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#I’m so wasted it’s not even funny
oh-surprise-its-me · 9 months
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Jake knows he feels too much, he’s felt too much for years.
Hangman.
Christ. If only they knew he had lists in his notes app for allergies, likes and dislikes, favorite foods and birthdays.
Hangman.
Yeah. It’d be more fitting if he had been the one to leave the other behind. But no, he was flying with Snakebite and the asshole left Jake behind but hadn’t done the move right. So Jake pulled forward and ahead and Snake had to abort.
Hangman.
He wishes he could take the persona off, but it settles on his shoulders like a jacket. He finds some comfort in it. Jake knows that Javy can see through it, why Jake always sticks close to Javy and doesn’t ask too many questions. Has the confidence in himself when he really hasn’t had any since his father kicked him out at 15.
Hangman.
He sits outside the hard deck in the sand, he hears someone come up behind him. It’s probably Javy. The only person whose ever come to check on him in 20 years.
“You good Jake?”
Oh. Oh. That’s not Javy. That’s Bradley.
He sniffs, “yeah what’s it to you Roo.”
Bradley lands on the sand next to Jake, he sits close enough their shoulders touch. “Saw you leave. But I also saw you start crying. Figured I’d check up on you.”
Jake let’s put a wet laugh, he scrubs at his eyes. Jake, such the fucking cry baby look at you now.
“Jake come on what’s up, are you okay? Are you hurt? Should I get Javy?” Jake shakes his head, “no let him have his night. It’s stupid anyways. I’m just a bit drunk.”
Hangman.
“Can’t be that stupid if it made you cry.”
Jake falls back into the sand, it’s easier this way, he can just stare at the stars instead of looking away from Bradley.
“Nat almost drank coconut rum.”
Bradley lays back in the sand next to Jake. “Not sure I follow. But keep talking.” Jake shakes his head. “She’s allergic. No one saw but me so I reminded her. She told me to fuck off, and that if she wanted a lecture from her mom she’d call her.”
Bradley let’s out a puff of air. “Shit. I didn’t know she was allergic.”
Jake laughs again. God this day can’t end fast enough. “Not dead allergic just enough it bothers her. She mentioned once a few years ago.”
Bradley nods, “you notice things about people. You care.”
Now it’s Jakes turn to nod, “reason I came out here was I figured no one would notice I was gone. Got too loud in there.”
“I notice.”
Now Jake turns to look at Bradley, he’s not sure what he’s expecting to see but the look of, caring? God Jake might even dare to say love? In Bradley’s eyes are a startling image.
“You always let Payback have shotgun because rarely gets car sick, you let Javy have all your pickles because he loves them. You remembered Nat is allergic to coconut even though I’ve known her for years and she mentioned it to you once.”
Bradley takes a breath sitting back up. “God Jake I think I notice everything about you.”
Jake is shocked that Bradley has been apparently watching him for years. Shit maybe his crush isn’t just one sided. He sits up, twisting to face Bradley head on.
“You care?”
Bradley smiles, “please god punch me if I got this wrong Jake but I more then care.”
And then he kisses Jake.
Bradley Bradshaw is kissing Jake Seresin.
Merry fucking Christmas in July to Jake.
Jake pulls away. “I’m a lot Bradley. I feel too much. I cry when dogs die in movies. I get angry around father related holidays. I have a weirdly dependent relationship with my best friend. I get it if you want to run away.”
Bradley takes Jake’s hand, he brings it up to his mouth kissing it and then using it to drag Jake into a hug. “I like a lot Jake. I’m grabby in the mornings. I take 30 minute showers. I cook but maybe not to the best level. I go full out at any holiday but I’m insufferably overkill around Valentine’s Day. I’m not running if you aren’t.”
Jake presses a kiss into Bradley’s neck. He feels tears in his eyes but for different reasons now. “Well I guess there’s only one way for me to know about the grabby morning part huh?”
Bradley laughs, he stands in one motion, and sticks a hand out for Jake to grab. “Wanna find out?”
Jake smiles up and grabs Bradley’s hand.
He’s not letting go. And he’s going to remember every damn moment of tonight.
