#I’ve said it like 10 times already but I truly need everyone to see her

[cuteniaarts]

Little Water Lily

[pursuitseternal]

“Possessing:” jealous, possessive Astarion in a double smut update for “Our Blood is Thicker,” featuring a first-time flashback 💞

Astarion x Cordehlia (F!OC) | E | 8.7 K possessive and first time smut

Summary: the Shadow-Cursed lands resurrect more for Cordehlia than an old enemy— more memories and griefs that Astarion can’t recall. If only there was some way to show Astarion their past… memories that kindle the same possessive desires of the past and new professions of… love in the present.

CW: angst, longing, jealousy, possessive Astarion, Kind Uncle Vibes Halsin, arrogant young Astarion, first time hand job, first time fingering, teenage sneaking for sex, inappropriate tadpole use if you squint, absolute feral rutting once the memory is done.

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Chapter 10: Possessing

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Astarion could feel the rage building in his love, shuddering with tension off their leader. They all could. Waves of scarlet temper fluctuating as the Drow inside Moonrise Towers insisted on talking despite Cordehlia’s death stare… insisting on talking with Astarion. This Araj… as she introduced herself with the overconfidence of youth and privilege.

Cordehlia hated her already for both. And more.

Her companions held their breath, watching for those quick and deadly fingers of hers to reach for that shining dagger. And they all wanted to close their eyes the moment they heard the Drow, some expert in blood magic and potions, slather her attentions on The Spawn who pressed at Cordehlia’s side. “I’ve always dreamed of being bitten…”

“Uh oh,” Wyll bemoaned under his breath, taking the opportunity to grab at the she-elf’s elbow and whisper in her pointed ear while the Drow was busy making all her intentions known to Astarion. “Have care, for as much as you would like to run the monster throgh, it would not make things easy for us. Unless you wish to face Ketheric from the inside of a cell…”

“Or dead,” Gale added in her other ear.

Cordehlia gave a single, unwilling nod, rolling her shoulders and crossing her arms. Just as the expert in all things sanguine returned her dark eyes on the rest of them. “Can’t you talk some sense into your charge?”

Cordehlia’s fiery eyebrows raised slowly at that. “My charge?” she spoke between pressed lips. A wave of rebuke held back barely by their need to remain inconspicuous. “My vampire is his own being, he can choose who he bites, who he fucks, whom he loves, who he kills…”

“I’m sure he truly believes that,” the Drow laughed. Disparaging.

“Want a demonstration?” Cordehlia added quickly, a single corner of her mouth turning towards a smile.

“It’s alright, darling,” Astarion turned to meet her stare, caught somewhere between aroused and intimidated himself as it turned to lock those narrowed, hungry, enraged eyes on him.

“Oh, oh I see,” Araj gave a disparaging laugh. “You think he’s yours. All yours. I promise, I’ll leave your lover’s lower regions untouched, I only want a bite. In exchange, I’ll give you a potion so great, you’ll never find another like it in the realms…”

“I’ll thank you to never mention my lower regions again,” Astarion hissed.

“And he said no to you,” Cordehlia snapped, closing one step between her enemy and her beloved. “You can keep clear of us, Drow, of me, my companions, and my vampire. What need do we have of watered down power like blood potions when we have the blessing of the Absolute. I wonder why they keep you here at all.”

That made everyone behind her stiffen, every set of eyes scanning for enemies. Just in case.

But Araj laughed. “Fine, linger in your ignorance with your lover. Savor it while your bodies still haven’t burst into a mess of tentacles. See how romantic your nights of coupling are then… True Soul…”

Three sets of hands pressed against Cordehlia’s back then, but only one pulled her into his arm, tugging her along and back into the halls of Moonrise Towers. “Gods,” Astarion scolded her gently right into her ear as they paused on the outer walls of the tower, “your jealousy nearly got us all killed.”

Was he… angry?

She snapped her neck, turning to scowl right into his face. But that raging expression melted the moment she looked into his. He was so soft, so adoring, head tilted slightly as those crimson eyes widened and brushed over her face.

Until they rested on her lips, pursed tightly.

“That pleases you?” she managed to rasp as her tempers cooled.

“To hear you might just risk bringing the whole army of the Absolute down on us because some other female is pining for me to take a bite?” he smirked wickedly, completely possessive and naughty as his eyes looked to her neck. “And they say romance is dead, darling…”

Just as his palm cupped her cheek, tilting her face so close to his, her warm breath filled his undead lungs and coated his tongue with her taste… Gale cleared his throat.

Loudly. Distracting. Intentionally.

“Need I remind everyone that we stand literally on the precipice of the Absolute’s power? That Ketheric Thorm and his army are literally everywhere…”

“And all you two want to do is fuck,” Karlach burst in with a laugh. “I mean, it’s not a bad plan, it’s just not a plan to take down our enemies, soldier.”

Cordehlia rolled her eyes, gripping the back of his neck in her gauntleted hands. Unable to deny herself just a quick kiss, even at the heart of their enemy’s domain. “Fine,” she sighed. “We find the secret to bringing down this… General, but if anyone comes to try to take any of you from me,” she tapped a finger on Astarion’s perfect, aquiline nose, “especially you… they will find it very hard to think with a dagger buried in their skull.”

“Again, such poetry, such romance,” her vampire purred, his arms struggling to release her. Not that he wanted to either.

They made their way back inside the Tower, and thoughts swirled in Cordehlia’s head, the haze of memories beginning to pierce through that constant blanket of lust Astarion seemed to draw about her at all times.

“Right,” she huffed under her breath. “Let’s go find this imposter who calls himself the General….”

“Imposter?” a deep voice rumbled quietly as Halsin turned around. “How do you mean?”

Cordehlia stopped, the others continuing a few paces ahead. “Ketheric is dead, weren’t you there? Did you not fight in vain glory for his defeat alongside Harpers and Druids and Elves? Did you not see the countless souls sacrificed to put that monster in a tomb?”

“I did,” his pale green eyes scanned her face with all the wisdom and insight three-hundred years lends. “You speak as one who knows of such things yourself, young one.”

Cordehlia’s mouth shut tight. Locking her lips in silence, keeping whatever it was that simmered behind her silver eyes within her.

“I may have joined your band to help break this curse that darkens the land, but make no mistake,” he paused before turning to follow, “I will help do whatever is necessary. But to do so, I need to know more than I can read on your own wizened face.”

She shrugged, pushing past the enormous Druid to rejoin the others. “In good time, perhaps…”

But her words dried up the second she stood on the edge of the gathering in the throne room.

He was there. In flesh. Ancient, grey, undead flesh.

Ketheric Thorm, half-elf, great general, and dead no longer.

Cordehlia heard nothing as she watched with frozen horror the scene before her unblinking eyes. An ax, launched from the hand of some goblin about to be punished for their failure, sliced right into the General’s armor. His great, gauntleted hand pulled it free, as if it were no more than a dull knife in butter.

Immortal. Just as they all had said… back from the dead…

And as she tried to steel over her face and steady her nerves, she forced more of those shadows from her past deep down inside her. They would have to be ignored. For now.

It wasn’t until they were back on the shadow-cursed trails, sent to find the mysterious relic that granted the immortal Ketheric Thorm his power, that Cordehlia finally felt her tenuous hold on reality and on her past begin to slip.

It was a century ago… a lifetime ago, a time when she wandered between losing the love of her life and falling under the spell of bloodlust the Bone Picker loved. Before she found herself totally alone. Not-quite widowed, but decidedly orphaned.

And now, her feet traced the same paths and vaulting roots from dying trees he must have…

Her father.

She kept herself busy, hurrying at the front of the group as they moved headlong into the dark and cursed forest.

“We really should make camp,” Shadowheart commented, “there are many dangers ahead, and we wouldn’t wait to face those exhausted.”

“A wise idea,” Halsin affirmed. “We can get a new start with the dawn… or,” he grinned a bit sheepishly, looking at the lands cursed to eternal darkness, “…if not dawn, at least when we are all rested.”

A few laughs sounded from the group as they headed for safer ground. But not Astarion. And not Cordehlia. She gave that smile that didn’t meet her eyes, holding her shoulders slumped down as if she carried that massive, invisible weight. He could almost feel it himself, just by looking at her. Slowly, he drew nearer, falling within earshot. Within arms reach, should she need him.

But she kept her attention on the Druid, locked in as they headed up the path. “Halsin…” she added, voice shaking just a bit, “you… fought to bring Ketheric down… the first time I mean?”

“Giving up your claim of being an imposter?” the Druid teased, instantly regretting the jovial tone as he saw the lines of her face. As he read her pain. “What troubles you?”

Cordehlia glanced beside her, face easing to find Astarion at her side. First in her heart. Always at her side. “These… ruined battlefields, where so many lives were lost, you’ve been here, Halsin. Tell me, did you fight beside the elven hosts?”

Halsin stopped short. That weight in her voice flooded with knowledge. He froze, nearly mid-step. “I thought you looked familiar…” he commented, almost to himself, eyes scanning the she-elf.

“Why?” Astarion interjected, curious if not a tad bit defensive at the familiarity.

“Of course, Star Elf, red hair that shock of brightness. A temper to defy the gods. You’re the daughter of General Aquilae, aren’t you? You’re just as ferocious in battle, just as passionate and hot-tempered.” The Druid tilted his head, starting to walk again. “I am… sorry for your loss. Sorry his sacrifice must feel like it's in vain with Ketheric back from the dead…”

“Don’t assume to know how I feel,” Cordehlia snapped, chin jutting up, barely meeting the large male’s chest-height. But fierce in demeanor. “Sorry,” she relinquished, that defiance instantly retreating back inside her carefully crafted shell.

“Quite alright. You’re in pain, grieving. But even grief heals, all things heal. Nature will heal, as hearts will too,” Halsin grinned gently, “but it takes time and… many ways of seeking solace…”

Astarion couldn’t fight the way his eyes tweaked in suspicion, hackles raising at the informality. As long as it was his tent that her solace was sought for…

“Aquilae…” Astarion let the name roll off his tongue. Something inside his mind thawing, something creeping into the light. “Is that… your name?”

What normally would have made a tender smile come to her full, pink lips made them scowl instead. “For once… for once, it would be a boon to have you either remember your past, or not ask such obvious questions.” She bit at every word. Her shoulders squared at him, armored and taught.

Those crimson eyes narrowed at her, his mouth hardened into a flat line. An exterior of equal adamant to resist her anger. And to hide his hurt.

“Well, darling,” he shook his head quickly, derisively. “I apologize for my shortcomings,” his gaze darted to the Druid who still lumbered beside her. “And I’ll leave you two to… reminisce correctly, then.” The vampire pushed his way between them, heading for the bustling group as they hurriedly and anxious made a small camp, setting magic wards and torches against the Shadows.

Cordehlia’s heart sank, her stomach knotted, making her want to puke right there and then on cursed grounds, watching him stride from her so quickly.

That exterior of injured pride, that mask of indifference hiding his own pain. Pain she caused. Pain flowed from her own.

Halsin cleared his throat softly. “He means a great deal to you, the Elf. The others gossip about your past constantly. Your Wizard, in particular, seems rather… put out that Astarion has meant so much to you,” the Druid sat himself down on a log, the wood creaking beneath his sheer mass.

But Cordehlia was too uncomfortable to do anything more than sway in place as her eyes darted between her Druid and the rest of her party. Not as if she were watching for every pissed-off dart of her silver-haired vampire in the mix.

“I… believe I know your history, or at least as much of it as the rest do…”

She scoffed, fingers beginning to unbuckle her armor methodically, absentmindedly. “More than he probably recalls,” she huffed under her breath. “If only… things were easier. Not just the tadpole and the Absolute… but with him.”

“Nature does not have regrets, young elf, only growth,” he smiled slightly, his scarred face turning with that wise happiness. “Besides, for as much as you resemble your father, the General…”

“He still seems like the pampered, arrogant, devastatingly handsome son of our High Lord and Lady?” she sniffed, suddenly feeling the warm pull of those years, however ancient they may be.

“I suspected as much. Your father only ever spoke to us briefly, to the point, not unlike his formidable daughter when she feels the need…”

That made Cordehlia grin softly once more.

“He had said once, on the eve of battle, he regretted risking his daughter to lose another… that you had already lost so much of your heart, an engagement to the next High Lord ending in tragedy.”

Halsin paused, turning to follow her own sharp, unerring gaze into the mess of companions. Watching as her eyes followed her lover through the crowd, her whole being growing heavier with grief each second that passed.

He let her breathe in silence a moment, waiting for her to speak. At last, something seemed to ease within her. “He was my everything, Halsin. My childhood playmate, my first kiss, my… first of many things…” Her voice was steady, aching with grief and joy mixed into one weighty tone. “He defied his parents to ask for my hand, well… his weakness for planning ahead worked that once, for as much… shame as it could have brought on us both. But I didn’t care. I had him.”

“The son of the High Lord and the daughter of the General must not have been such a match to frown upon,” Halsin sounded.. wistful. Cordehlia wasn’t sure. But she turned to look anyway. “At least now, for whatever darkness you both have endured, you share in one another’s burdens. But you can’t fault him for how he has… survived his pain by pushing down his memories. They will return, in time, as all things…”

“In nature heal,” Cordehlia finished with a laugh. “You’re rather predictable, Druid.”

“Three-hundred and fifty years, and you learn the value of consistency, young one,” he laughed, standing from the log. “Now, we better return before your vampire’s jealousy turns its hungry attention on me as a threat.”

Cordelia gathered the plates of her armor she had removed, walking them towards camp. And then she paused. Cursing.

Of course… as it had been of late, since that night in the Emerald Grove, all her things were in… his tent. Her stomach sank. She… wasn’t ready to face him yet. Wasn’t ready for his chilled anger or his glare of simmering rage, or his little frown of hurt.

But she swallowed her dread and headed towards that stretched structure of red and rose fabric.

