#ITS JUST SO REAL ESP WHEN YOU FUCKED UP AND YOU JUST KNOW YOUR PARENT GONNA FIND OUT LMAO

[todayisafridaynight]

Underrated Sibling Moment is actually mitsu being like ‘i dont want to go back to the captain alone are you insane’ after ichi fumbles the loan collection and ichi has to ditch him for a few hours and mitsu can only kill time and Not think of The Inevitable until they can go back to sawashiro together as if that’ll save them from The Inevitable like if you get it You Get How Real That Was

[brujahinaskirt]

30 kcd2 trailer reveal little things / reactions:

Loving the increased Istvan / Henry parallelism

Loving the return of the red PTSD nightmares and so pleased WH isn't watering the game down, keeping up the trauma narrative realism, etc. I expected no less but still delighted by it. I love games that allow characters (esp male characters) to feel things, genuinely, and writing that treats the emotional invitation of its own storytelling with respect.

Good lord, the symbolism returns--as it must in a proper medieval game--but I shan't look too deep yet.

SKALITZ FLASHBACKS. HENRY'S PARENTS' WEDDING PREQUEL CONTENT? W H A T. I never thought we would get to go back; I am so thrilled to learn more about that time. I would have gladly gobbled up a Martin prequel. TELL ME HER FUCKING NAME, WARHORSE, YOU BASTARDS.

where is radzig

Mystery possible new love interest option? Or did Lady Stephanie visit the face sculptor?

And Theresa... where?

Mother of god, the forests and animals look incredible. I'm going insane. Let me pet things please.

How many times can Hans eat royal shit and live in one livestream? Let's find out. One, two, three...

The crime and punishment mechanics are definitely more complex at a glance. This is a good thing but I wonder how much was cutscene flavor and how much will really have an affect on the gameplay/reputation/etc.

I'm extremely afraid for Hans's survival. Not because of his constant trailer beefing (and he really took every opportunity to wipe out) but because of that shot with him doing the big dramatic eagle wing spread on horseback. You can't just do that and not expect to be punished by the narrative, bro.

MUTT IS BACK MUTT IS BACK MUTT IS BACK

is that pebbles? MUTT IS BACK please be pebbles

Henry's new hair is awful and I will be changing it two seconds in.

In general, Henry looks way more mature/stressed. Hard to say if there was a timeskip and Henry is now actually more mature or if the increased graphics allow him to look more like his voice actor, who is older than Henry. Either way I will be content. Will not catch me changing my son's precious face!!!

CROSSBOWS, HAND CANNONS

Istvan is pure fire, holy shit, cannot wait for this performance. Erik looks like a soggy newspaper. What happened king?

radzig? hello? anyone hear from this guy? typical for him to ghost

FIVE HOURS OF CUTSCENES???? YOU KNOW YOUR TARGET AUDIENCE. IT IS ME. I LOVE TO WATCH THINGS

Theresa's gonna be in it though, right? They wouldn't do us like that right?

Really excited to see them taking a page from RDR2 and incorporating a temperament-based reply system for non-dialogue initiating NPCs. I really look forward to all the added sandbox immersion enhancements from the first game, and I hope women are incorporated in a broader work spectrum for better historical accuracy.

WAS THAT GODWIN?

Is Hans going to teach Henry how to swim for real, as in a gameplay-altering swim mechanic, or is the topless on the riverbank scene just throwing a meaty bone to the hansry shippers (i am gnawing, i am growling when you try to take it away before i choke myself with it)

I love hearing devs and actors talk intelligently about the writing and character development arcs. Obviously they thought about it deeply in KCD1, but it's nice to see devs of an "action" game treating its narrative seriously, as artwork. Regardless of how the fandom idiots interact with it.

Hans singing a facetious little ballad for Henry (presuming it makes it into the game and isn't just trailer fodder) regenerated my cells. He DID promise in KCD1 (if you lose the tourney after agreeing to be his champion) that one day people would sing ballads in Henry's honor. Probably he did not intend for them to include the word "fuck" at the time.

This is going to be the grown up bromance we deserved in kcd1. Honestly it's so validating to see the second game recentering on that relationship and deliberately using it as the primary storytelling vehicle. KCD1 was pretty imbalanced in favor of Hans content, but it would have been better served by the game storyline fully leaning into the importance of that relationship, rather than trying to juggle it as a side-arc with several other arcs (and thereby creating an imbalance). KCD2 looks like it's built around the backbone of Henry and Hans's friendship and how it has profoundly changed them both/propelled their arcs in somewhat different directions.

On that point, Henry seems to have completely adopted Rattay colors now, but it's possible that's due to him operating as Hans's page (squire?) where we left them in KCD1. WHERE IS RADZIG

Calling Henry an orphan is a LITTLE generous given he was a whole ass adult man when his parents were killed, don't you think.

Calling Henry a lover is VERY VERY GENEROUS

I'm hyped.

[erwinsvow]

I know this isn’t the usual speed around here but slightly pathetic whimpery s1 Rafe is to die for!! He’s obviously cocky and entitled but it’s in a more spoiled and almost bratty way so he throws his little temper tantrums when he doesn’t get his way… I think s1 has seriously overlooked toxic Rafe potential

- 💓

wait i know im allllll about season 2 rafe like hes loml seriously but i just started rewatching season 1 and i dont like his hair lol but hes so toxic and gross. i know everyone on here has been talking more about him and like fratboy rafe and i usually refrain but something about being his gf through all of season 1..... im hornee.

in particular im thinking of like how he acts so douchey with everyone in public but its so visible he has a huge soft spot for you.. waves you over when he's just hanging out with his friends to check in that you're doing okay, goes and gets you a fresh drink before giving you a kiss and sending you off back to ur friends.. makes some gross comment about how you were screaming for him in the back of his truck last night after you walk away... kelce is like bro. i always sit in the back.

you'd be lurking in his bedroom when he goes down to 'have a chat' with his dad, like when he gets yelled at about the generators. comes back all angry and literally folds you in half and fucks you until you cry because you are his favorite way to calm down <3 ... (i have no idea what the vibes on this blog are and i dont wanna make people mad but he gets so manipulative... esp if you're just like i don't feeling like fucking again right now or esp in public!!!! which he looooves.... starts going on a tangent about how he provides for you and takes care of you and he's the man of the house and if he needs to relax you should be on your knees already.... sorry omg if ur reading this n youre starting to hate me i apologize in advance. i never talk about scummy scummy rafe but hes real and hes so hot. fully wants you to be like a hyperactive horny bunny just waiting for his dick at all times.... i would 110% start doing it too... ANYWAYS)

he's so spoiled so he likes spoiling you with anything you want... most of the stuff he gets you is pretty much for him tho... gets hard because you wear an RC necklace.. lots of pretty lingerie and babydolls that he likes to rip up...handcuffs because duh.. it's almost always you in the handcuffs but every once in a while he can be convinced to get in them lol

but the temper tantrums are soooo real like especially if you're out with friends or made plans with your parents. like he seriously loves making you abandon your plans to come see him. but then youll show up and hes at a party and selling or ignoring you and ofc you cry because it's like he made you come here and not even giving you any attention... then he'll drag you out by your hair and fuck you SOOO mean in the back of his truck talkin about "just needed this dick, yeah? s'okay, dad's gonna give it to ya hard. then you'll be good as gold won'tya?" ugh. hes so mean.

im still in my rewatch but the scene where him and topper beat up pope:( this especially hits sooo hard w my pogue reader but i can just imagine that being the cause of your first real fight, like you're so upset he can be that cruel but there goes his manipulation tactics.. telling you he needs to be a proactive man to protect you and his friends and his turf. he's not letting anyone walk all over him, regardless if you like them or not. fucks you until you forget all about your pogue friends, and then you end up bandaging his bloody hand for him.

ooohh and when they go to that movie showing.. can just imagine curling up on a lawnchair with him under a blanket, him n the boys are on high alert for jj and pope but he keeps a tight arm around you, goes and gets you a soda and popcorn which you two share.. you don't want him to leave and you whine when he does.. can just imagine the scene where jj and pope turn back to look at him when kie tells them rafe is right behind them. rafe is staring so hard at them while ur tryna feed him a piece of popcorn. LOL

[mothsgotghosts]

Soapghost Tangled Au

LOOK. I'm certain I'm not the first person to think about this but I Don't Care. This blog is basically just me saying shit about cod to the void anyway and talking like a bunch of people will see it lmao. THIS IS GONNA BE LONG AS FUCK BTW.

Also this shit is gonna feature some good old fashioned nikprice and alerudy and my several headcanons, a few of which I will share for context: First of all, almost everyone is trans in my mind, I won't lie to you. But mostly that's not relevant to the plot besides Soap and Nik are both trans men. Also Ghost is transfem and that's not super relevant but I will be using mostly she/her for her (I hc her using she/her and he/him pronouns) so be prepared. OKAY GOOD This is just gonna be me rambling my ideas in a bulleted list hopefully in the order of the plot.

