#I've got plastic wrap around my brain.

[residenthughes]

mad at me - jack hughes

pairing: jack hughes x afab reader

word count: 3.5k

tags/warnings: +18 nsfw, so minors dni, smut, unprotected p in v (don't be silly, wrap your willy!), creampie, praise, spitting & choking (nothing crazy, i promise!), use of pet names (my girl, sweetheart, baby, princess, sweetheart), slight degradation (if you squint?)

summary: jack's latest game has tensions running high and feelings left unresolved. lucky for him, you know just the solution.

notes: so...this is happening 😭 this is very much inspired by the devils latest game against the kings where jack got pretty heated 😵‍💫 who doesn't love a bit of angry! jack? 🫣 but yes, as i've mentioned before, i don't usually write smut, so this may not be the best so any tips or comments you guys have to share would be much appreciated! 💗this has been partially edited, so if you see any errors along the way, they'll be fixed soon! as always, thank you for reading and hope you enjoy! much love! <333

It takes a lot for Jack to get mad.

A sequence of events that all come to a boil, a mountain of incidents that snowball into an avalanche of his wrath. He’s so sweet, like sunny Sunday mornings that smell of fluffy pancakes and honey syrup - so, even now, so far into your relationship, you’re aware that moments like these occur. Of course, emotions wear thin like tired socks and you’re no stranger to your own and Jack’s that have seen all shades of the rainbow, but perhaps there’s something in the air, some electricity that changes the wiring of your brain because tonight is so different from the rest. Dissimilar from when you leave Jack be when his big emotions demand their place, unlike how you wrap each other in blankets of comfort when tensions have eased and everything is whole again. Because, again, this is not about you. It’s about Jack and how, as the universe has written it to be, gravity pulls straight towards him.

Things have been good - he’s come back from injury, back to his kingdom on the ice and the Devils have won back to back games - truly unheard of during their current season, beating their last opponent in regulation for the first time since 2009. It’s a big deal - the smile on Jack’s face says so, the satisfaction of his tone indicating so when he’s come back from his away games. So, you want this happiness to continue, because you love him and the happiness he illuminates but at the end of the day, his job is hockey. A coin toss of wins and losses that you’re trying to wrap your head around because you’re biassed and see all the commitment that him and his teammates put in everyday. As a result of this, Thursday happens; a dice roll of events that spiral into chaos.

You’re back home in Jersey, comfortably situated on the couch in the warmth of an ending winter that shows peaks of an upcoming spring. You’ve got popcorn in your lap because you’ve rediscovered how much you love the savoury snack, happily munching away as Jack’s game starts and the adrenaline kicks in. The first period is eventful with many saves that have you clawing at the couch, but then the second period starts and all hell breaks loose. Tensions run high and as level-headed as Jack is, he is not immune to agitation - subjected to a nasty hit into the boards, the opposing player purposely banging his elbow into Jack’s head. You’re about to start yelling at your TV screen like some drunken sailor because Jack’s been injured this season and doesn’t need more time away from what he loves, but Jack decides to get his lick back and you’re automatically silenced. Your jaw drags the length of the floor as you watch him crosscheck the hell out the guy, proceeding to rough the player up before referees interfere. Jack and the guy are arguing back and forth as they’re escorted into their teams’ penalty boxes and you’re just left bewildered, a mess of emotions with wide eyes as your stomach turns.

You watch astounded as Jack flushes in his temporary plastic home, eyes wide at he hurtles comments that leave the opposing player with a sour taste in his mouth. Jack’s shaking his head when he’s gotten what he needs off his chest, wiping away his sweat as his anger grinds to a simmer. Your eyes are glued to the TV, perched on the edge of your seat as your heart beats hard in your bruising chest. The power play continues on but you’re lost in a trance, awaiting Jack’s emergence from the penalty box that can’t come soon enough. Once he’s out, he’s sprinting for the puck and manages to get a breakaway that assures New Jersey a goal, but the loser in the penalty box with him is hot on his heels and Jack misses. He’s fuming once again, ranting to the referee that pays him no mind. Jack skates off, smashing his stick against the glass before he’s back on the bench and completely snaps it in half, a string of profanities leaving his lips. 

You sit there in awe, your grinding teeth sinking into the flesh of your fingers as your brain becomes an all-consuming pile of filth. Your precious boy, who loves his three hour long naps and looks at you like you hang the stars in the sky, the hopeless romantic who pulls out all the stops for you simply because you deserve it and who holds you as if you’re fine china - he’s almost unrecognisable now, wearing his emotions like the number of his jersey as his expression pinches and his azure eyes narrow. A rush of emotions you both experience that make a home in the chaos of your minds that long leave the remnants of their havoc.

The clatter of Jack’s hockey bag echoes from the doorway, bringing you out of the syrupy daze you’ve been submerged in far too long. You leap off the couch as your body carries you towards the front door, electricity rippling down the ridges of your spine as your skin tingles with the unknown. You keep your emotions at bay for the time being, unsure of what state Jack may be in as you creep around the corner and catch an eyeful of his demeanour - blinding annoyance. An exasperated sigh pushes from his chest as he slips off his trusted beanie, the ruffle of his wet curls bouncing as his fingers card through his hair. You gulp.

“Ro?” you test the waters - short and sweet just to gauge his reaction, anticipation hanging in the air. 

“Hey.” he bites, not bothering with looking your way as he shimmies his coat off with more force than necessary. 

You gnaw at your bottom lip, feeling helpless. “I saw the game…”

“The one I almost got fucking injured in?” he chirps, looking at you now with a pointed stare that burns with all the fire in his heart. No longer azure, his eyes singe with an almost midnight hue. “What a shitshow.”

“That was a dangerous hit, that guy’s got whatever’s coming to him,” you’re quick to reply, taking small steps towards Jack who hangs up his coat. “But that doesn’t change the fact that people pay to watch you play.” 

Jack stills in his movements, figure unmoving momentarily before his eyes throw you a lasting glance, the beginnings of a smirk working amongst his roseate features. “So, you heard?”

You blush under the heat of his undivided attention, gaze averted as you fumble with the hem of the hockey jersey on you. “Not necessarily.”

“Then what did you hear, baby?” he queries immediately, shifting so that his body now faces yours, an arm resting against the coat hanger as he sizes you up, unabashed and assertive.

Your stomach flips, the race of your heart undeniable. “You’ve got a mouth on you, so it’s easy to read lips.”

You’re chirping, working under his skin in a way that maintains some form of respect but has all the intentions of riling him up, which manifests into the beast you wish to see. A cocked eyebrow and a ticked jaw, flashes of disbelief flickering on his face. Once more, your emotions bear the weight of an anchor as excitement conjures up the swirl in your stomach, your masquerade crumbling at the seams as your nostrils flare, biting back a shit-eating grin.

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” he questions with a hint of humour, because he knows you like the back of his hand. You give him no response, preoccupied with suppressing the misplaced giggle that threatens to leave your lips. “I can’t believe this.”

The seams fully come undone, a snicker or two bypassing your lips as you retreat from the situation, ending up with your back against the door leading to the basement with Jack hot on your heels. Mirth bathes you in delight and you let it, a plethora of chuckles falling into your hand as you avert your gaze whilst Jack forgets any concept of personal space. Perhaps you’re deserving of whatever damnation comes your way, a punishment you’ve fully brought upon yourself, but when your senses fill with the waft of Jack’s earthy musk cologne and the remnants of his apple shampoo, accompanied by the warmth of his body that leans towards yours, you can’t bring yourself to feel a shred of regret.

His arm, enveloped by his raven black dress shirt, raises as he cages you in, vulnerable and at his mercy. “What else did I say, since you can read lips and all?”

This is a circus of words, meaning riddled in optical illusions that would have someone think none the wiser. Except this is yours and Jack’s circus, an act tailored for two that entertains your minds that run wild. A wildness you feed off as you meet him with the same decisiveness.

“This number,” you start, pointing towards the digits printed on your sleeve belonging to him. “86 is what people go to see - sorry, pay to see.”

You’re not really sorry, the smirk on your face says otherwise. “I think I said a lot more than that, sweetheart.”

“Besides all the huffing and puffing,” his tongue pokes at his cheek, a playful smirk betraying his flaring emotions. “You asked if he was there to play or to hurt people - fair point to make.”

“And all the others weren’t?” Jack’s moved closer, his thigh situating itself between the gap of your legs. 

You bite your tongue at the friction. “You know the answer to that.”

“Maybe,” his caging arm leaves the door, the web of his hand sat against your chin as he holds your face, maintaining the same fiery gaze that unravels you altogether. “But, it’d be better coming from you.”

“Jack,” he’s flexed his thigh, your hand reaching for the button on his dress shirt as you wane in defeat. “Please.”

“I don’t follow.” 

Your bawled fist meets his stacked chest. “Don’t play dumb.”

Jack chuckles, holding all power in the palm of his hand. “I’m just confused as to why my pants are wet.” 

To prove his point, he draws his thigh away because he’s a selfish bastard and shows you the damp spot you’ve left after his thigh made its way between your legs. The shame that washes over you is unbearable. 

Jack’s cold hands find themselves underneath the material of his jersey, one hand dancing along the outline of your underwear with a finger hanging over the top of the seam. “Oh, what to do with you.”

He’s such a tease, his ego large and in charge as you’ve long forgotten any sense of game at hand as your eyes pool with only an anguish he can extinguish. “Fuck me, please.”

“Why?” his tone light and airy, his finger hooked around the seam of your underwear as the material leaves your skin

You shiver at the breeze, eyes closed as your weak fist manages to grapple onto some material of his shirt. “Because, I need you and I think that goes both ways.”

The band of your underwear snaps against your stomach as Jack retrieves his hand, head cocked to the side as he considers the weight of your words with a locked jaw. Your teeth are sinking into the plumpness of your bottom lip, nothing but pleading in your eyes as you gaze up at him with all you can muster. 

His hand lays against your cheek, thumb automatically caressing the skin - a touch that you not only lean into, but shiver towards. “Get upstairs.”

This is a fairly new playing field for you two -  a game of cat and mouse that brings out an unfamiliar side to you, so foreign in nature that you second guess your desires and where your lust leads you. Jack doesn’t allow for any hesitation though, hand in hand with you as he comes into himself too. His thumb brushes against the corner of your lips that lift, a soft smile surfacing amongst his features before you’re headed upstairs in a flash, scurrying towards your bedroom with a trail of your clothes left in your wake.

Jack doesn’t take long to meet you upstairs, his pinstripe blazer removed as he unfastens his tie around his neck. He spares you a lingering glance as you lay sheepishly on the bed perched on your elbows, legs ajar as your folds glisten in the soft bedroom light. Jack quickly rids himself of his clothing, slipping his boxers off to reveal his hard on. A comfortable length with all the girth to fulfil you, tip flushed pink as it brims with precum. It takes everything in you not to sink to your knees and fill your mouth with his cock.

As he approaches the bed, he motions for you to turn around and you do so with no questions asked, back arched as you wait in anticipation as you feel the bed dip with his presence. Jack comes up behind you, body so incredibly close yet somehow so far away as his hands make contact with your burning skin, giving the flesh on your back a brief massage. A surprised hum vibrates in your chest as Jack drags a single finger along the dip of your spine, leaving goosebumps in his wake before he adjusts himself behind you, to which you push your ass back against his hard on.

“Stop teasing.” you sound more desperate than intended, cheek squished into your cool silk pillow.

“Can’t admire my girl before I fuck her?” The nonchalance of his tone draws a mewl out of you, your hips jutting as they search for any more contact. “Besides,”

Hands resting against the mould of your hips, one shifts as you feel his cold index finger draw in between your folds, fingertips swirling around your clit. You moan brokenly, body curling into itself. “You’re just here to take it, aren’t you, princess?”

You’re nodding before your brain can even compute his words, humming along to accentuate your point as his fingertips continue to swirl along the shape of your clit. It’s too much and not enough - a tug of war of sorts that makes your hips rock into Jack, an action that at one point, has his tip catching against your wet entrance. A hiss from behind you sounds as you grapple onto the pillow beside you. 

Jack’s hand leaves you high and dry, but alias, his patiences dissipates into the night sky as he glides into you in one smooth motion, robbing you of your breath and sanity as your mouth gapes open and eyes roll. Sinking into the mattress, your spread legs accommodate for the snap of Jack’s hips as he starts to fuck you from behind, your back curving as you gladly take everything he’s offering. Face mangled into your hoard of pillows, your fingers cling to the duvet for some kind of security, at the mercy of Jack who pleases you in all the way he knows how. 

“How hard do you want me to fuck you?” he asks, maybe genuinely because his strength seems somehow restricted, but you’re keening high in your throat at how filthy his words fall from his rosy lips so easily. 

“Harder,” you plead, losing yourself in the pleasure as your one hand shuffles to rub against your neglected clit. “Harder, please.”

And, he obliges, bullying his cock into you as you gasp at the impact. A smack lands against your ass, the supple surface sizzling as your hips retract, Jack’s ironclad grip holding you from escaping any further as his fingers make indents into your skin like notches in a bedpost. 

“Hang on,” his pace slows, breath laboured as you feel him pull out of you reluctantly. “Turn around. I need to see you.”

You squirm against the sheets, easily complying with Jack’s wishes that suit you, your body turning as your sweaty-layered back sticks to the duvet. In the dimmed light of your bedroom, you catch a glimpse of Jack, whose wet curls fall in all the right places and how every outline of his well-built body drives you wild. You catch the shallow rises of his chest and the flush against his cheeks and as he tucks stray strands of hairs behind his ears, his hands find purchase at your thighs and draw you closer. It’s when he looks into your eyes, shameless in the pleasure written all over his face as he pushes into you again that you think you could never get tired of this view. 

Your walls mould to the shape of his cock, sucking him in entirely as you both moan at the feeling. To add fuel to the fire, Jack decides to unfold your legs and hoist them over his shoulders, the new angle burying him even deeper and bringing you closer to the edge. A huff of amusement sounds from Jack as he peers down at your parted lips, wasting no time in fucking you into the mattress as the bed creaks underneath the pressure. His earlier annoyance rears its head in his movements, unsettled irritation laced in the impact of his thrusts, your cunt leaking all around him as he pounds into you relentlessly. So close in proximity, Jack takes the opportunity to caress your cheek, a sweet gesture as your breath hitches, all before his hand slowly drifts down towards your neck. An affirmative nod from you is he needs to tighten his grip, your brewing orgasm intensifying tenfold as he maintains all the eye contact to make you shudder.

He’s balls deep in you, each hard thrust punctuated by the smack of the wooden headboard against the bedroom wall. You feel him all around you like some wicked embrace: in your stomach, your lungs and around your throat, the snug clasp his calloused hand holds against your pressure points lolling your mouth open, gasping at the sheer intensity stewing within you. 

Jack takes the opportunity, wet curls stuck to his forehead, leaning closer as he spits directly into your mouth, as he does onto the ice throughout his games. Something twists violently in you, back arching off the bed as your lips fall close to moan from the deepest parts within you, the taste of Jack on your tongue. 

“Taking me like such a good girl,” he praises, your reflection plentiful in his eyes. “If I’d known you liked this, would have done it a long time ago.”

Everything begins to blur at the edges like an old photograph, bliss engulfing you in its heavenly fire as your skin shimmers with sweat and your nails scrape at Jack’s shoulder - a futile attempt to regain control that had been long lost, your bodies movement forgotten as you squirm and shiver all over. 

Oxygen courses back into your deprived lungs as Jack releases his grip, burning hand against your cheek as his thumb brushes your cheekbone, catching your fluttering eyelashes. “I got you, baby. Got you, princess.”

“Never been fucked,” a whimper escapes when Jack notches that spongy spot that buries your nails into his skin, “like this. Feels-fuck, good.”

He laughs lightly, pace stuttering yet hitting all the right places. “Love giving my pretty girl what she wants,”

You clench around him, embedding your nails into the flesh of his back as your teeth sink into your bottom lip, gaze scattered. “And my pretty girl wants to come, don’t you?”

He poses the rhetorical question with a mean pinch at your clit before pushing a heavy hand down on your lower stomach, the pressure accelerating you towards your fast-approaching orgasm. The sounds pour out of you like a waterfall, eyebrows furrowed as you plead with begging eyes. “Kiss me?”

“Whatever you want, baby.” he breathes, almost whiny as his hand circles around your nape, your figure floating as your lips collide in a messy embrace, rhythm unmatched as your yearning seeps through your teeth. 

Jack captures all your moans in his mouth, the new angle of his thrusts adding to the sloppiness of your wet kiss. The smack of his stuttering hips knocks against your clit in a way that has you seeing beyond, swallowed whole by his galaxy of stars as he gives you one last jerky thrust, teeth nipping at your bottom lip to undo you. Frayed at the seams, you come undone, unravelling in a mess that perfectly matches Jack as he quickly comes after you, coating your walls as your cunt spasms all around him as he rides out his high. 

