#I've talked to my boy (astarion). my sweet boy

[spiritsong]

about to play bg3 for the first time in over a month o mg

(new kisses will elude me for a while longer unforch. ALMOST there)

[tomurakii]

I want to romance Astarion for my durge run but my resolve weakens every time I speak to Gale while Astarion refuses to like me more than Medium

[fanfics-with-coffee]

To be kind, To be a fool

This has only been proofread and edited by a sleep deprived me sooooo, I also wrote it in a daze from 1AM to 6AM. I'm back in my Baldurs Gate 3 hole and I've been so very inspired from so many other fanfic writers I got back on this blog

You did it, you saved the prisoners from Moonrise Towers and everybody is back, safe and sound at least for tonight. You and Astarion are holding back from the festivities, instead talking about your act of heroism and why you do it. You say you choose to be kind for who else will, he says you're choosing to be a fool for what else is kindness if not foolish.

Genre: Angst, hurt/comfort Pairing: Astarion x reader Words: 4400

Its doubtful if Last Light Inn had been quite so lively as when you returned in the raggedy old boat with the prisoners from Moonrise Towers. Once they had been cleared, everyone had ran to their loved ones or simply rejoiced in the warmth of the fire, ever burning away the darkness that threatened to creep inside any crevice it could get it's cold claws into. And of course they soothed their dry throats with the little wine and ale that was left behind when the shadow curse had blanketed the land. The two boys manning the bar were running around relentlessly, trying their best to fill every empty goblet and mug they could spot, leaving no one without a drink. It’d probably only be hours before Jaheira had to call it a night so they wouldn’t run out of the little liquid joy they had left. But until then, the celebrations were loud and proud.

For a moment, things were bright, despite the dark sky. 

“What a ruckus, you could almost think that Lathander himself had been in attendance.” Astarion mused, one hand gracefully swirling a glass of wine while the other rested on his upper arm. He was leaning against the wall beside you in a corner of the inn that hadn’t been filled with people. Not that it was difficult, even with the prisoners free it was barely enough to fill the tables and chairs. You smiled, watching the tieflings try to catch up after the devastating nights apart. 

“If Lathander was here, I think there’d be a lot more dancing on tables and a lot more wine.”

“True… And a lot more fucking.” Astarion replied with that signature cheeky smile he always pulls when he’s said something salacious or teasing. You couldn’t help but laugh at his comment, nodding along to his line of thought. He wasn’t wrong. 

“You’re probably right. Well at least we could let these people see another dawn, I think in a sense maybe Lathander really is here.” You pull your eyes from the happy faces and let them reflect in your mug of ale before downing another mouthful of it. The smooth, delicate taste of honey coats your tastebuds and leaves a pleasant warmth in your stomach.

“I didn’t take you for the god honoring type, you know? Besides, these people didn’t need Lathander, they had their own little ray of sunshine coming to their rescue anyways. Our own little goody-two-shoe altruist in shining armor.” He teases you, reminding you that there weren’t any gods in the belly of Moonrise Towers. Yet beneath the lighthearted tone you detected something else, a familiar bitterness and disapproval that he had given you before. That he gave you whenever you did something ‘too nice’, ‘too self sacrificing’ or ‘too cheaply’. You had long ago started ignoring it, instead taking it as a sign you probably did the right thing.

“Mmmh, mayhaps. I mean we were there anyways, and I wouldn’t have wanted to be left there to the Absolutists if I was stuck either.” You give him an answer you know he’ll hate and you made sure to slather some extra kindness in there as well just to really make a point. “And I find enough reward in watching these people.”

Astarion rolls his eyes hard enough you worry they’re gonna get stuck to the back of his head. You watch him, unable to hold in a laugh as he pretends to vomit from how ‘disgustingly sweet’ you are. You don’t say anything for a moment as he lets his eyes roam the room, the soft light of the torches reflecting upon his white locks of hair. You can see the disgust in his eyes as he watches them, and you could only guess as to why he felt so strongly about your acts of kindness. 

“I can’t wait to see the day you realize that none of these people would do the same for you… When someone betrays your kindness and I can stand there and laugh, telling you ‘I told you so’.”

He says it nonchalantly, as if it’s a fact. He let’s his own hatred for the world seep through every syllable yet he hides it behind a face that says he doesn’t care. You expected comments like this to come from him, you expected resistance to helping the helpless. Yet something about his words right now makes your chest tighten in anger, the notion that you were simply too stupid to realize that not everyone was kind. That he was maybe smarter and more experienced than you for seeing the cruelness in the world. You turn sharply to face him, slamming your mug down a little too harshly on a table close by. Astarions eyes meet yours, he never expected you to react like this, you had never before raised your voice at him. The air has grown tense. 

“Astarion, I am kind. I am not a fool, and you should do well to remember that there is a difference.” Your words are sharp yet you’re thankful no one else has seemed to notice you two. “I know that people will hurt me, and betray me. That people will not always do the same as I would’ve done. But if I don’t help, then who will? I have the power to make a change and I’ve chosen to use that power. You don’t have to agree, but you’re not allowed to tell me that I am wrong for deciding to be kind.”

He can see the hurt in your eyes as you correct him. That it’s not a question about your own navïte making you help others, but the fact you put conscious effort into being kind, despite the risk it has. Cold, uncomfortable embarrassment washes over him like ice water. A feeling he despises and so he sets it alight with anger instead, feeling himself burn with it as he finds himself again. His fingers clench around the half empty glass of wine he continues to hold onto. Thoughts swirl around in his head, trying to find the ones that will hurt the most, a painful payback for embarrassing him.

“And pray tell what is the difference? You waste not just your own time helping these idiots, but ours too. We were here to find a cure, yet all we’ve done is listen to sob stories and rescue people who will most likely die on the road to Baldurs Gate anyways. What kind of fool would waste so much energy and time on things that will lead to the exact same result anyways, I believe that’s actually what people call insanity.” He makes himself appear taller as he pushes himself off the wall and stands in front of you, scowling as he meets your gaze. 

How dare you tell him that he’s wrong? After 200 years of cruel torment and nights spent around people who could not give less of a shit about him, you’re telling him there’s people out there that care? And if so then it’s even worse, because that would mean no one simply knew he was in pain. Was Astarions own torment not enough for people to even notice?

No, he knows what he went through. No one cares about others' torment unless there’s something in it for them, even if just so they could feel a little better about themselves and comes at no expense of theirs. It’s always just about ourselves, Astarion just skips the other steps and puts himself first. Why could you just not do the same? Why did you have to go out of your way for anyone else?

“Fine, call me a fool. Insane, även. Say what you want about me, Astarion, but I will always choose to be kind. I’m sorry no one made that choice for you before, I am. B-”

“Do not tell me about kindness, y/n, there is no altruistic kindness like the one you speak of it’s a performance people put on for others.” His words are cold and sharp, they bite into your heart in much the same way his teeth pierce your skin. Painful. “We should all put ourselves first, it’s what everyone wants to do anyways! Skip the damn pleasantries and just be honest about it at the very least. I’m tired of having to look beyond the kindness just to see their true intentions.”

He’s rambling without thinking, remembering all the kind words and touches he’s received just because someone wanted to get in his pants. All the faux acts of kindness he watched Cazador perform so he could get what he wanted, or even just to make sure whatever cruel act he had in mind would hurt even more. All the nights in the beginning where he debated how he could save a victim, just to realize he’d get nothing but pain in return. The kind acts he himself performed in hopes of receiving something kind in return. 

The way he seduced you just to make sure he had safe passage to Baldurs Gate, to a cure. 

You were left speechless, caught off-guard by the outburst of emotions. You knew he was selfish but this was rooted deeper and maybe you should’ve realized when he had finally told you about Cazador and his ‘siblings’. You clenched your hands, trying to find something to refute his points. To prove him wrong. Yet you have nothing of worth to sooth his pain. He sees your hesitations and assumes he’s finally gotten through to you, he’s won. His red eyes leave yours to once again look at the others smiling faces, not wanting you to see the disappointment grow in him as he realizes he was right.

