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whispersfromtheshadowsoffical · 9 days

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The boys reaction to finding out the mc in dating someone

Hello! Thank you for sending in an ask!

Apollo:

Apollo's reaction to finding out that the MC is dating someone else would be a whirlwind of emotions. At first, he wouldn’t believe it—he’s too delusional to think the MC could actually choose someone over him. He’d laugh it off, assuming it's a misunderstanding or a joke. But once reality sinks in, Apollo would start to panic.

His initial response would be to smother the MC with affection, trying to outshine their new partner in every possible way. He’d constantly show up, calling them pet names, giving them hugs, and acting like everything is fine. If the MC doesn’t immediately drop the new relationship, Apollo would start to break down emotionally, bursting into tears and pleading with them. He’d cry, saying things like, "Why would you choose them over me? I love you so much! Can’t you see that?"

If that doesn’t work, his delusional side would kick into overdrive. Apollo would convince himself that the MC is only dating the other person because they’re confused or being manipulated. He’d do anything to "save" them from this false relationship, even if it means intervening directly. Apollo might confront the new partner, either by guilt-tripping them into breaking up with the MC or threatening them in a childish, desperate way.

In his mind, Apollo would still believe the MC loves him, no matter what, and he’d stop at nothing to make sure they realize it too. He’d likely make grand, dramatic gestures, like publicly declaring his love or trying to sabotage their relationship by creating situations where the MC "needs" him more than their current partner. His emotional volatility would make him a force to be reckoned with, and he’d never truly give up, no matter how far gone the MC seems to be.

Soren:

When Soren finds out that the MC is dating someone else, his initial reaction would likely be a mix of shock and denial. He would probably act like it doesn't bother him at first, putting on his usual sweet and playful demeanor, but internally, he would be fuming. Soren has a tendency to treat those he loves like possessions, so seeing the MC with someone else would trigger his possessive side.

He might "innocently" approach the MC and their new partner, making passive-aggressive comments under the guise of compliments. He might say something like, "Oh look at how cute MY Mc is!" He'd likely cling to the MC more, becoming overly touchy and affectionate in an attempt to assert his dominance.

Behind the scenes, Soren would be plotting ways to make the MC leave their new partner. He might manipulate the MC by crying, acting pitifully, or playing up his innocent charm, making them feel guilty for choosing someone else. If that doesn't work, his darker side would surface—he could resort to sabotaging the relationship, spreading lies, or even threatening the new partner without ever laying a hand on them. In the end, you'll always be Soren's.

Xenos:

Xenos would be devastated if he saw the MC dating someone else. His obsessive nature would take over, and he'd spiral into a jealous fit. At first, he might stalk them more intensely, trying to figure out everything about the new relationship—where they go, what they do together, every little detail. He’d likely start to sabotage their dates in subtle ways, like "accidentally" breaking something or spreading rumors.

Eventually, his jealousy would boil over into a full tantrum. He might lock himself away, crying and screaming in frustration, before coming up with a more drastic plan. Xenos would want the MC all to himself, and he might even confront the MC in a desperate, emotional state, demanding to know why they chose someone else. He might try to manipulate them by bringing up old memories, telling them how much he knows about them, and even threatening to expose their secrets if they don’t leave their new partner.

In the end, Xenos wouldn’t be able to accept it, and his obsession could drive him to extreme lengths to win the MC back.

Lynx:

Lynx's reaction to finding out that the MC is dating someone else would be a mix of anger and arrogance. At first, he’d scoff at the idea, not believing for a second that the MC could truly want someone else over him. He’d likely say something dismissive like, "Oh, them? You’re kidding, right?"

As the reality sets in, Lynx’s temper would flare. He’d become openly insulting toward the MC’s new partner, calling them unworthy and belittling everything about them. "That loser? What could they possibly give you that I can’t?" His jealousy would be barely concealed, though he’d act like the whole situation is beneath him. He might mock the MC for their "poor choice," saying things like, "I thought you had better taste," all while seething internally.

Lynx would also become more demanding and possessive, ordering the MC around even more than usual, as if to remind them who’s really in charge. He’d expect them to drop everything for him, ignoring the fact that they’re with someone else. If the MC doesn’t comply, his arrogance will quickly turn into frustration. He wouldn’t hesitate to openly punish the MC with sharp insults or passive-aggressive behavior, making them feel guilty or stupid for even considering someone else.

Despite his outward confidence, Lynx would be deeply insecure underneath it all. He might secretly stew in jealousy, even going so far as to spy on the MC and their new partner to see what they’re up to. Lynx would never admit it, but he’d be hurt, and his way of dealing with that would be through lashing out. If he ever felt truly threatened by the other person, Lynx might go as far as trying to break them up through manipulation or creating situations where the MC is forced to choose—something he’s convinced he’d win.

Ultimately, Lynx wouldn’t accept the situation. He’d see it as a temporary inconvenience, fully expecting the MC to come crawling back to him because, in his mind, they’re his and always will be.

Kaine:

Kaine’s reaction to finding out that the MC is dating someone else would be a mix of amusement and subtle malice. At first, he’d play it off like he didn’t care, probably flashing his signature grin and teasing the MC with something like, "Oh, so you found yourself a little plaything? How cute." He’d act like it was a game as if he wasn’t really threatened by the new relationship at all.

But beneath that playful exterior, Kaine would be scheming. He’d find the whole situation thrilling in a twisted way, seeing it as a challenge to bend the MC back to him. He would take every opportunity to flirt with the MC right in front of their new partner, subtly undermining the relationship. Kaine might say things like, "I’m surprised you settled for someone like them when you know how much fun we could have together," with a wicked smile, daring the MC to react.

As time goes on, his teasing would grow more intense, and if he noticed any signs of fear or hesitation in the MC, he’d pounce on it. Kaine would make it clear that their new partner can’t protect them from him, saying things like, "Do they know who you’re really dealing with? I bet they’d run if they saw what I could do." He’d start to corner the MC in vulnerable moments, using his charm and intimidation to plant seeds of doubt in their mind about their current relationship.

If Kaine’s playful taunting doesn’t shake the MC’s resolve, his darker, sadistic side would come out. He might start scaring the new partner on purpose, giving them a reason to leave the MC. He would enjoy watching the tension build, feeding off the fear or discomfort he causes. In his mind, it’s only a matter of time before the MC realizes that Kaine is the only one who can truly "handle" them, and he wouldn’t hesitate to break them down to prove it.

Ultimately, Kaine wouldn’t see the other person as a real threat—just an obstacle he’s going to enjoy removing. He wouldn’t mind playing the long game, waiting for the moment when he can claim the MC as his own, and he’d savor every step of the process, knowing he’ll get what he wants in the end.

Nox:

Nox’s reaction to the MC dating someone else would be quiet, subdued, but deeply emotional. At first, he wouldn’t say or do much, keeping his feelings hidden due to his curse which limits his ability to speak. However, inside, he’d be torn apart by the idea of the MC being with someone else. Rather than confronting the situation head-on, Nox would likely withdraw even further into himself, silently observing from a distance.

He would start avoiding the MC, spending more time alone or in quiet places where he can think. Nox might leave subtle signs of his sadness, like unfinished poems or sketches he would normally give to the MC, now discarded or tucked away. His way of coping would be retreating into his own thoughts, trying to protect himself from the pain of seeing them with someone else.

Nox’s realization that no one, including himself, is good enough for the MC would create a quiet but powerful shift in his behavior. He’d begin to question whether the person the MC is dating is truly capable of keeping them safe, as he knows he is. In his mind, only he is strong enough to shield them from the dangers lurking around them.

This thought would eat away at Nox, making him even more vigilant. He would start following the MC more closely, always watching from the shadows to ensure their safety. His internal struggle—between feeling unworthy and knowing no one else is strong enough—would drive him to protect the MC in ways they might not even notice. Nox might quietly intervene if he senses any danger, stepping in at just the right moment, though never asking for recognition or thanks.

At the same time, Nox would feel a growing resentment toward the MC's partner. Though he wouldn’t act out aggressively, his thoughts would be consumed with doubt: "Can they really protect you like I can?" He might begin to subtly test their strength or reliability, all the while convincing himself that the MC deserves better—deserves him.

In the end, Nox's internal conflict would push him to the brink. His love for the MC would remain pure, but his protectiveness and need to keep them safe could lead him to make more drastic decisions, especially if he starts to feel their partner is putting them in danger.

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reorientation · 9 months

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okay nothing in this world has ever made me flood with need the way seeing my asks linked and tagged as 'respect anon' did. little update - ive been getting railed so often (11 times total now since mid november) that i have a bruised cervix. it hurts in such a delicious way, makes me hyperaware of what i am, almost feels reminiscent of cramps.

my original hookup ive now seen six times, and he wants to see me once a week minimum. the way he murmurs "good girl" so encouragingly to me, his strength, and the insanely erotic feeling of him breeding me, have all bewitched me. the texture of semen exploding into a wet cunt is so unique and im obsessed, its a different consistency from my own wetness, so i can always feel the exact moment hes fucking his sperm into my fertile body, even when i dont feel him throbbing through it (which i usually can).

other than him, ive fucked four other guys in the last month. each and every one of them came in me bare. i hoped a few times would sate me but if anything its fanning the flames. on my neediest day i had three guys come over one after another to fill me, the first was my original guy, and the other two were completely random, and they all treated me so perfectly honestly.

the third one in particular fulfilled my need to have a real man coax me into admitting my real name, he fucked me hard and fast and used his filthy tongue to slip into my subconscious mind and loosen my inhibitions until he got it out of me. then he used it over and over again while he fucked a baby into me, slapped my well-bred pussy till i begged him to stop, then held me so tightly. i felt so dazed and safe and feminine in his arms.

it feels so good to have a man respect me enough to give me what i really need, especially when im being brave enough to ask for something i was so afraid to even acknowledge about myself. and it especially feels good when he looks right into my eyes while pounding me and reminding me of the truth.

fuck sorry for multiple asks i literally just cannot stop thinking about being dubbed 'respect anon' its driving me crazy. i can feel my pulse everywhere, but it seems to pool in the places that make me a woman: my clit, my pussy lips, my aching dripping vagina, and my breasts. i can feel my pulse in my fucking nipples. and also usually my temples but thats off theme.

i cant get over how good it feels to be fucked. i never in a million years expected how endlessly perfect it would be, ive found partners that emanate joy together with me and its so much fun and so erotic. the original guy in particular, just takes so much joy in fixing me and in enjoying my cunt, i often end up watching the filthy reactions on his face as he watches my pussy clench around him. he watches us join together as one, my cunt singing with pleasure, i always ask him if theres anything else i can do for him and he almost always says "lay back and take it." like, yes sir!

once i was riding him and his hands were clenching my hips tight, i love riding because it makes my breasts bounce and heave so deliciously. he was staring at them, i was moaning like a bitch in heat feeling him stretch me out in an angle we dont normally do, and suddenly he looked me in the eye and said "you have a womans body." swear if id been on my back i would have orgasmed right then and there. he sometimes goes back and forth in what gendered terms he uses and it keeps my mind spinning with confusion and desperation. we are both bi and im pretty sure our current dynamic is heaven for us both.

there are so many filthy details i want to share with you. feels like i could babble all day about the things that have happened, but it all boils down to this: im a woman, obsessed with taking cock, finally letting herself enjoy some wonderful company, and it wont be long until im the sluttiest pregnant girl grindr has ever seen, hahahah.

respect anon back with one last thought because ive been obsessively rereading your two responses to me so far. when i begged him to refeminize me, "it doesn't even sound like he was surprised." nope! in fact he laughed at me, he laughed and said "fuuck yes." in that moment, i knew that he had already known, and was waiting to see if id admit it. with him, i have this manic energy where i come off completely insane over text, and his steady energy only serves to wind me up more. i think he knew id cave and beg to be detransitioned, my pics are all pretty high femme and lets just say im not ever subtle about my femininity.

the weird thing is, i only have that manic energy with him. i dont know if its because hes genuinely the hottest guy ive ever met, or because he took my virginity, or because he succeeded in breaking my mind. but the other guys ive slept with, while they blow my mind and show me what im for, i dont make such a fool of myself to them.

genuinely with him i have lost all semblance of self-respect and it proves right everything he has ever whispered into my ear.

(Previously)

All that fun you've been having, going from being a virgin to getting inseminated by five different men within a couple months - and nothing ever made you flood like my tagging system? I'm very flattered, Anon! A bit bemused, but flattered.

So much to speak to here, but one part I truly love is that your new life as a woman started with the first man to use your pussy laughing at you. Like your whole identity as a man had been one long joke you were telling, and you'd finally gotten to the punchline.

That's what real respect looks like for you, isn't it, Anon? A man who'll wait for you to finish telling the joke before he laughs.

And the man who made you tell him your real name while he fucked you full of cum... There's a pleasing symmetry to that. He got something out of you and put something into you. He learned what they called you when you were born, and maybe gave you a baby to call your own.

Which is what you're made for, after all. Your body never stops reminding you of that, whether it's with the pain of a bruised cervix or your blood pulsing in your swollen nipples or the unstoppable pleasure of taking a man's cum in your womb. It's little wonder that you've come so far since getting fucked for the first time, little lady: your body was just waiting for the chance to start.

