#In a sense the “thanks for finding me” has a bit of a dual meaning haha

[curscival]

Happy one year since the Owl House finale <3

[doumadono]

My sincerest congratulations on your milestone, hon! 🎉🥳 I want to request "Realizing they’re falling in love" with Dabi, Hawks, Shoto and Bakugo, if possible in headcanons format

BNHA boys realizing they’re in love - headcanons

A/N: thank you oh so much, love! Your support means the world to me ♥

MASTERLIST

Dabi

Dabi's realization that he's falling in love is marked by an internal struggle. He's fiercely independent and has always believed that emotions are a weakness, so acknowledging his feelings is a battle against his own principles.

His attraction is laced with a sense of danger and forbidden allure. Dabi finds himself drawn to your unwavering determination and willingness to stand by his side, even as he remains shrouded in mystery.

As Dabi falls deeper, his rough demeanor occasionally melts away, revealing a more tender side. He may let his guard down when you're alone, sharing stories from his past or allowing a genuine smile to grace his lips, only for it to vanish as quickly as it came.

He often finds himself lost in thought, pondering whether he deserves happiness or if his actions have forever condemned him to a life of darkness.

He starts paying more attention to the details of your interactions, almost obsessively analyzing every word and gesture. Dabi's internal struggle manifests in his occasional distance, as he battles his own inner demons.

While uncertainties may still linger, he's come to realize that the depth of his emotions is a strength, and that love perhaps has the power to reshape not only his destiny, but also his perception of himself.

Hawks

Hawks' realization that he's falling in love comes with a mix of surprise and intrigue. He's used to navigating complex situations, but matters of the heart have always been a bit of a blind spot for him.

His attraction to you is accompanied by a desire to make you smile. Hawks becomes increasingly attuned to your moods and goes out of his way to provide comfort and support, often resorting to his sense of humor to lighten the mood.

He finds himself seeking out your company not only during downtime but also in the midst of his hero duties. Hawks secretly enjoys your conversations and becomes a master at multitasking, balancing his work and his growing affection.

Hawks' love is built on mutual respect and a shared sense of purpose. He's attracted to your determination and your unwavering belief in the importance of heroism, and he finds himself more drawn to you as you work together to make the world a better place.

Despite his easygoing facade, Hawks experiences moments of vulnerability when he's alone with his thoughts. He questions whether he's capable of reciprocating your feelings and worries about the impact his dangerous lifestyle might have on your potential relationship.

Hawks' journey towards embracing his feelings becomes an integral part of his character development. He learns that vulnerability doesn't equate to weakness and that opening his heart might be his most courageous act yet. As he navigates this new territory, Hawks finds himself on a path of self-discovery, growth, and a deeper understanding of what it truly means to be a hero.

Shoto

Shoto's realization that he's falling in love is marked by a quiet and introspective process. He's used to keeping his emotions in check, so acknowledging his feelings takes time and careful contemplation.

His attraction is rooted in a deep admiration for your strength and kindness. Shoto finds himself drawn to your unwavering support, especially during moments when he grapples with his past and the complexities of his family.

He might leave a carefully selected book on your desk or prepare a warm cup of tea after a particularly challenging day, using his own experiences to empathize with your struggles.

He becomes more open about his own emotions as he navigates his feelings for you. Shoto shares his thoughts about his parents and siblings, his struggles with his dual Quirks, and his dreams for the future, creating a deeper level of understanding between you.

Shoto's love is quiet but steadfast. He's willing to stand by your side through thick and thin, offering his unwavering support and stability even as he continues to grapple with his own inner conflicts.

He finds solace in the simple act of holding your hand or sharing a comfortable silence, allowing your presence to be a source of healing and reassurance.

Bakugo

Bakugo's realization that he's falling in love is met with intense frustration. He's not one to easily acknowledge his emotions, and the idea of being vulnerable in this way infuriates him.

His attraction is laced with a mix of admiration and exasperation. Bakugo finds himself drawn to your ability to stand your ground against him, even as he struggles to come to terms with his own feelings.

Bakugo's expressing his affection through action rather than words. He might go out of his way to train with you, pushing both of you to your limits, or subtly lend you a hand when you least expect it.

He starts showing a more protective side, even if he tries to hide it behind his explosive temper. Bakugo's concern for your safety becomes evident when he's more willing to work as a team and takes extra precautions during battles.

Bakugo's love is fiery and intense. He becomes fiercely loyal and is willing to face any challenge head-on to ensure your happiness and well-being.

Despite his gruff exterior, Bakugo experiences moments of inner turmoil. He's torn between his pride and his growing feelings, leading to inner monologues where he wrestles with his own vulnerability. "Damn it, fucking shit, why does this have to happen? Stupid emotions! I don't have time for this crap!"

Bakugo's gradually letting his guard down in your presence. He might crack a rare smile or engage in playful banter, allowing glimpses of his more genuine self to shine through.

[true-blue-sonic]

Tell me about Silver’s humility

From what I can tell, humility is defined as "being humble" where humble is defined as being not proud, haughty, arrogant, full of yourself, or seeing yourself as someone important. It can also mean that you are meek, or submissive to others/low in a hierarchy, it seems.

Based on those definitions, I would argue Silver hardly, if ever, shows humility. In '06, he spends multiple in-game voice lines hyping up his powers and himself as a solution for troubles he comes across, for example: thus, he has a strong confidence in himself and his powers (where especially the latter is not misplaced). I can also recall him calling enemies "trash" and stating that he'll take them all out and such, which is also not very humble of him. Most notably, he makes zero attempts to apologise to Sonic for the dual attempts on his life or the fact Silver's interventions directly led to Elise getting kidnapped again both times. Sonic clearly doesn't mind, but I am not sure to what extend we can argue Silver feels bad about it or is angry at himself for what happened. I don't get the feeling it knocked his self-perception down a few pegs? Overall, "extremely confident in himself, his abilities, and capabilities to save the world" alongside a generally assertive nature (as his moments of dependency on Blaze are very short-lasting and apparently only present in the English script, or so I heard; he also generally seems to be the one making the decisions that Blaze follows) seem to fit Silver best in '06. The only moment wherein I can think of him being more meek is when Amy snatches him off the streets to help her look for Sonic and after his fallout with her, and that does not translate 1-on-1 to humility, I would argue.

The Rivals games up Silver's temper a notch, and he's noticeably ruder and snappier to others. However, I find it interesting that this temper comes accompanied by Silver also trying to "play mediator". In the very first cutscene of his story in Rivals 1 he is trying to talk to "Eggman" as opposed to fighting him immediately, for example. And there is more instances wherein he is not the one explicitly instigating a fight, or where he is trying to talk to other characters (such as explaining to Shadow that "Eggman" might not be who he is). Most importantly, he concludes his story by stating the past will be safe as long as Sonic and Shadow are around, and he notably describes them as brave (Knuckles however can apparently go fuck himself lol). I doubt that that is a clear indication that Silver is humble, but he can show appreciation for what others do for him and he can see others' talents and good traits. And in Rivals 2, he is genuinely grateful for Espio's help, thanking him multiple times in the games for what he is doing. Also here he is far from humble and Espio doesn't boss him around at all, but we can see that Silver is not so full of himself it makes him unable to accept anyone's help.

Also in other games, even those wherein he is calmer, I would not describe Silver as notably humble. In Colours DS he is disappointed by the lack of a fight Orbot and Cubot can deliver after expressing eagerness to see what "robots from this era" can do, and in Generations he says his rematch with Sonic will be fun: he clearly is confident enough to enjoy fighting, and even seems to look forward to it. I doubt someone who is not sure of himself and his capabilities would be so enthusiastic, if that makes sense. Though, I do have to think about a Sonic Channel story now, wherein Silver is quite clear he's not trying to be a hero but just wants to help out and stop calamity from happening. Perhaps that can be seen as humility? In this story he's generally quite a bit calmer and a bit more apologetic than in the games themselves, I feel like. Plus, he shows unwavering faith in Sonic as well, and he might be downplaying his heroics somewhat at the end? So maybe! Those are traits I would describe as humble, but it might also be Silver just not caring about what other people think about him so much.

Overall, the best conclusion I can give is that Silver holds an appreciation for his friends and values them and their abilities, but he also has an unwavering faith in his own, and for good reason. Not exactly the trademarks of a humble person, but I think he is able to like... not be overtly haughty and arrogant and in that way incapable of changing his opinion or cooperating, so to say. And the Sonic Channel story has him display a more humble demeanour with a focus on him not being a hero, but just a helpful person. So when it comes to Silver being humble, I think that is the best place to look!

[deciphertheriddler]

hi, noticed that you use both dano and hasan as fcs. i know hasan is the voice of the riddler in unburied and this is a different version, but i find it a bit odd to see two races for the same character being played, especially since hasan is being delegated the minor role in comparison. its your blog and of course its your choice how you run it, but i wanted to give a nudge that that might not sit well with some people.

Hi! First of all, thank you for the respectful way you approached the topic :) I really don't mind receiving nudges about things I might do wrong.

Now... This is a bit difficult for me. When I first started this blog, I thought they'd get more balanced threads and that I'd have to beg people to play with Dano!Riddler... But I also thought I wouldn't be here for more than a week and people would hate me, so that's on me. It certainly didn't go as I originally planned. I did also have a plan of watching Gotham and having a verse for that - but I got too lazy, and the mixed reviews didn't make me very excited about it. From the very beginning, I planned to have multiple Riddler interpretations on this blog, because I loved those versions equally and wanted to try my hand at it.

While I get what you mean about having the one with a POC FC not being my main, I do consider them as different people, but with the same core. For example, hasan riddler is a gemini, dano riddler is a cancer. They have different struggles and disabilities. While both have OCD, I approach it in different manners. Hasan Riddler is more comic compliant and I plan to rewrite his background to reflect that (and you can also notice that they have different backgrounds and deal with frustrations differently).

My Hasan Riddler is talkative, social, can be charming, has a real terror of being called or being insane, is always stuck into the "am I a villain? can I be something different?" thing, is a man who was removed from his origins and is seeking to find root, to understand himself, connect to something.

Dano Riddler is socially awkward, has a very unstable behavior, is certain he's, in fact, insane and nothing can be done about it, so he might as well use it in his favor. He seeks to do something with all the anger he has, anything to give him answers for his life.

While at the core they're smart, like riddles and are obsessive, I write them as different people. I'd see my blog more like a dual muse, honestly. They can't just change places, one doesn't erase the other. When I write Dano Riddler with comics in mind, I always have to rethink everything. For example, Dano Riddler would never become a private investigator, while Hasan Riddler does. Hush comic arc I think makes much more sense to Hasan Riddler, for Dano Riddler I'd have to rewrite it all. Even something as simple as Pandora's box, the BDSM club, they have a different relationship with it. Hasan Riddler is a person who has friends, who people genuinely likes and he usually doesn't notice or give it too much importance.

I also do write taking notice that they are of different races and that makes them different from the very beginning. They have different outlooks on life. I always try to make sure this is being taken into consideration.

Now, If I were to change it now, what could really be done? I stop playing Hasan Riddler? Wouldn't that be worse? I do Hasan Riddler as main instead? But he wouldn't fit in most of the threads I have because they're not interchangeable. I give Hasan Riddler a sideblog? Still, relegating him to a minor space. Give him a blog of his own? While this is possible, that would overwhelm me and I would probably not be able to keep both accounts active.

I can try giving him more interactions, maybe write more opens, that's definitely something I'd like to do. Other than that, I'm not really sure what could be done. If you have an idea or a different approach I could have, I'll gladly listen to anyone's input. And this is not meant as a "I'm right, and I'd never do anything wrong" sort of answer, I acknowledge I can be wrong, but I'd like to explain my vision. You're welcome to come on or off anon to discuss more about it if you'd like. I also hope this made sense.

[theclockworkmonk]

Out of the Mouths of Babes — Chapter 4

Read on AO3

Read on FFNet

Chapter 1 on Tumblr

Chapter 2 on Tumblr

Chapter 3 on Tumblr

Written for Hinny Ficfest 2021

Prompt: “Uncle Ron said something about Harry knocking Ginny up, but I don’t know what he means,” Teddy said.

*******

Ginny had disappeared, dragged through the kitchen door, before Harry could come up with an excuse to keep her by his side. He sighed and took a long gulp from his glass of firewhiskey, welcoming the burning sensation down his throat. Whatever his family was so wound up about, Harry knew he wasn't in danger here, so he hoped the drink would dull his overactive auror instincts so he could enjoy the evening.

"So...how's the shop?" asked Harry, choosing to focus on George, "any accidental new body parts I can't see?"

"Harry, I'll have you know that we ascribe to only the highest of safety standards at Weasley Wizard Wheezes," said George with his nose in the air, "We strictly adhere to a dual-fault system to make sure a trained wizard is on-site to intervene in case of emergency."

"By that he means that he doesn't try any weird shit on himself without me there to rush him to St. Mungo's," said Ron with his mouth full, wincing as his mother smacked him in the back of the head with a wooden spoon for his language.

Harry's eyes narrowed at his best friend. "So you two are already partners now? Really wasting no time on bailing on me, aren't you?"

"Don't be a prat!" grumbled Ron. "No, like I said, it was just a thought that I had. You know, the kind of thought you would hope you could share with your best mate without him jumping down your throat?"

"Well I think it's a marvelous idea," Mrs. Weasley announced loudly from her place at the stove."

George's eyebrows shot up. "Who are you and what have you done with my mother? You're glad that another one of your sons is considering wasting his life at this silly business, instead of a respectable job at the Ministry?"

"Well, if said Ministry job involves chasing after Death Eaters every day," huffed Mrs. Weasley, "Then I suppose my nerves will take any alternative."

She sent a stern look towards Harry and pointed a threatening spoon at him, making him jump back. "You could do well to learn from Ron in that regard, Harry."

Ron was grinning ear to ear, bouncing in his seat from being the favorite child of the moment.

"There's nothing wrong with Ron doing the responsible thing." she lowered her voice to a grumble so Harry barely heard, "at least someone is."

Harry surveyed the tense atmosphere in the room again.

"Okay, what's got everyone in such a mood?" he asked, trying to sound casual.

"No one's in a mood!" said Mrs. Weasley quickly.

"Harry," Mr. Weasley spoke up for the first time, and his voice too was less assuring than Harry usually found it. "I'm having trouble with a fascinating new muggle device I've discovered, would you mind giving me a hand out in the shed?"

"Oh. Sure," said Harry easily. Mr. Weasley got up from the table and led Harry outside. They entered the man's infamous tool shed, and Harry noticed new mechanical and electronic devices in various states of disassembly. Mr. Weasley gestured to his work table, where a VCR sat.

"I've heard that muggles use this to see recorded images, like a pensieve, but I've put in those black blocks, and nothing happens."

"Oh, well," said Harry, trying not to laugh, "You need to attach it to a television. It can't just work on its—"

He was interrupted by the door opening again, and Harry was surprised to see Mrs. Weasley entering the shed which he always knew her to avoid, wanting nothing to do with her husband's "nonsense" tinkering.

"Molly, what are you doing here?" Mr. Weasley asked crossly, "We agreed we wouldn't. The boys—"

"I told them I was getting apples from the orchard," his wife said dismissively. She crossed the shed and looked beseechingly at a very surprised Harry.

"Harry, dear, you know how we think of you as a part of this family. We've been wanting to say….we hope that you don't think that has changed because of you and Ginny's relationship. We know young men have trepidation about 'the girlfriend's parents,' but you're not just our daughter's boyfriend to us, you're one of our own."

Harry was as touched as he was confused. "Th-Thank you, Mrs. Weasley," he said softly. "I can't tell you how much that means to me."

"And one reason we had no objection to you and Ginny dating," Mr. Weasley continued, "is that we trust you to always do right by Ginny. To always do what's best for her."

Harry looked back and forth between them, their expressions pointed and expecting.

"Well — ehem — I'll remember that. I promise to never do anything to hurt her." He meant it.

There was another moment of silence before Mrs. Weasley spoke up again.

"Sooooo…." she prompted. "We just want you to be aware that….should you decide to propose…you wouldn't have to worry—"

"What!?" Harry's heart leapt into his throat and he knew his face had turned scarlet. "Oh, no no," he said, putting his hands up. "I'm glad to have your blessing, but we're not ready to think about that yet."

Harry rubbed his neck nervously. It was only a half-lie. In truth, Harry was ready to think about that. He thought about proposing to Ginny damn near every day, in fact. But he was fairly certain that Ginny was still years away from being ready. She was fiercely proud of her independence and she was still dealing with the papers referring to her as "Harry Potter's girlfriend" before "star Harpies Chaser," even without marriage.

Mr. Weasley sighed in what seemed like disappointment and Mrs. Weasley's mouth thinned and her expression turned sour.

"Well...the roast should be done, we should all head back inside."

The Weasleys led the way out of the shed and Harry cautiously followed them. When they arrived back in the kitchen, Harry saw Bill shoot his father a stern, questioning look, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Mr. Weasley shake his head grimly, and Bill and Charlie gave Harry a glare that would make Mad-Eye Moody quake in his boots.

Harry froze and all the breath left his body. It suddenly all made sense. He was the thing that the Weasleys were so on edge about. Ginny's parents inquiring about him marrying her.

They had somehow found out that he and Ginny were living together.

Harry suddenly felt like a sheep in a cage with several wolves.

"Hey mum," said Charlie, "while you were outside, Aunt Muriel floo-called and said that the gnomes are in her attic again. Apparently she's upset at the way dad tried to take care of it last time."

"Is she sure it's actually the gnomes, or is it the doxies nesting in her hair?" Mr. Weasley grumbled as his wife shooed him into their sitting room and through their fireplace. Harry's heart was thudding in his chest as the few Weasleys he could count on to not murder him due to this secret getting out abandoned him with the curse breaker, dragon tamer, master prankster, and Ministry power-broker.

Several murderous eyes turned towards Harry.

"Look...er…" Harry stammered. "I really thought that, after everything, we had all moved past the whole 'overprotective big brothers' routine."

"Yeah, we thought we had too," said Charlie darkly, "but mum and dad's diplomatic approach clearly didn't work, so the gloves are off. I guess we never figured that the savior of the bloody wizarding world would do this to our sister."

George snorted, still finding this whole thing quite amusing. "Sorry, do this to her? Harry's the real victim here. Ginny's a nightmare already, can you imagine what living with her will be like now?"

"What the hell are you lot talking about?" Ron cut in, looking around the room in confusion.

"I think your brothers have become aware of me and Ginny's...status change," said Harry.

"Oh, that is just so typical!" huffed Hermione, crossing her arms and adopting her lecturing pose. "Ginny is perfectly capable of handling her own life and she doesn't need a bunch of chest-beating men to defend an outdated notion of her 'honour!' I still can't believe how sexist magical society can be sometimes."

"Yes, Hermione, our world is sexist, whether we like it or not" said Bill, not backing down. "You can pontificate all you want about how it's not right, or a double standard, but once the public finds out about this — and sooner or later, they will," he shot another glare at Harry, as if he wrote to the papers about it himself, "then it will change how people see her. And since she's a Quidditch star, the way people see her matters."

"Yup, can see the headlines now," George sighed dramatically, "the ambitious social climber Ginevra Weasley, raised in a pauper's home, so she used her feminine wiles to land herself this sweet gig."

"Look, ultimately, it's none of our business — no, I'm serious!" Ron finished in response to his brothers' looks of betrayal. "Look, Bill, Charlie, you two were only around when Ginny was a little girl. You didn't go to school with her. You never saw first-hand what happens when you try to meddle in her life to defend her virtue, trust me." He shivered a bit, as he remembered the traumatic memory.

"I don't even understand why we have to meddle," said Percy, "I just don't understand your logic, Harry. There's no question you would be willing to throw yourself into mortal danger all over again to protect Ginny. What you're hesitating to do is comparatively easy."

"His reasons don't matter, he should have thought of that earlier," said Charlie, pointing a threatening finger at Harry. "I don't care if this makes me a hypocrite, but you're going to do the right thing and—"

Ginny suddenly burst into the room, causing every word to fall silent. Harry knew that Ginny always hated it when people were obviously talking about her, but as he started towards her, he was surprised when he saw that her eyes were watery with tears. Ignoring all of the eyes on her, she ran straight towards Hermione, throwing her arms around her friend.

"Erm, is something wrong?" asked Hermione. She threw a questioning look to Fleur as she followed Ginny into the kitchen, but the young mother looked just as confused as anyone as she took Victoire back from Bill.

Instead of answering Hermione's question, Ginny withdrew from the hug and smacked Ron upside the head.

"Ah! What the shit!" Ron cried, rubbing the back of his head.

"Ronald, language!" scolded Mrs. Weasley, re-entering the kitchen along with her husband, making the room quite crowded.

"That's your main concern?" asked Ron, "Not the unwarranted physical assault?"

"It's not unwarranted, it's for being a stupid, forgetful git!" barked Ginny

She walked up to Harry and took his glass of firewhiskey, still mostly intact.

"I need this more than you," she informed him, and began to raise the glass to her lips.

