#IT'S MY FIRST TIME HAVING A FAV CHARACTER THAT I CAN BOTH RELATE TO AND THAT'S. LIKE. ACTUALLY DEEP AND INTERESTINGLY WRITTEN LMFAO💀

[soranker]

Favorite Trigun character?

teehee..... can u guess 🤪🙈

[saintslewis]

𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 — 𝐋𝐇𝟒𝟒

— pairing: lewis hamilton x fem!oc

— trope: fake/arranged marriage

— summary: the Browns and the Hamiltons have been neighbours for many years, Nadia and their oldest son, Lewis, not being as close as the families had hoped they would be. Years later, everyone drifts apart into different neighbourhoods, some others becoming one of the best drivers to ever grace the sport of Formula One however being a man of his stature, fame came along with it and so did the scandals.

can a fake marriage to a complete stranger help keep his image alive? let’s find out!

✧༚ ˎˊ˗ ———————— let’s meet the lovely couple!

👩🏽‍🏫 —— nadia brown!

“the coolest teacher ever”

⸰ֺ⭑ - a south african native who moved to stevenage with her mom when she was 8 and gosh, her character development is one for the books. from being the shy one for all of her school years, university changed everything and made her the social butterfly that you will all grow to love soon. fav colour is pink. fav artist is beyoncé. she teaches history and knows jack shit about f1 except that the cool guy that her parents support used to be their neighbour. absolutely loves the moon and is a part time stylist. will fight for you even she met you a second ago.

🏎️ —— lewis hamilton!

“the goat.”

⸰ֺ⭑ - a literal superstar. the stevenage driver who i would describe as the coolest person ever and many would agree. an adrenaline junky with a heart of gold and filled with positivity (and sass but you didn’t hear it from me). thee fashionista and he knows he’s fine, he just does. father to roscoe. fav colour is purple. loves discussing space and its beauty. did i mention he’s the coolest guy ever? super supportive of everyone around him and he’s knighted. ladies and gents, mr mercedes!

✧༚ ˎˊ˗ info abt renaissance!

˖ ࣪⭑ - warnings: cussing, outfit descriptions, a bit of angst, mentions of alcohol, a talk of ad21, south african slang, slight hints of smut (18+ MDNI), not much of a slow burn lol, lots and lots of brand names, slight themes of sugar daddy! lewis at some point lol (think of it as him spoiling her!)

˖ ࣪⭑ - inspo: this idea just spawned into my head as well as a few of my wip’s mushed together to make this masterpiece. i absolutely love beyonce so using RENAISSANCE for a project so special to me just make wanna do a couple cartwheels. i hope you guys enjoy this as much as i did making this!

˖ ࣪⭑ - saint’s team radio: omg hi everybody 🤭. first oc on tumblr woohoo! not a lot of the song lyrics will relate to the plot of the chapter but more so the beat of the song or the vibe? hope that makes sense lol. i hope you guys like the humour i’m gonna add in here. there isn’t a schedule for this yet but hopefully i’ll be more organised in the future. let’s get this party started!

˖ ࣪⭑ - taglist: @thisismeracing @goldsainz @folkloresthings @flowerchild-96 @userlando (i read your blogs as if it’s my morning paper so i hope you like this 😭) @non-stop-imagines @royallyprincesslilly . let me know if you wanna be tagged in this or future fics!

˖ ࣪⭑ - dividers by @cafekitsune 🫶🏽

˖ ࣪⭑ - pictures from pinterest and twitter

˖ ࣪⭑ - nadia faceclaim: @/unclewaffles_ on ig!

𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 !

1. I’M THAT GIRL

- the first meeting.

2. COZY

- imagine having dinner with your family then they announce that you’re getting married? you better get cozy for this one!

3. ALIEN SUPERSTAR

- first “date”. gotta show the world the newest married couple!

4. CUFF IT

- didn’t Lewis say he was a professional dancer? well now he is 🕺🏽

5. ENERGY

- first day in the paddock, let’s gaurrr

6. BREAK MY SOUL

- ooohhhhh, the school’s calling for a meeting with Nadia 😟

7. CHURCH GIRL

- party time activated ‼️

8. PLASTIC OFF THE SOFA

- a rainy afternoon in the kitchen with the both of them dancing? literally screaming!

9. VIRGO’S GROOVE

- catching feelings there?

10. MOVE

- a visit to Nadia’s work place isn’t so bad, right? …right?

11. HEATED

- time to let the world know who exactly Nadia is and why to not mess with her or her husband. period.

12. THIQUE

- party time pt 2?

13. ALL UP IN YOUR MIND

- paris fashion week? uh yes!

14. AMERICA HAS A PROBLEM

- quick lil trip to new york or la or san francisco? who knows? 🤭

15. PURE/HONEY

- three words. eight letters.

16. SUMMER RENAISSANCE

- the Hamiltons hit the Hamptons!

status: ongoing

saintslewis 🫶🏽

[infamous-if]

Hi Amy! I just wanted to pop by to tell you just how much I love your IF.

Like, I've always had a soft-spot for band/music-related content (e.g. Choice of the rock star was actually one of the first games I ever bought/played in this genre, despite all its flaws) and THEN you come in (like a wrecking ball) with the most stunning, well-written, richly-layered, beautifully-crafted band-IF of all time!!!

I never stood a chance, really. Also can I just say that the way you set up MC and Seven Lawless's backstory and the tension between them now—I loved every minute of it. [I really liked how you revealed it piece by piece (and it still has more to give)—real masterclass writing right there, god.] And, the conflict/reason for their break-up is heartbreaking and so real and understandable.

And ALL of the characters are so loveable and multi-dimensional and just fun to be around. The story/world too is so immersive. I could gush about how much I love the IF for hours and hours but yeah, suffice to say I absolutely can't wait for Chapter 2.

All the best with your writing, and take care of yourself! <3

ALLIE <333 thank you so much! It means a lot coming from you especially since both CT:OS and Merry Crisis are my favs! (Qiu is one of my top fav ROs across the board 🥲)

The way you’ve written the dynamics and the web of relationships with all your characters is not only so well done but so fun to read and it really immerses you. Your writing is so good and I love all your characters and I’m always checking out your posts and updates because I am ITCHING for more 😢 so happy to see you getting so much love, you deserve it!!!

Can’t wait for more and whenever you have other stories or literally anything you write I will gladly consume it all *grabby hands*

[bsd-bibliophile]

Survey Dates: 11/15/2023 - 12/15/2023

Number of Participants: 326

Tumblr will not allow me to post pictures of all the survey results, so only part of them are included in this post. You can download and view the complete results here or view them in the BSD-Bibliophile Online Library.

Thank you to everyone who participated! If you are interested in viewing the results from past surveys, here are the results from 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, and 2022.

View the complete survey results here or on the BSD-Bibliophile Online Library.

Comments:

(⁠ ⁠╹⁠▽⁠╹⁠ ⁠)

(⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)

:)

:3

All my favs are the ones who aren't from Japan💀

As a huge bsd fan, I admire how commited you are to the blog. Have a good day, as well as a happy new year!!!!! I´ve been filling out your annual surveys since 2020, and I´m glad that you still carry them every year. Thanks!!

BSD Bibliophile is generally such a cool and useful resource, I’ve used it both for fun as well as for school work (I didn’t have my physical copy of Akutagawa’s works with me and needed to cite “Spinning Gears”/“Cogwheels”). Thank y’all for everything you do!

BSD-Bibliophile, the website and the Tumblr posts have been invaluable to me in my literary journey. I thank you so much for your service to the community, I can't express how happy I am that the lesser known or completely unknown authors are getting more western attention. Thank you so much!!

comments on my answers: I used to own more books but when I emigrated I could bring only one. The book I brought here from Russia is Dazai’s stories collection. Since many of the books are available in Japanese for free, I also read them on aozora app.

Finding Japanese literature from these authors is actually pretty difficult in Scotland. Also, Dazai and Nakahara are such fangirl answers, but I actually adore both of their works

First of all, sorry for my horrendous English 💀 I love this page so much! I was absolutely lost as to where to read the translations of the LN, wan! And others, it had been so helpful for me when it comes to my time enjoying BSD. Also, I enjoyed a lot that one section of like fun facts of the real authors and I was so happy when I found the bunch of English translation of the real authors, it really made my day.Now when I want to read a book of the real authors, or read something BSD related I know where ti search for first! I absolutely adored all the work you put into this (or the team (?) I don't know how mane people is running the page:(), thank you for all of it, keep going! 💗

for the images included on posts; the only thing i don't like about them is that they're a bit too tall (making the post look too long as well). i think images would still be nice if they were longer width than height! also, thank you for all of the work you do running bsd bibliophile! you've put together such an amazing and invaluable resource for bsd fans and non-fans alike.

Great work!

Have a nice day!!

Hello! - princy :3

Honestly, I would read stuff by the authors but I just don't have that kind of money

hope you are having a great day!

I absolutely love BSD it made me get into japness literature, as well did Bungo To Alchemist. ALSO BSD LIGHT NOVEL ON TOP!!

