#I’m now 23 and I’ve gotten worse over time

[mrsaltieri-real]

How did you discover Timothy? I personally found him through the show Justified and fell in love and went down a rabbit hole and found this blog! Just curious xo!

Oooh okay! Welcome to the madness by the way!

So, some background. I don’t come from the greatest of families. Was quite a neglectful household and my mom would just sit me in front of the TV while she went off and did her stupid shit. One day on my little pink TV she brought home Scream 2 on VHS. It was 2005 and I don’t think she really cared that it wasn’t appropriate for a whole child to be watching but I digress.

Anyway, 5 year old CJ watched the movie and instantly fell in love with Mickey. I watched that movie on repeat for, God, AGES although I don’t remember much of my childhood well due to repressed trauma blah blah. But regardless, rewatching Scream 2 when I was actually able to comprehend it? It hit so fucking different.

I know that was the first movie with Tim in it that I watched because there’s a picture of me that my late auntie took of me tucked up in bed watching Scream 2 and she used to tell me I’d throw a tantrum if anyone tried to take the tape away.

But the first movie I vividly remember first seeing Tim in was The Girl Next Door when I was seven. To this day I don’t know how I got a hold of that DVD (probably Blockbuster or something idk) but I was down BAD for Kelly. Like, to the point it was actually concerning. We had one family computer, an old, old piece of shit and I typed Timothy Olyphant into the fucking search engine and boom.

Beginning of the end.

Basically, the man unknowingly got me through the rough parts of my childhood and teenage life and was always something of a comfort. Now, almost to my mid-20’s, he still remains the only thing consistent. The man saved my life. He’s been my continuing fixation for years, YEARS and it won’t change any time soon. He’s just so comforting to me and always will be.

[moremaybank]

BACK FOR YOU — r.c

day four second chance with rafe cameron

pairing rafe cameron x fem!reader

summary months after your failed long distance relationship, rafe begins to send you love letters in an attempt to win you back.

warnings one allusion to sex closer to the end, but nothing else. just a lil angst and hella fluff. oh, and some language.

author’s note hi my loves, i’d really appreciate if you read this because i haven’t written a piece like this in a very long time and i’m actually really proud of it ♡︎ thank you ily

obx week ‘23 masterlist ;; rafe masterlist

Dear Y/N,

Hey. I know it’s been awhile, and I know that it’s weird — writing you like this. But something happened the other day, and I wanted to tell you about it. 

I was in the grocery store with Wheeze, picking up some cupcakes for her class bake sale because none of us actually know how to bake (which you know). When we got to the bakery section, I saw chocolate-covered strawberries, and I immediately thought of you. Remember how we used to go star-gazing? We’d pile the back of my pickup with pillows and those thick-ass, furry blankets from Costco, get all cozy, and you’d bring those chocolate-covered strawberries that you’d spent the day making just for me. You’d feed ‘em to me, grinning when I’d instantly chase your hand for another bite. And then afterward, you’d cuddle into me, and we’d just lay there, looking at the stars. You’d get this wondrous look in your eyes, like you’d never seen anything so beautiful. I had though. I got to look at you every day, and you beat the stars by a long shot.

Anyway, I ran into your mom at the club earlier. She told me that you were travelling, visiting every place you possibly could in Europe. Sounds like you. I bet you went to Greece first, you’ve had an obsession with it since you were fifteen. I know I always talked about taking you there. Who knows, maybe I still can. 

I miss you. Did I mention that? ‘Cause I do. I miss you all the time. 

Yours, 

Rafe

Dear Y/N, 

You didn’t answer that last letter, and that’s fine. I understand why. I never said how sorry I was for everything that happened last year, never really explained. But I will now.

I’m so sorry for how I ended things. Every day, I woke up at school, far away from you. It ached me to not wake up to you. To not see you every second of the day. To not hold your hand or see you smile as soon as you saw me. 

I missed everything. The smell of your lavender shampoo. Your hands running through my hair when I was stressed. You’d always kiss the frown off my face and fix everything just by telling me you loved me. The nights you’d call me when you couldn’t sleep because you needed to hear my voice. That cute little giggle you’d do after you’d been laughing for awhile. The way you’d look at me when you told me you loved me. There wasn’t a single reminder of you that didn’t constantly play on a loop in my head, that didn’t buzz deep in my veins. But I felt such a large void in my heart without you around, and I thought that if I broke things off with you that it would go away. But in the months since then, it’s only grown. Only gotten worse. I don’t think I’ll ever survive losing you. 

I hope this letter finds you well. I hope you open it, and maybe decide to write me back. No pressure, though. 

Yours always,

Rafe

Dear Y/N, 

I don’t know if you’re getting sick of these. I really hope you aren’t. I gotta admit, writing to you makes me feel like we’re still connected. I still think we are. At least, on my end, we are. 

Life’s been really crazy, lately. Ward’s getting ready to hand Cameron Development over to me. Every day he tells me that he hopes I won’t run the damn thing into the ground while he’s gone, travelling with Rose. I honestly don’t know why he would let me run things when he obviously doesn’t have an ounce of faith in me. You always told me that his love didn’t have to be earned, and I’ve always known that you were right, but it really feels like I’ll never have it. I wish you were here. You always make things better. 

Anyway, I’m on the road to Raleigh, and I can’t help but think about our crazy road trip last summer. We had no freakin’ clue where we were going, but honestly, I didn’t care. I just wanted to be with you. Your infectious laughter and your terrible singing along to All Too Well (the ten minute version, obviously) is what kept me going that entire drive. That, and when you’d shower me with kisses all over my cheek when you got bored. I loved that shit. 

I’ve been missing you like hell. I’ve already said this, but I really wish you were here. You’d make all this work worth it. ‘Cause, as of right now, I don’t really know why I’m doing all this. You aren’t here, and we don’t have the family we’d always dreamed about. Hopefully that changes in the near future. 

Yours (until my heart stops beating), 

Rafe

Dear Y/N, 

A little birdie by the name of Sarah let it slip that you’ve been keeping my letters. Truth is, I sent her to spy on you.

Okay, I didn’t. But I had you for a sec, didn’t I? 

I only know you have them because I begged her for hours to tell me how you were doing, and if you talked about me. Even then, I had to bribe her by saying I’d babysit the kids for an entire weekend so her and John B could go on a couples getaway. Totally worth it. 

Oh, and they threw me a party at work. Apparently I beat out Ward for some record. I don’t even remember what it’s called now. I had so much cake that I went into a sugar coma. It was red velvet, cream cheese icing. Your favourite. That’s probably why I ate so much. You’d go back for it so many times that by the time you were full, I’d be finishing all the rest. 

You still haven’t written me back, but that’s alright. Do it when you’re ready. If you’re ready. Again, no pressure. 

Anyway, I’m sitting here on my couch watching Gilmore Girls. Yes, I finally got around to watching it. I know you begged me to for ages and we never actually got the chance to do it, but it popped up on my ‘recommended’ the other day and I decided to give it a try. You were right. This show’s freakin’ hilarious. I swear Lorelai Gilmore is the reason you were always so witty with me. She’s so quick on her feet, it blows my mind. Also, please tell me that Rory becomes enjoyable again. I miss her Chilton days. I miss her and Jess. Does he ever come back? And please tell me that Luke and Lorelai are endgame. I mean, the horoscope!!! The man waited eight years for her. People probably thought he was crazy for doing so, but I get it. I’d wait centuries if it meant I got to end up with you. 

Yours (until the end of time),

Rafe

Dear Y/N, 

I’ve written you so many letters, I hope I’m not taking up too much space at your place. Hey, that rhymed. I should be a rapper. All right, I could never be a rapper. This is why I need you. You keep my delusional mind in check. 

The other day, I was on the ferry, riding over to the mainland, and when we reached, I swear I almost started driving to your house. Obviously, I didn’t. I chickened out. I thought about walking up to your doorstep, watching you open the door, and even dream-you was way too beautiful for me to handle. I almost gave myself a heart attack. One day, though, I’ll work up the courage. I wanna see you so badly, it’s killing me. 

Can I tell you something? I have this dream sometimes, more often than not. It takes place back when we were still in college. Instead of ending things between us, I drop everything and run to you. The journey takes all day long, but I don’t care. I make my way to you, and once I find you, I pull you into my arms and kiss the life out of you. You ask me what’s gotten into me, and I respond by saying that I never want to live without you. That being away from you is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with, and that life isn’t worth living if I’m not by your side. I get down on one knee, pull out a big ass rock from my pocket, and ask you to marry me. And you say yes. Every. Damn. Time. 

The reason I’m saying all this is because I want to give you a fair warning. I’m going to make that happen someday. Sure, we aren’t in school anymore, and we aren’t even together right now, but I don’t care. We’re going to end up together. I know it, and you know it. I promise you, Y/N, I’m going to come back for you. And when I do, I’ll never leave you again. The only place I ever want to be is right by your side, in our huge house that I’m going to build for us, with our kids running around and chasing our dog. The house will smell like a bakery all the time because of your huge sweet tooth, and it’ll most likely be a mess because we won’t be able to keep up with our crazy ass kids. But we’ll be together. And we’ll stay that way until we’re all old and grey. And I might be pushing it by saying this, but I’ll still be taking you to bed every night, ‘cause I know in my heart that you’ll still be getting me all bricked up even in our nineties. Please don’t hate me for saying that. 

Yours forever,

Rafe

You placed the last letter back into its envelope and added it to your large collection. Your heart warmed at Rafe’s declaration. You’d been rereading that one letter for a month now. You missed him terribly. You’d tried to write to him so many times, but each time you’d started, you just couldn’t go through with it. Your fear consumed you. You were petrified of the thought that once you opened yourself up again, Rafe would find another reason to leave you. You’d always known that it was hard for him to walk away from you, but it hurt you just the same. If not, more. 

Still, this was a side of him that you’d never seen before. He’d changed in the near year since you’d broken up. You could tell from the way he wrote to you. He’d never been as vulnerable and raw as he had been in those letters. He was bearing his soul to you, something he was always unable to truly do. There was always a small part of him that was closed off, even to you. But that part seemed to have vanished. 

Just as you placed the crate of letters back on your shelf, your doorbell rang. Your heart raced as you approached the door. You opened it, and there, finally, he stood.

Rafe slapped his hand to his heart. “God, I was right. Way too beautiful. Take it easy on me, would you?”

You didn’t answer. Instead, you threw your arms around his neck and practically jumped into his arms. He returned your embrace quickly, squeezing you tightly and keeping you pressed to him as one hand cradled the back of your head. 

After a moment, you hesitantly pulled away, your tears clouding your vision. You opened your mouth to speak, but Rafe beat you to it.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I love you. I love you so much. I—”

You cut him off. “—Shut up and kiss me, fiancé.”

“Fiancé? Yeah? You wanna marry me?”

“Of course I do. You’re still mine, right?”

“Yours,” he confirmed, punctuating it with a kiss. “Always.” Kiss. “Until my heart stops beating.” Kiss. “Until the end of time.” Kiss.

He leaned his forehead against yours, his eyes closing as he let out a content sigh. “Forever.” 