"GINEVRA MOLLY WEASLEY!"

Mrs. Weasley's ear-piercing shriek caused everyone in the room to wince, and Ginny momentarily jumped behind Harry for protection. "Merlin's balls, WHAT!?"

"Molly…" Mr. Weasley cautioned.

"DO NOT 'MOLLY' ME, ARTHUR!" his wife shouted back. She had a crazed look in her eye and she was pulling at her hair. She rounded on Harry and Ginny.

"We have tried to be respectful, but you two are clearly not ready for this kind of responsibility! I am so disappointed in you both for not taking this more seriously! You haven't even given a thought to how this will affect your careers!"

"Our careers?" asked Harry, confused. "How would that possibly—"

Suddenly, everything clicked into place. He had gotten it completely wrong about what the Weasleys were talking about. The talk about responsibility, their careers, affects to Ginny's public image.

Somehow, the family had gotten word about the "honour" bestowed upon Harry by the Wizengamot, and all the implications that had for his and Ginny's future together. He supposed it wasn't too surprising that Arthur or Percy had heard about it through their Ministry connections.

He looked sideways at Ginny, and from one look he knew that she had come to the same realization. Both their faces split into wide grins as relief flooded through them that all of this drama was over something so silly. Apparently, the family somehow had the absurd idea that Harry would keep the title and actually take the status, power, and responsibilities being offered to him.

Harry and Ginny cracked up into delirious laughter, leaning on each other for support, which did nothing to help the livid look on Mrs. Weasley's face.

"Oh Merlin's beard, is that what has you all concerned? Don't worry about that," laughed Harry, waving one hand dismissively and wrapping the other around Ginny's shoulder.

"I mean, come on, we're obviously not keeping it!"

There was a moment of silence, then the entire kitchen exploded.

[vidavalor]

Bucky’s dual-era dog tags in TFATWS (and when & where he decides to wear them) are giving me some SamBucky-related vibes...

...in addition to the just interesting stuff related to Bucky’s various identity issues. So let’s talk the dog tags. 

First things first, these really do not seem like they’re Steve’s dog tags-- they’re Bucky’s own. Why? Look at the promo still below which is the best view I’ve seen of them in TFATWS. Notice that they are not of the same era. One of the dog tags is a WW2-era tag-- the darker, wider one is not only period-accurate for WW2, it’s identical to the ones Bucky was wearing during WW2 in the movie canon already, most visibly in the “let’s hear it for Captain America!” moment. The *other* dog tag Bucky is wearing in TFATWS, though, is of a more modern issue. It is the kind that would be made for soldiers now and over the last couple of decades. So, how does that mean that they’re Bucky’s and not just Steve’s and what does this have to do with Sam? 

Dog tags are only meant to be separated off the chain in the case of death, as everyone probably knows. Soldiers wear two tags with the same information on them into battle so that one remains on them if they die and the other can be pulled off the chain as proof of a fallen soldier during battle, with the army then usually passing the single chain to next of kin. If Bucky were wearing a pair of WW2-era dog tags in TFATWS, I’d say it was more possible that he was wearing Steve’s tags because Steve didn’t actually have them on when he went into the ice so, somewhere, Steve’s pair of WW2-era dog tags exist as a set, still on the chain. They probably wound up in the Smithsonian at some point but back to Bucky-- his, based on the canon we know, would have been separated after the freight car. 

Bucky was wearing his dog tags when he fell off the train car because he was at war. We know that the Russians found Bucky and then handed him back over to Zola. The Russians, to cover this up, would have taken one of Bucky’s dog tags and given it to the U.S. Army, claiming that they had found them washed up on the shore near where he fell or something. What did the U.S. Army do then? They didn’t know what Zola had done to Bucky beforehand that would enable him to survive the fall so they wouldn’t think to question the Russians on this-- they’d just be like hey, thanks for this and we’ll continue to do the same for you. They would have taken the dog tag and marked Bucky off as dead and then done the next thing, which is to give the dog tag to the soldier’s next of kin. 

Bucky died during war time and everyone knew he and Steve had been friends before the war so whatever general got the dog tag probably just gave it to Steve. Steve *could* have given it to Bucky’s sister at some point-- and we know she exists in the MCU because Bucky briefly mentioned her in TFATWS but we don’t know if he’s gone to see her yet-- but we also have no idea what she’s like in the MCU or if Steve might have just decided to keep the dog tag for himself. Given the trauma Steve went through of witnessing Bucky’s death and them not finding Bucky’s body, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to assume that even if Steve was the one who told Rebecca about Bucky’s death and all that, that he kept Bucky’s dog tag. The other one, that was on Bucky at the time when he was given back to Zola, was destroyed by Zola during him being brainwashed into The Winter Soldier. 

So, maybe through seeing Rebecca but probably really through Steve, Bucky gets one of his WW2 era dog tags back. Given that he isn’t seen wearing dog tags again until TFATWS, it’s likely that Steve gave it back to Bucky sometime in the Endgame aftermath before Steve went back in time. Let’s unpack how Steve’s heart was in the right place but that was a bit of a loaded gift here...

Free from being brainwashed-- as free as he’s been *since* WW2 anyway-- Bucky is essentially handed by Steve the symbol of what he just can’t be anymore-- that guy that Steve used to know. He’s still somewhat that guy but he’s been through so much that he’s not going to ever go back. Steve is into going back-- back to the same girl, back to the same era, back to a time when things felt less confusing and safer to him, where things will hurt less. Bucky has always been the absolute opposite of this-- while Steve was always desperate to fit the mode of the model man of the WW2 era, Bucky-- a good-looking, able-bodied soldier who can hot-blooded American male with the best of them-- was never a man of his time, always a bit ahead of it. Steve is Captain America-- Bucky is Captain World of Tomorrow. He’s more realistic about what America is because as a guy putting on a show for the world to pass in the society that Steve worships, Bucky has a very different perspective on all of it than Steve did. (See also, obviously, why Bucky and Sam understand one another and are better for one another than either of them with Steve.) Bucky is touched that Steve had this and is trying to do something nice by giving it back to him but it’s the singular dog tag bearing ‘James Buchanan Barnes’ like it’s literally being his own next of kin at this point as Steve’s about to go back into time-- it’s being handed a reminder of the demise of his sense of self and his *literal almost actual death* right when he’s trying to figure out how he’s going to view himself and what he’s going to do in this world now that he’s going to stay in the present. 

So, he’s not wearing it. He doesn’t really know what to do with it. He’s with Sam at the time (maybe not *with* Sam but I mean they’re sharing a lot of the same space, either at the Avengers compound or Sam’s apartment, in the whole Endgame aftermath time period but pre-TFATWS) and Sam sees it and Bucky tells him he’s putting it away because he can’t wear it. Steve was trying to do a nice thing but Bucky’s like I can’t wear one of these things, my old WW2 one-- it’d be like I was a walking corpse. Sam agrees. So, from here two things could have happened...

One is that Bucky could have made the decision to just get himself a modern secondary tag but keep in mind that Dr. Raynor actually had to clear Bucky for active duty and that wouldn’t have happened right away. More importantly, some military guys basically never take off their dog tags but we have evidence that Bucky used to actually *not* be like this so much. While he had them on during the war, much has been made (and should be made, for sure) about how Bucky’s wardrobe changes after his first encounter with Zola compared to when he first left for war. The Bucky in uniform on the double date with Steve is spiffy and spotless; the Bucky in the bar with Peggy and the Howlies is barely hanging on. The most major difference is how much he pushes his uniform away from his neck and stops wearing a hat-- some have theorized that Zola was trying an early version of the mind crown on Bucky before Steve found him, prompting Bucky to develop a trauma-induced need to have things away from his neck. 

This actually doesn’t change that much after Civil War, when he’s free from his handlers and on the run. By necessity, there’s a baseball cap at times but he wears a lot of henleys and there’s not actually any necklaces or dog tags until TFATWS. So, what changes? The addition of the modern tag and his reclaiming of the idea of being a soldier. So, the two options for how Bucky got the modern dog tag are really either a) he went and had one made for himself or b) Sam gave it to him. Let’s look at why the former would be kind of a healthy choice for Bucky but why it’s probably not likely to be what happened. 

One scene that stands out for me is the single scene in TFATWS where it’s really obvious that Bucky is *not* wearing the dog tags. They show up all over the place-- he has them on for basically the entire series. He’s even *sleeping* in them, waking up with them on during a nightmare where they’re prominent in the scene and then also in its contrasting scene, on the couch in Delacroix. So, the one scene we don’t see Bucky wearing them? His first therapy scene with Raynor. 

It’s made pretty clear that while Bucky got a thing or two out of his time with Raynor, it’s not really because of Raynor herself, who is basically a terrible trauma therapist. It’s also clear that Bucky doesn’t trust her and for good reason. We see that he really shouldn’t-- she’s forcing him into rules he can’t actually live by instead of helping him find ways through those scenarios when they invitably pop up (“don’t hurt anyone” is a recipe for failure) and she’s treating a man violated in every way under the sun in a way that’s invasive. She’s monitoring his phone. She threatens his compliance by *bringing out a book that she’s writing his secrets in* like... this isn’t the healthiest scenario here. What we also see is that Bucky subtly rebels against her. He somehow got himself cleared for active duty by her so he’s been b.s.ing her. He is later seen with a smart phone he knows how to use at Zemo’s (and had to have something on which he was online dating profile perusing) but Raynor thinks he just owns an old flip phone. So, it’s something really interesting that this is the one scene where we can’t see the chain of his dog tags. Why? Why doesn’t he want Raynor to know about them? 

Because he’s hiding what they mean to him. If he wore them in, he’d have to talk to her about them. The dog tags represent his real efforts to reconcile his identity and what he wants that to look like-- he’s vulnerable about them because they represent what little hope he has left. If Bucky had gone out and gotten that modern dog tag for himself and began wearing them, it’d be something healthy to share with Raynor. He’d want to show it off, all eager to show the doc the decision she’d see as healthy and let her analyze it with him. We know that Bucky is struggling to reconcile his identity-- it’s literally his whole story arc in TFATWS-- and yet, he’s wearing dog tags that cut to the chase of it, in a lot of ways. Which is why those dog tags were on in New York all the time except for with Raynor-- why he wore them to bed, even-- and why he leaves them on when he goes to see Sam. 

Sam got Bucky that newer tag. Probably when Raynor cleared him as a congratulations thing or maybe just when he saw Bucky left with a friend who went back in time and left him with nothing but a notebook of things to check out and a corpse necklace and felt for him. In essence, Bucky is wearing around another pair of dual identities in TFATWS-- the Bucky who died in WW2 and the Bucky who is still alive again now in the present-- as given back/given to him and represented by the once and future Captain Americas, who also happen to be the guys he’s loved (in different ways) the most in his life. That he’s wearing them is a sign that he wants to be Sgt. Barnes again-- this newer version of himself. It’s progress from the man who shuddered at stuff around his neck and TFATWS shows us that in other scenes as well, in other ways (his hoodie & jacket combo when they go to talk to Zemo; his signature jacket with a higher collar than we’ve seen him in since he left for war.) The wardrobe choices show an evolution-- a willingness to try to a new place of managing what he’s been through. 

But wearing those dog tags around Sam in TFATWS? (And wearing them when he and Sam weren’t really communicating ahead of it?) Yeah. The parallel to Bucky showing up in Delacroix with a whole new outfit for Sam’s new identity as Captain America is that it was Sam who gave Bucky the modern half of his dog tags (and the chain, which is lighter silver and from the present era) and that’s why Bucky has been wearing them. Steve gave him a reminder of the guy he used to be, even if that guy was still pretty dead but Sam gave him a duplicate-- one that represented the guy who belongs to more modern times and is alive. One tag is death; two is life. 

[kanene-yaaay]

Sentence Starter - Part 2

I decided to gather all my Sentence Starters in a post. This is the second round!

I know I already said thankys before but, really, thank you so much for your support, it means the world for me. <3

[~.~]

[Gee these covers are lumpy, better fix the covers up!]

"Gee, these covers are lumpy, better fix the covers up!" Mina wormed her hands under the giggly boy, fishing a loud shriek as she vibrated her thumb between his shoulder blades and her other hand squeezed his sides, resulting in a more desperate wiggling from her victim. "Squish, squish, squish the squirmy Ojiro to fix all the lumps!"

"I AHAHAM NOT A COHOHOVER!"

"Hmmm, I don't know if I am convinced," her eyes glinted when the blond arched his back and her hands immediately dashed to scratch his incredibly, horribly ticklish lower back. "I mean, why else would I find such a cute squeaky toy, oops, I mean, cover in my bed?" Bubbly squeals painted Ojiro's laughter almost as strong as the red that painted his cheeks as he shook his head, protesting.

"I ahaham not s-squeheheaky!" Mina's nails scribbled and grazed on his ribs, the quick, high pitched sounds that flied from his lips contradicting his own words. "That doesn't prove anything!" The tailed teenager managed to breath out before descending in belly laughter again.

His pink friend matched his laughter in response, slowing her silly tickly attack as tears began to form on the other's eyes, pinching and poking his tummy in order to keep the adorable giggles filling the air. The cute wiggles from him and his tail were a bonus, as well.

"Hard day?"

Ojiro nodded, a smile still plastered on his face.

"It was. Your behed is fluffyhihihi. Sorry fohohor intrudihihing."

She waved his worries off, "it's no problem! Just give me a warn next time so I won't lay on you again, okay?"

Ojiro snickered, remembering the scared screams from they both when a few minutes ago Mina decided to jump on her bed and didn't even realize the strange lump that was Ojiro sleeping under all the comforters and plushies.

"I will."

"Good." The pink haired girl then cracked her fingers, a dangerous smirk spreading on her face, probably an effect of being Bakugou's friend, and making goosebumps ran freely on Ojiro's spine.

"No no nohoho!" He shot his hands up in an a placating gesture, excited giggles already falling from his mouth. "I already agreed with you! Please!"

Mina pouted in faux empathy. "Sorry, friendo, but your squeaky squeaks and wiggly wiggley wiggles are just too much cute for me to not tickle you again!"

"Ihihi don't," a snort cut his sentence, "I don't dohoho any of that!" He says, in between his wiggles and squeaks.

"Well," She attacked his armpits, a blinding smile taking over her features as the other began to giggle and snicker non stop. "I am sure we can compromise, eventually."

[~.~]

[I wouldn’t say that with the position you’re in, star student]

"I wouldn't say that with the position you're in, star student." Sero grinned, the non said threat falling heavily between them.

Todoroki blinked, stopping his struggles to lay limply on the floor, still staring the black haired friend on top of him, the fake dagger pressed on his neck.

"It doesn't make sense." Sero threw his hands up, exasperated. Shoto turned to look at Momo, who signalized at Jirou to stop the filmation. "If he's just got into my house in the middle of the night to kill me how does he know about my grades?"

"Well, maybe you just look like a super genius or something!" The other actor retorted, shoving his face on his hands and then on the floor as Todoroki stared at him with an unconvinced expression.

"Or," Kaminari jumped in, ignoring his friends dramatics "he can be his archenemy, building his hate and revenge plan since Todoroki did.... Something bad at him in the school."

Todoroki piked up at the opportunity to put another conspiracy in the movies' plot. "That could make sense."

"Don't encourage him." Jirou smirked at the protesting 'hey!' shouted by the other, preparing another snarky remark before being cut by Momo's voice.

"We're not making any more changes on the plot. We will just remake this scene and then everyone can go home, okay?"

"I think Izuku would lose it if we asked for him to rewrite another part." Nods and mumbles of agreement to Sero's words filled the room as all the occupants remembered the boy's determined rant of why the dagger's blade shouldn't be completely straight nor silver. "Anyway, I still need to buy that new Fatgum's game that came out. Let's move on."

"I can't," the dual haired actor claimed, a blank face "you're sitting on top of me."

And, for a moment, as the pun sank on his friends' brain, only silence met him.

Then Jirou and Kaminari immediately broke in loud laughter, Momo hiding her own chuckles behind her hand.

"Oh my god," Sero bit his own laughter in order to try to look at least a bit serious as he attempted to glare at Shoto. "You think you are so funny, don't you?"

Smugly, Todoroki let the corner of his lips twitch.

"Let me help you to show what is funny, then!"

"Wait-" but he was too late, before the words even came out from his mouth Sero was already dancing his fingers on his sides, switching between squeezing them quickly to scribbling and prodding at his ribs, yelps and guffaws already spinning in the air. "Dohohon't! Wait, wahahahait!!"

The black haired friend laughed with him, his blinding smile and uncontrollable giggles being too much adorable to resist. "I think you actually meant 'I am very sorry for ever complaining about your great performance, my amazing friend Sero.', right?"

Todoroki shook his head, gasping and squirming harder when Sero experimented clawed at his stomach, a series of quiet nononono's and pleaseplease's spilling freely from his lips.

"Tsk. Not even close, man. But don't worry, we have aaaaall the afternoon." A snort escaped from Todoroki and he hid his face on his hands, making Jirou 'aww' and Kaminari shout a 'wait wait make he do it again!' "So take your time, OK?" And then, in a quieter voice "If I go too much far just hold my wrists and I will stop."

A barely there nod showed that the other had heard him, however, as his hands continued to hid his face, bright laughter and shy giggles still filled the studio for much more time.

[~.~]

[Oh yeah! I told you’d they’d win! Ha! Pay up, Midoriya!]

"Oh yeah! I told you they'd win! Ha! Pay up, Midoriya!"

"B-but this is not fair! Tokoyami bought the victory by offering to do Shoji's dishes! That is not a-!

"There is nothing against this in the rules." Tokoyami shrugged, still panting from the sparring. "And I just remembered there is Midnight-sensei's paper for tomorrow that I didn't even start."

"Sorry, Midoriya. But we will have much more training in the future, still, and your analysis really helped me! You're right, maybe starting to use some weapon, since a hand to hand combat can give my quirk some damage, will be a good advantage." The taller teenager waved at them, Dark Shadow mirroring him enthusiastically as they followed Tokoyami back at the dorms. "I should search for options before choosing. Thank you for the cheering."

Kaminari waved back before turning to Izuku, his smile getting bigger as he saw his protesting pout. "Aww, is someone angy?" He hugged him from behind, snickering when he saw a glimpse of a smile on the other's expression before an exaggerated frown took over, green eyes deviating from his teasing grin.

"I know you want to smile. ~" Denki delivered a couple of pokes on his stomach, an evil idea full of wiggly fingers and giggly squeals blossoming on his mind. "Maybe the 1-A sunshine need some cheering up after being such sore loser? ~"

Midoriya turned on his embrace, now being face to face at him, determination burning on his features.

"Maybe I do!"

And then he blew a raspberry right on that spot where his neck and collarbone met. A loud, surprised squeak answered him and he was quick to dig on Kaminari's hips, being so careful and so mindful to give plenty of attention and tickles to every sensitive inch of flesh, don't forgetting to still deliver smaller raspberries at random spots on the blond's neck, successfully ending with all his coordination to get revenge.

"Whahahahat!! That is nOT-" A snort, more bubbly giggles. "That is not fahahhair!!!"

"But you're helping me to cheer up. See, I have no more pouts and no more frowns thanks to you!"

"Then stop!"

Kaminari tried to squirm his way out of the ticklish embrace, finding that maybe bringing Midoriya to his lap when he decided to tickle-hug him wasn't his best idea.

"I don't know. I think I am still a bit grumpy..." He stopped his attack in order to gently trace that spot right on the blond's right third rib, drawing circles around it and trying to not giggle together when Denki's bubbly snickers filled the air. "Maybe you amazing laughter can help me with that!"

[~.~]

[You know, this fluffy duster feels a lot like your tail...]

"You know, this fluffy duster feels a lot like your tail..." Izuku said, thoughtfully, a particular idea shining on his mind that may or may not was inspired by yesterday's Great Tickle Fight.

"Really?" Ojiro, (un)fortunately, didn't notice the danger hidden on the smaller's words, petting the duster and the fluff on his tail for a bit in comparison. "It really is. But it's not stronger like mine tail!" He made a show of flexing the aforementioned, both chickling at his silliness. "Oh, are you going to clean the curtains? I can help!"

A plan formed on Izuku's mind. He controlled his features to not show the playful grin that threatened to take over his face.

"Yes. Could you hold that part right there?" He pointed to a high spot on the fabric. "I can't research it."

"No problem!" The blond smiled and did as asked, not realizing the way Midoriya stepped closer nor how his shirt exposed a small patch on his stomach with his new position. "Like this?"

"Yes!" Izuku, then, shoved the fluffly, soft, tickly duster under his shirt, instigating a loud squeak to escape from the other.

"Midoriya!!"

But he didn't let go of the curtain, a smile spreading on his face.

"Yes?"

"Dohon't"

The green haired boy slightly moved the duster, quick enough to make the bristles of the feathers to barely tease the skin, but only that. Another yelp and a few giggles leading Ojiro to try to hide his red face on his shoulder.

"Don't what?" He beamed.

A small shook of head, a shy giggle. "Ihim not falling for thahat."

