#IFS Billing

[maxhp2910]

#If (2024): A movie made for teens to reminisce about their 'IFs' and childhood. It might not achieve this for everyone, but it could help many kids find their 'IFs' when and if they need them. A fun and wholesome watch with the kids, if any!

[venomgender]

finally getting the check from the state 3 months later 😃

its like nearly 100 dollars less than i remember it being 😨

[racointeur1]

holding your lover by the jaw to kiss them .

knee     is      drawn      into     chest     and     arm      is     loosely     wrapped     around     himself,      head     canted    slightly     back     to     glance     up      at      @earthlost.        his     face      is       alight       with      the      thrill     of     it,       bill     can     see     the     excitement     in      his     eyes     &      can     hear     the     passion     in      his     voice     as     he     speaks     about     his    latest      dnd     campaign.            hands     are     used     too,      bringing     the     story     to     life     before     him.       (      not     that      he      needs      to.      bill’s     imagination     could    do    it     well     enough    on     its     own,      but     there’s   a    certain     swell    in     his     chest      as     he     watches     mike    do     it    for     him     that    makes    him     never     want     him     to      stop.      )        

softness     touches     features    as     bill     watches,      bright    blues    following    mike     to     keep    up     with     the     story    &      his    lips     curl.       he     feels     fucking    mesmerized,     and     it’s     because    he    is.       when    he     thinks     back      to     the      mike    he    had    met    and     the    mike    he    has    now,        the     mike     who’s     his     boyfriend,       bill      feels     that     flutter    right    beneath    his     ribcage,      the     butterflies    taking    their     flight     within     his     stomach.        it’s     mike’s     rambles     that     pull     him      back      into     reality,      and     if     his     dumbfounded     expression     says      anything    .     .      . 

“mike.”       bill     starts,      lips    pursing     to      conceal     the     smile     that     threatens    to     pull     onto     his     lips,     and    he     shifts    to     sit     up     on      his    knees.      motion     given     for      him      to     come     closer      and     when    he     does,      bill      reaches     up     to     grasp     at     his    jaw     and    pull     him     down.      the     kiss    is    quick.       quick      because     bill’s     proving    a    point     and    it’s     way     too     easy     to    get    lost     in      kissing     mike     wheeler.        he     locks     eyes     with     mike     after,      smile     touching     his    lips     then.      “you     better    keep    going.”

[heartfullofleeches]

Five more minutes

Yan + Sleepyhead Darling

[tw: manipulation]

-

"I have an interview today!"

You expected them to be proud of you. It's been a while since you've been able to keep down a job - or do much of anything around the house. You pick up after yourself where you can, surprising your partner with the occasional meal if you have the energy- but your efforts compare little to all they do for you. Cooking, cleaning, bills- They've even helped you bathe a few times when you had gone days without realizing you were wearing the same pajamas. They've always said you could depend on them for anything, but would they truly be happy sheltering you for the rest of their life?

You thought they'd be proud, happy even- for you. You thought....

"Oh, sweetheart... Are you sure you're prepared for this? "

"Prepared...?" You're sure you are, but...do they have to use that voice? Sweeter than any lullaby you heard as a child, their gentle voice always had your head heavy against the pillows they regularly cleaned for you as they tucked you into bed - whispering sweet nothing's into your ear.

"Yes? - I even have the bus route mapped out so you don't have to take me, and I'm leaving a whole hour before I need to incase I miss any stops... I've been thinking about how we should split things more eventually around the house...plus I can't stay inside forever."

"How can you say that when your eyes are getting heavier as we speak? You can barely stand on your own feet without falling over. I think you need some more rest."

You've slept enough for one day...but can you say that about the next? It's only a part-time job so you wouldn't even be out that long - how long will it be until you fall asleep on shift? Pondering the what-ifs taps away at the vitality and will you had built for weeks in preparation of this moment. You've worked so hard just to get this interview - yet you're so tired already and the day hasn't even begone.

Your head falls on their arm as they embrace you - fresh tears staining the sleeve of their robe. It's warm, just like them. You struggle to keep your eyes open.

"Just look at you... Here, rest on my shoulder for a minute then I'll drive you over - that sounds good, right? Just close your eyes for five minutes minutes and we'll head right out the door."

Yeah.... That sounds nice. After all, it's only five more minutes.

[lottiies]

one of his many journal entries about you

arthur morgan x fem!reader and male!reader <33

i won’t lie…i have 45 hours on the game and i’m not even past chapter 2 (っ- ‸ – ς) why progress when i can save myself the pending heartbreak and instead admire this pretty man and his journal sketches?

anyways…love all you arthur morgan kissers ♡

“my body doesn’t feel right as of late. my hands are too rough, my face is all wrinkled up, and my voice isn’t all that pleasant. if only i could sound as smooth as i write.

never been the most confident of men, but well, this body’s what i’m stuck with. used to go months on end without shaving until i realized my beard looked like bills. how embarrassing. miss grimshaw, the strong-headed woman she is, knocked some sense into me too. well…more like slapped me.

shaving makes me look more approachable, and that’s not really a good thing with my reputation. but, i did it anyway and spent a pretty penny on the barber up in valentine’s…had to pay a bit extra because of the drunken ruckus lenny and i caused there last time.