RAFE TAG LIST (JOIN HERE!): @surftrips @oncasette @taintedxkisses @maybankslover @goldenroutledge @penny4yourthoughts @bmo-bri @hemogloban @princessbetsy123-blog @slytherhoes @whoisdrewstarkey @dreamingwithrafe @vigilanteshitposting @twelfthmortalofcrimsonpalace @wildflwrdarlin @adoreyouusugar @f4ll-for-you @tell-me-when-ur-ready @bbycowboi @jjmaybankisbae @jjsbank444 @enhypens-hoe @loverofdrewstarkey @countryclubkook @earth2starkey @angelofcigs @koalalafications @aerangi @cantstoptheimagines @bloody-mf-bsc @maybanksbabe @slut4drudy @dancinglikeaballerina @somerandos-world @shahanaazsoumah @darleneslane @sya-skies @ellabellabus07 @emmalandry @madelynie @urbestieboo @cruzgrecia @l1lactheflower @rafegirly @thatsthewaythechrissycrumbles @gillybear17 @obaex @abbybarnesstuff @mattyskies

[wayfayrr]

Can I get a Christmas Pudding with a spiked eggnog to eat in?

Ps. love your work also when i checked your event gingerbread and candycane were a bit odd and didnt mention characters.. (as of 23:28 on dec 10)

order up - I hope you're happy with it <3

Yandere first 👀? It's been a minute since I've written for him but he's such a fun link to play with. I'll drop a warning for this though - he's got a few issues regarding divinity and theres a bit of blood/gore in it (although I know some people prefer that)

[Event masterlist]

It’s nice being in a village again since who knows how long. Having another link join us was a nice surprise, even though he’s a bit more awkward than the others. Just a shame his ‘Hyrule’, despite it not being named yet, was so terrible. So empty and dead, full of abandoned villages, at least those that are more than charred remains. 

“If you’re overwhelmed by the crowds we can go back to the inn if you’d prefer.”

His grip on my hand tightened as he seemed to think it over, he’s clearly uncomfortable but there seems to be something stopping him from simply admitting it. I could force the issue and change the question, maybe that could get and answer from him. 

“I was planning to go back anyway, might as well make the most of having a private room for now, right?”

“I suppose that it is getting late now.”

I know that links sacred form is a wolf, but does he really have to lean into the clingy puppy side of it? Not even the rancher is this bad as wolfie, and he’s a literal dog at that point. He isn’t asking to share a room with me though which is nice, even though he’s a link and kind at that, there’s something off-putting about him. 

“Mhm, I’m definitely certain, it’ll be nice to call it early for once too.”

“Right then dear.”

How is he already so comfortable with using pet names for me? He’s known me for less than a week, yet he already sounds like he sees himself as my lifelong partner or something. All of the others have those types of names for me too, but with them? It took a while for them to warm up to me, I wouldn't have stayed with them half as long if they were like this. 

“You remember where your room is right?”

“Actually dear, I wanted to ask if I could come to your room in a moment, I’ve gotten you a gift and I think it’s a good time to give it to you.”

…A gift alone in my room, what is he planning?

“I saw it in town earlier and I was just going get it for you so I could keep it a surprise.”

“You really don’t need to get me anything link.”

“I want to though, it’s the least I could do for you.”

Just a hum. I’m not going to be able to convince him one way or the other, am I? Really though, am I overthinking this, what harm could a gift cause after all? 

I don’t have to wait for too long though, taking the time to sort through my belongings and practice some of the stitches legend and wars taught me to mend my clothing. If I had to guess then I was only waiting for about thirty minutes till there’s a knock on the door. 

“Link you -”

“Why are you covered in blood?”

He’s just smiling. Smiling and holding a package in his hands. 

“I was just getting you a gift, my deity.”

“I-”

There’s no time to even respond as he’s shoving it into my hands as he walks in. I have so many questions but so few answers, why is he so bloody, why is it dripping, why is it warm? He’s looking at me so adoringly though, waiting for me to open it so politely. You know how to untie a knot [name], you can do this, you’ll only make it worse for yourself if you don’t open it. 

“Do you like my sacrifice for you, my deity?”

It’s a freshly butchered heart. Dripping with blood in my hands. He’s killed someone and torn out their heart to give me wrapped up as a gift. And now he’s looking at me for praise, he wants me to praise this. I feel like I’m about to throw up.

“You I… I don’t….”

“He was looking at you and trying to court you earlier and if there’s one thing that I learnt from hylia. It’s that gods adore sacrifices in their name.”

“But… I - I’m not…I’m not a god link.”

He doesn’t believe me, he’s got a sickening smile on his face like he’s done a good thing. Wait - why is he? The feeling of his blood sodden hand stroking my face is even more sickening than the heart still in my hold - why haven't I dropped it - he doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong. He’s proud. 

…What have I gotten myself into.

[babydollmarauders]

TEENAGER IN LOVE — TREVOR ZEGRAS

trevor zegras x fem! hughes!reader

pt. 2

request: “hi! can i request something with trevor zegras with the prompts 20 and 23 please? thanks sm!! 💗”

20. “can we stay like this forever?”

23. “sleep over? please?”

summary: in which y/n reminisces on how her and Trevor started their secret relationship.

notes: i changed up prompt 23 a little bit to make it fit better, i hope that’s okay!

i was listening to Teenager in Love by Madison Beer quite a bit while writing this so…

Trevor and y/n are in an established relationship during the first little “present” scene.

reader is 20 in the present and 19 in the flashback.

**PRESENT**

i’ve never felt comfortable on planes. it doesn’t matter where i’m sat or what i’m wearing or who i’m with, i don’t like planes. my family knows this, my friends know this, anyone who will listen to me talk knows this, my brother however, simply does not care. and now i’m stuck on the Devils charter plane, not even sat next to Jack because he’s busy sat next to Dougie, talking about some video game they both play. so i’m left beside Jesper Bratt, who’s already asleep after only being in the air for maybe half an hour.

i didn’t intend to even tag along on this road game to California, but i moved in with Jack a couple months ago and he apparently didn’t trust me to stay in New Jersey by myself, citing his reasoning as “i don’t want any chance of you having boys in this apartment.” but the joke is on him, because he’s really just providing me with a trip to see the only guy he should be remotely worried about, Trevor.

as the only girl, growing up with three brothers, they’ve always been a bit overprotective. and by a bit, i mean a lot. even Luke, who’s a year younger than me, has had his fair share of threatening guys “in the name of my safety.” all of their friends have gotten the “if you even so much as look at my sister, i’ll make sure you never see anything again” spiel, and for a good nineteen years, their friends respected that. until Jack’s best friend, Trevor, and i were left alone for a night at the lake house last summer.

**FLASHBACK**

-

all the guys have left for a party down the road, they even took Luke along with them for his first party as an eighteen year old, and i’m looking forward to a quiet night of watching romcom’s on the couch with no judgment and no one complaining that “that would never happen in real life!”

decked out in one of Quinn’s oversized Canucks shirts, pajama shorts, and some fuzzy socks; i’m lounged on the couch, wrapped in a fuzzy blanket burrito. i’m just about to hit play on a movie on netflix when the front door opens and shuts and i hear footsteps getting closer to the living room. averting my gaze from the tv, i look over in time to see Trevor freeze in the doorway to the living room, and i become acutely aware of my current state of no makeup and probably looking like a dork with my blanket draped over the top of my head.

i’ve never had a problem acting normal around any of my brothers’ friends. usually, they’re all just like extended family, unwanted additional older brothers. except Trevor. when Jack first brought him home during their USNTDP days, i immediately got a schoolgirl crush. and unlike usual crushes, it’s only gotten worse with time. luckily, Quinn and Jack have never seemed to notice my awkward and shy behavior when Trevor is around, but Luke has and he’s made it his mission to send me scowls and snicker at my misfortune whenever it happens.

“oh hey.” he cocks his head in one those ‘sup’ nods and takes a glance towards the tv screen before fixing his gaze back on me.

“hey. what are you doing back already? are the others coming back too? i can go back into my room. i don’t wanna be a bother or anything.” cue the embarrassing rambles.

“nah, it’s just me. feeling kinda homesick, i don’t really wanna be at a party tonight.” he shrugs his shoulder and sits on the arm of the couch next to me. “whatcha watching?”

“oh, i was just gonna watch a romcom, but it’s fine, i can watch it in my room. you can have the tv if you want.” i have to crane my neck some to look up at him from my spot. “i can leave you alone.”

i start to stand up, still wrapped in my blanket burrito when Trevor grabs the back of the blanket and tugs me back down onto the couch. he stands and walks in front of me before taking a spot on the cushion next to me.

“so, what romcom are we watching?” he asks, kicking his legs up on the coffee table in front of us.

“you don’t have to watch it. we can watch something else, if you want.”

trevor’s only answer comes in actions, grabbing the remote from my hands and clicking play on the movie. i don’t bother to fight him anymore, allowing myself to get sucked into the movie instead.

i’m sat rigid throughout the entire movie, keeping aware of my limbs, not letting any stray too far towards the cushion beside me. and about halfway through the movie i remember how weird i must look and move the blanket onto my lap instead of wrapped around me. i can barely focus on anything other than the fact that Trevor is sitting next to me. the fact that i can smell his sandalwood cologne. that if i were to lay my hand next to me, i would almost be touching him.

once the movie ends, i expect him to put on something for himself or even just go to his room, but instead he turns to look at me.

“you okay?” he asks. my eyes widen slightly before i catch myself and revert them back to normal.

“yeah, why?” i try to sound calm, but my voice is slightly shaky, and i’m just hoping he didn’t notice.

“you seem uncomfortable. did i make you uncomfortable? did i do something?” i shake my head a little too violently for someone who’s supposed to be calm.

“no! i’m not uncomfortable! why would you think that? i’m cool.”

oh my god people who are cool do not say ‘i’m cool’, what is wrong with me? he chuckles and i can’t help the small smile that breaks out on my face at the sound.

“i was just checking.” he puts his hands up in a surrendering gesture. “we should play a game.”

“what game did you have in mind?”

“truth or dare? i don’t know, i’m just bored.”

“sure.” i have a feeling this will not end great for me, but i’m not about to let him know that.

“okay. truth or dare?” we turn and sit criss-cross on the couch, facing each other properly as i weigh my options.

“truth.” safest option. he takes a second to think about his question.

“okay, i got one. does it ever annoy you, how overprotective your brothers can be?”

“oh yeah. one hundred percent. they have all these rules for me; don’t drink unless we’re with you, no dating until you’re 30, don’t leave the house unless you tell us where you’re going, don’t crush on any of our friends. it’s overwhelming sometimes. and i can never stick up for myself because they’re so quick to hurt whoever hurts me, which is nice, yes, but it’s definitely taken a toll on how i present myself. it’s made me shy and my friends say i can be a crybaby sometimes because i’ve never had to handle problems on my own. like, don’t get me wrong, i’m grateful for my brothers, they’re always there for me, but sometimes it’s just too much. ya know?”

he nods, genuinely seeming interested in what i had to say, and my heart flutters.

“i can’t say i understand because i’m the older brother in my family, but i can imagine it can be difficult sometimes.”

“anyways, truth or dare?” he ponders his options before choosing dare. “i dare you to text the guys and tell them you just watched a romcom. and you CAN’T say it was with me.”

he groans and lets his head drop back for a few seconds before pulling his phone out of his pocket and typing for a minute. turning the screen so i can see what he just wrote, he lets me press the send button.

To: Jack-Attack, Huggy Bear, Moosey Hughes

just watched this great romcom on netflix called Set It Up. you guys should watch it. 10/10

i let my own head drop back in laughter and let out an ugly cackle.

