#I'm too bitter and angry and hurt to tell the one I was planning right now so

[imissthembutitwasntadisaster]

Wait I think I'm changing my entire inklings challenge

[bonny-kookoo]

But Ninny, just imagine lock me up mc going into preheat and defective Yoongi gets all protective over her 🥺 anon was onto something with that heat ask honestly 😮‍💨 jk jk….unless 👀

You're antsy again, right when he'd thought he'd gotten you comfortable enough so you wouldn't try and escape anymore.

But your little outdoor adventures aren't of the usual kind either- you definitely stay in close proximity to his home, never even reach the streets, always rather roaming the rooftops, and he can see on his little GPS tracker on his laptop that you're somewhat pacing around.

Something's off, and he needs to know what.

When he reaches the rooftops, it's a little windy. Not too chilly, but a nice fresh wind blows, sun setting- and there you are, rolling on your back in the bright golden sun. "You're getting your clothes dirty." He comments, and your tail snaps up at his words, as you roll again to sit on your knees now, some dead leaves caught in your hair- but one flick of your ear and its gone with the wind, while you look at him like you're conflicted.

"I wanna sleep here tonight." You tell him, and his brows lower in confusion.

He's keeping his distance- both because he's not sure if you'll try and jump because down the line it wouldn't surprise him considering your rather... spontaneous nature, and also because your body language screams at him to stay away.

"Its gonna be cold." He tries to reason. "Why'd you wanna sleep outside?" He wants to know, and you become nervous at that, moving your legs around a little to adjust the position in which you're sitting-

And that's when the wind turns a but, making him catch your scent.

Oh.

"Yeah well- you know.." you stammer, nervous. "Even if- you know, you pick up stuff for me, it'll take almost an entire day to, you know, make me not stink anymore.." you mumble more or less, not looking at him.

"You don't stink, idiot." He clicks his tongue, before sighing. This isn't something he'd planned ahead for. "I can still go downtown and pick some shit up if you tell me what you typically take, and I promise my hands stay to myself at night." He tells you.

"Hm yeah cause it's easy for you.." You say almost disappointed.

"What do you mean?" He wants to know, and you turn around at that, your back facing him as you hug your legs.

"Nothin'." You huff stubbornly. "Go get me some Feline Help, or ChangeWay, I don't care which you choose." You mumble almost incoherently into your knees, drawing something in the dirt on the ground with a stick.

"Both of those are-" he argues instantly, well aware that both brands will leave you with heavy side effects, but now you snap your head around, hissing at him.

"Just go! Leave me!" You yell at him, and he forgives your behavior for once because it's not really in your control right now. Preheat can be extremely stressful to hybrids especially when you're used to being on medication for it usually.

Though he has a feeling there's got to be a reason you're especially on edge with him. You should be the exact opposite- so why do you seem to absolutely despise his presence right now?

"Can I leave you here without having to run after you to God knows where after I come back?" He asks, and you glare at him actually angry this time.

"I'm not stupid, Detective Min." You make sure to pronounce his job title and name especially as you talk. "I'm a walking bullseye target for anyone other than you." You huff, and he squints his eyes at that.

"I see." He suddenly says, relaxing. "I get it now."

"Oh my GOD just go and get my drugs, leave!" You yell now, throwing a small rock at him- though you only prove his point, because you clearly intentionally miss him by a lot, no intention to hurt him despite your bitter tone.

"Dont worry, I'll get them." He says, not walking closer, but taking off his jacket before he throws it at you. "But you're wrong, just so you know." He has the audacity to smirk, especially when you grow wide eyed and surprised, entire world view shifted as he gives you an answer to a question you didn't even ask, while he walks back down the metal stairs to his apartment, leaving you alone with your thoughts and his scent around you.

He's absolutely not interested in you-

Or so you thought, it seems.

⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅

-> Series Masterlist

[podcast-official]

Old Partner In Crime, Chapter 1: Running Away Just Made Sense

Author's Note: This fic was inspired by Arms Unfolding by dodie so y'all should go listen to that first. Also this is my first fic that I've written since my middle school LoTR phase so please be nice, haha. It's not super heavily edited, so some things might not be worded quite how I want them to be, but all my grammar and punctuation should be good because personally that pisses me off lmao.

Relationship: Juno Steel/Peter Nureyev

Tags: Cuddling/Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Angst, Juno Steel is a Good Significant Other, Peter Nureyev is a Good Significant Other, Healing, Recovery, Communication

CWs: Mention of SH (cutting), mention of alcoholism, (everything turns out okay, I pinky promise), arguments, miscommunication, very non-explicit sex, references to past trauma, unhealthy coping mechanisms

It started all fell apart one night when Juno was out late and didn't call. The last few months had been... tense. More arguments. Less communication. When Juno was an hour later than he said he'd be, Peter started to spiral. He's left before, his mind told him. And he was right to. Peter went to the mirror in the bathroom, clutching the edges of the sink, letting the cold porcelain dig into his skin. He felt sick as he looked at himself.

Not so pretty anymore, are you? the voice in his head taunted. He deserves better. He swallowed. "I'm being ridiculous," he said aloud. "Juno's coming home. He's going to come through that door and wrap me up in his arms and kiss me like he has every single day for the last year and a half. He's just running late."

He shut his eyes tight. "He's just running late," he whispered, trying to quell his fear. He twisted the ring on his hand, the one that promised that Juno would never, ever leave. It felt too tight all of a sudden. A chain instead of a tether. He turned from the mirror and grabbed his coat from where it lay on the couch. He had to get out. He had to leave. He had to run. Every single nerve buzzed with the message that he was in danger.

He walked for two hours before he made it back to the apartment, spiraling deeper and deeper. He'd already made up his mind to go back and get the emergency bag he kept packed in the back of his closet. It was better than sleeping in an empty apartment. When he got back, however, he saw Juno on the couch, head in his hands, a glass and a half empty bottle of whiskey sitting in front of him on the coffee table. Peter would've sworn that bottle was full this morning. Juno had been drinking more than usual, now that he thought about it.

Juno looked up at him. "Nureyev, where the hell have you been?" Juno snapped and Peter flinched.

Then something hard and angry and bitter lodged in his heart. "I could ask you the same question, Juno. I went for a walk, that's all. You were late and I was worried and-"

Juno gave a little disbelieving laugh. "You were running away, weren't you? Or planning on it, at least. God, Nureyev, it's been, what, three years now, and you still can't fucking trust me? I come home an hour late and you completely lose it?"

"Why are you angry at me?"

"Because you can't seem to believe for a moment that I'm not going to leave. And now I can't trust that you weren't. I bet you were just about to grab that bag you think I don't know about from the closet and run off to who knows where if I wasn't here."

"Juno, I'm sorry, but you didn't call or message or anything and I had no idea where-"

"Oh, grow up, Nureyev."

"Juno, I don't want to fight-"

"Fine! Then we won't! I'm going to Rita's."

Peter's face hardened a little. "Fine."

Peter thought in that moment that if this was one of those romantic dramas Rita watched he'd realize that if he let Juno walk out that door right now, their marriage would be over, that he should run after him and grab his arm and tell him he loved him.

But he didn't. He watched Juno leave and then silently poured himself a glass of whiskey from the bottle on the table, downed it, and poured another. He stared into space for a long while, feeling the urge to do something he hadn't done since he and Juno had reunited. He wanted to feel cold, sharp metal against his skin, to-

No. He couldn't do that, because Juno would notice next time they-

Wait.

It's not like he loves you anymore. You've known it for months now. It's not like he'll see you with your clothes off anytime soon.

An hour later, Peter was glad that Juno had bought bandages recently.

He curled up in bed and wept until he fell asleep.

[prettyboybuckley]

11. "don't make me say it. i can't say the words." from romantic confession dialogue prompts - if it's inspire you

thank you for the prompt 💕 i hope you're in the mood for some angst and repression 😅

They're fighting.

They're fighting because Eddie is a fucking idiot who still has trouble expressing his feelings, despite the countless therapy sessions with Frank.

(Somewhere in the back of his head, Frank's voice tells him to not be so hard on himself).

And Eddie doesn't even really know how they got to this point. All he knows that it involved a whole lot of miscommunication and angry words.

Buck is upset with him, and Eddie doesn't even blame him because he was the one who put his foot in his mouth in the first place. Honestly, he thinks that what Buck is feeling might be closer to hurt than anger.

Usually, this is when Eddie would stick his head in the sand and wait things out. That's what he's always done. It's why, this time, he's doing things differently.

He's regretting that choice the moment he knocks on Buck's door.

The man opens the door looking like he got run over by a truck, eyes red-rimmed and hair a messed. The collar of his t-shirt is stretched out and lopsided.

Buck wordlessly moves aside to let him in.

"I'm sorry for what I said," Eddie starts right away, figuring that if he waits too long, he'll lose his nerve. "It came out wrong."

"Did it?"

Eddie figures he deserves the bitter tone of Buck's voice. He'd almost prefer anger over this resigned version of the man, though.

"It's a defense mechanism," he admits after a moment of silence. "I said those things in an attempt to push you away because at this point I don't know what to do with myself, with the way I feel about you."

"How you feel about me?"

This time, Buck's tone is softer. Eddie doesn't quite know how to place it. He looks at the other man with pleading eyes, knowing that he's worked himself into a corner. It was stupid to come here without a plan.

Eddie shakes his head as Buck looks at him expectantly, and somewhat impatiently.

"Don't make me say it, Buck, I can't say the words," he begs, knowing he sounds so pathetically desperate and yet far beyond caring about it.

Buck tilts his head, looking at him with sad eyes.

"I'll say it then," he says. "I'm in love with you, Eddie, and I know you're in love with me too. I don't need you to say it, but we have to stop acting like it's not true."

He has to take a deep breath to push down the rising panic, attempting to stuff it back into it's neat little box where he's been keeping it alongside his feelings.

"I'm not relationship material, Buck."

That actually makes Buck smile for the first time since he opened the door, even if it's a sad smile.

"And you're saying I am?" Buck asks as he steps closer, hands landing on Eddie's shoulders. "I get that you're scared, Eds, I am too, but don't you think that maybe it could be worth it?"

Maybe, Eddie thinks. Maybe it could be worth it, but what if it's not? What if it ruins everything, what if he loses Buck?"

"Maybe," he answers truthfully. Maybe.

This time the smile reaches Buck's eyes, and it instantly makes him look better.

"Well, maybe we should try it, then."

Eddie cracks a smile as well, his hands finding Buck's waist. He lets out a long breath, leaning his forehead forward and against Buck's shoulder so he doesn't have to look the man in the eyes as he says: "Okay, let's try it."

from the romantic confession dialog prompts

[ramonag-if]

I just had to tell you. The way you write family angst? Akin to how our old pal Da Vinci wields a paintbrush. Masterfully.

When Ahlf died? I was gutted. Genuinely. I'd been watching him and MC interact, holding out hope that they'd one day get to form a... warmer father-child relationship. Then he died. MC watched him die. I watched him die. I MC was so devastated, I MC called Crown's name stupid (Sorry, Crown. You too, Irus). Let it be noted that I'd been playing the shy/sincere MC till then. I was so gutted, MC moped/angsted all the way to the temple, while I sat there internally blubbering over the loss of MC's grumpy, emotionally unavailable, father.

(In case it hasn't been made clear yet, I also have father issues in the spades).

(Also, MC recovered their shy/sincere nature eventually. And became absolutely besotted with Irus. He obviously already knew, but still. Don't tell him that.)

(You can bet that I MC took all the chances to mourn/blubber over Ahlf whenever the chance came up, though. Those chances did come up frequently enough, now that I think about it. That moment when MC goes through Ahlf's box of letters in his room at Ellie's castle, mourning him and whatnot. Thanks for that, by the way. Really. I'm glad you didn't gloss over the persisting, subtle ache that comes with loss, which so many stories seem to do.)

Then, Salyra. Mama. MC had thought she was dead. I was convinced she was dead. So, seeing her alive and well and with a whole new husband and child to boot was. Wow.

By then, I had already fully immersed into the story. And while I don't see MC as myself, rather as an odd extension of my soul that I'm watching like some omniscient being who has nothing better to do with their time, I was, well.

Gutted. Again. And MC, too.

I MC's been going back and forth between being uncertain or bitterly angry for a while now. And Maybe accidentally gave Rana a Mean Look while still reeling over how Salyra was alive, with a new family.