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yugiohz · 6 months
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I’m not even trying to convince anyone to care, I know from personal experience that some people genuinely don’t care and I don’t think it’s our responsibility to prove our humanity to you guys, that’s between you and your miserable approach to life
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deus-ex-mona · 4 months
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starting the year ✨wrong✨
#(this is about work ok. long rant in the tags bc auauauauauauauuauauauauauauauaaaaaaaa)#i’ve worked for just t h r e e (3!!!!) days this year and i think im already all burned out lmao#first i was stuck doing 2 workstations bc this freakin’ b o z o of a coworker decided to take the week off without prior notice#and *t h e n* the internal components of one of said workstations kicked the bucket and was only replaced today. sads.#rip to our wasted time and futile fixing efforts though. flashtag wetried#that’s not all t h o u g h i was told that i have to jump to the other work shift bc one of my coworkers is resigning#b u t the thing is. all of the other dudes in that shift are from [insert bordering country] and always speak in their nation’s language#so i won’t be able to communicate well with them for the most part ​esp s o bs#and if [insert country here] has a national holiday and a l l of them decide to take the day off..#well. um. ahahahaha. im ✨screwed✨#(but speaking of taking the day off… one of said guys on that shift has an approved leave for cny. which is funny bc he’s not even chinese)#(rips if the actual other chinese dude on that team has his leave request rejected bc of that guy lol. happy cny to him ig)#a n d also i was made to (sorta) teach these two new coworkers (of sorts) the workstation i’m at for the week#b u t the thing is. i do everything here by left (didn’t receive formal training either lmao sadge)#and i also couldn’t explain anything well in general bc it seems like my flow of thoughts can’t streamline itself ig#so i think i confused the poor guys more than anything. but like. why me??????? aaaauauaaaaaaaaaa#idk why one of them came back for more ‘education’ from me thoughhhhh#i’ve tried teaching ‘em stuff at another workstation before this and my feedback was ‘wait slow down you talk too fast’ s o o o o .#ig i’ll have to guide them though again in the morning though. sighs. this wasnt in my job description :(#speaking of job descriptions though… this h e l l a annoying guy no one likes who resigned a few months ago (to much rejoicing)…#is!!!!! coming!!!! back!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#w h y. like. w h y. why is he so attached to this company he l l o? why is our manager so attached to him helloooooooo????? why him???????#our workloads literally t r i p l e when he’s around bc he’s just the way he is. auauauauauauauauaaaaaaaaaaaa#aaaaaaaaaaa i dont wanna work aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#science industry (derogatory) questionable laboratory conditions (derogatory)#felt cute; thought about retiring early idk
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theloveinc · 2 years
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stoner!kiri who cant help but hold you close in his lap during the sesh n dry hump you with a hand down your pants fingering u as you hold the blunt.. opened mouth kisses on the juncture between ur shoulder and neck, all sorts of praises coming from his mouth.. wah :(
idk stoner!kiri smelling like adidas colgne and weed n a little bit of musk.. wahh i want him to destroy me :(
Sorry to diverge from the sexy, I’m just so 😖 at the thought of like… Kiri getting off of patrol the night before a few days off, and like… getting home, immediately getting high and then falling asleep on the couch (cuz he’s too lazy to shower and you probs wouldn’t want him in bed)… and waking up groggy, smelling all musky and manly and weedy and wondering why you keep trying to hug him LMAOOO.
I’d be all up on him trying to get a whiff, even if I’d still be calling him stinky the whole time hfndjfjdjvh. Also Kiri w/ big weed brain fog for the first hour after he wakes up… rhsmfjkfjckfk scratching his head and just following you around trying to get you in the shower with him… *zim voice* I HAVE A MIGHTY NEED🤲🏻
But also YESSSDDD to the sexy… He’s kinda like this anyway (thank you T), a very casual toucher… but when he’s stoned, his hand is going straight into your panties whether the attention is meant to be on you or not. All heavy breathing and spacey hickeys that bruise kinda badly cuz he’s not paying attention… not letting you move until you’ve cum three, four times and are begging (hyper aware of safe words though, he’s a hero Through and Through)…
Yeah. I’d sleep good after that, too.
