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#I'm not the best at maintaining a blog am I?
ladyseidr · 2 years
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I am still around lurking, but I know my activity has been sporadic on all three blogs (plus, yes, i went radio silent on IMs and dis.cord again sigh). Honestly, I’m currently learning to accept that, while I’ll eventually be okay, I’m not okay now and probably won’t be for awhile. So, yeah, I still intend to write and I’ll respond to messages when I feel able, but I won’t be making any promises about when/how often/etc etc etc.
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neverendingford · 5 months
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#tag talk#I lie a lot. to other people. to myself. I don't really lie here (usually) because I don't have an image to maintain but like...#I don't always even recognize the lies in telling myself. I retell stories to make myself seem clever and smart#retell interactions to make people take my side in the matter. and it even works on me sometimes.#I've always wanted to be the hardboiled loner. independent and happily isolated from others.#and to an extent I am. it helps when you despise most people you meet. when you find them inane and simple.#but I play it off like I'm somehow cool and aloof when in reality I'm alone because I hurt so much around others.#I have such a hard time identifying with others. I genuinely feel estranged and alien.#it makes me immune to caring about their pain. which can be useful I guess. but that's still not great.#I think part of my desire to be- and questioning of being aroace is in part a desire for independence.#because I have been wildly romantic before. I was head over heals for my first boyfriend (still my best friend).#I wrote them poetry. left love notes around their house. cooked him food and went on dates. and I did enjoy it. felt natural and good.#I just... that happens so rarely. this is the first time in almost ten years that it's happened again. I have the capacity. I have the want.#but I just... I don't click with others. I don't get along with them. I interact with to know them and then I start to loathe them.#I've gotten too many followers here and I go through their blogs and I get an idea of who they are and there's at least five of you I hate.#and I'm getting awfully close to reaching the annoyance threshold because I don't mind you existing but I need it to happen somewhere else.#I don't get paid to exist in the same space as you so we don't even have a functional relationship.#anyway. I dislike being lonely but I constantly feel a visceral disconnect between myself and others and it aches every single day.#adhd meds and hrt are doing huge things to help me be happy with myself. which means I need people less. I can exist alone.#but it doesn't remove the need. doesn't fill the void. it remedies one problem but emphasizes another.#and I'm not used to wanting someone. I want things From people but I don't want Them. except now I do. I want this person.#and I'm so out of my depth because my play is usually to keep distance. engage politely. get the company I need and then retreat.#and I want more than that here. I was about to say “I'm afraid of fucking it up” but I'm not. that's a cliche that my mind auto filled.#I know I won't fuck it up because I understand her and I know my own abilities. but I'm afraid of what this means for me.#will this work loose something in my own mind? Will I become more painfully aware of my own needs? Will loneliness hurt more?#I know I'm moving again in a few years. I'm staying with my brother for the foreseeable future so I know this won't be long term.#so if I can figure this out in the next year or so then maybe I'll be more prepared the next time we settle somewhere.#idk. my mind has been in overdrive processing this for the last three weeks. I feel noticeably more tired because of it.#I'm just so preoccupied with trying to figure out this new part of me that's only shown up once before.
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occudo · 6 months
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My art summary of 2023! Template by Taxkha on twitter
2023 was a year for sure, huh
Personally, I had some unexpected setbacks this year, that could have easily become big problems, but I got so much support from you guys that in the end I managed to keep my head above water. I'm incredibly thankful for everyone who helped! I love all of you!!
Because of y'all, I could draw and posted more digital art than ever, made waaay to many TMA AUs, some of which I even put up to my ao3
I made a kofi where I could make commissions (like Mx. March Michael, made for the lovely @puncromancy) and opened a redbubble for sticker designs!
Got to read and see amazing works from fellow fans (some of them became my mutuals?? how??)
Overall starting and maintaining this blog was one of the best things that I did, I sincerely can't tell you how much it helped me to get through this year. I don't have the vocabulary to tell you how thankful I am.
See you next year, I hope!
-Occudo
ps.: the next GiSA chapter is on its way~
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charlie-lec-stories · 6 months
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Invisible string // CL16
Pairing: Charles Leclerc / Vettel!Sister
Summary: While on a difficult time in his life, Sebastian discovers that his family is way bigger than he thought.
Warnings: Alcohol and drugs consumption, strong language.
Author’s Note: This story is and is not about Charles, but it's a nice story and I thought that it would be nice to include it on this blog. I'm not comfortable with writing about the death of real people, so even though reader is Sebastian's little sister, I changed the names of his parents and to feel more comfortable with the plot. You have to remember that this stories are originally done for my own fictional characters and I adapt them to the F1 world to include Charles on them, so when I write about Sebastian's family I am not speaking of the real one. Rate: +16 (sensitive language and mature activities)
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"Sebastian, I'm so sorry for your loss". It was the tenth time he had heard that phrase in an hour, and even though he was grateful for so many people being there for him, he was sick and tired of the condolences. He smiled sadly at yet another friend of his father, Klaus, and quickly looked around, searching for Hanna, his wife, to save him from the situation. He found her at the other side of the room, she instantly understood him and made her way to where he was. She started some light conversation with the older man, sending Sebastian a complicit look, giving him his cue to leave. He swiftly escaped to the kitchen and hid there for a few minutes. 
"Hi, kid". Sebastian looked up to find Henry, his father's best friend. The British man was like family to Sebastian and now that his father had joined his mother in Heaven, Henry felt like the last piece of family Sebastian had. "I've been looking for you".
"Well, you found me. I thought I had done a better job at hiding though. I'm not really in the mood for more condolences". Henry pulled away a chair and sat next to him, patting his back lightly, trying to be as comforting as he could.
"You don't need to hide from me, Seb". They both laughed softly, the tension on Sebastian's back loosening a bit.
"I know. I'm just... overwhelmed, I think". He let out a long sigh, and Henry squeezed his shoulder, his heavy hand finding a home there.
"I know, I felt the same when my father passed away. My brother was a good help at the moment, he took care of everything, I just felt like it all was too much. I actually went to your father's and hid there for hours. Came back home, stoned as fuck, just in time to put the old man to the ground". Sebastian smiled, he knew that story, his father had told him about the time he and Henry smoked weed like two Woodstock hippies the day Henry's father died. "Klaus was a good friend, but sometimes I feel a big debt with my big brother, he really stepped up that day".
"You're lucky to have a brother to be there for you at a time like that. I think that's one of the cons of being a single child". Sebastian felt Henry tense up, and the warm hand that was once on his shoulder, now slipped away, as if Henry was unable to maintain the contact. "What? What is it?".
"Seb...". The tension grew so thick that Sebastian had to move away slightly. Something was wrong, terribly wrong. "You know I wasn't just your father's best friend, I was also his lawyer". The younger man nodded slowly, his narrowed and confused eyes focused on the older man. "I may just give you this now, I would rather see you next week for the will's reading with this information a little bit more processed".
"What are you talking about?". Henry looked inside his coat, taking an envelope out of his pocket and handing it to Sebastian, who took him with trembling hands. "Henry, what is this?".
"That's a letter your father wrote to you, twenty years ago". Sebastian took the letter out and started reading right away.
"A sister? A baby sister?". Henry saw the array of emotions that passed the younger man's eyes: confusion, anger, sadness, disappointment, happiness. Sebastian felt every emotion he was capable of in just a few seconds, as his father's words sunk in. The letter was about the time when his parents had briefly separated and Klaus had gone to Henry's home in England to spend a few weeks, while he decided what to do about his marriage. He wrote about how he met a lovely woman, and that after one night with her, he decided that he was getting a divorce, but then, a 9 years old Sebastian called him and asked him when he was coming home and he understood that he loved his life in Germany, with Sebastian and Lina, his wife. He left the lovely woman behind and went back home, just to get a call a year later, letting him know that he had a daughter but the lovely woman wanted nothing to do with him. The letter finished with Klaus begging for Sebastian's forgiveness. 
"He left half of everything he had to that little girl, who's not so little now. He asked me to find her once he passed away and let her know that there were some things that he wanted her to have, but, most importantly, he wanted you both to meet". Sebastian, who just then noticed that he was crying, wiped his tears away angrily.  
"Why? Why hide this from me?". Henry gathered the courage to place his hand on Sebastian again and ran his finger through the grieving man's blonde locks.
"Because he was too scared to do anything about this while he was alive, but he knew that you deserved to know the truth".
A week later, Sebastian was sitting in Henry's office, Hanna by his side and Henry drinking a cup of tea in front of him while they waited for the girl to show up. Henry found her in the same town Klaus had met her mother, a little town that was Henry's home for a short period of time in 1996. It was crazy, but she was born on July 3rd, 1997, exactly on Sebastian's 10th birthday. He had always wanted a little sibling so it kind of felt like a birthday present, one he had hoped to know about way sooner. They waited but as the minutes passed, Sebastian started to lose hope on ever meeting his sister. What if she didn't show up? What if she didn't want to meet him? Henry sent the letter, but she never answered. What if she just didn't care about her father's side of the family? Hanna grabbed his hand and he felt a little bit of comfort, but the fear in his heart could only subside with the mystery girl's presence. There were some muffled voices that rang on the other side of the door and Hanna turned around expectantly to see who they were, but Sebastian couldn't move, not even when the door opened and his wife gasped, him too afraid to turn around. 
"Good afternoon, is this Mr. Henry Wood's office?". Even if the thick Northern British accent took him by surprise, Sebastian was still petrified, and he saw Henry get up to welcome the people who walked in. 
"Yes, I'm Henry. You must be Eleanor". Two sets of feet could be heard and Sebastian understood that his sister didn't show up alone. They both reached the desk and just then, he could move to look up. There was an older woman, in her 50s, dark reddish hair and green eyes looking down at him with an expression he couldn't quite read. Next to her was a younger girl, her face shared a lot of features with him, she was unmistakably his sister, a Vettel without a doubt. It was strange, looking at her, a complete stranger, and still finding himself looking back. Her hair was lighter than her mother's, but they both shared green eyes. 
"Yes, I'm Eleanor. This is Y/N". The girl shook Henry's hand, but she sat down not even looking at Sebastian once. 
"Seb, if you don't mind, I'd like to start with Y/N's part of the will". Hanna had to elbow him, because he was zoning out looking at the girl.
"Yes". He finally said, looking back at Henry and clearing his throat. "Of course I don't mind".
Henry took his time, properly going through every part of Klaus' will. The older German left the summer house, one car and half of his bank account to his estranged daughter, and the rest to Sebastian, which included the family home, one car and the other other half of the money. Y/N never said a word, if it wasn't for him constantly looking at her, he could have sworn that she wasn't even there. Eleanor spoke up a few times, asking about legal processes and such, she sounded like a sweet woman, but Sebastian could see that she was trying to put on her mean face, doing her best to protect her child. Hanna had excused herself in the middle of everything, a chaotic call from their children sending her out of the office to play referee between their arguing toddlers. Henry walked out once the will was completely read, telling them that he needed to grab some other papers for them to sign. Eleanor started telling her daughter about what they were going to do with the summer house, that they could keep it or sell it, that if she wanted to sell it, they could rent a hotel room and use the money to do some remodeling and sell it for a higher price. Y/N spoke for the first time, agreeing with the selling.
"You're welcome to stay with us-". Sebastian started, but Eleanor cut him off.
"No, thank you". She had a hard look on her face, but the broken gesture on Sebastian's softened her a little. "I made a choice twenty years ago, and I stand by it, Sebastian. She's not a Vettel".
"But-". Eleanor got up and pulled her daughter with her.
"I said no. She's been more than fine without her father's influence. She won't start with this now". With that, she started to walk away, ready to wait outside for the final papers.
"I am not my father". Sebastian's angry tone made the two women turn around to look at him. He was still sitting, his body resting on the back of the chair, his gaze on the ground, until he looked up at them, tears threatening to spill out. "I was lied to, for twenty years. You knew we existed, I didn't. I was robbed of the chance of meeting her sooner, of watching her grow. I was robbed of the chance of being a brother, of forming a bond. So excuse me for trying to start now! Excuse me for wanting to get to know my sister!". Eleanor exchanged a look with Y/N, then, the girl walked up to Sebastian. The staring contest went on for a few seconds, then, she sat back down and wrote her phone number on a paper that she found on the desk. 
He was shocked when Y/N showed up at his door the next month without Eleanor, her mother still choosing to stay in a hotel instead of Sebastian's house. Even though it was unrealistic, when he let her into his home, he kind of expected them to click instantly, but his bubble quickly popped. The following two weeks were a disaster, Sebastian learned that they not only had nothing in common, she actually seemed to dislike him. If he said white, she said black, if he said sweet, she said sour. Sometimes he wondered if she was doing it on purpose, just to start a fight. He had never met anyone so different to him and they argued for almost every little thing on a daily basis. He complained to Hanna every night, he didn't know what to do, he wanted his sister to like him, he wanted to build something great with her, but she only pushed him away. But Hanna told him something that made him keep fighting: "She could go back home whenever she wanted, she could even go to her mother, staying just fifteen minutes away from us, still, every night, she chooses to stay here. She may be having a hard time letting you in, but she's not backing down and neither should you".
There was one thing that he noticed she couldn't hate about his life, and that was racing. Every day she walked down the stairs, he could hear her stop for a few minutes to stare at his pictures on the walls, most of them from his Red Bull days, but some from his now Ferrari era. He could tell that she liked Formula 1, even if she tried to hide it, he could see the spark in her eyes whenever she lingered a little too long on a trophy in the living room, or when he and Hanna went over the last details of the new season starting next month. She always seemed to listen to those conversations without making any mean remarks. That shared interest gave Sebastian an idea, he could take her with him to the races, maybe she would like him a little better if she could see him in his element, doing what he loved and maybe showing off a little. It was also a chance to spend more time with her, just the two of them, getting to know each other better. It could be his chance to be an older brother. She accepted the offer, not before making a whole scene of her showing almost zero interest and telling him that she was doing it more for the chance of meeting cute drivers than to spend time with him. He pretended to believe her, whatever means necessary if it meant her spending time with him.
"Y/N, are you ready?". He yelled from the bottom of the stairs, his German punctuality stressing over the fact that she was taking her sweet time, guaranteeing them to be 10 minutes late for the time he had to be at the airport. 
"Stop yelling! Jesus, you're insufferable". She complained as she walked down the stairs, her luggage heavy and hitting the edge of every step. He almost puked when she stood in front of him and saw what she was wearing. She had a white shirt with a Mercedes logo and number 44, Lewis Hamilton's name written on the back. She smirked at him and he looked back at her seriously, not finding anything funny in her little act. 
"You know my number is 5, and I drive for Ferrari, right?". He loved Lewis, he was one of his closest friends, but there was no way in hell his sister was wearing that to the paddock.
"I know". She simply stated and walked past him, saying goodbye to Hanna and going to the car. He spent the whole ride to the airport thinking of a good excuse to give to his Team Principal about why she was wearing that, but there was nothing that he could come up with.
"Well... That's... something". Maurizio, his team principal said as Y/N sat on the jet and put on her earphones, ignoring everyone.
"She's not my biggest fan". Sebastian admitted, sighing as he looked at his sister buckling up.
"I can see that". Maurizio laughed a bit, finding the situation a lot funnier than Sebastian.
"I already like her". He heard Kimi, his teammate, add without looking up from his phone, his eyes hidden behind dark sunglasses. It was going to be a long season.
To say that a white Mercedes shirt stood out in the sea of red would be an understatement. She was like a LED sign saying "I hate Sebastian Vettel'' and her little number caught the paddock's attention instantly. Walking into the paddock, she quickly ran away from him, going who knows where while he did everything that was required before the first practice. He spent all Friday without seeing her, until it was time to go back to the hotel and on Saturday, she was already making friends around and ignoring him. Her insistent effort to pretend like he didn't exist only fueled him to win, still, Lewis got pole and Kimi followed the Brit on the starting grid. Sebastian was fuming when he saw Y/N grin as she looked at him, satisfied with his anger. She was a menace, like a Vettel, but he could be even pettier, that's why, on Sunday, he ended up winning the race and enjoying the little tantrum she did before going back to the car locking herself in until he was ready to take her back to the hotel.
The next race, Sebastian got pole and won the race, enjoying more the fuming expression of his little sister than the win itself. But then came China and he ended up 8th even though he got pole position and it was her time to laugh. After almost a month hanging around the paddock, Y/N had made a lot of friends, especially with the drivers that were close to her age. She quickly befriended Max Verstappen and Pierre Gasly, who introduced her to the Alfa Romeo rookie, Charles Leclerc. Sebastian liked Charles, he was a talented kid and there was this rumor, almost confirmed, that he was the one that would take Kimi's seat the following season and become Sebastian's teammate. But Charles was a boy, and the German soon discovered he didn't like her sister hanging out with boys. The next two races ended up with Lewis taking the P1 spot and Sebastian wasn't sure what he hated more, losing or his sister being so incredibly happy with Lewis' wins. Maybe what he hated more was Y/N going out every weekend, clubbing with her new favorite drivers while he waited awake and stressed out for her to go back. She was twenty, it wasn't like he could ground her, but she was still a kid in his eyes and the idea of her drinking with those three boys wasn't his happiest thought. 
"I'm going out". She informed him casually, then, he walked out of the bathroom and grabbed his jacket. She looked at him, frowning.
"Let's go". He said as he walked to the door.
"What are you doing?".
"It's obvious, innit?". Replied, smirking and making fun of her accent.
"There's no way you're coming with us". She crossed her arms and they heard her phone ring with a message notification, probably one of the boys telling her that they were outside to pick her up. 
"I'm not asking you. Answer the text, tell your friends that I'm taking us to the club". She opened her mouth to complain, but he saw her face morph into a big grin.
"Sure, Seb". She took her phone out of her purse and quickly replied, with a suspicious look, she watched her walk out of the room and he followed her. 
He learned that night that, if he pushed her buttons, he'd probably end up paying a high price. She drank her weight in alcohol and made out with half the club, she even got into a fight with a guy way bigger than her, and he was the one that ended up with a sore cheek. He had to literally tear her away from Max Verstappen, and then from Charles Leclerc, and somehow, from three other guys. She did everything she knew would make him mad and the next morning, she ignored his 20 minutes long sermon about her actions. But, she didn't win. He kept joining her on her clubbing and made it his mission to keep her away from trouble - and Charles' disrespectful hands, well she wasn't exactly complaining, but Sebastian still didn't like it-. 
It was around their birthdays when they discovered that they were actually having fun together and, before they could notice, they ended up walking out of clubs laughing their asses off. The press had a field day with them, but Ferrari didn't seem to care, and it wasn't like he was getting in any trouble with Hanna for his nights out. Austria was the race before their birthdays and Max won, Sebastian coming in third. The Dutch celebrated shoving his tongue down Y/N's throat and Sebastian decided that he had enough, he could deal with the fights and the drunken mischief, but she was definitely not dating a driver. They spent their birthdays together in England, the first time they had a good time together without alcohol doing its magic. Charles Leclerc sent a gift and it had Sebastian rolling his eyes in annoyance, but it still was a sweet gesture, one he noticed his sister liked a lot. Eleanor was in a better mood, and Sebastian could appreciate a sweeter side of her. It was his best birthday so far. Thirty-one felt great and being an older brother felt even better, even if they still were having some issues. 
The next weekend was Silverstone, and the Vettel siblings fell into their previous dynamic. It was Y/N home race and Sebastian wanted to win it more than anything, but she still wore Lewis' shirt. The Brit got pole position, but Sebastian won the race and, for the first time, his sister congratulated him for his win. They hugged tightly, he even let some tears roll down his face, it was their first time ever hugging. They didn't go out that weekend, instead, the party kids decided to join the Vettels for a nice and tranquil dinner. Sebastian got to appreciate better the developing relationship between his sister and Charles, how the young driver was slowly but surely winning her over, and he didn't like it, Sebastian didn't like it one bit. He thought he disliked Max, but he discovered that he could dislike Charles even more. Hanna noticed, because if there was someone on Earth that knew Sebastian like the back of their hand, that was Hanna. She could see the possessive spark in his eyes, the way he tensed as he watched Charles whisper something in Y/N's ear while she giggled. She knew that he was close to exploding, but to her surprise, Sebastian didn't do anything.
The following six wins from Lewis were interrupted by Sebastian's win in Spa, and again, even if she was still wearing white, his sister was there to congratulate him. He could feel that they were getting closer, but as their relationship got stronger, so did hers with Charles. By the end of the 2018 season, Sebastian finished second in the championship and his sister had officially started dating Charles, who was confirmed to become his teammate for the 2019 season. It was going to be uncomfortable, especially since Sebastian had made clear that he didn't like the relationship. He was convinced that Charles would cheat on her, because there were very few drivers that could be trusted and, from Sebastian's perspective, Charles wasn't in that selective group. She spent Christmas with the Vettels and her mother and New Year in Monaco, with the Leclercs. Sebastian was fuming, but he did what he could to keep himself in check. His relationship with Y/N was better, but she still kept him at arms distance, she still didn't trust him fully. 
There were no words to express just how happy Sebastian was when he saw her dressed in Ferrari red, but the number 16 was definitely bugging him. Him and Charles got asked a lot about the tension of being teammates and in-laws in press conferences, and the German did what he could to play it cool, even if he was constantly day-dreaming about cutting Charles' hands off. Charles was nice and seemed to admire Sebastian a lot, he was a four times world champion after all, but the older driver just couldn't stand the Monegasque. It was a shame, because if it wasn't for Charles' relationship with Y/N, Sebastian was sure that he would like Charles. The thing is, he was jealous, he hated the fact that she trusted Charles more than him, even if she had known him for less time. The couple shared so much, and Sebastian just wanted his sister to share just one little thing with him, but they were in this weird position where she accepted him as her brother, but they weren't close. Charles had gone to her house, been in her room, knew what she liked, knew childhood stories and shared some inside jokes with her. Sebastian didn't know anything more than what he could guess from the time they had known each other, but she refused to share information with him. They were amicable, but they didn't have a bond and Sebastian hated that she did form one with Charles.
Mercedes dominated and won the first eight races, Max won Austria again and then, after a very tense first half of the year, it was Sebastian and Y/N's birthdays again. After that, came Silverstone, and the tension that had been building up for so long was finally ready to explode. The race was the last drop, the glass was full and Sebastian was ready to set the world on fire. Charles finished on the podium and Sebastian 16th, after being given a ten-seconds penalty for nosing Max's car with his Ferrari. He did the best he could to smile for the cameras but he wanted nothing more than to go back to the hotel and take the longest shower of his life. He watched Y/N kiss and hug Charles before he went to the podium and something inside him just snapped. He grabbed his sister and pulled her to the Ferrari garage as quietly as possible. They started arguing, because they were amazing at getting each other angry, and what started as a petty but harmless sibling fight, ended up with Y/N crying her eyes out and storming out of his driver's room. He went back to the hotel and took his so wanted shower, but when he got out, he didn't feel any better. As the time passed, he felt worse, and when he got an angry message from Eleanor, he knew that he had to fix what he had broken. He knew that she wasn't exactly helping to make things easier, but he was the big brother and if he really wanted the role, then he had to step up.
The trip to Eleanor's house wasn't long, and he noticed that he spent more time standing outside the door than he spent driving there. It was the first time he went there, the previous year they celebrated their birthdays in a restaurant and Y/N had refused to invite him to their home. He walked up to the door and after three failed tries, he finally rang the bell. He waited, the anxiety eating him alive, his heart beating faster as he heard footsteps getting closer to the door, what he didn't expect was Charles to be on the other side of it. He frowned, while the younger driver looked back at him, unamused. Charles actually looked like he was judging him and that angered the german, still, he did his best to contain himself and remembered, he was there to apologize. 
"She's not here". Charles said and Sebastian raised an eyebrow at him, Charles rolling his eyes and then explaining. "She went to buy some ice-cream with her mom".
"Can I come in and wait for them?". He saw Charles hesitate, but then move aside to let him in. They sat on the living room sofa, in complete silence. Sebastian took a moment to look around, a lot of pictures of his sister hanging on the walls. "Do they leave you alone here often?".
"Well, yeah". Sebastian was curious, how could Charles have all that privilege while he was constantly begging for his sister's attention.
"This is my first time here". He admitted, and Charles just nodded, shifting uncomfortably on his end of the couch.
"Uhm... I know". Sebastian just scoffed. 
"Of course you know. You know more about my sister and our relationship than me". Charles could hear the venom dripping from the words and tried to calm down.
"Don't say that. It's not like I know everything". The sour laugh Sebastian let out was pushing Charles closer to the edge.
"Well, you must be more than aware that she hates me". 
"She doesn't-". But the other cut him off.
"Don't lie to me, not about this". It was the hurt in Sebastian's voice that gave Charles the last push.
"Come with me". Charles got up and he followed, both of them walking up the stairs and stopping in front of a white door, Y/N name painted on it. "I promised her I wouldn't tell you, but I can't stand this anymore". The Monegasque opened the door and walked in, Sebastian right behind him. The sight inside left him speechless: His face was everywhere. There were posters, Red Bull merchandising, Ferrari flags, everything with the number 5, everything with his name. The posters were notoriously old, some were even roughed up by the years. "I know that you think she knew about you her whole life, but she didn't. She got a letter, for her twentieth birthday, from your father. Her mother had to tell her then, the truth about who her father was. But the craziest thing is, she was your biggest fan, even when she didn't know you were related. She saw you win your first championship when she was thirteen and begged her mother to buy her everything she could find about you. You were her hero. She worshiped you, Seb".
"I signed this". He said, his fingers faintly gazing at a Red Bull cap that was hanging from the headboard of the bed.
"She went to Silverstone 2012, Webber won, you were third. She was outside the paddock when you walked up to them as you were going in. Signed her cap and told her to follow her dreams. It meant the world to her. She used to race in karting". He couldn't stop the tears even if he wanted to, full on crying as he sat on the bed and hugged the cap close to his chest.
"But then why does she hate me so much?". How could this happen? She felt it, she felt the bond. Even when they didn't know, she did, deep down, she did. 
"Your father went back to your family, left her mom alone, then her mother wanted him out completely when she had the baby. She just grew up hating the man that used her mom as a night-stand and then ran back to Germany. When she learned that the same man she hated her whole life was also your dad... it was just too much". Charles walked up to the bed and sat down next to him, putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "She loves you, Seb. She loves you so much".
"What the fuck, Charles?!". They both looked up and found Y/N and Eleanor standing at the door, Y/N furious as she gripped a bowl of ice-cream. The Monegasque opened his mouth to explain, but she was quicker. "How could you do this to me?".
"Mon amour, I'm so-".
"Bullshit! You're not sorry, you're a fucking traitor". Her accent got a lot thicker the angrier she got. Sebastian, still crying, got up and stood in front of her.
"Don't, please, don't get mad at him". Sebastian begged. "I needed to know this, I needed to know that you actually like me. Y/N, please, I love you so much. I dreamed and begged for you my whole life, you have no idea how much happier I am knowing that you exist. I know that my father was a piece of shit to you both, I know that I can't fix that, but please, I'm begging you, give me a chance". He saw her doubt, he saw her hurt, but the moment she jumped on him and gripped him tightly he knew they were never letting go. "Thank you". He whispered on her hair and she just squeezed him on a deadly grip. They pulled apart and she looked at Charles, who was patiently waiting for her to forgive him, or kick him out. "You know, Charles is alright. I mean, 16 is not that bad of a number".
