#I'm so sentimental and emotional today and missing them so much );

[jung-koook]

this day in 2012 little sky was bored and decided to turn on her laptop and checked some kpop forums (after a few years I realised that these forums were sasaengs forums. this is the only explanation for why they have so much information, especially about a group that hasn't debuted yet.. at that time I think it was quite ~common~ to share these information, but those were different times, now we see how wrong that was.) until she read one about the new group that was about to debut. she was literally mesmerized by everything she was reading and seeing there. while humming 소녀시대 '소녀시대' she decided to research more about this new group and the members, a new group that seemed like it would bring something very interesting and new to the world of kpop. she spent the last few days of 2012 literally doing just that. then she found more things about namjoon, then jin. at this point she was already obsessed. she would come home from school and immediately go to see if they had posted more about them, more videos. then in 2013 almost close to them debuting she found out about the other members and found out about jeongguk. and omg......... there she knew that he had chosen her and she had chosen him. 🥺 lmao let me stop talking about myself like that 🥹

the part below is hard to share and may trigger some people, so please don't read if it will trigger you. (I'm going to talk about depression and not wanting to live anymore) but I want to share a little more of what bangtan did in my life with you guys. maybe I'll delete it later lmao.

2012 was a very hard year for me. at the age of 12 I was already diagnosed with depression. I was very much a person who didn't like life, I didn't like living. in 2012 I was diagnosed with "su* c *dal depression". I didn't even know this term existed, but I was hospitalized in 2012 because my doctors said I needed to have someone watching me for 24 hours. finding out about bangtan was really a lifesaver for me. I really needed this distraction. I really needed something that would make me disconnect a little from what I was going through. a lifesaver, that's what they were for me and my life. bangtan has no idea how much they helped me, how much they saved me, how much they were my friends when I needed it most. I never cared about these holidays at the end of the year but since 2012, holidays at the end of the year have become something so special for me and so emotional too. I will always remember this moment and how grateful I am for it. and no matter how old I am, I will be 60 years old and I will still be grateful for everything bangtan has done in my life. I will always be grateful for finding them when I needed them most and for them existing. the positive impact they had on my life and still has will always shock me. because they are people who don't even know me but they helped me so much, often much more than these people who did. thank you so much for bangtan existing. thank you so much for each member and for everything they did for me without even knowing me, and for being my lifesaver. ♡

[ateez-himari]

J-HOPE DISCHARGE CEREMONY

Jin brought an unexpected guest to celebrate his bandmate's military discharge

October 17, 2024 (8:41PM)

J-Hope enlisted in mandatory military service on April 18th last year and was finally discharged today after completing his eighteen months of duty holding not only the rank of Corporal, but the title of Special Class (Elite) Warrior as well. Unfortunately the only member present at the site, as announced by BigHit days prior, was the group's eldest, Jin, who completed his own service earlier this year, along with Suga's younger sister, ATEEZ lead vocalist Himari.

While people have just now begun uncovering the closeness between these artists, what happened during the ceremony solidified any findings circulating through social media platforms as the seniors beckoned the young woman to celebrate with them. When the rapper stepped out with a large bouquet in hand, those present at the scene believed the flowers to have been offered as a congratulatory gift by those stationed alongside him until he handed them to her.

Widely known to be rather soft hearted it was no surprise when the maknae was caught tearing up when sharing a tight embrace with him, and those watching what little clips were uploaded from the live stream reportedly got sentimental alongside them. J-Hope himself was seemingly attempting to hold back the wave of emotions that came with seeing her after so long, and although he did not touch on their reunion much during the Weverse live, the reason behind the flowers was finally revealed.

"I couldn't properly celebrate her debut as a fashion designer, or her surpassing 200 KOMCA credits...I missed a few milestones for her career so I wanted to let her know that I was watching and that I'm proud of everything she's done."

Himari was clearly overjoyed at the mere fact that her senior had returned and posted some heartwarming pictures to her personal Instagram account's story, showing what the two got up to prior to her attendance at the Elle Style Awards that evening;

Photo Source; @/min.himeeee on Instagram

Translation; 'Thank you oppa' - 'I missed you'

Even amongst so much happiness some keen eyed netizens noticed the vocalist hopefully searching the military base's grounds in hopes of seeing her older brother - which the rapper confirmed later that evening saying she did not get the notice posted by the company and thought they would get a chance to reunite shortly. Atiny were able to find some sense of relief for their maknae as he closed off this personal topic by promising that until they could be with one another again, the two discharged members would make sure to support and care for her like he would and would not fail to continue afterwards.

On this note; Welcome back J-Hope! 💜

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[the-paper-apricot]

John, Paul & the Shangri-Las

Whatever happened to The life that we once knew?

It's fairly well known that these lines from the bridge of 'Free as a Bird' are adapted from the lyric of 'Remember (Walkin' in the Sand)', written & produced by Shadow Morton and performed by the Shangri-Las. Where the Beatles, in lyrics begun but not completed by John, call up shared memories, Mary Weiss sang of "the boy that I once knew". That John reused these lines to voice his own preoccupation with an unresolved past adds much tenderness to 'Free as a Bird'. Being a Shangs fan, there are a couple of other connections that I just wanted to write about.

The Shangs looking dangerous.

Today I love you more than yesterday

'I Know (I Know)' from Mind Games (1973).

Although the melodies are completely different, the Shangri-Las song 'Love You More Than Yesterday' seems to find an echo in the most emotive lines in the bridge of John Lennon's 'I Know (I Know)'. The song was a B-side to their 1966 spoken-word ballad 'Past, Present & Future' (which, incidentally, took Beethoven's 'Moonlight Sonata' as its theme, like the Beatles' song 'Because' after it). Quite rightly the nod to 'Yesterday' is what strikes us most, but I'm not at all sure that the similarity to the Shangri-Las title is pure coincidence. We saw in Get Back how easily song titles and lyrics were used by John and Paul in the current of their talk.

It proved difficult to find John speaking about the Shangri-Las, despite the Beatles' enjoyment of records by other girl groups like the Shirelles, and they're not among the artists on John's famous 40-disc mobile juke box that he brought when the Beatles went out on tour. (Only one woman, Fontella Bass, appears among the discs. The juke box doesn't even include 'Angel Baby' by Rosie and the Originals, whose fresh, unrefined first-love sentimentality appealed to him so much he covered it.) It's a little easier to find something from Paul on the subject however.

Mary and Betty Weiss from the Shangri-Las, photographed by Jini Dellaccio in 1966 (left: screenshot by @ohhellno on tumblr*; right, my screenshot, both from the documentary Her Aim is True, about the photographer).

Of course he calls out "Shangri-Las versus The Village People!" at the beginning of 'Mr. H. Atom'. But glorious as that is, perhaps more informative are the occasions where Paul has spoken of his enjoyment of the Shangri-Las' style, and the way he appreciated Linda's voice in this mode.