“So you’ve never been kind just to be kind?”

“No. Never.”

He rakes a hand through his hair, letting the motion tilt his head back as he finally raises his glass of wine, downing the rest of it. The sudden action makes the glass flow over the corners of his mouth and the deep red liquid coats his chin and drips down on his chest, staining the white fabric of his shirt. It bleeds into the criss-cross stitching and travels further down before he has time to react. 

You gasp and grab an old handkerchief stuffed in your pocket, quickly moving to try and save his favorite shirt. It's instinctual, thoughtless. Even when you’re mad at him and even though he’s furious at you, you try to help him. As soon as the cloth touches him, shame spreads like a disease through him, regret taking root in his chest somewhere where his beating heart should’ve been. 

He hates it.

“Don’t touch me.” He bites back, snatching the handkerchief from your hand to do the job himself. You instantly step back, putting your hands up to make sure you give him space.

“Tsk, I’m going to bed. Good night, y/n.” He’s aggressively dabbing at the stain as he starts walking away, trying to soak up as much as possible but it’s clear it's a useless endeavor, it will forever remain stained.

“Astarion!” You call out to him before he gets too far and he stops momentarily, turning to finally look at you. 

He’s met with pity reflecting off of your eyes in the lowly lit room. 

He hates it.

You say something else but suddenly the sounds of the celebrations drown out whatever it was. He doesn’t even try to listen and simply turns around to find the room that he had been given as a thank you from Jaheira. He didn’t need your pity, he didn’t tell you about his past because he wanted your pity, anyone would feel pity for him if he told them what had happened to him. He wanted you to… care. Foolishly, he wanted you to care about him, about what had happened to him. He wanted you to listen to his issues and maybe, just maybe, you’d want to help him like you helped everyone else around you. And maybe you’d do something without asking for anything in return. 

Yet tonight, he reminded himself that no such thing as true kindness existed. And to expect you to care about him despite who he was at his core was foolish itself. Your kindness came at a cost he hadn’t even thought about; You expected him to change in return for your kindness. He was mean, he was selfish and he wouldn’t let you change him for anything.

He turns to close the door to the room he was staying in, the feeling of his shirt clinging to his chest uncomfortable and wet. Astarions eyes find you in the same corner he left you, yet your eyes didn’t meet. Gale and Karlach had come up to you, pulling your attention to them. You had quickly started smiling and laughing again, one hand on Karlachs shoulder in a calming manner. 

Why had he even let himself hope that you would follow after him?

He closed the door.

The hours dragged on, the darkness in the Shadowlands making day and night nearly indistinguishable. The only thing that made time feel real was the ever waning torches, slowly burning out. And while you felt like it must’ve been a fortnight of drinking, laughing and talking, it can’t actually have been more than three hours based on how many torches had already burned out and been replaced. You had been convinced to join Karlach by the grill, Wyll telling stories of his time as the Blade of Frontiers in the soft glow. You listened and laughed, at points discussing the actual validity of these stories. But in the back of your mind, you couldn’t let the thought of Astarion go. He hadn’t left the room he was staying in, all alone in there, perhaps still trying to clean the shirt he always seemed to wear. 

As people finally sated themselves and found their companions, the celebrations died down to  a quiet mumble amongst those unable to sleep. The children had long ago been told to head to bed, only occasionally peeking their heads out from the dorm or coming out to ask for a late night snack. Jaheira herself had taken over the bartending but was now stuck pleasantly talking with some fists that had sat down after their patrol shift. Even most of your companions had headed to bed, either in the dorm or at camp depending on their preference, Astarion had specifically called dibs on the single private room. 

“Well, I think it’s best I call it a night as well!” Karlach stood up and stretched her muscular arms over her head. “You should do the same, soldier, can’t have our tactician getting sloppy!” She smiled at you, expectantly putting her hands on her hips as she waited for you to stand up and walk with her.

“Oh, I think I’m going to stay up just a little more. I’m sorta enjoying the quiet murmur in here, and I haven’t really had the time to speak with Jaheira since we came back.” You lied, trying to give her a convincing smile. But you couldn’t hold her eyes with yours, instead turning your head to watch the door to Astarions room, trying to make it look casual. 

“Riiight… You know, I don’t know what’s going on between you and fangs but I wouldn’t take anything he says to heart. He’s sorta dumber than he wants us to think, so whatever he told you… Eh well, I dunno, I’m not the smartest myself.” She laughs at herself, the alcohol having had an effect on her after quite a few bottles. “But I am the strongest! So if he needs  a good assbeating then I’m here for ya. I know he can say some pretty rude stuff at times even if he doesn’t mean it. What is it people say? Hurt people, hurt people?”

“You’re right Karlach...” You smile at her, she may say that she’s not smart but she knows people better than most. “But it’s fine between me and Astarion, we just had a disagreement but it’s nothing to worry about, I don’t think. Though I know an assbeating wouldn’t help, but I appreciate the offer.”

“Well if you say so, soldier! I’ll see you in the morning then I guess.” She gives you a hard pat on your back before leaving, yawning loudly as she walks towards the dorm room, softly ‘shoo’-ing another tiefling child back into the room.

You spend some time just watching the embers of the firepit burn, feeling the heat hitting your face in waves and drying out your lips. You drink the last of the wine in your cup and lick your lips, standing from the stool to leave the empty cup at the bar. Your eyes find the wooden door again and you spend a long moment debating if it’s a good idea. Facing Astarion right now would be awkward and draining, it would even risk you two blowing up at each other again. Yet you know he was hurt, that much was obvious.

The knock is soft and you’re uncertain if he could even hear it over the sound of the fireplace in the room. You consider that maybe he had gone to bed in the end, it had been hours since you saw him after all. 

“Astarion? Can I come in?” You call out softly, afraid to wake him if he was in trance but wanting to give it at least one more shot before you give up. It takes a moment but suddenly the door opens ever so slightly, just enough to let you know it was open but not enough to see him in the doorway. You take that as a ‘yes’ and carefully push it open further. You hadn’t even heard his footsteps come to the door nor leave, yet when you slip through the crack of the door he’s sitting on the bed. The room is dark, long shadows being cast from the dying fire. The moon lights up his pale skin and even paler hair, reflecting off of him as a glow. His legs are crossed and he’s leaned back on his hands, his chest exposed. He looks as if he’s made of marble, his chest doesn’t even move with breaths as you watch him, a quirk of his vampirism you’ve realized. You make sure to close the door behind you, never turning away. 

Neither of you say anything. There’s a book open  next to him on the bed, it’s the sequel of some book he had picked up early on in your adventure. You had gotten the sequel for him after he expressed his enjoyment for the first one, it had cost you a gold but it was worth it. You stare at it, unwilling to meet his gaze directly. Yet his is firmly placed on you, indifferent and icy.

“Well? Were you just here to get your handkerchief back or did you want something?” He spoke first, raising an eyebrow.

“...Is it as good as the first book?” You ask, finally looking him in the eyes. He furrows his brows before he looks at the book next to him, realizing what you meant.

“It’s decent. I liked the twist in the first book so it has a lot to live up to, but it’s an enjoyable read. But I’m sure you’re not here for some midnight book club so out with it. What do you want?” He’s clearly pushing you away, but the fact that he opened the door when he heard it was you must mean he’s willing to listen.

“I wanted to come see how you were doing. Did you manage to get the stain out of your shirt?”

“I’m fine, thank you. And no, I did not, I will have to try to find someone who knows prestidigitation to get it out, I believe. Now if you excuse me, I’d quite like to get back to my bo-” He’s about to pick his book back up, clearly done with the conversation if you weren’t going to get to any point.

“I also wanted to apologize.” 

He raises an eyebrow and looks at you, giving you his full attention and newfound interest in the conversation.

“I snapped at you, and while I don’t think I was in the wrong for doing that-” He rolls his eyes, making it clear he disagrees with you but he lets you keep talking. “I shouldn’t have made it sound like being kind was an effortless choice and that you always can and should choose. It’s not easy every single time. So I’m sorry.” You try to gauge his reaction, see if he gives you any sort of response. He doesn’t at first, his face difficult to make out in the drastic lighting. The distance between you may only be a couple meters but right now you feel like there's kingdoms between you.

