#I'm gonna delete all of them and just have them all collected here

[robinsonprojection]

Monster Hunter Location Icons

[byanyan]

finally going through my likes to collect all the asks i've wanted to reply to since fucking april to add them into my drafts

i'm. i'm trying to at least start getting my shit together here. i've felt the strong urge to give writing a shot since yesterday, so. i'm gonna see about potentially doing some tonight? maybe?? still teetering on the edge of falling into Bad Thoughts when i let my mind wander too far, so idk how long the attempt will last or if it'll be successful, but.

[astonmartinii]

Could you do a smau where she’s max’s sister and dominating MotoGP the way max is f1. Maybe they have the typical annoying younger sister/protective big brother relationship and he finds out she’s dating one of the f1 drivers? Xx

cherry lip balm | oscar piastri social media au

pairing: oscar piastri x motogp!verstappen!reader

the verstappen siblings run motorsport, but the youngest's f1 allegiances may belong elsewhere

f1 and motogp

liked by oscarpiastri, danielricciardo and 1,405,466 others

tagged: maxverstappen1, yourusername

f1 and motogp: happy international siblings day to max and y/n verstappen, these two have 60 wins between them 🏆

view all comments

user1: my faves i love them

user2: the way jos wasn't gonna let them kids do anything else lol

yourusername: + victoria verstappen the patron saint who puts up with both of us love you 🥰

maxverstappen: you mean putting up with you ? i'm a mature man of the world now

yourusername: girl you are fussier than all of our nephews put together mature MY ASS

maxverstappen1: i am mature and i have BOUNDARIES

yourusername: yeah you have boundaries between all your food you bland man

victoriaverstappen: i think you just proved y/n right

user3: they are the most unhinged people ever i feel so bad for victoria lol

user4: patiently waiting for y/n's championship

marcmarquez93: no marquez representation?

yourusername: you need to serve more

maxverstappen1: you guys don't have the verstappen sass

user5: someone needs to stop them 😭

yourusername

liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1 and 832,771 others

yourusername: the two sides of a race week

view all comments

user6: the way she won this race and was like yeah i need that 0.5 of me drinking coffee actually

yourusername: it's a hot chocolate cause i'm a child

user7: are we all collectively ignoring the whole ass man on the last slide?

maxverstappen1: no we're not Y/N Y/M/N VERSTAPPEN CALL ME THIS INSTANT

yourusername: calm it on the all caps and maybe i'll call you

maxverstappen1: MAYBE?

yourusername: well that's not making it any better maxie

user8: i can't loose this parasocial relationship y/n get that man's hands off of you now

landonorris: y/n please pick up max's call he's threatening to throw my monza trophy PLEASE PICK UP I DON'T HAVE THAT MANY TROPHIES

yourusername: please refer to my previous comment about all caps and then come back

landonorris: y/n may you please call your beloved brother back so my very limited trophy collection does not get destroyed

yourusername: sure just for you lando ❤️

maxverstappen1: STOP FLIRTING PLEASE

yourusername: i just picked up ... and ur still commenting (plus that's not lando in the pic btw he's too skinny to be him)

landonorris: why am i getting bullied by both verstappens today, i'm just trying to help :(

maxverstappen1

liked by oscarpiastri, yourusername and 1,034,661 others

tagged: yourusername

maxverstappen1: there's no party like a verstappen party and a verstappen-only party with no BOYFRIENDS because they don't exist :)

view all comments

user14: ahaha passive aggressive max is my fave

yourusername: just cause you're too much of a pussy to ask charles out so i can't have a boy friend?

maxverstappen1: what?

yourusername: what?

user15: max as overprotective brother is my new favourite thing

danielricciardo: i fear y/n is 22 years old and her own woman

yourusername: awwww thanks danny at least one man here has SENSE

maxverstappen1: how much did she pay you to comment that?

danielricciardo: she didn't pay me but my house plant currently at hers was being held at gun point

yourusername: i would never

danielricciardo: so i can delete my comment

yourusername: do that and sheila gets it

user16: i know we should be more concerned with max going insane, but daniel's choice of name for his house plant is the most pressing issue

user17: hear me out but for comedic purposes ... i need y/n's bf to be a driver

maxverstappen1: do not speak that into the universe

oscarpiastri

liked by landonorris, yourusername and 808,943 others

tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri: i like the taste of her cherry lip balm

view all comments

user22: what 😭 the 😭 fuck 😭

yourusername: you don't taste half bad either ;)

oscarpiastri: come back to bed

maxverstappen1: NO NO NO STOP RIGHT THERE OSCAR JACK PIASTRI WHAT ARE YOU DOING DON'T SAY THAT ABOUT MY SISTER

oscarpiastri: how do you know my middle name?

maxverstappen1: i called your mum, anyhow YOU ARE A DEAD MAN

oscarpiastri: how did you get my mum's number?

maxverstappen1: i'm trying to threaten you please stop asking questions

yourusername: maxy please stop trying to be scary i know you still wear footy pjamas at christmas

maxverstappen1: well i hope oscar is terrified by my christmas spirit

user23: i feel like i lose brain cells watching y/n and max talk to each other

user24: we ignoring the fact that max managed to get oscar's mum's number just to ask for his middle name PETTY KING

maxverstappen1: it was more than a middle name, i needed a character witness

yourusername: CHARACTER WITNESS? YOU WORK WITH HIM? YOUR BEST FRIEND IS HIS TEAMMATE?

maxverstappen1: i understand you are making points and no one has a bad word to say about him ... but i've got to stick to the bit now

oscarpiastri: so i'm not going to die in hungary?

maxverstappen1: no. but keep all your business to yourself, i don't need to know what lip balm my sister uses and that you own a bed

oscarpiastri: got it 🫡

user25: well that was dramatic

maxverstappen1

liked by oscarpiastri, yourusername and 1,203,788 others

tagged: yourusername, oscarpiastri

maxverstappen1: congrats on your first podium in f1 oscar, welcome to the family i guess ... don't take photos on my phone every again

view all comments

user28: so we can all say oscar has max's approval now?

user29: mans was like wow he challenged me in the race he has the stamp of approval now

yourusername: jokes on you we look great @oscarpiastri

oscarpiastri: and what the people don't know is that max was also doing face masks with us

maxverstappen1: not the serve you think it is i am very secure in my masculinity

yourusername: i'm glad you've gotten over your weird older brother act ... does this mean you'll both come to my next race?

oscarpiastri: i'll be there :)

maxverstappen1: i guess

yourusername: whooooooooop finally

user30: the way i am so happy for oscar i feel like i've been on this journey with him

user31: honestly rookie of the year and it's not even close

user30: i was talking about him and max... but yeah he's doing great !!!

landonorris: can i also get a pass for your next race y/n for keeping it a secret?

maxverstappen1: WHAT

yourusername: ur so dumb i actually can't

oscarpiastri: i'm not helping you here dude i just got approval

landonorris: well now i regret helping you guys

maxverstappen1: open your door lando

user32: is he dead?

yourusername

liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1 and 1,348,300 others

tagged: maxverstappen1, oscarpiastri

yourusername: fifth win of the season, my family and the love of my life, what could be better

view all comments

user33: i feel like the shit storm of max and oscar has defo distracted us from the fact that f1 and motogp fans are suffering through a verstappen winning nearly every race

maxverstappen1: i want everyone to appreciate my character growth as i took that gross ass last photo

yourusername: thank you maxy, what a sacrifice

oscarpiastri: thanks dude, you did push me in the water right after though

maxverstappen1: uh you snooze you lose, a verstappen rule of life, you had no phone on you so fair game, i thought you wanted to be part of this family

oscarpiastri: I DO ... does this mean i can push you in next time?

maxverstappen1: absolutely not.

yourusername: do it anyway osc i'll protect you babe

oscarpiastri: idk i'm scared

yourusername: he's ticklish he's so easy to beat

maxverstappen1: THAT WAS A SECRET Y/N

user34: if you told me last season that i'd see max go from wanting to kill piastri to being brothers with him and that i'd know he wears footy pjs and is ticklish i'd laugh in ur face

maxverstappen1: ONLY AT CHRISTMAS

oscarpiastri: don't worry mate i think it's cute

maxverstappen1: okay now i prefer you over y/n

yourusername: who? what? where? when? why?

oscarpiastri: soz babe you snooze you lose

note: ahhhhh i really enjoyed writing this so i hope you enjoy i love writing comment domestics if you couldn't tell lol xx

[slutforln4]

needed me.