It was already so dark, just the flickers of torchlight dancing to show her the way. Pausing, her hand hesitated before it pulled back the flap so she could enter. Cordehlia swallowed, why was she so nervous, he night not even be inside. Might be out hunting… or helping… or…

Before any other thought could make her hesitate longer, a pale hand shot out at her from within, wrapping its cold, undead touch around her wrist, and dragged her inside his darkened domain.

His tent was blacker than pitch. Even for her elf-eyes, it took her a moment to adjust her sights. But she could feel him around her, grabbing her from behind, hand around her chin, arm clutched around her waist, as he pulled her within.

“I didn’t think you’d come, darling…” his voice chilled her marrow, all the jealousy she had imagined inside him biting his words. “Thought you’d be too busy strolling down memory lane with someone who could walk with you…” his lips pushed against the edge of her ear, nipping it with his fangs, “just as you’ve always wanted…”

“You know what I want…” she murmured, arching against the confines of his body.

“Hmmm,” he taunted, and she could feel his breath trailing down her neck. “I thought I did… I’m surprised that you’re here, not indulging in some time with your warm-blooded companion who knows you… and most likely wants to… know you.” His mouth sucked on her ear, “carnally, to be clear.”

“Tch, tch,” she forced her body to twist in his hold, landing the point of her elbow in his gut to make his grip ease. Savoring the little grunted “oof” he made. “Don’t think so low of yourself, my love,” she breathed, scanning the way his face twitched between suspicion and arousal. “As if I could take anyone else, now that I have you back with me at last…”

She meant it, every word. Those eyes soft with sincerity, those lips already slightly puckered to invite him closer.

But he still had too much jealousy gripping his undead heart, too much ice flowing in his veins yet. “You’d rather have someone remember, I know, someone who knew your name, your father, someone who recognizes the family resemblance of your temper to match your hair… someone who can match the… intimacy you seek with your memories in the same way they might with your delicious body.” He pouted, those full lips of his frowning in taunting disapproval. “If only there was some way for us to share thoughts and memories, mind to mind…” he turned to give her the full power of his gaze then, and it made her lose her breath with his beauty, his intensity. That rakish cant of his brows and the haze of hunger in his eyes.

Her brows raised slowly, her smile spreading. “What are you suggesting, Astarion?”

He let his fangs show, his hands gripped into the soft flesh of her upper arms. “Show me, show me everything. Use the parasite, link your mind to mine, for I’ll be damned if anyone…” he growled with a snap of his jaw, “anyone lays a claim to you more than me.”

“Why, Master Ancunìn,” she smirked, running the pads of her fingers down that sharp cut of his jaw, “jealousy does rather become you.”

He stiffened beneath his touch, the muscles of his jaw tweaking as he clenched.

“You’re… not just jealous, are you?”

His eyes cast to the side. Just enough hint of remorse, of regret and longing softened his face.

“I… can’t explain it,” he whispered, almost sounding frightened to let the words out. “All I have known for so long is to manipulate, to do as I was commanded, to use my body and bury my mind, my feelings so far down, I… forgot what it was to think or feel for myself.”

His hands began to wander, to stroke her smooth skin and taught muscles beneath her shirt.

“And then, I found you, or rather, you found me. You forced me to confront those parts of me I neglected in order to survive. You made me rediscover what it meant to want a person…to want anything for myself. Like how you almost tore the throat of that vile Drow today, just for assuming you could compel me to bite her fetid flesh.”

He breathed, that jealousy still crept close by, his fingers insistent on her flesh, even with all the vulnerability that flooded his voice.

“I… should say thank you, my darling, but I would rather show you my gratitude. Rather stand at your side as equals, knowing everything that makes you… you.”

“That makes us… us,” she added, a smile soft on her lips. Her hand held his, pulling him down along with her, sitting on the mess of his blankets and pillows he called a bed. Before he could even settle completely, she crawled in his lap, wrapping her legs around his waist, cradling his cheek in her palm. His eyes bore into hers, the intensity, the possessiveness, the curiosity burning bright in the deep red of his eyes. “What would you wish to see?” she asked softly.

“Show me your father, show me you… show me our first moments, our sweetest moments, our most sensual, our most painful,” he rasped, brows furrowed with his ardor. “I want to recall… everything…”

She paused for a breath, eyes closing as if she searched those memories. Finally, her silver eyes opened, her gaze was languid, distant, and desirous. “Open yourself to me,” she whispered so close to his own parted lips.

A single brow arched in humor, “That's my line, darling…”

Before she could tease him or roll her eyes, their minds smashed into one another, their tadpoles humming as the world around them instantly disappeared….

———

“What do you have to say for yourself, lordling?” General Aquilae stared at him with those piercing dark eyes. Sharp like the eagle, the bird of prey after which he was named. “Son of the High Lord, caught watching our daughter bathing, you know there will be repercussions even your parents can’t pull enough strings to free you from…” The warrior’s voice rumbled like thunder, towering over where the young elf male stood in his study.

But Astarion gave no ground, arms crossed over the pale green of his tunic, the golden threads of its intricate embroidery catching the firelight as night began to fall. His sharp features smiled slightly, his deep violet eyes dancing as he watched the warrior pacing back and forth, that silver shock of hair barely tamed, same as he was as a youth, barely more tamed than the willful elfing that ran about with his daughter.

And now… now they would be inseparable. They had to be.

“You know what you have done has sealed Cordehlia’s fate as much as your own, little lord?” the general added. His voice sharp, direct.

“I would hope so, Commander,” Astarion purred in reply, “I thought my affections for your daughter were on… full display this afternoon.”

General Aquilae pressed his thick fingers into his temples, rubbing them as if to ease a headache. “You know, Astarion, most young males court their intendeds with letters or poems or art or song… not their cock in their hand as they watch them bathing.”

Astarion shrugged, coolly and casually. “I have never been like most young males, Commander. You have always known that, as loyal friend of my parents, their faithful General…”

“You can leave your parents out of this, boy,” the general straightened. “What will you do to make this right by Cordehlia? Leave her to the shame you’ve inflicted? To the gossip and the ostracization of her peers?”

“I intend to make her mine, General,” he replied. Steadily, those hard, smirking lines of his face easing as his smile dropped.

The commander turned to round one more time across his study, his boots falling harshly against the wooden planks of the floor. Until he drew up short. “It’s close, but you need to be clear, Ancunìn. You’ll make her your what? Mistress, whore…”

“Bride.”

It was a simple word. Uttered so clearly, so matter-of-factly, all ears that heard it frozen.

Her father. And Cordehlia. The sneaky she-elf who peered through the smallest chink in the wall, who held her breath to hear two men discussing her future. But at that word, her heart soared, scared, excited, terrified and… something else she didn’t know. Something that stabbed her like a hot poker in the gut and flooded her abdomen with heat. She could see Astarion’s face perfectly from here; he looked so regal, so confident. So happy. Especially at making her father draw up short and stop, at a loss for words.

“Well, General?” Astarion grinned, smiling so self-assured, so cocky, “do you need me to repeat, sir?”

“No,” the older elf cleared his throat loudly and repeatedly. “Thank you.”

Astarion bowed his silver-tousled head. “If that is set arights, then perhaps I can break the happy news to my intended myself?”

“Firstly,” General Aquilae raised a single thick digit at the boy, “I will set you straight on this point, lordling. You are both far too young by the rights of our people to marry. Prepare yourselves for a long engagement, one where you had better show her nothing but the respect and devotion befitting a female of our status…” he narrowed his large silver eyes down at the boy, “even if it is still beneath your own, Master Acunìn.”

Astarion flashed a bright smile, a deferential bow of his head and shoulders, hand placed graciously over his heart. “On my honor,” he crooned, magnanimous in tone. Just like his parents. “The lady and I will wait for years, for decades, if that is your sage guidance.”

“Not decades, no,” he sniffed in rejoinder. “Don’t be so grandiose, boy. Five years hence at most until you may wed, unless any unexpected, little… surprises… come up in the meantime…”

Violet eyes wide, Astarion remained still at the implication. He swallowed hard, much to her father’s satisfaction. “Yes, General,” he murmured in reply. The meaning was clear enough.

General Aquilae almost laughed at the submission, the immediate effect of discomfort that smacked the boy across his pristine, handsome, and youthful face. It would be enough to scare the boy into caution for the time being. And that would be enough for now. “Allow me to fetch your intended, then.” He crossed towards the door, but paused when the boy gave that signature boisterous giggle.

“No need,” he giggled again. “Cordehlia already has her ear pressed to the wall, eyes peering through keyholes, I shouldn’t wonder…”

That violet, glinting gaze looked right at her… where she had one eye locked through the crack in the wall. A smile dancing on his thick, parted lips.

Quickly, she moved and held her breath, flouncing her gown and making her way as if she were simply strolling by the study door, a little book in hand as if she were lost in reading. Her father threw open the dark wooden door. “Daughter,” he ordered. No other words needed. His lined brow furrowed to see her, in fact, so close to his study.

“Yes, Father?” she lilted, tucking the book neatly against her chest as she folded her arms. “Is… is there something the matter?”

“I’ll let you find out for yourself,” he replied, walking out the door, “but no, nothing the matter.” His rough hand caught his daughter’s fingers from her book, giving them a tender squeeze before he left them to it.

Her heart raced, slowly turning to face that smirking youth in her father’s study. The one who went toe to toe with her father, and lived to tell the tale.

“Astarion,” she beamed, open and exuberant to see him against her better judgment to be coy. “It is late, you know.”

“No better time for a man to call upon his beloved, his intended…” he grinned, all feline and subtle, striding to shut the door behind her. “I don’t need to regale you with all the negotiations do I? You were listening ever so intently from your little hiding spot, weren’t you?”

“Of course,” she smiled, taking a few steps away from where he felt so close to her. Crossing, she sat on the little couch near the fire. And she regretted it the instant he sat immediately beside her. “I… I suppose I should thank…”

“Don’t,” he interjected. “Tch,” he sucked his teeth, a habit of his when teasing her lately, “I told you I would get what I wanted, Cordehlia.”

“And, what was that?” she forced her face into a blank, innocent expression. Wide-eyed and pouting, hiding the laughter that bubbled inside.

“You,” he slowly seemed to lean in. “Despite my parents’ plans for a marriage alliance… despite your father’s hesitations…” his eyes cast down the front of her down, scanning the intricate weave of laces and ribbons that held her in, even as her chest heaved with panting and her bosoms threatened to spill out the top. “Despite even your own thoughts of self-inadequacy…”

“Oh, I do not doubt my own measure, Astarion,” she chided in reply, “I doubt that I will be enough to satisfy you and your… ambitions.”

“Wanting great things out of life means nothing if I can’t share it with you, my…” he whispered, that edge of pretend leaving his silken voice. A single finger pressed under her chin, feeling her throat swallowing and her jaw bobbing as she nervously met his gaze. “Hmmm, what shall I call you now?” he grinned. “My friend seems too unromantic. My intended, my betrothed… those seem so cumbersome.”

“Something simple, sweet and flirtatious,” she smiled, leaning into the heat of his touch, more of his fingers beginning to sweep over her cheek. “Nothing too saccharine… just a little something… darling…”

“Oh,” he gave that secretive half smile of his, “aren’t you just darling? So sweet and yet deceptively strong… that hint of irony behind it.. yes. Yes, it’ll do nicely, darling…”

Her eyes darted away, feeling so hot, cheeks flushed and burning, his hand still holding her face. But that heat swirled in her gut, her mind still reeling over the events of that day, and while her skin was clean from bathing, her mind had turned to only images and questions that were so, very dirty. “So…” she paused, feeling his face drawing nearer, his breath washing over her. “What was it you were caught doing exactly?”

Astarion’s eyes flashed, wide and dilating as he stared at that impertinent grin. “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean… I wish to know… what… you were doing while you watched me,” her voice grew quieter, deeper in her throat the more she spoke.

“I was… pleasuring myself,” he managed to say, watching her cheeks growing pinker and pinker.

“Show me,” she whispered. Her chin jutted out in that over-confident way of hers.

Astarion cocked his head, a single corner of his lip curving slightly. “What?” he drolled.

“Show me… what you were doing…” she whispered, eyeing the door shut beside them, pure mischief in her silver eyes. “Show me, please…”

“I do so like it when you ask so sweetly,” he raised his brow, grinning widely as he leaned towards her breathtaking face. “So refined and smoothed over your edges, and yet…” His fingers pressed on her chin, tilting her upwards and drawing her close to his lips, “I still see that willful, feral playmate of mine who never once treated me like the son of the High Lord…”

“Quit your stalling, Acunìn,” she snapped, smiling all the while. Her body was pulsing, hotter than the fire before them should have made her. Her skin grew tighter the more he touched her.

“I can show you,” he whispered, smirking as his eyes darted towards the door. “But I’ll not do it in your father’s domain. Not when I’ve just garnered his dissenting approval.”

Her breath grew heavy, her dress suddenly too tight. “Where… when…?”

“It’s your home, darling. Can’t you think of someplace quiet… someplace intimate…”

“The gardens,” she couldn’t reply quickly enough. “I can slip from my terrace, if you meet me.”

“Then I shall be there,” his voice was thick, his lips brushing hers as he spoke. It made her stomach knotted and fluttery. Made her skin burning and her blood pounding. Whatever it was she was about to learn, she could barely wait the few moments it would be to sneak away.

Then he kissed her, more than just the little pecks as children. More than the courtly press of his mouth on her gentle fingers. He spared her nothing, for she knew full well already the twist of his tongue around her own, the sucking of his lips and the clack of his teeth against hers. But this kiss, this devoured her. Sucked her breath and filled her tastebuds with him alone. Until she forgot to so much as breathe.

A loud footstep outside the door made them suddenly draw apart, the turn of the handle making Astarion shoot right up from the couch to stand coolly at the mantle, a chilled, contented smile on his lips as her father returned.

As if those lips weren’t just consuming his daughter.

“It’s late, Master Acunìn,” the General commented, always direct, always commanding.

“Yes, well, there will be many years ahead of us for goodnight and goodbyes, isn’t that right, my darling?” the young elf nodded his head to his future bride. Who, very wisely, kept her flushing face away from the sight of her father.