The story sticks fairly close to the actual movie plot, once upon a time there was a magic flower yadda yadda. Anyway Old Man Shepherd wants to be eternally young yeah

Meanwhile the kings (Price and Nik) are like "let's have another kid", I say another bc Gaz is here also he's adopted <3, and seahorse dad Nik is real, okay great (DO NOT TURN THIS INTO OMEGAVERSE SHIT. HE'S TRANS. A TRANS PARENT.)

Anyway uh oh Nik gets sick (haha rhyme) and Price is like "go get that flower so my husband doesn't DIE thanks), Shepherd is pissed, steals their baby with magic hair

That baby with magic hair is Soap! Who is raised by Shepherd, everyone's favorite (least favorite) manipulative piece of shit!

Some background info on Soap's childhood, it wasn't great being locked in a tower and also. Soap is trans in this (as I've said), he's just gnc, but the long hair. Eehh. Not something he super loves but Shepherd won't let him cut it, obviously. The mohawk was a compromise (yes I know the hair lore but I want him to have a mohawk so shh)

Anyway Soap's 20-something birthday rolls around and he tries to ask Shepherd to go see the glowing lights, Shepherd says no, they argue, Soap asks for paint instead, Shepherd leaves to go get it

Meanwhile Ghost and Graves are robbing the fucking castle and steal the lost prince's crown, Ghost leaves Graves to get caught by the royal guard and then gets chased by a horse named Riley for a while before ditching him and climbing into an abandoned tower, and gets hit with a frying pan

Again, the story continues fairly the same. John makes a deal with this stranger in a skull mask to take him to see the floating lights, the lanterns apparently, and he'll give her her satchel back, Ghost begrudgingly agrees.

Ghost then takes Soap to get some food to convince him to go home and call off the deal, and she takes him to Los Vaqueros Saloon, run by two outlaw husbands and frequented by loads of criminals and bounty hunters

In case it wasn't obvious, Alejandro and Rudy own the saloon. Its patrons are made up of various different operators + Valeria (who IS an operator now but still).

Poor Soap is terrified bc Shepherd told him all people, esp ones like these, are bad news and then a bunch of guys lunge on Ghost to get her bounty and send someone out to go find some guards. Soap stops them, I've Got A Dream happens. Alejandro wants to be a pianist, good for him :)

Meanwhile Shepherd returns, sees Soap is gone, and rolls up right as Soap is saying how glad he is he left and gets pissed

Then the royal guard show up and Rudy and Alejandro help them escape and then call Ghost's dream stupid.

"Go follow your dream, hermano." "I will." "He was talking to him, your dream is stupid."

They get cornered by Graves, the royal guard, and Riley, escape and then get trapped in a cave and nearly drown. Ghost cuts her hand trying to pry away some rocks but it's too dark underwater for her to see. They both think they're gonna die so Ghost tells Soap her real name.

"my real name is Simon Riley. Somebody might as well know." "I have magic hair that glows when I sing." "....what?" "OH MY GOD- I HAVE MAGIC HAIR THAT GLOWS WHEN I SING!!!"

John's good old magic hair saves the day, they escape, they find a clearing to camp out in for the night and Soap uses his hair to heal the cut on Simon's hand, Simon freaks out a little bit it's fine, she's fine

John then asks why Simon changed her name to Ghost, Simon says it's a boring story but John listens anyway. She talks about her father and her brother taunting her with ghosts and skeletons, and when they died it stuck with her. She decided to become a ghost.

Simon asks about John's hair, he tells her that his "father" keeps him in that tower to protect him from people who want to steal his hair, shows her the tiny little brown strand that never grew back and says people want to use him for his hair's healing abilities, it's how he got the big scar on his chin.

Simon leaves to get firewood, and Shepherd emerges from the fucking shadows like a creature and tells Soap to come home with him, to which Soap says no because he Likes Simon, and she's gonna take him to see the lanterns, and she's nice!! Shepherd gets mad, tosses him the satchel and says to give it to Simon and see what she does, that he'll be sorry when she runs away with it, and then leaves

Simon comes back and Soap lies and says everything is fine. Shepherd runs into Graves who wants to kill Simon and makes a deal with him

Then morning rolls around and Simon is awoken by RILEY THE FUCKING HORSE, Soap convinces Riley to be nice and let Simon go for one day because "it's my birthday :)" and she's supposed to take him to see the lanterns

They make their way into town and Simon immediately is like "okay yeah your hair is too long" because people keep stepping on it and gets some kids to braid it. John looks very handsome, Simon is very queer, they run off and have a good time enjoying the town square and all the festivities

At some point Soap notices a mural of the royal family, with a certain golden haired baby that looks very familiar, but quickly brushes it off to dance with the townsfolk and Simon

Then it's time to see the lights! Yay! Simon gets a boat for him and John, tosses Riley a bag of apples that he Definitely Paid For, Okay...Or Mostly Paid For.

I See the Light happens, John gives Simon the satchel and Simon pushes it aside in favor of taking off her mask, just for John.

"but I'm not scared anymore, ye know?" "I think I'm starting to."

AND THEN HE TAKES THE MASK OFF AND. sometimes, I am a genius. Anyway, they get back to shore and Simon sees Graves and is like "I promise I'll be right back" and goes off to just give him the satchel, he doesn't want it anymore he just wants to be done with all this criminal shit, mainly for Johnny.

Graves instead is like "what if I took that magic hair guy instead" and knocks his ass out and ties her to a boat then goes to snatch Soap. Shepherd shows up AGAIN and knocks Graves out like "oh look son I saved you!" And Soap sees the boat with Simon on it, thinks she left him, and goes back with Shepherd

Simon wakes up TIED TO A BOAT WITH THE FUCKING CROWN HE STOLE AND GETS ARRESTED

Graves also gets arrested and Simon freaks out on him when passing him being led to his cell, Graves says that some weird guy showed up and took Soap back home and Simon is locked in her cell

Meanwhile back at the tower, Soap is laying in his bed all sad bc his gf left him, when he realizes the sun crest on the little flag Simon got him at the festival matches suns he's been subconsciously painting for YEARS, that when he tried on that crown Simon stole it fit, that that baby on that mural WAS HIM, that BRO HE IS THE LOST PRINCE.

Then he yells at Shepherd for stealing him away and Shepherd is like "okay fuck you" and plans to lock him up forever

Meanwhile, Simon gets broken out of prison by two cowboys and their gaggle of thieves and bounty hunters and a horse named Riley. Riley takes him to the tower where he climbs up and gets stabbed by Shepherd after seeing Soap LITERALLY CHAINED TO A WALL.

John begs Shepherd to let him heal her, that he'll go with him quietly and never complain if he does and Shepherd agrees and chains Simon up too so he can't follow them. Soap goes to heal her and Simon slices off a bunch of his hair. Shepherd rapidly ages and falls out of the window and dies, L moment. Simon dies too tho, sad.

For real though, "You were my new dream" "And you were mine" fucks me up every time. Anyway, Simon dies, Soap's magic tears of love or something brings her back to life.

"Did I ever mention...I like brunettes" "PFF- YER AN ARSEHOLE!" "Sorry Johnny, there can only be one blonde person in this relationship!"

Anyway happily ever after and all that, Soap gets to reunite w his long lost fathers and brother.

Look idk how they recognize him okay. Father's intuition? Blue eyes? The big fat scar on his chin that wasn't ACTUALLY from someone stealing Soap (he was a stupid baby)? Idk could be any or all of those.

THE END!!!!!! Thank you to those who sat here and read ALL of this <3 big preesh! Okay idk how to end this so bye

[yuukei-yikes]

What are your mekatrio + Ayano hcs esp post-str? I’m still bitter that we didn’t get to see their reunion in mca

FOR FUCKING REAL UGH mca giving us the Good ending but at the same time starving us horribly. like it only delivered on ayano and hiyori being alive 😭 but we dont even SEE hiyori we just pathetically point at her silhouette and then we see shinaya scene that seems to have gotten the whole budget in animation. there is something that irks me abt the shinaya scene in str being so damn pretty and then ayanos theory of happiness is. THAT. like when i remember ayanos theory of happiness in mca i lose my mind bc sometimes i cant believe that rly happened. kagepro is such a joke

WAIT THIS ISNT MCA BASHING ITS MEKATRIO TIME omg post str tateyama siblings♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️ i think ayano feels insanely guilty for leaving them alone for so long and feels like a damn failure and well ayano's mental stability post str is something to be studied by scientists let's just say she's BARELY hanging in there. she's desperate to make up for lost time and so is the trio but the trio is more like hey WE are also there for u if u need it especially kido and seto to BOTH kano and ayano, like we dont want you guys to ever hide something like that from us again bc we are supposed to be a family and we're in this together ok??? especially now that their parents are gone gone. like kenjirou had been long gone since before properly dying but... it still hits different that he's REALLY gone for good.

but if anything this drives ayano to try to suck it up even more. she's not even relying on kano anymore because she sees how it's affected him that she did rely on him so much back then, and she's even MORE incredibly guilty over it. ayano would be helicoptering over all 3 and ESPECIALLY kano.

