#I’m losing it at ‘the power of both male and female’ it’s very BY OUR POWERS COMBINED!!

[briar-rolfes-research-oubliette]

—Really enjoying this k.d. lang quote from a 1994 Vanity Fair article.

The full quote is a little different:

​The real points of interest to me are ‘I use my sexuality, but I eliminate the gender from it’ + ‘androgyny… is making your sexuality available to everyone.’ I’m about to have spicy gender thoughts.

I think our current western understanding of gender as something totally disconnected from sexuality (the gender bread man etc) has served its limited purpose… it’s time to think about how queer sexualities ARE genders. Butch is a gender, bear is a gender, twink is a gender—they each come with their own modes of dress and speech, social roles, a rough ballpark for sexual interests, and a rough idea of possible pronouns and terms of respect to use—which are what a gender needs in order to serve its social function. (I don’t think gender exists beyond a social function; gender is outward-facing, it is a combination of signals that tell people how to approach you. It’s for this reason that I don’t believe gender exists as an immutable feature of souls, genitals, or hormones. I think this is why autistic people are so good at realising they’re trans… they’re more likely to think about their social interactions from different analytical angles).

ANYWAY, this lang quote has made me think about how the thing androgyny communicates is bisexuality. Realising I was bi and that, if I wanted to be noticed, I needed to dress the part was the reason I started thinking about my gender in the first place. Whenever people say ‘nonbinary people don’t owe you androgyny’ it has always pissed me off, because it’s been so clear to me that I owe it to myself FOR other people (not straight people, lol. my gender is illegible to them, but that’s okay… it’s not For them). Maybe that’s because my gender is just communicating my sexuality.

I’m simply not gonna start unpacking the idea of Elvis as androgynous. I just can’t do it… not tonight…

[ariluvsusm]

Connection was so cute! I am actually so obsessed!!

Could I request an Azriel piece where him and the reader have been together for a while but the Inner circle doesn’t know Az is dating anyone. Finally he takes her to meet them and they all get to see this very sweet and doting side of Azriel

I just want a very sweet Azriel and an Inncer circle that is losing their ever-loving minds because of it

IMPORTANT- I REWROTE THIS!! the version i wrote and posted last night sucked ass!! PLEASE READ (OR REREAD) AND GIVE ME FEEDBACK :) a/n: oh my gosh thank you so much!! i literally wrote it at 4 am and when i woke up that morning i had to correct like 30 grammar mistakes and added more dialogue to make it less… to the point? i just felt like it should’ve been longer seeing as being mates is a huuuge deal. anyway, thank you so much for the feedback and thank you for being my first ask!!! such a cute idea!!!

warnings: female y/n, none other!! just a few sexual implications :) and a sickeningly adorable az!!

ALSO- i didn’t include feyre. i am SO bad at writing feyre for some reason 😭 i’m trying to get better i swear!! im sorry if you wanted to see feyre, but it turned out so horrible i just decided to delete her dialogue and it made the rest of the fic better LMAOOOO

wordcount- 3.1k

————————————————————————

you’re laying in bed with your boyfriend, azriel. early morning light streams in through the windows, and his shadows dance across your bare skin. azriel is holding your hand in one of his, his other rubbing soothing circles on your back. you can tell he’s deep in thought.

“tonight.” he says quietly, turning his head to look at you affectionately.

“tonight… what?”

“i want you to meet my friends tonight.” he says to you, moving one of his hands to brush hair out of your face. “if you would like to, that is.”

you stay silent, hoping he changes his mind. his friends are so intimidating- the high lord, really?

“it’s- it’s just that… you’re such a big part of my life, y/n. and they are too. it feels weird, like i’m hiding you or something. i want everyone to know that we’re together.” he says hesitantly.

“i don’t know, az. i don’t know if they’d like me. i’m not some… i’m not like the rest of you. i’m just a healer, a scholar at that. i only came here last year, as a refugee. I’m barely squeaking by. i’m not on the court, i’m not rich or special.” you say, the last sentence barely a whisper.

“would you like to be?”

“what?”

“would you like to be on rhys’ court? i could train you to become a spy. we don’t have any female spies, it could be useful. or- or you could be our ambassador. you’re kind, and funny, lovable-“

“az,” you say softly. “it’s not that. it’s just that all of your friends are so much more powerful than me. what if they don’t like me.”

“they’re going to love you. y/n, you make me the happiest male in prythian. they will love you, because they love me, and they want to see me happy. that, and you are the most wonderful female i have ever met. you’re charming, you’re beautiful, you’re intelligent. they will love you.”

“okay…” you whisper.

“good.” he says, leaning forward for a kiss. your lips meet, and then you get out of bed, putting on a simple dress, the healers uniform, and turning around to see azriel watching. you walk back towards him and peck his lips.

“i’m gonna go to my class, do a shift at the camp, and then i’ll buy a new dress. i’ll be back before 2 at the latest. maybe we can pick up some coffee or something before dinner?”

azriel nods, sitting up in bed and stretching. his body tanned and toned. while he stretches, you slip on a pair of tights and flats.

“actually, i want to come with you to pick out your dress.” he turns towards you, pulling his shirt over his head.

“in… public?” you ask. you guys have been discreet, trying to keep your relationship a secret. for both privacy and safety reasons.

“y/n… i am all in. i want everyone to know. everyone.”

“okay,” you let out a breath, “me too. meet me on the bridge at noon?”

you kiss him once more before leaving your apartment and making your way to the school of medicine, taking your early morning class, and then arriving at the healers camp, where you diagnose a group of children with a new virus that’s been going around, and performing the proper magic in order to heal them.

—————————————— > azriel & rhys

azriel knocks on rhys’ office door, nervously for some reason. he knows that his brother will be supportive no matter what.

“come in,” a deep voice says from inside. azriel opens the door, walking inside the familiar room and sitting down. rhysand looks up. “hey, az. what are you doing here? i thought you were working on that tactic research in the library.”

“it’s about that…” the shadowsinger says, “there is no tactic research. i’ve been seeing someone.”

rhys does a double take. “seeing someone? why didn’t you tell me? research is boring anyway. females are much more interesting.”

“well… i just didn’t want her to feel overwhelmed. you guys are like… a gang of mother hens. but i came here to ask you if it would be okay if she comes here to dinner and meets everyone. she-“ he takes a breath, “she was so nervous to meet you all. she thinks she’s too low-class or low-level or something. but she’s the most amazing female i know. she’s- i-i think she’s the one, rhys…”

“az, that’s amazing! of course!” rhys beams. “finally, you bring a female home to mom!”

az groans. “see this, right here? this is why you didn’t meet her for the first year. one more word and i might just make it two.”

“a year?! gods above azriel, are you planning a wedding without your dear family aswell?” rhys clutches at his heart, feigning heartbreak.

—————————————————— > you after your 4 hour shift, you travel to where you and azriel agreed to meet. he’s already standing there, leaning onto the railing of the bridge and looking over into the water. his shadows wrap around his chest and neck, up to his ear, probably informing him of your arrival as he turns around and smiles at you.

“you wanna grab some coffee first?” he asks you before you can speak. you simply nod, and he grabs your hand. he smiles down at you, a warm, affectionate smile. his shadows wrap around where your bodies connect, dancing on your arms. then the two of you begin your walk to the small shop, passing by multiple gaping people on the way. some looks of jealousy, some of pure shock.

when you arrive, he greets the barista and orders your favorite drink for you. you sit down at a small table near the front, with a view to the sea, and you even hold hands over the table like a normal couple. and you couldn’t be happier.

———————————————————- timeskip

the dress [modest version :)] you end up with is perfect. it’s elegant, floorlength, and silk. yet, it’s cute and youthful, slightly revealing, and fashionable, in a beautiful shade of deep red to compliment the tie you bought azriel. although he went a bit red, he agreed to wear it with little complaint. soon, you are applying kohl to your eyes and matching red lipstick to your lips. you put your hair in a half up, half down hairstyle and slip on your heels. you give yourself a once over in the mirror, and leave.

you’d had a lot of discourse over what to wear- azriel tried to assure you it was perfect, but you were still nervous. on one hand, it’s your boyfriend’s family. on the other, it’s a group of the most legendary warriors and powerful leaders in history. either way it’s hard.

azriel flies you to the peak where the house of wind sits- a breathtakingly beautiful view of the city and sea sits beyond the mansion. he grips your hand and squeezes once as you walk up the front steps. you stand in front of the huge, fancy, looming front doors.

“are you ready?” he asks you.

“not really.” you reply.

“they’re going to love you, y/n. you’re the most brilliant and hardworking female i know. and you make me the happiest-“ basically repeating his speech from that morning.

“i know, i know. let’s go.” you cut him off. and then he reaches for the doorknob and you’re standing inside of the fancy foyer.

“that must be az! get your shadowy ass in here, we were about to start without you!” a high female voice yells from the dining room. the morrigan. you can tell because she guest spoke in a self defense class you attended. he takes off your coat, placing it on a giant coatrack, and then grabs your hand and leads you through a hallway. to the dining room, where 4 pairs of eyes immediately land on you. you know all of their names. amren. the morrigan. cassian. and rhysand- the high lord- who gives you a grim smile.

after a few moments of silence that lasted a lifetime, cassian says:

“it would appear azriel has brought us a female.”

azriel makes to move forward, but you are glued to the spot- stiffly standing there. the morrigan stands up.

“im mor,” she says, placing a comforting hand on your back and coaxing you out of your spot, “im sorry about them. they were all raised in a barn, it seems.”

“im y/n.” you say, trying your best to give her a smile. azriel protectively places an arm around you and leads you to two spots on the other side of the table.

“im cassian.” cassian says, “and that’s amren. she can be grumpy.” you love over at amren, and she’s sniffing the air- as if she can smell you and your soul. it sends a chill down your spine.

“so this is the female,” the high lord says, “i can see why you kept her to yourself for a year.”

the table breaks out into an outrage. cries of ‘a year?’, ‘azriel!’, and numerous other scoldings litter the table. even amren looks mad.

“you kept her from us for a year?!” cassian says, gaping. azriel places a hand on your thigh and looks at you, his eyes seeming to say are you alright?

the action doesn’t go unnoticed by the rest of the table. regardless, you give him a slight nod and turn towards them.

“well, seeing all of your reactions, it seems i was correct to do so. i should’ve kept her from you longer.”

“im right here, you know.” you smile at the two ridiculously buff men.

rhys adds with a smirk, “yes, in case you would like to speak to her and not about her.”

“finally, someone who makes our sweet azzy happy.” cassian sighs mockingly, alcohol beginning to take effect.

“the happiest male in prythian.” azriel turns to look at you, making eye contact. you look back up at him and smile.

“gods, you two are so cute. i never thought i’d see the day azriel finds the sunlight to his shadows.” mor says, looking at you approvingly. azriels shadows wrap round your arm and leg closest to him, which doesn’t go unnoticed by cassian. or the rest of the table, apparently.

“i never thought i’d see the day where azriel’s shadows like someone other than azriel.” cassian adds to mors comment. azriels shadows wrap around your torso.

“so, y/n, what do you do?” mor asks you. you wish she hadn’t; your cheeks burn in shame.

“i’m- i’m a student. i’m a refugee from fall court. i n-never got the chance to study at home.” azriels grip tightens on your thigh, and you look down. this is where they change their minds about you.

but mor- and the rest of the table- doesn’t look at you in disappointment or disapproval. she just nods, still ever-smiling.

“she’s studying medicine. she’s going to become a healer- she’s got the gift.” azriel says proudly, looking at you with admiration behind his eyes. you blush. cassian and the high lord exchange a look, as if to say, oh, man, he’s in love. amren smirks at mor, nodding at whatever thought is conveyed by her facial expression.

unexpectedly, the high lord says “that’s wonderful. i wish we could give sanctuary to more, save more. and we need healers. those who are blessed with the gift are sacred.”

“it’s an honor, high lord.” you reply. azriel looks at you in amusement at your use of honorifics, and you suppose that rhysand doesn’t use his title here.

“oh, gods, y/n, just rhys. or rhysand. please.” he says, waving it off and smiling.

cassian gasps, “but i still have to call you most great and all powerful high lord rhysand?!”

the table breaks out in laughter.

soon, you are enveloped in a conversation with mor and cassian about training. they want you to come train with them- learn how to defend yourself and others- and you agree. it could be very useful. azriel butts in whenever he can, boasting about your accomplishments and achievements. they congratulate you, trying not to let their jaws hit the floor at how soft azriel is with you, laughing and smiling at azriels enthusiasm about you. even amren smiles a little- and offers to show you how to properly use the huge library to research and study what you want. she offers to teach you how to harvest your magic- something you never used in fall court. the group looks very surprised, gaping at her. to which amren replies:

“what? if she’s to live with us, and appear at our dinners and in our lives, i should like to get to know her past basic dinner small talk.”

after dinner, you’re all stuffed and sitting around in the living area with glasses of wine. you and azriel sit on a loveseat- mor and amren are in armchairs, rhys and cassian on the main couch. you guys share stories; they ask you stories of fall court, let you talk and talk of your home.

azriel protectively places his arm around you, pushing you in closer to him. you two are basically cuddling.

“a little closer,” cassian says, quite drunkenly, “and she may have to take a pregnancy tonic.”

this elicits a growl from azriel, shocking you so much that you jump. you look at him with an incredulous expression upon your face- mor and rhys and howling with laughter. cassian just downs another glass.

“did you know she got the highest marks in her class last year despite only joining the class in the last half?” azriel says, again bragging about your academics. your face warms up.

“she became an apprentice even though she only attended half the classes! and now she works directly under the head healer!” he states, looking down at you and smiling warmly. you can’t help but smile back.

“stop gloating about my grades!” you playfully smack him on the arm.

“but you did so good!” he objects.

“im just saying, i agree with azriel.” mor says, “it makes feel safe knowing someone in our group can heal, and is knowledgeable.”

our group our group our group our group

her words swim around in your head and you can’t help but smile. azriel squeezes you, like he knows what you’re thinking about.

mor gets up and stretches. “y/n, you should come train with us tomorrow. we train from 8, after breakfast, to 11, right before lunch.” she glances quickly at a clock. “oh, shit, it’s 2:30 guys! you guys should just stay here, it’s too late for you to be up and about.” rhys nodded and stood up, stretching too.

“yes, all of you sleep in your rooms here tonight. it’s too late for you all to leave.”

then, cassian gets up.

“azriel, try to be quiet when you bed y/n tonight. we share a wall and i want to sleep.” you look down, blushing, and if looks could kill cassian would be six feet under because of the one azriel shot him. but cassian tips his head back and roars in laughter.

“it was so good to meet you, y/n. you’re the most amazing female for azriel. and im glad he decided to finally take you out of the safety and comfort of his dungeon.” rhys says to you, all of you now standing.

“hey, it was a mutual decision to hide it.”

“oh, yeah,” cassian mocks, “wouldn’t want her to get mobbed in the street by all of your other potential suitresses, brother.”

“well… i’m glad you guys deemed us worthy enough of y/n’s presence.”

azriel groans.

after 5 minutes of goodbye and goodnight and see you tomorrow, finally, you and azriel make your way through the mansion to what you suppose is azriel’s room. after bathing, you put on one of his shirts and undershirts and climb into bed with him. you lay your upper body on his chest, and he wraps his arms around you

“it wasn’t that bad, right?” he asks you, intertwining his fingers with yours.

“no, no. they were great. i’m excited to train with you guys. and study with amren.” you say, tracing circles on his toned chest.

“well…” he drawls, “let’s just say that you might be seeing a lot of them.”

“what?” you ask, changing your position to look up at him. “what do you mean?”

“rhys told me- hinted- that he’s going to ask you to be on his court.”

“oh- hinted”

“y/n, while you and mor were discussing healing, he said ‘you know, i have a position on my court open. one that happens to be whatever position y/n would want on my court’.”

you gasp. “azriel! holy gods.”

“I told you they would love you! you’re basically already part of the family!” he says.

“well…im glad you introduced them to me.” you say, laying back down while he wraps his wings around you. tendrils of shadow run up and down your bare skin, curling and trailing and slithering.

“i’m glad you enjoyed dining with them. and that they weren’t too bad.” he jokes.

you smile into his skin. and that’s how you fall asleep; moonlight and shadows entwined on your skin, his wings and arms wrapped around you, and you curled into him. you can’t help but feel at home here. with him- and with them.

—————————————————————————

(a/n)- UGH i struggled with this lowkey 😭 all week this week i’ve been writing bits and pieces. i’ve been super busy, so if it’s kinda horrible and breaky upy that’s why. i rewrote a lot of it since it annoyed me so bad 😭

[my-mt-heart]

Is the reason why you want a female showrunner so bad because most romance writers are women? I want canon Caryl but I don’t want TWD to be Bridgerton or Gilmore Girls with zombies.

Just because I want a romantic journey for Caryl doesn't mean I want someone to turn their show into Bridgerton or Gilmore Girls and it also doesn't mean a female showrunner would. If we should worry about anyone taking romance in the wrong direction, it’s Zabel and co. who are now comparing Daryl to a “lonely knight” from a Lamartine poem🤨 The reason I need an experienced female showrunner is because she's far more likely to connect with a deeply internal female character like Carol and an unconventional, also deeply internal, male character like Daryl. She can highlight their nuances and appeal to a largely female audience + many male viewers who don't fit the hypermasculine stereotype. She can help that audience grow and get the show a lot of mainstream attention.

I’m not saying men can’t write for these characters, but the toxic white men TWDU only seems to hire now are far too self-indulgent. They don't write for the characters or for their fans. Look at how Daryl often comes across in S1– as a white American savior, eligible bachelor, emotionally constipated except when he’s angry, and someone who can make eyes at a woman he barely knows despite having someone at home. That's not the Daryl so many people fell in love with during the Sophia arc in the flagship show. That's not the loyal family man who wears his heart on his sleeve and reserves any "glances' for the woman he’s always loved. They write their male protagonist from a limited perspective and same goes for the women. They turn them into tropes like the femme fatale (Maggie), the “good girl vs the whore” (Isabelle), the “manipulator” (also Isabelle), and the “strong woman” aka a woman who acts like an alpha male. Carol was a badass in 106, but there was no emotion behind her actions. Why couldn’t we get a closeup of her face while she was mounting the bike? Why couldn’t we see how worried she was about losing Daryl, the man who means everything to her? Was it cut? Was it even shot? Why didn’t the male EPs think that might be important?

Look at the ways they gatekeep. If “The Book of Carol” is supposed to shine a spotlight on our deeply internal female protagonist, then why are Zabel and Richman writing half the scripts themselves and why are their no female directors? Representation offscreen is just as important as representation onscreen.

Melissa will have had a lot to say about Carol's arc, which I think will make a big difference in S2 thankfully, but she still needs another woman in power to help her tell Carol's and Caryl's story the way she and her fans want it to be told and to promote Carol fairly. Notice how she keeps getting left out of promos or pitted against other characters or reduced to a subtitle? That does not mean Melissa has no agency or that she's weak. It means the misogyny at AMC, and TWDU in particular, runs too deep for her to be immune. She needs allies.

I need an experienced female showrunner for S3, otherwise I'm not interested. Zabel, Nicotero, and Gimple are a ticking timebomb. S1 was pretty damaging. I'm hoping S2 won't be, but at some point there's going to be no coming back from one of their careless decisions and I can't watch that happen to the two iconic characters who have functioned as fictional role models in both my personal and professional life. I need to know that AMC values Melissa, Carol, and Caryl as much as I do as a fan. Letting the men run amuck, letting them shit on Melissa/Carol/Caryl and their fans constantly, is not very convincing.

[gynarchyboi]

Female Superiority.

I'm a female supremacist. How could one be a dominatrix or a submissive man and not be a female supremacist?

The violent competitiveness men naturally posses that was essential in prehistoric times that aided in our survival has now become a burden to civilization. Now the skills of cooperation, empathy, and complex multitasking are the needed skills. Consequently, men will lose power in the coming years. And, that's a good thing.

Of course, I know that one particular woman may not be superior in any way to one particular man. I'm not an idiot. However, if you look at all women and compare them to all men, you start seeing differences. We perform better on IQ tests. We earn more advanced degrees. We commit fewer crimes. The list is endless. Women, in general, are superior to men, in general. I know that this is more true in the industrial world but this only proves my point. As a culture and a society progresses, women become more powerful and take their rightful place as leaders.

I’m not strident. I’m quiet about my views but, knowing what I know, I try to support female political candidates on both sides of the aisle. If you agree with me then you should seek ways to promote women in the work place. In addition, I believe our spiritual leaders should all be women. A move away from priests and toward priestesses would reflect the environmental necessity of seeing the earth as our mother.

If I were queen, I would politically disenfranchise all men. I’ve looked at how women vote and I would be happier with the outcome of their decisions without the input of men. In addition, I would implement a man tax because most of the mayhem and violence of the world comes from men. Men should take more responsibility for the crimes of other men. We should experiment with controlling troublesome men by chemically decreasing their testosterone.

I don’t hate men. I love a man. I admit he is unusual because he has been under my close supervision for many years but I believe that most men could stand a little close supervision. The world will be a better place when women take their natural position as leaders. Despite recent setbacks, I believe this is happening. There will be a tipping point and suddenly we will wake up with new female leadership. May the good Goddess hasten the day. If you are a submissive man, you should find a practical way to help hasten the coming matriarchy. You should spend a few minutes on it everyday. This is the practical outworking of your vision of female rule.

if you are a submissive man then you have likely had to deal with some shame. I've been told that this was also often true for the LGBT community. Often shame was a stage they had to fight through to accept themselves as wonderful. If you are a submissive man I want you to consider that you are on the forefront of the coming change. You are evolutionarily advanced beyond your other male peers. This is especially true if you have a strong service component to your psyche. This makes you a very valuable man for a woman like me. Feel proud of your desire to submit.

I don't get everything right but I understand the general march of history. The future is female.

Your job as a submissive male is to do more than look at kinky pictures and pull on your tiny boy parts. You have a duty to be of practical help to hasten the coming matriarchy.

Msreneelane

[messwriting]

THE SMUT PILE SECRET SANTA

Golden Eyes

Demon!Kuroo Tetsurou x Female Reader  

Rating: E for explicit | Don’t read this if under eighteen.

Note: HOE HOE HOE INDEED! HAHAHAHA 

This is my secret santa gift for my dear elf Alisha -- @rivendell101​! I do hope you enjoy, I just tried to channel all of Kuroo’s wicked energy into this and sprinkled it with our beloved monsterfucking. Sorry for all the questions, I just wanted to surprise you but also include only things you’d like. ;-; Hope you enjoy and MERRY SMUTMAS <3

Big thanks and lots of kisses to my dear Tay @deathcab4daddy who read this, betaed, and said it wasn't the train wreck I thought it was 😂🥺😘💕

Warnings: This is loosely inspired by the manhwa DEAR DOOR, by Pluto, from which the art above is also from (Satan is fucking hot)! Monsterfucking - Demon. Use of tongue and tail in a very uh naughty way. Magic makes you horny at some point (tho i don’t think is dub-con?), but just to be sure Magic Manipulation. Assplay with tongue and finger penetration. Denials, oh so many denials. Sprinkle of spanking. Soft pain play. Overstim. Oral sex. Rough sex. CHOKING. BITING. MARKING. Demon uhhhh lure? aijaisajisj He’s seducing you with his devilish powers. CORRUPTION. RELIGIOUS BLASPHEMY (sorry jesus).

Word count: ~7.4k. I can’t write anything short, why?!

“So… you’re a demon?” You ask, weirdly not completely panicking over the fact that this brick wall of a man showed up out of nowhere in the middle of your living room as if this were just another Sunday night. The stranger smiles your way with a lopsided grin and the shivers that run through your body seem to support his affirmation.

“Did the horns give it away?” The dark-haired demon asks, with a smile that could make him the single male model of some sin’s propaganda. Your eyes flick to his tail, long and thick, moving calmly in waves behind him, and come up to the unbelievably wide black wings sprouting from his back and threatening to blow a hole in your ceiling. 

“Sure,” You say while your eyes come back to his face, taking a second look at the long, twisted black horns sprouting from his high forehead and mixing with his thick raven hair. “Let’s say it’s the horns.”

He snickers but his golden stare is very much sharp on you. Even before it pinned you in place you had found that your legs had begrudgingly refused to move in front of the massive presence in your living room. 

“You’re an interesting little thing, aren’t you?” He muses out loud, his arms crossing in front of his body while one hand cradles his own face while he looks down at you. The gold irises glint in the dark like a beacon, the small crystal-like black pupil like that of a wild animal. “Normally people would have been screaming by now. Or passing out. Maybe running.” He doesn’t move from where he stands, but his sentient tail floats over to you, lightly caressing the side of your face as a child stroking their pet; it moves under your chin, over your jaw and cheekbone, pats your hair back, and comes to circle your throat. 

It doesn’t squeeze -- but the threat is pretty much clear.

“I don’t think my legs can move.” You tell him in a breathless voice, panic eating away at the corners of your sanity the more you stare at the insanity in front of you. A monstrosity of man with a tail and wings to crown it swaying in your living room as if it’s all okay, as if this is real life. You shudder in place, a whole-body wave of dread that moves along your body and makes you tremble as all the hair on your being stands in place. He grins down at you, wicked and pretty, a cheshire air of mischief in the way his golden irises glint in the dark background of his eyes and mingle with the dim lit room to go with the roll of white pearls of sharp-looking teeth in his mouth.

“Am I dreaming?” Your thoughts escape from your lips in a breath as his tail grounds you to reality, burning hot and heavy around your neck. It contrasts awkwardly with the image in front of you, which your brain keeps trying to deny as true, but the weight of his tail pulls you from the edge of disbelief and pins you in place, your limbs turning cold as you feel unable to move. “Or am I going insane, somehow?”

“Do you think your brain is failing you, little one?”

“Well, seems like the logical reason why there’s a winged man in my living room. With horns and-- a tail.” Your voice stops and you gulp right before your eyes snap once again to his devilish black and golden eyes. “Wait. Are you a demon? Is… a demon in my living room?” The more you speak the least sense it makes. The thing in front of you seems to be very amused by the twinges of panic and disbelief coloring your voice and expression. “Why?”

He smirks and his wings do a fluttering thing before they curve inside his back, two massive black things even when they’re closed. “Must be your lucky day.”

You snort even through your scared haze. “Not exactly what one thinks when considering demons.”

“Ah, bad rep.” Kuroo says and he floats as if he’s sitting on a chair, his legs crossing as he supports an elbow on his thigh and his face on his hand. It’s both parts unnerving and enthralling, and you’re struck with the fact of how big he is once again. “God’s marketing team is hella good. We get the rep for everything going on now-- the crops died? Oh, the devil. Psycho kid? Demoniac. Fucked up government? Send from hell. Sex? Devilish.” He sighs, his pretty lips jutting in a pout as his beautiful face falls into a tired mask. “It’s tiresome to be the poster-boys to all things wicked.”

“Well, seems like you do the part just fine.” You hide yourself through some small sarcasm, as you grumble the remark.

“Hah.” His sharp teeth flash in the dark at the barked laugh, a gasped sound as if he truly found your remark funny. “We get used to it,” He nods your way and then shrugs, a never-leaving smirk on his lips. “And I like the style.”

“Sure,” you say, despite the clear unconvinced tone of your voice as your eyebrows shut up slowly, eating the distance from your hairline until you blink and tiptoe around your next words, “not to be rude, Mr. Demon--”

“Call me Kuroo.” He cuts you off charmingly, as one would in flirting; a playful arch in his brows as his smile spreads just that bit more over his face. You just now realize the appeasing traces of it, the sharp angle of his jaw, the high of his square cheekbones, and the elegant line of his nose; then your eyes fly over the protruding circles of his horns, and your eyes go round almost involuntarily. 

“Okay…” It breaches your lips along with a puff of breath. You blink a few times before continuing, still doubting your own eyes as they thread over the massive monster in front of you. You wonder if he’d look better if he’s bent to your height, but then again that wouldn’t do much about those broad shoulders, engulfing your wall where he stands. “Not to be rude, Mr. Kuroo, but…” you steady yourself with a deep breath before continuing, your hand flying to press against your eyes before you can reopen then and see the exact same thing from before -- a demon in your house. “What the fuck you’re doing here, exactly?” 

He smiles, pleased with your cussing, apparently. Then his eyes turn focused, predatory,  and they’re locked on you.

“I’ve come to offer a deal, little one.”

“A deal?” You parrot, lost in the pull of those golden eyes.

“Yes,” Kuroo smirks, lips splitting unnaturally over sharp canines. He keeps floating in his position, face supported on a big, clawed, hand. “And a quite good one, too.” 

“You… You’re at my home, to offer me a deal, right after the small rant on Devil’s bad marketing.” You list the things, doubt thick in your voice.

Kuroo smiles, but it looks wrong. “Yes, dear.” 

“Okay,” You risk, though it comes out as a question. Kuroo seems pleased, though. “Go ahead, I guess?”

“I need something from you.”

