#I'm going to use my better judgement and not put this in the show/character tags

[t-n-c]

More tdp s5 spoilers under the cut

(TW: acts of coercion/violation will be mentioned)

With how imbalanced their relationship is and my prior concerns regarding Aaravos' history of coercive/violating behavior towards Viren, Sir Sparklepuff being established as Viren and Aaravos's child makes me reeeeeally uncomfortable.

[burningblake]

my take on this episode

so i opened the tag just briefly but it was enough and tbh i expected the negativity from the fandom, but i have my own input which might help put things in perspective.

first and foremost, remember, this is NOT the chenford show. I mean we might be watching mainly for them, but the rookie is an "everyone's important show" and we already had a couple episodes heavily focused on tim and lucy getting together so it would be too much to also devote an entire scene to every one of the characters finding out and making it a big deal. that's something for fanfics to cover. tim asking only lucy if she's okay in front of everyone and angela's knowing look was a very tasteful and subtle way to cover it in my opinion. (i too expected a reveal scene, but i understand why they didn't include it. the show and the other characters' lives don't revolve around tim and lucy and honestly? it's better that way, cause it's in sync with how they came to be together—subtly and quietly between pages).

second, it's been a while since we had any of these other golden interactions between the other characters. I mean, grey hazing nolan? tim calling someone "boot"? smitty shenanigans? wesley and angela back at it being a badass lawyer and detective together? also, celina finally getting some progress and development as a rookie and also establishing a dynamic between her and grey? lucy having to clean smitty's trailer being a callback to when jackson went to live with him and couldn't stand it? all these beautiful aspects of the show also need time and space to play out.

i am a hardcore chenford shipper, but we should all be able to take a step back from our shipping minds now and then and appreciate other elements of a show as well, and not base our entire judgement of an episode on how many chenford interactions there were.

also I'm pretty sure there are going to be many more delectable chenford scenes, we just have to wait and trust the narrative process, because if anything, it's proven that the writers know what we want and they have done their best to satisfy us without also making the show a fan service.

[hael987]

Extraordinary Attorney Woo - Ep 1 Thoughts

This WILL contain spoilers and screencaps. Thoughts and opinions (with an ASD focus) on Extraordinary Attorney Woo (2022) / 이상한 변호사 우영우 drama series Ep 1.

This is one of the most well-rounded and detailed autistic characters from a show that I’ve seen before. I can feel that a lot of care and thought has gone into the creation and portrayal of this character. 

The portrayal:

I'm really impressed with the details that I can relate to either my own experiences or those of people I know.

The stimming, the self-soothing, the sensory experiences as well as the accommodations for overcoming it (namely headphones).

Always carrying (and consistent usage of) headphones in environments that may be sensorily overstimulating.

The touch aversion, how she goes out of her way on the train and walking to work to avoid physical contact with strangers. Additionally, even with loved ones and people she knows she still shows this.

The acknowledgement of the necessity of removing the sensory nightmares that are clothing tags. Loved that.

The room decorated fully with her special interest (whales) - the images on the wall, the bedding, the plushies, the figurines. This was a wonderful depiction for me because it felt like seeing my own room (different animals but a similar decorating ethos i.e. everywhere in the room).

The routine of eating the same food every day as well as the sensory challenges that can come with food: "alarmed by unexpected texture or flavour". I especially like how there's very little judgement on this aspect from her loved ones, they support and accommodate this.

Her first appearance in the courtroom where she doesn't answer the judge to confirm her presence/is unresponsive definitely reads like a shutdown.

Overall it's a very detailed, consistent and comprehensive portrayal.

The prejudice and judgement:

The show did a good job of portraying the prejudice and judgement faced, both obvious/explicit as well as subtle.

The explicit prejudice - the disbelief that someone disabled could be competent, that someone autistic could be just as good, if not better, than you.

The casual ableism of referring to "ordinary attorneys" (with strong implications of 'normal') when supposedly actually meaning 'allistic'. I thought they weren't going to address this but I was so pleased when the character who said it immediately apologised and acknowledged what he was doing.

The subtle judgement that autistic behaviours are 'annoying'. The characters 'banning' echolalia and Myung Seok sighing, the implied exasperation, when he sees Young Woo pausing before entering his door. These behaviours harm nobody and have very little actual effect on the surrounding people and yet they're still judged and/or prohibited.

(The ban on info-dumping (about whales) is sadly understandable though in the professional setting, with the emphasis and specific definition society puts on so-called 'professionalism').

The revolving door:

The issue Young Woo had with the revolving door was a great way to show the different reactions one can face/receive when needing accommodations or extra support.

A positive experience -

Joon Ho provides a suggestion and then guides/supports her through it but ultimately lets her accomplish it on her own. He gives her autonomy but also support alongside her and there's no judgement present. He doesn't try to limit her and make her use the other door and instead facilitates an opportunity.

A negative experience -

Soo Yeon sticks her arm in the door to stop it, she "helps" without being asked to and then makes a big show about the inconvenience of it all. She tries to limit what Young Woo can do/should be allowed to do when Young Woo knows herself best and what she wants to try.

Soo Yeon: “If the revolving door is difficult just use the other door […] are you an idiot?” And the reaction:

You're made to feel 'othered' and lesser because of it. When your differences are made to feel like deficiencies. That any extra support or accommodations that you need to succeed or experience life ‘like everybody else’ feel like a burden, that if it's difficult you shouldn't try because you're an inconvenience.

I'm pleased that they showed both aspects as they're both realistic experiences/reactions. You'll have people in your life that will understand your needs and others that won't. People that will try to limit you with your disability when you try to achieve the opposite and others that will support you in your attempts at liberation and growth.

The positive realities:

She has friends, has fun and jokes around. She's not isolated because of her autism.

ASD is not portrayed as some almighty superpower (despite the implication of savant syndrome). It's believable and everything she achieves has hard work just like everyone else. 

Out of everyone, she was the one to spot the truth of the emotions - that the woman, Yeong Ran, did in fact love her husband. It's derived from a logical conclusion based on her understanding of actions and motivations but so what? that's the point. It’s no less valuable than purely empathetic conclusions, it’s just as good, if not better because she’s the only one to truly see it. 

Her opening statement in the court essentially boils down to: 'I have ASD and I might be different but I’m no less than others'.

I think the show does a good job of showing the positives, negatives as well as the realities. It feels very balanced. I like it so far.

[scandalsavagefanfic]

Hello! I am a huge fan of ur writing. I've loved everything I've read of yours. I've read alot of what you've posted, except for a couple of the tags that are squicky for me (so I'm very thankful you tag very thoroughly). No judgement for the squick, it's just not for me. & when I'm having a bad day, I usually just go thru ur ao3 and find something to reread. I think about Therapy's Bruce & Jason every damn day. While I obvs appreciate ur darker more "problematic" content (I really vibe with some of the themes you write about bc of my own trauma, & so it's very cathartic to read about in a fictional setting), I am truly a sucker for ur more happy content. The Happily Ever After verse also lives in my head rent free. Idk more wholesome stuff just seems more special when you write it. Anyways. I would die for you. But the point of this ask is cause I'm curious as to why you don't like Urban Legends? I'm sorry if you already talked about it here or on twitter and I missed it. I was just wondering because I really enjoy your take on things and would love to hear why you dislike it. I've been enjoying it so far personally, but I am always open to DC comics criticism.

Aw thank you so much! I'm so flattered by everything you just said. You're so sweet ❤❤❤❤❤

I haven't talked about Urban Legends here or twitter (I haven't been very active in either place lately. Just a lot going on and no energy 😔) but I'm happy to do it here.

Before I start though, I just want to add a standard disclaimer and make it clear that if you like it, there's nothing wrong with that and you don't have to let me ruin it for you lol. Like what you like.

That said, since you asked...

I said this when I was talking about it on discord, that there is a difference between hope and expectation. I always hope that a new story centered on Jason (or anyone really, but things have been especially egregious for Jay for 15 years) will be good or at least treat the character with a minimal level of respect (to be honest, the bar is super fucking low). But my expectations always temper my hope, to keep it from getting unrealistic. Because my expectations are based on experience.

The long history of Jason Todd, since even before his resurrection, has been one of retroactively trying to make him "a bad seed" in order to absolve Bruce of any responsibility in his death.

I don't even expect DC or their writers to start honoring the fact that Jason was not an angry, reckless Robin (and less of the later than Dick or Tim and definitely Damian). There plenty of ways that retcon can be folded into his history and be compelling and sympathetic. And if they're going to stick with that retcon, I'm only asking that they do it in one of those compelling and sympathetic ways because Jason was 15 when he died, heroically, in one of the most selfless acts in comics, to save a woman who literally handed him over to be brutally murdered. He was 12 when Bruce plucked him off the streets, he'd been homeless and fending for himself for at least two years. I personally think that Jason's story hits harder for him and Bruce if their original, canon relationship, of Jason as starry-eyed and eager to learn and absolutely devoted to Bruce and Bruce to Jason, is preserved. But Jason's origins does leave room for a meaningful interpretation of him as angry and frustrated at the lack of meaningful results of Bruce's methods.