kido has been carrying the pressure of trying to be The Big Sister replacement after losing 2 big sisters of their own, seto is sort of projecting all his insecurities and pain onto helping mary and obsessing over how much worse she had it as if that somehow takes away his right to also be upset and kano is. (gestures at his whole thing) i think post str kano is the most messed up of them all and i mean ALL the dan, even more than ayano or shintaro LMAO

because while ayano and shintaro are sort of clumsily tripping and stuff in the way of healing they're still in that path while kano is actively spiraling down bc he's so used to being miserable and now he's gotten everything he's ever wanted and he feels so undeserving and guilty and lost and alone. and ayano is here BEGGING to be relied on and needed but kano KNOWS BETTER than to do that because he knows ayano is hurting too and in the same way she is sucking it up for his and their siblings' sake he is doing the same for her. its such a mess. i love emotional constipation.

kano is on his way to a very very VERY ugly meltdown like im talking about a sort of um maybe 💀 attempt. YKNOW WHAT I MEAN. erm... ayano too actually but i think she is most likely to seek help before it gets to that point especially since teehee she's. done that before. also ayano is sort of distracting herself with her relationship mess with shintaro bc that's ridiculous and its EASIER to be hurt about that than everything else. like somehow this silliness sort of saves her LOL not to sidetrack to shinaya but i think a big reason theyre so fucking messy is not only the obvious reasons but also they find comfort in that because that way they can be primarily worried about stupid shit like bwaaa u cuddle with ur asuna body pillow and not me instead of THE TIMELINES...WEVE DIED 1000 TIMES.... IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE IT HAPPENS AGAIN.... yknow what im saying!

i think she ends up breaking down to mekatrio and they all hold her while she cries the same way she held them while they cried when they reunited :(( i think when they reunite ayano is crying but Not sobbing while the mekatrio is like a fucking mess clinging to her and stuff. kind of like when shintaro goes get ayano like u dont have to fight alone anymore. ayano is like that to her siblings when they reunite she wants to be strong and let them cry like little kids again because they've been getting by alone for so long

i think breakdowns happen like. seto first, then kido second, then ayano, then kano (and kano's is UGLY like something very bad happens for this to take place)

also there is something so interesting to be explored in post str mary and ayano. ayaki is still the same person as ayano yknow, kinda... like everything ayaki does is something ayano in this route is capable of as well. and maybe in the worst part of her ayano resents mary even if she knows she shouldn't, and she's also troubled over seto obsessing over her so much instead of taking care of his own baggage. teehee.

surprisingly kido is the most put together of the 4 but theyre rather like a pressure bomb abt to go off LOL i think their breakdown begins through them getting REALLY REALLY MAD and exploding at everyone. it could start with something like kano putting the empty milk back in the fridge instead of throwing it away LMAO also kido's self steem is basically nonexistent and relies completely on trying to be this Cool Leader so a breakdown is absolutely forbidden. but it happens♥️ everyone needs therapy 👍👍👍

[litrallymadlad]

(betterdays spoilers ment) gasp!! yes i'd been using the website for reference after finishing the first time! i'd actually been wondering about deku, esp after timeline 4 where katsuki's parents are wary about him and katsuki being isolated from everyone. having all versions of deku be true is fascinating, esp with timeline 1 having him hide all of this yet being the Truth timeline...! it's almost heartbreaking that we know so much from jumping around but katsuki will never know everything.

i reread timeline 2 and god it's terrifying that after everything they're literally the only 2 humans left. when katsuki gets his memories back (i assume he does at some point?) how does he feels about deku? i can't imagine things going back to how they were before even with the knowledge. was so excited to read your response, thanks again !!

AAH I can’t remember if Katsuki’s parents explain, but it’s because Deku distanced Katsuki from them/took up all of Katsuki’s time so most of the time they just got phone calls from Katsuki on holidays and that’s it. SO ITS A COMBINATION OF THAT and Katsuki’s subconscious concerns bleeding into the NPCs around him.

What you said about Katsuki never knowing everything HAS ME SHOOKENING. ITS SO TRUE.

ALSO, HUGE SPOILER. LIKE, THE BIGGEST SPOILERS because these were never written even tho I really want to finish betterdays it just isn’t realistic unless I retire like rn HAHHA

There’s like one timeline where Deku doesn’t kill everyone in the spaceship and I think it’s the ones where Katsuki doesn’t “give in” to Deku as much. Cuz Timeline 2 you play right into Deku’s grubby little hands muahahaha and now he’s GREEDY and doesn’t want ANYONE ELSE to have Katsuki so he diverts all power from Mina, Kirishima, and Todoroki’s cells to keep Katsuki’s simulation going (effectively killing them).

If the others stay alive longer (I.e. Deku hasn’t gotten a TASTE FOR KATSUKI’S FLESH) then more power gets used, Todoroki gets booted out of his simulation to save on power (not unlike what happened to Deku) and TODOROKI FIGURES OUT REAL QUICK THAT DEKU’S FUCKING WITH KATSUKI’S SIMULATION. DEKU KILLS HIM.

And so basically Katsuki ends up finding evidence of the MURDER and that’s how he wises up in the super fake Deku timelines where Deku’s acting his ASS off (but not before a WHIRLWIND ROMANCE OF COURSE 😏)

[fairycosmos]

i wanna come out to my parents to bad but every time im close i chicken out and start shaking really heavily because its so nerve wrecking :/ i know they’d have a problem with it and its so fucked because ever since i lost my sister i feel like i HAVE to make them proud, i mean they’ve already lost one kid, you know? i cant make them feel like they’ve lost another one. this is super forward so if you don’t want to answer please don’t, but is that something you struggle with? like, not wanting to let them down now that they’ve experienced the worst thing that can happen to a parent? anyway, sorry to bother you. i didn’t know who else might understand. hope your night is going better than mine lol!!!

god it's almost bizarre how i could've written this word for word im so serious 😭 like. you might be me for real we should uhhh check or something we might be living parallel lives. i totally understand everything you're feeling, from the coming out dilemma to the grief and everything in between. however, lately ive been viewing the idea of "coming out" through a more critical lens, and i think it's a bizarre expectation to put onto yourself and others, outdated almost - ESP if it is going to put you in emotional or physical danger. you don't owe your parents an explanation for like, being who you are. no one is entitled to access to your personal thoughts, feelings and relationships like that. you're not lying, that's a completely toxic idea. i know it's more complex than that, and i know it's constricting, like you're suffocating some days even. there is a lot of nuance, and it's absolutely not fair that you can't be open about it without fear. but if you're not ready to tell them, you're not ready to tell them. this is your life. that's a perfectly understandable reaction when they've made you feel unsafe regarding the topic in some way. and im exactly the same, w the loss of my sister it's like - everything is on me. i feel like i can't breathe and any move i make is wrong, i feel like the older i get and the more they realise i really am not gonna follow the traditional path, the more they resent me. if not outwardly, then inwardly. im not gonna have kids or marriage or a fancy career, i am not a viable vessel for their projections. it's true, they've already been through a fucking nightmare and so often i dream about giving them a picture perfect life from here on out, despite how i personally feel about anything, ive come close to it many times. i still might end up doing that, because im so loat and hurt. but i just fucking know deep down it's not sustainable. it's a fantasy, and i know my sister would hate to think im killing myself like that just to keep up pretenses. that being said, it's all so much easier said than done. im not saying you have to come out and cut everyone off and live your life completely authentically without fear or pain. im just saying like......despite the fucking endless mourning and the trauma our parents have been through........i don't think the solution to that is living our lives purely on their conditions either. we're not our siblings, and we never will be. we'll never fill that void, no matter what we do. im so sorry you're going through this, and thank you so much for the well wishes ❤️ i feel really seen by your message and i want you to know you can say hi whenever you need a friend. sending you so much love and healing, i know it's unbearable. X

[storiesofsvu]

law and order thoughts/spoilers

as usual, they're out of order thanks to citytv airing them weird, but OC/og/svu, here we go!

HATE that city tv airs these out of order. I would love to see SVU at the same time as everyone else for fucking once.

We stan a bad bitch wife. Even if she is the real villain. And this seems to be the theme of OC. But also why is this bitch’s hair always GEL SLICKED down like this?? -- WAS THAT A GAY THOUGHT?! OMG—

OKAY NOT THIS BITCH. THE DR WHO HARVESTED ORGANS WITHOUT PARENTAL CONSENT!?!!? Fuck…get your extra’s straight PLEASE

Okay. I GET Denise’s pov when it comes to this shit, ESP with Ayanna missing handoff time for what I’m guessing is not the first time post split. But like, why must we bury our gays yet again. Why can’t we just have a fucking happy lgbt relationship SOMEWHERE on one of these shows???

“two people aren’t that close for that long and never sleep together.” Stabler: “you sure about that?”

