#after that I Do Not Lie she and i just hung out at the mall for the next eight hours LMAO

[todayisafridaynight]

Underrated Sibling Moment is actually mitsu being like ‘i dont want to go back to the captain alone are you insane’ after ichi fumbles the loan collection and ichi has to ditch him for a few hours and mitsu can only kill time and Not think of The Inevitable until they can go back to sawashiro together as if that’ll save them from The Inevitable like if you get it You Get How Real That Was

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

You Call It Madness But I Call It Love

Chapter 15: What Do You Know About Love?

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy.  This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter fifteen of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 6.5K (I got carried away again)

Warnings: References to sex, Cursing, Angst, Crying,  Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, a little OOC, Soldier Boy is really all you need as a warning.

Note: This is told from the Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. Reader is described as "curvy" occasionally. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

**************************************

Present Day *Reader POV*

The shopping bags that hung from your arms would have been heavy for the average person, but for you it seemed like a bag full of pillows. It was the day after you saw Rosemary and said goodbye. Despite the almost excruciating hangover you had this morning, because it'd been almost forty years since you last had a drink, you dragged yourself to the mall to try and find outfits for your trip to Russia. You were satisfied with the few outfits you found, but you were worried because the plane left in a few hours and you were no where near ready.

Mentally or physically.

As much as you wanted to go help Ben, you still were apprehensive about the whole situation, not just about going in blind, but wondering what the hell you were going to do when you saw Ben. You wanted to hold on to your anger, but you were afraid that the moment you looked into his green eyes you would forgive him.

I am not going to forgive him. I'm going to break him out then tell him to fuck off and I never have to see him ever again.

Despite your apprehension, you knew that you had to do this, that you had to go help him even if you still hated him because you couldn't bear the thought of the boy you grew up with being tortured over there all alone. It was the alone part that hurt the most. You knew how much Ben hated being alone. He never had to say it out loud, but all the time you'd spent together in your bedroom before and after the injection spoke volumes.

Of course you still had no idea where you were going, but figured that if you went to the Kremlin you could get some answers, which meant you'd either have to lie your way in or just kill anyone in your path. Which would be messy, but necessary. You try to shake off the guilt of exposing yourself again and what that could mean for Rosemary and Lou. You made sure that Rosemary knew to pack a bag for herself and for Lou and told her to wait for your call.

You wanted to be there to escort them out of the city, didn't want to split up and have them get snagged while you were waiting for them at the rendezvous point, so you told Rosemary to take a few days off and lay low.

When you get to the outside door of your apartment building toting the bags, you notice that it's been broken, as if someone tried to pull it off its hinges.

Well that's great. Hopefully the building manager noticed that.

Your mind drifts back to Ben as you step into the elevator.

What if he isn't alive when I get there? It was an unwelcome thought, but it meant that you wouldn't have to talk to him.

 Maybe if I knock him out when I get there and just leave him in a Russian motel somewhere, I won't have to talk to him. You pause. Will he want to talk to me? 

The memory of the last time you spoke flashes through your mind bringing an unmeasurable amount of rage and heartbreak back over your body. The dam you built to keep out everything that happened was reaching capacity, especially given the recent events with Countess, and you knew that the moment you saw Ben it was going to burst open. You hoped that you'd be able to keep it together long enough to get out of the lab or wherever the hell he was being held, before you lost it. But it was doubtful.

As you walk down the hallway to you apartment, you notice that your front door is open and you stop walking. Apprehension spikes at the back of your mind as you examine the door. The lock is broken and  door is cracked just enough for you to hear people talking inside in hushed tones. You creep forward and look through the crack.

You've got to be kidding me. You groan to yourself noticing Butcher and Hughie standing in your living room.

Great. Just what I need. Right when I'm going to leave they show up. Guess that explains the mystery of the broken door downstairs.

You think about walking away, of going back down the elevator and hoping that by the time you come back they would be gone, but you knew you had to face them and you still had to pack. So you push open the front door of your apartment and step into the room.

"You know when I called saying that I had something else to say about Soldier Boy, I assumed you would call, not break into my apartment." You sigh before moving to the right side of the counter that divides the room between the living room and the kitchen and depositing the shopping bags on the stainless steel top.

"Maybe you shouldn’t leave your apartment unlocked poppet. Anyone could walk in." Butcher replies with a grin.

"Hmm. Sure. You guys here for more coffee?"

"Go shopping did you?" Butcher ignores your snark eyeing the bags.

"Yeah I needed a few new outfits for my art show next month." The lie is easy, but you know that the sudden appearance of the two of them probably meant you were caught red handed. Of course now with everything that happened with Countess, you didn't care anymore if Butcher and Hughie knew who you really were. "You doing okay there Hughie?" You raise an eyebrow as you notice how his heartbeat has spiked since you entered the apartment.

"Good." He says, but he looks uneasy.

Well, guess he's afraid of me now.

"Huh. And here I thought you were replacing your jacket." Butcher throws your ruined jacket onto the floor between you.

You look from the jacket to Butcher. You hadn't bought a replacement and hadn't wanted to throw it out. You were still hoping that the scorch marks looked like you had "distressed" it. It didn't and you knew that, but you loved that coat so much.

"See, I think it’s a big coincidence that Countess got right fucked after we came and talked to you." Butcher smiles.

"Probably the same coincidence as Gunpowder dying before you showed up here the first time." You breeze with a tight-lipped smile.

Where was he going with this? Was he here to kill me? You think about what Legend said about Butcher killing supes.

"That looks bad." Butcher gestures to the jacket. "You have a little spat with your good friend?”

"Let's just say she said a few things that upset me." Your eyes skate from Butcher to Hughie sizing them up. "If you're here to kill me, you're welcome to try. Oh sorry,  'arrest me'." You make air quotes around the words. "But we both know you're not government agents, you reek of Compound V and the last time I checked there was that whole, no supes in the government thing."

"Wouldn't it have been easier to get this out of the way the first time?" Hughie asks.

"I didn't want to be involved." You shrug your shoulders.

"Then why you'd buy a plane ticket to Russia?" Butcher takes a step towards you, but you hold your ground.

You weren't afraid of him.

"I hear it's nice this time of year. Not too hot, not too cold. Very pleasant." You snap back at him eyes narrowed, before you look down at the antique watch on your wrist. "Look I'd love to have a heart to heart, but I just don't have time to do this little dance with you. So we can either get to the part where you try to kill me or-" You raise your gaze from the watch to glare back at Butcher, but then your eyes focus on the hallway behind him and your heart stops.

Ben is standing there in the shadows looking at you the same way he always has, with those wonderful piercing green eyes that makes all other memories of them be put to shame. He's dressed in modern clothes, wearing a dark green shirt that hugs his perfect muscular chest and is the same color of his suit, your favorite color and the one you can never look at without thinking of him because damn it, it's also the color of his eyes. He looks the same, but different. His hair is longer and darker than it was the last time you saw him and his cheeks are covered by a trimmed but thick beard. It was unusual given that you'd never seen him with more than just a little bit of stubble and annoying because it makes him look even more ruggedly handsome, but despite the piercing way his eyes follow you, you can see a haunting memory of the last forty years.

You're upset that the one of the first thoughts you'd had beside staring at him open mouthed is that you wished you were wearing something more flattering than one of your pairs of paint splattered overalls over an old band t-shirt. You were going to Russia to get him and yes maybe you were shopping for things that you could move in, but you had picked out a particular revenge outfit that you believed would make Ben regret everything he did to you and also might have been paired with a particularly badass set of boots that made your legs look very long. The outfit that made you feel beautiful and sexy was unlike the one you were wearing at the moment. Also because you hadn't brushed your hair today and had just stuck it up in a messy bun at the back of your head.

You're struck with the urge to run to him and kill him at the same time, but you can't move and you can’t think.

Apart of you believed that you would find him dead in Russia, a sad thought but it meant that you wouldn't have to relive everything all over again. Everything that went to shit the last 24 hours you spent together that you relived with Countess the other day and now you were reliving when you looked at him standing there looking better than he should.

Because damn it, only Ben could be tortured in a lab for the past 40 years and walk away looking like a GQ model. I've never hated anyone more.

"Ben?" Your voice is no more than a hoarse whisper.

Ben pushes past Hughie and Butcher, taking careful steps towards you like he doesn't want to scare you away. "Y/n." The sound of your name on his lips fills you with an inescapable amount of warmth.

Traitor. You think to yourself at your body’s reaction.

He's standing so close to you now that you can smell the same shampoo and aftershave he always used and it brings back memories of the nights he spent in your bed with you laughing and talking like nothing had changed making you feel alive again for the first time in forty years. Before everything went into the blender set to puree.

Ben's eyes trace your body like he can't believe you're standing in front of him making you wish again that you're wearing the outfit you picked out so that you could look as good as he does. And just as he raises his hand towards your face you remember why you hated him, remember that night, remember what Countess said that caused her to lose her head.

Your hand flashes out so quick you don't think Ben notices it until it lands with a resounding slap against his cheek that sends him reeling back from you. Your strengths were similar, almost identical, and if he hadn't been invulnerable it would have ripped his perfect jaw from his face.

"What the fuck was that for?" Ben snaps, green eyes blazing as he looks back at you.

"You've got some nerve coming back here after all these years." You spit, the anger rising in your chest with wings of fury that beat against your ribcage. "Did you really think that you could just say my name again and make me forget everything that happened Benjamin? I am not one of those trashy women that you used to fuck and the fact that you think you can show up here, give me the fucking puppy dog eyes, and think that I’ll swoon, is ridiculous!”

There goes the dam.

Your gaze levels on Hughie and Butcher who look just as stunned. "And you two. Why did you bring him here? I didn’t want any part of this!”

"Why did you pretend to be dead!" Hughie shouts back.

"Did you think that maybe that was me trying to tell you that I didn't want to be involved? Or are you two just that fucking stupid?"

"Why did you buy a plane ticket then?" Butcher asks again, raising an eyebrow.

Ben is watching you with anger burning in his eyes. It's difficult for you to look at him. Every time you do you think about your last night together, the morning after when he pushed you away, and finally the night where he ripped out your heart and stomped all over it.

How did I ever think I could look at him again when I got him out of Russia?

"Because even though I hate him. He doesn't deserve that. The Ben I knew would have come to get me, and I wasn't going to leave him to rot in some fucking Russian prison." You snap back. "Now get out of my apartment."

"Sweetheart-" Ben begins to say.

"No. No. No. I don't want to hear it from you. Nothing you can say can make this better. I’m glad you’re free or whatever, but go. Get out." You push past him, but Ben's hand flashes out and grabs your wrist with enough force that you feel the bruising of your skin.

"No." He towers over you.

"Let. Me. Go." Your eyes narrow shifting to bright purple. The entire room begins to tremble, the glass windows shake in their panes and the glass jars full of paint brushes on your studio table begin to clink against one another. But he doesn't remove his hand.

"Not until you listen." Ben's own green eyes have hardened into a emerald.

You latch onto the wrist that is holding you and break his grip, before spinning and throwing him backward across the room away from you. Ben's body flies past Hughie and Butcher who watch with wide eyes as he hits the back of the couch and pinwheels over it with a loud thud as he lands on the cushions. You would have rather thrown him into the brick living room wall, but you restrained yourself.

"I don't want to hear anything you have to say Benjamin. You said enough that night and apparently you were saying lots of things to Countess about me. So get out." Your eyes skate across Butcher and Hughie. "All of you."

Hughie is still watching you with wide eyes, like he can't believe that just happened.

Join the club kid.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Ben shouts, standing from the couch and straightening his clothes. You don't need to be a psychic to know how angry he is. In fact, you're surprised he's not throwing you out the window or at least throwing a punch. Ben didn't tolerate it when anyone put him in his place and it definitely looks like it's taking him an extreme amount of effort not to attack you, given the way his hands are clenched into fists and the way his jaw is tensed so tightly you can see the muscle flexing.

"She told me what you said about me. That you threw me a pity fuck because you felt sorry for me, that you were bored when we had sex because I was so inexperienced."

"It's not true."

"Isn’t it?" You're trying desperately not to cry, but the angry tears have already begun to well up in your eyes. "The last thing you sad to me was that I was pathetic and that you never would love me, never could love me. That you fucked me because you felt bad for me and you wished I would just fuck off. That I was just another warm pussy and that I meant nothing to you. So forgive me for not believing you."

"Oh shit." Butcher mutters under his breath.

"Damn." Hughie echoes.

"I know what I said to you, Y/n. I've spent the past 40 years regretting it-" Ben begins to say, but you interrupt him.

"Oh I'm so sure. The Great Soldier Boy actually has a conscience, let me just alert the media." You spit back. "Oh wait, sorry you wouldn't want that getting out would you Ben? Because that would mean you aren't a man."

"Y/n-" He growls.

"You don't get to come in here and apologize and act like you did nothing wrong. You're not here because you feel sorry, you're here because you want me to dote on you, to follow you around and give a shit like I did for 40 fucking years.”

“Y/n-“

"Stop saying my name like that!" You shout and the glass sugar dish on the counter flies off the counter and smashes into the floor sending shards of glass everywhere.

Hughie flinches.

"Like what?" Ben exclaims.

"Like you care." You cross your arms over your chest staring him down because you don't want to keep crying.

"I do fucking care about you-" Ben snaps running his hand through his dark hair frustrated.

"No you don't. You never did. You’ve made that perfectly clear.”

"Yes I do."

"Please stop talking."

"What else do you want me to say?" Ben shouts back, moving towards you. "I'm trying to fucking apologize-"

"I don't want you to say anything and I don't want to hear your half-assed apology! I want you to leave. You and your creepy friends." You gesture back to where Hughie and Butcher are watching with open mouths, who are unsure if they should leave or watch the show.

"They're not my friends."

"And neither am I! Which means I don’t have to listen to anything you have to say!”

"Y/n please-" His teeth are gritted together.

“I'm not some fangirl Ben. I was your friend, your friend before any of this. Before any of this fucking supe shit. I cared about you. I had been in love with you since I was 8. I had taken care of you since the night we met." More tears squeeze down your cheeks as a lifetime of happy memories before everything went down the drain wash over you. The wonderful times you'd shared together at the park, in your bedroom back in Philadelphia, dancing in the dancehall,  at baseball games and Ben walking you home all the while you wobbled down the street drunkenly and sang off key. All the blissful little moments that you thought maybe he felt the same way about you and then followed by the moments you spent together the night of your birthday, when you felt more special and loved than you'd ever had. It makes the knife he stuck in your back even sharper. 

"That night we spent together meant everything to me. I thought it was special and I thought you loved me. But you don't. You just fucked me because you were bored and you found the first person who said yes.” Your body turns away, but he grabs you by the shoulders to make you look at him.

"I do love you damnit!" He shouts. "I didn't want to-" Ben's jaw clenches in frustration, looking back at Butcher and Hughie. "Can you two just fuck off?"

"I wish you all would." You say, trying to loosen his grip on your shoulders, but he doesn't let go. You think about throwing him across the room again, because it made you feel a lot better.

"Fine. We'll be outside." Butcher says tugging Hughie away.

"Are you sure?" Hughie asks looking from you to Ben as if he's worried to leave the two of you alone.

"You want to be here? Because they're either going to kill each other or start fucking." Butcher responds.

"We are not going to start-" You begin, but they're already out the front door of your apartment leaving you alone with Ben, who is still holding on to your shoulders.

"Please listen to me." Ben says looking deep into your eyes. "When you said that you loved me it-" He stops looking for the right word as if he can't say the next ones that come out of his mouth. "Oh fuck it, it fucking scared me. Okay?  It scared me, Y/n, and damnit I'm not a pussy! I'm not afraid of anything!"

“Oh no you could never be a pussy could you? Soldier Boy could never admit that he had real feelings for someone.” Your voice wobbles, tears trailing down your cheeks as you poke him in the chest to emphasize every word. “And now you’re just saying what I want to hear, because you want to have another quick fuck!” You push your hands against his chest trying to push him off of you, but he won't let go. "You're just saying it because its been forty years since you had sex and you thought, huh might as well find the most pathetic person I know, Y/n won't say no if I pretend to be everything she wanted again."

He doesn't mean it. He doesn't love me.

"I’m not lying to you! And I’m not pretending! I wasn't pretending that night either!” Ben roars so loudly you flinch. “That night I felt things with you that I had never felt with anyone else. It wasn't cheap sex or a quick fuck-" His jaw tightens as if he's embarrassed to admit it. "Damn it.” His teeth are gritted together. “We made love. I understood that when I woke up the next morning and I was happy to be there with you. I knew that I loved you and I wanted to tell you, but I fucked it all up instead. I fucked Countess because I was scared of what loving you meant. But I’m ready now, I’m not scared anymore. I love you!”

He's saying everything you always wanted him to, but you're scared. Scared that he's just saying it, that he thinks it's what you want to hear and this is the only way that he can get you back into his life because he needs someone to follow him around, because he can't be alone.

You stand there for a minute taking in his stance. His head is slightly bowed in shame, shoulders tight, body leaning towards you. But then you catch his eye, you see the sorrow, frustration, and pain in his gaze. Ben was not big on sharing feelings and for him to admit all of these things aloud was shocking enough without the obvious emotions flashing in his eyes. It was so different than the stoic or pissed off attitude he usually had when he was Soldier Boy. The look in his eyes is so earnest and Ben has never been a good liar, not to you anyway. You always knew what he was thinking.

If I forgive him then what does that mean? I forget the past 40 years like they never happened? I forget all the tears when he broke my heart? Forget how broken I was? How broken I still am?

You think of all the times you missed him, all the times you forgot about what he said to you and remembered the good, all the times you wanted him there with you and Rosemary because you knew he would love to be there. All the early memories together, all the missions, everything that lead up to the falling out and Ben’s supposed death. Ben's admission of guilt and his confession of love for you was shocking. Especially because the Ben you knew 40 years ago would have rather dropped dead than say the words "make love."

No. I won't give in. I can't do this, I can't do this all over again. I was better, I was moving on, he doesn't have the right to come here and mess up my life all over again.

"No." You shout, shoving him away with all your strength. Ben stumbles backward, his eyes wide as if he wasn't expecting you to push him away, because of course he wasn't. “You don’t know anything about love. You’re just saying that because you know it’s what I want to hear, what I’ve always wanted you to say to me.”

He still doesn't understand how much he hurt me. And he doesn't deserve my forgiveness.

“I’m not just saying that, it’s true. Please y/n-“

"I don't believe you. And when I said I never wanted to see you ever again I wasn't lying. So get out Ben!" You shout.

"No. I love you and I'm not leaving." Ben says back determined.