I appreciate the work you do! It has really expanded my taste in literature, and for that I am very grateful <3

I appreciate your work🥰😘❤

I believe that having more of a separation from the BSD characters and the real life authors in the bibliophile’s posts would be highly appreciated from a lot of other people; and not just myself

I bought Summer of the Ubume by Kyougoku Natsuhiko when it still was in print in English. I took it with me when rereading and lost my copy. I’m kicking myself years later for not buying a used copy for $50. Earlier this year I was able to borrow a copy from a library and took a picture of every page so I can keep it with me that way. I was delighted to find a scan PDF of the novel when your tumblr linked stories to read for Halloween. Thank you for sharing and thank you whomever made that scan. The BSD Gaiden novel is my favorite thing from BSD and I’m deeply thankful to the person who shared their amazing fan translation. It’s led me to buying all of the English translations of Ayatsuji’s works, plus the two volumes of the manga. I’m a newer follower of your tumblr, but have enjoyed reading each new quote and seeing ones I’ve recognized. Thank you for your work, it’ll definitely be inspiration when I want to read more Japanese literature.

I enjoy the BSD-Bibliophile page on tumblr! I like reading parts (?) of the authors' works and i've become more interested in their works. Thanks for all that you do!! :D

I have the page bookmarked in my browser so that I can check it out from time to time. Also I love Chuuya

I honestly love this website like literally. This bibliophile has helped me Soo much like finding the authors I want to read and learning more about the authors featured. Honestly, words can't describe how grateful I am that this site being created to help accessing literature more easier

I just want you to know that i adore all the effort that goes into this page and that its (In my opinion) a staple of the fandom

I look forward to the survey every year to see how far I’ve come in interacting with Japanese literature. Thanks for running the blog and library, it’s an amazing resource. Best, Comical tuber

I love BSD bibliophile so damn much, whatever BSD related author work and BSD manga (both wan and anthologies) weren't possible for me to find this easily. This website is the work of art. My favourite place

I love BSD-Bibliophile Online Library! Thank you for managing it!

I love the 'recently published' section!

I love your blog and what you do for the fandom! It really scratches the itch which is my obsession with BSD and classic/20th C literature <3

I love your site so much, it's made it so easy to get more info about Japanese authors and figure out what else I want to read. Thank you so much!i love your work!!

I personally believe that using advertisement through mangas and animes specially bsd connects me to the world of books one more time Also I’m grateful for free online websites for putting pdfs of books that I can’t easily have access in my country

I really appreciate all the information you have online here. I have learned a lot and I admire you and your passion. This might sound weird but I truly hope I can collect and read Japanese Literature and organise information as you do when I am older.

I really like your blog, keep it up :3

I really want to read Q's Dogra Magra but I think it's only been translated completely in french so far. Thank you so much for your database! It makes it so much easier to access learning.

I think it's so cool that you're doing these surveys! I think this bibliophile project is just awesome in general tho :) (also dang its hard to choose a fave char) lots of <3 <3 <3

I want to read many more books of the real authors so i cannot yet judge who my favorite will be. Dazai's works are the easiest to get access to in my country and I got Chuuya's poems as a gift so I am still hunting for more :)

I want to read some of their books but i'm to scared of telling my mom this fact ┻━┻︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻

I wasn't sure if that question about reading Japanese lit was about reading it in Japanese or not

I will try to get more into this Library ! It's really good and good job for the the tumblr blog, i love it !

I would like if the quotes didn't repeat a lot– Like finding more than 4 posts of the same quote is weird to me at least... instead of doing the same authors in repetition, do more characters that have been published a few times in the blog 🙌🏻

I’m a BSD anime fan who would like to try some of the works by the authors the characters are based on but hasn’t gotten around to figuring out a good entry point for people who don’t usually read literature

I'm new to the fandom, but I'm looking forward to check out any translation that are available (I plan to read at least the work the ability is referring to for a start)

I'm so thankful for your website making Japanese literature available, as I live in a somewhat rural area. Keep up the good work!

I'm very grateful for the resources that had been accumulated by bsd bibliophile, really, I've only been able to nurture my interest in Japanese literature and grow to be passionate about it because I had such easy access to the translated works so thanks a lot for the work you do!

I've just decided to make use of the online library and I'm very excited! I'll check of Oda and Nikolai first because they are most interesting to me :)

i've remembered about the bibliophile purely by chance. in a span of a single night, i've read another media that draws heavy inspiration from japanese literature – ""hashihime of the old book town"". i say ""finished"", yet i'm only done with a single route of this novel. i plan on seeing it through the end. i am enamoured by this script. it's as If i've found true literature again. i truly do not know why im saying this. forgive me If my words are unclear in my ramblings. i am simply here to pick up some kyusaku. maybe then i will be able to fully unravel the fabric of this novel, thread by thread.

I've used this blog to help open myself up to more Japanese literature for years now, ever since I first got into bad, and I can't thank you enough for running this!

Just followed a little while ago so my answers probably aren't that helpful, sorry! I'm looking forward to going through your blog though! Hope you have a nice day/night! :)

Just started following the blog recently tbh, but I’m excited to check out the online library!

Keep up the good work!! :)

Keep up with the good work! I'm always happy to see your content

Love your blog and everything you do!!!

My 1st fav character is Atsushi, but Chuuya's also on top :))

My book count is prolly squewed as I had to go off of memory (since I left many behind in the US at my parents house). I counted Japanese fiction from non BSD authors but not manga and light novels. Also I used to watch & read BSD but no longer do so, but still enjoy Japanese literature.

sorry i took this for fun and wanna read a lot of multiple authors works but uh i havent come around to it yet (also money 😭)

Thank you :)

Thank you <3

Thank you for all the posts you have posted! I can find it hard at times to have the motivation to sit down and READ lol but you inspire me to read more with all the quotes you have shared with us on your blog. <3 Take care!

Thank you for all you do

Thank you for all you do <3

thank you for creating and running this beautiful blog anne♡✨.

Thank you for creating this amazing website ! :D through this website i can learn more about the authors and im happy because of it thank you once again !! <3

thank you for everything you do!

Thank you for letting me know of the library! I've been wanting to read the authors' works but couldn't find them along with money issues

Thank you for providing information that I could not find in anywhere else on the internet in English!

Thank you for the hardwork!! <3

thank you for you blog! literally my go to anytime i need any bsd related! it is literally invaluable and im so so grateful to you!

thank you for your hard work <3 i'm currently studying japanese, because i really want to read japanese literature in its original language and translate it, but until then i will continue relying on english translations - most of which i was only able to find on your site. again, i thank you and the translators from the bottom of my heart for providing us with such amazing resources and translations for free <3

Thank you for your hard work and efforts to share and compile the legally available works of the BSD authors! Your site has allowed me to appreciate BSD as well as Japanese literature itself a lot more.

Thank you for your hard work o7

Thank you for your hard work! Have a nice day:)

Thank you for your hard work! Was it not BSD-Bibliophile I'd be completely lost with researching irl authors and their art of writing. You helped me lots of times.

thank you for your hardwork! i appreciate what you do <3

Thank you for your work and your posts! :D

Thank you for your work at BSD-Bibliophile. For the research that I am conducting and for leisure purposes, the curated library is immensely helpful. I am happy to see that interest has grown in Japanese literature alongside the depth of available resources.

Thank you for your work! It’s always a bright spot in my day to see these quotes :)

Thank you for your work! Your blog has been a great source of information for me for a few years now. Sending love and hugs 🌸

Thank you for your work!!

Thank you so much for all you've done for the community!!!

Thank you!

Thanks :D

Thanks for all the work you do

Thanks for all your work! It's because of you guys that I've been able to read as much as I have (and will continue to do)!!!

Thanks for this resource, it's helpful as a Universal Literature student

the online library has really helped in finding japanese literature

The online library helped me so much in getting to know more about japanese literature thanks a lot for you ♥️

The website has been of great help to find my way around the literature! Truly a godsend! Keep up the great work

The world of literature is a big one & some of it aren't really that accessible. It's great that there are more people translating these previously untranslated works so we can see just how unique each author's style is

There were questions asking for "favorite Japanese BSD author", but those questions were very misleading. First of all, the characters in BSD aren't authors; they don't do or haven't done writing for living or anything along the lines. Secondly, said questions made it sound more like you were asking for whether I like Asagiri, Harukawa, Kanai, Hoshikawa or some other creators who are credited as authors of BSD. They are BSD authors, not the characters like you made it sound like in your questions. If you are asking about real-life authors who happen to have characters based on them in BSD, leave out BSD from the questions, or specify them with something like "Which Japanese author do you like the most, who has a character based on them in BSD?". Last I would like to suggest adding option to the question regarding BSD media, where people who are ex-BSD fans could specify that they've been previously fans, but don't consume or follow the series anymore. The option could be literally just "Previously have been BSD fan, but don't consume any of the official content anymore". I'm pretty sure there are plenty of people like me who have enjoyed BSD in the past, but now just enjoy Japanese literature alone or through some other medias that have nothing to do with BSD. Thanks for the annual survey as always. It's been interesting to see how much the fandom reads and who are the authors who people read in the first place. I wish more people would pay attention to some less popular authors, as there are plenty of hidden gems and your favorite author doesn't have to be the same as your favorite BSD character.

there's a redditor in r/templeofes who's working on translating dogra magra and they're working very hard :D

This blog is a national treasure, thank you all <3

This initiative is so beautiful, thank you for all the hard work.