“Oh shit, is this the soul thing?” Your eyes widened again, hands coming to stand protectively in front of you even as you doubt you could do much to fend him off if he wanted to do you harm. “I’ve seen Supernatural, I’m not selling my fucking soul okay?!”

“Chill, kitten, I don’t really mind your soul.” He’s rather nonchalant, golden eyes completing a circle along his eyeballs before they fall once again on you while Kuroo comes out from his floating position to pace calmly over to you. Then, his sharp teeth split his face wickedly in two, an alluring characteristic in the way his lips form an overconfident grin as he bends over you in your place on the couch. “It’s your body I’m interested in.”

“My… body?” 

“Have you ever heard of hell portals?” His face engulfs your line of vision as his tail angles your head back to look up at him, a clawed finger gliding over your jawline at that.

“No? Should I? Who do you think I am to know about hell doors?” It happens again, your thoughts slipping through your lips at the same rate as you think them, the sarcastic tone of your mind also dripping out much as if that had been your intention all along. 

He seems rather happy at that, too.You wonder if he’s prying the truth from you somehow. “Well, you’re one.”

“What?” You ask, stupidly, as his face gets further from you and he straightens back into his full height.

“A door, to hell.” Kuroo finishes, cheerfully. It looks, once again, wrong on his face, as if it's more of a threat than a joke. 

 The seconds pass by as falling rocks over metal, loud and rattling, a restless moment in which you keep staring at the monster --demon-- face and even as his horns stay in place and his curved wings twitch, it stills feels wholly detached from reality; an insane, out of this plane moment in which you doubt your whole being - your eyes and your ears and your brain and your skin, where the weight and warmth of his tail still surrounds your neck.

“Now I know I’m losing my mind.” You murmur to yourself as you can’t make peace between reality and, well, this reality. 

“Ah, you humans are such disbelievers. I’m here in front of you, saying you’re a portal, and you still doubt your own eyes as if they’re the origin of your offense.” Kuroo mocks you, crossing his arms in front of his body and for a second your eyes linger on the blackness of his clawed hands, the weird way they’re shaped as if something is enveloping them, elongating claws on the point of his fingers with the color of a moonless night. Still, the acidic tone in his voice makes you perk up with infuriating annoyance, and it seeps from you at the same rate as it fills you. 

“Well, sorry if it’s hard for me to believe I’m a fucking hell portal.” You sass him, fiery eyes closing on gold. It’s even more annoying that he smiles through your taunt. “Ten minutes ago I didn’t even believed in hell.”

“You can keep doubting if you want. Aren’t you doing so even when you see me here? All I need is passage and then you’ll be free to doubt once again,” his eyes glow brighter as he closes in on yours in a way that has you swaying in place, a vexatious air around him that’s unmistakable; but then again he is a demon, so maybe that’s just the norm. “That is… if you want.”

A shiver runs down your spine at the promise in his voice, and your own trembles when you ask, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That this can be a one-time thing -- or not.” 

You blink, a bit lost. 

“What’s this, exactly?” Your brain pulses in pain at the quantity of information it has to make sense and still try to understand. It’s too much and soon you’re pressing your hands on your face in frustration, “Dude, you’re not making sense.”

“It’s easy.” Kuroo says and suddenly you’re yanked up by thin air, floating in front of his fingers at his will as he twirls your body in the air as if you’re some sick kind of roulette. “Inside you, there’s a portal. I’ll activate it, and go to hell. In exchange, I’ll give you something.” As he speaks, clawed hands slowly and maliciously thread over the valley of your breasts and then down your middle, his golden eyes like a lighthouse to your wandering attention. “Something I know you desire, but you may not even know so. May not even accept yourself.” As his fingers approach the appex of your sex, you’re rounded in the air abruptly and set right on your feet in front of him, safe and sound and dizzy, feeling like prey to those eyes. “It may be this single time, or, if you accept my deal, it can be more.”

You breathe some big gulps of air before speaking in a wavering voice, “Something I wish? And you won’t tell me what that would be?”

“Essentially, you know. You just may be in… denial.” His eyes flash that golden glint once again, twirling molten pools of liquid sun on his face. Their constant, slow motion never-ending circles seeping inside your consciousness, making your mind blank, slowly flowing into a haze in which you feel lost but safe; warmth flowing from it over you as if you’re being dipped in melted honey, weighted down but comfortable, as moving against warm waves in a tropic beach. 

It tips from your mouth as you’re swimming in the molten pools of gold, pulled out from your body as the warm breath from your lungs, heated and pliant. “Okay.”

The spell crashes as his grin spreads through his face, the self-satisfied smirk of a cat who got its prey. Just as you’re burning in embarrassment and ready to cancel whatever that was you just said yes to, a sudden wave of warmth spreads from your face to your feet, your hair undulating at the force it hits you, and travelling so quickly you can feel the way your toes curve while a buzz crosses them, a pleasant but foreign thrill settling in your bones. You send him a nasty glare. 

“The fuck have you done to me?”

“Me? Nothing, kitten.” Kuroo tells you but everything from his expression, to his stance and the fucking satisfied smirk he sports tell you it’s a lie. Your glare turns worse. His lips are curved up in a telling manner but he concedes with a tilt of his head.  “I just lowered your inhibitions, relax.”

“Why would you do that?” The questions zap from your mouth just as you think it, and in a fleeting thought you wonder if that isn’t exactly what he meant. 

“I told you, I’m going to give you what you want.” Kuroo says as he stops in front of you, a sexy, powerful sway in the way he moves and towers over you that you can’t help but appreciate. “But I need you to accept your darker wishes,” It’s a murmur, raspy in his deep voice, and you breathe the words in as the indecent, luscious feeling swell inside your being and seems to find it’s home in your chest-- and drip from your sex. “And then embrace me.”

“I don’t want you.” You tell him, but it comes breathless, weak, and as Kuroo’s golden eyes pierce yours, you can feel as he pinpoints your lie. 

“Then let’s change that, shall we?” 

He wastes no time in maneuvering you into his arms, pulling you through thin air until his feral hands close around your middle and neck. Kuroo tilts your head back while grazing a single clawed finger over your pulse-point and up to your jawline, and then his breathing comes loud and misty against your bared skin. 

“Wait--” You plead as your breath comes in long puffs and when you wet your lips before continuing, a freakishly long, wet and hot tongue comes to lick a big stripe of your skin and you yelp loudly, “-- the fuck!” 

Kuroo, on the other hand, literally hums approvingly and brings his nose to glide over your skin, soft breathing as his hands pull you closer into his massive chest. You realize now, at the proximity,  just how big and broad he is, somehow between terrifying and uncanningly acceptable. 

His body runs hot, the temperature difference between yours quite clear when your skin feels so heated by his touch, clothes you found nice now feeling constricting the more of you that touches him. 

The planes of his chest are hard and toned, lean muscle and strength as he moves you up without effort, your feet dangling way above the ground and still no hint of struggle as he supports your weight. As you get closer, those yellow irises centered in black globes seem to pry inside your mind, big and all encompassing; it makes something coil in your chest, much like panic but tame as agitation.

“Wait--” You breathe out and look down, shocked at the distance you found yourself from the ground. Something crawls from your chest as a distressed groan, “I--” 

Kuroo tilts your head back and -- not without sending you a smirk -- delves down to close your lips together.

Whatever you were expecting, it wasn’t this -- you’re swept away by the kiss, amazed at how well your mouths work together, how perfectly plush and soft his thin lips feel on yours, how pleasing the motions of his tongue are against yours, how tasteful his movements are, and before long, you’re breaking the kiss but because you need to breathe, to pull some air inside yourself to battle the haze settling in your mind.  

It does nothing to aid you though.

Your body feels achingly flushed, avid, weirdly pliant and it is with mild surprise that you feel yourself drooling inside your panties. Something tells you to be indignant, to kick him, to bite and claw, but instead you’re sighing the weakest of noises, spiralling back to his expert lips, falling deeper inside the slow seduction that this demon offers.

Kuroo moves you calmly, his big, searing hot hands threading across your body and working goosebumps in it’s trail even as all he does is touch you over your clothes. Your hands, previously abandoned by the side of your body start to move up his body, spreading your small palms over his chest, and instead of pushing him off, you’re pulling him closer, opening your mouth wider, your legs hiking over his side as if you’re begging for the moment he’ll pick you up.

“Hmm, what a nice little thing you are.” Kuroo murmurs over your lips, taking in the wrecked expression you sport with just a kiss. “So honest, too.” His claws glide over your thigh, hiked on his side. It doesn’t hurt, but the feeling of something sharp sliding against your skin makes your heart rate pick up and your panties grow wetter.

“You’ll like this too, kitten, don’t worry.” His syrupy voice enchants you as he hooks a razor-sharp claw on the side of your shorts, threads up slowly and precise until the ripping sound breaks through your haze. When you look down, your hooded eyes turn wide, taking in the fact he just ripped your shorts and how easily they slide to the ground once they’re free from your hiked leg. The panties stay, but they’re not exactly much. 

“Hey!” You turn to look up at him, puffed cheeks in indignation, and one of his hands yanks your head back, angling your body in a arch as his other hand glides over your thigh to your lower belly, sharp thumb swiftly climbing up your body and with such, ripping your comfy t-shirt. The feeling of something scratching along your middle and the valley of your breasts make your breathing catch up on your lungs, too afraid it will press enough to hurt if you move. You never knew a menace could be this seductive.

Still, the anticipation coils inside you, pours from between your legs as your skin feels too small to hold all the feelings cursing to you, your breasts heavy and your lips falling open in a breath that Kuroo drinks from your lips, attentive and dedicated as his tongue comes out and slides over your lips.

His eyes glint in the dark, sharp and focused. 

“You know what? I think I’ll like you.”

 The air feels cold on your heated skin, especially when he holds you so close. Small trembles pass through your frame as you melt inside his kiss, falling deeper inside the pleasure he offers you and Kuroo barely started. Your nipples perk up without attention and when his rough palm rolls over them, their new-found sensitivity makes it impossible for you to not let out a sound. It’s something meek and surprised, but Kuroo seems proud of it and decided to pull more out of you. 

Magically, you’re yanked up, floating until your middle is at the height of his neck. 

“Hey! What are you doing?” Your head is millimeters from hitting the ceiling, your hands touching it as a way to protect yourself, you throw a nasty glare down at his face just for him to make a half-circle in the air and your upper body be launched behind. 

“No!” You’re laying on thin air -- your heart beating so fast your blood pulses in your head as you look over your shoulder and notices just how impossible is the situation going on, where you’re levitating a few meters from the ground. 

If he stops now, would you go down crashing? Would you die from such a fall? Questions swirl in your mind enough for you to forget whats going on - the way a sharp claw swiftly cuts the side of your panties - until something wet, firm and long prods on your dripping folds.

“What--” Your first action is to hitch your neck up so you can confirm that it is what you think it is, and, granted, Kuroo is slowly prying you open, his huge tongue threading on your most sensitive parts. As he laps a long stripe down your pussy, he looks up at you in flashing gold, seeming extremely pleased. 

Kuroo winks at you, depraved.

Your blood is rushing through your veins at such a haste that you feel dizzy, and your whole body is fervent as something very loud breaks through your lips as Kuroo’s tongue moves and presses on your slit, circles your clit, and moves in serpentine movements along your puffy cunt. 

You didn’t realize before how the texture of his tongue was a bit rugged but now you’re suffering the full extent of its benefits as he eats you out sloppily, enough that you’re dripping down on the carpet as his monstrously long and dexterous tongue plays with your cunt as if that’s his sole mission on earth. Kuroo hums against your clit, makes your whole body tremble with it, and at some point, he manages to press his tongue flat against your clit and still reach enough that it dips softly inside your entrance, slowly and deliciously prying the inner ring of your sex open, then broader.

You can’t help the noises falling from your lips and when one of his rough, clawed hands close around your breast, the pressure inside you peaks and you’re panicking at how close you are to your first orgasm, from his tongue alone, at an impossible long and sentient… demon tongue. 

But he retreats just as your mouth falls open, your throat constricted by the scream that instead becomes an indignated gasp. “Fuck--! I was--”

“Hmmm, I know.” Kuroo answers you, his hands coming to hold your thighs open as you tremble from the effort. His thumb pulls your cunt lips apart and his golden eyes glint, fierce and pleased at the same time. “Aren’t you an interesting plaything? Skyrocketing into pleasure head first when I was just getting a taste.” He licks his lips, his canines making an appearance as his ridiculous long tongue cleans his face and chin where your juices have leaked to. 

His grin should be illegal. “Delicious, by the way. But I’m not ready to end this so fast.”

“End this… fast?” You ask, still having difficulty in thinking straight when you’re floating up in the air with your legs spread open in front of his face, his thumbs spreading you open as if you’re his meal and he likes to play before eating.

“Maybe we should go somewhere more comfortable.” Kuroo muses out loud and before you can blink you’re falling, screaming in your surprise until you bounce on the comfortable cushion of your bed. The air is knocked out of you in a oof, but Kuroo just looks down at you happily, his smile still looking mischievous as if that’s his whole personality trait.

You know what, maybe it is.

“Warn a girl.” You tell him, and he winks your way, just as he pulls your naked body to the edge of the bed.

“Consider yourself warned: i’m about to eat you up.”

His massive hands engulf you and arch your body into his eager mouth, where his tongue lavish at your sex in a way that has you feeling as if they everywhere and at the same time. The muscle is thick and long, firm as it presses from your entrance to your clit, as it rounds your sensitive spot and slithers down through your pussy lips, slurping it with his lips as his wicked tongue never stops its prodding.

One of his hands circles your body, closes around your breast and tweeks your hard nipple between his thumb and forefinger, painfully, deliciously, something obscene curling inside you at the way the feelings mix, the pain and the bliss and it doesn’t help that Kuroo moves his mouth to the sensitive and fragile skin of your inner thighs and build a whole trail of bite marks and throbbing hickeys. 

Something firm, large and hot slither up your body, circling a breast but finding it’s home at a circle around your neck -- his tail -- and the more vocal you become, the more it seems to close around your throat, your heart beating on your fingertips as they claw at anything of Kuroo’s you can reach, hazy and breathless at the way he discloses your wicked desires so plainly, the way his every move seems to discover layer after thick layer of temptations that you have hidden so deep with partners before.

“Such a pretty little thing you are,” Kuroo coos to you when he presses a thick finger past the tight ring of your cunt. “So honest and eager,” It moves, prods, another one joins and soon they’re scissoring against your walls, opening your tender flesh so he can sink himself in further. 

The mere thought has you moaning out loud -- unbelievable and yet, you feel how your arousal drips from your cunt to your thighs.

 “Ahhhh~” Kuroo exhales as his tongue laps a long stripe of your juices. “So pure.” He says against your pussy lips, kissing them and then letting his long tongue slide further until it prods between the cheeks of your ass, immediately falling into circular motions on the furl of muscle. You yelp but midway it becomes an embarrassing moan. “This just makes me wanna ruin you more.”

It’s too much -- he has to know it’s too much, and as Kuroo curves his fingers just right inside your sloppy cunt and his tongue breaches just the tiniest bit the resistance of your ass, your eyes are falling open in huge plates, a long moan of his name on your tongue as you’re so close to cumming you can practically taste the high already.

“No, not now.” Kuroo chastises you as he retreats his tongue and fingers from you, the arch of your body ready to snap curling in a tremble of a denied release.

“Too soon, kitten. I want to savor this.” His tone comes out between pleased and patronizing, and it makes your cunt clench, empty. 

You heave, unfocused eyes blinking the wicked golden away. “What--” A deep breath. “What do you want from me?”

“Wrong question, kitten.” Kuroo tells you just as his massive frame bends over you, the wicked eyes seducing you in once again -- not that they ever stopped. “Now that I got a taste,” He murmurs practically against your lips, and you lick where his breath hits, captivated, “I want all of you.”

 He lets you fall on the bed once again and maneuvers your body without difficulty until your ass is high in the air and your thighs are spread, his tail lighter around your throat, fondly slithering on your jaw. His knee presses on the mattress until it squeaks and his hands massage from your thighs to your ass, prying it open and kneading it with hard, powerful hands.

“Beautiful.” He praises you and you swear your pussy throbs and flutters hard enough to make a gushing noise. By the way Kuroo snickers, it may be true. 

His tongue is the first thing you feel right after his laboured breathing on your cunt. It pries you open, thick muscle sliding inside you, big and wet and dexterous and you’re moaning against the mattress in seconds. 

Kuroo seems pleased even though all he does is hum, his large hands press on your back and the other opens your cheeks wide for his assault. Something hot prods your asshole, and you’re surprised at how careful his fingers can be while maneuvering the wetness left by his tongue there. They move slowly but surely as he presses and retreats, opening you from two fronts and still seemingly not enough.

He decides to change, his tongue coming out of your sex and then sliding to your ass as his thumbs open your lips for him to watch as he dips two big fingers inside your cunt. The stretch, the massive pleasure of being assaulted by both ends make you clench and cream around his digits, once again climbing up the familiar euphoric road. 

This time, however, Kuroo stops you differently.

His hard, heavy hand falls on your ass cheeks forcefully in what must be his intention of being light. You yelp loudly and groan, somehow caught between winding down and flying right over the edge. 

“Oh, hoho~” Sounds from his voice and he descends his hand once again on your ass, heavy and startling. It sounds so loud and so lewd in the empty room, your whole being burns in place, trembling from the effort of holding yourself in all fours and the pure elation growing inside you, spreading from your fingertips to the depraved center of your being. 

As the sting settles in your senses, it winds down your orgasm but makes a renewed wave drip from your cunt and down your thigh. You’re surprised at how it excites you, the pain, but fuck it still stings. His hand falls on your ass a couple more times but then his hot palms knead the stinging flesh, an exquisite feeling spreading over you as it throbs and burns and you melt.

“Ugh! Fuck!” You groan, biting the mattress, unable to tell him to stop and too embarrassed to tell him to keep going.

“You really are a nice plaything, aren’t you?” Kuroo asks but it seems as if it's more for himself, his digits collecting your wetness as he dips once again inside your cunt, spreading his fingers apart and sliding a third inside just as his thumb circles your clit lightly and you howl, sensitive and wanton, too eager into tasting bliss.

This time, at least you’re half-conscious he’s not letting you cum. Kuroo stops, leaving you clenching for something, anything and gives you nothing. His immoral smirk seems to sound in the air, much as the way his tail leaves your throat to circle your hair and yank you back, stuffing your open mouth with the fingers that were just inside you. You lap obediently at them and he groans in your ear, teeth nibbling at your skin. It’s almost as if he’s tempted.

“We’re almost ready, kitten.” He tells you with a hoarse voice, all sin and flames, “Hold on.”

“Ready?” You question poorly with a mouth stuffed of fingers, but he understands and nods your way, his tongue licking the spit that starts dripping from the corner of your mouth at how broad his fingers open it. 

You don’t see if Kuroo undress or if he just magically gets naked behind you, the startling thing being the incredible feeling of his hot skin on yours, the dazzling feeling of his hard planes of muscle on your back, the sublime sight of his skin marked by faint scars; When you feel the scalding, throbbing thick member at the side of your thigh, however, you have to look back. 

“Oh my God,” You murmur at the sight of his cock. It’s proportional to his form, but that just means it’s ridiculously big, a veiny, swollen thing that seems looming as it stands close to you, and it clicks in your slow mind just what he meant by almost ready.

“Nope, I’m on the other team here.” Kuroo grins at you as he turns you with your back on the bed, spreads you on the cushion until your thighs hurt from the effort. His tail sways behind him as if to paint a scene, and you realize his wings are nowhere to be seen now, “Though I do think it’s some kind of poetic justice to have you screaming and blaspheming jesus while I fuck you silly.”

The higher part of your cheekbones alights with flames at the implication and you gasp back the words you planned on speaking when Kuroo’s hand pivots your lower back up to his mouth and closes his efforts on your neglected clit as his freak thick tongue enters you in one go.

You cannot explain the sensation of such a soft muscle invading your walls, or the way in which it seems to focus so expertly on your weak spots, but you’re too wound up not to fall head first into rapture. 

When he stops this time, you actually curse him, in the most wrecked sound that has ever left your lips.

“Ughhhhhhh--Fuck you!”

The bastard laughs, debauched, then deposits a kiss over your pussy as his golden eyes fix on you. “Now you’re ready.”

Kuroo adjusts until you’re both at the bed, pulling you up on his powerful thighs until his cock bounces over your navel and reaches way too high for you to actually be calm. But then he retreats his hips, bent over you so his lips can steal the air from your lungs just as his large hand palms at your breasts and his tail slither by your side. 

“Try not to cum too fast, kitten.”

“Easier said than done,” you grumble back against his lips and let yourself fall into the ruthless ecstasy of being spread open on his cock. His lips thread on the side of your jaw, under your neck, biting and sucking on your skin as his hands divide themselves between holding you up and pawing at every bit of you they can reach.

Everything feels so good, as if he knows your inner thoughts by hint alone -- your toes curl at each newfound area that receives his onslaught, you’re contorting at how good his mouth feels on your pulsepoint as he slowly starts to sink his cock inside you. It’s a weird feeling, to feel so full and yet still so eager, but you’re welcoming him at each torturous inch he manages to squeeze inside your tight walls. Your body trembles from the effort, Kuroo’s tongue slides from your neck to your nipple as his hand climbs up and settles around your throat, his fingers enveloping your neck.

Your heart picks up enough that you feel it beating on your ears as you search for his eyes and finally you’re pinned in place under the sharp gold and their twisted intent. 

“Scream for god if you want me to stop.” Is the warning he gives you before his fingers start constricting around your neck, your airways blocked as your chest starts to heave. And in between the small twinge of anxiousness and alarm, you realize just how much that entices you, how much it makes you burn and crave. Somehow you feel corrupted, falling into desires that threaten to peel you apart and leave you exposed.

Kuroo’s cock keeps slowly stretching your insides and his tongue twirls your nipple, your lungs burning for air and your eyes rolling inside your skull as you skyrocket into blissful free-fall. 

“Oh, hell yes.” You listen but don’t register as your body seems to be crushed under the massive pressure of your climax, burning and bright, sound ringing in your head that you come to find out it’s from your hoarse moan, your breathing laboured as Kuroo allows you to suck in air during your peak.

It dawns on you as you’re coming back to your body that theres a twinge of soft pain indicating Kuroo has bottomed out, his muscular thighs pressing flush against yours, the feeling incredible but fuck so much right now. 

As Kuroo nestles himself entirely inside of you, you feel as if your focus shifts, the task to not concentrate all of your attention on the massive hot cock spliting you in two is difficult. Your body feels tight, and not just from your fluttering walls that are constricting around him.

Kuroo sends you a big smile above your head, twinkling eyes in the dark. “Now, hold on.”

You do your best to do so, your arms latching onto him with all the strength you can muster as his hips retreat and then slam back inside you. You’re jolted at each push and pull, the sensual motions so depraved as the noises echo in the room, and you’re dragged into the ferocious pleasure that threatens to overwhelm you, and despite the fact you’ve cum just few moments before, as his tail slides between your bodies and circles and pats at your clit, you’re screaming and, quite unbelievably, cumming again.

“Now we’re very ready.” Kuroo says in a grunt above you, shameless grin as his eyes do their golden thing once again. He lets you stop trembling, peppering small kisses along your collarbone until you’re breathing normally again, but something tells you you’re just being fooled. 

“What?” You tiredly question, the feeling of dread confirming your suspicion.

“We have the whole night ahead of us, little one.” Kuroo nudges at the side of your face, bites softly at the junction of your jaw. “Or we could have more. All you need to do is say yes and i’ll mark you nice and easy here--” His teeth softly nibble on your pulsepoint, “and you’ll be mine.”

“Oh, god.” 

“Haha, wrong again.” His eyes pierce yours, swirling gold as molten honey dripping over your body and weighting your mind down. “Go ahead, tell me what you want.”

It tips out, softly and raw, and you have to close your eyes to hide your emotion. “To belong.”

“Oh, my little thing.” Kuroo softly murmurs on your ear, “Belong to me, then.”

You’re swaying despite lying down, something big and heavy coiling inside your chest as you blink, “I don’t want to belong to someone who isn’t mine.”

It’s a big truth to leave out -- the need for companionship, but a mutual one, a lasting one, a trusting one. You don’t want to be alone, but you also don’t want to have someone who doesn’t belong to you, too. 

Kuroo just smiles, golden eyes on yours, melting you from the fierceness alone. “Exactly,” he speaks against your lips, the taste of his breath on your tongue and you eagerly gulp it down, wickedly licking at his lips. “But i’ll be yours, too.”

In your hazed state, that’s all you need to hear, so you just shyly nod -- and Kuroo growls, angles your head to the side, and sears a marking bite on your neck -- deep, and painful. You mewl, body arching into his touch, and his tongue laps at the fresh wound, making it nice and numb.

“Now, let’s go to the main course.” Kuroo gives you no rest, retreating his hips and slamming back inside. “Don’t forget to breathe!” He teases between your moans. 

Once the fucking starts, it’s a frantic mess, and it goes on forever until the mere feeling of Kuroo’s cock leaving your heat is enough to make you whimper at the loss. The feeling of him inside your walls, a thing that mingles with your being, seares your memory until you cannot remember the feeling of not being split open on his thick cock. As you melt away from the overstimulation of having no rest while Kuroo contently and incessantly keeps pistoning inside you, your painful pleasure mixes until you’re climbing into something that feels weirdly uncanny, your mind -- or is it your body? -- twirls inside itself as if there’s something more than just sweet release ready to burst out. 

Kuroo has made you both teeter on the edge of pleasure and fall into it so many times you can’t differentiate the feelings that come now, this sensation of something being pulled out of you like the many orgasms he caused.

“Hmmm… Yes, my time is coming.” Kuroo groans, his hips movements turning sloppy, apparently displeased with his fucking being cut short while you very much suck a thankful breath at being able to rest. Kuroo’s teeth descend on your neck once again, his hot tongue over the pulsating mark of his bite and you feel him shudder and groan your name as he finally - finally - peaks, the feeling of hot spurts spreading inside you. 

As he cums, Kuroo brings a finger to rub over your abused clit softly and between your oversensitivity and the fact he angles his fat cockhead to softly pound over your sweet spot as he sails his own climax, there’s very little you can do but be ripped apart in bliss, once again, by him. This time is weird. Even as pleasure keeps swirling inside you and building up with the eerie sensation, you can do very little but hold on and wait until the waves crash and pass and you can blissfully surrender into the darkness of exhaustion. 

However, the freakish sensation twirling inside yourself builds and builds until you’re light-headed from the feeling and you just then realize how you’re shining, and how Kuroo has disappeared.

You don’t even have it in yourself to panic. Your body feels heavy and used, spent in the best way possible, but still completely unused to such a frantic session as every muscle in your being throbs, and your eyelids weigh the world as they fall closed and you’re engulfed by darkness.

-

[bonus scene]

 When you wake up in the morning, you are engulfed in a nice blanket, dressed in some mismatched set of pajamas, feeling as if you just had the best sleep of your life - and a weird vivid dream to go with it. You’re blinking up to your ceiling, stretching on your bed and satisfied with how the knots break in small noises as you sit up, when you feel just how sore you are, how your body is heavy despite satisfied, how your thighs burn and your sex throbs. 

Everything crashes up on your mind way too fast, and you’re suddenly torn between passing out and bolting up, but as you try to get up your body falters and a big, hard, hot hand plants itself over your middle and pulls you right back at the bed. 

Of course, you scream.

“Shh, kitten, there’s people trying to sleep here, y’know?”

“What--How--What are you doing here?” You shriek, looking at what is definitely the demon you thought you dreamed, but in a way more humanized version if the absence of his horns, claws and massive wings are anything to go by. The golden eyes are sharp as ever, but no black background to them, and you can infer by that much that his sinful tail probably isn't around too.

The grin he sends your way gives you war flashbacks that make your skin prickle with goosebumps. 

“Well, yesterday was quite nice.” He tells you and you can feel your whole face burn from his tone alone. “So I decided that hell can wait a bit more while I have more fun with you.” His eyes flash with a weird energy, and Kuroo brings his fingers to glide over his bite mark at your neck. The throbbing mark you had forgotten about until now. “After all, you’re mine now.”

“Oh, fuck.”

You’re doomed.

[tyrannuspitch]

Jumping off @kidrat​ ’s recent post on JKR, British transphobia, and transphobia against transmasculine people, after getting a bit carried away and too long to add as a comment:

A major, relatively undiscussed event in JKR’s descent into full terfery was this tweet:

[image id: a screenshot of a tweet from JK Rowling reading: “’People who menstruate.’ I’m sure there used to be a word for those people. Someone help me out. Wumben? Wimpund? Woomud?”

Rowling attaches a link to an article titled: “Opinion: Creating a more equal post-COVID-19 world for people who menstruate” /end id]

This can seem like a pretty mundane TERF talking point, just quibbling over language for the sake of it, but I think it’s worth discussing, especially in combination with the idea that cis women like JKR see transmasculine transition as a threat to their womanhood. (Recite it with horror: ”If I were young now, I might’ve transitioned...”)