if my heart hadn’t been captured, maybe these worries of mine wouldn’t even exist.

oh, the ridiculous things love does to a man…”

꒰ fem!reader ꒱

“about as beautiful as the stars above; a woman so otherworldly that sometimes I have to look away. she shines too brightly for these tired eyes of mine. i suppose that’s for the best, ain’t it? a man like me, the walking embodiment of sin, isn’t worthy of such a loving lady.

but that doesn’t keep her away. she often asks me to recount some of my adventures, and i hesitantly do so, fearful she’ll think me a bad man. craziest thing is, she looks more worried than anything else whenever i do as told. telling me to be more careful with that honey-like voice of hers. could listen to it all day. it’s like a balm to the soul.

can’t keep myself away from her either. doesn’t matter what she’s doing, i always find myself wandering over to her. i don’t usually have trouble sleeping, i’m like some rock when it comes to it. but she’s occupied my mind too much lately, falling asleep is difficult. like right now. should be sleeping, but i’m not. just up wondering about the ifs and hows.

i’ve been saving up some money so i can go get her something real nice, maybe a pretty dangly necklace. could just steal one, but i want to prove myself to her. she deserves the best, not something that belonged to some other stranger.

god knows i’d do whatever i can to keep her safe and sound. i’d die for her. funny thing is, i considered myself to be a selfish man before breathing the same air as her.

i can say with absolute certainty that i would give up everything for a future with her.

if she’d have me.

…

now, this fool’s about to try and sketch her.

not sure if i can encapsulate her beauty onto a page, though.”

꒰ male!reader ꒱

“i fear I’m going mad. i never thought i’d feel this way about a man before. then again, pursuit of romance has never been a priority in my life. he’s one of a kind, something about him makes my palms feel all clammy.

he never leaves my head, every inch of this brain of mine is consumed with thoughts of him. his grin, the way his hat perches on his head, the stories he shares ‘round the campfire.

i’ve come across many men on all my journeys, but his handsomeness is unmatched. and he’s different. doesn’t nag me like dutch or get on my nerves like micah, but he isn’t just a brother like some of the other folks here.

i’ve been a bit too scared to drink these days. you know me, i spill my guts out and say stupid things like a damn fool when i get like that. wouldn’t know what to do if i were to sputter out how fine of a fella i think he is, or how grateful i am for him. is this only a special friendship? no, i don’t know how to describe this.

well, yes i do, actually.

love.

my fingers trembled while writing that.

some may call this spark a sin, but going down an altar with him would be a taste of heaven itself. that wish is too far-fetched though.

all i ask for is a sign. just one. maybe i’m misreading the glimmer in his eye, or the way the bastard slings his arm over my shoulder and sings after he downs some moonshine.

weird how life works, isn’t it?”

[coochiequeens]

That poor woman. She has a second kid on the way and her husband pulls this

Ok time for another round of the TIM checklist

He came out when the attention was on a woman in the family ✅️

He is not out in public so he's still enjoying straight male privilege ✅️

Spent a lot of money on gender affirming clothes ✅️

Those gender affirming clothes aren't even feminine yet practical like a pair of women's jeans ✅️

He spent in on panties and bras when he doesn't even have boobs ✅️

He had a boner while wearing women's panties ✅️

He made up a statistic about how much women spend on clothes a month to justify it ✅️

He then spends three times that amount when his wife in her last trimester ✅️

Claimed its OK because it came from "his" money ✅️ No sir when you have one kid another one on the way large purchases need approval from both parents

When she called him out on why he has more money i.e. male privilege, she took time off for maternity leave and he has the fatherhood advantage, he claimed to be triggered to try to make her feel bad for hurting his feelings ✅️

Not planning on any what ifs ✅️ like what if the there's a complication during the birth and they have more medical bills than they expected? What if recovery takes longer and they consider spending on a cleaning lady or getting take out or prepared meals?

This should be the real trans bingo

[2frosty4you]

Hiii! If reqs are open, can I request for all the mercs finding out teen merc reader grew up with very neglectful parents, and is basically a mother to her younger siblings? The only reason she even took up a job as a mercenary is so she can pay the bills for her little brothers and sisters, since her parents are too busy using their money on drugs:/

Mercs find out teen!reader takes sole care of her siblings [Platonic

| All mercs & GN!Reader Platonic | 826 words | Masterlist | Ask/Request |

Hardest thing about this was actually getting a name for it :cry:

╔═════════════════╗

Scout

✧ He says he relates, but in reality he doesn't. His family was filled with successful boys (fatherless) and his mother who they all loved. He sent his paychecks to her every time.

✧ When you explained that you had to take care of your siblings from a younger age over the campfire he became quiet.

✧ Doesn't make a joke, but the awkward air was getting to him.

"so.. how many siblings ya got?"

✧ He only says this to break the ice

✧ After a while he understands why you're always on calls with people, always away on ceasefire and always take any off days you can get (hardly any)

Soldier

"AN AMERICAN CARETAKER SHOULD NOT INTAKE DRUGS FROM THE FRENCH!!"