"I'd rather wear number 5, though". She said and Charles looked down. "But I don't want to be a shitty girlfriend, so I guess I can wear a cap with the number 16 along with my Vettel shirt". Charles looked up again and smiled wide at her. "Okay, listen, I swear to God, if you spill my secrets again, I'm dumping your ass".
"Won't happen again, Amour, I promise". He then looked at Sebastian. "So... I'm alright?".
"Don't push it, Leclerc". 
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
This story was based on a real case of two brothers separated when they were little, and the younger became a fan of his older brother's band without knowing they were related. It was really bittersweet when they discovered that they were brothers. I hope you liked this.
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ranticore · 5 months
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I wanted to keep drawing some pern dragon stuff because I'm now writing a full AU set in weyr but I didn't want to put this stuff on my main blog or patreon due to it being basically for my own reference, though i felt others would like it too! so here is My Take On Dragon Wings By Type...
It's no secret I love drawing bird wings and prefer them a lot over traditional dragon wings. Growing up, I read the pern books featuring cover art of dragonfly-like wings with lots of little translucent panels, which I always loved. So I thought I'd try to nail down some wing shapes & structures by blending those two things i like together. I am aware dragons fly by telekinesis but I prefer a more realistic type of creature design so I will be choosing to ignore that fact. I do not care about strict canon compliance but I do like to keep some of that framework there as well, for fun.
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The wing is made up of three main sails, as well as a propatagium sail (in front of the elbow). They are relatively polymorphic and can expand or contract to an extent to change the shape of the wing in response to flight demands, like the wing of an airliner. The trailing edge can expand and the slots between the spars of the 1st wingsail can deepen or become shallower (where those are a feature). The main structural matrix is opaque, while the membranous 'sails' are translucent and let light through like stained glass. These are a bilayer of membrane with air sandwiched between, which forms part of the air sac & respiratory system.
It makes sense for the original engineers of dragons to diversify dragon wing types by colour so that when fighting Thread, there's a dragon for every conceivable aerial job.
[individual descriptions under the cut]
Queens have the longest wings, though the largest bronzes can rival them for surface area. Gold wings are high endurance - a queen can fly further than any other dragon in active level flight, leaving even the swiftest bronzes behind if they can't muster up the energy reserves to catch her. She is an effective flier at all elevations and can pass very low over terrain without issue as well; she is an expert at taking advantage of the ground effect, where extra lift is generated within one half of a wingspan above land. This way, she can pass low below the main wings fighting Thread to catch any stragglers without expending too much energy. However, she is not very agile and may need a bit of a run-up or cliff-edge to get airborne.
Bronzes are suited for command positions during Threadfall, rising highest and maintaining that altitude effortlessly by soaring on thermals. From this vantage point they can easily survey the wings of riders below and make tactical decisions to direct the tide of battle. They have the size and stamina to chase queens, but might find it difficult to keep up on the flat, so they continually select for fitter hatchlings as only the best manage to mate. It takes a very clever and agile bronze to catch a green, if they are so inclined.
Browns are swift, highly agile, and the fastest vertical fliers, ideal for diving through the Thread mass from top to bottom while the other types pass horizontally. During earlier Passes, browns were capable of using their speed to catch queens, but as queen & bronze endurance gradually increased, browns struggle to keep up if they haven't managed to immediately catch their mate in the starting scrum, which is unlikely due to the bulkier bronze dragons being able to shove the browns aside.
Blues are fast on the flat and nicely manoeuvrable, with enough endurance to last a full Threadfall. Good all-rounders with a characteristic vertical take-off, they work best in the horizontal plane in battle but really they can do a little bit of everything. They often beat browns to catch greens, being very precise in flight and almost as manoeuvrable as their green mates.
Greens make up for their low stamina with their extreme manoeuvrability. Their short and elliptical wings let them turn on a dime, hover, and even fly backwards if they are sufficiently skilled. They have the fastest wingbeats, flying with a distinct thrumming sound. Of all the types they are least likely to be hit by a stray Thread, but they tire easily on the flat and have no soaring ability at all, often tapping out midway through battle in favour of replacements. In battle, greens excel at catching odd and skewed clumps of Thread that don't fall as predicted, or ones that are missed by the other riders. Green mating flights are a whole different beast to gold mating flights, where extreme aerial acrobatics are favoured instead of endurance and altitude, and these flights may be over within seconds. You need to be able to withstand a Lot of G-force to be a green rider.
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savannahsdeath · 9 months
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Hey girl I'm obsessed with your writing!! I have a lil request. Could you do reader x dom abby. Abby is the readers brothers best friend you can do whatever you like with the story just make sure there's lots of smut 😻
BBF!ABBY ANDERSON X READER
mdni please<3
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warnings: 18+!! dom!abby, sub!reader, smut, abby is taunting reader and sliiiightly being mean
writers note: first abby fic on my blog guysss !! also i love the 'just make sure theres lots of smut' like yall are sooo desperate but SO AM I🗣️🗣️
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abby, as your brother's best friend, acted a lot like him. and we all know how brothers act - they tease, taunt, mock and laugh at their little sisters. she wasn't so cruel with it, more playful, but it still annoyed you. maybe, in person, she wasn't that bad? you never had a chance to talk to her privately, until that one night.
you were getting ready for a small house party your classmate invited you for. you dressed in the shortest skirt and the tightest top you found. you planned to go there late, when everyone's already drunk out of their minds - it's funny to see them like that. maybe something like midnight, or even later.
when everyone already fell asleep you sat at the kitchen table, having a typical night's snack. you were eating slowly and peacefully until abby came in, taking a glass of water and slowly sipping from it while leaning against the counter. she studied your little outfit and smirked.
"well, well, well..." abby spoke to you, still inspecting your attire." someone's all dressed up."
you sat in silence, feeling yourself heat up under her gaze.
"what's the occasion?" she continued to maintain her wry grin. "some special man got you all dressed up?"
"well... i did have... something planned tonight." you spoke, your voice trembled a little as you tried to remain confident. "i was headed to a gathering of friends."
abby raised a single eyebrow, her smile grew wider as she let out a little chuckle. "you sure are heading out a little late, aren't you?"
"i don't see what business it is of yours anyway." you answered with some hesitation, not sure what other reason you could give her.
abby chuckled. "someone's a little defensive." she took one finger and lightly tapped your chin, making you look straight in her eyes. "i bet you're planning to meet some special boy."
you could feel your face flare up from the heat, and you decided against agreeing to everything. "maybe, and so what?"
the truth is, you didn't even think about... ugh, boys. you just thought she'll leave you alone once you satisfy her with your reply.
"no, you're not." she laughed. "i mean, maybe you planned to, but you're not going anywhere."
you scoffed. "it's not your house, you're just my brother's guest. you won't lock me up or anything."
"that's right, i won't." she said with mock-concern. "but you won't go there, unless you want your family to know..."
your heart dropped but you let out a nervous chuckle, hoping it'll cover you.
"you wouldn't. don't lie, i know you wouldn't." you shook your head, the fear unluckily evident in your voice.
abby's smirk faded to a more serious expression, her voice becoming colder as she leaned in closer.
"i'm sure they'd want to know what their precious little daughter is up to." she spoke to you, her tone dripping with menace and a promise of a punishment. "but if you're smart, you'll just stay right here. won't you?"
you couldn't bear the thought of your parents knowing, there was no way you would tell them what you were planning.
"fine, i'll stay. happy?" you tried to sound tough, but the hint of a whisper in your voice showed you were not so confident about agreeing to abby's terms.
she smiled once more as finished her drink and turned around to set the empty glass down. "good girl."
you sat there, in the kitchen, letting out a long breath that you didn't even know you had been holding.
then, abby turned back to you with her trademark teasing grin.
"now, what are we going to do at this wee hours? it would be a shame to waste your lovely outfit..." abby admitted with a smirk and a light shrug.
she then began to walk towards you, her face filled with playful mischief as she reached out and cupped your cheek. she raised your face up, a little closer to hers, as her thumb stroked your bottom lip. without standing up, you leaned in, your lips barely brushing against abby's as you tried to resist the urge to do more. she took the initiative, leaning down to press her lips against yours in the most passionate and firm way possible.
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you ended up with your legs spread wide open, sitting on the edge of the chair. if anyone woke up now, they'd see abby kneeling in front of you with her head buried deep into your core.
"you gotta stay quiet, m'kay?" she murmured, hearing your breath beginning to get more and more shaky by every second.
she was right. no one came to check on you before, when you were just talking - it wasn't suspicious. however, the case would be different if it wasn't words escaping your mouth. you didn't miss the party so your parents don't find out about you sneaking around, just for them to see what you're doing now. in fact, they'd probably prefer you to just drink with your friends, than let your brother's friend's big hands hold your legs while she leaves dark marks on your inner thighs.
your breath became short, and the shaking had only gotten worse as you tried your best to hold back your louder, more audible reactions from the pleasure. your legs started to feel numb from both her grip and being forced to not move. as abby injected two of her fingers knuckles-deep into you, they uncontrollably closed.
"ohh, no, no." she laughed. "open up for me."
with her help, you managed to part your thighs to their previous position.
your walls clenched, adjusting to her length. you tugged on her braid, your nails digging into the gaps between each binding, ruining her hairstyle and making it messy.
"c'mon..." she twisted her fingers and started to work her magic. "it's bearable. you're kinda... overdramatic." she raised her eyebrow and chuckled.
you started thinking about some witty comeback, but you couldn't risk opening your mouth. not when you knew how many stashed moans hide in the back of your throat.
her thumb circled your clit, adding to the sensations. it wasn't necessary and you swore she just makes things harder for you purposely.
you shook your head, silently communicating to the voices inside your head you won't give in. but you did, moaning out a little 'abby...'
"sh, sh, shhh." she clicked her tongue in a mockingly disappointed gesture. "i don't know about your parents, but if i heard something like that in the middle of the night, i'd know what's happening right away. we don't want that, do we?"
the bratty side of you scoffed before you could think about obeying her. that made her laugh even more. you felt a pang of jealousy at the fact she doesn't have to purse her lips, knowing only not-suspicious sounds leave her mouth. unfair.
"i'm sorry, what was that?" she smirked, her moves painfully slowing down. "i'm just trying to help you here. you either behave or..."
you cut her off, not wanting to hear any of her threats and taunting again. "sorry, m'sorry."
she nodded, going back to her task.
you struggled, really struggled, to stay quiet. at first it wasn't even that hard, but who would last with abby for longer than fifteen minutes? let's just say... not you.
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ghostkennedy · 11 months
Note
I abso-fuckin-lutely loved In the Middle! Like, it was chefs kiss.
I would like to request somethin similar to that if you don't mind. It's like a Leon x Ada x fem! reader. I know I'm a genius, right?
Also, I frickin love you're work like it's more than chefs kiss, it's total perfection😍😍😍
Fine Line
~Leon Kennedy x fem! Reader x Ada Wong~
Word count: 6239
Content warnings: fluff, angst, smut, sexual content, MFF threesome, established relationship, they're both with reader but not each other, confessions of feelings, kissing, sub reader, dom leon, dom ada, breeding kink, mommy kink, mentions of impregnating reader, minor arguing, p in v sex, unprotected sex, multiple creampies, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, strap on, pussy eating, oral (f recieving), squirting for first time, praising
Thanks for your patience anon <3
!!!!!MINORS DNI! THIS BLOG AND POST ARE 18+ ONLY!!!!!
It’s already three am when you’re finally returning home from a work trip. It was only supposed to last a weekend, but due to your boss’s fuck up, it lasted over two god forsaken weeks. 
You figure everyone will be asleep considering it’s so late, so you quietly let yourself in the back door and lock up behind you. 
You’re silently unlacing your boots when you hear voices coming from the kitchen. Your hands instantly freeze up as you try to hear who is up at this hour. 
You’re too far away to make out anything, so you finish unlacing your boots, quietly setting them down and tiptoeing towards the kitchen.
You sit quietly in the dark dining room. You’re barely breathing in your attempt to remain hidden. You don’t know why you have the urge to eavesdrop, but here you are being suspicious as hell. 
You hear a loud sigh. “How long have you felt this way?” You recognize Leon’s voice immediately. 
You can tell already this is a heavy conversation. Usually the house was filled with laughter and teasing and happiness, but tonight it was darker. 
“Since the day I met her, probably.” 
So it’s Ada and Leon talking. Your two roommates and best friends.
Leon huffs out a laugh and you’re not sure what to make of their tone. Who are they talking about? How are they feeling? What’s going on?
“How’d we manage to both catch feelings for our roommate? What’s wrong with us?” 
Your heart drops and feels like it might fall out of your ass. They’re talking about you? They have feelings for you? Both of them?
Feelings of guilt start to creep in without permission. Are you going to come between their friendship? What if they ask you to choose? Please don’t make you choose, please.
You’d never forgive yourself. You could turn around now and pretend you never heard anything. Maybe they’d drop it and never bring the subject up to you. All three of you could repress your feelings in peace.
You know it’d be fucking painful, but it could be worth it to preserve the friendships you’ve fought to maintain over the years. 
“I don’t know. I think it’s just her.” 
“What, how she’s absolutely perfect in every sense of the word? She doesn’t even have to try to get me wrapped around her finger. She says jump, I say how high. Makes me feel like a fucking schoolboy.” 
Ada laughs at Leon’s explanation and you can’t hold back your smile. 
“That about sums it up.” Ada agrees with him.
They think you’re perfect? No one knows you better than they do and they still believe that load of shit? Maybe they really are in over their heads. Leon, you can see being a hopelessly devoted lover. But you never thought you’d see the day Ada was in just as deep. And all for the same girl who’s never viewed herself as anything more than mediocre at best? It’s a hard thought to process, that’s for sure. 
“Did you ever plan on telling her? I’ve wanted to so many times, but I’ve always chickened out.” 
“Oh Leon. It’s more complicated than boy meets girl and pursues her. That’s a given basically; it’s what’s expected. But I’m a woman who doesn’t even know if she’s into women.” Ada takes a long swig of her drink and lets out a heavy sigh. 
Leon hums as he ponders Ada’s words. 
Ada’s been pining over you even though there’s a chance you might be straight? She still admired you so much to catch feelings regardless. 
It just adds to that gross guilty feeling growing inside of you.
You’d never intentionally been evasive about expressing your sexuality. You’ve always thought your sexuality and gender expression was just fluid, not wanting to put yourself into a box. Labels made things official and you’ve always been noncommittal. And somehow that has leaked over into how you identify as well.
What do these idiots see in you? 
“Maybe she’s not into men and I’m shit out of luck. If she isn’t open about it, maybe it’s because she doesn’t identify with the norm?” Leon’s voice is shaky, almost as if he’s nervous. Is he nervous? God, you wish you could comfort him and tell him everything is your fault and not his. He always blames himself, always. 
They sit in silence for a minute. It’s not an awkward silence. They’re expressing their feelings and helping each other process, so it’s a respectful silence as they try to correlate together the best words. 
Leon speaks up again, “I don’t want to come between you two. You should pursue her and I’ll back off.” 
“Don’t do that to yourself, Leon. Don’t sell yourself short like that.” 
“What are the chances she’s into both of us?” Leon speaks before he thinks, “I mean, obviously everyone would have to agree to that and I’m just spitballing ideas here-“
Ada cuts him off, “Maybe she could be. It’s not like she’s expressed her desire for a strictly monogamous relationship either.” 
Leon’s voice is so quiet you barely hear it, “Do you love her?”
His voice is so vulnerable and it feels as if that alone has split your heart in half. Is he hurting over this? How long has he been hurting?
“I do.” Ada states without hesitation. She’s so sure of her feelings for you. A single tear streaks down your cheek as the emotional turmoil tears you apart inside. 
“I think I do too.” 
You have to cover your mouth with both hands to fight back any sounds. Your body aches with the need to sob, but you won’t allow yourself to. No, you have to be strong for both of them.
“What are the chances one of us gets our heart broken?” Leon’s voice is still so small. 
“There’s always a chance. But if you love her as you say you do, you must believe the risk is worth it? For the chance that your love will be reciprocated?” 
“Fuck. She could break my heart a thousand times and I’d probably ask her to do it again.” 
They both burst out laughing at Leon’s confession. 
“I mean, what do we do, Ada? Do we talk to her about this? Do we do it separately or together? How do we even go about it? When does someone even bring something like that up?”
You can’t take it anymore. You can’t stand the thought of your best friends hurting—your favorite people in the entire world. So you abandon your hiding spot and enter the dimly lit kitchen.
“How about now?”
Leon and Ada’s heads both whip in your direction as you nervously rub your sweaty palms on your pants in the doorway. 
Once the shock wears off, Leon’s face lights up as he stands up from his stool. He takes long strides toward you before pulling you into a tight hug. 
His lips place gentle kisses in your hair as he mumbles, “I missed you so damn much.”
All you can do is nod into his chest as you pull him to you even tighter. You grip each other like the other might disappear into thin air if your grasp waivers even the tiniest bit. 
Leon’s smell and presence fully wraps around you and it’s the most comfortable you’ve felt in weeks. Has his embrace always felt like this? Has he always felt like home?
He pulls away just enough so that he can look down at you. “Did you hear all of that?”
Your cheeks flame with your embarrassment as you nod at him once again. His attention on you alone has stolen your ability to speak. As if his mere presence has you in a chokehold.
“And?” He asks, pleading with his eyes. 
All you can do is stare up at him as you try to find any words at all. Your brain feels like mush as you meet his stare and feel Ada’s burning into you.
You close your eyes and inhale deeply, forcing yourself to get out what needs to be said. Your eyes open up and you speak quickly before you can talk yourself out of it.
“I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have both of my favorite people ever love me as much as I love them.”
Your eyes leave Leon’s and connect with Ada’s, “Nothing else has ever made this much sense to me.”
You bring your eyes back to Leon. His jaw has dropped and his eyes wide. He looks at you like he can’t believe those words actually left your mouth. You can’t stop the smile that grows on your face at his reaction. 
“So… Are you just gonna stand there or are you gonna kiss me?”
Leon blinks once before he’s crashing his lips into yours. His hands are immediately cupping your jaw as his body pushes your back against the doorframe. 
Your body instantly melts at the way he handles you. The way his hands hold you to him so firmly. His soft lips dominate yours like a starved man. His firm body perfectly fits against yours. His erection jerks to life against your belly. 
You whimper as he nibbles on your lip impatiently. Your body instinctively arches into him as your head lols back, silently egging him on.
You force yourself to pull away from him, remembering the other person you desperately need as well.
“Ada,” you turn your head so your eyes lock on hers. “Please, I need you.”
Leon’s lips trail from your mouth, across your jaw, and down to your throat.
Ada stands from her stool and slowly makes her way over to you. She stops when she’s a mere inches away from you.
“I could never say no to you.”
“Promise?” Your prompting causes Ada to smirk before leaning forward and capturing your lips with hers. 
Leon pulls himself away from you so that Ada can be fully engrossed with you. Her body is instantly pressed up against yours as her lips force yours apart. She ravishes them like she’s searching for something and you hope to god she finds it. 
Neither of their kisses are gentle and it drives you crazy. Both of their lips have sent smoke signals straight to your pussy and it has you soaked within a few minutes. You want to be embarrassed, but you can’t bring yourself to feel that way. You can’t feel anything besides the throbbing in your chest, nipples, and pussy. 
Ada pulls back and stands next to Leon a few feet away from you. They devour your body with their eyes as you lick your lips and allow yourself to eat them alive with your eyes as well. 
It’s still hard to believe that was almost two years ago. Not many people understood what you were talking about when you mentioned your boyfriend and girlfriend. It bothered you for a long time but not so much anymore. Your happiness is just that, your own, so no one else’s opinion really matters. 
You daydream of that night anytime you go away, whether it be for work or pleasure. 
This time, you were scheduled to go on a work trip for three weeks and you dreaded being away from your partners for that long, but you were also excited for the project you were helping with. Both of them had offered to accompany you, but you wouldn’t allow it. You knew their jobs could require them in an instance at any given moment, so you knew that they really did need to be home and on call. 
It was a long three weeks. 
You had finally made it home again. You were exhausted from the flights and airport bullshit. All you wanted to do was crawl into any bed at all and pass out for three days.
But the second your cab driver is pulling up in front of your house, Leon is throwing open the front door and hurrying down to meet you. 
You’re pulling your suitcases out of the trunk when he comes to a halt beside you. He gently grabs the bags from your hands, shaking his head in disapproval of you doing the heavy lifting yourself.
You thank the driver, giving him a large tip for leaving you alone the whole ride. You always hated cab drivers who tried to make small talk. Like just drive the car, step on it actually.
The second Leon passes through the threshold of the house, he’s tossing your bags to the side and pulling you into his chest. You allow yourself to fall into his embrace, too tired for much else.
“I’ve missed you so much.” He whispers into your ear, “Never torture me like this again. I’ll roll over and die next time I swear. I’m gonna have to put a ring on that finger and a baby in that belly so I can keep you safe in the house forever.”
You giggle into his chest and shake your head, “You’ve really gone crazy, huh?”
“Never been more clear headed in my life.”
“Sounds like something a crazy person would say.”
He cups your chin between his fingers, “The first thing you do when you finally get home is call me crazy? How dare you?” Then he’s pulling your lips into his with a searing kiss. 
He’s the definition of a golden retriever boyfriend. 
Always wants to be next to you when you’re around. Needs to protect you and cherish you. When you’re gone, he mopes around waiting for you to get back. When you’re both home, he can’t stay away for long. Always ending up searching you out and demanding your undivided attention. Surely if he had ears and a tail, they’d be perked up and wagging whenever you’re near him. 
And you absolutely love it.
You pull your lips from his, smiling up at him. He smiles, or more like beams, right back at you. 
A throat clears from the hallway. “How was your flight?”
Your heart rate immediately picks up at the sound of Ada’s voice. 
Before you even realize it, you’re rushing over to her. You nearly trip over your own feet in your haste to get to her.
The second you’re within reach, you’re throwing your arms around her body and nuzzling your face into her neck. She chuckles and shakes her head at you in response, but doesn’t do anything to stop you. Oh no, she pulls you even tighter against her. 
If Leon’s a puppy, Ada is a cat. 
She’ll miss you while you’re gone, but never admit the words aloud. But her eyes and purrs say it all when you’re back in her arms. She won’t come barking at the door upon your arrival, but she will make her presence known. She’ll quietly demand attention, but she’ll still make you come and get her. 
Both of their devotion runs just as deep, but they each express it in such different ways. 
You hear Leon’s footsteps approach you from behind. 
“You’re mine tonight, right? I won’t make it through the night without you.”
“Fat chance, Leon.” Ada states firmly.
“I’m not letting her go tonight. Cannot, will not.”
“No.”
“Yes!”
“I’m keeping her tonight.”
“Like fuck you are. I’m fucking taking her and I’m gonna fuck her so loud there won’t be anywhere in this house you could go where you won’t hear it.”
You cut into their little dispute, “This isn’t a fucking pissing contest. It’s not up to you two. I can decide where I want to stay tonight.”
“With me, obviously.” Leon says, crossing his arms with an attitude.
“Maybe I’ll just sleep alone in my room tonight.”
“NO!” They both shout at the same time. You try to fight back the smile creeping up your face, but fail miserably. You can’t help it, they really are your sweet little pets.
“Then we compromise.”
“How? What do you need?” Ada asks, cupping your cheek and making you look her right in the eyes.
“You’ll both just refuse my idea anyways.”
“Try me.” Leon says. He’s brought himself much closer to you than he was previously. His words are spoken right into your ear and you can’t help the chills that sneak up your spine.
“Can you both stay with me tonight? I missed you both so much. I’ll lay in the middle. You guys won’t have to touch or anything. I just want you both right now. I know we usually keep things separate, but maybe just this one time? For me? Then we can go back to how things usually are.” Your voice is pleading, but you don’t really care. You are pleading with them.
Silence follows for what feels like minutes, but in reality is probably just a few seconds. 
“Anything for you. I need to be with you so much too.” Leon is the first to speak. He tucks a stray piece of hair behind your ear and you almost lean into his hand. 
You stare into Ada’s eyes again. You can tell she wants to refuse, but she also misses you so much. She might not say it aloud, but her whole body aches with the need to stay close to you. Is she willing to cross her boundaries just to stay with you tonight? Yes, absolutely yes.
“Okay.” She finally agrees and you pull her into a kiss. You could thank her, tell her how much you appreciate it, but you know she doesn’t care much for words. She’d rather you kiss her and show her how you feel.
You pull back and look between the two. “Alright. Okay. Right. I’m beat, you guys ready to come to bed with me?”
They agree easily and it’s not long before everyone is changed into their comfy clothes and tucked underneath the covers.
You lay in the middle of the bed, Ada on your left and Leon on your right. You lay facing Ada, your arm and leg thrown over her while Leon spoons you from behind. They make sure neither of them is crossing over the other, only touching you. 
Of course you’ve laid between them before, but never for the whole night. Once it’s time for bed, you usually go to sleep with one of them for one on one time. It’s always been the best way to maneuver the relationship and everyone is usually happy with that arrangement.
Tonight is a bit weird, but you’re happy to be with both of them. You’ve always liked the idea of something like this, but they’ve always wanted their alone time at night. It’s not like that’s the only time you can be alone with one of them. You’re alone with each of them often, but they’ll never have enough. Neither will you honestly.
Leon shifts his body slightly and you suddenly feel his full erection pressed against your ass.
“Leon,” you scold him, but he just chuckles.
“I’m sorry. I can’t help it. I’m not the only one who missed you, you know?”
“I know, I can feel it.”
He laughs again before the room falls back into comfortable silence.
But of course it’s not long before Leon is grinding his dick into you slowly. He’s trying to be discreet, but it’s obvious to everyone in the bed what he’s doing.
“Leon.”
This time it’s Ada who speaks up and scolds him. Her voice is stern and even has you going completely still.
“Oh please, Ada. You really gonna act like you’re not as desperate for her as I am? As if.”
“I’m not the one acting like a dog in heat right now.”
“First of all-“
You cut Leon off, “Guys seriously? That’s enough. There are three sexually frustrated people in one bed right now and I don’t think the best solution is tearing each other's heads off. Knock it off.”
Leon grinds his dick into you even harder.
“So you admit it too? You need this just as much as me. Come on baby, let me fix all of your problems. Let me fuck you to sleep.”
“For fucks sake.” Ada huffs out.
“Ada,” you whisper to her shyly. She turns her head towards you, your faces a mere inches apart. “I want you both so bad. I’ve been trying to sleep and just ignore it, but he’s teasing me and I can’t take it anymore.”
She whispers back, “Do you want me to go?”
“No, fuck no. I want you to stay. I want you both to stay. I’m desperate for you and him.”
Leon speaks up, “We can make it work. Take turns, whatever you’re comfortable with. I’ll stay out of your way when you need me to and you’ll stay out of mine. It’s been a long three weeks. Whatever the princess wants, she should get. Don’t you agree?” 
Leon’s hand grips your hip, pulling your ass back against his dick. You both make pathetic noises at such deep contact.
“Is that what you want? Both of us to share you right now?” Ada asks, her hand reaching out and cupping your cheek.
“Yes. I need it.”