"Aw. But I am going to tickle you anyway!" Ojiro yelped, trying to curl on himself, however immediately regretting his decision as the movement shot light shocks across his torso, every feather following his squirms. "Yes! I am going to tickle, tickle, tickle you until all those cutes squeals and nice laughter trapped inside are free. As a future hero, it's my job to help them!"

"Dohohon't say that word." His words were in vain, especially because now Midoriya carried that determined look, thoughts racing on his mind as his hands continued to keep the duster on the same place.

"Maybe I should try to tickle his stomach first? I could start wiggling the duster there and then change to his sides and ribs or maybe I could start on his sides and ribs going up and down a few times and then tickle his stomach as I change from a side to another. The element of surprise is always a powerful tool so I should always change from going extremely soft and low to more quick attacks! I wonder if I can try it on his tail too? I could-"

"Ihihizuku, please!" The one being called snapped out of his rambling by a very flustered, giggly Ojiro, who still held the curtains as if his life depended on it. "J-juhust do it already, plehease."

And Izuku was happy to oblige.

[~.~]

[As nice as this is, we really should get up]

"As nice as this is, we really should get up." Tokoyami said softly, patting the green hair of the head which rested on his shoulder, - it was really as fluffy as it looked! - almost snorting when Midoriya squinted his eyes at the credit's playing on the screen. "Everyone else already went to their room."

Izuku looked around, as if he just realized all his friends decided to call it a night when President Mic - who has been called both due his good taste in movies and to keep an eye on them and their ability to cause chaos - woke up half of the class as he fell asleep in a bad position and started snoring, accidentally activating his quirk.

"It's not-" A yawn cut Izuku's words and pulled Tokoyami away from his thoughts. "It's not a movie night if we can't watch at least five movies."

"Oh no, the horrible punishments that the Universe will bought upon us after such terrible offense. What we shall do in the face of that helpless fate?"

Midoriya lightly shoved him away, a sleepy smile taking all the seriousness from his frown. "N't f'nny."

Tokoyami started to softly scribble his fingers on the other's neck, following him as he tiredly wiggled away, no real fight on his movements.

"Then why are you laughing?"

"Tohohokoyami! Naha!"

"What? Wait... Is this the punishment from the Universe?" Maybe it was because it was so rare for his friend being this playful, or because the drops of faked seriousness painting his words, but Midoriya found himself giggling harder, a bubbly tittering escaping as the tickling traveled to behind his ears. "Giggling and wiggling until we inevitably give up and decide to watch movies until the end of our brief mortal existence, oh, the pain."

"You're so sihihihilly!"

"Me, the embodiment of darkness ‘silly’? Oh, Midoriya, what have they done to you?" His tune was bathed in faux pity.

"Plehehehease!" Tokoyami decided to travel to the smaller boy's sides, scratching and poking them lightly enough to keep the flow of airy laughter and rare squeaks as a reward for the sudden, quick pinches. "It tickles! It tickles so much!"

"The Universe is tickling you? Will the cruelness ever end? Ah, the struggles someone as ticklish, so, so ticklish as you must be going through... Do not give up, Midoriya!" He did his best to not huff in amusement as the aforementioned hugged him, hiding his face oh his chest and muffling his louder laughter due the teases. "Don't let its darkness to dim your light."

His fingertips grazed the back of his ribs, Izuku only giggled harder, "Okahahay, Okay! We- no, not there! - we can go slehehehep!"

Tokoyami stopped the light tickling, waiting for the moment green eyes locked on his before proceeding, a deadly serious gaze on his face.

"Don't." Izuku warned.

"But the Universe's punishment-"

"O-oh my GOD!"

[~.~]

[i did not say that!]

"I did not said that!" But the giggles were already spilling out.

"Yes!!" Izuku, the traitor, couldn't be any more happy, basically sparkling as the feathers of his wings fluffed up in amusement. "You did! You did! You did! I am totally going to do that, now!"

Kirishima was quick to retrieve a pillow and prepare it to a fight, pointing it at his guardian angel with a half groan, half giggle. "That is not fair, man!! You can't ask questions when I am about to sleep, I always say the first thing that pops in my mind!"

"It wasn't really my original intention," the angel smiled sheepishly. "Humans' need to sleep are still confusing to me... But!!" He crept closer, fingers wiggling. "That only means that when you said yesterday..."

"No."

"That you likes when I-"

"No!" Big smiles, small giggles. "Come on. Shut up!"

"-that you like when I tickle you-" The rest of the sentence was a squeak as the red haired boy jumped at him, his soft weapon firm on his hands, and both dashed across the room in a chase. "I knew it!" Izuku laughed, - laughed. Not shyly giggled or awkwardly grinned, - pleased that one of his theories about his protected human (and friend) was right.

Damn, Kirishima wanted to at least fake a pout and put on a real fight, but how could he when the magical being was acting so happily? When he was so full of joy?

That didn't stop him from tackling his friend on the floor, both rolling in a playful roughhousing and playing fair until Kirishima felt something incredibly, impossibly soft on his neck, wide eyes as he realized only now how Midoriya's wings were stretched around him, almost engulfing both beings on its length.

The soft feeling came back, now scribbling all over his neck, sending tickly shocks through his body and weaking his strength, something which allowed the other launch his arms around his waist, hugging Eijirou from behind and leaving him to freely stare at some free feathers that slowly swung on his direction, aiming for his tickle spots.

Izuku felt a bit worried when the human stopped squirming.

"If I last 30 seconds without laughing you will let me go to that Parkour classes on Monday."

"But they're dangerous," Eijirou interrupted him, "you can use your magic feathers."

He could almost feel the angel thinking, analysing his options.

"Forty-five seconds."

"I will get you back and ask Shinsou to help me."

Pout. "You're mean."

A feather wriggled on his bellybutton, cutting any snark answer that the human had to that.

More feathers appeared in front of him. Adrenaline ran on Kirishima's veins at the idea of his new challenge.

"Deal."

[...]

Sidenote: Shinsou is Kirishima's cat. He loves to randomly lay and nap on the angel, but for some reason his purring tickles Izuku. He likes to purr a lot. Izuku is almost sure the feline knows what he is doing. Kirishima think the whole situation is hilarious.

[marjansmarwani]

tender-hearted sadness pulls me through the day

7.9k || ao3

Carlos is hurt, badly, and TK is faced both with the awful possibility of losing him and the fact that his parents still don't know about them. He promised Carlos he could tell them in his own time though, and he doesn't intend to break that promise for anything. Even if it means he can't be there, even if it means he has to hope from a distance. He would do anything for Carlos, after all.

aka that Carlos’s parent’s fic I’ve been working on for what feels like forever. It’s finally done and since @officereyes was the one who insisted I write it in the first place and it is her birthday, it feels only right to offer it as a part 2/on the actual correct day gift (surprise). I hope you enjoy it Jamie! 

This idea was also requested by @noxsoulmate after I had already started writing it so I also hope you enjoy, and that it was worth the wait! This was started around the same time that 2x04 aired so it is definitely no longer canon compliant, though I did tweak a few things as the season progressed. Thanks to @justaswampdemon for reading through it last night to tell me if any of it actually made sense or not because I wasn’t sure after working on it for so long!

--------------------

TK couldn’t stop staring at his hands. 

They were shaking and though he had nearly scrubbed them raw he could still feel the memory of the blood that had coated them only a half-hour before. It was Carlos’s blood and the reminder sent his hands trembling all over again. The sight of the accident was still so fresh in his mind. It was everywhere, trapped in all of his senses — the fear of realizing just who it was trapped in the crushed vehicle, the overwhelming scent of the blood stuck in his head, the sound of the heart monitor flatlining and his own desperate pleas for Carlos to stay with them, the helplessness of Carlos’s life leaking away under his fingers — he couldn't shake it. He knew he wasn’t likely to until he saw Carlos, until he had proof that he was okay. 

But he was also a medic and he knew that the alternative, the thing he was trying so hard not to think about, to not put any energy into, was just as likely an outcome as any.  

His anxiety spiral is interrupted by the sound of frantic footsteps that pause as they grow closer to his seat. 

“TJ?” 

He sat bolt upright at the sight of Carlos’s parents, expressions tense and eyes full of fear, before him. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Reyes,” he stammered, standing up and shoving his shaking hands into the pockets of his pants, “hi. Uh, have they told you anything yet?”

“No,” Mrs. Reyes said fearfully, “we just got here.” 

TK nodded, anxiously twisting at the interior of his pockets, “I’m sure someone will be by soon,” he assured her, “he’s only been here for about an hour.”

“And how long have you been here?” Carlos’s father asked him, studying him with a piercing gaze. 

“About an hour,” TK repeated, “I was on shift, we responded to the accident. I rode in on the ambulance with him and since it was the end of my shift anyways and my Captain knows Carlos and I are...close, she told me just to stay.” 

He met Mr. Reyes’s gaze, refusing to look away and hoping desperately that he hadn’t noticed his falter. It wasn’t a lie, but the omission weighed on him. Never once since their start had he denied his feelings for Carlos. He had made that mistake once, in the very beginning, and it had nearly prevented what they had become. But he had no other choice; he had made Carlos a promise. And he wouldn’t break it, not for anything. 

The other man’s father nodded, eyes zeroing in on the paramedic badge on his shirt. “I thought you said you were a firefighter?” 

“I was, the paramedic thing is pretty new. We lost one at our station, during the volcano, and I was already dual certified from New York so…” he trailed off with a shrug, his gaze drifting from the parents before him to the doors of the trauma wing Carlos had been wheeled into upon their arrival. 

“You treated him?” 

TK snapped his gaze back to find Mrs. Reyes looking at him with wide eyes. He swallowed, and nodded, “I did, ma’am,” he confirmed, voice soft with repressed emotion. 

“And?” she asked him desperately, eyes shining with unshed tears, “How is he? How is my boy?”

How did he tell them? How did you tell your boyfriend’s parents that not even an hour ago you had been scared out of your mind that he was going to die in your arms even as you and your team worked desperately to save him? How did you do all of that without showing the emotion, how did you do that when they don’t know — when they can’t know — that his presence is what allows you to sleep soundly each night, that his smile is the thing you most look forward to seeing each and every day? 

They were both looking at him as if he held all the answers and to be fair, he did. In terms of what had happened, at least. He was just as clueless as anyone else as to what would come next.

“He was involved in a very serious accident,” he settled on. “He lost a lot of blood but we managed to get him stabilized in the field. That’s all I know though. If I knew more…” 

He trailed off but Carlos’s mother shook her head, reaching out to place a warm and trembling hand on his arm, “Thank you,” she told him, “for telling us, and for saving him. Carlitos is so lucky to have such a wonderful friend.” 

“Of course,” he said without hesitation, even though her well-intentioned words stung, even though he had to swallow what would have come next: he would do anything for Carlos. 

------------

It’s another few hours before his dad and the rest of the 126 show up. He may have been exaggerating when he had told Mrs. Reyes that his shift was ending when they arrived at the hospital. The reality was that Tommy had told him to stay. She had said that she and Nancy could handle the last few hours without him and that he would be too distracted to focus for the remainder of the shift so he may as well just stay. She had been right, but that meant there had still been a shift to be finished before anyone else was available to join his vigil. 

A doctor had come by, a short while ago to give them an update. The surgery had gone well and while they had repaired the damage, they cautioned them that he was not out of danger yet, that the next several hours would be key. The knowledge had settled like a lead weight in TK’s stomach, the dread seeping through his veins. He saw his own fear clearly reflected in the eyes of Carlos’s parents and knows that they are all connected by it, even if they don’t know it. 

When the doctor told them that Carlos was being moved to a recovery room where he would be closely monitored and that a nurse would be by when he was settled to let them know, TK realized a whole other layer to this nightmare. He won’t be able to be there. There is no way he can justify sitting by Carlos’s bedside to his parents as a “friend from work.” In order to be there for Carlos, he would have to tell them the truth, and he can’t do that. Not when he made Carlos a promise. 

That’s how his team finds him: alone in the waiting room, leg anxiously bouncing against the floor as he stares in the direction of the recovery rooms, wanting nothing more than to be able to be beside Carlos, to have concrete evidence that he hadn’t lost him. 

He allowed himself to be pulled into hugs and subjected to comforting pats before anyone asks the question he’s been dreading. It’s Marjan that does, her unwavering and empathetic gaze studying him as she speaks the words: “Is he still in surgery?” 

“No, he’s in recovery now.” TK assured them, allowing them a moment to take a breath of relief before he continued, “The doctors said that the next few hours will be crucial, that those will be what really makes the difference. So we’re just...hoping for the best.” 

They all nodded, but Paul’s piercing gaze studied him, “If he’s in recovery, why are you out here and not in there?” 

TK bit his lip, turning his gaze downwards. He and Carlos hadn’t exactly shared their conflict about his parents with their friends. If TK was being honest, he had been hoping they wouldn’t ever have to, that they would cross that bridge before it ever became an issue. Clearly, the universe had other plans. 

“His parents are in there,” he replied, hoping that maybe they wouldn’t push, that maybe they could just leave it there. 

But these were their friends, and they wouldn't be so easily satisfied. 

“Is he not out to them?” Marjan asked gently, taking the seat beside him. 

“No, he’s out to them it’s just...complicated.” 

“How complicated can it be?” Judd asked as he settled into a seat across from them, “he’s out and you two are solid. Seems pretty uncomplicated to me.” 

TK didn’t know how to explain it, exactly. “They don’t know he’s in a relationship,” he settled on, “and he’s not ready to tell them. We...talked about it a few months ago, and I told him that was fine. That we could move at his pace. I mean,” he broke off here with a shrug, meeting the eyes of his teammates, “it’s the least I can do for him, right? Extend him the same understanding he gave me?”

The others exchanged glances that TK couldn’t read. Judd looked in the direction of the recovery rooms, “This ain’t right kid,” he said softly, “Carlos would want you there. You should be there.” 

TK shook his head firmly, “I promised him he could tell them on his own terms, Judd. I told him I would wait as long as he needed. I can’t make that choice for him, and I won��t. I made him a promise.” 

There was silence in the wake of his words. The others exchanged glances and TK looked away, not wanting to see their pity. He knew he was making the right choice, but that didn’t make the reality of it any easier to face. Carlos had nearly died in his arms just a few hours ago. The cold fear of losing him was still fresh in his mind, he still hadn’t been able to shake the chill from his bones. And now he was in a room just down the hall and TK couldn’t be there. Of all the challenges they had faced, this might just be the worst one yet. 

Paul let out a low breath and shook his head, “I hear you man, and it’s admirable. I get you wanting to respect Carlos’s wishes, but you’ve got to think about yourself too. Maybe it would be easier for you to not be here? Sitting here and not being able to be with him has to be hard. You could go home, wait there instead. We’ll let you know if there are any updates.” 

TK gave him a tight smile, “I appreciate it, but no. Even though I can’t be with him, I can’t imagine not being as close to him as possible. I’m not going anywhere.” 

------------

His friends come and go, but TK simply waits. He assures them that he’s fine when asked, but otherwise, he is not great company. All he can manage to do is sit quietly and wait. And hope. He takes a turn around the waiting room, he bounces his leg anxiously at his seat, he fiddles with his necklace. He does everything he can to keep his body busy while his mind is fully occupied. 

He knows that right down the hall his boyfriend, the person who he might just love more than anyone else on this planet, is in a medically induced coma. He knows that he can’t be there, and he knows why. 

That doesn’t mean he hates it any less. 

That also doesn’t mean that the last image he has of Carlos — bloody and crashing on a gurney being rushed to a trauma room — is going to leave his mind any time soon. He needs to see him. He needs visual confirmation to cancel out the nightmare image running through his head. He knows that he can’t, not right now, but he won’t leave until he can. 

The waiting room empties and fills again several times during his vigil. The daylight he had entered in had faded long ago and the dark night sky was visible each time the hospital doors slid open. It was still a few hours before he saw Mr. and Mrs. Reyes leave from his corner of the waiting room. They stepped through the hospital doors hand in hand, Mr. Reyes rubbing comforting circles on his wife’s back as they headed back to their car, presumably to go home and get a few hours of sleep. 

TK, who had been coming close to dozing off in his seat, was suddenly wide awake. Carlos’s parents were gone, he could go see him.  He was out of his seat in an instant, his feet carrying him towards the door he had been staring at all day before his head could properly catch up. It wasn’t until he neared the door that he slowed, that he processed. 

It felt almost wrong to be sneaking in. He felt almost guilty for waiting for Carlos’s parents to leave, for jumping on the opportunity the moment it presented itself. But he needed to see Carlos. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to settle until he did. He could not have the last image of him in his mind be what he had looked like when they exited the ambulance. He may have gotten the same updates from the doctor but that did nothing to ease his fear. He had nearly felt Carlos die under his hands all those hours ago. He needed to feel him breathing too. 

He stepped in quietly, though he knew there was no danger of waking him. He had barely made it over the threshold before he froze, nearly toppled by the wrongness of seeing Carlos so still. To the casual observer, he probably looked like he was sleeping. But TK knew Carlos Reyes. The man was an energetic sleeper. He moved constantly in the night, always shifting and reaching out to pull TK closer when he felt he had strayed too far away. Always striving to press his body against his, always keeping them close; even in sleep. But it was more than that. His face was all wrong. Carlos’s face was expressive, even in sleep. Whatever he was thinking or feeling or dreaming was always laid out in full display for TK to read but now his face was blank. That more than anything struck TK as so foreign, so unusual. 

He took a deep, wavering breath as he crossed the room, running his eyes over him as he drew closer. From the outside, he didn’t look too badly injured, but TK knew with a cold certainty that most of the damage was hidden by bandages under the blankets. He knew that there was so much more to this than met the eye, that as wrong as Carlos looked in this bed it was a far sight better than the alternative — than what he had feared from the moment they arrived on the scene. 

“Hey babe,” he said softly as he reached the side of the bed, reaching out to run a hand through Carlos’s curls, “you look better than you did earlier. I hope you’re feeling better too.” 

He paused here, taking another moment to study him up close now. He bit his lip against the tears that wanted to come. He didn’t know how much time he would have here, he wasn’t going to waste any of it crying. 

“I know it’s going to take some time,” he said instead when he managed to steady his voice, “and I want you to know you should take all the time you need. We’ll be fine until you’re ready. I’ll be fine. I just,” he broke off, took a steadying breath, and started again, “I just want you to know that I probably won’t be here a lot, just in case you ever wonder why you can’t hear me, if you can hear any of us. I need you to know it’s not because I don’t want to be here or that I don’t love you. Because I do, so much. And there is nowhere I would rather be than right here with you at all times. But I made you a promise, and I intend to keep it. It’s…” he trailed off, taking another breath as he leaned forward, taking Carlos’s hand in his own, “it’s the least I can do,” he finished softly. 

He lapsed into silence then, savoring in the sight of his chest lightly rising and falling with each breath. Not so long ago he thought he might never see that again. He had never realized just how much he had taken the concept for granted. He vowed that he never would again. 

He leaned forward now, resting his head on the arm not intertwined with Carlos’s. “I just need you to come back to us,” he said quietly. “I need you to come back to me. I don’t want to face life without you. Don’t make me, please.” 

Even though he knew there would be no reaction, even though he knew the other man was heavily sedated, he studied his face for any hint of recognition, any glimmer of hope he could sustain himself with. There was none and it was that truth and the weight of Carlos’s hand in his that saw him off into a fitful sleep. 

------------

The sound of footsteps woke TK, causing him to sit bolt upright and glance around frantically, heart thudding in his chest. 

“Relax,” an unfamiliar voice instructed, “we definitely don’t need a cardiac patient on our hands, on top of everything else.” 

It took several tries to blink the sleep out his eyes before he could make out the scene in front of him. He was in Carlos’s room. He must have fallen asleep here. He pulled himself fully upright, stretching and rubbing at the back of his neck with a grimace as he studied the nurse checking Carlos’s vitals. She glanced over at him with a raised eyebrow, “Good morning.” 

“What time is it?” he croaked out. 

“Just past 6, so I’d imagine if anyone were to come back after going home to sleep for the night they’d likely be back soon.”

“How’d you…” 

She shrugged as she checked Carlos’s IV, “Call it an educated guess. I mean, I know you paramedics are pretty dedicated but I have yet to see any of you spend an entire day in the waiting room for a patient. Figured there had to be a bit more to it than meets the eye. That, or I have to call security on you.”

“He’s my boyfriend,” TK said softly, reaching out to take Carlos’s limp hand in his own, tenderly rubbing his thumb across it, “but his parents don’t really know. It’s...complicated.” 

The nurse’s eyes softened as she studied him, “You probably have almost an hour before anyone else shows up, visiting hours don’t officially start until 7 anyways. After that, you should try to get some sleep. You’re starting to look like you should have a bed of your own.”

TK shook his head, “I’m fine, thanks.” 

“Uh-huh,” she said, sounding wholly unconvinced. “Well if you are around later and want an update feel free to ask for me at the nurses’ station. My name’s Becky.” 

“Thank you, Becky,” he said with a small smile, “you have no idea how much I appreciate that.” 