And that's really where my irritation at stories like Batman: Urban Legends, Cheer and Batman The Adventure Continues has it's roots.

Every time one of these stories comes out, I think (or hope, rather) that this will be the one that remembers and respects the origins of the Jason and the Red Hood, that takes into account the changed sensibilities of comics readers in the 30 years since Jason's death and the subtle, 20 year, retroactive campaign to make him the "bad Robin". The "born bad" trope is played out and literally no one likes the message it implies. That some kids are just bad eggs and there's nothing parents or the adults around them can do. Especially when it's played as the kid's fault. If Jason's time as Robin is going to be characterized by anger, then it should be rooted in anger at the social injustices he witnessed as he grew up in an impoverished, crime-ridden, area and the horrors he faced raising himself when every day was a battle for survival. There are topical, meaningful, stories to tell with that backdrop.

But those are never the stories we get.

⚠⚠ Spoilers for Batman: Urban Legends, Cheer ⚠⚠

I'm particularly disappointed in Urban Legends because for the first issue, it looked like that was the kind of story we were going to get. I was put off by the first flashback of Jason being mesmerized by Bruce's guns, and I got that feeling in my gut that it was a bad sign. Jason depicted as impatient and overconfident and the scene with the guns is heavy-handed foreshadowing that got my spidey-sense tingling. I had a inkling then (in the first three pages) of how this story was going to play out, but it was early and I could still see many narrative paths that could lead to a satisfying story. My concerns were soothed somewhat and the little flame of my hope fanned, with the flashback of Alfred scolding Bruce, with Barbara's concern for Jason. A bit of worry returned with the way Jason ruthlessly pursued an addict who didn't appear to be a dealer and with the ending of the issue. The stuff with the addict sat wrong with me but the ending was tempered some by how despicable Tyler's dad was written. The scene was clearly set so that the reader could sympathize with Jason's decision and the scene with the addict could be brushed aside as a side-effect of comics over-the-top need for constant action, so I still held hope.

Issue 2 made me uncomfortable and it's where my hope starts to take a backseat to my expectations. I can dismiss Jason's self-deprecating internal monologue as unreliable narration, except that the flashback reinforces his thought process to explicitly show that it's not unreliable narration, and should be taken at face value. Jason faces physical abuse at the hands of his mother's drug dealer and when the flashback continues later, Jason kills the drug dealer. To be clear, this is a pre-Bruce Jason. His mom is still alive. He's like... 10. He kills this guy for shoving his head into a wall and implying Jason's mother paid for her drugs with sex. This is a scene that serves a single purpose. To show that Jason has always been prone to violence.

In the spirit of full disclosure, there is the small chance the drug dealer might not be dead. But the story obviously wants the reader to think he is, and it hasn't done anything to change that yet.

Starlin already did this story with The Diplomat’s Son in 1988 and he did it infinitely better. AND that’s still technically canon. So now I’m supposed to believe that Jason lost his cool bad enough to kill two douche bags before his sweet 16? Like it’s totally normal for abused kids raised in poverty, who’ve led hard and heartbreaking lives to just... haul off and kill people? That’s bullshit, and when taken with the Jason in the third issue, who is little more than an idiot thug, this story is really doubling down on some fucked up stereotypes.

Which brings us to the most recent issue. I went into this installment with very low expectations. I thought this story was going to be about Jason, through this experience with Tyler, a young boy with a similar background to Jason's, coming to the realization that Bruce's way is the best way and that Bruce did his best by Jason.

That would be annoying (in no small part because it takes increasingly absurd levels of plot armor to keep Bruce's no kill rule relevant, let alone irrefutably right). But I can probably live with that, if only because maybe if Jason officially falls back into line with the Bats crusade, maybe I'll get stories that treat him with respect, stories that don't relegate him to comic relief, dumb brute, or a background body with no lines in a story about the Joker burning Gotham (like Jason would just fucking stand there quietly for that).

And that may still be where the story is going, Jason realizing Bruce is right.

But holy shit do I not have the right words to describe how fucking insulting and gross issue three is.

From start to finish--including the flashback--Jason is written as cruel and fucking stupid. Like straight up dumb.

The entire issue is Bruce explaining the fucking basics to Jason like it's his first day. And Jason flies off the fucking handle and terrorizes a doctor he knows isn't a part of making the Cheerdrops, beats the shit out of some random addicts, and finally, when he can't accomplish anything on his own because he's a dumb brute he calls Barbara for help and rushes in with no information where he's promptly incapacitated and must now wait to be rescued by Batman.

This panel is the least of the issues sins but I can’t screenshot the entire story but it’s representative of the tone for the whole issue (and retroactively tainted the prior two issues).

This is beyond insulting. The only conclusions Jason comes to in this issue are the ones Bruce leads him to by talking to him like he can’t make the simplest connections. And like... in this story Jason can’t make the simplest connections.

This (and the Jason throughout the entirety of this issue) is a far cry from the Jason we fell in love with in Under the Red Hood, who was competent and strategic and intelligent enough to seize control of Gotham’s underworld from Black Mask (who’s no fucking slouch, he’s the first and only person to unify organized crime in Gotham) AND elude and manipulate Bruce until the time and place of his choosing.

This is a far cry from even the Red Hood and the Outlaws Jason who is competent enough to fight the League of Shadows and Ra’s al Ghul (among very dangerous and skilled others) and smart enough to create antidotes for mind control nanotech viruses.

As he should be, by the way. Jason Todd is one of the best, most comprehensively trained fighters in DC’s stable of non powered vigilantes. He’s not irrational or hot headed. He’s pragmatic, tactically minded, and patient. He’s a detective. Right now. Has been since he was 12. Bruce doesn’t have to make him one because he already is. 

Jason is not a stupid thug who uses his fists because his brain doesn’t work. And I can’t tell you how so very exhausted I am by this narrative. 

This is actually the most egregious example of Jason’s skills and intelligence being not just undermined but dismissed entirely. Even Morrison’s Jason had some degree of competency. 

The one, single redeeming factor of this story is the art. It’s beautiful. And Marcus To is a godsend he seems to be one of only a couple of artists who remember that Jason was a child when he was Robin and I’m literally only buying this book because of him. 

Anyway, I’m sorry. I didn’t want that to come out so... um... passionately lol. I’m just very very tired. My intention with this isn’t to ruin it for you, if you like it, that’s fine. 

But this issue shot this story to the top of my "Vehemently Despise” list. 1) Batman: Urban Legends (Cheer), 2) Battle for the Cowl/Morrison’s Batman and Robin, 3) Batman The Adventure Continues.

I hope the next issues somehow salvage this dumpster fire. But I’m not expecting it.

(Damnit. That sounded harsh again. To reiterate, I’m not trying to judge anyone who enjoys it, I just personally hate it and you asked me why lol 😅)

[scripttorture]

One of the central characters in a fantasy story I'm writing has torture as part of her backstory. She was captured by an evil race, and one individual in particular put her through a "training" regime designed to turn her into a useful/trustworthy slave. Specifically the goals of the training were:

- destroy her sense of self / agency

- overwrite her ingrained response of healing herself when injured (she has magical healing powers)

- an affectionate or worshipful disposition towards her captors

- immediate obedience to any command

I feel like both physical and psychological torture / mental conditioning are probably appropriate, though I'm leaning away from including sexual abuse. I honestly don't know much about torture at all and the only things that come to mind as producing a result similar to what I'm looking for are the Game of Thrones torture sequence and the use of obdience collars in the Codex Alera book series. The latter is very interesting to me because it is a magical device that inflicts pain in reaction to disobedience but also inflicts pleasure to reward obedience.

I guess I'm just wondering if you have any advice for what kinds of methods would be good to include in a process designed to produce obedience, rather than torture for its own sake or to extract information, as well as if there are any common pitfalls I should try to avoid in writing about such a thing.

The training itself won't be in the book, but I need to be familiar with it for backstory purposes because later in the story this character encounters her torturer again, and is subjected to some further abuse before she finally overcomes her fear and kills him.

Alright well I’m going to be straight up with you: the scenario you’ve presented is a very common torture apologist trope. It’s incredibly unrealistic. And it’s unrealistic in ways that support torture by claiming it can be ‘useful’.

 Which probably means that you’re new to the blog and haven’t heard me give this talk before. That’s OK, we all learn sometime and it’s not my intention to shame you for the fact you’re not as obsessed with this stuff as I am or couldn’t afford to shell out for the books.

 Torture does not produce obedience. The best evidence we have right now suggests it encourages active resistance.

 If you got a lot of your inspiration from Game of Thrones then frankly I’m not surprised you came up with apologia. The torture in that series is incredibly badly handled. And a big part of the point of running this blog is that most people are getting their information on torture from shows like that. Which happens because the research is inaccessible and hasn’t been popularised the way fictional tropes (sometimes fictional tropes literally started by torturers) have been popularised.

 The important thing is what you choose to do now.

 I’m going to break down the problems here and make some suggestions for what you could do instead.

