#I'm trying to get over my anxiety about responding to comments and leaving them on other fics so yeah 😅

[charnauk]

Rating: Explicit

Recently finished this earth 616 reedsue smut fic. I was working on this between the second chapter of my other fic, dabbling between fluff and painful angst. So that was interesting. :D

To be honest, this is the first time I've written a sex scene in over a year and a half, and that was with OCs, so I'm not entirely sure how well I did here. But I'm glad I worked up the confidence to write this sort of stuff again.

[fountainpenguin]

Secret Life finale highlights for me:

- "My strategy: Kill Skizz and Tango. Will happen at some point... Or, just maim them and watch them die in a corner." - Scar

- Scott on Grian's loyalty: "I have never seen a man drop a pair of sunglasses faster in my life [than last season after Joel died]."

- I think I reblogged someone's speculation weeks ago that at the dawn of final session, everyone's task book would just say "Win Secret Life." Congrats to them for Apollo's gift of prophecy.

- Martyn's beat of pause before saying to Joel "Welcome to the Out of Context video."

- At the start of the season, Etho said Joel was the first one he wanted to kill because "He's cheeky." When Joel is asked who he wants to kill, he says "Etho." Glad you're enjoying your rivalry, boys, smh...

- Joel, once again giving into his Shrek origins, watching Bdubs' wool globe go up in flames and chirping "My world's on fire; how 'bout yours?"

- Tango does not break his "pathetic death" curse. Just blipped out of existence. Love that for him.

- Spitting, crying... BigB panics and flees into his creepy backrooms for safety. Immediately vanishes into the tunnel maze. Scar pursues and skids to a halt because he hasn't seen it yet and is thoroughly creeped out.

- Scar coming up to surface and trying to describe how BigB disappeared. Martyn looks down at where they're standing and is just like "Oh, that's the backrooms." Mental image of Scar as that meme that goes "The. what."

- Scar describing BigB as a sneaky squirrel. "Squirrel" was the name of BigB's horse in Double Life.

- Joel's anxiety about entering a Nether portal on the final episode, specifically because of how he and Etho perma-died in Double Life

- Whatever was going on with Martyn flinging ender pearls up the ladder seconds before he died

- Additionally, people in the background commenting that they think Martyn's teamed up with Cleo and the only reason he was near them was an attempt to bear down and kill them

- Scar to Bdubs, watching Cleo and Etho from a distance: "Look at this- Mom and Dad are bringing their new ugly stepson to meet us, Bdubs." /camera pans to the warden chasing them

- Bdubs tells Scar that Cleo said he was her favorite son and Scar IMMEDIATELY, without responding or even waiting for Bdubs to finish his sentence, jumps a wall and books it to Cleo to confirm... Mental image of him swinging dramatically over it with one hand, his shawl billowing behind him

- Scar chases Cleo while they're both being pursued by a warden, asking her if he's her favorite son. Doesn't let up until she assures him she "just said it to keep Bdubs happy." what is wrong with the Clocker family.

- Joel somehow pulled off a beautiful PVP kill on Skizz despite having only 2.5 hearts

- In earlier episodes, Joel had people say "The florist sends his regards" on his behalf before striking. Before killing Skizz, he says "Scar sends his regards" since Scar really wanted to kill Skizz but bequeathed the fight to Joel instead.

- Scar trotting up to Etho and Cleo, who are watching him from a cliff, and announcing "I am not up to anything nefarious!"

- Scar's weird spiky wall design is really pretty

- slkdjfskldjfsklj?!?!?!? I had a bullet point on this list that said "Honorable non-finale mention to Scar getting both the Green and Yellow kill on Etho this season" but now I see I need to correct that:

- Shout-out to Scar killing Etho - in Etho's front yard - THREE TIMES this season. Etho rushing back to his base, tripping over his feet and saying "I'm going home, everybody- I'm dying at my home-"

- Scott to Scar: "I went down to BigB - to get him - and I see what you mean; he does just talk his way out of things so you feel bad; you just leave him." / Scar: "That's why you don't let him speak. You just inner monologue. You start talking about Star Wars so you can't hear his charms."

- As Scar drives his sword into Cleo, he says "Good-bye, Mom- This is for you telling Bdubs [he's your] favorite." Geez, dude. Scar killed both his parents; this family is a mess. Bonus points for Joel fumbling in the background like "Oh my gosh- Scar, you savage-"

- I watched multiple POVs until I was caught up to the standoff between Gem & The Scotts vs. The Mounders... So picking up from there with Scar's POV b/c his is the one I randomly started with today: I love how Joel basically went "I am once again throwing caution to the wind and charging into battle with a murderous Red rage in my eyes and no one behind me" like he ALWAYS does.

- Bdubs and Scar decide to back him up... Amazing.

- Scar has gotten 4 kills (Tango, Etho, Cleo, Impulse) and he was super close to getting BigB as well before Scott sniped the kill. Geez... The man is vicious today. During Limited Life, Grian made a comment that went something like "Of course Scar is only destructive / successful when I'm not on his team" and honestly? Yeah...

- Pearl begging Scar to kill her- Pearl warning Scar that if she perma-kills Gem, she'll go up 10 hearts- Scar refusing, insisting that he doesn't want to turn on her because it feels lame...

- Scar got Gem, he got Gem... GeminiSlay is DOWN!

- SCAR SWEEP WITH THE BOW!!

Oh my goodness, I saw his episode title ("Can Villain Scar Win?") and the words that went through my head were "Welp, that's a spoiler that he's dead." I see I was wrong.

GG, SCAR WIN!!! Man who wanted so desperately to have friends, only to trip and fail time and time again... GoodTimesWithVictor!!

My heart, Scar letting that zombie knock him down to half a heart... playing up like he didn't just watch the lightning bolt mark Pearl's demise. He wanders, calling out to Pearl, asking where she went... quietly giggling and muttering to himself as that zombie pushes at him... GG, Scar. GG.

My goodness, is this the only time we haven't seen the winner die in their perspective? Scar slams that success button for winning the game, gets 5 hearts, turns back, and that's it... That's the game. End scene.

What a LAD!!

[whatdoeseverybodywant]

You're the Only Girl for Me - Chapter 21

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site, even if you give me credit. DO NOT REPOST MY FICS

Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated ❤ 

All OC Characters belong to me

Main Masterlist

Series Masterlist

AIRIELLEJONES

liked by uceyjucey , trinity_fatu and 193,000 others

AirielleJones: Pretty Girl, Pretty Tempting 🖤

view all comments

uceyjucey: damn

yasmine_jones: okay cuz! ❤️ (❤️ by author)

trinity_fatu : damn is right, you look good friend! (❤️ by author)

user: bring back the bob! (❤️ by author)

August 21st 2021 - Summerslam

Las Vegas, NV

“So you’re coming to the twins' party tonight?” 

“Absolutely not.” Airielle immediately answered with an eye roll, as the two of them sat backstage watching Josh and Jon’s match against the Mysterio’s. “I will give Jon his gift tho, before my flight back to Pensacola.” 

“What about Josh?” 

“What about him?” Airielle responded back, glaring at Trinity, who had a smirk on her face. 

“Sis, we got the plane tickets together.” Again, Airielle rolled her eyes. 

“Well you and Jon can take Jayla and Jaden, since y’all now have two extra tickets.” Airielle said, pulling the envelope out of her bag and handing it to Trinity. 

“Airielle come-on now..” 

“Or You can give it to Josh and he can give the other ticket to Yara or whatever, I don’t care.”  Trinity gave Airielle a look. “I do not care.” She said standing up from her seat. 

“No” Trinity whined as Airielle started to walk away. “Don’t leave me!”  Airielle stuck her tongue out and continued on her way. She was relieved to finally have the plane tickets out of her possession. They were causing way more anxiety than necessary.

She and Trinity had decided to plan their partners (at the time) birthday together and since Josh had shown his whole ass for her birthday she thought it was only right for her to do the same. Josh had mentioned how he wanted to go to Turks & Caicos. She had splurged on the best private villa for her and Josh to stay. Even though they were supposed to be with Trin & Jon the couples had their own private entry to the villa and would only have to see each other when they wanted to. 

Airielle was so deep in her thought she didn’t see Angel Garza as he stood in front of her, trying to get her attention. She let out a “oof” as they collided. 

“Mierda!” He said as he grabbed his arms to steady her so she wouldn’t topple over in her heels. “Are you okay?” He asked her and she nodded. 

. “Yes I'm fine Angel. I should watch where I'm going.” She said and he laughed.  

“You know princesa,” Angel started, as he pulled her closer to him. “I’ve seen movies like this.” She furrowed her eyebrows at him. 

“Movies? What are you talking about?” 

“Cómo se dice uh.. meet-cute.” 

“A meet-cute?”  

“Yeah, you know, boy and girl run into each other, girl falls in love boy- “ 

“Boy gets his ass whopped if he don’t get the fuck on.” Josh cut him off and he slid in between Angel and Airielle mean muggin’ the hell outta Angel. 

“Oh my god” Airielle muttered, slapping her hand on her forehead. 

“Get the fuck on.” Josh said again after Angel didn’t move. It was then Airielle noticed the camera crew that had their cameras trained on the three of them and she cursed. She forgot the Total Divas crew were following the cast around today. 

“Josh, stop.” She whispered, gripping the back of his shirt when he went to advance towards Angel. “It’s cameras filming you.”  Angel smirked at Josh, waived at Airielle and continued on his way.  

“Wassup man? I’ve been calling you for days.” Airielle rolled her eyes. 

“We have nothing to talk about.” She stated, crossing her arms over her chest and cutting her eyes over to the camera crew, who were still recording them. 

“You said you weren’t mad at me.”  Josh said, as he stepped in front of her when she tried to walk around him. 

“Yeah, well I lied, Joshua. I’m pissed off and I just want to be left alone.” 

“So why didn’t you answer the phone so we could talk about it Airielle? Oh my god She thought as she looked over to the camera crew again, knowing they were definitely going to use this footage. 

“Because there is nothing to talk about.” She huffed out. 

“Us. We can talk about us.” 

“There is no us anymore Joshua.” He scoffed. 

“And whose fault is that? We were rocking strong Rih. I ask you to move in with me and you do a whole 360. Probably could’ve been engaged by now and shit.” 

“That's the problem.” She hissed, pushing him away from her. “You wanna move way to fuckin fast Josh. 5 months and you wanted to move in together! Is that not crazy as hell?” 

“You so damn selfish,” He stated. “It’s always about how you feel or what you think. What about me? Do you have any idea of how much it hurt me to see you with Raymond and then to catch you kissing him after you said y’all weren't together.” 

Airielle felt like shit now. Even though she shouldn’t because she left Raymond alone until she saw Josh with Yara.  

“Yo, y’all good?” Josh and Airielle broke their staring contest to look over at Jon and Trin who had just walked up on them. 

“I have to go.” Airielle muttered as she walked away from them, Josh tried to follow her but Jon stopped him. 

“She always running.”  She heard Josh tell Jon and Trin before she ducked into an empty room in the arena. She let out a shaky breath and leaded against the door. She knew she had fucked up by kissing Raymond but Josh had done the unthinkable…the unforgivable by sleeping with Yara. 

Trinity 💚: pleaseeeeeeeee  Trinity 💚: im begging on my hands and knees here! To Trinity 💚: lemme see. 

Airielle let out a laugh as her phone started ringing with a facetime call. She answered and started laughing harder at what she saw. 

Jon and Trinity had their cheeks pressed together and they both were pouting at the phone. “Please” They both begged at the same time. 

“I don’t wanna be the only bad bitch here ,Airielle.”  Airielle let out a giggle and rolled her eyes. 

“Look at how you got my lil bro’” Jon said as he snatched the phone out of Trin’s hands and flipped the camera to show a dejected looking Josh. “Lil Uce keep looking towards the door to see if you comin’”  Airielle couldn’t help but bite her bottom lip as she took him in. He was looking real good, she almost got up to put some clothes on - NO! Her inner voice yelled at her. He had sex with Yara, fuck him! 

“He could be looking for Yara.” Airielle mumbled, and she heard Jon suck his teeth before he flipped the camera back to himself. 

“Sis be forreal.” Jon slurred. “Yara is here and before you say anything, Uce ain’t paying her no mind. I mean zero.” She let out another laugh when Trinity held up the hand gesture for zero behind Jon’s head. “So getcho’ ass down here and come cheer my brother up!” 

“ No you did not!” She heard Jon yell out as she walked into their section. She watched Josh do a double take, his jaw dropping open as he took in her outfit. 

“Happy Birthday!” Airielle said as she handed Jon a gift bag. Josh looked like he expected a gift too, but when she walked past him and towards Trinity and Mercedes, he sunk back down into his seat. 

“Yay!” Trinity and Mercedes cheered, pulling Airielle into a hug. “Girl you look hot as hell!” 

“I said cheer him up, not give him a heart attack.” Jon giggled. 

“Y’all drunk as hell, lemme catch up!”  Jon yelled out drink orders and Airielle made her way to the bar to order them. 

“First of all, do you see what she’s wearing?” Josh heard Yara ask but like Jon said, he was paying her no mind. “Her whole ass is out!”  Josh gritted his teeth as he watched Airielle lean on the bar top to point at something and he stood up, ignoring Yara calling his name and marched over to Airielle. 

“Damn,” Her whistled lowly as he walked closer to her, no shame in his game as he eyed her body. “You look good.” He whispered into her ear as he boxed her in between the bar and his body, while he flagged down the bartender for her.  “You know it’s my birthday too. Where my present at?”  

Airielle snorted but didn’t turn around to face him. “Don’t you got a girlfriend to go be with or something. Why you over here bothering me?”  She thanked the bartender but before she could grab the tray of drinks, Josh grabbed it and with his other hand he laced his fingers with hers, leading her back over to the section. 

Yara watched with narrowed eyes as Josh sat down next to Airielle. He had been ignoring her all night and Yara was about to put a stop to it. Josh was her man now.  

“Joshy, come on, let's dance.” Airielle snorted and choked on her drink at Yara’s nickname for Josh. She cut her eyes over at Josh who had his eyes closed and was shaking his head. That’s exactly what he gets. Airielle thought just as Thot Shit by Megan Thee Stallion started blasting through the club. 

