#I'll tag them for consistency so you'll know who is who >:)

[terrovaniadorm]

AHOY MERC!

Miren is having mixed feelings about this year's Halloween because he feels, well, off. Max and Samuel might know the reason why. :)

Jiyoon just wants to peacefully pass the night without any problems! Some people are not making it possible though :D

[HALLOWEEN EVENT - OPEN]

Honestly... Poor Max is clueless why Miren looks off he thought this was supposed to be a festive season! Samuel on the other hand... He's going to have some silly fun with Miren!

Have Jiyoon trying to ignore everything happening in the background, the yelling? The shaking? The llama? Don't worry about it just enjoy the party!

[braxlrose]

I miss ur writings sm :(

I am so sorry that I've been gone for so long, I haven't posted any fan fiction in so many months and honestly I lost motivation 😭 so many ppl who were in this fandom and I created a community with, were slowly getting over this "phase" and it definitely affected me. But I'm going to try and get back into writing. I hope this will do good for now! Ive had a lot of ppl recently ask for 2005 bill hcs, and I've done that before so if this is repetitive for something else I've written, sorry!

content warnings: none

a/n: I'll be updating my tag list since it hasn't been updated since like August of last year and I don't want to be tagging people who don't care or want to see these posts anymore. So if you wanna be tagged, let me know!

2005!bill kaulitz x f!reader

sfw:

- I'm an alternative person so whenever I write for bill, I always imagine him with an alternative girl 😞 even though from what I've seen he's never really been w/ an alternative one, BUT LETS PRETEND OKAY 🙏🙏

• he absolutely loves doing hair together, I think he enjoys helping you do your hair in the morning and your make up. And he's even more greatful if you do his makeup. Then he can just relax while you help him.

• pookie has crunchy ass hair at the end of the day when he has to wash it out, don't make fun of him 😞

• getting piercings together is something he LOVES doing with you. Mainly early piercings because he only has a tongue and eyebrow piercing on his face.

• if you made music too, he would always go to your concerts and basically scream the entire time. Hopefully, you'd do the same for him.

• if you have longer nails, head scratches are always a must and he will lay in your lap for literal hours while you pamper him.

- I personally think he would love to learn words in your language if you keep something different than German. And despite what anybody thinks, he finds it hilarious to learn the dirty words.

• if you cook him something from your culture, he will literally die. He basically thinks everything about you is so cool, and learning about a culture different from his is so exciting

• but if you two really want to date, you'll have to both try to learn English or each other language because there is going to be a hard language barrier between you two.

- I think one of the reasons he would've fallen in love with you is because you were upfront with him. He's not the type of guy to just go up and kiss someone so if you confess first, that would make things so much easier.

- obviously, you'd have to get along with Tom, Georg and Gustav. So if you don't, there's no way he'll go out with you, especially if you can't get along or hate Tom.

-Dates together consist of stuff you guys bought somewhere, or if you guys went to a fastfood restaurant.

• He doesn't have a lot of money yet so dates wouldn't exactly be high class, hopefully you don't mind 😉

-Since this is around the time Tokio Hotel is getting increasingly famous, there are fangirls around trying to flirt and ask out bill all the time and he has to shoo them off. He reminds you every night about how much he loves you and that those fan girls shouldn't bother you.

-he likes to spoon you a lot, and you two switch back n forth between him being the big spoon and the small spoon.

• I think he also really likes it when you lay on top of him, with your face in his neck and your legs wrapped around him. (This also works sitting upwards).

• cuddling with him is so nice too because he actually smells really good 😱

- I think he still gets very insecure sometimes because of the haters and people who harass the band because they don't like them and you reassure him a lot.

a/n pt 2: sorry this wasn't too long! I'm trying to get back into the groove of writing so if this is terrible I'm sorry 😞

taglist: none right now

[canonkiller]

Hi, I'm trying to do art commissions, but no one has commissioned me yet. Do you have any advice for attracting customers?

I wrote a lot of words for you in hopes that at least some of it will be helpful, so I'm putting the bulk of this answer below a read more to save people the scrolling. The quick and easy two tips that I find people forget to do the most are:

Is your art easy to find? Having a pinned post with a tag for your art, a link in your bio, or an art-focused / reblog-light blog (like this one!) make it so that people know you draw, and knowing you've been posting art for a while makes you less likely to be a scammer.

Is your commission info easy to find? People can't buy things that they don't know you're selling; clear and accessible links to your prices and terms are important.

Now for the real bulky meat of advice giving, where I say a lot of words that may or may not be relevant:

I have a lot of advice, but I do want to say before getting into it:

A lot of selling art (especially in a non-industry setting, like with social media commissions) is luck.

There is no one size fits all method for selling art, and it's best to go with what feels right to you (I'll go more into this later)

Tips for selling are not necessarily tips for creating, and there will be advice in here that I don't apply to myself. Determining what you do and do not implement is something you should decide for yourself and your work flow.

Your art not selling doesn't mean nobody cares about it.

Personally I think the idea of intentionally curating a single subject demographic of Customer and Consumer for your work is limiting and doomed to burnout in a non-industry space. I will also touch more on this later.

Now for the rest of it in varying orders:

✨ Attracting Customers

This one is going first because you mentioned it specifically. It is kind of vague though, by nature of the term, so what I advise doing is specifying.

When you are thinking of a customer, are you trying to appeal to:

People who will buy pre-made art products? (Pins, stickers, prints, etc)

People who will buy custom work? (Commissions for specific subject matter)

People who will buy art resources you've created? (Fonts, bases, texture packs, 3d models etc)

There's also frequency: a repeat customer of custom art will usually be appealed to more by a wide range of options (like illustrations), while you might get more single-purchase customers if you only offer a limited range of options (like only icons).

Demographics also, of course, play a substantial role in just custom art commissions; furries get lauded as high spenders, but they're also a huge community that is focused around OCs, so by statistics alone they will have more people with spending money and will be frequent customers of people drawing OCs. A narrower audience means fewer people, but often the spread of the people within that audience is the same - and at the end of the day, selling an art piece only requires one other person, it's just a matter of happening to find them.

The follow up question is of course the finding: the average artist in fandom spaces selling commissions does not have the platform or budget for an ad campaign. This, however, is also its own category:

✨ Posting Online

Right out the gate: anyone who has told you that just drawing x thing is the way to get easy money is wrong.

"If you draw more fan art, you'll -" wrong.

"Nobody cares about that, you should be drawing this instead -" wrong.

"if you need to sell fast, just sell porn -" wrong. And also re-evaluate your perceived lack of quality or value about the subject.

The things you will be able to create easily and consistently will be the things YOU, SPECIFICALLY, like to create. It is also entirely impossible that you are the only person on earth to have ever liked those things, which means that if you create them, there are people out there who will enjoy them.

It feels itchy to be like "and those people are Potential Customers", but it is true; your work will resonate with people. They will want you to create it. It is vitally important to your own well being that the things you create, that you want others to enjoy, are things you enjoy as well.

(This is also why the "just draw porn" joking advice that gets tossed around is particularly fucked up. You as the artist should not feel forced into drawing things you aren't comfortable with, and the vast majority of customers for explicit content also don't want the people making it to feel forced into doing so. It's basic consent. I have strong feelings about this.)

If you are creating things and putting them out into the world, they will find an audience. That audience may be one singular person! The number does not matter, because that's still a person who - again, sucks to frame ig this way - has the potential to buy things from you.

If you're constantly chasing a bigger follower count, more interactions, etc etc for the future, it can genuinely be pretty taxing on the people who want to support you in the present. When you enjoy someone's work, and want to support them, being told constantly that that support is not good enough is frustrating. Trying to follow your work should not lead to seeing more "likes are WORTHLESS and NOBODY reblogs my things" posts than it does art. You are a person making things to share with other people, and you have to remember it or you will burn yourself out into a desiccated husk.

TL:DR consistency is key and the easiest way to be consistent is to just draw whatever the fuck you live drawing in whatever ways you want to draw it, and then slap it on the internet somewhere and Keep Doing That

✨ The Actual Commission Information

this one is just factual really. A lot of artists have really shitty commission sheet layouts, because advertising graphic design and illustrative art are different skill sets. That's fine. You don't have to remake the wheel. A good commission sheet should include:

More images than text (if you can't see what the examples are when zoomed out, you have to rearrange or cut down on words)

Examples organized by price / type, and clearly labeled

Your personal favourites for examples - one really strong example piece is better than twenty tiny images of work you think is just "okay"

Contact information - having a method that works WITHOUT a social media account (email.) Is important and way easier to keep organized, imo

A SIMPLE list of strengths (the things you draw the best) and things you won't draw (common example: mechs). You do not need to list every fandom or subject matter. Limit yourself to a top five.

A clear and easy to type link for your terms of service. Carrd, and sites like it, is good for this. This will go into details about your process, what you will and won't do, permissions granted to the commissioner (like "no, you can't make an NFT with this"), your privacy policy (saying you won't sell commissioner details to third parties), and other stuff. You do not want to have all of this on your original post, because it should be thorough and you want your main post to be showcasing your work and not your legalese. Here's mine as a reference; if you have trouble writing your own, feel free to copy from it and make the necessary alterations for your work.

✨ There Was More I Was Going To Write But I Forgot

I have a different document of commission related talk here, which is also incomplete but in a different way. It's in my nature. Hopefully some combination of this and that can be useful to you. Sorry if they're not. I love you have a nice day

[jojo-oliver]

How to tumblr for artists… my own version

A collection of things that have been working for me, but may not work for everyone

~~~ your posts ~~~

!!!reblog your own stuff!!! you need to reblog your own stuff, there is nothing morally wrong with reblogging your own stuff regularly. in fact, it is morally right to allow the chance for more people to see your artwork.

