#I’ve thought about just abandoning this fic altogether a couple times

[moonflower-rose]

The three things thing!

I am so behind that people are going to start calling me Dr Cheeks. I was tagged by three lovely humans of fandom, thank you all!

@shealwaysreads things here  @kbrick things here  @writcraft things here 

I can unhesitatingly recommend any of these writers works, not just the ones they've mentioned above, but I'm sure I don't need to tell anybody here that.

So, on to ME! The thing we're doing is 'Recommend us 3 of YOUR fics: 1 that is “most popular” and 2 that are “hidden gems.'

Most popular first.

I think whatever way you measure it, Watch the Castles Burn is my most popular fic. Every metric on AO3 has it on top, with the exception of subscriptions (its beaten only by my one fucking WIP that I stg I will finish one day soon).

I feel amused every time I see this fic. I wrote it for Wireless 2021 and not far off completion I had a complete emotional breakdown and went to bed for like 3 weeks and cried (not over the fic!). And then on the day that the fest started posting I pulled myself together and reached out to the mods to ask if it was too late to submit, and they were extremely kind and understanding and said yes, so I finished the last little lingering bit and had a non-fandom pal do the most last minute beta you can conceive of because I didn't really have any fandom connections that I felt I could impose on at that time, and we tried to take care of the worst of the comma crimes etc, and then at the end of the fest there she was! I was incredibly emotional, on a rollercoaster (grief is a bastard), and I felt like I had submitted an absolute steaming turd. I thought nobody would read it and nobody would like it. @shiftylinguini had only recently become a new friend and I spewed anxiety at her non-stop for days which she was very patient about and still kept answering my DMs, and has not yet abandoned me which speaks to her very good character and kindness lol. And somehow, this possibly-a-turd became the most popular thing I've written in eighteen years in the fandom. It's not what I consider my best work, but people like it!

Have a bit:

Potter found him in the shower block later that afternoon. Draco had one hand braced against the tile beside the shower head, letting the hot water pummel him. His left shoulder was bruised to hell, in fact he could feel the muscle along his ribs beginning to ache as well, the adrenaline slowly waning.

“I was looking for you,” Potter’s boots echoed off the tiles. “I went up to your office, but they told me you were probably down here.”

Draco turned his head just enough to look over his shoulder, and winced when his whole left side cramped in objection. “How’s Ron?”

Potter, to his credit, looked him in the eye. “Good. Very pleased to be alive, thanks to you. I think you’ll be getting Christmas shortbread and Easter buns from Molly for a couple of years or so, after this.”

Draco would have laughed, but that would have required using muscles which were currently strained to buggery, so he just made a noise instead and hoped it wasn’t too pathetic.

“That looks pretty sore. Do you need a hand with a Healing charm?”

He did, actually, not that he would admit it. Still a stubborn, proud arsehole, despite his best efforts. He turned slowly, flexing in the water. That fucking hurt, but the look on Potter’s face was worth it. “If you wanted an excuse to see me in my altogether, Potter, you need only have asked.”

Potter let his eyes drift down Draco’s body like fingertips. His drew his wand from his thigh holster, and gestured with it. “Turn around, you lush. Healing first, flirting later.” Draco turned the water off and braced himself again against the tile, and Potter’s magic collided with his back a moment later. He made a noise, it was punched out of him rather than anything voluntary, and the pain coalesced before fading to a low thrum.

“Thanks.” Draco’s voice was rough.

“Get dressed, and come home with me. I’ll give you a back massage, sort out the last of that stiffness.”

“It’s barely four.” Draco had a feeling there would be other kinds of stiffness afflicting him if he let Potter give him a massage.

Potter just looked at him with dark eyes. “Come home with me.”

Draco went home with Potter.

Next, two hidden gems.

I really like Relief from this years Sudsfest. I had 60K of thoughts about this fic but I only had about 4K of time and brainpower, so I sliced out the right bit for Suds and plan to come back to this very soon.

  Watersports is a challenging kink for many, its a broad label so it makes sense that people might be unsure of it, lol. But it gives me such a kick when people trust me and have a go anyway, and then say so in the comments. Love that!

Some Relief:

The afternoon management briefing had essentially been a write-off. The scar on his hip prickled and itched, and he kept zoning out, head full of warm sheets, velvet skin, stubble, sweat. Vivid flashbacks to things they’d done in bed together threaded through with things they hadn’t tried yet. Budget updates and governance and risk assessments and compliance reports. It was like the mumbling of a meeting happening in a different room.

Receipts! This was so much fun to write, I don't know what came over me one afternoon but I was full of beans and asked @shealwaysreads for a random prompt, and Receipts was born a couple of hours later in between meetings.  I also have thoughts about this, which I'd like to revisit one day (god knows when, the to do list is painfully long as it is).

A bit of Receipts:

“Parkinson, you look surprisingly well fed.” Weasley was all but bouncing in her trainers. “Care to show me your receipts?”

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours, Weasley,” Pansy said smoothly, and Draco didn’t miss the flash in the red-headed menace’s eyes. He looked desperately at Potter, who was attempting to enter the flat behind her. Eventually he had to shove her forward to get past her.

“Malfoy,” Potter’s eyes were sparkling, which was very annoying and not sexy whatsoever. “Alright?”

“I’ve been better, if I’m being honest,” Draco muttered, and Potter shook with suppressed laughter. “Let me get you a water.”

The girls barely noticed their departure, and in the kitchen Draco got down a pair of glasses and took the Brita out of the fridge.

“I hope you’re going to tell me your week has been as miserable as mine?”

Potter took a big sip of water, and his eyes crinkled. “Sorry to disappoint. This is going to be a piece of cake for Gin. She’s as stubborn as fuck, but she’s also already on a pretty strict diet because of training, so it didn’t take much to cut out luxuries. She made me go to the farmers market with her to get even cheaper veg—actually, I could have lived without the run on the way there, if I’m honest.”

“Well, Pans is basically made of refined sugar and nicotine, so I spent our last shop slapping Percy Pigs out of her hands like I was playing Goal Defense for England.”

Potter snorted and nearly spit out his water. Draco felt his belly swoop, and looked away to hide his smile.

“How long do you reckon this will go on?”

Draco cocked his head. “I mean, let’s not kid ourselves, this is foreplay. So I predict whichever one of them gets overcome with the need to hump first.”

Potter shook his head in amazement. “Somehow when you say vulgar things, I’m never expecting it.”

“I’m vulgarity personified,” Draco said, his nose in the air. “I also have a bar of Dairy Milk hidden in Pansy’s top shelf, and if you’re a very good boy I may share it with you.”

“I can be good for you, Draco,” Potter said in a low voice, and Draco stuck his head in the pantry to hide his reddened cheeks.

Tagging is the bit I'm really shit at, obviously never hesitate to just do this if you see it but the rules require tagging so if you haven't done this already and you want to, you are hereby tagged: @gracerene and @thehoneybeet and @candybarrnerd and @nv-md and @academicdisasterfic and @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm and @oknowkiss!

[salmonthestoryteller]

20 questions, writer's edition

I was tagged by @lambourngb - This was harder to fill out then it first appeared, btw.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

118

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

516,223.  I never looked that much at my statistics page before so that’s exciting to look at.

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Oh my gosh, so many.  25 different ones on ao3, 9 more that were never cross posted from the pit of voles, and at least 5-10 fandoms from prior to either of those sites.  LJ, Yahoo Groups, BBS boards, etc.    A partial list includes: Roswell New Mexico (2019) (My most prolific with 40 fics on ao3 and more here on tumblr I never cross posted there.), Hetalia, Yuri on Ice, Supernatural, Samurai Warriors, Uta no Prince-sama, Voltron, Shadowhunters, My Hero Academia, Pirates of the Caribbean, Animal Kingdom, The Old Guard, The Walking Dead, Dynasty Warriors, The Witcher, Xyber 9, Shadow Raiders, Mummies Alive, Babylon 5, and Star Trek.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes (The Old Guard) (Yeah, I had this one on anonymous for awhile.) 

Until the TIme is Through (Roswell New Mexico) (Part of my Canon Divergent To the Moon and Back Series) 

I Want You (Roswell New Mexico) (NSFW Malex) 

Crash and Burn (Roswell New Mexico) (Part of my Canon Divergent To the Moon and Back Series) 

Snow (Hetalia) (NSWF IvanxAlfred) 

5. What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

I’m torn between three actually:

Dormant (Hetalia)  I always say I love two endings, happy endings and greek tragedies, but I rarely write the greek tragedies.  Dormant is one of my exceptions.  Hetalia has one character who is hinted at being immortal, and I took that and wrote a fic about an Extinction Level Event and him watching the other characters die around him while he can’t.  I’ve always been really proud of this fic, despite it being one of the saddest things I’ve ever written.

Unclean (Roswell New Mexico)  Which is almost the darkest fic I’ve ever written.  It’s about Michael’s time in the home of the “Fundamentalist Religious Freaks” and the exorcism he mentioned.  It ends after the drifter and is very much hurt, no comfort.

Hell is… (Roswell New Mexico)  This is a ficlet I wrote for a prompt.  And it’s a dark take about what could have happened to the pod squad if they’d been caught after the murders.

6. What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Almost all my fics have happy endings.  So, what is the happiest?  Probably either:

Deck the Halls (Roswell New Mexico)  An Echo & Malex Christmas fic that is as fluffy as a fic that involves the Pod Squad, Christmas, and being attacked by anti-alien paramilitary groups can be.  (Also, Echo has a cat called Grisabella the Glamour Cat because Max should not be allowed to name anything and nobody can convince me that wouldn’t be absolute canon in a committed Echo relationship.)

Or

In Over Their Heads (Yuri on Ice)  A Seungchuchu with a fake engagement and unrequited feelings that aren’t actually unrequited. (And where Sara is Seung’s best friend because apparently I always write them that way and have no regrets.)

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you've written?

I don’t write crossovers.  Because I rarely find myself sold on the idea that the two stories exist in the same verse or can think of a way the characters would interact that would inspire me to write a fic.

8. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, and pretty much anything.  M/M, F/F, M/F, and Poly.  Plus a large variety of kinks.  (Yes, I was often on kink memes back in my LJ days.)

9. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try to?  I used to never respond because I didn’t know what to say, and then I tried to respond to every one, but there would be long gaps between when I checked and then I felt bad for responding so late, and sometimes I still don’t know what to say so I just end up not replying.  XD

10. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Surprisingly very little.  Some harsh criticism - one in particular actually hit young me hard enough to stop writing for a while back in the day.  But I tend to get more hate for my meta than my fics.  Which is odd since my fics are usually very much representative of my meta.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Only one - a Dynasty Warrior fic of mine about the bond between CaoCao and Xiahou Dun was translated into Chinese.  I mean, Dynasty Warriors is a video game literally based on The Romance of the Three Kingdoms, which is based on chinese history, so for someone to want to translate one of my fics about it was incredible to me. Links below.

Honor 

Translation: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4589910

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No.  I would probably drive a co-author nuts, tbh.  I’m so inconsistent.  And at the same time, I have a thousand thoughts.

14. What's your all time favourite ship? to write for?

I don’t actually have one?  RNM has become my top fandom to write for, there’s no doubt.  And while I think Malex is in the most fics among them, I’m not sure if that number surpasses other ships in other fandoms I’ve written for altogether.  In fact, according to ao3, only 15 fics of my 40 RNM even have Malex in them at all, and not all of those are Malex-centric.  In fact in at least 3, they’re a side ship.

I’d say that I probably write almost as many fics that are gen, friendship, family/found family feels, and character introspection as I do shipping fics.  Which doesn’t really leave room for any one ship to be at the forefront.

15. What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

None, I hope.  LOL.  There’s definitely a few that I have left uncompleted for a long time and feel guilty about but I’m not ready to say I’ve abandoned them yet.  There’s a ton of ideas I have written down that I may never actually write.  But none I have started that I don’t want to finish.

16. What are your writing strengths?

The three consistent compliments I’ve gotten are:  I capture the characters’ voices in my dialogue.  My writing tone is unique.  My smut is super hot.  XD  (I have no explanation for the last one, because to be honest ¾ of my smut is always foreplay.)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Action scenes.  I have been told before that my action scenes are very confusing.  Also, I rarely give physical descriptions of people’s appearances because I honestly rarely stop to consider what they’re wearing or how their hair is done.

18. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

It’s common in a couple of fandoms of mine, and I actually don’t mind it. Depending on the fic, it can be more realistic to me than otherwise.  (I just appreciate it when the translation is also provided.)

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  But I never posted that one.  Um… I think Ranma ½ was the first one I ever posted for others to read?

20. What's your favourite fic you've written?

Oh, gosh. Um… I know at one point I listed Dormant.  But I think right now if I had to choose I’d say either

School of Hard Knocks (Roswell New Mexico)  Which is my Michael-centric fic set in the lost decade.

Or

Duty First (Shadowhunters)  My Magnus and Raphael “missing scene” from 02x20.

Tagging @manesalex @lovecolibri @islndgurl777 @ninswhimsy 

[nautilusopus]

do you have any favorite books?

Coraline by Neil Gaiman is the obvious answer lol. Still my favourite book to this day, obviously hugely influential in my own bullshit. Seriously check it out if you can find a copy, it’s pretty short and absolutely worth your time.

The Devil’s Storybook by Natalie Babbitt and its sequel (The Devil’s Other Storybook) are more of an anthology of short stories starring the Devil, who occupies every role from vague background presence to put-upon protagonist that are funny and thought-provoking and genuinely clever and that pissed enough people off that it was a banned book for a while. “The Imp in the Basket” is the kind of short story I wish more people knew about and wanted to sincerely discuss what actually happened at the end.

ugh i haven’t read a book i actually enjoyed in over ten years at this point uhhhhhh

Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut. I think potentially the only classic I had to read in school that I genuinely liked and actually finished in one sitting on my own time. And I think the first time any themes a book had for me actually clicked and I was able to do any kind of meta analysis of it completely unprompted. Baby’s first literary comprehension. Slaughterhouse-Five is a semi-autobiographical piece set during the bombing of Dresden in WWII, and also some period in the “future” (the 80s lol), and ALSO on an alien planet as the protagonist is abducted and taken to a human zoo. The story is told achronologically, and I feel is hugely influential to my own shit where it skips around, building a narrative almost entirely by juxtaposing specific moments in time against one another. It's surreal and thought-provoking, and if you only ever make yourself read one classic, it should be this one. *

Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH by Robert C. O'Brien. Bear in mind this thing has fuck-all to do with the movie, and while in retrospect I now am able to enjoy the Don Bluth movie as its own thing, I remember being fucking furious when they busted out a goddamn magical amulet. It’s a different kind of story, but is more magic realism than outright fantasy, and the titular rats get a lot more backstory, as does the late Mr. Frisby iirc.

The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane by Kate DiCamillo. God that book fucked me up. It is about a snotty porcelain toy rabbit that gets dropped overboard a ship into the ocean one day, and the various owners he has over the years as he changes hands, and the impacts they have on him, and it makes me fucking cry every time and is to date the only book to ever do so so fairly warned be ye. Fucking shit I wish I could dish out gut-punches half as good as that book could.

The His Dark Materials trilogy by Phillip Pullman, which in and of itself is an angry rebuttal against everything the Chronicles of Narnia has to say, as well as Christianity in general. You’ve probably seen shit floating around about the HBO series, which I have not watched. Lyra is a horrible gremlin child running wild around a parallel universe Oxford until she accidentally stumbles onto a conspiracy that goes all the way to the Church which unofficially runs the government and eventually starts an interdimensional war against God. The first two books I think are better than the last one, which really drags in spots (and in a twist of irony had Lyra’s sexual awakening censored from the North American release which like... come on man). Absolutely worth checking out though, especially if you’re an angry pedant like I am.

Tales from the House of Bunnicula, by James Howe. Honestly the entire "Bunnicula Expanded Universe"(???) is great, but in particular I'm mentioning this sub-series because I think it actually kind of taught me to write. The framing device used is that they're being written by Howe's pet dog and sent in to him to publish by proxy. On top of having just a lot of good storytelling tips for beginners (how to create a plot! how to create character motivations! how to write female characters like actual people!), they're also fun little satire pieces of various kinds of genre fiction. Like, the third book is a riff on Harry Potter and making fun of all of JKR's worst writing tendencies, like her compulsion to phonetically write out everyone's fucking accent.

these days i'm just too picky to enjoy books anymore idfk. you have no idea how fucking disheartening it was growing up with actual taste (snooty snooty snoot) and watching everyone go nuts over stuff like divergent and eragon and maximum ride and fuckmothering twilight and shit. like, yeah misogyny absolutely played into why people shat on it because teenage girls aren't allowed to like anything, but lest we forget they were still shitty books guys. that never stopped being true or anything. and you were a social pariah if you didn't like them and that sucked. and then a couple ostensibly good series, like harry potter and artemis fowl and hunger games just dropped the fucking ball for one reason or another as they went on and never picked it back up. i think the mid 2000s almost singlehandedly just killed any real enthusiasm i had for reading altogether (this is not even getting into the fact a lot of really fucking bad "grown-up" novels came out around that period too. whole era was a baaaad time for books). so here i am writing, i guess, because i've decided you fuckers can't be trusted to make anything good yourselves. if you want something done right...

(*I like to think if Cloud wrote a book he’d write something like Slaughterhouse-Five. I think at one point I was even working on a fic along those lines -- a fictional story vaguely based off the burning of Nibelheim and the fall of Shinra that was written, in-universe, by Cloud several years later. Abandoned it just because of how fucking complicated it would be to do. Might come back to it one day.)

[samanthadalton]

Star crossed lovers (au) part 3

pairings: poppy x mc (bea)

warnings: throughout this fic there will be mentions of substance abuse, homophobia, sexual abuse, violence, NSFW, mentions of abandonment, depression and death including suicide

reader discretion is advised

taglist: @somewillwin @save-me-the-last-dance @baexpoppy @cloud9in @stanzoeywade @ognenniyvolk @thepotatobleh @crazzyplays @rxssians @helpconfusedpersonhere (if you wanna be added or taken off just let me know😊)

(i had a huge writer’s block and im getting back into writing more often so this chapter is pretty short but next chapter will definitely be longer) 

word count: 3.3k 

part 1: part 2: 

The make up 

After the never ending nightmare provided by Chloe and her idiotic clique, Bea’s reputation at Belvoire couldn’t possibly be worse. Everywhere she went she was met with stares, or laughter, and some students would even go as far as to catcall her or demand a dance or two. Never so badly did Bea wish she could be invisible but alas it felt as if the world was against her even more and she couldn’t bring herself to find comfort in the person she loves the most, Poppy. After feeling heartbroken from Poppy’s actions, or lack of, Bea had been busying herself over the last couple of days so she wouldn’t have to see the blonde. 

It didn’t help that Poppy was constantly blowing up Bea’s phone almost every second, not knowing why the brunette was ignoring her. It wasn’t until cheer/volleyball practice on Thursday that the blonde managed to steal a moment alone with her girlfriend after waiting for the girls to leave the locker room and then making the excuse she needed to find her speaker for practice and pulling an unsuspecting Bea to the back of the locker room. 

“Poppy what the hell, let go. I have to be on time for practice since I missed practice on Tuesday because of work.” Bea’s tone is slightly agitated as she tries to shake out of Poppy’s ironclad grip but the unwavering blonde just tightens it embedding the shape of her slender fingers on the brunette’s arm. 

“Not until you tell me why you’ve been avoiding me,” her voice is quiet, as she tries to catch Bea’s eyes searching for an answer.  

Bea defeatedly sighs and faces the girl, her head slightly tilted down to look the blonde directly in her eyes, “You know why Pops.” Poppy’s grip slightly loosens up and Bea takes advantage and shakes her arm out of her grasp and sits on the bench in the corner with her head between her hands. “After what happened on Monday, I can barely walk through school without some asshole making a comment or giving me a weird look. I feel so… violated.” Her voice was low but soft like she was tired of it all. 

