#ILL MAKE A BIG DRAMATIC POST ABOUT IT LATER

[synthwife]

THE WEB WEAVINGGG GOHH JTS HAOOPPENING

MAG 183'S "im sure i love you" VS WTNV 51'S "whats the other thing? you just said it"

[anonymouscheeses]

Sneak peak...

Some information below cut for those curious about my new au... vvv

This. IS A EVIL RILEY AU HAHARARARA 😈😈

Im so mentally ill.

I. LOVE. RILEY! So i decided sjnc3, im still in my inside out hyperfixation, y not make a comic/story for this stupid 3 am thought! (I dont know how i came up with this. I think it was during the middle of class...?)

This is goinf to be like outside in (iykyk) but obviously not the same. Its just got a dark thing going oj that may or may not be Joy's fault depending on where i wanna go with this so, Riley is gonna be messed up, its ohtside in but later in the timeline and she didnt get a lobotomy lmao. And other differences im too lazee to list! I gope you like my concept and stay for the ride 🥺🥺🙏

So, im not sure when the full concept comic will come out, maybe next month? Maybe in a few weeks idk im pretty lazee when it comes to big jproects lmao. Uhh, i think that's it, if you have any questions feel free to put an ask in my inbox or comment/reblog this post with the question!

And yes...

Val is going to go through so much pain..

(Also should i make this its own blog like i did for my ask blog, this wont be an ask!char series thing *maybe* but still, or should it stay here on this acc(i could make fanart 4 my own au and post it outside of the blog to seperate their associations with eachother properly... idk tho it seems a bit dramatic lol whay fo u thinm?)?)

(Updates on my tiktok: same @ but the username is riley andersen)

[fairyhaos]

how seventeen act after catching a cold

requested by anon: "Hey, can u pls do "how svt will act after catching a cold" like will they be clingy or crank with their s/o 😆"

notes: hope you enjoy! this is basically like the s/o counterpart to this post haha but they can also totally be seen separately

masterlist

seungcheol:

has those great big hacking coughs that make it sound like his lungs are being torn in two. he starts coughing and then motions for you to back away really quickly bc he doesn't want you to catch his germs. also a whiny baby. complains about his headache, his blocked nose, even his own coughs. asks you to check his temperature every hour bc he swears he's burning up so bad even though "cheol it's literally just an ordinary cold—"

jeonghan:

clingy. so so clingy. acts like every cold is as terrible as some major illness. tries to use it as an excuse to not get up for the entire day and spend it cuddling in bed with you (and conveniently forgetting that he's sick and could totally pass it onto you—unless… that's his intention…?). sounds like an old man w a croaky voice, laughs at himself and is striking up a conversation with you every half an hour bc he sounds so funny

joshua:

gets a cold just as autumn is setting in. gets another cold when winter is at its peak. gets a (kind of) cold in the summer due to his hay fever. asks you to carry around tissues w you so there's always someone who has it just in case. sometimes when he doesn't have a cold he'll lie in bed beside you and breathe rlly loudly through his nose as if to appreciate the fact that he can actually do it

junhui:

is absolutely Devastated. rarely catches colds, suffers terribly when he actually gets them. coughs so hard that his eyes start watering. loses his appetite, doesn't wanna eat or drink anything. initially refuses the conciliatory hugs you offer before falling into them willingly. is like a sad, dejected kitten for the entirety of his cold. almost starts crying in the middle of the night bc his throat feels like sandpaper n he hates it :((( needs to be petted on the head until he calms down

hoshi:

dramatically throws himself onto you when he comes back from work to tell you that he found out this morning that he was unwell and his head hurts so bad and he starting coughing so much that he almost wet himself. clings to you like a limpet for the entire evening. only lets you go bc you convince him you'll cook him something nice to eat. insists on sleeping next to you, croakily asks in the middle of the night if you'll still love him if he had no voice

wonwoo:

tries to breathe through his blocked nose, fails badly and sounds like the sputtering engine of a tractor. is utterly miserable, will not let you take care of him bc he's so sure he can take care of himself. eventually caves when you put his head in his lap and massage his headache away. very drowsy and kinda not-there the entire time he's awake, doesn't state it outright but he's really obviously hinting that he wants you to hold him throughout the night

woozi:

doesn't tell you when he catches a cold. you can only tell bc he's shuffling around the house a little sluggishly and he's taking ibuprofen along with his supplements in the morning. you try to convince him to sleep instead of going out to the gym but he insists that working out will help him sweat off the cold (?). comes home an hour earlier than normal bc he couldn't breathe through his blocked nose

minghao:

is mad. at his cold, mainly, but that makes him mad at everything so pls be a little delicate with him bc he might snap at you if you say the wrong thing. but then he immediately apologises afterwards because he doesn't mean it at all, he's just tired and his head hurts and his voice sounds weird in his own brain. gets really sleepy, ends up falling asleep on you on the couch while trying to tell you about his day. wakes up two hours later bc of his coughing fit

mingyu:

is sneezing??? a lot??? even though he has a cold??? asks you to cook chicken broth for him, is yelling instructions into the kitchen from where he's laying on the couch in the living room surrounded by pillows and a blanket. grabs the bowl and slurps the soup straight from it like a little child. asks you to pet his head to help him go to sleep, refuses to sleep in his own room during the day bc he wants to see you :((( it would sound rlly sweet if he hadn't coughed at you in the middle of the sentence

dokyeom:

is leaking liquid from his nose everywhere. throws his arms around you to hug you then pulls away quickly with a sleeve over his nose bc the sudden movement made his runny nose almost get all over you. doesn't carry around tissues with him, needs you to run to get some for him whenever he coughs too hard. puts his head in his lap and asks you with his puppy eyes to give him head pats and even tho he's sick you can't say no bc he's looking up at you so sadly

seungkwan:

asks in a baby voice for you to make him warm food bc he feels absolutely terrible </3 you have to force the paracetamol down his throat bc he keeps complaining about feeling terrible but doesn't Wanna take meds. carries round a silk hanky you bought for him once and always dramatically holds up a hand in the middle of a conversation to fish into his pocket and cough or sneeze into it

vernon:

has tissues permanently held over his nose, holds up his hand if you get too close and tells you to back away in case you get his cold. doesn't let you touch him even if it's just a common cold, tries to leave when you enter the same room as him before you reassure him 10 times that you'll be fine. sounds so nasally bc his nose is all bunged up to the point that it's almost comical, and you can't talk to him for too long before feeling like laughing

chan:

wants cuddles 24/7, even when he's sick. gets jokingly hurt if you hesitate, asks if a measly cold will stop you from giving him hugs. has those really wet coughs and they're so often and so hard that you have to pat his back to get him to stop coughing. disappears into his room saying he wants to take a nap, emerges the next day looking even worse than before bc now he even has a fever. wants to be spoon fed soup in bed

currently taking requests

[caffeine-clouds]

Sonic Characters When They're Sick

Hi, I'm sick - which is fun. But this gives me a good excuse to make yet another post. How Sonic characters act when they or their friends are sick, let's go hoes:

Sonic: He has two moods. When he just has mild sniffles? The WHOLE world knows about it;. He whines with the worst case of man flu imaginable and acts like he's about to die - much to the annoyance of everyone around him.

However, when he has a sickness you should worry about? No, you won't know about it. He'll keep trucking along to the best of his ability until he faints. As for when his friends are sick? He's more likely to laugh than anything else before running to get some medication.

Tails: He's smart so he actually knows like - how to take care of himself. He has a tendency to downplay his symptoms though but thankfully Sonic can spot when Tails is going through a rougher patch than he's letting on. The only time Tails will neglect looking after himself is when he's currently working on a big project and he doesn't want to stop - regardless of his sickness. Sleepless nights end up only making things worse and you get the point. Sonic or Amy has to drag him away from his work as a result.

Knuckles: For a guy who's lived in the wilderness all his life and has never stepped foot in a hospital - he's only gotten sick once in his life, guess he built up his immunity. He's got all the natural herbal remedies ready to go for his friends and basically goes into full-blown crunchy mom mode when he hears they're struggling. You have medicine in your hand? Nope, nope. Put that down. He's got the flowers, herbs, salts, and essential oils right here - you'll be just fine.

Amy: Again, as a functioning member of society - she knows how to take care of herself. She balances it out - she has both medicine and natural remedies to treat herself and others. She is doting on others when they're sick, especially Tails. Although she doesn't have patience for Sonic's bullshit. She WILLL show up to your house with dozens of baked goods because sugar = happiness, simple equation.

Rouge: Drama Queen, period. Homegirl is dramatic even when it's just a common cold. This has had an undesirable effect on her teammates that we will discuss later. She lays on the couch under a blanket, tub of ice cream in hand and watch whatever TV show she's been meaning to binge. Being ill is an excuse to be chill - that's her motto. She might remember to take actual medicine.

Shadow: Can't get sick. But when someone around him is sick, his germaphobe mode fucking activates. He will be cleaning the same countertop for ten minutes straight, very vigurously. Why? Because Rouge ended up accidentally teaching him that all form of Mobian sickness is the end of the world and in his mind - anyone could die from a cold if untreated. He does not want it spreading, and if he could get Rouge to wear a hazmat suit - he would. He's the one reminding everyone else to take their fucking meds.

Omega: He doesn't really understand the concept of sickness all that much but when he sees Rouge in pain - his instict is to go straight to the source. He will interrogate to find out who she caught it from and will proceed to beat up that person if they fail to stop him. Although let's be frank - he's mainly just feigning his ignorance at this point so he can have an excuse to get violent.

Blaze: Again, knows how to take medicine and keep herself hygenic. Often doted on by castle staff allthough she doesn't really like it when it happens. She will keep insisting she can carry out her royal duties instead of taking rests - which can have poor effects. But again, castle staff are there to stop her from going too far. Her friends also encourage her to rest because they know of this habit of hers. If her friends are sick - she'll make sure they have their meds, a place to rest, and a warm cup of tea before leaving them so she can go about her day.

Silver: Surprisingly the most competent in dealing with sickness alongside Amy. Again, a surprisingly strong immune system despite how much ash he's probably inhaled over the years. Maybe chaos energy exoposure fixed it - who knows? But anyways - he rests, he takes his medicine, but if he hears his friends are in a fight he will show up to it regardless of how he feels. When his friends are sick - he's supportive, always checking in to offer company and he's texting cute cat GIFs to cheer people up.

Tangle: She's got you, okay? She'll make you a nice drink - hot chocolate - with cream and sprinkles - she's on it, she'll give you snacks, she will find her old video game consoles and comics to keep you entertained, she will get you dozens of blankets - everything you need! Everything... except... medicine. She has a tendency to forget the important part.

Whisper: If she doesn't know you too well, she'll pass you the paracetamol with the longest piece of apparatus she can find so she doesn't have to get too close to you. If she is close to you however, (i.e. Tangle) - she is fretting, girl is waiting on hands and knees, she is ready to give you EVERYTHING you need - you just gotta say the word.