 Firstly: there is no torture or abuse that will guarantee obedience. Pain does not make people meek or compliant or willing to follow commands.

 Torture survivors are not broken.

 They are not ‘controlled’ by their torturers and the suggestion that they are is used in the real world to bar real survivors from treatment. It is also used to bar them from entering safe countries and to argue that they shouldn’t be allowed visas or passports.

 The best statistics we have for any sort of compliance under torture come from analysis of historical French data where torture was used to try and force confessions (something we know torture can sometimes do).

 The ‘success’ rate averaged at 10%. Under torture 90% of people will not comply long enough to sign their name.

 Secondly: torture does not and can not ‘make’ a victim feel ‘worshipful’ towards their torturer. The suggestion is kind of like asking if someone can tap dance immediately after removing the bones from their legs.

 Torturers have no control over a victim’s emotions. They have no control over their symptoms. They have no control over their beliefs.

 And there is no such thing as a torture that can change someone’s mind in a way torturers can control.

 Once again, this fictional trope is used by politicians and the media to justify marginalising real torture survivors.

 I have read hundreds, possibly thousands, of accounts from torture survivors. I’ve read historic and modern accounts. I’ve read accounts from all sort of people from all over the globe. I have never seen a survivor say anything positive about their torturers. I have never seen anything close to toleration.

 A lot of survivors are blisteringly angry at their torturers. A lot of them feel overwhelming levels of spite and some report literally putting themselves at risk of death in order to spite their torturers. And yes, a lot of them are afraid too. None of these emotions are mutually exclusive.

 Affection is impossible. We are not wired that way.

 Thirdly: I understand that ‘evil races’ are a long standing fantasy trope but it would be remiss of me if I didn’t mention the racism inherent in that idea. That some people are ‘born bad’.

 I’d strongly suggest you look up the Black, Indian and First Nations people that I know are on this site critiquing these kinds of fantasy tropes. Because they will be able to explain it better then I can.

 Fourthly: the term ‘psychological torture’ is a pretty common dog whistle for torture apologia.

 Most of the time tortures that people dub ‘psychological’ are things with real, physical effects that lead to lasting injury and death. They just don’t tend to leave obvious external scars. I use Rejali’s term ‘clean torture’ for these techniques. Researchers distinguish them from scarring tortures because they are harder to detect and prove in court.

 The majority of survivors today will have experienced clean torture. They will have no obvious physical scars. But they will still be disabled. They’re ‘just’ less likely to see any form of justice for it.

 Fifthly: torture is a terrible training method because it decreases a person’s ability to learn.

 Torture causes memory problems. It also often causes lasting physical injuries that make performing basic tasks more difficult. And it causes a lot of serious psychological problems which make performing basic tasks more difficult.

 A trained person who was never tortured will always out perform someone whose training involved torture.

 I probably sound quite angry here.

 I write fantasy and I also write about torture a lot. But I can’t imagine that it’s just flavour for a fantasy world or some artefact of the past. Torture is a real, present threat in the country that I grew up in. If I was to return now I could, literally, be tortured and executed.

 If you want to include torture in your world, in your story then you are committing to telling someone else’s story. You are representing an incredibly marginalised group of people and you are presenting that representation to a third group, one that has never had contact with real torture survivors.

 Are you comfortable with the idea of telling your peers that survivors are still controlled by ‘the enemy’? That they’re passive? That they don’t have the capacity to make their own decisions?

 Are you comfortable knowing that the popularity of this message keeps millions of genocide survivors in refugee camps, blocked from citizenship, aid and safety?

 I understand feeling attached to a story and a character. And I understand that this information is hard to find. Hell I’m probably going to end up with the only English copy of one of the pivotal textbooks because I’m shelling out to get it translated.

 You say you want to write a torture survivor. With respect I don’t think you know what a torture survivor looks like.

 I think the most helpful, and kindest, thing I can do here is describe what torture does to people. Because I can’t tell you whether that’s something you want to write. I could try and rebuild this scenario for you (and if you decide you’re interested in that after reading all of this and all the links then I suggest looking through the blog tags for ICURE, torture as training, Black Widow and Overwatch.) But I think you need to decide whether you actually want to write a torture survivor first.

 Here’s a post on the most common torture apologia tropes.

 Here’s the post on the types of memory problems torture commonly causes. I strongly recommend picking at least one.

 Remember that this would never go away. Improvement and recovery in torture survivors means learning to live with symptoms. The symptoms themselves are permanent.

 It’s a hundred different alarms set up on their phone to try and make up for the forgetfulness that makes them miss appointments. It’s the little bottle of perfume in their pocket to bring themselves back to reality when they get intrusive memories at work.

 Here’s a post on the other common symptoms.

 You want something in the range of 3-5 of those, though more are likely if your character is held for years. Each of them should be severe. Every single symptom should have a large, negative, impact on the character’s daily life.

 Do you know anyone with chronic pain? It warps their world. Work can become impossible. Basic household tasks like getting dressed, cooking, cleaning the dishes are done through gritted teeth or not at all. Hobbies and ‘fun’ activities dwindle as they struggle to find a way to do them that doesn’t hurt. Interaction with other people, even loved ones, can easily become barbed.

 Because the pain makes everything more difficult. It means everything takes more energy, more effort. Which means that things fall by the wayside, whether that’s by a pile of mouldering dishes in the sink or snapping at a child. It means tears and the social judgement that follows them. It means the world narrowing as it gets harder to go out.

 Do you see what I mean? Every part of life.

 That’s an example for one symptom. You need to work out at least four. Then figure out how they interact. Then figure out what the character can do to make her life better.

 With chronic pain that can mean painkillers but it’s always more then that. It’s re-learning how to do things; how to put on trousers without aggravating the bad knee, how to sew with one hand. It means learning to cut down on what they do and it means learning a new sort of flexibility; accepting that there are days when the pain is too much.

 It can mean having the same conversation about disability over and over again. With family, with friends, with colleagues. ‘I can’t do that.’ ‘I can do that sometimes but not always.’ ‘That will hurt me.’ ‘I can’t use that chair.’ ‘I can’t get my arms that high above my shoulders.’ ‘I need help with this.’

 And that sometimes means learning a kind of patience that is really barely held back rage. Or perhaps I’m projecting a little with this last one.

 If you’ve never met a torture survivor, if you’ve never looked at a survivor’s work, then all this is difficult. You’re trying to imagine something from first principals with nothing to fall back on.

 So let’s bring some survivors into the discussion here. Some reality.

 Who’s listened to Fela? How about Bobi Wine?

 Fela Kuti was the father of modern Afro beats music. He was tortured multiple times and during one attack, which destroyed his home, his mother was murdered by the military. When he got out of jail Fela marched her funeral procession past the biggest barracks in Nigeria’s biggest city. He wrote two songs about this attack and he doubled down on his opposition to the military government.

 Fela’s music started causing riots.

 You can read what I have to say about him here. You can listen to his music on youtube.

 Here’s an interview with Bobi Wine, which was conducted shortly after he was tortured in Uganda. He talked about how he was determined to go back and continue fighting. Which he did. He even ran against the president.

 I’ve also got a short piece on Searle who was a cartoonist captured by the Japanese during World War 2. His drawings of what happened in To the Kwai and Back are worth seeing. Especially if you want to write atrocities on this scale. They will show you the scale and how to focus on the small, human elements despite that overwhelming scale.

 Alleg’s The Question is pretty much a must, it’s one of the most thorough accounts from the Franco-Algerian war.

 Monroe’s A Darkling Plain is also a must, it’s a series of interviews with survivors of various different conflicts and atrocities. Some are torture survivors. Some are not. It is essential reading because it shows the variety in survivors as well as giving a sense of their lives beyond the symptoms.

 Finally Amnesty International has literally hundreds of interviews and studies available for free online.

 The most important decision for any story with regards to torture is whether it should be there at all.

 So much of this topic is intimidating and so much of it is difficult to write. Not just in the ‘oh this is horribly effecting’ sense but in the ‘I have twelve things to juggle in this simple scene’ sense.

 Ask yourself what torture adds to this character and this story. What does this backstory actually give this character?

 Because if the point is to have her vulnerable and then ultimately triumphing violently over her attackers I don’t think you want a torture scenario. You could get the same thing from a bad guy trying to drug her and having the kidnapping fail when she fights him off, clumsy but effective nonetheless.

 And she could still come out of something like that traumatised.

 Right now I really don’t see this adding anything but torture apologia to your story.

 Handling torture well in a story means accepting that it can’t be the same story without it. It means watching the characters and narrative warp under the weight of it. It means lasting effects, for all the characters and for the world itself.

 I believe you are capable of writing that if you want to, pet. But this ain’t it.

Edit: I’m having trouble seeing the beginning of the answer here. Can anyone let me know if there are formatting issues again please? The first word in the htmal is ‘Alright’ but what I’m seeing on tumblr starts 8 paragraphs in.