#I can't respond to all of this without feeling like I'm going on for too long but rest assured that I enjoyed reading every bit <3 #reor: respect anon #kink interactions #reorientation writing #reor: anon ask #ftm misgendering kink #ftm detransition kink #ftm breeding #ftm girl #reor: anon life story

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seasaltmemories · 9 months

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6, 8, 13, 17 for FE :D

which ship fans are the most annoying?

ooh there are a lot of different ones I could put on blast, but most of my complaints boil down to the same point, ones that are just obsessed with stats like how many fic for the ship are on Ao3, it is a really cold and calculating way to look at fandom and often tends to not actually help or support the writers are artists who actually make the fanworks they want

Also like as someone who got used to fandoms where there might not been any fic period, seeing someone from a large fandom complain about only having 100 works or not evening breaking 500 just makes me want to complain about kids these days so badly

common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

Slow burn and similarly mutual pining is far from the end all be all of romance tropes and more often than not they are artificially lengthened for drama

Like there are plenty of problems that can emerge even after a couple gets together and to me that is the like interesting stuff, actually seeing characters have to grapple with the question of how to love someone not just if they do.

I have grown to appreciate it a bit more since one of my fic has started to slow down a lot more, but like it is best utilized if the characters have a long history where seeing that level of detail is necessary or if there are a bunch of hurdles that would necessitate it taking a long time to actually hook up

worst blorboficiation

Listen I still do not forgive the Three Houses fans who started making AUs where all the popular pretty boys instead got the two crest experimentation done on them when Edelgard and Lysithea were both right there, like you had options, you could hate one and still have someone you could do all the medical horror experimentation whump with

Like I try not to get into stolen valor debates about fandom bc it can be pretty vague and ineffective but like these were characters with plenty of tragic backstories you could lean on, why do they need to have all the tragic backstories available, it just seemed like the worst example of favoring your special little guy over characters that actually have the traits you desire

there should be more of this type of fic/art

I consistently in exchanges ask for Lima/Liprica stuff bc like to have that skeleton in the back of your standard FE heroine's closet made my jaw drop. In general Zofia is a lot more interesting than ppl give it credit for, bc for the "good peace loving nation" it is like probably far more corrupt than Rigel. For Lima to get away with just kidnapping a priestess of Mila says a lot about the social environment and I think fic that really dived into the messy elements of such a ecosystem could be fascinating

Also I think ideal Micaiah fanart either has her looking like a Catholic saint, all otherworldly and holy, or looking like she hasn't slept in a week and is about to snap. Like I do think she is supposed to catch you by surprise with her cute anime girl exterior but I'd like to see more of that in-game charisma and mess show up

#seasalt talks #thanks for the ask!!#realized some of these weren't very specific to FE but tried to keep it relatable

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1d1195 · 7 months

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I feel like it has gone by quickly?? But at the same time THE CONCEPT OF TIME IS SO WEIRD TO ME I SERIOUSLY DONT KNOW ANYMORE LOL and Friday I was a bit busy :( it was a friends birthday so I out! But trust me I was ITCHING to pull up tumblr, read and talk to you! You know I love your book recs! And honestly that book sounds creepy! But you’re right I probably would end up reading it and liking it! Definitely added to my list! But I am surprised that you read it solely because you like “easy reads” , things that basically aren’t too stressful! Glad it wasn’t horrible though lol

I SERIOUSLY CANT LOOK THAT MAN IN THE EYES😭 when i turned in my exam to him my heart was beating out of my chest! And UGH IM A SUCKER FOR A HEIGHT DIFFERENCE LIKE MY BRAIN GOES CRAZY!! And idk he’s such a hot DILF lol and YES I DID SEE THOSE HARRY PICS AND I SWEAR I FELT LIKE DROPPING ON MY KNEES FOR THAT MAN😵‍💫😩 he looks so good it makes my head all fuzzy lol

Trust me I WAS CRAZY TOO!! All I wore were band t shirts and merch during my emo phase like I had no normal clothes or clothes that weren’t from hot topic bahaha and honestly I see why you were team Edward! I FINALLY saw the Twilight movies this past summer for the first time! I was never drawn to it when it was popular or the books BUTTTTT if I did have to chose I would have been team Edward lol there was no competition in the first place lol and yes I knew ALL the emo bands lore and stuff! Specifically twenty one pilots’s lore which is all lot lol but taht was like when i was 11 lol now i simply CANNOT due to lack of brain power lol

ANOTHER COUPLE MIGHT BE GETTING ENGAGED?! HELLO?! IM GONNA CRY FOR SURE!! And I’m sure part 4 will be great! You’re really great with coming with such detailed and unique! And you take such classic tropes and give your spin on it! I genuinely think you’re so talented Sam!

What’s crazy is that in my head I call you “ Samantha” when you literally do something crazy in your stories or like make me giddy?? Like “omg SAMANTHA!!!?” Idk if any of that made sense lol anyways Noah would have been cute! But Kyle is definitely more of a frat boy name lol and yeah I know about icebreaker never read it but I’ve definitely seen the girlies go crazy over it lol

My Kyle is literally so sweet! I met him at my schools IT services thing and he helped me out! Then I saw him again and he’s very nice!

And you know I love your long responses and I love you!!!-💜

HAHAHAHAHA I TALK TO MYSELF ALL THE TIME. I CONSTANTLY say “get it together Samantha.” That’s hilarious. I love that! If you’re inclined you gotta let me know which part/line in particular you do that for every once in a while 😭😂💕 please do not apologize for having friends and plans and being social. I’m glad you went out! That sounds like fun! My best friend and I are November birthdays so we celebrate the whole month of our births (our significant others LOVE it almost as much as we do, obviously).

The book was SO CREEPY. Stress level 12/10. So OBVIOUSLY I know the deeper meaning behind “don’t judge a book by its cover” but I’ve literally never picked up a book without judging its cover. Or at the very least the back cover. I’m pretty close with my sister so I often give books about sisters a thorough twice over. ALL THIS TO SAY I had no idea what it was going to be about when I picked it up hehehehe

Omg I could cry. Height difference, DILF, unable to look him in the eyes ughhhh I will also cry. I’m swooning just thinking about it 😭 I gotta write a professor/TA situation one of these days 😍😍😍

I don’t think I had an emo phase. A pseudo emo phase for sure. I never got into bands the way I was supposed to (but if I hear Fall For You I turn into a puddle). I’m obsessed with the image. I am spiraling at the idea you only saw Twilight last summer. I went to the midnight premieres I’m CRYING 😂

I have a lot of ideas in my head but they all boil down to happily ever after, marriage, 2.5 kids, and a white picket fence. I feel bad yall gotta keep reading the same story over and over 😂

Okay Kyle def is more of a frat name that was also what I thought when I switched it over. Noah was too cute I think hehehe maybe another story.

OBSESSED WITH YOUR KYLE MEET CUTE. CAN’T WAIT TO WRITE ABOUT IT 😍💕

Have a lovely start to your week bestie! 💕💕

Xoxo

P.s. Don’t read my update tomorrow if you’re having a good day lol I have been struggling with seasonal depression (I think it’s just regular depression actually at this point. But ya know) I am being dramatic honestly. Please don’t worry about me but regardless I’m probs going through an emo phase NOW hahahahahaha so it’s a little bit of a tear jerker imo

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galaxythreads · 2 years

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Uhm... hi! Lore for Stygian? It's like one of my top favorite fics and I have it downloaded on my kindle to read offline, I love it sm!

I’m glad you love it so much. :)

I was working on this for two+ hours and then my internet crashed and deleted everything. Which. :/ Good and terrible. I do not want to restart. I’m exhausted. I need to sleep. Terrible because I worked so hard on it.

Good because. Well.

Moment of honesty here. As I was going through lore for this, I came to the realization that the reason I hate Stygian so much has less to do with the writing style and more with how deeply, deeply traumatizing this section of my life was when I was writing it. Reading over the chapters was actually greatly distressing. Love the story’s concept. Hate the story itself because of what was going on at the time.

I have severe c-pstd. This story has unfortunately turned into a massive trigger and I had no idea until now. Reading through some of the thoughts or the scenes was really, really hard. I was skipping entire sections of the story in the lore collection TM to avoid this. I’m fine with discussing the story as a whole, but the moment we start to dissect this and read specific lines is when I start to fall apart emotionally.

As for what this means for Death Must be Lonely Like I Am, fingers crossed it’s different enough to not trigger me as badly as this did.

I apologize that I can’t give as much lore for this fic as I could the others.

Here’s as much as I can think of in a bullet-pointed list in ten minutes and then I’m going to go to bed.

The entire story was planned in a notebook by hand with colored pens

There was no reason for Steve to be in the basement with Tony in chapter 3(?), tony just pulled him down there to get him out of guard duty

I did not know how to drive when I wrote the car chase

I researched washing machines for like an hour before writing the scene where Laura was asking advice from Clint

I fully embraced the tropes of hte time because they were fun and I wanted to work with them

English being the common-tongue on Asgard is the shittest thing I’ve ever read my past self doing.

i had a thing against all-speak when I wrote this

I want to formally apologize to Deaf people for how I portrayed Clint as a deaf person

Loki and Tony were always going to bond over the Void

Everyone had a meticulous character arc that I planned out with SO MUCH FREAKING DETAIL

The first chapter is not the actual first chapter, it’s an edited version from a year later

I did not originally intend for them to ever go back to Clint’s mental health hospital, it was a happy accident

Alexander Pierce was supposed to visit the Raft with them in chapter 1

the reason the Avengers get kidnapped and shipped in a van across the country is because I watched The Gifted

The grand reveal of Loki’s scars was - no joke - originally going to happen because Clint would dump boiling water on Loki

I found the Avengers chilling in the kitchen to be very comforting

I wrot ethe scene where Lila and Cooper find Steve and co by hand at first

I think I originally misspelled Lila’s name as Lilia, and if not in this fic it was another one

i was still using cats as a curse word, WHY is a story for another time and related to me getting bullied/harassed off of my first ff.net account

my memories of this are fuzzy, but i THINK that I uploaded a majority of Stygian all at once. Like chapters 1-10 were posted in a day. Or that was Append? I have no idea honestly. One of hte two.

I had already started Stygian when I got my a03 account though

Yes, loki has his sight back at the end of the story

God the actual deity is in this

Lila’s cat obsession was based off of my younger sister

I wrote the chapter where they wake up on the Barton farm while co-watching a sherlock holmes tv series (not Elementary or BBC Sherlock. An older version I can’t remember the name of right now)

The Avengers hunting each other through the Tower was inspired by not one but TWO separate fics where this happened

No one visited Loki while he was in the cell. That’s why he still had the muzzle on. Everyone was too afraid of him to approach the cell

Bucky being there was one of the base ideas for this. He was always going to be in the fic. He has a bigger role in DMBLLIA.

The narrative parallel of the Avengers saving Loki from the Raft and Loki saving them from HYDRA was built into the plan

someone yelled at me recently (in comment form) about how Bruce not feeling guilty about hurting Loki in chapter 8 was proof he was a psychopath even though the conversation was about not taking guilt for things that aren’t your fault. this was kinda funny.

I might add to this tomorrow, but who knows. I am going to bed.

asks about any of the bullet points if you want more information should tentatively be okay? if they’re not I’ll let you know.

#stygian #answered #anon #me as person

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tenebris-lux · 1 year

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Feels like sticking my neck out a bit; I’ve been too afraid to post anything like this for a few months, but (*deep breath*) … I like the Frankenstein musical. At least the soundtrack, I haven’t actually seen the play. They got some good voice picks for the characters, and the songs are good. It does push the Victor/Elizabeth ship pretty hard and shoves Henry a little more into the background, which is disappointing, but not a total deal-breaker for me. Also, it brings up the electricity thing, which to me was unnecessary, but again not the worst thing; it’s just one or two lines.

Favorite songs:

“Amen”

Original scene where Victor got at least some of the body, probably most of it; has irony of a prisoner about to be executed and giving his last prayer before he dies. “Oh, my Creator, claim me now! Grant to me this nightmare’s end!” Also has irony in that people viewing the execution say things like, “Let God’s will be done!”

The beginning of this song and the next one borrow a bit from the musical Jekyll & Hyde, in that a group of people think the scientist is nuts, and the scientist is like, “Fuck you guys.”

“Birth to My Creation”

This song just goes hard; it’s full of enthusiasm and drive, and pulls me along with it. It has the irony of going full steam ahead on what will be one of the biggest mistakes of Victor’s life. There’s also some cute sacrilegious irony in the music, when the chorus comes in like a choir. Cuz, y’know, he’s harnessing the power of god and all that.

“The Music of Love”

This song is sweet. The Creature observing the DeLaceys and yearning. The song is relaxing and soothing.

One thing to note: the DeLacey family is much smaller. It’s just the old man, his daughter, and she appears to be a single mother of a baby. So this song, from the DeLaceys’ POV, is a lullaby for the baby. They’ve no idea that they’re being observed by someone completely alone who has only known terror and violence. While apart, his voice joins in the harmony in the last part.

“The Proposition”

Act One Finale. Reprises “Amen” a little bit. The Creature had just finished telling his story, so he comes to his point. This is one of my favorite songs to sing; I like the back-and-forth between the Creature and Victor as they argue over the creation of a second being. “Birth to My Creation” is also reprised as Victor becomes persuaded.

