#I'm grappling with this whole thing quite a bit

[i-heart-hxh]

Just for the record, even though I'm remaining somewhat upbeat because of all the context surrounding it and the fact that ultimately it's a rejected ending: I really, really don't like ending D. In fact, I'd say it's exactly how I don't want the series to end. Even if Togashi does pass away before finishing the series, on a personal level I reject this ending.

Not just because of Gon and Killua not being together (though unsurprisingly that's a big factor for me), but also because I really don't like the idea of Gon having a family and then leaving them behind, similar to Ging. To me, it runs counter to who he is as a character and counter to the message and meaning of the series, and it wouldn't surprise me if this is part of why Togashi rejected it. One could argue the thing about the granddaughter not wanting to leave the island shows the real meaning and blah blah but to me that doesn't matter, I just really don't like it as an outcome for the characters, and I'm far from thrilled that now this is the "backup ending" while also being something Togashi rejected.

But, similar to what I said in another post, I also suspect this is the only "ending" Togashi reasonably could share without revealing anything spoilery or that he might use later. It's isolated from the plot, it's not long, it might give some people out there some kind of closure I guess. If he wants to give people something that fits a whole list of complex criteria (isolated/no spoilers/no including elements he's still considering/not long), it's a delicate balancing act and it likely whittled down to this previous idea being what he could share. And again, we don't know when he rejected it, what his reasons for that were, how seriously or lightly he took it, or even what his opinion is of this ending. It makes me sad it was considered at all, because it runs so against what I personally want from the series, but it's not like he's going to list out every (or any) plot point he's planning on using either.

I don't even mean this as a knock on Togashi, clearly it was rejected for a reason, and clearly this isn't how Togashi wants to end the series if he's able to make it happen otherwise. I am disappointed that this was considered at some point, but I'm still excited to know what he hasn't revealed.

I'm doing my best to keep a reasonably balanced view on this whole situation because it's not all bad, it really isn't, I'm glad that Togashi is still working on the series as best as he can, and I just deeply hope we'll get to see what direction he actually wants to take the series in.

[mmani-e]

Hello! After all this effort, behold:

DANGANRONPA DEMIX, THH EDITION!

Dr Demix 2

Finally got the talentswap designs I have for the THH characters one and done with! You can click through the read more section for some fun design insights. I'm intending on uploading a doc containing short lore bits about them eventually.

Kyoko Kirigiri - Ultimate Affluent Progeny

So Kyoko's design was both kinda simple, kinda not, wanted to give her a very fine and regal kinda attitude to her but not arrogant as that's very much Byakuya's thing. Her story is that she loves her dad more than the family business and her grandpa so she abandons detective work and just uses her brain to help her dad out.

Makoto Naegi - Ultimate Novelist

Makoto is a wonderful guy, just great all around. He loves writing children's books and happy stories. This is his main coping mechanism so he doesn't have to process any negative emotions he gets, the rest he can't process… well they go into a murderous psychopath alter.

Aoi Asahina - Ultimate Lucky Student

Shoujo protagonist Aoi. Cute, headstrong, affective, competitive, these are all the traits that make her fight for her friends and clash with Kyoko (and more often than not Byakuya) in the killing game, even when all hope seems lost… she pushes through, unafraid to let tears spill from her eyes for all those lost, but pushing all the same.

Byakuya Togami - Ultimate Detective

This one, I wanna go into more lore territory, cause I kinda memed around his last desc I gave him so here goes:

"A disgraced heir of the Togami household, Byakuya lost the competition that would've secured his riches. Disdainful and bitter, he sought out to get to the bottom of why he lost, uncovering a rabbit hole in the process. By the end, he proved his sibling a cheater, but it didn't matter because by the end as he found the sweet satisfaction of uncovering secrets and crushing liars and cheaters under the weight of their hubris far more satisfying than any inheritance."

Sayaka Maizono - Ultimate Spirit Medium

So Sayaka isn't a clairvoyant at all like Yasuhiro, in fact her entire skillset is completely different, first of all she is like an actual psychic, and I based her design off of the japanese Itako, quite loosely. Very interesting group, look it up, also she'll never use these powers in the killing game because I dunno how to even approach these rituals or what they look like or how to write them while remaining respectful, so she won't do it in a killing game for the express reason of her not having the right tools available and not wanting to disrespect her traditions.

Leon Kuwata - Ultimate Swimmer

I really wanna draw him again, all these characters again tbh, and I wanna show off the patterns on his wetsuit. It's a whole coral reef under there, that anemone and clownfish bit is only one part of a whole reef stretching his midline.

Sakura Ogami - Ultimate Programmer

Sakura has installed chips into her body to help optimize her body processes and also cause why not. As for the muscles, she's an Assembly programmer, the programs she's made can run on calculators she loves it.

Chihiro Fujisaki - Ultimate Martial Artist

Chihiro's design here with the two belts is an explicit nod to his preferred martial art - Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, so unlike Sakura in canon who'd be easy to imagine cracking someone's skull in half with a chop, Chihiro's approach is more crawling onto someone and bringing them down to the floor with grappling like an angry halfling monk. As for the belts themselves, on his head is his final junior belt, while around his waist is his current belt, he's not a black belt yet because he's still too young for it.

Celestia Ludenberg - Ultimate Baseball Star

Celestia actually isn't a legend in this AU, Taeko is. Celestia hates that and wants to start a baseball career going international, whatever the hell that means is up to her own definition, but she wants to be remembered forever as Celestia, not Taeko. Also extra sentence, but this is the SINGLE hardest design I've ever had to deal with here, I think in the future I'll be drawing all her little accessories and I have an alt costume for her I have in mind.

Hifumi Yamada - Ultimate Pop Star

So I changed Hifumi's story as I originally outlined in the OG post with him. He was friends with Aoi all his life, pretty much his only friend at all, and ever since he was little he had an obsession with writing songs, because he was obsessed with stuff like anime openings and was content to just keep the songs to himself. It wasn't till Aoi convinced him to share some of his songs that he started his journey to success, but bc he's not traditionally attractive, his first hits were literally just… his voice being played over other more attractive singers and it wasn't until very very recently that he even performed a song of his for the first time.

Toko Fukawa - Ultimate Fanfic Writer

So while Hifumi was clearly a Doujinshi but due to weird translation, ended up as fanfic creator, Touko is straight up a FF then Wattpad then AO3 girl, who would get obsessed with this really shitty, tripe manga that she didn't even like reading. It did however have super hot dudes in it, so she wrote good stories of those characters when she got frustrated with the actual authorial content - which was always.

Yasuhiro Hagakure - Ultimate Gambler

Quite LITERALLY the never stop gambling meme personified into a guy. He can lose 3 mil on slot machines but always comes out fine because it means if he keeps gambling he'll eventually run into his 1/3 and win giga millions, what he needs to pay off his debts. It isn't just with luck though either because his personality and lack of intelligence or understanding of most the rules of the games he plays means he'll never react the way he should when getting a good hand in poker or a bad draw in blackjack, so he wins those games almost always through just… stupidity.

Mukuro Ikusaba - Ultimate Biker

She's number 16 in her gang, and is easily the most loyal enforcer and taskman of the gang. She does anything she's told, to a grim and disciplined degree not typical for hooligan bike gangers, she doesn't really desire a seat as top dog of the gang though, after all she's got school to worry about, and her sister.

Mondo Owada - Ultimate Warlord

So his relationship and Kiyotaka's is gonna be interesting, because I don't want him to be exactly like Mukuro at all, who was just sort of an all-obsessed Yandere. It's more like he's always chafing under Taka, who is less than friendly with him in this AU, really the main way he even lets Taka boss him around is because he pays incredibly well and helps keep his gang members from devolving back into the unstructured, chaotic criminal life, the same that took his brother years ago.

Oh and yeah, he still looks like Guile, as he should.

Sparkling Justice - Ultimate Killer Killer

Yeah it's a reference to Killer Killer, sue me I love the manga. He has Hajirahara's ahoge, and I thought it'd be cute to also give him a mask just like the other Makoto from a Kodaka game series (Raincode.) Also, while Genocide jack stuffs all her scissors in her skirt, Makoto keeps a truth gun with "truth bullets" as his main weapon, the gun he stores inside the big book in the chibi of just Makoto, and the bullets kept on his person as the red buttons all over his body, which he pulls out when he needs to reload.

"Kiyotaka Ishimaru" - Ultimate Fashionista

Unlike Mukuro and Junko, Mondo absolutely cannot hide the fact that he acts nothing like Kiyotaka, though this is surprisingly fine to everyone else, because unlike Junko who plastered herself onto literally everything, Mondo always obfuscated himself from the public spotlight, at most showing only his suits while he hid his face behind something conveniently placed. Which played primarily to his vision of an ultimate fashionista, who was above everyone and catered to the rich and powerful.