You weren't prepared for what those words did to you. You weren't prepared for the floodgate of emotions that exploded the moment those words passed through his lips or the way it felt like you were being tugged in two different directions. Because despite wanting to throw him across the room again, those three little words made you want to run into his arms and hold him close, made you want him to take you to bed and make you forget all the shitty things that happened forty years ago, make it like he never left.

But you couldn't do it. As much as you wanted to forgive him, you couldn't because you didn't trust him anymore, you didn't trust that he could give you what you wanted.

“Too bad! I won’t do this to myself again. All I did was care about you, help you. I stood by you and made excuses for the person you became and I held on to this picture of the boy you used to be. The one I fell in love with. The one that used to climb in my window when things were hard. The one that took me to my first baseball game. The one who danced with me. The one that made me feel like less of a freak because he understood me. And the one that begged me to leave Howard and everything I knew and come with him. That night we were together I saw that boy again.  I loved that boy. I would have done anything for him and I did. But he’s not here anymore. And I hate myself for holding on to him as long as I did.”

"But I told you I loved you!" Ben exclaims.

“Just saying that isn’t enough, not after everything that happened!” You shout. "You're forty years too late Benjamin. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m exhausted and I’m going to go to bed. And I don’t want you to be here when I wake up.”

"Y/n please-" You hate how he sounds when he says it, like he's broken, because Ben has never once sounded that way in all the years you'd known him. You hate how he looks. How his dark hair is falling forward into his face and he looks so much like the boy you used to love that it makes you want to scream, because you wanted to believe that he was gone, but all you see when you look up at him is that boy. There is not one shred of Soldier Boy in the way he looks right now and you hate that. You hate that you wanted to forgive him, that all it took was him looking like at you like that. But you still can't do it.

"Just go." Your throat thickening as you say it, fresh tears trailing down your cheeks. "I don't want you here. I never want you to come here ever. I never want to see you again.” You lie pushing past him and walk down the dark hallway, slamming and locking your bedroom door behind you. Your body sinks to the floor as you pull your knees up into your chest, sobs shaking your body and tears pour from your eyes.

How many tears can I spend on one man? How do I still have any left after all these years? How could I have been stupid to think that I was over him? That I could just go to Russia, break him out, and then push him out of my life so easily? None of what just happened was easy.

Your face presses into your knees. You want to call Rosemary, call her and tell her what happened, but your phone is still on the counter and you couldn't go back out there, because you knew he was still there. Standing in your living room looking too perfect after all these years and saying all the things you always wanted him to and you don’t want to go out there and forgive him.

So you stay. Your back pressed against the door, crying into your knees and hoping that this will just all end.

Because it’s got to one day right?

***************************************************

*Soldier Boy POV*

He hadn't meant to reach for you, but all he wanted was to feel the gentle swell of your cheek beneath the palm of his hand, the smoothness of your skin against his rough fingertips, and to memorize the planes of your face with his touch. You were even more beautiful than he remembered. Your curves perfectly accentuated by a pair of cute paint splattered overalls that made him smile, and your hair pulled away from your face in a messy bun but still made you look effortless and striking. When he saw you standing there, it was like taking a punch to the gut. He knew that he missed you, but seeing you there warm and alive made him want to crush you against his chest and never let you go ever again.

He had laid himself bare before you, allowing himself to push through the urge  to shove all his emotions back beneath the surface as his father taught him, and spoke, instead, the words he wished that he had said all those years ago.

Ben's shoulders tense when he thinks of what you shouted back at him, how broken you looked. His heart falls into the pit of his stomach when he remembers the tears in your eyes. Ben hated it when you cried. He also hated that the first time he saw you in forty years he made you cry, again.

He didn't know how to fix this. Ben thought that his apology would be enough to make you at least try to forgive him, but it hadn't. You had shoved him away from you, refused to let him touch you or comfort you-

Why is she so damn stubborn? I apologized! I told her that I loved her! Isn’t that what she wanted?

He grits his teeth together thinking about how you threw him across the room like he weighed nothing. If anyone else had done that to him, Ben would have killed them, but he knew that he deserved it. He knew you would be mad, but he thought that you would at least want to hear everything he had to say instead of cursing him out and slamming the door in his face.

When you slammed your door behind you, he had stood outside of it for an hour listening to you cry, heard your soft muffled sobs. At one point he leaned his head against the door and wished you would let him in so he could hold you while you cried, even though the thought made him feel like a pussy. He wanted to comfort you. He wished you had forgiven him, allowed him to take you to bed, allowed him to show you how sorry he was and how much he loved you. He wished that you let him help you forget the last shitty forty years that you spent without him, forget what he said and what he did to you that night. 

The harsh words you yelled at him make him flinch, when you told him that you didn't want him there and never wanted him to come back. They were the words that he always feared you would say to him when he climbed in through your window at night or when he showed up at your apartment when you were still on Payback. And hearing you say those words felt worse than anything those Russian fucks did to him. Because Ben didn't know where he belonged if he wasn't with you, he didn't know what to do if you weren't in his life, you were the only thing that mattered.

How could I fuck this up this much?

Ben looks back at the clock on the wall in the kitchen which shows he'd been there for three hours waiting for you to come out of your room, but you hadn't. He knew it was because you fell asleep, he could hear your heart beat, your soft breath against the pillows, and the almost silent sounds you made when you slept. They were exactly the same as when he would fall asleep next to you and damn it he didn't realize how much he missed them until this exact moment.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. How do I fucking fix this?

Ben stands from the couch and walks down the hallway for the millionth time to stand outside your door preparing to knock, but he didn't know what to say. He thought that he'd said enough, but judging by your reaction he hadn't.

The thought of saying anything else was difficult for him to swallow. It was hard enough to say what he had to you, but he was realizing he was going to have to delve even deeper to make you even look at him again or want to be around him. 

Finally he goes to the front door of your apartment before he looks back down the hallway. He didn't want to leave, didn't want you to wake up and him not be there despite what you said about wanting him to leave. He wanted you to understand that he wasn't going anywhere and that he was never going to leave you ever again no matter how hard you tried to push him away. But he needed to leave now, not for long, just long enough for him to get what he needed.

He had seen the florist shop on the corner when Butcher drove up. As Ben walked down the street in the direction of the florist he remembered the conversation he had with Butcher after you slammed your door in his face. Convincing Butcher to let him remain in the apartment was difficult, but finally when Ben threatened to rip Hughie in half, Butcher relented stating that he would give Ben one night with you before he came back. That was the deal anyway, Ben had lied, because like hell he was going to leave now that he'd found you again.

Ben wasn't planning on leaving and  even if you couldn't stand to look at him, Ben would not go. Even if it meant sleeping on that shitty couch every night.

He would never leave you again.

The smell of the flowers wafted out of the small shop when Ben opens the door, his eyes skating across the numerous bouquets, each one more extravagant than the last. Other women would swoon over them, but not you. His eyes fall first on roses, but he turns away. He knew that you didn’t like roses, although many believed them to be classic, Ben knew that you thought over the years that roses had become generic and overused. He of course had sent some to numerous women over the years, but he liked that you were different. He always liked that about you. He rolls his eyes when he remembered when Howard bought you some every week.

Because of course that asshole didn’t know what y/n liked. No one knows her as well as me.

The man behind the counter eyes him when he walks in. "Can I help you find something sir?"

"No." Ben says gruffy looking at the displays again, but then he sighs. "Do you have any lavender?"

"Lavender?"

"Yeah." Ben knew it was the only thing that you would accept, knew that it was your favorite because it reminded you of the house your family rented over the summers up North. Ben hated those summers. He'd break into your bedroom and sleep in your bed while thinking of you and reading the letters you sent him over and over again, the ones that you pressed fresh lavender into and the ones that made him realize just how much he needed you.

Those of course weren’t the only letters you ever sent him. When he went to boarding school he’d wait for you to send him a letter and one of your doodles or a small painting. He kept every one in a cigar box under his bed. It was why he was kicked out of boarding school number nine, a fight he had with another student began because the student had found the box and then proceeded to mock Ben endlessly by passing around the letters you sent him. Ben had never told you what the fight was about.

Ben stops as he realizes how he’s going to get you to listen to him.

“Here you are sir.” The florist reappears at the counter holding a large vase of freshly cut lavender.

“Do you have a phone I can borrow?” Ben asks.

“Sure.”

The object the man hands him is not a phone, well not a phone that Ben’s ever seen before.

“I said a phone-“

“That is a phone?” The man looks confused.

“How do I fucking call someone with this?” Ben sighs shaking the black rectangle in his hand and looking for the buttons.

The man takes the object and swipes his fingers across it before handing it back to him so Ben can see the numbers to dial. “Just push what you want and hit the green button.” The man says, looking at Ben like he's crazy.

“Oh. Thanks.” He mutters, before dialing the number and holding the phone up to his ear.

Legend answers on the first ring.

“Hey it’s me. Do you still have all my old shit from my apartment?”

“Somewhere.”

“I’ll be there in 10 minutes.”

******************************************

N/A: Why not end on a cliffhanger? This chapter is a bit longer, because this week is CRAZY for me and I'm not sure when I'll be able to write the next chapter. But I'm not giving up on these two. They deserve the world.

Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you guys think. If you'd like to be added to my taglist, please let me know :)

Taglist: @roseblue373 @anundyingfidelity @cheynovak @cassiecasluciluce @muhahaha303 @deans-spinster-witch @kayleighmeister @demodemo909 @fruitfacess @bobbobbobinogs @bughill126 @simplyfixated @sleepjam @tiredstrangerr @freefallthoughts @onlyangel-444 @lov3vivian @mxltifxnd0m @mayafatimakhan @marvel-mistress @my-obsession-spn @lifeonawhim @soldirboy @liuope @brynanna @abramswife @xxannyxx @babyinatrench-coat1 @the-gentle-spirit

[maxislvt]

All I Want For Christmas Is You

Summary: You're the greatest gift Wanda could ask for.

Warnings: Stalking, obsessive behavior, smut, sex toys, overstimulation, collars, and references to bondage

A/N: I get to have a treat for myself!!!

Event Masterlist

❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆

Humans were creatures of habits. They had to be up by one time, showered by another, and off to work by the next. If not, they'd fall into stress and have a number of issues following them. You were a perfect example of that, unknowingly so.

Wanda couldn't blame you for not noticing. After all, she went out of her way to keep her control over you subtle. You did not need to know about the camera hiding in your apartment and how she watched you sleeped. All you had to do was appreciate it. Be thankful by living life with all the benefits being under Wanda's watch came with. Being as oblivious as you were, you did that happily.

When you tossed and turned restlessly during the night, you let Wanda talk you to sleep. You never questioned how she magically knew when your period cramps had gotten the best of you and would bring you snacks. You were just thankful for your girlfriend and everything about her. Wanda was easy to open up to and you appreciated that.

Which is why you were avoiding her like the plague for the Christmas season. As much as you loved her, her understanding of you made it near impossible to keep secrets from her. You didn't even make it out of the house to go shopping before you were met with your first obstacle. A simple phone call.

"Hey, sweet doll! Where are you going?"

The honey sweet voice filled your ears and you almost forgot about your entire mission for the day. "Oh, nowhere! I'm still at home actually!" You were thankful your voice didn't give way to your lying. Unfortunately, lying to a woman who had cameras in every nook and cranny of your house was actually impossible.

Wanda made a face of disappointment. You never lied to her before. Something had to be wrong. "I can hear you getting in the car. Wanna try that again?" She looked down at the monitor in front of her. It was funny watching you pout and squirm while trying to come up with another lie. "Come on, I just want to know where my baby is so they're safe. I promise not to laugh if you're going to Baskin Robbins again." She laughed at the frustrated huff coming from you on the other end of the line.

"I'm not going anywhere important and I can't go to Baskin Robbins again because I haven't been this week!" The outburst was short and your anger, if it could even be called that, fizzled out almost immediately. "Sorry…I love you, I'll be back home soon." Before Wanda could accept your apology, you hung up the phone. It shocked you to see Wanda hadn't texted you or called you back after your abrupt hang up.

The lack of another call was but a wolf in sheep's clothing. Wanda was already getting up and prepped to follow you the second you lied to her about where you were going. A simple tracking app was all it took. Wanda was rather confused about why you felt the need to lie about going to the mall, but she elected to watch and follow you before making a move. Your girlfriend took the opportunity to sneak as many pictures of you as she could. It wasn't until you entered her favourite store that she started to put things together.

You had always been obsessed with getting Wanda gifts. When you two first started dating, they were little handmade things. Maybe some cookies you baked or a collage you just finished. Wanda's gifts were always much more expensive. All you wanted to do was match the quality of gifts. That was near impossible considering Wanda had almost an endless flow of money from her parents and you weren't even allowed to have a job anymore. This added to Wanda's confusion because you weren't paying with the card she'd given you and there was no way you would've been able to afford what you bought.

❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆

Christmas day had arrived shortly after your little outburst and you were so proud of yourself. As far as you knew, Wanda hadn't found out your master plan. When Christmas Eve rolled around, you were buzzing with excitement.

"Open mine first! You gotta!"

Wanda laughed at your excitement and kissed your cheek. "No, you know my rules. You open mine first and then I'll open yours." Wanda looked down at you only to be met with your greatest weapon, puppy dog eyes. A defeated sigh escaped her lips. "Fine, but you're opening all of mine immediately after." She sat down on the couch and opened the rather hefty box. Her eyes nearly popped out of her head. Inside the box was a number of toys Wanda had only dreamed of using on you. Rope, anal plugs, and even a leash. "Baby, why'd you buy a leash with no…" Her words died down in her throat as you handed her a second box.

"Somebody on campus owed me a favour so I had them make this in return." You mindlessly played with your hands. "I mean, you always say I'm the best gift you could ever ask for so I decided to buy something that would make me better." Your face grew hot as Wanda carefully examined the collar. No more words could come out of your mouth. Part of your brain had been overcome with lust and the part was completely terrified.

Wanda's dominant hand carefully guided you down on your knees. Her hands carefully wrapped the collar around your neck and attached the leash. At first, all she did was tug at it a few times. She shuddered hearing your pathetic whimpering and soft whines. "You really know how to ruin me."

A small yelp escaped your lips when Wanda roughly pulled on the leash and forced you to sit in her lap. You were helpless as she groped you through your pyjama shorts. "Ah, but what about the —"

"Shush, you can open yours in the morning before we go see your parents. Just let me play with my toys first." Wanda's fingers teased your slit before doing away with your bottoms entirely. She grabbed the first toy she could feel. "I know that little clit of yours is really sensitive, I promise I won't be too rough on you."

You moaned softly as Wanda pressed the vibrating wand flush against the bundle of nerves between your legs. No amount of squirming could protect you from the strength of the toy. Wanda made sure to pull you back in place if you got too far away from her. "That feels so good," you slurred out. The slight choking from the collar intensified all the stimulation.

Wanda swirled the toy around your clit and harshly bit your neck. "Cum whenever you need, but I'm not stopping until I've had my fix for the night." Your desperate cries and needy moans only furthered her addiction to your pleasure. "That's it, you know those pretty noises I like to hear." Wanda refused to take the toy off your clit no matter how much you begged.

Overstimulation quickly became too much for you and frantically tried to push Wanda's hand away. "No, no more! I need a break." Your hands defensively covered your cunt.

Wanda clicked her tongue in disappointment. "I guess we'll have to use those pretty little handcuffs you bought."

[goodluckclove]

The Archivist no. 1 - Control

so fuck it i'm trying this anyway. here's a long-form, but ultimately singular piece i wrote trying to process the singular Terrible Event of my upbringing. if unaliving stuff is triggering for you now you shouldn't read this.

i'm not going to do this that often because it's nice to work things out in my head but holy shit this was weird to come back to. if someone finds it relatable in that oh hey your shit sucked too and you survived huh?? way i'll get into it again at a later time.

otherwise uh. yeah. enjoy? legit though read the tags before you do this i don't want anyone freaking out.

The Archivist no. 1 – Control

Mom wasn’t sleeping much in the nights before she killed herself. It wasn’t unusual given her rampant insomnia. Dad would pass out in the bedroom, and I would come out of my room at the end of the hall tin the middle of the night and find her watching bad crime dramas and reading the news on her iPad. I didn’t sleep much back then either, I guess.

Sometimes I would sit with her for a while, but the shows didn’t interest me much. Mostly I’d make a joke and continue to the kitchen to grab a snack before going back to my bedroom to keep on writing. I was almost sixteen years old and I had completed two novels that stood, unread, on an elephant’s graveyard of abandoned projects. So it goes.

Near the end of summer I came down with some sort of head cold. I woke up in the middle of the night, feverish and frustrated, and went out into the hall to see if Mom would be awake.

Time flickers and I’m lying on the couch with my head in her lap. She’s stroking my hair. She’s telling me that in the morning we’re going to go out in the mall and she’s going to buy me new pants. I don’t know why she told me that. I don’t know if it was a lie. She solved a lot of problems by shopping for clothes, so it sounded like something she would say. Mom even insisted in a voice that hung quiet in the dark that we would go to Macy’s, a rarity when she only ever bought my wardrobe from Goodwill.

I believed her then because I was a child and I loved my mother. I was sick and I loved my mother. I was looking forward to her buying me new pants.

Did she know then? I don’t know. She’s had two rounds of electroshock therapy since then, so the memory has been thoroughly wiped from her brain. It’s just gone. That moment exists solely in my own recollection, which is barely better than it never existing to begin with.

Later that morning she left saying she had some errands to run. I didn’t think much of it at the time. I had no way to, really, being that they had me on nine hundred milligrams of Seroquel at the time – one hundred more than the recommended dose for an adult man. The mornings left me in a sticky daze and I usually wasn’t able to gain any lucidity until a few hours after I woke up.

Once that happened I felt a little stirred by the circumstances. Mom had errands? What errands? She didn’t do the grocery shopping, she had my brother and I make that trip every week. She didn’t have a job or friends to meet. More than that, her agoraphobia crippled her at times and made leaving the house for anything a feat. But no, she just let for errands and told me that as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

I told myself it was fine.

When I texted her a few hours later she didn’t respond. I called her after that and she didn’t answer. I think I called her a few times.

She didn’t come home at all that day. I remember feeling the dread clinging tight to the top of my rib cage like something toxic just about to drip. It was a feeling I didn’t know how to communicate, and in retrospect I know now that it is a deeply-rooted instinct from my childhood. The warped insight that tells me that, when Mom leaves under mysterious circumstances, or when she leaves after you make her made – she’s going out to drink.

But that couldn’t be it. Mom was sober now and proud of it. She marked her sobriety date as Cino de Mayo and laughed every year at the irony. Mom was sober now. Things were different.

Dad came home from work and I was lingering in the living room, standing guard like an anxious animal. My older brothers were in their bedroom, on their laptops, no knowledge of the panic I was feeling.