The last couple lines, (not said by either of them) however, could be a deal-breaker for listeners as a detail that implies EXTREME deviation from the source material. As far as the play narrative goes, I like it. But it does add a strong point against Victor’s character; I doubt it’s something he would’ve done in the book. Basically, Justine is executed simultaneously as Victor and the Creature make their deal.

“The Chase”

This one is probably my favorite as a close adaptation. It’s a reprise of “The Hands of Time,” but includes a few other themes of the other characters who died. In the book, Victor said he could remember all their voices during his pursuit, and it shows here.

“The Coming of the Dawn”

Victor’s had a lot of time to think while pursuing the Creature. It’s kind of a “where did I err/how did things get so off-track” song. It’s beautiful and melancholy, and he comes to some revelations. “Reaching for tomorrow, I have lost today.” “Why do the things we have seem precious, Only once they’ve slipped away?” This song has so many beautiful lyrics and to a beautiful tune.

I am amused while listening to the soundtrack that Elizabeth is played by Christiane Noll, because she also played Emma Carew in the the Broadway production of Jekyll & Hyde. The character isn’t much different between plays: engaged to an obsessed scientist, and her role is boiled down to, “I’m here for you, whatever you need.” Meanwhile, Victor is played by Hunter Foster—Broadway’s Seymour Krelborn from Little Shop of Horrors. Once again, a guy getting pressured by his living project.

#frankenstein musical #frankenstein #musicals

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amporella · 2 years

Note

hi i was scrolling yhrough your blog and found your vrisrezi to style post. Elaborate. See your vision? What vision? Tell me more.

I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED.

Obviously vrisrezi and style aren't a perfect parallel (or even a parallel at all), BUT I THINK THERE ARE SOME SIMILARITIES. Not necessarily within the characters - Kyle and Terezi have some surface-level similarities, but it ends there, and for better or for worse, there is no real Vriska equivalent within style - but within the dynamic as a whole!!! When you boil the vrisrezi relationship down to its absolute basics, not taking personality or other details into account, vrisrezi is a story of two best friends who have a falling out, lose sight of each other, and spend the rest of their lives unable to ever get over it.

In that way, I think it's actually hugely similar to the fundamentals of Post-Covid style, which basically boils down to the same thing. The vrisrezi falling out was obviously more intense for a variety of ways, but it still holds true; they separate because of a disagreement, but are never ever really able to let go of each other. Style is pretty inarguably in love at this point, regardless of whether you consider that love to be platonic or romantic, and vrisrezi is the same; both pairs have a mutual obsession and are unable to achieve actual fulfillment without their other half. By virtue of loving the other person so much, they also give them the ability to hurt them like no one else can.

Both ships break down when they separate - as examples, Stan burns down the farm and falls into alcoholism, and Terezi indulges in the Homestuck equivalent as well as getting herself into unhealthy relationships - and BOTH ships can only ever find fulfillment by literally going back in time and changing the events that led to their separation as children. And when you flip back into the fixed timeline, both pairs are much happier and much more functional than they ever were without each other.

Their circumstances and the personalities involved are wildly different, but the themes are very similar!!! Vrisrezi was my absolute love when I was into Homestuck (and really, still is) and I am so sure it fostered my love for the dynamic that Post-Covid ended up giving style.

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK <33

#asks #the fuckign. vris/rezi #GOD

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m39 · 10 months

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Doom WADs’ Roulette (2007): Ultimate Torment And Torture

My brother in Christ!

Another partial conversion that uses a shit ton of enemies from the Monster Resource WAD that first appeared in 2007 due to KDiZD! All three of these partial conversions that won Cacoward in 2007 and all use this roster at least partially!

...

I don’t really have anything else to say; I just wanted to point that out.

G9: Ultimate Torment and Torture

Main author(s): Daniel Gimmer (Tormentor667)

Release date: September 11th, 2007

Version played: 1.07

Required port compatibility: GZDoom

Levels: 10

If you suddenly feel like you are playing KDiZD’s distant cousin, then you aren’t wrong, for this WAD is another project made by Tormentor667; although, this time it’s more like a one-man project rather than a community one.

Now you might be wondering What in the actual fuck is “Ultimate Torment and Torture”? To put it simply, it’s a remaster of the series of WADs under the same title (without the ultimate of course), now sprayed all over with Tormentor’s ZDoom’s features obsession, including background noises, a shit ton of new enemies, and other ZDoom stuff that may or may not be completely worthless on the long term.

Now since I didn’t play this series in any capacity, I’m gonna judge this WAD by its own merits. And if you didn’t already notice, do not expect this review to be completely positive; I’m not really a fan of Tormentor’s overly-designed WAD slop.

And although there isn’t really any plot in the text file in the WAD itself, there are text screens that describe what’s happening at the moment you are playing this map. But it all boils down to this – there is a hellish pentagram or something that summons demons and you go after it to end it all... again.

The plot, despite being rather simple (it’s a Doom WAD after all), takes itself too seriously in my opinion. It feels like it wants to sniff its own farts thinking it’s deeper than it thinks. The pretentiousness is especially high as you reach the final episode, with an unskippable monologue from the main character (who, by the way, sounds like Diet Caleb from Blood) rambling some kind of generic shonen anime hero speech filled with never give up this and da people I love that shit. This thing is funnier than most of the Mockaward winners that I played for crying out loud; for the wrong reasons, yes, but still.

But at least you can skip most of the textscreen stuff with the use key... after a small delay.

Now with the basics known, let’s take a look at another Tormentor’s projects.

You might probably know by this point, but if there is one thing that Tormentor is really good at is the visual aspect of his WADs (solo or community-made). And UTNT doesn’t disappoint in this. The oppressive foundry facilities in the second episode; snowy areas surrounding the base in the third one; the bastion with the demonic portal that acts like a bridge between episodes three and four; the mountain that you climb in the final episode; these are some of the highlights in this WAD.

It might be a little bit overboard with the details that aren’t just tiny objects lying around that are not some random debris from the wall, but it’s still amazing for the WAD from 2007.

Oh, and by the way, you can turn off some of the weather effects in most of the maps. Just remember to bind the key to it.

The music is a mixed bag for me. While half of the music tracks fit surprisingly well, the other half has a chance to make you laugh with the WAD sniffing its farts of pretentiousness again. It’s like the same problem as the plot; it gets a pass in the first half, but it gets ridiculous in the second one.

The final boss track is the worst case of unintentional laughter. No matter what you think about Revolutions, when it comes to the final battle between Neo and Agent Smith, the music fits really well. It doesn’t fit at all when you are flying around like a madman trying to destroy a satanic pentagram that protects itself with a demonic energy cylinder while dodging/trying to kill Cycloid Emperors that protect these things! IT JUST DOESN’T!

...

sigh

It does get better gameplay-wise at least.

I don’t really think this WAD is complicated. After the first playthrough, it didn’t really feel that tiring (at least for me). It does have backtracking sometimes, but honestly, I have experienced worse cases than UTNT.

What’s really cool about this WAD is that you can start from any of four episodes. If you are a Pistol-starter, you will enjoy this option (at least partially since you can start like this only at the beginning of an episode instead of in its middle).

You can also play as three different classes. I don’t know what are the differences aside from the starting weapon and the maximal amount of health since I played as only one class to not waste my time, but still, I’ll describe what I know:

The Marine starts with the Shotgun and 100 HP;

The Scout has 75HP and the Pistol (that shoots slightly faster from what I’ve seen);

And the Commando starts with 150HP and the Minigun; NOT the Chaingun mind you, but a Minigun. I’ll get to that weapon later.

There are two variants of the final level. The regular one takes place at the bottom of the mountain, where you climb it up while fighting the entire demonic army. There is also a graveyard with tombstones of people behind this WAD (like many other WADs before this one). This one is more of an epic type.

The secret variant (AKA the Director’s Cut) is hidden in the second part of the final episode. In this case, there are three areas full of monsters, where in the first two you have to kill a specific amount of Mancubi and Arachnotrons respectively (kind of like in Dead Simple) and in the third area you must press two switches to unlock the elevator to the final boss.

I’m not really sure which one is better. The hidden variant feels easier and has a lesser amount of annoying monster variants for the cost of a smaller amount of terrain to maneuver, while the regular variant feels like one last stand of the demonic army that fits perfectly well in a Doom WAD while having more bullshit moments.

UTNT is somewhere in between when it comes to how hard it is. It’s rather challenging, but I don’t think you will end up completely destroyed if you were playing WADs for a while before playing this one.

Every episode ends with the boss fight, where you fight up to four tough enemies depending on the skill level. It’s kind of a neat idea with the health pool showing up at the top of the screen, although I would like it more if the second boss fight had a larger area because I don’t think it was tested enough to be fun (or at least not as fun as the other two).

The final boss is... kind of stupid, I guess? You have to kill one of its guardians to make it vulnerable and fire at it (preferably with BFG). If you don’t realize it in a minute, you will end up with no ammo to blow it up. And again, the music doesn’t help.

Oh yeah, there is also stealth filth once in a while. -_-

I know it’s at worst one enemy per map, but still. What is it with these people keep adding this garbage to their WADs?

There are dozens of new enemies in this WAD. I’m fine with some new enemies to spice things up, but UTNT goes way too far with them. Some of these appear only once in the entire WAD! It’s like Tormentor didn’t know what to do with some of them and just slapped them in random places on the random map.

I don’t have time to ramble about every single one of them. Besides, I already talked about many of these in my previous reviews (like ZDCMP1, KDiZD, and Cheogsh among some of these). So instead, I’ll do quick rounds for every class of these bastards.

Without any further to do – the monsters of Ultimate Torment and Torture ladies, gentlemen, and others:

In the Zombie section we have Rapid-firing Trooper (Wolfenstein SS as an actual Doom enemy), Mutant Marine (tougher Shotgunner variant), Chaingun Major (Hoovy from KDiZD as a tougher variant of the original Hoovy), Bazooka Boy (from Obituary, shoots rockets), Plasma Zombie (‘nuff said), Railgunner (‘nuff said too), and Suicide Bomber (basically Headless Kamikaze as a Doom enemy; my personal favorites).

In the Imp section we have Catharsi (Cyberdemon if Imp; volley of projectiles, leaves a bomb when the die (if he didn’t gib)), Dark Imp (homing projectiles), Skulltag Imp (faster projectiles), Void Imp (Undead Warrior reskin), Soul Harvester (much more annoying homing projectiles; some of them are semi-invisible), Shadow (weaker Arachnotron, for some reason uses stock Imp noises despite having original ones in the past), Devil (tougher variant that can shoot constantly; uses Doom 64 Imp noises), Imp Warlord (has a couple of different attacks), Nightmare (can be hit when attacks and is constantly invisible before doing that), and Stone Imp (Imp if melee).

In the Hell Noble section we have Satyr (melee), Hell Warrior (has a shield), Hell Guard (no idea if he counts here but, whatever; shoots a volley of three projectiles), Hell’s Fury (tougher Baron), Lord of Heresy (tougher Baron but with wings), Belphegor (tougher Baron but with the volley of three projectiles), Afrit (flying, tougher Baron), and Bruiser (basically if the Bruise Brothers were actual bosses).

There are two new Cacodemon variants – Enhanced Cacodemon which shoots three fireballs and has slightly less health, and Cacolantern which shoots faster projectiles.

Same with Pain Elemental – we have Plasma Elemental (‘nuff said) and Tortured Soul (toxic clouds among other projectile).

There are also other enemies, which are Arachnophyte (Spider Bitch but flies), Blood Demon (tougher Pinky), Death Incarnate (hitscanning Revenant that has a small chance to not resurrect), Rail Arachnotron (‘nuff said), and Terror (Lost Soul that has a gigantic blast radius after it dies).

There are also the Source’s Guardians that I mentioned earlier. Look like Cycloid Emperors, kind of annoying to fight, and when they die, they leave their heart or something that functions as stronger medikit

We can’t forget about the bosses too. Aside from Bruiser Demons and the evil pentagram that function as bosses of episodes 2 and 4 respectively, we have Hectebi in the first episode (which are tougher Mancubi) and Giant Spiders in the third episode (Maulotaur reskins that burst out smaller, annoying to kill, regular spiders).

You collapse on the floor.

...

Phew...

Now with the demonic army described (apologies for the information errors if you notice one), let’s talk about new weapons.

Surprisingly, compared to the hegemony that are new monsters, you only get three new weapons. The first one to talk about is the Minigun that I mentioned earlier. It’s basically a much faster Chaingun but with a long break before firing again, meaning that it’s better for close encounters rather than sniping.

You have a flamethrower called... Flamer (how original). It’s your typical WAD flame thrower; don’t get burned by it yourself.

The final weapon is actually hidden in the secret in the first episode. It’s called Pyrocannon Prototype, and it feels like a napalm launcher that shoots mini-nukes. Perfect for bosses, so don’t use it (nor flamethrower) in any other circumstances.

I encountered some bugs while playing UTNT. The most prominent one was when Hell Warriors were completely invulnerable to anything until they raised the shield (something that didn’t happen in the previous WAD when these hulking cats appeared). Another bug that I encountered was in the second episode, where after exiting the secret area, the music from there was still playing; I had to enter and exit it again to properly change back to the original track.

The worst time was with some stability problems. There was one tiny moment in the first part of the fourth episode when there were some framerate drops due to the large amount of enemies and allies fighting each other, but there was a much worse one in episode two, during my secret-hunting run, when after the area with the blue key, the framerate started dropping like crazy, down to around 1.5 FPS.