Once Jack’s shallow thrusts grind to a halt, he slowly pulls out a heavy sigh, locking eyes with you as he runs a finger down your sensitive cunt just to get a shiver out of you. Your eyebrows knit, a flare of annoyance mixed in with fatigue written across your face that draws a humoured snicker from your boyfriend. He collapses down next to you, a kiss pressed against your cheek before you both aimlessly stare up at the ceiling. 

Amusement tugs at the corners of your lips. “You should get angry more often.” 

“I was just about to say the same thing.” agrees Jack, laughter making its home between you two as nothing but sweetness lingers in the air.

“Come on,” he urges, his hand nudging yours, body prying itself off your bed as he goes to stand. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” 

[ayyy-pee]

Discord 18+ - Twitter - JJK Masterlist

Pairing: Gojo Satoru x Female Reader

Summary: Every choice Satoru makes just seems to be digging himself into a deeper hole. But when it comes to you, he can’t seem to help himself.

Story Warning: Smut, Vaginal Sex, Toxic Behavior, Cheating, Protected Sex (wrap it up kids), Jealousy, Obsessive Behavior, Exes to Lovers (for a lil bit), Gojo is sprung on reader real bad, Dumb Stupid Idiot Satoru, Downbad Satoru

Gojo art by: Ilameys (used with permission)

Available to read on Ao3!

AN: Gojo has been eating my brain so I had to get something out. I've been obsessively listening to LIMBO by keshi and had it on repeat writing this (listen to it if you haven't!) Anyway, enjoy!

“Satoruuuuu,” an aggravating, whiny voice slurs. “Can you get me another drink pleaseeeee?”

“Hm? Oh, sure.”

Satoru rises from his seat on the couch, running his fingers through his silky white hair. He leaves his girlfriend to chat with her friends as he makes his way to the kitchen for yet another drink. Really, he should cut her off and take her home. She’s insufferable when she gets a drop of liquor in her, not that she’s any less annoying when she’s sober. All the whining, all the clinginess, all the slurring of his name as she wraps herself all around him. It used to be cute when they first started dating a year ago. Now it’s just suffocating. But Satoru sucks it up, though he’s not entirely sure why. Maybe because when she drinks, he doesn’t have to deal with actually trying to have a conversation with her. She’s a bit more tolerable after a few drinks. Annoying still, but less so.

He maneuvers through the crowd of the house party he’s currently attending. It’s packed, the scent of alcohol heavy in the air. Leave it to Suguru to go all out when he’s back in town. The guy invited practically everyone from their time in high school. Since arriving, Satoru’s already run into Mei Mei, Ino, Utahime (unfortunately) and surprisingly Nanami. There’s even students from the Ainu Technical School here. He had no idea Suguru even knew them. 

Regardless, Satoru is happy to see everyone. He stops every so often to chat with old classmates as he wanders towards the kitchen. Everyone seems to be doing well for themselves since graduating high school, which Satoru is glad for. No matter how life went, he always wished everyone well.

And life was good for Satoru, too. At 26 years old, he certainly couldn’t complain about much. He’d graduated from high school, gone to college, had a hell of a great time during his undergrad career, got himself a well paying cushy sales job. And he had a girlfriend that he…had been with for awhile. Life couldn’t be better for him.

So why did it always feel like something was missing?

Satoru enters the enormous kitchen and makes a beeline to the assortment of drinks lined along the built-in bar. Of course Suguru has a built-in bar in his kitchen with an array of pre-made cocktails to choose from. Always such a great host when he’s not traveling to clean up celebrity messes for his PR firm.

“Satoru!” A man’s voice sings behind him as an arm slings across his shoulders. 

“Haibara,” Satoru greets him. “Back for another drink?”

Satoru grabs one of the plastic party cups from the counter and pours one of the cocktails into it; something fruity and syrupy. He might’ve given it a try if the overwhelming smell of tequila didn’t burn his nostrils. He thinks of his girlfriend, knowing she will definitely feel like shit by the end of the night.

“Hm?” Haibara shakes his head, his raven hair whipping with the movement. “No way. One is enough for me. I have early practice tomorrow. Coach says my swing needs work, so not willing to fuck that up.” Ah right. Satoru had totally forgotten that Haibara played tennis professionally now. He nods, listening to his friend fill him in on what his plans for tomorrow are. Haibara’s wide brown eyes follow Satoru’s movements as he fills his cup. “You, though? I never see you drink at these things?”

Satoru shakes his head. “Not for me. For my girlfriend.”

Haibara’s signature, open-mouthed grin spreads wide across his face. “Oh! You’re still dating her? Wow. Good for you, man.”

Something about the surprise in Haibara’s tone takes Satoru aback, brows knitting at this. “Why’d you say it like that?”

Haibara crosses his arms, his smile melting away with a sigh. “I mean…” Haibara sighs your name quietly. “The two of you were together for a long time before you broke up after high school. We all thought you’d still be together, but if you could end that relationship, I’m just a little surprised you’re still with this one. That’s all. But if you’re happy...”

Just hearing your name on Haibara’s tongue has Satoru’s stomach twisting in knots. He hasn’t seen or spoken to you in years, something he’s been wanting to change for a long time but too cowardly to do so. 

Satoru nods, giving Haibara a weak smile. He can admit that his girlfriend was…not the least bit interesting, annoying and did little for him. But he enjoyed her company sometimes.

“Just don’t be surprised if one of us leaves with Y/N tonight, though,” Haibara jokes, throwing his head back with an obnoxious chuckle. 

What?

Satoru feels his heart leap into his throat as his crystalline eyes dart rapidly over every occupant in the kitchen, only seeing the familiar faces of his old classmates and a few strangers. There’s no sign of you. Maybe Haibara was just fucking with him. 

Satoru laughs to save face, albeit awkwardly. “Funny,” he mutters, staring down into the drink meant for his current girlfriend, though now his thoughts are only occupied with you.

“Hey man, I need to get back to my girl, so I’ll catch you later,” Satoru tells his old friend.

“Yeah, later! Hey!” Haibara calls out to him and Satoru turns briefly. “Let’s get together to play some time!”

“Yeah, sure. Text me!” Satoru calls back, waving as he exits the kitchen. Unlikely, but he appreciates the effort.

Satoru shoulders through the crowd again, carefully holding onto the red cup in hand so it doesn't spill. He takes his time getting back, a new goal in mind: find you. Are you actually here? Or was Haibara just trying to mess with him? His heart pounds hard in his chest as he moves, eyes scanning every face he sees.

It’s been seven long years since Satoru last spoke to you - his first real crush, his first real girlfriend, his first time. His first everything. He wonders if you’ve thought about him at all in this time. He’d be surprised if you did. Things didn’t exactly end well between you two.

......

Seven Years Ago

You and Satoru dated all through high school. Satoru, a star athlete, played many sports and you supported him through them all, cheering for him at every game and helping him with his practice. You two were inseparable. If you weren’t at Satoru’s place, he was at yours. The love was deep between you two and a promise was made that you’d always be together.

But life didn’t always happen the way you wanted. The joy and excitement of being accepted into your dream schools did not last long when you realized you’d be going to school thousands of miles away and oceans apart. It was the first time a true test of your relationship was presented. Satoru was staying in Japan for college while you were headed overseas. Could your relationship survive the distance?

The first few months apart weren’t so bad. Satoru was making friends, excelling at school and becoming quite popular. You were also busy with your new life and hobbies. You made time for each other when you could. But it wasn’t enough. The loneliness Satoru felt without you was all consuming and it was only a matter of time before he found himself sending fewer texts, calling less, absorbed in the newness of college life.

Satoru loved you so much, but he wasn’t an idiot. He knew the likelihood of a long distance relationship surviving was slim regardless of who it was. It wasn’t for lack of trying, but the trying part was becoming more burdensome than he wanted.

And it wasn’t as though you had done anything wrong. This feeling Satoru was experiencing was all on him. You made the effort to keep in touch, to call when you could. And you still wanted it to work. But if Satoru were honest, he just wanted to enjoy his time in school without the constant worry of pleasing someone who he never saw unless it was behind a screen. It was selfish of him, but he wanted to have fun. This was a new world and he wanted to be free to explore it.

So he ended things.

He’ll never forget the quiet sobs on the other end of the phone as he sat in silence after uttering the words, “I don’t think this is going to work out anymore”.

His heart ached listening to your hushed pleas for him to not do this, to not end things this way. But it was for the best. In the long run, you’d be happier. He’d be happier and what was that corny saying again?

If you love something, set it free? Satoru thinks that’s what he did that day.

And you were so upset. Rightfully so. You loved Satoru. You were each other’s first kiss, first times before you left for college, first loves. You’d quite literally given everything to each other. But Satoru couldn’t commit to you anymore. He didn’t want to. He wanted to enjoy college, live his life. It may be selfish of him, but he didn’t see it that way. It was his chance to grow. 

Even after all of your pleading, he stuck to his guns. It was torture, listening to you tearfully beg him not to do this to you. He had to end this.

So he told you he’d met someone else, that he couldn’t be with you anymore because there was another woman he wanted to be with. The stretch of silence was painful, Satoru quietly waiting to see if you had anything to add. The call ended with you hanging up in his face with only a choked sob as the last thing he’d heard. 

Adjusting to life without you proved difficult at first. Satoru isn’t embarrassed to admit he moped around campus for a while before he was able to start trying to move on. After that, the next few months of college were great. Satoru was Mr. Popular, quickly rising to the top of his collegiate sports team. He was the life of any party he went to, the center of attention wherever he went. 

Life should’ve felt perfect. 

But as the months passed, Satoru found his mind occupied with the thought of you at the worst times. 

While his professor discusses marketing strategies, Satoru’s mind wanders to you. 

What are you doing right now? 

When he’s at practice getting berated by the coach for poor blocking form, he knows he can’t tell him it’s because he’s distracted by the thought of you.

Who are you with? 

When he’s giving another girl his number at a party, planning to hook up later, he pushes back the memory of the first time he’d spoken to you. 

Where are you?

When he finds himself between another girl's legs that same night, he squeezes his eyes shut, picturing you and biting his tongue as he tries his best not to moan your name.

Do you still think about him?

The months soon stretch into a year and Satoru hopes this intense yearning he has for you will just fade away. He’s not so lucky. If anything, he thinks about you more. He checks your social media profiles to find you’ve removed him as a friend on everything. Of course you did. He ripped your heart in two. There was no way you’d allow him access back into your life. Your accounts are all private, so he can’t see anything and he’s not willing to ask a mutual friend about what you’ve been up to. It only makes him a little bit crazy that you’ve put up this wall between you two so he has no access to you. 

Another six months pass and Satoru works up the nerve to text you for the first time since you’d broken up. He hopes you’ll reply. It’s been more than a year. You can’t possibly still be upset, can you? He can admit that he could have handled the way he ended things better, sure. But if he can get past it, you can too, right?

You never respond.

More months pass by and soon another year. One late night, Satoru slips into his apartment after a failed hookup. He pulls his phone out, scrolling through his contacts to find your name. You didn’t reply to his last text. He doubts you’ll respond to this one, but he takes a deep breath and shoots off a message to you before he changes his mind.

Days later, you finally respond. You chat for a while, sending messages back and forth. Generic things, really. Just catching up. Until one night Satoru musters up the courage to call you.

“Hello?” You answer. There’s soft music in the background and Satoru wonders what you’re up to. Are you home? Maybe you’re relaxing and the music is on for background noise. Or maybe you’re with someone, listening to music to set the mood. There’s an unpleasant twist that forms in his stomach at the thought.

“Hey,” he says easily, though he can barely hear your voice over the rapid pounding of his heart. “I figured a phone call may be easier than just texting. What are you doing?”

“Oh, yeah, that makes sense.” He hears you shuffling around, then the quiet click of a door closing as the music fades out. “I’m actually at a friends for dinner.”

A friend. He wants to ask more about your friend, but he knows he has no right to that information anymore. 

“Sorry to interrupt your night,” he tells you, hoping his voice doesn’t betray how tense he is. His heart feels like it’s about to beat out of his chest.

“It’s fine. I have a couple minutes to spare.” You sound relaxed. Like speaking to Satoru doesn’t have the same effect on you as it does on him. Like talking to him is just like talking to anybody else. He knows it’s his own fault it’s this way, but it still stings. “Did you need something?”

You.

That’s what Satoru wants to say. More than anything, he wants to tell you that he wants you back, that he needs you back. He wants to tell you he made a mistake breaking up with you, that he’s so sorry. He wants to ask that you’ll please forgive him. 

Satoru wants to say he regrets his decision to call it quits. Wants to admit that he should have made more of an effort to make it work out and not have been so fucking weak. He wants to tell you that if you’re willing to give it another try he is, too.

That’s what he wants.

Because after everything, he still l–

“Satoru?” You repeat your question and Satoru realizes he’s let the silence hang in the air between you both for far too long.

“Oh, I jus–”

“Babe? Dinner’s ready. Do you want any wine with yours?” A deep voice cuts through the quiet and Satoru feels his heart drop hearing someone else call you by the name that was once meant for only his use. He hears soft shuffling and hushed whispers and a “sorry, I thought you were off the phone, babe. You were quiet–”

He can tell you’ve muted your phone. He can’t hear anything anymore. The looming silence makes Satoru want to hang up on you so he can swallow the bitterness he feels. So you had moved on, found someone else who gets to treat you the way Satoru should have. It’s fair. It’s been years since you two had broken up. You’d barely started speaking again. Of course you would find someone new. You were perfect and anyone would be an idiot to let you go. Much like Satoru was.

His thumb lingers over the end call button on his screen…and then you’re back just before he presses it.

“Sorry about that,” you breathe. “Anyway, did you need something, Satoru?”

“That your friend?” Satoru asks, ignoring your question completely. He can’t even pretend it’s not because he wants to know who the hell was calling you ‘babe’.

You clear your throat. “No, ah…that’s my boyfriend,” you finally tell him.

The silence falls over you again for a few seconds, Satoru trying to find his words. Again, it’s fair for you to date someone else. Satoru had ended things. He lost his right to be jealous when he did. And yet, against his better judgment, he leans into the bitterness he felt moments ago, forcing out a laugh. “Good! Oh, that’s good for you. Glad you found someone.”

“...Thanks?”

Satoru hums. “Yeah. I mean, glad we both moved on. I was actually worried when I was calling that you’d still be hung up on me or something.” He winces, but laughs awkwardly again. Knows he just shot himself in the foot. Maybe you’ll just laugh it off, take it as a bad joke.

“Yeah.” Your voice is clipped, short. “Okay, well, it was great catching up with you, Satoru. I have to go now.”

Fuck fuck fuck.

“Got it. Well, have fun at your din–”

The line goes dead.

Satoru tosses his phone to the side, throws himself back on his bed with a groan. 

“Idiot.”

You don’t return any more of his calls or texts.

......

Present

Satoru’s feet carry him through the crowd, conversation drifting through the air. He can hear Utahime yelling at Suguru and Satoru resists the damn near instinctual urge to turn towards the screeching so he can join Suguru in whatever antics set her off. It’s always funny seeing how red her face gets. He also hears the sounds of Shoko’s airy laugh as she catches up with Nanami and Ijichi. An odd group, he thinks, but Satoru doesn’t have time to dwell on it because he hears the sweet sound of your laugh and–

Wait.

He stops in his tracks, the drink in his hand sloshing with the abrupt halt. He turns his head to peer over the crowd, but he doesn’t see anything, doesn’t see you. Maybe his mind is playing tricks on him. There’s no way you’d actually be here. You’re overseas. At least, he thinks you may be overseas. That’s the last thing he knew about you for certain. Satoru’s not sure what you’re up to these days. He hasn’t asked, afraid of what the answer will be. He’s not sure he could handle knowing you’re potentially engaged or happily married. Hell, he’s not sure he could handle knowing if you’re dating someone. 

His piercing blue gaze finally lands on you and he realizes Haibara was actually not joking about someone potentially leaving with you tonight. Because you’re right there, off to the side of the crowd with some man, giggling at whatever he’s saying.

Satoru knows it’s you, even from a distance. He couldn’t mistake those beautiful eyes for anyone else's, the way they crinkle ever so slightly in the corners when you smile. He could never mistake those luscious, glossed lips he loved to kiss. You’re all smiles, as stunning as he remembers.

Everything keeps moving as time seems to stand still only for Satoru, his eyes never leaving you. And he knows he’s at this party with someone else. That’s what he should be focused on, but you’re all he cares about right now. His gaze locks onto your lips, following the curve of your smile, the way your tongue darts out just a bit to run along your bottom lip, the way those lips form your words. 

You may still hate him after all this time, but Satoru wants to talk to you. He almost wants to get just close enough for you to notice him. Maybe you’ll make the first move and talk to him.

‘What the fuck am I doing?’ He thinks, lips pursed in concentration.