“truth or dare? you evil little witch” his mocking insult rolls straight off my back when i see the smile on his face.

“truth again.” i shrug when he raises an eyebrow at my safe choice.

“have you ever broken any of your brothers rules?” my mind short circuits. there’s only one rule i’ve broken, and that’s by liking him. do i admit that? or do i just say no? technically, he didn’t say i have to say which rule i’ve broken, so-

“yes. but you can’t tell them that i have! it has to be our secret! they’d pester me to no end until they found out which one i broke!”

“okay, our secret. promise.” he holds his pinky out, waiting for me to link it with my own. a pinky swear. how adorable. fuck. i bring my own hand up, linking my pinky with his before breaking away and setting my hand back in my lap.

“truth or dare?” i ask.

“truth.” i take a few seconds to think of a question. how is this harder to think of than coming up with a dare?

“what’s your favorite part about the off season?” it’s a relatively boring question, but the first one i thought of.

“oh that’s easy. coming here. i love spending time with you guys.” more heart flutters, i may need to get that checked out. “truth or dare?”

“don’t kill me; truth.” i joke and he laughs again.

“i should’ve expected that, shouldn’t i? alright, if you wanna keep doing truth, i’m just gonna dig deeper and deeper until you tell me your darkest secret, y/n. which rule did you break?” my stomach drops. can i forfeit? can i plead the fifth? is that a thing that you can do in truth or dare? i wouldn’t know, this is my first time playing. i think i’m just gonna have to say it. it’s not like he’ll ever know it’s him.

“you can’t tell them! remember that!” i remind him before admitting- “having a crush on one of their friends.”

his jaw drops and he lets out a completely fake gasp.

“that is not what i was expecting. i expected you to say the drinking rule or the telling them where you go rule. how scandalous, y/n! a forbidden romance!” his jokes make me feel slightly better, at least he’s not judging me.

“yeah, yeah! it’s not like i’m dating the guy.” i defend myself. “truth or dare, Zegras?”

“dare, i’m feeling adventurous.”

“i dare you to go in Jacks room and steal my book back for me. he took it away from me because he said reading was boring and this trip isn’t allowed to be boring.” he bursts out in laughter, barely able to form words for a few minutes before he speaks again.

“oh you’ve got me doing your dirty work for you! i respect it!” he leaps up from the couch and within a couple minutes he’s back on the couch, my book in his hand. he tosses it on my lap and throws a wink my way. “one book for the lady.”

“my sanity thanks you. i can’t start another book until i’ve finished this one and it was killing me slowly.”

“truth or dare? although, i don’t know why i bother asking at this point.” i roll my eyes at his sarcasm and decide to throw him a curveball. mostly for myself though because i have a feeling i know what his next question would be if i pick truth.

“dare.” he grins, and for a second i regret my choice.

“i dare you to tell me which friend you were or are crushing on. c’mon, i can keep your secret.” he asked it anyways. what the hell. i don’t think you can do that. can you do that?

“that’s basically a truth! i picked dare! that’s cheating!”

“it is not!” now it’s his turn to defend himself. “i DARED you to tell me! i promise i won’t judge you, or laugh, or tell your brothers!”

oh god, i’m gonna have to tell him, aren’t i? i mean, i could always just say one of the other guys. i could say Alex, he’s always been the sweetest to me, so i’m sure Trevor would believe it. but then he might say something. it’s not that i wouldn’t trust him to keep it a secret if i say someone else, but Trevor has a big mouth, and sometimes he talks without thinking. he could slip up. so it’s smarter not to lie, to avoid any trouble or confusion. so i close my eyes and count to ten before i say it. here goes nothing.

“you.” i still don’t open my eyes. too afraid of his reaction. but now he’s quiet and i don’t like the silence. oh god, is he disgusted? is he trying trying to figure out how to let me down gently? “don’t get weird. you don’t have to say anything. you can just forget you heard that. pretend you didn’t hear any-“

i’m cut off by his mouth crashing down onto mine. i freeze, overthinking everything, before eventually melting into the kiss. moving my lips against his. it’s slow and sweet, and not at all the reaction i was expecting from him. we pull apart and i allow my eyes to flutter back open, watching his face as he slowly breathes in and out. he catches my eye and a wide grin spreads across his face.

“i’ve wanted to do that since high school.” his hands grip my hips and i let him pull me onto his lap, straddling him. butterflies are flying around in my stomach and my heart is pounding against my chest, but i let my body relax into his.

“really?”

“yeah.” he confirms, leaning his forehead against my own. “the first time Jack had me over to your house, he gave this whole lecture about how you were off limits. and i thought ‘no problem.’ but then i saw you, and i got to know you, and it turned out to be a big problem. you’re so beautiful, and then you turned to be this sweet, funny, amazing girl. and god, i could not get you out of my head. i still can’t.”

this time it’s my turn to plant a kiss on his lips, this one a chaste peck. i slouch down and lay my head on his chest, wrapping my arms around his waist.

“can we stay like this forever?” i ask, but before he can answer, his phone buzzes on the cushion beside us, and he picks it up and curses.

“Jack just texted to say they’ll be home soon. he said Cole is wasted and they need to put him to bed.” i pull back and nod my head, moving to get off him. but he wraps his arms around my middle and holds us chest-to-chest. “do you want me to tell him you’re asleep? you can come in my room. we can just cuddle, nothing else necessary. but i just got you, and now i just wanna hold you.”

i smile and nod again, silently saying a thank you to whatever higher entity above granted me such luck as to have him like me back.

“yeah, i’d like that.” we get off the couch and make our way to his room, remembering to turn the tv off on our way out of the living room. he opens the door to his room and allows me to enter first before he comes in.

“you can go ahead and lay down, i’m just gonna change into some sweats first.” he walks over to his opened suitcase on the floor and pulls out a pair of grey sweatpants and a t-shirt before leaving the room, going into the bathroom across the hall. i do as he says and lay down on his bed, on my side facing the door.

it’s not but a moment after he gets back into the room and shuts the door, that we hear the front door of the house open and shut, followed by multiple pairs of footsteps and some mumbling.

“jesus Cole, you could help me out here and actually move your feet.” i can hear Quinn say as he passes by Trevor’s door, i’m assuming helping Cole to his room. Trevor snickers and comes over to the bed, clicking off the lamp before laying down behind me and putting his arm around my middle, pulling me close against him. after about 15 minutes i can feel his breath start to even out, and i look over my shoulder to see his eyes fluttering open and shut, obviously having trouble staying awake.

“you can go to sleep, Trev. i’ll go to my room once i know they’re all in theirs.” i whisper.

“no. sleep over here? please? i wanna hold you tonight.” his voice is soft and low so we don’t get caught, but also laced with sleepiness. i shake my head.

“what if one of them finds us in the morning? you know how my brothers will react.” at my words, he pulls his phone out of his sweatpants pocket and taps a few times before leaning over me and plugging it in on the nightstand.

“there. i set an alarm for 7am. you know the guys won’t even wake up before 10, so that gives us plenty of time for you to go back to your room before they can catch us.” i sigh and snuggle back into him.

“alright. i’ll sleep in here.” he plants a kiss on an exposed spot between my neck and shoulder and i can feel his smile on my skin.

[somber-sapphic]

Prompt List

Just as the title says, a list of prompts! Have fun!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Caretaker Sentence Starters:

1. “Oookay, you sure are delirious.” 

2. “Just can’t shake that cough, huh?” 

3. “Your complexion is scaring me, please sit down.” 

4. “You’ve kept that cough through two colds and it sounds like you’re on your third.” 

5. “Did you hide the thermometer from me?” 

6. “How much medicine did you take?” 

7. “You wanna walk by yourself? Alright, let's see that.” 

8. “When you said you were sick I thought you meant a cold, not the damn plague!” 

9. “Mm…I don’t think it’s just the sniffles this time honey.” 

10. “Please stop wasting what's left of your voice on complaints about soup you can’t even taste.”

11. “I can tell you’re sicker than you’re letting on.”

12. “This is the third time I’ve had to put you back in bed, why the hell do you want to lie on the floor so badly?” 

13. “I know you’re cold, but that blanket is gross now, you need a clean one, okay?” 

14. “Hey, it’s just a dream, wake up.” 

14. “You’re alright.”

16. “Are you okay?”

17. “Hey, hey, hey. I’m here.” 

18. “Go back to sleep darling.”

19. “How can I help?”

20. “You’re not up to this, you can barely stand!” 

21. “Go back to bed before you hurt yourself.” 

22. “Oh, you sound way worse than you did yesterday. What happened?” 

23. “You’ve gotta calm down for me, I can’t help unless you calm down.”

24. “Is the fever getting to you?” 

25. “Still don’t feel up to eating?” 

26. “I give you credit for lasting as long as you did, you were cooking in your own skin.”

27. “When was the last time you checked your temperature?” 

28. “Are you feeling any better?” 

29. “You really don’t look good…”

30. “Have you gotten any sleep?”

31. “You’ve been sick for how long? And you didn’t say anything because…?”

32. “C’mon, let’s get you to bed.”

33. “I made you some tea, you need to stay hydrated.”

34. “I know you don’t feel well, but you have to eat – just something light.” 

35. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this sick.”

36. “I’m sorry you’re not feeling well.”

37. “You really, really need to get some rest.”

38. “Your voice sounds like rocks scraping against sandpaper.” 

39. “You look like death warmed over.” 

Sickie Types (optional, but fun!!) 

99.9% Immunity - they never get sick, right? Wrong. 

Elephant in the Room - they’re sick, but for some reason, perhaps rank or personality, no one is talking about it. Until it gets bad.

Heroes Don’t Take Sick Days - there’s no time to rest when you have to save the world, so sickie has to push themselves even when miserable. 

Insult to Injury - as if being injured wasn’t enough, now they’re getting sick too. 

Ill Timed - it is the worst possible time for them to be sick, but their body didn’t get the memo. 

Irreplaceable - they are the leader or the boss and aren’t able to take personal time off, even when they’re sick.

It’s Nothing - they insist they’re fine, right up until they collapse. 

Medic Down - How do the other characters handle it when their usual caretaker is sick?

Milking It - if they’re sick, they’re at least going to get as much pampering out of it as they can. 

Not a Word - sickie said they don’t get sick and isn’t in the mood for anyone to remind them while they recover. 

Stepping Up - boss/leader is clearly miserable, so the others go out of their way to take as much of their workload as possible. 

Suffer in Silence - for whatever reason, they don’t want anyone to know they’re sick and do everything they can to hide it.

Team Mom/Dad - the typical team Mom/Dad gets sick, leaving the others to scramble to take care of them.

Sickie Scenarios:

🥀Feeling so out of it, they need constant attention.

🌹Barefoot sleeping wanderings. 

🪷Being let back to bed with patient whispers. 

🌷Collapsing into someone’s waiting arms. 

🌻Forehead kisses

🌼Being picked up 

🌸Being called things like baby, sweetheart or honey

🌺Shaky hands

💐 Waking up either adorably confused or painfully scared

🌾Comfort after a nightmare

🪴Medicine

🍀Nap

☘️Hand holding 

🌿Lullaby

🌴Reaching out for someone 

🌳Bath

🐍Thermometer

🌵Fingers running through sweaty hair

Sickie Sentence Starters (hehe, alliteration) 

1A“I don’t have time to sleep off a little cold.”