“Yes, Astarion,” she replied, all joy and music in those two words. “Goodnight to you both,” she stood to dip a curtsy. “I am ever so pleased with our arrangement,” she added, smiling as she made her way from the room.

“As am I,” Astarion replied, locking eyes with the General. “Goodnight, my future bride and father. I can see myself out.”

“So long as you don’t see yourself back in, boy,” her father laughed under his breath. A cold sort of laugh, wisened by experience past the machinations of youth. “You have years for that. The blink of an eye for our kind.”

Astarion nodded his head, eyes still fixed on his exit. Careful not to give away the racing of his heart in anticipation. Gratified that his instincts were sharper than the General, the aging elf whose eyes he could feel until the moment he shut the door to their home behind him.

It would be an easy deception, to head down the path towards the road and double back to the little garden. The moon was bright, and the stars even brighter. Hanging arbors of bright purple and rosy blooms covered the walls and trellises.

She had chosen well, a secluded spot, hidden and muffled. He watched her room, a little cutaway on the ground floor, as he had before. Her shadow moving in the light, the flicker of candles gutting out as he heard the door to her terrace open.

He peered out from behind the arbor, her eyes instantly setting on him, her mouth parting in a smile. Hoisting her skirt, she ran over the little tiled terrace, scrambling, almost vaulting over the balustrade to land in his arms.

“I can’t believe you did that, Astarion,” she panted, instantly pressing her lips against his. “You’re so much trouble…”

“Yes,” he breathed in between her moving lips, “but aren’t I just worth it?”

“Show me what you were doing and we will see,” she growled into his mouth, his hands already skating over the silks of her gown, pawing beneath the edges of her robe. His fingers traced down her arm, weaving into her hand. Pulling her, they reached the little bench, nestled among the hanging vines of sleeping flowers. All was quiet and shadow. The air was cool against their burning skin, the stone of the bench even colder as they slammed into it, tumbling down to sit side by side. Pressed so tightly together, her leg draped between his. His arms pulled tightly around her waist.

“First day giving me your word you’ll be mine,” he panted, “and already all you want to know is how to pleasure me?”

“Well,” she shoved him away, hand planted firmly on his chest. “I already know how to tease you, to best you, to anger you and calm you…” she tilted her head with a sultry, knowing smile. “I’m sure there is much I have yet to learn… and I am eager for you to teach me.”

“You’ve come a long way from flinging mud in my face and threatening to tattle on my father, darling,” his words tickled her cheek as he hovered over her ear. “If you wish to learn, this lesson will be completely… hands on.”

“Save your wit, Astarion,” she hissed, a smile on her face, her hands already straying over the soft fabric of his tunic. “Need I remind you, after today, you had the advantage of knowing the sight of me… all of me. I have yet to have the same pleasure.”

“All in good time, after all…” he pulled away to stare into her eager eyes, so bright as they caught the starlight, “we have years ahead of us now.”

His hand covered hers, sliding it lower, letting her fingers brush over his belly that clenched as he struggled for air. Astarion said nothing, just giving her that half a smile that made her blush. His eyes watched her face blanch as he moved her hand even lower, to press it against where he was hard yet again that day. Slowly, he moved her fingers up and down it, her mouth hanging open slightly to feel its length from where it met his pelvis to the tip that pressed somewhere down the leg of his breeches.

She swallowed hard. Her breath was harsher than ever. Than even after sprinting.

“Well,” he finally purred as he kept their hands working over him slowly. “I only saw the parts of you that glittered in the water above its surface, and I have never been more jealous of some dewy drops on your skin before.”

Cordehlia smirked, beginning to move her hand more freely, fingers tracing the rounded edges of whatever it was beneath. “Now poetry? I prefer you razor wit…”

“How about nothing more than the sounds we make all on our own?” he breathed, his hands pulling the laces from his breeches free. She felt it shift as the fabric released. That hard thing twitching as he reached inside. She couldn’t look away, the sight of him making her mouth water.

And her body even hotter than she had ever been in his presence, in his arms before.

She shut her jaw, clenching it as she watched his hand wrap around its width, watched as it jerked and twitched as he beat over it back and forth. “It’s not like you to hesitate or to balk when something is… hard.”

One hand shoved his shoulder, the other wrapped to join his grip around that… thing. She exhaled as she squeezed, the skin so smooth, the whole shaft so hot and pulsing with the beat of his heart. And so hard as he had joked. Rigid and silken, hard and smooth. Her touch straying towards its tip, she saw it dripping, little white, almost clear drops as she touched it. She swept it in her fingers, tacky and slick over that fleshy tip.

He groaned as she did so, and instantly she pulled away. “Sorry,” she hissed, her cheeks growing even redder in shame to hurt him.

“No,” he panted, grabbing her hand back to encircle that tip again. “The opposite, it felt amazing, the way you touch my cock…”

“Oh,” she smiled, reapplying the same sort of stroke over that little slit, feeling it seeping again as she touched him. “So…” she tilted her head, meeting those dilated, violet eyes, “…you like this?”

“Mmm, very much, even better than when I touch myself and think of you. The real thing is so much better,” he groaned again as she stroked harder, faster, like he had before. Head thrown back, he closed his eyes, savoring that no-longer-timid touch.

“What happens next?” she asked, somehow breathless herself.

“The best part,” he replied through clenching teeth. “Whatever you do, don’t dare stop…” he was growling, his hips raising as she kept that beat. He rocked on the stone bench, hands gripping into the edge. She watched as he contorted, seeming to be in agony, that cock in her hand growing harder and hotter, but she didn’t dare stop. Like he asked.

She felt it shudder in her fingers, his body clenching as he groaned. Collapsing forward, he kept shaking as noise after pained and panting noise came from his mouth. More of that sticky white drips shot from him, and Cordehlia held her breath, so certain she had hurt him.

A fear that was dispelled the moment she looked at his face now. His slack-mouthed smile, his eyes wide and glowing in the moonlight, he wrapped his hand around the back of her neck and pulled her against him. Lashing his mouth to hers, he muttered such sweet things into her lips. “That was…” he paused to breathe, “amazing. You were perfect. Better than I had dreamed…”

“It looked painful,” she replied, breaking away with a push on his chest again. Turning her head, she looked where the stones of the terrace were discolored and wet, where his cock still dripped a little more of that gleaming whiteness. “And you call that pleasuring yourself?”

“I assure you, he grinned, brows raising, lips quirking, “it is quite the opposite of painful.”

“Hmm,” she hemmed, skeptical as she turned to look back into that face.

“You look like you need some.. convincing…”

His hands wrapped around her waist, slowly starting to gather up the thin silks that covered her perfect, pale skin.

“I think I can show you, if you let me,” he crooned, mouth smiling wider.

“You’re going to teach me how to… pleasure myself?” Oh, she was so haughty, so confident and daring. Even when she was wrong, it was stimulating.

“Really?” She kept that hand firmly on his chest, even as her body gave her away, her hips sliding slightly closer as his hands pulled her skirts to her knees. “I take it this knowledge was not garnered from first… hand… experience…” she tested him.

“No, no,” he shook his head, smiling with reassurance, “I read it in a book, a most fascinating book…”

“So fascinating that it made you pursue release in… pleasuring yourself after?”

“Seems like you know more than an elegant, righteous she-elf should…” he touched her skin then, sliding two fingers higher from her knee. “You weren’t watching me, were you?” he taunted, fingers tracing back down only to dare higher beneath her skirts.

“No, that seemed to be your duty, my darling,” she laughed as she spoke, low and slick. Her breath came heavier. Her skin flamed hotter the higher he touched.

Then, she looked right into his eyes, all that taunting evaporated, her smile softened, her eyes wide and pleading as she could do nothing more than breathe and lean back even more.

And he kept touching, awed by that look of trust and… love. And then, he slunk those fingers beneath the thin line of her undergarments.

She was… wet. Hot. Those folds he had read about, observed in drawings… it was so much better now. But he needed more.

His other hand gripped her knee, pulling those strong legs of hers apart. A gasp tore from her throat as she let him. Her fingers clutched at the back of his head, locked into his hair as if she was about to collapse.

And then, his touch slid inside. Her eyes shot wide, her face contorting like his had, now she knew why.

He slid those fingertips back and forth, dragging that hot slick more and more through that seam. At last, he circled through that point at the apex, drawing his touch over that hard little spot. Just as he had read. But the way it made her clench and groan was even… more magnificent.

Her cheeks were so pink, her forehead beading with sweat. “What… is that…” she managed to speak, breathless and deep in her throat.

“Give me you hand, sweet Cordehlia, and you can tend to your own needs when I can’t be with you in the shadows.”

She obeyed, keeping that one grip tight around his neck. But the other slipped in to join his so quickly. Pushing harder, sweeping faster, his fingers tried to keep up with the way she was… touching herself.

“Gods,” he groaned, “how does it feel?”

“I… can’t…” she panted, eyes shutting hard as she groaned.

So he slid his fingers in deeper in… in her quivering walls.

“Ah!” she mewled, forgetting they were still in danger, forgetting anyone could hear them.

But Astarion didn’t care, not when she clenched hard and tight around his fingers, not when his cock was pulsing again, aching for another round of his own release.

She shook so hard, she almost pulled him down, her arm releasing instead to hold herself up. Her eyes looked at his body again, settling on where his cock still stood hard and twitching in his lap. “I want to watch you… watch you touch yourself while I…”

“Yes,” he growled, hand slipping from her skirts, rubbing that slick that coated his whole hand over himself. “Gods, Cordehlia,” he couldn’t keep his eyes open, not needing much more than a few more pumps on his cock to set him nearly off again. One last glance of her face wracked with ecstacy, the sound of her orgasm as she beat her own fingers into that hot slick he could smell… it was enough.

It was more than enough.

He watched as she bit her lips and screamed through them, hearing that wet squelch of her fingers beneath her skirt grow somehow wetter sounding.

She was divine. Worthy. Beyond compare. Worth all the wagging tongues of the nobles and disapproving scowls of his parents to make her his.

His.

And with that, he groaned and came again. Harder and more intensely than ever before. Spurting streams of his cum covered the tiles and dripped from his hand.

He looked at her then, her eyes glazed with lust, with sated desire and yet burning up for more.

He was hers as much as she was his…

And he would never be the same.

————

She released his mind. His mouth hung open, his breath ragged.

His heart warmed over, despite being dead, all fluttering and hot. Maybe a fragment of his soul returned to him, he wasn’t sure. The way her silver eyes beat open, that ember of desire in them from the memory of so long ago… it made him realize just how achingly hard he had become.

More than her blood in his stomach, more than the sight of her bathing… it was an ache in his groin and his chest that only one thing could satisfy.

And he could smell the same need between her legs, could hear it in the way her heart raced and rapped in her chest.

Swift and sure, her hands clutched into his shirt, grabbing him hard and pulling him. To make him climb on her body, to cover herself in the only remedy to quell her burning. She pushed his clothes off his skin, his voice reduced to a growl in his throat. Those eager, dexterous fingers ripped his own clothes off, relieved only once he was freed. Once they both were freed, nothing but their skin and desire to share.

“I was your first,” he rasped, crushing her with his body, consuming her with his mouth. “The first to know you, to touch you…”

“To taste me and pleasure me and have me…” she purred, “and I you.”

“And none shall have you like I have… like I do…” Astarion groaned, slipping his fingers into her, just as he had perhaps a million times before. Her arousal was so hot and plentiful, all resistance was gone.

As if her body was made for him. The same way a key can slip so perfectly into its lock.

After those memories, he wouldn’t be surprised if it were so. “You enjoyed learning from me,” he grunted into her mouth, the visions of their memories still flaring in his head. “Didn’t you?”

“Yes,” she sighed back. Her hips bucking hard, riding each crooking touch he made deep inside her.

“Your little shakes of excitement, your wide, innocent eyes and pink little lips wet for me…”

“Yes,” she sighed again, arching and clinging hard around his neck.

“Your lips, your breasts, your honey-dripping cunt… Gods, I want to fuck them all, make every inch of you mine, make them swollen and marked by my bite…” he looked down at her then, teeth glinting as he gave a wide-mouthed grin. “Not the Druid, not the Wizard, not a single one that looks at you would doubt you are mine…”

“Astarion, I’ve been yours,” Cordehlia said, hands gripping hard as she shuddered, feeling her own juices beginning to gush around his fingers, his thumb commanding her with all the dexterity he plied, all the knowledge of her body he now recalled from centuries.

He crooked his fingers even harder through her orgasm, working and fighting against every time she bore down in ecstacy. Panting, she softened around him, beneath him. Yielding to every part of him, body and soul. “Your turn,” she rasped, face nestled against his shoulder. Her hand gripped around his cock, slick already from the drips that already leaked from its tip.

Hips bucking into her fist, his lips peeled back to bare his teeth. “May I?”

“Bite me a dozen times so everyone sees your markings? Yes,” she snickered, rubbing over his shaft just a little faster until he groaned. From her touch or her words, she wasn’t sure. But she loved it either way.

The base of her neck, the throbbing of her jugular, the crest of her collarbone… one after another he nipped and drank. Each bite making her fist clench so tightly around his cock, he had no choice but to let his body rut into her grip. His tongue lapped all over her own ivory skin, her crimson blood thick in his throat as she pleasured him.

That age-old touch that commanded him, pleasuring him as only she could. Thousands of forced lovers over hundreds of years, and for once, he reclaimed that feeling of intimacy, that near-first-time thrill he thought long dead. Making love to one he wanted. One he…

“I love you,” he whispered between her blood-dripping breasts.

“I have always loved you,” the reply couldn’t leave her lips fast enough. Her fingers gripping into the locks behind his pointed ears, pulling his dripping copper-tanged mouth to hers. Furious. Crazed. Matching that possessiveness stroke for stroke with her tongue, nip for nip with her teeth on his lips. Her hand dragged through the pooling blood on her body, running that warm, thick liquid over his cock.