He should get back to his actual girlfriend. He’s been gone for too long. She’s bound to come looking for him if he doesn’t get back to her soon. Yeah, he’ll just go back. Talking to you won’t be good for him anyway –

The man you’re speaking to leans forward, his lips moving to your ear and Satoru, with his eyes still glued to your lips, feels his blood boil as he watches them part with what he’s pretty sure is a sigh. When he sees your hand come up to lay on the other man’s arm, his nostrils flare with irritation. When you smirk at what the man is whispering, he feels his jaw tighten. And when the other man’s hand comes to land on your waist, Satoru’s feet move before he even realizes what he’s doing.

As he approaches, the man steps away, a slick grin on his face and you roll your eyes, shaking your head and giggling. Are you actually flirting with this guy? It’s only as he gets closer that Satoru can better make out who it is; poorly done bleach job, shitty eyeliner around his eyes, and too many ear piercings. It’s just Naoya Zenin. From what Satoru remembers, you hated that fucker all of high school.

Unless something’s changed and suddenly you’re into him? Is this who you’re dating now?

Satoru wants to be pissed, but this may work in his favor. If you could be on good terms with Naoya, who you absolutely despised for as long as you’d known him, then maybe you had room in your heart to forgive him for being such a piece of shit to you all those years ago.

Your eyes drift over to Satoru as he approaches you both. And you hardly react, only offering him a small smile before your attention drifts back to Naoya. And though a tiny curve of your lips is something, the lack of a reaction kind of annoys the shit out of him.

“Hey,” Satoru greets, mainly directed towards you because fuck Naoya.

“Hi, Satoru.” You fold your arms over your chest, eyes coming back to meet his. God, you’re as pretty as Satoru remembers you being. This close to you, Satoru can see how much you’ve changed. And time has been very good to you. You’re still beautiful in the youthful way Satoru remembers, but you’re grown now. His eyes trail down your frame quickly, drinking in the way you’ve filled out.

“Gojo…” Naoya says with clear disdain in his voice.

“Zenin.”

And it’s quiet now. Awkward. But it doesn’t matter to Satoru. His eyes are only on you.

You pull your gaze away from Satoru and back to Naoya.

“You look great,” Satoru tells you, sipping the drink meant for his girlfriend to keep himself from potentially following up with something stupid. He grimaces slightly at the taste before trying to cover it with a lopsided grin.

And you give him the same grin back, a little shy. It’s cute.

“Thanks, Satoru. You look good, too.”

“I didn’t know you were back in town.”

“Yeah, I’ve been back for a few months now. Just settling back in and working,” your brows knit together as you lean to the side to glance around Satoru. “I’m surprised Suguru didn’t tell you since I just had lunch with him like two days ago.”

He realizes you must be looking for Suguru when you straighten your stance again. Deep in his mind, Satoru makes a mental note to have a word with Suguru about this later. Next to him, Naoya snorts and Satoru has to resist saying something that will surely end with them in a fight. You must sense the tension because you ask Naoya if he can grab you a drink which prompts an eye roll from him, but he goes anyway. 

“Doubt he’ll be back,” you mutter to Satoru with a smirk. “That asshole wants to hook up so bad it’s pathetic,” a soft chuckle rushes past your lips.

“Not interested, then?” Satoru jokes, a smile spread across his face.

You narrow your eyes, “Ha ha. You know I hate that guy. He won’t be back anyway. No way he’s gonna waste time getting a drink for someone who isn’t fucking him at the end of the night.”

If you weren’t still watching Naoya push his way through the crowd of partygoers, you may have seen Satoru visibly deflate.

“Ah, good to know you haven’t lowered your standards,” Satoru says and you laugh. The sound makes Satoru’s head spin. It’s been so long since he’s heard it.

“I don’t think my standards could ever be low enough to fuck Naoya,” you clarify, nose crinkling in disgust. Satoru chuckles at your reaction, watching as you shift uncomfortably before him. You fidget with the hem of your dress before you speak again.

“It’s actually really good to see you, Satoru.”

“Is it really?”

“Yeah, I’ve been meaning to reach out for a while. Life just got away from me.”

Satoru’s brows lift in surprise. “Reach out for what?” Your eyes are boring into his, wide and surveying, peering into his soul. Just the way they always did. 

“I just felt like things left off on such a sour note with us. And you reached out trying to build a friendship and at the first sign of things getting weird, I just…ran. Didn’t look back. You were trying and I wasn’t. You didn’t deserve that.”

He knows you’re referring to the last time you’d spoken, though he’s not sure why you’re the one trying to apologize.

“And I just wanted to say I’m sorry for being a terrible friend to you.”

You always were way too sweet to him. He didn’t deserve that.

“I should be apologizing to you,” Satoru shakes his head. “I was still jealous back then. When I said I was worried you were still hung up on me, it’s because I was trying to cover up the fact that I was still hung up on you. Hearing your boyfriend call you babe–”

“Ex-boyfriend,” you interrupt, a soft smile gracing your features. Satoru smirks.

“Hearing your ex-boyfriend call you babe, it just…made me feel a lot of things I didn’t understand at the time. I shouldn’t have said what I did to set you off. I’m sorry.”

It’s only been a few minutes of you talking and it already feels like a weight has been lifted, like the wall you put up all those years ago has come down. You both must look strange, just standing off in the corner alone staring and smiling at each other like you’re the only two people in the room. 

You talk a bit more, catch up on life. It doesn’t take long for things to feel comfortable between you two again - for your bodies to move a little closer, for your eyes to meet more often, for your shy touches to linger a little longer.

You’ve got your hand wrapped around Satoru’s forearm, snickering at something he’s said. And when you glance up at him, there’s something in your eyes telling him it’s okay to ask this. Because Satoru is happy to know you’re not interested in Naoya, even happier to know you’ve broken up with your college boyfriend, but what he wants to know now is –

“Are you seeing anyone? Dating, I mean,” He asks while he still has the nerve and tries not to let his eyes fall to your mouth when you shake your head and draw your lower lip between your teeth. 

“Nope, single and just enjoying life honestly. You?”

Yes.

“Me?” Satoru asks.

Say yes, stupid.

You nod. “Yeah, you. Are you with someone?”

Yes. Yes.

“Uhh, well…”

YES.

The voice in his head is screaming the answer, the one he knows he should give you. The one that would confirm to Satoru that even after everything he’s done, he’s not a shitty person, not a terrible boyfriend. But when he looks at you, eyes shining up at him with those pretty lips curled into a smirk, he doesn’t want anything more than to be with you.

God, he’s such a piece of shit. He knows it. He’s not even thinking about his girlfriend still sitting around waiting for him to come back. He’s got tunnel vision and the only thing he sees is you.

Say yes!

“I…am not…with someone.”

......

The door to Suguru’s master bathroom slams shut, your back pressed against it as Satoru’s lips find your neck, licking a long strip from your collarbone up to your chin. 

“Ah- Toru, the door. Lock the door,” you gasp, threading your fingers into his soft tresses to pull him down for a kiss. His fingers fumble around before he finds the lock, quickly turning before he breaks the kiss to focus on your neck again, kissing and sucking, marking anywhere he can. Your hands move to glide underneath his shirt, fingers grazing over his defined muscles and you sigh just as Satoru moves away from your neck to press his lips against yours.

Soft. So soft. It’s been so long since Satoru’s had you like this. He’d forgotten your taste, your smell and right now, it feels like he can’t get enough. Fuck the liquor, he’s drunk on you.

“Can I touch you?” Satoru breathes against your mouth. And you nod, kissing him again. He groans as your lips part, tongue slipping out to glide against his lips, seeking entry. And he obliges, gives you all the access you want as your tongues tangle together. You moan into his mouth, the sound shooting straight to his cock.

The dress you’re wearing is nice, simple but fits your body beautifully. Satoru can’t wait to get underneath it. He reaches down, pulling the hem of your dress up until it’s sitting at your waist. He slips his hand into your panties, hissing when he feels how soaked you are.

“So wet for me,” Satoru whispers into the kiss. “You want me that bad, baby?”

You nod, panting hard. “Yeah, so bad, Satoru,” you moan when his fingers glide through your slick fold, back arching off the door. “Fuck, I want you so bad.”

“I’m yours, baby.”

His lips crash into yours again, fingers working tight circles against your clit. You cry out, your hands balling into fists as you cling to Satoru’s shirt. He breaks the kiss, pressing his face into your neck as one of his fingers finds your entrance, plunging in slowly. Your mouth opens with a gasp as Satoru pumps into you, curling his finger until he finds your sweet spot.

He pulls back, watches your face as he slips another finger inside. He likes the way your legs shake when he turns his fingers a certain way. And the way your back arches off the door when he presses his thumb to your clit. It’s all new to him, these reactions you’re giving. You were a lot younger when you’d first become intimate. Now, it’s clear you’re much more experienced. The thought bothers and excites Satoru.

He pulls his fingers from your core, kissing you when you poke your lip out in a pout. And then he’s bending you over the bathroom sink, pushing your dress even higher before he slips his fingers in the waistband of your panties and pulls them down.

“Fuck, I never thought I’d see you like this again,” he groans, palming himself through his pants.

“Toru, stop wasting time and fuck me, please.”

You’re a lot more demanding now too, apparently. He doesn’t mind.

“Did you miss me?” Satoru asks, because he’s dying to know. Did you think about him when you were with your boyfriend? Were you trying not to cry out Satoru’s name when you fucked him? Did you want him back as much as he wanted you?

Satoru unbuttons his jeans, pulls his pants and boxers down together, hissing as his cock springs free. He’s so fucking hard, he could cum just looking at you bent over the sink like this. But Satoru wants to savor you, wants to enjoy this moment of having you again for the first time in so long. He reaches over and pulls open one of the bathroom drawers, fishing around until he finds a condom and he mentally thanks Suguru for always being prepared.

“Tell me,” he demands, wrapping a hand around his length. He strokes himself lazily as he rips the condom open. He rolls the condom down his length, lining himself up with your entrance. “Did you miss me?”

You’re so patient, waiting quietly for Satoru. Although, he can hear your breathing becoming a little harsher in anticipation. Satoru moves behind you, lines himself up with your entrance and just before he’s about to roll his hips forward, he glances up to see his reflection in the mirror with you bent over and ready for him.

“Look at me,” he says. You look up, watching him through the reflection. Even in the dim lighting of the bathroom, Satoru can see your pupils blown wide with lust matching his own. He wants to see you, wants to see your face when you take him for the first time in so long.

“Look at me,” he tells you again.

“Okay,” you breathe.

“Tell me you missed me,” Satoru quietly demands as he pushes forward, sliding the tip through your folds and sinking in slowly.

“Fuuuuuuck,” your mouth falls slack with a moan. Satoru’s hands find your waist, holding your curves as he sinks into you. “I missed you, Toru. So much, so fucking much.”

“God, baby, you have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to hear you say that.”

He’s halfway in and he has to stop to catch his breath because hearing you moan his name like that…He may not make it all the way in without blowing his load right into the condom. You’re suffocating him, clenching onto his cock so hard he’s almost afraid to move.

“Satoru, please. Don’t stop,” you plead. He meets your gaze in the mirror again, sees the way your eyes burn with desire. Satoru pulls his hips back until only his tip sits inside you and then he rolls his hips forward, burying himself as deep in your cunt as he can.

Your walls clench down on his cock and he moans again before he starts to move, pounding into you at an unrelenting pace. You cry out his name and he keeps moving, not letting up.

Satoru brings a hand around your neck, holding your head in place so he can look at you through the mirror. He sinks into you, bending down to kiss along your neck, your shoulders, your back as he bottoms out again and again, moaning his pleasure against you.

Satoru thinks you feel like heaven. It’s the only thing he can think when he leans back and grips on to your waist again, watching your face contort in ecstasy. Every little sound you make, every moan, every sigh, every “right there” you utter brings Satoru closer and closer to his release. 

Satoru has missed you. He’s missed the way your skin feels against his, missed the way your breath hitches in your throat when his cock hits just the right spot, missed touching and grabbing the soft curves of your beautiful body. Missed how your ass bounces with each thrust, cheeks spreading just enough to give him a glimpse of that tight little hole he’s never gotten the chance to have. And god, he hopes no one else has either. 

More than anything though, he’s missed the way you take all of him, hug him tight like you never want to let him go. Fuck, he could live inside you and never get tired of it. The thought alone, the thought of having you all to himself again has him leaning forward, moaning into the space between your shoulders as he rocks his hips against you. The loud smacking noises of Satoru’s groin meeting your ass echo throughout the bathroom, and he doesn’t care who hears. 

“Fuuuck, how are you so fucking tight, still?” Satoru groans, reminiscing on the first time he’d ever had you. An out of body experience for him, personally. Truly unforgettable.

“I’m never letting you go again,” he grunts, feeling your walls begin to flutter around him.

“Toru, I’m close,” you whimper. “So close, Toru, don’t stop.”

“Cum for me baby,” Satoru groans, hand sliding down your side to find your center again. He rubs tight circles on your clit, eyes rolling to the back of his head when he feels your pussy squeeze down on him as you cry out his name, your release crashing over you.

It’s so tight, so fucking tight Satoru thinks he might pass out. He can’t breathe, can’t think, can’t fucking see straight, you’re gripping him so hard.

“Ah- fuck, oh fuck! I’m gonna cum. Baby, I’m gonna cum,” he grits out as he pushes his cock all the way inside you, thrusting as deep as he can go as hot spurts of cum fill the condom. He leans forward, pressing his forehead against your back as you both catch your breath.

Satoru meant what he said. He never wants to let you go. He has every intention of being with you. After you’ve both come down from your highs and cleaned up, Satoru kisses you gently. He watches as you turn back to the mirror. You’re even more beautiful as you tame your messy hair, fix your makeup and adjust your dress. 

“Do you wanna get out of here?” He asks, ready to make up for years worth of lost time.

Your eyes meet in the mirror, your lips tilting with a small smile. “Yeah, let’s go.”

......

Fingers laced, you and Satoru weave through the party together. The crowd seems to have thinned out now with how late it’s getting. It’s the perfect time to get out of here with you, take you home and –

“Satoru! There you are!” A familiar voice squeals. The sound makes Satoru quickly yank his hand from your grip. You stop in your tracks, brows furrowing as you look up at him.

“What’s the matter?” You ask just as this person you don’t know bounds up to him and wraps her arms around Satoru’s neck, pressing a sweet kiss to his cheek before she lets go.

And Satoru isn’t sure how he hasn’t noticed this before. It seems like some sick twist of fate that it’s only now that you’re standing next to each other that he sees how eerily similar you and his girlfriend look. It makes his stomach churn.

But his girlfriend, so drunk and so sweet, turns to you and beams as she holds out her hand to you. “Hi! I don’t think we’ve met before. I’m Satoru’s girlfriend…” His stomach nearly drops into his ass. “...you are?”

God, he wishes he could teleport out of here. Or that the ground would open wide and swallow him whole, bury him 8,000 meters beneath the earth. Anything to avoid being present at this moment. He peers down at you briefly, your hand extending to shake his girlfriends for only a second. And Satoru thinks he may be imagining it, the sheer anger he can feel radiating off of your body, even as you return his girlfriend’s sweet smile.

“Satoru’s girlfriend?” You ask and he knows you’re making sure you aren’t hearing things. Because not too long ago, he told you he wasn’t tied down to anyone. “I wasn’t aware he was dating anyone.”

“Yep! Been together almost a year now,” she brags cheerily. Satoru really wishes she’d shut up for once in her damn life.

You breathe out a bitter laugh, gazing up at Satoru and he knows he’s not imagining the rage. He can see it swimming in your eyes even as you reach up, your thumb gently swiping the corner of his mouth where apparently remnants of your lip gloss remained. You hold your finger up to show him and then hold it up to show his girlfriend who five seconds ago was too drunk to notice. She seems to have sobered up quickly now, eyes focused on the lip gloss you just wiped from Satoru’s face.

You introduce yourself to her, wiping your thumb off on your dress before continuing, “And I’m sorry to tell you this, but I’m the girl who just fucked your lying boyfriend in the bathroom.”

Satoru watches in ill disguised horror as you crane your next to the side, gesturing to the marks he so stupidly made along your neck in the heat of passion. His eyes find his girlfriend who stands there, mouth agape.

“Satoru told me he wasn’t seeing anyone. If I had known it wouldn’t have happened. And believe me, it won’t ever happen again.” You turn to face Satoru one last time, gritting out, “I can’t fucking believe you. After all these years, you’re still such a piece of shit, Satoru.”

You don’t wait for a response from him, turning on your heel and storming through the crowd. Satoru watches as your back retreats, not sure what the hell he’d say even if he did catch up to you. How could he explain that he lied about his girlfriend because he wanted to spend more time with you? It’s not like he planned on fucking in the bathroom, it just happened. But there was no way you were going to give him a second of your time to try and explain.

There was no coming back from this.

When he finally loses sight of you in the crowd, Satoru reluctantly brings his gaze back down to his probably soon to be ex-girlfriend and is met with a fury similar to yours. Again, the similarities are uncanny. All the love and happiness once shining in her eyes is nowhere to be found as one question hangs in the air between them.