(Bakugo always gets on his case abt wasting weed cuz he has a bad habit of not putting anything out before kissing you LMAOOO)
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i’m literally being TORTURED in the lunchroom rn cause someone just left a FULL tray of food at the seat in front of me and ISN’T EVEN HERE,,,,, but they MIGHT be back cause there’s a backpack on the floor,,,,, but lunch is almost over and if they just throw it out i’m gonna be so sad forever,,,,,,, and i’m so hungry still,,,,, i couldn’t focus on homework cause i’ve just been looking over at this and drooling :{
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bo0zey · 2 years
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saw mcr in chicago last night and it was literally so traumatizing that i couldn’t even enjoy the show or be happy i deadass hate you psycho animalistic band wagon ass idiot mfs so much thanks for ruining my one chance at seeing and hearing and experiencing my saviors of 10+ years. the band that kept me alive by providing me the emotional stability childhood me needed when everyone else around her was dying and made her feel like giving up too. the one chance i expected to feel the most alive i ever have ended up with me feeling so fucking dead and numb inside. the band whose songs literally filled my lungs with the air i needed to stay alive. and an hour before i was supposed to see mcr you selfish stupid idiots crushed my ribcage and stole all the oxygen i’d been saving for 7 hours standing in that crowd. you crushed my ribcage to the point it couldn’t fully expand and i physically could not inhale or exhale. you crushed me until my descending colon pressed against my equally taut and ungiving abdominal aorta and occluded it until i was physiologically unable to get fresh oxygen to my brain. i was a mere 12 inches and 1 hour away from seeing my band when you stupid senseless fucks ruined everything for me. i was ripped from the barrier and left in an oxygen-deprived mental fog for their entire set. i couldn’t even mouth the words to their songs from 50000000 feet away because the action hurt my ribs and diaphragm too much. god forbid i try to sing along without becoming lightheaded and nauseous because my body was so physiologically traumatized that even breathing without anyone pressed up against me had become painful. i was left in a dissociated state from being pulled out of the crowd until i got home. i couldn’t even drink water because my diaphragm and abdominal organs and aorta were still so traumatized and inflamed it hurt to have anything else inside to add to the excess pressure. i stood like a statue almost their entire set. i felt zero happiness, only immense sadness. i was so numb and dissociated while standing there in the middle of the concert watching the screen and listening to each song that the only thing i could feel were the nonstop flow of tears running down my face at the realization of the horror of it all. at some points i couldn’t even hear the actual music. the only thing i could hear was gerard’s words, as if he were speaking directly to me and it was the only thing keeping me present and grounded and somewhat connected to my body. and do you know????how it feels????? to feel fucking dead inside even though your body’s physically there alive in the same moment as the band that had given you so much life as a kid when you felt like you were dying???? and to just stand there surrounded by a crowd of 50000 people and feel deader than ever??? their music couldn’t even bring me out of this physically traumatized state and just made the emotional trauma exponentiate. i am so heartbroken and feel so defeated and let down and purposeless all over again. i will never have an opportunity like that again and it’s such a fucking hard thing to swallow knowing i couldn’t give my inner child her one chance to be that child again, to feel saved and alive and in love with this beautiful thing life has to offer. i hate all 50000 of you and most of all i hate myself for not being physically strong enough to withstand the physical abuse of that crowd. in conclusion thank u for ruining mcr for me and btw if u have a chance pls go get fucked.
#also don’t bother bitching at me in my ask box abt this Nothing abt crushing someone to death is okay#like that person at travis scott’s concert who get crushed against the barrier and died???? fucking ridiculous#gerard had to stop between every fucking song and tell people to step back from each other#between every song dozens of people were being pulled out of the crowd onto stretchers to the medical tent#even the fucking production guy had to come on stage n tell the crowd they needed to step back or else he ‘can’t let the band back out here’#like they probably had to cut like 2-3 songs cuz so much time was wasted telling everyone to stop fuckjng killing each other#i won’t even bother going into how horrible this was on my emotional state bc no one would care to understand#mcr was the one thing that gave my life consistency and stability and a chance to feel safe being alive#they saved what little i had left of my childhood. and now i feel like i lost everything#at one point in my life their music even their solo projects every lyric was the only happiness i had#and seeing them live i couldn’t even feel happy. do u know how shitty that feels???#i’m scared to listen to their music now bc i’m scared i’m just gonna breakdown crying all over again bc i was so close to exerpiencing them#i was so close to being alive and in the flesh with my 4 saving graces and then i was left alone#idc if u think i’m being dramatic u don’t understand how much this moment meant to me#there’s nothing stopping me from reaching club 27 now lol. cuz they’ll never come back again. i have nothing to wait around n stay alive for#also i was supposed to take the pics to remake the mcr returns from the war post but i couldn’t cuz i fainted n got pulled out of the crowd#lollllll life is so silly n funny#ramblings
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pinkfey · 2 years
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my pos br*ther woke me up at 6AM bc he’s playing video games so fucking loudly and our walls are made of paper and no matter how much i tell him i need to sleep he doesn’t hear me through his headset 😐😐😐 i am just sitting here fml