🖇️ single life felt good after lewis broke your heart, but being taken felt even better after he fixed it.

🖇️ lewis hamilton x actress!reader

🖇️ social media au, no face claim.

🖇️ requested by a lovely anon, but i decided to make it into a smau because i felt like i could portray it better. enjoy 🤍

instagram—

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, lewishamilton, carlossainz55 and 8,934,837 others

yourusername single never looked this good

comments—

user1 mother???

user2 wait... they broke up????????????

user3 he fumbled BADLY

charles_leclerc carlos and i miss you cherie, when will we see you at the races again?

yourusername i'll be there when i can ❤️

yourbsf1 good riddance lh 🤍

yourusername haha stop 💋 come over, pasta night yourbsf getting in my car as we speak

user4 not yn's bestie putting his initials 😭

user5 iconic, i can't lie

user6 notice how lewis is still in the likes

user7 yn is so powerful that the men just can't resist ❤️

ynactressnews

liked by yourbsf, lewishamilton, charles_leclerc and 76,973 others

ynactressnews yn ln cast as Lara Croft in the upcoming "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider" movie!

comments—

user8 OH MY GOD

user9 MY FAVOURITE ACTRESS AND MY FAVE GAME???? i'm unwell babe

user10 this is beautiful, i'm in awe of this woman

user11 she's about to serve so much cunt.

yourbsf i know that's right!

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, yourbsf, lewishamilton and 20,394,837 others

yourusername cute props

comments—

user12 i'm foaming at the mouth

user13 mommy.

user14 reject me so i could move on. PLEASE.

user15 how does lewis live with himself knowing he lost all THIS

yourbsf pretty girl ❤️

user16 i'm heartbroken for hamilton actually. lost the baddest bitch in the world and for what

yourbsf for the eight championship he can't seem to win ❤️ *this comment has been deleted

user17 YN'S BEST FRIEND IS FUCKING BADASS LMAO

user18 okay we get it, can the f1 stans shut up now

user19 right like we know your fuckass driver lost yn, pack it up and move on

user20 it's as much our loss as it's his, and we're here to support mother slaying!

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55, scuderiaferrari and 5,847,164 others

yourusername supporting the best ❤️

comments—

user21 omg

user22 i forgot she's friends with charles omg this is cute

scuderiaferrari ❤️❤️❤️

charles_leclerc was lovely having you back at the paddock, yn❤️

yourusername it was lovely being there, charlie. always fun with you two around

user23 they're so cute i love them

user24 lewis and yn? OUT. charles and yn? IN.

user25 can we not... they're just friends

user26 i wonder how lewis is gonna take the news...

twitter—

instagram—

yourusername

liked by yourbsf, charles_leclerc, landonorris and 8,938,736 others

yourusername girls talk boys

tagged | francisca.cgomes, lilymhe, carmenmmundt, yourbsf

comments—

user27 THE WAGS AND YN (??!/?:&:@;

user28 i'm having a stroke. wdym lily and yn's best friend and carmen and kika and yn had a fucking boy talk sesh in an elevator in MILAN. peak girlhood.

yourusername it was a beautiful experience

user29 notice how yn's in italy now...

user30 boutta pop up at another race

charles_leclerc monza will look much brighter with you there, soleil

yourusername i only reflect what ferrari's golden boy shines on me 💋

charles_leclerc you flatter me, cherie

user31 is it too early for charlesyn allegations?

user32 i'm calling all the yn and ferrari girls for a collective meeting, effective IMMEDIATELY

scuderiaferrari

liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername, carlossainz55 and 567,938 others

scuderiaferrari Always a pleasure having @/yourusername in our garage 💫

tagged | yourusername

comments—

user33 she's either being so supportive of her friends or she's doing this to drive lewis insane

user34 could be both, probably liked by yourusername

user34 yn's paddock fits >>>

yourbsf her paddock fits always slay liked by scuderiaferrari

user35 this is so funny to me

twitter—

instagram—

yourusername uploaded a story

replies—

yourbsf TWO plates? girl you better be bringing charles leclerc himself as an early birthday present.

yourusername can you blame me? lu knows the way to my heart ❤️

yourbsf so he also knew the way to your heart when he called you his friend on live tv after you had posted a hard launch that HE suggested?

yourusername he's drowning me in fucking prada heels and brand name gift bags

yourusername he got you a louis vuitton purse too babe

yourbsf never once doubted him 🤍 great man

yourusername LMFAO

yourusername

liked by lewishamilton, yourbsf, charles_leclerc and 4,873,446 others

yourusername flicks

comments—

user36 so... about that insta story.

user37 two plates...

user38 idk if this makes me sound dumb but why is that relevant at all

user37 yns best friend is a popular youtube star and she's filmed a few videos with yn. in a vlog of their trip to barcelona, yns best friend exposed yn for always sitting alone on her jet. and in a future video where they were travelling with lewis to the abu dhabi gp, there was a shot with lewis and yn sharing a seat on the jet. yns best friend said that the only person yn sits with is lewis, so everyone's freaking out.

user38 oh!!! that's cute

yourbsf playing detectives here damn

yourusername they're better at it than you, i fear

article—

imessage—

lewis 💋

you think they’ll stop attacking you now?

my girl ❤️

i didn’t really care that they did baby, but thank you

lewis 💋

i still think you should hard launch me again

that pic of me with roscoe

my girl ❤️

so you could friendzone me on live tv again?

in your dreams, honey

lewis 💋

true

i do dream about you

and i want to do it right this time

my girl ❤️

if you promise to buy me a benz next, i’ll consider

kidding, check insta in a few x

lewis 💋

way ahead of you, princess

check your driveway

instagram—

yourusername

liked by lewishamilton, charles_leclerc, yourbsf and 5,762,819 others

yourusername lara croft loves her boys and her benz x

tagged | lewishamilton

comments—

yourbsf sick of seeing you two gushing over each other again. gross.

yourbsf kidding 💋 i love you guys, thanks lewis for lending me the mansion and your 12 lambos, 36 mercs, 4 ferrari’s and 7 porsches!

charles_leclerc it’s funny how all of these are true

yourbsf you just called me funny… i’m free whenever you want me

charles_leclerc oh, how sweet. does tomorrow 8pm work?

yourbsf anything works for me baby 💋

lewishamilton i’m ignoring how insufferable my future teammate and your best friend is.

lewishamilton anything for my girl ❤️

yourusername what was that?

lewishamilton my GIRLFRIEND! my PARTNER! my SIGNIFICANT OTHER! the girl i will MARRY!

yourusername that’s better x

*comments on this post have been limited

🖇️ this is kinda hot, i dig it

[cleolinda]

I'm gonna admit that I got on Twitter like a big ol' dramatic dork last night and said, knowing full well that Elon Musk was doing exactly this, "If he changes the name to X, I'm out, I can't do this anymore."

Not because "X" is doofy and a terrible branding move, although it is, but because he wants to do THIS shit. Yeah, no, I am not hanging around for your global interactivity "everything app" bullshit. You want me to fucking BANK with you? YOU? You just lost about $30B running a platform into the GROUND by FIRING EVERYONE and doing whatever damn thing popped into your head between shitposts? Are you HIGH? I cannot hang around for this "tech king of the world, 420 blaze it lmao" bullshit. I could not stay at my beloved Livejournal after SUP said all the users would be subject to Russian law in 2017. I know The Moment when I see it. I can't do this.

I admit, I might go back every few months and say "Hey, I posted XYZ on any platform but this, please leave this godforsaken place," and I don't want to delete my accounts. I've been on Twitter since 2008, and I have a ton of livetweet threads (on my main and also on an alt for that purpose. Remember that time I livetweeted the Twilight gender-change book? That glorious trainwreck?). I've saved some of them via Thread Reader PDF downloads, but there are still more to get. I don't want to utterly destroy book and TV discussion we did over there.

I haven't used Twitter regularly since maybe 2016 (about the time the post-Gamergate alt-right really moved in), but the conversation and community, decentralized though it was, before that--we're going to lose the last vestiges of that, the way everyone on Reddit was upset about losing the collective knowledge over there. And I'm so fucking angry about it. I'm so angry. I immediately came back here the week he took over last year because I knew, I KNEW, somehow that Twitter would be destroyed. I just thought it would burn down in a smoking heap of rubble, not turned into a shambling tech zombie under a different name. I just. I can't do this anymore.

Also, shut the fuck up, Linda Yaccarino. Just because you can put Elon Musk's nonsense into coherent verbiage doesn't mean "a global social media/marketplace/banking system/walled garden that's basically X-Treme AOL" isn't a fucking nightmare. I hope the EU bans the fuck out of you both. See you in bankruptcy court.