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[justoneofthoseghosts]

The season finale of Chicago Fire was an okay premiere to me. For an episode that is supposed to hype you up for a season, its actually done the opposite for me. I'm leaning into becoming a casual viewer of the show and it's a shame because this used to be my comfort show.

I don't understand why we are going back to the recycled storyline of having a nemesis and it looks like were headed back down that with Stella. I want a storyline for Stella where we see a situation that is her fault. Hear me out, I want to see how she would deal with a situation that is the cause of her poor judgement. How does she learn from this situation? How does it affect her personally? How does it affect her as a leader? How does she navigate this situation (preferably without the input of the men in 51).

You can count me in for as another person to add to the not a fan of the Hawkami club - I have my reasons but I'll keep those opinions to myself in fear of how the fandom reacts. I would like to see Violet's storylines away from Gallo and Hawkins this season. She is more than just her romance.

The person I want more for this season is Sylvie because she deserves it. With the mess that the writers put her in with the LDR (she could still be in it but apparently she's the only one who can't have love and a career). She does not need to be pushed into another relationship, and shame on the writers if they do because it only proves that the writers don't know how to write the ladies without romantic drama. I want to see character growth and this could be done through her Paramedicine program, or she could be teaching at the academy, become a mentor, buy a house and do a fixer upper, have a connection to a patient, helping at Molly's. Building on her friendships with the ladies and Cruz and Chloe and those we have not seen before like Herrmann, Ritter, Boden. My wish is to see her become a godmother to Otis, the bonds she could form with both him and Havi.

I have hopes for this season but I know not to get them up because of my disappointment with season 10.

I sincerely hope they give Stella a good Lieutenant storyline. Honestly, they should have done something like this last season. I liked Mason but I think the writers didn't know what to do with him and only figured out that for season 11, Stella should get a Truck crew member who could be difficult. It should have happened last season but Derek said he didn't want to bring in more new characters so they decided to go with Mason. The gripe I have with this storyline, aside from the fact that Carver seems like a total asshole, is that they're bringing in another white male character onto the show, as if there weren't enough of them already. I wanted to see a female firefighter - they do exist right? It's unrealistic to just have one female firefighter on the show. I do hope that the writers finally show things from Stella's perspective and not Severide's. I know they're married now but she can have independent storylines too. I feel like it may or may not happen because of the interactions Carver has had with Severide and Boden. I don't think I'll be sticking around long enough to see.

I've said before that I want better stories for Violet and Sylvie too, ones outside of romance and the same goes for Ritter and Mouch. Like, where is Mouch's bio-daughter? Can Ritter tag along on Paramedicine runs? The family dynamic is sorely missing and there is a huge difference in the premiere episodes of season 10 and 11.

Also, if the show doesn't serve you or bring you any joy anymore, it's okay to walk away from it or just be a casual viewer. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that! I'm figuring out myself if I'd peace out totally or binge watch it at some point.

[pipipinyyy]

Explaining why I have added every song in my entire and very long Niragi playlist because I can and because over analyzing him is my passion (I usually update it from time to time but I'll do it with the current songs)

Completely self indulgent post, but I decided to share to feed my fellow Niragi stans (*˙︶˙*)☆*°

This is entirely based on my view of the songs and how I interpret them while thinking about Niragi. I'm aware that most of them have entirely different meanings, this is just for fun :) (Also sorry if my explanations don't make much sense, English is not my first language and I might make mistakes when trying to put my feelings and thoughts into words)

This may contain manga/s2 spoilers

Hayloft-Mother Mother: Vibes

Criminal-Britney Spears: The whole song describes him ("he is a sucker with a gun") and the fandom's obsession ("mama I'm in love with a criminal")

Daddy Issues-The Neighborhood: I feel like he would act like this, using the most vulnerable spots to pick on someone ("cry little girl, nobody does it like you do")

Psycho-Jin Dogg, OVER KILL: Vibes

Riot-Hollywood Undead: He'd definitely start a riot like he did in the 10 of hearts, burning and destroying anything that crosses his path

Bitches-Mindless Self Indulgence: He most likely thinks he's a total fuckboy and popular with girls since he can get almost anything he wants out of scarying people

Baby's on Fire-Die Antwoord: Vibes

Insane in the Brain-Cypress Hill: This man is being consumed by his own way of protecting himself

Wolf in Sheep's Clothing-Set It Off: Based on how he feels towards the people who hurt him in the past ("Listen, mark my words, one day, you will pay" "You've always been a huge piece of shit, if I could kill you, I would" "Karma is gonna come collect your debt")

Death no more-IC3PEAK: Vibes

Gasoline-I Prevail: Sort of similar to Riot, ("So burn it all down, burn it all down, I don't give a fuck")

Toxic-Britney Spears: The whole fandom knows how much of a piece of shit this dude can be, but we still find ourselves liking/enjoying his character (to an extent), a toxic addiction

Nice Guy-GRLwood: As much as I love this man, he'd use the "I'm a nice guy c'mon" card just to fuck. If he wants to, he'll get it, if he doesn't, he'll most likely get mad

Dernière danse-Indila: Vibes

TRRST-IC3PEAK: Mostly vibes, I kinda see this song as how he felt the first time he killed someone on purpose inside the borderlands ("mama they say I'm a terrorist, I did nothing wrong but I got on the blacklist")

Saint Bernard-Lincoln: Vibes

Nowhere To Run-Stegosaurus Rex: Being with him at the Beach would either be ignoring each other completely or a game of tag, no inbetween. If this man wants to kill you, he'll get his fun time out of it as well ("You're gonna die, I'm gonna kill you")

The House of Wolves-Bring Me The Horizon: Based on how he sees life after being consumed by his current mental state ("Show me a sign, show me a reason to give a solitary fuck about your god damn beliefs" "What you call faith, I call a sorry excuse")

Smells Blood-Kensuke Ushio: Vibes

SIU-Maretu: Similar to Daddy Issues, don't expect this man to be a therapist. If he sees anyone crying or panicking in or outside a game, he'd most likely tell them to suck it up, just like this song.

Judgement-Kensuke Ushio: Vibes

MONSTER ENERGY GUN!-KevinKempt: Vibes + He for sure has an energy drink addiction, specially pre-borderlands

HURT-1 800 PAIN: Vibes

Fear Is The Mind Killer-Zheani: Vibes

I Bet on Losing Dogs: Based on how I know Niragi is toxic, and most likely unsaveable of his deteriorating mental state, but I still have him as my biggest comfort character ("I bet on losing dogs, I know they're losing and I'll pay for my place")

Emo Boy-Ayesha Erotica: He's been in an emo phase (and maybe still is), the lyrics are pretty self explanatory, they describe us Niragi simps perfecrly ("come on fuck me emo boy")

Crybaby-Destroy Boys: Vibes

The Fox's Wedding-MASA Works DESIGEN: Vibes

You're a useless child-Kikuo: We don't know much about his past, but judging by the unstoppable bullying he's suffered, his parents didn't care about him, or were straight up absent. He's been insulted by pretty much everyone in his past to the point of believing it and telling those things to himself ("You're a useless child, the most useless child in this world" "Drool in snot, dandruff, shit and piss" "I'm a useless child" "Nobody will save me" "I'm a lonely kid")

Take A Slice-Glass Animals: Vibes

Fighting With The Melody-Jimmy Urine: Vibes

Comics-Caravan Palace: Vibes

Rhinestone Eyes-Gorillaz: Vibes

Butch 4 Butch-Rio Romero: Mostly vibes, sort of how I think the most "peacefull" moments in a relationship with him would feel like, kind of bittersweet feeling

Suki Suki Daisuki-Jun Togawa: Yandere Niragi. If he's interested in someone, he'd go through an obsessive phase, most likely forcing the other person to "love" him. This man is so confused about the feeling of love that he's unable to tell when he loves someone or when he's obsessed with them due to his lack of attention ("Like you, like you, I love you. Say you love me or I'll kill you")

:(-The Garden: Vibes

Kitty City-Cyriak Harris: Vibes

Blood-My Chemical Romance: If Niragi went to a therapist, he'd act like this song, with his signature cocky and sarcastic personality (at least before he gets better) ("I can't control myself because I don't know how" "They can fix me proper with a bit of luck" "I'm the kind of human wreckage that you love")

A Mask of My Own Face-Lemon Demon: He feels like he needs to protect himself or else he will get hurt inside the borderlands by others again. He uses another personality, a completely ruthless one, even if he doesn't like it and hates himself for it, he doesn't see another way to deal with his fear, allowing his "new self" to consume himself. ("I'd wear that mask of my own face" "I look into my eyeholes and what do I see? A handsome motherfucker motherfucking looking back at me")

I'm a Murderer-Freddie Dredd: Mostly vibes ("I'm a motherfucking murderer")

'Cause I'm a Liar-Mcki Robyns-P: He would lie just for fun even in serious situations. If he needs to manipulate someone to survive, he'll do it his way, after all, he doesn't care anymore, he just seeks for excitement. ("Without emotion, without devotion. It's much easier to fake something happy")

I Disagree-Poppy: I don't know exactly how to describe it, but I feel like this is how he sees and feels the world and those around him, feeling misunderstood and going his own way ("If only all of you could see the world I see, then maybe everyone could live in harmony")