When Salyra protected Rana from MC's Big Bad Stare and gave MC a disappointed look? Wow. Delicious scene. MC damn near imploded into a very sad confetti of abandonment and bitterness anger, but I really have to admit. That was peak writing and character interaction right there.

The best thing? None of the characters were demonized for all the things they'd done wrong. Not Ahlf, not Salyra, not MC. They were so human, in their actions and reactions and emotions and tears. You can hate them, you can love them, you can feel nothing about them, but they weren't just characters with an 'MC's parents: kind of really bad at it' label tacked on. They were characters made human, fleshed out and alive and raw.

Which is why it makes it hurt so much more. Makes all the family angst hurt so, so much more.

And I'm all for that, obviously.

Ah, and a special mention! The scene where MC just hugs Irus for comfort after another showdown with Salyra? Spectacular. Outstanding. Covering your arm with gold star stickers as we speak. I have to admit, I damn near melted at that scene. They're so cute. God.

Aaand after that long, long spiel that was definitely just 90% rambling, I'm bringing whatever this mess is to a close. So, Ra; (can I call you that? It sounds cool) thank you for bringing this story into existence, and for sharing it with us all. It was a lovely, beautiful experience, and I'm excited to see what lies ahead in this bloody wild ride you're taking us all on. You're awesome. Once again, thank you!!

Ah, thank you so much! 😭💖 Your message just made me smile like a fool! I don't think I'm anywhere near Da Vinci levels in writing family angst, so it means a lot to me that you enjoyed what I've written so far.

I felt really bad at the way Ahlf died, but his death had been planned long before Chapter 1 had been written. His death was supposed to be less dramatic than the way he went, but as I do try to remind readers, I'm a pantser opposed to a planner when writing so I rarely stick to my chapter outlines and will usually just go with my gut 😅 Ahlf's death really set the tone for the rest of the game, so I'm glad you enjoyed all the small moments to simply mourn his death. I knew that I was going into IF the way I normally write books - emotions are valued over branching/plot points.

Salyra was never going to be this complicated. She wasn't going to be married with another child either 😅 I obviously ignored plans and went right ahead into Angst Central, because I kept questioning Salyra as a mother and the person she would have become in the absence of Ahlf and the MC and suddenly, she was very complicated and brought a lot of baggage.

It was definitely important to showcase that it isn't all good and bad with Ahlf and Salyra. I know neither of them is perfect - no parent is perfect though they are quite far from that bar of being good parents 😬 You'll always get the choice to feel as you feel and the characters will always respond to your MC's choices. I do prefer the emotional development of the characters to the external factors, so glad you're feeling it too!

I actually enjoyed the scene where the MC cries into the ROs shoulder opposed to the hug. But that's just me, being an emotional wreck of a person when playing IF 😅

Please feel free to call me whatever you want 😋 I am quite liking Ra because Ra is my favourite Egyptian god and from my many nicknames over the years, I've never been called Ra before 😂

Thank you again for your support and kind words! I really do appreciate it 💖 It really makes writing the game worthwhile and pushes me to continue writing it.

[notmorbid]

hello beautiful, pt 1.

dialogue prompts from hello beautiful by ann napolitano.

am i too much for you?

what makes you?

i'm going to leave this place.

people are talking about what you're doing.

it makes me sad to pretend to be something i'm not.

no matter what, i wouldn't leave you.

i have a secret. you can't tell anyone.

try to think about something else.

i wish i could climb into bed with you.

kiss my hand?

why ruin your life because of a mistake?

i'll never be a burden on anyone.

what were you doing when you skipped class?

what would you like for dinner?

was i wrong to try to fix everything?

you'll come up with a new plan. you always do.

do you know where you're going? are you sure it's the right way?

would you mind if i watched you work sometime? shadowed you?

i keep thinking it's going to get easier.

we'll be fine by ourselves. we'll take care of one other.

i don't want to get bitter and angry like you.

why can i only say stupid things?

there's no virtue in being mouthy.

you have to let me go.

i'm too busy to think about how i feel.

i'm sorry i'm so emotional.

are you going to kiss me or what?

why do you have to be so wise?

we hardly ever ask each other how we've been hurt.

a little sunshine never did anyone any harm.

i wish i could have been better for you.

no one wants to be near someone who's this close to gone.

we're like a clock that doesn't keep time anymore.

this is real. this is happening.

you deserve, and deserved, better.

just because you never think about someone doesn't mean they aren't inside you.

you don't deserve to be alone.

i want you to write down every secret, every part of your life you've kept from the people close to you.

you can't make me stay away.

it's okay to let yourself feel your feelings.

i'll make you eggs the way you like, before you go.

you might not realize this, but we need each other right now.

i need you to be ruthlessly honest.

[livelovesimallways]

The Weekend Pt. 3......

(Previous)

It’s been nearly two months since things went down between me, my sister and Sean. Dana forgave him for messing with Julia and despite my best efforts, he went back home. While they moved on and continued planning their wedding, I distanced myself again. Opening up those old wounds made me bitter, angry and hell bent on making sure I got my "lick back". I didn’t care what it cost, Sean had to pay for breaking my heart. I wanted to confess everything to Dana sooner but I realized doing it during that time wasn't the way to go. Humph,  with how I was feeling, something misdirected and reckless surely would have come out my mouth. Now that I’ve calmed down, I’m ready to tell her all of it. Even though Sean is the catalyst for this, Dana has a right to know. It’s going to hurt without my sister in my life, but I put myself in this position. Damn...We really do reap what we sow.

The Following Week.....

"Shit! Girl, you scared me." I said, trying to catch my breath.

"My bad...Just making sure you're good. I mean, the way you ran out the kitchen..."

"I know, I know...I'm fine though. Thanks for lookin out."

"Of course...But umm, are you sure you're good? You've thrown up almost every day for a week now."

"Yeah, but you know how sensitive my stomach is. I've been eating too much dairy. Plus the smell of eggs always makes me nauseous, it just got to me today."

"I understand that but..."

"But what? What are you trying to say?"

"It might be morning sickness."

"Look, I appreciate your concern but it's not possible."

"Nothing is one hundred percent, Dee. Your sugar daddy may be older but I'm sure he still has swimmers."

"Okay eww, he ain't that old. He's fifty but the odds of that happening are less than one percent." I said, doing a cutting motion.

"Well still, if you wanna check I have some tests upstairs. Don't ask." *both snickering* "You gone find out either way so..."

"Fine ho, I'll do it." I laughed, rolling my eyes.

"I don't know why I'm so nervous...Did it come up yet?"

"........."

"Mimi??"

"Ummm, Yeah...It's positive."

"Positive??? Nah, that can't be right." I said, grabbing the test in complete disbelief. "Fuck!...Maybe it's a false result."

"A false positive?? You're my bestie but..."

"I know. This is fuckin crazy though. I swear he definitely had a vasectomy. I was even nursing him back to health. "

"Seems like you were doing more than that." *smirking*

"This is not the time, Mimi." I said, smiling although fearful and in shock.

Trying to make sense of this, I started to put together a timetable in my head. I thought about how long I've missed my period, how long I've been feeling sick and who I've had sex with. As my stomach sank, Mimi asked question, reminding me of the shit storm that is to come.

"Are you still having your sister over later or is that off the table?

To Be Continued..........

Next

[mythologyfolklore]

Liù'ěr Míhóu joins the jttw gang, or: How to redeem an all-hearing celestial monkey with a superiority complex and a seriously bad attitude

(A/N: TW: mention of past physical harm, chronic pain and the Six-Eared Macaque being a dick)

Chapter Fourteen: Karmic pain

.

As happy as Tripitaka was, that his two monkey menaces-  disciples got along better now, it also came with a whole new nightmare.

Nothing catastrophic, just … stressful and kind of annoying.

For one, it turned out that Wùhuàn was just as mischievous as Wùkōng.

They also still bickered quite a lot to the point, where Tripitaka couldn't tell, if they were teasing each other or fighting.

For another thing, Wùhuàn still called him a slaphead.

“Will you ever stop calling me that?”, the monk asked in exasperation.

Wùhuàn shrugged: “Sure, when you stop being a slaphead. Besides, that bald head of yours is so slappable!” And emphasised his statement by clapping the top of Tripitaka's head like a drum, making the monk wince.

“Stop that, it hurts!”

“If you can stand seeing Wùkōng in pain, when you use that cursed headband on him, then you can handle a little sting on your skin. I know fully well, that if I had a thing like that, you would use it on me too. But I don't, so you'll have to suck it up and learn to educate through other means than torture. Also, it's just a few light claps on the head. Stop being a whiner.”

The Scripture Pilgrim gasped in offence: “Okay, first of all, I'm not a whiner! I'm complaining!”

“You're a whiner, Master”, Wùkōng dared to pipe up.

To add insult to injury, the other three disciples nodded - including Bái Lóng Mă.

Ouch.

Well, that hit the monk right in the pride he wished he didn't have.

He wasn't supposed to be offended by that. He was supposed to just shrug and smile it off, let it pearl off him like a lotus did with raindrops.

The bitter reminder of his own faults and failure to be a good example as a monk and teacher left a bad taste in his mouth, similar to what he felt, whenever Wùkōng talked about his home.

Tripitaka frowned at the thought, only to be startled back into reality by a gasp and a distressed Wùkōng falling onto his knees.

“I'm sorry, Master! Please forgive me!”, he pleaded. “Please don't say the mantra! I will be good, I swear! I will never say anything negative again! Please, please-”

Huh? But I wasn't angry at Pilgrim? I was … oh. Oh no.

Tripitaka wanted to crouch down and embrace his disciple, but that plan was thwarted by his aching back.

“Stand up, Pilgrim”, he spoke. “I'm not angry at you.”

Wùkōng looked up, blinking. “You … you're not? But … you looked like …”

“I'm not angry at you”, the monk repeated. “Nor will I recite the Tightening Mantra. I was frustrated with myself, nothing more. In fact, I'm the one, who should apologi-aaahhgh!”

“Master?!”

Tripitaka forced a smile. “Don't worry-ngh! It's just … my back …”

He was starting to fear, that Wùhuàn's strike had permanently damaged his spine, because it still incapacitated him as it had two months ago. Actually, the pain seemed to get worse!

Maybe it was karma for all the times he had hurt Wùkōng with the fillet.

“Master, shall I give you a massage?”, offered Zhū Wùnéng.

Enthusiastically, the monk accepted.

His third disciple helped him lie down and began to work his magic hands on him.

After what seemed about an hour, the Pig Demon helped his master put his robe back on, then carefully set him back on his feet.

“Better?”, Wùnéng inquired.

Tripitaka smiled, genuinely this time. “Much better, thank you.”

“You're welcome, Master, but we'll have to see a professional healer about this. I think you have a spinal injury. If we don't get you treatment, the pain will become chronic and you might lose the ability to walk.”

Tripitaka moaned despondently.

Yep. This was definitely karma.

[talentforlying]

@nightmarecountry: ‘♬ GIMME. I love seeing you wax lyrical about Johnnyboy. — SONGS I LOVE

blood of angels - brown bird! THE john constantine song for me, actually!! the lyrics, the frenetic pace of the backing track, the clinical delivery that explodes into desperate rebellion on the chorus, the undertone of seething disdain and secret self-recrimination born of exhausted cynicism!! this is the song of someone who's cycled all the way around from deep depression to a motherfucking god complex, and if that isn't john constantine in a nutshell. you have lines like:

i drank the blood of angels from a bottle / just to see if i could call the lightning down / it hasn't struck me yet, and i would wage my soul to bet / that there ain't no one throwing lightning anyhow

which make me think of his tendency to just ride the synchronicity highway and trust it'll put him where he needs to be, and let him do what he needs to do. also, his general 'well if god was gonna kill me he'd have fucking done it already' attitude towards risk-taking and making bets on a bluff. also, he has literally snorted santa claus's bones to hype up his magic, so like, he would actually drink angel blood if he had reason to. then there's:

too many tries at tempting fate to call it over / and you get to thinking fate's got different plans / like maybe, i'm not born to die but to bring darkness to the sky / and pull that goddamn sun down anyway i can

which make me think of the laughing magician arc, where constantine learned that his twin was supposed to have lived in his place and his being born instead cursed the world, and his reaction to this — and to his twin saying that if constantine let him take over his body, the world would be fixed — was 'fuck you and fuck that, i can live with a damned world as long as i'm the one living in it'. constantine is someone who's gone his whole life being told he should have died, shouldn't have existed, shouldn't have been born, should've taken someone else's place. of fucking course he resents it, of course he's bitter about it. but if the universe wanted him dead, it should have tried harder. that's where this comes in:

you could be right, they might come for me at night / in angry mobs with torches bright outside my door / for all my spite, i might never win the fight / but i will rage against the light forever more

he is a survivor against all odds, against death and fate and destiny, and he will continue to survive against all odds. he doesn't have to be liked. he doesn't have to be wanted. his purpose is to keep up the fucking fight, no matter the cost, and that's just what he's going to do. and finally, the part that kind of breaks my heart:

don't try to come 'round here spreading sentiments of cheer / you told your last white lie, everything is not alright / you hope, you pray, you love the light of day / but there's no one up there listening tonight

the way this is sung, it feels like constantine's exhausted-ass friends telling him to fuck all the way off after he's done something he can't fix, but also? constantine expects the worst, but he does also hope for the best. i think there's a part of him that genuinely, genuinely wants things to turn out okay in the end, and it takes a piece out of him every time he can't make it all work out for everybody. he knows magic has a cost, he knows the price is steep. he knows he can't save everybody and that some people get exactly what they went asking for. he knows the world is dark and full of terrors and horrors beyond human imagining but within human hands to reach and craft. but he still hopes. he still finds joy and love in the little things in life. and it still hurts when it doesn't last.