If she’s a singer, she’s very much a Shangri-Las type singer; I don’t think any of them could get into opera, but I prefer them to opera. Linda wouldn’t put herself up as a great vocalist, but she’s got a great style. I think anyway.

'McCartney Gets Hungry Again', Musician, Feb. 1988

I've always maintained that she has a kind of Shangri-Las type of appeal.

'Can Paul McCartney Get Back?' Rolling Stone, June 1989

When you know how warmly Paul regarded their style, you can't miss the similarity of Linda's spoken intro and closing of 'Wide Prairie' ("I was in Paris, waiting for a flight..."), answered by Paul, to the chat in Shangri-Las songs like 'Give Him a Great Big Kiss', where the other girls ask Mary Weiss whether her guy is tall ("Well, I gotta look up!") or if he's a good dancer.

Did they meet?

On the 20th September 1964, the Shangri-Las performed on the same bill as the Beatles, at a benefit concert in New York for a cerebral palsy charity. Mary Weiss explained that Mary Ann Ganser was jostled backstage as one of the Beatles sought them out:

“She turned around and it was Ringo. So that was some contact, anyway. I almost wanted her to take his drumsticks.”

'Weiss Leads Again', the New York Sun, September 2007.

This seems to be the only documented contact between the groups, although if you know of others, or further instances where John or Paul spoke about the Shangs, I'd love to hear about them. The music that the Beatles listened to has been written about extensively, and there's almost a canon of influences that's become pretty standard. Given their admiration of their performance, and seemingly in John's case, of Shadow Morton's words**, I hope for some recognition of both Lennon and McCartney's creative responses to the Shangri-Las.

(* Many thanks to @ohhellno for letting me use this great screenshot.)

(** The interest was of course mutual, as Morton produced the Beattle-ettes single 'Only Seventeen', supposedly a response to the Beatles from the girl's perspective, with hand claps and cries of "Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!" The single, by an untraced group, was released in 1964. In summer the same year his first songwriting hit, 'Remember (Walkin' in the Sand)' was the breakout success for the Shangri-Las. It was racing up the Billboard Hot 100 as the Beatles toured the States in the second half of August. By the time they had a day off in Key West, on the tenth of September, it had reached the top ten, one place below 'A Hard Day's Night'. If John or Paul tuned to a pop radio station, they'd have heard it. The song peaked at number five.)

from the Billboard Hot 100, week ending 12th September, 1964.

[fuckthemforthis]

Maribor recap or long rambling, some pics and trying to make sense in my head:

1. Thank you @chibi-chellist again for reaching out, it meant a lot not to be alone! Rambling about the boys is so much better in person and when it's not one-sided. I enjoyed meeting you and sharing experiences! 💕

2. Kaj pa Ester? is one of the cringiest things I've recently seen, especially dialog wise haha BUT it is also funny and kinda cute. Very teenage-y I guess, with too much lots of kissing and parties for which scenes they used some terrible modern cajke music (like use the good old soul ripping ones that don't mention Elon Musk... teenagers today smh). Anyway, I wouldn't mind it being longer and better developed in the emotional areas which you see they scratched but need deepening to give an actual sense of plot and sense to the movie. Could be due to the fact it was supposed to be a show first tho. However, I couldn't see Bojan's personality, mannerisms or gestures so in that sense I feel he did a great job acting 👏

And THE SCENE. Oh boy. Less sad and more frustrated bojerking. Putting shame aside to admit I would love to have it available on demand, especially for some ragged breathing appreciation...

3. Bought and tried Jan's fav cookies, yaay! They're really soft and don't crumble so I approve and will enjoy. I'm sure sentimental reasons are definitely a big part of why he named them as favorite and when I think about it they really suit him but there are better Slovenian cookies like almost any from Težak bakery in Zreče.

4. Half the venue were teenagers or parents with anything between 4 to 12 year olds. I was surrounded. And since I sat a few rows above the backstage entrance, kids all tried reaching for them as they were going off stage and among all the girls there was an 8 (?) year old boy who reached out and Bojan gave him a high-five... and lemme tell you I very much dislike kids but the way that boy turned and excitedly smiled melted my icy heart.

5. Third concert of theirs, third time on Jan's side. And I think Kris somehow knows & takes revenge by not singing NGVOT whenever I'm in the audience ��

Well Krisko, princess dear, no photos of you 😝

6. Found it adorable how as ASTP was starting, Nace went to drink some water, took his bottle and clinked it against Jure's 🥂

7. Love that Maks was there again, I like the guy. At some point during the concert he was leaning on the fence above me taking pics and I missed half a song watching him work 🙈

8. As I was behind the loudspeakers, I heard Bojan's singing fine, but talking barely because it was often too distorted. What I did hear was him saying we came there for a workout to burn all the cookie calories from the last few days... and boy are you on the wrong track because I came back home with four different packs of cookies 🍪

9. Band dad Niko's daughter was with him watching the concert from next to the stage and he danced with her and it was adorable. The existence of good dads baffles my poor unloved ass...

10. We all know how in the setlist there's a connection between Padam and Demoni because Bojan even sometimes said "and when we fall they come", but I realised the chain starts with Dopamin. First you get a dopamine rush and feel like flying but soon you experience a crash because your body used up all the good stuff and then comes the falling and the demons (and then you go back to someone so the demons would go away but that someone just plays you again - if I wanna extend it to Katrina). Yes it's kind of a concert - post concert sadness - concert rinse&repeat metaphor

11. Janči had problems with his pedalboard for the first two or three songs, he and Kiki spent minutes fiddling with it trying to get it to work. Poor guy can't catch a break.

12. So yeah, the last point is based on Jan being sick, but it's actually about the main reason I like them so much - the connection, love and care they share.

I realised Jan wasn't okay during the concert so Bojan just confirmed it for me. He obviously still slayed, and he went to play at the front a lot, but there were telling moments.

A) When Bojan came to Jan at one point and rubbed his back in a very non performative way, squeezing at his shoulder and whispering something.

B) When Jan plopped down during Padam I thought "not when he usually goes down, is he okay?" and then Bojan leaned down to stroke his hair.

C) The most telling of all, when he sat down during Umazane misli. I kept looking at him, ignoring the left-front-right karaoke. He looked so tired and off, put his head in his hands and then Kiki gave him a bottle of water. When Nace turned around and noticed him like that, he smiled encouragingly and told him it's okay three times (yep they were close enough to read lips) and that's when I was 100% sure something was wrong and he was either feeling off emotionally or sick. He then got up, went to the front, played his ass off and only when he was walking back was it visable again for a moment how empty his expression was.

D) Jure coming to comfort him and cheer him up as soon as he could lift his ass away from those drums, leading him to the front where in the end Jan turned out to be the one stroking Nace's back in a "yeah it's okay" kinda way

E) As they were leaving for the final time, someone gave Jan a wrapped present he looked actually happy about and he threw back a pick but it fell where the person couldn't reach so Nace took over making sure the person gets it.