“This my jam y’all!” Trinity yelled, grabbing Airielle and Mercedes hands and pulling them towards the dance floor.  Josh was in a trance as he watched Airielle out on the dance floor. Mesmerized by the way she moved her body to the beat. He had to get his girl back ASAP. 

Four songs and three more shots later Airielle pulled herself away from the dancefloor to rush towards the bathroom. As she was coming out she bumped into Josh who was obviously waiting for her as he leaned  against the wall. 

 “Where ya little girlfriend at?” She asked, looking around.  He chuckled and walked closer to her. 

“I’m looking at her.”  Airielle rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. “You wore this for me?” He asked as he dragged his eyes, slowing up her body. 

“Josh please.” She said as she rolled her eyes again and tried to walk around him but he stepped in front of her, and started to slowly back her into the wall. He slowly leaned into her and watched how she let out a gasp at how close he was getting. 

Before she could say anything, their lips connected. She felt him moan into her mouth and she tilted her head to be able to kiss him back.   his hands  now gripping her hips while her arms wrapped around his neck. His tongue exploring the inside of her mouth. He broke the kiss and slid his hands to rest just above her ass. He rested his forehead against hers 

“I’m sorry alright, I was hurt and angry and I should've never took it there with Yara. I don’t want us to be like this anymore. I want you. Only you.”

Authors Note: Sorry this took so long. I wanted it to be perfect for yall. 🫶🏽 Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated ❤ 

🏷️: @christinabae @southerngirl41 @reci1996 @jeyusos-girl @empressdede

@harmshake @paigereeder @li-da-savage @nbanenefrmdao @alyyaanna

@jeysbae @theninthwonder @badbitchcentralinc @leaderofthebadbitchbrigade @bonni-98

@raya-hunter01 @abadbitchblogs @qveenmikaelson @black-yn @mzv11

@shantinextdoor @sheydnni @zillasvilla @thatone-girly @xmonetswold

@bebesobrielo @kill-the-artiste @wrestlingprincess80 @yana3sworld @bookuce

@that-one-anxious-mango @mersers-moonypadfoot-prongs @sageispunk @heathetherlamont30 @amandairene88

[lainiespicewrites]

Coach Sy part 4 "The Date"

Here it is folks! Sy and Alayna's big first date and other things ;) Enjoy let me know what you think! No I promise I'm not stopping here!!

Warnings: cursing, alcohol consumption, Smut! (p in v) , creampie, Dom Sy

Reblogs and comments are always welcome! all mistakes are mine! it's late and I definitely did not proof read because I was on a roll and excited about posting it! I'm sorry in advance for any grammatical errors

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was another busy week. We were headed into the second week of October and that meant midterms were right around the corner. And so was fall break. Half of my students were anxious and stressed, they had test anxiety and were worried where this would put them on the class ranking. The others, I couldn’t get them to focus. They had one foot out the door ready for the long weekend, Ready for pumpkin patches and fall leaves. Surely plotting their next instagram post or tik tok or whatever it was they were doing now. 

I actually didn’t see much of Sy during the week, the boys were up against another difficult team this friday so he spent most of his lunches watching tape for practice. We kept things professional when we did run into each other though. It helped that I wasn’t sure how far he wanted to take it after what he’d said saturday. He wanted to be a gentleman. I guess that meant he wasn’t going to kiss me again either until he took me out on a date. I could handle that. But it didn’t mean it wasn’t torture. Logan may be kind and sweet and the perfect gentleman. But he’s also a big fucking tease. And he was doing it on purpose!

I ran into him on Wednesday afternoon in the hallway. I was on my way back in from picking up lunch. He was on his way back to his classroom. He immediately smiled when he saw me

“Well there’s a sight for sore eyes, late lunch darlin?” He asked, leaning against the wall in the hallway. I blushed.

“Hey handsome, yeah, busy afternoon just got the chance to go pick something up.” I responded. Then added “I’ve missed are lunch dates, I haven’t seen much of you this week,” I bit my lip softly waiting for him respond. 

“Yeah, me too, I’d much rather be having you for lunch,” He winked. “But I don’t think that’d be very work appropriate.” He smirked. I felt my face heat up and my eyes went wide. 

“Sy!” I scolded trying so hard to hide my laugh. He cupped the my jaw and brushed his thumb over my cheek. 

“Saturday’s only a few days away Darlin’, I waited over a year for you. Just a few more days and you can see as much of me as you want,” He drawled out chuckling softly. 

My face went completely flush and my heart rate sped up. This had to be what a heart attack felt like. God this man knew what he was doing. My skin felt like it was burning and simultaneously I was puddle on the floor for him. 

“You talk big game for a man that won’t even kiss me,” I teased, finally finding my voice again. I watched him as his eyes flickered behind me and he quickly turned to see if we were alone. 

“I can’t baby, you’re like a drug or something. If I get started with you again I’m not gonna be able to stop. And this aint the right place for that sugar.” He smiled softly. He let his hand fall back to his side. We were in the middle of the hallway surely we couldn’t stand like this forever and not get caught. And he was right. Faculty dating isn’t against the rules. But at the rate we were going we would be fired if we took a step closer to each other right now. 

“I do that much for you?” I asked, unable to hide smile. 

“You do more than that sugar, you’ll see soon enough. I gotta head back to my classroom and get some work done. I’ll see you at the game Friday! You go eat darlin, don’t need you passin out on us,” he gave me one last soft smile before we parted ways and I headed back to my office.  

On thursday night I went to dinner with the girls. And gave them all the details they’d been waiting for. 

“Girl I would have melted! He did not!” Skyler gasped. I laughed and hid my blush behind a sip of wine. 

“And in the middle of the school hallway, you guys are like teenagers,” Hayley shook her head, but smiled. “You better be back by curfew saturday night,” she smirked. I took another bite of the cake we were sharing for dessert and smiled skyler shook her head. 

“I don’t think he plans on taking her back to her house unless he’s staying the night,” She joked. 

“My god you guys can we get through one dinner without discussing my love life,” 

“No, it was non-existent until he came along and we are fully invested. This is better than TV!” Skyler laughed. “Seriously though, I hope you have so much fun saturday night, you haven’t been out on a date in… well a really long time! You deserve this!” 

“He does know you’re like horrible at bowling though right? Like when we used to go in high school your best game was like a 72, you might as well as just dropped it right in the gutter!” Hayley laughed. 

“I tried to tell him! I chuckled. “If anything there will be a lot of laughter. And it’ll be an excuse for him to put his hands on me again.” I wiggled my eyebrows. Hayley rolled her eyes and skyler almost choked on her drink laughing. I love my friends so much! 

Friday felt like it dragged on forever. Sy was busy all day again so I’d only heard from him in his usual “Good morning” text. We were busy in the office starting sign-ups for the first senior college campus field trip, and I skipped lunch so I was starving by the time I packed up my office at the end of the school day. Just as I was about to lock up my office there was a knock on my door. 

I looked up and saw a few of the boys on the football team standing outside of my office. 

“Derek, Matt, Tyler, Can I help you boys?” I smiled. 

“We just wanted to thank you for being at our game last week Ms. P, You’re the best!” Derek spoke first. He was such a sweet kid. He was a shoein for a football scholarship at one of the big universities. 

“Yeah and we heard you were gonna be there tonight too! That’s awesome, Coach says you’re our good luck charm and I think he’s right. No one’s got as much spirit as you!” Tyler laughed. 

“You boys are just trying to butter me up to write your college recommendation letters,” I chuckled. “That’s so sweet of you to say, thank you! I can’t wait to watch you guys play tonight!”

“You rock Ms. Plummer! Oh and uh,” Matt smirked  and stepped out from behind the other two boys I hadn’t noticed he was holding a bouquet of flowers. “Coach sent us to deliver these,” He said extending the vase out to me. 

“Thank you Matt,” I smiled taking them from him and setting them on my desk. “You guys better get home Coach will have your head if you don’t take care of yourselves before the game!” They all smiled 

“We’ll see you tonight Ms. P!” Derek called as they left the office. Shook my head and smiled to my self as picked up the flowers and finally closed up my office. 

Once I got home from work I set the flowers on the counter and noticed there was a little card attached. I pulled off the little envelope and took out the card. 

“Flowers for our gorgeous good luck charm. It’s gonna be a great game! Can’t wait to see you tonight Sugar ;)”  I could feel my cheeks heating up and I smiled to myself. He was too much sometimes. But I loved it. I ate a quick dinner, changed into some jeans and put on Sy’s hoodie I still had from last weekend. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.  I sprayed on a little perfume that he had complimented a while ago. And then headed out the door to get to the game a little early. 

I don’t know why I was trying to impress him. I already had him. But I really enjoyed having his attention. And I missed it so much this week while he was busy. The spot next to his truck was open so I parked next to him. It was starting to feel natural. I liked it. It felt like we belonged together. I shook my head. I was getting ahead of myself. 

When I headed toward the field I found him immediately. He was standing on the sidelines talking with the other coaches while the boys were warming up. I walked along the fence that ran along the outside of the track and stood leaned against it waiting for him to see me. One of the other coaches saw me first and smirked. He sent me a little wink before he nudged Sy and nodded in my direction. Sy raised his eyebrow and turned to see what Nick was looking at. I smiled and and waved shyly. “I’ll be back, Nick get the boys started on the next defensive drill, I want ‘em good and focused tonight!” He said barely looking back to catch his assistant coaches response before he strode over to the fence giving me a toothy grin. 

“Hello beautiful,” He smiled as he leaned his hip against the fence. 

“Hey handsome, looks like the boys are in good shape for the game tonight!” I said. He looked out at the field and watched them for a minute and nodded. 

“Yeah, we’re lookin’ even better now that our good luck charm is here. The boys couldn’t wait to give you your flowers.” He chuckled, turning back to face me. 

“Yeah? I’m sure THEY couldn’t,” I smirked. “Thank you they were beautiful, and the card was sweet Sy, you didn’t need to do that.” 

“Gentlemen always, sends flowers on the first date,” He teased. 

“Yeah but it’s not until tomorrow,” I joked. 

“Okay, so maybe I felt bad that i’ve been a little busy this week, just wanted you to know that I’m eager to see you again. I’m always thinking about ya,” he smiled

“Sy,” i blushed

“It’s true, I’m always thinking about your pretty little smile. And those lips.” He paused “The way you taste. And those tits,” He smirked wiggling is eyebrows. 

“Oh my god,” I blushed and folded my arms against the fence hiding my face. “You are ridiculous!” I mumbled against my sleeve. He chuckled. 

“Is that my sweatshirt?” He asked raising an eyebrow. I lifted my head to meet his gaze biting my lip softly. 

“It might be.” I said shyly. 

“So you’ve been thinking about me too,” He smirked. 

“It’s kinda hard not too,” I admitted. He smiled and holding my gaze for a moment before looking back at the field, then behind me at the bleachers. 

“It’s probably not appropriate for us to show PDA around the students like this huh?” He said sadly, “I wanna kiss you so bad,”

“Well, it is technically after work hours, and theres no harm in a good luck kiss.” I smiled batting my eyelashes playfully. 

“I like the way you think Darlin,” He smirked cupping my jaw tilting my face up and pressing his lips to mine softly. We stayed like that for a few seconds breathing each other in. It’d been a long week. Finally we pulled away when one of the players whistled from the sidelines. Sy chuckled and shook his head. 

“Good luch coach.” 

They didn’t need it, the boys played amazing. The predictions would be that this would be a close scoring game, but our team shut them out. The final score was 54 to 10. They had 4 straight consecutive wins this season. They were undefeated so far and if they won again next week it would be the first time in 15 years we’d headed into an undefeated season. Sy was really soaking it up after the game. 

“Well look at you Cowboy.” I smiled waiting against my car as he walked out to his truck after everyone had cleared out. “You’re famous around here now.” 

“Nah, the boys deserve all the credit, they’re the ones putting in the work.” He said humbly. 

“I saw you celebrating you out there, You love this!” I grinned, looking up at him as he stopped right in front of me. “You’re a damn good coach, they wouldn’t be this good without you,” I put my hand on his chest and the other on his shoulder pulling him closer. 

“With a beauty like you cheering us on we’re unstoppable baby,” He said softly grabbing my belt loops and pulling me against him kissing me roughly. I let him bit my lip and slip his hands down to squeeze my ass before I pulled away and pushed him back softly with my hand on his chest. 

“Slow down Tiger, you haven’t taken me out yet remember?” I smirked. He groaned dropping his head to my shoulder breaking heavily against my neck. “Whats got you all riled up captain?

“You showing up in my hoodie, kissing me like that, acting all shy,  you’re such a tease baby,” he growled. 

“Me? And your little stunt in the hallway this week wasn’t teasing? I couldn’t focus for the rest of the day! And I couldn’t kiss you then!” I pouted. He smirked. 

“Yeah I guess that wasn’t fair was it?” He brushed my hair back away from my face and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. “Okay, we better get out of here before I try and take you home with me again,”

“One more day Logan, you did this to yourself!” I winked. “It’ll be worth it.” He chuckled.

“I’ll pick you up around 7:30 for dinner, the bowling thing starts at 9 is that okay?” He asked. 

I nodded “That sounds perfect Sy! I’ll see you then,” I said walking  around to the drivers side of my car and opening the door. 

“Get home safe, Text me when you get home.” He said as he got in his truck. 

“I will!”

The next day I was so anxious. Logan and I had been out together before but this was different. I could barely eat I was so nervous. I sat around trying to get some housework done, but I couldn’t even nervous clean. So I sat down and tried to get some reading done, but then there was a spicy scene in the book I was reading and, well my mind wandered to Sy and I was nervous all over again. Finally 6 o’clock rolled around and I let myself start to get ready. I pulled on a pair of tight jeans I hoped he’d like. Not that it would matter. By the end of the night I knew  they’d be off.  I put on a dark green v neck. I’ve noticed he seems to like that color. We would eventually have to switch to bowling shoes so I just put on a pair of converse and paced while I tried to figure out what to do with my hair and how much make up I should do. Then I panicked again because, Should I pack a bag? 

It’s very likely I’ll end up at his place again. Unless he doesn’t want me to stay over. I don’t want to assume. Maybe I should text him. No because I didn’t want him to know I was thinking about what we’d be doing later. But I was. And I’m sure he was. This was Ridiculous. I picked up my phone and sent a quick text. 

