#I’ll tag him with a character tag cause there’s a fuck load of him but I don’t wanna tag literally everyone

[fujii-draws]

OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.

[kyunzin]

𝐈’𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲

character; 𝐁. 𝐊𝐨𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮

cw; he’s so desperate to be inside of you that he humps your backside like a bitch in heat (gn!reader)

tags; somnophilia, dry humping, raw sex, cum eating, mating press, use of baby/ love (to reader)

a/n; I like my new layout it’s kinda cute but it takes ages to do

it’s not his fault that he wakes up and his cock if full in his underwear. he really tries to wait it out hoping it will go down with no attention needed but to his misfortune his need to relieve himself only grows stronger with every passing second.

he knows not awake you as its too early for you to be up and from the steady raise of your chest next to him he can tell you’re in a deep sleep. he doesn’t want to get up and deal with it himself but he also doesn’t want to stay like this and he knows you won’t mind if he uses you to ease himself.

it’s an easy task rolling you over to your side as you sleep unaware of his problems, propping himself directly behind you. the sigh of slight relief he lets out when his cock presses against the groove of your ass is enough to cause you to stir but not enough for you to wake up.

his arm wraps around you and you instinctively lean back into his touch pressing his cock further into your ass the pressure creating a pleasurable sensation to him almost making him moan out loud but he catches himself quickly.

with the both of you in a steady position he starts to grind his cock into the groove of you’re ass at a slow pace, pressing his head into the back of your inhaling you’re scent as he rocks his hips into you. the stimulation to his cock has precum spilling out the tip of his dick which is sure to stain the fabric of his underwear creating a wet patch.

at first the slow drag of his hips is enough to satisfy him but it soon isnt enough for him and he reaches for his underwear pulling it down to rest under his balls letting it hang free between the two of you before resuming his previous actions. the feel of your soft underwear rubbing against he raw cock has him shuddering in pleasure a low moan “shit, feels so fucking good” falling from his mouth his hips rutting into you quicker than before.

with the way his hips rut against yours, the fabric of your underwear is enough to have him lose control of himself letting out a string of “oh f-fuck, fuck, fuck!” into the back of your neck, pressing kisses to your shoulder and neck while he roughly ruts into your backside, causing the bed to subtly shake with him.

it’s only now that you start to wake up due to the volume of his moans though you’re barely awake to register what’s happening and by the time you catch on to what he’s doing he’s already cumming hard body shaking, his grip on you tightening but not enough to bruise as ropes of his cum spill onto your lower back and underwear. you can hear him letting out apologetic chants of “m’ sorry, couldn’t help it. m’ so sorry fuck, I’ll clean you up baby, I promise”

having been together for so long means you know that cumming once won’t be enough for him. so when he rolls you over onto your stomach and pulls down your underwear, it’s no surprise when he easily slips his cock into you with a sharp thrust accompanied with an apology of “I’m sorry. promise I’ll be done after this baby, you don’t have to do anything, please can I?”. he ask as if he isn’t already sinking into you.

the only reason he’s able to slip in with ease is because he had spent the night before fucking you raw for hours. after coming home from his match with a lot of unreleased energy. usually he would be worn out after a match but today was different because his team had won the match quicker than expected.

he had spent his time fucking you in multiple positions but ended with you in a mating press, your legs held behind your ears with him pumping you full of his cum alongside the other loads he had shot into earlier watching as your stomach inflated.

when he was done with that he spent some time eating out your cum and kissing it back into your mouth for you to swallow, repeating the process until he was sure that he had cleaned you out watching as your hole gaped at him smiling stupidly at his work.

he wastes no time in pushing bulldozing his cock into your stretched heat watching the way you swallow him all the way to the hilt as he hits your sweet spot with every hard drive of his hips. you find it endearing how he lets out little rambles of “m’ so fucking sorry, didn’t want to wake you, oh god. does it feel good for you baby? fuck it feels real f-fucking good, keep sucking in my cock like this and I won’t last long”

the feel of your walls pulsating around him as well the sound of your voice as you cum sending him over edge, one of his hands griping the headboard in front of you catching himself as he lean over you his hips lower half resting on you as he shoots his thick load into you once again.

once he knows he finished he pulls out first licking the drying cum of your back then quickly and flips you over with care looking at your inflated stomach and fucked out face bending your legs down to your ears so that he can suck the cum out of your puffy hole swallowing it himself instead of feeding it to you.

when he’s sure that he’s cleaned you out properly he finds a clean pair of underwear and slips it on you effortlessly, tucking you back into bed watching as you seamlessly fall back asleep. finally feeling satisfied he changes his underwear for a clean pair as well and makes his way into the kitchen to start breakfast for the two of you with a stupid smile on his face.

𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

@tyunixia @riowmie

[sintiva]

COD MEN FAVORITE POSITIONS (AND SOME KINKS)

includes: könig, ghosty pooh and price

content: black fem!reader, penetrative sex, different positions, cream pie, slight power dynamics, hair pulling, nudes!, size differences, minor sub/dom themes, spanking (briefly hinted at), each individual has their own tags!

notes: FINALLY WRITING FOR VIDEO GAME CHARACTERS THAT DAY DREAM ABOUT DAILY😣 i feel like i just worked off a heavy load, please enjoy this though it was very short. i hopw with this i’ll feel more comfortable with writing for them, plus some more in the future! feedback is greatly appreciated 🫶🏽

KÖNIG > missionary ☺️

| könig loves this position for many reasons, but his biggest reason for pinning your legs up by your chest, folding you in all the right ways, is because he absolutely adores looking at your face during sex. your praise, soft coos and gorgeous expression’s makes his cheeks burn out of embarrassment and how easy you make it to lust for you.

…“a little harder,” you pant and plead with the heavy man on top of you. könig has sharp ears and everything you say is responded to in little to no time. he’s come to learn that when you ask for it harder, you don’t mean fast and hard, but slow, and really sensual.

he realizes that he loves this position so much, because he loves seeing how much of his dick you can take, and he loves insatiable the both of you become.

his hips swing down harder, it’s skin to skin. your pussy takes all of him, but not without a little resistance. not without him knocking the air out of your lungs. your pants grow louder, and your body is getting pounded into the mattress with each of his thrust. you can feel him all in your stomach, placing all his weight into each individual thrusts. he’s itching to hear something though, forgetting that he’s fucking you absolutely senseless.

sometimes he hates that he likes this position so much, because when he ends up fucking you harder, listening to your every command— you lose all ability to respond. he’s fucking you relentlessly. making your body tremble, the words you can manage, rarely make sense; everything’s slurred. “come on, y/n? is’t good?”

“gimme something, please?”

he gives you those sweet, innocent puppy eyes of his. soft, warm kisses to your lips — that he ends up tugging on cause he loves, loves, loves your lips and how they make him feel… during other activities.

“‘s goo’” you mumble, your finger nails dig into the skin of his back, and you squeezing him in all the right places. könig grows so overwhelmed during missionary with you, he gets so loud and whiny. your pussy is the perfect fit, every ridge gets a feel, he scratches that itch so sweetly — he’s in so deep and won’t pull out. is the absolute king of ‘i tried to, really, i did, i just couldn’t you felt too good.” let’s not talk about how embarrassed he gets either, and how much he loves letting every single drop of cum empty out of his balls right into your pussy. do

and his eyes.!.!..!.!.!. puppy eyes all through missionary omg 🥺 <<< looks at you like that when you beg for his strokes to be not so deep

🪴

GHOST > doggy/backshots, asphyxiation, little bit of brat taming

| myself, personally, thinks that simon’s favorite position doggy. there’s something enticing about seeing how your ass and thighs ripple from each thrust, and hearing the sound of skin clapping together. and he definitely likes ass, no questions asked. him and his buddy price who i will get to next☺️

…simon has some obsession with being in control of many things. he needs answers, solutions and plans that keeps him in charge. but all that kinda goes away during sex. sex with you ends up being different. first your snobby, giving him attitude, then you’re begging for his attention, and then somehow you end up crying because he tends to get really aggressive and dominant when it comes to sex.

so it’s taken quite a while to find out how the both of you could find some common ground during the deed; which just so happened to be learned when you both tried doggy.

it keeps him grounded, the feeling of his fingers digging into your hips, being able to pull your hair, and all the ways he can finesse your body and make you feel just how pent up being GHOST gets him. hanging with dudes all day, and getting soft core nudes/videos from his s/o doesn’t make his days any easier. which explains why he comes through the door fuming, a bulge you can clearly see through his work pants and an irreversible silence.

he’s all big, strong, hot, an overwhelming and brute full man. he rarely gives you time to think, he’s pulling you onto his lap, tossing whatever spoon of food you have into the sink, parting your legs and stuffing two fingers into your mouth. then he’s filling you up with them. he’s stirring your insides with his fingers, just enough to get you wet and prepped, because every time you have sex with ghost, it feels like he’s reaching your throat. it feels like he’s stretching you out for the first time, “s-simon.”

“don’t.”

AND HE’S LITERALLY CHOKING YOU. thick fingers pressing into the sides of your throat, tears streaking your eyes, yet, you’re getting wetter on his fingers. he love’s that look in your eye when you start to get a little dizzy. eyes rolling into the back of your head, and you’re so close to cumming on his fingers. don’t ask me why, and if i get into it i will lose my mind.

and little you just loves to tease. you like to cry and act all innocent when he’s getting ready to put it in. he lines up his tip, and he’s literally throbbing, his dick feels like it’s ready to burst. just thinking of putting it in makes him squeeze your ass a couple of times, but then you’re always moving around or shying away from it. he’ll spank you a couple times, “stop acting like a fucking brat, or i’ll fuck you like one.”

“mhmm,” one wiggle of your hips, “do it then.”

a mission he never takes lightly. your face is stuck in your pillow, moaning and whining as he fucks you like a slut. one foot up on the bed, your ass all up in his hands, your back hurts from how deep your arch is, but you find it physically impossible to deny how good it feels. on top of that it doesn’t take long for him to cum — in this position, but it takes him a while to get burnt out. which causes long nights of sex, and love making, and it leaves you bruised and fussy for the next couple of days until your begging for more, which is a common reoccurrence.

🪴

CPT. PRICE > reverse cowgirl, daddy kink 🪖

| now listen… price loves when his partner is in control of sex, not because he’s submissive, but he likes when you control your pleasure, and he’s a man who loves to please. just lay him down, hop on top and you won’t here the end of it, and he likes it in reverse cause he gets to play with your ass while you ride him.

“who’s daddy’s good girl?”

“m-me.”

you sniffle, ruby red lip stick smeared all over your cheeks — puffy sore eyes from so many tears that bled black from your mascara.

“good girl, keep riding daddy’s dick just like that.”

he plops his hand down right on your ass, with one hand gently positioned behind his head as he falls in love with the view of your ass completely swallowing up his dick with each bounce of your hips. pussy managing to accommodate his girth, how’d he get so fucking lucky.

price is one helluva man, and he truly adores making you overstimulate yourself til you’re twitching on his cock, sensitive and bruised all over. every inch of you, from the fluff of your hips, to the dips in your back. when he’s doing anything, really, he likes to keep his hands on his pretty baby at all times, and he stands by that. it’s full on princess treatment with him.

but back to this position, price will gently tell you how he wants it, he’s a totally different man when he’s talking to you, but is nurturing about it. “let me help you, princess, gimme your hands.”

you pull your hands from his thighs and extend them backwards, and he will literally pull them back. hips pistoning up into you, carving his shape into you till you feel numb. it’s tiring, but he’s a soldier who’s done work far more excruciating. the moment he has your hands threaded among his own, your ass his big meaty thighs, that he definitely loves to see you sitting on, connect over and over. the sound of wet smacking, ‘plat plat’ ringing through out the room.

heeeee adores it! and will never not have sex without letting his favorite girl sit on her throne and take a sweet ride.

tagging: @p-powerr @blkcupid @takemichiluvr @lovelyyceleste @nneedynymph @privateparty3 @lemmetreatya @mochadollz @h3llokttybrat

[jaskierx]

Honestly, I really admire (and am thankful for) the way you manage and handle those back and forth with some Izzy stans, I don't think I have the mental strength to entertain them myself.

I wasn't part of the fandom after season 1 aired, I watched it without engaging much and then kind of waited for season 2 to come out, so I had no idea such a divide had happened between Izzy stans and the rest of the fandom (glad I was oblivious to it ngl). All I know is that I hated Izzy’s guts and wanted him to get his just desert.

So yeah, I wasn’t a fan and I struggled forgiving him when season 2 started because the show was trying so hard to make him sympathetic (which I honestly couldn’t give two shits about at first, I wanted revenge), plus you’re right, Izzy got way too much screen time (which gave Izzy stans ammunitions to say “SEE!! Main character!!!”), but I did end up warming up to him by the time he died. I can even say I genuinely liked him.

BUT the journey to that point was sooo conflicting because some Izzy stans were also doing the absolute most in the main tag, painting Izzy as this angel who never did anything wrong and was terrorized by the monster Ed, and I was like????? Did season 1 happen??? Did I dream the whole season??? Did I watch a version from an alternate universe??? I was BAFFLED. I don't know who is that Izzy they're talking about, but it's not the one on my screen, that's for sure.

Then, Izzy died and the hardcore stans lost their shit (you know what I'm talking about) and they have seriously soured me to Izzy again. I want to like the character we had on screen, and I want to like his redemption arc. He was a great antagonist even if I hated him, and we owed him so much for all the shit he pulled in season 1, but the OTT takes and behaviors from stans I’ve seen have made me give up on him, which sucks. Maybe I’ll feel better about him in a few months, but right now, I can’t stand him, and I’ve blocked his tag everywhere (ao3 included, because, truly, fuck fanon Izzy, fuck him).

Hope it’s not too draining for you though, just writing this felt like screaming into the void, so I can’t imagine dealing with this on the daily. Take care!

hi anon i'm so glad you sent this bc i felt very similarly about izzy in s2. i didn't find him sympathetic at all. i didn't give a single shit that he was suffering from ed being in his kraken era bc he's the entire reason ed ended up like that in the first place. izzy was reaping what he sowed. seeing ed feeling so miserable broke my fucking heart and i can't stand any bullshit takes about 'izzy was protecting the crew from ed's abuse' or 'edizzy invented love confirmed' or whatever other nonsense his stans chose to take away from episodes 1-3.

i truly do not see izzy as a victim. i truly do not see ed as an abuser. sometimes i will start reading a post in the ofmd tag that refers to an 'abuser' and a 'victim' and i get halfway through the post and realise that the op has a completely opposite view of who is who than i do.

and as s2 progressed i just felt worse and worse about it like he was getting so much screentime and popping up all over the place and he'd absorbed a load of traits (from other characters that i'd have rather seen more of) bc the writers had to speedrun making him semi-likeable. i still haven't done a proper rewatch since the finale aired and i'm pretty sure i'll feel different watching it knowing he dies in ep8, but when eps 6-7 dropped i fucking hated every scene he was in and felt like he ruined some otherwise really lovely ed/stede moments like their breakfast in bed. izzy being cheered on for wearing drag and singing - the exact acts that caused him to threaten ed - feels exactly like the very common queer experience of seeing the homophobic kid who bullied you for being queer getting loads of support when they come out themselves.

and the takes that were coming out of the canyon at this time were absolutely wild, especially in relation to ed. people absolutely baying for blood, wanting to see him suffer, wanting his relationship with stede to suffer, wanting him to have to crawl across broken glass to repair his relationship with the crew, all while treating izzy as a protagonist who never did anything wrong.

so ngl i was delighted when he died. but mostly i was relieved that it was going to be over. i walked out of my circus tent with my clown makeup on believing that the canyon would yell for a bit and then slowly quiet down as people who claimed they'd be leaving the fandom if izzy died made good on their promise and fucked off.

and if anything they've got louder and more unhinged and are out here reinventing tjlc and harassing the writers and churning out the most rancid racist posts and writing obituaries that caused multiple people on twt to mistakenly think Actual Human Person con o'neill had died.

and on one hand i'm kind of glad that more people know what they're like now but god i really do feel for any izzy fans who have had their enjoyment of him ruined by the canyon. i really do think it's not the character that's polarising, it's the fandom response, in that most people who come in liking izzy end up either aligning with the canyon or getting so fucking fed up of the canyon that they don't like him anymore. and both of those are a shame tbh because he is very well acted and well written, especially in s1, and i wish i could've enjoyed his scenes and felt the emotional payoff of his death

anyway. sorry for writing you 1 billion words. ily ❤️

[adriartts]

a bunch of rough pose practices with twd

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 325: Deku VS the Outside of U.A. ~Conclusion~

Previously on BnHA: Ochako was all “dear bloodthirsty mob, this kid you see standing before you has fought harder than anyone and put his life on the line to protect you all, so please chill the fuck out, jesus christ. like, putting aside that he’s humanity’s best hope and so it’s very much in your best interests to let him rest and recover someplace safe so that he can keep fighting for us, are y’all seriously going to turn away an injured and exhausted child in front of his sobbing mother?? seriously?? come on now.” I’m paraphrasing here but that’s basically how it went down. Anyway so then the mob was all, “...” and Deku collapsed to his knees in tears, and Gigantic Fox Lady and Kouta ran over to give him a hug but then the chapter ended.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “FINE, YOU CAN HUG HIM”, which, was that so hard?? The U.A. Clown Mob is all “come to think of it, we’ve kind of been taking the heroes for granted this entire time, maybe we should be less passive in the future. anyway so Deku if it’s not too much to ask, can you please save everyone and fix everything.” Deku is all “I sure can, and by the way I forgive you for swarming around all menacingly two minutes ago and trying to deny me basic shelter and stuff.” Ectoplasm is all, “hey Todogang get a load of this. [walks in a circle].” Hawks is all, “that’s literally the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.” Rat Principal is all, “anyway so that’s what your students did today, hope you’re enjoying your new *~*ROBOT LEG*~*, Aizawa.” Aizawa is all “[lots of exposition about Kurogiri and for some reason, Toga, while being all brooding and sexy].” All Might is all “[standing here right outside of U.A. doing absolutely nothing and being foreboding AF]” and that immediately sucked away all of the warm fuzzy feelings from the hugs, goddammit.

each new week has become a waiting game of “when will Deku finally get to take a bath so people will actually be willing to go near him and give him the hugs he deserves.” the stakes have never been so compelling. I’ve almost forgotten about AFO entirely

lmaoooooo

me: for the love of god will someone please give Deku a hug before I die of old age

Mineta: YOU GOT IT!! --

Iida: [SWIFTLY CUTS HIM OFF] NOT YOU

fucking losing it at Mineta’s crying face. he really wanted to hug him. I legit feel bad but this is also the funniest thing I have seen all week, omg

somehow Kouta, who last week was only a hand’s breadth away from touching Deku’s head, is now twenty miles away from him in this new chapter

can I make a Loki reference here. is this recap a good place to insert a joke about someone using a TVA time-rewinding device to fuck with my poor boy Kouta over here. well anyway there it is

AND NOW HE’S BACK ALL OF A SUDDEN OMG

(ETA: since when is he “niichan” omg?? can’t handle this cuteness.)

BUT THEY’RE STILL NOT HUGGING HIM FFFFKFFFFF. WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO. WHO DO I HAVE TO BRIBE AND/OR BLACKMAIL

OH NO KOUTA IS CRYING THAT’S IT I’M DONE FOR

“when I heard that lady I knew that I had to go, but then stop again within inches of actually touching you because you smell like week-old rotten onions.” listen Kouta, I’m not saying I don’t get it, but you all can’t keep doing this to me. it’s the way you guys keep teasing it. like, if you’re gonna hug him, hug him. don’t just stand there with your arms held rigidly out in front of you like a molded action figure

OH MY GOSH BUT HE SAID THE THING

KOUTA SWOOPING IN AT THE LAST MINUTE TO TAKE ALL THE CREDIT FOR FIXING DEKU LIKE THAT ONE KID IN THE GROUP PROJECT WHO DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING BUT STILL TAGS HIS NAME ONTO THE REPORT ANYWAY, WHAT A KNAVE

GASP

(  ´͈ ᗨ `͈ )

SHE PICKED HIM UP LIKE A LITTLE BABY OMG?? she just leaned right over and lifted this child like he was a small animal. like a lil baby futon that she was about to hang up to dry. oh my god

-- HEY WHAT

(: well that’s extremely fucked up. though sadly not too surprising given what we just saw these past couple chapters

incidentally, I hope that anyone who was legitimately defending the civilians’ perspective earlier takes note here of how quickly that line of thinking -- “we’re just trying to keep our families safe” and all that-- can lead to straight up bigotry. if you’re willing to deny a child shelter and protection simply because he’s not YOUR child, and because you’ve decided based on Internet rumors (no real-world parallels there, I’m sure) that he might present a threat, it’s really not that much further of a leap to discriminating against entire groups of people simply because you perceive those groups as being dangerous. I’m sure the people who turned Gigantic Fox Lady away also told themselves afterwards that they did it to protect their families. “better safe than sorry.” “she’ll be fine, someone will take her in, but as for us, we can’t afford to take that risk.” people can come up with all kinds of justifications for treating other people as less than human, and the really scary thing about it is how fucking easy it is

one last quick side note, which is that Horikoshi does a great job here of showing how scapegoating works, given that AFO is the one who’s really to blame and who presents the actual threat, and yet Deku is the one who ultimately winds up being the target of the mob’s fear and outrage despite him being as much of a victim as they are. gotta love that irony, which unfortunately plays out far too often in the real world as well.

anyway I’ll get off my soapbox now, sorry about that. let us continue

YES, FINALLY OH MY GOD!!!!

AND THAT’S THE STORY OF HOW GIGANTIC FOX LADY BECAME THE GREATEST HERO. PACK IT ALL UP, WE’RE DONE HERE KIDS

holy shit. the real MVP right there. thanks for getting it done champ

jesus christ I have had it up to here with these people

literally the bar is set so low at this point that I’ll go ahead and take it. helping him because it offers them a tactical advantage is at least one step up from not helping him at all

“WHY NOT SHIKETSU” MOTHERFUCKER I SWEAR TO GOD

-- thank you!!

okay this one guy with the antennae hair is having himself a character development speedrun here

-- okay, but this part?? fucking this part, right here??

can we repeat that again?? the part where this guy acknowledges that the problems of hero society were caused not just by said heroes, but also by said society?? the part where he acknowledges that they treated the heroes like celebrities who were putting on a show for them?? the part where he acknowledges that when push came to shove, the vast majority of those heroes, when faced with a situation that offered no reward, were nonetheless willing to put their lives on the line to protect the very same people who then turned around and blamed them rather than thanking them?? are the civilians of BnHA even allowed to have actual deep thoughts about this stuff. holy shit

bro!!