[jovial-thunder]

Lancer Tactics devlog

I'm gonna try out posting my ~monthly devlog roundup here as well. These suckers are glorified changelogs with anecdotes and gifs galore. Let me know if this is something you like seeing show up on your dash?

Map Editor

Got units able to be placed/deleted/moved in the mission editor

Can paint/remove command zones in the editor

Can paint minecraft-like terrain blocks in the editor

Can paint/rotate multi-tile props in the editor

Can edit unit character sheets and portrait via the editor

3D maps

Did a bunch of art tests with 3D mech models, provided by GeneralChaos, which we ended up deciding not to go with to keep things simple.

To avoid the can of worms that is animation, we'd have to lean into a static "tabletop minatures" aesthetic which we decided is not a style we want to be stuck with. By sticking with 2D sprites, we avoid falling into a sort of uncanny valley; it's easier to get away with not animating a 2D sprite than it is for a 3D model.

 We also experimented with 3D terrain. We decided to make a rule that the visual style for a piece of terrain should match its mechanical effect: obstructing terrain that you can't move through, such as rocks or buildings, will be in 3D, while non-obstructing terrain like trees will stick with 2D sprites.

Hooking up the 3D camera to follow events like movement and attacks did a LOT for making it starting to feel like it's cohering into an Actual Game™

Implemented cover! And an attack preview! Cover works by aiming a ray from the target to the originator (technically to and from each voxel of each, respectively, to handle size 2s shooting above size 1 cover) and tracking all the terrain blocks it hits (how we'll handle non-terrain hard cover TBD). I think I have it working according to Perijove's cover rules manual, but I'm sure there'll be edge cases to work out. This is a case where things are significantly simplified by working in squares instead of hexes; hexes have a lot more possible weird angles you have to deal with.

Re-added what I'm stubbornly calling Combat Popcorn; little bits of text that pop out when you use abilities and attacks.

UI & game screens

Added ability for the engine to show UI that's anchored to the game world via a little word bubble line but also stay on screen as the camera moves around.

Got word bubbles working; you can now write dialogue in the mission editor, hit playtest, and see it work in a mission! (it does actually translate correctly now; this gif is just from a bug I thought was funny)

Got ability effects mostly behaving appropriately again, including muzzle flashes. The easiest way to handle them ended up being NOT billboarding them so they always face the camera (like all other 2D sprites in the game); instead, I put them on a plane parallel with the ground and just spin them around the unit to point at wherever their target is.

Did some work ironing out our tooltip system. The standard in CRPGs these days is this kind of nested labyrinth of tooltops that you see in Baldur's Gate 3:

I Did Not Want to try and figure out how to wrangle that much UI, so we're instead opting to cap the nested tooltips at the second layer. You can lock a general tooltip for e.g. an action and then mouseover various items within that tooltip to get glossary definitions...

...and then instead of having those glossary tips be lockable/mouse-overable themselves, I collect all related terms to that glossary definition and let you tab through them.

Added skin overlay functionality to the portrait maker, enabling textures like scars, tattoos, stubble, and vitiligo to be applied to just the skin and not extend off into space.

Midway through writing this update, Carpenter sent me this gif of the randomization button working! There's a still a bunch of skintones/assets missing and a few are a bit janky, but it was exciting to start seeing the range of these lil freaks (affectionate) that this editor can create.

Mourning cloak license!

This is the one I'm probably most excited about: I did a bit of a content dive and implemented a basic character sheet + all Mourning Cloak traits and equipment. They don't have fancy graphics yet, but the weapons and systems can be added via the character sheet and used in-game.

It took a little under a day, including adding soon-to-be common mechanisms like bonus damage. This is great news in that it means the engine we've been building for so long in the abstract seems to do a great job in handling comprehensive actual game content, and that it looks like we've set ourselves up for success when it comes time to buckle down on churning that out.

I'm sure other licenses will come with unique difficulties (I fear the day it comes time to do the Mule Harness // Goblin CP) but I'm feeling good about it!

Vertical slice?

Taking a step back, the pressing question on my mind has been "when will we have a playable early access build?"

I was originally hoping for Feb/March, but what we've internally been referring to as the "3D cataclysm" has pushed everything back by at least three months, so the target for the first alpha build is now in May. So, ah, thanks for your patience! Seeing things come together, I've become more and more convinced that moving to 3D was the right call.

[gigidragonbbxxx]

The Dark Side of Loass + motivation

I was on my daily reddit scroll while sipping my morning coffee when I saw something extremely disgusting on my homepage.

It was a manifestation success story by a man who claimed to have manifested his "perfect" gf - the kicker? She's underaged and he is a fully grown man.

The post has been deleted but the original poster's account is still up, as is his comment history. In his comments he details how he essentially used SATS and shot a message to someone he saw in discord. Apparently she is 15, lives with him due to an abusive situation, and yes they are s******y active. Apparently he treats her very well (he even mentioned bringing her to school YUCK) and buys her a lot of stuff and she's happy.

Let me make this clear:

a girl in an abusive home situation is not "saved" by an adult man taking advantage of it in the guise of "improving" her life situation while subjecting her to doing physical things she cannot consent to because she is not a damn adult.

I did some digging and it was not very long until I saw his first-ever comment about it and it was worse than I thought. I was trying to give the benefit of the doubt like maybe he visualized for a perfect gf and he didn't know she was a minor. Well, that says more about me than anything bc yes I found out that he had specified that he wanted her underaged. He literally says in the comment "specifcs that could get me in trouble". He made a lot of comments about her body, etc. and quite literally said something along the lines of "I'm her savior and shes my obsessed loving gf". Keep in mind...one of the titles this man used (he posted twice in diff subreddits) was "I manifested a s** s****e". So. Yup. He's a whole p*do.

I will not be sharing links as I don't want to give that horrible man any more traction but if you read all that and said to yourself, but Gigi whats that got to do with the dark side of the law of assumption? and why would you say there's a dark side to it?

The truth is that the law isn't dark at all, the evil part of the law is the people who use it for evil.

This is why good things can happen to horrible people.

This is why you see villains win.

They may have an amazing self-concept OR they just are under the assumption that NO MATTER HOW HORRIBLE THEY ARE THEY GET WHAT THEY WANT EVEN IF ITS FUCKED UP AND MORALLY TWISTED.

It's why you see nepo babies who aren't talented get shit handed to them - THEY EXPECT IT BECAUSE OF WHAT? WHO. THEY. ARE. SO CHANGE YOUR INNER SELF. EMBODY THAT CONFIDENCE.

This is why I wanted to share that story with you, it is to motivate you: if you know you're a better person than that horrible man, WHY CAN'T YOU HAVE EVERYTHING YOU WANT TOO?

Shouldn't you deserve even more for being good?

Stop thinking you don't deserve things bc guess what? People who are genuinely criminals are out here manifesting - so stay on your zoom and FOCUS. SATURATE. DISCIPLINE. COMMIT.

and let's all collectively agree to pray for that girl. I'm honestly gonna affirm that she gets saved and ends up in a situation where she is protected, loved, and away from predators.

Do not let evil win. Use it to remind yourself that the law is about BELIEF not FEELING.

with a heavy heart, xx, gigi

[doukeshi-kun]

regarding beandaifuku

hello, people. as you may have known, i have deactivated my old blog (beandaifuku) since about a month ago or so. i really appreciate the love and support received for the blog and the memories created there. as it was my first time creating in tumblr, i am grateful that fun memories were created there, as well as the amount of friends i've made from there

i understand that it was hypocritical of me to delete that blog when i did say i will just keep it archived when i first moved here because i understand the feeling of having works you like deleted. firstly, i am sorry for that. so, i created a collection in AO3 where i have archived some of my works from beandaifuku to there. aside from that, i also have reblogged a few fics and works such as the headcanons to a side blog. you can visit them with these links

AO3 collection

@keshi-medley

as of why i deactivated the blog in the first place—it is mainly because i want to fully move on from it. the writing, the works—they are quite immature writings, so to speak. there are works that i am NOT proud of and i do not want to see it existing. i know it won't fully get deleted since some people did reblog the works, but at least it will just stay in that bubble.

i have archived some fics but i definitely will not archive ALL works or drabbles i have done. because then, what's the point of deleting the blog if i'm just gonna have all works stay up.

and honestly, i also don't see the point of keeping it up when i do not even use the blog anymore. the blog was also infected with (porn)bots liking and following. and quite a number of my fics were flagged unfairly with community labels. as of now, i am very comfortable with my not-so-new identity and blogs.