LOOOOOOLLLLLLL as much as I don’t want EO together at this point, I do love all the little easter eggs that they toss into the shows this season

Ayanna really not fucking around with these rats and girl… I fucking feel you

Course she lied to the police, saw that one coming. Like, this bitch is not dumb, she clearly would’ve dumped the phone and is going to help this guy, like, come on guys…

This bitch is gonna be dead before you get to the Canadian border…

OH SHIT. THIS I DID NOT SEE COMING. Shiiiiitttttt

I’m way more invested in this than I thought I would be. As usual, I think it’s because of Ayanna

Bruh, she’s better at de-escalation than olivia is, I said it.

This man is a CHILD. Like…a CHILD. I’m over him being the main villain of this season I’m over him, please let this only last half a season PLEASE.

I was JUST about to say “man, I think I liked this ep so much because there was so little Stabler” and then he goes and rage punches a mirror in a public bar bathroom. Bruh. You better be paying for that….

**

Mothership time!

Okay… wait… the girl Nolan was with… I could SWEAR that’s kat’s cousin/sister/whatever….but shit aint up on imbd yet so someone remind me to look this up later.

Also…did we *really* need t have two vicious subway attacks two weeks in a row guys??

Also also….sir… you are not a cop..you do not have a weapon…why are you running *toward* the shooting.

Great acting though dude, props to the shaky hands looking legit.

Cosgrove: where the hell did he go? Bruh… you’re asking that like you were in hot pursuit… he’s LONG GONE

 All they need to do to prove this wasn’t the shooter is run a quick gsr test… like…stop pushing that angle and work the other ones.

ROSSI??!! Jfc… lololol

Okay I’m 99% sure lacey’s mom was a vic on svu….like I get it, there are only so many actors, esp for extras and in nyc but like…cmon.. lololol (sidebar: I need imdb to update pls) (update: its not lol)

I bet that they didn’t tell the mom that kate knows sign and all of this could be thrown out by a lawyer later on, though they could claim its just lip reading but like, she did invoke and a good attorney would throw hands over this. (even if they’re not associated…I cant remember the proper word rn lol)

ACCOMPLIASE! THAT’S THE WORD!

Listen… I just don’t like jack mccoy. I don’t know why. And it’s more him in the new season, didn’t mind him in the earlier svu eps (minus him threatening casey’s licence multiple times but at least Donnelly had her back)

God Sam’s so fucking hot. I may need to rewatch the last season so I can accurately start writing for her… and that RED. PLEASE!?!

Okay Nolan and this other attorney defs fucked/dated in the past. There’s no questioning it

TAKING THE JURY ON THE TRAIN!?? Well…never seen this shit before…(I wasn’t paying attention prior to the train so like, if that was some weird imagine thing, pardon me lol) but like DAMN.

I need to have a couple of eps without Nolan. I want to see Sam take first chair or a solo case.

Yeah they definitely dated…

Okay that episode was heavy.. if you’re going to watch, be known that it could defs be triggering, both the opening segment, the main living victim’s testimony and the jury on the crime scene train was all a LOT

**

SVU fucking finally. Bring me my babies please!!

Therapy! Thank fucking god! I mean, she’d obvi have to be post shooting, but like, still. Thank fuck

Okay this amanda does seem like more early season amanda, like, the defensiveness, the closed off, please don’t be that closed off with your friends or carisi pls.

But also like, fuck. How hard it must be to deal with what happened when you’re at home with the girls when you can’t pick either of them up because there’s a hole in your stomach….

“we bring HOME” ???!!!! SO THEY LIVE TOGETHER NOW, RIGHT!?? UGH. THE CUTENESS. I ADORE PAPA CARISI

Okay I cant decide if amanda would be all over this case because of her obsession with social media/reality tv and the like, or if she would just roll her eyes at the way the girl was acting because she’s done that shit in the past like with… skye…I cant remember her real name but when the vics don’t see themselves as vics or want help amanda usually shoves them away

“she’s a millennial, they’re entitled” OUCH OLIVIA, OUCH.

YES!! MUNCY! YES!! I LOOVE when they bring in actors reality’s into their characters (and molly’s a huge sports fan)

Yeah right, “my daughter’s a huge fan” amanda?! Please. It’s you.

Girl…if you wanted to not be followed and not stand out why tf are you wearing a BRIGHT pink hoodie??

Liv looking *fire* thank god this season did her so much better

Ugh COUCH CUDDLES GOD LORD HEY ARE FEEDIN US WELL

Would have been made 10000 times better IF she was wearing the Fordham hoodie

Oh jesus fucking christ. I stand by what I said earlier; amanda could never have been coping through this without having someone else helping her with the kids cause she is not okay…

That ring is not gorgeous. It looks like a cheap ass plastic kids toy ring

This case is giving me major Spousal Privilege vibes.

Okay that *is* Tensley Addams mom…

HAAAAA!! I KNEW THE WARDROBE ADVICE WAS COMING lololol. Like, nick got told to shave INSTANTLY, this girls been walking around in jeans and baggy hoodies for way too long now.

Okay, I know this is “based” off the depp/heard case, and honestly, I’m (so far) super happy with the way they’ve done it. It could’ve been a LOT more obvious and this is like, the right way of taking “ripped from the headlines” and making it into a plot bunny for an actual episode.

Im sorry… THAT’S austin’s lawyer?!?! The so called “most expensive, best lawyer in the city?” ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? No.. absolutely not. (and this isn’t even me being salty about rita not being around…this is just be thinking there’s no way she’s the best he could get…) (and no offence to her, it’s the costuming choice in her first scene…bruh…no..) (arraignment outfit much better)

YES!! YES!! THEY LIVE TOGETHER!!! (also there was so definitely more to that office scene and they cut it… FUCK)

Theres something going on with the red pants in the gallery, theres too many of them to it not be a thing…

 Okay, I was right for the red pants

She can’t close the courtroom??? Seriously?? I thought that was a thing? And was honestly already wondering why the gallery wasn’t cleared.

Eeeeecckkk I know carisi is doing exactly what he needs to for court, but like…that argument would be something that would directly affect and hurt amanda, esp the state she’s in rn. Thankfully, I don’t see her in the courtroom so at least she wasn’t witness to that…

THAT ROLIVIA SCENE OH MY GOD PERFECTION

So…the girl asks for a back exit from the precinct cause she think papp’s followed her, but she walks out the front stairs of the courthouse post verdict???

How tall is this kid!?? Like he’s bigger than carisi?!

Okay, we were fed WELL tonight besties. I am so thankful to finally see amanda realizing what her issues are and dealing with them while having the full support of her (presumably) closest friend liv and her love, like, this is healing, this is growth and progress. Do I hate that she’s going to leave in a few eps? Absolutely. But this is so much better than the past.

This week had yet another great episode.

[inkyquince]

Hello I’m back I set a timer it has been 24 hours tell me about your listeners please

(Please don’t feel pressured get to this when you get to it I know your still settling in and junk)

RA Anon

I DID NEED A NAP AND A DR PEPPER AND A MOMENT.

But first of all, my favourite story line is forever Sam and Darlin'. Like everything with them and Quinn is so good, and them growing closer. Like fucker, let me suck them both silly that's so good. I do love the marcus storyline cuz something in me does think we shall meet him again and mans is just crying and grovelling, like he was in james' office. Also that storyline is just to juicy, with Anton, i know he has his own listener, but lemme kiss, and JamES- IMPERIUM JAMES ALSO BEING LIKE AN AWFUL PERSON WITH HYPNOTISM FUCKING AHHHH

Also the Vega storyline with Pet and Baby is great, imperium or not. The Cutie one is heart wrenching cuz like... I love Geordie but also there's also something obviously up with Cutie. Like WHAT THEY DOING ISNT NORMAL AT ALL, ESP IN THIS SOCIETY WHERE ITS AGAINST THE LAW, SO THERE IS SOMETHING WEIRD GOING ON WITH THEM.

Like the entire arc of David is so good too.... Nibble...

ANYWAY, THATS MY BEING AN IDIOT, MY LISTENERS are UNDER the Cut

Angel: Morgan, she/her

An actual trash goblin. Friendly, open, flirty and horny. Mixed, half Japanese and half Islander from Turks and Caicos in the Carribean. Some real daddy and mommy issues. Was sent alone to American to be with an aunt has had limited contact with her parents since. Instead of becoming a good child, she got a bit rebellious, cutting all of her hair off, getting piercings and a tattoo and being OPEN AND UPFRONT AND FLIRTY, hence David. She went from prepping to be a doctor for her parents, to picking the simpliest office job, because she didn't want work to be her life, even though she now enjoys it. She is now an Actuary in a consulting firm.

Baaabe: Dorian, he/him

Originally frmo Kuwait, his family changed their name to fit in. Quiet, somewhat stoic, but also has a subdued snarky and flirty streak. Likes to watch Asher dangle. He's a lawyer, and dear god let him REST. He's soft.

Baby: Theo, he/them

Theo is a genderfluid mess. Albino, sweet but has a rough side, especially after Ivan. I do miss Baby, AND NOT THE FLYBOI IVAN BABY, and somewhat wish for them to come back into the story, even if it's better for their mental health to be free again. Oh, yeah, they're from Baltimore.