Making him shudder as she ran her touch up and down it again. He groaned with that hot slick gliding over his length. The scent of her blood was too delicious to resist. “As fun as it was to cum all over you when we were young, I’d much rather be invited inside, my love.” He tried to sweeten his voice, but that play on his cock already had him undone.

She only chuckled, guiding him inside her so quickly, he barely could tell what was her fist and what was her folds until her thighs clenched tight around his waist, her hips bucking hard against his own. Riding him with every little bit of passion she had stored inside for him alone.

Possessing her for centuries. Making certain he never forgot now that he was hers to possess as well.

[panoralis]

⋆⠀⠀RAISE OUR GLASSES.⠀⠀ ┉ ⠀⠀ DECEMBER 2021

“⠀⠀ AND IN THE END, even saints can admit her fault was staring through the wrong shade of lenses. ⠀⠀”

STARRING.   hwang haein .. bang chan .. mention of kalaya cherinsuk and hwang gyuri

CW(S).   arguments, possible toxic mindset (particularly when it comes to work and personal relationships), initial refusal to accept accountability, swearing, emotional injuries

MONA SAYS.   welcome to the mini trilogy i unofficially title ‘the happiest girls’ !! i’ve had this planned for a while now then ended up writing this at like.. google docs said 1:08 a.m. slides that out of the way let’s just go with early. also yes, the formats are inspired inspired by fiixion’s ocs and moirtre ♡

UNKNOWN, 10:03 P.M: can you meet me here? UNKNOWN, 10:03 P.M: haein, i don’t want us to dissolve so easily UNKNOWN, 10:03 P.M: please give me this chance

haein swears she blocked his number. but in this universe, she doesn’t have the power to enforce the same command on his manager. it’s not a surprise anymore—he’s clearly mastered the art of finding loopholes.

without the bustling students weaving between the machineries of the arcade, or kids accidentally knocking people’s legs during their endeavor to get on the little rides, it doesn’t take long for haein to find him. he’s so predictable; silently leaning against the wall beside the photo booth. 

..seven, eight, nine.

it takes the anxious man seven flashes of his lockscreen, eight deep breaths, and nine flicks across the space before his gaze finally catches her. knowing him too well, haein can see the specks of relief that shimmer upon his cocoa-tinted irises. was he truly so worried that she wouldn’t show up like he desperately expected?

funny.

“you came..” the words barely squeeze past bang chan’s lips. his impulsive thoughts kick in; strongly tempting him to hug her. “you’re here-”

“-to officially put an end to this.”

haein can’t remember the last time she let her professional persona bleed into her personal life. clearly, neither does the male idol, for the hope in his face is ruthlessly erased. he can strain his muscles as much as he wants—the corners of his lips won’t reach his dimples. 

just this once, she’ll let him grasp her arm and lead her to the vacant space between the photo booth and row of motorcycle racer stimulators. while she wants to nip the bud and return home already, the last thing anyone needs is a scandal.

“no, haein- please..” he begins to plead again. “i know you understand me when i say that i was trying to protect everyone.”

hitting back with a scoff, the noirette retorts, “you call concealing the truth from inka—someone who looked up to you, trusted you—protecting her? spare me the bullshit, chan. you had so many chances to be honest with her. and yet, even when you got caught, you still spun the narrative on her; ‘made her feel like she was too young to face it.”

and there his hand goes—fixing the edges of his beanie despite it not being a distraction in the first place. haein has experienced enough fights with him to spot the tell-tale signs: a shadow covers the warm gleam in his eyes, his attention is abruptly averted to things surrounding him, and he bites his tongue to refrain from saying something he will regret-

“why are you even on her side? i’m your boyfriend, aren’t i? you should be assuring me that i did what was best for the group.”

(oh? oh, sounds like the eve of new year is already trickling into.. certain people’s personas.)

“no chan, you’re a hypocrite.” haein states without hesitation. “look at us, we began dating even though you still have that dating ban in place. what makes us different from inka’s situation, huh?”

stunned, the once candid male doesn’t have any words to spill. but his girlfriend still has plenty.

“i may not know inka as well as gyuri does, but what i do know is that you didn’t have the right to meddle with her personal affairs. you kept acting like she’s this fragile doll that in the end, you were the one who shattered her into fine fragments.” 

her sharp words cut so deep, the strings of frustration that tried to move bang chan are cut seamlessly. no longer is his common sense eclipsed by undeserved self-assurances, yet everyone knows the importance of timing. 

so haein forces him to reap the consequences by watching her walk away—from him, his recklessness, and their previously sturdy relationship. 

sure, she’ll listen to him call her name, sprinkle some ‘don't go’ too. she’ll feel the hurt he blends with desperation while trying to get her back. and she’ll look back once to notice the tremors in his hands as he tries to reach out for her.

but the young woman had just finished dressing the cuts littered across her skin. they’re not very pretty.. then again, witnessing the man you love shatter the foundation of your story so easily isn’t either. still, if he ever gathers the audacity to ask her again, she’d let him know her preference.

she wants to draw stars around her scars, not layer them some more.

FANBASE  :  @stealanity @lost-leopard-beanie @fairiepoems & send an ask or dm if you'd like to be added !

[whore4jasontodd]

Joseph Morgan smut

I never really see any Joseph Morgan smut so why not make some ~btw I’m not the best at this so bare with me

*third person pov*

Y/n and Joseph have been a little distant lately where he still has to finish filming the originals

It hasn’t really been the best for y/n her instagram comments are full of fat jokes

Why? Bcuz everyone is jealous of her relationship with Joseph everyone was still stuck on the one ship in the vampire diaries klaroline

Did it hurt her a little? Yes ofc she loves Joseph with everything in her

*y/ns pov*

Im laying in bed like usual waiting for Joseph to get back from filming it’s currently 10:00 am I decent to go on instagram knowing it’s not the best decision ex specially with all of the hate knowing I’m going to start getting insecure again and oh boy was I right

Hundreds of comments calling me fat,ugly, people saying Joseph deserves better, or that I’m to young for him I am 25 yes that’s a 16 year age gap but if he doesn’t have a problem with it should It really matter

Everyone truly believes I’m just after him bcuz he’s famous no he came to me at a time when I needed someone and I fell inlove with him

As I finish reading the comments I feel tears feel up my eyes i figured it’s better if I turned off my phone and layed down so that’s what I did and soon dosed off

It was around 11:00 when I heard the door open I knew he was home but tried to fall back to sleep but after a few minutes I feel the other side of the bed dip and arms wrap around me

Y/n luv are you awake? I hear his soft British accent echo in my ears I soon feel his hand slowly come to my face rubbing my dried tears

“Luv I know your awake I can tell when your faking you know” he says in a soft tone

I slowly open my eyes to see Joseph already looking at me

“Why have you been crying sweetheart”he says sounding concerned

Just stuff but I’m glad your home” I sigh cuddling into his arms

It’s the comments again isn’t it? I didn’t answer him but I knew he could feel me nod into his chest

“My sweet girl don’t listen to then your nothing of those thing they say , you are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, you are the one I love” his voice spoke soft and sounded so innocent

“Joseph?”

“Yes my luv”

“Do you think I’m too young for you or not good enough?” I spoke quietly

“Of course not I wouldn’t be here right now if I truly believed what any of them said” his words followed a kiss connecting to my forehead

“And if you don’t believe my words then let ne show you princess” his lips soon connected to my lips

Our tongues slide together his hands going to the side of my face pulling me closer

He soon pulls me over onto his lap

His hands go down to my hips gripping them pushing me down on his lap

I can feel him poking me through his sweats as his hands much there way up my shirt taking it off and unclipping my bra

After he gets my top half fully undressed he flips us over so he’s hovering over me

“Ahh what a beautiful site” he says but doesn’t sound very innocent anymore

His mouth connects to my breast, his tongue swirling around my nipple

I could feel his hands going down to my pants slowly sliding them down and off my ankle leaving me in nothing but my thong

“I think these will have to go luv” he spoke hooking his fingers around them taking them off like he did with my pants

As he hovers over me his eyes scan my body I soon start remembering all of the comments making me feel like I’m fat I put my over my stomach but he jerks up back up above my head

“Ahh what do you think your doing sweetheart?”

“Uh-nothing” I spoke out shyly

“That’s what I thought now be a good girl and keep your hands up there tonight is about you” his lips connect to my neck making there way down farther and farther until they make it to where I need him most

He slowly spreads my legs placing his lips on mine ;)

“ I can’t believe this is all mine” he started off with sticking one digit in but it soon turns into two

At this point I’m a moaning mess his mouth lapping me at clit like its his last meal and his fingers pumping in and out of me I feel my stomach tighten I know I’m close

“So tight and wet for me are you close yet my luv”

I couldn’t even get out an yes without screaming as I came around his fingers

As I’m a panting mess he makes me look him in the eyes as he kisses me lining his self up with me he asks

“Is this okay sweetheart”

“ god yes please I need you” I didn’t have to say that twice before he started pounding in and out of me

I throw my head back my back arching digging my nails into his back and every thrust made me moan louder and louder as I got closer

“Fuck luv so tight who’s pussy is this”

I couldn’t anwser the pleasure slowly took over my body

“I said who’s pussy is this” he grunts out

“All yours it’s all yours daddy” I scream out

“Good girl”

That was enough for me I came all over his cock

He falls down in the bed beside me

“God that was amazing”

“Fuck yeah” I saw cuddling into his chest

As I close my eyes I realize I haven’t took my birth control and he didnt pull out

“Omg Joseph”

“What’s wrong?” He jumps up worried

“You didnt pull out”

“Aren’t you off birth control”

“No Joseph we talked about it I thought we both agreed I was gonna stop taking it for a while”

“So you could get pregnant?” He asks as he starts to smile

“Yeah” I sigh

“ you don’t want to have a kid?”

“Ofc I want to have a kids but what if you don’t and you leave?” I spoke quietly

“I want to start a family with you more the anything princess” he says raising up kissing me

[kannymaei]

The Perfect Girl - Chapter 14 (Kamisato Ayato x Reader)

MASTERLIST

Author’s Note: All characters are OOC! Please be reminded that this fanfic is Modern! AU and Highschool! AU and none of this are canons to the actual lore of Genshin Impact. I do not own Genshin Impact or the characters in the game!

Synopsis: You were a graduating high school student who somehow got involved in unfortunate events and transferred to Teyvat International School. Due to your “complicated” physical features, you became the main target of the school’s “bully”, Kamisato Ayato! Together with his friends, Diluc Ragnvindr, Tartaglia, and Arataki Itto.

WC: 2.8k

Next Chapter -> Chapter 15

‘What happened to Guuji Yae?’

‘I heard from someone that she got caught by Lord Ayato sleeping with his sister’s boyfriend’

‘She’s so shameless!’

‘I also heard Diluc confessed to Y/N!”

‘No way! He did?!’

‘What did he see with Y/N…’

‘I think Diluc was better off with Jean…’

‘Didn’t Jean break his trust after that scandal three years ago?’ 

‘Oh yeah, I remember it was like Lumine had a crush on Diluc but Diluc’s actions were misinterpreted because it was like he also felt the same with Lumine but in reality he truly loved Jean that time but Jean was seeing someone else in another school which broke Diluc’s heart.’

‘I think he stopped liking someone until Y/N came to this school.’

‘I heard a lot of rumors about her! Her name was so familiar… I just can't pinpoint where…'

'What kind of rumors?' 

'Do you remember that car accident that was all over the news a loooong time ago? Like it's more than 10 years already?'

'What does that have to do with Y/N?' 

'Well…' 

"I do think that you should not spread rumors about anyone." The mysterious man walked up to the two students that were talking. He could tell from their faces that these two students didn't know who he was. 

'Are you from this school? I don't think I've seen someone like you…' 

'He's… handsome…' 

He gave them a death stare that jolted the two students to walk away. He looked at his watch and calculated the time since he last saw you. 

(30 minutes since I've seen my lovely Y/N) 

He knew that his transfer during this time of the season was perfect, he could seize the opportunity to have you as his date for the holiday celebration of the school every December. 

— 

You fidgeted your fingers around the table as your teacher, Mr. Zhongli, was quite late for his class today. Your thoughts shifted to the man that saved you from your ankle injury, he was quite handsome and assumed that he would be popular with the girls. But of course, you knew that no one would be more handsome than Kamisato Ayato. 

(Wait, why am I thinking about him?!) You shook your head and mentally facepalm.

You wondered how the seat next to you was empty for a long time since that incident. You've been asking yourself, is he alright after that incident? 

To be frank, you knew that Miko deserved all of it since she stole your life or ruined yours rather but you also knew that she was also being brainwashed by her parents. 

Brainwashed or not, she was already old to know what's right and wrong and the things that she did to hurt you the moment you transferred to this school was no excuse. 

The door opened and the class went silent, you saw Mr. Zhongli enters the classroom followed by the mysterious man that saved you from your ankle injury. 

"Pardon me class, if I was late since we just finished the papers for the new transferee this year. Would you introduce yourself to everyone?" Zhongli said while he fixed the things he would need for today's class. 

"Sure." The man responded. 

"Al Haitham." He said and nodded to everyone, almost half of the women in your class were giggling and whispering.

"I suppose you should go sit on Mr. Kamisato's seat since he's been homeschooling for quite some time." Zhongli stated and pointed at the empty seat next to you.

'Dang it Y/N, why do you always get the handsome guys?!' 

(Well… sorry?) You said to yourself as he approached the seat. 

He sat and said something to you "Hello, Miss Who-Almost-Got-A-Sprain" and hid his smile. 

"Quite a coincidence that you are my classmate… haha…" You nervously replied, his eyes said it all. He's intimidating and looks like a lion who's about to eat his prey.

"Miss Y/N, would you show our new student around the campus after class?" Zhongli asked but you knew that you cannot reject his offer, you could tell from Al Haitham's aura that he only wanted YOU to be accompanying him . 

"Y-yes sir…" You softly replied and looked at the window while Al Haitham sat on his seat placing his shoulder bag on the floor. 