[sun-stricken]

Headcannons about sick!gray? Mine is that ice mages get sick really easily but he’s just great at hiding it until Lyon mentions it or something and suddenly the guild freaks out at a sniffle

Also don’t know if it’s any interest to you, but sometimes when I’m making fiction in my head I imagine gray is actually sick. Like when he does wear clothes they’re always tight around the middle, right? So what if being under all the rubble did something to his lungs/chest and so he needs the support sometimes

edit from like two hours after i responded, you asked me for my personal headcanons, but all i did was play on yours, so sorry 🙁

omg tysm for the ask, i love this

i agree that ice mages get sick easier than other mages, but also any mage whos magic effects their temperature fluctuation, (i might make a full post abt that later)

also i am dramatic and love to ramble, sorry if its too long!!

Gray is good at handling things himself, hes been taking care of himself for over a decade, itd be weird if he wasn’t

He takes care of others, looks after his guild-mates, maybe to pay off some sort of debt, or maybe because they dont take care of themselves (what a hypocrite)

he takes care of them, he doesn’t expect them to take on roles for him, didn’t expect them to take care of him; he did perfectly fine on his own, thank you very much

-Fairy Tail disagrees-

The moment Lyon started telling them horror stories about how often and how intense Gray got sick while learning magic, all hell broke loose, specifically, his team broke loose

Erza started grilling Lyon, how did he get sick, how often on average, why is it so easy, how did they help him as a kid, what do you mean he couldnt breathe? HISBODYCOULDNTWHAT???

(it felt all too familiar to a criminal interrogation)

Lucy fretted over Gray, eyes panicking trying to search for an illness that wasnt yet there, asking if he felt ill now, does he need water? should he sit down? why is he so red?

(why does she look so scared?)

Happy all but launched himself into Grays chest, crying about why he didnt tell them and other nonsensicals he could fully make out

Wendy popping in to say that while she cant heal illnesses she can help him any way she can, and maybe she cried just a little abt how she couldn’t help him fully

(a kid shouldnt be so stressed about not being able to help fix a problem that they didn’t make)

Natsu, now Natsu was pissed. Hes no stranger to being reckless and he knows it, but this wasn’t him, this was Gray; Gray who had always helped him through sicknesses and injuries, some of which the guild didnt even know of. why didnt he trust them to help him? why didnt he ever tell them anything? why didnt he figure it out?

it hurt. it really did.

(why isnt he trying to fight him? why isnt he yelling?

Gray stood there, red in the face and truly embarrassed, he didnt think it was that big of a deal and here they were, here was his guild, his family. vowing to take care of him from here on out.

He doesnt think hes ever felt so embarrassed, and guilty, and so loved all at once

also a foreboding, hes not sure why though

as it turns out, he was right to be cautious

days later he had a cold, a measly cold, he sniffled maybe once or twice, and he might’ve stumbled just a little, and all of a suddenly he was next to the guild fireplace, covered in too many blankets, a thermos in hand, and people constantly insisting on getting him things

he knew he shouldn’t have come today

although, they had every right to be worried, as it very quickly turned into pneumonia. lucky him

He was taken to the guild infirmary, his team right there with him

even through the chills, the too short and too fast breathing, the obnoxious heat in his whole body, and the ever so slight delirium creeping into his thoughts

he felt the hand atop his, felt the heavy weight of sharp eyes that miss nothing on him;

he felt the purring mini oven tucked into his side;

he felt a hand usually covered in armor carding through his hair, wiping the sweat from his forehead with a cool cloth;

he felt the way a trembling hand gripped his no longer free hand, felt the telltale sign of whisperers against his fingers;

he felt the minuscule vibrations of scrambling around him, heard the clinking of glass bottles no doubt full of remedies

…

he felt, loved.

THID IS SO LONG IM SORRY BUT IM SO OVERDRAMATIC AND LOVE TO RAMBLE

NOW FOR THE SECOND PART THAT I LOVE SO MUCH!

being under that collapsed building fucking with his lungs and ribs isnt something i ever thought of!

thats genius, i love it

im just imagining permanent damage to his lungs, not being able to use them to their full capacity, and maybe chronic pain in his ribcage area and sharp pains when he tries to draw in deep breaths

i think Makarov obvs knew this (maybe he makes everyone has full check ups yearly or every couple years, but also everytime someone joins the guild)

he warned Gray against overexerting himself because it could be especially dangerous for him

he was prescribed an inhaler and medication for his breathing and pain

but this was and is a boy full of too much pride and guilt, maybe he thinks he deserves it, maybe just doesnt care what happens to him, maybe he simply doesnt know his limits; but for whatever reason he doesnt listen, doesnt use his support unless it is absolutely unbearable

of course it gets better over the years, but that didnt start willingly, the guild found out, maybe Gray let it slip, maybe Jii-Chan did, or maybe they heard him scolding Gray for overdoing it again

but they found out and would check up on him, give him advice from some of their experience with their own disabilities

Ive hced for a while that Gildarts was particularly fatherly (or like, a protective uncle…ly?) with the kids of Fairy Tail, so i think he wouldve been the one to get him this pressure support thing for his ribs

it worked, and so does heating pads/packs, which lead to the next development

and after Gray joined up with his team and got closer, he would make Natsu be his own personal heat pack bc that is such a sweet and silly image to me

Natsu surprisingly complained minimally

i wonder why? :)

more little sick things

Gray doesnt get hungover, probably the only illness he gets lucky on

he gets really talkative and delirious when hes sick, and clingy

he’ll ramble abt random things he has to do, not realizing he cant for obvious reasons

he’ll talk about life before Ur, about his siblings who never had the chance to live; about ppl who left Isvan before Deloria came, wondering if theyre alive and actually living, if they remember him

whoever’s with him does him the courtesy of not bringing it up when hes better

Lucy gets really scared when people are sick, it makes her think of watching her mom deteriorate, she refuses to go through that again

She spoke to Natsu and Erza about this while Gray was sick once, broke down and said she wad terrified of losing someone she loves to a stupid sickness again

Gray will cling to the person closest to him when he’s ill, holding their hand, leaning on them, just not letting them leave; he finally is letting himself be taken care of and it feels good, he’ll be damned if he lets that go again

Natsu was so angry when Lyon told them, he was so angry and so scared that even with his heightened senses he didnt know anything at all

If hes with Gray when hes sick, he rarely takes his eyes off the uneven rise and fall of his best friends chest, as to reassure himself that Gray was still breathing, that he was still here and didn’t disappear

Gray will get up and try to get things done when hes sick, he is not the type to sit down and rest and recover

he had to be physically hauled back to bed on multiple occasions

Erza is lost when people are sick, ever the leader though, she tried to take the lead, giving people jobs and trying to make sure everything is order

it ends up quite the opposite though, halfway through she reluctantly hands the reins to someone else

she tries though

Gray has a box full of ‘get well soon!’ gifts and cards, he likes to look through then and read all the messages over and over again

i lied. he has three boxes, his friends are overachievers

fin.

[eliamartel]

So, I'm way more critical of GRRM than, like, 90 percent of the fandom so I have a very low opinion of how he will handle R/L. I 100 percent think that when he conceived of the story back in the 90s he meant for R/L to be an unambiguous, consensual love story. He once called R 'lovestruck' and a fool in love in a few interviews which lmao. I am not saying this as a R/L shipper, I actually intensely despise both characters. But this is the same man that called the Dani/Drogo wedding night a 'seduction' and included a J*n/Ar*a romance in his original outline. Keep in mind, J*n knew Ar*a while she was literally IN UTERO but people somehow think GRRM will frame R/L as some parable on the dangers of an older man grooming a young girl lol. Do I think that now, in the post-me too era where everyone is super cognizant of issues like age gaps and grooming, etc. he realizes that he needs to 'fix' that relationship? Yes. A big reason I think it's taking him so long to finish the books and why he never will is because a lot of his ideas back in the 90s are now deeply unpalatable to modern audiences. That's kinda what happens when you procrastinate for three decades on finishing a series - social mores change dramatically and now you have to course correct. I just don't think he has the effort, care, or energy to critically reappraise his framing of R and R/L as a couple. I do think prophecy played a part in R's actions, but GRRM also meant for R/L to be in love. Now, do i hope GRRM does not frame it this? Yes. But I have almost zero faith in him lol.

Hi anon, I think you're saying that since Grrm has a warped view of consent because he called Dany/Drogo's first night as seduction (when it's clear it was rape), you think he might not view R/L as problematic and might depict them as a love story because he has also called Rhaegar a love-struck prince before, and paired Jon with Arya in the original outline... I don't agree. Grrm is wrong for what he said about Dany and Drogo, but in the text, though Dany views Drogo positively, their relationship is still depicted as abusive.

I'm just basing my thoughts on what we know from the main series here because I have no idea what Grrm initially intended for them in the 90s.

If Grrm intended this relationship to be consensual and positive, I don't think he would characterise Rhaegar as someone obsessed with siring three children, nor would he give Rhaegar a wife who he reproductively abused for children before he left for Lyanna.

Remember, Rhaegar and Aerys' main purpose in the story is to incite events that bring the end of House Targaryen in Westeros; their actions and their crimes are supposed to spark the rebellion that destroys their dynasty. That's why GRRM has characterised Rhaegar as prophecy mad: he was obsessed with siring three children; he impregnated his chronically ill wife in quick succession and humiliated her in front of the nobles from across the kingdoms at Harrenhal; he knew something had to be done to remove his father from power but chose to make everything worse by disappearing with a Lord Paramount's daughter. He left his family and the realm at the mercy of his mad father for months before reappearing and promptly dying in his first battle.

I don't see Grrm positively depicting such an irresponsible character or giving him any narrative triumph or hero-like treatment just because he contributed sperm that created one of the protagonists. I think GRRM intends for Rhaegar to be glorified through the eyes of some (very flawed) characters, and then later dismantle his romanticised image by exposing his true nature. Alongside Rhaegar's romanticization, Grrm has also written many instances that hint that Rhaegar was not as great a man as his admirers say.

In ASOS, Jorah Mormont tells Dany that "there was no higher honour than to receive your knighthood from the Prince of Dragonstone." To readers, it looks like Rhaegar was an incredibly noble and admirable person; however, that line is a callback to AGOT (Sansa II), where we read that Rhaegar had knighted Gregor Clegane, the man who brutally murdered his wife and children. This shows GRRM didn’t intend to depict Rhaegar as a good man, even when he published AGOT in 1996.

Since Rhaegar's faults are not yet as emphasised in the text compared to his romanticised image, readers may not notice or give importance to them. However, Grrm is not the type of writer to continue glorifying a character whose actions brought so much pain and suffering to others, so I'm certain he will negatively depict Rhaegar in the future.