Bestie: Wyatt, he/him

Blake's bestie? You better believe it. Wyatt has always been kind of a mess and sickly, so no wonder Blake's blood pressure is so fucking high. He's just tryna reconnect with his friend, mans doesn't know Blake is deep in the shit pool. He moved from Denver up to Dahlia as a kid.

Cutie: Azra, she/her

I DONT KNOW WHEN, BUT IN MY HEAD, CUTIE AND SWEETHEART ARE COUSINS. IT MAKES SENSE TO ME. TO ME. STEALTH AND MIND READER, THEY'RE COUSINS. So, yeah, Azra is Chinese, and a mess. Big ole mess. Traumatised and quiet and sad. Flings herself into relationships with a lot of intensity. She's from Shenzhen and her family moved to be with her cousin's in Dahlia.

Darling: Riley, he/him

THE MYTH, THE MAN, THE LEGEND, HERE HE IS. My favourite fucking Listener. Child of a messy divorce, father abusive. His mother left with her boyfriend turned husband to Dahlia to be with the Shaw wolfpack, and left him with his father and younger siblings. Was in and out of foster care, but CPS got in contact with his mother after his shoulder was shattered from physically fighting with his father. She took him and his siblings to Dahlia, where he struggled to fit in and was stand offish. Loyal but hates being included in the family of the Shaw pack. Isn't until the Sam story line does he try not to be as much as a fuck up. Scarred up, is trying to unlearn toxic behaviours. Very sexual, very snide, very rude and for some reason this cowboy decided to top him. Obviously, originally from Washington.

Deviant/ Freelancer: Inez, she/they

Another messy bitch. Hated Gavin VERY MUCH at first, before just kinda accepting him then it turned into fwb and then dating. In my heart, they were rivals to lovers. I do love her. Left her family to go to Dahlia and go to D.A.M.N. In a perfect world, the D.A.M.N crew are poly but yknow. She wanted to be friends with Kody, did find him intresting but yeah, would kick his teeth in now. Originally from Phoenix, Arizona, with a family that's orignally from Venezuala.

Love: Eli, it/its, he/him

Our puppet robot boy. Flat, but questioning. After the entire fiasco with Marcus, he's far more reserved and sad and distant with everyone, except maybe Anton and James. Wishes for their genitals to be removed, due to the event.

Lovey: Ajax/Matheo, he/him

THE FRESH NEW VAMPIRE ON THE BLOCK? YES, HE IS. His nickname is Ajax, from when he was in school and was apart of a small ancient history class and they studied the history of Troy, and they assigned each other a hero. He got Ajax, and almost always introduces himself as it. Flirty, questioning and smug. A photographer who just wanted to take some snaps of the abandoned amusement park, and now he's got fangs. His family has Dutch origins, but he's lived in Dahlia his entire life.

Starlight: Maeve, she/her

StARLIGHT AND AVIOR! Snarky, fun, and questioning about every little thing. She's way too interested in throwing herself into situations, just enough of a daredevil to be worrying. She's originally from Haiwaii, and lived in Honolulu. Forced to move at a young age due to their house being bought up and resold to be made into a touristy hotel.

Sunshine: August, he/him

I love Elliot and Sunshine. The picrew isn't that accurate, he has a grey streak in his hair and vitiligo. Likes that he has a weird ass dream hopper boyfriend and ngl... Would brawl bestie. Moved away from San Jose, and became childhood friends with Elliot, and they've been inseperable ever since.

Sweetheart: Kai, she/her

The OTHER HALF OF THE POWER COUPLE. She grew up in Singapore, but her family moved over to Dahlia when she was young. She joined the department ment and my god. Powerhouse. She is a menace. Loves horror, loves scaring people, is a bit weird, almost fey-like. Menace menace menace. Tries her best to look after Azra, but is worried about her. Aggro is her baby now.

THERE ARE A FEW OTHERS LISTENERS I HAVEN'T FULLY FINISHED, LIKE SMART ASS, BUT CAN YOU BLAME ME, I GOT SAM AND DAVID TO THINK ABOUT. PET IS FULLY DONE BUT I STILL GOTTA DO THE PICREW SO WILL REBLOG LATER WHEN THOSE LADS ARE DONE

[gnomeniche]

I was listening to Two Birds on a wire and then the line “I’ll believe it all”, and thought if Linden and Lucas. Omg it’s them, or from what I’ve seen, its reminds me of the two bros when they were a bit younger.

two birds makes me feel it all honestly. whenever i find characters i can apply it to i just lay there. i didn't even think of them as two birds but now that you bring up "i'll believe it all" i FEEL it.

anyway uhhh i was just gonna go into the twins' relationship and family drama but i guess this is the post where i do a deep dive into linden's fucked up brain. under the cut!

YES they were very close as kids. linden let lucas know what people without second sight were seeing so lucas could avoid being made fun of and lucas often enlisted linden for help when he needed to deal with something supernatural. linden never really questioned whether lucas's sight was real. even though he doesn't have second sight linden is observant enough to see little inconsistencies in things that he notices his brother giving funny looks toward. and he's physically felt invisible things touch him on occasions when lucas would bring him along to check out something weird he saw. so of course it's real. and they'd stand up for each other whenever someone was being cruel to the other. brothers stick by brothers, always.

they grew apart when they entered adolescence bc. well. adolescence is a time where you start paying more attention to what people think of you and what they think is normal. and the constant mockery of lucas started weighing hard on both twins esp since their parents already put a lot of pressure on them. pressure on lucas to not be such an embarrassment and pressure on linden to be perfect to make up for his brother's "failings".

the dilemma was that linden hated how people treated his brother and wanted to stand by him but he also was terrified of being treated the way people treated his brother. and it's really hard not to start resenting your brother when you are trying SO hard and want more than just a shred of affection for once in your life and everyone rejects him and by extension you because you two share a face and are usually together. and it was ABSOLUTELY NOT lucas's fault, but when you are a kid and there's so much you can't control, it's so hard to recognize that the blame falls on society and your parents. it's easier to blame it on something within reach. or someone.

and so eventually everything gets to be too much and everyone's laughing at you two and you snap and you tell your brother in front of everyone that god, they are right, why do you have to be such a FREAK all the time? and your brother, who never fucking expected this kind of shit to come from HIS FUCKING BROTHER, spits back that he always KNEW that one day you'd turn out to be just like everyone else. and then he runs off and you desperately want to apologize for losing it because you never wanted to treat him how everyone else does but he's avoiding you and now that he's not around you people see you without him and they like you more and maybe... you do... want to be like everyone else. you're getting the hang of talking and acting how they want and they light up and praise you whenever you say something they like or achieve something good and even your parents aren't disappointed in you and god it feels so good (but your brother was never a burden to you, says a voice in the back of your head, and you ignore it because you can't go back to the constant shame and fear even though you've just replaced it with a different kind of fear because you can never ever slip up or else they'll treat you like lucas again and then the guilt hits again for having that thought and rinse and repeat).

meanwhile on the outside he's just becoming more well-liked and more of an overachiever and he's gotten so good at wearing the mask that nobody can tell that anything dark is boiling beneath. and lucas never forgave him for it. rightfully so. he was supposed to be his brother and he abandoned him and now he's SO happy with his new life and he barely even acknowledges lucas anymore. and for lucas that's kind of worse? like it would be objectively worse if linden started bullying him after the initial fight but instead he just... stopped acknowledging him. at all. and that did somewhat redirect other people's attention away from lucas but like. your brother who used to wholeheartedly support and believe in you has just fully rejected you in the space of like, a week. it hurts a lot.

but even though it seems like linden has everything he is desperately lonely and living in utter terror all the time. like everyone likes him and everyone is friendly with him but. nobody likes him because they don't really know him! they only know the image he projects. and nobody is friends with him because he doesn't let them close enough even though he does a good job of fooling them. everything he's done for love has just put him farther from it than ever. he can't risk having a crack in the facade and having everyone see that he's someone they'd mock. or worse, someone they'd pity. don't look at him with that pitying expression. no vulnerability ever except for the carefully curated Seeming of vulnerability that makes people more comfortable around you. but no real truth.

but at this point what even IS true about him, anyway? like does it really matter that deep down he really does not want to be like this if he's spent half his life being exactly like this? at some point, if the facade is doing everything, the facade becomes more real than the person. eidolon problems baby. he barely has a concept of what his real identity is anymore because he spends so much time trying to be what others want. he knows he loves and believes his brother but if he can't let himself show it in any way but the smallest, does he?

like he knows magic is real but he spends so much time knowingly lying about lucas's sight being fake. and lucas knows it too. that just makes it worse honestly. that lucas knows that linden doesn't believe this but he is actively choosing to lie about it. and for what? for what, linden?

