What's wrong?"

She got in his passenger seat. "Just drive. I'll explain on the way."

***

You were sitting on Jay's bed reading a book when you heard a knock on the door.

Slowly, you got off his bed and made your way out of his room. You took a knife out of the knife block, but you hoped you wouldn't need to use it. Jay would've told you if someone was planning on stopping over. And, if it was Will, he would've given you a heads-up.

The knocking got louder and more aggressive. "Jayson! Open this door! I have the right to see my daughter!"

Dad.

With the knife still in hand, you backed up and then, once on the carpet, ran back into Jay's room and quietly shut the door and locked it. You pulled out your phone and tried Jay. It went straight to voicemail. The pounding was getting louder. You tried Will. It went straight to voicemail because he was on shift. You thought you heard your dad starting to kick the door now instead of just pounding on it with his fists. You tried the last person you thought could help.

"Y/N?" Erin asked as she answered her phone and paused the tv show she was watching.

"Erin," you whispered. "I'm scared. I need help."

"You need help? Can you tell me why?"

"My dad, he's- he's here. He's looking for me." You heard a crash.

"Jay? Y/N? I know one of you is in here!"

"I- I think he just broke down the apartment door. Please help."

"Okay, okay, here's what you're going to do. I want you to hide somewhere and I'm going to call a patrol car over there right now. You're going to turn your phone on silent and I'm going to call you right back," she told you.

"Okay," you whispered as quietly as you could.

"I'll call you back in one minute tops."

You moved as quietly as you could with the knife and your phone still in your hands and opened Jay's closet door. You buried yourself behind the two garment bags that contained Jay's police blues and his military dress uniform, hoping against hope that your dad wouldn't find you.

Your phone lit up and it was Erin. You answered.

"Y/N, the officers will be there soon. I don't want you to talk. Just know that I'm on the phone with you."

At the same time, as she was talking to you over speakerphone, she was texting the team. She assumed you couldn't reach Jay or Will since you had called her. She told them what was happening and that a few of them needed to get to the district because they needed to find Jay's location. She also told Voight to get ahold of Sharon Goodwin so she could notify Will of what was currently happening.

"Chicago PD! Put your hands where we can see them!" you heard from your hiding place.

"See?" Erin said. "I told you that you'd be okay. I told them that you were hiding, so if someone opens the door, it's just an officer."

Just after she said that the closet door opened.

You squeaked.

"It's okay. You're safe," the officer said. "We're just going to take you down to the district. You're safe."

You peeked out from your hiding place and you saw the blues of the officers. You slowly made your way out and followed the officer out to the patrol car, the one that didn't house your dad for a breaking and entering charge at the moment.

***

"Where is she?" Jay yelled as he entered the district.

Platt just pointed to the bench next to one of the offices where you were sitting, staring at the floor, with a police jacket draped over your shoulders.

He sunk to his knees in front of you. "Are you hurt? Did Dad hurt you? Did he put his hands on you in any way?"

You shook your head.

"Oh thank God."

"I was so scared," you whispered. "When you and Will didn't answer, I thought he was gonna get me."

"I'm sorry. I turned off my phone when I talked to ASA Stone, and I forgot to turn it back on. I'm so sorry. C'mere."

You all but fell off the bench and into Jay's arms. "Is he going to jail? I don't want him going to jail."

"He was drunk out of his mind. I can ask not to press charges, though."

"Please. He needs help."

Although Jay didn't say it, he knew you were right. Jails and prisons didn't rehabilitate, they just taught criminals how to be better criminals. He knew that his dad needed rehab, a twelve-step program, anything.

"Okay, I won't press charges. But, I think we're gonna need to stay with Will for the night because our door's broken. What do you say we run home and grab some clothes to bring to Will's? And, since Dad will be here for a little longer, we can run to his house and get more of your stuff. Sound like a plan?"

"Can we get Dairy Queen on the way to Will's?"

"We sure can."

***

"I- I don't think any of these dresses will fit me anymore. They look way too big," you said to Jay as the two of you unpacked a bunch of your stuff in the guest room of Jay's new apartment. You wanted to think of it as the guest room for now instead of calling it your room just in case Jay wasn't awarded guardianship. You didn't want to get too attached.

Jay sighed. He figured you were right. He would see if Erin could take you, but their relationship was on the backburner right now. And, Erin had some stuff with Bunny she had to work out after she had brought her that pearl bracelet and said that she might be leaving Chicago. So, now wasn't really the right time for him to be bugging Erin about going shopping with you. And, he couldn't ask Kim because she was taking some furlough after finding her sister brutally sodomized after a night out.

He thought about asking Will if Nina could come, but he didn't think that those two were too happy with each other at the moment since Will hadn't told Nina about their dad being in the hospital and she had to find out from Natalie. Not Will's greatest moment.

He racked his brain for more women he knew.

Then it hit him: Gabby.

Yes, they had briefly dated, but that was five years ago. She was married now and his feelings for her were completely gone. They were civil with each other when they saw each other in the field and would chat when Gabby showed up at the district to pick up Eva or Diego.

"How about you try a few on after we finish unpacking, and then if none of them really fit, I can give Gabby a call and see if she'll take you shopping while I work on unpacking the rest of the house," Jay suggested.

"Okay. Will's gonna be over after his shift to help though, right?" you asked.

"He better be. He said he would. If he doesn't come, he better have a really good excuse."

"You can't unpack the kitchen without me," you told him.

"Why not?"

"I can't have you putting the glasses and other stuff on high shelves because I wanna reach them without having to climb on the counter."

"Okay, fine. I'll keep your short little height in mind while I unpack." He paused. "Do you want to get those fancy word stickers for your room for one of the walls?"

"Decals? And, it's not my room yet."

"Listen, after that stunt Dad pulled at my old apartment, Stone is 99.9% positive that I'll be granted guardianship. We just have to jump through all the hoops first."

"Like the home checks?"

"Like the home checks," he confirmed.

"What do I say in court?" you asked a few minutes later as you were putting the pillows on your freshly made bed.

"You just tell the truth," he answered.

"Will you be in there with me?"

"No, I won't. Stone said that usually in these cases you talk to the judge by yourself so that you can't be intimidated by either of the people who are fighting for custody or guardianship."

"So you won't be there? Will won't be there?"

"Will will be out in the hall and I will be in a different room. I'll be in like a witness room, where they make witnesses of a crime wait so that their testimony isn't swayed by what the other people are saying on the stand. But, me and Dad will be in the courtroom at the same time, just so I can see what he'll be saying."

"And, I'll be in there then, too?"

"Yes."

"What kind of questions do they ask me?"

"Stone said that since you're older, you get a say in who you stay with, so they'll ask you questions like who've you known the longest, who you feel safest with, who you want to live with, etc."

"Will they ask me questions about Dad? Like how he didn't give me food and how he broke into your apartment?" you asked.

"They will," Jay confirmed. "But, Stone will be in there for those questions just in case he needs to object to something."

"So the only time I'll be alone with the judge is when they're asking me the first few questions? Like who I feel safest with?"

"Exactly. Now, do you need help putting these books on the top shelf of your bookshelf?"

***

"Hey, how was your day?" Jay asked as he came home from work that afternoon. It was a shock that he was home by 5 pm, but you had a big day tomorrow. Not only was tomorrow Friday, it was the day you and Jay had to go to court to see if he would be awarded guardianship of you.

"We've got a problem," you stated.

"Um, I can try to help you with it, but let me go put my gun away first."

While he was doing that, you pulled out the slip of paper and the note that Gretchen Cunningham had written, saying that she wouldn't allow you to make up the test you would be missing because you had to go to court.

"Alright, what's the problem?" Jay asked as he walked into the kitchen.

"Cunningham. She's the problem...as always."

You handed him the papers and he read them over. "Yeah, this isn't going to fly. She doesn't need a judge's signature to allow you to take the test. I'll talk to the school tomorrow morning when I call to tell them you'll be absent."

"I hate her," you groaned. "She's so mean. And, I know what you're gonna say. You have to deal with people you don't like. But, she lost one of my assignments and told me I didn't turn it in and couldn't re-do it!"

"Well did you?" Jay asked. "Turn it in, I mean."

"Jay!"

He put his hands up in a sign of surrender. "I'm just saying, could be your fault."

"Yes, I turned in the stupid assignment. And, she paired me up with the stupidest kid in the class and told me to do well on this assignment because he needed a good grade to pass. It's not my fault he's failing! Don't put his grade on me, lady!"

"And she wouldn't let you re-do it?"

"Nope. But it's fine. I'm still getting an A. That might change if she doesn't let me take this test, though."

"It's like deja-vu from my freshman year all over again. Why doesn't she retire already? She's like 100."

"Or they could fire her," you quipped. "Or I could switch classes."

"I'll see what I can do. Who's the other history teacher?"

"Um, Miss Hedge."

"Hedge? As in Jayne Hedge?"

"Yeah, it's actually her. Why? Do you know her?"

"Yes he does," Will said as he entered Jay's apartment. "In fact, they went to freshman snowcoming together."

"How did you even get in here?" Jay asked, turning around to look at his older brother.

"For a cop, you're not that smart. You didn't lock the door behind you."

"I don't lock my door when I'm still awake. And, seriously? You just had to tell Y/N that, didn't you?"

"You guys can't just leave me hanging now. Tell me the story!"

"Fine," Jay grumbled and Will just laughed and sat down at the table, too. "I met her at school, obviously. She was on the freshman basketball team and I had winter weight training for the soccer team. I thought she was pretty and she was really smart, too. And, I knew that a bunch of the girls went to get Taco Bell after practice, so me and some of my friends decided to go, too."

"There used to be a Taco Bell close to school?" you asked. If there was, you'd never seen it before.

"It got torn down just after I graduated," Jay answered. "Anyway, we went to Taco Bell and I started talking to her and we talked a lot after practice. I'd walk her home sometimes. Then, I asked her to snowcoming and she said yes."

"So, why'd you guys break up? I know you dated Allie in high school."

"We realized we were better off as friends." Jay shrugged.

"And he realized he liked Allie more," Will added.

"Yeah, that too."

Will set a big bag of takeout on the table.

"Seriously?" Jay asked. "I thought we weren't going to do this that much anymore so we can get Y/N's vitamin and mineral levels stabilized."

"I'm sure she'd appreciate the break from your mundane meals," Will said. "And, I got us all side salads to go with the burgers instead of fries, so calm down." Jay gave him a look. "Fine, I got the side salads along with the fries. But, they're made out of potatoes, so they're technically a vegetable."

"For a doctor, you don't know much about nutrition, do you? And, my meals are not mundane."

"Dude, you'd have chicken, spaghetti, or grilled cheese every night."

"Not every night, just a lot of nights when I'd get home from the district late. I'll have you know me and Y/N have been making really good diners lately. Wanna tell Will what we made last night for dinner, Short Stack?"

"We made this really good pasta. We used Orzo, which looks like rice, but it's pasta. And we made a sauce out of tomatoes, onions, and orange juice. It was supposed to be lemon juice, but Jay didn't have any. We put chicken sausage in it for protein...and spices of course," you told Will.

"That actually sounds really good. Wow, Jay cooking every night, not something I expected."

"I like it," you said. "And, he lets me play whatever music I want when we cook."

Will rolled his eyes. You had Jay so wrapped around your finger that he'd do almost anything for you. Will didn't think he himself was that bad, but deep down, he knew he'd do anything for you, too...despite not being in Chicago as long as Jay had been.

***

"So I got a call from Stone this morning," Jay said around 11:30 that night when he and Will were sitting on the couch, each nursing a beer.

Will set his beer down on the coffee table in front of him. "And?"

"And, as of yesterday at midnight, I am officially divorced from Abby. Turns out, they served her the papers and, since she didn't sign them and it had been twenty days, it turned into an uncontested, no-fault divorce."

"Congrats, man. Might've been eight years too late, but you're a free man now."

"Amen to that. And it came at just the right time."

"Yeah," Will agreed. "You nervous for tomorrow?"

"Not really. More nervous for Y/N than anything. I've testified in criminal cases, so I kinda know how this goes, but she hasn't. And, before me and Dad go in to plead our cases, she has to talk to the judge all by herself. I just wish one of us could be in there with her."

Will nodded. "Know what they're going to ask you?"

"I know what Stone's going to ask me because we prepped, but I have no idea what Dad's lawyer is going to ask me. Pretty sure he's got just a public defender, though. Hopefully, that works in my favor."

"Not always, man," Will disagreed. "The public defenders who do these cases only do these cases. They've had a lot of practice."

"You really know how to make me feel better, thanks," Jay replied sarcastically.

"Rather have you hear it from me before the case than someone else after. Are you going to get cross-examined?"

"Probably. Don't know what they're going to ask me though because it's a cross. Stone set up some sample questions for me to answer with him to practice, but I'm going in blind. I'm used to it though because I've testified before. But, this feels like my biggest case."

"Because it probably is."

"Are you talking about tomorrow?" you asked as you quietly padded across the floor towards the living room.

"Y/N? What are you doing up? It's almost midnight," Jay pointed out.

"I- I know. But I couldn't sleep. I'm scared. What if I have to go back to Dad's? What if they find neither of you fit and I have to go into foster care?"

Jay patted the empty spot on the couch next to him and you sat down. "We just have to trust the system. That's all we can do."

"I know, but I can't sleep. And I'm so tired."

"I have an idea," Jay started and stood up, "stay here."

"I'm gonna go look for some melatonin," Will said after a few minutes of you two just sitting in silence. "I think Jay still has some for nights that he can't sleep."

Will was still rummaging around Jay's cabinets when Jay came back with a big black box with some cords and a cardboard box balanced against his hip.

"The hell is that?" You quickly covered your mouth when you realized you had sworn. "Sorry."

"It's okay. And, to answer your question, this is VCR. And, I have a bunch of videotapes in this box." He turned from you to face the kitchen, where Will was still opening and closing cabinets. "Will? What are you doing?"

"Looking for melatonin for Y/N. You got any?"

"First of all, it's so late that if you give it to her now, she'll sleep through her alarm and we can't be late for court tomorrow. And, second of all, I keep it in the medicine cabinet in my bathroom."

Will closed the cabinet and made his way back to the couch to sit next to you as Jay started to hook up the VCR to the tv. "Uh, Jay," Will began, "you know it's a little late for a movie right? And, I should get going in like half an hour?"

"We're not watching a movie. I recorded a bunch of the Blackhawks playoff games on one of these and I thought Y/N'd like to watch the 2010 Stanely Cup final series against the Flyers. Or, we could watch the final series against the Bruins when they won the cup last year."

"Let's watch the 2010 one," you said. "I don't think I watched it because I wasn't into watching hockey as much as I am now."

"And you have Jay to thank for that," Will pointed out.

"You can record things on there? Like an old-school DVR?" you asked.

"God, now I feel old," Will groaned. "Wait until she learns about floppy disks."

"Floppy what now?"

"Nevermind. Only 80s-90s kids would get it."

"We get it. You guys are millennials."

"Got it!" Jay exclaimed as he popped the videotape into the VCR and it started playing. "Now, shut up so we can relive this, Will."

You fell asleep before you even reached the end of the first period.

***

You rubbed your eyes and then looked around you to notice that you were still on the couch. You craned your neck to see the time on the oven on the other side of the open concept kitchen and living room and saw that it was 5:45 am. Jay was at the gym now. And, you knew you wouldn't be able to fall back asleep because you were already starting to worry about the rest of the day. You had to be in court at 8:30 and had to be talking to a judge at 9:00, the judge that would determine who you would be living with, which would inevitably determine your future.

God, you were thinking just like the teachers talked about the SATs, how if you didn't get a good grade on that standardized test that your future would be ruined.

You stood up and stretched and then went back to your room to grab the book you were currently reading. Then, you turned on a few lamps and grabbed a yogurt and fruit from the fridge, along with a glass of orange juice. After wrapping yourself in a blanket, you started to eat and read, hoping that that would keep your mind from wandering and worrying at least until Jay got back from the gym.

Half an hour later, Jay unlocked the apartment door and walked inside, confused as to why you were awake. It was only 6:15 and he had told you just to be up by 6:45.

"What are you doing awake, Short Stack?" he asked as he grabbed a banana from the bowl on the counter.

"I woke up at about 5:45 and I couldn't fall asleep. I'm sorry."

"Nothing to worry about. I just want you as well-rested for today as possible. You have your dress all ready? Know what shoes you're going to wear?"

"Jay," you whined. "I picked all of that out last night because you told me to."

"Just didn't want you to have to rush. I can turn the game back on for you so you can watch it until you have to start getting ready?"

You nodded and Jay came over and fiddled with the tv and the remote, going back to the middle of the first period where he thought you had fallen asleep.

"Okay, I'm gonna take a shower. Will said he'll be here around 7:45. Oh, and you can take that history test when you get back on Monday, in Miss Hedge's class."

You smiled. "Okay." Then, you turned your attention back to the hockey game.

***

You widened your eyes as you stood in the second bathroom getting ready. You had gotten dressed (into a navy blue, lacey dress that ended just above the knee that you had bought with Gabby a few days ago), washed your face, brushed your teeth, did your makeup, but now you were cursing yourself for being so stupid. You had no way of doing your hair. You didn't have a straightener here. And, your typical ponytail or bun wasn't going to cut it for court.

"Jay!" you yelled as you exited the bathroom and knocked on his bedroom door.

He opened it as he was tying his tie. "Yeah? Everything okay?"

"I don't have a straightener! I can't do my hair and if I wear my hair like I usually do then it will look bad on you and--"

"Hey, hey, calm down. We've still got over 45 minutes before we have to leave. I'll give Gabby a call and see if she's not on shift and can let you borrow hers."

You sighed the biggest sigh of relief. "Thank you."

Five minutes later, Jay knocked on the bathroom door as you were brushing your hair. "Gabby will be here in ten."

"Oh thank God."

***

"Thank you!" you exclaimed ten minutes later as you opened the door, revealing Gabby with her hair straightener. And, behind her, was Casey.

"No problem. Just tell me if you're not used to it and need help."

You took it from her. "No, I should be good. Thanks, though. C'mon in. I'm pretty sure Jay's around here somewhere."

They came into the apartment while you ran off to find Jay.

You knocked on his bedroom once more and he opened it, this time completely ready for the day. "Gabby and Casey are here," you told him.

"Casey's here?" he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Yeah. I think he just came with Gabby."

"Okay. Go fix your hair. I'll go talk to them."

Twenty minutes later, you were finished and slipping your shoes on when you heard a knock on the apartment door. "I got it, Y/N!" Jay yelled.

Well, I hoped you would because you're closer to the door than me, you thought to yourself.

Jay opened the door, and since it was exactly 7:45, he was expecting to just see Will. But, what he saw both shocked him and made him want to cry from appreciation at the same time.

Standing next to Will was Natalie and behind them was all of Intelligence and Trudy Platt and Mouch, all of Squad 3 and Truck 81 (minus Casey because he was inside), Sylvie Brett, Chief Boden, April, Maggie, Dr. Rhodes, Dr. Charles, Reese, and Noah.

"You're all here for the court case?" Jay asked, stunned.

"Well, Natalie has to testify about Y/N's deficiencies and weight loss, but yeah. It's better if the court sees that the person trying to get guardianship has a ton of support. So, I figured I'd call in reinforcements...even though I'm pretty sure my big personality is enough."

Jay rolled his eyes. "Your big ego maybe." He paused, not knowing how he was going to fit everyone in his apartment even if it was bigger than his last one. "However many of you guys can fit inside, can come in. Um, some of you might just need to meet us at the courthouse--"

"Jay, they just came now so you could see how many people were behind you. They're just gonna meet you there. Except for me. I'm driving you two." Jay furrowed his eyebrows. They didn't talk about this. "I'll explain later."

"Gabby," you said as you walked out of the bathroom. "Can you--" you stopped as you saw everyone outside Jay's apartment.

"They're all here for you and Jay," Gabby explained as she stood up. "And, you can't cry because it'll smear your makeup, so hold back the tears."

You nodded as you held them back. "Can you, uh, check the back of my hair to make sure I got it all straight?" you asked.

"Two spots are still a bit wavy. Let's go fix it so you can get going."

A few minutes later, Gabby had fixed your hair and everyone besides Will and Jay had left and were on their way to the courthouse. You slipped on a pair of black ballet flats and your coat.

Will had explained that the reason he was driving was that if Jay didn't get guardianship, he didn't want him driving in such a distressed state. Will had worked on so many patients who were in car accidents due to their emotional state and he didn't want Jay to be one of them.

"Ready?" Jay asked you.

"As ready as I'll ever be," you said as you wiped your sweaty palms on your dress.

"All you have to do is tell the truth."

***

You thought you'd be comfortable inside a courtroom because of the crime dramas you'd seen. But, standing inside one was very different from watching a fictional tv show.

No one but you, the judge, the court reporter, Peter Stone, and your dad's lawyer could be in the room for this next part, so everyone was either in a witness room or waiting outside in the hallway for the go-ahead to be let in. You would be allowed to be in the courtroom while they were talking to Jay and your dad, but they wouldn't be able to be in the room when you talked to the judge...for obvious reasons, such as influencing what you would say.

"All rise."

You stood up next to Stone as the judge, who you now knew as Judge Callahan, entered the room.

Once you sat down, you were called to the stand. "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?" you were asked as you placed your hand on the Bible.

"I do," you answered.

"Alright, please allow Miss Halstead on the witness stand," Judge Callahan said. "Now, I'm just going to ask you a few questions. All you have to do is answer them. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I understand."

"Okay, first question: Has your father, Pat Halstead, ever hit you or physically abused you in any way?"

"No," you answered.

"Has he ever neglected to give you necessities, such as food, water, clothing, or shelter?"

"Yes."

"Can you please elaborate?"

You did. You explained how your dad never had food in the house and would yell at you and call you a burden if you tried to eat his leftovers.

"Is it true that your father tried to break into your brother's house to get you?" Judge Callahan asked.

"Yes."

"Who do you feel safest with?"

"My brother, Jay Halstead."

"Who would you prefer to live with?"

"Jay Halstead."

***

Jay sat on the witness stand. He had answered all of Stone's questions, including all of the questions about him finding you stealing, what you had been using for pads, and what he had been told that you had been eating at your dad's house. Natalie had testified about your physical well-being, weight loss, and iron and riboflavin deficiencies. But now, it was time for Jay's cross-examination. And, he sure as hell didn't expect this next question to be asked.

"Mr. Halstead," your dad's lawyer began, "you previously said, and I quote, that your dad clocked out on parenting you and your older brother, Will, when you were in your teens, around when you started high school. Can you elaborate on that?"

"Objection!" Stone yelled. "Relevance?"

"Speaks to a pattern."

"I'll allow it," Judge Callahan said. "Please answer the question, Mr. Halstead."

Jay nodded. "He clocked out on parenting me and Will because he said that were essentially grown men at this point in our lives, we didn't need him cheering us on or him helping us. He didn't come to a single one of my soccer games in high school. And, if by some miracle we went out for ice cream or something just me, my brother, and my dad, he wouldn't pay for ours. Said we were old enough to pay for ourselves.

"But, we had our mom. She came to all our games and school events. She made us breakfast, lunch, and dinner. If she wasn't there, I don't know what would've happened to me and Will. My dad didn't even want me to go into the military and didn't want Will to go to medical school. He said a real man went right to work. The only time I felt loved by him in all my teenage years was when I left for the military. It was like because he knew I might die over there that he figured he'd say he loved me one last time."

"Redirect, your honor," Stone said. Judge Callahan nodded at Stone. "You said that your mom made you and your brother lunch. Are you doing that for Y/N?"

"Objection! Relevance?"

"Speaks to Mr. Halstead's abilities as a parent."

"I'll allow it. Please answer the question."

"I actually do," Jay answered. "I make her a packed lunch to bring to school every day and I'm sure to add foods high in iron and riboflavin to help those levels stabilize quicker. The first time I packed her a lunch, she actually cried because she hadn't gotten a lunch from home in so long."

"Thank you."

"Mr. Halstead," your dad's lawyer started, "you were previously deployed overseas in Afghanistan for two tours of duty. While I thank you for your service, is it possible that you could have PTSD and hurt Y/N in the middle of the night?"

"I would never hurt her!"

"While you are fully conscious, maybe. But, while you are in a sleep-addled state, isn't it possible that you might think that the person waking you up is an enemy soldier and not your little sister?"

Jay sighed. No one knew this about him, not you, not Will, not his dad. No one. And now all of his family and closest friends were going to know since they were in the courtroom watching this entire thing unfold.

"I am on Prazosin for nightmares caused by my PTSD," Jay answered.

"And how long have you been on this medication?"

"For about two years."

"And this has helped you manage your nightmares?"

"Yes, very much so."

"No further questions."

***

"Jesus, Jay," Will said after you had watched your dad's testimony on why he should get to keep you. It was the usual: how he was your father, so, therefore, he deserved to keep taking care of you and it's what your mother would've wanted...despite her telling Jay to keep you safe before she died. They already had the responding officers testify about the break-in, so he couldn't deny that and he was under oath, so if anyone found out he lied, then your dad would be held in contempt.