Personal Jesus-Mindless Self Indulgence: He has a superiority complex, that's for sure. I don't think he sees himself as a god, but I see him joking about it

Rainbow Factory-GLAZE, WoodenToaster: Vibes

Frontier Psychiatrist-The Avalanches: I kinda see this as Aguni taking the role of Niragi's "father figure" inside the borderlands, realizing he's turning insane and is unable to control him ("That boy needs therapy")

Hate it. Hate it. "JIGAHIDAI!"-WADATAKEAKI Kurage P: Jealousy. I can see it either in a pre-borderland situation where he hates the popular students in school, or inside the borderlands hating both Chishiya and Arisu. Jealousy takes over him constructing a big ego, causing himself to develop his superiority complex ("You see, I hate that popular girl!" "Does she think I don't notice? How she looks at me as if I'm trash" "I want to be praised" "I'm different from you all, I have my own ego! I'm not a side character" "I have zero common sense. I'm special")

Villain-Stella Jang: He knows damn well he's a villain, that's his goal after all, but what if someone took his point of view? wouldn't the villains be all of those who hurted him in the first place? ("We all pretend to be the heroes on the good side, but what if we are the villains on the other")

Violent-carolesdaughter: This is how I view an argument inside a relationship with Niragi. He's used to violence, to cause fear, and getting what he wants, so being in a healthy relationship would require a lot of patience and strenght. While he's getting better and suppressing those violent actions, there will be times where he accidentally uses violence or threatens the other person unintentionally, mostly hurting himself and his partner psychologically. The lyrics change between both points of view ("Don't make me get violent, I want my ring back baby that's a diamond" "She knows I'm a wreck" "I gave you all my trust and I told you just don't break it")

Hey Bunny-Baby Bugs: Based on how I think it would feel to partner up with him inside the borderlands and catching feelings for him while knowing the huge mess he is ("Hey bunny, what's with those evil eyes?" "Hey bunny, what the hell is wrong with us?" "Hey bunny, what if I loose you too? If I become the monster, together we can always be blue")

Kokoronashi-majiko: I'm pretty sure Niragi isn't able to see himself as someone able to love, even if he doesn't want to be alone (just like when he confesses this feeling while fighting with Chishiya and Arisu). If someone truly loved him and was willing to not letting him go, it would hurt. He can't see himself as someone who can love or be loved, so he can't accept the love he's seeking for in case that turns him "weaker" making his true self confront with the protective mean personality he's created. He could learn how to accept it, so he might want the other person to stay in the end, but it wouldn't be easy for him to accept it ("It's awful, I'd rather you destroy my body, tear it to sheds, do as you please" "No matter how much I'm loved by you, my heart is just one" "I don't know this, don't leave me alone")

Nightmare Parade-FAKE TYPE.: Vibes

Slipping Through My Fingers-Meryl Streep, Amanda Seyfried: Niragi seeing himself loosing his young, gentle and caring personality due to his fear, being unable to control what's happening inside, nostalgia and sadness kicking in ("The feeling that I'm loosing her forever" "That funny little girl" "Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture and save it from the funny tricks of time")

Kuroneko No Tango-Pink Martini, The Von Trapps: Vibes

YKWIM?-Yot Club: Him confroting his feelings of loneliness when he's left alone with his thoughts ("It feels like I care too much when I'm alone, oh no")

Romantic Lover-Eyedress: Just appreciating his physical appearance ("She's a killer, I love her features")

Wrecking Ball-Mother Mother: Based on how he sees himself as someone who needs to destroy everything in a way or another in order to be powerful + the fun he has with it ("Call me a reckless wrecking ball" "Let's break it just because we can")

Edge-Rezz: Vibes

Freaks-Surf Curse: Again, confronting feelings when loving someone, but not in such a painful as Kokoronashi ("I need a place to stay where I can cover up my face" "Don't cry, I'm just a freak")

Little Bit-Lykke Li: Vibes

6up 5oh Cop-Out (Pro/Con)-Will Wood and the Tapeworms: Vibes

PHONKY TOWN-PlayaPhonk: Vibes

I WANNA BE YOUR SLAVE-Måneskin: Freaky time. He would absolutely love this song, definitely his type of thing ("You could be the beauty and I could be the monster" "I wanna touch your body so fucking electric" "I wanna make you hungry, then I wanna feed you")

#BrooklynBloodPop!-SyKo: Vibes

A Cold Freezin' Night-The Books: Vibes

A Pearl-Mitski: My most favorite song to associate with Niragi. Represents his evolution as a character. Creating an scenario where he is loved by someone,he rejects it at first, acting tough ("I don't want your touch") and then proceeds to explain why ("It's just that I fell in love with a war, nobody told me it ended" "it left a pearl in my hand and I roll it around every night just to watch it glow") the war being the borderlands and his new personality, he loved it, but nobody drew a line and it's getting out of hand. The pearl is the feeling of power, the one he has to remember when feeling weak just to feel something. At the end of the song it changes to ("Sorry I can't take your touch"), realizing that he wants love, but he's not able to take it or else he'll become the Niragi from the past

Problematic-Bo Burnham: Him acknowledging his problematic actions but not wanting to apologize because he doesn't feel the need to. He knows he's done bad things but he is going to laugh at it and be a sarcastic mf about it

First Love/Late Spring-Mitski: Similar to Kokoronashi, he wouldn't be able to accept love and how it makes him feel. He would think that he prefers for everyone to hate him and be lonely instead of sacrificing his tougher side. Also talks about how he's grown way too quickly for him to understand feelings properly ("So please hurry leave me, I can't breathe, please don't say you love me" "One word from you and I would jump out of this ledge I'm on baby" "I was so young when I behaved 25, yet now I find I've grown into a tough child"

The Other Side Of Paradise-Glass Animals: Vibes

Bodybag-Chloe Moriondo: How I feel about liking his character, confronting feelings basically ("Don't know if I hate you or if I wanna date you" "I don't wanna like you, I just wanna tie you up, then keep you in a cage and watch you sleep for ages"

Get Into It (Yuh)-Doja Cat: Vibes

Psycho Killer-2005 Remaster- Talking Heads: Vibes

HOT DEMON B!TCHES NEAR U!!!-CORPSE, Night Lovell: Vibes

INFERNO-Sub Urban, Bella Poarch: Again, another song that describes him pretty well ("Baby I'm the reason why hell's so hot" "Terribly like terrible, she's a villain" "Think I'm getting butterflies but it's really something telling me to run away")

Bad Morning-Omori: Vibes

Trouble Brewing: Vibes

Dueles Tan Bien-Bruses: Another song about my confronting feelings with this man ("You know what? You taste better than alcohol to me. You know that and you've got control" "Because you hurt, and you hurt so good that I don't know what to do")

And that's it!! This took me the whole day to write but it makes me very happy to be able to share it :)

I've you've read the entire thing, hope you enjoyed the character analysis! ლ(◞‿◟ლ)

[captainkurosolaire]

Things I Like RP Partners to Know

I like to be called: Captain, Kuro, Zach, Degenerate, w/e. I'm typically not nerved by really anything, mostly chill. (Went in-depth and tagged below cut)

One thing you should know about me: I really just write for passion anymore, I don't care about this whole Post+ stuff, it won't play a factor in me. Tumblr has really everything that allows me to write and further myself. However, it ever goes away, even if becomes Myspace 2.0, I'll probably still maintain writing here off and on in spurts. --Now if they shut-down, I might convert over somewhere that's identical, cause Twitter couldn't handle my girth. I'm mildly autistic and suffer from a few other conflicting health aliments, writing is my obsessiveness and remedy. Used to be gaming, but I became less of a gamer, and replaced it more for writing cause It's a place where I can contain and throw all my thought's to usage. My mind overlaps with so much thing's at once, I get side-tracked, misplacement, my concentration shifts horribly, before I know it, I haven't slept for twenty-four hours or more. Lot of stuff is just me being redundant by fault. Or I become overwhelmed with a story ideas, that impulsively takes me, but majority of my best thing's are sudden. Not the one's that are ever planned. But I don't live to make excuses never care to be defined, by one thing, or person. I don't aim to attain much of anything in life but be a better me, until my end. And by analyzing your mind, you can do or achieve a lot I've discovered. So I repetitively no matter what jog down my WIP's and unleash, or my errors, I put them all on badges displays, then I go back and repeat until I show progress. That's how I have to learn. But passion is a candle, so when it burn's out I lose a lot of what I learned, it's natural after that to be discouraged, but instead, for me, that gets me going again. Cause mean's I can come at thing's with a whole new mental perspective and different flow, then compare, and again, adapt and improve. One thing you should know about RPing with my character(s): Everything is a factor and story with me. Losses, they matter. My character originally was highly killable almost every session, but advanced due to the actions of others, because of them, he found the value of his own life, and that's how I like to do my characters. Even the win's my character gets from stories, will most likely have a 'bad ending' occasionally or result into something new sprouting from it eventually, however that doesn't define at-all how permanently it effects them. But seasonally they go through their struggle. Life for real, is up and down's, these are the component's I factor in. Realistically, sure we fall. We never truly decline unless we allow it. Our character's philosophies, their mental judgement, dislikes, etc, all these thing's become ingrained they decide how much they want too fight and live, they step to improve or sometimes stumble under roadblocks, but not truly devolve. So the more people he interacts with or meets and encounters in RP, they are factors, they're meaningful to meet again, or live, their short teachings are insightful. No matter how small or large or incomplete stories went or passed-by. I created a character who was filled in by others initially. Even one-shot smuts, they're important experiences. Lot more to appreciate when your character learns on their own how to surpass their weaknesses and suffering organically. Still do RP with others but typically I do collaborations, or pre-established or short things, or Discord, one-shot in-game stuff, screenshot things that can convey RP. Want to build this Crew as their own functioning characters, not so much minor throwaways, but shippable, and highly in-depth. Essentially building an optional anime for my partner's, one-day. Long-term with me right now just isn't something I'd ever ask or expect from me. I'm too jumbled and a mess. But it's not a never, I do have two people who are among all my stuff and involved. I'd include anyone in my stories too if they wanted partaken. First language: Gibberish / English. Age range: under 13  |  14–17 | 18–22 | 23–25 | 26–29 | 30+ | 40+ | 70+ Am I okay with NSFW?: yes |