She waved off his thanks as she headed towards the door. She paused on the threshold, turning back to study him again, “Hey, Paramedic?” 

“TK,” he provided. 

“TK, then. If I find out you’re lying to me and that I should have called security…” 

He gave her a grin and a tired laugh, “Then you know where I work,” he reminded her, gesturing towards his uniform, “pretty sure you’ll be able to track me down.” 

“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. I hope everything works out for you two and for what it’s worth, he’s doing okay.” 

“Thanks, Becky,” he said softly, turning his gaze back to Carlos’s still form before Becky smiled at them from the doorway and stepped quietly out of the room, shutting the door behind her. 

--------------------

 “This is an intervention,” Paul announced. 

TK looked up sharply to see his team gathered around him several hours later. He had slipped back into the waiting room around 6:30, heedful of Becky’s warning. It was now just past 10 and he was currently being stared down by his team. He furrowed his brow in confusion and was just about to ask exactly what the hell Paul meant by that when Marjan continued. 

“You’ve been here for over 24 hours now, TK. You’re still wearing yesterday’s uniform, you haven’t eaten and I doubt you’ve slept much.”

“I got a few hours!” he interjected but faltered when he was met with 4 equally unimpressed looks. 

“And while I’m sure that was adequate sleep,” she continued in a tone that made it clear she did not in fact believe that, “you need more than that. Preferably in a bed. Preferably in your own bed.” 

TK looked down and Judd continued, voice gentle, “You need to take care of yourself, kid. You can’t be there for him if you keel over. Let us help you out.”

TK bit at his lip. He knew they were right, logically. There was only so long he could keep this up. Soon enough his body would start protesting. He could already feel the effects of little sleep and no food in his sluggish thoughts. Realistically he knew they were right, but he couldn’t stand the thought of leaving Carlos. He wasn’t out of the woods yet. The thought that something might happen when he wasn’t there was enough to keep him rooted to his spot in the waiting room, consequences be damned. “I can’t leave him,” he choked out, “if something were to happen…” 

He trailed off, but Paul simply shook his head, “Nope, you’re coming with us. Judd and I are going to take you home. You’re going to shower, change, eat something and get at least 4 hours of sleep. Then - and only then - we’ll bring you back. Marjan and Mateo will stay here and let us know if anything changes. If it does we’ll bring you right back, promise.” 

TK scanned the faces of his friends. They wore matching looks of determination, and he knew that this was not an argument he was going to win. He nodded, pulling himself out of his seat and throwing another glance in the direction of Carlos’s room. He felt a hand on his arm and looked over to see Marjan giving him a sad smile, “Don’t worry, we won’t let you miss anything.” 

“Yeah dude, we’ve got this!” Mateo assured him as he plopped into an empty seat. 

TK gave them both a grateful smile. He wished he could have offered more, but he couldn’t find the words. Nothing his mind produced seemed adequate enough to express the level of gratitude he felt for each and every one of them. He hoped they knew. 

He allowed himself to be led to Judd’s truck and as they pulled away from the hospital, his mind began to wander. Logically, he knew Carlos was in good hands, that leaving the hospital did nothing to hurt his chances. But not being there just felt wrong, as if he was tempting fate. As if his desperate hope could only have an effect from within the same building.

TK was so lost in his thoughts he didn’t notice how close they were to their destination until the truck came to a halt outside of the condo. He froze as he looked at it, the thought of stepping foot inside their shared home without Carlos washing over him. He knew he was being too quiet, he knew that the other two had noticed that something was wrong. Judd eyed him in the rearview mirror.

“Is this okay?” he asked. “I can bring you to your dad’s if you’d rather, but I figured all your stuff is here so…” 

“No,” TK said, voice too soft. “No,” he tried again, voice a little more sure this time, “you’re right Judd, all my stuff is here. It’s fine, really. Thanks for driving me.” 

“Yeah, we’re not just going to leave you,” Paul told him, pushing open the passenger side door and climbing out, “we’re staying with you to make sure you actually do the things covered in our bargain. Plus,” he added in a gentler tone as he opened TK’s door and met his eyes, “you don’t need to be alone right now.” 

TK swallowed and nodded. He slid out of the truck without a word, crossing to the front door and pulling his keys out of his pocket. He inserted his key into the door with trembling hands and pushed it open, holding it open behind him for Judd and Paul. Once they were all inside he shut it behind them, the sound of the lock clicking into place the only sound. They stood in silence as TK looked around, trying to take in the once familiar surroundings that now felt so foreign. The clutter of day to day life was scattered throughout the living space, left waiting for them to return home and resume their lives. It was a cruel reminder of just how sudden this had been; of how much they stood to lose. 

Paul gave him a gentle shove towards the stairs, interrupting his reverie, “Go and get showered and changed, we’ll work on the food. Come back down when you’re ready.” 

TK nodded and ascended the stairs without a word. He entered their bedroom without really looking at anything, making a beeline for the dresser so as to avoid the sight of the haphazardly made bed; left rumpled when they had both decided on a late start the previous morning, abandoning their usual morning routine in favor of other pursuits. He grabbed the first pants and hoodie he found, pulling them out and heading to the bathroom without even a glance at the garments in his hand. 

Several minutes later he was forced to admit that the hot water felt good. It revived him in a way the restless sleep at Carlos’s bedside hadn’t, and it allowed him to peel back the layers of everything to find some of the positives. Namely that Carlos had survived surgery, that while he wasn’t out of the woods there had been no changes for the worst (or for the better, but a hot shower was a place for optimism.)

He stepped out feeling renewed. As he reached for his towel he reminded himself that it hadn’t even been 36 hours. In the grand scheme of things, that was practically nothing. For injuries like those, it was perfectly normal. There was no reason to expect the worst, not yet. 

He pulled on the clothes he had grabbed, soft joggers and one of Carlos’s APD hoodies that he had claimed as his own months ago and tried to keep focusing on the positives, but his optimism faded along with the lingering warmth of the shower. Maybe the worst hadn’t happened and he was certainly grateful for that, but where they were was a world away from “good.” 

He made his way down the stairs, turning the corner to find Judd and Paul in quiet conversation in the kitchen. They looked up when he appeared, Judd answering the question on his lips before he could even ask it: “No, no updates from the other two. Seems like all’s quiet there.” 

TK nodded gratefully and slid into the seat across from them. Judd slid a bowl of something that TK knew objectively should smell amazing in front of him, but all he could do was stare at it. 

“Thank you, but…” 

“No,” Judd cut him off firmly, “you need to eat. Unless you want to be the one to tell my wife that you wouldn’t eat the food she sent over for you?” 

TK sighed and picked up the fork pointedly taking a bite, and Judd huffed out a laugh, “Smart choice.”  

The other two returned to their own bowls and they ate in companionable silence. TK appreciated their understanding. He was beyond grateful to his friends for everything, but even the thought of any conversation right in this moment felt like torture. The only thoughts he could manage right now were of Carlos, and the checklist of tasks required by his team before he would be allowed to return. 

He finished his food in silence, getting up and crossing to the sink to rinse it out and place it in the dishwasher. He had just reached the sink when a hand stopped him, taking the bowl from his grasp. 

“I’ve got this,” Judd told him, “you need sleep.”

“4 hours,” Paul reminded him from the counter, “in a bed.” 

“If there are any updates…”

“We’ll let you know,” Paul assured him. 

TK swallowed and nodded, turning and heading back upstairs with a soft thanks. He entered their bedroom again, this time unable to ignore the queen-sized elephant in the room. He lowered himself onto his side of the bed, muscle memory guiding him to lay on his left side, giving him a full view of Carlos’s empty pillow. 

The sight of him hit him harder than anything else and suddenly he felt as if walls were closing in around him. All the feelings he had been pushing back, holding at bay so he didn’t fall apart at the wrong moment breached his tenuous barriers. The catalyst grew harder to see as his vision was clouded with tears. He rolled over, turning his back to the reminder as his body shook with sobs too long repressed. He let 36 hours of pain and fear and panic out as he lay in their bed, hoping desperately that the aching emptiness beside him did not become his new reality. 

Eventually, he drifted off into a fitful sleep; head resting on his tear-soaked pillow and clinging to the desperate hope that when he woke up, things would look better. 

————-

Things didn’t look much better when he woke up, but his head did feel a little clearer. 

He woke with a jolt at the sensation of someone lightly shaking him. He sat up quickly to find Paul standing next to him, hands raised in a placating manner, “Easy man, it’s just me.” 

TK could feel fear creeping through his mind. If Paul was waking him up then…

“What happened?” he choked out. He knew he shouldn’t have left. He should have fought them more, he should have insisted on staying, no matter what. 

“Nothing,” Paul assured him, voice even and soothing, “everything’s fine. It’s just been a bit over 4 hours and while personally, I would love to let you sleep longer I figured it was only fair to wake you up and let you decide. There are no new updates and no one is going to judge you for taking the time to get a little more sleep.” 

TK took a shuddering breath, willing his heart rate to go back to normal. He shook his head and pulled himself out of the bed, “No, I should be getting back. Thank you though,” he added to Paul, “for waking me up, for everything, really.” 

“Of course man. We meant what we said: we’re here for you. I can’t imagine how hard this is, especially given everything, but you’re not alone in this. Don’t forget that. We all care about Carlos too, and we care about you.” 

TK looked down, not sure quite how to respond to that. Thankfully, Paul knew him well. His friend put a hand on his shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze. TK looked up and gave him a smile that Paul returned, “Take some time to get ready, Judd and I will be ready to leave when you are.” 

He nodded again and watched as Paul stepped out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him. He then took a breath to steady himself before he surveyed the room, actually thinking about what he might need this time around. He grabbed his phone charger and shoved it into his pocket but couldn’t think of anything else he might need. All he could think about was getting back to the hospital as soon as possible. He met the other two downstairs and at his nod they head out without a word, TK only pausing on the threshold for a moment as he glanced back at the empty condo. Soon he would be coming back here, with Carlos. He was sure of it; no other option was acceptable. 

He shut the door behind him, turning his key in the lock until he heard the telltale click, and climbed into Judd’s truck for a silent ride to the hospital. When they arrived, he went to climb out but was stopped by Judd’s voice as the older man turned to look at him from the driver’s seat. 

“I know you’re worried about him brother,” he said softly. “I can’t even imagine what it must feel like and what a mess I would be if it were Grace, but you still need to take care of yourself, remember that.”  

TK swallowed down the emotions that rose up as he met Judd’s eyes.There was so much understanding in them and he knew that the other man knew what he was going through more than most. He gave him a nod, and a promise: “I’ll try.” 

Judd nodded in satisfaction and TK climbed the rest of the way out of the backseat, giving his two friends a wave before he stepped out and headed back inside. He immediately headed to the nurses’ station and was about to ask for Becky when a familiar voice sounded behind him. 

“TJ? What are you doing back here.” 

TK froze at the sound of Mrs. Reyes’s voice. “Hi, Mrs. Reyes,” he began, “I was just checking in to see how Carlos was doing.”

The older woman’s expression softened and she reached out a hand to lay on his arm, “You are such a good person, my son is so lucky to have you as a friend.” 

TK swallowed down the bile at the word, at the reminder of why he couldn’t be in there with Carlos. “How is he?” he managed to ask in a normal tone, “Has there been any change?” 

Mrs. Reyes shook her head sadly, “No, but the doctors say that is to be expected right now. They say that if things remain as they are they will likely start weaning him off the sedation soon, so I guess that’s a good sign.” 

“It is, he assured her, because despite everything she looked worried and he didn’t want her to suffer. “It’s a very good sign. Normal means that nothing is wrong, that things are healing. Paramedic,” he reminded her with a shrug when she shot him a curious glance, “I’m no doctor but I do know a decent amount about traumatic injuries.” 

She smiled at him and squeezed his arm, “And I am so glad my Carlitos had someone like you working on him. I know it couldn’t have been easy to see someone you care about hurt like that but you helped to give him a fighting chance. I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that.” 

“No thanks needed,” he told her softly, “it’s my job.” 

“Still,” she insisted, pulling him into a hug. “I am so glad you are my son’s friend. He deserves wonderful people like you in his life.” 

TK stiffened in the hug, her words hitting wounds she didn’t even know existed. He cleared his throat as he gently pulled away. “Thank you for the update,” he told her, “I appreciate it.” 

She nodded, “Would you like to come sit with him for a bit? We don’t mind, there is plenty of room.” 

The thought of being so close to Carlos but not being able to hold him, of having to stay distant so as not to blow their secret in front of his parents was too much. He was certain he wasn’t strong enough for that. 

“Thank you,” he told her, “but I should get going. I don’t want to intrude and I just wanted to see how he was doing.”

“Of course,” she told him warmly, “but if you change your mind, feel free to stop by.” 

He nodded and with one last hug she let him go and he stepped away, heading towards the doors. He didn’t know where he was going, there was nowhere else for him to go. He needed to be here, but he couldn’t be in there with them. He couldn’t be so close without revealing their relationship and he refused to do that to Carlos. 

He stepped outside into the late afternoon sunlight, trying to decide what to do next. Trying to tamp down on the tears threatening to rise. It was too much. He had thought he was strong enough to handle this but he wasn’t. He couldn’t do this. 

“TK?” 

His name, said like a question from a familiar voice, caused him to turn to see Marjan heading towards him, a tray of coffees in her hand and a frown on her face. 

“Hey Marj,” he said, hoping his voice sounded normal. Judging by the look on her face, he failed. 

“What happened? Paul said you just got back. Is there any news? Mateo and I have been keeping an eye out but we didn’t see…” 

“No,” he assured her, “no, you didn’t miss anything. Things are still fine. I just…” he trailed off, took a breath and started again. “I just ran into Carlos’s mother. She was very pleasant; offered to let me sit in the room with them. Told me what a good friend I was to her son.” 

Marjan’s face dropped, “TK,” she said softly, but any response he could have given was swallowed by the tears he couldn’t stop. He thought he had gotten them all out a few hours ago as he lay in their bed, but clearly he was wrong. There were still plenty more. He felt arms wrap around him as Marjan pulled him into a hug, simply holding him as he cried. 

--------------

TK was thumbing through the book Paul left him when Becky approached him. His heart was immediately in his throat and he was about to ask her what was wrong when he noticed that she was grinning. 

“He’s awake,” she informed him, “has been for a little bit now. The doctors are running some tests right now so his parents have stepped out, but they should be done shortly, if you want to go see him.” 

“Yes,” TK said immediately, “of course. Thank you.” 

Becky gave him a warm smile, “It’s the least I could do. I do love a happy ending, after all. Give it about 5 minutes and then the doctors should be done.” 

TK nodded, hardly daring to believe that this was real. Carlos was awake. He was okay. “Thank you,” he called out to Becky again as she walked away, “really.” 

She gave him another smile before she disappeared around the corner and he was left to wait. He pulled out his phone to send a quick update in the group chat: Carlos was awake and he’d give them more details when he had them. There was a flurry of enthusiastic responses and well wishes before TK realized the 5 minutes were almost up and pulled himself out of his seat, heading towards Carlos. 

He crossed to the door almost hesitantly, not quite able to shake the fear that maybe Becky had been wrong, that maybe he was somehow imagining this whole thing. But when he stepped inside and was met with a warm, exhausted gaze from familiar brown eyes, he almost staggered in relief. 

“Carlos,” TK breathed and the weak, tired smile he received in return was without a doubt the best sight he had seen in days. 

“What are you doing way over there?” Carlos asked him and TK was across the room in an instant, skidding to a halt at Carlos’s beside and placing a tender kiss to the top of his head. He blinked away the tears threatening to fall as he studied Carlos. There was so much he wanted to say to him, so much he needed to say. He just wasn’t sure where to start. 

“Hi,” he settled on, and winced. As bedside greetings after a traumatic injury went, it wasn’t a good one. 

Thankfully, Carlos chuckled, “Hi to you too. How are you doing?”

“Me?” TK asked incredulously, “Carlos, I’m not the one who nearly died.” 

“No,” Carlos agreed, voice growing more serious as he studied him, “but my mom spent some time going on about how my friend ‘TJ’ saved my life. If that had been me and it had been you, I don’t think I would be okay.” 

TK shook his head, “Can’t you just worry about yourself for once like a normal person,” he gripped, but there was no heat in his words. Carlos raised an eyebrow at him before he sighed. “It’s been rough,” he admitted, “it wasn’t easy and definitely not an experience I am ever looking to relive, but if it meant saving you I would do it a thousand more times.” He held Carlos’s gaze for several long moments in the wake of his words, making sure that his boyfriend understood just how much he meant it. Any amount of pain or suffering on his own part was acceptable long as Carlos was alive and well at the end of it all.  

“But you’re awake now and you’re going to be okay,” he concluded after some time, “nothing else matters.” 

“From what I’ve heard, there might be one more thing that matters.” At TK’s questioning look he explained, “My parents. They referred to you as my friend. Did you…?” 

He trailed off but TK shook his head vigorously, “No,” he said firmly, “of course not. I promised you you could tell them on your own terms, that I was fine with being the friend as long as it took. I meant that.” 

“Ty,” Carlos said softly, squeezing their linked hands and giving him a sad look, “babe. You could have said something. I wouldn’t have been mad. Thinking about you going through this by yourself is worse than any possibility of my parents’ reaction.”

“I wasn’t by myself,” he reminded Carlos, “I had my team. Our friends. I was never alone in this.” 

“Remind me to thank them.” 

“Oh don’t worry,” TK quipped lightly, leaning into this new topic in an effort to leave talk of his parents and the endless waiting behind, “I am sure they will be here the moment you are allowed more visitors.” 

Carlos laughed lightly until he broke off with a grimace of pain. TK leaned forward anxiously, “Are you okay? Does it hurt too badly? Should I get a nurse? Do you--” 

“Ty,” Carlos said firmly, “it’s okay. I’m okay. I just jostled things a bit, stop worrying.” 

“I don’t think you are ever going to make that possible, Carlos Reyes.” 

“Look who’s talking.” 

TK opened his mouth to fire a response back but any retort he may have made was interrupted by the arrival of Andrea and Gabriel Reyes in the doorway. TK froze and went to pull his hand out of Carlos’s grasp, but Carlos held tight. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” 

“Uh, out of here?” TK answered, though it came out more like a question, “To give you some time with your parents?” 

Carlos shook his head, “You’re not going anywhere. You belong here.” He turned to his parents, who were watching with curious gazes from the doorway, “Mom, Dad, there’s something I need to tell you.” 

TK leaned in closer, voice low in Carlos’s ear, “Maybe waking up from a medically induced coma is not the time for major life decisions, babe. You don’t have to do this now.” 

Carlos turned his head to meet TK’s dubious expression with his own, “If not now, when? You said it yourself: nothing ever stays the same.” 

“Are you sure?”

Carlos smiled at him and squeezed their still intertwined hands, “Yeah, I am.” 

He turned his gaze back to his parents, who were watching the proceedings curiously, “I know you’ve already met TK,” he told them, “and I told you he was a friend from work. But I lied to you, he is so much more than that. I’d like you to formally meet my boyfriend, TK Strand.” 

TK anxiously watched their reactions only to see that while there were many emotions playing out on the Reyes’ faces, surprise was not amongst them. 

“You knew,” he blurts out, unable to help himself. 

Gabriel Reyes shrugged, “We were pretty sure after we met y’all at the market, but when you didn’t say anything when we got here we weren’t so sure and we didn’t want to press,” he began. “But seeing how worried you were, and how often you were here, I figured there was something we didn’t know. Plus, you’re wearing his shirt.” 

TK looked down at the old APD sweatshirt he barely remembered grabbing on his trip home sheepishly and he could feel Carlos laughing light beside him. 

“Why didn’t you say something?” Andrea asked him, eyes wide with sympathy, “All that time you spent waiting by yourself…” 

“I made Carlos a promise,” he said simply, squeezing his boyfriend’s hand even as he spoke to his parents. “I promised him he could tell you on his own terms in his own time, and I would never break a promise I made to him for anything.”

The next thing he knew Andrea’s arms were around him again, squeezing him in a bone crushing hug. He nearly staggered back from the force of it, shooting a bewildered look over her shoulder to Carlos, who is smiling fondly at them. 

“I was hoping we were right,” she told him softly, “all that time you were, how deeply you cared for him. I am so glad we were, and so happy that my son has someone to love him as much as you do.” 

She pulled away to give him a teary smile that he returned. Gabriel stepped forward to wrap an arm around his wife’s shoulder and lean forward to offer TK an outstretched hand. 

“It’s a pleasure to properly meet you, TK,” he said warmly. TK smiled at him before taking the offered hand. 

“Likewise, sir.” 

They ended the handshake and TK looked back to Carlos to see him beaming at him. He shifted over in his bed to make room for TK to perch on the edge beside him. TK did, happily, readjusting the grip of their joined hands so they could rest comfortably in Carlos’s lap. 

“I always knew they would like you,” Carlos told him with a grin, raising an eyebrow at his parents, “but I didn’t know what detectives they were.” 