Junko Enoshima - Ultimate Moral Compass

This was a fun one, I decided to let her have her red hair because I believe it to be the "natural" look of her hair, while attaching little clips of dyed hair to her buns as a replacement to keep her shape sorta and keep the strawberry blonde somwehere on her. Understand that while she is the "moral compass" she is still pretty deranged, and the only reason she focuses so much on keeping everyone on their best behavior is because it's endlessly entertaining to her to make her fellow moral committee members upset when she blatantly makes a mockery of the rules while still keeping kids on their best behavior to make a point.

Kiyotaka Ishimaru - Ultimate Fashionista and Tyrant, the Iron Hand of Despair

Taka's design I wanted to sort of focus on this sort of, holier-than-thou idea, where I wanted to make him look a lot fancier and upper-class than Junko does in his standard highschool fit compared to him. I wanted him to have an upper-crust sort of look

If you're reading this after reading this all, thanks! You're a wonderful person :) Signing off...

Mani

[italiansteebie]

something you'd never expect about steve harrington is that he loves halloween.

i mean, he really gets into it.

he dresses up, decorates the house, hands out candy and even goes trick or treating with the kids as an excuse. "i'm keeping an eye on you guys!"

"you didn't have to dress up though,"

"yes i did, dustin. you don't know everything."

even after the upside down bullshit, he still loves it, and maybe he kept his scoops uniform with blood and barf stains so he could use it as a costume. and maybe that was kind of fucked, but he's coping with it.

now, steve's love for halloween is one of robins favorite things about him. especially since his house is equipped for an exceptional party, what with the size and the decorations steve is going to put up anyways? it's perfect.

so the halloween after scoops, they throw a masquerade of sorts. it's quite a rager, despite steve's expectations.

he decided to go as a masked cowboy.

he got the boots, the hat, and he wore a leather vest that ended up giving him a chill for the night since other than some chaps, it was all he was wearing on his body. he did the whole nine yards with a red bandana and some sunglasses.

"hey cowboy."

steve turned, taking in the sight in-front of him.

a guy, with long curly hair, somehow making a jason voorhees costume work.

he tipped his hat, always committed to the bit, "jason." he said simply, thanking the bandana gods for hiding his blush.

"never woulda thought king steve would throw a party like this."

"why not?"

"i dunno. it's cool though, guy seems to have changed."

"for the better?"

jason tilted his head, "yeah man. for the better." he said it as though the decision had been made, and locked in place.

so they sat.

and talked.

all night.

and the rest of the party seemed to fade away. that is until a drunk robin, dressed as micheal myers laid across his lap, "kick everyone out, im tired."

he checked his watch, it was 4 am, probably about time for them to go home. so he stood, gearing up to say his farewell to jason, maybe ask him for his number, but when he turned again, he was gone. only the smell of weed and cheap cologne remained. (and later, he'd find, a lone 36 sided die, that he'd end up asking dustin about).

it's silly to think that steve was falling in love with this guy after only just meeting him, but he'd grappled with his sexuality on a bathroom floor, appropriately, and was ready to dive back into the dating pool. or maybe the puddle, because halloween jason, seemed to be the one.

the only thing is, steve has no idea who the guy is.

that is at least until, none other than eddie munson had a broke bottle pressed against his neck. now he didn't figure it out in that moment, but when they were fleeing for their lives, eddie's hand found a way into steve's, and back at eddie's trailer, steve caught a glimpse of none other than the jason voorhees mask he'd been searching for ever since that party.

and maybe it was a sappy declaration of love, but steve was nothing if not a hopeless romantic.

"don't be heroes."

it was pleading.

steve tossed the dice eddie's way, watching fondly as he struggled to catch it.

"steve- wh?" he could see the moment it clicked in eddie's eyes. steve turned, ready to finish this mess, so he could talk to eddie, to jason, and figure out some shit.

"hey, steve?"

he turned, meeting eddie's eyes.

"make him pay, cowboy."

--

it was done.

they did it.

a few were in the hospital but, hey. they did it. eddie had been in a rough way for a little while, eventually pulling through but not before some physical therapy.

steve was there when he woke up.

had been ever since he'd explained to eddie's uncle wayne how they knew each other and what eddie meant to steve.

eddie cracked open his eyes.

"howdy, cowboy." it came out scratched, and rough.

"eddie," steve breathed, grasping his hand.

"i knew i liked those chaps."

steve rolled his eyes, smiling while tears rolled down his cheeks. "you saved my life." eddie said, reaching a hand to steve's cheek. steve shook his head, "how can i ever repay you?" eddie said, a glint in his eye.

steve laughed, "no thanks necessary," he said, tipping his imaginary hat, leaning into eddie's touch. "there must be someway," he said, southern drawl creeping into his voice. "how about a kiss?" steve asked, eyes flickering down to the metal heads lips.

wayne shook his head at the boys' antics. "will y'all just kiss already? im getting old waitin' for ya!"

eddie laughed at his uncle's testimony, before nodding, "c'mere, cowboy," he said, before closing the gap between him and steve.

"was it rootin' n tootin'?" eddie asked, a cheesy grin on his face as he pulled away. "sure was, partner."

"oh my god."

"hey robs,"

"steve, shut up. eddie's jason! jason from-" robin stumbled into the room. "from the party!" she all but squealed. steve laughed, nodding, "yeah, babe. we figured that one out ourselves."

[cosmicroadkill]

So after obsessing over Arachnis Prime and reading @sonicasura's bat Optimus idea I just was really, really digging it and was inspired to make my own AU similar to it

So basically in this AU both Optimus and Elita fall back into the cavern; Elita's power times out like in canon but Optimus manages to catch her as she's falling. The issue is all that does is put too much sudden weight and tension on his grappling hook causing it to pull out of the rock and send them both tumbling down. The explosion separates the two of them, sending Optimus even deeper in. While Elita becomes Blackarachnia as she does in canon, during and after her change she's looking for Optimus to see if he survived, eventually finding him in a terrible state. He'd run into the cavern's other denizens, massive vampiric and carnivorous bats. He managed to fight off and kill a few but not without serious damage, bordering on death.

In a bid to save him, but also for the selfish reason of not wanting to be a freak alone, she makes him a techno-organic like herself. From there, Optimus lives up to his name for the first little while, practicing with his new alt and eventually managing to fly out of the cavern to watch for any Autobot ships, believing Sentinal will surely come back with or at least send help since he didn't come back for them originally, eventually realizing that Blackarachnia is right, no one is coming.

Well, no Autobots at least. The two get picked up by the Decepticons, Optimus being very much not about the idea but following Blackarachnia almost blindly as he still sees Elita-1 in her and basically owes her his life.

From there it's kind of all over. For a good bit he kinda just follows her around like a puppy and follows her commands; after all initially the idea is for them to return to how they once were, but eventually, Optimus will realize that Blackarachnia is no longer his beloved friend and something will happen to cause him to finally turn on her and split off into his own thing, of what I'm not sure; honestly, it'll more than likely be a build-up of things instead of one big thing.

There's also the debate of how Optimus deals with the Decepticons and basically being one for a while. On the one hand, I like sonicasura's idea of him just being a victim of circumstance. He's not a Decepticon, or in this case, he's only a Decepticon in name, he's just a man who's trying to deal with his current situation the best he can while sticking to his morals and general worldview.

On the other hand, I like the idea of Optimus realizing the flaws and downright failings of Autobot society and becoming a Decepticon for real. He doesn't agree with their morals and what they do a lot of the time, but the ideals Megatron puts forth? He can get behind those, especially since he and Elita were failed by the system they followed so doggedly while Sentinal abandoned them (as far as he's aware) and potentially still gets 'rewarded' (given the rank of Prime and his own team; Optimus would not know he's delegated to bridge repair until later if at all)

More than likely he might fall into a third option of neither, where he abandons the Decepticons like Blackarachnia does but refuses to rejoin the Autobots because of the whole debacle, likely hiding away with the Dinobots on their island.

Also as you've likely noticed I haven't quite come up with Optimus' new name? I'm partial to Chiropteras, as Chiroptera is the order bats are from. I considered going with Optimus Primal since Blackarachnia is also from Beast Wars and a lot of people used/use Tarantulas for spider Optimus before Arachnus Prime was revealed, but my biggest thing is in TFA Prime isn't technically anything special, it's just a rank, so why would he still be Prime or even make it Primal? Unless he's giving himself the rank because he feels he deserves it/is bastardizing it for his own use. I could also potentially use the name of another bat transformer in the way that Tarantulas is the name of a Predacon from Beast Wars but none of them really fit? Cause there's Nightscream, Sonar, and Nyx (and technically Noctorro but he's a bat and a bull). I could use Nocturne or Nocturnus, too.

Lemme know what y'all think?