~~~ queue it!! ~~~ my queue is 500 posts strong. maybe don't try to make your queue hundreds of posts strong in the same day omg but like… once every month or two i'll go through my whole blog and just scroll and "add to drafts" to every one of my own posts i have. then i'll use the "mass post editor" to add content warning tags. and add to queue, and shuffle. and then I write down what the date was for when I last added my posts to be reblogged on queue. this is helped by turning on timestamps for posts in tumblr "dashboard preferences" settings.

queueing is necessary and life saving for me. It takes out so much work with decision fatigue and the anxiety around posting. It also guarantees that even if I suddenly need time off or away from my phone, I don't just disappear and lose all traction. It also breaks the instant-gratification cycle that you expect when you finish an artwork. It's hard to keep creating when you post something and, when you're expecting to get that gratification, you get none... If you queue your new artwork to come out at a later time, you've separated that expectation - with time. It hurts less and contributes to a more consistent gratification thing instead of peaks and troughs.

~~~ tag ya stuff ~~~ when you're making a new post, the first 20 tags are what gets put into the searchable tags. do not feel shame for using lots of tags. shame is the mind-killer. tags are hard. hard to know what to tag a post with. hard to remember the tags. so I found some ways to help myself. maybe they'll help you too. dedicate some time towards just figuring out what tags you want to use. i have a list in my phone notes that i add tags to and reference whenever i'm making a new post. i have the phone right beside the laptop while i'm tagging so that i can just look at it and scroll. tags are the only way for people to find your artwork, other than people manually coming to your blog because they saw you somewhere. there is no algorithm. posting without tags, until you have an established fanbase, is throwing something into the void.

When I'm doing tag research, I look at what people seem to use - when you put something in the search bar, tumblr recommends you some that have a higher following, typically. Looks like this on desktop:

if you like one tag, look at what other people who use that tag also tag their posts with. Observe and learn how this tag is used. search through a bunch of them and write them down.

here's what i got in my notes, for the specific kind of art I post and look for:

these tags are sort of specific to me and the kind of art I make. You'll want to research your own tags, but this is an example of how I keep them organized to make posting more effective. I generally only write down a tag when it's got more than 2k followers. You might be tempted to use the tags with millions of followers, but I've actually found those a lot less functional for small artists. If your stuff doesn't immediately get a bunch of notifications, you're drowned out and pushed to the bottom much faster. But the bigger tags are better than no tags, so I keep them if I can't think of anything else to tag something with.

~~~ post at the right times….? ~~~

fridays and saturdays is when I post fresh new things... usually. every website has it's own peak hours, and you can find those hours in many different online articles that try to sell you social media growth services. tumblr is unique in having later hours.

here's some random graph from google images:

please don't over think this. please don't let this consume the idea of when to post, preventing you from posting at all. it doesn't mean too much - if you post during very active hours, maybe your art would just be pushed down the feed faster. if you post at the end of hours, maybe everyone's going to sleep… if you post at inactive hours, maybe there's less 'competition'… if you post at the beginning of active hours, maybe that's just more time for your post to circulate for the day, if you have enough people reblogging it once it drops....

this also is in EST. So fuck the other time zones, I guess. I'm over here in europe knowing that the "best" time to post would be like 2-3am or something. It's like this for most english-speaking majority sites - higher traffic in north american time zones.

it's also worth mentioning that this is scattered as heck, compared to other social media sites. and it's not like, the activity times of your followers. it's not the best time to post for your niche. this is just tumblr, broadly. all of tumblr.

~~~ Plan ahead for annual dates ~~~

Your artwork will get more circulation if it's posted on a celebratory day. You could just put them on your calendar and if you're wondering what to make, look on the calendar for what's coming soon. For example, asexual awareness day, trans day of visibility, location-specific holidays, etc. Here's my phone notes thing with my own recorded annuals:

I got these dates from googling and reading different articles, but I find that I still miss dates, and then I add them for next year. If you know of some I missed, tell me and I'll add them please <3

~~~ reblog other people's stuff ~~~

tumblr is sorta about ecosystems. things get passed around within groups of people that are all following eachother. to enter this ecosystem, you must engage and reblog other people's stuff too.

if you reblog other artists' stuff, sometimes they'll come over and reblog your stuff too. sometimes they'll follow you back. this is called becoming a mutual. I'll search specific tags for the kinds of people I want to follow and the kind of art I like - those are listed in the screenshot of my tag note under "Tags for finding new people".

I see a lot of blogs out there that are very clean, posts are tagless, and are only for the artists' content. like scrolling through a portfolio. I imagine this is good for people who are migrating to tumblr but already have their own established fanbase from elsewhere.

you don't need to do reblog other people's stuff on your art blog, you can do this on a separate blog. but if the two don't look very closely correlated, it's hard to tell who you are when you're interacting. and hard to make sure people know that you are the same person as your art blog. and you gotta remember to promote yourself on your personal blog.

~~~ have an art tag ~~~

make your blog easy to search!

if i go to your blog, and you've written 'artist' or 'sometimes art' in your bio, i wanna see it… it make me so sad when i don't get to see it. i want to reblog it. please let me reblog it :(

to make a tag on your own blog searchable, you don't need to repost it to add a tag. you don't even need to reblog it. you can actually just go back to the original post and edit it to add your tag. I've seen post people just have their art tag be something like #(blogname)art . you can see my own in my tags image above. if it's very unique, then it'll work tumblr-wide. I think that's good, since the tumblr search function is really weird. Otherwise it should still work if it's not entirely unique, people just have to make sure they're searching specifically your blog to see only your stuff.

I like to have a link in my pinned post where people can click to have immediately searched for my art tag. Convenience is king. Keep in mind that most people are on mobile, and if something isn't immediately clickable, they often won't find it.

~~~ be consistent and be patient ~~~

!!!this time will pass anyway!!! how many notes you have is not correlated with how good you are as an artist. wanting to earn something from your art means you essentially have two jobs. two potentially full time jobs. this shit's difficult. most of the job is promoting yourself. don't undersell how hard it is to do… don't feel bad for not immediately succeeding. I would write about how hard it's been to promote myself, but it would just be long and sad I think.

This isn't a full guide, please feel free to add more!!

I'm sure in another year I'll disagree with a lot of this, it will become irrelevant with time, and I'll have a lot of different opinions. Chip in and share what you've been doing? Teach me? This is very overwhelming. Don't do it all at once, just like, try one thing at a time, and see how it works for you. Your niche might be different. One size does not fit all. If you're confused about some of the things I talk about in here, you might be on mobile. I do most of my queueing and posting from the desktop browser version.

I will update this with more as things change, but I think you'll have to click through to see the updated post

[slasher-male-wife]

Slashers with an s/o who steals their clothes

I got this idea from someone writing this about cod characters if I find their account I'll tag them for credit but I thought this was a very cute idea. I tried to stick to bigger slashers so it makes more sense that a wider net of reader can fit in their clothes.

Includes: The Sinclair brothers (separate), Jesse Cromeans, and Jason Voorhees

Warnings: Vague mentions of different body sizes for reader, mostly fluff, possessive language used, reader is heavily implied to be shorter than most characters in this

Lester Sinclair

He'd be very happy to share clothes with you. If you're a similar or smaller size than him he adores seeing you in his clothes. Doesn't matter what of his you're wearing he loves it.

If you're a bigger size than him he'll honestly steal your clothes with permission, "Hey sweetpea is it ok if I wear one of your shirts?" You'll often say yes.

If you get comments from either of his brothers he'll defend you. Why should they care if you're wearing one if his shirts? What does it matter?

Your wardrobe will really consist of his clothes if you're a similar size to him once you're officially a new member of Ambrose. He could give you clothes of victims but he honestly doesn't want you wearing their clothes. You wearing his clothes makes him feel more connected to you.

Bo Sinclair

He's very smug about it when he sees you wearing some of his clothes. Oh you thought you could just wear one of his shirts without getting him to be an absolute ass about it? You're wrong.

"Well I don't remember telling you that you could wear my clothes darlin'." But don't try to take it off when he says that, "I'm not saying you can't wear it. Just ask me first."

If he's feeling really possessive that day he'll have you walk around the house or the town in all of his clothes if you can fit into them. He likes how something as simple as the shirt you're wearing can tell him and you just who you "belong" to.

Like with Lester, when you first really become a resident of Ambrose he'll offer up some of his old clothes for you to wear. You're probably going to opt for clothes from victims but when the time rolls around that you wear one of his shirts he's not letting you hear the end of it.

Vincent Sinclair

Please wear one of his sweaters he's begging you. Well not really begging out right but when he sees you wearing some clothes of his he stops in his tracks and picks up his sketch book immediately.

Loves it if his sweater is baggy at all on you. Also loves it if his sweater fits you just right. No matter how his clothes fit on you he's taking time out of his day to memorialize it. Whether that be by filming you in his clothes, drawing you, painting you, sculpting you, etc, he's going to do it.

If he can fit into your clothes he's stealing them too. He'll avoid getting paint and wax all over them and if you're wearing his clothes he'll make sure you wear ones that don't have wax and paint all over them.

Won't force you to wear his clothes when you're first staying with him because he doesn't want to scare you more than he has to.

Jesse Cromeans

This man really only wears a suit and everything else he owns is black. I'd assume he owns countless black suits that just look the same so if you're into black suits you're in luck. But if he ever saw you trying on one of his suits he'd laugh with you about how big it is. Because Jesse is like 6'7 and a mountain of a man.

Would stop to admire you if you're wearing one of his just regular shirts or whatever pants he sleeps in. Let's be honest, he has cameras everywhere in his house so if he's out on "business" and you're wearing his clothes, he expects you to be wearing one article of his clothes when he gets home.

When he knows he's going to be gone for awhile he'll douse some of his clothes in his signature scent and conveniently leave them laying around for you to find.

But when you are wearing his clothes he can't keep his hands off of you, unless you tell him to stop, then he will. But if you seem ok with it or if you go as far as to tell him you want him to hold you even more he's going to have you in his lap all night long.

Jason Voorhees

When it's cold outside he's already giving you his coat to wear. He worries so much about you all the time and he wants to make sure that you're comfortable Y/n.