“I am a Texas Ranger son,” Gabriel deadpanned, “in case you have forgotten.” 

Carlos rolled his eyes at his father, earning him a lackluster admonishment from his mother and TK let the warmth of this moment settle around him. He could tell Carlos’s parents still had questions, he knew there would be some hard conversations to be had in the coming days. But for now they were all here together, and Carlos was okay. Their secret was out and TK didn’t have to hide the love he felt for this man for anyone ever again. He leaned over to press a soft kiss to the top of Carlos’s head, savoring the ability to do so and the way Carlos leaned into him in turn. 

Things weren’t perfect but at this moment they were pretty close, and that was more than enough. 

[thesimperiuscurse]

08.04

It’s The Kingston Legacy’s sixth anniversary, so here’s a throwback post to celebrate! Last month I forced myself to reread the entire legacy, and while I stopped, clicked off the tab, and emitted a soundless scream of pure cringe numerous times (I wish I was kidding)—the past generations are actually not as terrible as I remember. I think enough time has passed for me to detach myself from the childish storytelling and look back in nostalgia. 

Thank you to my fellow Wordpress writers who have come along the journey, some for many years now, through every high and low. It’s astounding how much has changed in the legacy from when I was 15, and 21. Follow me down the (very) long memory lane, as I reminiscence about each story and my perspective on them now ❤

Generation 1 — Fern (2015)

To my shock, I found myself genuinely enjoying Fern’s story. I think this was because the first generation was purely me commentating on gameplay, and not trying to write a story (that’s when the cringe began). I was inspired by one of the original stories, Alice and Kev, to make a homeless sim and document her struggle for a better life: Fern, a snobby aspiring writer. Reading this, a huge wave of nostalgia hit me, and it reminded me of how wonderful Sims 3 gameplay is. Although I’m long past it now, there’s real heart and life in the design. I think it speaks about the rich personalities and quirks that I could write a whole life story off it. It was super fun making Fern camp out at Old Pier Beach, stealing from townie picnics and roasting apples on the fire, finding little ways to scrounge money, giving her a makeover in the salon, watching the townie dramas unfold around her. Although she faced homelessness two times and a shitty first husband (yeah, fuck off, Xander), Fern grew into a strong and independent yet sweet and gentle character, in love with the ocean like her great-granddaughter comes to be.  

I never actually addressed this, but she (and her love Christopher) passed away in the story between the end of Gen 3 and start of Gen 4. It just felt weird to make it a big deal because they never died in game—still ‘alive’ and well, scattered across different backup saves and the bin.  

Generation 2 — Briar (2015)

Briar’s story was strange, because it was half gameplay and half story, which meant that there were things that just did not... make... sense. She was quite an ‘unreliable’ character to follow because of her Insane trait. The plot revolved around her as a fresh detective, investigating supernatural phenomena in Sunset Valley. Her character arc was almost the opposite to her mother’s: a naive, optimistic, silly girl hardening through trauma into a cold and ruthless police chief. Ash’s death was the one moment I felt true sadness in this legacy, because he did really die. Imagine me actually getting emotional over my characters, lmao. Wild. 

Also, Max is OP. To this day he is one of the best male characters in my legacy, a healthy and supportive best friend (to husband) in stark contrast to the following generation. 

Fallen Angels — Cherry (2016-2019)

Yes. It’s this generation. Square the fuck up, Cherry. I will fight her any day. Old readers will know of my pure hatred for this story. It’s been about two years since it thankfully ended. My verdict now?

It’s not quite as horrifically shitty, Gabriel and Lilith being a lot nicer than I remembered (Gabriel’s only a bit of a dick at the start), but it still has glaring problems, such as the pacing and clumsy handling of sensitive topics. The story would have been far nicer if it focused less on Cherry and Luc’s relationship and their respective issues, more on the found family and her relationship with Gabriel (which was rushed due to me despising the story by that point). During the first chapters, I was cringing spectacularly at the combination of Luc’s initial jackass behaviour and Cherry’s whining. Toxic as FUCK. I had to skip 3.8 and 3.9 entirely. These two (because of my own shameful mistake) tainted the generation in my eyes, and even though all of the characters grew from their toxicity, I can’t really see past that guilt to the better parts of the story. 

Jade has been telling me for years that this story isn’t all bad, and upon forcing myself to reread, I can see what you mean. I’m sorry LOL. Something that pleasantly surprised me was the writing quality (just the prose, not the actual story mechanics... lmfao), and Raphael, who made me smile every time he appeared. Every single careless, sarcastic line of his was a banger. The pictures are something else I like, too. Many of them stand up to the best ones in En Pointe—the fiery, gritty, industrial tones of Bridgeport just hits different. The world was rich and immersive, which is missing at the moment in En Pointe because of me being too lazy to build a proper Los Angeles world, but Act III is set in Boroughsburg so I’m excited to get back into the city scenes. 17 year old me wasn’t mature enough to tackle dark themes, but at least the visuals for them were nice, I guess. The atmosphere of the story I really enjoy. It’s just the toxic characters and way-too-angsty moments that ruin the whole thing for me. 

En Pointe — Evangeline (2019-)

And here we are now! The early chapters are kinda painful to read because 1) Mako looked so ugly and 2) the dialogue was so clumsy and generic. I sighed in relief when Chapter 5 came around, because it was then both of those aspects really began to improve. Eva’s voice was simple, with her punchy remarks, much less romantic and descriptive than Cherry, so it was interesting to see her voice becoming more complex and layered as I more understood her character. Also, me visibly struggling with the natural lighting and only getting a handle on it 7 chapters later has me shaking my head. 

I’m already beginning to identify issues with the story, mostly with character arcs and pacing. It’s a strange combination of fast pacing (spanning half a year in 8 chapters) and Eva becoming surprisingly comfortable with Mako’s touch due to their unusual pas de deux circumstances. It’s curious how real life time actually played into the pacing of the story—because of the slow publishing schedule, less time has passed in the story as real life, so it’s almost as if the time jumps were made up by real life time, making the jumps feel not too strange. Reading consecutively, however, Evako’s relationship growth doesn’t feel slow burn... a little underdeveloped, in a way, despite their lengthy conversations. I think that’s because of Mako being such a reserved and mysterious character, and that I’ve unconsciously come to rely on Tumblr to give more depth to the characters/relationships. Luckily, pretty much everyone who comments on the story also follows me here, so this dual-platform storytelling is okay, I suppose. I want to post more of #Mishako since there just isn’t enough time to explore their bromance in the story!

At the moment I’m not happy with the story, but it’s fine. I’m learning. There’s more than half the story to go, which means plenty of time to reflect upon the issues and improve. I’m really looking forward to Eva and Mako’s character arcs in Act III. At the moment their relationship is based on their natural chemistry and respect for each other, and since they are yet to face trials their bond isn’t super deep, but Evako are still my favourite couple in the legacy thus far, and feel much more real than any character I’ve written before. It’s been very interesting for my aro ass (and being way more logical than emotional) to figure out a dynamic that is actually compelling to me, because most of the time when I look at romance I’m just like 😐🤨 I’m liking it so far but we shall see how everything unfolds, because I have barely any idea what’s going to happen beyond Act II, lmfao. 

That’s it for my incredibly long throwback! I hope it was at least nice for the OG readers, and interesting for anyone else who managed to battle through this essay, haha. This family has been an integral part of me growing up, as a person and writer and artist (what I’ve developed in visuals I apply to architecture), learning a great deal of awareness about real life through story research, which is pretty cool now that I think about it. I’m aiming to finish En Pointe by the end of 2022. I’m excited for what unexpected changes are to come!

[owlbeanies]

AU In which the beta Trolls cheat In sgrub in order to avoid the jack situation and managed to shoot themselves back in time onto alternia. They get separated into multiple small groups.

Story follows mainly follows karkat and gamzee at first. This is well before murderstuck, and gamzee is useful for all of two seconds before getting horrendous sick from withdrawal. It might not be so bad if they had a reliable way of getting food and other resources(such as an alchemizer) but sadly they've found themselves in the middle of a city pre-second rebellion with not a penny to either of their names.

Karkat is stressed. He is very stressed. He has to find a way to provide for both of them in a matter a nights without also getting caught and dieing. He makes a smart decision to hide his sign, not because he realizes it puts him in danger, no, because he immediately decides the only course of action that makes sense is to turn to a life of crime(petty theft) and he doesn't want his crimes attached to his sign incase he has to sign-off on some legal bullshit later.

Gamzee is dieing. Not really he's okay 60% of the time and does what he can to help, but honestly the boy can't stand for 30 seconds without trying to throw up his guts. Gamzee pretty much serves as a decoy to throw off anyone looking for karkat. He is the least intimidating thing out there, but boy can he play up the "let me call my friends " card, which with his sign is terrifying enough to prevent any mildly inconvenienced person to ask questions.

At some point karkat runs into dualscar. Now he knows of dualscar through eridan, and he's a little freaked out at first but nothing comes of it so whatever. But then he keeps running into him. It might be partially his fault. Drunk people are really easy to rob and all the bars are a short walk from the docks so of course he's probably going to run into a couple of sea dwellers. Besides, he's only ever spoken 2 words to the fucker on accident and he doubts he was even noticed. As long as he keeps his distance he should be fine.

Gamzee’s getting a whole lot worse a whole lot faster, and karkat has pissed off the wrong person. He might have accidentally stolen from and subsequently injured a legislators' quad and now they need to flee town REAL fucking quick. Only problem being they don't have a map, and all the maps in town are the really fucking stupid ones that are far more complicated than they need to be for the sake of- what? Looking nice? Either way none of them are simple road maps and maybe if he had enough time to stare at them he could figure out where to go without getting lost, but time isn't something they have and gamzee knows how to read them quickly, so he packs the clown up and carries him to the map board. Gamzee can't see straight and even the small amount of light from the partially blocked moons manages to feel as if he just stared directly into the sun but boy does he try.

Dualscar meanwhile is sitting across the street in one of those face outdoor restaurant tables watching these two kids scramble to read a map. He downs whatever he's drinking and walks over because what in the fuck are they doing?

Karkat tells him to fuck off and mind his business.

He doesn't.

Gamzee figures out where they need to go and points.

They're offered a ride.

They both adamantly refuse because no absolutely not that is a horrible idea they will not be doing that ever. Then a legislator walks around a street corner in the background and they seriously consider it.

They both end up on the boat one way or the other, and not necessarily because they had a choice. Dualscar writes gamzee off as dead immediately and has him put with the other prisoners on the ship to be forgotten about. He doesnt know what he has and doesn't really care either. Karkat on the other hand is treated decently well. He got stuck doing basic bitch ship work, but hes fine. Any free time he has he spends taking care of gamzee who lost all coherence shortly after being picked up.

When they hit the docks karkat is paid for his time and told to run off now. Karkat is pleasantly surprised and is glad to be back on land, theres just one problem, wheres gamzee? Karkat is basically told "haha yeah no I'm keeping that one" and is no longer pleased. After one of many long winded and empty threats, he's then told the ships leaving in a week and he's free to join them again if he wishes.

Angry and alone karkat stops off into the new city.

He return, rather quickly at that, after spending everything he had on medicine and other essentials. Immediately he's back at Gamzee’s side. The ship sets sail again right on schedule and gamzee finally seems to be improving. It takes a few months for him to figure out how to stand on his own but once he gets it he's as hyperactive as ever to his own detriment. His balance is shot, and he's somehow clumsier than before. He keeps getting himself hurt and even worse than that, he's annoying the guards with his constant rambling. Karkat has on multiple occasions been sent down to shut him up for a few hours.

The second he's able to work, he's put to work and thank fuck that seems to shut him up. Any time they hit land they're both paid but only one of them is allowed to leave at any given time. It's stupid, it's annoying, they both know why it's done, and it's not like there's anything they can do about it. At least they're living better than they were.

Enviably karkat gets hurt. They get hit with a storm and karkat arm get pinch between two bits of metal. The injuries isn't terrible but it did rip off a decent amount of skin. Even in the heavy rain it's not possible to hide. While no one paid him any mind in the chaos once the storm had settled he's well aware of how royally fucked he is. Gamzee for the first time anyone has seen him is pissed. He's hyper aggressive towards anyone in his vicinity. The second karkat could be whisked away he boarded them in one of the sleeping quarters and threatens anyone who tries to open the door. It gets bad enough dualscar has to come in and swat at the both of them for being dumb. Karkats having a panic attack. Lil ol' gamzee who nearly breaks his neck 3 times a weak tripping over his own shoes is squaring up for a fight. There is no fight. No one cares about karkat. Infact they were keenly aware of karkat's blood the second they saw him all that time ago. Why do you think they fought so hard to keep hold of some random wrigglers? That boat is the safest place for them. When dual was asked why he’d help them at all if he knew, he just shrugged and said he owed someone a favor and keeping karkat alive was his way of repaying it.

Shit gets squared away. Sort of. The both of them are still extremely uncomfortable about the whole ordeal for months but not a thing comes out of it. Nothing bad at least. The two find themselves getting more comfortable on the ship. They start seeing the rest if the crew as friends and grow tight bonds with a lot of them.

Karkat, now freed from the constant nagging fear of getting found out, ends up far more bold than he otherwise would be. The rule stating only one is allowed to leave at a time is still there, but pushing his luck is his new favorite pass time.

Gamzee sustained numerous injuries from his sickness. Even sweeps later he still hasn't fully recovered. It's not obvious. He functions just fine on his own but one night he'd been out walking the town on his own and he ran across a group of subjugs. He's younger and smaller than the lot of them, not to mention a stranger, but they still invited him out for drinks and gossip. He goes, and hours later he returns safely, tipsy and a little high off whatever they were smoking, but safe. Dual take him out back to yell at him almost as soon as he returns. He's confused. He's gone drinking on his own before, and he's been out with karkat numerous times more, and never has he been screamed at for it. He takes offense. The only difference he can see is them being purple. They're family, his family, but that doesn't mean he'd run off with them. He'd never leave karkat behind, not ever would he dream of abandoning him. But that wasn't the problem. He put karkat in danger. He put the crew in danger. Is he really so deadpanned that he didn't think partying with the grand highblood and crew was a bad idea? Now Gamzee’s lost. When did he run into his ancestors? No one introduced themselves as such. He hadn't seen them. Didn't really see anyone actually, especially not the person wearing the same sign as him, embroidered fancily across their chest and down their arms.

Hes blind. For all he fought that label, stating he still saw shapes and colors, for the first time he had to admit it to someone. He begged him not to tell karkat. The last thing he wanted was to worry him. He was told he needed to, at some point, preferably soon, tell him himself. He left the conversation with a new rule placed on him for the time being. He's not allowed off the ship alone anymore.

[loosesodamarble]

Demon Slayer Renaming Continued

Thanks again to @cringeyvanillamilk for assisting me with this renaming project! I'd also like to give a shout out to @cryo-visionary, @spindaonateaspoon, and @loafingdragon for letting me bounce my thoughts off them while I was coming up with the last few names! These guys are good friends and wonderful creators! Please, check out their blogs!

Now it’s time to reveal the new names for the other Demon Slayer character for their migration into the world of Black Clover. Like with the Pillars, it was hard breaking down these Japanese names and finding names with similar meanings/feelings to them.

Thankfully, some of these characters are related to character already given their surnames so that takes care of explaining a few of them. Still, there was quite a bit of work to do.

As always, names written in Japanese are written with the surname first. Names written in English have the given name first.

Tanjirou Kamado (竈門 炭治郎): Tanjirou’s given name contains three kanji. The first means “coal,” “charcoal,” or “cinder.” Second is the character for “govern/regulate” or “cure/heal.” The final kanji means “son,” as we’ve seen in several other characters’ names. His surname is written with the kanji for “hearth” and “gate.” As a young mage a dual affinity for Water and Sun Magic, he would be... Conleth Coaler: The name Conleth is Irish in origin, meaning “chaste fire.” I like the alliteration of the name, it works with the “hearth” character in his surname, and it’s a reference to the Breath of the Sun being called the Dance of the Fire God. As for the family name, way back when, a lot of surnames came from people being named after their jobs. Since the Kamado family were charcoal sellers and Tanjirou’s name includes the kanji for “coal,” I decided to make his surname Coaler.

Nezuko Kamado (竈門 禰豆子): Although some people might think that the “nezu” part of Nezuko’s name is meant to mean “mouse,” the kanji written actually mean “sacred” and “bean.” The final kanji in her name is the one for “child.” Nezuko’s name as an elf host with dual Fire and Light Magic user would be... Lucasta Coaler: The name Lucasta comes from a poem of the same name by Richard Lovelace to the woman he loved. It’s a nickname for her coming from the Latin phrase lux casta which literally translates into “pure light.” It is fitting as Nezuko’s blood demon art is fire, creating light, and the idea of purity relating to the “sacred” kanji in her name.

Zenitsu Agatsuma (我妻 善逸): Zenitsu’s given name is written with the kanji 善 that means “virtue/goodness” and 逸 which means “flee/hide/lost/outstanding” (one of these things is not like the others). As for his surname, it roughly translates into “my wife” as the kanji (in order) mean “I/me” and “wife.” A lot of this is very straight forward and easy to work with. So, the name he has as a Lightning Magic user in the Amber Songbird squad is... Egil McBride: The name Egil seems to come from Old Norse, derived from the term “agi” which means “awe” or “terror.” It’s fitting as “awe” has positive connotations like the first kanji in his name while “terror” has negative connotations like the second kanji. As for that surname, you all are going to have to trust me when I say that I literally had a classmate with this family name. It’s legitimate. There is no way I’m not giving the name to Zenitsu.

Inosuke Hashibira (嘴平 伊之助): To start, the first syllables of Inosuke’s name are the same as the beginning of the Japanese word for boar (inoshishi). As for the meaning of the kanji, they are as follows: “this,” a possessive particle (think of it like an ‘s), and “assistance.” Hashibira is written with characters that mean “beak” and “peace/flat.” The name I came up with for Inosuke as a Beast Magic user wandering Clover Kingdom is... Boris Fritz: The first syllable of the given name sounds like “boar” just like how “Ino” is homophonous with the beginning of the Japanese word for “boar.” It’s also a shortened version of the Slavic name Borislav, containing “borti” meaning “battle” and “slava” meaning “glory” (how very appropriate for him). As for his surname, it comes from the Germanic element of "frid," meaning "peace."

Genya Shinazugawa (不死川 玄弥): The first kanji in Genya’s name means “mysteriousness” or “occultness,” which makes sense considering his, uh, unorthodox abilities in canon. He shares the second character in his name with Sanemi, which means “increasing” or “universally.” As before with Sanemi, the name Shinazugawa means “immortal river.” As the younger brother of the Jade Raptor’s captain, Genya’s name becomes... Runard Ambrose: This name comes from combining the Old Norse word for “secret” (rún) and the Germanic word for “brave, hardy.” The first half relates to the first kanji in Genya’s name while the second is fitting of his character. The name also makes an interesting parallel to his brother’s name (Adivar) since it means “truth.” It’s ironic since Genya is a more open person while Sanemi is the one to bury his feelings deep within himself.

Kanao Tsuyuri (栗花落 カナヲ): The trouble with Kanao’s name is that it isn’t written with any kanji characters, so there’s no easily defined meaning to it. Fortunately, like, Shinobu’s name, there are words that sound similar from which her name could come from. The words I found were the volitional conjugations of the following words: “to rival” (敵おう), “to match” (適おう), or “to be fulfilled” (叶おう) in regards to dreams or wishes. Her surname does have kanji which are “chestnut,” “flower,” and “to fall or drop” respectively. As a mage in the Wisteria Butterfly squad, her name would be... Filomina Castaniva: The name combines φιλος (philos) meaning “friend” or “beloved” and μενος (menos) which means anything from “wish” to “courage” to “strength.” The “wish” meaning relates to the possible meaning of Kanao’s name and the name overall is a reference to how befriending and falling for Tanjirou opened Kanao to her own desires and a greater strength. The surname is derived from the scientific name for the Spanish chestnut, Castanea sativa. I chose this specific species since it is the species of chestnut that grows in Europe.

Kanae Kochou (胡蝶 カナエ): Same as Kanao, Kanae’s name is written without kanji but we can find words with similar sounds and go off that. Her name is homophonous with the word for “a three-legged kettle.” Not the coolest thing to be named after but her name could also come from the same words as Kanao, but as the stems of the potential conjugations - 敵える, 適える, or 叶える. Kanae definitely fits with the last definition best since she had a dream to see humans and demons co-exist peacefully, even though she never got to see it through herself. With all this in mind, the name I gave her as the retired Wisteria Butterfly captain is... Desirae Danain: One spelling of the name Désirée which is derived from the French word for “to desire,” like a want. It think it's a good complement to the “kanau” meaning “to be fulfilled.” For that and how it connects to Kanae’s dream, I went with this name. I think in the world of Black Clover, she would instead have a dream of seeing the four human kingdoms and other races learn to live in harmony. She shares her surname with Shinobu, or should I say Patience.