2A“I didn’t think it’d get this bad…”

3A“Shit. Did I wake you up?”

4A“It all hurts . . . so much. I just want it to be over already.”

5A“Why should you care?”

6A“I didn’t want you to see me like this.”

7A“Hold my hand, please?” 

8A“Relax, it’s just a cold.”

9A“Leave me alone.”

10A“Honestly, I’m fine.”

11A“I…I really don’t feel well.”

12A“Will you just hold me?”

13A“I wanna go home.”

14A“It’s a cough.”

15A“I am not taking my temperature.”

16A“My head hurts.”

17A“My throat just hurts too much.”

18A“Can I have some water? Please?”

19A“Can we cuddle?” 

20A“m’ sleepy.” 

21A“Everything’s fine, don’t worry about me.”

22A“Look, you worry about you, I’ll worry about me.”

23A“My god, you’re pushy.”

24A“Thank you. I’m sorry for being sick.”

25A“I don’t take medicine.”

26A“I’m NOT sick.”

[echodrops]

The Promises I’m Making (2024)

Sheesh, this year it was even harder than last year to make promises. In particular, I really wanted to focus on promises that wouldn't cost as much money as in prior years, so I tried to steer clear of too many promises that would cost above the basic spending amounts... But it turns out it is really hard to make resolutions if you're broke. 😂

So here's what I'm going with:

2024 Promises

1) Step down from my administrative position and return to being a full-time faculty member. I literally cannot take the clown show that is admin at my work anymore. It is actually killing me.

2) Related to this, redecorate my new office as soon as they decide where they are going to move me.

3) Apply for new jobs!! APPLY FOR NEW JOBS!!!

4) Train my replacement in the chair position well so they are super prepared to take over in fall.

5) Put a new sink/vanity in the downstairs bathroom of the Utah house.

6) Get both bedroom floors sanded in the Utah house upstairs.

7) Finally get rid of the dirt pile in front of the Utah house.

8) Take down the remains of the wooden fence posts at the Utah house.

9) Fully clean out and prepare the Utah house to be rented out to new renters. Hopefully the next people won’t sneak in a parrot that poops all over the floor… RIP…

10) Clean off my back patio/car port area so I can park my car there again.

11) Call the plumber and replace the faucets. Even if I end up having to do it myself.

12) Get the dead tree removed from the Texas house yard and call the internet company to see about the cable around the tree root.

13) Plant roses where the old ones died in front of the Texas house. 

14) Replace my CPU fan; the bearings are going out and it’s making an annoying noise.

15) Organize my documents (especially student papers)—my desktop and documents folders give me nightmares just looking at them. 

16) Related to that, lose at least 20 pounds. 2020-2023 was not kind to me and the stress eating was real.

17) Do at least one artwork to actually use that paint program I bought. 

18) Pay my credit debt down by at least $2000. I’m still paying off the hell year, but I hope I can make progress on this.

19) Buy all the Noragami volumes I am missing and do a complete re-read of Noragami now that the series is finishing up.

20) This is super nerdy, but my bro got me the FFXIV cookbook and made me promise to actually use it, so I guess I’d better at least try to make something from it.

21) Finish at least five books this year.

22) Update HaaH at least once. Please, Echo???

23) Reach the new level cap with all jobs in FFXIV!

24) Go to the graduation ceremony for my family friend.

25) Catch up with hanging up all the charms/pins I’ve gotten recently on my corkboards; these are just sitting in boxes/bags around the house. D;

26) Fully deep clean and vacuum/detail my own car at home. No more of the “It doesn’t make sense to clean it out now; the dog is just going to go back in it.” The dog is always going to go back in it. Clean it, Echo.

27) Help my parents tear out the carpet in my old childhood bedroom.

28) See at least three new species of birds. Doesn’t matter where, just three new ones!

29) Reach 3500 followers. Can I do it? You should follow me if you’re not already; I’m pretty cool. Just sayin’!

30) Cancel all the subscriptions I don’t need. There’s literally no reason to sit around letting companies passively profit off me when I don’t even really use the services/the services keep getting worse while the costs keep going up.

31) Go out on at least a day trip to take pictures with my friend. We haven’t done this in quite some time. I need to touch grass.

32) Repair the lovely one-of-kind ceramic plate that my dog broke with kintsugi. I want to try it at least once!

33) Really look hard for my passport in my house. It’s been missing for like a year and a half now, and I don’t want to have to pay for a new one.

34) Put all the small prints, postcards, and stickers I have collected in my new mini-print books. I can even use up washi tape to decorate too. (Finally, a purpose for the washi tape…)

35) Shred the million pieces of old mail I have lying around the house. I finally got the shredder so it just makes sense to use it.

36) Have more follow-through with chores. It’s not enough to wash the clothes or do the dishes if I then procrastinate on folding the clean laundry and putting the dried dishes back in the cabinets…

37) Put reminders for birthdays and major events in my phone as well as set a monthly reminder to check these promises. Maybe I’ll be able to keep more promises if I look at the list more often throughout the year!

38) Since I can’t afford to go to the salon, spa, etc. too much this year, I should at least do some self-care days at home. Will this be the year I finally manage to use all the fancy scrubs and face masks and bath salts I keep getting from people?

39) Use up one whole notebook. It doesn’t matter what goes in the notebook, but I gotta use the whole thing from cover to cover. I have so many pretty notebooks that never get used just because they’re pretty.

40) Change the burned-out lightbulbs in the recessed lighting in the Texas house ceiling. It’s like twelve feet high and the lightbulb charger stick I bought didn’t work, so I’m going to have to find someone with a ladder. Save me, handyman. Save me.

41) Build the pretty koi paper lantern my brother got me, or the Korean temple model my coworker gave me after his trip to Korea.

42) Actually use the yoga mat I bought forever ago. At least a few times, please???

43) Finish watching the Fruits Basket remake with Kacchan. I think we stopped in the second season, RIP.

44) Spend more time with coworkers—go out to lunch more often.

45) See about removing the PMI from at least one of my house loans to try to save money. I’ve been paying on these loans long enough I shouldn’t need PMI anymore.

46) Practice my German skills (or I guess other language skills?) by translating something at least once a month.

47) Get a new bookshelf. The current ones in both my office and foyer are already overflowing. @_@

48) Make more time to call people and talk on the phone. Texting is not the same. D;

49) Get the new COVID vaccine to stay healthy.

50) I will keep my promises! 

Good luck, 2024’s me!

[the-lonelyshepherd]

12, 23, 25 for yellowjackets:3

helloooooo 😁😁😁 tysm for the ask grin

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them.

uhhh ummm. travis. travis. i’ve said this so many times yall need to wake tf up on travis if i did a 180 on travis you can too

first watch? lwk despised his ass. also bc i was looking at fandom shit immediately after and was just o caught up i was like yeah haha annoying and misogynistic MAN whys there a MAN in my GIRLS show. but ohhhh man first rewatch??? when i was like okay i have to acc form opinions???

first of all. travis is not nearly as misogynistic as yall make him seem. he makes asshole comments in the beginning yes. his whole point is CHARACTER GROWTH!!! instead of getting worse like most of the girls travis actually has a little bit of a growth arc (cough cough transfem travis WHO SAID THAT). like yall take his original character and see that as him when the whole point is how he changes. that’s not how you’re supposed to watch a show. but yeah there’s other male characters who are lwk also misogynistic that don’t get any shit for it. i wonder why.

secondly he’s SO FUCKING COMPELLING. like AUGH just honestly am not coherent enough to put it into words rn but like him and javi and his dad, and nat and lottie and whatever they have going on and also the jackieshauna connections just.agh

he’s so important to the story he pulls so much together. his story is of GROWTH it’s of LOSING HIS OLD SOCIETAL VALUES THAT WERE IMPRINTED ON HIM!! it’s of recognizing femininity and ACCEPTING femininity!!!! and daddy issues and brother issues it’s complicated teen romances it’s vomiting over your fathers grave it’s getting laid for the first time high out of your mind while you don’t really want to and neither does the other girl it’s hallucinating the makeshift messiah while having sex with your girlfriend right before eating the girl you lost your virginity to its getting up before sunrise every day to trek through the snow to look for your little brother while everyone else thinks he’s dead and it’s eating your brothers heart while only just having gotten him back. because you have to let your brother save you. i’m going to actually throw up

i don’t think that was coherent but yeah. trav is 😁🔫

23. ship you’ve unwillingly come around to

HMMMM there’s not a lot of ships i WASNT like yes!!! let’s go!! about. okay keeping w the theme of the last one, as i liked travis more i liked travnat more but in a horrible fucked up way also they’re lesbians to me. they make me want to kill myself.

on a more casual note i used to really not like mistynat but we’re chill now i think i just needed to get used to misty lol.

25. common fandom complaint you’re sick of hearing

OH!! adult timeline was so bad

NO IT WASNT. ITS ARGUABLY LIKE MORE IMPORTANT TO THE MESSAGE OF HOW TRAUMA AFFECTS PEOPLE TRHOUGHOUT THEIR LIVESSS. like it’s everything COMING BACK TO THEM. i’ve seen people say they just skipped all the adult scenes honestly if you did that just block me like you have nothing of value to say. you didn’t watch like half the show. grow up.

anyways these are probably my more controversial ones out of the ones i’ve answered 🤭 we will see. tysm for the ask grin :)

[thaliaisalesbian]

i get myself twisted in threads

Chapters: 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30

Chapter 31: could it be easy this once?

“Jon, come on, it’ll be fun.”

“Working at the mall together?”

“Yeah! Nancy said she might if her internship at the paper falls through.” Why Steve is looking at those applications this early, Jonathan’s not sure. The internships are different; everyone knows the mall is going to be desperately hiring when it opens.

“I’ll think about it.” He’s working on getting an internship at the paper, too, though Steve might be right. Don’t malls sometimes have photo stations? He’ll have to look into it. Maybe he’ll find a record shop or something, that might work too.

He and Nancy were really looking forward to working together, though.

They’ve still got time, anyway.

“Are you doing anything for your classes over the summer?”

“No, I don’t think so. I don’t know that it would be a good idea, anyway. Probably better to work and get something saved up.”

For what? As far as Jonathan knows, Steve’s parents aren’t going to kick him out or stop paying on the utilities when he turns eighteen, though honestly it wouldn’t be too surprising if they did.

“My mom called. She talked my dad around, apparently. He’s still upset that I didn’t get into any colleges.”

“Talked him around from what?” Nancy doesn’t even bother knocking anymore; Mom had somehow gotten Steve’s house key and made copies at the same time she made copies of their house key. Jonathan is not going to ask questions.

“He wanted to send me to a military school, though I’m not sure how that would have worked for him after I turned eighteen. After that, the plan was for me to pay the property taxes and utilities.”

“What are you actually going to have to pay for to stay there?” Steve doesn’t even seem upset about this. He must have been expecting worse news.

“Just groceries and gas for my car, still. At least until I graduate high school. Mom’s convinced him to start up my allowance again because ‘at least I’m trying to graduate’. It’s a lower amount, though.”

“How much do you have saved already?”

“I’ve got cash hidden in three spots in my room.” Steve says. “They’re still on my back account, I can’t take them off until I’m eighteen, so if they wanted to shut it down they could. Probably about two grand, total. I don’t know how long it would last me if I needed it. I’d rather have the extra, just in case. If something happens and I have to leave, my dad will shut down my accounts and I’d have nothing.”