ANTENNAE HAIR GUY SHOVING KOUTA AND GIGANTIC FOX LADY OUT OF THE WAY TO SLAP HIS NAME ONTO THE END CREDITS AS EXECUTIVE PRODUCER. CONGRATULATIONS SON YOU FIGURED OUT THE CORE PHILOSOPHICAL QUESTION AT THE VERY HEART OF THE MANGA. WAY TO GO BUD

meanwhile, on today’s episode of “one more chapter to go till the big volume cliffhanger, how else can I drag things out let’s see”

it’s a panel. of people’s feet. just a bunch of normal feet. with sneakers and shit

this All Might shirt guy is getting more screentime in this arc than 90% of the class 1-A kids

I guess I’m supposed to feel sorry for this dude now that he’s all “if we let you stay here do you promise to somehow magically fix every single problem that we are now currently facing?” those are some ridiculously exacting standards my dude. come on now

KACCHAN SIGHTING

thank fuck I’m not the only one who’s thoroughly unimpressed by absolutely all of this lol. I feel better now. meanwhile Iida and Kouda and Kiri are ready to run over there and hug them all. you guys are way too forgiving. damn you and your pure hearts

anyway so Deku’s like “yeah, definitely”

(ETA: almost forgot to comment on the “I’m no longer alone” part – he basically corrects the guy and says “sorry, but you’ll need to direct that question towards all of us, not just me, because moving forward we’re a team.” good stuff.)

you know what though, all joking aside... fuck yeah. because perfect victory, right. the strongest guys don’t settle for anything less. so I guess Deku has pretty exacting standards himself

also can you all just take a look at this fucking kid who’s got so much light in his eyes now that I’m gonna need eclipse goggles. hot damn. “you’re welcome” says All Might Shirt Guy as he is frantically interviewed by several local news networks asking him how he daringly managed to save Deku all by himself. “well I guess I’ve just never been the kind of guy who can sit back and let a bunch of rabble-rousers blame a little kid for all of humanity’s problems. someone had to step in and take action, you know?”

oH MY GOD THE SCENE IS FINALLY ENDING

don’t let the door hit you on your way out All Might Shirt Guy

but meanwhile, sudden Tododrama action??

oh shit

there are honestly so many ways in which Ochako’s very moving speech could have wildly backfired that I genuinely have no clue where this is headed lol. how exciting!!

so now Horikoshi is once again stalling for time with random filler panels, but this one is 10x better than the shoes lol omg

(1) was Ectoplasm’s jacket always this oversized. (2) did you guys know that if you go back to chapter 319 you can see that Horikoshi gave us a sneak peak at Enji’s Sad Detective disguise and I in fact made a joke about it in the 319 recap not realizing it was actually the stone cold truth. (3) did Shouto deliberately speed up out of impatience because Hawks was walking so fucking slow and he couldn’t take it any longer. (4) and what, I ask you, is up with these dramatic speedlines. so many mysteries here. what a masterpiece

everyone is acting all shocked about something ahh what’s going on

wait what

what the heck. did they just loop around behind everyone. what was the point of that lol. “anyway, so this is what they look like from the back” well okay, thanks for that Ectoplasm

(ETA: so it seems like they were actually hanging out someplace else away from the crowd this whole time, I guess? here I thought they had more faith in Enji’s disguise. I guess Shouto and Hawks don’t particularly want to attract this crowd’s attention themselves right now either, though.)

I am so fucking confused lmao

speaking of All Might WHERE THE FUCK IS HE lol. but yes, good, OFA brings everyone together, and Hawks is very deeply moved about this out of the blue all of a sudden. you know how it is

aw heck yeah now this is another filler panel I can get behind

Mineta really wants that hug, good lord. I genuinely love this actually. Mineta if you could just stay little and cute and keep crying about how much you love your classmates in a non-gross way for the rest of the series I would be so appreciative. you’re doing great

IIDA IS HOLDING DEKU’S HAND THIS IS NOT A DRILL. ONE TIME WASN’T ENOUGH FOR MY MAN HE’S ADDICTED NOW

what did I tell you. Kiri wants to get all of the mob’s autographs now. Kiri you’re a peach

Shouji having a conversation with another mutant type is a very nice touch! we really need to get to his backstory soon. I feel like that casual remark from GFL earlier was kind of hinting at more to come

is this the first time we’ve ever seen the Yaoyorictionary in action?? never forget that Viz tried to call it the “Yaoyorozu Reference Book” because they hate fun

last but not least, KAMIBAKU IS BACK ON THE MENU, FUCK YEAH. Kaminari trying to spice things up and introduce a little bit of controversy by smacking Kacchan on the back of the head for god knows what. I will be deeply disappointed after this if I can’t find at least one person unironically declaring that KamiBaku is now toxic and abusive

lfkdlWLWK TODODRAMA??

oh my god. Shouto’s face. Enji’s face. the back to “oyaji” again. the blunt, not-taking-no-for-an-answer, “I don’t know how much louder the universe can scream at you that doing things alone is not it, so hopefully you got the point” directness of it. fffdlkslj I’m so ready for this Horikoshi please don’t fuck it up my expectations are so high

HOLY FUCK

I SCROLLED DOWN AND HE WAS ALL “( ❛‿❛)” AND I JUST WASN’T FUCKING EXPECTING THAT OKAY. JESUS CHRIST. GIVE ME A SEC

lol okay moment over and now Enji’s pulling his hat down all dramatically like a world-weary Cowboy

OH MY GOD WERE YOU FACETIMING??

AHHHHHHHHH

(ETA: not to put Iida down or anything, but it’s kind of strange that Aizawa is all “the class rep sure did great” when Ochako is the one that was giving that whole big speech for like twenty minutes just now lol.)

(ETA 2: “thank god Iida stepped in just in the nick of time to keep Mineta from hugging Deku.” sorry Mineta I really do like you lately but it’s still low-hanging fruit lol.)

HE LOOKS SO SAD??! HE LOOKS LIKE HEARTBREAK ITSELF??! I AM BESOUGHT WITH THE URGE TO REACH INTO MY SCREEN AND PULL HIM INTO THE SAFETY OF MY ARMS??? MY GOD, AND I THOUGHT DEKU NEEDED HUGS

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH okay I was gonna just hold down the letter H for a full minute and count it out loud but within about ten seconds I realized I needed to chill lol

-- but then again NO, I DON’T NEED TO CHILL, I HAVE ZERO CHILL, ACTUALLY, BECAUSE IT’S AIZAWA WITH A ROBOT LEG AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

COMPLETE WITH ROBOT TOES FOR THAT EXTRA TOUCH OF AUTHENTICITY!! I LIKE HOW HORIKOSHI PUT ALL THIS EXTRA “!!!” EMPHASIS AROUND IT IN CASE WE COULD SOMEHOW POSSIBLY FAIL TO TAKE NOTICE. “REMEMBER, EVERYONE?” SAYS HORIKOSHI HELPFULLY. “REMEMBER THAT TIME AIZAWA CHOPPED OFF HIS OWN LEG?” oh wow now that you mention it we somehow forgot all about that. like who do you take us for

OH NO NOT THE SAD BOYFRIEND ANGST THAT I WAS SECRETLY LOOKING FORWARD TO WITH GLEE

well at least he’s not M.I.A. or back with the villains again like I thought he might be. still, that’s gotta be brutal to know your friend is in there somewhere, but to not be able to reach him again no matter how hard you try. that’s the kind of angst that pays off in final battles just when you most expect it. such is my hope, at any rate

what’s this now??

trying to decide if this is Horikoshi’s way of saying don’t worry about that, or his way of saying definitely worry about that lol

anyway so Aizawa is out here being all irresponsibly handsome once again. when is someone going to do something about him

here for Sexy Robot Leg Eyepatch Aizawa clenching his fists and making speeches about revenge. pretty sure we’re all here for that

WELL, WELL, WELL

IT’S ABOUT FUCKING TIME

I’M VERY GLAD YOU’RE ALIVE AND SEEMINGLY WELL, THOUGH!

BUT WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK THOUGH, ALL MIGHT

ffff. bracing myself for that cliffhanger next week. you’d better not touch one hair on this man’s head Horikoshi. I’m watching you 

[yoichichi]

Intern!Eren HC

warning(s): none

a/n: some Intern!Eren HC based off my CEO!Levi x secretary!reader post you can read here <- if you’d like :) I got one person requesting it in my inbox and that’s all I needed LOL :) I’d love to hear from you guys in my inbox! Hope you enjoy <3 I’m also gonna be posting more characters from this ~universe so feel free to send in thoughts or ideas !

FIRST OFF HES SO STUPID LIKE PLS

I’m sorry but hear me out:

He’s very intelligent, right. He was well composed in his interview to be an intern, his resume was wonderfully organized full of all kinds of references and experience, he can hold a corporate conversation like nobody’s business, and he’s definitely got this natural charm working for him

But this man can’t work a photo copier for the life of him 😭

He doesn’t know the difference between business casual & smart casual (tbh who tf does)

He is always joking with boss Levi at the WORST times

He’s AWFUL at finding things pls

Someone will tell him to go grab more printer paper from the cabinets in the break room and he’ll just go and stand in there like 🧍

“Cabinets, cabinets... okayyy what one.”

^he definitely talks to himself like that ALL the time but more on that later

But anyways he’ll be searching through all the cabinets and just,,, not see it and he’d start freaking out like oh fuck they’re gonna fire me cause my dumbass can’t find the fuckin printer paper

He’d just come back like

“Um, uh, Miss Parker I couldn’t find the printer paper🧍.”

She’s an older lady in the advertising department of the company that just finds him so endearing pls

so she goes and just opens the first cupboard he looked in and hands it to him like “here sweetie, make sure to open your eyes next time.”

She’s so sweet but poor baby is so red and embarrassed 😭

It’s even worse when she asks him to load it and he just - breaks it

he accidentally pulled too hard trying to open the paper compartment and ripped one of the plastic front pieces off and is just holding it in his hand like 😰

He jus tapes it on w scotch tape and bolts out of the room once it’s loaded and then blames it on Jean when Levi asks why the hell the printer in the front office is broken

“Yeah no I have no idea sir, I think it might’ve been Jean, I mean I saw him in here last buttt, yeah no I really don’t know sorry!”

Queue Eren speed walking to the bathroom so he can collect himself abdjdjajdjf

But on the note of breaking things it’s totally happened more than once

I STRONGLY HC this mf as being clumsy a lil like he just never fully got used to his height after he had his growth spurt

So he has a habit of tripping over himself or hitting his head on cabinets and such

This also means long arms accidentally knocking these over 😭

His first day he reached across his lil intern desk adjacent to Jeans to answer the phone and just completely knocked off his stapler and it kinda came apart

So once he was done with the call he was like no biggie I can fix this :)

And then he spent the next 20 minutes trying to figure out how the hell to put it back together

Levi happened upon him at his desk with google up on his computer, “how to put together stapler”, and he was fiddling with it in his lap and Levi was just 🤨

Eren was so embarrassed and went beet red

But as soon as Jean started chuckling Levi was like “well help him? I’d rather not have a broken stapler and besides, it’d give you two idiots something to do.”

So of course jean was like ok 🙄 but now him and eren have been arguing and BOTH been trying to fix it for another 10 minutes

Levi comes over to check on them and he’s so disappointed he’s just like “give me the fucking stapler” and puts the pieces back together and hands it to eren like 😐.

But yeah, Eren has a tendency to break things LOL

Ok back to mans talking to himself

He can be forgetful when it comes to tasks he needs to do so you’ll often find him walking around the office muttering things to himself like “phone, phone. Listen to the voicemail on the phone.”

And sometimes he’ll sing it to himself instead of speaking it cause it he finds it keeps him entertained 🥺🤲🏼

He also has a bad habit of just humming at his desk period

Jean absolutely hates it, especially when the songs Eren’s humming get stuck in Jeans head LMAO

Levi implied he was proud of Erens work ~once and he almost cried, he had to excuse himself and Miss Parker thought he was gonna throw up

One time Levi joked about long hair not being dress code and immediately had to take it back before Eren and Jean had a crisis at their desk

But even with his little quirks and shenanigans he takes his internship very seriously and is highly knowledgeable about the core responsibilities of the job, which is definitely a reason Levi accepted his application in the first place

Eren is so punctual it’s insane, he hasn’t missed a single day at his internship and has never been more than a minute late

And he’s so cute always asking Levi what he could do better at the end of his day or if there’s anything else he needs from him

At some point Levi had to ask him to only ask it once a week cause he has other things to worry about too 😭

But Levi did admire his determination to improve

Eren may be a little silly but he’ll be damned if he’s gonna lose this internship <3

————————

Eeeeek okok so this is officially a part of my CEO!levi universe LMAO any work that is based in this will be tagged appropriately! I’m also thinking of posting a pt.2 to this with reader 😏! Lemme know if you guys are interested! I’ll be having some more works come out with other aot boys in this universe too :)! Anyways yes I’d love any and all thoughts <3

requests are open

-🐇out

taglist: @plutowrites @armins-futon @peachysimp (if you’d like to be added to aot, hq, mha, or a mixture of those jus lemme know!)

[nerdyfangirl67]

44, 50, 15, and 12 off of the list of prompts you recently added if that’s okay, they range from fluff to hurt/comfort! Spencer x Reader, any pronouns is fine! Thank you so much, and if you can’t do this right now, that’s okay, don’t worry about it! I hope you have a lovely day 💛

Pairing: Spencer Reid x GN!reader

A/N: Prompts are bolded in the fic. I’ll be honest, I enjoy writing Spencer but always fear that I’m not writing him true to character. If you think he’s OOC in this one, please let me know. (I got a bit carried away with this one, so it’s longer than I expected 😬😅, like I should have just written an actual fic out of it) Thank you so much for the request darling! I hope you enjoy this one 😁❤️

44. "You're bleeding — how long have you been hiding this?!"

50. "I need you to live… cause if you’re gone I don’t know what the point of it all is anymore.”

15. “That smile could light up a room.”

12. "You’ll always have me.”

Warnings: language, CM level violence,

You breathe out a shaky breath, wondering when the drastic shift in your day had occurred, when the positive start you’d had on the day had been completely negated. Hell, you’d woken up that morning feeling happier than you had in a long time, and you knew it had everything to do with a certain tall, curly haired federal agent.

——

You slowly stretch your arms over your head, relishing in the feeling of loosening your stiff muscles, as you let out a yawn. You let your eyes adjust to the brightened room as you feel a small smile grow on your face. It was Saturday morning, you didn’t have work and you knew that Spencer hadn’t been called into the BAU (yet), meaning the plan for a relaxing, lazy Saturday, something you hadn’t done in a long time, was still on.

“That smile could light up a room.” A voice, still rough with sleep, catches your attention and you turn your eyes towards the door. Leaning against the door frame, is Spencer, his curly hair still tousled from sleep, accompanied by a shy smile and a bright pair of hazel eyes, twinkling with mirth.

You can feel your face heat up at his forward compliment, not accustomed to Spencer blatantly flirting with you. “That’s the kind of cheesy one-liner I usually say to you.” You laugh lightly, peeking out from the cocoon of blankets you were still wrapped in.

The shy smile turns into a wide grin as Spencer saunters up to his side of the bed, turning around to fall backwards onto the mattress. You can’t help but giggle as you watch him awkwardly make his way up until his head is in your lap.

“It’s sounds cheesy but it’s true Y/N. Your smile is absolutely breathtaking.” He whispers as he looks up at you and you can’t help but think the same thing about his.

——

“Fucking look at me.” The man yells, causing you to snap your eyes to his, despite everything in you telling you not to.

“I told you to stand up and move towards the register, so fucking do it.” His voice is louder this time, his face splotchy and red with anger as his dark, cold eyes bore into you.

You can feel your heart beating rapidly in your chest as you scramble to stand up, trying your best to avoid looking at the gun in his hand that he’d been so carelessly waving around. Your fingers had just closed around the forgotten key sitting in the lock on the cash register when you hear someone let out a loud shout, followed quickly by two gun shots.

You don’t even look as you instinctively bend down behind the checkout counter. Your heartbeat thumps loudly, the sound of which echoes in your ears like the beat of a battle drum, drowning out all the other noise. Fear grabs at you tightly as you remember just who had been with you in the dingy little gas station; Spencer. Without a thought for your own safety, you hurry out from behind the checkout counter, scanning the small linoleum covered room for Spencer.

After a few moments, in which time seems to pass by infinitely slow, you find him, crouched behind an end display, watching the gunman. You keep your eyes on the shooter, who had gotten tired of waiting and had started looking for the safe, as you dash over to Spencer’s side. You feel an odd twinge of pain in your side as you run, but chalk it up to being of shape.

Spencer immediately turns his attention to you, a hand coming up to softly caress your face while he wordlessly asks you if you’re alright. You give him a sharp nod, scanning his body for any obvious injuries and thankfully finding none. Your breathing starts to return to normal, the adrenaline moving slower through your body now that there isn’t a gun being pointed at your head. A wave of pain washes over you, causing you to desperately clutch at your side. You realize, as your hand comes away sticky and wet with blood, that you’re bleeding.

It takes everything in you not to gasp out loud at the realization, not wanting Spencer to figure out what was happening. You bit your tongue as a wave of dizziness washes over you, trying to focus all your concentration on staying upright.

“Y/N?” His voice is soft and concerned as he turns slightly toward you. His eyes widen as he notices the growing dark spot around the middle of your shirt. "You're bleeding — how long have you been hiding this?!" He asks incredulously, his voice rising a pitch as he hurriedly pulls up the edge of your shirt to look at the wound.

You let out a hiss of pain at the sudden movement before cautiously looking down at it yourself. Your whole lower torso is covered in slick, half dried blood, coming from a wound in your upper hip. Spencer starts to probe around it, but you recoil quickly.

“Son of a-” You breathe out through clenched teeth. “Watch it Spence.”

He withdraws his hands immediately, a nervous manner overtaking him as he does. “Sorry Y/N, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” You give him a small nod, showing him you understand and forgive him. As another wave of dizziness washes over you, you slowly settle back against the shelf behind you, leaning up against Spencer to ensure you wouldn’t fall over.

“Hey, hey.” His voice is soft but his tone sharp enough to grab your attention. “Stay awake for me. The teller pressed the emergency button under the counter when the guy pulled out his gun, so based on statistics and the average call time for the DC police department, they should be here in three minutes and twenty seconds.” A small smile tugs at the corner of your mouth upon hearing his words. It was so completely Spencer to be spouting out facts at a time like this and you couldn’t help but love him a little bit more because of it.

The next three minutes, and twenty seconds, passes by in a blur and before you know it, the gun man is being hauled out of the convenience store in handcuffs and a pair of paramedics are wheeling you towards an ambulance. Spencer’s hand, linked tightly with your own, is the only thing reminding you that this isn’t a dream.

He sits perched on the edge of his seat, his body poised and waiting to attend to you. You tighten your grip on his hand as the paramedic’s hand grazes sharply across the wound in your side.

Spencer leans forward, his eyes searching yours. "I need you to live… cause if you’re gone I don’t know what the point of it all is anymore.” He whispers to you, his head blocking out some of the bright overhead light out of your eyes as he leans forward towards you.

You don’t pay any mind to the young paramedic who is now currently poking and prodding at you when you murmur back. "You’ll always have me.” He picks up the hand he hasn’t let go of since you’d been loaded into the ambulance and presses a soft kiss to the inside of your palm. “As improbable as that sounds, I hope it’s true.”

Tagging: @madamsnape921 @thisiscalm-andits-doctor @captainxholmes

[moral-turpitudes]

I’ll Follow You Into The Dark:

Masterlist | Rules | Peaky Prompts

Trigger Warnings: ANGST, Explosions, Mentions of Blood, Gore etc, and some Fluff.

*Based on Fluff Prompt #1 from my Peaky Prompts list.*

Word Count: 1,695

Characters: Thomas Shelby x Reader

Requested: Yes

Requested by: Anon, you can find it here.

Summary: When Thomas and the rest of the blinders head towards a trap, Y/N has to decide if they’ll stay behind or go with them. Knowing that they vowed to be with him until death.

“If heaven and hell decide That they both are satisfied Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs If there's no one beside you When your soul embarks Then I'll follow you into the dark”

- Death Cab for Cutie

The sound of explosions rang faintly in the distance as you held your hands over your ears, the impact dulling your hearing as a sharp ringing filled them.

“Tom!” You yelled into the void, hoping to hear him through the chaos.

Silence.

Your heart pounded in your chest as you crawled through the sharp debris, looking for the bomb that was set off nearby, hoping to find the remnants of the man who taunted your family and made the fatal mistake of stepping in his own trap. His evil smirk etching it’s way into your memory as he walked in the lavish room ever-so carefully. Thinking he’d be able to avoid the perilous wires near his foot as you spotted them before he did, your warning causing him to take his final step. Your hands soon scraping through the chunks of drywall and broken glass as the dust and smoke burned your eyes and lungs, your mind racing with finding the man whom you’d followed that day into the trenches, so-to-speak. 

Every Peaky Blinders mission for Thomas was like a battle, his mind always set on planning attacks to escape the scraping sound of the shovels against the hot, dark tunnels. But as always, no matter how many times he tried to stay one step ahead of his rivals, someone always got in the way. 

It started out as an ordinary day, Thomas calling a meeting and giving orders to head to the latest location on his mental hit-list. The name making your heart sink as you realized he was walking into a trap. The infamous, cunning gang leader you’d came to share a bed with was going to waltz right into what he swore he never would.

“Any questions?” He asked, his eyes lingering on yours as he blew out a puff of smoke.

Everyone nodded along except you, knowing the people they were going after were just as dangerous. That week, the rival gang had crossed the line, threatening and taunting the Shelby family with letters and fake explosives just to remind them of “who really ran the town.” One of them said in a tense phone call to Thomas, setting off the chain of events leading up to now.

The decision to leave your clerical duties was a rash one. Nervously following your husbands car to their destination. Once there, you parked a ways back, behind a slew of trees. Your steps light against the cobblestones as you got closer to them, knowing in your heart you had to warn him, even if it was the last thing you’d say to the man you loved.