He finds sharing clothes to be very intimate and very romantic. When he notices you wearing his clothes he gets all red faced and has to step out of the room for a moment.

If you're smaller than him he finds it very cute how baggy his clothes are on you. But if you're similar in size to him he just adores how good you look in his clothes.

A lot of your clothes come from victims at first and Jason wishes he could get you better clothes, but when you start sharing clothes he feels a little better about it. Also likes how it serves as a reminder that he's always there for you.

[sentfromwolves]

◈—⌈ SENTFROMWOLVES ⌋ writeblr introduction ²⁰²⁴

Hi everyone, and welcome to my writeblr 2024 introduction. My name is Eran (they/he & freshly thirty) and I've been on writeblr for awhile, so you might've seen me around. ( •̀ ω •́ ) This is my yearly post to introduce the projects I'll be working on this year, what I write, and who I am. I'll be keeping it short and sweet.

I'd love to meet more writers this year, so if you write any of the following, or just like these genres, or even just wanna shout about ocs together, come holler and I'll give you a follow!

◈ — sci-fi and fantasy of any kind! cozy fantasy, romantasy, epic fantasy, space opera? this is my bread and butter, and I love shouting about it from the rooftops with others! ◈ — found families, ot3s, complicated soulmates. I am almost always writing about soulmates who have either killed each other at least once in the past or are planning some sort of murder. Complicated relationships, especially found families that aren't all rainbows and butterflies, are right up my alley. ◈ — queer and trans protagonists, large queer casts! all of my wips feature trans/nonbinary leads, and I'm always looking for more queer writer friends to connect with! ◈ — hope at the end of the tunnel, but hell to get to. I write stories with hopeful endings, with the sun on the horizon, with the promise that something better might now at long last be on the way. I love seeing characters get put through hell, but I love it even more when they make it to the other side. (if you write tragedy though, please know I will still cry on your doorstep if you'll have me) ◈ — corruption arcs, redemption arcs, sometimes both! Deeply nuanced characters with messy attitudes, and even messier actions. I'm just as equally obsessed with cool worldbuilding as I am with character-driven things, and I will yell about ocs all day, and maybe draw them too >:3 ◈ — big, epic, and sweeping worldbuilding! I am a huge fan of delving into the worldbuilding aspect of my wips. I love building magic systems, cultures, geographies, and more. One of my 2024 projects is doing a worldbuilding experiment blog at some point. I am always down to clown over worldbuilding, whether to sound board or just holler together!

There's a lot more I could say here, but this post can only get so long! Σ(っ °Д °;)っ my dms are always open, and I will follow back most of the time! But just to get all of the basics outta the way:

◈—« here's a quick and dirty rundown of how I work! »—◈

➺ I interact and follow from @calamityeden, so if you see that username, it's just me.✌️I am most active on discord, and if we become friends, you're more than welcome to ask to add me there. ➺ I am open to being tagged in writeblr games! Just know that I am not online all the time, and might be slow to respond to them. 🐌 ➺ My ask box and DMs are open, just please be respectful. I love meeting new writers and talking about projects! I am happy to chat and make new friends. You're always welcome! 💌 ➺ This is a strictly 18+ writeblr. Please DNI with me if you are a minor and respect my boundaries.

🪄You can find my core tags here under my writing and my graphics, as well as writer reminders, game train and catharsis. (❁´◡`❁) And now onto the fun part! My 2024 main project line up!

I have my main four listed here that you'll probably hear me yelling about pretty consistently, but I've also got a lot of other projects rattling around in my brain. So if you're ever curious about a project that's not here, feel free to yell at me about it! >:3

Genre: Dark Urban Fantasy Standalone.

Status: First Draft Complete (117k)—Revising for beta round one.

There's a clock tattooed on Nemesis's wrist, and when it reaches midnight on his 21st birthday, it will kill him. It doesn't help that his mom is the one that cursed him, and the demon currently possessing his car ate her before Nemesis could convince her to break the damned thing. Thankfully, Judge came prepared with an alternative: help him break into a mythical living city and steal its heart, and in return, he'll shatter Nemesis's curse for free. Accompanied by a three-headed hellhound, a haunted holy sword, and an excommunicated exorcist, Judge and Nemesis set their sights on an impossible heist. But the closer Nemesis gets to the heart, the more he begins to realize that he isn't the only one under a curse. And if he doesn't find a way to break Judge's soon, his own life will be forfeit as well.

Genre: Space Opera

Status: 2024 zero drafting from scratch

Two hundred years ago, humanity expanded to the stars only to find a cosmos filled with graves. But then their children began displaying the strange ability to commune with the alien ruins scattered across the planets, waking ancient, extrasolar mecha from their sleep, and turned the struggling colonies of space explorers into the fledgling galactic nation of Sol Galatea.  Now, Wren Akane is on the run from the whole galaxy, wanted for the strange alien powers throbbing through his veins. His luck runs out when he accidentally awakens an ancient Relic in the desert of his planet, only to be embedded with the memories of its last pilot and the revelation that the war that littered the cosmos with graves is far from over. But no one believes Wren when he tells them that continuing to wake the Relics will bring the hostile alien empire that destroyed them back to Sol Galatea’s doorstep. Only Wren’s rival pilot, Marek Khalid, seems interested in a word Wren has to say. But Marek doesn’t want to save Sol Galatea. He has big plans for what to do when the aliens arrive, a rebellion to lead, and if Wren isn’t on his side, he’s in his way. With time running out, Wren must soon decide how far he’s willing to go to save the people that never tried to save him—or if Marek is right, and he should let the stars burn instead.

Genre: Adult Romantasy

Status: First Draft (1k/100k)

Once a year, Celestials from all across the Lumina Kingdom gather together for Eventide, the season of courtship, hoping to win the hand of the most eligible star at court. Sirius knows the game they play all too well: by day, he is the forgettable, miserable daughter of the Lumina Family, least of his seven siblings and wanted only for the royal blood running through his veins.  By night, however, Sirius is the Starweaver—the mysterious dressmaker taking the kingdom by storm. Everyone wants to know the identity of the one responsible for elaborate outfits that turn even the quietest Celestial in the room into the star of the show, outshining even Sirius’s luminous sibling, Diana. When the infamous King Beyond Midnight arrives with the intent to wed Diana, Sirius finds his secret in jeopardy when the condition for their hand in marriage is a simple challenge: reveal the Starweaver's true identity. There’s no outsmarting Octavian for long, and soon, Sirius will have to make a choice: give up on his passion and stay hidden forever, or risk everything to stay true to who he really is.

Genre: Second World Urban Fantasy

Status: Outlining

Something changes the day that Nakano Touya returns to the crumbling city of Soma Lux. It starts with voices in the radio static, blurry figures caught on camera, always out of focus. When a monster crawls out of Touya's television screen and eats him, the last thing he expects is to find a strange, shadowy otherworld lurking on the other side. But his biggest problem isn't the monsters of the otherworld that want to eat him, or the talking cat that saved him, now living in his apartment without a care in sight. Soma Lux is experiencing a strange new epidemic—one that Touya is completely unaffected by. But when his half-sister falls comatose, Touya knows he has to get to the bottom of it all to save her—and find out why he's the only one immune. Accompanied by his jaded ex-boyfriend, Touya’s nosy classmates, a part-time fortune teller, and a cantankerous old hag, Touya dives into the murky underbelly of Soma Lux, where the realities have begun to bleed together between his world and the next. 

That's all for now! >:3 Here's to an amazing 2024! (also my actual blog is a mess right now please do not mind it ksjndfskfn)

[lovedianagrey]

soukoku fics: recs and reviews

look, i really like fanfiction. and i've always felt people sometimes don't give good enough reasons to actually read a lot of it. if you scroll down enough, you'll see i did that too. so i thought i'd help out some people that don't know what to read tonight. you'll notice i took my reviewing seriously hgdsafvkhagsv i'll add more in my reblogs as i go on with this review style, but for now, here are three fanfics that pushed me to do this. fair warning, they're long ones.

A Lesson in Thorns by arkastadt

Word Count: 454,556

Tags: Arranged Marriage, BSD Beast!AU, Canon Divergence, Slow Burn, Character Death, Heavy Angst, Happy Ending, Ghosts, So Much Smut

Review:

As one of the longest fics I’ve ever read, it took me three days to read it, and a lot of lost sleep. A Lesson in Thorns is a journey that no one is truly prepared for. It’s surprising, I think, how one only notices the slow burn in the beginning, and forget they didn’t start out together in the end. So many things happen in the span of those fifty chapters, and so many feelings arise alongside their events. The reader watches Chuuya grow into himself, despite the haunting (hehe) that surrounds him by the end. Dazai becomes a man wishing to live, despite becoming a ghost of who he used to be. It’s quite magical, the way the story builds upon itself. What is usually some home, this piece makes an empire. 

This author appealed a lot to the wants and needs within these characters, making a paced build up to the challenges the characters face. Furthermore, there is a wonderful line of thought that is unwavering, consistent to the very end. The reader meets Chuuya getting ready to be married. A deal has been struck with the Port Mafia, and as the leader of the Sheep, Chuuya must marry their boss. A questionable and confusing task, but Chuuya has no more cards under his sleeve, and he has to save Shirase from the pending prison sentence. He walks into where he is to be married, looking to find a wrinkled, aging man. Instead, he faces the bandaged limbs and cunning eye of Dazai Osamu, and the story truly begins. 

The reader already knows it’s not a choice left for random that Dazai takes Chuuya under his wing. It’s already stated that on the first day in his position as the boss, right after killing Mori and sixteen months before he and Chuuya marry, he finds the redhead. A search that is broken down as the story unravels, and an effort that builds them and breaks them apart and puts them back together. 