+ song for the corinthian: okay evil eye - franz ferdinand not only gives me general corinthian vibes, but also fucks heavy specifically for our dark mirror relationship w/ corinth and constantine, like:

well, i have the evil eye / well, i, i, i see your soul / you wear it on your face / it's warning what you do

also i mean. you do wear eyes on your face, so if he wants your soul, all he's gotta do is take it off ya. also, "don't believe in god, but believe in that shit / (not me!) not me! i'd like to bring them down" is giving corinth vs dream to me? very rebellious kid talking shit behind a parent's back in a way. all bravado as long as they're out of sight, the kind of rebellion born of missing something in that relationship.

[butchrobin]

along came a spider

AO3

The air was frigid that particular evening, not unusual for the beginning January, snow continued to fall as it had since the first signs of dawn had broken through the clouds earlier that day. Beneath the few inches of snow was a thin layer of ice, though hidden from view people were aware of the dangers of the frozen coating under their feet and took great care with each step they took. Despite it being already winter, some remnants of fall still remained – that was evident enough in the untouched piles of leaves around the park, leaves that had begun to wither in the bitter weather. Soon all traces of fall would be gone, leaving only a frosty shell in its wake.

The snow was lighter than it had been in the morning, it fell gracefully and sunk into the rest of the snow on the ground. Kids gleefully collapsed onto it, some laughing, others complaining about the cold while their parents simply watched with disinterest, annoyance or amusement. It seemed to vary with every couple. The sun had set not too long ago, leaving the park to be illuminated by the golden glow of street lamps placed in each continent spot. As the thick blanket of darkness began to envelop the sky, parents barked orders at their children, calling them to come back home.

Mike Wheeler wanted to go anywhere but home right now. Even though the cold had started to get to him, breaching the protective layer his favorite sweater gave him – he would have much rather preferred to sit alone on his usual bench, knees drawn to his chest in a futile attempt for warmth and write in his notebook. His essay for school was almost due and he hadn't even written so much as a sentence, and it wasn't like he was able to get any work done at home any more. Not since his father had started to lecture him more often than usual, getting irritated at the slightest thing that he did wrong. So he'd left the house. Originally he'd planned to go to Will's, he always provided the comfort Mike longed for when he needed it most, but these days it felt like he was seeing less of him. It hurt. When he'd confronted him about it Will had only stuttered in response.

“What are you hiding?” Mike asked. Will startled at the question, his eyes going almost comically wide like they always did when he'd been caught out on something. Mike knew his mannerisms well enough, at one point he would have thought he was almost in tune with the other boy's emotions, but he was proved wrong. He was proved especially wrong when Will had started the cycle of lies.

“Mike- I- I'm not hiding anything.” And Will was a terrible liar.

Mike felt his anger rise. He'd never felt angry at Will before. Frustrated maybe, perhaps a little annoyed at times but never angry. But Will was blatantly lying to his face and it stung.

“Oh clearly,” sarcasm dripped from his bitter tone, “so you're not skulking around behind everyone's backs and lying to them?”

Will chewed his lip nervously, his eyes flickering from left to right. Mike's features softened and his anger simmered down. He sighed and absent-mindedly he started rubbing his arm. A nervous habit he'd picked up recently. “I'm sorry,” he murmured softly, “I'm just worried, that's all. We all are.”

Will looked up, giving him a look he couldn't quite read. It made him want to ask even more questions, but he could see how exhausted he looked and with great effort, he managed to force them down for a different time. “I know,” Mike could tell that his smile was forced, “but I promise you, I really am fine.”

The conversation had later taken a turn for the worst. His argument with his best friend was still a fresh wound and with his other friends far too busy to hang out, Mike was left alone with his thoughts. Not that he necessarily minded being alone, in fact, he was thriving in his solitude – he needed some time to think after everything that had happened. All he could focus on was the argument, it hadn't ended well but Will had continued to lie and Mike? Well, Mike knew he was partially in the wrong for pushing so hard but what else could he do when he was worried for his friend? He cared about Will so much, he couldn't stand not being able to talk to him the way that he used to. Or hang out like they'd used too, so carefree and oblivious to everything else around them. Just Will and Mike, Mike and Will.

Mike's cheeks flushed, surprisingly not because of the icy wind whirling right into his face, but at the comforting memories of him and Will together that made him feel warm. Only Will could have that kind of effect on him, because Mike... Mike loved him. But he'd never admit it aloud. He wasn't sure he could but he knew with all of his heart he loved Will Byers, he just didn't have the courage nor the strength to admit that to him or anyone. It had taken him a while to grasp the feelings he held for his best friend for a while. It had taken him even longer to accept them and who he was. He'd hated himself at first, because growing up he hadn't been immune to the comments his dad would make about people like him.

Wrong. Not natural. Queer.

But then, one odd day while he'd been sulking around a video store, he'd run into Robin Buckley. Steve's best friend and co-worker whom he'd had a few short conversations with before. She'd noticed Mike's discomfort and asked him why he looked so glum and Mike, after bottling everything up for so long, had looked at her for a mere few seconds before spilling the truth about everything. He'd been horrified at first, admitting that he wasn't normal to someone that wasn't himself and thought for sure that Robin would look at him with disgust and walk away. But instead he'd found himself faced with a soft, sympathetic look. One filled with understanding

The conversation had quickly turned into an oddly comforting one. Odd because admittedly Mike never thought he’d ever be comforted by Steve Harrington’s best friend. But Robin wasn't what some people considered to be “normal” either and it helped Mike a lot to learn that he wasn't alone. He'd become a lot more accepting of himself after that, though there were still some moments Mike had a brief lapse in self-hatred and wished that things weren't so complicated. But for the most part, he was finally content. And those feelings for Will? Well, despite everything, those hadn't gone away. But he wasn't sure that he could ever confess, Will never gave any indication that he felt the same or that he was... like him either.

Though, it wasn't like he knew that much about him any more. Not like he thought he had. Mike sighed, casting his gaze up into the bleak January sky, he still felt hollow inside — numb to everything else around him. He watched the delicate snowflakes fall, absentmindedly tapping his pen against the blank page of his notebook, wishing that things could be different. Or rather the same as they once had been. Was it too much to ask?

“Are you uh, trying to catch a cold out here?”

Mike startled, both his book and pen toppling onto the floor and he looked up, slightly irritated for a moment only to find a figure dressed in a familiar, dark spandex suit standing before him. Suddenly, Mike couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe because Spider-Man of all people was currently standing in front of him, hands placed on his hips and Mike could almost imagine the superhero giving him a scrutinizing look of sorts.

“I- um- shit, sorry.” Mike blurted out, not sure what else to say. It wasn't everyday he happened to come across the Spider-Man after all. He quickly leaned over to pick up what he'd dropped, but Spider-Man — Spider-Man! — held up a hand, Mike halted.

“No, no let me,” he insisted, Mike was acutely aware of how his voice sounded off — like he was forcing a low tone in order to disguise it properly — he didn't linger on it, “I should've known better than to just sneak up on you like that.”

He gathered the notebook and pen in his hands and placed them on Mike's knee. Mike looked at them for a few moments and then back towards the hero who was still standing there. Right, Mike flushed with embarrassment, waiting for a response. Here Spider-Man was, going far out of his depth to initiate a conversation and Mike hadn't even formed a proper sentence yet. His mom would've scolded him for his poor manners if she were here right now, he almost snorted at the thought.

“It's cool,” he finally replied, “I probably shouldn't be out here much longer anyway.” Spider-Man's words had gotten to him, awakening him to just how cold it truly was. It was only getting worse with each passing moment and his sweater did very little to protect him from the wind that was starting to blow more harshly than before. It surprised him a little, that he'd been so wrapped up in his own mind that he'd barely noticed the drop in temperature or the fact that the park was now deserted.

Well, deserted with the exception of himself and Spider-Man.

“No offense, but you'd have to be crazy to sit in the middle of this .” Spider-Man told him, gesturing with his arms at the snow-filled area around them. Mike blinked, his face was starting to feel numb but a small laugh escaped his lips even though his hands had started to shake slightly due to the long exposure to the cold air.

“Well no offense to you , but you're also currently in the middle of this. And in spandex too.” He retorted. Now it was Spider-Man's turn to laugh, Mike's heart jumped at how oddly familiar it sounded. 

“I guess we're crazy together then.” 

Mike let out a breathy chuckle, “right, crazy together.”

It was weird. Mike couldn't seem to grasp as to just why it felt so strange talking to him, it wasn't necessarily because he was nervous. Well, he was nervous but any person would be talking to a superhuman. No, that wasn't what made it so peculiar. It was strange because talking to Spider-Man seemed to come so easily. Mike wasn't too ashamed to admit that he had a difficult time talking to people he didn't really know well, but this time was different. He wasn't sure if it was because of the fact that he knew he could easily trust Spider-Man, he was a hero after all, or if it were down to that familiarity he felt around him.

Whatever it was, Mike was certainly too cold to figure out whatever it meant right now.

Spider-Man watched him silently for the few moments that Mike was pondering, he cocked his head to the side, with his expression hidden underneath the mask it made it entirely impossible to tell what he was thinking. Though Mike wasn't too good at reading people, in fact, it was probably one of his worst traits. 

“How far is your house from here?”

Mike blinked against the cold again, “um, like a couple of blocks?” He responded, his teeth had even started to chatter together, god how had he not even prepared for this? In his defense however, he hadn't exactly been thinking about layering up before he'd left, he'd just wanted to get out of the house. 

It felt so empty since Nancy left for college. Without his older sister there, even though sometimes they rarely talked, it had been nice knowing that he wasn't alone. His younger sister, Holly, had yet to face the harsh reality that her mom and dad didn't even love each other like they claimed to around her. For the kids. Mike had overheard, they'd only stayed together to attempt to create some stability in their household. But they'd instead done the exact opposite.

“-ello?” 

Mike jerked slightly, oh good he'd gotten wrapped up in his head again and completely missed the question that had been pointed at him. 

“Oh- uh, yeah?”

“I was saying I don't mind swinging by your house,” Spider-Man repeated, his voice was soft and surprisingly patient even though Mike had proved to be a terrible listener thus far, “there's been a warning issued for ice, you really shouldn't be out here.”

“So I've been told,” Mike snarked with a roll of his eyes, “but… actually, y-yeah. I don't think I'm built for these conditions.”

He reached for his backpack, his fingers shakily fiddling with the zip — he stuffed his belongings that he'd brought with him into it and closed it back up. Spider-Man waited, the blank lenses on his mask locked onto his form as he got to his feet. Mike shifted nervously, the sudden realization that 'swinging' by his house meant literally. Oh god, his eyelids slid shut briefly, he hadn't thought this offer through.

“Are you alright?” 

He reopened his eyes, the superhero was standing about a foot away, his hand twitched in the air like he had been about to prod or shake him. Mike shook himself, was he really that out of it? He hadn't noticed it much beforehand, but he was more aware of the exhaustion weighing him down. That could easily be traced back to his lack of sleep the past few nights, he'd been worrying about Will so much that it left him feeling restless.