Dad greeted me and asked where Mom was. In a voice that mimicked neutrality I said that she left to run errands. He took that with a nod and went to the backyard. I don’t know why he did that – he wasn’t smoking anymore, but by this point he might’ve been using e-cigarettes. Or maybe he was just enjoying the evening air. I just know I was sitting inside the house, very aware that the only other adult I knew was outside, and my mind was racing.

Do I tell him? Should I tell him?

Eventually I opened the sliding glass door and stood in the kitchen until I drew his attention. In my imagination he sees the look on my face and knows that something is wrong. I don’t know if this is true.

“You have to look for Mom,” I said.

He did. No questions asked. I didn’t linger over that at the moment, but thinking now I know that must mean that he understood what was happening. He wasn’t surprised.

Mom had no intention of taking me to Macy’s.

I don’t know what I did while he was driving around looking for her. I don’t really have a clear playback of finding out what happened. The extent of my trauma has severely limited what I am able to remember, and for this specific part of my life what I know happened now is influenced heavily by the many times my Dad recounted it to me.

A few years later he took me for ice cream and we sat in the parking lot to eat it, staring out at a night bathed in orange streetlamp haze. At one point he put his cup on the dashboard and pointed.

“You see that motel?” He said, drawing my attention to a nondescript line of buildings. “That’s where I found her.”

He recognized her car in the parking lot. The manager didn’t want to tell him what room she was in, (“I bet he was worried I’d catch her in an affair,” he’d remark darkly) but I imagine he explained the situation and got the help he needed. Apparently they found Mom after she took all of our medication. Well, I don’t know if it was all our medication. I just know that she had taken my psych drugs, as well as my dad’s and her own, and decided to mix them with a six pack of beer.

Did someone specify it was beer at some point after that? I don’t know why I would know that. I also don’t know why I would assume it was that over any other type of alcohol.

My Mom took my medication to end her life.

It didn’t work, though. Dad told me later that she died for a little over a minute.

I told them I was worried about taking more Seroquel than both of them put together and they promised me it was very hard to overdose on Seroquel.

Was she counting on that? Or did she forget?

I never liked anything at Macy’s.

At some point I found out that Mom was stable and in the hospital. She was in a coma. In my head I have a memory of standing at the kitchen counter and watching my father call Kaiser to get a new supply of all of our medication. He wrote them all down, every name and their proper dosage. I listen to him speak kindly to the pharmacist on the other end of the line.

“The thing is,” he explains, “we packed to come home from vacation, and our luggage got lost on the flight…”

Inside myself is a vacancy so haunted that ghosts are too afraid to dwell there.

Dad ends up sleeping on the couch. He does not want to sleep in an empty bed. He tells me that he will leave in the morning to go back to the hospital, but he just wants to get a little bit of rest. Once he closes his eyes I slide a quilt above his sleeping body and put on a Jim Gaffigan stand-up special that I only process every third word of.

I don’t know where my brothers are in this memory. I am not thinking about that when it is happening. I’m thinking of my father, and my mother, and how if I didn’t tell my father to look for her he might’ve waited and ended up too late.

Years later I will learn that my father never told my brothers, or my older sister who lived on her own, that Mom tried to kill herself. I can’t bring myself to say tried – she succeeded, and was only brought back by the marvels of medicine. While I am thinking of my mother’s death none of them have any idea what is happening.

I am the one that told my siblings how our mother died for a moment years prior. We learn at the same time that they had no idea. When I ask my father why I was the only one he told about her death and not them, he told me that I agreed they shouldn’t find out.

When did this happen? I was fifteen years old and I have no knowledge of this conversation. Was I there? Or was only my body present and he decided that was enough.

Mom wakes up after three days. My sister joins my brothers and myself and we drive to the hospital to visit her. I can’t imagine what I am feeling. Maybe everything, maybe nothing. I remember riding up the elevator and going down the hall, and then my brain skips again and I am standing at my mother’s hospital bed.

She looks sick and she looks the same. There are tubes. I think she’s probably sedated. She is my mother and I love her and she took all of my medication to try and kill herself.

“Why did you do it?” I ask her, voice soft. I am trying very hard not to cry.

Mom smiles. I don’t know if this is true. She smiles as if doesn’t realize that she didn’t stay dead. When she speaks her voice wavers, faint and weakened.

“I didn’t feel – like I had control,” she pauses to catch her breath. “So I did this...and now I do!”

She is pleased like a child presenting an interesting leaf. My mother is proud of what she was able to accomplish. In some part of my brain that hasn’t fully learned how to speak up enough to defend itself, I absorb the knowledge that she has told me something that will ruin me time and time again for the rest of my life.

All of that is gone now. Mom doesn’t remember, and Dad has decided that it is our job to make sure she never has to.

I wonder if he heard what she said to his child. If he is able to process the deep, permanent damage his wife has done in two simple statements. A sympathetic part of me says that I wouldn’t know what to do in his shoes either, but is that true? I’m not sure.

Pull the child aside in the hallway of the hospital. Take them by the shoulders and lean in close so you have a semblance of privacy.

She is sick, I would say. She is unwell and she is lying. When she is like this, you do not have a mother.

Most of the time I do not have a mother.

When I am in the psych ward after my own suicide attempt my parents are the only ones I allow to visit me. I love my parents and my mother sometimes offers to take me to Macy’s. My Dad crafts little notes like cootie catchers written in red ink. I peel tangerines from the bowl in the cafeteria while they tell me what the dog is doing. He does not treat me like I am sick. Perhaps he considers me more suitable for survival.

I wonder if Mom does what Dad did to me in the parking lot with the ice cream. Does she press her palms into the sheets of her bed and think this is where my child came and told me they tried to drown themselves.

She probably doesn’t. I don’t think she remembers anymore.

I don’t think about the night Mom killed herself as often as I used to, and when I do I don’t really feel anything anymore. As I heal I’ve been warned that things might emerge, and that time might actually make the memory more vivid instead of distant. I don’t know what to say to this. When the possibility emerges I just tell myself that all of that is gone now. It isn’t real.

By this time next year my parents will have no way to find me. I’ve taken control my own way – not through death, but by cutting them off entirely. Whether that is something they understand, or even remember, is not my problem anymore.

[meet-me-backstage]

⎈

𝐅𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐓𝐨 𝐄𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 ⎈ 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐭 𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐥

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 🦇 Eddie Munson x Fem!reader

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 🦇 You get dragged into the unfathomable events at Starcourt Mall by your hopeless crush on Billy Hargrove and new-found middle-schooler friends. You struggle to cope with the trauma which gradually costs you your popular cheerleader reputation when you return to high school for senior year. Though this loss first appears to be the end of the world, you learn that there's worse things than levelling down in popularity.

Though even in darkness, there is always a light - for you this is Eddie Munson, who you gain an unlikely friendship in and fall for him in the process.

𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒔𝒍𝒐𝒘 𝒃𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒍𝒐𝒕𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒖𝒑𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏𝒔, 𝒔𝒎𝒖𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚 𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈!

𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 🦇 smoking, mention of and consumption of drugs, horror themes, violence (in the upside down and probs Steve losing another fight (•̀ᴗ•́)و jk jk he's king), mention of and consumption of alcohol, mention of and a near death experience, death, nightmares, bad language, blood, bullying, mention of vomit and vomiting, some domestic (mainly verbal and emotional) abuse(‼️), mention of suicidal thoughts, mention of suicide, mention of self-harm, allusion to eating disorder and smUUT so you have to be 18+ to read this series❗️

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 🦇 4.8K words.

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 🦇 allusion to eating disorder, domestic (verbal) abuse and mention of a near death experience.

𝐃𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐚 𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 - 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞, 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝, 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲, 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠!

𝐋𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲, 𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐅𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐓𝐨 𝐄𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝! <𝟑

⇜ 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝑻𝒘𝒐 ⎈ 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲

🦇 𝟏𝐬𝐭 𝐉𝐚𝐧𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐲, 𝟏𝟗𝟖𝟓 🦇

You are as still as a statue on your bed, staring into the darkness of your floral wallpapered room while you listen to the noises outside... soon you hear the front door open and shut, mumbles, Alex and Rebecca are home. You wonder what they think of you, what all the popular crowd at Hawkins High would think of you after tonight... you wince.

About ten minutes after you can hear your door creak open, you just know that it’s Rebecca checking to see if you’d made it back home - you quickly shut your eyes to avoid any contact.

The feeling that is left, the anger, it had become tired - it feels like a hangover and once Rebecca leaves you fall asleep until morning.

You look blankly out of your window, watching as the sunlight beams into your room through the curtains. You rub your eyes, taking a look at the Tiger emblem for Hawkins High on a flag hung up on your wall.

You want to rip it down - it reminding you of Billy and your screwed reputation, but you are way too tired to do anything that requires climbing furniture.

You sigh, honeycomb cereal sounds really good right now. You journey downstairs, it feels like you are travelling an extremely dangerous route to find treasure. You silently celebrate as you grab the honeycomb without any obstacles. You turn on your heel, your arm deep in the box of honeycomb and your hand grabbing a handful of it.

"Oh god - look at the state of you," It is your mom, now stood in front of you. She scarily looks down at the box of honey comb and then at your chipmunk-like cheeks that is filled with the stuff.

"Mom, please," you whine, "I had a really horrible start to the year," you sigh shakily. You couldn't lie - your tired brain couldn't think of a logical one for why you look the way you do, why you are stuffing your mouth.

She looks at you in disbelief, you avoid her eyes and stare at the curlers in her naturally dark hair, "Never-mind that - your tights!" Her eyes flicker downward at the ladders and rips in them from falling onto the sidewalk when Eddie pushed you away from probable death. She looks disappointed, a look you are used to getting from her, "Did anyone see you like this?" She gestures towards your outfit, your 'state'.

The words 'Eddie Munson' - it is like you physically can’t say them, not only because you don’t want to cause him any trouble, but because your mom would be even more ashamed if you told her that he'd been the one to cause the rips in your tights, "I - a few people at the party - this wasn't Billy... we didn't-," you blush, lowering your voice and you gesture at yourself, "Someone saved me from - being hit by a car-."

Your mom covers her face with her hands, "I am going to have to spend all afternoon trying to fix them for you."

Your face drops as she completely disregards you telling her that you had almost been roadkill last night, "I can - just get new ones?" You suggest, pointing your thumb over your shoulder before shoving your hand back into the cereal box, eating some more honeycomb.

"No - you won't get the right pair for yourself. Knowing you, you'd probably buy a basketball instead if I gave you the money," she rambles, suddenly snatching the honeycomb away from you , "And give that here, you fat pig - you'll tear them even more if you keep stuffing your mouth with junk!"

"Mom!" you whine again, stumbling backwards onto your ass. You stand back up, fiddling with your hands... ashamed of yourself, scared, "I - gave up basketball years ago," you mumble shakily, shrugging... defeated.

She still doesn’t trust you, you can tell - but you don’t stay long to hear the rest of what she has to say, but you do hear her say as you run upstairs: 'Why can't you be just like your sister?'

Why can’t I? I tried, but clearly not hard enough.

You stand in front of your closet just staring at the clothes in front of you - most of them had once been Rebecca's.

Your eyes lock with the only dark item of clothing in there - Mason's leather jacket, he'd given it to you as an 'I'll be back' token, it was one of his favorites and you never wore it because it was so much bigger than you, even now - you can’t wear it anyway, knowing your mom would rip it off of you and chuck it away.

You grab some of your hand-me-downs from Rebecca - a mustard sweater with a terrier dog on it, it was colourful with sequins, with some denim shorts... they were once stuffed at the back of your closet, you hated the sweater, still do, but mom had put them on hangers, trying to encourage you to wear it.

You consider climbing out of your bedroom window to go to Starcourt Mall, but figure that if your mom and Rebecca saw you in this awful outfit, they'd see that you are trying to be good after your behaviour last night.

You walk down the stairs. Rebecca is at the table, as is Alex and they both turn to look at you - Rebecca stays silent, it’s like she doesn’t care... like your mom.

Rebecca takes a sip of her black coffee, awkwardly looking at you from above the mug. You walk to the front door, choosing to put on your pink sneakers rather than your favorite, the black chunky boots.

"Are you okay, little miss?" You hear behind you, it is Alex - out of all three of them. Alex cared and spoke up most of the time before, it’s quite refreshing because he’s been gone for so long.

You look at him over your shoulder, his blonde hair is in a tidy mess, he is still sat at the table but he'd turned slightly so that half his body is facing you. He is wearing a white tank top and some black tracksuit bottoms.

Lost for words again, you just stand there, waiting to be saved... forgiven for your behaviour last night.

"She's fine, you're skipping breakfast this morning, aren't you sweetheart?" Your mom speaks up in a sweet but ominous tone, placing an omelette on the table in front of Rebecca, who is still sipping her drink like you aren’t silently pleading for help with your eyes - you thought that her sisterly instinct may kick in, but that was something that she never seemed to pick up.

"T-that's exactly right - I'm going to Starcourt... to get new tights," you speak with abrupt enthusiasm, while reaching for the front door’s handle.

You take your lilac bicycle that has little fire and lightning stickers on the frame and cycle away... while ‘home’ is still in sight, you look over your shoulder at it - no one, not even Alex had come out to chase after you, to tell you to come back or even wish you a 'happy new year', most of you knew that they would never and had already accepted it, but a part of you still hoped anyway.

The hopeful side of you makes your eyes water, but you forcefully wipe them away on your shoulders before shaking your head and using all of your leg power to get to the mall as soon as possible before anymore stupid thoughts linger on the surface of your mind.

You take in the quiet sights, cycling past Enzo's, the townhall, the community pool - it is like a ghost town, everyone is probably home with their families celebrating New Years Day.

Once you reach Starcourt, you tie your bike up outside, yours being the only one there. However, it looks like the mall isn’t completely empty because there are moms and dads making their way into it with their kids, or friends together, laughing and looking forward to the day ahead. Knowing yours would be the complete opposite - bleak - you force yourself to look away... grab the tights, pay for them and go, climb to my room, be alone.

The mall is full of life, neon lights and music, a dramatic contrast to home - you find it refreshing and it makes you smile for the first time today. You look around from the entrance, it smells of ice cream which you assume is coming from 'Scoops Ahoy'... it is inviting. You’d never been here on your own, you often followed Rebecca around when she went shopping but you never really took in your surroundings. You recognise the horse miniature fairground ride because it is close to 'The Gap'... There it is - next to JCPenney.

The pink walls burst from inside of the store, it usually thrived with the popular crowd of Hawkins High, but today it is barren. Perfect. You walk into the store, being suddenly immersed in a variety of patterns, but you head strictly for the tights which are stacked towards the back of the store.

As you bend over to grab a pair of tights, you notice Chrissy between the gap on the other side of the shelf - your heart jolts, a sudden wave of nerves flow through you at the sight of her, she is unloading boxes of clothes and hanging them up. When did she start working here?!

She comes your way, putting some socks on the shelving and you pretend you’re browsing, "Can I hel- little miss, hi!" Her head peeks up over the shelving and you can only see her bright and sparkling green eyes, "what are you doing here?!" She asks, seeming nervous, but sweet as always and you smile widely as if you hadn't previously spotted her.

I could ask you the same question, "Just buying... tights," you snicker at yourself, holding up the tights in your hand. She smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes - she looks exhausted, her eye-bags prominent, yet she still stands out as vibrant as a rainbow to you, "Do you need help with anything?" You ask out of the blue.

She looks around, her eyes wide as if she hadn't expected you to offer, "But, aren't you here celebrating with Becky - your family?"

Your eyes travel downward to the white tile floor awkwardly, your cheeks also blushing pink, "N-no - no family... just me," you shrug your shoulders and force a giggle.

There is a sense of understanding that you get from her even though she doesn’t say anything in response. "Oh - well, you could help me unload boxes? I really don't want to cause you any trouble though," she pouts, holding her own hands. Her hair is tightly tied into a ponytail dangling beside her head and it swings as she speaks.

"It's no trouble... I'd love to help," you give her a warm smile, it'd be a good pass time, also she looks like she could do with the help. You hadn't spent much time together lately as you’d got so caught up with Billy, Rebecca, the parties. You realise that maybe you should've been spending more time with Chrissy instead.

Chrissy smiles, it now reaches her eyes as if no one had ever offered her help, "Thank you so much, little miss!" She says excitedly and her features suddenly brighten even more, making you feel warm inside. You follow behind her towards the stack of boxes. She has a skip in her step now, which makes you raise a brow, not expecting her to be so happy to see you, but it immediately brightens your day, "You're a life saver, seriously - it's been so dead in here today."

You kneel on the floor, emptying the boxes one by one... you are determined to help, to get something right for once - it is easy enough to figure out where things are meant to go... you share glances and accidentally brush hands, awkwardly smiling at each other - it feels so good and you decide in the midst of hanging a black shirt-dress covered with a colourful pattern of lines and shapes: I want to spend more time here.

"Closing time, Chrissy!" A female voice calls, a constant tap of high-heels becomes louder, you assume it is Chrissy's boss, "Wouldn't want you slaving away anymore when it's New Year's Da- oh, who's this?" The woman comes into view, looking down at you sat next to Chrissy, sorting through the final box. She is no older than thirty and has kind-looking features.

"A friend from school - everyone calls her little miss," Chrissy answers with a high pitched giggle. Apart from Eddie, you think. Your smile falters for a moment at the reality that Chrissy had completely forgotten ‘Tink’, the nickname she came up with for you.

The woman smiles warmly, which is not what you expected. You smile shyly, "Hi - I know Chrissy from school, bumped into her and wanted to help ou-," you began to ramble, thinking you’d be chucked out for 'disrupting'.

"It's okay, sweetie - that's so thoughtful, we could all do with a friend like you. I’m Dana, by the way," she states and takes a look around at the work that her you and Chrissy had done, "Impressive - you two got a lot done in little time which means," she checks her watch, "I will make it to my sister's family - lunch," she giggles breathlessly, "I thought I wouldn't make it - you are welcome back, little miss - anytime."

You hadn't felt so welcome in a place before. You can’t stop the smile on your face, knowing it meant that you can spend more time with Chrissy, "I'll definitely be back," you keep grinning at Dana and then at Chrissy, who's clapping her hands together excitedly.

"Amazing - you’re hired!" she holds her hand out of you to shake, which you take quickly, "as a token of my thanks for your help - take a pink backpack from old stock, they’re behind the counter - Chrissy can take one too!" Dana grins before letting go of your hand and walking towards the exit of the store. She looks over her shoulder and taps the doorframe, glancing at Chrissy, "Chrissy, could you shut the store?"

"For sure!" Chrissy nods.

"See you later, girls - happy new year!" She exclaims, grinning one last time, and after you and Chrissy return a 'happy new year!', she leaves.

You and Chrissy are left alone, "So-."

"So," Chrissy giggles.