This website is amazing!!!!!! It’s hard to find Japanese classics in America but this list has them all ❤️

Tumblr doesn't show me many of your posts, so I will try to interact more to see them ^.^

Very cool survey! Thanks

Well have have read many of Fyodor dostoevsky books but not any Japanese novels or poems

When I first got into bsd your online library was an invaluable resource and the only reason I have read works by bsd Japanese authors. I use it less now because my hyperfixation has waned but I still really appreciate all that you do and the resources made available to fans. Thank you!

will check the BDS-Bibliophile website <3 hope u have a nice day

yooo!! thanks for this super awesome survey!! happy easter <33 -a migrating tumblrer

You’re one of the best resources I have for BSD and JP literature. I’m eternally grateful for all the work you do

[detectivebambam]

For the choosing violence thing.

I curious about your thoughts on 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24, and 25

(Your thoughts make my day tbh)

lol i gotchu pinky

the character everyone gets wrong: Dan. she's not a badass. i mean she is, but she's not. she's a scared little girl who had to raise herself and has no idea what she's doing at any given time and i love her for it

why andrew would never top or bottom: actually he does both, and tends to enjoy it. kind of an agressive top but Neil likes it, and sometimes likes to follow orders when he bottoms 🫣 i think they do anything and everything with each other. Neil could be dominant or submissive at any given time, which gives Andrew space to learn about what he actually enjoys. He finds that as long as it involves Neil, he doesn't mind

worst tumblr take I've seen: that Andrew was a misogynist because he doesn't like being manipulated, and "manipulation is a woman's weapon" like how is THAT not misogynistic be so real

why did you block that annoying person?: kept saying that Kevin abused Riko as much as Riko abused Kevin. don't know how far they had to reach into the depths of their asshole to find that one, i just hope they didn't get stuck

i don't have discord

which ship fans are the most annoying: y'all are going to absolutely murder me for this but kevaaron. 1) where did it come from? 2) what's wrong with Katie?? 3) no hate ship what u want but also, i can ship what i want? and it's fine it's literally fine

what character did you start to hate because of fanon: i hate to say it but Thea. i adored her when I read the books originally, but after 4 years of exclusively fanon content i didn't like her. but i did a reread recently and adore her again so it's all good

common fandom opinion everyone is wrong about: Andrew being a sex god. Neil is his first consensual sexual partner. like yeah he knows how to suck dick like a dying man, which he learned in juvie (when he was 13-16?) but in terms of sex? he doesn't know what he's doing and he's probably really scared and nervous

worst part of canon: kevin and thea turning their daughter into a mini Raven 😔

worst part of fanon: Renee erasure 😔😔

fandom related words you've filtered: as of currently? anything tsc related because I don't have access to it yet and people aren't tagging properly. but I also have Rinee (rixo x renee) blocked because,,, what do you actually mean

unpopular character you like and why people should like them: Aaron. yeah he's an asshole and a little homophobic but he was raised that way and he's getting better

worst blorboification: if this means what i think it means, fucking riko. like wdym "he serves cunt" he needs to serve time

answered prev

answered prev

you can't understand why this is popular: kevaaron, any riko ship, riko himself, ichirou x neil, andreil breaking up in fics ?

there should be more of this: fic: oral fixation. sexual or non sexual idc but let's Freud these bitches. fanart: ANDREW WITH LONG HAIR PLS PLS PLS

it's criminal that y'all have been sleeping on: STUART HATFORD. LITERALLY NEXT TO WYMACK ON THE FATHER FIGURE SCALE. I LOVE HIM

you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like: i don't feel guilt I'm Presbyterian

part of canon you found boring: anytime they were in class like wdym

part of canon you think is overhyped: this one is going to get me in trouble so i wanna start off by saying that yes, Riko was a victim of abuse. I'm not disputing that at all. but the part where he got beat by Tetsuji and "was more blood and bruise than skin", while being horrible, was also because of Kevin leaving due to Riko breaking his hand. Tetsuji lost one of his biggest investments because of Riko's petty ego

fav part of canon that everyone ignores: Stuart Hatford man

ship you've unwillingly come around to: Kandreil lol. i didn't like it at first but idk the more fanfic i see I'm like yeah that could be cute

topic that brings up the most rancid discourse: picture this, if you will: Nora Sakavic says something about her own damn characters. yeah that's all

common fandom complaint you're sick of hearing: "it's poorly written" it's not. if you can get over the first chapter of The Raven King, the rest is actually written very well and it's so so beautiful and depicts traumatized characters in a way I haven't seen before that is very refreshing

ty for the ask pinky ily

[open-hearth-rpg]

Don't Roll: Great RPG Mechanics #RPGMechanics Week Ten (finale)

(author circa 1990 pictured with tie)

This is maybe more a technique than a mechanic, but it represented a significant change in approach and play for me over the years. This has two components– the first is “don’t roll if it isn’t important.” I know this sounds simple, but it wasn’t always the approach in systems and play. 

Like many others, I started with D&D, but very quickly I moved into other games. A large swath of games added on to D&D/AD&D’s approach by including skill systems. They usually had the same emphasis on combat, but included mechanics for handling other kinds of tasks with a discrete roll rather than a saving throw or attribute test. So we had the chain which came out of Traveller and Basic Roleplaying which spawned my early favs like Fringeworthy, Top Secret, Champions, Rolemaster, and GURPS. 

You needed a skill to try something, with the unskilled being given arbitrary big failures by the GM when they made their attempt. Players had invested in their skill choices, spending precious points and advances, so they needed to roll those checks regardless of circumstance. So you got rolls for the dumbest, small things– with the action grinding to a halt for plot crucial roles or moving to escalating violence for other things (like a failed social roll). 

Basically if there was a task and the game had a skill related to that task, you always rolled for it. Some games, like GURPS, recognized a sliding scale of circumstance with a host of modifier tables which could be applied to tests. Usually those got forgotten in play. While we had some handwaving, we rolled a lot of tests. I saw this in my local play groups and at gaming conventions large and small. 

I don’t know which game explicitly said don’t make a test unless it matters, but it shifted our play. It moved skill tests from being gotcha moments and “roll til you die” sequences. We were young and stupid– raised by a generation of punishing GMs who delighted in catching players out when they hadn’t selected the right skill during character creation. 

F*ck the good old days of roleplaying. I wouldn’t go back to the play culture of the 80s or 90s for anything. 

In any case, over time the game advice not to roll for every damn thing took hold. Low difficulty tasks could be assumed to have been handled successfully; more room emerged for play. Of course everyone still rolled perception checks, which remained the last refuge of gotcha gamemasters. 

Which brings us to a refinement: “don’t roll if failure isn’t interesting.” At first this sounds like pretty much the same thing, but there’s an important distinction. Instead of judging whether it affects the plot or moves the story, we’re looking more seriously at the context of the action. What does a failure here look like? What would make that moment have weight and stakes? We begin to consider what kinds of pressures can be there: use of resources, race against time, alerting the opposition, starting a countdown. 

So when a GM calls for a roll, they’re implicitly saying that failure will have some consequences– things will happen. It’s pushing them to make clear to the player that there’s a potential cost. Both the GM and the player have to think about the circumstances now. Which means generally that we’re more likely to cut to the action and have dice rolling moments outside of combat actually add to the game. 

It’s a short step from that concept to Fail Forward, to Success at a Cost, and to player-driven or collaborative choices for costs. It changes the nature of the game– and I think it changes the relationship between the GM and player. That relationship might still be adversarial, but the GM has to back that up by making gotcha moments worthwhile. 

I’m not sure when and how this new play praxis developed– it probably isn’t the result of a single game. I know over time I handwaved more and more– and eventually felt justified in that when I saw it explicitly mentioned in the game rules. There’s been an invisible evolution of play culture over the decades and that’s been generally for the greater good. 

Here’s the thing: I know how stupid this sounds. I know how obvious this appears these days. I thought back to consider if this was just something in my game group at the time. But it was across the dozen different groups I played with and there at every game con I went to (Gen Con, Origins, Michicon, Griffcon, etc.). I can recall sessions where the pressure of rolls added to the tension and drama, but I remember more sessions where the constant rolling wore things down. 