[lillified]

Oh!! Btw! I'm a drag artist and I'm doing a drag cosplay of starscream for pride and tfnation 2023 and sometimes when I question if the look is too fem or cutesy shaped, I think about your starscream and I remind myself that I'm serving cunt actually. Thank you for your service

hi!! I absolutely love both of the asks you sent but I hope you don’t mind me responding to this one with a little bit of personal musing—specifically about Starscream and femininity, lol. (long post warning!!)

I cannot stress enough how generally positive and supportive reception to my changes has been, especially in the case of Starscream—that being said, I do think about the occasional pushback I get every so often, and how it feeds into why I make the choices I do

starscream has always been a feminine character, which I think is part of why a lot of people are drawn to it in the first place—even talking to older fans, who grew up with the original show, there seems to be this implicit understanding that Starscream is something “other” (“pretty poison” as a beta name should tell you quite a bit). this is something that has remained relatively consistent in the entirety of transformers—albeit in, I’d argue, the worst way possible.

there are a lot of character decisions I dislike on a thematic level that vary across continuity, but one extremely reliable element of any Starscream is the way femininity defines their villainy. you’re never supposed to like the “feminine” traits. they’re played for jokes and comically exaggerated at best; at worst, any and all Starscream redemption arcs are completely dependent on grappling with emasculation, and shedding the feminine. Even in continuities where other characters (a whole other ballpark) are murderous, abusive, and violent, Starscream is canonically regarded as morally lesser, specifically because their villainy manifests in the feminine. masculine, “active” displays of malice are more noble and admirable than the “passive” and “feminine” act of quiet scheming and deception.

I’m not saying that Starscream doesn’t do bad things, obviously, but this is such a constant theme that it has thoroughly leeched its way into fan spaces as well. I’m not really active in fan communities anymore, but I will always feel frustrated with how the character’s femininity is simultaneously misunderstood and exploited, because that is the natural reaction to femininity. it is inoffensive and clean and neat, and it fits into one of very few digestible archetypes, because it is not perceived as a natural form of expression, but an other. it is only allowed when it is attractive and easy to understand.

this is something that extends to women, as, obviously, in a performative binary womanhood is a shorthand for femininity. “woman” is an other, and feminine women exist in palatable, digestible archetypes. even with all the progress we have made it is really not common to see women or feminine characters in general treated with equal respect or interest, and, the more you pay attention, the more you’ll notice a total apathy for their feelings, struggles, and complexity.

I know this is all really dense, but I bring that all up to say that there is a reason I want to spotlight and elaborate on Starscream’s femininity. it’s a trait that is inherent to the character, but I’d argue that there hasn’t ever really been a moment where that femininity ever manifests as something positive. it’s a derogatory label, but never something the character owns.

I want to see a Starscream that is confidently feminine and “cutesy” because the character has never been afforded that luxury! moreover, I want to portray a fully femme Starscream because there is no reason that should change the character’s complexity or their queer association! (I once saw the argument that making Starscream a girl would be “erasing the character’s queer history” and that kind of sums up the casual effect of misogyny in these weird online spaces, lol. granted that doesn’t mean you can’t project or imagine any gender identity you want for the character—I think that’s very good, actually!!) even though I have never personally been a feminine person, I’ve always been really attached to Starscream’s femininity and the idea of a femme-presenting version because there was a sorely lacking character type I desperately wanted to see—a messy, bitter, and by all means “evil” person who was also feminine, without those things being linked via cause and effect. I hope that makes sense?? essentially, a very feminine girl whose femininity wasn’t the implicit or explicit cause of their moral failings, and was instead treated as. yknow, a neutral mode of expression

anyway, I am very sorry for saying so many words about something pretty trivial here. if you couldn’t tell transformers was the thing that first got me thinking about gender and themes and media critique as a child, so i have feelings like this, lol. none of the problems I listed here are ultimately all that serious and they certainly aren’t exclusive to the robots, but it’s something I really wanted to talk about!

TL;DR: Starscream’s gender is what you make of it and i think you shouldnt stop yourself because it is accurate to the character, actually! I hope that I can encourage people to think outside the box of what rigidly exists in writing and expand their horizons to what the art is trying to say, and how your experience is important :)

sorry again for the long post jeez!!

[elliegoose]

Big mental health/life post, because i really wanna put this stuff down on the page and could use the feeling of being heard right about now.

in the summer because of some unfortunate stuff i moved halfway across the country to live with my parents. then some other stuff happened that ended up incidentally triggering some really extreme bipolar episodes--that's why i was in the psych ward a couple months ago and also why i took an unannounced hiatus from this blog for most of october--and ever since then i've been just... struggling kind of a lot.

i feel disconnected from my art, my sexuality, cooking, music, and most things that have been important to me. i don't feel the sense of home that i used to have out in texas. i'm anxious and down most of the time. i feel especially disconnected from the kink communities that used to be kind of the center of my online social life. this has been a particularly difficult emotional blow to endure and a particularly large reason why i've felt so awful.

in the past month, i've developed an inexplicable social anxiety that's horrible to deal with as someone who's normally very outgoing and who used to find socializing very easy. now, though, i'm often just filled with self-doubt and panic while trying to socialize with people, which is making it incredibly difficult to keep building the new friendships i've started to foster out here in my new city.

i'm just doing the best i can every day, attending my IOP program, applying the skills i've been learning there as diligently as possible, keeping up with my hobbies (for as disconnected as i feel from art i'm still doing quite a bit of it, and picking up the banjo has done so much to sustain what little of my mental health i still have), getting out into nature, going to a lot of fun events (drag shows, happy hours, full moon rituals, ttrpg/boardgame nights, furry meetups, folk musician meetups, etc.) and hanging out with the folks i meet there as often as i'm able even despite all my newfound social anxiety, but even with all that i'm just... persistently in emotional pain that i don't know how to effectively alleviate.

i know part of it is that i'm out of work, and i know having a job will give my life more structure, but i also know that's not the whole of what's happening here. i've been out of work before and it's not affected me this badly. it's also that i'm lonely, deeply unsure of myself after making some unwise decisions and having to face so many of my flaws, grappling with my disproportionate senses of shame, anxiety, and responsibility, yearning for more purpose and autonomy than i currently have, wanting to feel like i'm contributing to something larger than myself, and anxious after going through so much chaos and repeated disruption and loss.

i'm glad my IOP demands sobriety because it's been a struggle to not use alcohol as a crutch.

fucking... life. it's been a goddamn year for sure.

[tanadrin]

The idea of national guilt for the holocaust (and subsequently the idea that we owe a debt to Israel as the international-politics-inheritor of the Jewish victims thereof) is really extremely prevalent here in culture and media. I mean the entire Bundestag, including the Linke and the AfD, voted unanimously in support of a resolution supporting Israel. I believe one hundred percent that the political leadership doesn't want to give that up. It's one of the primary aspects of German national identity these days, I think, like it's the greatest factor for national unity we have (which sucks, tbc, I'm quite aware of that). I do think they have like real concerns that publically doing away with that will lead to growing support for the far-right and anti-semitism. Whether it's realistic is a different question, and one I can't answer.

I also think it's a worry that if we don't stay "true" to our post-war commitments it'll be a foreign policy disaster? Like most of the political leadership grew up during the occupation-light of 1949-1994-ish. Every year there's some shit where the country votes some way or another in the EU and everyone internationally is like "they're becoming nazis again. we should hav bombed them harder. They're still the same, we have to watch that they don't start another war", and that's civilians as well as politicians. There's a certain anxiety there that you might actually convince your allies to abandon you or even turn on you. Like that's weaker than the national culture bit but it's not fully absent.

i don't worry about people making tasteless ww2 jokes about germany, what i worry about is that germany has decided to process its "guilt" for the holocaust in the shallowest, most performative way, in the way that costs it the least in terms of energy or effort or thought.

germany claims to take the holocaust seriously, but really taking it seriously would require more than just supporting israel in the UN. it would require grappling with, say, the genocide of the herero in german southwest africa. vigorously opposing aggressive war and genocide when they happen elsewhere in the world. actually standing up for the rights of, and accepting refugees, especially when other countries don't want to take them. you know, the things that were supposed to be the whole world's post-ww2 commitments, but which have fallen by the wayside more and more every year since.

but all that is hard. in reality it costs germany very little to support israel. it's a very easy way to show that you're not like your nazi grandfather or w/e. it's much harder to take the lessons of history and try to generalize.

[yepthatsacowalright]

Doctor Who, The Process Of Healing From Trauma, and Me: A Text Post Essay No One Asked For

Back in 2006ish, when I first started watching Doctor Who as a teenager in late high school/early college, it captivated me mind, body, and soul. I ate that early 2000s, broody-complex-hero shit up.

I loved that the Doctor grappled with the guilt and regret from some truly fucked up shit he did, and I loved that he gave the middle finger to it by going on wild, ridiculous-special-effects-ed adventures instead of attempting the mortifying ordeal of opening up about it.