My take on R/L is this. I think Grrm is only making R/L seem like a love story when what actually happened is much darker. I really can't see how he could have intended for R/L to be unambiguously consensual once Rhaegar is implied to desperately want 3 children and it's implied that he might have raped Elia for conceiving Aegon because he impregnated her when she was on bed rest recovering from the birth of their first child, Rhaenys. It was only after Elia was said to be too weak to give birth to another child that he took Lyanna. He hid Lyanna in a secret tower in the middle of nowhere, and she died giving birth with not even a maester to assist her. It sounds like Rhaegar cared more about her staying hidden and giving birth in secret than about her health.

Also, when Grrm glorifies Rhaegar through the eyes of characters like Jorah, Barristan, Cersei, Kevan Lannister, and Jon Connington, he uses that character's (and the reader's) prejudice regarding misogyny, racism, and ableism to depict Elia. Many of them call Elia unworthy and blame her for Rhaegar cheating on her and for the war. Elia is also sidelined without a voice. I'm pretty sure Grrm characterises Elia like this for now in order to build Rhaegar's image and Rhaelya's 'love'. If Elia was given more space in the backstory, readers would sympathise more with her than with the mirage of noble Rhaegar and his beautiful romance with Lyanna that birthed our hero Jon Snow.

And notice how none of Rhaegar's admirers care about Lyanna either! Some of them romanticise Rhaegar's love for her, but they don't care that he was said to have abducted her and she later died because of it. It's interesting that Rhaegar is romanticised through characters who don't sympathise with the women he harmed. It's only a bunch of randos who personally never knew Rhaegar that are shown to admire him (Dany, too, is only idealising an image of Rhaegar that Viserys and Barristan fed her). I'm certain that in the next book, GRRM will condemn Rhaegar and dismantle his legacy.

[biggothbelly]

I searched for it because it's fascinating that people willingly do this to themselves. Nickacado avocado got my curiosity at first. Obviously doing it for other people otherwise it wouldn't be publicized, come on. Look how predatory the users are, asking people to keep making content at their own expense!

The problem is it's not really comparable to something like chronic illness, because with this it's the positive feedback loop causing dependency on food for positive feelings. It wrecks any self control you might have, which is obviously important for creativity and focus in the long term etc. It's a hard dependency to break away from and I hope you are able to see that sooner rather than later. Life is about more than giving in to the wishes of weirdos on the internet who claim to care about you but encourage feederism. Make your own life!

Or you searched for it because y’all got a secret lol like you can’t be that bored? Maybe find a hobby instead of worrying about strangers. Listen, this is only part of my life not the whole thing. I’m nothing like him lol I do this for MY OWN pleasure. Not for others lol. Realize that women and non-binary people can be sexual too and have their own sexual preferences. I’m living my own life and having fun. I don’t rely on food to feel happy LMFAOO I don’t have an eating disorder y’all are weird for assuming MY LIFE. This is just fan behavior at this point. You’re a weirdo. You ever hear of hmmm I don’t know…. I dramatize my posts to make them more interesting ? Suddenly everyone wants to feel “smart” and superior with their buzzwords. Y’all are fucking weird as fuck. Kiss my big fat ass thanks!

[liberty-barnes]

went down a rabbithole of discourse to see what people mean when they say they don't like the wedding and well

let me ask you this:

do you not the like this plotline because it's "poor writing" (even though it was literally planned from the start, ie rafael knowing) or you do not like it because it shows that carlos isn't a saint with minimal, "cute" flaws, here to help tk get better?

do you not like iris or are you villainising her because she's "getting in the way of your ship" and doesn’t act in a neurotypical way, or in what you're "used to" seeing from neurodivergent characters?

really think about these cause i think you might figure some things out.

now i haven't made it a secret that i'm liking this plotline, but i'm not just gonna call out one side without explaining mine, that would just be unfair, so here are my full thoughts now that ep2 is out

i love this plotline because it's an opportunity to delve into carlos' character development, which when compared to tk, we haven't had much. like sure, they've been a couple and stuff but apart from the jealousy with connor and the issue with his parents, what have we really learned about carlos? compared to all the development we've had from tk, carlos at times felt very much like a tool for tk to move forward, because the character himself still had such limited growth opportunities

now the marriage plotline is his time to shine. i recently reblogged a post where it was mentioned that tk came full circle in the first 3 seasons, starting with a failed proposal and ending with a successful one, so i think that tk at this point is okay to take a secondary, and just overall less dramatic approach to his character development. because we've seen him go through the big things. now it's carlos' turn to do like a pokemon and evolve.

we get to see the full scope of his anxiety, internalised homophobia, and saviour complex.

it's already a huge step that he talked to tk about it before he took care of the divorce. people with anxiety disorders (it's me hi i'm people) can tell you that bringing up a problem without having a solution is next to inconceivable. we feel like we always need to have solutions for our problems and if we don't, then people can't know about them. so the fact that carlos trusted tk enough to tell him (albeit after being "forced" to by andrea) tells you a lot about just how much he cares. and we also got the opportunity of seeing tk's growth because he didn't take it personally, didn't think this was against him, he understood that this was carlos' own problems and just like carlos helped him deal with his issues, tk's gonna help him deal with this.

it also shows just how far carlos' internalised homophobia went, and shows that even though most of it wasn't on screen, he's done amazing progress. the conversation on the couch is a testament to that growth, to him realising he wasn't broken at all. it's also a great way to show internalised homophobia, because it's something that most queer people go through, especially at the beginning, and i think it's beautiful to show that no matter how much time passes or how many mistakes you make, the important part of it is that you found yourself, the rest can be taken care of later.

and of course, his saviour complex. we saw it when he let the bank robber go, we saw it when he broke down because he felt like he failed tk by not having enough fire extinguishers to protect him, and we see it now by him staying married to iris for the health insurance. abd not going to see her because in some way, he feels like he failed her. maybe he should have noticed her illness sooner, or he should have been there with michelle from the start, but he didn't know what to do or what to say so he just didn't go. which again, if you have an anxiety disorder, you can relate. sometimes when things feel too hard or we don't have a set plan for everything that's gonna happen, or we make it harder than it is in our minds, we just don't go. speaking from experience, i ghosted my therapist for a year cause i forgot to call in sick for one appointment and thought she would judge me so i didn't go back. that's just how much anxiety can affect you, and for carlos, this is his "monster", this marriage is the thing that he desperately wants to fix but doesn't know how, finds too complicated, so he's stuck where he is because he's just not able to fix it.

and it's amazing to see how much tk gives him strength, the trust they share, and how carlos found his motivation in tk. that's love and from one anxious person to another, i'm really proud of carlos

now as for iris, i love her, i really do. she shows a mental illness that we don't always see, and normalises the fact that even after being medicated, neurodivergent people aren’t just suddenly gonna be "fixed". she's saner with her medication but we see how she finds it hard to communicate because her brain just works differently. when can see during her talk of an annulment, she thought she was being obvious the whole time, and it was only after tk asked for an explanation that she realised she needed to express this better. she doesn't mean her questions maliciously (ie carlos warning tk beforehand and being ready to step in if it got too much while also trusting that his fiancé can hold his own), she just has questions and asks them. she asks them because she's curious, because she's worried about carlos, because she wants to know more about tk. she doesn't have that little voice in her head telling her that her questions can be taken the wrong way.

and the part everyone's mad about, with her calling tk carlos' life's work. she didn't say it to insult tk, she didn't say it because she thinks he doesn't deserve carlos, she said it because in her mind it proves how perfect they are for each other. "always needs a project" + "can be his life's work" = soulmates. and idk if i understood that because i'm neurodivergent or because whatever else, but it made sense in my brain, i get her.

and ofc, it's a great opening to show off tarlos' ability to communicate with each other and both their individual and joint growth.

now for the fact that they can't get an annulment, i'm honestly not sure that was the plan at all, it might have been brought in just for the symbolism and after realising they can't do it, they'll have to stick with divorce. i don't know, i'm hapoy to let the writers surprise me and then pick apart and analyse the story as it comes.

and for the fact that iris is now missing, again, don't have many thoughts about it right now other than i think she went looking for the woman at the care center that she talked about when tk first got there, bc that comment felt too pointed not to become a plot point. but again, i'll hold any thoughts until after the episode air.

i see so many people getting stuck on what could happen, and what was "seen coming" etc, but honestly, just trust the writers. we know it will end in a wedding, ronen and rafael trust the writers fully, and that's good enough for me you know. i'm not gonna stress about what "could happen" in a tv show, i do that enough irl. i'm just gonna enjoy the ride.

so yeah that was me

[yuukei-yikes]

Tell us about Shinaya’s breakup :D

HEHDJEIDNEKFJEKDKEK ive had this ask since i posted i was thinking abt it MAN i cannot express to u i just. I WANNA WRITE A FIC SO BAD but AUGH im so bad at it it makes me cringe i cant do that but its basically like all my damn posts together u know. i keep thinking of shintaro's disastrous relationships post str going from ayano to kano to takane etcetc sorry im playing with him like a stress toy making him go thru hell but its so fun

srry i dont wanna have to rewrite a lot of stuff so erm im liking this answer 🫡🫡🫡 and i could link a bunch more just so u SEE MY VISION... but i think linking that is enough. ON AND OFF SHINAYA MY BELOVED

shintaro and ayano sort of having this ridiculous relationship because both are hurting and jumped in a relationship too quick but fighting/being sad about stupid shit is so much easier than dealing with their actual issues that they've got with themselves. like focusing on each other and what they don't like about each other and their relationship is so much easier than crying about how suicidal they are. lollllll SO LIKE this insanity sort of saves them at the same time??

i mean the most ideal would be that instead of getting together they got therapy and the normal kind not the relationship kind. you know. but also theyre traumatized and ugh. its so much easier to resent each other than themselves. its so much easier to be petty. its such a relief to cry over relationship problems than over timeline resets or dead parents and etc. YOU GET ME?????

they keep breaking up and getting back together ridiculously like it is 1000% so dramatic each and everytime. ayano crying her eyes out like its the end of the world and shintaro making 100 sad playlists. and it happens at least monthly. the first time everyone's like WHOA THEY BROKE UP!?!? SHIT!! the second time its like heyyy maybe they'll work it out like last time!! third time its like are you joking. fourth time they're already begging them to stop. by they i mean the dan but especially takane by the way. who do you think is picking up the pieces.

and by the way the one breaking up all the time and being dramatic as hell is shintaro. he gets angry and annoyed and weaponizes the LETS BREAK UP thing because he DOESNT MEAN IT. like he knows he and ayano will work it out later. he gets comfortable again. not to get on the ayano surviving thing, but i think ayano (and hiyori but especially ayano) making it out alive undoes a big part of the message abt moving on. like i love her so im not complaining thats i love having her alive :3 but i like to translate this into shintaro like. he's intensely trying to repress/process all the memories of the other timelines to cope and have a normal life and ends up being this way because he's sort of self sabotaging himself. like ayano's alive and she likes me??? lol. ok?? ill wake up any moment now!! and he feels guilty and undeserving and is sort of a dickhead to her in an unconscious attempt of keeping her away because that's what he deserves according to him. also why he's accepting of takane's intense obsession with him lol bc she's familiar and she is comfortable, unlike ayano who is so rare and one in its kind in all the timelines. he is sort of terrified of her in a way.