Sabito (錆兎): Since we don’t know Sabito’s family name, there’s not much to work with. What we do have are the kanji 錆 which means “rust” or “patina” (which is that layer of green that forms on bronze, brass, or copper due to oxidation). The second character, 兎, simply means “rabbit.” From these kanji, I give Sabito the following name as the vice captain of the Cobalt Ocean... Payton Harrison: I’m basing this given name both on the fact that it vaguely sounds similar to “patina” but also on its meaning. While the sources aren’t clear, I’ve found that the name Payton supposedly means “fighting man’s estate” which is fitting of Sabito’s character. The surname simply means “son of Harry” which doesn’t mean much but it contains the sound “hare,” an animal related to rabbits.

Tamayo (珠世): Tamayo also only has her given name and two kanji to work with. The first character in her name can be translated as “pearl,” “gem,” or “jewel.” The second kanji is commonly understood and translated at “world.” As a researcher of forbidden magic and curses, and someone working against the powers of devils, I give her the name... Margareta Verelden: The given name is used in several languages such as Romanian, German, and Croatian that comes from the Greek μαργαρίτης (margarites), meaning “pearl.” Her surname is a combination of "verden" and "wereld," the Danish and Dutch words for "world," with the Dutch word being in its plural form.

Yoriichi Tsugikuni (継国 縁壱): Yoriichi’s given name is written with the characters that mean “fate,” “relationship,” or “connection” and then “one” (it should be noted that this “one” isn’t commonly used in day-to-day life and is mostly seen in legal documents). The first character in his surname means “inherit” or “succeed” (like a line of succession, not victory) and the second means “country.” Dustyn: His given name is an alternative spelling of the name Dustin which sounds like the words “destiny” or “destined” in connection to the first kanji of Yoriichi’s name. As for the meaning, that would be “brave/valiant warrior,” coming from Old German and Old English roots. Since in canon we don't see any elves with family names, I've opted to keep to that trend.

Michikatsu Tsugikuni (継国 厳勝): Michikatsu’s given name is written using characters that mean “strict” or “stern” and “victory” respectively. The first kanji works in relation to his personality, especially during his time as a demon. The second one is probably related to the fact that he was the chosen heir of their family and wanted to be the greatest samurai. Anyways, his name as the leader of the elf resurrection cult is... Viktr: The name comes from me corrupting the spelling of Victor, which is literally just one letter shy of the word “victory” and generally means “winner” or “conquerer.” Same as with Yoriichi, Michikatsu doesn't get a family name as an elf.

Senjurou Rengoku (煉獄 千寿郎): There’s not much to explain here as most of the kanji that appear in Senjurou’s name are also in Kyoujurou’s name. The only unique kanji is the character 千 which means “thousand. So, as the younger brother of Captain Eric Enfernus, he would be named... Ezeren Enfernus: The “ezer” part of his name comes from the Hungarian word for “one thousand.” Also, there’s a mountain named Mount Ezeren in Bulgaria.

[amiramorozova]

Dual Summoner x The darkling pt. 5

I questioned everything at the time as Baghra didn't take me to her training hut but instead sent me off to bed. I could feel it through the shadows within the darling lingering for some kind of sun, I knew there was nothing I could offer him right now. I put my back to the wall and closed my eyes looking at my room. All the design was a tidemaker room but I chose to put my hands together and have the sun in my hands. It calmed me down with this almost happening but I knew the truth. I had his attention now.

Now that he has seen me again, how much longer will I be able to hide the sun from him? I thought

Focusing on the light in my hands as I smiled looking at it feeling it's warmth, it was what kept me calm. I wanted to just come out and tell but that was the thing I had to keep hidden, I was in there for a few hours. I heard a knock on my door as I closed my hand and opened it seeing Nadia and Marie.

"You ok Amira?" Marie asked

"I've been through worse." I said "I was followed today."

"What?" They said together as I let them in and closed the door "General Kirigan followed me to the secret training area."

"Did he see the light?" Nadia asked and I shook my head no "He does know who I am and he has seen my face now."

Marie and Nadia looked at each other knowing they were the only two besides Baghra who knew my secret. A secret I had hidden for a long time from them until I had opened up and it was starting to get harder to hide it. I knew that one day I was going to be found out but how was I going to be found out by everyone else? That question lingered with me every day as I tried to get my thoughts together.

"You said you are possibly eternal, so why don't you date?" Nadia asked

"yeah, my power keeps growing. I heard there is one who is eternal somewhere here." I said without saying who

"Then date them!" Marie said

I laughed a bit at her eagerness but I wanted to tell them what I knew but that would be bad. I was aware of a squaller who was already going to the one who is eternal. It didn't really bother me because he wasn't anything to me but I was not wanting a fight.

"I can't." I said "I think he is seeing someone else besides he doesn't even know I am."

"Who is this eternal one?" Nadia asked

I shook my head knowing Baghra said never to tell anyone about the darklings' true age. I knew better and I knew friends trusted each other but I had to be careful. I just tried to change the subject so they would stop bringing it up to me for now.

"It doesn't matter, as long as we do what we need to." I said

"Hey, you think when you know that your Kefta will still be blue like ours with your unique design they'll have to make it?" Marie asked

This question caught me off guard cause I wasn't expecting it from Marie. I laughed a bit at her question finding it so funny she was worried about the main color of the Kefta with the future design. I wanted to just laugh all this off like it was funny but neither of them were laughing.

"What? You're serious? Why would it not be blue like this one with the new design?" I asked her shocked

"Well, you never know. General Kirigan could decide you deserve to stand out and put you in black like him." Marie said

"Why? He's the only one who wears black. Everyone else wears Blue, Red, Purple, or white." I said

"Well you said you were told he could be a good match, so why not?" Nadia asked

"I don't really think he's going to take that much interest." I said

They didn't seem to think otherwise but I had to admit it was something to consider. my design was I to be found out or decide to let people know would be the sun summoner gold with tidemaker blue. The more I thought about that it would really stand out on a Black kefta..the eternal ones black.

"Let's make a promise." Marie said snapping me out of my thoughts

"What kind of promise?" I asked

"If anything were to happen between you and General Kirigan, you have to let us know." Marie said

"Yeah, we want all the gossip straight from you. First kiss and anything you might want to share." Nadia said

First kiss? I thought

The idea of having a sort of forbidden romance with the general while being part of the 2nd army was in my mind now. I blushed slightly at the thought and covered my eyes. I was thinking about it and knew it wasn't right even with everything I knew. I wanted to do more than this but I had to keep it hidden.

"O-Ok." I said, "I promise."

They soon left as I went to bed not long after knowing that I couldn't avoid it. I didn't mean to act so innocently around them but it couldn't be helped. We teased each other all the time and it was the normal thing to do in these crazy situations.

Next morning I got up and prepared for the day starting with a bath then heading to breakfast after getting dressed with my Kefta on. I didn't mind the breakfast but I was growing tired of the same meals. I thought he could have chosen a bit better for the 2nd army but I never complained once as I ate.

When we got released for training I decided to work with Marie as tidemakers sometimes backed down from fire. If the occasion arose I didn't want to be one of them to back down. Marie put me through a hard time but I was glad that I was able to manage. I noticed Marie looked over at something but I was staying focused as a tidemaker should. When we were done I went and got some water to drink as Marie got up by me.

"General Kirigan is out here again." Marie said

"So?" I asked

Before Marie could answer me I heard Botkin call all tidemakers over and I looked at her wondering what was going on. Knowing she was an inferni she didn't have the answer but I walked over with the other tidemakers. Nadia looked at me and I looked at her. The curiosity was there for both of us on what was going on.

"A fire has broken out in the forest near farms that we get resources from. General Kirigan has asked for a few tidemakers to assist with the problem so when your name is called, get anything you may need and head to the front of the little palace." Botkin said

There are many tidemakers. Probably impossible my name would get called. I thought

Botkin started naming those that were going as I listened, knowing most tidemakers I did know. I was glad that it seemed less and less likely I would be part of it up until the last name called was mine. Nadia seemed happy that I was going to be with her in taking care of the fire and I wondered if there was something more to this as we went to prepare.

"I overheard General Kirigan ask for you specifically." Nadia said

"Me? I'm a struggling tidemaker." I said with a little smile to Badia knowing she knew the truth that I held back.

Once at the front of the little palace were horses and healers that were ready to assist us when we needed. I knew there was risk no matter where we went but I had to go without refusing. I knew this was going to be hard for me but I couldn't hold back now when there was a fire.

other people come first before myself. I thought

Getting on a horse we rode to where the forest was and like all the tidemakers I was ready to fight. The other tidemakers started as Nadia and I looked at each other before we put our hands together to use our own tidemaker abilities and used it to try to extinguish the fire. We kept up with our tidemaker powers as the others started to fold back one by one. I was holding my ground and I was sure that it was going to take a lot more than we had when suddenly I felt this surge of power go through me. As I focused on the tidemaker abilities I saw the fire getting extinguished and when we were done Nadia noticed I was breathing a bit heavy.

"Amira." Nadia said

I looked to see what was going on when I noticed black and started realizing that someone's hand was on my shoulder. I carefully turned around and came face to face with General Kirigan. My surprise had to be present cause he looked down at me and seemed to be looking at my eyes. I felt his fingers graze my cheek where I flinched, realizing I was burned by the fire and yet I couldn't look away from him. He seemed to be looking for something but I was scared he would sense the sun within me. Still he removed his hand from my cheek.

"We must get you to a healer." General Kirigan said

Realizing I was staring I looked over at Nadia who only smiled once the general turned his back to us. I blushed a bit knowing that I could feel his shadows within looking for the light, the sun. The starless saint was what the darkling was called so when we walked over the healers looked over people. Most of them didn't have burns cause they backed down before it was out but a healer approached the two of us.

"You girls will need to wait to be healed back at the little palace, your bravery is acknowledged." The healer said

I merely shrugged a bit knowing there wasn't much I could do with being hurt. Still, we went back to the little palace, got all cleaned up then I went to a healer to see Nadia walking out. I sat there while they took care of the burns. I knew that power was a mix of mine and an amplifier so that was a taste of what an amplifier could do for me. 

maybe I shouldn't get one right away. I thought

"All done Amira, head to the dining hall. All tidemakers are getting special meals." The healer said 

"right, thank you." I said 

Going to the dining hall I walked till I found my seat and sat between Marie and Nadia. I was glad that this wasn't going to change but watched as they were bringing out food for everyone. I saw the tidemakers get chicken meals which were very kind but when it came to mine I saw I got a chicken meal and a salad. I was in surprise but then so was Marie and Nadia as they compared it to Nadia's meal.

"Well, it seems you have the general's attention, Amira." Nadia teased. 

"Not funny." I said 

I ate with everyone but I could feel envious stares at me from the table and I tried to ignore them. I begged that this was some kind of mistake that someone would come out and say they gave me the wrong meal. Scold me for eating this but no one ever did as we all ate in silence and I just didn't know what more to expect at this moment.

[thesweetestkimberry]

(icy) hot chocolate

pairings: shoto todoroki x reader

summary: not only are you homesick, but you’ve also harbored feelings for the icy hot student in your class.

warnings: might be a curse?, ooc, doesn’t make sense, mentons of selena and chocolate de la abuelita 🤷🏽‍♀️

notes: pls have mercy, it was like,, 2 am, this one hops around and i might take it down,, but enjoy anyway !

『° 。✰˚⋆☾⋆。✰°』

after you’d finished your homework, or what you wanted to finish, you were left feeling a bit disheartened. your family sent you to this school in hopes of you being able to master and better your quirk, even going so far as to give you the opportunity to become a world renowned hero.

so after saying your goodbyes to your friends and family, you were on your way to japan.

the transition was slightly difficult, especially considering the amount of culture shock. the manners and daily life was so different from what you were used to, however it was helpful to have a few staff and students speak english to aid you.

Aizawa knew a bit of english, mostly due to being friends with present mic. all might spoke english as well, along with some students who were able to hold conversations with you in said language. momo and todoroki were the ones you mostly conversed with, momo was nice enough to help you in classes and in anything you had difficulty understanding.

you only knew shoto spoke english when he asked you a question one day during lunch. a non important one, but it sounded fluent enough, only responding with how his father put him and his siblings through private education during their younger years. apparently that’s where he began to learn the language.

you’d gotten along with the class pretty well, your personality allowing for a little bit of everyone to want to befriend you. despite all that, something drew you to the dual quirk user. was it his looks? his quiet nature? maybe his obliviousness that you sometimes found endearing.

it wasn’t long before the girls were able to tell that you’d been less than sneakily about eyeing him.

“you like him!” mina shouted one day at lunch, your hand slapping over her mouth to quiet her, the outburst earning a few confused glances from your other classmates.

“ooo (y/n)’s got a crush?” kaminari teasingly asks, slinging an arm around your shoulder and pulling you close, “let go of her dipshit!” sero scolds, reaching over to yank his friends arm off you. you send him a grateful look, only to have it turn into one of disgust.

“did you just lick my hand!?” you shout, furiously wiping it on mina’s uniform, watching her laugh.

“but seriously (y/n), you can’t hide it from me!” she said in a sing-song voice, poking a finger at your chin and using it to turn your head to where todoroki was sitting, next to iida and midoriya.

“no way! you have a thing for todoroki?” denki announced, you and sero smacking him to shut him up.

your breath hitched when you turned to check if shoto had heard you, only to see his mismatched colored eyes staring right back at you.

you squeaked and ducked your head, covering your face with your arms, suddenly wishing someone’s quirk could just make you disappear.

with a few muttered apologies from denki, lunch had ended, and back to class you all went. you hoped and prayed you didn’t have to interact with shoto anytime soon.

as if the ancient deities of the past answered your prayers, you didn’t have to be in close quarters with him until classes ended, meaning you’d all be going back to the dorms.

forgoing dinner, you sat in your room, embarrassed.

“oh god, i bet he thinks i’m fucking weird.” you groan, flopping down onto your bed you palm your eyes. the sensation causing bursts of light to seemingly appear behind your closed lids. adding onto your embarrassment, you’d become upset, resulting in wondering about how things could be different back home.

of course this trivial little mishap didn’t deter you from wanting to attend UA, but it did make you wish you had advice from your friends and family back home. finding yourself missing them, you checked the time, realize it’s midnight. way past curfew.

you also realize that you’re craving something sweet. walking over to your little pantry, you pulled out a familiar pack of hot chocolate.

making your way quietly and carefully out your room, you hopped into the elevator and made your way down.

unbeknownst to you, someone had crept out of their room and pressed the button for the elevator, bringing it back up as you exited, walking to the kitchen.

you hummed to yourself, a familiar tune of a cumbia by a famous singer from your parents’ time.

pointing yourself some milk in a pot, you unwrapped the brick of a chocolate, savoring the smell. you broke the chocolate along it’s grooves, about to add in enough for you, only for a cough to draw your attention.

your head shot up at the sound, your voice caught in your throat at the boy who stared back at you

“i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to disturb you.” he says slowly walking up to where you were, “todoroki!” you exclaim in surprise.

“what are you doing up? i didn’t wake you up did it?” you ask him, worried you had disturbed his rest with your noise.

“don’t be silly. i already happened to be awake, i also heard you humming, what was it?” he asks, finally making his way next to you, so close that your shoulders were almost brushing, “oh! it’s called dreaming of you.” you inform him, dropping in the chinch of chocolate into the now warm milks

“want some?” you ask, gesturing to the pot you were stirring. “what is it?” he questions, leaning down and catching a whiff of the mixture, “it’s hot chocolate.” you respond.

“hot chocolate? it’s a beverage correct?” he asks, the question making you look up in surprise.

“yeah, it is. but why do you say it like you’ve never tried it.” you joke, waiting for a laugh or smile, only to receive a blank look.

“oh my god! you’re trying some.” you say definitely, watching his brows shoot up, “are you sure? i wouldn’t want to be a bother.” he says with a pink tint to his cheeks that you don’t seem to notice,

“just give me a few minutes and it’ll be ready.” you say adding in an extra chunk of chocolate for shoto, mixing it in and watching the milk turn a darker shade of brown.

“my grandmother used to make this for me all the time,” you share, watching how he stared at you intently, “she even used to add cinnamon.” you continue, making sure the chocolate has melted completely before turning off the stove.

before you could move, shoto beat you to the cabinet where he retrieved two mugs, yours and his.

shortly after moving into the dorms, the whole class had gone out to the mall in search of things that would make the dorms more homey, and to avoid any confusion, you all decided to get individual mugs.

yours was shaped like a frog, whereas shoto’s was a red and white striped mug, for obvious reasons.

serving the hot drink, you carefully handed shoto his. as he took the mug, your fingers brushed gently against one another, the feeling shooting a warm feeling throughout both your bodies.

the two of you quickly part, blushing and turning away from one another.

“careful, it’s hot.” you warn, although feeling stupid because of his quirk, “i can cool it down.” he says simply, placing the mug in his right hand.

“i... i overheard denki say something during lunch.” he said after a brief pause, your body freezing and nearly dropping the mug in your hands. quickly setting it down, you bowed your head, afraid to meet his eyes.

“i’m sorry about that, you must think i’m weird.” you apologize, still not meeting his gaze, unaware of how soft it fell on you.

“no not at all.” came his response, his answer shocking you. “in fact,” he says, setting down his mug, “i’m glad you feel the same way.”

his words made you nearly jump out in joy, your heart screaming and face flushing.

“feel the same way?..” you ask, slightly disbelieving his words, “yes, about having feelings for you. i have for quite a bit now.” he admits, a pink blush looking beautiful on his skin.

“todoroki i,” “shoto, please.” he cuts you off, “shoto... i-i feel the same way, although you already knew that.” you groan, a blush taking over your features as well.

“would it be alright of me to ask if you’d like to join me for an evening out?” he says shyly looking at you, his eyes darting between you and your mugs on the counter.

“are you asking me on a date?” you confirm, watching as he nods before standing straight and looking into your eyes, “yes.” was all he could say, a faint flame lighting up in his hair and on his shoulder.

“of course,” you answer, watching his face light up, his eyes showing how truly happy he was, even is his mouth only showed the hint of a smile.

“but you have to try the hot chocolate or else i’m not going.” you tease, watching him scramble to retrieve his mug, “calm down,” you giggle, “i’m only joking.”

he stares at you, a faint smile still on his lips, “well, here’s to us.” he toasts quietly, tapping your mug with his before raising it to his lips, taking a sip.

you gouged for his reactions smiling wide into your mug when you saw his eyes widen, “this is delicious.” he says looking at you, holding the drink close to his chest, “i’m glad you enjoy it, it’s mostly a comfort drink for me.” you say taking a few sips of your own.

“thank you for allowing me to share this drink with you.” he says gently nudging your shoulder with his, the action surprising you.

“thank you for reciprocating my feelings.” you say, daring to rest your head against his shoulder, considering he was slightly taller than you were.

“how could i not? you’re everything.”

[yanderecandystore]

Can I request a soulmate thingy with the bullies and delinquents?

Hi! Well, I got a little confused about your request but I think I got it, although I normally do one pair of ocs per post (or all ocs at once-) I guess I could do about both delinquents and bullies-

Especially since soulmate conundrums can be such a complex thing that it would take a long time to write one single post with every single OC lol-

Thank you for requesting!

TW/Tags: angst here and there // long as fuck // Soulmate shenanigans // not so great relationships (bullying) // cursing // delusional expectations/ideas // gender neutral reader

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Soulmate issues lol [Yandere!Bully OC/Yandere! Delinquent OC x Soulmate!Reader - Scenario]:

🎇 Let me set the stage for a quick sec!🎇

In this timeline, let us just say that something very specific happens to make it possible for two or more people to realize that they may be soulmates (cause I don't know how else I could create this universe boo XD). I think that two people that are soulmates would not be aware of it until they would be able to see each other's birthmarks, kinda like a magical symbol that is stuck on your skin ever since you were born.

In a reality where you are aware that you have a destined loved one possibly waiting for you and that it would be treason of you to not search for them, you could imagine how high your expectations were.

Well, not only your expectations but also the expectations of the entire society surrounding you, expecting you to simply accept whoever carries the same exact birth symbol as you.

Even if having a birthmark that dictates your future love interest is a common thing in your society, it doesn't mean that people just go around showing each other's birthmarks. It's believed that there is no need to rush things and that if you did find the love of your life, it's not because of the birthmark itself, but rather the spiritual connection between you two that brought you together unconsciously.

As I said before, your expectations were just as high as your hopes, as you wished to be able to meet the person who would "complete" you, the person carrying the soul of someone that had loved you through life and death, carrying the soul of the person YOU loved through life and death!

Now, how badly can this beautiful idealized narrative go?- I mean, consider your soulmates that is.

🍒Bullies🍭:

→ Alexandra Coldwell:

Alexandra is not exactly a patient person, you can imagine that the idea of having someone that would instantly fall in love with her was a really interesting idea, almost too good to be true.

Don't get me wrong, she believed this whole shenanigan to be unnecessary and dictating. She thought it was stupid to just start loving someone she doesn't know, and it's not like she is going to kiss some stranger's ass just because they have the same birthmark as her.