#straight up yelling about his fantasy life where he was enlisted in the military (he wasn’t) to make some random mfs impressed#swearing up a storm which isn’t allowed in my parents christian household#bitching about the left which also isn’t allowed in our household#but remember their rules don’t apply to their precious firstborn fuckup <33#i hate men yelling i hate men yelling i hate men yellingggg#I AM SO ANGRYYYYYY >:((((#i need to be up in two hours and he took that from me too lmao !! the one day i get to sleep in past six !! holy shit !! i hate him !!#*one hour now 🫠#‘but at least he’s not drinking 🥺’ ask me if i give a fuck i actually prefer him wasted bc at least that means he’s killing himself 🤩#like. he is such a fucking nuisance to live with. what’s funny about his pattern of abuse is how there IS no ‘good period’ where he tries t#make up for what he’s done. because that’s just his ‘sober period’ and he’s such a fucking ASSHOLE during even that that it’s like.#oh so this is you trying. this is the best you’ve got before you get pissed and continue abusing us physically and mentally.#he’s fucking pathetic oh my GOD#oh now he just pissed and didn’t wash his hands again. i am so full of venom rn i hate this man so much#27 year old grown ass man lying to teenage boys online to get male validation#can’t wash his hands after taking a piss despite the fact that he doesn’t shower for weeks on end#refusing to go to an SLE after rehab because he thinks he’s too good for it and ‘he’ll do better this time’ as if he wasn’t climbing out of#fucking windows to get wasted. as a twenty seven year old. touting about how he wants to die but don’t you dare get him help bc he doesn’t#want it. agreeing to rehab and then lying in order to be sent home bc he thinks he has control over an addiction and he in no way abuses hi#own fucking family. holy shit i’m making myself more angery but god i hate everything about him i hate EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM !!!!!!#anyways.txt#delete later
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munamania · 2 years
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kk i’m torn between am i ever gonna say anything like. fr to her. or just let this go. i don’t think i can let it go ik you don’t need to closure in every situation but like. i do this time. but im in no rush to have the feelings talk. actually i am it’d be nice to just get it out
#would be sort of funny to ruin their one year anniversary. or embarrass myself depending on how u look at it.#idk man im just tired of feeling like my feelings might be put on blast between them and im not even the one acting like a freak.#and then they just get to carry on in their stupid little relationship#just once i'd like to throw it back in her face like i think your bf is pathetic for the way things have been handled#and ive been nothing but kind and respectful to both of u (even if im privately seething). and i dont deserve to be#an ego boost#or to like. have to suffer all this confusion just because their relationship is insecure and stupid.#and also it's pretty dang naive to think you're gonna fucking marry your first love but i wont say that one out loud.#esp yk. given how weak the foundation is. lmfao#yea we got together bc he was obsessed w me from the start#(ofc) and then we’d get wasted and hang out and wake up together and i realized i liked him because i wanted to make a playlist for him#instead of studying for a midterm and then i initiated our first kiss really drunk and he later said it was a bad kiss#makes me sick to think she’d ever simp for him sorry that’s mean to say. like whoops jk totally cool for her#whatever. i’m sure beyond that they’re um… great…#i say the same shit to u guys over and over sorry imagine being up here tho 24/7.#can’t wait to go home so i can just write abt it except i can’t bc i’m so busy today lol#lol o ya i’m like straight but he freaks out when he sees me interact with u. lol
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bibleofficial · 2 years
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teehee brother pissing me off so i unplugged his hdmi cable on his xbox lol
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deus-ex-mona · 1 year
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there’s a non-non-zero chance of success though… _(:3 」∠)_
#long depressing rant in the tags incoming ig? take warning!!#maybe it’s bc it’s 3am and i’m tired or maybe it’s bc of the 8-9 hour old fried vermicelli that i just gave up on eating but my head hurts~~#or maybe it could even be bc i spent like 3 hours unpacking my boxes (note: my fam moved last month) instead of chilling like i wanted to…#either way i saw some things while unpacking that i really should’ve left in the distant past and i’m feeling as empty as my stomach pre-米粉#though i did uncover a dogtag i had engraved years ago with nothing but a ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) on it so that was pretty funny#but other than that… i remembered all the weird things i had given up on in the past via the things i unearthed…#like cooking! i unpacked this huge 1k+ page thick cookbook thing and remembered that i had a phase where i liked to cook#then i remembered that i had mistaken salt for sugar while making some meat dish with a ton of soy sauce and byebye cooking confidence :(#and to add to that i also read a past essay of mine about my culture and i remembered my grandma and i. yeah.#and i also saw stuff from my old hobbies that i had to give up on due to money/time constraints and i just. yeah.#and not to forget all the stuff from my former friends… i swear i always get ghosted the moment we affirm that we’re friends lol#am i a walking maxed social link or something? lol? yeah i have no irl friends. none.#i’ve gotten used to it though~ i don’t mind having no friends. it leaves me with more time for myself and my sleep~#it’s just that… sometimes i get the urge to hop over the country border for some ~chewing gum~ shopping… but there’s no one to go with lol#or like when i see interesting-looking events going on at local attractions but there’s no one to check it out with… or something.#and that got me wondering… am i just wasting my life or something? it’s a new year right? so i should make some lifestyle changes too right?#…​and so i bought a hairdryer for the first time a few days back. yeah. that’s enough change for 1 year. lol#who needs friends when you can have a nice warm hairdryer? blast away good pal!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyways yeah. that’s my 3am rant of the day. sorry if you read this lol#sunday’s 🧂saltfest🧂#h e lp i forgot to disable rbs on this for a bit i hate 3am brain smmmm </3
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isa-renee · 4 months
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probably posted about this before but. just remembered the time i actually had a “thanks i stole them from the president” interaction and like wild that literally happened like i was there i witnessed that moment i was one of like three people who heard that and Understood
for context this was like in 2021 btw
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pillowmoment · 4 months
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me and the bestie (we’re both doomed by the narrative)
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cosmosis · 11 months
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MOVED TO @seratopia
miguel o’hara x reader (fluff) - call
miguel calls you because he misses you
. . .