the lets break up isnt rly a breakup. its just a leave me alone see u later. LOL i think we talk too much abt kanoshin bringing the worst in each other but what about shinaya. they do that too. yeah we CAN have fluffy shinaya. but like i said it is so easy to focus all this bitterness and sadness into each other and it's so relieving to be sad and angry about this rather than everything else. because this is sort of in their control while everything else isn't, wasn't. and its so unfair. of course its unfair!! but they cant do anything abt it. so they just go crazy on each other. ayano is DESPERATE to be needed. i could link more replies but i will hold myself back. basically her siblings are used to being alone/know she has her own problems and ayano is dealing with this emptiness and feeling of failure bc no one needs her, from her perspective her sacrifice still failed to save everyone, her parents are gone so she needs to step up. like she puts herself under all this pressure and feels Not Good Enough for ANYTHING. and she is dating shintaro.

it's EASY to bother him and try to get him to open up and etc so she ridiculously focuses on that. but it gets on shintaro's nerves to say the least LOL plus all his other issues i mentioned 🫡plus she keeps being like we have to be normal. lets kiss and hold hands and cuddle. but she's too embarrassed to say it/do it and shintaro is even more pathetic about it. so theyre both frustrated about everything and can barely even sit next to each other without acting insane.

AND SORRY BUT I WILL TALK ABT TAKANE🫡💞💗💖💝💕💘ofc. codependent shintaka. of course. it drives ayano CRAZY because on top of all their problems takane is able to talk sense into shintaro each and every single time. and she is soooo jealous like she knows its stupid but she cant help ittt i ALSO TALKED ABT THIS SORRY I KEEP REPEATING MYSELF IM JUST SO CRzy abt it. hehe......the whole mess bringing drama to harutaka too bc shintaro and ayano are so messy theyre contagious is so fun to me. when it comes to shintaro and takane's horrible relationship both their romantic relationships suffer for it but deal with it completely differently. while both haruka and ayano deal with jealousy somewhat, ayano is so hurt and already at the verge of a mental breakdown so she's focusing so many negative emotions on it and AGAIN it just serves as another point of argument between shintaro and ayano while haruka is like. his mental state isnt as convoluted as ayanos, he's rather freaking out and terrified of being left alone. THIS IS ABT SHINAYA so i wont get into harutaka side but lol. heh. Looks at it. zooms in it. like what i mean is that haruka and takane talk and work through it and are like sighs yeah...this is messed up while shintaro and ayano are using it against each other instead of working on it LMAO

ANYWAYS. ayano breaks up with shintaro. vine boom. total breakdown moment like everyone out of the room i wanna talk to you alone. and this time its for REAL. like ayano isnt confrontational at all, all their arguments are always her being pushy abt idk mental health and shintaro's like godddd STOPPPPP and ayano crying and shintaro being like I CANNOT DEAL WITH THAT. IM SORRY I GUESS. CAN U GET OUT OF THE ROOM. WE'LL TALK LATER. but he also sucks so bad at letting the other person know they can count on him so he kind of assumes ayano will do it when she's ready because he KNOWS she's in pain. like. ofc it could go well. ofc shintaro and ayano could work through everything with kindness and comprehension for each other but they're both so sad and suddenly find themselves annoyed at each other one time and it felt so freeing to do that that they just keep doing it. especially shintaro. having ayano be mad at him is sort of relieving because he feels undeserving of her and its like yeah. Yeah!! i know its ooc but shinaya screaming match.god. sorry but all their bottled up emotions abt everything and they take it out on each other for no reason other than theyre giving each other the space and it plays out that way. theyre acting crazy about something so stupid like shintaro not wanting ayano to wear his clothes or whatever. like they scream about that but its not about that. it just feels so good to scream. it feels so good to scream and let it out even if they haven't given themselves the time to process that theyre not... actually screaming abt that at all. theyre screaming about everything else. not even about each other. its about themselves. its always been.its never been about each other. when it is, its stupid. thats why they do it. its just easier. God. they were just not ready for a relationship, especially not one with each other out of all people.

ayano breaks first, therefore dumps shintaro lol. he goes thru his own fucked up arc afterwards while ayano gets help. my man spirals DOWN. whether they get back together or not depends on my mood 🤨 but if they do, its by the time theyre in their mid twenties or something so a few years later LOL i picture them dating like for over a year maybe?? when theyre 18/19. hehe.

like. do you get it.

[mlimby]

JJBA Character Model Studies/Analysis (only Part 5)

Hi, this post is just me praising the art direction in the “Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure” fighting games “Eyes of Heaven” and “All Star Battle”. Don’t know if this has been done before but I’ve been thinking about this so much.

     One thing I love about the character design in these games is that they avoid same-face-syndrome. Each character is given unique facial features AND retains their part’s art style “quirk”, I guess you could call it, that anime/manga sometimes struggles with (due to the nature of the genre.) This is the closest to canon appearance descriptors that we are going to get that are not the basic things like height, hair color, eye color, etc. I’m talking like face shapes and whatnot. 

     Since the Part 5 cast are my favorites, I’m going to be using them as my examples. Yes, I am starved of Part 5 content.

Each image I use is going to be from a GTA 3 mod page (which I will source at the end of this post cause don’t you want to play as them in GTA?) since it’s the clearest and most consistent set of close up images I could find lol. 

Giorno:

Round, hooded(?), soulful, watery, wet beast eyes (his iris and pupils take up most of the space in his eyes)

Winner of wettest most watery eyes on the team

Very angled, blocked in eyebrows

Heart shaped face (widest at the forehead with pointy chin) very much emphasized by his cornet hair

Square jaw

Big ole rounded ears that stick out (Second biggest ears on team)

Slightly wider nose relative to the width of his mouth but overall balanced facial features

The way his suit is modeled gives him kind of a blocky appearance and make his limbs look shorter

Short fingers

In all, they gave him a very rounded/blunt appearance

I don’t believe in kibbe typing but, Soft Natural

Bucciarati:

Horizontally long, almond shaped eyes with visible double eyelid (smaller iris and pupils leave most of the white showing)

Has the second driest eyes on the team (only behind Mista)

Super thin, straight eyebrows that are more filled in towards the front (probably drew them on)

Thinner, oval face shape I think (pulls off the blunt bangs and bob cut very well good for him!)

Has a wider mouth and super full lips

Thin and long nose (emphasizing longer mid face makes him look more mature)

He got small bones

Well tailored suit (compared to Giorno’s somewhat ill fitted modified school uniform)

Long, slender fingers

Sleek, modern, and sharp impression

Probably Dramatic Classic lol

Fugo

Round/almond shaped eyes with visible double eyelid (smaller iris and pupils with most of the white showing)

Very long, angled, eyebrows but not as fat as Giorno’s

I’d like to say he has an oblong face shape plus IMAX forehead (sorry)

More v shaped jaw most similar to Bucciarati

Similar facial feature placement to Bucciarati but has a slightly more rounded nose tip and a not as pinched nose bridge

Big ole hands and fingers

Lanky teenage boy archetype

Very rectangular but slightly more blunt than sharp

Flamboyant Natural or straight up Dramatic probably

Narancia

Big round eyes with visible double eye lid but his iris and pupil still leave a lot of white showing (biggest eyes on team)

Big ears like huge ears (biggest ears on team)

Really thick and noticeable bottom lashes

Second place for most watery eyes on the team (I’d describe them as more sparkly and alert than watery I suppose)

Thin but angled eyebrows

Oval face shape but no sharp or hard edges just round (retains the most facial baby fat)

V shaped/rounded jaw but not as defined

Lips similar in proportion to Giorno’s but with a more defined cupid’s bow

Shorter limbs

Smaller hands with smaller fingers

He’s not short! He’s compact!

He’s like a small rock to me just all muscle but thin

Like how monkeys have super compact muscles that make their limbs appear thin but they’re actually super strong and can do unspeakable damage

Flamboyant Gamine

I’ll add more of the team in a later reblog of this post or a separate one I don’t know.

Image Sources: (all by Alessandar212)

[seizerofdarkness]

Following up on this post, here's a takeaway of the writers' commentary on the season 5 finale.

(click read more for extra stuff I noticed playing in the background)

Plan "Perfect Alliance" was planned ever since "Animaestro", with the papers Gabriel and Tomoe needed signed.

Nightormentor's existence functions essentially as capitalism, people in power dishing out poison to sell the antidote, creating useless tools and causing mental illnesses to render people addicted to said tools. Hence Adrien using it being described by Plagg as "succumbing to the Alliance ring".

Frédéric/que Lenoir is called the "Queen of Cheese" for coming up with Plagg's cheese puns (their coworker Mélanie meanwhile, like Tikki, loves extra sugar in everything).

Plagg shaking his rear to the camera allowed to break the tension and recall that the show is targeted towards a younger audience that needs a laugh once in a while.

"The damaged Peacock Miraculous will eventually kill you by where you've sinned." - Astruc in the most dramatic voice ever.

To write Miraculous, they had to write the story of Gabriel, Emilie, Audrey, André and Nathalie.

Ivan is more stressed than he appears. We'll learn more about why later down the line.

Emilie's coffin is quickly called a sarcophagus (Pharaoh parallels?)

Marinette hiding under the sink was a Jurassic Park reference.

Luka and co. were fighting in Rio, in the beach of Copacabana.

From the moment Bug Noire grabs her glue Lucky Charm and knows what to do with it, it delves into the writing of season 6 since they know how the battle ends from there on out.

According to the writers, it's not Ladybug/Bug Noire who wins, it's Marinette. Violence or powers aren't the resolution as she talks to Gabriel, it's the people who talk to one another, delivering their emotions and rather than be the toy of their emotions, master them and try to understand them. By understanding your emotions, you can think in more reasonable ways and take the right decisions.

Gabriel's scene crying is very emotional to the writers because it's the one scene where he's this moved, where the struggle between his wish to bring Emilie back and his love for his son comes to play. He believes love is above good and evil, and to solve this emotional crisis, Marinette takes a huge gamble by detransforming to try and confront him by the feelings, rather than the fists as stated before.

Gimmi is compared to a Swedish 70's album cover image.

What marks Marinette's victory is not what Gabriel says, but what he does, removing the Bee ring to free Marinette from Venom (in a way, I think it works well as a villain move as well, as if he was still evil, freeing her from his trap would be the first step towards his usual undoing, hypothetically in a less final situation).

And now the big one...