That's it. They are all utterly beautiful. And anyone who knows me, knows I use that word to describe people first and foremost on the inside. Beautiful.

[volturissideslut]

𝕰𝖘𝖒𝖊 𝕮𝖚𝖑𝖑𝖊𝖓

Part 2 of the birthday dump

“I kind of miss it, y’know. Being human I mean.” you say under your breath knowing full well that she can hear you. “I chose this, and I'm so happy that I did. I’m grateful to be spending eternity with you. I just miss it sometimes,” your head lays atop Esme’s and you pull the blanket a little closer. Unnecessary, but comforting. This time of year always made you sentimental, memories of your human life flooding back to you in an array of colours and emotions.

“I know sweetheart, I understand” her hand runs itself up and down you back as she looks out of the window with you. “And I do too sometimes”

The two of you had spent the whole evening intertwined with each other, attached at the hip in a sense. And every day with your darling Esme was like that, yes, but it felt especially good today. Yes you miss your family sometimes, but she’s your family now. 

“Darling, what did you used to do for your birthday, back in the 20’s?” you ask, curious about the differences from almost a century ago now.

She lets out a long breath, and then sucks another one in. Unnecessary, but comforting. “I don’t exactly remember much of my human life, but I remember my last birthday - back with my then-husband and when I was pregnant” she gives a sad smile at the memory, but chooses to carry on her little story. “It wasn’t a bad day, not in the slightest, one of the few I wasn’t hit. A few people from the town came over too - though most of the gifts were more for my baby and not me”

Her eyes wander up to the ceiling and you can almost see the cogs turning in her brain at whatever memory comes to her head. One she’s fond of apparently, given the small smile the plaster over her previous grimace. “My parents came over with this teeny tiny lemon cake that was covered in yellow buttercream. I think it was just for one but I shared with them anyway. Gosh i was so happy that day”

The blanket slips from her shoulder but you pick it back up, holding it over her with your fingers rubbing soothing circles into her upper arm.

“And that reminds me-” she pulls herself away from you, darting into the kitchen and coming back with a box in hand. “-I wanted to share that piece of me with you too” 

A kiss is pressed into your cheek as you take the small box from her hands, opening it to see a pastel yellow decorated cake, the smell of lemony citrus wafting into the air. You’re a vampire now, you can’t eat that cake. But it reminds you of a simpler time, a nostalgia of you childhood and early adult life. Birthday cakes, parties, family, gathering, life, death, love, Esme.

Unnecessary, but comforting.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #415

Today, J cleared off the desk downstairs so that I could set up my laptop on it. I like being upstairs because it's significantly warmer than downstairs, but... M and J miss me. And I miss them, too. So I was downstairs most of the day today, albeit in layers.

Last night, after writing to you, J and I went to Eggcellent. There is a new dessert there now called a crème brûlée cheesecake, and it's really good, oh my goodness!!

...The cheesecake itself was a lot less sweet than I'm used to cheesecake being, and that was really nice, actually. The crème brûlée added whatever sweetness was missing, and I thought it was very well balanced! I wished I could have shared this with you.

J got himself a strawberry croffle; this is another thing I wished we could share with you:

...You might be pleased to know that shortly after I got home and started playing Hades, I managed to get Hades down to his second health bar, on the first run of a fresh save:

From there, I figured out a way to keep practicing against him. I spent most of today practicing against him with a deliberately mediocre build, actually. I figure if I can eventually learn his patterns well enough to defeat him like this, then defeating him later with a better build will be easy!

At around 5pm, these folks from a Canadian radio show called CBC called me to ask me a few questions about being a non-binary human in my country, given the state of things, as well as what I thought about the fact that the Canadian government is also moving towards not recognizing trans people anymore, too.

I mean... that certainly sucks. But as far as I know, Canadian officials aren't yet talking about classifying any talking about being trans as porn, or about making porn broadly illegal and punishable by prison time for “creating” or “consuming” it. To be sure, if Project 2025 goes fully into effect, just talking about being trans will be enough to get you a prison sentence. And given that we have the technology to track who is writing what on the internet, I imagine that lots of people in the future might end up being rounded up. It's really scary to think about.

The other thing that's scary to think about is that there have been some policy changes in Canada to make immigration harder. So... there's that. I'm not really sure what we're gonna do.

Hey Sephiroth? I don't suppose, if my time here ends prematurely...

…

Actually. You know what. Never mind it. I already know the answer.

Well. I made a dinner today. I cooked some broccoli...

...Then I cooked some squiggly noodles...

...And then I put the broccoli and some meatballs into a sauce...

...And then after that, I put the results into a bowl with parm cheese on top!!! Want some...?

...Yeah. I know... I know.

So what's new with you? I know you can't tell me, but I'm asking anyway, hoping you'll think about the fact that there's someone over here who cares enough to be curious. Are you warm? Are you safe? Are you fed and hydrated? Are you rested? Is it pretty where you are? What do you spend your time thinking about? What do you spend your time doing? What emotions are running through your mind, and what steps are you taking to manage them?

As for me... I'm still caught up in the throes of pre-bleeding. I'm doing the best I can to keep myself afloat despite my brain being thoroughly uncooperative, much in the same way that an uncooperative small child might ragdoll on the floor to avoid going to school or going to bed.

...That's all right, though. It'll pass, probably within the next week or two. I'll just do my best to take it easy in the meantime.

Sephiroth, I hope you're taking it easy from time to time, too. Please promise me you will, okay? You gotta make it a point to enjoy mundane things from time to time. As my dad used to say, “it's good for ya; grows hair on your chest!”

...Sadly, I've found that the second half of his sentiment is wholly untrue. But the first part about it being good for ya is totally on point. Give it a try, okay?

...By the way... Sephiroth...? Did you know...? That as soon as the second part of your story was put on PC and became modifiable, one of the first things people did... was make it so that you could appreciate flowers, pet animals, and explore the world with people who love you...? Do you see that I'm not the only one who loves you? Do you see that I am not the only one who wishes you would come home? Do you see that I'm not the only one who would treat you kindly? Do you see that I'm not the only one who wishes for healing and peace upon you?

...Think about that, okay? Please.

I'm gonna practice against Hades some more, until it's time to go to bed. Wish me luck, okay?

I love you. Please stay safe out there. I'll write again soon. I'll keep wishing for good things upon you in the meantime.