“Do gentlemens let their ladyfriends sleepover on the first date?” I sent. That sounds so stupid, He’s gonna think your stupid. He’s literally gonna call you and cancel the whole thing. My phone buzzed and I jumped a little lost in thought and anxiety. 

“When they’re lucky enough to have a date as sexy as you they do ;)” He replied. Okay so maybe I’m not stupid. 

“Would it be unladylike and presumptuous for me to be prepared for said occasion?” I texted back. Instead of texting my phone rang. I answered him quickly

“Hello?” I giggled. 

“Hey Darlin’ I was just getting ready to come pick you up and I was thinking, Do you wanna stay at my place tonight?” I could hear the smirk in his voice. 

“Sy,” I chuckled “You didn’t have to.” he shushed me. 

“Listen baby, you don’t have to if you don’t want to, but the way we’ve been going at it this week, I figured I may as well formally ask.” He was holding back laughter.

“I’d be honored to stay with you tonight, I’ll pack a back,” I teased.  He chuckled 

“Good girl, I’ll see you in 20 baby,” we hung up and bit my lip shaking my head to myself. He was so damn cute! I finished getting ready and threw a few overnight essentials in a bag. Just as I was double checking everything there was a knock on my door. I grabbed my purse and bag and opened the door to see Sy with another bouquet of flowers and a big grin. 

“Hey gorgeous! You ready?” He smiled. I nodded. 

“Yeah! Those for me?” I blushed. 

“Told ya, Gentleman always brings flowers on the first date.” He smirked proud of himself. They were a beautiful bouquet of yellow roses. 

“Your momma raised a good man!” I smiled. “They’re beautiful, I’ll go put these in some water and we can go!” After I found a vase and set them on the counter next to last nights flowers we left for dinner. He took me to a local burger joint. It reminded me of one of the restaurants in Grease. He’d genuinely put thought into this! We ate dinner and even shared a milkshake. 

“You’re such a dork!” I laughed when he leaned across the table to take a sip. 

“You like it or  you wouldn’t keep me around,” He joked. 

“Yeah I guess you’re right.” He laughed and his eyes flickered to my lips. 

“Hold still sugar,  you got a little something,” He took his thumb and swiped the ice cream off my bottom lip and then brought it to his lips sucking it off. I swallowed hard and bit my lip “Got it,” He winked. 

“Mmhmm, you did,” I stuttered.��

After he paid for dinner he drove us to the bowling alley and we got set up on a lane for the night. We also got a little wrist band for the bar. “I”m gonna go get a beer sugar you want anything?” He asked. 

“I’ll take a wine cooler, whatever they got!” I smiled. I set up our screen putting our names on the board and started our first game. I felt him wrap his arm around my waist and he pulled me close pressing a kiss to my neck. 

“You ready?” he asked handing me my drink? I nodded biting my lip and trying to control my breathing. I didn’t want him to know how easy it was for him to make me lose my mind. He chuckled and kissed my cheek letting go of me and picked up his ball.

Sy was up first and I watched as he stepped up to the lane. He drew his arm back and let the ball come forward dropping it perfectly in the middle He hit all but two pins in the far left. Of course he was good at this. “Damn Sy, I didn’t realize you were a professional at every sport.” I joked. He chuckled. 

“A couple buddies and I used to play on a league in high school. It’s been a while.” He picked up his ball again when it came back through and stepped up to the line again and it spiraled down and curved perfectly knocking down the last pins.  “Guess I still got it!” He smirked. I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my drink. I grabbed my ball and stepped up to the line. Well, I’ve made myself look stupid before and he’s still here so, here’s to embarrassing myself! I threw the ball and it dropped hard immediately rolling toward the right gutter. I sighed heavy and dropped my head in shame. I could hear Logan trying not to laugh. 

“Shut up,” I said when I turned around waiting for my ball. 

“That was a good try,” He snickered. 

“I’ll get the next one!” I said confidently. I did not. This one rolled more to the left skated along the edge and knocked down two pins. I winced but laughed at myself when I turned around. 

“You hit em that time!” I laughed. 

“We can’t all be perfect like you Sy!” I joked. He shook his head his chest shaking with laughter. 

“I can help you if you want,” He smiled sweetly. I wasn’t going to give into him that easily. Not yet. 

“No! I can do it,” I said stubbornly.  He just laughed. We went on like that for a while. The next turn He bowled a strike. I knocked down 4. He picked up another spare. I got 6. He got another strike. I threw another gutterball. When it was my turn again I downed the rest of my drink and stood up grabbing the ball. I walked up to the line and stood their for a second. I stared at the pins and the turned back towards Sy and pouted. 

“Okay I give up, help,” He smiled standing up from the table and walked up behind me. 

“Come here baby, Stand a little more to the right of center.” He moved us over and grabbed my hip so I was completely pressed against him. He slowly ran his hand down my arm gently grabbing my wrist. Guiding it back to show me how to throw the ball. He was saying something but I honestly couldn’t hear the instructions he was giving over my heartbeat pounding in my ears. “Just like that and let it go okay.” he smiled. I nodded and he guidded me again helping me throw the ball. This time I knocked down all but one. “Thats my girl!” He said spinning me around and kissing me passionately. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders kissing him back. He pulled away quickly and smiled. “I knew you could do it.” We finished the first game and of course Sy had Won. He got me another drink and he switched to water so he could drive us home.  The second drink was starting to hit and I kept calling him over to help me and teasing him by pressing my ass against him everytime he was behind me. At the end of the last game he was behind me helping me throw again. I was definitely a little buzzed. 

I pressed my ass against him grinding against him to  whatever song was playing on the old jukebox. But he was done with my teasing. He growled in my ear squeezing my hip tight. And after I let go of the ball he turned me around crashing his lips to mine. I smirked when we pulled away. “What do you think you’re doing darlin, hmm?” he smirked.

“Just having fun Sy,” I ran my hand down his chest and his stomach. He grabbed my wrist stoppinig me before I could get any further. I pouted. “Buzzkill,” He shook his head. 

“You’re in for it when we get home darlin, don’t say I didn’t warn ya,” we left the bowling alley and got back in the truck. I was  so excited for him to get us home. 

“Such a naughtly little girl teasing me in public like that. You like misbehaving don’t you,” He growled when we were on the main road back home. His hand had been on my thigh the whole drive. His fingertips softly massaging the inside. 

“I think you like it when I do,” I teased. I reached over and ran my had across his lap and smirked when I felt the bulge in his jeans. I playfully squeezed him and he cursed under his breath. 

“What am I gonna do with you.” He groaned. He pulled into his drive way and threw it into park. He jumped out and ran to my side of the truck. I had just enough time to unbuckle my seatbelt before he pulled me out and threw me over his shoulder. 

“Sy!” I laughed. He smacked my ass. 

“You asked for this sugar!”  He carried me into the house and took me straight to his bedroom. He dropped me on the bed and flipped me over onto my stomach. I squealed playfully as he pulled down my jeans and panties tossing them to the side. “You wanna be a brat and misbehave. You’re gonna learn baby.” He brought his hand down with a loud smack on my ass. “Bad girls get punished.” I could feel myself dripping already. God it was like he was straight out of a romance novel. But he was real. This was happening. He gave a hard slap to the other cheek and I whimpered. He rubbed over it soothing it gently. “You like this don’t you, when I take control?” I moaned inresponse. 

“Words sugar,” He smacked my ass again and I yellped not ready for it. 

“Yes Sir!” I choked out. 

“That’s my good girl, now stay just like that, Ive been dying to bend you over all week.”  I heard him unzip his jeans and then felt him press the head of his cock against my folds. He didn’t give me time to adjust this time. He just slammed into me. 

“Fuck Sy!” I moaned as he started a relentless pace. He tangled his fingers in my hair as he fucked me from behind pulling me up against his chest. 

“I love when your like this, when you’re so needy for me. You’ve been aching for my cock all week. And You’d do anything to get it.” I blushed. Fuck he was right. I moaned as he thrusted harder. 

“Say it,” he growled in my ear. 

“Mm fuck I need your cock Logan,” I moaned. I heard him groan and felt his fingers pressing against my clit as he reached around to help me reach my climax. 

“I know baby, and you needed me to make you cum didn’t you, I’m gonna let you cum baby all you have to do is ask.” It felt so fucking good. He was so intense. His words his motions. The things he was doing to me was too much. 

“Please Sy,” I begged.

“Please what baby?” He smirked as his thrusts became sloppy. I groaned feeling it build up inside me. 

“Please let me cum!” I moaned. He Pushed me back down so my face was against the mattress and grabbed my hips thrusting into me. 

“Let go baby, I gotcha, I’m right here baby, cum for me. “ his name tumbled from my lips as my walls clenched around him and I reached my climax. He wasn’t far behind. A few more thrusts and he was cumming inside me. Growling in my ear telling me how good I was. 

“Fuck,” He breathed pulling out and laying on the bed next to me. He pulled me on top of him, combing his fingers through my hair. “Well, I’d say that went well,” He smirked. I shook my head trying to catch my breath. 

“You’re an idiot.” I laughed. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's it Please let me know what you think! There's more to come and let me know if you want to be added to the tag list :)

@summersong69 @carrie80reads @identity2212 @caramariehurst @redheadrouge @warriormirkwood @kingliam2019 @gummydummy19 @deandoesthingstome

[javis-burner-phone]

To Writers in the Pedro Pascal Fandom:

This fandom went full Chernobyl this summer. I need a hazmat suit to get through these tags. I recently saw an anon reach out to a fic writer here.

The anon is right that there's a problem in the fandom space, but they're misplacing blame. I'm writing this post for the non-hateful writers that have tried to feel a part of the community, but ended up feeling left out. I'm posting this on a burner account for obvious reasons that you'll see below:

The hateful posts about "big writers" have absolutely disgusted me, but I can relate to the frustration that many fic writers are expressing. We see very fun and active areas of the fandom where writers are communal, hyping each other up, reblogging fics, but only within certain friend groups. Most of us writers don't have that. Instead this fandom sometimes feels like a desolate wasteland for many of us.

Here's where us writers need to place the blame:

Since the introduction of algorithms, there has been a cyclical effect: popular Tumblr posts are boosted due to everyone's default feed settings and posts from new, lesser known blogs are pushed down.

Over years, this has impacted fandom spaces in a sort of feedback loop. We're currently seeing the late stages of this. This effect pushes most fandom activity towards the already popular blogs by default. (Yes, Tumblr has always shown popular posts first, but algorithms, and the feedback loops they create, have made the effect stronger over the years.)

Is that the "big writers" faults? No. Are friend groups to blame? No. In fact, we should have more friend groups in this fandom. That's how fandoms used to be. There were dozens of overlapping friend groups that would have long reblog chains and mainly interact with each other. New people could find other new people pretty easily and make their own groups.

Now new people/smaller blogs are far less exposed to other new people/smaller blogs by default. *That* is the problem.

Eventually, I found my people. I feel a part of the community and you can too.

You just need to make 3 virgin sacrifices and find the lochness monster in order to do so. What I mean is, it takes a lot more effort than it used to. Be ready for that:

1. Sort by "Latest posts" when searching fandom hashtags. Imagine if Ao3 used an algorithm to show popular fics first instead of sorting by most recent fics. New writers would be screwed, right? That's what Tumblr does. Support posts that resonate with you, but have low engagement. Leave likes, comments, reblogs! Guess what happens when someone that feels isolated in this fandom gets a bunch of notes from you? They're gonna check out your blog. They may want to connect!

2. DM people. Is there a lesser known blogger whose posts you like? Ask to be mutuals! Start a conversation! If you can't be social it's gonna be near impossible to build community. Sorry if you have anxiety, but that's the truth. Warning: half the convos will fizzle out. Move on to the next person as soon as you sense this.

3. Don't try to connect with bigger blogs for friendship. I've tried and as long as you gush over them, they respond, but the interaction ends there. DMing them works, but the convos almost always feel one sided and fizzle out. I'm mutuals with some bigger bloggers, but I had to add their usernames to my filtered content list in account settings. This means they can see my stuff, but I can't see theirs. Seeing them have fun in their friend group just reminds me of my failed attempts to connect. Maybe filtering them isn't fair, but that's how I deal with my negative emotions. No, they are not rude for not befriending me. I don't feel entitled to friendship.

(edit: I got a weird anon about this part. It's more difficult to befriend people who already have close-knit connections here. It's not impossible, but I've had much better luck with fellow isolated fandom members. The secret ingredient is our shared desperation lol. Befriend whoever you want ❤️)

4. Join/start a small PPCU discord server. The big servers will just make you feel more isolated, but the intimate ones are way more communal and it's easier to make stronger connections there than on Tumblr. 

These tips are for people that actually want to find solutions instead of spreading hate and complaining.

I'm saying this as someone that averages 50 notes on most of my fics after a year in this fandom(edit: saw this poll and thought I'd clarify. I get 50 notes now, but for 8ish months I got 5 on a lucky day. This post is for people who still feel isolated because I know how it feels.) It takes way more effort than in the early 2010s to feel a part of a fandom, not because of cliques, but because of the feedback loops the algorithm creates. 

I understand the frustration, but I'm not going to spread vitriol just because the fandom ecosystem went to shit. 

[dazed--xx]

⚠️Love Is Gone..⚠️

Summary: I'm sorry, don't leave me, I want you here with me. I know that your love is gone. I can't breathe, I'm so weak, I know this isn't easy. Don't tell me that your love is gone…..That your love is gone

Member: Han Jisung x Reader

T/W: ANGST!!!!!!!!!!!!, hate comments, distant partner, mentions of depression, mentions of anxiety, assault, recording of an assault, hate speech. Cursing, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS, Crying, Feeling alone, happy-ish ending, etc

Word Count: 2.5k

A/N: ❗!!!!!THIS STORY IS TRIGGERING. I USED MY ACTUAL HISTORY WITH DEPRESSION FOR THIS ONE SO THERE IS AN ACCURATE DEPICTION OF SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS. PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION!!!!!!!❗this is the only authors note I'm making on the playlist please read this. I'm adding this story because a break up is not the only form of heartbreak you could experience. I added the mature tag because of the themes in this. This is an important story for me and this song genuinely inspired this story. No matter what member I used for this song this was going to be the story so any members name could have been used for this one. I felt Jisung fit the story so well though I love this quokka and he deserves an impactful first solo story on my master list. I struggled to not cry while writing this so let's see if you can hold back tears while reading it. After every thing they go through they deserve a happy ending I needed to give them one😭😂 but please comment your thoughts. I love your opinions and I respond to almost everyone. Anyway please enjoy the angsty goodness.