“Satoru, what the fuck is she talking about?”

AN: OOF, let me know what you think!

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[mellowwillowy]

I NEED TO TELL A YANDERE BLOG ABOUT THIS NSFW HEADCANON I HAVE-

Imagine a yandere that bought one of those super high quality sex dolls and dresses it up as you with stolen clothes and puts a wig on to match your hair color, etc, used it constantly calling out your name, etc

Also imagine you finDING IT- oml

- ☀️anon

☀️ nonnie you beeg brained :D

ᴡʜᴏꜱᴇ ʟɪꜰᴇ-ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴅᴏʟʟ? (ɢɴ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ)

♥ warnings — general yandere warnings, reader is a dom? and yan is a subby... doll and yan wears lingerie, degradations toward yan, sub-dom, worship - Master play, slapping and mention of sounding.

—𝒀𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒐𝒃𝒆𝒓 - 𝑳𝑰𝒇𝑬 𝑷𝒓𝒐𝒋𝒆𝒄𝒕 𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒕, ʙʟᴜᴇ

By just dressing this silicone doll in the correct wig, outfits, and makeup and dousing it with perfume, he gets to practice all his fantasies on it. It almost looks like you now, especially with how accurately it's dressed since it is indeed your clothes that he stole. He does enjoy dressing it up with the type of outfits you wouldn't usually wear.

All is great but not the best.

Why? It's not you after all. It's just some silly expensive doll that is dressed to look like you to satiate his needs. Nonetheless, what's better than 0? 1. And that is this doll, a 1/100.

It's mostly used for menial stuffs such as a morning bed buddy, a company for breakfast and a company for when he's sat in front of the computer for a long time, alone.

But when night falls?

"Fuck–, be good." He grunts as he slams his cock into the doll, mindlessly calling out your name like some sort of prayer, eyes rolling to the back of his head. The doll is totally abused by him every night, dressed in countless themed outfits.

"Yeah, yeah, gonna cum, gonna paint you white from the inside fuck-!"

His pace grows erratic, breath raggier and tongue lolling out like a dog. He's already on cloud nine over a doll, what will it be if he's fucking the real deal instead?

"Ah- fuck, gonna cum-!"

The sound of beeping suddenly rings, cutting his panting in half as his eyes are trained toward the door.

Beep. Clack.

"Hey Blue, brought ya' the goods.... s...?"

Your eyes go up and down. Him, naked with a doll beneath him, his cock buried inside the doll, shielding your eyes from it. Hand tugging on the wig of your hairstyle and the clothes you thought you had somehow lost lying on the floor, not to mention the whole room smells like you!

"Uhh... am I supposed to... knock or ring the doorbell from now on?" You motion toward the door as you try to avert your gaze toward somewhere else. Ah yes, the framed photo of you two looks good on the cabinet.

"Wa-wait, wait, don't, I mean, stay! I mean, go-! Arghh..." Blue stutters as he pulls out, his hardened cock now on display for you to see. So he is a grower...?

"Listen, I mean, fuck, look anywhere but me!" Blush creeps into his face as he wraps the blanket around his waist, striding toward you in panic.

"I got ya' the lemonade and uh..." You fail. Your eyes are just a pair of curious souls, looking at how his bulge is seen poking through the blanket.

"... shitfuck. Never knew ya' a grower"

"This is no time for joke..."

"You want the awkwardness to die down or nah pal?"

Blue stays silent for a moment before crouching down in annoyance. He should have just chainlocked the damn door today!

"Been wondering why I've been missing some of my clothes and undies, ya' into stealing or just broke?"

His cock is supposed to be limp by now but it's not. It's twitching from your last words. What has gotten into his head?

"And that lingerie? Oo... never knew yer' a kinky one." Your foot nudges his shin before his bulging cock, giving it a rub. Blue shudders from the contact, falling backward on the butt while the blanket slips from his waist, revealing his aching cock that is leaking precum.

"Fucking masochistic aren't ya?"

You straddle him as you place the plastic bag down onto the floor, knee pressed against his bulge while your tongue licks his sweat from his face, hand slowly taking the glasses off his face, is this prescribed spectacle?

"My pretty boy."

You walk toward the bed and sit on it, your eyes trained on the naked doll, it looks almost like you, thumbs up for him for sure. You beckon him closer with your finger, and so he does.

"Would love to see you dressed in lingerie instead, come on, do a favor for me yeah doll?"

Blue gulps as he nods, slowly undressing the doll before wearing it himself, the size doesn't really fit him but it's manageable. His cock twitches every now and then as you watch his figure.

"Lovely, isn't it?"

"U-unh..."

"Did you pick this lingerie while thinking how it'll look like if it's wrapped around my body? How the color will suit me... how easy the access would be for you to just..." You sandwich his cock with your feet, rubbing it up and down, "feel me like I'm doing to you right now?"

Blue shakes as he moans out, his knees slowly turning into jellies. He needs you, to feel you all over. And so he pleads, "Please..."

You raise your eyebrows, "Please what?"

"Please... do me... yeah?"

You smack his cock with your foot, "Is that how you are supposed to talk to your Master?"

Blue gulps before kneeling down, his lip moving to your foot pressing kisses on it while occasionally licking it, "Please, Master." You try your best to bite your excitement back, eyes swirling in lust as you focus on the lovesick mutt in front of you. You'll collar him later but for now, he is your doll, yours to toy with just like how he's been toying with this doll.

"Come," You pat your thigh, "Let me feel that cheek of yours."

Blue nods and brings his face closer to yours, you can feel his breath fanning you. Your finger pokes his cheek before it turns into a palm that feels his cheek, hard. You slap him.

"Be good, else I'll fucking squeeze a pipe down your cock."

Blue shivers from the idea of sounding. That would totally feel so good, right? His cock starts leaking even more pre-cum, spoiling your thigh with the white liquid.

"Fucking mutt in heat. Why not rut yourself with my thighs?"

It only takes that for Blue to raise your legs by the ankles, his cock in between your thighs as he ruts himself in and out, panting like a dog in heat. You pinch him in response to his action, too bad you couldn't reach his nipple.

"Fucking slut." You rip the lacy lingerie as you claw him, nails digging into his hips, "Gonna fucking chew your cock off later until it's minced."

Blue's cock twitches again from your words, pace even more erratic now. "Please do so!" He is close, you can see it. But he knows better than to come before you allow him to first. "Please, please, please, lemme cum? Need one out so bad, hurts so much."

"Ah? Do I look like I care?" You scowl at him for pulling one of your legs away from him, kicking him by his shoulder, "Fucking mutt, go hold that until your balls are as good as blue and I wouldn't even care."

Blue whimpers at your words but his excitement only grows even more, it only pushes him even further from his limit.

"Please, please, please I beg you. Please..." He begs as he rubs his face against your foot, peppering it with kisses and licks, "Please let me come, just one word I'm all done, please..."

You sneer at him before kicking his face lightly, "Give me a twirl."

He twirls. "Show me how needy your cock is." He shows it to you, lifting the veil for a clearer view. "A striptease for me." He strips, eyes never leaving yours until you suddenly jerk him off, "Good boy... come on." You rub him even faster, his hip bucking toward you for a better angle, "Come, my pretty doll."

Rope of cum soils your feet not afterward, your name rings in the room as he pants, trying to grasp reality after how cum-dazed he was. You rub your spoiled feet against his pelvis, soiling it with his cum as well.

"Come," You open your arms wide for him to dive his face into your neck. You kiss his ear as you caress his hair, muttering praises at him.

"Wanna try the real deal now?"

[kamaluhkhan]

BAD REPUTATION

PRIDE — part iii of we'll write sins not tragedies

pairing: luke castellan x nemesis! reader (afab) word count: 275 summary: luke will do just about anything to keep his title as truth or dare champion. warnings: nothing other than young adult shenanigans (drinking, suggestive dialogue, impulsive decisions etc. etc.) author's note: i had this idea floating around in my brain this past week and it ended up being MUCH shorter than i expected?? anyways, the next part is probably going to be much longer and angstier (and smuttier) so.....hope u enjoy this in the meantime x

♪ "bad reputation" by joan jett & the blackhearts

when the game starts — after curfew, of course, with some contraband alcohol — stakes are relatively low. 

stealing a bottle of vintage wine from mr. d's cellar. choosing who to fuck, marry, or kill between hercules, achilles, and theseus. revealing that malcolm pace was the best kiss ever had.

"other than you," luke specifies when you mumble something about the son of athena stealing your thunder. he pulls you into his lap and wraps an arm around your waist for good measure.

a few truths and several dares later, is when things start to get interesting. 

"no way in tartarus am i doing that." 

"i think it's kinda romantic," silena swoons, batting her eyelashes.

clarisse groans. "lena, i don't care what it is, it's stupid to get a tattoo on a dare." 

"or, you're just too much of a coward to go through with it."

"ha! well, if you're such a daredevil, castellan, then why don't you do it? biting's more your couple style, anyways."

and that's how you find yourself in some dingy tattoo parlor, about to sink your teeth into your boyfriend's flesh, covered by a thin layer of plastic wrap (no infections here). your friends are all waiting outside the room, buzzing to see the results of this latest challenge, as the tattoo artist prepares their station.

"you sure about this, tiger?" 

"of course." luke smirks. "i've got a reputation to uphold."

the next day, luke, reigning champ of truth or dare, rolls up the sleeve of his camp half-blood tshirt, just to show off the bitemark on his bicep. your bitemark, engraved on his skin forever.

some campers whisper about how badass and sexy luke's new tattoo looks.

 you can't help but agree.

[howlingday]

Growth

"I've done it, Ren~!"

"Done what, Nora?" The young man in green asked as he looked over his notes on his desk. He didn't spare to glance in her direction, since the odds of her being in his face would have been greater than zero.

"I've perfected my love potion!" She cheered, right next to his ear. "And I didn't even have to break out the cauldron this time!"

A sense of relief washed over Lie Ren's body. He wouldn't be stuffed in to bubbling antacid medicine mixed with whatever garnishes Nora stole from the cafeteria. Still, he was curious why Nora wouldn't be using the cauldron, so he looked away from his notes and saw the plastic bottle in Nora's hand.

"Now I just need a test subject!" Nora held the bottle close to her, glancing around the room, then slowly honing in on her partner. "Oh, Reeee-"

"Hello, again~!" Pyrrha sang as she entered the room. "We're back from our workout-"

"Pyrrha! Drink this!"

"Um," Pyrrha shoved the bottle and Nora's arms out of her chest, "why?"

"Because, uh..." Nora wracked her brain for an answer.

"It's a love potion." Ren answered for her.

"No, thank you." Pyrrha stepped away this time.

"What?! No!" Nora scoffed, arms still outstretched. "It's not a love potion, it's, uh... a sports drink! For you!"

"Oh, thanks, Nora! I appreciate it."

The bottle was suddenly gone from the girl's hands. There was a sense of pride in her clever lie. Except Pyrrha's voice sounded different when she thanked him. If anything, it sounded more like-

"Jaune?!" Nora looked to her leader, who had brought the now empty bottle away from his lips.

"Mm, not bad." Jaune admitted. "I think I like The Power Ups more."

Then the changes began. It went mostly unnoticed until Jaune turned around to respond to a student who'd called out to him. As he turned his body around, his team noticed that his body didn't exactly change shape, especially in the butt area. Jaune's butt had swollen to a size like two basketballs were being kept inside his shorts.

"Jaune!" Pyrrha grabbed her partner by his wrist and dragged him inside. As she did, the swelling grew down his legs to his feet. Not only did his leg muscles have abs, but his feet grew feet, too! Feet as in inches, that is, not that they grew their own fee-

Anyway, not everything swelled, because his gut had shriveled away, then expanded into individual ab muscles. Of course, they could only see these abs because his shirt began to shrink over his growing barrel chest.

"Something wrong, Pyrrha?" He asked, looking down at her. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Are you?!" Pyrrha looked him up and down, then up and down again, then up and down again, then- She slapped herself.

"Whoa, whoa! Pyrrha! Don't do that!" Jaune said, unaware his voice dropped an octave or six. His massive, meaty hand gingerly rubbed against where she'd struck herself. "Is everything okay, Pyrrha? You know you can tell me anything."

"Ah... Buh... Duh..."

"I'll get you an ice pack." Jaune stepped away, walking quickly to the mini-fridge. His massive arms almost ripped the door off it's hinges, making him wince. "Sorry! I'll, uh, get that later." As he came back, he stopped for a moment. "Hey, uh, is it just me, or did you guys get smaller?"

"More like you got bigger!" Nora shouted excitedly.

"Aw, thanks, Nora!" He grabbed a towel, then wrapped it around the ice pack. "I have been working out. Right, Pyrrha?"

Pyrrha couldn't respond. She couldn't feel the ice pack wrapped in the towel pressed to her head, but she could feel the kindness it came with. Jaune's mighty mitts were almost as big as her head, but she felt safe as they held her. She was smaller than him, and yet she felt no danger in his presence. She started sinking into them, while a fire started burning too uncomfortably in her heart.

"Jaune, go take a shower right now!" She shouted.

"Oh, sorry!" He backed away, and her body nearly followed. "I probably smell like a... like a... Well, like something that smells bad."

As he fled to the bathroom, there was a loud crash, followed by a soft. "Sorry!"

"So, uh, what happened to Jaune?" Nora asked.

"You made the potion, Nora." Ren answered.

"Yeah, for girls! Me, specifically!"

"Then why did you want me to drink it?" Pyrrha asked, pulling the ice pack from the towel.

"So I knew it would be safe for me to drink it, duh!"

"What if it wasn't safe for me, then?!" Pyrrha balked.

"Oh, come on, you're Pyrrha Nikos! I doubt anything could beat you, especially not a little Bimbo Potion."

The room went quiet.

"A what?"

"Oh... Right, I, uh... I forgot that you weren't supposed to learn that."

"Nora," Ren began, "what does a bimbo potion do?"

"It, uh, makes you into a bimbo?"

"What do you mean it makes you into a bimbo?" Pyrrha was dangerously near Nora.

"Well, uh," Nora nervously chuckled, "it, uh, makes you way hotter. Y'know, makes your boobs and your butt all bwoomp!" She made Cs with her arms. "Makes you crazy strong, which would be scary for me."

"What else?" Ren asked, putting an arm between Nora and Pyrrha, the latter of the two with death in her eyes. "Are there any negative side-effects?"

"Well, there is one side-effect." Nora quietly answered. "In order to make your body bigger, some things have to get smaller. Like your brain."

"HIS BRAIN IS SHRUNK?!" Ren tried his best, but Pyrrha was obviously too strong to stop her from grabbing Nora and lifting her into the air.

"N-Not physically, just, y'know, smartly!"

Ren looked to the fridge door, then winced as he heard another crash from the bathroom. Again, a voice called out to them, soft but no less sincere. "Sorry!"

"So he's clumsier now."

"When do the effects wear off?" Ren asked.

"Um... Well..." She then mumbled.

"WHEN?" Pyrrha pressed Nora into the door, the metal bending around her. Nora gave a sigh.

"I don't know when the effects will wear off. We might have our big, strong, dummy leader forever."

[letsgetrowdy43]

An Unexpected Surprise ☆—

Here have a Littlest Hughes thought that has been bouncing around in the back of my brain for the past two days :)

Au Masterlist!!

As I've stated before Honey and Quinn had a shotgun wedding when they learned about their unexpected pregnancy.

Now picture this, Honey knows something is off with her body, she just has this gut instinct that something isn't right so she takes a test secretly. The moment the positive sign appears on the little plastic stick her heart is in the pit of her stomach, so many things bouncing around in her head.

They live in a small apartment, where's the baby gonna play? She now needs to look into the Canadian maternity leave policy. What about Quinn and roadies, she's barely got any support without him, how is she gonna do it alone? Are they even ready for this responsibility? She knows Quinn wanted to be a younger dad, but was he willing to do it this early? She's just standing in their bathroom absolutely spiralling.

Quinn hears the gasp that leaves her mouth as she stands quietly in their shared bathroom. Brows furrowed he makes his way into the bathroom to see her frozen in shock with a positive test in her hands, he reaches forward to gently take it from her, his face stuck in a state of worry as he places it back down on the bathroom counter and leaves without saying a word.

Tears start to form in Honey's eyes as Quinn exits the bathroom wordlessly, an unreadable look on his face as he just walks out. So she's stuck there contemplating everything, but unwilling to chase after him, knowing he might need a moment to collect himself. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she re-read the box to ensure she did everything correctly, to make sure it wasn't just a false positive.

Quinn walked back in silently again, but this time he looks a bit more emotional, his hand finding hers and making him look at her. "Sorry, I just needed to grab something," he whispers as she collapses right into his chest, her hands desperately gripping his shirt as he holds her for a second.