“Tommy! Wait!” You said loudly, your heart racing from the effort it took to catch up to him and his brothers.

“Y/N...you need to go back to the shop, it’s not safe. Go.” He said lowly, not wanting to call attention to you all.

“I came here to warn you Tom. Remember when you sent me to sit in on their meeting at the pub? They mentioned a trap. I-I didn’t think much of it then, but after the threats...Tom I know it’s a trap. If you go in there now you won’t make it out.” You said as tears formed in your eyes, your nerves getting to you as you struggled to speak. 

“I have to, love. Now go.” He said, kissing you quickly. 

“No. I’m going with you.” You said defiantly, pulling out the handgun he gave you, checking to make sure it was fully loaded.

He had a pained look on his face as he nodded, knowing he wasn’t going to be able to change your mind. You’d been a good shot in the past, but that didn’t exactly mean much when explosives were concerned.

You all had barely made it through the first floor of the large manor before the first one went off. Thomas shoving you to the ground, shielding you from the small debris falling through the air. As the haze cleared, you sat up, feeling Thomas pull you to the nearest wall, yelling orders at his brothers before checking his bullets.

“Keep your eyes peeled for the wires yeah? Stay behind me.” He said, opening the door as the dust covered space cleared. You walked closely behind, quietly looking at the ground for any signs of the deadly wires as you heard yelling upstairs. Arthur was shouting amongst gunfire, and John sounded like he was scrapping with one of the men they were after.

Thomas roughly took your hand, leading you up the stairs in a sideways motion, backs towards the wall, checking around the corner with a quick glance before a bullet whizzed past your head. A scream caught in your throat as you realized how close you were to the darkness of death itself. Thomas soon returned fire, the screams of the man he hit echoing through the stone hallway that led to his brothers.

Upon arrival, you flanked your husband, pointing your gun at the man holding John down as Thomas shot the other.

“Get off of him!” You yelled, catching the mans attention enough to where John could get a punch in. The man hurling himself angrily at you soon enough until you shakily shot him. The man falling limp to the ground within seconds. Your hands shook as you took in the sight, trying to distract yourself from the blood by looking at the ground for more wires.

Almost as soon as you’d said that though, the man who’d sent you all the taunting letters came in with a menacing smirk, stepping in a weird way so as not to disturb the floor. But your eyes saw the colored wires poking out ever so slightly, your brain wondering how in the hell you all avoided it earlier.

“Everybody down!” You yelled, causing the man to misstep, setting it off. The wind soon knocked out of you as the blast hurled everyone to the ground. The ceiling caving in in various places as well as part of the floor below you.

You felt yourself relax as you breathed in the smoke, feeling as though you were going to pass out from the ordeal. The sharp pain of the glass shards stuck in your now shredded coat the only thing keeping you clinging to consciousness. As you closed your eyes, you pictured what life would be like if he’d never had the family business thrust upon him after the war. How he’d have probably married you sooner and how you’d probably be chasing little kids around by now in a big house on the outskirts of town. But now, reality set in as Arthur’s shouts came through the muddled noise, Johns following not too far behind as they ran towards you, grabbing you up in the knick of time. The once lavish building crumbling before your eyes as you knew the one you loved was most likely gone.

“Tom!” You called out, hands still scraping through the rubble of the first floor as Arthur and John dug through the rest of the larger stuff. Tears visibly splattering on the dust covered floor, the tiles smashed beyond repair.

Your heart ached knowing you’d never find him as you scraped through the debris, your hearing slowly coming back and eyes watering as you continued on, stopping once a hand reached out from one of the corners.

“Y/N.....” Thomas said weakly, his arm badly cut and his face busted up as he spat up blood, most likely from his busted lip or the jagged stone poking him in the chest. It most definitely broke a few ribs, causing him too much pain to move as he thought about what to do, even though he couldn’t do much of anything at the moment.

It seemed like he waited longer now, than he did for the calvary in France, for his brothers to make it to where he was. Helping him up despite his loud groans of pain.

You watched in horror as they drove him to the hospital, his face paling as you followed behind their car, hoping that neither heaven nor hell would take him, even though he belonged to the latter. Hoping that he would stay here, for you. For his family.

Hours had slowly passed until you’d gotten word he was going to make it, the doctors saying he was damn well close to dying by the time they’d got him in surgery.

“There you are love.” He said weakly, the meds doing his head in as he saw you walk in carrying his beloved cigarettes and his bloodstained coat. Your own body covered in various bandages as you sat next to his bed.

“I thought you were dead.” You said, tears rolling down your cheeks as he cupped your face with his hand. A small, pained laugh escaping his lips.

“You can’t get rid of me that easily, Y/N.” He said. Knowing he might as well have nine lives with as close he’s been to death over the years.

“I know...” you said shortly, holding his bruised hand in yours that were bandaged up.

“But...please promise me...that next time you’ll listen to me. At least when I know it’s a trap alright?” You asked, concern lacing your every feature as you felt him pull your hand to his lips, kissing the top of it gently.

“I will, but promise me something as well.” He said.

“What?” You asked.

“Promise me you won’t follow me next time. You shouldn’t have to risk your life for me.” He said, a serious look in his tired, blood-shot eyes.

“I can’t promise that Tommy. I’ll follow you into the dark not matter what. I fucking vowed to you know.” You said, pointing at the diamond on your ring finger.

“Aye, but you’re my partner. Can’t have you dying too.” He said.

“That is true, but what is love without sacrifice?” You said, giving him a light kiss as he pulled you close despite his injuries. Wanting to feel you beside him, to know that he wasn’t stuck in the rubble anymore, to know that he had you, and you had him.

Thomas Shelby Tag List:

@msbzowy, @nofckingfighting, @aranoburns, @sighonahurricane, @ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes, @gaytommyshelby,  @fifty-shadesof-tommyshelby, @inglourious-imagines, @thebloodyshelbys, @tsolomons, @blinder-secrets, @reveparade, @shelby-fanatic, @ta-ka-shi-ma, @psychkunox, @peakyxtommy, @captivatedbycillianmurphy,@dreamwastakenx,

@lovemissyhoneybee @thomashelbyswhore​, @xxbeckybeexx-blog

If you’d like to be added/removed just send me an ask or message! :)

[sif-the-tsunami]

When I Was His Wife

“Well I was looking forward to/ staying here forever/ ‘cause you asked me to/ Didn’t think I could do better/ So I settled down/ in this ten cent town/ it’s about to break me.” These are the Best Years of my Life- Pistol Annies

This is the follow up to “When You Fall Apart” Which is one of my favorites that I’ve written.

(there is Sy just carrying the weight of all of my own internal chaos)

A/N thank you for everyone who encouraged me to write this, I adore Sy as a character. He seemed like someone who could pull off the impossible. I made some choices in here that not everyone will agree with. Tell me I’m wrong in the comments an we can discuss it there.

Pairing: Sy and Josephine

Warnings: again all of them. discussion of infidelity, Discussion of child loss, discussion of unprotected sexual intercourse, headbutting, day drinking, self medicating, therapy, swearing fealty on ones hunting knife, discussion of knife play, I’m probably missing something

 Everything is going below the cut this time to save anyone who doesn’t like this kind of stuff from unpleasantness.

word count just shy of 7.5K

Thank you to @inlovewithhisblueeyes for letting me bounce ideas off of you, love you sweet girl

tagging: @oddsnendsfanfics @willkatfanfromasia @rocket44 @feralrunaway @littlewrenofrivia​  @summersong69​  @coffeebooksandfandom​ @klaine-92​ @nothingright​ @cavillsim​ @watery-lane​ @above-average-ass-bitch 

unbeta’d

I slept for the next two days, Mama only woke me up long enough to drink some water once she started worrying about me. She managed to wrangle my out of my clothes and into one of Daddy’s shirts we got him that she left in the drawer. My phone was dead, but thankfully Mama and I had the same kind so I could charge it today. What fresh hell was going to be waiting for me on my digital leash? I lay there for a while, the murmur of conversation in the other room was comforting. Mama left a fresh glass of water some time recently, it was still chilly with only a little condensation forming around the sides. The ache in my chest was almost unbearable. The hole in my heart was Syverson sized, being sober made the edges of that abyss feel even more raw and pronounced. I don’t know if my liver could handle me drowning my sorrow much more, but I would give anything to not feel it. I need to make this feeling of worthlessness go away.

When I finally decided to rejoin the land of the living, Mama and my brother Teddy were talking at the kitchen table, discussing about if they should come with me to go get my things or if I should call the sheriff’s office to be monitored. I stayed behind the corner long enough to let them finish what they were going on about.

“If I know Jo well enough, she’s going to need someone to keep her from burning the whole house down with him in it tied to a chair,” my brother chuckled. “She’s been taking care of herself for years. You should have seen how she handled one of these girls who came up to us once on Post.

“Jo was loading up the car when this prissy little thing came walking up, she must have thought she was some kind of hot shit. You would have been so proud of her Mama, the girl said to her that she had been sleeping with James during their deployment. All Jo said back to her was ‘You’ve both been back for something like three months, right, have you seen him since?’ Little Miss Hot Shit stuttered and said ‘Well not yet,’ like she had been really holding out that he was going to. ‘He doesn’t have my new phone number.’ Jo just tiled her head to the side. Smiled at her real sweetly and told her, ‘Baby girl, he’s not going to. He knows how to find you. You were just a rental car to him, sweetie bell. Ford Fiestas are fun as hell to ride but let’s be honest, you aren’t going to pick a Fiesta over the Mercedes Benz you have at home. You aren’t the first and you sure as hell won’t be the last, now go on and get out of here before I ruin the rest of your day like you tried to ruin mine.’ One of the other officer’s wives came up to her and said she was amazed that she handled her so well without breaking Miss Prissy Pant’s face. She just said ‘I’m too pretty to go to prison, Kathy.’ And we hoped in the car. You raised one tough lady, Mama.”

“How many times has that happened, Theodore, I need to know.”

“She has only told me about four women meeting her face to face. The two pregnant girls who got knocked up to get out of their deployments, Prissy Pants, and one who thought that James was in love with her. She evidently broke down in tears on the tarmac when Josie jumped into his arms and he swung her around. But she would get letters tucked into the windshield of her car for months whenever he returned from deployment.”

“You two kept this from me for years, why?”

“Jo said that this was her problem, don’t you remember how you handled it when her first boyfriend ran out on her on prom night? She cried to you and Dad, and you just told her that no one is worth weeping over. She’s just been trying to make you proud, Mama. Daddy might have known because I know they had a really nasty fight about a month before he died.”

I walked out after that. Mama’s eyes were red, “Good morning, baby, do you want pancakes? Bacon and eggs? What do you want, Darlin’?”

“Coffee would be a good start.” I rasped. “Can I use your charger?”

“It’s right here. Cream and sugar?”

“Black as my sense of humor, please Mama.” I said, Teddy chuckled again. I reached over and squeezed my brother’s shoulder. “Hey, I’m glad you’re here.”

“I got to look after my little sissy.” He replied using what he called me growing up. “So what are we doing to get over Jimmy?”

“I was thinking tattoos and day drinking?”

“Atta’ girl, Josie. Fuck that douche canoe.”

As soon as my phone was able to turn on, it sat on the counter vibrating for the next five minutes.  Six missed calls from James. And seventy text messages. A few from stores I shop at, but the majority were from my husband.

“Ugh, I just don’t feel like dealing with this right now.” I said as my mom put my coffee in front of me.

“Just leave him on read. I doubt he’s hurting for company.”  Mama said, in almost a snarl. I looked through a few messages. The last one was from this morning. Sweetheart, I’m worried sick about you, I miss you. Please talk to me?

“Ted, do you want to go with me to Walmart so I can get a couple day’s worth of clothes, I am just not ready to go back and I can’t live in Daddy’s old shirts.”

“Of course, we can get some booze while we are there.”

“Get yourself a bathing suit while you are there, honey, its going to be beautiful today and you can go for a swim.” Mama added.

I texted James back finally as I finished my coffee. I’m sorry I worried you, Sy, I have literally been asleep since I got here. I’m not ready.

I understand. I’m sorry, I should have seen how much I’ve been hurting you. I swear to God, I really do love you. Please, let me know what I can do for you.

Yeah, you should have, James. You should have seen how bad you’ve been treating me. You can drop off the face of the earth, that’s what you can do for me, I think spitefully. Thankfully, Mama washed my yoga pants and tank top. It would have to be alright for now. My brother let me wear one of his extra flannel shirts he kept in the back of his car. An hour later, Ted and I were at the store, picking up chips, dip, and cheap champagne. Mama loved mimosas, so I thought it was the least I could do. I grabbed a couple of sun dresses and a bikini, if I was going to be gone for a few days, I was going to come back home looking refreshed, radiant even, and not like the hot pile of garbage I was feeling like. I made a small detour to the cosmetics department, got myself a couple of face masks, hair dye, and sun screen.

“Really? Dark brown, Josie?”

“That’s as close to my natural color as I can, I’m tired of the blonde highlights. I think after this I might just let it come in. Grays and all. Who ever loves me next is going to have to just deal with me as nature intended.”

“I’m proud of you. Do you think you will leave him for good?” He said, Ted has always been very protective of me.

“Well, I certainly can’t leave him for evil, can I?” Making him laugh. One the way outside there was a truck near the front of the store with a sign that read “Puppies for sale.”

“Teddy, we need to see these puppies.” I gasped. Walking up to the truck bed I saw the sweetest little German Shepard puppies. I reached in and they all started flopping all over the place trying to get pets and love. Maybe a puppy was exactly what my hurting heart needed. We haven’t had a dog since Aika passed away. It was looking like I would never have a baby but maybe this was the kind I needed. Puppy snuggles would definitely make that Syverson shaped hole less painful.

“I’ll buy you a puppy if you divorce James.” Ted said to me, half joking.

“Shit, I can afford the puppy, pay for the divorce.” I jest back. “How much for one of the precious babies?”

“$500 a pup, mom has a pedigree, but daddy was the neighbor’s sneaky bastard.” The woman also petting the puppies said. “Mama is in the front if you want to meet her, daddy is very friendly as well.”

I start laughing uncontrollably. With tears in my eyes, I ask if any of the puppies are girls, and she pulls   out a beautiful little one with floppy ears and the biggest smile I had ever seen on a dog. Oh yeah, she was meant for me.

“I’ll take her, do you take checks?” I think I’m ready to start healing.

*****

“Josephine, that son of a bitch you call your husband is here to see you.” Mama shouts from the house. It’s Sunday afternoon now, Teddy and I have exhausted all the snacks and mimosas hours ago and now we were sobering up by the pool. My new baby girl is laying next to my sun chair, chewing on her bone, wearing a pretty pink collar.

“Well, might as well let him out here.” I shout back.

“Are you sure, I can kick his ass to the curb if you want me to, baby.”

“Its okay Mama, I can handle him myself.” Sy walks out in the back yard a couple minutes later. I’m guessing Mama threatened to stick him in a meat grinder.

“I deserved that.” He said, looking thoroughly admonished. “You changed your hair, it looks really good...

“Oh bless your heart, James. That’s not even half of what you deserve.” Ted spoke up before he could finish, not moving his face towards him. He lay there in his swim trunks and dark sunglasses.

“Oh great, all three of you have been drinking. I can tell this is going to go well...” James sighed. “Who is this cutie pie, did your Ma get a new dog?”

“She’s my dog, her name is Stella Rosa.”

“I don’t think anyone asked you to come, Colonel Sanders, what are you doing here?” Ted snapped.

“Hey, I got this, okay? I’m a big girl, please, go in the house. The fuck are you doing here James?” I lift my sun glasses up.

“She’s a very sweet pup. Yeah, you are a good girl for your mama, aren’t you? I came to see you. I want to bring you home, baby, I miss you.” He’s checking out my fresh tan in my new bikini. Subtly, but he does it.

“I’m not ready. I’m not even ready to talk to you. Why would you think that I even want to come home?”

“I don’t know, I asked myself that the entire drive here. I don’t know what I’m even going to do with myself when I go home alone. Pussycat, I can’t begin to think of life without you. I know I fucked up. And I know I can’t take that back. You asked me the other day what I kept that was special just between us. I should have answered you then. All those nights where you fell asleep with your head on my chest, the evenings laying in the back of the truck looking at the stars after driving around trying to find the best nachos in town. And, baby, no matter where we go, yours are always the best. No one else ever got moments like that. You are the only woman I want to slow dance with in the middle of the night.

“You are the only person in the world that I would wait four hours in the freezing cold to get the best brisket in Austin for because you were craving bbq when we were still, you know...” He paused. I don’t think he ever stopped blaming himself for what happened. His knees were never the same after that accident, and usually whenever he stood up from kneeling, they clicked and popped painfully. He leaned a little closer spreading his legs and reached down to pet Stella. She seemed a little leery of him. It is easy to be cynical given the circumstances, but there is something about the way he is talking to me, I haven’t heard him be this earnest in years.

“When was the last time you were with someone other than me?” I can’t bring myself to look at him. I keep my eyes anywhere but on him. My body aches so badly for him to just wrap his arms around me. I miss him.

“When I got held up in Kuwait for two weeks in December...”

“December? You mean when you missed my fucking birthday. Goddammit James...” And the ache is gone. My heart shattered again. He’s going to make me cry again.

“Hey, it was after your birthday, and it was a hate fuck because I was mad that I broke yet another promise to you.”

“That doesn’t make it better.” I snap. “How many that deployment?”

“Just the one. And she’s someone who I knew was more discreet because we had that arrangement before.”

“I swear on my Daddy’s grave that if you are lying to me right now, I will end you Syverson. You couldn’t have waited a few more days?”

“I had no idea when I was going home. We boarded that fucking plane three times and had to turn back because there was a problem with it. I was two seconds away from tearing apart the first Private that so much as looked at me sideways. It felt like, at the time, the less terrible choice.”

“They sound both pretty shitty to me. You are a fucking adult James, you have to be able to control yourself or at least be responsible for your actions. If this is what you think love is, I would rather you hate me.” I stand up. Stella wags her tail excited to get away.

“Josephine, please...” He grasps my wrist, not hard, but there wasn’t anyway I was going to be able to get out of his big hand.

“Please what? Please stay so you can keep treating me like this. There are some people in this world who have no problem playing second or third fiddle, they are just thankful they are in the band. But I deserve to be your first chair, or I don’t want to play at all.”

“Mama wants to know if the jackass is staying for dinner.” Ted shouts at us.

“He going!” “I’m staying!” we yell over each other. He’s not looking at me, he’s not even looking at the pup. His eyes are somewhere else, mentally for a second he is somewhere else also.

“Baby…  I… You have always been my first chair. There is no one else on earth like you. I have never done anything with these women as an act of love. It was always been, and I mean always, just a way to scratch an itch. Every time I was gone, every time things got bad, getting to come home to you was the thing that keep me going, Jo. You have been my safe harbor for the worst parts of my life.”

“James… That doesn’t excuse what you’ve done. You aren’t the man I fell for anymore. This isn’t healthy.” He let go of my wrist, and rubs his face. Those beautiful eyes of his have seen so much. For the first time I think he actually looks… broken. Is this the remorse I have been wanting to see? I try not to keep scores, especially when it comes to my loved ones. But for the first time since things went sour, he looks like I hurt him as much as he has hurt me.

Maybe there was love between us once. However there are just two broken hearts for now.

“Come on in the house, I can at least feed you before I send you back.”

“I think I will just go,” he says it quietly. “I don’t want to be a burden on you.”

“Don’t be like that, I am still cooking like I’m making dinner for you, so its way too much for the three of us. Come on in, I made carnitas.”

“I’ll be in, I just need a minute.” He refuses to let me see him cry if he’s not waking up screaming, even after all this time. Whenever we could have a healing moment, he pushes me out. I went inside, and started setting the table.

“Are we poisoning his tacos?” Teddy asked me.

“That’s not the worst idea I’ve heard today.” Mama interjected.

“No, and don’t start anything. He’s eating dinner with us, don’t either of you make him feel bad. I already did that.” Sy walked in at that moment, those blue eyes of his rimmed with red. He looked defeated. The four of us ate our dinner in silence. There was a time where he would have made some kind of comment about eating me out when we had tacos. He looked at me once during the meal, I think he remembered it too. He offered to clear the plates when were all done and sat in uncomfortable silence. The cockiness I had grown accustomed to over the years was gone.

He carried himself like this when we lost our baby, he can’t take that kind of humility. At least not with me.

“Sy...” I waited until the others were out of the room. “Do you still want me to come home with you?”

“Not if it means all we are going to do is get a divorce. I can’t see you every day knowing that I will never get to be yours again. I let them do a lot of terrible things to me over the years, but that… that I can’t handle.” His voice cracked. “If you want out, I will give you everything you ask for. I won’t fight you. But please, give me a chance to fight for you.”

“I don’t think you are exactly in a position to make that that request.” I lean against the counter across the room from him.

“No, I’m not.” he half smirked, “I don’t deserve you.”

“Look, I’m not saying that this can’t still all explode in our faces. But I miss my best friend and that has always been the best part of us. It will never be the same as it was before, it can’t be. However, if you are willing to work with me, I am willing to see if we there is any salvageable. If nothing else, we both need therapy very badly. We can’t just shrug this off. The second that it goes back to where we were, I’m gone.”

“Okay. I’ll do it.” He sniffs hard, and his breath is broken up, tucking his arms against himself. Usually its in authority, this time hes just trying to hug himself. I gesture him to come over and I hug him. He wraps his arms around then envelopes me. Leaning his head on mine, he whispers “I’ll do whatever you want, my darlin.”

I told my mom that I would be going home, she sighed at me. “Do you think this is the best idea?”

“I don’t know, Mama. I think I just want some closure. I told him if he so much as sneezes out of line that I’m gone. Forever. There will be no more chances.”

“Well, baby, I trust you. You are always welcome back here if you need to get away.”

While I’m packing my stuff into the shopping bags I had, I hear a sudden crack and Sy groans then swears. “yeah, I deserved that too.”

“What the fuck did you just do, Theodore?” I yell coming out. Ted was still holding my husband’s hand, and Sy was holding his face. “Did you… just headbutt him?”

“Yes, I did. My sister my might be willing to move past your mistakes, but I’m not. However, I’ve always been the petty one in the family. Hurt her again, they will have to dig your nuts out of your chest cavity, do we understand each other?”