“Lyla.“
“Yah?“
“Call y/n.“
“What do we say?“
“Oh my god, just call her. Please.“
“You’re in your office, call her yourself.“
“Lyla!“
Lyla scoffs, flickering in and out in a flash of cream and pink. Miguel rolls his eyes, watching as a module is pulled up in front of him.
Lyla flickers in, pressing the obnoxiously green “call” button on the screen as Miguel subconsciously fixes his hair. The screen starts to dial, and Lyla chuckles to herself. 
“What?“ Miguel asks, crossing his arms together. 
Lyla’s hand runs up to her mouth. “Pfft. Nothing.“
And with that, she disappears. 
The screen dials for a few more seconds, and finally, you answer the call. A video calling of you, looking down at at the camera on your watch. You’ve got your spider suit on, chaos seeming to be crashing in the background as you zip through a metropolitan city with your webbing. 
“Miguel, baby, you know I’m busy.“ You say, the man watching on his screen as you simultaneously glace down the watch and look back up to swing your webbing against random architecture. 
“I know. Sorry.“ He says, and you look expectantly down at your watch. 
“Did you need something?” You ask, and your watch suddenly drifts over towards behind you, an anomaly chasing behind you. 
“How long will it take for you to be back?“ He asks, hand slithering to the back of his neck. Even from the shitty camera quality, you can see the slightest tinge of blush on his cheek. 
You fight the urge to roll your eyes, sighing to yourself as you bustle through skyscrapers and towers galore. “Is this really was this was about?“
“Yeah, I wanna see you.“ He states. You watch as he starts tapping on the holographic screen, seemingly zooming in on a particular picture. 
You watch as Miguel already goes to grab his spider mask, clutching it in his hand while he taps at his own watch. “Where are you, honey? I can take them off your hands.“
“It’s fine, Miguel. I got it.“
“But I wanna see you.“
“You can wait a little longer, right? Jessica sent me out on this mission.“
“No. I’m going out there, where are you?“
You sigh. “Fine, I’m at Earth-681, Queens.”
“See you in a sec, hun. Love you, bye.“
“Love you. Bet I can finish this guy off before you can even make it down here-“
You hang up, and the call screen flickers dark. Miguel yanks on his spider mask, leaping off his office until...
“Wow.“
Lyla sputters in front of Miguel, laughing to herself in a doubled over position. She flashes in a few more times, each one a different frame of her laughing. Miguel tries to ignore her, speeding up into a run whilst tapping at his watch.  
“You’re really that whipped!“ She exclaims. 
“What does whipped even mean?“ Miguel asks, obviously annoyed. 
“You’ll find out later.“
“Hm.“
“Oh and, just so you know. That entire convo was recorded. Thanks!“
Miguel groans, and Lyla vanishes as soon as she came in. 
. . . 
Miguel dives headfirst into the inter-dimensional juncture, leaping directly into the skies of Earth-681. There’s millions of skyscrapers below, all of them almost identical to any other Earth he’s been on. 
He webs a nearby building, slinging himself through Queens in search of you. His spidey-sense picks up, detecting you to be in his far right. Faster than ever, he slingshots himself through buildings, his heart quickening in his chest at the thought of seeing you. 
Unexpectedly, you aren’t where you’re supposed to be. 
Miguel pauses himself onto the head of a gargoyle, eyes flickering left and right to try and find you. You’re supposed to be hugging him, kissing him, teasing him about dates and what not. 
“Boo.“
Miguel doesn’t even flinch, but he’s more excited than ever to see you. He misses you so much. 
You laugh to yourself, taking a few steps forward to Miguel. He rolls his eyes, and you can even see it through his mask. 
“Haha, very funny.“
“I know, I’m the funniest.“
“C’mere.“
Miguel wastes no time, hastily tugging you into him by your waist, until you’re close enough to hear his heartbeat. You tug your mask off, revealing the face that Miguel knows and loves. 
Tenderly, the man presses you into a kiss, savoring the taste of your lips for a moment longer than he should’ve. You can feel the poke of his fangs on your bottom lip, and you yelp a little in his mouth. 