"I need to give you something," he mumbled into the crown of her head as she pulled away from him, mascara all over her face as her hands flatten out his shirt that she wrinkled, in his hands was his great-grandmother's engagement ring, an oval-shaped emerald sat on the gold band as he got down on his knee. "Please don't propose to me just cause I'm pregnant," she whispered helplessly as her fingers ran through his messy hair. "I'm not I promise, I had this big elaborate plan put together, our parents would be there, our brothers, it was nice," he shrugged, "but I saw the test, and just felt like I couldn't wait another second without it on your finger, cause we are us, Quinn and Honey, and we are meant to be. You are my forever, and now the mother of my baby, so I just think the world would feel wrong if I waited another minute with this thing just sitting in my hockey bag," he said it like a confession, a shy smile of his face as she wiped her tears.

"Please stand up so I can kiss you, and you can put the ring on me" she mumbled, her hands squeezing his shoulder. "You have to say yes first Hun," a smirk danced on his lips as she rolled her eyes. "Of course, it's a yes," she said sweetly as he slipped the ring onto her finger, standing up and crashing his lips into hers, a hand guiding her face to his as her hands wrapped around his neck.

She pulled away momentarily, "I love you" she mumbled against him, a sickly sweet smile on her face as his face dipped down to kiss her jaw, neck, and then collarbone before pulling away to finally look her in the eyes, "we're getting married," she said, kissing his cheek. "We are gonna be parents" he grinned as his hand on her hip slid to touch her stomach.

-

-

-

[crow2222]

I’m having brain rot and now it’s your problem too. Darry is always described as being big and all during the book? I feel like he’d be just a tad bit (a shit ton) insecure abt it, and whoever you ship him with gets him this absolutely MASSIvE blanket to make him feel better, so the gang just finds this giant ass blanket on the floor, and Steve, the dumbass, tries to dive into it but just slams into Darry, who’s hiding in it like a little gremlin. Anyways Steve learns the hard way that it was a very bad idea, and is now actively avoiding Darry.

okay so I've thought about how to write this for a while (anon would know.. bc this ask is pretty old and i am so sorry)

WC; 470 words, written from Steve's pov.

"You lyin' sack of dung. I won fair and square!" The keys in the car twisted in my hold, and I took them out as we exited Darry's truck. We had borrowed it for the day, with the promise that we'd do the shopping for him. Of course we had done it, but not without using the handy skills Two-bit had once taught us for a couple of chocolate bars.

My best friend scoffed loudly, so loud infact, that I thought it was cough instead. "Steve you had cards in your pocket, I saw it." Sodapop aimed for my head, but my knees went down before I processed what was happening; dodging the plastic bag that flashed white above me.

I got back up, dusting off the dirt on my freshly washed jeans, making sure to complain to my buddy about it as well. "Well if you didn't cheat me out of my cigarettes, I wouldn't have done that." He opened both doors with his foot, and I vaguely remembered him coming into work without his shoes this morning.

We both had a couple more jabs at each other, until he cowered off to the kitchen. I was about to follow him in, I was feeling peckish, but then I noticed the giant bundle of a blanket on the ground. I'd never seen that blanket around, it must've been new.

Why would they buy a new blanket? Maybe for the couple of us always sleeping over.. I blocked off any new thoughts that would come to mind, and instead let myself fall backwards into it.

"Ow!" It wasn't just blankets.

I got off, moving so quickly that you'd think I was on fire. My back hurt from being jabbed by an elbow, but as the figure flung the blanket off himself, I thought about how he was probably a little more hurt than I was.

"Steve what the hell." Darry's cold eyes bore into mine, and if Sodapop wasn't over in the kitchen, I wasn't so sure I'd still be alive. "I didn't know you were in that!" I fumbled over my words, unsure if there even was a good enough excuse for that man.

But then, he did something I'd never expect. Not in a million years!

Darry stood up, wrapping the blanket around his body before walking off to his room. He did it all without a single word, and left me sprawled out on the sitting room floor, practically shocked.

He did look tired, if his eyebags were anything to go by, but to just walk away without a fight? Wasn't like superdope at all.

Sodapop by then had pocked his head out from the kitchen, and we simply gave each other a shrug that could only be translated into one sentence; what the hell was that?

[zimsrightantenna]

Invader Zim + ZaDr Fan Merch Review

I bought some zadr and iz directly from @banana-zim and the gist of it is that it was very good 5/5 stars would recommend

But here are the details:

Nana was very very accommodating for my horrible financial situation and was able to indefinitely hold items for me and make arrangements with shipping to make sure I had a stable income while making the purchase, and also was very patient and kind throughout the whole process even when things were not stable on my end. I was able to plan this for months! Very trustworthy I'd say

These are the items I bought

[ID 1: A zim pillow in a plastic wrapper, and a notebook with stickers and stickiness wrapped in bubble wrap. /End ID 1]

The packaging had kept everything clean, dry and undamaged.

There was a Zim on both sides of the pillow, the colours were vibrant (though they look a little more saturated on my phone camera, no idea why) and the fabric was very soft. It has a zipper that is almost not visible, and you can open it. Inside is fluff, which you could theoretically remove to wash the pillow case though it didn't come with wash instructions. I will let Nana comment on that if there are questions!

[ID 2, 3: The zim pillow from other angles showing the backside and zipper, unzipped. /End ID 2, 3]

The post-its are cute and easy to write on, they have enough white space to get a few sentences down depending on how small you write. Here is a little thank you note ♡

[ID 4: The notebook laid out on the bubble wrap with the post-it notes and stickers on top. /End ID 4]

[ID 5: A close-up picture of the post-it notes. On the first page there is a heart drawn with a ballpoint pen and the words "Thank you Bananazim!" /End ID 5]

I got the zadr stickers for free. They have a paper-like texture and the colours seem slightly more muted than the pillow but they still look colourful in real life. I stuck one of them to the inside of my notebook and they seem to stick nicely!

[ID 6: Three stickers. The first is the swollen eyeball symbol on top of the irken symbol. The second is a heart with a space background. Inside of the heart Zim and Dib are kissing. The third is square, with Dib laying on a pillow with a blanket over his waist and an open book under his hand. Zim clings to his back. /End ID 6]

The notebook looks like this! It has saturated colours on the front and back, and a protective plastic page on either side. The front and back pages are shinier than the inside, and all pages on the inside are lined. Size A5.

[ID 7, 8: The front page of the notebook, a drawing of the black silhouettes of Zim and Dib in front of the control brains and swollen eyeball screens. The screens and Dib's eyes are coloured turquoise while Zim's eye and the control brains are coloured pink. Zim appears to sit in Dib's lap, and Dib's fingers have turquoise threads wrapped around them that go into Zim's back where his PAK is supposed to be. There is pink text reading "MY LittLE ALiEN". The lines are white. The pictures as with and without the slightly opaque plastic cover page. /End ID 7, 8]

[ID 9: A page of the notebook. It is lined from top to bottom. /End ID 9]

[ID 10: The backside of the notebook. It's black with the turquoise swollen eyeball symbol over the irken symbol. /End ID 10]

Overall I really enjoyed this, and I've already started using the notebook to keep track of my creative projects and everything I need to mend or fix in my room :)

In the reblogs I will link the Etsy shop and kofi because I don't know if tumblr hides posts with links or if that was an old bug?

☆☆☆☆☆

[finkinthisfrew]

Anything (Pt.32)

cw: 18+, dom-Matty, teasing, oral, p in v

Chapter 32 I was waiting anxiously in the tent near the back of the venue waiting for the show to start, trying to ignore the handful of fans that all kept turning back to look at me. Their faces were a combination of confusion as to who I was and why I was in the special tent, excited recognition, and venomous judgment. I smoothed out the hem of my knee-length white cotton skirt uncomfortably as I shifted my weight from one black cowboy boot-clad foot to another, pretending I didn't see yet another set of girls taking pictures of me. I wore a simple white ribbed tank top, a brown bandana on my head, and had my hair in two braids with red bows tied at the ends. I stood alone, nursing a plastic cup of what was once cold white wine. I was already a little buzzed after the dinner we'd had, and I knew we still had a long night ahead of us, so I paced myself with my drinking.

Matty had paced himself too. At dinner, he only had two glasses of wine- the same as me. Not that I was monitoring him... Okay, maybe I was a little. I hadn't been sure what to expect tonight until he pulled me aside before my escort arrived to take me to the tent.

"I think it's important to warn you that I do drink on stage during these shows- it's part of the performance," he said cautiously as he rubbed my back, his arms wrapped around me as we stood in the corner of the green room. "I've always done it, it just normally wouldn't get as... out of hand, like you saw last night... But you should know that the flask I have only has water in it tonight, and I'm not planning on drinking very much of the wine I'll have on stage with me... I just don't want to worry you..." he said, his eyes guilty as he looked down at me.

I was so touched by his reassurance as I gazed up into his hopeful eyes. He looked so handsome, his hair in casual curls tonight hanging across his forehead, his muscled arms currently hidden by a silky black button-up short sleeve, the top few buttons left undone so his chest tattoo peeked through.

I realized after a few moments that I was just staring at him, admiring his beauty, not having realized he was waiting for a response. I shook my head in embarrassment.

"God, I'm sorry... Yes, of course, thank you for letting me know. But I'm not worried," I said firmly. Matty cocked an eyebrow at me, so I reassured him, "I mean it. I trust you."

"What was that?" Matty asked curiously. "What were you thinking about just then? When you shook your head?"

I blushed, mortified.

"Oh nothing," I lied as I fiddled with the buttons on his shirt, avoiding his eye contact.

Matty smiled at me cockily, "You seem to be forgetting I've got you in a compromising position here, pet." He ran his fingertips lightly over my waist, tickling me slightly. I jerked in his arms, protesting as I laughed, but he gripped my hips with a smile. 

As our laughs faded, he looked at me with a furrowed brow, his eyes begging. 

"Please, darling. I'm desperate to know every nook and cranny of your brain. What were you thinking about?"

His eyes searched mine as he looked at me so hopefully, so genuinely, I couldn't hold back. 

"I..." I hesitated, heat flushing my cheeks. "I'm so sorry, I know this is so rude. I was just... I got distracted thinking about how handsome you are." I hid my head in his chest. "I promise I was listening!" I moaned, my voice muffled by his shirt.

Matty was silent for a moment, then burst into a hearty laugh as he ran his fingers up to scratch the back of my neck gently. He leaned down to my ear and whispered, "Every day I battle between being completely engrossed in what you have to say, and getting entirely lost in your beauty."

I looked up at him with wide eyes in disbelief, then immediately frowned.

"How are you so perfect all the time?" I said grumpily. He laughed again, but I pressed on. "Seriously, it's upsetting!" I pouted.

Matty leaned in to kiss my forehead. "I can be less perfect for you," he said, looking down at me sweetly. Then he brought his lips close to my ear as he hugged me against his chest and whispered sincerely, "I can be whoever you want me to be."

I sighed, sinking deeper into his hold as he squeezed me. He continued in my ear.

"I'd be anything for you. A painter. A businessman. A peasant. Your favourite movie-"

I cut him off, looking up at him. "Movie?" I repeated, bewildered.

He shrugged, looking down at me innocently. "I think I'd be content being something that makes you happiest. Even if it's just for a couple of hours," he said matter-of-factly as he tucked a curl behind my ear.

My entire chest flooded with warmth as my stomach tumbled. 

"You make me happiest, Matty. I just want you," I said softly. 

His eyes flashed brightly at this, and he pulled me in to kiss me tenderly. I felt his shoulders fall as his heart melted. Mine did too. We sighed in sync, which made us giggle.

Now I stood alone as the lights in the arena finally dimmed, the darkness hiding me from peering eyes which now turned to scream at the figures that stepped on stage, whipping out their phones to film them. From that point, the night was a whirlwind of emotions.

I didn't think it would be possible, but Matty was even better tonight. I knew he was a great dancer, but his more sober state allowed him to dance even better. His voice was crystal clear, communicating every emotion perfectly as he belted and crooned, taking us all along for the rollercoaster ride. 

I beamed at him as I watched him connect with his fans, winking at them, pointing at them, smiling at them, dancing with them... I loved every second of it, and I could tell he did too. He was in his element on stage.

As a song I didn't recognize but enjoyed faded out, Matty paced the stage, looking out into the crowd. He squinted as he tried to read a sign someone held that I couldn't see. 

"Sorry to disappoint, folks, but my days of kissing strangers are over," he said with a shrug as he pointed at it. The cameras panned to the sign which read 'Kiss me for Robbers!' projecting it, along with the now heartbroken girl who held it onto the screen behind the band.

As the audience moaned in response to his announcement, Matty smiled. 

"Haven't you heard? I pay people to kiss me now." 

The crowd erupted into a cacophony of sounds, ranging from laughter to cries, to gasps, to cheers, to boos. Matty and George exchanged pointed looks on the stage before Matty turned back to the mic. 

"Alright, alright, don't you all get your knickers in a twist, I won't leave you completely dry," he said with a smile. People cheered once again and then doubled in volume as the intro sound to 'Robbers' started to twinkle in the background and Matty teased the crowd as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt. He looked up at the crowd that cried desperately for him. 

"I'm not doing anything," he said, his face innocent as he worked his way down the buttons. I found myself getting hot, watching him slowly reveal himself like that. I chuckled inwardly as I caught myself feeling frustrated at how much distance there was between us. I leaned forward on the railing in front of me as I watched him in adoration.

"This is what you want," he said before reaching the last button, holding his hands up defensively. "I'm a pawn," he said, his face serious. Then the drums came in as he swiftly undid the final button, revealing his red-streaked chest in the spotlight. The screams that followed were deafening. 

In the bright stage lights, the contrast between his ivory skin and the crimson lines that trailed down his body, disappearing suggestively below the belt of his pants, was even more pronounced.

I cannot explain just how incredibly sexy he looked. And to know that I had been the one to give him those marks- the marks that now covered the body of the man everyone in this arena lusted after... I wasn't normally a territorial person, but I felt quite proud as I watched him sing, spreading his arms out wide and looking up towards the sky, looking almost Jesus-like as everyone cheered. I felt smug with myself, that I was the lucky one that got to call him mine. Smug and horny. I took my phone out to quickly snap a picture of him like that, arms spread, shirt open, chest streaked.

The song ended and Matty waited for the crowd to settle as he walked back up to the mic, glancing down at the setlist. Then looked back up, scanning the crowd once again.

"So about the 'paying people to kiss me' thing..." The crowd cried in response, even more people holding their phones up to film him. Matty waited until the cheers died down again to continue. "So I know there's been lots of rumours swirling about and a lot of speculation around this 'call-girl' I-" 

The band swiftly cut Matty off while his fingers still hung in the air in air quotes, beginning the intro to 'It's Not Living If It's Not With You', once again driving the crowd crazy.

I felt my cheeks flush as the song played, knowing everyone knew he was referring to me. 

I knew I had suggested Matty mention something about us tonight, but I had no idea what he was going to say. Somehow, he'd managed to do it perfectly. He teased everyone, yet gave nothing away. It was like a giant middle finger to the media. As he strummed his guitar, singing along with his fans who screamed the lyrics back at him, I found myself falling even more in love with him.

I loved this song. I let myself dance along with the crowd in front of me, spinning and bouncing along to the beat in my little area by myself. I sang along with the chorus as it came and flushed when I saw Matty look over at me with a smile as he sang out the last line, pointing at me subtly. I smiled, pointing back at myself in question, and he nodded back at me with a wink. I waved my hands at my face exaggeratedly in jest and he laughed off mic as the outro began. 

As the song eventually ended and the applause faded, the crowd's cheers turned into a chant which slowly grew louder and louder.

"Peo-ple, peo-ple, peo-ple!" The crowd chanted over and over. With a frown of confusion, Matty pulled his in-ear out to hear them, then as his face registered the chant, he shoved it back in, turning back to the band. I scanned the band, searching for meaning as they all looked at each other and talked into their mics which were turned off to the audience, obviously communicating to each other through their in-ears. I slowly that 'People' must be one of their songs I hadn't heard yet.

After several minutes of discussion, Matty finally turned back to the crowd.

"You want People?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow at them. The crowd ROARED in response. "Alright, alright..." he said, quieting the crowd. Then, he looked up at me, our eyes like magnets locking onto each other across the giant room. My stomach fluttered as he smiled timidly at me.

"I just want to say that... I have some loved ones in the crowd tonight who may not be prepared for this..." the audience screamed again, many of which turned to look in the direction that Matty was looking. My cheeks flushed at the attention as he continued. "So to them, I say... brace yourself," he said, his face briefly apologetic before it switched quickly back to serious as his eyes turned to scan the crowd, "And to you guys, I say... brace yourself," he said with a seductive smile as a drumbeat started, making the crowd go absolutely feral.

I'd never seen Matty so aggressive. I can't explain how it made me feel to watch him scream like that, thrashing around on stage and headbanging so forcefully. I had never been a huge fan of punk or screamo music, but something about his aggression, and its stark contrast to how gentle and sweet he was with me, along with his complete commitment to the passionate performance was so sexy. He was such an artist. I was completely captivated. And completely turned on.