"Is Miss L/N scared of me? Am I too intimidating?" He placed his hand on his chin and looked at you. 

You didn't look back because you knew that your eyes would meet so you replied nonchalantly. 

"I am scared, so what?" You said in your defense.

"Well… that's a problem." Al Haitham said and thought of how his plans with you aren't going to go well if you were already scared of him.

(Why's this guy hitting up on Y/N?! He doesn't look like the person to be a womanizer or flirt with women every now and then?) Diluc stared at him when Al Haitham met his eyes and smirked. 

— 

"Well… this is the stairs where you saved me from my sprain…" You said. 

"Miss Y/N, I heard from Mr. Zhongli said earlier that there would be an annual holiday event at school coming really soon… I suppose I should ask you if you can come with me since I really don't have any friends." Al Haitham innocently asked you with you not fully being aware that he was taking his chances to take you out on a date. 

"Hmm… I suppose I'm also free on that day. In Fact, I don't have a partner or buddy… Childe goes with Lumine and Itto goes with Sara while Diluc would accompany Ayaka because Ayato has ordered him to protect his sister while he wasn't around." You asked yourself why didn't you get paired up with someone, maybe your classmates were afraid of you after all of the things that happened but it's very unlikely since you're friends with Albedo, Xiao, and Kazuha but it's not on the same level as you have with Diluc and the others. 

—

"I'd like to surprise Lady L/N on the annual celebration of the school, kindly prepare these things for me Thoma. It's a surprise gift for a surprise date." Ayato handed an A4 paper to Thoma, a paper that consisted of the gifts that he wanted to give you because it's the first time he'd be asking you out. 

— 

"Sure! I'll accompany you on the annual celebration of the school!" You smiled and agreed on Al Haitham's proposal. 

"Ah, thank you Miss L/N." He nodded and continued to follow you around the campus. 

…

…

…

"I should probably introduce you to my friends!" You said to Al Haitham but he held your hand.

"That is not necessary Miss L/N, you alone, is already enough for me." Al Haitham held your hand and looked directly into your eyes.

You feel your blood rushing to your cheeks, what else could he mean that you're already enough?

(Stupid Y/N, of course as a friend there's no way someone handsome than him would like you immediately…) 

“You look like a tomato, I could eat you up right now.” Al Haitham blushed as soon as he realized what he meant on the last line he said.

“And you look stupid!” You said in your defense.

The two of you shared a laugh when a certain person you knew took a picture of you and Al Haitham and sent it to Kamisato Ayato.

—

Kamisato Ayato is in the study room reading love stories where the female lead and male lead were separated in the beginning but was given the chance to rewrite their love story for the one last time when the male lead almost died in an unfortunate accident. He remembers the first time you entered his house for the painting project you did and how Shouta kept on shipping the two of you, he truly regrets that he did everything to stop Shouta. That is when his phone rang a notification from Itto in their group chat.

Itto: *Image attached (You and Al Haitham sharing a laugh together with Al Haitham blushing).*

Itto: Uh-oh, someone’s going to get pissed off here.

Childe: ITTO WHAT THE HELL?

Diluc: Where the hell are you, Itto? We have classes in 2 minutes.

Itto: Yeah but shouldn’t you ask Y/N the same thing?

Diluc: The only difference between the two of you is that she’s excused to accompany the new student and you aren’t.

Itto: Okay but what’s Ayato’s take on this?

Ayato: That person is quite familiar.

Ayato cleared his throat and irritatingly closed the book and examined the image Itto sent intensely.

Diluc: I kind of… thought the new student was hitting up on Y/N, apparently, I heard from our classmates-

Ayato: Who?

Diluc: Well… from Layla and Ganyu, This man and Y/N already met prior even before Mr. Morax introduced him to us.

Ayato: What’s the name of this person?

Childe: Al Haitham!

Ayato’s eyes widened, he remembered when he went through in the guest list book during the celebration he had 3 months ago, the name of that man was written there. 

(His family was one of our potential investors in the upcoming project for the city…) Ayato knew why Al Haitham was at the party. He wasn’t worried if he found out about the scandal Guuji Yae and Aether had done, he was worried that he was targeting you.

Ayato: Childe, Diluc, Itto, do me a favor and check the background of this Al Haitham. Meet me here in our residence after class.

Itto, Childe, Diluc: Ok, class is about to start now. We’ll get back to you after a few hours.

—

Guuji Yae’s family has plotted the death of Kamisato Ayato and Y/N L/N in the form of an accident.

When the heir and heiress had amnesia, Ayato was entangled with Guuji Yae and Y/N was entangled with Al Haitham.

Al Haitham was the only son and heir of his family. 

Ilia was a very beautiful woman where she caught the eyes and attention of the two most prestigious and handsome men of their highschool. It was no other than the father of Al Haitham and the father of Kamisato Ayato. Yet, Ilia had married off someone that she met in college, she didn't want to have an even higher profile let alone being acquainted with the two famous and most respected families in the city. 

Al Haitham has stayed in the L/N house for a year to accompany your loneliness. But no matter how hard he tried, there was no light in your eyes at all. The two of you hardly spoke to each other. You felt like an empty shell, to an extent that you don't remember Al Haitham at all.

But he didn't give up, he still tried to create a bond with you even if he always failed at each time. 

And before he left your residency, he made sure that one day, the two of you would cross paths again and when that happens, he would surely make you fall in love with him 

Al Haitham's background isn't suspicious at all but one thing is for sure, and Ayato knew that Y/N holds a very special place in his heart. And he knew damn well that he shouldn't let his guard down around this man.

— 

"So should we just beat up this guy?" It was suggested while slouching on the couch in the living room of the Kamisato residence. 

"Itto!" Ayaka slapped his hand. 

"I know texting isn't enough, we decided to pay you a visit here Ayato, just like you said earlier." Childe said, fidgeting his hands around the table while giving a sigh. 

"We haven't seen you in a while… how are you feeling after that incident?" Diluc said while his eyes wandered around the room, it looks like nothing has changed here compared to the days that everyone gathered here to visit you in the hospital. 

"I'm glad it happened, I'm no longer blind with the lies of that wench." Ayato annoyingly replied thinking how Miko was a nasty fox. 

"What about Y/N, where is she?" Ayato asked. 

"Why do you ask? Do you like her?" Diluc said nonchalantly.

"N-no I don't! I'm only curious about the new student— why is he around Y/N? He could have befriended someone that's b-better than her!" Ayato frantically said, he remembered that no one knew except Ayaka that he has grown a liking towards you for a while.

"Hmp." Diluc said. 

"Oh well, that's about Al Haitham, I can't dig deeper information about his family. We only got surface knowledge. We need to do and prepare something more than this to find out more about him." 

—

"Have we met before?" You asked Al Haitham while swinging your feet on the bench admiring the sunset in the park. 

"No… we haven't." Al Haitham lied, maybe it's best if he doesn't reveal that he knew you.

He looked at you and you looked at him. His eyes were very beautiful. He cupped your cheeks and spared no time to just stare at you, the sky was beautiful but you were more beautiful than any sunset.

"Y/N, I am quite infatuated with you. I know we just met today, I understand if it's too much. But something tells me—" Al Haitham said but you cut him off. 

"Yes, you are infatuated with me. I do think you're taking things way too far than they should." You don't know what you were saying but your heart has been telling you that there's already someone who got your heart. You don't know just yet that you were, in fact, in denial about it. 

"It's getting too late, shall I give you a ride back home?" Al Haitham said averting the topic. 

"Yes, thank you for understanding." You said and stood up. 

…

…

…

"Holy shit is that Y/N?!" Childe placed his face on the window seeing you with Al Haitham, it looked like he was about to give you a drive home.

"Oh it's just Al Haitham giving her a ride home." Ayaka said, analyzing what she was seeing. 

"Let's follow them." Diluc suggested and smirked, he knew fully well that Ayato wouldn't let anyone get near you and he suggested that they should follow him to see where Al Haitham would be taking you. 

"Brother, if you don't want Y/N to go to a stranger's car, why not stop the car in front of her and you give her the ride home?" Ayaka added. 

"With all of you here?— I mean, I don't wanna see her yet." Ayato coughed and continued to drive, Ayaka just shook her head. 

She thought how Ayato was very obvious with his likings towards you but is 101% in denial about it. 

Ayato was completely dazed about your smile, it was frustrating how he wasn't the reason for that smile. He wondered what Al Haitham said to you that made you smile. 

…

…

…

"We're being followed." Al Haitham said and you looked at the side mirror. 

"Isn't that… Childe's car?" You become familiar with everyone's car, it's quite often how everyone always brings there's at school to the point that you think that you don't need to bring yours. 

Al Haitham quickly deduced that Ayato might have ordered Childe to search for you. Well, he doesn't have any ill intent towards you and brought you home. It would be funny if those following you successfully wasted their time.

"Very annoying." Ayato coldly said while watching Al Haitham assist you in your house. Everyone inside the car tried their hardest to hold their laugh. 

When Al Haitham left, you looked back at the driver's seat, even if you can't see clearly who was driving. Ayato knew that you two shared a glance. 

"Dinner is on me?" Childe said. 

"Finally, you said something good, Childe." Diluc jokingly replied.

—

The night went faster and Ayato found himself staring at the ceiling of his bedroom. He hates Al Haitham being close to you, in fact he can't sleep thinking about it. 

When his thoughts averted back to you, he decided to stalk your social media accounts and came across a certain picture that you took last summer. 

It was you wearing a swimsuit, this was the first time Ayato was stunned by your body. 

His blood rushed not towards his cheeks but somewhere else near his abdomen, he can't take off his eyes on your chest. 

Ayato knew it was wrong but would it hurt if he decided to give himself some pleasure after all of the pain and stress that he has been through? His manhood was bulging really hard and it felt like it was asking him to release him from the knot. 

After all, he is alone in his bedroom and no one would know about it. He held his manhood and continued what he was supposed to do. 

In the end… Kamisato Ayato realized that he was in love with you and he wouldn't let Al Haitham take you from him. 

[lovesosweeet]

better left unsaid // cth

chapter thirty seven

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

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november 10, 2018 san diego, california orion

Since finding out there’s no hope… I’ve had no hope. Everyone else has had to come to terms with my defeat. They all had shit to say to me, trying to convince me to at least read about the trials that Dr. Gupta suggested, but I didn’t want to. 

I don’t want to keep being poked and prodded and nauseous and aching constantly. I’d rather just be somewhat miserable at home as I inevitably wither away. I want to sleep in my own bed and stay out of the bleach scented hospital I’d spend more time in if I did a trial.

Everyone is trying to cheer me up. Macy and Emelia take turns coming down and staying with me during the day while my moms are at work. I tell them they don’t need to, but everyone insists I have someone with me all the time just in case something goes wrong. I feel bad because they have to drive at least two hours each way every time they come. Macy isn’t in school right now so she doesn’t really need to be in LA for anything, so she stays two days at a time, but Emelia is finishing out her semester and has a full load of classes.

They all say they’re just happy to spend time with me, which may be true, but I hate how much I’m ruining everyone’s lives. Emelia is even planning on spending her whole Thanksgiving break with me, rather than with her family in Seattle, and I feel horrible that her family won’t get to spend Thanksgiving with her.

Today is Macy’s day. We’ve been spending the days that she’s here watching the entirety of Gilmore Girls. We’re somehow still only on the third season. The episode we’re on is featuring Rory on a walk through a park that’s covered in orange and red fall foliage, which I’ve really not experienced much of in my life given where I live. 

“Cal and I always talked about going to New England in the fall sometime.”

Macy’s head snaps toward me. She looks shocked.

“What?” I ask.

“You haven’t talked about him, like, at all, since you broke up.”

“Yes I have!”

“You’ve tried to justify breaking up with him several times, but you haven’t said anything about him, really. Y’know?” 

“I have talked about him!” I’ve thought about him every hour of every day and have creeped on him via his fans on Twitter every single day and constantly check his Instagram to see if he’s posted anything. He’s still at the center of my life. 

“Orion, I spend so much time with you and have seen you stalking him on Twitter, but you have not truly said a word about him.” 

My cheeks flush as she mentions my Twitter activity.

“You’re allowed to miss him, you know.”

I look down at my hands, fiddling with the rings I’m wearing. I already feel my eyes watering. “I miss him so much, Mace.” 

Macy places a hand on my arm and squeezes it. “I’m 100% certain if you called him, he’d pick up.” 

I shake my head, feeling a few tears start to fall. “I can’t call him.”

She sighs. “You miss him. He misses you.”

“No, Macy, I can’t call him. I can’t.” 

“O, they’re on the Europe leg. You could go back to where it all started.” 

I shake my head again. “I’m terrified of having to see his face fall as I die. It’s going to hurt so bad.”

Macy hugs me then, wrapping her arms around me, but my hands stay on my lap, still twisting my rings around. “He wants to love you, Orion, he won’t see it as watching you die.” 

“I can’t do it. I can’t let him watch,” I say as I stand up. “I’m gonna go take a nap. I’m feeling kinda shitty today.”

I walk upstairs to my bedroom and collapse on the bed, sobs shaking my whole body. 

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[aclosetfan]

HIIII, I know it's completely random to come and ask about this, but curiosity was already killing me! I really wanted to know your favorite fanfics/users about our community of 5 rises from the shadows every 1 fanart posted per year 🤩 (Laughing at the misery)

But anyway, I'm just asking because you'll always be my favorite even after years, for me no one will ever be able to understand and write the characters exactly the way I imagine you do, and I wanted to know a little more about your point of view on PPG fanfics/creators. (Please never stop even with random headcanons during the week because I need them to make my month happier and survive in this fandom 😭)

The main question is right in the first part, but I just wanted to be able to express a little bit how much I love your profile, even though I'm not very good with words... Thanks for reading this far! ♡ (Sorry if I got some words wrong, English is not my first language and it doesn't even make the top 3. This is my first question on this app, i'm hoping to make a comeback, so please ignore the mistakes for I can sleep peacefully tonight 😀 God I'm addicted to emojis)

Thank you so much! <3 This is so sweet! Really, it means a lot that you like my characterizations so much. It took a lot of practice :) Please don’t apologize for anything!! gosh, this is such a hard ask because there are literally only five people, like you said 😂😂 I feel like I’ve been out of the game for a bit, so if there’s been any new exciting fan stuff, I haven’t seen it.