“...You say that yet you make it seem so damn easy. You never question why someone needs help, if it’s their own fault for getting themselves in that situation. You never assume people have any other intentions than what they tell you up front. You’re kind as effortlessly as some breathe.” He spits out the words as if they’re venom, once again speaking as if he believes you’re a fool. “Even to me, you’re kind. You ask me about my wounds, if I like the books I read, if I’m comfortable, where I learned to sew… I thought you were just trying to get in my bed at first, something I’m used to. I’ve given my body to countless ‘kind souls’, but now I’ve realized you just want me to be another victim you saved. Another person you’ve fixed. So you can play hero and get all the love and praise that entails. ‘Hero of Faerûn saves poor vampire spawn! Look at this poor sucker!’” He uses his hands to show off the fake headlines.

“Pun intended.” There's a sarcastic smile on his face as he stands up, grabbing your bloodied and wine stained handkerchief from the bed table before approaching you.

“That’s not why I did those things, Astarion, please. I care about you, just liste-”

“Well jokes on you, your kindness has been wasted on me. I’ve used you for my own gain, you know?” He throws your handkerchief against your chest, forcing you to clutch it so as to not let it fall. “I played with you just as easily as any other poor fool I’d find in Baldurs Gate’s whorehouses. You were ridiculously easy, just a few kind words and charming smiles and you were wrapped around my finger! Not that I blame you, have you seen me? I’m hard to resist. But it’s time to drop the pleasantries, the kindness, you’ve just been a tool for me to find a way to survive and I’ve just been another notch in your belt. But I am not another helpless pawn for you to feel good about ‘fixing’. I am pessimistic, I am selfish, I am merciless and I am cruel, and you won’t ever be able to change that.” He finally finishes his monologue, still forgetting to mimic the act of breathing as he stands before you in eerie silence. There’s a sense of vulnerability within his eyes despite his posture. Like a cornered animal lashing out in a desperate attempt to be left alone, to not be hurt.

You’re standing close to him now, mere decimeters away from each other's bodies. Yours heated and warm and his forever cold to the touch. You move slowly when you finally decide what you want to say, what you need him to realize. His eyes notice your hand raising and he tenses up even further, preparing him for what? He’s not sure. Then your hand reaches his face, softly cupping his cheek with your palm. Your heat exchanges with his, your hand slowly warming his skin while yours cools to the touch. He’s in shock, unable to say or do anything, just watching your face to try and read what your intentions are.

“I’ve tried to tell you, even before you went in here. I will always choose to be kind to you, Astarion, just as you are.”

He finally sucks in air, his lips parting to make sure his lungs fill fully and it’s as if it's his first breath since he died in that alley. That’s what you had tried to tell him before he left. You smile, moving your hand to brush a strand of his hair out of his face, observing his features. The dark, angry and nearly sadistic expression he carried before when he was trying to hurt you has washed away, leaving only the face of a lost young man standing before you. Eyes wide and mouth agape as you fully brushed off all the cruel things he said to you. Could he do nothing to scare you away, force you to back off? Keep you locked out of his heart?

He closes his mouth finally, eyes cast down to the floor as shame once again flowers in his chest, the thorns digging into every nerve.

“Even when I make it a difficult choice?” He asks quietly, shyly.

“Yes, even when it’s a difficult choice. But I don’t find it difficult to care for you Astarion. If you let me… I wouldn’t even find it difficult to love you.” You laugh a little, the question was silly to you after all. 

“You really are a fool.” A smile forms on his lips, the smile lines you’ve always adored finally showing themselves and his eyes as softening. He could never understand you, you’d never make sense to him. No matter how many times he thinks he has you pegged, you always go over and beyond his expectations. And once he thinks you’ve reached your limit on kindness, he finds a little more, even for a monster like him. His hands, which had consistently remained at his sides until now, moved up to find your hips. Astarion pulled you in closer to him, soaking in your heat and digging his head into the crook of your neck. You can’t help but laugh again, loud and happy, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him even closer to you.

“I will always be kind, even if it does make me a fool.”

[fandomchokehold]

Musical Songs I Think The Boys™ Would Do a Burlesque Number To

*obviously these are only ones I've listened to, I wasn't a theater kid and don't really know much about plays and musicals, please don't be weird or mean in the notes 😭 and YES as a huge ABBA fan I know all the songs in Mamma Mia are just ABBA songs*

also this is way longer than I intended so there's more under the cut

Solos

Astarion - "Sweet Transvestite" from Rocky Horror Picture Show

this one is pretty obvious and expected but like !!! yeah !!! that's just him !!! he'd do the full routine, coming up in the elevator, throwing the cloak off to reveal the slutty lil outfit he has on underneath, throwing his drink at the audience while Gale Brad is talking, lounging on the throne, and then leaving mysteriously in the elevator OH BABY !!!

Wyll - "Land of Lola" from Kinky Boots

he would absolutely slay this routine, the lyrics are practically about him - "with arms as hard as steel" "with the moves of Fred Astaire" "I'm black jesus, I'm black mary, but this mary's legs are hairy" ??? I need this man to absolutely let loose and I NEED to see him in those cunty thigh high boots 👏 RED 👏 IS 👏 HIS 👏 COLOR !!!!

Gale - "Toucha Toucha Touch Me" from Rocky Horror Picture Show

I honestly just think he'd be really good at playing the part of the "innocent shy reserved man who does a complete 180 after being exposed to pure unbridled sexuality"; we all know he's not actually like that it's fully an act because he knows he has the looks of a tired english professor but the soul of a whore I just- you don't know how badly I need to see him doing a slightly desperate unhinged strip tease on stage on a garrish four poster bed OKAY ?!?!

Halsin - "Toxic Love" from Ferngully

I need him in his pretend villain era, I think he'd be cartoony like if he's gonna work a stage he's gonna werk a stage m'kay; he is actually using this performance to raise awareness about the climate crisis and donate the money he makes towards more accessible clean energy and environmental conservation efforts and would love to provide more info and resources while still in his g-string to all interested parties in the lobby of the venue

Duets

Astarion & Gale - "Planet Schmanet Janet" from Rocky Horror Picture Show

Astarion as Dr. Frank N. Furter, Gale as Janet; we all know this is a trademark Astarion ruse to get to chase a scantily clad Gale around menacingly and torment him in front of an audience, I mean c'mon who wouldn't want to do that 👀

Astarion & Wyll - "Does Your Mother Know?" from Mamma Mia

Astarion as Tanya, Wyll as Pepper (I had to look that up apparently his name is Pepper); I feel like Astarion would identify with Tanya on a spiritual level, they're both wine aunt cougars who love luxury, and after seeing that Wyllstarion interaction where they flirtatiously talk about their age gap this song just really is about them huh

Astarion & Halsin - "I Can Make You a Man" + "I Can Make You a Man (Reprise)" from Rocky Horror Picture Show

Astarion as Dr. Frank N. Furter, Halsin as Rocky; tbh this is just so Astarion can show off the "bounty of nature's gifts" that have been bestowed upon him and Halsin just finds how this twink is climbing him and swinging on his outstretched arm like a jungle gym too amusing to not participate

Gale & Wyll - "Horny Angry Tango" from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

either of them in either role; this is purely for the theatrics and to show off their actual ballroom dance skills, Gale is going to be the one getting dipped though

Gale & Halsin - "La Seine" from A Monster In Paris

Gale as Lucille, Halsin as Francoeur; I can't lie it's purely for the height difference that's totally canon and I didn't make up in my head, the contrast between Gale "Lil 5'8" Wizard" Dekarios and Halsin "The 6'5" Bear" Silverbough is just *chef kiss* 👌

Wyll & Halsin - "Lay All Your Love On Me" from Mamma Mia

either of them in either role; they're lowkey almost fucking on stage, Wyll chose it for the drama and Halsin went along for the overtly sexual choreography

Group Numbers

"Lady Marmalade" from Moulin Rouge

Astarion's favorite and Halsin's least favorite for the same reason: it's extremely flashy and dramatic

"Rose Tint My World" which transitions into "Don't Dream It" from Rocky Horror Picture Show

Astarion as Janet for "RTMW" but Frank for "DDI", Wyll as Columbia, Halsin as Rocky, Gale as Brad, with special guest Elminster as Dr. Scott during "Don't Dream It"

"Haus of Holbein" from SIX

tbh I don't have an explanation for this one I've really only listened to the corsets part and think it's kinda cunt, idk they'd all slay in corsets

"Big Spender" from Sweet Charity

ok just imagine any of them doing Fosse choreography

"Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)" from Mamma Mia

ok just imagine there's stripper poles-

"Cell Block Tango" from Chicago

with special guests Minsc and Volo; no one knows how they got here, Minsc is a bit too uncoordinated but he's got the spirit and Volo was recording everything from the audience for research purposes but saw they were short a character and thought to himself "what better way to learn than through participation?"