From that point on, I was so distracted by my desire for him, I almost couldn't take in the rest of the show, barely taking in even my favourite songs as they played. I didn't even notice he'd changed into a white button-up shirt with a black tie by the end of the show. He sang beautifully, but what distracted me more was how gorgeous he was. I needed him. Now.

Halfway through their last song, security escorted me subtly out of the tent, out of the arena, past the concession stands, and towards the backstage area. From the end of the hallway leading backstage, I heard the last chord ring out as Matty's voice echoed through the stadium, thanking the crowd and wishing them a good night. As I finally exited the hall and entered the back of the arena, I saw Matty rushing down the steps. He hurriedly ran towards the exit opposite mine, and I called out his name. He looked back to see me, locking his eyes on mine. Then, as he broke into a giant smile, he jogged over to me, sweeping me into his arms. 

He picked me up, spinning me 'round, then placed me on the ground. I couldn't wait any longer. I pulled his face down to mine, kissing him hungrily. He kissed me back, lightly at first, then as he registered my hunger with surprise, he met my energy, kissing me back fully. Eventually, he made to pull away, but I kissed him even harder, desperate for him. I wanted him badly.

I wrapped my arms around him sensually, my full hand pressed against his lower back the way he liked, the other running through the back of his hair. I pressed myself into him, letting my fingers dip teasingly into his waistband just slightly. He took my cue, tearing his lips from mine and grabbing my hand. Before I could protest, he pulled me down the hall, past the security guards. He all but jogged us down the roped-off corridor back towards the green room.

He burst through the door, dragging me straight past the couches through a door and into the second room equipped with sinks and a giant mirror framed with bright lights- a dressing room. He scooped me up without a word, plopping me down on the counter before turning around and locking the door. Normally, I would have let him take me. A part of me wanted him to. But tonight, I couldn't wait. 

I jumped off the counter, stepping toward him in two easy strides. He hadn't even finished turning around when I pushed him against the door, pressing my body into his and kissing him fervently. I felt him smile with surprise against my mouth, his hands pulling my hips into him welcomingly. Immediately, I grabbed his hands and tossed them aside. As desperate as my need was for his touch, nothing surpassed my need for his cock. I pulled my hips from his just far enough so I could reach my hands to his belt, frantically undoing it. He moved his hands up to grip my face, kissing me deeply as I ripped open his pants, grasping at the waistband of his boxers and pulling at them.

I reached down to find him long and hard, feeling his pulse in my hand as I gripped his length. I felt him moan into my mouth, sending shivers down my own spine, making me even wetter than I already was.

I dropped to my knees, wasting no time before taking his cock between my lips, swirling my tongue over the head. I took him in, inch by inch, savouring the way his breath hitched every time I took more of him in my mouth. I felt his hands run through my hair, and at that moment I was inspired to give him a taste of his own medicine. 

As I took his cock out of my mouth, I grabbed both his hands and placed them on his own hips, holding them there firmly so he couldn't touch me. I looked up at him smugly only to find him with his head cocked to the side smiling down at me with his mouth hanging open in pleasure.

"Someone's a bit needy tonight," he said, looking thoroughly amused.

"You didn't seem half as bothered by the few thousand girls back there that were desperate for your body," I challenged. 

"Ohhh, I see. Someone's a little jealous," he said as he raised an eyebrow at me, his smile growing even more devilish.

I scowled at him, turning up my nose in pride. 

"You're mine," I said firmly.

His smile grew even wider as his face darkened. 

"Yes, darling. That's right," he said, his voice sickly sweet, almost patronizing. "But what you're forgetting is," he continued as his eyes narrowed at me, "that you are mine." 

Before I could even realize what was happening, he wrenched his hands from mine, flipping them 'round to grip my wrists, then swiftly pulled me up to stand in front of him.

He planted his lips on mine, and I didn't protest. At this point, all I cared about was his touch. His hands ran up and down my back, hastily pulling my top off along with my bra. As he reached to pull off my skirt, I tugged at his tie, desperate to unbutton his shirt. As I finally slipped his tie off, he pulled away, looking down at my mostly naked body. He licked his lips unconsciously, shaking his head slightly in disbelief. Then he twisted me back around so that I was facing the mirror, his erection pressing hard against my back. He placed a hand around my throat, kissing my neck tauntingly as his other hand travelled slowly down my stomach.

"I don't appreciate you preventing me from touching you how I want," he said darkly in my ear. "Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying your enthusiasm very much. You're quite cute when you're jealous. I find it quite amusing, watching you try..." he said, before dragging his teeth along my neck, the roughness sending a wave of pleasure through my body. I moaned.

"I can't seem to decide if I should reward you or punish you," he said thoughtfully.

I tried to twist around in his grip to face him, but he held me firm against him.

I looked at him in the mirror, my eyes filled with fire, my desire for him now outweighing any remaining patience. 

"At least I knew what I wanted. You can't even decide if you wanna fuck me or recite a dramatic monologue," I replied snootily. I knew that if my options were between a reward or punishment, I would always choose punishment. Matty's punishments were like rewards on steroids, and I knew the best way to get him to punish me was to provoke him.

His eyes widened as they danced with delight before narrowing at me.

"Such foul language from such a pretty mouth," he said with a smile as he pressed his cock harder against my back. I didn't even notice him slip the tie I still held from my hand. 

"Hold still or I promise you won't even see my cock for a week, let alone touch it," he threatened in my ear. With that, I stood perfectly still. Whether the threat was true or not, there was no way I was risking it.

I watched as he slowly raised his tie in front of me, placing it between my teeth before tying it behind my head. When he finished, he looked up at me in the mirror with a smile.

"There," he said as he kissed me sensually on the cheek, "Even prettier."

At that moment, we heard the door to the green room open, followed by several loud voices, chatting and laughing. I froze in fear, but Matty ran his hand down my arm comfortingly. I realized the band was loud enough that we didn't need to stay perfectly quiet. Just quiet enough. 

"Have you got anything to say to me now?" Matty taunted in my ear, bringing my attention back to him as he ran his hands along my body.

I shot him a look of daggers, unable to respond with the tie in my mouth.

"Funny, you seemed so confident earlier," he said, his hands landing on my breasts. He took both of my nipples in his fingers and twisted them just hard enough to make me groan loudly with pleasure.

"Nu-uh-uh," he tisked at me. He wagged his finger at me in the mirror before placing it on his lips in a shushing gesture, then pointing at the door.

"I think it's cute, you trying to take me like that," he said, cocking his head to the side as he watched my tie-clad mouth open wide as his fingers resumed on my one nipple. His other hand ventured south, slowly. 

"Well I shouldn't say cute- it's actually ridiculously fucking sexy..." he said, letting his fingers trail down my bare stomach as I shivered. I felt myself getter wetter. "But I'm not sure I want to encourage that behaviour... Besides, I'd much rather patronize you," he whispered in my ear as his fingers toyed with the edge of my panties. I groaned with impatience, which only made him laugh darkly.

He slipped a finger just below the elastic, making my chest heave in anticipation. I stepped up on my tip toes in an effort to move his finger further south to where I wanted it most. 

"I think it's adorable how hard you tried," he taunted further, raising his hand with my body, not giving me the satisfaction I craved.

I couldn't stand it anymore. I tried to respond but the tie in my mouth muffled my words.

Matty's eyes met mine in the mirror. Then he reached up and gently untied the tie from my mouth to let me speak. It was the little moments like this, when even in the middle of being rough and cocky and dominating me completely, he was still so gentle and caring with me, that made me fall even deeper in love with him. My heart split in two at his soft touch.

I looked up at him in the mirror innocently, trying not to show my desperation, my panting betraying me. 

"I needed you," I repeated, this time clearly, meeting his eyes which warmed at my words.

"All you had to do was ask nicely," he said, his smile slowly turning devilish. Then, in one motion, he picked me up and placed me on the counter, kissing me deeply before looking down briefly to position himself at my entrance. Then, at the same time, he entered me forcefully as he clamped his hand over my mouth, catching my scream of pleasure before I could let it out. 

He rammed himself into me powerfully, building my orgasm quickly. He released his hand from my mouth, moving it to grip my ass so as to fuck me even deeper. I held back another scream, quietly whining as I tossed my head back with pleasure.

"Fuck, you are so fucking gorgeous, Anna..." he grunted, looking down at my body as he ravaged me. 

I reached around to grip his back, digging my nails into his skin. I watched as his nostrils flared, a grunt of pleasure escaping his lips. I dragged my nails down his back and watched as he bit his lip, his brow now furrowing. I could tell he was close.

"Fuck, Anna, I don't know how much-" Matty stopped as he saw me shake my head.

I reached a hand up to his neck, pulling him in to kiss me. Then I whispered in his ear in as innocent a voice as I could muster, "Will you cum for me? Please?"

Matty moaned in response, pulling away to look down at my body again. I watched as his face screwed into pained pleasure as he fucked me even faster, his chest heaving until he whimpered. His jaw dropped as he pounded his orgasm into me, and I pulled him in to kiss him. He kissed me back desperately as he came inside me, moaning into my mouth as he did. 

His movements eventually slowed, my own chest caving from being frustratingly close to my own orgasm. But as Matty pulled out, he replaced his cock with his fingers, finding my G-spot immediately and coaxing my orgasm back to life as I panted in his ear. He lowered his face, trailing kisses down my body. He threw my thighs over his shoulders before placing his lips over my clit. Then, he moved his tongue over my clit, making my back arch, pushing me back closer and closer to the edge. 

I ran my hands wildly through his hair, my climax building dangerously high as he fingered me rapidly. Then I looked down to meet his eyes which locked onto mine. He looked so sexy down there, his curls messily tousled from my hands, his face rosy from his orgasm. The sound of his whimper echoed through my mind as I watched him watch me.

"Come on, angel. Be a good girl, darling. Cum for me," he said encouragingly. Then he replaced his mouth on my clit and his fingers picked up speed, driving me crazy as my orgasm coiled tightly. I couldn't hold back any longer. I released.

I stifled the sound of my scream, instead whining and whimpering- whatever sound I could make without being too loud. Matty praised me for holding back my screams and that only sent my orgasm even further. My legs shook on his shoulders as waves of pleasure coursed through me, Matty's fingers coaxing every last ounce of rapture from me.

As his fingers finally slowed, Matty returned to me, kissing my mouth softly as I quivered in his arms. He picked me up, sitting down on the counter himself before placing me in his lap. 

"Wow..." he said, a look of awe on his face. "I love cumming together more than anything, but... I didn't know I was missing out on that every time I was cumming," Matty said. He shook his head in disbelief. "You are so. sexy. when you cum, darling," he said with a sigh. "I started to get hard again just from watching you cum. If I wasn't so exhausted from the show, I'd fuck you all over again."

I smiled at him as I felt my insides tingle with excitement at the thought.

"That sounds kinda nice," I said, my voice soaked with lust. But as the words exited my mouth, I realized how tired my body was too, my stomach dropping in disappointment. I shrugged.

"I guess we'll have to remember that for next time," I sighed happily, content with the thought that we had countless nights, months and years together ahead of us.

He squeezed me gently, looking down at me sweetly with a warm smile before kissing my nose. I couldn't take it, he looked so handsome.

"You're so handsome, Matty," I said looking up at him, still dazed from my orgasm.

His eyes crinkled as his cheeks flushed a little more pink at the compliment. 

"I was just going to tell you how beautiful you are," he said sweetly. My stomach tumbled as we leaned in to kiss each other once again.

I'd never felt luckier.

[elizabethplaid]

fridge, drinking water, and other daily notes - july 16, 2024

I think my fridge is dying. The freezer hasn't been freezing as well as it should. I just opened it to get an ice pack, and the popsicle tubes I had in the door are liquid. (Just a few days ago, they were frozen.)

We have a chest freezer, so we can save everything. But it sucks that we'll need to make another big purchase this year. Considering we got nearly 15 years out of our fridge, that's not terrible. We got our over-the-stove microwave around that same time, and it croaked a couple months ago. (So microwave, new-used car, now a fridge.)

Somewhat related, I've had trouble using the new water bottles I got last month. I need my water to be really cold, to trick myself into drinking it. Our reverse-osmosis water comes out of the tap as room-temperature. The new bottles are insulated, thus I can't just fill 'em and stick 'em in the fridge like my previous one. Filling a cup leaves it with a weird taste (from the fridge-air?), like what happens with our ice cubes. But if it's a closed bottle, the taste isn't affected. I'll try to find a small pitcher to fill, so it's somewhat sealed.

I'm also wondering if the aluminum and plastic of the bottle and cap-spout-straw are affecting the taste? I washed 'em first, but maybe I need to do it again. I'm fussy and sensitive, so the planets have to align just right to "trick" my brain into liking plain water.

Weather is still warm but not enough to use the AC. My sinuses and throat are dry from sitting in front of fans, so my throat has been sore on-and-off for the last month or so. =========

I think I need to tell my librarian friend that I can't attend her wedding. It's 2 months away, but I don't think my condition will change enough by then. It's not going to be worth it to push myself in a big crowd of strangers.

Even though anxiety and sensory stuff has bothered me a lot this year, I'm very glad that I'm no longer stressing about needing to be "productive". I've already figured out phone-friend's birthday gift. The xmas gifts I wanted to stitch... I plan to be friends with these folks for a long time. If it's not this year, I can stitch things another year. Or just whenever I feel like stitching.

My hands are too sensitive for me to concentrate on any crafts. Typing and using a mouse are fatiguing after extended use. I had to switch which stylus I used on my phone, because the texture bothered me. Sometimes I wrap baby blankets around my hands, so I'm still touching or holding something tolerable.

Sometimes I miss my hobbies. But I'd rather be avoiding them due to sensory issues, instead of disinterest (from depression) like I've had in recent years. It's currently both in many cases, like dolls and embroidery. Knitting was one hobby I recovered, though I can't give it attention currently. =======

My short term priorities are things like taking care of myself during this warmer weather. Making sure I'm hydrated; encouraging myself to take naps; finding things to entertain my brain, even when my body doesn't agree. (EG on the last one: playing music instead of a podcast or video when I'm tired. Requires less attention but still keeps my sense of hearing entertained.)

Any chores I can chip away at are like bonus achievements. Warm weather suppresses my appetite, so I'm adapting to eat non-heated and hydrating things (eg fruit jello cups, peanut butter sandwiches). I've talked about these things before. Just repeating it now to comfort myself, reminding myself I'm handling all of these stressors well. I will keep repeating, so I don't forget.

[youregonnagofaar]

happy ending myth; a steve harrington story

ch. 8 snippet

pairing: best friend!eddie munson, close friend!max mayfield, slowburn!steve harrington

a/n: the rest of this chapter is still being edited but it is done. i'm feeling much better from being sick so i've been able to write chapter 9. once i'm done i will send that over to my wife so she can proof read it. thanks for being so patience life got really busy. the moodboard, for the reader, should be finished super soon now that i can look at a computer without a headache.

summary: steve jumps into lover's lake to find the portal and ends up being kidnapped by some unknown force.

word count: 1,177

taglist: @midnghtprentiss @tagakalat @livsters

“Somebody’s gotta go down and check this out.” Steve’s golden eyes were focused on you as he spoke. You gripped his forearm, and the fear of losing him flooded your brain. “Unless one of you can top being a Hawkins High swim co-captain and a certified lifeguard for 3 years, then…” He pauses as his eyes begin to scan the boat, he watches each one of you realize that he was right. With a proud smirk, he then looked back at you, his voice oddly soothing for what he was about to do. “It’s gotta be me. No complaints, all right?” You nodded as your hand fell to your side letting out a defeated sigh. Fear crept through your brain as you watched Steve take off his shirt, the moon glistening off his skin making your eyes soften. 

In normal Eddie fashion, he broke the silence. “Hey, I’m not complaining. I do not want to go down there.” As he spoke, he began wrapping the flashlight in a plastic bag. You gave him an annoyed look and in return, he rolled his eyes, so you mouthed the words “Be Nice”.  Shrugging, he gave Steve a toothy grin before handing him the water-protected flashlight. “Good luck.” 

Steve looked at Eddie’s facial expression and raised his eyebrows. “Thanks?” His attention quickly turned to the water and you watched as his facial expressions changed. The look was similar to the careful turn he made with you in the car earlier. You desperately wanted to be back in the car with him, on the way to his house instead of finding some portal to another world. Behind you, Eddie lit a cigarette, something he often did when under stress. Robin took it out of his mouth, making a disgusted noise before throwing it into the water. The act left Eddie bewildered, he attempted to get your attention but quickly realized that your focus was elsewhere.

Before Steve could jump into the frigid water, you placed your fingers around his wrist, his pulse was elevated. Despite the confident act he was pulling, there was still fear hidden behind the facade. In a gentle tone, you spoke his name. 

“Steve.” 

His honey-brown irises met yours. His facial expression softened, leaning forward, he let his face get closer to yours. As this small moment happened, the others gave each other knowing glances. All of them were painfully aware that something was happening between the two of you. “Be careful.” He nodded with a smile on his lips before he turned back to the water. After a deep breath, he jumped in using the force of his legs to swim deeper. 