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

oh man ok i need to gush about moonlight chicken for a second lol

i adored how this show didnt shy away from the messiness of real life and relationships! like u hav a single gay working class man desperately trying to make ends meet and struggling with the guilt of his past lover having died tragically whilst bringing up his nephew who wants to be taken seriously and finally fly the nest to live his own life whilst at the same time navigating his crush on a lonely deaf boy who just wants to be understood and respected. and then you have a man stuck in relationship limbo where he's unable to let go of his past love but also yearning to move on and free them both from the pain they cause each other... and that's not even to mention the side characters who deal with the loss of parents, unfaithful partners, unplanned pregnancies, trying to be a better mother to your son, etc...

no one was a villain, instead you had a group of people who needed to grow and learn in a very natural way, and that's just so refreshing to see! honestly one of my fav parts of the story is that rather than inventing some arbitrary dramatic reason for wen and alan to break up, it just happened because their love had fizzled out, a thing that happens all the time in real relationships! and even though their love had died, it was still obvious that they cared deeply for one another which made both of them trying to move on so much more painful...

so much of this show was about the cycles of emotional abuse that can develop when you're stuck in the past... jim is unable to see a happy future for himself because he blames himself for beam's death, and he let's that anger and resentment inform how he treats li ming. wen is ignoring the messiness of his relationship with alan in favour of pursuing jim, but knows deep down that neither will be able to truly move on unless he deals with the situation. even heart's parents are stuck unable to relate to or be willing to understand their deaf son as they continue to isolate him from the outside world, thinking that it will protect him but all it does is make him even more lonely!

idk i just loved how the show focused so much on living in the moment. that the past is fixed and the future is uncertain, but there will always be now where you can always find some glimmer of joy and optimism.

and then there's ofc the queer element of the show where we get to see how internalised and external homophobia exist as perimeters to queer people being able to truly be themselves. one of the most heart wrenching scenes is at beam's funeral where his parents come up to jim and effectively tell him that because he and beam weren't married, he has no legal rights to any of the things they had worked so hard for together! and this is something you hear time and time again, both historically and now, where queer couples in countries that dont recognise gay marriage or even civil partnerships are denied so much (particularly when one of them dies) because their relationship is deemed illegitimate by law.

jim as a character has internalised this so much that when he finds out his nephew is gay, he lashes out (in one of the funniest scenes ever, mind you lol... literally the whole 'why are you gay, isn't being poor enough of a challenge!?' thing is gonna stick in my mind forever i love it sm lol) because he knows first hand how hard it is to be a queer man in a society that still doesnt fully accept you! (and it rly showed the disparity between him, a working class man, and wen, someone from a middle class/wealthy background when it comes to queerness that i don't think gets discussed as much... cos the fact of the matter is that for a long time queerness /was/ effectively reserved for wealthy people, as working class people wouldnt have had as much of a choice in how they could live their lives, so jim's reticence when it comes to accepting li ming's (and his own) queerness is directly tied to how being poor doesnt always allow you the luxury of simply 'being yourself'...)

and i think it was especially interesting that this show didnt present homophobia in individualistic terms. we don't get a character calling them slurs or saying that they're wrong for being gay, instead we get systemic and societal prejudices showing up in insidious ways, which feels so much more realistic! (like even jam, who is presented as having outdated and homophobic opinions, isnt presented as some evil villain. she's just a product of a homophobic society that teaches people being gay is a sad way of living, and she has to unlearn that as both her brother and son prove her wrong!)

i honestly could (and probably will) go on but yeh... this show man... this show

[bobwess]

AMA (Down to Agincourt addition) I am once again bored, so here are some more (aka many) questions. As that anon from last year who asked for the elevator pitch, I am so glad I did and gave DtA another shot!!! When did you first start reading it?

When did you first realize how hooked you where with DtA? Was it from moment one? Was there a spesific scene?

Fav of the original side characters?

Fav the original main characters?

Coolest concept that DtA introduced into the SPN world?

If there could be a in-depth prequel written for any of the characters, who's past would you be the most interested in exploring?

If you had to, what would you ranking be of the books?

How many times have you read it all the way through?

What bit of foreshadowing (if any) did you miss the first time around that really jumped out at you on a reread?

Did reading DtA help inspire your own The End fic?

What of the many burning questions currently unanswered do you want answered first?

What's the most interesting non-SPN related fact that DtA taught you?

If normal SPN team free will read/watch/found out about the DtA what do you think their reactions would be?

What's a scene/interaction that still scratches the brain itch?

Have you read The Forever King spin-off series? If so, what are your thoughts?

Yes!! Muahahahaha. Changing the order a bit.

Coolest concept that DtA introduced into the SPN world?

The Winchester House, everything about it, and its entire relationship to Nate. 

The complex rules and magical constraints/potential of metaphysical contamination.

Honorable mention: Lucifer’s plans with the Gods.

But also actually: The Winchester House.

What bit of foreshadowing (if any) did you miss the first time around that really jumped out at you on a reread?

(spoilers) 

The set up for the church paradox. 

Cas, post fall, fever dream, almost dying locked in that cabin bedroom, the unnamed goddess calling him in spirit yet somehow physically into that Church.

Dean, post infection, fever dream, almost dying locked in that cabin bedroom, Cas accidentally calling him in spirit yet somehow physically into that Church. 

All of time and space converging. Dean is the impossible, he was never supposed to be in this universe, Cas accidentally binding them together with those sigils, allowing Cas to connect with Dean in the first place, and also making Dean invisible to Lucifer while he’s physically in that cabin, which he technically is, thus allowing him to shield Lia and thus her able to get him into that church where he and Cas manage to do something and erase the kids' (and both of their) minds. 

There is so much meat there, and every time you re-read there is more. There is so much cool foreshadowing with ALL the players involved, and I literally put together another thread in that during EVERY read-through. 

Someone once asked me my thoughts on what we know happened in the church and it got to 19 pages in google before I had to cut it off pending another re-read of book 4. 

Fav of the original side characters?

I can not separate Nate and the Winchester House, so--

Fav the original main characters?

Vera by a slim margin over Joe.

When did you first start reading it?

It’s hard to remember just because the last three years are a fuzzy mess, but I’m pretty sure I started reading it late 2021/early 2022. I am a fast reader so I demolished it VERY fast. 

When did you first realize how hooked you where with DtA? Was it from moment one? Was there a specific scene? 

After Cas and Dean started properly working together in book 1 I was pretty on board, but once they told Chuck and started their trips into Kansas City, that was when it really settled in and I knew I was about to read the entire thing.

If there could be a in-depth prequel written for any of the characters, who's past would you be the most interested in exploring?

Joe or Teresa. Honestly though I’d really like to see the case Dean worked down by the border. 

If you had to, what would you ranking be of the books?

This is a slim AF margin too, because they’re all so good. But I think it’d be 3,1,4,2 So “A Thousand Lights in Space” “Map of the World” “Game of God” “It’s the Stars That Lie” But it's real neck and neck for the last three.

How many times have you read it all the way through?

Books one and two I have read cover to cover 6 or 7 times, three I probably read a couple more. Book four I’ve actually only read completely cover to cover once, but I have read a lot of it out of order a couple more times. I’m trying to get my fics to a bit more of a stable point so I can re-read it again in case I go off the rails hyper-fixation on it again. I’ll probably read it twice in a row when I read it this next time.

Did reading DtA help inspire your own The End fic?

No, it hindered it greatly. The world building in DtA is very contrary to the plot I have for my endverse fic, and it took a while for my brain to reset and be like “Nope, this is what I’m doing, put that out of your mind.” If I hadn’t read DtA, you’d already have my Endverse fic, because I started writing it before reading that, and had to stop work for straight up like a year. 

What of the many burning questions currently unanswered do you want answered first?

WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENED INSIDE THE DAMN CHURCH!?!?!?

What's the most interesting non-SPN related fact that DtA taught you?

Graphene and everything about it.

If normal SPN team free will read/watch/found out about the DtA what do you think their reactions would be?

I think none of them would have any idea what to do with it. Cas would therefore not have much outward expression, Sam would be incredibly awkward and only a little insulted he isn’t in it, and Dean would be 10/10 defensive AF. 

What's a scene/interaction that still scratches the brain itch?

The Winchester Hou- Cas accidentally calling Dean when he’s using Allison as a conduit for the kids in Ichabod, and subsequently their interactions after Cas figures out what happened. 

Close seconds are Cas and Dean’s interaction after Dean gets bit in the courtyard, Cas searching Kansas City with his mind after Dean touched The Ick™. 

And yes actually the retelling of Nate’s interactions with The Winchester House.

Have you read The Forever King spin-off series? If so, what are your thoughts?

I have not read it yet, I must at some point. I know I’ll like it.

-

Also I'm glad my pitch worked and you ended up giving it another go!!

[xitsensunmoon]

I am glad to know I'm not the only one who prefers Moon more as well

And if I can be completely honest, I don't like how Moon is constantly characterized in both the game and books. I can't stand how Moon is just written as 'he's just Sun's creepy and evil alterego' and that's it, I don't understand why they gave him no other character or personality beyond that. When they didn't do that with everyone else, Sun was only on screen for fifteen minutes, and you get a complete understanding of his character, personality, and story. But Moon gets nothing like that what-so ever and it hurts to see.

Because I have to ask, is Moon really evil? The games and books tell you he is, but we don't get to see how Moon feels about it or if he believes he is evil. Nor do we get a motive behind it other than he was 'programed that way' or 'it's the virus making him act that way' and no one seems to agree on which one is more likely. But I can't blame them since we have nothing to go on because the writers couldn't be bothered to give us any insight into Moon as a character.