[eff-plays]

How do you feel about Wyll's views on his father not changing at all? I felt kinda weird listening to Wyll literally tell his dad "there's nothing to forgive" like he was apologizing for casting out his teenaged son and Wyll's like NAh. He feels the same about that whole situation as he did at the start of the game, I think I would've preferred some sort of change or development? not even something big but denying his fathers apology feels weird, even "I understand and respect why he did it but I wish he just listened instead of assuming I had anything but good intentions" ?? Like he was 17 when he made a deal with a devil to save the city, and he did!!!! But maybe that's just cause I'm mad that Ulders first words after being saved are shitting on Tav for his son being a demon lmaoooo

what are your thoughts on it if you have any xoxo

I have thots, but disclaimers upfront because I will be talking out of my ass for most of this:

All the D&D I've played have been in entirely homebrew worlds, because most of my friends are also writers or at least worldbuilders. So I have no previous experience with the Forgotten Realms or its canon, i.e. I had no idea who Ulder Ravengard was and why Wyll being his son was a big deal, though I assumed he was someone very important.

I never actually um. Finished Act 3. Yeah, I uninstalled the game before I finished it lmao. I kept thinking "oh I'll come back to it once Larian have fixed it!" *looks into the camera like I'm on The Office* I finished Karlach, Astarion, and Wyll's quests, though I didn't start the Ansur part of it because it felt kinda random, and obviously I knew we wouldn't be getting a cool epic dragon for an ally, so I decided to leave that bit for later with the other bigger companion quests like Lae'zel's, Shart's, and Gale's. Jokes on me, right?

But I did save Ulder with Wyll, and did pick the one option to show via tadpole that Wyll is a good sweet boy. And I got the underwhelming "nothing to forgive" reunion. So I do know that part.

I played only like. An hour of early access. And then dropped it and uninstalled the game because it didn't grab me. I certainly didn't meet Wyll, and even if I had, I think it would've been post-rewrites.

Okay, now onto my actual thots. It's extremely long lmao I love yapping.

First of all, I think Ulder disowning Wyll could have actually worked quite well if they'd kept old Wyll, who I hear was kind of an obnoxious, arrogant dude. Like, if your teen son is a bit of a knob, and you're the most important nobleman/politician in an important city, then it "makes sense" to disown him as a disciplinary measure. You know he can take care of himself, you know he's capable of greatness, but he's a bit of a dickhead and needs to grow up. So tell him to leave and maybe in a few years he'll sort himself out. It's fucked up, but it's the sort of thing I can see a guy in this situation and in this world do.

BUT. Wyll isn't an arrogant and obnoxious dude. He's very mature, very kind, and always well-meaning. Nothing indicates this was different when he was a teen. So Ulder disowning him feels disproportionately cruel from the start, and it is, but it also feels like it comes out of nowhere and makes Ulder looks less like a strict parent and a politician doing what he thinks is the best out in a bad situation, and more like ... well, like a fucking asshole. Hence why it feels so fucking unfair and unfinished that Wyll just forgives him, or rather says there's nothing to forgive? It feels like Wyll constantly has to take on the role of the adult, of the emotionally mature one, of the one who is too good-hearted and understanding to ever feel anything negative, while his garbage dad gets to just be a douchebag towards his son without much cause or consequence.

Furthermore, we never get the sense that Ulder feels bad or regrets what he did, or that he's at least conflicted, even with his apology. It's just "Yeah I disowned my son. No I don't expect him to come back better in any way." And then he flips on a dime after a single conversation, so his decision to disown Wyll feels like it was easily undone and not of any consequence. Wyll forgiving him immediately feels just very unearned, and like the narrative itself frames Ulder's actions as understandable? (On that note, showing Ulder some tadpole visions to prove Wyll is good, I prommy, feels so cheap? Like y'all really did that, huh? And Ulder, who assumed the worst when his beloved son showed up in a warlock pact, would just take the vague visions of a stranger when his son looks like a saucy incubus? Ok.)

Now, if Larian had wanted to stick with this, I think it could've worked this way if Wyll was afforded any sort of emotional depth. Like, if Wyll said "there's nothing to forgive" initially, because he loves and deeply respects his father and thinks, logically, that what he did was right, so he tries to justify it to himself in order for that cruel act to make sense. But then he realizes that it still hurts, that it was unfair, that it was cruel, and that he can't forgive his dad, not this easily at least. That initial "nothing to forgive" would've worked excellently as a kneejerk reaction, a defense mechanism, and something for him to later retract when he realizes that "nothing to forgive" means "nothing you do would make me forgive you". That would've been juicy as FUCK.

If Larian had instead wanted to afford Ulder more depth and make us understand his actions (which they wanted to do with Wyll saying there's nothing to forgive, signalling to us that Ulder in some ways was justified), then they should've made Wyll a huge brat as a younger teen. If they'd done that, we as modern players would still find it a bit unfair, but a nobleman disowning his rowdy-ass son for taking an escapade a step to far, to teach him a lesson? That makes sense, doesn't it? It would've been a strict parent thing to do, but assuming Ulder knew his son would make it on his own, cutting him off from the privilege that's turning him into a dickhead would be a sensible course of action. If that's what happened, then it would've also made sense for Ulder to immediately get pissed off when he saw Wyll transformed, because he'd assume that his cringefail son didn't learn his lesson at all. AND it would've made sense for Wyll to say there's nothing to forgive: because he knows he used to be a huge fucking brat, and his Mizora thing would've just looked like another prank Youtuber oopsie to Ulder, who had no reason to believe otherwise.

Now, Larian did neither of these things, or rather, tried to do both without actually committing, because then it would make one of the two look "bad" (i.e. like a real flawed human being). That's why it ends up feeling incongruent and, say it with me now, unfinished. There is no logical progression to their actions, because, say it with me now, nobody bothered to give them consistent motivations or depth.

Here's the two plots laid out in order to illustrate what I think would be logical courses of actions for both characters, compared to what Larian actually did:

1

Wyll is a baby boy, baby > Ulder is a ruthless politician who's obsessed with his image > Wyll steps into dogshit (Mizora) and smells funny now, but can't explain where the smell is coming from > All the nobles are like "ew this stinks lmfao" > Ulder decides to disown his son for the sake of his power and image, justifying it to Wyll by saying it's what he owes to the people of Baldur's Gate > Wyll comes back, still baby boy, baby, but with horns now > Ulder is horrified about what this might do to his image again and tells him to fuck off > Tav shows him that Wyll is badass now and was always badass, stopped the cult of Tiamat etc > Ulder's politician brain fires up again and he realizes his son might be GOOD for his image, apologizes for disowning him > Wyll, still trying to tell himself his father did the right thing, says there's nothing to forgive > Realizes later that what Ulder did was fucked up and retracts his forgiveness > Ulder now has to figure out his priorities and relationship with his son while Wyll has asserted his autonomy and personhood.