TL;DR he sucks. i'm holding him gently. he's a terrible brother. he knows he's a terrible brother and he knows his reasons for it are terrible. he's not scared of anything. he has severe anxiety. he's a mean girl. he hates mean people. he's made himself as perfect as he can be. he thinks there's nobody worse than him. he's beloved by everyone. he's still as desperate for any shred of real affection as he was when he was a teen. he knows exactly what path he is going to take. he has no idea what he wants. he's perfectly normal. he is unbelievably fucked up. he has everything. it doesn't make him happy. he's worst boy and he's my favorite.

it's gonna be a fucking ordeal getting him to open up let alone repairing his and lucas's relationship. it's a good thing he's a recurring character before the arc he features in so we can start chipping at that mask early.

anyway as a reward for making it this far i'll leave you with some more songs. "call them brothers" by regina spektor, "aishite aishite aishite" by kikuo, "lying beast" by run river north

[selamat-linting]

i've been postponing my homestuck read for days now, focusing on other work and stuff. it was only yesterday that i stop doing my little break. here's my thoughts :

-post scratch world are fascinating. everyone is 15 and the parents are now the kids and vice versa. it seems like a mix between alternia and earth! Lusus exists but concentrated on jake's island, i've seen a lot of callbacks to earlier dialogues and certain troll only things like the quadrants being mentioned, and im pretty sure the rival baking empire was headed by the troll empress who found her planet destroyed.

-anyway, the parents?!!?!?! theyre now the kids? how does that work? dirk and roxy did mention their parents are dead so maybe the sburb alpha version of dave and rose just isnt in the picture but man i wanna see i wanna i wanna see. and now everything i know about the alpha kids makes me want to go back and look back on the beta kids interaction with their parents to go Hmmmmmmmmmmm

-that being said it would be extra screwy is the alpha guardians (grown up beta kids) are actually still alive theyre just absent cunts so the alpha kids resent them and believe the real ones are dead. Oh roxy, just wait until you see your child / mother.

-my thoughts on jane crocker : heartbreaking. the AU version of your favorite beta kid is a billionare 😭. to be fair all of them becomes rich kids in this alpha timeline lol. Okay jokes aside, im very concerned for her and use of crocker tech. Im with dirk and roxy on this. She's a pretty pleasant fellow though. Most normal person out of the crew. There is something very sad about them. Like, they dont get to have a semblance of a normal life or even participate in society for reasons related to the game before the game even arrived. Theyre prepped for this one grand adventure only and its more traumatizing than actually fun. if they won, the world still ends.

-roxy is so. she reminds me of my neighbors' kid who bragged about drinking CT (a local very strong alcoholic drink) but a girl genius. im just fascinated in general. a rogue of void? sleepwalking? owns many cats? she would have been a popular wizardposter on tumblr. i can tell her favorite banned wizard council spell is greater baja blast.

-but mostly im interested in the areas she sleepwalked in. im pretty sure i saw dead dreamself terezi or nepeta and karkat with a knight of blood godtier outfit but no eyes, indicating he's dead. and ofc gamzee and equius but he's still alive. wait he's wearing glasses so i have no idea. I thought this is one of those dream bubbles thing but im even more weirded out with dead godtier karkat. is the void is more of a place for abandoned possibilities? or did i just mistook things over here? rose was there but somehow thats to be expected. she's trying to awaken roxy right? what will roxy do with her access to the void? what will she stole from the depths of the abyss?

-and dirk. wonder what he finally saw at the skies of derse. he's the prince of heart right? the only heart player i know is nepeta and we never really see her powers in action. i cant wait to see whats in store for him. also, he's actually gay? AND A BRONY???? A BRONY??? i mean yea he fucking love puppets but we knew that since act 1. i have no idea how he became friends with everybody like he cares but he's also abrasive as hell to everyone, esp when he likes the guy a LOT. im so sorry for jake.

-jake is a lot more naive than john. which is saying something. and an accomplishment because he's like constantly hunted by literal monsters and death robots. everyday he's fighting demons barehanded but stay silly. i wonder how jade and jake could even get to know each other like, theyre not even in the same timeline.

-and UU. who the fuck are they? is it lord english minions trapping the kids? or what here? They look nice and cheerful but im very skeptical here. couldnt wait to see more of them

[lizziesquire]

bar study diary no. 23948

can you believe that we've gone from high school diaries to college diaries to law school diaries to now bar study diaries???? wild.

but not feeling at all sentimental today but a lot . crummy. it could be that i finished con law today and it was a lot of learning about shit that the supreme court overturned and got rid of for and with no reason whatsoever, including but absolutely not limited to roe—and it's just fucking bonkers, how off the rails this illegitimate roberts court has gotten, even though it's always been this unprincipled and going after our constitutional rights... this is the first time that it's ever been so brazen, ever since the confirmation of fucking barrett, and i'm just . aw;eoifj so fucking tired at having to pretend like everything is okay and that this exam is valid that this profession is valid that this degree is valid and i just feel. very, very down

and i think it could also be that i just miss high school, when all of my friends were nearby and life wasn't as complicated and even though we were delirious from ~3 hours of sleep every night, struggling to keep up with everything that our outrageous school threw our way (including those "got sleep?" t-shirts that, in hindsight, were so fucking egregious of the school to be selling, completely complicit in just how brutally sleep-deprived and over-stressed we were as children!! children!!!!!!) and esp that i felt as if i could be 100% me with my best friends . not that i'm ever not me—i'm always me, and unabashedly so, and maybe sometimes too much, but .

my friends in my life, now, even despite being folks who will become life-long friends—i just . feel like i have to do so much mothering and emotional labour and . we just speak fundamentally different languages, and i just . miss being on the same wavelength as the people in my life, with friendships being more effortless, and not me constantly trying to balance trying to meet their emotional needs but also being firm about . hey, wear what you fucking want—who cares!!!! about your instagram feed. who cares what shoes you'll wear to that one event. who cares if we don't get a calculator on the bar. who cares. who cares. who cares. and i know that i should be more patient, that anxiety is real, don't i know it, but . after years of being understanding and patient and trying to figure out ways to gently prod towards taking actions with more self-confidence, i'm just . a little bit tired and a lot exhausted

i think, that at the end of the day, i just miss you a lot. our dynamic is strange, now—where we used to talk all day, every day, from the moment either of us opened our eyes to when one of us would fall asleep, just that. constant stream-of-consciousness where we go from . patents to ridiculous reddit posts to baudelaire to the peerage system to some inane details about some legal academic... i miss that. i miss us. but at the same time, i just. i wonder how tenable it is, as different of people as we are. i'm here, planning this bar trip without you, and it feels strange. it feels wrong. it was always supposed to have been us, and it makes me sad and frustrated and yet, maybe this is the way we find ourselves on different paths, to different lives

and these fucking shootings. i . awoekjld having known that bruen was going to come down this term, having been terrified of it, every day. and then it coming down the day before roe. then all the mass shootings in its wake. these "justices" are directly responsible, idec, idec, idec

i just want to be abroad. i feel so much guilt for leaving my parents for two whole months in the last summer of my life, but . i am so excited to finally traverse my way through europe, taking every covid precaution possible. i'm so excited to see my family, return to the motherland after 20 years, 20 missed birthdays, 2 entirely new human beings, my cousins, whom i've never met in person before, despite them being 10 and 4, respectively; 1 missed funeral of my grandmother; so many missed family moments, chuseok, holidays.

i a;woiefj. i'm just tired. today is a heavy day. but i am blessed, and i am lucky, and i am loved and am lucky to love.

[vahanians]

answer all in detail I dare you this is for reminding me of dmmd

you’re never gonna let me live that down are u smh

EE here we goooooo

1: LOL no but i do think you’re a freak if you outright hate cats. theyre not doing anything to you they’re just chilling and you dont know how to read their body language. i get not liking dogs bc they can be scary but people who hate cats are always like “cats killed my parents and burned my house down so i think they should all be put down” like shut up freak

2: i think skin care is a scam tbh all u need is sunscreen if you’re gonna spend time in the sun but other than that just use normal water and soap ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i havent ever had issues with my skin w this method especially since i stopped wearing makeup. u dont need a 10 step routine with creams and serums you’re just spending money you could use elsewhere

3: i cringe everytime this is brought up. i think a lot of claims have roots in misogyny but i dont think its an actual axis of oppression and im tired of hearing about it

4: i dislike political lesbianism on an intimate level. there’s nothing wrong with wanting to center women in your life but you cant choose to be a lesbian. sexual orientation doesnt work that way. and a lot of political lesbians/lesbian feminists are just plain old homophobes who are disgusted by actual lesbians

5: love it wish i could live my life completely separate from men!! i think women should center women in their lives/surround themselves with other women. whether its only having female healthcare providers, having female educators, coworkers, friends etc; i think its incredibly important and more women should be less afraid of it

6: as a so-called gold star i dont understand the hate tbh if anything there should be more support for lesbians so they dont need to ~explore~ with men or force themselves to be with men. in a perfect world all lesbians would be gold stars because we would feel safe and comfortable in our sexualities from the get go