And I was not happy with the daycare section in Ruin, It felt rushed and wasn't scary as the base game. But my biggest problem with the section was how we deal with Moon. The fact that we had to hurt Moon with the lights and hearing him crying out in pain made me extremely uncomfortable. And he clearly didn't want to merge Sun but we just ignore him and reboot him anyway.

Sorry for spilling this out on you, I'm just happy to meet someone who loves Moon as much as I do

I do agree with a lot of this, and yeah Moon is my fav, probably mostly because I can relate to him better.

That's a long post so I cut it

FNAF explanations for different things sometimes are very silly and don't make sense, but I don't agree that he's portraited evil in games, as in DLC we get very small amount of information that before virus he was okay?

Books and games are different universes as well, if I'm not mistaken and are not canon to each other.

The fact that we don't get to see his view on all of the situation is sad, yeah, but gotta be real, dca in general doesn't get enough screen time. Sun and Moon and Eclipse have a giant potential as characters but just never get that used, unfortunately. As FNAF is Freddy's game. Not dca's.

Ruin was harsh. It was supposed to be uncomfortable, as our favourite characters are hurt, crashed and forgotten. Everyone suffers there and DLC was much scarier (to me) just because of that fact, of how we literally hear our character cry and scream and save themselves.

My thoughts on ruin Moon are biased, as he's my fav but I do believe that he wanted to get back the control that he lost in the main game, as Sun was forced to lock him away. "Keep the lights on", and Moon was just going insane being locked away for so long.

That's why we see him not as angry in the main game, because Gregory turned the lights off, and Moon doesn't have any reason to be angry at him for that. All his actions after that, trying to catch Gregory, calling him a rulebreaker, as I think go from virus.

Meanwhile in the ruin Cassie tries to do the opposite, to turn the light back on, to try and lock him up again. Sun is crying about being trapped in an endless nap, but we just keep forgetting that Sun did the same to Moon in the main game. Moon just unlike Sun didn't have an opportunity to cry about it.

I also think that the more time passes the more broken they get. Light hurts Moon because he can't switch to Sun, as it would normally happen, because of the ar. That's why it hurts so bad. That's why they need a reboot. Sun was just the first one to realize it, while Moon is being consumed by anger, virus, and trying to regain the control that he lacked for years and years. He doesn't want a reboot, but he indeed needs it.

I don't think that he's evil. I think he's hurt. He's just another victim of the situation, unfortunately often misinterpreted as a villain. Unfortunately being the "angry" and "dangerous" and "scary" one, while he just wants the same things as Sun does. He doesn't want pain(so he tries to stop us from turning the lights on), he doesn't want being caged. He chooses the simplest for that moment solution, it doesn't hurt them to be in the dark, so he tries to keep the dark.

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

saw this on twitter and as someone who loves 1. talking about my opinions and 2. talking about this show, i am of course going to take this excuse to talk abt my opinions of this show. im gonna throw all of it into reblogs of this post tho so im not clogging up the tag fdjkhfsjk

anyway days 1-7 (bc im late to the party) under the cut:

Day 1: when did you discover ofmd?

probably same as most ppl on here, ofmd was suddenly all over my dashboard at some point around mid to late march 2022. one post i saw was a link to a google drive with the episodes and i ended up watching the entire series like, the next day.

Day 2: first impression of ofmd

ok tbh my first impression based on the very first gifsets i was seeing was "this show looks kinda stupid idk if i can take these costumes seriously." then during the first few minutes of s1 i was like "oh yeah this is definitely a taika project, this feels so much like wwdits." both of these impressions no longer hold true lol the costumes are SO fun and past the bit in the pilot of stede narrating to lucius the wwdits vibes are no longer present.

Day 3: first ofmd pic in gallery

first ofmd pic in my phone is the uncropped version of this fanart:

ed just hanging out with my doggy

Day 4: reasons why you like ofmd

i tend to enjoy lighthearted comedy tv and also shows with shorter episodes. this is why most of the media i've consumed for years is just cartoons hjfkhkghfskj BUT outside of those basic preferences the HEART the characters the writing the comedy the romance the soundtrack the set design the props the storylines the cast the crew. there's almost no part of this show that im not in love with.

Day 5: fav main character(s)

Day 6: fav supporting character(s)

an incomplete collection in no particular order:

this show has so many blorbos

Day 7: songs that remind you of your fav characters

uhhh mostly just the soundtrack songs (high on a rocky ledge, the chain, perfect day, avalanche, miles from nowhere, the beautiful ones by prince) bc im bad at listening to music. one time i was listening to hurt by johnny cash and i started crying abt ed. jinx by green day is kinda stedecore. there's a handful of todrick hall songs that my mutuals have related to ofmd characters and that's given me brainrot.

[icejinlov3r]

ART CONTEST!!! - Frieza and Frost’s Fashion Show!!

So, I’m very much burnt out from writing (at least from my big stories, I’ll probably still drop occasional oneshots) and am taking a small hiatus. But turns hiatus can be a bit boring. So how am I gonna change that?

By hosting a random art contest for fun!!

I thought this might be a fun little thing to drop. No idea how many participants they’ll actually be, but we’ll see 😁😁.

So, here’s how it’ll work. The theme will be my two fav bois, Frieza and Frost. Specifically, with the two of them wearing cute outfits that you guys come up with! There will be a time limit of one week (meaning March 26th, 2024 is the due date). And when that day comes, I’ll share everyone’s drawings in giant post - make it a little “fashion show” for everyone to see! And then the next day, I’ll set up votes so YOU guys can vote on the winner!

I’m gonna have votes set up for different categories too, such as “cutest outfits” or “most unique outfits” that people can also vote on. But the main winner at the end will get to request a drawing from me - on any character, fandom, or ship they want!

There are gonna be a few rules, but really it’s more like a guideline on the contest:

You don’t have to draw ship art of Frieza and Frost together - just a simple piece with these two wearing an outfit of your choice will suffice, or even two separate pics of each individual character will work (that said, ship art is welcome too).

They don’t have to wear matching outfits, have them wear whatever you come up with.

You are not limited just because both characters are male - you can dress them up in either male or female outfits, but they both only require ONE outfit each.

If you want to dress them up in outfits from a crossover show (for example, dress Frieza up as Alastor from Hazbin Hotel, etc) you can absolutely do that.

You can have Frieza and Frost be in any form you want - obviously most people recognize their final forms, but I’d be delighted to see them in their first forms, or Frieza in Golden Form.

Art can be digital or on paper, you’re free to choose.

You don’t have to follow me to participate - everyone is welcome!

Okay, now for the ACTUAL rules: please keep your outfits and drawings PG-13. I don’t know how many minors actually follow me, or look at my content, but I wanna make this available to everyone.

Leave some sort of signature on your art. I know most artists do anyway, but I don’t want anyone’s art to get stolen.

No AI art. I shouldn’t have to explain why.

And finally, please show good sportsmanship. No matter what category someone wins, or who wins the contest at the end, the point of this is just to have fun and show the creativity of many artists! If I catch word any any artists harassing me or other artists for any reason related to the contest, your art will immediately be disqualified. No if, ands, or buts. Be respectful.

Okay, I think that covers everything, but if I need to, I’ll update this later. Like I said, you have one week to submit your art. You can either DM it to me in my private messaging, or send it in my inbox - just don’t do it anonymously, otherwise giving proper credit to your art will be much more difficult. In any case, good luck, and I can’t wait to see your guy’s art!

@anonymous-harpy @bluberryboom @justme068 @purrfectcellz @gojiberry-bbq @airplaneear2 @amiz06-certified-b1mb0

(These are just great artists I’m tagging to see if they’re interested 😊)

[urmomw4ntsme]

hello i may have asked too many but shh

7. earbuds or headphones?

8. movies or tv shows?

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

21. obsession from childhood?

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? (u ar banana to me. silly vibes)

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

62. seven characters you relate to?

67. good luck charms?

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

72. worst subject?

83. writing or drawing?

86. cookies or cupcakes?

89. who would you put before everyone else?

95. favorite app on your phone?

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

mevwer too many wuestions i love answernnf

7. earbuds - headphoens hurt my outer ear :(

8. movies - love tv shows but theyre js so long it lowkey feels like an obligation to have to finish them once u start it

16. shrimp.