A lot of people, pro- or anti-transphobe, will make this discussion about whether the term “woman” should include trans women or not, and how cis women are hostile to the inclusion of trans women. And that’s absolutely true. But the actual language cis women target is very frequently being changed for the benefit of trans men, not trans women, and most of them know this.

Cis people are used to having their identities constantly reaffirmed and grounded in their bodies. A lot of cis women, specifically, understand their social and physical identities as women as being defined by pain: misogynistic oppression is equated to the pains of menstruation or childbirth, and both are seen as the domain of cis women. They’re something cis women can bond over and build a “sisterhood” around, and the more socially aware among them can recognise that cis women’s pain being taken less seriously by medicine is not unrelated to their oppression. However, in the absence of any trans perspectives, these conversations can also easily become very territorial and very bioessentialist.

Therefore... for many cis women, seeing “female bodies” described in gender neutral language feels like stripping their pain of its meaning, and they can become very defensive and angry.

And the consequences for transmasculine people can be extremely dangerous.

Not only do transmasculine people have an equal right to cis women to define our bodies as our own... Using inclusive language in healthcare is about more than just emotional validation.

The status quo in healthcare is already non-inclusive. When seeking medical help, trans people can expect to be misgendered and to have to explain how our bodies work to the doctors. We risk harassment, pressure to detransition, pressure to sterilise ourselves, or just being outright turned away. And the conversation around pregnancy and abortion in particular is heaving with cisnormativity - both feminist and anti-feminist cis women constantly talk about pregnancy as a quintessentially female experience which men could never understand.

Using gender-neutral language is the most basic step possible to try and make transmasculine people safer in healthcare, by removing the idea that these are “women’s spaces”, that men needing these services is impossible, and that safety depends on ideas like “we’re all women here”. Not institutionally subjecting us to misgendering and removing the excuse to outright deny us treatment is, again, one of the most basic steps that can be taken. It doesn’t mean we’re allowed comfort, dignity or full autonomy, just that one major threat is being addressed. The backlash against this from cis women is defending their poorly developed senses of self... at the cost of most basic dignity and safety for transmasculine people.

Ironically, though transphobic cis women feel like decoupling “women’s experiences” from womanhood is decoupling them from gendered oppression, transmasculine people experience even more marginalisation than cis women. Our rates of suicide and assault are even higher. Our health is even less researched than cis women’s. Our bodies are even more strictly controlled. Cis women wanting to define our bodies on their terms is a significant part of that. They hold the things we need hostage as “women’s rights”, “women’s health”, “women’s discussions” and “support for violence against women”, and demand we (re-)closet ourselves or lose all of their solidarity.

Fundamentally, the problem is that transphobic cis women are possessive over their experiences and anyone who shares them. Because of their binary understanding of gender, they’re uncomfortable with another group sharing many of their experiences but defining themselves differently. They’re uncomfortable with transmasculine people identifying “with the enemy” instead of “with their sisters”, and they’re even more uncomfortable with the idea that there are men in the world who they oppress, and not the other way around. “Oppression is for women; you can’t call yourself a man and still claim women’s experiences. Pregnancy is for women; if you want to be a man so badly why haven’t already you done something about having a woman’s body? How dare you abandon the sisterhood while inhabiting one of our bodies?”

Which brings me back to the TERF line about how “If I were young now, I might have transitioned.”

I’m not saying Rowling doesn’t actually feel any personal connection to that narrative - but it is a standard line, and it’s standard for a reason. Transphobic cis women really believe that there is nothing trans men go through that cis women don’t. They equate our dysphoria to internalised misogyny, eating disorders, sexual abuse or other things they see as “female trauma”. They equate our desire to transition to a desire to escape. They want to “help us accept ourselves” and “save us” from threats to their sense of identity. The fact is, this is all projection. They refuse to consider that we really have a different internal experience from them.

There’s also a marked tendency among less overtly transphobic cis women, even self-proclaimed trans allies, to make transphobia towards trans men about cis women.

Violence against trans men is chronically misreported and redefined as “violence against women”. In activist spaces, we’re frequently told that any trauma we have with misogyny is “misdirected” and therefore “not really about us”. If we were women, we would’ve been “experiencing misogyny”, but men can’t do that, so we should shut up and stop “talking over women”. (Despite the surface difference of whether they claim to affirm our gender, this is extremely similar to how TERFs tell us that everything we experience is “just misogyny”, but that transmasculine identity is a delusion that strips us of the ability to understand gender or the right to talk about it.)

I have personally witnessed an actual N*zi writing an article about how trans men are “destroying the white race” by transitioning and therefore becoming unfit to carry children, and because the N*zi had misgendered trans men in his article, every response I saw to it was about “men controlling women’s bodies”.

All a transphobe has to do is misgender us, and the conversation about our own oppression is once again about someone else.

Transphobes will misgender us as a form of violence, and cis feminist “allies” will perpetuate our misgendering for rhetorical convenience. Yes, there is room to analyse how trans men are treated by people who see us as women - but applying a simple “men oppressing women” dynamic that erases our maleness while refusing to even name transphobia or cissexism is not that. Trans men’s oppression is not identical to cis women’s, and forcing us to articulate it in ways that would include cis women in it means we cannot discuss the differences.

It may seem like I’ve strayed a long way from the original topic, and I kind of have, but the central reason for all of these things is the same:

Trans men challenge cis women’s self-concept. We force them to actually consider what manhood and womanhood are and to re-analyse their relationship to oppression, beyond a simple binary patriarchy. 

TERFs will tell you themselves that the acknowledgement of trans people, including trans men, is an “existential threat” that is “erasing womanhood” - not just our own, but cis women’s too. They hate the idea that biology doesn’t determine gender, and that gender does not have a strict binary relationship to oppression. They’re resentful of the idea that they could just “become men”, threatened by the assertion that doing so is not an escape, and completely indignant at the idea that their cis womanhood could give them any kind of power. They are, fundamentally, desperate not to have to face the questions we force them to consider, so they erase us, deflect from us, and talk over us at every opportunity.

Trans men are constantly redefined against our wills for the benefit of cis womanhood.

TL;DR:

Cis women find transmasculine identity threatening, because we share experiences that they see as foundational to their womanhood

The fact that transphobes target inclusive language in healthcare specifically is not a mistake - They do not want us to be able to transition safely

Cis women are uncomfortable acknowledging transphobia, so they make discussion of trans men’s oppression about “womanhood” instead

This can manifest as fully denying that trans men experience our own oppression, or as pretending trans men’s experiences are identical to cis women’s in every way

[kimbapmmbapbap]

More k-dramas y'all should watch

So, at the end of 2017, I created a post going through my favourite dramas of all time. Obviously, I have watched more dramas since then so I have a few more dramas that everyone needs to watch!!

Strong Woman Do Bong Soon

This is an obvious one, so if you haven't watched it, have you been living under a rock?? When I first heard of it just before it came out, I thought it was going to be a rip off of weightlifting fairy Kim bok joo. But boy, was I wrong!! This drama has the perfect amount of romance, comedy, thriller and crime, so it is a good all rounder drama!! The whole cast (not just the leads) had amazing chemistry. The only flaw with this drama is that it does queerbait a little. I wish they either didn't add it in the story or fully went with that the main lead is Bi.

The story surrounds a girl with superhuman strength who wants to be a video game designer. She has always hid her strength due to fear if hurting others and losing her power. She in a unrequited love with her childhood friend who is now a police officer. She then crosses the path of a CEO of a video game company and her starts to become more chaotic. With a serial killer on the loose, Do Bong Soon needs to decide if she will keep a low profile or use her powers for the better good while also falling in love on the way.

While You Were Sleeping

Again, an obvious one, but it has to be watched!! Like strong woman, I was a little apprehensive of this one. Mainly because I hadn't heard good things about Suzy's acting before this came out. But it really surprised me and I really loved it! I'm a sucker for anything crime related, so with a really cute love story as well, it was amazing!! It has really good chemistry and likable characters. The second male lead is also amazing!! I usually don't get second male lead syndrome, but damn I felt it even though I also really loved the main lead. I can't really find any faults with it.

The story surrounds two people who can see the future through dreaming. This includes good and bad things. When the female reporter about dying while on the job, she quite her job to try and changes her fate. A prosecuter move across the street from her, initially they do not get on and their bond starts to grow. Together, they use both of their skills and their power to help change the future and solve crimes along the way. They also soon realise that this is not the first time they have crossed paths.

Psychopath Diary

I cannot recommend this drama enough!! Honestly, it is so underrated!!! Yoon Shi Yoon's performance is incredible, he really embodies the role here. It is so funny, and sweet. You also see a serial killer low key but high key fall in love with the male lead, so there is major gay vibes. The only issue I have with it is, I wish there was a little romance involved. But it is a not a major want.

The story surrounds a pushover who is working at a stocks company. After a major issue arises, he becomes the Scapegoat of the company and is being blamed for it, even though he tried to prevent it. Due to this, he decides that he will end his life. On the way to do this, he witnesses a murder and accidentally picks up the serial killer's diary. While trying to escape, he gets hit by a car and gets amnesia. When he wakes up and reads the diary, he believes that he is the serial killer.

Honestly, please watch this drama, it is so so so funny, the chemistry of the whole cast is incredible. It also possibly has one of my favourite villians in any drama.

Your Honor / Dear Judge

Yes, I am a simp Yoon Shi Yoon. He is just so good and thus role just confirms it! His acting is incredible, king of the double roles! He plays twins and you really tell when either pop up on screen which one he is. This is a really wholesome drama that makes you cry. It has some really sweet moments in it, the leads have such good chemistry. This only issues with this one is that the ending felt rushed. I hate that the TV company changed it from 20 eps to 16 eps.

The story follows a set of twins. Twin A is a top judge in Korea, who is incredibly smart and is living a rich life. Twin B is a criminal who has been screwed over multiple times by the justice system and Twin A. Their mother always sides with A and will tell B not to bother him. When A goes missing, B goes undercover and takes his brothers place. He soon learns about the corrupt world of the court system and his brother. B meets a law student who is meant to be shadowing A. Like B, she has also been affected by the corrupt system and is wanting to be a judge to convict those who have wronged her. Together they fight the system while also falling in love.

Because This is Our First Life

This is a slice of life drama so will have some heavy moments in it. But on the whole, it is just so lovely and cute. The acting is incredible, they really take on the role. It also has one of the best female friendships which is not toxic, they all genuinely care for eachother and want eachother to achieve their dreams. It also has some true badass moments in it as well! I feel like all slice of life dramas have this, but it does have some frustrating moments where the characters are almost purposely making their life's difficult

The story focuses on a woman who is a drama script writer. Due to her patriarchal family who always favour her brother and being let down by her crush, she wants to move out. She ends up moving in with a friend of a friend of a friend. It is to her surprise that the person who she is moving in with is a man who is very much stuck in his own ways and likes to stick to routine. Due to their own desires to be on their own, they decide to get married to relieve the pressure that their families are giving them. This (of course) causes issues and both have to learn about their new feelings for eachother while trying to get through the struggles of life.

Thirty but Seventeen

This drama is the definition of wholesome and cute. I feel that while I was watching it, it went by so quickly and I always had a smile on my face. The romance is so cute and lovely and you could tell they really cared about eachother. The side characters were also amazing and sweet. Honestly, the acting is incredible. The female lead does an amazing job.

The story follows woman who as a child was involved in a bus accident and fell into a coma. She wakes up over ten years later and learns that her family have stopped coming to see her. While on the search for her family, she resides with a man and his brother who are now living in her old family home. The two soon learn that there are more connected than they thought. With the man trying to push her away, the more his feelings grow for her.

Introverted Boss

This is a revenge to love story. It on the whole is a really cute drama where you get to see the leads grow for the better. The acting is incredible and you really fall in love with the leads and the support cast (except for the second lead). It is not a perfect drama, but it is a really easy watch with an interesting story.

The female lead is a stage actress who quits her job to work at a marketing firm. This firm happens to be where her sister used to work. She is out to get revenge against the CEO of the company who she blames for her sister's death. She learns that the CEO is extremely introverted and becomes confused by how he was responsible for her sister's death. As the story goes by, she becomes more intrigued by him and focuses less on revenge and more on helping him open up.

Vincenzo

Ahhhhh, how do express my love for this one!! It is just amazing!! The story was so well thought out and the actors did a fantastic job. It was so satisfying to watch, I wanted to be a member of the mafia lol. The villians were also incredible, like I just love this drama so much. Like Your Honor, the only issue with this one is that the ending felt rushed.

The story surrounds a Korean man who was adopted into an Italian family and became the consiglerie of the mafia. After an issue with his adoptive family, he travels back to Korea in search an insane amount of gold bars which happens to be underneath an unsuspecting block of flats. He then gets involved with a major legal court case with a pharmaceutical company. As he delves deeper into the case, dark secrets start to get revealed.

[variousqueerthings]

Daniel LaRusso: A Queer Feminine Fairytale Analysis Part 1 of 3

Disclaimers and trigger warnings: 

1. These fairytales are European, although there’s often overlap in themes globally. I know European fairytales better, which is essentially the reason I’m not going to branch out too far. I opted to also stick to Western movies so as not to narrow things down, but also in particular “waves hand towards all of Ghibli” amongst many others. There’s a reason the guys in Ghibli are so gender.

2. TW for discussions of rape culture and rape fantasies

EDIT: FUCK I’M A GOBLIN CHILD! FORGOT TO PUT A MASSIVE MASSIVE THANK YOU TO @mimsyaf​ WHO HAS BEEN THE NICEST, KINDEST EDITOR ON THESE THOUGHTS AND CONTRIBUTED SO MUCH TO THEM AND GENERALLY IS A WONDERFUL PERSON!

Part 2

Part 3

1. Introduction

I recently wrote a little thing, which was about Daniel as a fairytale protagonist – specifically one that goes through some of the kinds of transformations that are often associated with female protagonists of fairytales.

I used quotes from Red Riding Hood, Labyrinth, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, and Dracula, which, as an aside – the overlap between fairytales, horror, and fantasy and the ways each of those genres delve into very deep, basic questions of humanity and the world is something that will always make me feral. I will be generally sticking with fairytales though. Also I am very excited about some of those Labyrinth concepts going around!

I’m going to use “feminine” and “masculine” in both gendered (as in relating specifically to people) and non-gendered (as in relating to codes) ways throughout this, depending on context.

To be binary for a moment, because sample-sizes of other genders are low, women are usually able to fall into either feminine or masculine arcs, although sometimes the masculine-coded woman can become a “not like the other girls” stereotype and the feminine-coded woman a shallow cliché – in both cases they’re also under more scrutiny and judgement, so it’s always worth asking “is this character not working for me because of the writing or because I have ingrained biases? (Both?)”

Men don’t often get feminine-coded arcs. Because. Probably a mix of biases and bigotry. But there are some that seem to have slipped beneath the shuttered fence of “Sufficient Narrative Testosterone,” and Daniel LaRusso is one of them.

2. Some Dude Comparisons (Men Doing Manly Action-Hero Things like being trans symbolism and loving your girlfriend… seriously those things are hella manly, I wish we saw more of that onscreen…)

a. Neo

Much like Neo The Matrix, whose journey is filled with transgender subtext and specifically and repeatedly references Alice In Wonderland, Daniel doesn’t go through quite the kind of hero's journey usually associated with Yer Standard Male Hero, especially the type found in the 80s/90s.

Neo is my favourite comparison, because of the purposefulness of his journey as a trans narrative and the use of Alice. But I’m sure there are other non-traditional male heroes out there (but are they trans tho? Please tell me, I want trans action heroes).

Neo “passes” as a socially acceptable man, but online goes by a different name - the name he prefers to be known by - feels like there’s something inherently wrong about the world around him and his body’s place in that society, and then gets taken down the rabbit hole (with his consent, although without really “knowing” what he’s consenting to) to discover that it’s the world that’s wrong - not him. And by accessing this truth he can literally make his body do and become whatever he wants it to.

Yay. (The message of the Matrix is actually that trans people can fly).

Neo is – kind of like Daniel – a strange character for Very Cis Straight Guys to imprint on. He spends most of the first movie unsure about what’s going on, out of his depth, and often getting beaten up. He is compared to Alice several times and at the end he dies. He loses. He has to be woken up with true love’s kiss, in a fun little Sleeping Beauty/Snow White twist. Yes, after that he can fly, but before that he’s getting dead-named and hate-crimed by The Most Obvious Stand-In For Normativity, Agent Smith, and being carried by people far more physically capable than he is (people who also fall outside of normative existence).

Trinity and Neo in The Matrix. The fact that a lot of the time neither of them is gendered is something. Literally brought to life by true love’s kiss.

I’m not about to argue that Daniel LaRusso is purposefully written along these same thought processes, so much as the luck of the way he was written, cast, directed, acted, and costumed all came together in the right way. And this is even more obvious when compared to That Other Underdog Fite Movie That Was By The Same Director as Karate Kid.

b. Rocky

The interesting thing about Rocky is that he is (despite being a male action icon) also not written as a Traditionally Masculine person. Large portions of Rocky – and subsequent Rocky films – are his fear and insecurity about fighting vs his inability to apply his skills to another piece of work and wanting to do right by his girlfriend (and future wife), Adrian. The fighting is most often pushed onto him against his will.

Much like in Karate Kid there is barely any fighting in Rocky I. Most of it is dedicated to how much Rocky loves Adrian and the two of them getting together. The fight is – again like in Karate Kid – a necessary violence, rather than a glorified one (within the plot, obviously watching any movie like this is also partly about the badassness of some element of the violence – whether stamina or the crane kick, it’s all about not backing down against a more powerful opponent).

Rocky is played by Sylvester Stallone. He’s tough, he’s already a fighter (albeit in the movie not a great one yet), he’s taking the fight for cash – so although he’s also soft-spoken and sweet, you’re aware of the fact that he’s got those traits that’d make a male audience go “Hell Yeah, A Man,” or whatever it is a male audience does watching movies like that… cis straight men imprinting on oiled muscle men sure is a strange phenomenon, why do you wanna watch a boxing match? So you can watch toned guys groaning and grappling with each other? Because you want to feel like A Man by allowing yourself to touch the skin of other men?

Apollo and Rocky in Rocky III. This sequence also includes prolonged shots of their crotches as they run. Sylvester Stallone directed this. This was intentional. Bros.

Daniel LaRusso is not built like that. But that doesn’t really have to matter. Being smallish and probably more likely to be described as “pretty” than handsome, and not having a toxic masculine bone in his body does not a feminine archetype make. It just makes a compelling (and pretty) underdog. 

c. Daniel

So where does the main difference really lie? Between Rocky and Daniel? Well, Rocky has the plot in his hands – Daniel, largely, does not. Rocky is acting. Daniel is reacting or being pushed into situations by others. Just like our boy Neo. Just like Alice in Wonderland, Cinderella, Snow White – just like some of the women in some contemporary(ish) fairytale films like Buttercup (Princess Bride), Dorothy (Wizard of Oz), or Sarah (Labyrinth).

This isn’t a necessary negative about stories about girls and women, so much as looking at what it is girls and women in fairytales have/don’t have, what they want, and how they’re going to get it. It’s about power (lack of), sexuality (repressed, then liberated), men, and crossing some taboo lines. It’s also about queerness.

3. The Karate Kid Part One: Leaving Home

Daniel LaRusso is a poor, skinny, shortish kid (played by a skinny, shortish twenty-two-year old) who doesn’t fit in after having been taken away from the home he was familiar with against his will. Not every male protagonist in a fairytale leaves of his own will, and not every female protagonist leaves under duress – Red Riding Hood, for example, seems perfectly happy to enter the forest. However generally a hero is “striking out to make his fortune,” and generally a heroine is fleeing or making a bargain or being married off or waiting for help to arrive. She is often stuck (and even Red Riding Hood requires saving at some point).

Daniel then encounters a beautiful, lovely girl on the beach, puts on a red hoodie (red is significant), is beaten up by a large, attractive bully, loses what little clout he may have had with his new friends, and generally has a mostly miserable time until he befriends and is saved by Mr Miyagi. To do a little Cinderella comparison: Miyagi is the fairy godmother who pushes Daniel to go to the ball in disguise as well, and that disguise falls to pieces as he’s running away.

Then Daniel asks for help, Miyagi gets him enrolled in a Karate Tournament, and starts teaching him. Daniel wins the tournament and gets the girl, the end.

While Daniel has chutzpah and is a wonderful character, none of the big events are initiated by him, except for the initial going to the forest/beach (and within all of these events Daniel absolutely makes choices – I’m not saying he’s passive): Lucille takes them to California, Miyagi pushes him to go to the dance, Miyagi again decides to enroll him in the tournament and trains him, and only because Kreese doesn’t allow for any other option, Ali is the one who more often than not approaches Daniel, and even their first encounter is pushed by Daniel’s friends.

Daniel really is at a dance/ball in disguise and receives a flower from a girl who recognises him through said disguise, it’s unbearable! It’s adorable! I get it Ali, I fucking get it!

Daniel’s main journey within this – apart from not getting killed by karate thugs (love u Johnny <3) and kissing Ali – is to learn from Miyagi. He’s not necessarily a full-on feminine fairytale archetype at this point, although there are fun things to pull out of it, mainly in the context of later films and Cobra Kai: the subtext of karate and how that builds throughout all the stories, the red clothes, the themes of obsession, his being targeted by boys whose masculinity is more than a little bit toxic and based on shame… more on all that coming up.

He doesn’t technically get a home until they build him a room at Miyagi’s place, but he definitely leaves the woods at the end of this one, trophy lifted in the air after being handed to him by a tearful Johnny and all.

And then they made a sequel.

4. The Karate Kid Part Two: Not Out Of The Woods Yet

Daniel’s won the competition, Kreese chokes out Johnny for daring to lose and cry, more life-lessons are given (for man without forgiveness in heart…) and Daniel and Ali break-up off-screen, confirming that TKK1 was not really about the girl after all, which, despite Daniel and Kumiko having wonderful chemistry, is also an ongoing theme. Daniel enters the screen in The Most Baby-Blue Outfit seen since Tiana’s dress in Princess and the Frog? Or that dress in Enchanted? Maybe Cinderella’s (technically silver, but later depicted as blue)? 

(Sidenote: At everyone who says Sam ought to wear a callback to that suit,  you are correct and sexy).

Surprise, Miyagi’s building him a room.

Double-surprise, Miyagi needs to go to Okinawa.

Triple surprise, Daniel reveals he’s going with him, because he’s his son dammit.

The Karate Kid Part Two is maybe the least Daniel-LaRusso-Feminine-Fairytale-Protagonist of the three, because it’s not really his movie. Daniel runs around with Kumiko (aka the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen), continues to be The Best Non-Toxic Boy a middle-aged Okinawan karate master could ask for, lands himself another Built Karate Rival (twice is just a coincidence, right? Right?), and eventually doesn’t die while wearing red again – twice: When Chozen almost strangles him to death at the Miyagi dojo and then during the final fight. The Saving Of The Girl (both the little girl in the storm and Kumiko) actually puts him in a more traditional masculine space than the previous movie did, even if the main theme of the film is about compassion and kindness and by the end, once more the boy whose masculinity is built on rockhard abs and matchsticks is on his knees. Daniel just has that power over big boys. It’s called kick/punch them in the face hard enough that they see stars.

There’s an aside to be made here about how much Daniel really is an observer in other peoples stories in this, although he is the factor that sends both Chozen and Kumiko into completely different directions in life (Chozen and Kumiko main characters when?) Anyway he comes out of it presumably okay, despite being almost killed. Maybe a few therapy sessions and he’ll get over it. Too bad Terry Silver is lurking around the corner…

5. The Karate Kid Part Three: The Big Bad Wolf

Alright people have written Words about the third movie. It’s fascinating. It’s odd. It’s eye-straining. It’s like olives – you’re either fully onboard the madness or it’s too off-putting for you (or you’re like. Eh, don’t see what all the fuss is about either way...). It’s basically a non-consensual secret BDSM relationship between a guy in his thirties (played by a Very Tall twenty-seven year old Thomas Ian Griffith) and a 17/18 year old (played by a shorter twenty-eight year old Ralph Macchio).

Also recently we got more information on Mr. Griffith’s input on the uh… vibes of the film. Apparently it wasn’t just The Sweetness of Ralph Macchio’s face, the screenplay (whatever that amounted to in the first place – release the script!), the soundtrack, the direction to not tone it down under any circumstances, the fact that Macchio categorically refused to play a romance between himself and an actress who was sixteen, no: it was also TIG coming up with fun ways to torture Daniel’s character and suggesting these to the director. Clearly everyone has fun hurting Mr Macchio (including Mr Macchio).

The point is that aaallll of that amounts to that Intense Homoerotic Dubiously-Consented-To D/s subtext that haunts the movie and gives a lot of fun stuff to play with. It’s also a film that – if we’re analysing Daniel along feminine-coded fairytale lines recontextualises his role in this universe.

The Fairytale goes topsy-turvy. Through the looking glass. Enter Big Bad Wolf stage right. Karate is a metaphor for Daniel’s bisexual awakening. 

“Oh, when will an attractive man touch me in ways that aren’t about hurting me?” he asks after two movies of being hurt by boys with rippling muscles. “Why do men continue to notice me only to hit me? Do you think wearing red is making me too noticeable? Anyway, Mr Silver looked really good in his gi today.” 

Daniel’s diary must be a trip.

[kanerallels]

OKAY OKAY ROUND TWO OF THIS! Kanera fix it or Kanera and waffles! Whichever works <3

*has no self control* *writes my first fix it* This was hecking fun! I hope you enjoyed it!

Pairing: Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla

Word Count: 2,455

Tags/Warning: rated T (for time travel! *insert Hulk gif here*) and also near death

This wasn’t how Kanan wanted things to end.

He'd wanted more time. He'd wanted to explain things to Hera, to tell her how much she meant to him.

But things had moved too fast for him. Kanan was too late.

He felt the heat of the fire from the fuel pod singing the tips of his fingers, and concentrated on pushing it back with all his strength, his hands shaking slightly and his face twisting with the effort. The fire billowed high above him, but Kanan wasn’t afraid. Just full of regrets.

Behind him, he heard Hera scream his name, her voice full of raw desperation and fear. Kanan knew, without even needing to look, that she would run towards him and she did, her steps barely audible above the roar of the flames.

Turning without looking, Kanan diverted part of his concentration and caught her in her steps, holding her back with the Force. He felt her struggle against the grip, panic and fear pulsing through her.

Slowly, on some instinct he didn’t understand, he turned to face Hera. Maybe it was because of how much he ached to see her. Maybe it was to give her one last glimpse of him. Kanan sensed her desperation, her fear, how much she wanted to reach him.

But he couldn’t let her. There was too much at stake. So with a quick thrust, he sent her flying back to where Ezra was waiting, ready. His apprentice caught hold of her, holding her back. Kanan felt a flicker of gratitude-- he could always count on Ezra.

An odd tingling sensation swept across his eyes, and for a moment he thought he was crying. But crying had been impossible ever since Malachor. Since he’d been blinded.

Even as he thought the word, it was like a cloud was swept away from his eyes, and he could see. Kanan had no idea how, but he accepted it calmly, as he’d accepted his fate.

His gaze locked onto Hera first-- Hera, clad in an orange prisoner’s jumpsuit, a look of complete horror and fear in her eyes, with the slightest hint of surprise and awe as she looked at him. Kanan took her in, drinking in the very sight of her. She was older than she had been when they’d first met, and had only grown more beautiful. And Kanan had only grown more in love with her.

Behind her, holding her back, was Ezra-- Force, Ezra. He was so tall, so grown-up looking. Kanan was well aware he’d only ever pictured the little boy from Lothal, and he felt pride stirring in his heart. Stay safe, kid, he thought. You know what to do. I love you both.

And so he released his hold on the flames and used all his power and strength to send the ship that held Ezra, Sabine, and Hera flying away from the fuel depot. It would be enough. It had to be enough.

They would be safe. And they would keep fighting. Hera always did.

That was Kanan’s last thought before the flames swallowed him.

But it wasn’t his last thought.

Even as the fire swirled around him, he heard a strange whoosh, and the sound of boots impacting on metal, and suddenly the fire was gone. And Kanan was somewhere else entirely.

“Did it work?”

A young male voice came from behind Kanan, stunned but excited.

“Of course it worked, idiot, he’s not dead and we still exist,” said a dry female voice that sounded… bizarrely familiar. Almost like--

Kanan turned towards the sound and someone tackled him to the ground, slapping a hand over his eyes. “Sorry, sorry-- eyes closed,” the young man ordered. “If you look, I’ll tell Hera.”

“What does that even mean?” Kanan demanded-- although it was a fairly compelling argument. Trying to shove the young man off of him, he said “Who are you? What are you doing?”

“Saving you, you dumb--”

The young man cleared his throat loudly, cutting off the woman. “We were sent here to save your life.”