now, onto some other things.

i know some people probably noticed my attitude on vampire!nikolai AU. frankly said, i have 100% moved on from it. i lost interest with it. generally, i do not really reblog those posts about writers and readers discourse/opinions—usually about how readers should at least give some comments or appreciation for the works a writer has done. i never talk about it, but that doesn't mean i don't care. in fact, i was heavily affected by it in the old blog.

that happened with vampire!nikolai AU after its so-called hype has passed. i was still enthusiastic about it as there were a few people giving asks about it. but that enthusiasm was not reciprocated, which led me to lose interest about it totally. i have completely moved on and i have other AUs i want to explore and write about, such as my latest ongoing series, Trash Sugar Magic.

on a side note, just saying, one of the reasons i'm not sick of stalker!au despite it has basically ended a few months ago is because some people literally analysed the fic and its details—which is like my favourite type of discussion. trust me, your enthusiasm towards a writer's work will keep their enthusiasm alive too.

i really appreciate people who love and find joy in my old works. i definitely am. it was a hard decision for me to deactivate it either since i know people are still tuning in. matter of fact, i have contemplated it for months and started by slowly taking down/privating the stuff i have posted there. and for that, i am deeply sorry.

these are all the information i could share. i honestly do not want to talk about it and keep the rest of my reasons private. but i hope you guys understand and respect my decision. i have no plan of deactivating doukeshi-kun and/or cherikolya. the worst i do in this blog are just blocking people indiscriminately and deleting old insignificant posts.

tldr; i deactivated the old blog because i have moved on and i don't want to see the fics i'm not proud of stay up and my enthusiasm wasn't reciprocated which led me to lose motivation and interest to continue on with certain AU.

[pattywagon2go]

FixTF2: What Happened, Why Did Valve Step In, And What Comes Next?

DISCLAIMER: I am in no way affiliated with neither Valve nor the people who run the FixTF2 petition. Do not treat anything I say here as any official announcement of any future plans for the movement. All my thoughts and opinions are mine and mine alone.

As of the making of this post, the save.tf has officially closed down to new signatures, racking up a generous 343,711 total signatures. I've made my thoughts on FixTF2 clear in the past, where I said that I didn't have much hope that Valve would actually do something, but to my surprise, Valve seemed to have finally stepped in and done something about the bot issue plaguing the game for 5 straight years beyond the usual half-assed band-aid fix. In light of Valve surprising me, I want to talk about what's happened, some speculation as to why Valve is potentially doing this, and what I think comes next from all of this.

So, let's clear some stuff up: Is Casual really bot-free?

From what I've seen and heard, yes!

Starting around June 25th, multiple sources reported a massive drop in the active player count for Team Fortress 2 from Steam Charts, being around 15,000-16,000 users vanishing overnight. Many people suspect this to be a large-scale ban wave Valve enacted, and there is a large amount of evidence to support this. (More info from this video by shounic here) Since then, up until the day this post is being written (July 1st 2024), people have reported that Casual servers across all regions have been fairly bot-free, with only the occasional one popping up, a far cry from a month ago, where servers were flooded with them no matter where you went. I myself even hopped on a few games and to my surprise, there were no bots to be found whatsoever. Its honestly been super refreshing to see the game be this clean, as now its actually fun to play once again. I haven't touched the game in months, but since the bots have been kicked out for a little bit, it feels good to play once more. If you haven't played the game for a while cause of the bots, now's your chance to hop in and enjoy the game. Its actually fun to play now that the bots have been squashed. On top of that, (as of the time this post is being written), Valve appears to still be actively curbing cheaters and bots from the game, even setting up a dedicated Steam support page for anyone who gets a game ban here.

So, why's Valve doing any of this?

This is where I'm going to step into speculation territory, as Valve being Valve means there's barely any information they will share with the public, but I'll do my best to come up with some logical explanations. I would say that Valve doing a ban wave has both a short-term goal and a long-term goal. The short-term goal was Valve was always intending to do a ban wave, it just took a while to do. What I think happened was Valve took a while to collect a database of known bot accounts and (presumably) their hosters, and from there, once Valve felt they were comfortable with the amount they had collected, they pulled the trigger and proceeded to wipe them out. They obviously couldn't just outright say "Hey, we're gonna do a wipe of the bots soon" because that would have given the hosters plenty of time to set up proactive measures to make Valve's job harder. The only evidence I really have for this is the dropoff of players on Steam Charts, which shows around 15k-16k players mysteriously disappeared from the game, which seems to point to Valve issuing a game ban toward said accounts/deleting them entirely. Alternatively, Valve could have banned a limited amount of accounts, much lower than the 15-16k shown by Steam Charts, but it sent a scare to hosters who deactivated their bots and took them off the game once they knew Valve was watching them, but this explanation I don't have much evidence to prove beyond scattered Discord screenshots of supposed hosters telling people to change their bot configurations due to Valve clamping down on them. The long-term goal of this, though far-fetched and lacking evidence to support, could have to do with Deadlock, their next game, as a proactive measure to prevent these same malicious actors from flooding the game on Day 1, something many people have pointed out and what's happened to CS2 not even a year into its launch.

(UPDATE: Ok I might as well address this cause it did come up while I was writing the post, but a Team Fortress 2 DLC for an upcoming Funko Pop game called Funko Fusion was announced, and people have said that the only reason why Valve squashed the bots was because Valve wanted the game to look good in time for the crossover.

Now I am by no means a fan of Funko Pop, I think they look a bit ugly and there's a myriad of other things people take issue with, but that's all outside the scope of this post. I personally don't care that this is happening to begin with, as Funko Pops are something I routinely forget about, so as far as the DLC existing, I don't care that much. That being said, if it is true that Valve only squashed bots due to this collab happening to begin with, then that is pretty sad and disappointing to see, with how Valve wasn't motivated to fix the issue until a different company came knocking and asked them to do something cause they didn't want the DLC to look bad. But since there's no confirmation this is the case, Valve does have some level of plausible deniability here, and ultimately, something good did come from this, at a (to me, cause I couldn't give a shit about Funko) nonexistant cost so I won't complain)

So now time to return to the last part of the question in the title: What comes next?

Well for one thing, the war has not been won yet.

A big mistake with SaveTF2 was once Valve tweeted that they apparently "heard" us and were working to improve things, people largely declared victory and chose to stop there. Yet things didn't substantially improve since then, only cascading into a far worse situation. This time around, we cannot give up as quickly as last time. We are on the cusp of victory, but we need to keep the pressure on Valve. Keep holding them accountable for the bot issue. Put pressure on them to get rid of the bots for good. Don't let them off the hook and give them a slap on the wrist for only repelling the bots for a little bit, because believe me, as soon as Valve stops doing anything and slinks back into the shadows, the bots will return, and they will be far worse than anything we've seen thus far. It happened two years ago, it will happen again if we just declare victory now and go home. What Valve is doing is a great change of pace and they do deserve some praise for what they're doing, but we must make sure they stay committed to fixing the issue at hand. The best time for Valve to fix the issue was 5 years ago. The second best time is here and now. For now, hop on a few games and enjoy the (relatively) clean servers. We've earned a small break after our victory, but once you're done, make sure to grab your best bot-stomping boots, because our job is far from over.

[marigoos]

I’ve been so ill this past few weeks and been hospitalized because of medical concerns. Found out that I have a tumor and it was already malignant. I have a Stage 2A Cervical Cancer and needs help ASAP. 🥺

GOAL: $1800

Oh this is gonna be so fun. Buckle up, children, time for

✨SCAM EDUCATION✨

1:

Someone you don't know sends you an ask and asks for money

This in itself is an alarm bell. Maybe you're used to it if you're a big account, but if you're a smaller one that alone should make you suspicious af. This user does not follow me nor do I follow them. The only case in which this is acceptable is if you're running a donations blog (you know, the ones who collect people in need and make periodic posts to boost them? Which are way more expert in checking for possible frauds, or so one hopes)

2:

If you scroll down their blog, they're very recent

This is their first ever post, notice the time stamp. If it's still active when you're reading this, you can check yourself.

It's even worse because, while it makes sense for someone very desperate to open accounts on any social media that comes to mind and start begging, you scroll down their blog and their posts are mostly untagged gifs of popular shows and scantily clothed women. Which in itself is not a crime, I often do it too (though I don't go around asking money to strangers) but when you've known for weeks (see pinned post) that you were sick, and your blog is only 5 days old, I would expect at least one post about it other than the pinned one, no? Or even just one single original posts instead of only reblogs and one answered ask to another 6-days-old account

Also I'm not one to judge others' sexual preferences but if you're a mom I would expect at least one of the thirsty posts to be about a man, but oh well. Definitely not enough

3.