21. probably wanting to learn to play a musicsl instrumenr or drive (gonna learn one of these this sjmmer heheeh)

40. THIS GIRL LITERALLY BROUGHT VODKA IN AN ALUMINIUM KA BOTTLE, DRANK IT DURING RECESS AND WENT TO CLASS WHILE SHE WAS DRUNK FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HER LIFE LIKE WHT DID U EXPECT WUD HAPPEN 😭 (she got suspended)

45. i wud say fantasy bit it cud change too

48. banana is my fav fruit so ur completely right. but additionally for aesthetic puroposes i wil say. strawbeby

60. i havent watched any animes ever but if its a story ur talking about then iwud want it to be about how a hilarious girlboss gets sad drops her crown meets a gorgeous gorgeous girl who picks it up for her and they kiss and fuck

61. YA BORING. do j need to say where from. also theresa bomb at thiswedding UR BUT. IS DA BOMB. also tell the stars i say hello im sorry bye

62. sirius black / james potter / leo valdez / i camt think of anyome else sory

67. its jusg the one phrase 'fuck it we ball' tjrre is nothing else

68. orange juice byt when it tastes like the litera color orange mixed with sugar syrup

72. maths

83. both depending on mood but honestly preferably drawing cus u can draw wtv u want and kt doesnt have tl make sense

86. CUPCAKES 4EVER

89. my best frjends . all of them. and if jt comes to choosing btwn them i wud kill everyone snd then mysef.

95. tumblr / tomb of the mask

97. 4 - my immediate family's (excluding emergency numbers and atuff)

THANK U FOR ASK RSOEI POSIE

[asecretvice]

Hey. I just really want to thank you for “And This, Your Living Kiss”. I’m guessing you may be a bit tired hearing us talk about it, what, 4, 5 years after you published it? I just need to express some gratitude. Your poem “Perfect” was probably the first poem ever to make cry, and I still read it occasionally when I’m down. It’s honestly probably my favorite poem ever. For me it captures this delicate, still very anchored kind of happiness that just hits so deep. Kind of like the opposite of melancholia. I hope you get what I’m saying and that I’m not just talking out of my ass, and if I am, I was hoping you’d share some of your thoughts about this poem?

Also, this story is truly my favorite story ever. Has been for a very long time. A question I have for you is, is there any place where we can read more of your poetry? And if not, I was also wondering if you’d be willing to share with us some of your favorite poets/poems?

Firstly, thank you for your patience; sometimes it takes me a while to get to asks.

But mostly, thank you so much for these kind words. Do not ever doubt yourself when taking the time to extend your positivity to others; I—and I daresay the vast majority of people—do not get tired of receiving these small kindnesses. It’s a reminder that life can be full of connection, a reminder that when I send a little bit of my heart out into our raging, grief-filled world, there are those who accept and understand and, hopefully, keep passing that love forward. And thusly we make the world a better place. So please receive my gratitude for reaching out.

That you love “Perfection” means so much to me. It was the first piece of the fic I wrote, you know, and pretty much became the basis for who Dean is in the fic thereafter. I don’t feel you’re talking out of your ass at all. Dean is such a complex character, and I think that’s why so many of us relate to him; we see our own complexity and contradictions reflected back at us through him. There is of course happiness there among the rest—a boy/man who is at his happiest when with his family (blood or no). Underneath it all is that deep thread of love we (and Cas!) admire and strive toward within ourselves.

Unfortunately I don’t have poetry published anywhere else. Maybe someday.

Several of my fav poets/poems appear in the fic already, though they’re among many others. However because I’ve been thinking about her lately, I hope you’ll indulge me if I talk about Elizabeth Barrett Browning and her masterpiece Sonnets from the Portuguese.

In the modern day EBB’s words most often show up in the guise of “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.” It sounds a bit hokey, doesn’t it? I know I always thought so; especially to my teenage ear it was sickly sweet if not downright simpering. Spoiler: I was wrong. Context changes everything.

Do you believe that some books or stories come into your life at just the right time? Fast forward to when I’m 18 or 19. I’m in a town I’ve never been to before, visiting people I barely know. My host needs to work and offers to drop me off in the town center to explore. I agree because the weather’s fair and I’m desperate for a break from polite company, as it were. Happily it’s a pleasant area, full of green and not far from a large canal. After wandering along its edge for a while I aim back toward the local stores and window-shop up and down the streets. At last I stumble upon a used bookstore right next to a gelateria! Well you couldn’t have put two things together that more matched my taste if you tried. Naturally, I resolve to find a book and then go next door for some gelato and spend my time enjoying them both.

The bookstore is in an older building, for sure, with hardwood floors and the type of wainscoting that make me think it’s from the early 20th century at least. It’s split into multiple rooms and connected by open doorways; I wonder if it used to be a home. Many, though not all of the bookshelves are built into the walls and painted a pleasant white, stuffed to the gills with books in every color. The only other soul in the building is the man behind the front counter, and aside from a swift exchange of polite smiles I am left alone. I start by going to the left and poking around the shop and its little book-filled rooms counterclockwise, determined to choose at least one thing before I leave. What type, what genre? What length, what mood? I don’t know, but am sure I’ll know it when I see it. I’m free to choose whatever I like, you understand, because rarely had an English teacher in my past convinced me I couldn’t teach myself better, and I’d resolved never to take a class in the English department in college if I could help it (and for better or worse, I never did).

I take my time twisting in and out of the treasure-filled corners, no rush and no fuss. Yet no book sings to me. At length I near the back of the shop; on the far side beneath a window is a short, two-shelf bookcase. With waning hope I crouch in front of the shelf and begin reading spines. Aha! It’s filled with poetry. Perhaps there is some hope after all…then there it is: Sonnets from the Portuguese. Definitely faux-fancy binding, but still pretty. It looks like this:

I flip through, and every sonnet is accompanied by a different piece of silhouette art. It’s lovely, and it sings to me. A small pencil mark on the inside indicates it only costs a couple bucks, so I rummage in my wallet, stop by the front desk, and leave the store with the book clutched in my hands. With the rest of my cash I go to the gelateria next door and pick a couple of unusual flavors and again, alone, I choose a rickety metal table outside and sit with nothing but birds and sunshine for company. I skip the introduction and open the book immediately to the first sonnet:

I thought once how Theocritus had sung Of the sweet years, the dear and wished for years, Who each one in a gracious hand appears To bear a gift for mortals, old or young: And, as I mused it in his antique tongue, I saw, in gradual vision through my tears, The sweet, sad years, the melancholy years, Those of my own life, who by turns had flung A shadow across me.  Straightway I was ’ware, So weeping, how a mystic Shape did move Behind me, and drew me backward by the hair, And a voice said in mastery while I strove, . . 'Guess now who holds thee?'—'Death,' I said, But, there, The silver answer rang . . 'Not Death, but Love.'

What do you glean from the poem? It is slow and sad, a bright mythologized ideal set against a woman sunk deep in dark grief, a darkness that swiftly shifts into horror as a Shape appears behind her, physically pulls her from her weeping, and demands a response. She is so sure that her own death has at last come upon her, except what’s appeared…is love? Love, of all things? Love?

This is not at all what I am expecting to read. I fill up with another spoonful of gelato and eagerly turn the page.

And turn, and turn—Reader, I’m hooked. I’m strapped into a rollercoaster and freefalling down the first slope, on a wild ride built by a woman who’s been chronically ill since childhood, who’s lived through the death of her mother and beloved brother, whose father keeps her in his house and firmly under his thumb even long into her thirties, who still manages to write and get published and yet still lives lonely in her dark room…Sonnets from the Portuguese is an epic journey via the most astonishing set of 44 sonnets about how love completely changed her life, sonnets which her husband later touted to be the best in English since Shakespeare (and I agree). If you haven’t read the sonnets I encourage you to do so before reading on, link here, but if you’d rather I walk you through…

Even reading them again now I am in awe. How baldly and boldly she talks about how she and Robert, because of course it’s about her famous courtship with Robert Browning, are not meant to be. Not just her circumstances at home, not just her poor health, not just the fact that she thinks herself so below him and his worth, but also her grief. The darkness that lives in her! So many lines from these poems are woven into the tapestry of my life, like from sonnet V: Behold and see / What a great heap of grief lay hid in me. She warns that it could ruin him. Stand further off then! go! it ends.

And yet the next one (VI) begins: Go from me. Yet I feel that I shall stand / Henceforward in thy shadow. It is too late. She’s already been changed. The world and her perception of it are already shifting. Read how the beginning of VII illustrates this:

The face of all the world is changed, I think, Since first I heard the footsteps of thy soul Move still, oh, still, beside me, as they stole Betwixt me and the dreadful outer brink Of obvious death, where I, who thought to sink, Was caught up into love, and taught the whole Of life in a new rhythm.  The cup of dole God gave for baptism, I am fain to drink, And praise its sweetness, Sweet, with thee anear.

She was sinking into oblivion, death her companion, until he stood between them and she was caught up into love, no longer to go through her days sitting simple and still in her room, content to wallow in the sorrow she’d been given. Yet…that still doesn’t matter, because how can she reciprocate? And, crucially, does it make her a bad person that she can’t?

am I cold, Ungrateful, that for these most manifold High gifts, I render nothing back at all? Not so; not cold,—but very poor instead. (VIII)

Have you ever been there? Found yourself wondering if you’re even capable of love and kindness toward others given all you’ve been through, and how horrible it feels to think that ability’s been stolen from you? Is what little you can eke out even worth anything in comparison? Beloved, I only love thee! let it pass. (IX)

But she continues turning the idea of love over in her mind. Could it be that love is fully worthy, no matter where it comes from? There’s nothing low / In love, she reasons, when love the lowest (X). Still it does not seem that she herself could be worthy—and if this is worthy love, anyway, would she have even known how to do it if she’d not first been shown by him?