"I'm sorry I never told you, man," Jay said. "I just, I thought of it as weak that I couldn't deal with my own shit." He grimaced when he realized he had sworn around you. "Sorry, Y/N."

"It's okay. I hear that stuff at school."

"I'm just upset you didn't tell me they were getting that bad, Jay," Will lamented. "I know I wasn't there for you a lot after Mom died, but I'm here now."

Jay nodded, and Will knew he didn't want to talk about the topic anymore. You looked through the little window into the courtroom and saw that the judge was coming back from her chambers.

"Guys, I think she's made a decision," you said nervously.

"Whatever happens, me and Jay will be there for you," Will promised.

All you could do at this point was nod, as a lump was forming in your throat from all your nerves.

Jay led you back into the courtroom and you sat at the front, between Jay and Will. You wiped your sweaty palms on your dress and Jay gave your shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

Judge Callahan stood up.

"By using the child's best interest standard of who can provide food, clothing, housing, education, medical care, and a stable home life for Y/N Halstead, I declare Mr. Jay Halstead the legal guardian of Y/N Halstead."

You could've sworn that you stopped breathing the second she said Jay's first name. You were so overwhelmed that you just turned to him and started crying as he wrapped an arm around you while he listened to the judge state your dad's visitation rights.

But, you didn't hear any of that. The only phrase that kept repeating in your head was I declare Mr. Jay Halstead the legal guardian of Y/N Halstead over and over again.

Now, you knew that you'd always have the necessities when you lived with Jay. You wouldn't have to worry about where your next meal was going to come from or if your dad would be out until 3 am drinking. You wouldn't have to worry about having access to tampons or pads and not be embarrassed anymore to ask for some from school if you forgot to put any in your backpack that day. But most of all, you knew that you would be loved and cared for.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! Did I make anyone cry with this one??? The blood draw scenario was actually based on when I had to go and get my blood drawn the other day and thought I was going to pass out, which is why that scene was so long. Anyway, thank you again for reading, and please reblog/like and comment and tell me what you think! As always, if you want to be added to my taglist, just tell me and I’ll add you!

taglist: @theambracer88 @virtualreader @kelelas-life @celyndavies @brookerz122493 @musicismyescape27 @anotherfan07 @thexplosivegirl @dreamingwithlens @xoxmariaxox @onechicago18 @iamasimpingh0e

[bakugohoex]

Can I request Bakugo’s s/o having a major sweet tooth, like for some reason every time he thinks he got rid of her candy he just finds a handful in her pocket

“you bought more, didn’t you”

pairing: katsuki bakugo x female reader

cw: fluff, language

word count: 1100+

a/n: i dont even know what this is, it is so stupidly funny because it doesnt even make sense, like what the fuck, bruh but i know we all had a faze where toast would just become amazing and avidly eat it 24/7

summary:  in which your sweet tooth becomes the bane of bakugo’s life, finding out you house even more sweets in your pockets, his only way to finally get you stop seems to be a bit more different than his initial plan

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Lollipops were definitely your go to sweets, you loved sucking on them and the different flavours you had each day brought joy to your mouth. It was easier to suck on them then bite your nails when you became anxious, so you always kept a lollypop with you.

Of course you told Bakugo about it, your reasonings being evident and he had been fine with it, not really caring and as long as you had something to help your anxiety then he was fine with it.

That’s what he thought it had been, until he found the wrappers, the containers filled with different sweets, from the sour worms to the gumdrops. 

He seriously could feel his heart ache at the mountains of containers you had, he seriously had to take a double take thinking he’d walked into Charlie and the Chocolate factory.

Surprisingly, there was no chocolate, but the sweets littered your new dorm, your bin filled with wrappers. 

That's when he knew he had to sort this problem out, he couldn't watch you eat anymore knowing how much you had already eaten. 

He got scary not gonna lie, shouting at the side effects off excessive sugar, made a presentation of just rotting teeth, he made you watch the whole thing with his stupid laser pen as he went around the rotted teeth.

It was gross as fuck, very traumatic.

He helped you a lot to cut down on the sugar with your sweets, wanting you to try and get down to one lollypop a day and that was it. 

He tried, but you’d end up buying some more, hell knows where you got the money from.

Threatens you but in the end, it gets to you after he finds the wrappers again and confesses how he just wants the best for you.

You ask for a substitute and this man brings you the worst substitute ever. 

It’s when he leaves something that it seems your excessive sugar intake may have finally gone down.

Bakugo had been left waiting outside your dorm as you wore your UA uniform, he never understood how you could wake up so late. But he didn’t question it seeing you walk out happily, your mouth sucking a sweet to calm you down. You had described it like marijuana but without the consequences of it, which he glared at you for saying. Even then your avid sweet tooth had become an insane problem, you may have cut down on the sweets, but you always seemed to get your hands on some. 

“Want to try?” You popped the lollypop out from your mouth, your saliva sticking to the purple sweet. Bakugo would regret agreeing knowing having a sugar rush in the morning was not the best bet but if it stopped you from eating it all he’d take it. 

He nodded, watching as you put the sweet in his mouth, the white stick being the only thing visible as he sucked on the grape flavouring, still being able to taste your spit mixed in with it. 

Walking into class hand in hand, he kept the lollypop in his mouth watching you leave without a trace of sweets on you. You seemed calmer as he watched you sit beside him, well that's until he saw your stuffed pockets. Aizawa had been running late and everybody began conversing with each other, “you bought more, didn’t you.” He mutters stuffing his hand in your grey blazer to find small hard sweets inside the pocket. “Y/n, really, even after my presentation.”

“I just love them so much.” You pouted grabbing them and stuffing them in your pocket. 

“Fuck Y/n, please can you calm down with your sugar intake, I don’t want you to die or get rotten teeth.” He threw the lollypop into the bin, just missing Mineta who had bent over to sharpen his pencil. “I want you to be healthy.”

“I am healthy, I just love it so much.” 

He gave a glare turning to face you properly, you put your head to side watching his cold red eyes warm at your features. “Just find something else to help you instead, you can't live off sweet things forever.”

“You find me something else and then I'll give it up.” You muttered, popping a hard candy in your mouth just as Aizawa walked in. 

Bakugo thought for a while, throughout the whole day event, thinking of foods he knew you liked. Of course having a sweet tooth wasn't a bad thing but you needed a balance to not have type 2 diabetes when you grow old. He continued to think until he found the basic things on google as replacements, by the end of the day, he had sought out what was needed and called you into the kitchen. 

“Fruit.” He pushed the bananas and apples into your arms, you gave a confused look taking an apple and biting into it. “I read it’s good or whatever.”

“You read?” You mock.

He glares back at you, “shut up, idiot.” He grabs your hand with the bitten apple and stuffs it back into your face. “Eat it all.”

He seemed content with what he had done, pushing the 3 apples and 2 bananas onto you, not even letting you get a word in. He goes to put some bread in the toaster, hungry after a long day and keeping an eye on your fruits, watching as you just stared at it as if it was some unknown thing. 

“Oi Bakugo, help move this.” Kirishima shouts from the common area.

Bakugo gives a scowl before staring at you, “eat.” You mutter profanity before taking another bite, watching as the man leaves for Kirishima. The sound of the toaster finally letting the toast out, even the smell of toast almost became intoxicating, how could you not refuse.

Going over to the two toasts you butter them and that's when it starts, toasting more as you went through the two toast with such ease. It seemed like hours since Bakugo left and with that you had already eaten 5 toasts going onto the sixth. 

“What the fuck?” Bakugo stares at the toast in your hand and the missing six slices, staring between you and the toaster. You take another bite, and he continues to give such a blank look, “fruit?”

“Toast?” You question back taking another bite, Bakugo comes up to you grabbing one of the fruits after you'd eaten all the bread and gives a glare. “I like bread now. 

“Of course you do baby.” He mutters ruffling your head as you continue to chew on the toast happily. He might hate how you’d gotten onto another food craving but at least you had variety and weren't going to die of a heart attack from it all. “You really are an idiot.”

“Shut up, want some?” You spoke like a child with only one bite left he opened his mouth, watching as you put the buttered toast in his mouth, your fingers graving against his lips as he was to just lick the butter off your fingers, a satisfied face that he had finally gotten to you.

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[leerongrong]

❥ 𝐍𝐂𝐓 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 – sending them the wrong text

⌜ mark ⌟

mark watches from the corner of his eye as you tap at the screen of your phone, a shy smile present on your face. he's waving his hand side to side, trying to get your attention, only to pout when he fails to. he perks up the moment his phone dings, opening it to see multiple messages from you.

[11:45] you sent a message.

i think the sun's starting to get to me

[11:45] you sent a message.

the more i look at him the more he shines

[11:46] you sent a message.

nvm that I CANT TAKE MY EYES OFF OF HIM

[11:46] you sent a message.

did you see him smile when he saw watermelon? the smile he had while eating them :((

[11:46] you sent a message.

and not to be nsfw but the more i look at him,,, the hotter he looks??? is that even possible????

[11:46] you sent a message.

he was so small so cute when we first met in 5th grade

[11:47] you sent a message.

fuck i think im in love with him i think im in love with mark

[11:48] you sent a message.

i think im in love with my bestfriend

he started off confused, eyes flitting from the first of your texts, slowly dragging themselves to the end. his small pout slowly turns into a smile, to a full blown grin when they finally reach the last of them, when they finally reach his name.

"holy." mark started off with mumbles, his head turning from you to his phone so fast he might get whiplash. "she- she's in love with me.." the farther he gets through his sentence, the louder he becomes, catching not only peoples attention, but also yours. "she's freaking in love with me!"

your furrowed eyebrows is the first thing he sees, running across the pool and straight to you, barreling into you and accidentally sending the both of you into the water. you're both spluttering when you break through the water's surface, your face an expression of disbelief while his is of pure joy.

he doesn't regret pulling you down with him, sealing your lips in an underwater kiss that tastes of watermelon and grape ice cream.

⌜ renjun ⌟

the soft glow of your phone disturbs renjun. the only source of light in the otherwise dark theater room, playing the movie you begged him to watch with you. he's rolling his eyes in annoyance, still gripping the half finished popcorn, hands coming back and forth from his mouth towards the salty snack.

soon after, the soft tapping of your fingers against the screen takes his interest off the movie. renjun's eyes sneak a peak, slightly leaning his body against his head rest so he could take a better look at what has your full interest.

[19:06] you sent a message.

leee jenooo

[19:07] you sent a message.

as cheesy as it sounds,,, the movie's right in front of me but the one view i want to see is him

[19:07] you sent a message.

i know its stupid to say but i just feel...happy whenever im around him

[19:07] you sent a message.

it doesnt matter where we are it freaking doesnt matter what we're doing and it FREAKING DOESNT MATTER WHO'S THERE WITH US

[19:08] you sent a message.

all i know is that when im with him im happy

[19:08] you sent a message.

it doesnt matter if it's all gray and blue hes the splash of color and thats all i need..

[19:09] you sent a message.

im all soft for him like this,, i just wish i could tell him 🙃

the slight ringing in his ears should worry him, along with the excessive warmth that's suddenly spreading through his body, face, and ears. the slight twitch of his fingers should too, as if his body is reacting in a way only you can make him, as if it's finally accepting the pull.

the clearing of his throat startles you, making you instinctively hide your phone in the corner of your seat. your eyes zoom in on his reddening face, leaning in closer to make sure, amidst all the darkness. "renjun? what's wrong?" pressing the palm of your hand to his burning forehead. "do you have a fever? junnie, you should've told me."

renjun's still stubbornly looking at the screen, taking a deep breath and doing a countdown before he takes your hand in his, intertwining the two as your eyebrows furrow.

he starts leaning in, coming closer and closer to your face that it makes you lean back in your seat, trying to look away from his face. "i think this isn't a good date," he whispers, "how about we go on an official one tomorrow?"

the wide cinema screen is the audience to the scene renjun puts on, leaving a peck at the edge of your lips as shy smile spreads on his.

⌜ jeno ⌟

[09:08] you sent a message.

i love it when jeno smiles

[09:08] you sent a message.

i mean :: have you seen his smile? those pretty cresent moon eye smiles that's just so freaking cute it makes me want to kiss him all over

[09:09] you sent a message.

and not be weird or anything,,, but his height is perfect. imagine running into his arms and just being all warm because we all know jeno gives the best hugs 😫

[09:09] you sent a message.

is it weird to think about hugging and snuggling with your best friend? to think about how pretty his smile is and how you want to kiss away his cute pout?

[09:10] you sent a message.

yes? no? mark, i think i'm in too deep here..

the minute jeno reads your texts, he's out the door. he doesn't care about the thunderstorm going on outside, he doesn't listen to his member's shouts about bringing an umbrella. all that's running around his mind is you. all he can think about is how he desperately wants to hug you in his arms, so tightly he knows you're going to start to whine. all he wants to do is to kiss you. after 5 years of pinning over you, he finally has the chance to.

he's met with water the moment he runs out in the rain, not caring about the thunder and wind that's pelting down his body. he's soaking wet when he reaches your front door, drenched in water as he knocks and is met with your cutely confused face.

"lee jeno!" your eyes are as wide as saucers, quickly starting to tug him inside when you see his condition. "what are you doing you idiot?! you could get sick!"

he doesn't give you much time to talk (or to start hitting him for being stupid) when he puts his hands on your cheeks and pulls you into a kiss, the atmosphere reminding him of two lovers running through the rain to see each other in movies.

the cold and fever he gets the next day is worth it, especially with your cuddles and chicken soup to get him through the day.

⌜ haechan ⌟

[07:10] you sent a message.

i may be in love with donghyuck

[07:11] you sent a message.

i think he's just the most sweetest, funniest, dorkiest guy with the most perfect smile and laugh

[07:11] you sent a message.

the one who brights up my day (ironically), my full sun

[07:12] you sent a message.

but love is such a fickle thing <3

he wouldn't notice at first, too busy goofing off with chenle and mark, until jeno points out his phone buzzing and lighting up with notifications. the biggest smile would light up his face, so bright and wide, and he just freezes in his place, not even moving or looking away from his phone that it makes the others worry.

starts jumping and squealing, shoving his phone into the other's faces to show off your text when he finally breaks out of his stupor, heart beating so fast renjun tries to make him take deep breaths before he passes out.

doesn't care when his members tell him to carry out with caution, that it could be one of your usual pranks. all he can see is you and him, going on dates and cuddling. after all, it isn't every day your bestfriend (whom you have feelings towards) since diapers confesses.

[07:44] haechan sent a message.

so you have a crush on me😏

[07:44] haechan sent a message.

i'm not surprised, i AM a natural charmer

[07:45] you sent a message.

WHAT

[07:45] you sent a message.

HOW THOU FRICK

[07:46] you sent a message.

wrong message wrong person sorry haha

[07:47] haechan sent a message.

"i am in love with donghyuck."

[07:47] haechan sent a message.

"sweetest, funniest, dorkiest guy with the most perfect smile."

[07:49] you sent a message.

i MAY be in love. MAY. not AM you narcissistic freak

[07:50] haechan sent a message.

i MAY be in love with you too

ends up taking you to the carnival for your first date, winning you stuffed animals and dragging you on rollercoaster after rollercoaster (definitely not because he likes the way you wrap around him whenever you get scared), finishes the day with a photobooth and a kiss on the ferris wheel.

⌜ jaemin ⌟

the coffee shop is relatively bustling, people going in and out the moment they receive their orders, or stay inside to enjoy their cup of coffee. you and jaemin being the latter, both your perspective orders on the brown wooden desk, along side your thick biology books.

your book has been untouched for the last hour, notes and highlighters thrown onto it as you tap at your phone, eyes flitting from the screen to jaemin's face every few moments.

[07:22] you sent a message.

we're currently studying biology

[07:23] you sent a message.

oh welp im lying,, he's learning biology and i'm relearning all my favorite things about him

[07:23] you sent a message.

that was so cheesy- ive been spending way too much time with nana 🤧

[07:23] you sent a message.

he's mumbling something about adjectives to explain biology

[07:24] you sent a message.

the one three adjectives i can explain is him

[07:24] you sent a message.

focused, motivated, oh and most definitely cute

you don't seem to notice jaemin's eyes on you, a coy smile on his lips as he checks his nonstop buzzing phone, slightly giggling at how you seem to not notice you've sent your texts to the wrong person.

"if I had to choose between DNA and RNA, i’d choose RNA because it has u in it.” his sudden voice startles you, making you yelp and raise your head to look at him in bewilderment. "we fit together like the sticky ends of recombinant DNA.”

"excuse me, na jaemin." throwing a raised eyebrow at him along with a sarcastic chuckle. "but i don't understand smart talk."

"you must be a red blood cell because you take the oxygen away from my lungs straight to my heart.” the coy smile he sends you doesn't solve anything, and it takes you moments until you finally start to catch on to his quips.

"DNA spelled backward is AND, as in… me AND you"

jaemin's blinking, breaking into a laugh that shakes the table just enough to spill some of his coffee onto his notes. an excited grin breaks out on your face, butterflies flying in your tummy as his eyes glaze over with a sudden emotion.

"my sudden protracted cardiac arrhythmia tells me i love you."

⌜ chenle ⌟

5 minutes to his last buzzer and chenle's looking for you in the bleachers. his eyes are searching through the crowds of people, trying to find you in his signature red and white jersey, only to pout and huff when all he sees is unknown people waving at him, perking up seconds later when his phone vibrates.

[15:30] you sent a message.

look at him down there!

[15:30] you sent a message.

he looks like a freaking super star

[15:30] you sent a message.

hes THE ace,,, hes MY ace ohmygod :((

[15:31] you sent a message.

i just want him to know that whatever happens hes a winner in my heart yaknow??? not as if hes gonna lose i mean my chenle is the best one out there!!!!

[15:32] you sent a message.

pray for me bcs if he does win im gonna give him a big fat smooch :)

the coach calls for him before he has time to process your message, casually dragging him to play for his last round. his eyes are flitting from the score board, with a big red 60 vs 60 displayed, to the hoards of people. his eyes land on your for a second, the moment enough for you to send him a victory smile and thumbs up.

it's only in the last seconds when he scores the winning goal for his team does he celebrate, running away from the sports ground and leaving his confused team behind as he purposely looks for you. it's when you crash into his arms does he lift you into them, pressing a disorienting kiss onto your lips, with his teams roaring cheers as the background.

"i'm your chenle, i'm your ace!" it takes a minute for you to process his words, clicking two and two together before your jaw goes slack and an embarrased groan escapes from your lips. chenle grins when you bury your face in his chest, shaking you in his arms with all his added excitement. "can i have another kiss?" he peeps down to take a look at you, sending a bashful smile.

⌜ jisung ⌟

"park jisung this isn't funny!" you're sprinting down the stairs, a fair distance away from jisung who's already reached your kitchen, running for his life with your phone in his hand. "give me my phone back! jisung, i swear to god!"

the big laugh that erupts from jisung only gets to you even more, trying to run even faster after your neighbor whom you have had a crush for since childhood. all the while jisung is having the time of his life, running to your living room and cramping his lanky body into the first place he thinks of hiding, wedged between two sofas.

jisung's putting in your password, his birthday, and he's opening the message you've just received from renjun, reading your most recent chat with the chinese boy.

[14:09] you sent a message.

i dont know jun...

[14:09] you sent a message.

what if me confessing only makes us awkward?

[14:10] you sent a message.

i dont care if he rejects me, its jisung we're talking about here! he wouldn't hurt a fly! i dont think he'd break my heart that much..

[14:10] you sent a message.

i dont want 10 years of our friendship to go down the pipe just because of some stupid crush i have towards him

[14:11] you sent a message.

what am i going to do jun?

it takes jisung a moment to read between your texts and another minute to process that the boy you have a crush on, is in fact, him. the more he thinks about it, the more jisung regrets being a slow poke because the moment he finished, you're bounding in between the sofas and taking your phone from him.

there's a moment of silence, of you staring at the phone now in your hand and of jisung staring at his feet, shuffling and pouting his lips.

"jisung, i like you."

"i would never break your heart."

it's the day you became both jisung's bestfriend and lover, with him taking you on a date to the park later in the afternoon.

[scary-lasagna]

Trust || Part VI

"  Finally meeting the eyes of your soon-to-be murderer, you realized he was crying again. Fuck him, he deserves to cry, wail, scream, after what he's done to you.

You can't rip a flower out of the ground and expect it to grow in acid.

With a final reassuring squeeze, Hoodie let go."

Yandere!Hoodie/Brian x Reader

* * *

A month later and things haven't gotten any better than when you first arrived. Hoodie just keeps growing more violent and possessive my the minute. You really don't know how much longer you'll survive here from either dying from Hoodie's leather-gloved hand or by your own.

Hoodie leaves on most nights, which would be delightful in planning a route of escape. But it's hard to do so when you're locked in the windowless bedroom.

All you're left to do for the night is look at your picture of your previous life, contemplate your situation, plan his murder, and scan over a few books Hoodie found for you.

This could all change if you only said, "I love you." To him.

Which you weren't, but you were thankful to know that's an option in case you were nearing death by his hand.

It was late night, and thunder rumbled over the depths of the cellar. It must be going to rain soon. Hoodie was still gone, he didn't know when he'd be back. But you know he'll get caught in the rain if he doesn't get home before morning.

And you'll be charged with the task of drying his hair.

You rolled your eyes, tossing the magazine down and pushing yourself off of the bed. Hoodie got you a more qualified mattress to sleep on, along with a bedspread and blankets that kept the damp air off of you. But sometimes you just needed an open window or a fan.

Neither of which Hoodie has provided. A window means a chance of escape, not that he could just give you one anyways, it was a brick-lined basement. And a fan deems a possible weapon to hit him over the head with.

Oh, how you longed to do that. Even if he killed you, it would be so satisfying to watch him stumble with a yelp, clutching the back of his dirty blonde locks.

You shuffled around your room, sifting through drawers and pulling out wrapped clothing. You've been working on making a shank out of a shard of tile you found in the kitchen, and literally anything else you could find. You've only got a rubber band and a few pieces of tape to hold the fabric around the ceramic. It's not much, but it's your only form of protection.

But your plan to craft was cut short by the cellar door rattling. You stuffed the tile inside a few socks before shoving the drawer closed.

"Hoodie?" You called out, pushing yourself off of the ground to stand in front of your door. 

"What? You hungry? You're supposed to be sleeping." Footsteps gradually made their way towards the other side of the door, followed by a series of mechanical clicks.

"I'm not tired." You looked up at the mask when the door open, which you cautiously took off. He was sweaty, and very gross in general. "Can't you find a new mask that doesn't suffocate your pores?"

"Yeah, but I like this one though." He gently took it out of our grasp, using the same sense of caution as you used with him. 

Hoodie couldn't hold it in anymore. Everytime he left, he was never guaranteed in seeing your face when he returned. You were smart, too smart. You were bound to find the key he hidden in one of the loose bricks of your room. Just in case one day he doesn't return. He wouldn't want you to be left here and starved, even if the masked man did know about the situation.

He struggled to hold back to tears prickling his bottom lid, and he pulled you towards him into the colder hallway. But your skin was soothed by his warm chest.

"I'm so sorry for what I've done. You know I'd never want to hurt you." His muscles twitched along your back when he squeezed tighter. 

You couldn't do anything but hug back, running your hand up and down the rough fabric of his hoodie. Even without the view of his face, his jerking chest was proof enough that he was holding back sobs and tears. "Prove it, then." You weren't even sure if he heard your voice through the muffle of his clothes. 

"How can I prove my love to you?" He separates your bodies, but kept his large hands on your waist. Tear streaks were travelling down his dirty cheeks.

"Free me." You stared up at him, clutching his forearms. "Please, Hoodie."

He glanced back at the entrance, and for a moment, you had a spark of hope.

"Not now, darling. I'm sorry, really I am." His tone sounded sincere enough, and his eyes were tilted with sadness.

Your face fell and your tense shoulders slumped, "Why?"

He shook his head, his fingers flexing into your skin, "There's too much going on right now. Tim left Jay, and Jay's on his own. And Alex is a good hunter, he'll find you. He's already come around here a few times, actually."

All you heard was a pathetic attempt at an excuse. But in reality, it did make some sense.

"You pinky swear you're not lying?" Your eyebrows twitched as you looked up at him.

He managed a smirk, leaving the cool air to nip at a warm spot on your hip as he held his hand up, "I'd never lie to you." 

You linked your pinky with his and it caught you off guard as Hoodie sealed it with a soft kiss on your knuckle.

Trust.

You craved for his lips sometimes, and it was often hard to remind yourself that this is a different person. Would it be cheating on Brian if it's the same body?

What the hell were you talking about? This dude kidnapped you and you're thinking about whether his lips would feel good against yours.

But you were satisfied as he kisses you on the cheek, "Get back to bed, now." He started to coax you back into your room.

"Can't I stay up with you for a bit?"