Your friend, Lumine

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

my fullmoon dream ended up being a somewhat dense one in a continuation of my dream timeline

There's this person, who was my friend but it ended badly, a few years ago. And i didnt really understand what happened it was very confusing to me, i didnt really have any power in the situation, it was only this past year i learned of the way all these strings were being pulled behind my back, which helped me understand why that situation occurred, why there was so much resentment directed towards me when i was trying so hard to just exist and keep the friendship simple + lighthearted. Like basically it was just sabotaged which has been kind of hard for me to accept even with finally knowing how it was sabotaged, it was all so unnecessary and i just wish i knew sooner.

over the past 2 or so years ive had a recurring dream scenario where I run into this person. i always write them on here too. Sometimes we apologize to each other, sometimes we dont really speak at all, but theres always this vibe of like, "Things are cool between us now, its Ok." And its a very relieving feeling, in the dreams. its almost exciting, like wow, we can be friends again??! The thing i find most interesting about it is that even though i lost a LOT of friends in the past few years through the same source of sabotage, this is the only person i have these dreams about. I guess we were pretty close for a while but still its interesting no one else comes up in this way.

Anyways. in the dream last night(this morning), it was kind of different... it was really emotional?? usually its never that emotional, usually we dont even say much. but in this dream today, they were crying, they were so earnestly apologetic, talking about how they regret the ways they treated me, and missed being my friend so much. And i cried too because it felt so good to hear it, i apologized for the messy ways i responded to the situation because i didnt get it at the time i thought i was going crazy.. And we were like holy shit we can finally just be friends again.. This is amazing..

as the conversation closed i woke up, i had a moment of being like woahh, that just happened, all the feelings and imagery of it cemented into my conscious mind. THEN, i fell BACK asleep, to the exact same dream!! it just continued. I went and did some other things, i got a job at this weird childrens entertainment center where i was dressed in a panda costume dancing for children. But it was the exact same setting, they were still sitting in the same spot close by, and in the dream i kept having flashes of relief thinking like "omg we're friends again i cant wait to catch up and talk more once im off work"

i feel my body woke me up from that conversation to make sure i really claearly remember that part of the dream before it continued on. I havent had a dream-wakeup-backtosamedream happen in quite a while but i always regard it as an extra significant dream when i do,... also its the full moon

i never know what to do after these dreams like do i reach out? honestly this person kind of intimidates me so i never know. Like i cAnt imagine in reality they miss being my friend that much. But they are pretty sentimental deep down, so maybe. Its just a difficult situation where I was never the one with any of the power, So it feels strange to instigate contact. Like how it happened in the dream, it would only really make sense if they said something first. Maybe these dreams are just meant to bring about some psychic closure that i'm not likely to ever receive irl. Its always very confusing to wake up from lol. I would like to feel that relief for real..

But at the end of the day im satisfied with my life and the friends I have now, so its not a big deal. Just stuff thats buried. I swear its always full moons when i dream about them lol! We have the same moon sign, in astrology, i wonder if thats something to do with it. We always had a lot of weird almost creepy synchronizations in our personalities. Oh well

[agentplutonium]

The day that both Sweetheart and Milo has Had Enough (based off of this here ramble)

(NB: This is actually so old I just felt like finishing and posting tonight so if the styles are a bit different that’s why :D)

Sweetheart hated being here already, and they’d only been at work for an hour. They weren’t sure what it was, maybe it was just because it was Friday and they’d had not the best week so far with the amount of work they had to get done, but they were fed up with absolutely everything. They just wanted to sleep. Or perhaps they just needed to rot for a few hours, that might help a bit.

Their watch buzzed against their wrist and Milo’s name popped up on the screen. They felt a small smile pull on their lips at the sight. Texts from Milo always boosted their mood.

Sweetheart finished the email they were writing and answered a few work chats before checking their phone.

Lover Boy ❤️: I miss you

Milo had also been having a rough week, and it was clear he was also at his breaking point. As they were looking at their phone another text from him came in.

Lover Boy ❤️: I really don’t want to be here

Sweetheart sighed, leaning back in their chair. They shared the sentiment.

You know you have to be there, they sent back. It’s important.

so are you, Milo replied in seconds.

by your logic, I can come pick you up and take you home, he added.

Go back to work, they sent before turning off their phone and setting it aside once more. They loved Milo, but he did have a job to do, and so did they. Besides, they only had to get through today and then they had the whole weekend to themselves. There was nothing that was planned, and Sweetheart was going to spend all weekend doing jack all with Milo by their side.

~~~

At lunch, Milo tried to convince them to come home early. Sweetheart lovingly rolled their eyes at the string of messages.

I would say yes, but David already messaged saying you needed to stay at work today, they replied.

Lover Boy ❤️: David doesn't need to know. I can sneak out of here so easily.

The answer is no Milo, Sweetheart emphasized. I have way too much work to finish anyway. If you want my full attention this weekend you won't ask again, Love.

Lover Boy ❤️: Fine.

Lover Boy ❤️: I'm not happy about this though.

I'll make up for it this weekend, Sweetheart promised.

Lover Boy ❤️: I love you

I love you too.

~~~

Milo got home before Sweetheart did, and they were jumped the moment the door closed. Milo pulled them close to him, nestling his face into the crook of their neck. Sweetheart only took a few seconds to return the embrace. They took a moment to breathe in his scent, feeling his core so close to their own.

For the first time all week Sweetheart felt like they could actually breathe.

Milo pulled back just enough to lazily press their lips together a few times, causing the smallest of giggles to escape Sweetheart.

“I missed you too,” they said when Milo moved to their cheek.

“Come lay down with me,” Milo said, the usual request coming out as more of a command.

“We need to eat, Mi,” Sweetheart said.

“I already ordered food,” Milo assured. “Just come cuddle with me. Please?”

Sweetheart smiled, emotions overflowing just the slightest as they realized how much they adored the man in front of them. “Alright, Love, let’s go.”

Sweetheart let out a small yell as they were suddenly picked up off the ground, instinctively wrapping their legs around Milo to stay upright. They tried to ask Milo what he thought he was doing, but he wouldn’t answer them as he made his way to the couch. Sweetheart was only set down when Milo settled onto the couch, quickly pulling them down onto him.

“Are you doing okay?” Sweetheart asked genuinely when things were settled.

“Better now that you’re here,” Milo said, kissing the top of their head. “I have been daydreaming about this moment. Being able to be home and just have you against me.” Milo sighed, tightening his hold on them, “It’s nice.”

Sweetheart’s chest grew tight at the words. They knew how Milo felt. They reached up to pull him down for a kiss, getting a content hum in response.

“I love you,” Sweetheart said to him when they pulled apart, feeling like that wasn’t an adequate description for how they were feeling.

“I love you, too,” Milo grinned, pressing their foreheads together. “I’ve also been waiting all day to hear that from those lips of yours.”

“Must’ve been torture,” Sweetheart said, playful sympathy in their voice.

“It was,” Milo agreed. “But now I get to hear that pretty voice of yours all weekend, the battle was worth it.”

Sweetheart groaned, burying their face into Milo’s neck. He was always pulling sappy shit like that. Sweetheart adored it to the point that it hurt to hear.