“Ah, I’m sorry.“
“It’s fine-“
And he a presses a few more gingerly kisses to your cheek, stroking your other with his thumb. His big hand lingers on your lower back, threatening to ghost his fingers against your behind. 
“See, told you I’d finish him off before you’d come.“ You say, indulgently resting your chin on his chest. 
“Can’t believe Jess sent you out here, on your break day too.“ Miguel scowls, “Wanted to take you somewhere special.“
“Welp, now I’m free.“ You shrug, and Miguel leans the both of you against the concrete walls of the tower. 
Something sparks in Miguel’s mind. 
“Hun, what does whipped mean?“
“Whipped?“
“Mhm. Lyla mentioned it earlier.“
You chuckle a little. 
“It’s what you are, Miguel.“
“And what, exactly, is that?“
“Absolutely in love with me. Like you’ll do anything, k’know?“
Miguel grumbles to himself, releasing you from his embrace. 
“I hate that she’s right.“
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miguel gets jealous oneshot (same universe)
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sinning-23 · 5 months
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Calling Them By Their Full Name
OPLA Headcannons! I thought htis was a funny little thing lol. Anyway enjoy
Warnings: slight mentions of nsfw topics but nothing too serious
Sorry for any spelling errors!
Luffy
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-ohhhhh that did not sound like your usual happy, loving voice.
-he knows he fucked up and now he’s hiding from your wrath.
-“MONKEY D. LUFFY, GET YOUR ASS IN THIS KITCHEN. NOW.”
-you could hear a pen drop from how quiet the ship got
-ok so maybe he ate that super expensive, super special dessert you had been saving for a while now. And like, it was going to go bad! All he wanted was a little taste! Than a taste turned into accidentally eating the whole thing.
-He was gonna tell you, honest! But it had proven obvious you found out before he could. He seen you round the corner with RAGe on your face and tears in your eyes.
-"TRAITOR!" You yell, throwing a tired punch to his chest.
-“I’m sorry mami, I’ll find you another one. Promise.” He hums, peppering your face with kisses, squeezing your face between his palms when he did.
-There’s no way you could stay mad at him for long
Zoro
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-whoa whoa whoa why are you so ANNNGRY
-hated when you call him by his full name like that, makes him feel like a child being reprimanded
-“RORONOA GODDAMN ZORO.” You boom, Nami’s jaw dropping at the sound. Even she could tell you were pissed
-he’s the sassiest mf alive so he’ll probably just be like, “who the hell are talking to woman?!”
-“You’re a real piece of work you know that??” You’re still yelling and he wastes no time rolling his eyes at you and grabbing you by your waist, the action shutting you up.
“Wanna stop yelling and be a big girl and tell me what’s wrong?” He teases, that stupid smirk you love falling over his features at your speechlessness.
-It’s not often you say his full make but when you do he makes sure you’ll never forget it that same night.
-“Say my name baby, real loud.” He groans, a hand around your throat to steady spent body as he slams back into you
Sanji
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-I know thats not a cigarette i smell Vinsmoke Sanji."
-awe hell. Yout tone is deadly. he tried he damndest to stomp it out before you rounded the corner but nope.
-You never use his full name like that. Never.
-did he just get chills?
-"Of course not my love!" He lies throigh his teeth but before he can say anything ese you re lips are on his, you fist gripping the fabric of his shirt.
-He knew he was caught, the taste of tobacco mixing with your usual mint. You pull away, smoothing his shirt out with a warning smile.
-"Don’t lie to me again, I’ll always know when you do, Black Leg." You explain , taking the small cardboard box from his pocket and walking off.
-Even though it was ment as a threat, he couldn't help but feel hotter than ususal. God he loved it when you talked all serious to him.
Bonus: Mihawk
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-You know better than to use his full name. Orr to even call him anything besides the usual endearing pet name.
-So when he hears his name called with nothing short of rage, hes trying to figure out who you think you’re talking to.
-"Dracule. Mihawk." You spit, holding the empty bottle in your hand
-Ok so your rage was warented cause he managed to drink the entire vintage bottle of wine you'd been saving...it wasn’t like it was on purpose!
-He doesn’t even bother to look up from his book, just barely giving you a slight glance when you were right in front of him, pointing to the bottle.
-"Id watch your tone darling." he warns, smirking at the way you purse your lips and turn away with a fierce attitude he'd be sure to deal with later.
-“Oh shove it up your ass Dracule.” You scoff, trying to quicken your pace but failing when he’s already behind you, his much larger hand holding your wrist as you yelp.
-His look says it all. You’re screwed.
-So now you’re sitting pretty, bent over and counting each time his hand meets the sore and slightly reddened flesh of your ass.
-“Now, what’s my name again darling?”
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zephyrchama · 8 days
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“Don’t,” you warned Lucifer. You saw that self-assured grin on his face. You knew what he was planning.