Gee, maybe it wouldn’t happen if not for the gargantuan amount of shells, bullets, blood chunks, and gore chunks that appear everytime you kill at least one enemy (at least that’s how I think). I wonder if Tormentor ever thought of that situation.

The Ultimate Torment and Torture... makes me sad. I genuinely feel this WAD had the potential to be one of the best WADs ever created but the Tormentor’s obsession with (G)ZDoom features, many enemies that were slapped on this WAD without any reason for nothing but a small cameo, and the pretentiousness that pores out to the surface of the WAD’s plot makes it impossible to reach that status. It’s yet another WAD of its time that by modern standards feels outdated.

There is also another map known as the lost episode. I don’t know how to reach it without warping to it (if it’s even possible to get there normally), so I’ll leave it for the bonus round.

As for me, my break from Doom WADs might end up longer than a week, since I’m planning to buy a new PC that has SSD Hard Drive. So I’m going to move all important files to it once it arrives.

But until then, I’ll see you next time.

Have an early, happy 30th Doom anniversary.

#doom #doom wad #review #doom mod #doom 2 #doom 2007 #2007 #Torment And Torture #Doom Torment And Torture #Ultimate Torment And Torture #Doom Ultimate Torment And Torture #doom wads’ roulette #cacowards #top ten wads of the year

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divinefireangel · 3 years

Text

They Just Don't Know You

Soft Yandere! Seo Moon-Jo x F! Reader

Disclaimer: This is just a work of fiction. If this piece of fan fiction is offensive to any celebrity, fandom or culture please let me know so I can take it down. Also note that this is my version of a character or celeb, which will vary from person to person.

Author's Note: A 2nd longer fic for our lovely cannibalistic psychopath. I hate that I'm attracted to him. Someone please be my therapist. Or psychiatrist. Honestly doesn't matter. My brain is fucked anyway.

Copyright: Please note that this is my work and if you want to publish this on any other platform, take my permission before doing so. Taking an author's work and posting it somewhere else without any intimation is just disrespectful. I readily welcome suggestions and criticisms. That being said, Happy reading! 🤍

Warnings: 16+ and written for female reader, but all can read. (nothing specified with respect to appearance, etc of reader). Except that I've mentioned reader is short, cuz LDW is tall 🥰. There is a brief mention of sex, but no actual smut. Reader kinda highkey hates on her parents and younger sister. Read it to know. Age gap between reader and Moon-Jo. Slight obsessive thoughts. Manipulative words. I tried to put plot twist in the end, probably you won't notice it 💀. Please please tell me if I need to add more warnings. Do not read if you start to feel uncomfortable. I apologize in advance 🥺

❗❗PLEASE READ WARNINGS ❗❗

Pre-Requisite / Summary: Just a fic based on the song They Just Don't Know You by Little Mix. After watching Strangers from hell I related this song to him for some reason. Reader and Moon-Jo are in an established relationship. And reader's loved ones don't approve.

2.3k ish words My longest fic till date 🥳

" You know that he's too old for you. You can settle for younger, much younger guys for your age sweetheart. If you can't find anyone eligible enough, we will find one for you. And you don't even know if he has intentions of marrying you. What if all he wants is just a fling or some time pass relationship. Hmm? What are you going to do then? "

Sipping her tea silently, Y/N sat next to her dad on the porch swing, listening to all the criticisms he had about Moon-Jo. All his words did was boil her blood. But what could she do when they don't walk in her shoes? They don't know how safe and content she feels when he kisses her like she's the only girl for him in the entire universe. And no point in explaining that to her father anyway. She's tried. And failed. Multiple times.

"Are you done with your tea?" She asks her dad, in desperate attempt to try and get away from him and his words because she knows, and even he knows that it's going to end up in a fight if they continue to speak on the same topic.

Humming yes, he hands her his tea cup which she takes to the kitchen so she can help her mom with dinner. Placing them in the sink upon entering the kitchen, Y/N drags her palms down her face in frustration.

" I could hear what he said you know. Your dad. He's not wrong. Seo Moon-Jo seems like he'll break your heart in three. And we're only looking out for you Y/N. You don't have to go through heartbreak when you can very well avoid it." Her mom finished slowly.

" Why. Why is it so difficult for you to accept the fact that I'm actually in a happy relationship for once in my life. So what if he's much older than I am? He's a dentist. A doctor. A very good profession and he's known and well respected in his neighbourhood too. " Y/N said loud enough for her dad also to hear.

Huffing in annoyance she left the kitchen to go upstairs to her room. Or rather the room she shares with her sister. Of course the door is wide open. The younger rascal is always here for the drama.

Ever since Y/N came out to her family about her relationship with Moon-Jo, her sister has become the favourite child, for obvious reasons. And now eavesdropping with the door wide open? That's a new low. But what else can Y/N expect from such a low life who is literally thriving off her own sister's pain and suffering.

When entering the room, Y/N realizes how big a mistake it was to visit her family. And she did not need such snark from a younger, less experienced child.

"Are you that blinded by " Love " that you don't even see how weird his hair is? A man who isn't an idol or actor doesn't need such long hair. He's clearly a fuckboy. Or man whore. Whichever is right. " She said with disgust.

'She's just jealous. She's just a jealous bitch. They all are.' Y/N thinks to herself.

" At least one of us gets laid regularly. And just so you know, it's absolutely heavenly when he makes me cum over and over on his fingers and his dick-" Y/N said as her tone slowly got lower and darker and her emotion angrier.

Screaming and covering her ears, the younger girl ran downstairs to her mother, no doubt to tattle on her older sister. Rolling her eyes, Y/N started packing her things, all of them, in a bag she took down from the top shelf of the wardrobe.

It's really difficult to leave one's family, but it is clearly getting more and more tiresome to love them nowadays. If it's so wrong to date him, why does Y/N herself not see it? She's a logical and smart young lady. Does her family hate that man so much that they don't even want her to be happy? No matter who she's with. And is it so bad to date a man who's older? Richer? And cares more about her than all of her family members combined?

Wiping the fallen tear stains from her cheek, she just thinks to herself ' They just don't know him. They just don't know him like I do. '

Sending a text to her lover, saying that she misses him and that she's coming back home sooner than planned, Y/N carries her bag through the front door, her parents and sister ignoring her as she leaves and walks out that door one final time.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Once reaching their shared apartment, Y/N collapsed into her lover's arms the moment he opens the door, crying her eyes out. Seeing his lover in turmoil, shedding a tear or two of his own, Moon-Jo carries her to the living room couch to cradle her like a child who needs attention.

" They- They said -"

" Shh my darling. I know. " Moon-Jo said, shushing his girlfriend and giving her a shoulder to cry on. Once she's calmed a little, her sobs turning to sniffs, she lifts her head to meet his gaze.

Seeing her sad, tear stained eyes always upset him. More than anything in the world. Running his long slender fingers across her cheeks and jaw, he removes her hair from her ponytail with his free hand and rests it on her thigh.

" Tell me. Please tell me that you won't break my heart like them. That you won't try to tear my world apart like them. " Y/N looked desperately at him, wanting so badly to know that he's not just using her.

Those words, that slipped out her mouth, shocked Moon-Jo, to say the least. What did he do wrong? What did her family fill her head with?

Tilting his head to a little, he looks into her red eyes, trying to read her mind for a moment, all the while she just looked at him with the same desperate expression.

"Please tell me that you will be there when I need you the most. " Y/N whispered so softly, she herself barely heard it. But the end of the sentence, she started crying all over again.

Taking her head to his neck, he stroked her hair and her sides, trying to calm her down.

" Darling. I promise with my everything, that I will never leave you, I will never ever let you go. That I will do anything, anything necessary to prove my love to you. "

"No, oh dear no. That's not, you don't have- have to do anything at all to make me believe you love me. I'm sorry I asked such a stupid question. " She sobbed out.

Shushing her softly again, he rocks their bodies back and forth, till she's calmed and fallen asleep there, in his arms. Knowing that his arms are her only safe place for her from now on, he takes her delicate figure to the bedroom.

Placing her on her side of the bed, he lays down on his. Staring at her stunning face, he feather touches her face with his fingertips, memorizing every curve, every little detail on her, like a sculptor admiring his work and giving it the finishing touches.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

" So, I did a little digging on your sugar daddy. "

" Why?! And he's not my sugar daddy. " Y/N said in disbelief. No. Not her dear best friend too.

" I know you said not to and I'm sorry. But I am worried about you. He made you leave your family Y/N. " They stated with worry and sympathy.

" No. He didn't make me leave them. I left them by choice. They don't see him like I do. And clearly, they hate that I'm happy with him. " Y/N finished as they sat down at the lunch table.

" Y/N..... "

" What? Even you don't want me to be happy? " She questioned her friend in disbelief. Laughing sarcastically Y/N shook her head.

" I've heard rumours! Okay? He was in the orphanage that had that severe fire explosion. And most of the culprits from that incident are MIA. What if he's one of the people who caused it?! " They said in a whisper, worried that the neighbouring people can hear their conversation.

" Do you really think that? All of that is just a rumour. And he's told me about it. He's told me everything. Unlike my parents who so desperately tried to tie me down to an arranged marriage. "

" He's not good for you. I know you deserve better. Okay he may make happy and all but what if he leaves? What if he just uses you and drops you like you were nothing? We're just trying to make sure you don't get hurt Y/N. Physically and emotionally. " They finished.

" This, all what you said, is cheap talk. But it'll eventually wear down because when we get married and have kids and all that in the future, you're all going to look like fools. And I will proudly say ' I told you so '. "

" If that's the case then I am the happiest person for you. Hopefully I won't have to be the one to say ' I told you so'. "

" Wow. I, just- hah. Wow. Just wow. " She paused.

" You know, I really hoped you would be more supportive or at least tolerant enough to have patience and support me with my decision for my love. " Y/N said loud enough for eavesdroppers to hear audibly.

Of all the people she would have to drop, never even in her nightmares had she fathomed that her best friend would be one.

Getting up from the table, she picks up her bag and leaves without another word, and goes to the only place that has love for her and that accepts her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Reaching home, Y/N notices the place empty. Maybe he's at the clinic?

Shrugging off her bag and jacket she sits on the couch for a moment, before her restlessness takes over and she begins pacing in the living room.

Why are people being like this? Do they hate her so much? They barely know him. Why are they treating and accusing him to be such a criminal! He's not. He takes care of Y/N so much. He loves her so much. He provides for her. He's affectionate with her, more than he's told he thought capable. He's become her ride or die. And she, his.

They don't know him like I do. They will never love me like he does.

They don't know about the love they have. The just see what they want to see. Bloody society dictating whom to love and whom to not. Is it so hard to see the love they have for each other? Can't they just let it be. They don't know the turmoil she's gone through recently; they don't know how well he's taken care of her, kept her happy and same enough to not let her intrusive thoughts get the best of her.

Her thoughts interrupted by the door clicking open. Smiling, Moon-Jo enters with a box, surely containing sweets from her favourite bakery. How can you not love someone so considerate, who does things for you without even having to ask.

Seeing the sad look upon his lover's face, Moon-Jo's smile fades into a frown.

" What's wrong my dear? "

Smiling sadly Y/N just shakes her head, conveying that she doesn't want to talk about it.

Placing the box of sweets on the coffee table, the two hug each other, feeling of comfort taking over them both. She can just stay here, forever, in his arms till the world ends.

" Babe. What's wrong? You can tell me anything. Anything at all. I'll take care of the problem. " Delicately Moon-Jo cradles Y/N's head in his palms, making her face up to him, their height difference evident.

Sighing, she moves to sit on the couch, motioning him to do the same. " It's just people. And what they say. My family was one thing, but my best friend, the person I chose as my family " Pausing Y/N breathers the tears back in, " They were doubtful of you today. How can I live knowing that no one will approve of us? " Y/N questioned looking at him.

" Does their opinion really matter that much? So much so that you are skeptical of my affection to you? " Coldly, he moved back from his seat on the couch.

" No! No. Gosh that is not what I mean. Not at all. I love you and I know that you love me. So much. So much so I would die for you. But there are other people whom I care about. Who's opinions matter to me. And I don't want to let them go. As happy as I am with you, I need them too. They give me joy in a different way, that is important. "

" Do I not make you happy? Are you not content with the love I give you? Is it not enough? " He asks carefully.

" That's not what I meant! You love me more than anyone I've known. "

"Then what's the problem? You don't need those people who don't love you. You have me. You will have me forever and ever. I will never leave you. And you will never leave me either. We'll be with each other till the end of the world darling. "

Nodding with a small smile you looked down at your feet.

Unhappy with your action, Moon-Jo pulls your face up by your chin to look at him with such force, it scared you a little, making your heart skip a beat in fear.

" Do you not love me, babe? " He asked tilting his head to a side, his expression mildly offended.

" I do! I love you. So much. " You finished with a soft tone, cupping his face with your hands.

Grinning like a Cheshire Cat, Moon-Jo leaned down to capture your lips with his. Reacting immediately, you kissed him with as much energy and sincerity you could muster, as you head filled with thoughts of doubt.

Had your parents been right? Had for friend been right? Had they all been right all along and you too blind to see?

No. It can't be. He loves you. He's said that so many times. And you love him.

You love him.

You.

Love.

Him.

...

Do you love him, or have you been illusioned into loving him?