I'm sure, judging by how popular the 2005 version of the show became, a lot of my generation felt similar. 9/11 hadn’t been that long ago. We were coming of age and starting to sense that the world kind of sucked major ass, and perhaps the older generations had been super lying to us about most things this whole time.

As such, Rose Tyler was living the dream as far as I was concerned. Abandoning her place in this bullshit society to go help people and save lives with someone who never settled, who always ran towards the darkness, who found ways to laugh and dance in it even…Rose's lifestyle was goals.

Not only did the Ninth and Tenth Doctor's struggle to opening up about what they'd been through or forgive themselves for it not bother teen me at all, I preferred it. It was understandable and relatable. I wasn't ready to actually look at and deal with any of my own problems either, I just didn't want to pretend like I had none. Admitting there's a problem is the first step, and that's where Nine, Ten, Rose, and me all hung out and had fun.

Rose’s "death" was when I started to feel differently. It wasn't that I didn't still enjoy the show - I kept watching through Martha and Donna's seasons, and also a little bit into Eleven's run - but it wasn't the same. I could never quite get over the loss of Rose, or how the Doctor chose to get over it by doing what he always did - ignore and repress.

It had been much easier to watch the Doctor do this with trauma when I didn't know much about what he'd been through, but every time he avoided the topic of Rose, or minimized who she was, it pissed me off. It felt bad to watch him do that to the memory of someone who mattered.

I was starting to realize that just admitting you had problems wasn't sustainable. I couldn't stay on that first step indefinitely, and Doctor Who didn't feel like it was my show anymore, which was fine. After all, it's a family-friendly series. An episode on intergalactic talk therapy is not going to be a hit with the kids.

I was off to have the one adventure the Doctor never could - to understand and manage my own mental health. Learning about psychology, learning about trauma, going to therapy. I processed, I surprised myself, I found new stories to obsess over that resonated with a different, older version of me.

Whenever I popped back into Doctor Who, it felt more nostalgic than anything else. It reminded me of how I used to feel, and how far I'd come. I had that bittersweet feeling of wishing I could connect with it the way I used to, but being grateful that the reason I couldn't was a positive, therapeutic one.

And then…the 60th Anniversary Specials.

David Tennant didn’t even do anything that different in his performance, and he admits as much in interviews. Trying to replicate what he did as the Tenth wouldn't make sense because he isn't the Tenth, and trying to do something completely new wouldn't make sense because then why bring back David at all?

He just played the role as an actor who's lived 10 more years since the last time he played the role, and brother that shit hit me hard.

All the natural, subtle, perhaps subconscious changes in him made me feel the weight of slightly too many years passing. Despite knowing I am relatively young, l’m at a point in my life where I, for the first time, feel old.

Gray hairs and smile lines that were only on the faces of grownups are now on the faces of me and my friends. I know I don't know it all, and also realize I know even less than I thought I did. Love feels deeper, loss feels heavier. I'm compelled to express feelings of gratitude and affection I used to always keep to myself. Oh, is that who I am now?

I love that the Doctor's body didn't just go back to Ten's face, but to an aged version of Ten's face. A version that would align with the aged version of Donna's. I know this was not a creative choice, it was literally just what David and Catherine look like now, but how perfect for time itself to play a role in the story, too.

I love that the Doctor, at last, had to catch up with what his body was telling him. To notice his feelings and learn what those feelings meant. Like the title of one of my favorite (and extremely relevant to this this post) books says, the body keeps the score.

And I loved the bi-generation.

I loved that Fourteen made the choice to stop and ask his friends to help him do it.

I know that RTD proposed a theory that in that moment all the previous regenerations became bi-generations as well, but I like the idea that all the others could have bi-generated, but didn't. They weren't ready to look at themselves, or ask for that help from anyone. Not until now.

And I love love LOVE Ncuti Gatwa as Fifteen. I love that the healed next Doctor is a millennial. That he is a Doctor who can freely say he loved his friends, he loved Rose, can tell his former self, "I love you."

The show's become such a beautiful portrayal of generational trauma and healing that did not know that's what it was until its end.

And now, it begins again.

[itsclydebitches]

Obviously Nina and Maggie are meant to parallel Crowley and Aziraphale. I don't even need to argue that because Nina outright says it: Crowley is the "hard-bitten one" (like her) and Aziraphale is the "soft one" (like Maggie) who are facing similar relationship stumbling blocks. Just to hammer it home, they're both queer couples with Nina calling Maggie "angel" as a pet name.

I'll come back to that parallel in just a moment. First, I've seen some great meta regarding their justified anger at being paired up for celestial "amusement" and how that reflects the lack of agency humans have in Heaven and Hell's endless attempts to start Armageddon; something that Aziraphale, specifically, may be able to change. (Which, you know, highlights the nuance of this decision. Can he totally fix the broken system from within like he believes? No. Can he, like Gabriel, keep the hosts of Heaven from decimating Earth in the immediate future? Quite possibly.) Nina and Maggie are absolutely right and have every reason to be angry, however, they are missing the context that Crowley and Aziraphale didn't try to pair them up for the hell of it—though it's perfectly understandable why it would come across that way. How are they supposed to learn and understand the intricacies of this plot, especially when Crowley is literally shooing them out the door and telling them to forget everything? Regardless, the audience knows the full story and thus we can see how their subplot mirrors Aziraphale's love for Crowley, beyond the obvious, textual parallel.

Because why is he pairing them up? To keep Crowley safe. Himself too, but the dual nature of that motivation—what helps you automatically helps me and vice versa because we're in this together—just highlights how Aziraphale is approaching the "us" here. He pulled Crowley into the Gabriel debacle because he a) recognized that helping him was the right thing to do and b) knew he needed his partner to succeed. Sure, we could blame Aizraphale for setting it all in motion, but even without knowing that hiding Gabriel was helping to stave off the next Armageddon, Crowley recognizes that Aizraphale was right to help someone, even a someone who told his best friend to shut up and die already. He has a whole (hilarious) apology dance about it. So they're doing this together, as they should. They commit to hiding Gabriel together. They cast the miracle together. They tell lies to their bosses together. All of which ultimately leads to the subterfuge of, "That celestial energy? Just helping two humans fall in love! Oh shit, now we've actually got to accomplish that..." They mess around in Nina and Maggie's lives to try and keep their own loved one safe. Their love is a direct byproduct of Aizraphale and Crowley's.

Of course, they still have every right to be angry about that manipulation, regardless of the fact that it's leading to something they both want and is for the "greater good." However, I think it's crucial that we didn't get a scene that said, "You were wrong to mess around in our lives! ... but we're so glad you did because we're totally in love now and everything's perfect 😊." Maggie and Nina aren't together at the end of the season. They, like Crowley and Aziraphale, care for one another deeply but aren't yet in a place to make that love explicitly romantic. Here, we get a bit of a reversal where the Crowley equivalent—Nina—is the one who needs time and the Aziraphale equivalent—Maggie—is the most verbally devoted, prepared to wait for however long it takes, kinda like how Crowley has waited 6,000+ years.

Nina: I can't start seeing Maggie! When I'm ready, I hope she'll be there, but there isn't any guarantee. Maggie: There is. Nina: You're not helping, angel.

Both Nina and Aziraphale are, at their core, grappling with abuse. For Nina it's the abuse of a romantic partner. For Aziraphale it's the abuse of an institution. The difference is that Nina has gotten out, notably by having her partner dump her. We see throughout the season that Nina cannot let her go, despite knowing that they're bad for each other and despite others telling her as much. She's too deep in the relationship and shows no signs of getting out on her own, even when an objectively better option (Maggie) is right there, begging her to take that step. Nina needed to get dumped in order to achieve that growth. Aziraphale, in VERY sharp contrast, is roped back in by his abusers. Whereas Nina is granted harsh freedom in the form of a key under the mat, Aizraphale is coaxed further into the relationship he likewise isn't prepared to leave, offered what appears on the surface to be a way to fix everything he cares for. Do we think that if Nina's partner had instead texted something optimistic, complimentary, and full of the promise of change that Nina would have listened to her Crowley equivalent here (Maggie) and confidently cut her off? I don't. I think she would have gone straight back to what's familiar, convincing herself that this time will be different. Because that's how abuse works.