When it comes to favorite users, I’ve made a lot of friends over the years. A lot of those people have deactivated or moved on after CW announced their show, so, for simplicity, I’m not going to name anyone because I’d feel bad leaving someone out. But truly, I’ve liked everyone I’ve had the opportunity to talk and bond over the show with. The little corner I’ve hung out with is a good group, and it’s nice to still see old faces pop up every once in a while. If anything, I haven't deleted or let go of this blog because I don’t want all the fun posts we’ve made to go too. I like them being somewhere, and it’s still important to me.

With respect to fics I’ll give you three! Whenever I’m asked this, I always link The Notion of Loss by Gold Scribbles (completed). It’s one of my faves. It’s dark. There’s major character death, and it’s not cutesy (which is what I prefer), but I loved loved loved the characterizations.

My next fave fic is no longer available 😭 (or at the very least, I can no longer find it). The premise involves the rrb coming back. Their goal was to kill the girls. They jumped Bubbles to get their attention and attacked her to the point of disfigurement. Of course, Buttercup and Blossom are out for blood via enhanced antidote-X. They end up capturing Boomer as bait (call back to the og show), and are able to fight Brick and Butch. Buttercup kills but not without Butch doing the classic “See, you’re as bad as me! Haha!” which she ends up internalizing in the post-time skip. Blossom ends up killing Brick but at the sacrifice of her own life, which is the only way to stop him, and the scene where she comes to peace with things is heart-wrenching. The epilogue shows Buttercup lamenting over Butch’s last words and honoring her sister by finishing her work. Bubbles, with scarring that never healed, visits Boomer in jail, who she sees every week to spend time with him. She’s kind and polite because she believes he can be better, and it drives him crazy. AND I LOVVVVEEED IT. But it’s gone now. And it hurts.

My third rec is Pencils Tell a Little Too Much by Iminaloine (completed). It's a Butch-centric fic that explores how he's able to channel his anger and more intense emotions through art, which is 10/10!!

And because one of my fic recs doesn't have a link, here's 2 extra! everybody screams at the end of the world by fuckin-rodent (incomplete). While it's incomplete, it sets up a post-apocalyptic story like no other. I also really like heartsickness by the same author, which is a greens story.

Finally, while I don’t want to stop making stuff for you, I’ve obviously slowed down :(( The blog's still on hiatus; I'm sorry! I finished school and have recently started a new job. I don't know when I'll have time to more consistently update, which I know I've been saying for years now, but that's just growing up sometimes :/ And because I've been so busy, I'm feeling pretty uninspired about things. I haven't written anything new in months for any of my own writing projects or fandoms.

I do have another fan blog for my general fan interests that I sometimes write on (justanotherfanwriter). I can't guarantee you'll find something you like, but I'm more active on there solely because that's where I reblog a larger variety of fan content and sometimes write one-shots for other fandoms. But when it comes to the fics, again, I haven't been very inspired, so there isn't much there. It's pretty devoid of my own content, actually. So, I don't have many friends through that blog!

I also have a side blog for my own writing projects, but that has a dismal, like, 10 posts on it because I've got nothing up in my brain rn. Also, it's harder to write when you have no friends to brainstorm with! I def need more friends who'd talk about personal projects with me, not just fanfics!! If anyone has made it this far down the post, let me know if this is something you'd be interested in (just for shits and giggles at this point nothing serious)

[a-spell-a-rebel-yell]

September

hellooo, on-time this time! hehe i hope everyone is happy and healthy 💙

the end of September marks one month of school and my assignments are finally slowing down (re: there will be more it's just i've finished them for the moment so i can have some relax time). so, i finally got wind of the learning system here, it's student centered learning where we have to write a paper for every subject and do a presentation for every class, the profs are only there to correct us or complete what we left out. sounds exhausting (because it is!) but i think with this method we're 'forced' to gather as much information as possible because in order to do well we need enough knowledge on the topic. not to mention we're also graded from how active/responsive we are during classes. result is most of my 'free time' is spent reading 🙃 not entirely complaining because the major difference from first degree vs post grad school is now everything's more focused on the discipline i'm interested in hehe

most of my class is held online (god bless) and i'm, yet again, the one in charge of our class' Zoom account (which we buy ourselves instead of provided by the campus). i only go to the SaIemba campus once a week for weekly wire bending class. yes, ladies and gentlemen, wire bending is now taking over my bank account and i mean it literally because the pliers i have to buy cost me a loooooooot of money 🙃 i think this month i really exhausted my savings... the only relief provided for me is that for orthodontists we usually only buy these pliers once to be used for years, that's why it's important to buy high quality ones. kinda glad i bought my Coldplay Singapore tickets before this huhu

an update on my medical check-up, i finally got to see the internist and yep he said i have very high metabolism rate (everything i eat gets converted quickly into energy, not fat/body mass and i need to eat more carbs, but sadly i'm more of a beef veggies fruits person sigh) and that for my slightly anemic blood report i need to consume more blood replenishing food/supplements... these days i swear i’ve been eating more than i did years ago but i simply can't gain weight (still ranging around 41-43 kgs and never higher 🤡)

this September the class celebrated two of our members' birthdays! (again, i'm in charge of reminding everyone of someone's bday 😂) for the first one, kak Mandy's, i kinda made a cruel prank i really regret lol with everyone's help i tricked her we have impromptu on the spot zoom with our professor that required us to show our wire bending progress... she believed me and actually stayed up late to finish her work 😭 i swear i got her to stop and go back to sleep at 10 PM 🥺🥺🥺 but the surprise worked and she was actually surprised (& genuinely happy, i checked on her right after haha) to find us singing the hbd song as she entered the meeting room and sent her a lovely cake for her. the second one, kak Putri's, and this one we can no longer use the Zoom tactic again so we pushed back the surprise to our next wire bending class at uni, bought her pizza and coffee (her favs) and i think the best part is: after i checked in on her, she said she's touched by our efforts as she's never really experienced having people do this much for her. that answer stunned me in a way i get reminded again how being remembered is such a privilege, a rare thing, one's life goal? it's one of the best ways to leave no room for doubt that someone truly cares and loves you? seems like a simple gesture but woah. the impact it left? i think i've never felt more happier being able to remember people's bdays/preferences/likings, seeing how happy i can make someone feel? that's what i strive to do even more now 💪🏻

anyway, did i tell you already i'm the youngest in our class? and the oldest is literally 10 (ten) years older than me? so naturally... i'm also in charge of everything technical: starting from running our class' instagram account and teaching everyone efficient ways to use Google Docs and Slides to finish our assignments 😂👍🏻 i love getting treated like everyone’s little sister and calling everyone kakak/abang 🤣 yet somehow i love being the one people are (mostly) depending on? i like having responsibilities and being able to provide help i guess? 😂 and guess what: i actually also become the class' official editor. yep. one of the assignments given from the dean is to write this mini book (yes, book. not a paper) and she appointed me to be the editor! it's a rigorous task i need to be super diligent and attentive while proofreading and correcting the formatting, but yeah i enjoyed it. my editing hobby has leveled up to a semi official thing haha

last week of September my dad's coworkers held farewell parties (yes plural) for my dad as his last day of work in the entirety of 40+ years of career has finally come... it was an emotional night, almost everyone volunteered to give a lil speech for my dad and said how they've lost and will miss my dad dearly, even some of his lab assistants cried. because my dad was stationed on duty at St Regis hotel naturally i was tagging along, and my dad's subordinates arranged me to be the special guest and yeah. i got teary eyed too because i got to witness yet again how loved my dad is. anyways, i highkey will miss the 'side privileges' i'm so used to get for being a child of a Bank lndonesia employee HEHEHE i mean free staycation at five star hotels almost every week? health insurance (which stopped as i turn 25 huhu) and many many many others. oh well. now it's my time taking care of my mum and dad then, my dream to provide the same or even better treatments than what i received 🥺

with my dad entering retirement, now aside from school i’m swamped with packing and boxing. we’re slowly moving things back to the Cibubur house while i prepare some of my stuffs to carry to my cousin’s house. not gonna lie feeling quite sad because the benefits of having a house in the center of South Jakarta scene are endless! 😂 almost everything is within fingertips’ reach and i’m used to living in that part of the city that never sleeps. Cibubur’s pretty quiet and Bendi (my cousin’s house region) though just a few districts away from Blok M isn’t really the life of the party. i will miss Panglima Polim and everything surrounding it 🥹

last note: these days i'm feeling like life is really that unexpected? so many things i didn't even dream ever happening are thrusted onto my hands right now as we speak and they turn out to be all i've ever wanted? i think i've perfected the formula of doing good + be good + trust the timing. a simple example would be me getting back to school (you can tell i’m not done feeling super happy after getting accepted 😂) excited for more to come, major changes or challenges are welcome: bring it on! i'm ready and up for all kinds of surprises hehe

that's it for September! two months and i'll be 26... 9 months fly away just like that huh 😅 a reminder for me and everyone reading this to enjoy time as it goes, make every second count and special. see you next month!

[alphinias]

I watched TSITP in one sitting and immediately devoured the first book (about to start the second one).

I can totally see now why people were saying the show was even better than the book which took me by surprise 'cause that's a bold statement I had never heard in my life before.

They fixed a lot of things in the series that were probably ok in 2009 when the books first came out but wouldn't stand a chance today, especially if the target audience is young women in 2022.

13 years isn't THAT much but sure things have moved and progressed fast in the last decade, so many nuances of the story would have been slaughtered if they sticked to the book step by step. I'm glad they smoothed Conrad's character and watered down some of the possessive ways he acted and same for Belly being 10 times more "I act for myself first" and less obsessed over him. Watching the show I'm 100% team Conrad but I'm not gonna lie a lot of moments reading the book I was like "mmmmh boy, no" (for example when he kept grabbing her by the arm at the bonfire dragging her away from Cam or how forbidding some of his statements sounded) and they sure fixed it in the script, show Conrad is definitely jealous but not possessive. Same thing goes for a lot of the female characters like Taylor and Nicole, in the books it's almost like Belly projects her insecurities despising other girls, none of her relationships with other girls her age seemed to matter or to be real and I'm glad in the show they actually said "no, this isn't happening 'cause in real life girls don't go around catfighting 24\7. They maybe won't be the best of pals but they'll be cool and respectful with each other" which added A LOT to Belly as character. I love how they also toned down a little the bitterness between Jeremiah and Conrad, it is definitely there on screen but it isn't as snappish as in the book (like Jeremiah showing off is new body to Belly and Conrad calling him out at the dinner table).

Overall they tried to make everything a little more healthy and easy for the people following the story to like the characters and empathize with them, I feel like in the show you can easily struggle with "it's so hard to pick a side 'cause I love them all, they're all great" while with the books you can easily think "it's so hard to pick a side 'cause they're all messy" (not gonna lie borderline toxic, ALL of them). With the show you pick your favorite, with the book you pick who you despise less.

This makes me hopeful about the next seasons, I yet have to read the next two books but I roughly know what's gonna happen in the story since it's been impossible to avoid spoilers and I have this belief they won't go there with the marriage proposal, it's too much and it probably would divert the audience from the empathy towards both ships and they'll probably scratch that replacing it with another big deal but not as drastic (maybe moving in together) 'cause considering how much of a big deal the ball was in the show and her already having to choose between one of the two brothers but not at all in the book I have the feeling they kind of used it as symbolism for the wedding storyline (I picked Jeremiah, I'm there in the white dress with him but SYKE it's Conrad in the end always been him) and letting it happen now while they're all teen and it's not so serious, I don't know maybe that's just my wishful thinking but I can see them fixing this as well and making it more acceptable.

Never thought I'd be saying these words in my life but so far season 1 vs. book 1? The score is Book 0 - TV show 1.

Like I’ve said, it’s been years and years since I read the books, but yeah. Definitely thought a lot of it would have aged poorly from what I do remember. It’s definitely a product of its time.

Hats off to Jenny Han and everyone who worked on the show, truly. They improved all the areas that needed it and made the good things as good or even better.

I am also hopeful than they will translate some of what’s coming better after what they changed in S1.

[roxy206]

first listen

Goner

I was like why does this sound familiar then remembered that it was part of a Friday Gooped post. A bop tbh. And I think it’s a really good bridge between her other albums & this new release

Boyfriend

I wish you were my boyfriend & we could just sleep in

I wish you were my boyfriend so I could move closer, cuz if you were my boyfriend, put my head on your shoulder, when I look in your eyes I can see all the sky’s constellations in view

when the moment is right I’ll be there by your side

GOODBYE GOODBYE THAT IS ALL I CAN SAY RIGHT NOW GOODBYE

C’mon Loretta

Thank god I’ve already heard this song so many times I need a little break to try to PROCESS

Also a bop. So catchy … despite the subject matter

Love You In HiFi

Oh okay this is a shift. This is gonna be such a concert hit

you ready boots? start walkin’ — ohhh love a lyric reference!

Hello Hello

The order of Love You In HiFi to Hello Hello is so good though

I Want You To Want Me

I fucking love when Trixie does a cover. And I need to watch 10 Things I Hate About You immediately

Just … Trixie’s voice!?

New Thing

Please her having backup lyrics in French HER SINGING IN FRENCH

Kind of a favorite!