He squinted, and you could tell he was growing suspicious but nonetheless, he obliged with a, "Sure." Taking you by the hand, he lead you to the kitchen. "I gotta take a shower first, I'm sure you can make something for yourself while I'm gone."

The bathroom door was closed before you could even answer, "I literally just said that I wasn't hungry earlier." You mumbled, glancing around the cute kitchen.

Out of curiosity, you picked up one of the medicine bottles to see what he was taking and if that somehow made him more aggressive.

Tim Wright.

He had Tim's pills. How and why? Did he steal them or did Tim give them to him? Was it the same way he got the picture?

You set the plastic down and walked over to the humming fridge. There wasn't much in it, just a few packs of meat, two jugs of water, miscellaneous in the drawers, and a bag of chips. And that godforsaken tuna.

Why the hell does he keep chips in the fridge?

You took the box of ham and started making two sandwiches with cheese, lettuce, and mayo. You glanced in the direction of the hissing water in the bathroom before chucking the tuna in the trash, tossing some paper towels on top of it to hide the glint of the metal.

The hiss of the shower stopped, and you listened as Hoodie rustled around with some towels.

Oh fuck, he's gonna try and seduce you. 

You turned away from the door, busing your self with slowly pouring juice into the glass. Wet footsteps pass the kitchen, and you couldn't help but glance though the window as he made his way to his room. 

A guilty part of you wishes that Brian had those type of muscles when you were dating. This dude was really strong just from the look of his back. 

He paused at the padlocks glancing over them, and then quickly locked with your eyes. You turned away, spilling the half-full glass all over the counter with a hissed curse.

You tried to look again, but the door was already closed.

You soaked up the juice, piling all of the towels in the trash until the counter was grape-free. Hoodie walked in, hair still wet and in (thankfully) clean clothes.

You accepted his advancements as he wrapped a pair of strong arms around your waist, nuzzling into your hair.

"You smell better than I do, and I've just taken a shower."

"I smell like damp basement and cheap Irish Sring soap, don't lie to me." You picked up a plate and held it out to your left, letting Hoodie take a hold of it as you grabbed your plate and the two drinks.

You could tell how exhausted Hoodie was by the way he flopped down on the couch, almost looing his dinner in the process.

You set your plate and drink on the coffee table, knowing he's going to want half of your sandwich anyways. 

The air was calm, and rain had started to tap on the floor above you in the broken building. Hoodie was just chilling, watching the late night news and eating the sandwich you made for him.

It felt nice.

It felt normal.

You leaned your head on his shoulder, hugging his elbow as you cuddled up to him. You were touched starved, you craved affection and contact, and Hoodie was the only one around capable of giving it to you.

He set the plate down on the armrest and wrapped an arm around you, allowing the warmth of his chest to engulf you.

You closed your eyes and even dozed off a little bit until you were stirred by Hoodie running his hands through your tangled hair. You whined, aggravated that you were disturbed from your slumber. 

"I love you." 

You rolled your closed eyes. You didn't respond, it was obvious you're faking sleep now, but there was really no other option that would end well.

"[Y/N]."

"Hoodie, I don't love you. Not now."

He stood up, quite abruptly, actually, and you almost fell on the floor.

"Then why are you doing this to me?" His muscles flexed under the black t-shirt he was wearing as he scowled down at you. "Don't you realize this is torture?!"

The man sounded desperate, and his elbows were tucked to his waist insecurely. His eyes...they were truly filled with the pain of the truth.

But as he turned to leave, you managed an apology. "Hoodie, I'm sorry." You clasped your hands together, straightening up on the couch.

"You're not sorry." He hissed, twisting back towards you. "You know what you're doing." The blonde squinted at you, searching your body for something, anything, that looked like remorse.

In his blind state of betrayal, he didn't see any.

"I am sorry!" You stood up defensively, clenching your fists by your side. "How dare you say what I don't feel! I was sorry, but now I'm not! You're just an asshole who expects me to fall in love at first sight of you!"

"You did fall in love with me at first sight o-!"

"No, I didn't! I feel in love with Brian Thomas, your ass had to ruin a perfect fucking relationship for your own selfish needs!"

Hoodie stayed silent, he was holding back. His fists were clenched so tight, his knuckles were turning white, and his eyes were full of burning hatred.

"I'm never going to love you, Hoodie. Not truly. Not if you always act like an entitled brat."

"Don't fucking lead me on then." His shoulders slumped and his fingers loosened. "Don't give false hope."

You blinked, watching as he calmed down into sadness, "Hoodie, I didn't want to do that...I want to make you happy, I want you to feel comfortable instead of tense and awkward which gets you on edge. Maybe even a little dangerous.."

He looked up from the ground and into your sympathetic eyes. He stepped forward and grabbed your waist, pulling you towards him.

"Then you will not get rid of me until you love me."

"That wasn't our deal you sai-"

"Said that I'd free you in due time, yes,” He finished for you, “I keep my promises. Just like how I promised to make your life a living hell if you didn't learn to love me. It's a shared deal, sweetheart." His voice was eerily calm.

You didn't reply, you couldn't. You knew if you opened your mouth you would start sobbing for mercy, for freedom. But you knew that wouldn't happen on his account.

"Now, go to your room." He jerked his head into the direction behind him, staring through your eyes instead of into them.

"This will not make me love you." You whispered, looking closer into his eyes. You wished he could see the hurt in your eyes, the hatred. 

But he kept his eyes trained on the plate sitting on the coffee table.

You sniffed, shoving past him towards your damp and dark room.

As you jumped into bed, you heard the sound of a plate crashing. Then another one. Right into the television.

You didn't care. You turned over and stared at the wall until sleep consumed your tense nerves.

___

The door to [Y/N]'s room clicked and creaked quietly open. Hoodie stared at them, hoping the metallic sound of the gun didn't wake them.

You could only see the shadow on the wall, and the clicking disturbance of the gun being handled. You couldn't quite see his position, but he might be aiming at you. You don't where else he'd point the gun at.

You dared not to move. Even if you wanted to, you couldn't. You were frozen in fear of the idea of being shot.

The rustling of fabric and shrinking shadow signaled that he put the gun away but was advancing towards you. What if he decided on a knife instead?

Instead, a rough hand brushed your hair out of your face, and placed a soft kiss on your temple.

You know he's not going to let up. You have to plan an escape.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #474

“nothing flashed before my eyes  /  no pretty angels, no bright lights  /  all i saw was the devil’s soul, & it looked a hell a lot like my own”

Who are you most nervous about introducing potential significant others to? My dad. He can be a challenge. He says whatever comes to his mind the moment he thinks it, and it's not always nice. What is the most exciting thing about your life right now? My relationship, honestly. It feels like the one thing that's going right, but I'm concerned if I don't take care of the things that aren't going so well, that they will creep into my relationship and start breaking it down, ex. not having a job. What was the most important non-academic thing you learned in high school? To just keep pushing and not give up on life, and that it is full of phases, be them good, bad, or bland. Have you ever had a job that deeply affected your personal life? How so and do you still work there? No. Do you have a “one who got away”? I don't feel like that anymore. If you were in a supoerhero movie, would you be the hero or the villain? Because I like to help people, I'd like to be the hero, BUT villains are waaaay cooler. If you found a mouse in your house, would you be frightened? Frightened, no. I LOVE mice. I'd of course be startled and concerned about it getting into food, but I'd just calmly find a way to get it outside. Have you ever tried to perform magic tricks? I used to LOVE getting those little magic kits when the Scholastic fair came around! I had I want to say three and was pretty good at a lot of tricks in them. Can you do more with a yo-yo than just "go up and down"? No. What is one form of technology that you wouldn't be able to live without? The Internet for sure. Did you get an allowance, growing up? Why or why not? No. An allowance for three daughters was something my parents couldn't afford. Would you rather go to a water park or an amusement park? Why? An amusement park. They're more exciting to me, and somehow water parks seem dirtier with all the little kids and just alksdjlfa;wjke What is one instrument you wouldn't mind learning how to play? The violin. What's the longest amount of time you've had to wait in line for something? Probably something at Disney World as a kid, idr. What is something that you would like to learn more about? I ALWAYS want to learn more and more about meerkats. What is something that one of your family member collects? Mom collects owl stuff. Have you ever moved to a new school before? If so, how did it feel? No, except obviously when transferring from certain age ranges, like elementary to middle school. Have you ever legitimately forgotten to do homework? Yes, at least once in middle school. I felt SO awful and had to go outside of the classroom to do it while they were reviewing the work. Do you enjoy autumn leaves or spring flowers more? Why? I really, really like both. Each are just very pretty in their own right. Depending on where you live, why might a day of school get canceled? Hurricanes or like the mere chance of a centimeter of snow. At least once, we've even had such a severe heat advisory that school was called off. If you could meet any fictional character from a book, who would it be? Can dragons be real? 'Cuz then I wanna meet Clay from Wings of Fire if we could talk, lol. He's so wise and I'm sure would have great knowledge to share about looking at my life from new perspectives. What are some common places that people tour when they come to your city? Um, people do NOT tour this city. It's trash. What's one food that you did not enjoy as a child, but do as an adult? I'm not sure. How would having no electricity affect your daily routine? Everything would change, given I'm always on the computer. Would you rather have a mermaid tail, a fairy's wings or a unicorn's horn? Fairy wings, for sure. What is an animal that you'd like to have as a pet but it's not allowed? I wish SO badly that opossums were domesticated animals, alsdkjfkaljwe. I say enough that I do want to rescue/foster one, though, but I would obviously need a license for that. I would absolutely never just snag one from the wild. What are some things that you do to make the world a better place? We recycle here, don't dare to litter, and I always try to be a decent person that spreads love and hope to other people. Has the last person you had sex with ever had sex with someone besides you? Yes. What’s your favorite store at your mall? rue21, I suppose. We have a small mall. Have you ever done a workout DVD? Oh my actual god, this is a THROWBACK. When we were really little, my sister had a BARBIE workout DVD that we watched sometimes. Who usually takes out the trash in your family? Usually Mom, but sometimes me. What song are you currently obsessed with? Absolutely "Bath Salts" by Highly Suspect, ahhhhh- When you go fishing, do you make someone else get the fish off the hook? When I used to go fishing, my dad would always unhook the fish. Do you take any prescription meds? A lot. What happens if you don’t take them? I very rarely forget to take my medicine, but when I do, I experience anxiety and my tremors get worse. Who was the last person you dreamt about? I don't remember. Do you prefer your tea sweetened or unsweetened? I hate tea in any way. How often do you honk your horn? I don't really drive, so. I'd be very hesitant to though because I wouldn't wanna piss someone off. Do you have any children? If so, names and ages? That's a hard pass from me, bro. Have your parents ever witnessed you doing something inappropriate? What? No. Did you get babysat a lot as a kid? I don't remember how frequently, but we did have a babysitter. Both my parents had jobs. If you were the principal of a school, what would you do differently? Actually pay fucking attention to bullying and do shit about it. Are you doing anything fun tomorrow? "Fun?" Don't know her. What is something you'd like to receive as a housewarming gift? I dunno. How old were you when you first experienced the effects of puberty? I don't remember. What is your least favorite holiday, and why? St. Patrick's Day because I worry about getting pinched, lol. Pinching even very lightly is surprisingly painful for me. What were some outdoor games you played as a child? Hide-and-seek was my favorite, then my sisters and I made games for on the trampoline and in the pool, etc. Did you accompany your parents on "Take Your Child to Work" Day? I never remember doing that, no. Are cemeteries peaceful to you, or do they freak you out? They're humbling, more than anything. A reminder of how equal we are and that we all end up the same. It's a nudge to cherish life while you have it. Which ancient civilization would you be interested in learning more about? My favorite is Ancient Egyptian. Do you have better long-term memory or short-term memory? Long-term. My short-term memory is absolutely frighteningly horrid. What was the last situation that made you cry? Describe. I was very frustrated with just life in general and how horribly I'm failing at it. Which forest animal would you be most afraid to encounter? A bear, probably. Do you believe in anything supernatural? (ie: spirits, etc) Yeah, like said spirits. Has anyone close to you ever gone to war? No. Have you ever experienced altitude sickness? No. Is there anything, any event, you wish you could remember more clearly? I don't know right now. Have you ever rubbed anyone’s feet? EW you couldn't pay me to. If you had to get advice from someone of the opposite sex, who would you go to? My boyfriend. What was the last new food/drink that you tried? I recently tried jalapeno-stuffed grilled chicken, and a couple days ago I tried this orange/strawberry V8 my mom bought. It was noooot good, which I figured it wouldn't be. That's not a good mix. Have you had a good day today or was yesterday better? Today was fucking awful, and yesterday wasn't exactly peachy either. Have you ever played Sudoku? Yeah, I enjoy it well enough. Do you ever take surveys for money? No; I once signed up for a site like that though because my mom used to do that, but I literally qualified for no surveys with how inexperienced I was and still am with grown-up stuff. Do you like Barbie or Bratz better? I don't have an opinion, and I didn't really as a kid, either. Do you prefer purple or green grapes? I go back and forth, but either way, it has to be a crisp grape or it's just gross. Who was the last person that made you laugh? I was watching a John Wolfe video. Where does your best friend live? Illinois. Who did you last confide in? Girt. Does your car have an alarm? Mom's doesn't. Where was your mom born? New York. What can always make you feel better no matter what? If I'm being completely realistic, nothing. Not every single tactic is fail-proof, especially these days. What is something you’ll never eat again? Why? Crab legs came to mind first. They are SO mushy and just gross. What is currently happening that is scaring you? My life, bro. Have you ever found a stranger’s note somewhere? If so, what did it say? I mean maybe at some point accidentally? I don't remember a specific occurrence.

[bathtubdefenseattorney]

Doting

ao3

“Don’t carry that,” Ymir barked and snatched the small potted cactus from Historia’s hands.

“It weighs like a pound,” Historia said.

“You don’t need extra pounds.”

“Did you just…”

“I mean! You’re carrying our child.”

“You called me fat,” Historia said with a grin. “You jerk!”

“I did not! I’m just lightening the load for you. Don’t carry shit,” Ymir said, pointing the cactus at her. A little of its dirt fell from the pot and onto the sidewalk. “Don’t worry. You’re perfect. Gorgeous. Don’t cry. Please don’t cry. But if you feel like crying just let it out, you know—"

Historia laid a hand on her huge belly. “Yim, I am not gonna—”

“COUCH COMING THROUGH!” Eren said and they turned to see him laying on a leather couch carried by a struggling Reiner and Bert.

“How’d you get them to go along with that?” Ymir asked.

Eren stretched luxuriantly. “I paid them.”

Reiner tilted the couch, sending Eren careening into the grass.

“Yeah, about that,” Reiner said. “I’m upping my fee from $10 to $20. Per yard traveled.”

Eren spat grass. “Steep,” he muttered, getting to his feet. “I’m gonna go find the first aid kit…Asshole.”

“It’s packed in with the baby stuff,” Ymir said. “Because you’re a baby?”

“I got it.”

Right. The baby stuff, Historia thought. There’d been mountains of it. Stupidly bought by Ymir several months in advance. Bought before they moved.

Then, the rest of their friends had ditched out on the moving plans, leaving only Reiner, Bert, Eren, and Ymir to carry the heavy stuff. Historia had nothing to do.

She rubbed at her aching back. She was 35 weeks along, and despite the doctor’s reassurances, Ymir still treated every moment as if her wife could die. Sure, Historia was waited on hand and foot, but she was NEVER left alone. Historia didn’t want to be the nagging wife, so she kept her grievances on the downlow.

She looked up the walkway, to the summer lake house Ymir’s parents had owned for decades. Giddy with the prospect of a grandchild, they’d given it no strings attached to the happy couple. It was gorgeous. A huge, Tudor style home with Lake Sina as its backyard. How could Historia ask for anything more?

She let Reiner and Bert pass her by with the couch. When they set it down in the living room—her living room, she reminded herself—she would home in on the couch and rest. If she couldn’t carry a plant without her wife having a hemorrhage, she’d rest.

“Hissy,” Ymir said. “You’re laying down when they get that couch settled. HURRY UP,” she called after Bert and Reiner.

Historia sighed. “No, I think I’d like to take a look at the garden again.”

“Seriously? You know you can’t garden in your condition.”

“I can’t do anything,” she mumbled back. She walked past Ymir, ignoring her confused stare.

“Don’t go in the garden!” Ymir said, grabbing her arm.

“Ymir,” Historia said, the tension rising in her voice. “I’m going to the garden.”

Ymir shrugged. “Okay. Fine. Ruin the surprise.”

Historia ignored her, pulling back the curtains that revealed the backyard. But what she saw wasn’t the lake and the grass and the small garden she planned to expand. She saw a huge, long wooden table piled with food. The rest of her friends, all the ones who’d supposedly ducked out on moving furniture today, bustled about. Annie was on top of a chair, stringing cheery yellow lantern lights. Mikasa stood at the bottom, stubbornly waiting to catch her wife if she fell. Connie had stuffed two party honker things into his nostrils and was blowing them, making a hooting noise Historia could hear through the glass. Jean and Marco were laying out utensils. Sasha was sampling the food.

“Oh my God,” Historia said.

Ymir put her arm around her. “It’s not ready yet but…Surprise.”

Historia ducked her head and smiled. “You’re too much.”

“Anything for my family,” Ymir said.

“Don’t…make a pregnant woman cry,” Historia said, and Ymir pulled her closer.

“Let’s go out there. All your friends are waiting.”

Connie exhaled through his nose, hooting the party blowers until Jean threw them to the ground and slapped Connie upside the head.

“Thanks, Jean,” Sasha said through a mouthful of pasta.

“Hey,” Connie said to her. “Maybe cool it on the food before—”

“I’m eating for two!” Sasha said.

Her boyfriend went into shock, throwing up his hands and shuffling his feet in a sort of interpretive dance similar, Historia thought, to what Ymir had done when she announced their own baby.

“Whaaaa…” Connie said.

“Really?! Congratulations!” Marco beamed.

“Yes,” Sasha said, proudly laying a hand on her belly. “You see, there are two wolves inside us all. And one of them wants pasta, while the other wants ice cream. The one that wins is the one that you f—”

Connie threw a serving fork at her. “DON’T MAKE JOKES LIKE THAT.”

“If there were two wolves,” Jean said, “you’d be eating for three.”

“Hey. Math was never my—”

Then Annie “accidentally” dropped a string of lanterns onto Sasha’s head.

“Sorry, Sasha…Anyway,” Annie said to Mikasa. “I Told you Ymir would blow the surprise.”

“Yeah, well. You took that side of the bet before I got a chance.” And then Mikasa handed Annie twenty dollars.

“Do I get a slice of that?” Ymir asked.

Historia pulled out a chair (everyone insisted that she sit at the head of the table) and eyed the spread of food. Fat wedges of all kinds of cheese, bordered by what Ymir had for months been calling Historia’s “pre-natal crackers of choice.” Plates of soft homemade bread accompanied by slabs of creamy pale yellow butter. A pie that would prove to be apricot, lovingly crafted by Sasha (and later eaten, almost exclusively, by that same baker). Heaping bowls of fresh arugula salads. Cuts of tender, roasted pork. The table was overflowing.

When all the lights were strung and lit, casting gold haloes that attracted humming insects the bug spray couldn’t drive off, when the sun just dipped sleepy and pink beyond the lake, when all her beautiful, wonderful friends were seated, Historia raised her glass of grape juice in a toast.

“I—”

“Everyone!” Ymir said, standing and almost breaking her glass as loud as she was smacking it with her fork. “A toast!”

A chorus of yeah’s.

“When Historia and I got married, I swore to protect her no matter what. So you could imagine how terrified I was to find out that her four foot eleven frame, uh, would get put under so much stress.”

Laughter and cheering around the table. Historia gave her wife a begrudging half smile.

“Anyway,” Ymir went on. “This party is my way of saying that I would do anything to keep my family happy.”

Yes, Historia thought. It had become increasingly clear, from the day the pregnancy test read positive, that Ymir would do anything for Historia and their baby. The only thing she wouldn’t do was stop worrying.

Ymir kept on toasting, and when the tears fell down Historia’s face, she passed them off as joyful ones.

“And I’m telling you I like doing dishes,” Historia said for the fifth time. As fun as the party had been, as entertaining as her friends were, Historia needed a moment to relax.

“Okay. I’ll dry,” Ymir said and grabbed a dishtowel.

Historia huffed. “Fine.”

“Hormones?”

Wrong. Thing. To say. But Historia clenched her jaw and went on washing.

“Hormones, yes,” she said under her breath. She scrubbed at the dish that had cooked the creamy pasta sauce they’d all eaten to excess. Historia could feel Ymir’s eyes on her. “You know I love you,” she said softly. “But—”

“But what?” Ymir’s voice was terrified, as if she feared Historia would divorce her, leave her, just like that. Stupid, doting worry.

The pan slipped from Historia’s grasp, into the sudsy water.

“Ow…ow ow! Ymir? Ow?!” Historia doubled over in pain.

“Oh…uh, shit fuck let’s…”

Historia clenched at Ymir’s arm, her other hand on her stomach. “Get the car. We have to go. NOW, Ymir.”

Leaving the house was a blur for Ymir: after stammering a terrified stream of gibberish that only Annie could decipher (“I think Historia, like, popped. Along with Ymir’s brain.”), and a sprint to the car, and a sprint back to the house in a frantic search for fucking keys, Ymir got into the car where her wife waited silently, already buckled, the baby bag thrown in the back.

You’re suffering, Ymir thought. Historia’s eyes were pulled shut tight, both hands held to her belly. She sighed and moaned.

“Ymir. Drive or something?”

“Um. OH, YEAH.”

Ymir started up the car and peeled out of the long driveway, running over more than one hapless shrub.

“Are you okay?”

“…I’m in labor, Ymir.”

Ymir broke out in another cold sweat and stayed silent. For a moment.

“But it hurts,” Ymir put in.

“Stop. Talking.”

“Are you sure?”

Historia doubled over in a contraction. Tears sprang to Ymir’s eyes, and she swiped at them as she sped through a yellow light. A twenty-minute drive to the ER, less if she was booking it like this. God, why hadn’t Ymir pushed harder on renting that townhouse five minutes from the hospital? Sure the lake house was what they wanted but…Stupid, stupid, stupid.

The time passed with Ymir’s heart in her throat. Her grip was sure to make permanent imprints on the steering wheel, the way Historia was crying out in agony.

At last the hospital came into sight. Ymir skidded the car to a stop, parked, and sprinted to Historia’s door.

“Hissy,” she said. “Let’s…Oh my God, you’re locked in. Fuck.” She jiggled the handle, about to bust the window with her own forehead when Historia calmly unlocked the door from the inside (duh) and moved to step out.

“Ymir…”

“Don’t get out! I’ll…” She looked back at the hospital doors. “I’ll get a wheelchair.”

“No, just…shut up. I can walk on my own.”

Another contraction hit, nearly buckling Historia to her knees. If Ymir hadn’t been there to catch her…

“Get OFF of me, Ymir!”

Ymir froze and took a step back. “What?”

“I wanted a cottage style house, Ymir.” Her head hung low, and her tears hit the pavement as Ymir looked on in horror. “ I wanted…a cottage for us. With a small garden that wouldn’t get flooded by a whole damn lake.”

“We can move. I’ll move us. I’ll do anything—”

“THEN JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE FOR ONCE.”

Historia drew the bangs that had fallen in her face and said, “I’m…sorry. I wanted to tell you before, but I don’t want you in the delivery room with me.”

“Historia…”

Two hospital staff came out with a wheelchair.

“I’m sorry,” Historia said. “I need a…”—she flinched as another wave of pain hit—“I need a breather.”

“But I’m the mom,” Ymir said, lost, as Historia sat down in the chair.

“And so am I,” Historia said with a weak smile. “Stay in the waiting room or I’ll kill you.”

Ymir was left standing there alone, until her friends found her.

“You have been a real mama bear,” Reiner said in the waiting room.

“Insufferable,” Mikasa said without looking from her phone.

“Ditto,” from Annie.

“I’d have murdered you yesterday,” Sasha said. Everyone else nodded.

Ymir sat crouched, head in her hands. “You’re all very helpful.”

It had been well over an hour, and the sting of rejection was more like a vise.

“Where the fuck is the doctor…”

“Doctoring?” Connie said.

“He’ll be super busy right now,” Bert said.

“Based on how fast you said the contractions were coming,” Armin said, “it could be any minute now.”

“How should I know?” Ymir said. “I wasn’t even timing them. This is all my fault…”

“True,” Jean answered, followed by murmurs of agreement.

“She just needs time to cool off and, uh, give birth,” Marco said.

Ymir sat up. “You guys are saying… you mean like…I smothered her?”

“S plus smother equals mother,” Eren said. They all agreed it was the wisest thing he’d ever said (Connie: “He did, like, WORD math!”), and clapped him on the back. That brought something like a smile to Ymir’s face. She was just about to thank them when the doctor walked in.

“Ymir? Are you ready to meet your daughter?”

“I…what kind of fucking quest—I mean YEAH.”