Ugh, that thing almost felt like some sort of bad tattoo she should have thought twice about having. It was a beautiful symbol, an elegant C' on emblem surrounded by thorns. Doctors believed that Alexandra could possibly be the reincarnation of one of her ancestors, since her birthmark is coincidentally similar to the old Coldwell family symbol used in the middle ages.

Although there isn't any evidence left of who was the "original owner" of the birthmark, neither of the people who they were destined to be with, which doesn't really matter to her at all, since she still thinks this "tattoo" was only a reminder of something stupid that she did that she doesn't want to be a part of it anymore.

Even after knowing that the possibility of seeing her "sOuLmATe" walking around town was possible, Alexandra never really cared about finding them. She preferred to have fun with as many people as she could instead of following her heart or whatever, she doesn't need anyone after all.

That's what she thought before noticing your birthmark. That symbol, that same exact symbol was placed on your skin, on YOU of all people. She has been bullying you ever since you entered the university but she had never EVER considered the possibility of you being her soulmate.

Even so, it does make a lot of sense! Ever since you entered the institution, you two had a weird connection that kept bringing each other closer although unconsciously. It felt like somehow she couldn't stop picking on you, and to you, it felt like there was no escape from her.

And it seems that your interpretation of your situation was correct, considering that now you are apparently bound to her with the same stupid destiny tattoo or whatever-

The fact that you are the one person she is bound to eternity is extremely humorous to her at first. It's both insulting and ironic that a nerd like you got the chance in a lifetime to be her soulmate, don't you feel lucky?

She will continue her bullying because obviously this is a great opportunity to show you your place, which is by her side no matter what you say or do. Alexandra believed that this was either a well crafted joke by the universe or just a cruel punishment to her, having someone like you be tied to her by love sounds so absurd…

And pretty fitting, in a way.

As time passed Alexandra started to grow closer to you, her bullying and general mean attitude had seemed to tone down as long as it was towards you. She seemed to have found a soft spot for you in her heart, but sadly, things don't always work like we plan them to.

You were disgusted by the fact ever since you realized it, how can you be stuck with her, of all people in the entire world? The soft feeling you get when you stand next to her doesn't help your case at all!-

Why of all people here, your bully has to be your soulmate? Maybe it was foolish of you to believe that when you finally found the one and only you would feel happy, maybe it was foolish for you to believe that the person you had fallen for once would be a actually gentle and caring person.

While Alexandra tried to get closer to you, you made your best efforts to get away from her as fast as you could. You didn't want to be near your bully specially when you just discovered that the reason you have continued to endure it for so long was because of the entire soulmate thing! Curse the stupid feelings that she gives you every time she is playful or soft towards you.

If you two had known each other in different conditions, this could all be a lot easier to deal with.

→ Adrien Coldwell:

Adrien may look pretty unbothered on the outside, yet that is nothing but a facade to keep his reputation from instantly falling as he squeals in excitement. This is perfect for him.

Differently from his sister, who has a symbol that is almost reminiscent of the old Coldwell brand mark and that has granted her the "special sibling of the dual" statues, Adrien has a somewhat weird birthmark. Is quite simply a shield with cherry on top. Is simple, pretty basic even.

There were no data associating his birthmark to anyone in his family, so presumably he isn't a possible reincarnation as his sister is, which lead the family to favor her over him since his birthmark has no resemblance of anything related to the family's history or is it intriguing or fun to look at.

It's a simple mark. What's so good about it?

And that's exactly what they got wrong, it was the exact opposite of a simple mark. It had a great meaning to Adrien, it meant something so important to him that he has sworn to search for his soulmate because of it. Because no one seemed to take his birthmark seriously he felt compelled to actually understand what it could mean, and how could he use it to get closer to his special someone.

His sister seemed to be the only one who noticed how the neglect affected Adrien to the point he decided to put up a mask and hide his need for even a little bit of attention.

I wouldn't bat an eye if he was the one to actually find out about you two sharing the same birthmark first. He has been stalking you and harassing you for so long, it would make sense as to why he feels so good when he is in your presence or interacting with you.

Granted that your earlier encounters were just him being an ass and being pretty rude to you in class, but now it's different you know??

He is so glad to have found you, finally- He got too excited to even show you that you two had the same symbol glued in your skins, he just started acting differently one day.

One day, while you were at the university he literally just gave you a small gift and called you out on a date. It was pretty frightening seeing someone who doesn't smile a lot trying to express fondness through their menacing looking grin, you had instantly thought it was some sort of elaborate prank yet you couldn't stop yourself from simply following with his plan.

You just felt compelled to go with him, despite the fact he has been nothing but a childish bully towards you. You can imagine the surprise on your face when he actually came to pick you up and have a great time chatting over a simple meal at a expensive ass restaurant you could never afford-

While you were being paranoid and trying to see where the "punchline", the "climax" of his prank was, he was enjoying his time with you not even noticing the fact you looked at him with suspicion written in your face.

You ended up spelling out your confusion and distrust of his person, claiming that you didn't know what he had in-store for you, but if this was some sort of prank he should just get it done with because you needed to be back home soon.

He was so shocked at your statement that he almost felt his heart breaking at your words, the sudden realization that he hasn't shown you why he was acting so kindly towards you in the first place.

And that's when the whole night went from confusing to horrible. You felt genuinely bad that the truth about his kindness wasn't because of a genuine change of heart, but rather because of your soul connection.

But that revelation wasn't as bad as when you actually notice you catching feelings for him throughout this time he has been a douche with you. You realized the exact reason why you came here, HE had realized the exact reason you came here.

You felt yourself panicking, leaving the restaurant immediately, how can you be his soulmate even if he is such a jerk with you??

How can you tell if these feelings are due to a genuine interest or just the connection through souls?

Why does it hurt to think he is only being kind because of the effects the birthmark has on him?

Even if the birthmark represents a strong bond that can't even be broken by death itself, you felt genuinely concerned for this being a disingenuous love. Yet that brings the question: Why do you care so much? Isn't he just an asshole you met in your class?

While you left crying confused of the sudden wave of questions clouding your mind, Adrien was feeling that our void consumed him.

Apparently he was wrong about his expectations, he shouldn't have thrown a bomb at you so suddenly. Or maybe, you don't really love him at all, and don't want anything to do with him.

There is nothing left but a poor foolish man crying while making no sound in his fancy table.

🍋Delinquents🐛:

→ Jackson Macnee:

Not exactly the most obvious romantic lover in the world, Jack can be pretty "whatever" when it comes to these things. He didn't really believed in the idea of love at first sight, although he is the type to get instant crushes really fast-

Jack's birthmark it's surprisingly cool looking, a snake coiling itself on a branch. It's so funny how it looks like a natural tattoo, he even decided to not hide it at all since he liked the look of it. It's not uncommon for people to leave their birthmarks visible, but in the case of Jack he used to wear it in public as a real tattoo rather than a soulmate birthmark.

Whenever someone asked about it, he would lie saying it wasn't the real deal, and when it came to people asking "which one is it then?" he would tell them to fuck off. It's none of their fucking business, it's supposed to be a intimate thing, isn't it?

Jack believed that the symbol was something way too important to be shared out as a talking subject, so much so that he has considered many times covering his birthmark in public due to the prying eyes looking at it. Yet he wore it as a tattoo so he could find someone who would recognize it as their own symbol, and whoever didn't recognize it, didn't deserve to hear the truth.

Yeah, maybe he did take this a little too seriously. I mean how couldn't he? It's something that dictates whoever the fuck he is supposed to be with, yeah people can go around and sleep with or date whoever they want, yet he felt compelled to wait and see what would happen.

To see if someone in the crowd would recognize it and talk with him, so he could see how this whole shenanigan works. And of course, his plan did work out eventually, as he caught you staring at him for way too long.

He thought you were confusing him with someone else, but having someone like you stare at him for so long was starting to annoy him- So of course, he rudely asked you what the hell did you want.

You were surprised by the harsh tone, yet not completely taken back by it. You seemed confident that his "tattoo" was clearly the same birthmark that you had.

You… Surprised him. You were so confident and comfortable with telling a total strangeville that you two were destined to be together or whatever. It's not everyday that you see someone so straightforward, so he decided to see how far this would go- He asked:

"- And…?"

"- I don't know- I haven't thought about it to be honest-" You said looking at him deadpanned. You were telling the truth though, you didn't really expect to find not only a person with a similar birthmark to you but to legit be right about them being your soulmate. You had met so many people with the "snake coiled in a branch" tattoo that you almost thought it was some sort of joke from the universe (it shouldn't even be possible for so many people to have the same coincidental tattoo!).

You started to introduce yourself and ask for his name and where he was going- It felt weird to be receiving so much attention out of nowhere by someone he doesn't know- Well, more accurately someone he had just met but still feels like he knows for years.

If you're so interested to know him and… I don't know, do whatever soulmates are supposed to do- He can totally do that right about now-

I mean, he doesn't have anything to do right now, and although he may not show it he is kinda interested to see how this will work out. It's clear that there is something that connects you two yet he would prefer to get to know what type of person you are. Even if he is low-key already digging this nonchalant attitude from you, he is a little worried that you may be a little gremlin in disguise.

Jack acts so careful around you that sometimes it's hard to tell if he is enjoying himself or if he just genuinely doesn't trust you for some reason. Even if he is loving every second of getting to know you, the lack of affection being expressed from his part makes you question if this is really what destiny has instore for you.

Hopefully he'll be able to open himself up before you think this won't work out at all.

→ Janette Sartorius:

Janette is a hopeless romantic woman. It doesn't help that her whole entire life she grew up dreaming about this moment.

Her birthmark is simplistic yet it meant the entire world to her-. A sword stuck on a rock as the laces that decorate the sword fly in the wind. It really did look like a tattoo, some people had even questioned her if that was her real birthmark or just a tattoo she made to look cool.

To some it may seem like a cool little symbol to have on her skin, yet to her it feels like there is something more to it. A meaning, a dream, a memory perhaps?

Ever since she was young she loved the stories of knights and princesses, she started to associate that image of the sword with that dream of being someone else's knight. It was charming to her and it seemed like she hasn't grown out of that phase ever since.

The first impression is the one that lasts, right? So the only way to meet her darling is to have a big entrance. It's not like she isn't ready at any time, it's just that she hoped that for all the good luck in world to not make her look stupid infront of whoever had the same birthmark as her.

Fortunately for her, her wishes were granted as in a brilliant moment of pure fucking convinient plot coincidence as she not only managed to impress you, but to also feel like the knight she so badly wanted to be.

She got her glorious moment after defending you from another classmate that was harassing you, to which she only got to enjoy after she looked over at you and not only instantly thought you looked pretty hot in her eyes and also saw that familiar image on the back of your hand.

It was pretty much love at first sight, which was literally bound by the universe to happen. I mean, can't you see this?? This perfect scene, the fact that she didn't need to look at your birthmark to see how gorgeous you were and to even be able to help you get up-

It was perfect! It felt perfect, it was even better than what she had dreamed of. The only thing to spoil this sweet moment between soon to be lovers was the bell ringing and you turning your back and running to class after whispering a shy "thank you bye". She couldn't even say her name, or ask your name, or even show you her own birthmark!

The only thing you left was a tiny notepad you forgot to pick up. There were scribbles here and there talking about some class assignments and source material for your studies.

It felt like you were Cinderella running away and leaving the crystal heel so she could pick it up and find you later on. It made her heart flustered at the comparison, it was all coming along so well.

She recognized which was the subject that your notepad was referring to, and soon went to find your class where she could hopefully find you and give it back.

But when she reached your class at lunchtime she didn't find you anywhere inside, only a couple of your classmates were there. She asked everyone she could to see where you were, like she was interrogating them over a crime scene because of how desperate she looked.

It felt like an endless chase to find you, people had given her vague or useless information over and over again. Some were playing a prank on Janette and others genuinely didn't know enough about you to know where you could be.

From the information she gathered around, you were a silent study all day type of person. She heard that you didn't enjoy it at all but you felt the need to try your hardest to be able to pass in your exams. Janette heard that you were shy and tended to keep yourself away from genuinely getting involved with people, which led to people considering you a weirdo and to bullying you over this.

It was a terrible reason to treat someone so loveable so badly yet it didn't surprise her since the institution was an absolute mess, if delinquents like her can go around and burn shit down, then clearly that was something wrong with the educational system.

Yet she didn't give up even for a second, she needed to find you, she needed to talk with you and tell you about your destiny together (and trying not to sound so desperate as she was-). Her efforts were compensated by finally finding you and being able to give you the notepad back.

It was so heartwarming to hear you say thank you again and being able to introduce herself properly, yet there was something different about this conversation. You seemed… worried of her presence, disturbed by it, concerned of her being so close and breathless next to you.

She thought you were startled by the sudden approach, after all you were a shy ball, right? That's why- That's why you got so shocked when she said you two were meant for each other, right? That's why you seemed so surprised after she showed you her birthmark.

O-Of course you weren't distancing yourself out of fear, right? Even if your eyes look so freaked out, it was probably because of how sudden the situation was right?

You didn't actually fear her, right? She knows she can be a bit intimidating, but-

But there is no way you're afraid of your own soulmate, right? There is no way she is scaring her own darling away, that was impossible…

You didn't mean it when you said you were "too busy with studying to think about getting a relationship", did you? She- She must had heard it wrong-

What type of fuckin excuse is that?? What moron says that to a person who they're literally bonded with forever?!

Janette was visibly shaking, her expression was of pure anger which didn't really surprise you as you expected her to get mad at such a terrible excuse. You didn't lie about being busy studying, you lied about not wanting to date her because of it. You were afraid of her because of her reputation, you didn't want anything to do with a delinquent, or a leader of a biker gang, or anyone so hot headed for that matter! It was ironic how your soulmate was literally the one person you wanted to be away from, even if you did feel a little more protected in her presence.

Actually, you would be lying if that encounter wasn't so… Romantic, in a way.

Yet it doesn't help that just the idea of getting rejected is making her look so violent, she hasn't even spoken anything or even raised her hand, yet there is a clear "nope" flag hanging over her head- You didn't say no! You just- You just don't know how you feel about this, is too sudden-

You fail to find the right words to tell her and hopefully calm her down, instead you just cowardly distance yourself and slowly slipping your back against the wall so you can make yourself seem smaller, unconsciously trying to showcase how terrified you were and how you you literally regretted every word that had ever come on out of your mouth.

Of course she was mad, but more because of the situation than of you actually- I mean, she has been waiting for this moment her whole life! How… How can anyone say something like that to their own soulmate for fucks sake?! How can you not feel the same spark that she feels by just talking with you? Is she in the wrong for wanting to jump straight to the "Happy ever after" of your story together? Maybe she is coming off way too strong about this, is this why you're being so stubborn?

When she manages to calm herself before saying something she would regret it, the look that you give her tells her that she really, really messed up this introduction part.

It hurts her to think you're scared of her, yet what hurts more is the fact she almost screwed this whole up for you two, you just need… some time to know her, right? To understand her, and so she can understand you.

She'll try to comfort you, yet is clear that she isn't the best at comforting people, but- But please! Please let her try!!

Let her try to be your knight in shining armour, dearest.

Even if you don't like the idea of spending time with her, I think you don't have a say in the matter. You'll stay by her side and you will see how you two were made for each other, you'll see.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

[robininthelabyrinth]

Thank you "Worthwhile Trade". The idea of Baxia turning into an guai is so interesting. I liked imagining the part where she hit NMJ for his idiocy. My brain is projecting "married couple" vibes, omg. I admit despite how weird WWX spoke about the events, the time travel part flew over my head until the tags spelled it out for me. (TBC)

(Cont'd) Also... did NMJ mean it in THAT dual-thing way when talking WRH's prefs? And the last part, where WWX used resentful energy to sub NMJ's qi. I assume he can still cultivate since his core's still there, if emptied? But I wonder what'll happen to his energy once restored Can't help but think his renewed qi will inevitably be affected by the traces of the previous energy that once circulated. He's not going to become a walking stygian tiger or something, is he? Off the wall guess, sorry!

----

sequel to Worthwhile Trade (ao3), also on tumblr

Wei Wuxian didn’t understand Nie Mingjue.

He didn’t understand the way he thought, the way he acted – the way he smiled when he woke up, the way he opened his arms when Nie Huaisang threw himself into them with a wail and said, “It was worth it for you, didi; it always is if it’s for you. Don’t you know that?” the way Wei Wuxian had always shamefully thought of saying, as if something like that could just be said like that, out in the open.

The way Nie Mingjue shrugged when the doctors said his cultivation would likely never recover, that he should have died, that they didn’t understand why he hadn’t; the way he said, seeming even satisfied, that it was a worthwhile trade.

It’s not a trade, Wei Wuxian wanted to scream at him. It’s a sacrifice! It hurts and you’re sad, no, worse, you’re resentful about it and you shouldn’t be because it was your choice, your decision, but you see someone else with everything that you worked so hard for and you’re angry when you shouldn’t be angry and you feel bad and you turn away; it hurts them when you do and you’re glad, you miserable thing, you’re happy that they’re hurt because why should you be the only one whose hurt –

Perhaps the problem wasn’t that he didn’t understand Nie Mingjue.

Perhaps it was only that he saw in Nie Mingjue his own faults, his own deficiencies, the ones he’d tried so hard to hide in the sea of his poor memory.

“You’ll die if you don’t find a way to cultivate,” he said instead, hovering by the door. He’d say that he didn’t mean to ruin the mood, but he kind of did, and Baxia’s eyes on him were cold as if she knew.

As if she knew everything.

How he’d gone back to the past, how he’d changed things, how it was his fault that Nie Mingjue – who’d never done a single thing to hurt him, who’d been upright and righteous and good and whose brother loved him enough to –

Wei Wuxian had made a point of avoiding Baxia.

Not that she was that easy to avoid. She was tall for a woman – not as tall as Nie Mingjue, but proportionate to him in the sense that she was as much taller than the average woman as he was taller than the average man – and she walked as though people should flee before her, a tread that only felt heavy because of the almost visceral rage that surrounded her like a cloud.

Nie Huaisang had found robes for her, somehow, and they were the least feminine robes Wei Wuxian had ever seen a woman wear, though he supposed he still hadn’t seen that given that Baxia wasn’t exactly a woman.  Cut in a martial style, a dark shimmering grey that seemed in some lights to be almost red – she had been born as a human in a mantle of blood and she would not let anyone forget it.

“I should have died already,” Nie Mingjue said, as if the world’s scariest guai didn’t have her hand on his shoulder right next to his vulnerable neck. “You came up with a solution, Wei-gongzi, and for that I thank you. Even if we are not able to solve the next stage, being able to see my loved ones is worthwhile.”

Wei Wuxian could learn to hate that word.

“I have a solution, of a sort,” he said, irritated and not entirely because his reveal had been preempted. He’d hoped to sort of ease into it, somehow. “You lack the capacity for regular cultivation, but that doesn’t mean you can’t use demonic cultivation.”

“What? No, we can’t do that,” Nie Huaisang said, biting his fingers anxiously. “Anyway, doesn’t demonic cultivation harm the temperament?”

“You mean my temperament can get worse?” Nie Mingjue teased, and Nie Huaisang smacked him so lightly that it didn’t even displace his clothing. “I don’t know any means of demonic cultivation, Wei-gongzi –”

“Call me Wei Wuxian,” Wei Wuxian said. “Please.”

“Wei Wuxian, then,” Nie Mingjue said. “All the methods I’ve ever heard of were forbidden for very good reasons – but perhaps those conditions are not the same in the method you know.”

Wei Wuxian tensed. “How do you know that I know one?”

“You saved me, didn’t you?” Nie Mingjue said practically, and well, yes, Wei Wuxian supposed he had a point – “And anyway, Baxia can tell.”

Wei Wuxian shivered. “I don’t use it,” he argued. “How can she tell?”

At Nie Huaisang’s instigation, Baxia had recently started experimenting with smiles. She put one on her face now.

It was terrifying.

“Tell me about it,” Nie Mingjue requested. “The powers and the price, all of it.”

“You’re actually considering this?” Nie Huaisang exclaimed. “But da-ge…!”

“Wei Wuxian was not wrong when he said that I would die if I didn’t find a way to cultivate despite having given up what I have,” Nie Mingjue said. “If I die, what will you do?”

Oh, not much, just become a mastermind capable of puppeting the entire cultivation world to enact revenge for your death. Nothing big.

“But – da-ge has always put such a priority on remaining on the righteous path…”

“That’s why I asked about the costs,” Nie Mingjue said patiently. “I will not abandon righteousness simply because I adopt a new method of cultivating.”

“Everyone will revile you even if you are righteous,” Wei Wuxian warned him.

Nie Mingjue shrugged. “Who is everyone? What do I care for them? You do the right thing because it is right, not for the sake of fame.”

Wei Wuxian had once thought the same.

“If everyone in the cultivation world thinks you are evil, they will paint you as evil no matter what you do,” he insisted. “No matter how righteous your motives –”

“Let them think he’s evil, then!” Nie Huaisang exclaimed. “He could be the most black-hearted cultivator in the land, but he’s still my da-ge; my Nie sect and I will protect him!”