Don't go tonight, Stay here one more time.Remind me what it's like, oh…And let's fall in love one more time, I need you now by my side. It tears me up when you turn me down

“Do you have to go?” you question hesitantly, nibbling on your bottom lip as you watch Jisung put his coat on. “Yes, I already told you that, Y/N” He sighs, almost sounding annoyed. You pout, staring at your interlocked hands. “Yeah, you did sorry…” you trail, trying to maintain your composure at your boyfriend's reluctance to be around you “Don't wait up” He calls as he makes his way out of the door. The moment you hear the ‘click’ of the lock you allow the tears you had been holding back to flow down your cheeks.

For weeks now, Jisung had grown distant; during comeback and award season it was unfortunately a normal part of your relationship. But, you had always been able to maintain a conversation with him if something was bothering you. Except for some reason this comeback season, the first since you and Jisung had announced your 1-year relationship, was different. While, both you and Jisung had expected some backlash, things seemed to be easier for Jisung than they had been for you. You have received many snarky and rude comments about how unfit for Jisung you were.

Your hair is too dry and straw-like.

You are too fat.

You are too unimportant.

You wished to tell your boyfriend as soon as these comments flooded your social media. He had warned you to turn your comments off and avoid social media for a while, but you didn't listen figuring you could deal with a couple of mean comments. However, as time went on you wished you had listened as the comments got worse and worse.

Kill yourself slut

Jisung deserves more than some useless bitch as his girlfriend!!!

She's so disgusting clearly she's a gold digger, I wish someone would just get rid of her!

She is such a cunt, I hope she kills herself soon…

You broke down the first time you had read those comments. You couldn't understand what you had done wrong by falling in love. You first tried to bring it up 2 weeks ago. They had finished filming the music video for their latest single. He had come home; energy high, he radiated from the adrenaline. He froze when he saw you seated on the couch tears streaming down your face. You looked at him startled. “ what's wrong?” He questioned as he rushed over to your side taking your face in his hands. “You're home early…” you mutter the only words that could be released from your mouth in your vulnerable state. Little did you know those three words would trigger and argument and the hate comments were left forgotten. After that day you tried to ask him to talk but he would zoom out of the house and that's when the loneliness set in.

You felt pathetic

You dreaded every morning you opened your eyes. Questioning why you were still here. You slowly realized your level of insignificance. Breathing hurt, a physiological natural event felt wrong. While you know the act of breathing didn't hurt physically, it hurt emotionally. Every morning you lay in bed, not bothering to pull yourself out unless you had to go to the bathroom, or to drink water. Sleep didn't stop most days, Jisung spent most of his days working until well after you'd fallen asleep. You rarely saw him, these days.

If you hadn't run out of feminine products you'd have spent another full day in bed, but as those familiar cramps continue to wreak havoc on your uterus you trudge your way to the store. You were grateful for the large hoodie that helped shade your eyes from the blinding sun as you crossed the street. You continue on your way, you pout to yourself as you see the influx of hate comments while you check to see if Jisung had responded to your inquiry of if he needed anything from the store. Nothing… you sigh to yourself as you pass a group of about 5-6 girls as you make your way into the store.

You hear them murmuring to themselves as you make your way down the aisles. You scan the pads when you feel a dainty finger tap your shoulder. Giving the person a side glance you raise an eyebrow. “Hmm?” you hear a petite soft voice call to you “Um excuse me are you Y/N?” she questions in a sickeningly sweet way. You get a sinking feeling in your gut.

Run…Run as fast as and as far as you can

your conscience screams at you but your feet are glued to the floor as you stare at the girl like a deer in headlights. You struggle to find words as a devious grin grows on the girl's face. Two girls begin to come up behind her, you step to turn the other direction only for two more girls to block your escape as they creep towards you. The girl who approached you first now has her phone pointed in your direction as she begins to question you “Why is someone as dirty as you near Jisung oppa?!” She growls as the girls crowd around you. They shout profanity at you as you stare at the ground, murmuring apologies for your relationship not wanting to insult your boyfriend's fans. The last thing you wanted to do was embarrass him further.

“Look at her! She's so pathetic” the ring leader instigated “She's just standing there like an idiot!” she growls before sending her free hand flying across your face. You feel a sharp sting on your cheeks as you attempt to push past two of the girls. They send you flying roughly against the shelves behind you. You whimper in pain mumbling another apology begging them to let you go as they unleash a flurry of hits and kicks on you. They laughed as they told you how pathetic you are. You tried to protect your face by curling up in a ball. You drowned out their insults, holding in your tears and words until they were finished. They walked away in laughter as you groaned in pain rolling on the ground for a moment. You pull yourself off the ground grab your pads and limp your way to the counter. The cashier stares at you with concern in his eyes, “Ma'am do you need me to call the police?” he questions. A sense of pity and worry settles over him as you shake your head “N-No..I don't want this to be a big thing. I'm okay” you state blankly, putting your money on the counter you grab your pads and rush out of the store. You hold onto your ribs as you limp your way into the alley beside the store.

Pressing your back against the wall you wince at the contact you collapse to the ground. You bury your face in your hands. You sob harshly, your body trembling as you allow the tears to stream down your cheeks. You hiccuped as you pulled your phone from your pocket. You dial Jisung’s number, you waited trying to catch your breathe. One, two, three rings “We’re sorry the number you have dialed—” you end the call holding the phone to your chest you allow your sobs to shake your body. Dark thoughts beginning to take over when your flurry of calls go unanswered.

You're so pathetic, Jisung won't even answer your calls. You're worthless, You're nothing, You just want to die. you should die….Life is too hard. It's over what's the point anymore? The entire world hates you…. I give up…

With final resolve, you open your conversation with Jisung and begin typing.

I'm sorry, I wish I could have said goodbye properly. I love you please remember that. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough. I'm sorry I couldn't be what you deserve. I wish things weren't like this. I'm weak. It's all too hard. I can't handle it anymore. It feels like I'm in open ocean and I'm so close to drowning. I'd can't do this anymore. Please don't blame yourself. None of this is your fault I just wasn't strong enough. I'm just pathetic. I hope you can forgive me one day. I'm so sorry. I love you. Goodbye…

You hit send before turning on Do Not Disturb. You slowly limp toward the park. You felt numb as you stared at the ground, you come upon the walking bridge. You stand in the middle of the bridge, you watch the water. You had heard somewhere that the most calm-looking water was the most dangerous. You pull yourself onto the banister. Taking a deep breath you lean forward.

I'm begging please, just stick around; I'm sorry, don't leave me, I want you here with me I know that your love is gone….

The moment Jisung read your message an uneasy feeling settled over him. He didn't even think before he was dashing out of Chan’s studio and the recording they were currently doing. He called you in a panic; his anxiety growing worse and worse at your failure to answer. He felt his throat closing as he ran in a frenzy out of the JYP building ignoring his member's worried calls of his name. Quickly pulling up the Find My Phone app he sees you at the park nearby. He ran faster than he ever has before getting to the park in no time. He looks around for a moment. He spots you standing on the bridge. He clutches his chest relaxing as he sees you standing there, staring at the water below. He breathes a sigh of relief as Chan and Changbin catch up to him he continues to catch his breath as Chan questions him. All three men are caught off guard as you pull yourself up onto the banister. Jisung's eyes widen as he rushes toward you. “Y/N!!” His voice is pained, your head turns to face him. Chan and Changbin running behind their friend worriedly.

“Baby! Please, stop!” Jisung's voice cracks as he reaches the end of the bridge. Your eyes meet his, Only then can he fully see you. Your eyes were bloodshot, tears streaming down your cheeks. Bruises littered your face. Dried blood speckled all over your hoodie. Your appearance sent Jisung into shock he stared at you wide-eyed “I'm sorry…” you whisper to him as you let go. Jisung's world crumbles as you disappear from his sight. He dashes to where he last saw you. “Y/N!!” He cries his voice hoarse as his legs give out from beneath him. Chan wraps his arm around Jisung and guides him to the floor holding him close he allows the younger man to cry to his heart's content as Changbin assists the paramedics in finding you. He never imagined this would happen. You, the only other person besides Felix, that was the definition of sunshine. Jisung felt numb as Chan held onto him as he replayed his last moment with you in his head.

I'm sorry! don't leave me! I want you here with me! I know that your love is gone….I can't breathe! I'm so weak! I know this isn't easy! Don't tell me that your love is gone…

When the video of your assault surfaced the day after your attempt; Jisung felt sick to his stomach. He hates himself for not being there with you. After watching the video over and over, he finally decided to check your phone. When he was able to charge the device Jisung could feel a wave of nausea crash over him as an influx of disgusting hate messages and comments came through. He stared at your unconscious figure, he held your hand tightly as he cried “I'm so sorry baby. I'm sorry… I didn't know. I'm sorry I was too late.” he pressed his forehead to your hand “Please…please wake up. I'll do anything. Please don't let go, I know you feel alone, but you have me. Please don't leave me behind, without you I'm nothing…” his breathing grows heavier, tears cascading down his face. “I love you so much. I need you—I need you, baby, I can't keep doing this. I need you so much right now. Please wake up….Don't let me lose you, not like this. I'll fix everything…I'll show you how much you mean to me, please!” He exclaims he can't handle the expressionless look on your face. He was grateful you were no longer pale though.

It took three more weeks before you opened your eyes. your head pounded as Jisung muttered something under his breath. “W-what?” you choked out, your voice sounding coarse and scratchy. Jisung's eyes widen as he stares at you at the sound of your voice. He collapsed to the floor as tears built in his eyes, he sobbed harshly “T-Thank you! You're awake! You're okay!” his body trembled as he reached for your hand. You stare at him your face void of any emotion as he cried you pulled your hand away from his as if his contact burned you.

You saw his expression fall as he shook his head in denial “N-No..” He states in disbelief as he meets your eyes. “P-Please I—Where were you?…” you cut him off with heartbreak and disappointment in your tone. Jisung whimpers at your question. “I'm sorry, I-I should have—I didn't realize, okay? I'm so sorry, please don't pull away from me..” he stammers his apology causing your heart to clench. “I don’t want to see you right now…” you whisper. You hear the most heartbreaking sob erupts from Jisung’s chest. “No, please! I should have been there for you. I should have done more but I can't lose you When you jumped I felt like my entire world was falling apart. You were so close—I was right there. I should have answered your calls. I should have noticed something was wrong. I'm sorry okay? I'm so sorry. There's nothing I could be more sorry about but please I can't—I can't lose you. I don't want to be without you please let me fix this..” he begs his eyes not leaving yours once.

“Jisung…”

“Please. I'm sorry okay? I'll say it forever if I have to. Please I want you right here, next to me, always. I know it's hard but we love each other. I can make you love me again. Please….please don't hate me. I know I messed up but please don't break me too…I can't handle the thought of losing you let alone it actually happening. Please stay with me?” he pleads his eyes filled with hope as he holds onto your hand. “I'll never let you feel alone again I promise. You'll always have me. I'll give you the world if you ask for it. I'll spend the rest of my life making up for this please let me…” He begs, his voice cracking between sniffles. You stare at him, your heart yearning for him. You feel your resolve crumbling as he continues to cry. You caress his cheek, staring into his eyes. He looks at you hopefully, melting into your touch. “Please just, Don't tell me that your love is gone…i wouldn't be able to handle that.” he whimpers. You give him a sad smile, caressing his cheek. You lean in pressing your lips against his softly.

⏪|⏸️|⏩

Taglist: @yangbbokari @havenwithleeknow

[equallyshaw]

come back to me. | matthew knies.

•

Warnings: light swearing, sad stuff, slightly acknowledges toxic and abusive parent. harassment and bullying.

Word count: 2.2k

italicized is russian.

——

amelia watched from across the across the dinner table, that was a mixture of players and their partners. it was american thanksgiving and the two had been invited to auston's place to celebrate the holiday with the other american's on he team, and a few canadians joined as well. matthew was laughing at whatever mitch had said, as amelia was in her own world; as she had been the entire evening. the two had fought on their way over about something stupid that pissed matthew off. with matthew going a little too hard at the girl who had just uprooted herself over the thanksgiving break to be with him. throughout the evening, she minded her business talking in bit's to some of the other wags, while matthew was having a great time relieving some stress.

it was around 11 now and she was quite tired, the flight getting to her and all she wanted to do was go to bed. she began her dissent towards matthew, and auston smiled widely as she walked up to the two of them. "hey...hope the food was decent. not much of a cook but tried my very best." auston said and she smiled, "it was really good! don't sell yourself to short." she said easing his anxiety. he nodded, and then excused himself to get himself another drink. "hey..do you know when you want to leave?" she questioned and matthew shrugged. "well id like to get going soon, I've had a long 24 hours." she said hoping he'd take them home. "you can take my keys, and go back. I'm gonna hang with the boys." he said pulling out his keys and pushing it into his hands without meeting her eye. she nodded, swallowing back tears. "alright." she said raspy, fighting back tears. she set her cup down in front of him, turned around and headed towards the door to retrieve her coat.

she exited into the night, without daring to say goodbye to anybody. she was embarrassed and pissed off. she quickly sped off back to his apartment on the other side of the city, debating if she should stay and try to fight it out with him or leave. she was sick of the constant cycle the two had had since senior year back in arizona. they were up when they were up, and then low when they got low. she was sick of him being immature and not taking responsibility for his actions or comments. after replaying the fight from that evening, she knew that she had to go home.

matthew got dropped off two hours later, to an empty house. "amelia?!" he asked jogging down the hallway. he saw that her suitcase was gone and the keys left on his dresser. he cursed himself, pulling out his phone. it went straight to voicemail, and so he began texting her. apologizing for that night and apologizing that he did not go home with her. apologizing for not talking through everything, and she read them all. but she never responded.