no | some nsfw I came solely off that, my reputation, was known as 'That ERP guy' on Balmung OG day's, I'm one of the degen's from that era. But character's evolve and adapt as do their people, they become more, but maintain their origins to degree. Those perspective's and things learned from NSFW are very paramount to a lot of SFW too. My favorite/most common thing to RP is: angst | fluff | smut | crack | action | plots | AUs are fine | Violence | Darker themes |  I dunno. * I'm pretty open-ended in all things. It's all fascinating for me to attempt at improving. Reason finally pulled the trigger and made a diverse Crew for Captain was give off different interactions and also more reason's to write beyond my usual trends. I'll tackle eventually every genre... now doesn't mean I'll excel in those fields more than my specialties, but I'll do it. Canon Character RP Friendly?: yes | no | depends * I stick with the sandbox but I'll stretch out all the space and limits of it. Building skyscrapers and UFO's with that sand, just happens that this Universe has magic, science, alchemy, holograms, all-around unlimited absurd possibilities, more than even D&D, which makes this game the best to RP within. When comes to interacting with anything Canon base, It'll always dwarf me though. Most likely I'll write my own legit WoL's, thinking of making an 'antagonist' one, but more 'protagonist too' (maybe hunk viera male?) I like making construed lines between characters, that's really complex, it's avidly up to a reader to decide who's in the right or wrong or if they're rooting for the villain or good-guy. I see most lore characters as Celebrities which my character would be rightfully cultured in, and they're untouchable, least for my characters. To me the source of what, who, or with you're writing is what determines a lot. But yeah RPing with anything Canon related, I switch to being a just minor gnat. And there's going to be a lot of consequences, that come if there's anything that does effect something that matters in the Universe. Just cause my pirate is causing havoc and having fun for now, doesn't mean law's don't catch-up or something else doesn't. Cause and effect always. RP blog: does contain ooc posts | doesn’t contain ooc posts | occasionally contains ooc* I would do more OOC if did asks, or inbox related things and was wanted, but outside occasional updates, I stick to my role. That's just write stories and screenshots and practice everything. I'm thankful for anyone who does enjoy anything I share or supports me, It's what brings me back faster and I do always think of you too when I want to get better, it's uplifting and inspiring, alongside boosting. If I do bring any motivation to anything, I do. Then that's the best payment I could get. I like seeing others thrive, or soar higher than me, and unleash their creativity. Tagged by:@spotofmummery (Thank ye my treasured friend!) Tagging anyone/everyone: @roguestly @scholarlybreadbun @under-the-blood-moonlight @lettersnorth @violet-warder @lukawarrioroflight @eligos-venator @corpse-dancer @silvernsteel @silvertail-ffxiv @roxinova @lavender-hemlock @fracturedfantasia @zhauric @fair-fae @avwalya @yuki-yukichan @crow-iv @cadrenebula @spellsandtales @casualcatte @seascrapes @mishivymendi @thorcat @aqueerfishtheyis @ljoturyalre @seabound-dragoon @scornedjustice @laylahcousland @layla-grey @moonstruck-ffxiv @snow-covered-moon (Apologies if missed anyone. If there's more who'd like to be tagged again on all these type of things, let me know.)

[hughiecampbelle]

Emotional Whore (Thomas Shelby Oneshot)

Character/s: Thomas

Word Count: 1,008

Tag List: @dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt @myriadimagines @lilyswritings @encounterthepast @death-of-a-mermaid @lotsoffandomrecs @woahitslucyylu @obsessedunicorn24 @thedarkqueenofavalon @fangirlsarah16 @theshelbyclan @captivatedbycillianmurphy @creativemayhems @soleil-dor @thegirlwithoutaname87

A/N: Ahh I'm sorry I've been so lacking in posts and writing!!! I thought you all deserved a non-therapy fic lol and though this was not at all any of the ideas I was planning on writing, it just sorta happened :P I don't hate it, but I'm definitely not as proud of it as other pieces. It's not my typical style, which feels a lil weird. Still, there are some lines I like a lot! This is as close to smut as I think I'll ever get, so I hope you like it! Thank you for being so patient with me and my lil break. It means the world!!!!!! Feedback is always appreciated 💜💖💜

Gif Credit: @nofckingfighting :)

FIC MASTERLIST PART ONE. / PART TWO. / PART THREE.

WANNA BE ADDED TO THE TAG LIST?

Original sin. Not an act against god, but yourself. Going against every instinct, every moral standard you hold for yourself. A moment of self destruction, weakness, a lapse of judgement. Blinded by the gleam of a razor, a decision too enticing, too moronic not to give into. You spoiled him. Let him think he was the one in control, that he had power, that this could be anything more than a kiss, a touch, a fuck. Sweet boy, playful, but he should have known better than to fall for someone who'd rather not sink so low for him. He was the one on his knees, after all. You had ambitions, goals, wants and needs outside of being someone's emotional whore. Believing himself all powerful, all knowing, you would have thought he'd seen the signs soon enough. A life ahead of you left undecided, with no rules, no expectations. Human nature. Someone who'd shared enough nights with faces without names, this was no different.

This was another place to pass through, another person to become and shed when the time was right, another body sleep beside, nothing more, certainly something less.

Hickeys painted cross his neck. Kisses running down your back, between your thighs. Biting, nibbling, giggling between sheets, beneath the shirts you pulled off, discarding all your worries and fears, forgetting too quickly about your responsibilities. It was never supposed to last this long, go on as long as it did. An accident, the first time. A mistake. Slipping from his sheets the next morning, quiet as you could, returning before the sun peaked above the rooftops, wanting nothing more than to wash the smell of him off you. Your boss. The same man who signed your checks, at least for the time being. Taking his phone calls. Passing messages. Learning his schedule, his day to day. Pulling you through the front door, pressing you against the walls. Funny. You would have thought he tasted nothing more of whiskey and hellfire, his words nothing but blown smoke. Sweet nothings in your ear. Curious hands. Nothing but hungry, starved, willing to do anything to make your night.

It was nice, really, to be so wanted, mourned, silently searching the empty space beside him, especting your naked body, but it couldn't happen again.

Until it did. In his office. His bed. His shower before work. The back room. The fucking kitchen. Too many places, too many times a second to dress, to make yourselves presentable. Telling him what he wanted to hear, what he needed to hear. Needing to be pleased, praised, feed his ego before you could get what you wanted. Never what you wanted. A fling, something without a label, no strings attached. It was never a trick, a sceme, merely something dragging on, half alive waiting to die. Things like this, it made you stupid. In the heat of it all, made words trickle from your mouth, from his, that shouldn't have been said. Too used to getting his way, for the world to bend over backwards for him, you had to be the one on top, shoe him the only one in control of this was you. Put him in his place before it got away from him any further.

Two different realities.

One of passion, love, something more. Deranged. Almost felt sorry for him. Fooling himself, causing more pain than ever intended, slicing himself up with his own razors so willingly, so blindingly. The other, something to pass the time, to make things a little less lonely and a lot more exciting. Reality. It was never meant to be anything more. You knew who he was, what he did. You saw a man very different leave the bar than who walked in. How the glass smashed between his fingers, how he bit the bullet, chewed the barrel of a gun if he had to, the cold of his skin when the air changed. More enemies than friends. A wait list instead of a hit list. Too many bullets for a single body. You knew better than to play with fire when all you wore was gasoline. He could pretend to be careful. Thoughtful. Genuine. But he'd light his cigarette with the burning flesh of you without a second thought. Keep your distance. Never get too close, no matter how close you were. Not for a second believe the things he said. Rehearsed. Effortless. How many times had he moaned those same things? To how many unsuspecting bodies?