Jonathan hasn’t even looked at his bank account in at least a year. He cashes his checks in sometimes, but mostly Mom just takes his to the banks with hers and puts them all in at once.

Though she hasn’t really been doing that for the past year or so; he’ll have to ask why.

“What about the money from Owens?” Nancy paces for a minute. “Where’s that? Mike and I both have some; we can’t access the full amount until we’re twenty-one, but there’s a monthly allowance put into an account our parents don’t know about for us.” When neither of them say anything, she continues. “Jonathan, your mom would probably have yours, because she’s in the know, Steve, you should have at least some of yours.”

“No one ever said anything to me about that.” 

“Really? They talked to Mike and I when we signed the NDAs. I’m planning on using it for college.”

“I’ll have to check with Mom.” Jonathan says slowly. She has been really insistent lately that he doesn’t need to work, but she’s always done that. And there have been some repairs done on the house, but he’d figured some of that was paid for by Owens, after everything. “She hasn’t said anything to me, if that’s the case.”

But then he thinks about some of the art supplies Will has now; how Mom had brought him new film rolls for his camera; they have a new stove, even.

“You should. Steve, you might want to talk to Hopper.” Nancy’s got a plan going already, grabbing paper off of Steve’s desk and writing out the details.

If they have this money, then he can go to college without having to take out loans, probably. Especially if he gets a scholarship.

But then, if they have all of this money, why haven’t they moved? Gotten a bigger house, or added onto it or something?

Mom has to have a reason for that.

He wants to call her right away, but she’s at work, so it’ll have to wait. Jonathan doesn’t want to get her in trouble with her boss.

“What do you want for dinner?” Steve leans into him so that he can whisper and not interrupt Nancy’s muttered calculations and planning.

“How about that pasta bake you were telling me about the other day?”

“Yeah, I can do that. Chicken or ham? We’d have to throw the chicken on the grill, but the ham could just go right in.”

“Ham.” Sounds easier than chicken.

“Nance, you can plot your world domination in the kitchen, we’re making dinner.” Steve pulls her up smoothly, then does the same for Jonathan—only he sends them both to the floor instead.

“Really, Steve?” He kisses Steve’s cheek anyway.

“What, I’m not allowed to help you up now?”

“Not if we both end up on the floor. Did you hit your head?” When Owens and Irene had come by for a check-up last week, they’d told them about the concussion and bruising.

Now, they just have to convince Steve to go in for a bunch of scans to make sure he's okay. Owens said it’d be covered, so he won’t have to worry about his parents finding out through insurance or something.

“Wait, what are you making?” Nancy holds one of Steve’s crutches out to him, looking a little startled when he actually takes it.

“It’s a surprise.” Steve tells her. “You just worry about world domination. Jonathan and I will take care of everything else.”

“Everything else?”

“Yep. Your wish is our command.”

“Just name the time and place.” Jonathan adds. “If you’re going to take over the world, you need minions, right?”

“That’s what the kids are for.” Nancy’s mouth turns up at the corners. “You two wouldn’t be mere minions.”

“Then what would we be, my lady?” Steve asks, more dramatic with every word. “Your harem, kept up in a room for you to admire as you wish? Your enforcers? Arm candy?”

“I’ve heard that you can be quite threatening with that nail bat, Steve.” Nancy muses. “But we can’t have you getting any more injured, so publicly you’ll be arm candy. You’ll be in charge of the kitchen for the appearance of keeping you busy when you’re not with me, and you’ll make me any dessert I request. Jonathan, you’ll be in charge of making sure most of the place looks like it came right out of a photograph, and of course you two will have to switch off on your arm candy duties.”

She pauses at the bottom of the stairs, turning to grin up at them. “And secretly, you’ll be my most trusted advisors.”

“Why secretly?” Jonathan asks. Not that he minds; he doesn’t know of many people who would call him arm candy, especially next to Steve, and, well, he really likes that Nancy does.

“Well, if no one knows you’re my advisors, then why would they target you for anything? You’d just be my pretty boys.”

Steve stumbles a little, but Jonathan can’t tell if it’s because of what Nancy said or if it’s because his crutch slipped; he grabs his arm either way.

“You’ll have to tell us more while I—” Jonathan tightens his grip a little as Steve falters again, “while we make dinner. What would you make your little minions do? I can think of a few things for the shitheads.”

“I’m sure we all can think of more than a few. But that’s not the important part… yet. We have to get there first.”

“Whatever you say, High Lady.”

“No, that’s not going to work as a title.”

Their world domination chatter slows as their dinner bakes, and by the time they’re done eating and cleaning up, Nancy and Jonathan have to go home.

It’s a shame, really. Jonathan was looking forward to seeing how many times he and Steve could make Nancy blush with different titles for her new-found position.

finish on ao3 or continue reading

Once she’s safely in her room, Nancy lets herself think a little more about this world domination plan.

Mostly, she lets herself think how Steve had reacted when she’d called them ‘pretty boys’, and although Jonathan had been better at hiding it, she thinks he liked it too.

That just means she’s going to have to use it more often.

“Nancy! Joyce Byers is on the phone for you!” Mom must still be by the phone downstairs. She checks the clock; it hasn’t quite been long enough for Jonathan to make it back home yet, if that’s what Joyce is calling about.

“Hey, Joyce.” She hears her mom get off the line on the other phone.

“Hi, Nancy.” For a minute, she can forget that she’s talking to her boyfriend’s mom. It feels like Barb one of her friends has called and they’re about to talk about their plans. “It’s been a few weeks since I’ve seen you, I just wanted to check in.”

“Oh. You’re—you’re not calling about Jonathan?”

“No, he just pulled in, he’s fine. I know things have gotten busier, and it’s different now that Steve’s not staying with us or with Jim—” She always forgets that Joyce calls Hopper Jim. It is his name, and they’re both adults, so it makes sense, but it still feels so weird to think of him as ‘Jim’. “But we’ve had some good conversations, when we get the chance.”

Most of those are just Joyce giving her advice. Usually about dating her boys.

She hasn’t been wrong yet. Nancy wants to know how Joyce figured all of this out.

“We do.” Nancy agrees. “I miss talking to you, too.” She doesn’t realize how true it is until she says it.

“Well, I have the day off tomorrow—how about a girls’ lunch, and if we feel like it, we can invite the boys for dinner.”

“Girls’ lunch meaning just us…?”

“Max and Jane are included in that.” Jane. Right. That’s the name they’re using for El when they’re not supposed to be talking about her.

Nancy hasn’t found out why; she’ll have to ask. “Just tell me when and where.”

“Jim is dropping Max and Jane off at noon, but you can come by before that if you want. Eleven, maybe?”

“If you’re hoping I can help cook, Jonathan can tell you that I’m hopeless.”

“I’m sure you’re not as bad as I am.” Muffled, she hears, “I’m talking to Nancy, honey.”

“I’m worse, ask him.” Nancy says.

“She is!” Jonathan’s further away, and she just saw him, but hearing his voice makes her smile anyway.

“What do you say, Nancy?”

“Sounds like fun. I’ll bring my nail polish and some dress-up clothes. Max might not be into it, but E-Jane might find something she likes.”

“You’re a good one, Nancy.” She can hear Joyce’s smile in her voice. “Jonathan’s taking the boys to the arcade for most of the day; I think Jim wants to check in with Steve. And then we can have a family dinner afterward.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that sounds nice.” Mom’s probably not going to be too happy, but Nancy doesn’t care. Mike won’t be home for dinner either.

“I’ll let you go, then. Don’t stay up too late!”

“I won’t.” She promises. “Have a nice night, Joyce.” Is it wrong that sometimes she wishes Joyce was her mom?

Predictably, her mom comes up to ask what the call was about.

If she was just going to ask anyway, she might as well have stayed on the line.

“Joyce just wanted to know if I wanted to have a girls’ day with her and the girls in Mike’s friend group tomorrow. I’ll be going over around eleven.”

“That’s sweet of her, to give them a break from all those boys.” Nancy wonders if one of them requested it. El might have, but given how attached she is to Steve, it seems more likely that she would have wanted a day with him.

Max… she doesn’t really know Max all that well. She doesn’t know if Max would have wanted a day away from the boys or not. Maybe she’d rather be beating them at arcade games.

“Yeah, it’ll be fun. I’m going to bring some of my old clothes for them to try on. They’ll be out of style by the time Holly is big enough to wear them, Mom.” She rolls her eyes when her mom tries to protest.

“Who are those girls? The redhead and who else? Someone at school?”

Fuck. What is she supposed to say about El?

“No, she doesn’t go to school yet. She’s staying with Chief Hopper for now, she was in a bad situation and school would probably be a little too overwhelming for her yet.”

“Oh, I see.” Her mom doesn’t step into the room, just stays in the doorway. How long is this going to go on? Normally she would have shut the door by now. “Well, you have a good time. Mike’s going to the arcade, and then he’s eating dinner at the Byers’.”

“I’ve been invited to dinner too, if I’m still there.”

“Of course you have. I’ll have to see if there are any movies Holly might like, then, and take her out. Just… you and Mike both be back before nine. Tomorrow’s a school night.”

“I’ll make sure we are, Mom.” She can’t tell what her mom’s thinking. It’s not like she told them she had anything planned for tomorrow; if she had, then Nancy would have declined the dinner invite. Mike would grumble about it a lot, but he’d make sure he was home for dinner, too. “I’m sure you and Holly will find a movie. Or you could bake something together, I remember we did that when I was little. It was always fun.”

That was before Mike was around, and when he was a baby. She and Mom had their special baking time when he was down for his naps, because Nancy had been ‘too big’ for naps.

By the time Mike was three, they’d become a monthly event instead of a weekly event. She’d been in school by then, so that limited their time, but they’d had weekends.

And when her mom found out she was pregnant with Holly, it seemed like the world had stopped. It’d only gotten worse after Holly was born.

It’s like her mom lost a part of herself, or something, and she didn’t know how to get it back but now she’s trying.

But she can’t make up for the years she’d missed, even when she’d been physically present.

Nancy hasn’t thought about baking with her mom like this in a while. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed it.

“I’ll see if she’d like that.” Nancy has to restrain herself from saying ‘she will.’ Holly had been so happy when they’d made cookies with her. “If you want to, Nancy, we could try something a little more complicated now that you’re older. Just you and me, like we used to.”

“Yeah, I would like that. But I’m not very good at baking. Or cooking. Or anything other than mixing.”

“I remember your salty cookies.” Her mom smiles. “It was nice of you to try. I can teach you, you just need practice. I’ll go shopping this week and if you don’t have plans next Saturday, we can do it then.”

She’d been hoping to see Steve and Jonathan next Saturday, but given that she wants to spend pretty much all of her time with them, she’s going to have to disregard that thought for now.

“Next Saturday sounds good, Mom.”

“Good. I’ll set up a play-date for Holly, and talk to Mike about what he’d like to do so we can have the house to ourselves.”

As rough as things have been lately, Nancy’s just glad that her mom is at least trying now.

<- 30 32 ->

[thistleandthorn-rpg]

Name: Archie Andrews Designation: sub Age: 23 Birthdate: June 17, 2001 Faceclaim: K.J. Apa Orientation: Pansexual Kinks: Pretty open to anything his partner wants to try as long as it’s not in the anti kinks list Anti-Kinks: scat, gore,

Key Points: 

Archie is fiercely protective of his two brothers, and when bad things happen to them it effects Archie much worse than he’s willing to admit.