“Yep, perfectly.” Sy grimaced. There were very few men that he would not retaliate against. Teddy, at 6’5, and years of horse wrangling, was one of them. Sy was build like a brick shit house, but so was my big brother. I thought we were old enough to not resort to violence, I have been wrong before.

My probably, potentially, soon to be ex-husband put mine and Stella’s things in the back bench of his truck. I held her in the crook of my arm as I climbed up in the cab. He gently shut the door for me, I noticed his shiner was going to be pretty gnarly in the morning.

He climbed into the other side as I set little Stella down on the floor. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it was a cheap shot, I’ll be fine. At this point, I don’t want to rock the boat with your brother and Ma. She tore me a new asshole before I got outside today.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t changed your mind, say to hell with me and that I’m not worth the hassle.”

“Josephine, I might not have made the appropriate effort to show you how much you mean to me, but you are worth it.” The Syverson shaped hole in my heart roared. Why couldn’t he have been this way all along?

We talked about the girl at the movies, and how she was one of his new officers. She might have come on to him, but he never engaged with her outside of work related things. He told her several times that he wasn’t interested but she was persistent. I halfway apologized for trying to decapitate him with a tequila bottle. He acknowledged that this was a long time coming.  This was the most we had talked about anything deep for months. I don’t know if it was too little and too late though.

The rest of the drive home we made a plan of action. He would move into the office and would stay in there until I invited him back into my bed. We would start couple’s therapy as soon as we could. He would also start seeing a therapist individually. Before we got into town I also told him my final request for our reconciliation. I wanted to see other people. I had been with him since I was nineteen, I have never faltered in my devotion to him. I wanted to see if he was really the one for me.

When I got home, I poured out the rest of my alcohol, save for a bottle of champagne I was saving for our anniversary. He took Stella outside to go potty and came back singing her name “Stella bella, who is a good girl? Your Mama picks good puppies, yes she does. Good girl, Stella bella.”

Stella came prancing back to me with her tail wagging happily. He walked up behind me, and grazes the backs of my arms gently with his knuckles, leaning down to kiss my neck. “Not yet, Sy. I don’t want us to complicate things more than they already are.”

“Josie, what do you mean?”

“I don’t want to have sex with you until we start therapy.”

“So you want us to stop having sex, sleep in separate rooms and at some point you want to start seeing other men.” He starts nodding. He lets out a deep sigh and closes his eyes. “Okay, it that’s what you want to do. I was thinking about getting my stuff out of the bedroom so I can try to get some sleep. I love you, Pussycat. I’ll see you in the morning.” And with that, James went to bed. He was snoring on the couch in the office by the time I went to go lay down.      

****

It took us three weeks to get into see a couples therapist. It felt a little validating about my decision that we shouldn’t sleep together until we have really decided to try or not. She had me stay behind and talk with her for another half an hour the first time we met.  She asked me why I wanted to save my marriage with Sy if he’s hurt me for years.

“I don’t rightly know,” I told her. “Maybe its because when we are good we are so damn good. Before we were married, I was warned, I knew that things happened overseas and I shouldn’t take it personally, he’s just a man and not a saint. I never have had a doubt in my mind about if he’s been faithful when he’s been here until recently when a woman he knows started acting weird around me. The love we had was so passionate, like sometimes he thought that if he couldn’t put his hands on me I would disappear. I don’t think I will ever find someone who can love me like that again.”

The therapist suggested that he starts getting treated for PTSD and anger management while we all were working together. I would also have my own separate sessions to work on my own issues. It took a few months but I started seeing small differences in how he was handling things at work that pissed him off. He was able to defuse himself more easily. He became more open with his feelings. I think it helped that we both stopped drinking. We could be a little volatile when we had a pitcher (or three) of margaritas.

There were days with our sessions where we leave emotionally exhausted and not speak to each other the rest of the day, some of them ended in peals of laughter, others where I would cry for most of it. We discussed the infidelity at great lengths. I don’t want to rehash the details but it was definitely one of the bad days. But it seems that the root cause was him using the only the other women for comfort after fairly traumatic events. It’s why it only happened on deployments. He needed to feel something other than pain.

The lack sexual intimacy between the two of us made James start to get creative to initiate closeness between the two of us. He started helping me make dinner on the weekends, or he would bring me my coffee in the morning the way I like it. Mama and Teddy started coming over occasionally for suppers. It was nice to have the house filled with laughter. We started talking again like when we first started dating. He would take the time to go with me grocery shopping.

He started asking me out on dates again. Myself, him and Stella would drive out to the country, with a picnic basket that he would even prepare himself and we would go star gazing like we used to. I loved seeing the effort, but that hole still ached in my chest the whole time. The pieces should have all fit together, but here I was still not sure I could commit to him for the rest of my life.

On one of these dates, he asked me what I thought about him retiring. He had been in for almost nineteen years at this point and had far exceeded is expectations for being in the Army as an officer.

“I kind of just want to sell off all our extra shit and buy a really nice Air-stream. We can pull it with my truck. Just travel up and down the continent, I know you always have wanted to see the Northern Lights, we can just go anywhere. Me, you and Stella would visit where ever we could find a parking spot.”

“That sounds nice, Sy.” It came out a little half hearted.

“You don’t sound convinced, sweetheart.” He said, started sounding concerned.

“Hun, I don’t want to have a fight right now, so please just let me get this off my chest.” I sigh. And then I told him about the pain in my chest that I’ve had since my night in jail. That sometimes, like tonight, it was only a dull ache. That other times the edges are still so sharp that it feels like the pain was going to swallow me whole. He sits up, jaw dropped.

“Why haven’t you told me this before? I… Jo… son of a bitch.” He groans. He lays back down, the same defeated tone came back that I hadn’t heard since Mama’s house. “I’m trying my best, Josephine, but I feel like I have one hand tied behind my back… you will never love me again, will you?  I can grovel, and beg. I don’t know what else I need to do. I know what I want to do, but it will just hurt you more.”

“What do you want to do, Sy?”

“I want to kiss every part of your skin, remind your body that I worship it. I want to pin you to the wall of our hallway and make love to you. I want to go to sleep with my nose buried in in your hair, and wake up sliding inside of you. I have since you came home. Hell, I always want to do that with you. But that can’t be the only thing that keeps us together.” He looked over at Stella sprawl out.

“I didn’t say this to hurt you, hun. I just wanted to be honest with you.”

“I know, I… just don’t want to cause you more misery. I really thought we were, you know, heading back in the right direction.”

“We have been, and honestly, I think if we threw in the towel now, it would cause more harm than good.” I say as the tears well up in my eyes. For the first time since I was taken away, I straddle his hips. He sits up and I place my hands on either side of his face, then lean in to kiss him. He kisses me back with the same hunger. I missed him. The ache dulled a little until he pulled away.

“Let’s get going, Jo, I want you so fucking bad. I want to take you here and now, I want to make you scream my name and damn anyone who catches us. We need to stop this, the agreement was that we wouldn’t. Fuck I’ve missed how you taste.” He said before stealing one more kiss.

*****

The next week was awkward to say the least, the therapist was pleased about the kissing and that I opened up. She said that it was possible that the pain would go away, but that he and I needed to remember that it was like I was grieving. In the mean time, we should continue to take it slowly because we both needed to be sure. The following few days he was distant, and the ache returned in full force.

With his PTSD treatments, he was having less nightmares. It was the best thing I could ask for. There were still times where he would yell in his sleep but they had become farther and farther apart. It was a night after he had his individual treatment, he had come home talking about how he felt the night of my breakdown. He came home and told me a little bit, how he had never seen me so angry before, thrashing about like a caged animal. He hated himself for pushing me there. That night, in the darkness of the small hours, I woke up from being dead asleep hearing him say my name in a panic. He then repeated sounding more and more scared. “Josie, oh my god, Josie, no. I’m sorry Jo, I didn’t mean to. JoJo!”

I rushed into the office, he was jerking violently in his sleep about on the couch. I turned on the light near his head. When these dreams happen, his eyes were usually opened, it creeps my out every time. I start to gently wake him up, saying his name and touching him as gently as possible. It took a few moments but he came back to me.

“Jo, Jesus fuck, you’re alright?”

“Of course I am, sweetheart, what happened? I’m right here, I’m okay, you are okay, everything is okay.”

“I dreamed we were back in the kitchen, you were under me. Screaming and whipping about. I had to restrain you more then I accidentally broke your neck and you died in my arms. It felt real, baby, I was holding your body and then the sheriff came and that’s when you woke me up. Oh my god. I fucking can’t. I can’t anymore. I need you, Josie. If something happens to you, oh fuck.” I have never seen James sob like this. He pawed at me until I was wrapped in his arms. I slipped my arms around his neck and held his head to mine. His sobs were hard. We sat there until he let it all out.

“Come on, big man, let’s get you into bed. Come with me. I’ll stay with you all night.” He nodded at me and followed me to the bed we used to share. I wrapped him up in our fluffy blankets. He snuggled into me and was asleep in moments. I stayed there in his arms until he woke up. The Syverson shaped hole hurt less that night.

When he woke up he started crying again. He held me and started kissing my face. “Thank god. I thought you coming to me last night was another dream.”

“No baby, I’m here.” He sniffed hard and squeezed me closer to him. We went back to sleep for a few more hours and when we got up for the day he moved his things back into our bedroom. We might not have started other marital acts but we both started sleeping better having the other person in bed. It had been almost six months we started trying to reconcile.

*****

It had been an interesting couple of months while we started the transition for him to retire. Soon it was only a matter of days. The dates had continued, the kissing had continued, but something was keeping me back from being able to say that the next step was what I wanted. Therapy continued, and we would be seeing her for the next few months. Before I left my private session she asked me if I had given myself a deadline. She was concerned that I might keep dragging it out and that would just make both of us miserable. I told her I had an idea and that I planned on pulling the trigger soon.

Sy’s superiors were setting up a retirement ceremony for him, followed by a dinner with the upper chain of command. He wasn’t looking forward to it, Sy just wanted to be out and done. He came home one day while I was watching a show based on a book series I had read when we first were married. The redheaded Scot swore fealty to his wife, offering to pierce his own heart with a dagger if he should ever rebel against her again.  

“What’s this you’re watching?” He asked.

“Outlander, it just picked back up again from a season break. It’s pretty damn close to the book.”

“So is this what the ladies like these days, men in kilts offering to off themselves if they fuck up?”

“Women have liked men in kilts since I can remember. Why do you think we go to the Renn Faire every year.” I wink at him. “But yeah, I’m sure that does it for some people.”

“Well shit, Pussycat, it’s the only thing I haven’t done.” Sy walked out of the room and came back with his favorite hunting knife. It had been his dad’s once upon a time. The handle was made out of buck horn. In his warn and dusty uniform, he knelt in front of me on the living room floor. His beautiful blue eyes looking into mine, “Well, this isn’t iron, and it definitely isn’t holy. However, I will swear on it either way. Josephine, you are the only woman I have ever loved, you are my best friend, and I adore you. I will never do anything to make you doubt that love or loyalty again. If I ever do anything that makes you feel like you are less than the beautiful, smart, incredible, sexy creature that you are, you can sink this right in my heart. I will even hold it there for you so all you have to do is press it right in.” He finishes with a tongue click as an exclamation.      

“James, you didn’t need to do this. You know I am weird about grand gestures.”

“No, I think I do. I said my vows to you on our wedding rings and I wasn’t able to keep it. But, I will never break this one. If I can earn your love back, I will never do anything to make you regret giving me this chance to be your man.” He still held the knife against his chest with one hand, and placed my hand over his with the other. “So what do you think, baby girl? We still have a long way to go, but I can’t think of anyone else I would rather struggle with.”

“I think you just put yourself in a position that I could just end you now if I wanted to.” I say with my usual sass.

“Yes, you could. I don’t think you will though.” He said smiling, his voice was husky and deep as usual. I love that easy smile of his.

“Is it wrong that I want to get on your lap and make out with you while I hold this against you.” His eyebrow raised. “Maybe more than just make out with you.”

“Oh, don’t you tease me now, sweet thing. I don’t want to start anything you won’t finish.”

“Who said I won’t finish it, Colonel Syverson?” His eyes grew as big as dinner plates.  

“Wait, do you mean it?” He choked.

“Yeah, I do mean it.” I laughed. Before I could get up, he had hiked the skirt of the dress I was wearing up to my hips, pulling me to the edge of the sofa, revealing that I had skipped a certain garment that day. “I had an idea for after supper, but if you want we can do this now…. Oh fuck I’ve missed this.”

Before I can even finish my sentence, he was going to town with his tongue on his favorite part of my body. He remembered everything that made me squeal in delight. From the lack of sex on both of our ends, he was able to get me off easily. My body was desperate for his touch. He stopped once my body was trembling, kissing one of my thighs from my apex to my knee. He suddenly grunted and bit down on a tender part. He started panting and kissed the spot he bit.

“I’m sorry, sugar, I didn’t want to only last for two or three thrusts. Fuck, I have missed this pretty pussy. You taste so good.” He had a handful of his own cum and looked around for a tissue. Without a word, I grabbed his hand and licked it clean, keeping eye contact with him the entire time. He moaned out and then stood up. He took his shirt off, and lifted me up off the couch. I knew this hurt his back and knees but I wasn’t about to chastise him for wanting to be romantic. He carried me like we were on our honeymoon back to the bedroom. He lay me down as gently as possible then finished stripping himself. I took my dress off leaving myself exposed to him in a way that I haven’t in almost a year. Sy joined me on the bed, open and vulnerable to me. I loved those thick thighs and torso of his, he always eclipsed me.

“Hello ladies, nice to finally see you again.” He purred as he licked and sucked on my nipples. He leaned to one side and massaged my breasts with one of his hands. “Glad to see you that you missed me too.”

Before long, I could feel his erection pressing against my thigh. He spread my legs and rubbed himself against my opening. He leaned down and kissed my neck before sliding himself inside of me. I moan his name as he gently started making love to me. Bearing his weight on his elbows, he kissed and nipped at my neck.

Breathlessly, he told me how much he missed my body, how much he loved me, how lucky he was to have me. As his tempo increased, he started to whisper in me ear.

“Josephine, tell me what you are.” I looked at him confused. “You are my wife, I want you to tell me that you are my wife.”

“I’m your wife, James.” I tell him as lovingly as possible.

“Louder, baby.”

“I’m your wife.” I said loud and clearly. The Syverson shaped hole in my chest is gone, finally. Replaced with the warmth of knowing we were going to be able to survive this.

“Even louder, Jo.” I yell it out and he thrusts harder and deeper. “Keep going, beautiful, I want the whole neighborhood to know.”

I screamed it as he started pounding me harder, building his orgasm. As my own starts its crescendo, I screamed his name and arched my back as he pulls my hips down on himself and spilled into me. He lay down beside me, twitching and jerking a little. He kisses all the parts of my skin that is available to his reach.

“I think we should order a pizza for dinner tonight,” He says after a few minutes of catching his breath. “So we can stay in bed and make love again.”

“Or, and hear me out. I put my dress back on, you get dressed and we go out for sushi with your cum dripping down my thighs. What do you think about that?”

“Shit, I missed you being a damn freak like that. Do I we get to have more fun tonight if I say yes?” He chuckles, then kisses my hand, “I still want you to ride me with my knife pointed at me some time tonight.”  

“Aren’t you scared I’m going to cut off a nipple or something.”

“You, with a knife? To be honest, cutting off my nipple is the least of my concerns. How do I know if this just isn’t a whole plan to lure me into complacency with sex and sushi, then you just murder me in my sleep.” He rolled onto his back and whined for a second, but got up. He put on a pair of khaki shorts and a black Metallica t-shirt as I got into my dress again.

“God damn woman, you are so fucking sexy.” He tells me as he opens the door on my side of the truck and leans down to kiss me again. As I climb up he give my butt a little tap just like he used to and closes the door for me. The ache I’ve been feeling these long months has subsided. Sitting across the cab from me, holding my hand, he asks if we want to go look at travel trailers this weekend. For the first time in a while, I feel like everything is going to be alright.

[londonspirit]

Early morning ramblings...

...instead of de-icing the car so I can get to work.

Im falling deeper and deeper into the Andrew Garfield rabbit hole and I do NOT regret a damn thing! Watching my way through his works, (need a second try for Silence cause that was not grabbing me like his other work does).

BUT (*she says in the exact AG JL tone*) Tick Tick Boom will forever own my heart (quickly followed by Angels in America cause DUH!!!). Im so fucking grateful for Lin once again for putting people and plays and things on my radar that I probably wouldn't have found without him! (I would’ve watched TTB, I love me my musicals so that helps).

It’s crazy, I mainly watched TTB because of Lin, because it’s LIN! Every single thing he touches turns out amazing, so of course I'd watch it. And I was very certain he’d deliver. Going back to my first post about it, I can only shake my head at  myself for not realizing that it’s Andrew who carries the damn thing!!! Yes, Lin did lead them, guide them where he needed them to be, but Andrew’s fucking EVERYTHING made the film this epic, joyful, gorgeously beautiful masterpiece that it is.

Funny, how the perspective shifts. I mean, sure, knowing what I know (through Lin) about Jon, makes it all even more touching and special, but it's Andrew who breathes life into Jon, makes him relatable and so fucking lovable (even when he's an idiot).

The rest of the cast is brilliant as well, but let's be honest, Andrew outshines them all.

He always does. Whenever he's on screen, he grabs your attention and doesn't let go. Everything his Jon (and all his other characters) feels, you can see and feel yourself, it's as clear as day and that hits you right in the feels! (Mainly talking "Breathe" here, cause DAMN, doing what he does in that with just his FACE is insanely difficult and yet he makes it seem as easy as breathing (no pun intended!)) RANGE!!! If anyone has that, it’s him. He is all over the place, doesn’t do the same thing twice (the biopics are all very different) and i LOVE that he’s going totally off the rails every now and then.

Same with the slightly... well, weird films he’s done. Somehow he shines in those even more than in the biopics. I don’t even know what it is; all I know is that the words ‘delightfully unhinged’ came to mind and that somehow is what that is. He’s so odd and off and insane and yet he still commands the screen and doesn’t let you go. I can’t wait to see what’ll be next, and if (when, he’s a stage baby after all!!) he does theatre again, you can bet your ass that I’ll do almost anything to go and see him.

(Side note: my beautiful David Dawson would made for an incredibly amazing Prior Walter... just saying!)

And do NOT get me started of the bits and pieces I gathered so far of what kind of ‘celebrity’ he is. UGH, I’m already so very much in love, it’s not even funny anymore. (plus he makes some really tough personal times much easier and so much brighter!)

So yeah, there will be loads more of that beautifully talented creature on my dash (tagged, of course, so you can blacklist it.)

And just because this’ll never not break my heart:

[heyitssmiller]

Frosted Windowpanes: Part One

The Christmas Fic is here! Featuring Logan the lumberjack, Leo who owns a diner, and Finn who was just trying to have a quiet, uneventful holiday (lol). This was supposed to be a oneshot, but y’all know I’m too long-winded for that, so it looks like we’ll be having at least one more part for this story!

@donttouchmycarrots Thank you so much for proofreading/encouraging/being such a wonderful, wonderful friend. I don’t think I’d still be writing without you and iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou 

@lumosinlove​ Again, thank you for such wonderful characters! And for creating such a wonderful, welcoming fandom! I never thought I’d post my writing where people could read it, but then I met y’all and here we are! You guys are amazing! Happy Holidays, everyone! <3

Part Two is now up!

.

It's that time of year When the world falls in love Every song you hear seems to say

- The Christmas Waltz

.

Piercing, bitter cold greeted Logan as he stepped outside for the first time that day. The kind of cold that made the entire body tense up and the breath hitch. It was a quiet early morning, with a stillness that only freshly-fallen snow could bring. Logan took a second to pull his toque further down over his head as he grabbed the chainsaw by the door before heading out to the truck, passing the sign with red, clean lettering that read Tremblay’s Christmas Trees.

“Took you long enough, sleeping beauty.” His sister, Noelle, teased from the driver’s seat of the beat-up truck that barely started most mornings.

“It’s too early for this.” He grumbled back, sliding into the passenger’s seat as the truck reluctantly spluttered to a start.

“The faster we get done out here, the faster we can go deal with customers.”

“That’s not exactly helping.”

Noelle laughed as she drove back into one of the fields, parking the truck at the far end. “Come on, it’s not that bad. They ask to buy a tree, you help them pick one out, take their money, and strap it to their car. Easy.”

They got out of the truck, grabbed the chainsaw from the back, and headed towards their first tagged tree. Logan grabbed the tree around its trunk to stabilize it while Noelle powered up the chainsaw, putting their conversation on hold. She crouched down to start cutting the base of the tree trunk, creating a notch before starting the back cut. Logan waited until the tree felt unstable before giving the tree a gentle push in the right direction and removing his hands. The tree hit the ground with a thud.

Noelle took that as her cue to continue their conversation. “Don’t pretend to be all grumpy and stoic. I know you like some of our regulars.”

“Some being the key word here.” He replied, grabbing the tree trunk again and beginning to drag it to the truck. Noelle just gave him a look that clearly said I see right through you but didn’t comment as she looked for the next tagged tree.

Logan heaved the Christmas tree into the bed of the truck and shoved it into one corner; he could probably fit one more tree alongside it before he started stacking them. He stood up straight, turning his head to watch the sun rise and peek over the tops of the trees, bringing rays of light and warmth with it.

Leo basked in the warmth coming from the oven as he took out a fresh batch of croissants, a welcome reprieve from the weather outside. He quickly put the next tray of pastries into the oven and transferred the baked croissants onto a plate, where he let them cool just a little before drizzling them with honey. He hummed along to the Christmas music playing on the radio as he worked on getting the diner ready to open in a few hours. He started the gumbo, red beans and rice, and jambalaya, letting them simmer on the stove before whipping up his fried chicken batter and breading so that it was ready whenever he needed it. Next was the cornbread, which was made from scratch and poured into muffin tins to create the perfect individual servings. Coffee was brewed, quiches were placed in the display window, waffle batter was whipped up and sitting in a bowl on the counter.

Leo was arranging croissants into a basket when the back door opened, letting all the cold air in and a small flurry of snow with it.

“Good morning!” Nate called as he came around the corner, shedding his coat and hat. Leo honestly wasn’t sure what he’d do without Nate. Running his own diner was hard – it was even harder when he’d moved to a different country, not knowing anyone there, and kept afloat with barely anything but his optimism and his confidence in his cooking. Nate was the first person he’d hired when business actually picked up, and he’d been there ever since. He had a real knack for cooking and managed to make every person that walked through their doors feel welcomed.