Poppy wasn’t used to seeing Bea so vulnerable… so broken, usually when something like this happened at school Bea would reassure Poppy that she was okay and that Chloe’s words couldn’t hurt her. Only this time, it wasn’t just words, they publicly humiliated her girlfriend, and Poppy had never felt so powerless, as she watched her girlfriend on the brink of tears, fists balled up, but she couldn’t bring herself to move, to speak, all she could do was watch. Until Veronica broke out of her own faze and moved towards the brunette and tell everyone off. In the back of Poppy’s mind she knew that she should’ve been the one to defend her girlfriend’s honour, that she should’ve been the one by her side, not just this once but all the other times before, but her fears of everyone finding out the truth prohibited her from supporting her girlfriend, that damned fear that everyone would find out they were together which could be social suicide. For her career obviously, not her friends, they could eventually learn to love Bea, right?

Poppy pushes all thoughts from her mind and sits down next to a crestfallen Bea who’s breaths are becoming quicker, hands still wrapped tightly against her head. Poppy reaches over and wraps the girl in a one armed hug hoping the brunette doesn’t pull away, and feels a wave of relief when Bea nestles her head in the crook of the blonde’s neck and begins to regain her breathing. 

“Poppy… why didn’t you say anything?” Bea’s voice was low, slightly muffled as she spoke into the blonde’s neck, if she wasn’t nestled in Poppy’s embrace Poppy would’ve missed the question altogether.

Poppy places her chin above the girl’s head and sighes and as she opens her mouth to answer, she realises that she doesn’t have an answer, or at least one that would satisfy both herself and Bea. Instead she stays silent, though her deafening silence is enough for Bea to know that neither of them had an answer. Bea pulls away from Poppy and pushes herself away from her on the bench leaving some distance between themselves, in more ways than one. 

“I… see..” her voice is strained, as she battles with the tears that threaten her eyes, on the brink of exposing her hurt. 

“So what do we do now? Bea.. I…I miss you so much,” Poppy murmurs, her voice slightly chokes as she apprehensively fiddles her fingers together. 

Bea’s nostrils flare slightly as she grips the bench before using her force to push herself off to face the petite girl, anger flashing across all her features, she involuntarily raises her voice, “You think that this has been easy for me, Pops? It’s literally breaking my heart because I can’t talk to you about this,” her voice cracks slightly but she quickly masks it by clearing her throat and looking away. 

Poppy jumps up from her seat and tries to grab Bea’s wrist to turn her around to face her and Bea pulls out of her grasp and moves towards the front of the locker room, Bea’s tone almost pleading as she looks at Poppy with sorrow in her eyes, the angered tone replaced with a softer one “just..give me some space Poppy, I just can’t really be around you right now.” Poppy tries to intercept and just as she opens her mouth Bea puts up a hand to stop her, “seriously Pops, please. After what you and your friends did I just can’t be around you right now.”

Poppy feels anger flaring up inside of her as she scrunches up her face and runs a hand through her hair, “Me?’ she points to herself, losing control of her voice raising it, ‘What the hell did I do? I didn’t even kno-”

Bea practically screams her whole face turning red as tiny specks of saliva leave her mouth as she shouts, “It’s what you didn’t do! You watched them humiliate me and you didn’t do anything! I thought my girlfriend was supposed to support me but maybe I was wrong.” With that she turns and walks out of the locker room leaving behind a broken hearted Poppy who just falters at the harsh reality of Bea’s words. 

Poppy sits down on the bench, alone, thoughts running wild through her mind. She doesn’t care about the fact that the girls are probably waiting for her at cheer practice, her heart just hurts too much. She sits in silence until the sounds of heavy footsteps interrupt her thoughts, she looks up hoping it’s Bea but feels dejected when she sees a hint of grey-ish ombre hair. 

“Poppy what the hell? We’re all waiting for you to tell us what to do.” Veronica tone impatient and she stands in front of the blonde with a hand on her hip, eyebrows raised. Poppy just hums non committedly, earning a frown from Veronica who in turn, proceeds to grab the girl by her arm to lift her off the bench, pulling Poppy from her reverie. 

“Ow, chill V- what the hell” Poppy rubs at the spot which the ombre-haired girl just grabbed and pushes her slightly back, “Can’t I just take like 5 minutes to myself?” 

Veronica has known Poppy long enough to know that something is on her mind since the blonde has a pretty clear track record for when it comes to showing up to practice on time, she sighs and cups Poppy’s cheeks staring directly into her eyes, “Now are you gonna tell me what’s up or are you gonna waste all of our time pretending you’re okay?” 

“I’m fine V,” she moves towards the entrance of the locker room but is quickly pulled back by Veronica who knits her eyebrows together, features looking downcast. 

“P, I’ve known you long enough to know something’s up, tell me.” 

Poppy bites her lips her gaze drifts to the ground and she lets out an annoyed sigh, “I finally spoke to Bea” 

Veronica perks up a little, “that’s good right?”

Poppy responds with a shake of her head obtaining a look of disapproval from the girl, “what happened when you guys talked?”

“She practically blamed me for what happened on monday, I mean how was I supposed to know that Chloe would do something so cruel? I didn’t think she had the brain cells to even come up with something like that.” 

“What the hell?! It wasn’t your fault, do you want me to talk to Bea?” Veronica’s protectiveness bursts out as she awaits Poppy's answer. 

‘No, I-, I didn’t mean it like that. I mean she’s right.’ Veronica sits down on the bench and pats the space next to her and Poppy obliges and sits down. “Bea was mad because I didn’t do anything, and she has every right to be mad. I mean, am I a shitty girlfriend?” She looks over to Veronica praying that she holds the answer to her question. 

Veronica wraps her arm around Poppy and sighs before speaking, “Do you know why I got involved and stood up for Bea?”

“So my girlfriend could hate my guts because it should’ve been me?” 

Veronica exasperates a little, lightly slapping Poppy’s back, “No idiot, I did it for you.” Poppy grimaces as she waits for Veronica to continue. Seeing that she isn’t going to interrupt Veronica carries on speaking, “I saw your face when you realised what they were doing to Bea, and I know that you were feeling conflicted. I mean I wouldn’t want to be in your place, having a girlfriend that no one can know about because our friends hate her because she’s part of the working class or whatever. Or a homophobic dad who has extremely high expectations and expects you to be the best of the best because he thinks it’s what your mom would’ve wanted.” If Veronica’s known for one thing, it's her bluntness. Her cold hard deliverance of the truth stunned Poppy, who for the first time does not have the words as reality dawns on her. 

“... You’re right,” Poppy eyes frantically move side to side as she reflects on the past and realises that Bea has had to endure a lot of crap from her friends over the past couple of years, and she berates herself for thinking that her girlfriend could handle it on her own. She groans into Veronica’s shoulder, “God I’m such an idiot… I've been expecting Bea to just be okay with all the verbal abuse and I’ve never said anything to Chloe, I just let it all happen.” She jumps to her feet, suddenly feeling resolved, she looks down at Veronica who just blankly stares at Poppy hoping for an answer for her sudden awakening. “I know what I have to do” and with that she runs out of the locker room ignoring Veronica as she calls out to her. 

Poppy moves with determination as she heads over to the hall where volleyball practice takes place and before she opens the door she peeks her head though the window and sees a disheartened Bea running laps as Chloe barks out orders to the rest of her teammates. 

She throws the doors open and charges towards Chloe who notices a furious Poppy moving towards her and breaks out into a smile, “Hey P, aren’t you supposed to be at prac-” Poppy practically slams Chloe into the wall and practice comes to a halt as all the girls, including Bea watch the ordeal unfold. “Owww, what the hell” Chloe tries to move from Poppy’s hold as her back is flat against the wall but the shorter girl filled with anger and adrenaline rams the girl back into the wall. 

“That crap you pulled on Monday wasn’t cool and you’re not gonna bother Bea or speak about her mom again. Otherwise you’re going to regret it.” Poppy’s eyes bore into Chloe’s, her tone threatening but low, only meant for the blue-eyed girl to hear. 

Chloe’s temper flares as she looks over Poppy’s shoulder to see a confused Bea watching the two girls with a frown and in the moment she manages to shove Poppy back and overemphasises her height against the strawberry blonde, keeping her posture straight and her head bent slightly to look down at her, “So what? Because you’re lab partners you guys are all buddy buddy? Who gives a shit about that tramp? What you’re not going to do Poppy is walk into practice and try to embarrass me in front of my team.” Chloe’s voice echoes throughout the hall as she struggles to keep her temper under control. 

Poppy’s somewhat startled by Chloe’s outburst but maintains her stoic expression and leans in to whisper, “I could end your life Chloe, don’t test me.” She looks down at Chloe’s hands to see them shaking as they’re balled up into fists, she knows the girl would never touch a hair on her head but she also doesn’t want to escalate the situation any further in case the fallout is bad for Bea. Well, there’s just one more card for her to play, she sighs and rubs her forehead with one hand as she reaches out and clasps one of Chloe’s fists with her other, “I don’t want you talking about Bea’s mom because at least she has one, no matter how shitty she may be.” 

All the colour drains from Chloe’s face as her body relaxes and she looks more embarrassed than anything else, using her dead mom as bait for no one to find out about her and Bea? She’ll take that opportunity. 

Chloe simply splutters struggling to find the words, so she just wraps her arms around Poppy and mumbles into Poppy’s ear, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise how much that would’ve affected you.”

Poppy rolls her eyes slightly as she knows that Chloe’s sincerity is only for her and not Bea but she releases herself from Chloe’s embrace and places a hand on Chloe’s shoulder, “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have barged in here during practice but it was eating me up inside and I just had to say something.” Chloe aggressively nods along to each and every one of Poppy’s words and her lips form a small smile, which Poppy reciprocates. 

“Well, umm I should get back to practice and so should you, I’ll tell the guys as well to stop too” 

Poppy genuinely smiles at the girl and gives her a small thank you before turning around to leave the gym. Her eyes catch Bea’s and she crinkles her eyes a little, giving a small smile before leaving the gym to go to practice in the field. 

……

After a couple of gruelling hours of practice Poppy and the rest of the cheerleaders all shower and change before forming a small semicircle around the team captain. Poppy’s gaze shifts between every girl before landing on Veronica’s who gives her a wink. “Great practice today girls, remember that we need to be in top shape for the first football game against Hearst in two weeks.” She claps her hands together as all eyes are entranced on her, “I’m sorry I was late to practice so you guys had to stay back a little longer but remember that your dedication is what’s most important to the team. Also I’m still deciding who will be part of the smaller group to cheer at the volleyball games. When the teams make it to nationals we will be representing Belvoire at the games and will be invited to stay with the volleyball team for two weeks in spring. So…. impress me girls.” The cheerleaders disperse as Veronica and Poppy walk out of the locker room side by side and Veronica bumps Poppy’s shoulder slightly as they walk out to the dimly lit empty parking lot. 

“So I’m guessing whatever epiphany you had worked out”

Poppy chuckles a bit, “what makes you think that?”

“Well you weren’t a crazy bitch today in practice so there’s that. What exactly did you do?”

Poppy lazily picks at one of her manicured nails, “What I should’ve done from the start, gave Chloe a piece of my mind.” 

Veronica lets out a loud exaggerated cough and Poppy looks up at her eyebrow raised, “well whatever you said, I’m guessing it worked,” she nods her head towards the direction over Poppy’s shoulder and Poppy turns to see Bea leaning against her motorbike her eyes fixated on hers and she smiles. “Well, I’ll take that as my cue to leave” she gives the blonde a quick hug and salutes to Bea before heading into her car and driving away. 

Poppy saddles up to Bea and awkwardly tucks in some of her hair behind her ears. Both of them just stare at each other, waiting for the other to initiate the conversation until Bea lets out a laugh. 

“So…” 

“So….”

 “I liked that tactic of yours, slamming Chloe against the wall, I mean I’ve been wishing to do that for years.”

Poppy throws her head back and laughs, “Not my finest moment but I had to do something,” She nervously chews on her lips as she awaits for Bea’s reaction. 

“Yeah, that was uh something,” She hesitantly reaches out to the blonde gripping her waist and pulling her closer, “I’m not fully happy with you though, but thank you. I don’t know what you said to Chloe but this was the first practice where she treated me with some decency.”

Internally, Poppy screams with happiness as this was the first time in days where Bea just simply holds her and she wraps her arms around the taller girl’s neck resting her forehead against hers. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, I know I have to earn that. And I know I’ve been a shitty girlfriend-” 

Bea shushes Poppy her hand moving up to cup Poppy’s jaw while her thumb circles her cheekbone, “You’re not a shitty girlfriend Pops. It’s just I wish you could just I don’t know, publicly support me a little. No one’s gonna suspect anything about us just because you’re being a respectable human being.” 

“I know, I know. If I’m being honest, I just froze, I didn’t know what to do but my first instinct should’ve been to help you. It’s just so hard sometimes when everyone’s watching because honestly speaking Bea? I don’t know how you do it sometimes. You’re the most incredible person ever and you deserve to be with someone you can actually be with, not just someone you have to hide in the shadows with.” 

Bea places a finger on Poppy’s lips, silencing her, and when she speaks it’s with the greatest intensity and desirability, “I choose you Poppy. Everyday I choose you. I know it’s not without its challenges but I would rather do hard with you than have it easy with somebody else. You’re worth it all. I just want a little more support, that's all I ask.” 

“And that’s exactly what you’re going to get Bea, I promise,” she leans in and places a soft kiss against Bea’s lips and whispers, “I love you so much, and I promise to do better.”

Bea feverently kisses the blonde before whispering back, “I love you too. Now that we’re okay..how would you like to accompany me to a party this Saturday” her eyes gleam with hopefulness as she knows that Ford is already planning a back to school party on saturday and Poppy’s obligations would usually fall align with her friends. “There’s even going to be fireworks.”

Poppy kisses the brunette, “Fireworks huh? I would love to” she kisses Bea again, filled with passion as the couple of days they spent without each other catches up to them and Bea grips Poppy’s hips tighter pulling her impossibly closer to her. 

Unbeknown to the girls, a figure in the corner of the parking lot watches the girls locked in a passionate embrace which is eventually broken as the brunette offers to drive the blonde home and they drive off together, happy and content. 

read part 4 here: 

[merakiui]

You got any yandere hcs of the boys before we start. Im an yandere obsessed anon who lives and brreaths reading this shit and I wanna know how fucked we can get

(Here you go, wonderful anon! I’ll post yandere hcs for the other teams soon. I’d also like to post yandere fics for these boys, but I’m not sure if anyone’s interested. >-< I’ve got two sitting in my drafts, though!)

Yandere Morning and Day Teams

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 TW: (yandere) unhealthy/obsessive behaviors, mentions of kidnapping/captivity, gas-lighting, starvation, abuse

Morning Team (Mane)

🧩 Ghilley 🧩

Ghilley is definitely a stalker. He’ll be in your shadow whether you like it or not. Nothing escapes his watchful gaze, so it’s important that your enemies choose their words around you.

He’s already skilled at sneaking around, so he’ll use that to his advantage. Popping in to give you a spook, showing up when you’re out with someone else, and even when you think you’re alone.

He’ll follow you if he thinks you’re going to get yourself into trouble again. His poor manager just has a habit of attracting bad people. Just let Ghilley handle all those vengeful spirits. You won’t have to lift a finger!

If anyone gives you problems, tell Ghilley and that issue will be solved in no time. And if you get curious and ask him what happened, he’ll just shrug the question off in a playful manner.

His behavior is unpredictable, so you never know what he does in his spare time. Truthfully, Ghilley’s either watching you or he’s playing a few tricks on those who bothered you. They’ll remember not to mess with you if they’re given a permanent fright.

You won’t notice what’s going on until everyone starts to keep their distance. Friends will make up excuses so they won’t have to hang out with you, and those who might’ve had some romantic interest in you have cut communication altogether.

When you’re feeling down, Ghilley will swoop in to cheer you up. You start to normalize your relationship with him because it’s all you currently know. No one else is willing to talk to you, so you can only rely on him.

Ghilley knows it must hurt to be alone, but it’s the only way he can have you to himself. So he’s willing to bury his pain if it means he’ll get to console you.

He wouldn’t hurt you, but he might remind you every now and then that he’s the only one who hasn’t abandoned you yet.

Yet. A word that’s become part of his daily vocabulary. A word that reminds you of the fact that he could leave you one day.

☀️ Ell ☀️

He shouldn’t feel these emotions to begin with. It’s almost...dirty, in a way. Almost like he’s sinning.

He’s not doing anything bad, though. Loving you was what got him kicked out of Heaven in the first place, but that’s not entirely evil in itself. At first, he assumed Cupid’s Arrow was the one to blame for these lovey-dovey feelings, but it’s not Cupid’s job to foster obsession among former angels.

He doesn’t recognize how suffocating his presence truly is. You’d probably have to tell him to back off before he stops sticking by your side, and even if you did something like that it’d make Ell incredibly sad. Without realizing it, he’ll start to guilt-trip you. 

“I’m sorry, Manager! You just looked like you could use some company. I... I can leave you alone if that’s what you want. You might think I’m annoying and—achoo!”

Nowadays, he’s been sneezing a lot, but the idea that his love for you is what’s causing all of this never crosses his mind. He just can’t wrap his head around that. Why would love, a pure, wonderful feeling, make him sneeze?

Under that smile of his are a dozen worries. He’s afraid he’ll chase you away or that you’ll stop liking him. Ell would feel crushed if that ever happened, so all of his energy goes into appeasing you.

He’ll show up unannounced at your office with your favorite snacks, follow you around the campus, and talk to you about literally anything. He could ramble about the grass if it means you’ll spare him your time.

Ell doesn’t really know the meaning of jealousy or hatred. Having been an angel once, he’s not used to negativity. He doesn’t necessarily feel extreme envy, nor does he hate any of the Reapers, but he does sulk about it.

It’s hard to say when he got obsessed. Perhaps it was when you first met and you mistook him for your own guardian angel. Despite the fact that he’s not an angel anymore, Ell likes the sound of that.

It’s a guardian angel’s job to care for and protect humans, so surely you won’t mind if he stays glued to you like a fungus. After all, it’s harmless, happy Ell! You’ve got nothing to worry about!

🐴 Jamie 🐴

Jamie is so strong it’s scary. Good luck trying to beat him in a fight if you ever attempt an escape.

He seems so innocent and kind on the outside, always willing to lend a hand when you’re struggling with Non-Non. If he’s being honest, he likes doing chores with you. It almost feels like the both of you are working on a farm together in the desolate outdoors. Just you, him, sprawling farmland, and no civilization in sight. How cute is that?

No one suspects he's obsessed until they look beyond that soft appearance of his. His gaze will linger to the point where it’s creepy, and he’ll smile while he watches you work.

He’ll get better at technology and city life so he’ll have something else to chat about whenever it’s just you and him.

If he finds out that you’re interested in something, he’ll try his best to learn more about it. Oh, you mentioned a new movie that’s been released in the human world? Maybe he’ll have to see it for himself. Did you want to try a new pastry from your favorite bakery? Jamie will buy it for you, so you should go with him!

He’s reliable, kind, and helpful—surely you’ll fall for those qualities. If not, he’ll find another way. After all, there’s a saying that goes ‘where there’s a will, there’s a way,’ and it’s not like he’ll give up anytime soon.

Jamie likes to imagine a comfortable life with you on the farm. Both of you will tend to the land and the animals, you’ll always have fresh crops, and you'll be together forever. It’s an ideal fantasy, but if you’re not willing he might just have to lock you up in the stables. 

Jamie doesn’t fret over potential rivals. If he was able to silence the thugs in his neighborhood, a few pesky humans are nothing.

He’ll get flustered when you say anything nice to him. It really warms his heart to be at the receiving end of your caring words.

And it’s even better when you're accepting his suffocating love. You’ll find that the bed is much softer than the stable. Just don’t push him too far. Sometimes he doesn’t realize his own strength, and your bones can only take so much pressure.

💋 Licht 💋

Licht didn’t think he’d find his soulmate so soon! Whether you click or not, Licht certainly feels a special connection. He’s going to flirt with you no matter what.

It’s up to you whether you respond to his playful advances, but if you decide to humor him be prepared to have this man all over you. If you’re returning his playful gestures and remarks, it must mean something!

Licht lives for storybook romance. There’s something so lovely about sweeping his true love off of their feet, so he’d like to woo you in traditional ways. He’ll gift you your favorite candies, give you a bouquet of flowers, and buy you cute trinkets that remind him of you.

He takes note of what you wear and whether or not you put on a perfume/cologne on certain days. He’ll memorize your fashion style and then try to match it with his own. Licht’s happy whenever the two of you conveniently match outfits. It’s almost like you’re a couple.