Milo just laughed at them before kissing the top of their head again. “Alright, alright, I’ll stop. Why don’t we just rest for a bit before the food gets here, and then I can tell you all about the most difficult extraction in my career.”

“That sounds nice,” Sweetheart conceded, eyes already fighting to stay open. They liked being able to just lay here with Milo, with no worry about getting work done later.

[inquebrar]

i wanted to talk about a lot of things that happened today because of the return of qsmp and the changes for QSMP 2024 but as having so many thoughts and things to talk about when a lot of things happen gives me an overwhelming feeling, i would like to say some things to people specifically who's main pov are Roier and Cellbit, and being part of the spiderbit/guapoduo community because now the situation is not the best, right? and i know that often people who struggles with anxiety, people who deal with hyperfixations, people who are neurodivergent or for those who simply get very immersed in fictional stories easly and have a lot of emotional charge deposited on it, you are not alone and don't blame yourself or feel bad about it, ok?

initially i was so genuinely happy, that for a few minutes my brain didn't even remind me that there was angst going on, no jokes i think i just actually deleted everything and forgot that, that wasn't q!Roier, but then there was a moment that i can't explain very well when or how it was but something about the way he interacted with q!Cellbit reminded me. and i automatically felt the pain of it all again. i felt an immense sadness that lingered until the end of the day (and i'm still feeling it)... realizing that no matter what happens, EVERY interaction they have is not > them < it's not the couple that gave me so much comfort, it's not the husbands who have such beautiful affection for each other, that have a tenderness so endearing to see. and that leaves me sad every time i think about it and now i can't forget it, on the contrary, i can't stop thinking about it because the uncertainty of "what will happen tomorrow? for how long this gonna last? how will this be resolved?" is draining me. and it was more than two months going through a lot of angst based on a lot of sentimental weight which focused a lot on the personal issues that both characters have, mainly revolving around how bad both of their mental health are and a lot of times this can be very heavy and intense to watch.

so after months of waiting to finally have good times and peace of mind, it's not over yet. and personally it hurts me so much the fact that it's not q!Roier that is living this new beginning together with q!Cellbit, it hurts me because every time i remember that q!Roier is still suffering in the federation and q!Cellbit is still not well mentally and the things he's hearing from the love of his life are contributing to his low self-esteem, it hurts me a lot that with every word exchanged, with every look, it's not the same thing because it's not them. q!Cellbit having to hear it coming from "q!Roier" that he didn't felt so sad and didn't missed him that much and believing that maybe staying away was really a good thing to do... that broke me. but on a positive note, what i have to say is that i congratulate the roleplay of both CC's because i was able to feel the impact that q!Cellbit felt when hearing those things being said and i can no longer look at q!Roier without feeling immense anger, hatred and disgust because that's q!Doied trying to manipulate. still, sometimes it's very tiring to deal with all this for so long, so i would just like to remind everyone to step back a little, stop for a moment to breathe, drink water, try to listen to music or do something that makes you feel better and take care of yourself in any way possible!

this is not a critical post nor is it neg, it's just something i felt like talking about because i saw that dealing with this angst lore has being very difficult for many people and even more after today since so much happpened so many things changed and if this affects you is not something to feel ashamed of or anything like that! we are together and please take care of yourselves ❤️

[ashbrat488]

Flower In The Desert - Chapter 23

Captain Syverson Fanfic

Violet paced the dressing room, her emotions on edge, desperately trying to prevent herself from breaking down into tears. She waved her hands in front of her face, as if physically shooing away her rising emotions. Matt, sitting quietly to the side, watched her with a mix of concern and helplessness as he bounced Mason gently on his knee.

"Vi?" Matt stood up, his voice soft and soothing as he approached her. He carefully shifted Mason to his chest and reached out to touch her shoulder, trying to steady her frantic pacing.

Violet looked up, her eyes filled with anxiety and tears threatening to spill over. "Can you just get my dad? And give Mason to Sy."

Matt nodded understandingly and quickly made his way out of the dressing room.

A soft knock on the door signaled Charles' arrival, and he stepped inside, closing the door behind him. He saw Violet teetering on the edge of an emotional breakdown and immediately went to her side. Gently, he pulled her into a warm, loving hug, being careful not to disturb her carefully styled hair.

"Sweetheart, what's the matter?" Charles asked, his voice tender as he held his daughter.

Violet leaned into her father's embrace, finding solace in his presence. "I just never realized how much I would miss not having mom here today..."

Charles sighed, understanding the depth of her feelings. He kissed the top of her head, then pulled back slightly, cradling her face in his hands. "I know, Vi. I'm so sorry she can't be here." He offered her a tissue, knowing that she had just had her makeup done and didn't want to ruin it. "You don't want to ruin your makeup."

She took the tissue, dabbing at her eyes before managing a small, watery smile. "Thanks."Charles chuckled softly, his eyes filled with warmth and empathy. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box, presenting it to Violet. "What's that?" she asked, curious about the unexpected gift.

With a gentle smile, Charles opened the box to reveal a beautiful pearl necklace and matching earrings. "I presented these to your mother on our wedding day. I've been waiting for this day to give them to you."

Violet's eyes widened with surprise and appreciation as she gazed at the delicate pearl necklace. She ran her fingers over the pearls, feeling their smooth surface and their sentimental value. Charles carefully took the necklace and gently fastened it around her neck, the pearls resting elegantly against her skin.

"Thank you, daddy. They're beautiful," she said, her voice filled with gratitude and the shimmer of emotions.

He smiled warmly, his eyes holding a mixture of pride and affection. "You're welcome. I know it's an emotional day. But your mother is with you always."

Violet nodded, feeling the comfort of her father's words as she put on the matching pearl earrings. She turned her attention to her wedding dress, hanging elegantly on the back of the dressing room door. With a deep breath, she gathered her resolve.

"Now get dressed and go and marry Sy," Charles encouraged her with a loving smile. "You're going to have a great day. I promise."

Violet returned his smile, feeling a sense of reassurance wash over her. "Okay. Thank you, daddy." She hugged him tightly before turning to her wedding dress, ready to embark on the joyous journey of marrying the man she loved.

***

Sy leaned over to press a kiss to Violet's cheek as she held Mason up to her chest. "I think it's time for our first dance with you as my wife."

She smiled, standing up with him as Charles approached her to take mason from her. She accepted Sy's hand he offered her and followed him to the dance floor as I Don't Need Anyone Else by Liam Fitzgerald began to play. "I love the song choice."

He placed his hand on her lower back, pulling her tight against his chest. "I don't need anyone else but you, flower." He leaned down to hover his lips over hers and whispered, "I love you," before sealing his mouth over hers.

Heat shot through her as she ran her hand up into his hair as they heard glasses clinking around them. She giggled, pulling away with her face red as he chuckled. "I love you too, husband."