“Headed out to the farm?” Nate asked when he saw the basket of croissants and the large thermos Leo was filling with coffee.

“Yeah.” Leo said, grabbing coffee creamer and sugar and shoving them into his coat pocket after he slipped it on. “You don’t mind, do you?”

“Nah, I can hold down the fort while you’re gone.”

Leo smiled as he grabbed his hat. “Thanks. There’s croissants in the oven, but they’ll be done as soon as that timer goes off! I’ll be right back, ok?”

Nate gave him a look. “No you won’t.”

“No, I won’t.” Leo agreed with a laugh. “But I’ll be back before morning rush.” He said as he braced himself and opened the door to be greeted by the frigid Canadian winter.

Even after a year and a half, he had a feeling he’d never get used to this weather.

He made a beeline for his car, quickly getting behind the wheel and cranking the heat as high as it would go. He put the car in drive and slowly pulled out onto the road, keeping a firm grip on the wheel and his eyes on the road. He knew he was probably causing a traffic build-up behind him, which made Leo feel a little guilty. He’d driven through hurricanes countless times, but snow? Black ice? He was absolutely terrified of that. So he took his time, eventually turning off the main road and driving until he reached a sign with red lettering and a Christmas tree lot. There were handmade wreaths and garlands, and white Christmas lights strung up over the rows of trees for sale.

Leo put the car in park and grabbed his stuff, breath hitching as he faced the cold winds again. Marius, the head of the Tremblay family, was at the checkout counter, writing something down on a pad of paper. Once he looked up and saw Leo, he smiled broadly. “Hey, Nut!”

“Good morning.” Leo replied, raising the basket and thermos in his hands. “I come bearing gifts. Coffee and croissants.”

“You know you don’t have to do that.” Marius said as he gave Leo a stern look. “I’m sure you’ve got other things to do.”

Leo shrugged, opening the basket and offering them to the man. “I like doing this. Y’all work hard and have ridiculously long hours. And you work in this weather. I feel like you could use a little warmth.”

“You and your southern manners.” He grabbed a croissant anyways, taking a big bite. “Your favorite’s still out there bringing some trees in.” He said, motioning to one of the groves to the left. Leo could faintly hear the sound of a chainsaw in the distance.

“I don’t have favorites,” Leo protested as he set the thermos and croissants down on the table, even though it was clearly a bald-faced lie. He thought of evergreen eyes and a gorgeous laugh and a smile that left him breathless. He blamed the redness of his cheeks and ears on the cold. “I like all of you equally.”

“Right.” Marius said, dragging out the vowel. He was smiling, though. “He’s lucky to have a friend like you, you know.”

Leo had to force his smile to remain steadfast. Friend. That was all this was ever going to be, no matter how much his heart yearned for something more. He needed to learn to be content with that – it wasn’t fair to Logan otherwise, or to himself for that matter. He could be a good friend and leave it at that. It was still better than not knowing him at all.

“I think I’m the lucky one.” He said, only then remembering the sugar and coffee creamers in his coat pocket. He fished them out and set them on the counter next to the thermos. “I do have to get going, though. I’ve got the breakfast rush to deal with.”

Marius waved him off playfully, grabbing another croissant. “Go on, then. I’ll try to save some for the rest of them.”

Leo laughed at his antics, breath clouding in the air. “I’m holding you to that.”

Marius watched him get in his car and drive off very slowly with a chuckle. Damn southerners. He looked down at the coffee creamers and sugar, knowing Logan was the only one in the family that used them, and started speculating.

He heard the rumbling of the truck as it came in, the back loaded to the brim with trees. Noelle and Logan’s bickering could be heard before the truck’s engine got turned off, which was saying something. Marius grabbed a cup and filled it with coffee. He was going to need it.

“I mean, come on. Back to the Future is clearly the superior 80s movie. It’s definitely better than Top Gun.”

Logan closed his door, staring at his sister with a combination of horror and disbelief. “How dare you. Those aren’t even in the same genre!”

Noelle looked over at Marius right as she was about to start her counterargument and spotted the pastries and coffee. She grinned and abandoned Logan at the back of the truck in order to beat him to the food. One croissant was immediately shoved into her mouth as she grabbed another and then reached for a coffee cup one-handed. Marius snorted and grabbed it from her, filling it with steaming coffee.

She groaned. “Lolo, your friend needs to stop by more often. Fuck, this is good. If I wasn’t in a committed relationship already, I’d ask him to marry me.”

“Please don’t call me that.” Logan said gruffly, but his words were betrayed by a smile. He looked down at the pastries, eyes soft and smile dopy.

Marius knew that look. More importantly, he knew his son. And everything fit together like pieces of a puzzle.

“Maybe Logan should ask, instead.” He teased, although a part of him was completely genuine.

Logan choked on his first bite of croissant.

.

“Finn!” June shouted as soon as she flung the door open, throwing herself into his arms. Finn laughed and hugged her back. Two seconds into his visit and he knew this was going to be the best way to spend the week before Christmas. He hadn’t seen June since they graduated college and, even though they kept in touch, it wasn’t the same.

“Four years is way too long.” He said as she let go. “Let’s not go that long without seeing each other again, ok?”

“Deal.” She replied, grabbing his bag for him and leading the way inside. The apartment was warm and cozy and lived in – there were books on the coffee table and a large pile of mail on the counter and a few stray dishes in the sink.

Finn loved it.

Heather, June’s fiancée, smiled in greeting and stuck her hand out to shake. “You must be Finn.”

He had originally thought it might be a little bit awkward, meeting his ex-girlfriend’s fiancée, but Heather seemed kind and welcoming and unperturbed about the whole thing. He shook her hand and returned the smile. “Heather. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Oh god.” She laughed, shooting June a look. June just winked and leaned over to check whatever food was in the oven.

“All good things.” Finn promised, letting Heather lead him to the guest room. It was as happy and welcoming as the rest of the apartment. As soon as they were out of earshot, he continued, “I’m really happy for you guys. She’s happier than I've ever seen her.”

“So am I.” Heather said wistfully as Finn set his bag down. “Bathroom’s through that door if you need it.”

“Thanks.”

When he rejoined the group in the living room, he noticed something: a distinct lack of Christmas decorations. June used to love decorating her college dorm room for the holidays – she went all out with little things she bought at the Dollar Tree and a miniature Christmas tree from Walmart. They used to get the tree together every year. It was strange that she hadn’t continued the tradition.

“No tree?” He asked June, surprised. She shrugged and scooted over on the couch to make room for all three of them.

“Haven’t had the time. I’ve been so busy at work and Heather’s been traveling for conferences. It’s not the same when you have to decorate by yourself.”

Finn hummed understandingly. He knew the feeling. “Why don’t we go get one now? Do you think some places are still open this late?”

Heather and June looked at each other, seeming to have a telepathic conversation. Finn watched on in amusement as they communicated with raised eyebrows and narrowed eyes and shrugs until they apparently made up their minds.

“Tremblay’s is probably still open. They’ve got the best trees, anyways.” June explained, turning to look at Finn. “But I’ve got to stay here and make sure our dinner doesn’t burn.”

“And I’ve got to stay here and supervise June while she uses the oven.” Heather added. Finn laughed, remembering too many times June had burned herself while using the rickety old oven from the 1970s that still lived on in their dorm building.

“Yeah, that sounds about right.” Finn teased and ruffled June’s hair. She just rolled her eyes and didn’t even bother trying to smooth it out again. Ruffling hair was one of Finn’s main ways of showing affection – she knew it would just get messed up again. Finn fished his phone out of his pocket and pulled up his navigation app. “I can go get the tree, if you want. You said the place was called Tremblay’s?”

“Finn, you really don’t have to-”

“No, I want to!” He cut in, standing up from the couch to grab his coat. “I didn’t bring presents for you guys because I’m so bad at gift-giving, so this can be my Christmas present.”

Heather hesitated. “Are you sure you don’t mind?” She asked, glancing at June again. “We can always go out and get a tree tomorrow.”

“It’s fine. I’ll be back soon, and with a tree!” Finn said as he reached the door, turned to give a cheery salute, and headed out to his car.

After a frankly terrifying drive through narrow back roads and potential ice hazards, Finn followed his app to a little tree farm off of the main road. There weren’t many cars there, thankfully, and it still looked open. The rows of white lights hanging above the trees were all lit and glowing, snow was falling at a slow, sleepy pace. It looked perfect, like something out of a dream.

And that was before Finn saw him.

The man working the front counter.

Finn raked his gaze over the man and swooned. Wavy brown hair, bright eyes, shoulders and arms so broad and built that it seemed like they were about to rip the plaid shirt he was wearing. With a nametag that stated Logan, he seemed like a rugged, Canadian, lumberjack dreamboat. Finn swallowed, making his way to the counter and the absolute vision behind it while he focused on not tripping over his own two feet.

“Hi,” Finn managed, trying not to get lost in evergreen eyes. “I’d like to buy a tree, please.”

“What type of tree would you like?”

Oh, the accent.

Finn was screwed.

“Uh…” Finn trailed off, looking at Logan and struggling to find words. “A Christmas tree?”

“Spruce, pine, or fir?” When Finn’s expression turned more confused, Logan smiled in exasperated, awed delight. Who drove all this way for a tree and had no clue what they were looking for? Most people at least had some idea. But not this one, apparently. Those big, Bambi eyes were lost and absolutely adorable.

“Do you have a size you’re looking for?” Logan asked, receiving a more perplexed look.

This was too funny. “Do you know anything about what kind of tree you want?”

“A pretty one? But not too expensive. Or too tall. Or heavy – I’ve got to get it up a huge flight of stairs.”

Logan couldn’t hold back the laughter any longer. He leaned forwards against the counter and laughed, eyes squeezing shut and shoulders shaking. Finn watched with a smile of his own, taking in the way his eyes crinkled at the corners and the contagious nature of his laugh. He felt like this – this right here – was the only thing he wanted to do for the next several hours, especially if he was the reason for the laughter. He thought of that song he could never remember the name of but heard a lot on Tiktok that said, “oh no, I think I’m catching feelings” and never related to a song more in his entire life.

“Ok,” Logan said when he’d finally caught his breath. “Ok, I’m going to pick one out for you, how’s that sound…?”

“Finn.” The redhead supplied with a laugh of his own. “And please. I have no clue what I’m doing.”

“Clearly.” Logan stepped around the counter and led him towards a group of trees. “These are Douglas Firs. They last a long time, smell great, and they don’t take a lot of trimming or maintenance. They’re also pretty cheap since they’re so common.”

Finn looked from the trees to another group of trees a little ways off. “They all look the same.”

“Who’s the expert here?” Logan teased, shooting him a look over his shoulder as he walked from one tree to the next. Finn trailed after him eagerly, watching calloused, muscular hands trail along the needles of the trees.

“We can go look at the Fraser Firs, if you want, but I really think one of these is your best bet.” Logan continued, stopping in front of a mid-sized tree. “How about this one?”

Finn looked at it, then back at Logan. “What do you think? Since I clearly don’t know anything about trees.” That drew another smile from Logan, which made Finn vow to himself to make the brunet smile like that again.

Logan dragged the tree out from the rest of the group and looked it over. “I think it’s a good one. Good shape, healthy. I sure know how to pick ‘em, eh?”

Eh. How adorably Canadian.

“Sounds good. It’s not even for me, so my input doesn’t really matter a whole lot.”

Logan sent him a confused look. “So you went out at nine o’clock at night to get a Christmas tree, and it’s not for you?”

“I don’t even live in this country.”

“What?”

“I’m visiting friends that live here, and they’ve been traveling or too busy to decorate like they normally do, so I decided I’d get the ball rolling and find them a Christmas tree.” Finn shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets.

Not only was he stunning, he was thoughtful to boot.

Logan clearly had a type.

“That’s nice of you.” He removed the tree from its stand and started lugging it to the counter, watching the redhead trail behind him yet again out of the corner of his eye. When he reached his destination, he set the tree down and found Finn staring at him with a look of awe on his face. He bit back a smile. “How long are you staying?”

Finn was silent for a second, as if in a trance, then snapped out of it with a little shake of his head. “Huh?”

That smile he was holding back broke through. “How long are you staying in town?”

“Oh. Just for the week, then I’m off to spend Christmas with my family back home in New York.”

“A New Yorker, huh?” Logan asked as he bagged the tree up, attempting to do the accent and making Finn laugh. “This must be quite the change of pace for you.”

“You have no idea.”

Finn’s stomach growled, making his eyes widen and his cheeks burn in embarrassment. It must’ve been loud enough for Logan to hear because he turned back around to face Finn and quirked an eyebrow. “Hungry?” He asked, then told Finn the price of the tree. Finn handed his card over.

“Yeah. Haven’t had dinner yet.”

“I, uh, I know a place.” Logan said, playing with Finn’s credit card before meeting his eyes and quickly adding, “If you’re interested. I haven’t had dinner either.”

Finn grinned, not even trying to hide his excitement. The only thing he’d wanted when he left June and Heather’s apartment was a tree. Now he had a potential date with this gorgeous, witty guy? Yes please. “Yeah?”

Logan shared his smile, leaning forward against the counter and looking up at him through dark, dark eyelashes. Finn’s heart fluttered. “Yeah. Sounds fun to me.”

“Great.” Finn said, unsure of what else to say and suddenly feeling a little awkward. Was he supposed to wait for him to finish his shift? Were they driving together? Where was this restaurant?

He needed to text June.

Shit. She had been making dinner when he left. But he’d already agreed to dinner with Logan. But it would be so rude to not spend time with his hosts. But he would regret it for the rest of his life if he didn’t go on this date.

He pulled out his phone as Logan ran his card through the system to text June.

To June: Sooooo there might be a change of plans. Some hot guy is my acting tour guide for the night and I won’t be making it home for dinner. But I promise I have a tree and I will be back eventually.

It only took June a few seconds to respond.

From June: Damn. You go, Finn.

He laughed under his breath, then pocketed his phone. When he looked up, Logan was looking at him and holding his card out. Finn grabbed it and shoved it into his wallet, which he pocketed. “Ready to go?” Logan asked, grabbing the trunk of the tree and preparing to drag it again. “I can drive, if you want. We’ll strap the tree to the top of your car and then head out.”

“Works for me. Do you need help with that?” Finn motioned to the tree. Not that he minded the view – quite the contrary – but he felt bad not doing anything.

“Want to grab the netting towards the top? We can carry it instead of dragging it.”

Finn grabbed the netting and followed Logan’s lead as they both lifted the tree and started carrying it out to Finn’s car, Finn giving directions as they went. Getting the tree to the top of the rental car was a struggle, but they managed and strapped it down.

They hurried to Logan’s car and shut out the cold as quickly as they could. Logan started the rickety old pickup truck that smelled strongly of Christmas trees and took off down the road at a much faster pace than Finn would ever dare to drive these roads.

“I have a feeling you’re going to love this place.” Logan said as he turned right onto the main road, accelerating a bit more. “Pretty much everyone does. It’s not very Canadian, but you can’t beat the food.”

“What defines a restaurant as Canadian?” Finn mused, looking over at the driver. “Maple syrup? Poutine?”

“Watch it.” There was no heat in Logan’s voice, so Finn didn’t take it to heart. They slowed down and pulled into a parking lot of a diner simply called Leo’s. The outside looked a little rundown, which made Finn a little apprehensive, but the windows were all fogged up from the temperature difference between inside and outside, which was always promising.

Logan turned the car off and shot Finn an excited grin. “Ready?”

Finn couldn’t tell if he was excited for dinner with him or just the food. Hopefully it was both.

The inside of the diner was… eclectic. The walls were a faint yellow, but there were splashes of deep purple, green, and gold in the decorations on the walls. Mardis Gras, Finn realized as he spotted some masks hanging on the wall. The food smelled amazing – warm and spicy and savory. Behind the baked goods on display counter stood a young kid with a cleaning spray and a rag, wiping down the counters. He looked up at the bell that signaled the door opening and instantly recognized Logan. He sent them a smile before turning his head and shouting towards the direction of the kitchen, “Leo!”

There was a loud clang, followed by a muffled curse. “Be there in a jiffy!”

Finn looked to Logan in confusion. “Was that a southern accent? Like American south?”

“Leo.” Was all Logan said, a happy smile on his face.

“You guys can go ahead and sit down,” The kid at the counter said. “I’ll bring some menus.”

“Thanks, Nate.” Logan led the way towards a booth in the front corner of the dining area and sat down facing the door. Finn sat opposite him, accepting a menu with thanks. The menu consisted of southern U.S. staples – biscuits and gravy, grits, red beans and rice, fried chicken, etouffee, jambalaya, po’boys, fried catfish, cornbread, the list went on.

“So is this guy from Louisiana?”

Logan wasn’t even looking at the menu, he was watching every nuance of Finn’s expressions as he took everything in. “New Orleans, born and raised.”

“How the hell did he end up here?”

“He had an uncle who owned this place and left it to Leo when he died. Originally he was just going to fix it up and sell it before going back home, but two months led to a year and he’s still here. Doesn’t seem to be planning on going anywhere else for a while, either.” Logan suddenly perked up, looking at something over Finn’s shoulder. “Here he comes.”

Finn swiveled in his seat and stopped dead in his tracks.

Tall.

They were both greeted by a dimpled smile as Leo approached their table, flour or powdered sugar – Finn wasn’t sure which one – all over his apron and a dusting of it in his fluffy blond hair.

“Hey, Logan. See you’ve brought company!” His accent dragged sweet and slow like molasses, so very out of place this far north. But it was refreshing, like a breath of fresh air or the sun coming out from behind the clouds after a week of rain. As he got closer, Finn realized what he’d thought to be flour in his hair was actually a gray streak. And wow, were his eyes blue.

How was everyone here so attractive?

“Finn, meet Leo. Leo, this is Finn.” Logan said, smile never leaving his face as he looked between the two. “He’s new here.”

Leo arched an eyebrow. “And you brought him here?”

“You do have the best pie in town.”

That got another sunny smile from Leo. “Damn right I do. But dinner first. Can’t go on spoilin’ your dinner with pie.” Those blue eyes turned to Finn, causing his breath to hitch just a little. “What’ll you have, sugar?”

Finn simply wasn’t going to survive this night. Was this a dream? That would explain all the attractive guys – the probabilities of something like this happening in real life were slim to none. He pinched his arm harshly. Not a dream.

What the fuck?

Finn realized he still hadn’t answered and was just staring at the blond. He cleared his throat and quickly averted his gaze to the menu, not really reading anything but grateful for something else to look at besides the two guys in front of him. “Um… what would you recommend?” He finally asked, grateful that he could get his vocal cords to actually work.

Leo hummed, thinking about it. “Personally I really like the muffuletta, if you’re looking for a sandwich. Definitely the gumbo if you’re in the mood for soup. I do make a mean fried catfish, too.”

Finn wasn’t sure what exactly a muffuletta was, but he ordered it. Logan got his usual, whatever that meant. Leo wrote down their orders and gave them one last smile before retreating to the kitchen. They both watched him go, then Finn whipped back around to face Logan.

“Is he real?”

Logan just laughed, leaning back in his seat. Finn panicked for half a second, terrified that what he’d said was the worst possible thought to voice on what was potentially a first date. But Logan didn’t seem to mind. He just looked back at the kitchen with a soft smile Finn hadn’t seen before.

“You know, I ask myself that a lot.” He said quietly, as if he hadn’t meant to say it out loud. And Finn finally understood.

He was in love with Leo.

The sound of a record scratching filled Finn’s head.

Wait.

That didn’t make any sense… because Finn was ninety-five percent sure that Logan had been flirting with him all night.

Hadn’t he?

They made small talk while they waited for their food, and Logan was pleasantly surprised at how… easy it was. He normally didn’t like small talk and didn’t share personal stories with strangers, but here Finn was, pulling stories out of him that he normally wouldn’t share on a first date.

Was this a date? Logan couldn’t decide if he wanted it to be one or not. One hand, this was definitely the most fun he’d had in weeks. On the other hand, Leo. He sent a glance towards the kitchen window before focusing back on Finn’s story about one of the parties he and June went to back in college. There was lots of alcohol, mattresses, and a roof involved. Finn’s storytelling included a myriad of different expressions, all of which Logan found endearing. The wrinkle of his nose when he talked about drunk frat boy antics, the way he got all soft whenever he talked about June, the laughter lines around his eyes when he told a funny anecdote.

How was it possible to be so cute and yet so hot at the same time?

And how had he met two guys who fit into both of those categories?

Nate brought their food out while Logan was in the middle of a story about the time he’d found a squirrel in one of their trees and got attacked when he tried to relocate the thing when Nate came back with the food. Finn had the muffuletta, which was apparently meat and cheese and some sort of olive spread or something – Finn had no idea, but it looked and smelled amazing. Logan had a bowl of red beans and rice in front of him, but he was waiting to see Finn’s reaction to the food before starting his own.

Finn took a bite of the sandwich, then his eyes widened almost comically. “Oh my god.”

“I know.” Logan said, getting a spoonful of red beans and rice.

“Where has this been all my life?”

“Just wait until you try the pie.”

Finn didn’t speak again, he just ate. The food clearly took precedence over any possible conversations. Logan couldn’t help but agree. Finn ate like a man who hadn’t seen food in a week, finishing the sandwich in record time. He leaned back in his seat when he was done, letting out a happy, content sigh. “Holy shit. Is everything on the menu that good?”

“Pretty much.”

“And he hasn’t been on the Food Network yet?”

Logan grinned. “Not that I’m aware of.”

“We should tell them to get up here and try this food.”

“Y’all, I don’t have time for the Food Network.” Finn jumped a little as Leo reappeared with two slices of pie. “I appreciate it, though. You liked it, huh?”

Finn looked up at him. “I kind of want to come back every day I’m here.” And he meant it. He wouldn’t be coming back just for the food, though.

“Well, I definitely won’t stop you.” Leo said with a dimpled smile. Finn barely held in a dreamy sigh.

Dimples.

“Why don’t you join us?” Finn asked, scooting over to make room for the blond. But Leo just shook his head with a rueful smile.

“I wish I could, but I’ve got twelve pies that need to be made.”

“Twelve?” Finn asked in mild horror. “When do you sleep?”