He’ll probably spray his own cologne on your clothes if he ever gets a hold of them. You’ll wonder where this new scent came from, and Licht will be over the moon if you decide to leave it as it is.

Licht will invite you on dates under the guise that the two of you are just hanging out as friends. Lo and behold, his real motive is to act like your boyfriend. If you aren’t careful, he might just go around telling strangers that you’re his partner.

He’s always touching you in some way. Sometimes it’s an arm around your waist or his hands are on your shoulders. To some, it’s just his affectionate personality, but to you it’s completely suffocating.

Whenever he holds your hand, it almost feels like he’s daring you to try. Like he wants you to run off and get a taste of the scary world so that he can come in to save you like a true prince.

He hopes that enough flirting will have you confessing. All of these romantic gestures have got to count for something!

Despite this, Licht wants to believe you love him as much as he loves you. Tricking himself is easy, but convincing you is going to be a challenge.

Day Team (Die)

🎹 Theo 🎹

Theo’s harbored some dark thoughts ever since he witnessed you and Nine in the storage room, happily playing the piano like a pair of friends. Like a pair of lovers.

Theo can’t stand it when the others are around you, especially if they have ill-intent. Whenever he takes care of bullies or vengeful spirits, he’s got this dead look on his face. It’s devoid of any feeling, and his eyes are filled with silent anger. It’s a stare that does more than curse; it could probably kill.

He’s rather clingy, always insisting that he accompany you to and from your destinations. If you decline, he’ll just smile and act polite. But if he finds out that you decided to go with someone else...

Theo wants to be the only one in your life. Everyone else is just a worthless germ that needs to be scrubbed away. If they linger around you for too long, he worries you’ll become infected.

He doesn’t want to hurt you, but sometimes you need to learn a lesson. If you’re so picky about eating the food he so graciously went out and purchased, then maybe you don’t deserve to eat at all. Not until you warm up to his cooking, that is.

He’s willing to do anything for you in order to appear perfect. If you were to tell him to shoulder your workload, he’d do it without a single complaint. If you wanted him to watch paint dry, he’d do it with his head full of you.

All he ever thinks about is you. Sure, his mind flits from June to new recipes to the piano every now and then, but it always seems to settle on you in the end.

What did you eat for breakfast? Did you get enough sleep? Would you like something to drink? Where are you going with Youssef? Why is Nine getting close to you? Why aren’t you looking at him?

Theo will know everything about you in time. Whether you like it or not, he’s going to unearth every detail he can. Even mundane habits you don’t pay attention to. Before you know what’s happening, Theo’s got your schedule memorized thoroughly.

He holds no remorse for those who get in his way. As sweet and disarming as he may seem to those around him, Theo’s wicked behind closed doors. That spell book of his has no business gathering all this dust.

🌹 Louis 🌹

Everyone assumes Louis has no interest in anyone other than himself, so it’s a surprise when he starts to give you more attention than normal.

His compliments start getting personal and they still don’t make sense. Just the other day, you were trudging through the hall, dead-tired, when Louis passed you. He stopped, smiled, and said, “Thy radiance outshines the brightest of stars!”

He’s always energetic like that, so it’s not like his behavior is particularly strange. But he spends more time flattering you than himself. His main priority isn’t his beautiful face anymore.

You deserve the world. Why hasn’t anyone given it to you yet? Fear not because Louis is determined to give you everything you could ever want. He’s a prince, after all, so it’s only fair that you sit upon the throne with him.

There’s no room for anyone else in this relationship. It’s just you and him. If you were to leave him, his heart would shatter! Sadness has never been a good fit on Louis, and you know how much he cares for his appearance. So you’ll do him a favor and stay so he won’t wilt like a rose, right?

It’s almost like he lives off of you. You’re his sunlight, water, and fresh air. Any less of your attention and he’s sighing dramatically. Won’t you be a dear and cheer him up? After all, it’s not every day you see Louis so upset.

He doesn’t want you to hate him. If you do, Louis will just ignore your hurtful feelings. He’s got more than enough love to go around. Surely that’ll convince you that he means no harm.

You’ll be treated like royalty, and everyone else is a mere peasant. Sure, Louis can say that he treasures everyone, but some people just aren’t worth his time.

Naturally, a prince deserves the finest, and he won’t settle for anyone who isn’t you.

So don’t fret! Those chains are only temporary, and once you show him some hospitality he’s willing to ease up on his restrictions. Although his sense of freedom is rather cracked.

♞ Ethan ♞

Ethan is a tough case. He hardly shows his emotions, so it’s difficult to determine how he’s feeling. He’ll never show any hostility towards you, though. It’s nothing but warmth and kindness.

When it comes to the others, he’ll give them the cold shoulder and a few cruel remarks. His patience tends to wear thin when he sees people bothering you.

Ethan’s like a hawk. He’ll keep an eye on you to make sure you’re staying out of trouble and he’ll swoop in as soon as something unsavory happens.

He’ll treat you like a glass figurine that’s always on the verge of breaking. At some point, he becomes your unofficial knight in a way. He’s willing to defend you by all means necessary, so everyone else should back off if they know what’s best for them.

At first, he scorned these feeble emotions for getting in the way of his stony resolve, but now he’s come to accept them.

It’s impossible to deter him from his motives. Once he’s got his mind set, he won’t change it. After all, everything he does is completely intentional.

He’ll just stare at you while you struggle in those bindings. If you were smart, you’d just accept your fate and act docile, but Ethan’s not a fool. He’ll keep you bound for as long as it takes.

You can try to reason with him, but nothing ever works. No matter how sweet the deal may seem, he never agrees to any of it.

Ethan will take care of you while you’re adjusting to a permanent life with him. You won’t go a day without a bath, healthy meals, or a lack of sleep. If Ethan says you’ll bathe, you’ll bathe. If he says you’ll eat, you’ll eat. His word are practically law.

Despite his harsh rules, he’s not that hard on you. He’d never lay a hand upon you, nor will you find yourself at the end of his sharpened sword. As long as you fall into a pleasant routine with little complaint, he’ll be happy.

💥 June 💥

June doesn’t realize his feelings for you are unhealthy. He just thinks they’re a natural part of life! Everyone falls in love at some point, right? So you can’t blame him when he’s doing everything he can to spend more time with you.

Your paperwork will never get done because June wants you to watch him while he trains. He’ll even show you his workout routine, hoping you’ll agree to train with him one day.

He’s one of the Reapers who doesn’t get jealous much. Unless someone’s really trying to get him to snap—which doesn’t happen often. But in the event that he does feel envious, he’ll frown a bit, his voice won’t be at its usual loudness, and he’ll sulk.

Immediately perks up the moment you give him any attention. He practically lives off of your reactions and has no problem announcing that to everyone.

June will remain loyal to you no matter what! Nothing can separate the two of you, and he’s convinced himself that you feel exactly the same. If you’re always smiling, it must mean that you accept his feelings! So then why have you started acting awkward when he continues to ramble passionately about how much he admires your strength and persistence?

Try to leave him and he’ll be so heartbroken. June won’t know how to react! Why would you want to leave? He’s never done anything that would warrant this kind of behavior. Maybe he just needs to give you more affection.

Bright and early, he’s knocking on your dorm with a huge grin. “Manager, the sun hasn’t risen yet, but that doesn’t mean we should wait for it! Let’s train hard today! Haha!”

June loves protecting you. Whenever he saves you from danger, he feels like a hero in those action movies he loves so much. Anyone would love to get saved by someone who’d die for them! This sort of loyalty will have you falling for him in no time.

And if it doesn’t, he can just create a few perilous scenarios. What you don’t know can’t kill you, right?

You’re his soulmate, so there’s no way he’d give you up in his afterlife.

[pit-and-the-pen]

But what if...Jk...unless...

A dream fic (with a little liberty but basically the same vibe) for @thoseofgreatambition. Hope it’s everything you want :)

I got carried away since I really do love writing for George..... 

--------------------------------------------------------

I was sitting on my bed at the safe house, it was just a little past sundown when I got a knock on my door. 

“Y/n?” A voice from behind the door calls. 

I folded over the corner of the book I was trying to read and set it down. I walk over to the door to open it and standing behind it is George Weasley in all of his glory. 

“You got a second?” He sounds serious. I instantly start to panic but swallow it down. 

“Yeah of course. Is everything alright?” Even I can hear the stress in my voice. 

“Oh yeah. Don’t worry everything is fine. I guess. As fine as they can be...considering..” A breath escapes from my mouth. Deflating. He’s trying to make it into a joke so it must be semi-serious. 

“What’s up?” 

“I want to do something a little stupid. And I need, one, you not to get upset, and two you to go with me.” I roll my eyes at this melodramatic tone.

“George whatever you need. I’m in.” 

“Don’t agree before you hear it.”

“Merlin, George just spit it out.” I say getting slightly impatient.

“I need to go check on the shop.” He rushes out.

No. Absolutely not. Not a chance in hell. I have heard a fair share of stupid things come out of this mans head but this by far has to be the stupidest thing he has ever thought of. 

“You said you wouldn’t get upset.” Hurt is laced into his voice. 

“You didn’t say it was that stupid.” My tone is clipped. 

“I said a littl..”

“Little. Not damn near suicidal.” I stare him down with a gaze that would put Molly to shame.

“Look. I just want to grab some things. Ya’ know, and make sure the place is still standing. It’s really important to me.” George went straight to pleading. He knew I couldn’t say no if it was that important to him.

I looked up at the ceiling like it would suddenly come and strike me down. I wasn’t that lucky. 

“Fine. I will go on this death mission with you. Just because I know you’d go with or without me.” I sigh. 

In the next moment, I’m getting picked up off of my feet. Smothered in a giant hug from George. 

“Thank you.” 

“Thank me when we get back. Preferably with all of our remaining parts.” I say, still not used to the hole on the side of his face. Just another reminder of what is out there waiting for us. 

I regret saying yes the moment I agreed. Damn George and him knowing I can’t say no to him. 

---------------------------

“If you don’t stay still. I will just just cut it all off.” I shout at the man doing his best impression of a worm for me currently. He just continues to laugh  “Stop it or I won't go.” He laughs harder at my attempt to be stern but stops squirming. I am currently covering up his signature red hair, turning it into a dark brown. Going right into the belly of the beast was one thing, his bright red hair would give us away and I wasn’t going to rely on a cloak to cover it up if we got caught. Mine was currently a bright white that made Malfoys’ look brassy. Hopefully it would be enough if we were to get stopped, not that I think the person stopping us would be the ‘ask questions’ first type. A few more flicks of my wand and all the red is covered. I dye his eyebrows for good measure and he really does look like a whole new person. “Okay done.” I say tucking my wand away into my cloak. 

“That should hold for long enough to get us there and back.” I say, my mind reeling at all the things that could go wrong. Just to check on his stupid store. George’s work ethic was one thing I admire about him, but it really did know no boundaries. 

We manage to sneak out of the boundaries of the protection spells around the cottage. I looked up at the dark sky for the first time in what felt like months. For being on the beach, I really did just hide away inside. 

We apparated to just a few stores down from the shop, just in case there was anyone waiting inside it. It would give us time to either get out or to prepare for a fight. 

I grabbed George’s arm tightly as we walked down the abandoned and destroyed street that used to be crawling with life. The windows all blown out or boarded up, glass crunching under our feet as we walked what used to feel like a second home. I had to swallow back tears. Just seeing this type of destruction in a palace that used to feel untouchable. 

George seemed to sense my mood change, and might even have been feeling it himself and squeezed the hand that was wrapped around his arm. To anyone that looked we probably just looked like a very out of place couple. The store was in view and to say it was eerie would be an understatement. The giant moving statue outside of it, still and lifeless. Seeing that sent a chill down my spine and was really threatening my self control. Other than just being dead, it looked pretty untouched. One window in the front was broken but that could be easily fixed. I tried to focus on that. It was rebuildable. Maybe we all were. 

Suddenly I got the feeling we were being watched. 

“Shit.” I swore when I saw someone walking towards us. I pulled George closer and picked up our speed. I felt his other hand twitch towards where his wand was tucked. Taking a deep breath, I pull him towards me and give no time to think about it before I push my lips against his. My heart stops beating the moment I meet the softness. With how much he bites at his lip I would expect them to be rough but it was like touching a cloud. As sweet as a sugar quill. He lets out a surprised gasp and I expect him to pull away or maybe even push me off. Be disgusted. His hand comes up to my face and I brace myself. Instead he just grabs my cheek, his other hand leaving his wand and wrapping around my waist. I can feel the heat of his skin through my traveling cloak and it warms up my whole body. My heart flutters in my chest, it’s only because we almost got caught. Yeah that’s it. Not because I’m currently kissing the man I’ve happened to have a crush on since year 4. 

Whoever was calling to us clearly decided it wasn't worth breaking up the apparent happy couple and I can hear them mutter something under their breath as they walk out of sight. 

After a few more long seconds I go to pull away. When I open my eyes, I find his warm brown eyes staring back at me. 

Silence hangs in the air, heavy and full of a spark. My whole face heats up as I’m waiting for him to chew me out. Call me crazy. Say that I’m the biggest idiot ever.

“Finally” He says in a husky voice like silk. He uses the hand that’s on my cheek to pull me back to his lips. I swear my heart stopped altogether at this point. It’s soft and sweet, everything I ever dreamed it would be. Except so much better because I knew it was real, this was really happening. I smile against his lips and pull back. 

“You’re telling me. Now let's go grab whatever was so important that it was worth risking our lives”. 

His hands dropped from my waist and intertwined with my hand. It was at that moment I knew I would do anything to protect this man.

[the-river-person]

Worldbuilding Tangent Part 1

This is gonna be a post where I get sucked down a rabbit hole about the worldbuilding of the Underground. There are a some things I think are worth noticing. I’ve seen a couple fics and comics where people acknowledge the size of the Underground. But I don’t think we’ve really stopped to take a good look at it much, and I want to cause its fun. Please note that these are my own observations from the game and that It’s possible I might interpret what I see in a different way than others. Let’s start with just the Ruins and the city of Home. (plus some mentions of New Home. But its relevant.) We know that the Monsters were sealed away Underground and trekked across the massive cavern to where the Ruins are now, and they made a city called “Home”. The book in Toriel’s home says “Cavern’s” indicating that its a single cavern with the possessive apostrophe on the end instead of multiple caverns. A cavern is defined as a category of cave that is particularly vast and has formed naturally in soluble rock and grows speleothems (Cave formations like flowstone, stalagmites, stalactites, columns, straws, or drapery). I thought this meant there was only one single vast cavern until I came upon “The Glossary of Geology” which said that the word ‘cavern’ could either be used to talk about one single vast cave or a system of caves, chambers, and connected tunnels. This sounds more like what I see in the game, because we know that there seem to be large cave areas separated from one another and connected by tunnels and smaller caves. So we have a series of connected large caves and tunnels. The first of which we see is the Ruins. The ruins are supposed to be a small part of the ancient city of Home, where the monsters lived for a while after being sealed Underground. Why did they eventually decided to move back to the main entrance where they were first sealed? We don’t know for sure, but based on the timing, it might have been due to Chara. We know Chara fell down the same hole as Frisk does at the start of the game, because the flashback cutscene shows this and because Toriel returned Chara’s body there and buried it. Yet we also know that Asriel and Chara left the Underground through the only real entrance and exit available to them without a ridiculous amount of climbing... The one we find in New Home. One possibility is that Asgore built the city of New Home AFTER they died, but this doesn’t work because Asgore tells us that Toriel became disgusted with his actions and “She left this place, never to be seen again.” Since we know the place Toriel ended up was the closed off Ruins, then New Home would have needed to be built sometime before the death of the royal children, but after Chara’s initial fall. (there is the possibility that it was built before that. I have doubts that Asgore and Toriel would be letting little Asriel wander alone through a set of abandoned ruins, but you could make an argument for it depending on various possible circumstances). Anyway, you the player get to see the ruins as you follow Toriel and solve puzzles. And while they’re somewhat sizable, they don’t seem much like an ancient city, more like a couple of old streets, a park, or something like that. Perhaps a set of gardens since it appears to be set outside (will come back to this in a moment). Then we come to an area where we see the actual city of Home, inaccessible to the player. We’re on a balcony, suggesting that the city is at a lower elevation, and that the ruins we’ve been traveling through are much higher up, possibly part of a castle. The city itself is quite big, containing towers and domes and buildings of all kinds, stretching into the distance. Looking at the Ruins themselves, we know that they’re open air (as much as you can be underground). There are piles of leaves everywhere (despite there only being a single tree, suggesting that there are leaf bearing plants growing above or on the walls outside of the player’s line of sight. And beds of flowers grow in various places. Even the occasional pool, stream, or fountain makes its appearance in this area along with all of the puzzles (this stream could be the very source of the River we see later in the game with the River Person in his boat and Ice Wolf sending blocks of ice down to Hotland). Along with the addition of Toriel’s Home, which appears identical to the one in New home in almost every way, we might guess that this area is an upper area of the original Castle (or Royal Palace, whatever word works) and that it was probably an open air garden area for the Royal Family or others near them. Personally I feel like it could be a play area for the young Prince Asriel to practice at puzzling without his parents worrying too much, but I don’t know that there’s much evidence supporting this. Also there’s the more dangerous puzzles involving spikes, which might have been added later, but we’ve no way of knowing for sure (Didn’t Papyrus suggest that spikes were every child’s dream?). Toriel’s Home itself, much like Asgore’s Home at the end of the game, also acts as a guard to the main exit. An exit to the Ruins into the rest of the Underground, and later an exit from the Underground altogether. This sort of thing fits with the whole Boss Monster idea, which in traditional games act as threshold guardians. So in both cities, the King and Queen were overseers of the main door in and out of the city, placed directly in their living quarters. I have to assume that both are part of a much bigger castle because while they appear tiny when we actually play in them, there’s a scene in Waterfall where we get a good glimpse of the city of New Home and there’s definitely a big whopping castle there in the middle. So either Asgore and Toriel just...don’t live in the big castle (why would they build it?) or Asgore’s home is just a small part of the castle, the royal family’s living quarters. And since its identical to Toriel’s home in the ruins, which is elevated above the main city for unstated reasons, I think it might be reasonable to assume that it too is part of a large castle or palace and acts as the royal family’s living quarters apart from rooms where matters of state are dealt with. Though based on the rooms of various levels it could be a training ground, store rooms, or a set of different rooms that make up that level of the castle. The entire area of the Ruins and Home are populated by various small and weak monsters. Some of them being almost feral or wild in nature, while others appear to be there just to hide or make trouble. A Froggit tells us that Toriel was seen coming from the lower city itself with groceries, which makes it more or less certain that some sort of civilization is thriving in the main city itself, with  enough Monsters around for a working community and things like stores you can buy groceries from. Finally the end of the Ruins, reached by going through Toriel’s home and down to a lower level (which would put it back down on the same level as the city of Home and lower than the rest of the Ruins you travel through), is a large pair of doors with the Delta Rune on them. Beyond them is another long tunnel ended not by a door but by pillars and a wide open dark space occupied by Flowey and a patch of grass and bare earth. Most of the Ruins have the purple flooring, like tile or paved stone. Only the first area where you fall down and this area have this... open feeling. I suspect this area might have been a courtyard just outside the main castle doors but before the outer wall. And indeed we find a second set of ornate doors to leave through, entering out into the Snowdin Forest. The very first thing we see there is the doors we came through set in a very large and purple stone wall. We don’t see much of it, but we know that the Ruins are inaccessible to us and the rest of the Underground, so the wall must be either very tall, or might totally seal off the Home area from the rest of the caverns. It is certainly not a natural feature due to its color, the resemblance to the stonework of the rest of the ruins, and the stylized doorway of the same colored stone set in it.

[jawritter]

You and Me...

Chapter 16

***SERIES WARNINGS**** Rape, non-con, male!rape, injury, violence, description of injury caused by rape, nightmares, self-harm, panic attacks, implied female non-con, language, ass hole Jensen, hurt!jensen, dark fic, smut. If there is anything else I will add it as I go.

***Chapter Warnings*** Language, Fighting, Somewhat domestic violence, ANGST!!! So Much Angst!! This one is a heart breaker, you have been warned... I can’t say too much it would give too much away...