✧ He's trying, but not hard enough

✧ He offers you one of his extra helmets and his raccoons. He cares for you like a strange rabid dog you found on the street.

✧ Shares his food with you, gives his loyalty to your brothers and sisters with a goofy salute.

✧ Don’t let him meet your siblings unless you want him to get them to dig a trench around your house

Pyro

".. mph?"

✧ They don't understand why your parents aren't using their own money.

✧ They don't understand a lot of what you explained

✧ They'll begin to offer any candies they have to you, not like they weren't already. Protects you a lot on the battlefield and draws pictures for you and your siblings (mostly balloonicorn) 

✧ Would like to meet your siblings though, they've got plushies to share 100%

Heavy

✧ He pats you on the back and nods, he didn't need to mother/father a group of kids but having no father made his family's life harder.

✧ Teaches you some night hearty meals that could feed a battalion

✧ Also teaches you self defense, even if you know it already it's never enough (heavy tells you that like :nerd: )

✧ Also makes you sit and have some time to yourself, he's your 'father' now. No ifs, buts or whys

Engineer

"pardon."

✧ He says, frying pan in hand as he was cooking breakfast. Staring at you like he was going to kill a set of parents.

✧ Tries to keep you safer on the battlefield, not wanting you to suffer more than your family has done to you.

✧ Teaches you to cook, like heavy 

✧ Cooks breakfast for you first, and when you have a rough time its 100% only you getting proper meal.

✧ Will drive you to your family's house, and stand there like a guard as you let him meet your brothers.

✧ Probably would build little contraptions for them and help tutor them.

✧ Loves you like family, including your siblings (not your parents, not at all)

Demoman

✧ He's drunk when you tell him this, he raises his bottle and spits out

"aye, fuck ya parents"

✧ He passes out immediately

✧ If he's sober when you mention it again he's going to be more caring(slightly) and since hes always at least tipsy he'll offer you his bombs like a drug dealer.

✧ If you say yes he'll blow up them and their crackhouse.

✧ Is on the fence about meeting your siblings, he doesn't really want your brothers seeing a drunk, half-blind Scot stumbling around.

Medic

✧ His eye twitches, a large insane smile on his face as he turns to you while having his elbows deep in the corpse of the enemy heavy.

"Did I mishear you?"

✧ He removes his hands from the corpse and comes over to you shaking you like crazy. Ranting about how a teenager shouldn't be caring for small children and asking if you had symptoms for any mental issues.

✧ He's insane, I'm not gonna sugar coat it.

✧ But he is smart and teaches you how to do some basic first aid

'no medic I'm not going to remove any appendices please stop cutting into scout'

✧ Wants to meet your sisters, offers them to play with his birds and offers up some plushies

'MEDIC DON'T GIVE THEM SYRINGES' 'and PLEASE put away the baboon heart'

Sniper

✧ Asks for you to repeat what you muttered and then offers to 'get rid' of your parents (sniper put down the rifle.. and the jarate)

✧ Drives you back and to your family home, is uncomfortable around small children so he's going to 100% either stay in his truck or be leaning against it the whole time.

✧ Don't worry he didn't bring any jarate with him.. Just don't check the truck (please) 

✧ But if he mentions taking care of birds your siblings demand to see them, so they get along well

Spy

✧ He will assassinate them, won't tell you, but it'll be suspicious when your mother dies from an overdoses while having and obvious bullet hole through her chest

✧ Look, he wasn't a father to scout but he'll be a father for you. Better than your last father at least, and a little better than he was to scout.

✧ Teach your siblings french 100%, you won't know until they start speaking it and you're left dumbfounded.

╚═════════════════╝

Posted 1.03.2024 if you see any typos or anything pls tell me!!

[phantom-mizero]

You know, Bill Cipher's plan to start Weirdmageddon 2.0 is one of the most ill-conceived ideas I have probably ever heard. From thisisnotawebsitedotcom we know that Ford threw The Book of Bill into the Bottomless Pit, just like he did with the journals - which is the canonical reason we have them. This is also substantiated by all the fourth wall breaks Bill makes in his book. The Book of Bill reads you as much as you read it - which is how Bill knows he is talking to someone that knows he is just an idea. This is interesting, because it implies that there is a place somewhere in the Oregon forests where there is an entrance that leads to the Bottomless Pit in Gravity Falls. So, let's say the book gets to a Reader in our reality who actually agrees to it. They then need to travel to Oregon and find that place that intersects different realities. Good luck with that! Let's say Reader actually manages to find it and gets spit out of the Bottomless Pit just outside the Mystery Shack, they actually manage to find Bill's statue and shake hands with him. Bill said that he and whoever shook hands with him would trade places, but is that true? I mean in Sock Opera Bill did not put Dipper's mind into the Nightmare Realm, he just landed in the Mindscape. Would Bill even have enough power for that, or would Reader's mind just land in the Mindscape? But that isn't even the most pressing question, as Mabel and Ford also put around his statue as many wards against him as possible. There are already so many maybes, but let's say that Bill manages to puppeteer someone. Could he even step out of Gravity Falls? Ford would not, under any circumstances, get rid of the bubble that contained Bill and Weirdmageddon. If that is still there, that could be another roadblock for Bill. Bill said that he needs to activate another portal to assemble his scattered molecules, but good luck with that! Most of them were either not built at all, destroyed, disassembled or simply not working. The only ones we know worked were Ford's portal, which he took down, and that of the unpronounceable wizard aka the dark ages one aka the one that had to be somewhere in England, because the book mentions news spreading about "The Bastard Triangle of England" after Bill's anger induced tantrum. Which is funny in retrospect, because if he had kept his cool for a bit longer and chose his words carefully, he could have started Weeirdmageddon hundreds of years earlier. So, if Bill can get through the bubble surrounding Gravity Falls that means he would need to get to England, but there are two problems. 1) Bill is banned from most of the eastern hemisphere by various curses and 2) he would need to get the body he is possessing over there, which costs not just money, but if they are from another reality they also don't exist there, which is its own problem. All of that is also banking on the fact that the portal that Xgqrthx build is still in one piece, functional and accessible to some random person, who also has to find it first. It makes my head hurt by how many maybes and what ifs there are, but more so that Bill even acknowledges them to a degree himself as he says: "Maybe that dark ages one still works!". He himself isn't even entirely sure that at least one of his old portals is still working! Bill Cipher is just banking it all on so many maybes, while simultaneously being the definition of "trust me, bro", like we're already one of his henchmaniacs that he is pulling along for the long game, not caring about how improbably his plans sound or if there are even going to work.