That’s all it takes for Ada to press her lips into yours and slide her tongue along the seam of your mouth, asking for entrance. You oblige gladly and slip your tongue against hers, whining into the kiss as Leon continues to grind into you. 
You reach back in an attempt to touch Leon, but he swats your hand away. 
“Tonight is all about you, baby doll. Just focus on feeling good, we’ll take care of you.”
You whimper into Ada’s mouth at Leon’s words. You never considered yourself to be a strictly submissive person before the two of them, but now it’s undeniable—inevitable. You can’t manage to keep yourself from following their every command. You’ll fall to your knees for them before either even has to ask. 
Giving yourself over to them is easy. It’s what they’ll put your body through, the limits both of them are obsessed with pushing, that’s… not so easy. 
Every thrust of Leon’s hips against your ass pushes your pussy into Ada. Your body feels like it’s being teased from both sides and it’s driving you crazy. This little bit of friction already isn’t enough. You need more. More what? You’re not sure, but given the circumstances, you’re not at all feeling picky. 
Leon’s mouth is directly against your ear. “You want me to fuck you just like this? Wanna scream into your girlfriend's mouth while I pound you with my cock?”
You arch your back, pushing your ass firmly into his cock. “Please. Want it so bad.”
You’re already soaked. It’s been a long, miserable three weeks without being touched. Sure, you’d touch yourself when you needed it, but you won’t even attempt to convince yourself it’s at all the same thing. Nothing compares to their hands on you.
You’re so desperate, so lost in the attention you’re receiving that you don’t realize how you’ve been sucking on Ada’s tongue consistently until she laughs. 
Your eyes widen as a blush grows across your face. You try to pull your head back, but Ada is quick to pull your mouth back to hers. She kisses you deeply before her lips start to trail across your jaw, slowly approaching your neck.
Leon’s thumbs slip underneath the waistband of your pants. Your position is too awkward for you to lift your hips to help him. But Ada picks up on what he wants and helps lift your hips as he frees you of your pants and panties, all in one quick swipe. 
His fingers are instantly circling your clit and slipping between your folds.
“Fuck, you’re so wet for us.” He groans into your hair. “Ada, feel how wet our sweet girl is.”
Ada doesn’t hesitate as her fingers toy with you right alongside Leon’s. She bites into your shoulder at the feeling of your arousal coating her fingers, a quiet moan escaping her lips.
Leon grabs your leg and drapes it over Ada’s hips, opening up and exposing your cunt for him. Ada is quick to grip your hip and hold you in place for him.
Your clit is firmly pressed against her leg. The position is emphasizing the throbbing of your needy pussy and it has you whining out your wordless pleas. 
Ada and Leon are both very familiar with your noises. They know what you’re asking for without you having to speak it out loud.
“You want me to fuck you now? So impatient. Do you need it that bad? Need me to split you in half?”
You nod frantically, the seductive tone of his voice driving you mad. Neither one of them moves or makes an attempt to pleasure you.
“Yes. I want you to fuck me.” You finally find the words, them coming out more abrasive than intended. But they don’t mind, oh no, Ada smirks as Leon chuckles at your neediness.
“You heard her,” Ada finally speaks. She pulls her mouth away from your skin so she can get a good look at your face as Leon positions his cock at your entrance.
You’re desperately clinging to Ada, bracing yourself in anticipation of his thrusts. It’s been so long, you’re all in dire need of each other. You know he’s not going to hold back; you know his pace will be brutal and punishing and holy shit do you need it so bad. So fucking bad.
Your eyes roll back into your head as he pushes his cock slowly into you until he’s completely bottomed out. His balls are rubbing against Ada’s leg, but she makes no protests. She’s too focused and absolutely enthralled with the look on your fucked out face.
Leon only holds still for a few moments before he does exactly what you expected him to. He’s pounding your pussy like he’s trying to resuscitate you with his cock. Which is very contradicting to the way his thrusts are taking your breath away. 
You stare into Ada’s dark lust blown eyes as you struggle to keep yours open. Your eyelids flutter with each shock of pleasure coursing through your body.
The harder Leon fucks you into Ada, the more friction you gain on your clit from her thigh. You’re already so close, feeling your pussy clenching around Leon’s fat cock. 
“I can feel how close you are, baby. This tight little pussy is squeezing my cock so tight. You gonna milk me dry? Gonna let me fill this pussy with my come?”
With Leon’s words, Ada is instantly sliding her hand between your thighs and rubbing her fingers against your clit so fast you can barely stand the overwhelming feeling. It’s too much, way too fucking much, but it’s so fucking good. So good in fact-
“I’m coming! Oh fuck,” you whine out as pathetic moans pour from your mouth nonstop. Your nails are digging into Ada’s shoulders and you can’t stop it. You need something to hold onto as you shake and fall apart between them. 
Leon pulls out of you as Ada lays you on your back. You’re panting, head foggy from your orgasm.
Leon climbs back on top of you and thrusts is cock into your sloppy and sticky pussy. 
Your fingers cling to the sheets beneath you as your eyes search for Ada. You notice her back to you as she heads for the door.
“W-where are you going?” you squeak out, body overstimulated as Leon continues shoving his cock deep into your pussy. 
“Be right back,” Ada turns and looks at you, seeing the unsure look on your face. “I promise.” You nod at her and she exits the room.
You look up at Leon, finally looking at his face for the first time since he’s been inside you. 
“Hi,” he smiles at you.
“Hi.”
And he finally kisses you, way too softly compared to his aggressive thrusts. You wrap your arms around him, gripping him tightly. 
You get lost in the kiss, blissfully unaware of how much time has passed. Maybe 10 seconds, maybe 3 hours. All you know is you’ll never get enough of this. You could literally climb inside his body and live there and it still wouldn’t be enough.
“I’m gonna cream this pussy. Gonna stuff you full with my come. You’re gonna feel it as your girlfriend fucks you, knowing you belong to both of us. Got us both fucking pussy whipped. God, I could stay inside you forever, fuck. I’m coming, holy shit, I’m coming.”
Leon lets out a loud whine as he comes hard. You feel his come filling you up, just the way you like it. His cock is kicking and throbbing inside of you and you feel it all. You feel it against every sensitive spot inside of you. 
Leon finally pulls out of you and his come is instantly rushing out of you, pooling on the sheets beneath your ass cheeks.
“I knew you were gonna milk me dry. Now be a good girl for Ada and take everything she gives you, yeah?”
You furrow your eyebrows in confusion, before he lays down next to you. Behind him stands a naked Ada with a lubed up strap-on secured tightly to her hips.
You whine just looking at how big the toy is. It’s thicker and longer than Leon’s cock, which is already fucking huge. They’re trying to kill you and they’re going to succeed. They’re going to kill you.
“Come here, princess,” Leon pulls your back into his sweaty chest. He pulls your shirt over your head, exposing your braless chest for both of them to ogle at. 
He slowly eases your legs open, wrapping them around his. Every private piece of you is all on display for Ada and she couldn’t look more hypnotized if she tried. She’s good at keeping a stone face as she dominates you, but you love when she can’t hold back her amazement with you. When it consumes her and there’s no hiding it.
She snaps back to reality and makes her way between your legs. Your hands shoot to Leon’s hips, bracing yourself again to be fucked raw. 
“Tell her you want it, princess. Be a good girl and tell her exactly what you want.” Leon instructs you as Ada rubs the lube around on the toy. 
“I… I want you to fuck me with your cock, mommy. I wanna be a good girl and come all over it for you. Can I please take mommy’s cock?” you plead and feel Leon’s cock go semi hard at your words.
“Fuck, you’re making me hard again. Look at what you do to us. You're goddamn perfect.”
You look up at Ada and she nods in agreement with Leon’s words before lining the toy up with your hole.
“Take a deep breath for me,” Ada instructs and you comply immediately. You suck in a large breath of air and hold it for a few seconds before releasing it. And as you breathe out, Ada shoves her cock all the way into you.
You scream out as your back arches into her body. Your hands leave Leon and immediately cling to Ada’s hips as she slowly, but deeply fucks you.
“Mommy, fuck. That feels so good. Oh god, I’m already close,” you whine out, holding back tears. 
“Hold it. Don’t come until I tell you to.” 
She knows what telling you to wait does to you. You fight it hard, not letting her words push you over the edge. You’ll be a good girl. You’ll let her fuck you until she’s satisfied and then she’ll let you come all over her. But fuck, it’s so hard. Your pussy is instinctively clenching around her, trying to keep her cock as deep inside of you as it can go.
You throw your head back and pathetically whine into Leon’s neck. He rubs soothing circles into your belly as Ada presses her forehead into yours. Your whole body is shaking with the need to come, threatening to combust and erase you from existence completely. 
Ada picks up the pace slowly at first, easing you into it, but it doesn’t last long. She can’t hold herself back anymore and soon she’s fucking into you brutally. 
You can’t hold back the noises constantly leaving your mouth. Between whining, moaning, panting, and incoherently babbling, you at some point start crying. Tears are streaming down your face as every muscle in your body trembles.
“Doing such a good job,” Leon praises you, lips against your hair.
“Mmm-mommy,” your voice is pleading.
“I think you deserve your reward. What do you think, Leon?” Ada questions. 
He doesn’t respond with words, but rather brings his fingers to your swollen, dripping clit. He doesn’t have to move them. All he does is apply firm pressure and your clit throbbing against his fingers sends you over the edge.
You’re screaming and shaking and quivering and crying and you can’t stop. Your body has imploded into a supernova of pure pleasure. You never want to come down, but at the same time, the ecstasy is teetering on a fine line of pain and pleasure.
Ada’s thrusts finally stop and Leon takes his fingers off of you. Your vision is blurry and your body is numb.
It takes a few minutes for you to come back down to earth, but when you do, you realize Ada and Leon are just staring at you. Almost in awe–almost in complete wonder.
“Has she ever done that for you?” Leon asks Ada.
“Nope.”
“Me either.”
You cut in breathlessly, “What?”
Leon grips your chin and forces you to look between your legs at the absolute mess on your thighs and sheets. Even Ada and Leon’s thighs are soaked and it dawns on you what happened.
“Oh god,” you gasp in embarrassment. You try to shut your legs, but the two of them work together to keep them open. 
“Are you embarrassed?” Leon teases and you refuse to look either of them in the eyes.
“You’re so perfect,” Ada praises as she massages your thighs, causing you to whine at the contact. 
Squirting, something you believed you weren’t capable of doing, didn’t just happen in front of one of them, but both of them. You’ll never live this down. 
“Fuck, I need you again. Get on your hands and knees for me.” Leon demands, but no one moves. You’re too embarrassed and Ada’s still too shocked to respond. 
“Ada,” Leon gets her attention. “A little help here?”
She nods as she removes the toy from her hips, tossing it somewhere to the side. She gets out from between your legs and sits up against the headboard. She pulls and Leon pushes you towards her, positioning you with your face between her thighs and ass up in the air for Leon.
“You wanna eat mommy’s pussy while he breeds your pussy again, sweet girl?” Ada speaks and her filthy words have you whimpering. Ada doesn’t always participate in dirty talk, so when she does it’s a special occasion. You could never say no to her when she asks so nicely.
You nod frantically before bringing your face to her wet cunt. You gently stroke her with the tip of your tongue and she bites her lip, holding eye contact with you. 
You continue to tease her, but your face falls fully against her as Leon presses into you again. Your thighs are already quivering and you have no idea how you’ll survive taking him again.
Ada runs her fingers through your hair, “Just focus on me, love. You’re doing so well.”
The praise has you sucking her harshly and squeezing your eyes tightly. You wanted to be used and fucked like this and you’ll be damned if you tap out now. You can take, you know you can, so you fucking will. Even if it does kill you.
But after a few minutes of Leon’s thrusts and the taste of Ada on your tongue, your brain turns to mush again. All you can do is lol your tongue out of your mouth as Ada grinds against it, chasing her long awaited high. 
With the way Ada’s thighs tremble and Leon’s thrusts become sloppy, you know they’re both close and you’re desperate for them to come.
You somehow find the strength to suck on Ada again as she grinds into your face and clench around Leon at the same time. When they both cry out at the same time, you know you’ve done it.
Ada’s thighs squeeze around your head, holding you tightly in place as you feel Leon fill you with his come again. You’re exhausted and once Ada releases your head, you fall face first into the sheets.
Ada and Leon share a look, before Leon raises both his hands for a high five. Ada cocks her eyebrow before shaking her head, actually giving him high fives. Leon smiles like an idiot at successfully getting Ada to go along with his antics.
Leon pulls out of you and you immediately collapse, curling yourself into a fetal position on your side. Soft snores leave your lips and they both hold back their laughs. 
“I guess I don’t mind sharing as much as I used to,” Leon whispers to Ada.
“Me too.” 
~masterlist~
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dreambunnynotes · 7 months
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my current glow up goals!
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in order to grow and improve it is essential to have clear and easy-to-maintain goals! after a lot of procrastinating thinking i have finally narrowed down my main glow up goals so that i have something tangible to work towards. i have also written down the necessary tasks to accomplish these goals so that i can return to them whenever i feel stuck or demotivated.
1.) appearance and confidence:
one of my biggest glow up goals is to become confident in my appearance! i have never consistently felt good about the way that i look and i know that there are many lovely steps i can take to change this. i want to learn how to love myself and put in the work to show my body and face that i love them! ♥︎
shower + wash hair every morning to start the day off confidently
maintain a skincare routine that works for my skin
save up money to build a wardrobe that i love and feel confident in
learn pilates to improve my core strength and fix my posture
work out 3x a week and get to my preferred weight
put on makeup every day and learn what looks best on me
stretch every morning and night so that my body feels healthy
2.) studying and career:
having a career in something that i adore is absolute essential to me. i would ideally like to manifest financial freedom so that i can spend my days helping people through lifestyle blogging, coaching, and art creation under a trauma-informed/LOA/nondualist lens. i would also love to be a renowned musician who works with my absolute favourite artists in their projects, and be beloved in my music community. my main tasks in this category are studying guitar and piano to become the musician i know that i can be (which will be the "studyblr" part of my blog, and i'm so excited to figure out how i will track my progress with this)! i will also be focusing on manifesting financial abundance so that i can go to school for art therapy, which involves developing proper saving / spending habits until that sweet, sweet windfall of money comes in hehe ♥︎
practice guitar for at least an hour a day to start, and build this up to at least 4 hours a day once my guitar goals are more refined
practice piano for at least an hour a day, working on the same songs i am learning on guitar and working on technique
develop healthy spending habits until i have an abundance of money; focus on repaying my debts and saving for school
find a way to make more money in a way that is super enjoyable for me until i am able to manifest financial freedom
maintain a consistent manifesting routine and self-concept so that i can truly live my dream life and have my dream career!
3.) mental health and wellness:
it is sooo important to me to use my time in ways that are actually fulfilling and enriching. to become my dream girl, i must get rid of mindless activities and replace them with joyful and expansive hobbies and projects. i also must fix my sleep schedule to make sure i am getting enough rest, and learn how to overcome isolation through making new friends and nurturing the ones that i have! ♥︎
replace mindless scrolling with enriching activities and hobbies that i actually enjoy; create a meaningful + exciting list of projects
maintain a consistent sleep schedule and make sure i am getting at least 8 hours of sleep each night until my body adjusts
create a friend group that makes me feel loved and supported; nurture my relationships and nurture myself with socializing
get my drivers license so that i don't have to waste time on public transit anymore!
4.) self concept and self love:
deep down i know that i am worthy of good love, good friends, and an abundance of success and praise. however, it's time that i really internalize those feelings and learn to love myself the way that i deserve by changing my feelings of shame into feelings of love and compassion! ♥︎
journal about my feelings more consistently so that i can work through the shame and guilt spirals that come from RSD
learn more about "parts work" and "internal family systems" so that i can create a lovely library of all my beautiful parts, building them a home that they all feel safe in and where i have easy access to resources when i need them
learn how to be my vibrant and beautiful self around everyone without fear and without compromising my needs, so that i can figure out who i actually enjoy spending time with
continue practicing listening to my body, heart, and mind when something or someone doesn't feel right or safe for me
follow through on my goals and routines and adjust them when necessary so that i can build trust in myself that i can accomplish anything that i put my mind to!
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thank you for reading lovely friends, i am so grateful for your encouragement and support and i can't wait to make you proud! hehe. if you have similar goals and want an accountability buddy, please feel free to dm me and we can encourage each other to do our best! love you lots and believe in you so, so much ♥︎
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onlyseokmins · 1 year
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a tiger's dominion [2] • k.s.y.
"Some days you tame the tiger, and some days the tiger has you for lunch."
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Pairing: kwon soonyoung x afab!reader Genres: porn with PLOT (minors dni!), camstars!au, university!au, best friends/idiots!au, goofy comedy, cheesy fluff, and angst Warnings: cam shows and camera sex obv, swearing, me thinking I'm funny, sex toys, alcohol, food, gym/exercises (reader works out), innuendos, perv behavior from everyone ngl, boob obsession, switch!Hoshi and reader, light-hearted threats, denial of feelings and lots of advice, subpar communication, spicy shower time, insecurity, lots of pet names, mentions of dacryphilia, fingering (fem. receiving), nipple pinching/pulling, slapping, spanking, crying after sex bc it feels good, lil bit of pain/temp play, multiple orgasms, grinding, dry (wet) humping, thigh riding, slight ab riding, face-sitting, slight punishment (?), nasty and messy 69, marking, slight possession, titty job, squirting, spit play, cum-eating, and it's just WET MESSY SEX FILTHY GRRR with a touch of sleepy after-care WC: 21.3k A/N: finally!!!!!!!!!!! the long awaited part 2!! this is such a huge labor of love for me despite the many hurdles, i am so proud and happy to post it finally! i would like to give a huge thank you to @duhnova and @onlymingyus for doing the big deed of beta'ing for me. without their help this would be an even worse mess ajdkfs <3 so so appreciated and a big thank you to the anons, readers, and kind blogs that left so many nice tags on the first part, i hope you enjoy the continuation just as much and look forward to the finale!!
➯ a tiger's dominion ◇ [teaser] ◇ [part 1]
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Seokmin's a safe bet. 
He's clumsy, awkward, and kind of weird enough to distract people from the fact that he is absurdly handsome and his endearing nature easily melts everyone's heart. You like Seokmin a lot, you really do. 
Plus, he's a taken man, and that makes it even better for him to be the one to drive you out to the repair shop. The same one that he was ever so kind in recommending to help you save money.
Seokmin's best boi.
But you kind of wish he would shut up.
"You're telling me that the guy you've had the hots for — mind you, for eons — admits to jerking off to your sexy videos… and all you say in response is 'great'?" 
You cross your arms in defense, thankful the car's stopped at a red light when he throws his hands up in the air in disbelief. "What was I supposed to say? And it has not been eons."
"As long as I've known you, you've liked him. And that has been many, many, many years."
"We've been friends for a little over two, Seok. Besides… it's not like I 'like' him like that entirely."
Lee Seokmin. Better known to some as Dokyeom or DK. He's a fan-favorite and still rated number one on Svthub's audio porn section despite the sudden "retirement" announcement a couple of months ago. You're more familiar with the joint viewer account he shares with his girlfriend though — deathbyd1cks — and the expensive gifts they love to send.
They taught you a lot about the streaming world. The do's-and-don'ts. How to gain and maintain viewership, safety, and money. You hadn't expected to end up with mentors (turned sugar daddy and mommy, let's be honest) when you'd messaged his girlfriend — who was single at the time — for advice. Neither had you anticipated being the leading factor in pushing them to confess their feelings for one another. 
Nor could you have guessed they were locals attending the downtown city's university, not too far from your own. But here you were and boy — were you grateful to them. Because they were now dear friends. Although you saw Seokmin in person a lot more than you were able to see his girlfriend lately, as his schedule this semester was much freer than hers. Hence why he was the solo figure driving you out today.
"I can't wait to watch this stream," Seokmin mumbles as he excitedly taps his fingers against the steering wheel. "If you're already super dick-drunk now, imagine what's gonna happen when the real thing's in front of you. I'm tingling!"
You scowl. "Why are you more excited about this than I am? And I am not dick-drunk!"
"Because you're gonna see his dick — that you're totally drooling over — in the flesh… speaking of which, you're both all tested and clean, right?"
"It's not like I don't already know about ninety percent of his sexscapades as it is." You roll your eyes at the reproachful tone he uses when saying your name. "Yes, of course, he sent me his latest results and everything's fine. And you already know about me."
You hear him hum in agreement. His girlfriend really likes you — so much that she even offered to invite you to become part of a potential threesome. Not even for a camera act but out of pure (as pure as you can get with that kind of request) intent. 
Of course, you declined though. As much as you loved them and were flattered by becoming somewhat of their sugar baby, you had rather strict rules on engaging in any sexual activities with your friends. Or anyone for that matter. Regardless of how tempting. 
Until now.
Your head thumps against the headrest of the seat. "Why the fuck am I doing this to myself?"
"Doesn't have to be this agonizing. From the vibes I'm getting, he's into you. Definitely thinks you're attractive."
"This isn't some fanfic where the best friends fuck and there's this grand reveal that they've had mutual feelings for one another all this time."
"You don't know that."
"Don't make me question reality, Seokmin — my problems are real and there's no way there's some silly little author out there with their evil mind deliberately making me go through all this shit."
His shoulders reach his ears as he shrugs. "Maybe we're all just some god's little playthings in the grand scheme of the universe."
"You're literally so irritating when you get philosophical and ambiguous. Revoking your friend rights." When he simply snickers, unaffected by your empty threats, all you can do is shake your head. "I don't want to go off of vibes. And I don't want him only liking my body. I know, I know — as cliche as that sounds, you've got to understand where I'm coming from."
"You want his heart."
You purse your lips as the autobody shop comes into view. "I actually… don't want anything. It's better for everyone that way. Besides, he still has that date this week."
"Ouch," Seokmin winces at that as you get out. Rolling down the window, he calls out to you. "Still rooting for the best outcome, though. You know we've always got your back no matter what!"
A fake smile and thumbs-ups are all he gets before you wave goodbye. Once the car has disappeared down the gravel road, you turn and approach the open garage door. Jeon's Repairs looks like something out of a horror film. A creaky building covered in dust and located out in the middle of nowhere. 
Maybe if you were murdered out here, it would be better. But you know that's not going to happen.
"Hello?"
"Hiiii!!!!!"
It's just as much of a shock as the first time when you see the six-foot-two mechanic wave energetically as he stands up to full height next to the open car hood he was bent over. A thin, white wife-beater is barely able to properly cover his large chest muscles. The minuscule shirt is basically ruined from oil spills coating it, the shiny amounts of perspiration from the hard manual labor he performs, and various upper body sinew bulging as he moves.
"Hey, Mingyu. How're you?"
He sweeps back the curly bangs that fell out of his man bun and shoots you a dazzling smile. "Right as rain, like always, Sugar. Your car is too. Fixed 'er up and she's runnin' like brand-spankin' new! You'll be ridin' a beast in the streets for sure."
Mingyu's a funny guy. You already like him and this is only the second time you've met. That's why you can't help but tease him back with a mischievous smile. 
"How do you know my car's a girl?"
"Ah," he walks over to the stall where your car sits and you follow, eyebrows raising at the affectionate slap he gives to its side before leaning against the front, thick and muscular arms crossed. "'Cause I know my way best around the ladies. Always get them makin' the prettiest noises for me jus' right."
"Don't let him lie to ya, sweet stuff." The new tone you hadn't heard the last visit makes your eyes widen at the new visitor's entrance. Long legs on perfect display with short denim shorts and a white tank somehow even scantier than Mingyu's. They send you a saucy wink. "Why don'tcha tell the truth 'stead of bein' a creep, Gyu?"
"Sorry, Bun." When Mingyu grins this time, it's all teeth. "Not tryna steal your thunder or anythin'."
"'sides, if anyone knows their way 'round women, ya know who's best 'tween us."
"Although it's true Bunny is our star mechanic and a star at… other things, you're embarrassing me." The door to the office opens and the man in charge steps out, peeking at all of you with a stern gaze over his wire-rimmed glasses. "I apologize for their antics, it's a pleasure to see you again."
He greets you formally with a handshake that you return. "The pleasure's all mine, Mr. Jeon."
"Wonwoo is fine, 'Mr. Jeon' sounds like you're addressing my father."
"Wonwoo it is then. You can call me by my first name as well and please, it doesn't bother me whatsoever, my good friend is much worse, I assure you."
"Gyu said you're friends with MinMin."
"Uh, Seok… min? Yeah, he spoke highly of here."
"He's always been such a good boy." You would wholeheartedly agree but the way they say it almost hints at something else. "Dare I say it's a shame he's now hitched. Or prolly soon to be."
"Hey," Wonwoo calls their name warningly even as he's busy cross-checking your total but they don't pay him any mind. "Seok told us — "
Nor to Mingyu who is elbowing them not so discreetly in the side. "He also told us not to — "
"We're streamers!" they exclaim excitedly, interrupting both men. "Well… we were. Kinda hard to set shit up when yer out here fuckin' like — haha, bunnies all the time, ya know?"
The boss now refuses to look up from the papers he's writing but his partners' two pairs of sparkly eyes with matching, mischievous grins beam at you. Your cheeks burn at their openness but you do smile back.
"I see."
Flawless (despite the grimy work conditions) French manicured nails tap excitedly along your wrist before pulling you in close. "Don't worry, Seokminnie didn't say anythin' but ya know how ya can tell when he knows somethin'? So, we did some deducin' and detectin'. And we're sooooo excited for yer collab!"
"Ah, thank you? I didn't know I had such... enthusiastic supporters here."
"Friends can always be found in the most unsuspectin' of places!"
"Truly, um… I hope you didn't give me a discount or something just because of that." 
You chew on your lip out of concern because your car looks polished like brand new and you're sure it'll run great — even better — as Mingyu declared. All of that for the price deducted from your bank account almost seems unfair to them. In fact, you could return most of the sum Soonyoung had given you, perhaps rendering the collab null.
Except he'd already made an announcement on the forum page and then accidentally locked himself out of his account for forty-eight hours. And the post is still up for a ton of people to see and share around the community. Your notifications are blowing up — some in excitement, others jealous — but all in anticipation. Evident from the fact that the people way out here in the countryside with spotty internet knew about it.
And you hated letting people down. Or thinking you chickened out. 
Wonwoo finally unfreezes to refute and shakes his head adamantly. "No, our pricing is standard as always so please don't worry about any illegal or favorable treatment."
"Good, 'cause I don't think I can afford to go to court," you laugh. 
"It's only fun if yer on a reality TV show, hon. We don't intend to go to court unless we're on one 'n it's guaranteed we can win the case."
"Remind me to never get on your bad side, then."
"Oh, sweetheart — all I have are good sides." They turn in place, swaying and showing off the best parts of their assets. 
Mingyu wolf-whistles while you clap along politely and Wonwoo takes that opportunity to sidle up to you, returning your credit card, keys, and receipt. You thank him and he nods, subtly gesturing to follow him outside.
"It was a pleasure doing business with you. Hopefully, you'll consider coming back again if you need any more fixer-uppers. As long as the crew didn't scare you away."
"They didn't, I think they're lovely."
He regrettably looks over his shoulder and you peek along. Trying your hardest not to laugh at the scene of Mingyu having whipped out an expensive camera from who-knows-where and is now snapping shots of their partner dancing.