2

Wyll is a known rich brat > Wyll steps into dogshit (Mizora) and smells funny now, but can't explain where the smell is coming from > Ulder is fucking tired of his son's dogshit shenanigans and disowns him for his own good > Wyll travels the world to become a cool hero dude, but gets turned into a devil so he looks bad > Ulder assumes his cringefail son is still cringefail > Realizes he's not cringefail anymore and apologizes for disowning him in that very vulnerable moment when he needed him most > Wyll says it's ok because he was indeed a massive brat who took it a step too far, and Ulder had no way of knowing his crying wolf was real this time > Flawed but happy family!!

3 (canon)

Wyll is a baby boy, baby > Wyll steps into dogshit (Mizora) and smells funny now, but can't explain where the smell is coming from > Ulder assumes his baby boy son did a prank youtuber oopsie and decides to disown his son for the sake of his power and image?? > Wyll comes back, still baby boy, but with horns now > Ulder assumes his baby boy son is cringefail??? > Tav shows him that Wyll is badass now and was always badass, stopped the cult of Tiamat etc > Ulder realizes only now that Wyll was never cringefail ?? and apologizes for disowning him because he actually loves him > Wyll says it's ok ?? > Everything is fine and back to normal, nobody did an oopsie and nothing changed.

Y'see what I mean???

And the thing is, given that I was able to piece together what they were going for and two entire potential angles that could've worked excellently, it's clear that there are bits of potential, little inklings of what could have been, but the writer just didn't bother exploring deeper at all? Like they had some ideas that they threw at the wall and then didn't rewrite or think about them at all. It feels like a first draft of a character's story, where you have some ideas but haven't figured out the overall structure or progression of events. Instead you just throw in everything you have and pretend that's a finished story and that the inconsistencies are just "depth" and "nuance", when in reality, you're just asking the player to fill in the gaps you couldn't be bothered with, and when they can't do that because it makes no damn sense, you just ignore them lol.

Um. Yeah. Those are my thots, lmao.

It's just unfinished. That's what it is. Straight up!!!

[all-pacas]

Did anyone else spend their formative years writing fanfiction and therefore come away utterly traumatized by the mere concept of a Mary Sue? I'm afraid to talk about OCs, to describe them and their looks, to make them ever be cool or capable in any way. The only characters I can create are useless bumbling idiots with plain looks and barely average abilities. This is a BG3 post. This is about Tav.

I want to write a story about Durge. I want to write it to counter some tropes I've seen in the fandom. Specifically: I don't like the prevalence of second person stories, of utter blank slate Tavs or Durges. This is admittedly just a preference, something I don't like. It's fine if others do. But I also have noticed... a writing of Durge as very good, very sweet, very pure. "I crave violence," and yet no intrusive thoughts outside of story beats, no moments that really convince me Durge was ever a evil cult leader, even accounting for amnesia.

(I also see this with Astarion shipping. Where he sleeps with Tav, who immediately notices his trauma and refuses to have sex. We know this isn't how it goes: Tav doesn't notice. Durge doesn't notice. We also know that if Origin Karlach can't sleep with him, he lashes out and blames her. And it's a complicated situation, because Astarion is dubcon central and no one wants to coerce a person into sex. But if he insists he wants it, if he lashes out cruelly when he can't do it, if canonically he and Durge/Tav/whoever have a sexual relationship for months before it starts to dawn on him he doesn't like it... I don't know. The sweet "uwu we won't, I can Tell you're not into it" take is nice, but I want to see the messy version. The canon version. Where maybe Tav hasn't seen the act 2 cutscenes yet and just assumes this pretty boy wants to sleep with them.)

Anyway. So I want a Durge with flaws, who doesn't just shrug and snap out of their past because they have amnesia now. But to do that, I have to write an actual character, and try to make them likeable despite their flaws. And my every instinct is just. No! You don't! Mary Sue! You can't make a self insert a main character!! And that is why I have been staring at the same WIP for two weeks now.

[not-so-lost-after-all]

Hi. I have been struggling if I should let my romanced Asterion ascended or not, which has been a huge dilemma that many of us so stressed about. But after 2 days of serious consideration, I decide to let him ascended, because I know how much Asterion loves to be in sunlight.

See how he enjoyed bathed under the sun after he shared a night with my Tav after the goblin camp victory. The scene is too beautiful. All I want is that he can walk in sunlight freely and without the eternal hunger as a spawn after the tadpole removed. So, even thought of the “personality change” after ascension, I still want to support him ascend.

So my point of view is, even thought after his ascension, he has the absolute power (he claims) to take everything, do whatever he pleases and has nothing to fear about now.

But hey, deep down he is still the little boy who is so scared of not being loved or wanted. So scared that he is willing to enforce himself to join the disgusting, degrading sex, just to make Tav happy. Or by his word, to make his prime consort happy.

​

Sounds so familiar? It's the same scenario in the Moonrise Tower. He could not help be enforced himself to something he doesn't want to if Tav, the one he loves so much asks of it

His interior doesn't change. He is still that vulnerable and loving Asterion who is so reliant to Tav.

Just that he is now ascended, well…. a lord has to act like a lord.

And from my point of view, he is just like a boy who is firstly given a huge piles of money and allowed to buy whatever he wants in mall. His head spins in happiness that his childish cockiness spilled out. "Muahahahaha I am the Lord of the World!!! Kneel to me!!! Bow to me!!! YEAH!!!!" And… well… it makes me happy to see that he can finally has some childish happiness. Too long he has been denied that. So my Tav will play along to let him has his joy. "If just kneeling before you can makes you happy, then why not?" :)

And in concern of whether he will truly turn Tav into a true Vampire, my guess is very optimistic.

And OK, maybe~ he will let Tav stay a spawn so "he can manipulate her" "become Cazardor himself" but hey whats good for him to makes Tav unhappy? If he only wants spawns and power, he can create as much as he wants

I am still so far away from reaching the ending. But i have already taste the sweetness in this route. Ascended Asterion romance has to be chewed carefully to taste the little sweetness hidden within. And it's also a trial of faith for Tav.

Does she believe Asterion's love and confession before his ascension be true and valid?

Does she always thinks that Asterion will love power over her despite all the soul talk and times spent together?

Does she has no faith in their relationship or the one she loves and choose to be with?

There's so much for Tav to answer too. If the faith is strong, from my point of view, there should be no fear to take the leap.

​

On the surface it seems that Tav is the weak and manipulated party. But well…. my point of view is, the one truly holds the power is the one who goes deeper into another's heart. And from this case, it's Tav who holds more power.

​

Nonnie, I've been thinking about how to answer that. You're not even asking anything, you're explaining something I did not judge you for. Anyway, I disagree. Larian explained that we shouldn't do whatever our love interest wants - this is exactly it. If Tav loves him, they should be the voice of reason when Astarion was not able to think clearly. Now he's forever defined by his trauma.

I suppose you didn't hear what he had to say when you break up with him for good? He doesn't love Tav, he's playing a game and admits he would ruin them. He thus had no intention to make them his equal. He likes Tav as a cherished property but even those are replacable and he gets over it quickly. You can't stay with him unless you're his spawn - he doesn't take no for an answer. It was carefuly crafted to mimic the worst case IRL scenario where the abused becomes the abuser in a new relationship.

I'm going to let him ascend when he's not my character's romance to see for myself what it's like. But as a romance, I cannot stand his evil self, he's like in Act 1 except now he became the mask. I even hated how he acted in a video where Tav cheated on him with Mizora - "how delightful, more depravity, wanna join next time".

Of course you can headcanon there's still something to be fixed in him but the game doesn't exactly support it.

[22degreehalo]

aaaaand FINALLY I've finished writing up my next few recs for the Summer @ficreadingchallenge :'DDD Most of these I read weeks ago when I was especially tired and just wanted to lie down and listen to some podfics, as you'll see below~ But I'm still going! I got sooo close to finishing a line this time (and I WOULD HAVE if I hadn't swapped around the squares for some of these hahaha) and if possible I want to complete a full blackout! n.n

A couple of prompt-related rambles: 'Enemies to Friends / Lovers' is highlighted buuut I actually later decided to use that fic for 'Future AU' so. Oh well :') I also swapped a fic from Domestic to Gift Giving even though gifts aren't the main focus because I was having trouble with that square and the gifts ARE still a pretty big part of the fic so??? who cares hahaha. Also somehow I've gotten this far using a different pairing for every single square and I was absolutely tempted to try to continue that, and am knocking myself out of it because I just want to encourage myself to read fic, not force myself into a pretzel trying to track down rarepair fics that SHOULD exist SOMEWHERE......