Check for others' warnings

There's a whole blog dedicated to listing all the scammers here in Tumblr, but I can't fucking member I should follow them if and when I remember

The fastest way is to search for their PayPal account name. First, though, you have to be CAREFUL about clicking suspicious links - always copy the link and paste it in the url bar to quickly check where it redirects you. In this case I saw It did redirect me to PayPal, and I did load it only because I don't have any PayPal app or credentials saved on my phone, so I don't risk payments or credentials getting sent automatically.

Unfortunately this must be quite recent, because searching for Christine Owaga (this guy^'s PayPal) only got me some Facebook accounts, and I don't remember my password so I'm not gonna check those.

However, since this is an ask on Tumblr, I looked on Tumblr for terms like "scam alert", "scam warning", "donation scam" and so on, and I did find something interesting:

Same exact message several times, more than one account, only one of which is still active.

Then I scrolled a bit more and found this one with a sliiiightly modified text, gonna bet that it's because that was when the victim brought a link to someone with a much bigger collection of receipts lmao just gonna link it here

The PayPal account name is different tbh, which means this dude is at least a bit smarter than an actual bot and knows how to spam semi-efficiently. Kudos!

This is not how a legit ill person should behave. Not even trying to bring some evidence, just leaving a trail of deleted accounts.

Gonna tag everyone I saw reblogging the scammer's pinned post so that they can delete it and maybe warn their followers (assuming they're not bots themselves)

@thecherry95 @back-in-19something @underthewingsofthblackeagle @fantasticcollectorkitten @takineko @razzgamer5 @jacks-ace @windywillows-world @aurelia-which-means-sunrise @comradesmooches @loch-tess-monster @urazayt @boodubious07 @satinfables @rateater69 @irontyphoonobject @blackfairyemoji @dannyfoggings @helloparzival13 @rusalkascave

[futurewriter2000]

Needing You

A/N: I'm going to pull so much of personal experience from this that even I might cry at the end but I don't cry so I let's see how far I have healed. Not even gonna lie, this was harder to write than I thought. - It deleted itself in the middle of it so I had to REWRITE IT- but it turned out better than the first time.

REQUEST 15: "Optional("hey! I love your writing, so here's a request: could you do a shot about Remus X fem Slytherin who's James sister and they both have a secret relationship, and when he (James) finds out, Remus and the reader have a really strong fight when he says something like "he's my best friend, you're only an experience" (be free to change this) and they both broke up, and the reader doesn't even talk to james but rather just... isolates herself. nended however you like but IM BEGGING make it like really sad =)nHave a fantastic day! <;3.")" #wattpad

XX

The sky was clear as day. It was the night and you had decided to finally swallow your anxiety and go out with your brother's friend. Your brother didn't mind. He just expected it to be a herbal gathering mission with his sister, when Remus told him about it. He didn't know the two of you were walking around the lake for three hours, holding hands because you almost slipped. Wishing you had planned that slip but you haven't. You put sneakers on in the winter- you haven't thought much with your head when it came to Remus. You just wanted to be next to him... and you were.

Your anxiety was piling up but you couldn't stop smiling. He was shaking, since he was only in a thin black T-shirt and a fancy coat that did not provide much warmth. You marveled at the stars and he pulled you close, showing you all the constallation you knew. You haven't been watching the stars. All the time, you kept thinking about kissing him- having your first kiss with your brother's friend, on whom you had a small crush when your brother was small. You completely forgot about Remus until a few weeks ago when you started to spend more time with your brother, as well as his friends.

The kiss happened on the bench. The lake was in front of you, the stars above and he simply leaned in, finally providing some warmth on his body.

This film has been replaying in your head for the past seven months. Every day, you rewatched it in your head, it seemed to be more magical. Every day when you saw him, touched him, kissing him- you fell in love deeper.

It was as if you were going insane just by loving him. You wanted him by your side all the time. It wasn't as if it wasn't difficult, seeing his friends forcing other girls on him when the two of you were sneaking around, knowing each other's bodies pretty well. You knew every scar, every mole, every inch of his body. You believed he knew yours as well.

Remus was a nerd. He pretended to be cool and collected but he just spent 20 minutes explaining medical propreties of three kind of herbs and how other wizards- Healers even can mix them up.

"What?" he said, quirking an eyebrow as you stayed quiet, smiling at him.

"What what?" you smiled brightly, your eyes glimmering with pure joy.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked.

"Like what?" you fixed your facial expression, hiding away the emotional depth you felt for this boy.

He stared at you for a moment and moved away from you. "Nothing." he said, starting to get dressed.

There it was. That awful feeling. That feeling of not knowing what he feels.

It always came to this. The two of you could talk forever into the night or into sex but never could the two of you talk about your feelings. You wanted to tell him. You did. You wanted to tell him that you were deeply obsessed with him. That you adored every single thing about his character and body- but there was a restrain. There was the familiar lump in your throat that blocked you from speaking any further.

He always had excuses. He was not good enough for you. He can't ruin his friendship with James... he's not looking for anything exclusive at the moment.

You moved to your pile of clothes and started to put on your underwear. I swear, your razor has never been so used in your entire life than in the past few months. You smiled at that and clicked your bra on.

He didn't even notice that your undergarments were matching. Something you felt as if your effort was for nothing, but you felt good when you did things like that. For him. To please him- do it for him... because you loved him.

"Hey..." he was by your side and you got startled a bit from your train of thoughts.

His eyes were lustful and his hands were possessive of your body. You smiled and wrapped your hands around his neck. "Hi." you said as his hand grabbed the hem of your underwear and let it go into a snap on your hip.

"This is really nice." he smiled, watching your breasts in your perky red bra.

"You like?"

"Haven't got a clear view before... but now that I do..." he said and tightened his grip around your waist. "You smell so good..." he continued, but this time it felt more as a growl than a whisper and he purged your lips with his.

It felt as if two universes were collapsing. That's how it felt, kissing the forbidden fruit for him and for you. Even though James presented a small obstacle in the way of your relationship, the whole secrecy seemed to be more exciting, causing more passionate interactions between the two of you the more you two continued this.

He backed you agains the bed... again but you laughed, pushing him away but holding onto his shirt collar. "We have to go, you know that."

He wailed like a small puppy. "I don't want to."

You pulled him into a kiss, just as passionate, just as strong and so hard to let go of it. "I-" you tried but he deepened it in that moment, causing you to heat up and back up on the bed as he crawled over you.

He raised himself up and tool a long look at you, just laying there as your foot found its way to his chest. He took a gentle hold of it and moved it onto his shoulder. "You're so beautiful."

And that was it. Small words, small gestures- you went for it all. Your love couldn't consume him all. It always wanted more.

These moments, your soul didn't care. It was happy, you were happy and you were glowing. Only your roommate was the one who knew about your secret and she didn't agree much with it. She said he didn't treat you as he should.

But you were happy and that was all that mattered.

"I love seeing you this happy but I'm so afraid that you'll get hurt." your roommate said as she made her way to your bed.

"He wouldn't hurt me. He said he would never hurt me."

"I don't know, (y/n)..." she continued but you only laughed and smiled. Something in your heart was so full of love that you couldn't keep it in. Even James thought there was something wrong when you hugged him more than you usually did.

He suspected something was going on with you but he had no clue what.

Or that's how you thought.

Remus came into the room and just as he closed the door, somebody pushed him against it. Defensively, he pushed the person away from him. "What the hell?!" he shouted and saw a pair of furius brown eyes staring at him. "James?!"

"Were you with my sister!?" he shouted, not as if he was asking, simply waiting for Remus to tell the truth he already knew. But how could he had found out. "Tell me!" he snapped, pushing Remus' shoulder. "Tell me that Peter didn't see you leaving Room of Requirements with my baby sister!"

Oh, that's how.

Remus shot his eyes at Peter, than back at James. His eyes let loose. He was tired... and ashamed. You and him talked many times about getting caught but he thought the two of you would end by now... but you didn't.

"It just happened mate."

"Fuck you, Moony!" he pushed him again. "Did the two of you kiss?!" he asked. "Were you her first kiss?!"

"Yeah, okay!" Remus lifted his hands in defense. He felt as if he was being interrogated by the Ministry at this poing.