“I just- I'm not so good with heights.” Mike swallowed thickly. It was the honest truth, he had never been good with heights. Not since… He shivered, Troy's taunting laughter echoed in his mind. But this wasn't like that, he reminded himself, this was nothing like that. He was safe. Spider-Man was safe.

“If it makes you feel better you can close your eyes,” Spider-Man offered, closing the gap between them, “nothing bad will happen, you have my word.”

His voice was unwavering, so incredibly gentle, it almost washed away any doubts he’d started to have.

Ignoring how that little part of him that despised the idea of swinging through the air, Mike hesitated a few moments before he nodded and gave a small smile. I'm gonna regret this. He thought to himself, taking the hand that Spider-Man had offered out to him. He was guided slowly and carefully into position, with one arm slung over his shoulder and the other under his arm. Mike breathed deeply, trying to calm his nerves before he went into a full blown panic. 

He most certainly did not want to have a meltdown in front of a superhero. 

“You ready?” Spider-Man turned his head slightly, Mike took another slow inhale.

“As I'll ever be,” he said rather timidly, “you- you won't drop me, right?”

He laughed, “of course not,” his tone was light and bubbly, but still entirely serious at the same time, “alright, tuck your legs around my waist and hold on.”

“I thought you said you already had me?” 

“I do, I do. I just don't need you kicking me in the legs all the way, that's all.” Spider-Man responded humorously.

“Right. Sorry.” Mike felt a rush of embarrassment as he struggled to lock his feet together so that they wouldn't fall out of position. He felt a rush of heat flush through his face, because here he was clinging to Spider-Man like an idiot and they weren't even in the air yet. But more important than that, the only thing his mind could focus on — other than how in just moments he'd be in the air and away from the safety of the ground — was that he was clinging to Spider-Man. Oh Dustin would tease him mercilessly if he found out about this.

“Ready now?” 

“If I have to be.”

With one final laugh, Spider-Man flicked the wrist of his free hand outwards and propelled into the air. Instinctively Mike's grip tightened, pressing himself as close to the superhero as he could manage. The hand that was currently securing Mike's own hands together squeezed him lightly, reassuring him without any words needed. 

Now Mike knew that Spider-Man had reached civilians from dangerous situations like this all the time, so seemingly effortlessly it was like he didn't even try. He was a professional. But Mike? Well, he was afraid of a lot of things and this was most definitely at the top of his list.

“Holy shit.” Mike breathed after risking a glance down at the ground far, far below them — too high, much too high — he shut his eyes, not wanting to see anything more. 

“You alright back there Mi-” Spider-Man cut off abruptly, Mike was far too preoccupied with internal panicking to notice the way he stuttered, “oh wait, I didn't even ask your name did I?”

“You're asking me this now ?!” Mike yelled incredulously, his eyes were beginning to hurt.

“No time like the present!”

“It's Mike- fucking hell! ” He hissed as they took what must've been a sharp turn, too fast and too sudden for him to even comprehend.

“Nice to meet you Mike, I'm Spider-Man!” 

What a dork. Annoying, slightly irritating — but what an admirable dork Spider-Man turned out to be. His persistent quips and snarky humor were known to many, especially the petty criminals he fought daily. Mike wished he had the confidence to be able to face off a man twice his size and throw joke after joke at him; he'd tried that once with a simple middle school bully and it had ended as well as one might've expected. With a black eye and a trip to the nurses office.

“I know you you were keeping your eyes closed, but you should really see the view from up here.” He was dragged from his thoughts when Spider-Man piped up again, Mike's brows knitted together as his eyelids throbbed under the pressure he was using to keep them closed.

Mike was really, really starting to regret his choice.

It took more effort than he thought it would to force his eyes to open, his body was currently working overdrive in fight or flight mode and unfortunately for Mike — who often chose flight over fight — he could do neither. Though in an ironic way, he supposed that he was flying in some way. Just not in the way you'd think him to be. 

When he finally opened his eyes however, all his fears seemed to melt away within seconds.

Hawkins City wasn't much from the ground, that was an understatement really, the city looked godawful from any normal person's perspective. The air filled with smog so thick it was almost impossible to see the sun even at its brightest, buildings that towered into the sky that were either so decrepit and worn down that they were falling apart or close to it. The small suburban area just outside of town where Mike lived wasn't very big, but it was better than the city center and less of an eyesore at that. Perhaps Mike was treating the city too harshly, as someone who hated the general area of Hawkins he probably wasn't the best person to ask for his views on it. 

Maybe, all he'd needed was to see it from another point of view. Spider-Man had the view of the city that people would long to see. 

Above the smog, away from the rundown looking areas and around the center of the city — fluorescent lights shone all around them, reflecting off the windows of nearby buildings and clashing together so perfectly that it was stunning. Breathtaking even. Mike could see the tiny circles of what he guessed were street-lamps dotted around below him through the fog. He blinked in awe in every direction, his eyes catching new things that he liked or marveled at in astonishment.  

He felt silly, gaping at the city he'd lived in all his life with such childlike wonder in his eyes, but it was so different seeing it like this. Below, Hawkins was nothing, but above? It was truly something incredible. And he realized he was lucky to have seen it this way, he wasn't sure Spider-Man would let others hitch rides like this all the time. He also wasn't sure why that thought seemed to make chest swell with heat.

“It's better up here, isn't it?” Spider-Man's voice pulled him out of his daze.

“Yeah,” Mike whispered, “it's different.”

“Whenever I need to I always take a swing up here to clear my head, it helps.” 

“I can see why.”

“The city does have its own unique kind of beauty,” Spider-Man contemplated, “it's just parts of it that aren't so pretty that ruin it.”

Mike remained silent, taking in his words. He took a moment to process the meaning behind them and he quickly understood what he had meant. The potential that Hawkins had, to be such an alluring city — but it was the violence associated below that ruined its reputation, the corruption festering deep within the very heart of the town. From crime-gangs to petty criminals, Hawkins had its troubles and Spider-Man had become their savior.

“Well,” Mike said musingly, “at least we have you to make it better.”

Spider-Man didn't reply, but Mike could still tell that he greatly appreciated his words. He just didn't know how much he really took them to heart, clinging onto them with everything he had.

They were coming up to the edge of the city now, the familiar suburbs soon came into view.

“Can you see your neighborhood?” Spider-Man asked.

“Yeah, you're heading right for it,” Mike told him. Readjusting his position to get a better look over his shoulder, “take a right down this street, my house is the first one.”

Even though he'd loved the view of the city from above, Mike was still wholly grateful to be back near the ground again. He still hated heights, but he hadn't felt as scared as he'd thought he would be while in the air.

But he still never wanted to do that ever again.

Spider-Man landed gracefully in his front yard and gently eased Mike to the floor. The floor. Oh how relieved he felt to be back on solid ground again.

“I can tell you had a blast.” The hero snickered upon seeing Mike's expression.

He rolled his eyes playfully, “oh I had the time of my freaking life up there.”

Another laugh. Mike's chest blossomed with warmth.

“Well it was nice to have some company, I should really head back though.” Spider-Man told him, he jerked his thumb back in the direction of the city.

“Ah, spidery things to attend to, right? Flies to catch and all that.” Mike nodded vigorously, Spider-Man gave a frustrated huff.

“I do not catch flies.”

“Right, of course not.” Mike said with a wink. He was confused for a moment as to where this sudden burst of confidence came from, winking at a superhero of all people, but the question was lost to his mind. It was just too damn cold to think about anything anymore.

Spider-Man shook his head, Mike almost could have pictured a smile underneath the mask. But there was no face to match no matter how he tried, he couldn't just will a face he didn't know or hadn't seen into his mind's eye. 

“Goodnight, Mike.” There it was again. The rush of familiarity in his tone. It was verging on making him frustrated as to why he couldn't place it, he just knew that he knew it.

“Goodnight, Spider-Man,” he murmured with his lips pulled into a delicate smile, “and thank you, by the way.”

“Anytime.” And then he was gone, flinging himself up onto a lamppost and shooting into the air, Mike watched after him until he disappeared from sight.

Without any hesitation he made his way up the path leading to his front door, swiftly making his way inside — he cast a fleeting glance in the living room, seeing his father slumped in his chair with his eyes fixed firmly on the TV. His face showed no signs that he'd even noticed him come in, though he could have and instead resolved to not acknowledge it. Mike was just fine with that, he didn't feel like talking anyway. He trudged up the stairs without a word, entering his room and closing the door quietly behind him.

His mom must already be in bed and Holly in her own room, having been put to sleep hours ago. Nancy's room remained unoccupied, except for all the junk his dad had moved inside the moment she'd left for college.

With an empty sigh, Mike collapsed onto his bed, he lay on his back and stared at his ceiling. His mind replayed the events of the evening, Spider-Man in the center of it all. Why couldn't he get him out of his head all of a sudden? He hadn't really given him much thought before he'd properly met him, he'd been just like most people, soberly grateful for how he helped the city and everyone in it. He'd never held any kind of hero worship for him, not like some of his adoring fans did and Mike had seen plenty of those at school. Troy was one he could name.

He wondered what Spider-Man's reaction to that would be. A dick like Troy worshiping the very ground he walked on. His lips curled up in amusement, he was certain Spider-Man wouldn't exactly be pleased with that. Especially if he knew how much of a complete asshole he was. 

He lay like that for a while, unmoving and undisturbed. He was so thoroughly exhausted he didn't even bother rolling over to his bedside to switch the lamp off. Instead, he felt his mind slowly start to cloud over as sleep came quicker than he'd expected. He didn't fight it when his eyelids began to flutter, he only sighed contentedly at how his evening had become much more bearable in such a short amount of time, and in the least anticipated and astounding way. 

Mike dreamed that night. He dreamed of flying through the air, laughing and free. But if he dreamed of Will's smile underneath Spider-Man's mask and how natural it looked in place, then unfortunately everything was too blurred together to remember when he woke up the following morning.

[oncetherenowhere]

Feeling this stressed out and bad all the time can't be good for me.

I don't know how to relax. When I have free time, I do absolutely nothing, but I feel like I'm in a tense, frozen space. Meditating and stretching helps, but it feels like a band-aid. When even relaxing becomes something active that you need to do with purpose to build the habits, it just...I don't know, it feels like I can't get a break. I'm so sad that my chest physically hurts. I get so anxious that it makes my stomach hurt, or makes me nauseated. There's always something aching. Nobody seems to care or understand. Even medical professionals seem to shrug.

I feel like there's no place for me in this world. There's no right way for me to exist. I've been trying to come to terms with my autism...I've spent my entire life fighting it and trying to be neurotypical, but I can't physically do it anymore. It's just hard when nobody understands. I'm either tense, but somewhat socially accepted, or I'm Myself, but treated with cruelty, and therefore I'm tense again. Everyone is quick to point out my flaws, my behaviors, the things I should fix, why I'm wrong, wrong, wrong...but if I do something like tell someone they hurt my feelings, they hurt me back even worse.

I don't feel human. I've talked about it a lot on this blog, but it just doesn't stop. I don't feel like a human being. When someone is respectful to me, I think about it for weeks afterwards. My one coworker is very kind to me, and it genuinely makes me cry when I'm alone because it's so lovely. Even then, I'm scared of hitting the limit, and getting to a point where she realizes I'm not worth the effort.

I'm always scared that H will hit his limit, too. I think his family is exasperated by me. I'm certainly not the partner they wanted their loved one to marry. I have so little to offer. I'm awkward, and not personable, and don't get social cues. They get frustrated with me. I've tried to explain myself, but they forget. I told his mother that I have a stutter and a hard time talking, and she still pokes fun at it whenever it happens, despite me trying to tell her it hurts...when I tell her it hurts, she feels bad and apologizes, but then she forgets and does it again, and then gets frustrated with me for being sensitive. I told her that I'd love to see her more often, but that I need plans to be made in advance, and she'll still surprise us with day-of offers and nothing else. She talks about how much accommodations have helped her in her workplace, since she has ADHD, so I thought she'd understand that I'm in a similar situation, but it feels like I'm not worth accommodations. It feels like I'm not worth anything. I'm not even worth getting my feelings hurt, because then that makes everyone else feel bad.