New recs below!! :D

Canon Compliant

after knowing all, I wonder, can you really say innocent? By Aialize (15.5k, ongoing, Milgram gen)

This is a super fascinating fic and a great example of one of my favourite genres: crack treated seriously! In this one, the music videos exist in-universe and the prisoners (plus Es) will watch them all, reacting and responding in-character. I love how committed the author is to this premise: some of the characters would rather forget all this stuff is even happening, while others (most notably Kotoko) fully intend to learn all they can about the other prisoners from them. It’s still early days, but I can’t wait to see how they all react differently, and what (correct or incorrect!) conclusions they come to! (Also, maybe it seems strange to use an AU fic for the tag ‘Canon Compliant’, but the fic is sticking to the canonically-chosen verdicts which is why it counts!)

Fic With No Comments Yet

messin’ up my mind by Skyrose – a podfic by CailynWrites (5k, 33:47, Percy/Oliver)

Choosing podfics for the ‘No Comments Yet’ category almost feels like cheating heh, but these very important fan works deserve just as much love!!! This is an adorable fic: stories where the characters’ friends/family ‘ship them’ can be corny and OOC, but I love that Fred and George initially just want to give Oliver something to care about other than Quidditch training, and have no clue the cogs they started working in Oliver’s head until they’re ready for that last push. And I love Oliver and Percy’s relationship: not quite close, comfortable friends, but more like very different people who’ve spent a lot of time together and never quite taken the plunge in becoming fixtures of one another’s life – yet. <3

Hurt/Comfort

The Care and Feeding of a Deeply Depressed Vampire [Podfic] by secretsofluftnarp, read by Pandamug (2.8k, 21:16, Nandor/Guillermo

Fics that perfectly capture the absurd black humour of this show are always a treat and this fic is no exception! One of the tags is ‘canon-typical sex talk’ and hoo BOY is that accurate haha, but beneath the characteristic horniness and always-at-least-mild insufferability, Nandor really is just a pathetic sad little vampire, and the degree of care Guillermo has for him – and how much Nandor trusts him in return – is so sweet!

BIPOC Character

[Podfic] The Benefits of Communication written by ushauz, voiced by GodOfLaundryBaskets (3.2k, 27:27, Wyll/Astarion)

I’m still dipping my toes into Wyll/Astarion fanfic, but this was a very nice introduction!! Despite focusing on Astarion’s trauma around sex, it also gets a bit into Wyll’s complicated relationship with it as well, in a way that totally makes sense for them! I can 100% see these two dumbasses having a miscommunication like this, doing something they both don’t like just because they think it’ll make the other happy :’D

Future AU

Recognition by SaraJaye (2k, N/Hilbert)

This is such a sweet fic, and I can totally imagine these two’s relationship going this way post-canon!! By the end of the game they’d both need some time before they’d really be ready to be in a relationship, and though short I totally love how the friendship builds enough here for them to do that! <3

Gift Giving

Tinsel by Lunar_Years (17.5k, Roy/Jamie/Keeley)

I absolutely love and 100% recommend this entire series of RJK fics – they capture the characters and their relationship absolutely perfectly, and the familial interactions ring so true! I particularly loved Roy’s complicated relationship to the holidays; feeling troubled by his own lack of enthusiasm towards what should be ‘his’ celebrations, and only realising in retrospect that he really had enjoyed his time taking part in it all with his partners. Despite being longer than all the other fics I’ve recced here so far, the time absolutely blazed by, because it all flowed so smoothly and once I started reading I didn’t want to stop! <3

Time Travel

Catalyst [podfic] by TheStarvingWriter, read by RavenGranger11 (2.5k, 19:53, Dean/Castiel)

This fic packs in so much for its length! It’s wonderfully atmospheric between the dingy motel room and young Dean’s insecurity and longing, and from the moment Cas steps in his fondness and familiarity for Dean shines right through <3

Time Loop

& home & home & home (or, a timeloop) by decemberista - a Podfic read by Beatificbean (3.1k/20:09, Remus/Sirius)

Ugh, this fic hits so hard. :( With its succinct writing we really get a sense of how hard Sirius tries, over and over, to save everyone. It’s almost like poetry – especially at the end, which really made me cry!! ;__;

[nqgmx]

✧ ASTARION: BALDUR'S GATE 3 - a character analysis

this essay contains HUGE spoilers for baldur's gate 3, specifically astarion's questline! you have been warned lol

so baldur's gate won game of the year and for me that was my sign to finally buy it and try it out; i'm a pretty big dnd player / enthusiast as well as a crpg fan so i honestly have no idea why i didn't buy it sooner. i think like many other players, i was immediately drawn towards astarion's character: he's charming, enticing and he's literally a vampire so... who doesn't love vampires. i've become so hyperfixated on the game and astarion that i decided to watch all of his cutscenes, and one really caught my eye: the scene where you refuse to help him with ascension and he kills cazador. however, rather than being focused on the story of this scene, i was focused on something else...

astarion cries like a child.

and i don't mean that in an insulting way, like 'oOh, asTaRioN cRiEs LiKe a cHiLd', no he actually cries like a young boy, scrunching his face up and just weeping and weeping (and may i just say neil newbon did an INCREDIBLE job during this scene, like he did that in one take?! holy shit!?). it also really makes me think:

astarion is the oldest party member in the game, why does he, of all the characters, cry like that?

like you'd assume wyll or even shadowheart cry like that, but astarion? he's literally a 239 year old charlatan that flirts with you at every chance he gets. the reasonable answer is that the game directors / animators wanted to make the moment as emotional and effective as possible, however i'm an autistic teenage girl with a problem with overanalysing things so guess what i’m going to do? overanalyse it. i do truly think that despite everything, astarion saw cazador as his rock. he was his master, captor and abuser, yes, but he was the only other vampire he knew - he taught him everything. like, picture this, you get turned into a vampire and the only other vampire that you knew was the one who turned you. of course you'd look towards them for support despite everything, like you're a vampire what the fuck else are you supposed to do? i find their relationship so fascinating as on the surface, it's a heavily abusive dynamic with a severe power imbalance, however you look a little deeper and realise the trauma bond that astarion had with cazador. but again, that's just my take on it as somebody who only started playing the game two days ago and hasn't even finished act 1 soooooo

another thing about astarion's character that i really really love is during the cutscene at camp where, after making the correct dialogue choices, he confides in you that for the past 200 years he has sought company through sex, however after meeting your character he realises that he just simply wanted somebody there for him. being hypersexual as a trauma response is fairly common in real life, so adding it to him makes him seem like such a deep and complicated character. i find it so interesting that astarion is the only character in the whole of the game that you can have this unique 'not platonic yet not romantic something inbetween' relationship with. it's a really sweet moment as he's removing his tough persona and is just being honest with you, and it shows how complex of a character he is.

i finally want to take a moment to fangirl and just talk about neil newbon and how be ABSOLUTELY deserved performance of the year at this year's game awards. he's so incredible as astarion, like everything he says makes me feel an emotion (whether it's heartbroken, humoured or flustered as hell) and i have never gotten that in a va performance before. also, the fact that when he was recording his voice lines the crew had to tell him to calm tf down is so funny, and like i mentioned earlier the fact that he did the crying cutscene in one take is so ?!?!?!?! like SIR oh my god?? he 100% deserves that award, and his acceptance speech alone proves it. plus i love him so much for coming up with the goosetarion meme i love it so much it makes me want to explode

apologies if some of the points that i made aren't accurate, like i mentioned before i haven't played too much of bg3 so i could be completely wrong with everything i just said, so please feel free to let me know if i'm incorrect at all!! this is just my yearly tumblr post, i want to start posting more but also i forget about my account and then remember every like six months or so lol

[halsins-herbal-underpants]

my writing ~

hello I just wanted to share my writing today, i think lots of people followed me probably from art they saw but I write too! here are some things i've written you might like to check out:

my Ao3 account everything is there! including things I'm not mentioning here ~ if you read something you like, feel free to comment! I loves them

Baldur's Gate 3

Red - Wyll x Astarion

- A oneshot based on a fun prompt in which Wyll jumps to the wrong conclusion, much to Astarion's delight

- 860 words

- short and sweet (and cute!)