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Word Count: 1671

A/N: As always all mistakes are mine! Please do not copy my work!! Feedback is gold! I hope you enjoy this one!

Summary: It’s funny how one choice you made can change your whole life. One mistake can alter your course, and set you on a path that forever will haunt you. Two people find themselves getting through one of the hardest trials of Jensen’s life, on just one small promise. You and Me. We’ll get through it together…

Want more? Check out my masterlist!!

***MASTERLIST***

***YOU AND ME MASTERLIST***

Jensen and yourself had been back in Austin for three days now. Things seemed to be moving in a whirlwind ever since the two of you landed. Jensen's phone never seemed to stop ringing. The word hadn't even got out yet that there was going to be a 16th season. This was literally the beginning of things and people are already driving him crazy.

They always wanting something, his opinion, his advice on something, his demands and wants for the preparation of filming. Always something.

To top it all off, the baby mama drama was getting a little ridiculous. Jensen had to tell Danneel that he was going to be filming again. To say that she was pissed was an understatement. From what you could hear from the other side of the room, you were pretty sure his being gone filming all the time was the root of their marriage problems, and she was still a little bitter, so she wasted no time in throwing his children in his face, along with the amount of time he won't be able to spend with his children.

Once she was done yelling at him about how he was a piss poor excuse for a father for 'abandoning' his kids and going to 'play' in Vancouver again while she stayed home and raised his children, she had hung up in his face.

You had learned, just like you hoped to God Jensen had, that this was just her way when she was irritated. Normally when Danneel would blow up on him like that she usually would call back and apologize in a few days, trying to keep the peace so that the children could still see both their parents without courts getting involved and all that mess. So far they've done a pretty good job at it too. Better than you've seen some couples do and that was even with the fighting.

After that stressful phone call, he was on the phone another hour with the producers discussing possible storyline revival's, characters, actors they could get back,  and actors that couldn't come back right away. When he finally got off the phone for the night you heard him throw it across the room.

"One more fucking phone call tonight, and I swear I'm gonna lose my shit on the person on the other end," you couldn't help but laugh at his use of the “Dean voice” for that particular colorful expression of his frustration.

You were just now getting around to unpacking the bags from your trip to Georgia. Most everything you had brought was put away, and you had moved to Jensen's bag, sorting through clothes, putting them in their separate draws.

"Babe, have you seen my phone charger?" he asked, walking into the bedroom and looking through what part of his bag you haven't started unpacking yet.

You couldn't answer.

You were standing there with your back to him, holding a small zip lock bag that you'd just found in the bottom of his underwear drawer. It had about 6 small blue pills inside of it.

Your blood started to boil.

Has he been using your back? What the fuck were these?

"Jensen... What the fuck is this?" you asked, turning slowly, holding the bag up so that he could see it.

His face momentarily turned a little paler. Then he got angry, closing the distance between you and jerking the pills out of your hand roughly.

"Its none of your fucking concern is what it is," he said, turning away from you, and marching toward the door.

Your head told you to just let it go, but your mouth thought otherwise.

"Excuse me?"

The words slipping from your mouth before you could stop them.

He stopped dead in his tracks, turning around to glare at you. "I said, it's none of your fucking concern," 

He crossed the floor in a few short strides to where you were still standing next to the dresser, and was now towering over you.

"None of my concern," you say, nodding your head. Your blood felt like it was boiling, you were so angry. You knew you should have just let it drop, but for some reason, you just couldn’t stop.

"All this time, Jensen, I thought you were getting better you were just stoned," you say looking him dead in the face.

"I am getting better. You haven't been through what I've been through. You don't understand, so just drop it before we both say something we'll regret.” 

He was really close to you, towering over you. His voice was deep and angry.

"So what Jensen? Every time we've had sex this past week... you had to get fucked up to do it?" you spat out before you could stop yourself.

Pent up stress was taking itself out for a stroll at the world's worst time. Yeah, Jensen had been through hell, but the stress on you hadn't been exactly nonexcitant either. You had been right there with him through this whole ordeal, even agreed to move in with him so he could recover at home, agreed to be in a relationship with him, even though you knew he was still recovering. Right now you just felt betrayed.

Jensen's face turned red with anger, his pupils dilated with adrenaline...

Suddenly, without any sort of warning, he shoves you hard in the chest, knocking you flat on your back.

You just laid there for a moment in complete shock, until the shock started to fade, and your heart shattering on the ground around you.

You never thought Jensen would put his hands on you like that.  You had pushed too hard, you knew that. Still, you never thought he would put his hands on you to harm you in any way. The aching in your chest where your heart used to be hurt way more than the bruise that was sure to be forming on your back.

Jensen was still standing in front of you, but you couldn't look at him.

You didn't realize you were crying until you saw a tear fall on your hand. You wiped your face, but it didn't stop the constant flow that was streaming down your face now as you slowly sat up on the floor.

"Y/N, I... I'm so.. so sorry.... I didn't mean to do that." 

He sounded panicked, but you couldn't think straight at that moment. Hell, you couldn’t even look at him.

Your mind was no longer working right. It was like nothing made sense at that moment, and all ability for rational thought flew right out the door.  All you could see was the look of pure, white hot anger on his face when he shoved you. Your mind playing it over and over again in your head.

He reached his hand out to you, but you shoved it back hard, sidestepping him you grabbed your bag that was on the bed and started shoving your clothes into it; blinding tears falling. Your heart felt like at any moment it was just gonna give up beating altogether.

You loved Jensen. You loved him more than your own life. You'd given up everything for him. You were getting ready to travel across the god damn country so that you could be with him while he was filming.

All those nights you sat up and held his hand while he was very sick from the panic attacks and the nightmares...for what? Was that how he wanted to repay you?

You had only jumped on him about the pills just now because you loved him, and were concerned that he was causing himself more problems than he was helping by using what looked like some sort of drugs as a crutch.

"Baby... No.. No, you can't do that... Please I'm sorry. They're just Xanax. I was taking them to help me to sleep right when I got out of the hospital. The nightmares were too bad. The panic attacks were taking over to the point I couldn't even get out of the house... Baby, please stop.... I'll never do that again, please."

He was talking fast, trying to stop you from putting more of your things into your bag. You jerked your bag away from him and threw it over your shoulders. You didn't really register anything that he was saying to you. Your mind and heart were stuck on what he'd just done.

"I'm going to Alex's house. We need some time apart," you tell him and turn away from him, heading toward the front door with him following close behind you.

"Y/N PLEASE DON'T' DO THIS! PLEASE I'M SORRY! I LOVE YOU, BABY. I NEVER WANTED TO HURT YOU! I DIDN’T DO THAT ON PURPOSE, IT JUST HAPPENED BEFORE I COULD STOP IT!!!" 

He was completely panicked, trying to grab you and stop the whole way to the door, but you just kept shoving him off.

Part of you knew he was panicking, and that he didn’t mean it when he shoved you. You almost stayed. You almost turned around. Part of you said this was not helping his recovery process. You knew that he would have bad days and that this was a bad day, that he didn't mean to lose control. It was your own fault, you should have just let him walk away and cool off. You had just pushed his buttons.

Then there was the hurt part of you that said he just didn't want to be by himself so he wanted you to stay, but really he doesn't give a damn about you, and this is proof.

You slammed the door in his face and walked to the car, he jerked the door open and ran after you, calling for you, but you just got into the car without a word, starting the car you began to back down the driveway, and onto the road.

He followed the car out into the middle of the road, begging you to come back.

You blocked it out.

When you looked in the rearview mirror the last thing you saw was him on his knees in the middle of the road with his hair in his hands.

Screaming...

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[writethehousedown]

Things Are Really Cool (In Nazareth) (Ninex)- Ortega

a/n: wow hi, welcome to whatever the hell this is? this is a sort of a kind of a n19f verse/masp verse crossover set some years after the originals take place (but you don’t need to have read either to read this), borne out of the semi-autobiographical experience of my last few weeks at work trying to teach five year olds mid-pandemic. basically Nina’s a stressed primary teacher and Monet is her primary teacher girlfriend. this is fulfilling the prompt “Nice” only ten days late and also probably has one million and one typos in my haste to get it out in time for at least Christmas xo regardless, i hope u all enjoy and in the words of boyband JLS, “mewwy cwistmas”.

disclaimer: there are a couple of lines i’ve yoinked out of tv shows here- “lesbian having a panic attack” is adapted from Kimmy Schmidt and the “what are you, forty?” ones are from Always Sunny. leave me alone i’m too tired to be funny at this time of year xo

fic summary: When Nina’s headteacher asks her to pull a Nativity play out of thin air with only a week to organise it, Nina is simply too nice to say no. As a consequence, she is blindly oblivious to what her girlfriend Monet is planning, with useless lesbian results.

Nina knew she was a people pleaser. Always had been, always would be. She was simply too nice to say no to anyone. She had never been one to say no to anything.

She’d never taken the last remaining teabag for herself way back at uni; she’d always elected to leave it for Brooke or Yvie, knowing that Brooke would be grumpy all day if she didn’t have her morning cup of tea and not wanting to deal with the caffeine crash Yvie would experience if she made coffee as a substitute.

It had even started way further back in her life than her twenties. The most rebellious thing she’d ever done in high school was to pull out one of the cables of her German teacher’s computer at the back so she’d spend the whole lesson fixing it instead of teaching their class. In Primary, she was the stereotypical, insufferable goody-two-shoes: didn’t ever lose a minute of Golden Time, finished both her set tasks and the extension work that accompanied them perfectly, and was the worst kind of tell-tale.

(At the time, she thought her teachers loved that- the fact that she acted as their five-year-old corporate spy, ready to report any wrongdoings to headquarters. Contrarily, now that she was a teacher to five year olds, Nina thought that if she heard one more story about who skipped who in the line she would climb very slowly and very carefully into the staffroom microwave and blow herself into fifty million partially-heated bits.)

So when her headteacher ducked her head into her classroom on a cold, wet, rainy Wednesday after all the kids had been dispatched home, Nina panicked. Her eyes darted up to the displays on her walls. Fuck, there were still Halloween pumpkins blu-tacked up there. There was, so far, nothing on her December learning journey wall. And there were still Very Hungry Caterpillars made from bottle tops pushed into dollops of paint stuck to bright green backing paper which had been there since the kids’ first week at school back in August.

Well. Red and green were Christmassy colours. Right?

But Mrs Del Rio didn’t seem all that interested in the state of her wall displays. She’d come to ask Nina if she could film a Nativity play with her class.

“It’s for the parents really,” Bianca had rolled her eyes, folding her arms in her usual no-nonsense way. “Just something they can watch and share with the families since we can’t do a real Nativity. It doesn’t need to be anything big- just a few songs…one, two…say four. And then just have the kids in their costumes with a couple of lines. With a backdrop, y’know, there doesn’t need to be props. Just the baby Jesus…the gifts for the three Kings….maybe a couple of no vacancy signs for the innkeepers…that sort of thing. Just for before we finish up term. Maybe if it could be done by next Friday. That okay?”

And Nina, because she was a people pleaser, had nodded and said yes! and of course! and Bianca had nodded curtly at her in the frostiest thank-you the world had ever seen before leaving.

It had only taken the time in which Bianca’s heels had slowly disappeared from hearing distance for the reality of the situation to sink in for Nina. She’d just agreed to do a whole Nativity play, with songs, and costumes, and props, in the space of eight days.

She was going to be sick like little Jack had done that day he’d come into class and projectile-vomited halfway onto the carpet and halfway into Nina’s outstretched hands.

Nina was so consumed by the all-encompassing panic that she didn’t even flinch when there was a loud, jaunty knock at her classroom door.

“High Court Enforcement,” came a loud, brash voice, Nina finally turning to see who was there with glazed eyes. Willam leant against the doorframe, her messy blonde waves falling over the shoulders of her dark blue jumper like curly vines. She was the only teacher who could match the sass levels of the Year 6s and was a colleague that Nina both loved and feared. Loved because she was straight-talking and blunt and altogether hilarious, but feared because her girlfriend was the deputy head of the school and anything Nina said to her would definitely be reported back as gossip.

Also because she was, for all intents and purposes, a pint-pot riot.

“Nina. Nina. Nina,” Willam said repeatedly, her voice monotone and her persistence irritating. Nina mumbled something out.

“What?”

Nina raked her hands through her shock of frizzy blonde curls and sighed, her stress levels already rising. “I said I’m a lesbian having a panic attack.”

“Oh, that’s a mood. I was sent round to do the collection for the support staff but I’ve already spent forty minutes chatting to Alyssa instead of doing what I was asked. Got a grand total of a fiver so far,” Willam shrugged blithely, coming into Nina’s classroom and perching on one of the tiny munchkin-sized tables. “What’s up?”

The pressure-cooker that her mind was rapidly becoming told Nina to throw caution to the wind and vent, so she told Willam everything in a series of babbles barely comprehensible in the English language.

“So you’ve just agreed to doing a full Nativity video in the space of a week?” Willam cocked her head, pulling a confused face. “Why didn’t you just tell Bianca to fuck off?”

Nina paused, feeling all her panic momentarily leave her body as she fixed Willam with a glare. “Are you expecting me to answer that?”

“No, no. Shit, wouldn’t it have been amazing if you had, though? What d’you think would’ve happened? Maybe she’d’ve shouted so loud at you her lungs would’ve just exploded.”

Nina couldn’t help but blurt out a small laugh. “That’s way too dramatic. She wouldn’t even fire me on the spot because that would mean management having to go in and cover my class tomorrow while they tried to find my replacement.”

Nina regretted the small barb at their management team as soon as it was out, but Willam seemed nonplussed.

“Yeah. Court’s way too impatient to deal with your lil’ rugrats.”

“I’m too impatient to deal with them. I’m too impatient to deal with them on a day to day basis. How I’m going to teach them four Christmas songs in the space of a week, fuck knows.”

Willam cocked her head again, her smile becoming patient. “Well if anyone can do it, it’s you.”

Willam’s words were a small source of comfort to Nina. Suddenly everything seemed doable. She matched her colleague’s smile, glad she’d arrived in that moment. “Thanks, Willam.”

As soon as her words were out, she saw the small, playful twinkle in Willam’s eye. “Because nobody else would’ve been mad enough to agree to the damn thing.”

***

Getting her class sorted and organised for the day couldn’t really be likened to herding cats. No, this process was far more chaotic than that. At half past nine each day what could only be described as a minor tsunami of children hit Nina’s classroom: throwing their jackets into the designated tubs with wild abandon and subsequently knocking anything and everything off her adjacent desk, unloading every possible snack in their lunchboxes into their trays and Nina’s pleas for them to only take one snack out falling on deaf ears, spilling their water bottles and getting the zips on their jackets stuck and wanting to tell Nina a billion and one things that seemed to have happened in the 18 hours they had spent outwith her care.

During the month of December this chaos only intensified. Hats, scarves and gloves littered the classroom floor as they fell off the kids like baubles off a dead Christmas tree, shrieks filled the air as they discovered a new chocolate in the advent calendar, and at least half the class surrounded Nina like festive zombies as they all battled to win the competition of “Who can tell Miss West about what their elf on the shelf had got up to overnight the loudest”.  

Nina hammered the little bell she kept on her desk with the palm of her hand, stress levels already rising. “Okay, Reception! Jackets in tubs, snacks in trays and bums on carpet!”

As her class giggled about their teacher’s use of the word “bum”, Nina sat down in her wheely chair and waited for them all to join her on the little strip of carpet in front of her smartboard. It was moments like these where she’d be hit with a sort of out of body experience; she was someone’s teacher, she was this class’ first teacher. She was sitting in front of her class waiting to take the register and start their day. It was slightly overwhelming, even though she’d been doing the job for a number of years now.

Eventually her kids were all organised and she’d taken the register and made sure they all had a lunch to eat that day. Nina made sure to put on her best excited face as she prepared to tell them about the Nativity.

“Right, Reception!” she said, injecting lots of mystery into her voice like a storyteller. “I have got some very exciting news for you all today!”

Their little faces all grew equally excited as they were expectant, and Nina’s heart almost popped. Just then, Harry, a boy with enough gel in his hair to single-handedly keep Brylcreem in business for a year and huge bottle-top glasses’ hand went up.

“Yes, Harry?”

The boy bounced on the carpet, incredibly eager. “Can I tell you what my elf did last night?”

Ten more hands immediately shot up, and Nina’s heart sank. Great.

But she was still teaching four and five year olds and this was truly the most important thing in their little lives, so she fixed a bright smile on her face and tilted her head inquisitively. “What did your elf do?”

Harry was now sitting on his knees, towering over the other children and threatening to knock himself over with every passing second as he swayed in the nonexistent breeze. “He did a poop in my Dad’s shoes!”

The rest of the class shrieked with laughter in response. Internally, Nina was rapidly reaching her wit’s end. Love it. A bit of toilet humour to start off the Nativity rehearsals. Great. Exactly what’s needed. “Oh my goodness! What a cheeky elf!”

“He did three poops! And you know what else? They were cola jellybeans! I ate them!”

Sophie, a girl with long ginger hair in a low ponytail and a gap in her smile where two baby teeth once lived, gasped in horror. “You ate the elf’s poop?!”

The rest of the class fell about laughing. Nina had to get control back of the situation.

“Well thank you very much for sharing, Harry! Okay everyone, let’s pop our hands down.”

There were still ten hands waving proudly in the air like rebellious flags.

“We can do more elf stories at the end of the day if there’s time!” Nina lied. There would not be time. There was never time. But it placated most of her class enough for them to follow the instruction. There was, however, one remaining hand up which belonged to Jason, a boy with hair so platinum blonde it seemed otherworldly.

“It’s not an elf story! I’ve got a question,” he insisted, shouting out despite the fact his hand was already up. Nina relented, just in case he did have something important to ask. Maybe he was about to pee himself. Highly likely with the Reception kids.

Jason, pleased as punch that Nina was allowing him to speak, put his hand down. “Can I tell you a rhyming word I’ve just thought of?”

Nina’s smile grew all the more gritted, and the muscles in her face all the more tense. This was going to be the longest week she had experienced in living memory.

***

Nina would never get tired of living with Monet. The sound of her singing as the shower provided a backing track, the unholy racket she seemed to make when she cooked (a symphony of swearing, the banging of kitchen utensils, and the clattering of saucepans and baking trays). The smell of the Dior Sauvage she used instead of perfume and the Cantu hair custard she combed through her hair after she washed it. The fact that Nina could get a cuddle from her any time she wanted and the soft squash of her arms around her.

But living with Monet was best at Christmastime. The endless arguments they got into about their Christmas decorations and what looked best where, both stemming from a fierce loyalty to their own family traditions. The way they’d write their Christmas cards to their friends with a Christmas film playing in the background, and the way Monet would tease her about having such picture-perfect, font-like, primary-teacher handwriting. The way Monet would get too excited in the supermarket and load party food into Nina’s shopping basket like a child trying to sneak chocolate.

Even though Nina was completely exhausted, she still felt herself smile as she turned her key in the lock and heard her girlfriend loudly singing along with Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree, paired with the blast of the extractor fan.

“Hello?” Nina sing-songed as she closed the door shut, shedding her heavy jacket and her scuffed trainers and her backpack full of jotters that had been haphazardly stuffed in as she left work.

“Hello!” Monet chirped back, in what had become their tradition since moving in together all those years ago. “Your timing’s perfect, I just finished dinner.”

“Ooh. What is for dinner?”

Monet gestured to the pile of grated cheese, pan of bubbling baked beans, and loaf of white bread. “Beans on toast.”

Nina snorted and leaned against the counter. “Wow, don’t I have the most perfect domestic housewife! That must’ve taken, what…two hours?”

Monet reached over and squeezed her side, eliciting a yelp that would probably give their downstairs neighbours the wrong idea. “Shady bitch. It’s this or two rice cakes that’ve been in the cupboard for so long I swear they’re turning fossilised.”

“No, I’m kidding. Of course I’m hungry, thanks hun. I’ll make dinner tomorrow,” Nina promised, sliding into one of their second-hand wooden dining chairs as Monet plated up.

“No you won’t,” Monet frowned. “You look dead. What’re your kids doing to you, beating you with their tiny little chairs?”