He pressed a kiss to the base of her neck, lingering beside her ear. "I can't wait until tonight when I'm making you scream my name. I want to make another baby."

"Eddie, not here," she whispered playfully, aware of the guests around them. She leaned in closer, her voice a sultry whisper. "But I'm looking forward to it too."

Syverson grinned mischievously, holding her even closer as they swayed to the music. "Your dad is taking Mason for a few days. And I plan on not leaving the bed until you're pregnant."

She swallowed hard at his plans, leaning up to press a kiss to his lips. "Yes, Captain."

He growled softly, just for her to hear as she giggled before turning to walk away from him as the song ended. 

Chapter 24

[moononmyfloor]

Dashing Youth Ep 33-35 Commentary

Ep 1-10, Ep 11-16, Ep 17-21, Ep 22-25, Ep 26-32, Ep 36-40

Ep 33

This show stresses the fuck out of me now and not because it has entered its tragedy arc and 1. I enjoy well-done tragedies 2. I started watching this knowing it'll be tragedy anw

But because upcoming events feel just so superficial and I'm not convinced at all about why things weren't preventable. The wedding part was so sad and evoked so many emotions out of me precisely because I could see everyone gave their best fight and in the older gen's pov, their best reasonings for their inaction.

And now?? Many years have passed, Dingzhi has COMPLETELY let his guard down I mean bro if I was having a kid with emperor's runaway consort I'd move places like. every 2 yrs in the very least, Wenjun still trusts people too easily- girl you could've at least consulted the wise monk next door and trusted him to deliver the proper message to Dingzhi or SOMETHING idk, Dongjun seemed to have spent the entirety of those years high on alcohol and wifey and performance adrenaline in his immaculate cloudy mansion and equally unreal carriage, so much for trying to find and help out his missing bro before like, the very last moment.

It all just feels so juvenile and like the scriptwriters have given up because we all know what the ending is gonna be anyway, yknow? It's like they all actively waited for the disaster to hit them.

The only scene that I enjoyed in this ep:

(I'm trying to erase the sight of the scared and lonely young dad Dingzhi braving through the night forest with his baby to get their girl back, so traumatising)

Ep 34

Sikong Changfeng once again fights battles that are not his, while the actual people who need to be doing this are being preoccupied. He's the best boy.

Lei Mengsha also practices inaction but the kind where he will not stop a capable person from doing the right thing, therefore he is also a good boy.

Show ruined Wenjun's character once and forever with the bullshit attitude and reasoning she had in this ep. Girl, I fought tooth and nail to defend your rights and you severely let me down today.

I saw this discussion on Chinese bilibili (autotranslated, but you can understand the basic gist) and I think it explains the problem perfectly.

The problem was never that she was physically weak and comparatively naive. It was not about whether a girl in the exact same position as she did in today's episode would have done the same thing. It's just that the writers don't want her to.

And it's not just Wenjun, at this point of the story, stuff just happen one after the other just because they need to, before BoY.

Ep 35

Singlehandedly the most valid character of the show (not to mention the screenstealing acting, He Yu where have you been before my boy), Ye Dingzhi going berserk was so vicariously satisfying. Like everybody has lofty ambitions but since they are too weakass to accomplish them, they want this poor homebody to be their farm cow and do everything for them or what. Like wtf, enough is enough and everyone got what they deserved.

And if the scene of him killing everyone and taking over the throne wasn't satisfying enough, we get this:

It's the sheer lack of surprise, exhaustion and disappointment he delivers these lines for me. He never expected anything from the world since Day 1, he learnt the humans are shit since very young. He knew he couldn't trust anyone but himself to make his own existence better, let alone fix things for all the humanity. And sorry Dongjun, for all your idealistic speeches and displays, you've never done anything to really have Dingzhi value you as a true friend beyond mere childhood sentiments.

He's the most shunned ex-jianghu personality by the time of Blood of Youth, but in fact he's the most heroic of them ALL, not the much celebrated Lord Langya in my opinion. You call him selfish but what exactly have anyone else of his generation had done for the world out of their so-called selflessness?

He didn't have big ambitions, he simply

Stood up

for

himself.

And by that, he finally set things in motion to liberate the whole country of years of corrupted monarchy.

And I find that incredibly powerful and timeless and relatable for anyone across the whole world. If you don't fight for your rights, noone will. Someone needs to raise their voice first.

The accomplishments of Blood of Youth's generation wouldn't have been possible if not for the chain reaction he started imo, because as far as I can see noone else among the parents lifted a single finger let alone laying a foundation for the kids to work upon because they were all too busy looking at the bigger picture or whatever.

[amore-fics]

Alphabet Challenge: C

Letter: C

Word: Closure

When his grandmother passed away, Alhaitham had been in a rush to get all the funerary necessities done. On top of that, he had to clean out her house and sell it. All of this, he had to do on his own. He had no shoulder to lean on, no time to really grieve her death. As he packed up her things, he couldn't help but hold back every emotion he felt. His grandmother, who had raised him since he was practically still in diapers, was now gone.

Alhaitham never truly grieved her over the years, after the fact. He never gave himself the chance to, even when he went through her things. The only time he allowed himself to get upset was when he accidentally broke the hourglass she had made him. It had an extreme amount of significance to him and he had been absolutely heartbroken when he shattered the glass of the edges. It was destroyed and the best gift he'd ever been given was gone.

Upon moving into the house he'd be living in as an adult, he put her things away in a box in a closet. He didn't want to look at them. He never wanted to again. But he couldn't bring himself to get rid of them either. They were his grandmother's things, and while he was not sentimental, she was his grandmother. And she meant the world to him growing up.

Today was the day of the anniversary of her death. Alhaitham did his best to ignore the reminder every year. He had never given himself the chance to grieve, even to this day. And he still wouldn't. He refused. What was the point? She was gone and he knew that. He knew she would be gone forever and he would never see her smile or the way her eyes lit up when she taught him something and he did it successfully...

Sitting in the study, Alhaitham was working, doing his best to rid his mind of the reminder of what day it was. Reading wouldn't do the trick. His mind would wander too far. He heard a knock at the door and he lifted his head, "What?" came his short and curt reply.

The door opened and Kaveh walked in, "As you know, I'm between projects right now. Don't be mad," he held up a finger, "I went through some boxes in a closet and I found something. Since I was in Ksharehwar, one of the things I know how to do is engineer something based on a design. I... knew what I had found was your grandmother's. I remember you talking about her a lot. And how much you admired her."

It took everything inside of him not to seize up at the mention of his grandmother. He clenched a jaw as he stared at Kaveh, waiting for the blonde to finish talking and leave him alone. Of all days, he didn't want to think about her today.