Control - My Tav x Halsin - A four chapter short interlude between Acts 2 and 3 in which a struggling Tav (my Ranger drow Dayan) needing some kind of catharsis he can't name, goes down by the river (lol) to blow off some steam, but is found by a concerned druid, who might have just what the healer ordered to help his anxiety-ridden mind. - 16k words - A little characterization, a lot of smut. Fea. bottom submissive Halsin and Entangle-based shibari! One of my favorite things I've written. (I've also rewritten some sections, give it another look if you read it awhile ago.) Considered very hot by some. uwu

Between Want and Need - Astarion x Halsin

- One-shot of some hurt/comfort between Astarion and Halsin, a slow realization, some fun party banter and a sweet sentimental ending.

- 6k words

- Entirely written as an excuse for me to make a gaming joke about a concept that didn't even originate from the genre of the game the characters are from, and I even change the name of it in the fic to be less funny. I am a genius. But very sweet, honestly.

--------

Final Fantasy 14

Desert Heat - original WoL x ffxiv OC

- My very first fic ever! A queer Miqo'te x Miqo'te heatfic that's about 40% plot and 60% smut, with a myriad of kinks. Trans femme character! Bisexual catboys! Which is kinda redundant to say! I'm insanely proud of this it took me over 3 months to write.

- 57k - it is an actual novelette lol

- The chapters are a little long bc I didn't really know how long a chapter should be at the time, they end when it feels 'right'. But there are nsfw images included for illustrative purposes in each chapter! If you like mating cycle/heat fics, threesomes, dp and cat people you may like this. Talks about events in game.

A Body in Need - original WoL x Fanow (just...Fanow) - Spoilers for Shadowbringers expac. This is another heatfic, with Viera (rabbits) this time lol. One lone male bun against an entire village of Viera women in heat. What's a boy to do...? - 7.5k words - A shameless smutfic all about nearly an entire village of hot Viera bunny girls ganging up on the one guy in their midst during their heat cycle. Pretty dang hot I do think!

The Price of Regret - several FFXIV NPCs

- One of the fics I'm most proud of which of course means its the least read lol. But! I think you can read it without knowing a thing about FFXIV, most unknowns can be figured out through context clues. So if the synopsis at the link appeals, give it a try!

- 44k words

That's it! hopefully more writing to come after this, I've been on an awful writing block lately but I hope to start writing the full Dayan x Halsin bg3 playthrough soon.

[fangswbenefits]

I never know if I should ask or just send a direct message. But here I am. Hope this is okay!

I was going to comment on your last post, but I had too many words. So, behold! Here are my words!

This is the Astarion/Tav I've been waiting to see. An after game fic where they have to build up from what was started in the game, where they are still working through all the feelings from that traumatic life changing event they all went through. I love this angle of the friendship route, because I too think that he needs friendship and not someone putting any demands on his body and just be there for him. Buuuuut I also see his need to make his own choices and that he may want intimacy, even sexual intimacy, at his own pace. Hell, he obviously wants cuddles and companionship. And the thought of depriving him of that makes me sad. Like big sad.

Also, I want to mention something specific that I feel you are doing so well with Astarion's voice. And it's the ability to turn off his charismatic facade wording he uses and talk in a more comfortable/vulnerable 'him' way, but without making him sound weird. Sometimes, when authors do this, they lose his charm and he doesn't sound like himself anymore. He would still be sly and charismatic and impatient, but not trying so hard as we see him most of the time with his 'honeyed' words. I like how you voice him so much. Is this really first fic you've written? Because I'm floored by your voices and pacing and sexual tension? It's all so good!

Uhhhh, I'm not sure where I was going with this. I just really love your fic. It's great, I can't wait for more.

<3

PS. I hate using honeyed words all the time to describe the way he talkes, but poetical fuck boy words is the only other way I can think of to describe the way he speaks. Maybe I need more coffee.

First off! Thank you not only for this amazingly thorough feedback, but also for dropping a reply on ao3 🥺🩷 usually people will do either one or the other!

Isn't it wonderful how you can just explore the want vs need dilemma with Astarion? It's a common theme throughout his journey with Tav. What he wanted never mattered, and he often mixes what he wants with what he needs, which I find to be very realistic. It happens quite often in real life, too. Sometimes, what we want is not what we need and vice versa. Also, the scars of his trauma are still very much present and since they remained friends, he never really got to heal in terms of intimacy, so it's still very easy for him to slip into that mask of using sweet words and physical contact to establish intimacy. It's all he's ever known, after all.

Oh, that is such a specific and wonderful praise! Voicing Astarion is a challenge, and it's really up to each person to try to write him in a believable way. I am trying my best, but I still feel insecure at times 🥺💔 so thank you so much for saying these reassuring words. It's not my first fic 😅 I was writing for Miguel O'Hara just a couple of months ago and have been reading/writing fanfiction for over 13 years 🥸

"Poetic fuck boy" sounds about right 😅

Again, what an amazing ego booster that just made me open google docs and continue writing the next chapter 🤭🩷

[ghost-proofbaby]

hiii, hope your well <333

so i got all the way to the very start of act 3, romanced astarion (or so i thought) just to have him reject me !!!!

for added context, he propositioned me at the celebration (i obviously said yes), helped him get raphael to explain his scars AND let him drink my blood. it says his approval is very high aswell. so i have no idea where i went wrong :|

hello love!! im doing pretty good <3 and oh nooo.

(spoilers for games. y'all have been warned.)

did you get a confession scene towards the end of act 2? to solidify the romance with any companion, there will always be a cut scene where the explicitly say "hey, we're doing this. we're a couple." there's specific things you have to do in order to trigger them. (and if you're doubting if you got that scene, once you have solidified the romance, you will have the dialogue options to ask for a kiss and ask what you are to that companion! every time you talk! endless astarion kisses if you so please!)

astarion has a few variations, below the cut.

1: you went to moonrise, encountered a drow named 'araj', and didn't make him drink her blood. plain and simple. most people resort to triggering the confession this way. it will be a cut scene that triggers during a long rest, and not an exclamation point. usually within 1-2 long rests, depending on if you have a backlog of camp events since you haven't been long resting much!

2 (my personal favorite and the most popular to be posted online): you completed his quest with raphael and the deal regarding his scars. this one has been trickier for others to accomplish. you can't encounter the drow first, and i usually avoid moonrise altogether to get this confession. it's the iconic "i had a nice, simple plan" confession. cut scene just like #1, where it occurs once you go to bed at camp. if this didn't trigger for you after the raphael encounter and killing yurgir (spoilers lol), then that's the same issue a lot of people have! i've only sought out this confession with exceptional approval. maybe the approval affects it? who knows. also, i have no idea if it's related, but i had friendzoned every other companion when i got this one, to avoid being in a double romance type of situation like the option below...