This fanfic is clearly derived from a lot of the factors pointed in Bungou Stray Dogs’s BEAST light novel, which in my eyes makes it all the more interesting. I tried to give a short insight into the beginning with as much care as I could without creating any spoilers for the reading. I guess from me, all my notes just say it’s worth it. This fic really drags you through so many stages of feelings and excitements, and it builds off from them until you reach a new peak all over again. 

On Deathless Feet by AbsoluteNegation

Word Count: 71,848

Tags: Caretaking, Controlling Arahabaki, Canon-Divergence, Port Mafia and Post-Port Mafia, Smut

Review:

There are some stories that find themselves tucked into a hidden corner. It does not make them any less, and it does not make them any better, it just makes them quiet. Which in turn, when they are finally found, makes them all the more surprising. That is how I feel about On Deathless Feet, tucked in a corner of Ao3, and all incredibly surprising. 

Written with a nonlinear narrative, the reader meets the famed Double Black in different moments, recently met, in the middle of their rise through the ranks, at the brink of their end, after their disconnection with years of silence. AbsoluteNegation makes a wonderful story threaded in different moments, contextualizing their uncomfortable return to each other with interruptions back to their old lives before Dazai’s split from the Port Mafia. The author mainly focuses on Arahabaki, and Chuuya’s relationship with understanding the singularity as it slips out of control. Dazai is sent in to help counter it throughout their time together, and long stretches of contact are needed to get it down to normal. 

With a state of constant carataking, the two are thrusted into communion, needing to learn to accept living with each other for the time being. It isn’t a foreign feeling, seeing the other there, but at the end of the day it’s hard for the two with all that past. A past the author explores in detail just as much, not holding back on making it layered and pretty and very intense. They are creatures of passion, that’s what drives this ship and makes it so loved, and the author doesn’t shy away from building on it. Just as well, however, does the author place their own touch to their relationship, with the care and devotion the two also experiment between them. This fanfic is a welcomed balance to the rockier roads often explored surrounding these two. It never lacks sharpness, but it definitely warms the heart.

music for our funeral by itotypes

Word Count: 67,723

Tags: No Smut, Angst, 70s, Musicians!AU, Drug Abuse, References to Child Neglect, Songwriting, Artistic Lyricism

Review:

Music for our funeral by itotypes is a breathtaking composition, and there is not much like it. Set in the 70s, the author explores the surrounding setting of the rock genre, and writes a story of struggle and connection. Starting out with a run-away teenager, we meet Dazai’s lackluster perfection, the narrative often picturing him as a clinical artist. After leaving home, we watch him make himself something, and see him survive until he looks to live. Meanwhile, the other side of the piece plays with a striving perfectionist, and a reckless guitarist, in the form of Chuuya. The man comes from a struggling family (a stark contrast to the origins of his partner), and finds himself lost in the music. 

An interesting part of the story is that we get to know the characters before they meet. In a way, it allows the reader to explore the lives privy to the explosion, and before the pining and intensity that sparks between the two. One of the most appreciative factors that make this story one of my personal favorites is the usage of images throughout it. With beautiful lyrics exploring the essence of a character’s beliefs without them needing to admit it to themselves, there is a clear view into the conflicts and selfish needs that each character has. 

This author’s work is best described as an ode to music. It comes as a surprise at times, the way words fit together in reverence to this branch of artistry. Yet the fact that it’s done through another form of storytelling, through the use of words on a screen instead of notes on one’s ear, makes it all the more captivating. There is no question this is a must read. 

[kikiwooo]

notes: gn reader

WOULD YOU RATHER...

Imagine being Layla's sibling, older or younger, I'll leave the decision to you.

Whether you're older or younger, you'll have so much responsibility. Constantly running after Layla to not get herself in trouble, oh by the way, this also consists giving Johnson driving lessons. Have fun. Hmm, Ixia looks quite suspicious don't you think? It's too bad that you're also assigned to be her babysitter guide/teacher. But don't you worry, you have protection within the shadows. From far away, Nolan's gaze watches you with pride, doing your assignments around the Eruditio, running around huffing and puffing when the things didn't go the way you wanted. While Layla took after your mother, you're just like your dad, Nolan, and he's proud of that.

OR...

Imagine being Gord's student, along with Valir and Vale.

Gord doesn't know how much sanity he has left but he's this(🤏) close to snap Valir into millions of pieces. Usually it's Vale who has the brains of the group but he sometimes can't help but to get into silly little arguments with the boy who controls the fire(s).. so it's ups to you who parts them away before Gord does. Hanging out with them never gets bored because Valir always has something to say even if it's random, and it's just you and Vale tagging along with him. Training sometimes gets a bit out of the hand, because you know..fire and wind. But in the end, they're both reliable friends, even if the three of you give Gord intense headaches, deep down he cares for all of you.

© @/kikiwooo

[aliceinclockland]

Cardcaptor Magicians and their Ceremonial Clothings

Welcome to Episode one of my random Cardcaptor Blabberings (or blabblecaptor— it's a working tag title), a "series" where I talk about random Cardcaptor things without doing that much deep diving because I hate too much research.

Since I'm notorious for starting things and not being consistent to the point of not even continuing what I started, let's see how this one goes. 😆 I'm also bad at words so wish me luck.

I'd like to start this off by saying 2 things:

this all started because I saw Sakura's pointy hat and got reminded by Kaito's ceremonial robe... then got reminded of Eriol's robe right after.

this isn't a serious analyzation of their outfits, given the reason i wanted to blabber about this is their pointy hats. also I'm more of a Nadeshiko when it comes to fashion: so far from the word 💀

Lastly, take this as a silly post while I try to learn how Tumblr works. I don't want people to use this as a source (or anything similar) because at the end of the day, this is all just silly typings of someone who excels in associating the most random stuff with each other without being able to explain why.

With all of that out of the way, Let's get started!

lold what i said earlier, the moment i saw Sakura's color page in Chapter 74 my mind went straight into Kaito's robe, and when my brain went to remind me of Kaito's ceremonial robe colored page, it immediately went to Eriol, and then started to compare the three, asking myself about their similarities aside from the initial idea of this entire post, the pointy hats.

starting off with the robes, all 3 of them have their attires in the color black. idk why it's like that, but it makes the gold in their clothing shine more i guess 😆

the patterns the clothings have also are (mostly. just in case if there's a part where it's not) symmetrical, visibly seen within the designs on the torso parts (in this case, Eriol & Sakura's chest (?) part, and Yuna D. Kaito's back). I could say it's the magicians' insignia but just in case it's not I'll just say symmetrical symbols 😅

but, surely that's not the only similarities, right?

well, aside from the pointy hats™ and the color scheme & patterns their robes have, I also realized that they're also all powerful magicians~

Eriol is Clow's reincarnation, and according to various Cardcaptor characters, he (Clow) was the most powerful magician to ever exist (but also the most fucked up one as well, i guess.)

Given that Clow's reincarnation were 2 people (he thought he could divide his magical abilities between them), Eriol still (unfortunately) got all of the magic, and most of Clow's memories, literally passing down his title of being the most powerful magician onto Eriol.

This manchild can do lots of things, and his memory of his past life helps him excel in some of everyday skills a "normal child" would struggle with (ie. baking, drawing, sewing, speaking a language, etc). But, no one knows that— not even Sakura until he told her that himself.

also I'd like to point out the fact that despite a lot of his robe's designs were in gold (color, who knows if it's really gold? I don't.), the lining of his outfit is in red.

not sure if Clow's robe is similar (if not the same) or anything but if it is, has his robe been passed down from generations before him? and if so, which side of Clow's family was the robe from?

Yuna D. Kaito is also a powerful magician— in fact, one of (if not the) highest ranks in the Magical Association. (that's the D. in his name— it wasn't his middle name and in fact, Yuna D. Kaito probably isn't his real name) He can do lots of things, but he specializes in Time Magic... which is considered a taboo since you'll get a fucked up alternative world when YOU fucked up using that kind of magic... and also a shorter life-span but let's not delve much into that so this post won't go to the depressing direction 😁

And in regards of his robe, one can argue that the robe isn't really exclusively HIS, since you can see in the picture I've used that there are other people with him wearing the same clothing (assuming it's his clan's) so i suggest burning their headquarters down to ashes to make it YDK's own robe 😆😆

note: a kind friend in the comments pointed out my mistake of associating Yuna D. Kaito and Lilie Shinomoto's clans as one: their clans differ from each other. Yuna D. Kaito's in particular are a congregation of magicians that aren't blood-related and are officially referred to as "Magic Association".

i have no idea what to call his or Lilie's clans yet, but for now I'll refer to those as their respective clans 😅

Now onto the main Protagonist of the series: Sakura Kinomoto. In Tomoyo's words, "The only Cardcaptor in the world"

Started as a girl that had little magic that managed to grew stronger and stronger, then now having one of the abilities Clow had— creating cards (or new magic) on her own.

Though one can argue that she won't be able to do that if Yuna D. Kaito wasn't pulling the strings in the background, keep in mind that Momo said she saw right past Eriol's magic protection [to contain Sakura's magic]. Plus, in the Sakura Arc (where she technically created new cards but under a "template"), Eriol was pulling the strings as well and yet her powers still managed to grow, probably beyond people's expectations.

Her ever-growing power might be hard to control for her, but she's doing her best to utilize it in protecting the ones she cherishes the most.

Now the upcoming argument about Sakura's"ceremonial attire"... well, technically Sakura doesn't have one, and you can't really call that outfit a robe, but most of the details in a ceremonial robe (at least CLAMP's robes) present: the neutral color, the symmetrical design, and the gold lining/design.