From the audience's perspective, Nina and Maggie's conversation is a warning to Crowley, though one he's not yet equipped to understand (as evidence by him doing the opposite of all their advice with Aziraphale). They say, "You powerful beings manipulate us too casually" and Crowley doesn't get how desperate Aziraphale is to fix that as archangel. They say, "I needed to be forcibly freed from my abuser before I could even consider someone I truly love" and Crowley doesn't see how Aziraphale is not just still under his own abuser's thumb, but is getting pulled further in. They say, "Even now that I've seen how much better things can be I'm not ready. It doesn't matter if I love her. It doesn't matter if I'm free. I need time to recover before I can move on to the next step" and Crowley doesn't get that at all, instead kissing Aziraphale rather than continuing to wait like Maggie. That kiss was hard for me to watch because it's abundantly clear how uncomfortable Aziraphale is. He doesn't kiss back. His hands are spasming rather than holding Crowley close. "I forgive you." That's not because he doesn't love Crowley, it's because he's not ready. Nina would have reacted the same way if Maggie had kissed her in the immediate aftermath of escaping her abuse and Aziraphale isn't in the aftermath of his. He's deeper than he's been since the start of the show.

The more I think about it, the more clear it is to me how their relationship and that final conversation was a blueprint for what was about to come. They're in a much better place than Crowley and Aziraphale are. Nina is free of her abuser. No one needed to explain that they had romantic feelings for one another. Crowley, meanwhile, "doesn't understand" until seconds before Aziraphale walks back through the door. No one is trying to keep them apart with the fate of the universe hanging in the background. Yet despite all this, Nina still says, "I'm in no way ready" and Maggie responds, "I understand. I'll wait."

Crowley couldn't wait anymore. Which is understandable and, tragically, is actually part of the solution. One of the things they need to do is talk about what they're "really feeling," so he does that. But unlike Nina, Aizraphale is still in his own abusive relationship and unlike Maggie, Crowley takes the truth too far, kissing him before he was equipped to accept that. Of course the season had to end the way it did. It's not just in character for them both, it validates the OTHER characters functioning as their parallels.

[elwolfen]

Alfred Molinathon Day 1:

Species (1995)

Dr. Stephen Arden

His Role: His character doesn't have too much to do until near the end of the movie. During the containment lab scene, I just thought that he reminded me of some kid in the back of a classroom who sometimes chimes into the conversation or scene of the main characters. I don't know why.

Also, when the cast is waiting for Sil to arrive back to the club, him thinking it's a waste of time and decides to just opt out and sleep in the van is very relatable to me. That's what I do half the time at boring events.

When it is his time to shine, we get to see some of his personality, which is that he can be quite fun! Him hanging out with the other guys was really fun to see, I really enjoyed when him and Dan shared time together, I really wish we got more of the two! Although iffy on the whole letting Dan think long island iced tea was just tea and him not feeling good afterwards.

(This is a funny picture)

Arden shooting his shot with those two ladies was hilarious. He tried, but he didn't even properly ask if they had dates or not.

And the final scene with him... he really just bought what Sil (not knowing it's her) said? Like even if I was very horny and lonely, I would still be really freaked out if someone broke into my room because they were interested in me. Just saying. I was also really afraid I was gonna finally see someone's dick in those movie and it was gonna be his, but thankfully not (I don't like see anyone's penis, no thank)... but there is dick, we'll get back to that.

So he successfully knocks up Sil (not intentionally on his part) and gets killed. Which I already knew was gonna happen, I haven't watched this movie before, but I knew the general plot and that he died. I didn't enjoy the fact that his death only gets brought up once by Laura asking "Did you see him?" Like that's it. Nothing from Dan, I want to see him devastated! He's an empath!!!

I also thought it would have been more interesting if he was alive (not just because I wanna see more of Molina), just him grappling with the fact that he unintentionally help Sil with her goal and the other fact that he has a alien/human hybrid son! It would have been funny if someone said, "Your son tried to kill me, Arden!" Maybe him having mixed feelings that his son had to be killed or maybe this made-up version the son wouldn't be dead. I don't know!

Anyways, this character had more potential, but I enjoyed his last few scenes. Especially his bromance time with Dan.

Last thing: I was very envious of his hair. Give it to me, please.

~~~

The Rest of the Movie: I didn't expect to really enjoy this movie, but I did and I'm glad. I heavily judged it solely on Sil's alien form... yes really.

I was really surprised that I liked both plots of the movie (Sil on the prowl and the team hunting her down), and the romance between Press and Laura? I actually love it. It was kinda cute, I don't always like romances happening quickly but this was good.

Laura: You want to dance?

Press: Who, me?

Laura: Yeah, you.

God, I love how she delivers that line! Gently mocking his voice. And her saying "cute socks" when they're about to have sex was adorable.

~~~

I really liked Dan the empath but I don't fully know if he was supposed to be kind of a joke? Like him stating his empathic yet obvious observations and how everyone reacts to that. He kind of reminded me of Padparadscha Sapphire form SU, just a bit.

Like I said earlier, since we saw plenty of scenes of Press and Laura, I wish we saw more of Arden and Dan.

~~~

Sil's journey and mission throughout the movie was interesting, but her alien design really bothered me. Like, were the tenta-tits really needed? I really got the Xenomorph and H.R. Giger vibes from the design, which I'm sure it was a huge inspiration. Actually, I looked it up, he did design her...

It was nice to see so many people being kind to who they thought was a foreign woman, even the motel guy! But that poor woman she uses to fake her death... her acting was incredible and heartbreaking.

~~~

Xavier... I didn't like anything about this character and the actor, I'm sorry, but I don't understand the direction he was given. Not his fault, but man I was happy when he died. I was also confused with the scene after Sil faked her death and she was in the other car if Sil just knew what he was gonna say or she was mind controlling him? Which doesn't show up anywhere else.

~~~

The horror aspect of this horror movie was not really there, which I didn't mind. It wasn't scary or anything, but I enjoyed the chase between the team and Sil and all the people Sil meets.

~~~

The last thing I want to add is the fact that I laughed way too hard at one scene. In the beginning, Xavier was talking about how Sil came to be and says:

"We decided to make it female so that it would be more docile and controllable."

And I hope that it would cut back to the only woman on the team, and yes, it did. I howled with laughter, probably wasn't that funny but it was to me.

Oh yeah the penis I mentioned? It was Sil and Adren's sons'... I didn't really wanna see a kids genitals. No thank you.

[scarlet--wiccan]

Just out of curiosity but do you read/ hc pietro as neurodivergent? I know it’s a popular hc among fans and there’s certainly some moments that lend to that interpretation (plus I see a bit of myself and my brother in him so personally I hc he has mild autism) but I was wondering if you had any of your own thoughts on it, or for Wanda for that matter?

Yes, but it's complicated. Pietro and Wanda are both characters who spend a lot of time grappling with complex trauma, generational trauma, mental illness, and what are clearly meant to be read as neurological differences. I struggle with many of those things myself, and as a Romani person with an immigrant background, I get a lot out of reading these characters through that lens. It's an intrinsic part of what makes them so human and compelling to me, especially as part of a larger, intergenerational tapestry of mixed-race immigrants and survivors. These issues are a part of our heritages and histories, so I want that to be reflected in the characters who represent me.

I think it's hard to talk about neurodivergence or mental illness-- which, of course, are not the same thing, I just mean that the conversations tend to overlap-- with Wanda and Pietro because this is already, textually, part of the characters, but it's been implemented in really messy ways.

For both of them, their primary mental health challenges and neurological differences are treated as extensions or results of their powers. There is an allegorical element that gets in the way of literal representation. This sort of thing is very common in superhero comics, and I've written about it before regarding transness and genderfluidity. It's entirely possible to still write meaningful and resonant representation, but I don't know if I feel comfortable saying "Pietro is autistic"when the text is saying he doesn't have autism, he has a super-speed-mutation-brain. Does that make sense?

The other problem is that the material that introduced these elements to the characters is really problematic. I'm sure I don't have to explain why House of M is an ableist and sexist narrative, but a lot of people seem to overlook the fact that the depiction of Wanda as a person with specific mental illnesses is rooted in a harmful, ableist storyline. Specifically, the way that schizoaffective disorders are defined and pathologized in Disassembled is cruel, inaccurate, and just unacceptable. That tone is still echoed in a lot of modern comics when Wanda's mental health is addressed.

In addition, I really don't like to put too much stock in the whole "Pietro Maximoff Syndrome" thing from X-Factor. For one thing, Peter David is a hateful, vocal anti-Romani racist, and it is reflected in a lot of his choices with Pietro. While this direction did humanize and justify some of Pietro's personality flaws, I do feel that the tone was overall very derisive towards him.

In Scarlet Witch (2016), Wanda talks about going to therapy and taking antidepressants, and in Quicksilver: No Surrender (2018), Pietro talks about his complex trauma responses in a way that's specifically grounded to the reality of being a severely marginalized person of color. These are the best examples of how their mental health has been addressed-- they bypass the powers and allegory and just allow the characters to inhabit real experiences that actually deserve representation.

That said, it doesn't really represent neurodivergence the same way. I think that's a subject that superhero comics have been dancing around for a long time, but haven't quite figured out how to reckon with. I really hope its something we'll see more positive growth towards, in the future.