You think, "So - you wanna grab those backpacks and get some ice cream?" At first she seems unsure at your suggestion about the ice cream, "If - if you don't have any plans with your family or anything-."

She shakes her head, "No - I’d like to catch up with you! ‘M gonna get the spare keys for the shutter and the backpacks - we’re gonna be matching!" she rushes towards the cashier desk and disappears behind it for a moment.

She actually wants to match… with me? She might not after she finds out what happened at the party.

With her enthusiastic demeanour, the way she giggled, almost tripping running back to you with two small and very pastel pink backpacks - it told you that she really did want to be with you and you felt even more guilty for not spending enough alone time with her, for not approaching her at her locker and asking her how her day was going, or gone to her when you found a cheerleading routine difficult...

“Here!” She giggles, passing you one of the backpacks before she slides both her arms into the straps of her backpack and you do the same with yours.

Chrissy jumps up to put the store key in the hole to activate the shutter and fails, so you decide to help. You hold the key with her, so the force of putting the key in would be doubly effective, "Okay, we jump on the count of - three," you say and she nods, you giggle before starting to count down, "One - two - three!"

You jump in unison and with your arm strength combined, you got the key in. On your fall back down, the knee that had been hurt from falling on the concrete last night hits the floor, you wince and laugh at the same time.

"Oh no! Are you okay?" She laughs nervously and helps you back onto your feet

"Still - alive," you keep laughing through the pain and she looks at you with a toothy, but nervous grin before pressing the shutter button and holding it down.

You walk together to ‘Scoops Ahoy’ with your matching pink backpacks hanging from your backs - it has a sailor-eque vibe, even the man working there is wearing a sailor outfit... he looks - ridiculous.You and Chrissy share an amused look because he does not look happy to be wearing it. He stands while holding onto the edges of the counter waiting for you to decide what you are going to have with a very serious, 'no bullshit' expression on your face.

"Mmm, they all look so yummy!" You hum enthusiastically, "Can I have two scoops of caramel apple ice cream please?" the excitement of getting two scoops makes you grin because if your mom were here right now, you’d have none at all... you wouldn't have even looked at ‘Scoops Ahoy’ because if you did, mom would’ve said something along the lines of ‘I don’t want to have to alter your skirts again, sweetheart’ or ‘I’ll have to gut you like the fat pig that you are’.

"Cone or tub?" The man asks, grabbing the scooper.

"Cone," you blurt and turn to Chrissy, who looks nervous, especially when the man looks at her after handing you your delicious-looking ice cream cone.

"Can I er - have one scoop of Strawberry, please?" She asks, her voice smaller than usual - the man, who you now know is called ‘Danny’ after reading his nametag, gives her another expectant look, "In a tub."

You look at her quizzically, but she looks happy once she has the tub in her hand, the pink ice cream had a tiny spoon burrowed into it while yours was dripping down the cone already and you slurp it up, earning a giggle from Chrissy.

"Mom would kill me if she saw me eating here," she admits straight away once you’ve sat yourselves down at a table in the parlour.

"Me too," you giggle nervously, "It can be our little secret."

She relaxes into her seat more and scoops little bits of her ice cream at a time, she keeps her head down low and you assume she does this because she doesn’t want anybody to see her... you lower your head too, at least we are on the same boat, or... banana boat - you giggle, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. Even though Chrissy has no idea why you are giggling, she joins you anyway, it’s like she enjoys seeing you 'misbehave'.

"Did you have a good New Year's Eve?" She asks, politely wiping her mouth with a navy napkin she'd picked up at the counter before she sat down.

You take a deep and shaky breath, "it was the - worst - I did - something - bad and I'm afraid everyone's either going to hate me for it," you stutter out, trying to be humorous even though you’re still hurting for your reputation... Billy - I didn't even let him explain. Chrissy's mouth is parted and you can tell that she’s aching for you to tell her what happened, like anything remotely dramatic is 'forbidden fruit' to her, "I slapped Billy Hargrove... unprovoked - so hard my hand can still feel it," your heart can too.

Chrissy gasps, "No way!" She almost drops her ice cream tub, but manages to compose herself, "Where?"

"At Tina's place - she had a party last night."

"You were there? At a senior’s party?" She asks as if it had been the coolest thing in the world to be at one of Tina’s parties.

It’s like she knew something you didn't, which naturally makes you curious,"You heard about it?"

"I - I heard that the cops broke off the party - I think because of complaints made by neighbours... including my mom, she was on the phone ranting about it ruining our firework display... the 'youth of today's noise'," she rolls her eyes, timidly mimicking her mom’s voice.

"It was probably a good thing that I left early even though the circumstances weren't... great anyway," you trail off with a giggle, "What put the cherry on top was nearly being hit by a car and pushed ontothegroundbyEddieMunson-," your voice drops in volume when you mention Eddie - I shouldn't have mentioned him.

"What - who?" She asks, her face blank and her eyes wide.

Either she didn't remember Eddie or you’d spoken too fast - you aren’t sure, but you are somewhat relieved that she hadn't heard.

You shake your head and focus on the blue, square tabletop, "Never-mind - it was just... a lot for one night," you take a few deep breaths, "I don't know how I'm going to walk into the school again - the thought is making me shake in my boots, you know?" The idea of being forced to confront the consequences of last night is making my heart clench with fear, I behaved so badly. You frown.

"You could - walk to school with me?" Chrissy suggests.

"Yeah?" You ask, unsure, but hopeful that the presence of Chrissy would ease any 'first day back after a holiday and hitting one of the popular seniors' nerves.

"Of course - I'm sure you'll be fine anyway, since Billy seems to be a bit of a jerk," she nods, giggling, "And that's probably putting it lightly."

You giggle and hesitantly nod in agreement, "I'm starting to see that now," it physically hurt to hear yourself say those words when you couldn’t help but blamed myself for what you did last night.

"I meet Jason outside the library at ten past seven so you could meet us there maybe?" She blushes at the mention of Jason Carver, who you only knew because he sat at the same table in the cafeteria - he is one of the basketball players that could potentially take over as captain when Steve Harrington graduates. You exchanged glances with Jason but you hadn’t yet spoken to him.

"Jason, hm?" You wiggle your eyebrows, changing the subject.

You’d noticed the way that Chrissy looked at him, the way he'd always sit next to her in the cafeteria or on a break during pep rally rehearsals. It was the same exact way you looked at Billy, except Jason definitely reciprocates the crush that Chrissy has on him - even in your current untrusting state towards boys, it’s so obvious to you and everyone else on the cheer team, who openly teased them to their faces about their crushes on each other often, making them blush.

Chrissy nods, blushing furiously now, "Yeah - he's a good f-friend," she grins, shrugging.

"Mhmmm," you drag out with a mischievous smile.

She tilts her head, grinning, "what?" Her cheeks as pink as the ice cream she'd just eaten.

"Nothinggg - he seems nice," you chuckle and shrug one shoulder, tilting your head too, playfully copying her.

Her dainty hands rest on the table, "Yeah - he's really nice, kind of mean to me sometimes - I think it's - maybe - because he - he likes me," she stutters, her brain trying to process the fact that Jason could potentially like her, she shakes her head and giggles at herself, "Do you think that he could - maybe?"

As you open your mouth to answer, to firmly tell her that ‘yes, he does like you’, you notice her looking to her right, she squeaks, "Fudge!" She ducks away from the window separating you from from the rest of the mall, "Put your head down, it's my mom!" She whispers desperately, putting her hand on your shoulder, which gives you yet another warm feeling exactly where she touches you. You notice her mom near the escalators, and you quickly duck your head too, "She's here to pick me up."

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to keep you so long," you whisper back with worry - I know how she feels.

"Don't - don't be sorry, little miss - this has been so fun," she smiles, you both have a moment where you’re just smiling before going back to panicking, "- but I wasn't exaggerating when I said she'd be mad if she saw me here."

You bite your lips together and fiddle with the tips of your hair, "Errr - maybe I could distract her while you sneak outta here - or we could sneak together. There are a couple plant pots we could hide behind?"

"Either way we're gonna look so weird to everyone else," she nervously looks around.

You nod in agreement, then you peek out the window and notice her mom sitting down at one of the benches now, facing away from ‘Scoops Ahoy’, "She's facing away and sitting down - as long as she stays that way you should be fine."

Chrissy still looks alarmingly nervous, her hands are shaking and it starts to make you think and put all of the pieces together - her mom is exactly like mine... and if her mom sees me with Chrissy walking out of Scoops Ahoy, she’ll call my mom because they were best friends before, Mrs Cunningham used to come over for tea after school while me and Chrissy used to play dolls in Becky’s room. Suddenly your heart starts to race at the risk, "I'll sneak with you, okay?" She looks up at you, "We're in this together, Chris."

She hums shakily and nods.

"C'mon, l-let's go," you try to hide your nerves as you whisper and slide off of your seat and onto your feet. Instead of standing up straight you keep the upper-half of your body low. You look over your shoulder at Chrissy, who is clearly embarrassed by having to do this and glances at Danny, the waiter, who is distracted by serving another customer now.

You act as her shield and in-between crawling out of ‘Scoops Ahoy’ and reaching the first plant pot, which is double your size, Chrissy grabs your hand for reassurance while you keep a close eye on her mom.

On your way to the next plant pot Chrissy let’s go of your hand, which makes you feel unusually disheartened... you shake it off and hide behind the next pot with her. An elderly couple walks past you, giving you both confused looks, in response you smiled shyly and wave as they continue to walk away, shaking their heads disapprovingly.

"I don't think your mom will know that we've been stuffing our faces with ice cream now that we're... here," you state with a little smile, "If she asks we'll just say we've been eating the leaves from these plants… actually - she’d probably have more of a problem with that too,” you giggle.

Chrissy laughs, her face scrunching up, "I don’t know what’s worse," I don’t know either... what my mom would prefer, "Would you come with me? To my mom? I just feel I'd be more - comfortable with you there."

"S-sure," you stutter, nervous, which she notices immediately.

"You don't have to, little miss - I'm not gonna make you," she looks worried, thinking she'd scared you - it’s her mom that does.

You walk side by side, your posture upright when you become visible to Chrissy's mom, who is applying nude lipstick to her lips with the help of a pocket-mirror. She sees you immediately after putting the mirror back into her handbag, "Ah, there you are, Chrissy," she stands up suddenly, fiddling with the skirt of her floral dress, "I was beginning to think I'd have to file a missing persons report."

Chrissy smiles, holding her own hands to soothe her anxiousness, "Hi mom - I bumped into little miss as I was shutting up the store and we er- decided to do some - shopping."

"Hi, Mrs Cunningham," you greet her with a small smile and wave as she finally decides to make eye contact with you... she’s always thought I was trouble. They used to talk shit about me over the telephone all the damn time, her and mom.

She looks you up and down, taking in the outfit that you’d chosen... you can see her approval of it because she gives you an impressed smile, "Good afternoon," she nods before looking back at her daughter, tutting and reaching forward to push away some of Chrissy's fringe, messy from our plant pot to plant pot adventure, "You don't have any bags?"

Chrissy glances at you... lost.

Your face lights up before you spin around, showing Mrs Cunningham the pink mini backpack, “Bags! We got bags!” You point over your shoulder, tapping the top of the backpack and Chrissy nods, turning to show hers too. "And er- Chrissy saw a dress that she loved - you know, the polka dot one," you nod at Chrissy, you both now facing Mrs Cunningham again - you hope you are being convincing enough.

Chrissy nods, "Yes - it was so pretty, mom," she enthuses and gives her mom the toothiest of smiles, "But then I realised the time - so me and little miss are going to go shopping again next weekend," she gets very caught up in the lie, but you can tell that the part about you meeting up again is the truth... you can tell by the 'Chrissy-esque' smile she is giving you.

"Yes - I can't wait!" You smile too, hoping she can tell between your truths and lies too... you bring your hand towards her, holding out your pinky to link with hers in hopes that she'd further understand you being truthful by a pinky promise.

You remember how in middle school she’d always pinky promise if she ever borrowed one of Becky’s dolls or one of your pencils in class.

She doesn’t take more than a second to link her pinky with mine with the same radiant smile gracing her lips.

"Lovely," Mrs Cunningham giggles, "Come along now, Chrissy - Tony and your father will be expecting their lunch any minute," she starts to walk, holding her arm out towards Chrissy, who decides to hug you instead.

"Thank you," she whispers in your ear, squeezing you for a moment and before you know it, she is walking away from you, following her mom.

Once she'd caught up with her, she is in her mom's grasp - Mrs Cunningham puts an arm around Chrissy as they walk out of the mall, leaving you stood there... alone. Though after today, you feel like Chrissy is going to be there for you from now on.

I feel less alone.

⇝ 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝑭𝒐𝒖𝒓 ⎈ 𝐄𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐞

𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠! 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞, 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐑𝐄𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐆!!!!! 𝐈𝐭'𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐝𝐚𝐲 <𝟑

𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 ‘𝐅𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐓𝐨 𝐄𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲’ 𝐨𝐫 ’𝐄𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐌𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐨𝐧’ 𝐭𝐚𝐠-𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰!

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒 ��

𝑭𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝑯𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝑻𝒐 𝑬𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒕𝒚

@sadbitchfangirl

𝑬𝒅𝒅𝒊𝒆 𝑴𝒖𝒏𝒔𝒐𝒏

@munsonology @introvertedmouse @fastnights @kathieycarrerarosshley @marjoriea13 @goldengunspinkrosses-blog @lolalanaie @neteyamsluvts

⎈

[n0vadroid]

From Strangers to Soulmates

“Babe, I’m back!” Aaliyah took her shoes off and met Robaire in the living room. “Thanks for lending me money. I really needed-”

“Why were you with Perris?” Robaire asked, refusing to look at Aaliyah. 

“P-Perris?” Aaliyah got nervous. “Oh, uh, he saw me at the mall and we just talked for a minute. H-how did you find out?”

Robaire was silent. “Gogo told me. She overheard you and Perris talking.” Robaire got up from the couch and walked over to Aaliyah. “Did you kiss him?”

“Kiss him? I-I didn’t do that!” Aaliyah yelled. “Why were you two even talking? I thought you promised to ignore her?”

“Yeah, well she found out where I lived and came over to tell me.” Robaire crossed his arms. “So did you really not kiss him?”

“Rob, why would I lie to you?” Aaliyah caressed his face. “Do you really believe that girl over me?”

Robaire stared at her. “W-well..” Robaire couldn’t help but love how Aaliyah was caressing his face. “I guess not..."

“Hm. That’s better,” Aaliyah said. “You see? She’s only trying to break us up. Only dumb sluts do that.”

Robaire was silent. He knew he should be protecting Gogo, but after she lied to him, he wasn’t sure. 

“Anyways, I’m gonna use the bathroom and then we can watch a movie or do something together.” Aaliyah left for the bathroom.

Robaire sighed. “I guess she was right. Gogo is a bad person.”

Robaire sat down on the couch and sighed. Just then, Robaire got a phone call. “Hey, man.”

“Hey,” Aaron Z said. “Are you busy?”

“U-um, no, not really. What’s up?” Robaire asked.

“It’s-It’s about…T,” Aaron Z replied.

“Really?” Robaire sat up in anticipation. “What about h-”

“Babe, I’m finished. You wanna watch a movie now?” Aaliyah asked while coming from the bathroom.

Aaron Z raised his eyebrow. “Is that…?”

“A-Aaliyah? Yeah, uh, we kinda…got back together,” Robaire explained.

Aaron Z was silent. “Huh.”

Aaliyah sat down next to Robaire. “Who’re you talking to?”

Robaire mouthed “hold on” to Aaliyah. “I-I gotta go. I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye.” Robaire hung up the phone.

“Who was that?” Aaliyah asked.

“Just Aaron Z. He wanted to talk about something, but I’m spending time with you so he’ll just tell me later.” Robaire stared at her with lovesick eyes. “So, what movie do you wanna watch?”

Part 19

[seokiloquy]

Shift Pt 3 - Kozume Kenma

Au: Regular (timeskip)

Tags/Warnings: Dual POV, use of a pseudonym (username: ForestFire) instead of (Y/N) in most cases, swearing.

Word Count:2.3k

Pt 1 | Pt 2 | Pt 3 | Pt 4

“No way.”

Uvo groaned at Kodzuken’s response. “You don’t have to stay long if you don’t want to, Kenma. But, It would be great if you came. Solarii doesn’t get to celebrate her birthday often.”

“Doesn’t sound like my cup of tea.”

“But talking with strangers online is?”

Kenma sat silently, but the clicking of his keyboard could be heard through the phone.

“Okay, look. There’s going to be maybe 12 people there, max. And only a bit of it will be filled. You can avoid the camera if you’d prefer. We just want you there.”

Kenma remained silent, thinking over the possibilities of what could happen. Likely, he ends up tucked away in the corner, trying to call for Solarii’s dog to keep him company or play video games on his phone. The latter of which seemed a bit more enjoyable.

“We’ll be playing Mario Kart and other stuff!” Uvo sang in a final attempt to sway Kenma’s mind.

“Who’s gonna be there?”

“Uh, well, Solarii, of course, me, Forest—”

“I’m in. Send me the details.”

“Aweso—”

Kenma hung up, going back to his game.

As Uvo gathered everyone and everything for Solarii’s birthday, you were tasked with distracting her for the morning until you got the okay text to bring her back to her apartment. After a full day of streaming, so she could take the day off, she was desperate just to go home and relax.

You tugged at her wrist, dragging her behind you while she slouched, long black hair hanging like curtains in front of her face. “I’ll buy you a dress, candy, cute cat ears or something, please! Just spend an hour with me!”

She let out a tired laugh, standing straight so that she could rest her forehead on your shoulder. “Can we just sit down and eat fries or something?”

“Fine,” you sighed. “I’ll get you all the fries you could dream of!”

“It's so early. How are you so loud?”

“It’s mid-day.”

“Early,” she groaned, letting you drag her to the mall’s dining hall, where she sat, head flat against a table with her eyes closed while you got the fries.

With the moment to yourself, you checked your phone.

<Tawny and Dust are here, Ken is on his way, and the rest are getting food.>

You huffed, heat blooming in your lungs as if you could breathe fire. Uvo and, by association, Solarii were great socialisers. Making friends and lasting connections everywhere they went. Including Kenma.

<How long do you think it'll be? Sol wants to go home.>

<Give us 30 minutes>

You weaved through the crowds of people to return to the table where Solarii looked like she was napping, but at the sound of your chair, she perked up. Immediately jumping on the bag you placed on the table.

She practically moaned the moment she got a bite.

"You're in public, Sol."

"You brought me here. Deal with it."

Your phone buzzed in your pocket, leading you to quickly pull it out and check out the text from Uvo.

<Ken's here!>

"What's that?" Solarii tried to peek over the top of your phone.

You scramble, forcing your phone back into your pocket. "Nothing!"