“What? I just came to see what you were doing.” He leaned on your shoulder with enough weight to tilt you several inches sideways, no matter how much you pushed back. “Don’t mind me, carry on.”
“Don’t you have more important things to do?” you retorted, but it was too late. The others were catching on.
“Hey, hey! What’s going on?” Mammon came over and pushed against your other shoulder, tilting you back upright. “What are two of my favorite people doin’?”
You tried to shrug them both off, to no avail. “We’re not doing anything. We can stop this.”
You couldn’t stop it. Asmodeus was on his way and wasted no time crossing his arms over your back, happily leaning into you from behind. You tilted forward. “Hey! What’s happening here?”
You sighed, “we’re not doing this again.”
Asmodeus teased you with honeyed innocence, “doing what, hon? Something on your mind?”
These three demons thought they were so funny.
A passing Satan made eye contact with you. In that exact moment, you used every bit of imaginary telepathy you could muster. Surely Satan would understand. He could save you. He could free you before it really was too late.
He observed what his brothers were doing, nodded, and approached with a congenial grin. Mission failed.
“Traitor!” You regretted ever agreeing to join this exchange program as Satan slowly fell back into you. You didn’t even try to catch him, you were too busy trying to remain upright under the combined weight of four demons. They were hardly even holding back.
You couldn’t see who was running up, being too busy blowing Satan’s blonde hair out of your face, but at this point it didn’t matter. They were all coming for you.
“Let me in on this!” Leviathan said cheerily.
“Yeah!” “Come on!” Asmodeus and Mammon gladly made some room for Leviathan, which was difficult because you were sinking lower and lower, and you felt another weight pile onto your back as Levi cozied up to your torso. This scenario had played out enough times now that the brothers could somehow keep you from falling over like a Jenga tower, but it was still only a matter of time.
Belphegor squeezed his way in between Satan and Lucifer and wordlessly collapsed onto you as if overcome with narcolepsy. He sure looked cozy. He smirked while you lamented, “I’m never forgiving any of you, ever.”
“Beel? Are you coming?” Lucifer summoned the cherry on top of this ridiculous parfait. You braced as Beelzebub licked the crumbs off his fingers in preparation. He knew what had to be done.
“Are you ready?” At least he had the decency to ask, unlike six other degenerates. The six lumps of dead weight each grabbed a part of your body, shifting from leans to awkward hugs. There was no way to run.
With an exaggerated “hah!”, Beelzebub’s weight and outstretched arms were enough to send everyone crashing down. You were protected from any real damage by the shell of demon brothers, but they soon had you pinned down against someone’s chest in the world’s most embarrassing cuddle pile.
“Aren’t you guys too old for this?” you asked. “By like, ten thousand years?”
“We were just checking up on you,” Lucifer said.
“Yeah, how did this happen? Hmm..!” Asmodeus’s voice dripped with sarcasm.
Satan draped his leg over yours and not-so-accidentally kicked Lucifer. “You should have told us what you were doing.”
“I think it’s fun.” Belphegor was the only one to admit the truth.
Hands were running through your hair and over your stomach. Somebody was pushing the edge of your mouth up into a smile with their finger. If these guy were so touch-starved, they could have just said so, like sane people.
“My! What do we have here?”
You groaned, partially because everybody was really heavy and partially because you really didn’t need Diavolo to arrive just then.
“My lord, it appears we have walked in on something quite interesting.” Et tu, Barbatos?
”Indeed! Is there room for two more?”
Your “no!” was drowned out by seven resounding yeses.
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empresskylo · 9 months
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cod men headcanons in an age gap relationship?
i have such a thing for age gaps...i blame society. also, i’m only including ghost, price, and alejandro because the other men are too young imo. ik some of their ages are debatable, so in my mind, ghost is at least 30.
Ghost
♡ honestly, i don't think my guy really gives a shit if there is an age difference between you two. like his morals are all skewed, and the last thing he'd waste time worrying about would be a *legal* age gap.
♡ being younger than him would just make his nicknames for you that much more adorable. he likes to add the words 'little' and 'tiny' in front of a lot of the things he calls you. "little mouse" "little dove" "tiny girl/boy"
♡ regardless of how much experience you have (with relationships, sex, etc) he will always act like he knows more than you. he can find himself treating you like you’re so innocent and new to everything--even if you do the same line of work as him, i.e. killing people. and it can definitely annoy you.
♡ it doesn’t matter how many people you’ve been with or how many people you’ve killed; no matter what, he knows more than you. and honestly, even tho it can annoy you sometimes, him being so dominant is just super hot.