[remotepixel]

Platonic Yan!Tony Stark headcanons:

First post, very nervous </3.

(Request are open btw!!)

I've seen him called a mother hen multiple times but it's definitely amplified here.

-He's always wondering about the what-ifs and, as an important part of his life, most will be centred around you.

-Even small things like not wearing a coat when it’s cold will probably mess up his heart even further (please put one on, for his sake).

-Tech will be made in your honour because 'you never know'.

-And, as for giving it to you, I think it would go two ways:

-Straight-up giving it to you as a gift (pretty casually for him).

-Or leaving it really obviously somewhere and when you ask about it he acts all casual like he didn't spend the last week on it.

-In either of these scenarios he would be impatiently waiting for you to praise him.

-Like you're looking at it and he's making his usual quips while internally dying in suspense.

-He lives off your approval even if he'd never admit it.

-Any sort of positive reaction to him or his work would lift his mood for the rest of the day (though it may indirectly encourage him to work instead of living to get that same reaction).

This is probably obvious but mf would definitely stalk you online.

-Like, the tech isn't just for you, he isn't that selfless.

-Its a way to monitor you:)

-The Stark phone is tracking you 24/7 and reading/watching everything you're doing.

-There's a screen in his lab just for your activity and JARVIS is on alert in case he misses anything (which is kinda hard when he's glancing at it every 2 seconds but the lack of sleep catches up sometimes).

Just like his constant seek of approval, he wants to constantly be in your life and know everything about you (other reason why his inventions are handy).

-Knowing everything allows him to feel comfortable and increases the chances of you actually liking him (or at least, that’s his logic), and it’s the same for being around you 24/7 (though it also helps his paranoia, that he will be there to protect you if anything happens).

-He'd play nice with your parents (lowkey reluctantly) , teachers, background check all your friends, anything to keep himself involved and in the loop surrounding you.

(He definitely has a whole terabyte or more of information about you with a lot of security measures just in case anyone finds it).

I think due to his upbringing (yk, not having a good dad lol) he would compliment you often.

-He's not an overall affectionate guy so it would probably be the subtle 'good work' or pat on the shoulder but he'll try at least.

-That's why he normally goes with gifts- whether tech like mentioned before or anonymously paying for any subscriptions, bills, etc.

You not liking him for any reason would crush his soul.

-He overthinks everything, to the point where if you forget to say hello to him or something he'd convinced he's done something wrong.

-He knows self-loathing isn't good and he's reading too much into it, but it doesn't help when all he can think about is yet another person leaving.

-He'll play it off ofc but he'll be searching for ages trying to find any more clues for your behaviour.

-He isn't good at comforting so, if you’re in any sort of negative mood, he'll make more jokes, drop in a few not very subtle 'you can talk about anything to me', just anything to try and get you happy once again.

-If you're happy, you'll want to be near him and that makes him happy in return.

-In his mind, its a fair deal.

Although impulsive, he’s self aware.

-He knows his behaviour is strange to say the least, but he basically gaslights himself into believing it’s the best choice.

-Like, you fall over once? Well, that wouldn’t have happened if he was your guardian.

-I don’t think kidnapping would happen unless you get put into serious danger which he then believes warrants keeping you ‘safe’ in the tower, or he overreacts to a trivial thing (he’s in his mother henning mood), decides enough is enough, and then realises what he’s done an hour later and now has to live with the consequences.

Overall, he’s a paranoid, approval-seeking, obsessive silly little guy :)

[arabian-batboy]

I have seen some disclosures in the past about how fandoms force a non-existence "found family" dynamic between the characters then forcibly turn that found family into a "nuclear family" where they will make one character be the "dad" while one character is the "mom" and everyone else are siblings when that's not the case and while I definitely know what people mean by that and have seen it happen before, I feel like in the context of the "Batfamily," some people are taking it too far into the opposite direction.