NO, GABRIEL DID NOT REVIVE EMILIE. HE FINALLY EMBRACED HIS GRIEF AS HIS SON DID. BUT, as his love for her is too much, he decides to join her instead by remaking reality.

But then again, when seeing Emilie/Amélie, they beg the question which one it is, say they don't know and that we'll figure it out. WRITERS, WHY

Additional words that Gabriel realized that with all the power he has, he still can't make his son happy. There's more to his wish.

The next seasons will have a different flavor compared to what we have.

They consider the final kiss between Marinette and Adrien to be their first real kiss.

The Miraculouses' original forms and their ring forms are an analog to industrial and traditionally handmade crafts. Marinette reconfiguring them changes them back from chain products to more individual, personalized items with their own identities for everyone rather than owned by one.

The season 6 school will be the kind of school system "that should be" (with Thomas sending an indirect remark to his art teacher).

And that's about it.

In the background while writers are talking, Marinette and Parisians can be seen dancing on a screen testing unfinished models and animations with captions at the bottom, singing about how lovely Paris is. Seems like another music special's on the way, or we'll just have a song in season 6. Marinette is musing about her dreams and someone, seemingly Adrien, says "those are beautiful" before taking her as she resumes singing and hopping around.

Marinette's still in her s1-5 getup, so it's possible it's for a sequel to the movie (there's a still 2D image of Marinette looking embarrassed like the first movie when she's walking in the halls).

[hoodssery]

Recommending Video Essays #1

I am currently sick and dealing with the constant bodily betrayal of having a chronic illness. This means I don't really have much to do (or much I can do comfortably), and am doing what little things I can and distracting myself with games like Battlefield and Arma 3 King of the Hill and video essays playing in the background of 24/7 Operation Locker servers.

Video essays are a pretty popular format for YouTube considering the design of all large scale social media platforms centers around a short attention span, click more things kind of philosophy that seems to be doing very well in the modern digital age. More than that video essays on all kinds of topics seems to be becoming the new form documentary is taking, with a notable amount of video essays even taking up the title of “documentary”.

But, that doesn't really matter because I'm sure you all can agree that what really matters is someone with 12 subscribers and no followers telling you what's good content to shove into your sensory holes that come standard with every human being.

The style and format of certain Youtubers have dramatically shaped not just my content, but the way I consume all media now. That's a pretty big deal because at the end of the day most of these people are schmucks like me who sit in their house, play video games, and say what's right and wrong. Even weirder is that I don't even know these people!

So in honor of these fellow weirdos, and because I don't have anything much better to do, I'm gonna recommend a video essay everyday of me being sick. And who knows, maybe I'll even manage find the little will it takes to do this less frequently after I can move more than 100 feet at a time.

Recommendation: God of War - Almost a Masterpiece by Joseph Anderson (https://youtu.be/pJPOvLvdugw)

POTENTIAL SPOILERS AHEAD FOR BOTH God of War (2018) AND JOSPEH ANDERSON'S VIDEO

For most of these people I will be recommending you may have already heard of them, or seen videos from them, especially if you're traveling in obscure enough circles to find these posts. Joseph Anderson may or may not be one of these people. I can say from first hand experience that for a long time, I only recognized his profile picture of an illustration of a Dragon from the cover of his book The Wizard and the Dragon. While I can't speak for his talent and merit as an author of fantasy novels, Joseph Anderson is someone whom I greatly respect for their work as a critic of video games. He has had a very consistent voice for gaming since his first his first set of five videos entitled Dark Souls Critique – Part One – Five. Since then Joseph Anderson has consistently gotten better at producing and making these essays, with his best work being multi-hour, in-depth critiques of games ranging from Super Mario Odyssey, to Bloodborne.

However, the one that I find is his best, and the one that I would recommend to people who haven't watched his videos before is God of War – Almost a Masterpiece. This is the video where Joseph Anderson's methodical, long form breakdown of video games shines through the most. Despite covering almost every facet of the game over just about three hours flat, the video remains very focused on his view of the narrative that is set up for later games in this new God of War series. Even when he does stray from the path of the narrative, it's never for nothing and provides a more interesting insight into the gameplay, open world, structure of side quests, and comparisons to the other game's stories and gameplay than I've seen from anyone else covering this game.

Joseph Anderson is a huge inspiration for me. There is very little waste in his videos, and what waste there is always is providing some information, even if it's redundant or excessive. He is someone I honestly cannot recommend enough even if he's never gonna finish that Witcher 3 video.

Other recommendations from his channel:

-The Villian of Edith Finch, a video I would recommend if you don't have time to watch a movie length video. (https://youtu.be/6bMn4CoyUkM)

-A Critique of SOMA, another short one. (https://youtu.be/J4tbbcWqDyY)

-Super Mario Odyssey – It's no Masterpiece, is a video I don't agree with, but is also a video where his arguments about the game make me analyze my own position on the game. In my opinion, the sign of a good critique. (https://youtu.be/kYJx5xt2cB0)

[tandytoaster]

Cute news!

Nanny remembers Steven !

EVEN BETTER NEWS

SHE DOESNT REMEMBER HIS NAME

[ah-ga-seven]

No More Pain | Jung Jaehyun

Pairing: Jung Jaehyun x Fem!reader 

Synopsis: The lingering wounds of your miscarriage have reopened. Now that you are broken up, an unforseen change in Jaehyun’s life has brought him back to your doorstep. Will he be able to fix you this time? Or will he fail just the same as before?

Genre: Angst, One Shot. 

Warnings: mentions of the reader having a miscarriage, depression, alcohol addiction and heartbreak.

Word Count: 2.8k

A/N: Probably one of the heaviest angsts I’ve written. I know the subject is rough but the idea came from a dream so I just had to write it down.

This was a different kind of pang to your heart.

You’ve had your fair share of tragedies, heartbreaks and disappointments, but this…

This feeling was nothing like anything you’ve ever felt before and quite frankly, you wouldn’t wish this upon your greatest enemy.  

It was a Thursday night, one like many where you decided to stay in and recharge from a busy day at your demanding job.

You were seated on your couch with a hot cup of tea as you mindlessly scrolled through your Instagram feed. Completely wrapped in the warmth of your favorite fleece blanket. But even the thick fluffy material couldn’t protect you from the cold shivers that ran down your spine.

You blankly stare at the post your best friend forwarded to you via dm and stiffened.  

Memories of the night you miscarried 4 months into your pregnancy flood back to you as you stare at his comment.

You remembered how broken he looked when the doctor couldn’t find the baby's heartbeat anymore.  

You remembered how he held you as you cried in his arms, promising that he’d love you just the same as he tried to console you to his best ability while suffering himself.

You remembered the pain and the relief of having Jaehyun by your side through it all. Glad that even though your life was about to change forever, he’d be the one constant thing you could rely on.

You remembered all of these moments like they happened yesterday, wishing future you could mentally prepare past you for what was going to be the hardest time in your life.  

The man who swore never to leave you did just that, and not even 6 months into his new relationship, your biggest insecurity was made into a reality.  

He had moved on for good, and even though you have no ill feelings towards him, you can’t help but feel anger over sadness right now.  

It was that easy to replace you. And that easy for him to find someone that could give him what you couldn’t.

Even though your miscarriage wasn’t the direct cause of why he left, the effects of the incidence on your mental health dragged him down with you. So both of you felt it’d be better to part ways for the sake of not wanting to hate or resent each other in the end.  

But God…you hated and resented him now more than ever.  

It didn’t matter to you that both of you started to date new people, because a part of you always held on to the fact that you’d somehow find your way back to each other, though the probability of that ever happening again turned to ash.

Your miscarriage broke you.  

No appetite for weeks, no motivation to get yourself out of bed and no cure for the monsters in your head who told you that Jaehyun was only sticking around out of pity for your broken state.

That same insecurity is what drove him into the arms of the women he told you not to worry about, and now they’re having a fucking child together.  

Knowing that that should’ve been you was a thought that was just too much to bear right now. You suddenly feel sick to your stomach, tears prickling your eyes as you rub the spot on your belly where the mini bump used to be 8 months ago.

You were finally doing better, thriving in your job and social life. Meeting new people and dating a few loose ends here and there, but you can already feel yourself spiraling back into old depressional habits as you stare at the picture once more.  

You pettily decide to like it, hoping it would spark interest from none other than your ex, and much to your surprise, it did.

Not even 20 minutes later your phone started to buzz on the counter as you poured yourself a glass of wine. You mindlessly retrieve it, expecting it to be your best friend but when you see his name as you take a sip you almost choke.

Is he serious?

You try to come up with what to say for the next 3 to 5 minutes but nothing in your head seems to translate your exact feelings to your fingertips.

You sigh in agony while leaning over on your kitchen counter with your phone still in your hands, reading his messages over and over again. You subconsciously start to bite your lip in deep thought, getting startled by your ringtone as your phone starts to ring in your grasp.

“Fuck,” you mumble to yourself, taking a big chug of the alcoholic beverage in front of you, putting on the bravest face and straightest posture to make yourself feel better before accepting the call.  

You knew you didn’t have to answer, but you were dying to hear what he had to say under these circumstances.  

“Y/N? Is that you?” His voice was unchanged. You didn’t know why, but you expected him to sound different, be different. Yet the same worry he’s always had for you was evident in his tone this time as well.

You clear your throat to avoid a voice crack and sigh. “Congratulations,” you tried to sound as genuine as you could, but you knew you sounded like shit.  

You start to play with the ends of your hair out of anxious anticipation, waiting for him to respond on the other end of the line.  

“I meant to tell you,” he starts. “I just…I didn’t know how and Chaeyoung suddenly uploaded the picture and-”

“Jae…please spare me the details,” you interrupt him. Saying his name like you used to felt like speaking a foreign language. He stayed quiet upon hearing your voice again and let out a frustrated sigh.

“Do you still live in the same apartment in Itaewon?” he suddenly asks, immediately alerting you to stand up straight because he could only be asking for one reason and one reason only.

“Y-yes.”

“Good, I’m on my way.”

Just like that, he hung up and just like that your heart rate starts to race uncontrollably.  

You down the remnants of your wine glass and hope he’s isn’t too close because your place looked far from neat. For the next 15 minutes, you run around, shoving things into random cabinets. Whether those items belonged there or not was the least of your concern and just as you fluff the last pillow on your couch, your doorbell rings.

You take a deep breath, calming your nerves as you walk up to your front door, taking it off the lock before you open it with a dramatic swing.

There he was. Jung Jaehyun.

As beautiful and put together as he always looked, no matter the circumstance. You forget how to breathe when you lay eyes on him and gulp. It’s actually him.

His big dark orbs widened as he laid eyes on you after months of not seeing you. His facial expression softened, slowly parting his lips to speak but you beat him to it when you broke out of your trance.  

“What are you doing here?” your shoulders fall as you look into his eyes for answers. The same eyes that once looked at you with so much love and adoration, but right now his pupils were stressfully darting back and forth, trying to read you like he used to be able to but he had no idea what you were feeling right now.