I feel like everyone would be happier if I was a statue, or a robot. The horrible thing is? I wish I was. If I had the choice to take away the pain and effort, I would one hundred percent live fully for everyone else, and ignore my own needs and desires. It feels more comfortable, even when it hurts me.

I can't even answer basic questions about myself without feeling nervous. "What do you do for fun?" I don't. I can't say the wrong thing. I'm nothing. I'm a nothing person. I'll be whatever you want.

I know this just come across as bitter and angry, but I'm really just depressed and tired. I'm more angry at myself than anything else. I'm feeling bad to the point of it physically aching me. I feel alone.

[simplyotometrash]

MC Sits in a Salt Circle pt. 2

It was requested of me, so here's the next part to this!

Brothers x gender-neutral reader

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, angst I guess? Idk I hate writing angst. I like soft and funny stuff

Warnings: Bitter, angry succubi trying to break Asmo and MC up by framing him. Nothing sexual, no cheating.

MC Sitting in a Salt Circle Until They Apologize (younger brothers)

The two of you had gotten into it. The two of you had gone your separate ways to recollect your thoughts and maybe talk it out later, but you were feeling beyond petty. You were willing to devote yourself to being petty. You created a circle of salt inside of your bedroom in the middle of the floor and sat down in it, a pillow in hand and your D.D.D. fully charged. You weren't planning on going anywhere either.

"MC," you heard a knock at your door, "I'm coming in."

Satan:

You and Satan rarely ever got into fights.

It wasn't much of a fight, honestly.

You two had been reading a book series together, and he read ahead to the last book. And spoiled it for you!

So you were being petty.

Was it stupid? Yes. Did you care? No.

"Alright, MC, you're being petty. I get it. I'm sorry."

You puffed and elected to ignore his apology. He was trying to placate you without even acknowledging what he had done!

"You read ahead and spoiled the ending! We were reading that series together. It was supposed to be special."

He looked down, dejected, and sighed. "I know. I got ahead of myself. I wanted to keep going and didn't wait for you. I shouldn't have done it."

"No, you shouldn't have. You're the one who usually hates spoilers and you spoiled it for me! I don't even want to finish the series anymore."

He sat down next to the salt circle and pulled out the next book in the series. "Even if I read it to you?"

You didn't reject the idea but you stayed in your salt circle for the first few chapters.

There was no hiding Satan's smile when you broke the circle and scooted in next to him around chapter six.

All wasn't totally forgiven, but you were done being petty.

Asmodeus:

Why were you mad at your doting, enthusiastic boyfriend? He was hard to get mad at most of the time.

Well, it was mostly you being bitter and jealous.

You two had gone out to a nice club, Asmo loved showing you off whenever he could. You came back from the bathroom to see him sandwiched between two succubi on the dancefloor.

You knew he'd never, ever, cheat on you, but you couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy.

"MC, can we please just talk. I've been giving you space because I know you're upset, but I don't want to end today with us being in a fight."

You couldn't resist Asmo no matter how hard you tried. His eyes looked puffy, which was abnormal, telling you that he'd been crying just like you.

"I know what it LOOKED like. I didn't want to be dancing with them, they pulled me to the floor while you were gone and pinned me there. One was even holding my hands down. They think it's "unfair" that I'm off the market, so they wanted to make you mad at me."

You sighed and hung your head, feeling quite foolish. "I'm sorry."

"No, darling, I understand why you're upset! You have every right to feel hurt. Just know, I would never hurt you. I love you far too much. They let go of my hands once you left and I ran out after you."

You dusted the salt away, breaking the circle, and you rushed into his arms. You were crying again. This time because you felt bad for jumping to conclusions.

"Hey," he cooed in your ear, holding you tight to his chest. "Don't cry, my sweetheart. We've both had too many tears. I thought you were going to leave me and I couldn't even sleep."

You went to say another apology only to be shushed.

Asmo swept you up into his arms and off of your feet.

"Asmo, what-"

"Shh, my sweet MC. We both need some special self-care and bonding time. I'm going to run us a hot bath, we'll do masks. We'll forget last night ever happened."

And you did everything he said you would and more. He wanted to erase that awful night from both of your memories.

Beelzebub:

Oh boy.

We know how Beel gets about his food being eaten, you know better than to even touch his food. He also respects you to not touch your food without permission.

Even then, you knew he couldn't help himself because of his sin. Food wasn't all he cared about, but it was hard to resist how strong the sin of gluttony affected him.

But this was about food.

So what caused this issue between the two of you?

A complete misunderstanding.

You had been getting out a really fancy pudding that you bought. It was big enough to share with Beel, which was your plan.

You left it on the counter for no more than five minutes and came back to it gone and Beel standing right there. He knew you had bought it, so you assumed he wouldn't eat it.

You were in shock, to say the least. You were very upset thinking he'd gone behind your back and eaten something he knew was yours.

"MC, I'm sorry," he said softly. He had that kicked puppy look and it broke your heart immediately.

"Why'd you eat it? I told you we were going to share it. I was really looking forward to that pudding and eating it with you."

"Eat it...? I didn't eat it. I thought you were mad at me for not stopping him."

"Wait, stopping who?" You were already out of the salt line, arms around your boyfriend in apology.

"Mammon. I came in after he finished the pudding off. I was going to tell him off, but he bolted when I walked in."

Oh, now it was on. Beel patted your head lightly, unable to stop chuckling. For once, food being eaten that was meant for you two didn't anger him. He was just glad you weren't mad at him.

"Instead of going to kill Mammon, how about we go buy a new pudding instead? I'll buy it and we can share it like you wanted."

Belphegor:

He's an easy one to have a fight with.

Not really big fights. Usually disagreements or getting frustrated.

And today was a frustration day.

You guys had at least two dates every week that took you out of the house as you spent much of your time indoors.

Belphie did not want to leave his bed. He even told you as much, saying it didn't matter if you went out because all that mattered was that you were together.

That was true, sure, but it also stung. It felt like your own feelings and what you wanted sometimes didn't matter to him.

He knew he had fucked up when you sniffled and walked away instead of responding.

"Hey." He sat down and looked at you, resting his cheek in his palm with his elbow on his knee.

"I'm sorry. I did some thinking and then talk about what happened with Beel. He scolded me for what I said to you."

"Good. You deserve it. You were being a complete ass."

"Yeah," he sighed. "I was being an ass to you. I'm sorry. I know you like it when we go out, and the fact that I was cranky from just waking up isn't an excuse for hurting your feelings. Am I allowed a second chance?"

You narrowed your eyes for a second before brushing some salt aside.

"I'm willing to be swayed for the price of some Bufo Egg Milk Tea and a movie."

He laughed and got up, extending his hand to you. "It's a date then."

[imaginesfordifferentfandoms]

The Last Time

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Prompt - ‘This is the last time I'm asking you why you break my heart in the blink of an eye.'

Peter stood on the steps of your front door, not fully remembering how he’d gotten there. The rain was falling hard around him, Peter himself soaked wet through, the sound of it bouncing on the street was the only thing that could be heard in the silence of the early morning hours, the sky still dark, clouds too thick to see any stars through it.

He had yet to knock, scared to not receive an answer, scared for you to answer only to slam the door in his face. He was just…scared. His eyes were watery but the rain hid it well. He stood there thinking back to your last conversation with him.

How many times had he been here after a fight with you, how many times had he stood here with his best apology. This time though something felt different, it felt like you had made your mind up and fully planned to make good on your promise to not see him again, to not have the same damn argument every few weeks.

It was getting harder and harder to lie to you, every excuse that came out of Peter’s mouth sounded like the lie it was, no matter how hard he tried to make his excuses seem true you always saw through them.

Peter hated lying to you, it felt like every time he spoke to you he was lying about something, lying about where he was, why he was late, why he failed to show up at all, why he was so tired, why his back hurt so much.

Everything was a lie.

One thing that wasn’t a lie though were his feelings for you. Peter loved you so much but at some point that wasn’t enough, love wasn’t enough when there wasn’t trust and as much as you hated it you didn’t, you couldn’t trust Peter.

The constant lies, the skipping out on dates, the guilty look he got in his eyes every time he spoke to you.

It always led back to the same argument of you begging him to tell you what he was hiding and Peter insisting there were no secrets.

You had rolled your eyes every time but let yourself accept his many, many apologies. You loved him too, you had for so long that you didn’t want this to fail, for so long you had refused to let this relationship end but now you just felt tired. You couldn’t continue on with this, not with the constant lies, the constant lingering fear that Peter had found somebody else, somebody better, smarter, prettier…you couldn’t do it anymore.

That had all led to Peter standing here now, angry words thrown in pent up frustration floating through his head.

“Peter, I swear to- I cannot do this anymore!” You yelled, tears in your eyes and voice slightly hoarse.

“I’m telling you you’ve got this wrong!” He shot back at you, watching as your nose flared and you let out a bitter laugh.

“This is the last time you tell me I’ve got it wrong!” You told him through gritted teeth. How many times had he told you that you were wrong? That you weren’t seeing things from his perspective despite him refusing to give you an honest answer.

“How can you think there’s anybody else?” He shouted, hating that you could ever think he was capable of cheating on you. You were the only girl in the world for him, nobody else could ever compare to you.

“How could I not think there was anybody else!? You ghost me, if I’m lucky you call to cancel a date but usually I’m left alone because you couldn’t be bothered to even shoot me a text! Do you have any idea how humiliating it is when people look at you when you’ve been stood up?” You ask, not giving him time to answer as you say, “No you don’t because I have never and would never do that to you! You sneak around constantly, every other word out of your mouth is a damn lie and it’s not fair!”

Peter was speechless for a few moments. How could he respond to that? Everything you had said was right and he hated it, he hated that doing the right thing was coming between the two of you but there was no way he was telling you about Spiderman. It wasn’t a matter of trust, he knew no matter what happened between the two of you that you’d never betray his trust in you, no it had everything to do with the enemies Spiderman made; enemies that would not hesitate to use you against him and he refused to put you in that position.

“It’s you Y/N,” He swore, eyes wide as he reached for, hating that you pulled away, “It’s been you all along.”

“Then why doesn’t it feel like that, Peter? Every time I let you in my door it feels like you make it your mission to see how long it’ll take to break me and I can’t do it anymore.” You said, tears finally making their way down your faces but you paid them no mind.

Peter hated that he made you feel this way, hated that he could see you breaking in front of him and there was nothing he could do.

He didn’t get the chance to reply as you spoke, the fight leaving you and your voice soft.

“This is the last time, Peter, it’s the last time I’m asking you why? Why do you keep lying to me? Why won’t you just tell me what you’re hiding? Why do you keep breaking my heart over and over?” You asked him, voice breaking as more tears fell down your face.

And Peter didn’t have an answer to that. The silence stretched before you shook your head, biting back a sob as you opened your bedroom door and gestured for him to leave.

You were done, he knew you were done.

You watched as he left, head low as he brushed past you and down the stairs. Moments later you heard the door close and finally allowed yourself to sob, loud, heartbreaking sobs, thankful that you were home alone for the night.

Peter couldn’t stop his own tears from falling as he recalled yours. He shook his head whilst cursing himself, why didn’t he say something, anything. Anything would have been better than just walking away from you.

Things weren’t always bad, Peter couldn’t help but laugh sadly as he recalled the good times between the two of you, the times when he actually showed up and didn’t let you down. The times were he took you to the movies and the two of you got thrown out because you kept making stupid remarks to the characters on screen, he remember the time the two of you went pumpkin picking and the two of you tended to your wounds after a incident in which he was pushing you around in a wheelbarrow and it hit a stone causing you to topple out of it and Peter to go flying over it. He remembered sneaking out with you to have breakfast at midnight in the 24/7 diner not too far from your house. He remembered all the good moments you had, remembered when he spluttered his way through a love confession and remembered all the nights he spent with you in his arms, laughing, smiling, sleeping.

He remembered it all and to think he would never get to hold you again, never get to kiss you again, never have you again…it cut deep in his heart. He knew he couldn’t give up Spiderman, it was too important, but he hated that it had cost him you.

You who had been there for him through so much more than you actually knew. You who held him when he failed to save somebody, Peter would come to you teary eyed and you didn’t force him to talk, you just held him in your arms, playing with his hair until he fell asleep in the comfort of your hold.

He sobbed as he realised he’d never have that again.

Peter looked at your front door, knowing right now you were probably in your room, all alone, feeling just as bad as he was. You probably felt worse, Peter thought after a moment, at least Peter knew why he was so secretive but you knew nothing, you thought there was another girl involved, you didn’t know Peter was protecting both you and the city.