"Yeah, they are. They just get really excited meeting new people, especially fellow streamers."
"So, it's true, you used to stream?"
A wicked smile is shot your way. "Sure did. But watching is just as fun, if not more. Especially with folks as excitable as them."
"Oh, I'm sure you get into lots of trouble."
"You couldn't even imagine." 
"I can't." 
Wonwoo clears his throat after that comment. It's not surprising that he's good at picking up on things and reading the room. A nice expectation when you're in any type of relationship, especially given his shared dynamic. After a drawn-out goodbye with the lively throuple, you finally slide into the driver's seat of your car to leave.
The ride back to the city in relative silence allows your thoughts to wander. It's true. You couldn't imagine such a relationship filled with laughter, trust, and positivity. Now you're sure it wasn't perfect, obviously. But that's probably where a good amount of open, clear communication helps fix whatever issues arise.
It seems like something out of a fairy tale. Just as you told Seokmin, a fanfiction plot built to accommodate its main characters and their perfect story. 
You're not sure what role you're destined to live out and honestly, you don't care. You're goofy, impulsive, damaged, insane, and doing the best you can. That should be enough in this wretched world, right?
Although you decide it's not enough for you personally and make the split-second decision at the stoplight to pull into the parking lot of Limbo. Your favorite supply shop for some much-needed stress relief and serotonin boost.
"Welcome to Limbo, where our prices are as low as they go, and our products will — oh, heya!"
"Hey, Jun."
The welcoming slogan is always cut short when Junhui's on the clock and you walk inside. As the owner, he's all too familiar doing business with you. He might even consider the two of you as more than acquaintances. Friends maybe. Dropping the customer service routine, the attractive blonde smirks at you with raised eyebrows and leans against the counter.
"And what can I do for my favorite customer?"
"It's not good to play favorites."
"Who says I'm playing?"
You roll your eyes. "As the biggest playboy I've ever met, when are you not?"
"Touché," he laughs and quickly stops the fake flirtatious act. "Honored to be pulling more bitches than your furry 'boy friend'."
"I don't have a dog so you have to be talking about… why is everyone bringing him up today? You know he's not my boyfriend!"
"Because someone tends not to realize how much they overshare and don't worry, dearest. I know that foolish boy hasn't made a move on you yet, hence the air quotes. Shame on him."
"Don't talk about it," you mumble, "and he's not a furry. He genuinely thinks he's a tiger. Maybe that's how he's able to pull new dates out of his ass all of the time without a tail plugging it." When Junhui erupts into more manic laughter, you cross your arms. "Just tell me what you've got new in stock, please. It's the only reason I'm here."
"Of course, of course. Let's see — ah, do you know how revolutionary this is?"
You dubiously eye the large cardboard box he pulls out and starts waving around. "A… card game?"
"Bingo," he snaps his fingers, "except a hundred times better. It demonstrates the best way to find the clit through an interactive and compelling game!"
"Why are you showing me this? I know where the clit is."
"Congratulations! But not everyone does, do you think your friend can find it? Maybe you can buy it for him."
"How are you still in business, your sales pitch is terrible," you complain with half a mind to strangle said salesman right then and there. Your eyes drift over to what's behind him on the wall, eyes widening with the ideas suddenly flowing through your head.
"I thought we were besties, I just wanted to show off goods that aren't attached to my body." Junhui pouts, albeit good-naturedly but you're not paying attention anymore — despite his next words. "Perhaps, you can be the one to educate him."
When you don't respond sardonically as expected, he follows your zoned-out gaze with a questioning brow raised. Meanwhile, Mingyu and Wonwoo's partner's kind words before you'd left play over in your mind.
"First non-solo stream, eh?"
"Oh, um. Yeah."
"A word of unsolicited advice, darlin'? Enjoy yourself. Make it fun. The feelin's can figure themselves out after, yeah?"
After you'd assured them their advice was very much welcomed and that you appreciated another steadfast supporter you know in-person, you'd exchanged numbers. Now, their final parting words before driving off echo in your ears like a haunting siren's call. Bidding you to do its will. Your neck heats up, remembering their mischievous smirk and saucy wink. 
"I didn't peg you for someone into collars and leashes."
You're snapped out of your hazy thoughts. "Well, don't because you so aren't. Ever."
"Yeah, yeah. Well, I would have thought you were someone who'd prefer these more," Junhui snickers wickedly, an atrocious set of fuzzy pink handcuffs he'd pulled out from under the counter dangling off his pointer finger. "A more hands-off, no touching approach."
The vision that scandalously pops into your mind is quickly dispelled. Banished even. So you refute by lying and saying, "It's not cuffing season."
"Oh, you're down bad. So bad." He shrugs. "Think of it as a bonus then." You watch in mild horror as he also throws them in a plastic bag. "I'll even give them to you free of charge. So, what color do you think will compliment your boy toy best?"
"He's not my — " You close your eyes, taking a deep breath and trying again not to think too hard. "Any will do. Just give me black… oh, and that too."
A wolf whistle. "Someone's in for a treat. Or trick. Something."
"I will literally cry if you say another unnecessary comment."
"Luckily for you, dacryphilia isn't really my thing. Yet."
"Oh my god!"
"All I'm saying is, this'll be some good shit." 
"Do not — and I repeat, do fucking not — make me commit murder in broad daylight, Jun."
"Alright, alright," he holds his hands up in surrender, biting back the endless jokes and puns that always threaten to roll off of his tongue. Instead, he changes the subject to something you're less likely to kill him over. "If things get boring, tedious, heart-wrenching — text me. I can set you up for some decent mixers!"
"By my stupid luck, you'll be the only one who shows up."
"If you wanted to date me so bad, all you had to do was ask." He takes the credit card from your iron grip and swipes it with ease while batting his eyelashes at you. "Tempting but no thanks, darling. Though trust me when I say I have tons of acquaintances who know how to have a good time. And get down and dirty if you'd like."
"I don't even want to date you but… I'll think about those mixers," you concede and grab your purchases. Given the nature of his job, it's obvious he has all kinds of connections. "See you around."
When the little chime marks your farewell and you step back outside, you're not sure how much of a stress reliever that even was. The back of your head hits the headrest of the seat with a defeated thump once you're inside your car.
Damnit, Junhui!
Peeking inside the bag with a grimace, you toss it onto the passenger's side. What were you even thinking? The buzz of a phone halts you. The name belonging to the very bane of your existence flashes across the screen.
"Hello?" It's silent. The line crackles and you think he might have just butt-dialed you until a desperate call of your name comes through via a different but not unfamiliar voice. "Oh, hi there, Chan. Please don't tell me a certain someone's in trouble."
"I'm so sorry to bother you but… yes. He's um… very, very, very intoxicated." 
You glance at the clock on your dash with a frown. "At this hour?"
"We went out for a lunch break and he ordered a drink. Maybe two…"
"Oh, no. Why? He knows he can't handle liquor at all, especially at restaurants and bars."
"Like it was great to go out for a good time since he's seemed out of it. And we did try to stop him but…"
"You're not his babysitter."
"Yeah." You both fall silent. You're mentally cursing Soonyoung for embarrassing himself in front of his junior dance team. As their captain, no less. At least Chan had experienced this too many times. Unfortunately. "Um, and… he won't stop talking about you so… I thought the next best bet was to call you."
Your blood runs cold. "Is he saying weird things?"
"N-no… of course, not! You know how he gets."
Soonyoung's more of an emotional, lovey-dovey drunk than a secret spiller but maybe you have too much faith in him, judging by Chan's rushed and uncertain response.
"Yeah, I do," you sigh, "where are you?"
"We were at his place and tried to get him to go inside but," — "no, stop trying to kiss me!", someone in the background shouts in protest — "um, sorry but anyways, he keeps insisting to come see you. And none of us knew if you were home or not."
You can hear the drunken slur of your name clearer now and assume Soonyoung is getting all up in Chan's business while he's on the phone. Possibly to say hello to you. 
"I'm out right now —  "
"Oh oops, sorry! I'll try and get him to calm down — "
"Wait, so you're at his place?" you rush to ask after he accidentally cut you off. 
"Well," he lowers his voice as best he can, "we're just driving around with the excuse that he'll think we're taking him to see you." 
"Okay." Glancing around the parking lot you're in, you know you would die before admitting to the young, up-and-coming dance crew member that you were anywhere near a sex toy store. "How about we meet at my place? I'll be back home in about fifteen?"
He agrees readily, apologizing once more with a guilty tone at having to bother you. Soonyoung being a chaotic drunk doesn't occur as often as one might think but when it does happen — it's always an experience to remember. And somehow you and Chan always seem to be the victims of circumstance when shit goes down.
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"I'm… I'm really sorry about this."
"Don't be. If there's anyone that has to apologize, it should be the one that caused the situation in the first place." You attempt to lessen the intensity of your glare when facing the younger man. "Unfortunately, that will have to be after he sobers up."
Chan shuffles his feet, cheeks dusting a light pink because he's not sure where exactly to look. After dragging his senior's body out of the car when he'd arrived at your place and then lugging him up to the door, the inebriated man completely melted right onto you and is now intimately nuzzling at the crook of your neck. All while you remain expressionless, arms crossed above Soonyoung's that embrace you.
Something gnaws at the young man, telling him that this is a bad idea. "Um, are you sure you don't want me to take him back? Drive around a few blocks before he passes out?"
"Wasting more gas in this economy? Don't worry about it… besides, he doesn't deserve to wake up by himself with the sun shining through his window and birds singing now, does he?" Your rather menacing tone causes Chan to instinctively step back to leave until you blurt out, "Oh wait!"
"Yeah?"
"You said that this buffoon kept talking about me, right? What kinds of things did he say this time? Y'know, wanna make sure it wasn't slander or something gross."
Being buried six feet under would be much better than ratting out his mentor or becoming the victim of your misplaced wrath. "Ummm… he said you have pretty… eyes, yeah! Pretty eyes!" When you blink them once — twice — Chan uses that as his cue to escape with a rushed "See ya!", taking two steps at a time to scramble back in the car with his friends.
Pretty eyes, my ass, you think to yourself and glower at the man clinging helplessly to your side.
Slamming the door shut a little too harshly causes Soonyoung to flinch and nestle impossibly closer to you. His clumsy hands knead the skin below your breasts, innocently inching a little too high for comfort. Gripping at the strands on the back of his head, you tug him away only to grimace at the inappropriate moan that escapes his mouth.
"Shut up."
"I… said nothin'?"
"Yeah, well. I've heard enough already," you snap and urge him forward until he topples onto the couch headfirst. "What's got you acting up like this?"
His eyes have stayed squinted this whole time even in the dim area of your living space, a perpetual frown on his puffy red face. It's cute even if he looks like he might cry. Although a closer glance and being all too familiar with his drunken habits, you think he might actually be on the brink of tears.
"…me."
"Hm?"
"You been… 'voiding me."
"No, I haven't."
"'course, that's what you think."
"I've been busy."
"'s what you always say."
"Do not," you argue. As a point, you stare directly into what you can see of his dilated pupils only inches away from those pursed lips of his to fluff the pillow on his right. "Had to pick up my car and everything. It hasn't been that long since you've seen me."
"No texts?"
"I'm not on my phone twenty-four-seven."
"Liar. Going without me."
"You wouldn't have even known where the place was. It was in the middle of nowhere and recced by a friend."
"You have friends?"
You sigh in defeat. "Yes, I do, Soonyoung. Whatever, it's not like you're comprehending or going to remember any of this anyways."
"I will."
"Yeah? What's two times two?"
"… Twenty-two!"
You nudge him over in exasperation and he falls down on his side, head perfectly landing on the pillow you propped up while he lets out a heavy sigh that you echo. "Sleep tight, dumbass."
Throwing a blanket around the lower half of his body, you know his tolerance has improved enough that he won't make a mess of the furniture. Shaking your head — albeit fondly — you head inside your room for the evening. Later on, lulled into a dreamless sleep by the even-tempo snores of your best friend.
Drunk Soonyoung is a deep sleeper — easily knocked out for more than twelve hours. 
By the time he's come to, he's slept through you waking up early, fussing in the kitchen, starting laundry, and stumbling around looking for your shoes before leaving (you needed to get out before you grew too soft over seeing him asleep on your couch). You don't even bother to keep quiet, knowing the man won't stir until his body has detoxed all the alcohol out of his bloodstream.
He's a little upset to find you gone, the living quarters noticeably a bit chilly without someone else — you — in it. Though a sheepish smile lights up his face after seeing medicine and a glass of water on the table. Plus, the usual post-it note with a frowny face scribbled on it that you left for him.
Like it's a habit, his fingers slide across his phone screen rather efficiently to speed-dial your number, smiling at the profile picture he chose. A candid picture of you laughing so hard at his funny antics you didn't hear the shutter clicking. Sometimes being bad at using technology works to his advantage.
"Morning, how's the hangover?"
"Barely feel a thing, must be the magical fairy dust you sprinkled over me."
You make a disgruntled noise before playfully asking, "Four times four?"
"… is sixteen. Whatever I said last night you cannot and will not hold against me, okay?"
"Sure."
He notes your noncommittal response. It's strange when you'd normally fire back at him. Rhythmic pounding noises thud in the background, and if he holds his breath to listen closely — he swears you're panting.
"What're you up to?"
"Workout. Treadmill."
Soonyoung blinks. 
Forbidden thoughts of your pretty tits and ass deliciously bouncing in time as you jog flood his mind. Licking his lips, the imagery turns to you bouncing on something else. Like his cock, for example, that's already starting to swell and stiffen up at the thought. His attractive best friend panting hungrily for him instead of in the gym. Exactly as when you squirted all over that pathetic vibrator of yours.
You're a goddamn perv, he chastises himself. 
Groaning as quietly as possible, he clears his throat. "You're not a fan of exercise routines. At least, you've always hated mine."
"Yours are stupid, insanely hard. A friend of mine said to keep fit, you know — to look nice for that."
"Friend? What kind of friend says shit like that?" You're reminded of his question last night but he continues on with sudden passion. "You're already pretty just the way you are!"
"Mhm-hm, and what exactly about me do you think is pretty?"
Heat burns on Soonyoung's neck, traveling upwards to set his cheeks aflame. There's no way you know what he's picturing right now. Banishing those scandalous ideas far, far, far away (for later maybe), he scrambles to answer. 
"Your… your… eyes!"
He's not sure what he's expecting but it's certainly not a scoff of disbelief coming out of his phone's speaker. Only the wall you're facing can see how hard those very eyes roll.
"Lies. All men do is lie."
Before he can ask you to elaborate, a male voice he can't make out nor identify takes your attention away. Soonyoung frowns, eyebrows furrowing in perplexity at your amicable, "Be right there," before you bid your friend a rather miffed goodbye. 
"Please lock the door when you leave."
"I can't stay?"
"… Just don't destroy anything."
A toothy grin emerges on his face as he thinks back to where you told him the spare key was. "I wouldn't dream of it, babe."
"Uh-huh. 'kay, bye."
"Bye!" The suddenly smug man hangs up. Donning a smirk on his face for no audience to see, one that Jihoon would shake his head and say his roommate must be up to no good.
Well. If you're going to do a workout with some other guy just because his routine is too intense — in more ways than he could ever know — Soonyoung's going to have to show you what you're missing out on.
Meanwhile, a chill runs down your spine. Puzzled, you pat at the sweat glistening on your forehead, neck, and back with the towel looped over your shoulder as you cool down. Turning off the treadmill, you join Seokmin on the large floor mat where he's attempting to stretch but has given up in pursuit of draping his body over a stability ball.
"What are you doing?"
"Becoming one with the ball."
You snort. "Is it working?"
"Yes." Turning his head, sparkling eyes stare up at you. "The universe has spoken to me and told me that was your special tiger boy. Does he miss you? Long for you?"
"There's a twenty-five-pound weight next to your girlfriend's foot. Don't make me go get it and throw it at your head."
He whines out to said partner about how mean you're being to him, only receiving delighted laughter as meager consolation in return. Setting down the heavy bar, she swings her legs off the bench and saunters over. Wrapping an arm around your shoulders, a bejeweled eyebrow raises at how Seokmin forlornly rolls across the floor before he drops the act to grin at her knowingly.
"I don't like the look you two are sharing."
"Relax, sweets. When have we ever done something bad?"
"Do you want the evidence mailed or faxed by the time I gather up all the receipts?"
"You're so funny and cute," she coos, fiddling innocently with your workout bra strap. 
"And you both are insane. Lovely. But insane."
"I promise it's nothing crazy, right Seok baby?"
"Yeah, it's really tame. Nothing big either."
You shake your head. "So, it's not another extra, extra large-sized vibrator? 'Cause I was told that wasn't big either."
More bubbly giggles fill the empty gym. "How 'bout we grab some food on our way out and we'll share the deets?"
"I suppose so, could definitely use a cold drink now."
"A drink? At this time?" Seokmin teases as you search for your cover-up hoodie and zip it up. He'd wrangled all the details out of you this morning about last night's events while you helped spot him on the chest press. "Was taking care of your tiger boy really that bad?"
"… How you haven't broken his perfectly shaped nose yet is beyond me."
"'cause he's adorable. And frankly, dearest, you can be a real sour puss sometimes."
"Sorry, I'm surrounded by irritating idiots all the time that test my patience."
"Even me?"
"Never you." You loop your arm through her free one, causing the fake pout on her face to disappear. 
Seokmin hangs giddily onto her other side, matching his girlfriend's radiant smile. He's used to the usual light-hearted jabs thrown his way and knows they aren't meant with any ill intent.
The three of you traipse outside where the fair sunlight and time of day increase the crowd of people milling around. Business always flourishes for the food stalls lining the sidewalk when the stroke of good fortune smiles down on them with pleasant weather. Especially when hungry gym-goers stop by for a refreshing drink or delicious snack like your trio needs after a hard routine.
"So, what's the grand secret you're hiding?"
Shiny, long hair is flipped over a tattooed shoulder with such a sure smile on her face and for the umpteenth time, you wish to have even a fraction of the self-confidence Seokmin's girlfriend exudes. "Got a sexy little number for you, darling. Nothing insane but I know you'll just love it and well," a glee-filled snicker, "I know he'll absolutely adore it. Isn't that right, 'Min?" she asks louder.
Her boyfriend nods in agreement even though he probably hasn't heard a thing other than his name from where he's busy paying at the stand. You roll your eyes.
"Thanks, but is that really necessary?"
"Of course!" she gasps, "it would be a bit of a shame, really, but I wouldn't be surprised if he tore it right off. Hah, it will be easy to tho… but anyways, the setup is always key. Remember, I told you it's just like foreplay and equally as important. You're already hot stuff and you're just gonna look even hotter flattering your best assets. He's gonna end up blowing his load, I just know it!"
"I'm going to have a meltdown," you state rather evenly while she squeals. Quite proud of yourself for the fake calm demeanor. 
A hand wraps around yours, squeezing encouragingly. "Listen to me. I was in the same boat a year ago and what great advice did I receive?"
"That was different."
"How so?"
"I mean look at you two now."
"Yeah, I found the love of my life. But that's not what I'm referring to. You know how murky our feelings stupidly were at the time and what did you tell me?"
You sigh in defeat and repeat, "'Whatever happens, happens but at least you know you tried'."
"Exactly." She puts a hand on your shoulder and the other one tilts your chin up so you have no choice but to meet her firm gaze. "And I wasn't happy when you said that but it's true. Plus, my intuition deep down is never wrong and something tells me this will be good either way. It's why we got you something to help boost your confidence, yeah? Think of it as armor… even if it doesn't cover much!"
You groan her name. "Geez, alright. You're right. Someone else said the same thing but I'm just — you know…" You wave your arm around and she nods understandingly. 
"I get it. It's okay to feel that way, perfectly normal. Be honest with him, at least about the nerves part if that's what you're only comfortable sharing. I think he's gonna treat you right during this, though. You're his best friend when it all comes down to it! Remember, you both have equal control over this so make sure to express and communicate at all times."
"I don't know if he'll have any control with what I have planned," you mutter and her eyebrows raise up in surprise before they wiggle suggestively with a salacious grin.
"Oh? There's my spicy sugar baby."
"Hah, stop it, you! I dunno, I mean we didn't discuss what we would be doing anyways so…"
"Mhm-hm. Well, don't forget we're always one phone call away. For anything."
"In fact, we could just book a nearby hotel." Seokmin returns and hands out your respective orders. "We haven't spent the night in one for a while, have we?"
You make a face of disgust following the couple to their parked car. "There's only trashy motels that reek of sex out my way. Like the dorms on campus but five times worse."
"Whaddya mean, that sounds perfect?"
"C'mon Seokmin," you grumble and he chuckles. 
His girlfriend takes out a white clothing box wrapped with an elegant black ribbon. "Don't open it until right before you're ready to stream. I know you'll overthink it if you see it any sooner."
You bite your lip but nod, pulling her in for a hug. "Thank you a lot. For everything you always do. I know you're right." Taking in a deep breath, you stand back and nod at both of them. "I'm going to do this."
"Yes, you are! You're gonna take that dick and own it, regardless of fuzzy feelings, you better enjoy it for what it's worth!"
"Baby, we're in public!"
"What, that's never stopped you before? You just handed over a lingerie set on a public street!"
As they bicker, you hear your phone ding. 
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You gasp. For multiple reasons. None of them good ones.
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Throwing your head back, you let out a frustrated groan before turning to face your curious friends. "It was great seeing you guys but I have to make a call and hurry home. Love you, will talk to you later."
They blow you kisses goodbye, acting as if they aren't chortling like little demons to each other that you have a very important dicking-down appointment to make. You pretend like you don't hear them, urgently dialing Soonyoung's number.
"Heya."
"Tell me you didn't bleach and dye your hair in my bathroom sink!"
Your devious best friend can't help but find your fuming cute as he plays with the tattered strings on his sweatpants. "I didn't."
You halt your fast stride and accusingly huff into the phone, "Then you're just fucking with me?"
"Not yet, actually."
"Kwon Soonyoung!"
"What? You didn't answer my question. Y'know I was gonna call and ask you what color you'd prefer but I didn't want your gym buddy to overhear."
"So you left and came back just to make a mess of my bathroom, maximizing the chances of my landlord potentially killing me?"
"Something like that, yeah."
"If you thought Jihoon was pissed, I can get much scarier than him."
"Oh trust me, I know. Better hurry that cute ass of yours home to get me to behave."
He hangs up, leaving you standing on the side of the street with your jaw nearly hitting the concrete. You hope that Soonyoung had learned his lesson after horribly — albeit accidentally — staining Jihoon's brand-new sink the last time he'd had done something crazy to his hair.
But as usual, he never fails to surprise you in the worst of ways. For as irritating as he was, it was honestly sometimes a surprise that you were best friends with him — let alone ending up with stupid feelings that totally don't exist.
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The heavy weight of male testosterone hanging in the air smacks you right in the face when you open the door. So much so that you have to take a step back, shake your head, and approach your own living quarters with much more caution.
"Honest to god," you mutter to yourself, only just able to hear Soonyoung's grunts, groans, and controlled exhale over the obnoxious blaring of his workout playlist. You pray your neighbors won't file a noise complaint. "Is he for real?"
Like out of a wet dream (yours), the lean arms of your best friend curl inwards to bring the dumbbells toward his head. Biceps bulging, the rest of his muscles visible through the thin white tank draped over them ripple in time with his precise movements. An audible hiss from the burn of exertion is followed by furrowed eyebrows, lips curling inwards before he relaxes and releases the tension. 
The only thing keeping you from fainting is the sight of his fuzzy bleached hair sticking out at odd points. Reminding you of why you stormed home in the first place.
Having seen your reflection in the blank TV, Soonyoung sets down the weights and turns to face you with a lazy grin. Shaking out his arms, the bracelets on his wrists jingle and jangle, silver beads against his tanned skin make it glow even more.
Like who even wears jewelry when they work out, you think to yourself with critical disdain to distract away from the fact that you're staring. In disbelief obviously. Pure and utter judgment.
As if you don't have a dainty golden chain around your own neck, the pendant resting demurely above the low zipper of your hoodie. 
You miss the hungry dark brown irises following the way it dangles back and forth above your chest when you bend over to set down the bags you're carrying. Unconsciously biting down on his bottom lip at the pretty view presented to him. Hurriedly flitting his eyes away with slight shame when the charm nestles itself exactly where he was staring as you stand back up. 
Just in time to meet your fiery glare that burns into his dilated pupils — this time, not from alcohol.
You're too busy staring at the mess on his head to really notice and he uses that to his advantage. As much as possible. But the attempt at sexily brushing back his frizzy bangs only makes them look worse and causes your scowl to deepen. A failure in making you swoon or laugh as intended, he sighs in defeat and turns on the kicked-puppy-dog act. Even though he's a self-certified tiger.
"Don't give me that look."
"I'm not doing anything."
"That's what you should've told me on the phone."
"Ah but… oh, wait… " he calls out as you stomp over to the bathroom only to let out a frustrated shriek. "See? Didn't ruin your basin, babe."
"Oh, you! Like you even know what that word means!"
"I do!"
A withering look is shot his way on your return but it has no effect. Neither do the next words out of your mouth. "I'm going to strangle your rat-lookin' ass for giving me a false heart attack!"
"Hah, I might be into that if it's you doing it."
This time, though, the way you whine out his name causes Soonyoung to shiver. Tiny hairs stand at attention, eliciting bumps to cover his body despite the sheen of perspiration already coating his skin.
God, does he want to hear it again.
You turn away from him, having said enough of your mind and knowing he probably wasn't even listening. Which would be correct. Instead, he tugs at the hem of your shirt and taps your shoulder so you'll face him again, allowing him to put his hands on your hips to keep you in place.
"What do you think you're doing?"
"Where are you going?"
"Away from you. Obviously."
"Trying to escape me in your own place?"
"Oh, trust me. I can evade very well while you… work out whatever alpha male energy you need to release in my home."
"But I'm a tiger — a solitary creature with no social structure." 
"No social skills, more like it." You push at his chest, hand jolting back like it'd been burnt upon the realization of just how thin and useless the almost-sheer fabric of his tank top is. Cheeks burning only hotter when his shit-eating smirk widens. 
Absent-mindedly kneading at your covered skin while mentally taking note of how short your attire was on your lower body, Soonyoung chuckles. "You're a tiger too, you know?"
"Stop, I could never compare to the level of your tiger-isms. Because I'm not a furry or whatever you like to call yourself."
"I could convince you to be my tigress," his breath hot against your already burning cheek, "change your mind a little bit, you're already halfway there as it is."
Any biting remark fizzles out in your throat like an opened soda can turning flat, knowing it'll only come out sounding like a whimper with how close he gets. Firm and warm — so warm and his dazzling, brilliant display of teeth only makes everything burn more. Your legs are as shaky as the breath you would have let out if you weren't holding it in just as hard as the grip on the last shred of your sanity.
Your best friend must deviously know who now has the upper hand at your ducked head. Sweatpant-clad knees knock into your bare ones. Urging you back, back, and back until you obediently sit down on the couch. 
Reminiscent of the night before. Opposite positions.
Soonyoung cages your head between his arms, wishing he was shirtless so you could see the way his abs flex in order to hold himself up, not solely relying on the strength of his arms. Your silence and stunned look are enough to boost his ego though, and he knows he can make it up to you.