“The fucking Nativity,” Nina sighed, pausing to thank Monet as she placed two slices of golden toast covered with beans and flakes of grated cheese down in front of her. Admittedly it did look like absolute heaven.

“Have you told Bianca to piss off yet?” Monet scowled, stabbing her toast so hard she threatened to break the plate in two.

“What kind of fantasy-land school do you work at where you can tell your headteacher to piss off and she actually listens?” Nina cocked an eyebrow at her, and Monet shrugged in agreement as she chewed a mouthful. “No, of course not. I’m going to make it happen, though, even if it kills me. We started learning the songs today, which you would think was a simple enough endeavour. Except my class, who usually can’t shut up if their lives depend on it, have all the singing volume and skill of one of Yvie and Scarlet’s cat’s chew toys. They don’t even sound like cats being strangled, that’d probably be louder. It’s like trying to have a sing-song with a room full of laryngitis patients. Except it’s not a room, because apparently we’re not allowed to sing inside because of covid. But I can teach Phonics and the kids can all make the ‘p’ sound at me until their hearts’ content and shower me with their spit like the world’s shittiest production of Singin’ In The Rain? Anyway, we have to rehearse outside. In December. I think my feet actually fell off.”

As Nina finally finished what had unintentionally become a fully-fledged rant, Monet attempted to compose herself as she wiped away a small tear of laughter from her eye and clutched at her belly. Nina watched as her girlfriend took a few deep breaths, then fixed her with a humoured grin. “But apart from all that, how was your day?”

Nina stuck her tongue out at her in response. “Shut up. How was yours?”

Monet rolled her eyes as she speared a bean. “Awful. Tried to assess time with my class today. God I love them, Neens, but they’re so bad, how can they be that bad?”

“If anyone can help them progress, it’s you,” Nina smiled encouragingly, only getting a shaken head in reply.

“No, I can’t. Nobody can. They’re beyond help. Some of the answers I got today wouldn’t even be believable if they were part of some TV comedy show. What month is Christmas in? ‘Santa’. The kid answered Santa. How many months are there in a year? ‘Sixty six’. How many days are there in a week? ‘Two’. TWO!” Monet cried, outraged. Nina couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled up in her throat, and Monet pointed warningly at her in response. “Don’t you dare laugh. This is my reality.”

“Hey, you laughed at my Nativity nightmare!” Nina giggled, to which Monet chuckled guiltily. Nina paused to swipe a bit of toast around the plate with her fork, mopping up any stray tomato sauce. When she looked up from her plate, she saw Monet tapping at her phone. Nina frowned disapprovingly. “Hey. No phones at the table.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Monet apologised quickly, though didn’t put her phone down yet. “Monique’s just sent me a screenshot of her friend that’s getting engaged. Look at the damn size of this ring.”

Monet turned her phone to show Nina. Pictured was a diamond the size of a small Pacific nation and a band encrusted with tiny gems on the finger of somebody she’d never met. Nina couldn’t help the way she screwed her face up, which made Monet blurt a laugh in response. “Not a fan, then?”

Nina pulled a face in thought. She was sure that kind of ring made some girls happy, but to her it just seemed tacky and over-the-top, not to mention heavy. “I’m sure she likes it, but I wouldn’t want something that huge. Imagine working in a Reception class with that?! Play-dough stuck in all the little crevices. And Jesus, what if you lost it? Nah, it would stress me out owning that. I would just want one simple little gold band and one singular tiny diamond. Much less of a burden.”

Monet snorted a laugh as she finished her last mouthful of dinner. “You are the only girl I’ve ever met that would consider an engagement ring a burden. Christ on a crucifix.”

“Well!” Nina protested, before realising she didn’t really have anything else to defend herself with. Then, she narrowed her eyes at her girlfriend playfully, kicking her under the table. “Why’re you so interested in my engagement ring opinions, anyway? You asking?”

Monet chuckled as she put her phone face-down on the table. “Bold of you to assume I can afford council tax, never mind a diamond.”

Nina smiled, shrugging in agreement. “Yeah, fair. What should we do tonight? I have Maths jotters to mark but then that’s me done.”

Monet tilted her head, her expression thoughtful. “I would say fucking our shit days out but I don’t even have the energy to operate a vibrator.”

Nina almost choked on her food as she laughed. “Christ, that’s a mood. Finish dinner, pyjamas, rewatch The Office for the ninety billionth time then bed at 7pm?”

“Sounds good, babe,” Monet smiled, lifting her glass of water up to cheers with as if it was sparkling wine.

***

“Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way! Oh McFun it is to ride in a waffle sofen sleigh, HEY! Jingle bells, Jin-”

“Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah,” Nina cut in, waving her hands frantically and stopping the twenty-three five and four year olds that had previously been singing their little kidney bean-sized lungs out. “What are the words?”

Her class stared back at her as if she’d just asked her what twenty-eight times thirteen was. Although Jeremiah, who was already working at Year 5 level, could probably have worked that out given enough time.

“Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh,” Nina said, rhythmically and clearly. “You try.”

The children all parroted it back to her in their little voices, word-perfect. Thank God, thought Nina. Jingle Bells seemed to be the only song they recognised, so if they turned out to not know it after all then Nina would very probably need an inhaler despite the fact she wasn’t at all asthmatic.

“Let’s try it with the music!” Nina said cheerfully, making sure the bluetooth speaker she’d brought outside was still on.

“Miss West,” a small voice piped up belonging to Amber, the human embodiment of a whine. “I’m cold!”

“We’ll get inside soon!” Nina replied patiently. “Just let’s practise it one more time!”

“I’m cold too,” piped up Joshua, Amber’s male counterpart.

“I’m freezing,” Amber offered again.

“I know, it’s very cold outside!” Nina smiled sympathetically, even though her teeth were gritted. “But we can’t do our singing inside because of the virus!”

“Why not?” Amber pouted.

Nina didn’t really know. The answer was because of the care inspectorate guidelines, but that was incredibly far beyond the realms of a five-year-old’s comprehension. Just then, an idea struck her.

“Well we need to sing our songs outside so that Santa can hear them when he’s taking his sleigh out for a test drive!” she said animatedly. The wide eyes and ohhhh-s she received in reply made her feel like a genius. Move over, Steven Hawking. “Okay, one more time with Jingle Bells. Nice and loud for Santa!”

“Miss West?”

Nina blinked slowly and heavily, taking a small breath before answering the newest child that demanded her attention. “Yes, Sophie?”

“I’m cold.”

“I’m cold!! We’re all cold!!” Nina replied quickly, just that shade away from snapping so that her class knew she meant business. “We’re doing the song one more time and then we’re going inside! So nice big smiles, nice loud voices, and here…we…go!”

Nina pressed play on the song before any more children could regale her with tales of how their body temperatures had dropped to that of a snowman’s.

“Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!” they all enthusiastically sang. “Oh McFun it is to ride in a waffle sofen sleigh!”

Nina rubbed so hard at her tired eyes that she thought they might disappear into her skull. She was momentarily glad of the fact that she didn’t have a teaching assistant to help her, as to have any other adult witness this would be embarrassing in the extreme.

Just then she noticed around five parents queued up at the nursery adjacent to the playground, watching with wry smiles on their faces as they waited for their children.

“One more time!” Nina cried, as she stopped the music with freezing cold hands.

***

“So Nina, when you gonna wife your girlfriend?”

Nina very nearly spat out her tea, a horrifying milky brown hurricane only just avoided. She hadn’t been expecting to answer deep, meaningful life questions in the staffroom during a lunch hour, but Willam was the human incarnation of petrol on a campfire and with her around things were always in danger of going from zero to a hundred very quickly. To Nina’s relief Courtney was also in the staffroom, and she whipped around from the countertop and gave her girlfriend daggers.

“Willam!” Courtney chastised her in a hiss that Nina wasn’t quite sure was meant to be audible. Willam only gave her an incredulous glare, affronted that she seemed to be the voice of reason in the conversational chaos.

“What?! Just askin’. I mean you’re what…twenty-nine? Twenty eight?”

“Twenty-six,” Nina replied. She was now at the age where being assumed she was older than she was was a curse, not a blessing. (If she’d told seventeen-year-old Nina that one day she would be disappointed at no longer being ID’d for wine at Sainsburys she’d have laughed in her face.)

“Exactly. That’s wifeing age. Mid to late twenties.”

“Hey, I passed that stage long ago, where the hell’s my ring?“ Courtney asked Willam, stirring the coffee she’d poured into one of the many, many “World’s Best Teacher!” mugs that littered the staffroom cupboards. Willam responded by turning around in her chair and positioning her pencil skirt-clad ass in the air.

“Right here, bitch!”

“Christ Almighty,” Courtney turned away from her, rolling her eyes so hard they looked like little spheric dice. As Willam gave her best impression of a seal on laughing gas, Nina cast her eyes over to Sasha who was sitting at the other end of the staffroom. As they caught each others’ eyes they shared a long-suffering smile that mourned the death of peace and quiet.

Nina was glad the conversation had been diverted from the subject of her perceived lack of marriage plans. Until Sasha opened her mouth, that is.

“I wouldn’t worry, Nina. Me and Shea haven’t had that conversation either. I mean we’d both love to, but there’s more important stuff for us right now, you know? We’re saving for a house and I think we’d rather live in a place we’ve chosen for the foreseeable future than just having one singular big lavish day.”

“It’s all about what you want to do with the person you love the most, isn’t it? Not just doing what society wants you to do,” Courtney chipped in, her voice warm and kind. “Like me and Willam used to be total party girls before we got our shit together. And now, like…there’s nothing I’d rather do of a weekend than curl up with her on the sofa and get all cosy with a film and a blanket and a cup of tea.”

Willam scoffed affectionately. “That’s your ideal weekend plan? What are you, forty?”

“Yes? As are you?” Courtney replied incredulously. Nina heard Sasha snort in her chair. As she turned her gaze back to the other two girls she realised that Willam was still looking at her expectantly. Nina sank back into her seat, a little reserved.

“It’s not really something we’ve spoken about? Well…no, we have spoken about it, obviously,” she babbled, watching as Willam took on the look of someone witnessing a victim of cardiac arrest. “Like we both want to get married. To each other, of course. But teaching is just such a busy job all the time and…you know, we only bought our flat last Summer and…I don’t know, it’s nice not to have everything happen all at once, right?”

Courtney nodded emphatically in agreement. “Of course! And I mean, if she asked, you’d say yes, right?”

Nina had to stop herself from pulling a face. How am I having this conversation with my boss? “Well, yeah. God, I couldn’t imagine life without her at all.”

Willam pretended to gag, which Nina thought was pretty rich from the woman who had begun the entire conversation. Courtney seemed to pick up on her girlfriend’s distaste.

“I don’t think Willam has ever said anything that cute about me!”

Willam turned around to look at her girlfriend, disbelief on her face. “Yeah, I only left my damn husband for you. Fuck me, right?”

Nina’s eyes widened as Sasha gave a yelp from across the staffroom. That was a small piece of workplace gossip she hadn’t expected to learn today. As Courtney’s face turned red and she shot Willam a warning glare, she turned to Nina once more.

“Nina, how’s the Nativity going?” Courtney beamed artificially at her, moving the conversation along with all the grace and decorum of a one-wheeled snow plow.

Considering the question, Nina thought that she’d rather be discussing marriage plans with her boss and colleagues again. “It’s going.”

“That’s a ringing endorsement. I’m sure that was on the poster of Titanic too,” Willam chipped in.

“It wouldn’t be any less disastrous than the actual fate of the Titanic, at least the passengers could’ve probably remembered the words to fucking Jingle Bells,” Nina deadpanned, causing Willam to break into fits of clubbed seal laughter.

Sasha pouted sympathetically from the other side of the room. “It’s those cute bits that the parents love, though, isn’t it? They won’t mind if they get the words wrong.”

“I’m sure there needs to be a foundation of at least an audible tune though, Sash,” Nina smiled resignedly back at her.

“If Bianca wants a Nativity so bad, just tell her to come teach your class,” Willam half-suggested, half-yelled. “Or get Court to teach them! They prolly don’t need to be in tune anyway!”

Courtney’s expression appeared to be the same as Nina’s after her morning’s rehearsal. “Do you ever stop talking shit?”

“You think I’m bad? That bell is going to go for the Comp’s lunch break in five minutes, Bob is gonna arrive, an’ then it’s RIP our eardrums,” Willam said, pointing to the staffroom door for dramatic effect.

“At least Bob has never presented his clothed arsehole to his partner in front of his colleagues,” Courtney cut in at once, her tone deadpan and making Nina splutter a laugh.

“Aw, c’mon Court! That’s just banter. These girls don’t mind.”

“It’s unprofessional!” Courtney clutched her chest. Willam only snorted in response.

“Unprofessional? What are you, forty?”

“We’re the same age!!” Courtney cried in response, her incredulous tone only setting Nina off in a further fit of laughter.

It was only later on that night once she had driven back home, parked, and approached her and Monet’s flat that Nina remembered the staffroom conversation. She cast her gaze up to their first-floor window in their red brick building, almost being able to feel the way her heart gave a swell at the sight of their Christmas tree framed proudly within the glass. And as she got in through the front door, Monet greeted her with a hug and a takeaway leaflet.

“We’ve got nothing in the fridge, so I thought we could get noodles? This came through the door today and I think-” Monet raises her eyebrows, slapped the leaflet into the palm of her hand decisively. “- it’s a sign from God.”

“Well, when you put it like that,” Nina laughed, shrugging off her coat and feeling grateful for not having to cook.

It was only when they were both curled up on the couch, empty pad thai containers in front of them, that Nina turned to Monet and saw the lights on the tree reflected in her eyes. She turned to her girlfriend, threw an arm round her and snuggled in to her side.

“What’s up?” Monet asked, her voice soft and sleepy and a little concerned.

“Nothing,” Nina sighed. It was true. There wasn’t really anything up, and she was the happiest she’d ever been. But she still turned to Monet, tilting her head up inquisitively. “You don’t feel under any pressure at all, do you?”

Monet snorted. “I feel under pressure to get fifteen children who can’t write the word cat on their own to magically be able to write a sentence by the end of the year, yeah.”

Nina rolled her eyes. “No! I mean, like…in life. You didn’t just…buy this flat with me because you felt you had to, right? You wouldn’t do anything because you felt obliged to?”

Monet raised a single eyebrow back at her. “Yeah, I decided to piss my life savings away on a deposit for a flat because I felt I had to. Jesus Christ, Neens.”

“No, no, I know,” Nina chuckled, realising how silly the whole thing now sounded. “But I just mean…in life, like milestones and stuff. You’d never do stuff because you felt you had to keep up, in some way? Reach some goal by a certain age?”

Monet brought an arm around Nina and cuddled her closer, kissing her hair and resting her chin on top of her head. “Everything I do in life, I do because I want to. Especially when it comes to you. Promise.”

Nina gave her girlfriend a squeeze, happy. She took a deep breath, smelt the fabric softener on Monet’s jumper that they both used but just seemed to smell better and feel softer on everything Monet wore.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

***

Nina sat in a child-sized chair with her knees practically up to her chest, a crumpled, printed-out script on her lap that she’d hastily typed up on her work iPad’s notes app the following evening. Her class sat behind her in costumes pulled on over their school uniforms, with books and pens and pieces of paper with botched photocopying on the back under strict instructions not to talk until the whole thing was filmed.

“Okay, Amber!” she smiled breezily at the small girl whose school blouse was sticking out under her angel costume. “You’re kicking off the video. So your line is two thousand years ago, an angel came to a woman called Mary. Practise it for me?”

Amber gripped the hem of her taffeta skirt in two tiny white-knucked fists. “I don’t want to.”

Nina bit her lip. Great start. Fantastic. “We can give it a try together?”

Reluctantly, Amber parroted the words in tandem with her. So far so good.

“Okay. Now do you want to go up against the backdrop and I can film you doing it?”

Amber’s ponytail full of flyaways swung wildly as she shook her head. Nina thought for a moment. Then her eyes came to rest on Hazel- the class’ Mary and, coincidentally, Amber’s best friend.

“What about if Hazel stands with you?”

That seemed to change things and, only slightly hesitantly, both girls got up in front of the hastily staple-gunned silver tinsel.

“Okay Amber. Two thousand years ago, an angel came to a woman called Mary. Ready?”

A nod in reply.

“Go!”

Amber took a deep, shaky breath in. “Two thousand years ago….a woman called Mary.”

Nina stopped filming, fixed the girl with a kind smile. “An angel came to a woman called Mary. Try again?”

The iPad was back in filming mode, and Amber went again. “Two thousand years ago, a…a…a little cute angel came to Mary.”

Nina stopped filming, fixed Amber with two thumbs up. That’ll do.

Things seemed to be going well as Hazel and Oliver (or, Mary and Angel Gabriel) got through their lines without too many bumps in the road. Then, it was time for Amber to take to the stage (or blue curtain with a tinsel border) once more.

“Okay Amber, so your line this time is…Mary told her husband Joseph. Want to practise?”

“Mary told her husband Joseph,” Amber repeated, with all the enthusiasm of a patient about to undergo a colonoscopy. With two days til the deadline, this would have to suffice.

“Perfect! Ready? Three…two…one…go!” Nina smiled encouragingly, as she hit record.

Amber stood beside Mary and Joseph, a little grin on her own face. “Mary told her husband Joyce.”

“…Joseph,” Nina reminded her. Where the fuck had Joyce come from? She hit record again.

“Three…two…one…go!”

“Mary told her husband Joyce.”

Nina couldn’t stop herself from bursting out laughing. “Joseph, Amber!”

The little girl nodded earnestly. “Joseph Amber.”

Nina spluttered. “No…Amber is your name. Joseph is Mary’s husband.”

“Ohhhhhh.”

Nina shook her head, amused. This was what she loved about teaching. None of the other girls working from home could say that they got to spend their day feeling like they were stuck in an episode of You’ve Been Framed.

“Go again. Mary told her husband Joseph. Three…two…one…”

“Mary told…em…um…I can’t remember,” Amber giggled. Nina could feel her own giggles bubbling up inside herself, but she had to stop otherwise it would set her whole class off.

“Mary told her husband Joseph,” Nina repeated, both Amber and Hazel now giggling to each other. “Shh shh! Okay…three…two…one…”

Amber composed herself, took a deep breath. “Mary told her husband Joyce.”

Christ Alive. Nina gasped incredulously, unable to help herself from laughing now. The whole class, Amber herself, and Nina was pretty sure God, were all doing the same. She put her head in her hands, her whole body now shaking with laughter. “Joseph!!”

She already couldn’t wait to tell everybody she knew this story. Not least so she could cement in her mind that it was something that actually happened to her, and not just simply the script of a comedy show she’d dreamed up. Miraculously, mercifully, she managed to get the rest of her class settled down and for Amber to say the correct line on film, even if Nina could be faintly heard frantically mouthing “Joseph!” in the background.

Eventually they reached the innkeepers. Easy enough, in theory.

“Okay, Carter,” Nina smiled encouragingly at the first innkeeper. “When Mary and Joseph ask for a room, you say ‘no, sorry!’. Okay?”

Carter nodded, half a finger stuck up his nose. Nina gestured to him to put his hands down, then began filming. As directed, Mary and Joseph asked if there was any room at the inn.

“YES,” the little boy shouted. The whole class burst out laughing. Nina did not.

Just then, Willam walked past the open door with her class. She gave her a look of inquisition, shooting her a tentative, questioning thumbs up.

Nina put her head in her hands in reply.

***

By some miracle of nature (although it could also have been Nina giving up on work that afternoon) Nina had made it back to the flat before five o’clock. This never happened- five pm was usually the time she left work, but a day full of recording Nativity clips and then putting them together on iMovie while her class played (read; caused havoc) had been tiring and she needed Monet, chocolate, and Merlot.

Only the first thing she heard when she opened the door to her flat wasn’t Monet singing, or the hum of the extractor fan. It was the grainy crackle of a Zoom call and an incredibly distinctive voice.

“So when you doin’ it? Do it tonight. Do it when she gets home from work.”

Monet’s voice- humoured, long-suffering. “I’m not doing it then, Vanj, she’ll be exhausted.”

“That was honestly your best suggestion? When she gets home from work?” Brooke’s voice. “Aren’t you the pinnacle of romance!”