Watching as you broke in front of him last night killed Peter, he never realised just how bad it was until last night and with one final look at your door he shook his head and turned on his heel making his way back home. You were right he was breaking your heart, he couldn’t keep dragging you along like this, letting you torture yourself over what Peter’s secret was.

Though it broke Peter’s heart, he walked away from you that night knowing that if he didn’t he would just keep hurting you until you grew to hate him and he couldn’t do that to you, not anymore.

By the time he arrived back home, soaked to the bone and alone in bed, he couldn’t stop the tears that fell, mourning all the time he had lost with you because of himself. Spiderman was supposed to be good but right now he hated everything about his other half.

Back in your own house you mirrored Peter, alone in bed with tears falling down your face as memories of the two of you together invaded your thoughts. You loved Peter Parker, you really did, but that really was the last time you would ask him why he broke your heart in the blink of an eye.

__________

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[kass-storycorner]

Hello!! i stumbled across your works and i absolutely fell inlove with your writing (especially the angsty ones)

Can i jump on the angst train and request a fic with a line that goes "I'm here, you dont have to wait anymore," with childe? Like maybe the reader told childe that theyll wait for him no matter how long it takes (and maybe a sprinkle of argument) but something happened that made the reader be on the brink of death. With or without comfort/happy ending is up to u!!

first of all thank you so much for the request! and it really makes me so happy to hear that you like my writing, especially my angst haha secondly I am so sorry that this took so long, since I saw this ask in my inbox I couldn't stop thinking about it and finished the first part of this pretty quickly - only to be stuck at how to end it (and actually fulfill the request haha). right now i am not really happy with the ending, though I feel like this is the best I can currently do! I really hope you enjoy, please let me know if it was alright haha (also I fear that I didn't really...wrote Childe in-character, I don't know)

Waiting for you

Genre: Angst, Hurt, comfort at the end

Characters: Childe x gn!reader (Childe is referred by is actual name by the reader, but outside of dialog he's called Childe)

Format: bullet points (backstory) + Text (actual fic, answer to the prompt)

Word count: 4324

Content warning: veeeery slight spoiler warning for the Liyue quests, its literally just one sentence and I tried to keep it as ambigious as possible, slight cursing (using the word bitch too, though thats the only instance of using gendered-vocab for the reader, i still wrote them gn!), mention of blood, mild violence, not proof-read ahah when will i ever do that

you can find the fic under the cut, have fun reading!

You and Childe knew each other since you were just little kids – him and his family being neighbours had meant you always ended up playing with him and his siblings, though you both got along the best.

On more than one occasion you both just ran off to somewhere no one could disturb you, your secret hideout, trading stories of great warriors from outside of Snezhnaya you heard the fishermen at the docks talk about.

Most people and children were wary of Childe, he was always the one who wanted to ‘play-fight’, which ended most of the time with the other kid running home, crying. However, you were the exception, always able to beat him or at least have a tie. Your parents, especially your father, hated it when you came back home with bruises on your arm, a bright smile and telling how you beat Childe up that day. He never felt like Childe was someone you should surround yourself with, but he kept quite for your younger years, also thanks to your mother who wasn’t fond of the fighting either but saw how much time with Childe meant to you.

Things however changed after Childe fell into the Abyss.

It was apparent how violent he got after it, even his own family was completely helpless when it came to him. So his father send him off to join the Fatui, which was a very controversial decision in the small town you both called home – most were happy to not have Childe be around anymore, for he picked up more and more fights and became more violent, but even within Snezhnaya the Fatui have a bad reputation, so most people were convinced that he would only become even worse.

Your father was one of those who was happy, but also concerned. Your mother died shortly after Childe fell into the Abyss, so your father forbade you any contact with Childe.

This, however, did not work. After Childe had to leave Morespesok you kept in touch through letters and whenever he was in town you always met up in secret.

The letters you send each other turned sweeter the older you got, changing the feelings for friendship you both felt for each other slowly into a romantic love. Childe always ended his letter with saying that he would return soon and you always with “I’ll be waiting for you Ajax”.

You always looked forward to his letters and so did he for yours. When he came back to Morespesok after every mission he had to do for the Fatui you both would meet up in your secret hideout. This place became your save haven. Conversations, hugs, kisses and even more – everything that wasn’t written in a letter between you two happened there.

Childe was fine with this and so were you. He didn’t want people to know there was someone he loved as much as he loved you, as one of the Harbringers of the Fatui it could endanger you. You on the other hand were fine with it because, even though you had no understanding for why your father forbad you the relationship with Childe, you couldn’t stomach to disappoint him. After all he was your father and you loved him dearly, no matter how much you both might disagree on things.

Still, you longed for something more – with Childe and for your own life. You wanted to travel too; you haven’t had the chance to leave Morespesok past the few neighbouring villages. So, when Childe wrote to you that after his next visit, which would only be a few days long, he was going to Liyue and didn’t knew for how long he had to stay there – you asked him in your reply if you could join him. Him writing that it wasn’t possible and better for you to stay in Morespesok and just wait for him hurt, but you understood. You are fine with waiting for him, you always were.

You were expecting a sad but loving last night with Childe before he had to leave, ending with a bittersweet goodbye. You weren’t expecting what happened instead.

Childe was angry, it was clear to see. The moment he stepped into your secret hideout you knew something was off – how he averted your eyes, how he didn’t return your kiss with a passionate one, like usual. “Ajax”, you purred in a sweet voice, “what’s wrong?”. You tried to take his hand, but he only pulled it away. Ah, that was unusual. He never refused your touch, no matter how angry he was before. “There is nothing wrong, I just was curious if there is something you want to tell me?”, he replied in a bitter tone, not even looking at you. It took you completely off guard; you saw him be angry or sulky before, you two had your fair share of arguments in the past, but somehow this was different. “No, there is nothing except for the fact that I missed you very much,” you told him, but you could feel how you started to become irritated. When you saw him two days ago visiting your family’s shop with Teucer he gave you a warm and loving smile, winking at you when he handed you that piece of paper asking to meet up tonight. What had happened in between that made him act like this? “Tsk, fine,” and with that he was on his way out. You moved quickly in front of him, blocking the way out. “Now wait a moment, would you kindly tell me what is going on here?”. He just quietly looked at you for a few seconds before he shoved you aside. “AJAX!”, you couldn’t hide your irritation and growing anger anymore, burying your fingers in his arm in order to stop him from leaving. “What did I do to make you be angry at me?”. “It doesn’t matter”, Childe replied coldly, while trying to get you to loosen your grip on his arm. “Now let me go and run home to your father and your fiancé, I bet they are already asking where you are right now.” “My what?” you replied with bewilderment. “Childe, is that why you are angry with me? Because you think I am engaged to someone else?”. Honestly, you would find this situation hilarious if it weren’t for the fact that Childe still looked at you with a sour face. “Well, I don’t think you are engaged to someone else; I know you are. Your father was really excited about the whole thing when he told me, he even invited me to your wedding, granted if I could find the time.” As he said this, he noticed how your face was a combination of confusion and anger. And oh yes, were you angry. Angry at your father for telling such blatant lies and at Childe for believing them, confused as to why he would even believe your father in the first place. “Ajax, I-“you let go of his arm, pinching the bridge of your nose and letting out a deep sigh. “I am engaged to no one, never was. I didn’t tell you this, because I didn’t want to upset you or worry you needlessly, but maybe I should’ve done it. My father continuously tries to marry me off whenever he finds anyone, he deems a worthy suitor. I guess he might have found one of your letters, though he never said anything about it, but I can’t explain why he suddenly started to become so interested in my marital status. Every few weeks he brings another person home, tells me I should marry them, for me to turn those poor fools down and tell my father he should stop. Most accept it that I have no interest in them, some stick around for a few weeks until the realise that nothing will come of it, but yeah. Ask anyone, Archons ask your family, it’s already a running joke here.” You expected the atmosphere to become less tense after you explained the whole situation to him, for him to even turn it into a joke and to apologise for his behaviour. Instead, it just grew more tense. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”, his voice still being cold, underneath it you could hear how angry he still was. “Because it wasn’t important, at least not to me. Honestly Ajax, I don’t see what the issue is here. I am not engaged and I do not plan to agree to one unless-“, you stopped yourself right there. ‘Unless it’s you who’s asking’, is what you wanted to say. You could feel how your heart fluttered even just at the thought. Childe, however, did not notice where you were going with your last sentence, too

occupied with his own anger. “Unless what?”. “It doesn’t matter, can’t we just drop the topic and enjoy our first and last night in months with each other without fighting?”, this was your last offer of peace, hoping he would finally calm down. But you knew deep down – Childe never was one to back out of a fight. “No no no, continue, tell me what you wanted to say!”, his voice growing louder and louder with every word. “Ajax, let it be,” you really weren’t in the mood for anything tonight anymore and the least you wanted to do was discuss your wish of a future with him. “No, I won’t. Tell me, because I would love to know. Or don’t, you can also just go and choose one of the various suitors your father picked out for you to fuck, I bet you really enjoy it how they are all standing in line for you,” he spit his words out, full of anger and disgust. This was the final straw for you, it was apparent that Childe choose words that he knew would hurt you with intent and it made you explode. “You know what? I’ve had enough!”, you screamed at him, feeling how tears were pooling in the corner of your eyes. Not out of sadness or because his words hurt, those were tears of pure rage. “You come in here, after I haven’t seen you in weeks, before you leave for an unspecified amount of time and all you have to do is pick a fight? Fine, here have a fight! You are unhappy that I didn’t tell you how my father wants to force me in a marriage I don’t want to be in? Boho, I am so so sorry for you Ajax. Really, I can’t fathom to imagine how much you must struggle with this, but oh well, life must be so hard when you keep travelling around Teyvat. Because I really can’t imagine how life would be outside this place, what it’s like to have anything to do. Have you ever noticed, ever realised how much I hate it? Hate the wating? Because that’s all I do! I wait for your letters, and I wait for you to return. All I ever do I wait, wait, wait. Wait for you to come home yes and wait for you to finally be ready for something, anything more!”, the tears were now streaming down your hot, angry face. Childe just looked at you, waiting for you to end what you had to say. “I am tired of waiting! I am tired of keeping us hidden, yes, I agreed to it too in the beginning, but now? Dammit, Ajax. I don’t want to be left alone here when you go to Liyue, I don’t want to wait if I don’t know for how long I should wait. I just- “it became harder for you to speak, sobs interrupting you every few seconds. “I wish you would let me join you.” Except for your sobs, which you tried to supress, silence fell over the two of you. Childe just stood there in front of you, watching how you tried to stop the tears. “You know I can’t take you with me. It’s… it’s not safe,” he said after a while. You didn’t expect for him to change his mind, however his words didn’t make you feel any better… on the contrary they made you feel even feel worse. “Leave me alone,” was all you could tell him in that moment. You didn’t want to have him near you, you didn’t want to see his stupid face or look at his sad, blue eyes. Right now, you only wanted to be alone. “(Y/N)”, Childe began softly, wanting to take you in his arms but the look you gave him made him stop dead in his tracks. “Please, I need to be alone now”. The atmosphere was heavy, both of you didn’t want to part on bad terms but – right now wasn’t the right moment to make up. “I will leave you alone, but (Y/N)”, he said, looking at you with regret about how he acted just earlier, “please wait for me.” You scoffed at his words. Wait for him, again. “(Y/N)”, you turned away, so you didn’t have to see his face when he spoke your name again. “(Y/N), please. Please promise me that you will wait for me, I’ll come back, I promise you and I will make up for this… and for making you always wait for me. I promise. You make a pinkie promise, you keep it all your life. You break a pinkie promise, I throw you on the ice.” At the mention of the nursery rhyme you had to chuckle a bit. “The cold will kill the pinkie that once betrayed your friend,

the frost will freeze your tongue off, so you never lie again,” you finished it, looking back at him. “Fine, I’ll wait. But leave now.” And with that Childe left you alone, leaving Morespesok for Liyue the next day.