Like first of all, depending on how you divide them, the "Batfamily" is made up by characters who are either literal family or just close friends/lovers, so I can understand why grouping all of them together and labeling them as one big family may sound confusing (but always remember, Wayne family =/= Batfamily)

Characters like Barbara, Stephanie and Duke (I might even throw in Tim & Cassandra, since they both were only adopted at 17) absolutely have an "unconventional" familial ties to each other and to Bruce, so I personally don't think you should be so eager to fit them all into a stereotypical nuclear familial roles, especially since all the characters I mentioned above (except for Cass) have one or two loving parents who have raised them all on their own without the help of Bruce and are still alive and present in their child's life (except Tim, whose parents canonly died a couple of years ago in-universe).

With that being said, sometimes characters just so happen to fit the bill of a stereotypical "nuclear family" in canon and not wanting to accept that because the children are adopted/not related by blood to their parents is fucked up.

And I say that mostly about Dick and Jason, who for for all intent and purposes were both fully adopted at 9 and 11 respectively (ignoring rectons that aged them up or the fact that Dick was a ward at first only because single men couldn't legally adopt in the 40's), so it doesn't matter how you go about it, Bruce is 100% their father and they are 100% his sons, no ifs or buts.

For me, I have seen too many people trying to down-play the fact that Batman is canonly a dad (maybe because they don't think its cool? Idk) by pretending that him and his literal children are just a found family or just partners and accusing anyone who refer to them as parent-and-child of diminishing this found family and forcing them into a "nuclear" family when that's not case with them.

Referring to an adult man who fully adopted a young child to raise them as his own as that child's dad isn't forcing them into a nuclear family, because he's LITERALLY their dad? That's just common sense.

[randomfoggytiger]

Unrest, Faulty Memories, and Lost Sisters

It's interesting to think of Gerald Schnauz as a cautionary tale for Mulder-- the dark side of a man who lost a sister, then himself.

PARALLELS

In the Pilot, Mulder details his sister's abduction to Scully:

"In my research, I worked very closely with a man named Dr. Heitz Werber; and he's taken me through deep-regression hypnosis. I've been able to go into my repressed memories the night my sister disappeared."

As a child, he'd repressed what happened the night Samantha was taken; and chalked it up to a mundane, tragic disappearance. Then the Lone Gunmen, Arthur Dales, and the X-Files turned his world upside down.

We later learn that Mulder's father, Bill Mulder (or CSM, according to canon's current interpretation), was a responsible party to Samantha's abduction-- either picking her to ensure her protection (Fight the Future) or becoming the dupe of CSM's swap (Paper Clip and Closure.)

Thus, the parallels to Gerald Schnauz.

Gerald is a schizophrenic whose sister was murdered (taken from him) because of his father. Gerald repressed that memory, muddying his conscious recollection with personal blame.

Scully: "In 1980, you attacked your father with an axe handle...."

Schnauz: "...I was institutionalized. I had a kind of chemical imbalance."

In Mulder's case, he wants the Truth about what happened to his sister; in Gerald's case, he wants to heal the sick and twisted.

Mulder: "It says here you have a sister. Where is your sister, Gerry?"

Schnauz: "She passed."

Mulder: "Actually it says here she committed suicide in 1980."

Both men personalize tragedies that pluck at their traumas; and both men's causes are responsible for Scully's abductions.

Scully's life was "ruined" and she was abducted because of her association with Mulder. Scully was, again, taken and almost killed because of the "unrest" Gerry projected onto her. (On a separate note: The writers of Unruhe were excellent, turning away from the obvious parallel between Schnauz and Mulder to focus on the rancor and vulnerability the case-- medical malpractice against kidnapped women-- would stir in Scully.)

Both men also try to "fix" the mind of the afflicted-- in Gerry's case, other women; in Mulder's case, his own-- with a hole poked or drilled into their gray matter.

Gerald Schnauz believes demons are infecting the minds of his victims, and Fox Mulder believes his own infected memory is holding him back in Demons. They are, alike, driven.

One last interesting thought strikes me.

In the latter half of Mulder's Pilot monologue, he says: "I can recall a bright light outside, and a presence." This, coincidentally, is the last thing Gerry Schnauz sees before he dies.

WHAT IFS, AND DEMONS

But what if Mulder had lost his mind-- given up or given in-- ala Gerald Schnauz?

Well, we get a glimpse of what could have happened in Demons: he blames himself for not recalling, then blames his parents for what happened to his sister, then blames himself, again.

Instead of lashing out and trying to "heal" the world around him, Mulder chooses to self-immolate in his efforts to draw closer to the Truth. To, one could say, wholeness.

CONCLUSION

Did the writers intend these parallels? I don't think so; but you tell me.

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

[reddit-007]

Why My Dog Is the Real MVP of Security (and Possibly the Local Squirrel Mafia)

So, the other day, I was lounging on the couch in my usual state of enlightenment (aka binge-watching questionable reality TV) when I heard a suspicious noise outside. You know, that sound that makes you question all your life choices leading to this moment?