[insurrection-if]

You have no reason to apologize! People here are too entitled just because they gave a follow/like/reblog. You don't owe anyone anything. If people are unhappy with your progress they can easily unfollow.

These kinds of people never realize how those kind of messages don't inspire they deture. I've seen so many If blogs deleted and ifs canceled due to these kinds of messages.

If writers have a life outside of their If and don't work for followers. I'm sorry you have to go through these things. You deserve respect and not someone telling you you're wasting your time and not doing enough. Your health, be it mental or physical, and personal life is more important than getting an update or demo out. Take your time and make something you're going to personally love and have pride in. Ignore these people and take care of yourself.

Thank you so, so much for these wonderfully kind messages.

I admit, I perhaps overreacted a bit in that last response I gave. It caught me at a very bad time and my emotions, which I had not had under control for a quite a while leading up to that, sort of carried me away.

I had been in a multi-day state of what felt like unending panic, not able to relax even in my sleep, from factors entirely unrelated to all this. Atop all that outside stress, I was grappling a lot with my guilt towards all the progress I was losing to the overload of work and exhaustion from my day-to-day tasks. That message had felt like the final testament to how I was failing at absolutely every aspect of my life.

I do not think I was in the right state of mind to read or respond to it then.

But I am so incredibly thankful for the kindness, grace, and understanding that was shared with me after that poor response of mine. Tumblr has not been the most fun or attractive space to me for some time—as I still am not the most adept or comfortable with social media apps outside YouTube—but it has been incredibly reassuring and heartwarming to see so many kind and considerate individuals on this site.

Again, apologies for all my negativity and gloom. That is not the mood I wish to share so much, especially when this whole project of mine was begun as a means for my own fun and expression. It’s just a lot of pressure I’m imposing on myself and amplifying to the most ridiculous extremes in my head.

Thank you so much to everyone who has been so patient and forgiving, it means so much more than you could ever know. (　´∀｀)b

[linskywords]

heyyyy I don't recall if you've ever mentioned using a beta for any of your fics, but can I ask you about your editing process? How you start it, how you do it, what sort of things are you are on high alert for, etc?

I'm 23k into my first hockeyrpf fic, which is kinda *out there* and I'm now grappling with "woah is this even intelligible to other fans" 😅

What a fun question!! First of all, congrats on being 23K in. That's so many Ks! It's such a fun fandom to write in, I'm glad you're joining the fun. 😄

I don't use a beta. I used to, but I'm too impatient for it -- I always want to edit my fics right away and get them out there. So I do my own editing. I don't know how useful this will be for you, since everyone's writing process is so different, but here's how mine works!

First, I write a complete draft. I'll sometimes backtrack if I realize I've taken a wrong turning, but otherwise, I try not to worry too much about quality in the draft. I write from start to finish because otherwise I can't hold onto where I am in the emotional arc. Getting to the end and having the tension resolve is a huge motivator for me.

Once I have a complete draft, I usually do a full editing pass. I save a copy and go back to the beginning and read through the whole thing, editing and rewriting as I go. It's actually impossible for me to read my own draft without editing, which is hugely inconvenient sometimes (e.g. if I step away for a bit and need to refresh myself on the story, it takes forever because I find myself editing as I reread).

A lot of what I edit for is rhythm. I can't quite accurately gauge the rhythm of a scene while I'm writing it, especially if the scene is a conversation; I need to give myself a little distance and then reread for that. I do a lot of adding lines and taking others away to make things flow the way I want them to. I especially watch for if a scene builds too fast and doesn't earn its level of intensity, or if a scene drags and can be trimmed.

Another big one is, am I overstating emotions? Sometimes this means I'm repeating myself, and sometimes it means I'm being too direct about angst etc. when it would be stronger to dial it back and let the reader extrapolate. A lot of times when I'm writing I put in lines that state very directly how the character is feeling, mostly as a way of figuring out what that is, but that's really for me and not the reader, so I take those parts out. Or sometimes I'll put in a line or a feeling and realize I want to use it later on, so it'll be in both places in the draft and I'll take out the earlier one in editing.

I guess the biggest question I'm asking myself when editing is, does this ring true? Anything that feels fake or forced or convoluted or disconnected or illogical gets edited out the best I can.

Other things I look for:

clunky sentences (so many)

using the same word more than once in close succession ("even" and "just" are big ones for me, as are "soft" and "warm" in any sex or romance scene)

using the same sentence structure too many times in a row (she typed a thing, her words wording <- my biggest offender)

having characters smile or grin or laugh too many times in close succession

places where it's not clear which "he" I'm talking about (down with epithets, just repeat the name or rephrase)

places where I use too many dialogue tags (confession, I use them way more often than I need to for intelligibility; I just like the rhythm, and "he says" is neutral enough to my ear that I don't mind the unnecessary usage)

continuity errors, often where I changed something in one place while writing and forgot to change it elsewhere

weird metaphors I thought would work but don't

Usually one pass is not enough, since I'll have rewritten so much that then needs to be edited again. Two editing passes is arguably not enough either, but it's usually the limit of what I'll do. Sometimes if a story is very tricky I'll do more, or if it's very straightforward I might stop at one. It's kind of a vicious cycle: if I reread my edits, I'll want to edit again, and there's no real stopping it without just deciding it's good enough and you can be done. This is one reason I often post in chapters, because it's easier to do this with a smaller chunk of story.

I think that's what I have off the top of my head. Happy to talk more about any aspect if you're curious. Good luck with your writing and editing!!

[clowningaroundmars]

morales twins vigilantes: getting found out pt 1

hey yall im in my fic writing era. but i am BAD at writing LMFAO i'm really not sure i'll ever write a proper fic with a plot or anything

either way, i hope yall like this lil drabble my brain came up with on a whim of the morales twins!

it's how i imagine the way their secret would be revealed after doing the whole vigilante thing together for a lil bit. it's kind of based on the hcs i had of the twins which is here, kind of a continuation of the last bullet point there actually

miles1610 is miles and miles42 is milo bc i read a couple fics with that name given to him and now it is stuck in my heart u_u

>2nd part here<

well. uh. hope u enjoy! :)

It was a fight that went slightly awry that really did them in.

No blood, no fireworks, no loud banging or explosions or anything. No one was even so badly hurt that they almost died, either.

It was simply just… a broken mask and their father unexpectedly being on patrol that fateful night that finally brought their secret out to light.

The Morales twins had been doing their vigilante thing together for only a few months now. Miles had been Spider-man for well over a year, of course, but it was after a particularly bad fight with a rhinoceros guy (what a freak…) that went semi-viral on social media that his brother Milo finally put his foot down and pulled those Prowler gloves from under his bed. He worked hard to modify the technology to better suit him, and had all of the armor and rope he needed in order to keep up with his brother all set in as little as 2 weeks.

Miles hemmed and hawed about bringing his not-super-powered brother around for the nasty fights he usually tackled alone. But he would be lying if he said that Milo’s concern didn’t put a small smile on his face in the end. Plus, it really helped out a lot when Miles needed to be somewhere quickly but still had a criminal left to take on and web up. Milo being just one text away from springing into action took a real big load off of his shoulders in ways he couldn’t even imagine.

That was about 3 months ago.

It was relatively smooth sailing until one Jefferson Davis took a night patrol under his belt without even warning the boys.

Well, Miles thought to himself in retrospect, we weren’t really around the house to catch if he did tell anyone, so.

Miles ran along a side of a building to catch up with the villain of the week. He was desperately trying to keep this super-powered baddie off of his not-so-super-powered brother, and not quite succeeding. Miles told Milo time and again not to tease any bad guys during a fight. Keep the attention off of you, bro. You do not have superpowers. I do! Is that not what Miles said? God, it’s like in one ear and out the other with this guy. Ugh.

Currently, Milo is parrying and deflecting attacks from this shocker-looking guy, a real piece of work. He still had his hi-vis vest on-- and Miles swore he even saw a name tag on it somewhere which was just hilarious, really-- but aside from his normal-looking work outfit, everything else about this dude was definitely not normal. Like the bright electricity fizzing all over his skull that just barely concealed this man’s real face, and the giant lightning bolts shooting out from his hands as he tried to fry Milo. It was a good thing Milo had enough sense to install energy-absorbing tech into those giant claws of his, or else Miles would be in real big trouble at the ER.

Miles ripped a chunk of some abandoned demolition project that never got done and swung it with all of his might in the direction of their fight, using his webs for maximum distance. It didn’t hit electro-dude but it almost hit his brother. Oops.

“Ayo, watch it!” Prowler growled, his mask distorting his voice the same way it distorted Uncle Aaron’s back when he held the mantle. He gracefully flipped out of the way and shot a grappling hook somewhere off into some scaffolding, pulling himself away from the action to let his bro fly in and give the temporarily-distracted electric-man some work.