I like to consider it her own ceremonial robe— made in a very fitting and unique image of Sakura, that only she will wear.

speaking of different, there are other powerful magicians that doesn't follow the same "ceremonial outfit" pattern so I thought I'd show them too!

here we have the Shinomoto Ceremonial Outfit, worn by the beautiful Akiho Shinomoto in this color page!

sorry about the picture if it's not clean... i tried so hard to find a textless one (same as yuna d. kaito) but unfortunately I couldn't.

now about the details aside from the pointy hat: the neutral color + gold lining & symmetrical detail scheme is there, but the difference with the 1st three and their robe is that the neutral color used with the Shinomotos' were white, as opposed to the first three who used black.

i know you've seen this already but since I'm talking about Lilie here in specifics I'd like to put this here are well: a kind friend in the comments pointed out my mistake of associating Yuna D. Kaito and Lilie Shinomoto's clans as one: their clans differ from each other, and that Lilie's (though only officially referred to as "most ancient magician clan in Europe") clan is blood-related, as opposed to Yuna D. Kaito's.

again, no idea what I'll call their respective clans separately yet, so I'll probably refer to them as their respective clans for now— though i have a few ideas xd

another difference is that the hat may be a bit pointy, but it's not as pointy as the three, and that the hat has three pointy things instead of just one.... okay, maybe not that pointy, but, still pointy 😅

okay that's too many pointy, let's get back on track 😁

the difference is blatantly obvious about this one, and I really can't cross Lilie Shinomoto out from one of the most powerful magicians CCS has ever introduced, since she had strong premonition powers and she was also considered a very powerful magician that's feared within Yuna D. Kaito's Clan. I mean it would take lots of powerful magic to be even able to cross time and dreams for that long just to tell Sakura about the truth in their (now fabricated) timeline?

but i wonder why is their robe different than the others?

we'll get back to that later, if i remember it. 😆

speaking of pointy hats™, you know a magician who doesn't have a pointy hat?

He's none other than Li Clan's next leader and Sakura's most important person, Syaoran Li!

one can never talk about ceremonial outfits without remembering Syaoran's iconic ceremonial outfits! with S because he has two— 1st one (in the pictures) being the original clothing he has, and the 2nd one Tomoyo made for him that was inspired by the one he used to have.

our little wolf is special~ from being Sakura's rival in the Clow Card Arc to being Sakura's most important person? He has learned so much and grew stronger along the way.

now about the details: his clothing doesn't really follow the usual attire pattern: the dominant color of his robe is green, the designs are indeed symmetrical, but the linings are both orange and yellow instead of the usual neutral pallete... his hat also doesn't have a pointy thing on it and instead has a hanging detail on the back.

"what about the attire Tomoyo made for him? it has 2 pointy things!" yeah well you're right, and as much as I gave the effort to add his Clear Card arc ceremonial outfit, I'm realizing now that it's not really an official robe now, is it...

about the clear card ceremonial attire, one can argue the same thing as they thought about Sakura while reading this blabber (if anyone has gotten though this far), "That isn't even a ceremonial ROBE". and you're right, it isn't... since it was Tomoyo's work, inspired from the original one. 😅

so think of it the same way as Sakura— made in the fitting and unique image of Syaoran, that only he could wear.

I guess the main couple of the series have that one as a similarity in regards to this random topic I've thought about. 💚

sooooooo what does this mean? why is his so different than the others?

is he not as powerful as the ones listed?

well. probably.

but he's not entirely powerless— his entire bloodline is directly related to Clow, and in addition, his mother Yelan Li is also a powerful sorceress. So they're powerful.

I mean would the Li Clan even let someone not as powerful as Yelan to be the next in line to lead? Of course not, since being able to have magic and to be able to properly control it are probably some basic requirements to be even considered as a candidate.

But in CCS at the moment, his magic wasn't enough to turn all of the Sakura Cards into those little orbs he kept on his compass. He's even having a hard time converting just one. And if I remember this correctly, he was aided by her mother (by casting the magic he needed in the bears) when he snatched the Sakura Cards from their master.

I'd say he's not as powerful NOW probably because everything happened too fast, and that he didn't have much time to make his magic stronger to get at least within Sakura's power level. Besides, he has lots of potential, and we all know he's a strong one so it's about just a matter of time until he reach his full power.

Now this entire post got me thinking about things as I was typing it.

Mostly they're questions I had to ask, like "okay, now what?" "Why did I do this?" especially because the original plan i had was to only have Eriol, Yuna D. Kaito & Sakura here but I thought I'd be unfair to the Lilie & Akiho, and Syaoran since they both have their own as well...

I really didn't think that one through when I started typing, but the more I think of things to type, the more I asked myself, is the ceremonial clothing an indicator of how powerful you are?

and it's probably a "duh." moment, since the ones who have robes are part of clans AND are also powerful.

(note that Clow was from a union of a European Magician AND an Asian Magician so imo- technically he's still part of BOTH clans, if each of his parents were part of one)

it's probably more of "if you're in an association with lots of other magicians", considering the fact that some of the ceremonial clothings were passed down to the living blood-relative of the family— hence why Sakura doesn't have one and the rest has.

though eriol with that ceremonial outfit can be a bit questionable since he's a reincarnation n stuff, and so far I don't remember ERIOL (capitalized bc I've been linking him to Clow, but I'm talking abt him as JUST him) being part of a clan since he worked independently (as far as I can remember), from what I can recall it was mentioned in the anime that the ceremonial clothing resembled Clow's... correct me if I'm wrong, though.

with the additional input i got from Cinzia (the friend who also pointed out the difference between Akiho's & Yuna D. Kaito's clans),

I also now wonder if the colors used in their robes reflect their intentions? or, since Lilie & Akiho's clan has been around for ages, how long their bloodline has existed?

because if it's the former, then it really won't make sense for Sakura & Eriol (though Eriol is once again, questionable... since his previous body as Clow isn't particularly... good nor he is also evil— at least from my perspective), and the latter makes more sense in general.

another one question i have is the explanation for Meiling's ceremonial clothing? like do they give different styles of ceremonial clothes in the Li Clan based on your gender? your magical abilities? or how closely-related you are to whoever leads the clan? i mean, i know she's an anime-exclusive character but I still want to know because I'm curious...

lastly, i wonder if Nadeshiko has one... since she is also a powerful person (she really doesn't do much sorcery stuff as far as i can remember), though the extent of her magic is unclear like Lilie, it's clear that she's also powerful because she can still do lots of things even after life.

IF you're one of the few people who finished reading this i just want to say thank you, and i hope everything made sense since i am very bad at explaining my thoughts 😭.

I think that's it, my brain is tired now and i want to go back to sleep again so good day to everyone and until next time, if there will ever be a next time 😆

and, cut! 🎬

[adriswrld]

Fem! Reader x Swerve Strickland

plot: reader turns on The Acclaimed and aligns herself with their enemies Swerve In Our Glory also known as Swerve Strickland and Keith Lee trope: enemies (on screen) to lovers (on screen & irl) with Swerve Strickland pairings: Max Caster sibling reader x Swerve Strickland/ reader x (platonic) The Acclaimed (Max Caster & Anthony Bowens) a.n: im sorry i just find him so hot for no reason and him kidnapping Billy on Rampage was a lil funny

Y/N sighed in annoyance as she was forced to listen to her brother mumbling his new rap he was gonna perform. "Dude keep it down I'm trying to memorize what I'm gonna say," Y/N said and Max scoffed. "Just say scissor me and you'll get a pop," Max said and Y/N rolled her eyes. "First of all, I'm doing a promo against Thunder Rosa and Britt Baker. You can't just say the words scissor me," Y/N jumped off the stage crate and walked past her brother who simply just ignored her. As Y/N headed to her locker room she was suddenly pulled into a room.

"What the fuck!" Y/N groaned in annoyance, hitting Swerve on the chest and he just grinned at her. "Shhh," He mumbled before connecting their lips into a passionate kiss. Y/N smiled into the kiss, pulling him closer to her body before they separated a few seconds later. Nobody knew they were together, it was a secret for a reason because Max would literally kill both of them if he found out. The only ones who knew were Keith Lee, Anna Jay (Y/Ns best friend), Mia Yim (Keith's wife) and Anthony who had kept it a secret and didn't tell his tag partner Max. "Nobody saw you right?" Y/N questioned.

"Don't get so paranoid. Nobody saw you," He reassured, and she rolled her eyes. "You said that last time and Anthony walked in on us," Y/N deadpanned and Swerve shrugged. "So, you excited for tonight? You ready to turn on your boys?" Swerve asked, looking Y/N up and down slowly, checking out how she looked in her new gear. "It's a little nerve-wracking but I've turned on people before so it should be easy," Y/N mumbled, walking over and sitting on the sofa. "Yeah you certainly turning on someone right now," Swerve mumbled under his breath as he sat down next to her.

"I heard that," Y/N raised a brow and he grinned, pulling her onto his lap. "It wasn't really a secret," he shrugged. Y/N chuckled and pecked his lips, as he went to tug off her tank top the door opened and in walked Anthony who grimaced at the two. "Y/N you know I support your relationships, I do. But you have some questionable taste," Anthony said, shaking his head in disappointment. Both Y/N and Swerve rolled their eyes at him before Y/N climbed off his lap and tugged her tank top back down. "Question, why did you just barge into my boyfriends locker room?"

Anthony raised his brows, "Because you weren't in yours when I went to check with Max so he's literally looking around for you and if he found you in here, you and Swerve wouldn't make it to your matches at All Out. Plus, you're supposed to be out in five minutes we gotta go." Y/N cursed under her breath and grabbed Anthony's hand. "Well then let's go! I'll see you soon baby!" Y/N blew a kiss at Swerve before running out of the locker room with Anthony being dragged by her. They made it to the gorilla where Billy Gunn and Max were waiting. "There you are, where the hell were you?" Max asked.

"I was with Anna," Y/N lied and he nodded, not thinking much of it as he was trying to memorize his rap.

"Hold on, I have a question if I may. Why are you consistently talking about Y/N when she's not even here? Are you scared to say it to her face?" Toni Storm interrupted. Standing side by side with the AEW Women's Champion, Thunder Rosa all as they were confronting Britt Baker, Jamie Hayter and Rebel. Just when Britt went to speak she was cut off when The Acclaimed's music hit, gaining a huge pop as obvious. Y/N was supposed to be having a match with Britt Baker tonight and if she won then she would be added to Toni Storm vs Thunder Rosa at All Out.