“She’s perfect. Like you,” Ymir said, and Historia smiled sleepily. The baby squirmed and shot out a tiny fist that made Ymir gasp. She already had an impressive tuft of golden hair falling on her forehead.

“I really am sorry,” Historia said again.

Ymir shook her head. “No. This one’s on me.”

“Hey, Yim?”

“Hm?”

“Do something for me.”

“Yeah. Anyth—I mean, what?”

“Just…never leave me again.”

Ymir smiled and leaned in for a kiss. “Whatever you say, Hissy.”

ao3

[jaymarawrites-blog]

LIKE RATS - 24 - Sangria

“How is it with Michael?” Tara didn’t waste time. She never did.

“You know,” I shrugged.

We’d been on the road all of fifteen minutes. It’s not like I hadn’t thought about how I was going to approach this with Tara. I just hadn’t made a decision. But in reality, I knew any decision I made would probably be a distant memory when we got talking. I’d be better off not stressing about this on top of everything else. Or maybe I actually needed this to focus my stress on.

“What the fuck made you want to go on tour? You’re old and married. I thought you didn’t have to put in those groupie hours anymore.”

“It’s been long enough I forgot how much touring sucks. We thought it would be fun to travel together again. Turns out it’s not so romantic when you’ve got years of togetherness behind you.”

Tara flipped the switches to roll down both of our automatic windows and I sat up straight. “You roll down windows now?”

“Today I do.”

“What about your hair?” I teased. A half-ponytail sat up high on her head, but Tara was always too worried about her hair to roll down windows.

“The tour smell is more important than my hair right now.”

I snorted and rolled my eyes, lifted my arms over my head. “Really? That bad?”

“Jesus Spenser!” Tara contorted her face. “I can’t tell if your pits smell like pussy or your pussy smells like pits but Jesus fuck put your arms down!”

A deep, guttural laugh tumbled from my mouth and tears came to my eyes. A feeling of weightlessness came over me. It felt so fucking good to be home, even if we weren’t quite home yet, even if it wasn’t technically my home anymore. It felt so good to be on my way back to a world before L.A., a world before the band, and a world before Michael.

I propped my feet on the dashboard and sunk down into the passenger seat.

“Mama Dukes?’

A slight wrinkle in her forehead betrayed the arch of an eyebrow behind her sunglasses. “I’m just glad you’re home. She can concentrate all her bullshit on you now.”

“Fuuuuuck.”

I loved my mother, but it was much easier to miss her than it was to live with her. Or even in the same state.

“We’re doing mani-pedis tomorrow, the three of us.”

I relaxed my head into the headrest. “Nice.”

“But you need to fix this shit first.”

I looked over at her.

“I mean, is it literal shit or what? I will put you in the shower myself and hose you down if I have to. We’re not putting lipstick on a fucking warthog, here.”

I laughed again. “Fuck off.”

The closer we got to home, the more I felt myself melt into the passenger seat. Everything stressful was being left behind on the bus, in Seattle, and tomorrow all my problems would be moving on to another city. As long as I was here, with family, I could relax, I would be fine.

And who said I ever had to go home anyway?

Tara’s boyfriend dragged my suitcase up the stairs to the second floor of the house, to my old bedroom, where he and Tara had cleared out boxes and other storage items for my stay. When I visited the house Mama Dukes never acknowledged her tendency to use my room for their sundry items and I pretended I didn’t know she did it. It didn’t matter to me how she chose to make use of space in her own home, but for some reason it seemed to matter to her that I see it as it had been.

I checked the time on my phone and saw a message I hadn’t noticed when I received it.

Chris Kane Cell Safe travels

A cold wave rolled through me and I pocketed my phone. I didn’t know if I liked that or not. I didn’t know if I wanted to revel in the fact that Chris had thought of me today or if I just wanted to turn all Chris-related thoughts off. It was hard to think of Chris without thinking of Michael, after all. And the whole point of being here was not to think of any of it.

I pulled the phone back out of my pocket, stared it down for a moment, and set it on the nightstand before leaving the bedroom.

Tara, Ronnie, and I had already congregated around the kitchen island when Mama Dukes made her way through the front door, arms full of groceries. Mama Dukes had hardly cooked a meal since my dad had retired, but she always used my visits as an excuse to keep snack foods in stock.

Tara and Ronnie took the bags and set to work putting packages of Double-Stuf Oreos and Sun Chips and Kudos bars in the pantry and bottled water and diet soda in the fridge. Mama Dukes wrapped me up in her arms and said, her voice soft like pancakes on a Sunday, “You are just lovely but you look awful.”

“Thanks, Mom. I’m just exhausted.”

“Well.” Mama Dukes dropped her weight into a chair at the island like it was more than it appeared. “I hope you’re not too exhausted for Filomena’s.”

I grinned. Filomena’s hadn’t been my favorite place to eat since I was in high school, but Mama Dukes still had it in her head that I would eat three meals a day there if I could. I was always afraid correcting her would hurt her feelings. Filomena’s was still a perfectly fine place to eat, after all, and I had all the time in the world to eat anywhere else I wanted while I was here.

“I could be persuaded to go to Filomena’s.”

“Do me a favor, though, Spense,” Mama Dukes said. “Shower first.”

A relaxing shower was the perfect segue into a quick nap. Clean and damp, I threw on one of my oversized tees and tucked myself right into the queen-sized bed. A real bed I got all to myself, with no threat of Michael’s rummaging around waking me up.

Until the vibrating of my phone on the nightstand interrupted my dozing.

I wanted to ignore the phone, but I also wanted to turn off the vibrate setting. Ugh. I picked up the phone and couldn’t help but see the texts.

Michael I love you. Have a good time.

Sam Nabhani Cell Be well - you’re not missing much here. Catch you back in L.A.

Chris Kane Cell Did you make it safely? Are you feeling better

Vibrate setting off. Sound off. Chris’s texts were the only ones that begged a response and even he wasn’t getting one. I’d spend the rest of night imagining what I might respond, no doubt, but I wouldn’t do it. Not yet, not tonight.

A couple of sangrias through dinner I don’t think I could’ve picked Chris out of a lineup. It was okay. That was how I wanted it. Tara kept the drinks coming, Mama Dukes and Dads paid, and Ronnie wanted to know more and more about L.A. I was drunk enough to tell him the things he wanted to hear, about driving by movie sets and doing makeup for Marilyn Manson who was a big sweetheart. But I was lucid enough to leave out the things no one wanted to hear, about Xanax coladas, the homeless outnumbering rats. Avocado toast with sprouts.

Back at the house the drinks kept going. Tara had the place fully stocked with the sweetest supermarket wine, indistinguishable from Welch’s grape juice. And Tara played her iPod through a speaker and we did karaoke even though we didn’t have instrumental karaoke tracks, a microphone, or the song lyrics, and what we didn’t know we made up even louder.

For the night, if only this night, I had no ties outside of this house. Outside of Mama Dukes, Dads, Tara, and even Ronnie. Ronnie, tonight, was dearer to me than my own husband and my husband was the furthest thing from my mind as Tara and I made “Africa” into a duet. This was the kind of night my family thought I had in L.A. on a regular basis. They had no idea that I was typically at home, alone, while the rest of the city partied with strangers because how could you meet the people you needed to know if you were content to know the people you’d already met?

Mama Dukes retired when Dads found The Texas Chainsaw Massacre on a movie channel and Dads retired when we refused to turn off the iPod. We played 90’s hits and tried to get them to sync with the movie and the last thing I registered before passing out was Leatherface clasping his meaty arms around Sally’s waist and dragging her through a banging screen door to Billy Corgan rasping “Today.”

I hadn’t looked at my phone in close to twelve hours.

[gguksgalaxy]

Mix-Up pt. 1

Masterpost <- Prologue | Part 2 ->

Short: After joining the sorority on your new university you accidentally get roomed with a notorious frat boy called Jongdae. Pairing: Jongdae x Reader Genre: Fluff/Angst/Smut Words: 4468 Notes for Update: 25 Warnings: ppl being mean, frat boys being frat boys, really nothing.  A/n: The first part of my new series, i'm excited and had fun writing this actually. It's based on a dream i had once. Thank you to @sechens for inspiring me to write this series.

Your pov

You wrapped your hair up in a towel on top of your head, drying off your skin and rubbing some cream onto your face. The tiny bathroom was fogged up from your warm shower, but you felt properly refreshed now. After that bullshit of a hazing you needed it. You had to be at class in 3 hours, so you had enough time to rest and read a bit before going.

When you exited the shower you bumped into something, staggering back and holding onto your towel for dear life.

“Excuse me?” an unfamiliar, male, voice sounded.

You looked up, finding a boy, or man, how old was he? His hair was pitch black, eyes a dark brown, lips seemingly curled up in a smile. “Uhm, how did you get in here?”

His brows furrowed underneath his messy fringe. “I have a key, this is my room.”

You snorted. “Sure, now please get out and let me get dressed.” You though you must’ve left the door unlocked, so you pushed him aside to get into the room. “Hello, did you not hear me?” you motioned at him to leave.

He didn’t seem so amused though, and reached into his backpack to pull out a paper and hand it to you. Kim Jongdae, room 3 - 85 - N. That was your room, you were staying here. N building, 3rd floor, room 85. What the hell. “See, now there has to be some misunderstanding along to your room. But I’m tired as fuck and determined to catch at least 2 hours of sleep before I have to be in class.” He moved past you, dragging his duffle bag over the floor and flopping down onto the bed you hadn’t chosen as your own.

You snatched your clothes of your bed and grumpily went into the bathroom to get dressed. What the hell was this guy thinking? Just barging in here like he owned the place. What the fuck. His note wasn’t lying though, but yours said the same with your name. Maybe it was an administration mistake, it had to be right? You’d never get roomed with a guy, it wasn’t even allowed for as far as you knew.

When you were dressed and brushed your hair, you went back out and found your note on between your books. He was fast asleep though, one arm hanging off the bed. His lips still curled at the ends, maybe it was natural. It looked like he hadn’t showered in a few days, some kind of mess on his neck that could’ve been lipstick or food. He was wearing a dark grey sweater that was way too big on him, and light blue torn skinny jeans, maybe a bit to warm for this time of year? It was early September, and he was wearing a sweater.

It didn’t seem like he was going to wake up soon, so you decided to just let him sleep while you did your mandatory reading for today’s class. Taking small notes. It started with simple history of Psychology, a recap of what you’d learned in your bachelor.

You’d come to this university for two simple reasons. The first being that it had one of the best Psychology masters in the country, and second being that your mother had attended here when she was your age.

Your focus was broken by the sound of a phone ringing, but it wasn’t yours. Must be his then? Maybe you should go get this sorted now? But right now just going to class and doing what you had to do was more important. You weren’t going to let some guy take you out of your schedule. His phone rang again, and you sighed deeply. Then a third time, which was when you were done with it.

You got off your chair and looked over. It didn’t seem like the sound would wake him anytime soon. So you tried to find the source of it. Hoping it wasn’t somewhere on him. Maybe his bag?

It was on the floor beside the bed, stuffed full of things he’d probably need when he moved in here. You unzipped the top, the sound becoming louder. So it was somewhere in this mess. Nothing was folded, everything just thrown in there messily. The first thing you pulled out was a laptop, a MacBook Air to be precise, and books identical to the ones you had to get. He was in the same classes as you?

The next obvious thing was a leather jacket, a white one, with something on the back. You turned it over. Sigma-Mu. Of course he was one of those dicks. You’d heard of their fraternity, basically the brothers of your sorority Xi-Chi-Phi, they’re renowned for being empty minded fuck-ups though. Smart, but not using their brain for the right thing. Rough parties and lots of wild nights out with girls like you. Ha, not that you’d ever fall for one of them. You especially knew better than to date a frat guy.

“You’re really cute and all, but would you mind not touching my things?” his voice was a bit hoarse and rough from the short sleep he’d had. He looked at you with sleepy and puffy eyes, brushing his hair away.

“Your phone was ringing, it’s annoying.” You stated blankly.

He sighed and flopped onto the floor beside the bed. Rummaging through his bag to find his phone that was now ringing for the fourth time. “Here it is.” He didn’t even bother to look at it before turning it on silent. “Now can you let me sleep?”

You raised your eyebrows at him, sort of offended. “Excuse me? I wasn’t making any sort of obvious noise. It was your phone that kept me from studying.”

Jongdae, that was his name right, smirked lightly. “Most girls wouldn’t be so casual around me.”

Of course. “Your frat sign or status means zilch to me, now let me study.”

He shrugged, climbing back onto the bed. “Not saying that I was offering, I don’t do studious types like you.”

What a dick. But you weren’t going to indulge him, so you rolled your eyes and went back to your book. You felt his eyes on you, staring at you from the bed. With your jaw clenched you forced yourself to focus.

“You wouldn’t last a week with me in here.” He stated then.

You chose to ignore his cocky voice and lingering eyes and moved onto the last pages. Reid, Berkeley, Locke, Darwin, it was almost Philosophy, but you knew that they blended a bit back in the far history. Natural selection, and bananas that when you don’t see them aren’t yellow but certainly bent. Boring stuff, but easy.

When you closed your book, he was fast asleep again, tiny snores escaping his parted lips. He was attractive, for sure, moles dotting his forehead and hairline, ears jutting out cutely. But his mouth told you something else. Frat at heart.

Maybe you should just go, grab a coffee and something to eat before class. So you got up from your chair, put your laptop in your bag and took a thin coat from the hanger. For a moment you considered waking him up to let him know class was starting soon. Maybe you should try keeping him as a friend instead of an enemy.

You wouldn’t last a week with me in here. But you decided against it, and left through the front door.

***

The class started on time, and you didn’t see any of the girls you’d gotten along with from the hazing in here. You did see some older sisters sitting further up the back of the lecture hall but you preferred to sit in the front third of the class. Not completely up front, but far enough up front to concentrate.

Your lecturer, a male in his mid 30’s, was in the middle of his explanation on the banana thing from Reid when someone took place next to you.

“You know sweetheart, you could’ve just woken me up before you left. I’d have appreciated it a lot.” He sounded, and you just wanted to backhand him right there.

You gnawed at your lip, not reacting to his stupid comment, but taking a look out of the corner of your eyes to see what he was doing. He opened a container with grapes, and his laptop. Popping two in his mouth and typing away, looking up at the projector screen.

The whole 2nd half of class he was silent, paying attention and munching on grapes. It surprised you maybe, that he just quietly concentrated and listened to the lecturer. He was a fast typer, and his little container was empty quickly. Your coffee was finished too soon and you wished you’d gotten a refill halfway through the class.

When the class ended and you fully looked at him beside you, you noticed he’d taken the time to freshen himself up. There were still slight bags under his eyes, but his hair was pushed back now underneath his baseball cap. He was wearing a white shirt with a dark blue plaid shirt unbuttoned over it, still in his ripped jeans. Jongdae sneezed into his hand, and looked at you. “See something you like?”

You rolled you eyes. “Just surprised you can keep up the concentration for that long.” When you’d gathered you things in you chair you stood up, but he made no sign of moving. “We have to go, we have biological psychology in 10 minutes.”

He raised an eyebrow at you. “Are you always this snappy?”

“I around guys like you.” You grumbled, turning around to get out on the other side of the isle.  But he stopped you. “What?!” You didn’t really expect the hurt look on his face right there.

“Let’s walk to class together yeah?”

“Why would I walk with you?”

Jongdae avoided your gaze, packing his things. “I’ll buy you coffee, come on.”

The offer was tempting, and maybe you should say no, but you followed him. Up the stairs and down the hall towards your next class. “You’re so typical.”

“What?” he asked when you were in line for the coffee corner. “How am I typical.”

“Frat guy, comes in late, half asleep. Tries to flirt with a girl being cocky, realises it’s not working and tries to bribe her.”

He was silent for a little, and you tries to decipher what the print on his shirt was actually saying, but it was something with palm trees. You couldn’t complain about his clothes, he looked well in them. His backpack was slung over one shoulder and he had his wallet in his hands. There was a ring on his pointer finger, silver with some pattern on it. He apparently chose to ignore your comment. “What do you want?”

“You’re not going to expect something in return?”

“Hmm.” He smiled lightly. “Maybe notes of the things I’ve missed this morning?”

“That’s not going to be a regular thing.”

He sneezed again, and you noticed then that he might just be sick. “Yeah sure. I normally try to not miss class you know.”

“I like Latte’s with an extra shot.” You answered him, stepping out of the line to open up your bag and finding something in the little toiletry bag you kept. When he returned you handed it to him. “Here.”

Jongdae looked at the little tube in your hand like it was something weird. “I buy you coffee you give me pills?”

“It’s flu medicine.” You took your coffee from him and put the little tube in his palm. Not before nothing that his hands were warm and the skin was soft. “Just put it in your mouth and let it dissolve under your tongue. I have more at home.”

For a moment he stared at it, but then unscrewed the top and threw the contents back like taking a shot. “God it tastes disgusting.”

His face made you laugh, and you took your coffee, going in front of him to class. “Thank you.” He smiled at your gratitude, his smile was nice, the corners of his mouth going up further. “What?”

“You’re cute.”

“Don’t try that on me, it doesn’t work.”

“No really.” He chuckled. “I’m not going to try sleep with my roommate, I’m not that stupid.”

“But you are stupid?”

“From time to time.”

***

Jongdae’s pov

“Okay so what’s up with you?” Baekhyun asked him, sitting in his room. “You’re moping around a bit.”

“Flu.” He mumbled, rubbing his nose. His eyes were tired and his mind wasn’t following him. He really just wanted to go to sleep, but you were there and he hadn’t decided on what to do about it yet. On one hand he thought it might be good to room with someone who actually had their shit together and wouldn’t bring home random girls every other night. He’d moved out of the frat house for a reason.

“Jongdae?” Baekhyun flicked his forehead. “Dude?”

“Okay so, you know how I moved out this year right. To the normal dorms?”

“Yeah.” His friend took another slice of pizza from the box. “I’m rooming with Chanyeol now, but I don’t know if that’s such a great thing.”

Jongdae had roomed with Baekhyun for the past 3 years, they’d grown quite close. But he was just done with the whole shit of being at the frat house all week. “Yeah well. I got to my dorm this morning and there was a girl.”

“A girl?” The other’s eyes lit up at the comment. “They sent you a welcome gift?”

He rolled his eyes. “No.”

“Wait, your roommate was fucking someone that early? I mean morning sex I’m all for it but, not when I’m expecting my new roommate?”

“Baekhyun.” He sighed, pinching his nose. A headache was setting in and he wanted to sleep. “No, my roommate, it’s a girl.”

He laughed. “Funny.”

Jongdae shook his head. “No really, it’s a girl. She had moved in already and all that.”

Baekhyun frowned, looking at the last slice of pizza in the box. Jongdae motioned for him to take it, his stomach was done with the greasy shit. “Okay so you’re roomed with a girl, that’s great. Try and get into the good corner with her.” Baekhyun was a ladies man, he liked to play around. Not the way Chanyeol usually did, Baekhyun just had a lot of…friends on call. “Is she attractive?”

Jongdae has looked at you, the way your hair framed your face and the way your top hugged you body. “I guess.” He didn’t want Baekhyun to get too excited about this. He’d probably just call administrations tomorrow to fix it.

“You guess?”

“I mean, yeah.”

Baekhyun squinted his eyes at him. “What’s her name?”

Jongdae thought about that, and realised he hadn’t even asked your name. How could he have been that stupid? He really was out of it. “Not sure.”

“You’re telling me, you’re roomed with this hot chick, and you didn’t even ask her name? Man what happened to you over summer?” His friend sighed, tomato sauce on his cheek.

“I’m not feeling well okay.”

“What did she look like?”

He closed his eyes, laying back on his bed, describing how you looked. It wasn’t like he hadn’t paid attention to the way you walked, or brushed your hair out of your face. But Baekhyun wouldn’t let that go easily. He did mention the tattoo with the Chinese characters he saw peeking up from the back of your shirt.

“Wait, you said she had a tattoo on the back of her neck? Chinese characters?”

“Yeah, why?”

Baekhyun was smirking, a look Jongdae knew well. “Oh, I know that girl. You’re in for something man.”

“What? How so?” he knew he shouldn’t push Baekhyun on with things like this, but he was too tired to try talk around it.

“Her name is y/n, she’s two years younger than we are, spicy chick. Taking the same classes as you, very nice legs and chest. I think she works out regularly.” He hummed, standing up and moving into the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

Jongdae groaned when he sat up. “You know this how exactly?”

“She’s in Xi-Chi-Phi, I saw her in the hazing, you know, me and Yeol were involved in their hazing. Like Seulna and Noni were helping you guys out.”

“Wait, you’re telling me, I’m rooming with a Xi-Chick? Why…”

Baekhyun was laughing again. “You got it good man, keep her I’d say. I think she’d a nice one.”

“Uhmm, I’d rather keep my ass out of the rumours.” Thing was, each time a Sigma-Mate and a Xi-Chick hooked up it somehow got out and the rumours could last for weeks. Especially if it was more than a simple hook-up. It’s almost like becoming a celebrity couple in the school. Baekhyun was lucky his girls kept silent, Chanyeol tended to be a little less lucky in that department. But Jongdae thought you’d also not want all that attention. You’d just had to find a way to fix it without anyone finding out. “I think I’m going to go home.” He mumbled, getting up and finding his hat from the floor. Pushing his hair back, he set it into place and put his face mask back on. The flu sucked.

“We’ll see how long you last man. Do I see you on friday? At the entrance of the year party?”

“Yeah sure,”

“Jongdae man, really, you used to be so excited for these. We need you there to hype the place up.” His friend whined.

“I’ll come if you keep your mouth shut to Chanyeol about my roommate.” He shot back, smiling lightly. Chanyeol really couldn’t keep his trap shut when it came to stuff like this.

Baekhyun thought about it for a bit. “I mean it’ll only be time before someone sees you together right?”

��Just don’t tell him please.” He begged, whining a little.

“Fine fine. But you owe me Kim!”

“Yah!” jongdae called out from the door. “I’m coming to the party, that’s enough.”

Baekhyun threw something at him, and he wasn’t able to dodge it before it hit his face. He immediately threw it away with a disgusted face as soon as soon as he noticed it was one of his dirty socks. “We’ll talk about this!”

Jongdae waved him off casually before closing the door behind him.

***

When he got back to the dorm, he found you at one of the desks, bent over a book with a steaming mug of tea or coffee next to you. Arrays of coloured highlighters in a glass and a notebook open beside the book. Your hair was up messily on the top of your head, and you’d changed out of your soft striped pants and light tank top. The shirt you were now wearing was a light grey and seemed a few sizes too big. “If you’re going to stand and stare at me from there, please do close the door.”

He snapped out of it. “Sorry.” Jongdae noticed a pan with leftover food on the stove.  “You cooked?”

“Noodles.”

“Oh.” He noticed a sharp edge in your voice, but decided to shrug it off. “I’m going to take a shower okay.” Jongdae walked to his bed, coughing away the slime in his throat. There was a small packet on there, with some kind of medicine.

“It’s the rest of those pills from this morning, you should take them twice a day.” You said when he picked them up. “I emailed you the notes via the uni email.”

He nodded, mumbling a thank you before taking clothes from his bad and walking over to the bathroom. All you stuff, makeup, toothbrush, hair products, were neatly stacked and placed throughout the room. You seemed a lot more organised than he was. His body was aching, and he just wanted to sleep. The warm water soother it a bit, and he took another tube of the stuff you gave him before he brushed his teeth and put on a pair of boxers and a shirt.

For a moment he wondered if he should put on sweats, but he’d left them in his bag. Well you’d probably not even look up at him, so he just went. Not that he was shy really.

“So what are we going to do about this situation?” you asked, closing your book and turning around just as he exited. To his surprise you didn’t even give him a once over. Definitely nothing you hadn’t seen before.

He sighed. “Can we talk about it tomorrow? My head is hurting and I just want to sleep.” Jongdae flopped down on his bed, still unmade and all. “Please?”

You cocked your head to the side. “You really are sick aren’t you? When you came back before I thought you might’ve had a hangover.”

Jongdae licked his dry lips. “Well I did drink yesterday night, but not that much. I probably caught it during the hazing. With all the water and cold nights.”

You sighed, and he watched you stand up to move into the kitchen. “I’m y/n by the way. I realised I never gave you my name.”

He almost said he knew, but decided against it.

“Go to sleep, we’ll talk in the morning.” You said, shooting him a soft smile from the other side of the room. He smiled back and crept under the covers, curling up on his side and willing sleep to take him in.

***

Your pov

The next morning you woke up before him, taking out a minute to look at him sleep in his unmade bed. He looked small, curled up like that. Why were you going soft on him? He was just coming up with the flu, once he’s back to normal he’ll change again.

You quietly tried to take a shower and did your makeup, packing food for the day and the sitting down at the desk to do some reading. But a groan caught your attention.

“Morning.” He said, voice hoarse and deep.

You actually chuckled at the sound. “Hi.”

“So…”

“So what?” you turned towards him, watching his rub his eyes. His hair was falling over his forehead again, messily reaching till just above his eyes.