James only stared at him for a minute, than turned around and ran his hands down his face. He mumbled something under his breath- something Remus couldn't hear.

He then turned around really carefully, trying to control the boiling blood that kept flooding into his brain. "I'm not even going to ask if the two of you shagged- I'm just going to tell you this." he said calmly, however, you could still hear the fury in his voice- the one he never used before, not once in all years of friendship. "You are going to my sister and you will tell her that it's over." he warned. "She doesn't need this Remus. What you have- she doesn't need this." he threw knives with his poisinous glare.

Remus couldn't even argue with him. He knew that this was the reason why James would never let the two of you be together. You didn't know... you didn't and it wasn't your fault but he started this mess, and he felt as if he owed it to James to finish it.

---

By now, you knew something was off. Whenever Remus seemed to stay away from you, you got a strong feeling in your stomach. The two of you could talk it out, always but this time, the feeling was extremely powerful and deep inside, you knew that it wasn't good.

So you avoided him too. You simply felt... afraid...

And James knew. He knew Remus hasn't spoken a word to you yet because you seemed to be cheery and all over the place. Jumping from one friend to the other.

'She seems so happy.' - he thought at first, seeing you talk to one of your friends from class. 'I'm glad he was her first everything... but she can't go through with this. She'd break.' He looked at Remus, who stared into the book, ignoring you completely.

James stood up and walked to him. "Go talk to her." he said, more of a warning than a suggestion. Remus looked up at his friend's eyes and saw the demand in his darkened look. "Now." he finished and walked away.

Remus watched his best friend walk away, Sirius hiding away in discomfort, meanwhile Peter was lost in his own world. He looked at you on the other side of the room and just as he did, your eyes met. His heart stepped a beat, not knowing that it matched yours on the other side.

He shuffled in his seat for a second or two but cleared his throat and walked up.

It didn't take a lot of convincing to let you come with him. You loved him. You would be by his side every second that counted, if it wasn't for the circumstances the two of you were in.

The sky wasn't like before. It wasn't clear as day but it was still just enough chilly. He was about to graduate soon and you will go into your last year. You haven't talked about it yet but maybe this will finally be the conversation that clears all that mess up

You thought.

He couldn't get himself to say it. Your eyes shimmered so brightly- even on a day like this. How could he do this?

"Umm..."

You smiled and took a hold of his hand. "It's me Remus. You can always talk to me."

He swallowed hard and flickered his eyes from your hands to your eyes.

And then it was cold.

"James found out about us... and for me, I think, it's best for us to end this now. " he said, not letting you interrupt him when you started to process information. "I think it's best that we end this." he continued quietly, removing his hand from yours and avoiding your eyes... but you only stared, not blinking once... only stared.

He tried to smile but it wasn't sincere. At least not in your eyes. "We had so much fun- (y/n) but-"

"No..." you spoke weakly, clearing your voice and not letting a single tear fall from your eyes. "You can't just break up over this. James can understand- so he knows."

"No, (y/n)... listen..." he started but you interrupted him before he could continue.

"Why do you want to end it? Finally, James knows-"

"James doesn't want us to be together." he started to get more harsh with you.

"Well, that's his problem, not ours." you snapped back.

"What do you mean it's not our problem?! He's my best friend!"

"And he's my brother- if he was a real friend, he'd be happy for you."

"If he's a real brother, he'd make us break up!"

"What does that even mean?!"

Remus threw his head back. He cannot tell you. Not this. He could tell you a lot of things but the why... that he couldn't tell you. "It means it's over." he stood up.

"Don't you walk away from me!" you shouted behind him and grabbed his arm, turning him away.

"What don't you understand!?" he shouted back, pointing at his head with his fingers. "We were never meant to be, (y/n). It was a ride but we get off now!" he pointed at the floor, steaming from all the fury.

'Why couldn't you just let him go?'

"Oh, it definitely was a ride!" you scoffed, crossing your arms as he narrowed his eyes at your sarcasm. "But you're going to let one James get in the way between this?!"

"Yes!"

"Is HE THAT IMPORTANT, HUH?! WHY DID YOU EVEN CHOOSE ME THEN?!"

"YES!" he screamed at this point. "He is MORE important than you. He is MORE than you will ever be to me!" He lost his temper, blubbering out everything he thought. "I didn't choose you! You were just there- JUST FUCKING THERE- at the right place at the right time- THAT'S WHY YOU AND ME WOULD NEVER WORK OUT. You were an OPPORTUNITY!" he shouted, letting his eyes darken and glare at you maliciously. "And I took it gracefully." he finished in a low growl, his eyes shimmering when all of a sudden you took a step back.

...

...it's that how it felt?

It was like a click in his brain. He was too harsh. He was- you're still James' little sister- he still... "Shit, (y/n)..."

You pulled your hand away from his touch as he tried to take a hold of it. Physically, it wasn't possible for your world to be shaking at the moment... but somehow it has and you couldn't see.

"It came out really wrong-"

And your heart could, in logic, not hurt phisically. Hertbreak is psychollogical but then why did suddently feel as if it had been ripped out of your chest. A hole... a deep dark hole in your chest, sucking every last bit of your soul into it.

"(y/n), please say something. You just stepped on a nerve and I got angry-"

Was the world always this silent? Were the voices around you always this muffled. You couldn't hear, you couldn't feel.

You took a hold of your cold arms and the cold didn't hurt. Your fingertips... as blue and swollen as they were, they didn't pain.

"Come on, let's get inside."

You wish, you could have ran away but your legs felt numb, so you wobbled as far away from him as you could. The first corner you turned to, the moment your legs collapsed and you slid into the floor.

'Was I really this stupid?'

'What just happened?"

'What will my roommate say- she'll mock me-'

'He probably feels so great now that he knows I was in love with him.'

'Why does it hurt so much?'

Random thoughts came through your head. One running over the other- one as random as what to wear tomorrow. But the air was cold and you felt as if you deserved to freeze in it.

The stupidity, naivety and the immense ego death- everything has destroyed you. They say words cannot hurt you but they can. If they say it right, if they say it in the truthful manner- in a manner intended to hurt you... you?

So you thought back to the night the two of you first kissed. He said, the right place at the right time... that's all you were to him. A girl, who was there for him to use. A girl, he had no feelings for, not close to what you felt for the past few months. He kissed you and touched you, he had seen you naked and it didn't mean anything to him. He meant everything to you.

You were stupid. You thought he loves you. You thought you were special when he kissed you. That he found you attractive, beatiful- as he had said but you were just a day given opportunity.

If there was a monster that day, there, he would have kissed it. Because it was just there. Not because it cared for him, because it was his brother's best friend and it had trusted him with itself- no because the monster was just there, by the lake, at the same time like him.

Nothing. You meant... nothing.

---

Grey... the colours were grey. Every single one of them was gray, different shades of it. You promised yourself, you wouldn't let anybody affect you but you couldn't help the feeling in your chest, this soul sucking hole causing your whole body to ache. It felt as if your heart wasn't even there. He ripped it out and destroyed it.

You barely woke up, but you had to... for school. You had to go to school. Not that you cared anymore. You simply just existed. It was as if you couldn't remember when you got out of bed and when you got back into it. Time flew by like it didn't exist at all.

You didn't even know when one week passed by. It just did and nothing much mattered. You sat behind your desk and wrote your Transfiguration paper. It was when you were almost done when he altered your brain and there was the big pain in your throat. You swallowed it, closed your eyes and felt them burn.

You have to finish this. - you thought.

So you did and you forced him away. As soon as you did, you went to the bathroom and washed yourself. Then simply crawled to bed at six pm. It was your ruitine since then. You took a journal, you wrote it down, realising you cannot write things down without crying, so you grabbed the pillow and pushed it to your chest. You squeezed it so tightly in the meaning to place it into the empty hole in your chest.

It didn't cover, so you cried anyway. You did. No matter how hard you tried, you cried.

You don't remember what you talked with your roommates. You plastered a smile and nodded but avoided pretty much everybody.

Everything was a no for you.

A walk? - No.

Hogsmeade? - No.

Dinner? - No.

Study group? - No.

Roommates were a nice distraction but it wasn't enough for the pain. Even when James sent you a note, you always replied with a no. It was automatic by now. You said you had to study or that you were tired. You needed time for yourself. You needed to find your self-worth again because for the past months, you let your happiness depend on one person and that person just took all that happiness away from you.

So what you needed? It was work and sleep.