The few seconds he spent down there felt like hours, you kept your eyes on the murky water waiting to see any sign of him or the flashlight. “Where are we at Wheeler?” Robin broke the silence, her voice was meek and shaky, and her tone made you look up from the water at her with sad eyes. You placed a hand on her bouncing knee trying to provide some comfort, to which she gave you a tight-lipped smile. What Robin was feeling now was understandable, hell, you had just been through the same thing earlier with Eddie. 

“Closing in on a minute,” Nancy responded, her voice had also changed. The amount of dread filling your body made your heart race, it felt as if the whole world was slowing and every muscle in your body became heavy as your mind raced. What would you even do if you lost him like this? You hadn’t told him everything, you hadn’t even kissed him. Would he even like it if you kissed him? You began to pick at your cuticles when suddenly water splashed all over the boat, causing it to rock back and forth. Quickly you turned around to see Steve's upper body as it shot out of the water. As he swam closer, you kept your eye on him, leaning closer to the edge so you could see him better. 

“Oh, Christ!” Eddie exclaimed, his anxiety was getting the best of him. Making any sudden movement or sound terrifying. Once he realized it was Steve, he did his best to calm down. 

“I found it!” Steve yelled out as he swam closer, your face came into view and he noticed your cheeks had become pink. The warmth that rushed through your body, on such a cold night, was obvious and he couldn’t help but smile as he swam closer. When he reached the edge of the boat, his big hands grabbed onto the metal rim. Moving hair out of his eyes, he began to do his best to slow down his breathing. His fingers found where yours were clenching the metal rim, and as his skin touched yours, it felt like you had been placed back on solid ground. As if the world had been placed back on its axis. 

Robin started up the walkie-talkie, her fingers moving faster than her brain as she fumbled the buttons. “Dustin, you are goddam, Einstein,” as she spoke into the walkie-talkie, it felt like the air buzzed from all the excitement coursing through the teens. A fluttering feeling grew in your rib cage the longer Steve looked at you. This was a huge win after everything that had happened, and it was about time that this group had some good news. “Steve found the gate!” 

“It’s pretty wild!” Steve said, pride washing over his face. “It’s more of a snack-sized gate than the mama gate, but still it’s pretty damn big.” He spoke fast and you didn’t really understand what he meant. The excitement, however, didn’t last long. Steve pulled on the side of the boat, his face now panicked as if something was in the water with him. That was the last thing you saw before he was quickly pulled under the water. 

Robin began to scream first and then Eddie followed. Everyone but you was shouting his name, your eyes were focused on the water, trying to find any sign of life. Taking off your flannel, knowing it would hold you down, you threw it at Eddie before standing up. The last thing you heard was Eddie yelling “No!” all high-pitched before diving into the cold dark water. 

There was a quick icy sting to your body as you dove into the water. Despite having no idea what you were looking for, you swam your way deeper into the pitch-black abyss. Nothing was visible under the surface, it was as if you had been swallowed in darkness. With all your might you swam further and further down into Lover’s Lake assuming that Steve had been pulled straight down. It didn’t take long for your eyes to focus on a blurry light of red, taking that as some sign. You pushed your body forward swimming through the mysterious red glow in the ground not knowing what would be on the other side. 

As you swam through the portal your body shot straight into another world.

[sweet-villain]

The Choice~ Joe Kerry Ft D.M

Author's Note : I had a few ideas in my head about this and wanted to see how it would work if I wrote it out.

Angst

There is no summary here, we are just going how my brain planned this all out.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

Your lip trembles as you watch him run a hand through his hair as he stood in your shared bedroom. Your eyes were glossy with your heart in two as he told you that he couldn't be with you anymore.

" I-I thought you loved me...I thought I was your everything.." your voice cracked as you spoke. He closed his eyes hearing the hurt in your voice.

" I do...I did.." he says as he opens his eyes, looking anywhere else but you. He can't bare to look you in the eyes and tell you the real reason he was ending it. The room felt thinner as the only sound was heard was a sniffle from you.

" I'll be back for my stuff later this week" he says like it's the most easiest thing he has ever said in his life. He swallows the lump in his throat and turns around to walk out of the bedroom.

The armor of fresh coffee hit your nose as you stepped into the coffee shop, the door jingled signaling a new customer had walked through the doors. Anne, who had owned the coffee shop had waved her hand standing by the counter as she assist a customer.

" Mornin' " Anne greets you as she grabs a plastic cup off next to her as she write your order down. You have been coming into the coffee shop for years now. Anne was a good friend of yours since you started walking in. " Good Morning Anna, busy day?" she huffed the hair away from her face as she nodded.

" You have no idea" you chuckled as you handed her a couple of bills to pay for the coffee. " How's your morning so far?" She asks, putting the money in the cash register. " It's alright, saw my mom this morning and she went on and on how I need to find a man, I'm getting too old and yadda yada" you rolled your eyes and waved your hand.

She laughed, " Same old story. Different day" you nodded.

" It never ends" she shrugs. " You never know when you'll meet a handsome guy"

" Not with me, I've stopped my chances" she frowns knowing who you were thinking about. She doesn't say his name and you don't either. Even though he's part of the past, he was still a rough subject to talk about.

" I'll see you later" you tell her as you slide down the line and grab your coffee that was ready for go. Warmth filled your hands as you took a sip of it, closing your eyes. This is what you needed right now.

" Don't think too hard" Anne says noticing the way your eyebrows knitted all of sudden as she held a plastic cup in her hands writing down another order.

" I'll try not" you chuckled, waving to her as you walked to the door.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

You stopped in your tracks seeing a person leaning against your door. It wasn't just anymore person as your lips turned up into a smile.

" Fancy seeing you here" you laughed a little, his head snapped up as they met yours. Blue eyes light up at the sight of you. He lifted himself off the door as he embraced you in his arms.

" Good to see you, Dacre" your arms wrap around his back. He pulls away. You haven't seen Dacre in a while, it's been too long. You had met him through your ex, and the friendship had grew.

" You too, love. How've you been?" he goes straight to the question. He has heard from your ex the two of you weren't together anymore, and he frowned when he asked where you were. You had moved out and got a new place a few blocks down from the previous home.

" I've been alright" you tell him. It's the honest truth that you were alright. You had forgotten the pain that's been caused by him, the memories in tact and buried in the deep of your head and it got better with time. Dacre's eyes roams your face to see if you were telling the truth or not. He finds no lie detected and nods.

" You wanna come in?" you asked him, motioning to the red door he was leaning against on previously. You haven't asked him why he's here yet and you were curious but held back to let him tell you on his own. He steps into your apartment and takes in the warmth that embraces him.

The apartment is very you, from the colors to the chosen furniture to the art on the walls.

" You wanna take off your jacket?" you asked him. His eyes fall back on you taking you in as you stand there in a white long sleeve with a pair of jeans and white socks on your feet. He shrugs off his jacket and hands it to you. The brush of his finger tips against your hand causes you to pause, he takes his hand away quickly as he clears his throat.

You hang it on one of the hangers in the coat closet you have, brushing your fingers down on it as if something was on it that you saw. He walks past you into your apartment and over looks the living room seeing some candles around.

" Nice place" he looks around and really like it, it's up to his taste.

" Thank you, it took me a long time to get to where I wanted it to be"

He licks his dry lips as he scratches the side of his face as his hand itches to bring out the piece of invitation that is hiding in his back pocket. He doesn't know how to bring it up as he finding the right words in his brain to not cause you to be angry with him or tear up.

" You look troubled. Did something happened?" you ask him. His blue eyes snap towards you as he chuckles, but it's a forced chuckle. Your eyebrows knit together with your hands clasped together in the front. He takes in the way your holding your fingers in the other hand. You were nervous.

He hums as he takes the invitation from behind his back pocket and thinks he is going to go with the flow.

" I got this in the mail today" he says. The invitation is crinkled now as he had it folded in two as he held it in his hands. His eyes roam around the words and sentences on it.

He hands you it. You take it from his hands and read, reread the words on it. His name was on it. He was inviting Dacre to a Birthday Mascaraed Party. Your mouth goes try seeing that a plus one is needed to be brought.

Your head shots up as you look towards Dacre. You knew now what he wanted to ask you.

" No" you tell him straight off the bat. Dacre opened his mouth to say something when you put a hand up to stop him.

" Is this why you came here?" you shake the invitation in your hands at him. Dacre sighs, " Look. I know you two had a messy break up, but I can't go alone. You were my best option and my only option" he says.

" I can't" you shook your head, letting the invitation drop from your hands. It falls onto the ground of your apartment as it lays in the open and if you looked down, you could see his name.

" You need to stop hiding from this. From him. He knows you exist still, he knows you talk to me. He knows you still linger in the friend group we have. Come to this party with me, you don't need to see him. Have fun with me, he won't even recognize you. You'll wear a mask"

" Fine" you sighed. " I need a dress" he flashes you a smile.

" Let me" he takes a hold of your hand and tugs you towards the door.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

People were every where as you and Dacre stepped into the large room. He had chosen to wear a dark navy stripped suit with a cat mask matching with yours. You wore a silk navy blue dress with the leg open and when you walked down the steps with Dacre in tow helping you, there were whispers around.

" Do you think they recognize me?" you asked him. Dacre leans in, shaking his head. " I don't think so" you are wearing a gold cat mask, matching with Dacre except his is play with little freckles. You thought it was cute because he had freckles.

Your eyes roamed in hopes that you don't see him yet. This was his birthday party and you didn't want to exactly be here. Loud music was banging off the walls with different color lights.

A hand grasped yours in theirs. It was warm and his thumb traced over your knuckle to comfort you in his way.

" Dacre?" someone asked. You noticed that voice anywhere. Natalie with Charlie by her side. " Natalie!" he says as he greets her with a hug. Her head turns to you, " I'm not sure we've met?" She asked in a question. Dacre leans in to tell her it's you. She nods with a zip to her mouth.

" I'm happy your here" she says as she reaches out to squeeze your hand. Apparently word has gone out quickly after your break up with him that you weren't in his life anymore and you had vanished a bit.

" How are you doing?" she asks. " This must be a lot to you" she motions around. You shrugged, " I need a drink" you say. " Strong" you added. " It was nice to see you, Natalie. Charlie" you say.

You tugged Dacre along to the bar and laid down your small purse on top of it. Your head looked around seeing so many people. Could one of them be him?

" He's not here yet" Dacre tells you. Your eyebrows scrunch up together in confusion. " Who?" you asked, playing dumb. He rolls his eyes. " Him" he doesn't say his name because that name brings a lot of hurt and he knows if he did, you'd stop talking to him.

" How do you know?"

" I know what's wearing" Dacre answers you as he orders you a drink, himself one. He knows you'll need it.

" May I have everyone's attention?" someone spoke on the mic as the room filled with silence and the music has stopped. You lifted the drink up to your lips as you turned your attention to the voice. You have no idea who was speaking.

" Please put your hands together, for the wonderful, the birthday man of the evening. Joe Keery!" the name brings goosebumps up your spine as you spot him on top of the stairs. He is wearing a blue jacket, his hair was shorter and it looks so good on him, he is wearing black skinny jeans with a black dress shirt underneath. His mask is in his hands.

He is smiling wide as he was announced. The familiar tug in your heart signals you the pain he has caused you. Why did Dacre choose you? Why couldn't you be at home on your couch and watching something on tv and instead you were here?

" He looks so stupid" you muttered. Dacre laughs.

Joe walks down the steps as he thanks the person who announced him and your stomach flips as he greets the other. He better not come here and greet you.

" This was a bad idea" you face Dacre. He takes the drink in your hand that you have been nursing and puts it on the counter. He takes a hold of your two hands, squeezing them.

" Everything will be alright, you don't have to worry. He won't notice it's you" you had sure hopes so otherwise you would need to make a run for it. Joe hasn't even thought that you were going to be here. He knew you had moved to a new apartment down a few streets while he stayed in the same apartment.

He had remodeled the place and turned it back to the way it was before you had moved in. It did hurt that he had to put all the memories away that reminded him of you. He still has a couple of your things in the bag of his closet.

He makes his way around to thank people for coming and he comes closer to Dacre.

" Can't he go the other way" you groaned seeing he was coming closer and closer. You groaned and turned your back as he walked over to Dacre.

" Is that you, Dacre?" He asks. You closed your eyes at the sound of his voice. Dacre lifts off his mask to reveal himself. " I knew it was you!" Joe says, " thank you for coming to my party."

" Thank you for inviting me, this is something" Dacre points around. Joe laughs.

" It was Maya's idea. She wanted to throw this" he motions around. " Did you bring someone?" Joe asks. You mentally cursed in your head hoping Dacre doesn't say anything.

" I did, she's a little shy" you wanted to smack Dacre right there and there. You can feel his eyes on you as he looks at your back.

" No need to be shy, we're all friends here" you wanted to laugh in his face. When you turned around to face him in your cat mask, his eyes locked with yours. All too familiar feeling filled you as he stared at you. His face goes blank as he swallow the lump in his throat he was holding.

It's you.

His mouth is dry as he takes you in and he has to catch himself seeing how beautiful you look.

" May I?" he asks motioning to the mask, reaching with his fingers to talk it off. He needs confirmation that it's really you that's there. Your breath hitches when his fingers reach for the mask and lift it up to reveal your face to him.

He takes a step back as his eyes go wide at the sight of you. It is really you.

"...Y/N..." he says in barely words. Dacre looks between the two of you and has no idea what to say. It was like the room had become silent at the sight of you two. Not a pin has dropped.

" Keery" you say. The last name stings his heart a bit but he takes it because he deserves what he has put you through. " You're Dacre's plus one?" you nod.

He hums in surprise. He feels a disgusting taste in his mouth hearing those words.

" Hope you enjoy yourselves" he says with his hands in his pockets. Joe can't believe his eyes that you were here after everything the both of you have been through. He doesnt like it that Dacre had brought you to the party as his date.

You have moved on so quickly?

Rage fills him as he walks over to the others to greet, his hand firm as he shakes and he smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes.

" He hates that I brought you here" Dacre says. You were lost in your thoughts to bother to realize that Dacre stood there and once you blinked and realized where you were, you swatted his shoulder.

" How dare you let him see me? I thought he wouldn't even look at me" you huffed. Dacre shrugged.

" You can't hide from him forever"

Joe kept glancing back at you, frowning that you had put your mask back on. The music became loud once again and people were dancing.

" Wanna dance?" Dacre asked. He offers you his hand. Your nose scrunches up in annoyance. Still not over the fact that Joe knows that you are here now.

" Dacre.. you know I don't dance" he rolls his eyes. " Boo, hoo. You're dancing" he takes a hold of your hand and tugs you to the dance floor. Joe watches from the corner of his eye as you dance with Dacre, seeing you throw your head back and smiling. You were having fun. He wasn't.

" Who is that?" Maya asks as she stands next to Joe.

" Y/N" he says with jealousy in his tone. Maya looks at you then at Joe, " Did you talk to her?"

" Not quite" she nudges him, " Go" he sighs as makes his way to the dance floor and you feel hot breath against your ear all of sudden.

" We need to talk" you heard the familiar voice of your ex. One look at Dacre and he disappears into the crowd full of people. You were going to smack him later for this. You turn to face your ex to see he was making his way up the stairs, not before looking back at you to see if you were following. He motioned his head outside to the garden that was there.

What did he want?

You walked up the steps, the way he walked through and made your way over there. He stood by the fountain with his hands in his pockets looking at it. You can see the back of his head as he stood there waiting for you.

He looks really good tonight but you didn't feel good about this at all.

He heard the sound of your heels coming closer to him. He didn't need to turn around to know your there.

" You look really pretty tonight" he says. His head is dipped down looking at the water of the fountain.

" Thank you, happy birthday" Joe turns to look at you, his brown eyes holding onto the side of your face. His eyes roam to the way your hair is, to your mask, to the choice of lipstick to the dress you were wearing.

" Can I see you?" he asks, motioning to the mask. You slip off the mask off your head. " What did you need to talk to me about?"

" I.." he mutters out, blinking his eyes as he realizes how hard this is to say. His heart feels like it's going to be ripped out of his chest as he gulps down the words he wants to stay. Instead he stands there frozen like a statue with his mouth dry as a desert.

" Don't waste my time" you say, " I don't wanna plat your games" you turn to head back to the party when he speaks.

" I miss you. A lot" he says, hoping those words would help.

You freeze in your own spot as you let the words sink in. Was this some joke he was playing at?

" Don't do that" you say. Your back to him.

" Do what?" he asks.

" Don't lie to me with words. I need to get back, Dacre must be looking for me" Joe gritted his teeth at the mention of his friend, and cast mate.

" Forget him, and turn around. Tell me your not here, for me. That you still deep down want me"

You turn to glare at him, " I am not here for you. I'm doing Dacre a favor. He needed a plus one, here I am. You're not part of it."

Your words hit him as his heart sinks. You aren't here for him. Even though this was his birthday party.