“The chocolate crème pies are in high demand, especially around the holidays. But it’s fine, I don’t mind it. I’m just glad I've got business.” Leo seemed to be ignoring the sleep question, which was never a good sign.

“You look tired.” Logan noted, face muddled with concern.

Leo laughed softly, but didn’t seem to take offense. “Thanks a lot, darlin’.”

Logan broke eye contact and pushed the residual whipped cream around on his plate. Finn hadn’t even realized he’d started eating, but he quickly followed suit and fuck, was that good.

“I just meant you need to take care of yourself, that’s all.” Logan mumbled into his plate without looking up, almost as if he was afraid to see the cook’s response.

“Says the guy who works even longer hours than I do.” Leo teased, causing Logan to roll his eyes.

“That’s because it’s almost Christmas and I work at a Christmas tree farm. It’s only temporary. We’ll be back to normal by the end of the week.”

“Well, good. You deserve to sleep in for once.” Leo said, taking a step back towards the kitchen. “But I really do have to go. Those pies won’t make themselves.”

“Do you want help?” Finn asked hopefully, He honestly couldn’t think of a better way to spend the night than baking with these two. Being given instructions in a thick southern drawl, helping Logan make pie filling, trading stories (and maybe kisses) while they waited for the pies to be done.

But Leo quickly dashed his dreams. “That’s sweet, honey, but I think I’ll be faster on my own. I’ve got a system that makes it pretty efficient. And I don’t give out my recipes to just anyone, you know.”

Oh, but I’d love to be someone to you.

Logan also looked disappointed. “We should get going, then. Don’t want to keep distracting you.”

“At least you’re a welcome distraction.” Leo said with a wink before he turned and disappeared into the kitchen. He let the door close behind him before backing up to lean against it, tilting his head back to rest against the wood and closing his eyes. The happy façade dropped in an instant.

Because Logan was out there, on a date with a guy. A handsome, kind, funny guy who would have absolutely no trouble sweeping Logan off his feet.

And that guy wasn’t Leo.

.

Finn flopped dramatically onto the couch back at June’s apartment, muffling a scream into a poor, unsuspecting pillow. June looked up from her book with a laugh. “Well hello to you, too.”

“I’m in love.”

“Oh?” Heather asked from her spot cuddled up next to June.

Finn turned his head sideways to open one eye and look at the two of them. “With a lumberjack and a cook.”

“Ah,” June said knowingly as she dog-eared the page she was on and closed the book. “Beware the lumberjacks. They’re known to be irresistible. Alright then, which Tremblay was it?”

Finn cocked his head. “What?”

Heather smiled as June tilted her head back and let her run her fingers through dark brown curls. They were so cute it was almost sickening. “There’s four of them: three sisters and a brother. Which one did you fall for?”

Finn couldn’t have held back the smile that crossed his face even if he tried. “Logan.”

June groaned. “I get it. Holy shit, those eyes.”

“I know.”

“I didn’t know he cooked, though.”

“No, the cook was another guy.” Finn sighed as he twisted to lay on his back and stare wistfully up at the ceiling. “Leo.”

“The southern one with the diner?”

“That’s the one.”

“Damn, O’Hara. You do know-”

“They’re head-over-heels in love with each other? Yeah, I got that.” Finn stretched his legs out to rest on June’s lap. “But I’m also pretty sure that was a date. And that Logan was flirting with me.” He sighed again, covering his eyes with his arm. “I’m doomed.”

“Always so dramatic.” June teased. “Just date both of them.”

Finn froze, his mind going completely blank. “What?”

“Date both of them.” She repeated, unfazed. “Polyamorous relationships are a thing, you know. Who says you can’t date both of them?”

Finn moved his arm away from his face to stare at her. “Huh.” He finally said, mind kicking back into gear. That sounded… perfect, actually. Only a few hitches. Did Leo even like him? They’d barely talked to each other. Finn could see Logan being ok with the whole dating two people thing, seeing that he was flirting with both of them, but what would Leo think? And the other hitch. “I’m only for a week, though.”

“Then you’d better act fast, lover boy.”

“I’ve got a question.” Heather piped up.

Finn looked at her and raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to ask her question.

“Where’s the tree?”

He could probably see it from their front window if he bothered to stand up, still strapped to his rental car. “Shit.”

[ijustwant2write]

A Little Secret-Alfie Solomons x Reader (Part 3/?)

(GIF credit to @fockingshelby​)

Masterlist

Part 1 / Part 2

Tags: @haphazardhufflepuff​ @mollybegger-blog​ @broitsriah​ @maryan028​ @peakascum​ @captivatedbycillianmurphy​ @jenepleurepasbaby​ @amirahiddleston​ @bloodorangemoonlight​ @mzcrazy2​ @br0ck-eddie​

Summary: After Alfie’s outburst, he has been avoiding Izzy, not wanting to face up to his disappointment. However, Izzy thinks the exact opposite, but of course, she doesn’t do anything to amend the situation. She too keeps out of his way, thinking she’ll only make him more angry, until they both receive a letter.

Characters: Alfie Solomons x OC!Reader, Ollie x OC!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, mention of death, arguing, shouting, crying, trauma, low self esteem issues

                                   *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Izzy heard something be pushed through the letterbox as she buttered her toast, wiping her buttery hand on a tea towel before going to retrieve it. She hardly got post, all of the time it would be bills, but today was different. It was in a crisp, white envelope with fancy handwriting, it even had a seal on the back. She inspected the wax, trying to figure out who it was from. Izzy had no friends, no family, which meant that this made her heart race in fear rather than anticipation. It opened without ripping and she took out the neatly folded letter. Her eyebrows scrunched together as she read it.

Dear Isabelle,

You are cordially invited to the opening of ‘The Blue Note’.

We have recently taken ownership before refurbishing, giving the club a completely new look and fresh feel. The evening will commence at 7.00PM where music and beverages will be provided. 

Please RSVP to the return address labelled on the envelope. We await for your reply with anticipation.

Kind regards,

Thomas Shelby

Shelby Company Limited

Izzy had no clue who Thomas Shelby was, or why he had invited her to a club opening. If her name hadn’t been addressed at the top, she would think it was just a businessman’s idea to bring in customers. This couldn’t be a coincidence, not after everything that was happening that week. She read it again as she finished her toast, noticing that it was almost time for her to go once she finished eating.

The morning at work went by as usual, time moving swiftly as Izzy completed her tasks alongside everybody else. It had been three days since the incident of her being locked up, and Alfie had avoided her like the plague. Although Izzy had wanted to speak with him, explain that she wasn’t upset with his actions, she knew she would never have the confidence to do so. Like always, she let life pass her by and decide her fate, rather than take control of it herself.

“Izzy,” Ollie got her attention, shoving a pile of letters into her hands,“need you to take these to Alfie, now.”

“I can’t!” Izzy protested, hating that Ollie was already walking away.“He doesn’t want to speak to me.”

“Then don’t speak, just drop off the letters.”

Ollie disappeared around the corner, causing Izzy to tense up, clutching onto the letters. Taking a deep breath, she turned around to look at Alfie’s office door, seeming more daunting than usual. Wanting to get it over with, she picked up the pace, finding herself in front of the door quicker than she expected. Knocking swiftly, Izzy could feel her heart rate increase as she was called in.

Of course Alfie knew it was her by the sound of the knock. He still wanted to keep away from Izzy, not wanting to risk upsetting her more than he already had. When she had cried out his name and ran after him after he punched that fucker, he had hated how that chipped away at him. She was his weakness, and no one else could see that. Noticing how she kept her head down, quickly placing the letters on his desk before turning around.

“Izzy.” he grumbled. 

She froze, glancing over her shoulder.

“I don’t have enough fucking time to sort through this. Do you mind reading them for me?”

She fully turned around, nodding before taking a seat. The first two letters weren’t of any importance to Alfie, he dismissed them after the starting sentence. But the next letter Izzy picked up was familiar to her, and Alfie noticed this.

“You like the look of that one?” he asked in a monotone voice.

“It’s just...” she mumbled.“I’m sure this is the same as the one I received this morning.”

That perked Alfie up.“What?”

She began opening it, recognising the wax seal.“Yeah, it is. It’s an invitation.”

Alfie held out his hand to take it, holding his glasses with his other hand as he read it. He looked confused at first, until he saw the signed name at the bottom, fury filling his body at the thought of Thomas Shelby knowing everything about Izzy.

“You’re not going.” he stated, carelessly throwing the paper on the desk.

“You know I’m not a big fan of clubs anyway.”

“You don’t reply to him, you don’t open anymore letters from him, and you go no where near that club!”

“Mr Solomons, I wasn’t going to-”

“He shouldn’t know about you.”

“Who? Who is Thomas Shelby?”

“He’s the business associate that visited, when that man got shot.”

“How does he know where I live?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you...do you think he wants to hurt me?”

Alfie said nothing, abruptly standing from his chair and storming to his office door. Leaning out of it, he yelled out Ollie’s name, harshly slamming the door again which caused Izzy to flinch. She shouldn’t have mentioned the letter, she was in trouble now, it wasn’t like she was going to go to the club anyway. 

Ollie knocked before entering, sensing the tension in the room as he glanced between his boss and friend. Alfie shoved the letter into Ollie’s hands, his eyes widening as he read it. What was Thomas Shelby’s plan here? He knew Alfie’s temper was short, and he knew that Izzy meant a lot more to than man than he wanted to let on. This wasn’t good, Izzy shouldn’t even be near this place, she never should have been in the first place. Alfie whispered in Ollie’s ear, it was so quiet to ensure that Izzy wouldn’t catch one word of it. 

“Mr Solomons?” Izzy piped up as Ollie left. She tried to make eye contact, but he left swiftly.

“You’re going home now, collecting as many of your things as possible, and letting the lads take you somewhere to stay.” he demanded.

“I’m sorry?”

“Ollie and a few lads are going to drive you home. If you need extra cases, I can get ya’ some-”

“Why am I packing my belongings?”

“Cause you’re staying in an old place of mine, somewhere where no one will find you.”

“W-why? Mr Solomons, what’s going on?”

“I’ll explain once you’re safe.”

“Please Mr Solomons,” Izzy stood, catching his attention and stopping him from pacing,“I need to understand what’s happening. You can’t just cart me about and kick me out of my home!”

She was scared, it was evident all over her face. Alfie didn’t want to tell her. He wanted to hide her away from it all until it was all over, keep her safe until he had shot all those bastards dead. 

Ollie popped his head through the door.“Cars ready Alfie.”

“Please Alfie.” Izzy hardly used his first name.

“Go.”

Izzy’s mind was screaming at her to defend herself, keep begging for an answer. Something dangerous was going on here, and she was near, if not in, the centre of it all. Why couldn’t she just be like any other normal person? They would at least have the decency to raise their voice. But she was weak. She always had been, it would never change. Quickly turning away from Alfie, she hunched up as she brushed past Ollie. There wasn’t anything she could do to go against him.

Staying silent in the car, Izzy had her hands clasped together, squished between two burly men Alfie had entrusted her safety in. Ollie was driving with another man in the passenger seat. No one was in the mood for conversation, not that Izzy would ever be able to hold one with any of them; Ollie was the only one she had ever spoken to for more than two minutes. 

“Be quick as you can Izzy, we need to get you to the safe house.” Ollie advised as they entered her home, two men staying beside the car as the other two checked around the back of her house.“You need me to grab anything for you down here?”

“Um...” it was incredibly hard to think of all your possessions off the top of your head.“No, thank you, Ollie. I...I think everything I need is upstairs.”

Izzy had emptied all of her drawers and wardrobe into the cases she had, though she didn’t own that many clothes anyway. There weren’t any valuable items laying about, though there was one thing she had to save. Kneeling on the floor, Izzy reached underneath her bed, feeling around for the chipped floorboard. Once found, she silently lifted it, reaching inside for the last letters her mother wrote her, as well as the necklace she’d had since she moved there...it had been gifted by a certain someone. 

“Where are we going Ollie? Where’s this safe house? I don’t mind walking to work, I just want to know how far away it is.” Izzy asked as she struggled to carry her cases downstairs.

He quickly took them off her, though hid how heavy they were.“Um, Alfie will explain once we’re there.”

“Mr Solomons will be there?”

“Please Izzy, just do what he’s told you so neither of us get in trouble.”

He didn’t mean to snap, but Izzy knew by now not to question everything. Sometimes her staying silent was the best option. Ollie handed over her cases to the men to load into the car, waiting for her to lock up. She took out her keys, looking up at the tiny, terraced house she had lived in for so many years. It seemed dramatic, but being away from the only place she felt comfort, the only place she could control the look of, it made her uneasy, especially because she didn’t know how long she would be away from it.

The car ride indicated that this safe house was certainly further away than Izzy would have liked. Ollie was secretly glad that the other men were here, it stopped her from asking questions. He didn’t actually know the full story, he didn’t know why Alfie was taking such big precautions; and he was being made to drive through the slums into the countryside, the city slowly being left behind. Firstly the houses started to get bigger and further away from each other, they went from blocks of flats, terraced, before becoming semi-detached. The streets started to look cleaner, as did the people walking them. Instead of homeless men and prostitutes lining the streets, women out for afternoon strolls with their babies in prams chatted away to each other, and old couples enjoyed their retirement together. Izzy held back a smile as she peeked out of the window, having only imagined places like this when she read her books.

Unfortunately, the awkwardness remained in the car for another twenty minutes, all of them secretly relieved when they pulled up at another house. It wasn’t a place that homed people full of riches, though they certainly weren’t poor. Driving down a back alley, they parked outside a small, semi-detached house. The other house beside it had a boarded up door and windows, with overgrown ivy all over it.

“This belongs to Mr Solomons?” Izzy asked as they all exited the car.

“Apparently so. I was as shocked as you are.” Ollie said before instructing the others to take her cases inside.

As they stepped inside, they saw that it was minimally decorated, though that didn’t surprise them. There were a few cobwebs about the place, as well a dust that had settled on top of surfaces. But with a quick clean up, it could look homely. It hadn’t been lived in for a while, the floorboards creaked from the new weight (that was something Izzy was both thankful and upset about, she could hear if anyone was in the house, but then again, that would mean someone was in the house). 

“Izzy?” Ollie called to her as she explored the kitchen. Her head showed up in the doorway.“They’ve put your things upstairs.”

“Thank you.” she meekly said, going back into the kitchen until she saw Ollie leaving.“You’re leaving?”

“Yeah, the men will stay though, to guard you.”

She scurried down the hallway to him, standing in the doorway as he continued walking.“What am I meant to do?”

“Settle in. Alfie will be here soon, maybe you could clean up the house?” he was joking, but that didn’t resonate with Izzy.

“Do you know what’s going on? With any of this?”

He sighed, approaching her so the others wouldn’t hear.“I’m sorry Izzy, I don’t know anything. If I did, I promise I would tell you. Alfie has instructed me to bring you here, and said he’ll be coming to see you today.”

“Oh...right.”

“Izzy, you’ll be absolutely safe here, we’re prepared for anything...I didn’t mean...not that anything will happen. I’m going to go before I say anything else.”

After Ollie left, she locked the door with the keys left for her, wishing there were more locks. She was in a small state of shock. Her life was being controlled, all because of something that she had no idea about. The only thing she could do now was as Ollie said, settle in. She was disturbed by the dust everywhere, heading into the kitchen to find a duster and other cleaning supplies. Her own belongings could wait. Covering her mouth with a handkerchief, Izzy still coughed and sneezed, her eyes watering. The house was modest for what rooms it held. It had a front room, a kitchen, a bathroom, two bedrooms and a small garden. It was more than what Izzy had ever had, and it was properly furnished. But you knew no one had been living here.

“Izzy?” Alfie’s voice made her jump. She had just finished dusting in the bedroom her cases were.“Izzy, where are you?”

Removing the handkerchief from her mouth, she brushed off the dust that had fallen onto her dress as she made her way down the stairs. Alfie was stood at the bottom, watching her. In that moment, he couldn’t help but think...no, he shouldn’t be thinking things like that, they would never come true.

“What you think then?” Alfie sniffed.

“It’s a lovely house, Mr Solomons.”

“Won it in a bet didn’t I? Didn’t know it would come in handy one day. Tea?”

She followed him into the kitchen, starting to boil the water as he sat down at the table big enough for four people. He glanced around the place, trying to distract himself from how Izzy looked like the perfect housewife in that moment. No one spoke as the tea brewed. Izzy wanted to ask questions, but she knew she had to be grateful for whatever Mr Solomons was protecting her from. And Alfie didn’t want to say anything stupid, he thought she was still angry with him. Once the tea was ready, Izzy focused on keeping a steady hand as poured it into two cups. The tension was building more and more by the second, she didn’t want to make matters worse by pouring boiling water onto your boss’ crotch.

“You’re probably confused.” Alfie said, taking a sip of the drink.

Izzy sat beside him, leaving her cup.“Yes, I am.”

“I’m just being over cautious Iz, can’t risk anything.” 

“About what?”

He rubbed his eyes with one hand, sighing loudly.“That letter you received, it’s from Thomas Shelby.Do you know who he is?”

Izzy shook her head.

“I hoped you wouldn’t. But I’ve got to tell you in order for all of this to make sense. He’s the leader of this gang, right, this gang from Birmingham. They call themselves the Peaky Blinders, due to the razors they sew into their caps. It’s, it’s barbaric if you ask me.”

“And, this gang, they want to hurt me?”

“Nah, nah, not that I know of. But he’s becoming a powerful man. He’s proven that by finding out who you are and where you live.”

“You don’t think they had anything to do with the man who harassed me in the street?”

“Nah, but he’s up to something.”

“So...so what do we do now?”

“You’re going to stay here, until that’s figured out.”

“But how am I supposed to get to work? I mean, it’s no problem for me to walk, I just know it’s further away-”

“You’re not going to walk to work, because you’re not going to work Izzy.”

“But, how am I supposed to earn money? What am I going to do here?”

“I’ll still pay you. Think of it as holiday pay. A holiday where you can’t leave the house.”

“What?”

“No one knows you round here Izzy, but you can’t let anyone see you here. That’s why it’s good that the house is tucked away with no neighbours.”

“But I could be stuck here for ages.”

“You’ll be fine.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, you, you like being alone.”

Izzy raised an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, you keep to yourself, you don’t have any friends, what’s wrong with staying in here?”

“Because I’m trapped!”

Alfie hadn’t expected her to protest.“You’re not fucking trapped! You’re safe!”

“Safe from what? You won’t tell me!”

“What’s got into you? You’re never like this.”

“Because...because maybe I’m scared! You’re not telling me anything Mr Solomons-”

Alfie stood from his chair, coming off more demeaning as he towered over her.“Why do you always call me that? We’ve known each other since we were children! You never say my name!”

Izzy shrunk into her seat, hands gripping the side of the chair in fear.“I-I...You’re my boss, I-”

“That makes no difference! Oh for fucks sake, Izzy, we’re practically the same age!”

Izzy ducked her head, too scared to look at him.“I’m sorry, Mr Sol-Al-Alfie!”

Alfie realised how he looked to her, but his stubbornness got in the way. Instead of apologising like she should have, and wanted to, he kept going, somehow thinking that scaring her more would make her want to stay.

“Just do as you’re told. It’s not like anyone is going to notice you’re gone. I’m doing this for you, some fucking gratitude would be nice.”

But as soon as he saw the tears in her eyes, he hated himself. How was he supposed to know how to talk to women? Let alone comfort them! Izzy meant a dear amount to him, which is why he hated himself right now. He knew this woman for most of his life, why couldn’t he read her? Not knowing what else to say, Alfie left the shocked woman behind, heading out and past the men he put in place. They pretended they hadn’t heard any of their shouting.

Izzy didn’t move for another few minutes, scared that something else might happen. Alfie slamming the door didn’t help, causing her to flinch, a small yelp escaping her mouth. Once she was certain he was gone, the tears fell freely and silently, not wanting to make any noise, with only one thought circling her mind.

Why am I so weak?

[bakugohoex]

Are you still taking in requests? I notice they're open but you seem to have a bit right now, so I apologize if you aren't. Anyway, uhm, if they are open, could you write for Hawks walking in on reader rapping? Just straight up spitting fire at a million miles a second? I see a lot of fics where the character walks in on reader singing and being like "uwu? You can sing? How pretty! Do it again!" and I wanted to see more of a dumbfounded "No amount of words can describe how absolutely sick that was!" reaction. Sorry again if you aren't taking in requests!

“where the fuck did you learn how to do that”

pairing: keigo takami x female reader

cw: language, kissing, fluff

word count: 1100+

a/n: hi, i made something please like and reblog and comment anythign really it’ll really help the cause of ria doesn’t know what she’s doing but she revised six hours today and is now braindead, my requests were open at that time i like putting pressure on myself 

summary: in which keigo hears you rapping in the shower and even though it was a shock he can’t help but to join you showering

↞ back to my hero academia masterlist 

This man has no chill

He will fly into the balcony of your apartment and unpick the lock to the door just because he’s too lazy to walk up the stairs of your complex

The idiot doesn’t even realise that you’re in the shower and just creeps around the apartment looking for entertainment 

Before he hears the shower, you’d think with his stupid hawk like hearing he’d be able to hear the shower or the song playing but no.

He was in the freezer finding some chicken nuggets to cook up 

Hungry ass bitch who free loads off you

But you love the baby and even leave notes on the fridge for his unexpected visits

That’s when he hears something, he never expected

Shocked, this man was busily away putting the nuggets in the oven and he hears you belch out in quickened words

You were rapping and he was in a constant emotion of what the actual fuck and where the fuck did, she learn how to do that

He’s a perv and he goes into the bathroom and joins you in the shower

But still manwhore who likes listening to your rap at least 

The sound of the shower turning on instantly caught his ears, so you were in the apartment he thought out mindlessly. He went to the fridge freezer seeing the little note in your cute handwriting which you thought looked like a doctors handwriting.

The simple words of ‘there’s chicken nuggets in here, don’t make them all, love Y/n.’ It was cute with a heart beside your name, he smiled at the note taking it and putting it in his pocket before opening the freezer.

He ignored you completely and made all of them, he was a growing man of course but the thought of your face with the 30 chicken nuggets made him relish in your future anger. He heard the music play a song by some rapper he didn’t know, it was a Tiktok sound that you had been shoving in his ear for weeks now. He hated the sound of the one verse, but you had clearly become obsessed adding it your playlist in an instant.

He leant against the counter waiting for the nuggets whilst you in the shower waited for the verse to come on. You scrubbed at your body in delight at how you had finally learnt the verse, you both heard the ‘I’m going in tonight’.