“What?” Kanan’s jaw dropped, surprise flashing through him. “Wha-- no, I was supposed to die. It had to happen, to save Hera and Ezra and Sabine--”

Letting out an exasperated sigh, the woman said, “They’re FINE, trust me. Well, other than the fact they think you’re dead.”

The young man groaned. “Okay, you should probably stop talking now. I’ll handle this.”

“You’re not much more diplomatic than me!”

“Everyone’s more diplomatic than you, Depa.”

“Depa?” Kanan asked, a frown knitting his forehead.

He heard his two rescuers freeze, and a muttered curse. “Yeah,” the young man said cautiously. “That’s her name.”

“That was my master’s name,” Kanan said, his mind racing. There was no way that could be a coincidence. Sure, there were probably other people in the galaxy named Depa, but--

“You can probably stop sitting on him-- he’ll behave,” Depa said dryly. “Right, Jarrus? That means keep your eyes close, and NO PEEKING or I’ll punch you out.”

“You can’t punch him out,” the young man said with a sigh.

“Why, because he’s an old geezer? I’m not afraid to hit an old man.”

Kanan sensed the young man rolling his eyes. “He’s not even that old right now! Okay, I’m gonna let you up-- please keep your eyes closed.”

The young man scrambled off of him, and Kanan slowly rose to his feet, wincing. He’d been burned, he could feel that much-- his hands, the back of his neck and his face especially. But somehow, impossibly, he was alive.

“I-- thank you,” he said. “I don’t know how or why you saved me, but thank you.”

“Someone had to,” Depa said, her voice surprisingly sincere. “And Force knows you needed help.”

“True,” the young man agreed. “But we don’t have all day here-- we need to get you back.”

“Back?” Kanan asked.

“Back to Hera and everyone else,” the young man elaborated. “If you follow us, we can get you out of here and back to them. They should be expecting you. Hopefully. We’re pretty sure Ezra warned them.”

“Reassuring,” Kanan said, keeping his eyes shut. “Which way are we going? And where are we, exactly?”

“This way,” Depa said, giving his shoulder a slight nudge in the right direction. As Kanan started walking, she added, “And we’re in some dumb alternate dimension.”

“It’s a world between worlds,” the young man corrected from ahead of them. “And it was really hard to get here. You wouldn’t believe all the stuff we had to do to get here. But it led us to where you were, which makes it worth it.”

“Why?” Kanan asked, releasing the question he’d been turning over in his mind. “Why did you come to save me? Why you in particular?”

He heard the young man’s footsteps stutter, like he’d paused in his steps. “Oh. Um…”

“Subtle, Jacen,” Depa said sarcastically.

“Jacen?” Kanan felt a grin cross his face. “So that’s your name.”

Jacen let out a sigh. “Nice one, Depa. Look, D-- Kanan. You’re… really important. To a lot of people. And they couldn’t just lose you if there was something that could be done.”

“So we did it,” Depa said matter of factly. “As you do. Oh, we’re here! This is your stop.”

They came to a halt, and Kanan sensed… something. Like a light at the end of a hallway, beckoning him forward. “And this is where I’m supposed to go?” he said warily. “It’s safe?”

“Trust me,” Jacen said. “She’s on the other side. Hera is. Your family is waiting for you.”

Kanan nodded slowly, his mind spinning. Despite the obvious strangeness of this whole thing, the way it had caught him off guard, there were a few things that he had a strange feeling about. Like he was two steps away from putting something together, something incredibly important. “Wait-- before I go through there. Will I be able to see?”

“I-- oh. No,” Depa said, her voice soft, almost shaken. “You never could after Lothal. That was the last time.”

“Then I at least want to see the faces of the pair that saved my life,” Kanan said. “If you’re alright with it.”

“I’m not sure--” Jacen began.

“Oh, shut up and let him,” Depa said, her voice exasperated. “What’s the worst that could happen? Besides, I-- I want him to.”

There was a short pause, then Jacen sighed. “I know. Me, too. Okay, go ahead.”

Kanan’s eyes flicked open. He was in what looked like outer space-- pure black, only broken up by strange white lines outlining paths. And, every now and then, circular doorways. “Huh,” Kanan murmured, his gaze sweeping across the place. And then it landed on the duo standing in front of him, and his eyes widened in surprise.

They were both a couple years younger than him. Jacen was a tall young man, tan-skinned except where it was green, especially along his pointed ears. His long hair, tied back in a ponytail, and scruffy goatee were a deep shade of green, and his eyes were almost an almost disturbingly familiar shade of turquoise.

Depa was a young Twi’lek woman with green skin, pink patches here and there. Her eyes were brown, and widened slightly with shock as they met his. “He really does have your eyes,” she said, her voice stunned.

“Wow,” Kanan breathed, any doubt in his mind swept away. “Are-- are you two-- Wow. Words fail me.”

Depa let out a snort. “Same here. But about that haircut. Mom was right, it really is awful. Worse than the one Jacen gave himself when he was eleven. It was really bad, be glad you didn’t see it.”

Kanan chuckled, then glanced at Jacen. “I-- and you two came here to save me?”

Jacen shrugged. “We wouldn’t exist if we didn’t. Well, I would, but Depa wouldn’t, and that’s a downside. Kinda.”

Depa punched him in the arm, and Jacen let out a yelp, darting away from her as she took another swing at him, and Kanan could only shake his head because of what he was watching. “This is unbelievable.”

“I mean. Not that unbelievable,” Jacen pointed out, a smile crossing his face that Kanan had seen a thousand times in the seat next to his own.

“Wow. You look… just like your mom. Both of you.”

Jacen’s eyes went wide. “R-really? Um. Everyone says I look like… you.”

“That is Hera Syndulla’s smile right there,” Kanan said, and he knew it to his core. “Looks just like hers. But yeah, I can see our resemblance. Well. For now.”

The smile faded off of Jacen’s face, and he said in a low voice, “We can’t stay.”

Nodding, Kanan said, “I know. I should probably get going, too. Just--” he paused, looking at his children for the last time. “I’m proud of you two already.”

“That is so typical of you,” Depa said, rolling her eyes in a completely Hera movement. “Do you have any idea how many kids you’re gonna adopt? Hint-- it’s a lot.”

“No spoilers,” Jacen ordered. “We should go. But before we do--” he turned to Kanan. “When the time comes, tell Ezra that he doesn’t have to be you. He has to be him, and no one else.”

“Oh, and don’t worry,” Depa said breezily. “You’ll find him eventually.”

“Wait, what? What does that mean?” Kanan demanded.

“You’re about to find out,” Depa said with a wink, and that, Kanan knew, she’d gotten from him.

Leaning forward, Jacen said, “She’s your most infuriating child. Yes, more so than the Mandalorian.”

Kanan shook his head, grinning. “I can’t wait for you two to come along. I really can’t.”

Shrugging, Depa said, “You might not have to wait that long. Now get out of here, we’ve all got places to be.”

“Right.” Kanan turned towards the doorway, which was a blank white, and glanced back at his kids one more time. “May the Force be with you,” he told them.

“You always say that,” Jacen said with a slight grin. “See you soon, Dad.”

Kanan nodded, then stepped through the doorway.

Everything was dark as he stumbled out into what was some kind of clearing, or something. But he felt the sunlight on his face, and knew why it was. His eyesight was gone again, and he was okay with that.

A shriek cut through his thoughts, and he jerked his head up as someone shouted his name. “Kanan!”

It was Hera, her voice holding shock and joy and love, and Kanan heard her run towards him. But this time, he was running, too, and felt her slam into him. “You’re here,” she choked out, a sob shaking her body. “Ezra was right. I didn’t think--”

Kanan cut her off with a kiss, pulling her closer as she kissed him back. Breaking away from the kiss, he whispered, “I love you, too.”

Hera let out a shaky laugh. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear those words, love.”

“I-- wait.” Kanan froze. “How long was I gone? How long since the fuel depot?” Panic raced through him.

“Only three months,” Hera assured him, clearly catching his fear. “You’ve missed a lot. There’s some things we should talk about.”

“I bet,” Kanan muttered. “Okay, let’s go talk.”

Hera stepped away from him, but caught hold of his hand so she could lead him. “Right this way, dear.”

Kanan relished the sound of her voice as he walked with her, willing to wait through whatever they had to talk about next.

Well. Almost willing. “There’s… one thing that I have to ask you,” he said. “There was this weird thing that happened while I was gone-- it’s a long story. But something that happened made me think-- it might be stupid, but I just need to ask--”

Cutting him off, Hera said, “Just ask, love.”

“Right.” Taking a quick breath, Kanan asked, “Are you… pregnant?”

He felt her stop in her tracks, shock radiating through her. “I--” Hera paused, then let out a sigh. “I was planning on telling you myself, you know. Not sure I should be thanking your Jedi instincts on this one. But… yes. I’m pregnant.”

Holy. Kriff. “I’m gonna be a dad,” Kanan whispered, the words surreal but beautiful. They were real. I actually saw my kids. Which means-- Jacen.

A smile slipping across his face, he bent down and kissed Hera again. He knew things had to have changed, and he had a lot to catch up on. But he was with the woman he loved, and he had a lifetime to look forward to. They could handle it together.

[sweetchup]

Little Fish; Big Fish

Type: Rin Obami x reader

Au?: None

Word Count: About 10,000 words

Warnings: Don’t think I need to say this but just in case, Yumeko and Kirari (Enough said). (This is also Kakegurui so everyone is a little bit insane)

Author note: Why is it always the smiley and soft looking boys that are actually bad guys that I simp for? Someone help.

“Are you nervous?”

Kirari's powerful voice resounds throughout the empty student council room and catches you off guard. At her sudden question, or rather statement, you can’t help but notice that your hands, that were holding your cards, were in fact shaking.

Ever so slightly, you begin to loosen the grip you had on the cards, hoping (practically praying at this point) to stop the shaking. Though, it was a futile attempt in the end as you still had ever so slight small twitches throughout your whole body that gave you away.  

How did you get in this mess?

That’s the question you have been asking yourself ever since you got Kirari’s gamble invitation. One, you still haven’t understood why she would give you in the first place. After all, you weren’t rich. Not even in the slightest way. Both of your parents had normal office jobs and the only reason you had even got accepted into this school was due to your grandfather having worked here as a teacher in the past.

There was also the fact you didn’t gamble. Though, it wasn’t just because you couldn’t, it was also because you weren’t interested. The chips used in betting were often millions of yen anyways and you didn’t feel the joy of ending up in debt for the rest of your life. At the very least however, you understood why so many flocked to the thrill of gambling. The many times you ran into Yumeko Jabami and were roped into watching her nonsense with her gang of friends proved that.

But still…., even with being friends with Yumeko Jabami, you were still utterly nothing. Just someone that adorned the school halls. A wallflower that had somehow, through some unknown luck, has avoided becoming a housepet. So, just why were you here. It made no—

The sudden noise of Kirari placing her cards down on the table snaps you out of your thoughts. For the first time since you arrived, you finally gain the courage to glance at her face.

With her electric blue eyes that almost seemed to glow and a small, ever so slightly, smile that graced her also blue lips, you can’t help but gulp. You knew what was about to happen wasn’t good.

“(Y/n) (l/n). That’s who you are, right?”  Kirari inquires, leaning back in her chair slightly as she turns her attention to the massive fish tank in the room. “You are the eldest daughter and only child of your (l/n) family name. With most of your family being mere pawns of larger companies. Honestly, your income is hardly a cent compared to other students at our school.”

You bite the edge of your lip slightly. It was the truth but you wished she didn’t have to spell it out so bluntly.

“Yet,...” Kirari turns her gaze back to you, “You still have lasted longer, even better, than others at this school. I wonder how...”

As she finishes her sentence, Kirari reaches over to examine a small box of traditional Japanese sweets. A box she had won off of you in the last round. Even though she had frazed her last sentence as a question, you could tell she already knew her own answer.

“I will admit, the strategy you have come up with to survive is actually incredibly smart. If you are ever forced to gamble, you bet these sweets you bought from some commoner’s shop. Since most students here don't know the price of average items, They over bet what the equivalent price is. Letting you have quite the side profit when you do happen to win.”

“Ah yes… it’s really all I can afford…” You say, letting out a small chuckle at the end in hopes of lightening the room. Which thankfully, on your end, does as Kirari laughs along as well.

“You know... I have something that could possibly help with that ‘wealth problem’ of yours.“

Caught off guard by her sudden statement, you looked at her bewildered.

“What do you mean by that?” You say in an unsure light filled tone, hoping she was just joking.

“Well, I heard from—“

However, before Kirari could finish what she was proposing, the student council doors open with a loud bang. Startling you so much you almost drop your cards. However, Kirari does not even flinch in the slightest. Almost as if she expected that to happen.

“Hello (y/n)!!” Yumi shouts out to you as she pushes Terano into the room along with Ibara following in tow. Once the pinked hair male notices you, he quickly walks, more like runs, over to your side.

“You didn’t lose anything right?” Ibara asks as he peers down at the table of cards. He must have noticed you were gone from morning classes today and had searched to come find you.

“A-ah nothing big. Just two boxes of candy.” You tell your classmate and friend as he checks your bag. Though, your answer doesn’t seem to reassure him in any way.

“I think that’s enough betting for today. Let’s go, break is about to end anyways.” Ibara states as he practically tries to drag you out of your seat.

“O-ok. Well, I better get going then. Thanks for the small game Kirari.” You say, giving the president a small bow as you stand and proceed to grab your bag.

“(Y/n),” You pause at what you are doing when you suddenly feel a hand scooping your cheek, looking up you see Kirari leaning over at the table. “If you want to hear the rest of my proposal, come stop by.”

Almost in a trance, perhaps it was her angelic looks that caused it, you can’t help but nod.

“Good. I will await for your arrival—“

“Kirari,” Kirari is once again cut off as Terano speaks. The two stare at each other, almost as if they are exchanging in some sort of conversation. You can’t tell what was being said but you noticed the atmosphere of the room had grown rather tense.

“Let’s leave…,” Ibara whispers in your ear as he gives your arm a light tug.

“Ok…” You give Terano a small bow and smile in thanks before you leave the room with Ibara. As the door finally closes with a loud thud, Terano lets out a heavy sigh.

“Can’t you for once in your life not treat something as some sort of gamble?”

Kirari can’t help but raise an eyebrow at Terano’s bold statement. It seemed she was right about the fact the other family members have grown attached to (y/n) as well.

“Well, it would be rather boring to watch on the sidelines.” Kirari says as she looks over to her fish tank. Just as she does so, two fishes appear, one big and one small. Even though there was a major difference in size, they weren’t hostile to each other and were actually being careful to not swim too far away from the other. “Rin Obami is painfully obviously in love with (y/n) (l/n) and I have a small hunch she does as well. Yet, neither has confessed and the slow game they are playing is starting to get rather boring. So, I just felt the need to spice things up a little.”

Suddenly, in the tank, another big fish appears and it is heading straight towards the smaller fish. It clearly plans to devour it.

“Still that isn’t your place to interfere.” Terano states pulling Kirari's attention away from the tank. Kirari watches as the girl before her suddenly scoffs, “What am I even saying… you don’t listen to logic anyways. I’m leaving, let’s go Yumi.”

“Okay Terano!”

As the two exit the room, Kirari stares at the closed door for a couple of seconds before turning her attention back to the tank. As she looks, she can’t find the three fish anymore and wonders what happened to them when she looked away. Was the small fish swallowed? Or did it perhaps run far away, leaving the bigger fish side?

Kirari can’t help but bite the edge of her nail in excitement as a sudden new thought comes across her mind.

Maybe…., both ended up being devoured. With the bigger fish attempting to save his smaller friend but failing and both perishing.

Kirari licks her lips as she walks over and presses herself up against the glass. Even in the off chance both of the fish did survive, it was only inevitable that another predator would soon pop up to try to devour the smaller fish again.

“Don’t get devoured so soon (y/n)... I wanna see you and Rin swim around more. Just struggling to stay alive.”

—.—.—.—.—.—.—

“Come on (y/n)! Can’t you tell me what Kirari proposed to you?” Ibara groans as he opens the door to your classroom. Most of the students of the Botan Class were already back from break and had already taken their seats.

“As I said before, I didn’t hear the full thing. Just that she wanted to help with my ‘wealth’ problem.”

After hearing Ibara let out another groan, you decide to just leave his side and walk back to your seat instead. You knew Ibara would still continue to press into you until you told Sumika, or Kawaru, to prove to him you were in fact telling the truth.

“(Y-y/n),” At the call of your name, you tilt your head up to see three of your female classmates standing near your desk. “Did you really get challenged by the President?”

“Hmm? Oh…” You take a glance to look at Ibara, who was two rows away, watching your conversation as well. Knowing that, you felt completely safe to tell the girls the truth, “I did actually. See?”

You pull out the invitation you got this morning to show the girls. As they excitedly go on to ask you questions, you can’t help but feel thankful that Ibara, and actually the rest of the “-Bami” branch families, transferred to Hyakkaou Private Academy.

Before they came, you weren’t treated as bad as a housepet but you were still looked down upon by many of your classmates. The only thing that stopped you from being bullied was your friendly gambles that kept your classmates excited for the next treat you could possibly bring in.

It was actually one of those friendly gambles that caused you to meet Rin and Ibara Obami, who had just transferred into your class, in the first place. Rin had actually thought that, based on your game, you were also from a swindler family. You didn’t quite get what he meant at the time (you actually felt slightly offended at the comment and yelled at him for it). But you soon understood what he was getting at when only a day later, a group of guys offered you way too much money and gifts for a haul of those treats.

Later that day, you begrudgingly apologized to Rin and, eventually over time, became friends with him and the rest of the “-Bami”s.

“Now, now ladies. I’m sure (y/n) can answer all of your questions later.” Speaking of the devil himself, you watch Rin take his seat right next to yours.

“O-ok Rin-sama.” You hold back a scoff as the girls run off, whispering and giggling amongst themselves. Even you, who doesn’t know how to swindle, noticed that Rin has only been buttering them up to use them as pawns later.

“So, (y/n),” Rin starts as he leans a little back in his chair and glances at you, “What happened with you and Kirari?”

“Ah. I’m actually not quite sure. I suddenly got this gamble invitation from her this morning and I know I definitely didn’t do anything recently to grab her attention.” You pick up the invitation to hand it off to Rin, slightly tensing as your fingers accidentally brush his.

Not now (y/n). You told yourself you wouldn’t.

One important thing that you have been trying to deal with recently, other than the chaos of this election of course, is your growing crush on Rin Obami. You tried to stomp it out when it first bloomed up, after all you were falling in love with one of the heirs of the famous Hundred Devouring Families, but that ended up failing... horribly.

After you tried to avoid Rin, and even Ibara eventually, the boys switched to being only hanging out with you in class to basically being by your side every single chance they got. Especially Rin, who even forced you to accompany him when he went to chat or discuss business with the other branch family members at the school.

Which is actually how you eventually became close to Terano and the others.

“How did the match go however?” Rin asks, handing the card back to you with a serious look.

“I didn’t get that far into the match before Terano and Ibara came in. We only got to two rounds, which I lost both to Kirari. However, she thankfully let me bet my sweets so I lost no money.”

“Well that’s good…” Rin says, his eyes quickly flickering to somewhere else in the room before going back to you, “Anything else happen?”

You let out a light laugh before looking up to the male with challenging eyes, “I don’t think I need to say something you already got from Ibara, Obami.”

Rin lets out a sigh and pouts a little, “Why do you always see right through me, (y/n)? And, calling me by my last name, Really?”

“Well, you and Ibara need to stop pressing into me about information that doesn’t exist. I already told everything that happened.”

After you finish speaking, Rin and you stare at each other for a couple of minutes. His blackish-purple eyes scanning for any detections of a lie almost makes you flustered. Though, thankfully before heat starts to travel up your neck, your teacher enters the room and shouts about class starting.

“Yes, Sensei!” The class resounds in unison.

As you lean down to grab out your notes for class, you feel Rin suddenly grab your hand. With Rin leaning over as well to grab his own notes, both of your heads were hidden under the desk. Helplessly, due to a firm grip on your hand, you can’t attempt to move away.

“(Y/n). If Kirari, or actually any the student council, approaches you about that offer again. Promise me that you will instantly come grab me or any of the others.”

Under Rin’s intense look, you can’t help but gulp. Why was he so nervous about you?

“I-I will try…“ You say quickly, averting your eyes from Rin as you use your other hand to pull out your notes. Even as you come back up to a sitting position, Rin still doesn’t let go of your hand.

“(Y/n). I want you to promise me you will definitely come grab us. I don’t want—“

“Obami. (L/n).” The teacher calls out, making you two snap your head to him. As well as making you realize everyone else in the class had been watching what was going on between you two. “I don’t think I have to say this but keep your relationship and hand holding out of my class.”

Hearing snickers and giggles from your fellow classmates, you quickly retract your hand from Rin’s and mumble out an apology.

“Ok. Then, with that squared away, let’s get started with class. We will begin where we left off last time with the sudden…”

As the teacher drones on and on about some history lesson from yesterday, you can’t help but sneak a glance at Rin. To everyone else in the class, he likely looked calmed and focused but you knew he wasn’t. Hell, from where you were next to him, you could practically feel the stress radiating off of him.

You knew the Hundred Devouring Families wasn't a nice family to be in but was Kirari really that dangerous? You knew she was really dangerous to someone average like you but to someone like Rin? Even if he was a branch family, he had a lot of power and money. Likely at least close, if not on par with Kirari.

Still, no matter what you thought, Rin was still stressed out that you were on Kirari’s radar.

Glancing away from Rin, you see the teacher was currently occupied with writing something on the board and the rest of the students weren’t paying any attention to you two whatsoever. However, even with them being distracted, if you tried to talk to Rin and got even the slightest bit too loud you could gain someone’s attention. So, how would you get his attention without interrupting class…

Thinking for a couple of minutes, an idea suddenly comes to your mind.

Shakily, you slip a hand down to your side and move it around a little. You can’t help but feel your stomach flutter when your hand accidently nudges against Rin’s. Which only grows worse as you can almost physically feel Rin’s attention shift from the board towards you.

Letting out a shaky breath, which you hoped Rin didn’t notice, you lightly enrap your hand around his.

“I’ll try to come grab one of you guys. I-It’s just I’m not exactly in a position to refuse someone as powerful as Kirari ....” You whisper out, your eyes still trained on the board as you can’t bring up the courage to look over at him.

You sit there tensely for what felt like forever, waiting for some sort of response. Perhaps your voice was too soft and he didn’t hear you?

However, just as you go to repeat yourself, you nearly end up choking on your own spit. The sudden feeling of Rin entwining his fingers with yours and placing your enwrapped hands in his jacket pocket so no one would notice, sent your heart into a frenzy and you were having a very hard time not melting on the spot right then and there.

Just as you think it couldn’t get any possibly worse for you it does. Your heart nearly explodes out of your chest as Rin casually leans closer to you so he can whisper in your ear. You could even, from how close he was, smell a hint of the expensive cologne he put on every day.

“Okay. I’ll stick by your side from now on then.” Rin whispers quickly, his breath ever so slightly tickling the shell of your ear, before sitting back into a normal position.

You are about to respond how that wasn’t needed in the slightest but before you can the teacher turns back around.

“Okay. So, to review…” The teacher looks around the class before finally stopping at you, “...(L/n).”

“Y-yes,” You squeak out, quickly trying to remove your hand from Rin’s before the teacher notices. However, as you attempt to do so, Rin only tightens his grip. Not enough to hurt, but definitely enough so you couldn’t possibly slip your hand out of his without creating a scene.

You give Rin a quick glare, which he of course responds with a smile, before turning your attention back to the teacher as he continues.

“What does Edo mean?” The teacher asks, leaning slightly back against the board.

“Well Sir, Edo could refer to two possible things. The first being the time period named after it, the Edo Period. This was when Japan was under the rule of the Tokugawa Shogunate. However, Edo could also mean—“

You suddenly choke up as you feel Rin adjust his grip so he can rub his thumb over the back of your hand. Even though it was such a small, almost trivial, gesture, it caused your brain to go blank. Almost as if it had fried itself.

“U-uh…” You jumble up your words for a couple of seconds before finally composing yourself, “E-Edo could also refer to the previous Japanese Capital, that was called ‘Edo’ before it got changed to ‘Tokyo’ in 1-1868…”

“Excellent! So, Can anybody tell me the name of that Shogunate from the Edo Period?“

As the Teacher turns around to write the answers down on the board, you turn your attention back to Rin, who looked quite proud of himself.

“What’s wrong (y/n)? Flustered much?” Rin whispered out, Jokingly yet also quite mischievously. You swore,

If ‘sadist’ had a picture in the Urban dictionary, it would be a picture of Rin Obami. Especially due to the fact, he took great joy from just messing with you, or sometimes other people.

“It’s your fault, dingbat. Are you trying to get us caught?”

“I doubt we would. I mean look at Ibara, even he hasn’t caught on yet.”

At Rin’s words you swing your head around to take a glance at Ibara. The pink haired brother looked bored out of his mind and only lightened up a little when he noticed your gaze on him. He gives you a small unaware wave in your direction which you return quickly before turning back around.

“Fine, I’ll admit you're correct by that.” You tell him, begrudgingly which he lightly laughs at.

“See~ don’t worry about it.” Rin mutters back and gives you a small wink before turning his attention back to the lesson. Which, after huffing for a second, you soon do as well.

You just wished he would quit messing around with stuff like this…

—.—.—.—.—.—.—

“Oh? What’s going on with you and—“

“Don’t ask.” You mutter out, cutting off whatever Yumeko was going to say as you take a seat next to her for dinner. Still slightly flustered at the fact, Rin insisted he held your hand the entire walk to dinner even though that bastard wasn’t actually having dinner in the dining hall in the first place.

Terano had told him that she wanted a meeting with branch family members only. But, due to his promise in history class, he insisted on at least walking you to dinner if he couldn’t join you. Which you can’t believe he actually did as it was incredibly embarrassing to see your classmates whispering and making kissy faces at you two.

“But, come on (y/n)~ You have to at least tell us what’s going on with you and Rin. We are friends aren’t we?” Yumeko whines, really wanting to know what’s happening.

“Or, at the very least, tell us about what happened between you and the President.” Mary suddenly says as she takes her seat on the other side of you.

“Oh yeah, I heard many people whispering about it in the classroom! I thought it was only a rumor? Well I hoped it was for your sake…” Ryota murmurs out, recalling what he heard before he left for dinner with Yumeko.

Speaking of Yumeko, Ryota noticed her suddenly getting very excited at the thought of the President. Quickly, she grabs your hands, her red crazed staring down at you.

“Oh, (y/n)! Please tell me it was true! I want to hear everything, everything, that happened at that gamble!”

“Well… Um… it wasn’t actually that exciting. I only—“ Just as you go to tell Yumeko what happened, your phone suddenly goes off. “Oh sorry guys, it’s my mom. I’ll be back.”

Quickly excusing yourself from the cafeteria, you answer your phone out in the empty hallway.

“Hello? Mom?“

“O-oh (y/n)! I-I-I’m so sorry!” You can’t help but be shocked as you hear the hiccuping of your mother from the other end.

“Mom? Are you alright? W-what’s wrong? Did something happen?” You worriedly asked. You’ve never, ever, seen your mother get so upset before.

“I-I just found out your father has been cheating on me for years. He actually has a whole-e-e secret family behind our back.” Your mother pauses her sentence as she tries to compose herself from another sob racking through her body.

“O-oh Mom,” You feel terrible yourself. That was your father, of course, and you couldn’t believe he would do something like that to you and your family. “I-If you want, you can call the school and I can get the quickest train home. I might miss class tomorrow but I can at least help you through this!”

“T-Thank you, Honey… but I’m afraid that you can’t.” You are stunned for a second. What did she mean you couldn’t, you could easily make up any missing classwork and homework you would miss.

“Mom what—“ A wretched sob from your mother on the other end of the phone cuts you off.

“B-before your father left, he took out every last cent of our savings-s. We have nothing left and I have to still wait for my paycheck next week!”

Your ears begin to ring as you attempt to process the tumble of words out of your mother’s mouth. You couldn’t quite believe it. You actually didn’t want to believe it and hoped this was some nightmare that you would wake up out of. Everything? All that money your family worked for… was really gone?

“(Y-y/n) sweetie?” Your mother suddenly calls, breaking you out of your daze.

“Y-yes mom?”

“I know this is a lot to ask, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to—“

“Mom I’ll do it! Don’t worry about me!” You quickly reassure, ready to help take off any burden on your mother.

“O-okay. If possible, could you ask one of your friends if we can take out a loan of their money? We just need some to pay for rent and bills for a while and I will instantly try to pay them back.” As your mother finishes explaining the rest, you can’t help but be silent for a couple of minutes. Your brain was racking with any possible other ideas before you finally gave up and answered.

“Y-yeah I’ll try to see what I can do.” As your mother hangs up, you can’t help but collapse to the floor.