"Can't fool me. What was it?"

"Nothing! I promise!"

"Liar, you're lying to me!" She lifts herself up, trying to reach over the table to get in your pocket will her greased fingers.

"Fine! Fine, stop it!" Your mind races for something to fill the lie. "It's just a stream notification."

She glances you up and down with a sparse eyebrow raised. "For who?"

"Kodzuken."

While they knew each other, you were confident Sol didn't keep track of Ken's streaming schedule.

"You still have his notifications on? Wow, you must really like him."

You groaned internally, wishing you had watched anybody else in college. It had truthfully been months since you last managed to attend one of his live streams, since before you blew up on the platform in your own right. And between streaming and voice acting, there just wasn't the time to catch up with anything that wasn't just short videos.

"I find him calming." You squeezed out.

"Really." She smirked, "is that all?"

"Please, don't do this to me."

"Do what?"

"Try and get out every little embarrassing detail of my… infatuation with Kodzuken."

"So you admit it!"

"No!"

"You just said 'infatuation'. You like him!"

"Who doesn't?" 

"A sane person."

"What does that mean‽"

While you had managed to get Solarii both awake and distracted. The consequences left your temperature running higher than normal. Every word from her lips seemed to be delicately created just to torment you.

"Look. I don't have a crush on Ken, I hardly know him! His videos and streams were a great comfort to me in school, so I appreciate him."

"I'm still stuck on the comfort thing. He's kind of a gremlin."

You were happy to leave the mall when Uvo finally texted and eagerly gathered Sol's languid body to your car.

Kenma had already found himself playing with Solarii’s dog before the party even started. While everybody either put food in bowls and plates or hooked up the tv for them to play games, Uvo intermittently filmed the progress until sending a text.

You weren't there, though, apparently keeping Sol busy. 

Kenmas hands pushed through the small dog's fur, scratching the creature the same way he did cats, which she seemed to tolerate, while occasionally barking at X when he walked by.

With two people not currently in the room, Kenma already felt cramped, content with letting the little fur ball keep him company until he felt the need to move.

"They're here!" Uvo shouted from the kitchen, grabbing the cake to bring to the apartment's entryway. Tawny followed with candles and a lighter.

Picking the dog up, Kenma walked over, standing at the back of the crowd as everyone waited to surprise Sol. Everyone screamed as the door unlocked. But Kenma's attention immediately caught your startled face over Sol's shoulder.

The chanting around him seemed to disappear as if the crowd had vanished, leaving him in the middle of the room. His vision tunnelled, vignetting around your face. Everything seemed to stop as if he were there to greet you when you came home. 

You let out a loud laugh, shaking Sol's shoulders to encourage her while she blew out the candles, which led the dog in his arms to bark. Kenma glared, the loud sound being sharp in his ears. The crowd moved to the kitchen, leaving Kenma with the small canine to stew.

He glanced away from you toward the TV, nodding to himself.

You eagerly ate the collection of cake, chips, and candy that was laid out on the kitchen counter before your eyes caught sight of Ken crouched in front of the TV, Fuwafuwa wagging her little tail by his feat. Maybe he was like a gremlin in a cute, unkempt and endearing way. His grown-out hair, which he had bleached in high school, had been trimmed but still had some blond ends that brushed against his shoulders. Wore a plain baggy shirt with his ever-recognisable high school track pants, which had holes in the knees and tattered threads along the bottom from petting and getting scratched by cats. His casual, almost lazy attire made you feel overdressed when you weren’t.

It was hard not to admire him in person, finally being in his presence instead of watching him on a 2D screen image.

Something hit your shoulder. Sol’s wrist, a plate of cake in hand, as she nodded for you to approach the quiet gamer. You pinched your brows, shaking your head fervently, but Sol dropped the plate with a slice of cake and a fork in your hand and pushed you before turning around to talk to Uvo, who had his camera in hand. Sighing, you greeted Fuwafuwa as she ran around your ankles while you approached and crouched next to Kenma.

“Hey, Ken.”

He gave you a sideways glance before crouching lower and searching through the collection of games on the tv stand’s shelf.

“Here’s your slice of cake,” you continue holding it out for him. He takes it and sets it on the coffee table behind him. 

“Thanks.”

“What game are you looking for?”

“Mario Kart.”

Oh. “Hold on.” You step over Fuwafuwa and reach for the plastic box that’s tucked against the wall. Opening it up, Mario Kart is at the top, placed half haphazardly amongst the neatly stacked collection. “It goes in the box; otherwise, they won’t stop playing it.”

Kenma hummed, lips pinched together as he took the game from your hand. The tips of his fingers hit your knuckles, and he shuffles back, quickly slotting the game into the console.

At the sound of the game booting up, everyone gathers on the couch, leaving you and Kenma to sit on the floor. He grumbles, snatching a pair of pillows, and handing one to you.

“Thanks.”

“No problem. Let's just grab the controllers before they steal that too.” As he settled onto the pillow, Fuwfuwa jumped into his lap.

“She likes you.”

“I think she just doesn’t like how loud everyone else is.” They’re all yelling at each other while picking and choosing their karts and characters.

Reaching over, you give the dog a scratch around her ears.

“They’re competitive.”

Kenma hums and sets his kart up. Immediately earning a groan from X behind you.

“What’s up?” glance over your shoulder. 

X drags a hand up his forehead and back against his buzzed hair. Before leaning forward, one hand squeezing your shoulder as his head appears between you and Kenma.

“Oh, dear Forest.” He emphasised his words by shaking your shoulder and pulling you close, so your cheeks shooshed against his. He whispered. “Kodzu here has a signature setup for Mario Kart. It’s not even considered the best set-up, but when he uses it, we’re all bound to lose.”

“Uh.” You glance at the screen, then Kenma, who leaned forward to glare at both you and X. “Truthfully, I don’t know much about Mario Kart.”

“Oh,” X sighed dramatically. “Well, your set-up happens to be nearly the complete opposite from his and since you don’t know how to play. Well,” X pushes his cheeks in closer to yours, nearly giving you an eccentric smooch. He sang, “Good luck,” before being dragged back by the collar of his shirt that Solarii had taken hold of.

Kenma shoots a glare at the buzzed-cut PvP gamer before turning back around.

The game starts.

Before you can realise what’s happening, you’re shifting your body with your character on the screen as if it’ll make it turn sharper and prevent you from falling off course. You lurch again, shoulder crashing into Kenma’s and you lose balance, staying there, and yet, your character falls off the map. Startled, Fuwafuwa runs off.

“How do you guys do this?” your head sags.

“By getting good, Little Sprout.” You huff at X’s response but he’s immediately knocked off the course. “Who just Blue Shelled me!”

Next to you, Ken chuckles, making you realise that you were still leaning against him and he had to notify X of the culprit.

“Oh, watch your back Ken! I’m getting my revenge!” you lean back as X trashes forward.

Every round, Kenma seemed to win, and X seemed to lose, only seconded to you, who kept falling off the Rainbow Road track.

“This is going to haunt me forever.”

Kenma gave you another glance from the corner of his eye, but you paid it no mind, instead choosing to get to your feet and grab something to eat from the kitchen.

You watched the rounds continue from a stool in the kitchen, munching on chips while everyone began to yell at each other.

“They’re loud.” Ken sighs, sitting on the stool next to you and lifting his knees up.

“It would probably be more fun for you if you had more of a challenge. You just kept beating everyone.”

“I didn’t beat you.” He hugged his knees to his chest.

“I came consistently in last place! You beat me every round!”

“That’s just because you don’t know the game. I never made you lose. I made X lose plenty.”

It didn’t really matter. You still lost every round, sabotaged or not. “Think that might actually be worse, I lost on my own merit instead of getting hit with anything… I’m just that bad.”

“You have other talents, I’m sure.”

You huffed, cheeks burning as you turned away to hide them.

There was a loud cheer, and finally, X had won a round. Kenma grumbles and gets to his feet.

“Where are you going?” you ask, chest aching at the sight of him walking away.

“To take X down a notch. He’s loud.”

Two days later, Kenma is still feeling the sting of your shoulder against his. It wouldn’t leave his mind, burnt into his skin and memory. He wanted to scrub it all off, but it wouldn’t leave. In the moment, at first, he was ready to win each game. Until he realised, you didn’t even know how to play. X, however, made it easy for him to be a target. But still the winning didn’t stick around in his mind like you did.

He glared at his phone screen, just scrolling through until he saw an image of a familiar scene. The footage of Solarii’s birthday had been posted, and people had already started posting about it. Including a screenshot of him and you in the background.

<They’re so cute together!!!> The caption said.

He tossed his phone aside and dragged his hands down his face. Hoping he could wake up with a clearer head.

Guess whos super tired? Me. I took a 3-hour nap while writing this…..nearly deleted everything on accident. -Bacon

Posted: 06/06/2023

[queen-of-obsessing]

it started over a phone call. 

the entire group had gone to California to help the Byers move back to Hawkins, and while everyone had gone to check out the mall and roller-skating rink, and Eddie decided to stay behind at the house with Joyce, Steve found himself worrying about him. He didn’t like the idea of Eddie being (almost) all by himself in an unfamiliar state, in a house covered in bullet holes. 

He couldn’t help but worry, even as he sat with Robin and Nancy at the roller rink. So, finally, after Robin and Nancy had spent the whole afternoon flirting, laughing and skating together, Steve found a public phone and called the Byers house. He just wanted to know what he was up to, if he was okay, if anything bad had happened. 

Joyce picked up the phone and told him that Eddie was upstairs packing some stuff up while listening to Jonathan’s music records. 

Jonathan - who Eddie had spent the last two days hanging out with. The inseparable childhood best friends. While they had been laughing and talking like they had known each other all their lives - which they basically had - Eddie had spent no time with Steve, and even though Steve had formed a nice friendship with Argyle, it still nagged at him. Who needed Steve when he had Jonathan’s illustrious company? Steve bitterly hung up the phone. 

Joyce, however, is entertained by this. Steve adorably checking in on Eddie? It was too sweet. She bounds up the stairs, sticking her head into Jonathan’s room, where Eddie lounged on the floor. She tells him Steve called. But Eddie’s not impressed. He doesn’t find it very cute. He questions why Steve would feel the need to call in the first place. Does he think he can’t take care of himself?

Eddie is incensed when Steve returns from the rink with Robin and Nancy, and lightheartedly asks him what he had been up to all day. “Don’t bullshit me, Harrington, you know full well what I’ve been up to,” comes his cutting response. 

Steve’s first instinct is denial. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

Something about Steve lying only further fuels the disgruntled anger in Eddie. He hates liars. “Now you’re lying to me? First you call the house, just to what? Check in on me? Then you lie about it?” 

“I didn’t lie!” “You just said you didn’t know what I was talking about. You’re literally lying to me. To my face.” 

Steve is caught. He knows that he knows. He also knows that Eddie is going to demand an explanation, but the only explanation Steve has isn’t one he is prepared to share. “I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal out of this.”  

But he’s only dug himself a deeper hole. It isn’t looking good. By now a crowd has grown, everyone else returning from their respective places, watching this unfold with confused expressions. 

Eddie is hurt but carries on - he has a point to make after all. “Because, Steve, after all we’ve been through, the least you can do is give me a little bit of trust, not go behind my back to check in on me, as if I can’t take care of myself.” 

Steve’s brow furrows. Trust? Since when did he not trust him? “I know you can take care of yourself, Eddie-” 

“Then why’d you call? To make sure I didn’t burn the house down? Murder somebody?” 

Steve is horrified. “No!” How could he even think that, when he was one of the few people who fought for his innocence four months prior? 

“Then what? Why can’t you trust me, Steve?” Eddie’s angry now. He wants to know why but Steve isn’t telling him. Why would he care what happens to him? He keeps pushing, pushing Steve for an answer. Answers he can’t give, and Steve tries so hard to resist his questioning, walk away and leave it, but his own frustration is rising. Until finally, something snaps. 

“Because you weren’t the one who had to pick up the pieces!” Steve shouts. Eddie is shook. Everyone is shook. But Steve has no choice but to continue now. It was too late. “When you were in the hospital, who was the one who had to keep it together? Who was the one who had to watch Dustin cry, break down over and over, wishing his friend was okay? IT WAS ME! I HAD TO WATCH HIM CRY IN MY ARMS! And where were you?! You were unconscious! YOU DIDN’T EVEN HAVE TO SEE WHAT YOU DID! You traumatized a child, by running into a swarm of demobats, when we all knew goddamn well you could have gone through the gate!” There are a chorus of gasps. Everyone had assumed Eddie and Dustin never even made it to the gate. Mike looked at Eddie, horrified at the realization of what he had done. Tears sprung to Eddie’s eyes at he stared at Steve, face flushed with rage. “But you didn’t climb, did you? No, you had to be a hero, you had to prove yourself, you turned away and cut the rope, you left Dustin alone, and I dealt with the aftermath. So, yeah, you can forgive me if I call.” 

A stunned silence falls on the room. Eddie’s barely able to hold back tears as Steve continues to glare at him. He takes in a shaky breath. “Thanks, Steve,” he responds before pushing past him upstairs. Steve shuts his eyes, regretting everything, but there was no undoing this now. 

Later that night, after things had mostly calmed down, Steve comes to Jonathan’s room, to find Eddie sitting on the bed, back turned to him, staring out the window. “I replay that moment in my head all the time,” Eddie says quietly. “What would have happened if I just...grabbed Dustin’s hand? Climbed through?” 

“Why didn’t you?” Steve asks. He didn’t dare come any closer. He figured he didn’t deserve to, but he had to ask. 

“I don’t know.” Eddie’s back slumps. “I guess I thought...if I went through...I’d just be running away again. Like I always did. A coward who runs away.” 

“Who told you it was a bad thing to run away?” Steve turns around, Jonathan leans in the doorway. “That’s not really true, you know. You just wanted to survive. Live your life. That’s not weakness.” 

“You were never a coward,” Steve added. 

“I wasn’t even there and I know you weren’t,” Jonathan continued with a laugh. “You are the bravest person I know. You’re so unashamedly yourself, even when everyone tried to bully you into being normal. Never forget that, Eds.” Jonathan cast an unreadable glance to Steve before leaving the room. 

Once alone, Steve crept closer. “You were a hero the moment you drew those bats away. The first time.” 

Eddie chuckled darkly. “I’m a hero for playing the guitar?” 

“Yeah. How else would we have gotten into the Creel house?” There was a brief silence before Steve swallowed and addressed the elephant in the room. “Eddie, I’m so sorry.” He grabbed one of the moving boxes, sitting in front of Eddie at the bed. “Everything I said - I was angry. I crossed a line. It wasn’t cool, I’m sorry.” 

Eddie met his eyes, wide and questioning. Steve reached over and grasped his hands, holding them tightly. “It’s just...you're my friend, and I...I can’t lose you. You mean too much to me, and I nearly did once before, and I can’t do that again.” 

“I mean a lot to you?” 

Steve bit his lip. “Yeah, we’re friends, right?” 

Eddie stared back at him, gazing up, pleading. Please don’t hate me. The three words are reflected in his gaze, but Eddie can’t bring himself to interpret it that way. He instead nods. “Friends.” 

(There’s a lot of stuff i didn’t include, like Mike and Eddie’s convo, how Joyce felt about the whole thing, etc, but i didn’t have room hehe but this is all gonna be a fic so we’re good!) 

[strawberryshortcakegirl]

Guac and Evie Rewatch: 1.02 of HSMTMTS

Hi!! Went on vacation for a while but the rewatch blogs are back!

Why is it that all I remember from the Read-Through episode was chaos

I love how Big Red simply acknowledges that EJ is basically a Hollister model and then you see EJ's promo pic for Season 3 and it all makes sense

Okay so right now Nini is talking about if you look in the background there's like some tickets and flyers for musicals and things hung up in her room. And we all know Nini's phone case is a Playbill phone case too. I just feel like Season 2 Nini kinda ditched her love of musicals way too fast

So I just searched up Throb and realized that it's not an actual smell/perfume or whatever. My whole life is a lie.

OKAY BUT IMAGINE SOMEONE JUST COMES UP TO YOU AT A MALL AND SPRAYS PERFUME ON YOU-

EJ calling Ashlyn the bomb proves that this was filmed in 2019

Time for mental health time with Evie! Okay we see that EJ says that he's only pretending to be happy about playing Chad on his Insta story because inside he's a "bucket of sadness." It's obvious that his goal on Instagram is to seem like a person who has his life figured out and gets whatever he wants. Therefore, he says "blessed to be playing Chad" as if that's the part he wanted all along and he was expecting it.

Idk why they are so amazed by the rehearsal room

How does Miss Jenn not know that Natalie Bagley is the stage manager lol

This has bothered me since day one: Miss Jenn goes from Gb major to F major when singing We're All in This Together. Still the high note was amazing and I relate to Gina mouthing "yessss" after hearing it

"Abysmal read through, a brilliant opening night" I think a more accurate quote from my experience would be "Abysmal rehearsal, a mediocre opening night" but whatever

Big Red I mean if you took the SATs every week you would get better at it and then you could turn in your actual highest score... 😏

SEB IS SO CUTE WHEN HE SAYS I JUST WANNA RAISE THE ROOF GAHHH

Carlos and Miss Jenn just scrolling through Zac Efron's Instagram while they wait for the blocking rehearsal to start is a mood

Shouldn't Miss Jenn be reported for making two exes kiss? Especially since one of them specifically states that she doesn't want to

DATING HER DOESN'T MEAN YOU OWN HER ASHLYN QUEEN I'm currently trying to get my friend to learn that CRUSHING on her doesn't mean you own her -_-

Carlos and Gina knowing the Big Book of Broadway kinda predicts their friendship in Season 2 which is pretty cool

Honestly the dancers in this show are legendary

I think when I first watched the series, I always hated Ricky and him being all desperate until he talked about his parents going through some trouble. I like how they added that in early. It gives more depth to Ricky's character than him just chasing after Nini

How come Nini's room is twice the size of my room T_T

You can tell Gina is just talking to Ricky so she can get Gabriella but eventually later in the conversation, she gets much more real and genuine

Ricky dancing to HSM at midnight hit too close to home

Ashlyn just playing piano in the empty auditorium is somehow kinda majestic. Idk why. And she was so unpopular in Season 1. When she saw Nini, she immediately said she could leave immediately. And then in Season 2 she was the lead <3

TODAY I LEARNED THAT MISS JENN SAID BATHS KEEP ME SANE NOT BATS

Yeah I would kill for an autograph from Andrew Lloyd Weber so I'm not judging

WONDERING IS THE BEST SONG OF SEASON 1 AND I WILL FOREVER STAND BY THAT. It's so raw because it's live. Tim has wrecked that now with the autotune in Season 2 and 3. Bring back the quality from Wondering Tim

The whole gigantic package just to hold Vanessa Hudgen's (V-Hudge's... O_o") phone though

Haha Portwell was so different back then

I do think it's truly excellent that the two villains of Season 1 became two of the most beloved characters of the show.