And thus, I cannot speak Of love even, as a good thing of my own: Thy soul hath snatched up mine all faint and weak, And placed it by thee on a golden throne,— And that I love (O soul, we must be meek!) Is by thee only, whom I love alone. (XII)

It seems that Robert persists in his own love, because then an earnest plea: that he love her for love’s sake, because people change in time. She herself is changing now because of him! Do not even love her because he loves taking care of and comforting her, because his love could lessen her need for that comfort! (XIV)

Regardless she is not without feeling, as sad and calm as she outwardly seems. She’s just not like him. But…could his love and his will be strong enough to overcome all these obstacles? Why, conquering / May prove as lordly and complete a thing / In lifting upward, as in crushing low! With such success, she says, I at last record, / Here ends my strife. (XVI)

But of course, nothing can be quite so simple. Her first question is how she can be useful to him. This does not feel like a full partnership:

How, Dearest, wilt thou have me for most use? A hope, to sing by gladly? or a fine Sad memory, with thy songs to interfuse? A shade, in which to sing—of palm or pine? A grave, on which to rest from singing?  Choose. (XVII)

That theme of death, too, is still ever-present. Even as the next couple of sonnets talk about how they’ve exchanged locks of hair she speaks of it. In XX a sea-change is further revealed, however, when she compares her life before Robert to the one after knowing him, how link by link, [I] Went counting all my chains but now, in contrast to VII’s cup of dole, she drinks from life’s great cup of wonder! She begs him to keep saying that he loves her (XXI), continuing the theme that his love will teach her, lift her, allay her many fears. But the next again ends with the death-hour rounding it.

Robert’s response? That her death would harm him. She admits to marveling at this revelation. If it is to be believed,

Then my soul, instead Of dreams of death, resumes life’s lower range. Then, love me, Love! look on me—breathe on me! As brighter ladies do not count it strange, For love, to give up acres and degree, I yield the grave for thy sake, and exchange My near sweet view of heaven, for earth with thee! (XXIII)

So first we learn that it is Love, not Death that has grabbed her; then we know that she feels Robert’s soul has slipped between her and the brink of death and thus she begins to question her constant sorrow; she is changing by his love; she will stop worrying about her worthiness and be of use to him and bask in what love he is willing to give her; but only now, finally, does she give up death itself in order to live her life. She is choosing to live!

The next few sonnets double down on this, about how all her hope had become despair, about how for so long she only had visions for company, and didn’t know they were mere shades in comparison to a reality of actually living, how Love, as strong as Death, retrieves as well. Also important? His saving kiss (XXVII).

We’ve come far, but progress isn’t an even trajectory. The rollercoaster dips again: now that she wishes to live, she wishes to live in his presence. She is both touch-starved and starved for company. Because their letters—one of, if not the most famous set of love letters in the English language—are to her all dead paper, mute and white! She speaks of how they fixed a day in spring / To come and touch my hand…a simple thing, / Yet I wept for it! (XXVIII) So we got the first mention in the last sonnet of his kissing her, and now a memory of when he first touched her hand. She goes on to write about how thinking of him is no longer enough; she needs to be near him. She then wonders, when he is gone, if she has embellished his feelings for her. Can you blame her? I certainly can’t. Her dark thoughts are now manifesting in these doubts about her perception, rather than her abilities.

But upon his next visit, she admits, I erred / In that last doubt! (XXXI). His presences reassures that all is real, not dream. And while she has always found it unlikely that their bond could have formed so fast (Quick-loving hearts, I thought, may quickly loathe, XXXII), now that she knows him she knows it was wrong to think that of him. She then brings up her childhood and draws parallels between the bright happy love she felt then with the love she feels now…even though, given the life she’s lived, the love she feels really can’t be the same. Her thoughts are no longer that of a child’s, which can be lightly turned aside, but for him she can and will turn from her dark, lonely thoughts when called.

This all decided, that their love is deep and true and as real as the loves she used to feel, and that she wants to be with him, an important question remains: If I leave all for thee, wilt thou exchange / And be all to me? Simply reading the poems and knowing their time period (Victorian) it could be enough to assume that it’s a regular leaving of your childhood home to create your own. But remember what I said at the beginning? The control her father exerts over her? She knows he would never approve. Hell, it was difficult enough for her siblings to make lives for themselves within his shadow. Going with Robert would mean truly leaving everything. She knows it won’t be easy: For grief indeed is love and grief beside (XXXV).

This great fear invites more doubt. She admits she has grown stronger and more confident, but that doesn’t make her troubles disappear. She knows she does their love a disservice in so doubting and in so fearing, but she can’t help it. But then…she returns to the physical, to his presence. In XXXVIII she speaks of their first three kisses: the first on her hand, the second for her forehead, but half-landed on her hair, and the third upon my lips was folded down / In perfect, purple state; since when, indeed / I have been proud and said, “My love, my own.”

She goes on in the next sonnets to say how grateful she is that he truly sees her and knows her beyond all the layers of sorrow and sickness she labors under. It should also be noted that, uncommonly for their time, he at 33 or so was courting her at 39/40. And so she is grateful, too, that he thinks it soon when others cry “Too late.” (XL). She then thanks all who had ever loved or listened, but again thanks Robert for listening to her even when it was difficult. She doubles down, now, on her decision to live:

I seek no copy now of life’s first half: Leave here the pages with long musing curled, And write me new my future’s epigraph, New angel mine, unhoped for in the world! (XLII)

And then—only now, as the rollercoaster shoots us upward and onward in joy and hope for a good, loving future—does she begin sonnet XLIII with How do I love thee? She asks this, not as some young girl with no life experience about a boy she’s seen across the room (I mean, how else was I supposed to interpret it, given how it’s used in the modern age?). She asks this as a woman full four decades into her life, a life full of chronic illness, an authoritarian home, and familial grief. She asks this after months of courtship during which she fought for every inch of belief, and hope, and joy. Where she at last came to know her own strength of heart and of will. Because she does leave her home, dear Reader. She elopes with Robert Browning, gets married in France, and lives out the rest of her life in Italy, where death finally catches up to her at 55. Keep all this in mind, as you read the sonnet in full:

How do I love thee?  Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of Being and ideal Grace. I love thee to the level of everyday’s Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight. I love thee freely, as men strive for Right; I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise. I love thee with the passion put to use In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints,—I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.

There is one more sonnet, where she brings back flowers, a motif I didn’t spend time on in this post, to talk about how their souls are intertwined down to their roots. I bring it up now not just because flowers end this glorious cycle of forty-four poems, but because I think of her grave.

A year or two after I fell in love with these poems I was lucky enough to be in Italy myself. Some friends and I were walking around Florence and I insisted we had to find the English cemetery. I remember it as being this island of a hill in the middle of some busy streets, all fenced in with a little building at the entrance. When we scurried across the street and inside, there was a nun there who greeted us warmly. I told her I was looking for Elizabeth Barrett Browning and she lit up. She motioned for us to follow as she told me that they do their best to take care of her grave, and have always done so (I don’t know if she means just those who work there or Italians in general, as EBB was loved by Florence in her time). But, she said, they did not look kindly upon Robert, because he spent all this money on a beautiful tomb but he never, ever came to visit. She said this with the authority of someone who had witnessed it herself, though of course that was impossible. This was clearly a story deemed important enough—or perhaps simply so full of strong feeling—to stand the test of time.

The tomb is indeed beautiful. The pictures when I did a quick lookup on the internet do not do it justice; forgive me for not having the energy now to dig up where I’ve saved the old files of the pictures I took myself. At the time it was absolutely surrounded by tall, enormous roses, deep red in color. After I had my fill the nun was kind enough to take us on a tour of the rest of the cemetery, which was lovely. But I’ve never been able to shake the memory of that story, the one where the nuns lived and died resentful of an absent Robert.

It wasn’t until about a year and a half ago, when I read Fiona Sampson’s recent biography Two-Way Mirror: The Life of Elizabeth Barrett Browning that it finally made sense. Robert often avoided grief in this way, it seems, afraid to travel back to England when family members were ailing until it was too late. Whether you agree with his actions or not, his absence we can at least hope is from his great love turned to great grief, rather than a lack of feeling on his part. He himself died in Venice; their only child died in Italy also. Robert is, however, still separated from Elizabeth in death: he is buried in Poet’s Corner, Westminster Abbey, London.

If you’re hoping for a neat bow on the end of this post, there isn’t. I think of her often not just because I love her poetry but, I suppose, because each year is slowly, inexorably bringing me closer to the age she was when she decided she would live her life again, and though I haven’t found a soul-shaking love like she has, I am trying, trying, trying to live, too.