---

James knew you were heartbroken. He knew he was the annoying sibling but he wasn't used to being annoyed by you. You had always kept your emotions to yourself. The two of you weren't close emotionally but you had your own share of fun together. When he asked Remus when everything started, it was just around the time your bond started to get better. The two of you would spend much time together and you weren't so stuck up or annoyed at any slight inconvinience.

He never saw that side of you. The one that was emotionally opened to him. He didn't know it was Remus the sole reason for that. You were happy, excited and... well, in love. But it was the wrong person. Remus has something that he didn't wish for you to deal with. You were always the rebel of the family. He was the golden child but you were your own person. You didn't talk back t your parents as he did but you did all the things that you wanted. You did everything you wanted. That was your own magic. You were a rebel but you were a kind and understanding person.

James is the tough one in the group. He is the leader, the great one... even in your own family, he is the golden one, the perfect one but you always understood him the way nobody else did. You saw him, behind all of that facade. He loved being around you. You were his safe place. You were... his sister. The sister who gave him all the unsolicited advice and was there for him when nobody else was.

He didn't see much of you and most of the time you ignored his letters and messages. The times he did catch up to you, you excused yourself to go study and he knew you were furius at him because at times, you'd snap at him, throwing harsh words at him.

He knew you were sad and heartbroken but he also knew you'd move on sooner rather than later. You were just dramatic. Women always are.

It was to his surprise when he walked into the classroom and saw you sitting at one of the tables, laughing and smiling with a Ravenclaw his age.

It was Newt's and you were one year behind- so there was no reason you should be there.

Remus was more surprised than James. If he was bound to find out, he couldn't do it now. The protocol was to sit down and take the exam. No talking, no turning around but nothing could make him focus without knowing the truth about your attendence at this exam.

He could hear the professor something whisper in your ear but he couldn't understand it. Maybe, the professor realised you weren't supposed to be there either.

But nothing happened. You mumbled back and you stayed.

It was up until the exam was over when he turned around to see your chair empty, your robe disappearing behind the door. He ran after you but James had already caught up.

The two of you were already arguing.

"What do you mean you're graduating early?" James bulged his eyes out.

Graduating early?- Remus thought. You? Why would you ever graduate early, you hated studying.

"Why not? I've already taken most of the exams and I passed. McGonagall said if I roll up my sleeves and grab the whole thing, I can do it but the chance is small. Yet, here I am." you smiled and that twinkle in your eye that was known to more people to be the twinkle of up to no good.

What were you up to?

"You can't. You don't have any recommendations- not- no." James couldn't piece it together.

"Yes. I'm graduating and I am moving to southern Europe and I am never stepping foot in England ever again."

"Southern Europe?!" James shouted in disbelief. "You're shitting me?"

"I'm not. I have a plan to leave. I always had."

"That was your fairy tale. To live in Italy or Greece or some shit." he started to laugh.

"To be away from here." you said angrly. "I hate it here. I always had."

"No." said James.

"Yes..." mumbled Remus but nobody heard him due to the loud arguing between siblings.

You always said about leaving when the two of you were together. The beach, the culture... you said you felt as if nobody supported you here. The rebel of the family. You confided into him about how you felt there was zero effort made to make something out of you. All attention was always on James and that made you rebel in your family. You didn't want to be like James but everybody forced you to be at least somewhat like him. You said, how people take you for granted, underrating your power.

I guess, this was you taking your power into control.

Before he knew it, you were storming one way and James the other but unlike last time. He chose to follow you.

"YOU CAN'T DO THIS!" he shouted behind you.

"Watch me." you turned around to see him then back around to turn a corner.

He caught up and took a hold of your hand but you snapped it away as soon as it touched you.

Of course, you wanted to see him. Of course, you wanted to talk to him, you craved him but you were furius beside all things. God, you could have screamed at him right now and hug him at the same time.

"You can't do this because you're angry at me. Don't take it on James." he started but you laughed.

"You think, I'm doing this for you?" you laughed, poking his chest with your finger. "I just grabbed the opportunity, Remus. I was just there, at the right place at the right time." you lowered your voice, quoting him.

"Come on- you don't know the whole background-"

"No, you know what Remus. I chose you. I fucking chose you to be my first. That means that I decided to trust you with my soul as well as my body and trusting people isn't easy for me." you continued. "I let you in- quite literally- but I thought we were something and you surely played the role to make me feel that way." you smiled forcefully, hiding away the feeling in your chest. You had no idea how a heart that is no longer there can still break.

"I really cared about you. I still do."

"You moved on, two weeks after us." you finally let him show a bit of your emotions. "Two fucking weeks and another girl was under your arm- God fuck, Remus. The hell is wrong with you."

"A lot..."

"Fuck you for playing the victim all the time." you pushed him hard. "Fuck you- fuck you- fuck you!" you continued to shout angrily. "I won't play the victim because I am not one. I'm moving on- away from fuckheads like you." you spat out. "Because you could have had somebody who would have loved you for everything that you are. You won't find anybody who will be prepared to love you as much as I was. Remember that, Remus Lupin. You won." you threw your hands up in defeat and walked away.

And it was one of those things that stick with you. It stuck with Remus because he didn't see you anywhere else anymore. Neither did James. He didn't know whether you were dead or alive. The graduation, they both looked for you but nowhere.

You disappeared from his life and it was until then when his life started to fall apart for him. You told me he could be whatever he wanted to be- even an auror. You supported him the way nobody else could and you accepted every flaw. He knew you would love him even more if he told you his secret but he thought.... he thought the two of you would stay friends. He thought, he had time with you. He thought he would appologise and the two of you would eventually talk.

He needed somebody. He needed somebody to talk to- always. Sirius was in Azkaban and James was dead. And all he could think about was needing you.

[theydonthavenames]

Wille's arc appreciation post

I find it truly amazing how much Wille has grown and changed in season 2. At the beginning he was the same dramatic, hurt, chaotic, selfish, whingy (very affectionately) teenager prince we knew from season 1. He wanted Simon back badly, but he didn't have a clue how to win him back. But reality hit him in the face- Simon is still mad and he's actually trying to move on dating someone else- and with a *little* help of the biggest star of S2, Boris the Birkenstock Sossen ™️ he's gone so far and almost became a brand new person. There are a few scenes in the second half of the season where his decisions made me really proud of him. It's gonna be long, bare with!

I think the bravest thing Wille did this season was letting Simon go in ep 4. We of course knew he was so wrong, but Wille truly believed Simon doesn't love him anymore. He didn't see all of Simon's yearning, he didn't know Simon wrote him a love song. In Wille's eyes Simon trying to move on with Marcus and as much as it hurt, he finally accepted it. I think this was the most mature decision he's made this season, and I don't know what sort of strength one must have to let the love of his life go- I was lucky enough I never had to do that- I can't even imagine how much it hurt Wille. But he did it out of love and respect to Simon. He felt broken and hopeless too, but I believe Wille's primal reasoning here was that he loves Simon so much he just wants him to be happy, with or without him. Luckily the story didn't continue that way and it literally took Simon minutes to pull Wille back.

This one surprised me. When Simon decides to report August to the police, despite the potential damage it might have on his own and Wille's life, Wille just respects it. He told Simon he was scared, but he didn't try to change his mind. Season 1 Wille would loose his marbles in the same situation. He would probably end up shouting at Simon and calling him selfish (like he did in S1 piano room fight- which I expected). But S2 Wille trusts Simon's judgement and lets him decide for himself. Deep down he knows it's the right thing to do. And another beautiful thing that happened during this scene is Wille taking initiative to comfort Simon and hugging him. He showed Simon he supports his decision and will be there for him, no matter the consequences.

In this beautiful little scene Wille casually turns up at Simon's house to let him know he can give up the throne for him. First of all, he is so calm and collected, and he doesn't even ask for privacy, he lets Ayub and Rosh listen to their conversation- he knows they would find out anyway, but also he's not embarrassed to show his true feelings for Simon in front of his friends (and also I'm glad they were there because they needed to hear it too). But the best thing that Wille does here, after dropping the bombshell on Simon, he just walks away. He allows Simon space and time for the news to sink in and doesn't demand any answers, not even a comment. He really shows how much he starts to empathize with Simon- he must have realised it will hit Simon like a train, but he lets Simon deal with it on his own terms. S1 Wille would be dying to know what Simon thinks and he would not hesitate to ask. S2 Wille just walks away. So mature for a 16 year old.

And the final scene, my beloved. That 'I love you' whispered in his ear in dark Hillerska corridor worked wonders. The courage he's shown to admit it was him was unreal. But also it proves the amount of love he's got for Simon, that he doesn't want him having to compromise and keeping them as secret. He's grown to understand lies and secrets were not getting them anywhere. He was ready to break that circle and finally be true to his own feelings. Such a brave, beautiful moment, I'm so happy and proud he did that. They both deserved this ending, Wille and Simon.