Welp that's the end!! Btw these are now called Guac and Evie rewatches :)

[chaosturnsbeautiful]

When I was a teenager all I did was fawn over boys, a lot of my friends would call me "boy crazy." I hated it, no one really understood that I was just wanting a human connection from someone other than family. I had friends and lost friends, that's what happens in high school. Well after graduation, most of my friend group drifted off and went to college. I stayed in my hometown and attended trade school... While doing so I had one friend that I grew up with attending with me. We'll call her Krissy, we were friends for many years. Her and I were inseparable, or so I thought. She had became a popular girl, who knew trade school had cliques. Well I decided I wanted to find a boyfriend. (the thought of this makes me sick, since I'm now married and I have a child). So I got on multiple dating sights and sought after "men". I was very self conscious, hated my appearance, but loved the attention. When I found the guy I thought I wanted to date. I was with this guy for a little over a year. We did everything together.... He was a couple years older than me, didn't have a car, could barely keep a job, and lived in his parents house. That wouldn't have bothered me if he didn't try to claim it as his own house until I finally met his family. He started getting into drugs, I was against it, but before I could do or say anything he broke up with me. I wasn't really sad, I was mad. Mad I spent all my time taking care of him, finding him jobs, lying to my family, and acting like he was better than he really was... You will see a pattern. Well I graduate trade school and start working with Krissy and we were doing just fine in our friendship, we hung out all the time, we both were striving and doing so well. I started noticing things off about her, she seemed like she was drinking on the job, strung out, and all around not a good person. Years of dealing with this and being around her, I distanced myself. Decided I wanted to get back out in the dating pool, turned out to be the worst/best decisions. I started to date this guy and for this post he will remain anonymous, Within the first week I should have seen the red flags, trying to make me leave my family, telling me we were going to get on a cellphone plan together, reading my texts from my parents, he made me call my mom and tell her I was moving in with him. Yes there were threats made with it, but I blocked that out of my memory. My relationships with friends and family continued to diminish. I never moved in with him, but I continued to date him. He had no job, lived in a sketchy neighbor hood, always told me about how he was in the military and made up a big lie about some top secret thing he did with them. He drained my accounts, all of my money I had been saving was gone within months of dating. I felt stuck, with no way out. He ended up threatening to kill me all the time, when I was at work he would sit at a table outside of my job (I worked in the mall) and watched me. If he saw me talking to other men, he would send me vulgar texts. Month's go by and I have to go in for a well woman exam, he forced me in to letting him go. My doctor never noticed anything wrong, except a couple days later I get a call from the nurse with blood results.... You guessed it, I was pregnant. The tears came streaming down. I didn't want to be with this person..., To be continued.....

[orquidaeas]

—  just outside the mall, 15th of july 2044, with matty alston. @mattyalston

if just a month ago, someone were to call him reckless, he’d wholeheartedly agree. in a way, it goes against all of his training, all that has defined him for decades - the system is corrupt or not, he’s loyal or not, none of it matters because people simply must find a way to navigate the system. gilbert’s devotion to the man in charge has died many years ago, and disdain has grown in its place, but anger makes him reckless and a reckless soldier is a buried soldier. hasn’t he always been reckless, however? prone to the whims of his heart? perhaps that was alexei volkov’s first sign that the attack dog was not fit for anything more than the leash. after the wall with suri, the murder of ray, the encounter with anso, or the carelessness of the storm night, gilbert was ready to move like a fast truck on course to crash into a wall. let alexei hang him outside the hotel, for all he cared. gilbert, for once, denounced survival as his ultimate driving force, even if it was what brought him through sleet and snow back home in january. the frozen man would be appalled if he encountered the one from the spring. 

it’s not reckless anymore, he thinks. it’s purposeful. discipline forces to the grave all thoughts of simply jumping onto alexei with a sharp knife in hand, or exploding the enforcer floor, all collateral and himself be damned. oddly enough, it feels similar to the purpose he found in the form of alexei and his rebellion, many years ago. but it has to be different. he can’t keep making the same damn mistakes, right? “i know. that’s the conundrum, right? but you’re just too young to remember this. there was hope in the early days, y’know? more food, the end of war, no more entire families getting whipped out in the middle of the night.” patrol shift has ended about ten minutes ago, but gilbert still leans by the window of the truck, chatting with a young soldier who should have gone and parked it the moment they returned. “it was all a lie. i mean, you’ve got eyes to prove it. it’s like i told you yesterday… just because this is all you’ve ever known, doesn’t mean it can’t change. realistically, fedra rule was pretty much all i knew. where the hell is fedra now anyway? do they even have a single zone up, still?” gilbert isn’t whispering. he eyes the surroundings every now and then, ignoring the one in the back, unbothered. savannah looks around constantly, with wide eyes, but isn’t running away from the conversation at all. it is certainly not the first time gilbert introduces the topic. 

she whispers something to him, far more careful than the older one. “i mean, we’ve all got families to think about. i don’t think volkov thinks about them, though. the enemy is just as much internal as it is external, right? you try to keep them alive and happy, you pick up a gun and go on patrol, and then what? he gets angry one day and executes them in the middle of the mall?” he eyes the soldier that is, theoretically, far enough for comfort for savannah, inside a truck and whispering. not so much for gilbert. it’s a dare, like it was inside the middle school during the storm. and yet, it is also a lesson, much alike the middle school too. gilbert hasn’t been hung for treason yet, so it’s fair to assume matty did not rattle him out. he wonders how far he can stretch his luck.

[loudhousecomicsandstories3]

I Can't believe you even dated considering the things you draw.

i'm gonna get personal with my past loves.

in high school before the loud house, I was into furries. and i drew alot of furries. even boldly drawing nsfw work

(which seems to come out better than drawing at home)

my first girlfriend didn't care. she encouraged me actually. and i would hang out with her after school. we were drunk at my house. and that's when i had the balls to confess my feelings for her. after which her friends walked her home and i went inside feeling like an idiot.

cuz ya don't just tell someone you love her and tell her how good you be to her. that's a sure-fire way to get avoided or friend zoned but the next two days she came to me and gave me a shot. i dunno how long we lasted but it seemed like years. but it was two years. Unfortunately, we broke up. a week later a friend told me she was dating a chick.

the second one was one of those Christian faith girls. ya know, i didn't mind cuz i was catholic. but had a problem with me cursing and cussing all the damn time. we dated a short while before she just started avoiding me.

the third- well this one was after high school when I was like 19-20. we didn't last long cuz she took advantage of my kindness. and was abusive. mentally and physically. lets just say i was in a very bad way and yeah, broke things off when i decided i had enough.

the fourth.... ah. i met her through a furry dating site. although at the time she was having a falling out with the fandom. and would get me out of there too (she was right to do it) at the time we were just friends ya know. she already had a boyfriend so i didn't do much. but i did flirt with her a little. no harm right? anyway, this guy she dated, a Christian boy. College graduate. whom i called Mr. Perfect i won't lie, i was jealous. but ya know. its whatever. i stayed friends with her. but the more we talked the more we seem to relate to each other and seem to have a lot in common. which was new to me cuz i barely had anything in common with the last three.

ninja turtles was the ice breaker. and when she shipped Tcest too well, shit. we had discussions and roleplays on our ships and it was fun as hell. then her fucking boyfriend broke up with her. right after a surgery she had. that was fucked up. so ya know, i literally talked to her on the phone all through the night and into the morning.

so we just got closer since we talked on the phone before bed talking about whatever. fandoms, what we did in the day. then she just asked us to meet and ya know, i traveled. at the time my mother and i went to a convention

The next day i met her at a mall where she told me to meet her and we hung out and looked at stuff. then she drove me to the park. it was raining. and she admit she didn't plan much to do which she felt shitty. i told her it was okay.

and while she wasn't looking i stole a kiss. and boy i thought she would have pushed me and slap the fuck out of me. but she kissed back.

let me tell ya, the reason why i was so relaxed with her in the first place was that we have gotten to know each other for a year. at least

so, yeah. she kissed back and you know those cartoons that show fireworks in the background when two characters kiss? it was like that i shit you not. heh. so ya know, its raining hard, we're in her car making out. and fogging up the windows. after that we were just awkward and smiling and shit. eventually, we had to get going so ya know, went back to the mall. told each other goodbye, and that she'll text me. i met my mother and we went off back home (5 hour drive) but she started texting me soon after. and she was smitten as i was. and yeah, later that night as we talked on the phone we decided to date. best years of my life. 7 years. of course, not everything is perfect. you have your arguments, but i always try to make up for my mistakes.

but things don't last forever. ya know when you're in a relationship as long as i have you start to notice things that happen before the breakup. of course, I was in denial.

it was the same week i met grey griffin the voice of lola and lana at a convention. the same week i created lamis loud. so i met my chick because i actually saved money to try and move out and live her.

unfortunately, as we met at the same mall she dropped the bomb on me. let me tell ya, it was a complete nightmare. i knew it was gonna happen. so i guess trying to move out, trying to show her that i wanted to go on to the next step was my attempt from preventing the breakup.

she said some horrible things i care not to repeat but will always haunt me. to this day i am confused. lord knows i'm like fucking charlie brown over here. but i always treat my girlfriends the way they should be treated. i mean, that's what our mothers raise us to believe. a friend of mine thinks that my ex was just leading me on for the last 7 years just to mooch off on my kindness. i honestly don't think so.

our love was genuine. it was uncanny. it was like being a dopey teenager in love ya know? you can't fake that. i just think she fell out of love for me. she might have been cheating. i know for a fact her coworker didn't like me and tried to hook her up with her nephew.

and yeah. she blocked me on my phone and any platform where we used to chat. basically kicking me out of her life.

then march was the worse cuz patanu kicked me out just for being too weird in his stupid server. i almost left the loud house and loudcest fandom. but in my anger i used my ambition to stay and create my own "loudcest children" thus for the next three years i put alot of work into my art and comics. simply because i needed the distraction from the breakup. which, as i said was 3 years ago.

i'm over her. but i won't lie when i go into depression. its not like, extreme depression like some people get to the point of suicide. but its enough to slow me down on my art.

(like hell i'll kill myself. i'm not giving her or anyone the satisfaction)

what keeps me going is the fans who enjoy my work, and the haters who harass me into leaving the fandom.

love isn't easy. never is. takes a lot of work, compromises and you give, you take, ect ect. i did my best to make that girl of mine happy. but i wasn't good enough.

but it is what is it. you can't always win. but to sum up how i feel

ah charlie brown. I've always related to him since I was a kid. funny we have the same luck with girls. and life in general. but don't worry, don't feel too bad. i actually enjoy being alone. cuz at least when your alone you don't have to put up with people's bullshit. I'm like my mother, i like being alone. it's just the last one felt like real love compared to the last three. ya know? oh well.

hopefully like charlie brown, I'll have my Marcie who admires me. I just hope i am not oblivious like him. hahaha.

[thispabulum-blog]

Running on Empty

This week was a pretty slow one, but what happened?

Tuesday Meeko Neko tried to fix my computer speakers, and the conclusion we came to was that I need a new computer. So we'll put that on the back burner for now.

Wednesday I started talking to a guy, we'll call him Booyah. He's 26, married (his wife is bonkers adorable), plays a lot of tabletop games and stuff. We've been working on setting up a date when schedules allow, but it seems like we're both pretty open to friendship or whatever else.

Thursday night Meeko Neko tried to fix my sink, to no avail. Aquaman came over to my new place for the first time. He was sleepy, as usual, but brought me McDonald's, and we watched Futurama and cuddled for a while. He's way overworked lately and I hate that there's nothing I can do except be cute and cuddly when requested.

Friday my precious Cuddlebug came and picked me up. He's been working really hard lately at this new job, so once we got to his house we plopped down on the bed and next thing I knew, it was 4 hours later.

Good nappers, both of us.

A quick Kroger run, then I made myself some ramen and we picked up where we left off with Better Call Saul.

Saturday I slept in late, and then I made us pancakes, eggs, and bacon, which we watched while we finished Rick & Morty, I believe? The plan for the day was to have two other couples come over for a movie marathon - he even did the dishes. The first couple bailed on movies but still wanted to do dinner, and the second couple didn't show up until after 6. So we opted to do dinner first.

Cuddlebug finally got to take me to this Chinese place he's been dying for me to try - they're closed on Mondays, and I swear it's like his two little brain cells are saying "I know there's something about this place and Mondays..." so he only ever suggests we go there on Mondays.

Relatedly, when I asked him what all he wanted to do over the weekend -

CB: I was thinking about going to that bakery Saturday or Sunday. ... Except maybe they're closed Sunday.

Me: Baby! You had a thought!

And they are closed on Sunday; we did not go to the bakery.

On the way to dinner, we were trying to decide what movies we wanted to watch, and he was lobbying hard for the Dark Knight trilogy, because apparently they're some of his favorite movies. I said yes, and I looked over at him in the backseat a bit later to see him bouncing his legs up and down and going "nana-nana-nana-nana Batman!" under his breath.

Jesus, he's so cute.

"Have you seen the movies?"

EXCUSE ME, child. The Dark Knight came out when I was in high school; nothing was a bigger deal. I went to the midnight showing at the mall with a guy I was unfortunately sleeping with, we waited in line for 5 hours, one of my contacts fell out, I threw up when I got home. It was amazing.

Dinner was really good. Cuddlebug's friends had a fun time getting him all riled up, which is not super difficult to do, but is much easier when he's excited.

Once we got home we started Batman Begins, and about an hour into it I went to change into pajamas and I thought "Oh, I'll just lie down on the bed for a minute. If I keep the door open I can still hear the movie," and Cuddlebug woke me up about an hour and a half later. I apologized, and he told me not to worry, to go back to sleep. Apparently the other couple had left to run an errand and hadn't come back yet, so he wanted to play some video games in the meantime. We did end up finishing the movie a while later.

Sunday we watched some more Better Call Saul (I swear that show is SO GOOD at cliffhangers) and then we watched The Dark Knight. Then Space Kitten came by and we hung out for a bit, then went to eat a very lot of sushi. We got to see the sushi waiter robot, which is the highlight of any trip, and agreed that this place needs more eel rolls.

Monday Cuddlebug woke up early to go to work, and I hung around the house being bored.

Now, to preface this, I had previously had this conversation with him

Me: I want to either make one of the burgers from my Bob's Burgers cookbook, or do like a Cajun shrimp and sausage thing. For you this weekend.

CB: Ooooo I'd love some burgers:333

Me: Cool

But when I went to Kroger they didn't have the cheese I needed for the burgers, so I just got the stuff for the Cajun thing - it was a sheet pan bake with shrimp, sausage, corn on the cob, and red potatoes. And I didn't say anything about it.

So when he told me he was on his way home, I told him I was going to start dinner. And when he came in, I let him know it was ready. So he opens the top oven and looks at the pan, then closes it, and opens the bottom oven (yes, they have two ovens; I'm jealous). I said "What are you looking for?" and he said "The other dinner."

And I know sometimes I pout to be cute, but my face seriously dropped. He was immediately apologetic! I guess what happened was that he saw the corn and potatoes but not the sausage and shrimp, so he thought it was a side dish for the burgers I was going to make? In any case, he ate plenty of it, and there was a good amount for leftovers the next day.

Tuesday morning Cuddlebug woke up super early to go to work, and came home after I had started watching Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness in the living room, so he just kinda collapsed on the couch with his head on my lap, looking beat.

Me: Do you want to take a nap?

CB: No.

Me: Are you sure?

CB: Yes.

10 minutes later, he's snoring on me, and stayed that way until the movie was over.

He spent most of the evening playing 40k online with a friend, and I think I just hung out in the living room playing Animal Crossing and watching YouTube. Party people, y'know?

[itadores]

shopping trip.

synopsis: you rope maki into going shopping with you. though she’d rather by anywhere else, she doesn’t appreciate it when someone tries to ruin her best friend’s day.

word count: 1.4k

pairing: zenin maki & gender neutral reader

genre/warnings: best friend!reader, hurt/comfort, non-consensual groping, light violence.

The door slams against the wall with a loud smack as you burst through the door and into the room. You toss yourself onto the bed pressed up against the wall, sprawling onto your back and smiling up at its occupant.

“Haven’t you ever heard of knocking?” Maki peers over the top of her glasses, an unamused expression plastered on her face. She looks away from you, continuing to scroll through her phone as you squirm around until you get into a comfortable position.

“Yeah, but I had something really important to tell you.” You’ve turned over to lie on your stomach, your face now propped up by your palms as you jut your lip out at Maki, who doesn’t even bother to look your way.

“What was so important that you couldn’t knock on my door like a normal person?”

Unfortunately for Maki, you bursting through her door without any warning is a regular occurrence. Somehow you’ve never come in unannounced during a time when she was asleep or changing, which was surprising considering how often you liked to pop into her room. It’s like you had a sixth sense in which you knew when would be a bad time to go bother Maki. Or maybe you’ve just gotten lucky so far.

Maki would lock you out, but she knows you would just pester her until she unlocked it and hung out with you.

If possible, your grin widens even more, nearly splitting your face in half. “I need to go shopping, and you have to come with me.”

“Not a chance.”

“Maki,” you whine, letting your arms slip out from under you and flopping fully down on your stomach with your cheek pressed up against the mattress. “Please?”

“No,” she states, not even tearing her eyes away from her phone to reply to you. “Why would I ever want to willingly go shopping when I have no reason to?”

“Because I’m your best friend in the entire world, and you love me so much.”

That may be true, but not a good enough reason for Maki to get off her bed and go shop with you when the two of you could do something like spar instead. She gives you a deadpan look that has you quickly searching for another reason.

“I promise I’ll be fast, and I’ll even buy you lunch.”

Her lips curl into an approving grin, and her eyes flash over to yours as she closes out of the application she was in.

“Deal.”

You, in fact, were not fast.

Maki should have known better, to be honest. You always take forever since you have such a difficult time deciding on whether or not you want to purchase something. The excuse of I’m not going to spend money on something I don’t love on your tongue as you clutch two different shirts in your hands, comparing them in an attempt to choose which one you should buy. You ended up buying neither of them, much to Maki’s frustration.

Maki’s just glad that the first thing the two of you did when you got to the mall was get lunch. You let Maki choose the place, but warned her not to drain your pockets with what she wanted. She was tempted to buy something expensive to eat just to hear you grumble, but she opted for a meal that she enjoyed and wasn’t too out of your price range.

Lunch was nice, though Maki had to slap your hand away when you tried to steal some food off her plate. She eventually caved in and let you sneak in a few bites when you whined and pouted at her. In return, you let her try some of your food too.