White Rabbit (feat. Michelle Branch)

First of all, I’m so happy for her having a song with Michelle 🥺

Why is this making me cry

I knew when you walked in you’d leave it where we started

you keep on teasing that you’re breathing just to please everyone

I have been emotionally devastated by this song cool cool cool

Stay The Night

Oh wait this is the Trixie Motel theme song right

Who Loves You Baby

from the way you looked at me, something’s begun; anyone from the outside looking in can tell you it’s over & done; tell me, who loves you baby

and we’re wasting time

Girl of Your Dreams

No this is so cute

so maybe you’ve been burned before, but baby will you ever know if you never go go go — LOTS TO UNPACK THERE DAMN

Wake Up

we’ve been here once before haven’t we babe; we turned to ash & crashed with the sea waves; my heart is never broken just broke in

tell me where you go when you sleep, what you see when you dream

Okay but the way this ties back to Boyfriend — is genius. And also the dream & burning tie in with Girl Of Your Dreams. She said themes

This Town (feat. Shakey Graves)

Truly one of my favorite Trixie songs 💕

Vacation

Once again, Trixie is the queen of covers. This is fucking gorgeous

[cityprix-moved]

i don’t know if you want to talk about it, but i just wanted you to know that i understand what you’re going through, and i know it’s not easy at all. i feel that my situation is slightly better because i’ve been able to have normal experiences from the age of 10 to the age of 14 (more or less), then it got worse because of my mom. she’s not particularly religious but she has strong political beliefs that make her see the world through her twisted, bigoted ideas: according to her it’s not normal to be gay (the lgbt community is only propaganda and the ones that say it’s normal are literally satan, like mom you haven’t been in a church in years what the fuck are you on), a man with polished nails reflects our world going crazy, the Big Bad Guys just want to control us, and so on. like yeah, she’s pretty much into conspiracy theories, and of course she thinks that i should think like her. i rarely leave the house without her and if i go out with my friends she just screams at me for ages, so i just stopped hanging out with them. they know and they listen to me when i need support, but deep inside i know that they don’t really understand. one day, like you said, i’ll probably run away, it’s the only option left (she even wants me to move to another country with her, leaving the place i was born in and that i love so much). and i do feel like i’m betraying her. i owe her so much, she’s my mom, she gave me life and she’s been raising me alone, but i’m no toy. i’m a person and every time i feel bad for thinking of leaving her behind i remember that i deserve a better life, a normal one (and naively i hope that one day she’ll understand, that she’ll be more mentally stable, that she’ll find true happiness, too). writing this took me ages (bc of my mom, lmao) but yeah, we’ll get through this 🫂

thanks so much for sharing this with me 🫂 its really hard isnt it. its hard for people who arent in this situation to really get it too, because the solution does seem so easy- why dont you just ignore them? why not just rebel? and maybe it really is that simple! but some days its just not worth the guilt trips, the accusations, the anger, the questioning, just to be your own person.

and yeah, i too want nothing more for my mom than for her to understand that her perspective of life is truly skewed. that her kids deserve to have a life separate from her demands, that SHE deserves a life beyond being at home and praying almost 24/7. its not going to happen though, and i have to accept that its either cut her off or live my life as her dog or toy, as you put it.

but even if i did that i dont think it will ever be enough. i have already given up so many things that everyone my age has experienced so that my mom doesnt get upset or angry or paranoid or anxious but its NEVER enough. and i think the same goes for your mom too. we are never going to be able to meet the demands of our irrational parents and make them happy. and if they are going to be unhappy either ways, maybe its better to free ourselves so at least we get the chance at happiness.

i hope we get through this too, anon ❤❤ your situation sounds really really difficult, i hope youre coping at least somewhat. i wish you all the best.

[thecommoncurator]

Top 10 2023

cuz I’m a nerd

10. Skinamarink

Ultralowbudget horror that really stuck w me. Architecture as horror.

Hallways that change size. Doors that disappear. Walls that inch closer. A disembodied voice coaxing you to horrific acts. Excited to see where Kyle Edward Ball goes from here!

9. The Holdovers

Newly minted winter holiday classic.

The core trio of Sessa, Giamatti, and Randolph kill it. Lots of faux 70s cinematic flair (complete w grainy mono audio) and a script that plays the familiar coming of age beats with enough cynical bite to keep it from falling into saccharine cliche, & a warmth for its characters that keeps it from falling into despairing melodrama. Just damn good all around!

8. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

What hasn’t already been said? Gorgeous animation, a fantastic ensemble of characters, and better action than any superhero movie I’ve seen in quite some time (kinetic, emotionally charged, and LEGIBLE!), w a soundtrack to match. this film takes so much care w its characters - Miles talking to his Mom/Dad, Gwen confronting her Father, Miguel bickering w peter, the downtime w everyone is just as compellingly crafted as the action. 💕

7. Anatomy of a Fall

Juicy French courtroom drama that is ostensibly about whether or not a renown novelist (a perfectly calculated Sandra Hüller) killed her husband, Justine Triet turns her camera’s gaze to a number of intriguing themes - the malleability of memory, the gender politics of the French court system, the existential dread of having the minutiae of one’s most private moments picked apart before a ravenous public’s eyes.

best dog performance in a film ever✨

6. Poor Things

Yorgos, my love, back with his gnarled, prickly sense of sadistic humor & a fully-activated Emma Stone (goddamn!) and THE Mark Ruffalo performance - what a fun prick he is here. The physicality of the absolutely bonkers sets and costuming, coupled with its maximalist approach to untangling the Born-Sexy-Yesterday trope by way of Frankenstein (or Frankenhooker, honestly), this film was an absolute riot and KILLED in a theater. A fascinating aesthetic leap for Lanthimos and a real treat.

5. All Of Us Strangers

A film that, like its protagonist (an achingly tender Andrew Scott) devastatingly grasps for the universal by drilling down into the specifics. Adam spends his time writing, channeling the dead, communing with the grief of his past, searching for an escape hatch from the isolating pits of depression and a lifetime of self-doubts, if only for a fleeting moment,which, once found in the form of a hot mess of a neighbor (a superb Paul Mescal), only reinforces that underlying dread w the all too relatable need to capture it in amber, like plucking a star from the sky and feeding its radiance with your tears, hoping that maybe this time…maybe this time it’ll stick.

Like so many great queer films, this will ruin your day 💕

4. Oppenheimer

Nolan finally cracked the code. I’m not sure how he managed to turn a 3 hour epic about the pettiness, vindictiveness, utter disregard for humanity that the movers and shakers of the U.S. imperialist machine have for us all into a blockbuster event…until I hit play again, and Göransson’s score starts up, and Cillian Murphy’s haunting eyes appear…and it all just, makes sense. A rare film that never lets up and doesn’t suffer for it. It doesn’t hurt that every actor under the sun shows up.

Robert Downey Jr. plays catty soooo well lol.

3. The Zone of Interest

There’s a long-running dialogue in film history revolving around the aesthetics of war films, and whether or not there can ever be a truly “Anti-War” film because, by virtue of being a film with purposeful framing/pacing/blocking, it aestheticizes it, rendering the message moot. I don’t know that Zone of Interest is an ‘Answer’ to that conversation, but it is the most compelling entry in the conversation i’ve yet to see. A horrific film with no violence shown. A building nightmare without catharsis. No aesthetic flourish. Just soul-numbing inhumanity.

What death cries are we tuning out as we go about our day?

2. Killers of the Flower Moon

Martin Scorsese, with rewrites and input from the Osage Nation, takes what was supposed to be a bog standard whodunnit about the founding of the FBI and turns it into a spiritual treatise on the rot at the heart of the American mythos. DiCaprio is at his slimiest here, a fantastic, thankless turn, De Niro is at his most diabolical, but Lily Gladstone steals the show with her radiant aura of a screen presence. This is a 3.5hr film w lots of talking, lots of loud moments, guns and bombs and screeching….but its most powerful moments come from stillness, silence. A glance from afar. The sound of rainfall. The pregnant silence of a confession left unspoken: complicity.

One of Scorsese’s best. 💕

1. Asteroid City

Asteroid City is the best film Wes Anderson has made, and feels almost like a confession, an introspective dive into the why’s of his aesthetic distance from his characters. A 50s television dramatization of a production of a fictional play, the levels of artifice that wrap around these characters keep revealing new facets of their souls to us, their grief, their joy, their quests for meaning.

It’s also got UFOs, atom bombs, laser guns, a fantastic Jason Schwartzman in hot-depressed-dad mode, and folksy musical numbers about aliens! It’s a ton of fun, and a damn fine picture, one that is wrapped in layers of cinematic thrills it slowly unravels to reveal a tender, heart-melting center.💕

[1434brie]

It was a hot ass summer, sweating all morning and looking like a bum, man this day couldn’t end fast enough. I walked into the studio definitely haven’t slept for two days but everybody kept talking about this girl I had to meet once I stepped into the office

Apparently everyone recently met her, she was new to the city just like me. I had put my bags down first and followed the homie up into his room that he stayed in at the studio.

Immediately my heart skipped as her light brown eyes connected with mine. “Aye this the photographer I was telling you about”, my hands drenching I leaned in for a huge hug nervous as hell I slight stuttered “nice to meet you”, she giggled and smile back at me “hey my name is Brie”.

The voice of an angel instantly I knew she was different, I felt it in my spirit when our bodies got closer; my heart just fucking melted in that second.

I couldn’t play her too close because I felt like she had eyes for him but I damn sure wanted to get a deeper connection with her I couldn’t just let this energy between us just slip away.

“We should definitely shoot sometime” I said with a smirk she was excited as she responded “oh for sure I would be down, I do makeup too”! Already in search for a muse she was the perfect subject for my creativity, she talked to me with out words and I felt that type of surge in a long time.

A couple days went by and the shoot was just a few hours away. I started to feel weak as the minutes, and seconds got closer. I was nervous just being around her again but in a good way, I walked into the studio and she was already there; not going to lie I was a little bit jealous at the assumption that she stayed with the homie that but I was always the type to keep it playa I was trying to built something different anyway, she just had this magnet that drove me closer to her in every way.

Finally done setting up our shoot I couldn’t help but to stare at her as she finished getting dress and putting on her make up. She was a Goddess, the most beautiful person I’ve every seen in my life. Natural hair, petite but shaped, a voice that could shatter your armor; her scent lingered as she walked past you i couldn’t help but to indulge in her aroma.

So shy but I seen her confidence, silly and just joyful I enjoyed her peace not knowing the pain that hid behind that smile. We shot different outfits and scenes that day but this picture is when I saw her, truly felt her as she looked into my lens.

My new muse, she was only a girl but I captured a woman in that moment. I see strength, I seen growth, I seen what a mother and wife could look like with out even been around her bout just a total of 10 hours but in this moment I knew, I felt it that I could love her.

She screamed the need to be

I wanna love her

The question was would she let me

And who was he to her

Because seeing behind close doors I knew he could never see what I see in Her

FOREVER!

[the-cat-chat]

July 29, 2023

Little Miss Sunshine (2006)

A family determined to get their young daughter into the finals of a beauty pageant take a cross-country trip in their VW bus.

JayBell: I really thought this was going to be a straightforward comedy, so I wasn’t expecting the more dramatic moments. But once I readjusted my perspective on what this movie was going to be, I was on board.

This movie showcases the epitome of dysfunctional family. They’re just so weird and messed up and crazy, but somehow they manage to remain likeable. Except the dad. I don’t care how “nice” he is in the end, I still think he’s an asshole. He did not win me over. 

Honestly the best characters were the young son and daughter (Paul Dano and Abigail Breslin) and surprisingly, the uncle (Steve Carrell). He doesn’t get too many dramatic roles, so I thought it was a nice change of pace for him to get maybe the most dark and “unfunny” character of the bunch. The scene between him and Paul Dano’s character at the beach definitely stands out to me. Paul Dano, despite not speaking for a lot of the movie, still made his presence known. His lines feel more significant simply because he is so silent throughout the first half. Plus, the relationship between the siblings is so subtle. Like they don’t even have that many lines together but that one moment in the field where they don’t even speak a word together but somehow communicate so much is incredibly well done.

Putting this weird family and even weirder child into the beauty pageant world (which is already so weird and bizarre) is enough to almost make them feel normal. Almost. I have to admit, I didn’t see a lot of the final dance number simply because I suffer from secondhand embarrassment, even when it’s fictional embarrassment. So mission accomplished on the writer’s perspective I guess?

While this is labeled a comedy, it wasn’t like laugh-out-loud funny, even if it did have its moments. Honestly, I would call it more of a family drama with just a touch of humor. Which is great, even if it’s not what I expected.

Rating: 7/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: I’ve always wanted to see this movie bc everyone alwayyssss acted like it was the best movie ever and Abigail Breslin is so cute and I loved Nim’s Island. I wasn’t allowed to watch Little Miss Sunshine, I think? Like I don’t remember ever expressly being denied but still I never did 🙄. I digress.

The movie is very good but not in the way I spent almost 20 years assuming. It’s morbidly realllll. Like I spent half the time not breathing. The opening scene of the whole family at dinner. Yikkkes. And I love Greg Kinnear but someone need to beat Dad up. At least give him a good slap. And all the other actors- despite them being huge- they were so believably their character, like this whole family existed I. A bubble of their dysfunction and crazy. And did I mention how cute Abigail Breslin is she’s like kittens and rainbows personified. I loveeee when she finds out in the dinner scene she’s going to the pageant and while the family’s arguing she’s just heard in the background excited and packing her bags. And Steve Carrell is so funny in little moments and quips.

And like I said it’s very real. And very dysfunctional. But at moments sweet. But at moments crazy. And then veryyyy cringe. That talent portion of the pageant…I get very much so it’s a commentary on how messed up beauty pageants for kids are truly- but then add the big finale- which was sweet and funny- but my umm my organs are receiving damage just recalling it now from the amount of cringing they did. So yeah take that for what it is.

Rating: 6/10 Cats 🐈

[revisitingglee]

S4 E5 - The Role You Were Born to Play

big episode for the white boys

THE GOOD

- Finn looks Good in the first scene 

the rugged tire shop coveralls and stubble work for him

- it’s nice that Artie makes Finn direct the play with him

Finn needs someone to gently hold his hand and guide him through hard times like the small emotional stunted toddler that he is 

- not to talk more about Finn’s clothes but the i love that he still dresses like a teen boy that wears exclusively american eagle polos that his mom got on clearance

- MIKE CHANG AND MERCEDES

- Beiste’s football pep talk to Will and Emma is so funny

- “[singing] just felt awesome, like a really good poop”

i missed Finn’s himbo energy so much

- Figgins is a little confused but he’s got the spirit when it comes to Unique

- Finn standing up for Unique was really great 

- Finn is an ALLY

it was really great of him to not give in and give Unique the part. it was also great that he let her decide if she wanted to do it. he gave her agency and allowed her to decide if it was worth the hate. 