♡ “simon, i know how to do it” you whined, as he wrapped his arms around you, showing you how to properly use a sniper. you were used to so many other guns, but not snipers. “mhm,” he mocked, stepping away from you. when you shot the gun, you missed your target by quite a few feet. your cheeks warmed and you hesitated before looking back at simon. his arms were crossed over his chest as he eyed you. you could tell he had a smug smile plastered across his face under his mask. he did not need his ego inflated any more than it already was.
Price
♡ price was definitely concerned when he first realized he had feelings for you. he knew you were of age, but that didn't stop the odd feeling he got when he was around you--like he was taking advantage of you.
♡ and his way of flirting was to act like your father… he thought he was being nice, showing you how to do stuff, always having your back. but my god was he appalled when you were frustrated with him one day after he keep hounding you about something.
♡ “Ok, dad! i get it!” “what did you just call me?” You heard the anger in his tone. shit, you were getting too comfortable around your captain, you should not have teased him like that. “S-sorry, captain. I didn’t mean—“ He cut you off, clearly agitated for a different reason than you being smart with him. “is that how you view me, doll? like a father?” if you said yes, price would know he needed to back off. he could take a hint. “No… I… You just wouldn’t get off my back. I was just trying to be funny.” You felt so embarrassed as you explained yourself. Price got into your space and grabbed your chin in his hand, titling your head up to look at him. you gulped. “you wanna call me endearments? go ahead. but don’t ever call me that again.” he looked at you a moment longer before turning away. suddenly fueled with adrenaline, you called after him. “what about daddy?” Price spun around quicker than you could register before he was pushing you backward, his hand tight in your hair as he yanked your head back to look up at him again with a gasp. “fuckin’ brat,” he muttered, a sly smile crossing his lips.
♡ as much as price truly does not care about your sexual history, he’d be lying if he said it didn’t turn him on a bit knowing how much more innocent you were than him. you could have slept with a bunch of people for all he cared, but knowing you were that much younger than him, he knew he had more experience than you regardless. and something about that sparked a flame in his chest. he had a thing for wanting to show you the ropes.. but he definitely felt guilty about thinking that way. he wouldn’t have been any less attracted to you knowing you slept with a hundred other people. he knew you being “innocent” shouldn’t turn him on. but it did…
♡ he is very possessive of you. doesn’t like the idea of other men thinking they have a chance with you. but he can get a bit self-conscious whenever a younger man approaches you or checks you out. “you really wanna be with an old man like me?” he’d ask. as confident as he is, in the beginning of your relationship, being so much older than you made him second guess himself. shouldn’t you want to be with someone your own age? “jesus, price. you’re only 37. you act like you’re knocking on hell's door.” he’d start tickling you for your bratty remark, but it definitely placated some of his nerves.
♡ and since he has more experience dating wise, he’d say “i love you” pretty early on. he’s not dating you thinking it’s some fling. he’s serious about you. and he’s lived long enough to know when he’s in love. and he’s not afraid to say it.
♡ you were saying goodbye to price as he went off on a mission. he’d only be gone a few days, but you’d hate every minute of it. he kissed you, his mustache tickling your lip. “i love you,” he murmured when he pulled away. he smirked as he appraised your stunned face. and he’d turn and leave before you had a chance to process his words, knowing you wouldn’t be able to get them out of your head the whole time he was gone.
Alejandro
♡ definitely feels bad at first, like he’s taking advantage of you. he reminds you all the time to tell him if you’re uncomfortable. that you can say no. he just doesn’t want you to feel used.
♡ as he gets more confident in the way you want him, he starts to use it against you. same as ghost, he mocks you as if you’re so innocent and inexperienced. “see, this is what they call a—“ “Yes, Ale. I know. I’m the one who showed you that.” resulting in a cheeky wink from him.
♡ during training, he embarrassed you in front of the others. when you messed up a move, he made a big deal showing you how to execute it properly even though you’ve been in the army for years now and knew how to do it in your sleep. he liked to see the way you’d get flustered with all the other guys around as he teased you.
♡ he definitely exudes a dominant side and it definitely comes out around you. he wants to do everything for you. wants to carry shit that’s too heavy for you. he wants to be your ride. the first person you call when you need help. he wants to be your everything.
♡ he also acts a little more dominant in bed than he would if he was with someone his age. something about you looking up at him with your sweet little doe-eyes sparked a dominating need within him. he takes control. he leads. he tells you what to do. he barks out commands. he punishes you for being bratty. he takes control in every sense of the word. The only time you can really hold anything over him is when he’s getting close to finishing. you’ll be able to get him to say whatever you want him to, his mind lost in a haze, wanting nothing more than to find the release you’re about to give him. “Please,” he begged. you smiled as you hovered above him. you sank back down on him and continued your motions, and he quickly climaxed. his hands squeezed your hips as he groaned. “fuckin’ perfect.”
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