A loan from a friend? That your family can pay back? That would be impossible. Your father made a ton more money than your mother and was essentially the main breadwinner of the family. It would take at least a year, maybe even two, for you and your mother to get back on your feet. You can’t afford to pay back that much debt and can’t afford to ask your closest friends to support you for that long. That would just be so wrong… but, you also didn’t know what else you could do.

“You know... I have something that could possibly help with that ‘wealth problem’ of yours.“

Kirari… you could ask Kirari! You didn’t want to but she had already offered you money or financial stability and it was way better than putting your friends in that position. Her offer might also be good enough that your mother and you could get out of the old nasty apartment you rent.

As you get to your feet and are about to try and make your way down the hall, you feel someone grab your arm.

“A-ah. E-Erimi, Sumika. H-hello, how are you?” You can’t help but gulp. You weren’t paying attention to your surroundings while on that phone call, so they possibly could have heard all of it.

“(Y/n)-San, I apologize but I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation.” You freeze at Sumika’s words, “I hope I’m wrong by this but please tell me you're not thinking of going to Kirari about this.”

Shit, Sumika always got it right on the dot when it came to you.

“I-I’m not. I’m just going to try to find Itsuki.” You murmur out, trying to lie even though it was futile. Curse Sumika’s acting and reading skills.

“(Y/n). Please don’t lie about things like this.” Sumika says in a worried tone. However, you can’t bring yourself to continue the conversation you were having with her. Already you were embarrassed enough that this was happening to you in the first place, but it only got worse that likely the “-Bami” family will have to help you again. It mostly made you feel bad since you can’t do anything to repay them for their kindness.

“Sumika, Please I need to do this. I’ll be fine.” You reassure the girl in front of you, lightly grabbing her hand that was wrapped around your wrist, trying to pry it off.

“(Y/n), No. …Erimi!”

Erimi, who was standing on the side worriedly about what was happening, instantly turned to Sumika.

“Erimi, please go grab Terano-san and Rin-san. Please… quickly!” You instantly freeze as you watch Erimi nod before quickly running off and disappearing down the hall. You can’t get Terano and Rin involved. Those two need to save every cent of their money to help buy leftover votes nearing the end of the election. You can’t possibly have them waste all their hard work on you, not after they have been working so hard for it.

… You just can’t afford to be the cause of crushing Rin’s dream like that. You know how much being head of the “-Bami” family meant to him.

“S-Sumika please, I beg of you. Don’t get Rin involved, you know he needs as much money as he can for this election! I will only stand in his way if he helps support me. Please, just le—“

“(Y-y/n),” You can’t help but gasp and freeze as you see a tear roll down Sumika’s cheek. “D-do you really see yourself as a burden to Rin? To us?”

You suck in a breath, ready to answer back but find yourself unable to. Your stomach felt like it was twisted into so many knots that you were about to puke.

Using her free hand, Sumika wipes away her tears and takes a deep calming breath before continuing, “(Y/n), Please don’t think so low of yourself. We all care for you and have never seen you as a burden. Especially Rin. He would feel so guilty if he didn’t help you out in a desperate situation like this. All of us would. I don’t have the right to say this but Rin—“

“Oh my god. Is that Kawaru Natari?”

“Ah! I think it is!”

Suddenly, Sumika’s grip on your hand disappears as you are pushed away by a group of her fans. Even though Sumika is trying to find and call out your name, none of the fans seem to know or care about what’s going on with her. All they care about is trying to get her autograph or at least shake her hand.

Stumbling to your feet, you take a glance at Sumika who was still encircled in her fans. The bubbling feeling of guilt lumps up in your throat as you think… No, you decided about what you should do.

“Sorry Sumika…” You murmur to yourself as you run down the hallway and to the stairs. You had no time to waste because Erimi has likely already notified the others of what is happening.

—.—.—.—.—.—.—

“I-is this the room?” You ask Kirari, taking a look around as you enter a giant room you have never been in. It looked like any other formal dining hall with many white clothed tables decorating the room.

“Yes. After all, you said the others are searching for us and this will likely be the last place they will check,” Kirari says as she walks over and places a bunch of paper packets on the central table, “Let’s get started shall we?”

“Y-yes of course. But first, What is your offer?”

“It’s a thing I like to call a ‘Life Plan’.” Kirari explains, picking up one of the fancy packets to show you. As you flip through it, she continues, “As the name suggests, it’s a plan of your entire happy life. Usually, I give these to House Pets who have no hope of getting out of their debt, but I believe it has the ability to benefit you as well.”

“R-really?” You mutter out, slightly disgusted by the fact this packet says you will marry a 50 year old politician and have 5 children with him, “A-ah!”

You are startled as Kirari plucks the packet out of your hand and suddenly rips it apart, “Don’t worry that one wasn’t for you. Since you are close with my extended family, I have taken much care in picking the best bachelors… that are also around your age.”

“O-oh really? Thanks Kirari,” You tell Kirari relieved, flashing her a thankful smile. Well as thankful as you could. Your heart felt like it was slowly shattering at the thought you were essentially selling yourself off to someone you don’t even know.

Rin…

You quickly shake the thought of Rin out of your mind. You can’t think of him right now, you had to do this for your family. He was your friend, so he should understand. And eventually, though slowly and painfully, that silly crush you have on him will disappear.

However, the more you repeat that to yourself, it sounds like you were just desperately trying to convince yourself of that.

As you begin to walk with Kirari to the table, you speak again, “Are there any of these you specifically want me to start reading first?”

“Well…,” You watch as Kirari pulls out a deck of cards from her pocket, “I think it would be so boring to pick it out normally. Wouldn’t you agree?”

“W-well… I don’t exactly agree. I prefer—“

“(Y/n)!? (Y/n)!? Where are you?!”

“Ibara?” You whisper out, startled as you turn around to the door behind you. After a couple of minutes of more shouting, you see the knob of the door shake, “(y/n)? Are you in there?!”

“Uh—“

You freeze as you feel Kirari wrap her arms around your waist from behind.  “Come on, let’s hurry (y/n). They haven’t noticed us yet but we have no time to waste. They could possibly come interrupt us at any time…. and you wouldn’t want that, would you?”

As you feel Kirari’s words sink in, you realize you had to get this done with, rather quickly as well. Meaning, it would take too much time to look through each individual packet, “No…I wouldn’t want that…”

“Good… Come, I’ll explain the game. It’s rather simple.”

You, almost in a trance like state, watch as Kirari shuffles the deck of cards and place them randomly over the table.

“You will slowly pick the cards one by one until a single one remains. Each card represents the matching life plan it is attached to.”

“It’s a fun game of fate!” Confused by the sudden new voice, you see Yumeko entering from the other side of the room from another door. As Yumeko makes her way in front of you, she instantly wraps her hands around yours before speaking again, “Oh (y/n), it will be so much fun! You have to play!!”

“W-what…? I mean, I already am. I have to after all.” You inform the girl, pulling your hands from hers to make your way to the table. You, at first, are shocked that she wanted you to continue but soon realize this was Yumeko Jabami. She was mentally insane and if she could, she would happily switch places with you instantly.

Hesitantly, after shaking your thoughts out of your head, you begin to pick up cards to get rid of. No real pattern in mind.

“(Y/n), be careful not to go too fast. You have to enjoy the process!” Yumeko exclaims, watching intently as you already give Kirari half of the deck that you have collected. “Unless, you are really just leaving it up to fate and luck…? Oh, that would be so fun! (Y/n), you really are a genius!”

“(Y/n)? (Y/n)!” You freeze as you hear someone else burst into the room. Nervously turning around, you spot Ibara and Miroslava at the doors. “She’s over here! Ibara quickly, go grab Rin!!”

As Ibara runs off, Miroslava makes her way to your side, “Kirari this gamble is over with! (Y/n) isn’t taking part in this anymore!”

“B-but Mir—“ “I’m pretty sure (y/n) can speak for herself, Miroslava.”

“You manipulative—“

“(Y/n),” As Miroslava bickers with Kirari, you hear Yumeko approach you from behind, “The President wanted me to tell you that if someone tried to interrupt the game, that you can instead just pick a single card from the rest.”

“O-oh Okay…”

As you reach out to grab a random card near you, you can’t help but feel yourself freeze. Why can’t you just grab it?

Almost in disgust you draw the hand back.

“Don’t worry (y/n). You just have to pick the card that calls to you!”

“The card that calls to me?” As you walked around the table, you didn’t understand what Yumeko meant. The card that called to you? But, they were all the same… none of the life plans were exactly what you wanted either.

After circling the table again, finally one of them catches your attention. There wasn’t anything special about it. There were no scratches, chips, or folds that would draw it to you. But, for some reason, you felt like you needed to pick that one.

Shakily, you pick up the card and hold it close to you. You know you should go give this to Kirari to get this over with but you felt rooted in place. Was this the one you chose? Actually,...

Were you making the right choice to begin with?

“Did you choose one (y/n)?” Yumeko asks from somewhere behind you.

“I-I don’t know… T-this…” You feel yourself suddenly getting choked up as you looked down to the card. You didn’t want to be a wife of some random attractive man with a peaceful happy life…

….You suddenly realized you wanted to be Rin’s.

The egotistical smiley boy that you had an enormous crush on. The one that takes every opportunity to find a way to make you flustered or choked up. The boy you now realize isn’t just a helpless crush but instead someone you have fallen head over heels in love with. The boy you likely—

“(Y/n)...” You are shocked as you are suddenly forcibly turned around.

It took you a second to realize it was in fact him with his normally neat hair pushed out of place and his uniform crooked and crinkled but you soon realize, Rin was right in front of you.

“Rin… I—,“ You stop speaking as you feel him shakily wipe a tear off your face. He looked at you with concerned eyes before glaring at the card in your hand. “H-hey. I—“

You can’t do anything but watch as he angrily grabs the card out of your hand and rips it apart. Taking the card scraps, he throws them up in the air towards Kirari.

“I swear… if you EVER come near me or (y/n) again!”

“Rin, calm down.” Miroslava states as she places a hand on Rin’s chest to stop him from approaching Kirari. Who looked quite amused with his unusual reaction. “Just take (y/n) and—“

“Oh, you picked the 2 of hearts Life Plan (y/n)?” Kirari states, trying to rile up Rin more as she picks up the corner scrap of the card. “I don’t believe I remember who that is… perhaps it was the son of a big medical center? He’s only a year older than you and is quite rich and handsome.”

“What the fuck are you going on about?” Rin barks out, confused at what she was talking about. Only to get angrier as Kirari lets out a laugh.

“Here. Why don’t you take a look for yourself?” Kirari states as she chucks one of the packets at his feet. He hesitantly grabs it up from the ground and begins to flip through it as Miroslava and Ibara, who had finally walked up to the two, look over his shoulder.

“What the fuck…” Ibara whispers out in disbelief before reading out loud was written on the page to make sure he wasn’t seeing things, “(Y/n) (L/n) will marry the youngest son of a computer company. She will get pregnant right after her wedding at age 19 and will have her first of 3 sons born that following year…”

Kirari can’t help but laugh as she watches the three’s expressions turn even angrier as they flip further and further into the packet. However, instead of addressing them, Kirari turns her attention to you. Making you feel as if you freezed on the spot from her icy blue eyes, “Come here (y/n). Let’s see what life plan you picked out. I want to see if I’m correct—“

“Oh hell she isn’t—!“

Miroslava and Ibara quickly grab onto Rin as he attempts to stop Kirari from grabbing the 2 of hearts' life plan.

“Rin! You can’t attack her, she’s from the main family remember? We can’t lay a physical finger on her!” Ibara mutters out, trying to remind his brother of the rules set in place by the clan.

“I-I don’t care about that! Let me g—“

“RIN! Enough!” Everyone turns their attention to Terano who was currently being wheeled into the room by Yumi. Even she wasn’t attempting to keep a calm persona as you could clearly see a scowl on her face. “(Y/n) hasn’t accepted the life plan yet so she isn’t obligated to follow it. So, calm down.”

Rin freezes under her words but It’s quiet for a couple of seconds before he finally speaks; in a rather bitter tone as well, “Fine…but you better have a plan in mind, Terano.”

“I do. Don’t worry about it.” Terano answers letting a small sigh out as she finally relaxes, “(y/n).”

You jolt a little as Terano suddenly calls you. However, you can’t bring yourself to look at her in the eyes as she is wheeled closer to you, “(y/n)... look at me please.”

Hesitantly, almost like a child who was scolded, you look at her, “We aren’t mad at you. We just don’t get why you would go through this extreme way of getting money when we could easily let you borrow some. I doubt helping support your mother a little would cost that—”

“T-that’s the thing! It’s not going to be a little, Terano.” You blurt out before quickly shutting up once you realize you cut her off. Terano, however, doesn’t look offended in the least.

“What do you mean (y/n)? Please, continue.”

“W-well, my father not only made most of the money in our family but also protected us since we live in a not so great area. Not only would it take my mother about a year or two to get back on her feet in terms of financial situation but someone could easily just come by and steal the money you give to my family.” You explain to the others in the room who seemed to finally realize what you were getting at.

“But, that wouldn’t cost us that much would it?” Ibara asks, trying to still figure out why it was still a problem.

“Well kind of, the basics (y/n)’s family would need is to buy food, pay bills and rent, and other necessities, which we could pay for. The problem comes with things like having security and perhaps unknown debts made by her father. Those would definitely end up stacking up over time.” Miroslava explains to Ibara, who nods at her in understanding, before she continues, “Which makes sense why she would come to Kirari. Not only did Kirari already offer (y/n) a chance of more money, she offered enough that she guaranteed (y/n)’s family to move up in terms of wealth. So, (y/n) not only could skip asking us to support her but she could possibly move to a new apartment or house in a safer area and skip having to pay the necessities of security.”

“Oh I see…” Ibara says before jolting up as he sees Rin suddenly move forward towards you. He quickly grabs his brother before he can move too far away, “Rin! Let’s have Terano handle this.”

Rin turns around to give Ibara a nasty glare, “Ibara, I’m not going to sit around here and do nothing! The Obami family easily has enough money to move (y/n)’s family out of that bad apartment as well as support them.”

“That’s where you are not thinking Rin.” Miroslava states as she steps in to intervene with the brothers’ conversation. “It might be enough to pay for now but think about what will happen towards the end of the election. All of us, especially you, will need a lot of money to pay for those leftover votes people are holding onto.”

“Yeah but it’s fine. I can—“

“Rin. Miroslava’s right. If we pay too much money and some of the other branch families find out the Obami family is low on money, it could cost us. Likely, we could get devoured.”

“But—“ “Oh my, Fate can’t be funny at times…”

The three stop bickering as they hear Kirari speak suddenly and quickly notice she was flipping through the life plan you had picked up. As Kirari walks over to give it to you, Rin has to grit his teeth to stop himself from attacking her.

“Kirari—“ “You were the one to interrupt our gamble, Terano and for the second time today that is. You know…That could possibly get you in a lot of trouble.” Kirari threatens Terano, giving her a look that told Terano she was done playing silly games.

“Ah please don’t! It was my fault, Kirari.” You voiced up, not wanting the possibility of Terano getting booted out of the election. Thankfully, Kirari seems to listen and turns her attention back to you.

“Okay then, if you truly are sorry (y/n). Then, please accept your life plan.” Kirari tells you, using your own words against you. As she passes the life plan into your shaking hands, Rin can’t hold it in any longer and walks over to you two.

“Kirari! Stop this, now.” Rin says, putting a hand on Kirari’s shoulder. Only for her to swat it off like it was some pest.

“Stop what? I know I haven’t done anything wrong. (Y/n) came up to me about this offer, you all are just interfering.”

“That’s only because you put that thought in her head in the first place! In the whole time I have been here, (y/n) looks like she just wants to bolt out of here but is only kept here by the false reassurance you give her! I—“

“I’m not giving her false reassurance. I’m telling her the truth and what she needs to hear.” Kirari interrupts, a smile on her lips as she grabs the Life Plan from your hands, “Her reasoning behind this thing is so simple and straight to the point, I’m surprised you haven’t figured it out yet.”

“What are you talking about? I get that she doesn’t want to cause me—“

“Ah, ah, ah.” Kirari says, tutting her finger back and forth in front of Rin, “I’m not talking about that, I’m talking about her inner feelings. The ones that mostly drove her to her current decision.”

You feel your stomach drop at what Kirari was talking about. She doesn’t know about— S-she couldn’t possibly know about your feelings for Rin. And even in the off chance she did, she wouldn’t reveal it to everyone right now,... would she?

“Her inner feelings?” Rin mutters out, confused as his eyes flash to your figure.

“Do I really have to spell this out for you? (Y/n), is in love with you. To her, you were more important than herself. So she simply couldn’t afford to hold you down, possibly costing you this election.”

You feel your stomach drop as it becomes dead silent. You can’t bring yourself to look up from your feet at Rin. You just couldn’t risk the chance of looking at his face and see the possible reaction of disgust or disappointment. As the silence goes on, embarrassment begins to come in waves throughout your whole body. Enough to almost bring you to tears.

You can’t help but choke on your labored breath as you see Rin’s shoes enter your view, “(Y/n)... look up at me…”

You instantly shake your head from side to side. You just couldn’t, couldn’t.

“(Y/n)... Please…” Rin asks again, his cold hands reaching up to grab your warm flushed face. Quickly, you grab his hands to stop him from pulling your head up.

“S-stop Rin. Please… it’s o-okay that you don’t have feelings for me. Don’t feel p-pity on me.” You choke out, starting to struggle on trying not to cry. It’s quiet for a couple of seconds as Rin still struggles to force your head up. Eventually, he seems to give up as he pulls his hands away from your face with a small sigh, “K-Kirari. I will accep—“

However it seems you are proven wrong as before you can finish your sentence to Kirari, Rin picks you up. With both arms wrapped around the back of your thighs, you are forced to hold onto his shoulders for support so you don’t fall forward.

“There you are…” Rin mutters out as he looks up at you, finally able to see your face. He gives you a small smile before jokingly saying, “How many times have I told you to stop jumping to conclusions before you even hear the answer, (y/n)?”

You bite your lip and turn your gaze away from him, “You do the same thing…”

“True but that’s not what we should be talking about right?”

It goes dead quiet as you choose to not answer him.

“…Can you at least look at me…, please?” Rin gently speaks out, basically begging at this point for at least something that confirmed you were listening to him.

“Okay… What should we be talking about then?” You mumble out, hesitantly turning your gaze back down to Rin. Which from what you can see makes him a bit more happier.

“Well first, I should tell you that I… I Love you as well.” Rin confesses. However, instead of making your heart flutter like it should, it makes it ache instead. Balling your hands into fist on Rin’s suit jacket, you can’t help but close your eyes to try to calm yourself down.

“Please Rin…” You say to him, your voice broken and begging him to knock it off, “Please don’t lie about something like this…”

“I’m not lying (y/n). I would never, ever, lie about something like this.” Rin rebuts instantly. Making you open your eyes in shock as he suddenly places you down on one of the tables. You would have ended up falling backwards if it wasn’t for him grabbing onto your shoulders, “(y/n), I’ll admit right now, In front of everyone and you, that I’m a greedy son of a bitch. S-so, If you go and take that life plan, I will make it my life mission to scam that guy’s family out of so much money that it forces him to let you go. Just because, you drive me insane to the point I want to keep you all to myself.”

“H-hey you shouldn’t do that Rin. I—“

“It’s illegal? I could get in trouble? (Y/n)... my whole family business is illegal. We devote our lives to scamming people out of their money and precious items. And, If someone from the Obami family wants something, we will most definitely find a way to get it.” You can’t help but keep silent as you allow Rin’s words to soak in. He wouldn’t actually go through with that right?

“(Y/n), Think of it this way,” Yumeko suddenly speaks up. Your eyes trained to her as she make her way next to Kirari before speaking again, “You can either not take the life plan and run the risk of Rin not being allowed to pay for those leftover votes students will be holding on to at the end…”

You watch in bewilderment as Kirari passes the Life plan to Yumeko.

“...Or, you can accept the life plan you have chosen and we open it up here in front of everyone. Allowing Rin to see who it is and having him make it his life goal to destroy your arranged husband’s life and steal you back from him! …(Y/n)!”

You jolt up in surprise as Yumeko and Kirari look at you with crazed looks in their eyes.

“(Y/n)! It’s essentially a gamble! Will you choose to run the risk of Rin failing his dreams or have your arranged husband being devoured by the Obami family?! The decision of two people’s lives are in your hands!”

You look at the two in bewilderment before struggling to spit out, “You can’t be serious! Rin wouldn’t actually…”

As you turn back to look at Rin, your voice dies in your throat. He had the same crazed look as the other two as he stared down at you. Noticing you are already shaken up, he decides to push it further by leaning down to place a kiss on the corner of your lip.

“(Y/n)...,” Rin whispers out as he pulls away, his kiss making a tingling feeling resound through the surface of your lips as you stare frozen into his eyes, “I hope that with whatever decision you make, you are ready to be stuck with me because…”

Rin tilts his head to the side slightly so he can lean in again.

“...I’m never letting you go…”  

As Rin captures his lips with yours, he had only intended to give you a small kiss to signify his promise but found himself wanting, craving, more. Pulling one of his hands up, he entangles it in your hair so that he can lean in further to deepen the kiss.

After a couple of more seconds of kissing you, Rin finally pulls away. He can’t help but gulp at the dazed out expression you give him. He wanted nothing more than to swoop in to give you another kiss but knew he couldn’t. He needed to calm down from the crazed adrenaline rush running through his veins and wait for you to not be as frightened by all this madness.

“So, (Y/n)...” Terano’s voice suddenly rings out. As you look at her, it seemed her and Yumi were the only ones not with a crazed expression on. “What’s your choice?”

“I-I…” You look at the Life plan and gulp. To you the decision was obvious but you still couldn’t get rid of the feeling of your stomach twisting and turning, “I choose… to take the life plan…”

Your stomach can’t help but drop more in guilt. Not only for the fact of allowing yourself to some other man but also allowing whoever was in that plan, life to be ruined…Devoured,... by the Momobami clan.

“You sure?” Kirari asks, wanting you to repeat yourself with more confidence on the gamble you were taking.

“Yes, I don’t want Rin to lose his spot in the election. So, I’m going to choose the life plan.”

“Okay…Yumeko.”

Yumeko turns her attention to the President, a small innocent look on her face.

“Would you do the honor?”

“Of course!” Yumeko shouts out, her expression going back to pure crazed delight. “Ready (y/n)?”

Your voice suddenly feels lost as you watch Yumeko adjust her grip on the life plan, leaving you with no other option than to nod your head as a sign of confirmation. As you watched what felt like Yumeko opening the first page of the life plan in slow motion, your heart was practically thumping out of your chest. Who could it possibly be?

You take your eyes away from the life plan for a moment to look at Rin. You just hoped whoever it was it wasn’t someone at the school. Rin and the other -Bami’s would make their life here a living hell.

Suddenly, Rin’s calm face turned to one of surprise and then, weirdly, he laughed.

“Huh?” You can’t help but let out, unable to understand why he did that until you turned back to Yumeko, “W-wait.. what-t?”

“Holy shit!” Ibara yells out, unable to help himself as he comes up to ruffle your hair, “Look like your my sister in law now, huh?”

“B-b-but… how?” You say in disbelief as you continue to stare at the life plan. Starting to finally coming to terms that you weren’t going insane and that Rin’s school profile picture was in fact staring back at you.

“That is a good question…” Ibara mumbles out, both him and Rin looking at Kirari confused, “How did you get our old man to accept this, Kirari? I can understand if it was me but Rin’s the family heir. He normally wouldn’t allow this kind of stuff.”

Kirari lets out a light laugh, “True, Mr. Obami really didn’t want to accept my proposal when I called him. He almost hung up on me when I told him how (y/n) had nothing to her family name…But...”

Kirari pauses for a second, almost as if she was trying not to laugh, “But, once I explain how (y/n)’s family had a generally healthy medical background and how (y/n) would be able to produce many healthy children in the future. He reconsidered as long as she and her family lived at the Obami family estate so he can keep an eye on (y/n) and teach her a couple things.”

You let out a small groan as you hide your face in Rin’s neck. Purely embarrassed about the fact that's the reason your future in-laws were going to allow you to marry their son. Talk about a first impression…

“Sounds like your father…” Terano sighs out as she looks at Rin and Ibara who are both trying not to laugh.

“Well, on the bright side (y/n), you really lucked out! You got everything you wanted!” Yumeko tells you as she happily passes the life plan off to Rin.

“What do you mean?” You asked confused, sending a quick glare Ibara’s way as he snickers at something written down in the life plan.

“Well, obviously you got to be with Rin and avoided causing someone else’s life to be destroyed by him.” Yumeko explains, holding up one hand to signify the obvious before holding up her other hand to explain the other thing she was getting at, “But, you also gained the thing you were fighting for. With your family forced into moving in the Obami estate, Rin doesn’t have to pay for any of your life expenses that you were so worried about.”

“Oh yeah…” You mutter out as you take a glance up at Rin who was still reading the life plan. You really did end up lucking out. There’s really no downfall in this exact scenario.

“Hey Kirari…” Ibara suddenly speaks up. Based on his expression, it looked like he was thinking something hilarious. Which isn’t always the best when it comes to Ibara, “I think you got something wrong here.”

“Oh?”

Ibara's expression gets even worse as he tries to hold back his laughter before continuing, “Yeah. I doubt (y/n) and Rin are going to have their first kid at 20 when dad is going to likely room them together!”

At Ibara’s inappropriate comment, you can’t help but smack him.

“Ibara!”

“Booooo! That was bad”

“Ibara, That was way too inappropriate!”

“Hey! Come on guys… that was actually— Hey wait don’t leave!”

…You were wrong, there was always a downside to something. One of them being the fact you had to live the rest of your life listening to the Obami brother’s teasing.

[the-knight-of-the-stars]

Spider-Man: No Way Home leaked trailer transcription

Note: The trailer is in terrible, terrible quality, in both image and audio, is a phone recording a phone, recording a phone, some scenes seem strangely cut, and most of the action scenes are unfinished, whithout CGI and with the green screen. So, bare with me, is likely I´m wrong in various things, but is the very best I could do. Also, it obviously was spoilers from the trailer.

----------------

*Peter and Mj laying down on a roof. MJ is reading a newspaper to Peter*

MJ: Oh, this is a good one. “Some suggest that Parker´s powers include the male's spiders ability to hypnotize females”

Peter: Stop, come on…

MJ (making a voice): Yes, my spider-lord

Peter: Can we just like stay here all day, it is so crazy down there

*Footage of what looks like the  post-credit scene from Spider-Man: Far from Home or a new scene taking place right after, where we see Peter holding MJ while they swing through the city using Spider-Man´s webs*

J Jonah Jameson: … that Spider-Man is in fact Peter Parker

*Scene of Peter in some sort of interrogation room, police station, or office of some kind, being questioned by a man*

Peter: Lisen to me, I did not kill Mysterio, the drones did

Man interrogating him: The drones that are yours?

(This part is very difficult to understand, I did my best, but is likely that MJ´s dialogue is wrong in this part)

MJ: …  a part of you that isn't totally into battle lose?

Peter: What do you mean?

*Footage of Peter MJ and possibly Ned, walking into a place (maybe school) surrounded by people staring (and perhaps shouting to them, is unclear) and what seems to be MJ taking Peter´s hand out of fear*

MJ: Now that everybody knows, you don't really have to hide or lie to people

Peter: For the record, I never wanted to lie to you. How do you tell someone that you are Spider-Man?

*Scene of Peter in his room, I believe in a video call with MJ, and that's where the previous dialogue comes from. Next, very bad image, but it seems to be Spider-Man with someone in a black suit, on top of a building*

Peter: Now everybody knows…

*Peter walking in what now looks more clearly to be the school hallway and people staring, he seems to be alone this time*

Peter: And this isn't about me, this is hurting a lot of people

*Separated scenes of Ned and Aunt May inside of what looks like an interrogation room. Next, we see Peter alone in what is allegedly a classroom, he looks at the ceiling, where there are what seems to be Halloween decorations*

Peter: I´ve just been thinking about how to fix all of this…

*Marvel Logo on the screen. Next, we have images of the Sanctum Santorum and Peter entering it. The inside of the Sanctum is apparently covered in snow. Doctor Strange appears on screen, he is wearing his cape and what looks like winter clothing *

Doctor Strange: So Peter, what do I owe the pleasure?

Peter: I'm sorry to bother you, sir…

Doctor Strange: Please, we saved half the universe together, I think it would be odd if you call me sir

Peter: Ok, Steven…

*Awkward silence*

Doctor Strange: That feels weird but I´ll allow it

*Very bad image again, but it looks like Peter running from something or someone, in what could be his school´s cafeteria*

Peter: … Mysterio revealed my identity, an entire flight of guys suited up (terrible audio again, I did my best but is likely this dialogue is also wrong)

*Images of Peter in the Spider-Man suit, again being surrounded by people shouting, this time they look angrier, in one part it looks like he is with MJ*

Peter (to Doctor Strange): I don't know, maybe you could make sure that he never did?