Skilled athlete and musician

Feels guilty over not being able to help his little brother sooner than he did.

He is loyal to a fault.

BIO 

To say Archie Andrews was complex was almost too simple of a way to describe the young man. He had always tried his best to follow the rules and take care of everyone. He was the ‘All-American jock’ because it was what his father wanted for him. It was supposed to be a way out from having to live day to day, a good day being just barely making ends meet. Not having to struggle and take any random job or having to help out with his father’s business just because his dad wasn’t making enough money to pay an employee to do it. On the other hand he wanted to pursue music, and always tried to find ways to sneak off and play for his friends, or at open mic nights or talent shows. All that changed when his father died, even though he and Danny were the same age, Archie felt like it was his responsibility to step up and take care of Danny and Noah. He put behind his dreams of doing something in music, and gave up on his father’s dreams of him being a football star as a way to get out of town and took over running the business for his father. While most of his time was spent at work he was still able to help Noah when he needed him the most.

Archie knew he had done all that he could to help his younger brother, but he still felt an immense amount of guilt for it getting as bad as it did. He tried to make up for it in every way he could, including hiding his own thoughts on the D/S system so that he and his brothers wouldn’t get into a fight over it. That didn’t stop Archie from feeling a sense of comfort when he had gotten his mark. Most people would have expected him to be upset that he was marked as a sub and not a dom but he wasn’t. He always enjoyed helping everyone out and doing things for them no matter how big or small, but now he felt as if being marked as a sub offered him a level of relief. He didn’t have to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders anymore, in fact if someone claimed him there would always be someone there to catch him if failed.

BIO QUESTIONS

What are your feelings about the mark you have received? 

I know there are some people who are surprised by it, but I’m okay with it. I’ve always had to step up for others so I could see this as being a good thing. How do your feelings on the system compare to your parents’ feelings on it? Well I’m not sure about mom, she hasn’t been around much since her and dad broke it off. I think my views on it are closer to my dad’s, but I might be a bit more accepting of it.

Where do you see yourself after you graduate? 

Hopefully in a claim, maybe getting back into my music.

How do you feel about authority?

I’m for it, but only as long as it’s not purposefully used to hurt people or keep them down.

[dyinggoosenoises]

1-25 new years ask game

yesssss

1. Song of the year?

Good As It Gets by Little Hurt

2. Album of the year?

I don’t really listen to albums

3. Favorite musical artist / group you started listening to this year?

Noah Kahan

4. Movie of the year?

uhhh I don’t watch many movies but probably Nimona

5. TV show of the year?

Young Royals :]]

6. Episode of tv or webisode that defined the year for you?

hm I’m not really sure what this question is asking

7. Favorite actor of the year?

Ruby Cruz 😌😌

8. Game of the year?

Board game or video game? I don’t really play board games unless it’s with my family so my favourite video game was Tears of The Kingdom

9. Best month for you this year?

August for so many reasons

10. Something that made you cry this year?

I cried a lot but the worst was probably when I threw up a ton on our trip to Europe and sobbed for like an hour straight

11. Something you want to do again next year?

Uhh go to winter camp with pathfinders

12. Talk about a new friend you made this year

I became friends with this girl from pathfinders and now we’re pretty close!

13. How was your birthday this year?

It was fun! I invited some friends over and we hung out

14. Favorite book you read this year?

My current read, Gwen & Art Are Not In Love

15. What's a bad habit you picked up this year?

I didn’t pick it up this year, but my nail biting has definitely gotten worse

16. Post a picture from the beginning of the year

I don’t actually have many pictures of myself so this one is from May lol (this is my favourite dress literally ever btw)

(also this photo is from right after I tripped and scraped my elbow really badly so you can see the bandage)

17. Post a picture from the end of the year

The most recent photo of myself that I have is the absolute worst quality but oh well

18. A memorable meal this year?

Umm idk my mum’s beef stew??

19. What're you excited about for next year?

Going on a trip with pathfinders to Toronto!

20. What's something you learned this year?

I learned that I am not in fact a girl

21. What’s something new about your place of residence (room, home, or general location) now vs the start of the year?

I got a new window in my room, and we redid the upstairs floors to hardwood instead of carpet

22. Favorite place you visited this year?

Ireland and Scotland (and England) definitely, I’ve got some really pretty pictures from there

23. If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be?

I’d tell myself that it’s okay to still be figuring myself out

24. Did you keep any New Year’s Resolutions?

I didn’t have any in the first place

25. Did you create any characters (in games, art, or writing) this year? Describe one

I already described Ozzy and Micha when I answered this the other time so instead I’m gonna tell you about Claire. She’s my pjo OC and she’s a daughter of Iris. She’s 23 and she basically adopted Ozzy. She works a part time job while getting her degree in New Rome, and is slowly falling in love with a non binary classmate that I haven’t named yet

[middle-earth-mythopoeia]

12, 19, 22, 23

Thanks for the ask! :) Someone else asked me 12, 19 and 22 as well, so this is for both of you.

The unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them:

Emeldir! It’s not that she’s unpopular, exactly. She’s just a female character in the Silmarillion, and she doesn’t appear very often at that, so all of this gets her thoroughly ignored. But I think she’s fascinating and I wish more people talked about her. (Goodness knows fans devote plenty of time and attention to male characters more obscure than she is.) I wrote a longer post about her here. There needs to be more about Emeldir!

Speaking of obscure characters—not unpopular per se, just obscure—I feel like people should pay WAY more attention to Miaulë. We need to talk about Miaulë. I love him. I’m obsessed with him. I will not rest until the whole world loves him as much as I do. I have a similar soft spot for Tevildo, and I’ve even tried justifying his inclusion in the later mythology. Which goes double for Miaulë. All hail Miaulë!

You’re mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

I don’t really feel shame—I just enjoy things! But horrified? That’s different! Once I stayed up until literally 4am deciphering a manuscript from the LOTR movies written in the mode of Beleriand (but in English, it’s not like I actually know Elvish). Keep in mind that I didn’t read the mode of Beleriand at the time—I’m way more comfortable with the Sindarin mode and I’m alright with the Quenya mode—and I was like, “Oh, this page is in the mode of Beleriand! Well, that won’t stop me!” And I chose the middle of the night to do this?! Anyway, AFTER all that, I found a link to the transcription. But it was a fun challenge.

AND THEN I decided to read this other manuscript in the mode of Beleriand, Thorin’s letter to Bilbo (this one was written by Tolkien himself). It was even harder, because not only is it in tengwar, not only is it in the mode of Beleriand, the handwriting is also very difficult in parts AND the spelling is weird. I had so much fun. And then I was like, “What the fuck is wrong with me?” (Note: I didn’t read it with a copy of the letter in English to refer to. Oh, no. That would have been too sane.)

This was in 2020. I’ve only gotten worse since then.

Another time someone asked me, “There seem to be a lot of twins in Tolkien’s books—are there more twins in Middle-earth than in the modern world?” And then I, myself a twin, determined to answer this question definitively, made an Excel spreadsheet of all named Tolkien characters and what percentage of them are twins, and I found that the number of twins in Tolkien is about the same as we have now, or lower, depending on which characters you count. But it’s not higher! So now we know.

Another time I saw a post saying, “But are we SURE that all of Tolkien’s male Elves had long hair?” So I opened my PDF of LOTR and did a word search for “hair” and looked at all the examples. And then I opened my PDF of the entirety of HOME and did another word search for “hair” (there were over 400 mentions) and also “locks” and other synonyms, and then I looked at EVERY SINGLE ITERATION in order to prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Tolkien’s male Elves have long hair. Because I’m insane, but I’m also right.

Another time I spent literally hours trying to calculate how long it would have taken Fingon to reach Angband on foot when he set out to rescue Maedhros, depending on how far he travelled each day, etc. We’re talking actual math here. Measuring distances on the map of Beleriand. Entering different variables. I was very dedicated.

Am I normal? No. Do I feel shame? Also no. Do I sometimes horrify myself nonetheless? Yes I do.

Your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores:

I love this question. It’s hard to answer because I have so many favorite parts of canon that most people ignore. (Like the entirety of the Lays of Beleriand.) Admittedly, whether this is part of canon is debatable because it’s from the Book of Lost Tales, but I absolutely love this part. For context, Ælfwine and his companions had been looking for Valinor for years and had almost given up hope of ever finding it, and then this happens:

Then none spoke for wonder and amaze, seeing deep in the gloaming of the West a blue shadow, and in the blue shadow many glittering lights, and ever more and more of them came twinkling out, until ten thousand points of flickering radiance were splintered far away as if a dust of the jewels self-luminous that Fëanor made were scattered on the lap of the Ocean… Then came there music very gently over the waters and it was laden with unimagined longing, that Ælfwine and his comrades leant upon their oars and wept softly each for his heart’s half-remembered hurts, and memory of fair things long lost, and each for the thirst that is in every child of Men for the flawless loveliness they seek and do not find. 

It is IMPOSSIBLE for me to read this without getting chills, or without it bringing tears to my eyes. The blue shadows? The lights? The music? The flawless loveliness they seek and do not find? Tolkien captures such a bittersweet feeling in this passage that it’s actually excruciating, because we can’t go there. What happens next is that Ælfwine leaps from the ship and goes to Valinor, and his comrades never see him again. The reader, like Ælfwine‘s companions, is left behind—allowed to see the Undying Lands for just a moment, but never able to go there. The feeling I get from this is very similar to the feeling I get at the end of LOTR, when we catch a glimpse of Valinor through Frodo’s eyes—but that’s it. And even though it makes me sad, I love it so much and I wouldn’t wish that it be written any other way.

A ship you’ve unwillingly come around to:

Alcarondas. I don’t like the fact that Ar-Pharazôn tried to make war on Valinor, obviously, but the ship itself was pretty cool. (Sorry for answering this in such a chaotic way, but I couldn’t resist!)

[hakirachan]

Hey guys. Hakira here. Just a rant below the cut, read if you want. Or don’t. I don’t care.

I usually don’t vent on this blog. It’s mostly full of crack, shits and giggles, which is why you probably weren’t expecting this kind of post. But I just need to explain something in case I suddenly stop posting one day. (I know you guys probably don’t care; in fact, most of y’all probs won’t see this, but I needed to post this anyways. Sorry.) It’s kinda depressing so feel free to keep scrolling now that you know that.

So, I’m at a really shitty point in my life. It feels like everyone’s against me, like I’ve got almost nobody supporting me, and I feel like I’m hated by everyone I’ve ever looked up to. I know, sooo original. Well, it’s deeper than that.