Catching eyes, attention. If it wasn't those eyes, it was his stride, that wicked look, or that egocentric way of thinking. Whatever it may be, it was a trap. A web they found themselves caught in before they even realized, believing he truly loved them, that they weren't his flavor of the week, that a man who had everything really needed them in his life. Show him how it felt. To be screwed over. A glimpse of what he put them through. Never taking no for an answer, he'd have to learn to sit and beg. This wasn't the place for you. Not the home, or the job, not a place you wanted to settle, to set root. You warned him, you'd be gone before he knew it. In the blink of an eye, and yet he was naive enough to fall. Tripping over himself, banging his head on the way down, catching it on a sharp corner. Believing sex was love, and love was sex. Try all he wanted, you knew the ins and outs of him. You knew him better than he knew himself. What would make him crumble, struggle to breathe, what made him tense, his jaw lock, what made him melt between your arms.

You never meant for it to happen, but you were glad it did.

Let him know what it felt like to be on the receiving end. Lord knows how many he left freezing in their sheets, believing what they had was anything more than a kiss, a touch, a fuck.

[t-n-c]

A more detailed post on the sexual/sensual coding with Viren and Aaravos and my concerns for their interactions in potential future seasons

Trigger warning--discussion of manipulation, coercion, and sexually-charged abusive/invasive behavior under the read more

Hoo-boy.

Okay, this is going to be long and it’s going to be uncomfortable and since I suck at intros I’ll just get right into it.

Y’all know how some of the scenes between Aaravos and Viren have some sexual/sensual coding? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the innuendo between them is so thick you could try and cut it with a damn chainsaw and it still wouldn’t make a dent!

Let’s start with when Viren first sees Aaravos. We zoom in on his eyes--they’re wide and intrigued and he makes these awe-struck gasps

The camera then goes back to Aaravos and pans down his body

From his head

Down his back

To his feet

When Aaravos leaves Viren shouts (‘no! no! no!’) and grabs desperately at the mirror frame.

When Aaravos begins to interact with him and/or have him perform the binding spell, we get another camera pan down his body.

It starts at his face 

Travels down his torso

And stops at the knife held just above his waist

So right from the bat we get something akin to attraction from Viren’s end; we don’t see it reciprocated from Aaravos at first--this changes however when Viren finally decides to complete the spell. Like with previous shots, we start with a down pan of Aaravos’ body

From the face

Down the torso

To the waist

But after we see his blood fall into the bowl and the smoke rise, it cuts to Viren and we see a down pan of his body; however, unlike with Aaravos, we don’t start with Viren’s face 

We start here--with his hands and the knife.

Then it moves down to his waist.

This may be an implication of Aaravos not applying true personhood to Viren and/or not viewing him as an individual with his own thoughts and feelings--perhaps in his eyes, Viren is simply an embodiment of his desires and goals for humanity. But that’s a meta for another time.

Anyway, after that? The majority of all the sexual innuendo comes from Aaravos and his caterpillar (which we now know is a body he can control). And they get increasingly creepier--and more possessive and violating--with time. Let’s recap:

Aaravos creates a caterpillar body for himself; it’s connected to both him and Viren. He has it spawn from underneath his tongue 

Which he then makes scurry under Viren’s clothes, which causes Viren to respond with breathy gasps and moans

We get a scene where it appears as if Aaravos himself is by Viren’s ear whispering

When Viren takes off Aaravos’ caterpillar body it possessively hangs on

Aaravos channels his powers through Viren’s body

Aaravos’ caterpillar enters Viren’s body through his ear

When the caterpillar reemerges it takes the time to crawl over Viren’s ear a few times before settling on the curve.

He webs Viren’s eye with caterpillar silk 

And takes the time to eat away the access

Through out all of these interactions, Aaravos never asked permission from Viren to use/touch/enter his body, but he does it anyway and in scenes like when his caterpillar body goes under Viren’s clothes and webs up Viren’s eye, it even feels like he relishes his invasive/violating actions in spite of (or perhaps because of) Viren's obvious discomfort and/or fear.

Even in more benign interactions, Aaravos invades Viren’s space 

(With the way he leans back and tenses up in the last image, Viren’s still obviously uncomfortable with it)

He convinces Viren to swallow his caterpillar body, so that he can grow and attack the sunfire elves via ambush

(It’s worth noting that during that attack, Queen Khessa gets a dose of Aaravos’ lack of personal boundaries via creepy and sensually-charged intimidation tactics. Apparently sensually-charged abusive behavior isn’t beneath him and that gives me a lot of concern for if/when Viren tries to rebel against him)

As the caterpillar gets bigger, he begins to possessively wrap around Viren; he goes from simply wrapping himself around Viren’s neck and shoulders 

To wrapping himself around Viren’s neck and shoulders and his fucking waist.

Later on in s3 ep9, we get the only time since s2 that Viren ‘reciprocates’ Aaravos’ sensual/sexual innuendos towards him; when Zym’s power is pouring into him, he exclaims ‘yes’ and moans in ecstasy.

And if that’s not innuendo enough, ghost!Aaravos watches him like a fucking voyeur while his back is turned.

(god I felt so uncomfortable watching this scene)

But at this point? We can’t even be certain if that’s fully Viren. See the way his eyes have turned blue like when Aaravos channels his magic through him? This could very well be Aaravos taking control of him to drain Zym’s power for himself and/or force Viren to turn into something. Aaravos has taken so much control over Viren that we don’t know where he ends and Aaravos begins. Even in previous scenes, Aaravos is able to channel his powers through Viren without having to use the staff; like here where we see Viren use Aaravos’ powers with only his hand.

Aaravos also can control Viren’s body somewhat

So we can’t know for sure how much actual ‘enjoyment’ Viren really got out of absorbing Zym or if it was all just Aaravos forcing it on him/taking it from him.

Tldr: There’s a reoccurring theme in Viren and Aaravos’ interactions where Aaravos grows increasingly more possessive and violating toward Viren. And considering just how awful s3 was in handling the complications of war and oppression, I’m reeeeeeally concerned with what the writers have planned for their relationship in future seasons. Because this? This has some really dark implications and it needs to be addressed with seriousness and sensitivity.

[sugarcookiesandsins]

Hey. So I don't meant to come off as rude or offense, but I'm really curious. I know you're a new blog and that you're friends with Kura, but I feel like you lost a lot of originality you could've had. You basically try to mirror everything she does, which I understand it's also because you admire her and want to be like her, but you can't BE her ... Like for example,,, you use "Jae talks" when it used to be "Jae speaks" lol and now you want amm asks when that's all she's been doing. (1)

This is going to be a long answer, but I feel it prudent to respond to this ask in particular because of the evidence this anon has brought against me in regards to my friendship with Kura ( @re-sugance ). She is free to make of these accusations what she will and whether or not she continues to be friends with me is up to her discretion and judgement. Each point that this anon has brought forward will be quoted and addressed. 

1. “…lost a lot of originality that you could’ve had…basically try to mirror every thing she does…”

    I feel that in no way I have lost any originality. I am very proud of my own ideas for my stories as well as the work I have put into making those ideas into reality through each chapter. Apart from Nymphet Garden, all my stories are independent works that are in no way related to Kura or her ideas for her own stories. As for trying to mirror everything she does, there is no way I could even if I wanted to. Like Kura, every writer on Tumblr is unique in their own way with their own quirks and interpretations for even the most common au’s that may exist.

    True, the mafia!au idea for Charmed was not mine, but then again everyone who writes and reads that genre knows that. What is mine, is my application of the idea to the boys. Their profiles, painstakingly constructed so readers could relate more to the story and to the OC, because isn’t that the goal of any ‘x reader’ or ‘reader-insert’ stories? For the reader to feel like they are that main character. Those are my ideas. So please, if you still believe that I am mirroring her, tell me where. 

2. “…because you admire her and want to be like her, but you can’t be her…”

     I will not deny that I admire Kura; she is an amazing writer with a wonderful gift. Nor will I deny, that I have imagined being able to write like that. All of her readers will agree with me that she had a nuance about her writing that blurs the line between reality and fantasy, making the stories more real to our minds than they should be. And because I understand the art in her works, I also understand that I will never be able to be her.

     I have my own writing style that differs from hers by a mile, but I am not disappointed in it. It is a style that I have created over these last 10+ years that I have been in creative writing. I have developed it through what I have read and through my influences in literature, and especially through my own personality that shows through my voice. I have my own merits in my writing, and if I want to rise in the ranks of the tumblr writing group, I will be doing it with assurance in my uniqueness and not the filched merits of others who have already achieved success. 

3. “…you use ‘Jae talks” when it used to be ‘Jae speaks’ …”

If you really looked through all the tags on my old account, you would have noticed that I alternated between the two, half out of forgetfulness for which I had used before and half out of indecisiveness. When I deleted my original blog, and recreated my second one, I decided on which one sounded better when said aloud. You have no idea how many times I felt like a maniac alternating between both, before I decided that talks sounds better than speaks. Even phonetically the ‘ae’ from Jae and ‘a’ talks have a similar vocal shape when I say both words, making them sound better suited than the transition from ‘ae’ to ‘ea’ if I say Jae speaks. 