“Because I feel like shit y/n. Please let me in and let me explain,” he pleaded with a defeated tone.

You scoff, rolling your eyes. “What is there to explain? You knocked up your girlfriend and finally got what you wanted. Why bother coming here? To rub it into my face?”  

Your plan of staying calm and collected went completely out the window just now and you could tell by the shock on his face that he did not expect you to be angry with him.

He took a step forward, backing you into your own hallway. His height towered over you when you stepped back and without looking back he closed the door behind him.

“Y/n. I would never purposely do that to you. Ever.” You ignore his statement, narrowing your eyes at him.

“I don’t remember inviting you in Jaehyun. Does she even know you’re here?”

You hold your ground, crossing your arms over your chest as you wait for him to counter your attack, but he simply shook his head. Knowing damn well that you’re acting tough just so you won’t get emotional.  

As he’s scanning the premises, his eyes linger on the red wine bottle on your kitchen counter and with a look of utter disbelief, he averts his attention back on you.

“You’re drinking again?” he asks with an almost condescending tone.  

“Did you come here to practice your parenting skills because no thanks Jae, please leave,” you bite back as coldly as you could, but he wasn’t having it.

“That shit almost killed you and you’re just casually drinking again?” He runs his hand through his locks out of pure frustration, not knowing what to do with the misplaced feeling of still caring for you just the same, while also knowing he has no business to tell you how to live your life.

The truth is, Jaehyun had no idea what he was doing here. Everything about the situation felt wrong and he couldn’t lie to himself any longer. Ever since Chaeyoung told him she was pregnant; he couldn’t be fully happy about it. He couldn’t commit to fatherhood knowing how much it broke your relationship. How much it broke the women he loved most to this day.

“A little red wine didn’t hurt anyone,” you mumble under your breath and that comment alone send Jaehyun’s emotions into overdrive, unable to hide his disappointment and worry for you any longer.

“IT HURT YOU Y/N. DAMN IT!” He raised his voice at you as he roughly grabbed your arm to make you look at him, which is the last thing you expected. He wasn’t mad at you. He was mad at himself. Mad at the fact that he wasn’t there when you needed him most and mad at the fact that this is what your lives had come to.

You might have previously dealt with your pain by drinking, and you might have mindlessly mixed your anti-depressants with your drink once, which…just might have earned you a trip to the hospital, but that was your lowest low and you made sure it’d never happen again.

You beat your demons by yourself when he had already moved on, so he had no place to waltz back into your life when he felt like it, just to judge you.

You’re absolutely fuming by now because of that same reason and much to your dismay you feel new tears well up in your eyes.  

“NO, YOU HURT ME!” you yell back at him as you smack his chest, the salty droplets streaming down your face as you kept hitting his chest to make him feel your pain. “YOU LEFT ME.”

Your knees got weak and you knew you looked absolutely pathetic as you crouched down in front of him. Shock took over his features as he got down on his own knees just as quickly, pulling you into the comfort of his arms. The warmth that you used to call home and the warmth that always seemed to calm you down engulfed you completely, a feeling your favorite fleece blanket from before could hardly imitate.  

He patted your head with assuring strokes, whispering sweet nothings to you as he held you on the floor of your apartment. Letting you sob the pain away in his black shirt. “Shhh, it’s okay…” he kissed the top of your head, caressing your cheek as he wiped away your tears.

You calmed down slowly, ignoring the suffocating ache in your head and heart while he made you feel safe and sound like he always did. You sat there like that for God knows how long, letting your minds go into overdrive as silence comforted the both of you.  

Ironically enough, this scenery was the exact same as the one in the hospital 8 months ago. You cried in his arms just like this when you had lost your child, but now you were crying because you had lost him. For good now.  

“I would never purposely plan to have a baby this quickly y/n, you have to believe me. Chae was on birth control but it just…happened,” he whispers, finally breaking the agonizing silence.

You stay quiet, closing your eyes to the sound of his low voice, letting his words register. “I was going to tell you. I was planning to ask you out for a coffee but as soon as she passed her first trimester, she was just so excited and made the announcement…it was just bad timing.”

“All of this is bad timing,” you mumble, which made him nod in agreement. He sighed into your hair as he continued to explain. “Y/n, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care for you anymore. I wish things were different, but they simply aren’t and I’m sorry.”

You sniff, dabbing your tears and your nose with the sleeves of your blouse before looking up at him through your lashes.

“You don’t have to apologize for moving on and being happy Jaehyun. It’s all I ever wanted for you.” You wipe the single tear that remained on the corner of his eye, not having realized that he shed a few tears himself too.

He leaned into your touch as he looked into your eyes before closing them, leaning his forehead onto yours while taking a deep breath.  

“I just want you to be ok.” He says suppressing a sob. “I can’t live this picture-perfect life knowing that you’re in pain y/n. It makes no sense; you deserve so much more it’s not fair.”  

Your lip starts to quiver as his words hit you, and you build up the courage to look at him again.  

He stared at you longingly and lovingly for the first time since forever and you knew a mistake was about to be made when he inched his face closer to you, but it was too late.

His lips made contact with yours and you completely gave in. Letting him lead you into a slow yet passionate kiss that took both of your breaths away.  Before things could get more heated, you realize what was happening and froze.

You take a hold of his wrists as you pull away, your eyes staring into his equally electrified ones as you recompose yourselves.

“I-I’m sorry,” he started. “I should’ve never confused you like that. Fuck. What the fuck am I doing.” He covers his mouth as he got up. Frustrated with his own behavior, he digs his fingernails into the palms of his hands to suppress the urge to swing at your door or any other object in sight for that matter.

You get up just as quickly as well. Straightening out your clothes before shaking off the nerves of what just happened.  

You take a deep breath followed by a shaky exhale as you opened your front door, turning around on your heels to look at an equally distressed Jaehyun.

He was about to speak; about to confess that he still loved you, but you stopped him by raising your hand, motioning for him to keep whatever he was about to say to himself.

Your eyes find his own and you take one last glance at the man that was supposed to be the pillar to your family. The man you used to call yours, and the man that you had hoped to still have a future with, despite everything.  

But you knew better.

You knew what was right and you knew what you had to do before things would start to spiral out of control again.

You stepped aside so he could pass by you, trying to avoid eye contact all while you could still feel his burning stare lingering on your fragile state.

You swallow harshly, licking your lips before you spoke as clearly and steadily as you could.

“For the sake of your family, please leave Jae…and never come back.”  

[simonsnowichooseyou]

This excellent essay was posted by @goodbyedandelion and reposted on Instagram—however their account sadly seems gone now. But it is in rememberence of their Tumblr spirit that I post a continuation to their essay!

EVEN MORE Reasons Why Carry On is so groundbreaking as a YA Fantasy/Romance

Misconceptions/Character Complexity

A large topic in YA Contemporary is gossip, but I feel like fantasy doesn’t touch on this as much. Think of how others perceive one another in Carry On. Early on we learn that Simon, for example, saw Penny as different because of her race. But of course, we quickly know this isn’t true.

But what about Agatha? In Harry Potter, for example, Lavender Brown and other feminine characters are often looked down upon because of their femininity. We often as a culture perceive beauty as overcompensation for what’s inside. Sometimes Agatha is looked at in the same light in Carry On, but when we see things from her POV, we realize that Agatha is perhaps the smartest one there. Maybe she’s not Penny Bunce-smart, but she has the survival instincts that Penny lacks.

Agatha isn’t the only one. Baz looks cold and unfeeling from others’ POVs, but we quickly learn that he is a boy with a soft heart that’s been hardened by his past. Everyone thinks he cares about nothing but we know he cares about his mother and how she’d feel about him; his father and step-mother and siblings; Simon, of course; Bunce, in his own way; he even cares about flowered suits and dramatic entrances! We think Bunce is nerdy and perhaps annoying, but we learn she’s very sweet and like a mother to Simon. And the mage. Ugh, the mage. We think he cares about Simon but we learn that for every bit he cares about Simon, he cares about the war more.

Rowell doesn’t allow any character to be simple, stereotypical, or as they appear. My sister, for example, was saying that Baz sounded like a stereotypical gay man in the media. But he’s not, is he? He might love fashion but Rowell does not make him simple or stereotypical. Everyone is so complex, and she uses the multi-POV to not just show us their complexity but also the complexity of how they are viewed by others.

Woman on Woman Drama/Anger

For years and years, only one woman was allowed to have a true seat at the table in films. Take Indiana Jones, the original Avengers, and Star Wars for example. This woman was often made to be the sex appeal or romantic interest, but I’ll save that for another day. Because of there only being one spot, it set a precedent that women in media needed to fight with each other to take that spot, thus depriving us of women getting along!

At first, I was worried Rowell had fallen into this trap. Bunce thinks Agatha is simple and too feminine, Agatha thinks Bunce is a major pain in the ass. Their dislike for one another is complicated in that they’re essentially two different types of feminism battling it out, and half of their fight was about Simon and their roles in his life.

But in the end, Penny and Agatha create a relationship that exists outside of their relationship with Simon. Penny sees Agatha’s strength and resilience; Agatha recognizes Penny’s harsh exterior for what is is. When Agatha moves away, they text without his even knowing. Penny is the one that decides they need to check on and save her. In the end, penny and Agatha fight alongside one another.

Rowell didn’t just give us a feminine friendship—she showed us what we’ve been doing, and how to get from Point A to point B. I think it’s the most underrated part of the series.

True Friendship

It might sound bad, but I truly believe a lot of today’s media ruins the idea of friendship. I just feel like none of the portrayals are realistic. Friends are either joined at the hip and have never fought (toxic) or never get along (also toxic). The fact that Baz and Penny and Simon and Penny and Agatha and Penny can get into fights but still continue to love one another platonically is really heartwarming to me.

Trauma/Mental Illness

I remember getting to the end of Harry Potter and thinking “he went through all of that and we’re just supposed to leave him now?” We see some remnants in the most cursed play ever: The Cursed Child. But more than trauma we see someone who looks back on the days they risked their life everyday with *longing.* While that’s about the most Harry Potter thing Harry Potter has ever done (and the most canonical part of that play) it’s so unrealistic. You’re telling me Harry grew up with nothing and was an amazing father—minus a few spats with his son. You’re telling me Harry was able to hold it together emotionally after fighting for his life from ages 11-18 without a therapists help? You’re telling me Harry lost two father figures in the ministry of magic AND spent 7 years going through what amounted to a lesson titled “the government is corrupt” just to be a part of that government!?

Wayward son isn’t like that. Wayward Son shows us what happened to Simon afterwards, and it’s not peaches and cream. He had therapy, he quit therapy. A lot of us have been Simon on that couch, and we all needed the Baz in our life to drag us across a metaphorical America. Wayward Son is hands-down my favorite book. Realistic depictions of mental illness, check. Subverting our expectations of after the end, check. Reading it feels like taking a road trip, check.