Nina had realised that Monet was on a Zoom call with all the girls, from the way Vanessa had obviously kissed Brooke on camera was being met with half a dozen cries in protest from the others. She excitedly shrugged off her coat and unwrapped herself from her scarf, eager to see her friends again. Part of her was intrigued, though. Why were they all calling each other without her?

“My question is how you’re going to do it,” Akeria’s voice came, as questioning as always. “It needs to be good but it better not be too damn cheesy.”

“An’ you better make sure she got her nails done, she might say no if she ain’t got her nails done!” Silky came shouting through Monet’s Macbook speakers.

“Yeah, you better make it as romantic as you can, Mo,” Scarlet added, making Nina wonder what the hell it was they were all talking about. Before she could wonder any further, she heard Yvie’s distinctive snort of a laugh.

“You are in no position to speak about romance, I mean, need I remind you how you asked me?”

“Shut up,” Scarlet replied, her tone a little bashful as the other girls laughed.

“Monet I could hire you a plane if you really wanted,” Plastique offered, making Nina snort despite the fact she had no idea what the conversation was about.

“Shut up, bitch,” Nina could practically hear the roll of Akeria’s eyes.

Nina toed her shoes off and finally padded through to the kitchen, where Monet’s eyes grew wide when she saw her, her body visibly flinching.

“Hey, babe!” she smiled, looking a little startled. “You’re home earlier than usual!”

“Oh sorry, am I interrupting your Zoom call with all your side chicks?” Nina deadpanned, forcing her way onto Monet’s lap to see her friends on the screen.

“Ninaaa!!!” Vanessa’s face popped up first, her friend waving excitedly as she sat on her sofa in Brooke’s arms. “How are you, girl?”

“Shattered,” Nina sighed, rubbing her eyes harshly. “Just filmed the whole Nativity with the rugrats today. Think it took ten years off my lifespan. How’re you?”

“Good,” Brooke smiled back through the screen. “We ordered our Christmas food today. Trying to convince this one that we don’t need twelve pigs in blankets between two people.”

Vanessa scowled back at her from their position on the sofa. “Uh, yes the hell we do!”

“Twelve pigs in blankets as well as the turkey, stuffing, and all the veg? Y’all are gonna explode,” Akeria said disapprovingly.

“Kiki! How are you?” Nina cried with delight, seeing her friend’s tired but smiling face appear on screen.

“Good. Don’t stop work for a while yet, but it’s fine. Still flat hunting.”

“How’s Pri?” Nina asked, heartened by the way Akeria looked down, trying and failing to suppress a smile.

“Yeah, she’s good. Still batshit crazy. Horny all the time.”

“The ideal girlfriend, really,” Yvie said, a wry smile on her face.

“Nina!” Silky suddenly cut in, yelling. “Did you hear any of what we were talkin’ about before?”

Nina frowned, shook her head. “Something about planes and nails. And cheese. I’m too exhausted to have paid enough attention. Why, were you having a mad bitchfest about me?”

“Trying to ask the girls how best to dump you,” Monet deadpanned. Nina shot Monet a look and squeezed her leg, resulting in her girlfriend yelping and cracking her knee off the table.

Whatever the previous conversation was was soon forgotten about as excited catchups took over. Silky was excited as she was interviewing some singer that Nina had never heard of and wanted the girls to help her work out what questions she was going to ask her. Yvie and Scarlet were lamenting the fact they had to host both of their families for Christmas and had bought a turkey so big Scarlet wasn’t sure it would fit in their oven, and Plastique was telling them the weirdest things she’d been gifted by companies desperate for her to endorse them on Instagram.

“I got a box of sex toys from LoveHoney. That was probably the most random. Me and Naomi had a wild fucking night that night.”

“STOP BEIN’ GROSS,” Silky had yelled down the line, causing Nina to hammer Monet’s volume down button.

Eventually the call came to an end, but not before lots of promises to catch up soon once the situation across the world was better than the shitshow it was currently. As Monet closed her laptop, Nina threw her arms around her neck and nuzzled into her side.

“I miss them,” she sighed, and Monet patter her back comfortingly.

“I know, babe. I miss them too.”

There was a moment of pensive silence, and then Nina spoke again, the Nativity never too far away from her mind.

“I can’t export this video.”

“What?”

“The Nativity video. I can’t export it,” Nina muttered pitifully against her girlfriend’s shoulder.

Monet kissed her hair, making to stand up. “You get a cup of tea. I’ll fix your video.”

“You’re the best,” Nina sighed gratefully, walking over to the kettle.

It was only after she’d sat down with a cup of tea and Monet had promised she’d sorted her video that Nina thought about the conversation she’d walked in on earlier.

She had a strange feeling that it had something to do with her.

***

When Nina arrived at work that morning, she could tell something was…a little different. She couldn’t really tell what it was. It started with the slightly knowing smile Tatianna shot her from across the corridor.

“Congrats, Nina!” she shouted down to her before she ducked into her own classroom.  

“Uh…thanks,” she replied a little too late. Okay, the Nativity process had been stressful, but did she really need congratulated?

She supposed she appreciated it. It had been a whirlwind of a process, after all.

Only the odd thing was, it continued. The congratulations came pouring in; Alaska, Ivy from the Nursery school, Alyssa had cooed and gushed for ages about how exciting it was and how happy she was for her.

Nina had only blinked in reply, a little bewildered. “Thanks, Alyssa. It was a stress, but they managed to pull it off in the end.”

Alyssa gave her a funny look, then realisation seemed to dawn on her. “Oh…they’re non-binary! You know I never knew that, sorry sugar. Well congratulations to you both.”

With that, Alyssa hurried away only leaving Nina more confused than ever.

What in the fuck?

When the bell rang and Nina went to collect her class from the line, things only got weirder. Before she could hurry her class inside, Harry’s Mum waved at her from behind the school gate, beckoning her over. Nina’s heart began to sink- she was going to ask her why Harry was only a shepherd, wasn’t she, or why he didn’t get a solo during Little Donkey, or some-other-bullshit-like-that.

To Nina’s surprise, she held up a sparkly gift bag.

“Hi, sorry for bothering you!” she beamed at her. This was already unheard of- a parent apologising for taking up her time? Nina was beginning to question if she had slipped through a crack in the fabric of reality while she’d been sleeping when Harry’s Mum spoke again. “Me and the other parents had a quick whipround and got you a couple of things and a little card to say congratulations! We thought it was the least we could do given your lovely news.”

It was only after Nina had thanked her profusely, taken the bag and led her children into class that her words sank in. What lovely news was she on about?

Nina taught that morning in a daze. Well, ‘taught’ was pushing it; the last few days of term were always movie days or games days, and today was the former. Nina had decided to inject a bit of an educational element to it by showing her class Nativity and then asking them if they thought the film’s play was better than the one they’d put on. Despite it being one of her favourite Christmas films, though, she still wondered why everyone had been congratulating her today. Maybe her Nativity video had really been so amazingly good that people just had to comment on it. Nina decided that this was the only plausible explanation, and so was feeling particularly spirited as it reached breaktime and she sent the kids out to play.

She was sitting in her classroom reading all the messages she’d missed on her group chat when Willam practically crashed through her door.

“Oh my God!” she yelled, practically vibrating with excitement. “Congratulations, you lucky fucker! That’s gotta be the cutest damn thing I’ve ever seen. I mean Bianca probably wants your head on a plate for keeping it in, but still! How’re you celebrating? Should we go to the shop at lunchtime and get prosecco? I mean it’s the last few days of term, I’m sure drinking on the job’s allowed. Court wouldn’t tell anyone.”

Willam was talking with such speed that it took a few seconds for Nina to register everything she’d said. “Why…would Bianca want my head on a plate?”

Willam snorted. “I mean it’s kinda obvious. You don’t think she’s gonna be pissed about it? Then again, maybe she won’t. I don’t know, I can’t get inside her head. I’m not on that Honey I Shrunk The Kids kinda bullshit.”

Nina felt her head was so clouded that even if she possessed the brightest fog lights in the world she still couldn’t see what Willam was trying to say.

“Willam,” she asked, slowly and carefully as she rested her head in her hands. “What the hell are you talking about?”

There was a pause as Willam froze, then as her eyes became huge and wide as she slowly raised a finger to point at Nina. “Jesus Harvey Christ. You…you don’t know, do you?”

Nina frowned, bewildered. “Know what?”

“Oh my God. You don’t know. This is the best thing ever. You don’t even know!” Willam howled with laughter, then, before Nina could ask what she was meant to not know, Willam had dashed out of her classroom and had begun yelling into the hall. “Courtney! Court! She doesn’t know!”

Nina began to feel her heart beat in heavy thuds as the bell went to signal the end of playtime. What didn’t she know?

Eventually Nina managed to reach the end of the day. How, she didn’t know. She was so confused by all the different odd events of the day that she felt she didn’t properly make sense at any point to her class, but that probably didn’t matter as they were all so wrapped up in Christmas nonsense that Nina could’ve left the classroom and they wouldn’t have given a shit.

She was just getting ready to leave work for the weekend when Bianca stuck her head into her classroom and made her almost jump fifty feet in the air.

“Nina,” she began, in her own blunt, abrasive way. She didn’t wait for Nina to greet her as she continued. “I know you must be wandering around with your head in the clouds at the moment, but next time do you think you could maybe just run the video by me first? I mean you’re very lucky that the parents took that well. I mean it’s really about the kids, y’know?”

Nina could only blink at her wide-eyed like a deer in the headlights, getting into trouble but not entirely sure what for. Loath to say anything in response, she simply nodded.

“I mean you should’ve really kept it out,” Bianca frowned. She let the awkward, tense silence hang in the air for a few moments before a humoured smile appeared on her face. “But congratulations. I’m very happy for you.”

Without stopping for Nina to reply, Bianca had turned on her heel and left her classroom. Nina could only look at the space she’d previously been standing in. Maybe all of this was a dream. A fever dream. She’d probably contracted some sort of illness and was experiencing some hallucinogenic vision.

She didn’t know how she made it home without causing a crash, but she managed, and as soon as she was through the door she began to vent to the person she loved most.  

“Monet!” she called through to the kitchen, hanging her belongings up. “I’ve had the weirdest fucking day in living memory. So first all the teachers were congratulating me…then I got a present from the parents…then Willam was screaming about me not knowing something…and then Bianca gave me a row at the end of the day…but I still don’t know exactly why…but then she said congratulations to me too?”

It was only when Nina stopped and walked through to the kitchen that she saw the kitchen table all done up with candles and laid beautifully, Nina’s favourite meal (slow cooker beef and buttery mash) on two plates, and Monet sitting at the table with her makeup done, dressed in a backless blue bodycon that Nina had once very nearly broke the zip of trying to rip it off her one weekend away.

“Uh…” Nina frowned, more confused than ever. Slowly, as a smile spread across Monet’s face, she began to connect all the dots of weird and the picture it presented illustrated that somehow her girlfriend had to be behind it all. “Okay, what’s going on?”

Monet got up and leant against the kitchen counter. She very gently took both of Nina’s hands in hers. “You didn’t watch the whole video once I exported it, did you?”

Something like dread crossed with excitement began to pool in Nina’s gut. She narrowed her eyes. “Monet…what did you do?”

Wordlessly, Monet reached back across to the table where she picked up her phone and loaded up the Nativity video. Skipping to the end, she got past the end of Jingle Bells and showed the video to Nina. The screen faded to black, and then, Nina watched as another little title card faded into view.

To the teacher that always gives so much of herself to others, I now want to give all of myself to you.

Miss West, will you marry me?

Love, Monet x

And suddenly everything in Nina felt as if it was made of fire, adrenaline and jet fuel. Her eyes flew open, her hand smacked against her shocked, gaping mouth. Her pulse raced and her heart hammered and all of her limbs turned to jelly to the extent she wasn’t sure she was able to stand any more. When she took her eyes off her phone screen and looked at Monet, her girlfriend was down on their kitchen floor, down on one knee like in every princess movie Nina had ever seen, her hair soft and curled and loose on her shoulders and a bright smile on her painted taupe lips. Gemstone tears brimmed in her dark eyes and hung from her lashes like icicles, and there, in her outstretched hands, was an open navy box.

Inside was a ring - gold band, one small diamond - and it was when Nina saw it that she gave a sob, her own tears springing from her eyes like a broken fountain, uncontrollable and erratic.

“Oh, baby, c’mere,” Monet gave a small laugh, shaking her head and immediately rising from the floor to wrap her arms around her in a hug. Nina took a few shaky, shallow breaths, pawing at Monet’s chest to release herself from her grip and look her in the eyes.

“You! You knew…all this time, and you…you put it in the video, oh my GOD, Monet, I could’ve got in so much trouble…I did get in so much trouble, oh my God…and you didn’t even tell me-”

“I thought you’d at least watch the damn thing through before you uploaded it!” Monet burst out laughing through her tears, and Nina joined in in a lightheaded, giddy way.

“I can’t believe this is real. Fuck. My whole body feels like that time we did poppers in Crete. Oh my God. Is this happening? You want to marry me?”

“Well, I would love to marry you, but I’m waiting on an answer,” Monet smiled bashfully, bringing her arm out from around Nina’s waist and holding the ring up so Nina could see it.

The diamond only seemed to glisten more when she saw it through the tears in her own eyes, and the gold shone warm like the brightest star. It was an engagement ring- her engagement ring- and it was real, and it was surreal, but Monet was in front of her waiting for an answer with tears in her eyes and hope in her heart that matched her own.

And Nina had never been one to say no to anything.

[mostly-natm]

I Could Have Danced All Night— A Star Trek TNG fic!

This fic is inspired by the song I Could Have Danced All Night sung by Faultline, and @intergalacticpanic and I developed the concept together! You can either read it here, or on Ao3!

There was a tune in the air. It was so light that it was floating. It created an atmosphere with the most gentle of touches, and then retreated to the sidelines, leaving room for two Starfleet officers to take center stage.

Their hands were intertwined, and as were their hearts. With their movements synchronized, they had fallen into a comfortable rhythm. It was Data’s turn to lead, and Geordi was happy to follow.

“You’re forgetting something, Data.” Data’s eyes flickered as he searched his memory banks and Geordi’s face for a clue to what that could be. When he came up empty, it was shown in the way his eyebrows raised and his head shook.

“What?” Geordi’s laugh made the little tune retreat further into the background.

“Well, seems like every person I’ve danced with has made it a point to step on my feet at least once. It looks like you didn’t get the memo.”

“I am sorry. Were you injured?” As he spoke, Data led Geordi through a slow spin.

“No, it’s never been enough to end the dance altogether. Usually I just stop and shake it off.” His smile lingered. “I’m glad that I don’t need to stop with you.” The corners of Data’s mouth twitched. “Were you on the bridge when I commed the Captain this morning?”

“No.” Geordi’s laugh returned.

“So, I was running a level 2 diagnostic on the artificial gravity system, and there was a slight fluctuation in efficiency on deck 8, near the captain’s quarters. I reported it to the Captain, and he asked if it posed any threat to the crew. Then, he told me to take my time correcting it. I guess he liked the extra bounce in his step.”

“A ‘bounce in his step’ would indicate that he is walking in a manner that conveys happiness or confidence. Yes, I suppose that would be pleasant.” They spun again, this time in the opposite direction. There were a few comfortable moments where neither of them had a thing to say. The tune came out only slightly from the sidelines during them, and retreated again when they were over.

“Data...” Geordi’s gaze rose and settled on Data’s curious face. “You’re the reason for the bounce in my step.”

“I am your slight fluctuation in the efficiency of the artificial gravity system.”

“That’s right.” Geordi’s hand departed from Data’s shoulder and landed softly on his cheek. Time seemed to slow. “You’re beautiful.” From Geordi’s perspective, Data glowed and shimmered with an incalculable number of colors, none of which were visible to the human eye. With very few exceptions, Data truly was the most beautiful thing in Geordi’s universe.

“As are you.” Data’s visual sensors and positronic brain worked in tandem to map out every square yoctometer of Geordi’s face. He knew the distance between the bottom of his nose and the top of his lip. He knew the average length of the hairs in his eyebrows. He even knew the exact depth of his Cupid’s bow. But it was in his familiarity, the way that the sight of him made the connections in his brain light up, that he could truly see his beauty. Data dipped Geordi back, and when they surfaced, the distance between them was nonexistent. Once again, time slowed. The tune left, and the only thing that remained was Geordi’s heartbeat and Data’s consistent, calculated blinking. Geordi’s hands sunk below Data’s shoulders to sit delicately on his hips. Their lips took their time colliding. There was no rush. Data felt the warmth that Geordi provided. It was moments like these that made him believe that maybe he was closer to understanding what it meant to be human than he thought. Their lips didn’t part until what must have been a full minute passed. Data’s pull was inescapable, and so Geordi couldn’t bring himself to move very far away. His head rested upon his shoulder.

“I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of my life in your arms.” With a sigh, Geordi’s entire frame seemed to relax.

“That would not be practical.”

“No, but it sure would be nice.” His voice, partially absorbed by the fabric of Data’s uniform, came out muffled. Data’s eyebrows raised as he accepted Geordi’s point.

“Yes. I do find your company to be...pleasant.” He nodded to himself. “Geordi, I encountered a situation that I did not understand today.”

“Mmhm.”

“I was approached in Ten Forward by Ensign Maeda, Ensign Hill, and Lieutenant Kepler. They mentioned you, and began to inquire about the state of our relationship. They appeared to be under the impression that I am not capable of showing you the affection that you deserve. They insisted that they were attempting to prevent a potential heartbreak. They then brought up the subject of marriage, and I said that it was a possibility that we had not yet discussed. That appeared to be an incorrect answer, as they—” It was muffled as his words were, but it did not go unnoticed. Geordi was snoring. All evening, time seemed to be trudging slowly along, without a care in the world. Now, it was obvious that it had been sprinting. There was no longer a reason for Geordi to be on his feet, so Data took him off of them with a careful reconfiguration. “Computer, end program.” At his command, the dance floor, windows, and potted plants basking beside them disappeared. The tune finally retired.

When Geordi awoke, his VISOR had long since been set on the surface beside his bed. He saw nothing, but he could feel the tension on the sheets from Data’s weight upon them. It brought a small smile to his lips. His reach extended and retracted until his VISOR sat once more in its place. “Hi.”

“Hello.”

“I must have fallen asleep.” Geordi’s voice stretched as he did. He settled his head back into his pillow and gazed at Data.

“Yes. It was late.”

“How late? I have to make my shift.” Geordi began to rise, but Data’s firm touch on his shoulder pulled him back.

“Your shift does not begin for another 3 hours, 21 minutes, and 47 seconds. You may continue to rest.”

“If I left now, I’d have time to recalibrate the power couplings in engineering.” It was an argument that he knew he would lose. Still, it was now Data’s move.

“However, if you left now, I would miss you, and you would not have time to recalibrate the pressure sensors in my lips.” Checkmate. If Geordi was drinking, he would have spat it out.

“Data! You’d miss me?” His face was split in the brightest of grins.

“Yes. I do not understand your shock.”

“It’s just that—” His point was abandoned when his head caught up with his heart. “Oh, Data. I always have time to recalibrate your pressure sensors.” With a gentle touch, Geordi brought Data’s lips to his own. It was over in a few seconds, with a light smack. He removed his VISOR, but had his face buried in Data’s chest before he could put it away. It remained just barely in the ghost of his grasp. Data reciprocated the affection by pulling him closer until not even a digital file could fit in the space between them.

“I hope your sleep is sufficient.” Data’s voice was a comforting whisper in the dark.

“It will be.” In Data’s arms, how could it not?

[the-whole-long-stupid-story]

Okay look, I had big plans to write a fic around this whole thing. I even wrote the first chapter of it.

But then, y’know, life happened. And B+T. So I haven’t written anymore chapters but I can’t keep this AU pic to myself any longer.

So behold - MARRY ME AU for Michael and Maria.

Here’s my rambling backstory and parts of the fic-to-be if you care to indulge my m&m fantasies further...

Okay, so basically if you have read the first chapter, you’ll kinda know what’s going on. Kinda. 

To recap:

Set while they’re on the run, but about 2 years into it. They’re all based just north of Cali in a small town and seem to have succeeded in not being tailed by the Secret Unit.