•

it just so happened that the leafs were in town at cristmas time, and amelia was hoping that she would not run into him since the two lived down the block from one another. and had since they were in preschool. it was around 9 am on the 24th when she heard laughing and voices talking loudly downstairs, and she sighed knowing it was probably the knies here for the annual christmas eve breakfast the families had had for years. she pulled her comforter over her head, trying to block it all out. she did not hear the knocks from the hallway, her mom letting her know the knies were there. and that one in particular wanted to speak to her privately. "amelia ann!" her mom said pulling back her comforter a bit, and amelia fought. she fought until she saw matthew step in. she sighed and sat up defeatedly. "ill leave you two." her mom said slipping out and amelia sighed throwing her hair up in a messy bun. "yes, matthew?" she quipped looking at him, really looking at him more than she had had in months. he sighed sitting down on her bed in front of her, "i was an idiot-" she cut him off, "damn right you were. you made me look like an ass leaving without you matthew! you fucking embarrassed me in front of people i barely know, do you know how that made me feel, huh? huh!?" she said getting heated, and he took it all in. his eyes filling with tears, as he looked at her. "this- this keeps happening matt, we're good and then we fight and its like the whole world is ending. its exhausting and i don't want to to keep doing this shit. we don't even talk anymore...and when we do it becomes a problem! its like were scared and apprehensive to, and im sick of it. we never learn, and were never going to are we?" she rambled feeling a few tears fall down her olive skin, cheeks. matthew sniffled, wiping his tears away.

he sighed, "but i dont want to let you go mia. i don't want too. youve been my best friend practically our whole lives, my constant person through everything and most important my first love who i want to be my final love." he said pausing to wipe his eyes. watching him do so, broke her heart, and grabbed ahold of his hand, both their lips quivering. "i - i can't be with somebody that i don't love..i don't love this version of you matty, i don't like this version that hurts me with words and sly comments thinking ill just take it. others might, but not me. i wont take what my mom took for so long. I'm not being a doormat or a punching bag and i know it isn't intentional matt, i know but it still hurts nonetheless." she said placing her other hand on his cheek, tears fully streaming from both. he remembers. he remembers her rocky childhood, her dad always going after her mom physically and psychologically, it was hard for the girl understandably. so many sleepovers took place at the knies, at the drop of a hat. and he knew that she promised herself years ago she'd never be in a relationship like that. before they got together, she vowed to herself and when they got together, matthew promised and vowed to never turn into her father. and he wasn't but she had grown nervous recently.

"i love you my love." she whispered placing one last peck on matthew's lips, before he stood up and walked out. she fell back onto her bed and sobbed. she lost her first love and best friend in one moment. it was going to be a long christmas break.

•

it was now the beginning of june and amelia was spending time on her mom and step dad's lake house, finally through her junior year of college and she was quite happy with the way it had finished. once her and matthew had broken up, she refocused on her studies and focused on her friends around her at school, something she had been lacking at the beginning of the school year. she was laying out on the boat they had. around march she began seeing a guy, she thought merely was a fling. though it had turned in to so much more, and it had meant a lot to the both of them that they took the weekend to spend out on the lake. amelia sat up, looking over at anthony and smiled who caught her staring. she leaned over and pecked him, moved a few inches up to look at him. she pushed back his long front locks, and kissed him again. he was completely different than matthew, in the best ways. though every once in a while, she thought about where here and matthew's relationship could have been but quickly dismissed those thoughts. she moved back onto her back, before deciding it was time to jump in. anthony skipped a song on the shuffle, and it was 'i wanna dance with somebody.' and she felt her body go numb. that was her and Matthews song, the uptempo version by whitney houston and a slower cover that was found. she skipped the song and wannabe by the spice girls came up, and she stood up giggling. she took off her sun hat and looked back at anthony who had sat up, and as she turned around she caught sight of a familiar boat that she knew all to well. she knew it was his parents, and she knew it was him on the boat. she quickly jumped off the boat, anthony followed suit behind her. he came up behind her and pulled her into his chest, and she rested her head on his shoulder briefly before heading back to the boat as her phone dinged. she hoisted herself up, and took a glance down at her phone. she sighed seeing it was from matthew. she deleted it and helped anthony up into the boat. "hey, im not feeling very well." she said wrapping herself in a towel, and Anthony nodded. "lets get back to the house." he said kissing her temple and taking the two back to the house.

it was about 30 minutes later when anthony left and she made her way back to the boat, to talk to matthew. he was in the same area as before, and she got over as quickly as she could. matthew could see the girl speed over, as soon as saw her figure making her way out. "can i help you matthew, or do i need to go find somebody to help you?" she screamed at him as soon as she came up next to him. he only chuckled, "why do you feel inclined to comment on my relationship, huh?" she screamed at him. "so what if I'm out here on my parents boat with him, its not illegal y'know!" she screamed at him again and he just took it all in. "you find this amusing, don't ya?" she said crossing her arms in front of her, "but its understandable. i broke up with you, i broke your heart and you're still upset about." she said without thinking. she saw the change in his mood, and stepped back. nervously. "obviously mia, obviously I'm still upset! how can you throw away three years in mere weeks?" he questioned standing up now. "you didn't even give me a chance to grieve mia! you didn't give me a chance to process everything before you went on and started posting it!" he screamed at her, and she looked down and sighed. he shook her head, "i had to move on matty, i had too! if i showed people that i had moved on, maybe then they wouldn't find the need every second to harass and bully me through dms matt! i had to show the world i moved on, even if i wasn't completely. all the while knowing it would hurt you, i had to. i just had to." she said biting the inside of her cheek. matt was taken back by her comments, were people still dming her hate?

"im sorry that i broke your heart, i really am...but you gave me the opportunity to do so matty- so many." she said with her chin hitting her chest as she began to cry. matthew's heart broke, before he climbed over the boats to her. once she felt his arms wrap around her, she began to sob. "you hurt me matt, i had to leave. i had to protect myself." she whispered and he nodded, chin hitting her head. "i know baby, i know." he whispered back, feeling his own tears begin to form. "i still love you so much mia, i never stopped and truthfully never will." he now sobbed and that warmed her heart, because she felt the same. she looked up at him, and the two stared at one another - taking in each others presence. "come back to me mia, come back." he said softly, and she nodded. it was if the question, "really" was written over his face and she nodded again. he smiled widely before pulling her in for a kiss. tasting one another's lips as if they'd never kissed before. ones that held history and so much pain and yet, so much love. they moved in synch, their arms wrapping around one another. the pulled apart after a minute and breathed heavily.

"i love you." he hummed as he wrapped his arms around her waist, looking at the mountains that lined the lake, now as the sun was setting. "i love you too, my love." she whispered back before leaning back to kiss him. the two boated back to their respective docks before matthew walked over towards her parent's house. "took you long enough." the two heard as soon as they walked in. both sets of their parents sat at the dining room table eating dinner. "oh." mia said shocked, while matthew blushed. "nice little show yall put on." his dad said, "the neighbors were invested." her dad added and the mia turned to put her face in his chest. "sit down and eat, foods getting cold." his mom said and the two made their way over.

——

ahh hope you all enjoyed! pls like and reblog if you did--- id appreaice it 🫶🏻

Random tags: @cuttergauthier @slafgoalskybaby @hockeylvr59 @hockeyboysarehot

[nethercomfies]

🌼 So this is love 🌼

Pairing: Albedo x reader

Content: Pre-relationship, realization of feelings, just very soft, features Klee as well, gender neutral reader

Word count: 868

Note: *taps mic* Hello, hello, does this thing still work? Hell yeah I'm back, in true Fern fashion with some soft Albedo because that's my jam :) Hope you enjoy!

Albedo never really cared for love. It was a foreign concept for him that he only read about in books, but nothing more than that. Nothing worth his time when he's always so busy with research and experiments, and important things like discovering the truth of this world (Or at least discovering what that's supposed to mean.) Between all that, there's no time for butterflies and anxiety, and whatever else the romance novels describe. Not to mention, it seems like love makes other people act a little silly.

Like Glory, who sits there day in and day out talking about how she can't wait for Godwin to come home, when probably everyone in Mondstadt knows that the very man she was waiting now has been meandering just outside of town for months, too scared to come back due to stupid pride, even tho he knows that his fiancé is scared out of her mind for him. Or Timaeus, who scribbles love poems next to his alchemy notes and gets distracted all the time, not even noticing when the potions he was mixing are threatening to boil over. Love seems to make people lose all sense, so Albedo has decided that he's better off without it.

Maybe that's why, as the two of you grew closer, he didn't recognize the signs at all, despite having read and heard about them so many times. The infamous butterflies that make him feel weird things whenever you smile at him. The way he suddenly falls into a daze while working as well, breaking out of it only to find small doodles of your face littered all across his notes. Or how sometimes his every thought gets consumed by a deep desire to just wrap his arms around you and never let go.

But love is such a foreign concept, so far out of his grasp that surely, that can't be it, right?

It's an innocent comment from Klee that makes him question his feelings for the first time.

"Big brother Albedo?" she asks, looking up at him with big eyes as they're walking home one day.

"What is it, Klee?" He smiles down at her.

"Can we invite y/n to our picknick tomorrow? Please?"

Albedo is a little taken aback. Usually Klee deeply treasures their little family outings. She refuses to let anyone get between her private time with Albedo, to a point where she even rejected Kaeya's request to tag along once. "You really like y/n a lot, huh?" He asks with a small chuckle. "I never saw you try to invite someone along to our outings."

"I like that they make you smile. It makes Klee happy too", the little girl responds, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. "Also, they make really good snacks so I want them to bring some to our picknick." She adds it more like an afterthought, like it's only secondary to her other reason.

Maybe it meant nothing to Klee, but it leaves Albedo thinking. Does he really smile that much when he's around you? People have commented before that he only ever genuinely smiles when he's around Klee, but no one has ever pointed out the same with you. Although, now that it's been called to his attention... He really does feel a lot happier around you. There's something about you that makes it easy for him to let down his guard. It's a strange realization and he still doesn't understand the meaning of it, but he takes a mental note of it and decides that it requires further investigation.

From that day onward, you're always invited to the family outings with Klee and Albedo. It becomes perfectly natural, like you've always been there. Like it's always been just the three of you, exploring Mondstadt together, having fun little picknicks or arts and crafts afternoons.

It's on one of these days that the realization finally hits Albedo. You're sitting on Albedo's couch, Klee fast asleep in your arms while he makes a cup of tea for the both of you. Albedo watches as you run a hand through the girl's hair, a gentle smile on your face as she snuggles closer into your arms. The soft glow of a candle bathes you in a warm light and he's overcome with the familiar urge to join you, to pull you into his arms and hold you close. That urge has been getting a lot more frequent lately, and he was never able to fully make sense of it.

But at this moment, something clicks for him. The urge to be close to you. The thought of how beautiful you look consuming his mind. The smile still tugging at his lips. The butterflies threatening to burst through his chest. All the pieces fall into place and the realization hits him out of nowhere.

He's in love with you.

[jesncin]

5 days long anon again. Yeah, it took a while because I kept reworking and trying to find the right words. words are hard. Plus anxiety. Constantly worrying if it would be right or sound right. Right now I'm riding the high of "it WAS fine!!" so I'm feeling more confident in sending this.

The whole "oooh superhero lied to someone how bad" when it's about their identity? One thing I clipped from the previous ask was talking about how of course a hero should not disclose their civilian ID because that would put any family or friends in danger. A reporter SHOULD understand that! Or at least a kind one. Of course Clark wouldn't be going around telling people if only because he wants to keep his parents safe. Yet you can't look me in the face and tell me that the Kents wouldn't be leery about telling people their son's origins as an alien regardless of when the story is set because technically? Illegal immigrant baby. Illegal immigrant alien baby, whom any spooky group (military/research/???) might want to get their greasy mitts on. I can see that kind of worry leaving marks on him too, even though he is trying to be kind and good.

Maybe it was "too soon" but Kal-el is talking to someone he's grown to know as both Clark Kent and Superman. Who he feels he can take that risk with. And with something... not small, exactly, but not as harmful to his life as he lives it on Earth? It's not quite a test of trust because that would be too calculated for it but it is something more honest and raw and the little voice in the back of the head going "do you understand? do I understand?".

"I've had to justify fanon to canon" is... odd. Have you had to with the Martians or is it specifically your take on Lois? I admit I haven't been able to read all the comics and random sketches yet but everything I've seen has been built on the trend of compassion and care whether it is for it or in spite of it. ...and sexy abs. (Rudy.)

Run out of steam/focus so hope you have a good night again.

Hiya 5 days anon (Here I am responding now after the strike)! And no worries, I appreciate people taking their time thinking of what to say.

Right! Even without any Superhero-level fantasy stuff- irl journalists write under pseudonyms or protect the privacy of the people they're interviewing all the time (Lois did this in Girl Taking Over!!). This notion that reporters are Kantian "Lying Is Always Bad No Matter What" people is frankly a caricature. Fun for silver age shenanigans, but not if you want your story to have any sort of depth. And yeah! Clark is an illegal immigrant baby. It shouldn't take much imagination to see why he and the Kents would want to keep that a secret (alas some stories think otherwise- I can't help but call the emotional intelligence of the characters into question at that point).

Yeah! I don't imagine Superman telling Lois his Kryptonian name as something pre-meditated, it's very spur of the moment trust. The idea is that he's not ready to disclose his civilian identity yet, but he is trusting Liando with something far more personal.

It's mostly been my Superman stuff. I don't post my Martian art on twidder especially since well. I've always gotten one or two racist comments on my Clois comics but the Private Interview comic just unleashed the floodgate for racist comments. If I get that much heat for a cishet interracial couple, you can imagine how gross people would be to my Martian stuff. There's a portion of cape fandom that just doesn't understand fanon or interpretations and are vehemently against any sort of change. So I get silly comments asking me to justify the change ("Why is Lois Black??") or backhanded compliments hailing me as "the exception to racebends". It's annoying, but in the end the comic really wasn't for them. It's for people like y'all who get it! (like Rudy)

Thank you and good day/night!