[311ways]

ive seen so many ppl misinterpreting feferi's reason for breaking up with eridan so fuck it we're dissecting this

1. a moirailegence is dependant on both parties being open and honest with eachother

2. eridan was very emotionally closed off, especially pre-sgrub. a lot of ppl forget this bc he has a reputation for being an overemotional mess but it is TRUE and i have PROOF

eridan seens to think that any quadrantmates he has will get bored of him if he isn't high maintenance, so he acts difficult with feferi. this behavior is also present in what we've seen of his kissmessitude with vriska in his constant nagging and conspiring with her

he also is just very uncomfortable with showing honest emotion in general, using emotional theatrics instead to avoid being vulnerable and showing his real feelings (there is something to say abt this behavior's relation to alternian society's "never show weakness, its kill or be killed" type attitute and hemospectrum expectations or wtv but i absolutely do not trust my knowledge on the subject to go in depth on that)

either way, we can see that eridan was very reluctant to talk to feferi about emotional matters, which is kind of the whole point of a moirailegence and feferi was very worn out by at the time of their introduction >>

id also bet that eridan wasn't doing much consoling for feferi either due to that which forces their diamond into a very lopsided position

now with all this in mind, her explanation makes much more sense - she was burnt out from constantly struggling to console him, and getting essentially nothing in return. Their diamond was not benefitting either of them at this point, and feferi was getting tired of trying to hold it together

Moirailegence is a two-way street!!! i see a lot of people get that wrong too thinking the roles of a pale relationship are permanently fixed when theyre really not

another note is that although feferi denounces eridan's attempts at aquiring a doomsday device as a ploy to scheme with vriska, she doubts that enough to actively worry about him actually going through with the plan. which is probably why she became his moirail in the first place and why she waited until the planet was already gone before breaking up with him

eridan however misundestands all this as her being bored of him as a partner, which is why he says this >>

its also worth noting that eridan didnt even want a moirail - he was only feferi's diamond because he was flushed for her and wanted to be her quadrantmate, even if it was the wrong one. he actively disliked her attempts at pale solicitation, thinking of them as coddling and obtrusive

(this is right before the confession im too lazy to sreenshot the full thing)

tl;dr - erifef was never going to work out neither of the even wanted to be pale

also this is not supposed to be like. a "why you shouldn't like eridan" or a dig at eridan likers, he is literally my fav character i just also love feferi and am tired of seeing her misrepresented to paint eridan in a better light!!!

[teruthecreator]

TW FOR RACISM, CHILD IMPREGNATION, EUGENICS, & TRANSPHOBIA

okay @silvercistern! thats okay! if you dont wanna be here for this conversation then i'll have a conversation without you! for all those readers out there who might've missed it

FOR EVERYONE'S INFORMATION:

Side Quest is definitely one of the weirdest fics I have ever seen get popular, for several content-related reasons.

Firstly, the racism. She writes her Serizawa to be half-black, half-Japanese, which is a perfectly valid hc if not for how she handles this fact. Ignoring the moments of subtle racism she gives Reigen (having him comment on the apparent "sloppiness" of his afro--which she also refuses to call an afro, by the way--and also having him guess his race via his racial characteristics), she blatantly and openly makes Toichiro racist towards Serizawa in a way that I feel we cannot ignore. For example:

I shouldn't have to say that calling a black man a "slave" in any context is fucked up, but I will for the sake of this post! Since she already think I'm insane :-) Also:

Once again, shouldn't have to say this but I will: Saying a black man has a "brutal masculine appeal" is so obviously and blatantly racist while also being entirely unnecessary for his character! We understand, as both readers and watchers of the base material, that Toichiro is a bad guy. We do not need him to then become racist, borderline-pedophilic, and a supporter of eugenics! And if you need quotes for some of these points, I will include one that has both:

Even if he is saying that he won't facilitate the "impregnation of a child", why the fuck is he laughing about it? Just a reminder: Toichiro in canon is only a terrorist and a child abuser. Yes, he is a bad person. However, I think elevating his evil to this level removes any concept of character depth that you could possibly have, and makes the ending of this fic (where he is seemingly normal and fine, with both his wife and child in his relative good graces) all the weirder. But again, I'm insane, right? Oh yeah, one more point about Toichiro that I found from the comments:

Now this tells me several things. Firstly, it's that she lacks the oversight to recognize when there is blatant racism in her works of fiction. Which is questionable, but I'm willing to let that slide because people should always be given the opportunity to grow. HOWEVER, the second part of this tells me that the first part might be a lie!!! Because hey!! If you are headcanoning a person's parent as being a WHITE SOUTH AFRICAN WITH EUGENICIST BELIEFS, you are basically saying your character was raised by an APARTHEID APOLOGIST. So I really don't know how you can avoid the racism embedded in that statement.

Now, let's move away from Toichiro because he's not the only character she completely butchers with weird concepts. Shimazaki is a trans chaser in this fic.

That's right. I'm not kidding. He is a chaser.

Once again reminding you that I'm the insane one.

There is literally no reason I can see as to why she would write this, other than that it is supposed to be a joke. Now, as an afab trans butch, there is only so much I can say to this point, but I will still ask: Who is laughing here? Who is this joke funny to? Is it to the trans women, who have to deal with similar kinds of harassment each time they try to go on a date? Or is it the Shimazaki fans, who I guess aren't weirded out by their fav being a chaser? Or is it just you, silvercistern? Is it just funny to you?

That point brings me to one of my last points with context. She seems to enjoy throwing in random "edgy" topics for either shock value or a laugh, neither of which I think her wording lands on. I did collegiate improv comedy for all four years of college (yes that may seem pathetic to you, but it was fun)--if anyone knows how a joke should sound, I think I'm one of the few. And, frankly, none of these land. For instance, the repeated "joke" of calling Reigen a creep or alluding to him being a pedo:

But, again, me? I'm insane, apparently. If you take issue with any of this, like I did, then to her you are insane.

This is not surprising to me, given that she already had a kind of breakdown to my friend regarding when they asked if silvercistern could tag one of her fics with sa.

Here is the link to their post. I ask that you respect their wishes and do not send harassment to silvercistern (as that is my wish as well) and do not be weird to them in their inbox.

But this is why it does not surprise me that she 1. would private her twitter account when faced with even the slightest backlash, 2. would then talk about the situation to her mutuals to garner sympathy, and 3. not even bother to read a single thing I said, given that she replied to my post in less than a minute after I had posted it.

By the way, one of those mutuals? Yeah, they are literally a toichiro/shou shipper. Here's the proof:

Anyway, this is not an excuse to go harass her. I DO NOT CONDONE HARASSMENT OF ANY KIND. ANY OF MY POSTS ABOUT THIS SITUATION WERE MADE TO DIRECTLY ADDRESS HER AND THE ISSUES I HAVE. IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO CHIME IN, DO IT ON YOUR OWN TIME WITH YOUR OWN POST. DO NOT HARASS HER.

So yeah. Guess this would be something an insane person does, right? lol

[ticklishfiend]

3, 4, 6, 7, 23, and 26! 💖

3. What are some of your favorite tickling related stories, art, videos, or other posts on tumblr?

oooo amazing question. okay these are gonna be some recs for fics i’ve been rereading recently. so any fics by @tklpilled are so good and re-readable, i’d rec lose myself in you , and dandelion. anything by @thebest-medicine is gonna have me in a chokehold but these kill me every time lustige-geschichten , relentless , arms up , and this lovely piece of art by @ticklishfanart is sooooo <33

4. What is your favorite tickle story trope?

aaaaah that’s so tough pls. maybe not my favorite but i’m a sucker for the ler discovering the lee is ticklish and tickling for a second just to tease them, before stopping cause they don’t wanna go overboard. then they realize the lee has gone all quiet and blushy, so the ler playfully interrogates them with teases and tickles til they admit they like it dhsjfjd

6. What fictional character(s) would you love to see have a canonical tickle scene?

oh so many. literally. every fav character i’ve ever had. definitely zuko, nothing crazy cause im canon i rlly think he’d Hate That LMAO but like. lil squeeze maybe. make him snicker 😝 and also bakugou, either in the exact same way as zuko, or getting wrecked by his friends or even some weird tickle villain LMAOO my boys deserve to laugh 🙏

7. What fictional character(s) would you love to tickle and / or be tickled by?

blushes. okay i would love to be tickled by korra hdjsjf she’s just so strong and teasy i would die. if i were to be the ler, probably either robin or steve from stranger things LOL they’d be the cutest lees (would not hate revenge tickles from both either……)

23. What’s your favorite way to tickle someone and / or to be tickled?

ooooo okay so when i’m tickling, i love being like. methodical with it. when i tickled my friend/partner for the first time, i laid them across my lap and slowly but surely found all their tickle spots before wrecking their worst spots at the end lol. when i’m being tickled, i either want Exactly what i do when i ler, or i wanna be pinned bc im a very big squirmer fhskjfd

26. What is your favorite thing about tickling?

oh goshh that’s so hard. so when it’s me getting tickled, i love being made to laugh like that, it genuinely feels so good getting to let go and just feel. i love the power dynamic, i love how it’s a little embarrassing and makes me get flustered cause hardly anything else in the world can make me flustered like that. it’s dynamic in a way that can be both fun and playful with no ulterior intentions other than having fun, while also able to be sensual and intimate in the right contexts. i could talk abt my love of tickling for pages and pages so ill just stop there LOL