It has been a few months now since Childe came to Liyue and while his endeavours here were more or less successful, what was on his mind most of the days was you and how you both parted. He wanted to kick himself in the arse for how he acted that day, for making you so angry and for making you cry. The worst however is how you haven’t written him a single letter yet and Childe, though he would never admit it because of his pride, was too scared to send you one first. That he should be the first one to send you a letter was something he was aware of but still – he couldn’t find the right words. What should he write? Every time he sat down at his desk, looking at the piece of paper in front of him… he was never able to make it past “Dear (Y/N)”, and even with this he wasn’t sure, maybe “Beloved” would sound better? Childe would’ve even considered asking Zhongli for advice, however after finding out that Childe was just a pawn in his plans – he still considers Zhongli a friend, but before he could ask for advice the feeling of betrayal needs to fade out. And now he got the order to return to Snezhnaya by the end of the next month… he felt so anxious at the thought of seeing you again, not even knowing what happened with you the past months. So in the letter to his family in which he announced is return, Childe asked them, after months of not hearing anything from or about you, how you were. When he held the letter of his family in his hands, he started to feel nervous, it included the answer of your wellbeing. He knew you would keep your promise, but still. What if when not? Reading the contents of the letter, however, made him wish that he had asked sooner. Childe couldn’t stop reading the few lines his family wrote about you over and over again.

You asked about (Y/N) wellbeing in your last letter. Ajax, we wish we could tell you some more pleasant news than this, but we haven't seen or heard anything of (Y/N) for a week now. No one really knows where they might be, the last we know is that they left their home after a fight with their father, but there is nothing more we can tell you.

After reading those few lines, the letter already crumply at the edges from the way he held onto it, Childe decided to immediately make his way back home. In his opinion it didn't matter if he returned sooner than ordered and that was a problem he will face later. For now, he wanted to know what had happened to you, because he couldn't, didn’t want to, believe that you left Morepesok... you promised that you would wait for him. But doubt crept into his heart and his mind - you were so frustrated with waiting, he noticed it before you even said anything that night. However, he kept ignoring it. It wasn't like that Childe didn't also wish for more, to build a home with you, to spend more time with you. The feeling of not being good enough for you, something your father and others in Morepesok made clear to him since your childhood together, and the fear of putting a visible target on your back by being by your side... all of it held him back.

The way back home only took him a few days and when he came close to his village, seeing the once so well-known roofs and chimney of the houses, he took a junction into the woods, making his way to the secret hideout of you two. When he arrived, he noticed how it looked lived in, at first a relive for Childe, until he saw the traces of a fight - and blood on the floor. He was quick to follow the trail of blood, the father he went away from the hideout the more blood was on the ground. Suddenly he could hear a strangers voice in the distance.

"Answer me you stupid bitch!", you felt a hand pulling you up by your hair, but you were already too tired, too beaten up and injured to even respond to that violent pull. All you tried to do was to keep your hands on your stomach, trying to stop the blood from gushing out. You could barely remember what had happened, how you got there. It all started over a week ago, when you father came with another suitor wanting to marry you. Like always you turned him down, saying you had no interest in marriage, this time however he wasn't as understand as the others were. The whole thing ended in you having a huge fight with your father about it, he tried to pressure you even more than usual to take that fella as your husband. It made you sick, you just couldn't stomach being around him anymore. You always wanted to make him happy, always feared of disappointing him. But this? Him asking you to marry a random person? It was something you just couldn't do. So you went away, ran out to the little hideout planning to stay there until Childe came back. You wanted to wait for him - you even got over your stupid pride and sent away a letter for him earlier this morning... and maybe this was your mistake. Carefully you tried not to be noticed by the people in your village, you didn’t want anyone to worry about you, however you also didn’t want to explain your disappearance for the last few days. The man who your father tried you to accept as a fiancé however seemed to have spotted you when you left the post-office. It was already too late when you realised that you were followed - the man made his way into the place that was only meant for you and Childe. After that your memory started to get blurry, how was that even possible it just had happened. He attacked you, you fought back, though the man was just stronger... you ran away, feeling the blood already coming from your stomach. Your body started to become weaker, your legs grew heavier and slower until you fell. Now he was above you, grabbing your hair and screaming. It was hard to even focus on what that man said to you, too tired grew your body and mind. 'I have to stay awake', you thought. It was clear that if you lost consciousness now... well, who knows what would happen then, you only knew it wouldn't be good. You had to wait for Childe, you had to be there when he got home.

There were more than a few things in Childes live he wished he never had to see. Seeing your limp body, blood streaming out of your stomach which you could barley cover with your hand, your hair in the hands of some stranger and your eyes struggling to stay open – yes, Childe wished this was something reserved for his nightmares, not for the reality he had to face now. It didn’t even take second for him to react at that sight, swiftly being next to that man and cutting his hand off with one of his blades, kicking the rest of him away. Childe would have loved to take his time with that man, torture him, make him regret that he was born, but what was more important was to stop your bleeding. Quickly Childe sat down next to you on the ground, using his scarf to stop the bleeding. “Ajax,” he could hear you whisper quietly. “Hey, I’m here, everything is fine, everything is going to be okay.” You desperately tried to keep your eyes open, to look at him. He was a mess, his eyes filled with fear and panic spread across his face. Never had you seen him with such an expression. For only what felt a few seconds you closed your eyes and then – “Hey, (Y/N) hey, open your eyes, talk to me”, you opened them and realised that you were in Childes arms now, his eyes switching from you to what was apparently the way to Morepesok. “Ajax…”, it was so cold. When did it became so cold again? “I waited for you and now you’re here… I waited. Kept my promise.” The last few words came out slurred. “Yes, I'm here, you don’t have to wait anymore. I promise you don’t have to wait for me ever again, just please-“ his breathing was heavy, he ran as fast as he could to the village in the hopes that the healers there could help you, that there was anyone who was able to help you now. “Please, don’t close your eyes, okay?” Before you could even answer him that you will try to keep them open you could already feel yourself slip out of conscious again. All you could say before everything went dark was his name again. “Ajax…”

The first thing you noticed was a warm hand on yours. Even before you opened your eyes you knew which hand it was. “Ajax,” you were a bit shocked at the sound of your own voice. It sounded so weak. You opened your eyes, seeing into those deep blue eyes looking at you. “(Y/N)”, he didn’t sound any better. Only now you started to notice the dark circles under his eyes and how his hair looked even messier than usual. Was he by your side the whole time? “How are you feeling?”. “Better than you apparently”, you joked, weakly grinning at him. He smiled back, rubbing the backside of your hand with his thumb. “I’m glad you’re better,” he replied quietly, looking down at the hand he was holding. “I’m glad you’re here.” At that his smile faded, turning into a sad expression and you already knew what this meant. “Don’t tell me…” “I’m sorry, I wasn’t even supposed to be here just yet and my early departure from Liyue apparently has caused some issues and… well, I was able to stay here until you woke up. The deal was when you wake up or-, well that doesn’t matter now. The deal was that I had to go back and fix the damage I caused once you wake up, which is honestly way more generous than I had anticipated.” You didn’t really understand what he was exactly talking about, you were still tired, but all you knew was that he had to go again. There wasn’t any energy left in your body to hold back the tears that were now falling down your face. Childe cupped your face in his hands, wiping away your tears with his thumb. “Hey, listen,” he said softly. “I promise you won’t have to wait for too long, when you recovered, I will send for you.” At this your ears peaked, looking at Childe with hopeful eyes. “Send for me, you mean-?”. “Yes, this time around I’ll be the one waiting for you to arrive in Liyue and not you’re waiting for me to come home.” At that you threw your arms around his neck wanting to hug him, causing you to hiss in pain. You forgot that you still had a stomach wound. “Careful now”, he laughed a bit at how enthusiastic you were about the news that you forgot your injury. “You promise that I will really join you in Liyue?”, you still couldn’t fully believe that he really was fine with it. “You make a pinkie promise, you keep it all your life. You break a pinkie promise, I throw you on the ice,” you leaned back and held your pinkie up in the air. Childe smiled at you softly, interlocking his pinkie with yours. “The cold will kill the pinkie that once betrayed your friend, the frost will freeze your tongue off, so you never lie again.”

[haechanniesunflowers]

Mafia!Ateez reaction to s/o being abused by her family

Warnings: READ AT YOUR OWN RISK domestic abuse, bruises, scars, toxic family behaviour, manipulation, torture, mentions of blood, smoking, murder, death

I'm so sorry if this made you uncomfortable, my dms are always open if you want to talk about anything

Requested by @racheloveyunho

It only gets darker and longer with the next member

Hongjoong

He came home early so you weren't prepared and were wearing a tanktop with shorts

He saw the bruises on your back and thighs

When he asked you about it later that day, you sobbed and told him that your brothers beat you because you insisted on moving in with Hongjoong

Would pretend that it didn't affect him but on the inside he's furious

He himself doesn't like to physically discipline anyone unless it is necessary or they get on his nerves and bring him to that point

How dare they lay a finger on you

He wouldn't change his behaviour with you, he'd be his usual caring self, all the while planning to knock some sense into your brothers

He laid a trap for your brothers to fall right into and met with them personally

He's a reasonable man so he started with talking to them but when they didn't listen and called him slurs he threatened to murder them

They knew Hongjoong was a part of a mafia and didn't want to anger him any further

They promised him that they would treat you better

Seonghwa

You told him you tripped and fell while you were packing your things to move in with him and that's how you got the bruise on your head and a busted lip

He bought it honestly because he's soft for you and couldn't see you like that so his focus was to get you the medical treatment you needed

You were happy with him and spent almost all of your time with him but he didn't want to hold you back form meeting your friends and family

You were ecstatic to meet your friends but not your family

They hurt you after all

So when he had someone drop you off to your family house, you were nervous but still went inside to meet them

What you got was taunts and verbal abuse

When you tried convincing them that Seonghwa was indeed very kind and loving towards you, they hit you so hard, you lost your balance and your back hit the glass corner of the table which you tried holding onto and ended up scratching your upper arm, drawing blood

You were shocked and hurt and ran out of the house

You hailed a taxi and went to your friend's house and told Seonghwa to pick you up from there

When he came home that night, you were already asleep

In the morning he woke up and found you in the kitchen at the brink of tears and you cheek was a little swollen and purplish

He asked you what happened but you said you liked hanging out with your friends yesterday and these were tears of joy and that your swollen cheek was because you ran into a glass wall

He believed you like always and wrapped his arms around you to pull you into an embrace and accidentally put pressure on the bruise on your back from yesterday

You yelped and arched your back

This time he didn't ask you but lifted your shirt to see for himself, despite your protests and was shocked to say the least

He made you feel comfortable enough to tell him that it was your family's doing

He reassured you that everything will be okay and that you could stay with him forever

That night he paid your family a visit after you went to sleep

They never contacted you again

Yunho

Your family was very religious and never really messed with you because Yunho made it very clear how protective he was towards you

Any bitter comment from your family would earn them a death glare from Yunho

He'd stare them down until they got super uncomfortable

Nobody knew what he was capable of, other than the fact that he was involved with a mafia

Your family wanted you to stay away from him but you loved him and he had promised to protect you and shield you from the mafia life

Yunho's girlfriend had no face, no one in the mafia world had ever seen you

One day you were visiting your family to celebrate your sister's birthday

You felt unwelcomed, you own blood was making you feel uncomfortable

When the guests had left and it was time to open the presents, your brother told you to go home

You were embarrassed but tried to reason with him that you guys were family

He started saying hurtful things and called you a slut and accused you of selling yourself to a dirty mafia rat who kills people for a living. He said you are nothing but his whore and he will replace you one day when he is tired of you and then you will have no one to turn to because they didn't consider you family anymore

You got up and went to the home. The home Yunho had made in the middle of a dense forest to hide you and came to see you almost every day

Yunho had decided to complete his work in advance today so he could spend more time with you in the next days, since you said you would be at your family house today

You unlocked the door and went in crying. You were wailing so hard that you laid on the floor in the lobby

You screamed when you felt someone grab you by your arms and made you sit up

Yunho looked at you in shock and worry, you nuzzled your face in the crook of his neck and cried your heart out, not caring if you were being loud and looking like a mess

You didn't need to tell him what had happened because he was aware your family had something to do with this

You woke up in bed the next day, feeling numb but had a severe headache

You looked around the room and saw a shirtless Yunho starting outside the window, you called out to him "Yunho..."