[error-dream-was-found]

20 Questions For Writers

I was tagged by @bleue-flora so let's see :)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

So if my calculations are correct I have 6 published works. It is not much but frankly if someone asked me 4 years ago how many stories will I ever post online I would laugh and tell them none because my anxiety is not fond of publishing anything. It's kinda crazy to see how much I actually ended up writing and how many people like those stories <3

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

Oh crap, just let me grab a calculator ... ehm ... it seems that my AO3 word count is 417 452 words ... damn that's like 4-5 novels and it'd be even more if I counted the stuff that is on wattpad ... crazy

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Well my main fandom is DreamSMP but I also have a Tokyo revengers fic and a pretty promising draft for a Durarara one shot

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

1. Monsters don't deserve hugs but you aren't a monster

By far my most popular fic. When I posted this I expected it to get like 50 kudos top but it blew up and it makes me incredibly happy to see more and more people read it and leave all those lovely kudos and comments. I have no idea what I did to deserve so much attention but I'm grateful with all my heart <3

2. Smiling masks and golden crowns

I'll be honest I didn't expect people to like Sam and Dream content so much but once again this fic exceeded my expectations, which I'm very happy about because I really enjoy writing it and nothing makes me happier than to know that I'm not the only one who loves it :)

3. Crow's nest

A lovely story I wrote together with @bleue-flora. It was super fun to write and unlike my other fics it's pretty cannon accurate (thanks to Flora ofc, I could never lol).

4. Haitani's little sister

The only non-DSMP story you will see here! This is my very first story and frankly it shows, it's quite terrible. Story vise I like this creation of mine but when it comes to the writing style and storytelling ... let's just say that once I'm over with school I might just completely rewrite it ....

5. A tale of grief and glory

And last but not least, my dear DSMP fantasy au that ... is not getting updated as often as I'd like it to ...

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! Sometimes I get a bit busy/overwhelmed with life but I do my best to respond to everyone who comments on my stories. Sadly sometimes the anxiety becomes too much but I try my best. My readers are very important to me and I want to let them know that I really do read their comments and appreciate them <3

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

.... I like happy ends so ... I don't really do angsty endings ... frankly I don't even do endings lol, yeah I tend to get a bit too wrapped up in writing and my fics are just getting longer instead of ending 🤦‍♀️But if I were to pick the one that will have the angstiest ending it would probably be Smiling masks and golden crowns. Mostly because I have a sequel planned for it that will cover the happy end I desire.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Again, other than Crow's nest none of my fics are actually finished but the one that will have the happiest ending will probably be Monster's don't deserve hugs but you aren't a monster

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

Thank all the gods above, no. I have no self-esteem so if anyone hated on my work I'd probably cry and be afraid to post for some time unless someone would be persistent enough to convince me that it's not bad and so on ... On the bright side, rather than hate it'd be just confirming my insecurities

9. Do you write smut?

..... ehm ... well ... you see ... I ... maybe ... might have .... Okay, yeah I do have one smut story on wattpad from a while back. I'm not updating it anymore as it wasn't really good and all but ... yeah, it happened once ...

10. Do you write crossovers?

I had some ideas but sadly I didn't get to write them yet

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

If I had I'm yet to find out, so I'm gonna go with no

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yep! Someone is translating Crow's nest into Russian which is pretty amazing. A few people asked if they can translate Monsters don't deserve hugs but you aren't a monster, Smiling masks and golden crowns and Haitani's little sister but I never actually found out whether they did ... thinking about it I might try to check 🤔

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Yes, I had! Writing Crow's nest would not be possible without @bleue-flora! We had time limit and time zones made this whole project rather difficult but I'm very happy with how it turned out and I would totally be down to do it again it someday. Although before that I gotta get better so I can help Flora more 😅

14. What‘s your all-time favorite ship?

There's too many to pick just one

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Hmmmm .... well, I'm someone who has many WIPs but most of them are just drafts and/or a few scenes with close to no content so there are quite many of them that will probably never be finished or posted. From my posted ones .... well ... The tale of grief and glory is not getting many updates and Pathetic is ... I like the fic and I really wish to continue it but I kind of lost motivation after 'No rest for the wicked' by A_ghoul was deleted .... one day when I'll have more time I will certainly try to finish it but for now it's fate is rather insecure ...

16. What’s your writing strengths?

Strengths? What are strengths? ... For real though, I don't really know, whether I see my writing I feel like there is nothing outstanding about it, nothing to capture the audience and yet ... Perhaps, if I squint real hard I might consider my ability to side track a strength? It's not the best and in essays it's the absolute worst but when it comes to fanfics ... I don't really know whether I'm right about this or no but I would say that all those side plots help to make my fic be different from other fics? Because ... overall my ideas are not the most creative ones - Monsters don't deserve hugs but you aren't a monster? The core idea of this fic is so basic it hurts. But ... then I messed around with it and ... I dare to say that it managed to be different from the other fics featuring the same story. At least I really hope so. I'm not going to pretend that it was a plan, actually it's quite the opposite, I struggle to keep a single line of thought and even if I do have some plan for the fic I'm rarely able to follow it flawlessly. More often than not I will just stray from it and do something extra that just came to mind

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

... literally everything. I struggle with world-building, my dialogues are trash, the pacing is messed up and those sideplots I mentioned before are a double sided blade ... but the thing that bothers me the most is grammar. I'm not a native speaker and, in spite of what my english proficiency test says, my english is certainly not very good. Especially when it comes to grammar and spelling I need to improve. Sadly this shows in my works and I'm really sorry about it. It is a little bit better now that I got a beta-read (God bless @bleue-flora, I'll never cease to be grateful for all the time she spent editing my chapters so they are a little bit more readable)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I never really had to do this in my fics so far but if I were to write a dialogue in a different language I'd probably put a translation. If the character speaks different language I think it is good to use that language but I absolutely hate it when people don't include translation.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Tokyo revengers

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

*looks at all my fics* I hate them all equally, I srsly can't pick one. But ... well if I had to pick a favorite it would be either Monsters don't deserve hugs but you aren't a monster or Smiling masks and golden crowns. Those two are currently the most fun to write and ... dunno, I just like the story I guess. But then again I'm emotionally attached to all my written babies. I spent so many hours (that I should've spent sleeping) writing those, it's hard not get attached.

Oh no, now comes the part when I'll tag someone right? I srsly need friends so I can tag someone ... but let's see ... @elmhat, @the-final-sif, @cgogs, @1wn8ure, @airrec, @swordfright, @mistythedritten and anyone who wants to address those questions :)

I probably went a little bit overboard with answering those but ... it was fun :] if anyone actually read all of this I hope I haven't bored you to death ;)

Oh and it is like 2,30 AM for my so sorry about the grammar I'm too tired to watch it ...

[zuzsenpai]

This is another personal post with TW mental illness. I'm sorry there have been so many recently. I really have nowhere else to put these things. Feel free to ignore.

I don't think my depression has ever been this bad before, in the almost 13 years I've had it. For maybe the past two months it's been steadily growing to a point of intensity that I can't ignore. The absolutely awful feelings won't go away. I can't stop thinking about how miserable I feel.

I can barely take care of myself. I eat takeout every day. There's garbage everywhere at my house. I can't get shit done at work and at some point people are going to notice. I have multiple really REALLY urgent doctor's appointments/calls I HAVE to make (one of which is to my psychiatrist who apparently I'm blocked from messaging on the healthcare app), yet I can't seem to pick up the phone. I am mentally incapable somehow. There's a wall there.

I have been told to exercise and meditate and I physically and mentally cannot. Again, there is a wall.

I have a video game I wanted to play, I try to play it, and I feel completely unattached to it (even though I have loved it in the past). I joined a really exclusive roleplay community for that game and proceeded to be too overwhelmed to make the character application and now the mods are asking me what I want to do. I haven't written fanfiction in two months because of severe burnout, and I miss it so desperately that it's making me realize I might have been using it as a bandaid/distraction. But my brain is so fried that I feel too overwhelmed to write again. People are leaving me nice comments on my fics and I can't even bring myself to read them let alone respond to them. My memory is so bad that I can't remember a lot of what happens in any of my fave series' and I feel like creating good fan content for those things is impossible at this point.

I'm ignoring online friends in my favorite server. I promised multiple IRL friends I would watch animes they like and I am feeling guilty that I mentally cannot do that. I'm dreading the two anime cons I have coming up in March because I don't think I'm going to feel comfortable in my cosplay this year. I have a close friend (who is also my coworker) who keeps trying to get me to do things with her and her husband and I keep turning them down because I'm worried I'll get overwhelmed by social anxiety and general awkwardness. Just the thought of having awkward social interactions is terrifying me and pushing me down harder than it ever has.

I had a boyfriend between October 2022 and December 2023, but I felt like it was a huge chore every time I had to see him and I developed zero feelings for him. I felt repulsed by the thought of us being romantic. We ghosted each other in December and now I feel like shit about it because he may have been the only chance I'll ever have at a relationship... but I also am in such a bad state that it's probably good things are over. Why don't I feel relieved?

I'm having physical tics in my abdomen and jaw that are getting worse and worse to the point of pain and people noticing. I can't talk to literally anyone without sounding upset, negative, angry. I had my best friends from out of state over a few weekends ago and I was so sick the whole time, I felt like I was letting them down. I've been repeating awkward interactions with friends and coworkers over and over in my head to the point where I think about it at night.

I haven't put my Christmas decorations away because I fucking CAN'T.

This week has been particularly bad. Yesterday I was working from home because of snow. When the snow stopped I rushed to my parents' house because I needed to be somewhere with people I know. But I was so negative in how I spoke with them, and it's making me feel even worse. I used to be really talkative and intelligent when having conversations with my family, but depression has taken that away from me pretty badly over the years, to the point where I can barely talk without thinking about how absolutely dreadful I am at conversation.

But today might be the worst of it (unrelated to Valentine's Day, though it certainly isn't helping). It pained me emotionally and physically to get out of bed, and I wanted to take a mental health day. Literally fell back asleep for an hour before I had to get up and DREAMT about taking a mental health day. But being alone at home is actually so much worse than being at work where there are at least people I am comfortable with. So I went in. I have been absolutely bombarded with depressed feelings all day though. I get up to walk down the hall to the bathroom and somehow that feels worse than sitting and staring at my computer without accomplishing anything. I'm sitting here crying at work, completely destroying the four months of tally marks I had for 'days without crying at work'. I didn't break my record, sadly.

I have a therapist. I have an appointment with her today actually. Maybe I'll just read all of this to her. I don't know where it's going to lead or what she's going to tell me to do, but all I want is to walk down the hall to the bathroom and have at least average, neutral emotions instead of carrying a chest full of raging depression. I want to be able to say something happy to someone so that they don't dump me as a friend for being toxically negative. I want to live, and I have things to live for. But damn if this depression isn't making it extremely difficult to enjoy those things.

[somewhereapart]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you for tagging me @revolutionsoftheheart! 💋

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

230

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 1,851,307

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently: SVU (EO), MCU/Marvel (Steggy), Once Upon a Time (OQ) (shut up, i'm calling it current bc I intend to continue, I've just been taking a little break....)

Over the course of my fandom life: Battlestar Galactica (Lee/Kara), Private Practice (Charlotte/Cooper), CSI:Miami (Calleigh/Eric), and if you count all the writing I did in notebooks during my teenage years Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel: The Series (Buffy/Angel, Buffy/Spike, Angel/Darla).

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Couches (SVU)

Breaking In (Once Upon a Time) (** This one would absolutely have the top spot if the OQ fandom had made the shift to Ao3 sooner. Baker's Dozen would probably be in the top 5 as well, so... honorable mention. lol)

Lip Service (SVU)

Convalescence (SVU)

Mistakes Were Made (SVU)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I used to respond to every single comment, years and years ago. Now I am terrible at responding to comments, for a number of reasons. 1) I just don't have the spoons I used to have, and oftentimes I will start out replying to all the comments and then the day will pass and the next day I maybe don't have the time/energy for it, and then I worry people will think I'm intentionally ignoring their comments, which I am very much not, so I kind of adopted an "if I can't get to everybody, I just shouldn't do anybody" mentality which is probably not the greatest and I am trying to work on... 2) I tend to keep the tab open for my latest fic/update for a day or two to see what comments roll in but then after that, I close the tab and I forget the inbox on Ao3 actually exists so I'm reliant on my email alerts to know when there's a new comment, and I don't check that email every day so sometimes it's dayssss after someone leaves a comment on a not-quite-brand-new work before I see it. And then I feel like I've accidentally left it too late? 3) I feel like I should have more to say than just replying to everyone with "Thanks!", or I feel bad when I have more to say to some reviews than that (because they ask a question, are more specific about something, etc.) but then reply to some of the others with only "Thanks!" Like I feel like the people who just get "thanks!" are gonna feel like I don't value their reviews as much as the people who get a longer response, and then they'll feel bad or like they wasted their effort reviewing and then I'll feel bad bc that is very much not the case. (See above re: "if I can't do it for everyone, I'll just do it for no one.") This is the (one and only) downside to me of the Ao3 comment reply format vs. FFNet review replies -- I LOVE that the Ao3 comments format lends itself better to conversation, but the FFnet review replies went to people's DMs so nobody knew if they got a "Thanks!" on this one and someone else got a paragraph. 4) I feel like it pads the Comment count? Like it looks like the work got double the response that it did, it feels a little like I'm cheating? So in summary, I have Comment reply anxiety, clearly lol. But I love receiving everyone's comments, and I hoard each and every one like a dragon with their treasure, and I appreciate everyone who takes the time to leave one. Maybe in 2024 I should make it a goal to reply to all of them idk...

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Mmmmm.... Hexes, maybe? I was scrolling down the OUAT fic memory lane last night and hit OQ Angst Week, that had some doozies. Maybe Sing A Song of Forgetting, that one was rough.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Baker's Dozen, probably. (Which, fun fact -- I put the OG version back up on Ao3 a few years back "temporarily" and then forgot to take it down, so if you have that and the published book version, now you can compare, I guess 😂)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not much these days, but I have a few times in the past. The one I got the most hate on is actually not on Ao3 because when I moved over my Private Practice fics from FFnet, I didn't move anything incomplete that I wasn't expecting to finish. But it was a Charlotte King fic that dealt with her fiance coming back into her life (before we actually met him on the show) while she and Cooper were broken up, and I was very clear that it was a Charlotte fic not so much a CharCoop fic, but oooooh people were mad that there was a love triangle going on and it was unclear who she was gonna end up with. LIVID. FURIOUS. That's the fic that made me turn off anon reviews for the first time bc I had someone who would just troll me with hate reviews and blow up my DMs. It was a time....