Side note finally, we now know there is this deleted scene when Wille texts Simon at the end of ep 6, when everything is in pieces again and it almost feels like Wilmon is back to square one. As sweet as the scene is, I'm really glad that they didn't include it in the final cut, because it shows that after Sara's betrayal when Simon is ultimately sad, mad, hurt to the point of rejecting Wille, he just gives him much needed space. He doesn't try to run after him, text him, reach out, I think Wille understood that Simon needed the space and time to think things through. And that paid back beautifully. In my head, this scene doesn't exist.

Wille's gone a long way in season 2. His arc is beautifully written and makes me a proud mum 🥲 I can't wait to see him grow even more in next season- I have no doubt he will.

[meraki-yao]

I hope I don't sound rude because that's absolutely not my intention but I think we should really let this whole "deleted scenes" thing go. Nobody ever releases deleted scenes from their films or shows and we have already had a lot on that front but above all Matthew explained to us why he doesn't want to share any more scene and why it was bad for him to already release what we had. It's useless to ask anything else about a film that was made and finished the way they wanted and they needed and if they made those cutting choices it is right to let it go

Hi! Okay, I'm gonna say this.

I understand your point of view, and of course, there's always gonna be a point where it goes from asking to demanding to harassing and that's always going to be toxic, but I'm just gonna try to explain at least why I think we're so fixated on the deleted scenes.

We lost a lot during the strike. And yes we did get some back during the Emmy campaign, but it's not enough to compensate for what we lost during the strike. There's always going to be the feeling of "we didn't get what we should have gotten" when it comes to RWRB, which is why we ask for bonus content.

It's not unusual to release deleted scenes, albeit it was more common in the past than it is now. The original 2012 Avengers movie released over 24 minutes worth of deleted scenes. We got two, and both the script released and people who attended early screenings revealed there were far more, we're curious.

I actually talked to @pippin-katz about this a while ago. The main reason Matthew said that he doesn't want to release the deleted scenes is that he cuts them for a reason, and he doesn't want fans to argue that those should be in the movie. And that's completely reasonable, both Pippin and I agree that the two released deleted scenes, namely the cornetto scene and the campfire scene, should have been deleted for the sake of the flow of the movie. But here's where I disagree with Matthew, even though I don't think he'll understand this perspective unless we collectively point it out to him: the people asking for the deleted scenes are most die-hard fans of the movie such as myself. Critics or casual viewers wouldn't be this persistent. And the thing is, fans aren't asking for the deleted scenes to disagree with him or criticise his choices, we're asking for those because we want to know what happens in between, the full story. The movie is a movie, and a movie has restrictions in its format, but we've gotten to the point where these character feel so real to us, and we want to know their story. I agree with what's cut that we know of, but it's still very nice and satisfying to watch the PR interview and know what the conversation between them last night; to hear Alex say "nothing will ever happen to you" and to know that he's deliberately using Henry's own words from his campfire monologue against him.

Not necessarily disagree with you, just offering a perspective.

[the-masquerade-council]

I'm curious, what best applies to you and your system/collative.

This is for committed relationships of any kind(so yes QPRs do count). If you've never been in a committed relationship but want to be, answer based off of the kind of relationship structure you would like to have. For polyam alters, and collectively polyam systems answer based off what feels most accurate. Also if your system has both out off system relationship(s) and in-system relationship(s), answer based off of the out of system relationship(s).

Here "collectively" is being use to refer to all or almost all of the system. "Some of us" would refer to around 25-75% of the system give or take. Base it off of how many of you there are, it's gonna be different for every system.

Some examples of what various relationship structures would correspond to below*.

In general vote for what's the closest even if it's not a perfect description.

Reblogs would be appreciated if you feel so inclined.

But singlets do not vote on this poll.

*Example one: The host of system A is voting on this poll, they in are a system of 6. Alter 1, 2 ,3, 4, 5, and 6. Alter 1 is dating a singlet. Alter 2 is dating an alter from system B. Alter 4 is dating 2 alters from system B. System A would vote for "Separate beings, some of us are in a relationship with those in another system". Because there are more separate relationship having to do with system members.

*Example two: Collative A is voting on this poll, they have 34 headmates. The many of the headmates are in relationships with various headmates for other systems. There are no more 4 separate relationships between Collative A's headmates and any given system. So they should choose "Separate beings, only one/a few of us is/are with those in another system". Because even though many of them are in relationships, not many of them are with the same system.

*Example three: Person A has parts, they aren't sure how many exactly, but they know they have at lest 8. 7 of the known 8 are in a queerplatonic relationship with a singlet. They would choose "We are parts of a whole, collectively in a relationship with a singlet". Even they have unknown parts, most of the known parts are in a a relationship with a singlet.

*Example four: A person in System C is voting on this poll, System C has 307 know people in it. Around half the people in System C are dating a singlet, some of the remaining people are dating alters from two different systems. They should choose "Separate beings, some of us are in a relationship with a singlet". Because there are more relationships involving the singlet.

But again you should just choose what feels most accurate. We are not you, and we can't say exactly what best describes your specific situation.

P.S sorry I couldn't put "multiple are applicable" and "it's complicated/other" there was no room.

Also if you're an ass on this post. I will delete your reply and block you.

[buckera]

why do you ride so hard for these problematic men? first ryan and his racist anti vax ass and now lou with his ableist trump supporting? you know you can like the characters they play without riding for these grown men right? lou wasn’t hacked. why would he delete that specific instagram post if he was? why would he like his most recent like if he was hacked? why wouldn’t he say he was? you guys just like making up excuses (even ones that make no sense) to give your favs a pass and it’s weird. just admit they are human and fallible and maybe not the best people and that’s okay. you don’t need to stan these men to enjoy their characters.

okay. i'm gonna try to be patient and assume that you're here in good faith, even though I know for a fact, that you're not.

I will also ignore the Ryan thing because what do you mean "first"? I haven't even been in the fandom when that whole thing went down, but I believe in calling out bad behaviour to help people learn to do better, otherwise what's the fucking point? moving on.

so first of all, do not tell me what I should say but especially do not tell me what I should say, when I already said it word for word here:

second of all, I do not ride hard for Lou, in fact I do not ride hard for any of them. what I care about is actors (and the crew and the showrunners cough cough) not being harassed and treated like crap for doing their jobs, which, let's be real fucking honest here, the fandom has a history with, especially when it comes to love interests — as Oliver himself has pointed it out.

do I know what happened? no. do I think there are a lot of suspicious beats around the incident? yes, very much so.

btw no one would even assume hacking, if certain people could just act right. just a few weeks ago, no one could've plausibly make the claim, now however... this is what bullying and harassing and making fake accounts and so on births, this is all on the fandom. if not for that shitty behaviour, this would be much more clean-cut.

if it was him; he deleted it immediately which tells me that he's at least aware of how it reflects on him, if not how and why posting something like that is not okay. we can't be responsible for other people's values, but can only hope for them to always try to do better. and that's just step one.

the thing is, if we as a fandom can collectively ignore other things that have been deleted by other cast members, then instead of making a spectacle out of this, we can all just hope that it's a beginning of a learning curve.

anyway. do not come into my inbox — on anonymous, no less — to try to police what I say on my own blog. I always choose my words very carefully and I never claimed to know exactly what happened and as a rule of thumb, I don't allow myself more than a certain amount of time a day to dwell on these type on things (that time for today is up with this ask, by the way), because I'm in the fandom for fun and when it's no longer fun, I just leave.

but it's my blog and I will post what I think and if you don't like that; no one is forcing you to see it. unfollow and block and have a nice day.

[akakumoeteru]

Just a note.

IDK if this will actually affect anyone here but I wanted to mention it just in case:

Since Twitter is kinda going to shit, I'm trying to shift my MDZS art collection over here. But I have like, almost 3 years worth of doodles and etc. scattered around at this point and it's really unruly to figure out what I've posted already and what I haven't so I'm gonna go through and backdate all my posts to their original Twitter post date to give this blog a slightly more archival quality.

I think this means that new posts won't show up on people's TLs so I'll probably just reblog them so people can see them??? I'll periodically reblog some of my older posts too when I don't have new stuff but yeah. (I'll delete the reblogs at a later point but you can mute the tag "#reblogging cause backdated" if you'd like to avoid them entirely.)

In any case sorry for any spam. U_U