He moved his mouth and scrunched up his nose. “Are we calling administration this morning?”

“I could also pass by today after class, maybe that’ll be easier?”

He groaned, stretching his body on the small bed, chest bowing up. “I do meant what I said yesterday though.”

You frowned. “That you’re stupid.”

Jongdae sent you an unamused glare. “No, that you wouldn’t last a week with me in here.”

“What do you even mean by that? Have you roomed with a girl before?”

He got up, mussing his hair around and pushing it away from his eyes. “No, but I’ve been around plenty.” His shrug was casual, it annoyed you. “As I said, studios types like you, not my thing. However, I do tend to catch your eye after a while.”

“Jongdae what the fuck are you trying to even tell me?”

“Just saying, if we’d keep this it’ll be time before you develop feelings for me or something. Or we end up in bed together.”

He seemed different from yesterday after class. What even was his deal. Was he trying to scare you away, or trying to keep you here as a challenge. The former was completely unnecessary and the latter totally useless. “Your point is?”

“Nothing, jut noting.”

“Jesus christ you are all the same stuck up kind of pricks aren’t you.” You grumbled, turning your back to him and going for your earphones. If he was going to be like this you might as well cancel him out. Definitely going by the desk today, or you should make him go? “If you’d be so kind to walk to administration? Or call, I don’t care. I don’t have any obvious need to be around people like you.”

He hummed, that you heard before you turned your music on. Behind you he got up, pulled things out of his bag, and shuffled into the shower with a loud cough. All the same, frat boys. You scoffed and shook your head.

Today you had the same lecture as yesterday morning, and the first philosophy lecture. Your favourite. You were doing readings on Berkeley’s full philosophy, much more deeper than yesterday. His theory didn’t always make much sense to you since it was contradictory on it’s own, but you’d learnt to just memorise the stupid thing.

You felt a hand on the back of your chair and a warm breath fan by your ear. “So, what are you studying?” he asked, his wet hair dripping onto your shoulder.

You pulled away, pushing him back. “Philosophy, you should try it, maybe it’ll clear your mind up.”

He looked pretty shocked at the tone of your voice, eyes widening. With his hair wet, and a towel over his head he might’ve actually passed as cute. His black shirt was tight around his biceps, and you duly noted he probably worked out. “Philosophy is good, I don’t mind it. A bit too much blabbering for my liking.” He stated.

“So, you’re going to call?” you asked, pointing at his phone.

He nodded with a look you couldn’t point. “Yeah, do you have the number?”

It had to be somewhere on your desk, you found it under your file, handing it to him and watching him as he dialled the number. He put the phone to his ear and cocked his eyebrows at you with a smirk. You rolled your eyes and got up, towards the kitchen area to grab some grapes from the fridge. They were sweet, you’d always kept some around in your bag as well as snacks.

“Hi, Kim Jongdae.” He said, frowning. “I’m calling because of my room. Or well, my roommate. I think a mistake was made because I’ve been roomed with a girl. We’d like to fix it somehow and get switched or placed somewhere else.” His frown grew deeper the more he talked. You couldn’t hear the person on the other end though. “Are you sure?” he mumbled, and then his eyes grew wide. “That’s not what I’m trying to do! Can’t you check?” his voice raised, the pitch became higher, he sounded a lot different like that. Whining on the phone. “Fine, okay. Yeah, thanks.” He hung up, putting the phone down beside him.

“So?” you asked.

“They’ve made no mistakes, we’re roomed with the right person.”

Well wasn’t that nice.

@oh-beyond @yixings10 @sechens @nunchiwrites @xiubaek13 @yeollieollie @kimjongdaely @paark-haaraa @minseok-baozi @fairyyeols

[avegetariancannibal]

“Cheese and Opera”

Hannictober Day 6: Possession

Hannibal awoke when he heard muffled conversation coming from down the hall. More specifically it sounded like it was coming from Will's bedroom.

He listened for a few moments, only because it sounded like an argument. He'd given up intruding on Will's privacy. For the most part. But he needed to know if danger was imminent, did he not?

"You'd better not," he heard Will say. "I swear to fucking God!"

Was Will in contact with Jack Crawford? Local authorities? A bounty hunter who was threatening to renege on a deal? He was fairly certain the Verger-Blooms were not, as of yet, looking for either of them.

"Are you all right?" he called out.

"Perfectly fine!" Will called back.

Will's bounding footsteps down the hall were followed by him appearing in the bedroom doorway, disheveled and pink-faced and smiling.

"Gosh, I'm so glad to see you again," Will gushed. He bit his lip and lowered his eyes. "I need to confess something, Doctor."

Hannibal's interest and other things were piqued. "What's that?"

"I-I watched you sleep last night," Will said, shuffling his feet. "Just for a little while, though! ell, maybe longer than that. I just wanted to be in your presence."

Hannibal risked patting the pillow beside him. "You know you're more than welcome to join me. No need to limit yourself to merely watching."

"Oh! Oh, no, no thanks," Will said, much too quickly for Hannibal's liking. "I mean, the thought's crossed my mind a few times, but what I'd really like to do is go to the opera with you."

Hannibal blinked. He was too confused to be hurt. "The opera?"

"La Traviata," Will said. "I thought it's something we could enjoy together."

Now Hannibal was suspicious. Is that where Crawford was going to apprehend him? The opera! How terribly obvious.

"I'm afraid I'm not in the mood," Hannibal sniffed.

When Hannibal later found Will sitting on the kitchen floor, stuffing assorted cheeses into his mouth and listening to Michael Jackson's greatest hits, he finally realized what was going on.

"Are you Franklyn?" he asked.

Will nearly choked on his thumbful of Camembert. "W-why would you even ask me that? How ridiculous!"

"The lion is in the room," Hannibal said, crouching down beside him, "and he wants you to answer the question."

"Are you going to be mad?" asked the man who only looked like Will. A bit of cheese rind clung to his lower lip.

"The question is why aren't you mad?" Hannibal asked. "I killed you. You could be using Will's body to eke out some manner of revenge."

Franklyn's borrowed eyes went wide. "Oh! No, no, Doctor, I would never. It's honestly not so bad, where I am now. In a lot of ways it's better than my life as it was, minus the lack of cheese."

Hannibal sat down across from him. "The afterlife? Heaven? Some version of it? Certainly not hell. You were a good man."

Franklyn blushed and failed to suppress a flattered smile. "That means a lot to me, coming from you."

"It really shouldn't," Hannibal said.

He got up long enough to fetch the olive fougasse he'd made the day before, and a handful of tartish grapes. He handed them to Franklyn, saying, "At least eat the cheese with some proper accompaniment."

Franklyn wasted no time slicing some Cantal Fermier onto the bread and cramming both into his mouth. “God, I’ve missed this!”

"Do you plan to stay in Will's body for long?" Hannibal asked. "You should know I would find a way to exorcise you."

Franklyn shook his head. "I only get 24 hours back among the living and I used up a lot of that time watching you sleep."

"And then you go back to...where, exactly?"

Franklyn looked sheepish in Will's face. "Sorry. I can't tell you. It's some kind of cosmic, metaphysical rule. I probably already told you too much anyway."

Hannibal tried another tack. "Can you converse with me outside of Will's body? I heard him talking to you. I'd prefer if you didn't hijack him."

"You didn't sense my spirit watching you sleep, so I'd guess you don't have the ability," Franklyn said. "This Will guy's got a level of perception that's out of this world---no pun intended."

"Could you possess me instead?" Hannibal asked.

Franklyn laughed. "You don't remember from our sessions? I don't want to be you; I want to be near you."

"I thought I'd offer," Hannibal said. "Well, go get dressed and brush the crumbs out of your---Will's---beard."

Franklyn blinked up at him even as he hurriedly got to his feet. "Why? Where am I going?"

"You're going to the opera," Hannibal said, "with me."

******

After La Traviata, Hannibal bought crêpes au fromage for them both at a little stand near the Opéra Bastille.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" Franklyn asked as they ambled through the street. "Feeding me cheese and taking me to the opera...."

Hannibal shrugged. "Why wouldn't I?"

Franklyn rolled Will's eyes at him. "Come on, Doctor. You were repulsed by my very presence when I was alive. Is it just because I'm wearing this guy?"

"You and I... had a lot in common," Hannibal said, carefully choosing his words. He could be honest with Franklyn and leave out the parts that might hurt him unnecessarily. "I saw certain aspects of myself in you I wasn't ready to see."

Franklyn scoffed around a mouthful of crêpe. "What did you and I have in common?"

"Loneliness," Hannibal said. "As you said yourself: It comes with a dull ache."

Franklyn seemed to consider that for a moment, then suddenly stumbled. His face---Will's face---looked flushed.

"I think my time is about up," Franklyn said. He gathered himself up, put on a brave face and stuck out his hand.

Hannibal shook it. "Have you made friends? Where you went?"

Franklyn looked chagrined. "I...I haven't really tried."

"But there are others, other spirits, with whom you could be friends?" Hannibal asked.

"I suppose," said Franklyn.

"Then consider it your former doctor's orders," Hannibal said, "to make at least one new friend when you go back."

Franklyn laughed and took one last bite of his crêpe. "I'll give it my best shot. Bye, Doctor Lecter."

"Goodbye, Franklyn," Hannibal said. He had a sudden thought. "Oh, one last thing: I doubt you'll see him where you're going, but if you do run across Mason Verger, please gloat a bit that you got to wear Will Graham's face."

An instant later, the spirit was gone and Will was entirely himself again. There was no outward difference, but Hannibal could see it plain as anything he'd ever seen anything in his life. He was looking at his Will, and nobody else.

Will glanced all around, frowning at the night sky and bustling crowds. "Where in the hell are we? What in the hell am I doing here? Hannibal, I could swear I was just talking to a ghost and then---" He clutched at his belly. "Oh, God. Why do I feel like I've eaten a kilo of cheese?"

"I'll explain on the way home," Hannibal said, offering his arm. He was elated when Will accepted it. He hoped someday, if he had all eternity in whatever place he now occupied, that Franklyn would know the same feeling.

-end-

[hallaig]

Tag Game

I got tagged in a whole bunch of awesome ones, so I’ll spread ‘em out...so as not to douse you in useless facts about me. (I’ll do a separate post of my questions?? This is my fave kind of tag game!)

@zedsdead1001 ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

1. Beans/tinned spaghetti shapes - if you eat them, are they allowed to touch any other food on the plate or must they be kept separate?

Hurrrrrk. Babe...no. Just... no to all of it. One time I opened a can of tinned beans and there was a chunk of hotdog in it... No.

2. Favourite xmas/birthday gift you remember as a child?

Gifts make me uncomfy in general. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ They always make me want to cry... have since I was like, five.

3. What is the worst time of day and why

I agree with @erwinsbones on this one. That time of day when you’re hyping up to get productive. Otherwise, I like most times of day :)

OH, or when you wake up in the middle of the night, wide awake.

4. Last dream you remember? Don’t be afraid to explain it, I love listening to people’s dreams

One time I had a dream about you.

5. Sparkling or still and why

Still... generally. But I fricking love fever tree lemon tonic water. Sparkling fills my tum too fast and leaves me feeling thirsty.

6. What would you spend £1million on (or dollars or euros or….yea.)

On fanart (or just art in general) and fanfic, hands down. You guys spend so much time producing amazing things, and they bring me so much joy. I want to buy it all. All your fic. All your art. 

.... I could pick a lot of things to spend a million dollars on, but I’ve been thinking about this one a lot lately.

7. Strangest food you like to eat

I used to eat some weird shit, I mean... gross in retrospect. But lately just stuffed grape leaves... which isn’t really weird at all.

Or mustard on anything. Everything. God I love mustard. And tofu. MMM.

8. If I came to your house, what would we do?

*looks up, innocently, from where I’ve been laying rose petals around the entirety of my house. there are enough candles lit that it’s fair to think you’ve stepped into a bad vampire flick. there is wine in the kitchen. cookies for me, sushi for you, and eruri doujinshi spread across every surface that isn’t covered in flowers or candles* Um, well... I’d brush your hair of course... your pretty silky hair...

innocently.

9. What disgusts you the most in life?

Uh, a lot. *side-eyes my entire country*

10. Favourite swimming stroke/style

You used to swim, yes? What was your stroke? They forced me to do the butterfly. Fuck that. Doggie paddle or freestyle anyway :)

11. Do you have a birth mark and if so, what is it?

I’ll show you when I brush your hair.

Kidding, no fun ones. Just a few moles on my neck, etc. ..... ...

[uberff]

Chapter 2

​                                                           Odell​

​ Sucking my teeth as I looked down at Winter, I tried to move away but she was heavy as hell and her greasy ass hair kept getting in my damn mouth. It was too damn hot in here to be cuddling and shit. All this space in my bed, and she stuck to me like glue.

All that cuddling shit was fake. Nobody goes to sleep like that in real life.

“Winter bruh,” I mumbled as I lightly shook her. If I woke her up too harshly, she’d curse my ass out and it’s too early for that. Her morning breath wasn’t worth it either.

“What damn? I’m tired, leave me alone idiot.” She sucked her teeth as she moved to the other side of the bed. Shit, thank God.

“Put yo hair in a ponytail or sum.” I told her. Winter had hair for days and she always left it all over the place while she slept and the shit was always in my face.

She looked back at me and scrunched up her face. “Odell, if you don’t take yo ass to bed.” She snapped as she shook her head and flipped her hair in my face on purpose.

“Put yo hair in a ponytail or sum.” She mimicked me, attempting to make a deep voice.

Flipping her off while she wasn’t looking, I got up and got my phone off of the charger and went in the restroom to take a piss. As soon as I walked in, I had to step back out to make sure my eyes wasn’t playing tricks on me.

Walking back in, I still saw Jaylen taking a fucking bubble bath while eating some damn grapes. He was bumping R Kelly, too.

“Why do I always catch you doing dumb shit? Why are you here? Why are you in MY tub?” I asked as he jumped from the sound of my voice before chuckling.

“Nah bruh, I seen a bug bout as big as you in my bathroom.” He said as I shook my head.

He swore up and down he was hard, but this nigga was scared of bugs. He’d go crazy whenever he seen one. Even if it was just a fly or ladybug or some shit.

“Whatever, I gotta piss.” I said more likely to myself as I walked out and made my way to Robyn’s bathroom.

When I got to her room, she was sitting up in her bed watching The Call. One of her favorite movies. “Why you not sleep kiddo?” I asked as I sat at the edge of the bed.

She shrugged before stuffing some popcorn in her mouth. “Can’t sleep.. so I’m just eating.” She gave me a small smile. She was always smiling, even when she felt as if she had nothing to smile about.

Rob was somebody I’d literally do anything for. I’d die for her, real talk. She was like a little sister to me and can’t nobody come in between our bond. Having her around just overall makes me a better person. She tries to be positive all the time, and surrounding yourself with people like her helps a lot. I see why everyone likes her.

“My pops asked about you..” I told her as her eyes lit up. My dad was like a father to her also. Both of my parents cared for her as if she was their child, and her parents had did the same for me.

We went to the same after school program, but I ain’t really start talking to her until she moved in the house next my parents’. After that, we started talking to each other at the program and we would always ask to go outside and play together when we got home.

We been best friends ever since.

“Really? What’d he say?”

“He was just saying how he was driving and he seen your face on one of the billboards and that he was proud of you. He also said he was gonna come visit cause his misses you.” I explained while she just cheesed the whole time.

“I miss my old man too. He definitely needs to come.” She smiled as she stared off into space. I noticed that her lip was kinda swollen. She better not have been fucking with ole boy.

“What happened to your lip?” I asked as I gently grabbed her chin and observed her lip. Look like somebody busted it.

“Nothing, I just fell at one of my shoots..”‘she waved me off as I nodded. If it was her ex, I was bound to curse her out but I knew she wouldn’t go back to his ass. She wasn’t dumb.

Plus, I knew she wouldn’t lie to me so if she said she fell, I believe it.

“Yo clumsy ass need to be more careful then. But I was just checking on you, if you need me I’ll be in my room.” I told her as she nodded.

“But, I gotta pee first.” I said quickly as I ran in her bathroom and locked the door. Knowing her, she’d get mad and push me out cause she hated when I used her bathroom.

Once I was done taking a piss, I washed my hands and walked out. She was too busy looking at something on her phone to even notice me.

Noticing a big Afro in the kitchen, I smiled because it was Winter.

“Hey baby.” I got behind her as she turned around and pointed the knife she was using towards me. Damn, I see she gone have one of her infamous attitudes today cause I woke her up.

“Get away from me O.” She pushed me off of she finished chopping up the fruit she was eating. If you knew Winter, you knew she had a BAD fucking attitude. That’s what I’m here for though. Give me a couple of months, that attitude won’t even exist anymore.

I know she was pissed because I was fucking with her sleep, but it was hot as hell. She wanted to sleep in, because she had work today.

If it was up to me, I’d tell her to quit her damn job but I knew that wasn’t an option. She loved being independent, and her parents didn’t spend all that money on her in college for nothing. I know they’d be pissed if she quit. It took time and hard work for her to get to the position she’s in anyways.

I don’t see how she made it through college, cause she never wanted to get up for class. That weak ass alarm never worked. I always had to wake her ass up like a fucking drill sergeant.

“Baby, I’m sorry. Come on, you got a few mo’ minutes.” I apologized as I picked her up bridal style and made my way back towards my room. She didn’t say anything, she just tucked her head in the crook of my neck.

Making sure she was comfortable in the bed, I got back under the covers with her and rocked her back and forth as she smiled. “You a big spoiled ass baby, you know that?” I chuckled as she opened her eyes and quickly kissed me before closing them.

“Shhhh..” she mumbled as she snuggled up to me. Good thing the air was on.

Not even a minute later, the only thing that could be heard in my room was her light snores. They may have been light, but trust me she could sleep through anything.

Gently sliding out of the bed, I made my way to the kitchen to put the fruit that she was cutting into a container. I knew she was gonna take it to work.

Once I finished, I put the container in the refrigerator and went into the living room with Jaylen.

“What happened to Peanut?” Jaylen asked referring to Winter. Peanut was a college nickname that everyone gave her because she used to always wear braids that brought out her peanut ass head.

“She was just sleepy..” I chuckled as he shook his head. If you ask me, her attitude getting way better since I came in her life. When we first met, she used to get mad over little ass shit and she hardly ever took her pills. I’d never do anything to jeopardize our relationship, Winter needs me.

“Everyday… I be thinking bout how lonely I am, then I don’t be giving a fuck cause I think about how Winter acts which makes me happy with the fact that I don’t got a girl.” He smiled as he kicked his feet on the table.

“That’s my baby right there… she just need a lil fixing. We all got a lil problem.”

“Nah she got the attitude of an old person.” He said as I laughed. He didn’t know about the disorder she had. She only told me, besides her family.

“Nigga shouldn’t you be using finger paint or some shit? Why you here?” I asked, cause it was early as hell for him to be here.

“Nigga shouldn’t you be catching balls or some shit?” He asked as I flicked him off. The fact that we lost was eating me alive at first. It’s like my heart had been ripped out of my chest.

Soccer was my first love but Football was my everything, and going to the Super Bowl would’ve meant everything to me. It’s all good though, Ima come back 100x harder next season.

“Morning, baby..” I heard Winter’s voice as she walked in and sat on my lap. I noticed that she was already ready for work. She didn’t wear makeup or anything to work, so it didn’t take her that long to get ready.

“Well don’t you look as pretty as ever?” Jaylen joked. He was being sarcastic because she had this stank look on her face and she wasn’t really dressed up. Still beautiful as always.

“Eh, don’t fuck wit me today Jaylen. I won’t hesitate to cut your ass.” She rolled her eyes at him as he put his hands up in defense. The fact that she was serious was funny. “What time you gotta be at work?” I asked, shaking my head.

“10:30.” Checking the time on my phone, it was now 10:15. We were hella late. Morning traffic was gonna be a bitch.

“Fuck, we need to leave now. Did you take your pills?” I knew she didn’t, but I asked anyways to see if she’d lie.

“Baby, ple-” I cut her complaining off. She never wanted to take them. I always gotta be on her ass to take them. It makes me wonder how did she take them before she met me? I remember when I first found out. I had knew something was up, because babygirl attitude used to switch up in a second.

*Flashback*

“Shut up talking to me, Odell.” She sat on her bed as she folded her arms. We were in her dorm and we had just came back from a party. She was mad at me because girls kept coming up to me left and right.

“You’re fucking crazy Winter. Earlier we were all cuddly and shit, then you get mad and damn near cut my arm over some shit I couldn’t control! I clearly put them bitches in they place, and you still mad?!” “I’m not crazy!” She yelled as she took her shoe off and threw it at me. If it wasn’t for my good catching skills, that shit would’ve hit me in the face and we would’ve really had a problem. “Yes you are! You need some fucking help, psycho!” I spat as I heard sniffles a few seconds later. She gotta be fucking kidding me.. But she ain’t crazy, right? Yea ok.. “Winter, don’t tell me you crying..” I sucked my teeth as I tried my best to hold in my laughter. This girl was hilarious. “You know what? Just go! You were right, I am a psycho. I don’t fucking need you! Now get your stupid ass out, you fucking piece of shit!” She yelled as she threw a bottle of pills at me. I knew she ain’t mean that shit. She said a lot of harsh shit when she was mad. Catching the bottle of pills, I noticed that they were prescribed. It was a bottle of Quetiapine. That’s when I instantly started to feel like shit for calling her crazy. “Winter, I’m s-” “Shut the fuck up! You weren’t sorry when you were laughing! Go ahead and keep doing it!”

*flashback over*

“Nah Winter you need to take them, cause you gone end up blowing yo whole damn job up if somebody say one wrong thing to you.” I stated as she rolled her eyes. She knew it was true.

“Here.” I said as I handed her the two pills. She snatched them out of my hand before gulping them down with some water.

“I don’t care about you getting mad.” I laughed as she flicked me off. Grabbing her bags for her, we made our way out of the door and into the car. Her job wasn’t too far from my place..

When I pulled up to her job, I stopped in the front so she wouldn’t have to walk that far. All of her coworkers or whatever was staring hard as fuck. “They do this every time I bring you..” I chuckled as she shook her head. Jealous ass hoes.

“I love you baby. Don’t forget to pick me up either.”

“I love you too, and I won’t.” I laughed as I crashed my lips into hers and grabbed her pussy. She was always buggin about me being on time because of this ONE time I was late. I was only late because I was coming from practice. But I don’t even have to worry about that right now.

“Stop Donald Trump, I gotta go.” She smiled as she rushed out of the car. Watching her as she walked in the building, I sucked my teeth at her pants. I didn’t even realize she had those on. I thought I made her burn those. She had on these track pants and her pants made her ass look fat as shit. All them niggas she be training. Pulling out my phone, I went to my messages to text her.

Me: who told u to wear those peanut head ass girl 😕

Wife❄️: me 😐 big noodle head ass boy

Me: bet don’t be surprised when I fuck u up later

Wife❄️: k daddy 😘

Jaylen always told me I always let her have her way, that’s why she be doing what she wants. He said I been letting her slide since we first met. I don’t see it though.

We met in college. Jaylen didn’t even go to our school, that nigga would just come on campus to mac or sell some shit. He would even sit in class with me sometimes.

*Flashback*

“Damn, these girls up here is bad as fuck.” Jaylen mumbled to himself as I chuckled. He was right though. I ain’t here for girls though, I’m here for football.

“You say every girl ba-” I started to say, but my sentence was cut short when somebody decided to knock my head off my shoulders with a damn ball.

Groaning while I held my head, I noticed a girl kneel down in front of me. “Damn, clumsy ass. You hit my brother.” I heard Jaylen say to the girl. She sucked her teeth.

“Jaylen shut the fuck up, it was an accident.” She spat at him, leaving me in shock. She didn’t look like she even cursed.

“Your life was an accident. Yo mom was supposed to swallow you.” He laughed as she ignored him.

“I’m so sorry, are you okay?” She asked as she rubbed the side of my face. Her touch gave me goosebumps.

Opening my eyes a little, I noticed that she was the girl that all the niggas literally wouldn’t shut up about. They literally fantasize over her all the time. I think her name was Snow or something like that.

This was my first time seeing her in person and she looked even better than her pictures. She had long poetic justice braids that flowed down her back, smooth caramel colored skin, juicy pink plump lips, and some big brown eyes. She was beautiful. Made a nigga speechless.

“Yea I’ll be good…” I smiled at her as I gave her a small smile. It’s like we had got lost into each other’s eyes, because we were just staring.

“You gone let her ugly ass slide? Fuck nah.” I heard Jaylen say as the girl sucked her teeth. I wonder how they knew each other. But then again, Jay knew every fucking body.

“What’s your name, sweetie?”

“Odell, and you?”

“Well Odell, I’m Winter and class is about to start soon so I’ll see you around?” She said as she helped me up.