Enter Sir Barkington, my 70-pound golden retriever, who thinks he’s a ferocious wolf. The moment the noise happens, he transforms from a cuddly fluffball into the canine equivalent of a Navy SEAL. He leaps off the couch like he’s just spotted a squirrel plotting a heist, and I swear, his butt barely touches the ground.

Meanwhile, I’m frozen like a deer in headlights, thinking of all the “what-ifs.” What if it’s a criminal? What if they steal my collection of “World's Best Cat Dad” mugs?

But Sir Barkington? He’s already on it. He runs to the window, barking like he’s auditioning for the dog version of “Cops.” I’m standing behind him, feeling like I’m in a poorly written buddy cop movie.

And let’s be honest: the only thing Sir Barkington is really protecting me from is a rogue pizza delivery guy and the mailman who just wants to drop off my overdue bills.

In the end, I take a deep breath, realizing that with my furry bodyguard on duty, my biggest worry is that he’ll steal my snacks instead. So here’s to dogs: they give us a false sense of security while ensuring that no squirrel goes unbarked at! 🐶🥳

P.S. If anyone sees a squirrel with a ski mask lurking around, just know that Sir Barkington is ready for action!

[arlana-likes-to-write]

Family is more than Blood - Masterlist

You are the older sister of Natasha and Yelena, brought together by a Red Room Mission in Ohio. But to you blood doesn’t mean family and when the mission is over they are still your sisters. 

Main Story (2016 - 2018) 

Lean on Me by Bill Withers - Whispers of Natasha’s escape echo throughout the Red Room and you know it’s your chance to make a deal to ensure their safety. 

The World Turned Upside Down - Natasha and Yelena face the man that has destroyed the lives of so many young girls. They learn the things you had to do as part of your deal.  

Promise - As Melina goes through the data that Natasha took from Dreyokv, she finds your file and learns that your birthday is coming up. With the help of Natasha and the other Avengers, they try to give you a much needed break. 

What if I’m not needed? - Yelena wakes up from a nightmare and instead of going to Natasha she turns to you. 

Safe. You are Safe -  After returning to the compound from a solo mission to free a Widow, you are badly injured. But as a Widow injury means punishments and you can’t afford to be punished because who will protect your sisters if they kill you.

Patient - A higher level Widow is in NYC and you need your sisters help but when they can’t help you a new visitor to the compound may be the answer to your problems. 

A Helping a Hand - In 2013, Dreykov sends you on a mission that is a little below your skill level. But you don’t expect to run into the Avengers and your primary mission changed. 

You Have Yourself a Deal - Carol is worried when you don’t show up for your date and she has every reason to worry when Natasha and Melina get a link to a security feed of your torture chamber. 

Darkest Mind - Sometimes the voices and the guilt got to loud and the only way you knew how to quiet the world around you was through pain.

Accidents Happen - When Carol has a nightmare and hurts you with her powers, your sisters don’t take it to well.

Resolved - Forgiveness isn’t something easy to give but when your sister is taken it may be to late. 

At Your Back - Wanda needs a gentle reminder that she is not alone and she has gained another sibling at the compound. 

Resting on Your Shoulder - A trip to Iowa to met the Bartons is the perfect thing you need to rid your mind of Danie’s screams. 

Tiny Dancer -  After you and Natasha return to the compound, those closest to you know something bad happened. Carol learns another dark part of your past.

Mine to Protect - The Avengers capture a member of Dreykov’s second ring and he is asking for you.  

Drabbles

A Trip Back Home - visiting Ohio with your sisters  

A Black Widow Halloween - Celebrating Halloween with the Avengers, cause some unwanted memories to come up. 

Through Your Eyes - You are learning how to be a person and undo all of Red Room trauma 

‘What Ifs’ 

It’s okay. Let me Go - Natasha calls you asking for a favor when an off world threat comes to threatens half of the Earth’s population.

Letters to a Goodbye - These are the letters you wrote to everyone before the time heist. Part 2 of It’s okay. Let me go. 

Face to Face - When Alexei tells you that the mission is over you’ve made a decision to give Melina, Yelena, and Natasha a chance to run 

Trust is Earned - Melina has made it clear that she doesn’t trust you, what can be done to earn her trust back? (Part 2 of Face to Face)

[racointeur1]

34. Kisses that start on their fingers and run up their arm, eventually ending on their lips.

SAYING     THE      PAST     FEW      DAYS     HAVE     BEEN     ROUGH     WOULD     BE     AN     UNDERSTATEMENT.        not      because     of      school,       you     were     caught    up      with      most    of    your     homework.        not     because    of     your     short     stories,      you     were     nearly     finished    with    the    newest    one    you    had     started.      (     thanks,     rich,      for     the     inspiration.      )              it     was     just     that.       the      real      joke     had      to      be      just     how      easily      trauma     best    kept    buried     could     resurface     at     the    smallest    of     things.        