"Have a few more reps to do, why don't you wait 'til I'm done?"
It's adorable, he thinks — how you're only able to cutely nod, mouth slightly ajar. Completely overwhelmed by him and him alone until he backs away to give you space to finally exhale in relief.
"And why would I do that?"
Broken out of the spell long enough to grouse at him and be taken aback by the unfamiliar but familiar pull-up bar station he's headed toward. However, before you can chew him out again, he easily targets your Achilles heel. Sometimes he's smart like that (or lucky), able to pick up on your strengths and weaknesses you don't realize or try to hide. Either for or against your well-being.
"'Cause I'll make it worthwhile, babe."
And right now, Soonyoung's actively using every effort to work against you. 
Pulling out a baseball cap from who knows where to cover his hideous hair and tossing away his useless top, you have no choice but to momentarily gawk at the defined valley between his back muscles with nothing shielding your view. It's up to your filthy imagination to envision what disappears under the waistband of his gray sweatpants hanging low on his hips.
"Yeah, right, I'll just look at my phone," you grumble, although you can't tear your gaze away despite unlocking the device with your thumb. 
"See something you like?" 
His teasing is relentless, your shrunken reflection on the TV screen becoming his focal point. Grinning to himself with his tongue sticking out, panting and moaning as acceptable as one can when doing pull-ups.
"No," you lie flatly, "I saw a lot of that not too long ago at the gym." More lies. Seokmin is a respectable man and keeps himself well-covered. "I'm just wondering how you got that damn thing in here."
"I'm stronger than I look."
"I know. Doesn't explain why you bothered to set it up here."
It's hard to shrug in the middle of a pull-up so he hums. "Change of scenery?"
"There's a great view at your apartment. A huge, wide window overlooking a green yard, not some beige wall."
Like he'd admit right now that he'd rather look at you. For amusement. For other reasons. Especially because he has a pretty good idea of how lovely you are undressed.
Continuing to ramble, you carry on. "And if you're all wrung up about me avoiding you — which I'm not — because of the collab, don't be. 'Cause I'll still do it — "
One of Soonyoung's hands almost slips off the bar, losing his grip in his sudden excitement at your words. Stabilizing himself with two feet planted on the ground, he faces you — chest heaving, abs rippling to catch his breath.
"You're still okay with it?"
"I mean why wouldn't I be? I just… had to process things. I'm a bit… well… nervous, okay?" You look down, expecting him to laugh at you.
"I'm nervous, too. Didn't mean to make you uncomfortable with the things I texted you, was just caught up in the moment, and I… " He rubs his neck, backpedaling when you flinch. "I meant it! Oh god, I mean… I didn't intend to be a creep, I just wanted you to know that…"
A deep inhale gives him enough air to rush out, "I do find you attractive. I mean you're hot, duh. And… I would and will do anything and everything to make sure you're comfortable at all times and… also… feel good… and… and stuff."
Soonyoung's voice fades away, the idea that he's fumbled the ball so hard and lost the game is super embarrassing. Defeat isn't common. Flirting and securing dates were his forte, his special skills, and the things he never failed at. Yet, with you sitting right in front of him right now — someone who is always by his side — he keeps fucking things up.
It gives him a small flutter of hope though when you raise your head to steadily meet his eyes. A hint of a soft smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "You're strange, you know that?"
"I'm trying to have a heart-to-heart for the third time and you're telling me I'm weird?"
"Strange, not weird."
"They're literally cinnamons."
"… Synonyms?"
"Yeah, you know when two different words mean the same thing."
"I — " You shake your head. Typical Soonyoung behavior. Attempting to get back on track, you mumble an apology. "You know, I've been caught up in my head without thinking about what or how you're feeling at all even though you've been pretty open."
"More than open."
"True. It just…. scares me. You're my best friend, Soonie — I don't want to lose you."
Your fearful whisper comes out more like a plea. The both of you search each other's shared gaze, unable to recognize the exact emotions you seek are in plain sight. 
Soonyoung frowns. "You aren't going to lose me over this."
"You don't understand."
"You haven't been upfront with anything if I'm being honest so, yeah. I don't."
"I'm — I'm sorry — "
"Don't be," he assures you with a wave of his hand and comes closer, "I get that it's new, scary, and gonna take time. I'm not expecting anything nor am I gonna leave when it's over, okay? Just want us to enjoy ourselves." His soft approach — the clumsy steadiness of the man you know and love — only makes your heart melt devastatingly so. "I promise this is gonna be great."
"It… it will be. I trust you."
He beams at you, holding out his hand. "Why don't we shower together then?"
"What?" Your body jolts, not at the coldness of the phone you had a death grip on falling onto your thighs but at the shock of his words. "Why?"
"To make up for the time we could've had during the communal shower incident?"
"Ugh, omigod, you perv…I should've known way back then."
Soonyoung wiggles his eyebrows and fingers enticingly. "How about just getting comfy and calming the nerves a bit? No cameras, no viewers, no one else — no pressures. Just us. Whatcha think?"
"No funny tricks," you warn but take his offered hand and stand up. It's horrible how the idea is enough to make your body thrum in anticipation.
"'course not, wouldn't dream of it, babe."
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Despite the growing trepidation, neither one of you is eager to move too fast and disturb the careful equilibrium established. 
Once he's secured your hand in his, Soonyoung leads you toward the bathroom but pauses right outside the door. You peer at him curiously — thinking he's chickened out — but he simply winks, apologizing that he needs the bag left by his workout equipment.
"You little shit, you had this all planned, didn't you?"
"No, but I brought a few things in the hopes you'd at least let me stay over again. You see, Jihoon was planning a big romantic dinner tonight."
"Aw, was he? That's cute. Can you grab my stuff too? I'll… meet you in the shower in a few… gotta run to my room real quick."
"'kay, but you better not run from me," he whispers in your ear and delivers a playful slap on your ass before leaving.
Your legs wobble. Weird excitement mixes with the butterflies in your gut and then you're dashing off into your bedroom to glare at the flustered expression reflected in your vanity's mirror. Sorting through and tossing around various panties, undergarments, and casual clothing only to huff at yourself because what does it matter what you wear to the shower? 
Damn you, Soonyoung.
Patting at super flushed, hot cheeks causes you to unzip your hoodie and throw it in the hamper. Left wearing only a sports bra, the urge to waste time and calm yourself by staring at the glowing, rotating stars on the ceiling is strong. Instead, you crouch down on the floor to give yourself one final pep talk for mental fortitude and then head back to join said man in the bathroom.
So caught up in trying to steel your nerves, you don't realize how long it took him to get the bags. Nor the flush coloring his neck a scarlet red and even spreading across his shoulders after he dropped yours off in front of the closed bedroom door, having accidentally caught a glimpse inside one of them.
Yes, the unmarked plastic Limbo bag that had been left in your car due to the events that happened after. You had brought it in today and although he'd picked it up without a second thought, he had seen a particular item that left his head spinning. You are none the wiser — forgetting all about it already again because of everything.
Soonyoung's already stripped and turned the shower on, intently watching the stream of water like it's the most interesting thing he's seen all day. You're grateful, though. 
Although a bra and booty shorts are by far not the most revealing thing you've worn or that your best friend's seen, you feel bare before you're even naked. Quickly discarding them, you wait for his next move, shifting on your feet. Both bashful and antsy.
"You ready?" The soft way he calls your name has your stomach doing somersaults. 
"Yeah."
"C'mere, then." Brown eyes crinkle to match his smile at the way you shyly sidle up next to him. "Don't know if the water temp is good for you."
"It's fine."
"After you, then."
You snort at the so-called gentlemanly nature, stepping inside while Soonyoung fidgets. It's funny because he's never failed to ogle you before with clothes on. But now he's unsure where to even look, choosing to focus on the water flowing past your painted toes and down the drain.
"You coming?"
"Yeah, uh…" He asks himself why he was doing this despite knowing the answer. "Um, nice shower."
You play along as if he's never been inside the bathroom before. "It is a nice bonus considering the rent. Big enough for two people to stand inside and not… touch."
Soonyoung's back is pressed straight up against the shower wall, clinging to it like mold and using it as a lifeline. There definitely seems to be enough space between your two bodies but he would rather slip on soap than move his eyes off the chipped caulking he's focused on right now. Speaking of soap, his singular brain cell lights up for a moment and he grabs the shampoo bottle that's thankfully to the right rather than behind either of you. 
"You wanna wash my hair for me?"
"What did you do to it? Obviously, it wasn't bleached if you're getting it wet. And it doesn't look much different."
"Chan helped me lighten it. With apple cider vinegar."
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah." 
Another mistake. Not his hair. But asking you to wash it. Especially when you tell him to duck his head to his chest so you can lather it up properly. Though your nails feel great against his scalp, he squeezes his eyes shut — afraid to look again. Even after straightening up and you're rinsing out the suds.
"I thought we were doing this to ease up the nerves but why do you look ten times more uncomfortable?"
"… I'm trying really, really, really hard not to be a creep right now."
You have to laugh. Endeared and amazed, you tap at his hands which have curled into tight fists to try and get him to relax. "Don't you want to look?"
One eye opens to squint at you, a strangled groan escaping his throat. "The goal was to get you more comfortable with me. Not the other way around?"
"But it looks like you're having a harder time." The not-so-subtle innuendo has him groaning again, running a distressed hand through his wet locks. You're having zero difficulties checking him out, undoubtedly noticing the effect this is having on him. So of course, your ego grows just like his cock. "Do you wanna touch me, Soonie?"
"I… I…"
It's your turn to reach for the shelf of toiletries, the snap of the body wash's lid opening causes a shiver to run down Soonyoung's spine and his nostrils flare at the familiar scent. He's helpless to your sweet, seductive tone and lets you lift up his hand, squeezing a generous amount from the bottle onto it.
"You can get me all nice, clean, and pretty for our stream, yeah?" 
Which is a lie — you're not looking to get clean, necessarily. The hot water and occasional soap suds are enough to wash away the sweat and grime from both of your workouts. An actual scrub could come later. 
After the festivities. 
"Don't waste my expensive products," you teasingly beg and bat your damp eyelashes at him before turning around. How the tables have turned. "Please?"
He swears under his breath, muttering, "This is all your fault," (a lie) before running his hands along your shoulders to spread the cool gel. Circular motions bring them down closer and closer before cautiously, but eagerly, cupping at the underside of your breasts.
"Knew you always had a thing for them," you giggle.
"Can you blame me?" Soonyoung bites back and starts to knead at them the same way he's done to other parts of your body without this kind of intent. "They're fucking gorgeous. Can't believe I finally get to touch them."
Your sigh comes out more like an airy moan, leaning back against his firm body. Two and two click together. "So these are your favorite parts of my body, huh? You've been talking to your juniors about my tits?"
"No way!" he assures you, "It's true that your eyes are beautiful as well but I can talk about how pretty you are…. you know, as a person."
"I don't even want to know."
"Like… you know!" 
"No?"
"I mean all of them have the hots for you, I'm just making sure none of them make a move because that would be weird."
"Oh please, it's only weird if you make it weird."
"Think about it. If my best friend dates my younger peers and exposes all kinds of embarrassing moments, how am I supposed to hold onto my authoritative position?"
"You expose your stupidity all by yourself as it is and still somehow maintain it. I think you terrify them in so many ways you don't even have to worry."
"I dunno. Whatever, are underclassmen even your type?"
You shrug. "I don't really have a preference but I guess not."
"Good, let's keep it that way."
"You're incorrigible."
"And yet here we are." He points out, noting that his hands groping and squeezing at your chest has to feel good. A little too good, if you're the one being honest. "You still want to stream, right? Like tonight?"
"Mhm, we might as well. Besides, you have your date really soon and — " You yelp at the sudden pinch and tug at your nipples, lurching forward.
Soonyoung follows your body's motion, ensuring you won't slip or hit your head. You can feel the hot press of his cock laying heavy against your back, bodies melding together as he rises back to his full height and brings you up with him. He doesn't move away, one hand brushing across your stomach while the other soothes the harshness just enacted upon your breasts.
"Do you think you can handle one sweet orgasm for me? Before we put on a show? Please?"
"Wha — Soonyoung?" you splutter out, brain trying to catch up and process the change of his demeanor. 
His mouth is on your skin, not quite kissing and not quite biting or sucking. Just lips pressing along your neck with an occasional prod of his tongue that licks up water droplets as he pleads for permission. Followed by a slight grind of his hips that steals away your breath, his heavy cock swirling against the curve of your ass, its heat matching the heat building up in your abdomen.
"Just my fingers, baby. There's no way I'd have trouble getting hard again but I need… no, want to stretch you out first. Please."
Breathless laughter bubbles in your chest at his desperation. And of course, you find yourself equally as turned on — easily able to distinguish between the hot shower water versus the release of arousal that bursts from your gut and trickles out to coat your sensitive folds.
You tell him "okay," and then he's goddamn thanking you. Already panting. Would get on his knees if he could but it's too risky, even though he reaches behind and shuts off the water that's rinsed away all of the unnecessary suds. Now, Soonyoung can resort to using his fingers to explore where he hopes his mouth and eyes can later.
Prodding at the crease of your thigh, he mumbles more to himself, "Is this where it's at?", causing you to grimace. Not knowing he's referring to your tiger lily tattoo. 
"Thought you were a sex maniac? But you don't know how to finger someone?" Maybe Junhui was right. "I should've bought you a guide or something, my bad."
He scoffs. "A little mouthy, aren't we? Not that I was expecting anything less. Saw you bought some fun sex toys, babe and I assure you — I know how to use them and find my way around a body."
"We might use them in ways you can't imagine," you gripe and he silences you with a bold swipe of his fingers against the smooth folds of your cunt.
"You're shaking in my arms already and you don't think I know what I'm doing." He doesn't speed up his pace or make further movements, content to tease. Though his lips turn downward when you clasp a hand over your mouth. "Going quiet on me before I've even started?"
"I'm cold," you mumble behind your palm. 
Soonyoung's hand leaves your lower body so he can place it on your elbow instead. Not moving your arm away but it's a tight enough grip that you know he wants to and could if he tried. He feels the bumps covering your skin everywhere he's pressed against and shivers himself.
"Let me warm you up then. But you're going to have to let me hear how it feels or I won't know if I'm doing a good job." Fingers trail down your side again and you relent, tentatively dropping your arm down and letting out a soft, wobbly moan at his tickling motions. "And I very much like knowing that I am."
You can feel his smile against your neck. He can't help but be fond of such cute shyness that you don't normally exhibit around him but even that's not enough to feed the ravenous tiger. Soonyoung understands though, aware of some of the differences between sexual acts for a camera audience versus doing it with another person.
Especially if it's him. Not that he's actually aware of that fact.
"Words, gorgeous." But the man still desires to ask, intent on getting you to actually say something, breathy and sweet all for him — and him alone. Hopefully not just an act. Besides, he knows how mouthy you actually are whether there's something in that cute cunt of yours or not.
"Mhm yes, Soonyoungie…"
"Yeah?" He rewards you with a return to your damp folds, gently brushing back and forth to get his fingers thoroughly coated with arousal. "Tell me what I should do, what you like. Wanna hear it all from those pretty lips of yours."
"Hm, want… want your fingers."
"Where?"
"In… inside."
"Huh, inside… here?" A finger slowly eases its way into your warmth. "In this lovely little pussy of yours?"
Your reaction is incredible, arching your lower back to press even closer to him, wedging his cock between your ass cheeks, and throwing your head back. A louder moan echoes in the shower. One that glimmers with more confidence. 
You're no longer cold, sure the water droplets glistening on your skin are sizzling now and evaporating from the feral heat rushing through your body. And it is absolutely everything to Soonyoung. Almost.
"How many? How deep?"
Despite having shorter fingers, they make up for the lack of length with thickness and technique. You can clearly feel by the one alone that he obviously knows how to utilize as it explores the spongy walls of your cunt. Your moan turns into a whiny huff as he stills his digit and your foggy mind finally registers you need to answer.
"Two, please. Not… not too deep."
"'course, baby. Whatever you want. I know you can take more but I'll be gentle." He nips at your ear as he slides his ring finger next to his middle one inside, teeth bared hungrily at the filthy squelch. Pointer finger soothingly pets one side on the outer lip of your pussy that snugly wraps around him, tiny tremors of its nerves fluttering across it. "Anything for you."
He continues to mumble, stuff along the lines of "only for you" and "never do a thing to ever hurt you". But it's drowned out by the blood roaring in your ears, melting against Soonyoung's body, and attempting to keep standing. It doesn't matter too much, his strong grip ensures you won't fall — it'd be a waste of such a rigorous arm workout if he couldn't even brace and support you while he finally gets to stroke your velvety walls like he's fantasized about.
Or maybe that's fueling his strength alone. It's startling, how fast you rush toward that peak. The sensitivity of someone — him — touching you for the first time in years, the smell of your scent on him… everything in that moment, within the intimacy of your shower, is just you and Soonyoung.
It's intimate. Much too intimate. 
Emotions collide and crash, causing an intense ache that leaves you in a fragile state of vulnerability, stealing your breath with a sharp gasp. Paired with the slow, concentrated strokes of his fingers that are intent on helping you reach that peak, you have no choice but to follow along. 
Embarrassingly climbing up the hill and hurtling to your climax at a raging speed, like a roller coaster that races downwards off-track. And like its unfortunate passengers, you scream — albeit silently, the pleasure so mind-numbing that it steals away every single one of your functions. 
It satisfies Soonyoung though. The lack of noise from your mouth lets him appreciatively hear the accompanying squelch of your darling cunt pulsating around his fingers. Gummy walls squeeze his fingers in rippling waves that make his cock ache. You tremble in his arm and he feels hella pleased, content to support your shaking frame until he realizes you're sobbing.
Mush. Your brain, your body, your heart. It feels so so, so good it almost oddly hurts so, so, so bad.
Your best friend is quick to wipe your cheek tenderly, brushing away the trickling tears with his cleaner hand. "Hey, you okay? You still with me?"
It's hard to trust yourself to speak, the lump in your throat is too big to allow for speech anyways. Instead, you nod at him through bleary eyes, waiting for the roar to fade from your ears. Soonyoung scans your face repeatedly, worry knitting his eyebrows.
"Baby," he whispers, pet names slipping out without thought, and pulls down the fluffy towel on the nearby hook to drape over your shoulders. "Talk to me. Too much? I'm so sorry… gosh, I really am sorry, love."
Regret immediately eats at him. Regret at what, he's not quite sure. But like a stone is crushing his chest, he watches you attempt to talk to him — to actually assure him that you are okay — but your body refuses to cooperate in its hypersensitive state, stuck heaving dry sobs. So, you timidly open your arms, asking for a hug and he steps in to embrace you without a moment's hesitation.
Although it's like he's touching glass, afraid you'll break with one wrong touch so he's extraordinarily gentle. Your head buries into the crook of his neck. Toweled arms wrap around him, luckily sharing a bit of warmth and dryness. Breathing in his comforting scent that lingers beneath your shampoo, and the supportive strength of defined, moist skin pressed against yours. Both of your hearts beating rapidly off-sync starts to ease the shaking in your body. 
Every swallow you hear and feel from his throat continues to bring you back down to a calmer wavelength. Unsure of how much time passes until you no longer feel like you're a balloon floating away in the stratosphere. But once you finally come down and feel a sense of stability, you lift your head.
Soonyoung's quick to crank his neck just for the tiniest glimpse to gauge how you're doing when there's zero indication of you releasing him from your embrace. In fact, your arms might tighten even harder around his torso. A thumb reaches up to cradle the side of your cheek he can reach, swiping tenderly at the salty dampness.
"I'm sorry." It's your turn to croak out an apology and he frowns.
"Why are you apologizing? It's me who should be — "
"No, it's not you! Well, not exactly. Forgot how it feels to be touched by someone else and it's just… a little overwhelming. I didn't mean to scare you."
"Wasn't scared but definitely worried I took it too far. I didn't want or mean to."
"You didn't," you assure him, hands wrapped in the bath towel running up and down his lean back. "I'm fine. It felt… good. Really good. Probably too good. Guess you weren't lying about your skills."
Embarrassed laughter is muffled by burying your head back into the space between his neck and shoulder, a slight nuzzle against his warm skin. Refusing to look into your best friend's brown eyes yet upon the recollection that he'd just had his fingers deep inside of you, bringing you to a pleasurable precipice that you think is the best you've ever experienced.
"Ah."
When that's all he simply says, you have to lean away, honestly a little puzzled. Now it's his turn — once again — to not meet your eyes. A pretty flush illuminates round cheeks that are only emphasized more by the shockingly bashful smile growing on his lips.
"'Ah'?" you repeat in surprise. "I thought you'd be all… cocky and proud. Y'know, like earlier."
His hands rub up and down your arms, unintentionally but successfully finishing drying you off. "Hey, don't get me wrong. I am proud, it's not every day a man gets his pretty bestie to cum like that."
"I am pretty, aren't I?" 
"Yeah, you are." He confirms that by resolutely meeting your gaze and the moment stretches on until you blink to shatter it. "Don't like making you cry though."
"Really? That doesn't seem like your normal MO, Mr. 'I get told off for having too high of a sex drive'!"
"Well… you're different," Soonyoung huffs at you mimicking his words from days ago, and scratches the back of his head as you step out of the shower. Shamelessly ogling your backside in mild retaliation as if you aren't giving him a free show on purpose when you reach for another towel. It's pointless if you don't see and he's allowed to look. "You know that."
All you do is chuckle and shake your head, humor being your favorite defense mechanism. You don't dare to ask him to elaborate. What do you know? Sure, he treats you differently… because you're his precious friend. Because he —
You focus on his matted hair that kind of makes him look a bit like a drowned rat. Though your affection doesn't dwindle, at least you can focus on the conversation rather than Soonyoung and his undeniable attractiveness that now makes you weak in more ways than one.
"What I know now is that my best friend has a dacryphilia kink."
"Do not!"
"Sure," you say, the word absolutely coated in sarcasm but you don't push it. Instead, you ask, "What about you though? Anyone ever made you cry?"
Soonyoung tongues at his cheek, as he joins you at the sink counter, towel politely covering his modesty like yours. "And now who has a kink for tears? I'm aware of how much you love it when viewers are sobbing for you to squirt for them, all pretty like you do. Bet they wail into their pillows every night because they can never, ever have a chance with you."
"Ha, talking about yourself, Tiger?" Boldly, you run a finger down the crevice formed by his pec muscles, just stopping before you reach his abs. "Didn't someone admit to being a frequent viewer of mine?" Watching as he visibly gulps despite the smirk starting to quirk the corner of his lips up. "Ever shed tears for me, Soonie baby?"
It's a miracle that the poor man is able to remain standing with every single one of his nerves tingling and firing off at your words. His entire being thrums while he wiggles his eyebrows. 
"Wouldn't you like to know," he teases, unsurprisingly finding himself breathless.
"I guess I would. Or… I could just find out for myself."
"Fuck, so those toys I accidentally saw weren't for you, were they?" When all you do is bite your lip to try and hide your grin, he laughs and swears again. Turning away to run another hand through his hair, he looks back at you with an eager sparkle in his eyes. "I should've known, you naughty tigress."
"Are you up to it though?"
"Clearly."
"… I mean mentally, Soonyoung. Want to make sure you're okay with that."
"As okay as you were with what we did in the shower," he affirms, "because I trust you, too. Besides," his gaze lowers to drag across your covered body though you might as well be naked with the hungry way he stares before meeting your eyes again. "That sweet pussy of yours could bring anyone to tears. Hmm, maybe I do have a dacryphilia kink… "
"You think?" With a giggle, you try not to melt at his words. The whiplash of him jumping between hot and goofy still leaves you reeling. "We'll just have to confirm between ourselves, won't we? Let the viewers decide on the consensus."
"I'm all yours, baby." Always have been, rings silently in his mind though you likely fail to receive the message. "No matter how many people are watching or what they're saying, we'll go at your pace."
"Our pace."
"Our pace," Soonyoung repeats affirmatively and holds out his hand.
You clasp onto it like an anchor, an unspoken deal mutually accepted by the action. And then you're using it as a way to pull him out of the bathroom, eager to share with him all the ideas you've brainstormed for tonight's livestream.
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This was it.
Your camming setup was in its desired location after making Soonyoung sit in various positions on the bed while you adjusted the angle for the best view. Then you turned everything off with strict instructions for the technology-inept man to not touch anything while you were gone and he lazily reclined on your bed to wait. 
He agreed just as amicably as he had after patiently listening to you stutter when finally discussing what you both felt comfortable doing on-cam. Winking lecherously as you leave the bedroom with his arms propped up behind his head causes his upper body to automatically flex. You'd probably seen more of his muscles today than you ever did over the couple of years of knowing him, the man only donning — startlingly normal-colored — boxers and various silver earrings dotting his ears.
"No tiger print?" you had asked, half teasing, half shocked.
"C'mon, it wasn't like I was that prepared. Besides, what's it matter when we'll be naked soon?"
And now you stand back in your bathroom with a cross look. Twisting and turning in different directions to assess your appearance in the vanity mirror. 
Seokmin's girlfriend has never done you dirty. In fact, she just seems to get better at buying things that not only flatter you but stuff you actually enjoy and feel comfortable with or in. And clearly, with this set… frankly, you think she's hit the nail on the head. But Soonyoung's casual words about getting naked eat at the normal self-esteem boost you would expect to be instilled by the beautiful lingerie.
It's simple and classy. Delicate yet sexy. Still, you don't feel as confident as you'd like to. 
But then you jump at the loud drawl of your name followed by, "If you don't come out here soon I'm gonna start touching stuff!" A beat of silence. "Hm, I wonder what this button does…?"
"Hey, you'd better not!"
"You're right, I'd rather be touching you! So get your cute butt over here before I count to three, ahem, one… "
"And I thought it was me who was supposed to be the one counting," you call back and roll your eyes. 
"Two… "
"Omigod! I'm coming, you beast of a man!"
"Yeah, that's what I want you to be say — oh, damn… oh wow… "
You barge back in and Soonyoung hasn't moved, still lying on his back and yelling on your bed like a child throwing a temper tantrum. But he turns to look when he hears you approach only to do a full-body jerk at the sight. 
Because his traitorous eyes are immediately drawn to the large but darling satin bow tied below a flattering display of cleavage created from the two matching pieces of fabric pulled comfortably snug around your breasts. Licking his lips subconsciously as his gaze follows the line of your body to the two additional bows adorning each of your hips and keeping the material of your panties on with one simple knot tied in each one. 
The man is mumbling all kinds of stuff you can't really make out as he sits up besides, "Oh my god," and probably something along the lines of "holy mother of —," and then curses. Suddenly your insecurity flares back up and you recoil instinctively to cover yourself even though he's already seen you naked.
"Wait, wait… don't hide from me…! No, no c'mere, baby. Please," his voice actually cracks as he begs and reaches out his hands, "let me see you… all of you."
And how can you resist when Soonyoung looks at you like that, glassy-eyed and tender? You go to him with timid steps until you're close enough to feel his body heat once more. 
"Sweet thing." Strong arms wrap around your thighs, hands gently laying against the back of them as he nuzzles tenderly around your stomach with his nose. "How are you gonna order me around when you get all shy on me like this?"