Miles would snap back with a retort if he weren’t so busy pummeling this villain with all that he’s got. Both boys’ curfews were about an hour ago and they just knew their mom would be fuming once she got back and found out. But this needed taking care of, and neither Morales boys were willing to leave some freak of nature to take over Brooklyn and shut down all the power lines over a bedtime. Hell no.

But this needed to end now, or else good ol’ Spidey won’t be seeing the light of day for another 2 months. And by the looks of it, neither will the Prowler. Before Miles could even think to land the finishing blow on old lightning-head here though, tragedy struck.

An all-too familiar voice hollers out those dreaded words both boys hate hearing, especially in the middle of a fight.

“PDNY! Freeze! Put your hands up where we can see ‘em!”

Everyone did freeze, Milo looking particularly shocked as his head swivels around to the sight of waving flashlights and 3 burly but familiar silhouettes making their way past the far gates and advancing quickly into the fray.

Jefferson Davis’ gun appears to almost materialize out of the shadows, his face lit up in the harsh lights of his flashlight beam, sporting an intimidating, professional look. Cop mode, is what Miles and Milo called it jokingly one day as they lounged in their room, passing a bag of chips between them and having a laugh at their dad’s expense. That was before Milo took on the mantle of the Prowler. That was before this.

Miles panics slightly as he feels the man jump up underneath him, thrusting an arm into the police’s direction, ready to fire off a bolt--

Right after Milo lunges in front of the officers, ready to take the blast.

It happens in a fraction of a second. Miles didn’t even think he had enough time to open his mouth, let alone warn Jeff of the incoming danger. He figures that’s what Milo must’ve thought, too, otherwise there really was no other explanation for this stupid decision he just made.

Sparks flew, and then the thud of a body hitting the floor seemed to echo throughout the demolition site.

Shit shit shit shit shitshitshitshitshit, was Miles’ inner monologue as he finally landed the blow to the side of the baddie’s head, knocking him out successfully. He quickly webbed the man up to the floor, restraining him fully. The way I shoulda done in the first place, damnit, Miles lamented, freezing in place after the deed was done. His brain was working into overdrive to try and think of ways he could extract his now-nearly unconscious brother from this place without raising their dad’s suspicions.

Ever since Prowler joined in on Spider-man’s “adventures”, the media became even more fascinated with capturing every single moment it could of Spidey now that he had a sidekick in tow.

Headlines splashed on magazines, articles and news feeds read: “Batman and Robin! Spider-man and… the Prowler?” and “Webbed Menace Recruits Purple Sidekick, Even More of a Menace”. They haunted Miles’ every step. Milo, for his part, was mostly amused. But every now and then he would complain about being known as his brother’s sidekick, as if that was the most egregious part of having his every move recorded and uploaded for millions to see online.

Their mother became even more suspicious of her twin sons after she watched a video of the two vigilantes stopping a runaway bus in downtown Brooklyn. They looked eerily similar in size to her own teenage boys, and even seemed to banter the same way after all of the civilians were saved and back on solid ground. The way Spider-man clapped Prowler on the shoulder… hmmm.

To say that she shared her suspicions with her husband would be an understatement. Milo and Miles somehow always managed to catch a familiar cop car slowly rolling around corners and down streets, keeping pace just behind them, watching them. Miles would always roll his eyes, knowing it was their father. Milo would be annoyed but managed to shrug and keep minding his own business, since it was very obviously their father. When confronted, Jeff would try-- and fail-- to casually brush it off as simply doing Concerned Dad things.

“Listen, you two.” Jeff started one evening after dinner. He managed to get both boys down in their room one weekend, just for “a quick talk”. His excuse was that Brooklyn was getting too dangerous lately, especially at night, and that he was “gonna keep an eye on them” as a precaution.

But neither boy missed that slight nervous shift in his stance as he delivered the news, and once their dad bade them a good night and left, they gave each other a silent look that conveyed the exact same thought they were both thinking.

They’re onto us.

Well, their parents’ fears and suspicions were definitely going to be confirmed whether the twins liked it or not.

Milo groaned on the ground, the Prowler gauntlets having taken the majority of the blast sent his way, but the mask was halfway blown off, revealing a good portion of the boy’s face underneath. He rocked in place for a moment, blinking stars and dancing lights out of his eyes for just that one moment.

“Prowler!!” Miles shouted. In his panic, he forgot to lower his voice and conceal his identity, but his feet just wouldn’t move! What the hell, Morales… get it together! His brother was just badly injured and here he was, frozen in place like a deer.

Jeff, for his part, was barking orders to his coworkers and directing them to make a sweep of the place in case any other suspects tried to make a run for it.

They both left. He finally jolted his bright beam of light onto Spider-man, simply standing there a little ways away and staring back with those unnervingly gigantic bug-eyes of his. If Jeff wasn’t in work-mode right now, he’d explode on this guy and ask about what the hell was going on here, but Officer Davis was nothing if not a consummate professional.

Plus, there were more pressing matters to attend to.

There was what seemed like a teenage boy on the ground, wearing those goddamned gauntlets that Jeff could’ve sworn he shipped off to the junkyard after Aaron’s funeral. Damnit, if this punk was running around wearing his brother’s mantle and tagging along with Spider-man just to double-cross him in the end, there was gonna be hell to pay.

Jeff didn’t know why, but he felt slightly protective of the bug-themed hero, damnit. Sue him. And those claws brought nothing but terrible memories of screaming women, dead brothers and heightened stress. He did not need this right now, fuck.

Once the boy on the ground stirred, Jeff quickly pointed his gun and flashlight beam directly onto him. “Those orders were for you, too, punk. Do not try me tonight. Freeze. Put your hands out where I can see ‘em!”

Milo froze on the ground, and then tried to twist his face away from his looming father who was only a foot or two away with the world’s brightest flashlight in his face, fuuuuck. He just knew he was gonna be feeling this headache for the next 3 days…

Tentatively, he also raised his claws in front of his face as slowly as he could, trying to cover his face even more. He propped himself up on his elbows and tried to regulate his breathing.

Having a cop for a dad was not always peachy, but it helped a lot to know exactly how an officer would react if any sudden movements were made while having a gun out, and Milo was not trying to get a bullet to the chest on top of the mother of all electric shocks as well. No thank you.

It was in this moment that Miles’ brain started working again, and he unstuck himself from the pavement to reach out to his dad.

“Offi-- ahem, ahem. Officer Davis,” he remembered to lower his tone and conceal his voice a bit as well, and continued, “what a surprise to see you here. On this, uh. This very beautiful night!”

Groan. Oh my god. Even Milo rolled his eyes a bit, trying to shuffle back.

“I said FREEZE!” Jeff roared, attention still trained on Milo.

Without glancing up, he added, “And you Spider-man. Oh, buddy you are gonna get it after I’m done with this little asshole, runnin’ around with my brother’s-- man, y’know what-- nevermind! Just stay back, okay? I got this handled.”

“But wait! Th-that’s uh. He’s not an asshole, officer, he’s my-- my sidekick! He’s the good guy!! He helped me take this guy down! And he even saved you just now!” Miles waved his hands around frantically, agitating Jeff.

Stop doing that, stupid! Milo thought to himself in a daze, still recovering from the electric blast.

“Stay back, Spider-man. I’m warning you.” Jeff growled.

Miles picked up the hint and halted his movements, giant white eyes flicking back up and down from his dad to his brother and back. He had to think of something, or else Milo would be dragged back to a holding cell and both of their identities would be out. He just couldn’t let that happen.

Biting his lip, Miles gathered some resolve and stepped forward again. “Officer Davis—”

“Not another word outta you!” Jeff swung the flashlight right back onto Miles threateningly, and then trained it back onto Milo again. “I am serious right now, Spidey. One more word outta you and I’m slappin’ the cuffs on you too, I swear to god! I got more than enough room in the back of the squad car for two freaks!”

Miles recoiled. “Freaks. Geez, is that what you think of us?”

But Jeff didn’t answer, because he was all of a sudden deathly silent.

Both of the other officers just finished their sweep of the area, and were making their way back to Jeff when he all of a sudden kneeled down, still training that gun on Prowler’s face. But his movements were slow and hesitant, as if he were performing them in a daze.

Miles’ spider senses should’ve been tingling by now, at the very least a little. Still, he stayed glued to his spot as he watched Officer Davis-- as if in slow motion-- shifting his flashlight and gun into one hand, lowering both slightly and away from Prowler’s shattered mask.

As his other hand reached out, Milo flinched, but he didn’t need to. Jeff simply carded his calloused fingers over his hair, his braid on the one side of his head, in reverence. Milo couldn’t breathe. He was too scared to speak.

And then everyone’s blood ran cold at the same time.