I’m still living with my parents (somehow), but it’s always been pretty toxic ever since I was a kid. As the youngest, I can guarantee that the “youngest sibling is the favorite child, oldest gets all the work” stereotype is complete bullshit. I was told to do some things that kids that age shouldn’t have had to do. At just 6-7 years old, I was forced to take heavy bags & boxes (and I mean 40-50 pounds each) of my dad’s old shit down to the curb and wait there until they got picked up by his friend (“to make sure it didn’t get blown away” or something like that) in the middle of a fucking snowstorm, with temps below -10 degrees Fahrenheit [around -23 degrees Celsius]. Almost lost my fingers from that. They made me set out & pack up most things for a family campout on my own when I wasn’t even staying at the campsite; I was staying home with a mean, nicotine-addicted (took out a cigarette the moment my parents pulled out of the driveway; refused to stop smoking even though the smoke was making my 8-year-old body nauseous) babysitter because I had a B- in one of my classes. I know this doesn’t sound that bad, but the problem is that I wasn’t even 10 when these things were happening. It’s not really anything too serious, but I was still basically ripped out of my childhood way too early. But, enough about my childhood; now my present life. I’ve relied on my friends for comfort for most of my life because of my dysfunctional home. Recently, though, my friends have become more distant and toxic. Spreading rumors, talking shit, leaving me out, and pulling pranks that go too far (like ruining the outfit I worked so hard to make the day before my band concert). I’ve only got three friends I trust; however, 2 of them I hardly talk to anymore (not because anything happened, we’ve just got different things going on in our lives). So, there’s only one real friend who’s always stuck with me. However, there’s nothing he can do about my family at home. As I said earlier, my family’s always been toxic and dysfunctional. It should have gotten better over the years, but no. It’s gotten worse. They’ve cussed me out, threatened me, and recently, I’ve even been a victim to some domestic violence. I talked to the cops about it, and to a lady from the state who deals with these kinds of things. However, since there were no visible marks and no proof of it, they couldn’t log it as abuse because they can’t just go off of what is said; they need some hard evidence to actually do anything. So, since I don’t have the money to move out of my parent’s house, I had to watch my only hope at escaping this mental and verbal (and now some physical) abuse quite literally walk out the door. I’ve been having suicidal thoughts and self-harm urges for the longest time. And, I’m ashamed to admit it because I’ve talked so many people out of it irl, but recently I have been self-harming. Thing is, while I had helped so many other people, nobody ever helped me through these dark times in my life. In fact, some people (who I helped through their trauma) literally told me to self-harm and to just kill myself when I tried venting to them. I just can’t deal with this shit anymore. I’ve tried and I’ve tried, but I can’t see the “bright side” anymore. There is no more “bright side” for me. I’m on the edge right now, literally. But I’ve got you guys to thank for getting me this far. Thank you so much for being here for me, even though I don’t usually vent, and you guys didn’t know what I’ve been going through up until now, so you weren’t actively trying to support me. Even so, thanks for appreciating me and not treating me like I’m more worthless than a dead plant. I love you all, and I hope you guys have great lives. So, if I change my mind, then I’ll see you guys later. If not…well, don’t mourn me, I’ll be in a better place. So long, guys. also im gonna give this a few days in case things get better (though let’s be honest, they’re probably not gonna) so don’t miss me just yet. If I’m gone for like, over a week, then you can assume I finally freed myself from this hell

shoutout to my mutuals, you guys are awesome and were great help to me (im not gonna pin you so you don’t feel obliged to read/reply to my dumb rant): dumb-mc-sheep cldhart08 acronym49 cricketproofreads im-an-angy-alpaca trash-opposum

And special shoutouts to my two fav mutuals (sorry other moots) @family-disappointment and @avatarofstars! You two were some of the greatest motivators for me to keep going. I’m sorry that your efforts (while unintentional) probably weren’t enough this time. I love you both and wish you both the best lives you can have! (And sorry for bothering you with the tag, just wanted you to see this last little note to you both💜)

This is Hakira, signing out.

:)

[jellimac-sims-stories]

The Reluctant Painter

Jellimac

Summary | You find a bag of money and a little black book with a scythe on it. What would you do?

I don’t particularly like my job but at least I have one. My brother is super protective and made me move to the desert across the street from him. I can’t blame him. It’s not like I was doing much with my life bumming around with my friends getting high. His only condition was that I get a job so I took the first job that came my way. The Artist Agency calls my position a “Hungry Artist” which is a fancy way of saying this is a shit job.

Even with this job and the freeish housing things aren’t exactly going my way. Yeah, I'm grateful to have a steady income, to live in the trailer my brother owns, and for the money that he and his wife send me to help keep up with bills. Things keep seeming to go downhill day after day lately. My smoking hot girlfriend broke up with me. Then my dog Shep got sick. And then when my best friend Eden took me out to try to cheer me up I ended up trying to makeout with her. I got a black eye for it. She hasn’t spoken to me since. Things really couldn’t be worse for me right now.

Thankfully the Artist Agency called the other day to hire me to finish up the new mural at the gym in Uptown. I can’t say that I am the best artist but work is work and it will help take my mind off of things for a little while. It's just painting anyway. I took the day job begrudgingly and made my way to head to Uptown. It takes two buses and one train to get to Uptown from Bedrock Strait where I live. That costs me $23 just to get to the job site and back. The agency only has me scheduled for four hours to finalize the mural. I only make $23 an hour. I’m about to make less than $100 for four hours of work. This job fucking sucks.

Unfortunately, the job site was downstairs in the men's locker room. This part of Uptown is elevated over the rest of the city. Think of the sort of place where you’d say ‘I can see my house from here’. That's the type of view I'm talking about. Which I almost can say but my house is just too far off to make out. From up here, you can see from the mountains and out to sea. I’m landlocked in a desert so I like coming here when I can. A creek runs behind my trailer but this is so much nicer. I had been hoping that maybe at least I’d have a good view all day even if it was just some housewives doing yoga badly. Realizing that I had gotten the shit end of the stick I plugged in my earbuds and got to work. 

After a few hours, one guy with bad diarrhea (probably one too many protein shakes) and several smelly dudes later the job was done. It was pretty nice; an optical illusion of the wall broken down showing the earth and the moon from above. Even though I can’t afford the membership at this gym you can see that this mural pulls the space together nicely (no pun intended). I hadn’t taken a break so I decided to spend the last 30 minutes of my time having lunch. I grabbed what I thought was all of my bags of paint supplies (that I would now have to lug back with me since the job was done) and headed outside. 

Finding a bench outside, I chowed down on leftover pizza that my SIL sent to my place last night. I noticed a bag with the painting supplies that didn’t look familiar. It was plain black with a thick gray zipper and felt kind of expensive in my hand. I opened it up expecting that maybe I had picked up someone's gym bag by mistake. To my surprise, it was full of cash! Thick bundled stacks of cash with $1000 markers on the bands. Holy shit! It looked like there was a couple of grand in this bag alone. I’ve never seen this much money ever in my life! I don't even have this much money.

Quickly but trying not to look suspicious, I zipped the bag back up, grabbed all the other bags, and threw what was left of the pizza slice to the pigeons that were hungrily watching me eat. I hurried down to the subway level to catch a train back to Oasis Springs. This time the cost of the tickets and bus fare didn't matter to me that much considering I had a few thousand bucks in one of my bags I was lugging back home. 

I don't usually pay any mind to how long it takes to get around on public transportation. It's almost a full half-hour to reach the outskirts of Oasis Springs to even get anywhere else. That and the fact that I am a habitually late person (something my ex used to complain about) but this time I was buzzing in my seat with anticipation. When the bus finally got to the corner of my street I practically ran all the way home. I headed straight for my shed where I usually keep all of my painting supplies. My dog followed me in as he's keen to do when I arrive home. He's expecting that we will go for a run or a swim in the river like we tend to do every evening but not today. 

After I stowed the supplies away I unzipped the mysterious bag and dumped everything on the ground. Inspecting everything that tumbled out of the bag, I can make out a mix of both new and used stacks of bills all with $1000 marked bands on them. Stacks of $20’s, $100's, and $10's all mixed together. I quickly counted everything out and totaled it up. There was $20,000 in that bag! I've only got like $2,700 to my name and that's only because my brother gave me $1,500 last Christmas. Shit, this is a lot of money.

While I gaped over my luck at finding this bag o’cash I noticed a notebook where I had originally dumped everything out. It's a regular hardcover black notebook except for the scythe debossed on the cover. Opening it, I flipped through the pages. Most are oddly blank until I get to almost the end. In very neat handwriting there are what looks like the details of a contract. It was a few pages long and not written in English. It could possibly be Latin or some other dead language but I could only make out the few words in English; Jack-of-all-Trades, billionaire, beach house, global superstar, and the name Charles Andrei signed at the end. That name sounded familiar, something to do with my ex but I couldn’t put my finger on it. (He's probably some guy she was sleeping with for money so I stopped thinking about it.) There is another signature next to it that I couldn't decipher. The letters kept playing tricks on my eyes. The first time I looked at it I thought it said Hel. The next time I read Ankou, then Thanatos, and finally Magere Hein.  That's not possible , I thought and closed the book. 

Suddenly it was very cold in the shed. The window panes started to frost up and I could see my breath before me. The sun had been setting when I got home but it doesn't get this cold in the desert ever. Shep started barking and growling at something behind me. I hadn't heard the door to the shed open but I had a feeling that I wasn't alone....

Are you scared yet? Read the set on my AO3

[joshscrookednipple]

Cupid Screwed Up: chapter 1

Summary: What happens when two rivals who chants even be in the same room together get paired up as soul mates for the rest of their lives..one thing they do know is that cupid screwed up.

Pairing: Josh Kiszka/female OC

word count: 2,300

Warnings: Language, Angst, Blood, kinda cringy writing.

this is the first chapter and the longest fic i’ve ever written!! edits will probably be made soon!!

there are three things you need to know before you read this.

1- C.U.P.I.D is a world renowned matchmaking company, and to actually matter in society you have to be paired with your match…sound familiar?

2- i was not the one who named my cat Clawdia, she named herself. don’t ask questions about it.

and probably the last and most important thing you must know..

3- i. hate. Joshua. Kiszka.

why do i hate him you may ask?

how much time do you have?

Josh Kiszka has been determined to make my life a living hell since the eighth grade, we are rivals in every sense of the word. i got a 100% on a test. he got a 101% (how is that possible..i have no clue. i’m convinced Ms. Harrison had a twisted up crush on him)

i get a date to prom he gets 2

i get sick with the flu, he gets pneumonia and gets hospitalized

the nerve of that motherfucker.

the point is he always has to one up me, and now he’s touring the world with his band great value fleet (greta van fleet but i think my name fits it better) with his two brothers who aren’t much better than him and his youngest brothers best friend, Danny Wagner, who is objectively the best and only tolerable person on that band.

Josh loves to rub his band in my face like the time he-

“TARAAAA OH MY GOD TARA”

i’m snapped out of my thoughts by the shrieking voice that belongs to no other than my roommate maggie. me and maggie have a weird dynamic. by that i mean she annoys the living shit out of me and i hide anywhere i can to avoid speaking to her.

Maggie bounds into my room and jumps on my bed which coincidentally knocks off my colored pencils i was using to color in a sketch i was working on, which i quickly slip into my folder to avoid any teasing from my worse and more obnoxious half.

“Tara i got my match!”

“Let’s hope it’s perscription sedatives” i mumble hardly loud enough that you had to be really listening to hear what i said.

“what?”

“nothing, who is it?”

that question clearly makes her excited because she sits up and slaps her hands on her knees in a child like sense.

“so you know the band greta van fleet?”

i roll my eyes.

“unfortunately”

“well i got paired with Sam Kiszka!!” she practically screams as she shoves her phone into my face with a screen that reads.

Pairing: Sam Kiszka.

great. this is absolutely fabulous. if it wasn’t bad enough having to see their band every time i open any fucking social media app, now i’ll be FORCED to interact with them. why couldn’t she be paired with Danny. he’s nice and calm. sam on the other hand is the equivalent to a drugged up hamster who was just fed three monster drinks.