*Doctor Strange sitting, apparently doing some magic, and Wong shows up*

Wong: Strange, don't cast that spell, it's too dangerous

Doctor Strange: Fine, I won't…

*Wong leaves and Doctor Strange looks at Peter, or smiles, or winks at him, is unclear. Next, we see him taking Peter to a darker place, maybe at the basement of the sanctum, and to start casting a spell*

Doctor Strange: Our world is about to forget that Peter Parker is Spider-Man…

Peter: Wait, everyone?

*Doctor Strange continues to do the spell, he seems to be drawing several rings in the air around them with magic*

Peter: Can some people still know?

Doctor Strange: That´s not how the spell works…

Peter: What if I start to forget everything I've ever went through?

Doctor Strange: Stop staggering with the spell…

Peter: Oh my god, Ned. He is my best friend… No, my Aunt May should really know…

Doctor Strange: Stop talking!

*Doctor Strange starts to scream, looks like he can't hold the spell, and the rings of magic around them get out of control and seem to transport them somewhere. The scene reminds the Doctor Strange's movie, when The Ancient One shows Strange the infinite dimensions, with colors flashing. The magic suddenly stops, as if they had been transported somewhere or the magic just stopped*

Peter: What just happened?

*Some purple letters appear on screen, is very hard to see what they say, even less in what language it is*

Doctor Strange: We tempt only on this space-time, multiverse is a concept of which we know everything we will… (This is a difficult one too, the first part of the dialogue is confusing, and the part after concept seems to be cut, like part of the footage between “concept” and “of which” is missing)

*We see Peter jumping from a building, in a scene, it looks like he is on the mirror dimension of Doctor Strange, or it could be just the camera angle. Peter starts falling from the sky and goes through a cloud, landing in a place where there is yellow and orange smoke or clouds or some sort of explosion. It is also possible that when he goes through the cloud he actually crosses a portal because we hear a little blop when he does goes through it*

*Next we see someone, very likely Doctor Strange, trapping Spider-Man with some kind of metal bars*

Doctor Strange: The problem is you, turning into two different lives…

*A scene of Doctor Strange hitting Peter in the chest and sending him to an astral projection like we have seen The Ancient One do to Strange and Hulk in previous movies. Next, we see a scene of Spider-Man in the Iron-Spider suit, in front of a bay*

Doctor Strange: The longer you do it the more dangerous it becomes…

*Footage of what looks like a window maybe (?, the room illuminated by an orange light. Next, we see a man in the front seat of a car, behind him we can see the same orange light. A scene of what looks like a flash of lightning striking somewhere. Next, what I think is a bridge with cars, or just a driveway, and what looks like a portal opening from above the cars. The same location is shown from other angles, and we see an explosion happens on the place*

Someone: Be careful what you wish for, Parker… (some people think it sounds like Doctor Strange, and some say it sounds like Willem Dafoe/Green Goblin. I really can't tell, it could be Doctor Strange, but it does sound raspier than his usual voice)

*Scene of Peter next to a car, with his suit on, looking at something, MJ seems to be inside the car. A metal tentacle comes out of what I think is water. Finally, Doctor Octopus, played by Alfred Molina, appears on screen*

Doctor Octopus: Hello, Peter…

*We close with a take of Peter, in the Spider-Man suit, reacting while he is on top of a car. Spider-Man: No Way Home logo appears, and the video cuts*

[mercy-burning]

A Fire I Can’t Put Out (Songbird Chapter 2)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader Summary: One week later, a chance encounter leads Reader and Spencer to each other once again. Rating: 18+ Warnings: Smut (exhibitionism, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie, thigh riding, male masturbation, fingering, oral sex - male and female receiving, multiple orgasms), Language Word Count: 10k (I got really carried away lol)

SERIES MASTERLIST SERIES PLAYLIST (new songs added with the release of each chapter)

NOTE: Alas! Our first inkling of fluff! While this chapter is very spicy (you get 2 smut scenes 😉), there’s also a very cute, fluffy moment at the piano that I hope you all enjoy! (Just thinking about it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside...) See you on Valentine’s Day for Chapter 3! 🥰

(Also, everyone should listen to the song I added to the end, it’s BEAUTIFUL and I changed the song/title of the chapter to match it last minute, because I just discovered it and it was too perfect not to use lol)

***

The note felt like it was burning a hole in my pocket. It may have one time been a crumpled receipt, but now it was a searing reminder of the one time in my life that I'd broken my own rule and allowed a man to stay. It hummed ferociously, screaming at me to do everything in my power to find him again and finally learn his name at the very least.

Because that was the thing that bugged me the most. I thought that by refusing to learn his name that night, I would save myself the potential attachment, but it turns out all that did was make me even more attached to him.

I tried to convince myself over and over that it was just because he fucked me so good I thought I hurdled through space and time, and not because he was incredibly gorgeous, respectful, and pretty much downright perfect. Maybe it was all of those things rolled into one perfect, blissful night that was meant to be just that—a one-night stand. The one-night stand, if you will.

But no matter what I tried to tell myself, my thoughts always drifted back to him. S...

What could his name be? Steven? Sam? Scott? Sonny? Saxon?

I didn't want to think about it anymore. Maybe his name didn't even start with S... Maybe he meant it to mean Stranger. That was possible, right?

That was probably it. That had to be it, otherwise I was going to lose my mind trying to figure it out when there was a high chance I was never even going to see him again.

My fingers drifted over the piano keys and tried to play anything, anything from memory, anything from scratch? God, just play something... And when I finally did feel my fingers press down into the keys, I didn't register what the song was until I was singing the words.

"Say you'll remember me..."

"No!" I slammed my hands on the keys and then leaned forward on my elbows, resting my head in my hands as the loud array of notes faded into the bright, morning air. I took a deep breath and started to laugh to myself. "What the hell, Y/N..."

He wanted to be remembered, right? He wanted me to remember him. And by leaving the first letter of his name—and a note in the first place—that surely meant that he hoped I'd see him again, right? Or that I'd try to find him? Maybe that was his subtle way of telling me he'd be at the bar for the next open mic night, just in case I decided to show up again.

Or, maybe he was just being a decent human being, Y/N, you know shit like that doesn't happen in real life. Don't fucking fall for it.

I sighed and hit random keys on the piano again before getting up and deciding to take a drive.

When even music didn't take my mind off anything—which was almost never—driving always seemed to do the trick. Sure, there was usually more room for thinking when it came to driving, but for me, it was almost panic-inducing if I wasn't giving the road my full, undivided attention. It's not that I was bad at driving, but I certainly wasn't great at paying attention unless I was fully committed. Since I didn't want to seriously injure myself or die in a car wreck, I found that the best option to get my mind off of anything that was troubling me was to just drive.

It hadn't failed me yet, but maybe this would be the thing that finally sent me flying off a bridge and into a river.

I promptly decided not to think about that.

While I was going out I figured I'd stop by the coffee shop on my way out of town, that way I'd at least have a nice iced coffee to indulge in while I just wandered around. I made sure my driving playlist was downloaded to my phone before also grabbing my bag and keys, and then leaving the apartment.

***

"Hi, I'll take a large vanilla iced coffee, please."

"Will that be all?"

I smiled at the barista, whose nametag read Reyna. "Yes."

"Okay, your total is $3.50."

After handing her a five-dollar bill and putting the change in the tip jar, I stood on the other side of the counter to wait for my order and scrolled through my phone as the next person came up and ordered. It didn't take long, which I was more or less thankful for, but when I turned around, I ran right into someone's back and almost dropped my coffee.

"Whoa! I'm so sorry!"

I instinctively looked down to make sure I didn't spill anything, or that the person I ran into didn't spill anything, and when I finally looked up to apologize to their face, I froze and almost dropped my coffee anyway.

There was no fucking way.

"Hey, Stranger," he said almost nervously, his cheeks flushed.

I wasn't sure when I actually answered, but it seemed like forever because I was just so shocked that I actually fucking saw him again. I truly didn't think in a million years I would live in a moment like this, but there I was, taking in this man in all his beautiful glory.

He was more dressed up than the last time I saw him, maybe for work, or maybe that's just how he dressed sometimes. Whatever the case, I didn't give a shit because it was hot as hell. The color of his corduroy jacket was the same as his eyes, which now that I could see him in better lighting were lighter than I remembered. Under it was a white dress shirt and some type of olive green vest. His hair was still messy and downright tug-able, light curls framing parts of his face. Which was currently in the process of taking me in as well.

I smiled at him, though I wasn't sure if it was coming off as too excited, revealing myself to him, or if it was underwhelming. Or maybe it was just right?

Oh, who cares, Y/N, just fucking say something back!

"Hey, yourself. I... can't believe I ran into you again."

My stomach flipped at the way he smiled back at me, like he was almost nervous to be in my presence. Like I would have shooed him away rather than acknowledge him. He was fucking nervous and I found it incredibly endearing. It was such a contrast to... that night. Once he gained confidence, he was really something... But even now he still was really something, just in a different way, as he visibly tried to find the right words to say.

Finally, he settled on, "Yeah, I... I didn't think I'd see you again. It's... a nice surprise."

Understatement of the century, I thought as I waited for him to speak again. His voice was so... I didn't know how to describe it, other than to say it was so fitting for him, and therefore it was perfect.

Was that weird? Was I being weird?

"Do, um... Do you want to sit down?" I offered, gesturing to the tables on the other side of the café.

"Oh, I don't want to keep you if you're busy, I—"

"Nah, I had nothing going on today, trust me." I gave him a wink as we started making our way to the sitting area. "Besides, Stranger, if we're gonna keep meeting like this, I'm gonna need to at least know your name, don't you think?"

He laughed a little before shrugging, waiting until we sat down across from each other to respond. "I don't know, I... I think I like hearing you call me Stranger. It has a nice ring to it."

We both took a sip from our drinks, our eyes never losing their contact. By the way his face turned even redder, I would have thought he'd look away first, but he didn't. I had to wonder if he didn't look away because he didn't want to, or if he couldn't. Either way, I liked it.

"So, Stranger, tell me..." I said, setting my drink down and folding my hands over the table. "You been thinking about me as much as I've been thinking about you lately?"

I could tell he hadn't been expecting that question, because for a second it looked like he was choking on his drink. He coughed before setting it down, though his hand never left the cup. "I— Y—you've been thinking about me?"

Suddenly remembering the note in my pocket, I scrambled to get it out. And as he looked at me, still shocked but a little puzzled now, too, I started to wonder if maybe it was a stupid idea. But there was no stopping it, now, because that would have been even more puzzling, not to mention embarrassing on my part.

I un-crumpled the note and held it in my hands, outward so he could see his handwriting. "I've been staring at this thing and carrying it around with me everywhere in my pocket for the past week, dude."

It looked like he was trying to hide a smile, and failing miserably at it. "So... Leaving the note was a good idea, then, huh?"

I smiled, though trying to hide it wasn't even an option. "Well, it certainly got me thinking about putting a name to the face... and the body... But in all honesty I think I would have been thinking about you regardless."

He studied me for a moment, and an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach just about sucker-punched me at the way he did it, his face softening and just getting lost in thought. Or me, though I didn't want to flatter myself. Even still, the thought of him being completely lost in my presence, in my just being here, discussing our brief past, was enough to tighten the knot in my stomach.

I couldn't tell if I liked that feeling or not.

Because while my body certainly seemed to like this uncharted territory, something tugged at the pant leg of my brain like a small child, looking up at me and saying with sad eyes that they wanted to leave and go home, back to the comfort and safety of what they already knew. And who was I to deny that?

But at the same time, I couldn't for the life of me let this man go. I wanted, ached to know more about him.

I was intoxicated, and it scared the ever-loving fuck out of me.

"Can I tell you my name?" His voice almost made me jump.

I considered it for a moment, before ultimately deciding that it would be a good small step to take. "Yes."

"Will you tell me your name?"

"Maybe."

We both smiled at each other for a few seconds before an idea came to my mind. He was about to tell me his name right then I think, but I held up my hand and leaned forward, tilting my chin up a little. "You know what... Before you tell me, I wanna know something... Have you ever fucked anyone in a public restroom?"

If he'd had any coffee in his mouth, it surely would have been all over the place right then. Instantly his eyes widened and he looked around the room as his cheeks flushed redder than I'd ever seen them. "What are you doing?" he gushed out really fast, almost refusing to look me in the eye.

"Giving you a deal. No one uses the restrooms here because people are always rushing in and out to grab coffee, or there's hardly anyone here to use them anyway. Bottom line is: we can easily be inconspicuous. So here's what I'm offering."

"This isn't a good idea—"

"You don't have to agree, obviously, but hear me out."

I waited for further resistance, but he just blinked at me, and I took that as my cue. "I'm gonna get up and walk to the women's room. You'll follow me after about a minute, and if you can make me cum twice then we can exchange names and numbers."

"We... We can do that without the exhibitionism, though, you know that, right?" He spoke as if anyone would be able to hear him if he wasn't quiet enough.

"Of course. But... I really haven't been able to stop thinking about you, and judging by the way you're shifting in your seat I can tell you're strongly considering taking me up on my offer. Because you haven't been able to stop thinking about me, either. And you really want to fuck me again, probably almost as much as I want to fuck you again. So what do you say?"

He still didn't speak, only stared at me, which left me to wonder what he was thinking. If anything, he almost looked a little petrified, so last minute I decided to take a little pity on him.

"Okay, new plan. I'm still going to go into the bathroom and wait a minute for you, two tops. I am gonna give you this, though..." I grabbed a napkin, a pen from my bag, and wrote my number down on it before sliding it to his side of the table. "I'll wait for you. If you don't want to go through with this, you can leave. But then you're gonna call me later, and we'll set a date to meet up if you want. How's that sound?"

I think he was completely overwhelmed by my ultimatum, because he still didn't say anything. Though this time he seemed... awed. Not necessarily as embarrassed as he was before, but more enchanted with the idea of what I was offering, the way I presented everything to him.

Figuring that was a good sign, I winked at him and made it a point to walk to the bathroom as seductively as I could without being too obvious.

Though, the further I got, and the longer I waited in the bathroom, the more I wondered if he'd already left the café. And then it started to dawn on me that I might have acted like an asshole, giving ultimatums to a man who was just trying to tell me his name. Why couldn't I have just let him tell me? We were right there, and I had to go ahead and turn it into a fucking game... And for what? So I could get laid? The thing is, I was so sure he liked me enough that after he told me his name we probably could have gone somewhere private and—

The door opened, and I was about to yell at whoever it was that someone was in the room already, but then I saw his face and felt myself relax.

"Hey, I'm... I'm sorry if I pressured you into doing this," I said sincerely, as he locked the door behind him. "We really don't have to if you don't want, I was... I was just trying to... I don't know, be mysterious or something? Which, I guess I can be, but I promise I'm not usually like this, and—"

"Hey, it's alright. I promise. Now... I don't mean to change the subject so quickly, but I do believe I owe you two orgasms. And I don't want us to get caught, so I'd like to get to it if you don't mind."

Holy fucking shit..

"You really know how to get a girl to shut up, Stranger," I said, grabbing him by the jacket and pulling him to me. I looked up into his eyes and smirked, walking us backwards until I hit the counter, just beside the sink. "How fast do you think you can get me there?"

A small smirk twitched at his lips before he surprisingly lifted me up and promptly sat me on the counter. "Depends... You gonna keep talking or are you going to let me do my job?"

The low tone in his voice was unlike anything I'd heard from him thus far, and it lit this fire in me that I didn't know I had. With a small, involuntary moan, I spread my legs wide and let him stand between them. He pulled me in for a long, hot kiss before dropping to the ground and wiggling me out of my pants. He ended up taking off my shoes, too, so he could slip my pants and underwear off my body completely. No sooner than they hit the floor did he get to work, his hands coming up to spread my legs once again, propping my heels up on his shoulders.

Unfortunately I couldn't keep myself from moaning out as he worked my pussy with his mouth, each long, wet drag of his tongue adding fuel to the fire he'd already kindled within me. I tried to bite my fist, hoping it would muffle some of the sounds, but it wasn't working.

I was thinking about calling the whole thing off and going somewhere we wouldn't get in trouble, when he seemed to have another idea.

Before I knew what was happening, my panties were shoved in my mouth, and my eyes were rolling to the back of my head as he slipped a finger inside of me with ease. In no time I felt my orgasm creeping up on me, every pump of his fingers and every quick, meticulous flick of his tongue on my clit getting faster and faster with each passing second. I shrieked into the ball of fabric as quietly as I could manage as I started to fall, clenching and shaking around him in record time.

Once I relaxed, he pulled himself away from me and stood up, licking his fingers clean and working at his belt as I stared at him with pleading eyes. I wanted to take the panties out of my mouth, but I knew that if I did I probably wouldn't be able to keep quiet. And the fact that he'd put them there in the first place, after so clearly being flustered at my suggestion to go have a quick fuck in a public restroom, completely turned me on and made me want him even more.

I did manage a pretty decent moan when he finally came forward and lined himself up with my waiting pussy. He smiled a little before leaning forward, never entering me but running his dick over it, coating himself with my arousal. He leaned his head in and brushed my hair from my neck before kissing it, and even softly biting me. If it was going to leave bruises, I didn't care. I welcomed every kiss, every lick and bite, and every slow, excruciating drag of his cock along my pussy.

He slid the tip of himself into me for a second before pulling out and moving my face with his hand, gripping my jaw and making me look at him. I whimpered at the loss of contact where I was clenching around nothing, patiently waiting for him, and also at the gain of our eye contact. I genuinely had no idea what he was going to do next, but I hoped it involved some semblance of a repeat of last time.

But once again, he surprised me, leaning forward and bringing his mouth to mine, ripping the panties from my mouth using his own. He leaned back, the pale blue fabric hanging from his teeth, and the sight drove me absolutely wild. It didn't help that he kept them in his mouth as he slapped my clit with his dick, and it took everything I had not to moan obscenely. He could tell, too, because he brought a hand to cover my mouth right as he pushed into me and held himself there.

He tossed his head to the side and dropped my panties on the ground, then ran his hands along the insides of my legs and rested them on my thighs. "I'll keep going as long as you keep quiet."

"You probably should have kept the panties in my mouth, then," I breathed, clenching myself around him and feeling him grip my skin tighter.

"Guess you'll just have to try and be quiet like a good girl, then, won't you?"

The whimper that escaped me was utterly pathetic. And I loved it.

Needing this to get going now, I reached forward and grabbed his hips, urging him to start moving, and thankfully he did. It was slow at first as we both just savored the feeling of being together like this again.

But in a matter of seconds all pleasantries were thrown out the window, and he slid his hands up to grip my waist as he pounded into me as quietly as he could. To ensure the skin-on-skin slapping wasn't too loud, he kept his thrusts short and staccato, but incredibly deep, setting my insides on fire and making me clutch onto the back of his ass for dear life. I tried so hard not to yell out that I was pretty sure my nails broke through his skin. He hissed out sharply, confirming that I was hurting him, so I let him go and opted to for gripping his shirt instead. I drew him closer, that way I could kiss him and feel all of him at once.

I might have also needed to find some way to keep myself quiet.

I moaned into his mouth as he kissed me back, every swipe of his tongue somehow managing to perfectly find a rhythm in tandem with his thrusts, despite how rushed and sloppy we were being.

It wasn't long before I felt myself start to fall apart, my hands clutching onto his jacket for dear life as my stomach started to knot. "Gonna cum, gonna cum," I murmured into his mouth, and he pulled away to kiss my neck.

My arms wrapped around him and pulled him as close to me as room would allow, right as my eyes squeezed shut and I saw stars, my second orgasm quick and intense. I mumbled little 'uh-huh's into his mouth as he fucked me through it, and when I was done, he pulled out, leaving me dazed but also confused.

It looked like it pained him to pull his pants up and tuck his still-hard dick away, so I reached out. "Why didn't you finish? We're in a bathroom, I can clean up just fine..."

"My orgasm wasn't part of the deal," he stated simply, straightening his clothes and trying to get comfortable.

"So, what, you're just going to walk around town with a boner?"

"No. It'll go away soon, I'll be fine." Once his clothes were all the way on, he reached into his jacket pocket, handed me a slip of paper—a business card it looked like—and kissed me quickly one more time. "Besides, the next time I cum inside you, I'd like to hear you saying my name."

And then he walked out of the bathroom without another word, grabbing my panties and shoving them in his jacket pocket as an afterthought before he disappeared.

I don't think I moved for a good minute or two before I finally looked down at the card and read his note. He must have written it down before he came in here.

Y/N, I heard them call your name at open mic night, and that's when I knew. I'm free tomorrow night. I hope you'll call. —Stranger

I turned the card over and saw his number, followed by his name.

Dr. Spencer Reid.

***

The second I got home, I ran to the bathroom and fixed my... problem... I wanted so badly back in the café to finish what I started, but I'd meant what I told her. I'd sighed her name out as I touched myself the few times since I'd met her, and I could only imagine what it would finally sound like to hear her say my name. I knew she could already tear me apart at her touch, but I wanted desperately to know if my name on her tongue would have the same effect.

I was almost positive it would, but I just needed to know.

It surprisingly didn't take long for me to finish, just the mere thought of her face and the way she looked at me as I shoved her underwear in her mouth enough to take me to the edge. And finally, when I felt them practically bruning a hole in my pocket, I tensed and sighed out her name, cum spilling out over my hand and into the toilet.

The orgasm should have calmed me down, should have relaxed me, but instead, as I cleaned up and changed into different clothes, I wondered if she would actually call me.

First of all, it was a wonder I'd ran into her at all. Truthfully, I didn't think I was ever going to see her again, and when I heard her voice call out an apology for bumping into me, I really thought I was dreaming. And yet, there she was, right in front of me in all her beautiful glory.

So when she offered to sit down with me, I couldn't say no. And when she asked, You been thinking about me as much as I've been thinking about you lately? ... I was pretty sure I couldn't breathe. I didn't tend to think of myself as the type of guy who would leave that good of an impression, so hearing her of all people say that sent my heart—and stomach—into a mess of flutters.

And though the confidence I had in my ability to flirt with women in any capacity was very slim, I must have done something right. Because when I picked up the phone later that night and heard a low, "Hey, Stranger," through the speaker, I couldn't stop smiling. "Or should I call you Doctor?"

***

"YN... I'm really glad you called."

Hearing him say my name for the first time did something to me I couldn't explain. The way he said it was innocent enough, but it still made me beam with excitement.

I was curled up on my couch, wrapped in a robe after my shower and having been contemplating whether or not to call all afternoon.

I didn't want to wait too long in case he ended up making other plans or something, but I was also apprehensive. Because as much as I wanted to keep seeing Spencer, I wasn't sure I could handle breaking his heart. That's what always happened, didn't it? I started seeing someone, things would be great for the first few months, and then as they fell more in love with me I fell more out of love with them. But even then I wasn't sure I could call it that, because I never fell in love with them in the first place. Not even gotten close to it.

Would... Spencer be different? It was hard to tell. He'd already made me feel things I'd never felt before, so maybe this time would be different.

Or maybe that would just make it hurt even more when I inevitably pushed him away.

But I didn't want to think about that. All I knew in the moment was that he intrigued me, and for the first time in my life I actually wanted to to be near him almost every second of the day. Even when I wasn't thinking about him, my body was buzzing with the aftermath of him. His entire being was so magnetic that I couldn't help but be drawn to him. Even if, ultimately, I knew it would end with one or both of us in shambles, I wanted it. I wanted him more than anything, to be with him, to see him smile, to hear him talk...

That little kid that was tugging on my pant leg earlier, warning me that it was time to go home, was screaming now. Scared for its life and begging for me to turn back.

And for some reason, against my better judgement, I ignored it.

"You really knew my name the whole time and didn't tell me?"

From the pause on the other end of the line, I could tell he must have been nervous. I could see him in my head, looking down at his twitching hands as he tried to find some explanation. "Um... Well, you said you didn't want to know names, so I... thought I'd keep quiet. I hope you're not mad about that..."

I smiled. "No, I'm not mad. It was nice of you." I paused a beat before changing the subject. "So, uh... Tomorrow night..."

"Oh... Yeah, I travel quite a bit for work, and I don't get many days off, but tomorrow night is the only time I'm free for a while. So I guess it was a good thing I ran into you when I did."

"Hmm... I guess you're right. In that case, I should probably take it easy on you. Wouldn't want to wear you out or anything."

He laughed a little, and warmth bloomed in my chest at the sound. I imagined seeing him smile, which made it fully blossom. "No need. You... You could wear me out any day."

"Careful what you wish for, Stranger. Time and place?"

"I can be by your place at 6? I'll even bring food if you want."

I paused, suddenly reminded of the screaming child again. This time it was yelling, "It's not safe! Don't let him in, please!"

But God damn it, I wanted to so bad...

"Uh, sure," I finally answered, playing with the hem of my robe anxiously. "You... remember where it is? As I recall, you were pretty nervous the last time you were here, and kind of occupied with... other things."

"Oh, I—I remember everything, pretty much. I know where to go, it's okay."

He didn't elaborate. I kind of wanted him to, but figured the less I knew about him the better. I was invested in him enough already, and knowing more would just plunge me in deeper than I was comfortable with. So, I told him, "Alright. If you need directions or anything though, let me know. Should I be... wearing anything in particular when you get here, Doctor?"

The line was silent, and I could picture that little shocked expression on his face, the one he got every time I said something suggestive that he wasn't expecting. It was cute. "A—Anything you want will be fine..."

I laughed and bit my lip, leaning back into the couch. "Okay... See you later then. Tomorrow night, 6PM."

"Tomorrow night. 6PM. Goodnight, Y/N."

My face felt warm and my stomach fluttered as I curled into myself and smiled into the phone. "Goodnight, Spencer."

What surprised me most about that night was that I didn't hang up right after. I waited. And waited, until he hung up, just in case he said anything else. And I think he was in the same mindset, because we sat in silence for a good fifteen seconds before I finally hung up, shaking my head and wondering if he thought that was weird.

As it turns out, he didn't.

About ten minutes later, as I was getting into bed, I got a text message that read: I hope you know that I always have your song stuck in my head. The one from the bar. I hope you'll sing to me again one day.

I promptly sent back: If you're a good boy for me tomorrow, I just might, and set my phone on my dresser, ignoring the way my heart swelled at his sentiment.

Sleep didn't come easily that night. And when I did finally drift off, my dreams were about Spencer.

***

Usually I was decently confident when it came to my 'date' outfits. I knew what looked good on me, and I knew what made other people go, "Holy shit," under their breath when they saw me, so it should have been easy. And to some degree it was, but with all these weird feelings I was having lately, I was second-guessing myself.

But no matter how badly I second-guessed my decision, I stuck with what I knew best, wearing a thin black long-sleeved shirt with a low neckline and form-fitting jeans that flared at the bottom. A necklace with a silver diamond that matched my belly-button ring sat nicely at my chest, right above my cleavage. I opted to leave my hair down in long, loose curls that curled away from my face, and framed my eyes with simple black eyeliner and mascara, leaving my lips alone with a peppermint chap stick. Remembering how Spencer had complimented and basically worshipped my hands, I accented them with a deep purple nail polish that almost looked black if there wasn't any light shining on them. I put on a few rings that matched my other body jewelry and wore a thin, braided rope bracelet that my sister made me for my thirteenth birthday. Since I didn't think we were going anywhere, I only wore black ankle-length socks, but kept a pair of simple black heeled boots by the door in case we did decide to leave.

As for my... undergarments, I chose a nice black lace set that I only brought out on rare occasions, and I felt like it fit. The material was sheer and lacy, and that was about it. It was simple, but sexy, and that's what I loved about it. And if I knew Spencer's taste as well as I thought I did, I was pretty sure he would love it, too.

And that fact alone was enough to snap me out of my worry.

Kind of. I mean, he was still coming to my apartment, and I was almost certain that he was going to look around and probably ask some questions about things. Which, normally wouldn't be a bad thing, and in a way it really wasn't, but it still made me nervous...

I just hoped that I could keep him occupied enough so that I wouldn't have to deal with it too much.

There was a knock at my door, and I was thankful, finally pulled out of my head and into the world around me. I got up and opened the door with a smile, leaning against it slightly and taking him in.

"Hey, Stranger," I drawled, giving him a wink as I stepped aside to let him in.

But he didn't come in. Not until he was done taking me in, of course. "You... Wow, uh, hi," he stammered, holding out a bag that had to be takeout. "You look great."

As he walked in, I shut the door behind him and looked at his backside before he turned around. "Speak for yourself."

He took off his shoes, which revealed one red striped sock and one purple and blue polkadotted one, which made me smile. He wore simple grey corduroy pants and a purple sweater that matched my nail polish almost perfectly. His hair was just as perfect as it was the last two times I saw him, rightfully messy and curly that made me want to skip dinner all together and get right to dessert.

I even told him as much.

"You're kinda making me want to skip dinner."

"Oh, we... We can eat after if you want to, I don't mind," he offered kindly. It was sweet.

I laughed and walked up to him, bringing my right hand up to run my fingers through his hair. Then I leaned up and kissed him hotly on the lips for a few seconds before pulling away and letting out a low 'hmmm'. "Probably a good idea, but I'm starving."