Before you spewed out the whole Dojo Cat verse, of course you weren’t that much of a fan of hers but the Tiktok sound had become your life and you needed to learn it even if it was your life’s mission. You had rehearsed and rehearsed it and finally in the shower you were having your performance.

You were in time and everything about the verse flowed out of your mouth you had perfected it and you couldn’t wait to annoy Keigo with it even more. What you hadn’t realised was Keigo had been listening from behind the door and he was shocked to say the least.

You had rapped it perfectly and all he could think was what the actual fuck, he didn’t hesitate, quickly removing his clothes and leaving them outside the door before he slipped inside the bathroom.

You hadn’t heard as the next song came on which you hummed washing the conditioner out of your hair. You heard the ruffle of the shower curtain before arms wrapped around you, you gave a scream as Keigo’s grip tightening. “Don’t worry kid, it’s just me.”

You sign in relief leaning against him, his arms around your waist whilst you put soap on your body, he scrubbed at your body making you become cleaner. “When did you get here?” You speak getting some more soap and putting it on his own bodies, he small wings getting wet which you knew he hated.

You moved the soap across his body waiting for him to sleep, “about 20 minutes ago, I heard you y’know.”

“What?” You questioned your arms moving his shoulders.

“Where the fuck did you learn how to do that?” He retorted back, you understood what he meant but laughed it off.

You took the water putting it on the two of you as his hands wrapped around you again, his head leaning on your bare shoulder, leaving open mouthed kisses up your neck. “I practiced, I wanted to get it right and was going to show you tonight.”

“I hate the song so much.” He mutters.

You laugh spraying some water on him, which made him pout, “I know, I wanted you to suffer.”

“Whatever, it was probably the coolest thing you’ve ever done.” He mimics back turning to grab your towel whilst you turned the water off.

“Hey, I’m cool.” You mutter.

He gives a look which you take as a Y/n you are not cool in anyway and wraps the towel around you. Before going underneath the sink to get himself one of your spare towels, wrapping it lowly across his waist, with the beads of water across his body and hair drooping down.

“You’re cool to me.” He jokes out.

“We sound like the elderly.” You mutter, he grabs your waist carrying you and the towel out of the bathroom and into your room.

“The elderly wouldn’t be able to fuck like we do.” He puts you on the bed, your hair wet and spewed out on the bed but he goes to kiss you softly.

You don’t make a comeback only kissing back and feeling the water across the two of you, undoing the towel to see you all. He stays on top entrapping you between his arms whilst you kiss him lavishly, he bites your bottom lip making you moan and having the access straight to your tongue. He wanted to fuck you but instead the sound of the alarm of the oven went off and he let go of you.

“I’ve been cockblocked by food.” He mutters walking out of your room leaving you high and dry. You scoff wrapping the towel around your hair whilst putting his hoodie and shorts on before following the man.

He had worn the discarded clothes he had left on the floor, leaving his brown jacket on the sofa as he wafted the chicken nuggets to get warm. “My favourite.” You speak with love in your eyes.

“Aww am I real…” Before Keigo could continue to relish in the praise he thought was for him, you grab the nugget sitting on the counter top. “I hate you.”

“No you don’t.” You pick at the nugget letting air hit it as you smile at the boy.

“Yeah, I don’t, baby bird.” He says coming in to kiss your cheek, you watched whilst he continuously tried using his feathers to cool the nuggets, laughing at your idiot of a boyfriend.

i’d really appreciate if you guys could leave a like, reblog or comment, thanks x

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[delaber]

Just Friends (Part 12)

Story Summary: After moving to America for a 3-month long internship, you meet two interesting characters on a boring night out.

Word Count: 4.6K

Pairing: Rafael Casal x Reader

Warnings: Alcohol, minor drug use, smut, angst, slight dom!Rafa, swearing, and loads of British references (sorry not sorry lol)

Chapter Note: Okay so I probably should’ve tagged this story with angst. Whoops. Sorry guys

Tag List: lonelydance mysearchforgratification ramp-it-up blndspotting summerofsnowflakes exrthangel honeysucklechocolatedrippin captaintightpants58

Other Parts: See Masterlist

On Friday at 11 pm, you practically ran out the door of the lab, happy that you had managed to get so much work done within the past week. You needed some well-deserved time off and you could not wait to see Rafa and party with him and his friends all night. You had changed into the green dress that Samantha had picked out for you and was careful not to get it all sweaty as you fast-paced to the closest metro-line, hopping on the first train, eager to party.

As you arrived outside the guys' house, you could tell that it was already packed with people as laughter and rap music was booming out of the open windows in the kitchen. With a significant bounce in your step, you walked to the front door and stepped inside. The music was almost unbearably loud inside the house as you took a look around the room.

With Diggs' birthday present in hand (a bottle of Scotch and some British toffees) you did a quick scan for either the birthday boy or Rafa but was interrupted by a voice coming from the kitchen, "are you looking for Daveed? ‘Cause he disappeared into the bathroom with a girl a couple of minutes ago," a beautiful woman smiled at you. You vaguely recognised her as the girl who'd played Rafa's girlfriend in Blindspotting.

"Glad to hear that he's enjoying his birthday," you laughed, "you wouldn't happen to know where I can find Rafael?"

The girl's eyes widened, "Ooh! You're the British chick that Rafa's been on and on about for months now!" she presented her hand to you, "I'm Jasmine."

You shook her hand but your mind was elsewhere, "Rafa's been on about me... for months?"

"Yeah! I first heard about you way back in November at our annual Thanksgiving-party. He didn't know how to woo you," Jasmine smiled warmly, "and when I saw him again on Christmas day, he was still talking about wooing you even though he hadn't seen you since."

"You're kidding me!" you laughed.

"Nope!" Jasmine joined you in laughing, "he was clearly wounded by how completely uninterested you were," she chuckled.

"Aw, that poor little famous man!"

"Yeah it does get to his head sometimes. So it's really great when someone like you finally shows up and forces him to take it down a notch."

"Always happy to kindly pick him apart," you joked.

"Oh, you did way more than that!" Jasmine smiled, "to this day he will not shut up about you," she groaned playfully, "what happened? Did he finally drop by your house as we all advised him to do?"

"Nope," you shook your head with a low chuckle, "we actually bumped into each other randomly at new years."

"Ugh, I knew he'd chicken out!" Jasmine sighed, "Well I'm glad to hear that it worked out anyway - even though I have to admit that it's slightly hurtful that he didn't take any of his friends' advice," she smiled, "especially since we all told him to do the same thing; just leave a damn note."

Although you were flattered that Rafa had been talking to his friends about you even before you'd bumped into him again on new years, you had to admit that it was mildly surprising too. You were slowly realising that Rafa may have downplayed exactly how much he had thought about you in the weeks between your first and second encounter.

Jasmine's voice brought you back to reality, "You got him good," she laughed, "I don't think he's had such a challenge in years! It clearly humbled him that you didn't throw yourself at him at the first chance you got. We all adore you for leaving him desperate for more on the curb."

"Glad to be of service!" You laughed as well, already fond of Jasmine. She seemed just as carefree and bubbly as Samantha.

"Why don't we go see if we can find him? I know he's been dying for you to get here, looking at his phone every two seconds," Jasmine smiled at you.

"Yeah, I've been looking forward to it too," you smiled.

"I think he's playing beer pong in the living room."

You put down Daveed's present on a small table and followed Jasmine to the next room where most of the party goers were either dancing, talking in clusters, or playing various drinking games. Just as Jasmine had predicted, Rafa was playing beer pong with a group of people looking excitedly at the game unfolding before them. Rafa was in a light shirt and black slacks, the golden bracelet he always wore swung loosely around his wrist. His hair was in its normal slight swoop, the stubble on his chin a bit longer than you'd seen it before. He looked damned good as he was laughing with his friends.

"Hey Casal!" Jasmine said and gained his attention.

Rafa looked up at her with an expectant look on his face, clearly waiting for her continue speaking. His gaze quickly flickered to you, and when your eyes finally met, he had the same reaction as the night you'd met on new years eve; eyes softening significantly, smile slowly cracking on his face until his mouth was spread as wide as it possibly could, a hand flying to his heart as he took in your appearance. Without breaking his eye contact with you, he padded his teammate on the back and mumbled something to him before he stepped over to you, immediately pulling you tight against his chest.

"Hi," he whispered softly against you, "fuck, you look amazing," he grumbled, "I love that dress," his hands slid over your back and came to a rest just above your hip bone.

"Thanks. You look very handsome," you threw your arms around his waist, and looked up at him, almost wishing you could kiss him.

"Is it the beard?" he smiled, a slight growl to his voice.

"Yeah, you look almost grown-up," you chuckled, "where's the snarky boy from the bar?"

"Oh, he's long gone," Rafa winked down at you before he let you go when his teammate shouted his name.

"Hey, why don't you go make yourself a drink and I'll join you shortly?" he smiled, and sent Jasmine a look that silently asked her to take care of you.

"Come," Jasmine tugged on your arm, "I could use a drink as well."

You reluctantly left Rafa to go back to his game of beer pong and followed Jasmine to the other end of the living room. You both mixed a piña colada from the self-service bar, and sat down in a vacant spot in the sofa.

You looked around at the rest of the people in the sofa area, eyes almost immediately interlocking with the man you had met in the living room as you had snuck out the door on January 1st. He looked at you playfully, "Oh hey! I almost didn't recognise you with your clothes on!"

"Oh god," you groaned and laughed in the hopes of shrugging off the embarrassment you felt at the thought, "Definitely not my finest moment!"

"You don't say," he laughed and filled Jasmine in on what had happened that morning. Apparently, they knew each other as well.

"You walked out on Rafa on new years day as well?" Jasmine chuckled, "No wonder he was so grumpy when I called and wished him and Diggs a happy new year."

"Oof, you should've seen him when he found out you'd snuck out the door," the man sent you an anxious smile, "he was not happy! ...But you made up I'm guessing," he said, still smiling widely, "seeing as you're here and all."

"We did," you nodded, slightly embarrassed by how all of his friends apparently were involved in your situation but you shrugged it off with a joke, "so he only uses his friends to unload when he's frustrated? He hasn't even gotten around to tell you all about the happy ending and our rekindling friendship," you smiled.

"Yeah, he's a dick," Jasmine chuckled.

Sofa-man laughed, "Nah, we can take it. We all know that he's just insanely private about the women he fall in love with."

"The women he fall in love with?!!?!" You shrieked but no one really seemed to hear neither your voice nor your heart that was beating like crazy in your chest.

Rafa was in love????

"Oh come on," Jasmine rolled her eyes at sofa-man, "He's not private at all! He just hasn't had anyone to tell us about for years! You know Rafa. He's a big softie posing as a tough guy."

"Yeah, well that's true," the man laughed, "It's actually quite nice to finally meet the woman who was able to tie that boy down."

You felt yourself going dizzy. This was a lot to take in. Did you already mean as much to Rafa as his friends were implying? You were aware of the fact that he was insanely sexually attracted to you and that he was fond of your company - and if you were completely honest with yourself, you also knew that Rafa had a major crush on you but by the way his friends were talking about it Rafa had fallen in lo-

"Heeeeey!" a man behind you broke your stream of thoughts as he put his hands on your shoulders, "you came!"

You looked up to a smiling Daveed who looked quite tipsy.

"Daveed!" you did your best to look excited as if the news that Jasmine and the other guy had broken to you a few seconds before hadn't toppled you, "happy birthday!"

"Aw thanks," he hugged you, "did you say hi to Rafa? He's right over there," he pointed to an overly-confident Rafa who was juggling two ping pong balls.

"Yeah, we just came from over there," Jasmine laughed from beside you.

"Oh Jas!" Daveed said excitedly as if he'd only just realised that she was there, "I see you've finally met Rafa's girl!"

Before Jasmine had even had the chance to think of an answer, you swooped around, "not his girl," you pointed at Daveed and said for what felt like the millionth time since you'd gotten to know him. "I'm not Rafa's girl," you looked back at Jasmine and the man from January 1st too. They both shot you weird looks.

"Oh, trust me. You're his girl," Daveed snickered, apparently not catching on to your tone.

"I assure you I'm not!" you smiled sweetly, "we're just friends. Please stop calling me his girl. We’re friends,” you were aware that your voice was sounding desperate and pleadingly.

The smile finally disappeared from Daveed's face when he heard your tone of voice, "Are you sure Rafa's aware of that?" he furrowed his eyebrows.

"He knows!" you nodded to convince him.

"Uh, that's not really the vibe he's been sending," sofa-man said quietly from behind you.

You looked between the three friends, all of them sending you concerned looks.

"Uuuuh.... I... I need to run to the bathroom real quick," you said suddenly and stood up from the sofa, grateful that your feet took you away from the conversation without you really having to steer them. They walked in the opposite direction of the bathroom, steering towards the pool area outside instead. Air! You needed air!

You quickly walked by Rafa and his group of friends playing beer pong, praying that he didn't see you, but luckily it seemed as if he was far too concerned with the last cup standing in front of the opposite team to notice anything else.

Quickly, you opened the door to the outside, snaked your way out and slid it soundlessly shut behind you. You sat down on a bench overlooking the pool thinking about what Rafa's friends had said. Was he really so smitten with you? You couldn't decide whether you felt happy or suffocated. You were going home in a week for crying out loud! If Rafa had fallen in love with you it would complicate things a bunch! You cursed yourself for having played along for so long when deep down you knew that it was bound to happen to at least one of you. You felt like a bloody idiot!

Although... if you were completely honest with yourself, you had to admit that Rafa wasn't the only one who was smitten; you had fallen for him pretty hard as well. You had tried to fight it relentlessly but in the end his sincere nature and sweet gestures had made cupid shoot heart-shaped arrows at you. You thought of the last couple of weeks and how hard it had been for Rafa to keep his hands to himself. It had been quite sweet how involuntary it had all been and how he had practically touched or kissed you at every chance he got. He just couldn't help himself. The thought alone of his helpless, wandering hands made the butterflies flutter awake in your stomach. And you realised that even though you had fought hard to avoid it, you were actually crazy in love with him too. It felt as if you were high as you finally let yourself indulge in the feeling of being in love with him. The feeling ended abruptly, however, as you realised that the two of you didn't have a happy ending. That you still had to go home. That everything was indeed screwed.

Your train of thoughts was interrupted by the sound of the door behind you sliding slightly open before it was closed again. Not two seconds later, you were joined by Daveed who sat down next to you.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked you as he put a reassuring hand on your arm.

"Yep!" you said a little too chipper to sound believable.

"Is it Rafa?"

You didn't know why you had felt the need to pretend in front of Daceed, so you immediately let down your guard, "how'd you guess," you sighed unenthusiastically.

"What'd the idiot do now?" he too sighed.

"He didn't do anything."

"What are you sitting out here all sad for then?"

"Because I just had an epiphany," you looked up at Daveed.

"An epiphany?" He sent you an amused smile, "sounds interesting. About what?"

"About Rafa," you squinted at him as if the sun was blinding you, "I think we're in love..."

Daveed's smile grew wide, "oh, great! So you finally admit it? He's going to be stoked!"

"It's not exactly great news..."

"Why not?" Daveed laughed, "when is being in love ever bad news?"

"It is when one part is leaving the country in a week," you shot him a pained expression.

"Oh. Yeah," Daveed said slowly, his sassiness visibly dropping to zero, "That part sucks, I know."

"Yep!"

"Which is why I don't understand why you aren't in there soaking up every last minute you have left with him."

"Ugh," you buried your face in your hands, a small desperate laugh escaping your lips, "because this is so complicated. I didn't mean for this to happen. I'm usually so in control!"

Daveed laughed, "well I for one know that Rafa has been desperate to get you to drop the act and just smooch him already."

"Oh my god," you laughed into your hands, "I can't believe he's even involved all of his friends. Jasmine and that guy you were hanging with on new years day knew exactly who I was. They told me that Rafa's been ready from the beginning because I was so dismissive towards him."

"Yeah, you spellbound him," Daveed laughed.

"Did I bring this upon myself?" You squinted up at Daveed.

"You're putting too much on your own shoulders. Rafa knew from the get-go that you had to go back to Europe after a couple of months - granted, at first, I think he just saw you as an interesting fuck, but he could've stepped out when he realised that he wanted to hold you tight and buy you hotdogs and what not," he elbowed you with a laugh.

"Yeah... yeah you're right. Do you think he'll handle it alright when I go fly back home?"

He smiled secretively, "he's probably gonna go full emo."

You looked up at Rafa's best friend who you knew would have his work cut out for him, "sorry..."

"Not your fault," Daveed laughed, "and I'm guessing that you'll still keep talking and maybe fly back and forth when you have the chance. I can handle emo-Rafa if you just handle happy-Rafa."

"Sounds like a fair distribution of roles," you laughed before going all serious, "what do I do now?"

"You tell him of course," Daveed smiled brightly, "and you two just enjoy the upcoming week. I'll find somewhere to stay so you can have crazy monkey sex all over the house without having to think about the cock-block of a roomie," he winked at you.

"You truly possess big 'best mate'-energy," you laughed.

"I do," he nodded.

You smiled at him for a second before the seriousness of the situation hit you again, "wow, I wish I wasn't so..." you couldn't find the right word.

"European?" Daveed finished.

"Yeah," you chuckled, "if I didn't live so fucking far away from here, it'd be a completely different situation."

"I know," Daveed said and hugged you, "cheer up. It's gonna suck for a while but you'll find a way."

"Thanks," you mumbled into his shoulder.

You were still hugging when you heard the door slide open behind you.

"I thought I saw you two out here," Rafa's voice called happily when he stepped outside.

Daveed slowly let go of you, allowing you to turn around and face Rafa who had a large grin plastered on his face.

"My best friend and my... other friend," he smiled drunkenly, "what a sight."

"I'll give you two some privacy," Daveed said with a wink before he went inside.

Rafa took Daveed's seat next to you, immediately pulling you close, "why were you and Diggs sitting out here all alone? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," you smiled up at him, "yeah, everything's good."

"So you don't know why Jasmine looked at me all worried just before?"

"I kind of ditched her," you sent him an apologetic look.

"Aw, you don't like Jas?"

"I do! I just had to get some air and clear my head," you smiled.

"Yeah? Long day at the office?"

"You have no idea!" You laughed, "I hope you had a better day than I did."

"Mmh, I'm having the best day," he buried his face in your neck, "It's Diggs' birthday and you're here with me and I'm just having a really, really great night."

"Alright," you laughed, "well, in connection with that, I have something to tell you that I hope will make it even better," you grinned while he nuzzled against your neck. He was being really cute and you couldn't help but laugh at him, "this is a big deal, could you not act like a lovesick puppy right now?"

"No," he kissed your collarbone, "what do you want to tell me," he chuckled drunkenly.

You took a deep breath, "Rafa -"

"Mmmh," he interrupted you with a growl as he licked his lips, "I love it when you say my name," he grinned up at you.

"Be serious for once!" You laughed, "I'm about to blow your mind over here!"

"Mmmh, can't wait," he smiled, lips inching closer and closer to yours, his eyes glistening in the dim light from the pool. He smelled of beer and whiskey and it made you feel both adventurous and safe at the same time. His right hand was warm against the back of your neck as he closed the distance between you, his lips moving slowly and sensually against yours while his left hand was stroaking your thigh. He was humming slightly as he moved his body closer to you, the hand he had on your neck travelling to the middle of your thoracic spine where he pushed slightly, bringing your torso even closer to his. Kissing Rafa and finally allowing yourself to do so without feeling bad about it felt more amazing than you had ever imagined, and you felt your heart explode in a heap of colours as you both poured yourself into the slow kiss. All the nervousness you'd felt only moments before was now gone, and you suddenly couldn't wait to tell him that you were in love with him. Slowly, you pulled your lips away from his, earning yourself a small whimper from him.

"Rafa," you tried once more.

"I know, I know. You don't have to say anything," he stated flatly with a smile, his words a bit slurred from the alcohol, "I already know what you're gonna say."

"You do?" Amused, you arched an eyebrow at him.

"Yeah," he smiled confidently, "you're gonna call me out for kissing you and for wanting to fuck your brains out, and you're gonna remind me of your code and the fact that you're leaving in 7 days and blablabla," he said cockily, "and because I care about you, I'll pretend that I care about your code, so I'll tell you sorry and that I'll be on my best behaviour, and you'll accept my apology and I'll patiently wait for the next opportunity and start all over again until you finally say to hell with it all and act like you really want to. And around it goes," he smirked, his lips suddenly close to yours again, "does that sound about right?"

You blinked a few times while his words settled in your brain. Did he just say what you think he did? "Wait what? Hold up Rafa. Back up a second; You patiently wait for opportunities to overstep the boundaries of the friendship that we both agreed on? You keep pushing until I say to hell with it and let you do whatever you want?" You repeated with closed eyes, wondering if you'd understood him correctly, "are you saying that you did all of those more-than-friendly touches, and hugs, and kisses on purpose? That you were in fact able to keep your hands to yourself but you pretended not to be so you could make me say 'to hell with it?'," you looked at him rather unimpressed.

"I wanted to win you over," he shrugged with a crooked smile, "did I manage? It feels like I managed," he snickered. He did not look as cute right now as he had done only seconds before, the smell of beer and whiskey suddenly a tad bit sickening.

"So what you're saying is that you lied and pretended to be interested in being friends with me when in reality, all you could think about was planning your next move so I'd let you screw me?"

"Aw, come on. You're making me sound like a villain," he groaned.

"Rafa, let me get straight with you," you said sternly, "Don't you understand that I made those rules so this wouldn't happen?"

He finally seemed to understand the severity of the situation, "so what wouldn't happen?" He spoke in an offended tone as he straightened up.

"So we wouldn't fall for each other! And now I find out that you had an elaborate scheme to get me to throw myself at you when I told you specifically that I was not interested in that? What kind of a sociopat does that?" You stood up from the bench, anger bubbling more and more in your veins as you slowly realised what he'd done, "what the fuck, Rafa?!"

"You think I did it completely for myself?" He asked calmly but with offence still staining his tone of voice, "you think I did it to somehow lure you into sleeping with me? You really don't see that I did it because I thought you deserved to listen to your instincts for once instead of doing what you think is the right thing to do?"

"You had no right!"