Your hands flutter at your side, twitching unsurely before they dare to settle on him — one plays with the tip of his ear free from piercings, and the other scratches his scalp with your nails right above his forehead. And Soonyoung practically purrs in contentment, strangely putting you back at ease. 
"Oh, you'll be surprised at what I can do."
He chuckles. "I always am. You're so beautiful and gorgeous, there's no reason to hide, okay? Never forget that. You still feeling alright?"
"Actually, yeah I'm… good. What about you?"
"Couldn't be better. Except my dick feels a bit numb as fuck but that's okay." When you snort, he smiles against your skin. "I'll manage."
"I'll take care of y — it soon, I promise."
He groans. "Might actually bust a nut at this point."
"Dear lord, Soonyoung… "
"Just kidding. Mostly." Backing away to get a better look at you again, his eyebrows crinkled. "You know I have excellent stamina and control. I'm as cool as a cucumber right now."
"Yeah, okay. Whatever."
"But you do look good enough to eat, goddamnit." Fingertips dare to caress the free end of the ribbon hanging from the knot tying your bra together. "This is new."
"Are you keeping track of the lingerie sets I wear?"
"Mhm… vaguely?"
You roll your eyes. "Yes, it's new."
"Thought so 'cause you've never worn dark green before but damn, do you look good." 
Soonyoung wiggles his eyebrows and you flick him gently on the forehead before turning around at his command. A low whistle and awakening twitch in his boxers at the satin that thins at the back, showing off the round perkiness of your ass. 
It's true that your normal colors are orange, black, or a combo. But the dark green material looks amazing against your skin, is fresh and new, and unsurprisingly — he finds himself hella down bad, noticing the way it also draws out the colors of your tiger lily tattoo that he's never really paid attention to before, when you've completed your 360-spin to face him again.
God, you're a vision.
"Hot, sexy, perfect… buy it for me to unwrap you, babe?"
You glance at the bows with a pout. "A friend bought them for me but I guess it makes sense, doing it with someone else is definitely more exciting with these."
"You said a friend?" Of course, that's the only thing he acknowledges even if he's indeed dying to undo all of the ties right away.
"Yes, Soonyoung. Again, I have friends besides you." 
"One that buys you lingerie?"
"Last time I checked, you weren't."
"Then I'll amend that problem."
"No thanks," you wave him off as you head over to your camming setup to start. "I get enough stuff as it is."
"I guess I should have my kittens gift me things." A hint of satisfaction fills his chest at the downward tilt of your lips when you turn back to the setup. But a pang overrides it because he can guess why you're really grimacing. "Since it's so worth it and all."
"Don't get all salty, I'll help you find a safe place to receive things if you want." You glance over only to find his arms crossed and a frown set on his face. "What's wrong? Did your cock fall off? Do I have to drive you to the hospital?!"
"No."
You're puzzled. "Then are you good to go or…?" 
"Yeah, I'm fine," he huffs, "sorry, got in my head a little."
"We can wait."
"No, it's all good. Let's get this show on the road."
"Alright… " 
You hesitate for a minute or so before decisively starting the livestream, the telltale red blinking dot starting after the countdown. Though your next words make Soonyoung feel like somebody dumped an ice-cold bucket of water over him, a cruel jerk back to the reality you'd both created. And maybe you just doused yourself with it too.
"Let's finally just get this thing over with."
TigerLily_61596 is now live… with a special guest!
The air has definitely suddenly shifted and both of you need to dial it in and dull it out. Whatever it may be. Because you've got an audience to perform for.
Luckily, it's easier than expected. The brief silence as you wait for viewers to tune in ends up permeating a blanket of calmness. The view count rises fast, everyone's excited anticipation is so palpable that it's starting to rouse in your body as well.
"Horang-HEY… " Soonyoung murmurs the infamous tagline while using his phone to monitor the chat. He's pleased to recognize many of the joining screen names consist of his regulars. "Yeah it's me, Hoshi AKA 0riginaltiger69. He/him pronouns, if you please."
He continues reading with a dubious adjustment to his covered crotch. "Ah, wooluv, kitten! No tigerprint…? Yeah, things are gonna be a bit different tonight anyways. Yeah, good to see you too. Miss me? Aw, missed my rowdy lil pussycats."
kingh0ng: im early for once but there's some just random dude talking abt his underwear?????
kingh0ng: and CATS????????????????? NOT PUSSIES???
NewUser4950: it's gonna be a collab
horny49yu: it's a good day to be a bisexual >>>
sugacub3s: and a furry apparently 🤨
"Hey now, no kink-shaming is welcome here."
While he starts an easygoing back-and-forth about whether or not kink-shaming could classify as a kink itself, you re-approach where he's seated on the edge of the bed. Fingers press into the firm muscles of his deltoids after you crawl to sit behind him and he sucks in a sharp breath.
kitkat69: 🤤 mama has finally arrived 
"Hi kitkat69, darling," you smile in comfort at the familiar user while peeking over Soonyoung's shoulder, a hand creeping over to brush above his pectoral muscle. 
NewUser3939: what are you okay with us calling u?
"Yeah, if you're new here… I don't care how you address me, I'm fine with anything. The regulars call me Mama, Tigress… all sorts. Spoiler alert though, I'm probably not the one you're going to want to be calling names tonight."
hoshis_d1ck: oh damn???? 🫦
wooluv: 😢 im so jealous 
You dare to tweak at the man's corresponding nipple. He grunts and leans forward into the camera, bare upper body hiding from the lens the way your lips purse at his actions. 
"'kay kittens, I hope you enjoy what we have prepared so get all comfy while the tigers set up their playpen." 
Once he moves to situate himself in front of the pillows piled by the headboard, you're quick to turn and kneel between his thighs. Dutifully showing off an enticing backside perched prettily on the back of your heels and the black leather strap draped over one of your legs hinting at what's in your hand.
s0turned0n: leash?! ummmmmmmm 👅
AnonymousUser4442: toys…….. oh- 🙃 😵‍💫 🥴
newuserjk: even between the 2 of them? yuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
deathbyd1cks: you look great in that set babe~ 😍 💦
crazy4w00: too true 😳
m3rs: HOT
"You're so cringey." Your whisper is just loud enough so only he can hear.
"And? They love it."
woolove: why can't that be me 😩😩😩😩
cumdaywh0ring: 😔 same here but which 1
horny49yu: again a great day to be a bisexual!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Soonyoung's still reading the comments and you huff. "You're supposed to be paying attention."
"I am."
"To me," you clarify and take the phone out of the man's rather loose grip. Placing it on the nightstand, your covered breasts softly press against his firm ones and another quiet grunt escapes his mouth.
He's still not looking directly at you even as you loop your arms over his shoulders to put the collar around his neck. Bravely, you place what could almost be considered a kiss — featherlight — to the rapidly pulsating vein, raised and visible on his neck due to an extremely tensed jaw. 
A whisper of "Soonie," in his ear and you feel the tiny hairs on the nape of his neck rise despite how the flesh beneath the pads of your fingers burns. "Relax for me," you continue in a low, seductive tone and then fasten the collar with a resounding click. 
deathbyd1cks: 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 everyone shut up they r having a moment 
NewUser1920: feeling inherently single! ✌️
crazy4w00: may be the point lololol
wooluv: 🥲
Leaning back to assess how good he looks with the black leather stretching around the honeyed skin of his throat, the defiant spark that smolders inside of a swift glare before he's glancing away ignites something within you. Maybe he's doing this on purpose. Egging you on to deliberately provoke what happens next in the hasty script you're both choosing to act out, weird feelings be damned.
It helps. 
Hesitation is nonexistent when your hand runs along his sharp jawline until it reaches his bottom lip, pulling it downwards with your thumb. Two fingers slip inside Soonyoung's mouth and push down on his tongue, encouraging him to open wider which he readily obliges. Your other hand sneaks into his boxers, just barely grazing the head of the growing bulge confined in them, and decisively pulling out the second surprise toy of tonight's show.
kitkat69: jsfkdjafkjfkJDKJdfjjdf
cherry_scouper95: 😏😏😏 my colors ayo ❤️ 🖤
8starfucks: this fucks 1000/10
4ngelic_m3nace: me n who ME AND WHO??????
The red sphere of the ball gag is filled with holes but the solid surface molding the circular shape lays sticky between your fingers. Holding it enticingly between your own teeth, you can't help but stick your tongue out and let out a tiny moan at the salty excess purposefully left behind by his neglected, leaking shaft.
You're not sure when Soonyoung placed his hands on your sides but he kneads the bare skin with usual familiarity, squeezing just a bit rougher after the sound you made. Before you dare let yourself wander too far off track, you lean in close. An accelerated heartbeat mixed with ridiculous flutters can be felt in your chest, your stomach, and even between your legs. So traitorous that you would grit your jaw in irritation if you could.
Instead, you tilt your head, raise up onto only your knees, and place your arms around his neck again, this time for support. Using a skilled tongue — while continuing to tease yourself with the taste of his precum — to nudge the ball into his awaiting mouth. Lips dangerously brush together and you're surprised he doesn't flinch away.
"No kissing."
"Okay."
"Not gonna question why?"
There's no need to because you respect his boundaries as he does yours. But as familiar as he is with your idiosyncrasies, you also realize Soonyoung is pushing the matter because he wants you to ask. 
"No one gets to kiss your virgin lips, I know."
"Wha — "
"That's what your drunk self — that kisses people very often — told me once."
"Oh, hm…"
"Don't worry, I get it. You should save kissing for someone special. Like maybe Yuna."
"Huh… I guess?" He shrugs noncommittally. In a way, you almost feel bad for the girl he's going on a date with. In fact, that's why you're trying so hard to protect your own heart, dare it get treated so flippantly like this.
"Besides, there's no reason for any kisses."
Not unless it's you, think two dumbass minds.
And maybe you linger a little longer than necessary or needed during the brush of lips that's clearly not a kiss. Surely Soonyoung doesn't lean in a little further, pressing up closer against your entire body. Perhaps it's simply your imagination when his hands move behind your back as if he would never let you move away from him again.
deathbyd1cks: 🍿 😎
Anonymous33001: i feel like i'm intruding on smth v personal 😭
jejusb00s: it's called intimacy 🤌  a connection
s0turned0n: sad lonely n horny
But you do distance yourself. You have to. 
Once the ball is lodged in his mouth, you drop your arms down, guide his hands onto the bed, and lean to the side to secure the strap of the gag behind his head. He's a vision and you know it. 
He probably knows it too.
Loose bangs are pushed up off his forehead that glistens in the low light of the room. Sweat also shines between the peaks of his tiddies and valleys of abs that flex and unflex with uneven breathing. Saliva starts to pool past his reddening lips. A hazy look in his eyes that has to be mirrored within your own. There's no other choice but to be proud of such a masterpiece — him.
You also can't help but show a cheeky smirk to the viewers when you turn around. Seating your ass right on top of Soonyoung's large bulge like it's no big deal that the moist wetness soaking the satin covering your cunt blends right into the seeping mess of fabric covering him. Bracing yourself with hands set on the two strong thighs below, you start a lazy grind of your hips that have you biting your bottom lip coyly when he throws his head back with a series of frustrated groans.
kingh0ng: woooo some action from the fav
Putting on an act, you frown as if hurt. "What do you think I've been doing all this time darlings?"
NewUser9031: not paying attention to us :(
"Aw, I know you need attention too."
The pleasant sound of tips pouring in is satisfying as is but you always have ideas on how to rack them up even more and rile the dirty minds of the viewers. Drive them crazy. Seemingly Soonyoung has the same thought process and acts quickly. Quicker than you can even react.
tigressb00bl0v3r: finally my time to shine!
Deft fingers loosen the bow of your bra causing it to easily slide down your arms. Warm hands palm eagerly at your breasts, kneading and squeezing and squishing them at a much more aggressive rate than in the shower before. 
kingh0ng: now we're talking
cumdaywh0ring: SCREAMING
cumdaywh0ring: creaming
cumdaywh0ring: jerking off
cumdaywh0ring: yEs
tigressb00bl0v3r: i love boobs &lt;3
Soonyoung's harsh yet pleasurable groping means you've stopped moving, the attention to your chest keeping you captive both physically and mentally. So he kindly picks up the initiative, desperate rutting of hips up against your pussy as if he was actually fucking you from below.
The man wishes he could be whispering all sorts of naughty shit in your ear but the ball gag keeps him silent save for the groans and whines coming from his chest and throat. Drool dribbles onto your left shoulder creating a shimmering sheen of saliva for the camera that eventually ends up coating the upper swell of your breast. 
tigressb00bl0v3r: god i wish that were me 😩
dickarawrous420: u and me both 🤝
He goes on long enough for a copious amount of spit to aid his hand in gliding with smoother ease across your skin. Messier. Faster. Harder. The extra slipperiness only makes him apply more pressure to grip and grab at your tit, causing a low moan to build in your throat out of pity for the more neglected one. You feel the rumble of humor in Soonyoung's chest against your back and your brain has to fizzle out the tingles and remind your body to fight against the pleasure you're receiving in order to take back control.
Who's the one holding the leash anyways?
"Stop," you say sternly and place a hand on his forearm, noting the way those muscles twitch in response.
kitkat69: mama using big words now 🫢
sugacub3: seriousness is such a turn on
But the little bastard continues to fondle your other breast without pause so you reach behind, yanking at the band of the collar. He moans. The audacity.
"What did I just say, Hoshi? You know only good boys who listen get rewarded, do you not want yours?" You pretend to wait for a reply. "Oh, that's right you can't talk, so I guess someone else should make that decision. What's the verdict, loves — has he earned his?"
dickarawrous420: absolutely not
wooluv: he's a good boi to ME
h0n3ybun: even good boys need a lesson
deathbyd1cks: punish him! 😈 make him beg bby!!
NewUser88963: tie him up and teach him some manners
8starfucks: touching w/o permission is a BIG 🙅🙅🙅🙅
"Should've kept your hands to yourself, baby boy. Looks like they wanna see you pay for not listening. And honestly, I do too."
You're quick to switch to your original position so you can face him again and Soonyoung isn't afraid nor ashamed to admit to himself that the wild, unhinged look in your eyes is crazy sexy. It's almost enough to make up for the loss of contact with one of his favorite parts of your body. He would have never, ever pictured himself submitting to anyone during sex but it comes quite naturally when it's you. Though a part of him that's not his cock aches, wondering if this is truly all for the camera as usual or what you're really like.
Will he ever know?
Those thoughts are luckily banished quickly when you dictate he put his arms behind his back. He complies, grateful to even have this kind of opportunity despite the circumstances, and focuses on doing his best to enjoy every moment.
"I'm even going to do you a favor because I like you so much and would hate to punish you more for additional misbehavior."
deathbyd1cks: oh??? 🫢
horny49yu: 🍿 😋
crazy4w00: 😎 this is better than a kdrama
newuserjk: am i the only one who feels like im missing smth???
4ngelic_m3nace: yeah im missing some1 tied up on MY bed 
cherry_scouper95: idk bout yall im just here to get off 😗 ✌️
To be honest, you planned on never touching the hideous handcuffs Junhui gave you even if they were free. For multiple reasons. Banished and stashed away in the very bottom of your dresser drawers, you are quite proud of the substitution you'd chosen to use instead.
Unclipping the leash in case Soonyoung might accidentally choke himself anyways (though he might like that), you loop the leather strap across his wrists and forearms until it's bound tight enough just to remind him it's there if he gets too impatient. It'd be a joke to think that could actually restrain him if he really tried to break free. Still, it's great for theatrics.
All the while, you're murmuring in his ear if he's doing alright even though the establishment of safety words and signals were already made very clear before this all started. Your best friend assuages any worries with an imperceptible nod that only you can feel though he whines audibly over Svthub's steady cash flow notification at your bare chests brushing against one another.
You relieve him (thankfully) by moving away (sadly) and deliberately brush against his cock (evilly) with your knee when you sit yourself prettily on his thigh. His eyes roll back instantly, hips stuttering at the teasing action as well as the spongy material of your panties saturating his bare thigh.
He huffs wetly, chin and throat, inside and outside, coated with drool. Incoherent noises, a mixture of whimpers and words he's trying to say, grow louder in desperation when you start grinding with no mercy, riding his thigh at an unforgiving pace that's wildly fast. Your hands grip at the covers behind you for support as you thrust your hips towards him and then away, knee inching closer to once again nudge his hardness with your motions. Messy cunt oozing so much arousal, the viewers don't have to listen too hard to hear the nasty sound of soiled fabric sliding against skin.
beg4gyu: i debated if i should watch this or not
beg4gyu: i caved,,,,,,, im weak
beg4gyu: i can live w/ this tho
beg4gyu: esp if tigress uses him like a hq dildo 
wooluv: hey!
beg4gyu: hi!
wooluv: (derogatory)
wooluv: sorry it's not my strong suit
beg4gyu: 🤨 um 
beg4gyu: n e wayz glad to see i didn't miss much
Comment wars rage on as usual but you're too occupied to care. It was a hard choice to decide on at first. The ridges of Soonyoung's abs and the insane vein that leads down all the way to the mushroomed tip of his cock surely would have felt divine rubbing between the folds of your pussy. Perhaps that would have to wait until you were unclothed next —
Or just forget about it. There won't be a next time. There can't be. So you must let it leave your mind. 
It's not hard because his thigh wholly takes away any thoughts that even might enter your head, by far surpassing your expectations and dispelling any indication of disappointment. He flexes and releases the muscle just enough so it catches that sweet clit of yours at different points and angles while you slide back and forth. He'd give anything to push his knee up and temptingly stuff your soaked panties a teeny tiny bit inside your hole with a sinful squelch. 
Alas, he fears the repercussions if he tries to do too much. Content with the way your breasts jiggle cutely, wishing you were still wearing the pendant that you came home from the gym in so he could watch it bounce and sparkle in time with them.
You're moaning shamelessly now, mouth set in a gorgeous "O" and cute moans, almost squeals, coming out as you ride his thigh with even more vigor. Soonyoung hopes — prays — that you'll cum. Nearly cracking the ball gag with how hard his mouth squeezes around it in anticipation. 
The minute that thought resonates in his head, your body seizes up. Lower body shakes and shudders, lifting upwards… up, up, and up… enough for him to spy a hint of the dark green satin color turned black where it's wedged in between the puffy, soppy lips of your cunt that spasms slightly around the ruined fabric.
His eyes threaten to roll up out of pure delirium but he can't bear to look away and miss this moment.
Oh god, and then when you somehow have the wherewithal to move off of his thigh to engage with the hungry viewers that adore watching you come undone (who doesn't?), he just about faints. You even have the gall to wink at him over your shoulder and bet how many orgasms he can give you. He can't bother to try and pay attention as you continue to praise him in front of everyone watching just to egg on the comments and the long, blazing bling of money pouring in. 
Something itches at him. Soonyoung's well aware of the incredible amounts of arousal you're able to conjure with some lube helping you play with during your streams but he's floored. He could definitely feel the wet mess you were making on him. And then to see it. Slathered all over and across like he'd been oiled, it strikes a pleasant possessiveness as if you staked your claim on him. He watches star-eyed at the tiny quivers in your legs while you try and regain your breath.
Down bad, the poor man is. You'd be the death of him.
wooluv: i might have to accept i will never be as cool as tigress
wooluv: or as hot
"Aw that's not true, wooluv baby!"
h0n3ybun: believe in urself luv!!
wooluv: 😭 💔
"Seriously. Oh and hello, beg4gyu! Missed you."
beg4gyu: 😳 ME?????
"Yes, you silly. You were fighting with Hoshi during my last stream!"
beg4gyu: i was?
"He was under a different screen name but yes, it was so funny."
beg4gyu: yeah i mean i was and i was totally winning
You snort, shaking your head to hide your eye roll. "If you say so!"
beg4gyu: also… important -
deathbyd1cks: 🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱
crazy4w00: 😴😴😴😴😴😴
horny49yu: 😪😪😪😪 
beg4gyu: what's w/ all the haterz???
beg4gyu: this is a judgment free zone
beg4gyu: N E WAYZ why is he called 0rginaltiger if he's 69th 🤔🤔🤔
That makes you laugh and turn back to Soonyoung with a devious smirk, hand brushing against his bulging cheek. "Wanna tell 'em, tiger boy?"
It's a mocking tone you use, the ball gag still in his mouth obviously preventing the man from uttering anything except incomprehensible sounds at this point. He's not below begging in whatever way desired — rather be drowning in your arousal than his own saliva — and raises his eyebrows pleadingly. Dancer hips hump up pathetically but oh-so-temptingly, another strangled whine thrown in for good measure and shiny eyes threatening to tear up. 
Of course, you concede to finally taking it and helping with his boxers after removing the leash that's left pretty red streaks across his forearms showing where he strained against the binding. Your hands brush tenderly across the marks, a questioning hum while you wait for him to collect himself to respond.
"Guess we should," Soonyoung eventually chokes out in a raspy voice, "ya know…" a little too eager in the way he reaches for your hips, "demonstrate."
You click your tongue and gently yank on the collar before he can touch. His upper body jerks forward, merely inches from your face, nose brushing against his. 
"I don't remember you having the control here, Hoshi."
"Ah, but don't forget to lemme know if I'm doing a good job like before… "
And with that, you respond by pushing against his chest after the saucy wink and smirk sent your way. Urging your best friend to lay down on his back so you can place your knees around his waist, untying one side of your panties with a flourish while he rushes to slide a naughty hand over to assist with the other. Across the room they fly, joining the discarded toys on the floor with the nastiest splat imaginable.
NewUser94594: holy shit! 🫣 💦
dickarawrous420: my god... 👅
deathbyd1cks: 👁️ did sum1 say before? 
deathbydicks: hahaha n e ways — ruined ☑ 
You can't even be bothered to care, all your focus instead on the heat of your bare cunt pressed against Soonyoung's hard abs just as you imagined. He seems to be in a better mood and is finally obeying. But you don't like the look of the mischievous glint in his eyes when his teeth sink into his bottom lip, feeling what a sopping mess you still are.
He's covered in it. And he hopes for more. 
"You're so fuckin' beautiful," slips out before he can stop it which causes you to click your tongue to cover up the fact you're extremely flattered, cheeks aflame.
"Looks like I'll have to shut you up, huh?"
Twisting around and moving further up his body until your fluttering hole is over his mouth, you see his brow raise questionably.
"Aren't you gonna... ?"
"Work for it," you interrupt with a command and don't wait for his reply before seating yourself against his swollen lips. "Work for it and maybe I'll suck you off as a reward, baby boy."
sugacub3: this is SOOOO unfair
kingh0ng: im abt to unalive 
kingh0ng: i cant keep edging myself like this
kingh0ng: the drs r getting worried
AnonymousUser9999: weak
jejusb00s: concerning
There is zero hesitation in doing as demanded. Obviously. A vigorous tongue swirls to spell out his own name sloppily — s o o n y o u n g — against your sensitive clit, dipping into and all around your quivering pussy with each swipe, prod, and glide as you settle more and more of your weight onto his face. Tiny bites of cold metal from his earrings sting as they dig into your skin and only add to the pleasure. 
The man underneath you growls, absolutely feral in his euphoria, not minding being smothered one bit as your knees practically crush the sides of his skull. He would die a happy man this way. Nodding his head up and down in agreement then back and forth, nose coincidentally brushing against the rim of your asshole. 
You shiver at the sensation. Despite never having done any anal play, it's not that much of a turn-off. Paired with the vibrations from the noises he's making that fires off and alights your nervous system somehow even better than the XXL vibrator gift from Seokmin and his girlfriend, you're on some kind of otherworldly high. And his dick isn't even inside of you yet —
"Hah, he's… gawd, he's so good… at this!"
It's not like you forgot the only plea Sooonyoung asked of you but it's also not hard to fake or hold back the moans and praises that fall easily out of your mouth with his ministrations. Fully sitting back all the way, a treat to the viewers who can get a peek at your occupied lower body atop his shiny chin. Watching his jaw and tongue fervently working in tandem as he continues autographing your pussy. Sitting on his face like you belong there — which you do.
Only because his lungs are screaming for air, not because he's satisfied, is the reason he taps your ankle three times. Honestly, you find it a struggle to lift up and fall forward onto your forearms instead, the rest of your body prone against his. Soonyoung's rendered you weak, especially as he parts from your cunt with a lecherous wet smack like he's just had the messiest make out of the century. 
He kind of has.
You're left with your mouth hanging wide open and panting — though not as hard as he is — a flurry of emotions as your mind can only think of one thing. It's no surprise when drool dribbles out of the corner of your parted lips, perfectly falling onto the angry red cock below you that jumps adorably in shock at the contact.
deathbyd1cks: hehehehehe dick drunk dick drunk dick drunk 🙇
deathbyd1cks: called it! 
deathbyd1cks: 💵💵💵💵💵💵
h0n3ybun: i mean it IS pretty
horny49yu: THICC
newuserkjk: still feel like im missing smth
beg4gyu: its like a 100
beg4gyu: out of 100000000000000000000
wooluv: jealous much?
A wonky, dazed smile and a flutter of eyelashes dampened by tears is sent to the camera. While you might not be reading their comments, you can only imagine how they're eating this shit up. You let more drool accumulate and collect on the center of your tongue (easy with how good you feel and the sight before you), sticking it out so a singular clear strand can drip down from the tip. 
Like a baker drizzles icing on their cake with a spoon, you direct your head in various directions over his length. Eyeing greedily as it twitches agreeably and leaks more precum at the teasing, barely-there warm liquid that instantly cools beginning to coat it.
Whether out of repayment or retaliation, Soonyoung catches his breath and gathers up the moisture in his mouth (that probably consists more of your arousal than saliva), and then spits. Right at the pretty folds of your pussy that are eye-level if he keeps his neck lifted. Hungrily watching through a lidded gaze as it slides between them and mixes in with the sloppy cream that's starting to seep out and threatens to spill onto his chest. 
"This pussy…! Fuck, is it so perfect… totally made f'me."
His voice is choked and raspy. Like hell he'd waste any droplets of yours, vowing for them to only fall on his tongue. Hastily grabbing at your hips, pulling you back onto his mouth, and kneading at the plushness of your asscheeks before delivering a playful and light slap to them — daring you to finally suck him off.
And you do, reverently picking up his thick length with trembling hands. Marveling how it even makes your hands look small around it. Lying hot and heavy in your hold, you can feel the blood raging through its veiny prominence.
Then your lips are suckling at the tip, re-addicted to the salty tang you previewed thanks to the ball gag. Soonyoung lets out a grateful moan of relief and you echo it because of the satisfying taste of him.
horny49yu: actually
horny49yu: bad day to be a bisexual if youre not between them
4ngelic_m3nace: where do i sign up to be a part of this???
beg4gyu: bruh
beg4gyu: not b4 me 😑
deathbyd1cks: is sum1 having their bi awakening?
beg4gyu: no but
beg4gyu: ill do anything for tigress
wooluv: 😳 i think i might
deathbyd1cks: amen to that 🙏
Your best friend's now almost halfway inside your mouth while he's been tongue-deep inside of you in exchange. Granted, Soonyoung is only occasionally flicking your clit now, much lazier thrusts as he tongues and laps around your hole because it would be a lie to say he's not mildly distracted at long last by being enveloped with your warm mouth.