#lee dong wook #lee dong wook imagine #lee dong wook x reader #ldw #strangers from hell #strangers from hell x reader #hell is other people #seo moon jo #seo moon jo x reader #seo moon jo imagine #seo moon jo x f!reader #yandere seo moon jo

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redrobin-detective · 4 years

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I am going to regret asking this and giving you another chance to drag me in this fandom... but what's the problem with Danny's parents? Is there something else than the fact they really really want to dissect a ghost?

For me, the issues with the Fenton parents boils down to two main issues: 1. their complete and dangerous obsession with ghosts and destroying them and 2. the negligence to their children. I think Jack and Maddie are good people who love their children and can be good parents. But the problem is their ghost hunting work was always the priority in the family which Jazz and Danny clearly suffer from.

Point 1. The Ghost Obsession

I don’t know what happened to Jack and Maddie that caused them to develop an all consuming obsession with ghosts and, moreover, the need to destroy them. Fandom has pointed out that while they claim to be scientists, they clearly are more interested in weapons to hurt and destroy ghosts than anything even resembling normal scientific study. Amity Park has a high number of violent ghosts (mostly there to play fight Danny) but most ghosts everywhere else are just vibing. The ghost obsession hurt Danny long before he became part ghost (but I’ll save that for Point Two) but it went from an annoyance to an actual threat to his life.

First off, as many others have pointed out, having a dangerous lab in the basement with untested equipment/weaponry that your kids not only have ready access to BUT also have to go down there for assigned chores? Not great, Jan. I’ll give the Fentons the benefit of the doubt, we see clearly that Danny/Jazz know how to work the equipment in their house so they obviously have been drilled in usage and safety. Danny gets his ghost powers by being dumb and 14 and messing around with his friends like any normal kid would. Danny is now the very thing his parents want to hunt and destroy and a mainstay of the series is he is so scared of their reaction that he hides his powers/identity from his parents but not his ghostly enemies. Can you imagine being that uncertain that your parents love for you outweighs their obsession that you hide such a fundamental part of your life? What a miserable reality for a young kid.

Jack and Maddie spend the entire series going off about their hatred of ghosts. Danny has to sit there and listen to them talk in extreme detail how they’ll dissect and obliterate any ghost they come across. They’ll be making deadly weaponry made to kill beings like him at the kitchen table, weapons that do respond to his ghostly signature. They especially hate Danny’s alter ego, Phantom, because of his supposed trickery by pretending to be a hero. The canon things said in the show would certainly make me nervous about sleeping in the room next to them. They are capable of working with Phantom when push comes to shove but it never lasts long and they go back with guns blazing. Danny and the show mostly play these threats off for laughs but the fact that Danny straight up doesn’t tell them is telling enough on how it effects him.

Point 2. The Negligence

‘Hur Dur parents are bad’ is a well known cartoon trope but the Fentons take it to an extreme. Jack and Maddie are obsessive with their work, absentminded and reckless, none of which create a safe and stable home for children. I love Jazz and Danny but they clearly are not entirely normal children (even before the whole ghost thing) from growing up in such a home. Jazz develops a reactionary personality, delving into psychology and being right as a way to kind of understand/get back at her parents (source? I do this exact thing with my mom) and Danny was quiet, overlooked and not given the attention to really flourish, instead being a sort of ghost in that house before he ever became one.

Jack and Maddie 110% love their kids but do they encourage them in a meaningful way? Support their interests? Be available to help? Not really. I hate The Fright Before Christmas bc Danny gets blamed for being a “scrooge” instead of acknowledging he hates the holiday for his parents destructive fighting every year. (source? Again fucking me. I hate Xmas bc mom and I scream every year)

This issue only exacerbates once Danny gets ghost powers. His whole life is affected by his ghost fighting: he’s getting injured in fights from human bullies and ghosts, his grades are dropping from lack of studying/sleep, he’s absent from the house more often than not, he’s sullen and depressed and scared and anxious all the time. It’s a radical change and yet Jack and Maddie kind of brush over it, focusing instead how Danny’s changes affect them (IE Danny not being around to do his chores). This boy comes home, beaten from fights, stressed and feeling alone only to get yelled at because his parents miss all the signs he’s practically radiating that he is Not Okay. He eventually becomes a good enough fighter and actor to skip over but it’s truly heartbreaking that he can’t confide in the people supposed to support him the most. But it’s not just the ghost obsession, even without all the powers like if Danny was doing drugs or in a gang, his parents barely notice and, when they do, they don’t really do anything other than blame him.

Now I’m going to end this long rant by saying that I love Jack and Maddie, I think they are fascinating people and want to see them developed. The situation as it is for most of the series is not okay in the least but I do believe they have the potential to be good, supportive parents. There’s a couple of eps where they DO find out about danny’s powers and instantly all the negligence and hostility is gone, its all acceptance of his powers and apologies for their behavior. Its not a perfect situation and could be borderline abuse apologism if done wrong. But I’d like to think that once they got over the shock and did some serious priority and soul searching, they would learn to correct themselves. Growth isn’t just saved for the teen protagonists, everyone has the chance to be better. Danny clearly doesn’t hold his parents behavior against them and would be nothing but ecstatic if they loved and accepted him. I do believe in a happy, functional if abnormal, Fenton family dynamic and I’m all for it.

#danny phantom #this also got long #get out with your 'jack and maddie wont love danny as a ghost'#'jack and maddie realizing they fucked up MASSIVELY and working to be better people and parents is in'#but the situation through most of the series is y i k e s #anyway watch DP gentry #you'll cry so much for this sad ghost teen you could fill a bathtub #Izuku reminds me a lot of him #gentrychild

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bridgertonandchocolate · 2 years

Text

Mmkay. Been a long while since I have been on Tumblr. I have recently been coming for Bridgerton content, particularly Polin content. So we may be expecting a shift in profile here. With recent plot details released for season 3 I needed a place to put my thoughts so…here we go. First ever post on Bridgerton.

I’m feeling very conflicted about the plot of the season. The way they developed season 2 I expected Colin and Penelope to be next, but when season 2 premiered I hadn’t read any of the books. I quickly devoured all 8 of them. Having read RMB I knew that season 3 would need to be drastically different since majority of the plot of the book was around Whisteldowns identity. Here’s what I loved about the announcement: the fact they will be building Penelope’s confidence. I think we will see her blossom and really be on a path of self-love. Am I happy it will be Colin helping her with this?

Yes and no. I would love to see it portrayed similar to his own self discovery “if pen can see me this way certainly I can see myself this way” but I have a feeling it won’t be that way. Hence the no. I would love for Pen to realize how amazing she is and it come about naturally for them both. Will it happen this way? Likely not, especially with additional cast. I’m dreading the fact they will make Colin jealous. Jealousy is just not an attractive trait to me and petty. I would love to see Colin grovel and worship Pen, having him recognize what a jerk he really was without additional suitors. I don’t understand why they feel the need to have him help her find a husband. Why does Pen need to have a bunch of suitors for her to have confidence? Not to mention is goes completely against everything in regency times. Not knowing exactly how this will play out I can’t completely tear it down, but seems to me that Pen and Colin are going to have a lot of unchaperoned time together more than they already have and more than any of the other previous seasons and it just seems so unrealistic to me that Colin would be giving Penelope “lessons”. I do think this is how they’re going to work in Penelope asking Colin to kiss her, a lesson in kissing perhaps.

I apologize for the oddness to this stream of consciousness and all the different directions. Maybe once I’ve had more time to think about it all I will be able to make more sense.

let’s try to boil this down a tad to things I want to see and things I don’t.

Things I want to see: Pen realizing her worth and becoming more self confident, Carriage and mirror (goes without saying), Pen standing up to her mother and Cressida, Colin not being an asshat, Colin having other interests other than travel, Colin groveling, Colin and Pen both finding their purpose, Colin going to a sibling and having discussions of love, a very very very strong A storyline.

Things I don’t want to see: Colin jealous, Colin experiencing significant amounts of heartache (same for Pen), other suitors (don’t even get me started), all of the sexy times being put out like they’re “lessons” (don’t do it). Whistledown being the reason Pen has confidence. I don’t like that she may use it as revenge. I get she’s human and I’m forgiving of the asshole things she’s done, but I would much rather her try to make amends then try to tear more people down. not a comprehensive list but a great start. All in all I am just hoping to not be angry with the adaptation. Nicola had mentioned that they’re sticking pretty close to the book, but I don’t see it. I think there are several moments in the book that will definitely be included, but I’m just fearful that it won’t be as strong of a story as the other two seasons. I never will discredit Nic or Luke’s acting because I think they’re both amazing so if I end up unhappy it’s not because of them and their wonderful selves.

Always happen to have conversations about this. I’ve missed obsessing over a TV couple.

#bridgerton #bridgerton season 3 #polin #polinators #penelope featherington #penelope bridgerton #colin bridgerton #romancing mister bridgerton #please don’t ruin polin #please don’t ruin bridgerton

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robininthelabyrinth · 4 years

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Sufficiently strong emotionally-charged moments of physical contact can occasionally forge long-term telepathic bonds between cultivators. These bonds are usually based on positive emotions like familial or romantic love, or deep feelings of friendship, but the emotions don’t necessarily have to be positive to forge a bond. Wei Wuxian is very upset to find out that punching Jin Zixuan in the face apparently counts as a sufficiently strong emotionally-charged moment of physical contact.

on ao3

Wei Wuxian had been obsessed with the idea of a resonant bond ever since he first learned about it.

Sure, it was a rarity. It was easier for a cultivator to find a friend, a lover, or even a soulmate than it was for them to create a resonant bond, which required not merely liking or understanding or even love but rather a single moment in time in which two cultivators were on exactly the same wavelength.

Their cultivation strength, their frame of mind, the state of their bodies, the exact way in which they touched – in that one moment, everything would be exactly the same, and the Heavens would forget for that brief moment to see the two as separate, like two separate raindrops merging into one before the moment passed, some difference introduced, and they were broken apart into separate beings again. Yet even after they separated, they would irrevocably retain some aspects of the other, a connection that generally manifested, it was said, as a mental bond that could not be broken, a tie that would keep them bound together no matter the distance.

Such a thing could not be worked towards, only hoped for; it was a matter of luck.

Wei Wuxian had never wanted anything more in his life.

The thought of never being alone again – it enticed him, it excited him. Jiang Cheng could wrinkle his nose in distaste at the idea that he might not be alone in his mind anymore, that someone would see all the stupid or terrible things he sometimes thought, but to Wei Wuxian that was the best part: that someone would see you and know you and you would see and know them, too. To have someone to accompany you through the best and worst moments of your life, always at your side…

To never fear abandonment, to never need to worry about someone going out only for a little and then never coming back.

It would be amazing.

That was what Wei Wuxian thought.

Well, that was what he thought right up until he punched Jin Zixuan in the face for insulting his shijie, his whole heart burning at the unfairness of adults who didn’t understand, at other boys who didn’t appreciate what they had, at everything all around them and at his own weakness in not being able to do more, and something just –

Clicked.

“Hey, wake up! Wake up! Are you all right?”

Wei Wuxian opened his eyes, only to be assaulted with what felt like double vision. Above him were Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang, hovering and looking anxious, and from the corner of his eye he could see Lan Wangji, who he so enjoyed teasing, was sweeping over to them with a grim expression – and yet at the same time he thought he could perceive different faces above him as well.

Three young men and two women, all looking down at him with smiles like sharks, ready to devour. Each one of them draped in the gold they lusted to take from his hands –

What the fuck? Wei Wuxian thought groggily. How did I end up on the ground?

Good question. I didn’t think I got punched that hard.

Wait, Wei Wuxian thought. Hold up, I got punched? I didn’t even see the peacock lift his fists!

…Wei Wuxian? Is that – you?

Wei Wuxian’s eyes went wide when he realized he hadn’t said any of that out loud, that to judge from Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang’s chatter they hadn’t heard either him nor the other voice. Which meant that the voice had to be...in his head. Is this – this is a resonant bond. We formed a resonant bond!

Shit, Jin Zixuan thought, because it was Jin Zixuan, wasn’t it? Shit, shit, shit. Please don’t say anything about this to anyone!

What? Why?

Please!

Wei Wuxian hadn’t even known that the peacock knew that word.

Fine, he said, feeling generous on account of the whole bond business. I won’t tell. For now.

“Wei-xiong?” Nie Huaisang asked, looking worriedly fretful. “Are you all right? You haven’t said anything.”

“I’m fine,” he said, rubbing his head and trying to think of a lie to explain why he fell over like that. “I think the peacock must’ve had a talisman or a defensive weapon or something. Whatever it is, I’m fine now.”

“Good. I’m glad you’re all right,” Jiang Cheng said, looking deeply relieved. And then, a moment later – “Because I’m going to kill you - !”

There wasn’t too much time to talk after that. Wei Wuxian was sentenced to kneeling, and then his Uncle Jiang arrived and Sect Leader Jin arrived – oh no, oh no, oh no, I fucked up, Jin Zixuan thought hopelessly, and Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but feel a bit of the same – and the next thing Wei Wuxian knew, the engagement between Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli was broken and he was being sent to pack up his things, to be taken home at once.

Jin Zixuan was swept away by his father, too.

“A pity about the engagement,” Sect Leader Jin remarked idly as they walked together. “Perhaps you shouldn’t have said such a thing. Your mother will be disappointed.”

Wei Wuxian could feel the way that that jabbed at Jin Zixuan’s heart like a stab with a sword.