One day in Spring, Michael overhears Maria talking with Liz and Isabel about marriage, and how she’s not really fussed either way about it. She has obviously experienced first hand what happens when marriages don’t work out, and has had people (men) she loves abandon her in the past - i.e. her dad, nearly Michael, and then obviously Alex (who didn’t actually abandon her, but still left. 😭)

Then Liz and Isabel start teasing her about the time that Isabel came to the Crashdown and asked, hypothetically speaking, what would she say if Michael asked her to marry him. And Maria had dropped all the plates onto the floor in response (Significant Others). Overhearing this exchange, Michael is disgruntled by the fact she was so shocked at the prospect of marrying him, even hypothetically.

Maria then goes on to say that she knows Michael and her are meant to be, and that’s what really matters to her. And then she also mentions that the night they all left Roswell, when she chose to leave with him, was sort of a ceremony in itself and her way of committing to him forever (Graduation). This pleases Michael, but he’s also still concerned that perhaps she still doesn’t believe how truly committed he is to her. Also he hears this voice in his head that sounds a lot like Alex, reminding him that she’s not just “some girl” and that Michael should prove it.

We good? Good.

Forward: (everything that is an excerpt from my fic-in-progress is italic, sorry if it’s hard to decipher)

So Michael, along with Kyle’s help, arranges for the gang to take the minibus and go on a camping trip to the nearby woods, which remind them a bit of Frazer Woods from years ago. The thing that a lot of them don’t pick up on is that their trip coincides with the 2 year anniversary of leaving Roswell.

ANYWAY, while the gang are setting up camp, Michael and Kyle pretend they’ve gone looking for firewood, but actually Michael has Kyle stringing festoon lights up in the trees, while he is carving a message for Maria into another tree. It’s a blunt message, there are no ‘pleases’ and it’s certainly not phrased as a question.

When they’re done, they come back to camp and Michael asks Maria to go for a walk with him - because he is definitely NOT the type of guy that’s going to get down on one knee (periodt), but also not the type of guy for massive grand declarations in front of everybody. Okay, sometimes he is (VLV), but not this time.

He takes her for a walk to the patch of woods that he and Kyle have been setting up - the lights aren’t on, so she doesn’t notice them. She doesn’t notice the tree with the carving either, because she has her back to it. In fact, the reason she thinks they’ve gone for a walk is because Michael wants to make out. 

He’s all quiet and thoughtful as he’s processing a lot of thoughts... 

During the course of their lives together, Michael realised it had always been about choices. They had chosen to fall together, and then fall away from each other - at times he had chosen to push her away to keep her safe, and she had chosen to push back and worm her way back in. He hadn’t exactly chosen to put up his strongest defences to keep her at arm’s length for long, anyway. Then, he had chosen to stay for her. She had chosen to leave him, but she’d also chosen to come back and then leave with him. She had never asked him to stay - she’d never taken the choice out of his hands, and he’d returned the favour by giving her an out; not just expecting her to leave with him and to run for her life. But she had chosen to anyway. She had chosen him. They chose to love each other - it was a conscious choice they both had made, but now he wanted to cement and honor those choices once and for all.

So then he starts getting all jumpy and weird and she gets suspicious of what’s going on, until he takes her hands, takes a deep breath and launches into a monologue (a la Summer of ‘47 / The Departure).

“A couple summer’s back when me, Max and Iz were leaving… you could have asked me to stay, I was half expecting you to. But you didn’t. You never took the choice away from me by asking me to stay. And I’ve never asked you why, but I think it’s because you knew how important it was for me to find my place out there, to find my home. You ultimately wanted me to be happy and you accepted that meant I was leaving you, and it was the most selfless thing anyone has ever done for me.”

“It’s made me think a lot more about that night when I chose to stay. At the time it felt automatic, but now looking back I know there was more to it. Sometimes it’s not the joy that makes you feel the love, it’s the pain. And that night, or morning or whatever the time was, all I could feel was this deep, burning pain at having to leave you. It was unbearable. That I was never gonna see you again - it was too painful. So then instead of thinking about leaving, I imagined myself staying...and the pain lessened. It disappeared, and was replaced by a different type of burning. That’s when I knew I’d finally found what I was looking for. You were it for me, you were home.”

“The truth is, my feelings that night…my feelings for you and the choice I made, they’re never gonna change, Maria. I’m always gonna love you and want you with me. After all the screwed up stuff we’ve been through, it’s always gonna be you. I don’t plan on going anywhere without you, because you’re home... The only time I’ll let go of your hand is to grab your ass.”

She looked at him stunned. She mused that she didn’t think she’d ever heard him speak so many words altogether at the same time ever in her life. While deciding whether to break the mushiness by telling him this, he continued.

“So Maria,” he smirked and held her by the shoulders. “Hypothetically speaking, if I asked you to marry me, would you? I don’t have any plates for you to drop, but I do have a tree.”

She laughed and looked up at him. “What? What are you talking abou -” she was cut off as he whirled her around by the shoulders to gaze at the tree in front of her. He’d etched ‘Marry Me’ into the tree, and carved a heart around it. “Michael,” she breathed quietly. She was lost for words.

Quickly, she whirled back around to look at him. He was holding out one of his hands flat in front of her, palm outstretched with one of his rings lying flat in the centre. She stared at it. His rings were two of the most precious possessions he owned. He’d had them forever, longer than he’d ever known her anyway, and he never took them off his fingers.

“I…I’m not great at this stuff,” he mumbled, looking at the ring. “Um, I’m gonna get Max to add a diamond when we can get some coal, but…” he trailed off and looked up at her face. Her eyes were brimming with tears threatening to cascade down her cheeks.

She shook her head jerkily. “No, this is perfect. This is one of your rings, I don’t need a diamond,” she whispered.

“We’ve been through a lot, you and me,” he continued. “And a lot of the hurt and pain - it’s been because of me. I would try to make choices for both of us - whether we got to be together, whether you were too at risk, y’know, or whether you could handle all the weird shit that came with the alien world. After all this time, I’ve started to understand that it shouldn’t have been only me calling the shots and not giving you a choice. We’ve grown up a lot, we’ve learnt a lot, and I know that you don’t need me to make life-changing decisions for you. It’s not my place - the choice is yours, and I can only make decisions for myself and be honest with you about how I feel,” he mapped every feature on her face as he spoke. This was it. This was what it all boiled down to.

“So - marry me Maria DeLuca, and not hypothetically,” he said as he took the ring that still lay in his palm and took her left hand. It was trembling in his, so he quickly turned it over and placed a kiss into her palm. Then, he slowly turned her hand back over and slid his ring onto her wedding finger.

She sniffed with waterlogged eyes and mumbled, “Hypothetically, isn’t it supposed to be framed as question as opposed to a demand, in order for me to have a choice to make and answer to give?”

He stilled where he was standing and looked back at her face, still holding her hand that he’d just placed the ring onto. For a moment, he wasn’t sure if she was being serious or not, until he saw a twinkle in her eye and a slight tug at the corner of her mouth.

"Shut up, you talk too much,” he muttered and then pulled her to him, ducking his head down to cover her lips with his own. The kiss was passionate, and full of promises.

“Hey hey, save some of that for the actual ceremony!” came a voice from the trees. They broke apart as Kyle emerged from the trees.

“Ceremony? What are y -”

“Today’s a special day,” Michael murmured, still holding her close.

“You…you want to get married now? Like here? Today, right now, in the woods?”

“Yes,” he was emphatic. There was no point trying to dodge it.

“But…” she looked around at the tree line, at Kyle grinning off to the side, and then back up at Michael’s solemn face.

“You don’t have to,” he suddenly said quietly. He was feeling pretty overwhelmed himself, so he could only imagine how it felt for her.

“No - I mean, yes! I do want to. I’m just blown away. I had no idea - no idea Michael. But if you’re sure…”

He pulled her in closer and brushed his lips along her cheek and up to her ear. “I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life.”

Okay so that’s where I’m at with the fic. But it’s not just the proposal stuff that happens. They get married the same day because Michael wants to get it done, and wants it to be on the anniversary of when they left Roswell.

Kyle officiates - and it’s official, because he got a certificate on the internet. Which makes it legit, right? 

No-one else in the gang knows about any of this until Michael and Maria (and Kyle) get back from the ‘Marry Me’ tree spot, but they’re all super excited and happy for them. They keep their same clothes on for the ceremony, but Isabel turns Maria’s green jumper a creamy white because she just can’t deal with the idea of Maria getting married in green. Michael makes some smart ass comment about how only pure chicks wear white, which earns him a punch in the guts by his bride to be.

Anyway, the ceremony is quick, to the point - they say their vows under the festoon lights and in front of the ‘marry me tree’. The vows are not traditional and I’m finding it super hard to write them because vows are traditionally a mush-fest and Michael/Maria are not. Maybe I don’t need to write that part though - you all know how and why they love each other the way they do...

They are each other’s home.

[huanwanchens]

XiCheng Fic Recs

Fic recs featuring XiCheng with some side pairings. I decided to do this list so I can keep track. Basically, these fics are extra long coz the bitch in me doesn’t like to read short fics lol. All are complete works though. I hope this helps my fellow XiCheng shippers! I am a bitch for XiCheng and I am proud? LOL

Little Lotus by RennieOnIceCream (XiCheng mentions of WangXian)

Summary: If one asked Lan Xichen about having children a few years ago, he would’ve said the idea of a family was nice, but it was entirely impossible for him.

Having the leader of the Jiang Sect for a partner, he should’ve known -- impossibilities were always achievable.

Mpreg XiCheng fic that is light and fluffy! This is more like the journey of pregnancy featuring XiCheng.

Wish That You Were Here by Achromos (XiCheng, JingYi)

Summary: Ever since he was young, Jingyi knew that he was missing a parent. The thing that bothered him the most about this was that his a-die was clearly suffering and lonely. At first, he had to settle for stories of his fuqin - the First Jade of Lan, a beautiful and powerful cultivator. But then he was sent to study in the Cloud Recesses, where he met the other side of his family. He was determined to find out why his parents won't speak to each other; what happened fifteen years ago. How he can perhaps mend the rift between them.

A fic where Jingyi is XiCheng’s love child. So much angst and it hurts.

Broken Mirror by akanezora (XiCheng AU side WangXian)

Summary: When Jiang Cheng left Lan Xichen life, he brought a secret with him. Years later, Lan Xichen caught up with that secret. (Jingyi as Xicheng Lovechild)

A fic where Jingyi is XiCheng’s love child in Modern AU. This is just so cute with a little bit of angst on both sides also, WangXian is a side pair here.

Being An Uncle Is Anything But Easy by TheWildJoker (XiCheng)

Summary: Jiang Wanyin, Jiang Cheng, Sandu Shengshou, uncle of Jin Ling, brother of Jiang Yanli. He held many titles, and worked with many different hats, but the thing in his life that was missing most was someone to assist him in his struggle at raising a barely month old, orphaned child. Cue the entrance of the eldest jade of Lan, prim, proper, and loved by all. When first met with the worn out Jiang Cheng his inability to leave others alone while they're struggling most kicked in, and leads to a lot of confusion, bad decisions, and then finally a chance for the both of them to be healed from wounds of their past.

Aaah, I love this fic so much. Basically, it started when Jiang Cheng was landed with the responsibility of raising A-Ling because he just refused or rather, he just didn’t trust Jin Guangyao with the upbringing of Jin Ling. Also, some cute A-Yuan and A-Ling interaction for those who love ZhuiLing innocence.

Never Had I Ever by Kicchin (XiCheng side WangXian/NieYao)

Summary: Nie Mingjue is almost certain that Jin Guangyao has an ulterior motive for dating his best friend, Lan Xichen. However despite voicing his concerns, his best friend seems unconvinced and Lan Xichen continues to date the said man. Unable to give up just yet, Nie Mingjue tries a different tactic--convincing his best friend the man is not the right person for him by setting him up. Fortunately for him, Wei Wuxian's youngest brother is very much single and seems to be just the kind of person his best friend needs. Can Jiang Cheng truly change Lan Xichen's mind, or will Nie Mingjue's plan is a disaster from the beginning?

A Modern AU - University style fic wherein Jiang Cheng is a freshman and Xichen is just a dork who falls in love with unsuspecting Jiang Cheng lol. This is funny but it has that tooth-decaying element XD Also, drunk Xichen is always chaotic but can be so sweet.

The Beginner’s Guide to Moving On by messenger18 (XiCheng side WangXian)

Summary: Jiang Cheng is jaded, bitter and miserable. Lan Xichen isn't sure he can ever trust anyone again. They've always been at the periphery of each other's lives, perpetually visible but never touching, and it seems it's going to stay that way. Then Jin Ling and Lan Sizhui fall in love, and everything changes.

Thrown together as the only single men in a family full of couples, neither is exactly happy about their situation. But when two lonely people find each other, sometimes they can be a little less lonely together.

A slow burn fic that involves awkward meetings, building friendship, humor and fluff that you don’t have any choice but to read more lol. But I strongly recommend this one for XiCheng fans!

葬花/Zàng huā by CrystallizedPen (XiCheng Mpreg)

Summary: One day, Sect Leader Lan just disappeared, no one knew where he went, nor why he left, not even the people closest to him knew. He left behind his sword, his token, and his forehead ribbon. He left behind everything except the silver bell that was given to him by a person that he loved, and whom he thought would love him too. Their love was beautiful like a blooming flower. But, apparently he was wrong. He should have buried this love deep inside his heart, like burying a flower that was never meant to bloom.

Heavy angst XiCheng fic that expanded for 10 years of waiting coz of some intervention. I just love angsty elements in this and Xichen is well characterized in this fic! Strongly recommended!

Monotone by seredemia (WangXian and XiCheng)

Summary: Wei Wuxian died. Wei Wuxian died and he never came back, not after thirteen years, or a hundred, or a thousand. The year is 2019 and Lan Wangji is still here, having reached the highest point of cultivation that has gifted him with immortality. It's supposed to be a gift, an honour, yet to him it's nothing but a curse. Wei Wuxian is dead, and life is colourless. Lan Wangji ghosts through time, simply living each day in monotone.That is, until he meets a man who has the same face, same name, same smile as Wei Wuxian. Suddenly, there's colour and hope back in his life—but it's not long until he realises Wei Wuxian in this timeline has not escaped the sorrow that plagued his past self.Maybe history really does repeat itself after all.

THIS IS THE GREATEST. Immortal Xichen and Wangji in search of happiness. I certainly love the dynamics and interaction of XiCheng pair in here. Contains heavy angst, self-harm and hurt and you’d get a lot of emotional rollercoaster on this one! READ THIS GUYS, YOU WON’T REGRET IT! Unfortunately, the writer took down her work in A03 for personal reasons but she provided alternative links where you can read this. (Thank goodness for that.)

The Misadventures of Secretary Jiang by rollo (XiCheng mentions of WangXian)

Summary: When the competent Secretary Jiang gave his two weeks notice all of a sudden, CEO Lan XiChen is forced to switch up his long game.

Will Secretary Jiang ever notice that he’s not just the CEO’s Secretary?

This fic is hilarious as fuck. Full of humor and mishaps between XiCheng pair. Wanna see a different side of Xichen? Like the clingy, pouty ones - well this one is for you! I’ve just recently started the series called What’s Wrong With Secretary Kim and thank goodness, the author didn’t make Xichen as vain and narcissistic as the original character but all in all, if you want a light, honest to goodness fic, then I recommend this one for you!

I’ll Bind You To Me by yunkarin (XiCheng mentions of Married WangXian)

Summary: Jiang Cheng is the president of Yunmeng Cosmetics. Lan Xichen is the president of Gusu Pharmaceuticals. He and Lan Xichen have a complicated relationship, where they separate business and pleasure. How far are you willing to go to bind me to you?

A very sexy XiCheng fic with lots of sexy time. Insatiable Xichen is hot btw. If you want some kinks and smut filled read, well this one is for you!

The Form of Boneless Ice by TheWonderingHeart (XiCheng)

Summary: Mythical beasts have long ago been driven to extinction by the gentry — hunted for sport, but more importantly for their magical cores. Since then, there remains only one creature that has never been caught. The Jiang’s retreated a long time ago. Abandoning land altogether, they sought safety where the humans could not reach. It all comes to a head though, purely by chance. (Or is it by fate that a spontaneous decision allows for them to meet? If fate were a rock!) Jiang Cheng suddenly finds his whole life balanced on the head of a pin — on the flimsy promise of a human boy. In his opinion, things cannot possibly get worse!(But then they do when the Wens decide it’s finally time to search for the elusive merpeople, and suddenly nowhere is safe.)

Oh goodness, I love this one so much with innocent Jiang Cheng with the human world but still has a potty mouth lol. Mermaid AU wherein they met as children and continued their friendship until they turn into lovers. This is so sweet with angst, of course. Strongly-recommended!

My own fics (If you guys want lol shameless promotion)

Jin Ling’s Dating Guides for His Stupid Uncles (XiCheng/WangXian)

A work-in-progress wherein Jin Ling tries to matchmake his uncles to his best friend’s parents - the Lan brothers. However, danger is looming upon their family and they must solve it before it gets out of hand.

a way to his heart is through his stomach (XiCheng side WangXian)

A feisty cook joins the team by request. How far can he go without falling for the charm of the restaurant's assistant manager, Lan Xichen? And what’s this? They’re roommates too? Oh, fun.

Follow the journey of the gang as they go on with their lives as interns in the hospitality world for a year - the chaotic life of living

Another work-in-progress wherein the boys are in the hospitality industry.

I will add more works on this list as I go on reading. I better thank the quarantine that I can binge read yummy XiCheng fics. lol

[fizzingwizard]

Fanfic Authors Tag Game

I was tagged by @ahiddenpath and her answers were really good x’D As for me, it's been quiiiite a while since I wrote fanfic... but I might as well x'D Thanks!!

AO3 name(s): FizzingWizard, but I have more stuff as Fizzing Wizard on FF, also have some ficlets here on Tumblr under the tag fizz-writes


Fandoms:  Mainly Digimon, a few others here and there (X-men, Tsubasa Chronicle)


Number of fics:  Some... sorry I don't care to count them.

1. Fic I spent the most time on: All Seems Beautiful. It was a monster fic for me. I had multiple muti-page outlines (one that was short with bullet points, another that went into each point in detail, plus character profiles with notes about absolutely everything, like favorite foods or what kind of sneakers they wear). I loved planning it, but towards the point where I stopped writing I was getting headaches trying to remember everything. I felt like it's not a good sign when even the author doesn't want to reread her own story. And I knew for a fact that there were some readers who'd disappeared over the years specifically because of how long it was. That didn't really bother me, but I know I set myself up for failure by making the chapters so very long. Some fic writers do churn out monster fics much better than mine, but it was still a fun ride.

I don't know how things with ASB are gonna go in the future after such a long hiatus, but if I continue, I'll probably be setting a hard word limit for chapters like I should have in the first place. In my defense, I was a teenager when I started it and I just thought of it as my "big farewell fic" to Digimon Adventure, where I was going to encompass all of my personal theories and my visions of each character. It didn't feel like such a tall order at the time. Then it became by far my most popular fic and I started to stress, and it wasn't so much fun anymore. If I can get the fun back, I'll totally continue it.

2. Fic I spent the least time on: There are a couple fics on my FF page that are from when I was really young. Those would be the most legit answer, but I'm not gonna count them, because that was another era. A totally different world. Of fics I've written more recently, it would be From an Admirer. That's also the reason why I cringe at it a bit... I was just answer a prompt, but after I wrote it I wanted to delete the prompt from the fic altogether because I didn't like the way it framed things.

3. Longest fic: All Seems Beautiful, 246,914 words as of the last update. The majority of that was "part one" and the thought of writing that amount for the second half is part of why I ended up stalling. But there are so many fics out there that make my WIP look short...

4. Shortest fic: Difficult to properly answer since I have some sort of curse on me where I can never finish anything. Ficlets. The shortest on FF (excluding my childhood fics) is Mad-Libs, but From an Admirer is shorter still.

5. Most hits: Well, on FF it's ASB easily lol.

On AO3, it's Izumi Koushirou and the Splendiferous Valentine's Day Shindig Whose Splendor Was So Diferous It Ought To Be Immortalized In Song (alternate title: "Why Everyone Hates February")

I just like putting the whole title in bahaha

Actually I was surprised to find that one has the most hits on AO3, though ASB isn't updated there so that's probably part of why. But also I appreciate that Taishiro fandom love <3

I should really finish that one. Problem is it needs massive editing first. Too bad I don't have any oolong tea around...