Jeff saw the beads of Milo’s favorite basketball team colors, ones that he was excited to get again at the barber shop last weekend, simply hanging there tied to the ends of the Prowler’s braid, sitting limply in his hand. Milo’s blood ran cold once he realized exactly what it was that his own father was looking at. He didn’t need to reveal his face whatsoever when his now-exposed hair told the whole story anyways.

Miles’ spider senses finally kicked up once Jeff looked up slowly, an absolutely ruined expression rippling across his worn-out features as he really gave Spider-man a good, hard look, eyes playing over what little he could see of the vigilante in the darkness of night.

For a split second, no one said anything.

Even electro-head seemed to be silent as he came to and tried to sneakily rip the webs off of him. No dice. He finally turned his attention to the trio not too far away and opened his mouth.

“Hey, what the hell is this, some family reunion or something? Let me outta here, man! Goddamn, what a fuckin’ punch, man… shit…”

Everyone startled at the same time, turning their attention to the villain. Damn, almost forgot about him.

The other officers finally arrived to surround the other angles behind Spider-man, one of them even kneeling down beside electric-- whatever, the villain of the week-- and started cutting him out of the sticky ropes to put him in cuffs.

“Don’t even think about it,” one of them grunted once they got to his hands and saw a tingle of electricity surging through fingertips. “We got dampeners in my squad car if you try anything cute, got it?”

Jeff slowly holstered his gun, keeping the flashlight trained on the Prowler, unable to tear his eyes from this boy lying on the ground at his feet.

“Davis…? You good?” This was the officer who wasn’t busy wrangling sticky webs off of the baddie. He had his flashlight and gun trained on said baddie of course, but his head was swiveled to look at his captain.

Jeff swallowed hard and nodded slowly, a weirdly mechanical kind of movement.

“…Okay. Hey, Spidey. Thanks for this, I guess,” said the officer, keeping his concerned gaze trained on Jeff, shrugging a shoulder. “Too bad about your friend though. Hope he’ll be fine.”

It took Miles a second to recognize that iconic mustache, and then it dawned on him that it was his dad’s faithful friend and his own sidekick, Officer Gutierrez. How ironic, Miles thought ruefully.

He turned back to his dad, who was now helping Prowler up from the ground and steadying him against his side.

“What’re we doing with these two?” Gutierrez asks, because someone has to.

Jeff startles, as if he was just asleep and happened to wake up. “Uhh, about...?”

Gutierrez gave him a look. “The mask guy under your arm. And, uh. This guy,” he points his chin towards VOTW (villain of the week) as he’s being hauled up forcibly by the other officer, now in giant sturdy cuffs binding his arms together.

“The… that guy. Electric man. Just… just put those dampeners on his hands and take him down to HQ. They’ll probably just ship him off to the Raft. Let me know when you guys get there, of course. I’ll uhm. I think I’m gonna be taking my break right now.”

“You taking the mask-man all by yourself, then, captain?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I will. It’s… something personal to me, to be seeing these claws on this boy. I’m sorry. I think I might explain later but right now, we gotta get that guy behind some kinda bars. Please, Gutierrez.”

Gutierrez gives him an unreadable expression, and Jeff shoots an apologetic look back.

Finally, his partner gives a small nod and turns back to the task at hand. Miles breathes out a sigh of relief.

But it was a breath too soon.

“Spider-man. Prowler. The both of you. My car. Now.”

[box-dwelling]

So this may be controversial but one of the dual destinies critiques I agree with the least is that Phoenix's arc is over so he isn't needed. And while I empathize and I do think there are characters who exist in a state where they can be definitively done, I think Edgeworth is one at least post 7yg I don't mind him turning up for fan service but I'm glad he's limited to that, I really don't think Phoenix is because to be a character like that they need to be. a lot more thematically centric.

Phoenix began life as a self insert. Kinda by the nature of that its actually quite difficult for him to reach a point in his arc where he's "done" because real people never are. They're constantly growing and changing.

If you want to make the argument that the creator said so it's worth noting that the first time Takumi thought his arc was over was after aa1, a game that ends implying he will become a prosecutor.

And that would have sucked. There was so many interesting directions his character went in later games that absolutely ruled. But each time they happen they're a little bit invented from whole cloth. His arc in JFA is somewhat of a natural conclusion of where AA1 was going but his arc in TaT is entirely invented for that game. Poisoning and betrayal were never a big deal for him before. There were no hints Dahlia existed. It was just completely new material and it fucking works. It works so well.

Then we have another point where Takumi thought his arc was over but then AA4 gives us beanix, imho his absolute most interesting iteration. That came from stuff that is true about him but was basically only true in hindsight with that addition. He is vauge as fuck about his past. He does keep stuff close to his chest. But in the trilogy that's all just protagonist things. He can't claim he's knowledgeable about something because if it turns up in a case then he can't have it explained to him for the sake of the player. The more details we get the less flexible he become. He doesn't talk about his history because it's needed for important narrative reveals. But AA4 takes that and runs with it and makes him the most interesting he's ever been. But also leaves a ton of growth for him.

I would argue DD actually expands on that a ton. It shows him actively growing out of the Beanix version of himself and finding a good middle ground between who is is now and who he used to be, a person he's spends a lot of aa4 wishing he still was. As well as him grappling with his responsibility to these kids he's taken under his wing. We can argue if it's done well or not, there are things I wish were made more explicit, but I dont agree with this idea that he's just over and there's nothing more to add. I think there's absolutely more and more that can be added to him. They may hit a wall eventually but I think we're really really far away from that point.

The guy has a lot of depth and flaws still to be explored. His I can fix them complex while referenced is still something he's yet to really over come, he could open up a lot more, his fixation of found family has never really been explored, hell his actions towards Trucy and Apollo in hiding there parentage could be properly dissected and there's a ton more that could be added on to a character who still has a ton of blank space in his history as well as just expanding on concepts that are already there. Just look at how much he still gets explored in fic.

I think there's kind of this deference to authorial superiority in AA fandom that's worse than a lot of others because of how small the original team was but I'm skeptical of that whenever I see it. Shu Takumi has made some incredible games and I adore them and deeply respect his skill as a storyteller. But he is not the only person to make AA what it is and other people can expand on it.

[wordsinhaled]

i'm at a bit of a standstill with the ring-kissing fic so y'all are gonna hear me ramble about hob gadling and dream and arthurian knighthood for a minute because man. man!!!

i mean. the ring-kissing fic is not a straight-up arthuriana AU but nevertheless

hob gadling is... THE knight errant, errant as in erring from the proper course AND errant as in adventure-seeking!!!

he's exactly the sort of knight of the round table malory was writing about. malory shows us that the knights are imperfect, flawed, perpetually a moment away from committing questionable or outright cruel acts. like, the irony of camelot and arthur and the round table being held up as paragons of morality and chivalry is my FAVORITE THING because these characters are RIFE with moral grey. the fabric of the round table is continually threatened by the knights' own failings. they are kept in check only by the strictures of virtue and courteisie, these ideals of courtly love that they are held to and yet often do not achieve

and then you get into how howard pyle sort of transformed this entire concept of the morally grey round table to cherrypick "moral" values and ideals of uprightness and chivalry to shape young men in the 1900s, and how the story mutates into this idealization of the round table and knighthood, but i digress

i remember reading a paper ages ago (wish i could find it now, but have no recollection at all what it was called or who it was by) about how the round table and the mythologization of camelot, the codification of chivalric social norms, was a response to not knowing quite what to do with the medieval soldiering/knightly class in society when they were not at war, how to keep their power in check and maintain an orderly society, because there was this fear that these men would not have anywhere to put their energy and would resort to violence/social unrest so religion and courtly love were used to create ideals for the warrior class to follow

and like... that is the most hob gadling energy ever, honestly??? like he's so representative of that thing that was feared in society. mercenary hob, brute force hob, full of fire energy and zest for life that cannot be contained, becoming perhaps over the years more refined, or sublimating those aspects of himself, but never losing the imperfection in him that always sways him toward some sort of moral failing

i mean. hob is the knight who would attempt the grail quest and not achieve the grail in part or, maybe more aptly, because he doesn't believe he will achieve it and understands himself to be fundamentally flawed. hob is the knight who wanders the forest in a hair shirt and never fully manages atonement but is always, perpetually striving toward it

so like, a whole aspect of this fic is the fact that hob is sort of having this experience of revelation in dream's realm, being in the dream lord's presence, that he doesn't feel entirely deserving of and has to grapple with having experienced and packing that eldritch transformative experience back into the waking world

and then there's the whole fact that dream himself (like arthur) is also fundamentally flawed. he suffers the tragic flaw of excessive pride. he is an idea and he is an ideal in his own right, but he often falls short of his own personal standards for his kingdom and is perpetually self-castigating. dream isn't The Grail, he provides revelation but he is also on his own hero's journey fumbling toward moral betterment and and and

yeah, i don't know, i am just Feral about this thanks @queerofthedagger