“Still, it’s no harm,” the man continued, indifferently ignoring the impact his words had had on his son. “One could even call it a gain! You won’t be burdened down with that shrew’s daughter anymore.”

That what?!

Tune out of this conversation, please, Jin Zixuan said, his thoughts dull and sluggish and resigned. It’s going to get worse from here on out.

It did.

Sect Leader Jin commented at some great length about his views on Madame Yu’s many faults – her temper, her strength, her nosiness, her thought that she was worth anything other than a pair of legs and an inheritance – and contrasted it with some salacious comments on her positive traits – mostly the legs, with a few comments on the upper half as well – and then he started speculating about Jiang Yanli, too, in a way that made Wei Wuxian’s blood boil.

It’s not about her, Jin Zixuan told him, his voice a little desperate in a familiar way – he was used to having to defend his father, and just as obviously didn’t want to. He’s building up a defense.

What?

For my mother. She’ll be angry at him for agreeing to break the engagement, so he’ll say that it was my idea, say all this stuff, and then she’ll be angry at me for believing it, instead, even though I don’t. This isn’t what I wanted at all.

Wei Wuxian frowned. You wanted to marry my shijie? You sure didn’t show it!

No, I just didn’t want to marry anybody, Jin Zixuan said, and…okay, fine, that was a pretty respectable position. Wei Wuxian didn’t particularly want to marry anyone yet, either. I just got angry when everyone was talking about how it was a done deal, that’s all. Just one more thing that got picked for me.

Wei Wuxian had heard Jiang Cheng complain about similar enough things – how much of his life was selected in advance, how much was organized for the benefit of his sect rather than his own interests, how little choice he got. How even if he’d been as good as Wei Wuxian, or even better, he still wouldn’t have been able to go out and hunt pheasants all day the way Wei Wuxian did.

He refused to feel sympathy. Well, you shouldn’t have taken it out on my shijie!

Probably not. Jin Zixuan was silent for a moment. It probably doesn’t help, but I’m sorry for my rudeness.

Wei Wuxian hated it when people were reasonable. It made it so much harder to stay angry at them.

Are you going to tell me why I can’t tell people about this bond yet? he asked. You’d better have a good reason, I had to put up with an entire scolding from Jiang Cheng because I didn’t have a good excuse!

Later tonight. I promise.

That night, Wei Wuxian excused himself early and hid himself in his room on the boat. He knew that he was giving both Uncle Jiang and Jiang Cheng the impression that he was feeling deeply guilty about having broken the engagement, thereby making them feel bad about it, which he didn’t intend, but he really wanted to hear the reason. If it wasn’t good enough, he’d really break Jin Zixuan’s nose this time!

It really is a good reason!

Well, then? If it’s so good, don’t keep me in suspense!

Jin Zixuan sighed. Wei Wuxian felt it like an exhalation on his cheek, as if Jin Zixuan were right there beside him. You know how a resonant bond is supposed to be equal?

What do you mean ‘supposed to be’? Wei Wuxian asked, and felt something cold in his belly.

There are forbidden techniques, ancient ones, that are designed to manipulate a resonant bond into an unequal state. To make one side the master and the other the slave.

That’s disgusting!

If we told anyone, my father would find a way to get one, Jin Zixuan said, and he wasn’t guessing. His voice was utterly certain. There’s very little money can’t buy, and he wouldn’t be able to resist the idea of having a spy in the very heart of the Jiang clan.

Well, then just don’t tell him!

Just like I didn’t tell him about what I said about your shijie?

Wei Wuxian got tripped up by that. It was true, Jin Zixuan hadn’t said a word about what had happened, and yet his father had already known every last detail. How..?

One of my ‘friends’ told him, of course. Probably more than one, actually – I wouldn’t be surprised if they all passed it along. It’s what he pays them for.

He pays for your friends to spy on you?!

I already told you that there’s little money can’t buy. Why not friends?

I wouldn’t be friends with people who accepted money to spy on me. Why do you?

If it’s not this set, it’ll be another, and it’s all the same. If they won’t be bought, then I can’t be friends with them…anyway, I’ve gotten used to these ones.

All of them? Wei Wuxian asked. Even Mianmian? She didn’t seem the type…

Her name is Luo Qingyang, and yes. Her parents are sick and my father’s paying for the treatment; if she doesn’t tell him everything, he’ll cut off funds…she told me about it, though. Said that if there was ever a time that I wanted her to ‘forget’ to report something, she could do that. That’s more than most would do, and probably about as much as anyone can expect –

Have you ever had a friend that wasn’t bought? Wei Wuxian asked. I mean…ever?

Jin Zixuan was silent.

Well, that wouldn’t do.

Well, I guess you have me now, Wei Wuxian thought, with only a tiny amount of self-pity for the stupidity of agreeing to be friends with Jin Zixuan. Still, if he’d survived his efforts at being Lan Wangji’s friend, he could survive anything. No one’s going to buy me!

But –

Nope! No take-backs! We have a resonant bond, peacock. You think I’m going to waste a gift from the Heavens like this just because it’s with you? You’ve got another thing coming!

…can you at least stop calling me a peacock?!

Madame Yu made her displeasure clear enough when Wei Wuxian returned, ordering him to kneel all night and do every available chore and things like that, but Wei Wuxian didn’t take it to heart – he never did, really.

Like Jiang Cheng, Madame Yu’s bark was worse than her bite: for all that she hissed and spat and punished him with kneeling or holding up weights, she’d never denied him resources, kept him back from training, or even denied him the spot of head disciple to promote another less qualified in his place, which she very well might have if she were a bit pettier.

So he didn’t take it personally, even if Jin Zixuan seemed indignant on his behalf – you were defending her daughter! You’d think she’d give you some leeway for that, at least! – and at any rate it was better than Jin Zixuan’s slow meandering way home, with his father disappearing every night into a brothel or the bedroom of some innkeeper’s daughter or something like that.

It was better than Jin Zixuan’s mother’s reaction, too, which was to scream and shout and say vicious nasty things, to smash plates and vases against the walls right over his head, and then to pull him into her arms and make him promise over and over again that he would never betray her.

I think I suffered more in terms of physical exertion, but you get full points for all the emotional devastation, Wei Wuxian said after Jin Zixuan returned to hide in his bedroom. Does she do that a lot?

All the time, Jin Zixuan said. All the fucking time.

After a moment, he added, guiltily, It’s only that she loves me –

Ugh, don’t even start with that, Wei Wuxian said. Complaining about awful parent-related trauma is boring, I get enough of it from Jiang Cheng. Help me figure out what I should do tomorrow: flying kites, swimming, or hunting pheasants? Oh, or fishing!

…seriously? Do you spend any time cultivating?

Oh, come on. It’s my first day back!

That just means you have more you need to catch up on!

Your shijie is really nice.

I told you!

You didn’t! You just hit me!

Wei Wuxian loved having a resonant bond.

Sure, it wasn’t with someone useful like Jiang Cheng or even wonderful like Lan Wangji – I can hear you, you know – but it was kind of nice to have someone to complain to when it would be awkward to put it onto Jiang Cheng or Jiang Yanli.

The other half being Jin Zixuan was also not as bad as he had first thought it would be. Sure, he was just as spoiled, arrogant, vain, and deeply cynical about human nature as Wei Wuxian had thought – I can still hear you! – but he was also an awkward introvert with no social skills and an over-active guilt complex – fuck you too, Wei Wuxian – and, in the sum total of things, surprisingly tolerable. Thanks? I think?

It’d certainly made the indoctrination camp more tolerable, even if it did mean having two people talking in his ear about how he needed to think more about the consequences of his actions and how it might reflect on his sect, and certainly having Jin Zixuan confirming that the other disciples had made it out of the cave and were moving at full speed to try to get help made the days he was waiting with Lan Wangji a lot less stressful, and their ensuing rescue a lot easier.

But sometimes –

This is a terrible idea! You can’t do it!

You don’t get a say! Wei Wuxian snarled. This is my decision.

Fuck you, Jin Zixuan said. A moment later, quieter: Is this because I couldn’t make it to you in time to help?

Wei Wuxian swallowed, feeling his eyes burn. The Wen attack was a surprise to everyone, he said. Even if you were able to convince your father to let you go help with everyone you had, it wouldn’t – you wouldn’t have made it in time to do anything.

After his father had refused, Jin Zixuan had snuck out of Jinlin Tower through what he’d thought was a secret passage and tried to go anyway, only to be caught and dragged back. Wei Wuxian appreciated the effort, even if it didn’t make a difference in the end.

When they were on the run from the Wen sect, after, Jin Zixuan had encouraged Wei Wuxian to head to Lanling, swearing that he wouldn’t allow anyone to turn them over to the Wen sect, but they hadn’t gotten that far.

And now…

It’s my choice, Wei Wuxian said. You don’t get a say.

Fuck you, Jin Zixuan said again, but his voice was softer. Fine. But I’m here for you.

Wei Wuxian smiled, just a little bit, and told to Wen Qing to start.

I’m going to murder my father, Jin Zixuan said, conversationally. And then go to the hell reserved for patricides and be reborn as a chicken right before slaughter.

For shame, Wei Wuxian said. Not even a lamb or a goat?

No, I want to be able to bite someone and mean it, and chickens are better at that than goats.

Wei Wuxian giggled, a little hysterically. It’s fine, he said, looking around the Burial Mounds. It’s fine that he won’t let you come to my rescue immediately. Not like I’m going anywhere.

He’d thought – they’d both thought – that the resonant bond would break or maybe transfer to Jiang Cheng along with Wei Wuxian’s golden core, but it hadn’t.

Wei Wuxian had been depressingly grateful for it, for the by now familiar Lanling cadence of Jin Zixuan in his head. It made the horrible quiet empty of the Burial Mounds a little more tolerable, a little less awful.

Anyway, he said briskly, shaking off his terror at being here alone but for the voice in his head. I have an idea…

I feel like if I knew Chifeng-zun looked like that I would’ve made befriending Nie Huaisang more of a priority when I was younger.

I know, right? Wei Wuxian thought back. Just…wow.

A moment later, he added, a little irritably, I thought you were into my shijie again?

I am! I’m allowed to have eyes, okay?

Not if you’re surnamed Jin you aren’t.

Fuck you.

Nope. And Chifeng-zun isn’t going to, either.

He could feel Jin Zixuan rolling his eyes. I don’t even want him to, I was really just looking. Anyway, how’s Lan Wangji doing?

Lan Zhan? He’s – well, he’s always bothering me about going back to Gusu with him, talking about how my demonic cultivation is dangerous to me, but oh, you should have seen him when he joins us to fight..! You can forgive anything, really, just to watch him move – Wei Wuxian paused. Wait, why are you asking?

No reason.

Jin Zixuan! You tell me this instant -

Jin Zixuan was locking Wei Wuxian out of his head again.

It was a technique they’d worked on developing together – with some assistance from Wei Wuxian’s brilliance and Jin Zixuan’s ability to find and purchase extremely rare reference texts, whether on resonant bonds or just more generally, including when Wei Wuxian had needed some help figuring out some things about demonic cultivation while trapped on the Burial Mounds – as it had become moderately urgent following Jin Zixuan’s first spring dream involving Jiang Yanli, and even more so once he’d decided that he really did want to marry her, actually, if she’d be willing to have him.

There were some things Wei Wuxian did not need to know about his shijie.

Still, it was unusual for him to block him during the day. One might even call it suspicious.

I’m sorry, Jin Zixuan said abruptly. It had to be done, and you weren’t going to do it.

Huh? What are you talking about…?

“Wei Wuxian!” Jiang Cheng shouted, and Wei Wuxian turned, surprised. His shidi’s eyes were red as if he’d been crying, and he ran up and pulled him into his arms. “Wei Wuxian…!”

“What?” he asked, puzzled. “What’s this about…?”

“How could you?!” Jiang Cheng demanded, weeping into his neck. “You should have told me – you had no right to – to give me – Wei Wuxian!”

Wei Wuxian’s back went stiff. You didn’t!

It was the truth or you getting kicked out of your sect! He needed to know!

Fuck you! It wasn’t your choice to make!

I’m not going to stand by and let you get schemed against, Jin Zixuan said. Certainly not by my own father. I won’t!

I’m going to make you pay for this, Wei Wuxian said darkly, then looked down at Jiang Cheng in his arms. And possibly thank you for it. But I’m definitely going to make you pay!

This may sound weird, Jin Zixuan said. But I think I’m being poisoned.

Based on what I know about Lanling Jin sect and its politics, it’s not weird at all, Wei Wuxian said instinctively, then frowned. Are you serious? It’s not just baby fatigue or something?

That’s what I thought at first, too. But now I’m not so sure. He was silent for a moment. I don’t want to sound like my mother, but…

You think it’s Lianfeng-zun? I’m not saying he doesn’t have the most motive for it, but do you really think..? He seems so nice.

He is, most of the time. Jin Zixuan sighed. Maybe I really am just tired.

Wei Wuxian didn’t think so. He’d had a half-dozen years of listening to the backstabbing, vicious world of Jinlin Tower under his belt by now – had fought bitterly in the war only to fight even more bitterly for something like the right to attend his own shijie’s wedding, something that ought to have been his by right – had nearly suffered an ambush when he tried to attend Jin Ling’s first month party, with Jin Zixun attacking him and Wen Ning going unexpectedly crazy and Jin Zixuan rushing over as fast as he could to make them all stop. If he hadn’t already known about Jin Zixuan not knowing about this, if he hadn’t felt something go wrong and thrown himself in between them without thinking, Jin Zixuan might’ve died there and then on the Qiongqi path.