*Flashback over*

“Damn, I miss her already..” I mumbled to myself as I started driving to the Target that was by Winter’s job. It was literally next door. As I made my way to the freezer with milk, I noticed a girl beside me struggling. She had mocha colored skin, and long purple wavy hair. When she noticed me staring, she looked at me.

“Could you get that milk at the top for me, please?” The girl asked. I hesitated, because I knew Winter wouldn’t even approve of this. She would say something like, Tell that bitch to stand on her fucking tippy toes. I could picture her saying that right now.

I didn’t like her being friendly with other niggas and she didn’t like me being friendly with other bitches. But damn this girl looked like she was struggling. But then again I’ll be mad if Winter helped a nigga with something outside of her job.

“Stand on yo tippy toes.” I told her before walking away. Smiling because I handled it the way Winter would’ve wanted, I gave myself a pat on the back.

When I got home, I opened the door only to hear Robyn blasting Yes by Beyoncé.

“Robyn!” I called out as I got no response. Sucking my teeth, I jogged up to her room to tell her to turn that shit down. I was about to take a well needed nap.

When I opened the door, I didn’t see Rob but I noticed Jaylen sitting on the bed watching Shrek. Weird. I didn’t even know him and Rob talked.

“Why you in here?” I asked as he took his eyes off of the tv. He was scratching his head like he had a bad case of dandruff.

“She wanted me to fix her TV..”

“Oh ight..” I said before making my way to my room. I was about to take this well needed nap, then pack up for this surprise trip I was about to take Winter on. I already talked to her manager, so she good.

I want this trip to be perfect.

                                                        Robyn

Let me have some of yours.“ I told my best friend Quavo. I had only got a salad and that didn't fill me up. We were at Cheesecake Factory. This was one of our favorite places to eat at. Where we met actually.

*Flashback*

My day was going by pretty slow. I had just moved out here and I literally didn’t know anyone. I’m here at my favorite restaurant and I can’t even enjoy it. I’m still adjusting to not having my parents around, and it’s hard. They were all I had besides my friend Odell, but I doubt that he even remembers anything about me.

"You can’t come here lookin’ all sad, wassup wit’ ya?” I heard a male voice say as he slid in the other side of the booth and examined my face. He looked and sounded familiar. I think he was in a group.

“I’m adjusting to my new life and it’s… hard.” I sighed as I stared at my fingers. I always knew I would be on my own soon, but not this soon.

“You gone get used to it. It’ll take time.” He said as he gave me an assuring smile. That’s what I tell myself all the time, but I’m not sure if I believe that.

“How can you be so sure?”

“Let go and let God. Don’t stress about it, mama.

"You seem like you need a friend. Call me whenever you need me, aight?” He said as he stood and handed me a piece of paper. Nodding, I put the paper in my purse.

Looking up at him, he held his arms out and it’s like I fell right into them and started crying. I know he was a stranger, but I’ve been holding these tears in for too long and he actually made me feel comfortable.

Grabbing my purse for me, he walked outside with me while I cried in his chest. I was crying about my parents. I missed them so much.

“It’s gone be aight.” He whispered in my ear as he rubbed my back.

*Flashback over*

That day, we sat in his car until I finished crying. He even took me out afterwards to cheer me up. Quavo’s literally the sweetest guy I know.

We’ve actually tried talking, but just no. It didn’t work out at all, and I don’t even see him like that anymore. He’s not even my type, he stays dogging girls.

“I told you I got the munchies, I ain’t sharing nada.” He said as he dug away in his food. He had got something called Bang chicken and shrimp and it smelled so good.

“You’re mean as hell to me.” I rolled my eyes at him. I was only joking, he treats me like a fucking princess and I love it. He reminds me of how my dad used to treat me. If someone made me mad, he would shut shit down.

“Shut up, you know you my one and only besides ma dukes.” He waved me off.

“Yea I know, just like hearing you say that.” I flipped my hair as he smiled at me and shook his head. The diamonds on his teeth were actually cute on him.

“Aight I’m done.. you ready?” He asked before drinking his water. I guess our waitress had noticed because she came over with our check.

She looked at Qua’s plate and noticed that it was literally licked clean.

“Wow, you were hungry weren’t you?” She asked before giggling. She was really pretty. She had smooth golden brown skin, a fresh blowout with big bouncy curls, and a nice body that her clothes couldn’t hide. I knew Qua was about to get her. I’d be mad if he didnt.

“Hell yea, I was starving. Y'all hit the spot every time I come here.” He laughed as he looked up at her. He started staring at her, and I knew he was feeling her.

“Let me see that.” He said, referring to the notepad she had. She looked at him confusingly as she gave it to him. Writing his number down on it, he slid it back to her and put a hundred dollar bill on the table.

“Keep the change,” he winked at her as we both walked towards the exit. Holding the door open for me, I noticed that it was cold.

“Aye, you coming? Cause my phone dead, and if you change yo mind I can’t come back lil mama.” Quavo asked as he walked to his bright yellow Lambo. Shaking my head no, he scrunched up his face. “Boo, you whore.” He stuck his tongue out at me before getting head first in the car. His long cinnamon stick looking ass always got in the car like that. Looking stupid.

“Call me whenever you get home, aight?” He told me as he let his window down after starting his car. Nodding, he was gone within a second. He must be going to see a hoe. That’s the only time he was ever in a rush to go some where.

He tried to act all tough sometimes, but deep down.. he was really sweet and it was cute. He hated when I told him that.

Realizing that O was out of fucking town, I palmed myself in the head. I was gonna ask him to take me home, but that’s not even an option. Let me see if Qua will answer.

“Please leave your message for..”

I huffed as I tried to call Qua again but it went straight to voicemail. I forgot that his phone was dead before he left. Fuck, I should’ve left with him when he asked.

There was only one person left, and I didn’t wanna call him at all. The last time we talked it didn’t go so well. You know he’s an asshole.

Rolling my eyes as I clicked into the Uber app, I booked a ride. It should be here in about 10 minutes. I really didn’t feel like sitting in the car with a stranger, but I rather do that than walk.

I was knocked out of my thoughts when a car sped up to me honking it’s horn like 5 times until I looked up. What an asshole.

Scrunching up my face, I grabbed my purse and made my way into the “You bout slow as hell Grandma.” He rudely greeted me.

“If I recall, I don’t think I asked for your two cents.” I rolled my eyes as I put on my seatbelt. This nigga was driving pretty reckless.

“Oh but I gave them to you, so shut up.” He retorted back. I really wasn’t in the mood for an argument but he was pushing it.

“You shut up, you’re supposed to be focusing on the road anyway, piece of shit. You ain’t getting paid to ta-”

“Blahhhhhh.” He cut me off and I swear to god I wanted to just clock him in the fucking face. I hated when people cut me off, that was so rude.

The guy took his hat off, and I swear I was about to get out the car when I realized who it was. I should’ve fucking known. Who else always has this funky ass attitude?

“Jaylen?” I asked with attitude. He looked over at me before sucking his teeth and scratching through his curls.

“Aw shit. I should’ve known it was your lil trifling ass.” He said as he scrunched up his face. He grabbed a bag of Lays, and opened them before smacking loudly.

“Can you stop smacking? What are you, a cow?”

“Robyn, I’m not fucking playing. If I gotta tell your ass to shut up one more fucking time. I ain’t in the mood, aight? So sit the fuck back and shut the fuck up. You not gone like it if I gotta tell ya ass again foreal, so try me if you want to.” He said aggressively as he pulled over. Not even gonna lie, that shit was kind of sexy. He’s lucky or else I would’ve cursed him out.

For the rest of the ride, it was quiet until Qua text me.

Qua🐭: answer yo fone lil girl 😪

Me: u never called lil boy

Qua🐭: oh shit, well you made it home yet?

Me: no but I’m in the car buddy

Qua🐭: wit who 😑 don’t get fucked up Robyn

Me: geesh O’s homeboy, Jaylen.

Qua🐭: oh ok be careful 💪🏽😘 I love u

Me: gotcha 😘 love u too

Putting my phone away in my purse, I noticed that he had pulled up in a shopping center. Why is he trying me? I just wanted to go home and lay in bed.

“You hungry?” He asked as he pulled into the Raising Canes drive thru. Didn’t he just tell me to shut up?

“Didn’t you just tell me to shut the fuck up?” I asked as he looked at me with a blank face.

“Aight, starve then. I truly don’t give a fuck.” He shrugged as he was about to pull up to the window. I swear my fucking stomach was empty as hell, but fuck him. My stomach was in my ass. But my mouth was watering at the smell of the food..

“Ok! I am!” I confessed as he chuckled. I hate him.

“Yea thought so, lil greedy ass.” He shook his head as I flipped him off.

“Just get me the same thing you got.” I told him as he nodded. Once he ordered my food along with his, he drove up to the window to pay.

“Where yo money?” He asked as I looked at him like he was crazy. He couldn’t be serious. Shaking my head, I grabbed my wallet and started to look for my card. I hated carrying cash.

“Taking too long.” He huffed as he pulled a 20 from his pocket. Well excuse me, bitch.

Once we got the food, he started going to the direction of our destination. I couldn’t wait to get out the car with his punk ass.

“To go alllllll the way.” I sung to the R Kelly that was playing on the radio. While I was singing, I noticed that he kept staring at me.

“Focus on the road.” I rolled my eyes, because I hated when people stared at me. It was one of my biggest pet peeves. It made me uncomfortable.

As he chuckled, he then started shaking his head. By now, we were both singing the song and I noticed that he could actually sing. Really good at that.

I would compliment him, but knowing him, he probably wouldn’t even say thank you.

Once he parked, I silently thanked God because grabbing my stuff and leaving. I wasn’t gonna pay him for that bullshit ass car ride neither. “Um Rob, since you was such in a rush.. your little toy fell out your purse.” I heard Jaylen say. Furrowing my eyebrows as I looked at him, he was pointing to the passenger seat.

My pink dildo that I bought a while back was lying there. Oh God, why was it even in my purse? Someone set me up. “Don’t tell anyone about this.” I told him as I quickly threw it in my purse and walked away quickly.

He had his dumb smirk on his face and I don’t know why. He was probably gonna tell everybody.

Once I got in the house, I cursed to myself realizing that I was alone. I guess I’d just have to sleep with the TV on and with my door locked.

**

Someone kept beating on the door, and it was pissing me off. They were about to see my bad side foreal.

Sucking my teeth as I got out of bed, I swung the door open without looking to see who was there first. “Jaylen, I swear to God.” I close my eyes and counted to ten. I didn’t play about my sleep at all, and I knew he only came here for bullshit.

“Damn, nigga can’t come see you?” He smacked his lips. He was acting as if this was just in the middle of the day.

“Not at 2 in the morning!” I groaned as he started mugging me. He shut the door behind him and went to go lay on the couch.

“You supposed to have my back at all times. I came here cause I couldn’t sleep..” he said as he grabbed my small SpongeBob blanket. I’ve been having that blanket since I was younger. I don’t let anyone use it either, so he’s lucky.

“Jaylen, I’m not Odell.”

“Obviously. My nigga wouldn’t do me like this.” He flicked me off as he got comfortable on the couch. He know his ass was too long for my blanket.

“Well how bout you go call him?” I suggested as he started to stare at me for a while, making me uncomfortable.

“Why you ain’t got no man?” He asked as I rolled my eyes. If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me that..

“Cause I don’t got time for one.” I told the truth. The last time I had a boyfriend was in High School and I got played. Nobody has time to be going back down the road again.

“What you do foreal though?” He asked as I scrunched up my face. He be the main one that gets an attitude when I ask him questions. Why he so happy and energetic now?

“Handle business.”

“I know that line, you can’t play me. I sold dope before, too.” He smirked. Boy was he wrong. I’d never do that after seeing what my dad went through.

“Good for you.” I smiled as I sat next to him and got under the blanket. It was always hella cold in here.

“How exactly did ya parents die?” He asked as I opened my eyes. He’s catching me off guard with these questions.

“Long story..” I sighed as he looked at me waiting for me to go on.

“Well.. my daddy never really had a real job so of course he was a drug dealer. My mother didn’t like that at all, but she loved him. She gave up everything to be with him. Her family disowned her because of him, so she literally had no one but him. He stayed loyal to her and always made sure she was straight. She never had to worry about anything. Fast forward a few years after they had me, he ended up going to jail because he got set up by the dudes that always had beef with him. He ended up doing 8 years. It was supposed to be 10, but they let him off early. I’m guessing when he had finally got out, he ended up killing the dudes who snitched and that started a big war. We stayed in the house all the time. I couldn’t even go to school sometimes, because it was that serious.” I explained as I stopped to put my head in my hands. The story was about to get real.

“Damn..” I heard Jaylen mumble.

*Flashback*

Christmas Day

Knocking on my parents’ door, I waited until they told me I could come in. You never knew what you were gonna see walking into their room. “Rob you can come in, we ain’t doin’ nothing.” I heard my dad laugh causing me to playfully roll my eyes.

I wanted to make them feel special today so for starters, I made them a big breakfast. They could eat for days. “Robyn, you didn’t have to..” my mom gasped as she sat up in the bed. She had on her silk Versace robe, a fresh face, and her natural hair was slicked back into a poofy ponytail. She was so beautiful, she didnt even need makeup. She was 33, but she ain’t look a day over 25 I swear. My daddy was a really lucky man.

My mom was one of those cool yet strict moms. If that makes sense. She’s literally my best friend. She was so warm hearted and welcoming. She was honestly kind to everyone unless you pissed her off. That was a whole different story.

“Yes you did, a nigga starving. What you whip up?” He sat up, rubbing his hands like Birdman. This guy..

My daddy was a straight clown. He was always cracking jokes or talking about somebody. Of course everyone knew who he was and he was well respected. Everyone knew he was about his business. He may joke around a lot, but he didn’t play when it came to his money or his family. Even though I don’t like what he does, I can’t even deny that he takes good care of us. He tries to spend as much time with us as he can, and he always makes sure we’re straight.

“Not no crack.” I joked as he sucked his teeth.

“I love you daddy.” I smiled innocently as I brought the tray of food to them. My dad immediately dug in.

“Kasey, save some for me.” My mom shook her head as my dad mugged her. He hated when she called him by his real name. He lets her slide sometimes.

“Come chill wit us before you open ya shit.” My dad said as he moved over and made a space between him and my mom.

There was a new Benz outside, and I knew it was mines cause I had been begging them to buy me a car. I was just gonna pretend like I didn’t know, anyways.

Smiling, I climbed in between them before turning on the TV. Shrek was playing, and I cheesed because this was one of our favorite movies.

“I love you guys..” I told them as I pulled them into a group hug. The movie had went on commercial and they were about done with their food.

“We love you too baby girl.” My mom assured me as she pinched my nose.

“Ay, since the year is about to be over.. I decided to quit this trap shit. Shit’s been getting hella dangerous lately, and I’d deadass be a fucking idiot to still put y'all through that. We done been through a lot and I love both of y'all, and I just want us all to be safe.” He confessed as a smile spread across my face. The fact that he was finally quitting was big. He had been saying he was gonna quit for years.

“Baby, I’m so glad you’ve made that decision, because I have a surprise too.” My mom said, flashing her pearly whites.

“What is it?” He asked, as I looked at her confusingly. My mom was crazy with surprises, so I wonder what it was too. I wouldn’t be surprised if she said she bought a giraffe.

A few seconds later, my mom untied her robe and revealed her mini baby bump. “Dawg, I knew you was pregnant! I didn’t say nuffin’ cause I thought you was just gaining weight!” My dad jumped up excitedly. My dad and I had been on my mother’s ass about having another baby. I was just as excitedly as him. I’ve been dying to have another sibling. I get lonely around here sometimes.

Just as I thought I could celebrate with them, some men busted through the room with mask and started bussing with no hesitation. As many times as they were shooting, you would’ve thought it was the Fourth of July. I just knew someone was dead. Now I see why my dad always kept a gun with him at all times. He even took it with him just to go use the bathroom sometimes.

I couldn’t move. I was traumatized. “Rob, watch out!” I heard my Dad yell as he jumped on top of me. A few seconds later, the gunshots stopped and I heard the men rush out of the house.

“Daddy,” I mumbled as I struggled to get from under him. When I realized he didn’t reply, I quickly got up and realized that he had been shot to death. He was bleeding like crazy.

“Daddy please!” I shook him as tears were streaming down my cheeks. He couldn’t die on me.. he couldn’t..

“Mommy!” I yelled out realizing that I didn’t hear her angelic voice. She was coughing uncontrollably as she held onto her stomach, which was covered in bullet holes. “Mommy, please stay up! I’m gonna get some help!” I cried as her eyes started to get lower. It’s like she was trying to talk, but she couldn’t.

Quickly grabbing my dad’s phone off the nightstand, I dialed 911.

*Flashback Over*

“Damn.. I bet you took that hard.”

“I did. My parents were literally all I had besides Odell. I couldn’t stand to be there anymore and I didn’t want to be put in foster care so I just left. I felt really bad for not telling O, but I just had to leave. They didn’t deserve that at all.. My mother was so sweet and she literally wouldn’t hurt a fly. My dad may have did some fucked up shit to people, but he was really trying to turn his life around..” I sighed, getting in my feelings a little. I think about my parents everyday. They’d be so proud of me right now. They didn’t even get to see me graduate..

“I’m sure Odell understood..” he grabbed my hand.

“Yea.. now it’s your turn since you made me bring up such a dark memory.”

“Aight.. uhh,” he started off as he sighed before clearing his throat.

“I was hardheaded as shit during my teen years. I used to get into all kinds of trouble, because I wanted to fit in so bad. Looking back on that shit, I really regret it.” He laughed as he shook his head.

“Anyways.. I had gotten suspended for fighting for like the 100th time so my mom was pretty pissed about that. There was this bomb ass party coming up that everybody was going to, and I wanted to go but she said I couldn’t cause she was tired of letting me slide whenever I got in trouble. Me being the hard head kid I was, I snuck out. In the middle of the party, she kept calling me so I just turned my phone off cause I didn’t feel like hearing her yell at me.” He explained as I looked up to see tears falling down his cheeks. Rubbing his back, he continued.

“So the party ends, I was about to go home with my ex. As we driving to her house, my pops was calling me nonstop, so I finally answered. I thought he was gone fuss at me, but I just heard him balling his eyes out and he never cries so I knew some shit was up. As he telling me everything, we still in the car and I seen a shit load of ambulances and cops on the freeway. I get out the car and see that’s it’s my fucking mom..”

“She died stressing over me Rob.. she was always there for me. She never let me down.. yet I was always being a fucking dumbass. I always let her down, constantly getting in trouble. If I would’ve just stayed home like she asked, she’d still be here. My dad said she was on the phone with him crying because she couldn’t find me and he heard her crash and everything.. I still feel like a dick til this day.” He sobbed as he layed his head on my chest.

“Jaylen.. in life we do some things that we wish we hadn’t done. Some things we wish we could replay a million times, but we learn from those things.” I assured him. I know what I said wouldn’t stop the way he was feeling, but I still wanted him to know that.

Nodding, he started to speak again as he wiped his tears. Wrapping my arms around him, he was now between my legs. “Don’t fucking tell anybody you seen me cry.” He sniffled causing me to chuckle. This was like the second time I seen him cry.

“You got it.”

“Thanks.. for everything.” He looked up at me smiling.

“You’re welcome, meany.” I smiled as I embraced his tall ass in a hug. “You gone make me rip them pants off you..” he said as he gripped my ass in hands. Slapping them away, I chuckled at him. I had on those spandex pants that every guy loved.

“Yo big ass ears come in handy, you a good listener.” He somewhat complimented as I laughed.

Crashing his lips into mine, I wanted to pull away but the other part of me was saying Bitch hop on that dick.

His hands were roaming around my body, and I didn’t even stop him. I was too into this. I was gonna stop him if he got too carried away though. My virgin ass would fuck around and get his hopes up kissing for 2 hours.

My thoughts were broken when I felt him slide his hand in panties. He started massaging my clit while he sucked on my neck, and I couldn’t help but moan. Just when things were about to get juicy, I didn’t want this to go any further so I stopped him.

“Damn Rob, what’s wrong?” He asked as I ignored him. I could hence the attitude in his voice but I don’t care. I know he didn’t think I was about to let him hit.

Getting up from my bed, I looked in my swim suit drawer and grabbed a one piece. I wanted to get in the jacuzzi out back. “Wanna join?” I asked Jaylen as he looked up from his phone to me.

“No, think Ima go home..” he said as he looked back down at his phone. What a typical fuckboy.. Didn’t get what he wanted, so now he’s salty.

Shrugging my shoulders, I grabbed my beats pill and made my way to the jacuzzi. Wanting to listen to some old R&B, I opened the Spotify app and clicked on Keyshia Cole and Monica’s Trust.

Smiling once everything was complete, I stepped in the jacuzzi and relaxed. My body was so tense and this felt so soothing.

Feeling some arms wrap around my waist, I rolled my eyes because I knew it was Jaylen. “What?” I asked as I sighed.

“Shut up..” he mumbled as I scrunched up my face.

“I-I’m s-sorry- I can’t do this.” He sighed as he attempted to apologize. I could tell he wasn’t used to apologizing, and it was funny but sad.

“Just say it Jaylen, it’s not as hard as you’re making it.”

“I’m… sorry for what just happened, aight? I ain’t mean to be a bitch about it.” He admitted as I smiled because I knew he was trying and that was the best he could come up with.

“I have to teach you a lot..” I laughed as a smile slowly crept on his face.

                                                       Jaylen

Setting my phone down on the shelf in the shower, I started to read the comments that were on my live. I hardly get on ig, but when I heard you could go live now I decided to try this shit out. I don’t be having shit else to do.

“How’d you get your hair so curly?” I read one of the comments. Sucking my teeth, I scrunched up my face afterwards. I hated when hoes asked dumb questions. That’s like asking, “How’d you get your shirt so clean?” Bitch, the washer.

“Water, dumb ass.” I said as laughing emojis started appearing all in the comments.

I was playing music from my business phone, and when my song came on I couldn’t help but to dance. I guess I had got a little carried away because my personal phone that I was recording wit had fell and my dick was all in the camera. I started to panic, but then realized that it was already too late so I didn’t give a fuck no more.

As I picked up my phone, all I seen in the comments were the eye emojis. “Issa dick.” I laughed before ending the live. Now there was gonna be thousands of screenshots in my tags. This why I don’t fuck wit ig now.

Just as I stepped out the shower, my phone went off indicating that I had a message. I checked my lock screen and realized it was Robyn.

Robyn🌸: you just love showing your private parts don’t u 🙄

Me: wym 🤔

Robyn🌸: boy all I see down my TL is screenshots of your vienna

Me: oh, that? Don’t mind me 😌

I seen her typing for a longtime, but then she stopped so I just assumed she was busy.

Since she was taking too long to reply, I debated on sending another text. I wasn’t the type that was scared to double text. I text in multiple sentences anyways.

Me: come over

I sent the message and tossed my phone on my bed. After making sure my hygiene was taken care of, I slid on some basketball shorts not bothering to put on a shirt. It was too hot for a shirt.

I went in the kitchen to grab a snack, and that’s when I heard my front door open then close. I peeked around the corner only to see Rob.

“Girl you scared me..” I laughed

“Good, you need to start locking your door.” She said as she locked the door for me. I hated locked doors.

“Where ya car at shawty?” I chuckled realizing that I ain’t seen her in her car since the day I first met her. She was always riding with O or Winter some where.

“It’s fucked, it won’t start.” She shrugged. I don’t know why her dumb ass just didn’t take it to the shop.

“I can fix it.” I blurted out. Well, my uncle taught me a lil shit about cars so everything should work out fine. I know what I’m doing. I think..

“Really?” She gasped as a smile spreaded across her face.

“Yeaaa..” I gave her an assuring smile.

**

“Jaylen!” I heard shawty yell from outside. She was yelling like I stabbed her or some shit. She ain’t have to do allat, she scared the shit out of me.

“What did you do to my car?!” She yelled out as I looked down at my feet before scratching my head. I didn’t even know how to fix cars, I was just being nice. Every nigga knows how to fix a car though, right?

“Huh? I fixed it like you wanted me to..” I played dumb. It’s like her car started falling apart.

“Jaylen!! If you don’t fix this, I swear!” She scrunched up her lips as she threatened me, while I held in my laughter.

“It’s not funny! My parents gave me this car for Christmas before they died!” She yelled as she stormed off. Immediately, my grin turned into a frown. Now I felt like a straight dick.

“Fuck.” I mumbled to myself as I ran after her. It looked like she was going back to her and O’s place. Once I got there, the door was unlocked so I went in. There she was, lying down on the couch.

“Rob..” I called out as she ignored me. Sighing, I made my way over to her and kneeled down beside the couch.

“Robyn, I’m sorry.” I apologized as she just stared at the ceiling. I could tell she wanted to slap the shit out of me, because her little nostrils were flaring. I didn’t blame her, cause let a motherfucker destroy some shit my mom gave me, they’d be dead.

“Robbbbbbb!” I sang as I hovered over and started tickling her. She wasn’t even fighting back, she was just staring at the ceiling. Realizing that she wanted her space, I just took that as my que to leave.