“Huaisang! No! That is not how righteousness works – if I ever truly become evil, you are to cut me off at once, kill me if necessary –”

“No way!”

“Huaisang – Baxia, tell him; evil cannot be endured –”

Baxia was looking at her fingernails. She’d picked that gesture up from Sect Leader Ouyang, when he was trying to be pointed about ignoring someone; it was extremely irritating to absolutely everyone who wanted to know who she was and what she was doing here and Nie Huaisang and Wei Wuxian had teamed up to convince her to keep doing it.

Possibly a mistake, in retrospect.

“Baxia. I know you agree with me on this. Evil is evil, and must be eradicated no matter who it may be.”

She gave him an unimpressed look.

“I know I’m not evil yet,” Nie Mingjue argued, apparently understanding her without any difficulty whatsoever. He’d just woken up from a month-long coma and he could already speak fluent human-saber, it was really unfair. And this man had succumbed to Jin Guangyao’s wiles? Lan Xichen had more to answer for than he knew. “But if I ever become evil – what? No, we will not burn that bridge when we come to it, that’s not even the right idiom, who is teaching you these things –”

Nie Huaisang coughed and hid his face behind a fan.

Wei Wuxian was not going to laugh.

Nie Mingjue growled at them all and turned back to Wei Wuxian. “Explain,” he demanded. “The rest of you, out.”

“But –”

“Out. One of us has to cultivate the righteous path, and if it can’t be me, it has to be you. Baxia?”

She picked Nie Huaisang up by his collar, for all the world like a mother dog picking up her pup by the scruff of its neck, and walked out.

Nie Mingjue picked up demonic cultivation faster than anyone else Wei Wuxian had ever met or even heard of. He wasn’t sure if that demonstrated an unnerving aptitude or if it was simply that Nie Mingjue was surpassingly talented – Wei Wuxian had never met anyone like himself before, someone for whom all things came easy, and it was an unexpected delight to meet a kindred soul somewhere where he’d long ago given up hope. He’d never planned to unveil demonic cultivation in this life unless he truly needed it – he didn’t want to hurt his Lan Zhan the way he had in his first life, and anyway Jiang Cheng and Uncle Jiang and Madame Yu were all alive, with hundreds of Jiang sect members to boot, there was no need for his sacrifice – but the part of him that was more researcher and inventor than cultivator luxuriated in their discussions.

Nie Mingjue was a lot more concerned than Wei Wuxian had ever been with consequences, and how to mitigate them, but he supposed that made sense: losing his cultivation hadn’t impacted that Nie temper one bit, and demonic cultivation was likely to make things worse. Moreover, Nie Mingjue was simply who he was, stiff and unbending, as much steel in his spine as in Baxia’s; he could almost be described as being rigid in his thinking except for the fact that he was in fact seriously considering becoming a demonic cultivator.

“We’re saber cultivators,” Nie Mingjue said when Wei Wuxian tentatively brought it up. “Like a saber, our nature is to be firm and unyielding, not flexible like the sword, but we cannot allow ourselves to become too rigid – a too-rigid saber will break upon encountering an obstacle. It’s a difficult balance to keep, and one made more difficult by our cultivation style.”

“The demonic cultivation aspects, you mean? Using yao to refine your saber spirit?”

“One day, though not today, I’m going to ask you how you know about that,” Nie Mingjue remarked, and although his tone was causal Wei Wuxian’s back went cold. “And I’ll expect you to tell me the truth when I do. But not today. Anyway, yes, that’s what I mean. Do you know what they mean when they say that demonic cultivation harms the temperament?”

Wei Wuxian hesitated. “I assume you’re going to tell me something other than ‘it drives you crazy and makes you kill people’?”

Nie Mingjue snorted. “Sometimes I wonder how someone as smart as you got sent home before you finished your lessons at the Cloud Recesses, but other times it’s fairly obvious.”

Wei Wuxian shrugged, embarrassed.

“Do you really not know?”

“No one taught this to me,” Wei Wuxian said, stung. “I came up with it on my own. How would I know?”

“All demonic cultivation has the same root,” Nie Mingjue said. “Obsession.”

“With killing, yeah, I know, I’ve heard it a million times –”

“Shut up and listen, you impertinent brat. The killing comes later. It starts with obsession. Obsession with righteousness, obsession with love, obsession with the pleasures of this world, with power – a human becomes a demon when they cannot overcome the obsessions within their heart, and the obsession consumes them. In time, a demonic cultivator who is obsessed with power will do whatever it takes to obtain that power, and not mind the blood shed to do it; a demonic cultivator who is obsessed with love will kill everyone who they perceive stands between them and their love, a demonic cultivator who is obsessed with righteousness will turn to murder when in their judgment something that ought to be condemned goes unpunished…”

“What about one who only wants what’s best for his family?” Wei Wuxian said, and he did not know if the challenge in his voice was about Nie Mingjue’s future or his own past.

Nie Mingjue shrugged. “Two roads that I can see: first, their family turns away from them for what they have become and they become vicious with the abandonment, becoming quick to lash out against the world and eventually doing something that causes the world to turn against them.  Second, their family stands by them, and eventually the world causes some harm to them – and the demonic cultivator turns to madness in revenge.”

“Not exactly an optimistic outlook.”

“Not especially, no.”

“You don’t seem as concerned by that as I would have thought.”

Nie Mingjue’s lips twitched. “I have a solution.”

“Would you like to share?”

“Using resentful energy to cultivate our sabers makes them prone to obsession, driving them ceaselessly to fight evil, destroy it, without discrimination. It makes them stronger, but also more dangerous – and that is why they must be carefully controlled.”

Wei Wuxian frowned. “So, what? You’re going to be the saber now? Under whose control?”

“Huaisang’s, of course,” Nie Mingjue said, as if it were obvious. “For better or for worse, he is sect leader now. Who else would it be?”

“But – what if you disagree? What if he wants to do things one way, and you another –”

“Then I argue and probably yell a lot, and if in the end he still insists on doing things his way, I listen,” Nie Mingjue said dryly. “That’s how hierarchy works. Isn’t it the same for you? When your shidi, Jiang Cheng, becomes sect leader, you’ll need to listen to him – or leave the sect. There’s no middle ground.”

Wei Wuxian scowled.

“A sect leader that can’t control his disciples is worse than a demonic cultivator,” Nie Mingjue said. “He’s weak. A target, ripe to be ripped apart and devoured by other sects – resources raided, disciples poached, responsibilities taken away...It’s not a fate I would wish on anyone. If you can’t commit to obeying, commit to leaving so that you don’t end up promising more than you can give.”

Ouch.

Just – ouch.

Great advice, fantastic advice, world-class advice, and totally useless because Jiang Cheng had travelled back in time with him and was therefore convinced that Wei Wuxian was just looking for the first way out of the Jiang sect he could find, no matter what Wei Wuxian said or did about it.

(Even Madame Yu was concerned by the new coldness in their relationship and had tried to talk to him about it, which – Wei Wuxian didn’t know what to do with that. It didn’t match any of what he had thought he’d understood.)

He decided to focus back in on the demonic cultivation lessons, shifting from theoretical discussions to the practical, and that, unfortunately, was when they encountered an issue.

“What do you mean you can’t play an instrument?” Wei Wuxian demanded, appalled. “It’s one of the Six Arts! Everyone can play some sort of instrument – even Nie Huaisang plays an instrument!”

“Everyone agreed it was better that I stop learning,” Nie Mingjue said defensively. “It’s all just plucking on strings or blowing air in pipes, and yet no matter that I did exactly what the teacher said to do, it never worked, that’s all.”

“Didn’t Zewu-jun offer to teach you…?”

“He did. And then he said it would be better if we stopped, too.”

The reason, Wei Wuxian soon learned, was that Nie Mingjue was almost completely tone deaf, and the only reason it was almost was that he was still capable of differentiating speech.

“I agree with the majority,” he said after an extremely frustrating day. “Stop. Never pick up an instrument ever again. And don’t let anyone but Zewu-jun play something especially for you, either, okay? Even if they’re highly recommended.”

“An interesting request,” Nie Mingjue said, eyebrows arched skeptically. “May I ask why?”

“Because you’ll have no idea if they’ve changed the music on you,” Wei Wuxian said bluntly. A great deal about the man’s murder in a different life made sense now, and Jin Guangyao’s brilliance in hiding the score of Turmoil inside of Clarity was a little less impressive when played to a man who thought all music, without exception, was just plucking strings or blowing air. “Musical cultivation is deadly in the right hands, especially if you lower your defenses against it. Just consider it a precaution.”

Nie Mingjue’s eyebrows remained arched, but he hummed in agreement.

“I guess we’ll have to think of a new way for you to cultivate demonic cultivation,” Wei Wuxian said, rubbing his face. He had not been planning on having to invent demonic cultivation at all in this life, and now he needed to not only ‘invent’ the original but actually come up with something new. Why was his life so hard? “How did you previously manipulate external energy?”

“With Baxia.”

“Well, that’s not helpful, is it? You can’t wield a human being. Perhaps another saber…?”

That didn’t work, primarily because it turned out that Baxia had strong feelings about Nie Mingjue even thinking about using another saber and well, as far as Wei Wuxian was concerned, whatever Baxia wanted, Baxia got.

(Nie Huaisang had had to go to Heijan once, with Wei Wuxian and Baxia accompanying him since Nie Mingjue wasn’t ready yet, and some unlucky Wen captain had tried to ambush them. That captain, and his squad, were not granted the courtesy of an intact corpse, and Baxia hadn’t even gotten a speck of blood on her nice new robes – no, Wei Wuxian would not be crossing Baxia any time soon.)

“There’s got to be something,” Wei Wuxian said, and Nie Mingjue agreed, and in the end they found something.

Nie Mingjue had been absent-mindedly playing around with one of Nie Huaisang’s fans when one of the fierce corpses Wei Wuxian had raised as practice targets had gotten loose; instinct had taken over and Nie Mingjue had lashed out with the weapon at hand as if it were a saber, and the resentful energy had surged in response –

Baxia was apparently not threatened by the notion of her master using a fan as a weapon, not even one inlaid with steel and heavy cloth with enough layers to catch a sword in.

(If Wei Wuxian needed to go have some time to himself at the sight of Nie Huaisang, dressed as a sect leader with his saber always at his side, standing next to Nie Mingjue holding a fan – well, that was his problem, and also one he intended to show to Jiang Cheng at the next possible opportunity. Someone else deserved to have their mind wrecked by the incongruity as much as he had.)

Even without the weirdness of Nie Mingjue, it was more than a little odd to see Nie Huaisang in the robes of a sect leader without him acting like the Head-shaker. The shock of having to become sect leader had fallen heavily on him: he had become a little more serious, a little more earnest (though still a bit frivolous); he was more inclined to listen and think things over, less inclined to run away.

“If da-ge is going to become a demonic cultivator, someone needs to stand behind him,” Nie Huaisang said simply when Wei Wuxian had tried probing. “He’s always held the world up for me – it’s the least I can do for him. I may not be able to do much, I might be terrible at it, but I owe it to him to at least try.”

Wei Wuxian wondered, sometimes, if Jiang Cheng would have stood up for him if only he had trusted in him, believed in him, the way Nie Mingjue believed in his notoriously useless little brother.

Maybe he’d ask, when he went back to the Jiang sect.

Maybe he’d –

“What the fuck is wrong with you,” Jiang Cheng said as a greeting, and for once Uncle Jiang didn’t disagree. “All those letters and you never once mentioned the terrors?”

“The what,” Wei Wuxian said, and that was how he learned that while he was on his way back to Yunmeng neither Baxia nor Nie Mingjue had wasted any time utilizing their newfound skills out on the battlefield.

Nie Huaisang was never going to be a particularly respected sect leader, especially by those that had met him beforehand, but evidently that wasn’t really important given that he was constantly flanked by what was being called the two terrors of Qinghe.

Nie Mingjue preferred darker colors now that he was no longer sect leader, the same dark grey shading towards black that Baxia had selected for herself, and the selection somehow made him seem even taller, verging on inhuman, and Baxia standing beside him, her human features patterned roughly after his, made the two of them appear a matched set. Nie Mingjue wielded the fan that Wei Wuxian had helped him design, which he had forged with his own hands out of the metal from the Xuanwu’s cave that Wei Wuxian had foolishly figured someone ought to get some use out of, painted over with a cinnabar array in Nie Huaisang’s careful brushstrokes, and in his hands it was both weapon and conduit for the raising of armies of corpses. Baxia, for her part, held nothing but required nothing, a sweeping gesture of her hand more devastating than a dozen blows with the saber.

They were terrifying, a nightmare writ large and unmistakably dangerous, undeniably demonic cultivators in a way that was entirely different from Wei Wuxian’s own dramatics, and it unnerved the rest of the cultivation world the way Wei Wuxian had feared it would.

“It won’t be a problem,” Jiang Cheng said impatiently. “The Nie sect are ascending in strength, and this only adds to their mystique – who would challenge them?”

“Uh, Jin Guangshan,” Wei Wuxian said. “Like last time?”

Jiang Cheng huffed. “At this rate, I don’t even think Jin Guangyao will bother defecting to the Jin sect,” he said. “Not if he knows how to play his cards right. The Nie sect’s strength in the original version was never about Chifeng-zun’s skill with the blade alone. It was the whole sect’s strength, with Chifeng-zun’s ability to wield them as skillfully as he did his saber; he’s an outstanding general. And now they have him as a general, him as a demonic cultivator, and whatever the fuck is going on with Lady Baxia –”

“I already told you. She’s a guai.”

“Like I already told you, it doesn’t matter how many times you say that, I will immediately expel the knowledge from my mind and you should too. ‘Immortal cultivator cousin that my brother named his saber after’, like what Nie Huaisang has been putting about, is a perfectly acceptable cover story.”

“And the fact that his saber disappeared at the same time?”

“Coincidence,” Jiang Cheng said firmly. “And we’re sticking with that. Anyway, the point is that if you’re an ambitious man, the Nie sect is the place to be right now and probably will continue to be in the future. This is going to be evident to both Jin Guangshan and the future Jin Guangyao, and we’ll need to deal with that.”

“I’ll keep an eye out,” Wei Wuxian promised. “After rescuing Chifeng-zun and helping with the demonic cultivation, I’ve gotten pretty close to them.”

“Mm. And how about your other mission?”

Wei Wuxian scowled at the smirk on Jiang Cheng’s face. “You know perfectly well that I haven’t had any time to seduce Lan Wangji, what with how busy I’ve been. I don’t even know for sure if he likes me yet -!”

“You’re an idiot, he does, and you’re not allowed to keep us all in suspense for two decades this time. Figure it out.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that I’m sticking you with the job of being an information courier and you leave for the Lan sect front line tomorrow.”

“You are the best shidi ever,” Wei Wuxian said, and meant it.

Jiang Cheng huffed. “Yeah, well,” he said as if his cheeks weren’t red. “Remember that in the future. In this life we’re the Twin Heroes, you hear me? No take-backs.”

Nie Mingjue was right: Wei Wuxian would need to either learn to obey or tell Jiang Cheng early on that he was leaving, and walking a path in the middle would only cause heartbreak all over again.

“Okay,” he said, deciding to ask Lan Wangji for advice on obedience. Surely that was something that could be learned? “Deal. You do know that that means Lan Wangji’s going to have to marry in, right?”

“Oh no,” Jiang Cheng said, voice entirely flat. “How terrible. I’ll find a way to manage dealing with that ice block somehow…listen, I don’t care if you end up calling him Wei Sizhui in this life, but don’t ruin his character. He was perfectly nice.”

“I don’t know if he’s even been born yet,” Wei Wuxian said glumly. “I’ve been looking, but…”

“I’ve asked some of Mother’s spies to keep track of Wen Ning and Wen Qing,” Jiang Cheng said. “Collecting evidence we’ll need for their inevitable post-war trial, assuming we want them to live better lives than just refugees. Give it time, we’ll find him.”

“Now I just need to see if Lan Wangji will want to raise children with me…”

“Wei Wuxian. I don’t care. Go.”

[the-signs-of-two]

Okay, people. I’m just going to go on a superlong rant about characterisations and how Sherlock and John are made for each other. I feel like we sometimes get a bit sidetracked discussing mirrors and subtext, references and symbolism, and we forget what is actually there in the text and in the characterisations of these characters.

If we start with John... John is brave and courageous and loyal: 'soldier' qualities. He's also very caring and nurturing and protective: 'doctor' qualities. And that's all well and good. But he also has a bunch of less socially acceptable sides: he's a man who can't stand mundanity, who needs excitement and danger and adrenaline to be content. In reality, he's actually just as poorly suited to conform to social norms as Sherlock, but, unlike Sherlock, he's chosen to suppress the less acceptable sides of himself to be accepted by others rather than be alone (Sherlock has chosen the opposite). So joining the army is a compromise: a socially acceptable way for him to live a life of excitement. And it works - until he's forced home from the war. So to describe John... he has all these strengths: courage, bravery, loyalty, caring and a very well-developed sense of right and wrong. On the other hand, he just... isn't normal. He doesn't fit in. But, unlike Sherlock, he shies away from it instead of embracing it. He's very self-aware and he tries to disguise his lack of being normal. In a way, that he's a soldier AND a doctor shows that dual nature. So his biggest flaw is how incredibly hard he fights to be something he's not, how much of himself he sacrifices to be 'normal' - or at least to be perceived that way by others. His bisexuality is one such aspect of himself that he tries to suppress: he finds it incredibly hard to face the idea that he's not 'just straight' because being straight would be more 'normal'.

Also, there’s that entire halfway subtextual idea that maybe he's so defensive about his sexuality because his father was a homophobe. He's shown at various times to have a very sensitive response to authoritative older men. His sister (Harry) is a lesbian, so it would make sense that maybe she came out and their father didn't approve and John saw that and it just made his own sexuality crisis all the more potent.

So Sherlock offers John what he needs: a life of excitement and adventure that is still morally sound. And I think John loves him not just because of the lifestyle he offers, not just because he's intelligent and John is in awe of that, but because Sherlock represents what John can't find in himself: Sherlock is his own man. He doesn't give a fuck what others think of him (from John’s POV at least). He's himself 100% and all the time and he isn't held back by societal norms in the slightest. And I think John admires and loves him for that. And then... well, then there are the, uhm, more problematic sides of Sherlock. Not just that he insults people and insults John and does stupid, dangerous things and clutters the flat and does experiments in the kitchen right next to their food. That's annoying, sure, but whatever. The real problem John has is that Sherlock is destructive. He's selfdestructive (for instance, dealing with stressful situations by smoking and doing drugs), but he is also just plain destructive. John is moral. For him, the most important thing is morals and doing the right thing and helping others. And Sherlock doesn't always live up to that standard. So there are times when John has to question if Sherlock is actually, you know, GOOD or if he's just motivated by the thrill of being clever. John is a soldier, and later a detective, because he wants to live a life of excitement - but it HAS to be a moral life of excitement. That means everything to him. And the uncertainty about whether Sherlock feels the same is a major problem for John.

Sherlock is... well, he's kind of the opposite. He's not normal, but he's embraced that. He's true to himself and he doesn't suppress who he is. But that's come with a price: he's alone. Few can stand him, no one can understand him. He's lonely, but he's also not interested in being with just anyone, because he takes pride in his intelligence and his difference and people who are just plain, simple and normal... well, he's arrogant enough to look down on them. Like, a lot. He has no respect for societal norms and no respect for authority because he believes he knows best himself. So you could say that both John and Sherlock have a very developed sense of right and wrong. The difference is that John's 'right and wrong' is a universal, socially accepted 'right and wrong', whereas Sherlock's 'right and wrong' is his own and not always in agreeance with the rest of the world.

Sherlock's real problem, though, is that... well, to put it simply: he's too intelligent to be normal and too emotional to be a calculating machine. And he hates himself for it. He isn't actually unemotional, quite the opposite. Only a man who feels very strongly would ever come up with 'All emotion is abhorrent to me', 'I am a brain, everything else is just transport' etc. Sherlock wishes he could be just a brain - he looks up to Mycroft and, indeed, to Moriarty because they manage to do that (at least to his mind). He feels very strongly, but he's too intelligent to be normal, so he's alone and it's lonely and painful. So he longs to not feel. But he can't do that. So he does drugs and shit like that because it dulls that pain.

So John offers Sherlock what he needs: acceptance for who he is. John likes him when he's being himself. And Sherlock loves John not just because John accepts and praises him, but also because Sherlock sees who John is. He sees that John is a soldier AND a doctor, he sees that John is kind of messed up, but he LIKES John's messed-up sides - Sherlock hates the normal and John Watson is not normal.

So in a way, Sherlock loves John for the exact things John hates about himself. And John loves Sherlock for the exact things Sherlock hates about himself - his emotions. I think there's real beauty in that dynamic. They both offer the other exactly what the other needs and they both love the other because of the things the other hates about themself.

And all of that is text and/or basic characterisation. And I think that’s really important to remember.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.