SEWERS.         

one     word,       tossed    out     in      a      group     chat     lightheartedly,       and      everything     feels      different      now.        you      don’t      actually     know     if      that’s      what     caused     stan     to     relive     that      nightmare     in     his     sleep,      but     you    know    it    was     the     reason     you    were    awake    to     pull    him     from     it.        the     memory    of     his     hoarse     cry     to     not     touch     him      wouldn’t     leave     the     forefront    of    your    mind    now,       it     mingles     there     with    the    cries    of     georgie     and      the    kids     floating    in      the     cistern       &       the      prominent     reminder     that      you       brought     your     friends     into     this     to     begin     with.         they     wanted    to    be    kids     and     you    wanted    your     brother.       you      should’ve    known     they’d    do     anything    for    you,     billy.      look     where     that’s     gotten      all     of      you.       derry’s     thousands    of     miles     away     yet     right     at     your     doorstep. 

you’re     not       as     oblivious    to     things    as     you     sometimes     feel.     when     you’ve    looked    at     stan     the    past    two     nights,       the     exhaustion    has    made    its    home    beneath    his    eyes    and     makes    your    chest     feel      heavy.       he    says    he’s     slept,      everything’s    okay,      but     none    of     that     sits     right    with     you.      it    doesn’t,      because     you     see     the    look     he    gets    in     his    eyes    when    you    mention     the     bed    and     you     take    note  from   your    desk    of     just    how    many    times   he    gets    up     to     check      the     front     door’s    lock,      and     you     feel    so    damn     helpless      it     hurts.        how    do     you    save     him     from     his    own    mind?      how    do    you    even    begin    to    try     if    he    won’t     talk    to     you?    

well,      WOULDN’T      talk     to     you.        you’re     sitting     on     your     couch     with     @finalhorrors    in     your     arms     and     you’re    patient    with     how     he     wants     to     tell     you     everything.        you      listen,       you’ll     always    listen     to     stanley      and     your     brain    doesn’t     waste     much     time     kicking    into     gear     to     figure    out     how      to     help      him.         you      reach    for    his    hand    instinctively,      intertwining      your     fingers    before     you’re     bringing    his    hand    up    to     your    lips.     a     kiss    is    pressed    to    each    of    his    knuckles,     trails    to    the    side   of    his     wrist    and     along    his     forearm,        all    the    way     upward      until      your      fingertips    press    beneath    his    chin     to     capture    his    lips    in    a      gentle    kiss.       

“stan   .    .   .      i     love     you.”      seems    like     the     easiest    way     to     start,      it’s     something     so     deeply     rooted    inside    of     you,      you’re     starting    to     think      that’s    all     you    are    and     you’re    fine    with     that.       “i     love     you     and     this   .   .   .     this    is     something    we’re    going    to    figure    out      together,      okay?       but     you    ha   ---    have    to     promise     to      talk    to     me,      first    thing,     next     time,     okay?”       your    eyes    are     soft    as    they     meet    his,       letting    your     fingers     slip    back     between    his    and     you     squeeze     gently.      “i     can’t     help     you    if     you     don’t     talk     to    me.”

[euphreana]

The Shape of Truth - Chapter 13: Reality

Masterpost

-

Ambrosius was in no shape to walk. The window glass had been sharp, and a jagged edge sticking from the frame had gouged his leg when he’d jumped to freedom. The hospital’s drugs had numbed it out too much for Ambrosius to realize it though - it had been Nimona who’d noticed the blood dripping down his calf after coming to a landing in an alley several blocks from the hospital.

“Ohhhhh shit.” Nimona mumbled as Ambrosius clumsily tore his shirt into shreds and tried to staunch the bleeding. “That’s going to need stitches.”

Ambrosius shook his head.

“I’ll be fine. Just get us out of here.” He tied a piece of his shirt tightly under his knee. The wound below just kept bleeding. Ambrosius focused on the wound with his mind. If this was a dream, he should be able to stop the bleeding himself. Right?

He focused until he felt Nimona tap his shoulder.

“Hey?” She tried to get his attention, “We need to keep moving.”

The wound kept bleeding. Ambrosius began to wonder if this wasn’t a dream at all.

Nimona shifted into what Ambrosius could only assume was her, but ten years older, taller, and stronger. She hefted him onto her back and carried him through a maze of alleys and maintenance tunnels until they’d gotten out of the city and arrived at what looked like an old repair garage. It wasn’t much - just a single stone room with old workshop equipment in it. It did have a kitchen and a musty old couch Ambrosius could rest on though, and right now that was what was important.

“This place is safe.” Nimona said, dropping him onto the couch, “I’ve hidden out here a few times and no one ever noticed. We can hide out here as long as we need.” She glanced at the blood-soaked fabric wrapped around his leg. “I’ll go get supplies. Wait here. Try not to move too much.” And with that, she was gone.

Ambrosius sprawled on the couch, a million thoughts still swirling in his mind. Was this a dream? It didn’t feel like it. His head was finally starting to clear for the first time in a week, and he still didn't know what was real.

He held his right hand in front of his face. He tried pushing his left finger through his palm - a method he’d heard of before to tell if you were dreaming. His finger remained firmly outside his hand.

He looked up. There was writing on a tarp stretched across the ceiling above him - not garbled text like dreams had, but full words spelling out the name of the manufacturing company.

He closed his eyes and tried to imagine himself rising off the couch - something he’d done in dreams before. Nothing happened.

It was real; Nimona, the hospital escape, The Director’s guilt in framing Ballister… it was all real.