As OP mentioned, Simon is a beloved chosen one because he’s just so wrong for the role. He’s not levelheaded where he should be, he’s bold in all the wrong places, he couldn’t possibly maintain a professional relationship with the coven. Meanwhile his super-hot enemy Baz was the absolute perfect choice to be chosen, but he was completely passed over. And part of this chalks up to how Simon became so powerful—fate isn’t twisting its whims this way and that. Simon is only chosen because he was a Petri dish experiment-gone-wrong baby. When Simon asks the fates why, really he should be asking the mage. There’s something delightful about the fact that Simon was made. The chosen one was made, and in the same process, so was the greatest threat.

De-escalation

I think it’s clear by now that Carry On is a great book, Simon Snow is an amazing series, and Rainbow Rowell sure can write. But I feel the need to point out that the end of Carry On wasn’t well-received by everyone. I recommend the series to everyone I know and some people are really disappointed you don’t get a big magical battle at the end. Some people think Simon filling in the humdrum was a cop out. But I disagree. I felt it was thrilling to witness a book where war was as stupid in fantasy land as it can be in real life. This is the first fantasy I’ve ever read where they find a better way to handle conflict than senseless fighting. It’s emotionally rewarding, to me, to see de-escalation. To see conflicts fixed before they start to be huge problems. It was a risky choice for an end, you have to admit. But Rowell pulls it off amazingly.

Nothing is Wrapped in a Bow

A day will never go by without me thinking about the fact that Simon Snow Salisbury doesn’t know who his parents are. Or how Baz will never know what exactly happened with his mother—whether she really ended herself to avoid vampirism and whether she would’ve done it to her too. We’ll never even quite understand the mage’s plan behind fix the humdrum and get an all powerful boy wizard on his side. Rowell doesn’t wrap everything up. She gives you closure as often as she gives you something to ponder. The ending of Harry Potter was so controversial, I think, because it spelled out so clearly much of what was happening. And what you didn’t learn in that epilogue, Rowling released later through Pottermore and interviews. That’s fine and dandy—but there’s something to be said for ending Simon Snow’s books with questions. Not infuriating questions but rather things that I’ll always ponder—that will shed new light on different situations depending on how I look at them. Rowell sets a precedent that you can fill in Simon’s world with your imagination while also reminding us that life doesn’t have endings. Not really, the way books to. Rowell is one of the few writers of today’s fantasy, I’d argue, who’s okay letting things go unanswered. There’s always a thread of fantasy and magic going. It’s something that will keep Simon alive in my heart for many, many years to come.

So yeah, that’s what I think about when I think about Simon Snow. It’s not nearly as coherent as the original post but I hope you enjoy it.

[gaiuswrites]

Thread the Needle | Yoga!Din

Pairing: Modern!Din x Yoga Instructor!Reader

Rating: Explicit (minors, goodbye)

Word count: 3.5k~

Warnings/tags: Yoga!Din (yes, he gets his own warning), hurt/comfort, language, smut, good ol' fashioned cunnilingus, piv

Notes: ✨ HI FRIENDS ✨ Yoga!Din rides again. This idea has been stewing (pun intended, you'll get it later) in my dumb brain for a while now and I've finally decided to write it. Technically, this takes place a little farther into the future (perhaps when the pair is more of an item, and less of a fuckbuddy fling, but thorough plot? We don’t know her). Anyways, enjoy! Cheers x

He doesn’t mean to be dramatic, but it’s the most agonizing sixty minutes of his goddamn life.

He’s seated on his mat, legs folded into a fucking pretzel—lotus pose, a calm voice inside his head corrects—and he’s steaming.

She isn’t here.

He is—Din, for all his faults, showed the fuck up to class but she didn’t, and in her place there’s some smelly old bat, this woman’s wrinkly ass – sits bones – plunked down at the front of the studio— occupying her spot, where she should be.

His eyes stalk the movements of this other woman as she putters around the studio—the godawful stench of something earthy wafting behind her— and it looks wrong. It feels wrong; like a violation somehow—of the space.

Of their space.

“The light in me recognizes the light in you,” they all utter in unison like a fucking hippie cult, and he books it out of there, swiping his mat up with an aggressive slap and rolling it under his arm.

“Hey,” he calls out, pacing towards the front desk. The receptionist— Riley? Kylie? Din can never remember—glances up from her phone, bright eyed.

Poor thing.

“Who the fuck is that?” He jabs his thumb over his shoulder towards the studio, the gaggle of ladies trickling out of it already gossiping and clucking away. Din doesn’t mean to sound accusatory; he doesn’t mean to be this intense. It’s not this girl’s fault, he knows that— but she’s in proximity and she’s shit out of luck.

“M’sorry?” she sputters, blinking up at him.

Breathe, that same voice coos—he can feel the tickle of it behind his ear.

“Our usual Wednesday instructor,” Din begins again, clipped. “Where is she?”

“Oh," she shrugs, "she called in sick.”

With a furrowed brow he pitches forward, craning over the desk. “Is she okay?”

The girl— Miley? —all but flinches back from him, a quizzical expression wormed onto her. “Uhm, yeah she has the flu—nasty one, too, but she’ll probably be back by ne-"

Din doesn’t linger long enough for her to finish. He’s wheeled around, striding from the building, the tinny chime of the bell ringing out as the door creaks closed behind him. The women exchange waggling glances in his wake, tittering in mouthwatering delight—more juicy fodder for their post-yoga soiree.

///

He doesn’t remember driving there. He made a quick stop to the grocery store— their grocery store, now— to pick up what he needed and before he knows it, he’s at her front door, bringing his fist down upon it in hard raps.

He hears movement—can sense it there, can practically imagine it: her lithe body tip toeing over— no, she’s got the flu, maybe it’s more of a shuffle—and peeking through the peephole. There’s a weighty pause and then—

The slow, dubious clicks of unbolting locks, the turning of a handle, the yawn of the wood as it opens.

Her voice is made small with disbelief and exhaustion. “Din?”

“Can I come in?”

She cracks the door ajar, standing in the frame of it now, a thick blue comforter slung over an arm, and she can’t quite mask the stupefied look etched onto her face.

He’s never done this. She’s never done this. He’s been to her place twice—three times, if he counts them fucking in the car in her driveway—and he’s certainly never showed up unannounced.

“Uhm, I-”

“Great.”

Din pushes past her, plastic bag swinging heavy at his side.

“W-What?”

She’s left gaping, mouth and eyes opened incredulously, ogling the way he struts through her entryway, before finally having the wherewithal to close the door. “Hey, what are you-”

“You need to keep your fluids up,” he says roughly—as if it’s obvious—making a beeline towards the kitchen.

She follows after him, bunching the throw snuggly around her shoulders. “Din,” she utters feebly, “I really don’t think you should be here right now.”

He doesn’t respond.

“Please, I don’t wanna get you sick."

He thunks the bag onto the granite countertop, producing two cans.

She doesn’t know why she bothers, it’s not like he’s listening to her anyways. If she’s learned anything about Din Djarin, it’s that he’s nothing if not stubborn—impossibly immovable. He’s tossed his jacket off, slinging it over the island, a determined glint in his eye as he prowls around the kitchen, opening cupboards at random.

“Seriously, I don’t want you catching this. I feel like shit… Oh my god, I look like shit,” she groans in realization, burying her head in the blanket, hermitting herself away.

“You look fine,” he replies gruffly, delving through the drawers in search of a can opener.

Frumpy sweats and a baggy t-shirt with some faded logo on it that’s absolutely hanging off her. Hair tossed up and sloppy, coiled into a loose bun, errant pieces rebelling every which way. A little pale, maybe. Tired eyes. Messy.

Beautiful, he meant. She looks fucking irritatingly beautiful.

Din continues to rifle through her cabinets and he exhales in frustration, “Jesus, where do you keep your pans?”

“Bottom right,” she points begrudgingly.

He grunts, finding one big enough and sets it down on the stove.

She can’t stop fussing over him; making comments here and there, asking if he wants anything, needs anything—water, kombucha, tea, a beer, a snack—if she can help in any way possible—and it nearly sends him over the damn edge.

“Would you quit it and just let me take care of you?” he grits out, and her mouth clamps shut with a pop.

She’s quiet after that, picking anxiously at a thread poking out from the blanket she wears like a shawl—observing as he empties the cans into a large pot, lights the gas stove, and brings it to a boil. She gives him space, stationing herself by the kitchen table, leaning a hip into one of the four chairs there.

Honestly she does try to keep to herself; she tries to accept what Din is doing for her, but she can’t help it. As soon as she sees him ladling the soup into one of her favorite cups—it looks so tiny in his grasp��� and bringing it over to her like a goddamn patron saint, she breaks.

“You really didn’t have to do all this.”

“Yeah well, you need to get healthy so you can take your class back from that fucking fossil.”

“Din,” she admonishes.

“Baby,” he gives her a pointed look and she gnaws at the inside of her cheek, a blush blotting her clavicle. “She fucking smells. Now sit your pretty little ass down-”

“But-”

He presses a hand to her shoulder, forcing her to sink into the chair with a soft oomf, and places the bowl in front of her. “Don’t fight me on this. Drink the fucking soup.”

She huffs, glancing down, and then back up to Din.

“Progresso?”

He grunts.

She blows at the steam rising from the hot liquid. “Chicken noodle?”

Din crosses his arms over his chest and plops back onto the island.

“Classic,” she praises, mumbling into it.

She loathes to admit it, but the first sip tastes like heaven. It soothes her raw vocal chords, worn hoarse from nights of coughing, and seeps deep to warm her cold bones.

Din remains mute through the whole affair, staring owlishly as she spoons it down, slurp for slurp, until he’s satisfied she’s finished. When she does, she arches an eye brow at him— mouth pressing into a thin line. Happy now?

He tips his head and pads over to her.

“Wait, no you don’t have to-" He swipes it from the table, the spoon clanking against the ceramic rim. Din moves to the sink and she groans.

“Just leave it,” she whines, but he ignores her—stubborn stubborn stubborn— he’s already got soap on the sponge and the water running. Again, she huffs and rises to her feet, hem of the blanket trailing behind her.

“Thank you,” she gives in a hushed tone.

It’s so strange— being taken care of in her own place. She doesn’t know what to do, where to go. It’s ill-fitting, foreign, and she can only hover there, buzzing like a pesky insect beside him.

He’s wiping the dish off with a towel when he chances a peek back at her, practically stuttering when he does.

She’s swaddled in that fucking quilt, awkward and impossibly sincere and precious just standing there—watching him play house in her home. A brush of color has sprung up on her cheeks—more light in her eyes, too—and Din, try as he might, can’t pry himself off her.

She’s sick—she’s sick and gorgeous and he wants her. He wants her to feel better, he wants to fuck her, he wants to hold her. He’s overcome with it.

He swallows.

Fuck.