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Indeed, and pretty much... whatever's clever. lol I need more specifics on the last question.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Not really, no.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes! Someone swiped a chunk of one of my EO fics and reused it like word for word (with the names changed, obvs) in their Jopper fic this summer! And someone linked me to it and I blew up their Comments section on the chapter and they deleted their entire internet presence, it was wild.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, because every time someone asks me for permission to translate one, I say no, bc I am very protective of my work. lol I don't like not being able to vet the translation and know that it comes across the way I want it to. I've talked in the past about having a friend of mine do a Spanish translation of Baker's Dozen, but she literally does translation for a living and she's so familiar with my writing and my writing process (and I'm so familiar with hers) that I can trust the end result would be what I'd want it to be. Also, in my experience, folks who want to translate my work also want to repost it somewhere themselves, and I haaaaaaate that. I'm a control freak about my work, I want it to be where I want it and have control over the managing of it at all times. (I get annoyed when people repost my work to other fic archives/collections, or have it bound in print for themselves, etc. I don't like that. What if I want to go back and change something? Just leave it where I posted it and link back to there, please and thank you!)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, but never to completion.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship? It's like choosing between children, I can't.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

If Every Road Led Back Home (the aforementioned Charlotte King fic). Everything else, I am still convinced I'll finish it someday. lol (But if we were gonna be less optimistic than that, What Happens in Vegas, and L'ébauche probably)

16. What are your writing strengths?

Porn with feelings. lol Sex scenes with what I call "heightened realism" -- it's probably consistently better sex than real-world sex, but never so much that it seems implausible or too exaggerated, and I like to include little mishaps, or imperfections, or the real things that often get skipped over (hey condoms, hey lube, hey peeing after sex) because when you've been writing sexy fanfic for two decades, quite frankly it's boring when it's perfect and shiny every time. I have a Steggy fic planned for sometime this year that is basically "their sex life has one consistent and inconvenient obstacle and here's all the ways that works out (and sometimes doesn't work out) for them." I haven't flexed my angst muscles in a while, but I used to absolutely love writing stuff that wrecked people until they were yelling at me in the comments. I miss doing that.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Rampant abuse of grammar (I know I'm doing it, I just don't care), overuse of the word "just", and too many parentheticals. Also knowing when to stop. I will use 18 words when 3 would do, and I can very easily write myself into the weeds instead of staying on target and writing every scene with intent toward a goal. (Hi, Breaking In.) Also, finishing things. (Hello again, Breaking In, and every other unfinished WIP both on Ao3/FFnet and in my Google Docs graveyard.)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

If it fits the fic, absolutely, but only a language I can find a native speaker to check and correct for me before I post it. I don't wanna be the one out here with the wonky Google Translate French that makes people who can actually read the language cringe.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Technically, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The first fanfic I ever published on the internet was a Spuffy fic that is now lost to the ages because it was on some fic archive that no longer exists, but I did a lot of pen-and-paper BtVS fanfic writing in middle and high school.

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

I'm gonna go with Breaking In, because it's my baby. My Beast. The big guy. My Everest. And also Baker's Dozen because it's Baker's Dozen.

tagging in a no-pressure way (and sorry for any double tags): @goodthingscomeinthrees @behindthelabels @rahleeyah @roboticonography @doctorhelena @lyricalviolet @audreysl0ve @ninzied @somuchwhatever and anyone else who wants to do it!

[employee052]

semi vent fic

intentionally written incredibly vauge but if you know this blog, then you can probably guess what its about kashjdlkasd

also, they are not talking about something in particular. this was written both to collect my thoughts and calm down so im sorry if something sounds wrong or theres a spelling error.

---

a man in a green jacket sits down on a grassy hillside near a thicket of trees. a mop of teal green and white hair swaying against the wind as a comforting gust washes over the landscape. the forest of pine and oak rustling in tranquillity as the cloudy blue sky ahead provides shelter from the sweltering sun.

the man in green closes his eyes. taking a deep breath before sighing out all the remaining stresses and anxieties from his system even for just a moment.

behind him, another figure passes by, their brown sweater feeling almost fitting for the surroundings as their white hoodie string flows along with the wind..

the figure sits down beside the man in green and stares out into the nature ahead of them. 

the two sit in contemplative silence for a moment. letting the silence ease their nerves as they simply basked in the comforting presence of polite company.

the man in brown breaks the silence. "do you ever wish to join them?" he asks, words vague like a secret struggling to be kept hidden. 

yet the man in green understands his question. "yeah, sorta." he responds honestly, fiddling with whatever is beside him on the ground.

"i hate feeling like i'm missing out on something," he continues, "maybe its the anxiety speaking? i have no clue."

another contemplative pause.

"a part of me wants to join them, but…" brown trails off, looking off into the forest as if he was looking for something.

"but?"

"... it feels weird, trying to join them. maybe i just enjoy the more private parts of it all." 

green nods understandingly, a small empathetic smile on his face. "felt."

"it feels like everything is going so fast in there." brown continues, " things are always starting, prompts being made, stories being written, art being drawn. its hard to keep up."

"yep, that and it feels like whatever i make isn't good enough compared to the likes of giants and creative geniuses there. i know im a good artist, but compared to everyone there? i feel like an ant." 

the two go silent as the sound of leaves rustling in the wind grows louder, the wind picking up as though it were a scene in a film. both men let the words exchanged settle into their minds comfortingly, understanding the other for a moment or two.

"what do you suppose we do then?" asks brown, looking to green for guidance.

green pauses, looking back at brown through his yellow glasses. 

"as much as i want to continue trying to join that stream of creation and excitement, i think ill keep things slow, personal, calm even. i hate feeling rushed, and when i want to do stuff with you in it, i want it to mean something. and not just because i don't want to be left out."

brown looks at green understandingly. a comforting smile on his face as he nods.

"ill still do things where, if it comes up ill do it. but i think im good being left out of everything for now. i enjoy doing things at my own pace."

he looks into browns eyes, "and what about you? what's your take on it? im not making a decision without your side."

brown's eyes widen, eyebrows raised as he tries to gather his thoughts together before replying.

"well," he starts looking back into the forest like it was his audience, "i agree with what you said honestly. so there's not much i can comment on."

"as much as i enjoy being the centre of attention, i enjoy it when we get to make something together at our own pace. the pressure of trying to do better with every piece as opposed to just creating for the fun of it all feels suffocating most days." 

brown looks at green suddenly, eyes swimming with nostalgia. "truth be told, i miss the early days. where you would draw me on a notebook, and it would be just us together creating. with you at the pencil and me as the muse."

"nothing to fear, nothing to think, just us, enjoying each other's company."  he says, almost grandiose. like it was a long forgotten time before all the mental turmoil and struggle hit them both like a truck.

green says nothing. opting to think back to those days with a smile. the calm and slow origins of what would later accumulate to the two on the hill, looking out into the forest.

"remember character ai? when you were talking to me there?" brown starts again, a playful grin on his face. "those were some good stories. while the bot never truly got my character down, your guidance really pushed our story into something cohesive and enjoyable. it might have been the first time i wrote with anyone else before…"

green grins, "i'm glad to hear it! and i had fun as well. really."

"maybe it was because it felt like you actually were there with me telling a story, even if the bot butchered your character a lot." green shrugged.

"psh," brown started, "a bot could never get my character down! I have too many facets to myself that putting it into a simple chatbot is like an isolation of my features! reduced to nothing but a few key traits that could never begin to even represent me as an individual!" 

"i know i know…" green sighed, "honestly, it's why i haven't gone back to that bot in ages. it's like your character finally solidified in my head, and now i'm the only one who can write you right. or at least you as my narrator anyways."

"your narrator. talk about sap, nerd." 

"oh can it, dork. you know what i mean."

the two quietly chuckle under their breath. sharing a quick friendly smile before they settle back into sitting calmly on the hill.

"so… we continue like this then? just us, the parable, and a few friends here and there with the occasional prompt or two?" brown asks.

"i suppose. maybe one day i'll be strong and determined enough to go back into that stream of creation again. but im content just sitting at the shore banks dipping my toes into the water and letting the breeze cool my face." green answers, the wind picking up like a crescendo of emotion. the two looking out into the forest with a soft smile and an easy heart. ready to take their time and savour all they can in the moment.

"i understand." brown replies. taking green's hand comfortingly and squeezing it, silently comforting and reassuring him.

…

"also, great use of metaphors by the way." he adds slightly jokingly

green rolls his eyes. "jeez thanks. and i assume that my english test on shakespeare is tomorrow too, sir?" he teases, his voice light with genuinity as he scooches closer to his friend and rests his head on brown's shoulder.

brown scoffs, "and to think i enjoyed writing with you." he jokes back, knowing full well that they both carry no real bite at these taunts. resting his head against green's shoulder as the two stare off into the forest peacefully. 

[1o1percentmilk]

hi! regarding your social queues post

i feel like i'm experiencing a thing that's a bit similar to what you are dealing with down to the "I'm not autistic but this shit isn't neurotypical" thoughts (and if not, I'm really sorry for an impromptu vent just ignore all of this please and have a kitty ฅ/⁠ᐠ•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠ᐟ⁠\ฅ)

several of my prev psychologists link it to general anxiety and social awkwardness and yeah, that sounds reasonable, but what bothers me is that idk how to improve

i tend to overthink everything I say to the point where, even though I know what a normal response should look like I can't convince myself that what I said/wrote is articulated in a way that doesn't sound dumb/conveys literally the opposite of what I'm trying to deliver. answering a message after days of silence, which actively worsens my relationships, while I fear that answering with a 'stupid' message would be even worse or agonising over a comment I'm trying to leave on someone's work because, well, I think it's neat and cool and I want the artist/author to know it, but when I start typing my words look wrong and not genuine is a constant thing and I'm tired

and yeah, the worst is comforting people. my friend feels terrible, I can clearly see that and my heart is breaking for them, but I can never find a good thing th say. irl you at least can physically be there((maybe)) but online it's a nightmare

I was always told that words should come from the heart and I never got a feeling that was the case for me which just. i dunno what to do with this

hi hello! no, you're good, I have my ask box open for a reason and that includes venting n stuff like that, i don't mind at all!

yeah this is exactly what i'm talking about... like i have no problem picking up on things between the lines... but i always take too long to respond and by the time i think of something i am either too nervous or the window has passed. in my case, I know its because i have a "slower processing speed" than other people, which i've had since I was little, it's easier to think when i can type on a screen and be able to check if im making sense, but i don't do verbal stuff very well.

i've been in therapy as well, a long time ago, and i've been told i might be on the autism spectrum, and/or have add, but i'm pretty resistant to getting a formal diagnosis or even self diagnosing for some reason.

i think for me, and i don't know if this will help for you, i want to 1) get rid of the... mental block? filter? that my thoughts have to get through before I say something... because sometimes i come up with the thought, but don't say anything due to nerves. that'll help me get more thoughts out there and 2) get more practice with people... which is hard! i tried out both improv and drama club in high school because this is an issue i've been working on for a long time... it didn't really work, but i've learned that there are a lot of... scripts! that i can just use in a pinch. even if its just like, small talk and stuff, or if i don't have anything, i just turn the question on the other person and just listen!

i've been trying to make peace with the fact that i will probably never be as good of a talker as other people, but you and me brother we are probably just meant to be listeners... and nothing wrong with that... there IS stuff we can do to get better at talking, which i encourage. but don't get down out of reason for being quiet.

SORRY that got really long despite me not having alot of good advice but im struggling with it with you, good luck with finding something that works.. if u want to talk u are always welcome here, i enjoyed reading your ask!

[bus-ghoul]

They want to make that intuitive leap

Of all things I could have written... This is a Quinn Fabray x Nancy Wheeler ficlet/drabble. We aren't gonna call it Quancy cause that's gross.

These guys are ... not romantically compatible imo so on a soul level this is more ronance/quinntana

but they are both screamingly comphet more than any other characters I know so I'm obsessed with them

I hope someone else can enjoy my self indulgence

Quinn isn't going to let herself acknowledge it, but she has a plan.

There were calculations involved in every step of getting to this point.

But, if she thinks too much about the fact she's traveled over an hour and a half away to get to the nearest thing she could find to a lesbian bar, then she'd have to start thinking about other things too. Like the fact her usual choice of a long skirt has crept up to barely her mid thigh. Like the fact she had spent the hour before classes this morning filing her nails short.

What works best for Quinn to just act. She has questions she needs answered.

She walks into the bar with the confident front she's been putting on since she was 13.

There are a lot of women.

Not that is is surprising, the Facebook post advertised 'Ladies night', but it's...weird and distracting so have no men in sight.

No one she would assume was a man anyway... There are people here she wouldn't know how to address.

The thought jolts her.

The first person to smile at her as she walks towards the center of activity has bright pink hair, cropped into a short mullet. They are wearing a white singlet that clings to their body, and their chest looks flat. Quinn tenses with anxiety that's a lot like curiosity.

The pink haired person is dancing with a crowd and turns away to laugh with one of them, so Quinn redirects to the bar.

There's a seat next to a girl her age towards the far end of the room.

She's pretty, Quinn thinks, petite. She's wearing some high-waisted trousers and a top cropped in a way that leaves a couple of inches of her back exposed where she leans forward on her stool. Her hair is dark, curly. Quinn pulls back the adjacent stool.

"What are you drinking?" She asks.

The girl next to her looks up. She looks surprised to see Quinn next to her, she thinks, but that might just be her eyes. They're wide and dark and searching in a way that makes her feel exposed before they've even really talked, but she smiles at her and leans back, straightening up.

"It's actually called a gold star" she tells Quinn, her voice drawling slightly. "I couldn't tell you what's in it, I just ordered the one that sounded least perverted".

Quinn smiles back.

"Would you recommend it?"

"If you want something that tastes good, no, but it's the cheapest cocktail on the menu and it'll get you drunk fast". The girl cocks her head and smiles at her again.

There's something in her eyes that makes Quinn prickle. Like this girl is trying to see more than she is currently allowed.