7: i think centering your feminism on your sexuality is a little silly. we have different experiences but we should be focused on liberation for ALL women. i think we have different priorities and i know hetfems can be extremely homophobic which is a huge problem. but like we’re all women so

8: personally? i get it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ not only should women be able to access abortions for any reason, i completely understand not wanting to bring another male into this world. could u imagine having a male baby who grows up to be a pornsick patriarchal piece of shit? id kms

9: while i get the desire to ~go back to nature~ i think its kind of bullshit. we have science and medicine for a reason so get your flu shot and quit expecting elderberry syrup to be a miracle drug. ntm a solid majority of health supplements and herbal remedies are NOT fda approved so they’re full of toxic shit and like sawdust its not as healthy as you think it is. also preservatives good i like my junkfood tyvm

10: pastel blogs no but age regression? yeah tbh i dont understand wanting to treat yourself/be treated as a literal child when you’re a grown adult. its very icky to me and i do think that a good majority of it is fetishization of children/childhood its gross. you can like cute stuff and kid stuff without being a weirdo freak about it

11: bad i think all polyamory ppl are just looking for “ethical” ways to cheat on their partners with no repercussions. if you arent satisfied in your relationship you need to take a look at yourself and not go “oh ig i just need to fuck more people then”. polygamy is bad and used (esp in fundamentalist sects) to dominate women and keep them subservient to men all polygamists die challenge

12: i think veganism is an extremely restrictive diet and treating it as the be-all end-alll of moral superiority is just insane. humans are omnivores and beyond that, a lot of the vegan staples come from unsustainable and exploitative farming practices that put real workers at risk. also i think a lot of vegans are straight up annoying like shut up people like meat. we should be focusing on sustainable and humane farming practices not eradicating meat from our diets entirely.

13: ohhh i hate this question but??? i think gay men. from my experience straight women are so disgusted by the idea of lesbians and our attraction to women whereas gay men can understand where we’re coming from bc they face the same kind of attitude from men- we’re degenerates who are perverted and disgusting for being same sex attracted according to straight people

14: im not straight so its weird to answer this but tbh? i think its a good idea. protect yourselves from men who will hurt you and abuse you during the most intimate moments of your life, and protect yourself from stds and the dangers of pregnancy at the same time. tbh if all women went on a sex strike i think men would straight up die and thats a good thing

15: NOOOOO i hate this lmfao femmes are lesbians and even if they wear makeup/perform femininity it doesnt change that. tbh i dont get it and think all women should break free of the prison of femininity but that doesnt make them not lesbians

16: i think its fun! we need more magic in the world tbh and if that means you believe in astrology or crystals then good for u. if im being honest i have tarot decks that i use and its a good way to see your questions/issues in a different light. plus its fun. dont we all wish magic was real in some way? its when it trumps your respect/belief in actual science that it becomes a problem. ur crystals wont cure your mental illness but they can make u feel better wrt the power u place on them

17: eesh…..i want to say yes, but i also always want to point to rachel held evans and female pastors etc and go see!! women are taking back power in religion!!! its just so difficult because for a majority of history religion HAS been used to oppress women. i think if you’re a woman who is interested in religion you need to find women who share your beliefs & standards and find your community with them and not the church as a whole. re: a biblical perspective a lot of the stories do involve women in a way that isnt as shockingly misogynistic. there are stories of women among jesus’ disciples, stories of women rising up against their abusers & against corrupt men in positions of power etc i think its important to remember that the bible is first and foremost a document with its own historical context, one that comes from when women were little more than property and that its authors themselves were from that time as well

18: i guess? in the way that people can be shitty about bisexuals. but its not an axis of oppression in the same way homophobia/misogyny is. no one is banning bisexual marriage theyre banning homosexual marriage.

19: okay ): all jokes aside it might be immature but it can be extremely funny. i am not immune to 12 year old sense of humor

20: as an adult i feel weird about it like if youre a young teen im not gonna follow you/interact with you and i think we should all be more considerate of that. but if theyre being racist/homophobic/misogynistic being a minor isnt gonna save them from being told what theyre doing is shitty. we also need to be aware that kids learn from the adults around them so we have a responsibility to be good role models regardless of what we may think about it. there’s always going to be moments where we interact with minors so we need to make sure we’re instilling in them good values and confidence within themselves, ESPECIALLY young girls

21: bad. being a gay man doesnt make you not a man and means you still need to do the work when it comes to misogyny. you arent a women and shouldnt treat womanhood as a costume or a fun little jokey joke you can use on a whim.

22: why do they look like that. why are they so often so misogynistic (using derogatory terms for women, calling each other fishy etc). its never as respectful as drag kings are, it seems like theyre using ramped up and obnoxious performances of femininity to hate and mock women

23: if normal healthy sex isnt enough for you youre a freak who needs therapy tbh especially if your kinks are violent and degrading its just not healthy and im afraid you’re going to use it as an excuse to hurt and violate women. plus the idea that anything can be a kink is just microlabeling to an extreme. wanting to be praised during sex isnt a kink its normal. being attracted to hands isnt a kink theyre just nice looking and you appreciate the human body etc

24: i dont condone the usage of slurs in any context

25: what the fuck is this LMFAO??? OH WAIT is this like…the discourse around dating bi women bc some people think theyve been ~tainted~ from their experiences with men?? thats just bad and misogynistic lmfao

26: i think it can be dangerous for women (stds the risk of pregnancy how men use it as a tool to hurt and force women into submission) but i dont think its inherently degrading like blowjobs are

27: NO LMFAO THEYRE GAY i hate this way of thinking butch/femme is a huge part of lesbian culture and its irritating for it to be discounted. imitating heterosexuality would be like. sucking on strap (ew) and etc not simply just being butch/femme

28: um. i dont see the need just leave them alone. your pubes are there to protect your vulva theres no need to put product in them in fact it defeats the purpose. quit putting unnecessary products near your vulva people wtf

29: i dont think it exists lol i think there are people with little interest in sex people who have low libidos for one reason or another etc but especially from reading about how asexies describe wanting sex/seeing other people its just a product of extreme compartmentalization of sexuality. plus the idea that everyone who isnt asexual just wants to bone everyone they see is so ridiculous its laughable. in my personal experience i called myself ace as a young teen bc i didnt relate to conventional descriptions of attraction bc um i was just gay and we all experience attraction differently

30: not the ones who arent white i mean i have a horrible uscentric worldview that comes from being raised in the us so…but i think if you’re white you’re white but there are europeans of all heritages and races just like theres us americans of all heritages and races. but like youre not not white just bc ur italian yk?

[forestryfae]

i dont. understand. when are they expecting us to be able to do laundry. i have an hour in the morning i guess but i physically cant get myself out of bed unless its absolutely the last minute and they dont wait for you to hang up your laundry, theyll just drive away from you.

theres also an hour right after i come home from work but generally i need it to change clothes or shower and to regain some of my energy.

after dinner theres like 2 hours but jesus christ i JUST got back from work and i share laundryday with another guy, i have no idea how much laundry hes gonna do

then theres a meeting every other monday and a dumb bullshit hike that takes like 2 hours then were back around 7:30 or 8 i think and generally after a long tiring hike where noone waits for you so you dont get even one break even tho your legs are burning there isnt much energy for laundry. and then theres that one meal we get afterwards as a reward or whatever for the hike and then at 9 they lock the laundryroom.

so theres like 1 and a half hours there too ig but who has the fucking energy. we need showers too. and to eat. so like yeah theres like a few hours here and there and one load of laundry takes half an hour with the big machine but thats still a very tight schedule. esp considering they REALLY want us to go on the hikes cus its An AcTiViTy ThAtS gOoD fOr YoU.

like. i have limited energy and i only have so much time in the day. i can only do so much in one day before i run out of energy and i need to be allowed to be tired and need to rest too. i dont function well on tuesday evenings specifically because im exhausted. its why i take wednesdays and fridays off. i need the extra rest and time. like. idk how to even explain it without sounding lazy and whiny and kinda pathetic for not being able to do a million things a day back to back. but i actually need time to decompress and shit. idk.

the point ismondays are a shit day to do laundry, i dont want to do it on wednesdays cus i like to have time off but im expected to clean my room the millisecond i wake up and im more often than not woken up with "good morning, what are you going to do today, i think you should do laundry and cleanyour room" like thanks now i cant get out of bed until 12 and i cant do anything i was planning to do cus yall wont stop fucking pestering me if i dont do whats expected of me every single minute im alive, and they never fucking check when i actually do clean and usually cleaning my room results in 'you missed a spot'. like why even botver. its so fucking stressfull and i dont know how to stop bekng stressed and when people try to help they make it worse and itpisses me off so much, i hate having people mess witvmy stuff and moving shit around and touching fucking dirty clothes then moving clean stuff.

like jesus christ im allowed to be tired. i need to be allowed to have hobbies and free time that doesnt result in my brain being occupied by being pissed cus someone told me what im Supposed to do instead of just allowing me to fucking do what i need or want to do. like can i get five fucking minutes where i dont feel guilty cus i dont shower fast enough or i dont mop the floor fast enough and i dont walk fast enough and im not strong enough to just do shit without ever getting tired or needing rest.