Right now, she was hanging around the entrance of the store you were perusing. Mindlessly scrolling through social media because, after the first few stores, Maki blatantly refused to go into any more with you. You understood that shopping wasn’t really of interest to Maki, so you left it at that and bounded into the shop without her.

However, you’ve been in there for a while, and Maki was growing the slightest bit antsy. She couldn’t wait to get back to campus, rope you into some sparring for making her agree to come with you, and beat your ass as proper payment. Yeah, that sounded nice.

“Thanks for waiting for me!” Maki looks up from her phone to see you bounce up to her with a few bags clutched in your hands. You bring up your hand to rub at the back of your head, jostling the bags in your grip, as you give her a sheepish grin. “Sorry, I know I took longer than expected.”

“It’s no big deal.” she remarks, lightly hitting the side of your head with her palm. “Are you done, though? Because if you’re going to take another hour or something I swear—”

“Just one more store,” you assure, falling into step with her, “I promise, I just wanted to stop by the candy store and buy some stuff for the others.”

She huffs underneath her breath at that. You really shouldn’t be buying the others stuff and spoiling them when your allowance for this month is going to run out soon. Maki cocks her head your way. “You shouldn’t buy—”

A startled gasp falls from your lips, and Maki whips her head around, trying to place why you made that noise. The sight that greets Maki has her seeing red instantaneously. An older man has his hand firmly placed on your ass, a sick appraising look on his face. Maki’s quick to react, ripping his hand off of you, a shocked expression replacing the previous one on the male’s face.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Maki tightens her grip on his wrist, causing the man to wince in pain. Good. She was going to shatter his damn wrist. “Huh? Aren’t you going to say anything? Got nothing better to do than be a fucking pervert?” Maki sneers, digging her nails into his skin. She hopes he fucking bleeds.

“Ahh—let go, you crazy bitch.”

A dangerous grin spreads across Maki’s face. “I’ll show you just how fucking crazy—”

“M-maki.” Your voice shakes as you gently tug on the sleeve of her shirt. “Let’s just go.” Her grip doesn’t loosen in the slightest, prompting the man to yelp in pain. “Please. It’s not worth it.”

She tosses the man’s arm out of her grip, glaring down at him. “If I ever see you harassing anyone else, I’ll break your arm.” He scampers away, clutching his wrist and murmuring psycho bitch underneath his breath.

The deep frown marking Maki’s face softens when she turns her attention back to you. You’re slightly shaking, holding your bags in an iron grip. Your head hangs low with your eyes trained on the ground. Maki feels anger rise up once more within her; she should go back and beat the fucking shit out of the man for putting his hands on you.

“Hey.” She gently places her hand on your shoulder to get your attention. You flinch from the touch, causing Maki to retract her hand back as fast as she can. Scratch that, she was going to kill him.

“Sorry,” you softly murmur, bringing a hand to rub at your arm. Why are you apologizing for anything?

“Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault.” Maki reassures you, taking care to emphasize that it’s not your fault. It’s nobody’s fault but that stupid bastard’s. “Are you good with me touching you?”

You nod your head an imperceptible amount. She awkwardly wraps her arms around your form, engulfing you in a hug. You’re unbearably stiff for a moment before you lift your arms to clutch at the back of Maki’s shirt. She doesn’t comment on the dampening of her shirt and just holds you in a hug.

When you pull away to rub at your eyes, there’s a small watery grin playing on your lips. “Who knew Zenin Maki was such a softie?”

She scowls at that, gently poking the side of your head with her finger. “Shut up. I’m not.”

Her retort is half-hearted, and it’s clear that both of you know it. Secretly, Maki is just relieved that you’re joking again. Begrudgingly, she lets you loop your arms together and lean into her side as you start walking again.

“C’mon, I still want to go to the candy store.”

(Later, when you get back to campus and confide in the others about what happened, they discreetly exchange glances with one another, resolving themselves to beat the shit out of that man if they ever come across him.)

[uwuyangin]

a promise well broken (minho x reader)

✩ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: if anyone was certain of one thing, it would be the fact that both you and minho were a two in one deal. never would somebody see one and not the other. since the beginning of your friendship, you promised each other that no matter what, you would never lie. pinky promises were forever right? that is until you meet hana, the one person that had the potential to tear you and minho apart.

✩ 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐫 + 𝐚/𝐧: this is a request! bff to lovers! plot ahead. cussing as well so be warned. song rec: i hate u, i love u by olivia o’brien & gnash. thank you for requesting this, lovely! 

—

the autumn of twenty-eighteen was the worst year of your life.

why? because that was the start of your first year being a freshman in college. nobody had warned you about the university life, and it always looked so easy. then came week two where you learned the hard way that the readings actually were important. or that you should never leave your laundry in the laundromat without supervision. again, these were things you had to learn as an adult and it sucked.

but, you’ll never forget the day you met him; lee minho. 

you had accidentally spilled coffee all over his white shirt in that over-crowded starbucks down the street from your apartment. he had joked you owe him a new shirt, however he then laughed at his silly remark. hearing that laugh made your heart melt in a way you couldn’t describe. nonetheless, you offered to buy him his drink of choice, to which he denied. instead, he asked for your time and the rest was history.

you two were inseparable ever since. even when you needed to study, minho would drop by and annoy the hell out of you. it had become such a routine that you would be surprised if he didn’t accompany you to anything. in a way, you were dependent on him as he was to you. some would say this was unhealthy, but you admitted to yourself a long time ago that a life without lee minho was not a life wanted. 

however, because life was never perfect, you couldn’t expect your relationship with him to be. because you were utterly in love with someone you never thought you could have. so much so that your heart swelled at just the idea of him and that damn smile. his tsundere personality attracted you the most because that only made the intimate moments more meaningful. like when he would hold your hand in public if you were anxious, or the way he complimented your work ethic. those small, simple gestures filled your stomach with butterflies. as much as you loved him showing you affection, it also broke your heart because it always stirred up false hope. and nothing hurt more than that. 

you wished you could confront him on this. you hated hiding anything from minho. it was your number one rule between each other; no secrets, no lies. he always had a deep-rooted insecurity of being lied to, and you promised him that you would never do that no matter what. you’ll never forget the way he looked at you then; full of trust and happiness. each night when you lay awake in your bed, your chest clenches at the thought of telling him you’ve been surpressing these feelings. would he rejoice or be disappointed? it was a risk that you weren’t willing to take.

that promise meant everything to you. apparently minho thought otherwise.

it had been exactly one month since you met park hana. minho introduced the two of you after walking out of his calculus class. he had made a new friend, which didn’t surprise you because who wouldn’t want to be friends with him? however, at the sight of her, your stomach dropped. she had locks of honey brown, obviously artificial but beautiful nonetheless. her eyes always shone with a light you never thought you’d see. she was outgoing, intelligent, and funny. god, she was so funny that she made minho roll over in laughter at a study session that was supposed to be explicitly between you and him. you envied her. you wanted to love yourself the way she did, but everytime you looked in the mirror, you would only see flaws. what would minho see in you that he wouldn’t see in her? 

you tried to be her friend, you really did. on multiple occasions, you invited hana to coffee or to the movies, and she always declined. if you brought it up to minho, he would only shrug it off that it wasn’t serious. this didn’t cease your uneasiness towards her, though. it could just be your jealousy speaking but you knew yourself better than that. 

you were going to try again, though. if she meant something to minho, then she meant something to you as well. 

you lay on your bed with a small smile, scrolling through your phone to find minho’s number. a simple face time would be fun as you didn’t feel like texting. you also really wanted to see his face. after finding his number, you tapped on it and felt excitement rising in your system. it was only a video call but this is what minho did to you. as the phone rang, you were met with disappointment as you noticed that he wasn’t going to pick up. that wasn’t like him as he typically picked up within the first three rings. 

“what the heck? ugh,” you grunted to yourself, heading over to text message. 

you were tempted to text him alone about your idea of hanging out, but you knew that if you were going to make an effort for hana, you would need to text the group chat. you began to text out your plans, sending it with a large grin. 

you: heyyyyyyyyy bishes! i’m thinking of heading to the mall later today, and i’d love to hang with y’all. what do you say?? maybe we can get dinner as well. i finally don’t have homework lmaoo 

soongiedoongiedori: aw can’t today :( hanging out with sungie

hana: same, i’m busy! maybe next week? 

you: ok :’) </3

releasing a sigh, you felt your excitement deterioriate. you weren’t expecting them to turn you down so quickly, especially minho. you knew it was wrong to be upset at them for being busy but you couldn’t help how you were feeling. hana did suggest next week . . . that would have to do for now. 

as you sighed once again, you heard your door swinging open. you snapped your head up, hoping it was minho pranking you, but you were only met with your roommate, yeri. 

“whoa, calm down. i’m not gonna kill you,” she joked. “i was just checking to see if you’ve eaten today and if i should buy takeout.” 

groaning, you shook her head and hung an arm over your head. this made it clear to yeri that you were upset, making her concerned. you two were close since the beginning of the school year. normally you were a cheerful person. if you were acting like this, then something was definitely up. 

“what’s wrong?” she asked, sitting beside you on your bed. 

you peeked out from behind your arm only to drop it and sigh for the third time. that’s all you could really do at this point. 

“well, it’s going to sound dumb-”

“no it’s not. stop doubting yourself, now tell me what’s up.” yeri interrupted.

you rolled your eyes but smiled a small smile. “i texted minho and hana to see if they wanted to hang out today but both of them are busy. it just really sucks because i feel like every time i make an effort for hana, she doesn’t make an effort for me. i’ve tried telling lino this but he thinks i’m being dramatic. am i being dramatic?”

yeri hummed at your response, furrowing her eyebrows. you watched in silence as she pondered about the scenario in her mind. this put you on edge because she didn’t immediately reassure you it was nothing. she must’ve seen something fishy as well or else she wouldn’t be thinking about it. or you were assuming the worst.

“they’re both busy?” she checked. 

you nodded, making her shrug. “i wouldn’t think much of it, (y/n). what’s the rule between you and him again? no secrets, no lies or something like that? i don’t think he would lie to you.” 

that was true; nobody took that rule more seriously than minho. for a moment there, you felt guilt because you knew it was wrong to immediately doubt his intentions like that. hana as well. yeri inspected you for a moment as she took in your composure. surely her advice should’ve been enough to warrant ease, however, you were still stiff.

“i’ll go to the mall with you,” she offered. “i was thinking of stopping in sephora or something. i’ve been meaning to go for awhile but never had the excuse.”

you snapped your head her way and bit back a smile, trying not to be too enthusiastic. “really? you’re not just saying that, are you?”

yeri nudged you playfully before standing. “of course not. now get up and ready, or i’ll regret my decision.”

-

“did you really have to buy all three palettes? they look the exact same!” 

yeri rolled her eyes as the both of you exited the store with you holding one bag, and her with two. you had only been there for twenty minutes and you already spent more than you would’ve liked. then again, you didn’t really care because you were looking forward to this for awhile. friends that enable each other stay together, right?

“well, that’s where you’re wrong. this one is peachy nudes, then there’s the golden nudes, and this one is neutral nudes. seriously, (y/n), don’t underestimate the power of nudes.”

the both of you let out a laugh, leaning into each other for support. yeri had made this experience way more fun than you thought it could be. not one thought of minho or hana had entered your mind. the mood was lifted tremendously as you strolled through the mall, window shopping at a few stores until you found the one you wanted to shop in. however, as you were going to enter a store, your stomach did a little growl. 

“whoa, calm down tiger.” joked yeri as she patted your stomach. 

“i guess i forgot to eat today . . . do you wanna stop by the food court before we continue shopping?” you suggested.

she nodded, realizing that she was hungry as well. “i think it’s this way.” 

nearing the corner, you continued on towards the food court with excitement. mall food always had a different vibe to it and you were very much looking forward to devouring some lo mein noodles. as the food court came into view, your walk began to speed up. the excitement that was building up inside of you halted as yeri stopped in her tracks, causing you to run directly into her back. 

“hey-” you started but yeri whipped around, shushing you. her hands grabbed onto your arms and dragged you to the side where you were no longer out in the open.

“what are you doing?” your voice was not loud however it still wasn’t at yeri’s liking as she shushed you again.

“(y/n), look over by mcdonald’s. isn’t that minho . . . and hana?” 

your heart stopped as you heard those words, immediately looking where yeri had instructed you. there sat minho and hana, laughing obnoxiously while sharing a meal. you watched the way she fed him a fry, with him then returning the favor. your heart tugged at the sight because that was something you guys always do to each other. it would then follow with you offering him a bite of your mcflurry and then booping him on the nose with the spoon. the tension grew as you saw him reaching for the spoon of his mcflurry, raising it out towards hana.

“please, please, please. do not pat it on her nose,” you whispered to yourself.

tears welled up in your eyes as you watched the way she took a bite, then giggling as he gently patted her nose with the spoon. that was the icing on the cake and it’s all it took before you turned your body around, rushing to the exit. 

yeri called out to you but you weren’t listening. the scene that played before rewound itself in your mind like a vhs tape. and you would pause at the way he looked at her, like she was so special. those glances were always reserved for you. was he tired of you? did he know how much he meant to you? he broke your one rule, the one thing that meant everything. your friendship was based on this and yet it was now abandoned. your breathing became labored as you tried calming down, staring at the ground with wide eyes and endless tears. never did you think minho would betray you. maybe it was naive to think like that.

“(y/n), wait up!” puffed out yeri as she met up with your figure at the exit. her chest heaved from the run she had to do to catch up.

neither of you spoke as yeri tried to find the words. “i’m sorry.” her voice was soft, almost afraid of breaking you any further.

-

nearly a week had passed since the incident at the mall. and you would be lying if you said you were alright.

every night you were reminded of what minho did to you as he sent you texts relentlessly. the spamming began after day one with him asking if you wanted to come over. when you didn’t respond, he continued to blow up your phone to see if you were okay. all the missed calls and texts drove you insane because you wanted so badly to reply. but you weren’t going to give in so easily. he hurt you in ways you couldn’t describe. it didn’t help that you were helplessly in love with him. seeing him give affection towards another female was inevitable, but you never thought it would hurt like this.

you weren’t surprised when you didn’t get any notifications from hana. you wanted to believe so badly that she was a good person but something felt off. you didn’t want it to be your jealousy speaking but you also didn’t want to be in denial either. this felt wrong because you and minho had never been so separated. but with each passing second, you felt yourself growing further part from him. you continued to drown in your depressed thoughts until a knock on your door interrupted.

“yes?” 

“oh, you don’t sound so excited to see me.” joked a familiar voice as they stepped in, closing  the door behind them.

you grinned, immediately sitting up and opening your arms for your friend, han jisung. the boy wasn’t shy in returning the hug, laughing at your brightened expression.

“sungie! what are you doing here? you didn’t even think to call me?” your voice was nothing but playful, nudging his arm in the process.

jisung took a seat beside you on the bed and chuckled. as he made himself comfortable, he spoke up. “i felt like being spontaneous.”

the air was always light when it came to jisung. he was able to make everyone feel welcomed despite his social anxiety. the contradiction always made you love him more, as a friend of course. you admired him for a moment, feeling somewhat calmer. it was obvious to jisung that something was wrong, though. minho might’ve told him to check up on you because if you were ignoring him, then he knew you wouldn’t let him into your home. but jisung could also tell from your face that you weren’t okay.

“hey, what’s going on? you can tell me.” 

his sudden change from bubbly to concerned shocked you, making you freeze in your spot. you hadn’t even noticed the smallest of tears that were forming in your eyes, finally being able to unleash any form of disappointment that you were holding in. jisung was not prepared to see you falter so quickly as he reached forward, holding your hands in his lap as he let you cry for a moment in silence. as soon as you were ready to catch your breath, you laid the truth on him.

“minho lied to me. and to make matters worse . . . he lied to me with hana.”

jisung was taken aback at those words because minho? lied to you? there’s no way. he snorted, shaking his head as he was in disbelief. however, as he studied your expression again, he noticed that you were still crying. the boy clenched his jaw as he was now visibly angry. he knew how much that rule meant to you and minho, as it meant something to jisung as well. he was there when minho got his heart broken, when he was the one who was lied to. and now minho had completely ignored that because of someone he barely knew. you didn’t deserve this, no one did. 

“(y/n), i’m so sorry.” much like yeri, that’s all he could say. 

because he knew how much this hurt you, and there was nothing that he could say that would change how you were coping. he wanted to ask what happened, but he also didn’t want to push you. 

“why are you sorry? it’s him that should be sorry.” you replied bitterly as you wiped at your eyes. 

you thought you looked pathetic, but jisung thought the opposite. he couldn’t even imagine what you were going through, and he always knew how close you two were. deep down he also knew how you felt about minho. this was more than just your best friend lying to you, no. 

ring ring ring

the sound of your phone ringing made you snap out of it, immediately searching for it so that you could read the caller id. once you had it in your hands, your eyes widened in shock.

“it’s hana . . . should i answer it?” you whispered.

“sure, but i don’t know why you’re whispering.” you reached over and swatted his arm at his sass.

without thinking much of it, you swiped right and pressed the phone to your ear. jisung didn’t think that you would actually do it, considering you had neglected minho’s calls. although he did believe it would be easier to speak with hana as you weren’t as close with her. after holding in your breath for a long second or two, you released out a greeting.

“hello?”

“mhm, (y/n)-ah. i’m glad you picked up. i’ve been meaning to talk to you.” 

something about the way she spoke didn’t sound genuine, and jisung could notice it from a mile away. you furrowed your eyebrows as he pointed at your phone, mouthing the words ‘speaker phone’ to you. you decided to risk it as jisung would be your witness for whatever would go down. you switched it to speaker.

“oh, hi hana. what did you want to speak with me about?” you said straightforwardly. 

there was a chuckle on the other end that sent chills down your spine. “i’m not stupid, (y/n). i know you saw minho and me at the mall together. i don’t blame you for acting the way you are, i would probably do the same.”

both you and jisung looked at each with wide eyes. you didn’t expect her to be so blunt with her thoughts, however you were expecting something bitchy. biting on the inside of your cheek, you listened to her continue.

“i mean, you should be jealous. minho asked me on a date, and he told me he loves me. we are now dating, and we are very happy. he’s very happy. and now that we are together, i’m telling you to stay away from him.”

you could feel the fresh wave of tears pooling in your eyes as you heard her read out your worst nightmare. minho was in love with someone else, and to make matters worse, it was with hana. everything inside of you clenched painfully as you felt your heart sink to your stomach. this was way worse than having minho lie to you. you prayed to any god or deity that the situation couldn’t get any worse than it already was but they refused to listen to you. the universe was against your idea of sharing love with minho as it did everything in its way to tear you two apart. you should’ve kept count of the time you had left with him until he was taken.

but hearing her say that you needed to stay away from him wasn’t an option in your head. you can handle him lying, and being in love with someone else. it hurt, god it hurt so badly, but you could handle it if it meant he was happy. you would rather have minho happy instead of not having him at all. you were passionate in that belief, and you weren’t going to let hana tell you otherwise.