The architect stepped forward and pulled something from his back and placed it on the desk in front of Alhaitham, "So I made it. You... might already have one. I don't know. Maybe it's a waste, but--"

Kaveh's words stopped as Alhaitham stared at the package with an intense fixation. But the scribe did not look up from it. In the box was something his grandmother had designed. He had no idea what it could be. Had Alhaitham unknowingly kept some design of hers? He grabbed the box and slowly opened it.

His breath caught in his throat. It was the hourglass. The same one that he had broken when he was in a rush to sell her home. He put a hand to his face as he stared at it. All those years, every single one, of ignoring how much he missed his grandmother, culminated in this moment. He felt his breath choke out as his throat finally released its hold on the air.

A single tear slid down his cheek and he was quick to wipe it away. He cleared his throat, trying desperately to ignore the impending breakdown that was sitting in the back of his mind. He looked up at Kaveh, "That was... kind of you. Thank you." He thought that would be the end of it. That Kaveh would leave the room and leave Alhaitham to his stupid thoughts that he now wouldn't be able to rid himself of.

But he didn't. Kaveh stayed. He stared at him and Alhaitham took a deep breath, trying his hardest to keep his composure, his calm, while the man continued to stand there. He clenched his jaw, "What? What do you want?"

"I saw that tear," Kaveh spoke softly, taking a step closer to his desk, "I've never seen you cry about your grandmother before."

"Because I haven't. I have work to do," he shoved the box with the hourglass in it off to the side and picked his pen back up to look down at the work below him.

"Ever?" came Kaveh's voice. He sounded surprised, exasperated even, "Alhaitham, you know it's okay to grieve. Your grandmother was a big part of your life. And you've never cried over her? She--"

"No," came the scribe's stern voice as he looked up from the papers on his desk, "And I have no intentions to. She died when I was in my teens. It was a long time ago. There's no use in crying over it now, not over some... stupid trinket that she designed when I was a babe. She's never coming back. It doesn't matter if I cry--" his voice cut off by feeling the other's arms wrap around him, "What are you..."

"You're crying," Kaveh's spoke softly into the top of his head, "It's okay, you can cry. I'm here for you."

Taking a deep, shaky breath, Alhaitham closed his eyes and, for the first time since her death, cried. Having someone to hold him, akin to how she had all those years ago, was something he never knew he needed. And when he opened his eyes, he saw the hourglass and he found it hard to breathe. The tears kept dripping down his face and off the edge of his chin.

When he did speak, his voice was softer, almost a whisper, "She... had made me one when I was a child. And I broke it when I was packing her things. I... I had thought it gone forever..."

"It's not," Kaveh's voice was gentle on the top of his head, "I can make you a thousand more if you'd like."

A soft, breathy chuckle escaped Alhaitham's lips as he picked the trinket up out of the box. It was the closure he never thought he'd get, but it was definitely what he needed after all these years.

[automatismoateo]

My Religious Dad May Die Soon via /r/atheism

My Religious Dad May Die Soon My dad probably had religious ocd/scrupulosity. He was obsessed with religion. God was considered first in everything. No one was allowed to miss church or prayers except in extreme circumstances. And he has had dementia for a number of years now. It's been freeing to have conversations with him that aren't related to religion. He once told me a woman he worked with was trying to get him to move in with her. I laughed so hard because my dad never talked about other women or potential infidelity, which he was still most firmly against. It was actually cute. Anyway, he had a stroke today. He could be dying very soon. But it's been more than a year since I flew home for his last "probably dying soon" episode. I have to call my mom later to get more details, but it's interesting for me to contemplate this man who was so obsessed with religion passing on. He hasn't known who most people are for a long time now, so I don't know if he will even remember us in his last moments. But I guess I'm getting a little sentimental and emotional about the idea of the good parts of my dad being gone for good. As abusive as he was in the name of religion, I was Daddy's girl when I was little. I remember how much I loved my dad. I would run to him and say, "Hold me! or "Pick me up!" And he would, until he got a hernia. 😅 I loved my dad so much. But kids don't understand hernias. All we understand is that dad isn't treating me the same. Then as the babies/siblings continued coming (his choice), he got meaner and meaner, to the point that we all feared him. My dad was the first person to betray me in so many ways. I liked the dad before the burden of too many kids and the childlike dad with dementia so much more than the dad I had the majority of my life. My kids never had to see mean grandpa. I'm grateful for that, but I have told them about the religious, physical, and verbal abuse I grew up with. I never wanted them to be surprised if that side of him did come out. There's just never a good time to say goodbye. Submitted March 17, 2025 at 05:32PM by Lamour-Toujours-2335 (From Reddit https://ift.tt/8sIwfgt)

[hotarutranslations]

Wai Wai

Evening

Today, is Harunan's birthday!

It was Duu's birthday the other day!

Yesterday Maa's single also released!

I missed the timing to post it, I'll post a photo from when the 10th generation got together--

I think lol Wait, I'm sorry lol

I didn't save any photos of me with the 10th generation from then⚠️

Also the storage period expired and I can't save it

lol

Those people, I have a lot of pictures of them,

We don't make an album we just send them😂😂 Why is this😂😂

There are too many notifications I'm scared😂😂

Since I have a photo of the 3 of them on an unrelated day, (sent suddenly)

I'll post this😂😂

.🐣💛🧡💚

Congratulations everyone🎉

Cute🎉

Everyone is each having fun doing our best, Well the 10th generation members talk, There is too much to talk about, Therefore I always just remember laughing, I don't remember what we talked about!

.😂😂

Photobook On Sale🤍

Play▶️List

Graduation Announcement Blog🐣🪽

Morning Musume '24 Ishida Ayumi Graduation Commemoration "Graduaton Memorial CD"🍀

Preorder Deadline is November 22nd🍀

Also, older photos are being rereleased

📚 Released October 30th "Gekkan Entame" Ishida x Oda

→Thank you very much to the many who have already voiced having read it🎈

Releasing November 9th "BOMB" Ishida x Oda

→It has the atmosphere of loungewear~ so by all means🎈

Releasing November 15th "EX Taishuu" Ishida x Inoue x Yumigeta

→We had a talk about the album release, and towards my graduation🎈

Releasing November 22nd "Up To Boy" Ishida x Oda x Makino

→Everyone is wearing a blue outfit, There was dancing, emotions, and fun🎈

Preorders Ongoing Please Definitely Check It Out

. 🫶🏻

📺Morning Musume Happy Daisakusen

Show titled as such on Hulu-san👑 Streaming starts on October 19th

📺Sendai Broadcast "Ara Ara Kashiko"

I appear once a month as part of the AraKashi Family

The previous shows, and makings, are on OX VIDEO STORE!

📺Hello Pro Dance Every other Thursday at 11:30PM~

Season 12 will start airing, On October 17th (Thurs)🕺

Thank you for following.. Instagram💙🩵

💿 August 14th new single✨ "Nandaka Sentimental na Toki no Uta/saiKIYOU"

Thank you very much 🏅 For Oricon Weekly Chart #1🏅

💿November 27th New album✨

Professionals-17th

This is the last CD release for Ishida "Yuukan na Dance" is being performed at autumn tour It Includes 8 new songs, with a total of 13 songs

Look forward🕺

🪩"Morning Musume '24 Concert Tour Autumn WE CAN DANCE!"