6. Most kudos: From An Admirer. It's a ship fic :P

7. Most comment threads: What is a comment thread? For reviews, this one also goes to ASB, easy win. I think it's the same on both sites, but I'm not completely sure because I think my own replies to comments are included in the count... the FF one can be trusted though.

8. Favorite fic I wrote: I think mainly because I never finish anything, it's hard to give a meaningful answer. ASB was the most work and also the most personal, so I care about it a lot. But there are other fics where I was was trying to do something specific, either with the plot or the writing style. I'm loath to pick a fav.

9. Fic you want to re-write: Hahaha... They all need lots of edits, but rather than rewrite any, I just want to finish one. :8

But the answer would be ASB. I wanna change so many things. The original plan that I had, I don't want it exactly that way anymore, but I set it up too much to just abandon it without a lot of work and probably confusion. The way I see some of the characters shifted as well. I am NOT going to rewrite this fic though.

10. Share bit of a WIP or a story idea you’re planning on: I wanted to write a post-Tri fic about Taichi and Meiko. Not a romance exactly, but that one phone call at the end wasn't enough closure for me after the monumental decision Taichi made in the last movie.

I should rewatch all of Tri first though and that's pretty much what's holding me back >.< I love Tri, but it's long and I have a job and a life... I never watch movies or TV unless someone tells me to. Only found Mandalorian and Witcher because of my BF and it's probably to my benefit that they're both TBC for now.

OK! I think that @wanderingsofal will love doing this, so tagging you dear! Anyone else who sees this and wants to do it too, consider yourselves tagged as well.

[courtingstars]

Notes for The Vanishing Prince, Chapter Six

Whew, I can’t believe I’m FINALLY posting Chapter Six… I’m going to keep the notes fairly short this time, because I feel like I’ve already rambled a lot about this fic? //laughs Plus I don’t have as much to say in terms of background info about this chapter, since it was mostly focused on the character interactions.

That being said, I did update my Pinterest board for the new chapter! So I’ll go ahead and include some links to a couple of my favorite visuals, for those of you who don’t have an account there.

Cut for some rambling about the layout of the Akashi estate, Oreshi’s past struggles with depression and suicidal ideation, and more Kyoto sightseeing…

Rooms in the Akashi Estate in Kyoto

I introduced the tatami room where the Akashi family relics are stored in the previous chapter, but I didn’t really include any visuals… So for anyone curious about what the room might look like, I included some examples of extravagant traditional rooms here and here. Both those images also show what the painted murals on traditional Japanese doors look like. (Though I didn’t find any that had the specific flowers in the fic!)

Meanwhile, I couldn’t find a perfect visual for what the observatory at the top of the tower looks like in my head… But I did like the general layout of the room in this photo. (I also added a bunch of photos of secret passages and spooky stairs to the board as well. Though I tried not to pin anything too creepy? //laughs)

Also, I’m sure a lot of people know what chess tables look like, but this and this were some of my favorite examples I found!

The Grounds of the Estate

I did manage to find a few visuals to represent the grounds of the Akashi estate… My favorites are probably the photos of super-fancy horse stables like this, this, and this. (And if you do have a Pinterest, definitely check out the pins of mood lighting in stables/barns. //laughs)

Also, I’ve mentioned before that both Akashi mansions have Western style architecture. In this chapter, we discover that there’s also an abandoned Japanese style estate on the Kyoto grounds, on the edge of a mountain forest. I imagined that those buildings would roughly resemble something like this or this.

Yukimaru’s Groom

This is just a random side note to mention that the name I chose for Yukimaru’s groom, Umagami, can apparently be spelled wth the kanji for “uma” and “kami,” a.k.a. “horse god”… Which I just found really perfect? //laughs

Akashi and Depression

(Content warning for discussion of depression and suicidal ideation.)

I won’t go into a lot of detail about this, but I did want to mention that I’ve been foreshadowing one element that was included in this chapter for a while:

“He wanted to disappear, you know. During the whole Teikou fiasco. To stop existing altogether. I’m not sure anyone else understood that part.”

Way back in The Fast Train to Kyoto, Akashi—specifically Oreshi—was still struggling with his recent return to living his daily life, and general feelings of isolation and depression. At one point, when he was out riding Yukimaru in the woods, he thought this:

“The more he rode, the emptier Akashi felt. He wanted this. To leave everything else behind, to chase after this nothingness and cling to it, until all the most painful parts of himself simply fell away. No longer feeling. No grieving the past, or wishing for things he couldn’t have.

He longed, more than anything else, to disappear…

“How long had he been riding Yukimaru, letting his thoughts wander? Wishing he could vanish into nothing, or drown in some nameless void, like the rippling waves that stretched before them? …

“He’d even disappeared before. Very much literally. He had only been back for a few months…Was he already fantasizing about doing it again?”

I’ve long felt that Oreshi’s choice to let Bokushi take over, was about a lot more than him giving up on being the captain of Teikou’s basketball team… I also interpret it as him, in a very real way, giving up on life for a while. The manga implies that Oreshi actively chose to stay inside his own mind during this period, and that he could have taken over for Bokushi whenever he wanted. Instead, he hid from the outside world for over two years.

To me, that suggests that Oreshi was struggling to find a reason to keep existing, at least in the way he was before. And I think it’s fair to hypothesize that he could have been experiencing some form of suicidal ideation… Especially since there’s a misconception that being suicidal only means having actively violent thoughts, and doesn’t include a more general sense of not wanting to live anymore. But those kinds of thoughts are really serious, and a strong indicator that a person is struggling. They can also lead to more active forms of suicidal ideation, so it’s important to recognize them for what they are.

(Which I can attest to, and that’s one reason why I chose to include them in the story… I wasn’t as open about my own mental health struggles when I started this series, or as aware of them. But it’s definitely a major reason why the series has come to mean so much to me as I’ve worked on it.)

I also wanted to include this interpretation because it’s unfortunately very common for people who have dissociative disorders to struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts… So I felt it made sense for Akashi’s character, and it was important to me to show him trying to work through those issues.

Nishiki Market

During this chapter, Akashi takes Furihata to another famous Kyoto spot, Nishiki Market. (I swear before this series is over, I’m going to use every single interesting place in this city as a backdrop? //laughs) The market is extremely popular with both tourists and locals, and it has a wide variety of Japanese foods and food-related items.

I included some pretty pictures on the Pinterest board, but if you want to get an even better idea of the setting and what it’s like to eat there, I highly recommend checking out this YouTube video, and this one!

Also, the soy milk doughnuts are real. (As pictured here and here.) From what I could tell in my research, the place that sells them—named Konnamonja—has indeed been around long enough for Akashi to have eaten them when he was little!

I also briefly mentioned some other Kyoto landmarks, like the Kamogawa river (or Kamo River, since “gawa” means river) and the Teramachi shopping district. Teramachi has an interesting blend of modern stores and arcades and antique shops, including bookstores like this one. (And I’ll probably talk more about the dining platforms on the river in the notes for the next chapter!) 

Well, that’s all for my notes this time around! I’m trying to put as much time as I can into finishing this series. For anyone who is still keeping up with the story, thank you as always, for reading and for your patience. I’m very excited to share the rest of the story with you, as soon as I possibly can. <3

[rainy-circle]

bleep bloop some thoughts

- gonna start going to bed a bit earlier so I don’t have to hear birds SHAMING ME TO SLEEP every night

- I was only working a couple days a week, but I think the lack of even that little bit of structure has been rough for me. I’ve mostly just been sleeping, even more so than usual. maybe I should start drinking tea obsessively, like my bro, who is coming home tomorrow (for who knows how long). also maybe I’ll start up a new game. I haven’t played anything for a few days and video games are kind of... been good at keeping me busy haha

- I was lying in bed last night and I just... ksfjlf thinking about this post. I’m still working on Triptych, and I’m way too stubborn to just abandon it, but I feel like I also have to be able to at least chip at things that aren’t it or I’ll go stir-crazy. I remember once I started a list of possible future fics to post here so people could ask me questions about them and maybe fuel some inspiration, but lmao uh. would anyone. even care.

I know that’s a kind of... fishing-for-compliments thing to say but. I mean, plenty of people have written posts about how likes greatly outnumber reblogs on this website, and it’s kind of the same with askbox memes. People reblog them but no one actually sends asks in and I’ve honestly thought a few times of just giving up on reblogging them altogether.

anyway. i’m going to bed

[p-and-p-admin]

Interview given to The Severus Snape and Hermione Granger Shipping Fan Group.  (sharing here Admin approved)

https://www.facebook.com/groups/199718373383293/ Hello CRMediaGal and welcome to Behind the Quill, thank-you for letting us get to know you a little better.

Many of our members will know your Unquestionable Love series. 

We’re grateful you can spend some time with us today. 

Okay, so let's jump into it!

What’s the story behind your pen name?

CR is an abbreviation for “cracked rendition” and that comes from the excerpt from a poem I’ve loved since I was young. Years ago, to help put myself through art college, I did web design on the side and called my little company Cracked Rendition Designs. When I created my pen name, I combined all of these elements together to make CRMediaGal (for some illogical reason I thought it was a solid name at the time lol) and, to this day, I still think about changing my pen name altogether.  I figure it’s too late for that now, though. 

Which Harry Potter character do you identify with the most?

Luna Lovegood. I wish I’d had her self-assurance and confidence in who she is at that age but, that aside, I identify with how she’s a bit of a loner, an oddball, and tends to be left out (or does until she finds her Hogwarts friends). I’ve really struggled with being an outsider most of my life, so it’s comforting to see that representation in literature but through a young woman who possesses the self-confidence people like myself often lack. 

Do you have a favourite genre to read? 

I tend to love period dramas, so a lot of the classic novels are my favourites (i.e. Austen, Henry James, etceteras).  

Do you have a favourite “classic” novel?

The Portrait of a Lady is one of my favourite novels.  I reread it every couple of years.  

At what age did you start writing? 

I’ve been writing since I was very little, so probably seven, eight, nine-ish? I used to be much more of an artist/sketcher than a writer, so I’d make up stories and write and sketch and staple them together all day long lol. 

How did you get into writing fanfiction?

After watching Deathly Hallows: Part 2 at the cinema in 2011.  Severus Snape’s death hit me hard all over again (I hadn’t read the last book in a few years), and I decided that I desperately needed to change that for myself lol.  Unquestionable Love is the first fanfic (SSHG) I ever wrote and it’s become an ongoing series, so I’m grateful to have gotten the “spark” to write fanfic from somewhere around that time.  I decided in 2011 to try my hand at “fleshing out” my little Snape family that had been mucking about in my head for much longer than that.

What's the best theme you've ever come across in a fic? Is it a theme represented in your own works?

I’m a total sucker for the brooding, self-loathing male who thinks himself unworthy of love and redemption and the sunshine, kick-arse lady, aka Centre of His World, who loves him back to life. #GimmeMorePleaseandThankYou

What fandoms are you involved in other than Harry Potter?

I’ve written fics for Star Wars (ReyBen/Reylo is another one of my favourite ships outside of SSHG), The Hobbit (Thranduil/Tauriel), and Les Miserables (Enjonine). 

If you could make one change to canon, what would it be? Do you have a favourite piece of fanon?

Severus Snape’s death (he’s NOT dead! #nope #denial4ever). 

My favourite piece of fanon is probably Severus being Draco’s godfather. Regardless of where it originated from, I’m all for it. 

Do you listen to music when you write or do you prefer quiet? 

I used to need complete solitude and quiet to write, but nowadays I can write with some instrumental music playing in the background.  It depends on where my headspace is at. 

What are your favourite fanfictions of all time? 

I don’t read much fanfic anymore, as it’s hard enough for me to find time for my own writing…but off the top of my head, I’d probably have to go with a “classic” - The Tattered Man (SSHG) by Aurette.  It’s gutting and heart-wrenching and doesn’t have a happy ending, but it’s a hauntingly beautiful piece that stays with you. 

Are you a plotter or a pantser? How does that affect your writing process?

I’m somewhere in the middle. I tend to plot out certain points I want to hit from chapter to chapter (if it’s a multi-chapter fic and heavy on plot, for instance), but writing is an organic process and I enjoy allowing my muse to surprise me as well.

What is your writing genre of choice? 

A good mixture of Angst and Fluff (and nearly always with a HEA!) 

Which of your stories are you most proud of? Why? 

I’m proud of all my stories for different reasons, mainly technical milestones I was able to achieve with the writing or the emotional attachments I had to them at the time that I wrote them.

If I had to choose one (or two because I gotta cheat here haha!), I’d go with either Unto Their Own (SSHG) because the subject matter was so dark and took me to places mentally that were very tough for me to navigate (the fact that I finished that fic is an achievement for me because it could have very well been abandoned at various points in the story); or Unquestionable Love (SSHG), both the original and the series as a whole, because that story has my heart entirely invested in it.  That precious family means everything to me and the story, from beginning to present, is my headcanon for the SSHG pairing.  I really can’t see them any other way, though I’ve written other stories where their lives turn out quite differently. 

Did it unfold as you imagined it or did you find the unexpected cropped up as you wrote? What did you learn from writing it?

Sticking with Unquestionable Love here, the original story came together mostly as expected, though there were a couple darker turns the fic was supposed to take that I didn’t have the heart--or the stamina, I suppose--to end up developing.  

One of my dear OCs/one of the daughters was supposed to die at one point in the story and I realised that doing so would have ultimately changed Severus’s fate, as well as the entire course of the storyline.  (There is just no way that UL!Severus would survive the death of one of his children, so I guess I’m no JK Rowling or any other esteemed writer who can just ruthlessly kill off their characters haha!) I’ve learned through writing this series that I can tackle subject matters that are very emotionally tough for me and that’s a good feeling.  

I’ve also learned that I have something to say, even if it’s not much heard or well-liked, and that that still makes my storytelling worthy of being out there in the fandomverse; or, at least, I try to remind myself that it’s okay to exist.

How personal is the story to you, and do you think that made it harder or easier to write?

It’s intensely personal in some respects and those aspects are difficult for me to discuss.  I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready to talk about them in depth, but I will say a couple scenes in the latter half of Unquestionable Love were incredibly trying to write due to personal experience. I pushed through those moments, though, and I think that, because of that therapeutic exercise, I’m able to tackle other tough subjects in my stories more easily. 

What books or authors have influenced you? How do you think that shows in your writing?

I admire various writers, mainly for the love of the language that’s reflected in their writing styles.  Anne Rice immediately comes to mind.  If I had an ounce of her talent, I’d write with so much confidence lol. I don’t think writers like her necessarily affect my writing style, but they’re certainly people I aspire to write more like.  

Do people in your everyday life know you write fanfiction? 

Only more recently.  I haven’t really allowed any of them to read my work, as so much of it is deeply personal, but just being upfront with my closest friends and family has been a nice development.   

How true for you is the notion of “writing for yourself”? 

I think this is something, as a fic writer, that’s essential.  However, I’m also of the mindset that fandom is about community, and fanfic writers want to engage with their audiences.  We want to feel less alone in these wacky and often times complicated scenarios we put our characters through, and we want people to respond to them...hopefully, with a positive reaction. 

That’s what it’s all about--interaction--and it can be rather heartbreaking, as a writer, when you don’t receive engagement because maybe your headcanons or takes on characters aren’t popular or are considered outside of the ‘norm’. 

For me, I find it too crippling anymore to continue sharing my stories with the fandoms I love when they’re met with silence or hate.  There’s nothing more soul crushing than just being dismissed or disliked or not accepted...and that’s why I’ve chosen to post my stories privately (for now, at least).

How important is it for you to interact with your audience? How do you engage with them? Just at the point of publishing? Through social media?

It’s pretty essential to me to be able to engage with readers.  I absolutely love it and I wish it happened more often haha.  I used to run polls and interact with readers on my fanfiction.net and AO3 accounts (both now inactive) and through my still active Tumblr account (http://crmediagal.tumblr.com/ ).  I now have my own website - www.crmediagal.com - where I can fully control the flames and negativity. 

It may be temporary but, so far, it’s working out pretty well.  It’s made my readership a lot smaller but, at least, I know the people who are there genuinely want to read more of my work and won’t leave me hate comments.  That’s so comforting and encouraging.  

What would you most like your readers to take away with them when they've finished your stories?

A powerful message of some kind...remembrance...perhaps, suggest one or two of them to other readers and shippers out there.  

That’s the only way our stories survive, really. 

What is the best advice you’ve received about writing?

That you need to protect your “voice”, no matter how unpopular it may be, and that there is no one else who writes like you and that you should take pride in that.  

I try to remind myself of these important pointers when I’m feeling particularly down about my storytelling abilities. 

What do you do when you hit writer’s block?

Watch my favourite films or television shows to help re-spark my creativity.  I come back to the writing when it ‘speaks’ to me.  I no longer press myself to push out writing because, more often than not, the result is going to get tossed and reworked anyhow.  

Has anything in real life trickled down into your writing?

Yes, certain experiences and people I’ve encountered in my life have definitely wound up in some of my stories.  

Many of my OCs in different stories are examples of that. 

Do you have any stories in the works? Can you give us a teaser? 

I’m working on a new SSHG story that’s based off of a fun prompt from a dear, long-time reader.  

It will start posting at my website - www.crmediagal.com - in the coming weeks/months, so if anyone would like access to it, you can contact me there.  

Here’s a short excerpt:

Cradling his head in his hand, Severus stomped to his front door and opened it a crack, jostling the handle loud enough that it caught three people’s attention, the woman firstly before the others.  

“What’s the bloody idea?” he snarled, shouting above them.  

Each individual—two wizards and one witch—went mute and turned to stare from the neighbouring sidewalk.  

“I’ll have you know that this is a quiet street!  And I was sleeping!”  When the guests next door to him, who were just towing the property line and about to get themselves knocked out, offered no response, he prodded, grinding his teeth together, 

“Are you daft, you fools?  Do you not comprehend?  HEY!”

The two gentlemen, who appeared to be fresh out of Hogwarts—or maybe they hadn’t gotten that far in their magical studies, judging by the stupidity on their expressions—startled and nodded in unison.  

“Yes, sir!”

“Oh, my...” the witch, in turn, murmured, seemingly more to herself than anyone else.

Severus identified her vacant, open-mouthed expression at once: she recognised him.  As of yet, he had little recollection as to who she might be and didn’t give a damn.  He kicked his door open the rest of the way with his boot, jostling the three near trespassers backward a few more paces, and stalked down his steps and onto his sidewalk. 

That was when he finally understood the reason behind all of the commotion: one of the branches to the old oak tree that shielded his stoop, and had been there since the earliest days he could recall of his childhood, had crashed onto the pavement, cracking the sidewalk in half. 

A part of his iron fence, too, had crumbled under the weight of the broken branch, and there was an assortment of boxes, some severely banged up, scattered across his property. 

“What the...?  That’s my tree you idiots hit!  And my bleedin’ fence...!”

“I - I’m sorry, sir,” stammered the witch with wildly curly hair and worrisome brown eyes, hastily stepping forward to intervene.  

“I’ve been trying to figure out how this happened—”Severus turned his glare on her.  

“And who are you?”  The seemingly thirty-something woman blushed to her roots, which he couldn’t account for, until she spoke in a faint, insecure whisper, 

“Um, Hermione, sir...  Hermione Weasley.  Oh, gosh, I mean, I - I was Hermione Weasley until...”  She cleared her throat and attempted to reintroduce herself, flushing in such a manner that it flaunted dainty-looking freckles that dotted her cheeks and nose.  Had she always had those?  Severus couldn’t remember.  

“Oh, bother!  It’s Hermione Granger, Professor.  Surely, you...you remember me?”Severus went as rigid as a column.  

“Oh, for fuck’s sake...” he blurted aloud before he could stop himself. Hermione blinked, taken aback.  

“I’m sorry?”Severus’s shock morphed into a tight-fitting sneer.  

“I thought I was done with the lot of you.”

Any words of encouragement to other writers?

Try not to get too discouraged by lack of reviews or not making the recommendations lists.  Keep persevering and know that someone out there, even if it’s just one reader, will love what you have to share with the world.  

Thanks for spending some time with us today CRMediaGal, we’ve enjoyed getting to know you.