3: you begin to romance someone else in tangent with him, and are given an ultimatum between that character and astarion, and choose him. i've never done this path. i do not know the specifics to triggering it. i know it's common when you romance both gale and astarion specifically, but from what i've seen, it's very sweet and cute because he gets surprised you would choose him lol (also sometimes it appears to happen in late act 1??? like i said, i've never done it. when i set my sights on my boy, it's over for everyone else. even halsin. which, if you're curious, you can have a poly relationship with halsin and astarion. you just have to talk to him about it, which halsin brings up automatically. it's only available once in act 3).

if none of these works, try long resting back to back like all hell!! it'll literally be the tik tok audio of "night time, bitch! night time, bitch!". certain scenes just won't trigger out of order. <3 #1 has been confirmed by the community as the simplest way to get the confession, definitely used as a fail safe, because it always happens immediately the first long rest after that encounter.

also, some choices will lock you out, but you would know. astarion makes a very dramatic mess of the 'breakup'. usually, it's if you made him drink the drow's blood. higher approval leads to options to talk to him about it and stop the breakup, but also some really fucking awful options (do NOT try and have sex with him after he says he doesn't want anyone to view him in terms of sex, in case that wasn't obvious).

hopefully this helps? i just recently saw this start to be an issue for people haha. also finding the drow is a bit tough, she's in a side room. i recognized her voice from videos i'd seen on tiktok so... that's how i found her. and no, you can't fireball her into oblivion. i tried. multiple times. she won't take damage while at moonrise, fuckin cunt.

[direwrath]

Hey all!

Happy New Year and I hope that everyone is starting this one off right because that last one can go pound sand for all I care.

I know I haven't really been posting and reblogging like I used to, but I honestly had to take a break for my own sanity. It's nothing here in particular, I've just been trying to steer clear of the internet social sites so I could catch my breath from all of it.

During this time me and my daughter have been playing two different BG3 campaigns and here are some things that we have learned:

Never let the druid talk to any animal in bear form if she is not great at conversation. Even if she is an animal other beasties aren't going to want to hear what she has to say.

Sometimes the barbarian may seem like a big dumb oaf, but other times he can be convincing enough to part far more intelligent beings from their loot.

It's never smart to stand on the edge of a large tree root when fighting hook horrors, or anything for that matter. But you can't tell a mage anything these days.

Ice spells are great until you accidentally make an ice rink around the very enemies you have to melee attack.

Astarion just disapproves of us. That's it, he just does not like anything we do.

My daughter is really, and I stress, really good at rolling that devastating 1. Critical Fail!

There are too many hot guys at camp!

You never, ever turn your back on an angry barbarian! (My boy Tal'Ruuk made me proud that fight)

Scratch is a good boy

I am in love with a magic user? Like I never thought I would say those words, but here I am, professing my love for that sweet but troublesome man Gale.

When in smoke form you are pretty much useless in a fight. Yeah, the mage thought it was hilarious though.

Badger form is not what you think it would be. What good is a bear sized badger?

My daughter's character Craylin (the aforementioned mage) is a delusional dragon boy, that's what the guy with the pen and the floppy hat called him anyways. Guess he doesn't believe he is part dragon, lol.

Sometimes the stupid plans are the ones that work.

Oh the adventures that we get ourselves caught up in..

[sipsoftea]

I finally got bg3 and now i can draw for it without feeling like a fake fan :D so some first thoughts are in order I think.

1. I'm head over heels for gale. I really thought I'd be an astarion or a karlach kinda gal, and don't get me wrong, i am, but I fell in love with gale the moment I pulled him out of the portal and he immediately started on a rant giving me all the tadpole lore he had available.

2. I cried over how frickin sweet and compassionate karlach is. *spoilers* I don't remember her exact words, but when I told her about how gales ex wants him to blow himself up for her "forgiveness" karlach was so aggressively compassionate, saying something along the lines of "any God who tells you to blow yourself up, is no God worth worshipping" and I love her so so so much, for her compassionate wisdom and for who she is as a person.

3. The music is actually frickin incredible. I hadn't heard any of the music before I bought the game, I assumed it was good because games like that usually have a big emphasis on music, but goodness gracious, I wasn't ready for it to knock my socks off like that. genuinely breathtaking.

4. I don't like to swear, but fuck death shepherds. they are the most obnoxious freaks I've ever had the displeasure of coming across, I hope they step on Legos and trip into the fiery pits of hell, where they'll be forced to fight their own kind without the use of their own magic.

5. Scratch is the best boy. I would die for him.

6. I don't want to hate on anyone's choices in favorite characters, but I cannot stand shadowheart. I'll probably be eating my words once I get to know her better, but I sincerely wish she'd shut up about her goddess. I'm currently in the middle of doing shar's gauntlet, and she keeps bringing up the fact that she was "meant to be here", and that "shar must favor her somehow". Like, bestie... that can't possibly be a good thing. From my understanding, most of the gods in this game are actually trash, like dumpster fire levels of horrid. Like mystra asking gale to kill himself for her forgiveness, or whatever tf the absolute is, or shar taking peoples memories and lives if they stay in her shadow realm without a light source for too long. And I don't want to victim blame or anything. I think she mentioned she was raised in the church, so I imagine all this was forced into her head from a very young age. It just wears on me a little, that's all.

7. Everyone wants to get with me EXCEPT gale. I love him to bits, but man he's a challenge to romance ((and i would like to say, i really do love the platonic love my tav and gale have for each other, it's really sweet)). Shadow heart invited me to drink with her at the party, I ended up having to load a save because I'm terrible at rejection and I didn't want to romance her.

Next, I went to camp and the game immediately forced me into a dance cutscene with wyll, I once again had to load a save because I'm terrified of rejection. And gale is just like "wow, you're such a good friend :))" and I'm more than happy to be his friend, don't get me wrong. I just want to cuddle my wizard under the stars while we talk about our favorite interests, is that so much to ask?

But over all, this game is incredible. I've been playing nonstop for the last three days or so, it's really been a joy. Now I just need to figure out how to draw all of my favorite characters so I can post a bunch of scribbles >:))

[damienxd]

So, a little talk about Baldur's Gate 3. A little spoiler warning for the Dark Urge storyline.

I have 2 different Dark Urge runs atm, one good and rejecting the Urge, the other evil and mostly accepting the Urge (there's some exception to his rules, mostly because I don't feel like slautering the entirety of the Tieflings from act 1 or Isobel from act 2 as they are pretty vital for later in the story).

Anyways, I've created a little headcanon story for them that they're (half) brothers, and worked together to lead Bhaal's armies/congregations as his Chosens because Omiros (my good run, the Tiefling Paladin) is better at persuading people to follow their father and enact murderous plots/violence while Torrin (my "evil" run, the Dragonborn Ranger) is better at hunting and tracking down victims.

This then translates over after they lose their memories as they still work well together, while maybe not seeing eye-to-eye, but finding common ground in a lot of their morals and ideas. They do still get into arguments as they are brothers, but for the most part they get along.

I also headcanon Torrin as Orin's "twin". More they were born around the same time and Bhaal has a nasty sense of humor while Omiros is younger than them (his name is still ironic if you read a previous post of mine this one).

Torrin was created far before Baldur's Gate 3 came out. His original character idea had a completely different name at first but I changed it once I actually started playing with people who know how to play D&D. His original character arc was that he was a child soldier who discovered he was one of many children taken from families and placed in a training program to keep up the number of soldiers/guards for the city. Once he was let in on it he got pissed, killed his General that he saw as a father figure originally, and ran. He was actually a very sweet and quiet character but I saw potential in how his story could have twisted him the other way so, yeah....

Here are the boys (and Astarion that Torrin is romancing)

Another little piece: Torrin is 6'5 while Omiros is closer to 5'9

[ravnloft]

i neeeeeeeeeeeeed to write/draw more completely self-indulgent cottagecore trio stuff so i'm making a list. feel free to reply w/additional suggestions or which one/s you want to see (not making this a poll bc the answers would be too long lmao)

gwendolyn wild shapes into a bear to defend one of the guys during the grove battle and astarion goes "okay maybe i've misjudged her. i should apologize. unrelated but i also need to never get on her bad side ever at all"

samson needs to talk more about his backstory....... maybe with nól.... maybe on the way to rosymorn monastery????

something with wyll and nól. now that i've put wyll into how to win friends i am DYING to explore their dynamic. it's gonna be so cute

gwendolyn...... making perfume........... with astarion and wyll..................... my sweet botanically cologned boys......

samson going Full Angel ModeTM in the grove fight and giving wyll and astarion some kind of awakening about it 🥴