I turned and started to the kitchen, throwing back over my shoulder, "That okay with you?"

"Y—Yeah, of course."

I turned on the light above the table before pulling out a chair for him with a smile. "I didn't really eat much today, so takeout sounded really good. I hope you didn't have to go too far out of your way to grab it, otherwise I could have made something here."

He sat down and I went to the other side of the kitchen to grab forks and plates. "Oh! No, it was alright, it was on the way over. Plus, I guess I don't really mind the travel, since I already do so much of it."

"Right, you mentioned that," I confirmed, taking a seat across from him. My dining room table was small, since my apartment wasn't that big. Even sitting across from one another, if Spencer and I reached our arms out across the table, we would have been able to reach each other's shoulders.

"Hey, do you want anything to drink?" I asked. "I've got some white whine in the fridge, otherwise I also have water, milk, and I think some Sprite."

"Oh, uh... Water is fine, thank you."

As I got up to get it, he got out the food. "Not a drinker?" I wondered aloud, grabbing glasses and the pitcher of water from the fridge.

"Not really. I'll have one on occasion, but if I'm driving I like to steer clear."

So, he wasn't planning on staying the night, then... Ultimately that was a good thing, but a small part of me admittedly felt disappointed. Regardless, I didn't let it show. "Makes sense. I don't drink a lot either, but I've been known to have a good time occasionally. And I always need white wine in the house, that's a rule of mine."

I didn't see his smile, but I could feel it. Was that weird? Feeling a smile? I'd never been able to tell, never noticed that before, but right then I just knew it was there.

But maybe it was just the way he said, "Fair enough," that made me certain.

Whatever the case, I shook the feeling and made my way back to the table with full glasses of water.

We ate with few words between us, though occasionally Spencer would throw out a random fact about the origins of the food we ate, or we exchanged small stories of both of our inabilities to use chopsticks. It was nice, being able to eat with him and not have to talk about where I was from or what my family was like. I never liked sharing that much of myself with someone that soon, let alone at all, so I was thankful for the ease our conversation carried.

Though, at one point he asked, "So, you're a musician? Is it full-time?" And it stopped me in my tracks a little. I loved music, and I was definitely passionate about it, but again, it was so personal to me that for some reason my brain kept sending me signals to turn around and change the subject.

But it was an innocent question. And I used music to my advantage all the time, it wasn't a secret that I was good at it, so I could give him an answer. And I knew that I didn't have to tell him anything I didn't want to, so I just needed to get my shit together and stop worrying. I had to remind myself that not everyone was going to use the things I tell them to hurt me. Truthfully I don't know why I was so paranoid by that, because it never happened, but I chalked it up to just looking for any excuse to keep myself closed off.

I brushed off all the discomfort and doubt I had, and took a drink of water before answering truthfully. "It's not full-time, but I think I'd like it to be. I definitely love it enough, but whether I could handle the stress of being a full-time musician or not is... well, it has yet to be seen."

"Do you write your own songs?"

"Mhm. Have been since I could talk, really. But whenever I perform it's usually covers that everyone knows. Easier to get them excited, anyway."

Spencer smiled, leaning forward a little. "You know, actually I'd never heard the song you sang at the bar that night... That was a cover?"

"Yeah. You don't listen to the radio?"

"Not really. If it all sounds like that, I may have to start, though I'm pretty sure it's not."

I laughed a little. "You'd be right about that... Still, the radio has its merits. I'm a fan of more independent stuff myself, but I keep up to date with what's new. Kinda have to."

"Why's that?"

I chewed my lip for a moment before answering. "Well, I don't do it full-time since I have a day job, but on the side I've helped with writing and producing other peoples' stuff, and a lot of it is what you hear on the radio, so..."

"Oh, that's really cool," he mused, and his eyes gave away that he genuinely seemed impressed. I almost blushed at the sight. "Y'know, I'm sure if you did decide that you could handle the stress of being a full-time musician, everyone would love you."

I laughed again. "You've never even heard my stuff."

"I don't need to," he answered truthfully. "I've heard you sing, you're incredible. And you know how to produce and write music. And, if it's good enough to be on the radio, then I know you've got nothing to worry about."

He could have just been saying that to be nice, and if it wasn't so clearly written on his face that he really believed what he was telling me, I would have thought so. Heat crept up to my cheeks, and I smiled, telling him, "Thank you," before taking another drink of water to cool myself off.

We spent the rest of the meal talking about some of our favorite music, which was a nice way to end it. We had a decent discussion about classical music (He was surprised and I think a little turned on by the fact that I knew a lot of what he was talking about in that department), and as we cleaned up the dishes he happily told me about the story behind one of my favorite classical pieces (which I didn't know and was more than glad to learn).

And while we were on the subject of music, I took him over to my piano when we finished cleaning up, which sat under the only window in the main room of the apartment. The sun was setting, casting a soft orange glow over the sleek black of the piano. Since it was a small apartment, I couldn't have a 'fancy' piano like I wanted, so it was an electric one with a few settings to change the sound. I never messed around with it though, unless I was working on something for someone else. But even then, I did that work with other people in the studio, and not at home.

"Here, sit next to me," I said, patting the small space on the bench.

We barely fit together, but it gave us an excuse to be close to each other, which I think he liked. I know I liked it, at least.

"Are you gonna play something?" he asked. "I mean, you don't have to of course, I don't want to make you or put pressure on you or anything, but..."

"I wouldn't have brought you here if I wasn't going to play you something, Stranger," I said with a laugh, turning the piano on and nudging him with my shoulder. "Though, if you don't want me to, I can think of a few other things I could do for you instead..."

I looked up at him to see his face in a flush, and I smiled, my stomach knotting in that unfamiliar way again.

"Um... Maybe when you're done playing," he said finally, reaching out to ghost over the keys with his fingers.

"Do you play?" I asked, suddenly very warm, and turned on at the idea of watching his hands work around a piano.

"A little. I... I don't know much, but I'm a fast learner."

With a small smile, I grabbed his hand and placed his fingers over certain keys to make a chord. "There. Press all of those together," I told him.

He did, and a smile broke out on his face.

"C Minor," I said. "My favorite chord."

"You have a favorite chord?"

"What, you don't?"

"I... never really thought about it."

We laughed together for a few seconds before he played the chord again, this time tapping the pedal underneath to make it ring out longer. I looked up at him with a smile, right as he looked down at me with an even bigger one. And if I didn't know any better, I'd say we got closer, even though that was impossible unless I'd sat on him. Which I didn't do. Not right then at least.

No, I cleared my throat and messed around with a few keys, trying to decide what to play. Spencer removed his hands from the keyboard as I did it, and I could feel his eyes watching my movements. The thought sent more warmth through me, and I decided to go with something familiar.

My fingers settled on the right keys and started playing the chords to Wildest Dreams. And when I started singing, I swear I felt him melt beside me. It was different from the guitar performance, because at the piano I made it sweeter. My vocals weren't as strong, and I slowed it down to make sure I got everything perfect, but made it a point to look over to him occasionally, winking as I sang some rather sultry lyrics.

When I was done, I couldn't tell what he was thinking. He looked down at me, his eyes studying my face like he was going to kiss me, but he leaned away from me, like he was deciding against it. Finally though, he spoke.

"While I appreciate the performance, it completely juxtaposes the text you sent me last night."

I really didn't know what to say, mostly because I was having a hard time remembering what I texted. I would have been able to remember any other time, but in the moment I was just too entranced by his presence and the way he was staring at me. "W—What did I say?"

My hand was still on the piano, but I felt his reach out and lightly brush over it, caressing the lengths of my fingers. "You said you might sing for me if I was good for you... We haven't done anything yet, and you still sang for me anyway."

Oh, that...

I smiled, sliding my hand out from under his and dragging my middle finger along his own, up and then back down, over and over again. "Didn't you know that I can see the future?"

He looked amused. "Oh, really?"

"Mhmm..." I kept drawing lines up his middle finger, but leaned in closer to him. "And just before you got here, I saw that you made me cum three times."

He took a moment before leaning in closer and responding, his voice barely above a whisper. "You and your ultimatums..."

"It wasn't an ultimatum. It was the future."

Our faces got closer...

"Oh, okay. I believe you."

...And closer...

"Good."

My eyes fluttered closed as he kissed me, gently and with a care that was practically butterfly-inducing. I leaned into him further, finally moving my hand up his arm and snaking up to grab his hair. As his lips parted and his tongue gently swiped over my bottom lip, I climbed up onto his lap, placing my hands around his head to anchor myself to him. He used his to grab the piano in front of him, pushing us forward a little so we wouldn't fall off the bench. The mess of notes rung out loudly in the air, much like they had the day before, right before I went to the café and ran into him.

The coincidence of it all almost made me laugh, but the humor quickly dissipated before I could, because Spencer brought one of his hands to my lower back and groaned softly into my mouth.

I moaned right back, shifting my hips slightly so that I was straddling one of his legs. He spread them wider to give me more room, and I settled nicely, grinding down and almost whining at how little friction there was between the corduroy that adorned his leg and the denim that adorned mine. That didn't stop me, though. I rode his thigh as well as I could, relishing in the way his hand pushed me further into him and his kisses got deeper and more desperate.

Eventually, though, I had enough. I pulled my mouth away from his and clumsily got off of him, standing up and unbuttoning my jeans. He turned around and reached out to help, but I put a hand on his chest and pushed him back. "Stay right there. I'm gonna finish what I started, but I need to get these damn pants off first."

He didn't argue. I held eye contact with him up until I slowly tugged my pants down and stepped out of them, lifting up my shirt a little so he could see the underwear I was wearing. As expected, his eyes wandered south, and I could have sworn I saw his pupils dilate.

But I didn't give him a lot of time to take them in. I made good on my promise and climbed up on his lap again, wrapping my arms around his neck and biting my lip as I started to ride his thigh once more. I started off slow, pressing my forehead to his and enjoying how it felt when his hands firmly grabbed onto my ass. Our lips met again, slowly and yet, also just as desperate as they had before. And with each antagonizing slow roll of my hips, his kisses got bolder, and his hands kneaded my ass, urging me to go faster.

Thankfully for him, I was feeling just as desperate as he was. So I quickened my movements on his thigh and kissed him harder, taking his bottom lip in between my teeth and tugging it before tilting my head to the other side and kissing him again. Meanwhile I could feel that burning in my lower stomach that signaled a fast-approaching orgasm. So I ground myself onto him even harder and whined in his mouth, just before pulling away to speak.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum already," I breathed, pressing small kisses to his jaw.

Spencer squeezed my ass and leaned into my touch. "Go ahead, Y/N..."

It wasn't like he was giving me permission, but just hearing him say my name regardless sent me over the edge, and in no time I was shaking around his leg, clenching my own around him and clinging to his neck for dear life.

Once I came down, I sighed and smiled into his neck, kissing it and moving up to his ear. "Two more to go."

What he said next threw me completely off guard.

"No."

It wasn't a command, or a threat. It was a matter-of-fact statement. I pulled away and looked at him, puzzled. "What?"

He only smirked. "You said I was going to make you cum three times... You did that one all on your own."

The sultry, cocky way he said it made me melt, and I knew then that I was in some serious trouble.

The first time he made me cum was right there on the piano bench. He insisted that I sit down while he eat me out, and I wasn't one to complain. However, he did drag it out so long that by the time I actually came, it felt like I'd done it a thousand times over.

So, to give myself a little break, I returned the favor, and we made it to the kitchen before I couldn't wait any longer and promptly decided to suck him off while he leaned back against the counter. I took the same courtesy he had in dragging it out, pulling off of him completely right as he was about to cum, and I absolutely melted into a pile of nothing upon hearing how he whined and panted while I did it.

I did that in about five long, excruciating cycles before he told me it was my turn and dragged me into my bedroom.

The second time I came, he fucked me against the door, one of my legs standing on the ground while the other lifted and rested on my dresser. He didn't waste any time, just pushing my panties aside and fucking me hard and fast. And fast it was. It only took about a minute before I was convulsing around him, every nerve I had set on fire.

He let me have one more break, laying me down on the bed and taking his time stripping off the rest of my clothes. He must have spent a solid half hour just licking, biting, and teasing my breasts, his hand occasionally reaching down to graze my clit for a few strokes before returning to touch the rest of me. All the while, he slowly rutted against my thigh, moaning into my skin when he got close and stopping his movements all together for about a minute before continuing.

But I was growing impatient and squirmy. So I grabbed his face, pulled him up to kiss me, and wrapped my legs around his waist.

"Fuck me, Spencer, please," I begged, kissing his jaw and shivering at the way he whimpered hearing his name fall from my lips.

He adjusted us for a moment before sliding into me slowly, and we both let out some of the most filthy sounds I'd ever heard. Every movement and sound we made from then on was frantic, desperate, and so full of need that I was almost positive I wasn't even alive anymore. Was I even ever alive at all? Did life exist?

"I can't... I'm go—gonna..."

Spencer suddenly coming to a halt and coming inside me was all I could feel, and it brought me back to my senses. I breathed out his name as he continued emptying everything he had into me, just like he'd admitted to me that he wanted back in the coffee shop. I was close myself, but with his halted movements, I didn't get there.

As I moved one of my hands down to rub my clit, he grabbed my wrist and pinned it above my head, pulling out and then plunging back into me, causing me to gasp.

"That's my job, angel," he murmured sweetly, just as he began slowly fucking his cum into me.

If I wasn't already in trouble, that would have destroyed me.

It didn't take long before I was crying out his name and orgasming for the fourth time that night. It was the most powerful one I'd had... well, ever, if I was being honest. My back gradually lifted off the bed and my eyes were screwed so tightly it felt like they were bruising.

But God be damned if I didn't want to experience that whole feeling over and over again for the rest of my life.

He stayed there for a moment, leaning over me and brushing the softest kisses to my temple as we caught our breaths. Eventually, though, and I wasn't sure how long exactly we'd been wrapped up in each other, he pulled out and laid beside me. And if it wasn't for his cum dripping out of me, I would have probably fallen asleep right there and been happy.

As if he was able to read my mind, Spencer sat up and brushed some of the hair from my face. "I'll go get something to clean you up real quick. Don't move."

I giggled, feeling light-headed and completely blissful as I caught him in our afterglow, taking in his beauty and basking in it like the sun. "I wouldn't go anywhere even if I could."

It wasn't until he came back and started cleaning between my legs with a warm washcloth that I realized what I said.

It took even longer for me to realize that he'd grabbed and put back on his underwear and pants.

As he tossed the washcloth into the laundry basket in the corner of my room, I sat up and reached for his sweater, slipping it on before he could say otherwise. It smelled like him and fit just right, which made me feel all warm and happy.

"Did you, um... want me to stay?" he asked softly not stepping any closer.

Yes.

"It, uh... would probably be better if you left. But... You can stay for an hour or two before you go home?"

Of course it was only a suggestion, because I couldn't make him do anything. But I asked it like a question, because I really wanted him to stay, just for a little bit longer if he couldn't stay the whole night.

Spencer nodded, smiling, and looking a little relieved if I was reading him right. "You should try to go to the bathroom first. Urination after sex is essential to prevent UTIs."

Smiling, I got up from the bed and kissed him on the cheek before grabbing a pair of clean underwear from my drawer and walking to the bathroom.

When I came back with a freshly washed face, my jewelry discarded, and feeling refreshed and ready to fall asleep, he was laying on my bed with his eyes closed and his arms crossed over his bare chest. Thinking better of it, I took off his sweater and threw it at him before rummaging through my drawers for a night shirt of my own.

"You could have kept it on," he said quietly, even as he put the shirt back on himself.

I shrugged, slipping on a large brown tee-shirt and climbing into bed under the covers. "You can't go home without a shirt."

"Right..." He sounded a little sad, but maybe I was just imagining it.

I rolled over on my side and looked at him, already feeling myself start to drift off. But I forced my eyes open and reached out to brush my fingertips through his hair. "Will you stay until I fall asleep?"

"Of course," was all he said, a small smile adorning his lips.

I hummed and nestled in closer to him, and his hand came down to rub the inside of my arm.

And as much as I tried to stay awake, just so he would stay longer, inevitably I fell asleep, hearing Spencer humming the melody to my favorite classical piece.

***

My arms stretched out, seeking his warmth even though I knew it wouldn't be there. I told him, made it a point to make sure he knew he had to leave after I fell asleep.

So why did I feel saddened by his disappearance?

I groaned into my pillow and stretched my body, already feeling it ache from all that... strenuous activity from the night before. When I opened my eyes and turned my head, I saw just a glimpse of the sun peeking through the curtains in my bedroom, illuminating what looked like a piece of paper on the other pillow next to me.

I slowly sat up and grabbed it, rubbing my eyes to will myself to read it. I already figured it would be another note from Spencer, but my hear fluttered when I read it nonetheless.

Not sure when I'll be free to meet again, but I'd like to keep in touch— As much as I love when you call me Stranger, I'd prefer to be anything but.

Sweet dreams, — Stranger Spencer

Yeah. I was definitely in trouble.

***

“All my pleasure choked by pain Since I let you get away. I should’ve tied you to the bed When I had you in the flesh. Now I’m chained to the memories.

How the music played loud. How my hair came down. How you kissed my mouth With a fire I can’t put out.

Why does it feel like torture Not to have your skin on mine?”

—Liz Longley, Torture

SERIES TAGLIST: @bluesunrise02 @meowiemari​ @teenwolfgirl90

PERMANENT TAGLIST:  @elldell1204 @muffin-cup @calm-and-doctor @slutforthegubes

(Please let me know if you’d like to be added to either taglist! Thank you!)

[gynarchyboi]

Good fences/ Female Supremacist make good neighbors

I'm a female supremacist. How could one be a dominatrix or a submissive man and not be a female supremacist?.....The violent competitiveness men naturally posses that was essential in prehistoric times that aided in our survival has now become a burden to civilization. Now the skills of cooperation, empathy, and complex multitasking are the needed skills. Consequently, men will lose power in the coming years. And, that's a good thing......Of course, I know that one particular woman may not be superior in any way to one particular man. I'm not an idiot. However, if you look at all women and compare them to all men, you start seeing differences. We perform better on IQ tests. We earn more advanced degrees. We commit fewer crimes. The list is endless. Women, in general, are superior to men, in general. I know that this is more true in the industrial world but this only proves my point. As a culture and a society progresses, women become more powerful and take their rightful place as leaders......I’m not strident. I’m quiet about my views but, knowing what I know, I try to support female political candidates on both sides of the aisle. If you agree with me then you should seek ways to promote women in the work place. In addition, I believe our spiritual leaders should all be women. A move away from priests and toward priestesses would reflect the environmental necessity of seeing the earth as our mother......If I were queen, I would politically disenfranchise all men. I’ve looked at how women vote and I would be happier with the outcome of their decisions without the input of men. In addition, I would implement a man tax because most of the mayhem and violence of the world comes from men. Men should take more responsibility for the crimes of other men. We should experiment with controlling troublesome men by chemically decreasing their testosterone......I don’t hate men. I love a man. I admit he is unusual because he has been under my close supervision for many years but I believe that most men could stand a little close supervision. The world will be a better place when women take their natural position as leaders. Despite recent setbacks, I believe this is happening. There will be a tipping point and suddenly we will wake up with new female leadership. May the good Goddess hasten the day. If you are a submissive man, you should find a practical way to help hasten the coming matriarchy. You should spend a few minutes on it everyday. This is the practical outworking of your vision of female rule......if you are a submissive man then you have likely had to deal with some shame. I've been told that this was also often true for the LGBT community. Often shame was a stage they had to fight through to accept themselves as wonderful. If you are a submissive man I want you to consider that you are on the forefront of the coming change. You are evolutionarily advanced beyond your other male peers. This is especially true if you have a strong service component to your psyche. This makes you a very valuable man for a woman like me. Feel proud of your desire to submit......I don't get everything right but I understand the general march of history. The future is female.

Msreneelane

[ktheist]

when a dragon loves a witch.

min yoongi thought he was the shit.

not because his heart-shaped face was on the prettier side of the standards of beauty that’s eating away at this old, waning world. nor is it because he has at least three people coming up to him and confessing their undying love every year. but because he thinks he’s- “the only few people in the world that can murder you and leave no forensic evidence behind.”

the way his eyes light up with confidence and excitement at the thought of dueling you - is adorable.

he thinks he can beat you. the ancient one. the beast that once soared the skies with wings made of gold and breathe fire upon a kingdom and send even the proudest of kings to their knees.

nowadays, you laze around in your apartment  as a human girl. the actual humans have build warheads and nuclear weapons capable of detonating an entire mountain. you dare not find out what they’ll do if they found a growl of a beast rocking the skies.

because as powerful as you are, there is nothing more powerful than a human with a heart and persons to protect.

“us dragons turn to flower beds when we die,” you say in a matter of factly - an aging knowledge that’s about to be forgotten from this world, “technically, there won’t be any body to make my grave a crime scene.”

admittedly, min yoongi wasn’t a young magic that needed nurturing anymore. he could have been an ancestor in a few coming centuries. one that would rise up above all others. that was why he was half-serious about ending you.

if he’d proven himself by reaping the ancient one’s soul, witches all over the world would have flocked to him like crows. he’d proved himself worthy of the title. would be the youngest ancestor in the history of magic.

if he’d known you were no human girl and if you’d known the man with the darkest eyes was no ordinary person that one unfortunate night, you both would have, without a doubt, clashed against one another.

“what - what the-“ he’d stared at the noticeable protrusion of your belly with rounded eyes, a contrasting sight from when you first wakes him up to kick him out before noticing the weight that wasn’t there on your human body before, “what did you have last night?!”

he meant food but the answer was sex.

because you’ve had a fair share of human males and females in your lifetime. none of their seeds managed to stay with you long enough to become another being - another creature that is not wholly dragon nor human.

before he could react, you’d pinned him down, knees buried on either sides of his waist, talons digging into the skin of his neck. you’d felt the familiar warmth deep in your throat as you growled a voice you haven’t heard of in a long while, “what are you?”

there was flash in his eyes - possibly when he saw yours turn to slits, a sort of panic and understanding that the woman he’d just bedded was no woman at all.

so you made sure to draw blood from where your talons graze against his skin - it was red and so very human, “you have one chance. use it well.”

“okay, okay!” he held up his hands like a man guilty of a crime, “i’m a witch!”

at that, a low rumble rose from the depths of your belly. no wonder he looked human. felt human.

in your rage, you’d hissed out that the thing growing inside you was his child, “i’d been so careful not to come across another species,” all you saw was red as you’d turned to him, “i should kill you.”

the odds were against you - an ordinary witch’s seed wouldn’t have been able to impregnate you. his magic was unbridled - and as you stared at the man-like creature who’d stared back at you without so much as fear, you knew he knew that too.

as much as he was a witch closest to the level of an ancestor, min yoongi was not a killer. or he was not going to murder a child at least.

“this is no child- it’s a curse!” your talons and slits were the only things that came back. not even your magnificent scales appeared on your skin. it was happening - this- this creature was controlling your body, forming and deforming it to suit its needs as it grew inside you.

“i’m not going to stop you if you don’t wish to keep it. it’s your body... but wouldn’t you want to know what’ll happen... how it’ll be?” for once, there was no trace of maddening fascination in his eyes ever since he found out what you were and what he’d caused to grow inside you.

so you kept it- you kept the creature. mainly because you still had the end of the world to live and regret if you didn’t find out yourself.

min yoongi didn’t move in with you - he had was living with his covenant of witches that would’ve suspect something wrong if he decided to move out from what seemed to be unsuspecting apartment building on the skirts of the city. he did, however, drop through tears of reality.

he brought you ordinary human foods and potions that could help sustain you, “we don’t know what keeps it alive,” he explained while you were popping chips into your mouth, legs propped on the coffee table whilst a mediocre human show was playing on the tv.

you both later found out that it was self-sustaining, living and thriving inside you for almost a century as times change and you’re forced to change with it. you bought a new penthouse because the old one was getting rebuilt. yoongi still visited you everyday - he fucked you everyday too because this thing - this creature, it thrived upon the fleeting moment when both you and him were connected.

in your burning heart, you’d known what exactly kept it alive, “our lifespans, yoongi,” you’d said once you’d come down from your high after fucking like rabbits - such pure, defenseless creatures, “it’s draining our lifespans!”

yoongi didn’t say anything but he didn’t leave either when it was the easiest for him to escape through a tear and disappear for who knew how long. he’d stayed and made human food and kept your part in the fridge when you didn’t join him for dinner.

it was the note tacked up on the lid of the container, instructing you to pre-heat it for 3 minutes, that made you crawl into bed with him in the extra room that’d become his. with your protruding belly and all.

“i’m scared, yoongi -” and for the first time, you’d felt fear, “-i’m scared it’ll turn into a monster. i’m scared they’d come for her and i’m scared i’d love her even then.”

and as he wrapped his arm around you and kissed your forehead, you’d realized that he’d loved the creature even before you did. fascination was just the surface of his abundance of love for something he never knew. it was anticipation. excitement for a sign of life. love from a father to his child. even if it turned out to be a creature of destruction - an abomination given by the gods to the evergreens.

you sought solace in each other’s warmth but you didn’t truly love each other.

and yoongi still talks about taking you on in a fight. as he does now.

“just... any ordinary flowers?” he asks, ever the curious one - you don’t know whether it is out of the sincerity of his heart or if he’s conjuring up some wicked scheme to extract the essence of the flowers at your death.

“it depends on what we loved most in our lifetime,” somehow, you keep talking, “red roses for undying passion, alchemilla mollis for those that managed to find love, though unrequited and can never be... every kind of flower you can thinking of,” involuntarily, your hand goes to your belly, “but none of us have ever had carnations embed our graves.”

“what meaning does carnations bear?” yoongi walks over to you from the kitchen, stacks of sandwich piled on top of a plate and placed on the coffee table in front of you.

“admiration... affection... devotion... a mother’s undying love,” a smile tucks on the corners of your lips.

the hand yoongi takes is bare of its talons. you’ve sworn never to summon them in his presence. so you can never hurt him again. the print of his thumb is callous against your skin - he could have charmed them to be as soft as a baby’s but he didn’t want to erase the traces of his life’s worth of wand-wielding.

his lips are soft though, as he brings your knuckles to your skin, sealing his devotion for you and your child.

x

when the time comes for the unrelenting pain - akin to black arrowheads struck into your scales and digging into your flesh - comes, you remember wishing you’d turn into flowers, just so it’d end faster. you remember losing all feeling in your body but having lie there in sweat and tears as yoongi’s warm spells seep into you. it only numbs the pain by a notch. but you appreciate them anyway.

then you hear it, the first cry. pushing yourself up, you see yoongi, rocking a child in his arms, cooing to an ancient lullaby in a forgotten language than only his kind knows.

“she’s so very human,” you say some time after the cries quiet down into quiet snores.

“maybe because you were in your human form when you carried her,” yoongi suggests as he stares at the child sleeping next to you on the bed with like he’ll never want anything else in the world.

shar.

ever so lovely as the light of the first dawn. the time she was born. she bears so much resemblance to her father, jet black hair, curled to frame her face. when she smiles, she smiles a gummy smile just like her father’s. the scales that cover her skin when she’s upset is undoubtedly yours. her eyes are of no other, bearing the galaxy within them as well as ether’s flames.

perhaps it’s yoongi’s magic and your power that rests within them.

either way, you adore your little seedling very much.

a century for you is a year for her. but neither you nor yoongi mind for you have an eternity together.

that is, until you don’t.

the first sign of war erupts when you were showing her how to light up a candle with just her breath. she ends up melting too many candles and the penthouse smells of pinewood and lavender and sea waves.

yoongi steps through the reality, bloodied and bruised but alive.

“we have to go,” he says with a kind of urgency you’ve never before heard in his complacent years of living, “the dark wizards - they know - they infiltrated the covenant disguised as one of us and one managed to touch my hand - it was a mind reader.”

“dada?” shar gazes up at her father with those galaxy eyes like she’d understood every word he’d said even though she was supposed to be three according to human developments.

“shar, darling, we have to go away for awhile - remember i used to travel a lot back when i was a dragon? we’re going to travel!” you say and she claps, echoing ‘travel! travel!’ with a sort of zeal only children could have.

her first step through reality makes her scales appear. she’s crying and clinging onto you like she’s scared and in pain and confused.

“i don’t get it- she can do simple spells- tears shouldn’t hurt her,” the crease in yoongi’s forehead is an alien sight so are his wakeful eyes compared to the sleepy droop that says he could fall asleep on the floor if he wills it.

“there’s still not much we know about shar and what she can’t or can do,” you grip his hand tightly, “it’s not your fault.”

so you’re on the run and death follows not too far behind. the cerulean skies you once soared beyond and above are now marred with a kind of darkness. darker than midnight even in the daylight.

the witches of the north shiver at the sight of your child’s eyes. the moon elves claims that shar is not a creature of this world. everywhere you go, none are willing to assist.

and you find yourself within the walls of your previous dwelling. back when dragons rule the lands and skies. back when no foolish creature ever dares to venture into the darkness of a cave for fear of a slumbering creature with scales and fire as breaths.