"Hey, don't you dare put all the blame on me!" His voice was raised slightly as he too stood up from the bench, "you were just as bad at keeping your hands to yourself as I was! Inviting me up for tea and fucking cuddling," he spat.

"I had one weak moment!" You held up your finger.

"Oh don't give me that shit! You had several! How about kissing me in the living room after the concert? And a few days ago in Diggs' car? Or masturbating in front of me - or even whipping out your tits in the bathroom when you know I'm crazy about you?"

"That's the problem, Rafa! I thought you were just sexually frustrated! Had I known you were bonkers about me this whole time, I wouldn't have allowed it to come this far!"

"Oh you wouldn't have allowed it?" He said in a wild tone of voice, "well I'm fucking sorry for having my own free will. As if I need your permission to fall for you."

"I can't believe that I got caught up in your web," you scoffed. Mostly to yourself, "I mean; I knew you were dangerous! I knew you'd have the ability to smooth talk your way into my heart - but never in my wildest imagination did I think that you'd screw me over and do all of this on purpose to get me to fall for you. What did you do it for? Did you do it to check off the girl who rejected you? Self gratification? Bragging rights to your mates? A couple of weeks of sex? What Rafa?"

"Oh fuck you," he spat, "don't give me that shit when you're clearly just as crazy about me as I am about you."

"I'm not sure I am anymore," you said rather childishly.

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that so you can fuck off back to England without ever having to think of me again," he panted, "is that what you want? Is that really what you think is realistic? If you think you can put me in a box labelled 'my PhD-trip to California' and never think of me again, then you're clearly not as clever as I thought you were. Do you really think that just because you've tried to stay abstinent, that you could leave every thought of me across the ocean?" His voice broke as he took a step closer to you.

"I don't know what I thought," you said calmly, eyes piercing through him, "clearly, it was a mistake to engage in anything with you."

He pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down so he could be rational, "look, I'm sorry if I tricked you. It really wasn't my intention and I clearly made a mistake and you got hurt. I just need you to understand that I didn't do it on purpose; I just wanted to get you to act on your feelings instead of staying in your head. I just wanted you to enjoy your time here. With me."

"You ruined it, Rafa," you said slowly, "I don't care if you hurt me on purpose or not. You still did. You manipulated me."

"Baby come on," he croaked, his voice cracking.

"I'm not your baby," you whispered.

You looked at each other for a few seconds, his eyes drunk and hurt. "Is this is then?" He croaked with desperate hands gesturing to nothing in particular, "do you really think that my actions are so unforgivable that we can't see each other anymore?"

"No, it's not unforgivable. I just don't see the point in forgiving you when I leave in a bit anyway."

"You're breaking my heart," he said quietly.

"You broke mine first."

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Banner

Ch39: The Reunion Part 1: As Long As There’s Hope, We Have A Chance.

Intro: As the remaining Avengers continue their search for Tony, Steve and Natasha take a trip to Clint’s farm to find out what happened to the Archer and his family.

Warnings: Bad Language words. Discussions of miscarriage- if this is a trigger please stay away)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N: Please heed the warnings…biggedy up to my girl @angrybirdcr​

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Chapter 38

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist

It was eleven days post the Snap when Nat decided she couldn’t take it anymore and told Steve she wanted to go to Clint’s.

“I have to know.” She pleaded, looking at Steve. He sighed and glanced over her shoulder to Katie who merely shrugged offering him no back up. She knew where Nat was coming from, it was killing her not knowing what had happened to Tony.  

“Alright.” He acquiesced. “Let me grab a jacket.”

“I’ll meet you on the jet?” She asked. Steve nodded and watched her go before he turned to his wife who was studying him over her coffee. “If Barton was alive he would have been here by now.” Steve dragged a hand down over his beard as he dropped onto the sofa next to Katie. “I don’t understand why she doesn’t see or get that?”

"Put yourself in her shoes.” Katie sighed as she curled in on herself under a blanket on the sofa as a particularly nasty cramp hit her stomach. “You’d do the same thing for Bucky, or Sam, or me.”

"You know that I would.” He replied, noticing her shift in position and he frowned, but before he could say anything she placed her hand on his bearded cheek.

“Then just go, let her see. Plus, you could be wrong.”

“I suppose it’s happened from time to time.” He quipped and Katie smiled as he leaned over to press their foreheads together.

“Are you feeling okay?”

“Not really.” She replied honestly, “But I’ve taken some painkillers, and Dr Kellet is coming over later. Thank fuck she wasn’t snapped.”

“I can ask Thor to go with Nat instead.” Steve looked at his wife who shook her head. “She asked you for a reason.” Katie said gently, “She trusts you. And I think if its bad news, she’s gonna need you, not Thor.”

“Are you sure?” He looked at her again and she nodded. He gave her a soft kiss, bumping his nose against hers, a soft smile on his face. “I love you, Doll.”

“I know.” She smiled back. “And I love you too, Soldier. Now go.”

As Steve had predicted, Barton’s farm was deserted. The two of them walked around, checking for any signs of life and Steve found his attention drawn to the picnic table not too far from where they had landed. It was loaded with condiments, plates, cutlery and scraps of food as a squirrel darted off the top from where it had been scratching through whatever other animals had left. Steve couldn’t help but remember the first time he had visited, when he had marvelled at the normality of Barton’s life outside the Avengers. Clint had kids, a wife, a complete alter ego. At the time Steve had almost been jealous, wondering if he and Katie could ever get that life. And then he’d gone and caused them both to be on the run, essentially ending that domestic dream.

And if he hadn’t, then Thanos certainly had when he’d snapped away their baby.

Natasha, meanwhile, had stalked straight into the house. Steve, hearing the door snap shut behind her turned and watched as she stomped straight back out and over to the barn at the far side of the yard

“Natasha?” he called.

She didn’t respond. With a sigh, Steve jogged after her, his boots slapping the damp grass of the lawn as he followed her into the barn. She dodged round the tractor in the middle, making her way to a door at the far side. Steve noticed a key pad at the side and Natasha clearly knew the code as a moment later there was a beep and it swung open to reveal what he supposed could only be referred to as an office of sorts, or as Katie would call it, a ‘man-cave’. There was a desk which sported some hi tech coms devices along with a computer. At the other side was a large flat screen TV mounted on the wall, a small couch, a stereo but none of that was what Natasha was looking at. She’d headed directly to some form of smaller room at the back and opened that to reveal a shelving unit of sorts. On one of them was an empty case that had clearly held a bow and arrow. Natasha then bent over and when she stood up Steve noticed she was holding a government issued ankle bracelet that had obviously at one point been around Clint’s ankle.

Not anymore, it was in two pieces.

“He’s alive,” Nat’s voice cracked. “Steve. he’s…he’s alive"

It was good news in a way, but then again, where was he? Surely if he and his family had survived then Clint would have brought them to the compound to find the rest of the team. But this looked like he had left in a hurry. Alone.

Which made Steve think that his family hadn’t been so lucky.

Natasha, satisfied that Clint was alive but clearly nowhere to be found at the farm, suggested they head home and see if they could track him from the compound. Steve hadn’t the heart to tell her that he didn’t think they’d have much of a chance and he knew deep down that if she was being honest, she probably thought the same thing. Instead, he nodded and they headed back over to the jet, which is when the pair of them heard something skulking around the side of the house. Natasha whipped out her gun as Steve spun, drawing himself up to full height. Exchanging a look, they both rounded the porch, cautiously approached, but as soon as Steve saw what it was, he relaxed.

“Hey buddy.” He courched down to pet the sandy coloured one-eyed dog that belonged to Clint, scratching behind his ear as the dog gave a little, desperate whine.

“Clint just left him.” Nat sighed, blinking back her tears. “He loved that dog, I don’t understand.”

“He won’t have been thinking straight, Nat.” Steve looked up at her, then around slightly, chewing the inside of his cheek before he made a decision. “We’ll take him home with us.” He stood up and, giving a sharp whistle, he was pleased to find the dog simply trotted behind him, up the ramp and happily curled up in a corner on a fleece Steve laid out for him.

“Do you know how old he is?” Steve asked, scratching the dog who rolled over, offering up his belly for a rub.

“Well when they found him the vets estimated he was about six months old…so seven now, give or take.” Natasha watched Steve who smiled, and made a cooing noise at the dog as he continued to pet him. “Never had you down as an animal lover, Rogers.”

“Always liked dogs.” He smiled. “I used to beg Ma for one all the time when I was a kid so she let us dog sit the neighbours. It set my asthma off, damned near killed me. So that put paid to that.” He took a deep breath and stood up, looking down at Lucky who flipped himself the right way up, pulling himself to a sitting position, his head cocking to the left. “Besides, I couldn’t just leave him there.”

“Katie’s right about you.” Natasha smiled. “You’re nothing but a huge softy under all that muscle.”

“Yeah, well, don’t tell anyone.” His brow raised. “I got a reputation to uphold.”

As they settled into the cockpit, Steve glanced at Natasha who was looking at the pieces of Clint’s ankle tag which she’d brought with her for some reason. But as he watched her turn them over in her hands, he had a sudden thought that there was someone else they should probably check in on as well. He voiced his thoughts to Natasha who nodded, and plugged in the co-ordinates for an airfield in San Francisco which was about thirty miles away from the address Scott Lang had listed on his house arrest details.

In little over an hour and forty later they pulled up outside Lang’s house and both hopped off the bike. No one answered so Steve simply kicked the door in and, once they were inside, they found it had been deserted some time ago. The remnants of a breakfast lay on a plate on the side growing mold and there was a mug and a plate in the sink. Natasha headed up the stairs, as Steve checked around the ground floor to see if there was anything that might give them a clue. The only thing he noticed was a calendar. The date of the Snap was circled, 23rd April, and next to it was written ‘QR- Research’. He didn’t have a clue what that meant. Letting out a deep breath he walked back into the hall and Nat came back down the stairs.

“No sign of anything being packed from his closet and his bed wasn’t made.”

“Well, his calendar seems to suggest he had a research date or something but other than that…” Steve trailed off as he spotted the red-light on the answer phone was blinking. He glanced at Natasha who inclined her head towards it and he reached out hitting the play button.

“Hi, Daddy” a little girls voice spoke and Steve and Natasha exchanged a look. Steve knew Scott had a daughter, but it struck him then that he had never even bothered to ask her name. “I tried your mobile but you’re obviously busy doing cool stuff with Hope and Dr Pymm…Mom said that you should come over tonight for five now your tag is off and it’s your favourite for tea. Oh and I got a new ant farm for you to try out. I love you, byeeeee!”

“Scott took two years house arrest to be with his daughter.” Steve shook his head, raising his eyebrows. “He wouldn’t just run out.”

“Think we’ve seen enough?” Nat sighed.

“Yeah.” Steve looked at her. “Let’s go home.”

***** “Well,” Dr Kellet looked at Katie as she sat up on the bed in the medical area of the compound, “there’s nothing physically wrong. Everything looks okay. I expect the cramps will settle down soon. It’s not uncommon with miscarriages, Mrs Rogers to feel some discomfort, especially when there’s been a procedure involved. And this, well, it wasn’t a normal miscarriage either so…”

Katie nodded and looked at her hands.

“How are you?” The Doctor asked and Katie looked up. “And I don’t mean physically.”

“I’m okay, I suppose.” Katie let out a deep breath. “I mean, I know there’s nothing I can do about it but it doesn’t stop me wondering you know, if I could have done something or-”

“Even in the case with normal miscarriages there’s nothing that anyone can do.” The Doctor spoke softly. “It’s a natural reaction, Mrs Rogers, you’re still in the grief cycle.” She clicked her bag shut. “Don’t be too hard on yourself. Give it time.”

“That’s what Steve keeps saying.” Katie mused, softly.

“How has he been?” “Amazing.” Katie smiled instantly. “He’s been an absolute rock, I know he’s upset himself but he just…” she trailed off. “It’s good that you have one another.” Dr Kellet smiled as she handed Katie her bag containing her pill. Neither of them spoke much, it was a silent gesture that made them both feel a little strange. They hadn’t even discussed the subject of her birth control going forward, but with everything that was going on Katie was suddenly struck with the thought that even the simple things like obtaining medical treatment was going to be much more difficult as they’d lost half the people that kept medical centres open.

Doctors, Nurses, receptionists, porters…

“I’m going to be meeting with the Local Authorities.” Dr Kellet looked at Katie as if she had read her mind. “All the remaining specialists have talked about how we need a, well, sort of a how we go forward planning session.” “Let me know if we can help in anyway.” Katie nodded. “That’s what we have the Stark Relief fund for.” Dr Kellet smiled before the two exchanged goodbyes and the Ob-Gyn left, leaving Katie alone with her thoughts which were disrupted when she heard her phone going. It was a message from Steve to tell her they were on their way home with good and bad news. Katie wasn’t sure if she wanted to know, to be honest, but she assumed the good news was Clint was alive, the bad news well, it didn’t bear thinking about. Deciding she would rather hear it in person, she replied and told him she’d leave some dinner for them both in the communal kitchen, and with that she headed off to find something he could cook.

****

Steve and Natasha landed home at just gone eight in the evening. And, given that they hadn’t eaten since breakfast, they headed straight to the kitchen with Lucky in tow and found two plates of lasagne waiting for them in the fridge, one substantially larger portion than the other. Whilst it was warming up. Steve gave Lucky a drink and then found some left over chicken and scraps of vegetables from the roast dinner the night before and placed them down in a dish for him to eat. Lucky wolfed his make shift dinner down, and so did they. Between them they ate their helpings, plus the leftovers, along with a helping of salad and then walked down the dimly lit corridors, dog on their heels. It was completely deserted.

“Feels odd doesn’t it?” Nat remarked “I mean it was always so busy.” “We will fix this Nat.” Steve spoke, and he wasn’t sure where his optimism was coming from, but seeing Clint was alive gave him more hope than he’d had that morning.

“Thank you for coming.” She said as they stopped by the stairs that led to her apartment.“I really appreciate it.”

“You don’t need to thank me, Nat.” Steve smiled, giving her a hug.  “Do you wanna take our guest or should I?” he gestured down to the dog. She shook her head. “Katie has a soft spot for that dog, plus you said yourself you’re a dog person. I prefer cats.”

That didn’t surprise Steve in the slightest and he found himself smiling slightly as he replied. “Alright, see you in the morning,” before he watched her up the steps and was pleased to see some of her usual Black Widow swagger had returned.

“Come on, buddy.” He turned to the dog which obediently trotted besides him, tongue lolling, his one eye trained on the super soldier.

Katie was awake in bed, the speakers in the room playing what sounded like the Trouble Man soundtrack as she lay on her side, facing the door, her hands absentmindedly playing with the pillow she had clutched to her chest.

“Hey.” he said as he walked in and she looked up, smiling softly. He leaned over to give her a gentle kiss before he frowned. “You’re crying.” It was a statement, not a question, as it was something she seemed to do quite a lot of recently. He sat on the edge of the bed and with tender hands, wiped her tears away with his thumbs as she sat up. “Is everything okay, I mean with…”

“Oh, yeah, I’m fine. I was just thinking about Sam, that’s all.”

Steve bowed his head, swallowing a little. Sam had been such a constant in their lives since they’d met him some four years previously, and two of those years they’d basically spent as house mates. It felt strange not to have him round, laughing and joking. Quite frankly, Steve felt like someone had ripped away his arm.

“I miss him too.” He admitted gently, and Katie looked at him, reaching up to cup his face. Steve sniffed a little before he shook his head.

“So, what did Dr Kellet say?” He changed the subject. “Nothing much. Says I’m physically alright, any discomfort I’m feeling should be gone soon.” “Do you need anything? Pain relief or…” She shook her head “I’m okay, honestly.” She took a deep breath. “So, what did you find?”

“Clint’s alive.” Steve stood and shrugged off his jacket, laying it on the back of the chair by the dressing table. Katie gave a sigh of relief which was short lived as she spotted the look on Steve’s face.

“What is it?”

“There’s no sign of him. He’d bust off his tag and left. I don’t think his family made it.” Katie bowed her head “They’re gone? All of them?”

“I think so yeah.”

“Fuck.” Katie screwed shut her eyes as her head fell back and she looked to the ceiling.

“We do, however have a guest.” Steve added, looking over at her.

“Who?”

“Lucky.” At the sound of his name the dog came pounding into the bedroom and jumped straight up on the bed.

“I couldn’t just leave him there.” Steve explained as Katie smiled and leaned over to scratch the dog behind his ears, promptly causing him to lay down, his head in Katie’s lap. She wrinkled up her nose.

“He stinks!”

“Yeah well he’s been alone since Clint left, God knows what he’s been up to or eating.” Steve shrugged as Katie looked down at the dog who rolled over for a belly scratch and she obliged. “And it doesn’t look like Lang made it either.” Steve finished heavily, watching as Katie tickled the animal.

Katie shook her head sadly, a tear falling onto the bed as Lucky rolled back over and moved to lick the side of her face before he jumped down on the floor.

“Nat wants to give Barton a few more days to cool off before we look for him but I’m not sure he wants to be found.“  Steve dropped back onto the side of the bed, removing his shoes and then his shirt thinking back to what he had seen at Clint’s. He laid his palms flat on the bed and dropped his head gently, letting out a sigh. He heard the sheets rustle as Katie edged her way closer to him, leaning her head on the back of his shoulder, nuzzling her cheek against him.

"How is Nat?” She asked.

“A little bit better now that we know he’s alive.”

Katie nodded as she dropped a kiss to the back of Steve’s shoulder before he stood up, “I’m gonna take a shower, I won’t be long.”

“Okay. Where’s Lucky gonna sleep?”

“I dunno.” Steve eyed up the dog who was now led on his back on the floor as if he’d been with them all his life “Looks like he’s comfy there.” “Yeah, it does.” Katie smiled.

Whilst Steve was in the shower Katie went into the closet and pulled out one of the old duvets for Lucky to sleep on, folding it up and placing it at the end of the bed. Steve was out of the shower shortly and climbed into bed besides Katie, reaching over and turning off the light before he settled down on his back and Katie cuddled up to him, head on his chest

“So what have you been up to today?” He asked gently, his hand rubbing her back.

“Still trying to get a lock on where Tony is. Other than that, well, I saw the doctor,  made dinner and then I wasn’t feeling great if I’m honest. So I came back here and Thor sat with me for a while, just talking.”

Steve took a deep breath, pulling her a little closer as they both fell silent for a moment, before she broke the silence.

“You now, knowing Clint is alive makes me feel a little more optimistic.”

“Optimistic?”

“Yeah, think about it.” Katie’s hand traced hapes on his bare chest “That’s six out of seven of the original Avengers confirmed alive. Tony has to be as well, it makes sense.” “I’m not following.” Steve frowned. She propped herself up, so that she was leaning on his chest, her eyes locking onto his.  “Thor was talking before, those stones, they have a magic beyond anything we know. Thor doesn’t believe for a second that who’s left is merely a coincidence and neither do I. It’s happened for a reason. Tony’s out there, I can feel it. We just need to find him.” “Honey, I understand what you’re saying-“ Steve started, he wasn’t sure he agreed. He didn’t believe in fate, it was bullshit. But before he could say anything else she cut him off.

“Please don’t.” she said, shaking her head. “Don’t what?”

“Take this hope away from me.” She whispered, her eyes still locked onto his in the dim light of the room “Apart from you it’s all I have right now.”

He sighed and nodded, chastising himself. If it made her feel better who was he to try and make her think any differently just because he did? Eventually they would have to face facts but now, well he just wanted her to get through the next few days, one at a time. With that in mind, he bit back his response and kissed her head.

“Sorry, you’re right. As long as there’s hope, we have a chance.” She kissed him gently before settling back down, and it wasn’t long before she drifted off. *****

A week or so later, Thor returned from another scouting trip with no news or sign of his people and this time he set deep into a brooding depression, appearing only for meals. Not even Katie could talk him round. Pepper was keeping herself busy liaising with who was left at Stark Industries, turning her attention onto how they could help after Katie had told her about Dr Kellet and the Health Authorities. It kept Pepper busy and gave her something to focus on.

Steve, Natasha and Rhodey spent most of their time talking to the people who were conducting the census and the authorities, whilst Katie buried herself away with Rocket and Bruce trying to calibrate the scanners to reach further into space, bouncing off the NASA satellites to boost their range. But they continued to get nothing. The elephant in the room, however, remained Fury’s pager. In the two weeks they’d had it no one had managed to get working, not even Rocket, despite his attempts to fix the booster that was attached to it.

As the Nineteenth post snap afternoon drew to a close, the Racoon let out a frustrated sigh and downed the small screwdriver he had been using and shook his head.

“If I had the right parts I could sort this easy, but without getting up to Contraxier I wouldn’t know where to start.” “What’s Contraxier?” Katie asked.

“A market-slash-junk-slash-booze hole” Rocket shrugged.” You can find most stuff there. That’s where I stole Thor’s eye.”

Katie knew better than to ask.

“It’s so goddamned annoying.” Rocket continued. “I mean it’s a simple technology too, they’re ten a credit. All it needs to do is produce a magnetic field across each of these coils and bingo.” Katie looked at Bruce whose head had instantly shot up.

“Say that again?” The Scientist instructed gently. “These coils.” Rocket pointed to the item as Bruce walked over. “Each of them needs a magnetic core and then all of the little individual magnetic forces add together and it powers the…what?” He asked as Bruce looked at Katie and she grinned.

“An electromagnet?” She shook her head, almost laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. “That’s all it is?” “I’ve no idea what you Terrans call it, but if that’s what that does then yeah.” “I can’t believe it.” Bruce picked up the device and slid it under the large magnifying glass Rocket had been using, letting out a groan of frustration. “I took my eye off the ball, I could have sorted this straight away…” “You’re kidding me right?” Rocket sighed “Seriously?”

“Bruce, we’ve had a lot going on, don’t...” Katie began to sooth the man who was now frantically rushing around, grabbing various bits of material as he continued to curse his stupidity.

With a final curse, he settled down at a seat, bending over the device, his nose barely an inch away from it.

“It was an electromagnet. A god-damned electromagnet.” Bruce shook his head as he stood up and placed the Pager on a plinth inside one of the glass cases he used to experiment in. He fiddled around with some wires, muttering to himself before standing back. As the three of them crowded round, the screen on the pager lit up and the word “SENDING” flashed across the screen.

Katie looked at Bruce, her face splitting into a smile as he looked at her, the corner of his mouth twisting upwards.

There was another glimmer of hope…

**** Chapter 39 Part 2