If Jin Zixuan thought he was being poisoned, he was probably being poisoned.

I’ll come visit you and look into it, Wei Wuxian said. We can pretend that I’m there to visit shijie.

They’d long ago confessed the truth to Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli, of course. For some reason, neither had looked all that surprised.

With your reputation, even if you figured something out, who’d believe you? Jin Zixuan asked. Ask Hanguang-jun if he’ll come, his reputation will bear up.

Lan Zhan? Sure! I’m always happy to work with him. But you know, he’s been ignoring me recently…I don’t know why…

Tell him about the resonant bond.

What? I thought we were still keeping it a secret.

Tell him. He doesn’t tell anyone anything.

Good point, I guess. You think that’ll help him stop ignoring me?

Yes.

Wei Wuxian generally trusted Jin Zixuan’s reading of people, now that he was mature enough not to let his personal feelings cloud his judgment. All right, I will. Can you tell me why?

You’ll find out when you tell him.

Unhelpful.

Noted and ignored.

Fuck you.

Yeah, you too. See you soon.

Jin Zixuan?

Yeah?

Thank you for my love life, but also, FUCK YOU.

#mdzs #wei wuxian #jin zixuan #my fic #my fics #resonant bond #this one is set in the untamed but only barely #lesbianjinzixuan

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wordsnstuff · 4 years

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20 Mistakes To Avoid in Enemies To Lovers

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Weak Conflict

There should always be a strong, compelling source of tension between two people who are considered enemies. Even if their rivalry stems from external sources, such as bad blood between families or competing for a number one spot, there should always be a concrete reason why they hate each other.

Not Explaining Forgiveness

When one of these conflicts subsides, or a tense moment resolves, it should be justified. Tension and emotions shouldn’t disappear because you’re trying to stuff romantic moments in here and there. If one of your characters crosses a line and the other character chooses to forgive them, there needs to be a clear and understandable reason. It doesn’t always have to sit well with the reader. Your character can make a blatantly stupid decision, but it needs to serve the plot.

No Tension To Be Found

If your characters have to verbally or physically assault each other to demonstrate the tension between them, you’re doing it wrong. If they have to kiss for the reader to see that they like each other, you’re doing it wrong. Tension is in the little things. It’s in the instances that most people would overlook, but your characters zero-in on because the subtext is too thick to gloss over. Tension is the most important plot device in enemies-to-lovers stories, so it requires a lot of time and attention to minute details.

Conflict Solved Too Easily

If the rivalry between your characters is one misstep after another, with immediate forgiveness following, the tension won’t build correctly. You’re working your way up to a boiling over moment. A moment where everything comes out and then, once resolved, makes way for the romantic feelings to enter. If the conflicts don’t slowly build on each other, that boiling moment will come out of nowhere and be less satisfying to read. Don’t let your characters off that easily. Enemies aren’t constantly letting things slide.

Characters Changing For One Another

People don’t need to be exactly the same to see attractive qualities in one another. It’s true that relationships shift your perspective and that it occasionally results in outward changes in behavior, but one or both characters shouldn’t mold their personality around their partner.

Stupid Potion

If one of your characters has to become oblivious or avoid critical thought to maintain a relationship with that character, you haven’t made the two characters compatible enough. This is especially true when one or both of your character’s identity revolves around a higher intelligence. They should have enough in common that there doesn’t have to be a giant shift in one or both personalities to work as a couple.

The Relationship Brings Them Down

The thing about enemies to lovers stories is that the happy endings are usually an indication of the author’s view of what is and is not forgivable in a potential partner. The acceptance of someone’s past mistakes, current flaws, and future struggles. When a love story ends with a couple that repeatedly lower each other or hurt each other, that sends a bad message, and that is your responsibility to avoid. It doesn’t need a happy ending, but it should never have a destructive one.

Writing Abuse Instead of Rivalry

There is a big difference between writing two equals who have a rivalry slowly falling in love and putting aside their differences, and writing an abusive, predatory love interest who repeatedly hurts, manipulates, and gaslights the main character. Just because you can imagine the character forgiving them doesn’t mean they’re a good partner. Cheating, physical abuse, isolation, passive aggression, and manipulation are not character flaws. They’re not “mistakes” that the character needs to forgive in order to save their relationship. It’s abuse, and when you write a story between an abuser and a victim that has a happy ending, that has consequences.

Revealing Feelings In A Cliché Way

This is very subjective, however, there are also a plethora of tropes to choose from and an infinite amount of alterations you can apply to make them your own. The objective, however, is to build up to it in a way that creates a satisfying payoff, and an interesting moment that serves all of the work you’ve done to build to it. There’s nothing worse than reading chapters and chapters of build up, anticipating a big moment where sparks fly, and then having all of that tension result in a sad sputter of mediocrity.

Instant Trust

Trust is difficult to build between two people, especially when they have a complicated past. Trust is earned, no matter who you are or what you’ve been through, it’s always a process. It’s never inherent. When two characters have a history of betrayal or hurt, trust is going to be even harder to develop between them, and that process is an opportunity for more tension, character development, conflict, and eventually a satisfying resolution. Trust development is a major plot device, and I recommend you take advantage of it. It’s also a huge opportunity for building romantic tension amongst the angst of trials and tribulations.

Why Do They Hate Each Other, Though?

There’s a thin line between love and hate, and that line is infatuation; obsession. So, what put the two of them on the bad side of that line? This reason is the main conflict. The overarching plot begins with the point where that rivalry either begins or is challenged after a long while of stagnation, and it ends with the two characters crossing over that line into love. You need to make that beginning point very clear.

Rivalry Shouldn’t Just Dissolve

There needs to be a transitionary period that is tense and awkward with scattered moments that make the effort worth it to both of them. There should be a “Well, we hated each other last week and then they did some really sweet things and now I’m not so sure. Maybe we’re starting to become friends now? I feel really excited when I see them, so I must not hate them anymore, right?” period.

Complete Opposites

Yes, opposites can attract. Yes, completely different people can fit together very well and have a happy relationship, but this is a cliché and is, in most cases, poorly thought out with little to no originality.

Love With No Reason

Just like your characters need a reason to hate each other, they need a reason to love each other. There has to be something that makes them work. Not just a common hobby or characteristic or exterior aspect they share, but something that makes them fit together. If they love each other because... they can, your reader will feel like they’re watching two stupid, lonely people tolerate each other’s flaws in the interest of sex or companionship for 100 pages.

No Actual Conflict Resolution

Relationships are built through conflict resolution. Communication, empathy, effort, and understanding between two people who work to make each other happy. Hollow forgiveness is not apart of that process, and if that’s all there is, you’re not developing a realistic relationship between compatible people, you’re depicting a toxic relationship that, in the case of these origins, can be abusive.

Underusing Sexual Tension

Sexual tension is great. It’s easy to develop, it has a satisfying payoff, and it doesn’t take up a lot of space on the pages. It doesn’t have to result in x-rated material, especially if you’re writing for a young adult audience, but it’s simple and effective.

No Awkward Transition Period

A large chunk of the plot should be awkward and uncomfortable to watch. The transition should be organic and make sense for your characters, but all organic movement contains struggle. Nobody goes from hating each other to loving each other overnight, and relationships are complicated and require hard work. Show this.

Catalogue Characters

There are enough stories out there with cardboard characters and self-insert protagonists, especially in romance. Make your protagonists unique and individual. Make your characters diverse and interesting to read about. Readers should have a bit of wiggle room for imagination, but that doesn’t mean they should be filling in the blanks like your characters are Mad Libs. Don’t close your eyes and point at character archetypes to form your cast. It’s obvious and lazy.

Stagnant Tone

The tone of these stories often falls flat because in the interest of building tension, writers ignore purposeful tone shifting, scene-to-scene. Change it up, make it potent, and make a lasting impact during important moments. Suspense and anticipation shouldn’t just build during the climax and resolution.

Bad Pacing

When your readers spend hours reading a story that promises a romantic payoff, they expect to see some of it. I think that a three act structure is really effective with this type of arc, with the first third being devoted to building rival tensions, the middle third being the shift from rivals to friends, and the last third building that romantic tension and ending with a happy resolution.

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earnestly-endlessly · 3 years

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Hi, how are you? Your blog is amazing and your recommendations have already allowed me to read wonderful stories, so thank you so much! I wonder if you could suggest me any cherik fics of them as detectives? I remember reading one a long time ago, but unfortunately I don't know the name and even less the synopsis. Thank you in advance for your help.

Thank you so much @remember5novemberv for your kind words. I'm so sorry this took me so long but I hope you enjoy this list. There are some excellent detective AUs in this fandom so you're in for a treat.

Cherik Detective AUs

Their Mouths Always Lie – keire_ke

Summary: Charles adheres to most police protocols like they are a personal code of conduct. Erik gets things done and over with, for better or worse. Raven knows what she's doing, most of the time. The serial killer kills, regardless. Police AU.

Guilty by Association – Reagan

Summary: While investigating the homicide of a John Doe who he suspects might've been murdered while working the streets as a prostitute, Detective Erik Lehnsherr finds an unexpected ally in a hooker named Charles who seems as determined as he to solve the case. As they become more deeply involved both with the case and each other, there's just one thing that Charles neglects to mention -- that he's really an investigative journalist, one quickly convinced that what they're dealing with is more than simple murder. cop!Erik, fake-hooker-slash-reporter!Charles, Modern AU.

Incy Wincy Spider – Tawabids

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr is a renowned homicide detective, with his husband Charles at home and his partner on the job, Moira MacTaggert. When a twisted serial killer starts targeting mutants, Erik and Moira are the perfect team for the job, especially since Erik himself is the mutant poster-boy of an NYPD trying to improve their image.

But what they don't yet know is that the serial killer is an old soul out of Erik's past, and his next move is to pull Charles into his web.

The Theory of Partnership Dynamics – Pangea

Summary: “Detective Lehnsherr, how wonderful to see you out on the job!” The fed in the front greets him as they draw nearer. He’s shorter than the other two by a full head, and he’s beaming at Lehnsherr as if completely undeterred by Lehnsherr’s paint-peeling scowl.

“What do the feds want?” Lehnsherr asks bluntly.

“You know I can’t tell you that,” the fed answers cheerfully. Then his gaze lands on Alex, and, impossibly, his grin gets even brighter. “Did you get a new partner?"

“No,” Lehnsherr says through his teeth while at the same time Alex says, “Yes.”

Charles’ Killer – luchia

Summary: When detective Charles Xavier finds himself hunting down a vendetta-driven serial killer, it doesn't take long for him to realize he's in over his head. It only takes a little longer for him to realize his killer is, too.

Demoted – JayPendragon

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr is a detective-specialist with the NYPD Mutant Tactical Unit, ready to help out where his skills are needed. Or he would be, if he and his partner hadn’t been demoted. For the next four months, he is patrolling the Lenox Hill precinct with Azazel – if he doesn’t die of boredom first.

One night they are called in to investigate a potential case of domestic violence, yet the tenant assures them he is both alone and unharmed. However, there is something about this Charles Xavier that compels Erik to follow up.

Watching the Detectives – Clocks

Summary: Detectives Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr are good friends and colleagues. However, when they go undercover at a Christmas party to nab a prime suspect, Erik keeps reminding himself to stay professional and ignore feelings of unexpected jealousy.

Oh, Sinnerman (Where you gonna run to?) – TintagelCastle (orphan–account)

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr is one of the best homicide detectives in New York. From small time stabbings to high end mob hits, Erik (and his equally scary partner Logan) makes sure all the bad guys get caught, searching for the final clue to nail his mother's killer. As a string of murders draws the net ever tighter on Erik's life's work, he needs to catch the nightmare of his past whilst continuing to be the darling of the Force...

And so what if he's completely in love with the British guy on Forensics? Who's he ever going to tell?

Wrap up my bones – waifornight

Summary: Damaged detective Erik Lehnsherr is grimly searching for a serial killer whose victims all have extraordinary gifts. But without any clues or leads he and his partner Logan are in the dark. Until Charles Xavier, abducted by the killer, escapes. Together Erik and Charles must confront something far darker than either of them had ever imagined.

Alternate Universe loosely based off the crime movie Kiss the Girls.

I’ll see your heart (and I’ll race you mine) – sirona

Summary: For Kriminalhauptkommissar Erik Lehnsherr, this case will change everything.

Paralyzer – Yahtzee

Summary: In 1965, Erik Lehnsherr has infiltrated the NYPD for his own purposes -- but his powers make him a brilliant detective. Yet that's not why FBI agent Charles Xavier has sought him out. It's because the mysterious killer they're both trying to find is murdering people like them: other mutants.

Their search for a madman binds them together. Their inner demons may tear them apart. But the greatest danger comes when the killer they're looking for looks back.

Wrap up my bones – waifornight

Alternate Universe loosely based off the crime movie Kiss the Girls.

The Long Bright Dark – lachatblanche

Summary: Ten years ago Detectives Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr closed the case on a grotesque series of murders that continue to haunt them even in the present day. When they are pulled in for questioning a decade later, they finally have confirmation of something that they have both suspected for a very long time - that there is unfinished business for them to take care of and that the case they thought they had closed so very long ago is in reality still all too open.