Max did his rap, basically roasting all of the women in the ring but mainly Britt, Jamie and Rebel. Y/N walked out beside Billy Gunn as Anthony and Max did their usual thing to hype up the crowd. "The Acclaimed are here! Scissor me daddy ass!" Anthony, Max and Y/N all scissored their fingers with Billy Gunn before Y/N walked down the ramp with a mic in hand. "Alright everyone settle down. I couldn't quite but hear my name brought up quite a lot. Mainly by you Britt. And I'm not a huge fan of disrespect."

"But I mean whatever you feel the need to say you can say it to my face," Y/N spoke, jumping onto the apron and stepping the ring, Max and Anthony following her movements as well as Billy. "You want me to say it to your face?" Britt raised a brow and Y/N shrugged and nodded with a purse of her lips. "Okay ill say it to your face. You are a complete joke to this company and the only thing your useful for is helping your brother win his matches. I find it completely baffling that you're getting a title shot and not me," Britt stated. Y/N pursed her lips and nodded slowly, "Well it sounds like someone thinks they better than me."

"As much as some people would agree with that I can't help but disagree. I am better than you Britt. And in just a minutes time, I will be proving that," Y/N stated. Britt scoffed and then suddenly Y/N sucker punched her in the face and threw her out of the ring. Jamie and Rebel both went to attack her but she kicked them in the gut and performed a double ddt to them, sending both rolling out of the ring. The crowd cheered as Y/N came face to face with Thunder Rosa and Toni Storm. "I'd advise you to leave before I send you out of this ring just like I did them," Y/N warned.

A few minutes Y/N was having her match with Britt, easily getting the upper hand. As Y/N had Britt on her shoulders she powerbombed her into the mat, going to pin her but was distracted when she noticed Swerve In Our Glory coming down the ramp and arguing back in forth with The Acclaimed. Y/N stood up and slid out of the ring, walking over to them. "What the hell is going on?! I'm trying to finish my match!" Y/N said, pulling Anthony and Max back. "They're the ones who came down here!" Max argued.

Y/N groaned and rolled her eyes, running back into the ring to beat the ten count. As she stood up, Britt knocked her in the face, sending her stumbling back right into a high kick from Jamie off the apron as Rebel had distracted the referee. The crowd booed and complained, not happy that Y/N was gonna be cheated. But The Acclaimed noticed and jumped on the apron, arguing with the referee and Britt stood up in disbelief, yelling at the two. Y/N was leaned on the bottom turnbuckle, holding her jaw and that's when everyone noticed Swerve and Keith near her.

Swerve slid his title discreetly into Y/N's hands and that's when Britt turned around, being hit straight in the face with the title. The Acclaimed noticed Y/N attack Britt and jumped off the apron so the referee could count as Y/N pinned Britt to the three count. Swerve left his title where it fell so everyone could see how Y/N had just cheated and with his help. Their music hit and The Acclaimed cheered and slid in the ring, putting their arms around a very exhausted Y/N. But that's when everyone froze, seeing Swerve In Our Glory step into the ring. But they suddenly looked down at the title that belonged to Swerve who bent down with a smirk and picked it up.

The Acclaimed looked at Y/N in disbelief and she looked down with a sigh. As Max argued with his sister, Anthony got into it with Swerve. Billy pulled Max back when he got a little too close into Y/N's personal space. Y/N just shook her head, annoyed with the topic and everyone just watched confused as Swerve and Keith exited the ring and stood onto the top of the ramp. Y/N went to walk out of the ring but Anthony grabbed her arm and pulled her back only for her to shove him back and the crowd let out a gasp of shock. "What the hell is your problem?!" Max shouted at her.

"My problem?! You almost cost me my match!" Y/N argued. Shaking her head she went to step out of the ring but Max grabbed onto her arm which made her immediately punch him in the face. The crowd gasped in shock as Anthony bent down next to Max who held his jaw in disbelief. Y/N pursed her lips before stepping onto the ring apron and turning around to look back at the boys. Y/N picked up the mic on the floor of the ramp and raised it to her lips. "You guys are a joke and I never needed you. And I will prove that when I win the AEW Women's Championship at All Out. Also, in case you didn't know, I've been hanging out with Swerve and Keith behind your backs the entire time."

"And they actually proved that they care about me tonight, so at All Out I can't wait to watch as they retain their championships," Y/N smiled. The crowd booed her and she rolled her eyes, tossing the mic on the mat and jumping off the ring apron. "You know I always had a feeling you would turn on us. I just didn't expect it to be with them of all people," Max spoke. "You know how much those titles mean to us!" Y/N rolled her eyes and picked the mic back up. "Which is exactly why I'm going to make sure you don't win them," Y/N said, walking up the ramp to Keith and Swerve who watched the interaction in amusement.

Swerve grabbed Y/N pulling her into a fast and sloppy kiss that caught her off guard. Pulling her closer by her ass in the process, Anthony and Billy were trying to pull Max back who had no idea that, that was planned. And it wasn't planned at all so it caught everyone off guard. Swerve pulled away and grinned, putting his arm around her shoulders and waving teasingly at Max. The minute they got backstage Y/N grabbed Swerve and dragged him into the locker room. "Oh my god you're gonna get me killed!"

Swerve chuckled and she rolled her eyes at him, "This is not funny, Max is gonna kill me!" Y/N shoved his shoulder but then the door opened and Max immediately grabbed Y/N away from Swerve. "Yo what the fuck was that?! TK said that wasn't supposed to happen!" Max said, holding onto Y/Ns arm tightly. "Hey you need to calm down and let her go," Swerve said, pulling Max's hand off of Y/N's arm and getting into Max's face. "Okay no, we are not doing this. We can talk about this later. I need a shower so get out," Y/N said, pushing Max and Swerve away from each other.

"I swear to god if you shower together I'm gonna kill both of you!" Max said, and Y/N rolled her eyes and shut the door then locked it. Swerve raised his brows and she squinted at him. "No you cannot come in with me," Y/N mumbled, walking past him and tugging off her tank top over her bra. "Oh come on. You can't really be mad at me baby," Swerve groaned. Y/N turned to look at him and sighed, "I'm not mad, I am fuming. How dare you just kiss me like that in front of everyone and my brother?!" Y/N went to say more but was cut off when Swerve pulled her into a kiss.

Y/N pulled away and gaped at him, "Did you just kiss me to shut me up?"

"That and because I really wanna join you in that shower," He said and she scoffed. "Fine, I'll let it slide. Only if you give me a massage," Y/N walked into the bathroom not waiting for his response but heard it through the door.

"Which body part?!"

[mercyburned]

🌿 author portrait .

get to know the author behind the blog! repost, do not reblog.

basics .

name/nickname: lori age: 34. i am the mom friend. pronouns : she/her only, please years of writing : writing itself as an intentional act, probably since about age 10. but i've been conjuring up stories since around second or third grade.

reflection .

why did you pick up writing? like i said above, it's been my hobby for basically my entire life? i couldn't give you a reason. some people become artists, some people become musicians, i became a writer the same way i've become a teacher.

do you have any writing routines? by this point i really should, but i do not. i think i'll probably start setting myself realistic goals over the summer so that i don't fall as far behind next school year as i have over the past year. since i went back to college and everything after that ( fulltime jobs, grad school, moving, an actual career job ) i've really struggled with keeping my blog consistently active, and i think that damages my ability to interact and make new connections. so, i'd like to get back into feeling like a part of the community instead of just idling on the fringes of it.

what's your favorite part about writing? it's a huge creative release for me, and i think it's also helped me to process a lot of the things i've gone through in life. i don't think i'd be as mentally stable as i am if i hadn't poured all of my angst (tm) into writing early on and throughout the years when those things happened. but also, it's just very enjoyable for me to continue / explore the stories of characters i love in new ways. ventium said this too, but i also really like the social aspect of rp specifically. getting to talk excitedly about ideas and characters with someone else is what puts the bow on top for me.

three things you like about your writing. looking back at my old writing which is, regrettably, still online but mwahaha you'll never find it - i can see how much i've grown as a writer and how i've tried so many different ways to do the Writing Thing. i think i'm very good with worldbuilding and lore aspects of writing, but i think i can still improve on characterization and making sure each character has a unique voice. i have some extremely strong muses, like clare, who tend to bleed through into some other characters - though, for characters like kaeya, it sort of works. anyway, uh, yeah.

have you ever given up on writing? no, though i go through phases sometimes where i just don't have the writing mojo. but i've learned to show myself grace and not force it. whether i write every day or not doesn't change the fact that i'm a writer, and it doesn't mean i'm a bad rp partner if i take a break to tend to my offline life. my friendships don't expire and my threads don't either, soooo...

what is your greatest fear or worry as a writer? i don't think i have one. i used to stress SO MUCH about being perfect but maybe i've just gotten older and i don't see it that way anymore? i've had rp blogs with 2k+ followers and rp blogs with less than 100. the same 10 people interacted with me on either of them, so i don't even notice my follower count anymore. i'm not super stressed about my characterization ( even though i know it can always improve ) and i know my worldbuilding is good. i guess the only thing that i sometimes think about is that my activity is very low, which, like i said earlier, makes it difficult to form and maintain connections in the rpc. but i appreciate the people who understand that my offline life is very demanding and takes like 90% of my mental energy each day. not really worried about the rest tbh !

a question for the next person .

write a question for the next person to answer. once you've answered it, leave a new question for someone else to answer.

next question: if you could give advice to someone just beginning their foray into writing, what three things would you tell them?

tagging: @cybrvce, @papilio-anima, @literanis, @armatization and you! tagged by: i stole it from @apocryphis.