- Unique is really brave for doing the musical despite knowing that she is going to be a target for Sue and other conservatives

but she is absolutely right that dreams aren’t free. sometimes we have to look bigotry in the face and take opportunities despite knowing that they are going to be hard. 

- Finn being a teacher makes a lot of sense

i think he’ll do a way better job than Mr. Schue but that a really low bar

- i’m glad that we’ll be rid of Matthew Morrison for at least a few episodes 

THE BAD

- Will would interrupt Emma and not let her talk during couple’s therapy

he’s in his sexist manipulator era

- HOLY SHIT THEIR NOT EVEN IN THERAPY THEIR JUST TALKING TO BEISTE

HELP 

(they do need therapy though (or just to breakup))

- Sue’s transphobic comments make sense for her character but it doesn’t hurt any less

maybe because it’s just too real and topical right now. her jokes about other marginalized identities are exaggerated and clearly jokes from the writers. (also a lot of them hurt too and i’ve talked about it at length) but the transphobic comments aren’t jokes, they are just current conservative talking points and things that are still being actively debated. Sue’s character is the person that hates everyone equally and i have problems with that idea, but what she says to unique is just plain transphobia. 

- I’m already tired of the Marley, Ryder, Jake, Kitty love triange (square??)

i have thoughts about who should end up with who but i’m going to save them for a little while 

- Kitty is straight up bullying Marley for no reason

she is truly just an awful mean spirited person

- Finn using the R word was unnecessary and wrong

in universe that was fucked up, but i also think it is fucked up for the writer’s to include that at all. it served no purpose and just undermined Finn standing up for Unique. i don’t understand why they did this even a little bit. wtf  

THE MUSICAL

- Hopelessly Devoted to You (9/10)

Darren kills this number. if they have to do Grease at least their doing it well. this song fit perfectly with the storyline. Darren’s acting and singing is wonderful as always. he is so talented. i loved it!

- Blow Me (One Last Kiss) (10/10)

WOW!! they absolutely destroyed that number. the energy was incredible. Marley and Unique are both incredibly talented, but they don’t seem like they would work together well. they have very different vibes. but holy shit that was perfection. their voices blend so well. Marley soft sweet voice complements Unique’s high belting so well. the choreography was a little cheesy but it doesn’t really matter. this also felt very cathartic after Sue’s transphobia. 

- Juke Box Hero (10/10)

this was a really fun number!! Ryder is so cute and his plot line in this episode is adorable. i loved seeing him come alive when he sings and have this whole classic rock fantasy. i too am a classic rock guy as Finn said, so i relate. (also i talked some shit about Finn being nothing special but Cory does have a really great voice so maybe i was wrong about that but my main point stands)

- Everybody Talks (9/10)

i wanted to hate this number but honestly i can’t. it’s really tight. both of their voices are weird on their own but they work really well together for some reason. also the choreography also works really well. it’s a really technically solid number and keeps your attention really well.

- Born to Hand Jive (8/10)

this number was so chaotic. but in a good way maybe?? Marley was the star of the show. she was just having a blast out there. it was so great to see her just having the time of her life. Kitty on the other hand wtf is her problem. she is just so annoying. i have no patience for her stupid bullshit. she needs to Stop. Ryder and Jake are both good. Ryder is so sweet and pretty talented. Jake did the most when he removed Kitty from the situation. it was also great to have Mercedes’ voice and Mike Chang’s dance moves back. i was so distracted by the drama that i didn’t pay attention to the singing but the dancing was really fun. 

OTHER

- if the writers weren’t cowards they would have cast Sam as Danny Zuko and Blaine as Sandy in a queer reimagining of Grease

(or maybe i’m just writing a Blam fanfiction in my head) (also when did I start shipping them this hard) (i’m a bi Sam truther)

- Blaine going through it after his breakup makes sense but is really annoying to me for some reason

it makes sense because high schoolers are Like That when they go through their first breakup and Kurt and Blaine were in a very intense relationship. but i just can’t get over how he’s acting like this for Kurt. Kurt is the literal worst and Blaine can do so much better. no need for the dramatics, bestie. you’re better off without him. 

- Finn’s character is so interesting in this season

he’s this white guy who has nothing particularly special about him and no direction. and everyone’s like you’re so great and special, you can do anything. but like the only reason they’re saying that is because he is put on this white guy pedestal and treated like the best thing in the world. he’s starting to realize that he is not all that and that he probably is only qualified to work at Burt’s tire shop or maybe teach. and honestly he’s right. 

- Finn and Sue’s argument in Figgins’ office is a rich text that i feel i need to unpack a little

first, i don’t understand Sue’s motivations at all in this scene. in the past she has only really been bigoted as a tool to get what she wants. i never thought she believed anything she said that bigoted, she just didn’t really care and was willing to use bigotry to get what she wants or have power over people. (not that it’s not bigotry and it’s still wrong). however, in this scene, she has no motivation for not wanting Unique as Rizzo other that blatant transphobia. it’s not consistent with her character and feels really gross, because even though Sue is the villain we are still supposed to like her and she was kind of getting redeemed. but this is straight up inexcusable. 

second, her argument that it they are actually in the wrong because causing a stir in conservative spaces would put the child in danger is so weird. like she has a point and it feels weird to subject Unique to that but also how are marginalized children supposed to do anything if nobody stands up for them and gives them opportunities. in my opinion, it is up to the adults to protect the child and allow them the opportunity anyway. 

third, Finn handles the situation incredibly well. like a model of how he should handle it and then blows it by using an ableist slur. if they’re going to have a violently transphobic character, they need to have someone to counter balance and fight back, so why did they have to make him also in the wrong. it makes the ending feel weird. 

It feels like they were trying to both sides this issue when it’s not something that can be debated.Trans people exist whether Sue Sylvester and the conservatives want them to or not and they deserve the same rights and opportunities that cis people are afforded. this is not a both sides issue. the transphobes are in the wrong. this scene would have worked so much better if they had just let Finn win and be completely right, but instead they had him be ableist and undermine his correct viewpoint. it’s fucked up. the whole scene left a bad taste in my mouth. 

also will schuester is a coward and using Finn being the director is such a copout. stand up for your trans student and support the person the you appointed as director for the play 

[milkacchan]

Request for anon: Hi!!!! i love our writing and i just knew you could do this! Could you do one with a father Aizawa and a gender nuetral chil reader, who is jealous of Midoriya. Because when Midoriya harnesses his quirk Aizawa be happy dadzawa but when the reader was like 6 or 7 and harnessed theirs he said like " Work harder." Or the world won't want a weak hero and stuff and thats why they hate Midoriya and stuff? IT IS SOO FINE OF YOU CANT!! THANKS <3

•Midoriya is nice.

• He's /so/ fucking nice

• He has a nice smile

• His freckles are nice

• His attitude is great

• He goes out of his way to make sure people are okay

• Which makes it worse and pisses you off more.

• You've been jealous of him for awhile- please he's the center of attention for everyone

• But that isn't your problem

• He's the center of attention for your own dad.

• At least it seemed that way.

• Shota Aizawa, your father, was a teacher at U.A.

• He was bound to get attached to students, that's what teachers are supposed to do

• But..it felt like you were on the back burner and not enough

• when you develop your quirk, you dad gives you a speech

• You're first sucess with your quirk, your father tells you to work harder

• And that's all it ever is

• "work harder"

• "you should be farther along by now,"

• "this isn't a joke, why are you treating it that way?"

• there wasn't a good job or a congrats or praise

• But there was with midoryia

• who got all of it.

• he got good jobs and impresseds

• He got way to go kid and that was smart

• At the beginning of the year you liked him

• He was friendly and funny and he seemed like a cool dude

• He was a cool dude and you hated him- yourself even more for that

• You couldn't ever hate him, not truly.

• Not even when your father praised him, took him under his wing, focused on him

• Even shinsou- you didn't hate him. You were great friends with him.

• But Midoriya irked you, even if you couldn't find it in you to talk behind his back or fuck him over

• Your jealousy for the boy only grew as your fathers praise to him grew and his words to you grew distanced.

• And yet you still thrived for the man's approval

• You wanted to be recognized

• You wanted validation

• You wanted praise and approval.

• You wanted love.

• You stopped speaking to Midoriya, completely. The poor boy didn't deserve a blow up from you, it wasn't his fault.

• Contact to him stopped. His conversation muted unless it was to the class Group Chat

• Your seat? Unfortunately still near him, was no longer an issue if you just ignored his presence

• If your group was hanging put with him that day, you'd skip with some dumb homework excuse.

• No one said anything

• Aside from shinsou that is.

• The smart-ass always had something to say

• "You can't just ignore your problems forever."

"I'm not, till talking to you."

"Funny. But seriously. He's going to question it if he hasn't already. Word gets around.."

• In all seriousness, shinsous worried. He's really worried.

• He's watching you distance yourself from people, from midoryia- hell the only reason the two of you still talk on a daily basis is because he forces it.

• You don't mind, of course, he know that. You did the same to him when his mental health had declined.

• But he sees you're doing it for validation

• Amd he knows Aizawas words aren't malicious. You're his kid, he's worried and wants you to survive over anyone else.

• Doesn't mean how he's going about it is right.

• and it isn't long before you start taking physical training to the max too.

• After class you train for hours until dinner.

• Sometines you miss it; sometimes you don't get home until much later.

• One day in particular though, you start training on a Saturday morning

• He tells you to be smart, keep hydrated and take breaks before he leaves for the day

• Only to come back at dusk to you still training

• "Quirks are currency shinsou,"

"That doesnt-"

"I have to get stronger, no one's going to want a weak hero"

"Y/N please- you've been out here all day. It's hot and muggy and you've barley eaten anything. You need breaks. You can't be a strong pro hero if you die of heat exhaustion." He takes your arm and pulled it down from the punching bag. "You're worrying me."

"I'm not strong enough," you mumble. "Dads right,"

• Eventually Midoriya starts to question why you're ignoring him

• He doesn't think he's done anything wrong

• Maybe he said the wrong thing? But what even is the wrong thing? What could he have said?

• After one particularly rough morning, you're struggling with something

• You're already pissed and ready for the day to be over.

• And it's only 10 in the fucking morning

• And Midoriya, desperate to heal what he once had with a friend (you), walks over to help

"Hey," he starts. "You look like you need some help?"

You pause, glancing in his direction for only a moment. "Go sit down," You mutter.

"I just want to help-"

"I don't need your fucking help. You are the LAST thing I need," you snap. "Who the fuck would /ever/ need you?" You grab your bag and shove him back, leaving the classroom.

The class quiets.

• Midoriya didn't deserve it, no. You knew that.

• You also knew that you weren't in the place to go back to school, so you didn't.

• You took the day off, wandering the streets of your prefecture

• Shinsous blowing up your phone

• Katsuki is too.

• Katsukis upset, you would be too if someone spoke to your friend that way

• Everyone else is too on edge to text you, they're worried though.

• Of course, they go to Aizawa.

• They tell him what happened and how you've been acting

• And he nods quietly and says he'll take care of it.

• Shinsou finally finds you at the Cafe you frequent and he quietly sits across from you

• "you should be in school," you mumble

"So should you."

It's quiet for a few moments before you speak again. "I think I'm going to leave U.A. Mom lives in Miyagi, they've got some nice highschools there. I talked to her over the phone last night."

"What? What no, you can't?"

"Why not, Hitoshi?"

"Because you're a hero-"

"I'm not. I'm not a fucking hero. I haven't made any successes while I've been here, I haven't developed anything, Dad was right."

"You dad was wrong. He's wrong. He's- He's worried one day you're not going to come home. Or when you do you won't be in one piece, so he's pushing you and pushing you," he took your hand gently. "You're strong. You're going to be a great hero. You've already accomplished more than you know."

"I blew up at Midoriya today," you slide him your drink and he takes a sip.

"I know." He nods. "But that's okay, we can deal with it later." He squeezed your hand.

"Yeah, later,"

• It's very much later by the time you reach your dorm.

• The day Shinsou moved to the 1A dorms was the day you'd rejoice

• Your bag is tossed to the side and you make your way to the kitchen and freeze.

• Aizawa is sitting at the table, facing you.

"Your friends are worried about you,"

Yous scoff. "Yeah I'm sure they are."

"Midoryias worried about you."

"I really don't care."

"You shouldn't have snapped at him." Aizawa sighs.

"Thats-" you take a deep breath. Of course he only cared about Midoriya. "Typical." You move to the fridge to get something to drink.

"I..apologize," he begins. "'It's come to my attention that I haven't exactly been the best father to you since your mother left,"

"You think?" You muttered.

"I'm worried. I'm scared."

You look up at him.

"The world is cruel. And I've lost so many students to hero work in the years I've taught, I wouldn't be able to handle it if I lost you to. But it seems I'm already down the path." He stood up and walked over to you. "You're my kid, I love you more than the moon and the stars, I want you to stay safe. Above everyone else, above all else, I want you to come home." He kisses your forehead.

"It'd be nice to get a good job every once in awhile. Everyone else does." You mutter, looking down.

"You are doing great, you know. I don't say it nearly enough but you impress me everyday."

• It's...a little awkward after that, neither of you know how to process emotion so after two days you just pretend like it never happened

• You quietly apologize to Midoriya and wall away before he can respond before pretending like that didn't happen either

• You're not expecting him to want to be your friend

• But he's very adamant on texting you, inviting you out, walking with you you to class

• 1A becomes whole again

• But Shota does ease up, you get the good jobs, the praise, the validation

• And you eat it up to be frank, you fucking love it.