“no.” 

“i wasn’t asking, (y/n).” her tone was more intimidating than before, yet you held your ground.

“i said no. i’m not budging on this, hana. i’m not letting him go.” you protested.

there was another pause in between the conversation, and you thought you had won for a second. but hana was always a step ahead of you, planning her attack head-on like she had rehearsed every possible outcome in her head.

“why are you still holding onto him? you’re just a burden, don’t you see that? he’s only pitying you. now that he has me, he doesn’t need to keep having you around. you should learn to take a hint.” 

she spat her words at you, shooting her venom in your most sensitive spots. for a moment, you had entirely forgotten that jisung was still in the room. you tried not to let her words get to you, but they did. hearing that he was only pitying you sent you over the edge as you hung up the phone, throwing it at the floor angrily. your hands formed into fists as you closed your eyes, trying to catch your breath. but with each inhale, you felt as if you were suffocating. you wanted to wake up from this terror but you knew it was just a twisted reality. you didn’t even notice how your form was shaking from overwhelming emotions until jisung had reached over, pulling you closer into a side hug. he was just as speechless as you, if not more.

he shushed your cries, knowing it was the only thing you could do.

-

a few hours had passed at this point, and you didn’t even notice how you fell asleep with jisung. normally you two would split between the floor or the bed, but it was clear that you were exhausted. the afternoon had turned into nightfall, your open curtains inviting the moon. if you weren’t so out of it, you would’ve admired it’s beauty. you peered over as jisung was curled up beside you under the sheets, one arm wrapped loosely around your shoulders and the other over his face. he was such a good friend that you didn’t know how to thank him. he did not need to stay here by your side yet he did. he would never admit it, but he was incredibly selfless. as you tried adjusting your sight, you realized your eyes were puffy from crying, and it honestly hurt to try and focus in the dark.  you laid your body back down, snuggling deeper into your comforter before trying to head back to rest. without warning, your door swung up to reveal a worried minho.

“what the fuck is this?” 

his voice boomed through the room, causing you and jisung to bolt upright out of bed. your attention turned to a frantic looking minho clutching his phone in his hands. there was a vein popping out on the side of his neck from how stressed out he was, and his hair was disheveled from constantly running his hands through it. anyone would be able to see how fucked up he was over this. not to mention minho was worried sick because you still were not answering your phone, and now jisung wasn’t. when he called yeri to check up on you, she revealed that jisung had slept over. minho was furious, but for what?

“why haven’t you been answering your phone? do you know how worried i’ve been about you, i thought you died!” he started, then pointing his finger at jisung. “and you, what the hell do you think you’re doing in (y/n)’s bed?”

jisung gulped in fear as he avoided eye contact, trying to find the words to reply. never had the older male raised his voice like that at anyone, much less jisung. minho could be scary when mad, but you weren’t going to let behave like this. you believed he didn’t have a right to be so upset. because you weren’t going to let him do this to you, act like he was the victim and that you hurt him. he hurt you first, didn’t he see that? or was he really that blind? 

“first off, i don’t need your permission to have anyone stay the night so don’t talk to him like that. two, i don’t need to answer to you or anyone else but myself.”

minho chewed at the inside of his cheek, a death stare focused on you. “excuse me?”

“i said that i don’t need to answer to you. shouldn’t you be with your girlfriend anyway? it’s obvious you care more about her than you do about your friends. go, we don’t want you here.” you sneered at him, placing your hands on your hips firmly.

“what are you talking about, (y/n)? i don’t have a girlfriend. you’re not making any sense-”

“do not lie to me a second time!” you yelled.

both jisung and minho froze as they heard you raise your voice. minho knew what you could be like when you were furious like this, but he never thought you would be like that with him. it hurt a little as you stared at him like so sternly, so unwelcoming. for once in your friendship, he felt like he was trespassing. that shouldn’t be an issue between you two. minho tried to process his thoughts until he caught your words again, repeating it over and over in his head. guilt began to settle within him as he pursed his lips, thinking of saying something. however, nothing came out. all he could do was stare at the ground with shame digging itself into his skin. you deserved better than this. minho promised you so many things, and he had broken every single one. it was ironic, really, for someone who feared a broken heart. 

“(y/n),” he started hesitantly. “it’s not what it seems. let me explain.” 

you snorted while rolling your eyes. “really? because from what i remember, you promised me. you promised me you would never lie to me, or keep secrets from me. you lied to me!” 

your throat became thick as you tried swallowing any sobs that were bound to come up. you had pent up all of your frustration that this was finally the time you let minho have a piece of your mind. you wanted to scream at him, fight him, and hurt him. but all you could do was unleash the pain you had been holding in. 

“i never thought you would do this to me, minho. i never thought- i never thought you could just give up this friendship to someone who barely knows you! i always pictured you’d be with someone kind and full of love but she is a monster, don’t you see that minho? she is a bitch and-”

“wait, wait, wait. are you talking about hana? why are you saying these things about her? i know you’re upset with me, but don’t pull her into this.” he defended her, folding his arms across his chest.

your heart sank a little further as he didn’t immediately deny the fact that they were dating. instead, he defended her actions, and her role as his girlfriend. you were devastated; so it was true. you should’ve seen it coming, but you never thought it would be this soon. 

“hyung, (y/n) is telling the truth.” jisung tried to interfere, nevertheless, minho glared daggers at him.

“i’m not speaking to you right now. quiet.” he demanded.

his voice was eerily calm, making jisung cower in fear. you were not going to do that, though. you were going to stick up for yourself and the hell that hana had unleashed onto you. there is no way that minho could be so dull to not see the true colors of this girl. or maybe you were far too used to overestimating him.

“why is it that when it’s her word versus mine, you automatically defend her? am i not your best friend? i feel like i mean nothing to you anymore.” 

minho scoffed. “you’re being overdramatic. hana means a lot to me as well-”

“no, it’s obvious she means more to you. do you know what she did to me today, by the way? she told me to stay away from you, to never see you again or else. does that sound like someone you want in your life, lino?” 

you waited to hear reassuring words from your best friend, but instead, all you heard was the love of your life pushing you out of the way. his nostrils flared slightly in anger as he clenched his jaw, and his instinctively formed fists. never had he thought to raise his voice at you, but that was pushed away when the words left his mouth without control.

“you listen to me, and you listen carefully, (y/n). i don’t want you to ever speak of her like that ever again,” he pause to take a deep breath.

“it’s really low of you to be this jealous that you have to tear down the people that matter to me. i thought you were better than that.” he clicked his tongue, giving you a stare of disappointment. 

you couldn’t decide what hurt more, the fact that minho defended her or that he didn’t believe you. jisung wished to speak up and to let his friend know the truth, but he didn’t want to be scolded once more. the silence in the room was chilling, leaving goosebumps to arise on your arms. this had to be fake; this wasn’t the minho you knew and loved. tears had fallen past your eyes and onto your scorched cheeks. that sinking feeling returned to the pit of your stomach as it swallowed you whole. minho stared back with just as much intensity, knowing he hated seeing you cry especially when he was the cause. but he refused to back down from his word. instead he shook his head, turning around to walk out the door. you could hear the slam of the front door from your room, making you jump in fear. you were still unable to move from your spot as shock filled your system. did that really just happen?

you hadn’t even noticed the way jisung chased after his hyung. he pushed his short legs to run faster until he was now out of your apartment and near the parking lot. minho was walking rather fast with his stance intimidating but the younger boy didn’t care. he needed him to know the truth, and to know that you weren’t exaggerating.

minho felt a shove at the lower end of his back, causing him to trip a bit in front of him. when he whipped around to view who it was, a growl slipped his lips.

“yah, do you have a death wish?” jisung was not surprised to hear that.

“no, but do you? do you know what (y/n) has been going through ever since this hana girl entered your life? hm? do you? she’s telling the truth, i was here with her when that call took place.” 

minho chuckled bitterly. “i can’t believe you’re on her side here. i thought you were my friend.”

jisung’s eyes softened, showing just how upset he was over this. minho was not prepared for what came next, however, as the dongsaeng questioned every motive he had. 

“i am. and do you know what i value most in our friendship? no secrets, no lies. isn’t that the same promise you were supposed to keep with (y/n)? and here you are, breaking that promise. trying to validate what you did is inexcusable, man. why would she lie?”

the older of the two was at a loss of words as the guilt he faced earlier returned. it swirled around his body like an uninvited wind, reminding him how cold he felt in the situation. there was no reason for you to lie, so why was it that you would make something up like this? that’s the thing; you would never make this up. the realization was beginning to settle in him as minho came face to face with reality. he had hurt you, and made it out to be your fault. he took the side of someone he barely knew over you. over his best friend. over the love of his life.

“shit,” he muttered while throwing a hand to over his face.

this made jisung smile sadly, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “maybe you should fix this. just maybe.” 

letting out a groan, minho cursed at himself. he had fucked up so badly. jisung was quick, though, to ask a question that was still clearly in his head. “are you really dating hana by the way?”

minho shook his head and scoffed. “no.”

minho glanced up from his solemn expression and nodded.normally he would come back with another scary remark but he didn’t have the energy to do it. he made his way back to your apartment with each step being heavier than the previous one. owning up to his mistakes wasn’t something he was used to. never had he hurt this badly before, so he was bound to face something completely new. taking all the courage he could, minho opened your door to see a vacant front room. yeri must’ve been somewhere else, which he wasn’t complaining about. no doubt she would’ve chewed his ass out. minho continued on until he was right outside your door. as his hand went to turn the golden knob, he heard a heartwrenching sound.

you held a hand over your mouth as you sobbed in your bed, your body curled up to offer any form of comfort it could. the words of your best friend replayed over and over until you could no longer bare it anymore. you were broken into pieces, scattering yourself so that they would be hard to find. but minho had the power to put you back together, despite how long it would take. 

you felt a body weigh down beside you on the bed, immediately reaching its arms around you. as your eyes fluttered open, the sight of him was made aware, making you sob harder. minho shushed you, combing back your hair from your eyes as he held you in place. you didn’t fight him, you didn’t scream at him, no. you let him hold you so that he could mend your broken pieces back together. this was his damage he had caused, it only seemed right to take care of it. 

“i’m sorry. i’m so sorry.” 

you shook your head almost instantly. “you’re just saying that. don’t lie to me-”

“i’m not. hey, look at me,” he whispered.

your eyes met his again, making you shiver. it had been so long since you were this close to him. it felt familiar, like home. because that’s what he was to you. nothing could ever change that, even if he had crossed you. 

“i will never lie to you again. you mean so much to me.” 

unlike his tsundere personality, his voice was soft as it wavered in the air. those words alone made your heart begin to beat again with a sense of excitement you thought you lost. that excitement began to build as he grew closer, his face fearlessly nearing yours. his eyes never left yours, and you felt the overwhelming urge to close the gap between you. and so you did.

your lips molded against each other in a way you couldn’t describe. you were exploring new found territory, having experience something you never deemed possible. it was gentle, but powerful. his hands caressed your lower back as he held you closer to himself, chests up against each other. fireworks were an understatement. it felt like the universe was finally aligning again to ensure your happiness. it was a comforting hug that let you knew everything was going to be alright. it was minho showing you that you were more than hana would ever be. 

as he drew back, he pressed his forehead against yours. he couldn’t help but to say the words he had been holding back on ever since the day you met.

“i love you, (y/n).”

your eyes bulged as you looked at him in disbelief. these were words you were wanting to hear for so long. but were they genuine? or to make you feel better? you grew defensive before letting your heart speak any truth.

“i don’t need you to patronize me, minho. if you’re just saying that . . . “

“i’m not. i sincerely love you, (y/n).” 

“what about hana?” your insecurities were back at it again, and doubting anything that minho had said to you. you heard him chuckle as he responded coolly. “i was never with hana. i love you.”

a smile broke out on your lips. “no secrets, no lies?”

“no secrets, no lies.”

soooooo this is really shitty and im really sorry :/ I’ve been writing this for so many weeks and this is all i got out of it lmao <333 might make a part two with smut HA let me know if y’all want that thanks for the request @minholuvs

[itadorisgf]

shopping trip.

you rope maki into going shopping with you. though she’d rather by anywhere else, she doesn’t appreciate it when someone tries to ruin her best friend’s day.

wc: 1.4k

maki zenin.

gn!reader, best friend!reader, hurt/comfort, non-consensual groping, light violence.

the door slams against the wall with a loud smack as you burst through into the room. you toss yourself onto the bed pressed up against the wall, sprawling onto your back and smiling up at its occupant.

“haven’t you ever heard of knocking?” maki peers over the top of her glasses, an unamused expression plastered on her face. she looks away from you, continuing to scroll through her phone as you squirm around until you get into a comfortable position.

“yeah, but i had something really important to tell you.” you’ve turned over to lie on your stomach, your face now propped up by your palms as you jut your lip out at maki, who doesn’t even bother to look your way.

“what was so important that you couldn’t knock on my door like a normal person?” 

unfortunately for maki, you bursting through her door without any warning is a regular occurrence. somehow you’ve never come in unannounced during a time when she was asleep or changing, which was surprising considering how often you liked to pop in to her room. it’s like you had a sixth sense in which you knew when would be a bad time to go bother maki. or maybe you’ve just gotten lucky so far. 

maki would lock you out, but she knows you would just pester her until she unlocked it and hung out with you. 

if possible, your grin widens even more, nearly splitting your face in half. “i need to go shopping and you have to come with me.”

“not a chance.”

“maki,” you whine, letting your arms slip out from under you and flopping fully down on your stomach with your cheek pressed up against the mattress. “please?”

“no,” she states, not even tearing her eyes away from her phone to reply to you. “why would i ever want to willingly go shopping when i have no reason to?”

“because i’m your best friend in the entire world and you love me so much.”

that may be true, but not a good enough reason for maki to get off her bed and go shop with you when the two of you could do something like spar instead. she gives you a deadpan look that has you quickly searching for another reason.

“i promise i’ll be fast and i’ll even buy you lunch.”

her lips curl into an approving grin and her eyes flash over to yours as she closes out of the application she was in.

“deal.”

you, in fact, were not fast.

maki should have known better, to be honest. you always take forever since you have such a difficult time deciding on whether or not you want to purchase something. the excuse of i’m not going to spend money on something i don’t love on your tongue as you clutch two different shirts in your hand, comparing them in an attempt to choose which one you should buy. you ended up buying neither of them.

maki’s just glad that the first thing the two of you did when you got to the mall was get lunch. you let maki choose the place, but warned her not to drain your pockets with what she wanted. she was tempted to buy something expensive to eat just to hear you grumble, but she opted for a meal that she enjoyed and wasn’t out of your price range.

lunch was nice, though maki slapped your hand away when you tried to steal some food off her plate. she eventually caved in and let you sneak in a few bites when you whined and pouted at her. in return, you let her try some of your food too.

right now, she was hanging around the entrance of the store you were perusing. mindlessly scrolling through social media because after the first few stores, maki blatantly refused to go into any more with you. you understood that shopping wasn’t really of interest to maki, so you left it at that and bounded into the shop without her.

however, you’ve been in there for awhile and maki was growing the slightest bit antsy. she couldn’t wait to get back to campus, rope you into some sparring for making her agree to come with you, and beat your ass as proper payment. yeah, that sounded nice.

“thanks for waiting for me!” maki looks up from her phone to see you bounce up to her with a few bags clutched in your hands. you bring up your hand to rub at the back of your head, jostling the bags in your grip, as you give her a sheepish grin. “sorry, i know i took longer than expected.”

“it’s no big deal.” she remarks, lightly hitting the side of your head with her palm. “are you done, though? because if you’re going to take another hour or something i swear—”

“just one more store,” you assure, walking into step with her, “i promise, i just wanted to stop by the candy store and buy some stuff for the others.”

she huffs underneath her breath at that. you really shouldn’t be buying others stuff when your allowance for this month is going to run out soon. maki cocks her head your way. “you shouldn’t buy—”

a startled gasp falls from your lips and maki whips her head around, trying to place why you made that noise. the sight that greets maki has her seeing red instantaneously. an older man has his hand firmly placed on your ass, a sick appraising look on his face. maki’s quick to react, ripping his hand off of you, a shocked expression replacing the previous one on the male’s face.

“what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” maki tightens her grip on his wrist, causing the man to wince in pain. good. she was going to shatter his damn wrist. “huh? aren’t you going to say anything? got nothing better to do than be a fucking pervert?” maki sneers, digging her nails into his skin. she hopes he fucking bleeds.

“aa—let go, you crazy bitch.”

a dangerous grin spreads across maki’s face. “i’ll show you just how fucking crazy—”

“m-maki.” your voice shakes as you gently tug on the sleeve of her shirt. “let’s go.” her grip doesn’t loosen in the slightest, prompting the man to yelp in pain. “please.”

she tosses the man’s arm out of her grip, glaring down at him. “if i see you harassing anyone else, i’ll break your arm.” he scampers away, clutching his wrist and murmuring psycho bitch underneath his breath.

the deep frown marking maki’s face softens when she turns her attention back to you. you’re slightly shaking, holding your bags in an iron grip. your head hangs low with your eyes trained on the ground. maki feels anger rise up once more within her; she should go back and beat the fucking shit out of the man for putting his hands on you.

“hey.” she gently places her hand on your shoulder to get your attention. you flinch from the touch, causing maki to retract her hand back as fast as she can. scratch that, she was going to kill him.

“sorry,” you softly murmur, bringing a hand to rub at your arm. why are you apologizing for anything?

“don’t apologize. it’s not your fault.” maki takes care to emphasize that it’s not your fault. it’s nobody’s fault but that stupid bastard’s. “are you good with me touching you?”

you nod your head an imperceptible amount. she awkwardly wraps her arms around your form, engulfing you in a hug. you’re unbearably stiff for a moment before you lift your arms to clutch at the back of maki’s shirt. she doesn’t comment on the dampening of her shirt and just holds you in a hug.

when you pull away to rub at your eyes, there’s a small watery grin playing at your lips. “who knew maki zenin was such a softie?”

she scowls at that, gently poking the side of your head with her finger. “shut up. i’m not.”

her retort is half-hearted and it’s clear that both of you know it. secretly, maki is just relieved that you’re joking again. begrudgingly, she lets you loop your arms together and lean into her side as you start walking again.

“c’mon, i still want to go to the candy store.”

(later, when you get back to campus and confide in the others about what happened, they discreetly exchange glances with one another, resolving themselves to beat the shit out of that man if they ever come across him.)