[34saveme34]

So. I don't feel like having a DNI but I still want you to know my boundaries, it's probably good to have a pinned post like that

I'm bi and nb, in fact I actually identify with a Very Scary xenogender so you will see me HEADCANON things that don't align with canon. If you're an ass about it to me consistently and go too far, just know that you'll be blocked

in general don't harass me about shit, please, especially requests, I'll do them when I do them

As what I said for my HEADCANON (read: I don't believe this is canon but I still like it) if I see you consistently shit on my stuff that includes gender nonconforming stuff, like any of the men in dresses, I'll block you.

in general if you don't like something that I make, for example marware but still want to follow me for for example my copious amounts of smg34 rambles, I'd adwise you to block the tag marware, I always tag it, you won't have to see it again if you filter it out. Besides, even if you don't like it, you don't need to shit on me. Just keep it to yourself, curate your own online experience

being horny for my drawings is fine though, you're allowed. Even if for my ocs, I don't care, just not for ME specifically, I'll block you the moment you pull that shit

And because I know some people find that interesting I'll tell you the ships I like: SMG34 (gee, who would've guessed?), Megari, Marware, Whimpu x Kaizo (I have silly hcs if yall wanna hear) and, somehow, Melony x Saiko but it's complicated, a similar thing with mar34 however I respect the people who ship it w my whole heart

[zucest-week]

Hello motherfuckers, it's time to Zucest.

As many of you know, last year, I, along with a group consisting of myself, me, Kate and @ilikepjo24, organized the first ever Zucest Week. The event was a huge success, a very enjoyable process for me, and everyone else who participated. So naturally, it will be done again.

I have already started working on some background projects and planning that are related to the event, like scheduling the dates, that I will share with you right now.

Last year, I got an anonymous complain, saying that the prompts were announced too close to the date of the Week itself. So this year, I decided to switch it up a bit. The Week will still happen on the same dates as last year, but the process of collecting prompts and voting for the winners will happen earlier that year, to ensure that there will be enough time.

So, with that being said, the Google Sheet where everyone will be able to write down their ideas will be shared with the public at the 28th of February. It will be editable by for a week and a day. Normally, it's supposed to be only a week, but this year is a leap year, which means you'll have an extra day to add your suggestions.

After the predecided deadline, the spreadsheet will no longer be editable, but it will remain online and accessable to however wishes to go over the prompts once again.

Once the prompts have been collected, I will seperate all of them to five categories, depending on their energy. Those categories will be:

Smutty/Kinky Suggestions

Fluffy Suggestions

Humorous Suggestions

Sad/Angsty Suggestions

And there will be a fifth category titled Free-For-All. The suggestions that go there are the prompt that fall into two or more of the other categories. Once the prompts are seperated, I'll create a voting poll for each of the categories and I'll share all the polls with you so that you can select the suggestions you prefer. That will happen in the 7th of March and this process will last one week.

After the voting process is over, I'll collect the seven most voted prompts from each poll and arrange them in each of the seven days of the Week. That way, each day sill have five suggestions, one from each of the five categories, and you pick what you'd like to write for that day. When each of the prompts you have chosen has been arranged to each respective day, I will announce the winner prompts. That announcement will take place in the 14th of March.

The Week itself starts at the 14th of June and ends at the 20th of the same month. So from the moment the prompts will be announced, we will each have 3 months exactly to write/draw their works based on the prompts.

All forms of art are appreciated and welcome. You can write a story or a poem, draw a picture or a comic, you could even compose a song if you wish to do show, or make a post with a headcannon inspired from the suggestions of the day. You might want to do a different project for each day and that's more than okay as well! All I wish for is that, if you use your platform/account on Tumblr to spread your art, tag it as #zucestweek and/or #zucestweek2024 so that it'll be easier to find.

Soon, I'll make another post regarding other Zucest related events that will take place at the same period of time, so stay tuned.

As always, if anyone had any question/idea/suggestion/concern, please feel free to contact mez anonymously or not, any moment of any day, through an ask, a reblog, a comment, or a private message in this account, or in my other account @ilikepjo24, although I would prefer if you contacted this account, so other people that might have something similar to say could also get their answer by following this account here.

And as I mentioned before, I organize this event by myself *side eyes Zucest loving friends that do nothing* so I'd appreciate it if no anti tried to burden me with any hate, cause I honestly don't have time for that.

That is all, have a nice day, wherever you are!

[clairelsonao3]

Since I've been on Tumblr for about a month now, I've decided it was time to compile a list — for anyone who's curious — of things you'll find in my writing, and things I look for in others' writing. And here it is, subject to change, of course.

My things:

Types of whump:

I'll give just about anything a try once, but I largely gravitate toward:

Prison/captivity whump

Slavery

Pet whump (BBU not so much, though)

Historical whump, with or without fantasy elements

Modern/contemporary whump

Any corollaries of the above.

Alongside the whump:

All the hurt followed by all the comfort. A short whump story doesn’t necessarily have to contain comfort for me to read it, but if I’m going to get invested in something longer, it usually does. 

NSFW, including sexy/spicy scenes, sexual references, and sexually suggestive dialogue (always earned and plot- and character-appropriate, never porn without plot).

Romance. The more forbidden and/or seemingly impossible the better. I'll read any type of pairing, but I write M/F almost exclusively. Romance-related tropes I like include enemies to lovers, strangers to lovers, medium and slow burn, mutual pining, forced proximity, (un)resolved sexual tension, flirtatious banter, etc. etc.

Mystery/thriller elements. Probably my favorite genre other than romance. In fact, I would say if I were to describe my ideal fictional story, it would have whump, romance, and mystery in almost equal measure.

Implements and techniques:

Shackles and restraints of pretty much every type, size, and description. This includes both old-timey, rusty shackles/manacles or newfangled law enforcement-style handcuffs/chains, etc.

Collars and leashes, although I usually don't write about them because I just find them too complicated to figure out (not literally, but you know what I mean). I tend to like collars as accessories/symbols of subjugation rather than performing a function, such as shocking the whumpee or controlling their behavior somehow. 

In general, whumpees forced to wear accessories, clothing, or other outward symbols of their subjugation/servitude/inferiority.

Chains of every size and kind, attaching whumpees to walls, ceilings, floors, each other, etc.

Physical and emotional torture of all kinds; really, I'm not particular, but it's preferably done while fucking with the whumpee psychologically and preying upon their deepest fears, traumas, and insecurities.

Hands and especially injuries to the hands. Hands are my favorite body parts, so it totally makes sense that I enjoy seeing them maimed and disfigured, right?

Cages and cells, preferably with actual bars and solid steel everything, the harder, more brutal, utilitarian, and uncomfortable the better. 

Some types of involuntary body modification.

Tropes and motifs:

Humiliation and degradation of most kinds, whether it's physical, verbal, or emotional (but see the exception below under squicks).

Dehumanization, and even better, REhumanization. Breaking down is good, but building back up is better. Someone who has been thoroughly and consistently dehumanized suddenly or gradually coming to be viewed as a person by others (or by themselves) 

Whumpees who compliantly allow themselves to be placed in cuffs or shackles, either because they're just too tired and/or broken or if it's part of a grand master plan to fight back later.

Whumpee being forced to watch another whumpee being tortured.

Whumpee being forced to do menial/humiliating chores and/or hard physical labor (bonus if they're in chains at the same time). This is such an underused trope and I don't understand why because it's a fantastic one! If anyone were to write a story heavily featuring this and tag me in it I would love you forever.

Interesting power dynamics, even ones that shift back and forth within the course of a scene.

Struggles and differences related to social class, money, and wealth.

Character traits:

Male and female whumpees. I'll read and write both, but the way I handle them is sometimes different.

Defiant whumpees. Whumpees can break down as far as it's possible to break, but if there isn't that spark of life or defiance left in there (or even a chance of it coming back) I won’t be particularly interested.

Male and female whumpers.

Creepy/intimate whumpers, whumpers who are just plain assholes, or whumpers who are sympathetic/morally gray/have interesting motivations/backstories. I'm pretty open when it comes to whumpers, actually. 

Caretakers who are or become romantic partners.

Carewhumpers and bad caretakers, to a certain extent. This is a new thing for me that I'm exploring and I'm still puzzling out how I feel and how I handle it. Stay tuned.

Other random things:

Humor, wit, and banter, even in extremely dark situations.

Nerdy, oblique references to things I'm passionate about, especially music, theatre, and literature.

Not (really) my things:

These are things I'll generally shy away from, but aren't enough to make me stop reading something I otherwise like:

Hard BDSM. I have and do feature some light bondage and d/s in some of my work, but it's rarely the focus.

Excessive focus on rape/noncon and/or recovery from it. I'll definitely read about rape/noncon as long as it's not portrayed as romantic or positive in any way, but I find myself generally reluctant to portray onscreen noncon, especially of female characters. Noncon in backstories, though, absolutely.

Gags, blindfolds, hoods, and anything that covers most of the face. I do have a thing for muzzles, however, especially when you can see the whumpee's entire face through it. (My characters are pretty, I want to see them!)

Whumpees gagged and bound head to toe with rope, and other heavy bondage-type stuff.

The more ridiculous aspects of the BBU (drugging, memory erasure, sex slaves called "romantics," boys literally shipped in boxes, etc.).

Excessive gore/body horror, especially evisceration and similar.

Vampires/werewolves/angels/fairies/monsters/nonhumans, including superheroes/villains (I'll never say never, but in general, I prefer good old humans)

Pure sexual slavery, when that's the slave's one and only function. (See above).

Totally passive whumpees who are just swept along by the narrative and/or are completely dependent on others for help/rescue.

Conditioned whumpees who never become unconditioned, or slaves portrayed as happy or content that way (again, see above).

Whumpees who stutter, speak robotically and/or in the third person, or behave as if they have the mental age of a preschooler.

Unhappy endings to longer works, although I'm fine with short pieces with ambiguous/unresolved endings or no endings.

Squicks:

Honestly, not many.

Noncon, abuse, and/or toxicity portrayed as romantic. (In general, this stuff is fine). It's the big one because it shows up in a LOT of slavefic, which is my preferred genre of whump. I think many people have the idea that all slavefic glorifies and/or romanticizes abusive master/slave relationships, and that's simply not the case. And harassment and censorship aren't cool, especially when you haven't read the story in question. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

A/B/O dynamics and/or mpreg.