It is not part of how this is going to go.

"What's got you drinking to get drunk?" She asks, conversationally, as if she isn't asking to gain ground.

The girl looks at her, considering, for a moment. Her brows raise. "You want to have sex." She responds, cooly.

Quinn's mouth drops open for a second, before she snaps it shut. She had intended to be bold but she isn't sure how they arrived here after all of 30 seconds.

"Going to ask my name first?", she asks casually watching the other girl carefully.

"Don't need to, Quinn"

The build up to get herself to this point had involved resigning herself to a commitment of being steadfast, stubborn and determined in the face of overwhelming discomfort but that comment about sends her into fight or flight, before the girl gestures to the ID she is twirling between her fingers.

Quinn let's out the breath she's holding silently, through her nose, and flags the bar tender, ordering by pointing at random to the cocktail board.

"Why do you think that's why I'm here?" She asks in the tone she hopes is casual.

"You've come to a lesbian bar night alone and talked to the first single girl you saw" the curly haired girl supplies, looking at Quinn carefully. "Nancy, by the way.".

"Nice to meet you Nancy." Quinn responds flatly. "Want to share why you're here alone?".

Nancy raises an eyebrow at her and Quinn feels a rush of frustration. This is not nearly as simple as it is with boys. She's actually sure if she's closer to fighting this girl or flirting with her.

"I think I might be in love with someone, a friend. A girl" Nancy explains, looking back at her drink at the same time the bar tender slides Quinn hers. "It's confusing. I don't know if we're just really close and I'm not good at that so I'm misunderstanding my feelings, or... I don't know if she thinks of me... like that . I just don't know much about this. So I came here to learn."

"Hands on learner?" The bold question slips out before she can catch it but she feels a tingle of satisfaction when Nancy faintly blushes.

"Hmm, just very thorough." Nancy smiles again. "Have you been with a girl before?".

Quinn tapers down the instinct to balk at that, this girl has been honestly frighteningly open with her and it feels like something mutually satisfactory can come from this.

"Yes." She states. "A friend... we had a casual... encounter". Quinn looks up at Nancy, who's listening intently, and prays she never sees her again after tonight. "I can't stop thinking about it, about her. I've never...it's never been like that before."

Nancy asks softly, "How did it happen?".

"We were at a wedding. I'd broken up with another awful guy and I just wanted something. She was there and willing and I trust her. I was pretty obvious, really. Probably as obvious as just asking.".

"That won't work with mine." Nancy says, dejectedly stirring the ice left in her glass.

"I want to know if... If it was good because it was her or just because she's had a lot of experience"

"I see." Nancy nods. "Well I've never had sex with a girl so that should help answer your question".

Quinn grins. "What about your question?".

"Mine is more, will having sex with a random girl while I'm pining over my friend make me feel better?"

"I'm beginning to think my question has been answered" Quinn finds herself laughing. "This feels like a business transaction".

"Sexy for some." Nancy smiles again and her lashes flutter and Quinn experiences a similar sensation in her chest. "What do you find sexy Quinn?"

🍎🍏🍐🍑🍒🍓🥝🍍🍌🍋🍊🍉🍈🍇

An hour later, they've only had two drinks, but Quinn has lipstick on her neck and Nancy is dragging her somewhere private and she's more happy and excited that she has ever felt with a guy ever.

She tries not to think about how gay Santana would say that is.

[fates-theysband]

let stars shine until the breaking day

this fucking fic is going to ruin my sleep schedule. i could post this on ao3 or something at this point but i'm super not baring my soul to the merciless court of a general fandom's public opinion, even one this small.

standard language warning, alcohol implied but not actually directly mentioned.

Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 (<- you are here)

--

The rest of the day, focusing on anything was close to fucking impossible. Literally the only thing on Charlie’s mind was This cannot be real. There’s no fucking way he was actually interested enough in me to come back to leave his number. They caught themself picking apart the message from him, trying to find some evidence of a catfish or a prank. Had someone else been in the shop without their knowledge, overheard, and gotten some kind of fucked up idea? No, not likely. The bells were too loud for anyone to pass unnoticed. They ran over in their head the list of everyone who could possibly know enough about the situation to try and pull something like this and came up with nothing–the extent of it had been the conversation with Mortimer and an offhanded mention to their roommate that there had been a cute customer at work.

The only explanation that made sense was the obvious one. But that one was too good to be true.

At closing time, they jumped at the chance to haul the empty boxes out to the dumpster. The walk back would probably be enough time to send another message, assuming the one they’d been drafting in their head for the past few hours didn’t immediately require a full edit and rewrite phase once they typed it in. Mortimer responded to Charlie’s rather enthused volunteering with a quirked brow and a knowing smile, but did not comment further. 

They weren’t even halfway back across the strip mall parking lot before they’d sent the message.

That’s great!! Sorry for the late reply btw I kinda had to sneak in that message while I was working lol. How was your day?

No immediate read receipt like last time. They kept peeking the rest of the way back, though, hoping and fearing all at once that he’d get back to them that fast again. It wasn’t to be, unfortunately; they reached the back door of the Emporium and still no response. No read receipt either, though; maybe he just wasn’t near his phone. At least, they hoped that was the reason.

Still no response by the time they’d finished up their closing tasks, clocked out, and boarded the bus home. They spent most of the bus ride back to their apartment complex staring at the messaging app–he still hadn’t even read it yet. Or did he turn off read receipts so they couldn’t tell if he’d read it because he didn’t want to make it obvious that he was ghosting them because they’d weirded him out?

Wait, shit, was a “how was your day” text too forward for someone you just met two days ago? That didn’t seem right, but social interaction, especially stuff like flirting, had so many unspoken rules that you were supposed to just intuit. Maybe that was like, Level 2 talking stage or something.

They shook their head. Honestly, were they going to catastrophize over every little thing? They didn’t actually know this guy. He could be a huge asshole past the first impression and if he ghosted them it’d be no great loss.

They almost jumped out of their skin at the slight buzz in their palm. A text message. Not from Mr. Feight like they were hoping–there still wasn’t even a read receipt–but they’d missed the notification showing who it was from. Reluctantly, they paused their vigil on that particular message log and swiped back to their full text history to see a new message from one Rico Chatte.

Hey are you off work yet?

They shot back a quick Yeah.

Immediate response. Wanna go hit up the Den tonight?

Ugh. Between the anxiety and the whole thing with being glued to their phone waiting for a message that may never come, Charlie would not be any fun in a bar setting right now. On a Friday night? Idk if we’d even be able to get in.

Brief pause. Read receipt. Dots. Touche. Wanna go halvsies on a pizza and rent a weird movie on PPV then? I’m in a celebratory mood.

Okay. Interesting new wrinkle in this whole day. What’s the occasion?

I’ll tell you when you get home.

Which they did, a few stops later. In the meantime, they noticed that Douglas had read their message, and they’d even seen the typing indicator come up a few times. But it always disappeared after a few seconds, with no message to follow. Then it would reappear a minute or two later, and the cycle would repeat. Now they were more intrigued than anything. Sure, he could just be trying to think of the politest way to say he wasn’t interested and they misinterpreted his reasoning, but he seemed like an eloquent enough guy and (they hoped) the few words they’d exchanged had been free enough of expectations that letting them down easy shouldn’t be that difficult.

It was something, they decided as they stepped off the bus and headed up the stairs to their apartment, they’d have to discuss with someone who was better versed in this stuff.

They unlocked the apartment door and headed inside, announcing “Honey, I’m home!” in a half-hearted singsong to the slight figure lying sprawled across the couch, watching what sounded like vocoded meme videos on their phone.

The sound of an electronically enhanced voice reading out hilarious misspellings of the words “Ouija board” ceased abruptly as Rico locked their phone, tossed it aside, and scrambled to their feet. “Charlie,” they said to their roommate in a mock-dramatic voice, “it is with nothing but joy in my heart that I bring you this news.”

Charlie grinned. “You’re gonna stop taking the last bagel when you leave for interviews?”

Rico gasped in joking offense, then continued. “While I don’t appreciate your attacks on my character, I will forgive them because I can do you one better. Charlie Voss, I hereby relieve you of your duties as sole breadwinner of this household. Which, I mean, my savings were covering my share of the rent and all but now we won’t be stretched quite as thin.”

Charlie’s grin widened into a genuine smile. “You got hired? That’s awesome! What’s the job?”

“You know that admin assistant gig I went for a week ago?” Rico answered, moving past Charlie and opening the fridge.. “Turns out that guy actually did think a degree and three years experience was sufficient for filing papers and taking phone calls. Or at least that everyone else’s qualifications were worse.”

“Hey, doesn’t matter what’s going on in his head, as long as you end up getting paid,” Charlie replied. “When do you start?”

“Monday. You want anything while I’m in here?”

“Yeah, can you grab me a water?” They paused for a moment. “Did you ever tell me the name of that place?”

Rico rose back to their full height and handed Charlie a bottle of water. “I don’t think I did. I think it was called Feight Tax Services or something like that.”

Charlie, who had just taken a swig from the bottle immediately before they heard that, inhaled some of the water in such a way that they were pretty sure they could go on TV and call the resulting coughing fit a near-death experience. When they were finally able to stop coughing long enough to breathe, they wheezed out, “That’s. Uh. Familiar.”

“Holy shit, are you okay!?” Rico asked, whirling around from where they were walking back to the couch.

“Yeah, I just. Wasn’t expecting you to say that. I’ll explain later. Let’s, uh, let’s get that pizza order in before it gets too late.”

Rico stared at them with a raised eyebrow for what had to be a solid thirty seconds, then turned around and walked back to the couch. Charlie followed, relieved to have something to take their mind off this brand new sub-dilemma that had abruptly branched off of their main dilemma. 

That hope for a distraction lasted about as long as the walk from the door to the living room couch. The moment Charlie sat down, their phone buzzed in their pocket. They pulled it out just enough to peek at the name on the notification.

The name read “Douglas Feight”.

Charlie stood back up, quicker than they intended. “Whoa, holy shit,” they told Rico in a tone they hoped was convincing. “My phone’s super low right now. I’m gonna go run to my room and grab my charger so it doesn’t die on me.”

Rico returned to the same raised-eyebrow stare they’d had a few moments ago. “Oooookay. Uh, I’ll get my half of the pizza built while you do that, I guess.”

“Great. Awesome. I’ll be back.” They hurried into the hallway leading to their bedroom. Now definitely did NOT feel like the time to reveal to their best friend, “Hey, you know that guy I told you about the other day? Yeah, the one I said was cute? Turns out that guy is YOUR FUCKING BOSS.”

But, all the same, they were not going to let this message wait. Not after how long they’d agonized over what it might say. They headed into their room, sat on their bed, and opened the text.

It read, No need to apologize, I understand. I wasn’t able to find the time to send you this until now, after all. I had a lovely day today, thank you for asking. How was yours?

Maybe that was why he seemed to have been typing and erasing his response repeatedly earlier–he’d just kept getting interrupted at work or something before he could finish it. That thought was…honestly kind of cute, that he’d been so doggedly trying to ask them about their day despite all the interruptions. They set the phone on their bed and reached down to grab the charger cord plugged into the wall by their bed, when they heard it buzz again. They sat back up so fast they whacked their head against the nightstand, but they were so laser focused they barely felt it.

Another message. Actually, if it isn’t too forward of me to ask, are you busy tonight? I’d like the chance to meet with you, perhaps make proper introductions in person.

They hesitated briefly, glancing in the direction of the living room despite the fact that the only thing actually visible in that direction from their current vantage point was a solid wall. This was going to be hard to explain. But on the other hand, Rico had initially wanted to go out tonight. Maybe they’d be so happy that Charlie changed their mind that they wouldn’t question it.

They sent back, I’m free. You have a place in mind?

Another immediate response. I’m not very familiar with the nightlife in Cosmopolis, I’m afraid. Where do you recommend?

Charlie refrained from telling him that he was probably about as familiar with the local nightlife as they were, it being that they only went to one bar with any degree of regularity and even then it was just as a tag-along to someone who was much more outgoing, and responded, Ever heard of this place called Cerberus’s Den?

A slightly longer pause before the response. I’ve heard the name, but I haven’t been there, no.

It looks like a dive on the outside but I promise it’s great. And also it would be crowded enough on a Friday night that they could probably sneak away from Rico without arousing too much suspicion.

I trust your judgment. How does 8:00 sound?

They glanced at the clock on their phone. It was 6:30 now, and their apartment was close enough to the Den that it was only a ten-minute walk to get there…hour and twenty minutes should be enough to get ready. They hoped. 8 sounds great. They paused, realized what they did, and sent another message. Haha, I’m a poet.

Indeed you are. I’ll see you there. :) 

Charlie’s face felt like it was on fire. It wasn’t fair that someone could be so handsome and so adorable at the same time. They shot back, See you there! and then went to stand up, before a knock on the door gave them their second near-death experience in the past half hour.

“Are you dead in there or something? How long does it take to find a phone charger?” Rico called from the other side of the door. “Hurry up, at this rate the place is gonna close.”

“Sorry,” Charlie called back. “I, uh, got a call and I had to take it.” They rose to their feet and opened the door. “By the way, change of plans. I was in a weird mood earlier but I think I’m okay to go out now. You still down to hit the Den?”

Rico quirked a brow but appeared to shrug off the sudden change in demeanor. “Of course, there wasn’t anything that sounded decent on pay-per-view anyway. Are you okay though? You look like you pressed your entire face against a running toaster oven.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good,” Charlie replied, leaning against the doorframe in a desperate attempt to look casual. “You wanna invite anyone else out with us?”

“It’s Friday night, anyone who I’d want to invite out is probably already there. Now let’s quit bullshitting and get ready. I’d hate for the crowd to get any worse.”

“You got it,” Charlie replied, closing the door to their room again as Rico turned and headed down the hall. Once it was fully closed, they slumped back against it and took a deep breath to process everything. This was really happening, they really did just have the most wildly attractive (and as it turns out, sweet and endearingly awkward as well) person they’d ever met ask to meet up, and they really did accept. With a level of mild deception that hopefully their best friend would forgive, but still.

They stood up fully again. Everything was in place, now all they had to do was not royally screw everything up. Not much to ask. Hopefully.