Ambrosius felt himself go limp, realizing the implications of the revelation. He was a fugitive. There was no other way to put it. He had no way of knowing who was in on The Director’s coverup and who was simply mistaken, and he didn’t have any friends he could trust. There was no one to turn to, nowhere to go. Anyone in their right mind would turn him in - not only had he attacked the head of state, but worse, he’d sided with Nimona, whom The Director had declared a monster.

A monster… Ambrosius couldn’t believe he hadn’t made the connection before. Leave out the bloodthirsty part and she fit the bill perfectly; an inhuman creature wanting to destroy society. Maybe the bloodthirsty part would come later. And now he was friends with it. Him. Gloreth’s child. Even if he could prove The Director had killed the queen, his reputation as a light for the kingdom had been tarnished.

Disappointed. He was so disappointed in himself. Things hadn't needed to go like this. He could have put Ballister’s sword back in the drawer and presented his evidence to someone else once he’d calmed down. He could have kept his wild tales to himself in therapy. He could have saved Ballister…

Ambrosius spent the next two hours agonizing over what-ifs and how he could have possibly done thing better. Finally, he pushed himself off the couch and limped to the kitchen for something to eat. If Nimona had stayed here before, there might be something left...

He caught a glimpse of his reflection in a shuttered window en route. He looked horrible. His hair was gone, the medication he’d been forced to take had made him lose weight and muscle, and there were dark patches under his eyes from stress. He was reminded of the prisoner from the movie Nimona had shown him; gaunt and dead inside.

There was a sound of someone kicking the front door. Ambrosius tensed.

“It’s me.” Nimona’s voice came. “My hands are full.”

Ambrosius limped to the door and opened it. Sure enough, Nimona was laden with supplies; bags hanging from her arms and slung over her back. Her hands held two cardboard cups.

“I forgot to ask for a tray.” She laughed as she entered, pushing one of the cups into Ambrosius’s hands. “I didn’t know what you’d want, so I got the stuff from before - Earl Grey, cream & sugar, or something like that. Right?”

It was supposed to be milk, not cream, but that didn’t matter. Ambrosius took a long drink.

“Exactly.” He said quietly, a slight smile spreading across his face.

Nimona unloaded supplies into the kitchen cabinets.

“So. I heard you attacked The Director. That’s pretty metal if you ask me.”

Ambrosius sat back down on the couch.

“She killed the queen.”

“Woah, WHAT?!”

Ambrosius told her about the sword and the paper with the email and password.

Nimona grinned.

“Look at you go, mister detective.” She closed a cabinet. “So we just need to get our evidence together so we can post it online, right?”

“There is no evidence.”

“Come again?”

“The invoice disappeared when they sent me to the psych ward. Probably trashed. The paper with the email is probably gone. And I never gave my email address to Meredith so she could forward me her copy of the emails. I’m not even sure if she’s alive anymore…”

Nimona put the last of the supplies away.

“So… what do we do now?”

“I don’t know… we should probably wait for things to die down at least. This little monster hideout looks like it could hold for a while.”

Nimona suddenly looked sullen. Ambrosius didn’t notice. He leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes. The kingdom would probably be best off if he did nothing. The Director was a good authority figure, murderer or not. There was no public unrest, and life for everyone was going smoothly. Exposing The Director could upset all that. He didn’t want to be a fugitive for the rest of his life though…

Something large landed on his lap with a muffled ‘whump’.

“I got you clothes.” Nimona said from across the room.

Ambrosius took a look at the duffel bag on his lap.

“Are these… from my dorm?”

“I hope so. Otherwise I raided someone else’s room.”

Ambrosius gave a slight smile and pulled a shirt from the bag. It was one of his.

“How’d you carry this all out of there?”

“You know that guy who told you to take the day off?”

“Ironwill?”

“Yeah. Apparently he can go wherever he wants without people asking questions.”

That made sense. Ambrosius pulled the shirt over his head.

“Those monster powers do come in handy.”

“Don’t use that word for me.” Nimona snapped. When Ambrosius looked, she was staring daggers at him.

“What? Mon—”

“DON’T.”

“But… what else are you?”

“I’m Nimona.”

“Yeah but…” Ambrosius backpedaled, still trying to rationalize his choices, “It’s ok - you’re a good monster, right?”

Nimona was suddenly in front of him, fists clenched.

“Think about that word you’re using. Really think.”

“It’s just a word.”

“No. It’s this entire place. It’s The Director and the wall and Gl—” her voice broke and she turned away. A moment later, she was a fox running outside through an open window.

“Nimona!” Ambrosius limped to the window as fast as he could. “Nimona I’m sorry! I won’t say it again!”

Only the whistle of the wind answered him.

Next

[ideasarestuckinmyhead]

my book of bill arrived yesterday, so imagine Seth getting a bunch of dramatic texts from Sugar one afternoon (half are key smashes) and he puts the pieces together realizes why they left in such a rush earlier

By the time Sugar gets back, they’re very sweaty and Seth has the living room ready

LOL yeah they both are making theories like that one meme of the gay w the chalk board.

Also they are having a blast w that website with the computer (idk what ifs calls but go Soos for figuring out the wires)