“all i remember is that i was alive - playing hide and seek with the faes until they die of old age,” the burned patches of the rock walls still remain eons later, “i mourned them for a century before i stepped out - i was so young, the humans shot me with black arrowheads and i burned down their villages.”

the scar from where one struck you still mars your skin - human or dragon, it’s still there.

yoongi traces the slant of the scar of your shoulder as if he’d take the pain and the horrendous memories that came with it if he could.

“take care of shar, yoongi.” you finally say, looking over at the sleeping child by the fire place.

the thought of your young, forming bones having to bear nights on the hard ground pains you more than a mere strike through your scales.

“we’ll take care of her together,” he kisses the top of your head.

that night, you fall asleep, cuddled up around your child with your hands held together as if vowing to protect and cherish. and cherish you will. as well as protect.

the dark wizards find you right where you want them after you’d left the cave. it was hard not to notice the trails of fires you’d left behind as you wait for them in a cafe, abandoned with tables and chairs knocked over as if whoever came before you left in a hurry.

you tried making your first mocha latte with what ingredients they left behind - doesn’t taste as good but you don’t even have to wait long for the shadow to arrive and a man in a dark cloak takes the seat across from you.

“drakaina,” the words are slurred and dragged out but you’ve lived too many centuries not to know your own name.

“stop looking for them and i’ll serve as your aide,” it isn’t an offer. it’s an order. the cloaked figure lowers his head in submission of the power that reeks off your existence yet dare asks.

“but what can an ancient being like yourself do... your greatness,” he finishes off with a hail.

the first growl rips through the skies on an afternoon you know not what day of. nor what year. your chest lights up with flames of hell. scales line what used to be human skin as the roof caves over your growing form. the buildings collapse in with the gust of wind that your wings summon.

the wizard laughs. a manic look in his eyes.

x

the war does not last for longer than half a decade. none is able to withstand you. those that do lose their souls.

you’ve taken lives before without regards to its sanctity. you take them now with the sole regards to the two whom you lay your own for.

then comes the golden one. a dragon before your time - before most creatures’ times. if you’d made kings bow, she’d made the world submit to her will. that was, before she forgone it all and went into slumber. to think the golden one, fraener, would have allowed herself to be awoken by measly wars and to let a measly creature ride her- you must have caused the greatest of grief.

“child, your eyes scream anguish,” her voice rings loud and clear in your head as you zoom past her, barely missing her claws.

you do not respond.

“you’ve given birth to a life,” she sounds fascinated. delighted.

“i do not wish to fight a sister,” you project your own voice onto her conscience.

her growl thunders through the sky as she pins you down with her foot, “then you will die?”

“fool!” the cloaked wizard hisses from somewhere in the mountains, “get up! fight! or we’ll go for your child next! we know where they are.”

“i wish for a world where my child no longer needs to hide, please,” you whimper.

“your sacrifice is noble, young one,” her claws break your hard scales, you hear the howl of a dying beast.

the wizard’s incessant demands blur in your ears as the flames in your chest spreads through your body, burning your soul and eating you alive. in your last moments, you recall fraener’s ‘rest well,’ bid before petals peek through your scales. pastel pink, deep red and violet carnations fill your sight before you heart bursts.

“what meaning does carnations bear?” yoongi walks over to you from the kitchen, stacks of sandwich piled on top of a plate and placed on the coffee table in front of you.

“admiration... affection... devotion... a mother’s undying love,” a smile tucks on the corners of your lips.

x

min yoongi thinks he’s accomplished enough. acknowledgement of the magical community and treaties protecting beings mixed by blood.

he manages to protect his child from the hands of those who wish to take her away from him. fought an ancestor who went against him and succeeded.

he resides in the mountains, not too far from your dwelling. surrounded by fae’s and rock mountains and wallerbogs. she’s five centuries old and rather use her wings to catch the fae’s in hide-and-seeks rather than use her legs. the galaxy in her eyes never dim - not when she woke up without her mother greeting her with a kiss good morning, not when she suddenly stops giggling at the stick man yoongi made to keep her company when the first growl of a dragon tears through the sky and not when the last whimper echo throughout the skies before the golden one ended their ancient one.

the world started moving again. but his heart stopped along with yours that day.

the city you’d fought fraener in is left in ruins with wild carnations covering every crack of the earth - pluck one and two more grow.

“mama!” shar squeals and yoongi thinks he’s gone mad.

a woman is laughing and hugging his child when he’d cast a spell over the forest to make it impossible for those with hostile intentions to even pass through. let alone come all the way into its heart.

you look beautiful, laughing and lifting your child up in the air. trickles of melodic sounds falling off your lips.

yoongi doesn’t even want to know how - he gathers you in his arms, feels you against him, breathes in the familiar sweet scent of your existence.

only after he’s kissed you all over your face as you giggle, does he asks, “how?”

you show him the traces of scales that are still red and fresh on your skin - “i don’t know, the last thing i remember was fighting the golden one and then i woke up as a whelp somewhere in northern russia in a cave- i came as soon as i could transform into a human.”

it took awhile - a few decades to find your way back. but where your heart and soul lies, that is where you’ll always return to. no matter where you are, not matter what you are.

you’ll always find way back to your witch and little seedling.

x

note. this a request for the drabble game i’m holding. this is a stand alone, complementary piece to my long fic called wartime child! (jjk).

anyways, hope yall enjoyed!

[jadedxrealityw]

-Rush- Draco Malfoy x Female Reader

♡~🐍~♡

  Summary: After a failed relationship you and Draco lost contact only to be reconnected when you take a job at the Ministry Of Magic. Emotions begin to resurface as you both realize that even after all the time that has passed you still both are deeply in love with each other

  Kody: The song this image is based off of. Lewis Capaldi - Rush ft. Jessie Reyez. I also changed the backstory for a couple of characters, mostly about what happened after the wizarding war.  

  Year: out of school

  House: Gryffindor (out of school)

  Possible Triggers/Warnings: fat angst, cursing, lowkey toxic Draco

  ♡~🐍~♡

   high school sweethearts, that was what you were. What you used to be.

   it was a normal day when Draco said he wanted to end things, going on a whole rant about how you weren’t safe with him and you deserved so much more than what a death eater could bring you. Despite all of your reassurances that you would take the risk his mind was made up.

   his parents were pressuring him to give you up. His father repeating that no son of his would date some Gryffindor half blood, but you were much more than that to him. You shared his passions and interests, listened to him when he needed a ear to talk off about Alchemy or offered your shoulder to cry on.

   it was the one thing he stood his ground for. You. One night while he was quietly, but with haste packing clothes into a small trunk because he was planning on apparating to your house and run away with you his aunt Bellatrix had caught him in the act.

   she, in a very threatening tone told her nephew that the dark lord knew of his little Gryffindor girlfriend and if he wanted to see you unharmed he would be a good boy and listen to orders when he’s given them. His whole world came crashing down. He could take the chance and run with you anyway. He really wanted to.

   but then you would never live a comfortable life. Being on the run constantly was not what he planned when he gave you a silver ring when you were both 15 with a promise he would replace it with a wedding band in the future. Now he would never get to see you walk down the aisle. 

   so he distanced himself from you as much as he could until the breakup, so it wouldn’t hurt as much. It still did.

    ‘The space between where our ends meet, Has grown too much for me to block it out’

   you left his dorm that day in tears. His body almost leaped forward to chase after you, but his mind knew better. If losing you meant he could protect you from the dangers his life brought as a Malfoy, then by all means. He had to let you go. Doesn’t mean it was easy.

   he never really saw you again after that. He chalked it up to his mind blocking you out if you ever were in his line of sight, like some sort of defense his brain put up to avoid any more hurt. Once the ‘final battle’ came around he decided that he wouldn’t let his father control his life anymore.

   he aided the golden trio by tossing his wand to Harry once he fell out of Hagrid’s arms and with that it was over instantly. His mother and him were charged for war crimes, but Hermione and Harry ended up speaking on their behalves and all charges were dropped.

   his father was sent to Azkaban for the rest of his days and for once Draco felt at peace with his father being so far away, no longer having the ability to control him. Harry almost immediately got a job at the ‘Ministry Of Magic’ as well as Hermione. 

   after a few months Harry had talked Draco up enough to his superiors to get him a position in the  ‘Department of Magical Law Enforcement’ as a Auror. He felt strange working with Harry Potter after all the years of bullying, but they got along really well when they cooperated.

    ♡~🐍~♡

   1 year later

   “Hey, can we talk to you for a bit?” Draco looks up from his papers that lied on his desk. Hermione Granger and Harry Potter stood at the entrance of his office, looking visibly uncomfortable. He had a feeling this wouldn’t be a pleasant conversation.

   he set the pen down on the desk before gesturing to the seats in front of said desk. Hermione put on a sweet smile as she took a seat, Harry following. “So i’m sure you heard our department is hiring another Auror since were shoftstafed” Draco nods slowly. He actually heard about it yesterday before he left.

   “Yeah so, we overheard a conversation this morning about who it was and we wanted o tell you in advance” Harry explained. Draco’s brow went up in slight confusion. Warn him? What in hell did that mean? “Warn me” he repeated and Hermione nods.

   a sympathetic smile played on her soft complexion. “It’s Y/n. Y/n L/n” Draco’s body tensed up instantly. Of course the universe would punish him like this. Waving the love of his life in his face after he broke her heart. How spiteful. “Oh” he simply said, before leaning back into his chair. 

   all business professionalism drained from his body in an instant “Fuck” he cursed under his breath “You still care about her, don’t you?” Hermione questioned. He just nodded before letting out a deep sigh and standing up from his chair “I’m quitting”

   both ex Gryffindors shot up from there seats “You can’t quit Draco, that’s a highly irrational reaction!” Hermione sputters as he collects his coat from the back of his black swivel chair. “You wouldn’t understand, Granger” he slipped his arms through both sleeves.

    “Draco!-” Harry started, but didn’t get another word in as Draco opened his office door. As soon as the door swung open he felt a head collide with his chest. He could practically hear their heartbeat race in embarrassment “Oh Merlin, i apologize!” the voice. That voice laughed nervously. 

   ‘I miss the tone of your heartbeat. It's such a warming and familiar sound’

   the person backed away and he felt as if he could collapse right then and there. “Draco?” you said. ‘No, please don’t say my name’ he thought. A smile grew on your face “What a funny coincidence. seeing you here. How’ve you been?”

   his eyes mapped your body, not in a sexual way. Just noting the small changes that occured over a year and a half. You kept your hair the same length, as well as your taste in clothing. Your face was a bit more matured, but still held it’s natural beauty.

   the way you spoke to him made his heart twinge. It was so friendly. Of course it was friendly, but he still hated it. “I’ve been quite alright. You?” he questions. “I’m great, couldn’t be better really.” you shrug your shoulders. His heart tugged violently.

   better. Couldn’t be better. In his mind when the word better came up he imagined being married to you already and living a comfortable, wealthy life. But no, he was here. He forced a half smile on his face “That’s good to hear. Now i must get going. I hope you're finding the power. To help you make it through the darker days”

   he walked past her and as soon as he was out of sight, sped walked to the nearest bathrooms. He locked the door before leaning against it. He slowly slid down until he sat down on the tile floor. It was gross, but he didn’t care at the moment.

   how was he going to work here with you around. It felt as if the air was being violently sucked from his lungs. Was this what Granger called a panic attack? or was his body finally giving up on him. He would be perfectly fine with whatever option at this stage.

   as he stared up at the ceiling, a bitter laugh left his throat “For now, I wait by the hour. If you wanna take somebody's breath away”

    ♡~🐍~♡

   It had been two weeks and Draco felt as if he was going to implode. You were so happy and cheerful and- and- joyful. he just couldn’t understand how you weren’t as broken up as he was or maybe he wanted someone to share his pain. How pathetic was that?

   now here he was. At some boring gala the Ministry was holding. Something about celebrating a new generation or along those lines. Draco couldn’t be bothered to care about details. He took another sip of wine from his glass hoping to get buzzed enough to fly through this boring affair.

   he looks up to see multiple pairs of eyes on him. Wait- not him. Behind him. He slowly turns around as it met with the most breathtaking sight he could ever see. You strolled through the entrance wearing a no strap long lace dress. He swore his heart skipped a couple beats.

   you looked like a princess ready to be whisked away, but you weren’t his to whisk anymore were you? Draco’s jaw locked in place before he looked back down at the wine in his hand. He places it down on a nearby table. “Merlin, you look absolutely stunning Ms. L/n!”

   Granger. “Are you alright?” a male voice asked. Potter. If Weasley showed up, he was going to have an aneurysm on the spot. Draco simply exhaled deeply “I suppose so. I don’t think my mind is processing the fact the she isn’t mine anymore though. So there’s that”

   Harry looked at Draco, studying his facial expressions. It was strange to see him so emotional “If you don’t mind me asking, how long were you two together?” he was treading on thin ice, he knew that. “Long enough for it to hurt this bad”

    ♡~🐍~♡

   and with that. Draco walked away from the chosen one and spent a good twenty minutes talking to random superiors and wealthy couples. It was only when he came from the bathroom he heard your voice for the first time that night.

   “Oh thank you!” you spoke in a enthusiastic voice. Draco stopped mid step and leaned against the wall. Now he was eavesdropping? How pathetic of him. “So Y/n, we heard you used to date Draco Malfoy. Is that true?” a unfamiliar voice asked.

   he inhaled sharply. “Um yes, yes i did” you spoke. You sounded uncomfortable with that question. How dare they pry on your love life? They had no right “So what was he like? Did he cheat on you? Was he a bad boyfriend? I bet he was” his fist clenched at his side.

   Draco wasn’t the nicest person. He knew that, but he showed you as much love and affection his body could produce. He loved you! Hell, he still loved you. You seem to sputter “Uh-” he couldn’t listen to this. He walked out of the small hallway, surprising you and the unfamiliar coworker.

   he needed some fresh air. Now. He pushes through a couple of people with a cold stare. He walks down a couple steps of stairs and hes out the front doors. The cold crisp air hits his face and he felt as if he could breathe again. He reaches up and slicks his platinum hair back.

   a repeated clicking noise could be heard behind him, getting closer. Shoes. No. Heels actually. “Draco” you spoke. He turns around quickly and watches as you step off the concrete and into the grass, holding your dress up from the ground.

   why did he feel so angry? Could it be because you didn’t deny his claims? or something else? “Go away L/n” he spoke harshly. He could see your face turn to one of confusion before a stern look took over “No, your clearly upset so i’m not leaving” 

   still so stubborn. “Are you upset because they asked me about us? If you don’t want anyone to know i promise i won’t tell anyone. I wouldn’t want to ruin your reputation” you said, which only angered him more. How could you be so stupid? 

   “I don’t give a damn if anyone knows about us! You didn’t deny it Y/n! They said such horrible things about me and you just stood there like they were right! Are you fucking serious?! I loved you with everything i had and you act like as if i was the monster!” Draco’s voice boomed, you look positively frightened.

   until you didn’t Then you looked angry “You broke up with me you stupid git! You left me alone and scared while the whole war was going on! So yeah Draco i’m fucking bitter! Screw you! What happened, you were so accepting of me when we first saw each other. You hoped i was well!”

   you were right, he knew that, but he wasn’t done yelling. All of this thought were just rolling off of him in the worst way. You looked disappointed in him. It reminded him of the last time he spoke to you at Hogwarts, but with less crying and more anger.

   “I hoped?! You want to know what i hope!?  I hope you're lonely, hope you're lost 'cause I've been. I'd hate to think you're better off without me  I know we tried to hold on. But where do you go. When love, it just ain't enough?” he spoke, anger leaving him and being replaced with dread and sorrow.

   but he wasn’t done. “Now does it kill you when you think about me? Were you as close to giving up as I've been? I know we kept losing touch. Got lost in the rush...” he sighed deeply, trailing off at the end of his sentence. All his worst thoughts had spilled out of him like a tidal wave.

   you looked shocked and hurt? Maybe he was reading your expression wrong. He couldn’t bare to look at your face. Gulping, he adjusted his tie and turned away to walk off in shame “I pray you don't hurt too much” he chose as his parting words.

   “I don't come close to an angel”

   he stopped. A shuffling sound of fabric heard as you made your way in front of him, jabbing a finger at his chest “You ain't never been no kind of saint” you narrowed your E/c eyes at him. He looked down at you in shame. You removed your finger and stepped back once.

   a bitter laugh forced its way out of you. “But when we both came together. Hell to heaven, you were my escape. But fires don't burn forever and all these ashes crumble when we touch. We danced to death in the fire. What can we do now that the music's done, my love?” 

   his grey eyes went wide. My love? A small feeling of hope bloomed within his chest. You did still care about him. He was your only love and would always be, but you had both been forced apart. Draco was foolish for thinking you had ever lost feelings for the Malfoy.

   now to give him a taste of his own medicine. “I hope you're lonely, hope you're lost 'cause I've been. I'd hate to think you're better off without me. I know we tried to hold on. But where do you go, When love, it just ain't enough? Now, does it kill you when you think about me?”

   you threw your hands up in the air. He could spot tears in your eyes, making him start to choke up as well. That was always his weakness, you crying. “Were you as close to giving up as I've been? I know we kept losing touch. Got lost in the rush. I pray you don't hurt too much” you look down.

   ‘Well, we had it all and we let it fall, But I hope you find whatever you were looking for’

   Draco stepped into you and reaches down to grab your hand “Y/n. During the war i packed a bag in the middle of the night. I was ready to leave my family and run away with you. I wanted nothing more then to pend the rest of my life with you” his thumb caressed the skin of your hand.

   you look up from your heels and met his gaze with teary eyes “Why didn’t you?” you spoke. He smiled sadly, using his other hand to cup your cheek. “My aunt. Bellatrix caught me. The dark lord had found out about you somehow and if i wanted to keep you safe i had to let you go.”

   “The day i broke up with you haunts me in my nightmares. I wanted so badly to reach out and grab you, but love- Y/n you weren’t safe with me.” tears finally escaped his eyes, running down his pale face. You used your hand to hit his chest “I told you i didn’t care Draco”

   he nods, sniffling “I know darling, i should have stuck by your side no matter what, but even the thought of any harm coming to you was to much for me to bare” he let go of your hand. Now he was cradling your face. “I feel as though i am too late” 

   you reach into the top part of your dress and pull out the hidden part of a silver necklace you wore. The silver ring he gave you was at the end of the chain. He felt his heart explode. “You kept it? after all this time. Why?” he asked. You roll your eyes “because i still love you, you foolish boy!”

   Draco was at a loss of words. Unable to speak, he grabbed your face and your lips collided with his in a passionate kiss. It was very sloppy, but showed how much you both missed each other. It made up the amount of time that had passed since you felt each other.

   your the first to pull away from the heated exchange “You better not leave me again Draco” you spoke in a stern tone which made him smile “I wouldn’t dream of it my love. Now, let’s get out of here. There is so much more i want to do with you” his tone became playful as a smirk played on his face.

   your face flushes slightly, but you nod slowly. He holds onto you as you both apparate away to merlin knows where. High school sweethearts, that was what you were. What you used to be. What you got to be again.

    ♡~🐍~♡

   Kody: i- i cried writing this. What a pussy am i right. By the way my inbox is like being a wack ass hoe and not telling me when i get messages so like sorry if you’ve requested something and it hasn’t been posted. (I was also in a depressed state for a bit but whatevs) Anyways, peace!

[kdramafeminist]

Performative Badassery & Women in Kdramas

When I said I wrote an essay, I meant essay. This is a long one! Grab a snack and venture below the read more. I’ll see you at the end!

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You know the feeling. The drama begins. Our female main lead walks onto screen. She’s a successful businesswoman, a hotshot detective, clever lawyer, smartass retail worker, etc, etc. She stares down a random man to prove she’s the powerful one here. Or kicks some ass. Or rattles off a bunch of demands to her workers. Or talks fast to show off her intelligence.

Then she meets the male lead. There’re fireworks. Slowly we find our female lead has a softer side. Good to know. 3-dimensional and complex characters are important. It’s nice to see women on-screen who are both capable and emotional. Kick ass and feminine. 

But slowly... something starts to go wrong. She seems to be crying more than showing literally any other kind of emotion. And is it just me or is she getting saved and manhandled and flustered quite a lot for a woman who we were told was so well put together? Sure, the circumstances are extreme. But they’re extreme for the male lead too and he seems to be managing just fine for some reason. Also, if both of them are ordinary people with no on-screen fighting experience, how come he’s so great at throwing fists out of nowhere and she’s busy keeping hidden or needing rescuing? Exactly how many times can one person just faint like that without anyone checking to see if she has a medical condition?

By the drama’s end our lead has gone through trials and tribulations. She’s fallen in love too, I’m happy for her. But... now that the story’s ending and she’s getting in one last chance to show us she’s a “badass”, why am I left feeling hollow? She’s showing us how tough she is but... we ALL spent this whole drama watching her have absolutely no agency or such a little amount that she might as well have been trying to put out a fire with a water-pistol. It’s almost like her previous badassery (in whatever form it may have been - I don’t mean badass only in terms of being able to throw a good punch) was just a façade. A way to hook in female viewers like me who want to see something more than a wilting wallflower or one-trick Cinderella. But the tiniest knock and the cardboard house collapses.

And no matter how many times we get throwaway lines about her being “the smartest/toughest/scariest/most capable one here” it doesn’t ring true compared to the actual character we’re watching.

Rom-coms, melos and sagueks especially (but many more genres besides), have a real problem when it comes to performative badassery in their female characters. The writers give us a female lead they claim is hyper competent, but the reality is totally different. Any plot that features romance, almost always features this. Honestly the way the start of the relationship in dramas actively MURDERS the female character’s agency could be its own essay so I won’t go deep, just know the two are 100% linked.

The “Faux Action Girl” Problem 

A Faux Action Girl happens when a writer wants the popularity that comes with having a cool action girl character, or they want the praise that comes with writing a lead that breaks gender norms, or they want to be lauded for writing a FL whose more capable & progressive than the female kdrama lead we’d imagine, but they don’t end up actually giving us her. Instead we get the fake or faux version. The reasons are usually a combination of:

Relying on outdated tropes. Wrist grabs, damsels in distress, a girl fainting so she misses some vital plot related moment to increase runtime etc...

Sexist worldviews. As a by-product of being Korean which is still a heavily sexist country because of the holdover of Confucianism mixed in with the Christianity westerners brought over that leads many writers to (often without even realising) inserting moments that inadvertently reduce their female leads because they think that’s what correct or natural for the female character based on their opinion of women in general. Even if it doesn’t actually fit the type of character they’ve set out to create.

Executive meddling. Producers who think their demographic wouldn’t be able to handle a real badass but also know their female viewers want more complexity and agency in their FLs these days and so give us the paper-version instead of the 3D model.

This character’s more “badass” traits are nearly always just an Informed Ability (the writers tell us via other characters what she can do but never actually show us on-screen these same things) or we only ever see her utilise them once/twice at the beginning and maybe if we’re lucky once at the end, but never again. 

It really hurts.

The “Badass Decay/Chickification” Problem

Sometimes she really is a legitimate action girl though. She’ll be a cop whose good at her job or an ordinary citizen whose well-versed in taekwondo. She has actual moments on-screen to prove herself. 

Well. She has moments in episodes 1 and 2. Then she almost always goes through Badass Decay/Chickification. Which means that writers (& producers) believe that if we don’t see her having a softer side, she’ll become unrealistic or unlikeable. 

They fix her. So she becomes more vulnerable. As the only girl on the team (usually), she becomes the one who ends up injured more often or needs rescuing most. Her life begins to revolve entirely around her romance and nothing else. (Meanwhile the male leads gets to have the romance and keep his side-quest - have you noticed that? If the FL is really lucky she gets to keep one side-quest too, maybe a dream job or solving some family mystery. Never more though.. only men get to be complicated here). Once she was competent... now it feels like she legitimately had a personality transplant. 

Is this even the same person we began with?

The “Worf Effect” Problem 

Worf Effect is when the danger/power level of a villain is shown to the audience by making him successfully attack/hurt/ruin the plans of someone that the audience knows is skilled. This isn’t a bad thing alone and writers use it all the time. We need to acknowledge the villain as a proper threat and this is a useful way to do it!

But in kdramas it’s something used almost always against the lead female character. The one we’ve seen is intelligent, or strong-willed or quick-witted. 

And because it’s always her, this character begins to look weak. If this writing trope is abused, her reputation as the "biggest, toughest" etc. begins to look like it never existed and we’re back to her having an informed ability. 

That this is something that happens to the female characters not only more often but almost exclusively is a sign of sexism. Plain and simple.

Competent, Real Badass Female Characters Aren’t Scary

 If you’re going to sell me a capable woman, give me her. 

Not someone who has one very unique, specialised skill but otherwise can do nothing else except for that one time when her one skill is useful. 

Or has built up her own empire, implying a certain level of smarts, business ability or networking skills, but then once she’s removed from it she becomes so utterly useless it begs the question how she built that empire in the first place. 

Or has a rep as the detective whose taken down the toughest guys off-screen, but whatever skills she used to do that seem to disappear the moment anything really challenging happens on-screen. 

I’m not saying she needs to win all the time. Of course she doesn’t, how boring is that? All I’m asking is that when she loses, it’s in keeping with the character I’m supposedly watching. A woman that can kick ass can still be outwitted. A clever woman can be physically beaten. A street-smart girl can be foiled by rules and regulations. A leader-type can be beat by someone whose more unconventional.

It’s not difficult to write someone like this. I know the writers can do it because every male lead is written this way. I’ve never once, whilst watching a badass male lead lose, get beaten and cry, thought “oh no, his badassery was fake all along!”

Because when he loses it makes sense. It’s in character. There’s a solid plot reason behind why it happens.

Meanwhile my ladies who are meant to be able to kick ass and take names somehow just got kidnapped out of nowhere?

Make it make sense!

Consistent Characterisation is Good Writing

I get wanting moments where one is injured and the other fusses over them. I love those moments! All I ask is more imagination taken to get us to that point. Make it in-character. If my taekwondo black belt is kidnapped, I want to see her really fight. I want the kidnapping to be shown as genuinely tough on the people trying to nab her. Imagine how much more satisfying it would be to see her fight off all these bad guys, yet still end up losing? How much more heart-breaking?

We’d be so much more invested in the mind games or politics the villain is playing if the female lead we’ve been told is good at that stuff is playing the game just as hard. When she loses it’ll hurt more.

Writers need to stop being afraid that her remaining capable in some way diminishes the masculinity, attractiveness, prowess or “hero” status of the male lead. Trust me. It doesn’t. Ever. 

It’s not a case of either/or. We don’t think less of the male lead because his partner is as capable as him in whatever way that may be. Instead, we think more of them both. Once a romance begins, the heightened worry both characters have for each other should only make both of them stronger in whatever area they’re skill lies in. Not just make the man a sudden defence wall and the woman a worrying mess. 

I’m sure everyone who reads this can immediately think of at least one drama with a FL who is a Performative Badass. I know I had about ten in mind as I wrote this. 

There are exceptions. Cases where the badass gets to stay a badass. Usually these cases happen in genres without romance because like I said above, those problems are linked. But I can think of a few romcoms/sageuks/melos where it happens too. 

But those are the minority.

Women in kdramas. Give them agency. Make their characterisation genuine, not just a bit-part for the sake of a cool trailer. Not just one moment someone can edit into a “badass multifemale” video edit - only for us to watch the drama from the clip and discover we’ve been sold a lie. 

How satisfied would we be?

Writers! Give us a story we enjoyed because of the excellent characterisation. A new female character we can add to our lists of faves. Women who proved themselves as consistently badass as their first scenes claimed. Women in kdramas who, no matter what problem they faced, don’t become echoes or paper-thin versions of who we were promised.

Actual, complex, layered, enjoyable, KICK-ASS AND BADASS female leads.

Wouldn’t that be a miracle.

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PS. This is an open notice that it’s OKAY to reblog with added commentary/thoughts/rambles of your own. I would *love* to see it if you have anything to add.

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(Disclaimer: This essay was written with a specific female character type in mind. I am not saying every FL needs to be a badass or hyper competent. Soft, shy, physically weak female characters exist and can be just as realistic and complex. There’s a few I can think of who I adore. Instead my essay is very specifically about characters who are *meant* to be badass from the start but then... don’t end up being. So, yeah, before anyone claims I’m some angry feminist who needs every FL to be some tough martial artist or something. Absolutely not! Diversity is amazing and interesting. All I ask is that when I am told I’ll be getting a badass in a drama I get her. Not have my heart broken by the fake wilting flower I find in her place. Ok. End disclaimer. ^^)

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Also I’m tagging a bunch of you because you reblogged my post saying you wanted this so here! TY for making it to the end ^^

@kdramaxoxo​ @islandsofchaos @storytellergirl @vernalagnia-blog @lostindramas @salaamdreamer​ @planb-is-in-effect​