That's perfectly fine though, allowing a clearer mind to pay attention to him instead. Your head bobs up and down in a methodical, slow way until the tip of his shaft slips down your throat. Staying like that for as long as you can without breathing before popping off, proud of yourself for not gagging. 
Practicing with your toys for the past week must've paid off.
(Of course, you would die before you ever admitted that to Soonyoung, and likewise. Because if you asked him if he wanted to hear your gags, the answer is an obvious yes — but admitting it? Over his dead body.) 
You get more comfortable, breasts squishing against his thighs, forearms strewn across his calves so you can fondle at his ballsack while you work him deeper and deeper down your throat each try. Soonyoung mimics you, arms thrown across your lower back as he moans against your pussy. More than pleased when you start an unhurried, inconsistent grind that he happily continues to supply his drenched face for.
You're not even trying to look pretty for the camera, slobbering all over the place like you're devouring one of those ginormous round lollipops, nor did you intend to make such a mess. Who knows if it's precum or saliva dripping down between his balls? But there's so much that you can smear all around and all over like a heathen.
Only adding to all of it by briefly neglecting his cock (hand replacing your mouth to jerk him off because you're nice like that) and giving a love-suckle to each one of them simply because you can't resist with them right there for the taking.
kingh0ng: can it be a concern to cum sm???
cherry_scouper95: dude fr?? need to work on ur stamina
cherry_scouper95: get laid finally or smth
kingh0ng: im not a virgin!
h0n3ybun: no shame if u r
kingh0ng: w/ the amt of times i use my hands to these shows i could be tho 😔 
Soonyoung must be feeling the same way you do if his loud, open-mouthed moan and warm breath ricocheting against your clit are anything to go by. It might just be the hottest thing you've ever experienced, cunt squeezing deathly around his poised tongue that dips in and almost gets trapped. 
He growls, freeing it, and slaps your ass again, soothingly squeezing the sting away. Arms muscles taut as he holds your hips up and away so he doesn't quite literally drown in all of your arousal.
Still, licking his lips and tasting more of your tantalizing essence on them, he desires more.
"Think I can make you squirt?" He also thinks he deserves even more. "With just my tongue? Or… " A finger traces around the soft skin of your pussy lips, admiring the clenching and unclenching hole above him. "My fingers? Think you can do it for me, sweet thing?"
Instead of replying, you simply turn your head to the side so you can meet his dark brown, carnal eyes. Teeth scrape along that devastating vein and nibble on the sensitive skin that connects his pelvis to his cock.
"Watch it," he hisses, "easy, babe."
You whine, batting your eyelashes and mouth first curving downwards as it presses against his lower body before curling upwards in a smirk. "Only ever squirted with a dildo."
Soonyoung eyes your tiger lily tattoo and places an oddly domestic-like smooch to it. "Of course, the brat would challenge me."
"Wasn't — "
You let out the most unflattering squeak as he drops you back down on his mouth, slurping at your cunt again with an addition of a harsh suck. Before you can let him get too carried away, you match his pace.
beg4gyu: am i just a fly on the wall????
beg4gyu: do i even exist here?????
wooluv: 🥲 no 
wooluv: none of us do
deathbyd1cks: baby im not even here im a hallucination 👍
Licking from the base up to the slit that's trembling in your hold as your hand runs up a different vein, this time on the underside of his dick after another teasing squeeze to his balls. Deep-throating with much more ease, swallowing two to three times before coming up for air, and diving back down again. 
Rinse and repeat.
Soonyoung's hand sneaks between your body and his lower lip to fondle at your clit, pinching and pulling like a demon, though gentle in his actual administrations. The lovingly clumsy mannerisms of your best friend before are nowhere to be found in this pussy-drunk beast of a man who aims with precision at all your exact weak spots. Or maybe he was like that all along… 
And that's perfectly fine because damn Seokmin but he was right — you're positively, utterly, completely dick-drunk.
"In love with… in love with this pussy of yours," he rasps out and you mumble nonsense with a full mouth, responding more with the enticing wiggle of your hips. Encouraging him to bring you to that precipice, over it, and more while you return the favor.
deathbyd1cks: 📹 damn almost caught it in 4k
AnonymousUser7021: was there a lag??? did i miss smth??
deathbyd1cks: the confession of the century 😔 ✊
wooluv: HUH?
beg4gyu: HWAT???? THEYRE A THING???
crazy4w00: well not yet…
wooluv: 💔 so there's still hope 🥹
h0n3ybun: cute
cherry_scouper95: cute n all but r we ever gonna finish here??
cherry_scouper95: this dude's stamina…
kingh0ng: now who's weak? 😆 🫵
cherry_scouper95: 🖕
You're almost just as frustrated as cherry_scouper95. A mix of a growl and whine rises in your throat whenever it's granted reprieve in between thrusts, nails scratching and leaving crescent moon marks along his tense, sticky thighs. Because goddamn, even though his cock looks so achingly hard that it could probably stay up straight on its own, growing more difficult to bend it down your throat — he shows barely a hint of nearing that sweet release. You huff, cold air whooshing across his shaft and balls that has him jolting beneath you.
A brain cell lights up.
Sliding down his body, away from his mouth, and ignoring the devastating loss as well as his surprised groan of disappointment. Focusing as it turns to one that is pleasantly breathless in enjoyment when your breasts squish around his length instead. Pornographic moans ring out as the back of his head hits the mattress and shameful cries of "baby, babe, love," fill the air, so loud that the viewers have to lower their volume by a few decibels. 
"Oh, fuck… "
It only takes two slides up and down between your tits before Soonyoung's hips take on a mind of their own without your hands to hold him still. Rutting unapologetically and unforgiving up into the enclosed space, using your chest like it was nothing but a cocksleeve or fleshlight toy. 
You revel in it. 
Appreciating the pathetic grips and grabs at your asscheeks as he fails to ground himself. Sticking out your tongue to meet the pretty pink head that pokes through with each thrust tugging the foreskin back and forth as it rubs against your soft, tender skin.
You're positive he's almost lost control, surely chafing your skin despite the insane amount of wetness. Of course, you don't mind at all and add whatever moisture is left in your mouth so it can drip down your shared bodies, mixing in with the filthy, sopping mess that's probably ruined your bed. 
Soonyoung's intent on that promise, finally gathering hold on some of his wits to raise his head back up. Removing a hand to prop it behind his neck, the other one trails downward, pulling the fat of your ass slightly up. Your lower body presses into his to support the actions of your chest and torso but he's still able to see your empty hole leaking arousal all over the front of his body. 
You're right where he needs you. Wants you.
A digit pushes in to bury inside your cunt that greets the welcome, thick intrusion with a sickening squelch. He starts knuckle-deep out of caution before exploring farther, middle finger (essentially giving the viewers a big "fuck all of you" while inside your pussy) readily seeking out that bundle of nerves to brush against that he found in the shower. Stroking them relentlessly once found by his finger nestled within, and grinning sadistically when you cry out. Clit rubbing against the rough, top indentations of his abs.
"C'mon, baby… soak me. I know this nasty little hole can do it, know you can do it." Soonyoung growls when you feebly garble out his screen name. "That's right… mark me, baby 'n make me yours. Bet they're all crying out for you right now. But you'll do it all for me, just f'me, right?"
A strangled "Yes, Hoshi!" is ripped out of you followed by a wrecked sob as you grope at your nipples out of habit, coincidentally continuing to squeeze and release your tits around his weeping shaft. 
"Together!" you also beg with a scream, pleading for his release as well. The repetitive pulsating of his cock gains more consistency to match the rapid thumping of your heart beating in time against it which thrills you.
"Together," he confirms, "always."
AnonymousUser1205: wow hot damn
beg4gyu: just bc hes right doesnt mean he has to say it
beg4gyu: esp if he gets to be w/tigress >:(
cumdaywh0ring: let's gooooo
cumdaywh0ring: let's fcking gooooooooo
There's an audible hiss heard from both of you as your pussy lips tighten around Sooonyoung's finger, almost cutting off his circulation like a rubber band wound too many times. Cunt suctioning yet pushing him out, trapped as if his digit is a fish caught up in a dam, as you start to gush. Droplets of your essence dribbling down his flexed wrist that attempts to thrust within its limited range to coax you through your climax more.
"That's it, that's a good fuckin' baby," he praises and grunts, white spurts of cum erupting as his own release hits. "My baby. Take it, love. Take all of it 'cause you're mine, aren't you?"
The feeling of his cum hitting your face, tits, and mouth that's open already from moaning like the true star cammer that you are plus his hoarse voice repeating the demanding possession of, "Aren't you?," has you screaming out a confirmative "Yes, baby!". And then you're really gushing, squirting as desired because of his fingers and mouth, harder than you ever thought you could be capable of. Successfully ejecting Soonyoung's digit out in a spray that seems to last an eternity as you seize up and shudder and shake until you can give no more.
Most of it lands on his chest, dousing him and wetting the poor bed. With both of his arms free, he can basically do a light curl-up, tongue sticking out to catch whatever he can like a heathen. His balls empty and empty out across your face until his cock finally plops against your rubbed-raw chest, almost as weary as you are as it starts to soften. 
You may look like a complete and utter mess and wreck. But no one thinks you could look any prettier than you do now in this moment, especially Soonyoung whose muscles protest when he forces himself to move.
kingh0ng: is this heaven or hell
newuserjk: why not… limbo 😼
h0n3ybun: oh?
deathbyd1cks: 😏
newuserjk: $5 off, sale ends in 2 min! 
wooluv: my god… 😓 these ads
kitkat69: imma need 10 business days to recover,,,,
He fumbles a bit, hazy mind struggling to stop the livestream as he hastily thanks everyone for watching. Once it appears to have turned off, he chews on his bottom lip and decides to just power off the whole computer system for good measure.
"Hey." Handing you a water bottle after downing a few sips, he also grabs the towels and wipes from the table you'd prepared beforehand. Laying them down on the upper, cleaner part of the bed and collapsing back on the mattress with a bounce. "You with me, babe?"
Though your eyes are still glassy, you nod. Relief as the water soothes your scratchy throat. "I am, you good?"
"Perfect."
You both know you need to clean up properly before resting but it seems alright for now to just lay there and catch your breath. Soonyoung pulls you into his chest, rubbing circles on your back as a chill sets in — metaphorically and physically — in the sudden eerie silence shared between just the two of you in this room.
"Thank you."
Your best friend giggles. He goddamn giggles. "Was I that good that you're thanking me?"
A beat of silence.
"Honestly, yeah you were. More than good, you were great. With everything. So yeah, thank you."
"No, thank you." It's said with such gratitude, such conviction, and then a kiss is placed on the top of your head. Your heart thuds erratically. "You were perfect. Everything I've ever imagined and more."
"S-Soonyoung? "
"Hm?"
"… Wake me up in ten."
"Okay. But we'll have to wash up after, alright?"
You nod against his chest, shutting your eyes tightly. He inhales deeply, jostling you a bit to reach his phone and set the timer before tossing it onto the bed. Both of you miss when your respective phones light up with new messages.
"Soonyoung?"
"Yeah?"
Despite the way you want to relax and pretend like there's not the looming elephant in the room to face, you have to ask. 
Even if it hurts.
"So… what happens next?"
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◇ Find out more in Part 3... cumming soon 😉 (like to charge, reblog to cast)
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onlyseokmins: April 2023 ©
1K notes · View notes
cpericardium · 1 month
Text
So! I've gotten a host of messages and asks regarding recent disk horse and I wanted to address them as a collective. I know I have anon asks off, I won't share your URLs, but I do want to thank you for asking and clarifying some of the frankly vile things people have been saying about me, my girlfriend, and friends. I value those of you who offered your words of support, and didn't jump to believe screenshots taken out of context and lies written with the utmost confidence and none of the facts. I am a little tired of having my morals questioned and my views conflated with every single person I associate with, but there it goes.
Some questions and answers under the cut. Feel free to continue asking and I'll do my best to answer.
tumblr user cpericardium suspiciously silent on the subject of Gaza: does this mean you support ethnic cleansing???
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My reticence when it comes to posting about topics like I/P is because:
-This is a fandom blog intended for lighter topics, except maybe the occasional vent about life stuff, which I usually hide under a cut. I don't have sideblogs. They seem tough to maintain and I don't post nearly enough to justify it. If I were to make one it would be for another fandom or maybe just the freakier bugs. I simply prefer my social media experience to be stress-free.
-Anti-slacktivism. It's a documented thing: posting about an issue makes you feel like you're doing something, you get that little shot of dopamine, so you don't actually go out and do something that effects meaningful change. I'm trying to do less of that. I'm good with the friends and people I follow who choose to post about it and this is a strictly personal belief, but when I engage in activism, it is offline or it is a donation. You're not going to hear about it.
But don't you reblog lgbt and women's rights posts?
Yeah, and that's usually when I want to save a post for one reason or another (e.g. to talk about with someone on discord later). The bottom line is that the main purpose of my blog is not to post political takes or to spread awareness of anything. It is just a collection of my interests (fan stuff, bugs) and hopefully a way to share those interests with like-minded people.
I will state my views clearly for the record: I support Palestine. The ongoing genocide is heartbreaking and so is the violence against protestors. Additionally, I am against antisemitism and the harassment of Jewish people in the name of supporting Palestine. This shouldn't even need to be said.
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Is your girlfriend a Zionist?
No.
Does she support Zionists?
No.
Wasn't she in the military?
Yes, years ago.
But the military is evil?
It is. She's extremely hardcore anti-war, does not believe the US should even have an army, and actively PMs strangers on reddit to try to convince them to not make the same mistake. If they're dead set anyway, she gives them detailed advice on how to survive. Because she actually cares about the human cost of war, not the social clout gained from shunning or sneering at people who make wrongheaded choices. I have seen her doing this, seen her seeking to understand their reasons for joining so she can systematically explain—from personal experience!—why they're not going to get any of that out of the army. It is a hell of a lot more effective than bitching them out or writing callout posts or starting whisper campaigns about them. She cannot delete those years of her life no matter how much she regrets them. There is only forward. I think we can all agree on that.
But what about all those things she said. "I regret nothing, I have no qualms, VA nipple money etc."
Well you have to understand that while of generally upright character, she is a bit of a scamp. She believes she fundamentally should not have to explain herself to randos who do not know her, who have never, not once, interacted with her, who are clearly digging for dirt and will twist anything she says no matter how banal. People see what they want to see and they look for evidence to reinforce their preconceptions; they'll go so far as to make alts to join servers, cherry-pick screencaps, crop them, and conveniently fill in the rest of the narrative for curious onlookers. So she decided to exaggerate and amplify and twirl her mustache like a supervillain. Give them a show, as it were.
To be clear, I'm not sold on this strat because it makes her look cartoonishly evil to people who can't understand sarcasm and hyperbole. But her friends and I are aware of her actual beliefs and also that she did not in fact do those things people imagine she did. And isn't that what matters? Real-life harm? Do you even care?
Re: screenshots/so-called proof from shakertwelve & lakesbian's "callouts"
Girlfriend addresses them here.
108 notes · View notes
asgardian--angels · 3 months
Text
Talking on the phone with my mom I finally broke down and cried thoroughly about the cancellation. I think I'd been holding it in for the last two days, or two months. And honestly I've been wondering all along why this show means so much to me. I am not queer, I am not neurodivergent, I am not POC or disabled or any of the groups that this show has been so important for in terms of representation and being treated with respect and dignity. I understand and completely empathize with all of you, and fight for this show and your rights worldwide alongside you, but it still left me wondering why I myself have latched onto Our Flag Means Death. I suppose part of it is that despite being white and cishet and the privileges that have always come with that, I have been treated like an outsider and ostracized my entire childhood and teenage years, for being ugly and having "disgusting" interests (primarily liking insects, reptiles, other creepy-crawlies - aka the thing I literally do for my career now). I was bullied relentlessly from preschool through early college and became a very lonely introverted person - I still am. Undoubtedly Our Flag Means Death gave me renewed hope that I haven't missed some key window for finding love or relationships of any kind that matter, as I sit here typing this at age 28 having never dated anyone.
But it had to be more than that. And with everything that's happened the past couple of months, and the last few days, I think it finally clicked for me.
Followers of my blog may or may not know that I am a conservation biologist, or pollinator ecologist, whichever hat fits best on a given day, they're quite close. I don't make many original posts like this anymore on here because my job is so busy. Basically, I do a variety of things - academic research, habitat management & restoration, and public outreach - to try and preserve biodiversity and ecosystems on our planet. I'm just going to say it: it's a thankless job. Nothing we do ever feels like it's enough, and burnout is common in our field because we sit with the guilt of feeling like we are the only thing between survival and utter destruction of planet Earth, and work ourselves to exhaustion. It's one of those jobs where your work is your life, and your passion is your work, and it's inseparable from who you are on a molecular level. We are often faced, on a large scale, with hostility, from people that don't believe in science and are more than happy to pull a shotgun on us, or rich old men in power who are content to watch the world burn for another penny in their bank account. There are days when sometimes it sinks in just how bad things are, and it's terrifying, and I feel like we will never be able to do enough, to change enough, before it gets catastrophic. It's paralyzing.
My ability to do my job is dependent on hope. Unwavering, unrelenting hope. Hope beyond hope. We have to believe what we're doing matters, otherwise we'd fall down and never get back up again. I'm no big-shot, I give talks to a few hundred people at a time, and make urban pollinator habitat on a local scale. Is any of that going to make a difference compared to the ramifications of a single oil mogul deciding to cut corners and cause an oil spill that kills millions of seabirds and damages ocean food chains for decades to come? If people in my field let thoughts like that linger, we'd be paralyzed to inaction. I have to hope that the people I teach choose to do something good with that knowledge, and go on to inspire others, or that the patch of habitat I make allows a declining species to maintain a foothold instead of going locally extinct. You just have to keep going.
And Our Flag Means Death got wrapped up in that for me. The Stede Bonnet effect, if you will. He set out to do pirating differently, treating his crew with respect and helping them grow. In return, they internalized that mindset, and it spread to how they interacted with others. It changed the trajectory of individual lives, and also at least began to change how the society of pirates operated as a whole. It was a beacon of hope that choosing small acts of kindness did matter, even if you yourself could not see the ripples it made. It renewed my faith that love persevered and would win. That we could all make life a little better for each other and ourselves through kindness, compassion, forgiveness, and mutual support. I think a good chunk of that is from Taika - these are running themes in his projects, and his films move me deeply for that. This show became in some, perhaps subconscious way, a source of strength for me to keep putting myself out there in my line of work to do whatever I was capable of to help the cause.
The cancellation was devastating, but the second cancellation (turbohell cancelation?) was even more so. Because now it's so clear that this is largely the work of David Zaslav and the regime he's built. It's petty, it's greedy, and more than anything, it's cruel. Indifferently, indiscriminately cruel, when one person at the top can have such power to make or break the lives of thousands, millions, beneath them, and though it would have been barely a drop in the bucket, a hand wave, to renew our show or let it pass to another streamer, he actively chose to shackle it to this sinking Titanic of a company WBD has become. I have always operated on the belief that you can do anything if you work hard enough at it, and believed deep down that there was some order, some justice in the universe, atheist though I be. We as a fandom did everything we possibly could, we loved this show harder than anything. The numbers were there, the awards nominations were there, the critic praise was there, and we were loud and loyal every single day. I felt like we could do this - how could we not win when we've done so much, and the show deserves it so much? Surely cause and effect will prevail.
This fight seemed small, though really it wasn't; we fought for the right of artists and creators to make quality, original stories and have them told to their natural end, we fought for diversity representation to be more than a token character - OFMD raised the bar so much higher on all fronts, we fought to shed light on the chaos and impending collapse of this industry silencing art and exploiting writers, actors, and all manner of production workers. It was a small fight from the outside, one that I really felt we could win. And I put my heart and soul into it, because if we could win this, if we could save this simple, kind love story about two guys on a boat, then maybe there was hope for the bigger, badder stuff too. It shouldn't seem an insurmountable task for several thousand fans to convince a streaming service that they'd turn a tidy profit to give our show one more season.
Yet we lost - through no fault of our own. I am so proud of us. But that really struck deep for me. If one peabrained CEO of a media company wouldn't budge on greenlighting a show that was in his every best interest business-wise - perhaps enough to even save Max from going under in the not-too-distant future - my god, what hope was there for changing anything bigger? The 'real' problems of the world? When no amount of ethos, logos, or pathos can penetrate these men at the top, where's that hope to fight? Lately the world seems like it's just going belly up all over. If we gave everything we could, and it still wasn't enough - if it could never be enough - what hope is there? It's like chaining yourself to a tree and the bulldozer plowing right on ahead. And I think that broke something in me. It shook me to my foundations because it broke my rules of how things are supposed to work. We believed hard enough, we worked tirelessly, and we deserved it for how important this show was to so many people. And it didn't matter. Our best wasn't enough. And that caused an avalanche of all of the horrible, scary things piled on my shoulders - we're losing the Amazon rainforest too fast to save, climate change is going to turn the corn belt into a dustbowl by mid-century, a border wall is going to devastate imperiled wildlife in Texas, deforestation and hurricanes on songbird wintering grounds could lead to entire species extinctions, saltmarshes are our lifeline and they're shrinking and we're still building stupid concrete stormwalls, invasive diseases will completely alter the composition of our forests to be unrecognizable to our children, and if you don't make every slide of this powerpoint utterly perfect and you fail to convince every single person in attendance to get rid of their lawn then you've failed and the world is doomed.
I've struggled with being a perfectionist my whole life. This didn't help.
That's where I was a couple hours ago. But I took some deep breaths. I know the world isn't fair. But I really thought if we could win this one battle, then we could win the war.
But here's what I realized. Everything we did mattered. It mattered so much. Because there's the show, and then there's everything that was birthed out of that show. The community, so many of us around the world who have been uplifted by Our Flag Means Death in a real and lasting way that we will take with us and spread to affect those around us. The Stede Bonnet effect goes global. We raised thousands and thousands of dollars for charities around the world, real people whose lives have been improved, or maybe even saved, because of us and this silly pirate show. We brought a hell of a lot of attention to WBD and their shitty practices, keeping the momentum going in a way that I think is only going to build - and I sure hope it leads to Zaslav getting deposed. We have demanded more queer stories, more BIPOC stories, more disabled and autistic and middle-aged stories, stories with exquisite costumes and award-worthy wigs, dear lord, and we are being heard. We have expressed such love and support for the cast and crew, showing them that we appreciate their hard work and that we will be behind them in their future projects. So many of them have told us how the show and its fans have changed their lives. We convinced Rhys that his career isn't winding down but winding up, and to be unapologetic about his wonderful weirdness - we've proven to everyone through this show that your weirdness is what someone out there is going to love you for, not in spite of. We rallied to help writers and actors during the strikes in a way that was taken to heart and remembered. We have been out here talking it through as a crew, and turning poison into positivity, for over two years now, and that impact is permanent. They can cancel our show, they can try and slap copyright notices on our fan merch, and spew bullshit excuses about the numbers not being there. But Our Flag Means Death sparked a movement, the biggest pirate crew the world has ever seen, using our power for good.
We may not have any more new material for our show for a while, or ever. But I maintain hope that when the dust has settled and streaming has entered its 'new era' that they'll remember us and throw us a lifeline. Because hope is a part of my genetic makeup, and even in cancellation my hope has been renewed that the fight is worth fighting, that our individual choices of kindness are having an effect, and making the world a little easier to live in bit by bit. No one can take from us what we have built out of this show. And thanks to pirating, they can't take the actual show from us either. Despite this, no matter the outcome, I am so happy we got two seasons of this wonderful series. That was more than almost anyone expected. The story belongs to all of us, and it will always live on. We did not truly lose this battle, because in the process we gained more than we could have ever imagined. And I know there's still so much more to come. That gives me the strength to keep doing what I do, every day.
To me, Our Flag Means Hope.
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sunlit-mess · 19 days
Note
Hello, I hope it's not rude but I'm REALLY REALLY fond of your art!!!!! I was scrolling through your blog from new to old and found that you have Bpd,,,. I only heard about this condition, what is it like? If it's ok to know,,,!
hello, thank u! uhm it's something? HAHAHAHA idk how to explain it 😭🏳 lemme try to be as direct as possible
I'm high-functioning, but there are points I seriously just start showing symptoms.
Emotions: INTENSE as it can get while FEELING 99 PERCENT EMPTY. Something just- keeps you so.. hungry (not literally). Sensory is also another factor, and honestly I burn out a lot, tend to get overwhelmed n meltdown like shit
Identity: I either have BEEF WITH it, feel GODLY, or be so LOW, really low. I live with both passion and hate. I'm very confused. But I can say I'm just tired!
Attachments: Relationships are so hard to maintain bc of how much I fear abandonment, like bro I can't even leave my family as much as I want to. I'm more scared of getting disowned or losing my name. Love is a concept I long to grasp at the same time scared of it, I don't understand jackshit about " love ".
> I tend to self-Isolate with or without reason
> ...I used to test other people whether they can handle me or not, whether they'd leave or not. Not anymore though, but the thought lingers.
> Very- paranoid- about.. perception, neglect and invalidity HAHA.
Mindset: They call it Black and White, or generally just two categories to label my perception of things. However, I try to understand AS MUCH AS I CAN about a situation, etc. See what's in-between before I decide. that's really hard for me to do LOL.
> I always do my best to think and be nice
> I can be so fucking bad at the same time, only to regret it the next second or so
> My mind is scattered all over the place, It's exhausting
Trauma: I have memory problems and a lot to connect with that. Hate and fear is what I'm accustomed to. I live with a fuck ton of active predicaments like hell. Old wounds keeps reopening, and new ones never closes.
Impulse: shows in speech more than in action (THANK GOD LMAO I'D DIE IF I LET MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS WIN)
Habits: uhm. Ranging from sunshine and rainbows to SELF-DESTRUCTIVE. I get obsessive, like.. really obsessive.
Coping mechanisms: Usually I have mood stabilizers and anti-depressants n shit, but I don't rely on them anymore (bc I can't keep buying). I don't have good coping mechanisms even for physical needs. It's so bad bro. So I just end up drawing. that's the only good one I can list.
Living with it: Exhausting and an internal war 24/7. Does it affect me physically? Yes. Does it come with other mental factors and conditions? Also yes! But as one of God's most tired soldiers, nothing I can do but keep walking.
What I'm confused about: dawg last time, i kept searching about how conditions co exists like— Thats normal?? N the last diagnosis I was in confirms it does and nothing to worry about. BLUD I AM DEF WORRYING. Autism n bpd? u mean my behavior and shit isnt meant to be invalid as most people perceive — u mean these fckass experiences built that bpd? ☠️ WHAT AM I THEN—
(I'm having a hard time believing it bc as an adult, it's harder to process information like these)
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circulars-reasoning · 2 months
Note
Hi, I hope this ask isn’t too invasive…
You’ve mentioned before that you’re an English teacher, and I was wondering if you’d be willing to speak a bit on how you became one (education? certifications?) and what it’s like for you teaching while living with DID.
The reason I ask is, I’m a senior in high school and I’ll be going to college in the fall. I’m really worried because I have so many alters who all want different things for my life. But in general, I’m drawn to teaching and many of my alters are okay with the idea of pursuing this as a career - especially if I can teach English, which has always been my best subject (I’m in the US).
I’m really scared about entering the adult world, and want to be as prepared as possible for this shift. Hearing from a system who followed the career path I’m considering would be really amazing!