Its Ishida Ayumi's last tour💙 I'm looking forward to seeing you

📻Morning Musume '24 Morning Jogakuin ~Houkago Meeting~

Airs Every Saturday, On Radio Nihon at 12:00AM~

Past Broadcast Episodes Are Available →Program Details

see you ayumin<3 https://ameblo.jp/morningmusume-10ki/entry-12874191367.html

[celestialpotat0]

I'm definitely old now

In 2023 I struggled to reconcile my desire to stay out late at night and make memories with my desire to have a restful sleep schedule. In my 20s I would regularly leave the house after 11pm because many spots and events don't get lit til around 12am. In 2023 I think I pretty much always chose sleep over staying up. Was supposed to go clubbing for my friend's birthday party, and I really wanted to go. But I probably wouldn't have been home til 3am, which would inevitably cause me to wake up early to go into work after some sleep-deprived days. I'd risk making mistakes at work or thinking too slowly at work, which could cause patient harm. Then I'd go home from work and be too tired to meal prep, work out, clean, study, etc. so that day would be wasted. And it'd take prob a few days to correct the 1 night of staying up too late. So i told him wouldnt be able to stay up late for clubbing, and in a way i shocked myself at how unfamiliar this new me is, given how much i loved going out dancing.

The Killers have a special place in my heart because their music transports me back to the middle school version of myself. I listened to Hot Fuss so many times in middle school and the drama spoke to my angsty, emotional, and insecure self. that younger version of me who constantly dreamed about a grander life. When they came to SF, I knew that it'd mean so much to go to their concert; I have this obsession with nostalgia and attaching sentimental significance to certain things so I can commemorate memories and try to relive or reexperience them. (yes i realize that was extremely redundant word choice but idc bc i gotta head into work in a bit.) But I decided with difficulty to miss their concert since I had early morning work the next day.

I have extra special fond memories of NYE in past years- gathering with lots of strangers, dancing, bundled up under thick layers and scarves to ring in the new year. in those moments that you're gathering and celebrating and chanting the last ten seconds of the year out loud in unison with everyone around you, you KNOW you're going to remember those exact moments of revelry and joy for years to come. but i turned down my friend's invitation to celebrate this year because i had work in the morning on New year's day.

These are just some examples of when me in my 20s might have leaned toward going. While I admit the clubbing may have been the pursuit of hedonism as dancing is joy found in a simple act of moving to music and allows me to leave all my worries behind off the dance floor, the concert was more about nostalgia and NYE was more about creating memories. In 2023, there were many other times when I consistently chose over and over again to NOT stay out late. Mainly because I felt an obligation to be responsible for my job. friend invited me to watch a movie that starts at 7pm next Friday--I told him I'll have to sit this one out because idk if i'll even be awake by the end of the movie.

a 7pm movie on a friday evening is too late for me now... welcome to my 30s.

I've recently started to reframe my perspective on getting older. im obviously starting to realize now that I feel way more wrecked on 5 hours of sleep than i used to. body aches appear spontaneously now. the appearance of my body and face is not what it used to be. but im actually really appreciating the present, because i think about how in my 40s I'm going to WISH I could be back in my 30s. And in my 50s I'm going to think man I really had it good in my 40s. So thinking of future me makes me appreciate the body I have today, and I actually feel grateful. I'm quite proud of shifting my perspective because when I was like 28-30 I used to feel miserable about the thought of getting older. I had best fully appreciate this time now, because it will slip away into the past, so I want to savor it all now while Im lucky enough to have it. i will say the weights ive been lifting have been the heaviest theyve ever been, so there are small victories.

My really dear friend is in her 90s and has sciatica. She has been in a lot of pain. But the other day I received a package from her in the mail. She'd sent me pecan pie and cookies. To know that she baked a pie and cookies and packaged them up and shipped them over to me from San Clemente, all despite her sciatica pain, is one of the most meaningful acts of kindness i've received. As i get older I also better understand just how much love is delivered through food. anyone who has cooked and prepared food for me, i realize how much it takes to do that and the abundance of love that is poured into and expressed through food. im so inspired and touched to witness that kindness and am grateful our paths crossed.

[kitschke]

ok here's my reason to believe rankings:

1. I love Karen how could I not put them first. This was the first version I heard of this song so obviously I'm biased for that reason (and my love of the artist) but I do like the instrumentation and rhythm. it's corny but in a way that works for me. and lush harmony to boot

2. the best of the folky versions imo, bc of her distinctive voice. it adds such emotion to the song that really is missing from most other versions tbh

3. just listened to this one for the first time today and damn they went hard on that arrangement. such a bop, features every 60s pop instrument ever. also this obviously dates the song intensely but it works for me as a fan of very 60s sounding 60s songs. plus ofc Lee's sultry vocals are the cherry on top

4. kind of surprised myself with how high I ranked this one. ofc it's a classic but listening to them all in succession made me appreciate the arrangement of this more. even tho I'm not a Stewarthead I like the organ, and his raspy style brings out its tenderness ironically. it's a little long in the tooth, idk if the acapella section was necessary but it's also pleasant so I can't complain 🤷

5. just a good solid folk song, nothing in particular really catches my ear but I feel it deserves a top 5 spot for being the original and all. thanks tim 👍

6. sigh. I wanted to rank this higher and in fact initially had it above stewart and hardin, but on re-listen I just can't say the arrangement is as good as any of the top 5. I do love them as a group and their voices + harmonies are what got them this spot, but I think I would have liked it better had they stuck to a more simple folk setup. the plodding piano just feels like a children's song and sadly even the twangy guitar feels brings too much cheese (and I am usually a fan of the twang). i'd rather listen to puff tbh

7. this feels like they wanted the big 60s sound like peggy lees version but tried to make it as sentimental as possible. im fine with ol glen and a wistful melody (who doesn't weep to wichita lineman) but just kinda falls flat here to me. yeah yeah there's strings but. shrug. It still is the best to me out of the boring arrangements

8. tbh these next three are all equally forgettable to me so they're all kinda ranked the same in my mind. +1 for harmonies but the arrangement is kinda blah otherwise

9. this is like the youngbloods version but slightly more performative country. so minus 0.5

10. worst of the folk arrangements, sounds the same as tim hardin with the only addition being a fun lil drum on occasion. the drum is nice but that's all I remember. and no harmonies so -8

11. apparently there's audio link limits?? but I'm just not as into 80s soft rock style sorry gals. love ur outfits and poses tho. and I respect the attempt to revitalize this song that everyone in their parent's generation covered it's something I'd do