"I don't want to know what they did or said. I'm never ever going to allow you to meet them again. It took everything I had in me to stop from murdering them because I don't want to hurt you, but I can't have anyone else hurting you either"

He turned around and looked furious, you had only once seen him this angry when a spy from another mafia broke into your house and tried to stab you. Yunho had ripped his jaw off of his face with his bare hands in front of you and you fainted from shock from the intensity of the situation

Right now he had the same look on his face and you didn't want to anger him any further

Yeosang

He had never been the one to talk a lot

His calm and collected nature made people underestimate him

Your family used to love Yeosang and were supportive of your relationship with him, they were happy when you moved in with him, but that was before they knew who he was

Only you knew that Yeosang was a cold blooded killer. He was his gang's ace, he was sharp, very intelligent and very manipulative, not to mention he was the second most strongest member and was very good with weapons, his speciality being butterfly knives. He killed people the bad guys and felt no remorse. His gang members often joke that he only feels two emotions, rage when the bad guys cause menace and love towards you.

He got you pregnant and you were now worried but Yeosang had reassured you that no one in this world will ever lay a finger on you as long as he is by your side. He made you feel safe and loved. He didn't trust anyone to help you around the house so he stayed home to help you.

One day your family came over to meet you and ask after you unannounced, you being 7 months pregnant, were home alone

They wanted to see your huge house, you were nervous because you didn't want them to see some rooms but couldn't keep up with them because you got tired from walking

Then the unthinkable happened, they saw everything. They saw Yeosang's training room, his collection of knives and bulletin boards with photos of people, nasty looking people. One board had two sets of photos of the same person, one photo was for Yeosang to know who to attack and the other photo of the same person killed by him. Yeosang never wanted you to see the contents of the room, let alone your family.

They told you to come with them and to leave Yeosang but you tried to tell them that you were more than okay and wanted to stay with him

It all happened too fast, your father grabbed you by your arm, dragged you outside and forced you to sit in the car while your mother pleaded to him to not shove you around like that in this state. They didn't drive home, they were fleeing the city to get as far away from Yeosang as possible

You were screaming, your parents paid no attention to you, they thought you were protesting but actually you were screaming because of the excruciating pain you were experiencing. You were bleeding and your mom had noticed it but they were on a highway and there was no hospital nearby. They couldn't do anything about it so they kept driving out of the city, your father hoping the child would die in your womb because he now hated Yeosang and wouldn't be able to love his child either.

You fainted and after 2 hours of driving, they got to a hospital. No one knew but you were carrying twins, sadly one of them had died in your womb while the other was born healthy. You were now fighting for your life. Your parents were scared for you and afraid of being tracked down by Yeosang.

You and your baby spent a month in the hospital and recovered enough for your parents take you with them

On the other side Yeosang was on the verge of a mental breakdown. He was out looking for you, now scared and confused and in rage. He didn't know who had taken you away and was frustrated and tired but he couldn't let you go. You were the love of his life and the only person in the world who ever loved him.

He got a lead on you and within hours was outside the house where your parents were hiding you.

He broke in the house in the middle of the night and found you crying on the bed with a sleeping child by your side. He instantly became soft at the sight, all the rage he had in him was replaced by love. He softly called to you and you whipped your head up and instantly ran to him.

You begged him not to harm your parents and he couldn't say no. He silently took you and his month old son back home in the dead of the night

San

San was not one person, he had two kinds of personalities, one was a ruthless assassin and the other, a passionate lover. Both personalities had him being manipulative in common

He absolutely hated your family because you were a free spirit and liked taking risks while they were the complete opposites and often tried holding you back but you always loved an adventure and that's how you ended up with Choi San.

You dispised your family the same as they did you. You were so used to the beating that you felt nothing now. Profanities were very common too and you wanted nothing but to slap each and every one of them and run away.

You were head over heals for him the moment he crossed paths with you but you didn't show that to him. He tried manipulating you into getting you to sleep with him but you knew better and brushed him off

He was used to women being on their knees for him so you not doing that was a challenge for him and he was hell bent on getting you to like him

He was going crazy over you and started meeting you at your workplace during his missions, like he had to kill a man in 30 minutes but he just had to see you first

When you weren't giving in to his art of seduction, he tried a different way

He asked you out like a decent human being and you said yes, wow that was easy, right?

No, you made him work hard for your love and affection and he was obsessed with making you happy to feel loved by you and by the time San realized what was going on, it was too late

He was madly in love with you and practically drooling over you

He finally asked you to move in with him and you said yes even though you knew your family would disapprove. You went home and packed your stuff and tried to leave but your family members didn't let you leave and in an effort of saving you from inevitable destruction which was Choi San, they beat you to the point you passed out.

They texted San from your phone, pretending to be you and told him to stay away and leave you alone, that you wanted nothing to do with him.

San was confused and scared when he got that text from you and texted you back to take your time and rethink your decision.

You woke up in your room at some point during the night, unable to open one eye because it had been bruised badly. Your head was bleeding and the blood had dried on your face. You left leg hurt a lot because of you lying in an unnatural position. You didn't have your phone or anything else

You felt empty and all you wanted was to be in San's loving embrace

It was now or never

You escaped from your window and somehow managed to get to San's front door, it was almost morning

You knocked on his door and called for him

He opened the door after some time and took in your form

He was in too much rage but he had to tend to you first

A few weeks later he came home and told you that he made sure your family is now in another city far away from you and won't contact you again

A tear slipped down your face, you were free from their torment

You kissed San and thanked him

He would do anything to make you happy

Mingi

Mingi was the notorious mafia leader who has connections with the government and the dark world

He had money and fame (the good and bad kind) and all that was missing was love and you filled that void

He loved you too much and would never let anyone hurt you

People knew better

So your own family, your own blood hurting you for wanting to live with Mingi didn't sit well with him

He was distracted at work and all he could see was your face, your tear filled eyes, your bruised arm and your distraught state

He wished he had sent someone to get you from your family house sooner so you didn't have to go through the abuse

He wished you never told them about it and just moved in with him

You were in his home, resting in his bed, thinking about what had happened

Did they really didn't see any good in Mingi?

Did they really have to hit you?

Did you do the right thing?

These thoughts flooded your mind and you were just as distracted

Mingi came home in a hurry and told you to come with him

You asked him where you guys are going and he says we're going to get back at them

He took you to your house and barged right in, unannounced

Seeing Mingi in person was overwhelming and your family were scared, pleading to him to let them go

Mingi told them that he was going to kill them for hurting you and there was panic and chaos

You came to stand next to him, squeezed his hand and softly told him that you want to go home

He couldn't say no to you so he warned them that this isn't over and took you home

You talked to Mingi and convinced him to let them go because they were your family after all

He's the one who said that if the loved toy and cared for you, they wouldn't hurt you like this and family doesn't mean you have to tolerate this kind I'd behavior when you're old enough to make decisions for yourself

You kissed him and wondered why couldn't your family see the good in him

Wooyoung

It started off with you slowly telling your folks about what Wooyoung did for a living

You were smart, so you didn't tell them about his business until you moved in with him otherwise they would have disapproved

You didn't mention that he tortured people and killed them without remorse, no, you said that he works with an organization that eliminates evil people which was true in essence

Your family was having none of it

They wanted you as far away from him as possible

You loved him and he loved you but they didn't believe it

They kept you from leaving the house and since Wooyoung was away for some time on a mission he didn't know

It was only when he got home that he found out that you hadn't returned, but he didn't think much of it because you were with your family

You on the other hand were panicking not only because you were being forced to stay away from Wooyoung but also because you just found out that you were pregnant

You had to get back to him no matter what

You refused to eat or talk to your family members, only demanding to meet Wooyoung

When he didn't get any message from you he began to get suspicious

He sent someone disguised as a delivery boy over to your house to check up on you and got word that you were sick and locked in your room

He got up and drove to your house in the middle of the night and broke through the front door. He didn't care who got in his way and pushed and punched whoever protested

He got to your room and demanded that you open it

You did and jumped at him, told him you were pregnant and they were keeping you from going back to him and cried

He took you in his arms and was taking you back with him

Your father threatened to call the police and Wooyoung simply said "say hi to chief inspector Jeon from me" leaving the father shocked

You were happy to be back with your lover and were excited about the baby, the same as Wooyoung

Jongho

Probably the strongest man in the whole mafia world

Everyone feared him

He didn't have to say twice for what he wanted because people had heard how he smashed someone's skull open with his bare fists

He had asked you to move in with him and you happily said yes

But when you told your family about your decision they asked you if you were crazy

You didn't listen to them and started packing

They weren't going to let you go to some barbarian

But you weren't listening so they had to do it the hard way

Deep down you were happy to leave because your family had always been abusive and toxic

When you were asked to leave with your suitcases your father grabbed you by your arm and shoved you against the wall

"you bitch, you really think you can disobey me?"

Your mother held you by your hair and slapped you so hard your nose started bleeding

They beat you severely and you had stopped screaming at this point

You thought you were going to die when they left you like this on the kitchen floor

You don't know what got into you but you got on your feet and ran out the front door where you were stopped by Jongho waiting for you beside his car

He saw you and gently pushed you aside and went straight inside the house

He came out after almost 20 minutes, blood splattered on his face and clothes

You were already in shock from the beating that you didn't question him

He got in the car with you, held your face in his hands and said "don't worry, I called an ambulance for them, they just might be okay"

With that your heart sank but you were too shaken to feel sad for them so you just cried

Jongho took you home

[whumpsday]

17, 23, 25, 42, and 67 for present Kane? And 2, 20, and 54 for Jim? And also 39 for pre-torture Kane lol

Present Kane

17. What is the worst punishment you've received?

"I was, I was bad. They thought I was trained enough that I didn't need restraints anymore. I thought so too. But she smelled so good and I was just so hungry. I wasn't even thinking, it was like my body was moving without my control. Of course, one of them grabbed me before I could reach the human I had tried to attack." He wraps his arms around himself. "That was the longest they ever kept me out in the yard at once. It was a whole week. No breaks. Of course there was nighttime, but it was never enough to recover, not even close. And they put this thing... they put this thing in my mouth, a special muzzle that held it open, so the sun would burn on the, the inside. Of my mouth. Because I tried to bite." His eyes are unfocused and he can't stop shaking.

answered 23 here!

25. Where do you wish you were right now?

"Right here. I don't want to be anywhere else. I haven't been hurt yet, and I get a bed, and clothes, and a blanket."

42. Do you think that you have a future?

"Jim is going to get rid of me at some point. The only question is whether he's going to kill me or send me back. I really, really hope I don't have a future."

67. Do you have any secrets you've kept from [Whumper]?

(just gonna pretend it says caretaker instead bc its more interesting than "no")

"I haven't told him about how hungry I am. I'm not keeping it from him, I would tell him if he asked, but I don't want to bring it up. I'm afraid he'll become angry with me if I do, and I'm sure he's noticed on his own. Asking for blood from him, after everything? How could I be so greedy? It's fine. I can take it without complaint, it's the only punishment."

Present Jim

2. How do you cope with your trauma?

He shrugs. "Whatever. I tried the therapy stuff, Liz made me. It didn't really help. I don't like talking about my feelings with some random stranger. When I first got out, I was living with Liz for a while. I was a mess. She put up with a lot of shit from me. I moved out to give her some space. Plus, it got old being around people all the time when everyone just knows you as "the guy who escaped the vampires". Too many reminders. There's your answer, I guess. I just try not to think about it. Kind of hard to do when he's living in my basement now." He looks exhausted. He did not like this question.

20. Do you like [Whumper]?

"No, obviously not. I'm not doing this because I like him. I'm doing it because, fuck, just look at him. He's hurt, and scared out of his mind. I can't just leave him. Or kill him. That's not justice."

54. If you could say anything you wanted to [Whumper] without any consequences whatsoever, what would you say?

Jim gives a bitter, joyless laugh. "That was the plan, wasn't it? I had this whole speech lined up, all about how I'm stronger than him now, and how does it feel to be on the other side. Guess he knows after all."

Pre-whump Kane

39. What is wrong with you?

He immediately becomes extremely defensive. "Nothing's fucking wrong with me! You think you're so much better than me!? Name one thing you can do that I can't. I got a human. I keep him in line without even needing to use persuasion. Bet you couldn't do that, huh? You need persuasion. Guess what, that makes me better than you!"

If you clarify that you are referring to his actions:

He calms down considerably. "Oh, you're one of those people." He waves your question away flippantly. "I've heard enough of that shit from Bel-- someone else. You think vampires and humans should frolic in the fields together holding hands, be my guest. Everyone with a brain knows you're a loon. This is how the world works."