were not even doing real therapy rn, i wanted a psychologist and i still havent gotten one, i wanted to talk to the economics guy and i still havent been able to, i cant talk to anyone who isnt my primary contact and i have no idea how to even reach out to her plus shes not always working so i dont always see her, and like. a lot of the time i feel like whatever i say is just Too Emotional and its not actually worth the time but my guy my parents have been treating me like i dont deserve to exist in front of them since i was a fucking toddler and when i got bullied in school my parents thought that was my own fault for getting angry that i was being treated like shit. i didnt fucking grow up with people who cared about me unless it suited them, im fucking allowed to be upset and confused and terrified and worried about shit. it makes perfect sense that i dont understand any fucking thing and im struggling so fucking much. i should be getting help and getting rid of the shitty fucking house and getting diagnosed and maybe even medicated. i should be in fucking therapy and i should be talking to SOMEONE about shit instead of sitting in my room crying every weekend cus i dont know whats wrong with me and im starting to get worried that im just too fucked up to be fixable or atleast able to be liked by people

in other news the laundrymachine was taken and theres stuff hanging to dry cus the people working here did laundry today and now i have to wait until saturday and i have like 2 tshirts and 2 pants and one bra and one sweater thats clean and that will not last until monday

[soov-archived]

you are active and thats good because i am too. i know but its just getting hard for me too sleep. like during the start of lockdown i used to sleep at 2 am or 3 something like that then wake up at 7 am for my online classes.

while that routine became a habit of mine, i started having mood swings and went into depressiona nd it took me two fucking years to come back to the right schedule but once again here i am doing the same mistake twice.

and i hate myself i do anything mistake twice !! for real. but my head touching your chin?? *gets butterflies in my stomach* my gay mind is flustered rei 💕 omg....

and another omg... because i had images ymof someone being fair and having brownish dark hair colour so i guessed it was you.

wolfcut is actually a sexy haircut. i wanna get it on my short hair too ^^ so what are you gonna do today?? i have not much to say but you gotta tell something you wanna spit out.

so do one thing, keep a read more thingie and just rant what you want. let your whole heart out and just let your mind be free and if there's nothing bothering — that would be a good sign because you're healthy.

— 🐈‍⬛ (my hype girl, thabks for treating me like a baby 🥺 when you said to take rest, i felt it. but thanks for worrying/thinking about me rei baby)

i feel u :/ the pandemic was awful to everyone, but i'm so so proud of you for overcoming all these things!! and u shouldn't hate yourself for doing the same mistake twice, esp when it's about unhealthy habits!! u'll learn how to get rid of them completely with time, though you're doing amazing so far!!!! :))

GAY MIND IM SOBBING LMAOO i'm pulling everyone 😻😻 YOU SHOULD DEF TRY OUT A WOLFCUT!!!!! i'm sure it'll be beautiful!!

i'm currently at someone from my church's house (the parents of the girl who i taught the hot choreo), and my brother's friends & my bsf also came over!!! we ate lunch and now we'll eat dinner tgt :D

thank u for worrying kitkat :( i think i don't have anything to say bc (thankfully) my year ending was v nice, but i appreciate it <33 you can always vent to me too!!! love you <33

[viscountessevie]

I love the racism and sexism shown towards Edwina and Kate, esp. by white book fans:

They are mad that Edwina isn't simply a cheerleader for Anthony and Kate and instead is allowed to be angry. They also complain that she was too soft or naïve and they really don't like brown girls outside of stereotypes.

Also, there is a clear misunderstanding of Kate's role, especially in the context of her being the eldest in an Indian family (I'm black but similar dynamics) and mad that she isn't as 'gentle' as she is in the books.

FACTS ALL AROUND!! Honestly racist and sexist fans need to get the fuck out of here. There is NO place for your bigotry here especially not on this blog and if I ever get a hint of it in my DMs or Asks I will block you anons, just a warning for anyone wants to throw hate at me or my fave characters for having unpopular opinions about Daphne being a r*pist and me disliking Penelope as a character and her arc direction.

[It gets long more under the cut:]

Also those Kathony 'fans' who are being horrible about Edwina, I do not claim them, you cannot be a TVWLM fan without loving Eddie as much as Kate loves her. And yes the writers fucked up the Sharmas sister's relationship and bond but I still love and adore my Sharma girls and I hate hate that the writers pitted them against each other. Honestly Eddie cannot catch a break with the fans; if she's too soft or naive, she is a doormat and not her own character but if she's brash and loud, oh no go back you cannot be allowed to be angry and mean to Kate, you're a bitch Edwina. It's a double edged sword if she shows ANY type of emotion. It fucking sucks and it's exhausting and a real world issue a lot of brown girls like me face. Everything we do is criticised but Penelope can commit hate crimes and Daphne can literally r*pe someone and part of the fandom still celebrates them, I see you racist side of the fandom I see you.

Also about Kate's role: OHMYGOD TELL ME ABOUT IT and partially I will fault the writers for not explicitly explaining why Kate has this sort of an armour of a personality when it comes to the image she projects to the world, but rather its implied and to picked up on by POC fans who have had that experience of being the eldest child in a POC household. While white fans are ignorant to this very specific experience that we all go through.

So since the writers did a SHIT job of explaining it, I'll do it myself: Basically Kate is VERY similar to Anthony in the sense that she was parentified. If Mary had been more present like she was in the books, I don't think Kate would have been as badly parentified as in the show. I feel like in a way Kate took it upon herself to fill her father's role and parent Eddie alongside Mary and Show!Mary just never noticed because she just saw it as Kate being a good older sister. But like come on Mary, Kate gave Eddie her whole education - where were you?? Of course their show versions now have a parent-daughter relationship than sisters.

And it's fucking awful because they took away Mary's role within the Sharma family unit by adding on to Kate's eldest daughter burden to be a surrogate mom to Eddie. I am once again asking what the fuck was wrong with her storms and parent deaths being her trauma?? But nooo, Kate had to become the head of the household as if Mary isn't right there!!

Anyways I digress, and as a blanket statement I need people to know for this next section, I'm drawing from my own experience as a parentified eldest Indian daughter and so if you had a different experience as the eldest Indian daughter feel free to add on!! I just want yall to know I'm NOT speaking for ALL eldest Indian daughters.

Okay so basically Indian eldest daughters are way more parentified than Anthony ever was (not to compare but the shit we went through is so much more intense than Ant's story because mans was never whacked by Violet when he messed up) because in some cases like mine, our parents are always working and we'd end up babysitting and spending most of our time with our younger siblings more than our actual parents do. So automatically and unconsciously we end up parenting and raising our siblings. This shit starts young too, it didn't matter we had a helper to help with chores as a kid because she was helping keep the house clean while I had to mind my brothers.

It's just such a heavy burden to bear. And I would say for Kate its even heavier because she had to self-teach or at least sneak into the royal family classrooms to learn about all the things she taught Edwina. Even if she didn't teach Eddie all the 5 languages she speaks, she had to find a way to get Eddie those language books and practice with her - so on top of teaching herself all of these skills to depart to Eddie eventually to train to be the perfect debutante. On top of all of this - god knows where Show!Mary was - she had to raise Edwina because it is implied that like Violet, Mary was grieving and absent. WHICH IS THE WORST COS KATE HAD TO PUT ASIDE HER GRIEF AND MOVE ONTO MAKE SURE EDDIE WAS THE BEST and of good marriageable standards for the Marriage Mart.

Katharine Sharma (no I refuse to use her show government name - it's not real and it shows the writers didn't put an ounce of research into it) had roles upon roles and duties stack upon her (yes most of it she took upon herself but that's not the point I'm trying to make rn) with no one to share the burden with and she never really seemed to have grieved her father properly. She seemed like the type who threw herself into helping and raising Edwina instead of taking the time to grieve with Mary.

I don't know who needs to hear this, so due to all of this, OF COURSE she's not "gentle", she's traumatised and mentally ill! And this asshole who is not in love with her sister - who wants a love match - is trying to marry her, duh she's gonna be mean to him and protective over Eddie. People who criticise and villianised Kate for not fitting into their pliable white self-insert image of themselves, can fuck right off!! She is not responsible for the version of Kate you had in your head. She is her own person and very much Indian and this is gonna be hard for some of yall to hear but she's not for you and doesn't always need to be relatable to you.

That being said if you do see yourself in Kate, I love that for you!! But those of you who complain she's not nice or 'Kate from the books' anymore, of course she's not Kate Sheffield, she's Kate Sharma now and I still love her. I'm sorry you don't love both versions, it must be a sad existence not liking the new and amazing Kate Sharma that Simone Ashley brought to life.

Anyways, if yall read til the end, thank you so much for reading and @minim236 babes thanks for sending this ask!! Sorry I went off for a bit ahahah I just needed people to know this blog will not tolerate any Kate hate or slander.