" Only took you a couple of months to get over me. Huh?" he asks, chuckling to himself not really believing it. He wasn't over you, he had pushed you into the back of his mind.

You don't utter a word to him.

" I hope he makes you happy" Joe says as he walks up the steps, " enjoy my party" he says slipping on his mask as he heads inside leaving you in the garden. You wanted to scream at him, to tell him he was an idiot. But you let him go, you stood there looking down at your mask in your hands when something drapes over your shoulder.

" Let me take you home" Dacre's voice fills your ears. You turn around to face him with tears in your eyes. He kisses your forehead as brings you into his arms.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

Let me know if you want me to continue this and let me know what you want to see in the next chapter.

[prismatoxic]

I know you've been having oc brainrot recently, (which, fucking epic btw I just now found out about those guys and they're really fucking interesting too) I was just wondering if you had anything sitting in your brain about promises to keep specifically, something about them that you just can't stop thinking about? Or a thing you really enjoy about their dynamic? Even something completely unrelated to chilaios that you always think about. I'd rlly love to hear abt what makes you tick!

this is such a nice ask wtf

glad you like the sillies, they fill my brain with worms. but as for ptk and/or chilaios...

i do still rotate ptk in my mind fairly frequently, and was actually re-reading it recently so try and get back into the headspace for it. (i got to chapter 4, i have to get back to it soon.) i do have a variety of disorganized thoughts about it

i've been deliberately drawing out the sex stuff, obviously. to tell you the truth i'm not someone who's beholden to realism; i chose to have them actually work their way up to penetration, and actually realistically negotiate the daddy kink, because i thought it fit the tone of the story and would draw things out in a satisfactory way. it also gives me time to explore the different ways their inexperience manifests, show them learning each other's bodies and desires, and explore chilchuck's view of his own body and his relationship to his gender via sex over a longer period of time.

which brings me to another part i put a lot of thought into--chilchuck's gender! i am a fan of a lot of interpretations of him, both cis and transmasc in ways other than what i've been writing. i have plans for at least one fic where he's post top surgery and on T. but i chose to make him pre-everything in ptk for a few reasons, and i'm honestly really pleased with the portrayal. some things i haven't gotten to mentioning yet are that half-foot names are considered unisex (not a headcanon i always go with, but i am fond of it), and he did voice training after he came out. it was more accessible than, like, hormones, at least back in kahka brud, and then he ended up pregnant anyway which delayed doing anything. eventually he decided he didn't really need any of it, anyway. (sorry to deprive everyone of tdick chilchuck 😔.) i like exploring his dysphoria, where it exists versus the many places where he's moved past it, his relationship to sex as a trans man and his concerns about a gay cis man wanting him... while i do insert some of my own experiences into the narrative, chilchuck's transgenderism does manifest in several ways mine doesn't, and it's really fun to figure out what makes sense for him.

speaking of things that are fun to figure out: worldbuilding!! i was told early on that the casual inclusion of "the dungeon age" as a phrase was a really genius method of suggesting the state of the world without exposition, and it very much went to my head, lmao. i do exposition every so often, but only when someone in the conversation doesn't already have the information. so laios explaining monsters and their history, and chilchuck explaining the social structures around half-foots and the differences between kahka brud and the northern continent, are easy ways to try and build on the world i've made--make readers see my vision--without it seeming too out of place. i do hope i'm doing that well, i worry about it when i'm not being subtle, lmao.

other than that--i've set up several plot threads i intend to follow through on later. i really enjoy calling back to earlier things, big or small, and using them in ways people might not expect. (like chekov's plastic wrap from chapters 3 and 10. sorry, chilchuck.) i also thought of a new one while rereading that i think will slot into the narrative nicely. it's going to be a fun ride!!

i hope any of this was interesting :')

[izzy-b-hands]

Rambling abt the half dream half nightmare that woke me up today below the cut. feel free to ignore, just need to vent it out somewhere. Probably going to include me talking abt Current Family Issues and Feelings so. yeah. TW for mentions of someone in hospital, death, religion, and overall family dysfunction lmao

I know that ultimately, right now, if something big and/or terrible happened medically to anyone in my family back in ND, I wouldn't be able to go see them. The money just isn't there (part of why I'm not going out there this summer nor are they coming out here at all.) I've accepted it, and I try not to think abt it.

That said, LOVE (read: HATE) my brain deciding a hyper realistic yet weird dream abt my mum winding up in hospital is the way to go this morning. Complete with:

-her bf refusing to speak to me abt it, and telling me not to bother going to visit her in the weird, somehow existing in both CT and ND simultaneously, hospital with a 'haven't you already been enough of a burden to her?'

-me staying in my grandparent's old house in ND, and for some reason that meant being wildly unable to get ready to go to the hospital. Finding my clothes was nearly impossible, but. all their old decorations were back up on the wall so even as I was searching for them I like. Didn't want to leave? As if the house would revert back to being sold like it has been irl, if i left it. Finally I wound up just stealing clothes from my grandfather's side of their closet (specifically his old 80s styled 'eagle on a tree branch' print sweater that he got forced to toss a few years ago bc it was becoming more holes than sweater, and one of his old, big leather jackets. somehow i found jeans that fit me, idk how considering i can't seem to do that irl rn but i digress)

-me showing up to the hospital FINALLY only for Noel Fielding?? to be sitting outside it with a friend dressed in what i can only describe as absolutely gorgeous future techno witch clothing. Unfortunately they were fucking dicks in this dream and scared the shit out of me by joking that 'it was so nice I'd shown up still despite the worst' and implying my mum had already passed. Noel did shout apologies as i stomped off inside and that as far as he knew she was still okay, but his friend is the one who handed me a wrapped in plastic, small, metal stool with a weird cartoon face on the seat so i could 'sit with her body, like sitting shiva, right?' (not like that at all to my knowledge, but then again my family has rarely to never fully followed any of the various religious rituals around death, we just. take the bits the dead person liked from them and ignore the rest, for better or for worse. Maybe that's just what happens when a family is a mishmash of various christian sorts from Catholic to Protestant with the hidden knowledge that actually, prior to ppl moving to the States, ppl in the family were Jewish but inter-marrying into Catholic families for safety-sake, and so any Jewish traditions used now are done wrongly and weirdly and in odd bits and pieces. At least that's as much as I've been told/have found out abt it, anyway)

-I proceed into this stupidly fancy and open concept hospital, to immediately find a hugr crowd mucking up the elevators (crowding the elevator bank and refusing to let others on.) That's where Con showed up, and helped me make it up the ridiculously wide, roundish staircases (think like. wide rounded stage steps, but for each level of this hospital), while also trying soothe me by telling me Housemate was already here and waiting for me, so were my grandparents and even Mum's bf (he promised to keep him away from me lol, it was v sweet in an otherwise filled with anxiety dream.)

-however, as we were struggling up the steps (also full of crowds, pushing each other around, so we literally had to hold hands and hold onto the railings and walls to avoid being shoved down the stairs), he kept hesitating on saying more abt mum. He tried to distract me by mentioning that, since I was here, the docs might want me to address some of my own health issues but that he wouldn't let them force me into any treatment i didn't want. Then he finally alluded to mum being in worse straits than I'd been told abt and said something to the effect of 'doing only what you can, not what she or others would expect of you' and 'not to set yourself on fire to keep someone else alive' plus admitting he was deeply worried my family was abt to force me into a big decision that absolutely wasn't the ONLY treatment option that would help mum, but it was implied to be the one mum's bf and my grandparents were pushing for.

-still dunno exactly what that option was, but just before i woke up i started hearing the latter part of the song Gethsemane from JCS (Housemate and I have been watching various versions irl this weekend lol), specifically the bit where Jesus dares/begs/etc God to see how he dies. This was accompanied by me finally reaching my mum's hospital room, and a stupid bright light emanating from it and like. Not to critique my own brain and the dream it created, but that was far too on the nose for me personally lmao.

-and I woke up thinking abt the call with my grandparents that I had on Thursday (didn't go super poorly but went. kind of weird and uncomfortable and confirmed again that like. they're happy for me being out here in CT, yet at the same time hold it and my happiness against me to some unconscious degree as originally outright confirmed by Mum in an earlier call her and I had like. Tail end of last year lmao. the main crux seeming to be 'why couldn't i find happiness in ND/what's wrong with all of them/why wasn't i willing to keep trying to make my life work in ND regardless of my happiness/don't i know how hard it is without my being there to help everyone whenever they ask/etc family bullshit')

And now I'm laying here thinking. If the Worst would happen for any of them, they would fully expect me to empty my bank accounts and do whatever else i had to, to get to ND not just to see them, but to help. to take care of as much as possible for them (mum and grandma get decision paralysed by sad/scary life events, my aunt is so uncomfortable with sickness and death she won't do hospital visits or funerals at all anymore for anyone, my cousins...are young enough they won't know how to handle it/won't want to, my grandpa tends to just shut down and isolate when things go to shit, and that's not to say that they all don't still get done things that need doing in these situations, but that they DO all usually need prodding and help and have leaned on me for that since i was a kid.)

And i would of course want to see them/help however i could, but. not to that extent. not to the point that I'd have nothing for myself, no money or help (bc they're not in a position to return that help or money to me, and they'd be so emotional as to likely be extremely offended and upset if i mentioned needing help myself.)

That said, I'm sick of silently daring them to watch me die just for their sakes, even tho i do still love them all dearly. and of course, that's entirely too dramatic but at the same time, Mum and I have had convos abt 'what if there's a shooting somewhere that we're at, how do we handle it, how are we attempting to protect each other' and Mum always says she would take a bullet for me, but she didn't protest when i say that I'd take one for her or anyone else in the family first. Last time she just nodded like. yeah. of course you would. so. Feelings, abt all of this.

If u actually read this full thing that was A. very sweet of u and i appreciate that u care abt my silly lil fucked up brain enough to do that (genuinely, I'm v grateful) and b. here is a pic of Nisha as what little compensation i can give for u reading this long ass ramble lol

[firespirited]

Finally got to the Doctor, turns out she's been dealing with a family emergency all December (no she's not a trauma dumper, I'm the type who asks... and listens for 40 minutes because, well, clearly she hasn't been asked by many and needed to vent about bureaucracy and paperwork and difficult family members)

So that explains why she's been technically Not on holiday but also Not available.

Gonna do stool sample number three!!! *sarcastic confetti and noisemakers* with very careful wording and hope the lab don't mess up again along with a blood test for another potential GI tract hijacker.

If that falls through, we have to find out why malabsorbtion is happening with tubes that go down and up my tubes à moi. Probably 'up' given the severe daily pains in the lower intestines.

I'm terrified of intestinal cramping during a colonoscopy causing a tear in the guts and being one of the fatal 1% but have a plan to inform everyone and sharpie warnings on my arms if it ever comes to that exam. Yes, that's getting way ahead of ourselves: Adhd brain and medical trauma means I had 5-10 brain tabs open on next step risks and pitfalls within a second of her saying the word specialist.

I forgot to inform her that I've been eating leafy greens, iron supplements and cheap chicken bits to fight the anemia so if it's not as bad as expected it's because I'm horfing down whatever iron I can get ... my bp was below nine during the appointment, could barely stay on track.

Guess I'll shoot her an email after my blood test. Might need to confirm if she expected me to auto up my bp meds without asking permission (I've been living in, like, zombie mode because that hadn't occurred to me)

So she's back, we have another option to explore, she might medicate the symptoms of malabsorbtion if it looks ugly on the tests. Progress? I think? Hope at least.

Getting 'we didn't test for candida' on the second, now more clearly marked, candida test on the 26th of December was a massive blow as I'd stupidly staked so much hope on that test. 'We will neither confirm nor deny we did a candida test because we're being pedantic about precise precriptions' over the phone a few days later wasn't reassuring either. And my dr had been on call but not replying to phone or email since early dec which was concerning.

______________

For your edutainment: here's how to do a stool sample.

If the pot is nice and big like it could contain two glasses of orange juice, you're in luck you can probably go right in it. Most are smaller single OJ if not single yoghurt plastic pots.

So first, pee. Very important step, you may pee later but at least it's less mess. Get some cling film (saran wrap) and carry a cut sheet to the loo (rather than bringing a kitchen item into your toilet room) , drape it over the back 3/4 of your toilet under the seat so there's a little poo catcher nook and make sure its well attached on both sides.

Do your poo, stuff toilet paper between your cheeks, open the pot. Get up, turn around, use the poo pot to gather a sample, close pot with loo paper. Pull down cling film at an angle and wash cling film in flush water, place it in a doggie poop bag to go in the trash.

Wipe bottom, flush again.

Wash outside of stool pot carefully, wash your hands carefully. Put stool pot in an opaque marked bag in the fridge far from food, more towards closed sauces until someone with a car can drop it off. Copro Culture takes 3 days, if you have internet access to results you could have them then.

Very important to remember : unless you have a blessèd routine involving a morning coffee and precise timing. This could take several attempts and several cling film sheets. Do not get up too fast to grab that pot if you have POTS or feel in any way drained - I promise it can wait, nearly passing out face first over a toilet with a film poop ledge is not great. Still better than most people's uninformed attempt at collecting a normal sized poo in the undersized pot!

In the same way, pee samples are 'pass under the stream briefly' not sample the whole pee. Entire pee samples come with a bottle sized pot: ask for two, we hydrate better than previous generations.

[hangon-silvergirl]

What's your favourite thing you've written this year? Can be a whole story, a chapter, a line or piece of dialogue, a turn of phrase - anything!

My favorite thing that I've written this year is the first scene that I wrote for Marigold (it's from chapter two), and writing it was what made me decide to publish the story (and ultimately the buzz as well). I'd been out of fandom for a couple of years at that point, had even deleted my original tumblr, and I was honestly really hesitant to start publishing fanfic again.

This particular idea, however, haunted me for like two weeks before I finally hashed it out, and writing it really made me really want to share it with people. Marigold has had a very clear start, middle, and end for me right from the beginning, and it all took shape around this little section:

Bowie wraps up and Dio starts playing Rainbow in the Dark. Chrissy preens, starts crooning; she loves this song. It might be her favorite, next to Uptown Girl. It’s a song she’d stumbled on, discovered while watching MTV at a house party last fall. She’s not generally into this sort of music--hard and heavy, usually aggressive--but Chrissy believes firmly that every genre has exceptions, songs that are for anybody and everybody, and this song is one of those; a gateway drug for metal music. “Lost my hold to the shadows of the night,” she sings quietly. Chrissy queues up at the til behind the only other customer in the store. She absentmindedly takes in his height and broad shoulders and long curly hair, which is pulled into a loose bun at the nape of his neck. There’s a joint tucked behind his ear, and the well-conditioned, prudish part of Chrissy’s brain thinks well that’s brazen. He’s wearing a worn and faded black t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and jeans made of more holes than denim. He’s wearing a chain, and he’s got a nice butt. There’s a Slim Jim, a package of Twinkies, and two stacked cartons of Pall Malls on the counter in front of him, and he’s drumming his long fingers against the plastic of the lottery ticket display. His fingers are full of rings. Abruptly Chrissy’s brain catches up with what she’s looking at, specifically that she's been casually checking out Eddie Munson. She tenses immediately and her eyes go wide. Shit. Chrissy doesn’t want him to see her. She’s enjoying this however-brief foray into a version of Hawkins where she’s got a little anonymity, where she's not Chrissy Cunningham. She’s not ready for the spell to be broken, to turn into a pumpkin, to hear her mother’s ugly words again (not after just resolving to stamp them out of her subconscious). She wants to eat, actually eat the chili dog in her hand. Chrissy takes a couple of steps backward, glancing frantically around for an escape route, considers ducking behind a shelf and spying on him from behind the bags of corn nuts. It’s too late, though. Eddie starts turning around, and he does so in slow motion. His mouth is twisting into a grin. His fringe and the loose curls around his face bounce. He’s leaning against the gum rack, and one of his legs is bouncing too, fingers still tap-tap-tapping away. “Great song--” he starts to say, but Eddie stops dead in both movement and words the second he and Chrissy make eye contact. Obvious recognition flits across his face. “Oh dang,” she all but whispers. Chrissy would shrink, the way she always does, it’s what she wants to do, make herself so small she just disappears; she wishes she could fold herself into the walk-in fridge with the bags of milk, or climb into the ice machine. Her arms are laden with glorious garbage, though, so she’s stuck. She’s on display like an exhibit in a museum: Unhinged, Spiraling Cheerleader - 1985. Chrissy starts chewing on her bottom lip, heat rising unbidden in her cheeks, because of course it does. (She must look absolutely insane.) Eddie seems to struggle to take in everything--her food, her clothes, her music, her very existence in this 7/11--it looks like he’s trying to mentally solve a very complicated math problem. “Chrissy Cunningham?” he asks, profoundly confused. She nods, mutely. He nods back slowly. “You’re listening to Dio.” This is a statement, not a question. “Um,” she manages. “Yes?” He blinks. “Oh.”

Thanks for the ask, @notquitecogent 🥰