Forced cross-dressing, feminization, or any similar humiliation tactic related to gender.

Humiliation tactics involving exchange of bodily fluids (see above). (Not including NSFW).

Anything foot-related. As much as I love hands and doing things to hands, feet are the opposite. (But ankles are okay, otherwise, we couldn't have shackles!)

Some of the more out-there sexual kinks, which I'll spare you from having to see described here. You can probably guess what they are.

Onscreen harm to very young children and/or animals (threatened harm or as backstory is ok)

If something doesn't appear on this list anywhere (or even if it does), you can probably assume I'm at least open to it!

And of course, obligatory promo for my current WIP, Good Slaves Never Break the Rules, where — if you happen to share any of my things — you can find most if not all of them.

[mappishiina]

"Well, well... I suppose you need an explanation of how all of this works?"

"You should already know who I am, of course- your boss, the one guiding you in your job as the warden of MILGRAM? That's right, I'm the one and only Jackalope. You'll want to listen up, because I'm only going to explain this once..."

"This blog allows you to send questions to Mahiru Shiina, Prisoner 006. Think of it... like an extended interrogation. You can send them as yourself, or anonymously... whatever you'd like. Put your name on what you say or not, I don't care."

"As with how things work in MILGRAM regularly, what you say to her and how you say it will affect her just like your judgements do. This will help you to better understand the prisoner. After all, I want you to peer into their hearts and minds. It's best if you can truly understand them, in order to make the best judgement you can."

"Oh, and one last thing: this blog is best viewed on its desktop theme, if possible."

"I've also been told to mention that there's 'OOC info' under the cut, whatever that means."

Hiii. This is, as you can probably guess, an ask blog/rp account! Just real quick under the cut, here's a few basics for conduct:

I am an adult, but will not be answering any NSFW asks, and I also reserve the right to not reply to anything that makes me personally uncomfortable. This probably won't happen anyway, but I want to make my stance clear just in case. There's a lot of minors on milgramblr and running similar roleplay blogs, and I want this to be a safe and comfortable blog for everyone to interact with.

For consistency's sake, the current timeline of this blog is set in trial one. This may, and likely will, change at some point. I might jump timelines around later. But, starting out, it'll be trial one.

I try to stick close to canon in my characterization, but might indulge in a few personal headcanons here and there, especially to fill in gaps on things we don't know. If you send "magic anons" and things of that sort, I may or may not reply/go with it, depending- I'd like to stick mostly with the idea that any asks sent here are the "voices" that the prisoners mention hearing (so, not being able to physically do anything)... but I also may decide to indulge for fun. Basically, it's up to personal discretion. Just know it might not get answered.

This is probably going to be more of an ask-blog type thing than it is... a rp blog per-se, but I may dip my toes into roleplaying a bit on here as well! Other Milgram RP blogs can feel free to interact, and Mahiru will respond to any asks from RP blogs as if they were being sent by your character. I'll tag interactions with other prisoners with their number!

(I might do art for some asks as well, depending on motivation...)

Oh, and I'll edit this to put a tag index here whenever I figure out what I'm doing for those. Right now my ooc tag is simply #ooc, and any graphics I've used on the blog are reblogged under #graphics credits, as well as being credited at the bottom of this post.

Please just in general be nice and remember there's a real person running the account, and hopefully we can all have some fun with this!~ I've definitely been inspired by seeing other ask blogs/roleplay blogs pop up for MILGRAM, so I'm excited to jump in!

graphics credits: mobile icon + header by ameyumez and dividers on this post by 74n5n.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #38

I started weaving a tree today. Amethyst on copper wire. I didn't get as far along as I would have liked, but I'll stop anyhow; the wire is sharp, and my fingertips are starting to hurt. I'll show you a couple pictures of my progress, on the off-chance that you like to look at sparkly things. Here:

I'm a bit dejected at the moment. Do you remember the group I told you about, who I found out was talking about me and they tried to lie about it? Well, I got tagged as an admin by accident in one of their posts from a while back, and only just got notified of that fact the other day. So I went to the leader to try to alert her of the mistake, since I'm obviously not an admin or even part of the group anymore.

She came at me with some notion that she is facing all of her difficulties alone. And this seems… absolutely bananas to me, because she has a whole group of beautiful, wonderful people who have her back, at her beck and call, ready, waiting, willing, and eager to support and assist her in any way that she might need. Granted, I don't like how she or this group done did me (which is why I'm no longer part of it; I don't wanna be in spaces where I'm going to be lied to, or have people trying to exclude me from my own movement - far be it from me to remain where I am obviously not wanted or needed), but they're still good people. She can count on them. And it hurts to hear her talk about them as though they're not a viable avenue for support.

And despite it all, she has me, too. I have asked her only for one simple thing - "do not lie to me again". She told me she was struggling, and was vague about it. I asked her to let me know if there's any way I can support her. But she said, "I can't after what happened", as though getting caught doing what she did makes her the victim in this scenario. What must it be like to get caught doing something shady to someone, and then think that the lesson from this is, "I can't count on anybody" instead of "I should stop lying to people"? Imagine being the kind of person who breaks someone's window, tries to hide it, and then claims victimhood of the self and villainy of the people who owned the window when they get caught. It boggles my mind.

I am fasting for later (I'll explain later in this letter, after I get back), so I was more impatient with this than I probably should have been. I didn't like hearing her talk about me as though I am not here, and I disliked the implication that she cannot count on the others even more - again, they are good people, and they don't deserve to be spoken about as though they're not viable to turn to for support. But she has free will; I can't make her see that she has people who she can reach out to, and she will not hear me if I try to tell her that she isn't alone. I'm also aware that if she says "I'm alone" and I say nothing, that can (and probably will, given how interactions have gone…) be weaponized against me. So I said, "Whatever you wanna tell yourself. It's your call."

I should not have been shocked when she twisted what I said from "you're not as alone as you think you are, but you won't hear me, so you'll do what you do" into something closer to "you're not actually struggling and your real-life problems are trivial". I've been around a lot of people who like to put words in people's mouths in such a fashion, so as to dodge accountability; I should have seen it coming. But I guess, despite everything, part of me still wanted to believe that she would write and behave with me in ways consistent with straightforwardness and integrity. I can see now that there's nothing I can do to help her feel safe enough to move into that kind of truthful and courageous space; she will continue to use her survival skills in her interactions with me, regardless of what I say or do. I can see now that she has no interest in becoming a person who does not tell lies, both to herself and to other people, because that tactic is still the thing that keeps her safe in the kinds of environments she moves in.

And it's unfortunate. She's otherwise brilliant, charismatic, wonderful, and astoundingly creative. She has a lot of skill in a wide variety of areas. She writes like a champion, her critical thinking skills are off the charts, her imagination is amazing, and her persistence in the face of obstacles is even better. She weaves beautiful, wonderful things together, and some of that is done in service to the goal that is helping you to find healing and peace.

…I feel, essentially, powerless. I can't help her. And I have a funny feeling like she's going to take snippets of the conversation and use it to convince other people that I'm some sort of cold, cruel, callous, invalidating, gaslighting person. I'm worried that she will try to discredit all of the things that I am trying to do for you. Or perhaps these worries are just leftover from when my stepmother used to do similar things to destroy my relationships with other people before they could even begin, as a young child. Hm.

This notion that she might do to me as my stepmother used to pains me, but… there's not a whole lot I can do about it if that is the course of action she takes. I know from past experiences how the pattern goes:

If I do nothing, then it will make me look as though I'm trying to hide something in the eyes of others. If I try to protect myself, all it will do is make me look guilty in the eyes of others. If I try to protest or clarify, it will just make me look suspicious in the eyes of others.

I have no interest in manipulating others (and no social savvy even if I was interested in such things), so I suppose I shouldn't be shocked that once again, after interacting with a person who is very good at both of these things, I'm in a position where I'm gonna get bamboozled no matter how I move.

All the same, I'm not going to say that I shouldn't have tried to help her see that she's not alone; part of being brave is trying to do the right thing even when you know you might get hurt or ostracized for it, and even when no one believes in the goodness of your intentions. It is the only correct thing to do. But still… I won't make pretend like traveling that kind of road isn't a lonely sort of existence from time to time. It's easy, in this position, to feel unwanted and misunderstood.

The only thing I know to do to combat these feelings is to spend time with those who know me well and love me for who I am. Fortunately, I'll be doing that later tonight. I'll go and then come back, and I'll take some shiny awesome pictures for you.

I imagine it has probably been a very long time since last you had any sushi, no? Or maybe you've not tried it at all? Or maybe you tried it and didn't like it? Either way, I cannot share the sushi with you, but I'll be able to share some pictures a little later, in hopes that you might be able to feel a little of the joy that is contained within them; I wish for good things upon you.

Here they are:

I got to be in the same room with a bunch of amazing people who love me and eat a lot of different kinds of tasty snacks with them. I am incredibly, incredibly lucky. I think my favorite part was getting to watch them all smile and laugh as they interacted with each other. It's amazing to see two people I love, who hadn't met previously, hit it off immediately. What an amazing, astounding thing. I am very, very blessed.

Though I know that fictional characters are fictional and not real, I still wish you could have been here with us. I think you would have had a wonderful time. All of the people I spend time with would be able to get to know you and love you exactly as you are. I think you would have fit right in. And I think you would have found yourself having lots of reasons to smile and laugh. And then you'd be able to return to wherever you gotta, with a belly full of happy sushi, and maybe with a bit more resolve to do all the ridiculously difficult things you gotta do.

Please stay safe out there. Don't get reckless or careless and disappear; you're loved and needed, and there's still a lot of wonderful stuff in this universe that you've not experienced yet - you're not done. So please keep sticking around.

I'll write again tomorrow, okay?

Your friend, Lumine