Going back to my place, I turned on some music so that I could finish my painting.

“Even when your hustling days are gone..” I sang to myself as brought of my cans of paint. Everybody that knew me, knew this was my fucking shit. That song is the damn truth.

Shaking the can of paint a little harder, I groaned realizing that there was no more left. I swear, it’s like as soon as I buy paint it’s literally gone like the same day. I could paint for hours nonstop.

I didn’t have to eat, go take a piss, check my phone, none of that. Just painting. Okay well, I did have to stop and eat here and there but you get the point.

Painting was like my first love. It never disappoints me. I used to paint with my mama all the time. Whenever I’m feeling some type of way, painting stops that. It’s like all my feelings and problems go away. Shit, I block out the whole damn world.

After praying with ole girl for the past few weeks, I just felt really inspired I guess. When I’m inspired, nobody could tell me shit. I just let my paintings do the talking.

Just when I was about fuck it up on this painting, my phone started ringing. Sucking my teeth, I picked it up and seen Robyn’s name.

“Hey, you coming thru tonight?” I smiled through the phone, remembering what she said the last time she was here. She said the next time she came, we could do something different. Usually, she’d come to my crib and she’d just get me to express how I felt and put it in a prayer. A nigga was actually looking forward to this shit.  Ever since shawty been helping me, it’s like I’m starting to have a more positive attitude. And that’s…. good I guess?

“Sorry Jaylen, I forgot to tell you I’m going out tonight.” She apologized as I felt like I was being slapped in the face. This why I don’t get too comfortable with people. This is exactly fucking why.

“Oh.. Ight.” I replied, not really interested in this phone call anymore. Hoe wasting my data.

“Yea, maybe n-” she stared to say as I hung up. Maybe next time my ass. She got me fucked up. I’m not a fucking second choice bitch, I’m Jaylen.

This why a nigga got major trust issues now like seriously. I had no problem wit ole girl going out partying or whatever. Dat ain’t my fucking business. She could go get a train ran on her for all I care.

I’m mad because SHE told me, “Hey Jaylen, I think this is pretty dope what we’ve been doing but how about we just chill on Saturday? Like hang out.. you deserve it.” Like why would you volunteer to do something if you know you not gone do it? That’s that shit I be talkin bout.

Then the fact that some clients of mine asked wanted me to paint today, and I told them I couldn’t just because I wanted to chill wit her. Fuck around and lost thousands of dollars messing around with her ass. Possibly millions.

You know what? Fuck her. I don’t know why I got my bitch ass hopes up anyways. I’m used to shit like this. And people wonder why I act the way I do.. Fuck outta here.

I feel like choking a squirrel right now.

**

It was Sunday afternoon and I’ve yet to still hear from O’s mad ass. I would go over but I didn’t wanna see Robyn. Oh well, I’ll just pretend her ass is Casper.

As I opened my door, I seen Robyn getting off the elevator in a soaked red dress with her makeup running down her face. She also had parts of her dress ripped. She made eye contact with me and I could see the anger in her eyes. She threw her wet purse at me.

“Do I look like a fucking trash can to you, you fucking wet dog?!” I snapped as she pushed past me and stopped in front of O’s door before going in.

“O!” I called out but didn’t get an answer.

Walking towards the back to his room, the door was closed and I heard Jam by Kevin Gates blaring which let me know Winter was in there. He ain’t never close his door, his pussy ass was too scary.

“O!” I yelled louder as I knocked on the door.

“What?!” I heard him yell behind the door. It sounded like he was sleep so I just left him alone. I had left my pineapple over here anyways, so let me go cut it up while I got it.

As I got done cutting up the pineapple, I took a few pieces with me in the living room. When I got in there, I noticed Rob sitting on the couch watching Tarzan. She looked refreshed like she just got out of the shower and washed her face.

She noticed I was looking at her, so she looked up at me before rolling her eyes.

“Why you play me like that?” I asked as I plopped down on the couch next her. Why she have to be so damn pretty? She looked like a pretty parrot. Which was a good thing..

“Like what?” Her soft, innocent voice filled the room. She knew what she was doing. She sounded like Isabella from Phineas and Ferb. I could never yell at her ass.

“Come on Rob, you know my trust issues fucked up and you stood me up when I was really looking forward to chillin’ wit yo ass.” I stated while staring at her.

“Jaylen,” she started off but she paused to sigh. “I’m really sorry for that, I had forgot that I made plans with someone else before I told you that. I’ll make it up to you.” She attempted to apologize. That weak ass apology..

“Don’t even worry bout it. Why would I set myself up for you to play me again?” I mumbled as I pulled the blunt I had rolled earlier from behind me ear. I set myself up by even talking to her.

“Give me that. You always smoking or drinking Hennessy.” She said, snatching the blunt out of my hand. You can get killed for shit like that.

“Cause when I use it, ion feel shit and that’s how I like it. I ain’t feeling all this sensitive shit I been on lately.” I explained as I ate a piece of pineapple.

“No.. were not gonna use it tonight. We’re gonna talk.” She said making me think about the last time she was here. I got her to smoke with me, and it was her first time. Shit was hilarious.

“We ain’t got nothin’ to talk about. You played me and that was that.” I spat as she sighed stressfully.

“We can talk about that car you were supposed to buy me..” she said as I looked over at her remembering that I had bought her a car. I just didn’t tell her yet, cause she had pissed me off.

“Follow me.” I told her as I got up and grabbed the keys to the new car. Once we got on the elevator, I looked at her and noticed how confused she look.

“Close your big ass eyes.” I told her as I led her outside towards the parking lot. Once we reached her new form of transportation, I told her that she could open her eyes.

“Really, you bought me a bike?” She said as her smile fell. I knew she was pissed.

“Yea, it goes real fast.” I stated as she reached her hand back to slap me before I caught it. I knew she was about to slap the dog shit outta me.

“I’m fucking wit you, this you right here.” I laughed at her as I led her to her new 2017 Range Rover Evoque. She been doing something special for me, so it was only right for me to do this.

“SHUT UP!” She screamed as she felt around the car in excitement. She was jumping up and down like a little kid.

“I ain’t say nothing shawty..” I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

“Omg Jaylen! How do I repay you?!” She asked as she embraced me in a big hug. Pussy.. I thought to myself.

“Ain’t no repaying shawty, you helped me out with my problems so this just a gift.” I smiled down at her as she took the keys and got in the car.

“I’ll drive it later, my feet are hurting but thank you so much!” She said as she started jumping to give me kisses on the cheek.

Dodging all of them, I started to walk back up to my place as she followed. I knew she was happy as shit.

“Damn, my hair getting crazy.” I mumbled to myself as I twisted some of the curls in my mini fro. I didn’t know how to feel about this yet. I ain’t never grew my hair out this much.

“It’s cute on you.” I heard her say as she walked in the bathroom to grab some lotion.

I had something she could use that lotion for..

“Who asked you? Big head.” I joked as she rolled her eyes. Something I was gone make her stop doing, cause I hated that shit. I found it disrespectful.

“I just lost my damn appetite..” She mumbled to herself furrowing her eyebrows. Just as I was about to say something, she was bent over throwing up all over the floor in no time.

“ROB!” I screamed at her. Not on my fucking floor dawg. I just got these floors done, I swear it took everything in me not to strangle her ass.

“I’m sorry, I’ll clean it up right now.” She said before coughing over the toilet. In no time, her face started turning red. Sighing, I walked over to her and held her hair up for her while she continued to throw up.

“You sick?” I asked as I felt her forehead. Her forehead was mad hot. “Go lay down, you got a fever.” I cleared my throat as I thought of how I was gone clean this shit up. I hated the sight of vomit.

Getting out some cleaning spray, I got out some paper towels and cleaned up the mess while holding my nose. Once I was done, I went over the spot with a disinfectant wipe just to be more clean.

Trashing everything, I washed my hands and looked in the medicine cabinet to see if I had anything for Rob. Only thing I thought would help was Benadryl so I grabbed that.

“Here.” I told her as I sat beside her on the bed and grabbed my water bottle that was on the night stand.

“Ew, I don’t know where your mouth been Jaylen.” She scrunched up her face, making me laugh.

“My mouth don’t be no where I don’t kiss these hoes.” I stated truthfully. What kind of nigga would I be if I went around here kissing these bitches? That’s unsanitary.

Hesitating, she took the pills and drank from the water bottle anyway. “Thanks.” She mumbled as she wiped her mouth.

It’s weird as hell doing all this nice shit.. but I think I could get used to it.

[bentdownspoon]

Tour// Youtuber!You/5H

Lol I couldn’t help but put that last one it is hilarious. 

"Well hello internet, welcome back to Sunday Fun Day," you wave at the camera, sitting on your bed, "I know you're all probably wondering why I'm on my bed and not in my office and the answer is...well I was just too lazy to leave my room!"

You shrug, grinning at the camera, "I'm filming this on a Saturday because by the time you see this, it will be Sunday but I'll be too busy filming for my main channel to actually vlog. Things are about to get really crazy on that channel and I need to prepare everything in advance!"

You reach over and grab the black beanie sitting to your left with a grin, and put it on, "by the way, how cute is this fucking beanie? Lolo gave it to me yesterday before the girls left for tour," you pout at the camera, "I miss them already!"

With a sigh you get back to the point of the video, "so, as you guys already know, my beautiful, talented, sexy, amazing...what was I talking about again," you trail off, thinking about the girls.

"Oh, right! My girlfriends are starting girlfriend on Monday, and I'm gonna miss them so fucking much," you sigh, before grinning again, "or, I would be missing them if I wasn't going on tour with them! Soo...this is basically the big surprise I've been dying to tell you guys! My manager had to work a lot of stuff out, and then there was the whole travel situation and blah, blah, blah more adult stuff. But, everything was finalized last night, and I'll be catching a flight Sunday morning to meet them."

You bounce a little on the bed, your smile wide from happiness, "Just two more days and I get to cuddle with the hottest girls ever. It's ok, you're allowed to be jealous."

You grab the camera and start walking from your bedroom, "in the meantime, I'm gonna be hanging with a few Youtuber friends that are in town so you should enjoy that at least. I know you're all excited about seeing the girls and everything, so be sure to subscribe to my main channel and this channel for updates daily! Love you guys!"

You turn off the camera, and get put it in your office. After making sure you have everything set up for when people come over, you head upstairs to take a shower and get dressed. Since there was a chance you might be going out you decided on something casual but still pretty hot. You don't usually dress to impress, but when you do, you go all out!

In the end you decided on a white crop top that showed off the abs you spent countless hours in the gym to get, low ride black skinny jeans that showed off the V-line that had people drooling over you with a black and red flannel tied around your waist and some black combat boots. For your hair, you decided to leave it long and wavy, not wanting to spend an hour straightening it. To finish off the whole look, you decided to wear a red snapback Dinah gave you for your birthday. Glancing at yourself in your full sized mirror you gave yourself a nod of approval.

It was still odd to think that before you met the girls you were so insecure about your looks. Everything changed whwn they came along, and now you know you look good, but you're not cocky about it! You took a few selfies and picked the best one to post on Twitter.

@(Y/T/H): Baby I'm worth it *insert selfie here*

Immediately people started retweeting and favoriting the picture, and you laughed when you saw that the girls had tweeted you about the picture.

@dinahjane97: DAAAAAMMMNNNNN @(Y/T/H) YOU LOOK HOT AS EFF

@NormaniKordei: That is so not fair @(Y/T/H)! Where was that outfit yesterday when you were with me?

@camilacabello97: Holy bananas! I call dibs on first kiss when @(Y/T/H) gets here!

@(Y/T/H): There's plenty of me to go around babe.

You closed the twitter app, laughing to yourself as you heard the front door. Scooting along the wooden floors on you socks, you oppened the door to see your favorite person ever Jenna Marbles.

"Jensters! Catch me," you yell, jumping into her arms with your legs wrapped around her waist.

Behind you, her boyfriend Juilen is filming you both with his phone, "see? Every time these two get together I know they're having a love affair. They don't even try to hide it!"

"You're just jealous because I gave your girlfriend lady wood," you grin at Juilen and stick your tongue out at his camera.

"It's so true," Jenna turns to face the camera, meaning that they can only see your back and ass as she holds you up, "I have the biggest boner right now. I mean look at dat ass!"

"It is a nice ass," Juilen agrees with a shrug, as you finally get down.

"Ok, I'm done. Jenna's dick was getting annoying while it poked me," you winked at the camera, before grabbing your own.

"Ok guys so Jenna and Juilen are here, and as you can see, they are both already being idiots," you turn the camera to show Jenna sitting on the couch with Juilen on his knees begging her for something.

"Please don't do this Jenna! I know (Y/N) is the hottest person alive, but don't leave me for her," He begs, holding her foot.

"I'm sorry Juilen, but no one gets my dick harder than (Y/N)," Jenna says dramatically, "It's not you, It's my dick."

"You said dick like a million times since you've been here," you turn the camera back to yourself, "which by the way is about 3 minutes."

"You know you like this girl," Jenna said with a fake thug accent, puckering her lips.

"Um....so anyway," you change the subject.

"OHHH REJECTED," Juilen yells, "IN YO FACE JENNA!"

"I'm surrounded by fools," I sigh, shaking my head.

You stopped filming for a while and soon after Lily Singh and Tyler Oakley showed up. You guys were all cuddled up on the couch, when Jenna decided it was a good idea to eat grapes out of your belly button after realizing it was the perfect size to hold a grape. Juilen took your camera and started filming you guys.

"So this is what happens when Youtubers get together," he points the camera at you, "Jenna is eating grapes out of (Y/N) belly button and Lily and Tyler are feeding her grapes like she's some Greek Goddes."

"Don't be jealous, Juilen, cuz I gets all the bitches!"

"You better not let your girlfriends hear you say that," Tyler laughs, taking your grape and eating it.

"Pfft they know I'm joking," you roll your eyes, going back to the movie.

A bit later, while everything had calmed down, you were all editing on your laptops and realized that you had enough footage left over to post this Vlog today and one for tomorrow and Monday. With a shrug, you finish editing and decide to post it tomorrow just in case you need the extra footage and went to sleep.

######

The next morning you woke to Jenna sitting on you, "wake the fuck up and look at this!"

"Fuck you," you mumbled, rolling over.

"I'm serious, look at this puppy it's so cute oh my god," she shoved the phone in your face.

"Jenna, please get your phone out of my face it smells like vegan bacon and it's making me sick," you grumble, turning away.

"Don't hate on the vegan bacon," she sassed, before shaking you again, "come on, we already put your bags in the car. Don't you wanna see your baes?"

"Yes," you pout, opening your eyes to look at her, "carry me?"

"Uh, no! Hurry up," she shoves you, getting up from the bed.

######

"Ok so I'm getting ready to head to the airport, and Jenna and Lily are gonna take me and then I'm letting them use my car and place while I'm gone," you yawn, getting into the passenger seat.

"Hey guys," Lily smiled from the back seat.

"I just texted the girls, and let them know I'm on the way," you grin, "we're gonna do a prank on Camila and tell her that my flight was delayed by 12 hours. I just texted her and she sent me crying banana emoji that I had no idea existed."

"Girl, she gonna kill you," Lily laughed, "film it!"

"Oh sure, I'll totally film my girlfriend murdering me. Totally."

"I'd watch it," Jenna smirked.

"You would," you glare at her, "anyway I'll see you guys later, love you!"

######

"Boo!"

You felt Dinah jump into your arms, and you immediately held onto her before she fell, "hi, baby."

"I missed you," she grinned, pulling you in for a kiss.

"You saw her yesterday," Lauren rolled her eyes, "now move so I can have my kiss."

"Be nice," you grinned, letting Dinah down so that you could give Lauren a kiss.

She wrapped her arms around your neck and pulled you down for a deep kiss. You groaned at the feel of her lips and pulled her body closer to yours. Before you could deepen the kiss, you felt something cold and wet being tossed on you. You pulled away with a gasp to see Ally flinging water on you from a bottle labeled 'Holy Water'.

"In the name of The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit," she yelled, "forgive them for their sins for they know not what they do, Jesus!"

"Ally what the fuck," you ask, completely shocked.

"Dawg she got legit holy water," Dinah laughed, pointing at Ally as Normani held her up.

"Sorry?"

Ally bit her lip, batting her eyelashes at you as she gave you her best puppy dog eyes. You groan, looking away from her stare as you attempted to remain even a little angry. You failed, of course. It's Ally.

"I can't believe you did that! I just got my hair done," Lauren glared at her, and Ally hid behind Dinah, who was still laughing.

"Calm down, Lo. We'll get her back later," you promise, walking over to Normani and Dinah.

"Hey pretty girl," you lean in and give Normani a kiss, and drop a quick one on Ally's lips.

"Shit, I forgot to-"

"Guys, where did you all go- Baby?"

Everyone turns to see Camila enter the room, her eyes red and puffy, with the stuffed banana you gave her cuddled in her arms. Her eyes were wide as she realized that you were here, before she dropped the banana and jumped into your arms. She was more lightweight than Dinah, but the force of her slamming into you nearly made you fall.

"I missed you, I missed you, I missed you," she mumbled over and over, placing kisses all over your face.

"Hey, I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere," you give her a proper kiss, "why were you crying?"

"Because you said you weren't gonna be here until basically tomorrow! You lied to me, you puta!"

She playfully smacked your arm, glaring at you. Behind you, you see Normani filming everything with her phone, which makes you smile. She knows that you like to vlog everything and you still haven't taken your camera from it's bag yet.

"I'm sorry, it was a prank! It was Dinah's idea," you blame everything on Dinah, who glares at you.

"Bitch what," she glares, crossing her arms.

"Language!"

She turns her glare on to Ally, who is still hiding behind her. Ally offers her a sheepish grin, kissing her cheek in apology.

"You betta run, (Y/N)," Normani cautions, as she sees Dinah glaring at you with Camila.

You take off running down the hall, laughing as you hear them following behind you.

######

"(Y/N) what the hell is this?"

"Lauren, watch your mouth-" Ally walks into the living area of the hotel, before looking at her laptop, "what the hell is this?!"

"What are you," you glance at the laptop and see a picture of you and Jenna in a very...compromising position, "oooh. That..."

"Oh that? What the fuck is this," Lauren glares at you.

"It's not what it looks like?"

"It looks like I'm gonna have to give Jenna a Poly Beatdown for putting her lips on my girl's body," Dinah comes into the room with a glare and her cellphone.

"She was just eating grapes out of my belly button," you defend yourself, "ok that sounds bad."

"Is that what you want," Camila questions, coming into the room with Normani, "is it because she likes grapes? I can't help my love for bananas, and I love you almost as much as I love bananas!"

"Mila, what...you know what, ignore her," Normani give Camila an odd look, "I'm more worried about that bitch putting her lips on my boo."

You look around, realizing you're surrounded, "fuck."

[solohux]

for the anon who wanted some fox hux angst (specifically something featuring arguing and self-consciousness). I hope you like this! ✨

Kylo paces the length of his apartment, eyes flicking to the clock on the mantelpiece each time he passes it. He rubs his hands down his face with a conflicted groan, seeing that another hour has passed since Hux went out to hunt. It’s been four hours collectively, each hour passing slower than the previous, leaving Kylo worried about his fox’s whereabouts. Hux never takes more than two hours to gather his own food, eating it as he finds it, maybe even bringing some of the best scraps back to Kylo to share.

He could always go out and look for Hux, but Kylo wouldn’t have any idea where to start. Hux is rogue, changing his hunting route every day to avoid being caught or harmed.

The clock chimes 11pm, and Kylo feels a fresh wave of anxiety consume him. Hux could be seriously injured, lying in a gutter somewhere after being hit by a car—. Kylo huffs, and grabs his coat, determined to find his fox before the night is over.

But as he steps towards the hallway, he hears the catflap—or rather, the foxflap—click open, and the subsequent soft padding of paws on the rug, followed by the quiet howling sounds that Hux makes to announce that he’s home.

Scrunching his nose in anger, Kylo tugs his coat off and throws it aside, waiting for Hux to shift and enter the living room.

“Ren,” Hux says, standing tall in his human body, tugging on his grey hoodie that he keeps by the door to put on when he comes home. “You’re up late—”

“Where the fuck have you been?!” Kylo shouts, and Hux’s ears twitch atop his head, tips pointed in shock. “I was so fucking worried, Hux. I was just about to come out and find you. I thought you were dead!”

Hux stares wide-eyed at Kylo, tail drooped on the floor. But his saddened expression soon drops, as though his instincts to protect himself are rising.

“I can come and go as I please, Kylo,” Hux says, holding his nose in the air, tail suddenly tall and proud. “I told you that I was going out, I didn’t specify how long I’d be.”

Kylo scoffs. “You call me your mate but you’re fine with disappearing for hours without letting me know you’re okay? Sweet.”

“I fail to see what the flavour has to do with anything,” Hux mutters. “I lived on those streets for years before you took me in. I’m capable of looking after myself.”

Hux moves to stride past Kylo, but Kylo grabs his hand and pulls him back, holding the fox’s biceps in his grip to steady him.

“Expect that you’re not,” Kylo says, shouts. “What do you think a wild, urban fox is to the outside world? You could have been attacked by a dog, or caught by pest control? Or hit by a fucking car?!”

“Get off me, Kylo,” Hux growls, pushing Kylo away from him with his hands on his strong chest. “I’m not your pet.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” Kylo shouts, extravagantly gesturing with his hands. “You don’t complain when I’m scratching behind your ears or feeding you grapes.”

Hux visibly twitches at Kylo’s anger, wrapping his tail around his middle for a moment, folding his arms across his chest.

“You don’t even know that I was in my other body when I was out, I could’ve been out like this,” Hux mutters, eyes closed, nose up, determined to fight his corner.

“You definitely wouldn’t have come home if you’d been out like that,” Kylo mutters.

Hux recoils.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.”

“No,” Hux’s voice sounds animalistic, a real growl rather than a word. He steps closer to Kylo, teeth bared. “Tell me what you mean.”

Kylo immediately feels the atmosphere shift around them, the same sort of shift that happens just before Hux changes between forms, but Hux doesn’t change. He stays human, though there’s a new fierce power about his being. Kylo, suddenly on the defensive, swallows hard.

“Just. You’re not human,” he says, unnerved by the fire in Hux’s eyes, and Kylo chastises himself for almost forgetting that Hux is an animal. “They wouldn’t see you as a kitsune. They’d see you as a thing to experiment on.”

Hux huffs, nodding slowly.

“I see. Anything else you’d like to point out?” Hux says, raising his eyebrows, tone still sharp. “Maybe that I don’t belong here? Maybe that you’d rather bed a real human every night rather that a freak you see as a pet.”

“Hux,” Kylo says, cocking his head to the side disappointedly, looking at his fox with sad eyes. “I didn’t mean it like that and you know it.”

Kylo reaches out, wanting to touch Hux, to pet him—

“Don’t,” Hux barks, stepping back. “Don’t touch me. Don’t you dare, Kylo. I thought you were different, that’s why I stayed, why I let you see my other body, why I chose you—.”

The fox flattens his palm against his chest and sighs, legs wobbling as he closes his eyes, as though physically hurt by something that Kylo can’t see.

“Armitage, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that,” Kylo begs. “I’m your mate, aren’t I?”

Hux opens his eyes slowly, his ears drooping for the first time since they’d begun this argument, and Kylo knows that Hux’s anger has dissipated into sadness; his ears droop when he’s sad, and for nothing else.

“You were.” Hux looks up at Kylo, green eyes looking lost, looking even more upset than when Kylo had first found him as an injured little fox on the side of the road and brought him home. “Now I’m not so sure.”

The genuine disdain and confusion in Hux’s tone startles Kylo to his core, bringing a cold fear to his chest that Hux may leave. True to Kylo’s thoughts, Hux gives a final groan of frustration before pushing past Kylo—only, he heads into the bathroom and slams the door closed rather than heading to the front door like Kylo had expected.

As though Hux hears Kylo’s approaching footsteps, he locks the door, and the shower is suddenly turned on at full blast. Content that the bathroom window isn’t big enough for Hux to fit through even in his animal form, Kylo flops down onto the floor, back resting against the couch, and exhales.

Hux likes to take showers or baths when he’s stressed; he’d explained to Kylo one stormy night that it’s something his mother used to do when he was a pup. She’d find a perfect spot by their forest home and take the boy onto her lap and groom him until his hair was perfect and his tail was the bushiest of all the woodland creatures. He and his siblings would play in the river, splashing each other, laughing as though nothing existed outside of their secret home deep in the woods.

Kylo daydreams, words spinning around in his mind, wondering what he could possibly say to his fox to make up for his behaviour. But before he can come up with anything concrete, the shower is turned off and Kylo stands up abruptly, standing opposite the bathroom door, breathing heavily.

The door opens slowly after a few minutes, and his hearts stops.