If this ask bothers you or if you’re not comfortable answering it, I totally understand. Thank you for your time and consideration!
- Freya
Hey!!! Sorry I missed this ask -- I hardly use this blog and actually plan on deleting it soon. Just need to get around to reblogging the important posts.
But this is an important one, and I really want to respond here, in the hopes that you'll see it.
I'm an English teacher for 6th grade in the US, and I can say that, without a doubt, college was harder than being a teacher is currently. Do not let your experiences in college stop you from your goal. The professors will not be kind to you, especially if you don't know what's happening to you.
I'm going to pop this under a cut because boy howdy I am rambling.
In terms of college and working to become a teacher with DID:
Firstly, and most importantly: Scheduling. You will need to be completely on top of scheduling out your few years of college. You don't need to be perfect, mind you, but please be aware of what classes are required and when you will take them. My college fucked me over on this. The reason it's so vital is because most education programs in the US are 5 year programs -- 4 years of college, and a 5th year of one semester of a "practicum" (an unpaid internship at a school). During your practicum, you're not supposed to take any extra classes. I was taking 3 classes on top of my practicum to stay under 5 years. Don't do this. Either bite the bullet and do that extra 5th year of schooling, or plan accordingly so you don't get stuck the same way I did.
Now that that's out of the way:
DID definitely impacted my ability to study for things. It really helped having someone else holding me accountable; my partner, my roommate for 3 of my 4 years of college, really helped me out and basically did the education degree alongside me in spirit. If you can, find someone else to help you study.
That someone else should not be a fellow education major. This is because almost all of them will drop out by the time you graduate. That's a sorry truth, unfortunately. In my Junior Literature class of 6 students in my junior year, only 3 moved on with their degree; in my senior year, I was the only one who moved on. This is because college is fucking grueling, and everyone dropped out, thinking teaching would be harder (I'll get to that).
Don't try to overcome your disorder in college. Don't try to heal or recover while going through classes. Try to survive. You do not need to focus on recovery immediately, and it is a BAD idea to pile that much on your shoulders while in college and while teaching. Try to maintain and survive as best as you can. Recovery is a process and it will work on its own as you go through.
You can absolutely bullshit your way through an English degree, easy. It's not hard. Especially if you start writing about fanfiction in Lit 101 -- or at least, in my experience, that got me far. If you know you'd good at English, I would highly recommend it, esp if you're good at School English.
For your other classes, you'll likely have to do gen ed credits. Be creative and have fun. To fulfill my math credits, I took programming and "mathematical excursions" (you do fun shit with math and learn to pay for a house -- it was incredible). To fulfill science credits, I took Astronomy as a night class and got to look through a telescope during a night class for an A. It was awesome. (Well, ok, that class sucked, but you get the point).
DON'T OVERSTACK YOUR CREDITS. I wouldn't go above 18 credits per semester. I usually did around 16, and the minimum we could do was 12. Don't go minimum, but do not overstack. Again, scheduling, don't overschedule yourself.
You'll take a form of practicum each year more than likely. This will be where you go to a school and teach for a bit, and then you'll go do homework about what you taught. In your first year or two, you won't be doing almost any of the teaching; you'll shadow a mentor teacher who will show you how to do the thing. This is honestly so beneficial, but...
TAKE NOTES. For fucks sake, the memory part of DID fucking destroyed me in college, and notes would improve everything. Take double notes, honestly -- physical notes while in the school, and digital notes once you get home.
GET ENOUGH SLEEP. DID leads to insomnia so frequently. Start trying to keep good sleeping habits now, because it WILL get worse as college goes on. Do NOT do what I did and try to survive on 3 hours of sleep a night. It is not sustainable and you will catch every single disease these kids transfer onto people, I swear to god.
The Dean of Students will actually help. A lot. Please go to them if you're struggling. If you can't go, then send someone you trust to advocate for you. In my senior year when everything was going to shit with my mentor teacher (she was a horrible woman) and the admin at school were shitty to me (again, a horrible woman in charge), my partner went to the Dean and advocated for me. That mentor teacher was forced to retire from the school the next year, and my admin had to extend my semester by 3 days to give me a better practicum with someone who could actually do their fucking job. Do not feel scared to advocate.
Please. Please, if you remember nothing, remember this: do not listen to your coworkers in your final practicum. Don't listen to what they say about you becoming a teacher. These people are jaded assholes who, in my experience, want nothing more than to bomb the school. I wish I was kidding, but genuinely, so many of them are horrifically jaded and don't want to be there, ESPECIALLY when your practicum starts (which almost always coincides with state testing schedules). Teaching is awesome, genuinely, so long as you enjoy it.
And lastly for the college aspect: It gets easier. It really does. College was absolute hell for me up through senior year. This was because not only was I doing full coursework (ouch), but I was also starting to really understand and process bits of my trauma (yikes) and I was still with my abusers (yikes). This makes it so, so much harder, in so many ways. And I still did it. And now, here I am to live and tell the tale, and now that I am a teacher?
This shit is so much more forgiving. I have slipped up so fucking much, but as long as you do your best and mean well, your bosses will fucking adore you. They desperately need warm bodies in the room to help make sure the kids don't set fire to each other, and you are certainly going to fit the job description if you give a single shit.
Be open about some of your issues, but not all. I'm very open at work that I suffer from a disorder that leads to amnesia, but I'm careful about how I do this. "I actually have an issue that leads to a lot of forgetfulness, so if it's possible that you could send me a reminder of that meeting, I'd appreciate it." That's all I needed, and now we have a group calendar and my coworker has forgiven me numerous times for missing something.
Your mistakes as a system are completely seen as just. Normal Ass Human Mistakes. Forgot a meeting? Happens to everyone. Broke down crying in front of the kids? Shit fam, the teacher across the hallway walked out last week, you're doing remarkably just because you stayed.
The kids can fuck you up. Genuinely. They WILL trigger you. You WILL get memories of your childhood and it WILL hurt. And you will get through them with patience, time, and understanding. It'll be okay. Please, work hard on reminding yourself that these kids are not actively malicious. They do not understand your perspective.
To that note, almost every single teacher I know has a therapist. It is not a shocker to be in therapy. Most teachers need it. If you don't have one, I highly recommend getting one, if just to bitch about your coworkers with someone who will nod and say, "You deserved better than that, you're right."
Most of teaching is paperwork and meetings. Like genuinely, it's kind of ridiculous. We have meetings every Monday and Thursday, with occasional meetings on Tuesday and Wednesday. It's a LOT of meetings, and everything needs documented.
Work life balance. Please have one. This is when you start working on not bringing work home.
MULTIPLE CHOICE QUIZZES ARE OKAY. GENUINELY. I was so firmly against them as a student in college -- "that doesn't test genuine knowledge!" Neither does school. Please save yourself the hours of grading and do a few multiple choice quizzes. In some counties the system you use will autograde them.
God I could talk about this for hours on end. I'm really genuinely happy to answer so many questions about this. If you want to know anything specific, feel free to ask. I'm also over on @circular-bircular and plan to use that as my main system blog, so you can ask me more questions there if you want.
You've got this. I am absolutely rooting for you.
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theeroticlover · 9 months
Note
To the "earth-shattering blowjob anon"...yeah thats your tag now)
but I think it's wonderful that you are asking about this because I do believe we are made for pleasure and a woman that wants to give her man that, is pleasure in itself. I am also a woman (30), there are some things I found out over the years, although I had only few partners in the past, so I would like to share (but I apologize for my English it is not my native tongue)
also I would appreciate Mr. E.L.s opinion, I am always eager to learn.
The best bj (I found out) is the one he doesn't know is coming...he is sitting, just working and I walk up to him. I look in his eyes and give him a kiss while my hand slowly sneak down to his thighs. Man do have sensitive inner thighs as do women so I always take advantage of this and I do love man thighs....I trail my kisses from his lips to his jaw, down the neck and lower, lower and lower...I look in his eyes and get on my knees (I am a "bit" of a stubborn strong-willed woman, so when I get submissive it's already doing things to men) while I free him maintaining eye contact and upon seeing him in full I always smile. The want and eagerness I show is another layer of psychological pleasure combined with physical pleasure, this is the key.
I start slow and gentle with his head in my hand and my fingers on his tip, I draw small circles and move my thumb up and down his head to his shaft (the underside). I start kissing him from the base of his shaft just where his balls start and slowly go up...they become more intense, a bit sloppier with more tongue. My left hand massages his left thigh and I move it to cup his balls. When I'm ready to take him, I move my hand and fingers down his shaft while increasing the pressure...I look in his eyes, slowly open my mouth, lick my lips and take him in. I start slow but deep (don't forget to breath through your nose) I increase the speed but go more shallow, while assisting with my right hand I change the squeeze while going up and down, my left hand massages his balls and inner thigh. I see he starts to tense his legs, his breathing is heavy and his head starts to roll back....thats when I start to go harder. I increase my speed and intensity, I add my left hand to the job to fully work him, not one inch is left unattended. I hear his moans, his breathing hitches he goes tense aaaand......the sweet release. I don't stop, I help him ride it as long as possible. When I feel the tension leaving his body, thats when I slow down and stop. I smile. Kiss his member one more time and clean the mess I made of him while he is getting back to planet earth.
sooooo....yeah thats what I do. I hope maybe someone finds it helpful or at least entertaining.
Also Mr. E.L. you have an amazing blog that I stalk daily ❤️‍🔥
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That was 🥵 ....
Also Miss Anonymous, Thank You for being generous with your compliments...
Cheers 🥂
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Text
Fully Set-Up Johnlock Discord Server up for Adoption
@theshopislocal said:
Hiya :). I had a question for you, [...] Around this time last year, I got back into Sherlock fandom (series four kinda killed my interest for a long time, but I got recced a Sherlock fic that got me back into it). Since I left Sherlock fandom, I’d gotten into others (Spn, Harry Potter, etc), and joined a couple of discord servers that were super fun and very helpful.
So I started looking round for a Johnlock discord server, and found basically nothing. The ones that existed weren’t very well organized, or weren’t maintained well, etc.
So I put together a server myself. Set everything up, even coded a Mrs Hudson bot to help out around the place. A couple people I knew from other servers joined, and we had a nice time for about a week or so, before I realized that I’d expended all of my gumption on the making of the server.
Turns out that, while I’m good at the technical side of things, I’m not really mod material.
So I’ve got a kitted out server, with custom bots and emojis and a broad range of channels, and, not to pat myself on the back, but it’s a pretty nice server—and I have no idea what to do with it.
I was hoping you might know of someone who is still active enough/interested in the fandom to adopt the server from me? Someone who would actually advertise and get people to join? Someone interested in doing the mod stuff that it turns out I’m terrible at? I’d be happy to stay on as tech support, and the Mrs Hudson bot runs on a dedicated server that only costs me $2 a month, so I’m happy to maintain her as well.
You seem like someone in the know in the current fandom, so I thought I’d ask. If you can think of anyone or you want an invite link to the server, let me know. Although, fair warning, the server has very few members and is currently very quiet :/.
[...] The Snape/Harry server I’m in has all these events and fun stuff and I’m just.. not really able to do all that, but I feel like the Johnlock fandom deserves a nice community server like that, if that makes any sense?
Thanks for your time.
======
Hi Lovely!!
First off, sorry again for putting this aside for so long... I haven't been having the best couple weeks, LOL.
Secondly, as we discussed, I would LOVE to have my own discord server, but here's the thing: I am Lazy™, and I just don't have the energy to run one full time and ensure Mods and stuff are sorted out, especially since I do have a full-time job on top of very little free time and running this blog, LOL. I'm not gonna lie, I am a lazy bitch, hahaha.
AND as I mentioned, I'm happy to put the callout for anyone interested in taking over a Discord server :) From what I see so far, you put SO MUCH work into the server, and it's very very nice!! I truly hope that it gets picked up by someone, I'd be sad to see your hard work put aside.
If anyone is interested, please contact @theshopislocal and they can provide you with more details! 💜🖤
Please reblog if you can to put more eyes on this :) As I said, it's a BEAUTIFUL server, and I would love for someone to be able to take over moderation duties from Lovely!
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cybercl0ne · 11 months
Note
not sure if u do requests but I found ur blog recently and have been OBSESSED. I was thinking if you could do an arrange marriage fic for aizawa. I would absolutely DIE if u did. It can be any AU i wont mind since whatever u write will be amazing! I know it 💗💗💗
Will do! I love you so much. I wrote this trying to best fit my other pieces of work, so I hope you like it and I'm sorry I took so long to reply but I'm here now *plays graceful music*
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Summary: Your father sells you to a man that knows you from UA.
F/M (she/her)
A/N at the bottom!!!!
TW: Abuse, mentions of Abuse, Fathers a massive dick (again), massive Angst, 18+, slow burn, porn with plot, murder, Aizawa is Yandere
You tried to keep your head down. You wanted to speak. You felt the words you wanted to say bubbling up in your throat, desperately trying to simmer.
"Don't disappoint me Y/n." You fathers booming voice bowelled. His intense aura making you feel smaller than you already were compared to him.
"Yes father." You spoke, still trying to maintain a put together face. You were slightly confused as to what was going on but would never voice it as you learned where talking out of line got you. Your mind hissed at the memories of the endless nights of torture your father would put you through just so you would never talk 'out of place' again.
Unimpressed your father scoffed, watching as the car rolled to a sudden stop. He let himself out, leaving you to bear the responsibility of fear. His assistant opened the door, his heart sharing the same hole as yours. "Good luck miss." He whispered, cheering you on knowing that this tiny act of kindness could get him killed. You gave him a warm smile innocent but filled with bloodshed, wanting to be in his shoes, even as a assistant for a man like your father. At least he could escape. At least he wasn't wasted down by the overbearing responsibilities you bared.
His shoes were different from the feet you walked with. You quickly and quietly made way to catch up with your father who still ignored your existence for as long as possible. He stepped through the sleek sophisticated door, you behind his large frame.
Life has never been fair to you or your family. When you were born your mother fell ill causing her to be hidden from the outside world. Sometimes when you’d have nightmares you’d curl into the warmth of her bony chest, watching as her warm arms wrapped around you. She’d reassure you countless times, kissing your temple. But now those days were gone. You no longer could run into your mom's touch, watch her smile glow up the room full of iv drips and medicine.
"This is Y/n. Shes the one that you will be betrothed." Your fathers familiar booming voice declared. You stood shell shocked, not wanting to believe what your eyes had soaked in. "N-no...H-he didn't say that." You blinked a few times to make sure you weren't stuck in some messed up nightmare but found you were very awake.
Your father nudged you as he placed his hands on your shoulders and activated his quirk, burning into the cloth of your clothes. You wasted no time, bowing before the strange man. "She might be a little untamed but I'm sure you'll figure it out." He said, throwing you at the man that stood before you.
Your face was nothing but mortified as you saw your father walking out of the room, still sharing the same uninterested look at you as when you were born. "F-father?" You scampered towards him, scraping yourself and ignoring the man that you fell into. He shared nothing but a simple scoff.
You blanked as your world flipped on its side. You saw your father looming over you as if he had put something rotten in his mouth. The glint that he shared between you sent your body into hives and shivers.
"I am not your father. Don't call me that." "If it were up to me, I would've never had you." "I would've sold you off to some man any day, but it appeared he was the only buyer."
"So, play nice now."
As soon as he spoke your body reacted with the only reaction it could. You hauled forward, your body rejecting everything. As you threw up all over the poor man's floor you noticed the sleek black shoes your father always wore disappear behind the black door.
You desperately reached for his long-gone presence. tears and snot uncontrollably free falling in front of you. "P-please father!"
"Don't leave me! Don't leave me behind! I-I'll be good!" Your heart wrenching words dissipated into thin air as it would never reach your targeted audience. The only man in the room however rushed to your side, immediately comforting you.
You watched as the world went black.
You woke up with a heavy migraine, your brain trying to forget the part where your father basically admits to hating you at birth. You hold your stomach as you try to muster an emotion other than grief and freedom mixed but you find yourself unable.
You look around realizing that your environment was completely different from what you knew. The spacious room overwhelmed you and the man that laid across from you spoke danger. You quickly huddled up into your legs as the strange man stirred in his sleep, transitioning to a woke state. "W-where am I?" You spoke, your voice faint and hoarse. You cringe at how little words fall from your mouth. "My house." The man utters.
You decide to take a good look at him, taking in his gruffy patch under his chin, his eyebags and his ragged black hair.
"Shota? -"
Both of your faces light up upon remembering a distant name from the past.
"Hi y/n." He breathes a breath of relief. You grabbed him immediately, embracing him tightly as he stood stunned, unsure of weather to hug you back and risk never letting you go.
"I thought I'd never see you again." Aizawa Whispered softly afraid you might float away from how light you felt in his arms. You let go, examining his face once more, fighting the urge to pepper it with soft kisses.
"Oh Aizawa..." "I-I'm so sorry..." You stuttered. You felt immense guilt as he talked his worry of you onto you.
"I had to leave UA. I wanted to be like you, a teacher but my father..." You choked, not sure if you can even call him a proper father. All he ever knew was pain.
"Don't worry. You'll be ok now." He reassured, lightly stroking your head. You whimpered into his chest, carving small circles.
For the first time in a long time you could feel yourself breathe. It was like you no longer had to cover your mouth, or act like you were stepping on pins and needles. You were free.
——*a few months later*——
You thought you’d hate the idea of marriage. Being tied down to a lover, or whoever your father would put you with in the end. But Aizawa was determined to erase any mark that monster had placed on you, and that started with the roots itself.
Since Aizawa was a pro hero he was fully aware he could never kill the villains he pursued. But the more Aizawa held you at night and watched you wriggle and mewl in your sleep made the reasonable thoughts broil. He knew he just had to do something. He stepped downstairs at after finalizing his plan, seeing you downstairs preparing him another beautiful breakfast that he felt a little bad that he wasn’t gonna eat. But there would be many great meals that he’d enjoy with you after he got rid of the lingering problem.
You looked so peaceful with your hair tied up and idling in one of his t shirts, never failing to look like a supernova even in the groggy mornings. He couldn’t resist and had to feel you from behind if even to just get the smell of you in his mind. “Hey baby” Aizawa’s groggy and rasped voice croaked. You startled, jumped as he wrapped his arms around your waist, rocking you side to side to let you know it was him.
“Hey honey. You ready to eat?” You asked, spatula in your hand but your attention all on him. He loved the way you’d fill his stomach with butterflies like he was a teenager again when you looked up at him with trust.
“No sorry sweets, I’ll pass but I’ll be back to eat later.” He didn’t fail to miss how you deflated a bit but perked back up after he hugged you tighter you perked back up.
“Well alright. Just be back in time for lunch or dinner.” You nagged like a wife. You caught yourself on the words, visibly flashing a hand to your mouth. He laughed, thinking about how little you changed through the years, even through high school you were shy and reserved but around him you loosened up unintentionally. It made him feel like he had done right. He’d been told by many peers and other of his students that he was scary, but deep down Aizawa cared, just was very used to acting like he doesn’t.
He planted a wet kiss on your face, exiting the warm feel of your embrace, looking back at you one last time for a fond memory until he gets back from doing a little “errand”.
He watched from afar at his victim. He watched as he left in his black car that had been in his rear view. Aizawa watched as the tall buff man exited the car and into his esteemed home with no car in the world. He looked as if he had no concern. It made Aizawa want to erase him even more. Aizawa followed close behind posing as a pro hero just put on patrol. He banged on the tall door that assisted the tall lowly man.
The door shot open as his tall stature sank to the front door. “What?” His booming voice rang. Aizawa could tell why this voice hurt and scared you so much but Aizawa was determined to make sure you never wind ear of a melody as broken as his. The man was visibly puzzled when he saw no one was standing at his doorstep. Shrugging it off and grumbling back inside his domain. Aizawa, already one step ahead, was inside his house without anyone or anything hearing/noticing. He promised the job would be clean and quick, all so he could have as much time with you as he wanted for the rest of both of your lives. He watched as the man sat in his office with a state of the art tablet, focused on whatever shady business he was indulging in. Aziawa made no effort to hide any longer revealing himself to the perpetrator that taunted the love of his life for so long under the radar. “What are you doing in here? Who let you in?!”
“Y’know you should do your research a little better.” Aizawa spoke, ignoring his past comment. Aizawa quickly and hastily poked the knife he placed at his knee to the grown man’s neck. And without second thought he slashed. He made sure the cut were clean and watched as blood splattered from his neck. He made little to no noise. Only choking on his gurgles of blood.
He quickly dipped out of the crime scene leaving nothing behind. He was aware that your father had ties and Allies, but with those allies were his enemies. Enemies that hated him with a diehard passion. Some of his Allies were backstabbers anyway, but your father was blinded by his power that he failed to even realize that you were what was keeping his business up. With you being there and as his weapon made him powerful but alone his quick could be quickly outmatched.
Aizawa shrugged, concluding that he’d fall down the ladder sooner or later but just decided to speed up the process. By now it was late and he knew that he probably had a worried wife at home waiting patiently for his arrival home. His heart fluttered, leaving behind the murderous acts where they belonged.
As soon as he stepped through the door he was happily greeted by you jumping at him wrapping your arms around him. “Where have you been?” You asked worried. You scanned his body for any marks of harm but when you found nothing you warmly hugged him again. “Sorry I’m so late honey.” He whispered into your head. He picked you up holding his lips to your face. You scrambled under him to put you down.
“Aizawa! Put me down you maniac!” You laughed, clutching onto him as he walked to your bedroom. “But I missed you so so much darling.” He teased, placing you gently on the bed to pepper your face with kisses. He towered over you showering you with deep love.
You both paused to look at each other, both lost in the way the other looked. He gently lowered into you, his eyes intoxicated with a potent that had you falling deep into his lips. You both share a loving kiss Aizawas hands not knowing if they should roam down your body. You grab his hand after breaking the kiss and bring it up to your left breast.
“It’s ok Aizawa.”
“I trust you.” You clearly spoke into his ear. You watched as his face shared a bright dusk of blush as he slowly allowed his hands to travel down every curve and slope of your body. You shivered under his touch, mewling and mumbling under him.
He found his way to back to your breast, playing and toying with the hard nipple that formed from his touch.
“So fucking beautiful.” He muttered. You tended up as the words registered to your ears. You noticed the bulge that grew in his pants as he kissed down your stomach, his eyes pleading for permission. You nodded as he pulled and teased at your already wet panties that now fled attention to the floor.
“You’re so fucking wet for me princess.” You hid your eyes as he played with your slick that was soaking his fingers as they played with your entrance.
“No, no, no sweetie, don’t look away. Be good and look at your man playing with your sweet cunt.”
You reluctantly opened your eyes to see his two fingers coying with your needy cunt. You watched as his fingers lodged their way inside of you. You quivered at the new feeling of something wriggling inside of you. “So damn tight for me baby.” He whispered as he fixated all his attention to you pussy. You wiggled and moaned as he stretched and prodded at your needy hole.
“p-please”
“what princess?” He stopped, looking at you. You lifted your leg to brush against his raging bulge. You felt it twitch against your touch and watched as Aizawa seethed with pleasure.
“Tell me what you want” He demanded.
“Y-you.”
Aizawa clicked his teeth, freeing his cock from his pants. You saw how it laid out on your stomach. You imagined how easy you’d tear from how big he was. You were completely new to this, and a little intimidated by the girth and length of his twitching cock.
He pumped his member testing and readying it at your entrance. “Don’t worry baby, it’ll fit.” He soothed playfully. You flushed at how he petted your stomach as he stabled himself inside you.
You both seared with how tight everything felt. You felt the world spin as pain and pleasure mixed beautifully. You greedy pussy pushed for more of Aizawa’s cock as he paused to let you breathe.
“You’re doing so well for me princess” he kissed your teary face. “Is it all the way in yet?” You whimpered. He lightly chuckled, and shook his head softly.
“we’re not even half way darling.” He spoke. You felt yourself stretching and clamping around him as he thrusted his way inside you. You felt how his cock crawled into your cervix and deep inside your womb. You felt the way your pussy throbbed for harder movements.
“P-please keep going.” You voiced.
At that moment Aizawa lost control and started pounding at your womb. You felt your ass shake as skin collided with one another. You watched the small bulge in your stomach disappear and reappear every time he rammed in and out. Soon you start to feel the sensation of your stomach coiling around him. “Aizawa i-I’m gonna-“
“don’t worry I’m going to cum to baby.” He grunted. You watched as your cunt slicked more and more as his thrust became deeper and stronger. You grasp onto his back, leaving your own special mark on him as you screamed and moaned his name.
“That’s right baby, my name is the only name you need to know.” He panted. You felt the coil in your stomach snap as you started spasming around him, coating his cock with your cum. Not too long after you Aizawa chases his own high, nearing his climax.
“g-gonna fill you up. Gonna breed you with my children baby.” He said as he thrusted.
Your mind started going blank as he kept pounding your soaked and overly sensitive pussy.
“Y-yes please fill me up w-with your lovely cum.” You panted as you both stared eachother in the eyes.
You felt his cock explode and coat your womb with his load. You felt how his cum traveled its way inside you, some of it overflowing out of your twitching womb.
The room was filled with moans and pants, the room smelling of fucked out sex and the feeling of hot bodies touching each other.
Aizawa laid against you for a moment before pulling out, gaining a whimper from you and how the empty pop of his cock leaving your pussy made you shiver. He placed you in his chest, you still feeling weak and your legs still shaking. “I love you y/n.” He said, breaking the silence. He planted a kiss on your head, when he heard no sounds or reply he glanced and saw how you were peacefully sleeping on his chest, bundled up and face beautifully resting.
The next morning you woke up and next to you, Aizawa resting peacefully, arms around your waist. You kissed his nose and watched it scrunch up as he moved in his sleep. You quietly giggled while trying to escape his grasp. You went to the bathroom to clean the sticky sensation from yesterdays ‘nightly activities’.
As you stepped out of the bathroom, clean and new you traveled back to the bedroom to throw your clothes away when Aizawa’s rustling made his presence.
“Where are you going honey?” He asked groggy with his eyes still closed.
“sorry to wake you baby.” You kissed his forehead, waking up from the sudden movement of his love trying to get out of his embrace too early.
“Come back to bed.” He whined. You indulged him, laying back into his needy embrace.
He rocked you and wrestled you around and soon you both were play fighting in the bed.
“Aizawa stop that!” You playfully cried out as he tickled you. “Stop? Stop what? Oh this?” He tickled again over you. You kissed his lips and you both fell into a deep make out session. When you both break the kiss Aizawa just takes a second to watch you. Look at the love of his life. “Y/n please marry me.” He spouts. Your eyes glow as he hugs you waiting for your reply.
“Really?” You stuttered.
“Of course, you’re the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I’ve actually wanted to marry you since high school.” He admitted.
“Really?” You flushed, soon you two were having a conversation on how you both like each other in UA but never acted on the feeling. It was like you both were in high school again. Your heart felt fulfilled as you watched him ramble about how he was so into you and you never knew.
You cuddled up into him listening to him call you his wife.
A/N: hey y’all! Thanks to these two people who sent me a message! When I saw them I literally felt so fulfilled that I started on this last night. Sorry it took so long but it’s not done I still gotta do part 6 of Falling for a dead rose so see you then.🫡
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