A True Detective AU.

Finding North – ClarkeStetler, Goosenik

Summary: Charles and Erik are (loosely) friends with benefits. They don't share personal details, last names, or anything concrete about their lives. This is ruined rather spectacularly when Charles gets recruited by the Mutant Apprehension Division of the FBI. Surprised is a bit of an understatement for their reaction to finding themselves partnered up and sent out on cases with the team.

Closer (to God) – dsrobertson

Summary: Se7en/The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo AU-ish.

Political journalist and editor, Erik Lehnsherr, has just lost £150,000 in a libel case against businessman, Kurt Marko. Down on his luck and in need of money, Erik is approached by the Metropolitan Police’s Detective Inspector Charles Xavier. Well-known for his investigative journalism, Erik is asked to help in the search for a serial killer in return for £200,000 if the killer is caught.

Wrapped up in murder, religion, and sex, Erik gets more than he bargained for.

Homo Sacer – unveiled

Summary: In a not too distant future, Detective Erik Lehnsherr meets Charles Xavier: street magician, former academician, and telepath.

One Good Day – troll_under_the_bridge

Summary: One case which is going to turn Charles' world upside down, while he struggles to pacify his boss, investigate murders and come to terms with the mess his life has become.

Playing With Fire – professor

Summary: Charles is a detective determined to catch a serial killer.

If the serial killer doesn't catch him first.

Hold on or let go – aesc, pearl_o

Summary: Teenage telepath Charles Xavier takes a job as a consultant, working with prickly police detective Erik Lehnsherr. Charles is used to being on his own and taking care of himself; he has no reason to think that his relationship with this stern, icy man is going to change any of that. (Also known as: Tough Little Baby Telepath.)

MCIS: First Case – Pookaseraph

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr considers himself a great MCIS agent, and he puts up with a lot from his boss - Moira MacTaggart - in the name of solving crimes against mutants, but he's not so sure about this new empath, Charles Xavier. Their first case together will test Erik's patience, but doubtless be the beginning of a brilliant friendship.

MCIS: Fathers, Sons, and Brothers – Pookaseraph

Summary: Alex Summers has a single case that he has obsessed about ever since coming to MCIS two years ago: Su-M-94-0708-0034, the murder of Christopher and Katherine Summers, and the presumed kidnapping and possible murder of Scott Summers. Very little evidence was found at the time, but hopefully a new team - and new leads - can shed light on the case that left Alex an orphan.

When the Crazies come to town – Chinchillaatthedisc0

Summary: Erik is a surly detective with zero people skills who has just been assigned the murder case of Kurt Marko. Prime suspect? Charles xavier. Who's no where to be found.

My old man is a bad man – faerie_ground

Summary: Sebastian Shaw dies at two am in the morning with a dagger embedded in his forehead. Detective Erik Lehnsherr is on the case, and the number one suspect is the recently widowed Dr Charles Xavier, Sebastian Shaw's husband.

Deep Cover – Subtilior

Summary: Omegas in heat? The perfect whores. Sebastian Shaw? The bastard who kidnaps them for his Hellfire Club. Erik Lehnsherr? A hard-boiled detective who's been on the Hellfire case for months. The catastrophe that unfolds when he goes in on retrieval and finds Charles Xavier still writhing in a Hellfire bed? .... Deep Cover.

A Murder of Ravens – AbandonedWorld

Summary:Charles Xavier is wrongfully accused. Erik Lehnsherr is a top-notch homicide Lieutenant who stumbles upon the case of a lifetime: a serial killer targeting mutants–and only mutants. Charles bides his incarceration waiting on a miracle, reciting Poe's timeless gem in effort to retain his sanity...

Note: Unfinished

#cherik #cherik fic recs #fic recs #detective au #asks #earnestly answers #long post

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kalamity-jayne · 3 years

Note

Hi. I was curious if you have any advice on how to calm dysphoria. I have terrible anxiety about never “passing” and would like to alleviate that pain. Thank you <3

Hiya!

Yeah, I definitely have some advice for dealing with dysphoria and since you specifically mentioned that passing is a priority for you, my dysphoria advice is going to be tailored toward that concern. “Passing” is a double edged sword. It can absolutely tip the balance between euphoria-dysphoria and it can make us feel safer when out in public but it can also hold us back from the joy of embodying our own sense of self. At the end of the day the concept of “passing” is just one more mechanism that allows hegemonic masculinity (aka the patriarchy) to make us active participants in our own oppression. Always remember that before you ascribe too much value to it. You don't have to pass as anything but yourself. Besides, for me, what makes being trans so fantastically cool and powerful is that it's all about taking control of your own destiny and declaring your personal sovereignty. If I had to boil the transgender experience down to one sentence it would be: Staying true to yourself, without compromise.

Many of us trans folks have shared your anxiety at some point. No one should feel like they have to “pass” in order to be out in public but sadly the world can still be incredibly transphobic and that unfortunately means there are genuine safety concerns where passing does matter. Being able to consistently pass in public isn't going to come over night and the feeling of passing is going to be ephemeral at first, here and gone within moment, a day, a week. It's really important you remember to be kind to yourself at all times, especially when you feel your dysphoria bubbling to the surface. If you obsess over “passing” you'll end up nit-picking every detail of your self-image and that is just going to spiral you further into the dysphoria. Instead of worrying about adequately presenting/performing masculinity or femininity or androgyny or whatever, try to think of these various genders as genres of personhood and you're putting your own personal spin on one of the genres with your gender. In addition to being kind to yourself, be patient with yourself, getting a handle on “passing”, developing your own personal sense of your gender, and embodying it in a way that makes you happy takes time. Also, I recommend every transgender person out there develop a really robust sense of humor, just, like, in general. Don't take cis nonsense too seriously.

When it comes to dealing with gender dysphoria, I recommend thinking about it on two different levels. First, you have to get a handle on what to do when you're smack in the middle of a dysphoric spiral. That level is purely about how to self soothe and care for your own wellbeing. Then there's the second level where you look at your dysphoria from a higher altitude and pick it apart to better understand it. Now, it's really important to stay focused on level one if you're currently experiencing dysphoria and notattempt the next level because breaking down and examining your dysphoria so closely involves thinking about things that might trigger or magnify your dysphoria. You need to be in the right headspace for the higher altitude view but when you're ready and actually do that thorough examination, you'll be better prepared and more equipped to deal with dysphoria the next time it bubbles up. You may even be able to anticipate a dysphoric episode and completely diffuse it before it ever metastasizes.

Let's dig into that first level of dysphoria mitigation and save the second level for a follow-up post.

So, you're in the throws of gender dysphoria right now. What do you do? First, stop yourself from ruminating too much, give yourself some tender loving care, and lean on your supports, whatever they may be. And don't forget my earlier advice: Be kind to yourself. You'll keep coming back to that advice throughout the gender doldrums. I think a lot of trans folks, especially early on in the journey, spend a lot of time inside their own heads. That was certainly the case for for me anyway. Sometimes that can be helpful, like daydreaming about your life after transition. But spending too much time with your own thoughts can also be harmful, like obsessively picking apart your own body to prove to yourself “you'll never pass,” because you can't let go of some moment in the past when you were clocked as trans. To stop ruminating and still enjoy your daydreams you'll need a heightened awareness of your own thoughts. Imagine you're standing in the middle of a busy intersection, and each car that goes by is a thought. Normally, you'd hop in one of those cars and ride it all over town, but not this time. This time you're going to stay at the intersection and just observe the cars as they pass by. Next, learn to silence that voice of negativity inside your head, the one that makes you feel bad about yourself. For me, whenever I hear the dysphoria voice I like to imagine it's coming out of the mouth of some hateful bigot. This forces me to recognize how I'm tearing myself down the same way some alt-right shitheel would, allowing me to snap out of it and talk back at the dysphoria and say STFU. But that's just me. The point is externalize your dysphoria, give it a face or write it down, turn it into art, etc and talk back to it, respond to it, defend yourself.

Now, take a break from social media. Seriously, put the phone down because it's time to reconnect with your body. Start off with the basics. Don't skip anything in your hygiene or skincare routine. Don't have a routine? Then it's time to make one. If anything spend more time on your hygiene and skin care, get decadent with it. Use that fancy bath bomb or epsom salt. Open that moisturizing face mask. Bust out some good smelling candles. Caring for your body and relaxation is the name of the game here. Drink lots of water! Eat well, ideally healthy meals but contentment and comfort is more important. Drink more water! Become anal retentive about your sleep hygiene. Get off the phone well in advance of bedtime, wake up the same time every morning, try to go to bed at the same time every night and stick to the same order of operations when going to bed (something like, first you brush your teeth, then wash-moisturize your face, read, lights out, bed, every night). Getting the right amount of good quality sleep will help improve your state of mind quite a bit, even if dysphoria persists. If you're well rested you'll have more power to dismiss negative thoughts as they emerge.

Idle minds are prone to ruminating. So, lean into your passions, maybe find a project to keep yourself occupied, like cooking a complex meal, or making a piece of art or assembling a big puzzle, whatever you're into. Enjoy some escapism. Give yourself permission to get lost in fictional worlds because it'll be pleasurable and will help distract you from ruminating. Start a new RPG or read a crazy long book or get into a new comic book series or give yourself a brain massage by watching your go to comfort show. I usually go with Star Trek due to it's borderline insane optimism. Doing a form of exercise that feels safe during a dysphoria spell can help work tension out while reconnecting you to your body. The activity can be as simple as going for a long walk or doing a short yoga session off of YouTube. If you live somewhere with some genuine nature, go for a hike! It's exercise, fresh air and forest bathing (or rock basking if you live in a desert). Just don't over do it with exercise because you're trying to heal and taking it easy is very important.

Now this is probably the most important advice you're going to get here: Do not isolate yourself. Spend more time with your closest confidantes, the people who you know would be/are not only supportive but encouraging of your gender journey. Center them in your life and listen to them. My first attempt at coming out as trans was at the age of 17. My parents were not supportive. They didn't disown me or anything, but the overall message I got from them was that being trans was risky, abnormal and just not something you should desire being. My parents frequently responded to fraught vexations with pathological avoidance and often seemed uncomfortable being around me. The only person who was supportive, encouraging and helpful, was my best friend. She was the first person to befriend me at the high school I had just transferred to and the first person I ever came out to (kind of a funny story). At a certain point my parents had succeeded in walking me back into the closet. When my friend brought up the subject of my crossdressing I abruptly told her, “I don't do that anymore,” and regurgitated some dumb existentialist self actualization nonsense from some book I had been reading. I remember her reaction clear as day. She was taken aback and bewildered. “Really? Are you sure?” She pointed out the obvious, that I was scared, in denial, and inflicting harm on myself for stupid reasons. My best friend and her family were the only people who were in my corner back then and to this day I wish I had listened to her and not my parents.

The people in your corner are those folks you can talk frankly to about your inner most thoughts and feelings. Maybe you have multiple supportive people in your life but they're all online not irl. That's ok, lean on what you have. At the same time though start thinking about finding (more) people who can fill that role in reallife. Really try to prioritize friendships with other queer folks, especially trans people. It's life changing to be among other people like you, who are going through or have been through the same things you're dealing with now. Being in the company of other trans folks will not only have you feeling less isolated but you'll find all the stigma just melts away in their presence and being trans will feel, for lack of a better word, “normal”. Be patient, your chosen family can take time to build ,but be persistent too. Don't lose hope if you live in a small town. You may not realize or believe it yet, but we are everywhere. There are pride centers and other resources in a lot of small town communities that are just a Google search away. Also, a lot of places now run free virtual community programs these days thanks to the pandemic. If your an adult, figure out where the nearest scene is and get out there, even if you have to drive several hours to get there, it'll be worth it. If you're a young adult or teenager, it might seem like there are no other queer kids or trans kids in your community or at your school but I assure there most definitely are queer and trans kids around you, they're just not out yet.

Just know that you are never ever alone and simply hearing another trans person's voice, and talking to them in real time can make a world of difference. This is the number for the Trans Life Line: US 877-565-8860, Canada 877 330-6366.You don't have to be in danger of self harm. You only need to be trans person looking for help. You'll end up talking to a transgender person like me, who are now living their life out and proud but have been where you are. They'll pass along the lessons they learned while along their own journey and they'll help connect you with whatever resources you need. Most importantly they'll listen. If you're a a kid living with your parents and they aren't supportive, find a way to safely keep exploring and embodying your gender. Maybe that's going to your best friend's place and changing clothes there or maybe it's wearing ambiguously gendered clothing, or wearing something masculine or feminine underneath the clothes you have to wear, or playing as a version of your true self in an RPG or living authentically on the page, through writing. Never stop daydreaming about your bright future and do whatever you have to do to survive until you're old enough to fly the coop. The amount of time you have to do that isn't insurmountably long. Just keep your eye on the prize: independence. You just have to make it to the day you no longer need your parents for help or money or anything and least of all their approval. If your family isn't supportive of who you are, they are failing you, and I want you to know that you deserve better.

I hope at least some of that is helpful to you, I know it was a lot information. Anyway, I was trying to cover a lot of bases so I'm sure there're things I'm forgetting. Please feel free to reach out again with more questions and stay tuned for a follow-up about the second level dysphoria control.

#transgender #trans #gender dysphoria #dysphoria #trans advice

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