He abandons the bowl and rag in the drying rack and turns to her, her eyes widening, glassy and bloodshot, as he tucks a stray hair behind her ear— knuckles trailing down her jaw.

“Din…”

Her tongue skips over her lip—mocking him—damp and full and begging to be taken by his own, and her breath catches as he drags a thumb across that plump flesh, enrapt with the way her mouth parts so effortlessly for him—so fucking supple. Din’s gut twists and his blood thickens in his veins—the air between them rippling with something velvet and carnal.

He takes a step towards her. Her throat bobs.

“You’re gonna get sick,” she pouts in protest, rutting her palm into his chest, but there’s no fight in it. The blanket slips from her shoulders, hitting the ground with a dulled splat.

“Din,” she tries again, “I don’t want you to-"

He leans in, cradling her cheek, murmurs fanning over her face. “I’ll risk it.”

And he dissolves the gap, sealing her mouth with his in a tender kiss. It’s almost chaste at first, how they rove tentative and unhurried over each other—an innocent exploration— all until his tongue darts out to touch along her lip and she whimpers into him, letting Din dip into the dark cavern of her mouth. She tastes warm, like comfort and broth and rainy days, and he sighs as she brings her hands up to weave into his hair.

Neither of them fight for dominance like this—their tangle of soft sounds is perfectly balanced— Hatha; effort and ease, breath and body. He pushes, she relents—she surges forward, Din bends. They dance like this, slow as tar, until she catches his bottom lip between her teeth and tugs.

It’s like a switch has been flipped.

He seethes, inhaling sharply as his hands slide possessive and greedy down her body, grabbing fistfuls of her waist hidden under all the oversized layers, and crushing her into him. She’s making these airy noises, panting and urgent and fuck if it doesn’t tear him apart—viscerally, from the inside out.

Din walks her backwards, step for choreographed step, foxtrotting until she bumps into the kitchen table. He breaks away from the kiss to reach past her, frantically pushing away the unopened mail and receipts and loose change, the jingling of her keys cutting through the wanton quiet as they clang onto the tile, and he hitches her up to sit there with one fell swoop.

“I wanna make you feel good,” he husks, inbetween the bites he’s searing onto her neck. “Please, just lie back for me sweet girl.”

“Din, I-“

He silences her with a nibble to her ear, coaxing a breathy yelp out of her. “Lie back, baby.”

It doesn’t take much convincing after that. She acquiesces, Din’s wide palm splayed on her breasts, guiding her to recline back onto the table. He makes speedy work of her sweatpants, yanking them down her legs and flinging them off to land in a crumpled heap.

He sinks to his knees, pulling the cradle of her hips to the edge of the table before parting her thighs. The gloss of her cunt, wet and glistening for him, makes his hardening cock jump up to his stomach, and she twitches as soon as the cool air brushes against her.

“Fuck me,” he groans, whispering into her heat like he’s pained, like the sight alone is torturing him—like it’s slowly but surely ending his fucking life.

Din breathes her in with a sigh, that summer fruit tang— the scent of her aching and pulsing for him— and he starts tracing up and down her inner thigh with his tongue and teeth, nibbling along the path there until he’s at her apex. He’s dimpling her pliant skin with his calloused fingertips, strong hands wrapped under her knees, keeping them splayed as he kisses along her outer lips, nipping at her hip bones, teasing everywhere but where she needs him most.

It’s devastating—debilitating—and she’s shaking now. Every muscle, every fiber of her, convulsing with anticipation—with the promise of being dissected, of being torn apart and stitched back together again. She’s already got a hand covering her mouth, muffling the sobs he’s drawing out as he toys with her— playing her like a fucking fiddle.

Din’s eyes flit up to find her like this, brow pinched tight and cries stifled, and he chuckles— he fucking laughs— heady and ambered into her legs.

“You doin’ alright up there, teach?”

“F-Fuck you,” she hisses out with a weak whine.

God, she’s fucking perfect.

“You need something, sweetheart?” He smirks— she can feel the shape of it against her thigh, the way his stubble grates along her skin— and she can only mewl, speechless. Pathetic.

“Yeah, I know what you need...” Din hums, before finally - finally - taking mercy on her.

With one single drag, he tongues a broad stripe up her slit.

The noise that rips through her sounds like she’s being strangled— it gets caught in her throat like a trapped animal in hot car— a desperate little thing clawing to get out. Her nails scrape against the wood, leaving nicks in the chestnut lacquer. Immediately, she cants up to him, searching for his mouth hungrily and Din all but obliges as he clasps onto her hips, keeping her still while he fucks into her.

He’s carving her out— hollowing her; burying himself in her folds, nosing against her mound. He laps her up in kitten licks, delving the muscle of his tongue in and out of her, leaving her weak and gasping. Din laves up and down and side to side in clever little swivels, before he reaches her clit and sucks.

Her fist shoots from her mouth to grip his wavy locks, grinding shamelessly against his face.

“O-Oh my god, Din - fuck - Din. Oh fuck oh fuck-"

He loves it when she gets like this; that serene and tranquil exterior— the one that can quell a studio full of strangers into a haze with only the sound of her voice, that voice he can’t get out of his fucking head, the one that got them into this mess in the first place— shattered, mutilated beyond recognition and all she has left is her need— her wild, unbridled need.

Her need for his tongue, for his fingers, for his dick. Din Din Din, she only wants him— only needs him.

He slips a finger into her, easing past his knuckle in one movement, and her chin tips back, crown of her head digging into the table, hair mussing against the wood grain.

Her nipples have pebbled through her shirt, her pretty feet arched and contorted, and she’s heaving - writhing - like this above him.

He adds another digit, pumping in and out, the squelch of her pussy sounding lewd and obscene and fucking divine as he grazes her clit with his teeth, pulling at it.

“Fuck-” she rasps, legs quivering on their own accord— instinct and reflex demanding she tremble— and Din moans into her sex, feeling her walls constrict around his fingers, and he curls them up as he thrusts, hitting against that spongy patch insider her that makes her vision go white.

“Din, I- I’m—"

She can’t manage the rest. Instead of words, she cries— high pitched and wounded, as if she’s barely making it out alive. Her legs clamp around his head, bracing him there, and she cums— she loses it for him— her slick coating his nose, his lips, the hair speckled around his chin. She soaks him, and it leaves Din rocking his hips and humping the fucking air— as randy as a teenager, ravenous for anything, even if it’s just the friction of his pants drawn tight around his erection.

He takes her through her orgasm, lapping at her softly until she’s warbling—a slew of nonsense babbling out of her— and he leans back on his heels to admire his work, eyes singeing into her cunt made puffy and swollen pink, fluttering at the loss of him.

He plants one final kiss to the cleft of her pussy before shifting his weight back up to his feet, slotting himself between her.

Fuck, he isn’t as young as he once was— he feels his age in the ache of his knees. All the yoga in the world can’t erase his scar tissue, can’t undo time.

But he thinks maybe—if he’ll let himself—that she makes him feel younger. Lighter.

He squeezes her calf and begins to move away when she whimpers, bolting upright to palm greedily at the bulge pressing painfully against its constraint, her fingers fidgeting with his zipper and Din— in an uncharacteristic show of strength and self restraint— gingerly clasps onto her wrists, holding her still.

“Hey,” he murmurs, and her eyes snap up to meet his. “This isn’t about me.”

“No, but-”

“You don’t- we don’t have to-"

“Din,” she pants, grabbing onto the waist of his jeans and pressing her center into him, smearing herself along the denim there, her pearled clit catching on the rough fabric. Her eyes have gone jet-black with desire, obsidian lust burning through them. “Din, fuck me. Please fuck me, plea-“

Shit.

He’s never moved so fast in his goddamn life, unbuttoning his jeans in a flash, untucking himself— throbbing, leaking already—from his briefs. He gives himself two rough jerks, his blunt tip prodding at her entrance, before pushing into her with a gasp.

Fuck, she’s warm— not just warm, she’s hot. She’s molten, and she’s milking him for all he’s worth, gripping around him, fucking strangling his cock with how wet she is—how tight. God, she’s a fucking dream—a nightmare too, undoubtedly.

“Fuck baby - shit - you’re—hnng-” He groans—can’t even form a real sentence—all of his blood has rushed out of his brain and straight to the juncture where their bodies meet.

His eyes flutter deliriously at the feeling of her stretching around him like this and for a passing, fleeting moment, he considers the fact that he should be gentle with her— that she’s not feeling well, that she’s probably sore with body chills and God knows what else and that she should rest—

But once her knees are split apart and legs spread long— so fucking flexible, fuck she’s killing him— his well-met concern all but abandons him.

He fucks her hard— so hard she falls back, that unforgiving surface bruising into her spine. He probably hurts her a little—just how he likes, just how she loves.

Din plows into her, digging into the meat of her thighs, slamming into the pussy that takes him so fucking well, the pussy that feels like it’s made for him— like she’s made for him— and the table shudders with each roll of his hips, scraping it inch by inch along the tile, knocking against the chairs with loud, clattering bangs.

“W-Wait— wait wait wait-“ she pants, hands scampering up to his arms.

He slows his thrusts until he’s stilled inside of her, worry creasing around his eyes. “W-What? Are you okay—what’s wrong?”

“T-The table," she whines, “it’s from fucking IKEA. I built this piece of shit myself— there’s no way it’s gonna stay standing with you fucking me into it like this.”

Din barks out a laugh, throaty and genuine, and for the second time today, he comes to the conclusion that she’s perfect.

“Bedroom?” she nods down the hall.

“Bedroom,” he growls before scooping her up, lifting her off the table, her legs scrambling to hook around his waist, forearms bracing around the broad plain of his shoulders.

“Din!” she squeals in surprise, “I can walk, you know.”

“Shut up,” he grumbles, giving her a bounce and a light slap to her ass. “You’re sick.”

///

“Onions,” he mutters, leaden eyelids nestled shut.

He didn’t mean to stay over this long—well past sunset, later than he’s ever allowed himself—but how could he be expected to leave? After she came on his cock - twice - and he had filled her up until his cum was gushing from her, extricating himself out of this exact position of woven, spent limbs and sweat stained sheets sounded criminal.

“What?” She cranes groggily up at him.

“The sub. She smelled like onions. And patchouli.”

“Hey,” she tuts in mock offense, “Brenda is nice.”

“Good for Brenda. Doesn’t make her smell any better.”

“God, you are so rude,” she laughs, shaking her head as she nuzzles into Din’s side, lips curving into a sleepy grin against his chest—right above the aching thump of his caged heart.

Taglist (I apologize if I missed anyone!):

@radiowallet @pedros-mustache @djarinsbeskar @chasingdreamers @greatcircle79 @iamskyereads @imnotinlove-thisisnotyoursong @fan-of-encouragement @read-and-rec @helmet-comes-off @keeper0fthestars @hellabaybee @ourmotherofyearning @krissology