Hux…looks different. He’s dressed in a pair of tight grey trousers and a blank sleeveless shirt, his hands twisting awkwardly in the hem of the shirt, gaze on the floor. His short hair is styled differently, messier, damp from his shower. But Kylo can only focus on his head. His ears, his fox ears, no longer sit proudly atop his head, and his bright bushy tail no longer swishes behind him expressively. He looks…entirely human.

“Hux…what have you done?” Kylo gasps, stepping forward slowly, fearing that his fox has done something completely irreversible.

“Wait,” Hux says, eyes still downcast. “Stop. Just for a moment…pretend I’m human. Pretend I’m what you want.”

Kylo’s chest clenches though he doesn’t reply. He continues his tentative steps towards Hux, eyeing his body carefully. He can smell the strawberry body wash on Hux’s skin, a few droplets of water on his pale shoulders, dripping down the sharp curves of his collarbone.

When he’s directly in front of Hux as to hear his arid breaths, Kylo brings his hand up to Hux’s cheek, cupping it, running his thumb over his cheekbone.

“You’re beautiful,” Kylo says, and Hux closes his eyes, allowing the tears to drip onto his eyelashes and down his cheeks, head hanging as though defeated.

But Kylo moves his hand from Hux’s cheeks and up to the top of his head, ruffling his messy hair to reveal his two fox ears wilted down to the point where they’re almost flat against his head, covered by his red hair. Knowing exactly the right spot, Kylo scratches behind Hux’s left fox ear, and Hux squeaks, his ears being forced upright and back into their normal position. With his other hand, Kylo slides it carefully around Hux’s waist, finding a bulge at the back of his trousers where his tail has been curled and stuffed down and underneath the waistband. He gently coaxes it out, allowing the appendage to fluff and be free again, swishing in its usual hypnotic just behind Hux’s head.

“I…don’t understand,” Hux mutters, frowning. “I looked human. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“No, fuck. Hux. I fell in love with you. Fox you. I don’t want you any other way than the way you look now,” Kylo says, feeling his own eyes brimming with tears. “I don’t want you to change. But you have to understand—the outside world—I would never forgive myself if they took you away. I’m your mate. I want to protect you.”

Hux looks up at Kylo with desperate eyes, looking as though he’s trying to find the right words but fails. Instead, he throws his arms around Kylo’s neck and their lips crash together in a wistful kiss, and the pain in Kylo’s chest disappears, smiling against Hux’s mouth as he hears the familiar sounds of Hux’s tail cutting through the air, wagging ferociously.

“I’m sorry,” Hux mutters, combing his fingers through the dark hair at the nape of Kylo’s neck. “I should have told you I’d be longer tonight. I know you were worried.”

“It’s fine. You can come and go as you please,” Kylo winks, using Hux’s own words to him. “Why were you so long hunting, anyway?”

Hux smiles, and gestures with his head. “In the kitchen.”

Kylo frowns but does as he’s told, releasing Hux from his embrace and walks to the kitchen door, a rush of joy surging through his chest when he sees an assortment of random and bright flowers on the countertop.

He feels Hux come and nuzzle the back of his neck, humming softly.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Kylo.”

[anavoliselenu]

Manwhore chapter 6

After eating some berries and listening to music, I pluck off my earphones, plump my campout pillow, and drift off to sleep, dreaming that I’m lost at night inside a green forest, running in a man’s shirt, and when Gina, Helen, and my mom shout for me to come out, I can never find my way out of the deep.

I wake up with a start, sweaty and breathless and staring around in confusion. I’m at the campout. Shivering, I pull out my phone and then blink when I see I’ve got a message.

If I can’t drive you home yet, then at least let me pick you up and take you someplace.

I stare at the text from an unknown number with a wildly pounding heart and a tangle inside my stomach. I know it’s him, it has to be him. I think of him and his shirts and his stares and his grapes. I think of his yacht and his secrets and the ice in his eyes and the way he stares at me like he wants me to melt all of those mysterious icicles in him. I think of how restless I feel and how I can’t focus on anything else . . . and then I think of the exposé and struggle to center myself with that one goal, that one wish. Exhaling, I text back:

I wouldn’t object to a tour of the Interface headquarters

Done

I bite my lip, things that feel like butterflies now seizing me. These have to be story butterflies but I’ve never gotten them like this. Before I can stop myself I text:

Don’t you sleep?

Not when I don’t want to

I blush. God, is he womanizing right now? He could be such a great guy for one special girl, it’s depressing he lets everyone have a piece of him somehow.

You? Why are you awake now, Selena?

Your text woke me, I write.

Sweet dreams then, Selena

I close my eyes and think of his face in the YouTube video, his face at the club after he saw me, his face always so closed off and mysterious, as if he refuses to let anyone see and know who he really is or what he really wants from them.

Same to you—if you want to dream, that is

Oh, I sound so dumb. Urgh. Setting my phone down as if it’s suddenly a snapping alligator I just encountered in my scary green dream forest, I don’t sleep one wink.

11

OFFICE

At least my writing has benefited from my growing obsession with this tormenting fascination that has nowhere to go. This thirst for information is leaking into my writing, into anything I turn my attention to. I’m like a glutton craving something in particular but stuffing herself on whatever she can get her hands on in the meantime. Even if it’s information on something else.

“This piece is phenomenal!” Helen says. “Such fire. I can’t wait to see what you do with the Justin piece. What’s the dibs on that?”

I gasp. “What?”

She smiles and taps the notebook on my desk with one word, underlined until the page tore.

DIBS.

She props her hip on my desk, and I feel Victoria nearly fall out of her chair in her eagerness to hear what I have to say.

“None,” I say, taking the tablet and putting it aside. Really, so I’m doodling “dibs” now?

“Oh, what do you mean, none?” She turns. “Victoria, Victoria.” She crooks a finger and Victoria gets up and walks over, casual as can be.

“Helen?” she says. “Hi, Selena.” She beams.

“Help me get Selena in with that stylist who always has you looking so spectacular? With this face”—she tips my chin up—“there’s no way Justin should be able to keep himself from hunting her down. Thank you, Vicky,” she says, sliding into her office.

With Victoria near, I suddenly wish I’d said I’d made moderate progress. I wish I’d said anything to keep me from having to see her enormous, gloating smile. I can almost hear her thinking that I can’t even write a piece without her help. That I can’t get a man without her help.

“It’s not necessary, really,” I tell her.

“Oh nonsense, I know just what you need. I’m going to borrow this for a second,” she says, gesturing to my landline. So she calls her stylist and hums while she waits, and I need to save and close my file because nothing can mess with my mojo as much as someone sneeking a peek at my screen.

I sit there, feeling like a loser and peering into my phone when I see Dean’s message.

Mr. Justin would like to give you a tour of the Interface corporate headquarters. Let me know if this is of interest; he’s looking forward to seeing you.

My toes curl a little and my cheeks are red. Fuck. I text back:

I’m looking forward to seeing him.

Oh god. Seeing him? I’m meeting with him, not seeing him. Professional. That’s all. What will I do when I see him again?

I pull out a picture of him I downloaded on my phone and peek at it. His profile is so perfect. He’s the only guy I’ve ever had a picture of in my phone—it came from one of the girls who tagged him, and since it got downloaded it’s somehow stayed in my phone. I haven’t been able to erase it.

Considering Justin erased my picture, I should do the same, but a part of me enjoys being able to look at him while he’s not watching me. And this picture . . . I’m pretty sure this picture was taken that day on the yacht, and what he’s staring at in the distance is me. Something about his unreadable expression demands that I figure him out.

Victoria slams down my office phone. “Done. I’ve got an in for you next week on Friday. Be ready to make Justin weep!” she declares, patting the top of my head and leaving me staring down at my phone to Dean’s new message.

Great. We’ll have a car at your place on Thursday at 4 p.m.

12

THURSDAY

Thursday.

At 4:01 p.m., I’m exiting my building.

“Oh, I’ll get the door for you, Miss Sheppard.”

Our neighbor from the third floor (who makes killer coffee cakes every holiday) seems to have been out walking her dog, her cat nestled in her arm. “Selena, you look lovely with your hair down.” The cat purrs as she strokes the back of its ear. “I can’t even think of an actress as blonde and fair-skinned as you. Who did your makeup? It’s so natural.”

“My roommate, Gina.” I hold the door open for her. “She works in a department store, in cosmetics, and we’re trying out different looks on me.”

“Ah, yes. The day I have a ball and a pretty dress, I’ll go visit her.”

Her dog yaps at my ankle and I wince a little but stand my ground, then turn back to the street once she’s inside. I freeze. Instead of the Rolls, Justin’s black and shiny BUG 1 is parked just outside.

He leans against it, watching me. And he’s smiling. At me. He steps forward and says, “Hey.” To me. And I forget about everything. Even my name. Even that I’m supposed to be working today. My stomach contracts, and so does my throat.

“Hey,” I say, taking in his black suit as he opens the passenger door for me.

Oh god, what is this?

He offers his hand, and I look at it with dread and anticipation before slipping my fingers into his. He grips my fingers lightly as I slip into the seat, the touch lingering long after he lets go and closes the door.

Then he’s in the car, shutting his door and enclosing us in the most confined space we’ve been in since we met. His scent envelops me along with the leather of his car, and my lungs start to ache with every breath I take.

As I dressed, I kept telling myself that I didn’t need to look perfect because nothing would come of it. But I actually spent more time than ever thinking about what I was going to wear and wondering how he’d feel about it.

Dean sent a message instructing me to wear something comfortable because parts of the building were still under construction. I ended up wearing a favorite pair of worn jeans, a loose shapeless sweater I love writing in, and my warm boots, because I love having comfy feet. I’m a fan of chunky socks, my Uggs, and tucking my feet into anything soft and snug. But it doesn’t matter whether he likes it, right? Because nothing can come of this. I’m working, and he’s . . . well, he’s being nicer to me than I ever imagined by giving me a tour in the first place.

“I hope I’m dressed okay,” I whisper.

His green eyes run up and down my body, and suddenly more than my feet are warm as a small smile appears. He reaches an arm behind my seat and faces me completely. “I like this almost as much as I love what you wore the day we met.”

I cover my face and laugh. “You absolutely don’t mean that.”

When I force myself to drop my hands, he’s staring at me. I really have never been looked at the way he looks at me, with that glint of mischief in his stare, sexy, dark, and deep, roiling with the most exquisite promises. When he teases me like this, my flesh goes warm and things happen to me that could only be explained by collisions and particles and energy and chemistry. I can’t take it.

Without reassuring me any more about my looks or how much he likes or doesn’t like them, he gets the engine roaring to life, checks his mirrors, and sends the tires squealing as he pulls into the street. The next second, I’m flat against the car seat and without breath.

“This car is meant to be driven like you stole it,” he says.

He takes a curve a bit recklessly and starts to chuckle, the sound low and amused. “All right, Selena?” He grins and squeezes my thigh, and I look up at him, the tingles of adrenaline and lust I’m feeling becoming bells chiming loudly inside me.

I smile and nod, but add, “You’re a devil, though.”

He slows down and starts driving like a normal person for the next couple of blocks, speaking low, with a sidelong, curious glance at me. “More devil than Justin?”

“You couldn’t be a Justin if we got you a halo.”

His lips tip upward, but there’s something about the smile that doesn’t reach his eyes as he turns back to the road. From the moment I met him, the air between us has felt different from the way it does when I’m not with him. Thicker, more electric, every glance or smile or word causing ripples in the atmosphere. But right now, inside his leather- and man-smelling car, I feel his presence with every breath. Every thought. Every move—those moves of his, as he turns the steering wheel, shifts gears. And those moves of mine: tucking my hair back, smoothing my hands over my sweater.

When we get to the Interface underground parking lot, he slides into the first empty slot, and I’m telling myself to freaking forget about his delicious ghost kisses as he removes his jacket and tosses it to his seat. But it’s no use; the glimpse of muscles rippling under the fabric of his white cotton shirt doesn��t help get my knees back into normal working order. He unknots his tie and pulls it loose, his biceps flexing under his shirt. My eyes—I can’t pull them away from him. I feel his call viscerally, right in the core of my being. I watch him, noticing the hair that fell over his eye as he raked his fingers through it just now.

A ball of tangled lightning is in my stomach as I follow him into the elevator and we ride to the top floor.

His textured voice suddenly runs like a feather down my spine. “Do you want to talk about Interface now?”

I tear my attention free from that beautiful set of lips of his to find him watching me. His stare is too keen and knowing for me to hold it for long, but I can’t look away, either. “I don’t know.”

“So you don’t want to discuss Interface?”

His voice is gruff, deeper than usual, and the sudden smile on his lips is absolutely sensual.

I bite my lower lip, uncertain of what to say as he takes a step forward, looking at me questioningly and also . . . expectantly. My heart starts thumping. I feel like something is happening. A hurricane called Justin Justin is happening. I’ve been dreaming of him—of us. Limbs, flesh, touching, those grazing kisses of his right on the corner of my mouth . . .

A prickle of nervousness tightens every inch of my body as he moves his frame to stand before mine. He stretches his arm along the wall behind me, his eyes glowing. He’s so close I can see the icy flecks in those irises, reminding me of other times, when those flecks seemed to have melted from warmth.

“Hey,” he says, running his thumb along my jaw as he suddenly smiles down at me.

He smells of soap. His nearness is lighting up my nerves like a Christmas tree.

“Hey,” I whisper, shooting for casual, failing miserably.

His closeness is unsettling.

He takes my fingers within one warm hand and tugs my arm up from my side, watching his fingers lace through mine as he holds my hand between us, at the level of our throats. “Ask me anything you want, Selena,” he says, his thumb rubbing along the back of mine, the touch electrifying my nerve endings.

He reaches out with his free hand and strokes the note cards I’m clutching in my other hand. He peers at the top card. “ ‘Relentless,’ ” he reads out loud.

Startled, I jump into action and take the cards with both hands. His lips curve; he watches me shakily tuck the cards into my small bag.

You’re really unfocused, Livingston! I don’t know what to do, or what to say, only that this development is not good for Edge, for my career. For the exposé. Oh, fuck.

“You think me relentless?” He’s amused.

As I search my brain, frantic for an answer, I find him peering down at me with a sober expression.

“I’m much worse than that,” he murmurs.

The elevator halts.

Justin glances at the top. “We’re here.” We head outside. Marble, windows, everything new and recently cleaned. To one side are paint cans, the scent of drying paint mingled with plaster and plastic. The ceilings have cables poking out. It’s a masterpiece in progress, a visionary building for visionary people.

“Hey, come here, I want to show you something,” Justin tells me, watching me walk over to where he’s standing.

He leads me into a huge conference room.

I look at everything. “It’s beautiful.”

I realize he’s looking only at me. He looks at me like he wants something from me, like he wants something very much, and like he’s wanted it for a long time.

Aware that I’m blushing hard, I tear free of his stare and distract myself with the huge artwork on the wall to his left. The wall is so huge, I don’t recognize the splotches of color as I take them all in, but when I focus on each and every one, I do.

Here, covering one of his walls from end to end, is the huge canvas mural Gina and I made at the park, along with nearly a hundred other people.

Dazed, I walk forward, scanning all the hands. There is Gina’s. And, yes, there’s mine.

“What do you think of it?”

I look at him, not believing what I’m seeing. On impulse, I turn back to the mural and lift my hand and match it to my red handprint, finger to finger.

How did he know? When I went to his office, I was streaked with red paint, and I told him where I’d been. Oh wow. I look at our hands, still disbelieving as I step back.

I remember riding in one of his cars once while he bid in an auction.

I remember all the things he handled in the space of mere minutes.

And I can’t believe that one of those things, one of the times he was on the phone, one of these days, was regarding this one thing that means worlds to me.

“You see, I’m correcting an injustice,” he says behind me. “Interface has contributed to the cause you believe in so much . . . and you can’t give this one back.”

I laugh and face him, my knees feeling weaker and weaker. “I really hurt your pride returning your shirt, didn’t I?”

“I’m mortally wounded.”

He’s not grinning.

His pull is stronger than ever.

His stare greener than ever.

“The donations made by the institutions who acquire these go to the families of the victims. These donations really helped my mother when my dad died,” I hear myself admit, with a ball of emotion in my gut. “It’s such a great gesture. Thank you for helping.”

His eyes go liquid, as if all he wanted was this meager thank-you I just gave him.

He smiles and nods his dark head, and suddenly, it’s not enough. Not enough at all. I can’t believe it—this gesture out of a hundred gestures. On impulse, I walk up to him, my Uggs silent on the marble. Then I push up on tiptoes and kiss his hard jaw. He moves his head, so I end up kissing the corner of his mouth.

Startled, I ease back, gaping.

His eyes are dark . . . but glimmering in delight. As if he wanted the thank-you but will take anything else that he can.

I realize several things. He’s grabbed my waist to keep me from stepping back. His hands are on my hips. I shiver at his touch. I also notice the unmistakable, determined look of a hunter on his face, as if he doesn’t plan to let go, and I’m dizzy with his scent. Fast. I didn’t imagine the human body could want so fast and so much from one instant to the next.

“Put your arms around me,” he says, his voice a gruff whisper in my ear.

My stomach grips tightly in surprise, small butterflies exploding from its pit to the tips of my fingers. His warm, long-fingered hand curves around my hip, holding me close.

“Put your arms around me,” he repeats, slowly watching my reaction as he takes my wrists, lifts my arms, and links my hands together at his nape. He watches me as he ducks his head and, oh, the anticipation, the exquisite torture, of wanting this and not wanting to want this.

“I can’t breathe,” I whisper, somehow easing my head back as he edges forward.

His eyes start fluttering closed, the shadow of his eyelashes dark on his cheekbones as his lips come within a breath of mine. “I don’t want you to breathe.”

He kisses the corner of my mouth; my body tightens at the contact. He eases back—not a lot, as if he doesn’t want to let go or leave me for more than an inch—and looks at me like I’m absolutely new and precious and he wants to play with me so much, he actually isn’t certain if he wants to play with me completely or maybe save a little bit of me to play with later. And I . . . ?

I’m burning to my bones.

Beyond thought right this second.

I want him so deep I’ll end up broken. I want to forget there are multiple reasons why this isn’t a good idea—because it doesn’t matter if it’s good or even right, only that I give my body what it wants. And all I want right now is looking down at me as if he wants to give it to me too.

I’m scared, but that doesn’t stop me from tipping my head up in offering, my lips parted in complete recklessness. “Do that again,” I whisper. His eyes gleam as he watches me, his gaze somehow male and savoring as I lick my lips and squirm a little beneath him. “Justin . . . do it again . . .” I try again.

He ducks his head, and the second corner kiss is so close to the center of my mouth, I can taste him. Oh god, I want to taste him. He’s teasing me now. Teasing me with kisses and desire, the kind I’ve never felt, and it’s working; I’m aching, throbbing, wanting, dying.

“You like that?”

I nod fast, breathing heavily. “Again . . . please.” I tip my head farther back. He takes in my reaction with dark, hooded eyes, and I remain dazed, struggling to keep my lungs working. He tips my head back at the angle that he wants it.

The air between our bodies feels like fire, the places his thigh touches mine singe me, the tips of my breasts are crushed and hot against his flat chest.

He bends his head and takes my lips—front and center now. If I had just been burned at the stake, the impact would have been less than the hot feel of his tongue pushing my lips apart. I burst up in flames, and he pulls me closer with a rumbling noise as his tongue delves in and strokes mine, dominating, tasting, kissing.

“Do you like that too?” He dips his tongue, hot and wet, into my mouth; then he secures the back of my head in one curved hand and parts his lips and takes me deeper, harder. A rush of sensations knifes through me, and when he angles his head to get another, thorough taste of me, I part my lips wider so that he continues to do what he’s doing, continues rubbing his tongue along mine and feeding me with his indescribably delicious taste.

“Yes,” I moan softly, hungrily breathing his breath. “I can taste you in every inch of me.”

The sound of his hands sliding down the length of my arms, over my clothing, is decadent and delicious. We slant our heads and kiss a little, then a little more. Then his lips soften . . . retreat . . .

A tremor racks through me as his lips brush across my soft wet ones, the ghost of a tantalizing touch.

When we finally part, my mouth tingles, and I can see him perfectly up close. I notice the shifting shades of green in his eyes, the copper flecks scattered inside—not cold, not an ounce of cold right now.

I feel his fingertips graze my temples as he brushes my hair off my forehead to look at me. His hands remain there for what feels like an instant and, at the same time, forever. I blink as I grudgingly remove my hands from his nape and bring them, trembling, to my sides, my eyes focusing on his stunning, virile face.

“I . . . this can’t happen.”

“It’s happened. It’s happening, Selena.”

His gaze is heavy, thick-lashed as he surveys his handiwork: my lips, wet. Swollen—at least that’s how they feel. I find myself touching his shoulders, nervous. “Justin . . .”

God. I don’t even know what it is I’m asking for.

He’s the sort of guy who’d never be in any woman’s friend zone or brother zone. He’s the sort of guy you fantasize about having for a lover, and he wants me. When he ducks his head, I go up on my toes so our lips meet again. Then we’re tasting, slowly exploring, and when I want to make it go fast because my toes are curling and my body’s trembling, he slows me down with his mouth, his tongue. Perfectly in control, he’s feasting on me and doesn’t want to be rushed. My mouth has become his expedition, and I want to be explored, just like this.

He pulls away—I have to swallow back a protest then.

He stares at me. Eyes, lips, eyes, lips, prolonging the looks a little more every time. I’m in agony. Suddenly I tilt my head and kiss his neck. He groans softly, fisting my hair in his hand, tipping my head back. And there, his lips wait for mine. Our mouths fuse as if each was somehow waiting for the other for a long time. The touch, the heat, is so electric, I pull back with a shocked gasp.

Our eyes meet again. We’re playing this game, kissing, stopping. . . . I can see by the curl of his lip that he’s enjoying it. But I’m not. I’m pained with desire, panting as I fight the urge to rub up against him like a cat, tug his shirt off his chest. I want to eat him up alive, so hard and so fast, I have to fold my fingers into my palms to keep from doing just that.

His hand cups my jaw and holds me still now. He watches me until the very last moment as his lips descend to mine. He tastes me, savors me; then the heady taste of him hits me again, melting me. I catch the rasp of his jaw against my cheek, the moist heat of his tongue on mine. When I let out a moan that scares me, he eases back for another moment to look at me again.

Oh god. Trembling with how much we’ve kissed and how much I still want, I stare at his mouth. Every time he’s stepped back, he’s come back to kiss me harder. Harder. His mouth—was it really just on me? I feel in a strange way like it still is. My lips tingle from side to side, top bow to bottom curve. He’s looking at them too. Then his hands tighten on my arms and his mouth crashes down on mine, hard this time. I stiffen against the onslaught, afraid of the cataclysm overtaking me. I try to move away and pull free, but his mouth shifts every time I do, and it is always there, ready to taste me again, the tip of his tongue brushing me open.

Excitement thrills through my veins as I dare open my mouth as wide as I can, and then he tastes me. A heart-stopping, whole-mouthed kiss that makes me dizzy and unsteady and amazed. My hands on his arms, my body leans on his so hard my breasts ache against his chest, and I taste him back. Not slow or in a savoring way; more in a way that means I will never be kissed like this again and I very much want him to eat me like I want to eat him.

This is Justin Justin—my dream story and the salvation of Edge—and I should’ve pushed him away. But I’m suddenly desperate. I’ve been paying attention to every visual sign, every word we exchange, trying to silence whatever it is he makes me feel. Some kind of need. Some blatant thirst. But his mouth is on mine, and I’m thirstier than ever.

We peel our lips apart, and his mouth immediately seeks a path down my throat. I turn my head and tug his earlobe between my teeth, running my hands over his hair. I’ve never touched a man like this, his hair thick and silky, dark as soot. He groans under my slow but impulsive caresses, and the sound runs through me in an erotic wave. His slow neck kisses drive me crazy, but I still crave his mouth; my mouth is sore, and it feels like the only way I won’t be aware of its soreness is with his mouth on mine again, pleasing me like crazy.

I turn my head. He’s there, as if needing my mouth too. Our lips open and fuse again. He groans; I moan. We taste each other feverishly. His tongue is hot and wet against mine, and this kiss alone has me more turned on than anything in my life ever has.

But . . . who do you think you are, Selena? Come on! Elizabeth Bennett? Jane Eyre, perhaps?

Peeling away with effort, I shake in place, leaning my forehead on his while my breath stumbles back to me.

“We can’t do that again.” I ease back, running my hands down my hair. “Can someone . . . Can you call me a cab?”

He doesn’t say no, only stares at me, then stares down at his hands, then up at me. He glances at my mouth with heavy eyelids.

“I’ll drive you home. Just give me ten minutes to cool down.”

“No, I’ll take a cab. I need to cool down too. I can’t see you except . . . for interviews.” He looks so sexy, hot, and suddenly so attainable, I can’t bear to stand here anymore. I pull my bag close to me and head to the door.

“See me outside in ten minutes,” he says, his voice still thick with desire. “Just let me cool down,” he repeats.

But if I see you outside, I’ll be the whore who sold her soul for your story.

ize:11.5pt; f��3u$,-