“that’s so..great” i give her a forced smile and flip my phone over hoping that maybe a notification from C.U.P.I.D was blessing my phones presence.

instead all i got was a message from team snapchat.

I’m 23 years old and probably the only one 23 year old to not have been matched yet, and trust me i’m reminded of it.

at family gatherings “oh you’ll get your match eventually, you’ve always been a late bloomer”

at parties “sorry you can’t come in, only people who’ve gotten matches can”

at the grocery store when people see that i don’t have the gold plated ring on my finger. they refused me my discount for my goldfish. i was really looking forward to eating those.

maggie falls back on my bed and smiles to herself and rests her feet in my lap to which i notice she’s wearing my wool socks, and my grey sweatpants, at least she’s wearing her sweater. wait. nope that’s the sweater she got me for christmas last year. i really need a padlock on my closet. I stand up with my notebook and place it on my cluttered bedside triable before bending down to pick up my colored pencils.

“i invited him and his brothers over tonight” she hums staring up at the ceiling.

i freeze and drop the colored pencils.

“you. what?”

“i invited them over” she repeats as she sits up crossing her legs over one another “really you should thank me, im really the only person you interact with”

“that’s because i’m forced to interact with you mags.” i state before recollecting the colored pencils and placing them in a glass jar by my notebook and turn back to look at her “plus i also have to study for my midterms, you know this.”

“come on you can’t hide from them forever!! i know you left Frakenmuth because of them, but it’s time to make amends”

i huff and shake my head “i didn’t leave because of them, they’re just the reason i never wanted to come back.”

“and look where you are, back at Frankenmuth! see everything happens for a reason”

it’s true i left to pursue a career in digital art, but after that ship sank i had no choice to move back. i moved back when i got offered a internship with an amazing cartoon artist who happened to be only two years older than me. his name is Dylan and for a quarter of my life i had a huge crush on him, and he coincidentally doesn’t have a match either.

i choose to ignore her as my cat, clawdia comes strutting in and rubs her head against my feet. i smile and pick her up cradling her like she was my new born baby, which in a way she was. not the new born part though.

Maggie rolls her eyes and sits up “well they’re coming in two hours so put on something presentable, and try not to embarrass me”

“anything for you, your majesty” i give a dramatic bow as she leaves and closes my door. i look down at Clawdia with my hands on my hips.

“what should i wear, clawdia?”

she however is not much help because all she does is meow before propping her self onto my pillow before drifting off into one of her many naps of the day.

i sit on my bed and stare at my closet, i usually wear the same four articles of clothing everyday, it’s either my mom jeans that make my ass look spectacular or my black leggings, and a long sleeved form fitting V-neck and a state of michigan crew-neck. i’m assuming neither of those things will live up to maggie’s standards but i honestly don’t care. i pull on my faded mom jeans with my crew neck before pulling on warm toned wool socks and my Boston birkenstocks. good enough.

i turn and look at myself in the mirror before shifting my eyes to the messy knot that’s tied up on the top of my head. my hair is what you would describe as in between wavy and curly, never quite one or the other. i grab my brown translucent claw lip before skillfully (or so i like to think) putting it in my hair and pulling a few stray strands out. i settle for some mascara and chapstick before i hear the door open and the sound of four pairs of feet walk into our apartment.

i hear a murmur of greetings as i walk out and my breath catches in my throat when i see him. Josh definitely grew into his unruly hair, with it being once again shaved off at the sides. he always grew some facial hair, which usually is a turn off for me but for him..he definitely makes it work. but all of that doesn’t change the burning hatred i have towards him.

Tara interrupts my train of thought by dragging me over to the boys.

“This is my roommate Tara, Tara this is josh, sam, ja-“

she’s cut off by the cocky voice that sounds exactly identical to his twin brothers. jake motherfucking kiszka. “we’ve met”

jake is a cocky son of a bitch, not as much as his other half, but very very close. he had teamed up with josh in highschool to get me voted out of being prom queen. just because i accidentally broke his pencil.

i give him a tight lipped smile before i turn and see danny’s warm eyes and my face lights up.

“hey bunny” he speaks before giving me a hug

i had gotten that nickname when i refused to dissect a bunny in my freshman year biology class and made Danny do it for me.

i loop my arms around his tires and smile into his chest before mumbling just loud enough so only he could hear “why couldn’t you and sam just have came, why did you have to bring dumb and dumber”

he lets out a quiet laugh before letting go and i turn to look for maggie only to see she was clinging to sams side throwing her head back in laughter to something he said. gross. i pad my way to the couch and much to my distaste josh follows me and sits on the other side of the couch.

“so, tara have you gotten a match yet?”

“Have you”

“That’s not my question”

i roll my eyes and cross my arms. josh has also never been matched, which leaves millions of fan girls to believe they’re his possible match.

before i could respond jake and sam and danny join us

“so tara” sam starts “how’s the- what do you do- coloring?”

“i work as a intern at a illustrators office”

“so coloring” josh smiles smugly and tilts his head

i’m not even going to argue with him. nope. not happening.

instead i slam my cup down on the coffee table and go to my room before slamming the door

sam looks at maggie in confusion “what was that about”

tara sighs and shakes her head “she’s been acting different lately”

josh, being the genius he is pushes himself off the couch “i’ll go check on her”

and he did exactly that. he goes to my room right when i’m pulling down my pants and i’m left in light yellow cotton underwear with the word “wednesday” in light pink writing across the back and my crew neck

“actually it’s saturday bunny”

i scream and quickly pull on cotton shorts to try to preserve as much modesty as i possibly can and turn around as i see him roaming around my room, searching and touching everything like he’s fucking inspector gadget.

“get the hell out of my room Joshua” i say pushing on his chest in an attempt to get him out of the room. this back fires when he pushes me back into a wall and smirks down at me.

“bunny this is why you don’t have a match”

i clench my fists as i look up at him “neither do you dumbass”

he rolls his eyes at that and pinches my chin with his thumb and forefinger and tilts my head up so i can get a perfect view of his eyes.

“but unlike you bunny” he starts “people would pay their lives to fuck me and you..well you probably have to pay a guy to even get close to you”

i don’t remember what happened next, all i remember is my hand colliding across his cheek and my silver ring on my index finger cutting his cheek causing a trickle of blood flowing down his cheek.

i freeze and i’ll never forget that look in his eyes..but i’m not going to get him win. so did something completely stupid and i run my thumb along the trickle of blood and put it between his parted lips and to my surprise he actually starts sucking it, god his lips are so soft.

my cheeks are flushed pink as he pulls away and he smirks “do i make you nervous bunny”

“get. out.”

he throws me a shit eating grin before leaving and slamming the door and that’s when the tears are about to start falling when i hear another knock and i throw the door open

“Josh i said get the-“

but it’s not josh behind the door. it’s Jake. what the hell?

“i uhm-“ he starts “i heard what josh said- and i just wanted to apologize”

i roll my eyes and start closing the door but he puts his hand flat on the door to stop me. “just listen to me Tara- in highschool i was just trying to be cool- i shouldn’t have said those things. you’re not worthless or-“

“jake” i interrupt him “i’m appreciate it but please go, we can talk later okay?”

he sighs and nods before leaving and i turn out my light after closing my door and i plug my phone in when i hear a notification. THE notification. i quickly open my phone and see the notification from cupid

C.U.P.I.D

Hello! you have been successfully paired with your perfect match, you will meet up with your significant other at 7:30 pm december 1st at Honey B’s Eatery. down below is your perfect match.

Maybe it’s a NFL player.

Or a professional chef.

Or maybe-

Oh.

Oh god no.

Pairing: Joshua Kiszka

little did i know that on the other side of Frankenmuth josh was in his bathroom after a particularly messy one night stand, leaning against the wall, looking at his phone with the same exact notification but with her name on it.

and for the first time in history they were thinking the same exact thought.

Cupid.

Screwed.

Up.

[valhyso]

6/1/23

it’s been a few years since I last posted on tumblr. 

I was watching some youtube videos the other night and one about tumblr ended up autoplaying, I remembered one of my blogs and long story short spent a couple hours going over old posts on the various old blogs of mine that still exist. a lot of it I don’t have much recollection of writing, but i am grateful to my past self for logging some of the thoughts there, because they show me both how much and ultimately how little i’ve changed, even though i look back at myself and can see so little semblance of who i am now.

it’s helped me to realize that my depression and anxiety hasn’t necessarily gotten worse over the years, at least not to the degree it feels like. I just.. block out? the worst of it from back then. So at any given point it feels like it’s the worst I’ve ever been, but in reality that’s just kind of.. my baseline? or what I default back to when things aren’t great.

there are these huge gaps in my life where I didn’t do much recordkeeping, for lack of a better word. I tend to forget a lot, discard details and memories and emotions, and in hindsight I wish i had spent more time at least occasionally journaling in some form. i think it’s the only way i can truly know myself outside of this moment. 

but yeah, I don’t think i even have any followers on this blog, I’m not social even if I did, so I’m really just screaming into the void here. but, I’m going to reblog some old posts from my other blogs for the sake of condensing things in one place, hope for some consistency. I just started meds again today, so my anxiety is pretty high. we’ll see where this goes.

[privateairventstowhine]

Vent

It’s almost a year now that me and my partner broke up and im still pretty fucked up about it. I have moments where i think to myself “hey, i can make a life for myself and i can find someone to share it with one day! It’s just gunna take time” but those moments are pretty fleeting and usually just happen when i’m distracted. Right now i’m in a self destructive spiral where i’m mourning the fact that we probably won’t be close friends anymore or even casual friends. They don’t respond to me and don’t send me things anymore. I feel like that talk i had with them worsened things instead of helped. I wanted closure and to let them know things, but i feel like i did the opposite and created more of a rift. Lately i feel like i can never stop myself from talking too much and that my need to understood and forgiven gets me into more trouble than it’s gotten me out of. In highschool i feel like i communicated better than i do now at 23. I just hate myself so much while at the same time feeing shame because i know i should have more compassion for myself because wat does that say about how i would treat someone else in this situation. Im just so sad all the time as well as feeling like a failure because i dont have a job or even a purpose. And i know that thats internalized ableism and capitalism ! I know i know i know. I know all the arguments and counter arguments to how i myself feel! But it doesnt change anything. It doesnt make me feel better, it doesnt make me change perspective, it doesnt help me to get over things. I just feel like a shell performing my routines trying to fill myself with enough food, weed, and media so i dont kill myself. My regrets r becoming almost too much to bear. I feel exactly like i felt months ago; trapped, cornered, and scared but unable to move myself to change it. Idk what rock bottom looks like for me but i feel like ive been cracking that cement floor every day, week, month ive been feeling like this. I’ve only had two secure attachments in my life and one of them i lost. Im trying so hard not to lean too hard or rely too heavily on the other but god do i just want to stop living. The state of the world isnt helping either. My country is making it harder and harder to live as myself and for the people around me. Not that it wasnt already hard but it’s just getting worse. I feel like if my mom passed away i would end things so fast. The daily struggle to find happiness in even little things is so hard. Nothing seems to matter for me anymore. I have no goals, no prospects, and nothing to strive for. Eat, sleep, watch media, cook, clean, wake up, masterbate, laugh, cry, want to die, crochet, guilt, clean more, frustration, spend money, go to appointments, traffic, stare into space, pet the cat, get high on weekends, and do the dishes. i want out.