4. “…now you want amm asks when that’s all she’s been doing…”

    Yes, her and many other authors. If you would like I can provide you with a list of authors that participate in the ‘ask my muse’ and ‘ask my character’ types of asks as they are very helpful. Personally, I saw them more as a way for me to be forced into thinking more about my characters and their backstories, further than what I have to come up with for the story. They also provide authors with the opportunity to get ideas about possible spin-off chapters or one-shots to create.

    As an author, you have read the story and chapter many times, the repetitiveness sometimes causing us to miss the smallest of details. These details are the wonderful little easter eggs that our readers discover and tell us about. This is why I started opening my inbox to ‘ask my muse’ and ‘ask my character’. 

5. “…you already have an advantage given you are collaborating with her and she has a follower base…”

    This is the most disgusting accusation I have heard. What ‘advantage’ do you think I am trying to gain? What you are insinuating here is that I am using Kura, someone who I personally call a friend, to help boost my own popularity on tumblr. I find this downright disgusting and a direct attack on my character and morals. Yes. I am collaborating her, but you best believe that I am putting my own share of work into this collaboration. I have in no way specially requested her to promote me on her website and the only promotion I have ever gotten from her is her tagging me in our collaboration and by reblogging a one-shot I co wrote with another writer. That to is on her recommendation blog and not her main one. I believe that if people follow me it is because they have read my works and enjoyed them. If you feel like I am using her, please ask her yourself. She is very strong individual who I believe is able to cut people out of her life who she feels are toxic. 

6. “Even your writing style has changed.”

     The beauty of being a writer is the ability to experiment with your writing style. Here I assume you mean that my writing style had changed in an attempt to match hers. Subconscious interference is not something to be taken lightly, and if you find evidence that my writing has changed to match hers, I am also sure that you will find evidence of stylistic qualities that will match Joseph Konrad and Jane Austen as well. As I have mentioned above, I am influenced by what I read. I read Kura’s works with just as much voracity as the works of greats. In light of that, I find it no issue that my writing style had changed; it is changing to improve and to learn. 

7. “….I don’t mean to come off as rude or offensive.” ; “Sorry if this comes off as mean but I’m just curious if you’ve noticed that you’re doing the those things as we do.” 

     I think that the first thing is your attempts at placating me regarding the crude accusations you have made regarding my intellectual property and my character. Do not try to justify your accusation of me using a friend to further my own aims or that I am losing my “originality”. If you are accusing me of such, I believe that you should own up to it. And the first step, is coming off of anonymous and facing me as yourself. Additionally, I wonder who this ‘we’ is that you speak of. This means that there is a group of you that share these ideas. I invite you all to come forward, and not just to me, to Kura as well. I believe she also has the right to see these accusations you are making as it involves her, does it not?

I have addressed every point you have brought forward regarding my ‘mirroring’ of Kura’s blog and writing. This will be the last time I will address such claims as they are demoralizing and with the intent of hurting me. I have confidence in my own writing and wonderful friends who have faith my me and my character; this is all I need.

[earthnashes]

Heya Songie, hope you're doing well! I'm going to buy a game on steam but not sure what should i buy. I tried to play Outlast but it scare the shit out of me. I'm thinking to buy The Witcher trio, but i wanted to ask you. I want to buy a game that has a great story, the gameplay and graphics don't bother me at all. What is your advice? Other than horror i can play any games!

Oh I don’t play PC much: I only have the Fallout series and Skyrim in my Steam archive. All of the other games I’ve played are always on PS4.

I remember a few cool PC games (and a few games that aren’t exclusive), though, so I’d recommend:

Fallout 3, 4, and New Vegas: Legit if you haven’t played any of them I urge you to. Don’t care what anyone says, the games’ stories are always what drag me in and despite FO4′s shortcomings, specifically when it came to story DLC (they only had 2, Far Harbor was fantastic but Nuka World needed more to it), all of them delivers. Not just that, the mods. You want a game that can tell new stories over and over and over? Fallout provides that just fine alone, like you always discover something new even if it’s like your 20th playthrough, but it’s the mods that helps the game shine. I’m talkin’ the quest mods and complete overhauls into a new game. For example? Fallout The Frontier: I’m super excited for that one to drop. I’m keeping my eye on another, Fallout: Miami. Or Fallout 4: New Vegas, in which it’s basically building Fallout New Vegas from the ground up using Fallout 4 as a base. The remake we deserve but probably will never get. What is essentially a full remake, another a completely new game... All for the stunning price of... nothing. You get it for free thanks to these amazing people putting their worth into this shit. If you can, support your modders. They do some good work, dare I say better work putting so much care into their creations of the game.

Elder Scrolls Skyrim: Bro it’s basically the same deal here as it is with Fallout: get it for the game itself and it’s fun base-game stories, stay for the fantastic mods. They also feature DLC-sized mods, mods that are essentially brand new games, and once more the modding community continue to amaze me with their dedication.

Ori and the Blind Forest: I watched this game since I didn’t buy it myself and it is gorgeous.

Cuphead: if ya don’t mind being angry, I hear it’s hard but great. I admire it deeply for its animation style.

Stardew Valley: I actually played this one but on the PS4. It doesn’t have like a full and deep story but what’s great about this game is that it’s very relaxing, aesthetically pleasing, and it’s the characters that are surprisingly well written and have complex personalities you get to discover through tiny cutscenes.

The Walking Dead (telltale): Fucking fantastic game, specifically the first two series. 3 was aight, with Clementine stealing the show (but I personally wasn’t interested in playing it because you didn’t get to play as Clementine exclusively like no thx I wanna see Sweetpea.)

The Witcher 3: It looks like a truly beautiful game with a deep and engaging story, so much so that I’m considering playing it myself.

ARK Survival: Okay so, in my opinion ARK isn’t actually worth it’s price tag, primarily because of the toxicity of PVP (like it’s moreso than usual) and the plethura of bugs it has and the admittedly shady practices of its developer. Now, that said? I love the game. For all of it’s faults, it’s honestly really fun: I prefer solo play but if you get a good band of buds to play with on PVP or PVE it’s even more fun. It has like.. some sort of semblance of a story, but it’s mostly just background noise, but this game is absolutely fantastic if you like a game that gives you the tools to essentially create your own story and essentially roleplay it out. That’s what me and my friends kinda did and we used to play the game for hours and days at a time because of it. I’ll tell ya’ll some of the shit we got up to later, I fondly remember them.

7 Days to Die: It’s a lot like ARK in that it doesn’t actually have much of a story to tell (in this case. barely at all) so it’s up to you and your friends (or just you if solo) to make one up and roleplay it. Unlike ARK, this game is sinfully cheap for the amount of fun it provides and don’t let it’s dated-like graphics fool you. It is a very solidly built game and some of the most fun I’ve had with a zombie game in years. It’s also on sale right now I think?

MASS EFFECT SERIES: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  SORRY BUT THIS IS LEGIT MY FAVORITE GAME OF ALL TIME???? FUCK. I love this game! The characters, all of them are so well written and compelling and arguably the best part of the game. The atmosphere is breathtaking, especially the places you get to visit while playing the game (especially Andromeda like wow the game’s gorgeous), the gameplay is fantastic (it has it’s flaws but it works for the game for sure), the dialogue is some of the best I’ve experienced, and the story honestly makes you feel like every little thing you do in the game actually matters. Like everything has it’s rewards and everything has a small story to tell in this game: it’s why when I replay the entirety of it I play all of the games from the very first one to Andromeda. Now, I will say if you’ve never played this game I highly recommend playing the first one first. Not only because of the story but because, as much as I adore the game, the gameplay is.... well. It’s kinda bad. Like it’s legit my least favorite to play because it can be kinda taxing in the gameplay aspect, specifically combat and that goddamned Mako. Also don’t just listen to all of the naysayers about Andromeda if you decide to play it because honestly, it is not that bad. And in comparison to the first? It does a much better job with setting up the series (if we ever get more of it, fuckin’ EA) than the first does, especially the characters. But like all games, I just recommend that you play them and make that judgement for yourself whether or not you think it’s worth your time.

Dragon Age series: I’ve never played the first, I will be playing the second soon, but I have played the third and I’m honestly surprised by how much it impressed me? This game seems to get a bad rep for a lot of stuff but from my perspective as a newcomer, it was a lot of fun to play and the story was fun and the cutscenes, when they mattered, were goosebumps inducing. That scene, the scene where they show their faith in you? I’m not gonna spoil it but jesus. The combat takes some getting used to but overall a fun game with a fun story and, once again, it’s the characters that draw me in.

Far Cry Series: From what I hear the stories are good enough as well as the gameplay and, from my experience playing the 5th one, that’s all true. I dunno about the rest of them but the 5th’s ending though? It’s total shit. I’d recommend playing it because, despite the bugs and some bullshit physics it honestly was really fun and the story did keep me interested to the bitter end. I’m just angry at how they ended it. Yeesh.